#i got a little side-tracked

[pixelins]

[anewp0tat0]

lil doodle to end the week

[queenburd]

it's not going to let me rest until i write about it, so tonight I want to talk about the TSP2 Expo in Ultra Deluxe, and why it's a thing at all, and what it means about the Narrator, and how deeply self-conscious he is.

The Expo is, and I say this without exaggeration, the Narrator's deep, desperate need to respond to the audience and the reviews from the Skip button ending. They say he's not funny; he makes "a whole lot of gags". He's still reactionary, he makes all of this in response to (and in my mind, in the downtime during) the Skip button, and it's the first thing you can find right after the game resets from the Skip button.

He's not over it.

TSPUD in general is in a big way about the relationship between an artist and their audience. (i swear on my life i've written those words before...) it's about how a creator can and does create for themself but does, on a real level, yearn for an audience to understand and appreciate, while also being scared that people wont get it, and also being scared about "needing" a reaction to begin with.

Create for oneself, sure, but you still want people to like the thing you made. You want them to experience it, this thing you put so much time into. You want them to laugh at the jokes, that's why the jokes are there, and you hope they hit right.

Elements of that have always been in TSP but they're at the forefront of TSPUD and especially all the Expo stuff. Even while the Narrator, in Skip button rants, berates the audience for wanting jokes and gags and bits to distract them, he immediately wants to please. He's yearning to be understood, and he thinks if he can just give the people what they want, then surely they'll find the meaning in his work.

And then there's that darn Bucket. And while the Bucket feels like, at times, a stand-in for the Narrator or a way for him to project, it's easier for me to see him trying to frame Stanley's bond to the Bucket as a parallel to his bond to Stanley, instead of the other way around.

Stanley is the thing that is here in this world and story to comfort the Narrator. But Stanley is also the thing that can crush the Narrator's spirit.

In the Press Conference Ending, Stanley's bold new approach to story-telling gets him lauded, gets him praise. In the Bucket version, he tries to make the Bucket understand him through other people understanding him, and it fails. It scans as the Narrator desperately trying to reach out to Stanley, even as he tries to get adoration from an audience. Stanley only has eyes for the Bucket in the Apartment ending; in the end, the Narrator only has Stanley for company, and he on some level wants Stanley to appreciate him. He asks for feedback in the Games ending. And while nothing will ever really make him happy, there, he still asks.

In the end, Stanley's the only audience that really matters. He wants Stanley to like the things he makes.

"Why did I create Stanley? Was I lonely?"

He was. And the audience he's looking for isn't one he can interact with.

TSPUD is about a creator's relationship with an audience, hoping they will play the game, and like the game, and understand the game, so that they'll keep playing. And the game "ends" when the creator says "okay. I think I'm ready to try something new. for real this time!"

And then he gets pulled right back, because the audience response is just so uproarious. How can you move on from a thing that did, on some level, garner you success? Shouldn't you just stick with the thing that made you successful? But how do you make it better, when it felt like a complete work?

When do you get to move on? When do you make that choice? Will the audience understand? Will they follow you? Or do they just want more of the same?

The answer isn't simple.

[kacievvbbbb]

I think it’s interesting how as time goes on Zoro kind of becomes more and more like mihawk in some ways whether that’s just because if you spend time with someone for 2 years you’re bound to pick up their habits or a deliberate attempt to emulate him is a conversation for another time. And Mihawk and Zoro where already pretty similar at the start so it’s a little hard to notice now.

But yeah whether unconsciously or consciously Zoro is becoming a bit more like Mihawk and it’s interesting to think that while this means maturing in some ways (he’s swordsmanship for one but he’s also just quieter much more assured of himself) it also means deaging in some others.

Despite their significant age gap and general dispositions, when it comes down to it Zoro is just a lot more emotionally mature and developed than Mihawk is. And a big part of why is because he found something larger than himself to devote his life too, hell Mihawk himself even kind of acknowledges this when he agrees to take Zoro on as a student when Zoro begs for the sake of his captain and crew. He acknowledges that putting aside his own ego and dreams for the sake of someone else isn’t something he can do and sees it as a fault in himself and a strength in Zoro.

Mihawk may be outwardly mature and his skills defiently did not stagnant but I’d wager that Mentally Mihawk is still stuck at the same age he was when he took over the title of world’s strongest swordsman. Honestly maybe even younger. And it isn’t until training Zoro, letting Perona stay with him, for probably the first time in his life taking charge of lives outside his own did he finally unarrest his development.

If Zoro is purposely trying to emulate Hawkeyes, which it wouldn’t be a surprise if he was that’s who he’s trying to be Afterall, then it would honestly set him back emotionally because fundamentally as he is now Mihawk’s attitude doesn’t work in a crew. It’s too singular, too abrasive. And while that abrasiveness can be useful in Zoro’s role as Luffy’s first mate sometimes it makes him a little too callous a little too apathetic, like with his disregard for Luffy’s sadness over vegapunk.

But Zoro has his crew to temper that, they are honestly just too ridiculous to ever stay serious around. And try as he might to hide it Zoro is also just a silly dude who likes to be horrifically petty with his opponents. And zoro still has so much fire in him, so much he has too prove and so much he wants to protect to ever really fall into Mihawk’s apathy. Zoro has Luffy who even after they reach their dreams will probably still continue to turn the world upside down forever keeping Zoro in some kind of trouble and his life interesting.

Zoro can’t be Mihawk because even Mihawk can’t be Mihawk anymore. Being with crossguild and crossing with the Red hair pirates and the strawhats is going to change him, it has too. if Mihawk is going to live after losing his title he’s probably gonna have to become a little bit more like Zoro.

[canisalbus]

I say this in the best way, but your characters feel like they're from an obscure but really good piece of media, and you feel like the artist who always draws the two main characters as ghay lovers

.

[astral-schools]

enjoy your stay!

[welcometogrouchland]

IMPORTANT UPDATE FOR BATMAN AND ROBIN (2023) FANS!!!...he eat a burger [ID in alt]

(taken from Nicola Cizmesija's insta, who's on art for B&R issues #5 and #6)

[plan-3-tmars]

just finished reading dungeon meshi (I will never recover) so take some sleepy thistle panels I collected

[moeblob]

ok now I'm p sure no one remembers me drawing for this game bc I think everyone who I talked to about it left the tumbles but. hello, have some Lost Dimension fanart in 2023.

[pen-papers]

Accidentally clicking QUIT instead on CONTINUE after finally reaching the top of Death Mountain in OOT

Remembering that there's the secret path back to Goron city through the Lost Woods

[methylphenidate-already-taken]

Bluh back to prey mode. Tired of people commenting on my face or my outfit, even if it’s well intentioned. I don’t care if you think I’m going to be too hot in this shirt. It doesn’t matter if I look sad this is my face let me do my fucking job.

Stomachs don’t do that. They go grrr and burgble and it doesn’t matter how you present yourself as long as you taste good and can give a decent belly rub or be a nice weight.

And no one Perceives you

It’s your own private room

Can be whoever the fuck I wanna be in tummy

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

I don’t like hanahaki disease for the same reason I don’t like soulmates. It removes the choice. All the love and feelings feel instantly dampened by the lack of choice. I mean I get that with hanahaki disease there is technically a choice, but “love me back or I’ll die” isn’t really a choice, and the other options aren’t much better either

“Either you love me back or I loose the ability to love/ loose all my feelings for you/ forget about you entirely”

“Love me back or I’ll live with this chronic illness forever”

These aren’t good alternatives, if still feels forced and one sided

[taco-drinking-bleach]

It has never been that you have to like every character. Characters are fictional, they are 3d, and just like how not every person will like every each other, your not gonna like every character. I like purple, but someone can hate purple. If someone hates purple? Oh well, we don't see it the same. We have seen different things and experienced life differently. I would never force them to agree with me. This also doesn't mean you can't talk about your likes and compare things. Maybe you didn't see a character in a certain way and someone talking to you about it can change what you think. That isn't the case for all things, but nothing is absolute. To enjoy interest and share what you like is the important thing, if others want to join, they can join, if they don't, then they don't. I bet you saw this coming but, yes this also ties with Yanqing. I like characters that give off "adopt this person" vibes. I like Freminet, I like scary characters like random eldritch horrors. I even like characters I hate. I like them because they are all so creative, they are all so different. A character can be made to be hated, and if they are they filled what they were made to do. Yanqing, Freminet, Aether, and so many others are well made characters. With lore that is over looked, back stories that have some mystery, + more! Each with a ecosystem type group of fans. Hate can spread, So can love. I just wish people can understand that even with there differences there can be joy in characters you don't like. I can rant all day about each and everyone of these character as well as others. All this to say. Like what you like, hate what you hate, live the way you want to. Just don't bring other peoples happiness down to file your own away.

[keirawantstocry]

sunny fic based on any tortured poets department song when it drops later perchance

-who's afraid of little old me?

Sunny stretched her hands up above her head as they let the music from their headphones soak into her skin. Taylor's smooth recognizable voice snaked into their very bones with each word. 

Memories surfaced of every time she had been pushed aside. Belittled by adults, the other kids. Despite the crown on her head, they often felt more like a caged lion than a princess in a fairytale. 

Leo looked at her with such aggression in her eyes. Sunny didnt know what they had done! But they knew the sadness was boiling into anger. Her Pa was the only one who understood her. They had seen the same happen to him over and over. Watched from the shadows as adults continually looked over him. Dismissed his problems as if they didn't matter as much. 

But Sunny noticed. Ramón noticed. Em noticed. They saw Tubbo for who he was, accepting every emotion that poured out of him. 

Sunny wondered as the song came to an acapella ending if she would be like her Pa. Ignored. But they loved him. They would be ecstatic to turn out like him. It wasn't his fault other people couldn't see how amazing he was. 

She sat up, pushing the headphones down around her neck. "Pa?" 

Within a few seconds, he was peeking his head around the doorframe of her room. "Yes poppet?" 

They held their hands out, feeling small. "Hug?" 

Tubbo's face relaxed into a fond smile as he stepped inside, gathering her up in his strong arms. Sunny felt safe in his arms. Safer than anywhere else they had ever been. Their Pa would never let anyone hurt them.

[rabbittwinrithings]

Do you have any fantasy book recommendations? Just finished Legends and Lattes and now I’m frothing at the mouth for more fantasy stories.

I sadly don't have any at the moment. I paused on reading for a bit to prepare to run Dnd for the first time in years.

I think the only somewhat fantasy book I'm reading (but idk if I would even call it fantasy) is The Odyssey. I'm really enjoying it so far! I partly started reading it cause I would love to write a sea faring story with ancient greece inspirations, and also partly because I simped so hard for Odysseus in Hades II. Either way, it's an amazing read so far!

There are some non fantasy books im working on. One of them is No Longer Human. However, I MUST say please look up trigger warnings for the book. It is SUPER depressing so far and I've heard it only gets more and more sad.

Another one is Hayao Miyazaki's Starting Point. I'm not too far into it yet. I got it cause I love studio ghibli and animation and wanted to learn more about Miyazaki and his works.

And then today, I listened to the story I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. That one, though, is sci-fi and really scary! (At least to me who has a fear of body horror.) Again though, I would look up trigger warnings for it.

Oh, Wait! While I haven't read it recently and never finished it, I did recently grab the og book of Howls Moving Castle. I remember starting it in high school and I thought it was really good. Though I'm unsure if my opinions will be the same. I'm hoping so.

If anyone has any good fantasy recommendations, feel free to comment them!!

[cherubchoirs]

WAITWAIT if Michael is Lucifer's "replacement" does he feel unworthy? Like i can imagine him breaking down thinking how Lucifer would think of his actions and also how Michael failed him by not upholding Lucifer's former duty/legacy

YEA....it gets into a really interesting part of michael's psychology regarding his position and provides another reason for why he's as strict as he is in performing his service. god is made out to be perfect and, importantly, that god doesn't change his mind - to michael, this means he was always meant to ACTUALLY be the prince of heaven and that lucifer's fall must have been foreseen by god so. why then does he still feel out of place? why does he feel that the position is not suited to himself as an angel, all meant to be made exactly for the role they fill? it must be his own internal failing, yet he continues to think on how lucifer might have handled a situation, what lucifer would think of his decisions...and he continues to believe lucifer would have been better. he handled leadership with ease, he never seemed to agonize and he seemed so capable of making fair choices without wasting time pouring over god's laws. michael was meant to direct and to lead but on a much smaller scale, and ever since his traumatic coronation he's felt entirely unequipped to deal with the millions of angels that he's meant to rule over. ever since he's operated under a constant, but cloaked, state of fear.

michael is deeply god-fearing in the traditional sense, though even he doesn't recognize this is the root of his fierce loyalty - he has an unmistakable love and respect for god, but at its foundation is a devouring sense of terror. because he was the first being to ever draw blood, and lucifer was the first to ever feel pain. because he was the first to witness god as destroyer and punisher. because he knows exactly what became of the angels that fell and that his chains still bind them. the entire war in heaven was difficult enough for a population that had never known any suffering, who didn't know they could be wounded - it was profoundly disorienting as some gained their first scars and others first had to repair bodies torn open. it was an untold, incomprehensible agony, yet god refused to step in and save them. michael viewed it soon as punishment brought down on all their heads, that lucifer as their prince had condemned them all even as his body grew numb to the pain fighting for god's throne. they would all be rent apart, and he didn't even understand the concept of death.

the war only stilled when michael was pulled down from the precipice of heaven with a fallen lucifer, plummeting from the only home any of them had ever known and into a chaotic abyss. yet none of them dared to follow. none of lucifer's angels, and none of god's. and out of heaven's embrace, lucifer's fire consumed them both in a terrible inferno, burning up the seraph to cinders while michael's skin blistered and cracked in a white hot pain that finally broke through his deadened nerves. and they fell. forever it seemed like. days at least. until finally they crashed into the earth, lucifer's now ash white body burning only with low embers and michael seared to his bones. finally, god reached out his hand, taking up michael and restoring him in an instant for only a few scars to remain. delirious and in a near stupor, michael turned to pray to god for things he couldn't understand. he begged for lucifer's life, though he couldn't comprehend death. he didn't even know if there was still life in him now, for god had not raised him, but still he prayed with limited words and poor awareness.

god answered him, telling him lucifer would not die because their mercy, mercy he cannot understand. it's how michael came to know mercy, god guiding him to arm himself again and strike satan through with his spear, burying him into the earth as the rest of the fallen angels were expelled in the same instant. down into hell as its first residents. and michael was gifted a heavy, golden chain to follow alone after them into that pit to make certain they would never rise again, binding with them all the sins of the angels against god so his wrath would not be leveled at those who remained. he saw the writhing mass lucifer had become, he heard every single angel in their multitudes as they screamed for him, but he did as he was told and nothing more. because of that loyalty, because of his willingness to serve, he was then crowned prince in lucifer's place before all the angels now left in heaven. and ever since that crown has weighed on him, he has felt misplaced, mistaken, wrong. he is strict because without that, he knows he would fail in this position. god's law is absolute and he applies it in everything he does because one step outside of it, and he fails god, himself, and all the angels that rely on him. and even though lucifer did just that, michael continues to think of the ease with which he operated, his calm demeanor and his inspired decisions. he failed, yet his ghost haunts michael's rule and becomes the singular reason he ever questions his faith.