#i got side tracked with my durge

[palespawn]

[meanbossart]

So we know Drow and Orin were a thing, but what was Drow’s relationship with Gortash and/or Ketheric like? Asking because I did a little post about my Durge Dude’s relationship with the other chosen recently, wondered what your Durge’s were, and I don’t think you’ve ever told us what Drow’s dynamics and/or history with them so I’m curious

I talked about this a long, long time ago, I think Gortash has a tag in my archive if you want to dig up those old posts. However, while my ideas have remained more or less the same I do think they require some comprehensive updating! So here we go.

Ketheric:

Their relationship might as well have been nonexistent, which kind of seems to be the pattern here for Ketheric among the chosen seeing as he was in this plan for vastly different reasons. DU drow rarely saw the general if not to strategize alongside the others or strut around moonrise towers finding things to scoff at.

Unlike Gortash, Ketheric didn't care for networking or keeping things amicable - he remained cold and uncaring through DU drow's occasional attempts to get a rise out of him, expressing discontent in the lest amusing way possible if nor outright ignoring him. He never extended him a hand or an invitation for brunch, he never spoke a word about himself lest it be used against him - as it happened with the little that had to be shared. The only time DU drow ever saw Ketheric flinch was whenever he expressed his strong desire to go pay Isobel his respects.

Gortash:

DU drow and Gortash were "friends" in the most strained and flimsy sense of the word. Gortash strikes me as a the kind of guy who will forego all dignity if it favors him on the long term, for both practicity's sake and possibly an ingrained penchant for self destruction. DU drow saw this, and the moment he caught onto the fact that he was indispensable for Gortash's plans, he started to pick at him ever so subtly to see how far he could be pushed before breaking. He insulted Gortash's appearance, choices, faith, background, family, he destroyed his property and made a bad job of covering up his tracks on purpose, he sent followers to kill his men in the hopes of seeing him be stressed out about it the next day. It never worked. Gortash still invited him to his dinners, still shook his hand, still remained unambiguously smug - it would be infuriating if it wasn't impressive. Respectful, even.

But even if they were amicable, even if they were on "acceptable terms" and the closest thing each other had to a real, equal friendship, DU drow always saw Gortash as a sniveling child trying to play grown-up; lacking in any real free-will of his own because his pursuits were motivated entirely by a sob-story of a past. Gortash did not fit the britches that he was trying to wear, and DU drow had a sneaking suspicion that if he ever got to the top, to the place where he was trying to be - commander of the world and killer of the universe, side by side with him - that then, then he would finally break; once he realized that all he had accomplished was isolating himself with the most cruel man in the world.

And he dreamed of this day. He fantasized about it. He eagerly awaited to see Gortash's face drop the second he got everything he ever wanted - he got a glint in his eye picturing it whenever they toasted or shared a laugh about their brilliant futures. He loved Gortash like a butcher loves a fat cow that's going to keep in alive during the coming winter. It's still a kind of love. It's always a kind of love with him.

[dseerie]

My Thoughts On Why Astarion Acts The Way He Does

While I'm waiting for Baldur's Gate 3's cloud status to upload, I've been thinking. I've seen a lot on social media about people questioning why Astarion disapproves when your character wants to save the gnomes (since they are also under an abusive master) or assisting the refugees and how he is always wanting a reward instead of just doing something nice for the sake of it. And I've talked with people who have helped me put this into better words. At least I hope. So I wanted to explain my perspective as someone who was abused when a kid/teen/even early adult.

I fought my abusers whenever I could, figuring if it was going to happen, I'd piss them off, which was satisfying. But if someone started issues with a different authority figure, it annoyed me quite a bit because then I have another problem. And what if my abusers found out I was involved when I wasn't because someone I was with was upsetting the authority figure? It would become just one more issue I had to deal with. Too many details and nuances to keep track of when my mind needed to focus on the first problem. It made sense to stay on the good side of authority figures to keep myself safe and avoid trouble.

For me, something had to be worth doing or my mind just went back to worrying about sh*t, back to the fight or flight survival response. I needed that reward dopamine. Getting praises wasn't doing it for me, since I would forget the good because of the bad. Trauma brain is funny like that. I needed something physical and worthwhile to make me happy.

It's the reason why Astarion is my favorite character that I connected with the most. Not because of his beauty (not that he isn't an elegant elven man. Just that it wasn't what got me to like him. I'd lean more toward Gale or Wyll if it was by appearance for the male companions, though seeing Astarion half-naked with abs was a real shocker. I seriously thought he was a skinny elf 😳), but because he reminds me so much of how I was and how my thought-process worked. How I kept people away by being rude just enough without them wondering if they should say something to my abusers. Because no matter how many times I told people outright I was being abused early on, no one helped, only tattle-told on me.

And I haven't even completed a playthrough yet. I only just got to the Elfsong before starting a Durge playthrough. First playthrough was an asexual Tav to get to know the characters and storyline (I kid you not, I made my Tav a Charlatan rogue then discovered Astarion was also a Charlatan rogue when I was in the forge 😂). As I got to know them a bit more, Astarion intrigued me the most and when Patch 7 came out, I decided to play a Durge Romance. The first Durge both traumatized me up to Act 2 and made me adore and respect Astarion even more. So yeah, I'm romancing him on this Modded Durge Romance playthrough despite Gale having an interest in me, who is the male companion I would connect with if Astarion wasn't a companion (I'm literally just starting the Underdark area and Gale is already at 100 approval while Astarion is at 79 approval. I wish I had a library, I do have a cat, and I love me some white or pink wine 😋).

This is what my perspective of why Astarion acts the way he does. He's not bad, per say. What happened to him for 200 years has made him what he is. Nobody can fix someone else, but they can be guided to help fix themselves. I've been working to fix myself since I got out of the situation. And I want to be the one to guide Astarion toward fixing himself.

Both Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney (primary writer) did a freakin' incredible job in bringing Astarion to life and making him so believable to the point he has helped many to realize what they went through and improve themselves. Bravo, good sirs! Thank you so much!

If I think of more, I'll see about adding. For now, thank you for reading. I hope you have a great day. ��

[monebula-art]

Yknow I’m gonna rant about something rq. Maybe a bad take but just 👀👀👀 hear me out.

EDIT: this is legit just a saucy rant it’s not meant to cast blame on anyone and I love both Astarion’s because I find the character progressions and options for both Spawn and Ascended to be equally juicy with their own things to unpack. Every player has the freedom to choose and experience the adventures however they want to. These are legit just. My ramblings in amidst some hate brakes on Ascended that I wanted to shout into the void about. It’s not a dissertation. If anything this is just a ‘What if after the End’ kind of scenario that’s been tumbling around in my head. That’s it.

People give Ascended Astarion a bad rap, but like lemme cook for a smidge. If you stick with him. If you support and love him, sure he’s a little power hungry and arrogant and the power of being the Ascended gets to his head a little.

But like, he mentions going traveling. Seeing the world with you. Maybe for decades, for CENTURIES even. Just the two of you seeing all the world has to offer. He’s spent two hundred years+ STUCK in Baldur’s Gate. His love is no bougie noble who must travel in a carriage. And in fact I’d think a Tav or Durge would insist against it. They would travel like they used to. Like people do. (And famous words that tamed the most notorious of vampires was ‘Travel like people do, you might like it~’)

I think that time would eventually change Astarion back to who he was on track to being before he Ascended. Aka ‘Spawn Astarion’. Seeing the world from a ground perspective. Not above it, alongside it. Having a Tav/Durge who is grounded.

Once his little power trip has run its course, I think he’d mellow out. It might take a decade or two. But he’s got LITERAL ETERNITY to address his hurt. And with a loyal and loving Tav/Durge by his side, being his support and his compass how could he stay lost for long? Like think about it.

Who says yall can’t rule a new nation of Vampires? Who’s to say a world where Vampires can become a diplomatic SOCIETY that can coexist beside other mortals? A world where blood isn’t stolen or taken, but given freely by willing offerers. Where spawn are created to serve by their choice and not stolen out of the night with ultimatums to be slaves??? Where a bite from a vampire doesn’t mean a life of servitude or a death sentence??? Yknow??? Kinda like y’all’s romance first started????

Imagine a Tav who is so passionate about changing THEIR nation, that they build a dream where tormented slave spawns like Astarion and wretched monsters like Cazador don’t EVER HAVE TO EXIST.

And at the top they get to rule it all together. The king and queen of a new nation, a new age of vampires out of the shadows. Where they are beloved and revered and ok maybe a little bit feared, yknow? Rulership is hard.

Tell me in a few decades Astarion wouldn’t be all over that shit. With a dedicated partner, they could guide that ambition of his into something TRULY AMAZING. Like how is no one seeing the POTENTIAL? They swear he’s trash, like he wasn’t totally hanging on you before. Like he doesn’t revere you like the sun as his consort. His treasure??? His love, who he sees and desires eternity with? He’s not just keeping you around for shits n giggles. Like he doesn’t have compassion for people that just because he makes a fucked up choice(one that lowkey you helped him make so if you wanna be like ‘Oh but the 7000 lives!’ Like you made that decision with him. I mean. It was a shitty decision and if you fail the roll you fail the role that isn’t on you. I can get that thinking the Ascendant route is the best course and getting more than you bargained for. And I’ll concede, he’s INSUFFERABLY arrogant. But that’s just one choice in a long line of, really ONLY having fucked up choices to begin with???….. every body has done some irredeemable shit. Not saying you can’t condemn Astarion for that, plenty of the characters already do. But like… you don’t have to??? The lesson was keep living and live better. It’s the only way to make up for the misery and suffering.

He opened up to you once. Permitted your probing, even when it pissed him off. He learned to love you because of that. The power got to his head a little and he’s using that as a substitute coping mechanism for shit he still hasn’t dealt with. It’s fresh. It’s a very open wound he’s trying not to show.

It’ll pass sooner or later. And he’ll have to start healing. That’s why he has YOU. That’s why you stay.

Both Ascended and Spawn say they are with you, if you choose to go down the dark road and embrace your destiny as Durge. Both of them are with you no matter how bloody or deplorable or immoral it gets. Spawn isn’t just suddenly this sweet innocent with a peerless moral compass just because he decided not to ascend. Their dialogue is exactly the same. He’s still THERE and he’s still with his darling.

Miss me with that Ascended is irredeemable but Spawn did nothing wrong. They’re both equally happy to stab someone just for funsies. One hopped on the healing track sooner, that’s it. Abandoning Ascended Astarion right after his ascension just cuz you don’t like how he got a little intense about it is like GUARANTEEING he becomes a bitter and sadistic tyrant. Comparing him to Cazador so soon after he just ended that chapter but has yet to actually DEAL with the chapter mentally or emotionally is an interesting choice, but like… idk a lil wild from my perspective I guess.

You handled him with honesty, trust and patience all up until now, but suddenly he gets a little spooky and you back out? Seems to me like someone is just scared of his power now that he ain’t weaker than you anymore and needs to be protected hm??? Now he can actually fuck you up if he wanted and instead of embracing that with him some of yall wanna be like ‘Oh well now you’re the monster you always hated’.

Grow uuuuup. Make him worse? Make him better??

It has to get worse BEFORE it gets better. That’s how improvement works. It’s everyone’s personal choice to stick with him or bail. I don’t think either choice is a wrong one is all I’m saying. If you’re all in for him, and his mess, and sticking with him for the evil, or even to see if in some aftersotry imagining that time and wisdom eventually mellows him out a bit then cool~ I think that’s possible tbh?

If you think he’s too ‘abusive’ for you to stick with then feel free to end things. It doesn’t make him any less insufferable.

All I’m saying as someone who’s legit been in a few abusive relationships in the past— using possessive language and being manipulative and desperate for control is not a character trait that just appeared out of nowhere after Astarion Ascended. And some folks can just not like the path he took and wanna back out without outcrying a whole essay about why he’s now terrible and abusive and nobody should ever enjoy the Ascendant route. Is all I’m saying.

[beecreeper]

1, 7, and 8!

Oh my god I ended up writing so much for this one O.O Thank you for the good asks

1.) What’s Durge’s creation myth? Not the ‘and then there was a gore baby’. Give me the details, what did Bhaal actually do for durge to torment Toril in a few years?

Eilidh I KNOW you know the answer to this one but also you know that I love durge creation lore thank you for letting me publicly rant about it.

I gave both of my durge’s surrogate bio mothers because even though durge was created from Bhaal’s flesh, I still wanted to give them somewhere to cook. (out of universe it’s because a friend of mine had an OC that matched the role of Briar’s bio mom too well not to use and then the concept got carried over to Ferox)

SO Briar’s bio mom is Saorise, an evil power hungry blood magic sorceress who really wanted a baby to mold into an extension of herself narcissist style. But she was infertile and also no man was worth doing it the traditional way with anyway so she made a deal with Bhaal instead – she would carry his freshly molded bhaalspawn and she would get to raise it however she wanted. Saorise didn’t necessarily worship Bhaal specifically but she knew his desperation for spawn could be leveraged in her favor. However things went wrong when a totally separate cult (not sure which god specifically because that’s more on my friend’s side of things) decided that Saorise needed to be taken out. So they cut the fucking baby out of her, womb and all. Saorise survived and is doing bitter old traumatized milf stuff in a different universe while baby Briar was then sold through sketchy Zhentarim channels to her foster parents and whisked away to Amn before Bhaal’s cult could track her down. Bonus fun fact! Saorise is Briar’s dream guardian which I LOVE because there’s some cool magic implied by the fact that her form is somehow in Briar’s mind despite the fact that they were separated even before birth.

Ferox’s bio mom is Amaura, a half orc woman who was a very very dedicated Bhaal cultist who was kind fringe devoted even by Bhaalist standards. She had witnessed and survived the absolutely brutal murder of her entire family as a child and then, in a freak twist of fate, the murder of her husband and child as an adult. This made her believe that she was specifically chosen by the god of murder and got WAY into it. She kept getting virgin mary style visions and whatnot telling her what to do in order to carry Bhaal’s perfect spawn. She did this is secret from the rest of the cult, both on Bhaal’s instructions and because “they just wouldn’t understand”. When it was time, she traveled alone to the Boareskyr Bridge (where Bhaal’s mortal form had been killed during the Time of Troubles) and drank from the cursed water there, which triggered “labor”. And by labor I mean “baby Ferox becoming a partial slayer baby and clawing his way out of her stomach”. I haven’t decided if it’s more brutal is she’s alive when it happens or if the water outright kills her and then baby Ferox has to crawl out of her corpse. Regardless, the next step is a bunch of goblins stumbling across this random blood covered orc baby sitting inside of a mangled corpse and going “DUUUUUDE THIS BABY FUCKING ROCKS! DIBS!”

7.) What were durge’s and Gortash’s first words towards each other (Be as vague as you want)

Hmmm hard to say. I’m sorry to say I don’t think I have anything specific here. For both of them, I imagine their first meeting was arranged by Gortash in order to discuss the details of the House of Wonders heist and formalize an alliance. In which case, both sides would have been “playing nice”. Gortash would have been outwardly schmoozing and trying to simultaneously flatter, intimidate, and impress his potential ally. Greeting them very graciously and respectfully with one of durge’s more formal epithets like “scion of Bhaal”, offering them a drink, that kind of stuff.

Briar went into the meeting essentially expecting to mentally flip a coin as to whether or not she would kill him, spent the entire time grinning like a cheshire cat while they tried to talk circles around each other. Decided he was fun enough to play with to hold off on killing him immediately. Seductively threatened to kill him at least once. Her first words upon entering the room probably would have been something teasing, like “well well, so this is the little lording himself” or something like that.

Ferox was very much a wall of stone at first. Went in very practically, like “Fine. You have something to offer me? Make your offer.” There would have still been some of that back and forth between them, with Gortash doing a lot of double talk and Ferox being careful and sparing with his choice of words. Unlike Briar, Ferox wouldn’t be trying to out maneuver Gortash but more trying to keep himself from getting played. He has to make sure this deal is actually good enough to be worth not just killing him, which is 100% what the plan would have been if Gortash had failed to convince him.

The vibes are that Briar and Gortash’s rapport was tennis and Ferox and Gortash was chess. It’s not a perfect analogy but I'm going with it.

I really want their initial meetings to be more distinct and have more intrigue and scheming and mind games and stuff like that involved but I am honestly super bad at thinking of that type of stuff. 😭 Maybe someday I’ll be inspired for a more specific scenario.

8.) What were their last words towards each other? And who really got the final say?

I’m not sure if this means last words pre-tadpole or last words overall, but I’m gonna answer the former because I have more specifically planned.

Briar: “I have to go.” Gortash: “Wait where the fuck are you-”

Okay the scene I have in mind is that they are literally in the middle of a typical evening of gettin’ down nasty when Briar has the urge to kill him. Which she has obviously had before. Aaaaaall the time. She’s gotten used to ignoring them because the plan is more important. But this one is different. This time she feels the urge and then has a thought like “I don’t *want* to do that”. Not “I won’t do that *yet*”. Not “killing him would be awesome but would cause a bunch of headaches I don’t want to deal with”. Straight up like... “If I killed him I think I would feel sad about it.” And she reacts like she just touched a hot stove. NOPE. THAT’S NOT RIGHT. THAT’S FUCKED UP WE’RE NOT GONNA DEAL WITH THAT. And so she just stops everything and leaves RIGHT THEN without another word. Goes to have an existential crisis about this, writes that prayer for forgiveness, gets decked by Orin, you know the rest.

For Ferox and Gortash, their final words before Ferox got tadpoled would have been something far more mundane. Just a simple reiteration of the plan and a goodbye before Ferox went off to take care of some business ahead of him at Moonrise. A simple “see you three days” kinda thing. Between Ferox and Gortash at that point, everything was running smoothly. Their relationship had been “established” and most of the drama of it passed -- Ferox had stopped doing the “no you have to stay away for your own good” stuff and resigned to the fact that “well this is gonna end really really badly but so is everything. Nothing matters and i can’t stay away from you”. Between winning that battle AND the recent overwhelming success of the Hell Heist and the progress of the Absolute plot, Gortash was absolutely riding that high and feeling completely invincible. From his perspective they just had to coast to the finish line.

The real conflict here was between Ferox and Orin. Orin was beginning to needle Ferox a bit more about the progress of the plan and how close Ferox was with Gortash and how it seemed like he was taking *orders* and Ferox was getting progressively more fed up with her. He was sort of swimming with guilt about the fact that he was actively planning to murder the entire world and didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to disassociate himself and follow through with the plan without thinking too hard about where it was leading. But every time Orin prodded him about Gortash he was forced to think about it again and real angry about it. Not a strict, flat anger like from a boss but a sharp, personal anger. He snapped at her with a reprimand, a threat, and maybe even a phsyical attack that, while maybe hard to see from the outside, felt like it fell outside of the purview of what was acceptable to her. Like, as the Bhaalist leader he had scolded her before, threatened her before, fought her before, but this was *different* and both of them knew it.  It was the moment it became personal and Orin knew that her bloodkin was lost.

Uuuuuuuh this answer got away from me. Tldr: Ferox and Gortash made plans to meet up at Moonrise to continue preparations for the Absolute, said a casual, mundane, and practical goodbye. They did not meet up.

[treevore]

🤡🤩🤲🏼

kisses u

What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

i sicko giggle at my work all the time but for actual chuckle and not "oh man the sickos are gonna LOVE THIS" giggles

“Whatever,” Laura said with a huff, “you’ve got bacne anyway.” She took another drag from her cigarette as the two of them walked along the railroad tracks, silent this time of day.

this little bit from my (still unfinished) big deanlaura fic makes me giggle just to giggle

Who is your favorite character to write?

dean winchester lmfao i literally love writing him so much thats my baby thats my princess

Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

gonna grab from my lothric/gale/astarion for this bc i am sick for my durge

“I know you asked me,” Lothric said softly, “who I’d taste from if I were like you. But you never said who you preferred.” Astarion scoffed, his fingers stilling, “You, obviously. As I’ve done every night since then.” He pressed a small kiss to the side of Lothric’s neck, the skin just barely scarred from the repeat feedings. “Besides me, I mean. Don’t pretend you haven’t considered it, save us both the time.” He could feel Astarion pick the braid apart as he waited for an answer. “I thought I agreed with what you said, whoever you preferred.” “You’re stalling, dearest. Answer my question, if you had to pick someone else in our camp to drink from, who?” Lothric couldn’t help but get impatient with him, he knew full well the life Astarion had lived, knew that much of the day their thoughts were both on the blood they were spilling. No point in being stupidly coy about the matter. Astarion hummed and shifted in his seat, looking around the camp before turning back to Lothric. “I still agree with you. Gale. I’ve barely gotten a whiff on the road but he smells,” he sighed wistfully, “fascinating. His blood is- it’s different.” “Shall we see if he’ll let you?” Lothric leaned in to nuzzle Astarion’s jaw, his gaze on Gale across the fire.  Astarion’s brows shot up, then furrowed as he contemplated. “Do you- do you think he would? I know he’s an academic but even posited as research I-” “I think he’s a lot less unwilling than you may guess, lover.” Lothric saw the way Gale watched him, watched them. The way he sighed softly to himself and fiddled with his earring, the symbol of his own former flame. The way he slept, curled amongst enough pillows that it would be hard for any man to feel as though he was sleeping alone. Lothric’s past may have been a grey fog, tinged with blood, but he could pick out loneliness on someone at a hundred paces in the dark.

fic author questions

[stormcloudzz]

Guys I'm so close to scrapping Aspen as my Durge and making a new guy..

If y'all would excuse my rambling hskfhskfskfhs Okay so Aspen was originally my first Tav when I just started playing Baldur's Gate 3. They were Ranger originally as well, not a Druid. But I abandoned my Aspen playthrough because I got side-tracked playing Cepheus, my Wizard Tav in a multiplayer run with my best friend and so Cepheus is actually the Tav that I fully finished the game for the first time with!

After that playthrough I was torn between continuing my Aspen playthrough OR starting a new game as the Dark Urge because I had been wanting to try a Durge run for the longest time. Eventually I decided to combine the two, turning Aspen into my Durge character and reworking bits of their lore to fit in with the story, and don't get me wrong I really like them! But I've been wanting to redesign them for a while now and I found it hard because I was too attached to their original design so nothing else looked right, but at the same time it didn't fit in with my head canons for them as the Dark Urge because I felt like I'd be changing too much about them

So I think I will be trying to make a brand new Durge from Scratch! I'm still going to keep the lore I have for them because I really like it and that not what I want to change! (Of course there may be minor tweaks here and there, but for the most part the story is the same). But I'm just going to approach their new design as a blank slate because that's going to be much better and honestly easier, rather than how I was trying to keep a hold of Aspen for the longest time.

Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble lol TLDR: I've just had fucking bad time trying to redesign Aspen, to the point I'm just making a new Durge from scratch

I'll introduce y'all to my new Durge whenever they're done cooking in the oven ig

[ferindencadash]

Strangely, even though I've written a good half dozen fics at this point, I still feel shy talking about my OCs? Oh well. Taking the plunge.

For someone who spends probably 25% of their waking hours thinking about Durgetash, my actual in-game Durge(s) are really not a reflection of what I love about the Durgetash Dynamic™️, go figure. As these things tend to go, the characters write themselves and are usually not a fan of my best laid plans.

Enter Zavion, my first Durge.

The literal golden child of Bhaal. They're a cold hearted fucking bastard who lives to please Daddy Dearest. An absolute (no pun intended) suck up who gets no greater joy in life than rubbing Orin's nose in the fact that they are daddy's favourite and messing with her "dolly" displays. They 100% had that lobotomy coming to them.

I don't think they ever really loved Gortash. But they were impressed by him and intrigued by his nerve and his lack of fear of the bhaalspawn. Zavion was very accustomed to being swooned over or carefully avoided. Then Gortash came in with all his swagger and smarm, and while he was respectful, he never showed deference or submission. He challenged Zavion, and I wouldn't say they liked that exactly, but it got their attention enough that they decided to postpone his death (though they had a grand time imagining it).

Gortash was more or less a plaything to Zavion. They loved to just observe him; watch him work, try to understand what made him tick. Sex just sort of happened. It was another way to study Gortash, see how he would react to them. It was usually very one sided, with Zavion acting as a stone top.

Gortash might have loved Zavion. He thought he loved them at least, but when Zavion disappeared, Gortash was quick to move on. Out of sight, out of mind. When they returned to Baldur's Gate, Gortash was excited but also anxious (though he'd never admit it). And he was right to worry. As Zavion pieced their life back together, they were unimpressed with Gortash's lack of effort to track them down. They fully planned to skin him alive once they felt secure in their claim over the city and Gortash had outlived his usefulness. Of course the elder brain took care of things for them (which really pissed Zavion off).

In the end Zavion reclaimed their birthright and continued in their plan to royally fuck Baldur's Gate. But sometimes, in the rare quiet moments, they still think of the one that got away (from their blade).

Durgetash shippers, what is the dynamic between your Durge and Gortash?

(Bonus points if you show me a pic of your Durge 👉👈)

[born2battle]

My Saga in Separated Family Accommodation at Jammu

   On receipt of Vivek’s Posting Order to Rajouri, we had to decide about our choice of location for Separated Family Accommodation (SFA) and intimate our decision to the concerned Station HQ for registration of our choice. The options were varied ---- Deolali itself (current location) or Aurangabad (home town) or Jammu. The third location was the closest to Rajouri (only four hours away) but was expected to be difficult due to the law & order situation which was worsening in Jammu. Any new location was going to be a challenge but decision had to be taken urgently to enable further planning. We chose the harder option instead of the easier one.On completion of the Academic Session, we moved to Jammu by train --- our longest train journey!! I had to shoulder the responsibility of packing & sending all the luggage by truck, handing over our accommodation and leaving finally along with our children & my in-laws. It was such a nostalgic feeling leaving the “Home of the Gunners”.

   There was a long waiting list for allotment of SFA at Jammu, since it was the preferred location for keeping the families by most of the Units which were deployed in Field areas on the LOC. Luckily, our Unit ( 98 Field Regiment ) was located at BD Bari which was about 25 km from Jammu. We could manage temporary accommodation in the Unit Complex itself, which was certainly helpful initially. We stayed in “Basha” type of accommodation, peculiar for it’s construction as a temporary shelter of mud & brick walls with tin roofs. We took admission for Ashvini & Nandini in Army School at Ratnuchak which was 10 km away. All children travelled by the Army School bus, which was a modified 3 Ton vehicle. In the rainy season. It was quite often that due to heavy rains and flash floods, the water level of the river reached the danger mark enroute to the Army School. Consequently, it resulted in an extended stay in the School itself, for all the teachers & the children of BD Bari. In such situations, the ladies of the Units in Ratnuchak provided all necessary assistance, till the water level subsided. It proved to be the best solution under the circumstances.

   It was after a waiting period of three months that we were allotted a civil accommodation in Gandhi Nagar, on rent reimbursement basis. So, the process of packing, moving & unpacking was repeated. Our new House was very spacious but did not have any furniture. Hence, I had to improvise & convert our steel trunks & wooden boxes for utilisation as beds, dining table, chairs, study tables & settee. It was a test of my creativity skills. Even the children had to be transferred to Army School at Satwari, which was about 10 km away from Gandhi Nagar. They had to adjust once again in a new Army School, within the same academic year. Meanwhile, there was migration of Kashmiri Pandits from Srinagar Valley to Jammu. Several refugee camps were being established in Jammu and Akhnoor region. It created a tense situation in Jammu, often resulting in strikes and curfew. It was really tough for me to face this crisis alone, while staying in a civil area and taking care of three children & my elderly in-laws. We eagerly looked forward to meeting Vivek whenever he was able to come down from Rajouri on temporary duty at the Corps HQ.

    The situation in Jammu worsened consequent to the agitations & protests against the recommendations of Mandal Commission. This resulted in closure of all schools & colleges. It gave us a welcome opportunity to go to Rajouri and enjoy a well deserved break for almost two months. Our accommodation at Rajouri (named ASHRAM) had all the basic amenities except the kitchen. Hence, we had to depend on the Officers Mess for all our meals. 

     We planned our own routine in the lap of nature with various activities such as long walks, indoor games, reading  & gardening. We also interacted with other families in the Division HQ complex. There was a restriction on our movement outside the Army perimeter. We were very keen to observe the life at the LOC. So, Vivek accompanied us to visit a few forward Posts, only after taking necessary permission. At the time of visit to one of the dominating Posts in Poonch Sector, we heard the exchange of fire between the opposing Posts across Betar Nala. We had to cut short our visit and move to the Administrative Base. This incident gave us the goosebumps!! 

         On a few occasions,  Vivek found time to take us for visits  to some popular tourist spots in Poonch, Rajouri & Naushera. We were humbled by the hospitality extended at the Posts & at the Adm Base, despite the adverse weather conditions & war like situation on the LOC. We savoured different cuisine in different Battalions & Regiments. All the Units always ensured provision of the meals, as per the requirement of the class composition of their soldiers. Our journey by Jeep/ Jonga, along the narrow tracks leading to the Posts on the ridge lines was indeed thrilling. This was even more exciting during the snowfall season when any vehicle movement was possible only after fitting the non-skid chains on the tyres. In the peak winters, we were thrilled with the first snowfall and realised the utility of a fireplace and Bukhari at our residence as well as in the Officers Mess. It was again a first time experience.

      We returned to Jammu after this memorable vacation when the school session resumed. We looked forward to  permission for our subsequent trips as well. We were allotted the SFA in Jai Durge Complex in the Cantonment area, after a waiting period of 18 months. So, we vacated the civil house in Gandhi Nagar & shifted to our entitled accommodation with lot of enthusiasm. The process of settling down was easier in the new house since it was well furnished as per the scales of accommodation. It was destined that while Vivek was shouldering his responsibilities far away in Rajouri, all of us had to face several different problems  & medical emergencies during our stay in SFA. These difficulties were overcome with all the help by our neighbours as also by the officers posted in the Units in Jammu. The support by the Army family was really praiseworthy. Most of our relatives visited us in Jammu and were lucky to get permission to visit Rajouri for a short duration. Obviously, I got a chance to accompany them and visit some more interesting sites such as Dhani Dhar Fort which could be seen from our front lawn. 

Meanwhile, I joined as a teacher in a school nearby and also completed my B Ed by correspondence. Life was going on smoothly since we had adjusted so well in the safe environment inside the Cantonment. However, it was destined that we would face serious medical emergencies in quick succession. The first emergency was when Nandini had to be admitted in MH Jammu for investigation urgently. I had to manage her admission in MH , all by myself since Vivek could reach only on the next day. He could not stay longer and returned to Rajouri. Further, I had to be present in the MH at the time of review by the Specialists daily and also stay in the hospital at night. I used public transport for commuting upto the MH. This continued till my daughter was finally discharged after 21 days of treatment. Our neighbours helped us a lot at this stage by always escorting our children upto the pick up point of the School Bus and also provided any logistics support and the meals, as required. 

      The second emergency occurred when my father- in- law had a sudden paralysis attack. It was an unexpected challenge and I requested for any Army vehicle to rush him to MH Jammu. The first available 1 Ton vehicle was used for escorting him to the MH. There was a bigger problem at the time of admission when I was asked to submit his ID Card & Dependency Card, which I was not aware about. I informed the Medical Specialist that my husband was posted in Rajouri and my father-in-law was a Veteran of Second World War. Hence, I requested them to begin the investigations & the treatment. The report about the admission in MH Jammu was then conveyed to Division HQ in Rajouri. I was not able to communicate directly with Vivek since he was on recce mission to the forward Posts. He could come down only on the third day just for a few days. My  father- in -law was finally discharged after 14 days but his right side was partially paralysed. Both these emergencies and other challenges were physically exhaustive & mentally stressful for all of us.

       In retrospect, Vivek considers his long innings in Rajouri as the most professionally challenging and satisfying tenure in his career. Personally, myself & our children also learnt so much while facing all the unique challenges in SFA at Jammu. I wish to reiterate our takeaways --- every problem has a solution & every crisis is an experience. Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward and savoring the Journey!!!

[shayanyaan]

Gitanjali

The Gitanjali Express departs from Mumbai CST right on the stroke of sun up. Yet, walking into the station, there will be no bleary eyes on my face despite the fact that I will not have slept very well the previous night. How can one sleep well when there is a train journey to embark on in the morning? I will be tossing and turning in my bed, all the while drawing imaginary pictures of the events that are soon to unfold. The chain of thought will go something like this.

Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus in all its grandeur will first blow me away. I will wonder what Queen Victoria herself thought of it. Before walking in, I will also take a moment to think of all the wonderful station buildings that came of the British Raj.

Next, I will perhaps catch a glimpse of the inbound Thane local. A moment or two here to ponder over how in all the worlds greatest cities , there is always a railway that keeps them moving. London, New York, Mumbai are all of the same brethren. Knowing that this is certainly not the last I’ve seen of the locals for the morning, I will head off in search of the Gitanjali.

I will find her and my heart will flutter in the manner of a hopeless romantic. 30 hours in her company, all the way to Howrah.  As ever, I will be well and truly gripped by the Mumbai departure. With great excitement I will watch the local stations whiz by as blurs of office goers and local trains. I will try to remember all the station names. Masjid, Sandhurst Road, Byculla. Parel next? No Currey Road and then Parel. Dadar followed by Matunga, Sion and Kurla.

I will experience also, one of the thrills that is unique to Mumbai. The 6 abreast railway lines and the local trains that attempt to race you all the way out to the far flung edges of the city. Kalyan Junction, where we will veer onto the Igatpuri line. Then I will be beheld by the drop dead gorgeous views of the Thull ghat crossing, perhaps over breakfast from the pantry. A thought about how there are very few activities better than watching the world go by from the window of a train, will cross my mind. If I am attentive enough I will notice the Mumbai bound Imperial Mail cross us.

Igatpuri used to herald a loco change but not any more. Nashik Road and Manmad Junction after which the Gitanjali will thunder past Chalisgaon Junction and then Pachora, haughtily ignoring both. Pachora and its platforms will probably remind me of one Bharath Moro’s story of how he along with his father went to photograph this very train as it rocketed by at a 100 odd clicks. Maybe then, I will also, think of my own trips to railway stations as a boy.

Jalgaon and then Bhusaval Junction where I will keep my eyes open for the southbound Karnataka Express. Perhaps also our pairing train. The pantry car will be ready with lunch by this time. The ensuing run to Akola and then onwards to Badnera will remind me of one fateful evening when I covered this section for the first time on the Bangalore Rajdhani of all trains. Akola will also remind me of the most delightful journey I did years ago on a 1989 sleeper coach on the meter gauge passenger to Indore. The Gitanjali meanwhile will have passed Wardha Junction and reached Nagpur.  

I will watch the Wardha to Nagpur run from the door. In memory of a certain friend that once was, I will grab a piping hot cuppa and gaze out of the door at the setting sun. Ngapur will not pass without remembrance of the narrow guage line, the diamond crossing and also of one evening when my father and I on our way to Akola managed to secure reserved tickets across the counter less than 2 hours before the departure of the train. All thanks to the lazy folks at Nagpur who hadn’t prepared the charts.

Onwards into Gondia, perhaps crossing the Bilaspur Rajdhani on the way. Then further to Rajnandgaon and Durg. We might run into the Howrah-Mumbai Duronto somewhere on this section. The number of important stations this Duronto skips, it is almost outrageous! I will head to the door for some late night star gazing as we pass through the sides of a triangle to take in Raipur. Star gazing from train doors is an experience that holds super powers. Just standing there, letting the mind wander and the wind mess up my hair. And I like talking to the moon, telling it my secrets. If I’m feeling crazy enough maybe I will stay at the door all the way till Bilaspur.

I will then turn in for the night. As for the Gitanjali, she is far from finished. She will march on steadily towards Champa, past the Jindal steel plant and then Raigarh. The undulating plateaus of coal by the tracks and the collieries themselves will be lost in the darkness. Also in the darkness another pairing Gitanjali will blast past us.

Jharsuguda and then Rourkela. Despite the fact that I’d have stayed up past midnight I’ll probably be awake by this time. The Oriya announcements are not to be missed for they always elicit a chuckle or two. “Yatri gana kripya kora dhyana dayantu.” Maybe I will spot the Alleppey-Bokaro slip train here. A dear friend of mine and fellow rail enthusiast used to frequent this super crawler as a matter of choice.

We will cross from Orissa into Jharkhand on our way to Chakradharpur. State number 4 since leaving Mumbai. The lush vegetation of the Saranda forests won’t go unnoticed. Next will be Sini Junction after which, another triangle. Sini, Kandra and Gamharia. We will ignore Kandra Junction and proceed along the base of the triangle this time. Meanwhile I will have a very important decision to make. Bread omelette or cutlets for breakfast. Tatanagar to Kharagpur rumbling over the Subarnarekha on the way.

Kharagpur Junction will remind me of the time I once spent the wee hours of the night waiting for the Howrah-Madras mail to turn up. The long platforms meant that I got plenty of exercise. Walking up and down them was the only way of passing the time that night. The line towards Bhubhaneshwar and further into Andhra will surely remind me of home.

At Panskura Junction I will note the line branching off towards Haldia as the Gitanjali sails through on the final home stretch to Howrah. She will be keen to impress before I say goodbye. Santragachi, Tikiapara and Howrah, right on the stroke of lunch. At this point it will strike me that I’ve just travelled between two of the magnificent termini both built by the British. Both, more than a century old. And as for the train, it too bears the name that is just as old.

This is a journey I really must make in the not too distant future.