#i got 20 seconds into an episode and had a Moment hold on

[autistic-shaiapouf]

This is gonna bother me until I say it but as I rewatch the CAA I'm being reminded that people do think that queen ants "give orders" to the rest of the colony when there is no chain of command in an ant nest and the queen's role is grossly overstated

[stevie-petey]

episode two: the weirdo on maple street

Trying to ease the awkwardness, you hold up a poster and offer it to them, but Steve snatches it from your grasp. “Henderson, didn’t know you were also a little know-it-all. Why don’t you share your review sheet with the rest of us?” He says, casting a teasing look your way. It isn’t until he inspects the piece of paper that he finally notices that it’s a missing poster for a child, not a review sheet. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” You snatch the poster back from him. “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

summary: you use your limited psych knowledge to help a bald girl, you force jonathan to accept $20 and he's later an ass to you, steve doesn't know what a "missing" poster looks like, and it's really hard being a single mother to now four kids.

rating: general, but there's cursing as usual and steve being... well, steve - but hes still season 1 steve so give him some time

warnings: cursing, fem!reader, use of y/n, and there's more angst in this chapter with some fighting between reader and jonathan, so fair warning.

words: 10.1k (the longest thing ive ever written)

before you swing in: i'm almost done with chapter 4, so here's a sweet treat as i cram for exams lmao. some housekeeping: should i do a tag list ? i got a few questions about it, so pls let me know soldiers. also, i feel the need to clarify that i adore nancy but for plot reasons - reader and her don't really get along (but they def will later, trust me). season 1 nancy and steve are just so silly. anyways, i hope y'all enjoy this loooong chapter. the rest definitely aren't as lengthy due to plot, but wow. i amazed myself. carry on !

-

Your jeans drip onto the Wheeler’s carpet, and you’ve definitely left a wet imprint on the couch cushion beneath you. The other boys are dripping as well, but all their attention is on the girl in front of them. 

After finding her in the woods, your motherly instincts kicked in, immediately removing your coat to place on her and gently ushering her to your bike and demanding that the boys go back to Mike’s. Your mom is home, so your house was out of the question, and it’s always been easy sneaking into the Wheeler’s, anyways. 

Once you all had made it back, you guided the girl onto the couch and sat next to her. You refuse to let her go too far from you, having no idea where she came from or why, but regardless you know she’s too young for any of it to have been good. 

Which leads you to now: wearily watching the boys stare at the girl as if she’s some science experiment, asking her a million questions a second.

Bless them and their little prepubescent minds. 

Lucas reaches out to touch her, and before you can nudge him away, Mike slaps at his hand. “Stop it! You’re freaking her out!”

“She’s freaking me out!” Lucas retaliates, which honestly? That’s fair. The girl hasn’t said anything yet, even after your multiple attempts to get her to do so. No matter how much you try, you can’t coax a response out of her. 

“I bet she’s deaf.” Your brother offers, suddenly clapping his hands to scare her, making both you and her flinch. “Not deaf…”

You roll your eyes at him. “Guys, she’s probably just really scared right now. We should give her some space,” you look at both Lucas and Dustin, “and time,” now you look at Mike. The three boys deflate a bit. 

“She’s probably cold,” Mike says after a moment of silence, and you nod at his suggestion. Seeing your agreement, he walks over to a basket of clothes and takes out some pajamas.

While Mike is away, thunder rumbles and the girl jumps, unconsciously getting closer to you. You wrap an arm around her reassuringly, making note that she doesn’t like loud noises. If anything, she’s showing more and more signs of trauma response, which makes you uneasy. You remember Hopper saying something about Will being in danger. What are the odds that this little girl was running from something as well?

“Here, these are clean.” Mike’s return breaks you from your thoughts, and you take the clothes from him and stand up. You thank him, then offer your hand to the girl. She looks at you uncertainly. 

“It’s okay,” you reassure her. “Let’s go get you dressed in some warm clothes. I’m right here, sweetheart.” 

“She’s super nice.” Dustin says, trying to help.

Lucas adds, “Yeah, you can trust her.” 

“She’s alright.” Is all Mike offers.

You give them all an appreciative smile, even if Mike is being a bit of an ass, and then you feel a small, cold hand wrap around yours. The girl stands up, looking around shyly, and you lead her to the bathroom. When you go to close the door, she stops you.

Mike has followed, seeing the interaction. “You don’t want it closed?”

Her voice is quiet, solemn. “No,”

You and Mike look at each other, and he voices what you’re thinking. “So you can speak.”

He looks excited about this new information, and you shove his head out of the doorway. She needs to get dressed. “We’ll leave the door cracked, okay?”

She nods at you, and you stand guard outside the door. It’s not that you don’t trust the boys, but Mike has only known her for ten minutes and he’s already been nicer to her than you’ve ever seen him with anyone else. The only other person he’s this soft spoken to is Will, so you’re protective of her. 

You can hear the boys discussing tonight’s events from the living area while the girl gets dressed. They sound scared, and a part of you can’t blame them. While you’re fairly certain that the girl isn’t dangerous, it’s still a creepy situation. Once again, Hopper’s new theory surrounding Will floats through your mind. This all can’t be some coincidence. 

Sighing, you approach the boys and catch a bit of the conversation. 

“Our houses become Alcatraz.” You hear Lucas saying, and you figure they’ve finally pieced together that there’s no way any of you can tell anyone about the girl. None of you were supposed to be out tonight. As much as you know you should tell an adult, you also need to be able to help Jonathan with finding Will. If your mom locks the house down, you’re doomed. 

“Lucas is right,” the boys turn to you. “We can’t go to anyone about this just yet, but I also don’t think it’s a good idea to hide her. She’s been through something terrible, it’s obvious. Tonight, I say she gets some rest. We can figure out what to do later.” 

Mike nods, for once agreeing wholeheartedly with you. “She’ll sleep here tonight-”

Dustin’s eyes widen in horror, “You’re letting a girl-”

You clamp your hand over his mouth, motioning for Mike to continue.

“Thanks, Y/N. In the morning, she sneaks around my house, goes to the front door and rings my doorbell. My mom will answer and know exactly what to do. She’ll send her back to Pennhurst,”

They think she’s from Pennhurst? You think, but don’t verbalize it.

“Or wherever she comes from. We’ll be totally in the clear! And tomorrow night, we go back out, and this time we find Will.”

You gotta hand it to Mike Wheeler, he may be a pain in the ass, but he’s a smart pain in the ass. The plan is pretty sound, so long as he follows through with it. However, it’s him following through with it that leaves you a bit unsure. 

He looks at you for approval, and you hesitantly nod. “It’s a pretty good plan, Wheeler. So long as you stick to it.” 

Lucas and Dustin nod along with you, there’s an unspoken sense of doubt that Mike will actually be able to turn the girl over to his mom. Then she walks out, dressed now in some of Nancy’s old clothes. She draws into herself when you all turn to her, shy. You walk over and offer your hand again, which she accepts. 

“Mike, go find her something to sleep on. Dustin, we gotta go soon before mom notices we’re gone.”

Both boys comply, with Mike searching for a sleeping bag and Dustin packing up his stuff. You crouch down next to the girl, so that you’re face to face, and give her a warm smile. “It was lovely meeting you. My name is Y/N, I hope Mike over there doesn’t give you a hard time tonight.” 

Mike flips you off, having heard you. “If he’s annoying,” you lean in close to her now, whispering in her ear. “You have my permission to pinch him.”

The girl giggles, finally relaxing a bit, and you warm with pride. She’ll be okay, she seems like a very resilient girl and you’ll oddly miss her. 

The two other boys are waiting for you upstairs. You all wish Mrs. Wheeler a good night and head out. Thankfully the rain has now stopped, so the bike ride home isn’t bad. You stop at Lucas’ turn to make sure he gets home safely before finally arriving at your place. As Dustin begins pedaling into your driveway, you don’t follow. 

“I’m going to go see Jonathan, he didn’t answer my calls earlier and I just…”

Dustin waves at you, not even bothering to turn around. “Yeah yeah, go see your boyfriend. If mom asks, you’re asleep.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend-”

“Are you seriously going to argue with me after I offered to cover for you?”

Your brother gives you a pointed look, and you know he’s right. “Touche.” 

Dustin goes to leave, but you quickly grab at his jacket. “Before I forget, swear to me that you’ll keep me updated if anything weird happens, okay?”

He nods at you, knowing better than to argue, and gives you a mock salute as he heads inside. 

The living room light is on when you arrive at the Byers home, despite the late hour, but you aren’t surprised. You knock on the door and wait. When no one comes, you knock again, a bit louder this time. After another few moments, the door swings open. 

Jonathan has a finger over his lips in a shushing manner, motioning to Joyce who is passed out on the couch. You nod, letting him know you understand. The two of you go to his room and when he closes the door, you finally get a good look at him. He looks worse than he did earlier, the bags under his eyes have somehow gotten darker. His hair is a mess, his eyes bloodshot. 

“You’re soaked.” Jonathan says. 

“Yeah,” he doesn’t want to talk about it yet, so you play along. “Got caught in the rain. Are some of my spare clothes still in your bottom drawer?”

He nods at you, going over and grabbing a t-shirt and pajama pants for you. You accept them gratefully and excuse yourself to the bathroom to change. Your bones are cold, the rain seemingly having penetrated the layers of your skin. In the mirror you see that your own eyes are bloodshot; you don’t look much better than Jonathan, really.

When you return Jonathan is sitting on his bed, so you join him. It’s silent between you, all you can hear is his breathing. You stare straight ahead, so does he, and you wait. You’ve only seen Jonathan like this a handful of times, where the stress and anxiety becomes too much for him. He shuts down, draws into himself, and all you can do is wait for him to return to you; he always does. 

“Mom got a call tonight.” Jonathan’s voice is hoarse, and he looks frail. You wonder if he ever did end up making the spaghetti you prepared for him.

“Who was it?”

He swallows heavily, taking a moment to respond. “She said it was Will.”

“Will?” You look at him now, searching for any signs on his face, his voice lacks emotion. By the way he stares blankly ahead, as if he’s not really present with you right now, you know that it hadn’t been Will on the other end. 

“She started freaking out, going ballistic,” his voice cracks a bit, so you take a chance and reach for his hand. He lets you take it, giving you a squeeze, before continuing. “She was screaming, begging whoever it was to give Will back.” 

Jonathan pauses again. You don’t say anything, because no words will help. He’s never been the type for comforting words, anyways. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “It wasn’t him. Lightning struck and our phone got charred. It wasn’t Will.”

Now it’s your turn to squeeze Jonathan’s hand. He doesn’t deserve any of this. None of the Byers do. Out of the entire town, they’re the family who deserves the most that life can give. Will, too good. Jonathan, too selfless. Joyce, too loving. They’re the best damn people you know. 

“I tried calming her down, but she was hysterical. She’s only asleep right now because she worked herself up too much and passed out. I’m worried she-'' Jonathan shakes his head, as if ashamed by his own words. “I’m worried she’s going crazy, Y/N.”

He’s quiet again, but you can tell he’s about to break. His knee is now bouncing up and down and his breathing has become slightly ragged. Everything from today has been building up, it was only a matter of time before he snapped. You’re also worried about Joyce, a part of you skeptical to believe her, but the little girl you found tonight in the rain? Something was definitely weird about Will’s disappearance, but you’re hesitant to tell Jonathan just yet. For all you know, she could’ve simply been a girl who got lost and will be returned to her family tomorrow. 

You don’t want to worry Jonathan any more than you need to.

“I should’ve been there for him. I shouldn’t have taken that shift.” He gasps out, and like a dam the tears begin to fall. You’re quick to pull him into a hug and he crumbles into you. His body shakes with violent sobs and he clutches at you as if afraid you’ll leave.

“You can’t blame yourself.” You whisper, stroking a hand through his hair. He cries even harder, the force of it almost enough to knock you over, so you situate yourself so that you’re fully on the bed, laying against his pillows, with Jonathan crying into your chest beside you. 

“He’s g-gone.”

“We’ll find him, I promise.” Your own tears threaten to come out, but you force them down. You have to be here for him, he needs you. The only other time Jonathan has so openly cried was when Lonnie left years ago. He’s been holding everything in since then, all those years of looking after his family, taking care of his brother, getting harassed by assholes like Tommy Hagan. 

Neither of you say anything else, and you know that Jonathan needs to let it all out. You soothe him as best as you can, running a hand through his hair, stroking his back, reassuring him over and over again that none of this is his fault until your own voice becomes hoarse. You don’t know how long you stay like this, but sometime during the night Jonathan finally falls asleep, and you follow shortly after him. 

— 

Sunlight streams through Jonathan’s spare bed sheet that he’s pinned over his window, serving as a makeshift curtain, waking you up. You stretch, careful not to wake the boy beside you, and crawl out of the bed. You’re antsy, already knowing that today will be another long day. After grabbing some clothes from your designated drawer and getting dressed, you head into the kitchen and start making a quick breakfast. Just as you’re finishing up, Jonathan comes out of his room, dressed and ready for the day.

Neither of you say anything about the night prior, instead silently working around each other in the kitchen with years of practiced ease. He hands you the salt shaker right when you need it, you grab the pieces of toast that he popped into the toaster, the two of you never once get in each other’s way. You get deja vu, remembering all the times you’ve slept over with Dustin, you and Jonathan making the boys breakfast while they slept in. 

The only indication that last night really happened is a forehead kiss from Jonathan, his lips soft against your head. Out of the two of you, you’re definitely the touchy one, so it’s always a nice surprise when he initiates the touch, and his forehead kisses were a welcome rarity. 

When the plates have been made, Joyce gets up from the couch and stumbles over to the table. You quickly help her sit down, and for the first time since Will’s disappearance you’re able to really look at her. She looks like Jonathan, only worse. The bags under her eyes are darker, her hair is more matted, and you believe she’s still wearing the same shirt you saw her in the night that Will went missing. 

“All right, mom. Breakfast is ready.” Jonathan tries to place her plate on the table, but Joyce stops him, worried about the poster of Will. 

Jonathan gives you a look and you run over to the table, grabbing the poster so that he can set the plate down. 

Joyce gives you a tired smile, “Thank you, Y/N, but I can’t eat.”

“I just need you to eat, mom.” 

“Jonathan’s right, Mrs. Byers. You need to eat, we gotta keep your strength up.” You feel like you’re talking to a child, but in a way, you suppose you are. 

The woman lights a cigarette instead, and faintly you wonder how many she’s had within the last 48 hours; you’ll need to wash your clothes when you get home. She begins to ask Jonathan to go to Xerox to make as many copies of Will’s poster as possible. You sit down in front of her, silently eating, knowing there’s no place for you in this conversation. 

It’s not that the Byers are ashamed that they have little money, but you know it’s rude to listen in. They make do with what they have, and Jonathan has never felt embarrassed with you knowing it. 

“I don’t want you to go alone,” Joyce says, causing you to speak up. 

“I’ll go with him and help hang them up, it’s no problem.” 

Jonathan turns to you. “You have that chem test, remember? I’m not letting you miss that.” 

“Shit…” you bury your face into your hands. You completely forgot about that after finding the little girl last night and dealing with Jonathan. You’ve heard about how impossible the chem exams were, and science has never been your best subject. That was Dustin’s thing, your thing was more humanities. 

“You’re the smartest person I know, you’ll ace the exam,” Jonathan reassures you before turning to his mom. “And I’ll handle the posters, it’s okay.” 

Joyce has been lost in thought during your conversation with her son, only beginning to speak again when she’s asked how many copies will be efficient. Once she starts speaking again, it’s almost like she’s physically unable to stop. She begins to ramble, finally exposing the crumbling woman that you’ve only heard about, now understanding Jonathan’s fears for her. 

“Mom-”

“If we… ten cents-”

“Mom!” Jonathan raises his voice a bit, now grabbing at his mother’s hand. “You can’t get like this, okay?”

The look on Joyce’s face kills you. She looks so lost, ashamed of her behavior, and you cast your head down; this is a private matter. Joyce profusely apologizes to him and all Jonathan can do is gently reassure her that it’s okay. All of this is okay. 

Their tender moment is interrupted by knocking on the front door, revealing Hopper on the other side. His presence makes you uneasy, so you stay in the kitchen and begin to clean up with Jonathan while Joyce attacks him with questions. 

“A little bit of trust here, alright? We’ve been searching all night.” You hear the cop say. Your hand clenches the sponge, rubbing a bit harder at the plate you’re cleaning. If they’ve been searching all night, why are they here now?

“Went all the way to Cartersville.” Ever since Will disappeared, you’ve been building a wall of hope within you that he’ll be found safe and sound. However, with every passing day, with every new situation that occurs, you can feel a piece of the wall collapse. You can feel it now; the search party went all the way to Cartersville.

“And?” Joyce asks. 

“Nothing.” The cry that Joyce lets out causes you to drop the plate you’ve been cleaning, shattering on the floor. You curse, immediately bending down to pick up the pieces. Luckily it didn’t shatter into a million bits, but you still feel horrible for breaking one of their dishes. 

Jonathan bends down as well to help, and the commotion catches Hopper’s attention. He sees you scrambling to clean up the mess and sighs with annoyance. “Does she live here or something?” 

You and Jonathan look at each other, a slight smile on your faces, and only respond to Hopper with a synchronized shrug. You basically do live at the Byers’ at this point, you have been for years now. It was the same for Jonathan: if you weren’t at his house, he was at yours. 

Joyce wipes some of her tears away. “Y/N is family, she’s here to help.” 

Hopper ignores this, instead bringing up the phone call from the night before. Joyce leads him over to the phone, and you join them once you’ve collected the remaining pieces of broken glass. When you see the phone, you can’t help but gasp. Jonathan’s words from last night are accurate, the phone is charred. 

“Storm barbecued this pretty good.” Hopper says.

Joyce waves her arms out, disbelieving. “The storm? You’re saying that that’s not… weird?”

“No, it’s weird.” Hopper begins, but you cut him off. 

“It’s really weird.”

He glares at you. You mumble a quick sorry and back away a bit while Jonathan asks if the call can be traced. Hopper focuses back on the situation at hand, informing him that it isn’t possible and then questions if Joyce even heard Will in the first place. The question makes you cringe, knowing it’ll only make Joyce more agitated and hurt.

“Flo said you just heard some breathing.” 

It’s the way he phrases the question, the way he emphasizes the word “just”, that bothers you. This woman has just lost her kid, what kind of mother wouldn’t know her own child’s breathing?

“Even if it was ‘just’ some breathing, I’d know it was my brother. Will is her son, she’d know better than anyone.” You find yourself saying. The words weren’t meant to leave your mouth, but the appreciative look Joyce casts your way outweighs the fear from Hopper’s glare. 

“It was him. It was Will, and he was scared. Then something-”

“It was probably just a prank call,” Hopper tries to reason with her, causing you to roll your eyes at him. You respect the guy, you do, but could he at least attempt to listen to Joyce?

You excuse yourself before you say anything else, heading back into the kitchen to collect the two posters you and Jonathan made. While the others talk, you grab his things and pack his bag for him. You know he’ll probably skip school today to get the copies done in time, maybe keep an eye on his mom, so you make a mental note to inform him later that you’ll help with putting the fliers up the second you’re done with the exam. He needs someone there for him. 

When you’ve grabbed the last of Jonathan’s things, Lonnie’s name is mentioned. You freeze, standing right outside the hall from them, only a wall between you. If Lonnie is somehow involved in this, you’ll kill him yourself. He was always cruel to Will, even when you were around to witness it. You hate him more than anything in this damn world. 

“It’s been long enough, I’m having him checked out.” Hopper declares, storming out of the house. 

You count to three in your head, and the second you get to three, Jonathan is following after Hopper. You knew he would, hating his father the most out of everyone who has had the displeasure of meeting him. You follow behind him, heading outside to talk to the Chief. 

“Hey, Hopper. Let me go.” 

Hopper takes a drag from his cigarette, facing the two of you. “I’m sorry?”

“To Lonnie’s,” Jonathan says, looking at you for backup.

You do your best to try. “If Will’s there, that means he probably ran away. Cops will scare the poor boy, he’ll think he’s in trouble.”

“And he’ll hide. He’s good at hiding.” Jonathan finishes for you. 

Hopper stares at you both, inhaling more smoke from his cigarette and blowing it in your direction with a curious look in his eyes. “You two are sickening to be near, you know that?”

You and Jonathan share an annoyed look. A kid is missing, and you still have to clarify that you aren’t together? “It’s not like that,” Jonathan says.

“Sure, you know cops are good at detecting lies,” Hopper approaches him now, grabbing his shoulders. For a brief second you’re afraid he’ll hurt him. “And we’re also good at finding, okay? Stay here with your mom. She needs you.” 

Hopper punches at Jonathan’s shoulder before facing you. “And you,” you brace for whatever he’s about to say, knowing you probably aren’t his favorite person at the moment. He points at Jonathan, “He needs you.”

His words hang in the air several minutes after he’s gone. You glance at Jonathan, but he doesn’t meet your eye and instead he goes back inside. You sigh, following after him because it’s what you do. Hopper’s right, he needs you. 

Jonathan’s in the living room, speaking softly to his mom when you enter. You don’t disturb them but rather snatch Jonathan’s keys from the counter and wait for him by the door. Like Joyce said, Xerox opens in about thirty minutes and you have a chem exam to take. If you leave now, you’ll be able to make the copies with him and be back in time before school.

The ride to Xerox is tense, you know Jonathan is upset that he’s been sidelined by Hopper. You also know that he’s torn between wanting to help his mom and staying out of his house as much as possible. If it weren’t for your god damn chem test you’d offer to skip and hide out at your place, but you can’t. Jonathan wouldn’t let you risk your future for him (even though you would, in a heartbeat, a million times over). 

The man at Xerox gives Jonathan a look of pity, clearly recognizing Will’s picture on the poster. It’s your favorite photo of him, smiling with all his teeth and happy as can be. From what you’ve heard, the whole town has been conducting search parties for him. Jonathan ignores the look and asks for the 200 copies to be made. 

It’s just you and him in the store as you wait for the prints to be done. The guy said it’d be about a ten minute wait so you wander around the store. Jonathan clearly is in a no talking mood, so you occupy yourself with whatever you find. You wish you’d brought your backpack to Jonathan’s last night so you could at least study a bit while waiting, but you didn’t. It’d be a miracle if you pass this exam. 

Jonathan wanders around as well, so you give a quick look around and find the employee. He’s standing over the printer when you approach. “I’d like to pay for the copies, please.”

“You can pay after they’re done-”

“No, I can’t let him see,” you point over to Jonathan, who is now looking at some stationary. “Please, just let me pay now so he can yell at me later.” 

The guy gives you a shrug, clearly not getting paid enough to care. “Okay, it’ll be $20. Just leave the money on the counter over there, the prints should be done soon.” 

You nod and do as you’re told, leaving the $20 bill on the counter while Jonathan isn’t looking. He can kill you later, right now you want to make up for not being able to help with hanging them up. There’s literally hundreds to get through, he can’t do that all alone. 

When the posters are done and Jonathan collects them, you wish the worker a good day and then wrap your arms around him and use all your strength to drag your friend into the car. He doesn't fight back at first, too confused by your actions, and you’re almost out the door before he sees the man pocket the money and wave at you. The dots connect in his head and Jonathan begins to fight against you. 

“Y/N, let me pay-”

“Nope. Not happening!”

“We both know I’m stronger-”

“Debatable, honestly, seeing as how we’re almost to your car.”

“Let go!” He tugs harshly as his arm, which you’ve got a secure hold on, causing you to stumble a bit. 

You plant your feet more firmly against the ground and use all your weight to pull the boy forward. You’re a few feet away from the car, just one more solid pull should do the trick. “Stop fighting this, Byers. I’ve already paid-”

“Which you shouldn’t have!”

“Keep fighting and drop all the posters, I dare you.”

Jonathan looks down at the posters in his spare hand, realizing that you’re right. If he doesn’t give in soon, they’ll topple over. He lets out an agitated groan, throwing his head back, and then marches over to the car to unlock it and fling himself into the driver’s seat. “Just get in.” 

You do a small victory dance and hop in the car.

“I hate you.” 

“You love me.” 

He hesitates only for a moment. “God, I hate that I do.” 

You smile, buckling your seatbelt. Jonathan pulls out of the parking lot and begins the drive to school. He’s less tense this time, at least. The small little wrestling match between the two of you seemingly did some good, then. 

When you pull up to school, you once again apologize to Jonathan for being unable to help. He waves you off, understanding. 

“It’s okay, I promise. I can’t have you failing out of high school because of me.”

You roll your eyes. “One test won’t make me become a high school dropout, Jonathan.”

He ruffles your hair, which you slap him for. “You can join me after, okay? Good luck, bug.” 

“Fine, but I’m taking some posters with me so I can hang up on my way to my locker.” 

“Deal.”

You run to your locker, flinging it open and letting out a sigh of relief when you spot your chem cards. Honestly, you really should’ve prepared better for your little sleepover at the Byers. You glance at the watch on your wrist, noting that you have roughly fifteen minutes to memorize all the elements in the periodic table as well as some chemistry definitions. 

Just peachy. 

You tie your hair up so you can focus better and grab the note cards. If you review the cards as you walk to class, you can save at least three minutes of studying time. You tuck the few remaining posters of Will under your arm and begin to head to your class, getting absorbed in all the elements and words. As you’re skimming a card about protein being K, you run into Nancy and Barb, who also seem to have the same idea as you.

“Oh, hey Y/N.” Nancy greets you, Barb waving to you as well. 

They’re being nice, so you try to make conversation. “Studying for Kaminsky’s test?”

They nod at you and Nancy sighs, “Yeah, his exams are the worst.”

You laugh a bit, for once on the same page as her. “I know. I spent last night at Jonathan’s, I completely forgot about the test until this morning. I’m screwed.”

Barb raises her eyebrows at you while Nancy suddenly looks sad. “Oh, I’m sorry about Will. I know you and him are close.” 

“Yeah, it must be hard taking care of Jonathan right now.” Barb voices. 

You give them both an awkward smile. “Thanks, I guess? It’s just, there’s still hope, so…” 

The three of you stand there as your voice trails off. It’s painfully awkward. While you’ve known Nancy since you were 12, and at some point you even called her a close friend of yours, the second you entered high school she became distant. You never blamed her for it, people simply grow up and grow apart. Now you only ever interact with her if it concerns the boys. 

Trying to ease the awkwardness, you hold up a poster and offer it to them, but Steve snatches it from your grasp.

“Henderson, didn’t know you were also a little know-it-all. Why don’t you share your cheat sheet with the rest of us?” He says, casting a teasing look your way. It isn’t until he inspects the piece of paper that he finally notices that it’s a missing poster for a child, not a review sheet. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.”

You snatch the poster back from him. “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

His friends laugh, but Steve has a bit of heart to look guilty, so you count that as something. His shame doesn’t last long though and the goofy and sweet boy who made sure you were okay after almost hitting you with his car is gone. 

Steve plays off the situation as if it were nothing. “Let me make it up to you, Henderson. I know you’re probably stressed out of your mind dealing with boyfriend troubles because of Bill-”

“His name is Will,” you grit out, remembering now why you dislike Steve so much. Everything was about impressing his friends, and while you can sympathize with him, it doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole. 

“Right, Will. Anyways, I was just about to inform Nance over here that my dad has left town on a conference and my mom’s gone with him, ‘cause, ya know, she doesn’t trust him.” 

“Good call,” Tommy says, and you glare at him. 

Steve carries on. “So, are you guys in?”

“In for what?” Nancy asks. 

“No parents, a big house?” Carol says, as if Nancy is a giant idiot.

You feel bad for her being treated so poorly by her boyfriend’s friends, so you lean in and whisper, “A party, Nancy.” Then you look at Steve. “And no, I’ll pass.” 

Steve pouts. “Can’t leave loverboy alone for a couple hours?”

You scoff, shoving the poster against his chest, using more force than probably necessary, but the satisfying grunt he lets out pleases you. “If I didn’t know you I’d say you sound jealous. Unfortunately, I do know you, and that’s exactly why I’m not interested.”

“Meow,” says Carol as she and Tommy laugh. 

You ignore her and push past the group to get to class. You’ve wasted enough time, you have to study. Steve lets you, hurt by your words, but tries to play it off, instead focusing his attention on Jonathan up ahead hanging up some posters. You both see him at the same time and as you start to approach him, you hear Steve and his group mock him. 

“God, that’s depressing.” Steve says, and you’ve never wanted to hit a man more than you do right now. 

You glance at Nancy, trying to convey your disappointment in her. She’s a nice girl, she shouldn’t be with an idiot like Harrington. Who the hell makes fun of a guy with a missing brother? Nancy doesn’t meet your eye, which pleases you. She should feel guilty. 

As you near Jonathan, Nancy calls after you to wait up. You listen, mostly because you’re surprised she even followed, and together you walk up to him. “Hey, bee. I thought you’d be long gone by now.” 

Jonathan looks up at your voice, surprised when he sees Nancy next to you. He gives you a look that you conclude is a what is she doing here? look and you can only shrug as if to say I have no clue how I ended up in this situation. 

Nancy doesn’t see this exchange. “Hey,”

“Hey,” Jonathan responds, still confused. 

Nancy looks at you uncertainly, but you refuse to leave. Screw your exam, if she even considers voicing her boyfriend’s opinions to Jonathan then you’ll personally see that she fails alongside you. “I just… I wanted to say, you know… I’m sorry, about everything.” 

Oh, she’s being nice. You’re still unimpressed, but Jonathan motions to you to stop staring her down, so you reluctantly listen. 

“Everyone’s thinking about you.”

You all turn towards Steve and his group, who are clearly listening in, and you snort at her words. “Right, obviously.” 

“Y/N.” Jonathan warns. 

“Sorry.” 

“It sucks.” Nancy continues, and you have to give her some credit. You’re being a blatant bitch, but she’s still trying. You feel a bit bad now, which honestly makes you dislike her a bit more. Damn morals. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s a smart kid.” 

The bell rings, ending Nancy’s little monologue. “I have to go, chemistry test. Y/N, want to walk together?” 

She really makes it impossible to be a bitch to her. “Sure, just give me a second.”

You lean close to Jonathan and lower your voice. “Good luck with your dad, bee.” 

“How did you know I’d go-”

“Because of course you would. Now go, give him hell for me, will ya?”

Jonathan nods, relieved you aren’t pushing the topic. You know that Lonnie is a sore topic for him, for the entire Byers family, really. You only knew Lonnie for a year or so before Joyce left him, but you’ll never forget his spiteful words and the bruises that Jonathan tried to hide from you. He needs to do this alone, father and son. 

You see Nancy watching, and just to spite her you kiss Jonathan’s cheek, relishing in the fact that she looks away, and you wish him luck once again before following her to class. 

The test isn’t as bad as you’d feared, and the rest of the day goes by with relative ease. You don’t see much of Steve and his group and you’re thankful for that. Nancy also keeps her distance, no longer attempting to be all buddy buddy with you. A part of you feels bad about that, because honestly the thought of someone thinking you hate them makes you feel physically ill, but as long as Nancy is with someone like Steve, there’s not much you can do about that. 

After school you stop by all of Jonathan’s classes and collect the work he’s missed over the last few days; he has enough to worry about, so you figured you could help do some assignments for him. It’s nothing unusual, truth to be told. There was a time you were out for two weeks straight due to the flu one year and Jonathan did every one of your assignments, so it’s about time you returned the favor. 

Once you have what you need, you hang up the remaining flyers in your bag and begin your journey to work. You’ve used up all of your sick days helping the Byers, and while Mrs. Waters has insisted on letting you have more time off, you figured the distraction would be good for you. Jonathan will want some space after confronting his dad, and as much as you hated Lonnie, something told you he had nothing to do with Will. 

Just when your shift is almost done, your coworker, this young kid named Alex who you’re honestly surprised can legally work, informs you that your mom is on the phone and wants to speak with you. You stack the remaining books in your hands and thank him, walking over to pick up the call.

“Hey, mom. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetie! I was just calling to tell ya that Dusty is at the Wheeler’s tonight for dinner, so my plan for ribs won’t work without him. I was wondering if darling Johnny could feed you tonight? I know the two of you have that little sneaky food game.” 

Your posture, once slumped over and uninterested, now straightens out. Why the hell is Dustin having dinner at the Wheeler’s? They never do that. “Uh, sure mom that won’t be an issue.”

Your mom lets out a sigh of relief. “Bless that Jonathan! I’ve always liked him…”

Your mom may be the biggest Jonathan supporter you’ve ever met. “Yeah, he’s your favorite. I know,” you shift a bit to catch Alex’s attention, mouthing to him that you need to leave work early. “Hey, did Dustin by chance say how long he’ll be at the Wheeler’s? I can swing by and pick him up after my shift.” 

“Oh, I think he’s staying the night there. He mentioned something about Mike not finishing his part of their little science project?”

They’re calling the little girl a science project now? Boys are so typical. “Oh, I see. Well, I gotta get back to work, mom. I’ll be home late tonight.”

Your mom wishes you goodbye and warns you not to be out too late. You hum, already trying to figure out the quickest route to the Wheeler’s house. You can’t say you’re surprised that Mike didn’t follow the plan, but you also can’t say you were prepared for this either. 

Alex comes back with your boss and you quickly make up a lie about not feeling well. Mrs. Waters gives you a pitying look and tells you to go. You’re incredibly grateful for her, she’s like a grandmother to you and has always been so kind. 

You quickly bike to Mike’s house, going over a grand speech in your head for the boys. Logistically speaking, you’re not sure if they can even harbor the little girl in his basement. Would it be kidnapping? Could kids even kidnap other kids? You aren’t sure and you definitely aren’t willing to find out. 

You arrive at the house just as Nancy and Barb are pulling out of the driveway, presumably to Steve’s grand house party. They wave at you awkwardly and you don’t have it in you to wave back. You park your bike next to their doorstep and knock on the door. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Mrs. Wheeler asks after opening the door. 

“Oh, I was just wondering if I could hang out with the boys tonight? Jonathan’s busy and I promised Dustin I’d help with their campaign.”

Mrs. Wheeler cocks her head at you. “But I thought there was a special assembly at the school for Will? Nancy and Barb just left for it.” 

You feel your blood boil a bit. There was no assembly for Will at your school, and it was really damn low of Nancy to use his disappearance as a cover story for her stupid party. She’s known Will since he was practically a baby. You have no idea how someone could be so unaffected by a missing child, let alone one who has been at your house every damn weekend for years now. 

“Oh, that!” You force yourself to remain calm; there isn’t time to snitch on Nancy, Mrs. Wheeler would only have more questions for you. “Yeah, I’m, uh, skipping it. Jonathan doesn’t want to go, so after he’s back from his errands I’m heading over to his place to, you know, comfort him?” 

The woman stares at you for a second, trying to determine if there are any lies to your words. You’ve never been the best liar, but being the oldest Henderson child has unfortunately prepared you for being quick on your feet when needed. 

“Well, come on then. They boys just went downstairs, and if you can please remind them to bring the plate of food back up here I’d really appreciate it.”

You thank Mrs. Wheeler and let yourself in. Her words have all but solidified your suspicions: Mike kept the girl. 

When you descend the basement steps, it’s almost comical how the kids scramble to hide the girl like little cockroaches. They run around and Dustin screams something about covering her before the poor girl is being manhandled into a sheet as Mike screams at Lucas and Dustin to calm down. 

“Guys! It’s just me! Jesus!” You shout, shoving past Mike to rush over to the girl and free her from the sheets. She looks more frightened than usual, but at least she’s alive. 

“God, why am I always the one you push?”

You shush Mike, smoothing back the girl’s hair and offering her a reassuring smile. “Remember me, sweetheart?”

The girl nods and softly says, “Y/N.”

“Very good. I’m going to scream at my brother real quick, so why don’t you cover your ears for me so you don’t get too frightened?” 

“Wait, what-”

The minute her ears are covered, you turn to Dustin and begin screaming. “Are you brain dead and not understand the words ‘tell me if anything weird happens’ or do you simply lack the appropriate empathy needed for a concerned sister?”

Dustin ducks his head in shame. “Y/N, look-”

“No! I’m all for helping you guys with your adventures and whatever, but Will went missing and then she appears and Mike,” you turn to him and he hides behind a frightened Lucas. “You said you’d stick to your plan. Now tell me, did you?”

Mike shakes his head, his eyes wide. Dustin looks no better as he cowers behind the others. Lucas simply shrugs, knowing that this would happen. You never, ever, yell at the boys; the few times you have in the past, all hell had broken loose. 

“Y/N-”

“Zip it, Henderson. I’m so pissed off at you right now and if you want to make it to thirteen I suggest you keep quiet.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now, why don’t you guys catch me up on what you’ve so sweetly kept hidden from me.” It’s worded as a question, but the boys know better than to deny you. 

You sit on the ground so that you’re next to the girl and then motion for the three boys in front of you to start speaking. They look at Mike, giving him a nudge, and he hesitantly steps forward to begin speaking. “Her name is El.”

The girl, El, looks up at you and smiles. You return the smile and knock your shoulder against hers in a playful manner. “Nice to meet you, can I ask what El is short for?”

“Eleven,” she says, and you want to question the name further but the look on Mike’s face stops you. Now is not the time, you guess. 

“El, she’s… different.” Mike continues, looking around nervously. He’s acting as if someone could break in any second and snipe you guys, and a part of you doesn’t doubt it can happen. “She has these powers, like, mind control powers.”

You snort, unable to stop yourself. El looks at you, looking unoffended, seemingly expecting this reaction. However, Mike groans at you. “Y/N, this is serious. She-she knows about Will.”

At this, your smile fades and you feel an overwhelming sense of hope take over you. You find your arms wrapping around El before you can control yourself and you give her a tight hug. She stiffens in your arms and you immediately pull away. “I’m sorry, I just… sorry.”

She laughs a bit, softly saying that it’s okay. 

“Do you really know Will? Where he is?” You ask, almost too scared to say the words out loud. If she’s telling the truth… you shake your head in an attempt to dispel any false hope. You don’t know this girl, she could be lying. 

Before El can say anything else, Mike speaks for her. “She does, but there’s bad men out there who want to hurt her. I think they’re after Will, too.” 

You freeze. “Bad men?”

“Yes, this is why we didn’t want to tell you!”

“I wanted to tell her,” Lucas says, which causes Mike to glare at him.

You wave your arms at the two boys, breaking up their fight. “Mike, what do you mean by bad men? Honey,” you look at El, “did someone hurt you? Are you in danger? Should I call the police?”

“No!” All three boys shout at once. 

You look at them, at the genuine fear in their eyes, and sigh, “Okay, if you can give me a good reason not to call the cops, I won’t.”

“Did you not hear the part about El having powers?” Dustin asks. 

“Gee, Dustin. You’re right! It’s like her having powers is totally believable and reassuring to the situation at hand!”

“I can show you,” El speaks up. 

You all face her now. “You can?” 

She nods at you, getting up and grabbing your backpack that you threw on the ground when you walked in. She rustles through it while you and the boys look at one another. After a few seconds, El grabs one of your comic books and places it on the table. She looks at you and tilts her head, indicating for you to sit down next to her; you do as you’re told.

El straightens out your comic and then closes her eyes, going completely still. The air around you shifts and you can practically feel the static electricity encasing you; the hair on your arms stand up. The pages of the comic begin to flick up, fluttering as if someone is thumbing through them in rapid succession. You watch as the Spidey panels flash before your eyes, the pages flying faster and faster until it becomes almost frightening to be near. Then, once it gets to its last page, the comic flies up into the air and hovers for a few seconds, right in front of your face. 

“Holy shit,” you breathe out, your eyes wide. 

Just as quickly as it began, the comic drops back onto the table. You look up at El and see that her nose is now bleeding, which rips you back to reality. The chair scrapes against the ground as you get up to help her, dabbing at the blood with a tissue that had been laying on the table. 

“Do you believe us now?” Mike asks, a smug look on his face. 

You gently wipe away the remaining blood from El’s face, looking her in the eye and directing your words to her. “I’m listening, sweetheart. What can you do to help us find Will?” 

El smiles, pleased to have earned your trust, and you get the feeling that this little girl is the most powerful thing in all of Hawkins, maybe even the world. At her request, Mike places his DnD board on the table and arranges the pieces for El to use. She sits down and closes her eyes once more.

Lucas gives you a doubtful look. “What’s the weirdo doing?”

You flick his head, not enjoying the name calling. Honestly, you thought you raised these boys better than that. 

El seems to accomplish whatever she was doing and picks up the wizard piece, murmuring, “Will.” 

You feel your heart stop. Will always insisted on being the wizard whenever they played the game. He was Will the Wise, forever and always. El couldn’t have simply guessed that, and you know it’s her-

“Superpowers,” Dustin finishes your thought for you. The two of you exchange a glance and you notice the slight glee in his eyes. Under different circumstances, you’d also find this all pretty cool. 

Mike sits next to El and begins to ask some questions about where she last saw Will. She gives him a look that you can’t quite decipher before swiping her arm across the table and spilling the pieces onto the floor. She then flips the board over, having it now face upside down, and places Will’s piece back down. 

You knit your brows together, trying to follow along. El’s movements are methodical and carefully planned, being unable to find the right words due to her poor speech, and you try to piece together the information you’ve been given. 

“I don’t understand,” Mike says, being extra gentle with El. You’ve never seen him so soft spoken before and you’re grateful at least one of the boys doesn’t view her as some monster. Which reminds you that you need to have a conversation with Dustin about respecting women, but for now you’ll hold off.

“Hiding.” says El. 

He’s good at hiding, Jonathan’s words echo in your head. 

“Will is hiding?” 

El nods, now looking more nervous. You can tell that Mike is getting closer to information that she doesn’t want him near, which finally causes you to ask the question that’s been heavily on your mind. “From the bad men?”

Now El gives a slight shake of the head, and Mike presses on. “Then from who?”

Without saying anything, El places a second piece onto the board right in front of Will’s. It’s a piece you’re unfamiliar with, with two snake-like heads that loom over the small wizard piece. Whatever it is, you know it isn’t good judging the way Mike, Dustin, and Lucas look at each other in fear.

You turn to Dustin and whisper, “What’s that piece?”

Your brother puts his hands behind his head and sighs deeply, a new resigned look on his face. He looks as if he’s just aged thirty years, which you find a bit dramatic. “It’s the Demogorgon.”

“The Demo-what?” The name sounds familiar, but you can’t remember anything about it.

Mike looks at you and for once his voice holds no annoyance when he says, “There’s a lot we still have to catch you up on.”

– 

Your head is spinning as you bike to Jonathan’s with all the new information you’ve just received. Demogorgons, magical vortexes, kids with damn superpowers. It’s all a lot for you to take in, and while you fully believe that El is something entirely different from a normal little girl, how can you be sure that it’s connected to Will? While his disappearance still confuses you, it’s illogical to jump to supernatural conclusions. 

Dustin had begged you to let him spend the night at Mikes in order to keep talking to El, and you only agreed because you figured you’d be at Jonathan’s again tonight anyways. He’s been MIA all day and you’re worried as usual, but you made him and Mike swear to you that they’d stay put in the house. At least this way they’re in one place, so if they screw around they’ll be easier to find. 

When you arrive at the Byers home you notice that Jonathan’s car isn’t in the driveway, which only confuses you further. Where the hell is he? You gave him all day to deal with Lonnie and cool off, trusting that he wouldn’t do anything stupid for twelve hours, and yet… 

You fear he’s done something stupid. 

You don’t have time to think too much about Jonathan’s absence because a frantic Joyce runs out the door screaming. She runs straight past you and into her car, and the house begins to light up like a christmas tree. You can hear The Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go, a song that Will once had on repeat for three weeks straight, and you can feel the same static electricity in the air that you felt when El used her powers in front of you. 

Joyce suddenly gets out of the car and spots you, pointing towards her house. “You see that too?”

You swallow. “Yeah,”

She nods, as if your confirmation is all she needs to determine her sanity, and then marches inside. You stand in the yard, motionless. You’re terrified, and after learning about El tonight, you don’t have it in you to discover any other supernatural beings in Hawkins at the moment. Sighing, you follow after the woman because Jonathan isn’t home and someone needs to talk her down from whatever panic attack the flashing lights have inevitably caused. 

“Mrs. Byers-” 

“Y/N, you can’t tell me there isn’t something,” Joyce waves her hands in front of her face, almost grasping at the air, “weird about all of this. That was Will’s song, the lights were flashing in Will’s room, something came out of Will’s wall-”

“Something came out of his wall?”

“Yes! I’m not… I promise I’m not crazy, okay? You saw it, please tell me you saw it.”

You bite your lip, now thinking about El. You swore to Mike you wouldn’t tell anyone about her, and honestly you’re not sure that you should tell Joyce about her right now. You’re still unsure if El is being honest with you, and you can’t just give the woman false hope for her son. It’d kill you if you were wrong about El. But seeing the lights, hearing the music, the thing in the wall… There’s something that she’s not telling you. 

“Mrs. Byers… I’m not quite sure what I saw, but we just had a bad storm and it could be faulty wiring.” 

Joyce slumps her shoulders, frustrated that you aren’t conspiring with her. You just… you can’t. Not yet. Not before you figure out what the hell El is doing in Hawkins. You refuse to worsen Joyce’s already chronic anxiety and paranoia; Jonathan would never forgive you if you fed into her delusions, but it kills you to lie to her. 

“Look, I do think that something is weird about this entire situation, “ Joyce’s face lights up, but you’re quick to add, “however, there’s no proof. You, I mean-Mrs. Byers, you’ve seen things in the past. You’re stressed, and anxious, and all the other synonyms.” 

The woman lets a few tears drop from her eyes, now embarrassed. “Maybe you’re right. I-I’m sorry, honey. I just-”

You grab her hand. “I know,”

Her smile is brittle, a ghost of the once beautiful smile she’d give you, and your heart breaks for her. 

After your conversation, Joyce excuses herself to her room. She looks even more exhausted than before, so you leave her alone and hole yourself up in Jonthan’s room. 

You glance at your watch and note the late hour; you’re starting to worry now. Jonathan didn’t mention anything besides Lonnie and the posters, so you don’t know what else he could be doing so late. He wouldn’t go searching for Will without you. 

You wake up to Jonathan returning an hour or so later, apparently having fallen asleep while waiting for him. 

“Y/N?” His voice is gruff and surprised. 

You groan and rub your eyes. “Turn the light off, bee.”

He doesn’t. “What are you doing here?”

The tone of his voice wakes you up a bit, making you sit up and look at him more clearly. His shoulders are tense, his eyes are hiding something, and his overall demeanor is hard to read. “I had something to tell you, but is everything okay?”

“You couldn't have waited until tomorrow? Y/N, this is my house, just… just get out.”

“I’m sorry?” You’re confused by his behavior, now starting to become a bit defensive and hurt by his dismissal. 

“You can’t just let yourself in whenever you please.” Jonathan puts his camera on his desk, still refusing to meet your eyes.

“Jonathan, we literally have always let ourselves into each other’s houses whenever we please.” 

He rolls his eyes at you and rips off his jacket, throwing it at you. “Get out!”

You catch the jacket before it hits you in the face. “What the hell, Jonathan!” 

“Listen, I get that you think you’re a part of the family, but you’re not. You’ve been here for days now, it’s getting old.” 

His words cut through you and leave vicious wounds against your skin. He doesn’t mean that, he can’t mean that. You and him were family. He’s never, ever insinuated anything less. He wouldn’t dare. Your Jonathan would never act like this to you, and the only time he’s ever been this cruel to you was when he accidentally dropped Lonnie’s last beer in the fridge and was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help; he’d shown up with bruises later that night.

Then it hits you. He did something, something that makes him feel guilty; he keeps glancing at his camera. You soften your voice, “Bee, what did you do?”

He whips around, now yelling. “Nothing! Just get the hell out of my house! It’s getting pathetic!” 

You swallow back the angry tears that build in your throat. Fine. Whatever. Let him be a raging bitch after everything you’ve done for him these last few days. 

“Fine, I will.” Grabbing your backpack you snatch the assignments you were supposed to give Jonathan and slam them against his chest. “Here’s all your fucking assignments, by the way.” 

He seems to come back to himself, blinking away the anger and shame. “Bug…”

“You don’t get to call me that.” And with that, you don’t spare Jonathan another glance. 

– 

When you get home, the house is eerily quiet. Dustin is at Mike’s and your mom leaves you a note saying that she’s spending the night at your aunt’s. Great. Looks like it’s just you and Mews tonight then. 

After everything that’s happened tonight, you never found time to eat dinner, and your stomach is loudly growling. You drop your stuff in your room and then reheat some leftovers, feeling like a pathetic child. You know that Jonathan didn’t mean what he said, but the words had come too easily to him to have just been a way to dodge his guilt. There had been some truth to them. Maybe you were pathetic for always fretting over him.

Dinner is quiet tonight. 

You wait for the phone to ring, for Jonathan to call you and apologize, but the call never comes. 

You’ve never felt so alone before.

-

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[narcjsistx]

Hello ! Say, my country's national celebration was yesterday and I got to see fireworks again. It had been SOOO long since I hadn't seen some that I forgot just how much I loved it, how much it made me return to the childlike wonder of "THERE'S SO MANY COLORFUL SPARKLES IN THE SKY !! oOo"

I know from friends of mine that it shows on my face how much I love it when I watch them, completely taken in it and looking up and smiling like a little girl sooooo... It got me thinking, how would some of our TR boy be like when going to see fireworks with you, and most especially what do they think when they look at you watching the fireworks ?

Any of our boys will do, whichever one inspires you, but I just really want to know how Rindou will be about this ! (ma bb (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠))

🎆🎆🎆

Thank you if you decide to answer this ! Don't forget to drink water and take care of yourself !

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Thanks for the idea! I really like fireworks but I don't have much chance of seeing them, where I live it's quite rare... but maybe I'll see them there at the end of the summer :) I HOPE

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— Rindou Haitani watching the fireworks with you HCS ᡣ𐭩

I see Rindou as someone who, as a child, was extremely afraid of fireworks, perhaps because of the noise or because he simply didn't like the feeling of being "in danger" if the fireworks malfunctioned. As he grew up, the fear disappeared because he realized it was stupid, but when he happens to witness a fireworks display he thinks of him as a child

His idea of ​​a date wasn't exactly to watch fireworks with you, but as long as you're happy... . He would simply have preferred to spend the evening somewhere else, like at home or locked inside an arcade, but evidently your next date will be like this and not this one

You could walk through the illuminated streets, the shop windows reflect your passage. Suddenly, a burst of color surprises you both, and you stop in the middle of the street, surrounded by other people looking up. Seeing you unable to hold back an exclamation of joy, he makes fun of you a little but in a sweet way

He knew he had made the right decision when he saw you so happy at the first firework. He's not a big fan and doesn't understand your hype, but the feeling of seeing you so happy for him is priceless

Maybe he would laugh softly, finding it sweet how you are mesmerized by simple fireworks. At that moment, he may come closer and hold you close, amazed at the power of small things to make you so happy

For a second the idea crossed his mind to take some fireworks himself and set them off in his garden to surprise you

I imagine a possible chat with Ran like this: "Ran" "What is it Rin?" “I need some fireworks by next week” “Rindou, I don't think they're legal to have for fun” “Are you seriously having legal issues considering what we do? Damn Ran, we rule Roppongi” “You're right. On Amazon they're €20 a pack"

When you find out about the surprise a week later, it's not exactly pleasant. You found the two brothers in their garden completely black with soot, with about thirty broken fireworks on the grass in their garden. Rindou was completely embarrassed, Ran was simply amused by your shocked reaction (I don't know why but this reminds me of an episode of Gumball...)

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

This week’s episode marks the 100th episode for 9-1-1 and it is a total banger! I figured nothing could get better than Bobby and Athena trapped inside an upside-down cruise ship, but this week’s episode walked up to the bar and said, “hold my beer”. If you’re reading this, you know exactly why this episode is truly *that girl* and I promise you we’re gonna talk about those last 4 minutes and 23 seconds that had us collectively clutching our pearls, pillows, and pets and left us with nary a hair on our scalps. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover so let’s not waste another second. This reaction is for the season 7, fourth episode “Buck, Bothered and Bewildered” which originally aired April 4, 2024. The episode was written by Andrew Meyers and Bradley Michael Marques and directed by actor turned directed Chad Lowe. Spoilers ahead!

“She has anthrax! Or glitter.” – Bachelor Producer, to everyone

We start things off at the Bachelor mansion where we see real-life runner up of season 20 of The Bachelorette and star of season 28 of The Bachelor, Joey Graziadei. I have never seen an episode of The Bachelor, but I have watched the first two seasons of VH1’s Flavor of Love so I’m quite familiar with the concept of a bunch of women competing for the affections of one man. The opening to this episode does a great job of parodying the hit ABC dating and relationship reality television series while also being respectful. After all, the show and it’s many spin-offs are beloved by many, including 9-1-1 viewers. 

We see a handful of hopeful contestants pull up to the mansion in limos, each of them providing a cheesy introduction very reminiscent of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Real Housewives. I love that two of the contestants are named Ashley because of course there would be two Ashleys cast in the same season of a show like this. My favorite contestant, however, is Ashley A., a flight attendant who looks like she just stepped out of the one-season wonder Pan Am starring Christina Ricci, a pre-Barbie Margot Robbie, and Mike Vogel. Now that I think about it, wasn’t Pam Am an ABC show?

The last contestant arrives with a bottle of glue and introduces herself as Conchata. Joey is all of us and asks her about her name because for those of you who haven’t seen the episode, this woman is the whitest shade of pale and is the last person I expect to have the name Conchata. The producers (played by Jamie Denbo and Rique) scramble behind the scenes trying to find out who this woman is because she is definitely not Conchata. The contestant comes clean about who she really is and introduces herself (again) as Bailey, an aesthetician from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. She takes the bottle of glue and pours it all over the cobblestone driveway. She then lies flat on the driveway in attempt to glue herself to the surface. Our two producers attempt to remove her, but her skin has adhered to whatever glue she poured on the ground. 

Cue title card.

“I love dalmatians.” – Ashley C., Bachelor contestant, to Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz

Our favorite 911 dispatch, Maddie, gets a call from the season 5 bachelor and host of The Bachelor, Jesse Palmer. We learn Maddie and Josh (played by Bryan Safi) are uber fans of the show and I cracked up when Josh commandeered the phone call and started grilling Jesse about the new bachelor. Maddie deploys the 118 to the Bachelor mansion and it’s heavily insinuated the location of this particular emergency is outside of the area the department usually responds to. Way to keep it professional, you guys!

The 118 arrive on the scene and Chimney and Hen attend to Bailey (played by Sarah Fletcher). Chimney sees Joey and he is awestruck. I can totally see he and Maddie piling up on the living room sofa after they’ve put Jee-Yun to bed to watch The Bachelor. There’s a funny moment where the other contestants flirt heavily with Eddie and Buck. Eddie tells them he’s taken but points to Buck and says that he is single. Buck tells them he has a rule about not dating people he meets on calls which is hilarious considering he nearly got fired in the first episode of the series for taking one of the firetrucks to a booty call with a woman he saved. 

Eddie and Buck breakout the jackhammer to cut away the piece of driveway Bailey is stuck to so she can be transported to the nearest hospital. Meanwhile, Chimney answers a FaceTime call from Maddie and Josh who want to know the identity of the latest bachelor. Chimney flips the camera around and tries to be sneaky about filming Joey, but he gets caught. He ducks behind the limo Bailey pulled up in and sees another woman passed out in the backseat. We learn this is the real Conchata and she has been chloroformed by Bailey. Speaking of Bailey, as she is loaded into the ambulance, she yells for Joey to visit her in prison. Yeah, I don’t think Joey Graziadei is going to be visiting you, Bailey.

“That night was the most fun I’ve had since getting struck by lightning.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

We next head over to Air Operations One which I’ve learned is a part of the Los Angeles Fire Department. Tommy Kinard (played by Lou Ferrigno Jr.), our former 118 firefighter turned helicopter pilot, is giving Buck a tour of the unit. I got so excited seeing these two share a scene together because it’s no secret that Buck is my favorite character on the show, and I really like how they’re brought Tommy back into the show this season. Buck is in awe of everything Tommy’s telling him, but the latter believes he has ulterior motives for being there. He asks if Buck is thinking about changing career paths. Buck tells him that he really got a thrill flying in the middle of a hurricane to save Bobby and Athena. It’s the most fun he’s had since getting struck by lightning. 

Buck asks Tommy what got him into flying. Tommy tells him that he used to be a pilot in the Army. Buck lights up and tells Tommy that Eddie was in the Army, too. Tommy already knows this. Buck then tells Tommy that he met his ex (Taylor) responding to a helicopter crash and then realizes in that moment that maybe that was a sign of things to come. Tommy agrees that saving someone’s life and dating them never turns out the way you want it to. Upon second (and third) viewing of this episode, I find it interesting how the both of them are ambiguous about the genders of the people they are speaking about. Buck could’ve mentioned Taylor by name, but he chose to just say ex instead. Now back to the topic at hand, Buck says he isn’t sure if he’d want to leave where he is now to pursue being a pilot and Tommy assures him he can do both which seems to be the thesis of this episode. Tommy offers to teach Buck how to fly for fun. Buck offers to buy him a beer and Tommy says he’d love that. Again, how did I not pick up on the subtle flirtation the first time I saw this episode. These two’s chemistry is off the charts. 

However, our little meet cute is cut short when Eddie arrives. Eddie is surprised to see Buck there and asks Tommy if he got three tickets to the fight. Tommy says ‘no’ but he wishes he did. Here’s another thing I really liked about this scene. I’m sure, by now, Tommy knows that Buck goes by Buck but each time he addresses Buck he calls him ‘Evan’. I’ve always equated the characters on this show who refer to him as ‘Evan’ as having more of an intimate connection with him, i.e., Maddie his sister or Eddie his best friend. Anywho, Buck is surprised to learn that Tommy and Eddie have tickets to a big fight in Vegas and they’re taking one of the helicopters there. Now I have a question. If Buck wasn’t allowed to drive the firetruck to his hookups back in season one, how is Tommy flying to Vegas with Eddie in one of the LAFD choppers okay? Also, I didn’t know helicopters could fly that great of a distance. Anyway, Tommy and Eddie leave to board the helicopter and our poor Buck is left behind feeling both a little confused and a lot jealous.

“It is so good to have you back.” – Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

Speaking of surprises, Athena does not sleep with her hair wrapped. No shade, but no Black woman I know is going to lay her head down at night without doing something to protect her hair. Okay, I’m gonna leave Athena alone because she is thrilled to have her son back home. Yes, you read that right. Harry Grant is back home but he looks a bit different. The character is now aged up played by a new actor – Elijah M. Cooper. Now, in case you forgot, Harry went to live with his dad in Florida back in season five and we really haven’t seen him since then. When Athena says she can’t believe Michael didn’t say anything about Harry coming to visit. Harry tells her his dad has been really busy and had to fly back to Haiti. Bobby is immediately suspicious of this because he figures that Michael would’ve called about something like this. Athena doesn’t seem to concerned about any of this and is basically just happy to have her youngest back under her roof. 

“I saved a baby in a pipe once although it was a preemie and it didn’t speak.” – Evan Buckley, to everyone

Meanwhile, Buck, Eddie, and Ravi (played by Anirudh Pisharody) respond to an emergency at a restaurant where the dishwasher (played by Jibre Hordges) claims he hears a voice coming from inside the sink. Ravi doesn’t think it’s possible that someone could be trapped inside a drain but Buck reminds him of the time he pulled a newborn out of a sewer pipe. The firefighters do finally hear someone yelling for help and the restaurant manager (played by Cesili Williams) shows them footage of a motorcyclist being struck by a car and knocked into a storm drain. 

Buck, Eddie, and Ravi head outside and Ravi, being the newest member of the 118, is lowered down into a manhole to extract the poor guy. During this time, Buck grills Eddie about his outing with Tommy. He learns that in addition to going to Vegas, Tommy is also teaching Eddie the Muay Thai style of boxing and they’ve even worked on Eddie’s Chevelle together. Buck does his best to hide his jealously, but he can’t help pressing his best friend for more details. He asks Eddie when he plans on seeing Tommy again. Eddie tells him that Tommy has this karaoke/trivia thing he does on Wednesdays and asks Buck what his plans are for that day. Buck perks up and says his schedule is wide open. Eddie asks if he would watch Christopher for him. He would ask Marisol, but she’s already watched Christopher twice already. Yikes! So, a lot to unpack here. First, is Eddie using his girlfriend as childcare? Second, does this mean Buck’s level of importance to Eddie has decreased now that Tommy and Marisol are in the picture. Lastly, is Eddie really that oblivious? I get wanting to have a new friend, especially one who you have a lot in common with, but he knows Buck, or rather he should know Buck, and him saying these things, even though Buck technically asked him for this information, is hurtful for Buck to here. This, I’ve noticed, is a continuing trend of certain characters getting upset whenever Buck does something wrong, but having little to no regard when it comes to his feelings. This isn’t the first time Eddie has done something like this and I have to believe that he really is oblivious because the alternative means that he’s doing these things because he’s trying to get his friend all riled up. Of course, Buck agrees to watch Christopher because of course he’s going to watch Christopher. 

“Is it circled with a heart around it?” – Maddie Buckley, to Evan Buckley. 

A few days later, Buck updates Maddie on Eddie’s new friendship with Tommy. Buck is so jealous of the new friendship that he’s gathering intel from Christopher. Although Buck is being a little bit extra about all of this, a part of me can relate to the emotions he’s feeling. He worries that Tommy has made such an impression on not only Eddie but Christopher in such a short period of time. What I find fascinating is that while Buck is jealous, he harbors no ill-will towards Tommy.  In fact, he agrees with Eddie and Christopher. Tommy is cool. Buck tells his sister that Christopher would not stop talking about Tommy. Maddie wonders if it’s because Buck kept asking him questions about Tommy. Buck mentions that Eddie has a date written down on his calendar and it’s for a weekly pick-up basketball game with Tommy and other first responders. The date is circled. Buck mentions that Eddie has asked him to this before. Maddie reminds Buck that he doesn’t like basketball and he agrees and says that’s why he always tells Eddie ‘no’ but now Eddie is going with Tommy. Chimney hears the tail-end of their conversation and tells Maddie that Tommy flew Eddie to Vegas for a fight in a chopper. Chimney teases Buck by saying that Tommy’s so cool. 

“We have a problem.” – Bobby Nash, to Athena Grant

Back over at the Grant-Nash household, Bobby tells Athena he talked to Michael. Michael is not in Haiti, and he also had no clue Harry had left and come to Los Angeles which means Harry lied to the both of them. Athena wonders why Harry would lie, and Bobby says it’s because the police is looking for him. They showed up to Michael’s house while he was on the phone with Bobby. Bobby tells his wife that Harry got into a fight and assaulted someone. There’s now a warrant out for his arrest due to him fleeing the jurisdiction. Yikes! Poor Athena. You think you know your kids.

“That’s Jeremy. That’s my son, he’s a doctor.” – Dorothy Nelson, to Athena Grant

Maddie receives a call from an older woman named Dorothy Nelson who is reporting an intruder in her home. Maddie instructs her to stay calm and tells her to find a place to hide until the police get there. The woman panics and tells Maddie she has a gun. Maddie tells her that arming herself can only make the situation she’s in more dangerous. Dorothy starts screaming and then we hear a gunshot. 

Athena, Hen, and Chimney arrive on the scene and find a man dead in the Dorothy’s living room. Chimney tends to her and learns she recently sustained a fall in her garden. Athena looks around the room and sees a photo on the mantle above the fireplace. She realizes the man in the photo looks an awful lot like the dead man on the floor. Hen posits Dorothy has face blindness which means she wouldn’t have been able to recognize the guy even if she does know him. This emergency reminds me of a similar one on Lone Star where a kid locked himself in the bathroom because his dad thought he was an intruder.

Athena goes over to Dorothy (played by Meagen Fay) and asks her if she recognizes the man in the photo. She tells Athena that the man in the photo is her son, Jeremy, and he’s a doctor. So, this lady has killed her own son, and the sad part is, she still thinks that it’s an intruder she shot. This is beyond sad, and I felt so bad for her. I also feel bad for Athena who will have to be the one to tell her the truth. Hen asks her if she can imagine looking into her own child’s face and not even recognizing him. Athena says yes she can.

“That’s how they wake you up in jail for sleeping in. Except the water won’t be clean and it probably won’t be water.” Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

Athena returns home and confronts her son. I did not like the way Harry was talking to his mom and I was wondering why Athena didn’t slap him across his lips. Then I realized, she already did this back in season 5 when Harry started mouthing off at her. Athena is extremely patient in this scene while Harry tells her about the incident involving him assaulting a man. The man, in question, is the manager of a convenience store. Apparently this man was following Harry around while he was inside the convenience store and accused Harry of stealing. The man wouldn’t let Harry leave and got aggressive with him which is why Harry hit him. Harry is upset because he believes she is taking law enforcement’s side over his much like he thinks she did when his father was pulled over several seasons ago. Athena reminds him she is a cop, and he counters by reminding her that he is still his mom. He asks her which one is more important to her but says he already knows the answer to that question. 

“Hey, what are you doing on Thursday?” – Evan Buckley, to Howard "Chimney" Han

Over at the 118, Buck is trying his best to get Eddie’s attention, but the latter is too wrapped up in his phone call with Tommy. Buck tries to impress by bench-pressing a lot of weight but he’s clearly struggling with isn’t too believable for me because have you seen Buck? The guy is a tank! Ravi asks him if he needs help and Buck declines. I wish Buck wasn’t so short-sighted because as much as he wants Eddie and Tommy to notice him, I think Ravi wants Buck to notice him. For him, I think, Buck is the cool one. Chimney brings Buck a package addressed to an M. Buckley which I found funny because either Buck doesn’t have his own Amazon Prime account or maybe he shares one with Eddie and didn’t want his friend knowing what he’s ordering. Turns out, the item Buck has ordered is a new basketball. When Buck sees Eddie again, he suggests that they can get a basketball hoop. Eddie barely acknowledges this before returning to his conversation. Yeah, I’m beginning to think Eddie is doing this on purpose. 

“He was shot when he was mistaken as an intruder.” – Athena Grant, to Dorothy Nelson

Athena puts her cutest outfit and goes to see Dorothy Nelson at the hospital. She rips off the Band-Aid and tells Dorothy her son is dead. When Dorothy asks what happens, Athena tells her that he was killed because he was mistaken as an intruder. I like how Athena delivered this news because it wasn’t accusatory. She lets Dorothy figure out the rest and the moment it dawns on her that she is the one who killed Jeremy she is rightfully devastated. Kudos to the actress playing Dorothy Nelson because she really sold this scene for me. This is the most devasting thing I’ve seen on this show since the story back in season 5 where two best friends were struck during the middle of a parade and one of them died. The scene ends and I’m left wondering what will become of this woman. I can’t imagine the pain she’ll have to live with knowing she killed her son. 

“So, I’m your basketball beard. I feel so bonded.” – Howard “Chimney” Han, to Evan Buckley

Buck convinces Chimney to go with him to the pick-up basketball game. Buck pretends to be surprised to see Eddie and Tommy there. Eddie asks Chimney how he managed to talk Buck into playing basketball because every time he asks him, he says ‘no’. Chimney decides to play coy and tells Eddie he has his ways. I love seeing Chimney being supportive of Buck because very soon they are going to be brothers-in-law. The two square off against Eddie and Tommy and the latter are dominating. Buck lets his jealousy get the better of him and trips Eddie up right as he’s about to make a lay-up. We hear something pop as Eddie falls to the ground. Chimney goes into paramedic mode and assesses Eddie’s injury. He thinks Eddie may have a fracture or sprain. Tommy says that Eddie rode with him, so he’ll be the one to take him to urgent care. Eddie gives Buck a hurt look and Buck immediately feels horrible. Tommy lifts Eddie up and takes him away. Chimney looks at Buck and says, “Well you bucked that up, didn’t you?” Geez, I really feel bad for Buck. He is spiraling!

“It seems unjust, but in reality that’s just the way it is.” – Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

With a cooler head, Athena decides to talk to her son. He apologizes for how he spoke to her. He tells her he is not sorry for hitting the convenience store manager. Athena reminds him that he is not only representing himself and their family, but also his community, which means he can’t go around punching people. He tells her that’s a lot of pressure, but she says that’s the reality of the world they live in. She tells him has to be smarter and he asks her if that means he’s not allowed to be angry. Athena tells him it’s okay to be angry because at the end of the day, he’s a human and that’s what humans do – they get angry when they are upset. However, she reminds him that things could have been worst for him. What if the convenience store manager had a gun? Harry asks her what would have been the right thing for him to do in the situation and I like that Athena admits she doesn’t know. At the end of the day, you have to do whatever you have to do to make it home alive. That’s sentiment is so sad to me but as a Black man living in America, in the South to be specific, I totally get it. It’s not fair but it is what it is. 

Athena shows him the footage of what happened at the convenience store. Harry watches as the manager confronts him and even gets aggressive. He also sees himself punch the man. It’s sobering for him to see this video. He says it’s like watching someone else. Athena tells him that everyone has something they’ve done that they aren’t proud of (you hear that Buck?) but the true test of character is being able to face the consequences of one’s actions. Harry tells her he doesn’t know what to do and she tells him they’ll figure it out together. Whatever happens, she will be right there with him because he is her son, and she loves him no matter what.

“I’m not a fourteen-year-old girl.” – Evan Buckley, to Maddie Buckley. 

Buck brings Maddie lunch at the dispatch center and catches her up on what happened with Eddie.  She asks Buck how Eddie is feeling, and he tells her he doesn’t know because he hasn’t talked to him. Maddie is surprised to hear this considering Buck and Eddie are so close. Buck tells her he doesn’t think Eddie wants to hear from him since he’s the one who hurt him. Maddie says it’s an accident, but Buck tells her he was pissed about Eddie and Tommy hanging out so much that he allowed his jealousy to get the better of him. He’s the reason why Eddie got injured. Buck says he was only trying to get his attention. Maddie tells him that is not the way to get someone’s attention. When I first watched this scene, I thought Maddie was going a little overboard with her disapproval of what Buck did. Then I realized, violence is how her husband Doug would get her attention back when they were married. Buck tells her he feels awful for what he did to Eddie, and she tells him not to do it again. 

She admits she knows how he feels because she had a similar situation with her best friend growing up. Her friend became friends with another girl and Maddie did everything she could, including dyeing her hair blonde and attempting to change her name, to get her friend to notice her. It never occurred to her that she could have still been friends with her friend even if her friend was friends with someone else. Maybe they could have all been friends. But Maddie was too jealous to realize this. The situation made her look desperate, and she would’ve been better off just explaining to her friend how she felt. 

“It’s good to see you Harry.” – Captain Elaine Maynard, to Harry Grant

Athena accompanies Harry to the police station, and they are met by Captain Elaine Maynard (played by Claudia Christian). The captain tells Athena and Harry she spoke with the Miami Dade Police Department, and they have no interest in extraditing for a misdemeanor assault. However, both jurisdictions recommended Harry remain in Los Angeles with Athena and complete 100 hours of community service. Harry is surprised he isn’t going to jail but Athena makes it known that him being under her watchful eye will be worse. 

“It’s not like I could ever replace you.” – Tommy Kinard, to Evan Buckley

Now, we’ve finally made it to my favorite scene of the episode. We head over to Buck’s loft. There’s a knock at the door and when he goes to check, he finds Tommy on his doorstep. Tommy asks if they can talk, and Buck invites himself inside. I love the subtle detail of Tommy being in awe of Buck’s loft. Buck offers him a drink and reminds him that he owes him a beer. Tommy declines and says he won’t be staying long. He tells Buck he wants to clear the air between the two of them and he didn’t want to do so over the phone or through a text message. Tommy calls him Evan and says it was never his intention to cause any bad blood between him and Eddie. Buck assures him there’s no bad blood and owns up to his bad behavior. He tells him that he and Eddie make perfect sense as friends. Tommy agrees and reminds Buck that Eddie can have more than one friend. 

Tommy says that he would never be able to replace him. He says that Christopher cannot shut up about Buck. I love the smile on Buck’s face when Tommy says this because it’s a reminder that Buck, seven seasons later, still craves the approval and the acceptance of those around him. Even Christopher. Buck asks Tommy if Eddie is mad at him. Tommy tells him Eddie is not mad at him. If anything, he feels bad (they both do) for excluding Buck. He tells Buck that he and Eddie hanging out was never about Buck, but Buck says that’s the problem. He admits he can get pretty jealous. I’m so proud of Buck for just owning everything in this scene. Lisa Rinna would be proud. 

Tommy admits that Buck isn’t the only one who’s been jealous. Buck is surprised to hear this. Tommy explains that he’s jealous of what’s become of the 118. When we were first introduced to Tommy, it was back during the ‘Begin’ episodes for Hen, Chimney, and Bobby. The 118 didn’t use to be the family it is now. In fact, the previous captain went out of his way to cultivate a highly toxic environment and it’s because of Chimney, Hen, and Bobby that the team is what it is today. It’s the reason why Buck and Eddie and Ravi were able to be accepted right away without having to be hazed by the other firefighters. Tommy admits he wishes he were a part of what the 118 has become and Buck reminds him that he is. He reminds Tommy of how he made fake mouth static at the fire chief during their daring mission to save Bobby and Athena. Tommy says he’s renowned for his fake mouth static, but Buck says it wasn’t very convincing. The banter between these two men is so cute I could actually explode. Buck tempers his teasing by reminding Tommy that he was willing to put his job on the line to help the rest of them out. That was the moment Buck realized that Tommy was cool and that he liked him. He tells Tommy that’s the reason he called him for the tour. It’s not because he’s thinking about leaving the 118; it’s because he wanted to get to know him. It’s Tommy’s turn to be surprised. Buck says things took a turn when Eddie arrive, but he understands why Tommy wants to hang with Eddie. It was so cute the way Buck gushes about how great Eddie is that he’s known Eddie is great since the first day he worked with him. Aww! At this point, I’m literally yelling at my TV.

“That was better than fake mouth static.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

The flirting is turned up to level 100 when Buck tells Tommy it’s his attention he’s been trying to get and frankly he’s exhausted. Again, Tommy is surprised to hear this. Buck reminds him that he maimed his best friend, and that Maddie told him there are better ways to get someone’s attention. Before Buck can even finish the statement, Tommy leans in and kisses him. There’s a brief hesitation in Buck, most likely because he is shocked, the Buck starts to kiss him back. This moment was beyond shocking to me and even now, three days later, I still have to watch the clip to remind myself that Tommy kissed Buck and Buck definitely kissed him back. I spent years thinking something like this would never happen and I’ve gone back and forth with Buddie shippers online telling them that Buck or Eddie coming out as anything other than straight was an impossibility. Yeah, maybe that was the case when 9-1-1 was on FOX but this is a new network baby and ABC said, let them boys kiss! And yes, it’s not Eddie and Buck that are kissing but in my opinion, this is an even better direction for the characters to go in. I’ve always believed that if either character were to come out as queer, it would be Buck. We’ve only seen Buck in relationships with women, but he’s always struck me as someone who is open to whatever experiences come his way. Perhaps this explains why he's always had difficulty in the relationships he’s pursued on the show. Eddie, on the other hand, is a lot more reserved than Buck and the writers are going to have to put in work to convince me he is anything other than a heterosexual man. I’m not saying it’s out the realm of possibility, but I think the writers did a good job getting us where we are now, and they’ll need to do the same for Eddie in the future should that be the direction they want to go in for that character. Also. bringing Tommy into the equation is a brilliant move on their part because rewatching those ‘Begin’ episodes, there are insinuations there that he may be gay or bisexual. 

Okay, back to the scene. The way Tommy is looking at Buck gives me all the feels. The way he’s looking at Buck tells me that if he didn’t have to leave for his shift, they would be going at it on Buck’s new sofa. I’m so happy this isn’t just a one-sided interest. After the kiss, Tommy asks Buck if he’s okay with the moment they just shared. Buck is looking every bit of the bewildered that’s a part of the title of this episode. He tells Tommy that the kiss was better than his fake mouth static. Tommy tells him he has a shift, but he wants to take Buck out on a proper date. Buck tells him he’s free and man is that statement layered. Free to go out. Free to be who he wants to be. Free to kiss anyone he wants to kiss. Tommy tells Buck he will come around on Saturday at eight to pick him up. Tommy goes to leave but before opens the door, he tells Buck to call Eddie. We end the scene with Buck looking the happiest he’s looked in a long time. 

This episode is hands down one of the best of the series and that’s just not recency bias. I feel that way about all the episodes we’ve gotten this season. 9-1-1 is firing on all cylinders at this point and things feel fresh and new again. The plot with Athena and Harry was perplexing at first but then I grew to like it by the end. I like that the show reminds us that Athena being a Black woman and a cop is controversial, especially in today’s climate, and I like that her kids aren’t afraid to call her out. I love seeing Athena reckon with both identities and how they relate to each other. I especially loved her conversation with Harry because it’s very reminiscent of conversations I’ve had with my own mom. Her telling Harry that it’s unfair that he has to always be on his best behavior but necessary rang so true to me. Athena has always known this, even before she had kids, yet she chooses to continue to work within a system that reinforces this kind of thinking. 

The storyline with Buck was also fun. It was a nice balance to the sadness of the story with the woman killing her son on accident. I like how Buck is never afraid to be vulnerable, even if it’s to his detriment. I hope we get a conversation between him and Eddie next episode because I love their friendship and I don’t want it to ever change, and something tells me Buck is going to lean heavy on his friendship with Eddie now that he might be dating Tommy. And I hope that Eddie continues to be supportive of his friend when he finds out the truth about his sexuality. I don’t think Eddie would have a problem with it. After all, Hen is an out and proud lesbian, and we also have Josh who is gay. I do know that some people do question the legitimacy of bisexual people but again, I don’t think Eddie will have a problem with whatever Buck labels himself as. Maybe we’ll even get a double date between Eddie, Marisol, Buck, and Tommy. That would be fun.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about Buck and Tommy. I think the show did a great job getting us to the moment where they shared a kiss this episode. As I mentioned earlier, I have seen this episode quite a few times and I’ve watched the scenes involving Buck and Tommy more than that. If you watch the scene where Buck is visiting Tommy, there’s so many little looks the two are giving each other. I think at that point that Buck is only infatuated but Tommy is clearly interested. Also, if you go back to the previous episode, at the end once everyone has been rescued, there’s a look Buck gives when he is telling Tommy goodbye. I love things like that and it’s proof to me that this isn’t just gaybaiting or queerbaiting. This is the show telling us that one of their beloved characters is queer and they have taken special care with letting us know that. I love how Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr. are invested in this story. In fact, the cast is supportive of Buck going in this direction. I’m so happy that the fans have this moment. It’s been so fun engaging with people online about this episode and while there are viewers who have and will balk at Buck being a queer character, I say screw those people. If a character’s sexuality can make you that upset, you clearly haven’t been watching the show and you’re not a fan.

Okay, this reaction has gone on way too long. I’ll say it one last time. I’m so happy Buck is bi!!!! I can’t wait to see what happens next! Until next time …

[trekmupf]

"We're all mad here" 🐇👸🔫🐯

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The famous massage intro

Sulu and McCoy taking a lovely little walk together

Sulu is such a botany nerd; I love these small character moments

McCoy thinking he's loosing his last marbles

Spock literally thinking that humans go on shore leave to run up and down meadows like dogs

The way Kirk smiles when he thinks Bones is pranking him is lovely

Kirk's facial journey when he realizes McCoy and Spock played him

The first time Kirk calls McCoy Bones

The way the running is filmed and the way they run – and boy do they run in this episode

Sulu, gun enthusiast

The easy friendship between Kirk and McCoy- the way they joke and laugh with each other is so beautiful

McCoy is so beautiful in this episode, I could screenshot every second. He smiles so much and is so at ease, I mean

Continuing what we know from E3 Kirk wasn't the super cool Bro at the academy but actually the bookworm people bullied

Kirk saying that Ruth hasn't aged a day since they last were together ages ago, and the actress being the same age as Shatner when we see her... canon Kirk being into older woman okay.

McCoy rolled a natural 20 on charisma

me @ yeoman Borrows being super into McCoy's flirting: same girl same

Also I actually like that for once McCoy is the one having a little romance and getting to flirt / be desired, which is rare (because he's older and not the leading man; Tumblr, of course, disagrees)

every time the tiger is on screen I remember that Shatner literally wanted to fight it and it makes me laugh

fake character death trope! (also Bones is a beautiful corpse)

Spock like no offence lady, I'm to gay for this, Spock out

“Did you have fun guys?” “Yes we did Mr Spock” wink emoji implied, like you guys know it sounds like you had group sex right

the setting and scenery is beautiful and a nice change

the score underlines the whimsy and lightness of the episode

the premise is so silly but works well. I miss episodes like this on modern TV, just some downtime with no large scale danger, war or plot, just silly crew shenanigans that gives us more time to spend with our guys

sometimes Sci-fi has great special effects, and sometimes they just hold an antenna really close to the camera and call it a day and I love that

I'm Yeoman Borrows; Look at him being all happy

Con

McCoy's death has no lasting impact on anyone, it's just a short time plot device and then gets shelved for more adventure / silly time; Even though he does come back, I wish it wouldn't have been so trivialized here

weird wind chime sound effects of the planet

Finnegan as a character is super obnoxious and too over the top (which is saying something in the episode with Alice in wonderland)

especially the second confrontation takes ages, especially as we now have more pressing matters in the narrative

treatment of yeoman Borrows (We already know weird things are going on based on what McCoy saw, yet Kirk doesn't believe her and shows zero empathy towards her distress), also her main purpose is damsel in distress

Kirk is a bit slow to unravel the mystery and almost stupid at times? It might be excused by him using the opportunity to let go of his responsibility and being with Angela / letting out his anger with Finnegan

the amount of references and jumping between visions is too jumbled and all over the place, which is why the pacing is off. some bits are so short, they'd better be cut (Rodriguez side adventure) and some just go on (Finnegan)

Counter: Shirt rip Kirk

Quote: "You've got your problems, I've got mine. But he's got ours, plus his, plus 430 other people" - McCoy about Kirk Moment: Opening Scene, where Kirk thinks Spock is massaging him and being super uncomfortable when its a female crew member

Summary: Silly and light episode with no deeper meaning but some great character moments, funny scenes and further development of the interpersonal relationships

In another universe this is a classical painting

Previous Episode - Next Episode - All TOS Reviews

[unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix]

17x06 Reaction/Spoilers Pt. 1 (aka the Jemily Episode of S17/Of All Time)

TW: not much however, there is a blood/gunshot wound warning (around 03:20-03:46) and drug use (edibles in each jemily scene pretty much)

Also if you want my jemily watch thoughts, I bolded them in this post haha (also thanks to @blackbirdsaltzman for our predictions for jemily stuff this ep haha!) I had to split this into two posts bc I have so many thoughts about this ep especially with jemily haha

Tara and Rossi teaming up together again!

Voit's cell

LUKE! MY BOY!

Tara's voice omg 😭

Noooo nooo omg Emily's singing 😭😭

Fuck it's not what we think!!

Voit fuck off!

You let go of her you fucking son of a bitch

Emily's singing is breaking my heart fuck nooooo

I know it's a dream but noooo Emily's pained singing broke me 😭

Why do they have to repeat her singing on the title card?? Damn it CME

Love Paget's voice but fuck

Aww Penelope leaving a bucket for Emily. She was drinking the other night hahaha

I've been wanting to say this since the promos came out but JJ's hair is wavy again, but her sleeves are still long and covering her hands :(

Rossi's seeing a bunch of Voits around the bullpen, including him as the others

Zach Gilford, I hate your character but I love you as an actor

JJ already being worried about Emily and her looking at Penelope

Not Emily's singing again fuck. I swear if her singing this song is foreshadowing the next eps...

JJ following Penelope to her lair. Omg JJ and Penelope's bestieism in this very lair 🥰 I miss them! It's like the early seasons them!

"You profiled that. I did not tell you" but JJ knows Emily inside and out hehe

JJ's little look at Penelope's keys

"Please I'm a mom. I've seen worse" hahahaha

Oh- Tyler's ex huh? Teresa Campos

Garvez!

Hahahaha Tyler calling Luke to talk to his ex

Exes in a room, whatcha gonna do

"She's the woman I dated.... right before you."

The walls shaking in Rossi's office. I'm sorry but the effects is kinda making me laugh

Tara being the second one to call out Rossi on not going to mandated trauma therapy lol

Tara just being there and holding Rossi's hand and talking him through 😭 I liked that moment

Tara's voice is so soothing, hold my hand next please.

Jemily scene #1 wooo!

JJ's cheetos obsession never dies! Also a mutual and I predicted before this ep on something that happens with JJ with these very things... 👀

Damn it. JJ I know you're making Emily comfortable but I needed the lights on!

The sneak peek!

Emily, although high, loves salt and vinegar chips!

Chopsticks is definitely going to be a jemily thing now. I may or may not have a one shot idea about that 👀

"Sooo what have you been drinking?" AJ's giggle is so cute

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, are you high?" "I'm not not high" "Oh my god" god I love them

"I didn't know super-hot Latina was your type. My name is Garcia..." Garcia um... I hate to tell you this...

Teresa's got a thing for army guys oh- is this... Luke's also an army guy

I have a feeling that they might set up Luke and Teresa together to try and stop Garvez from happening I fear 😔

Tommy Yates is all I could think of for Rossi rn

It's risky but I guess it might help Rossi

Tyler did that from last season and it got Penelope somewhat in trouble when her uh... predicament with him happened

"Message in a bottle" title mention!

"Sticky chemistry" omg 😭 Penelope

Teresa and Penelope and Luke and Tyler. Ooooh this should be fun!

Jemily scene #2

"I can feel your disappointed stare on my back" Emily knows her wife so well

JJ eating more... cheetos... omg girly you're gonna get fucked up

"Not disappointed, just... didn't know you smoked" JJ, you already knew Emily had some sort of a past with smoking and yet this surprises you? 😂 But also the way she sounded so amused with a huge smile like ahhhh I love them so much

When you need to focus or contemplate life, you just have a bag of cheese puffs with you, Emily? Like at any time JJ comes over to your place or something, you think she wouldn't try to go for that bag??

"tame the PR beast" liaison JJ hello??

JJ the voice of reason yesss

Not Emily talking about the Catcher in the Rye like she doesn’t know wtf that is omg 😭

"We need to talk"

Oh shit. "Why are the walls closing in?" JJ's realization and Emily's realization 👀

JJ's "Emily?"

That bag was like full earlier. Omg JJ 😭😭

Not Emily taking the last one omg. She said "solidarity" lol

"Those are edibles? 🥺" "You're gonna need to lie down" "Nooo" I just- they're so funny and adorable

JJ's on for a ride (or a trip if you will hehe)

Also I'm taking it that Emily has a bag of edible cheetos and a bag of regular cheetos, and hides the edibles from JJ hahaha

Back to Rossi. And this is the elevator scene from the trailer with the walls closing in on him. Ooooh JJ just said that earlier too

"past paramours" Penelope-

Pheromones? I swear... do not cm

Hahaha that's a long story Teresa

Luke and Tyler oooh 👀

Not to be encouraging ideas... but why do I have a feeling some people might start shipping/making fanfics of Tyler and Luke now? hahaha

Ooh they're bonding over movies now??? I might like this actually

I hate hearing Emily's pained voice :( hasn't she been through enough?? Apparently not in this season or ever

Tommy Yates

"Am I haunting you?" Yes

Subtext ok Elias

So only three people know about Gold Star: Voit, Doug, and possibly Gideon’s ex-wife?

Damn. "We build a profile" Zach Gilford

Sebastian Gasper from 17x03

Jemily scene #3

JJ is soooo out of it omg

Her little dopey (stoned) smile when she hears that Emily's reinstated as unit chief. JJ's still a supportive wife through her high world lol

JJ: "hell yeah let's goo🤘" that was 1000% AJ for sure like girl we know you've been high before irl hahaha

JJ already shaking her head and going "no" when Emily said she’s sending an email to reject the offer back

Gideon, Morgan, and Hotch mention

"the longer you stay in this job, the odds is that you're going to lose yourself or someone you love or your sense of honor. It just takes and takes and takes" Emily :(

Omg BAU-Gate mention!

Oh 😭 JJ's deep-seated fear is exactly what we thought. That Henry or his friends come across the website.

I appreciate the mention and I swear if it wasn't the website, I love AJ's delivery of "yeah I found out" like "yeah duh", that was kinda funny actually

"You know what bugs me the most, is that you- you didn't tell me." JJ wasn't mad at her (or maybe she was but not enough to hate her of course) but she was just more hurt that Emily hid it from her since she found out. JJ just wanted answers!

AJ's little shaking hand when JJ says "you didn't tell me."

"Did you think I couldn't handle it?" I had a feeling JJ would say this when she confronted Emily

"No, I knew you could handle it. That doesn't mean you had to." I know I saw some opinions on how Emily said that, but I don't think she made it about herself tbh. I think given their state of mind rn, Emily was trying to say she thought she could try to protect JJ by doing what she did. Ik there's been discourse on if Emily did the right thing or not and I don't wanna get into that either but I think if they were both sober, then it would've delved into a more emotional conversation about the website and Emily could've explained in full why she chose that decision. That's at least my thoughts on it for now.

"It's not about protecting us. It's about being honest with us. With me." JJ 😭 She was so hurt that Emily had to do that and just wanted her to be honest with her. I might have some thoughts on her saying this

Also the way she says "with me." Ohhh I love them 😭 Also the fact that JJ's more worried about Emily having to lie and hide from her. JJ hates when people lie and hide stuff from her (funny enough when she does the same lol)

[bluehoodiewoozi]

DRABBLE MARATHON #13:

LEE CHAN + Library

Though quiet on most days, the library always came bustling to life sometime in the second half of the semester. Empty desks and beanbags became occupied by students who looked like they hadn’t slept in days – messy hair, bags under their eyes, and wearing hoodies that should’ve found their way into the washing machine ages ago already.

Frankly, you were no exception. Head heavy but heart racing as an after effect of too much caffeine, you too sat in the library with your laptop and a textbook you might as well have picked up for the first time in your life.

You were halfway done with your essay when you heard a familiar theatrical sigh.

When you glanced up, you found yourself smiling at Chan. He, on the other hand, looked almost annoyed to see your smile.

He slumped into the seat across from you, all but throwing his book bag on the floor, before glaring at you. His voice went up a pitch from his usual tone as he imitated you: “‘He won’t ask that on the exam~”’

His voice dropped to its normal range or even lower, “You little liar.”

You stared at him quizzically. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically before resting his cheek on the desk. “I took my biochem exam today.”

“Oh.” You struggled to find the words. “That was today?”

“You literally helped me make a study guide yesterday,” he whined, straightening up again. “Do you have a doppelganger or something? Was it a different (Y/n) in my dorm yesterday, with the highlighters and the kisses for the right answers?”

“No–” You took a moment to think about it, tilting your head. “No, I’m pretty sure that was me.”

He snorted. “I hope your essay’s going better than my exam.”

You could only sigh – it was all he needed to know exactly how it was going. His gaze softened, concern taking over.

“It’s not going, is it?” he gently asked, reaching across the table to hold your hand. “How long have you been writing?”

“I’ve been here since 11,” you responded and ran a hand over your face, resisting the urge to tug on your hair. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

He pouted. “Have you taken any breaks?”

“No time.”

“There’s always time for breaks,” he protested and got up to move his seat next to you instead, his hand never leaving yours. “How about we close your laptop and you lean on my shoulder and you take a quick nap?”

“You think that’ll help?” you wondered, eyes widening as you considered the possibility. He hummed and nodded confidently, already patting his shoulder to invite you to lean against it. Begrudgingly (not really, but you had to justify this procrastination episode somehow), you placed your cheek on his shoulder and closed your eyes. “Promise to wake me up in 15 minutes?”

“20,” he argued.

“15.”

“25.” You leaned your head up to glare at him but he only chuckled. “You look like a panda with those eye bags, sweetheart. Just sleep.”

You bit the inside of your mouth in thought, eyes narrowing before you leaned back into the previous position. “17 minutes.”

“Deal.” He smiled, victorious, and caressed your cheek with the bank of his hand. “Sleep well.”

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP9 (The Tholian Web) like Spiderman

The thoughts I had on this episode are really long so read it below

Get on with it:

- “Starship Defiant” ?!? Like DS9 ?!?

- Ghost ship

- The suits are goofy I’m sorry

- I like their little name tags on the suits tho

- Chekov looks really small in the suit, his hair looks good though

- wow… that’s just a massacre.. that’s really dark for Star Trek

- uh oh warped pov shot

- SULU IN CHARGE OF THE BRIDGE YEAHHH

- Why’re the suits so sparkly

- Kirk staying behind and Spock requesting to stay instead

- “The defiant just vanished.” Spock immediately tries to take control of the transporter while McCoy is shocked for a second and then goes to do the same

- “There’s nothing out there to grab ahold of and bring in. When that ship went it must’ve taken the captain with it.” The look Spock and McCoy share

- GET SPOCK A CHAIR! Whys he always got to bend over to work at his desk. Or get him one of those standing desks, I think he’d either like the concept or find it completely impractical

- Chekov goes feral. So feral he pushes Spock, pushes Sulu in his chair, Scotty tries to restrain him, McCoy and Scotty try to restrain him, and then Spock comes in with the nerve pinch

- I can’t

- Sulu lays Chekov’s head down so gently 🥺

- Noticing McCoy’s pinky ring :)))

- The way that they look at each other. I can’t explain it (edit: I think I was reading too much into it but have the clip anyway)

- “Spock… are you sure that Jim is still alive?” This is so vulnerable for McCoy, he wants to be reassured, because who is more sure than Spock? The answer is that Spock is not completely sure but he’s not willing to give up on Jim holding out. They’re both in the difficult spot of needing to get away for the safety of the ship but also not being able to leave Jim.

- McCoy in short sleeve shirt :) (imagine picking up a hail and you see this)

- Oh my god what the fuck is that? Are they… space spiders?

- omg hiii Chapel hiii

- Fucking help him Christine! Oh okay she tranquillized him

- “Well keep trying, Mr Scott.” He’s so desperate

- his boots

- I love their talk over comms, where they’re both trying to keep their cool with one another. There’s something about it that I just love (it’s around 20:00)

- HOW DID MCCOY GET TO THE BRIDGE SO FAST

- The Tholian ship fuckin drifting away

- They’re so tired of dealing with each other at this point. It’s like when your social battery is just gone. Maybe I’m projecting.

- Spock is losing it. Jim is gone. McCoy is upset (more upset than angry which is unusual). And now there’s space webbing.

- OH they’re holding a funeral… woah..

- Spock looks over to McCoy at one point and McCoy looks away.

- “We must accept the fact- that Captain Kirk.. is no longer alive.” This is such a terrible way to put it. He can’t admit, or at least can’t say Kirk is dead. It’s so horrible.

- That moment was really good until someone started yelling

- I wanna see more Sulu and Uhura interactions. I think they’d be really good friends

- The eye contact between Spock and McCoy oh my heart

- don’t fight please

- McCoy just asking Spock why he chose to stay when the answer is so damn obvious, ‘it’s what Jim would do, he would stay for me.’ And the destroying the Tholian ship part? It’s because Spock will just blow shit up

- “Bones, Spock, since you are playing this tape we will assume that I am dead, and the tactical situation is critical, and both of you are locked in mortal combat.” They are in mortal combat but with each other.. oh sorry that’s probably what Kirk meant

- Kirk is just like, ‘be yourselves, get along, Spock’s in charge.’

- “you might find that he is capable of human insight, and human error.” As Kirk says this Spock’s mouth slightly falls open

- “…. Spock I uh.. I’m sorry.” Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

- “It does hurt, doesn’t it?” “What would you have me say, Doctor?”

- I got Uhura jump scared

- THE CAPTAIN IN THE MIRROR LMAO

- THE TRANSPARENT KIRK JUST DISAPEARS. Doesn’t even cut away he just blinks out of existence right in engineering

- “In critical moments men sometimes see exactly what they wish to see.” “Do you suppose they’re seeing Jim because they’ve lost confidence in you?” Spock has to take a second after that one. He has to remind himself they’re trying to be friendly “I was merely stating a fact, doctor.”

- MCCOY SWIVELS THE CHAIR

- second McCoy apology of the episode

- “I understand, Doctor. I’m sure the captain would simply have said, ‘forget it, Bones.’” I thought they were gonna hug but no, McCoy’s just fainting. Can we talk about that line? This moment? The actual hurt in my heart. Spock is the only other one now who has called him Bones even if it was just quoting Kirk

- Kirk! The fuck are you doing?

- He’s mouthing Bones and Spock I think

- They finally get to have a drink together :)

- Chekov’s back baby!

- Well the ship disappeared and the screen went black. Imagine they just ended the episode like that?

- I think that Spock has a soft spot for Chekov

- I swear in some of these scenes where they just stare at each other, it was originally written that they share a passionate kiss.

- Kirk: And no problems between you?

Spock: None worth reporting, captain

Kirk: Try me

Spock: Hmmm.. only such minor disturbances as are inevitable when humans are involved

Kirk: Which humans, Mr Spock?

McCoy: Oh, he means that when humans become involved with Vulcans, Jim

Kirk: Ah yes, I understand

Chekov gives a little head shake at their antics. This is the most expressive Spock has been in awhile (picture is as he’s going ‘hmmm’)

- Why are they lying about seeing the orders? Do they just not want to admit they needed his help? Also Spock doesn’t fully lie here! He just mumbles off the end of his sentence. McCoy does most of the lying. They work so well together.

- McCoy goes to look at Kirk right at the end and sees Kirk looking at him so he quickly looks away.

I had so many thoughts on this one. Holy shit.

Masterpost

Episode written by Judy Burns and Chet Richards

[rocketturtle4]

Why Kawi Felt Inentionally Ace Coded

This is the second post I am making about this show for this week, the first was about what I think went down around time travel in this ep and I will directly reference those theories.

Also I just think the way this episode was playing with flash forwards and backs (with both Piseang’s conversation with his mum AND Max’s convo with Kawi – ALSO A FLASHBACK FYI) is VERY INTENTIONAL. (for the purpose of keeping us both in and out of the loop)

Okay so, for the record I really didn’t plan to actively engage in BMF this week, I am mid spiral on an entirely different TV show and this show did not have my full focus while I watched it this morning.

HOWEVER

This moment

[Image ID: Kawi saying "Do you think it's possible for two people dating to have no sexual activity at all]

Took my attention and kept it, I was yelling and I made 2 quick reaction posts about the fact that I was yelling (1, 2)

I will add here that @dropthedemiurge posted about Kawi being definitely ace coded LAST WEEK (I couldn't find it sorry but I remember reading it) as well as this week 2 and @heretherebedork had two different posts about this this week.

Also there is legit evidence for this being about touch starvation and intimacy issues (@shouldiusemyname) and if they do this well I wont be mad but…

It Felt VERY ACE CODED To me

And it felt a bit smack in your face ace coded in a way that to me was throwing up giant WE ARE GOING THERE flags. These flags, to me, were primarily in the LANGUAGE that was used more than Kawi’s physical body langue (which was more ambiguous between the two theories), and this is even trickier because of the layers of translation involved.

So lets talk about those flags

(Also I’m demisexual and demiromantic so my own lens is definitely colouring my view)

Max’s convo with Kawi

I actually loved this convo FOR Max’s response, not because he responded well (if Kawi is ace) but because he DIDN’T respond well. This show is doing a really good job of allowing it’s characters to be flawed and I reckon both Max and Piseang got to be flawed in this episode.

Max has been our gay Yoda

Max has been on point with all his advice

Kawi and Piseang are together in part due to Max’s advice,

But do you know what else Max is?

A 20 YEAR OLD

Max isn’t the person Kawi needs to talk to in this moment, because Kawi’s experiences are no longer aligning with his, and all of his advice thus far has been based on HIS OWN EXPERIENCE (which he literally says by the way):

[Image ID: Max speaking while the subtitles translate the start of his sentence as "Personally,"]

Kawi’s language in this convo was REAL SUS

On top of the first line pictured above, their conversation includes

Max: You’ve already crossed the line, what are you afraid of?

Kawi responds

[Image ID: Kawi saying "I'm not afraid. I just don't think it's that significant."]

Then we get Maxs scoff (SCOFF!!): "Right, The word from someone who’s never had sex"

And his positive take on how important sex is for a relationship and an Individual

And the implication that doing it with someone you love is even better

Then

Max: Are you going to sleep next to each other holding hands forever?

[Image ID: Kawi saying "That's good." with an acesexual black, grey, white and purple flag added to the image]

@sparklyeyedhimbo I like the flag one so I borrowed it.

Then Max points out that it will only work out if Piseang feels the same way.

my thoughts:

Max is very dismissive of Kawi in this convo, there is a real disconnect with Kawi’s tentative questions and Max’s certain responses. Again I THINK THIS IS INTENTIONAL as per above. (For anyone who wants to check again its part 3/4 from around the 2 minute mark)

Kawi doesn’t seem afraid, he seems genuinely confused about not wanting sex. And personally, I’ve BEEN THERE.

Back in the bedroom

Now here we get some fear as Kawi finds condoms, panics and pretends to sleep.

Something I find interesting about this is he doesn’t pretend to sleep facing away from where Piseang would lie or curled up, he is still placed fairly centrally on the bed. His body language isn’t overly defensive (in my uninformed opinion). Now this could just be that he trusts Piseang regardless but I wanted to point it out.

[Image ID: Piseang standing at the foot of the bed look at Kawi apparently asleep in bed]

Then Piseang Time Travels (Full clown, I’m committed)

(I just watched the scene again and Kawi opens his eyes and we don’t see Piseang while the music plays, this scene is legit from Kawi’s point of view and we’ve already seen that the travel isn’t visible to the person not holding the magic globe so I AM EVEN MORE CERTAIN)

Anyway back to this post

Piseang goes to bed and looks at kawi like this

[Image ID: Piseang staring at Kawi]

(I’m just putting this here and choosing to interpret it as weighted with future knowledge lol)

Which post is this again?

Ah yes Ace!Kawi

So we get bed in the morning and Kawi pretending to sleep and then Piseang goes

[Image ID: Piseang rolls to lie on top of Kawi]

And Kawi informs him that he’s heavy.

There’s no recoil

There’s no fear

Until

[Image ID: Piseang says "Would you like to get on top instead then?"]

Even then he’s startled more than scared in my humble opinion

Until Piseang tries to kiss him

[Image ID: Kawi making a very surprised/scared face]

Then Kawi pushes him off and leaves

Piseang continues to try and encourage intimacy

HOLD ON I HAVE A SECOND CLOWN THEORY ABOUT THE FUTURE

(I’m less convinced about my projections for what happens in the future, Piseang looks so content, maybe he just get’s a glimpse of domestic bliss…It needs to be next week already. FOR THE RECORD I’m sticking with clown theory 1 if I have to choose).

We get this moment

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi as Piseang wipes something off the corner of his mouth and Kawi's expression goes from anger to something softer]

And Kawi’s change of experession here is so tender, I feel like this could be coded either way intimacy issues or strong romantic feelings, it’s not lust though that’s for sure. (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be using coded for intamacy but *shrugs*)

(oooo I wonder if the language play came from his glimpse into the future)

I’m going to skip ahead to the theme park or this will go forever

The bits in between feel more ambiguous to me

THESE LINES FELT SUPER ACE CODED

[Image ID: Piseang saying "If you just wanted to eat, why did you ask me to take you to a theme park? then Kawi saying "I just wanted to get the vibes. The thing that can make me the happiest is eating"]

Food over sex is a legit part of the ace community (the same way tucked in shirts and clear phone cases are part of the bi community from what I understand)

[Image ID: Kawi still saying "The thing that can make me the happiest is eating" now holding up a corn cob]

(If Kawi had held up cake here I would be ALL IN)

Then we get the rollercoaster metaphor!

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang both looking at the rollercoarster, Piseang looks excited Kawi looks concerned/apprehensive/is making a woah face]

I’m just going to transcribe here it’s quicker and I’m running out of time before I go out tonight:

K: This is too much. Not this ride

P: Come on, Let’s try it first

K: No, I don’t like it.

P: You haven’t tried it yet. How do you know if you like It or not. You said you’d never been to a theme park.

P: If you don’t try it, it’s the same as if you’ve never been here

e.g. Coming to a theme park isn’t the same as enjoying the ride

Then P holds out his hand

P: If you’re scared, just hold onto my hand, Okay?

[Image ID: Kawi looking at Piseang]

K looks at Piseangs hand, Looks at Piseang, Looks at the ride and says

K: No! I won’t get on it. You can go alone if you want to. I’ll just wait here

And walks off

[Image ID: Piseang looks disapointed]

This again felt to me like a rejection of the fear as the primary motivation, he directly says he’s not afraid but he still doesn’t want to

I’m not sure about this scene in the car, it mostly just felt like Kawi was fed up at this point.

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang in the car]

Possibly this scene highlights the different places there in and how Piseang is open to new experience and Kawi’s not? This feels more intimacy coded than ace.

Restaurant Scene

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang looking tired in the restaurant]

Both Kawi and Piseang look so worn out in this scene, they both spent the whole day not communicating their true wants and fears and it’s left them all worn down

But Piseang doesn’t give up

[Image ID: Piseang saying "Whatever I did wrong today, you can tell me." and Kawi responding "Today was great."]

Kawi responds to this sincerity and reaches out to hold Piseang’s hand.

KAWI is the one WHO REACHES OUT, again this reads as specifically felt to me as a reason against touch starved.

[Image ID: Two images of Piseang and Kawi holding hands in the restaurant]

And then we’re in the bedroom (time skip anyone).

I’m actually not going to analyse this scene at all much. If Kawi is ace then he can still choose to have sex provided he and Piseang have communicated and if it’s intimacy issues then I also think it’s okay provided they’ve communicated first. ( idon't actually currently think Kawi is demi for the record)

(even when Piseang takes his shirt off, Kawi’s eyes stay on Piseangs face)

(although Piseangs do too actually…)

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi and Piseang after they have removed their shirts staring at each other. The first image contains the subtitle of Piseang saying "are you sure?"

(god his eyes are so big here compared to their often squintiness)

He doesn’t pull back but leans into the kiss. He’s clearly sure of his decision. I’m just not sure about his reasons.

[Image ID: Piseang and Kawi kissing]

Both Piseangs hands are on Kawi, but Kawi’s hands are straight down, I think this could go with either theory but personally on the few occasions I’ve made out with someone “what do I do with my hands?” loops in my head lol so I found this relatable.

Make of this what you will!!

Thoughts on Kawi and Kissing Piseang while he’s drunk

Honestly this doesn't feel weird to me, romantic attraction can involve kissing and drunk!kawi is just giving in to his confused thoughts and feelings, Aesthetic attraction can trick you too if you're not aware of your own identity (lol I had sex with someone before I experienced sexual attraction for the first time and felt very confused about why I didn't really feel like doing it again after even though it had been a positive experience, It was WILD), Kawi kisses Piseang because he likes him and is then confused about Why TF it doesn't feel like it's "supposed" to, *shrugs* make of that what you will.

Additional Thoughts

I’m reading into past future events now but I wonder about Pear and Kawi’s relationship.

Did they have sex?

There was clearly something fundamentally wrong with it, and the show talks about Kawi prioritising work, but it’s all a bit ambiguous and we never got any impression of intimacy. The fact that Pear is pregnant and Kawi doesn’t question if he’s the father, how long have they been broken up? Why did Pear seek out Not in the first place? Did Pear assume Kawi was gay because they didn't have sex??

ALSO

The scene where Kawi stares at Piseang while he was sleeping (Ep 9) I'm not going back to find it now or this won't get posted for like another 14 hours but it also felt ace-coded but I shrugged it off.

ALSO I HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT LOL

(@lurkingshan and @clairificusrex since you helped with my thoughts)

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 3 Rewatch Drabbles: 3x11 Going Home

Summary:  A series of 100-500 word drabbles to accompany my    rewatch of season 3 of Once Upon a Time.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.  Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an emphasis on Captain Swan’s epic love story.

Word Count: 670

Other Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She’d had the dream again just before her alarm went off.  The details were fuzzy and indistinct and she could never quite remember what happened when she woke, but it always ended the same way.  She and Henry were in her car.  She looked in the rear view mirror, and she saw this group of people standing there.  One of the women had her hands raised, and there was green and purple smoke enveloping all of them. She didn’t know why, but Emma always felt an intense sadness at this point in the dream.

And then it was all gone–the people, the smoke, the sadness.  It was just her and her kid cruising down the road on a bright sunny day.

There was probably some deep underlying meaning in it all–or so she’d think if she went in for all that dream interpretation crap.

Anyway, she had the dream pretty frequently, probably about once a month, although for a few weeks there at the beginning of the year she’d had it nearly every other night.

Emma shook her head slightly and went back to her task at hand, stirring the eggs, flipping the pancakes, thinking about her day ahead.  It was Saturday so she and the kid were having their normal weekend big breakfast.  After that, she needed to get to work.  She was so close to catching her latest skip.  If she was lucky, she’d nab him tonight and still have time to make it to her date with Walsh.

She couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing when it came to her relationship with Walsh.  Oh she loved him and all, but he was just…comfortable.  Somehow she felt like there should be more in a relationship, more passion, more desire, just…more, but hey. Walsh was a good guy; he got along great with her kid, and they just kind of meshed.

Better a kind of boring relationship than an exciting one where the guy left you holding the bag for his crime and you ended up going to prison for it.

She had just handed the cinnamon to Henry and sat down to dig into her breakfast when the knocking started–and her heart started pounding in time with the knocking.  Sometimes in life there were moments where you get a sixth sense, where you just know something momentous is going to happen.

Brushing aside her fancy, Emma went to the door and opened it to see him.  She didn’t know who this strange man dressed like a pirate was, but she knew him.  It made no sense, but she was pretty sure he was one of the people in the dream she was always having.

He was spouting nonsense about her family needing her and how he knew she didn’t remember but he could make her.

And then he swooped in and kissed her, and God help her, for a split second her knees almost gave out at the rightness of it, the relief, the feelings, the joy.

But then reality set back in, and she did what she should have done the moment he took a step toward her–she kneed him in the family jewels and slammed the door in his face.

Her brow furrowed as she licked her lips, still tasting of him, and the unsettling feelings continued. 

“Who was that?” Henry asked, going back to his pancakes.

It was enough to snap her out of it once and for all.

“No idea,” she said, ambling back toward the table. “Someone must have left the door open downstairs.  Come on; let’s eat.”

Notes:–How could I not write my drabble on this scene?  I am fairly certain I literally screamed when I watched this episode live and saw who it was on the other side of the door.  This was the moment I was 100% certain that Captain Swan was endgame and it was glorious.  Given that this was the mid-season finale, I considered this scene my very first Christmas present of the year.

NEXT CHAPTER->

[thebiggerbear]

you taught me the courage of stars

Summary: Chuck is tired of his toys getting ideas of their own and talking back to him. He snaps his fingers and Dean knows that's it, they're all screwed...or are they?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Castiel

A/N: Hey all. So I started writing this about 3 years ago, basing this idea off of the promo/preview we had gotten for 15x18 after 15x17 aired. I took some guesses on Cas' confession/Empty deal (which was being heavily speculated at the time), how the bloody handprint ended up on Dean's jacket (though we knew it had to be something to do with Cas because it was thee handprint spot), Billie trying to break down the door, Cas helping Dean move, how things mentioned/that had taken place in 15x17 would play out, etc. I started writing it on the very day 15x18 was going to air and got about 80% through it before the episode premiered. Once I saw it though, I was completely blown away (what a freaking amazing episode!) and then had trouble picking this back up once I saw the finale to the series and where our beloved characters ended up. So it took literally years to get me to put in that last 20% but I wanted to complete it and put it up. ;) Hope it's okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Songs I listened to while writing: The Night We Met by Lord Huron & Saturn by Sleeping At Last

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Ship Taglist: @nancymcl

In one second, it was all over. With a snap of Chuck’s fingers, Dean came to, rapidly blinking his eyes, and trying to make sense of his surroundings. 

He was in...the bunker. But there was no blood on the floor, no marks on the walls from Billie’s scythe, no wreckage from the havoc the cosmic entities had wrought upon their home in their bid for ultimate power.

He was still in Room 7B, the etchings and paint of the large devil’s trap on the floor still intact. He quickly scanned the space but he was alone. No dead Jack on the floor, no bleeding and mortally injured Sam…

“Sam?” 

When no response came, he struggled to get to his feet, his side still hurting him from where Billie had thrown him against that wall. “Sammy?” He yelled out.

Still nothing. 

Dean cautiously made his way to the closed door, the closed door that had been mysteriously resurrected from its destruction moments earlier, steeling himself for whatever he might find on the other side, and opened it. 

The hallway was empty and again, there were no signs anywhere that an extraordinary final battle had taken place here. Confused but more worried, Dean trudged on. “Sam?” 

Holding onto his side, he forced himself up one step to peer into the map room. No one was there.

“Sam?” He called once more. And again, only silence answered him.

He slowly made his way to the map table, glancing this way and that. To say he was worried didn’t quite cover it. The last time he saw his younger brother, Sam had been bleeding out on the floor after trying to save Jack and failing miserably. Where the hell had he gone? Who had taken him? And why did everything look Spic and Span all of a sudden?

Fear swam through him the longer the silence stretched on. Fear that suddenly turned into anger. “Chuck, you dick! What the hell did you do? Where’s my brother?” When no reply came, his fury grew. “Answer me, you son of a bitch!”

“Dean?”

Dean whipped around so fast it hurt. There, standing before him, was one of the very people who shouldn’t be, not after what he saw happen. “Jack?”

Jack’s eyes softened and he slowly approached the older man. “Are you…?” Not quite finishing his question, Jack warily lifted his arms to enfold Dean in a hug. When the latter didn’t pull away, too shocked to move, Jack tightened his embrace. “It is you.”

At Jack’s heartfelt whisper, Dean allowed himself to relax a tiny bit and brought an arm up to return the hug. “Hey, kid,” he ground out. When Jack’s arms tightened even further, Dean let out a pained gasp which forced the younger man to withdraw immediately in concern.

“You’re hurt.”

Dean hunched over slightly, using the back of the chair next to them to hold himself up for a moment. “It’s nothing.” His face contorted into a pained grimace that was then smoothed out in relief, and he waved a hand dismissively. “Just a leftover from that crazy bitch.” He turned his gaze onto a worried but confused looking Jack. “Kid, how are you here right now? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see you. Really glad. But...how the hell are you standing here right now, talking to me? Last I saw, you were out for the count. Permanently.”

Jack’s brows furrowed further. “I’m not...sure.” At Dean’s dubious expression, Jack thought about it some more. “I know I died when Adam’s rib caused my insides to implode. But, after that...I don’t know, I just woke up here...in my room, in my bed. I’m not sure how.” He looked to Dean for answers, answers that Dean didn’t have, that he truthfully had never had but he and Sam had tried their best to give once Jack appeared on the scene and became something more than just the next monster they would have to face off against and conquer to keep the world spinning like usual.

Dean tried to think of something to say, anything to say, but he couldn’t. He was overwhelmed, hurt, and worried as all hell about his dying brother whom he had yet to find since coming to. 

“Am I dead? Am I...a ghost?”

Dean’s eyes snapped to Jack, seeing the kid’s confusion morph into sadness at the thought. This...this Dean could answer. Even if he couldn’t explain it. “You’re not a ghost, kid. If you were, you’d look dead and you look fine to me.” A small smile started to form on Jack’s young face and his eyes lightened with a trace amount of hope and gratitude. It was true, Jack looked perfectly healthy and alive . Encouraged by the reassurance making its way into the kid’s expression, Dean continued, “Besides, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be feeling this,” he inclined his head towards his aching side. “If we were.”

The right side of Jack’s mouth tipped up as he mulled over it and decided Dean was right. “Where are we then? Where’s Sam?” He glanced around, expecting his dad to pop out of somewhere like Dean had just done. “And Cas?” 

Dean’s eyes shut at the mention of the angel who had been dragged away by The Empty as he watched in horror, helpless to do anything to stop it. He could still hear Chuck’s smug chuckle as it happened, his eyes bright with a giddy pleasure that Dean wishes he could watch drain away when they can work out just how to kill him. He tamped the pain back down, unable to remember Cas’ tear-filled blue eyes staring into his own as a soft smile formed on the angel’s face at the words Dean had just spoken to him, before a deep blackness started to consume his being. He forced away the image of two shining blue lights in a sea of darkness being snuffed out by a final wave of black before it all disappeared. He couldn’t think about that, not yet. Instead, he focused on Sam. Where was Sam?

“He…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, to tell their kid that one of his fathers was gone, the angel who Dean... “I don’t know where Sam is,” Dean choked out instead. “We’ve got to find him, Jack. Sam was hurt...pretty bad.”

Jack gave a stout nod and proceeded to make his way into the library, intent on finding Sam. Dean followed a little slower than he would have liked, due to the pain he was still in, but he was grateful at Jack’s speed and persistence. 

They checked everywhere: the library, the kitchen, Sam’s room, the infirmary, the shower room, the garage...he was nowhere to be found. Dean’s fear now increased to full out alarm. 

Jack stopped short in the hallway, forcing Dean to come to a stop behind him, and closed his eyes. 

Dean watched him for a moment. “Kid?”

Jack’s jaw tightened. “I can’t sense him. I thought I might be able to but…” He slowly opened his eyes, looking upon Dean sadly. “My powers,” He warily lifted his hands, examining them closely. “They’re not what they used to be.” His gaze snapped to Dean fearfully. 

Dean swallowed down the same worry he saw staring back at him, and gave him a sorry excuse of a smile. “It’s okay, kid. We’ll find Sam and we’ll figure it out. Like we always do.” 

Jack seemed unconvinced but gave a dutiful nod. Dean himself was starting to wonder if maybe he had spoken too quickly on the whole being dead thing earlier. Then again, if he and Jack were dead, and Sam wasn’t here, did that mean Sam was...alive?

Dean’s body made its loud protestation to the thought and he couldn’t help but let a pained groan escape. Jack caught him before he collapsed and wound Dean’s arm carefully around his shoulders. “Jack, I’m good,” he gruffly insisted. 

“No, you’re not,” Jack determined. 

Not having the energy to argue, he allowed Jack to help him back to the map room where the kid gingerly lowered him into a chair. He tried not to grumble too much, being truly appreciative of the nephilim’s assistance. He slowly lifted his shirt and as he studied his rapidly darkening skin, Jack crouched down to get a better look. “That looks bad,” Jack murmured worriedly, holding a hand above the massively bruised area that was turning sickening shades of a mixture of colors that Dean never wanted to see but was all too familiar with. “I wish I could heal you.” Jack then lowered his hand to study it, willing it to give him the answers he wanted. “Why can’t I heal you?”

Dean took one more glance at his injured side and lowered his shirt. “It’s alright. It’s just a few broken ribs. I’ve had ‘em before. It ain’t no big thing.”

Jack appeared unsure but kept his doubts to himself. He got to his feet and vanished down the hall before Dean could utter a single word to stop him.

“Hey, kid, where are you going?” He yelled once Jack disappeared. After everything that happened, Dean was determined to keep him close. They still needed to talk about what happened before Billie showed up, to set some things straight, but he’d be damned if he let the kid out of his sight again, especially after watching what happened to him and knowing he was responsible. Jack had only wanted his forgiveness and to save the world, to save his family, a family that Dean had begrudgingly welcomed him into and then excommunicated him from in the span of a single year. Dean knew better now, he had let his fear rule him, just as Chuck had wanted, and he had nearly given that bastard his ending. He was grateful that at the last second, he hadn’t, and that had been because of Sam. Sam…

Before he could think further on it, Jack reappeared with a bag of ice in his hand. Without waiting for permission, Jack crouched down, lifted Dean’s shirt, and gently applied the ice to the swollen skin, earning a loud gasp and pained hiss from Dean. “Sorry,” Jack whispered. 

Dean noticed the brown bottle Jack had placed down on the table before him and gently reached for it, giving the kid a pained smile. “You’re forgiven.” Realizing his words too late, his green eyes snapped to the light blue gaze immediately on him, a sad and soft yearning there that Dean had seen far too often. 

Dean looked back down at the bottle, unable to deal with that just yet. He knew they needed to, it was only fair to have that conversation especially after what Jack sacrificed for them, no matter how much Dean had wanted to avoid it in the past. He remembered how he had told Sam in the next room how Jack wasn’t family, how Jack had heard him… Dean would never forgive himself for that. Chuck’s ending or not...there was no excuse. Like Sam said, they didn’t give up on family, and he had. And he was ashamed of it. Jack deserved better from him, Sam did, Cas… Cas deserved everything… They all deserved better from him.

Forcing himself to take a swig of the familiar carbonated liquid that burned the back of his throat as it went down, made Dean feel a little more settled, as settled as he could be after everything that just occurred and in these circumstances. He clapped Jack’s shoulder and gave him a grateful nod. “Thanks, kid.”

A thin-lipped smile made its way onto Jack’s face and he moved to focus once again on Dean’s injury. 

Dean debated whether or not to say the words on the tip of his tongue, the words that had wanted out the moment they figured out they were being manipulated into giving that dick Chuck his ending. He contemplated the consequences and ultimately decided the hell with them. They might not have long now, wherever they were, dead or alive, before Chuck chose to end them for good, or worse screw with them some more. Cas had insisted they were real, that they were making up their own story as they went, despite Chuck’s interference and manipulations. Dean knew what meant most to him, what he wanted desperately to be real, and it was time he took back what was his, what he knew deep in his soul that mattered to him. That he couldn’t function without. 

“You are, you know,” Dean murmured.

Jack turned an inquisitive gaze on him, his brows furrowing.

Dean studied him, thinking back to that last day of Jack’s life before he had died the first time. Jack had been so happy, at peace, spending time with him. He remembered the words the kid had said when he took him fishing. That had never been Chuck. That moment...that moment was real. “You’re family.”

Jack froze and Dean could see that same emotion from earlier making its presence known once again in his eyes. 

“And I’m sorry that I said otherwise. That I...” The words that had been wanting to escape now suddenly caught in his throat and caused his eyes to start burning. “I’m just sorry,” he choked out. “You’re family.” He swallowed the emotion back down and leveled his gaze at Jack, his meaning clear. “And you always have been.”

The small smile of understanding that answered his declaration, the lightening of Jack’s brow as if a portion of a heavy weight was being lifted, was enough to make Dean soften slightly...just slightly. “I know,” Jack stated, his smile widening.

Dean watched him for a moment, surprised at Jack’s acceptance of his apology and heartfelt declaration, and then gave him as much of a proud smile as he could muster. He lifted his free hand and gripped the side of Jack’s head affectionately. “You’re our kid. And nothing is going to change that. You hear me? Nothing.”

Jack slowly nodded. Dean gave him an approving smile and released him, ruffling his hair before taking another sip of beer. Jack once again focused on Dean’s broken ribs but Dean didn’t miss the happy little smile curving the kid’s lips up. While he wasn’t one for sappy moments you tend to find in movies and tv shows, and he wasn’t someone who liked to discuss his feelings all the time like freaking Dr. Phil, he was relieved and feeling a bit happier than he had since this whole thing with Chuck going darkside had begun, since even before that… As happy as he could be anyway in the wake of everything that happened: his devastation at Cas’ death, the whole cosmic battle thing, Sam’s mysterious disappearance, and now their unknown circumstances.

Dean took another sip of beer before taking the ice from Jack. “We’ve got to find Sam,” he explained at Jack’s worried and confused expression. A resolute nod answered him and Jack got to his feet. He was about to help Dean do the same when the bunker door slammed open up above.

“Dean?”

At the familiar yell, Dean and Jack both froze. Then Dean was on his feet, pain be damned. “Sam?”

A shocked and terrified Sam appeared at the top of the stairs, breathing hard, and his hair a wild mess. Relief flooded Dean, seeing his brother in one piece, the fatal injury he had no longer appeared to be afflicting him. It should have added to Dean’s suspicion that something was obviously off here, first Jack and now Sam, but he was too thankful to see his brother alive and unharmed. “Dean, what--Jack?” Sam’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

Jack’s grin was so wide, his white teeth were showing, and he raised a hand up in greeting. “Hello.”

Sam hurried down the stairs so fast that Dean was sure he must have skipped a couple. He certainly had the long legs to pull it off. Once he reached the bottom, he launched himself at Jack, grabbing him up in his arms and hugging him tightly. “I thought you died,” Sam choked out.

“I did,” Jack asserted, happily returning Sam’s embrace. “At least...I think I did.”

Sam pulled back, his brows drawn as he studied his son. “But if you did, then how…?”

“I’m not sure.”

Sam gripped Jack’s face. “But I saw you.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t looking so hot yourself there for a second either, Sammy.”

Sam’s eyes snapped to Dean, a tiny smile replacing his worry and concern for a moment. He patted Jack’s cheek and released him, only to pull his older brother into a hug.

Dean let out a pained curse which forced Sam to let go of him immediately, his eyes scanning Dean’s body for any injuries. “What’s wrong?”

Dean regained his breath and waved it off. “A few broken ribs. It’s nothing.”

Sam arched a dubious brow. “That’s not nothing.” He indicated the spot where Jack was lifting Dean’s shirt and gently pressing ice with a nod.

Dean hissed when the ice made contact and grimaced. When Jack apologized again, he patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, kid. I appreciate you getting the ice.” He then glanced at Sam. “So, what the hell happened, Sam? We looked everywhere for you. Where the hell did you go?”

Sam watched worriedly as Jack tried to subtly heal Dean but couldn’t. “I, uh...I woke up in the Impala.”

“What? Why?” Dean barked out.

Sam shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.” He then met Dean’s gaze head on. “I was two towns over.”

Jack’s head whipped up in surprise and Dean’s jaw dropped. “Two towns over? What the hell?”

“Yeah,” Sam scoffed and tiredly wiped a hand down his face. “Exactly. Something’s off. I would say we’re all dead but with broken ribs...”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” After a minute, Dean cleared his throat quietly and gently moved Jack’s hand away, lowering his shirt. “Well, we should put our heads together and try to figure out just what the hell is going on.”

“There’s no need for that.”

Everyone whipped around to see Amara standing there, looking pristine in her pantsuit, the same suit Dean had seen her in before everything went to hell. He should have known his brief reunion with his family wouldn’t last long. Nothing good ever did, not in his life.

Dean hobbled forward to face her, placing himself in front of Sam and Jack. He ignored Sam’s quiet call for him and glared at the woman across the room. “What the hell do you want?”

Amara’s smile slowly faded and was replaced by slight contempt. “A thank you might be nice for starters.”

Dean scoffed. “A thank you? After what you and your dick brother did? You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.”

Amara arched an eyebrow. “I had nothing to do with that.”

“You had everything to do with it!” Dean yelled furiously. 

Sam stepped closer to his brother. “Dean,” he warned, trying to get his attention. 

Amara tilted her head curiously, studied Dean for a moment, and then started to walk toward the three of them. Sam grabbed Jack and pushed his son behind him protectively. At the same time, he gripped Dean’s arm and urged him to move backwards. Dean allowed it but never took his eyes off of the advancing cosmic being in front of them.

Amara’s dark eyes flickered to Sam. “There’s no point in running, Sam. You’re not fast enough. Especially not with Dean in his current condition.”

Sam’s jaw tightened and he sent her a fresh glare from behind Dean’s shoulder, gripping his brother’s arm tighter. “We’ll see.”

An amused smile formed on Amara’s face as she slowly shook her head, watching them curiously. “I admire your bravery and your loyalty. Your willingness to sacrifice yourselves for each other. You choose family time and time again, even when it means your very end.”

Dean straightened up as much as he could, and turned back to Sam. “Get the kid out of here. Take Baby and keep on driving. Don’t stop until you hit the ocean.”

Sam’s eyes flickered to his and he frowned. “I’m not leaving you here.”

“You don’t have a choice,” Dean snapped. “Take Jack and go. I’m not going to tell you again.”

Sam had been in such a tense standoff with his brother that he was caught off guard when Jack broke away and strode past them to Amara. “Jack!” Sam and Dean both yelled for him to stop but he ignored both of them.

Jack stopped a few feet away from the woman who by all intents and purposes was his great aunt. She watched him with a sliver of curiosity but said nothing. “How are you alive? How am I alive? Where’s Billie? Where’s Chuck? Why are you still here? Why can’t you just stop and leave us alone? Why can’t you let this world be? Why do you keep hurting my family?” His voice got louder and louder with each question but Amara didn’t shrink back one bit. Instead, she just continued to study him.

“Jack!” Jack’s eyes snapped over to the two brothers at Sam’s yell. They both had moved closer and Dean held out a hand, gesturing for him to join them. “It’s okay, kid. We’ll figure it all out. Just come over here.”

Jack shook his head, making both of their eyes widen in horror. “If I had my powers still, I could destroy her. I could end this. I could end Chuck. And then you would be safe. You would all be safe.”

“Jack, that’s not--”

“But you wouldn’t be,” Sam interrupted Dean. “That’s not what I want. That’s not what either of us want. That’s not what Cas wants.”

As expected, Sam’s words hit home and Jack’s eyes began to soften. Dean stared at his brother, the truth hitting deep down and causing the pain to swell up and drown him from the inside out. 

The loud bangs of the door sounded throughout the room, a constant reminder that Death wanted in, that she would get in and receive everything she felt was owed to her, namely their permanent deaths.

Jack had died by imploding earlier, unfortunately not causing quite the reaction they had hoped for. Chuck and by extension, Amara, were still alive and well. Sam had tried to save Jack and he had received a scythe to the chest for the effort. It hadn’t killed him immediately despite the severity of the wound but Dean was pretty sure that Billie had intended for it to be that way. As much as she wanted them dead, Dean knew she also longed to see them suffer, especially since they had ruined her carefully planned takeover, possibly even since Cas’ angel blade had sliced into her chest. The minute they chose to avert Chuck’s ending, the second they chose to attempt to save Jack instead of sacrifice him, Billie had been on them. Chuck had simply laughed and told Billie to have at it, and then gave her a menacing smile, promising she’d see him later, before he popped out, giving them a giddy wave.

Dean had yelled for Sam when the scythe cut through his brother like butter and had rushed towards them. Billie knocked Dean back into one of the concrete walls and considering how his body had made the impact, he was now on the injured list. Cas somehow not only moved Jack’s body and Sam into Room 7B but he also helped Dean get inside before Billie could get them. They had planned for contingencies, of course, and they had warded the room in preparation for anything that came at them, before Jack and Dean had gone to see Adam. Thankfully, that prevented Death from entering right that very moment, but it would only hold so long.

Cas had turned to Dean, seeing the desolation and fear on his face as he stared down at his bloodied younger brother. “You’re hurt, let me heal you.”

Dean waved him away. “Don’t worry about me. Heal Sam.”

Cas grimaced and glanced at Sam. The man, his good friend for these past twelve years, was not long for this life. He had already tried to heal him but whether it was due to his failing grace or the power of the tool of Death being the one to cause the mortal wound, the angel couldn’t be sure, he was unable to. He had failed Sam, he had failed Jack, he had failed them all…

“I tried but I can’t heal him. I’m sorry. I truly am. Dean, your injury I can do something about. Please, let me heal you.”

Dean’s eyes slowly lifted to Cas, empty and full of a deep consuming sorrow. One tiny tear escaped and made a slow trek down his cheek. “No point. We’ll all be dead in a few minutes anyway.” He swung his head back to Sam. “We lost, Cas. Chuck won and we lost,” his voice broke at the end.

Cas gripped Dean’s shoulder and forced him to meet his gaze. “We haven’t lost yet. Not completely.”

Dean stared down at Cas’ hand for a moment, seeing Sam’s blood transferring from Cas’ hand to his jacket. He glanced back up at the angel and laid his hand on the arm that was currently keeping him from shattering to the floor in a million tiny pieces. The staccato of bangs started registering for him again, and this time they sounded shorter and deeper. “Won’t be long now. Besides, I’m not leaving him.” He spared a tearful glance down at his dying brother. He then took a breath and buried his fingers into the sleeve of Cas’ trench coat, meeting the pained blue gaze watching him. “Thank you, Cas. For getting me out of Hell, for helping us and looking out for Sammy, for being there. For all of it. You’ve been the best friend we’ve ever had and I’m damn grateful. We couldn’t have done all of this without you. You know that, right?”

Cas’ lower lip trembled slightly and he looked away to gain his bearings, contemplating a decision to do something that he wasn’t sure Dean would ever forgive him for.

“So, thank you,” Dean ground out and patted Cas’ arm before wiping his face on his sleeve and sniffling. He focused on Sam and tenderly moved a lock of wayward hair from his brother’s pale face. Another bang sounded so loudly they nearly both jumped. Dean gave Sam a sad smile and rushed out, “You should get out of here, man, if you can. She’s after us, not you. Get out of here and go find a way to bring Jack back, stop Chuck, and live your damn life.”

Cas’ hand gripped Dean’s shoulder tighter. “I’m not leaving you here to die, Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean’s eyes snapped up to meet Castiel’s, surprising him with the amount of tenderness and affection he saw there, rather than the anger and commanding authority he expected. “I’m asking you to go. Sam and I, we’re not walking away from this. But you...you still have a shot.”

Cas held his gaze a moment longer and murmured, “There is no shot without you, Dean.” As Dean’s surprise lightened his green eyes, Cas stated, “I’m not leaving.” 

Both men continued to study one another, seeking answers from each other’s expressions, until Dean gently laid a hand on Cas’ arm once again. “Cas,” Dean started, his voice still rough. He licked his lips nervously and tightened his grip on him. “You didn’t let me finish before when I tried to… There’s something I need to say.”

Cas immediately knew where this was going and attempted to shut it down, like he had before. He wasn’t ready for his life to come to a screeching halt, not yet, not before he could tell Dean what he ached to tell him for the longest time now, not before he could save his life. “Dean, you don’t have to say it. I--”

“Dammit, Cas. I’m going to die in a minute. Just let me get this out,” Dean huffed out a laugh of disbelief. “Please.”

Cas warred with himself internally, seeing Dean’s eyes pleading with him, knowing this wasn’t easy for the man he had rescued from Hell all those years ago to get out, never mind admit to himself. His love and affection for the man who had his arm in a death grip, as if he was afraid he would disappear, won out. He gave Dean a somber nod to continue.

Another bang shook the room. Billie was nearly through. 

“I want you to know that I… I haven’t always…” Cas patiently gave him what little time he had to find the right words. He hadn’t known just how deeply he yearned to hear them from this particular human he had been watching over and fighting side by side with for years.

Another loud bang. This time, the hinges on the door groaned. They had a matter of seconds.

Dean ran his tongue along his bottom lip and hurriedly tried again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize just how much I--”

Cas could hear Billie rearing her arm back outside the door, ready to land the final blows on the wood before her. As much as it broke his heart to do it, he had to put Dean’s safety first. He always had, even above his own. He wasn’t about to break that stride now, even if it meant his very own life would now end. He lifted his free hand and placed it against Dean’s cheek, stopping him mid-sentence and making his eyes widen. “I know,” Cas assured him. “You don’t have to say it. I know .” He saw Dean’s shock emerge as his words began to register. “Dean, I need you to listen to me...there is another way.”

Dean’s brows began to furrow. “How?”

“You won’t like it.” Cas gave him a nod and stood, helping Dean to do the same. He stepped back a few feet, putting some distance between them, and he faced the direction of the door. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I really am. But, I made a deal.” 

Dean froze for a moment and then yelled out, “A deal? What the hell are you talking about, Cas?”

Cas turned a sad expression onto Dean. “Not a demon deal. With The Empty, to save Jack. When we were in Heaven, it came for him… It was the only way to save him.”

“What?” So many emotions flickered over Dean’s face that the angel had trouble keeping track of each one, even after all of these years. The final ones he could make out were anger, and more importantly, fear. “Why the hell didn’t you tell us?”

“You know why,” Cas murmured, coming close to Dean again, unable to keep away for too long. He placed his palm against Dean’s cheek once more, his eyes starting to glisten slightly. “This is what I have to do. If The Empty comes for me now, it may distract Billie long enough for you to run. From what Sam said, The Empty isn’t happy with her right now. This will buy you some time.” 

“What? No. I told you, I’m not leaving Sam. I-- Dammit, Cas, no. No!”

Cas gripped him tighter, pleading with him to listen. With Cas’ sharp vision, he could see Billie through the cracks of the mostly damaged door. He was surprised it was still somehow standing but at the same time, grateful. He needed to get these last words out. “It’s the only way. You get out of here and you find a way to stop Chuck. This is real, Dean. Chuck was never in control. Not when it comes to us. Don’t lose sight of that. For all of us. For Jack, for Sam, for...for me.” 

Another tear escaped onto Dean’s cheek. “No, you can’t. I just--”

Cas pulled him gently into his arms and hugged him, careful not to squeeze his injured side. “I love you,” he whispered in the softest tone imaginable into Dean’s ear. Dean stiffened in his arms and Cas knew he had been heard. It should be any second now…

“Don’t do this,” Dean choked out. “Please. I just need… We need to… It can’t end like this. Not when I… Dammit, Cas, I want you to stay alive. I need you to… Don’t you dare do this to me again, you son of a bitch.”

Cas drew back, his eyes filled with tears, and stepped a few paces away. Dean, still in shock, thankfully made no move to follow. “You and Sam...you fought for this whole world,” Cas let out in a quiet sob. “I can at least do this.”

The whole room shook as if a bomb had gone off. Both men did their best to keep their footing, glancing at the door to see if Death had finally broken through. Not quite but there was no question about it, the warding sigils around the door were lit up and fading...fast.

Dean swung back to face Cas again and saw smoky black tendrils swirling around Cas’ feet. Horrified realization dawned on him and Cas gave him a tearful but affectionate smile. “It’s going to be okay, Dean. Remember, this is real. It always has been.”

Cas watched as a new look of determination came over Dean’s features as The Empty appeared, a devious grin on its features as its arm encircled his waist. Dean took a few steps closer and his jaw set in resolve. “We’re coming for you. I don’t care what I have to do or who I have to kill, I’m going to find a way to get you out. So you be ready, you hear me? We’re coming, Cas.”

Cas’ smile grew but unfortunately so did The Empty’s. As a tear fell down Castiel’s cheek, The Empty hissed out, “Told ya,” in a voice similar to Meg’s but not quite hers. Dean attempted to rush them but the cosmic entity waved an arm, sending Dean flying into another wall, causing the man to cry out in the shock of pain and for Cas to yell his name. “Uh uh,” Pseudo Meg told Dean, “he’s mine. We had a deal after all.” Dean watched helplessly as the black snakes that were The Empty encompassed Cas’ entire body. Cas managed to choke out two words before he was gone forever, “Keep fighting.”

Cas disappeared and Dean yelled out, “Cas!” reaching a hand across the divide as if he could somehow keep the angel there with him. The Empty smirked down at him and that was when the door exploded, allowing Billie entrance into the room. Dean pushed himself back against the wall, glad he had landed near Sam. 

Death’s eyes were for Dean alone until she noticed The Empty standing there, smirking at her. When neither cosmic being made a move towards the other, and The Empty gave her a nod, she then turned her full attention to the injured man below her. “He went back to where he belongs. And now,” Billie raised her scythe as she stood above Dean. “So will you.” 

Dean gripped Sam’s hand tight, clenched his jaw, and waited for the killing blow. He and Sam had talked about going out in a blaze of glory, all Butch and Sundance style. He may not have a gun in his hand, but he sure as hell wasn’t about to cower in the corner. Not for anyone, but certainly not for this bitch. He would face this head on, like he always had, like he had always planned for when he finally bit it.

What happened next, Dean couldn’t be too sure of. A tendril of black grasped Billie’s wrist and twirled her to meet The Empty head on. Chuck was suddenly there, watching in glee as his creations, his toys , were about to be broken for the final time. Suddenly, his expression changed, morphed into something of sadness and...regret? And then he snapped his fingers, and that was the last thing Dean remembered.

Dean turned to face Amara and Jack, with the former still watching the latter curiously. He didn’t hear Sam’s pleas or Jack’s impassioned and determined responses. He was only focused on one particular detail. 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” Dean asked quietly.

All eyes snapped to him and Amara smiled slightly but stayed quiet.

“What?” Sam looked as confused as Jack. 

Dean took a few steps forward, waving Sam off. “You stopped it all, didn’t you?” Still no response. “Why?”

Amara thought it over for a moment. “I told you from the beginning, Dean. I can’t hurt you anymore than you can hurt me. Though you have disappointed me, setting me up for my own death and all.”

Dean’s gaze dropped to the ground and he felt guilt trying to take hold of him. But when he glanced back up at her, Amara could see the resolve in his eyes. “It’s not something I wanted but if you and your brother were a package deal, it had to be done,” he admitted unapologetically.

Jack’s eyes volleyed back and forth between them, narrowed in confusion.

When Dean’s expression didn’t falter one bit, Amara nodded and let out a sigh. “I suppose I understand. Though I am still disappointed.”

Dean let out a gruff, “Sorry.”

Amara smirked. “No, you’re not, but I can...appreciate what you’re trying to protect. Besides, I suppose many don’t often hear that word from the great Dean Winchester now do they?”

Dean’s expression stayed the same, once again unapologetically himself. 

Sam appeared next to Dean. “Wait, if you’re here, then where’s Chuck?”

Amara regarded him for a moment. “He’s here as well.” All three men tensed at the revelation and Amara rolled her eyes. “He’s not roaming the halls. He’s here, with me.” She placed a hand over her chest. 

“You mean he’s a part of you, that you consumed him?��� At Amara’s nod, Sam’s brows scrunched in puzzlement. “How is that even possible? I thought he consumed you.”

Amara slowly moved away from them, keeping her eye on all three, until she reached the table where Dean’s beer bottle sat. Sam grabbed Jack, and Dean watched her suspiciously. Amara sat on the table, crossed one leg over the other, and took a sip. She let out a satisfied breath and regarded them carefully. “He did.”

They waited for her to speak and when she didn’t, Dean and Sam exchanged skeptical expressions. “And?” Dean asked impatiently. 

Amara took another sip and gave an uncaring shrug. “I needed time to figure him out, from the inside. He really wanted a true balance between us, with him on the more powerful side of the scales of course. But, here’s the thing, when you cage or consume a cosmic being, it can only be for so long. As you mentioned, Dean, we’re a package deal. As you already know, if one of us dies, the universe is thrown into chaos. If we both die, then no chaos. Not the kind of chaos you would expect, anyway.”

Jack stepped up to Dean’s right shoulder. “How did you get out?”

Amara gave him a soft smile and an approving nod. “He’s a lot like you, Dean. I like that.”

Dean glanced towards Jack who stared up at him sheepishly. A smug smirk lifted the corners of Dean’s mouth and he turned back to Amara. “Like the kid said, how did you get free from the dickbag?” Out of the corner of his eye, Dean noticed the small smile form on Jack’s face and the curious relief wash over Sam’s.

Amara tapped her nails against the bottle. “Do you remember what bonded us, Dean?”

Dean gave her a short nod. “The mark. What about it?”

Amara smiled and placed the bottle down. She gently moved aside her jacket and blouse to show the familiar mark still present on her skin. “This is what imprisoned me for millennia.”

Sam scoffed. “Yeah, we know that part. What does that have to do with Chuck?”

Amara narrowed her eyes angrily and Jack took a step forward, standing next to Sam. Dean watched the movement with an almost parental pride. He was once again reminded of his mistake claiming that Jack wasn’t family; Jack was a Winchester through and through. 

“It has everything to do with my brother.” She waited a moment, then apparently let Sam’s interruption go, and once again settled her eyes on Dean. “It keeps me free, it’s what keeps us bonded. But for him, it has managed to keep him imprisoned…”

All of their eyes began to widen in surprise as her meaning dawned on them.

“Within me,” she finished.

Sam and Jack looked to Dean who shook his head as if to clear it. “Wait, so you’re telling me, Chuck is in a cage...in you?” Amara nodded, her smile widening as Dean let out a laugh in surprise. “How the hell is that even possible?”

She tilted her head. “I told you, I needed time to work it out. From within him.” 

Dean once again shook his head, this time in bewilderment. “So you turned the mark and the cage he made for you against him.” At the lack of response, Dean laughed again. “That’s just freaking perfect. The bastard deserves nothing more.”

Amara’s eyes saddened but she nodded in agreement.

“Wait, hold up a second, Dean. Amara, you said that cosmic beings can’t be held for long. And as glad as I am to hear that he’s trapped, how long will that last?” At Amara’s annoyed expression, Sam held up his hands placatingly. “I mean, he couldn’t hold you for long. What if he does the same to you? What if he figures you out from the inside, too, or whatever?”

“Really, Sam? You couldn’t give me one moment to enjoy the idea?” Sam glanced over worriedly but saw Dean’s exasperated but amused expression staring back at him. 

Sam gave his brother a sheepish shrug. “We have to know, Dean. If Chuck breaks free, this will only start all over again.”

Amara swung her foot in a slow circle as she spoke. “As for right now, the way I’ve worked it, due to the mark, that won’t be possible. At least not for a very long time.” At Sam’s disbelieving frown, she stated, “We’re talking millennia here. Look at how long it took me to get out of my cage where the mark was concerned. Chuck in his egomania never considered that the mark might not be the best thing for him when he consumed me. It will be a very long time before he can come up for air. Not unless I allow it. Perks of being a cosmic being.” 

Dean studied her worriedly. “Won’t he keep trying to break out, though?” Amara’s eyes snapped to his. “When I had Michael in my head, he fought to break out all the time and it was rough. But he was just an Archangel. I can’t imagine having Chuck inside there for even a day and you’re talking years.” Just thinking about it was starting to give Dean another headache. 

“We’re a little different that way, Dean.” Amara smiled warmly at him. “Besides, this gives me time to speak with him, work with him, show him the value of this world. Neither of us have to die and the world can continue on as it should.”

“You mean...now you’re God?” Jack asked.

Amara considered this carefully.

Dean arched an eyebrow. “You’ve got him trapped deep down inside of you now. Probably planning all of his little shows that he wants on some cosmic Netflix when he’s out again. Are you sure you’re up for the job?”

Amara’s smile grew bigger. “I never imagined I would...but I think I might want to stick around, maybe take more of this all in. I’ve never created anything before,” she finished in a whisper.

After a minute, Jack asked, “What about Billie? And The Empty?” 

“Back where they both belong,” Amara nearly growled. “My brother was right about one thing, Death may have our death books and we may be reaped someday, but he did create space and time. The fact that they thought they could make a play for us…” Her eyes snapped to Jack’s. “Let’s just say that Billie has been demoted.”

“Demoted?” Was it possible Dean never had to worry about her coming for him or Sam? Ever again?

Amara nodded. “She’s been laid to rest in The Empty and a new Death has taken the helm.”

Sam frowned. “A new Death?”

“Yes, I believe you know her, Dean. Tessa?”

Shock and surprise colored Sam and Dean’s expressions as they exchanged glances. 

“I remembered her from your memories.” At Dean’s wide eyes, she explained, “From our bond. I decided that she needed a new purpose, easing the physical suffering of those in the world the only way death can.” 

Dean thought it over and then gave a little smile, nodding. “She’ll make a good one.” With that new purpose Amara talked about, after his time with Tessa during that deal with the first Death, he couldn’t imagine a better candidate.

“I agree.” Amara got to her feet and smoothed down her jacket. 

“Thank you.” All eyes turned to Dean and he had a forced smile on his face but his eyes were genuine in their gratitude. “You didn’t have to help us but you did. So...thank you.”

Amara strode over to him. “I told you, Dean. You and I will always help each other.”

Nodding, Dean licked his lips nervously. “I have to ask, just one thing. If Tessa is back… Is there a way I can get into The Empty? To bring back someone who was sent there?” He ignored the question in Sam’s gaze, and the realization and sadness in Jack’s.

Amara laid a hand against his cheek, studying him. “I’m sorry, Dean. You can’t. It’s outside of space and time. There is no way. Not even I can.”

“But you just said you got Tessa out. Why can’t--”

“When I sent Billie and The Empty back there, I could only keep the door open long enough to locate the ones I needed and get them out. Any longer and it would have been too much of a risk. My brother and I truly have no power over that place.”

Dean felt the ache in his chest consume him and he gave a broken nod, dropping his eyes to the floor so she wouldn’t see the tears trying to build there. 

Amara lowered her hand to hover above his chest. “There isn’t anyone there you need to bring back, Dean.”

Dean’s head snapped up and his eyes tightened in defiance of those words. “Yes, there is,” he bit out. “And if you can’t help me, I’ll find another way to break in.”

She smiled softly. “Dean, I’ve thought over our conversation from that deli quite a bit. You know why I had brought Mary back, that I tried to free you from your anger. I wanted to give you something you needed, something I thought you needed. But now I see...that what you really needed has been here all along, hasn’t it?”

Dean’s brows furrowed, wondering just where she was going with this. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and maintained his unflinching gaze, listening.

Amara smiled though her eyes became slightly saddened. “Had you not given me what I needed back when I was bent on revenge and destruction, I would have never seen how truly precious this world is. I would have never seen the fragile beauty that surrounds this place every moment of every day. As I told you that night, I tried to free you from your anger, to help you to accept the present and to realize this beautiful reality, while sometimes tragic, is better than any idealized fantasy that you could wish for. Because this, right now, is not my brother’s ending. Dean, this is real and real is always better.” She snapped her fingers, making all three men tense. 

They waited but when nothing happened, Dean turned to her with a quizzical expression. As Dean opened his mouth to ask her what the hell that had to do with getting into The Empty, a word spoken behind them made him freeze in shock.

“Dean.”

Dean whipped around in shock and there stood Cas, his trench coat and attire the same as Dean had last seen him, smiling widely, his blue eyes soft and glistening.

“Cas,” Jack nearly whispered. Sam was just as surprised as the kid. His hazel eyes immediately darted over to Dean who was still staring at Cas as if he were a mirage that he was afraid would disappear should he blink.

Dean didn’t remember commanding his feet to move. It was almost as if the moment that Cas appeared, his body felt a strong pull, tugging him in the angel’s direction, and he just had to get closer. “Cas?” He choked out in disbelief, his eyes filling the moment he was less than three steps away from what was on the end of that impossible force.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas’ timid smile widened and his gaze grew glassier. 

Dean let out a sharp breath and launched himself at Cas, wrapping his arms around his friend and crushing him tightly to him. He ignored the screaming pain in his side, biting his lip until it practically bled and tears began to blur his vision. He wasn’t letting go, not for anything. Cas returned the embrace and let out a soft sob into Dean’s jacket. Dean squeezed his eyes shut in relief for a brief moment, forcing tears out which he subtly wiped away, and then pulled back enough to press a rough kiss to the side of Cas’ dark head before gripping him tightly once more.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Dean whispered gruffly into Cas’ ear. “You hear me? I mean it, I can’t lose you again, Cas.”

Cas’ fingers dug into Dean’s shoulders and he gave a short nod.

“And…” Dean swallowed, intent on nothing stopping him from saying what he had been wanting to say ever since he realized just how much his best friend mattered to him, how much he truly needed him. “Me, too, Cas,” he whispered into the angel’s ear. “I love you, too.” Feeling Cas’s fingers dig further into his shoulders at the declaration, Dean pulled back slightly and grabbed Cas’ head in between his hands, meeting the wet blue gaze head on. “And I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”

Another tear rolled down Cas’ cheek but his smile was the brightest Dean had ever seen it, even more than the few moments he could elicit an amused chuckle or pleased grin out of him in the past, more than when Cas had declared his love for him and reached his true moment of happiness earlier. Dean realized, staring at the angel who had become the friend that knew him better than he knew himself, had joined his family, and had fought by his side for twelve long years, that this smile was his new favorite. He could stare at it for days, it was that mesmerizing. But most of all, he loved the wearer of this smile.

Jack and Sam were at their side in an instant. Dean pulled back enough to give them room, but kept his fingers buried in the back of Cas’ coat, unwilling to let go until he was convinced his best friend wouldn’t disappear. Jack eagerly threw his arms around Cas who heartily returned his embrace. 

Sam laid a hand on the angel’s shoulder and squeezed which was responded to with an affectionate smile from Cas. “Glad to have you back.” 

“It’s good to be back,” Cas agreed. “And I’m glad to see you’re healed and doing well.”

“You were in The Empty.” Jack’s face saddened with realization. “Because of the deal you made to save me?”

Cas nodded but smiled softly at Jack, pulling him in for another hug. “A deal I don’t regret making and I would do it again if it kept you safe.”

The corner of Jack’s lips began to tip up in the corner and he tightened his hold on Cas. “I’m happy you’re back, Cas.”

Cas’ smile grew wider and he closed his eyes, reveling in this moment with his son.

Sam’s eyes met Dean’s over the other two’s heads and they both shared a nod. Everything was back to how it should be. 

When Dean saw Sam’s gaze flicker behind him and his features tense, Dean turned around to find Amara standing a few feet away, studying their group intently. The woman’s hazel eyes slowly ran over them and ended on Dean himself. 

Dean exchanged quick glances with his brother, and at Sam’s nod and him moving even closer to Cas and Jack in a protective stance which caught the latter two’s attention, he stepped towards Amara and gave her his full attention. “Alright, so you brought him back. And you brought Jack back, Sam… You saved us, saved the world. So, what’s the catch?”

Amara’s brow scrunched up. “Catch?”

Dean gave her a look. “Why did you do it?”

“I told you, I—”

“That’s a load of crap,” Dean cut her off. “Nothing like that comes for free.” Realization played upon Amara’s beautiful features and her eyes sharply focused on him. “I get the whole caging Chuck thing and I’m glad you did it. The bastard deserves it after everything he did. But why did you get Cas out of The Empty? Like you said, it was no easy feat. And what’s more, why did you bring Sam back? Or Jack? Did you purposely set this up so we’d be in your debt? So you could call in a favor? So if you whistled we’d come running? Because that is not happening. So if that’s why, you’d better think again, lady.” When she didn’t answer him right away, Dean then spoke through clenched teeth. “What is it that you want?” 

Amara straightened her spine and crossed her arms. “There is no catch, Dean.”

Dean scoffed. “There’s always a catch.”

She considered that for a moment but then spoke again. “Perhaps,” she agreed. “But that is not the case here.” At Dean’s disbelief, she continued. “I told you before, we’re connected. We always will be. I can’t hurt you anymore than you can hurt me and what’s more, I don’t want to hurt you. I never have. I have only ever wanted to help you.” Amara lifted a gentle hand to Dean’s cheek which made the man shrink back slightly, warily watching her as she pursued the touch until her fingers made contact with his skin. He saw a tender smile form on her face when he didn’t pull away. “I have always told you that we will help each other, and that’s true. But not in the way you’re thinking. I’m not doing this to gain a favor or keep you in my debt. I’m doing what I told you I wanted to do back in that deli.”

Dean’s brows furrowed in confusion and his eyes were shadowed by an obvious distrust that he didn’t care if Amara could see or not. 

“I thought your mother was what you needed and that’s why I brought her back. To free you from your anger; to show you that the reality of her was better than some age-old fantasy you had. And like I said that day, I now know I was wrong. It turns out that you needed something entirely different.” She lowered her hand and moved her gaze past his shoulder.

Dean slowly glanced behind him to find Sam, Cas, and Jack all carefully watching them. Sam swallowed convulsively, Jack glared, and Cas watched with indifference tainted slightly by worry. He swung his eyes back to meet Amara’s. 

“They’re the family that you need, Dean. I understand that now.”

Dean processed her words and found he couldn’t deny that she was right nor did he want to. He had meant what he said to his dad a while back; he had a family. One he would fight to keep together, no matter what it took. Just like his dad had, though he would…be different. Yes, he would do it all differently. Jack, Sam, Cas…they all deserved better. And better is what they would get. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but his family knew that and loved him anyway. 

Cas had been right; they were real. And as Amara kept reminding him, reality was far better than any fantasy. It stunned him for a moment to let those words travel through his brain: love, real. He knew Sammy loved him, Jack even, but Cas…Cas indeed loved him. He had said it right before he got taken by The Empty. Cas could have chosen any words to say for his impromptu deathbed speech, but he had chosen those three specific ones, and for Dean alone. A warmth started to suffuse his chest when the word ‘real’ repeated itself over and over in his head. This was real and he could have it. He never thought he could, especially after Lisa and Ben, but here it was, right in front of him. Maybe not in the exact way he had fantasized about for years, but it was here all the same and it was all his . Reality was indeed better than any fantasy he could have cooked up. He wouldn’t trade his brother, his son, or his…his angel for anyone else. He didn’t need some white picket fence or a wife or PTA meetings to attend in order to make him feel like his dreams came true. He had a family, a real one, and that was a dream enough for him. He nearly smiled at the thought of it. He had a family. 

In the next second though, the happy thought then dropped into a pit of all-consuming dread. If all of this with Amara wasn’t real, if this was some hallucination of his or a grand scheme of manipulation a la Chuck style, he had no idea what he’d do. This brought back the recent memories of how each of his family members appeared in the bunker one by one after she pulled the Thanos-snap with Billie.

His brows furrowed in concentration on one particular thought. “That’s why you did it.” At her confused expression, he clarified, “Sam. In the Impala two towns over. That’s why.”

Her puzzlement smoothed out into an understanding smile. “You needed time to talk to him. To tell him the truth.” Dean chanced a glance back at Jack upon her words. His son’s glare in Amara’s direction softened when his eyes met Dean’s. Dean’s gaze dropped to the floor for a moment, shaking his head slightly in disbelief at the realization that yeah, Amara did know him better than he had ever thought. Almost eerily so. His three biggest regrets when he thought he was about to die earlier had been that he hadn’t been able to save Sam, that he hadn’t confirmed to Jack that he was family, and that he hadn’t told Cas what he had been wanting to tell him this whole time. And now, within a matter of minutes, all three regrets had turned into opportunities for him to rectify them: Sam was alive (and safe was debatable but Dean would take it), he had apologized to Jack and made sure he knew that he was their kid, and he had told Cas that— Well, he was able to tell Cas how much he meant to him. And he still had his family.

“I told you, Dean.” Dean’s head whipped back around to Amara. “Reality is better than fantasy. And what you have, it’s real.” He was still overwhelmed by that realization, unable to say anything and wanting to really. Instead, he gave her a simple nod. He saw a slight sadness in her eyes that a moment later vanished only to be replaced by a light of determination. “It is time that I took my leave. I interrupted my vacation to help you boys the first time, and I am eager to get back to it. From what I hear, there’s nothing like getting a Swedish massage in the Swiss Alps.” She smirked and took a few steps back. “And before you ask, Dean, no I don’t intend on pulling the strings like my brother used to. I plan to take a much more laid back approach to it all.”

“So, basically, we’re on our own? Like we were before?” A feeling of familiar disgust began to churn in his stomach.

She studied him for a moment. “I wouldn’t say that. I’m not abandoning any of you; I’m simply in the background. Though that does remind me.” She snapped her fingers quickly, making all of the men jump slightly. Dean was beyond terrified to look behind him, afraid that she had pulled the old bait and switch on him. He was working up the nerve to turn when Amara smirked over at him. “There, that should take care of everything. Now,” She slipped sunglasses on that had appeared in her hands out of nowhere. “Jack, I’m still thinking it over but I may need your help if I decide to restructure things a little.”

“Why should I help you?” Jack bit out from behind Dean. The older man closed his eyes and let out a breath of relief. When he felt the warmth at his shoulder from Jack, he opened his eyes quickly and grabbed at his son’s wrist, attempting to pull him further behind him. 

Amara didn’t flinch, literally or figuratively. “Because I would think after everything we both have been through with Chuck’s setup, you might want to have a say in redoing some things. Like Heaven for starters, for the souls in its keep as well as angel management. After the whole Lucifer fiasco and the low number trying to keep the lights on…it’s a mess. As a matter of fact,” Amara turned her gaze onto Cas. “I could also use your help in that department, Castiel. I’d appreciate a full tour and rundown of how things work up there.”

Cas squared his shoulders and approached Dean’s side that Jack was on, also standing in front of the younger man protectively while giving her a defiant glare. “My powers are not what they were.”

“Mine either!” Jack added from behind the two men.

Amara’s smirk grew. “Are you sure about that, boys?”

Dean and Cas exchanged a puzzled look as Sam approached the group near Dean’s other shoulder, standing in front. “What do you mean?”

This time, Amara lowered her glasses slightly to look at all of them. “I’m saying that both of my nephews can come off of the bench. They’ve been there long enough. So can Dean. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’d really like to get going.” She pushed her glasses back into place and a handbag appeared on her arm out of nowhere, her smirk firmly in place. “I’ll be in touch, boys. Toodles.”

Before she could vanish, Dean called out to her. “Amara.”

Her gaze snapped to his, questioning.

“Thank you,” he forced out, knowing deep down that he meant it. He was grateful for her intervention and for everything she had done for his family; he just felt like he couldn’t completely trust in it yet or her.

A full grin bloomed on her lips. “You’re welcome. And, Dean.” This was it. He tensed, waiting for the final blow, for the last rug to be pulled out from under him, the ultimate ‘Aha! Gotcha!’. “Have a little faith.” Dean’s gaze tightened and Amara beamed at him before disappearing.

His skin broke out in goosebumps and his heart started to race when Cas grabbed his jacket and gently turned him in his direction, murmuring “Come here.” Dean swallowed compulsively when the angel’s blue eyes stared into his. The man would never admit it but as much as he loved Cas, and he was grateful to have him back, he wasn’t sure that he was ready for things to ascend to the next level between them quite this quickly. Not when their son and Sam were watching. 

But to Dean’s surprise and possible dismay, Cas’ eyes traveled down to his injured side instead and a shocking mix of relief and disappointment bloomed within his chest. Cas lifted his shirt slightly, intent on placing a gentle hand on his skin, when Dean’s eyes bugged out of his head. “The hell?”

Where there had been mottled and splotchy skin before, now there was only smooth skin. Jack, who had been watching along with Sam, stared at it, puzzled. Cas pressed his hand to the area and for the first time since waking up, Dean didn’t flinch. He felt absolutely no pain at all. He let out a sigh of relief. Thank God—er…whatever—that he wouldn’t need to worry about that injury. That would have been a real bitch of a time to not only wait for the broken ribs to heal, but to still get around and fight if they needed to.

“Did she heal you?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t feel anything.” He thought back to the moment she had touched his cheek. When Cas touched him to heal him, he would always feel a sort of warmth traveling through his body at the speed of light, coming to a concentrated area which was also the sight of the wound or injury. This time, he hadn’t felt a thing. And he was alright with that. He wondered if Amara kept him wounded until the last second as a sort of safeguard. Not that he could have killed her, but he would have tried like hell if she had turned out to be a threat.

“I wonder…” Cas muttered. He studied his two hands carefully and Dean watched as his eyes began to glow in a familiar electric blue. 

“She gave us our powers back,” Jack stated in awe. One quick glance from Dean showed Jack’s eyes giving off a golden glow all of their own.

“Yes, she’s restored us to full strength,” Cas replied, meeting his son’s bright gaze with his own.

Sam gave his brother a dubious look. “Do you think she really meant what she said? About wanting to restructure Heaven?”

Dean couldn’t be sure, but right now, he didn’t want to waste another second thinking about her, their ordeal, or any other battles coming their way. He had his family back, all healthy and at full strength, and he’d take the win. “I don’t know, Sammy, but right now, we’re not focusing on that.”

Sam looked unsure. “Dean, if she gave them their powers back so she could use them in some way, then—”

Dean laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed. “I get it, and we’ll deal with that when the time comes. But right now, we got you back, we got Jack back, and Cas… And both of them are fully charged with angel juice. Let’s just take the freaking win, man. We’ll worry about all of that other crap later.” Sam still seemed uncertain, but at Dean’s intent gaze, he eventually sighed in capitulation. 

“Okay. I still think we should make a plan, though.”

Dean gave him a smile. “We will. After.”

Sam’s brow furrowed. “After?”

Dean’s grin grew and he turned them both to face the other two members of their family who were looking at them with mirrored tilted heads in confusion. Like father, like son. “Sammy, we’re going to head to the beach and we’re going to stick our toes in the sand.”

“Why would we stick our toes in the sand?” Cas asked. 

“Because it’s what we’re going to do to celebrate us defeating Chuck.”

“How does sticking our toes in sand at the beach indicate a celebration of victory in battle?” Dean glanced at Sam who gave him a smirk, completely leaving him on his own for this one.

“It just is,” Dean decided. “Trust me on this one, Cas. So, Jack and Sam, you two go start packing up.” Dean hated to let either of them out of his sight, especially after recent events, but he felt slightly better knowing that the two would be together and it would only be for a short time. “I’m going to go start packing myself. We’re leaving in ten.” He ignored Sam’s smirk getting wider and clapped his hands. “Let’s go, hustle up. The sooner we blow this place, the sooner we can get to our vacation.” And the sooner they were on the road with him behind the wheel of his beloved car, the sooner Dean would be able to breathe again, no longer holding his breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“One quick question.”

Dean rolled his eyes and turned to his brother. “What?”

Sam suddenly appeared nervous. “Would it be alright if… I mean, would it be okay if I invited Eileen to go with us?” He quickly stammered out.

Dean grinned and Sam rolled his eyes. He knew that his older brother would tease him for years to come over this. “That’s adorable.”

“Can I ask her or not?”

Dean clapped his shoulder, deciding to have mercy on him…at least until they got on the road and he had nowhere to run. And Eileen was going to be there so it would be double the fun. “Absolutely, little brother. I’ve told you before, I like Eileen, and I think it’d be great if she came along. We’ll pick her up wherever she’s at.”

The relief played out on Sam’s features and he relaxed slightly under Dean’s hand. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

Dean nodded and slapped Sam’s shoulder again. “Alright, let’s get packed up and ready to go. If you’re not here in ten, I mean it, I will leave your asses behind, so let’s go.” He wouldn’t dare to leave them behind, never again, but he wasn’t about to say that out loud at this moment. Despite his attempt at giving them a sense of urgency, Sam slowly made his way over to Jack and ushered him out into the hallway while pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

Dean watched them go and then turned to Cas who was studying him intently. He felt an unfamiliar shyness creeping up inside him and his nerves began to take over, but he cleared his throat quietly, intent on pushing past the forming anxiety. “Cas, I, uh—Do you need to pack anything? A different coat, perhaps?”

Cas gave him a look and Dean let out a nervous chuckle.

“Right.” He took a few steps towards the angel. “Listen, I…” Dean struggled to get out what he wanted to ask, and he licked his lips anxiously. Why was it so difficult to ask this? It shouldn’t be that big a deal.

“Yes, Dean, I will go with you to your room and help you pack.”

Dean’s eyes widened. How in the hell did Cas know that? 

A soft, understanding smile formed on Cas’ face. “I told you, Dean. We can pick up on longing. And right now, you want me to go with you because you don’t want me out of your sight.” 

Dean opened his mouth to immediately protest but found he couldn’t. It was true; he didn’t want to let Cas out of his sight in case he disappeared again. After everything, he couldn’t take that right now. Hell, he couldn’t take that ever. Never again. Instead, he cleared his throat for a second time and dropped his gaze to the floor. “Okay.”

He started to make his way towards his room, grabbing onto Cas’ sleeve and gently tugging him along. He didn’t need to look at Cas to know his best friend was sporting a huge grin, especially when a couple of Dean’s fingers tenderly brushed against his wrist. If anyone forced him to admit it, Dean would say he was trying to get a better grip on Cas’ coat or that it was an accident, but deep down, a small part of him yearned for the brief contact. That same part of him also didn’t seem to mind it so much when Cas’ fingers brushed against his hand when the latter handed him a few folded shirts to throw into a duffel bag about four minutes later.

And Dean would deny it to the ground, but he had taken two minutes of the allotted time they had been given to sit on the edge of his bed with Cas next to him, their shoulders touching at the very same site Cas had initially left his mark, and it made him sigh in relief, enjoying the brief absence of chaos and the ensuing silence. The seasoned hunter and the angel took a moment to breathe and Dean could swear it was some of the best time he had ever spent on this earth. So this is what it was like—to love someone and have them love you in return. It was new and unfamiliar but Dean found himself liking it. He had loved Lisa and Cassie, and they had loved him, but it had never felt like anything close to this. This moment of sitting together, not saying a word, staring at the wall across from them, barely touching, no more secrets between them, enjoying the peace and just being, was suddenly in his top ten moments. Sex was awesome but even that didn’t compare to this. Dean didn’t exactly believe in soul mates but he understood why some people did. The feeling he got just from having Cas there, with their kid and Sam down the hall from them, preparing to show them one of the beaches he had gone to back in the day when on a solo hunt after he and his dad split up, well, it was indescribable.

And that same feeling continued to fill him twenty minutes later as they barreled down the road in Baby, heading towards Eileen’s destination, who had enthusiastically agreed to the small vacation. Dean glanced at Sam who was grinning down at his phone like an idiot as he and Eileen presumably swapped texts. He then checked the rearview mirror to find Jack showing Cas something on his phone that he had found, most likely what to do on a beach since the former had been asking Dean repeatedly about this topic until he shut it down three minutes earlier. Not even the knowledge of Sam packing some books in the trunk of the Impala to research further into Amara’s switcheroo could lessen this newfound feeling inside of Dean. He wouldn’t say it was quite peace or happiness but he would venture it was something in between the two. Actually, he knew it was when he saw Cas’ smile as Jack played a video of baby turtles making a mad dash to the ocean after hatching. 

Dean grinned and turned up the music as a familiar Led Zeppelin song came on. He hit the gas and Baby took off faster down the open road. Not quite peace or happiness but pretty damn close. Yeah, he could live with that.

A/N: The about 80% mark I got up to 3 years ago was the Dean and Cas reunion scene, right when Jack and Sam are approaching.

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[dramavixen]

are producers the clowns for approving subpar endings or am i the clown for expecting more

**Spoilers for:

Love Like the Galaxy (China, 2022)

The Red Sleeve (South Korea, 2021)

Late as I am to every bandwagon, I at last completed my first watch-through of Love Like the Galaxy a few days ago. For the past couple of weeks, I have done nothing but think about, consume, and breathe this story. At last, a show that was ticking all the boxes! I could tear myself free from this drama slump of mine!

This celebration lasted until I sat down with my parents to observe that thing the producers might call an "ending," but which sparked a frustration in me so severe that it triggered a post-COVID coughing fit, which in turn almost made me throw up. I couldn't comprehend it: was this the same show? Did I accidentally click on a parallel universe version where everyone's intelligence was operating 20% capacity?

Since I'd like to avoid making myself physically ill again, I'm not going to focus too much on how logic abruptly becomes an imaginary concept throughout the last two episodes. At least all that did was make me angry. What I can't accept is that they use that lack of logic to curse our leads with the most careless of reconciliations.

To alleviate my distress, we're going to perform an investigation. A deduction, if you will, of precisely what the ending was lacking, and utilizing a case study of how to conclude a story in both a fitting and compelling manner.

An unresolved misery

In recent years, my tolerance for male leads' misbehavior has plummeted down into the core of the earth. You could say that after years of being brainwashed by media into excusing male characters' questionable actions due to how much they "love" their partners, I'm taking back my common sense. So when faced with Zisheng's killing spree while armed with the knowledge that a "happy ending" was endgame, I anticipated how the writers would close such an abyssal rift in the leads' relationship. And the result was...well, not all that worth it.

If you need a memory refresh or you're reading this without fear of spoilers (godspeed), the conclusion of LLTG sees Shaoshang being kidnapped multiple times by people who she knows don't hold good intentions, but she goes along with them anyway. Don't ask why (the answer is so Zisheng can swoop in to rescue her). Some needlessly dramatic things lead to Shaoshang assuming for a few seconds that Zisheng has died in an explosion. But lo and behold! Here he comes, emerging unscathed from the ordeal. She flies into his arms and forgives him. Then they run off and save China, because it's not a historical C-drama until they do.

By the time we got to the fire/explosion scene, my mental state had already been reduced to a pulp. Therefore, to write this piece, I had to rewatch that part and make sure I was getting all the details right. It shocked me into a second round of holding my head to prevent my brain from ejecting itself as it sought to escape this reality.

(Also, I have to take a moment here to demand justice for He Zhaojun. They leave a pregnant woman on the floor after dragging her out of a fire, while she's having contractions, so they can instead take the time to hold a premature mourning session for Zisheng. Guys, it's not the end of the world if you don't have a brain. But please don't throw away your conscience.)

However the writers did it, it still counts as a happy ending. Such a conclusion should come as a relief, so why do I find it so hard to come to terms with? Let's rewind a tad.

Both Shaoshang and Zisheng grew up under grim circumstances, their identities subjecting them to emotional and social turmoil. But while they share a similar internal struggle, they must deal with it in opposing ways. Shaoshang opens herself up to anyone who shows her true kindness, desperate for someone to accept her for who she is. On the other hand, Zisheng can only isolate himself from everyone, unable to reveal his true self due to both political and personal interests.

Their eventual parting is unavoidable. Shaoshang is moved by Zisheng's unwavering love for her. Can't blame her all that much; just look at him. But the closer she gets, the more Zisheng fears dragging her into his mess of a life, and the more he pulls away. When Zisheng chooses vengeance over love, he's already crossed Shaoshang's bottom line several times by refusing to share his troubles whenever she asked—the irony being that he once scolded her for keeping things to herself.

ZS: If, one day, they really intend to kill you, would you not tell me then, either? Shaoshang, exactly who do you take me for? Why must you always act on your own, and not trust me? SS: It is not that I do not want to trust you. I simply— ZS: You simply do not care about me. After betrothing you, I would frequently think about how great it would be if I could become your confidant and anchor. You could tell me about all of your fears and loneliness. I do not wish to control you. All I hope is that you can be honest with me. But how is it that your heart never warms toward me?

I see that Zisheng is a loyal believer of the "do as I say, not as I do" doctrine.

While it's initially funny to look back on the above scene in context, it's quite sad once you mull over it more. Zisheng's desire to know Shaoshang's troubles is rooted in a concern for her safety that is both emotional and practical in nature. When Shaoshang later applies that same thinking on him, the tables have turned completely. Zisheng is now aware that few situations are simple enough to be resolved just by being honest with someone else. And if the problem is severe enough, doing so may only aggravate it further.

From his perspective, telling Shaoshang would mean ruining her and her family's lives by association. Not to mention, she herself swore that she would stay with him through everything. So if he dies as a result of carrying out his revenge, the possibility of her dying solidifies itself as an inevitability. Leaving her behind is the one method he has to ensure that he alone would suffer the consequences.

Like it or not, it's hard to blame either of them for the end of their relationship. Is Zisheng wrong to keep Shaoshang in the dark? Arguably yes, arguably no. But is Shaoshang justified in her anger about being kept in the dark? Absolutely.

While we can be reasonably upset that post-timeskip Shaoshang possesses none of the outspoken nature of her teenage self, her lingering depression is the most realistic result of everything that happens. She has tried repeatedly to find her place in the world, yet arrives at nothing but failure every time. Not to mention, she suffers from an inferiority complex that intensifies the ache of each and every rejection. She isn't unfamiliar with being abandoned, but Zisheng doing it to her is the final straw that breaks her. The coffin her family was preparing for her didn't go to waste—the moment that Zisheng turned his back on her, he killed a part of her. Meanwhile, Zisheng becomes a corpse with a pulse, someone who only continues to breathe so he can regret what he has done.

When you delve into how much Zisheng hurt Shaoshang and himself, it becomes clear that a Michael Bay explosion shouldn't have been the answer to their problem. After the timeskip, the issue at hand should be less about her forgiving him than it is about each of them needing to redeem parts of themselves that they lost to the circumstances. That's why their interactions at this point are so painful to watch. Every word, every look, every movement brims with love for the other person, but they are both shells of their former selves that cannot move on.

No words for the above; too busy sobbing as they each individually accept that they'll never experience true happiness again.

As a viewer, you know that Shaoshang accepting him at this point would be an objectively bad idea. But it's also hell to watch two people, both overly accustomed to suffering, walk away from the person who brought them the greatest joy in their life. That's the art of tragedy, flourishing before us in a quiet, leaden fog. And they killed it in a bloom of gunpowder, of all things?

The beauty in tragedy

To say that a tragic ending is inherently superior to a happy one would be a pretentious fallacy. At the same time, a forced happy ending will feel unstable enough that the slightest of questions will cast it into doubt. The genre of an ending is irrelevant. It only matters that the ending is the right one.

So should LLTG have ended with the leads parting ways for good? To find the answer, I want to first dig into a successful example of tragedy. For that, let's look to our dearest, our legendary, our precious: The Red Sleeve.

Similar in premise to LLTG, TRS features a female lead with independent thinking and a dream for freedom, faced with a man of high social status who goes about chasing her in a way that flaunts his power. The stakes are higher in TRS since the man in question will one day be king, but the highlight of the show is the same as in LLTG: you bounce back and forth between hoping that she ends up with him and praying to any god that exists that she runs far, far away from him. You can't really win.

One day I'd love to write a thorough analysis on the amazing character that is Sung Deok-Im, but for our current purposes I'll focus on the nature of her ending. TRS is roughly based on history, and a quick Google search when you begin the drama will inform you that our female lead is fated to die at 33 years old—only a few years after she is "promoted" from gungnyeo to Yi San's consort. As a result, you spend much of the drama battling the lurking dread of how her death comes about.

A few months after her young son passes away, Deok-Im falls ill and dies. The unborn child in her womb follows her. Yi San is beside her as Deok-Im slips away, and her dying wish is cruel but fair: should they meet again in another life, she begs Yi San to pass her by. Only then can she choose to live a free life, full of choices, which was all she had wanted until she fell in love with him.

While watching LLTG, my emotions mirrored those I endured through TRS. Both dramas force you to get to know the female lead as someone who wants to be herself, a baffling idea in the face of a society where women's primary identities are those associating them with someone else: daughters, wives, sisters, mothers. Yet she continues to harbor hope that she can control her own life, even as she falls in love with a man whose station will certainly snuff out that possibility. The saving grace in LLTG is that Zisheng is not a part of the royal family, and even then Shaoshang goes through her fair share of frustration. TRS on the other hand...even if you haven't seen it, you can likely guess what happens.

The biggest tragedy in TRS is not that Deok-Im dies young. It's the despair that trickles through every part of you as she transforms from a free-spirited, boisterous young woman into an obedient consort whose every word and movement is straight out of the books of etiquette, who isn't permitted her own feelings or thoughts in the face of the country's interests. History may not share the specifics behind how the consort actually died, but the drama all but tells you that depression played a major role. By the end of the drama, Deok-Im hasn't existed for a while. She dies as Royal Noble Consort Ui.

I wonder what I have gained by being in this place, and what I have lost.

I cry inconsolably whenever I see this expression of acceptance and resignation on her face as she sends off her friends and her former self, knowing full well that she has caged herself into a life of sadness so she can be with the one she loves—a man whose first priority can never be her.

But oh, no; our suffering doesn't end there. Yi San lives on after her, looking after his country while carrying the lingering pain of Deok-Im's death. At one point, he retrieves her belongings and appears stunned by her gungnyeo clothing:

It is so small. Were you always so small? Yet, I loved you.

In Yi San’s memory, Deok-Im was a person of great stature. What she may have lacked in social position, she more than made up for in personality. Her tenacity made her appear so strong that only in hindsight does Yi San understand just how vulnerable she was.

Yi San is also someone to be pitied. When we watch palace dramas, it's easy to say that the king's consorts have it far worse than the king. They fight over a man in order to survive, and arguably their sacrifices are greater in number and magnitude. But it's egregious to host a competition of suffering, and you can't deny that Yi San himself leads an unfortunate life. In the cold isolation of the palace, Deok-Im gives him warmth and company. It's no wonder that he wishes to have her by his side, but he is still willing to let her go when she pushes him away.

Almost every other palace drama would have you turning up your nose at the king or emperor's so-called "love" for one of the women in his harem. TRS leaves no room for such doubt. The throne takes away Yi San's ability to choose, and ultimately his ability to wholeheartedly love someone. Even so, Yi San holds Deok-Im so dear that you might want to blame him for how she ends up, but it's hard. Really, really hard. (For anyone interested and who hasn't already, I highly recommend reading the actual history behind this drama. Dude was so in love that it physically hurts.)

In the final scene, he reunites with Deok-Im in the afterlife. At last, they are together and without all the frills and chains of royalty tying them down.

Many years have passed, and at times, I was not certain myself. Do I truly miss you, or do I simply glorify the past? Now I know. I missed you, and I missed the time that I spent with you. [...] Now I understand that we do not have much time. And we do not have the luxury to wait. So, love me. Please. Love me.

I'm always scared to watch the last episode because I just spend the full hour and a half bawling until I can't breathe. Taking these few screenshots was truly a test of my entire being.

So what makes a good tragedy? Tragedy is not "bad things happen." It's "bad things may have happened, but I wouldn't have chosen any differently." When Deok-Im becomes Yi San's consort, it isn't because he keeps her there. She chooses to stay. She loves the prospect of freedom, but she just loves Yi San more. It's awful, it hurts, and it's perfect.

What could have been

We've taken a slight detour, but have at last arrived back at the topic of: how should LLTG have ended?

If given the choice between Shaoshang and Zisheng being together and them not being together, I would obviously choose the former while beating the latter into a permanent nonexistence. With any degree of empathy, you can't watch two people suffer as Shaoshang and Zisheng do, then turn around and wish for their continued misfortune and loneliness. So although I'll concede that it would have easily made for a fantastic tragedy like TRS, I can't bear to say that it should have been one. But if the writers want to go for the non-obvious happy ending, it still has to follow the progression of things.

The current problem is this: Zisheng abandoned Shaoshang and scorned her trust in him. We're now in a position where Shaoshang has the decisive say in whether the relationship can be revived.

LLTG's primary focus has always been Shaoshang. Though multifaceted, her personality and motivations are pretty straightforward. Each time she suffers is a result of her lack of agency. She had no choice in her parents leaving her as an infant, no choice in her poor upbringing, no choice in agreeing to marry Zisheng. Even when she gave up Lou Yao, was that truly a result of her volition alone? For someone whose greatest enemy is helplessness, what matters most is maintaining her own free will.

Through this lens, each time Shaoshang asks Zisheng if he has something to tell her, not only is she asking him to trust in her as his equal, she wants him to let her decide to stay with him. Zisheng turning her away scars her so deeply because it's the same thing as telling her, "I don't care what you want to do." He's drawing a line while taking away from her the power to choose—the one thing she's told him repeatedly matters to her.

SS: I used to hate you for abandoning me. I hated that you acted on your own. I hated that you would rather leap from a cliff than walk alongside me. I hated that I loved you so truly, whereas you told me lie after lie. It has been five years. It was not easy to let go of all of this. I can no longer give away my heart or trust again. ZS: I am sorry. Regardless of what choice you make, I will respect it. These last few years in the Northwest, not a day went by where I was not filled with remorse. I know you. I knew completely that you feared being abandoned. Yet I still chose to harm you in the way that would hurt you the most. In the first twenty years of my life, I lived in hatred. And for the rest of my life, I will live in remorse. If I could, I would tear my heart from my chest to show you. But I know I no longer have that right.

"A married couple exists as one entity." Such is what the drama emphasizes time and again, but what does that mean? Not that one party is in automatic agreement with the other. It's about learning to reach compromises and understanding what's important to the other person. When you don't give your partner their say in that conversation, then what relationship is there to be had?

That is why Shaoshang's unwavering desire for individual opinion matters even more after entering a relationship, and why she still struggles to come to terms with what Zisheng has done. She doesn't blame him. She doesn't want him to beg for forgiveness. After everything she's been through, she just can't put herself in the same vulnerable position again. And he's learned to fully respect her opinion, which means that he has to let her go.

TRS's ending works for the simple reason that it remains true to the characters and their motivations. The tragedy isn't there to make us sad, it's just where the story was always going to find itself. This is why we as viewers hate the ending, but we wouldn't have wanted it written any other way—to do so would be betraying Deok-Im and Yi San.

But when you look LLTG, it gives you a very weak argument for Shaoshang and Zisheng's reconciliation. In front of you are two people whose love for one another could not run any deeper, yet there are legitimate obstacles to their relationship. Shaoshang needs to relearn trust and feel respected. Zisheng's conflict mimics that of Yi San's; as much as he may regret the past, there is nothing about it that can be changed. That regret is something that has to be addressed. (Of course, in Yi San's case, that was addressed through his death. So maybe not that for Zisheng, if you please.)

I can see where the writers attempt to cure Zisheng's remorse, but come on now. They stage a bizarre speech for him where he denounces his previous actions, like a child being punished by his parents and being forced to write a 200-word essay reflecting on his wrongdoings, and while they're being held in the most asinine hostage situation ever known to man. He seriously proclaims that he should have walked the honorable path instead of opting for vigilante justice.

This entire scene was a nauseating roller coaster, but that last part threw me for a major loop. Sir, the only reason you can say that so shamelessly is because your soon-to-be wife found evidence after you killed the guy. Are you really going to stand there with a straight face as you tell me that you regret how you killed the man who you watched murder your father, and who brought about the horrific deaths of your entire family? There was no other option at the time. Of course you had to kill him. It was as much a personal vendetta as it was political. No one likes what happened after that, but those are consequences that should be dealt with separately. Also, Shaoshang's qualms aren't rooted in you killing the guy, they're rooted in you killing him and then trying to kill yourself, all without taking her desires into consideration.

And just as I was thinking the above, the next thing that happened on-screen: Shaoshang turns to him with an expression that says, ah, so he's learned his lesson! Oh...my goodness.

Hi, ma'am? Question. What exactly is more emotionally persuasive about this weird declaration now than when he laid his heart out that night when you wished one another well and said goodbye? Is it because he almost explodes afterward? In the five years he spent out on the battlefield, was he not always in danger of exploding, or being stabbed, or being tortured to death, etc.? Did he not almost die saving you from falling off a cliff two days prior? Why didn't you waver then, especially since it should remind you of, you know, the other time that he jumped off a cliff?

During the scene where she runs to him after discovering he miraculously is not dead, a severe suspicion came over me that perhaps they inhaled so much smoke that they were no longer thinking straight.

A solid happy ending was clearly a possibility. Even if they wanted to go with the above nonsense, could we not also have had a moment where they admit to one another that while overcoming their pain will be difficult at first, being apart from one another for eternity would be much more painful? That nothing in life is easy, but it will be easier with each other? That that commitment is what makes a married couple a single entity, and they just want to commit to each other? Then they can go off and save China, whatever.

They deserved an ending that had me rejoicing that these two are finally, finally, finally on the same wavelength. It should have been more introspective and more considerate of Shaoshang's hurt and Zisheng's regret. Their psychological wounds are instead dismissed through an absurd monologue in a basement and the arbitrary realization that death is lurking around every corner.

The hilarious part is that in the last two episodes, even the actors are noticeably less enthusiastic. In their performances, I see essences of how I feel when a client requests edits to a design that will make it significantly uglier. You gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

Sigh. I could forever grieve what could have been, but this is still one of my favorite dramas. Characters that feel like real people, relationships that make your heart hurt. Those should be common sense in media but are hard to come by in reality, and I'll continue to appreciate what LLTG gave me.

All I really want from the drama industry is for it to please, for the love of our collective sanities, stop thinking that "happy" endings are a valid shortcut to satiating an audience. Good tragic endings are difficult to write, yes, but good happy endings are not any easier. To underestimate that is to let down the story and characters that were so painstakingly brought to life in the first place.

[reviseleviathan]

So now that we’re super close to the end of Third Beat (and in particular have passed balcony which I was always going to have Thoughts about the adaptation of), I’m putting to text some thoughts I’ve had (positive and some a little negative) about Third Beat’s adaptation choices with both 28-29 and overall with Momo and a little bit with Yuki over the course of the season. There’s some stuff that had to be missed/skipped out on due to time constraints, which I do understand, but I do think some of it is really good to know so you could also consider this a bit of a shorthand crash course on stuff that’s a bit different for anime-onlies who are curious how things went down in the game. That said, I always rec reading the game story if you have time because a lot of Re:vale’s shenanigans have to get cut for time in the anime; Part 2 to Part 3 Chapter 10 and the rest of Part 3 were both done by translators on Tumblr. Dodge Part 3 Chapter 20 until next week if you don’t want spoilers and you’re all good. With that said, on to the ~meta~

Episode 28-29 -The anime has Yuki realise who Momo went to talk to exclusively because he overheard it on the phone. In the game, Yuki overhears the conversation and discusses with Momo that it might be a trap. This is actually where Yuki’s “Some people are irredeemable” speech initially happens - the anime intercut it with the slap scene, which I actually really enjoyed as a time-preserving choice, since it is relevant to that conversation as well, but also comes at the cost of some of the lines that were originally in the slap scene. Overall, the changes made sense but the cut elements do make it more obvious that Momo knows meeting Touma is risky even if Touma himself means him no harm. -This second point is probably the single biggest change from the game - there’s an entire cut interaction between Momo and Ryou before Ryou leaves Momo’s apartment, where Ryou has watched Momo have the first few drinks forced on him but decided it’s time to leave before he gets caught at the scene of the crime. Probably best known among the fandom for Momo basically telling Ryou to get fucked in a drunk candid moment before backtracking and fake sucking up to him instead, it makes one thing very clear that the anime doesn’t: that Momo ultimately stops Ryou from outing the twins by tricking him into thinking he and Yuki have a retaliation in place already. The anime does not touch on this at all, and while Ryuu’s intervention spares Momo and Yuki, there’s minimal explanation of why Ryou wouldn’t go after the twins regardless after that encounter, especially since he’s so pissed off with Ryuu. This is the explanation for it - that Momo manages to seamlessly lie to him that they’ve got insurance for if it happens despite him literally only finding out about it a few minutes before Ryou showed up to crash his and Touma’s meeting. Given time constraints I can see why they cut this scene, but it is a real shame considering it’s one last moment of Momo getting one over on Ryou even under threat of imminent death. -Another fairly major change but one I think was handled pretty well was that in the hostage scene after Yuki’s arrival, Yuki was the hostage, not Momo. The initial part proceeds similarly - Momo hits one of the suits and tells Yuki to run, but then is hit back - however, in the game what happens while Momo is incapacitated for those few seconds is that one of them grabs Yuki and then smashes the bottle to hold him hostage with. I can kind of understand why they changed this for visual reasons: there’s a certain level of comedy to Momo’s reactions to Yuki’s bluff, and I think the animators realised that if Momo was reacting That Obviously confused about Yuki’s claims of being strong enough to hospitalise 30 people within line of sight of the suits, it’d be rather easy to tell Yuki was bullshitting. Having him facing Yuki allows those reactions in a position where the suits can’t see his face and makes the comedy/tension interplay more effective. My one reservation here is that it’s made abundantly clear in just about every I7 media that Momo is extremely strong - the game implies that there’s a third suit involved in Momo’s capture and they’re still struggling with him when he’s at such a severe disadvantage, which Yuki even points out in the game as part of his bluff (implying that Yuki’s mention at the door that Momo wouldn’t dare hit him means he’s stronger than the already very strong Momo). Given the anime switched the alcohol used for this scene from cheap sake or at least cheap generic alcohol to spirits, I can buy that Momo’s lack of effective resistance as a hostage here is because the sheer amount of alcohol in his system is catching up to him, but it does kind of stand out when by all rights of what we’ve seen him do (particularly when Yuki is endangered), they should not be having such an easy time holding him back. -Due to the switch in hostage, the anime skips Yuki almost collapsing out of the fear he had to hide once he’s released and the suits leave, and Momo coming to fuss over and compliment him before Yuki slaps him. If anyone felt that Yuki slapping Momo a new one Literally Immediately felt a bit abrupt, that’s why. I assume Yuki did check on Momo prior to this because when Momo’s dropped in the anime he’s closer to the bookshelf, whereas the argument happens in front of his window, it was just another sacrifice to the accursed 24 minute episode length gods. There were also some extra comedic lines to this scene after Momo’s “Wow, you’re really pissing me off”, including Yuki explicitly suggesting they settle the argument with their fists and Momo saying he’ll still K.O. Yuki despite being so drunk he can barely stand up. why are u both like this yuki you know momo could win a fight against you just by sitting on you or picking you up Third Beat overall -There’s one factor in the adaptation in regards to Momo that I really have to talk about because I’ve seen it have bearing on how people interpreted certain events or Momo himself - the anime cut a lot of Momo’s more savage, dry, or biting lines to people during Third Beat. Momo’s actually quite wry and sharp-tongued, particularly when he’s losing patience with someone but also just when he’s poking fun - he joins in on a few of Banri’s roasts on Yuki during the game version of the bar scene (which was also several chapters earlier in the game). However, the bigger impact I’ve seen with this was with the framing of Ryou and  Momo’s interactions in the first cour. While the dynamic is still highly toxic and demonstrates Ryou having a massive level of entitlement towards Momo, who by that point is mainly appeasing him because he’s a useful contact with information he needs, Momo gives back as good as he gets in pretty much every one of their scenes in ways that the anime largely tones down or removes. One particular example that can definitely affect the reading of their dynamic is Momo’s departure after disclosing Re:vale’s backstory in an attempt to tap into what little empathy Ryou might have - in the anime, he mostly seems sad and resigned, which I’ve seen at least a few people read as Momo being some sort of naive uwu who never realised what kind of person Ryou was. In the game, Ryou suggests that Momo stay over because he’s had a few to drink, and Momo (cw: emeto reference) drops by far one of my favourite of his bitter, wry roasts in the game: “I’m gonna puke at the entrance and leave. Thanks for having me over.” Momo is much more jaded about the number of untrustworthy people in the industry and how he has to handle his industry interactions than the anime tends to get into, and by the end of things with Ryou, there is a bitterness and irritation with him that comes across abundantly clearly even before Momo lets it all out on him during balcony. While Momo is willing to give people a chance in many situations where it may not feel deserved, he is not naive and he is not unaware that Ryou is a dangerous, twisted person even when he reveals Re:vale’s story. It’s a last-ditch effort to demonstrate how flawed the image Ryou has of idols is and stop his behaviour from escalating, because he knows if he’s going to draw any emotion out of the man then he has to dig as deep as possible - and he has to make it something personal, because as twisted as it is, Ryou’s consideration of Momo as a “friend” provides that tiny, tiny chance that he might respond to his feelings. Unfortunately, at that point Momo is unaware that Ryou considers the Yamato incident Momo’s second betrayal of him, and a lesser one than the first “betrayal” that’s revealed during the balcony scene, so it comes to nothing. As you can probably tell, I have a lot of thoughts about this particular adaptation choice, but tl;dr I highly recommend you read the game if you’re a Momo fan, because he’s actually kind of a fuckin savage on the regular and the game tends to make it clearer that he’s quite possibly the most dangerous person in the main cast if he has reason to be. Even people who are prepared to make an enemy of Ryou hesitate at the idea of making an enemy of Momo. -This isn’t really just a Third Beat thing but public service announcement for yukimomo enjoyers: you think they act romantic in the anime? The anime cuts a substantial amount of their flirting for time, since it’s essentially characterisation fluff and that’s always first on the chopping block. Want to see Momo talk about spicing up the relationship by wearing underwear with Yuki’s face on it, grumble about how Yuki’s handsome even when he’s mouthing off, call him a high class gentleman and a sexy icon that no other man in the world could hold a candle to? Want to see Yuki talk about how Momo begging steered the course of his life and the general implication surrounding the Re:vale backstory drop that Yuki, in a sense, also considers Momo a god or at least a gift from the gods to keep him going with his love for his music? Read the game. Also read the rabbitchats if you have time - these are the stories/conversations that come with cards in the game and the Re:vale ones always have at least one moment of pure, concentrated homosexual agenda per chat, but usually more. The Silver Sky bonus chats in particular, which take place post-Part 2/Second Beat, are foundational yukimomo content where you can learn such magical secrets as how Momo used to just kinda kidnap Yuki places while he was sleeping (feat. Momo’s fantasies about capturing and brainwashing Yuki that are discussed in multiple rabbitchats because momo why are you broadcasting this in groupchats you degenerate /affectionate), the fact that Yuki actually pierced Momo’s and his own ears to help get over his fear of sharp objects enough to cook again, and Banri’s thoughts on current Re:vale feat. him describing them both as feral. anyway if you read this far i appreciate you i just had to get these words out somewhere

[duhragonball]

Super Dragon Ball Heroes 21-24

tfw probably something is bad happening right now.

This is the “Universe Creation” arc of SDBH, which features more of the Time Patrol than what we’ve seen in the first 19 episodes.  I’m guessing that’s why the Episode 20 special was made, so viewers would recognize characters like Chronoa and Xeno Pan when they showed up here.  Anyway, the story begins with the Divine Tokitoki Bird going missing.  Chronoa’s main duty as the Supreme Kai of Time is to look after the bird, so she mobilizes the Time Patrol to find him.  Unfortunately, the Time Patrol in this show is just six people. 

Turns out, the bird is on Earth, and he shows up right where Goku and the boys are training or whatever.  Moments like these feel like something out of a teenager’s fanfic.  Like, here’s all the characters I wanted in my story, and I just plopped them all in Bulma’s backyard and they’re sparring because why not.  Then the plot device shows up right in front of them, two seconds after it went missing.  Like, don’t even try to make this feel natural, we’ve got to get this thing moving.

Trunks and Pan arrive next and find Tokitoki, which would seem to make this a really dull story.  The only tension is that most of the characters are confused about Trunks being different from the version we’ve seen in the first 19 episodes.  Vegeta explains that it’s an alternate Trunks from a “different dimension”, like the Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta they encountered on the Prison Planet.  Vegeta also says that they’ve met this version of Trunks before, but he never elaborates.  So why is Xeno Trunks confused, then? Also, why doesn’t anyone ask about Xeno Pan?  You’d think she’d raise some interesting questions.

Then all twelve Gods of Destruction show up.  Overkill much?  They’re here to destroy Tokitoki.

Beerus fires a hakai blast, but Tokitoki just blows it away with his wings.  “You came here to kill me, catboy?  You better make it count.  Better finish me in one shot.  What’s wrong?  I’m right here.  Come and get this work.”

Beerus explains that he had a premonition of a mysterious bird appearing in Universe 7 to destroy the entire multiverse.  And Tokitoki’s a bird, and this is Universe 7, so it sure seems like Tokitoki’s been caught red-handed of the imaginary crime that Beerus saw in a dream.  Yessir. 

I’m not even sure why Beerus is explaining himself.  Look, he came here to destroy Tokitoki.  So let him do it.  No, Trunks, don’t bother defending the bird.  He can fight his own battles.  Go kill him, Beerus.  He’s not going anywhere.  You and your eleven pals, go destroy him.  All at once.  Unless you’re all a bunch of punk-ass bitches.  No, that couldn’t be it. 

They don’t do a damn thing, and then Tokitoki just nopes out and leaves.  Then they all find their missing spines, and when they realize they can’t follow Tokitoki because they can’t sense his energy, they decide to destroy the Earth for aiding and abetting Tokitoki.  What a clownshow these guys are.  Maybe Hearts couldn’t have killed Grand Zeno, but he probably would have made short work out of these idiots. 

But Beerus tells them to hold off, since this is his universe.  He’ll handle things, and so Goku and the others conclude that their only chance is to fight Beerus.

Meanwhile, Fu watches on, joined by his new pal, Dogidogi.  He’s like a fake evil version of Tokitoki, I guess.

So the gang on Earth fights Beerus for a bit, and then Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta show up and warn them about something more important happening right now. 

These creepy roots are spreading across the skies of Earth, and they’re draining the planet’s energy.  The Gods of Destruction turn their senses to their own universes and find that the same thing is happening to every planet everywhere.  So they withdraw to look after their home territories.

Then Fu and Dogidogi show up, and Beerus realizes that Dogidogi is the “bird of catastrophe” from his premonition. Fu explains that the Universe Seed Hearts used in the last arc has now germinated into a cosmic tree, and it’s drawing energy from the twelve universes. 

Vegeta correctly deduces that Hearts was an unwitting catspaw in Fu’s plan.  Hearts sought to use the Universe Seed as a weapon, but Fu wanted to see the seed grow.

Fu’s objective is to create a new universe.  I’m not sure if the tree will become a universe, or maybe the tree will produce a new universe like some kind of fruit.  All that really matters is that his plan depends on the tree draining all the other universes, which the good guys can’t allow.

Fu leaves, and some of the gang begin to grow weak from the tree’s effects, so Beerus uses his own power to blunt the effects.  However, he can’t keep this up for long, so he’s counting on the others to resolve this crisis.

Meanwhile, Fu has a conference with his own team of guys.  One of them is his mom, Towa, although she doesn’t say or do anything here, so I’m not sure what to make of this. 

So this is your standard group of movie villains and GT castoffs.  We have Super 17, Bojack, uh... some guy in a labcoat...

... Turles, who literally takes a bite of his Tree of Might Fruit in every scene he’s in...

And fuckin’ Cooler’s back.  I guess he’s sticking with being on Fu’s team, not that he’s ever going to explain any of this.  Seriously, he’s been all over this show and yet he’s barely done anything.

Bojack picks a fight with Turles, because I guess he’s still sore with the Saiyans for his defeat in Movie 9, but Turles is no pushover.  Anyway, Fu convinces them to stand down, explaining that he plucked each of them from the moments right before Goku and the others defeated them, all so they could join Fu’s team and get a second chance at life in the new universe Fu is creating.  The prospect seems to be enough to convince Bojack and Turles to get along. 

I kind of want to go off on a tangent about this particular selection of Movie villains, but I should probably hold off, since there’s still a few more that will show up before this is over. 

So the good guys basically split up into two groups.  Xeno Trunks and Xeno Pan go with Goku and Vegeta, while Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta go off on their own.  Trunks’ group ends up in... some place, where they get ambushed by Bojack and Turles.  Yeah, there’s a pretty sharp decline in animation quality here.  I feel bad for Bojack fans. 

Meanwhile, Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta go to hell, where they meet a mysterious contact who summoned them here.  It turns out to be this scientist guy from Fu’s team, and all he wants to do is fight them.

Okay, so this dude refers to himself as “Dr. W,” and all he really does is swing that big metal thing on his right hand, which shoots energy blasts that move in unpredictable paths.  All he really wants to do is to analyze and record the boys’ fighting styles with his cybernetic eyepiece. 

I’m pretty sure this guy is supposed to be Dr. Wheelo from DBZ Movie 2, but for some reason Toei or Bandai wanted to swap out the brain-in-a-robot-body design with this version.  Did Fu supply him with a new body?  Or is this not the Wheelo we knew from Movie 2?   I’m pretty sure these questions never get answered.  It really doesn’t matter, because this fight sucks, and either this guy is Wheelo, or he’s not.  If he is Dr. Wheelo, then he sucks for being Dr. Wheelo, because I hate Movie 2.  If he’s not Dr. Wheelo, then he’s just some rando they stuck in this show for no reason, which is pretty dumb. 

Anyway, Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta fight the guy at Super Saiyan 3 and get nowhere.

So they turn Super Saiyan 4 and shoot their big energy beams at him, but they have no effect. 

In the other place, Dogidogi uses his powers to paralyze the good guys, which allows Fu to capture Tokitoki and escape.

Not sure what it says about Fu that he can subdue Tokitoki when Beerus seemed to be powerless against him.   Oh well.

In Hell, Dr. W escapes Goku and Vegeta and heads for a broken down machine in a cell.  He announces that he has collected all the data he needs on Goku and Vegeta, and will now input it into the person he’s speaking to...

... Janemba.  So I guess that machine there is the spirit cleanser machine that broke down in Movie 12.  How would Dr. W be able to share his data files with Janemba?  How would he even know how to do this?  Did Fu already recruit Janemba, or did he send Dr. W down here with instructions for reactivating him?  I don’t get it. 

Okay, so let’s talk about the movie villains.  Assuming Dr. W is Wheelo, we’re missing the following classic Z movie bad guys:

Garlic Junior

Lord Slug

Android 13

Z-Broly

Bio-Broly

Hirudegarn

Does that mean anything?  I feel like Lord Slug gets to be involved in these things more often.  He was in the Hatchiyack OVA, for example.  They usually pass over Garlic and Wheelo, and I always assumed this was because they weren’t popular enough to be worth the effort.  Z-Broly’s kind of too big for this sort of thing, and Bio-Broly flat out sucks, so no mystery there.  Hirudegarn is kind of difficult because he’s a rampaging beast, so he doesn’t fit with the whole henchman thing.  As for Android 13, well, maybe Toei decided they liked Super 17 better, and they didn’t want two androids on the team. 

Anyway, this whole story makes no friggin’ sense.  You can just grow universes from seeds now and Fu is making a new universe off the corpses of the old universes, and not even the Gods of Destruction can stop it.  Even accepting all of this, wouldn’t this be a job for the Grand Zenos?  I mean, it’s clearly too big for anyone else to handle, and if Fu gets his way, the entire multiverse dies.  You’d think that would warrant some attention.

[jtl07]

jt (finally) watches warrior nun - s1 e9 (pt 1)

Started slowly making my way through e9 but I wanted to post really quickly about Beatrice’s “Trust your team” line to Ava - because I never knew the context!

First of all, it’s amusing to me that though Mary at first refused to give Ava her ring (I’m assuming Mary is who Ava got it from?) because she didn’t want to “catch heat from Beatrice,” it’s Ava who was the center of Beatrice’s scolding.

Second and mostly, complete empathy for Ava: here she is, given a chance to really be part of the team, to have trained for her part, and just so eager to help (there’s a bunch of times when she’s grinning and wiggling with excitement - though, sidenote, I’m not sure if the moment ~5:20 when they first enter the security room if she’s supposed to be smiling; it looks like Alba’s trying to hold back a laugh? idk it’s cute either way)

Sorry got sidetracked by Alba’s smile - what I’m trying to say is that Ava’s so eager to do the thing! But her role is literally to be chauffeured around and protected so that she can use the halo to phase into the tomb. After all that she’s been through so far, to be ordered to just hang back? That has to suck.

But it also makes me love that line even more. Because Beatrice doesn’t say something like “Do what you’re told” or “Stop messing up the plan” - she tells Ava to trust. Which has been the hardest thing, yes, but also in the context of an elite military-esque team, it’s interesting.

Because Ava hasn’t been part of a team like this - hasn’t been part of a team at all, really. She’s been an army of one, she has no idea how an actual elite army works - how trust works in a team like this. Because “trust your team” has an unspoken “because your team is trusting you” - everyone has their role, and everyone is expected, is being trusted, to play that role. Additionally, in an elite team like this (or any elite team of any sort really), there’s a trust that if something goes wrong, you’ll be able to figure it out. And if you try to adjust but it still doesn’t work, there’s a trust that you’ll communicate that, so that the team can help or make adjustments, etc.

Which is all things Ava has not had experience with at all. She’s barely built any trust with these folks - and vice versa. How can she trust that they’ll protect her if she’s not involved in the protecting? So she falls back on doing more, being useful. And maybe that’s why Beatrice takes gives an instructor type of lecture (instead of, say, a dictator doling out punishment) - because she recognizes what Ava’s doing because she does the same thing. They do it in different ways: Beatrice does what she’s told to the most perfect letter and prepares 20 steps afterward along with a dozen of contingency plans, whereas Ava tries to jump in and do whatever needs doing, even if she’s not the most competent at it.

It’s remarkable how that line lowers the tension while also impressing upon Ava how important her role is - that yes, it sucks not to be able to do anything, but be patient and trust because your role is just as important; it’s just not now. In a way it’s somewhat like a plea, an entreaty - it’s just as much a request as it is a command. idk I just find it so interesting how Beatrice is always riding that line with Ava, and how Ava responds to that.

Okay that’s my first thought for now - we’ll see how long it takes for me to actually finish the episode lol

[genderlesssinner]

Alright nerds I'm back

Here we go with 108

SAMUEL we are 3 minutes into this episode. Holy shit.

Some weird shit going on with the gaurds okay okay

It's Ira isn't it

He's so creepy and I love it

How did no one react to "tying up daddy and gagging him" holy shit Tal

Sometimes I love watching with subtitles for the description of their fuckery. [Batman's Bane nonsense]

Ashton hold on what do you mean by take care of this

7th fucking level Psychic Lance woof. Talk about burn all your stuff

Yeah no he ded

Well this could go so poorly

"Did this just completely backfire?" Yes yes it did

Okay okay maybe we're not totally fucked

Hopefully Nana can help. Okay so gonna have some flying groups? I def agree that Nana should meet up in case Gloamglut does come back

An hour, short rest it up bitches

I can't help but picture the temple put back together with gold in the cracks, like that one method of fixing pottery

The 'play' idea isn't a bad idea I just don't know if these chucklefucks can pull it off

I love Robbie so much. Gaes is a badass spell when it works and I also do not know how tf to pronounce it

They've been talking for like 20 minutes and I still don't know what they're doing great job guys

"You knocked him out. I just wanted them to do the scene." beautiful

Oh my god.

Ash playing director for these idiot is hilarious

Oh fuck okay well shit Zathuda is gone okay okay okay but Laudna knows where he is

Back in initiative and everyone is tapped or close to it,,,, grrreaaat

Get his ass Chet he can't have many hit points

Yeeeep there's the dragon

Okay if they *just* got the short rest Nana should be here soon RIGHT??

Oooh shit okay Zathuda is dead um this is gonna have consequences Gloamglut is bout to be real mad I bet

Yeah mhm okay

Yes Fearne get the dragon GET YOUR PONY BOO

Ashley just became Mister for a second 😂😂

This could be good or it could make it worse

Oh no he saaaddd 🥺

Dorian is like nope not ready for the dragon

Yeessss Fearnie

The little guys are gonna have shaken baby syndrome from being in the dragon's hands while he's flying

Come on, horse girl!

Break! We have a fucken dragon boys. For the moment, anyway.

Back into it - flying to Nana's

Ooh interesting Gloamglut doesn't wanna land at Morri's

Oop Nana put Gloamglut on a leash

What does the Loom do what. Nana.

I definitely think they should ask Zathuda some things. They could ask about bonding to Gloamglut and also about moon stuff

Ooohhh Nana really has it for Ira huh. Spooky

I wanna see the Loom. That did not answer any questions.

This should be interesting and maybe (likely) scary

Mhmhm gruesome but also cool af

Ashley and Marisha grinning while everyone else is in various stages of horror is great

Okay look I get them checking in with Fearne vecause the guy was her father.. But like. She didn't really know him. Like someone said a bit ago, he was her father, not her dad. And yes she's lost the opportunity to know him but it's not like she lost a parent that raised her.

"It's not as nice as yours" Jesus Braius

Fearnie getting feral on us hm

Oh Ashton my love. We know you have parental issues hun.

"Are you okay Matt?" "I'm fine."

Are. Are we sure Matt's okay? (joking, mainly but like damn creepy shit this ep yall)

✨ Generational trauma ✨

I'm worried about what this conversation is gonna mean for Ashton a little bit honestly though they've had one hell of a look this whole time

Ah here's the good stuff. So something about Ruidusborn, particularly the strongest Exultants, can unlock magic similar to the Divine Gate?? The implications

"I wish I had more empathy." "You *are* my daughter." oof

Ooo a hemocraft ritual for the dragon?? Up your game Chet

Failure brings an eternal enemy, no pressure

Exaltants disappearing?? Uh oh. Maybe Ludinus has a Version 2 of the funnel thing

Oooooh maybe he's throwing them at the Gate holding Predathos eesh

Oh my god maattttt the Misty Step

DORIAN DID YOU LEAVE THE EMISSARY OUTSIDE

Okay okay Nana got this

I would now be like side eyeing all of the ...everything in Nana's place. Especially if it still has a face. Eugh.

THANK YOU LAUDNA for actually checking in with my boy. Orym is being so strong for everyone all the time 😭

Are Fearne and Ash gonna cuddle the dragon? I love this

Ooohhh Doriaaannnn same though

Oh man okay blow all the spell slots Laudy

This is fucking insane what even

Oop he's a tree okay

Several Ludinuses slapping him for several minutes, wonderful

These fucken rolls tonight damn

Oo using the spirit horse awesome awesome

Orym's speech and Ash leaving like that ajxbjdv

I have lots of feelings but no words for them

Now I want them to take Laudna back to the Vasselheim temple for some lake of blood action

Robbiiiieeee damn 'if a god can see the future.. I would imagine the one you can't see is the one where the gods come to an end.'

Oryyym an Doriaaannnn 😭😭 boooyyssss

Look at that, character growth. Ash left instead of starting shit

Oo okay Braius oh wait shit okay which god

Chase the rest away. So the betrayers would stay?? That's *bad* yall

SAMUEL

Braius is bout to get some Nana and I don't know how to feel about it

MILF Manor : Morri I'd like to Fuck. Oh my god

Cursed demon armor

Bet you if you fail the save it stays

Bompers. Wild.

Oooohhhhhh Gloamglut just saaaddd but he seems thankful that Fearne plans to let him go free

Aww he's a good booyyyyyyyy

I love Fearne and Ashton's interactions so much aaaaaaaa

Horror cozy that's totally an aesthetic isn't it

♥️♥️♥️

And that’s it guys. These posts are so long but I normally don't have a good place for a page break.. Eesh. I just have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about these idiots we love so much. But also like sometimes I forget I'm supposed to be doing this and I just zone out and listen to them and then I'm like fuck I had a Thought and didn't write it down damn..