#i get too emotional over these two
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A ko-fi request for a Bumbleby wedding outfits design! Thank you for the support! <3 This was an incredibly fun prompt! I pulled a bit of inspiration from Beauty and the Beast for their outfits, while putting a Bees spin on it. I absolutely adore how this one turned out.
As usual, do not reupload without credit/permission. Thank you folks!
(My Ko-fi, should you wish!)
#this might be my new favorite piece#I may have gotten a little emotional doing this#I simply love these two#getting to draw them happy and in love is my favorite activity#slowly but surely getting over my fear of drawing legs#tried a new skin rendering approach here too - quite like how it turned out!#rwby#bumbleby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#rwby fanart#kofi request#bees wedding#temp tats art
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So this tweet made a real good point and got me thinking about this scene:
As mentioned in their tweet, "you don't 'beg for mercy' for a job," and here he sounds so scared and desperate, like he's had to do this A LOT before with the directors and it's so... sad.
(more under the cut)
Before he finds out the truth about Eden, he believed they saved him from his former life and gave him new opportunities to continue his dreams, but do you think having to needlessly beg to keep your position as literally being the face of Eden out of fear you'll be replaced and thrown right back out to your old life is a so called dream come true?
Eden even made a trailer for a movie about his life to fame, showing how everyone was rejecting him as a person, which they definitely made it more simplified like I KNOW he was getting way worse treatment than what was shown.
My main point is that despite believing in Eden's motives (before knowing the truth), he still wasn't truly happy deep down. He was STILL getting rejected and slandered by society, and he knew that deep down, so it's not surprising how the possibility of him losing his job made him have a whole breakdown and do the things he did to try and cope.
He quite literally has no one to lean to and hasn't had anyone since showing up to Eden besides the directors (because he probably believed they were treating him fairly and with respect), but... yeah.
He wanted to make a difference, to give hope to hybrids, and he thought he was doing just that. Despite the way the directors and everyone thought of him, despite how alone he felt, he still thought he was achieving his dreams and sharing that onto others
and yet... he was being used this entire time. None of it was true, all the hard work and the things he went through was for nothing.
Everything that Eden has done, and he was the face of it all... it's just devastating.
#another one from my twitter#I've only been a fan of rayman overall for two weeks and now I'm sobbing over him this is a new record#shout out to that one analysis from raygirlramblings#it was because of your post that cemented my love for this character and almost had me cry and get too emotional at a library /pos /lh#captain laserhawk#rayman#cl rayman#cl ramon#captain laserhawk rayman#captain laserhawk ramon#analysis#OH AND ALSO I was watching the show with my sibling who then mentioned to me how rayman had probably been replaced before and#he's just one of the copies and MAN#I NEED ANSWERS GRAHHHHH#anywho if you're still reading this... thank you 🥺💖 and I hope you have a great day!
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I could definitely see Till getting angry at Ivan for what happened during Round 6 and choking him as some sort of payback.
Only for Till to be horrified by the realization that Ivan would just let him do it…
#till: ‘‘i’m so angry i want to kill you’’#ivan: ‘‘that’s fine with me as long as it’s you’’#till: wtf???#the power dynamic would be fascinating to see#till has had power/control over very little in his life#what would he think after learning how much influence he has over ivan? how would he act?#would he be disgusted (because he’d be no better than the alien owners)?#would he be honored (that someone cares and trusts him that much)?#would he be scared (a life is such a heavy responsibility)?#at the same time ivan is not without his own power#he knows till better than anyone#he knows how to push his buttons and get under his skin and get the reactions he wants#he knows that till is emotional and that the weight of ivan’s feelings might crush him if he confesses#oughhgh#i’ve once again failed to be normal about these two#ivan is still alive btw#this is not up for debate#alien stage#alnst#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#alien stage till#alnst till#alien stage round 6#alnst round 6#alien stage ivantill#alnst ivantill#ivantill#ivanttakethis shut up about ivan challenge: impossible#ivanttakethis talks too much
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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pax, it's 10 pm. pax, draw ticklish robots. "ok" i responded to the moth on my window
#robots#ocs#tickling#sfw tickling#<- it will always be sfw but just to reach people who don't want to wade through that Other Stuff#i cant call my robots AI anymore because tech bros have RUINED it for me#my art#PTCG#yeah yeah robots getting glitchy voices when they laugh too hard/get too emotional thats right we got it#they all just call the titular dream of PTCGD 'That Dream'#just realized i made THELMA's hair way bigger like im a steven universe artist .#drawn over the course of two nights which is why the URL is different for some reason
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Finding solace in you
#two hedgehogs who were born isolated that find comfort in each other#AAAAAAAAA#URGHHHH SOB#Sonic oc#Terios the Hedgehog#Silver the Hedgehog#they're very importants to me.#<3#'yeah im super normal about them i dont get too emotional over them'.#vs 'their pairing name would definitely be called silverios'#art from the den#artists on tumblr#sth
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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Last arcane episode ever..... here we fucking go....
#50 MINUTES YEAAAAHHH!! IM SO GLAD THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING LONGER THERE WAS NO WAY!!!#the last drop no..... YEEEEEEEEEEES EKKO!!!!!! OH MY GOOOOOD YEEEEEEEES always a dance with you OOOOOOOOHHHHH she even has the same hair 😭#is she gonna build the new zaun for isha.... like vander wanted for vi and powder.... 😭😭😭 with ekko 😭😭😭#watching jinx kill herself over and over is something else that was so funny.... im sorry but ajdkansk#WHATS WITH THOSE CUTS WHATS GOING ON.... WDYM WE ARE MEANT TO LOSE THIS FIGHT??? IN THE FUTURE HE SAW RIGHT???#OH ITS THAT GIRL VI IS CARRYING OMG BUT SHE IS LOOKING FOR JINX!!! NOOO SHE FUCKING DIEEED AMBESSA IS A BEAST!!! DID THEY GET CAIT???#VANDER NOOOO OOOH ITS VIKTOR TOO!!ITS OOOOOOVER maddie being there still..... a consensual workplace relationship... cait....#LORIS!!!! VIIIIIIIIIIIII caitlyn looks so good..... and vi too.... but did they run out of armors.... the guy who left his family DIED TOO!!#caitlyn that was so hot.... they got her.... MADDIE!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK I THOUGHT THAT WOULD NOT EEEEEVER HAPPEN!!! AK WITH HER OWN GUN!#OH MY GOD MEL!!! MADDIE EXECUTED FOR HER CRIMES!!!! i know people are cheering!!! JINX ON HER BLIMP!!! the egg was a distraction.....#jayce be ready for your divorce.... THE HALO!!! THE VOICE!!! his voiced softened when he said to see you omg... SEVIKA NOOOOOOOOO#cait and mel joining forces to maximize their joint (literal) slay against ambessa.... and vi and jinx vs vander.... cruel#beef squashed..... no way she died????? omg... we havent seen caits left side.... and she was bleeding.... one fear. VIKTOR IS SO TALL!!!#how does it feel to look up jayce.... also jinx saying they are always together 🥺🥺 they are flying again.... omg jinx looks so scared...#OH NOOOOOO SEE CAIT HURT HER EYEE viktor saying they want better lives but emotion clashes with reason after a season of just that.... omg#series thesis.... this is actually so meta if i may say so.... vander and silco.... jinx and vi and the rocket... cait and ambessa....#and finally jayce saving viktor.... and jayce searching for the arcane after he was saved as a kid.... all of it..... ALL OF IT....#THE BOY SAVIOR!!!! VIKTOR IS BACK!!!! HE WANTS HIS PARTNER BACK OMG#YES THE MAGE IS VIKTOR!!!! OH MY GOOOD!!! ONLY YOU CAN SHOW ME THIS! CAITVI FUCKED ON SCREEN AND SOMEHOW THIS IS GAYER!!!#JAYCE!!! YOU ARE ALRIGHT!!! EKKO MADE THAT WITH AN INVERSION OF JAYCES RUNE!! OF COURSE!!! THE WTO MEN AND THE ANOMALY!!!#they are literally adam and steve... VI OMG!!!! SHE CANT TAKE IT NOOOOOO JINX AND VANDER!!!! NOOOO EKKO ALONEEEE NOOOO#SEVIKA COUNCIL MEMBER!!! CAIT GAVE HER HER SEAT!!! AND SINGED AND HIS DAUGHTER!!! MEL WHAT THE HELL!!! BACK TO NOXUS???#caitlyn seeing that jinx escaped through the air ducts... yeah..... she is on that blimp#can you believe we ended arcane with two happy lesbians..... like everything went to hell jayce and viktor saved it and disappeared....#through it all one thing remained.. two lesbians in love <3 can we get an applause for two lesbians in love.... they made a band about this#(love of lesbian)#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#you know towards the end the characters looked a lot more like normal 3d animated... idk how to explain it
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it's time to get exceedingly emotional about the Sundering Seas theme on company time YET AGAIN.
#.ioana rambles#trop#otp: bind yourself to me#no but forreal I've got several essays in me about this season including one about Elrond that's been sitting in my drafts for weeks#I'm just too tired to type them out#This theme however is just so so special in my heart and bear mccreary owes me reparations for the emotional damage he inflicted on me#Something about how incredibly dramatic it is#you've got the storming sea in the desperate choir and the very first segment#Galadriel's motif as she sinks in the deep alone#And the way Halbrand's follows her#And then it builds the two of them up together - their two themes overlapped in the final crescendo#The two of them are at their best and most unhinged together and it's making me inordinately emotional#And nowhere is it more apparent than here#This theme encapsulates their characters SO well and it is HEARTBREAKING#I will get over my trop s1 feelings one day but today is not that day lol#I've been listening to rings reforged and rewatching my favourite episodes and it's just chef's kiss
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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i’ve been listening to/watching many (many, many) reactions to steven universe (because that’s what you do when you become newly obsessed with something. see what everyone else thinks about it and drive yourself mad) and it’s so interesting to see all the unique ways people tackle it and the common threads between them all.
there’s podcast recaps (pressure to over-analyze) vs youtube reactions (pressure to overreact). everyone knowing the show (yay) vs fans guiding newcomers (interesting) vs everybody being blind (often disastrous). don’t mind silly fun? they love the first season and amethyst’s character. told about how ~deep~ it gets and expecting only that? they love pearl and have to be dragged through the beginning. even how they chunk the episodes affects things—in watching episode-by-episode, people go the most mad as they try to squeeze meaning out of episodes they can’t yet appreciate until later (or are just. bad at analyses.). in chunks of two, people assume su will have much more horror after watching frybo and cat fingers back-to-back. and chunks of 5 are completely different too!
this only skims the surface. i can watch any episode of su and point out which jokes usually make people laugh, what people pick up on, and how their opinion of the situation reflects on whether they have mommy issues.
#steven universe#the ‘thats what you do’ comment was a joke ftr#i love seeing yt comments be filled with the same people btwn diff channels#bc i know they’re on my journey too!#the most popular one is s/orta stupid reacts bc they are quite intelligent and respectful#s/putnik’s spyglass is fun bc u can tell the reactor got truly invested!!#g/allifrey gals gets so emotional even at the ‘silly’ episodes they’re my favorite ;-;#s/pilling the milk is stupid humor. but they genuinely love the show and will defend it ALWAYS#(though it’s more apparent if you watch their uncut reactions and watch them wrangle twitch chat)#podcasts have been more disastrous for me.. the hyper-analysis format for newcomers not only sets up unfair expectations for the show#but also are almost always all over the place which is the podcasters’ decisions!!#they can talk about their personal lives! i’m listening to it all for free#(also it’s funny bc 99% of podcasters say how no one is watching them meanwhile im there. watching them.)#but it’s just not as enjoyable. also they tend to have really annoying opinions srry.#had to listen to two guys seriously discuss steven and amethyst as a ship. without mention of the age gap WTF?#and in another some guy said how ‘he can’t consider su best television if they keep having silly episodes’#acting all pretentious like know your genre smh#oh and podcasters tend to be guys so i have also listened to guys be like sadie and amethyst r so ugly :/#and ‘when will there be male gems i can’t relate to any of the characters if they’re all girls#oh there’s steven? he’s a fat kid though’#<-none of these are exaggerations it’s really painful#for podcasts i recommend ‘the b/its su podcast’! they’ve watched it all before and everyone’s queer so it’s all great :)#it’s still ongoing too#now i sound harsh on podcasts bc i don’t mention the bad yt reactions ive seen#(and i’ve seen them)#but idk there’s not many good reaction podcasts#now you may be reading this and think i’m writing wayy too much on the topic of reactions random ppl on the internet have for a show#and you’d be right. BUT i’m like those little kids that get frustrated when a movie has no interactability#i have to listen to people say the s1 finale was underwhelming as i scream in my head how they’re watching the wrong order bc h/bo max sucks#yes i have gone crazy. i truly mean it when i say i have watched and listened to SO MANY of these
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Theoretically, I knew organising funerals was a big, complicated thing. As reality is, I would very much like to run away screaming into a dark forest.
Edit: i'm a bit tipsy and the tags are full of typos. Don't pay attention.
#no because py grandfather died on Monday in the south west of france but he's being buried in the north east of the country#but we need to organize a ceremony in the town he's lived for 50 years before driving up north#so. died on monday. ceremony (religious) on friday. driving all night fri to saturday. burial on saturday.#and you have to organize every single aspect of every single event in every single location#when i compare to how we do things in morocco where people are buried no more than two hours after their death...#this is INSANE.#oh and also his body is at the house. his body is spending three days just being there in the house#i'm totally impassible and dead bodies don't bother me but my mother had a bit of a breakdown yesterday that was fun#anyway when can we be done i'm already over the whole thing i need to get back home#(i'm not being cold or callous i just don't see death - especially at 93yo - as a sad tragic thing)#(listen it would be too long to start explaining while i'm not crying or being heartbroken at the death of my grandfather who i lived with#for 4 years - i'm fine but the whole insanity of organising the ceremonies and the conflicting emotions of my mother and her siblings is...#rapha talks
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I hate when something sad happens and all I want is to go spend a week out in the country away from where I heard the bad news like somehow being away from home means the Bad Things can’t reach me. It’s literally just running away. I want to lay at the bottom of a moving river (not dead, not drowning, a secret third thing)
#venting and loathing#he had two days of being married. two.#I’m so tired and I keep getting these waves of anguish and anxiety and I can’t find music CHILL and SOOTHING enough everything is too FAST#my joints ache so much lately too. I feel dreadful.#sometimes I feel like I take my anguish and misery and out it and myself into a glass case. and then put that case in a public space.#isolated. but visible. I have such a hard time showing emotional pain around others (even and especially loved ones) that it just ends up#being like this. I’m leaving post it notes in the hallways of my blog.#in time I’ll find this post again maybe and I’ll cringe at my own vulnerable state and how I bled personal things all over my space.#my hip hurts so much. but I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.#I can’t give up today. because tomorrow might be the best day of my life.
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