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lovesickeros · 10 months

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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

#asks #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #yelan #furina #ei #THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE #NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE??????#tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen #anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it #to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses #also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍‍♂️#was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it #ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah #I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭#i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her #reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda #checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh #idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here #i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader #set them loose and see what chaos happens #just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off #i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like #full on drabbles

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utterdrip · 3 months

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astarion being so conscious about what a big weird fuckin group the tadpole’d are like yelling at them hands fluttering about

“we’re conspicuous enough as this merry band of freaks! can you! be normal!”

[hard cut to astarion panting over the possibility of killing some githyanki scouts]

#frankie posts #bg3 spoilers #hes the only one ive really noticed that says anything abt it #he says their group is conspicuous #and everyone in it is a weirdo #and says none of them act normal to begin with #hes like #okay ummmmm so we have the most influential duke’s disgraced son turned monster hunter turned devil #we have a coupla amnesiacs one of which who murders in their sleep and talks abt their sleep paralysis gremlin demon #and the other has the blind faith of an ordained cult member and gets punished for being Kind Of Nice with visceral searing pain #oh and shes a racist towards the ex communicated gith warrior who now has abandoned her old self #and plans to throw fucking hands with a literal god #speaking of fucking hands with a god #the other human is a forsaken mystral prodigy who may or may not be groomed #and under orders from the Literal Manifeststion of Magic Itself to blow himself up with this excess jumble of netherese in him #we also have a tiefling thats body runs on Mechanical Parts and needs to find A Literal Engineer to mend her heart #no like not symbolically i mean it very literally that her heart that gives her power is killing her because of (checks notes) earth air

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moiraimyths · 1 month

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Before we call anon rude because let’s see it from their perspective, imagine getting an entire feast to eat. That can be pretty hard to start with so much that’s going on, but if they start with one thing they know they’ll like (aka one character they like) that can be the start for them leaping to other characters to finish the story and the bigger story. I struggle the same way to start book series if I don’t have at least one character that drives me to read it, it’s all about what can be the hook to push them through. Sounds like the anon is neurodivergent (just a guess) so they might genuinely not see it as rude and see it as a solution to even play the game to start with.

Btw absolutely adore the game, the complex and rich characters making them all so unique is amazing. The art is so pleasing to the eyes I love it!! I’m waiting for it all to get out at once so I don’t get too impatient. Shae however interests me the most, which routes will have the most lore for them? Will there be routes that give more lore in general based on decisions you make or do they all share the same amount? (I mean general lore not just Shae lore)

Apologies; we are not trying to accuse any asker of being rude! We are simply explaining our perspective as the developers / are trying to broadly encourage folks to dip their toes into other areas of the story outside of the main route(s) they're interested in, especially considering some routes will be made available sooner than others, and these other routes will likely contain additional scenes/lore of everyone's fave(s) regardless! We want to give each main cast member an equal amount of love (and lore) regardless of their overall popularity, so our goal is not to tut-tut anyone for having strong preferences for one character over the others, but rather to explain that you may be surprised by how much *more* you learn about your preferred characters in the other routes. That's all!

For Shae... Well, they were a foot soldier for one of the worst periods of the War. Lore wise, any other story that touches on the War will likely have content relevant to them and their experiences. ^^

#ask #clotho answers #edit/final note: we got a *few* asks on this subject and will not likely answer all of them for the sake of our followers' dashboards #but we also want to note that part of our encouragements here come from the fact that Flan/Keagan are our most popular characters by a lot #and we want to do what we can to gently nudge folks who may not want to romance the fem / nb characters into checking out their stories #despite not being into them romantically. this is half of why we have platonic routes to begin with #we recognize veterans to the dating sim world may feel less inclined to romance characters that don't align with their irl orientations #this isn't a bad thing. some people steer clear of dating sims altogether because they're aro or just not interested in romance stories etc #but the unintentional side effect of this is it has a chilling effect on developers even in the indie sphere to make less diverse stories #if Flan and Keagan are our most popular characters then they will be our most *profitable* characters in the long run #and as much as we would love to not care about money and just produce the story we want to tell #we live in a society (tm) and need to eat #if at the end of ndm's development we see that 90% of our engagement went toward the boys it is hard to ignore the financial incentive #to redirect our energy toward leaning into the 'tried and true' formula that assures we can buy groceries and make rent #basically what i am candidly saying here is capitalism is pretty bad for creative liberty unless you're already rich / able to self finance #which we are not. and currently none of the core devs make *anything* from ndm #it would be nice if it does turn a profit but that isn't a guarantee - which the team has accepted as a normal risk in game development #anyway this is getting rambly but the Point is that this goes beyond us wanting to make sure all sides of our story are equally appreciated #it is *partly* that - we do want players to experience the entirety of our artwork #but it's not just for our egos - it's so we can keep making art like this #i considered including this in the body of the post but money talk suuucks man #and i don't want anyone to think we're glaring at them in a holier than thou 'ah-ha! you don't want to play maeve's route because she's a #woman!' sort of way because i think that's a reductive way to look at things #people like what they like and there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that #but if you like that we're making a diverse story #with masc routes fem routes and nb routes #even if you don't personally want to romance x or y #it would help us if y'all play the platonic routes #we are trying our very very best to make the fem/nb routes interesting for Everyone so those stories don't get sidelined #and if you don't like them for their own sake - fair enough! can't win em all and we'll deeply appreciate that you tried anyway!

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azure-clockwork · 2 months

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How Does it Feel to Read Classic Sci-Fi?

Orson Scott Card: Two of the most interesting books you’ll ever read if you’re willing to look past a handful of things. And then you find the planet of Chinese people who worship having debilitating OCD. And the Mormonism. And the fact that the author is wildly homophobic and ought to read his own books.

Robert Heinlein (or at least the Wikipedia Summaries): I guess that’s a neat concept—oh, it’s a sex thing. Um. Gotcha.

Ray Bradbury: Man, I gotta read this thing for class huh. Well here’s hoping it’s good! *three hours later* oh. that’s why he’s famous. this will stick with me forever and I will never look at the phrase ‘soft rain’ the same again. christ. And then repeat 3x.

Isaac Asimov: Wow, this is such an interesting concept! I wonder how the exploration of it will influence the plot! Wait, hey, are you going to add any characters? Any of em? No like, with character traits other than ‘robot psychologist’ and ‘autistic’ and ‘woman’? None of em? No, ‘detective’ isn’t a character trait. Those are all just facts. Aaaand now I’m bored.

Ursula K. Le Guin: Hah, get a load of this guy! He’s never heard of nonbinary people before. Lol, what a riot; how dumb do you have to be to comprehend that these people aren’t men *or* women actually? Oh, wait, what’s happening. Oh shit, it was about society and love and learning to understand each other? And now I’m crying? And perhaps a better human being for it??

Andy Weir: Alright, this guy’s a really good writer. Funny, creative, knows so much engineering stuff…ooh, a new book! …I guess he can’t write women. Well, he wouldn’t be the first sci-fi writer…ooh another new book! And it’s more engineering problem solving and—wow. It’s not just women he can’t write. Please stop letting your characters talk to each other.

Lois Lowry: Oh, I remember this being fun when I was a kid! Wouldn’t it be fucked up to not see color? …upon reread, it would be fucked up to have your humanity stripped away, replaced with a tepid, beige ‘happiness’ for all time. Yeah.

Tamsyn Muir (let me have this ok): Haha, “lesbian necromancers in space” sounds fun. Lemme read this. Oh wow, yeah, this is right up my alley. OH GOD WHAT. NO. FUCK. OH SHIT WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING AND WHY IS IT REFERENCING THE BOOK OF RUTH AND HOMESTUCK BACK TO BACK!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! Now give me more please.

#Late night book reviews with Bluejay #Not really #and it’s 1pm #If you’re curious which books #or just wanna read another essay:#Card: Ender’s Game and Speaker for the Dead are good* and the rest is Fucking Bonkers. Xenocide is the one called out specifically #Heinlein: Stranger in a Strange Land’s Wikipedia page but my understanding is it’s not the only book Like That #Bradbury: short story “There Will Come Soft Rains” will fuck your up; double if you check out the comic. See also “All Summer…” and °F 451 #Asimov: I; Robot is the specific ref but also its sequel novels where you’d more expect real characters and not just fact lists also #Le Guin: Left Hand of Darkness specifically but also I just love her lmao #Weir: The Martian then Artemis then Project Hail Mary #Lowry: the only stuff of her’s I’ve read is The Giver Quartet but I was shocked how good it was upon revisiting. Damn. That’s pointed.#Muir: Gideon the Ninth and its sequels. They’re so good. Read them. You will be confused by book two. That’s on purpose. They’re so good.#Yes don’t come at me for my tag formatting; 140 chars isn’t a lot. You try getting all three Bradbury titles in there #Also the lack of commas is an issue #Anyways I would rec basically all of these if you like sci-fi save for SiaSL (haven’t read it) and all of the Ender’s Game/SftD spinoffs #Also if you do wanna read Card’s work pls get the books 2nd hand or from a library. Or via the 7 seas. His money goes to homophobia :(#But most of em are good and all of em are classics for a reason (save for Muir who really should be lmao)#Also also don’t come at me for including Weir; he’s one of the most popular sci-fi authors AND came up in the discussion that prompted this #As did everyone else except Muir because that one is actually just self indulgent.#I worked so hard to tag the first few things such that it would be clear there was an essay beneath the tag cut #Anyways tags for like actual categorization n such:#orson scott card #robert heinlein #ray bradbury #isaac asimov #ursula k. le guin #andy weir #lois lowry #tamsyn muir

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seaweedstarshine · 4 months

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RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)

#canonically psychotic = he canonically has psychosis. (not in the ableist way in that hes evil. which he is. lemme enjoy problematic rep)#Gabriel Summers #art by seaweed #words by seaweed #X-Men Red #the Gabriel hate during the Krakoa era pffffft. was 100% from ppl who didnt read the Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire #“he attacked Storm” hes also a genocidal dictator who tortures ppl for catharsis. drunkenly coming at Ororo is the least bad thing he did #“he's a douche” mother of all understatements. now get this man back w his boyfriend who he forced to be his best man under pain of death #Gabriel fans LOVE that Ororo beat his ass. he deserved it. it was a fake discourse made up by a certain segment of goddess!Ororo fans #I say as an Ororo fan! Shes my fav A-list x-man🥰 yes Gabe was at a mental low but Ororo didnt know that. that was Scott's responsibility.#psychotic Emperor Vulcan is what we call a problematic mentally ill villain trope. I love him SO much. (okay lets talk)#we don’t know much about his childhood but we do know he spent 2 years in a fugue state after escaping slavers when he was like ten ):#as an “adult”-ish he's uh “mentally” 15 or sumn according to the calculations claimed to him by his hallucination of his actual child self #and apart from THOSE hallucinations. he’s very paranoid to the point of killing his advisors because he becomes convinced-#that they’re plotting to kill him. they aren't. he relies on Calseye to ground him thru his paranoia. and then of course in the Krakoa era #he believes his energy constructs of Petra and Sway who drink with him till he blacks out every single day are real. he isnt consciously #creating them; but he sees them- and bc he’s a godlike mutant his subconscious makes his hallucinations visible. making everyone uncomfy #Charles tries to use telepathy to FORCIBLY reality check him. which of course triggers his trauma. and GABE is punished for it?#(oh plus our finding out Gabe got brain surgery done on him by some gods outside the universe offpanel. he never does well with tampering)#and now the writers who pushed Hickman out (also RIP Sabretooth & the Exiles. RIP Hellions) want us to be SAD Krakoa is gone?#yes Gabriel is the mentally ill villain trope. but Krakoa never cared for mutants who couldn’t fit in. who were traumatized. disabled. etc #Alex OF ALL PEOPLE should understand that. ALEX should’ve been there for Gabriel. (why wasn't he. did he hold a grudge for past torture.)#Alex also w Murder-Enjoying Disorder but it was actually treated as an illness and those in authority presented as wrong for excluding him #instead of helping him. which v flawed but Hellions was one of the best mental illness comics? like Zeb Wells was conscious of the genre #but Gabriel was just… cast out. for panicking when his prime traumatizer Charles invaded his mind. he deserved help too #and all because his family were annoyed at him for drinking all night and throwing up and passing out on the floor? for being delusional?#And like- all of the summers brothers are nd (Scott's brain damage; Alex's dissociative episodes; Gabriel's psychosis)#I have nothing to say about Adam X ((I highly doubt he's neurotypical and/or mentally healthy)) ((nothing to say abt him tho))#and Gabes paranoia is 100% rooted in his issues of being made to feel like an outsider. like YES the obvious MUTANT identity but also #he thinks his father abandoned him to be a slave. he's not Summers enough for Scott. hes not Shi'ar enough for the Shi'ar

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microwavetoaster-selfships · 2 days

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Do you think they didn't let Finn say "Professor Z" the entire movie because he's British and he'd pronounce it "Professor Zed"

#i mean i wouldve loved it. For some reason i get so excited hearing all the different words and things they say or pronounce differently #that I will just bug them to say certain words cause it like. gives me a fizzy happy feeling for some reason #I gotta rewatch the movie and check but it's making me giggle. he just says “Professor” or he says-#-the professor's full name “Zündapp”.#Though I don't think any of the characters pronounce it with the umlaut thingy above the “u”#good morning everyone. hope everyone can have a nice day today and you recieve some of that good karma you've been building up #self ship #selfship #selfshipping #self shipping #finn🩶💙

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the-casbah-way · 6 months

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the ego trip some fic writers are on makes me want to die like girl some real world perspective would be a game changer here

#i mean it's not just fic writers but it usually is #why are you talking down to strangers on the internet because you write fanfiction that some people like #i just feel like fandom loses its fun instantly when people try and bring the internet celebrity factor into it #like when i was younger those kinds of people put me off posting my own stuff because of how self important and condescending they were #and in hindsight it's like why ???? why were they treated like gods because they *checks notes* wrote a fic with a few thousand hits #it just reminds me of that early 2000s era of fandom where people would build entire websites for themselves #where they'd go on and on about how popular and beloved their fic was #and pretend it was a means to make connections and interact with other people #but it was just an excuse to jack it to the sound of their own voice (i'm talking about the thanfiction guy)#like. what is the fun of fandom if you're not in it to just like. have fun and be a nice person and have actual friendships #“you probably know me from-” YOU ARE A FUCKING TUMBLR USER GIRL SHUT UP #it's not a nice or approachable way of interacting with other fans....we are all the same here and everyone should get to contribute equall

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ahalliance · 2 months

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open question; in which aspects is Oh No! by MARINA, a qetoiles song? please discuss your answer as a 500 word essay . thank you

#‘if you are not very careful / your possesions will possess you’ <- his recklessness with the whole code arm stuff #everyone around him like Erm maybe you wanna get that checked out . or stop using the shield . but no . he continues to maintain #codependent yuri with the shield . to a point where it possesses him . one might say #follow up question. in which aspects is rootless by MARINA also a qetoiles song . discuss #maybe im doing the age old thing of applying Song I Like to Blorbo . but i see my own vision tbh #jay rambles #slaps this cubito . you can fit so many self esteem issues into this one

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kimmkitsuragi · 5 months

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whew haha

#🗒#my mom is like 'ok it's set let's tell everyone' and im like 😭😭😭😭 !!!!!#are u sure!!!! are u sure it's set like ???? 😭😭😭#ughhhhhh after this much trust i will literally kill myself if i dont get ANY scholarship lmaooooo #but also like. is it set now!!!! really !!!!!!! is it !!!!!#(excited but horrified and anxious)#like. like like like........ like i mean #um........ for real now? like are we sure for sure ??#i honestly will be like 100% on my way to [redacted] and still be like haha. is it for real #are we sure . will this actually happen #that's. crazy man #i cant help but feel like im asking for too much again. ughhhhhhh #yes hello hi. this blog has been my main outlet for emotional breakdowns about the same subject for um #(checks notes) a few months now. truly is anyone else bored of this ? because im so over it #but also like. things just dont get clear !!!!!! ever !!!!!#how can i be sure how can anyone be sure that i will actually be going lmfaooooo #i hate this waiting period i hate it why cant i know if i got anything or nah. but please don't say nah #ughhhhhh . alright. whatever it's not like i care that much honestly -_-#(threatens to kill self every day a few times over this btw)#anyway um let's. be positive #it will go great tomorrow 🤩 they will want to give me money sooooo bad 😍#and i will receive an email this week 🤗 about the wait list thing for SURE 🥳#i am doing amazing dont worry guys. im sooooo chill rn #Sorry for the constant embarrassing personal posts lol

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nyaitsu-writes · 6 months

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Hii i love love your works and read them from time to time... Please don't deactivate this account, because i really love everything here :> 💗 i hope you're taking care of yourself over there! xoxo

thank youuuu!! i love hearing that people like to read my stuff again aaaa (i do that too sometimes www) also i don't think i'd ever have the heart of deactivating this account because it's really dear to my heart and has a lot of good memories with friends so don't worry about it <3

i've been working hard at actively taking care of myself for these past months and it's slowly getting better... very very slowly but every little improvement is great, right? my health is still wonky as ever but i need to keep trying! ♪(´▽｀)

#nyaitsu asks #you don't know just how happy i get when i check this blog and find sweet comments like this ueeee #it's been a tough time lately. i miss writing soooo much #checkmate anime drove me insane and i was thiiiiis close to getting back just to write the fluffiest most self indulgent things #and the climax event aaaa i was just. i was dying to spam this blog a bit and see everyone's thoughts on the new things in e!!#but then i got shy and didn't. oops

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713-4th-ward-g · 11 months

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#now my aunt is in remission...#a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school #I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly #i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts..#but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse #and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen #and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same #if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me #and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all #i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing #i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else #ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again #i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him..#Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment #im tired of it so much #the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep #i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore..#im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling #of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more #why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed #maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things #im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency #Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine..#i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened #and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ...#i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...

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senselessalchemist · 9 months

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apparently I preordered an audiobook when I had a free one from audible (yes I know but if they want to give me a poor person an audiobook I am too weak to resist, also it's how I get my stormlight archive fix every few years) and I don't know what it is and I am also afraid to check because I am a very weird coward with issues about notifications

#what could it be #i know its not stormlight archive 5 because i would be having way more an excited fit if it were #them fuckers are my number 1 comfort books to listen to and it would be cool to have a new one #sighs #last time i checked everyone was theorizing kaladin would die in 5 #which i will accept with dignity but it will make me very sad because (sincere moment)#kaladin stormblessed being his depressed and traumatized and extremely ill self and both continuing anyway #but also recognizing that he couldnt continue in the same way #have helped me get through some real tough shit #also navani strangely enough who i was like okay with up until RoW #but then getting more of her experience while i was being severely emotionally abused kinda... yeah #but yeah my new audiobook isn't stormlight 5 so #maybe if i force myself to check it'll be a fun reveal #and then i can listen to a book i was apparently into enough to preorder #last new book i read was in august 🙃#and i feel such pressure to read so i can be a better writer #but i dont waaaaant toooooo because emotions can be painful and i don't want to hurt #sincere moment over #positively i have written 26kish words and i kind of have an idea of how things fit together #just gotta clme up with the overarching structure for this one #the present-past flip-flop was an accident that came from the fic starting out as a one-shot and then getting Too Fucking Long #and then i decided i liked it and had a little fun time trying to tie each part to the next with some specific imagery or theme or event #this one can't do that... or at least not in exactly the same way #i have a couple of ideas and i guess ill see what works #i like gimmicky bullshit too much and i apologize #but luckily no one has to read my fics so they can't complain that im gimmicky #on thursday i have a dreaded dentist appointment but on the plus side i have often written the best in medical waiting rooms #fingers crossed #(also on thursday i am getting a pakige with stuff that will let me set up a 2nd monitor and that is exciting)

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speedyowl152 · 2 years

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Something i find fun, if Adrien and Félix are sentimonsters, is Adrien's feather allergy. Aside from the dramatic irony.

An allergy is where the body incorrectly labels an object as a threat, and the immune system reacts, or even dangerously overreacts, in ways which could be threatening to the person it's trying to protect.

If Adrien is a senti, then he's made from a feather, that's his soul. His allergy is targeting something that is already part of his being and biology. That means it's not an allergy, it's an autoimmune disease.

Allergies are genetic, as are predispositions to autoimmune diseases, and Adrien and Félix are genetically identical, though we don't know if Félix shares his allergy. It's possible it hasn't been activated yet. His odds of developing this could be heightened by a bunch of factors; illnesses, food, sunlight.

I'm excited to see if he'll share it or not, if being around duusu will be good for him (someone who understands, to befriend and vent to like Plagg is for Adrien) or bad for him (y'know, a health hazard).

Adrien having an autoimmune disease, maybe he's on immunosuppressants, maybe he's not. I think that could further explain some of Gabriel's actions, not justify them but make them make a little more sense.

After all, the feathers are in the rings, maybe that's a small part of why he hasn't been given his yet. Maybe it's part of why Gabriel has so little physical contact with him, he could give his kid a rash or worse.

If your kid has a weakened immune system and your wife is dying or gone, trying to keep that kid inside, reducing his and your own contact with people, especially other kids - because kids spread diseases like wild fire. I get it. It makes me feel really bad for them. Adrien doesn't even understand what his father's protectiveness is about, besides just losing Emilie. And Gabriel can't even begin to have that conversation with him without everything coming out. About why his feather allergy is such a big deal, about papillon and his wife.

Anyway I'm just thinking about how he ended up letting him go to school. About how he let Nino give him a party but absolutely would've been advising for it to be outside in the open air rather than letting a load of strange children into his clean house.

He really wasn't that bad of a dad at the start. But Nathalie's right, he's getting worse and worse. And I'm worried about how he'll cope and what he'll do without her, now that Adrien is the only close person to him that he has left. Beyond whatevers going on with Tomoe anyway.

#i dont like villains who are evil because theyre evil. theres always logic and understanding behind it #and i like how with miraculous you only need a few hcs for the villains to make sense and be human #chloe and lila are messed up from the absense of their parents. chloes spoilt and lonely #and lilas learnt she can manipulate her way to whatever she wants because her parents dont care enough to check. shes lonely too #and she gets rewarded everytime her manipulation works in her favour. its why she keeps doing it.#she makes friends the only way she knows how when she feels so different being constantly uprooted and neglected #félix has his life and freedom under threat. hes been working from the start to free himself #all while watching lb & cn destroy his kin everyweek. as his uncle controls his brother and keeps making new sentis to be sent to die #and gabriels the kind of person who simply cannot be trusted to hold power alone. and fundementally misunderstands other people #he doesnt know how to empathise and now he wields an emotion detecting miraculous he never needs to try.#its making him more and more self centred as his confidence is continuely knocked by children and time continues to pass without emilie #and hes managed to find a way to become even more alone #and nathalie just wants to do her best by the agrestes because shes come to love this family as if it were her own #and now shes realised enabling gabriel has only made things worse for everyone involved #i just. i like that stuff where theres logic beyond revenge on an accident or just sheer malice #where there isnt one root of all evil character #ml spoilers #ml s5e2 spoilers #ml s5e1 spoilers #evolution spoilers #multiplication spoilers #sentimonster theory #dont come at me to tell me im enabling abusers or being ableist or something okay #i literally have an autoimmune disease. i literally had 5 diseases at once last week.#i hate crowds and im crushingly lonely living in the closet at my parents #i will kin adrien and shove headcanons on him with hope itll end happily when they win as much as i please and you cannot stop me #hes immunosuppressed too i just called it ive manifested it get absolutely fucked #i wanna go to school/work and make friends and gain the courage to slowly claim back my identity for myself #and i will live that through a fictional 15 year old cat boy if i want. fight me.#own post

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