#i get stressed thinking about it i feel like shit

[lurkiestvoid]

A tag mentioned 'where the reddit stockbros at' and ... well anyways, for those asking how to help without directly trading:

- Loudly and frequently remind everyone how he didn't found Tesla, he bought the right to call himself the founder, and then ruined a great thing.

- Loudly and frequently discuss how absolutely shit quality Teslas are, using as many specific examples as possible. One of my faves was an old TT where an auto assembly worker went over as many details of a Tesla as they could, pointing out aaaaall the shoddy craftsmanship and cut corners, badly installed gaskets, etc.

- Loudly and frequently discuss Tesla deaths. Especially things like how Mitch McConnell's wife lowered vehicle safety standards and then her sister got drunk and reversed her deathtrap into a pond.

- Bonus points if you can put these comments in relevant places, like say, Yahoo Finance, relevant tags on ANY social media, and under finance/market news and blogs.

- Same goes for SpaceX and Starlink, anything and everything negative you can say about them especially backed up by facts, statistics, or other reports

- Consumer/market sentiment is closely monitored by the industry, regardless of how they spin it in media. No one on the internet actually knows whether or not you own any of these products.

- If you're feeling really edgy, go to whatever subreddits/Yahoo comments section/wherever relevant and pretend to be a Tesla/etc shareholder who gave up and sold. Don't tell others to sell, that shit usually gets shut down pretty quick, but just be 'disgruntled' and 'disappointed' or even scared. "idk guys I'm really worried, this isn't getting better, I just really think it's over, I'm selling"

- If you or anyone you know has any kind of 401(k) or other externally-managed retirement portfolio, mention to them you really hope they don't have any Tesla/etc in there, maybe they should double check/call their broker/whatever

- pressure your banks/universities/etc to divest any Elon-related tickers, stressing things like "volatility," "market sentiment," "bad optics," and "risk"

- never go the Gleeful Troll route, it just gets ignored. If you want to convince people, play the Concerned Consumer/Shareholder angle

- Report Elon Musk's market manipulation to the SEC. They won't really do anything, maybe a slap on the wrist at most, a paltry fine of 0.001% of profits or something, but it's fun and it's free.

The stock market is paper-fucking-thin and fearful sentiment is contagious. It can absolutely be used to an advantage.

IF YOU HAVE NEVER TOUCHED THE MARKET BEFORE, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ATTEMPT TO START NOW. DO NOT GAMBLE ON TESLA PUTS NO MATTER HOW SURE YOU ARE THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO GO DOWN NOR HOW MUCH ANY STOCKBROS TELL YOU IT'S SAFE. ANY DEATH-THROES OR SPIKES COULD CAUSE EXPONENTIAL DEBT.

Anyways, a small note: margin calls are not nearly as cut-and-dried as implied. Organizations with millions or billions of worth and assets can easily juggle things to rebalance their risk, a margin call does not automatically force liquidation unless that risk cannot be balanced.

Here is your mission.

[cameronsbabydoll]

with reader being in her early 20s, how do u think rafe would feel if she was thinking about college? assuming shes not in college rn. like she randomly is like !!! it would be nice to have a degree… maybe even a masters… !!!!! and shes like always busy looking at applications and curriculum and stuff and not paying attention to him as much anymore

Oh, Rafe would hate this even more than the job idea.

At first, he’d just brush it off—like, yeah, okay, baby, go ahead and daydream about being a little college girl, that’s cute. But when he realizes you’re serious, that you’re actually looking at applications, planning your future, without consulting him first? That’s when his grip tightens.

"Why the fuck do you need a degree?" His voice would be calm, but there’d be this edge to it, this barely contained irritation. "What, you wanna be some businesswoman? A little scholar? You think that’s gonna make you happy?"

He’d be so condescending about it, like the idea of you sitting in classrooms, taking notes, working toward something that isn’t him is just ridiculous. And the fact that you’re so invested, always staring at your laptop instead of giving him attention? Oh, that would piss him off.

"You don’t even look at me anymore," he’d complain, pulling your laptop out of your hands, tossing it onto the bed like it’s nothing. "All this for some stupid piece of paper?"

But underneath all the arrogance, there’s fear. Because college means freedom. New people, new ideas, a life that doesn’t revolve around him. And that? That’s unacceptable.

He’d start planting doubts in your head, making you second-guess yourself.

"You really think you’re gonna like it? You think you’re built for that? Stressing over deadlines, dealing with professors who don’t give a shit about you?" He’d shake his head, running a hand down your back, voice dropping into something smoother, silkier, dangerous. "You have everything you need right here, baby. I take care of you. Why do you wanna make your life harder?"

And if you kept pushing? If you actually started filling out applications? He’d escalate. Maybe he’d “accidentally” misplace your laptop charger. Maybe he’d plan a last-minute trip to “celebrate” you before you get too busy with school, keeping you too distracted to finish the applications. Maybe he’d just fuck you stupid every time you tried to study, so by the time you remembered what you were supposed to do, it’d already be too late.

And if, somehow, you still made it to enrollment?

Well. Let’s just say Rafe wouldn’t be above buying the whole damn school just to make sure his pretty little girl never forgets exactly who she belongs to.

[star2fishmeg]

i love your series and id love to get your input on how luke found out he was going to be a dad!! i think it’d be so cute 🥰

He definitely finds out in the most casual way possible but completely short-circuits upon hearing the words and having the realisation. He may be a husband, but he’s still a lovable loser at heart <3

Luke barely has time to close the door before you peer out from around the corner, slipping past Quinn and Jack as you’re left alone with him in the entryway. His eyebrows pull together upon your presence, body tensing and he takes his hat off to ruffle his hair. You had been to the doctor, and he spent the entire day worrying about the results. Too many ‘what ifs’ - What if there were complications? What if you weren’t healthy? What if he wasn’t healthy? -  and the dread of waiting another year to time the birth perfectly. His breathing’s shaking still from the moment he kissed you before he left this morning, heartbeat pulsing in his ears, and for a moment you two stare at each other. 

You step closer slowly, adrenaline buzzing in your system with a quivering lip. He blinks twice before you throw yourself into him at a force that has him groaning upon impact. He steps back, heart swelling as you slip your arms under the back of his polo shirt, winding around his waist tight and pressing your face into his chest. His skin’s warm, tingling under your touch but his muscles relax when you snuggle into him. The faint conversation of the kitchen drowns out into a silence and Luke’s ears ring, his stomach sinking.

“Hey, beautiful, you all right?” he asks softly, arms wrapping around your shoulders with one hand stroking your hair. He can’t feel you smile or move against his shirt like he usually can. You’re both just standing there as he strokes your head soothingly.

He stops when you pull away and look up at him, eyes glassy but a smile pulls onto your lips slowly. The relief washes through him drastically, shoulders slumping as he waits for you to speak. 

“You’re gonna be a dad, Lu.” You tell him, gently and quietly, hands rubbing along his waist, just as he does to you, “We did it.”

His eyes widen, lips parting as the words get stuck in his throat. The sounds of the world tune back in, and suddenly, everything’s alive again - his heart, the house, and his feelings. The dull shadow he’d initially convinced himself into thinking lifts, so the sun leaks through the windows and your eyes glisten at his. Elated isn’t the right word for how his stomach fizzles, he’s ascending, stress flushing out his body and he feels light. You giggle at him, his hands abruptly cupping your cheeks as his lips tinge upwards into a grin that has his eyes creasing. He’s going to be a dad. Another father amongst his brothers and he’s hearing his heart pound for a whole new reason now. 

“For real? Oh my God, I’m gonna be a dad.” He finally manages to blurt out, his thumbs caressing over your cheekbones, “Oh fuck. It worked, I love you so fucking much, angel.”

Faster than you see it coming, he leans down and plants his lips onto yours firmly. He kisses you slow and steady, his cheeks burning pink as you hum into him and the vibrations tickling his lips, enticing the giddy feeling in his chest until you pull away. 

His smile drops, hands letting you go, and he places one hand on his hip while running the other over his mouth, nerves crawling back into him. He turns away briefly, taking a deep breath before turning back to you. His voice lowers, words tumbling over each other, “How-how do you know? Like, are you sure? Does anyone, uh, else know? Shit, what’s nine months from now agai-”

“Lu, breathe, baby,” you take his hands into your own, soothing your thumbs over his knuckles with a smile, “I went to the doctor’s this time to be sure, the lady confirmed that we are having a child. I wanted to tell you first, since you are the father, dumbass.”

Luke wets his lips, eyes searching yours and his hands tremble, his voice shaking in pursuit. The only thing keeping him grounded is the warmth of your hands spreading into his and how calm you are (which he assumes is because you’ve known longer than he has), but his heart swells. “Wh-who are we telling first? Because I think we should go for the parents first before siblings. Oh God, y/n, c’mere.” 

Giggles slip past you at his frantic thoughts, allowing him to pull you hurriedly back into his chest and press you close, peppering your hair with kisses. He’s going to be a parent now, with the woman he’s loved since he was eighteen, and there’s something undoubtedly exciting about having a little one at his feet, but also certainly terrifying about it too.

[bunnithechubs]

an extra long one as compensation for me not posting anything slate in months <3

transcript below:

S: So, what do we think about this venue for the ceremony?

D: It’s a bit small but I like it, what about you babe?

[Seph and Darius look at Penny who is silent]

S: You don’t like it…

P: Well, I don’t hate it. It’s just not giving what I wanted for the wedding. W

S: hat exactly is throwing it off for you? You wanted great views and expensive. This is literally where the Feng’s got married. You don’t even want to know how much I fought for us to even get a tour!

P: I know you worked hard for this Seph, and I appreciate. Darius and I both do, but… it’s just not sitting well with me. We can keep it in mind in case the other locations don’t work out.

S: Darius… any support here?

D: Seph, I like the place but if Penny isn’t sold then we can look elsewhere. If anyone gives you a hard time then call me. I don’t want you stressing more than you have to.

P: I can already tell you don’t like this for the ceremony but how about the reception?

D: You already know I love this place, boys love it too, so I’m sold on a reception being here.

S: Penny… thoughts?

P: Can I be honest or do you want me to be nice?

S: I would love to hear you say you love this and let me put a deposit down.

P: I can be… convinced to host the reception here. I’m just not sold on the idea of making us all travel.

S: They do receptions here all the time, they have it down to a science. If you’re worried about travel they said they can get everyone here in under an hour.

D: I might need to hire them for my next trip, under an hour in this city? That’s impressive.

P: It takes a lot to impress Darius.

S: Does that mean we like this for the reception?

P: You can put the deposit down.

S: Thank god, that’s one thing off my list.

S: Thanks for meeting with me before Penny gets here.

D: Of course, everything okay? If she says no to this location I might lose my shit, Darius.

D: [Sighs] I know. I’ve been trying to talk to her about her picky-ness. I think it’s the baby. You know she’s not like this normally and she loves you.

S: Oh I know. However, I need you to stop being such a push over Darius.

D: I am not a complete pushover. I just know this wedding means a lot to her and I want it to be perfect.

S: It’s your wedding too and honestly she listens more when you speak your mind.

D: I know, but I think this might be the one. F

S: or all out sakes I hope so, she’s here so put on your big boy pants.

P: Hey baby!

D: Hey there beautiful, how are you feeling still sick?

P: Nope! I think it was just morning sickness. Hey sis, you look pretty- had a date with lover boy?

S: Thanks and he wishes. He’s in the valley but said he’s coming back this weekend.

D: Are you ever going to be nice to Jasper?

S: A man like that? You can never be nice to. Honestly, I think he might have a kink for being ignored.

P: Oh my god, this is place is beautiful! They do weddings here?

S: They don’t actually but Darius promised to donate enough money to keep them in business for a decade so they compromised.

P: So no one has gotten married here before?

S: I think like over a 100 years ago was the last event they hosted. How about you guys explore inside while I find my contact?

D: Sounds good, see you soon.

D: What do you think, love?

[Penny stays silent just staring at Darius]

D: What? You don’t like it?

P: My sister made you meet her early didn’t she?

D: [sighs] Yes.

P: What did she say?

D: She’s just a bit frustrated with finding the ceremony venue. Asked me to put my big boy pants on.

P: I figured as much. I can’t blame her I’ve been a bridezilla.

D: You have, so maybe you should be a bit more… aware of your sister’s feelings too.

P: I’ll take her out for lunch this week and talk with her.

D: I’m sure she will enjoy spending time with you that doesn’t involve wedding planning. By the way, she said she will lose it if you hate this place.

P: Well, it’s a good thing I love it.

D: Me too and I think it was worth all the no’s. Zeph nearly screamed when I told him we were looking at the botanical.

P: If Zeph loves this place then I would have said yes earlier.

D: Please do not tell you sister that.

[bloo-the-dragon]

Roleswap mer eclipse and ruin could have adopted baby mers?

They're could have their own baby later on?

The roleswap versions would also have a baby Loon too yes :3 Eclipse would be the one who'd bear the egg in this version.

In fact i've talked about it with friends before and even made a joke about Eclipse sort of accidentely triggering the egg making process because when he's having sleepy cuddles with Ruin, he has a moment of thinking what if they had a child together? And in his sleep adled state he thinks it could be nice. He'd like that.

Then he wakes up later feeling funny before he realises and he's just oh shit i'm making a kid. Cue a very embarressed mer having to tell his robot mate that uh. Yeah they're having an unexpected kid and the brief panic in both as they try to prepare for this lol.

I havn't decided if this is how it would happen officially for the swap au yet, but it does make me laugh thinking about it and it's absurd/silly enough to fit their dynamic lmao.

(Btw i'm gonna add the rest of my reply under a cut because i got carried away sharing some sadder lore stuff regarding Loon in the swap au gfjkgh prepare thineselves)

On a slightly sadder note though, Loon would be born without a withered arm (he'd still have a weak jaw/vocals though that's just something he was born with naturally. The withered arm was a result of his egg nearly dying after creation) but he would end up losing that same arm only a couple weeks after hatching during an accident where he gets it trapped/crushed by some old machinery he happens across while playing outside after escaping Eclipse and Ruin who are asleep in the lighthouse.

They'd be awoken by the shrill shrieks and when they find him, it's clear the arm is far to mangled to save. Ruin would have to amputate it, and Eclipse - who would be utterly devastated at the sight of his kid being this badly hurt, of allowing this to happen again not protecting a pup, his pup and letting them get badly hurt. He would leave and head to the beach cave where he would stay for a number of days, sulking and stricken with sadness and anger at himself.

Ruin meanwhile after completing the amputation and calming down tiny Loon after cleaning up and sewing the stump, would need a moment to himself to just. Calm down. He's used to working under high stress given his job, but this would have shaken him quite a lot. It would pain him deeply to see a child hurt so badly, especially his own. Ruin would then have to check on the other pups too, Sols and the Peas just to make sure they're all ok too before going to check on Eclipse.

However when he finds Eclipse in the cave, Eclipse would be so upset he'd hiss at Ruin and even swipe and flare at him. But doing that would have only made Eclipse feel worse about the situation, especially with how hurt Ruin looks. But the robot would allow Eclipse his alone time, telling him he'll be back at the lighthouse with the pups when he's ready to come back.

Eclipse doesn't return for over a week. But every day, Ruin would continue to visit him. Eclipse wouldn't swipe or flare at him again, he'd be a depressed lump on the cave floor facing away from the entryway, only hissing at Ruin whenever he showed up prompting the animatronic to leave each time.

Until Ruin, who had been doing his best to look after and provide for the pups by himself in Eclipse's absence, having to reassure them Eclipse just needed some alone time when they kept asking after him and overall just missing his partner would finally have enough.

Because Ruin was also dealing with the guilt of having allowed their child to get badly hurt and while he knew Eclipse was also hurting for the same reason he was starting to believe maybe Eclipse hated him too, blamed him for the accident.

So he goes into the cave, ignores the hissing and instead sits by Eclipse and apologises for what happened to Loon, for allowing it to happen. How he's sorry for causing Eclipse so much grief and that the children miss him. He misses him. And Eclipse, realising how Ruin felt about it, the guilt he had and thinking it was his fault combined with his own crippling lonliness from his self exile/isolation that had been growing since then would just. He'd flip around and coil around Ruin, pressing his face into his chest and holding him close.

Because in truth he never blamed Ruin, only himself. Isolated himself away because the last time he harmed a pup he was kicked from his pod and he feared the same happening again here, even if he felt he deserved it. But as it turns out, he was missed and wanted still, by the pups and his mate. They still wanted him around. They wern't mad, and they wern't blaming him.

After the two hold each other for a while, Eclipse would tell him he's not mad at Ruin, he never was. Only at himself. And Ruin would tell him he was the same way. In the end it was an accident, neither of their faults. And little Loon despite it all, is still as fiesty and energetic as ever. Misses his dad, misses Eclipse. So do the other pups. And Ruin is finally able to convince Eclipse to return back to the lighthouse with him. And he does, and ends up getting tackled by four pups very happy to see him again!

Overall a very sad and stressful week for everyone, Ruin and Eclipse especially but they manage to get through it in the end and the two would have a stronger bond than ever before as a result of it. And Loon would mostly forget about the entire ordeal eventually, though he'd not play around any dangerous looking machinery again!

[lilgarbitch]

Running in Circles - Eight

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: Depression, FP (favorite person) thoughts, past addiction, mentions of losing a loved one (I think that’s all but please let me know if I missed anything)

Word Count: 10.3k

Author’s Note: I had most of his written and ready to go before I took a break from posting. I went back and forth for a long time, debating if I wanted to keep her backstory like this, but I want a complex MC. I want to bring awareness to topics like these and I want people to see inside the mind of those who struggle with things like this. (Also very sorry I keep changing the names of characters. Y/N’s ex is now Chris, because I hated the name Ronnie.) (Also I’m working on editing the pictures and shit for the past chapters so sorry that things look different)

Tags: @theanarchymuse95 @dontwantthemoney @chey-h @badomensgoodomens @bloody-spades @blade-dressed-in-red @xmads-omensx @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @thatchickwiththecamera @tosoundlessdarkistare @lacy1986 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @death-ofpeace-ofmind @heyyoplayer

Part Seven

Y/N

“Guys, stop, you’re gonna break it!” I laughed out, yelling at Cal and Damien, who were messing around with the control board in the studio. 

The boys ended up coming over to Dave’s house, and after about twenty minutes of them freaking out about meeting Dave and all of Lorna Shore, followed by walking through the house in complete awe, they became quickly acquainted… a little too quickly. 

The group’s personalities were a little too alike, and now I was back to babysitting multiple grown men. I had to ask Dave to follow my idiots to make sure they didn’t break anything of his, but he just laughed me off, even though I was completely serious. 

Now, my boys, Dave, Will, Moke, and I were all hanging out in the studio as the rest of the guys did who knows what. I’m afraid I’m ever going to leave this room. My boys got a little too excited seeing how professional everything was, and Dave, enthusiastic at the thought of showing more people his things, told them to have fun. Which wasn’t the best idea, seeing that they were now touching absolutely anything they could get their hands on, and I could feel my blood pressure rising. 

Will and I just sat back and watched as Cal, Finn, and Damien treated the room like a zoo, and Dave and Moke explained what everything did. I couldn’t have been more stressed out, knowing how they treat their own instruments, but Will did his best to keep me calm, saying that if they did do something they weren’t supposed to, Dave would let them know. And I was realizing just how little our band knew about things like this. When we produced our music, we ran shitty software on Cal’s PC after recording in a “studio” at the local music shop, thanks to Damien knowing a guy who worked there and was willing to hook us up. While we were technically under a label with our “manager” coming from them, it wasn’t a big one that helped us with any production or promotion. We did that all ourselves. And it was also now hitting me that the only reason why we were even able to join such a large tour was because Noah probably begged his band and management to set it up.  

“Y/N, why don’t you check more things out? I’ve only seen you in the booth,” Moke shouted towards me in the midst of the chaos, pulling me out of my overwhelming thoughts, “Do you play any instruments? Or only vocals?” 

“Oh, she plays a mean guitar,” Damien answered for me, making me shake my head. 

“I do not. I’m so bad at it, which is why I only sing on stage. But I used to play the piano,” I answered. Dave walked past me to his wall of guitars.

“Well, I don’t have a piano…yet. But why don’t you show us what you can play?” He said as he grabbed a guitar off the shelf and walked it over to me. I eyed the guitar, then him, then at the rest of the guys staring at me. 

“Why am I the one who’s always put on the spot?” I semi-joked as I took the guitar from him, staring at him apprehensively.

I stared down at the guitar in my hands. I didn’t want the boys knowing that I actually really enjoyed guitars, knowing how the whole vocals thing went earlier in the tour, but I couldn’t help but admire the Taylor 814ce. One that was handed to me like it wasn’t a dream to touch, let alone play. 

I was never confident in my guitar playing, especially around Finn and Calum, who could pick up any song you throw at them and perfect it in a week, and how they always helped me if I needed someone to play a few chords to help me with getting a song worked out in my head, so I never really felt like I was one to admire such a beauty if I wasn’t the most informed in the group. But this was a beauty.

After a few moments of taking in the amazing condition Dave kept his instruments in, I finally turned back to the boys. 

“So uh…what do I play?” I ask sheepishly. I don’t even know if I remember any of the songs I learned all those years ago, and being put on the spot really wasn’t helping me think. 

“What’s that one song you always used to play in highschool? I remember when I showed you my first Fender, you started playing that one song…uhhh ‘You’re only six feet tall’ or something like that?” Finn suggested, making me chuckle. 

“That’s an easy song, definitely not one I’d choose to show off my talent if I had any,” I reply with a smirk. 

“Still, I haven’t heard you play or even sing that song in too long. Give it a go. Please?” I looked at him for a moment before rolling my eyes and getting the guitar in position. 

It had been years since I played ‘On the Brightside’, but it’s just repeating chords, so stare down at the strings and try to wrack my brain of which chords those were. 

I begin strumming what I thought might be them, but it still sounded off. My hand instantly went to the pegs, before pausing and looking up at Dave, silently asking permission to butcher the tuning of his gorgeous guitar for a single song, but he surprisingly nodded. 

As I start tuning the E string, finally hearing some familiarity in an E flat, it all starts coming back to me. I eventually tune every string to a flat, and start strumming a few chords, making sure that I actually remember them correctly. Once I got the hang of it, I began. 

I met a man of two feet tall

This man was quite ambitious

In a world that is so vicious to us all

I said, “Hi,” as he replied

He said, “Listen to these words that I have lived by my whole life”

”You’re only as tall as your heart will let you be

And you’re only as small as the world will make you seem

When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall

Just look on the brightside, you’re roughly six feet tall”

I couldn’t hit Christofer Drew’s high notes, but I continue strumming and bringing this song back into my heart. Not that I normally can forget songs, but this one will forever be ingrained into my brain. I’ve lived by these words since the day I first heard this song, and it was one of the first ones I ever tried learning on guitar when I was young. It has been quite some time since I’ve played it, but now that I'm doing it again, it’s going to be a while before I forget it.

I am a man of six feet tall

Just looking for some answers 

In a world that answers none of them at all

I’ll say, “Hi,’ but not reply

To the letters that you write 

Because I’ve found some piece of mind

Cause I’m only as tall as my heart will let me be

And I’m only as small as the world will make me seem

And when the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall

I’ll look on the brightside, I’m roughly six feet tall

I softly hold out the last note and let the chord ring out for a few moments before pressing my hand down and stopping it, looking up at everyone. Moke, Dave and Damien clap with an impressed look on their faces, Damien’s being a little smug, as Finn and Cal give me a pleased smile, seemingly happy to hear me play again. 

“Damn, dude, is there anything you can’t do?” Will asked with a laugh beside me, making me chuckle.

“It’s a seven chord song. Damien could probably learn it,” I tease, causing an offended “Hey!” from Damien. Will pats my shoulder with a smile. 

“I’m serious. While you’d definitely need lessons to do anything near Adam, Andrew or Finn’s level, I’m convinced there’s nothing you can’t easily learn.”

“Oh, there’s a lot I can’t learn,” I said with an eye roll. One thing being how to stop messing shit up in my life, but I don’t say that out loud. 

The boys go back to chatting together, occasionally mentioning how we should find a studio as nice as this to practice in New York, but I stay out of the conversation. I do my best to retune Dave’s guitar before sliding it back on its stand, not wanting to feel like I messed with it too much. 

As I make my way back to my seat, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I slip it out and unlock it as I sit back down. 

Matty- Hey, sorry I missed your texts. The guys and I have been spending time with Noah. I don’t want to get into it too much over text, but he seems to be regretting that party. A lot. 

Matty- Sucks I couldn’t have met Will and hung out with everyone, but since we’re home and have some sense of normalcy back after about a month, we were hoping that might help him out a little bit. 

I stare at Matt’s texts for a few moments, trying to understand. He regrets it? I’m assuming he means sleeping with that girl, since I haven’t heard about him doing anything else stupid, but is he really regretting it that badly? 

Yeah, it upset me and threw me back into a bit of a rut, but those are easily triggered when my feelings get hurt. And I already knew that trying anything with Noah would put my feelings on the line, especially going so many years thinking of him rather than getting out there and moving on from him or my ex.

I sigh and think for a moment. I don’t know if Noah found out anything about Will and me yet, but I don’t want him regretting doing something we both did. Not that I can truly justify our actions, seeing as we both made bad decisions, but it’s not like it ruined everything between us, especially since this sounds like he regrets it because he wants to work on us, not because he had a one night stand. Hopefully.

But if he regrets it, that might mean he hasn’t heard anything yet about Will and me. Will that crush him? I keep ruminating in the thoughts until I’m pulled out by a hand touching my shoulder. I glance over and see Will, looking at me a little concerned. 

“Everything alright?” he asks with a quiet voice, not wanting to bring attention to me just in case. I do my best to give him a small smile and nod. 

“Yeah, there’s just something I have to do,” I reply softly, patting his hand before standing up. 

I make my way out into the hallway outside the studio, trying not to look upset so no one questions me, and pull up my contacts on my phone. 

I type in his name and click on it, bringing it up to my ear as it starts ringing. I glance around the hallway, not really wanting anyone getting any juicy gossip from the call and spreading anything, especially since Will’s whole band doesn’t fully understand what’s happening between the two of us. 

After it seemed like he wasn’t going to pick up, I finally hear Ruffilo’s voice on the other line. 

“Hello?” He answers, seemingly confused on why I called.

“Hey”

“Hey..uh…Is everything good?” It sounded like he almost said my name, probably refraining if he was around Noah.

“Yeah. Well..kinda. Matt told me why he was busy today and I just… I have a few questions and you’re the one who will have the most answers.” 

“Hold on,” I hear shuffling on the other line, probably him getting further from the guys so they don’t hear him talking about Noah, “Alright. What’s up?” 

“I really don’t know how to ease into it, but does Noah know about Will and me?” 

“I mean, pretty sure he has assumptions. No one’s been confirming or denying anything, worried it’ll upset him more,” he answers with a sigh. 

“Okay. I just didn’t want it to hurt him more if the information surprised him later. Another thing. I obviously don’t exactly know why he’s regretting the party, and I’m not sure how to get this information to him, but could he know that I’m not upset?”

“You’re not?”

“I mean, I really have no right to be. We both made bad decisions in the last week. Hell, we both made bad decisions since that night in the bar, but I don’t want it hurting him. What happened between us from the beginning was a little insane, and truthfully, I don’t think there’s a right way for either of us to have dealt with it, so I want him to know that I’m not upset with the decision he made. I do think it was dumb, mainly because it seemed like it was out of self destruction, but so was mine, so it’d be pretty hypocritical.” 

I hear him sigh on the other end, making me bite my lip as more stress seemed to fill me. 

“Listen, I’m really sorry to be putting you in the middle of this. I would tell Matt, but I don’t exactly know Noah’s feelings about him right now. And I know, that out of any of the boys, you have his best interests in mind, so-“

”Y/N, it’s okay,” he says, cutting me off on my tangent, “I’m just thinking of the best way to bring it up. But I’ll tell him. Not only do I want to see him back to his old self, I really want you two to make up. Especially with how happy he was when he knew we’d be touring together. So don’t worry, I’ll do my job and hopefully we can finally hang out as a group again soon.”

”Thank you, Nick. I really hope him and I can clear the air soon and be able to be around each other again without any tension. I miss hanging out with you four.”

”And we miss you. Alright, I’ll go sit him down and talk to him and let you know how it goes. But I gotta get out there soon before they come looking for me.”

”Bye, Nick.” I say with a small laugh. 

“Bye, Y/N” And then the line goes dead.

I let out a sigh and stare up at the ceiling, praying to whoever the hell is listening that I can fix all of this the best I can. 

Noah

I walk around the corner into the kitchen, needing to get a drink, when I hear Ruffilo’s voice. I don’t hear another, so he must be on the phone. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but as I made my way to the fridge, he was in perfect distance for my snooping ears. 

“We miss you...and talk to him...Bye, Y/N” I manage to pick up, with my ears instantly catching her name at the end. 

Why was he talking to Y/N in secret? Miss her? Talk to who? Me? I stood there with a confused look on my face until he came back through the hall, stopping once he saw me. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, seemingly not knowing what to say. 

“Was that Y/N?” I ask, trying to keep any tension out of my tone.

”Uh.. yeah.” He finally said. I stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to continue. It was obvious that I had questions, so I assumed he’d try to explain, but instead looks at me like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t.

”Okay…” I start off, “And I guess I wasn’t supposed to hear that then?” 

“What? Oh. Yeah, no, she uh… she called me. She told me to tell you that she isn’t mad at you,” he spits out at the end. I look at him even more confused. 

“Dude, what? Mad about what? Because if she wasn’t mad about everything happening the first week of tour, she would’ve talked to me by now…right?” I ask. He sighs and walks closer, coming and leaning on the island of the kitchen with a weird look on his face.

”She kind of spilled it on me, and I was hoping I’d have a little more time to think of a less awkward way to tell you, but that was her telling me to tell you that she isn’t mad about Halloween. I’m assuming that also means she isn’t upset about the whole fight you had either.” 

His words play in my head as I take them in, trying to make sense with the situation. And then they actually set in. 

“Fuck! She knew about Halloween?!” I start pacing. “No fucking wonder she went radio silent with everyone and then pops out with Will two fucking days later.”

”Oh, so you do know about her and Will?” He asks. I nod, because of fucking course I knew about them. Even with her apology-cover-video, it was obvious that her and Will were a thing now. 

“Apparently she heard that you weren’t taking everything well, and since she didn’t exactly think she could just call you, she wanted me to tell you that she wasn’t upset. She specifically said about Halloween, but she also mentioned wanting to work on the tension between you two, so I’m taking that as her not upset about the argument either,” he adds. 

I mirror him, leaning onto the island as I process everything. So she wasn’t upset anymore? Is it just because she already moved on and figured there's no reason for bad blood anymore? 

“She’s with Will now, isn’t she?” I ask, trying to understand the situation we were in.

“I mean, yeah, Calum, Finn, and Damien headed over to hang with the whole band earlier today, so I’m pretty sure,” he answered. I just nodded.

Things were finally starting to click. She was having a lot more fun with Will, so it was obvious if she wanted to try to make things work with him instead. And she still wants to be friends, which I’m willing to work with. It’s going to suck, but that’s the headspace I was in before her and I finally talked. As long as it means she’s in my life, I can work with this. 

“Okay,” I finally say. 

“Okay?” Ruffilo asks. 

“That’s good to hear. I don’t want her mad at me. I’ve been wanting to apologize, so I’m glad it seems like she’s finally wanting to talk to me again.” He gives me a slightly confused look before relaxing and nodding.

”Yeah. I’m not sure if we’ll see her anytime before we get to our next show, but I’m glad tour will run a little smoother now that you two can work on making up.” I do my best to give him a small smile and nod, already thinking of the next time I get to talk to her again. 

Y/N

After saying goodbye to everyone, the boys and I made our way to the rental van Damien borrowed from Nick, Will included. Listen, making a new friend, especially one you can only hang out with for the next day and a half, means you’re going to want to spend as much time with him as possible. So the boys are going to drop the two of us off at my hotel, since I’ve been spending way too much money on a room I feel like I’ve barely used, and I’m going to use this last day as my actual day of relaxation since my plans went to shit the second the Halloween party happened. 

We all pack into the minivan, the boys still riding the high of hanging out with another large band and learning so many new things from them and Dave, and we take off. 

“We really need to talk more about what’s coming next with our band,” Cal randomly threw in, “With Y/N finally accepting to do heavier vocals, I really think we could transform our sound in other ways.”

”What do you mean?” I ask. He turns around in the passenger seat to face the rest of us with that look on his face. The one that tells you that he’s been thinking about something way too much and is destined to make it happen.

”What if…I start playing guitar?” He finally says. We all stare at him for a few moments, both confused and intrigued. 

“Play…guitar. And then what will I do?” Asks Finn. 

“You’ll also play guitar.”

”Wait! Are you saying you’re gonna learn rhythm guitar?” Will cuts in, making Cal nod excitedly. 

“I can play bass and guitar, and have been missing guitar, so why not practically combine the two?”

“But do you know how hard it is to find a bassist? Especially one that’s not already in a band?” Damien says, making Cal face him.

”Well, we obviously have time, seeing as we still have a few months left of tour and will barely have time to work on new music…but we do already know another bassist.” Cal pretty much sings the last part, like he sees himself as a genius for this plan. 

”What? Who?” I ask. He gives me a smirk. 

“I mean, we did just meet him, and I haven’t heard him play, but the way he was talking about it makes me feel like it’s worth a shot.”

”Who- Wait! Austin?” I ask, earning another excited nod from Cal, who was practically leaning over the center console at this point. 

“I know it’s crazy, but he was so cool and the second we got to talking about music and playing bass, the ideas just started forming, so I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. And then after today and talking to Moke about it, I think it’s a really good idea. At least for us to think about and maybe talk to him about once we get an idea of what we should do with our sound.” 

“I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to try. Will and I have been throwing ideas around as a joke, but if you guys are down with it, I say let's get our ideas brewing.” I reply. Finn and Damien nod, seemingly running ideas through their own heads already, until Finn whips his head towards me. 

“Speaking of, what the fuck is going on with you two?” He asks, holding two fingers out to point at Will and me. I stare at him, a little stunned, before turning to Will on the other side of me, who has a sheepish look on his face. I turn back to Finn and awkwardly shrug.

“I mean, a lot and nothing at the same time.” I say. 

“And what the fuck does that mean?” Damien says with a laugh. I let out a sigh and lean against the back of the seat. 

“So I know I haven’t really told you two what’s been happening, other than that Noah and I haven’t exactly been on good terms lately, but a lot has been happening. And then at his birthday party, I found out that he slept with someone else.” Damien whips his head around to look at me, shocked, before quickly turning back to the road.

”He what?!” He practically yells. I nod before continuing.

“I was upset at first, like really upset, and that led me to wanting to…make some bad decisions.” Cal looks at me with a sad look, already knowing how bad I can get sometimes. 

“Hun, you know you can talk to us. I was wondering where you went when you disappeared from the party and then practically went MIA for a whole day.” Finn said, giving me an equally pitying look. 

“It’s okay now. Matt was nice enough to drive me back to the hotel, and after rotting in bed for a night, I ended up just buying a fuck ton of new clothes and going out to the club. So no bad decisions yet, but I was planning on it. I don’t know if I was looking to get back at Noah that night, or if I just wanted to get my mind off everything, but either way…I ended up taking someone back to my hotel room…” I continue, trailing off at the end. Cal instantly cranes his neck around the back of his seat to stare at Will, who just gave him an awkward smile. 

“I was indeed Mr. Rebound that night,” Will bashfully added. I nodded before continuing. 

“We both agreed that it was a one time thing and that it wasn’t going to be awkward, which I’m really glad about, because the last two days have been really fun just hanging out as friends.”

”Okay, but what about the rumors online? There’s a pic of you two walking down town, and then another that Austin posted of you two being quite snugly together.” Finn asked.

”That’s the thing. With everything going on with Noah, the last thing we need is the fans shoving their noses into all of it. So Will and I figured to just let those rumors run while Noah and I work everything out. I’m hoping I can get that information to Noah soon, not wanting to deal with any more miscommunication, but we still haven’t talked since that night in the bar.”

”And how do you plan on dealing with that?” Damien asks in an almost condescending tone, making me sigh. 

“I talked to Ruffilo today and told him to pass along that I wasn’t upset anymore and that I wanted to try working on everything between us, so I just have to wait for Noah to be up for it and willing to chat, I guess.” I answer, just as we pull up to my hotel. 

“I really want to hound you for more info right now, but I guess I’ll wait until we’re stuck on a tour bus together,” Finn says with a sigh. He leans over and gives me a hug as Will gets out of the car. 

“Love you. I’ll catch a ride to the house the morning of so we can head to the bus together, alright?” I say as I pull away from Finn and turn to Cal and Damien. They give me a smile, nod, and I make my way out of the car, meeting up with Will. 

We both wave to the boys as they drive away, then make our way up to my hotel room. Once inside, I quickly move to my suitcase and grab clothes, heading for the shower. 

“I’ve worn these clothes for way too long and my hair feels like I could fry bacon on it. Make yourself comfy,” I tell Will, earning a laugh, before shutting the door behind me. 

After turning on the shower and waiting for it to heat up, I stare at myself in the mirror. I look both rejuvenated and like I’ve been run over by a truck. I pull my hair out of the hair tie I put it in earlier today and brush out all the knots before finally stepping into the shower. Almost instantly, I feel the muscles in my shoulders loosen. I’ve been holding onto so much emotion lately, and while the war isn’t over yet, I have hope of the sun shining again. 

I spend a little too long in the shower, letting my thoughts ruminate on my plan and everything that has happened lately as I slowly clean off almost 3 days worth of sweat, dirt, and bad decisions. Finally leaving the relaxing water, I dry off, get dressed, and join Will. I see that he’s just playing on his phone, so I round the bed and fall face first onto it next to him. I feel a hand on my back as I bury my face into the mattress, letting out a deep sigh. 

“You alright?” he asks, lazily rubbing his hand against my shoulder. I do my best to nod with my face smushed, before turning my head and trying again. 

“I just wish I didn’t have to deal with all of this on top of dealing with my first big tour. I won’t be surprised if I start going grey before I even make it back home,” I mumble, the exhaustion evident in my voice. 

“I know. And it sucks that you didn’t get to do much relaxing on your break, but you have tonight and tomorrow, and if you need me to get out of your hair, I will,” he said in a soft voice, “Also I don’t think you’ve mentioned where you’re from. I heard someone talk about the east coast, but that’s about it.”

”You’re fine. I’ll lock myself in the bathroom if you get annoying,” I softly chuckle, “ And I grew up in Louisiana, but the boys and I are currently staying in New York. Kinda between NYC and Staten Island.”

As I say that, his hands stops rubbing my shoulder, making me look up, catching a shocked look on his face. 

“Dude, you live an hour away from me,” he finally says, making me cock my head, stunned. 

“You’re joking.” I laugh out as I sit up to face him. 

“Dude, we’re hanging out all the time when your tour ends. Bro…” He starts to sit up, getting excited, “I have so much shit to show you down by where I live. And you’re showing me shit, too. This is great. I was so worried about when we’d get to hang out again.”

I laugh at his excitement, feeling the same. We didn’t have many friends up where we lived. Yeah, we made friends with a few other local bands, but never had the time to actually get close to them outside of occasionally playing together, so knowing Will was about an hours drive was amazing to know. The two of us talk, making plans of different things we want to show each other when I’m back home, until we finally both get tired and eventually crash.

Y/N

The tour bus shakes as we drive over what I assume was a pot-hole, causing my pen to scratch as I try to write. I let out a small curse, not in the mood to be dealing with any more inconveniences. 

Music blasted through my headphones as I wrote down more and more shitty lyrics. I gave up on journaling, just turning every thought I had into ideas for new music. I’ll eventually work all of this out with someone to make it actually make sense. 

After a day of bumming out with Will, him needing to leave the night before we hit the road again, and then a simple yet awkward encounter with Noah and the boys, we were finally all back on our buses and continuing the tour. Nothing really happened when I stopped by the boy’s place to meet up with my band, Finn and Damien taking up most of my time making sure we had absolutely everything perfect before leaving. I exchanged a few greetings with the other group, finally speaking to Matt for the first time since the party, and Noah and I just gave each other a small smile before we were hauling our belongings and taking off. 

The tension seemed to ease, but it wasn’t gone. It’s still a work in progress. The first few shows after we got back were a little awkward still, but we were able to be in the same room together and not have the tension between us fill the room. But it also didn’t help that I just haven’t been in the best mood since getting back into it.

I wish I could easily explain why the second I stepped onto the bus and we all got settled, my mood shifted again, but I’m doing the best I can to use it to my advantage and not have the other boys worry about me. I thought the break and last day of relaxation would help me, but I think it may have made things worse. I think after the days of chatting with Will, then finally meeting him, him turning into an intense healing experience, that leaving him was a little harder than I expected. I knew he became a feeling of safety while I was with him, but I wasn’t expecting to attach to him that badly. 

I may have become addicted to his presence while I had it. The comfort it gave me. How easily he helped me work through everything I’ve been dealing with, and then easily distract me from it all right after. I truly hadn’t had someone in my life like him in…probably forever. 

I’ve had this reaction to two people in my life so far. First was Finn, back when he was my only friend. I followed him around like a puppy and every time he was busy and couldn’t spend time with me, I just felt lost. Like my entire existence started orbiting his. When he introduced me to Damien and Cal, and I started feeling closer to them as well, the connection dispersed between them all, dwindling the dependance I had on Finn. So once I saw all of the boys equally, all as brothers instead of one being my favorite, I lost the intense obsession with our friendship and was able to actually enjoy the time with and away from them all. 

The second was my ex. He even reciprocated the obsession. It was the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever experienced. I did everything to please him, and he’d never let me go. He got me hooked on things I can’t even think about, purely because I wanted him to appreciate me and he wanted us to connect more, even if it was through addiction. 

I didn’t see the boys for months at one point, just spending every second by Chris’ side, either strung out, playing music, or fucking. It took so long for me to realize that I wasn’t actually happy living like that. And the realization only came after I found out he decided to ‘move on’ while on tour. He still gave me the same sweet talk every time I called, but was actually fucking every fan girl he had.

I finally managed to break through the obsession, with my boys’ help. I left and got clean. I ignored every message Chris sent. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. And life was going fine…until I got the news. He died while on tour. I was even more of a wreck for the months following that than I was when I was with him, but with enough support and distraction from my boys, I did it. 

Over the course of about a year, I found healthy coping mechanisms, mainly music, and persevered. I got better. I used my emotions about it all for our music, yet did my best not to dwell on it all, and things worked out. Our band flourished. Even with the whole Noah situation, I knew how to handle obsessive thoughts and I thought I was learning how to be better. 

Things were good. I was good. I was happy. To not rely on another person for my own comfort felt amazing. But now the feeling was back. And it was attached to a person I couldn’t stay close to. Will went back to New Jersey and I had to hit the road. I was doing my best not to seclude myself, but I didn’t want to keep ruining everyone’s mood all tour, so I’ve just been hiding in my bunk or the back of the bus, mainly using the excuse that I was working on songs so they’d leave me alone. 

It wasn’t a romantic obsession. It barely felt platonic at this point. My brain just felt like it needed him now. I needed to know that he was there for me. That he was doing good, just so that I could be doing okay, too. But with all of these feelings came with me pushing him away. Between hoping that staying away from him would ease this feeling, and the weird pain in my chest that I’d get every time he was too busy to talk, I just began ignoring every message and call. I couldn’t feel the pain of being ignored or alone if I ignored him. 

The boys have definitely noticed that something was off, but with everything happening, they most likely figured it was just the stress of everything happening, so they’ve been helping with what they could. Every time we got to a venue, they’d let me seclude myself on the bus until it was time for sound check. While the other guys did their soundcheck or did their set, they’d let me wander off, assuming I just needed more space. But I think they were getting a little concerned with the fact that I’ve been a little more distant with the crowd. I don’t mean to. I felt absolutely terrible, but my mind was a fucking mess between planning out how to get the whole Noah situation fixed and feeling like my safety blanket was left behind. 

I just slowly became numb on stage. Finn had to start asking the crowd for the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song after I completely forgot about it one night. I faked a laugh and did my best to play it off, but I knew my boys were starting to see right through me, so they took that resposibility from me and started doing it for me. 

After our sets, I’d do my best to thank the crowd with a smile and walk off, but the second I was off stage, I was instantly walking away from everything. I’d either hide in the bathroom or my bunk. A few shows, I’d just go for a walk if we were in a nice area and only come back when I knew we were packing up to head onto the next show. I heard one of the boys give the group another excuse every time, but I could tell that even they were starting to catch on, too. At first, I was getting a ‘hope you feel better’ text from Nick, Matt stopping by before we hit the road to give me a few extra waters and snacks, and even had Jolly ask if I wanted to join him while running to the store, assuming I just needed a break from everyone and everything. But when I got a few texts from Ruffilo, I knew at least he had caught on. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks once I got the courage to read it. I haven’t replied yet, not knowing my answer, but I’ve been debating it. I know he’s a good person and an amazing friend, seeing how sane he keeps his friends, especially Noah, but I would feel terrible adding my problems onto his plate. But I also keep telling myself that he wouldn’t reach out unless he was completely serious. 

Speaking of Noah, nothing has really happened. He’s acting differently, but still keeping his distance. Maybe because he can sense that I may need it, but it seems like he needs it, too. I have no way of knowing what’s going on inside his head, but I’ve been regretting that cover I did. Even though I told Ruffilo to let him know I didn’t have any hard feelings about us anymore, I definitely added more confusing feelings to everything we’ve been dealing with. I haven’t gotten a reaction or response or anything from him about it, but I know the boys showed him. 

I want to reach out. So badly. But I can’t. I haven’t said more than a handful of words to my own bandmates lately, ao speaking to him is currently off the table. 

Life has just been a mess. I can’t speak to anyone. I’m ignoring the one person who could help me, purely because I’m convinced it’s going to make it worse since I can’t handle these obsessive feelings again. Finn almost yelled at me for smoking yesterday, but once he saw the look in my eyes, he just pretended like he didn’t even see me. I know my boys want to reach out to help, but I feel like they know that it won’t go anywhere. They haven’t seen me like this yet, but they can pick up on how I’ve acted before and can see that there may be no pulling me out of this funk. I’m just going to have to do it myself. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about falling back into worse things, but I couldn’t do that to the boys. To the person they love and to the career we finally got moving forward. Or the other group. They chose us for a reason. I couldn’t have them thinking they made a mistake. I couldn’t have them getting any heat because they’re now associated with a band whose frontman was strung out on stage. And I couldn’t do that to Noah. He’s dealing with enough. I know that even if I become the worst version of myself, it’ll never push him away, it’ll only drown him. 

So I’m going to stick to secluding myself, blasting music, occasionally smoking a much needed cigarette, and writing more songs. More than anything did I want to call Will and ask for help, never writing songs like this before. And I couldn’t show these to my boys just yet, not wanting them to see these emotions and having to deal with the absolute trainwreck on paper they were at the moment, so I was stuck trying to work it out myself. 

I feel the tour bus pull off to a rest stop again, probably the 7th time today. Damien was complaining all night about his stomach after eating out with the guys last night, and you can’t exactly use the toilets on the buses, so he had to repeatedly ask the driver to stop when we could. It only bothered me because we were constantly going between the lulling rumble that I’ve finally gotten used to again, to the idling shake as we waited. And I desperately wanted to step off and stretch my legs, maybe buy a snack or something, but I really didn’t want to leave my bunk and be seen by the others. 

I was brought out of my thoughts by the curtain of my bunk opening slightly, with Finn’s head peeking through to check on me. I took a headphone out and gave him a fake half smile. Seeing that I was awake and willing to give him my attention, he pulled the curtain back more and gave me a pitiful smile, before handing me a tea and candy bar.

”I figured you’d want something sweet since Damien always hides the good snacks,” he said, sounding a little timid.

I eyed the snacks in his hand for a moment, before reaching out and taking him. I gave him a small ‘thanks’ and he looked a little too excited to hear me speak to him.

I was waiting for him to leave just like every other time he not so subtly checked on me, but he just stood there, internally debating something. 

“Can we please talk?” he finally asked. I looked at him, about to tell him that everything was fine and not to worry, but something in me wanted to finally give in. 

“Only to you..” I spoke softly. He instantly nodded and looked around the bus, before beckoning me to follow him. 

I paused my music and slid out of my bunk, finally stretching my legs a bit, before following him to the back of the bus. There was a curtain you could pull to close it off from the rest of the bus, so once we entered, he closed it so we could have a little privacy. Once we both sat down, he began speaking. 

“Okay, I don’t want to push you, so only answer what you feel comfortable with, okay?” I nodded and he let out a deep sigh. 

“My love. I am so unbelievably worried about you. We all are. Even the other guys. I know that you have these moments and that life is kind of a mess right now, but I just need something from you. I need to know that you’re still here. That you’re still you. Please.”

”I..I’m sorry..” was all I could get out. He gave me a sad look. 

“Please don’t apologize for this. I just need you to know that you don’t have to deal with this alone. We’ve been here for you before, so I don’t know why we can’t help you now.”

”I’m just dealing with things I haven’t dealt with in a long time. Things I never really mentioned to anyone before. So it’s weird talking about them now.” He reached his hand out and held mine, rubbing his thumb over the back to try and soothe me. 

“You know we’d never judge you. Yes, we tease you, but never about your problems. And you have new people in your life now who love you almost as much as we do, and you’re not talking to them either. Will has been blowing up my phone, asking for any updates I can give, because he’s terrified, thinking of all the reasons why you’re not talking to him.”

My head dropped at the mention of his name. Fuck, I am hurting him. He doesn’t deserve this. 

“I…I can’t”

”Can’t what?” He asked. 

“Talk to him…” He gave me a confused look.

”You looked so happy spending time with him. You were so upset knowing you couldn’t see him until we get back home. What could have possibly happened in that time?”

I just sat there, staring at my hands, debating if I share one of the most embarrassing things about myself. I could barely look him in the eye when I had to ask for help when dealing with Chris. It took me forever to tell him everything about Noah. Can I tell him this?

I felt droplets falling onto my hand, making me realize I was now crying. I tried to reach up and wipe my tears, but Finn beat me to it. I finally took this moment to look him in the eyes for what felt like the first time in forever, and my heart broke at the pain in them, caused by me acting like this. With a deep breath, I began to tell him everything. 

I told him about how safe Will made me feel. How terrifying it was getting to be away from him. I told him about how this happened in the past. But this time, it was feeling so much harder to deal with. Pushing myself away from him before it hurt me more. I told him about the cravings. Apologized for smoking. How I wish none of this ever happened, because I couldn’t handle dealing with all the emotions. I even finally told him about the cover I sent to Noah, and how I haven’t heard a single thing from him since. Everything that has been running through my mind the past few days just spewed from my lips, each sentence hitting Finn like a truck full of pain. 

He did his best to comfort me, but because most of it was problems he never had to work with before, we were both left feeling lost. So now I was silently sobbing into his chest as he held me, telling me that it was okay and that we can work this out. 

After about ten minutes, my sobs dying down, I finally spoke again. 

“And to top it all off, the 17th is coming up..” I said with a sniffle. The 17th was the day Chris passed. It was always hard for me, but I’ve been able to handle it the best I could in the past, but with everything happening this year, I don’t know how hard it will hit me.

”Oh, Hun..” he said, frowning, “We can get through this like we always do. It’s a completely different problem for you to deal with, so if we just seperate that from everything else, I promise we can work through this.”

I nodded and gave him another hug. I was definitely feeling better now that I finally let tears fall and let my thoughts out on more than just paper. 

After collecting myself a little more, we stood and made our way towards the front of the bus. The boys looked shocked to see me. I know I probably looked like a mess, as I’ve only been putting effort into my appearance when I go on stage, but they were definitely more shocked to see me coming to them for the first time in over a week. 

I walked to Damien first and gave him a big hug. He tensed in confusion for a second, but quickly relaxed and squeezed me tight. I giggled softly until he finally let me go, then did the same with Cal, who welcomed me with open arms and a proud smile. He held me close and dug his face into my shoulder, like he truly missed me. Then more arms joined us. I was now the center of a group hug and couldn’t help but laugh as they squeezed me half to death. 

“I’m so glad to see you doing better,” Damien said, and I heard his voice waver slightly. I felt terrible doing this to them. 

“I’m sorry for acting like this, I really should be coming to you when I need help, it’s just hard. But you’re the best family I could’ve asked for and I really need to take advantage of it,” I said as they start pulling away.

”Anything you need, we’re here for you. Always,” Cal stated. 

“Now that you say that, I might have something I could use your help with,” I mumbled.

I took a deep breath. I had to do this. It was an outrageous step, but it was what I needed to do if I wanted to start working on myself. I stepped forward towards the mic and looked over the hundred of cheering faces in front of me. I took out my ear piece, wanting to feel closer to them as I began speaking. 

“So, I know that there’s been some speculation lately. On how shit I’ve looked the past few shows,” I let out a little laugh, “And mainly my interaction with all of you. And I’m very sorry. I know excuses are a terrible apology, but I feel like I should explain just a little.”

The crowd died down, letting me give my speech.

“I know all of you understand what it’s like to have a bad day. Nothing goes right, you don’t want to talk to people, and you just want to lose your mind a little but. Sadly, that’s been a little too common for me lately. Life has been crazy, everything seems to be going wrong, and all I want to do is lay in bed. But you all push me to persevere.”

I pause to collect myself, knowing this will be a little rough for me.

“Now, I’m going to be very vulnerable here. When I look out and see all of you, I see a safe space, so please be nice to me,” I laugh again before taking a deep breath, “I used to deal with a lot. Life became too much and I chose not so great people to be around. With that, came falling down the pit that is…addiction…Now, I’ve been clean for coming on six years-“ The crowd cheered as I said that, causing my lip to quiver and I could feel emotion building in my throat, but I held my composure, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have those bad days. I struggle with a plethora of mental health issues, and sometimes I want to fall back into the false safety of those old days. But I don’t. Because of the boys behind me,” I pause and hold out my arms, motioning to my bandmates, “Some amazing people that have come into my life recently,” I glance over to the side stage, catching a shocked Ruffilo and Noah, Jolly and Nick creeping in behind them to hear what I have to say, then out towards Front of House where Matt sat, before finally looking back at the crowd, “And most importantly, all of you.”

I pause to wipe a tear that fell down my cheek as the crowd cheered once more.

“So, today, I am sadly once again revoking the privilege of the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. I know. I’d hate me, too, but the reason I’m doing this is because I’ve learned that the best way to convey a message is through music. I have so much I have to say, and I am unbelievably bad at speeches, so I’m using one of my favorite songs to speak to you all.”

I pause to wipe a tear that fell down my cheek as the crowd cheered once more.

“This is wildly out of our genre. While that has never been a problem to any of you before, I still feel as if I should still warn you. Now, without further ado, here’s a song that has helped me more than I could ever explain.” 

An array of applause flows through the building as the boys got ready to play. I was thankful they were so incredibly talented that they were willing to play a song that they had just learned earlier today. I take a look back at them, and once they all gave me a thumbs up, I began. 

I started using again

Left my heart in Rocky Hill

Hole burning in my head

Needed a distraction from my head

Devil on my shoulder said try this instead

So I started using again

A saw a few fans singing along, both warming and breaking my heart. To know this song meant to know struggle. But to share that with them meant so much. 

I started sleeping again

Traded late nights and sheep for Vicodin

The guilt burning in my chest set it

I started sleeping again

I took the mic off the stand, getting ready for the next part, wanting to finally feel emotion in the music I perform again.

I stopped wishing I was dead

Learned to love myself 

Before anyone else

Become more than just a burden

I know I’m more than worthy of your time

I drop the mic to my side as Damien went crazy on the drums and Finn played a riff that he managed to execute perfectly, before singing again. 

I started smoking again

Guess I missed coughing my lungs up

Every morning 

Needing anything to keep me breathing

To prevent my blood from bleeding

I started smoking again

They all stopped playing, besides Finn picking the soft tune on his guitar. 

I started loving again

Thought when I lost that will to live

I could never feel again

I’ll give it one more shot

And let someone in

I started loving again

Cam started playing again, getting louder by the second.

I started loving again

I started loving again

I started loving again

I took a deep breath, putting the mic back on the stand, but then grabbed the stand to stabilize myself. 

I stopped wishing I was dead

Learned to love myself

Before anyone else

Become more than just a burden

I know I’m more than worthy of your time

I’m more than worthy of your time

I’m more than worthy of your time

I stepped away as the music died out. It took a few seconds, but soon the cheers came rumbling through the building, causing a smile to form on my face. I hated being vulnerable, but it was time. I’ll never fully heal that part of me, but being able to do this in front of so many supportive fans was a huge step for me. 

After giving the crowd a long and appreciative goodbye and doing my best to hype them up for Bad Omens, even after the emotional show we had, the boys and I made our way off stage. I desperately wanted to run back to the bus and hide like I had been doing all week, but I pushed those thoughts away and walked towards backstage. This would be the first time I was going to really talk to the other band since the halloween party, other times just giving passing words, barely giving them a glance. 

With a deep breath, I stepped into the room and all of their eyes shot up to see me. I wanted to cower away, hide from the confrontation. It was bad enough that I just said all of that to thousands of fans, now I had to deal with these four, and it was going to be so much harder. 

None of us seemed to know how to react. I noticed that all of them had slightly puffy, red eyes, Noah’s being visibly redder than the rest, but I didn’t want to think about that too much to keep my own at bay. 

“So uh… I guess this is where I apologize for how I’ve been acting...” I awkwardly trail out, shifting between my feet as they all just stared at me. 

“What? No! You don’t have to apologize!” Ruffilo rushed out as he stood to walk towards me, “I’m just glad you’re okay. We’ve been so worried about you. And oh my god, did that take some balls out there.” 

A smile creeped onto my lips as he talked. It did feel really good to take that step and get some of this off my chest. The rest of the guys stood and walked towards me, Noah trailing behind, keeping his distance. 

“Y/N, you are one strong motherfucker. Never apologize for that. We all understand that life gets bad sometimes and you just need a break, but I want you to know that we would never judge you for that.” Nick said. 

I couldn’t stop the tears before they came pouring down my face, despite not wanting to spill any more. All I could do was raise my arms, and they came in to give me a hug. I did my best to keep my tears from getting on Ruffilo’s shirt, but I feel like the fans would understand if they did see a wet spot. 

I opened my eyes during the hug and saw a pair of skinny long legs standing awkwardly behind the others. With a small laugh mixed with a choked sob, I beckoned with the hand closest to him. 

“Noah, get your ass in here.” His breath audibly hitched as I said his name, but he slowly made his way in and joined us. Then the three boys behind me did as well. And now I was trapped between seven men with no way out, slowly losing oxygen. 

“Okay. Okay. I need to breathe.” I finally exclaimed after a few moments, making a few of them laugh. 

They all pulled away and a few of them even wiped their eyes as they did. 

“I love you all. I really do. I know I haven’t put much effort in getting close to some of you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you all mean so much to me,” I spoke, looking at all of them, “But that being said, wipe your tears and get out there.”

They chuckled and went back to getting ready to head on stage. Noah lingered a little longer than the rest, like he wanted to say something, but decided against it and joined the rest of them. 

“You gonna stay and watch our set this time?” Jolly called out as he walked towards side stage. I give him a small smile. 

”I have to call someone first, but I’ll be there.”

[vesna-v-irkutske]

How do you imagine Nikita as a boyfriend? (Even if you doubt he would have a girlfriend, dang if he just knew how many girls like him now😭)

I need to add "headcanon tcc" to all my other achievements, lol.

I feel like it'd be like with his friendships, but with more awkwardness, at least at first. He'd never have taken the initiative, everything would have to be done by another person. I don't think he'd have even genuinely hoped for anything, he considered himself crap and worthless. And it'd feel a little strange for him that someone is really kind to him and wants to spend time with him (and possibly in a ROMANTIC way!), and doesn't mock him or use him. He'd be equally happy and anxious. Perhaps he'd have lost sleep over it, thinking about everything, it could be summed up as "Maybe..! No..." In short, the other person would have to take the initiative in communicating with him, at least at the very beginning, make him feel comfortable, support and listen to him. He needed someone with whom he could just be his quiet self, and another person would take lead, and it'd give HIM confidence, and he'd also start doing something.

More below. 👇🏻

🤍× In the established relationship, well, I think he'd still feel awkward and nervous, it'd take time for him to stop worrying about possibly being boring and not good enough. I mean, he wouldn't be all 🥺😔🙁, he'd just feel insecure from time to time, just some self-doubt in the back of his head, especially if he felt bad mentally. 🤍× He'd probably feel kinda ashamed of himself being good-for-nothing, not conventionally attractive or rich, for being an apathetic wreck that struggles with basic things such as hygiene. 🤍× Maybe he'd feel the pressure of responsibility. Because it's so serious now! He'd feel like the other person expects him to do something, like in typical TV series and movies, and it'd stress him out. He'd constantly need to be reassured, to have some (non-verbal) confirmation that the person was having fun with him and didn't feel some kinda envy when looking at other couples. 🤍× From time to time, he'd internally struggle with "I don't want to be a loser, I'm a MAN, I have to be a leader in this relationship." Another thing to be insecure about. 🤍× But apart from that, he'd constantly try to come up with something interesting to do. But he didn't really like ACTUALLY doing things and leaving the house, he probably wouldn't be a big fan of typical dates and all that jazz, he was broke anyway (but I think it'd be possible to drag him somewhere, but he'd feel awkward and nervous at first, and he'd kinda hate it because it'd be new to him, but then he'd start having fun in the process and think, "Well, I guess it wasn't that bad"). He'd rather be at home or at another person's place, or just taking a walk with them. Or doing some stupid shit if he feels comfortable and silly enough. 🤍× He's the type of person to suggest something and look at the other person, gauging their reaction, waiting for an approving signal to continue and develop the thought. It'd make him more at ease, more confident. 🤍× One of his favorite things to do would be to browse the internet, watching videos and playing games together. I think he'd feel pretty hyped and confident when he showed what he liked, what he was interested in, anything to make himself look cool, interesting, knowledgeable in something. He desperately needed someone who shared his interests and understanded him. Maybe he would have offered to participate in the making of his new album somehow. 🤍× Overall, he'd be kinda fun and chill if he felt comfortable. And maybe a little crazy, saying and doing weird stuff, if too comfortable. 🤍× The type of person to get PAINFULLY attached. Sometimes he'd prefer to be alone, but he'd miss the person pretty quickly. He'd HATE to be physically far away and for a long period of time (and that long period would be, like... a week or less), like, he'd be VERY upset. Would feel SUPER frustrated if one of them had some stuff to do and they wouldn't be able see each other. For example, some kinda trip. 🤍× He could get upset/frustrated/mad because of something, but he wouldn't talk about it and say what it was. He probably would have said that everything was fine, but you could tell by his frown that something was wrong. You'd have to torture him to get him to tell you. 🤍× There's a possibility of him hiding behind the "Oh, I'm so tuff" persona and 100 layers of irony, sarcasm and trolling (and then lowkey forgetting who the hell he actually is) when he doesn't feel like opening up and being vulnerable. 🤍× Overall, he'd be inexperienced in right about everything and make mistakes because of it, but he wouldn't actually wanna mess it all up. He'd be pretty reliable and trustworthy. And easy to control. Don't use that against him. </3 🤍× He'd feel scared of getting hurt.

[justyourtypicalwriter]

Wondering if you have any headcanons for what jobs the kids pursued when they got older

Hi!!

So l actually haven't put much thought into this (I probably should) as I don't currently have a "post cannon" middle ground between the show and PC (pre-teen/teen/young adult) so I'll just give you their most used occupations in my "incredibly scuffed clashing with cannon" aus :)

Stan - Anything revolving around animals or child education. Veterinary, wildlife rescue/rehab, music teacher, world history teacher. I highkey pulled the world history one out of my ass. I just remembered all the epics and legends I learned in that course and I feel like Stan would be all over that

Kyle - Law, child psychology, music, art. Law for obvious reasons, yes follow in your fathers footsteps not because you want to be like him but because you want to be BETTER than him (sorry gang, I hate Gerald as much of some of yall hate Randy). Child Psychology is pretty widely accepted by everyone it sense for Kyle to want to help kids (add in watching his friends go through childhood trauma and not being able to do anything about it as a motivator and the story is chefs kiss) some of my Kyle's would KILL to have this job but I fuck them over a little to much and they can't (sorry bb, I love you I swear). Hear me out: slutty indie singer Kyle and his shitty band of childhood trauma repressors to challenge Crimson Dawn, PEAK rivals to lovers. I have no clue why but I’ve been chipping away at a starving artists au since May and bpd artist icon Kyle has lived rent free in my head ever since

Kenny - Paramedic, doctor, firefighter, scientist. I LIVE for Kenny getting high stakes jobs that match his high stakes life style so I feel he’d excel at jobs where he’d have to get creative on spot. I also adore the smart Kenny who still acts like a himbo thing. PC, he’s a smart little freak and I love that

Cartman - CEO or entrepreneur. I will always be a sucker for self made business man Cartman wether he’s an antagonist or protagonist. I think it adds so much to his character. Either he’s the antagonist and does some fucked up shit to the protagonist (typically Kyle or Butters let’s be so fr) and an issue for the plot is no one believes them since he’s held in such a good light by the community. OR the antagonist is a higher power and by helping the protagonist, his playing all his cards and risking loosing EVERYTHING

Butters - Baker. I’m sorry, he deserves all good things and the Vic Chaos plot doesn’t really do it for me. I want to give him a cute little bakery to just relax and decompress from that traumatic ass childhood

Craig - Astronomer, racing, detective, forensic pathologist. I feel like the first two are pretty self explanatory lmfaoo. And Kivea and acreekinthenight turned me on the other two. Craig having a high risk, stress heavy job really allows more character development and lore opportunities

Tweek - I’m guilty of criminally negligent my little meth addict and I think the only job I’ve given him is keyboardist for Crimson Dawn. Kinda wanna give him a gun and see what happens

Clyde & Tolkien - Film/screen play writing, club owners. Now these aren’t the only jobs I write for them. I’ve got plenty of separate ones but ever since I started the SDAU, I live for them working together in the film industry. And they’re literally THE club owners. Chaotic as fuck but the

Jimmy - Comedian. Let the king keep his crown bro. I could never cut the comedy aspect out

Wendy - Something in politics or child education. Wendy for president man, she’d have my vote. Also I could picture her and Kyle working at the same school. They’d gossip so much smh

Bebe - SALON OWNER BEBE MY LOVE!!! Let her be an independent business woman and still kind of a bimbo

[aventuras-de-andre]

In another edition of AUs I Think About Daily, imagine if when morgana ran away to stay with the druids, nothing went wrong. take my hand. walk with me here.

merlin finds the druids and immediately hides them with magic. he tries to convince morgana to come back and eventually settles in a system where he helps her correspond with gwen (he hopes gwen will talk her into coming back. gwen thinks morgana ran away and is like good for her). uther still loses his shit and orders 18474 searches but the druids are never found. there’s the possibility of someone finding the correspondence but this is My Happy Au So, No :D

back at the druid camp morgana lowkey raises mordred, they are thriving.

Throughout the years merlin keeps going to the druid camp for help. at first it’s really tense, the vibe is very much morgana feeling blackmailed because merlin can reveal her at any moment. and merlin is stressed because he only seeks her out when the dragon’s advice involves putting his morals at play. and slowly merlin begins averting The Prophecy by getting a second opinion from morgana.

eventually, when arthur legalises magic (i am delusional) he is like okay i need a court sorcerer. and merlin is like mm what if we ask the druids to send someone?

and obviously, obviously it’s morgana.

later arthur almost dies in Some Battle That Still Happens and merlin saves him, revealing his magic. when they get back to camelot arthur is giving a speech to the round table gang like yes, merlin has magic but he has proven to be the most loyal ally camelot has ever had

and morgana is across the round table trying to blow merlin up with her mind because are you fucking serious

[fereldanwench]

i'm finally starting to feel human again and i actually have the time to do an update

so um

the update:

ya girl is diabetic (idk what type yet tho bc doctors are clowns)

so this week i learned that birth control side effects and fucking diabetic keto acidosis apparently have some overlapping symptoms lmao

all the issues i was having? the leg cramps, fatigue, shortness of breath--it's because my blood was literally poisoning me! i was also peeing a lot, but this honestly didn't register with me as being that abnormal because i have always had to pee a lot because i always drink a lot of water. i was also losing weight, but i was trying to lose weight, so again, didn't register as a bad thing

diabetes was obviously not what was my first assumption was given that all this also perfectly aligned with my birth control issues (i honestly thought i was going to have a blood clot or something but everything was fine on that front, fortunately), but it was something that was kind of at the back of my mind because my brother is also diabetic. he was misdiagnosed as a type 2 at the beginning of 2019, but after he couldn't get it into remission despite losing almost half his body weight, he found out that he's actually the adult-onset type 1 or "1.5" type of diabetic

despite me telling the doctors this, i was literally told they "don't care about the type" because my blood sugar was super high and the initial treatment is going to be insulin injections regardless. i'm trying to keep my stress levels at a minimum right now so i will forgo a rant but needless to say, NO ONE LIKED THAT RESPONSE!!! (my brother was especially pissed--he could basically be a blueprint for what i went through but why listen to patients when they answer your questions about family history when you can just ignore them!)

so yeah, i'm on fast-acting insulin injections 3x/day with meals and long-acting insulin at night, and a very carefully curated diet with lots of veggies and lean protein. my glucose levels are steadily getting lower and i am feeling much, much better, but my sleep is all fucked up from the hospital visit (on top of the time change) and i'm still a little light-headed if i move too fast

my follow-up is friday so obviously i will be asking for the tests to determine type because what the actual fuck and can hopefully fine-tune my treatment

emotionally/mentally i'm... fine. ish. lmao. seeing that my brother has gone through this and seeing how well he's been able to manage it and still live a very full life (including traveling a lot) i think has done a lot to prevent this from feeling too scary and overwhelming. he and i are very close too--he actually picked me up from the hospital so he could give me some 'betes starter gear--so i have a good support system here

but the crying comes in waves, lmao. i had a nice good breakdown last night. not knowing the type is kind of delaying my ability to process it, too, because if it's type 2, i will put this bitch into remission!!! but if it's type 1, that's gonna be a lot harder to cope with, i think

i really get most emotional when i tell other people about it bc i immediately feel the need to assure them i'm fine, lmao. and for some reason other people telling me i'll be fine also makes me cry so it's just kjdfhgjdkfgdfgdfg

anyway, i wanted to give an update since i said i would and i know i certainly appreciate it when my friends who get hospitalized let me know they're okay lmao, but despite my usual oversharing tendencies, i actually don't really want to talk about this here! at least not right now. something about it feels very personal to me, idk. maybe it's because this is such a high-judgement disease and i just don't want to fucking hear shit about it!!

and for my final thought, i would just like to say that potassium IV drips fucking suck balls, and my arms are so goddamn sore and bruised from all the stabs and pokes and prods and squeezes

[beef-brisket]

As Adam starts to tackle the next god, Nifty, he finds more people looking for a safe haven. Zestial mentioned to Adam that many innocence had been affected by the four gods' rule, and if he were to help them, it'll surely put him in better favour with Lu- He Who Waits.

What he didn't realise is how much these people would need to rely on him.

Sure, he had a feeling they would be vulnerable, but after nearly three weeks, you'd think they'd be able to think for themselves a little bit.

Adam: Alright, eat up! Bitches...

Everyone smiled and came to get a bowl of food. They can't even cook for themselves! Or think for themselves, but it's more an annoyance than a burden. At least, that's what He Who Waits would say.

Angel: Oh, Adam! There you are! Are you about to head out to fight Nifty? Again?

Adam wanted to punch him in his creepy, spider face! Nifty was a bitch to fight, and between dealing with her, looking for food for everyone, and getting enough damn money, he was a little but stressed.

Not to mention, the god loves to stab him in the back.

Adam: Uh huh. Yep. Again. What do you want, Angel?

Angel: Well- Good luck and all that shit, but I have a great idea! To lessen the load o. Your back, you know? Something that we can do as a collective.

Adam: Uh- yeah. Okay, cool, actually. Whatever it is, it sounds like a big help. So... what's the idea?

Angel: So- you have to clean up our shit, right?

Adam stared at the spider: ...Yes. yes I do...

Angel: You're going to LOVE this! I think... we should EAT it!

Adam: ...Eat... what?

Angel: Our shit!

Adam: ...WHAT?!

✨Cult of Adam✨

@beef-brisket

Adam was being led to his demise, it was a known thing that the bishops demanded a sacrifice for their loyalty. And a lamb was the most common.

Being the last of his kind, Adam not only feared for his life but for the lives of those who would die after him to please these so called gods.

A figure wearing a cloak brought him before the four bishops.

Alastor of Darkwood.

Vox of Anura.

Velvette of Anchor Deep.

And Nifty of Silks Cradle.

There had been rumors of a fifth god.... But no one knows what happened to him.

Alastor: Fine day, let us bring this lamb to slaughter.

The others agreed and Adam shook with fear, his head placed on the chopping block.

Then all went black......

Then he was in a very bright place, was this heaven?

A chuckle could be heard and turning there was a man with snake features who was chained down.

Lucifer: I am Lucifer, the true ruler of the land. I wish to give you an opportunity to not only help me escape my prison but to enact revenge on those who looked down on you and slaughtered you for nothing.

Adam: Really?

Lucifer: Yes, all I ask in return is that you start a cult in my name. I'll give you my crown to tap into my power.

The golden crown floating above Lucifer's head glowed, an eye on the middle.

Adam: I accept.

Lucifer grinned: I thought you might.

The crown floated over and was placed on Adam's head.

And then he woke up back in the land of the living, feeling power like no other.

[fencecollapsed]

I'm gonna stop promising a Paul video at all actually, every time I think about it I stress myself out and I keep thinking of things I want to make more first. I'm realizing I just fully don't want to do it at the moment and I kinda feel more obligated to than anything. that's not how I want to make my stuff :/ it's not gonna be fun if I feel like I Have To. all I'm promising now is that I'll make Hatchetfield character studies when I want to and Paul will get one when I'm REALLY feeling it, which might take a while and also could be never hgjskgnd who knows! I don't! AAAAAAA

[candyheartedchy]

It’s been 4 days since I drew any of my self ships.

[afurtivecake]

kevin/ichirou in a way that's wildly unhealthy for both of them- for kevin it's like, for some reason it feels like he's cuckolding his dead, former best friend/brother/abuser in a way that all his other relationships have not felt like. and he doesn't understand why that thought isn't turning him off completely. for ichirou it's that he doesn't think he's the type of person to keep secret mistresses or cheat on his wife for something so stupid as lust, but he stumbles into the irresistible kevin-day-effect and suddenly he finds himself rationalizing why having sex with a man that he technically owns wouldn't be considered cheating at all. or gay, for the matter. ( it is; he's just homophobic) because 'cheating' would imply a threat to his marriage, which, how could there be when it's just some guy whose life belongs to his family. (it is; he's just in denial) and besides, half the things they do can't even count as sex (maybe not, but it's definitely weirder and kinkier).

[chaosgremlim]

I’ll be completely honestly. I will judge you based on how you view Lottie Mathews. If you watch Yellowjackets and go calling her “psycho” “crazy” and judge her abhorent and manipulative for literally just having symptoms of her psychosis while UNMEDICATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WILDERNESS, I won’t trust you for shit.

[godsfavoritescientist]

I've been seeing a bunch of people adding disclaimers to their billford posts clarifying that they have critical thinking skills about abuse and abusive relationships, and I 100% understand that impulse. When I first made this blog I added disclaimers like that onto nearly everything. But, if it makes the folks adding those disclaimers feel any better: after I stopped writing essays trying to prevent people from taking my billford posts in bad faith, absolutely no one got mad at me in my inbox or on any of my posts, and I've been posting about billford for years now. In my experience the majority of people who are uncomfy with this ship nowadays will simply block and move on. Some folks will disagree no matter how many disclaimers you add, and that's ok