#i genuinely hope you guys love it i appreciate all comments and feedback and EVERYTHING!!!

[leafsfromthevine]

cryptic and machiavellian ('cause i care)

AMAZING BEAUTIFUL AND SHOWSTOPPING ART BY @lnuns !

This is my chance to look back. If Sokka had turned around to catch a glimpse of Zuko walking away, just to take in who the name belonged to, it would be Zuko’s sign to pursue his ignited curiosity. It would be a sign that they both wanted to know more. This glimpse would be the single moment in which Zuko either let this go, or let this consume him entirely. So, he did what any normal person would do if their future depended on it. He stopped to look over his shoulder. Or, a Zukka college AU inspired by the song "Mastermind" by Taylor Swift.

HELLO EVERYONE! I am happy to share with you my work for the @zukkabigbang2024 : cryptic and machiavellian ('cause i care), a college AU based on the song Mastermind by Taylor Swift :3 HUGE PROPS to my lovely & crazy thorough beta reader @kartoonkrazy who worked endlessly with me through schedule changes and helped shape this story into what it is. A round of applause for the kind & insanely talented artist, @lnuns, who brought this story TO LIFE and captured the essence of this work so beautifully!!!!!! I genuinely couldn't have done this without you guys, thank you for believing in this vision <3 I present you the first three chapters of this fic—expect the remaining six chapters over the next handful of Fridays! I hope you guys love it as much as we do :))

TAGS: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Slow Burn, Eventual Romance, Happy Ending, Obsessive Behavior, This is like a romcom except the romance takes a minute and Zuko is not laughing, Friends to Lovers, OR: Zuko keeps 'bumping into' Sokka and Sokka doesn't seem to mind, Title from a Taylor Swift Song, Song: Mastermind (Taylor Swift), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Mention of past car crash and parental death (Chapter 7)

CHAPTERS: 3/9

WORD COUNT: 9.8K / 25K+

[navybrat817]

Fall for Me

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky doesn't think he's good enough for you, but still wishes he could be your guy. Word Count: Over 1.4k Warnings: Longing, insecurities, "just friends" (for now), Steve is a good friend, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: We'll call this a Friday Feels inspired by a nonnie.❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

It was a special kind of torture for Bucky to watch the person he loved flirt with someone else.

To be fair, he couldn't say for sure that you were flirting. Being friendly? Yes. You had a warm and welcoming personality, the kind he was drawn to the moment you two crossed paths months ago. One of the things he loved about you was how genuine you were. It was only natural that you pulled others in as well. Your compassion, charm, beauty, everything called to him.

You were the whole package, inside and out.

“What the hell am I doing here?” He muttered. He hadn't wanted to go to the bar, but Steve assured him it was a hole-in-the-wall sort of place. Not a lot of patrons on a night like this. Somewhere no one would bother them. He added at the last second that you were going.

Bucky grabbed his leather jacket to go as soon as those words left Steve’s mouth.

Instead of having a drink with you like he wanted or just talking, he simmered in silence in a booth while you stood at the bar. He narrowed his eyes as the guy you were talking to moved an inch closer. A bit too close for his liking.

Steve said his name was Will. They had met each other at some point in passing. Short blonde hair and a trimmed beard. Ex-military, but still built like he had a war to fight. Behind the guy’s blue eyes lurked pain, guilt, and regret that most would miss due to his general stoic demeanor. Bucky could relate all too well to horrors that haunted even the strongest of men.

But when Will looked at you, his eyes lit up. They held a sense of longing. Hope.

Once again, Bucky could relate all too well because that was how he looked at you.

“You’re doing that staring thing again,” Steve said, grabbing a beer from the bucket and setting it down in front of him. “Just talk to her.”

Bucky took a swig, but didn't take his eyes off you. He was afraid if he looked away that Will might convince you to leave with him. “Talk to her about what?”

His best friend sighed. “You know what.”

Steve knew how he felt about you. Talking about his feelings wasn't easy, but he had to tell his best friend. And it wasn't the first time Steve encouraged him to speak up. He said you had the right to know so the two of you could figure out how to move forward, whether as a couple or just friends, instead of dancing around it.

But how could Bucky admit how he felt when he didn't deserve someone like you?

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said.

“Bullshit.”

“We're friends,” Bucky stated. The words tasted as bitter as the beer he sipped. No, not bitter. He couldn't feel that way just because he had a piece of you when he wanted all of you.

Was he selfish for that?

He nearly shattered the bottle in his hand when you giggled at whatever Will said. Something akin to jealousy settled in his chest and he had no right to feel that way. The two of you weren't together. You were single and didn't owe him a thing.

But he knows if you gave him a chance, he’d treat you well. Better than any other guy before him. He would do his best to make you happy. Maybe that wasn't enough.

“Will is a good guy, but he isn't you, Buck. You’re still one of the best guys I know,” Steve said.

“You don't have to kiss my ass, punk,” he muttered, immediately regretting it. He was only trying to help and God knows he had done more than enough for him over the years.

Steve shook his head. “And you don't have to feel sorry for yourself, jerk.”

“I’m not,” he whispered. Maybe he was. He was sorry for so many things.

As if you sensed his sadness, you looked over your shoulder and met his gaze. You smiled at him, the kind of smile that stole the very breath from his lungs and made his head spin. He wanted to believe it was a smile you reserved only for him. And the softness in your beautiful eyes, he imagined he could see his future in them.

Could you see the endless love he had for you in his?

His heart ached when you turned away and put your hand on Will’s arm. Of course, you were attracted to the guy. Why wouldn’t you be? The thought of you kissing him though, being intimate with him? He felt sick enough to finally look away.

Bucky glanced at his distorted reflection in the beer bottle. A long time ago, he would've called himself handsome. Not because he was full of himself, but because he knew himself then. He knew how to walk the line between confidence and cockiness. He was full of life and wonder once. Now the weight of his sins showed in how he carried himself.

Sins you never judged him for.

“Jamie? Are you okay?”

Steve nudged him, snapping him out of his thoughts. He was so lost in his mind that he hadn’t heard you call out to him. He should’ve known since you were the only one who called him Jamie. When he looked up from his seat, he saw that you were no longer standing next to Will as he was still at the bar. And there was nothing but concern in your gaze as you set your drink down on the table.

“What? What happened?” He asked, not smooth at all.

Your eyes flickered to Steve and then back at him. “I asked if you’re okay. You don’t look too well.”

“Not feeling so great,” he said, which wasn’t a lie. “This place…”

“Oh,” you said, sliding into the booth beside him. He inhaled, your sweet scent soothing the pain in his heart and making it race all at once. “Well, why don’t we head out? There’s no reason to stay if you don’t want to stay.”

He gently smiled. You were always willing to go with the flow and change plans if things ever got too loud or too much for him. “I’m fine. Besides, you just got your drink and you haven’t had a chance to play pool with Sam or Natasha,” he argued. He didn’t want to spoil your night.

You put your hand on his arm, but it seemed different than when you touched Will’s arm. This was tender, soothing. “If being here is making you uncomfortable, then I don’t feel like sticking around. They’ll understand. Steve, please, back me up on this.”

“She’s right. You two should go,” Steve said, conveniently leaving himself and the others out of the equation.

Bucky spared Will a glance, who was now talking to the guys he went into the bar with. He swallowed hard before the next words left his mouth. “What about your new friend?”

“You are my friend, Jamie,” you said. He winced inwardly at the reminder. Friends. You were just friends. “Don’t worry about him. Let’s just go. How about a movie at your place? Something low-key so you feel better.”

“You sure?” He asked, wondering just how eager he looked to leave with you.

“I’m sure,” you smiled, making his heart warm again.

“Okay. You convinced me,” he said. Not that it would’ve taken much. Your smile could bend the will of just about anyone.

“You know, I hear healthy conversations are also good to help people feel better,” Steve chimed in, earning an elbow to the side from Bucky.

You raised an eyebrow and slid out of the booth. “Yeah. Sure. Jamie and I can have a healthy conversation and you all enjoy the rest of the night.” You offered Bucky a hand to help him out. He didn’t want to let go. “C’mon. We have a movie waiting for us.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky teased, proud of himself when you giggled.

Steve gave him an optimistic smile and he couldn’t help but return it. He wasn’t sure if Will had given you his number or if you planned to see him, but maybe he’d take a chance and tell you he had fallen for you. Maybe, if he was lucky, you had fallen for him, too.

Just maybe.

And maybe, just maybe, this could be a thing? Did Will give you his number? Will Bucky say how he feels? What's going to happen? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[dollfacefantasy]

Video Games

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, oral (f receiving)

summary: you're playing video games when leon feels a little needy

word count: 1.9k

a/n: hi everyone, i'm back with another piece. thank you so so much to everyone who supported my last post (especially if you reblogged and/or left a comment, hugging you through the screen rn). And if you followed me, hi! happy to have you here :) it means a lot to me, and i hope people find some enjoyment in this post as well. this post has nothing to do with the song video games, but i love lana and wanted to use that picture so idgaf. also, all the games mentioned are ones i really loved when i was younger. i'd love to hear some you guys like if you want to share. again, feedback, likes, follows, and reblogs are appreciated! <3

You were so excited when your parents called you and told you they were bringing by your old Playstation 2 today. They were cleaning out the garage and found the dusty, old box that contained the system and all your favorite games from when you were young. Leon was sitting on the couch, watching you wander around as you spoke into the phone. He had returned from a difficult mission recently and your joyful presence alone made everything seem brighter. He smiled at the ways your eyes lit up when you laughed and recalled old memories. He’d gently reach out and stroke your hip when you’d walk past the sofa, lost in your conversation.

About an hour later, you were rushing out the front door to retrieve your box of nostalgia. Leon trailed behind with his eyes full of love for you. He takes the box of stuff as you briefly talk to your mom and thank her for making the stop. He carries the box back into the house for you. It wasn’t that heavy. You definitely could have done it yourself, but he couldn’t get enough of how that sweet smile would spread across your face when you said thank you and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

The two of you set up the console together in your living room. His strong arms hold the tv at an awkward angle as you snake behind it to plug in the cords in all the different ports. His eyes can’t help but run along your body. He can’t help but notice how your shorts ride up as you bend over or how your back arches while you strain to reach the back of the screen. He’s snapped out of his lustful daze when he hears you say “Got it!” and pull back from behind the tv. He puts the monitor back in place and you hug him from behind, pressing soft kisses to his back while thanking him again for his help.

“It’s nothing, Baby,” he says softly, turning to face you and kissing the top of your head.

You smile up at him before eagerly pulling him to sit on the couch with you. You rifle through your box of old games, pulling out your beaten-up copies of Sly Cooper and Silent Hill. Your eyes sparkle with excitement as you gush to him about your favorite parts and all the fun you used to have playing them with your friends. His heart aches with the love he feels just from hearing you speak with such passion.

“Why don’t you show me some?” he suggests as you continue looking through the box on your lap.

“You want to watch me play video games?” you ask as if it’s the nicest thing you’ve ever heard. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to be bored.”

He laughs slightly like even the idea of being bored while spending time with you was ridiculous. “C’mon, you’re all excited over this stuff, and you’re not gonna play?” he asks, “I’ll be fine. Maybe you can teach me your tricks.”

“Yeah, I’m a real pro,” you joke sarcastically, but your smile remains genuine. You decide on playing Tomb Raider and hop up to put the game in. Again, Leon can’t help how his eyes are drawn to the fabric of your bottoms tightening around your ass as you squat to insert the game. You return to your seat and get comfy against his side with his arms around your shoulder.

You start playing, your smile widening as you hear the familiar music and begin remembering the controls like the last time you played was only yesterday. Leon watches the screen as much as he can, but his real focus is on you. The way your fingers frantically mash at the buttons while fighting an enemy, how you tense and press against him when you think you’re going to die, your half-assed justifications for mistakes you make, blaming the age of the controllers. He loved you so much that his limbs nearly trembled with want for you. Everything about you drove him wild. You smelled so good and your body was so warm nestled against his.

He keeps watching you, and it’s becoming overwhelming, his desire for you. He leans his head down, brushing your hair away, and starts gently kissing the open expanse of your neck. You bite your lip as a knowing smirk rises on your face.

“I knew you’d get bored,” you tease, tilting your head a little to give him more room. He takes the invitation and moves his lips with more intent. 

“I’m not bored. I just need to feel you,” he defends between kisses, “You keep playing.” He adjusts on the couch so he’s lower and has a better angle on your neck. His arm that isn’t around you caresses your stomach slowly.

You try to focus on your game, but it’s difficult when you have his hands and lips coasting over you, his hot breath on your neck. Your own breathing hitches when his hand on your stomach slides up to fondle your tits. Your fingers start feeling useless on the controller, fumbling between buttons as you try to continue playing. His teeth scrape along your neck. It’s the last thing you can take before you make too many mistakes and die. The menu comes up to reload the game and your head falls back against the cushion.

“Leon,” you whine playfully, “You’re making me die.”

“‘M Sorry, Baby,” he mumbles, “Just can’t get enough of you.” He continues kneading your breasts and showering your neck with kisses as you try to survive the level you’re playing. Heat spreads through your body and slick begins collecting between your thighs causing you to squirm a bit. Leon smirks against your skin, sensing the effect he has on you.

He kisses your neck a few more times before he moves his mouth down your arm while easing himself onto the floor. He presses a final tender kiss to your hand gripping the controller before settling on his knees between your legs. You know what’s coming, and it causes your cheeks to tint a soft red. The sight only excites Leon more. His fingers tuck beneath the waistband of your shorts and slip them down. He lifts your lush thighs to rest on his shoulders and pulls you closer so that you're slouching against the cushions.

“Leon, I’m gonna have to start all over again,” you say, your voice softer from your arousal. You try to seem focused, but your attention to the game is waning with each of his touches.

He works his mouth along the smooth skin of your inner thighs before dragging his nose along the cloth covering your center, inhaling you. The scent sends his blood rushing to his cock. He lays a kiss to the fabric as he hums in response. “I’ll make it up to you, Sweetheart. Promise.”

He hooks his finger around your panties and pulls them off. You feel his breath against your wet cunt, the sensation sending a chill through you. You take your lip between your teeth again while keeping your eyes on the television. In your peripheral vision, you can see him staring into you, gazing at you like you’re a work of art. He starts rubbing his thumb up and down your folds slowly, not with enough pressure to give you real pleasure, just the right amount to tease.

“You’re fucking soaked, Angel. Gotta have a taste,” he murmurs before swiping his tongue through your pussy. You let out a short moan at the feeling. Leon wraps his arms around your thighs, keeping you in place as he starts to make out with your cunt. His tongue flattening and dragging against your dripping core, lapping up every drop of you he can.

Your eyes roll back and your fingers spasm on the controller before you put it to the side and grab Leon’s hair. He groans as you tug him closer, his lips wrapping around your clit and sucking. You whimper and buck against his face. He knows all your attention is on him now. Knowing he made you feel so good that you had to focus on him had his pants feeling even tighter. He looks up at you, his eyes clouded with lust and your slick coating his lips. 

“Taste so sweet, Baby,” he breathes, thumbing your clit as he speaks, “Could do this for hours if you let me. Have your pretty pussy cumming over and over.” 

He buries his face back into your cunt and fucks his tongue into you. You gasp and writhe above him. Your head pushes back against the couch cushions. Your thighs start to squeeze around his head, and he loves it. He pushes even deeper, nose bumping your clit as he works. You whine and your hands fly up to cover your face as your cheeks feel hot.

He gives your thigh a quick pinch and pulls back. “No hiding, sweet girl. Wanna see and hear everything you give me.”

You slide your hands down and off of your face. Before you can even think of a response, his tongue is back to flicking against you. You moan a bit louder and your eyes flutter as the band of heat in your belly starts to tighten. Your thighs quiver, and Leon’s grip on you gets stronger as your hips try to shift.

Your chest heaves with your heavy breathing as your hands press into the couch cushions. His eyes are fixed on your face, savoring every sweet noise and expression. Your body shakes harder and you know the finish is near. You look down into his eyes, and the sight of his face buried between your thighs with that intense gaze trained on you almost makes you cum on the spot.

“Fuck, Leon. I’m gonna cum. Can’t hold on,” you whimper, your eyes squeezing shut as your voice breaks into moans.

“Look at me, Baby. Let me see those gorgeous eyes while you explode,” he says before working his tongue with even more dedication. You give him what he wants, looking into his eyes as you reach the peak. You cry out and claw at the couch cushions as you release. Your hips sputter against his face and your thighs clamp around his head. Your eyes stay locked on his, letting him see how he unravels you. You hear him groaning and feel his body rolling a bit as he devours you through your orgasm.

He keeps lapping at your folds as you come down, getting a final taste before he pulls away. He plants one last kiss on your clit before rising up and leaning down to kiss your lips sweetly. You kiss back and softly moan as you taste yourself on his lips. You grab his wrist as you pull back. “Need me to return the favor?’ you say and give him another kiss.

“No, Honey. I’m satisfied, trust me,” he hums and kisses back. You notice the dark spot forming on his pants and your blush returns. The thought that he could feel such pleasure simply from pleasuring you made your stomach flutter. He pulls back from your lips and strokes your bottom lip with his thumb, admiring your features. “I’m gonna change my pants, and then you can show me some more of your game. If you want to,” he says.

You glance back at the tv which had been displaying the reload menu for a while at this point. You give him that smile that he loved so much and nod.

[gg-neptune]

Sev When Your Insecure

Title Says everything. Just how I imagine Severus Snape acts when his SO is insecure and doesn't think they are enough for him and low-key hates themselves (not projecting)

My Man My Man My Man My Man My Man My Man My Man Pls excuse spelling and grammar I checked for it, but I am currently losing my eyesight lolol. ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)

Anyways hope you guys love it <33333 Feedback appreciated as always!

does not understand

like actually

he thinks he is hideous anyways and then here you are thinking you are not good enough or that you are not beautiful enough for him

especially the for him part

he sees you in your daily life every day and not once has the thought "ugly" ever crossed his mind

he thinks everything about you is perfect and he simply does not care what anyone thinks

and that includes you

it's not like he goes for looks primarily

he cares more about the fact if there is a genuine connection and if he loves them and if they love him

however, he does think you are the most beautiful person to ever grace the planet

you think your ugly?

that simply cannot be

he will spend hours upon hours praising and worshiping you and your body

days even until he is convinced you see what he sees

he will also try to find the root of all of this

maybe it was deep rooted trauma you haven't yet healed from completely, maybe you were just left alone with your thoughts and a mirror for too long, or maybe some asshole had the audacity to comment on your appearance

he will do his best to help with all of this regardless the situation

he will reassure you however many ties you need and when you deny you are not, he will argue with you as many times as he has to until you give

and he will do it without complaint or annoyance, because he knows what he has needed all these years

he'll press gentle kisses to your body focusing on certain parts of your body you might not like specifically

whispering gentle praise in between them

and if anyone has the nerve to call you ugly Infront of him or he hears you say someone did

that person is going to have a very scary 6'2 man on their front doorstep who "just wants to talk"

he knows what being insecure feels like and he hates the fact that you also feel that way

he's always there for you and your always enough for him

and after this he is always going to make sure you know that

always

[peachesandcreames]

What Are We, Part 5

A/N : MINORS ARE STRICTLY FORBODEN 🚫 all mistakes are solely my own. Feedback is always appreciated. I hope that you guys enjoy! No trigger warnings that I can think of but enter at your own risk 😉. Hearts, likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated by me. Happy reading, everyone! 💕💞

Phoenix pulled into the half empty parking lot of the hospital just as the sun was peeking above the horizon. She parked as close as she could to the main entrance and took a deep breath as she took off her seat belt and let her head rest against the seat. She gripped the wheel and felt the exhaustion seeping in. Phoenix heard you waking up and she cracked one eye open and looked over at you. You turned over in your seat and gave your sister a sleepy smile.

You reached across the center console and took her hand in yours. "I've been thinking about the future and I know now what I want to do. With everything that's happened over the last few months I've decided that I'm going to go back to school and become a grief counselor." Phoenix gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and a gentle smile. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

You both reached for each other at the same time and pulled each other into a hug. You clung to each other for a few minutes and Phoenix pulled away to look at you. "How are you doing? Really?" You paused to give it genuine thought. "Honestly, I don't know. So much has happened in such a short period of time that I think that I'm still processing everything."

Phoenix nodded at you and watched as a nurse in purple scrubs walked in front of your car and into the hospital. "Understandable. I think that you've been put through a lot in a short period of time and I was starting to get worried." You gave her hand another squeeze and opened up the car door and stretched. You looked across the roof of the car at her and you felt bad that you made her worry about you.

"I never meant to make you worry about me.I love you and I'm sorry." Phoenix gave you an impish smile and shrugged her shoulders. "It's all good. I love you and I'm going to go home and get some shut eye. Call me when you're ready to get picked up?"

You nodded as you hugged your sister goodbye and made your way across the parking lot and into the hospital. It was quiet as you looked around, a receptionist was on the phone and typing on her computer. She acknowledged you with a smile and held her finger up. You nodded and saw the gift shop, you went in and browsed around. Grabbing a mini hairbrush, toothpaste, toothbrush and deodorant.

You caught a glimpse of yourself as you walked in and you definitely looked like you've been put through the ringer. You greeted the cashier and paid for your stuff asking her where you could find the women's restroom. She put all of your stuff into a bag for you and pointed you in the right direction. You went to freshen up and when you decided that you looked as good as humanly possible given that you pulled yourself together in a hospital bathroom. You made your way back towards the gift shop and bought some gifts for Javy and Jake.

You bought flowers for the both of them and really good gourmet chocolates plus some teddy bears that were dressed up as airplane pilots and you thought close enough, besides they were adorable with their little uniforms and aviators. With your hands full of goodies you finally made your way back towards the receptionist who greeted you with a kind smile. "Hi, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, I'm here to visit Lieutenant Machado and Lieutenant Seresin." She handed you a clipboard and you sat down in the waiting area and began to fill out the paperwork. She took the clipboard from your outstretched hand and gave everything the once over.

She took the papers off of the clipboard and slid them into a manila folder and labeled it with your name and slid it into a slot with other folders. She wrote your name onto a visitor pass and you stuck it to your shirt. "What's your relation to Lieutenant Machado?" You glanced up at her, "we're just friends. He works with my sister."

She nodded and leaned back in her chair. "And Lieutenant Seresin? What about him?" You felt uncomfortable with the 3rd degree but you figured it was just part of her job. A million thoughts raced through your head and you latched onto the one that made the most sense but was difficult to say out loud.

"What are we to each other? Him and I?" She nodded again. "Are you a relative of his?" She asked, taking pity on you.

"God, no. I'm his girlfriend." You felt a natural smile form on your face. It felt good. It felt really right. You are Lieutenant Jacob Seresin's girlfriend and you don't care who knows it.

Her smile kind of faltered and you felt bad for her. You asked her what rooms they were both in and she pointed you in the direction of the elevator. Javy was on the 2nd floor and Jake's on the 3rd. You stopped by Javy's room first, you could hear a tv faintly in the background and you lightly knocked on the closed door. You peeked your head in and saw him lying in the hospital bed.

He looked a little banged up, his arm in a sling and some cuts and bruises but he looked OK. You put the flowers by the window and hoped that they got enough natural light. You gave him the candy and stuffed animal. He reached out with a smile. "Thank you, Y/N. You didn't have to do that."

You smiled back at him and shrugged kinda sheepishly. "I wanted to. It's the least that I can do for you. I just wanted to say thank you and make sure that you're doing OK." You squeezed his hand.

"I'm doing OK. They got me on the good stuff. I don't feel a thing." You both laughed at that and he started to doze off while you sat with him. You got up and pulled the blinds down so that it was semi dark.

You turned the TV down to a low murmur and dimmed the lights. You walked over to him and pulled the blanket up and gently kissed his forehead. You said a prayer of thanks and protection and shut the door behind you and made your way up to the 3rd floor and where Jake was waiting for you. You felt nauseous all of a sudden. You had no idea what kind of condition that Jake was in and it made you feel nervous.

The door was partially open and you silently slipped inside. You gently shut the door and heard it quietly click. You turned around and a silent gasp slipped from your lips and your hand flew to your lips. Jake was lying flat in the hospital bed, hands crossed his chest. He looked so still.

Jake always struck you as someone who was larger than life, full of bravado and swagger. So seeing him like this was a shock to your system. You put the flowers, candy and bear on his bedside table and took your jacket off and set it on the chair, sliding your shoes off and putting them underneath the chair. You padded silently across the room and stood by his bedside. You gently took his big hand in yours and brought it to your face.

You kissed his palm and a single tear slide down your cheek, you wiped it away and gently set Jake's hand back by his side. You debated about crawling into bed with him or trying to sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Fatigue ultimately won out and you lifted the blanket and crawled into the bed next to him. You're probably breaking hospital protocol or something but you honestly don't have it in you to care. After everything you just want to be next to him.

You laid your head on his chest and feeling it gently rise and fall, plus hearing his heartbeat solidly below you was like music to your ears. You felt the tears begin to fall and the sobs began to wrack your body. You gently clung to him and you felt his hand move to the back of your head and his long fingers slid through your hair, holding you to him. He gently began to rub the back of your head and you felt the guilt begin to set in. You should be comforting him, not the other way around.

He survived a deadly plane crash and here you are acting like it was you who barely survived, but in a sense you hadn't. You couldn't even begin to imagine how you would survive losing Jake so soon after losing your parents. You took a deep breath and sat up to grab some tissue and Jake's gravely voice asked for water so you quickly got him a cup of ice water and helped him take a sip. "Thank you," he whispered and you shook your head no. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

He nodded and groaned as you helped him lay back down. He squeezed your hand in an attempt to reassure you. You looked at him with worry in your eyes, "are you OK? Do you need me to do anything for you? Call your nurse?"

He shook his head no. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I promise. Just getting comfortable." You let out a sigh of relief and sat down in the chair next to him.

Now it was his turn to look at you with worry in his eyes. "What are you thinking about?" He asked you, inquisitivly. You felt a sheepish smile quirk your lips and you dropped your eyes to the hospital floor. "Hey, look at me. "

You glanced up and locked eyes with Jake. "When I was filling out the hospital information forms, the intake nurse asked me what my relation to you was." You stopped speaking for a second and Jake asked you what your response was. "I told her that I was your girlfriend." You don't know why but you felt incredibly nervous as you held your breath.

A megawatt smile lit up Jake's face and you couldn't help but reciprocate. You leaned down and gently kissed his lips. You lingered for a second and pulled away before the kiss could get too heated. Jake groaned in protest and you couldn't help but grin against his lips. You stood up as you heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," you both said in unison. It was the nurse that you had briefly seen in the parking lot. She smiled at the both of you and made her way across the room and to the foot of Jake's bed and grabbed his chart and started looking it over. She flipped the page over and slightly nodded, "how are you feeling today, Lieutenant?" Jake glanced up at you and you could sense his hesitation.

You locked eyes with Jake briefly and you took pity on him. "You know what? I'm going to go home and shower and get some of my stuff. Do you want me to stop by your place and get you anything?" Jake audibly sighed in relief and he nodded gratefully up at you.

"Thank you, I appreciate that. My keys are over there." You followed Jake's pointed finger and you walked over to a little table in the corner and fished his keys out of his flight suit pocket. You slipped back into your shoes and grabbed your jacket. You made your way back towards Jake and you leaned over to gently kiss his cheek.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I love you, Jake." He smiled softly up at you and winked. "I love you too, Y/N." You felt like you were walking on air as you made your way towards the elevator and as you pressed the button you fished your phone out of your purse and you called your sister to come and get you.

As you stepped out into the crisp morning air you closed your eyes and tilted your face up to the sun. You felt it begin to warm you up and you took a deep breath, held it and let it go. For the first time in a long time you felt like yourself again. You felt like you could possibly have it all, the cute ocean bungalow, a relationship with your sister, an exciting new beginning and the possibility of a future with Jake. You felt hopeful for the future and couldn't wait to see what happens next.

~fin~ (for now 😉)

@emma8895eb @hardballoonlove @80pairsofcrocs @86laura11 @maddithehugenerd @hangmandruigandmav @the-romanian-is-bae @rosiahills22 @crazybeautiful1987 @halibshepherd @caitsymichelle13 @cdntheblackhearts @kennediijordan @drunk-on-hwa @lovinghimisneverenough @killmyhyunmin @quafflewaffle97 @planetch1ld @roostersforevergirl @themusingofagothicsoul @chlo-lo14 @luna-lovethegood @rosedurin @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @shelbycillian @runningawayfromsociety @milber32 @thefantasticreadingsofadri @petehangmankazansky24 @queenslandlover-93 @kyleeisahotmess @rascallyrascals @jason-toddbandit @beautifulandvoid @hookslove1592 @djs8891 @lynnestra44 @kyliesalvatore @mamaskillerqueen @ellianwhite @maybefakethoughts @comicgollum20 @tess-love @sgt-barnesveins @jessa-21 @mrsevans90 @scarlettwidow19 @jakeyzzz @tootser98 @fandom-life-12

[charmsandtealeaves]

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Okay this one I’m taking time to answer because I’m gonna use some real examples (because I never delete shit from my AO3 inbox and I'm feeling a little self-indulgent this morning) so strap in:

1. Comments left in the bookmarks. It’s rare, I’ve only ever had it happen twice. But it’s a little window into someone else’s view and I love that shit.

In one someone quotes a line from the fic itself and follows it up with “I’m gonna use that, maybe, once I get bitches, gotta cut my hair for that.” The once I get bitches part had me genuinely laugh out loud for the first time in I don’t know how long. I really hope their endeavour panned out for them 🤣

2. Comments that quote parts of your own fic. I love seeing what parts of a piece of dialogue or scene really resonated with people.

This was fantastic! Oh especially the whole show bit, I enjoyed it too damn much! So well-written and funny, I was grinning like crazy! “But I work in a morgue, so the guys at work are not exactly the sort of stiff I want to be picking up. Naked Attraction please help me find a man who isn’t mortified to go home with a mortician!” - I remember this from the snippets and it's brilliant!

3. Comments from the same username on several chapters of a multi chapter. Those people are the bees knees and fill me with the warm fuzzies.

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart soars whenever I see your name, @blondelunaa, @abihastastybeans and @practicecourts doing this. 10/10 kudos to you guys.

4. The “Sorry, I got too engrossed and forgot to comment” or “Re-reading!” Kind of comments. With fandom it sometimes feels like something is dead after a week without new kudos etc coming in. But comments like these prove that people are still reading and appreciating long after that.

Oooh ive gushed over this chapter before, but wow- this patronus scene is everything and more. I love the image of the stag, so powerful and magnificent - ima sucker for patronus reveals but this one takes the cake 🤩 and the end is perfect !!

5. The requests for more or a prequel/ sequel. Again rare (for me anyway). I got a few of these on a microfic but I’m gonna share the one:

I am obligated to inform you that I'm in dire need of a sequel. Or prequel. Or both, I won't complain...

6. The paragraph. I think these are the kind of comments everyone loves to get. Just a full paragraph of gushing about something you made.

Oh my goshhhh!!!! My heart!!!!!!! Thank you so very much for writing this <3 This is a perfect, heartfelt, beautiful glimpse into the "after" I requested. I'm so happy they resolved all their feelings! I love the sweet domesticity of the line "it's just me", like they're already an old married couple in Godrics, instead of two teenagers in the Heads Dorms. I feel like that line really helped set the tone of intimacy for the rest of the fic. I'm glad they talked about all their feelings and James doesn't have to be broody anyone xx Thank you for sharing Charms!

8. The full block caps shouting comment. The passion involved in that style of comment.

I SHOULD'VE BRACED MYSELF AFTER THAT AUTHOR'S NOTE

9. The one word/one liner comment. It's small but mighty.

This was fantastic!!!

This was fab. All the kudos to you 🌸 You are a very talented writer ⭐️

This was mad…I loved it

10. The comment from someone "fandom famous" who you thought wouldn't even know you exist. Exhilarating and also incredibly daunting when posting a WIP.

Ahhh the drama in this one!! Loved the James and Lily interactions. Sweet to see Alice and Lily's friendship in person for this one! Got some satisfaction from James hitting Pettigrew I won't lie lol. Glad to see Lily's not pregnant (yet)! Excited to see how you wrap this up!

11. The unexpected compliment comment. Someone paying your work a comment you weren’t expecting. I’ve highlighted a few here that I go back to when I feel like just throwing in the proverbial towel:

Hot damn, this is best court room scene I’ve ever read in fanfiction and most published novels. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! I’ve been devouring this fic quickly because the dialogue is so freaking good- the perfect combination of fun banter but with a realistic flow- I feel like I’m reading conversations with my own friends. Also I don’t know if this makes sense but they everyone’s Britishness jumps off the page in a way that I love.

Woah! Broken can be a beautiful place to start. Mind blowing and emotionally a masterwork

Just read all of this in one sitting, love your writing! Look forward to reading more of your fics

Asfjksagf this fic is amazing!! It's nighttime here now and I thought to myself that I would just read a couple chapters and then finish it tomorrow - but I COULD NOT put it down!!! Had to devour it all together!! It was just so novel, so interesting, so fun! And the final scene with James holding and hugging Lily from behind had me positively melting the whole time ;A; incredible! <3

I’ve just found this story and I binged the whole thing \o/ Thank you so much for sharing it. The soulmate concept can be so tricky to navigate and I imagine it’s hard to come up with fresh takes on the Lily/James Patronus storyline, but all of this came together so seamlessly and the narrative is so engaging. Such a lovely experience, and I’m incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon it! Phenomenally done! \o/

[onlyjaeyun]

zadie love!!!! 💗💫 i know u said to not apologize for sending in late asks but i can’t help it im sorry🥲 i’ve been so busy on my girls trip this past weekend, and i got home super late last night so i’ve been exhausted trying to fix my sleep schedule yet again while also unpacking from my recent trips BUT while i was in new york i still made sure i got to read ur updates before bed!! i thought it would be better to send in a longer ask once i got home and had more time to type it out🫶🏻🫶🏻

ONTO THE RECENT CHAPS: i looooveeedd taro & yn’s convo like they really are just two besties with absolutely no filter and i enjoyed that chap sm😭 also taro basically calling out yn saying she can’t finish bc sunghoon isn’t the one fucking her is so real like our girl needs to accept and realize it soon😓 AND HOON BEING SO OPEN ABOUT WANTING TO FUCK HER AGAIN WAS NOTTT ON MY 2024 BINGO CARD BC I WOULD THINK HE HAS TOO MUCH PRIDE TO OPENLY ADMIT SOMETHING LIKE THAT. then again he’s still a dick for saying that he wants to fuck her but still doesn’t care about her…you’re writing CH!sunghoon so well like he genuinely makes my blood boil at times. i’m glad yn is getting laid tho but she needs to be fucked good soon and i’m sensing a smut chap w/ hoon in the near future??👀👀

i saw the recent asks some anon sent in saying CH is getting boring and i truly want to know where their thought process is at bc it’s literally getting better with each chapter!!!! some people are so rude, like i get constructive criticism, but that just wasn’t it. the way you’re writing this smau is everything and more zadie, don’t let those weirdos get to you!!!! i know it’s easier said than done but remember there’s more people who love your works (me being one of them), than people who are just bored and have nothing else better to do with their days. IM AN ONLYJAEYUN DEFENDER TILL THE END‼️‼️ you’re doing amazing baby, keep your head up💓💓

wanted to share w/ you a little bit about my girls trip to nyc too!! it was my friend’s 23rd birthday so our whole friend group surprised her w/ a weekend trip to new york as a bday present!! OMG a funny story that happened on our first night there, we all went to this club to celebrate and these group of guys kept being so pushy and gross towards me and my friends. one of them insisted on buying me a drink but he just made me so uncomfy that i didn’t want to even be near him. i tried to decline nicely but he was so persistent. what was funny was that he saw my lockscreen and it was a pic of jongseong in the gym and he immediately backed off bc he thought it was my bf so thank you jay bc he was able to get me out of that situation😭😭

i got carried away with writing this ask so i hope you enjoy this novel i wrote you LOL🤭🤞🏻💞 i hope you’re doing well my baby!! i missed chatting w/ you🥹🫶🏻 ilysm 🤍🧸🎀 !!

- 💌

MY ANGEL BABY IS BACK YALL WAKE UP!!!!🤭🤭🤭💗

bless your sweet soul, the fact you made time to read CH during your busy ass girls' trip means so much to me baby, i love and appreciate you with my whole heart 🥺💗

STOP YOULL ACTUALLY MAKE ME CRY NOT THE DEFENDER PART 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much baby, ngl the comment did hurt a little but i know most of you guys are loving it as much as i do and with amazing feedback from amazing people like you snd many more i would never let those get to me to that certain point again 🥺 i love you sm

OMG NOT THE JONGIE BOYFIE PIC SAVING YOU!!!!! he really is THAT boyfriend im afraid 🤭 im sorry you had to deal with m*n like that baby and am glad you're ssfe and having fun, you deserve it so much!🥺

sending you the biggest kiss and i really hope you can get a little rest soon bc nestie you've been booked and busy but we love to see it!!!!!💗

[gurugirl]

Just got done reading the new fic on patreon. I'm gonna comment on the post in a bit but it's so much easier to share my thoughts with you here on tumblr because patreon just isn't set up for feedback the same way. First how many parts will it be? I think you said 3 but I just wanted to be sure.

I already love the way you've set up the story. I feel like I know Y/N already and I want to protect her so much, poor baby. And then there's Harry who seems like a really sweet guy. I hope he stays that way! And as sweet as he seems I think Y/N made a good choice in not staying with him because that is too soon. Her response to him was believable and I really appreciate you didn't just have her jumping at the opportunity, which I half expected with the way that part of the story was progressing. But then I was so relieved at her stubbornness because that just feels so genuine.

And this man who came to her car? What did he want? Was he someone that knew her from the club? I'm dying to know what happens next! Oh my god! I was hoping Harry would pick up the phone and she never had a chance to dial 911 and I'm so nervous about what happens next.

This was an incredible first part to a series. I'm hooked and now desperate to know how this goes. When will part 2 be posted?

💋 your loyalist follower on tumblr and patreon

My loyalist follower 🥰 I LOVE YOU 😭

WOW! First of all - you're so amazing to come here and share your thoughts. I wish Patreon had other methods of feedback than just through comments under the post but honestly... this works too. I love when I get asks about anything so this is perfect for me. And this series will be 3 parts. I'll post part 2 in two weeks!

Second! I'm so happy you felt her response was genuine. I'm gonna go on a tiny tangent here because there's a story with this - When I originally wrote this (like a year ago) I made this a one shot for tumblr (which never got posted) and wrote her going home with him right away (bc the story needed to go quickly since I was planning on it only being a one shot). And I think it was that part that made me feel like something wasn't right. I sat on it for a long time and read it over and over again and then I realized - this was better as a short series so I could really hash out some more details and NOT having her go home with him at that point. And when I rewrote that part I rewrote everything else - literally the story is so different than the first version and I like this one way better (though, luckily no one read the first one because it wasn't worthy of being posted).

So to hear you liked her response and that it relieved you?? That means so so much to me. It was the big changing point for the whole story when I was writing it. So thank you.

I can't wait for you to find out what happens next. Really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts with me!! xoxo 😘

[taegularities]

ah Rid Rid Rid i missed you 😭🧡 there's so much i wanna cover, i tried do catch up on all you've been up to and my god honey i'm so sorry that you were feeling down 🫂 it's absolutely okay and understandable because tumblr is not the same, engagement is not the same and it does get lonely here, i wish you wouldn't have to encourage anyone to give feedback for what you post, for teasers or ideas but i'm really hoping that it did and does help 🥺 I AM ABSOLUTELY 100000% EXCITED FOR CMI AND YOUR WIPS, there're so many times throughout each day when i think about you and your stories and lately cmi has been really occupying my thoughts bc i try to imagine what's gonna happen 🥹

and happy birthday to taegularities 🧡🎉💫 i'm so amazed that you've done so much, wrote so many stories and have this community here, love, you deserve a huge applause for those 2 years and i wish you all the years to come (as many as you want) to be happy, colourful, full of lovely messages and feedbacks, and the least lonely, like at all 🫂 I CAN'T REMEMBER EXACTLY IF I FOLLOWED YOU AFTER READING JUST CHANGES IN BETWEEN OR RIGHT AMOUNT OF WRONGS TOO but i felt so much in my heart, i was hit instantly with this sense that my heart knows your type of storytelling as if it was my own thought, emotion, i'd never felt this much connection with any writing ever before and i instantly followed you, i knew i had to eat up every word you'd written and i'm on this journey ever since, following taegularities back then was the best i could've done on tumblr but months later i set up this new blog and decided to show myself to you and it's the close 2nd place 🥹 as for many it took a lot of courage but you know it already i adore you and you're so amazing and lovely and so worth leaving the comfort zone to be able to show you the appreciation and love we have for you 🧡

ah godddd with that being said i'm so so sorry that i've been mia so much, and not responsive to what you've been putting up, i have to catch up on the 2nd cmi teaser and i'm waiting for a better time to write you a feedback of silk&stones that it deserves BC IT DESERVES A LOT OF AMAZING WORDS 😭 it's just a rough time for me in every aspect bc i'm moving this week (and i always hate doing that) and i'm managing my last days here with my mum that i love dearly, andd.. i'm gonna start a new job that i got, in a week and a half... it's not exactly in a place that i've wanted but it is the new profession that i said i wanted, so i'm excited that i can start working in that new field and learn and maybe later end up in a place that i'd want 🙏 but i'm also extremely nervous bc it's very new and not what i've studied for all those years 😂 so i'm just very overwhelmed but i know that i will come back as much as possible and try to be active (lowkey i'm checking if you're alive daily 🫶) and catch up and also be here to support you 🧡

I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING ANYWHERE

so sorry for this being so long to everyone, love you Rid so so much 🧡 i missed you really, how's the situation with your new job? and how're THE DATES??? I'M SO NOSY AM I NOT 😈

C! HI, I MISSED YOU, TOO !!!!! ahhh, thank you 🫂 things (not just on tumblr, but irl, too) are still not the way they should be, but i've decided to not be too negative about everything and just vibe. i want to show y'all my best side, but i'll still always be honest about everything. i've also been talking to my mom a lot and doing stuff irl, so that helps a bit. you do so much for me, though, c !! i'm so so thankful for every message, every review and every lovely comment from you. and i know how much you love cmi, so that's definitely inspiring and helpful when i lose faith in myself or my writing 🥺

gosh, yes happy birthday to taegularities 😭 !! i'm genuinely so thankful for this lovely community... i don't think i'd still be here without you guys <3 so thank you. and gosh, whether you came after cib or raow, i'm just so damn thankful that you're here. your presence has been a great comfort. i'm worth leaving the comfort zone? i'm so so happy to hear that, and so happy i can provide such a safe space for you 🥺

and don't apologise about being mia at all !!! god, you've been doing so much, i'm so proud of you for powering through it all. a new place to live, a new job, are you kidding, that's amazing !!! please take your time with the teaser, feedback or any writing at all, you sound hella busy 🥺 i hope you get to relax properly very soon, and that you rest and hydrate enough. manifesting a good time at your job and an even better place later on !! thank you for checking on me btw 😭 i'm, surprisingly, still alive :') </3

my new job is probably going to start in april! i sent an email accepting it just today, so i'll see how that pans out. and the dates ugh. we went iceskating last week and it was genuinely beautiful. but rn, tbh... we're on a break, and not really talking to each other, bc he said a few things that don't align with my thinking and mentality at all, so... no particular updates so far. i'll let you know what happens in the future, though :') i love you, dearest c <333

[disgustinggf]

Genuinely appreciate a lot that thank you!! Apologies for the long paragraph but I’ve already asked somebody this and I just want more advices and help from people especially women cause I just feel more comfortable with women more than men. Since your a female and even though I’m a guy I want to know how can I get the confidence to do the explicit content and try not to lose that confidence. I’ve posted nudity before over the years to wanting to feel like a confident male and the compliments I get it’s so heartwarming even though they’re dirty comments but it’s still heartwarming, it comes to a point where you wanna post different content that I’ve never post before it gets overwhelming and start to delete everything cause of it and I love to post nudity and maybe start and OF or just put my PayPal in to make it easier. Overall how can I get the same confidence as you when it comes to posting nudity and feeling proud because of it without worrying about anything?

well i actually wanted to start OF for awhile but i lacked confidence but my partner encouraged me to go through with it if it was something i wanted! that was all of the support that i needed personally. i just enjoy taking nudes / lewds so making an onlyfans was a good decision for me and it actually has made me more comfortable in my own body because i learned my good and bad angles etc. plus i've met some great people on the site too! when it comes to sexual comments like u mentioned, what helps me is setting boundaries - i am happy to hear feedback and that people enjoy my content but i have clearly stated that this will not lead to sexting or anything like that so people don't get their hopes up:) boundaries are v important when creating adult content because without them i probably wouldn't have kept this up. i'm glad people on my onlyfans respect them!

[thatfrenchacademic]

hey! you seem like you're a really good TA (? idk if that's the right term but you seem to have some prof/teacher tasks?) and i was wondering how you got the confidence to do that? i'm basically on your level of education but i wouldn't think i was smart/capable enough to judge other students' writing and stuff, i feel like one of them more than one of the teachers if you get what i mean. do you have any advice?

Hello !

That is such a thoughtful question - and I am sure all postgrads who suddendly have to start teaching feel the same at the beginning. In my opinion, it is a fairly healthy mindset to have, as long as it does not inhibit your own teaching and remain just some healthy awareness that, hey, you are still learning many things yourself.

I am very touched you think I am a good TA - I hope I manage to be a helpful one at least.d I definitely still often wonder "am I qualified to teach this ? To... grade this ? Who am I to say whether this is good work or not?" But here are a few thingsm coming both from my experience so far and my discussions with other TA, which could maybe be of help to you (each developed under the cut)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

7. Help, My students are not talking !

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

I hope they will be of help, but no worries, it takes practice, trial and errors, and time will help you figure it out. Do not hesitate to come back here if you have any question or something you want to discuss ! (And tell me how your teaching went, I would love to hear it!)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

It means you do not have to be an expert in the topic you teach. You may even just be familiar with it. But by virtue of being a postgrad student, you know how to do the reading effectively, you will get very quickly what is important, what to retain from this or that reading. And you just need to know more than your students. Which you absolutely will.

I think being passionate, showing that you are excited about what you are teaching, giving them this energy, this interest, is much much more important than being a full-blown expert in your area.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

And that is not me being vaguely pseudo-inspiration ; it is something I have learnt and truly realized when I took a course on teaching. There is much literature on this, but the take-away is that especially as a TA, it is helpful if you see your job as working with students. Engage with them, offer them different options to choose from during the session, explain that you are here to support their learning, and give them some space to have some agency over what happens ! Trust them to at least try their best - many are!- and they will trust you in return, and will be more likely to give you some feedback.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

This does not come easy to me, but students NEED to be told when they said something good ! Because if you do not tell them explicitely, how would they know that, hey, this was a pretty cool comment !

But also, be clear when answer or a point raised is not relevant or wrong, because it also guides their understand of the topic. "Ok, I can see why you would say that, but it's actually abit trickier...". "Ah, yes, it is very interesting that you raise it, it is a common misunderstanding and I am glad you are pointing it out, because it is an interesting discussion to have!"

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

When I started teaching, I made the mistake of thinking "ok, what sort of TA/tutorial do I wish I had, in Undergrad?", and went with what I know I would have enjoyed. Except I am a passionate nerdy introvert who hated talking to my peers and doing group works, and wanted a TA who was no-bullshit, clear, professional. Most of your students are probably not, and may indeed enjoy group work, or the opportunity to connect with their peers during your tutorial. Most of your students will appreciate a TA who is more forthcoming, friendly, and may crack a joke or two. And it is a weird role to have, it may clash with your personality (it definitely clashes with mine), but it's ok if it takes time to find the right zone for you ! It is absolutely part of the process !

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

Pooling experience with other TAs is fantastic. Because no matter what issue you are facing, one of them faced it already. How do you teach in the shitty Room 605 where the computer does not work ? How do they deal with students who do not do the readings ? How to they handle lack of motivation from students ? What sort of group work do they organize ? Who sort of online tools do they rely on ? How do they deal with all the emails they get ? And on that note...

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

Do not be afraid to try things. I tend to stay away from "complex" activities which can confuse students, or rely too much on technology. But group work ? There are so many types of group work ! Why stick to just the "think of this question in group of 3 for 5 minutes", when you could do a syndicate, snowballing, 2-minutes essay, fishbowl, think-pair-share, buzz groups...

And sometimes, it will not work. Just... a bad session. And you feel that it's on you, that you did not manage to do your work, that you are a bad teacher... And refer to Point 2. Then, calmly, talk about it with another TA. Explain what you did, and try to get their opinion on it, reflect on it. But it is never all on you.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

Teaching is exhausting, learning is exhausting, genuinely, so balance out moments where you do the heavy work, and moments where they do. I like to have a rough session plan with all the activities I have planned, and indicate for each if it is "ME", "STUDENTS", "ALL". And also ensure that your students are given the opportunity to really take an active role, which is way better for learning !

7. Help, my students are not talking :

This will happen. You will ask a question, no one will answer. Big, awkward, heavy silence. You reformulated the question, but clearly it is not working. Here are a few ways I have reacted to it :

- Show of hands 1 : for a quick diagnosis. "Can you raise your hand if you have done the reading for this question ? Just so I know if this is maybe the problem". Encourage the ones who have done the readings to explain it to the others.

- Show of hands 2 : "Ok, there are two ways to answer this question X and Y. Can you raise you hand if you think Y, and lower it if you think X?". Encourage some who picked Y to explain why, then same with X.

- Show of hands 3 : "Ok, let's lower the pressure. Who thinks they kind of have an answer, but is not sure about how to word it, or properly argument it?". Ask whoever raise their hand to start, and pick up yourself from there.

- Switch to think-pair-share : "Ok, how about we think a bit about this on our own for a few minutes, and then you can compare your own answers with your neigbour"

- Collapse the classroom : "Ok, I can see that this is not working. It's ok, can you tell me if it is because the topic is not super interesting, or the reading ? Are the questions not what you expected?"

- End of the session clear-up : [once everything is over] "Ok, so now that the session is over, can I ask you guys why it was difficult for you to talk today ? Just so I can make sure I can come up with questions that are useful to you, next time. If some of you want to stay a few minutes to talk about what you would like to change for the next tutorials, we can talk about it now ; you don't have to, of course"

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

Especially if you are grading things like essays, we can often feel uneasy, unsure how to grade them, how legitimate we are to grade them, especially with the sheer impact grades can have on students. Ideally, you want to have a list of things that are PLUS POINTS, and perhaps some that are MINUS POINTS, and have those strictly guide your grading, to be fair to all students and assess them similarly. I also found that it is helpful to grade the paper, only the paper. When there is a really, really bad essay where clearly the student barely tried, it's easy to get frustrated, because you did your best, and clearly the student did not care ? But you never actually know what happened. Real examples of students submitting absolutely terrible work include : a student who was grieving her mother, a student who had been in hospital and did not know she could ask for a delay, an adult student whose child had gotten sick the days before, a foreign student with a poor grasp on English... When you are grading the 78th essay of the week, it is easy to forget that each of them is from an individual, and we get to judge the work they do, but not why they did it. Even in your comments and feedback, always be compassionate.

[ssa-montgomery]

I'm sorry to my unknown lover

Word Count: 2040

Summary: During a night out with the BAU Hotch can't hold in his feelings towards Emily anymore.

Characters: Hotch x Emily, JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Reid, Rossi

Warnings: Some angst and fighting, lots of yearning, fluff, declarations of love

A/N: Another Hotchniss fic! I actually had a lot of fun writing this one and I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did! I like to think that both Emily and Hotch are very stubborn when it comes to actually talking about their feelings and situations end like this for them far too often xD This fic was also requested on here so please do continue sending me prompts! I really appreciated the comments on my last Hotchniss fic and they motivated me to finish this one so please leave some comments and let me know what you're favourite part was :D

Prompts: "I can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that they're you." "I can't do this anymore." "It's scary what a smile can hide."

Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

Masterlist

The bar was busier than usual, all though for late on a Saturday evening it was to be expected. The team was working a rough case all week that thankfully ended well and had just arrived back in Quantico when Rossi suggested they head to the bar and let him buy them all drinks to celebrate. They quickly accepted, never turning down a free drink and headed out for the night. A few hours and plenty of rounds had passed by now. The tables around them were packed full of people and the noise of the conversations and the loud music playing all around them meant they had to shout to be heard but nobody seemed to mind. They'd lost track of the last time they got to spend time all together like this and it was a well needed night out.

While they all started the night sitting around one table the team had slowly been separating out across the bar. Morgan was now standing by the pool tables near the bar with his arm wrapped around the waist of an attractive blonde as he leaned in to be heard over the music, teaching her how to play pool with him. Reid who followed after him seemed to be in deep conversation with one of the men at the next table over, they had seemingly found a topic they were both passionate about as they ignored everything else around them in favour of their rant. Back at the main table, the team had fallen into a casual conversation, Rossi and Hotch talking together while Garcia filled JJ and Emily in on all the gossip they had missed at the office while they were away on the case.

Garcia suddenly stopped mid-rant and tilted her curiously, watching something over Emily's shoulder. She tapped JJ's arm and without exchanging a single word she knew exactly what she was talking about, simply nodding her head as a reply when Garcia turned to meet her gaze.

"What the hell are you two looking at?" Emily asked, furrowing her brow in confusion as she turned to look over her shoulder herself. She couldn't see anything out of place that they could have been staring at.

"That guy at the bar, uh the brunette with the dark shirt?" Garcia tried her best to gesture towards him as subtly as she could without giving away that the whole group was now staring over at him. "He's been staring over at you all night. I mean I can practically feel the yearning from here. You should go talk to him!"

"Oh." Emily hesitated and then shook her head nervously. She stared down at her glass, twisting it in her hand as she considered the idea. This had become a regular thing for them. JJ or Garcia would spot a cute guy and then convince Emily to go talk to him while she hid the truth about who she really wanted to talk to. "I don't know, is that really a good idea?"

"Um yes? Come on how many times have I told you it's time for you to get back out there Emily." JJ encouraged smiling widely at her. Before making any decision Emily glanced around the table waiting to see if anyone would object to the idea. Hoping he would. When everyone else remained silent Emily could feel that all too familiar sinking in her stomach. She pushed it down and tried to ignore it, putting on a bright smile instead.

"Oh okay screw it! What's the worst that can happen right?" Emily laughed doing exactly what she did best, hiding her disappointment. She lifted her glass and took another drink before standing up out of her seat and starting to walk towards the bar. JJ and Garcia watched on closely, leaning in to whisper together about how they thought it would work out. Even Morgan seemed to notice what was happening back at the table and he shot Emily a supportive grin as his form of encouragement from where he was standing.

It seemed the whole team was on board with setting Emily up with this mystery man as she sat down and started talking to him. Well, everyone but Hotch. He stared forward so no one caught onto the tightness in his chest with every second that she spent laughing with someone else. It all came to a breaking point when the man took her hand in his and leaned forward, kissing her gently. Hotch had to tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him then, not being able to take anymore. Part of him wanted to tell him to get his hands off of her, and the other part knew it wasn't his place. It was selfish, he knew that, but he couldn't stand to see Emily with someone that wasn't him. Then again it was his fault when he could never find the courage to tell her how he felt about her. Maybe if he could, things would be different and loving her wouldn't hurt so much.

While everyone else was still distracted by what was happening and he was sure they wouldn't notice him leaving he stood up and grabbed his coat from the bar of his chair. He quietly slipped away from the group and pushed his way through the crowds towards the back exit of the bar. It was cold as he stepped out into the biting late-night air and he pulled his coat on before continuing across the parking lot. He knew he should've told someone before he left - they always did, a safety precaution with their job - but at that moment all he wanted to do was find a cab and get home as quickly as he could. He was halfway to the street when he heard the sound of the heavy exit door swinging open behind him. He ignored it at first, presuming it was just another person leaving after him but then.

"Hotch?"

For a second he thought his mind was playing tricks on him, that his mind had been so consumed by her tonight that he was starting to hear things but when he finally turned around it was in fact Emily walking towards him. She was tugging her jacket closer to her body in an attempt to fight off the cold as she watched him curiously.

"Why'd you leave?" She asked, her voice almost sad.

Hotch opened his mouth to reply, ready to fire off some lame excuse as to why he needed to get out of there as quickly as he did, he was sure he could come up with a convincing lie like he had a hundred times before but instead he just sighed. He dropped his head in defeat and ran his hand across the back of his neck.

"I can't do this anymore." Was all he managed to get out, his tiredness at this whole situation obvious in his voice. He couldn't stand around and lie to Emily's face anymore. He turned around again and started to walk towards the street.

"Hotch!" Emily called out as she ran to catch up with him. He could hear the sound of her heels on the ground and he wished she would just go back inside. If she started to push him, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in anymore and it had been building for too long. He spun around to face her when she grasped at his arm to stop him in his tracks. "What is going on with you?"

"What's going on with me? Are you kidding me, Emily?" Hotch snapped with more aggression than he'd meant to, but it was too late now, the dam was finally burst and whether he liked it or not the truth was finally coming out. Emily's hand fell from his arm then and she stood back staring at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "What's going on with me is that no matter where I go I have to stand back and watch JJ and Garcia fawning over the idea of setting you up with every guy they see. What's going on is that I have to sit there and bite my tongue while I act like it doesn't bother me. I have to act like it doesn't physically hurt to see you kissing them because if I react then I'm unprofessional and I mean what does it matter anyway because you don't give a damn what I think about it so it's not my place to say anything anyway. I have to act like it's not eating me up inside."

Hotch stopped then, feeling his heart hammering in his chest and the sudden realisation of what he just said settling in. He started to panic, afraid that Emily would push him away and that he'd just ruined what relationship he already had with her. He wanted to apologise, to take it all back but he couldn't now. Emily laughed then. It was a short, sarcastic sound, more of a scoff than anything else.

"Wow. Seriously Hotch? Are you genuinely so oblivious that you think I don't care? I care! Of course, I care! I always have." It seemed it was Emily's turn to let out everything she had been holding back as she launched into a rant of her own, her voice slowly rising in volume as she did. "I flirt with those guys, I let them set me up to keep them happy, to keep them off my back about the real reason I haven't dated anyone in months. Tonight when they were encouraging me to go talk to that guy I looked around that table because I wanted you to stop me, I wanted you to give me a reason to think you cared enough to stop me. Instead, all I got was that blank expression that told me that you didn't care. Do you want to know why I kiss have of them? Why I kissed that guy tonight? Because they remind me of you. Because it's you I want to kiss but I can't and I can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that they're you."

"But-" Hotch trailed off then, as the weight of Emily's words settled over him. All this time, she had cared after all. All this time they had both been silently suffering because neither one was brave enough to admit the truth about their feelings. It felt silly now, all the excuses he'd told himself about why he couldn't just admit his feelings to Emily. He'd always believed she didn't want him and now he knew how wrong he was. "You always seemed so happy with them. Smiling and laughing the whole time."

"It's scary what a smile can hide," Emily admitted weakly, her voice barely above a whisper now. "It was never real with them, they could never really make me laugh, not the way you can."

That was all it took for Hotch to finally surge and pull Emily up into a fierce kiss. He cupped her cheek, letting his other arm wrap around her waist pulling her in closer to his chest as his lips slid over hers. Emily seemed stunned for a moment but then she responded just as passionately, wrapping her arms around Hotch's neck. Neither of them ever thought they'd get to this moment but here they were, standing in the middle of the parking lot wrapped up in each other's arms as they kissed. They didn't care that at any moment another member of the team could walk outside or that it was still freezing outside. All they cared about was that moment.

"I can't believe it's taken us this long to do that." Hotch laughed gently, brushing Emily's hair out of her face as he slowly pulled away from the kiss.

"Me either." Emily giggled, letting her forehead rest against his. She could feel his breath fanning over her lips and she wanted to kiss him again, she wanted to kiss him forever now that she finally could. "Does this mean you're finally going to take me to dinner?"

"Yes." Hotch nodded smiling down at her. "Absolutely."

Tag list: @marauder-level-chaos

[jeonqukie]

PLAYING CUPID / 01.

SYNOPSIS / Consistently overshadowed by your older sister, you expect your days in high school to be filled with plastic smiles and apathetic peers with hidden intentions. Everything changes when four of the most popular guys in school join you and your best friend for lunch on the first day of school.

FEATURING / Kim Namjoon; appearances by Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook.

GENRES & TAGS / high school au, freshman reader, senior namjoon, student council president namjoon, best friend jungkook, lots of fluff, and some angst.

WARNINGS / Graphic and mature language, slight age difference/gap (to clarify, oc is 14-15 yrs old and namjoon is 17 - first part is rated pg); list will be updated as fic is updated accordingly.

WORD COUNT / ~10.3k

NOTES / I am a day late in posting this and I want to let you guys know that this is... not edited at all and I will be looking through this every now and then to correct any errors. But I hope you enjoy the first part of this series! I wasn’t expecting this to be relatively long, but it was all to set up the characters dynamics and the history behind the reader and Namjoon’s relationship. Any feedback is appreciated. To repeat, I’m so sorry this was super late. Please expect part 2 to be up in ~2 weeks. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

All rights reserved © jeonqukie (formerly known as aiscka). All (or portions) of my work may not be reproduced, redistributed, reclaimed, translated, modified, or used in any way whatsoever without my permission.

“You’re Sena’s little sister, right?”

You’d be a damn millionaire if you made a dollar for every person on campus tried to break the ice with you. It was a severe understatement to say that your older sister was known around town. She was vice president of the student council, president of the debate club, and the best player on the varsity volleyball team. All of the teachers and faculty adored her, every girl wanted to be her, and every guy wanted to be with her.

For the longest time, you assumed your sister was a celebrity on campus.

You were so wrong.

It was because you never met him. You’ve heard his name so many times whenever your sister had sleepovers with her friends or when she was on the phone with a friend, whispering so softly into the receiver, afraid that someone would find out about that she had a crush on him. You were perplexed because you thought your sister was a very forward person; she had so much confidence talking to so many guys who desperately wanted her attention yet somehow her palms would sweat over him.

“Hey, you know who Kim Namjoon is?” You would sit at the cafeteria for the first time with your best friend, Jungkook, who had devoured half of his ham and cheese croissant sandwich. He looks at you and he would raise one brow.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who’s obsessed with hyung.” But Jungkook sees the genuine confusion form on your face. You catch a glimpse of your older sister who sat on the other side of the cafeteria, thumbing a reply on her phone while her friend nudges at her when she sees the notorious posse that every girl swoons over.

It was a scene right out of a movie.

At that time, you had the faintest idea who they were, but you were quick to find out why they were so well known around campus. Jung Hoseok was the senior of the group; he was a dancer and was featured in numerous music videos by well-known artists and he had an extensive list of choreographers willing to work with him. Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin were inseparable; they were juniors who ran the school newspaper and the school yearbook – Taehyung being in charge of the photography while Jimin being in charge of the organizing the yearbook staff. Meanwhile, there was Kim Namjoon; student council president, valedictorian of his class, member of the honor society and numerous organizations on campus.

“Wait, you know who Namjoon is?” You were curious whether Jungkook knew of him, not exactly knowing the guy.

“Yeah. I mean, he’s been my next-door neighbor for god knows how long. His folks and mine go out for golfing twice a month.” You just nod to his answer when you are shoving a chocolate moon pie into your mouth.

But your mouth instantly goes dry when the four guys appear right across from you and Jungkook are seated.

“Gukie!” Hoseok exclaimed at the sight of Jungkook still devouring his croissant. “Look at you! Finally, you’re with the hyungs in high school.” The tease made Jungkook’s ears go pink and you feel your own face get hot; not because of second hand embarrassment, but because you can see everyone’s eyes on you – the two freshmen who had no right to be sharing a table with, what you can only assume, the four most popular guys on campus.

There were many times where people would only want to get to know you because of your sister; girls wanted to get close to you because you were had a cool older sister and boys wanted to be with you because they were so eager to come over to your place and obsess over Sena.

Jungkook, on the other hand, had no interest in her. As a matter of fact, you met Jungkook when you were in middle school and took a swimming class and later found out that you two were in the same class and bonded over your competitive nature in swim class.

“Who’s this? You got a girlfriend on your first day already?” You and Jungkook exchange a look of disgust with each other and create a sensible amount of space for each other to establish that you both see each other as friends.

“Oh my god, wait – you’re Sena’s little sister, right?” Hoseok corrected Jimin who had made the assumption you and Jungkook were an item. Jungkook can see the way you scrunch your nose from his periphery, and he decides to answer for you instead.

“This is YN. She’s… literally been my best friend since middle school.” Jungkook introduces you to the four people right across from you. “YN, this is Hoseok – well, I call him Hobi-hyung. This is Jimin-hyung and Tae-hyung. I’m pretty sure you know Namjoon-hyung because –”

“ – school council president.” You interrupt because you didn’t want Jungkook to reveal that you had been inquiring about him earlier. “I remember because you made that welcome speech this morning at the assembly.”

Namjoon is rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment and you resume eating your packed lunch, despite losing all appetite because you are surrounded by so many people did not know. They weren’t terrible people, but you weren’t mentally prepared for such strong personalities and dynamics to be introduced all at once. You felt like an intruder – a fly on the wall – because everyone carried on with their normal conversations; Jungkook and Hoseok were talking about plans for the weekend and then Jimin and Taehyung were already drafting out ideas for the yearbook. Meanwhile, you sat in silence as you ate your tuna salad sandwich, reading a new book you were gifted over the summer by your parents.

“Let me know when you’re done.” A voice catches your attention, and you stop all chewing. “The book, I mean.” Namjoon clarifies and he sees that you are already halfway done with it. “I read it a year ago and I’d like to hear what you think of it.” He offers you a heartwarming smile and you nod once, returning the same grin.

“I started it a week ago. I really like it so far.” The conversation is light and drowned out by the loud voices beside you.

You never really pinned him as a reader.

“So, how’s your first day so far?” He inquires and you honestly thought that the conversation was… over. Normally, that’s how all the conversations go when people find out your Sena’s little sister. They feign their interest in you and instantaneously ask about her.

“It’s… nothing special.” You admit, smoothing your fingers on the pages of the book. “Most of the classes I have before lunch, Guk’s with me. Now –”

“Now, her large, wrinkled brain is going to abandon me and get into those advanced program and honors classes.” You are rolling your eyes at your best friend who whines that you decided not to take the same classes as him.

“We literally have homeroom, social studies, and PE together and then we see each other for breaks and lunch. I think you’ll live.” The group laughs which earns quite a bit of stares from outsiders, but they seem to be completely unfazed by it. Everyone turns back to their own conversations and, usually, your social presence isn’t necessarily sought out by people.

It wasn’t until you hear another inquiry fall out of Namjoon’s mouth.

“What do you have right after lunch?”

“Biology.”

“Honors biology, by the way. Can’t you spare just one regular class for me? Or does your GPA really matter that much to you?” Jungkook complains and you are left ignoring his comments.

If there was one thing that your older sister taught you (something you actually agree with) is that colleges love a good GPA and joining as many clubs as possible. You even remembered how she’d phrase it for you; college admissions officers will cream their pants when you score that 4.0 GPA and do something out of the box from the rest of your peers.

“Or just get smarter, Guk.” Hoseok poked fun at Jungkook, earning a shrug from Jungkook. Namjoon, on the other hand, is smiling from ear to ear at the dynamic between the elder and the youngest of the group.

“Let me see your schedule.” Namjoon urges as he spots your clear binder which has your printed schedule on the cover. You push over your binder to Namjoon who is scanning your binder; he reads through your name, your birth date, the list of teachers you had for the semester and the classes assigned to you.

You feel indifferent about the sudden attention on you, especially from Namjoon; a mere stranger who everyone obsessed over was so piqued by you. You observe the way the corner of his slips curve into an impressive smirk as he glances over at Hoseok.

“Guess who we have for calculus at the end of the day?” He slides over your binder where the rest of the group examine the rest of your schedule, only for Hoseok to find a coinciding class with you.

“How the fuck are you in a senior’s class? Are you some math whiz or something?” Taehyung’s eyes widen at the sight of an advanced calculus class on your schedule. It was one of the things you were proud of you; you were good at math – it happened to be Sena’s worst subject and your parents often joke what she lacked; you had gained immensely.

“Yeah, YN’s cracked, hyung. I don’t understand. I remember in middle school they had to make arrangements for her to get into a pre-caclulus class or some shit like that.” Jungkook finishes his fruit cup and gathers all of the trash on site to toss over to the closest garbage bin.

Namjoon is sliding your binder right back at you, brows raised at you with the same grin he had on. He stares at you for what seemed like a long time – to you, it seemed like a long time and he is glancing back down at where your fingers brush against each other and he pulls away, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

“I – um, saw that you were taking orchestra too.”

You nod and chew on your cheek, self-conscious all of a sudden about your appearance because you are very much aware that Namjoon is examining every aspect of your face.

“Yeah. I mean, I already know how to play the piano, so I might as well learn how to play another instrument, right?”

“No – yeah, you’re right.” He stammers and he folds his hands together only to be interrupted by Jimin tossing over a bag of pretzels at Namjoon.

“Bell’s about to ring. Pretzels was all they had left. We need to head to physics soon.” Taehyung and Jimin are swinging their bags over their shoulders. Hoseok is too busy on his phone, showing Jungkook a video of his new choreography.

Suddenly, you are receiving a plethora of notifications in the depths of your jean pocket. Your fingers unlock your phone only to reveal a series of text messages from your sister.

Sena [12:29]: Did you just spend your entire lunch with Kim Namjoon?

Sena [12:32]: Earth to YN?

Sena [12:39]: GUK IS FRIENDS WITH ALL 4 OF THEM.

Sena [12:41]: You have officially made a fucking impression to this school. I’m so proud of you. You’re sitting with us at lunch tomorrow.

“Guess I’ll see you later, YN.” The bell doesn’t descend you back to reality. Instead, it was his voice that brings you to pack up your things into your bag. “You might want to sit at the back for Mr. Lu’s biology class; he’s a spitter.” Namjoon swings his backpack over his shoulder. “He reuses the same lesson plan every year. If you need any help with them, you know who to look for.”

As you’re swinging your own bag, Namjoon leaves you with a wink as he is exiting the doors of the cafeteria into the school hallways.

Now, you understand why the entire world was obsessed with Kim Namjoon.

“Alright, let’s get started,” Mrs. Kang, your calculus, is a middle-aged woman who didn’t look like she had aged past thirty. You found it incredibly hard to believe the woman was nearly in her mid-forties who had three kids of her own. She looked like a stern woman but had a good heart from what you remembered; she only wanted what was best for the class even though it meant tormenting them with a shit ton of homework. “I don’t need to go over the syllabus with you bunch. As you can see, this is a much smaller class than a regular class because not a lot of people pass this class.”

Silence fills the room from when you had first arrived. You were one of the last few people to find your seat because your class was all the way on the other side of campus. It seemed like everyone in your class were juniors or seniors. There were so many of them who knew each other from previous classes; they were all huddled in their own designated spots in the class, so you sat at the front of the class because all the seats at the back had been taken and it may help that you’re at the front because it’ll force you to pay attention.

“There’s a lot of material to cover and there’s only so much I can do. Since we’ve implemented the new block schedule, we’ll only be seeing each other for an hour and a half every Wednesdays and Fridays. First thirty minutes will be on new material, next thirty minutes will be spent on practice problems, and then the last thirty minutes will be working with your partner on getting your homework started. I’ve figured getting a head start on the homework for the last thirty minutes will be helpful just in case you or your partner are lost, you have me to ask for assistance.”

Someone’s hand raises up in the air out of your periphery.

Mrs. Kang points to them. “Yes, Namjoon?”

“How do we determine who are partners will be?”

“Please tell me we get to pick our partners.” Mrs. Kang is already turning her back to the class as she searches for a box that had been hidden behind her computer monitor only for her shake the contents of the box.

“The last time I gave the students the opportunity to choose who their partner was, I’ve written a disciplinary notice for academic dishonesty twice a week.” Mrs. Kang prefaced, and the room goes silent. As she continues ruffling through folded papers inside the wooden box, you are already aware of how the partner system is going to work.

Everything was going to be randomly assigned.

“We have 26 of you total which means there will be 13 pairs.” Mrs. Kang announces, and she walks around the class starting from the left where the person is picking a folded paper out of the box. Each person who had unfolded their paper sat patiently until Mrs. Kang had completed distributing the paired assignments around the room. She is fetching a pen and paper as she sits on her desk.

“Alright, our first pair is –” Mrs. Kang looks up to see two people raise their hands; it had been Hoseok and a girl with the prettiest bangs named Mimi. Mrs. Kang continued jotting down the pairs until you scanned the number on your own paper; a large 12 inscribed on your already tattered paper.

You hear Mrs. Kang’s voice as she calls out for the twelfth pair and you raise your hand. You don’t see anyone in your periphery raise their hands, so you turn your body around to search for your partner.

Your body turns cold and still, but you can feel your cheeks get warm at the sight of Namjoon seated down at the back with Hoseok with his hands raised, revealing that he had pulled the same number as you. The thumping in your heart is loud and it beats hard as each moment passes.

Both your hands lower and you are trying to turn your attention back to the front of the class where your teacher stood, but you can feel his eyes on you. You remembered scolding yourself, unaware of why you were so nervous and so shocked to be his partner – he saw you nothing more than another classmate; someone to help him with his assignments.

“Perfect! Since we have our pairs, everyone will be sitting next to their partner from now on; I don’t care where it’ll be. I just need you to sit with them, so we’re not scrambling at the last thirty minutes of class to find them.” Mrs. Kang says sternly, clearly not wanting to waste time in this class. “Shall we begin?”

“How do you already have so much shit to do?” Jungkook laid comfortably on your bed, shoving down salt and vinegar potato chips that your parents had bought from the store last weekend. “Do you like never take a break from reading or what?”

“It’s just a really interesting book.” You say as you flip through the next page and bite into an apple.

You two laid on your bed, basking in the afternoon sun. Normally, you two didn’t have this much down time. Last summer, you two volunteered to be camp counselors to lessen the boredom you two would endure. It was either that or spending every goddamn weekend on the golf course with Jungkook’s parents and yours.

“I was thinking of trying out for the track & field team.” Jungkook informs you and you resume reading. “Namjoon-hyung tells me that the team runs right after school and it sounds fun. Events are early though, and we all know I’m not an early riser.”

The mention of Namjoon urged you to reminisce back to your last period that day. Mrs. Kang mentioned that she wasn’t going to let the class immediately sit right next to their homework partner – thank god. You just wouldn’t know what to talk about with him; you don’t really know what to talk about with people because they always somehow led the conversation back to your older sister.

But, at the end of class, he did manage to keep up with you as you hastily packed all your items into the bag before you darted outside of the classroom. You planned on walking home with Jungkook and you two would meet at the front of the school. Namjoon, somehow, caught up to you in time.

He had grabbed your arm and greeted with you with his million-dollar smile. “Hey,” He breathes, and you stop to offer him a meeker and shier smile.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“You’re meeting with Guk?”

You give him a single nod before he hands you two pieces of paper. You’re curious as to what they are, and you see the words parent’s consent form along with the health forms to give to a doctor – for a physical.

“He’ll know what they’re for.” He reassured you and you hold onto the forms. “Thanks for that. I have to go; I have a meeting in five minutes with the student council.”

“I’ll be sure to give it to him. Was there anything else you wanted to tell him?”

He shakes his head, and he starts reversing his steps, clutching onto the straps of his bags. “I – um, I’m really looking forward for calculus – you know, the whole partner thing. I must be really lucky to be partnered with a cracked, math whiz like you.”

Now, you’re blushing because you weren’t really sure if you were supposed to be flattered or offended.

And he read you so well because he is suddenly panicking but he hid it. He stops his reverses, and he takes one step closer to you.

“I’ll see you and Guk at lunch tomorrow, if that’s alright?” He hums; his voice sounded so soft and clear to you – no one can hear a single thing he had said to you, but you heard him bright as day. Suddenly, you feel a grin creep up to your mouth and you nod once. You had regained some of your confidence back and Namjoon can see it. “Cool, well, I’ll see you ‘round, YN.”

“Earth to YN.” Jungkook snaps at you and you pay attention to your friend who is lying next to you. “Did you hear a single thing I said?”

“Sorry ‘bout that. I dozed for a couple minutes.” You admit and he scrunches his brows, dismissing your moment of silence.

“I was asking how it was like to be in a class of seniors.”

“There’s no difference, honestly.” You begin your thought. “It sucks just because I don’t really know anyone, and everyone knows everyone.”

“Yeah, but you have Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung.” Jungkook reassures you. “They’re basically your friends now because we’ll be hanging around them a lot.”

You weren’t sure if you were looking forward to or nervous to be spending a lot more time with the older guys. They made a good first impression on you though; they’ve probably only mentioned your sister’s name once. Granted, it was only thirty minutes spent together, but it was so much better than most of the conversations you’ve had with everybody else.

“That’s true. I have Namjoon as my homework partner, so I’ll… definitely need to get along with him.” You chuckle under your breath as you read through each line without comprehending a single thing. Your mind had been so clouded with the idea of Namjoon and you weren’t sure why.

Jungkook decided not to stay for dinner that evening even though mom made two pans of lasagna to feed a village. However, he did help you and your mother prepare it. Your mom was pretty insistent on it, so you promise that you’d be giving him some leftovers for lunch the next day. Your dad arrived home next; it was a typical evening – he beelined to your mom, planted a kiss on her cheek and patted your back before he hastily moved to the office to continue working. Sena arrived home from school at a later hour than usual before she was already setting the plates on the dining table.

“Alright, Guk, final offer.” Your mother says as she is pulling out two piping pans of lasagna out of the oven.

“No, thanks, Mrs. LN.” He respectfully declines before he is swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Mom’s expecting me home right about now for dinner. I’ll definitely ask YN to pack me up some leftovers though.”

“Alright.” She waves him a goodbye before you are showing him to the door. “Walk home safely.” She bids him a goodbye softly as she pulls the foils off the pan.

“Pack me an extra serving, please.” Jungkook pleads and you roll your eyes before he already made his way out of the door.

“Honey, dinner’s ready!”

“You did not tell me Jungkook was friends with Namjoon.” Sena settles herself on the dining table and you sit right across from her, waiting for your mom to begin serving everyone a slice of lasagna.

“Quite frankly, I didn’t know Jungkook even knew Namjoon either. I’d say I’m just as surprised as you are, but I really don’t know what the fascination is with Namjoon.” You lied through your teeth as your mom serves herself first (she called dibs on the corner piece) and you decide on getting the smallest piece since you weren’t so hungry that evening.

“Are you talking about Mr. and Mrs. Kim’s son? Is this the same Namjoon we’re talking about right now?” Your mom’s curiosity is evident in her tone, taking small bites out of a side salad she had prepared.

“Yes, and Sena is hopelessly in love with him.” You shove the lettuce into your mouth as you wait for your lasagna serving to cool down momentarily.

“How can you not be in love with him?” She breathes out hastily. Your dad has his brows raised in disbelief; his daughter talking endlessly about her crush.

“He is a nice boy; responsible, kind, gentle, polite, seems to get things done, really cute too.” Your mom lists his never-ending advantages, and you stray away from their eyes because you hate the admit that you find him incredibly cute.

“Can we please talk about something other than this boy?” Your father is already exhausted from listening to you talk about Namjoon and you don’t blame him, really. “How was the first day for you, dear?” He refers to you and you are still chewing on your dinner.

“I have three classes with Guk. I like all of my classes so far; I can already tell calculus is going to be… a lot of work. We have a test every week and we mandatory study sessions after school for the exam to qualify for college credits. Thankfully, I have a partner to work with just in case I don’t understand anything. There’s also –”

“Who’s your partner? Maybe I know them.”

Your silence is defeating, and you look at your dad who is waiting for his answer and you dart your eyes back at Sena who is piecing the puzzle in her head, so she drops her mouth open, gasping at your lack of a response.

“No fucking way!”

“Language, please, Sena.” Your mom scolds.

“I mean, you’ve been in the same classes as him before! I’m sure you’ve been in a group project with him or something. You guys are in the same clubs. I don’t understand why you haven’t asked him out.” You weren’t so sure what motivated you to blurt it all out because your sister was definitely a good catch, but the obsession with him was getting way out of hand.

“That’s ridiculous, YN. I would never ask out a guy. I don’t even know he likes me that way.” Sena is taking small bites out of her dinner and you sigh to yourself, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “If there was only a way for me to find out. It’s not like I have a sister who’s partners with him in a class – oh, she’s also best friends with his next-door neighbor! How convenient.”

She eyes at you where you decide to focus on your meal, but her eyes are pleading and desperate.

“I… am completely eliminating myself from this predicament, Sena. If you want to ask him out for yourself, you should do it. Besides, who wouldn’t like you? You’re amazing.” Your voice is sincere and genuine, and you hope she pushes all of her fears and insecurities to the side to do something about her feelings.

“It would just be so much easier if I knew if he thought I was cute or something.”

“Everyone thinks you’re cute.”

“That’s not the point, YN. Listen, how ‘bout this? You don’t even have to drop my name in there; just ask what his ideal girl is like or something… or let Guk do the work! I’m sure he already knows the answer. Just help a girl out, please, YN.” You sigh defeated because your sister was really good at convincing.

It wasn’t really hard to figure out what type of girl Namjoon was interested in or… if he was interested in girls. All of this was easier said than done and you were going to rely on Jungkook a lot on this.

“I’m not going to prioritize this.” You surrender and she is giddy in her seat.

“YN, you are the best sister anyone could ask for.”

Several weeks have passed since you had last had your conversation with your older sister. You made an emphasis that you weren’t going to prioritize delving into Namjoon’s personal life. You were purely on a calculus homework and best friend’s next door neighbor relationship with him. But you finally get an idea of what Namjoon likes in a girl when he had to leave early for calculus to get pep rally ready for the first football game that Friday.

Unknown [14:34]: It’s Namjoon. Got your number from Guk.

For some reason, you feel your heart leap out of your chest at the text message. You’re still seated in calculus class working on the first few problems of your homework without him. You look up to see that Mrs. Kang is too busy assisting other students confused with the problem. Honestly, you were confused too and were unsure with your methods, but your mind had been too focused on your cellphone the entire time.

Namjoon [14:35]: Should’ve gave you the heads up about this. Sorry about leaving you alone to work. ):

You [14:36]: It’s no big deal. Seems like everyone’s confused, tbh.

Namjoon [14:36]: Fuck, mb. It’s the first game of the night, so I’m kind of required to be here. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Namjoon [14:37]: I have some down time after setting up. Maybe we can work on it then?

You [14:37]: Just tell me the time and place, I’ll be there. (:

Namjoon says that he had somebody covering his duties for the student council before the game began. You see him rushing inside a computer lab that remained open for students to use. You had reserved a table at a secluded corner because you wanted to be away from prying eyes. He spots you trying to reread your notes and erase the umpteenth method you had tried for a word problem you were stuck on.

He admires the way your brows knit together; lips pursed as you began redoing your method on a separate piece of paper. He keeps standing, not taking his place on the chair right next to you – too afraid that you would interrupt your flow. You feel a presence right next to you and he nearly gives you a fright and you realize just how tall he is.

“You scared me.” You inform and he chuckles softly at how endearing it was. He takes the seat right next to you where he is already pulling out notebook and pencils from his bag.

“I left my book at my locker. Do you mind if I share your book with you?” You look at your open textbook and nod at once pushing the textbook closer for both of you to see. “Thanks.” He scoots much closer than you had intended and when he strips his hoodie off of him, you can smell his cologne and how good it smelled on him.

You ignore your thoughts and scurry back to the problem you’re on.

“What problem did you end on?” He inquires and you point to the exact word problem you had been staring at for the past thirty minutes in class.

“It’s been bugging me. I didn’t want to ask Mrs. Kang because I wanted to figure it out myself.” You were so stubborn, he thought to himself. You had only completed a total of eight problems when there was so much more to do for the weekend. For some reason, you decided to stay stuck on that problem for god knows how long and Namjoon found it adorable – one of the few attributes he liked about you.

He reads the word problem and begins trying to solve the problem on his own. After several tries, he had figure out what you had done wrong and he so desperately wanted to point it out to you. Just when he was about to open his mouth, you turn to him and shake your head, covering your ears with your hands.

“No. I refuse to let you tell me what you did wrong. I can figure this out myself.” You whisper harshly. Namjoon can’t help but respond with silenced laughter because this is exactly how your homework sessions have been going; just the both of you refusing to let the other correct each other until the other figured it out themselves.

“Can I give you one clue?”

“Nope.” You popped your ‘p’ to accentuate just how persistent you were. You stuck out your lower lip as you examined the word problem again and he looked at the glossiness of your mouth and the softness of your cheeks; how he desperately wanted to lay his own petals right on yours as his fingers crawl to your face.

“So, I have a question.” He starts.

“And I can try to give you an answer depending on what it is.”

“Are… you and Guk by any chance – y’know?” His question is vague, but you definitely know what he is asking you because lots of people were never really used to the idea of a boy and a girl ever being best friends; for some reason, people assume they always end up dating and never talking to each other again.

“God, no. I love him, but I don’t love him like… I’d date him.” Your cheeks were fully flamed, and you weren’t so sure why you were so embarrassed to discuss this with Namjoon. All the times you had to clarify people on your relationship with Jungkook, you were almost disgusted and quick to reassure people that you two were nothing more than friends.

“Well, is there anyone you were willing to date?” Namjoon is pushing the boundaries here and he knows it very well. But he feels like he has gotten to know you well enough in the past few weeks to ask such a question.

“Not that… I know of really.” You try to remain composed when you respond to his question, but you feel his eyes burn into your soul, so you’re doing everything you can to avoid his stare. But Namjoon continues to stare right into you. He really can’t take his eyes off of you. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced what it’s like to be attracted to –” Just when you had mustered the confidence to look at him, he is quite literally staring so deeply into your eyes that it is taking your breath away.

He is making you eat your words right now; you can’t take your eyes off of him.

“You don’t know what it’s like to…?”

“I don’t what it’s like to be attracted to someone.” You sigh softly; your breath fanning him. “On the contrary, I don’t think anyone’s ever really been attracted to me.” A chuckle comes erupting from your mouth, shaking your head. “Fortunately, that’s not really my goal in high school.”

“You don’t know that.” He quips.

“I don’t know what?”

“If someone’s been attracted to you before.” You shake your head in disbelief, chewing on the inside of your cheek knowing fully well that he was doing this because he wanted to seem like a dick for not disagreeing with your self-deprecation.

“Well, what about you?” You pose the question to him. “From what I understand, most girls and guys I pass by swoon every time you pass by.” He is chuckling to himself this time and he is very much aware of his desirability among his classmates. “You have plenty of choices; I’m sure you have the opportunity to date someone you must really like at this very moment.”

“That’s what I’m hoping on. I’m just not quite sure how she feels about me.” You feel like you were unraveling his darkest secrets and you were happy he considered you close enough to reveal who it is or give an inkling to who it is.

“Do I know her by any chance?” You’re hoping that you can narrow down who he is interested in. Because you barely knew anybody, you knew this would be a piece of cake.

“Yes.” He replies simply and he is staring at you. “You know her very well, YN.” He sighs, hoping you would finally understand what he is alluding to.

“Is she in my grade?” You were really hoping that the answer would be no or else you’d be breaking some terrible news to Sena that evening after the football game.

Namjoon nods slowly and he can see how you are not picking up his hints. He sees the slight disappointment in your face for whatever reason. Suddenly, he is perplexed because, in his eyes, he has made it pretty clear who he was interested in from the get-go. Many people should make the assumption, too, considering there was only one person he had his eyes on – only one person he was giving his attention to.

“Is it… that girl in Guk’s class who –”

As you are trying to list out the girls in your class who has interacted with Namjoon, he is in complete disbelief that you have not figured it out at all. How much more clueless could you get? He is sighing now because is frustrated. He admires your persistence when it came to solving difficult word problems in calculus but it’s frustrating when you are unaware of his feelings for you.

Just when is about to confess his feelings for you, you are greeted with another presence calling for both your names.

“So, this is where you two have been.” Jungkook ambles hastily towards your table and you grin from ear to ear when he is taking out his algebra textbook. “YN, one last chance, please. I didn’t pass my last quiz which brought me one letter grade down and my dad’s going to make me quit track & field if I don’t –”

“I told you I’d help you over the weekend, dumbass. I’m busy getting shit done with Namjoon.” You breathe softly before he is hugging you on your side and you grunt at how much stronger he has gotten. “But you’re buying me coffee for a week.”

“Sick.” Jungkook simply replies before he begins unpacking some of his homework. “You excited for the football game, Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook queries and Namjoon is baffled because the moment is gone. One interruption from his next-door neighbor and the moment’s lost.

“Fuck yeah.” Namjoon replies and he sees that you’ve suddenly lost interest in the subject. You were subconsciously listening on their conversation while you are back to resolving the complicated word problem right in front of you. “Will you two be going to the game?”

“I’ll go, but YN won’t go because she hates crowds and, honestly, she doesn’t know how the game.” You exhale in response to Jungkook’s statements. Namjoon observes that you decide to move onto another problem, wanting to tackle the word problem at a different time. “Everyone you know will practically be there. Why not give it a shot?”

“We usually have half of the bleachers reserved for the student council since we’re in charge of tickets and concessions, so it won’t be that big of a crowd.” Namjoon attempts to entice you with modifications to appease your concerns. “Plus, we’d all get to hang out with each other; no homework, no calculus talk – just… us.”

Jungkook is stunned to see you agree.

The night was a lot more enjoyable than you thought it would be. Namjoon waived off the entrance fee for the game the moment he mentioned that you and Jungkook were volunteers. Taehyung was already on the field taking photographs of the football players and cheerleaders while Jimin took photographs of the students on the bleachers. You even passed by your own sister who was busy with her own group at the entrance entertaining friends, families, and alumni into the bleachers. Meanwhile, Namjoon was overseeing every single aspect of the event; he was mainly at the concessions, not wanting to create so much traffic around it.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You offer your assistance before he notices that you have your hair all tied up. “I’ve washed my hands if that helps.” Namjoon can’t hide his smile and he offer you a pair of food safe gloves.

“I’m usually one to decline help, but we really need it. Let’s see – Yuqi really needs to go use the bathroom, so you can be in charge of the drinks and chips right now.” You take your station at the drinks and chips stations. It was going faster than you had expected; people ordered too fast or too slow – there was no in between. There were people who were very certain with their order which you appreciated. Then, there were the people who were very fickle with their order and you can’t help but stand awkwardly to wait for them to decide.

“I can’t believe you roped me into helping.” Jungkook grumbles under his breath. “Hey, I didn’t rope you into anything.” You take the five-dollar bill from the student and offer them back their change.

“Yeah, but you made me seem like a real asshole sitting there not helping.” You can’t help but laugh at Jungkook’s pout because you knew just how much he wanted to just spend his time on the bleachers, watching the game with his hyungs. But he was stuck here helping out the student council while most of them were on their bathroom breaks.

“Once someone’s back from their bathroom break, you can go back to your game.” You soothe him and the chaos outside the booth is starting to die down. Less and less people were coming because they’ve all satisfied their craving and the game was building up – it was pretty close, so you understand why Jungkook was in there sulking with you. When you turn to look at Namjoon, hoping to convince him to let Jungkook off the hook, you don’t see him there.

You look out the window to hear your sister’s pretentious giggle. She laughed so differently around him – acted so differently around him. He stood right next to her with the rest of the council members, giving them a big pep talk. She looked at him like he was an angel who fell from heaven. Their conversation ends and the rest of the council members disband except Sena and Namjoon. They are having a personal conversation and you can’t read mouths, but you can’t tear your eyes away from their beaming faces.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” You clear your throat, speaking so softly so only Jungkook can hear you.

“I’m all ears.”

“Does – does Namjoon have a type?” You say out of curiosity. Jungkook raises a brow at you, curious as to what motivated you to ask the question.

“Uh, I don’t know. I’ve never really heard hyung talk about any girls… or his type, to be honest.” He hums and he is staring at you stare at your sister and Namjoon. “Why’d you ask?”

“It’s… for Sena.” It was the truth, but your own curiosity was definitely a motivating factor. “She’s been obsessed with Namjoon since… as long as I can remember.” You breathe out, hoping no one else can eavesdrop on your conversation. “She’s been talking a lot about him more since she found out I knew him, y’know?”

“Huh,” Jungkook leans on the table and folds his arms. “Why doesn’t she just tell him?”

“Apparently, she needs some sort of confirmation that he thinks of her that way too, so she doesn’t make a fool of herself.”

“Why don’t you just ask him then?” Your silence is clearly something Jungkook wasn’t expecting because you never actually considered it once. “He’s a pretty easy-going guy; just ask him and he’ll be honest.”

“We’re not on that level of friendship yet, I guess.”

“Well, I consider you guys close enough to ask that kind of question.”

“Then, he’d just assume I’m being friends with him because my sister was using me.”

“Well, are you?”

“No.”

Your own answer stuns you almost. Just a couple weeks ago, you knew nothing of Namjoon and, suddenly, you are on a level of friendship where you think you can confide him in anything. Perhaps, now, you really understood why everyone obsessed over him; why everyone wanted to be friends with him, why everyone wanted to date him, why everyone just wanted to be noticed by him.

“Then, feel free to ask him yourself.”

You hadn’t really worked up the courage to talk to Namjoon about his dating life. You repeated to yourself that it wasn’t really a priority to delve into what goes on behind the scenes with Namjoon. You were in a consistent state of going to school, doing your homework, reading books, and retraining your body to try out for the swim team next semester. 

But the time came when you got sick for an entire week and missed so much material, especially calculus material.

But you were eternally saved by Namjoon himself.

Namjoon had requested to drop off the homework sheets and printed copies of his notes over to you. Everything was so detailed, and you were impressed with how organized everything seemed to be. You didn’t know what motivated you to reach for your phone on your bed and dial in his number. Maybe you felt like it deserved a personal thanks rather than a typed one.

“YN?” His voice on the other line sounded so surprised and there was so much noise on the other end. “Give me a second.” He excuses before you hear him move to another location, somewhere much quieter.

“How many times do I have to thank you for being an absolute saint?” Your voice sounded so stuffed. The flu was getting to you really bad, but you were recovering well. But he chuckles into the receiver and you are flipping through each page he had printed before you fall onto your bed, sighing blissfully. “I’m serious, Joon. I’ll say it a million times if I have to.”

“You’ve pulled my weight when I was off doing council work so much. I’m sure if I got sick, you’d do the exact same thing. It’s what partners do.” Namjoon is smiling from ear to ear; he was glowing, and no one was there to really witness it. “I – um, did you see my note attached at the back?”

You are now flipping through the pages frantically until you see a handwritten sticky note that read: “We have a quiz on the Monday you come back. I’m free this weekend if you wanted to study with me.” And there was even a little smiley face attached to it and you are experiencing a whirlwind of emotions.

“You have got to be fucking with me.” You can feel the panic starting to bubble in the pits of your belly, but you were trying not to let it show. “You’ve already done so much for me. I can’t rob you of your weekend. It’s just – It’s just too much.”

“I’m happy to do it, Ace. I promise.” The guy deserved everything in the world because he was too generous for the world and you weren’t so sure what you did to deserve such kindness.

“Ace?”

He chuckles embarrassingly into the receiver, chewing on his cheeks. “I – uh, it’s a nickname. I hope you don’t mind.” Suddenly, butterflies erupt from your stomach and there is a glow on your cheeks that you are very much aware of and you are curling into your bed with a shit eating grin on your face.

“I – I like it.” You sigh and Namjoon leans on the wall as he observes the rest of his friends and council members enjoy slices of pizza, taking a well-deserved break from preparing for the pep rally event coming up next week.

“So, is that a yes to a study session this Saturday?”

“Yes.” Your voice is small and hesitant because it feels like you’re doing something wrong when you were just having a quiz session with your calculus partner.

“Great. My place or yours?”

Namjoon insisted on coming over to your place because you were still recovering. Coincidentally, your parents had the weekend trip away with your dad’s work colleague for a wine tasting event. You debated whether you wanted to tell Sena that Namjoon was going to be arriving in an hour, but you soon realize that she was out with her friend’s house for a movie night session.

You had the place all to yourself and you were relieved and frantic all at once.

You busied yourself the entire day to make yourself look decent; brushed hair, brushed teeth, clean face, and fresh clothes. You throw used tissues into trash bins, changed your sheets, and kicked all of your dirty laundry into your hamper that had fallen on the carpeted floors. As you are jogging downstairs, you discover you have no food in the fridge, so you’d probably have to order a pizza or something to share with Namjoon.

Immediately, you question why you are so desperate to make the place and yourself so presentable when this was a mere tutoring session with your calculus partner?

The doorbell ringing prompts you to peek through the peep hole and you see him; he is wearing a regular white t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. He has his hoodie thrown over his shoulder as he begins texting a message on his phone, waiting for you to open the door for him.

When you unlock the front door and open the door for him, you smile timidly at him.

“Hi,” You greet him nervously.

“Hey, Ace.” He waves before he examines how you look. Despite your red nose and tired eyes, he missed seeing your face for a week; he really did. You stood awkwardly fiddling with your fingers and he can sense just how anxious you are, so he decides to tread lightly. “May I come in?”

His tone is so polite which effectively allows you to open the door wider for him to enter. You are nodding and you close the door shut behind him, ensuring that you have locked them. “I – um, I can’t really offer you anything to eat since my parents are out of town, but we can order pizza, if you want. It’s what my sister and I usually do.”

“I’m more than okay with pizza.” He permits and you nod and begin walking to the living room. “Will we be working here?”

“We can work anywhere.” You announce. The conversation is so light, and you hate how quick yet reluctant you are to your responses. “I – I can get you a glass of water, if you’d like. I’ll just get my things from upstairs and bring them down to the living room.” You inform him and he nods as he is making himself comfortable on the couch.

You are scurrying off upstairs to go get your materials and catching your breath because you think you were holding your breath the entire time. You’re stalling because you’re making a check list of every single thing you need for downstairs to avoid seeing him or talking with him. Just when you are about to exit, you see him at the bottom of the stairs. He is examining each family portrait on the wall.

Your face is hot because you can only imagine how terrible you looked like a child, so you jog downstairs with your study materials to gain his attention. “I never really realized how much Sena looks like your dad.” Namjoon comments and you stop in your tracks, only to examine the portrait he is looking at. “Exact same nose and smile.”

You purse your lips into a thin line because you are reminded once again that he is probably only interested in getting to know Sena – there was always that possibility. You were so familiar with this feeling of discussing your sister with other people because – yes, she is absolutely beautiful and intelligent and there was no denying it.

“But you are like your mother.” He comments as he takes a closer look at your mom who seems to be so much more youthful. “The way she’s smiling here looks so much like the way you smile.” He describes and you allow him to explain more by staying silent. “When you smile, your nose kind of crinkles and the corners of your eyes creases and your dimples are a lot more –”

Your throat seizes because you’re flattered and aware that he has perfectly examined your appearance and all the features in what he sees. He grows silent and he is chuckling nervously, scratching the back of his hand to distract himself.

“Sorry that was… super random.” Namjoon clears his throat, and you are shaking your head before you point towards the living room.

“I – I’m ready now.”

Now, you’re desperately hoping Sena doesn’t come home too early from her friend’s house.

Hours have passed since Namjoon have gotten you caught up with all of the materials and have assisted you through last week’s homework sheets. Namjoon was impressed with how you can keep up despite your recovering condition. One minute, you were sneezing and wiping your nose clean and, the next minute, you have your lips pursed and brows furrowed as you are writing equations down on a separate piece of paper.

“I got a question for you.” Namjoon begins and you are still too busy piecing everything together for a specific word problem you wanted to master.

“Shoot.”

“Are you always this focused?” You are typing things into a calculator before you are erasing things on your paper and you turn to look at him, showing him the calculator.

“Is this the right answer?” You ignore his question for a moment.

He nods and you grin at him before you proceed onto the next word problem.

“If I’m a week’s worth of lessons behind, yes, I’m focused all the time.” Namjoon is shaking his head and he is in awe at how you are so quick at writing all the information; he notices how neat your handwriting is too. Namjoon checks his watch and realizes just how late it has been and he clears his throat as he looks out the window to see the sun has gone completely down.

“Will your sister be coming home tonight?” Namjoon notices that you stop writing – you stop solving the word problem that you are tackling because you, suddenly, realize that he is asking about your sister.

“She’s probably still at a friend’s house or something.” He senses the atmosphere has changed and you shift your mind back to the practice problem right in front of you. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason – well, I honestly thought she should be taking care of her recovering sister.” You snicker at his statement.

“She’s a great sister, but she’s not that great.” You quip, biting your tongue at how ridiculous he sounded. “I think we can all agree that she’s smart, charismatic, and ambitious. I will admit she’s a really considerate sister too, but she thinks caring for her ill sister is a parents’ job – not hers.”

“Okay, okay, I get it she’s amazing but not… amazing.” He raises his hands to surrender and his words coming out of his mouth urged you to inquire about his relationship with her.

“If you think she’s amazing, why don’t you date her?” The words came spilling out of your mouth uncontrollably. Maybe it was the meds, you thought. You see the grin disappear from Namjoon’s face into utter confusion and he tilts his head for further clarification. “What I mean is that… you’ve known her and worked with her for so long and she’s a great girl – I’m obviously really biased considering she’s my sister, but you two would make a… great couple.”

You didn’t believe that you were talking about this to Namjoon. You didn’t think you would have the guts to discuss this with him, but the opportunity came up and you took it. But you are faced with such an unfamiliar emotion. True discomfort arises at the pit of your stomach as Namjoon’s brows furrow together and he is shaking his head with the same boyish grin he always flaunted to the world.

“Ace, she’s great, but I… honestly see her as a friend.” He isn’t so sure how many times he’s reiterated those words before. Because little did you know, so many people have asked the exact same thing. Peers and colleagues in their class were very much aware of Sena’s not so little crush on Namjoon for quite some time.

“Well, I mean, isn’t that how all relationships really start? Becoming friends and then possibly developing feelings for each other? Most people always see each other as friends until one of them is aware of the others’ feelings, right?” Your tone was so quizzical. You were treating this conversation like it required rationale and logical reasoning to tackle the issue at hand.

But this wasn’t a problem the mind can solve.

“That’s the usual circumstance, yes.” He admits and he sees that you resume back to the worksheet. “But I’ve known Sena’s had a thing for me and, quite frankly, I’ve been interested in someone else for a while, remember?”

“Someone far more interesting than Sena?” You are in disbelief. You are trying to eliminate other people in school who is on the same social standing as your older sister. “That’s… not possible.” You breathe.

“You’re wrong.” You stop writing because you are retracing your steps on the word problem you are solving. He finds it so endearing how you can’t seem to understand that he is utterly into you, but you are so lost in numbers.

“No, don’t tell me, Joon. I’ve told you this hundreds of times –” You lift your head to look at him to accentuate your reminder; you didn’t want to know what you wrong, you wanted to solve the problem yourself unless you demanded the assistance yourself.

Normally, Namjoon would comply with your request. It was so rare for him to point out your mistake, but he figured this was the perfect time to do so.

“You’re so stubborn.” He breathes before he dives in.

You don’t complete your sentence. Because when you turn your head to look at him with pleading eyes, you are met with his pillowy petals on yours. Your cheeks heat instantaneously, and you can feel your heart leap from your chest.

His kisses were soft and slow. You don’t realize that he has already cupped your cheeks. You’ve never kissed anyone ever before but, for some reason, it was like you knew how to move your mouth against his. He was gentle but there was a certain control he possessed. You pull away momentarily to breathe and, suddenly, you feel the heat of his tongue swipe on your lower lip. A shuddered whimper leaves your mouth before you are regrettably pulling away from addiction.

“N – no, that’s not possible.” You’re still in denial from the events that occurred. “Sena – she’d be so… betrayed if she –” Your brain is glitching and it didn’t help that you can taste the mint of his lips on yours.

“Listen, Ace, for one moment stop thinking about Sena and answer me honestly.” Namjoon positions his body to look straight onto you. “Do you feel the same way I do or not?”

“I don’t – I don’t know.” You shrug before avoiding his eyes. “I – I shouldn’t like you.” You sigh defeated and you are covering your face. You were ashamed not because you like him, but because you didn’t understand what you were really feeling, and you didn’t understand what you wanted to do. “Why – why do you like me?”

“You’re hardworking and incredibly intelligent.”

“I know plenty of other girls who are… exactly the same.”

“Your tastes in book are impeccable. You’re selfless to a degree that I can’t quite comprehend. You keep to yourself, but when you speak your mind, it leaves a lasting impression. Listen, YN, I can keep going, but you can’t… keep doubting my feelings for you.” Namjoon justifies and it was a tough pill to swallow.

You were too stunned to say anything. Too many emotions flooding your brain and it took too long for it to process, so you remained expressionless. Namjoon found it incredibly difficult for him to read your face.

“Ace, it’s really hard to tell how you’re feeling right now.” He points out and you understand just how awkward you sat there; head spinning with so many things to say but very little coming out of your mouth.

“I – I don’t know what you want me to say.” You admit. “I’m not sure what you’re expecting out of me with a confession like this. If I don’t feel the same way, what would’ve happened? If I do feel the same way, what – what was I supposed to do?”

“Well, for starters, do you actually feel the same way as I do?”

“I – I do.” You croak to respond to his inquiry. “I – I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to myself either, but… I think I like you.”

A wave of relief washed over Namjoon, but there’s a bit of relief for you too. It’s out in the open now, and you know that there’s nothing really you can do about it. There’s a very content grin plastered right across his handsome face, but it slowly transforms into a frown as he realizes that, despite your feelings for each other, nothing will change between the both of you.

“Namjoon, we can’t be anything more than friends.” You realize the unfortunate circumstances the both of you were in. “It’s not fair to my sister. I don’t think it’s very fair to make me choose between you and my sister. I – I don’t think it’s very fair that… you’re in this position.”

Your heart swelled just moments ago, and you can feel it crumble into pieces as the words come spilling out of your lips.

“I understand.” He agrees softly and you perk up at his acquiescence. “I’m not going to force you to be in that position, Ace.” The reassurance softens your tense form, and his fingers cradle your chin, lifting up to be at eye level with you.

“But when you’re ready to reconsider... us, I’ll be waiting.”

↪ Please stay tuned for the next part!

[tundrainafrica]

the fact that people refuse that levi and han had a bond (even if it’s not romantic) is insane imo... like there’s the parallels between different relationships? and when you point them out there’s always someone who will say “eww don’t compare xx with levihan”

for example? ymir and historia??? there’s so many similarities, wanting to live for themselves, wanting to be together, the fact that one of them had to leave to protect the other one and they never got to tell each other how they felt? but the bond was there? the tall, more energetic one that wants to protect and show the short, seemingly jaded one that not everything has to be hopeless? their friendship? there’s no power imbalance, just pure love, understanding. they really loved each other...

oh and the bird with one wing, it’s as if han couldn’t fly anymore without levi (but i may be looking too much into it) and then levi fell too ahhh poetic cinema 😩 we’ve been getting a lot of hate recently...

This is like way up in my asks but a lot of it has been bothering me. I’ve seen a lot of antis on twitter denying Hange and Levi’s bond because lmao apparently what has been going on in 126 and 132 aren’t enough to make something canon. 

But as a fan, regardless of what antis say, regardless of what other shippers say I will stand by this ship, rain or shine, and I will fucking scream ‘LEVIHAN IS CANON.’ 

It just doesn’t make any sense really? Like what do people need for something to be canon? A gaudy verbal declaration of love? Love letters? Kissing? Fucking? 

I don’t believe we need a declaration of love to deem something canon. Yes, people won’t agree but the fact that we have been called delusional? Levihans on twitter have been called delusional for seeing canon on this? I didn’t just look at Levihan and the scenes in 126 and 132 and go ‘YUP ITS CANON,’ I actually did have a slow burn towards this because I just thought the way I see Levihan in canon is pretty much how I appreciate a lot of the relationships in real life. 

A lot of people wait for declarations of love, kissing, fucking, embracing and making out. Yes, those are conventional ways to prove that maybe those two can be together. But those types of bullshit are only as valuable or as meaningful as the subtle domestic actions that follow. We’ve seen relationships we deem canon before, then suddenly the guy cheats on the girl or the girl hits the guy or vice versa, or they just alternate between make ups and break ups until they get tired. So what? Do they still love each other? Even after allowing themselves through go through all that shit? 

I’ve never been in a relationship like that? I wouldn’t know what runs through people’s heads when they go through those? Stockholm? Hope that maybe their toxic lover will change for the better? I don’t know so I won’t comment about this. 

But I sincerely believe there is more to analyze, there is more to appreciate and there is more to emulate in a relationship grounded in mutual trust, bonds, and a relationship that has proven the test of time and challenges (aka Levi and Hange)

I don’t believe in kisses, sex scenes or verbal declarations of love. Just because those are the socially accepted ways to ‘show that love exists.’ They are inherently flawed proofs and evidences that there exists a relationship between people. And maybe the fact that these proofs are what people wait for before they something is canon, maybe that’s the reason why it’s so hard for people to recognize that people can have bonds without it? Maybe that’s why people figuring out they love someone is so hard? Because they wait for the urge to kiss or the urge to have sex? Or the urge to write a long ass love letter?

But really love and the drive to enter a committed relationship are so much deeper than intimacy and verbal declarations. Intimacy and Verbal Declarations are only as valuable as the intentions and the implicit messages that accompany them. 

I’ve never been a words person, I’ve always been an actions person and maybe that’s why I never did keep a lot of the old love letters and the old gifts people have given me. I don’t want verbal declarations of love or commitment, I want actions. Words are easy. Intimacy is easy. If people really meant it, they would constantly strive to change for the better. If people really meant it, they would hold their breath and listen even when they were angry. If people really meant it, they’d listen to feedback and constantly try to open up. 

If people really meant it, they’d stay true to commitments, acknowledge mistakes and constantly reach out of their comfort zone to make an effort to constantly improve. 

You know where I see love? Giving up your daily routine to save some extra cash so you can drop it for a partner who’s in need? You know what’s love? Changing how you go about your life, actively changing your bad habits so you can constantly be a better partner to the person you committed to. You know what’s love? Staying by someone’s side, completely trusting them and trying at least to know them like the back of your hand? 

You know what’s love? Actively abandoning your post to save your dying friend. 

And some people might go… This is just a ship. No, because personally how I ship is how I view relationships in real life.

I do not admire relationships  for their ability to display affection in public or their ability to write long letters to their loved ones. I admire relationships for their openness. I admire relationships where couples are able to keep their problems behind closed doors because they trust each other so well they can resolve everything together. I admire relationships where couples are complete opposites yet somehow manage to make things work because you know they made the effort to adopt microchanges to their personality to make that relationship work. 

I have friends in real life who are actively in a relationship, say they genuinely love their partner yet break up and make up every week. They call their partners such vile names when they’re angry, they fucking hurt each other yet a declaration of love every week somehow makes it okay. 

I have friends whose only proof they were ever together with their partners were the fact that they lived together, maybe co-owned five cats. And when I talk to them about their partners, they know everything about their partner from the back of their hand. “She wouldn’t do that. She won’t wake up that early.” They know each others habits and despite how different they are, they adjust. They have never said anything wrong about their partner. They have never talked shit about their partners to me. Sometimes, they would talk to me when they’re concerned or when they’re emotional, but they have never called their partner asshole, bitch, fucker in the heat of the moment. I have never heard them wish ill of their partner. 

BUT THEY HAVE NEVER PLAYED VICTIM. (And holy crap the amount of relationships I’ve seen where someone is willingly able to rant and say such horrifying things behind their partner behind their back is fucking terrifying. And the way they pull a 180 in public and around their partner?? That’s a relationship???  I have seen friends call their partners cruel and abusive, only for me to find out through message receipts that they’re both assholes.)

And I will live my whole life, advocating for relationships grounded in mutual bonds and a strive to grow with their partner, whether or not they have expressed the societally acknowledged, conventional romantic connotations of love or not. 

In the end, love is love. And love is manifested not in the romantic declarations of love but in the trust, sacrifice, the effort to change for the better, the commitment to stay with the person and grow with them. 

Love is abandoning one’s comfort zones. Love is staying by someone’s side, supporting them through the thick and thin. Love is supporting one another, keeping the dynamic balanced yet constantly moving. 

Love is facing life together and making sure the person you committed to, never feels alone or unloved. 

Do not reduce love and relationships to kisses and hugs and declarations of love.

And for the people who say, “Chill this is just a ship...” I ship because I believe in the dynamic and I believe in the depth that is hidden underneath the dynamic that was shown in the big screen. It’s the reflection of what I see in relationships in real life and it’s the model of what I’d want to see in my own relationships. 

So yes, please let the Levihans enjoy things thank you. 

[tillthelandslide]

Oh F*ck It

A/N: Hi everyone. I actually quite like this one, so I hope you all like it too. I appreciate any and all feedback. All of your support has been amazing, especially the wonderful people on my taglist, you guys know I love you all so much xx

Side Note: Part 7 of Jersey Love is on hold for the moment so I can finish writing and editing other stories and make my way through my requests. Hope thats okay. Love you all so much - L

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(if you would like to be added to my tag list, feel free to message me,    if you are new to my blog then I post Henry Cavill fanfics and make    Henry Cavill fake Instagram posts, my requests are open so feel free to    request anything  and I will try my best to make your vision come to  life. Edit: requests are still open but there might be a delay as I am  working my way through the current ones and all other stories I am  writing)   

Love. What a load of bullshit, you hated the idea of love. The idea that people could love someone despite how shitty they were pissed you off. Sure you knew people weren't perfect but come on, some people could just do better, be better. You felt genuinely awful when you found yourself thinking certain people didn't deserve to be loved. And you had begun to think that the thought in your mind meant you too didn’t deserve to be loved.

People often told you, "Y/n, you're too kind", "Y/N you're too good for him" and that too pissed you off. How could you be too good for one person and not good enough for someone else? That was the story of your life, the people you loved, didn't love you back, and the people that loved you, well... They fell under the formerly mentioned category of "not deserving love" and you suppose that fact was the reason you were yet to find someone. You were stuck up, only you thought it but it was still true. Someone who thinks there are people who don't deserve love, is stuck up, surely? Your friends and family would tell you that they agreed that some people don’t deserve love but it didn’t make you feel better, it made you hate the human race just a little more than you already did. You were kind, you knew that, only the people closest to you knew of these thoughts that you hated to have and the rest… they knew you as a lovely girl, a positive woman who worked hard and was strong. But that was the facade you presented.

You wish you were the type of person that believed everyone deserves love, but you weren't.

So here you were, sitting in your apartment drinking a beer all by yourself, waiting until your only true friend finished filming and came and listened to your moaning. Who is that friend you ask? The one, the only; Henry Cavill. How the fuck he was your friend you'll never know. He was about 7 years older than you but that didn't stop you from being best friends with him. He was a genuinely nice guy, the most humble person you knew (even in his position), he was kind and loving and you always told everyone he was the best thing that ever came into your life. He may be a recurring guest star in the filthiest of your dreams and fantasies but you'd never let him know that. You had the biggest crush on him but covered it up with witty and sarcastic humour, sure the two of you flirted but neither of you had the guts to progress your friendship, his fans knew you as his best friend and you thought it would stay that way until he inevitably found a girlfriend.  Little did you know that Henry felt the same way about you, in fact he was very much in love with his best friend, people said that you were too young but when you were together age was never an issue, in fact it was something Henry forgot about most days, only really thinking about it when someone had to comment on it (usually an ignorant reporter or pap)

You heard your door open, the jingle of keys, a coat being thrown somewhere, the sound of footsteps leading away from you into your kitchen, you heard the fridge open, you heard a beer open, all before you saw his face.

"Make yourself at home why don't you" you said, as he came into your living room and plopped himself down next to you. You instantly found yourself smiling and breathing him in, his usual scent invading your senses, making your eyes flutter shut for a second or two.

"Always do" he said simply, wrapping an arm around you to hug you.

"Ew get off" you joked, as you hugged him back, taking a deep breath as your head found a comfortable place in his shoulder..

"How was work?" you sang, making him jokingly groan at your singing.

"Good" was all he said and it made you chuckle.

"Henry Cavill everyone" you said, talking to an imaginary audience.

"How are you?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"Shitty as ever my friend" you said, clinking your bottle with him as his eyebrows lifted.

"Why are you so dressed up?" he said referring to your current attire, he took your appearance in, smirking to himself and trying his hardest (as ever) to keep his thoughts to himself. He always thought you looked amazing, the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on but tonight, he thought you looked phenomenally gorgeous and unfairly hot.

You were wearing black skinny jeans and a black satin shirt which had been undone when your plans got cancelled, revealing lace lingerie underneath. You didn't care that it was revealing and you were infront of Henry, it just didn't matter to you, you were comfortable with each other and to be frank, he had seen much more of you before.

"I was supposed to have a date with Damien but he cancelled. Couldn’t be bothered to get changed" you said, making him groan and tilt his head back.

"That douchebag again? " he said, which made you laugh, he sounded too posh to say douchebag.

"What's wrong with him?" you asked, making him chuckle and drink his beer.

"Well for one, he's a dick, two he treats you like shit and 3 he's a dick" he said laughing.

"Yeah well he wants me so eh" you shrugged, downing your drink, knowing that wasn’t a valid reason to keep seeing him.

"Really? He cancelled on you" he said matter of factly.

"Ouch. Hurt my feelings why don't you. We get it I'm repulsive nobody wants me" you said, making him frown at you as your hand placed itself over your heart feigning heartbreak at his words.

"That's not what I meant and you know that's not true" he said, downing his drink too.

"What's the truth then?" you asked, turning to face him, your back sliding down the sofa slightly.

"You have terrible taste in men" he said, laughing which made you hit him "ouch" he said, rubbing his arm, his forehead creasing as his eyebrows furrowed at you.

"Sorry, did I hurt you big guy?" you joked, hitting him again, making him grab your wrist to stop you.

"Seriously Y/N stop" he said, making you chuckle and pull your hand away.

"God why is dating so hard? Honestly I'm just going to give up" you said, making Henry groan in agreement.

"I mean if Superman can't find someone then I've got no hope" you said, making him chuckle, his eyes following you as you stood up.

"Another one?" you asked, making him nod, you walked to your kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out two more glasses of beer, popping the lids off..

"I miss sex" you heard Henry say making you laugh.

"Me too" you said, coming back into the room, passing him another beer, you walked to your speaker turning them on and taking your phone out of your pocket, throwing it to Henry who caught it one handedly, this was a common occurrence for the both of you, you’d give Henry your phone and he would play whatever he wanted from your music library.

"You and Damien haven't?" he asked, glancing between your phone and you as you resumed your position next to him, your head resting against his shoulder, looking at your phone in his hands.

"No we have but it was shit, didn’t get me where I needed to go if you get what I mean" you said, laughing to yourself.

"Why keep seeing him then? He's a dickhead and he can't make you cum? What's the point?" he said, making you laugh, finally shuffling a playlist of yours.

"Oh if you're fans heard you now Cavill" you said laughing to yourself, the music filling the room.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, bringing the bottom up to his perfect lips, downing a considerable amount, making you smirk and do the same.

"Just that they think you're so perfect. King Cavill they call you. Here you are, speaking all improper, having a beer with your clearly delusional and repulsive best friend and talking about cum" you said making him laugh alongside you.

"Eh, don't think they'd mind" he said, turning to face you.

“That’s true, think you could practically do anything and they’d bow down” you laughed, in your mind you understood perfectly why they acted the way they did and you truly loved every single person who loved Henry because they represented everything you were, everything they saw and thought about Henry, you thought, but considerable more because you knew him, all of him, not just the person he presented himself as.

"And stop calling yourself repulsive, you're not repulsive, far from it actually" he said.

"Calm down Cavill. Carry on being so sweet and I might think you’re in love with me" you joked, shoving his chest lightly.

"Yeah because that's not possible" he mumbled, you not hearing what he said.

"Huh?"

"Nothing"

"You look exhausted" you said, looking over his features, he had bags under his eyes and the skin around his face was drooping, you still thought he looked handsome but still, he needed to rest more.

"Thanks" he chuckled deeply, closing his eyes and leaning his head against your sofa.

"You work too hard" you scolded him, your hand moving to play with his curls the way you knew he liked. It calmed him and even though this was a fairly romantic thing people did, you did it anyway. Your friendship was weird like that, you could go from acting like best friends to acting like a couple (without the sex, much to your dismay). His eyes closed and his head tilted upwards as you did, a small smile resting on his lips, before they blinked open a few times.

"I enjoy my work" he said, humming at the feel of your gentle fingers in his hair. You could tell he was getting sleepy as his features softened and he no longer joked with you, the beer now long forgotten in his hand. You took the beer from his hand, placing it on the table, stopping your movements in his hair. Moving a pillow into your lap and saying his name, making his eyes open.

"I know you do, but you need to rest more, now lie down." you said firmly, gesturing for him to place his head on the pillow, to which he followed your instructions. Your hand resumed its movement in his hair, pushing the curls out of his face, running through the strands and occasionally stopping to massage his head.

"Maybe you need an older man, one who knows to treat you right” Henry said suggestively, wow he really is tired you thought.

“Treat me right? Are you talking about in or outside the bedroom?” you laughed.

“Both” he snickered.

"Going to set me up with one of your hot friends?" you said, trying to see if he was indeed talking about himself.

"I was talking about me." he said. Ah. So he was.

"Jheez you must be so exhausted" you said, trying your best to change the subject.

"I'm being serious" he said, his eyes still shut, groaning slightly as you weren't paying attention and accidentally tugged his hair.

"I'm too fucked up for you Henry. Besides you could have anyone you wanted" you said, hoping to some higher power that the topic please be changed.

"You're not fucked up, just a little messy, a little mess never hurt anyone" he said.

"You could have anyone you wanted" you repeated.

"Don't want anyone else" he said, suddenly sitting up from your lap and turning to face you.

"That beer must have gone straight to your head Henry. You don't know what you're saying"

"Don't be like that. I'm an adult, I can handle one fucking beer" he said, his tone turning you on a little. The song switched to Sail by AWOLNATION and the bass was loud, adding to the tension between you.

"Cmon Yn don't tell me you haven't thought about this" he said gesturing between you.

"I haven't" you lied.

"That's a lie. I see the way you look at me when you think I'm not looking" he said.

"Don't get me started" you warned.

"What's that supposed to mean?

"Oh c'mon Henry! You're always so protective when I tell you about guys I'm seeing, and you can't say that's just you being my best friend!" you shouted standing up from the sofa, walking to the other side of the room, turning down the music just a little.

"Yeah well, I know you have dirty dreams about me!" he shouted back making you gasp "I heard you one night when you stayed at mine, you moaned my name in your sleep"

"Yeah well, I always see you looking down my top at my tits" you said, making him look down at your boobs.

"Henry!" you shouted, your arms crossing over your chest protectively for about a second before you dropped them, not really caring if he looked.

"What! They're nice tits" he said make, a smirk on his face that you wished wasn’t there

"Well you have a nice face" you shouted back, you had no idea why the both of you were shouting at each other.

"So do you!" he shouted back.

"Yeah. Well you have rock hard abs like a fucking god? Like seriously what the hell dude?" you asked.

"Well you're fucking beautiful" he quipped back.

"Well, you have perfectly rideable thighs and sometimes when we cuddle I feel you against my arse… and c’mon how are you so big?" you said, glancing down to his thighs, flicking to his jean clad bulge, your mouth literally falling open as you did, making him chuckle at you. He hardened in his jeans as he heard you calling him big.

"It's nice arse. You have a nice arse" he said. It seemed like this was becoming a competition of who could complement the other more, you still had no idea why you were both shouting, probably to relieve the tension that was pent up inside the both of you.

"So do you! And you have really nice eyes, with the little bit of brown in the left one” you said, making him realise how much attention you paid to him.

“Not many people realise that about my eyes” he said, his mouth agape as he paused his shouting, the both of you trying to catch your breath.

“That’s because I like you.” you said, not shouting anymore.

“I like you more.” he said, still making it a competition.

"Well maybe we should just be together then if we like each other so much" you said.

"Maybe we should!" he shouted, the both of you realising that you had been moving closer to one another with every passing comment you had made, the both of you now standing chest to chest, the both of them raising and falling against each other. His eyes flicked down to your lips, to your eyes, to your breasts, back up to your lips before finally resting back on your eyes, the usual blue shade completely taken up by his pupils.

"Oh fuck it" you said , jumping into his arms, your legs wrapping round his waist, he caught you perfectly as you kissed each other. He carried the both of you back to your sofa, his lips moving perfectly against yours, as he placed the both of you on the sofa, you resting in his lap, your centres being instantly pushed together.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long.” he said, breaking the kiss to tell you.

“Shut up and kiss me then” you said, his lips smudging against yours, the both of you moaning into the other, tongues finally fighting against each other, the feeling foreign but perfectly euphoric.

You shifted yourself against him, feeling him large and hard against your core. He pushed your open shirt over your shoulders, it fell to your forearms, you pulled your arms out of the sleeves, flicking the shirt in a different direction. Henry’s lips paused against yours to kiss at the exposed skin at your neck, moving down to your chest. You pushed your chest against his lips as he sucked at your bosom making you gasp and rut yourself against his bulge.

“I need you” you sighed out, his head snapping backwards to look at you, his hand coming to gently grasp your face, his thumb caressing the apple of your cheek which was now flushed and warm.

“I’ve wanted this for so long” he smiled at you, he lifted the both of you up, placing sweet kisses against your lips as he carried you to your bedroom, placing you softly against your bed, your head falling softly into your pillows. He paused above you, slipping his shirt over his head, before looking over you, his features soft as he did, a sweet smile on his face as his cheeks flushed.

“You’re beautiful” he said, making you smile up at him. You reached out for him, gesturing to him, he simply shook his head, needing a moment more to take you in.

“Please Henry. Come here” you said cutely, he finally obeyed your wish, resting over you, his core flush against yours as he rested his arm by your head, his fingers drifting over your face, before he placed tender kisses against your lips. His tongue sensually making its way back into your mouth, pleasure erupting between you as he pushed his hips against you, causing you to gasp, your lips opening against his. His grunt was resounding and stirred something deep inside you that wanted to hear the noise over and over until it was the only one you knew.

“Henry” you sighed as his fingers grasped the button of your jeans, popping them open easily, his fingers slipping down until they were pressed against your core over your underwear, a moan slipping from your lips, into his mouth as his tongue fondled yours. Your hands finally reached out, resting over his muscular shoulders, the muscles contracting against your soft touch. You moved them gently down his chest, moving your lips there too, pressing an open mouth kiss against his hairy chest as his fingers continued to move against your core. Your back arched and your eyes fluttered shut. You continued the movement of your hands southward, pausing over his abs to get a feel before landing on the button of his jeans, popping them open easily and beginning to push the material down past his thighs, over his plump bottom before he got up to remove them fully, giving you the chance to do the same to yours.

You were left in your black lacy one piece, you popped the buttons at your core, revealing your wetness to him making him groan loudly as he moved back over you. You took in his black boxers, seeing a clear and large bulge straining against the material. Your eyes flicked up to his and he took you in again, smiling to himself that this was finally happening.

“Kiss me” you said simply, his lips pressing against yours again. Your hands found the hem of his boxers, pushing them down, your hand finding his large shaft, grasping it lightly, your feather-like touch had him panting into your mouth, his eyes bursting open and his lips pulling away from yours as he snapped his head down, seeing your small hand wrapped around him. He had never seen something more simple yet the sight was nothing but erotic in his mind and he had to refrain from fucking himself into your hand. You began to move your hand up and down his shaft, spreading the precum that had formed at his tip to fully cover all of him. He rested his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut again as he moaned deeply.

“Baby I’m not going to last, need to be inside you” he said, speaking the truth. The pet name had your mind spinning and your stomach and core fluttering.

“Yes please” you begged sweetly making him chuckle.

“You sure you want this?” he said, grasping himself and placing himself against your core, tapping his tip against your clit making you sigh lewdly, precum spilling from his tip onto your clit at the sound.

“I’m sure” you confirmed, making him push into you gently, the both of you gasping, foreheads resting against each other, eyes looking into the others, making the whole ordeal more intimate.

His head arched upwards as he bottomed out, a loud groan falling from his lips.

“You okay?” he asked, his fingers caressing your cheek, moving to your bottom lip.

“Give me a second” you said, the stretch was nothing you had experienced before and you needed a second to compose yourself. His lips found yours and moved against yours slowly, drawing a moan out as his fingers found your clit.

“You can move”

“You sure?” he said, making you nod. He pulled back slowly and you moaned loudly, feeling every ridge and vein against your walls. He pulled out until just the tip was inside you, slowly pushing back in, making the both of you moan out loudly.

“Fuck” he said, repeating the action a few times, his thrusts were deep, sensual and slow, you could feel every part of him and it had you seeing stars already.

“Henry” you moaned, you had never felt anything like this, you were no virgin but no man had ever made you feel this good before. He pushed back in, his hips hitting against yours as he sped up his thrusts slightly, his member reached untouched places inside you and found your g-spot straight away, your back arched, hands flying out to grasp his shoulders for support.

“Henry” you repeated, his eyes opening to look in yours, worry written across his face “faster” you said, making him chuckle.

“We’ve got all the time in the world for that my love. Need to feel all of you. This way” he said, his words reinforced with a particularly slow and deep thrust making you gasp out.

He felt like he was being winded but it was perfect, every thrust was deeper causing pleasure to shoot inside of him, making deep and loud grunts fall from his lips which were moving against yours.

“Y/n” he moaned, as he made a particular hard thrust of his hips, his member pushing inside you harshly making the both of you swear at the feeling.

“Oh fuck” you moaned, his fingers moving against your pearl with every thrust he made. You began pushing your own hips up, meeting him halfway, creating a new feeling of pleasure.  

“Look at you, absolutely glowing. Taking me in so perfectly” he said, looking down to where you were intertwined, officially moving as one being.

“You’re so deep Henry” you said, your lips fluttering over his neck, sucking against a vein which had appeared there.

“No one’s ever been this deep before have they?” he said, his hips still delivering slow and deep thrusts inside you, elongating the pleasure you both felt.

“Only you” you said and Henry knew you couldn’t have said anything more perfect and complementary.

“Oh I love you” he said, surprising you with his words, you looked at him, the both of you smiling and moaning against each other. Tears formed in your eyes, your hands grasping his face gently, kissing his lips.

“I love you too Henry. So much” you said, making his hips move faster against you, his dick still reaching deep inside you, pushing deliciously against your g-spot, pulling high pitched moans from your chest, your back arching and your hips rising off the bed.

Henry’s hands landed on your lace clad waist, leaning backwards on the bed, carrying you with him so you were on top, causing his member to fall some from your core.

Your hand steadied him against your core as you lowered yourself against him until the hilt, the hair at the base of him tickling against you as your legs draped over his thighs. You began raising yourself up before dropping yourself down, his cock somehow reaching deeper inside you, his hand supporting your movements but grasping your waist, helping raise and lower you against him. He leant back against the bed, his mouth agape as looked over you.

“Fuck Henry. Can you feel you, here” you said, grasping his hand and pushing his hand against your stomach making him moan.

“I. Love. You. So. Fucking. Much” he said, delivering particularly hard thrusts upwards into you in between every word.

“Fuck. So close” you said, lips bruising themselves against his again.

“Never felt this way before” he said, his words making you moan again. They had you seeing nothing but white as your walls fluttered against him, a near pornographic noise falling from your lips as you reached your high.

“There’s my good girl, that's it” he said, encouraging you as you came around him.

“Cum for me Henry. I need it, need to feel it inside me” you said, making his hips stutter as he came suddenly at your words, his eyes flickering in their sockets as he came. His load shooting upwards into you, coating your walls with him. Yours and his juices slipping out of you and onto his cock.

“Oh fuck” he grunted, his chest heaving as he breathed heavily, yours doing the same as you collapsed against him as he fell back, his back hitting your bed, his hands grasping your comforter. You felt him softening inside you, your walls still pulsing around him as you rested your head against his sweaty chest.

“That was fucking amazing” he swore.

“You’re the best” you said, making him growl and flip the both of you, his length falling from your warm and wet cunt, he was coated in a mixture of the both of you making you smile.

“Why didn’t we do that sooner?” he said, now lying on top of you, his arms supporting his weight.

“Because we’re idiots” you said, both of you laughing breathlessly.

“Be my girlfriend please?” he said, pushing hair out of your eyes as you smiled up at him.

“It would be my pleasure” you said, kissing him slowly, he let out a deep exhale from his nostrils.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to tell everyone that you’re my girl. Will you let me tell everyone you’re my girl?” he said making your heart burst with joy.

“You better, everyone’s got to know you’re my man” you said, laughing up at him.

“I’m your man” he said, repeating the words more to himself than to you.

“You’re my man” you confirmed, making the both of you smile, you giggling as his lips began to attack your neck again.

[speechlessxx]

Newfound Family (Chris Evans x Reader)

REQUEST: Could you write a chris evans x reader where the reader has a really bad relationship with her family and never talks to them so she doesnt understand the closeness between chris and his mom and shes just kinda weirded out (angst and then fluff) from @rororo06​

Hope you enjoy <3

Warning: bad family relationship, language (but not really lol), bad writing

Word Count: 1.9k (I got carried away with this)

Feedback is appreciated!

Chris didn’t have to be a genius to know that you were nervous. From the way your thumbs fiddled against one another to the way your leg anxiously bounced as you sat in the passenger seat. It was obvious. 

“You alright?” He asked, glancing over to you as he drove. You let out a hum in response. He chuckled, reaching over and taking your closest hand in his, raising it to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss on the back of your hand, a small smile on his face. “It’s okay, (Y/N). It’s just my family.”

“Just your family?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. “Chris, I think your grip on reality is a little loose.”

“Don’t be scared to meet them,” Chris shook his head, the grin on his face got wider. “They’ll love you.”

“And if they don’t?” 

“Guess you’re walking home, then.” You scoffed at his response, pulling your hand from his. “I’m kidding!”

“I’m not.”

“They’ll love you,” he reassured as he took your hand back. 

You frowned, losing yourself in your own head. You thought back to your family. You’ve been estranged for so long. You don’t even remember the last time you spoke to your parents. The last interaction you had with a blood relative was a small “happy birthday” comment on your sibling’s Instagram post a year ago. They didn’t even bother to respond.

Your upbringing wasn’t like how it was in the movies. Your parents weren’t the kindest people. You were pushed to be the best, so that they could flaunt your successes as their own. However, that didn’t save you from the mishaps. 

If you were one point off from a perfect score, you were sent to your room without dinner. If you defended yourself, you were whooped and called disrespectful. If you spoke in a way that they didn’t appreciate, you were locked outside the house. 

You spent years trying to make yourself their perfect child, but they always found a flaw. 

They wanted you to become a doctor. They talked highly of you when you received your acceptance letter to Stanford University. They were willing to pay the expensive tuition just so they can brag about you to their snobby friends. 

However, you got accepted to your dream school for your passion. It was what you wanted to do. You were even gifted scholarship though it didn’t cover all the expenses. 

Ultimately, you decided to do something for yourself for once - to make yourself happy. But that meant your parents cut you off completely. 

You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t even hear Chris say, “after this, I should meet your family.” You nearly choked. 

“Um, I’ll have to see when my parents are free,” you muttered as you watched him pull into the family home. 

“Just let me know. I’ll clear my schedule,” Chris smiled as he withdrew the key from the door. He quickly jogged over to your side of the car to open your door. You quietly thanked him as you both walked towards the front door. 

Without even pressing the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal his mother. She had a big smile on her face as she engulfed her son in a hug. 

“It’s been too long!” She said letting him go. His mom put her hands on his cheeks, giving them a squeeze. “Sweetheart, I forget that you’re so handsome!” 

“Mom!” Chris blushed as he playfully swatted her hands away. When he finally got her to get off of him, a hand found its way around your waist. He pulled you towards his mom with a smile. “Ma, this is (Y/N), my girlfriend.” 

“Hello, (Y/N)!” His mom beamed, immediately wrapping her arms around you, pulling you into a hug much like the one she just gave her son. 

You let out an awkward laugh as you patted her back. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re even more gorgeous in person!” She complimented. You blushed, muttering a thank you. “Come inside! C’mon, don’t be shy.” 

You let out a shaky breath as she slung her arm over your shoulder, bringing you into the house with Chris at tow. You felt your body tense up at the touch and it didn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend who walked behind you.  She showed you both into the living room where children played while women, Chris’s sisters you assumed, were talking on the sofas. 

“You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Evans,” you forced a smile though the compliment was genuine. 

“Mrs. Evans... please, call me Lisa.” Mrs. Evans - Lisa shook her head as she finally let you go. “Shanna, Carly, this is (Y/N), Chris’s girlfriend.” The two sisters smiled and greeted you as Lisa exited to the kitchen.

Chris’s hands snaked around your waist again. He leaned into your ear and whispered, “hey, you okay?” You nodded. He didn’t believe you but didn’t want to push you past your comfort zone. So instead, he switched the topic. “Scott, here?” 

Shanna was the one who answered. “You know him, he likes to make an entrance.” Carly and Chris laughed. Chris released you and led the both of you to sit on the sofas. The three siblings immediately began to converse.

Laughter filled the living room as jokes were thrown around. The children were very sweet, running up to Chris and you asking to be held by your boyfriend. 

After around 20 minutes or so, the front door swung open to reveal another man. “The favorite has arrived!” He shouted with his arms open as the children screamed in delight, running over to their other uncle. 

“More like the least favorite one has arrived late,” Chris jokingly said, pouting as the little one in his lap jumped off to join his cousins and uncle.

“Heard that!” Scott called out.

“You were supposed to!” Chris quipped in response. The Evans siblings all began to laugh at the exchange.

Chris’s family was so close with one another. Their interactions were foreign to you. 

A room full of laughter would’ve been a room full of tension if it were your family. The sarcastic but playful jabs at each other would’ve resulted in consequences that normally came with a belt. A normal (L/N) get together would’ve been a competition as to who had the best life - who was the most successful child. The hugging, the compliments, even the smiles that the Evans threw your way made you uneasy. 

“Excuse me,” you muttered to Chris, squeezing his bicep before finding your way into an empty hallway. You took deep breathes as you tried to calm yourself, leaning against the wall.

In a way, you were hurt. This is what a family was really like. It wasn’t the need to be the best. It wasn’t being in a constant state of fear. It wasn’t suffocating in the tension at the dining table. It was happy. 

“Hey, you okay?” You heard Chris ask as he walked up to you. You looked up at him with watery eyes, shaking your head. He engulfed you in a big hug, rubbing your back in an attempt to comfort you. “What’s wrong?” 

“It’s stupid,” you rolled your eyes at yourself as you put your head on his shoulder.

“If it’s bothering you, then it’s not stupid. Was it my mom? When she hugged you? I’m sorry... She’s just a very friendly person.” He rambled but you shook your head, pulling away from him. “Then what is it?”

“Your family is perfect,” you sighed. 

“We’re nowhere near perfect,” Chris scoffed. “But we’re happy.”

“Exactly,” you said. “You guys are happy. You all live near each other because you want to live near each other. You all crack jokes and laugh... and you hug each other?” You chuckled at yourself, realizing how stupid you sounded. 

“That’s just a family, babe.”

“My family isn’t like that,” you admitted. “Everyone’s vicious. They’ll find something you aren’t good at even if you make sure you’re the best at everything. They’ll pick at your insecurities just because they can. I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mom laugh or had my siblings in the same room before an argument erupted.” You gestured towards the living room as loud laughter followed after a joke Scott made. “My family doesn’t do that.” 

You told him about your childhood. You explained your punishments when you did something your parents deemed was “wrong”. You told him about when you finally stood up for yourself, you were cut off completely. You struggled to pay your student debt, but you managed it because you wanted to prove your parents wrong. 

You unloaded your familial baggage on your boyfriend and he listened. He always listened and gave you his undivided attention, a trait the members of your family didn’t have.

Chris exhaled through his nostrils, his brows furrowed, as he realized the reason why you didn’t talk about your siblings as much as he did. He recalled all the moments were you dodged questions about your parents. He even remembered a time when a friend of his complimented you about your success in your career and you were started by it. 

“Then screw them.” Chris responded after your rant. You frowned at him. “If they don’t want to be in your life, then screw them. You’re right. That’s not a family... But baby,” he smiled, pulling you into him, “what’s mine is yours. My family most definitely can be yours, too. I love you.” 

You gave him a soft smile, standing on your tip toes to peck him on the lips. “I love you, too.” 

“Now, c’mon, and spend some time with our family.” You smiled at his words, taking his hand as he lead you back into the living room. 

You quickly adjusted as you pushed your tainted family memories to the back of your head, allowing yourself to make new ones with Chris’s family. You got along well with his siblings and soon joined in on the Chris teasing. You even played with his nephews and nieces, who were convinced you were a Disney princess. 

His mother showed you Chris’s baby photos and the two of you gushed over how adorable he was. “What happened?” you joked with your boyfriend. He only responded by sticking his tongue out at you like a child. Even his dad was fond of you by the end of the visit. 

-=+=-

You smiled at the memories you made as you finished up getting ready for bed. Chris was sitting at the foot of your shared bed and you walked over to him, taking a seat. You gave your boyfriend a kiss and a tight hug. “Thank you for today,” you smiled. 

“I told you they’d love you,” Chris laughed with his arms around you tightly. “Not as much as I love you, though.” 

“Dork,” you laughed, lightly smacking his chest before you got into bed. 

“I’m gonna go put water in Dodger’s bowl. You need anything?” Chris asked. You shook your head as you fluffed your pillow. 

Chris closed the bedroom door, running over to his coat that he hung over his desk chair. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the black velvet box was still tucked in the pocket. 

“She’s the one?” His mom asked him as you were saying your goodbyes to his nieces, who were sad that the ‘Disney princess’ was leaving. 

A big, goofy smile found its way onto Chris’s face as he nodded. “Oh, yeah, most definitely.”

“Where’s the ring?” His dad asked. Chris fumbled in pocket for the box before showing it to his parents discreetly. “Excellent choice.”

“I know it might seem early,” Chris began. “We’ve been together for a year and a couple months now, but ... I just know.” 

“Then go for it,” his mom encouraged. “She’ll be a great addition to the family.” 

Chris beamed as he slid the box back into his pocket. “I know.”