#i genuinely dont know what im going to do when i dont have both of them to keep me sane
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introducing … tomboy! & fratboy! chris
tomboy! reader 🕸️
19. confident. “not in pink”. spiderman + any superhero. no set face claim. education major. small hidden tattoos all over her. hella piercings: both lobes (upper ones too), right industrial, left cartilage, both helix's, belly button, and her nostril. beanies. silver jewelry. dog person!! scared she isn't feminine enough. used to play flute. hidden hour glass figure. bruno mars + tyler the creator + sza + luke combs. “let’s just assume everyone in here doesn’t like me” - flynn rider
fratboy! chris 🕸️
21. dealer. "dont look at me like that". commitment issues. video games. lowkey fw readers music, but will never admit it. backwards hats. king of rolling joints, can do it with his eyes closed. pepsi. kendrick lamar + travis scott + king von. extremely gushy and soft if he gets too high. hates labels. lowkey, highkey, wants a lip piercing. used to play hockey in high school. 2 numbers; a personal one, and one for 'business' purposes. "i got a bitch that text me she dont got no clothes on" - big sean.
how they met ....
it was three weeks after the start of the school year, the air still filled with excitement, however, not for the 21 year old. he was actually pissed off, his frat house had hosted their second party of the year. he had fucked a random girl there and now she had somehow gotten ahold of his personal number, refusing to leave him alone
his mind wandered as he blasted 'Crazy Story' by king von on his airpods, allowing him to forget about the endless messages he had. for now at least
unfortunately, in his music dazed state, chris had actually forgotten to pay attention to his surroundings, ultimately crashing into something, someone.
SLAP!
a stack of papers hits the ground, accompanied by a couple boxes of crayons. 'wonderful' he thinks, 'this day cannot get any better'
"great" he hears, followed by a deep sigh. "sorry man, wasnt looking where i was going" she laughs out, trying to break any tension that may form between the two
chris was planning on ignoring her, not wanting to converse with this rando, when suddenly she looks up at him. "hey asshat, i may have bumped into you, but i apologized, least you can do is pick my crap up"
he smirks, squatting down
he grabs the stack of papers and boxes of crayons, "hello kitty and spiderman coloring sheets, what are you, 5?" he remarks, handing her her things. "nope, but my kids are" she replies, smiling at him, and not just one of those random smiles, a smile you give someone you've known for years, a genuine smile
taking the lollipop out of her mouth with a loud pop, she extends her hand out, "y/n, education major. econ, huh? took that last summer, it actually sucks" she introduces, noticing the book he was carrying. chris flicked her hand away, he didnt do this. he didnt talk to girls, he either, A. fucked them or B. sold weed to them, then left
simple
did she not know who he was? or his reputation? something about her intrigued him, the way she so confidently held him accountable. how she didnt suck up to him, desperate for some dick
as she walked off, adjusting her beanie, he smirked, continuing his way to class, wondering if they'd cross paths again
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a/n: HIIII please be nice 🙏🏼 i literally do not know how to write, but i really wanted to try sum 😜
pls suggest ideas for this pair cs i have no clue what im doing 🙏🏼
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo blurb#chris sturniolo x reader#tomboy#sturniolo fic
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Lil warm up doodle because I'd been playing some Thropes and then watched some dubbed DunMeshi and am a Damien Haas enjoyer so. Enjoy a Shez.
#fe warriors three hopes#shez#i usually watch subbed anime but my brain recently hasn't been able to process subtitles + not english#like my brain cannot filter the difference and then i simply get stressed out because i dont know what was said via reading#and its been... bad tbh#so i swapped over to the english audio but still with subtitles and its been fine !#i also really enjoy how damien sounds so excited cause when i would watch him stream#and he would go on a story telling adventure it was so enthusiastic and genuine#and i like how he has that same vibe in the show#that said i have never drawn fanart for dunmeshi and dont wanna start now while i have other art obligations#i can dabble with learning how to draw different characters after i do comms if i feel up to it#but fe is such a default for me its really easy to draw as a doodle/warm up#also im incredibly biased to being fond of damien cause he commissioned me for emotes for twitch#which is incredibly flattering and no other va has bought art from me ? so thank you mr haas for the honors#i also am a shez enjoyer and love the vibes of both shez looks
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Day 355 | id in alt
I was out here just "Wow I should color this so they know I'm gonna put air Jordans on Kugisaki Nobara fortnite tomorrow" then I didn't and just slapped some random shit on. She looks nice though.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#tsukumo yuki#god I MISS HERRRR#Kugisaki looks good in most things because shes just fashion like that y'know#she could nuke tokyo and i would agree because shes one of the few jjk characters that actually know how to serve#no im definitely not referencing akira (i am)#i genuinely think Kugisaki and Tsukumo would've been a wonderful duo#its not just because Gojo cant teach for shit its also because hes clearly fucking picky with his students#Gojo has favorites and its fucking obvious and i hate him#there's people he deems as strong and others he deems as...normal i guess??? idk#shes crazy but she dosent have the inherited strong bullshit that gojo leans so much on. which makes her lesser to him in a way#i am going to bash that mans head in with a rock#but anyway yuki would be so fucking good for Kugisaki because well their ideals clash but also mix so well#two people with boundless rage and yuki actually having the time and the love to accompany that rage to see somebody through to the end y'no#imagine putting two people so violently both okay and not okay with dying together and maximizing their joint slay#ALSO LIKE THE SYMBOLISM They both create something that cannot simply be undone so easily#a permanent wound a permanent mass. something that is both fleeting but can change everything in an instant#grge clearly dont think so but since when have we given a flying fuck what that bitch thinks abt women at this point LMAO#Motherfucking one eyed white freak needs to stick to yaoi#never trust a mf who wiped shit on they pee hole for shits n giggles to write#BUTCH? FUTCH? FEMME? KUGISAKI CAN DO ALL OF IT#but im mostly leaning with the butchification of Kugisaki post everything
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#lol i love seeing just straight up bullying on tiktok(/s)#someone(im guessing) went into a discord server for proshipping#and then posted their face reveals on tiktok!?!??!?!#basically saying: look how ugly and weird they look#like what the fuck#just bcs you dont agree with someones opinion ON SHIPPING#doesnt mean you should blast them on socmed?#they posted those pics in a trusted space :(#why are people so cruel and vindictive nowadays#people who make it their whole personalities to shit on pros OR antis are so embarrassing#just keep to yourself and keep your personal moral highground you know?#like they go low we go higher etc#cause on tiktok people will post very bait proshipper tiktoks#to the point where i honestly think they're 100% antis who just wanna sow discourse and disgust#like when i see those people im like just ignore them???#just dont engage man. you end up encouraging people to do worse and worse just to cause drama#but yeah antis in return will make all their posts 'correcting' these obv bait posts#like both of you get a life and just do things that make you happy. not things that obv upset you#idk it kinda sickens me how much time people devote to activities that clearly doesn't make them happy#even if youre pleased about dunking on people you morally disagree w +#wouldnt you feel happier engaging with content that yknow. fills you with genuine enjoyment?#not enjoyment fueled by disgust or morally superiority#idk some people feel like children so i shouldnt care too deeply. but the amnt of toxic behavior is so disturbing to me#the posting of faces got on my nerves badly. no matter if you disagree with someone#you shouldnt just straight up expose their face on your big acct BECAUSE OF DIFFERENCES IN SHIPPING OPINION#and the fact that the point is to imply they're all ugly. so fucking childish and disgusting#i reported but idk if that'd do anything. i wish i could have an honest dialog w people like that tbh#catie.rambling.txt
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gale voice here feel the pulse of the magic in my heart that will eventually be the end of me. im on my knees before you like an animal showing its belly. im in excrutiating pain bc of the contact with the magic in my heart but please dont take your hand away please dont stop touching me
#gale of waterdeep#paydja plays baldur's gate#the relationship a lot of the companions have with their bodies is fucking fascinating#but gale and karlach's relation to their heart and to human contact is particularly compelling#i cant say who has it worse bc thats a stupid comparison to make when they both have hearts that could literally detonate at any moment#[ik that karlach cant do human contact at all and gale cant but im talking abt emotionally significant contact which is smth they share]#but rn im focusing on gale ill talk abt karlach later#hes so interesting like hes initially played as arrogant but i think that whole thing with mystra#really fucked him up bc he talks abt himself like hes. not a means to an end per se but u get the gist#you can see the way he talks abt sense and sensuality and emotional connection but as soon as you actually offer it via flirting or just#genuine compliments hes always surprised and always changes the subject#partially out of like. emotiona damage and partially bc he doesnt want to go boom#ANYWAY WHAT IM SAYING IS hes in pain bc of the contact being made with the magic that makes up his heart but#by god please dont take your hand away. please dont stop touching him. please#i hate this fucking game i hate it so much#chattering#sorry for the analysis it WILL happen again#im talking abt gale rn bc hes my favourite and currently the character i know the most about via gameplay#but there is PLENTY i can say abt everyone#god i keep saying this but its like why are you so good sometimes and also so bad. fucking Larian.
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idg bullies bc if you think someone is committing some sort of social sin... why aren't u stepping in to help them, why are you watching them fuck up? clearly its important enough to you that you try to socially punish the fellow, if this is a social cause you are so very impassioned about, why not help that person not fuck up?
or... did you just want to laugh at someone fucking up? bc at that point you're providing nothing to anyone besides just being an asshole but hey ig some people are proud of their assholes so
#to me its just an unnecessary energy#like i have shit to do i have chores to go home and get to why are you wasting both of our time being an ass#what is this doing for anyone besides fueling your narcissism#cool bud happy for you and your fleeting superiority complex as soon as i leave the room#i wonder how you make yourself feel like you're better than everyone when im not around- oh yeah its bc you go online#and spread your disease-like assholery elsewhere so then everyone becomes an asshole and no ones happy#no one can be sincere... everything hidden under a million layers of irony... stuffing every last emotion down bc emotions are cringe#or whatever...#idk. i dont like the artificiality of every social interaction these days. i feel like the only genuine ppl i meet are like. old ladies lol#everyones always got some sort of scheme or some shit... older ladies only care about talking about tea n knitting n shit#you think an old lady has any reason to be shitting on anyone? when shes probably living her best lil humble life?#theyre old they dont have the energy or time to hate anymore all they wanna see are things to love and hey i think everyone should#try to see the world that way. they know they dont got a lot of time left so they're more appreciative and nicer (usually)#you never know when you'll run out of time so why not start appreciating now?#why spread hate when you can be love. cheesy but its true
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Me sneaking into your asks with this drabble:
Disclaimer: I have yet to get a good grasp of Moze's character so this might be a bit OOC and on your side as well (sorry). I did my best. Also, this was inspired by the post you made abt telling Moze your tasks for the day | 600+ words (not proofread)
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In Moze's eyes, you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies.
You were quite literally everywhere. He'd find you talking to someone one moment before you're rushing off to do something else entirely the next. It seemed like you had quite a lot on your plate as of recently. Tasks, things you wanted to do, and so much more spinning around that mind of yours. You've told him a bit of your plans so he has a general idea. But seeing you juggling all of those tasks at once makes both admiration and concern bloom in his chest.
One time, Moze found you carrying a box filled with items. It would've been amusing to him how comical it was that the items piled so high— he could barely see you behind it. However, he did worry right after given how you almost tripped over something. He managed to catch you and the items before both came crashing all over the floor.
He insisted on helping you carry the items to wherever its destination was. It took a bit of pursuasion on his side. Convincing you that it truly wasn't a bother to him at all, and that he'd be very much glad to be of assistance to you.
"I need to get these delivered first. Then go stop by the shop to buy some things. After that…" You go on to ramble about the things you had to do to help get a better vision on what else you had to do. "Oh, no… I messed up." The smile on your face dropping at the thought that had slipped your mind until that moment. "I forgot to invite Jiaoqiu to dinner with the others—"
"It's tomorrow evening, right? He knows. I mentioned it last time when I spoke to him." Moze says with a calm tone.
You blink at him, slightly caught off-guard by the man beside you. Though it's immediately replaced with relief and gratitude. The smile on your face already back, lighting up your features once more. Infectious as always, it makes the corners of his lips tug upwards as well. A small part of him feels quite proud to have been able to help you ease your worries even by a bit.
And this is when you start noticing it.
Did you mention that you're running out of a certain skincare product, but you can't find the time to stop by the store to buy it? Moze conveniently has to stop by near the store and buys it for you. Did you also mention that you wanted to do a certain task but keep forgetting about it? He gently reminds you about it via message or verbal if he's nearby. Did you also happen to mention that you've been meaning to try out a certain desert from a cafe, but the schedule simply doesn't seem to allow you? No fear, he passes by the store to buy you the treat.
Moze doesn't see you as someone incapable of handling things by yourself. To him, he simply sees it as a way to show his care. If making a quick stop somewhere, sending you a small reminder of something you had to do that day, or even helping you out with the tasks you need to accomplish, makes you smile? Gives you a chance to take a break? Let you worry less about the things you need to do? It's worth it in his eyes.
He does his best to avoid making you feel like you're bothering or troubling him (you really aren't). Most of the time, he does them discrcetly and casually. Partially, since he's also scared that you'll think he's weird or a creep for acting like that.
Please don't think of him badly.
Moze truly means well.
#🐦⬛🐕 .#彡 cy!#彡 inbox.#彡 cherishing.#excuse me cy 🥹🥹🥹 you wrote a drabble based off a vague little post i made about moze 🥺🥺 HOW WILL I EVER THANK YOU 🥺🥺 that is so sweet ?! ?!#600+ words ?!?! CY !!!!!! THANK YOU ?!?????!!!!!! IM IN SHOCK /pos IM STARING AT MY SCREEN LIKE 🥹🥹🥹🥹 YOURE SO KIND YOURE SO SO SO KIND !!!!#‘you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies’ HANSNDJDN i want to be his dog 🙂↕️🙂↕️ and !! i have to say — the energy rush a#him is so real T T HE IS JUST SO FUN HES SO SWEET HES so awesome he’s so lovable — zoomies is inevitable with mr shadow guard of the yaoqin#im smiling so hard at the ‘you were quite literally everywhere’ AAAAAEEEE there is much to explore !!! THIS IS SO CUTE THOUGH IM SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#THE CARRYING THE BOX SCENE ?!???!???? this reminds me of one of previous jobs i had ajanskdkxk YOU DONT REALLY NEED TO SEE . YOU CAN PEER#AROUND THE BOX — BUT MOZE SEEING ME IN SUCH A STATE IS SO EMBARRASSING/pos omg he caught me x0x IM BRIGHT RED AT THIS THOUGHT SHSNJDCJ also#cy !!! i will say that i love your writing and you put down your thoughts ….. this is such a cute read and my heart is so soft reading this#truly truly thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write something as sweet as this for me ?!?! i am so blown away and so#thankful AND SO EMOTIONAL AND SO HAPPY oh )))): thank you thank you thank you thank you cy!!!! i adore you infinitely 🥹🥹🥹🤍🤍🤍#NOOOOO HE DOESNT NEED TO HELP ME CARRY IT ALL THE WAY THERE 🥹🥹🥹 SURELY SUCH A THING IS NOT IN HIS JOB DESCRIPTION#even if it was i would feel bad !!! T T oh my god please cy this image of him insistently that he’ll help is making me so red /pos he’s so#sweet ))): OH MY GOD AND THE RAMBLING SJSNSNDKXKKS IM REALLY SO RED AND FLUSTERED READING FHIS SKNSNDNX HES LISTENING TO IT 😭😭😭 HE IS#PERCEIVING ME 😭😭😭😭 but i do think my nervous chatter would activate in his presence — oh cy that would be so awful — to talk and talk and#talk his ear off :’) OMG OMG HE ALREADY TOLD JIAOQIU 😭😭😭 SAVIOR MOZE life saver moze i am indebted !!! TWICE NOW . THE BOX AND NOW THIS#him feeling proud ?! 🥹🥹 there is much more for him to feel proud about ! for example — how resilient he is / how strong he is / how kind he#is / how … i should not continue HIM KNOWING WHAT SKINCARE PRODUCTS I USE ????????? AND CHECKING WHEN IT RUNS LOW ??? ))))))): AND THE REMI#REMINDERS * MEAN SO MUCH TO ME OH CY ))): YOU ARE TOO TOO TOO KIND IM SO HONORED TO HAVE RECEIVED SUCH A GIFT insjdjxnj ))): cy !!!!!!!!!!#THE DESSERT …. I LOVE CINNAMON OR LEMON DESSERTS …… oh he is ))): he is too kind )): YOU!! ARE TOO KIND CY !!!!!! I WILL SOB INTO MY HANDS#BECAUSE THIS IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY AND )))): !!!! omg ))):#HE IS SO SWEET . HE MEANS WELL ???? I LOVE HIM I LOVE YOU I LOVE HIM I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU BOTH !!!!! i think i would genuinely burst into#tears thinking about him doing anything for me to :’) ease up some days :’) IM JUST :’) this is so thoughtful and so :’) im so incoherent a#and these tags are so messy — im just so happy and have read this like ten times over !! and go -> 🥹🥹 each and every time#thank you cy !!! ): from the very bottom of my heart!!!! you are such a skilled writer and you have such a kind heart#i saw your post about drabbles for friends and oh — im hugging you so tight — thank you for being so sweet to everyone ): i adore you so mu
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#prefacing this w ik in fanfiction they're all just our little barbie dolls we're making kiss and it doesnt matter whatsoever but like Do you#understand how much love and respect and loyalty there is between connor and leon irl#like in connors nhlpa ama he immediately no question said that leon's the nhler who knows him best + that he's spent his entire professiona#career w him. whenever leon's asked what he thinks of connor the first sentance out his mouth is 'you [the media] know. he knows' and then#he carries on talking about how he's the best player in the world + connor never hesitates to return the sentiment#and between the two of them it's not sentiments they sau it like its fact bc it is#and their whole 'cup or bust' thing every analyst and their mother have taken it as a 'they're going to win in edmonton or not at all' in t#e sense that they want to stay in edmonton n stay together <- like not even in an insane person edmonton polycule type of way in the they'r#the best players in the world and have insane chemistry on the ice and are eachother's best friends type of way#like a reason why their pp is so lethal is bc those two on a line + the other team down yeah ofc thats going to be automatic#and leon saying that their best beats anyone else's best no doubt and connor talking about building the team from the ground up like leon w#s there when they got boo'd off the ice in 2014 he was a part of building the team that's thier damn team and in turn the sheer amount of#respect the rest of the team have for them and they have for the rest of the team and the trust that while they're the best players they#don't have to play for all of them n that's part of thier whole like. our fourth line stands up to any other first line rock solid belief#like and ofc thier on ice hugs and lockerroom hugs and that moment in the sportsnet knee injury doc and how they mention that they're best#friends whenever theyre asked and how their gf's are also best friends and also their damn dogs#NOT TO MENTION. he's my ride or die. im really lucky our paths crossed here in edmonton. as a friend it was really tough to watch that#<- leon's insane 2022 playoff run on a broken ankle#and the way leon's been dubbed the german gretzky and connor's been the next next one since he was 15 and the way they have such a solid#control of the lockerroom together and i dont know if they've ever said conflicting things to the media and how they've said that they push#eachother to be better (connor saying that leon told him to score more)#and their little taps throughout their season and bringing back their team from the dead and leon being the one to make connor laugh in#pressers and on the bench#ALL TO SAY. like i am a mc.matt.drai enjoyer in the threesome/winners room/asg/2997 are actually quite abnormal about eachother and matthew#has never been normal about anything in his life and this might be fun. kinda way#but 2997 are soulbonded in ways quite possibly none of us will ever be able to truly understand#<- also i do mean this genuinely like they're not normal people but both of them are not normal#SORRY FOR RAMBLING. i just wish there was better written fanfiction.#<- wish to be the change you see in the world innit tho#so funny to me how the eh is just canadian innit.
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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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i dont fucking want my mother to help me with moving out but i also dont have a car and i cant get all that shit on the train. but jesus fuck i dont want to see her this week or im gonna explode
#i just cant. i fucking cant. i have no idea how im gonna do it but i know i dont want her help at all if that involves meeting with her#im in a way too precarious state rn for this bullshit but also there's really no way for me to tell her 'hey. dont fucking come please dont#im at the verge of a mental breakdown and if i see you this week im gonna lose my fucking mind and cut my fucking hand off'#without her tweaking and going all tragically sad puppy and getting jealous because i have no issue with my father helping me#i dont know what to tell her#my two options are 1. tell her to Not Come. I Can Do It Myself and her doing her classic emotional fireworks#2. suck it up and accept the help and then inevitably freak out and end up SHing and probably being mean to her and making it an awful time#for both of us and probably a little side bonus of her looking at me like im crazy and/or treating me like im a spooked horse#when its all her fault im like this in the first place but ok. its whatever. i just genuinely dont know what to do
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she's so arrogant and annoying and hot it pisses me off !!!
#like have some shame omg . have some respect#shes soooo certain i will date her she keeps saying shes not worried she doesnt care etc etc bc she knows i want to date her#not even that. she Declared we were dating. like when i was like do u even want this. not just going on dates but acc dating. and she was#like wdym? im already dating you . like ok??? i wasnt informed ig#anyway i said she was arrogant and she said she knows so.#also she did several things when she was drunk that i found cringe/i personally would b embarrassed if i was her but she just found it funn#like genuinely does she have no sense of shame#also her reasoning is that shes too hot to be rejected and since im talking to her instead of... not that makes her certain that#no matter what i say i wont reject her#WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO REJECT HER. DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT OR WHAT TO DO. UGH.#I WANT TO FIGHT HER FR MEIN GOTT#also i want her to be more romantic i literally told her im not asking her out on the next date lmao#also if we do end up dating properly i have to swear and oath never to argue w her and just communicate slowly and clearly bc imagine#lawyer and philosophy student get into an argument and theyre both scorpios. insane combination imo#INSUFFERABLE. she was also 40 mins late and tbf she did warn me and keep me updated but i was still rly mad at her bc#i was waiting for so long . and i was like . listen im gonna leave. and she walked thru the door. but anyway she apologised but also she#said no ones ever threatened to leave her b4. what do you mean before?? anyway i told her to respect my time more and she was like i cant#believe im being told off by a 21 yr old like bitch ur literally 24 stop acting ancient fuck off#UGH SHES SO IRRITATING. WHY DOESNT SHE CALL ME MORE.#crushposting
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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uggh I'm gonna cry
#i lowkey miss when i had no friends 😭#i got invited to my friends birthday party and i really really didnt want to go#cause theres like 10 other people going and i vaguely know 2 of them#and theyre all kinda mean#like in the way your friends are mean where its clearly a joke#but im not friends with any of them-#qnd like in any other circumstance it would be fine#but its a POOL party#and there was no chace i was putting on a bathing suit and swimming#but i also was not ready to deal with being the weirdo who doesnt swim at a pool party#like i was really dreading this party#so i made some lame excuse#which is technically true#my brother DID break q bone today and my parents ARE being dramatic and i AM gonna have to wait on him#but thats not q good reason not to go#i was just really freaking out about this party#and its prob not a big deal and she definitely doesn't care as much as i think#but i feel so bad for being flaky#plus i already feel like a couple people there dont like me#so if my friend mentions why i didnt go theyre gonna think its a dumb excuse#i should have made something up but i had already said yes cause i couldnt think of anything#and then my parents wrre at the hospital for a really long time so i didnt know what exactly was happening#and i did genuinely think when i texted her that it was more serious and there would be no chance they could take me#qlso they both have stuff to do tomorrow (party day)#and i am actually gonna end up being the one helping him get water and stuff#but it just feels like such a lame excuse#idk#its just when im with these people (the ones going that im not friends with)#i constantly feel like i hace something to prove or theyll think im weird#and its so stressful
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oh my god u know the hrt is working when u get genuinely white girl drunk
#ive never been this drunk before this is crazy. the gender euphoria of not having any tolerance despite being able to drink 4 drinks a year#ago#like its that or someone Did something to this drink but it was from a housemate's stash. oh my god i wanted more of this im so glad im in#bed rn i could have made so many bad decisions#im like this close to posting one of the thirst(?) pics i took on my sideblog that i havent touched in a month#oh my god im fucking up so many words . gang im not pretending here i drank like 2 shots tops and its Fucking me somehow#WAIT I CAN EDIT TAGS#typos fixed :sunglasses:#genuinely crazy how much im feeling it tho ive literally Never felt it this much. id ask if ibuprofen or spiro interact w alcohol but i#think there was a decent amount of time between when i took both#yeah like i took spiro ~10:57 and then uh drank after. 11 hm ok this isnt as spaced out as i expected#i dont think im going to alcohol jail tho. im being responsible im In Bed im not gonna go do anything stupid (altho i do. want to ask#someone downstairs to do something stupid. but maybe thats the alcohol talking)#also shileas is downstairs and shes a bitch and i dont want to be cringy in front of her#i dont know if shes trans or just a really masc lesbian btw . shes cool but she also has some bad takes sometimes and i dont think she#likes me#im writng so many tags <3 but thats what love is. if anyones read this far idk like the post or something#you know the one post where the person puts an egg in their mouth. and then people share the tags. this is that#i was gonna be typing this out on a discord server but i thought no. this deserves to have everyone see it#man also if i went down and asked like if anyone wants to fuck like who would say yes . shileas is a super senior maeve is in a relationshi#p#i dont like riley and . man idk about griffin. but i think im a lesbian. maybe im just desperate.#bUT IM NOT GONNA. im not gonna.#i dont want to sleep tho i want to have fun :(( but my roommate is asleep#& its not like anyones gonna fuck me on this bed . with like my lovies (thats what i call my stuffed animals) and shit .#i genuinely didnt expect that i could get this drunk and whats crazy is i know i could be more drunk#can u imagine if someone reads this and goes 'well shes clearly sober and faking it' no </3 im simply very eloquent i was neglected as#a child so i read alot lol#whoops *a lot not alot#wasnt there a limit of like 26 tags. when do i hit that
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besties homies and oomfies in the crowd i will not lie i am severely mentally unwell (negative) right now so i might not respond to antthing so sorry about that 💔 i just need to like take a bit to myself i think. i love you all. my final message change da worl
#rammyposts#<- guy whos too uncomfortable acknowledging problems so he jokes about them instrad. ok.#i need to go back to therapy. Again. I did not have nearly enough apppointments#god bless.#at least i have isabelle and kallie. they keep m sane. i dont know what ill do without them#i needto become 100% mentally stable before one of them inevitably passes away bc im completelt serious when i say#i genuinely dont know what im going to do when i dont have both of them to keep me sane#isabelleis literally my emotional supportdog she is the only reason i can fall asleep and feel safe and not have#mental meltdowns constantly#kallie is just my beloved daughter but so much more. to me. shes been keeping me sane for years#without them i feel so empty#sorry mental illness on ur tineline
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