#i found out yesterday but i needed it to sink in lol

[blkwag]

[v-hope]

glad you’re missing TF bc me too, i wanna see them finally settling and knowing they’re ready for the next big step in their lives or even just discussing building a family after grad or when they’re at a good stage in their careers🥺🤧

pairing: jeon jeongguk x reader

genre: slight angst, flufffff, established relationship, non-idol au

warnings: pregnancy scare, mentions of condoms, mentions of unprotected sex

word count: 2.3k

a/n: um. hello after years lolll. i started going through very old requests in my ask box yesterday in case i found anything that’d bring some inspiration to my very uninspired self, and i found manyyyy tiger flower ones and this one in particular reminded me of a headcanon of mine that i never wrote nor mentioned (i think) but for some reason it was??? an actual Thing???? in my mind????? so yeah lol here i am. i don’t think anyone even cares about tiger flower (minus one person. u know who u are<3) anymore, BUT fuck it, i missed them and enjoyed writing this. i hope whoever reads it enjoys it too, bye<333

A pregnancy scare wasn’t something you were expecting only two months into moving in together after your graduation. It wasn’t something you were expecting at all.

At most, you and Jeongguk had agreed on getting a puppy as a new addition to your family of two. Said discussion happened when the two of you had only been together for a few months, a little over a year ago, where you both agreed on moving in together after you graduated college and then get a puppy right away.

Moving in together was not up for debate — you knew so the moment Jeongguk got a job in the last year of college and so did you, saving enough money to get a decent place and looking for apartments throughout the entire year, so you could secure a lease as soon as your previous ones ended. On the other hand, although you were still excited as hell to get a dog, once you were settled in your shared place, you were both too busy and overwhelmed trying to keep up with your new jobs and all the new changes in your lives to even think of adding another responsibility on top of them all, let alone one that had to do with a living creature.

If neither of you felt ready to get a puppy yet, how the hell were you supposed to raise a child?

Your heart beat so fast against your chest, you felt like you would pass out any moment, as you paced around the bathroom while you waited for the pregnancy test to tell you whether you’d bring another human being to the world in nine more months or not. Endless thoughts running through your mind as you did so, and you internally cursed at yourself for not having waited outside with Jeongguk instead — God knows you needed his arms around you to bring you comfort.

You definitely needed Jeongguk to hold you, you realised the second the alarm you set as soon as you took the test finally went off, managing to somehow turn it off with your shaky hands, and fighting not to drop your phone as you took a deep breath and closed your eyes for a moment before taking a look to the test on the sink.

Once you earned enough courage to finally open your eyes and focus them on it, you exhaled all the air you didn’t know you were holding up until then — instant relief washing through your body.

Negative.

You were given another chance not to raise a child when neither of you were ready.

And yet, a part of you couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed, empty even, now that said possibility was out of the way.

Although it was not the right time, a family with Jeongguk was something you’d always be happy about — and something you were only now realising you longed for way more than you thought you did.

Coming out of the bathroom and meeting a very distressed Jeongguk waiting right outside the door, you shook your head no right away, just like that letting him know you were on the clear this time around.

He let out a heavy, shaky sigh, rubbing his eyes with his palms as he processed the news, before he pulled you into his arms like you so badly needed him to — melting into his familiar touch and inhaling his scent as you felt yourself begin to calm down.

He said nothing, you said nothing. Your arms around one another and feeling each other’s comfort were all you needed right then.

Jeongguk didn’t let go until he felt your body stop trembling, only pulling away enough to rest his forehead on yours and cup your face in his warm hands.

“You okay?” He wondered; for a change, not being able to tell what the expression on your face meant right then.

He genuinely didn’t know whether you were relieved or not. And, therefore, he didn’t know how to react to the news. Yes, he had sighed in relief a minute ago, but that was as much as he’d let himself express until he knew how you felt about the whole situation.

You nodded, still a little bit stunned — not knowing whether you should say what was on your mind. Then again, it was Jeongguk the one in front of you, holding you. You knew you could tell him anything and he would understand, or at least try his best to do so.

“Is it wrong that I feel a little bit disappointed?” You finally mumbled, catching his attention. “I mean, I know we’re not ready, and we haven’t planned it at all and I would be so fucking terrified had it turned out positive, but, I just…”

“I get it,” he stepped up when he realised you wouldn’t talk anymore, gently reaching for your hands and holding them in his. “Of course I’m relieved we’re not having a baby right now, but… a part of me really wants to start a family with you now”.

“Now?” You playfully raised an eyebrow.

“Not now,” he panicked. “But, I mean, in the near future, but not that nea—ugh, you get it”.

You couldn’t hold back a giggle, biting your lip when he rested his head on your shoulder, embarrassedly hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

“I know,” you reassured him, running your thumb on the back of his hand. “I can’t wait to start a family with you either. It’d be cute, wouldn’t it?”

He nodded — one hundred percent on board with it, yet pensively.

Up until that day, you hadn’t really discussed your future together. It was more of a given. Unspoken, but you both knew you wanted everything with each other. From moving in together, to getting married, to having kids, to growing old together.

Maybe it was finally time for you to actually bring those thoughts up.

“What do you think is a good age for us to start trying?” Jeongguk wondered, his voice gentle as ever.

You puckered your lips as you pondered your options. “I mean, we’re only twenty three this year… Maybe in another two or three more?”

“Yeah…” he quietly agreed. “We still need to get the hang of living together on our own…”

“Getting a puppy…” you added.

“Save some money” Jeongguk considered.

“Get a bigger place”.

“Get married”.

You smiled at his addition, feeling the by now very familiar butterflies fill your stomach. Reaching your hand up to cup his cheek, you sweetly ran your thumb over the corner of his mouth.

“You wanna marry me?”

“I am marrying you, Y/N” he confidently stated, only to feel his cheeks burn the next second when he caught the way your eyes lit up. “I mean, if you’ll take me, of course…”

You giggled once again, this time throwing your head slightly back as you rejoiced at the new bit of information your boyfriend had just provided you with. “I am marrying you so hard one day, Jeon Jeongguk”.

He beamed, giggling against your mouth as he searched for it and trapped your bottom lip in between his smiling ones.

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh of your own, wrapping your arms around his neck when he held you up by your thighs and took you to the sofa only a few steps away in your living room — not letting go of you for a second as he carefully lied on his back with you on top of him.

Lying your face comfortably on his chest, and running your fingertips up and down on it, you let out a contented sigh.

“So, kids sometime after we’re twenty six?” You returned to your previous conversation, before you got carried away by your desire to spend the rest of your lives together.

He hummed in response. “We should already have achieved all our previous goals by then, so I think it’s the most reasonable”.

“After twenty six it is then” you settled, smiling brightly when he reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers. “How many would you like?”

“Two or three would be nice,” Jeongguk confessed. “I’m okay with as many as you’re willing to have, though”.

“I always thought two… a girl and a boy” you admitted, feeling him smile against your head. “But I wouldn’t mind having three of them with you” a smile curved up your lips at the simple thought.

He chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “Two girls and a boy, or two boys and a girl…”

“What if it’s three girls?” You looked up at him.

“That’d be nice” he smiled.

“And if it’s three boys?”

“That’d be nice, too”.

“Mhm…” you squinted your eyes, suspiciously staring into his. “You want at least one girl so bad, Jeon Jeongguk”.

“I didn’t say that?” He defended himself.

“I can see it in your eyes” you playfully poked his forehead.

He rolled his eyes in amusement, tightening his hold on your hand to stop you from poking him again. “Well, sue me for wanting a mini version of you”.

Your heart melted, and you were pouting before you knew it. “I want a mini bun, too”.

“Too bad, we’re only having three girls now” he teased.

“Shut up,” you whined, slumping your face back down on his chest. “You just created a new need for me”.

Jeongguk’s chest trembled as a blissful laugh escaped his lips, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you so close to him you almost found it hard to breathe. You would never complain about it, though, let alone when his lips began to pepper kiss after kiss on the crown of your head.

“I love you,” he said. “And honestly I’ll be happy with whatever sex they are as long as they’re ours and we raise them together”.

His words brought tears to your eyes and a lump in your throat, being apparently still too sensitive over the whole situation not to feel like crying when he said the most reassuring words you needed to hear.

“You’re gonna make me cry” you let him know, looking up to meet his doe eyes once more. “But I’ll be the happiest as long as that’s the case, too”.

Jeongguk smiled timidly, gently pushing your chin slightly up for your lips to come in contact with his; pressing a soft kiss on them before his arms were once again tightening their hold around your waist.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled, nuzzling your hair.

“What for?” You questioned.

Jeongguk shrugged, fingers drawing small circles on your back. “For putting you through this…”

You chuckled, burying your face in his neck. “It takes two to make a child, bunny. Which we didn’t get to make, by the way”.

“I know,” he pouted, holding you somehow tighter against his body. “But last time I was too horny to go get a condom”.

You snorted. “Nothing we haven’t done before. We just tested our luck for the hundredth time and it backfired on us for once”.

Although you weren’t looking at him right then, you knew a pout had just formed on his bottom lip. You tenderly kissed his chest, in hopes of making the sad look on his pretty face go away.

When you felt him be distraught still, you decided to switch the mood a little bit.

“Still, I did have the scare of my life, so we’re going on a sex strike for a bit”.

His mouth fell open in disbelief, pulling you up by your shoulders so he could look you in the eye. “You’re not serious”.

“I am” you stated, trying your best not to allow your lips to break into a smile. “One month at least”.

“At least?!”

“Aren’t you the one who went twenty one whole years without having sex?” You raised a teasing eyebrow. “This should be nothing to you”.

“Petal…” he whined, hiding his face in your neck. “It’s not the same now”.

“Why not?”

“Because I got a taste of it with you two years ago and I can’t control myself around you now, you know it”.

“Sucks to be you” you shrugged. “One month starting today”.

Letting out a defeated cry that could only have you finally releasing the laugh you managed to hold for so long, he rested his head back against the couch.

“Can this month end already”.

“So you’re just accepting your fate?” You were the one in disbelief now. “You won’t even try to convince me otherwise?”

“No, it’s up to you” he said, closing his eyes as he threw an arm over them. “If you don’t want me to touch you then I’ll just keep my hands to myself and suffer in silence”.

You half cooed, half laughed, not having expected such a touching answer to your playful question. Then again, it was Jeongguk the one you were dating; you should know better by now.

Removing his arm from his face, you pressed a brief kiss on his nose. “I love you, bun” you ran your fingers through his hair. “As if I’d be able to go a whole month without jumping your bones”.

“Now don’t say it like that” he laughed, throwing one of his legs over your body and making you lie on your sides now.

Properly face to face now, you cupped his cheek and gently caressed it as you rested your forehead on his. “Give me two weeks tops to shake the fear off my body?”

He nodded, lovingly bumping his nose on yours. “As long as you need me to”.

[midnightmusings06]

May I request some fluff of SDV bachelors (Harvey, Seb, Shane) with a farmer who’s sick, overworked, or just generally needs to take a break?

Hi there! This is such a cute fluff prompt I’m happy to write! What I did was I took each bachelor and matched them up with one of the prompts you gave me as follows:

Sebastian taking care of sick reader

Shane taking care of farmer that needs a break

Harvey taking care of overworked farmer

Thank you for your patience too! I’m in the middle of moving and things have been crazy lol

Sebastian:

The morning sun streamed through the bedroom window, blinding your eyes as you started to wake from a long night’s rest. You’d been so exhausted, spending all day outside on your snowy farm to prepare for spring’s arrival, and with it the planting of crops and trees. It soon became evident you’d stayed out a little too long without enough layers, as a telltale sharp pain stung your throat while drinking a glass of lukewarm water. Your nose felt stuffy, making it hard to breathe, and it felt as though your body was creaking from your every movement, aching and shaking while simultaneously sweating buckets. Groaning, you pushed yourself out of bed, trying not to wake your husband. Sebastian was still sound asleep, lightly snoring with his arm across his bare chest.

While attempting to walk to the bathroom to find some medicine, your vision started growing blurry, swaying on your feet. Gripping the bathroom sink to steady yourself, you call out your husband’s name, before sinking to the floor.

“Y/n? Y/n! Hon are you okay? Let’s get you to bed.” Sebastian’s deep voice rings in your head, as you feel his big arms scooping you up into the air, placing you gently onto your shared bed. The lightheaded feeling begins to fade away, as Sebastian kneels by your side of the bed, holding your hand gently, worry and fear riddled in his face. You finally turn to look at him, smiling gently to attempt to ease his worries.

“Hi love,” Your voice comes out barely as a croak. “I think I spent a bit too much time outside yesterday.” You attempt to joke, to which Sebastian smiled.

“That seems pretty clear, dumbass,” He teased you.

“Why don’t I go make you some tea? I’ll make your favorite.”

“With extra honey?”

“Of course love.” He reluctantly lets go of your hand to head for the kitchen, returning with a steaming cup of hibiscus tea, with extra honey at your request.

The rest of your day is spent resting, much to your reluctance, Sebastian even threatened to tie you to the bed if you don’t comply. After digging for ingredients, he found all the materials to make you pumpkin soup, to soothe your throat he says.

“Warm fluids will help your throat, and take some of this medicine as well, I know it doesn’t taste good but it’ll make you feel better.”

After refusing, claiming, “it tastes like piss”, he spoon feeds you your medicine, laughing at your scrunched face in disgust.

“Come on it’s not funny! That stuff is disgusting.”

“How can I not laugh darling, you’re just so cute when you look like that.”

When Seb’s pumpkin soup is finished cooking, he’d spoon feed you that as well, this time for his own enjoyment. After your belly is full from medicine and hot soup, Seb crawled behind up you on your bed to wrap you in his arms.

“But you’ll get sick too!”

“I don’t care, my only priority is you right now. Now, rest well my love,” He whispers, fingers tangled in your hair.

Shane:

Your hastily scribbled notes lay sprawled in front of you, scattered across your desk, some even fallen to the floor. Plans for a new layout for the farm, new buildings to be put in place, fences and paths that needed replacing, ground to be tilled and crops to be planted. It felt as though there was so much to do and not enough time nor resources to do it, and spring was approaching ever closer by the day, as the snow began to melt and patches of dirt and grass began to peek through. You sighed, placing your head in your hands, a raging headache pounding against your skull. You didn’t even hear your front door creak open when you heard the sound of boots thumping into your home. Whipping your head around, you see your boyfriend, Shane, standing by the entrance of your room, a sad expression on his face.

“Babe, you look awful. What are you still doing up at this hour?”

Glancing over to your wall clock, it read 1:00 am. You groaned, turning back to him with a grimace.

“Gee thanks Shane. I’m just going over the new farm plans for the season.”

He walks closer, examining your many papers and notes strewn around your work area.

“Y/n, when was the last time you slept? And I mean really slept.”

You can’t seem to remember.

“I don’t know. What day even is it?” You muttered, eyes trained at the ground.

He bends to your level, lifting your chin with his fingers.

“Baby you need to go to sleep. And today is Friday to answer your question.”

Your eyes widen at your realization.

“We had a date planned tonight didn’t we? Oh my god I’m so sorry Shane, I didn’t mean to forget, I thought for sure it was tomorrow.”

Tears begin to brim in the corners of your eyes, and Shane wraps you in a big hug, placing his warm jacket around you.

“I couldn’t care less about that. It isn’t like you to forget stuff since you always seem so on top of everything, so I guessed something might have happened to you. But that’s not important now, have you eaten anything yet?”

The last thing you ate was some berries from your fridge you picked a few days prior, you’d made it your midnight snack the night before.

“No.”

“Then I’ll go make something for you, in the meantime you go get some pajamas on and sit in bed, I’ll bring it to you.”

“But what about-”

He shushes you.

“It can wait. Now please go rest before I have to drag you there myself.” He smiles, leaving for the kitchen.

Harvey:

You wiped your forehead with your dirt-ridden gloves, having finally finished the exhausting task of removing all of your summer crops to prepare for the impending fall season. The muscles and joints of your body seemed to creak and groan with every movement, soreness tainting every part of you as you winced to even walk. Pulling a crumpled piece of paper from your pocket, you inspect your list of tasks. There was still so much to be done and fall would be here in two days, the thought of it filling you with anxiety. Trudging towards the silo to harvest wheat, you heard the sound of footprints making their way towards you.

“Hey there love! I prepared you a healthy meal to give you strength while you work, it has - y/n are you alright? Y/n?”

He holds your lunch, his smile dimming as your knees finally give out from exhaustion, the last thing you see is his figure hovering above you, quickly assessing your state and vitals, his voice slowly fading out as he attempts to calm himself down and focus on caring for you.

When you awake, you’re lying in one of Harvey’s clinic beds, eyes blinded by the sheer brightness of the room. Thankfully, you aren’t hooked up to any of his fancy machines, and Harvey is sat by your right side, watching you intently. When he notices you stirring, he jolts upward, glasses tilted on his face.

“Y/n! Thank goodness you’re awake, how are you feeling?”

You shimmy yourself to sit up, your muscles sore but not as fatigued as before.

“Tired mostly, and a bit sore,” you pause.

“I’m sorry Harvey.”

He frowns a bit, “Please don’t be sorry. But I do want to know how you got to this point, if you’re willing to confide in me?”

He asks tentatively.

You nod, and explained your unending list of tasks, coupled with the hours of hard work you’ve put in. Harvey listens to you intently, nodding as you go.

“And then you came to bring me some food, and I just collapsed because I was so tired. There’s still so much to be done before fall and I only have two more days to get everything else finished-”

Harvey quickly cuts you off, “Leave it to me. I’m not the most adept at farm work but I believe I can perform an adequate enough job for now.”

He smiles, gently grabbing your hand to hold it clasped in his.

“Remember my love, I am always here for you. Whether to ease your worries or complete tasks for you. Never feel as though you are a burden by asking for help.”

Smiling back at him, he helps you up from your bed, escorting you back to your farm for some well deserved rest and care.

[photo1030]

Anonymous asked:

Heyy , so i had this smut idea for a while now, but bare with me please cuz my English isn’t that good lol . Anyway it’s about arthur and f!reader who’s been teasing arthur with a lot of touches and stares all day. But they were all busy that day so nothing happened. Then at the end of the day arthur finally got to be with her alone to sort things out (if you know what i mean) and confront her.

Ik … not very fluent in English lol , but I really really LOVE your writing so i figured i should maybe request something

Hello again, my lovely Anon!

Thank you for the "ask"! This was certainly a fun one to write out. I wasn't sure if you wanted Arthur and reader to be friends with longing tendencies, or in an existing relationship. I went with the latter. Hopefully that is okay. Either way, it ends up with some steamy goodness. If you need it tweaked the other way, let me know.

LEATHER AND LACE - CLOSE, BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH

Summary: You and Arthur have been trying to get some time alone together all day, to no avail. But by the end of the day, Arthur finally gets what he wants.

Warning: 18+ please. Minors - DNI; NSFW

*This is not my image. I have found it posted on multiple pages on Pintrest but can't find the originator. If anyone knows, let me know for specific photo credit.

Masterlist

The early morning sun tries to cut its way into the woods, cutting the dewy mist with its beams of warm, golden light. The burgeoning glow sets the birds into motion, their busy little chirps filling the brisk air around the camp. 

You are dead tired this morning. It was a long, hard day of chores yesterday and when you had turned in for the night, all you wanted to do was rest your weary head on that lumpy pillow of yours atop of that squeaky cot. And with all of the hustling and work lately, Arthur was hoping to have a little “private time” with you last night, too. 

But much to his disappointment, you had already passed out the moment your head hit the pillow, already fast asleep before he could even get his boots off. So with a sigh and just a bit of frustration, Arthur lumbered onto the cot next to you for the night. 

So this morning, you are reluctant to crack open your eyes when the feeling of Arthur’s heavy arm makes its way around your waist, slowly exploring your midsection and creeping up to your breast with his fingertips. His chest is pressed up against your back as he spoons you tightly to him, his skin radiating a comforting heat that sinks down through your skin and into the very center of your body. You can already feel his half-erect cock finding its place against the bottom of your rear. 

In this precious little moment, you are faced with a “difficult” decision:  do you try to get some very much-needed sleep? Or do you give in to the temptation of your beloved outlaw? 

“G’ Mornin’, Darlin’”

His low, raspy voice, cracked with remnants of sleep, floats its way into your ear and breaks through your mind’s thoughts…and that is all it takes for you to decide. A smile slowly emerges across your face without you even opening your eyes. 

“Good morning to you too, my lover.” You playfully reach up to encircle your arm around his head, turning your face back towards his. Your greeting is met with a simple low groan of approval as Arthur’s lips seek out the cuff of your ear. 

You gently roll over onto your back, looking up into his awaiting face. His hair is rumpled from the night and his eyes are still heavy-lidded with fatigue. Yet those eyes still sparkle like the bluest sky as they meet your own. And your heart could burst at how that is the first thing you get to see in the morning.

He leans down to gently catch your lips into a kiss. It’s the first of many to come for the day, knowing you two. You push your body upwards to flatten against his, your leg bending up to entwine with his burly ones. A soft giggle emanates from your throat as you deepen the kiss and run your hand along his cheek and up behind his head to pull him down to you. Arthur is quick to roll himself to climb over you, settling himself between your spread legs. Your lips press together, repeatedly working over the other’s as his hands begin to explore along your chest, grappling at the tender flesh there.

You lift your hips just a bit in invitation as Arthur rocks back and forth ever so slightly. Your eyes roll back as your fingertips drag along the thick muscles of his back, trailing through the soft body hair that scatters across his wide frame. 

“Arthur? You in there?”

Your eyes shoot wide open, instantly snapped out of your blissful reverie at the deep-sounding voice coming from the other side of your shared tent. Arthur seems to be oblivious to the intrusion at first as his motions atop of you do not slow down in the slightest. 

“Arthur?” the voice repeats.

Finally, Arthur collects his thoughts enough to respond.

“Go away, Bill,” mumbles Arthur, pausing in his administrations only long enough to warn the burly man outside the canvas, as he has no intention of stopping right now. 

“There’s a group of us heading out. Got a tip on a stagecoach coming through.” Bill pushes insistently. “Come on, we gotta go.” 

“Not now, Bill!” barks Arthur as he keeps kissing you, his teeth nipping at the tender skin of your neck and collarbone. 

You are trying not to focus on the fact that someone is not only outside your tent at this inopportune moment, but actually having a conversation with Arthur as his erect cock is rubbing against your aching heat, mere moments away from being embedded into the warm cradle between your legs. 

“Well, Dutch is askin’ for you. So what do you want me to tell him, then?” Bill asks impatiently.

“Bill!” you suddenly snap, lifting your head to turn your burning gaze over Arthur’s broad shoulder towards the tent flap. “If you do not walk away from this tent right now, so help me God…!”

“Oh!” Bill’s eyes open wide and his face suddenly turns beet-red as the realization of what he is interrupting becomes all too clear. “Oh, sorry! I’ll..uh…come back, I guess.” He snickers as he abruptly turns to hurry-off back to the waiting group. 

An exasperated sigh pushes out of your nose as your head plunks back against the pillow. Arthur has finally stopped the amorous actions, but still lays overtop of you, motionless and reluctant to move. 

“Well, that just killed the mood,” you huff, noting how Arthur’s face has turned down into a hard frown. 

Arthur takes a deep breath to steady himself. “I know I said I can never leave the gang, but there’s moments like this that I am open to the discussion.”

“Don’t tease me, now,” you warn as a tiny grin creeps its way across your lips. Arthur just rolls his eyes and sits up, playfully pushing your legs to the side so he can sit at the edge of the cot to get himself dressed. 

Back at the hitching posts, Bill approaches the waiting group with a smirk on his face, shaking his head. 

“Where’s Arthur?” asks Dutch impatiently, his gaze looking past Bill’s shoulder when he does not see the man in question in attendance. “You were supposed to go get him.”

“He’s…uh…busy at the moment.” Bill offers this obscure excuse to the men with a quirked eyebrow.

Dutch’s ringed hands land on his hips, his impatience growing by the minute. “Busy doing what, exactly?”

“More like, busy doing who?” chuckles Bill. 

It only takes Dutch a moment to realize what Bill is talking about before his dark eyes roll to the heavens. “Oh, for Christ’s sake…”

—-----------------------------------------

Fortunately, the coach job didn’t take too long. Arthur had begrudgingly pulled himself from your warm and loving arms to drudge over to join his companions. He got a good ribbing from the men, as was expected, but all it did was aggravate his already irritable demeanor. He wanted to spend the morning buried between your legs in his tent, not between Bill and John on their smelly horses.

By the time the men get back to camp, you and the other girls are already embedded into more chores. Seems there is always something to do. In fact, the moment he gets back to camp and unpacked, Ms. Grimshaw is quick to get Arthur to the wood pile, stating that the firewood is already low again. He shoots you a quick glance, your eyes meeting briefly across the camp, before giving her an exasperated sigh as he reluctantly heads over to the ax to get started.  

As you work with your needle and thread to mend shirts and darn socks, you delightfully treat yourself to observe Arthur as he chops the firewood. His strong arms slam the ax down onto the chunks of timber, causing them to splinter in his wake. His muscled arms flex with each blow, his wide shoulders set beautifully with each stroke. His burly legs set into a wide stance, the tendons there rippling beneath the fabric of his trousers with each jarring blow. 

The sight of it makes your heart race so fast that it skips a beat in your chest, knowing that this hulking man belongs to you. Your legs involuntarily cross and squeeze your thighs in an attempt to contain your arousal, a feeling that has yet to be quelled since your abrupt separation this morning. You try to finish your mending as quickly as you can so that you can steal away to go over there. 

“Hey, you,” you call to Arthur as you eventually saunter over, swinging your hips with a cheshire-cat-like grin on your face. 

Arthur lifts his head as he tosses a heavy piece of wood as if it were feather-light. The second his irritable eyes land on your beautiful form floating towards him, the tension melts away from his weathered face. He stands up straight, grinning from ear to ear. “Hey, you.”

You hand him a cup of cool water, which he gratefully accepts as your fingers linger across his knuckles like an ivy vine. You intently watch him as he gulps the refreshing liquid down, observing how his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. God, how you want to plant your lips all over his neck right now. You shift your weight from hip to hip and bite your bottom lip as you watch him.

You step up even closer, bumping your hip into his and giving him that look. Arthur looks at you with intrigue. He swipes the back of his gloved hand across his mouth, wiping away the water droplets that escaped his lips. He dips his head to kiss you, but halts mid-stride when you hear Ms. Grimshaw’s shrill voice hollering for you from across the camp. 

“Y/N! Quit foolin’ around with Arthur and get over here! I ain’t done with you yet!” You and Arthur turn your heads to see the woman standing in the clearing, arms crossed and face twisted up in annoyance.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Arthur mutters. He turns back to you and the disappointment is plain on your face. You could be off wrapping your legs around this man’s waist, but no. You are needed elsewhere…to stitch holes in socks. 

—------------------------------------

And so it goes for the rest of the day. It's as if the universe is purposely trying to keep you and Arthur apart. But Ms. Grimshaw is shrewd. Normally, you and Arthur can get a lot of work done when paired together. But when the two of you are acting more flirtatious than usual, the only way she can get anything done is to completely separate the two of you. Like wound-up teenagers, you and Arthur are known to play around and get distracted, sometimes even disappearing altogether. So the matriarch has been keen to assign you tasks on opposite sides of the camp. 

Seeing an opportunity to catch you alone, Arthur comes up to you while you’re cooking. You are over at the food wagon, stirring the heavy cast-iron pot for tonight’s dinner when you hear the grass and leaves crunching behind you. You don’t even have to turn around to know he’s behind you, as the scent of leather and cigarettes, mingled with clove, permeates your senses. It’s a familiar fragrance that will immediately set your mind to race, making your blood run hot. 

Arthur pushes his chest up against your back just enough to create that electricity. You suck your lip in between your teeth to silence any wanton noise that would be in danger of bubbling up from your throat. You turn your head slightly to the side, catching the pale blue color of his faded work shirt as he runs a single finger down the length of your arm.

“Ah, Mr. Morgan, there you are! I haven’t seen you all day.” Mr. Pearson suddenly appears out from behind the wagon with an armload of ingredients for you to cut and chop for tonight’s stew. 

“Glad you’re here! Listen, did I ever tell you about the time I got into a fist-fight with a fella from town? He was an honest-to-God boxer. But I was too quick for him, you see. It was a good fight, too.”

Mr. Pearson is so wrapped up in his own story that the disappointed groan that comes from you goes unnoticed. Arthur’s brow settles into a hard, dangerous frown again. If it wouldn’t land him a stinging slap upside the head from Ms. Grimshaw, he’d land his fist in the portly man’s face just to shut him up. On and on Pearson goes, excited to have a captive audience for his rambling. You try your best to be polite and smile and nod along, but Arthur has never been one for social etiquette and quickly finds an excuse to walk away. 

After you suffer through yet another one of Mr. Pearson’s stories and manage to get tonight’s dinner going, you set off to find Arthur again. The sexual tension is building and you can’t wait too much longer to deal with it. You finally locate him over by the horses. 

Arthur is preoccupied with getting Buck saddled up, fixing the straps of the saddle and filling his saddle bags with provisions. He’s bent over at the waist, checking Buck’s hooves for any muck or debris, and you come up behind him, slowly running your hands up his back, pushing your fingertips into the muscle. You can feel Arthur shudder from your touch. But he quickly switches gears, muscles stiffening up under your hands.

“Quit. I can’t be startin’ that now,” he quickly scolds you.

“Oh really?” you purr as you press up against him, thinking he’s playing hard-to-get.

“I mean it. Knock it off.” He spins away from you, putting his hand on your forearm and holding you at arm's length as if you were something offensive. 

Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline. “Excuse me?” Your arms cross indignantly over your chest in disbelief. 

But he doesn’t mean to be cruel. He has to focus on what needs to be done. He can’t get sidetracked by those improper thoughts of you. And he has so many of those thoughts about you right now. 

He sighs, rolling his eyes. “Look, it ain’t you, alright? I gotta head out. Dutch needs me to handle something for Strauss.”

You give a long frustrated huff. “Figures,” you mumble under your breath, taking a step back even further away from him.

“Don’t get mad at me for it!” he snaps.

“I’m not.” 

His ocean-colored eyes flash at you. “Yeah, you are!”

“Arthur, if I was mad at you, you’d know it,” you snark back.

“Oh, so this look on your face is one of joy, then?” he says with dripping sarcasm as his hand waves inches from your nose. 

You slap his hand down, your eyes narrowing at him. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I ain’t bein’ in ass!” His voice raises in volume as his limits get tested. He drags his hand over his face in frustration. “Nevermind. Can we deal with this later? I got things to do.” He plants his hands on his hips in impatience.

“Of course you do.” You give him an eye roll, your hair tossing in the air, as you spin on your heels to head back to the campfire. 

—--------------------------------------------------

Later that night, you are walking through the camp. Arthur is nowhere to be seen, which is annoying. You grab the water bucket and head over to the edge of camp to dump it, when you hear a whistle. Confused, you follow the noise as it leads you to the tree line. Suddenly, a massive hand shoots out of the shadows and clamps over your wrist. It's Arthur. He holds his finger up to his lips in a shushing motion, tilting his head to indicate to follow him before you can even utter a word. 

You quietly follow as he leads you away from camp and into the dark and awaiting forest, confused as to what in the world he’s up to. When you get to a thick collection of trees, he stops. 

“Arthur, what are you doing-” but you can’t get another word out before he spins on you and roughly grabs your face, crushing his mouth into yours. You can’t even breathe, as he sucks the air right out of your lungs. He backs you up a few paces, hands still clamped around your cheeks, until your backside hits a tree, trapped and unable to move anywhere else.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day, sweetheart,” he whispers. “Can’t wait a damn second longer. I gotta have ya and have ya now.” He grabs at the fabric of your skirt without warning or permission and starts to hike it up, but you are quick to grab his wrists.

“What?! Out here? Arthur, someone is going to see us!” you gasp, shocked at his brazenness. 

“Don’t care,” he grits out as he pins your body to the tree with his own, his lips attacking your neck. He maneuvers your hands away from his own in order to keep pulling at the skirt fabric which is the only barrier between him and his prize. 

“But Arthur-” You try to take a second to try to talk some sense into him, but he silences you again, shoving his tongue down your throat. Your hands shoot up to his shoulders with a feeble push to try to get him to stop. But by releasing your grasp on his wrists, it frees him to reach up further under your skirt and yank your bloomers off, ripping them at the seam. 

The sudden jerk causes you to gasp and it’s as if a switch has been pulled within you. The culmination of pent-up desire has come to a head as you no longer care about the world around you two. You look up at him with hungry, needy eyes of your own, but see nothing but pure lust reflecting back at you, like looking into the face of a wolf.

Your own pupils are blown wide with yearning and briefly flick from his captive gaze to his full lips. And with that brief glimpse of approval from you, Arthur shoves his arms under your thighs and lifts you up off the ground, slamming you back into the tree trunk. The motion causes the wind to briefly knock out of your lungs as your arms wrap around his shoulders to hold on and keep yourself from falling to the ground. 

His hips grind harshly into you as his mouth devours your jawline and neck. You can feel how hard he is under the fabric of his trousers. Your precious little gasps only spur him on faster. Arthur fumbles with the buttons of his pants, pulling out his rock-hard cock. You can feel the tip of him rubbing hotly against your inner thigh, the length of him dragging along the folds of your heat. He seems impossibly rigid at the moment and you take a split second to wonder if it's actually painful for him. The thought of it causes you to desperately whine and moan in anticipation. 

Arthur can be soft and attentive as a lover, and he can also be hot and passionate. But, every once in awhile, he can be just outright insatiable. A downright, dirty outlaw. 

“You like that, don’t you?” he smirks, pleased with your reaction to his thick manhood teasing your sensitive skin. Cocky bastard. 

All you can do is nod, your mouth agape and gasping for air.

“Good. ‘Cause I ain’t about to stop now.” He lines himself up to you and pushes in, burying himself until his pelvis is flat against yours. You cry out with a wanton little whimper, your head thrown back until it knocks onto the bark behind you with an ungraceful thud. Arthur is large between his legs, always a tight fit within you, but you have zero complaints about it. 

“C’mon, baby, let me hear ya,” he coaxes in your ear. He immediately starts to pump into you, quick and desperate. Your back begins to drag along the tree as he ruts into you. The tree bark cuts into your skin, even through the fabric of your blouse, but you couldn’t care any less. 

“Jesus, Arthur,” you moan. “Right there…(gasping) just like that…just like that.” You try to lean back, pushing your hips towards him and he grunts with a devilish grin. 

“That’s right, girl”.

The beautifully lewd symphony that the two of you create could be heard by anyone in the area if they are close enough. Moans and stifled screams wrap around the wet sounds of tongues and lips clicking, while the unmistakable sound of skin against skin vibrates throughout the ring of trees that encompasses you.  

Arthur lets your one leg drop down so that he can use that hand to reach between you. The pads of his fingers find their way to that sensitive bundle of nerves nestled within your folds and he begins to curl and rub. His other arm that is still hooked under your knee pulls your hip up, opening your gait even more, allowing his cock to ram into the back wall of your cunt with full force. 

It's too much. You loudly cry out at the additional stimulation, your breath gasping as your hands pinch into the meat of his shoulders. 

The sight of you coming undone before his eyes is enough to melt his mind. You lean forward this time, burying your head into his shoulder and letting your whole body go limp in his arms like a rag doll, giving in to sweet pleasure and just letting him have his way with you. 

When you cling to him, he immediately pulls his hand away from your heat and lifts you back up again to get better leverage. He pounds into you even harder, chasing that euphoric ending. You are completely at his mercy now, mercy which will never come. The sexual tension that has been building all day like the pressure of a tea kettle boiling some water has finally been released. And like that scalding hot water, Arthur’s lust burns you.

“Baby, I’m…I’m close…” he sputters, his forehead digging into your temple. You can’t even form coherent words to give him a reply. In fact, you couldn’t care any less about anything he is saying right now, only about what he is doing. 

Your climax is a tidal wave as your hands dig into his shoulder like the claws of a bobcat. The painful sensation of your fingernails cutting into his flesh is enough to push him over the edge as he quickly drops your legs, pulling himself out of you before his spend is sent hurling into the grass at your feet. Lightning clouds his vision as Arthur lets out a loud moan of release, not even bothering to try to hold anything back. His rough hands clasp the rough bark of the tree behind you, snapping pieces of it off in his palms as he braces himself for his own overstimulation.

As his large body comes down from its high, Arthur hangs his head, leaning it against your collarbone, his chest heaving for air. Your legs are shaking, trying to keep upright as you bring your hands up along the sides of his face, cupping his cheeks. Your thumbs begin to stroke his cheekbones to calm him and you press light kisses to his temple as you catch your own breath. 

He slowly pulls his face back to look into yours. Both of you are left speechless. That feral beast that drug you off into the woods to be devoured is no longer in front of you. The man you recognize and love oh-so deeply is back, that sweet grin on his lips. 

“What the hell was that?” you pant out in surprise.

“A man’s got needs,” he smirks with that devilish grin. “And I needed you.” He shakes his eyebrows suggestively at you as he kisses your still-trembling lips. 

“I guess so."

[miss-anachronism]

I posted something yesterday throwing my hat into the ring of Merlin and Valen relationships, and people seemed to like it! These guys are best buds to me, im glad yall see it too. It inspired me to write a little drabble, so here ya go <3 this is Valen and my (fem) Merlin, so it gets kinda specific at parts lol

…

It’s been a long day.

And as much as Valen wishes it were the easier type of long day: boring and uneventful, where he has to drag himself from task to task; it was quite the opposite. Exhilarating, exhausting, and deadly; now he was sinking into a sofa chair in the Mystical house, nursing a spiked drink and a sprained ankle.

It wasn’t even a mishap- he’d launched the attack perfectly, but that godforsaken golem had grabbed his leg at the last moment and slammed him back down into the ground. Lucius said he was lucky to have avoided a concussion. But what does Lucius know, anyway.

All this to say, the entire ordeal has left him grumpy and secluded. He’s tucked into the library, where the din of the bar can’t touch his slowly receding headache. It’s lovely in here, quiet and serene, fresh air drifting through the large open windows on the south wall. The smell of old books mingles nicely with the outside breeze, stopping just shy of being overwhelming. He would have never thought himself a library person; the one in Holistone was lackluster. But Merlin, as she often did, had flipped his conceptions upside down, and provided Valen one of his favourite spaces in her impressive library.

It’s a little ridiculous to expect privacy and solitude from a house that isn’t your own, especially one housing at least five others, but Valen still finds his every muscle tensing when he hears the library door open and close with a soft click.

He exhales slowly through his teeth, trying not to make his disappointment too obvious. He sends his farewells to his peaceful rest, and a quick prayer that whomever has entered isn’t in a talkative mood. He really doesn’t feel up to playing up the charm.

The soft pattering on the floor and the long exhale that come from behind him, however, chases those fears away. The momentary panic slips from Valen’s body, and he glances to the side, grinning when a green, eerie eye catches his gaze.

Merlin grins back at him, though she looks just as tired as he feels. “Hey, sorry. I know you’re hurt, but it’s winding down out there, and I wanted to do some research before I turn in. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Valen chuckles, “It’s your home.”

“Well, yes, but you’re my guest. And if you want me to shut up and leave you alone, say the word and I’ll be gone, no harm no foul.”

“It’s alright, Merlin,” he confirms, slightly surprised that he doesn’t even need to lie, “your company is appreciated.”

She grins at him and sets her own drink down on the small coffee table, and pulls another chair up. “Thanks, Val. I’ll keep it down, promise.”

She’s true to her word, shuffling through a few eclectically stacked books around the floor of the library before settling with three in hand. She puts the biggest one between them, and opens it up to reveal a collection of beautiful woodcuts, depicting various temples across the globe.

Valen lets out a low whistle and leans in, watching as she flips through a few illustrations, and then spins the book around to show him a full two-page print. It takes him a moment to recognize.

“The Moon Temple?”

Merlin nods, her eyes never leaving the paper. “Back in its heyday. We were talking about it, and Dolly mentioned that I should have an old book of prints in here somewhere. I’m lucky I found it so quickly.”

“How old is this book?”

“Four hundred years, give or take.”

Valen half gasps and half laughs, staring at the book in wonder. He’s shocked Merlin even has the balls to touch the thing, let alone open it.

“I can’t believe you just have ancient scripture lying around.”

“Hey, this is far from ancient,” she teases, glancing up to wrinkle her nose at him.

“You’re right, you’re right. It doesnt hold a candle to the oldest artifact in this room: you.”

Merlin sticks her tongue out at him, and Valen returns in kind, before they both return to the book.

The Moon God had been dead for a thousand years or so before this print was made, so the Temple isn’t exactly in perfect condition. Still, it’s a far cry from the decrepit ruins that it’s in today. Beautiful pillars surrounding the pouring, majestic fountains, each flaw and imperfection dutifully recorded… Valen finds himself being drawn in by the skilled execution of the print itself, scanning over the evenly spaces hatching and intricate detailing in the stonework, the water, the attention to values… it’s a beautiful recreation. Valen can even make out the carvings on the pillars themselves.

There’s a little blurb of writing at the bottom of the page, in a language Valen can’t identify. He reaches out to tap at it, stopping just shy of actually touching the book.

“Can you read this?”

Merlin hums in assent. Instead of flipping the book back around to face herself, she stands and moves over to Valen’s side of the table, kneeling next to his chair.

“It’s not much. ‘The Moon Temple, for the greatness and majesty of Nakalig the many-faced…. Cast a moonstone into the divine spring… a chance for divine lunar enlightenment…’ yeah, we know all this already.”

“It’s still interesting,” Valen contests, watching as Merlins finger drifts over the words. “You’ll have to teach me how to read this.”

Merlin scrunches her nose again. “The language is pretty dead, Val. I think you’ll only find Celestials who speak it fluently, nowadays.”

“So? If it’s spoken by Celestials, I’m sure it’s gorgeous. And mysterious. All the more reason to learn it.”

Merlin scoffs. “If you received a love letter written in the old, dead language, would you actually go on a real life date with the sender?”

“A date? I’d bed them on the spot,” Valen jokes, and Merlin throws her head back and cackles.

“Gross, ugh.” She sneers, giggling. Valen grins.

“Thousands of years old, and you still have the humour of a teenager.”

“Shut up,” she huffs, lightly punching him in the shoulder, only for her eye to immediately widen in concern.

“Ah, shit, that didn’t hurt did it? You’re hurt, I shouldn’t be jostling you around.”

“Merlin, babe, do you really think you can push me around?”

“You underestimate me! I could totally beat you up.”

“Mhmm,” Valen chuckles, taking another sip of his drink. Merlin gives him a wry smile.

“Seriously, though, you okay?”

Valen pauses a moment, taking stock of himself. Yes, his ankle still aches, but the spinning pain in his head has thankfully receded. The exhaustion still runs deep in his bones, however; he thinks if Merlin asked him to stand up, he’s simply collapse.

“I’m alright, all things considered,” he settles on, “but tired. Exhausted.”

“Hey, bright idea here! Maybe you should go to bed!”

“A genius, you are.”

“They don’t call me Merlin for nothin’.”

He chuckles. “It’s nice here. I don’t get much time to relax. And the sun’s only just setting,” he waves a hand towards the window, bathed in pinks and oranges, “let me have an hour, at least.”

“Fine,” Merlin conceded, resting her head on the arm of his chair. Dutifully, Valen proceeds to use her head as an armrest. She huffs in amusement.

They stay like that for a few minutes, Merlin lazily flipping through the book, pausing every time Valen leans closer to inspect a print. Eventually, she complains about her neck, and Valen lets up to allow her a slightly more comfortable position.

“I don’t know how to teach languages,” Merlin says suddenly, startling Valen out of his concentration, “but I think, with Hammie’s help, I could teach you a couple phrases and see where it goes from there?”

Valen blinks in surprise. “You don’t have to do that, Merlin.”

She shrugs. “I want to. Gives me something to do. If you want to, of course.”

Valen pauses, thinks it over, takes another long sip of his drink.

“…sure. We’ll see where it goes.”

Merlin nods, and flips the book closed.

“but if I’m a bullshit student, you can’t be mad at me.”

“I’ll never believe you are,” Merlin sniffs, scooping the book up and standing with a grunt. “Deep down, you’re a nerd like the rest of us, Mr. Playboy Solitaire.”

[underratedbitch-number13]

Part 3 : Elpis

A/N: I know that I have been gone for very long and almost abandoned these series. But I have exams going, and yesterday's paper was one of the shittiest ones I've ever written and I was feeling super down. So I came back to finish the angst, lol.

Anyways, I think it's lowkey rushed, but I hope everyone likes it :)

Also It felt so weird writing this chapters because I kept getting new ideas and I wanted to keep writing, but I didn't want to make it tooo long, though it's still pretty lengthy.

Repeating for clarity, MC DID NOT KNOW Mammon at all. She's a complete random stranger who happened to be there.

This part is going to be pretty heavy, so please proceed with caution.

Part 3 : Elpis

(Mammon x F!MC)

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, Mammon is almost about to attempt suicide, bullying, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse, blood, self harm, nightmares.

A LOT OF ANGST!!!

If you are sensitive to any of these, please do not read. This could be triggering.

Written in Third Person POV. Also, If there are any grammatical errors, please feel free to correct them.

Number of words : 2.5k

|| ☞ Part 1 || ☞ Part 2 || ☞ Part 4(coming end of April 2024) ||

———————————————————————

Simeon woke up with a gasp.

Beads of sweat lined his forehead as he desperately tried to calm his erratic breathing. It was the 6th time in a row.

He had another vision.

Simeon and Luke had temporarily returned to Celestial Realm after Luke fell seriously ill. Luke had almost recovered, but he needed a few more days to heal completely before they returned for the exchange program.

Simeon and Luke weren't aware of anything that had transpired back in Devildom in their absence, because they had left before the video was released.

But since the past few days, Simeon has been seeing terrible visions.

Visions of Mammon's death followed by utter chaos among his brothers, then a war with the human world. He vividly remembers seeing the Sorcerer's Society up in arms against the 6 brothers.

Solomon was there too, fighting against the brothers.

Simeon felt shivers when recalled how brutally Solomon ended Asmodeus's life after using their pact to his advantage. The entire war was a bloody mess with many dead, including Belphegor, Asmodeus, and Leviathan.

His visions never showed him the end of the war, so he never knew who won.

Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand Simeon decided it was time to talk to Michael. He needed to inform him about the visions and apologize for not telling sooner.

Getting out of his bed, Simeon got ready to visit Michael.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Michael appeared perplexed when Simeon told him about his visions.

Visions were not a part of Simeon's powers. Now he was seeing a recurring vision, that too one about a war between humans and demons?

Michael sent Simeon back after reassuring him that he'd get in touch with him about this matter soon. Unsatisfied with Michael's answer Simeon reluctantly headed back to his place.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach and he couldn't shake it off.

He cared about Solomon and the brothers, and he had grown very attached to them. These visions were like nightmares to him, and he felt helpless. He really wanted to do something to prevent all of this.

The thing that perplexed him the most was Mammon's death.

He did not know the cause of his death, he only knew that his body was found in the human realm with his heart ripped out.

Seeing his brother's body in that condition had incurred Lucifer's wrath, equivalent to what he had seen during the war before his fall.

The brothers had concluded that humans were somehow responsible for Mammon's death and bathed the human world in blood. Simeon's head hurt just thinking about it.

"Father," he prayed. "Please protect everyone."

———————————————————————

♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎

———————————————————————

Barbatos and Diavolo had known. 

They were aware of the tragedy that was about to occur, after all, Barbatos had already checked every timeline.

Unfortunately, all of them only had one outcome, Mammon's death.

Diavolo was devastated upon learning this. He had failed! He failed as the future King! How could he not protect his subject, his dear friend Mammon?

Barbatos himself felt a little lost, his stoic persona wavered as remembered what he what he saw. Although he never openly showed his affection for Mammon, he cared. He cared more than anyone would believe.

It was hard for either of them to digest the fact

The panic slowly started to set in.

Diavolo insisted on talking to Mammon immediately, but he was stopped by Barbatos, who informed him of how every effort made by them in other timelines had done more damage than help.

In one timeline, when they tried talking to Mammon about his mental health, he denied everything. He laughed it off and replied with a "Nobody can hurt the Great Mammon!"

In other timelines, if they punished the students for bullying him, they would isolate themselves even further from him and would call him a snitch or a baby. And if they tried to stop Asmodeus from releasing the video by going to the past, another video of Mammon would always surface.

In the end, they couldn't change the future.

———————————————————————

♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎

———————————————————————

The winds picked up as Barbatos chanted mantras to invoke his most powerful magic.

Diavolo stood not far away, looking at the figure at a distance with a grave look on his face, his demon form emerging as Mammon stepped closer to the edge.

The Prince of Hell had never imagined that a day like this would ever come. The guilt in his heart was immeasurable knowing he had failed his dear subject, and he had almost been too late to realize that.

Now they had no option but to do this. Barbatos was going to freeze the time on Earth for a couple of hours until the full moon ended and then erase his memories from the past few months.

The next moon full as powerful as this one was three months away and that should give them more time to do something.

His eyes turned to Barbatos on his left as he stood in a trance-like state with his eyes closed, a dark aura emitting from him. He was almost done with the process.

"δεθιλΠγπξΨυΣἀἧΪΏ"

Barbatos began chanting louder, and his eyes slowly started opening to release his powers.

Diavolo turned his attention back to Mammon to check on him, and his eyes widened at what he saw. “Barbatos stop!” He yelled and grabbed the butler’s arm to break his concentration.

Barbatos fell on his knees, eyes opened wide and bloodshot, tears pouring out of them. "My Lord," Barbatos gasped, completely out of breath. "Why?"

Diavolo winced at Barbatos' state."Barbatos, I apologize. But we don't need to intervene anymore. He already has."

———————————————————————

♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎

———————————————————————

Silver butterflies.

They were a sign of God’s presence.

Diavolo, Barbatos, and Lucifer were the only demons who knew about those butterflies. They are usually seen when someone about to die is about to ascend to heaven OR it means that God was around.

Mammon, who was surrounded, couldn’t see the silver butterflies dancing around him.

They formed a line that was going in a particular direction. Almost like it was linking Mammon with something.

Or someone.

A human girl?

Diavolo and Barbatos watched from a distance, as the girl approached the bridge. She too was surrounded by the silver butterflies.

And she could see them.

There was awe on her face as she stared at those beautiful miracles fluttering around her. The bright full moon, the silver butterflies, and the gentle cool winds made the scene look magical.

Diavolo and Barbatos watched as the girl followed the butterflies giggling, not noticing Mammon.

Until she did. Her eyes fell on Mammon's figure, still in his human form, standing on the ledge with a painfully serene look on his face. The silver butterflies long forgotten, she ran towards Mammon with wide eyes and a panicked expression.

"No," she gasped, grabbing Mammon and pulling him down. “Please, please don’t do it.”

"What da hell?" Mammon cursed. "Who are ya?"

The human who was smiling and giggling just a few moments ago now had heavy tears flowing down her face.

"Please don't do this."

"What is it to ya?" Mammon yanked his hand out of the human's hands.

"It's not worth it, please. Don't do it," she repeated.

Mammon sighed irritatedly. "Look human, ya should go back. Ya don't know me and it's not yer place to tell me what to do."

"Please, it will hurt your loved ones--"

"I DON'T HAVE LOVED ONES." Mammon roared. "I am a scumbag, I don't deserve to live or be loved."

"That's not true!"

"What do ya know?!"

"Yes, I don't anything!! But what I do know is that nothing in this world is worth more than your life. It doesn't matter who loves whom. It's never going to be worth more than you!"

Mammon stayed silent.

"Why should you die for their sins? Why should you suffer because they aren't good people? I'm sorry you had to go through whatever you did, I'm sorry you don't think you deserve to be loved, and I'm really sorry that you find solace in the idea of dying. But please please please for the love of God, please don't do this"

Mammon wanted to scoff at the human. For the love of God? His father whom he betrayed for his wretched brother who has abandoned him now?

Karma, it's probably Karma, Mammon thinks.

He didn't want to listen to the human in front of him, after all, she was speaking the truth. He shouldn't have to suffer for his brothers.

But he was tired. Mammon didn't feel like he had enough strength to be strong another day. He had forgotten how to love himself, and without love, he knew he would shrivel.

Death was really the only option left.

Mammon realized that he shouldn't waste his time any further talking to this human. She was too nice for him and it's pretty late for a human girl to be out anyways.

"Look, I get what ya tryin' to say-"

"No," she stopped him from speaking, taking hold of his arm again. " I am not going to let you do it. You better be prepared to kill me if you want me to let go of you."

"Have ya lost yer mind?" Mammon looked at her with disbelief.

"No, I have not. But I will lose my mind because of guilt if I ignore this and let you do it."

Why? Why was this human going so far for him? Pity? Guilt?

"I will be there for you. We can be friends."

Mammon scoffed. What an arrogant human.

"Yer as stupid as ya look. Ya think I won't kill ya? And what makes ya think yer sob speech is enough to not make me jump? Ya only wanna be ma friend outta pity and I don't want any of that. Ya don't havta feel guilty or anythin. The world is not yer child an yer not responsible for it. Go home."

Mammon forced himself out of the human's grip and stood up. He looked at her, as she stared blankly at the ground.

He felt bad for being rude to her, but he had no choice. Mammon didn't like pity. After giving her one last look and climbed the edge again. He was about to switch to his demon form when a thought crossed his mind

Won't the human get terrified if she sees his demon form? What if she has nightmares?

"Give me one minute," she spoke interrupting Mammon's train of thoughts. She whipped out her phone and began typing furiously.

Is she calling for help? Will I have to deal with more annoying humans?

"Done," she declared and tossed her phone to the side of the bridge. It landed sideways and you could hear it crack.

What the--?

"Can you move a little and make some space for me? " She asked Mammon, coming over to where he was standing.

Mammon stood on a small ledge at the end of the bridge. It was the darkest corner and that's why he chose it. Although it was small, it could still hold two people.

"What are ya doing?" Mammon questioned, as the human struggled to get on the ledge.

"Joining you."

"What? Why? Human, have ya seriously lost yer mind?"

"No."

"Then what hell is yer problem ?! Why can't ya just leave me alone? Was that irritating speech of yours jus' empty words? Does the same logic not apply to ya?"

"My brother committed suicide six months ago."

What--??

"I was the one who found his body. It was dark when I entered his room and his legs hit my face. He was hanging from the ceiling."

Mammon was left speechless at this sudden confession.

"I often wondered you know, why did he do it. He didn't leave a letter, a note, or even give a proper goodbye. He was my only family. I haven't moved on from his death yet. What if I had paid attention, would I have noticed that my always happy and smiling older brother was actually struggling? Did I ever notice how tired he looked or how lifeless his eyes were? If I had, maybe he would still be here."

There was a pause, as she struggled to continue.

"Maybe if I was a better sister, maybe if I wasn't such a burden, then he wouldn't have died. I feel so pathetic you know. So useless. If anything he deserved to live more than I do. He worked so many jobs to ensure we both had a roof over our heads and food on our plates. He sacrificed most of his life to make sure that my life was good, and what did I do for him? Nothing."

"Hey stop. Yer not to blame for anything that happened, and ya don't havta to tell me if it's so painful--"

"No, I am telling you all of this because I want you know to that I don't have a reason to live either. I had lost my will to live the day my brother died, but I kept going because everyone told me that my brother would've wanted me to be happy. I tried, I tried so hard to be happy but I couldn't. And today when I saw you on the ledge with the same expression as my brother on the day he killed himself, I felt the world slip under my feet. If I can't stop you from killing yourself, it's going to destroy me. So why not join you? I always feared dying alone anyway."

She had successfully climbed up and now stood beside Mammon.

"If you don't mind, can I request something? Can we hold hands when we jump?"

Mammon could tell she was trembling, he could sense her fear.

Humans truly are the most annoying species in the whole universe.

"Tch, stupid human," Mammon grumbled and picked up the human in bridal style. He got down from the ledge and walked away from the corner, still holding her in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Shuddup, I'm taking ya to the mental hospital. Ya need some serious help."

"Do you know the address to one?"

"No, but ya will tell me. I know ya know."

"Fine, I'll tell you. But can we please stop at my place for a bit? I have to pick up a couple of things."

"Tch tch, Annoying little human."

———————————————————————

♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎ ♣︎

———————————————————————

ALSO GUYS I AM SO SORRY FOR ABANDONING THIS. I WILL FINISH THIS SERIES BY THE END OF THIS MONTH, I PROMISE.

And also thank you to everyone who took their time to read so far. I really really appreciate it.

Reblogs and comments are appreciated. Please let me know your thoughts on how you feel about this.

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[ninapi]

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┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ Sound Pillar ╝

Premise: A broken man, a shattered dream and purpose. Retirement made Tengen feel useless, a rather confident man shatters to the ground, new resolution and sense of one self blooms from it as he meets the right person at the right moment.

Word count: 4551

Warning: spoilers, the story takes place in between and after the manga’s original timeline. Just a tiny bit suggestive, because Tengen lol.

Note: This is in a way linked to my previous Giyuu story (link here if you're interested).

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Uzui Tengen won over the upper moon six.

So why did it feel like he lost?

He lost many things that day, his position as the sound pillar, his arm, even one of his beautiful eyes, but most importantly, his ego got bruised. They won, yes, but at a very high cost.

There was no other option than to retire, to leave his beloved demon corps behind.

Once again, he was forced out of his predetermined way of living, first out of his shinobi village, now the corps.

He felt empty, lost, useless.

His sense of self had been shattered once more without the promise of a brighter future.

Last time he lost his family, his house, his identity, but won his three wives, his companions, his new family, it wasn’t a bad deal. But this time, what did he win? He got one moon killed, that’s all. If it would have been Muzan this would be a different story, but it was just an upper moon, a lower one in ranks at that to make it all worse.

Wasn’t he supposed to be strong? Were his muscles all good for nothing? All his training and knowledge? Now it would all go to waste.

Lost in his own misery, Tengen found solace in alcohol. He wasn’t particularly fond of the beverage nor proud of himself for turning to the easy way out, but he needed something that could make him forget the emptiness of his heart.

Tengen was a regular patron at a family owned izakaya downtown. The old man made the best side dishes he’s tried in his life, that plus the stories of his youth as a retired demon slayer would always bring a smile to his face, he somehow felt like the father figure he never had, he was kind, experienced, wise, he always knew how to make him feel better regardless of the struggle. So, he decided it would be a good time to pay the old man a visit.

He would always sit at the counter, order a drink or two and just enjoy the evening. However, he had already been drinking that day and his appearance wasn’t as well kept as it normally is. He was still wearing a bandage over his lost eye and refused to leave his uniform behind just yet.

When he arrived, there were only a couple of customers sitting way over the back of the shop, the counter was completely empty, all for him like he liked it, though the old man wasn’t in sight. He assumed he was in the kitchen and went over to his usual stool.

A young woman came out of the back trying her best to balance three dishes at once, startling Tengen who was awfully close to the entrance door. “I’m so sorry sir. I will take your order in a second!”, scrambling over to the back table, she handed over the food delicately placed on the plates and brought over some refills for their beer.

“Excuse me for the delay, my father hurt his leg yesterday and I offered to take over his place until he recovers, I’m still trying to get the hang of this. What can I get for you?” his crestfallen expression made your stomach sink, he wasn’t pleased, he even looked upset, maybe you talked too much and he didn’t want to be bothered.

“That’s a shame, I came here just to talk with the old man. He always knows how to lift my spirits. I’ll have a beer though if you don’t mind. Maybe something to munch on as well.” his tone was softer than you expected, his voice alluring and raw, you could hear the drawl of alcohol mixed in it, but he looked pretty sober still.

“Sure! I dried out some squid it pairs perfectly with this new brew we have, let me get you some right away.” your enthusiasm and welcoming smile calmed his nerves, he was disappointed that he wouldn’t get to talk with his old friend, but this wasn’t half bad, you did take after him, he could see the resemblance.

He knew he had a daughter, but this was the first time he’s seen you. Your father married a younger woman right after retiring from the corps, Tengen met your mother once and he remembers teasing the old man for marrying such a hottie, he had it in him, he was still good looking for his age, muscles still present from his rigorous training and he wished to be like him when he got older. But never really expected his daughter to be around his age and this pretty, it was quite the shock.

Everything was delightful, not only the squid and the beer prototype but your company. He almost even forgot he was feeling down, you were just as chatty as your father, cheerful, knew how to make him laugh, it was an unexpected turn for the night.

“So, you are the famous Uzui-sama? I’ve heard so much about you from my father. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you!” he suddenly feels his heart drop, he talks too much and is aware of everything he’s told your father, he knows about his three wives, he knows about his bad habits. He’s never been ashamed of having three wives, not even once in his life, until this day.

He somehow wishes he was a normal guy in his early twenties, someone with the luxury of getting to know you better.

“Have you now. All good things I hope.” he tried to mask his uneasiness with his usual sassy attitude, hoping for the best. Even if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to wish for something of the sort.

“Yes! I’ve heard of your legendary fights with scary demons and even about how handsome you were. Not everyone can have three wives after all.” your cheeky smile made him choke with his drink, he was hoping the old man hadn’t mention them, that damn sneaky geezer.

“Hmm…well it doesn’t really have anything to do with my good looks, mind you. That is the norm for Shinobi households. The head of your family chooses three women for you when you turn fifteen and you’re supposed to bring lots of heirs for the clan. I did run away before that could happen though.” this new piece of information made your eyes gleam for some reason, and he didn’t miss the relieved expression on your delicate face, even if it lasted less than a second.

“I see. So, are they more like sisters? Or are they functional wives?” there was a soft shade of pink dusting your beautiful cheeks at the implications behind the question, one of your fingers was twirling around your locks in an almost shy flirty kind of way. It was bolder than he expected, he liked how flamboyant that was.

“Sisters…huh. Never thought about it that way. I guess you can say one of them is, she’s kind of grumpy, always fights with everyone but she’s a wonderful shinobi. Then we have one that’s like a mother figure to all, she’s the one that cooks and keeps the house in order, we all respect her. And the last one is more like a pet, clingy, cute, cries a lot, gives everyone headaches.” a long sigh came out of him after he recounts his daily life. None of them sounded like the type of wife you feared the most, interesting.

Your giggles brought him back to reality, they were like music to his depressed ears, “Doesn’t sound too different from my own house. Though, we don’t have a pet.”

“Are you…I mean…do you have your own family, or do you still live with your parents?” the alcohol was completely out of his system by now, his mood changing completely for something he was not hoping to see today.

“I live with my parents. I know I’m a little old for that but I’m still waiting for the right one, if you know what I mean.” your eyes were beautiful, the low light of the bar area just accentuated their natural glow even more, your lips looked so plush and full, kissable was the only way to describe them. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that the shop was completely empty now, he was the last customer of the night and was probably time for him to leave as well. A pity.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I may have three wives, but not by choice. Can’t say I’ve been in love before. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wives, they’re my family. It’s just that you know that young love experience? Sneaking out to meet each other, first kisses, all that, yeah, never had it.” you were nodding in thought, even if his situation was pretty unrelatable, you could understand the feeling as you’ve always craved the same thing, therefore rejecting any possibility of an arranged marriage.

“It’s difficult to come by if you ask me. Everyone I know gets married for convenience. Love is a rare occurrence these days. It’s why I admire my parents. They didn’t care for how society would see them, father being on the older side and all, but they’re as happy and in love as teenagers regardless of what others might say.”

“Your father is an awesome man, he deserves nothing but the best.” the smile you gave him made his heart explode in a very flamboyant way, leaving him breathless.

“Thank you for your kind words, Uzui-sama. Even if it pains me, I’m afraid we must continue this wonderful conversation another day. It’s getting pretty late and there’s been rumors of demons around the area, father forbid me to keep the shop open until late.”

This alerted Tengen, he was in no condition to protect you if the worse was to happen, it couldn’t be risked. The feeling of being useless crept back into his chest, a feeling he’s been neglecting for the past few hours. Your cheerfulness was contagious, you’ve managed to make him feel alive again, to forget who he was, what tied him to his depressive state, you’ve managed to make him feel like just a man in a bar meeting a beautiful woman for the first time, he was livid. But reality was very different and it crashed hard on him like a bucket of icy cold water.

“You better go then, sadly your protector for the night has become a useless man. Wouldn’t want to put you in danger if I can no longer protect you.” his eyes turned dark, his expression falling. Making your way around the counter, you rested your hand on top of his, offering comfort. “You’re not useless, Uzui-sama. I’ve seen my father behead a demon with a spoon. Just because you lost an arm doesn’t mean you’re useless. Pretty sure you could protect me without a struggle if it was necessary. Besides, I’m not a maiden that needs to be protected, I know my way around, believe it or not.” the teasing tone in your voice made Tengen’s grin return, you were a handful there was no doubt about that.

“Call me Tengen, beautiful.” the soft look in his eyes took your breath away, he was perfection even if half of his face was covered in bandages.

He left the shop with a smile on his face, his worries all shoved down a drain. It amused him how just talking to you for a few hours could make such a difference in the way he sees the world. He didn’t feel useless anymore, you were right, this was just an obstacle it wasn’t the end of the world. Having just one eye was better than not having any, he just had to find a way to look even more flamboyant than ever to make up for the loss, easypeasy.

His heart was still racing, his chest felt warm.

That night he sent his wives to their own room, he had a lot to think about.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s been four days since your last encounter. Tengen was doing his best to restrain himself and stay home, he didn’t want to seem easy or to come across as pushy, but he couldn’t take it anymore, he had to see you even if it was just for a few minutes, even if it was just through a window, anything would do.

“Uzui-sama! What a pleasure to have you back this soon. My daughter told me of your last visit, it’s a shame I was bedridden that day.” your father had now resumed his duties, sending Tengen into a nervous breakdown, he never expected him to be back this soon. Would he ever get to see you again? Is not like he knows where you live.

“Old man! You’re back already? Shouldn’t you be resting? I heard you hurt your leg. Rest is important to heal, I’m sure you know that.” there was a knowing smirk on your father’s face, he knew where this was coming from.

“I’m fine really, it doesn’t even hurt any more. Shouldn’t bother my lovely daughter for this, it gets bad when men get drunk and try to touch her, sadly it happens very often.” Tengen’s face went feral, he was seeing red at this point, wishing he had his swords with him, “They did WHAT? Tell me who they are, I will kill them all and feed them to stray dogs.” this made your father chuckle, he saw the look on your face when you were telling him about his visit, your happy sway the next morning while you prepared breakfast, it’s something he can identify quite well, and he could see it reflected in Tengen’s face too.

“If I knew who they were, they would be dead already Uzui-sama.”

“Good point. Do tell me if anyone even dares to look at her the wrong way, I can help exterminating pests.” the venom in his words was comical, he was so angry, and he’s only met you once.

“Will do, please come inside, I will prepare something for you.”

“Don’t worry about me old man, it’s too early for a drink, I was just passing by and wanted to say hello.” he was about to continue with his life when he heard his favorite little voice from afar.

“FATHER!!” you were running after him slowly, dragging a ridiculously large bag full of potatoes, he said he wanted to switch the menu around but forgot to bring with him the main ingredients.

“(Y/N) my love, what is it? Oh! How could I forget the potatoes? I’m certainly getting old.” your face was red from exertion, your breath ragged from the little race.

“Let me carry those for you, they look heavy.” Tengen got the bag up with his good hand like if it was weightless, causing your eyes to dart up to your savior.

“Tengen-sama! I didn’t know you’d be here. How have you been?” you were mentally cursing at yourself for not choosing something nicer to wear, you didn’t even fix your hair as you were just going to drop the potatoes in the shop and head back to your house.

“Well, I didn’t know I would be either, but it happened that way. I’ve been good, how about you? Missing me much?” this made you blush, smiling up at the man in front of you, you had in fact, but never expected him to ask such a question. Your father cleared his throat, making the bubble you two had created pop, you both forgot he was even there.

“Come inside Uzui-sama, seems like your plans for the day have changed.” your father was a sneaky man, he knew what was going on and shouldn’t be endorsing it, but he’s never seen you smile like that.

“Yeah, I guess I can stay for a bit.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The sun had set and Tengen was still in your shop, though, instead of being in the counter where he usually was, he was now sneaking into the kitchen where you were pealing potatoes for your father.

It startled you at first, his hand coming over to cover your mouth to keep you from making any noise. “Tengen-sama?” your voice was muffled against the palm of his hand, making him chuckle.

“Shhh…the old man will hear us.” he was closing the door, scooting closer to you in the tight space.

“Do you need something?” the closeness was making you sweat with anticipation, he was towering over you, his eyes slightly hooded lost in your face. “I missed you…couldn’t get you out of my head, that’s why I came…” your heart was racing so fast you feared he could hear it from where he was.

“I did too, Tengen-sama. But we should probably don’t act on these feeli-“ he cut you short slamming his lips against yours, instantly letting a small whimper out. Your lips tasted wonderfully, they were so soft, so warm, just like he imagined they would be but even better than his wildest fantasy. Your hands came to lace around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to your body, taking in all he had to offer.

You both knew this was wrong, but none of you could avoid it any longer.

“Tengen-sama…what about your wives…?” you were mumbling against his lips in between kisses, his hand tugging on your kimono trying to expose as much skin as possible without getting you undressed. He just needed to kiss every inch of you, right now.

“What about them? They’ll love you…who wouldn’t? You’re gorgeous, kind, overall lovely…they might even try to steal you away…” his needy panting was driving you insane and you wished desperately your father wasn’t behind that flimsy door.

You held him by his shoulders, doing your best to stop his ministrations, this was a bad idea. “Tengen-sama, we can’t do this here.” he was now holding you up in his arm, keeping you trapped against the wall while he kissed down your neck. “Shall we go to my house then, doll? Don’t think I can live a day more without you…” his words were making you feel drunk, you needed this man as much as he needed you, but this was not the place for that.

“Ok….” Your voice was nothing but a breathless whisper and you were not sure this was such a good idea either; your father wouldn’t be there, but three unknown possibly threatening women would.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The walk over to his state was unbearable, the heat was overwhelming outside and inside of you. Tengen threw you over his shoulder in despair and ran over the town to speed up the process as his insides were also melting.

Without even announcing his arrival, he got into the house from his bedroom’s window, throwing you on his bed and devouring you for hours on.

It was an experience, that much was a fact.

He was unstoppable and so were you apparently.

The girls noticed something was off, even if you muffled every possible sound coming out of you, Tengen didn’t, and he was living his best life.

He’s never enjoyed himself this much, didn’t even think it would be this different. He’s been with many women before, his wives included, but you, you were a treat that he couldn’t get enough of.

He kept you in his room for days, it was just not an option for you to leave. Not like you wanted to anyways.

But this wasn’t just lust. This was intimacy as its best.

He would lay his head on your lap while you played with his hair, hearing him retell his stories of grater days.

You would feed each other while cuddling on his floor.

Shared multiple baths.

Even got to decorate his eyepatch with the remains of his old headband jewels that he had laying around in his room.

At this point it was pretty obvious to the rest that he had a woman in his room. But Suma was the only one bothered by this. Hina and Makio had accepted that this would eventually happen at some point, they’ve messed around with others as well with Tenge’s authorization, this wasn’t a strict household, they all could do whatever they pleased. But this was the first time Tengen brought a woman home. It was an indication that you were important, this meant serious business and they had no saying in this.

“Baby…why don’t you stay here for good? You know…be my wife maybe? I don’t think I can send you back to your parents’ house after all this…” his face was buried in the softness of your chest, unwilling to let go of you.

“Tengen…you already have a wife…three actually.”

“And? They have their own room, you can stay here with me if it bothers you. I’m sure you can all become good friends, they’re nice girls I promise.” Littering kisses over your exposed skin, he was in heaven, needed to sway you to his side.

“I don’t know Tengen…I mean I would marry you for sure, there’s no doubt there. But this isn’t a normal situation, and you know that. I’m not telling you to choose or anything, I just…I don’t know…” anxiety was filling his lungs, he’s never felt such attachment towards someone. Sure he was afraid of loosing his wives to the upper moon, but this was different. He felt like he needed you by his side, you made him want to continue living even after reaching such a low point. You made him laugh, you made him love.

“Baby please…give us a chance. I promise I’ll make you the happiest woman…”

You agreed to meet the girls and he was right, they were all lovely, even Suma who seemingly hated you was a nice girl.

Hina welcomed you to the family with her arms open and you could quickly see who was who based on the descriptions previously given by Tengen. They were lovely and accepted you as part of the group practically as soon as they saw you. Suma sulked for weeks as you were deemed Tengen’s one true love, she loved her husband dearly, so she felt a little betrayed unlike the rest that were happy the family was growing.

Your father had already accepted you would be sharing your husband, he wasn’t as bothered as your mother was, but they weren’t a conventional couple either, so they accepted him, nonetheless.

And so, you became a new addition to the Uzui household.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Life was chaotic to say the least.

Tengen honored his promise making you sleep with him in the master bedroom while the others slept in their own. He would still go to their room often, but your place was pretty much stablished among them.

You four were all his wives, but you were his woman.

This was further confirmed when you were the one he decided to impregnate.

The thought of having offspring terrified him, he couldn’t help to think of the bloodbath his family had to suffer under his father’s own commands.

But you made him want to experience fatherhood. He would be following your father’s steps, not his. He would be the best dad there is and you would be one to carry his first child.

Once pregnant not even Suma could resist how cute you were all round and fluffy. They spoiled you rotten constantly, you had the best food there was, the bigger portions. Tengen was over the moon and would carry you everywhere afraid of anything bad happening to his child.

Your first born was welcomed to this world surrounded by warmth and reaching an immense number of hearts.

Tomioka Giyuu, Tengen’s friend was invited by him for the big day, he was so proud of his lovely wife he wanted the entire universe to come and see his beautiful newborn. Of course, he never thought his friend would hog his child as soon as he was born. The first face your son ever saw was not yours nor your husbands, not even his grandparents but an old friend.

Tengen was in charge of naming his first born. He wanted something flashy, something that screamed power. So, he went for ‘Shingen’, promising you would be able to name the next one.

He quickly became the little prince of the house.

Adored little Shingen was surrounded by beautiful women from the day he was born onward, what could be more flamboyant than that.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Time Skip~

You’ve been living as a family of eight for quite some time now, even if it was tempting to bring more lovely children to this world, the household was anything but quiet already.

Suma had gone in a rant a while back, she was hurt, felt unloved. She wanted to provide Tengen with a child as well, wanted to be loved as she used to before you came to the house. The rift between you two was unavoidable. Tengen refused to leave any of them pregnant without your consent and you had to agree just to shut her up, it was quite aggravating, and it was upsetting Shingen who kept on begging for a sibling. He did want one, but from his mother and father, he just didn’t understand his dysfunctional home, he was too young for that.

A little girl was born from her rant, and she not only looked like her mother but acted just like her too.

It drove things to a still point and you were considering leaving the house with your son. But you loved your husband too much for your own good, you just couldn’t muster the strength to do it.

Shingen’s temper was growing sour, he disliked the current living arrangements way too much as he was used to being the center of attention.

His father thought giving him the little sibling he used to ask for so often would alleviate his load, bring his cheerful flamboyant son back, and magically, it worked.

When Tenya came to this world, Shingen went back to his soft loving nature, the four of you lived in Tengen’s room and he felt safe there, it was your family’s own little home within the house, your happy place.

Tenya was now the center of attention, and he was fine with that, at least it was his actual brother, and he loved him, he was all he ever wished to have and for a second thought he would never.

He feared his family would collapse, that his father would choose one of the other women and make them the main wife, it terrified him being replaced, having that annoying kid take his rightful place. He loved his father so much, looked up to him, he was everything for Shingen. Having a brother was his way of securing his place in the house, he wouldn’t want to go with someone else if there was a new baby in your little family, right? Proud of developing the perfect plan, he looked more like Tengen as days went on.

Suma had asked for your forgiveness and you two went back to being friends, your son however, would never.

The air around the house was tense and more often than not you wanted to run away from there.

This was your decision, you knew it would be hard, sharing your one true love was not something everyone could do, but you didn’t regret it. Tengen loves you, you know it, the world knows it, he gave you your beloved sons, you were happy regardless of the confrontations and attention seeking displays.

A letter had arrived from the Ubuyashiki mansion to celebrate Kiriya-sama’s coming of age ceremony and everyone was invited, even the children.

Tengen was particularly looking forward to seeing his pillar friends and get to brag about his beautiful big family.

His household was unconventional. Troublesome. Loud.

He brought war into his own house, but he found true love in the process. He was a new man, a respected husband and father.

Life would continue with its hardships but having you and the gang by his side was all he needed for the rest of his days.

But he had to fix the mess he got himself into.

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Tagged babes: @doumadono

Masterlist Next Chapter

[somberjoon]

METANOIA [8]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 8.8k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety , TW // panic attack with nightmare description of assault / sa (this is not explicit or detailed at all but talks of the suffocating feeling of touch) an asterisk * at the start and end of the section that includes this. inclusion of minor wound (bruises and small cuts) description. lots of feelies and talking this ch.

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7 , ch.8 , ch.9

✩ disclaimer: i can't predict what anyone will think, but please understand that some important topics that need discussing as a pack in these circumstances are left out on purpose. If you can't figure it out now then it'll be a nice surprise lol.

Namjoon

The rush to put on better clothing for the chill of night goes by in hushed words from Seokjin and a now awake Hoseok. 

“You’re not being detained are you?” 

“No, they don’t have a warrant or anything. Whatever happened, it was probably Maria or Y/N herself that mentioned me and they just want information about events.” 

“Namjoon I don’t like this.” Hoseok spills. 

“I know, something doesn’t feel right- but I need answers and I at least have my job under my belt to know what my rights are. I’ll be okay.”

“Let Seokjin go with you.” Hoseok still pushes. 

“I don’t want to put him in that situation-”

“Can you hurry up?” Seokjin seems to manifest in conversation, dressed and ready to go. “Of course I’m going with you.” 

With Hoseok’s extra encouragement to bring the oldest of their pack with him, Namjoon and Seokjin leave in their own car, driving towards an unknown fate.

 At this time, the bustle of a police station is nonexistent. It’s an eerie feeling being searched and taken back to a room in…silence, really. The silence also makes him wonder where Y/N is, as he hasn’t even gotten a scent of her here. The passive woman that leads him to the room is the one that ends up asking him the questions. 

“We apologize for the timing that the officers showed up at your house. After finally getting some information from Y/N it had already been 7 hours of silence from her. I can’t give many details right this second, but after we get some more information I can let you know.” 

“Of course. Is she still here at the station?” 

“No, she actually didn’t even come here originally. She’d been in the hospital for some injuries.” 

  Somehow, his heart sinks deeper into the pit of his body and his stomach makes its way towards his throat. 

“Is she- is she okay?”

“Okay is a…hard word to use. Physically, she doesn’t have any long-lasting injuries, but mentally-” She doesn’t even need to finish for Namjoon to understand. It wouldn’t be any better if she was only hurt physically somehow, but knowing that whatever this was is just another huge blow to her mental health is sickening. 

“What do you need to know?” Namjoon asks, trying to get to the point but still keeping his composure.

“We have information that yesterday at approximately 12:00PM Y/N and you can be put in the same place. I was seeing if you could give us a rundown from the time you two met for the day to the time she got home.” 

Namjoon knows no specific words or details will be given to him just to see if the information matches both Y/N’s and Maria’s or Richard’s. So, he tells it honestly- the truth.

“I picked her up around 12PM, she had a class at the hospital that she wanted to attend and I was the one available to Y/N that could take her. So, I picked her up and she didn’t seem to like the outfit she was wearing- she wears comfortable clothing but, she just seems- not sure about what to wear to certain functions or events. Before the class, we had time to stop by a small clothing shop, just one in the strip mall. We picked out an outfit and she got to the class in time, which was at 1:15PM and lasted about an hour.”

“Do you know what kind of class this was?”

“Sexual Development class, a free one that- I think her doctor recommended it.” 

“Okay, continue with the events please.”

“During the class she had forgotten her phone, so I stayed outside the hospital, thus we were able to leave right away and go to my pack’s home for a visit. We, Y/N and I, had been trying to plan a visit to my pack home because of the growing friendships between me and her and another one of my pack members. She was anxious about it because she doesn’t really like meeting new people, she doesn’t trust easily, especially men. But, she blended in well, and because everyone was welcome with each other, it was a good visit. The cheetahs hung out, then we had dinner and then she seemed tired so I offered to take her home around 7PM.”

“Did Y/N show any odd behavior before you took her home?” 

“To be honest, she seemed reluctant to have me leave her home alone. I’m not sure if Richard was home at that time or anything, but I- I should’ve checked before I left. She didn’t say anything though, she didn’t ask me to stay or tell me if she was uncomfortable being alone.” Namjoon stops to bring himself back together, the thoughts of what could’ve happened fight their way to the front. His regret is immense at the moment, even when he doesn’t know what exactly happened. 

“Did you see anyone outside of her home? And, you said you didn’t know if Richard was home, but were there any signs that anyone else was there?” 

Red alarms immediately go off in his head. Because- no. He didn’t make sure, but-

“I stayed at that house, parked in the driveway for 15 minutes after she told me she was okay and locked the door. I wanted to make sure that she didn’t change her mind or-” this woman is a hybrid, she should understand if he says this. “I just felt like something was wrong, and I’ve known enough of her to see when she’s uncomfortable or when she doesn’t want to say something. I should’ve made sure she was okay.”

“Luckily, Y/N is safe now. And I can see that the storylines do add up. Your words were the last ones we needed. But, later on your pack could be asked to testify if the judge decides this isn’t a clean cut case.”

“Can you tell me? What happened?”

“If you guys are close, and if she trusts you as much as I think she does- she’d probably want you to know from her.”

-

Unlike the police station, the hospital has more people in it now that Sunday morning has started. Seokjin accompanies Namjoon now that he can, already heading towards the room with Maria’s approval to the front desk that he could be a visitor. To be honest, he feels entirely too invasive in the moment, but his worry isn’t only bubbling but ready to boil over at not making sure Y/N is alive and not on her damn deathbed. 

It’s easy to spot the room from a distance, as Richard sits in one of the hallway chairs with his elbows on his knees in a bent position. Obviously, he is in an uncommunicative mood- even as Namjoon passes by him, he says nothing. Instead, he looks through the glass of the door to see Maria sitting on one of the visitor benches in the room, looking at the hospital bed that’s blocked from him by a curtain. With his presence, Maria looks to the door to find him without him having to knock. She hurries to meet them outside with the door shut behind her.

“I’m so glad to see you.” Maria says with such relief, wrapping him in an unfamiliarly tight hug. Without a second to think, she’s giving Seokjin one as well. “She’s not verbal at the moment. To be honest, she’s only been verbal to give her statement to the police.” She looks into the window even if she can’t see Y/N from it. 

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable being here-” It’s all Namjoon can think now that he’s actually here. He was really only her friend and someone that was with her only some hours of the day. “I just wanted to see how she was doing and-” He can’t just leave. God, no matter how out of place he feels being here, he can’t leave her right now. 

“Namjoon. You’re the only person she’s asked about.” 

“What? Why?” 

“She didn’t want to even mention you guys to the police. But, that would’ve been even more suspicious. So, she obviously told her whole story and- she asked if I could ‘let her know when Namjoon is questioned’. I’m guessing she was preparing for another devastating blow, because I told her this morning and she just broke down again.”

Of course she didn’t want any of them involved, just to keep them out of it, she’s willing to lie. 

“I think you should see her.” Maria says when Namjoon doesn’t respond. He looks to Seokjin in question, his hyung already knowing why. But, Seokjin only gives him a few reassuring nods and squeeze to his upper arm. 

The door shutting behind him finalizes the choice he made. He could turn back, he could leave knowing that Maria is here for her. But, just last night he thought the same thing- and it didn’t work out then. The pull towards her is too strong. 

Rounding the curtain gives him a view that’s a lot easier to process than he imagined. She’s curled up on her side with only her bun peeking out of the top of the blanket. She’s so small, even with her gaining weight and eating well- she’s still so small. His light steps don’t seem to stir her and he really doesn’t want to startle her, so his best shot is waiting, observing. 

A cushioned chair sits conveniently in front of the resting Y/N, Namjoon sits with light movements. He can finally see her eyes above the blanket covering her. Even like this he can already see a small healing cut next to her eye near her temple. He wants to know every part of her that was hurt- he wants to magically heal her of the wounds she was given, mentally and physically. 

It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to see Y/N take a few tentative sniffs above her blanket, eyes shooting open to land on Namjoon’s. 

Tears. It’s as if they were waiting to fall no matter what. He watches devastatingly with nothing to do. No sign of approval of his touch or words, no utter of his name- just tears. This was the final blow for him as well it seems. He can only say one thing. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, leaning closer to leave him less than a foot away from her. “I’m so so sorry.” Tears prick his own eyes, his wolf begging to touch, to soothe. His restraints are wearing thin as they just stare at each other. He has no queue to touch her, he has to wait and hope that she reaches out or just stays silent in her needs. He doesn’t even know if that’s what she needs, but he hopes she does. He hopes that he could be comforting for her, be here for her and calm her in some way. 

“I’m so sorry I left you there.” That's all he can say. Even more tears fall from her silently, begging for something. He’ll just need to pry like he usually does, he’ll do it forever if he needs to. 

“Is there something I can do for you?” 

“What if I hurt you?” It’s the quietest mumble of a question, somehow sounding clear despite her tears and the barrier of the blanket. 

“You won’t hurt me.” Namjoon says without even thinking, voice staying at a whisper. “What do you need? Do you need something from me?” He tries not to beg, but really anyone could hear it in his voice.

“I can’t.” 

“Can’t what?” Even without a response he’ll keep trying. He won’t make the same mistake. “Let me help you.” 

It's not an immediate response, but Y/N slowly reveals herself. Her blanket is pushed back to show simple clothing the hospital most definitely provided. He doesn’t mean to look, but the hospital shorts show purple bruises that randomly spot the top of her thighs. They're large- he tries to push away the thought of them looking like hands. 

She's asking in her movements as she slides closer to him, her legs dangling over the side of the bed now. He pays attention to her eyes, only her eyes as his peripheral catches more cuts and bruises that he's sure she doesn't want him to see. 

"Whatever you need." He says at her pause in movement. He takes the chance of guessing what she needs, opening his arms in an inviting gesture. 

Her silent tears turn to sobs just as her hand reaches out and takes a hold of Namjoon's extended hand. He closes his grip like it's a life line just as she does to him.

With slower movements than he'd like for himself but enough for her to not hurt herself more, she's finally showing what she wants. Climbing into his lap, legs bracketed around his thighs and body pressed into his finally. Finally she's in his arms- his own arms locked tight around her to keep her there. Her wet face and hurried breaths are pushed into his neck, as close as she can get. Finally, her tail wraps around him instead of squeezed around herself.

"I got you. I'm so sorry." He says over and over again like a mantra. 

-

Seokjin

He doesn't mind waiting for Namjoon, but the company isn’t the best. To be fair, he finally got some time in silence as Maria takes a phone call, but it's still a hospital- hospitals are never comforting.

"I know, yes I understand we'll have to come in and discuss- that's the protocol!?" 

Maria's frustrating outburst is more than enough to cause a few heads to whip her way. and this landing on Seokjin just a few chairs away. 

"Okay. Well, I don’t know when we’ll both be able to come in, maybe later today or tomorrow. Can I just call you back when we are able to come in?”

“Thank you, bye.”  She finishes her call and turns to sit right next to Richard who Seokjin really isn't comfortable sitting next to. Even if there is a spacer seat. Despite their whispered conversation, he can hear it. 

“The protocol for her case is immediate re-homing.” She whispers in a heartbreaking tone. “We could fight for her later on, but as of right now our house is deemed unsafe for her- for any future cases that may need a home.” 

With the pain in her voice, Richard is still silent. Seokjin almost wants to shake the man into some fucking sense. But, that’s only his instincts talking- he still has no idea what the story is. And now, he’s thinking about where Y/N will go. 

Somehow he already knows. 

-

Namjoon

Usually with Y/N attached to him, it’s hard to think properly. But now, with her safely in his arms, he’s thinking more and more about how to keep it this way. Despite that, dread fills him at the thoughts around the organization- he knows that Y/N can’t stay in that house, no matter what it was, she was hospitalized and there is police involvement. There is no way she’ll be able to stay in that house. He doesn’t even know if Y/N knows that yet. 

She had just gotten into a situation that was helping her and she finally had support that was pushing her towards a healthy life and healthy relationships. He couldn’t rid her of the friends she made when she loses a home as well. 

-

To be honest, Namjoon has no idea how long it has been since he's sat here, but Y/N has fallen asleep a while ago and Seokjin hasn't even tried to get a hold of him. 

Knowing that he needs to at least talk to Seokjin, Namjoon makes the hard decision to stand and gently detach Y/N from him. In her sleep she unapologetically reaches for him with greedy hands, unlike what she does in her waking state. He can't help but smile despite where they are and the unanswered things that happened. 

Slipping out to see Seokjin is a breath of fresh air he didn't realize he needed. He'd spend all day and night making sure she was comfortable, but it's still exhausting seeing someone you care about in such shambles. He'll be strong for her no matter what- and he'll be lucky to have others there for him. 

"How is she?" Seokjin's tired voice asks just across from her room door in the visitor seats. 

“She doesn’t want to talk- she doesn’t have any serious injuries. But she was comfortable with me, so that’s a start.” Namjoon says as he sits just next to Seokjin. “Where did they go?” He motions to the empty chairs that once held Maria and Richard. 

“They went to grab breakfast from the cafeteria.” Seokjin checks his phone just as he answers. “Taehyung has been begging me to let him come sit outside her room. I wish I felt comfortable with him coming, but I think it’d be bad if we had too many people here right now.” Namjoon knows that if Taehyung came then Jimin would want to come, and if Jimin came then Hoseok would feel obligated to come and keep watch over them. He can’t have that many people here right now. 

“It’s a good call, especially because we don’t know exactly what she needs or wants at the moment.” The silence stretches between them as if they’re both waiting to have this impending conversation. All it takes is one look to Seokjin for the fox to know exactly what he wants to say. 

“I heard Maria talking to Richard about the organization and what happens next, Namjoon. I already know what you’re going to say.” 

“It’s not immediate, especially not when she’s in the hospital, but-”

“But, this is not a conversation we should be having with just the two of us.” 

“You know I need you to know first right now, I need to know if this is something that would be possible.” 

“You would make it possible- I know you too well. I’ll let you figure out what you want to say, and what you need to tell the others. But- I’m on your side.” Seokjin gives him a light shoulder bump that lightens the mood just the slightest. 

“I didn’t hide anything from you or the pack.” Namjoon says suddenly, knowing that if he says to the pack what he wants to say, he wants his hyung to know that it wasn’t a long-awaited bomb-drop. “Anything I want to say when we talk to them, it’s not something I- I would never wait to say it in a time like this.”

“I know. I guess that was something I talked to Taehyung about and not you.” Namjoon gives him a questioning look. “Before I called you yesterday inviting Y/N, I talked to Taehyung about my worries. I let my fears get the best of me in times that I should have put Taehyung and you first. I don’t mind if you or him, or anyone, meets another person. We can’t control that- obviously, I mean we have a pack of seven. But, I will support you no matter what. I will take care of her as well, just as another part of the family.” 

“You’re making me emotional at the worst time.” Namjoon lets out a nervous laugh at the realization that his feelings aren’t just settled into his skin anymore. His feelings for Y/N aren’t just an afterthought when he’s around her- it’s now something that will be out into the universe to fuck him over. “I just want us all to be comfortable- and I just want her to have a home. That’s all she needs right now, I want to be that for her.”

Seokjin looks at him with something akin to pride. Namjoon tries to catch it for as long as possible. 

“If she’s okay with that, I will help you make that happen.” Seokjin says. 

-

Y/N

*

It feels like she’s suffocating- just as it did last night. Just as it felt when his hands were around her neck- on her legs, on her stomach, on her. All she can see is black, but there is the feeling of him here- a feeling of those few times when they tried to take advantage of her with no roof over her head and nowhere to flee to. They always gripped on tight, underestimating the strength her cheetah gives her. It’s not usually enough strength to completely fight them off, but it’s always enough to have enough time to run as far as she can. 

The darkness is pushing on her chest- just after having a dreamless sleep, a resting sleep- trying to pry things from her she would never give them. They don’t deserve it, it’s not for them. It gets harder and harder for her to breathe. In this darkness, she doesn’t even have anything to fight off, there’s no way out- there’s nothing she can do. 

“Y/N.”

‘No, leave me alone. Please.’

“Y/N.” 

‘Please. Please don’t touch me.’

“Y/N!”

Suddenly there is an actual hand on her arm. She was asleep and he had time to touch her when she couldn’t stop him. 

Her eyes shoot open to bright hospital lights, trying to move as quickly as she can to get away from the arm that touches her- trying to crawl up the bed and see who it is this time. 

Namjoon.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you were just having a nightmare.” His hands are in the air defensively. It’s just him and she’s fine but- why can’t she breathe? God, why can she still feel him on her. She can feel the weight of him on her chest, pressing all the air from her. 

“Y/N you need to breathe slowly. You’re going to make yourself pass out. Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth.” 

She’s trying. She doesn’t want to feel like this, she doesn’t want to be unconscious and vulnerable again. 

“Can I touch you? Can I help you?” 

Her response doesn’t leave her lips like she wants it, not when she’s gulping down air like this. Instead she’s scooting closer, trying to find relief in him again. She needs it, no matter how much she doesn’t want to rely on him. 

  His arms are immediately going to work. One slips behind her neck to find that magical muscle, the other pushes her frizzy curls from her face to pet at her hair with soothing words. 

“In through your nose and out your mouth. Just focus on this feeling. Focus on my voice. Give yourself something to pinpoint.” 

She can barely listen to him, but the feeling of him against her neck is hypersensitive. It seems his touch always is no matter how simple it is. It’s the only thing she can seem to focus on, her lungs filling at a rate that is less and less painful. 

*

“There you go. Look at me.” 

She does look up at him now that it hurts less to breathe. She's terrified she'll see pity, though with how everything has always gone for her, sometimes she wants it- craves attention even if it's with an aching heart and empty promises. This time she only sees her Namjoon. The wolf with kind eyes and an even kinder soul. He's looking down at her with such cherish that it completely distracts her from the panic that was eating her up.  

"Good. Do you feel better?" He wipes at her face, picking up wet stains that she didn’t even realize were there- but thanks to the scratch near her eye, the skin is sensitive. He's not even grossed out about how she looks or the things she can’t get a hold on yet. He’s so gentle no matter what she’s given him, no matter what he sees himself. 

“Yeah.” She gets out with a hoarse voice.  “I’m sorry.” She whispers after hearing her own voice. 

“Don’t be sorry, it was a nightmare- we all have nightmares.” That she can’t change, she’ll always have them. 

“I’m sorry you had to take care of me.” She specifies, looking away from him and not wanting to see that caring look on his face anymore. She doesn’t get far when the hand from her neck slides up to direct her face back to him. 

“I would not be here if I didn’t want to- I always want to care for you, no matter how it looks. Even if you need something small- something useless- it’s you so I’ll take care of it.” 

She can’t bear him saying this now. Y/N has believed him before, somehow a man has whittled his way into her mind and heart in ways she’d never thought was possible. But, him saying it as she looks like this and reacts like this- after she’s done something horrible- is unbearable. 

“Okay.” Is all she can say with a teary-eyed nod. If she looks at him any longer she’ll cry more than she has in the last couple days, so she turns away, and he finally lets her. 

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” He asks, changing the subject, doing her a favor without knowing. 

“There’s some water in the minifridge.” She replies slowly. Everything is still cloudy and annoying, but Namjoon never asked for irritation, so she'll be nice for now. He grabs one of the chilled water bottles and opens it for her with a satisfying click before handing it to her within seconds. 

“Are you hungry? Maria left some food for you, she’s waiting outside if you need her.” 

“I’m okay for now, just tired.” She says meekly. She looks up to find him assessing her with a gaze that seems a little too invasive. She can’t help but tell him more upon seeing the look. “I haven’t been able to sleep- with the nightmares.” She admits. 

“You seemed okay until I left you, I’m sorry. I needed to check in with Seokjin-hyung without letting him into the room.” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

Instead of any more easy conversation that they usually have, there’s silence that only seems to grow at what has been unsaid. They’re in a damn hospital for crying out loud. Namjoon literally got questioned by the police and she won’t feel safe for a long time. It’s all waiting to be spilled right here in this uncomfortable bed in the most uncomfortable room. 

“Did they tell you what happened?” 

“I should go and let Maria come in.”

They both speak at the same time. 

“What?” Y/N asks first, voice a little high in wanting. Why would he just leave suddenly? 

“Oh, no they didn’t tell me. I didn’t know if you’d want to so I did ask but, after some clarity of realizing that you’re okay, I just want to wait until you tell me as much as you want to give.” 

His response is like whiplash after his announcement of leaving, so instead she keeps the conversation on one topic. 

“I don’t want to tell you until I’m out of here. I hate it here.” She admits. Anything is better than the drabby shelters she’s been in and out of- and definitely better than the dried-up bridges she’d sleep under. But, this place always feels so cold and unwelcoming. It reminds her of her first visit to the hospital and seeing doctors for the first time. It was so invasive despite being needed- even if she was thankful, it was all so fast. 

“Whenever you want.” Is all he says in a voice that proves he’s just tip-toeing. 

“Why did you want to leave?” She finally asks. 

“Maria said you weren’t being verbal with her, so I just thought maybe you wanted to talk to her, especially because you haven’t seen her for a few hours. I just want you to be comfortable.” 

She could never get mad at him- she probably could in the right circumstance- so she just gives him a sigh that gives in to whatever he says. He’s right in a sense anyways. 

“Yeah I should talk to her, you should get back home to your pack anyways. I’m sure they’re worried about you.” She answers with honesty. She can’t keep him here away from them just because she doesn’t feel safe yet. Even if the only place she has felt safe is in his arms, she can’t burden him with that. 

“I’ll go let them know-”

“Just Maria.” She says far too quickly. 

“Okay, just Maria. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

He leaves with an air to him that was far more tentative than earlier. Where did it go wrong? What line did they cross that has them both walking on eggshells? It always feels so fine with him, airy and refreshing in a way that allows her to finally breathe and have no worries in the world. Why is it that it changes so quickly sometimes? What is being left unsaid that she’s too inexperienced or immature to realize? 

“Hey sweetie.” Maria comes in with the normal softness she had even before this happened. But this time, Y/N can tell that she’s been crying. Her eyes look tired, red-rimmed, and far too down-turned to just be a caring stare. 

“Hi.” 

“How are you feeling?” She asks, causing Y/N to place the blanket back over her body to stop the chill of the room from finding her unprepared. 

“I’m okay.” 

“That’s good.” She sits in the same chair Namjoon did when he first came to see her. Again, an edge of tentativeness creeps into her mannerisms. He hands fidget in her lap and her eyes begin to water again. Y/N immediately pushes forward at the sight. 

“I didn’t think it’d come to this. Ya’know I thought I could make a safe space for you. One where you’d never have to worry about getting hurt.” Her lip wobbles in a way that has Y/N’s own eyes watering up in response. “I’m so sorry this happened. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” It’s inevitable when flashes of last night creep into her mind. She closes her eyes, pushing them down and down until later when she can fight them on her own. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“I will take the blame, if it helps to take some of the blow.” 

“That’s not fair, you know that’s not fair.” Y/N almost pleads. 

“I knew there would be more consequences, if not directly made in my direction, definitely in yours when the organization paired us together. I mean- I knew there’d be legal proceedings that I’d have to handle that I really would do anything to get us out of, but I know they’d be hard on you. So, when the organization called earlier-”

Her choked sob that she swallows to keep going on has Y/N panicking now. Thankfully, it’s not enough to cause her the same panic as before, but it’s definitely enough to have her sitting up straighter, her ears perked and tail wrapped into an unbearably tight hold. 

“The hospitalization mixed with the police involvement isn’t taken lightly- as it shouldn’t be- but the organization has protocols in place. With our case, there will definitely be a rehoming done.” 

Y/N really didn’t know what exactly the protocol would be, other than the very few more common occurrences that the organization workers informed her of incase she needed to report them without the homeowners knowing. The shock of how quickly everything is moving has her completely blocking out Maria. She can’t comprehend just how awful it would be to transition to a new home in a time like this. She can’t fathom how Maria feels and- to be horribly honest- she’s worried about how Maria and Richard will cope with whatever it is they are exactly going to go through. Despite what she feels for Richard, she can’t help but feel like this was her fault. 

-

Namjoon

Stepping into the house after everything this morning is like walking into quicksand. The feeling of being pulled farther and farther into some irreversible thing is sickening. Not because of the unavoidable situation, but because of how many things could go wrong now. 

Taehyung is on him in seconds, trying his best to scent and pry answers out with pleading eyes and whimpers. 

“Let’s get everyone together and talk, so I only have to have this conversation once.” 

Luckily everyone is home, with some that have work schedules on the weekend- such as Yoongi who coaches kiddie basketball and had two early games this morning- it is hard to have everyone together before noon. But somehow it’s happened and he’s extremely lucky to see his pack all in one place. The events of today have made him so eager to make sure his pack is safe and home. Even if they all watch him with different levels of questioning eyes, he’d rather they be safe and expectant than not here at all. 

“So far, legally, it seems to be a clean case- though I still have no idea what exactly happened.” He’s speaking before he even realizes it, standing in front of everyone sitting and standing in the living room. 

“Y/N is…okay. She’s not comfortable in the hospital so she doesn’t want to tell me yet, but she’s just- she’s hurt yes. She’s bruised and scratched in ways that will heal, but it’s really just her mental state that can’t be healed measurably.” 

Namjoon seems to pause for no other reason than anxiety. He really didn’t think about this enough, this conversation in this circumstance. They’re all so patient as they wait, even Taehyung who has to be squeezed between Jimin and Hoseok to sit still. 

“When I introduced Y/N, it wasn’t with ulterior motives other than to help her build relationships. Yes, I was also interested in a friendship with her before this- that and the opportunity for Taehyung and her to have each other for their cheetahs was all I wanted. But, I have to be honest with myself. And with you all.” 

He gets a reassuring squeeze of his hand from Seokjin that makes him take a deep breath he didn’t know he needed. It’s never been him that brought up another potential pack member. It’s always one of his sociable mates that seem to be glued to someone or have a certain glow when they get home after a one-off encounter. He’s never minded it, he even welcomed it as long as they were a good fit for his home and all the people he cared about. But now, it feels like rejection is imminent. 

“Y/N is someone that unexpectedly made me feel so warm. Even if I was away from her, I always wished that she was thinking of me the way she thought of me and it’s- embarrassing honestly. Because I had just met her, and I wanted to get to know her faster than I thought was possible. I didn't want to say it in this context, I didn't want it to feel rushed and unprepared because I really do care about you guys and your opinions more than anything, but I also really care about her- in a way that feels filled with potential." 

"Hyung." Jimin suddenly speaks up, catching Namjoon's attention immediately. 

"I don't mind- I don't think any of us mind that you found someone you're interested in. I think it's obvious we enjoy having a big family- and Y/N was so sweet. But…this only feels rushed because it sounds like you have something else to propose." Jimin says while a few others in the pack nod at his addition. Namjoon can only give a heavy sigh before proceeding. 

"I'm sorry this happened this way- I will do it another time. When things hopefully work out or fall apart. I promise I'll come back to this. But, the most important part to discuss is- because of this incident, Y/N will need to be rehomed as soon as she's out of the hospital and ready. Until then she'd be in a shelter that's far too cramped."

"Namjoon, are you saying that someone we met once is to be rehomed with us?" Yoongi asks, using a tone that proves this conversation is not going to go as smoothly as planned.  

"I'm not stating or implying it's underway. It's something I am suggesting that we talk about the possibility that our home is a safe place that she needs until she can get her feet on the ground or wherever it takes us. But, for now, a safe home."

"I want her here." Taehyung states without looking at any of the others.

"I'd love to hear more thoughts." Namjoon almost pleads. 

"Is she even going to feel safe here?" Hoseok asks, looking wearily at the pack around him.

"I still have to talk to her after this, but I want her to at least have options. Her here, safe in this house, would be the best for her- other than that I'll have to figure it out if you guys aren't comfortable."

"She's really nice, and I felt okay around her. I know you guys make me feel safe. I want her to have that as well." Jungkook speaks up, seeming to have an overall effect on the group. Reminding everyone that they've done this before. 

They've taken Jungkook in when the shelter kicked him out and in his attempts to flee he ended up hiding in their backyard as a bunny, nibbling on Seokjin's plants to get some type of food. He wouldn't shift for weeks, and it had Taehyung so perplexed by the little bunny's tolerance for lack of skin to skin contact. 

"If we all agree, how would we care for her? She's not going to feel safe automatically, and she's going to need care that we aren't familiar with yet." Yoongi says logically.

"I work from home and will take full responsibility for her. I just want everyone to feel comfortable with her and for her to have a place to heal and keep her relationships. I want everyone to be okay with that before going through."

There's a thoughtful silence, before Seokjin speaks, starting the final decisions. 

"I will help Namjoon take care of her, I enjoyed her company and I think that it's best to help others when we're so closely presented the opportunity to- no matter what it leads to."

"I still think the same. She'll be safe here, it's what's best, especially since she's a cheetah." Jungkook agrees again.

"I want her here." Taehyung plainly says again.

"I think her safety at the moment would be best, and Namjoon's judgment is the reason he's the pack leader. I trust you, Joonie-hyung." Jimin adds.

"I agree, and she was sweet and seemed like she needed us to bring her out of her shell, I think she could thrive with hybrids." Hoseok joins. 

Everyone seems to turn and look at Yoongi at the same time, knowing that his disapproval changes the whole situation. Namjoon would come up with something else if he didn't want her to stay with them, he's okay with that as long as he can provide something for her. 

"I trust you Joon-ah, I told you I don't think you'd ever hurt us. You know I'm just protective of our peace. As long as we can deal with everything as a pack, not just you and her with her needs and changes in behavior- I'm down. We are a pack, we act like one, even if she's not an official member yet." 

Namjoon holds onto that 'yet', all the agreements, and the hope he has that Y/N takes this home into consideration.

-

Y/N

“Alright miss L/N, I’ll be your attorney in any possible cases that may be opened for testimonies and questioning. At the moment, there is enough evidence for detectives and a judge to have a tight self-defense case- but Leonord’s wife could sue for a few reasons and that is her choice, so in those cases I will be defending you free of charge through the re-homing organization. Sounds good so far?” 

The lady is quite nice, despite having to sit in the most uncomfortable chair and being in another bright room. Y/N is just happy to have information on everything when it seems no one wanted to tell her anything. She’s still getting flashbacks to last night, to how similar it was to those other times- the only difference being the confidence she was able to obtain having healthy relationships and a roof to live under. 

“Sounds good. But- I have a question.” 

“Of course.” 

“Do you know anything about the re-homing situation?” 

“Legally, the organization has to immediately extract you from the home you were in where the incident happened. Even if this was a random incident, or if there was a happenstance that was not the homeowner’s fault or cause- the organization has to deem that home unsafe and thus wants to keep the hybrid’s wellbeing in mind above all.” 

“Don’t people have to know about what I did when getting information to home me?” The lady gives her a flash of pity at that, immediately causing Y/N’s stomach to drop. 

“Yes, the potential homes will need to know why you are being re-homed with as much information as legally available. But, you case is not-” 

She cuts her off after she gets her answer, zoned out to think about all the ways she would be perceived in a time like this. She wouldn’t be re-homed. She’d end up in another shelter that has hybrids packed in like prison cells. She’d have to figure out who is safe and who’s not based solely on looks and conversations she’d rather not have at all. 

“Miss L/N?” The attorney says, finally pulling Y/N’s attention onto her again. 

“Sorry, I’m listening.” 

“I have questioning records containing a Kim Namjoon? You know him personally, correct?” 

“Yeah, he’s from the organization, we’re…friends. I was visiting him and his pack yesterday before I was driven home and-” She stops, knowing that the attorney knows everything already. 

“I work with him, through the law firm. He’s in charge of hybrid cases in our offices, specifically for hybrid shelters.” 

“Okay.” 

“I would talk to him about information in the re-homing process.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I think he’ll have more information for you that will help you in the process.” She gives her a small smile that she can’t even figure out in the context. 

“Sure.” Is all she can say, confused and temples pounding from everything I’ve had to process in the past 24 hours. 

-

‘Wanna have dinner together?’ 

Y/N stares at the confusing text from Namjoon. He does remember that she’s in the hospital, right? The fleeting thought of Namjoon sending this to another girl has reeling into more thoughts that make the first one not so fleeting. Just to make sure he’s not insane right now, she answers. 

‘Yeah.’ 

It takes no time for her hospital room door to open and Namjoon to already be waltzing in with a bag of goodies she can’t pinpoint but can smell. And god, do they smell good. By the time he's up close and opening the bag she can't help but pinpoint her focus on the food he's pulling out rather than whatever he's saying. He finishes opening the containers with a little wave of his hands and pride on his face.

"Seokjin made everything, it's still warm since he just made it, but I thought I'd share it with you." 

"What if I had said no?"

"I would've left the food and went on my way after checking up on you. Either way you're fed and I'm happy."

"I'm starting to see how much you and Taehyung have in common." Y/N states, giving him a small smile that in turn stops Namjoon in his tracks for some reason. 

"Yeah, we, uh, we were the first of the pack. We found each other in a shelter." Namjoon says, taking his container of perfectly portioned foods and starts to eat. 

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it was only a few years ago that I finally got out of there thanks to the organization. There's a lot more to talk about, but, yeah we were the first."

"The organization? You were-"

"A case? Yeah. I was in a shelter for a year, the longest they kept predators like me. The organization puts money into those in the shelters that are about to be kicked out to fend for themselves. I got lucky, extremely lucky. I met Taehyung in there and promised him I’d be back no matter what. I worked to push away all my hate for humans and what they’d done to those like me- I worked alongside them and was able to carve a place for myself in society. It took me almost exactly a year, but Taehyung is a year younger than me so I was able to get to him in time. Well, perfect timing- because his time as a predator was also up and instead of having to pay a large sum to a shelter that definitely didn’t deserve it I was able to just show up on the day he was released by them with nothing provided for his survival. I had my own little apartment by then and was able to afford to regularly donate to the organization. I scored an amazing job with lots of training, and with Taehyung’s help I was able to shut down that shelter and rehome all those inside of it. Sadly, a lot went to the organization’s shelters. But, they’re the best bet they have, really. They got the care they needed there, nonetheless.” 

Hearing Namjoon’s story for the first time clicks things into place that seemingly weren’t as snuggly fit in as she thought they were. His kindness towards her no matter how she acted towards him, the amount of time and effort he put into volunteering and thus her, and the amount of truth behind his words when he voices his thoughts and concerns for her. It all finally presses into the crevices that were ready to fall apart in time of being disappointed. It’s as if a glowing hue of blue settles around him as she stares at him, watching him eat, watching him move. It’s odd to feel this way about someone, when she never had the luxury to even ‘like’ a person before. Now, she feels something deep in her gut- something that wants her to memorize every piece of him, every little breath and quirk of his features. 

“What’s that look for?” Namjoon asks with an amused smile, pulling her out of the trance. But, it’s not a trance when that safe aura sticks to him even when she’s paying attention to the mundane current happenings. 

“I don’t know.” She says honestly- she has no clue what it all means. But how awful would it feel if it ended? “You’re just, admirable.” 

“I just wanted to do my best for him and myself.”

“That’s hard for a lot of people.” She says, mostly referring to herself. 

“Nah, people just don’t give themselves enough credit. We’re all here just trying to live and search for something fulfilling.” Namjoon shoots back. 

“Yeah. I guess.” Her heart clenches at his words. Fulfilling. Whatever she has with him could just be fulfilling, thus it’s a reason for her to keep trying.

“Namjoon.” She tries to get his attention. He only looks up at her in question. 

“I met an attorney. One that mentioned she works with you.” She stirs around her still uneaten rice and veggies to get some courage to go on. “She told me to ask about the rehoming situation? Do you know why?” 

His look alone is enough to tell her he does, but he doesn’t immediately say anything. 

“I, uh, yeah-” he sets down his bowl of food before going on, preparing himself for something that she’s suddenly scared to find out. “I contacted her earlier today. That’s honestly, probably, why she got to talk to you so quickly. I kinda- Well I kinda asked her what the process would be like to suggest a home for you that isn’t on the official list, but is home to a volunteer.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know if there’s any perfect way to suggest this, but- I knew about the protocol the organization has in place for something like this, and I knew you would need to be rehomed. I’m in a position where I could- help.” He pauses before finishing. “Well, we could, my pack.” 

“Namjoon.” She can’t get anything else out. 

“I talked to them after leaving this morning. I just needed to discuss it and make sure that this was something that they were all okay with, and we are a large family so it needs to be well-conversed. They all are okay with it, and I know it’s going to take a ton of effort and planning and consideration on my part- I’m not taking this lightly at all. That’s the only reason I contacted her so fast, I just wanted to make sure that this was something that could be done before even bringing it up to you. I don’t want to ever give you false hope or feel like you can’t trust me or what I say- so I’ve really thought about it and all the guys have as well. We could share our home with you if you’d like. I’d like you to be a part of it.”

She can’t tell if it’s a feeling of instant relief, so quickly having left her body that she’s nauseous- or she’s just nauseous in general over the thought of her actually having this option. It could also be the fact that Namjoon truly cares with his whole being, it feels like. Living with his damn pack after a police investigation done on her that had him questioned. Living with his pack after meeting them once and sharing little awkward conversations. Living with his pack of seven guys that all seem to be totally okay with it. It’s the first that drives her the most mad. 

“You don’t even know what I did.” 

“You said you didn’t want to tell me right now. I respect that- and I trust you, Y/N.”

“Why? Why would they all agree and why-” She can’t even comprehend the consideration they’re taking. 

“In the most basic way possible- we are hybrids that have been in shit positions before, they all vary and they all have their own story to tell, but we care about each other no matter what. We know what it’s like to not have anyone, or to finally find someone and try to lock onto them to keep safe and protected. It’s the animal in us that needs to form a pack, and that isn’t something as simple as human words can tell. It feels right- having you around.” 

If he tells it in that way- animal instincts and such- it makes more sense. But it still doesn’t excuse the human part of her that did what it did. Hell, she’s sure her cheetah played a large role in what she did. Right now, though, she wants to hold onto this hope, and she wants to have something that isn’t just temporary or pity-filled. This is the best choice she has, being safe in the pack home, with Namjoon and Taehyung especially. She’ll have a chance to learn more about her cheetah more often and she can finally learn about other hybrids. If anything, Namjoon will hear what she did and will decide against keeping her there, and then she can figure it out. But for now, she has a chance to be safe. That’s all she wants right now. 

“I have another deal to make.” 

“Lemme hear it.” 

“If I accept and you hear what I’ve done and you change your mind afterwards-” Namjoon looks as if he’ll speak but she gives him a pointed look. “If you change your mind, then I will find an alternative through the system and deal with my own consequences accordingly. If I accept and you hear what I’ve done but feel as though it doesn’t change your comfort, then I will need something to do. I can’t live with you for free as someone who’s not a part of the pack. Whatever you decide that fits my schedule, I will help around the house.” 

“As pack leader-” Namjoon holds out his hand for her to grab onto, his warmth immediate and addicting. “You have a deal.”

[rodri11421]

I finished A Clash of Kings yesterday. It was a great book, better than the first one in my opinion.

S tier - Prologue

An incredible introduction to the story and to team Dragonstone.

A tier - Bran, Sansa, Catelyn and Theon

I really liked Sansa's chapters last book, so it wasn't surprising that I found myself enjoying her storyline for this one. However, what WAS surprising was the outstanding improvements I saw in Catelyn and Bran's POVs.

Catelyn's grief, her views on the war, on how her teenage son is being swallowed by the king in the North, a ruler who will not ransom back the kingslayer for his sisters... It was just incredible. The addition of more characters from house Tully was a vital choice to flesh out Catelyn even more, with Edmure and especially Hoster enriching her tremendously.

Bran simply had a more involved storyline, lol. His whole internal conflict of needing to appear strong and competent while being looked down upon for being disabled was really interesting. I also found his refusal to accept magic (going as far as to lock Summer and Shaggy within the Godswood. A complete and utter refusal) to be a great choice to make his eventual mastery of his powers more satisfying. His supporting cast was also very good

Theon was not a nice person to read about, but he was definitely a fascinating character. It is within his contradictions that he truly shines: his love for Winterfell's people even as he invades their land (or rather, how he invades their land BECAUSE of his love for them); his relationship with his family (the Greyjoys in general, really. Very intriguing of GRRM to make the crazier factions the one who bemoan the loss of their harmful old ways and talk how they need to make everything great again... I wonder if he's trying to make some type of commentary here 🤔)... Now, his whole plan to lay siege on Winterfell was more than a little farfetched and the whole... thing with Asha in his second chapter wasn't necessary, I think, but Theon was a great POV overall.

B tier - Davos, Arya, Jon and Tyrion

These chapters were good, just not great like the ones above. Davos would be the worst of them if not for the part where he had an incredible conversation with Stannis and sails for Storm's End with Melissandre. That was incredible.

(Also, I'm not sure I get why Arya didn't just tell the northmen who she was after taking back Harrenhall. If someone could explain to me, I would really appreciate it).

C tier - Daenerys / SSS+ tier - Daenerys

Now, I felt that Daenerys was really boring overall. Her chapters were few and far in-between I wasn't feeling like her narrative was moving forward very much. The fact that she's so disconnected from the rest of the cast definitely doesn't help.

Then, there was the House of the Undying chapter.

Is this going to be a pattern through the series? Is Daenerys going to have okay chapter after okay chapter only for one of her last chapters in the book to just... Blow me away completely?

I really loved how magical that chapter was, how much foreshadowing there is, how many elements can be found that I cannot wait to sink my teeth into.

Now, if only I found the rest of her storyline more entertaining... Oh well, if Bran and Catelyn improved so much in one book, Dany can most definitely do the same!

[tirisghost]

I don’t think I’ve ever really posted my writing on here, or at least not in a while. But I thought I might as well post this because why not?

It doesn’t really have a name or anything yet, it was written in maybe an hour tops because inspiration struck when I was thinking about some stuff in my own life lol.

Tw// abuse/implied abuse

=====================================

Yes, it fucking hurt when I fell from heaven; what did you expect? It’s a really long drop. This place isn’t really that far from hell, and it’s sinking.

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. Just like with humans, angels can have plenty of issues. We aren’t the perfect beings you might think. There’s a lot of really, really bad angels. And I’m probably one of them, at least some of the time. I deserved what happened.

Before I fell, one of my favorite things to do was fly. It was freedom. It was something I could find no other way, with how trapped I felt at home.

I was alone. My home was unsafe and the people didn’t really care about me. I’m sure that was for a reason. I’m sure had I flown away less and done what they wanted more, and better- maybe it would have been okay. I wouldn’t have been so alone.

But flying helped. Sure, it would have been nicer to just have a nice family. Sure, it would have been better to just become a better person. But… I don’t really know. It was nice while I could.

When I was down, I would fly. The wind and the light, so close to the beginning of everything and the furthest I could get from hell far below, where I could almost touch the top of the universe far above it all… it was perfect. It was a refuge.

The one place I could let go of my fears, and the one place I couldn’t go often, because of- things in my family that I won’t go into. I don’t want to add to the pain you must already go through, here on this planet so far from the perfection many strive for.

One day, I couldn’t go anymore at all. My family found out what I had been doing. They discovered how I had been escaping. I was theirs to do with as they wished, I was their offspring. So I did, for a while. They watched me closely, making sure I didn’t leave.

One day I saw a chance again. One day I tried it.

That was the day I lost my wings. Had them ripped from me. They had said I couldn’t. They had already warned me of the consequences. But I didn’t listen. I needed that escape, that moment outside of the pain, too badly.

So I flew. I didn’t even make it out of our home. I didn’t even make it to the door. I didn’t even manage to go even a little way into the sky which I loved so much.

They told me no. I did it anyways. I faced the consequences. I always faced the consequences. Sometimes, for nothing. But they had never hit me where it hurt so much before. They ripped away the part of me that let me be myself.

I couldn’t escape. Now I would have no chance. No choice.

That day, the despair became too much. So I fell. On purpose. I’m here, now. It hurt. To fall. It hurt to see how little they really cared. But now, even so much closer to hell, I have something I didn’t there.

Yes, I miss flying. I miss it like a fish would miss swimming. I miss it like a spider would miss weaving it’s beautiful, delicate web. I miss it like a flower would miss its bright colors. Flight was part of my purpose. A portion of who I am. So yes, I miss it.

But here I have… friends. People who don’t treat me how my family did. How I probably deserved. How I still treat myself. But they care about me.

I don’t know if any of them know I was an angel. I don’t know if any of them have seen the scars on my back, still fresh and painful as if it was yesterday. But they care. Even without the full me. Even with how broken I am. Even though I’ll never fly again. Even though I cannot be fixed. Even though I’m not deserving of any of it. They still are.

I may be so much closer to hell… but it’s almost like I’ve found heaven.

Maybe falling isn’t what hurt so much as giving up on ever receiving love. Maybe flying isn’t what felt good, so much as finding that love for myself. Maybe flying never felt as good as this does. Maybe, finally, I can be happy sometimes. Even if I don’t deserve it.

[jadedrrose]

Strange Connections - ch. Six

The aftermath of the previous night where you were certain you’d die; Then a small outing to the market where Levi gifts you something, causing your feelings for him to only grow.

Warnings: none that I can think of. Sorry this took so long to put out…. Law has me in a chokehold lol (and I promise I wont give up on this!!!)

It had only been a few mere hours since the incident out on your street. 

You were still asleep in bed, by some miracle. That’s what Levi thought, anyway. Assuming this was the first time you’d witnessed a murder, he wasn’t sure how you were able to sleep so easily. 

But then again, he had to remind himself how entirely drained you looked before he’d sent you off to bed. Your pretty eyelashes fluttered as you struggled to keep your eyes open, the way you tried to hide your yawn from him. Levi cursed himself for this, but he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t find it… cute. And then when he saw you in your bed clothes was the moment he knew he couldn’t keep denying it much longer. It was only a tank top and some shorts, but something about seeing you so exposed shook Levi to his core. 

At the moment, he was in your bathroom wringing out the clothes he’d soaked right after you’d gone to sleep. There was nearly no trace of blood or dirt on any of the pieces. He decided that he was content with how clean they were and pinned them up on the clothing line that hung above your bathtub. 

Exiting the bathroom, Levi now found himself yawning. He was rarely this tired. Normally he could run off of only a couple of hours of sleep like it was no big deal, but tonight was different. 

It felt wrong, for some reason, to sleep on your couch. Like he was invading your space or privacy somehow, even after you’d begged him to stay. He opened up the old chest for the second time that night and found one other blanket and an old pillow. You’d mentioned Cass staying over before. Perhaps that’s why you kept extra pillows and blankets? How thoughtful of her.

Levi took the blanket but left the pillow. He wouldn’t need it. It was cold though, especially when he didn’t have a spare shirt to wear while the one he’d worn over dried, so he wrapped the blanket around his upper body. Leaning against the back of the couch, Levi allowed himself to sleep; a rare occurrence for him, to sleep so easily.

—

You were awakened by the sound of something brushing against the floor repeatedly. Your room that had been pitch black when you’d fallen asleep now had a single candle lit, giving you just enough light to look around. Had Levi lit it?

Rising up, you stretched out a little and took a couple steps to the door, opening it to find the entire apartment still lit up. Taking a few more steps to exit the short hallway that contained your room and bathroom, you turned to see Levi sweeping the floor on your left. 

“Was it that dirty?” You embarrassingly asked, feeling as though you’d failed to live up to his standards of cleanliness. 

“Not really, no,” he replied. “Just a bit of dirt dragged in from last night,” he looked up at you.

Noticing the way his lips parted when seeing you, and you seeing him still shirtless, you tore your eyes away with haste. This was too much. Here you stood in just your night clothes, and Levi only wearing pants. You felt your heart pounding within your chest, blood rising to your cheeks.

“O-oh.” 

You looked around your home, seeing how cleaned up it was. “Did you… clean everything?”

“Somewhat, yeah,” Levi confirmed. “The dust was bothering me.”

You didn’t respond, instead going over to your small kitchen and observing it. Everything that you had organized before forgetting to keep up with it, had been put back in their correct spots. The counters were spotless and clean of anything, the sink not looking as rusty as it had yesterday. 

“Sorry about the mess,” you said. “I didn’t expect that you’d be coming over…”

“Don’t worry about it.”

You needed more of a distraction. “Um… should I make us breakfast?” 

When you looked over to see Levi’s response, you noticed he looked… bashful. Like what you’d said was so intimate.

Perhaps it was, though. In what other setting would a woman be making food for her and the man in her home? And combined with how you were both so casually dressed, practically exposed to each other? Yeah... It  definitely felt like it had a different meaning.

Disregarding the thought, you began cooking a small breakfast after he nodded in response to your question.

—

It was time to go to the market again. After making the meal for you and Levi, you’d noticed how you had hardly anything left. You dreaded even the thought of going.

And then Levi volunteered, again. He’d told you to get dressed and meet him at the door. 

You chose to wear a dress today. The skirt was a pinkish-brown color, with a normal white blouse underneath the dress’ matching corset. And you didn’t miss the way Levi’s eyes seemed to widen when you emerged from your room.

“You… have a lot of clothes for someone down here,” he stated, clearly trying to suppress his emotions from showing.

“I guess so,” you agreed. “Most of it was my mother and sister’s, and I just tried doing a little work to make them look newer after I… inherited them, I guess.”

Levi didn’t say anything, but you could see on his face that he felt sorry. 

You were just about to open the door when he stopped you.

“Y/n, do you have any clue what the back of your corset looks like?” He asked in a scolding manner.

“H-huh?! What do you mean?”

“It’s tied awfully,” he honestly spoke.

“It is?! I can’t really see it when I tie it, s-so…”

When you felt his hands on your back, his soft fingers quickly untying the laces, you gasped. You were incredibly happy that he couldn’t see your face right now, because it was a dead giveaway. You could feel your cheeks burning, eyes remaining wide as he continued working on the corset. 

You were so flustered from just the fact that he was fixing your corset that you hadn’t even reacted when Levi had pulled on the laces, getting the corset perfectly fitted around your waist. 

“D-do you have some weird experience in tying corsets?” You dumbly asked, running a hand over your face as if it would get rid of the evident blush.

“No. It’s the same as tying boots, isn’t it?”

“I-I guess so,” you couldn’t help the stutter now. His actions had completely stunned you.

After another moment, you felt Levi’s hands slip off of your back and he joined your side at the door. 

“Ready?” He asked.

All you could do was nod, biting down on your lower lip.

—

Why the hell had he done that?! Levi had never acted so boldly in his life, not even when he’d killed people in front of a crowd as a kid. By his standards, at least…

He kept trying to pin it on his desire for everything to be neat. The corset had been tied very poorly, and the whole thing just looked so uneven and disorderly. Of course it would eat at him, bug him every time he looked at your back.

But to just start fixing it without asking? Levi felt like a fool. An idiot, even. When he processed what exactly he was doing a couple seconds after he started, Levi was baffled by his own actions. He spent the entire time trying to pretend like he wasn’t melting on the inside. 

And worst of all was that you didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. After he’d touched you like that without asking. In fact, you’d even thanked him after a couple moments of awkward silence had passed. 

But even now, after everything that had happened between the two of you, Levi continued to deny his feelings. Or at least, he tried to. But it was becoming clear, even to him, that he didn’t just like you. He was falling for you.

Reaching the market, Levi looked up at you. That nervous look was back on your pretty face, evident that you were still worried about the recent killings. Especially after last night. He couldn’t blame you, really.

But Levi felt strangely upset. Like every disgusting man down in this shit-hole who looked at you with a suspicious look deserved to die. The thought finally occurred to him; Levi decided right then and there that he would protect you no matter what. Even if it killed him, or cost others their life.

“You need a new dagger,” he suddenly said, catching your attention.

“How’d you know I lost it?” You asked, an eyebrow raised.

Great. Now you thought he was a stalker, for sure.

“I-I found it last night. I don’t know what it was, but I felt a weird urge to follow you, like something was wrong.”

“…right,” you mumbled confusedly, waiting for him to continue.

“I didn’t mention it to you. But I saw it on the ground outside the tavern.” He finished.

“Why didn’t you say so?” 

“I got too distracted, especially after I heard you yell for me… sorry,” he explained.

“It’s alright, it was a shitty old thing anyways,” you let a small smile show. “But I do need something new now, hm?”

“I’ll buy you something,” Levi offered. “As long as it isn’t outrageously expensive, I’ll pay.”

“You don’t need to do that, Levi-“

“Let me,” he cut you off. “Please.”

You didn’t respond, so Levi took that as you saying it was fine. There was a stall that sold weapons just down the road. Deciding to take you there, he gently nudged you in the arm and nodded, signaling for you to follow him.

—

You couldn’t believe it. Levi was buying you a weapon of your choice? Was this his strange way of telling you that he liked you? 

No, of course not. Get over yourself.

Upon arrival at the stall, you looked over all the knives and daggers available. It was hard to decide what would be best, especially when you knew next to nothing about them.

But something caught your eye. A set of two larger daggers. The handles were a deep red, black fabric wrapped around the part you’d grip it at. The blades had curves with sharp edges. It looked incredibly dangerous but still pretty.

You liked it.

“Are these any good?” You asked Levi, pointing to the set. 

“Twin daggers? Yeah, I’d say so,” he answered. “But you probably don’t know how to handle them.”

Ouch. He didn’t need to insult you, even if it was true. Or… was it even an insult? Maybe Levi just saw it as a simple statement, given everything else he’d said or done. You knew he interacted with others differently, and to him, it was normal.

“No, but you could teach me, right?” 

Levi paused. “Y-yeah.”

And so they became yours. 

After Levi was finished paying for them, you continued shopping for some grocery items. 

Even after a good fifteen minutes passed, you still felt warm and fuzzy on the inside. Before, you’d been so convinced this man was truly just the cold-blooded murdering thief you’d been told about. And yet with you, he was entirely different. You wondered if he’d ever shown this side of himself to anyone else, but found it hard to believe he had considering how awkward he could be at times. He was so kind to you, it made your heart melt. Feelings you’d never felt let alone shown to anyone were brought up within you all because of him. 

Every time the back of your hand grazed against the daggers that were now strapped to your thigh, you’d just be reminded of what he’d done for you all over again. Your face would grow warm, you’d feel slightly dizzy, and then you’d shake it off and remind yourself that he was watching before a dumb smile would rise to your lips.

You glanced his way to see how closely he was watching, if he was at all. His gray eyes stared dead ahead, flicking between all directions. He must have been keeping an eye out for anyone suspicious. But he hadn’t looked at you…

“Quit staring at me,” he muttered, not even turning to look at you directly. 

How had he known?! He hadn’t even looked at you!

“S-sorry,” you stuttered out, “it’s just… I feel indebted to you. You’ve done so much for me…”

“Don’t feel that way,” Levi said, “I’m only trying to help you… protect you.”

There it was, again. The warm blush on your soft cheeks. “I just want to thank you, somehow.”

Levi hummed, but didn’t respond any further than that. 

–

There was one way you were certain you could do well enough to thank him; and that was to cook something for him. You’d expected him to return home after going through the market with you, but instead he’d come back to your home with you. Not that you were complaining, though.

You pulled the freshly baked bread out of the oven, slicing a couple pieces off and setting it next to the fried greens on the plate you’d prepared for him. With his usual cup of tea in hand too, you placed the meal onto the table before him.

“I want to thank you, somehow,” you started. “So I… did my best on this meal.”

Levi observed the food on the plate, looking it over. For just a second, something flashed on his face. If you hadn’t been staring so intently or even so much as blinked, you would’ve missed it. A smile, of all things, is what you saw. It was so small and short lived you almost thought you’d hallucinated it. 

But, knowing he’d get embarrassed over it, you decided to refrain from commenting on it. Instead, you’d take it as a personal win, letting the image replay over and over again in your mind.

As he began eating, you went back to the counter and made a plate for yourself and joined him. 

You would’ve been lying if you said you weren’t stealing glances at him, once again. Only this time, you’d caught him doing the same. And at this realization, a little thought crossed your mind. Perhaps… he felt similarly to you? Surely, he had to care for you in some capacity to admit to wanting to protect you; but… were his feelings actually as deep as your own? 

You desperately wanted the answer, but knew you’d only be able to tell with time. For now, you smiled to yourself and brought another forkful of food to your lips, holding onto hope that you and Levi could one day become more than whatever your relationship was now. 

[maple-writes]

WHG 19: Training part 1

whg tag list: @concealeddarkness13 @pen-of-roses @ratracechronicler @knmartinshouldbewriting @clocksandchaos @forthesanityofsome

this will likely end up being a few chunks and I wanted to break it up as to not throw a whole wall of text at everyone lol

---

The bed they gave me in the tower was too soft. I didn’t want to get up in the morning even when the sun started shining through the floor to ceiling windows, reflected off the glass off all the other buildings around it. But it wouldn’t do me any good to lay here much longer. I only had a week to learn everything that I would need to survive with.  

I found Asher in the living room with a coffee and tired eyes. Slow to react vulnerable he doesn't know I'm here tired tired weak and easy. I swallowed and stopped a few feet from the couch. “Good morning.”

He turned with a weak smile. “Morning.” He didn’t seem to think it was a good morning and I didn’t blame him. “Come sit down.”  

I sat across from him on the other couch, sinking into the cushions. “You look like you’ve been up for a while.” 

He nodded, sighing and leaning back. “I have.” He took a sip of his coffee. “I’m not sure what kind of approach we should take to all this.” 

“Me neither.” As far as I knew neither of us had done anything like this before so why would either of us know what we were supposed to do? “Do you think I should try and make the others scared of me?” 

Asher made a face and shook his head. “Probably not. I don’t think you should give them a reason to remember you.” He took another drink of his coffee. “It might not hurt to make some friends though.” 

This time I made a face. How was I supposed to make friends with the very people standing between me and survival? It didn’t make any sense. None of this did really.  

“I mean, you don’t have to be friends but it might not be a bad idea to get to know some of them.” Asher took one last drink of his coffee and set it down, reaching to place it on the coffee table close enough I could grab him and pull him over and—”You might have more of an idea of what to expect that way? I don’t know. You could always just go and see what happens.” 

That might not be a bad idea, at least at first. Get a lay of who else is out there, what there is to learn and go from there... It might almost be fun. For now anyway.  

“So, I’ll go and check things out and then, I don’t know, go with my gut?”  

Asher shrugged. “That’s more of a plan than I have.” He paused, then checked his watch. “I’ve got to call someone, and then later there’s some kind of social for the tribute’s teams. I’ll see if I can find anything useful out there for you.” He paused before leaving me, softening just a little. “Good luck out there.” 

“Thanks.”  

He turned, and left. Get him now he’s not watching you he can’t see you he turned his back again how foolish can he be—I sighed and stood too. It was almost eleven. Most of the tributes had probably started their training hours ago. I was already behind.  

The training hall was noisy and I did not like that. At least it wasn’t the same kind of noisy as the reaping, or the chariot ride. This was... Functionally noisy. No one was making loud and pompous sounds just for the fanfare of it all. It was serious here. No glitter or costumes just tributes sizing each other up and trying their best to learn how to survive on nothing.  

There seemed to be a mix of people this year. I eyed the others as I made my way through the arena. There was a girl with funny looking ears, another that seemed to be dotted with stray sparkles that hadn’t washed off from yesterday who seemed to already have an alliance with the other tribute at her side, another sparring with a trainer while ignoring the weapons in favor of biting hard on his arm while the other tried in vain to pry her off. I liked her but would have to avoid her in the arena. Another tribute kept to the darker corners and avoided my—and everyone else's—gaze as she crept along the edges and avoided as many people as possible. Probably not a threat. One of the tributes was a child no older than 10. Probably not a threat but something about her suggested I might not want to test that theory with my life on the line.  

Most of them didn’t seem to have much more of a plan than I did. Most didn’t seem to want to be there either so we had that in common at least.  

Other than watching the other competitors, I wasn’t sure what to do next. There were a lot of stations and only a weeks' worth of time before the test at the end and more importantly, the games. I didn’t know any of these people enough to risk asking them about anything yet. Anything I said to the wrong person could be a mistake, they could use it against me and that would be the end for me. No, better to keep to myself at least for now. Maybe I’d ask Asher to look into the others and make some suggestions. He seemed to have a good sense about people.  

For now I found a station quizzing on poisonous plants. It was a good a place to start as any.  

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Smoke! I went to Mom’s house, and when I opened the door I ran into a wall of smoke. I couldn’t even see the window at the top of the stairs. For a moment all the possibilities rushed through my head. Considering the house doesn't have electricity or heat, and there was no thunderstorm, my brain still went to fire. Arson. Like the time the kids from the shelter home set fire to the tug deck house we used as a shed. It has smoldered until we opened the door, then WHOOSH, no more deck house. If the house with all our, okay, MY stuff was on fire…..

Then I remembered that there had been a little notice shoved in the door yesterday saying that the town would be doing a smoke test on their sewer system.

Oh.

The notice said the the smoke would be extremely unlikely to get in houses. It would only happen if you had “defective plumbing”.

Yeah, well considering the toilet isn’t connected with a an upturned planter covering the hole, several other pipes broke and froze in freezes just like the toilet, and most of the rest of the plumbing is at least 60-100 years old…”defective” kind of covers it.

They helpfully say that if it is defective to get a licensed plumber to fix it or it could be dangerous, which isn’t exactly helpful when Mom couldn’t find any plumbers willing to work on such an old house with no electricity, and now I have no money to do it. This non-licensed non-plumber is going to be working on it bit by bit as she gets money and time, meaning I will probably have it fixed in about ten years! LOL

It gave advice for preparing that said to simply make sure the “traps” on even infrequently used plumbing had water in it. Which, when the water has been shut off to the house for seven years or so, isn’t exactly a help. There was no water to fill anything and ALL the plumbing is “infrequently” (**snort**) used.

TBH, I had looked at the paper, sighed, and shut the doors to the kitchen and bathroom, hoping that would be good enough.

Obviously it wasn’t!

The paper cheerfully said in the highly unlikely event you got smoke in the house, not to worry, it’s non-toxic. Just open windows and doors.

“Non toxic” does NOT mean not dangerous! Not if, like me, you have bad lungs and a temperamental heart. And not if your house got such a dose it looks like some 1940’s horror movie pea soup fog!

I took three steps in to set down what I was carrying (didn’t want the playful neighbor dog getting it) and rushed out.

My lungs ached. My heart ached. I felt almost faint.

Seconds. That’s all it took.

Opening the doors and windows, other than the obvious front door was NOT going to happen. No way was I going to go wading into that smoke! Even if I did, it would be tough.

Because the back door had issues, about thirty years ago we rigged things to keep it sealed. Unfortunately with shifting and swelling wood in recent years it takes a lot of work to open. I’ve done it when I needed to, but it took a few minutes and I wasn’t breathing smoke. And considering the the door is next to the sink, one of the sources of smoke….

The windows are even worse. While upstairs windows open (yeah, stair climbing in that smoke…nope), the downstairs ones aren’t happening. Basically we have windows with bookcases in front of them , or ancient air conditioners perched in them, or my sun hating brother’s paneling over them, or windows in such bad shape they would crumble and the old glass would just fall out of the eroded wood. When the lock broke and I had to climb in I checked them all and found exactly one I could use. And that one temporarily has stuff in front of it from the work I’ve been doing!

So, I propped the front door open and sat outside, trying to recover.

I’m so frustrated! I got NOTHING done and felt awful. My throat still feels like is got scoured with sandpaper and I keep coughing.

I get why they did the test. I also know there wan’t much I could do about. Heck, if they had even specified on the paper what day they were going to do it I could have skipped a day and worked on stuff at the shop house. It’s not like I have a shortage of stuff to do!

Bad enough to live precariously between two extremely dilapidated houses, but to get a lung full of smoke as punishment is really discouraging!

[100dayproductivity]

10/100.

Do you also get frustrated by having to do stuff like eat? Ugh. I was eating breakfast this morning and annoyed with myself for taking so goddamn long to chew. I think the annoyance actually stemmed from the state of my kitchen. The cereal boxes that are normally on top of the fridge were crowded onto the kitchen table by my elbow. The kitchen table itself was shoved a foot or so farther from the fridge than usual, in order to make room for the fridge to get pulled away from the wall. The vacuum cleaner was sitting on the floor in front of the sink and I kept having to step around it while making breakfast. The reason for this disarray was because I finally picked up some of that putty stuff from the hardware store yesterday to patch up the wall behind my fridge. In order to get to the wall, I have to pull out the fridge. In order to pull out the fridge, I had to remove the cereal boxes from the top of the fridge and shove the table out of the way. I also needed to move the carpet from in front of the door that's next to the fridge. Moving the carpet revealed the accumulation of sandy grit underneath the carpet. I swept that up, then vacuumed. But I'll still need the vacuum to clean up behind the fridge once I pull it away from the wall. Hence why it's still sitting in the middle of everyone's way in front of the sink (by "everyone" I mean "me". And I guess the cat.)

So while I'm sitting there eating breakfast, annoyed with the cereal boxes at my elbow and the vacuum cleaner in front of the sink, I was thinking about how annoying it is to start a project and then have to stop to do things like eat and sleep and eat again. And then I started thinking about the other things I have to also do, like respond to work-related messages, get more cat food, oh and I'm almost out of salt and have started a grocery list of pantry items so I'll have to get those too. And then there's dishes to deal with again. And this is why I have a hard time starting "projects". You take stuff apart and move stuff around in order to do the project, but can't get it done all in one go because of all the other stupid stuff you have to stop and do (like eating!!!) Then you're just annoyed with all the stupid stuff because you just want to get the "project" done. But it seems like you'll never get it done because there's always more pressing priorities! 😮‍💨

Also, I think I messed up my anxiety meds schedule yesterday (I think I took two half-pill doses before noon instead of one half-pill in the morning and another in the evening). My next dose is not scheduled until later this afternoon. The anxiety meds are also used to treat depression and OCD. I don't have OCD but I definitely notice more obsessive-like thought patterns when I miss a dose (not obsessive like weird Fatal Attraction-esque stalker behaviour but just like mildly getting stuck in a mental loop about stupid little things. Like chewing.) So the missed dose is probably contributing to my inability to cope with cereal boxes at my elbow and vacuum cleaner in front of the sink.

Sooo... back to my main point: do you also get this way? Lol. I bet a lot of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Right. Let's get this party started.

First priority is to shower. (See what I mean about stupid little stuff getting in the way of projects? Ugh 😮‍💨)

Then, my to-do list. Here's where we're at:

To-do:

Pick up polyfill and light bulbs at hardware store. ✓ I finally did this! After that little talk I had with myself yesterday. Patting myself on the back for this small accomplishment 🥇

Look up "best hamstring stretches". ✓ - Proud of myself for following through with this right away! Here's a link to the first site I found that had instructions for exercises to do: https://www.sports-injury-physio.com/post/top-5-stretches-plantar-fasciitis

Wash cat puke off of floor. ✓ Omg, finally got this cleaned up.

Patch up holes in wall behind fridge.

🤬 dishes again 🙄.

Order cat food.

Order groceries.

Homescan. (This requires more explanation but I'll elaborate some other time. Basically it's one of those survey things you can do to earn a little extra cash on the side.)

Fill out mortgage paperwork.

Recurring:

Alternate heat and ice on foot.

Do hamstring stretches.

Roll out knots in leg muscle.

Do Sun Salutation x5

Take inhaler

I actually did all of this yesterday! 🏆 My plantar fasciitis is still flaring up though, so I need to keep at it.

What stupid little daily to-dos are annoying you today??

[enby-mama]

Week 7 update

According to my app were currently at 7 weeks, 4 days! Not much note worthy has happened since my first update, got some appointments booked for next week so will maybe have more news by next weekend, but for now, the little updates so far are:

My tolerance levels for sweets has been drastically reducing. Treats I found enjoyable before have quickly gotten old after a few bites and just been too sweet. Been craving lots of savoury things, especially meats, breads, and cheeses. Ate like half a tray of shepherds pie on my own over a span of like 48 hours. Made a sandwhich the other night that had honey smoked turkey and melty cheese on naan, folded over like a taco and filled with pickle spears. It was really good. Haven't had any weird cravings but the cravings are certainly starting

Have had some morning sickness since like week 3 or 4 probably, but so far it's been mostly just not being able to eat food and variable appetite and some nausea, but no upchuck... Till today that is. My brother's in town and we were getting ready for a big family brunch, and my dad was frying up a very large skillet of bacon since we had so many people. Now I've never been a fan of bacon but I've never had the smell even bother my stomach a little. But one moment I was fine, the next I was holding on to the kitchen sink for dear life, and then not a minute later I was feeling so much better and ready for breakfast with the family. My parents were both asking why I was feeling sick, hoping to tell them once we have the all clear from the specialist, which should be by maybe next weekend.

Have had insomnia on and off probably since week 5 or so? And it's struck again, with it being almost 10 am and I haven't slept yet. Our dog had a big surgery day before yesterday so night before last he was crying a lot and kept me up most of the night and really messed up my sleep schedule, so it'll take a few days to sort that out again at least. Training in advance I guess lol.

That's all I can think of right now, other than I've just been exhausted still and often need naps to get through a day.

I'm going to try to remember to do weekly updates? But my memory was shite even before pregnancy so no guarantees lol

[hauerhoetime]

Ahhh I NEED either. Billy Hargrove or Eddie x GN!reader where it’s leading up to their birthday but they usually spend it alone and you can decide from there. I love youuuu❤️

Hi! I'm so sorry that this took me literally months to make I struggled a lot with motivation and I was going to do just headcanons for you to not disappoint but then I decided to actually write you a fic and now it's the longest one I've written lol :) I'm sorry it took so long but I hope it was worth the wait? Thank you for the support!

Thank you For Everything

Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: Eddie find out you planned to be alone your birth weekend and is not having it he wants to give you the best birthday he can

Right this moment you could be found sitting on Eddie Munson’s couch. You have been here many times and plan to be here many more. This couch has been the setting for many conversations between the two of you ranging from down right stupid to serious; a few conversations even featuring Wayne. You would say the conversation currently being had would classify as unimportant but Eddie would beg to differ.

“So are we hanging out this weekend?” He asked as he let his body sink down into the couch as if they were melting together.

“I was just going to sit at my house alone this weekend-” You shrug and pull your knees up to your chest.

“What-? Why? We haven’t spent a weekend apart since we met” He huffed a laugh of disbelief looking at you. To be fair he was right. You met just under a year ago and the two of you have been joined at the hip ever since. You can be found on his couch or across from him in the booth of a shitty restaurant or in the passenger seat of his van.

“Well I always spend this weekend alone-” You try and blow off the topic knowing if he found out the true reason you wanted to stay home he would never allow it.

“What do you mean you always spend it alone? You’re always with me?” The confusion becomes more obvious on his face after every passing second.

“Well every year I spend this weekend alone.” You look away from his face and turn your attention to the tv that has some random movie that has been left ignored.

“Why?” he asks the one question you were dreading. You weren’t going to lie to him but if he didn’t ask you didn’t have to tell him did you? Well too late now he already asked.

“Well um…It’s my birthday” Your voice got higher at the end causing it to sound more like a question. 

“WHAT!?” The boy who previously was one with the couch shot into a standing position. “I have so many thoughts right now”

“Let's hear ‘em” You let out a laugh at how expressive Eddie can be.

“I haven't even known you for a year, sure, but you’re definitely my best friend at this point yet I never knew your birthday??” the boy began to ramble and was now unstoppable but you did ask for this “Not only did I never know when your birthday was but the way I found out was you telling me you wanted to spend it alone and oh by the way it’s this weekend? And what’s up with that alone thing? You should spend it with friends and celebrate- make a day of it. Do your other friends not celebrate with you?” He finally stopped talking but you waited a moment before you answered just in case the pause was only for breathing.

“No they’ve asked before but I just didn’t want them to fuss over me and eventually they stopped asking-” You shrug as if it was nothing.

“And how come you never told me?” He takes a step toward you making it seem like he was towering over you instead of just standing across the room.

“Well I didn’t want you to fuss either. I don’t need you to spend your money on a gift- or throw a party or something.”

“Well I’m going to. Well maybe not a party if you don’t want to but you won’t be at home and you’ll have a gift.” He spoke the words as if they were a promise. There was now no stopping him.

-----

It’s been three days since that conversation on Eddie’s couch. You were currently sitting in your room alone- It wont stay that way for long though. Eddie told you yesterday that he has finalized his plans for your birthday.

He would pick you up Friday night at 7:00PM and take you back to his place where you’ll open your birthday gift and eat some cheap pizza and just hang out. You would spend the night and once the two of you woke up (with no alarms because it’s Saturday and your birthday so sleeping in seemed mandatory) The two of you would go and get breakfast- Eddie’s treat. In the afternoon you would go down to Lovers Lake and goof off like kids again and probably just end up driving around and listening to music. Once the two of you get home to Eddie’s once again he would try his best to make a gourmet meal (Craft mac and cheese) and then he would surprise you with a cake that he made for you. The two of you would watch your favorite movie and then you would probably end up falling asleep at his place again.

You knew the whole plan by heart- well not the cake- and it made you giddy. Part of you felt bad that he was putting all this effort into you and your birthday but if you were honest with yourself you’d recognise that you wanted someone to care.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a knock on your front door. You sprung off your bed and snatched up your backpack before running to the door. When you opened it you basically ripped it off its hinges revealing Eddie’s smiling face.

He raised his eyebrows when he noticed how quick you opened the door before speaking. “Ya know for someone who didn’t want to have birthday plans you seem pretty excited for this”

“Oh shut up” You tried to sound annoyed but the wide grin on your face revealed it all.

“Your chariot awaits” His grin matches yours as he bows slightly and makes a sweeping action with his arm directing your attention to his van parked in your driveway.

“Oh why thank you kind sir” you matched his dramatics and followed him out to his van.

He opened the door for you and asked if you were buckled before pulling out of your driveway and began the all too familiar route to his trailer. 

A few months ago he asked you why the two of you always hung out at his little trailer when you had a house that your parents often left you alone in. It seemed strange to him I mean your house is easily twice the size of his, a hell of a lot cleaner, and just nicer quality in general. You gave him two simple answers. He had good music at his place and his trailer felt more like home. Your house had always felt more like a building than home. You called it your house but never your home. It was cold and in the hallways your voice echoed. Eddie’s was different though. Eddie’s trailer was warm and there was so much crap on the walls that you don’t think it would ever be possible to hear an echo. Most of all you were never there alone. You had constant welcoming company. So when you refer to going to Eddies you say you’re going home.

The drive felt as if it only lasted seconds and you wished it lasted longer; you loved watching Eddie tap his fingers on the steering wheel as he dramatically whispered the lyrics along to his favorite songs. Alas you pulled up to Eddie’s place and hopped out of his van with ease.

“Feels good to be home” you sighed as you walked through the door. Eddie watched your shoulders visibly relax and smiled to himself.

He loved how you called his place home. He didn’t tell you but you’re what makes it his home.

“Put your bag in the room and I’ll call for pizza” He walked over to the phone mounted on the wall.

Your only response was a hum of acknowledgement before you stroll down the hallway to the bedroom at the end. Once you plopped your bag in the corner of Eddie’s room you immediately turned to his open closet.

You didn’t really tell him you were changing but if you were at his house for the night and weren't leaving again it was safe to assume you’d change to pajamas. It was also safe to assume pajamas meant Eddie’s clothes. You rifled through the familiar shirts before finding the Metallica shirt that has basically become yours, ripping it from the hanger. Once you’ve secured your shirt you spin to the closet where you pull out a pair of sweatpants. You change at lightning speed before walking back into the kitchen where Eddie was finishing up the pizza order.

“Oh look at you! You should be on the cover of Playboy with that outfit!” He teases with a smile. The truth is he loves to see you in his clothes. He loves how comfortable you’ve become at his house. It makes him feel like you could slip into his space and become a part of his daily life with ease. You basically already have.

You giggle at his comment and give him a dramatic spin accompanied by a pose at the end. He adored you for it. He wanted nothing more than to pick you up and hold you tight in his arms but alas it wasn’t his birthday it was yours- well it would be tomorrow. Speaking of your birthday- he reminded himself that he had yet to give you your gift.

Eddie’s grin only widened as he spun around to grab the poorly wrapped gift off the counter. If it were anyone else he would be embarrassed at how horrible the wrapping was but it was you. You have seen his crooked posters and janky piles of books and tapes in the corners of his room. He had let you into his far from perfect life and you had never once met it with negativity. So with you he was proud to present his gift. 

When he turned back around to face you he could see in your eyes that you were hesitant but he also saw a spark of something else. Excitement. This little spark was all he needed to feel sure in himself as he outstretched his arm towards you. “Take it sweetheart. It’s for you” his words were soft with a smile to match.

You take a small step forward and go to reach for the small gift in his hands. You think back to the last time you got a birthday present. You were eight years old and your parents got you a bike. The bike was your new found freedom to go places whenever you wanted with whoever you wanted. No more asking for rides. No more calling around. That present represented your freedom. This gift in Eddie's palms represents the revival of your childhood. The one you left behind.

Your hands finally reached his after what felt like eternity and your fingers wrapped around the gift. It was small and honestly as soon as you picked it up you knew what it was but that didn’t leave you any less confused. It was a tape but why? Eddie has all the tapes you could ever hope to hear.

You turn the gift over in your hands analyzing it before you even take the wrapping paper off. Your inspection of the gift was making Eddie second guess himself but that all faded away when he saw you begin to pull at the paper. You tried to be as delicate as possible and slowly you revealed exactly what you thought you would. A tape. It was different than what you expected though. It was a mixtape with a label that just says ‘for at your house’ surrounded by scribbled hearts.

You look up to Eddie hoping he will give further explanation and he delivers as always. “It’s a mixtape with a few songs we listen to together and in between I put in a few messages of my own. It’s for when you're at the house and miss me” he gives a shy smile.

Your face basically splits in two as he explains. “Thank you, Eds.” is all you manage to get out without your voice cracking. “Thank you for everything”