#i forgot all the tags for this fandom goddamn

[hyperfixated-homo]

miss him,,,, fanders are we still around. hows it going. what have i missed. how long has it been

[thevioletcaptain]

Almost a decade ago, in November of 2014, I became so exhausted by seeing people throw around the absurd claim that Dean/Cas fans made up only 1% of SPN fandom that I decided to prove how wrong it was. The most readily available data which didn't rely on conducting a survey or poll -- and was therefore a more accurate representation of actual fandom activity rather than just whoever happened to respond to a survey -- came from fic numbers on Ao3.

I made a post about it at the time (the pertinent figures are included below, or you can see the original post here) and then completely forgot about the entire thing. Until now.

Why? Well, largely thanks to a sudden resurgence of the same old nonsense this week, mostly cropping up in the comment sections of a couple of polls that crossed my dash. The temptation to check if there had been any significant changes to the fandom's activity since I last looked ten years ago was too strong to ignore.

Friends. Things have proven to be shockingly consistent.

With the same caveat from last time -- that this is only showing trends in the subset of fandom who actively uses Ao3, and therefore obviously doesn't take into account the "general audience" subset of fandom who don't participate beyond watching the show and occasionally liking a social media post -- here are the numbers:

Old count | November 9th, 2014 | 4 episodes into S10

Total SPN fics posted - 86,352 Fics listed as gen - 22,718 (26.3%) Fics with Dean/Cas - 33,762 (39.0%) Fics with Sam/Dean - 12,286 (14.2%) Fics with Sam/Cas - 1,634 (1.8%) Fics with Sam/Dean/Cas - 787 (0.9%) 

The remaining 18.6% of SPN fics were non-gen fics featuring other character pairings, including reader inserts and original characters.

New count | May 28th, 2024 | 3.5 years after finale

Total SPN fics posted - 290,707 Fics listed as gen - 61,343 (21.1%) Fics with Dean/Cas - 116,925 (40.2%) Fics with Sam/Dean - 34,673 (11.9%) Fics with Sam/Cas - 5,548 (1.9%) Fics with Sam/Dean/Cas - 1,957 (0.6%)

The remaining 24.3% of SPN fics are non-gen fics featuring other character pairings, including reader inserts and original characters.

Notes on data:

All data was collected while logged in on Ao3 to ensure no incorrect counts were caused by hidden works.

There is some overlap within these numbers due to fics which are tagged with multiple pairings. This might be possible to account for if someone felt like doing more intensive data collection, but I've already spent about an hour and a half on this and that's already a lot more time than I'd like to be doing voluntary math. I enjoy statistics as a point of interest, but goddamn do I hate actually crunching the numbers.

It bears mentioning that Sam/Gabriel (5.1%), Sam/Jess (2.2%), & Dean/Reader (2.5%) all have higher counts than Sam/Cas (1.9%) & Sam/Dean/Cas (0.6%), however I didn't make note of those pairings in 2014, so I'm unsure if there has been any change.

I shouldn't have to say this, but literally all of us are just smashing our fave characters together like dolls, so as interesting as these numbers are this post is not intended to suggest that any ship is "better" than any other ship. This post is intended to do nothing more than show the available data which disproves a baseless claim about the size of Dean/Cas fandom within the larger SPN fandom.

TLDR; the percentage of active Supernatural fans on Ao3 who are interested in Dean/Cas as a pairing is significantly higher than 1%, and that has been a consistent pattern within the fandom for the past ten years.

[snackugaki]

part 1 

did I have to cut it there? yes. why? because I’m p-e-t-t-y, I’m petty all the time  ♪ ♫ 

but also, the image cap boo

the tags cannot contain my full power some of my really good tags got eaten by the tag limit and they’re grudges I keep in a little pile in my heart

did this silly little fan comic get away from me? ...YES

was I gonna originally stop it there? also yes but you know... I love being snide and petty but after catching covid like a week ago I’m not gonna bring any bad juju with me into next year if I can help it

I forgot how fucking neon the coloring got for awhile in the archie comics

im cryin g this was supposed to be a short’n sentimental’n sweet comic and now look at me, i played myself

look, Venus has waited a quarter of a century, she earned this

i think... what tickles me most about Venus after coming back to TMNT fandom via Rise, is that from what I can see (on tumblr), the kids love her. they love her and make versions of her in the series that came after the 90s. i look at their bios, some weren��t even born when Next Mutation was airing. (and as far as I can tell, Next Mutation didn’t really get much syndicated airtime if any) ...and they still love her. hurt me in my old little heartguts. it’s mostly my generation of tmnt fans who express distaste for her... but the new fans, they love her, they include her in their aus, they make a place for her in their childhood series. hoo h oo giv give me a moment..

if I could pop back into 1998 and tell little 13 year old snackugaki that Venus would be back, I would. all I had were Trini Kwan and Venus de Milo (not ONLY them, just for the purpose of this post) as a fighty, angry little girl. 

all my childhood idols who could fight were calm, level-headed characters who could just happen to throw a villain through a wall if they really needed to. if it wasn’t for them who knows where baby snacku fite meh! gaki would be today. going up against Rhonda Rousey for the championship belt idk, who can accurately estimate the magnitude of childhood influences, not this bitch

if you’re also in PST and wondering why I typed up this post at goddamn 3am then we’re both insomniacs, you didn’t see me, stop snitching

EDIT: I KNEW IT, SOME OF THE TAGS GOT EATEN! HATEFUL! HATEFUL TUMBLR LIMITATIONS! ahhhhh it’s whatevs

[st1llwthyou]

fandom ꕀ zb1

pairing ꕀ sung hanbin x afab!reader

applicable aus & genre ꕀ friends with benefits, smut

synopsis ꕀ drastic situations call for drastic measures — like babytrapping you, so you don’t leave him.

warnings & tags ꕀ language, toxic!hanbin, he’s possessive AND jealous, dom/sub dynamics, unprotected sex, rough sex, dirty talk, dumbification, dacryphilia, breeding kink, mentions of babytrapping, creampie — RATED E for explicit content.

word count ꕀ 703

notes ꕀ don’t read if it’s not your cup of tea :] see the warnings before proceeding. hello, btw~ it’s my first time around here 😳! enjoy ♡

thinking about fwb!hanbin who’s gotten a bit obsessed with you. so much so that he wants to babytrap you into staying with him… 

He actually doesn’t remember how you guys got into this whole “friends with benefits” thing. Maybe because why or how he got here didn’t really matter to him. On the other hand, Hanbin can vividly recall being the happiest bitch on the planet while fucking you for the first time. It’s etched into his memory – the way you cried because it felt too good, your sweet pussy squeezing his cock, milking him dry. 

And since then, Hanbin has found himself falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of you. How the fuck could he not? When he’s seen you in the rawest, swollen lips crying about how big he is, glossy eyes looking at him like he’s your whole world. 

Maybe that’s why Hanbin saw red while you laughed and put your hand on Euijoo’s shoulder. He noticed the way your glinting eyes travelled across his friend’s figure. All that did was make his chest feel uncomfortably tight, sirens going off in his head. 

Mine, all mine. 

Hanbin is in a frenzy, his hair sticking to his forehead, lips parted as he pounds into you. You’re babbling incoherent words, brain empty as he fucks you to oblivion. Your gummy walls are snug around his rock hard cock, pussy leaking copious amounts of your sweet juice. The wet sounds of your bodies meeting increase with each passing second. 

Oh, the way he loves to see you like this. 

“Tsk, can’t even utter a goddamn word properly. Am I fucking my baby dumb, hm?” His voice is gruff, lips quirking up in a satisfied smirk. “You know that I’m the only one who can do this to you, right? Fuck you so good with my cock that you forget how to talk?” 

The way you nod your head while making the cutest noises makes him feel delirious. Tears have wet your temples, lips wet with drool. Fuck, he could literally knock you up right now and you’d just lay there, overstimulated and unaware. 

The fleeting thought hits him like a ton of bricks. Hanbin can get you pregnant. Oh so conveniently, he’s doing you raw today because he was too impatient and forgot a condom. His cock twitches at the thought, his thrusts getting rougher. 

He looks at you with his newfound goal in mind, eyes falling upon your beautiful breasts that jiggle and bounce around with each movement of his hips. Hanbin leans down to catch your left nipple in his mouth, earning a whiny cry from you. Your tits would be full of milk for his baby, he thinks, feeling his lower stomach tighten. 

His gaze falls upon your belly bulge next, the outline of his cock pumping into you looking as pretty as ever. When you get all round with a baby inside your tummy, he won’t be able to see this anymore. Hanbin gently puts his left hand on your belly bulge, groaning curses as he feels the continuous movement of his cock inside you. 

“Look at your cute, little pussy greedily devouring my cock. I bet it’s so hungry, if I give it my cum, will it be satisfied?” His words make you clench, legs tightening around his waist. Hanbin swears that’s his last straw. “Fuck, you’d love that, huh?” 

He knows you’re probably not in your right mind — overstimulated and buzzing with pleasure, maybe thinking that he doesn’t mean it literally. 

Except that he does. If he puts a baby inside you, you’ll have to stay with him, right? 

He reaches for your swollen clit, eager to feel your walls clamping down onto him. You cry out his name, trembling as he rubs your sensitive bundle of nerves. Your over-sensitive body doesn’t take too long to convulse into waves of ecstasy again — triggering his own release. 

Hanbin moans, pushing himself as deep as possible with one last thrust. He shakes and twitches, emptying his balls and painting your inner walls white. A deep satisfaction warms him up as he leans down to rest on top of you. 

His arms wrap you up in a hug. He’s going to hold you like this for a long time, making sure that not a single drop of his seed is wasted.

˗ˏˋ ★ extended notes ˎˊ˗

i need him biblically 🫠

thanks so much for reading ❤️‍🔥! hope you enjoyed it >.< (pls ignore typos or other mistakes, english is not my 1st language) ; i’d love to hear your thoughts about this! please reblog, comment, or even send me asks, feedback is very much appreciated!

psssst, my inbox is open for suggestions and hard hours 👀! please check this and feel free to drop by 🩷!

[askew-d]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "askew-d "?

hello, there! sorry for the long wait, i forgot to check my notifs :( i will do better next time. thank you for this question! i feel like i’ve waited ages for someone to ask me exactly that, lol. i could talk about well-written fanfics forever!! can i give you a hug? because this is wonderful, really.

let’s go for it! my range of fanfiction that i enjoy vary, but one thing remains: i will adore your fic, no matter the fandom, if it’s written with passion and if it contains good, poetic introspection. i love poetry. for me, if there’s melancholic tropes of any kind i’m into it. immortal character and reincarnation? give me now. supernatural elements or slice of life with doomed narrative? i’ll ignore sleep to read it. angst with happy ending? my endgame, for sure.

however, i also adore silly, comedic, cute pieces of domestic life or otherwise. i had a hard time choosing from my bookmarks for this, and i also reviewed some of my favorites, it was fun. before we continue, here are some of the tags that i don’t dive into for whatever reason: porn without plot (it personally just doesn’t interest me at all), non-con, gore, a/b/o dynamics, soulmates au. sorry if you were hoping for it! i’ll try classify them into an order of what i like most.

1. jellyfish, by mystery twin, for the haikyuu!! fandom — i read this when i was finishing high school and coincidentally the story talks about finishing high school! i have a personal attachment that makes me reread it every year. it’s some sort of tradition at this point. not to mention i love kagehina dearly.

2. teen project to change the world, by animeloverhomura, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — respectfully speaking, i would find this author and give them a big hug. their writing is spetacular! if you've never seen this one and you're into mdzs, know it's a story where the characters get to see every event from the novel and donghua, even the dead characters. they watch wei wuxian journey, can you believe it? so goddamn entertaining. promptly waiting for the next update!

3. a hundred or so hellos, by iwillstillopenthewindow, for the haikyuu!! fandom — remember i said i love melancholic stories? well, this one broke me so hard, i had to mention how i hold it with tenderness (we love things that breaks us, dont we?). this fandom manages to write the cutest, most unhinged things sometimes. even it's an anime about sports. i always get amazed by it.

4. no certainty of doors between us, by betts, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — certainly the most silly little fanfic i've ever seen, it's hilariously sweet. i want everyone to read this masterpiece because, seriously, whoever did this deserves only the best. so, so, cute. it had to be in my top 10!

5. their kindred encounters, by fireflavoredwhiskey, for the untamed rpf fandom (bjyx) — you know those kinds of shows, books, any piece of media, that tears up apart? well, this one was it for me. it's a very famous one that deserves all praise, certainly well-written and enjoyable to the core, with doses of angst, romance and beauty overall.

6. as the clouds part and clear, we finally meet again, by 12262325, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — aaaaa, i was truly torn between putting this in the third or fourth place, but i ended up putting it here. come on, i love an age difference kind of story, especially for wangxian, and this one was perfectly done. sweet and funny. the development? the yearning?? outstanding!! i read this many times already, i'll never get tired.

7. pursuit, by emleewrites, for the haikyuu!! fandom — mystery, romance, lawsuits, poker games, adventure, slice of life, AMAZING depictions and so, so goddamn well-written? that's what you're looking for in any fanfiction. the author dedicated herself entirely for this story, and, like i said, i love stories that are written with passion, you can see it pouring through every paragraph. besides, highly entertaining. i'm not very into long fics, but once i started it off, i couldn't stop. that's how addicting it is.

8. linger by the door (i’ve always been yours), by piecrust, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — epistolary?? have i mentioned how i love it?? some of the phrases in this are gold, in my bookmarks you can check some of them (i ought to make a list of my favorite fic quotes, btw, i will sure do it). through each letter i could comprehend more of wei wuxian's feelings and his internal conflict. i love feeling this connected to a character.

9. all the world is ours to take, by khrys, for the fugou keiji fandom — i have more than one favorite fanfiction for this couple. you know these kinds of developing relationship where the transition from (maybe enemies too) friends to lovers happens so smoothly that it feels like they've been soulmates first and foremost at the end? i don't even know how to explain. i just love how, when they finally are together, it's like they've been together for years. and they just... made it official? i like it. i love my mr. kambe haru.

10. he won’t tell you that he loves you, by hellshandbasket, for the house m.d fandom — i found this to be the most fitting, perfect story for this specific couple. they deserved more stories like this, but we dont see it anymore. i would hightlight the feelings realization in this one, that is so fucking real? haha in any case, it's a fanfic that i enjoyed a great deal.

that's it, i guess! i wanted to add link click fanfics also, however i barely started reading fanfictions from its fandom, i'm drowning in it lately but it's just a start. perhaps very sooon!

oh, i’m gonna finish explaining about the name! in my native language, i’ve heard someone tell me before that ‘life’s a little askew, nothing’s ever perfect’, and that quote remained in every biography of any english website i ever went to. then in literature class someday i had to write about historical women and came across this one named anne askew (i wanted to write about the mostly barely-spoken women). it was the second time i saw this word. i didn’t think of it as a proper name before, but then i had to create a nickname for my ao3 profile and thought, humn, why not just ‘askew’? the quote has been engraved in my heart anyway, so i went for it. we’re all flawed and askew. so, yeah, it just… fit? the ‘d’ here on tumblr it’s only because my surname has a ‘de morais’ in it. i also liked that it resembled ‘alaska’, the john green character i was kinda of obsessed with back in my teenager grunge phase. i don’t like these kinds of books anymore, but i guess some details stay with you. do you think it’s weird? never thought of changing.

thanks for this outstanding ask, it certainly entertained me. and hope you have a nice sleep today, big hugs coming your way! 🤍

[baileypie-writes]

shouko + protective reader? shouya’s middle school bullying era, he’s doing all that shit cause he thinks he’s cool. reader jumps in and genuinely bodies him verbally, asking why he even does any of it, wanting to protect her best friend.

honestly forgot about a silent voice for a while 😭 one of my favorite anime movies though. love your writing.

A/N ~ Sure! And thank you for liking my writing🩷Hope you enjoy!

~Where did Your Mother go Wrong Raising You?~

Shouko Nishimiya + Fem!Protective!Reader

Part 2, Part 3

Fandom: A Silent Voice

Reader: Female

Relationship: Platonic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Synopsis: You’re tired of Shoya bullying your best friend, so you chew him out.

Warnings: Bullying, swearing, mention of blood(Shouko’s).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight.

Eight goddamn hearing aids.

Who did this Shoya boy think he was? Bullying a deaf girl, and destroying her hearing aids? And not only that, no one defended her besides you. While the little devil committed his sins, your classmates just laughed along with him. What kind of class is this? Was no one a decent person?

You were more than tired. You were just about ready to destroy this kid. All you needed was an opportunity. Lucky for you, one came.

~~~~

The entire class waited for the teacher to arrive. He was taking his sweet time, so most students were messing around. But not you. You could never have a moment of peace during school. Nearly every second was spent monitoring Shoya, making sure he didn’t try anything.

You glanced over at Shouko. You smiled, as she looked peaceful. She was wearing her shiny new hearing aids. But your smile faded as you caught a glimpse of the scar on her ear. She got that when Shoya ripped her last hearing aids out, causing her to bleed. Just the memory made you feel angry.

Shouko noticed you staring, and lightly smiled at you. “Something wrong?” She signed over to you.

“No. Just looking at your new hearing aid.” You signed back.

“What are you guys talking about?” Shoya interrupted. You groaned, not wanting to deal with him.

“Nothing you need to care about.” You said, a thick attitude in your voice.

“Woah, calm down. I just think it’s a little unfair that you guys are having your own secret conversation.” He said, crossing his arms.

You huffed. “Well, it wouldn’t be secret if you bothered to learn sign language. You can’t just complain about not understanding something when you’re too lazy to learn it.”

Shouko looked confused. “What are you talking about?” She signed. But you didn’t have the chance to answer.

“Who’re you calling lazy? You know what, I don’t care. Why would I listen to someone who’s so desperate for friends, that she hangs out with the freak?” He says as he walks over to Shouko. He reaches over to, once again, take her hearing aids, his friends laughing in the background.

That was it. You shot up from your seat, and grabbed Shoya’s wrist. “Shouko is not the freak! You are! You’re so close minded, that you can’t handle the simple fact that someone can’t hear. I mean, honestly, it’s not that complicated. But I guess you can’t handle complicated things. Hell, you can’t even keep the tag inside your shirt.” You pointed to the fabric sticking out of his top.

The class laughed, including Shoya’s friends. He didn’t like that. He yanked his wrist away, and made another attempt to steal Shouko’s hearing aids. But you were quick, and shoved him away. You got in front of poor, confused Shouko, guarding her.

“Why do you even do it? Do you take pleasure in seeing others suffer? What the fuck is wrong with you? Where did your mother go wrong raising you?” Shoya froze at the mention of his mom. You knew that was his weakness, so you kept going.

“I’ve met your mom. She cuts my hair, and she’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met. How in the world did her son turn out to be the spawn of Satan himself? I bet she doesn’t even know. What would you think if I went over to your house after school, and told her all you’ve done? I’m sure she’ll be very upset with you. And hey, if she doesn’t beat your ass, I’ll gladly do it.” You finally finished. And just in time too, because the teacher finally arrived.

“What’s going on?” He asked, noticing the silence in the room.

“Nothing, Mr. Takeuchi.” Shoya mumbled, making you grin.

Everyone went to their seats, and Mr. Takeuchi began class. You still kept an eye on Shoya, but he didn’t seem to be planning anything. At least for today.

Suddenly, Shouko waved your attention to her. She had a small smile on her face as she signed “Thanks.”

You smiled too, and signed back to her. “No problem. I’m always here for you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[kittyamore0]

‘kay we got a lot of Ethan being ghostface and all— but what if it was the other way around hm? Here’s the idea:

Reader is ghostface who is anonymous and neither detective Bailey, Quinn, or Ethan know who they are —

But reader is a lot more violent — so when Sam asks: “so who was the other one that attacked us?“ And they don’t know who she’s talking about until the reader appears as ghostface and they’re all surprised who’s under the mask.

Let me know if this makes any sense 😭

A/N: Ghostface reader...? SIGN ME TF UP A/N: Got a little confused because i was like, 'how is this going to work if none of them know who the reader is...' A/N: So Im thinking...WHAT ABOUT AN OG READER WHO WENT A LITTLE, YK, MAD? A/N: Reader is an OG who reveals themselves as ghostface and everyone is shocked because no one has seen them for years...YEA?? A/N: Btw, I forget some parts of the movie so i had to makeshift things and make them make sense but idk if i did a good job A/N: Ngl, i literally forgot half the lines they said in the movie too so i had to improvise

My Return...

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RATING: SFW

FANDOM/GENRE: Horror, Ghostface, scream 6

TAGS: @kittiescrownedsoul, @zspen

POV: 2nd person

WRITING STYLE: One-shot

READER: The scene that happened in the movie will change so much its a whole new lot just to fit the reader in (Im overexagerrating it but it changes a bit)

REMINDER: Do NOT transfer, translate, modify, copy or steal my ideas!

CW: Blood, mentions of attacking, knife, murders, murder attempts,guns, shooting, stabbing, swearing, spoilers for scream 6

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"Ethan, Bailey...?" Sam eyed the other masked figure. "Mindy...?" The figure shook their head and pulled the mask off of their face. "Quinn.." Tara shook her head. "You're dead though..." Quinn chuckled. "It was all an act!" Tara backed up into the nearby brick, feeling the brick be loose.

"You're all crazy..." Ethan shrugged. "We prefer the term psychotic," Sam shook her head. "It was you three...the subway, the apartment, that goddamn old building!" Quinn, Bailey, Ethan quirked an eyebrow. "What building?" Bailey asked while pointing his gun furhter into Sam's direction. "What..?" Bailey rolled his eyes. "What building, Sam?"

Quinn raised a finger. "Hold on. We never attacked them at the old building," Ethan nodded. "Then who..?"

"Surprise..."

Tara and Sam swiftly turned around to meet another Ghostface, one that felt...off.

"Who the hell are you?!" Quinn shouted. "Is that a way to treat someone who has more experience with Ghostface than you ever will?" Quinn scoffed. "Who. The. Fuck. Are. You?" She repeated.

"Well, if you insist..." The unknown Ghostface slowly took off their mask, revealing...you. "[Name?]" All of their eyes widened. You, an OG, who had gone through for much shit trying to survive from Ghostface becomes Ghostface itself?

They all sat there in silence. When finally processed, Ethan, and Quinn feel a burst of excitement coarse through their bodies, an OG...helping them?!

"So you've been helping them...?" Tara grip tightened on the brick. "Helping them? Oh, no, darlin'. Im just doing this for fun. Im quite tired of being the prey, so why not the predator?" Their excitement died down.

"All those years of running away from Ghostface, and being betrayed by others. I just thought, 'well why not reverse the cards for a bit,' hm?" You laughed. "And oh, how right i was. this has been fun!" You turned to the three other Ghostface. "You three make good Ghostface, but not as good as Billy, Stu, and the others."

Hearing that gave Ethan somewhat of a boost of confidence. "Where's Richie in that list?" Quinn asked. "Richie? Oh...he was the worst Ghostface Ive seen," you slowly spat, enjoying provoking them. "So pathetic," Sam starts and you watch her, amused.

"Thats not true," Bailey retorted. "Yea. Your son, he is a man-baby, let his girlfriend do all the killing..." Bailey had gotten even more furious by the second. "Shes right," Quinn pointed her knife at you. "You, you stay out of this!" You only snickered in response.

"He was a strong, feral young man!" Bailey's voice cracks. "He was a limp-dick little fuck, who cried before i slit his throat." Bailey was one second from pulling the trigger, but before that happened, Sam had ran over to your side, missing the bullet.

Tara charged at Quinn, hitting her face with a brick. She fell backwards. "Damn," you moved backwards. You smirked, before swiftly walking up behind Bailey, kicking him in the back so he fell. "What?! " You crouched down, grabbing the gun and tossing it Sam.

Ethan began chasing Tara, while Sam busied herself with Quinn. Tara was running from Ethan, climbing away from him. "I've always wanted to stick something in you, Tara!" Tara turns around while Ethan Sticks his knife up. "Fuck you!" Tara shouted. "Fuck you!" Ethan shouted back.

"Gotcha!" You hear Ethan catch up with Tara after a few minutes. She screams before shoving a knife down his throat, twisting it while a smile grin ghosted over he face. "You're dying a virgin," He screams in pain while eating that knife.

You pulled out your knife before stabbing Bailey in chest, over and over after keeping him down with your foot. Bailey put up a fight, tackling you while you tackled him back.

You heard a crash, only to see Ethans head under a TV. "Shit looks like that hurts..." QUinn screamed at the sight of her father and bother being murdered. SHe charges at Sam, who puoints the gun at Quinn. "Looks like your down another brother."

Quinn's body fails down, after being shot in the head by Sam. Sam turned around, to meet you, but by the time she did, you were gone. "where did they...?" Tara shrugged at Sam, both of them just standing in silence.

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[ashsostrange]

it’s stand on business o’clock, cz i know y’all sick gw*les & p*nkflower shippers + delulu gwen stans ain’t try to run my girl bree (@breeandhermunches) off her blog… you got me all the way fucked up and ima tag this in ALL the categories. you can’t do anything about it 🤣 if you’re upset, then scroll ho. if you know i’m not talking about you, then have a great day! 🫶 if the shoe fits, then wear it.

i’m getting disrespectful. ima return the energy you hoes dished out n you better take it like some mf champs. y’all wanted to fuck around so now you gotta hear my mouth and find out. read it ‘n weep. clearing you bitches gives me life.

such a shame we’re back here, but y’all are mad, mad miserable. like, i’ve never seen a fandom so chronically online. are you even trying to mask the fact that you rarely step outside anymore…? 😬

let me making it so very clear why i’m making this post in the first place, bc y’all seem to struggle with my main concerns never clicking in your heads.

y’all have the time to sit in somebody’s inbox and complain about their hatred towards fictional ships, meanwhile the people y’all complain about stay on their pages and mind their business? 🤨 those people being US. ion recall none of us going directly to YOUR pages to hate on punkflower and gwiles. if we hate, it’s on our pages. i don’t go looking for a mf fight, that’s mad childish. y’all were riding bree’s dick like crazy. at this point, her hate for gwiles must keep y’all up at night. talk to a therapist about that. it’s not healthy. i’m gna address ALL the bs y’all be on.

so now that you know why i’m posting this, let me set few things straight for y’all.

“don’t use the ship tag to hate! 🤬🤬” the day you copyright and trademark the tag, present me with an official “tumblr etiquette” rule book or, show me proof that you own tumblr is the day i’ll stop. ima do wtv i want whenever i want, please get that thru ya hollow ass heads. y’all aren’t entitled to anything. not respect, not no damn “common courtesy,” ESPECIALLY not over dysfunctional ships/fictional characters 🤣 i don’t owe you SHIT.

some of were y’all tryna go back and forth with me at the grown ass age of TWENTY. over GWILES. a sixteen yr old vs a twenty yr old, see your life 😂😂 it’s truly alarming. go get employed. if you alr are, then call your manager and pick up some more shifts bc you clearly ain’t doing enough. if college graduation rates begin to decline, i know exactly who to come to. everything’s going up and even tho you should be standing on some mf business so you can afford the cost of living, you’re arguing with teenagers online instead. a lot of you have too much free time.

“you posted this publicly under the tag, you can’t expect people not to want to argue” yes i can! block me and scroll. we don’t have to argue. i don’t remember starting an argument? i was never on your pages. i only reblog shit when it appears on my dash. like i said, i’m not searching far n wide for no damn fight. 🤷‍♀️ nobody told y’all to bitch, whine, and reblog mine or bree’s shit. your issue is that you have no self control. you don’t know when to hold yourself tf back, so you feel obligated to reply. god forbid someone has a differing opinion. my post was never even about the flaws in miles and gwen’s relationship. i was talking about how it is disappointing to see miles’ story be reduced to a love story. unfortunately, y’all forgot to put your glasses on beforehand and read “i hate gwiles.” yes, i hate gwiles!!! but that was not the point of my post. y’all are either illiterate or trying to let off some serious steam. i’m not having any of it. maybe y’all are upset i called you delusional, but you’ve effortlessly proven my point.

this is the internet. you have the tools to avoid seeing what me n bree hv to say, so why are you throwing a tantrum like a goddamn child instead of utilizing them?? you’re not special. the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. people are dying n you’re worried about a hate post under a ship tag?? mind you, that was the one and only “hate post” i’ve EVER put under that fuckass tag 😭 bree will make one post about gwiles, and y’all are the ones who’ll drag it out, then call her “obsessed.”we’re doomed bc y’all are doomed.

the white mfs complaining ab the term “snow bunny”… jesus 🤦‍♀️ ts didn’t even mean what you think it meant in the first place. it was originally used to refer to female skiers. some of y’all swear up, down, n all around that being “racist” to white people is the same as racism towards black people, and it’s not. let’s use “snow bunny” and the n-word as examples:

snow bunny had an alternative use before it was used to refer to white people. there’s no significant history behind it at all, unless you count tiktok as history. the n word has always been the n word. it’s always been derogatory, and anyone will a brain would know it’s mad history behind the word. it roots in deep hatred. people continue to use this word to belittle those who are black, or use it lightly around their friends nd behind closed doors as if it’s a common cuss word. y’all’s experiences with “racism” are nowhere near comparable to the experiences black people have BEEN facing and will be facing for fucking ever. white people have and always will be seen as the superior race, therefore, you face minimal to no “racism” outside of the internet, and i’d do anything to be able to say that. don’t even @ me talking about “🥹🥹 that doesn’t make racism against white people oka—“ i don’t care. at all. drink some water. you’ll be fine.

“you guys hate women!!!” “y’all hate gwen bc she’s white!!” like, you sound so fkn dumb nd all i can do is sit and stare at you.

me nd bree are black girls. people from EVERY race and EVERY ethnicity hate black people and EVERYONE hates black girls. hell, not even black men like us. why on god’s green mf earth would we ever want sb else to feel that way??

yk what y’all need to do? y’all need to quit whining and accept the fact that bree doesn’t like gwen because of what she did to miles. it’s as simple as that. stop trying to complicate things bc you so desperately want to deem her and other people who hate gwen “racists” or “misogynists.” no. i fw gwen heavy, nd me and bree are able to coexist bc neither of us are fucking delusional and regularly touch grass 🤷‍♀️ same thing with all my other mutuals.

meanwhile, you hoes get your panties in a twist when sb calls gwen a snow bunny as if she’s a sentient being who’s going to cry over ts, like, no. your feelings are hurt? take a fucking walk! nobody has to like her.

and punkflower, oh my god 😐 i’ve never been homophobic and i never will be. i’m literally queer. i’m not about that friendly fire before y’all try and call me homophobic. my thing is, if hobie was originally supposed to be a nineteen year old, n now his age is unconfirmed, why in the hell would we go and age him down to sixteen?? all y’all wna do is ship that man with miles or write smut about him. some of y’all wanna do both!! you change his age when it’s convenient to you. if you don’t see an issue with that, then i can’t help you. you’re weird. until i hear otherwise from one of the directors, he’s 19.

ghostflower or gwiles 🙃 the reason y y’all are sobbing or wtv. i thought y’all were exaggerating when you said gwiles was your religion, but it’s looking like i was very incorrect. real talk, ion like that fuckass ship. i don’t have to and neither does anybody else. just like you lames do with gwen, you dig deep in your ass for every problematic reason possible. “you have a racial bias!!!” “you hate interracial relationships!!” the fuck?? 😭 do you cunts read what you write before you post it?? “they’re more obsessed with gwiles than we are” “they must be in love with ghostflower & gwen”

…huh? covid really set some of y’all back tremendously because it seems a concerning amount of you lack critical thinking skills. in reality, just like hating gwen, the reason we dislike gwen and miles together is SO very simple. it all boils down to the fact that gwen did miles dirt. and i’ve made a separate post, i’ve talked about why they would never work imo. when i present y’all with my logical reasoning, you dgaf! so the only thing you can do now is shut the hell up, unclench, and cope. since you wna get in your feelings bout it, fuck gwiles, n fuck you too.

y’all even got some of your own people agreeing w me, props to y’all btw 👏 it’s never you i’m talking about.

i hate that y’all made it this deep bc it didn’t need to be. this is a fucking movie. none of this is real, yet you continue to harass me and bree like we murdered your immediate + extended family + the family dog that had cancer. i find myself hoping that one day y’all will realize how dumb you sound, but then i remember some of you niggas are already grown, so it’s looking quite improbable.

and also, don’t b up in my reblogs chattin’ it up about shit i’ve explicitly stated that idc about. i won’t repeat myself because you can’t read. if this post hasn’t shown you i don’t give even half of a fuck about you or your feelings regarding ANYTHING at this point in time, then i don’t really know what will 🤷‍♀️

if i made you mad, go ahead nd suck it up fa me. we won’t be going toe to toe and debating on MY blog because you’ll be actively wasting your own time, as i am not willing to hear anyone out. it’s been that way from the start and it won’t change. if you send an anon message or any type of inbox w some bs then it’ll sit there until the end of time or be swiftly deleted. if you reblog this post trying to invalidate anything i just addressed, i won’t even give you the time of day, bc i said everything that needed to said. i was very articulate and extremely clear. know that i can’t and won’t be swayed in the slightest. we’d just go back and forth until you decide to shut your mouth or block me. so block me now. ian the one.

if you don’t get it, then you don’t fucking get it, but what y’all aren’t gna do is treat people the way y’all were treating bree just because she hates two ships + gwen stacy. you complain about how the fandom sucks like you’re not the same people who make being in fandoms in unenjoyable.

you usually have to go to a therapist and pay for reality checks. luckily for y’all, i gave you one for free! you needed to be humbled and i happily did the humbling. lil piece of advice: stop trying to force people to gaf if they clearly do not. block and move on with your life. you gon get tired one day. leave me, bree, n anyone else you bother tf alone. spend your energy trying to change people’s minds on REAL ISSUES that actually matter, not fucking spider-man.

whew, ANYWAY… i hope i never have to speak bout this again. act right in the near future n i won’t have to “invade your tags” with long paragraphs in which i set you fools straight, thank yewww! 🫶

god bless!! 💗

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

THE APOCRYPHON OF JAKE ENGLISH

THE APOCRYPHON OF JAKE ENGLISH (53399 words) by optimisticDuelist, KeeperofManyNames Chapters: 8/8 Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider Characters: Jake English, Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde, Alternate Calliope (Homestuck), Original Characters Additional Tags: Suicide, Graphic Depiction of Suicide, Negging, Parental Negligence, Abuse, Manipulation, Xenophobia, Sexual Themes, Toxic Masculinity, Religious Themes, Pantheons, Discussion of Infidelity, Discussion of Genocide, Nonconsensual Immortality, Suicidal Ideation, Impalement, Shooting, Stabbing, Phallic Symbolism, Necrophilia, Mightve forgot other stuff, If youre worried pls have a friend vet it for you, Ill add tags if people deem them necessary, Epilogues Sequel, Canon-Compliant, canon non-compliant, Canon Divergence Series: Part 1 of Pumpkin Path Summary: If you didn't like the epilogues there's probably nothing here for you, but this was basically my emotional processing for them and I think what came out of it was a lot of fun, if fucked up. Anyway. dirkjake: not only still good, but better now that its worse actually. here's my thesis on why as well as my attempt to deconstruct the narrative pandora's box that is jake goddamn english.   Every hat in attendance MUST be doffed deferentially to sam keeper, who i made co-author because i swear to god this shit was never getting posted ever if she didn't step in to save my sorry ass with her bonkers efficient text formatting skills. I cannot imagine trying to color format all of this stuff by hand and even with the text formatting its probably only sometimes legible LOL. Let me know how that goes for y'all.

~~~~~~~~~

@utopianparadoxist brings us this brilliant work set in the realm of the epilogues. Jake English is giving us the pumpkin path! check out the blog to find out more.

[galvanizedfriend]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @kirythestitchwitch and @morningstargirl666 🤗

How many works do you have on ao3? 22! But I think I currently have two or three fics that are private because I keep meaning to rewrite and never get around to it.

What's your total ao3 word count? 1.617.205 😗

What fandoms do you write for? Currently only The Vampire Diaries/The Originals.

Top five fics by kudos: The Wolf (surprising no one, The Originals S1 rewriting), The Wolf II (surprising no one², The Originals S2 rewriting), Vice & Virtue (very surprising this has more kudos than TWIII lol, regency AU), The Wolf III (The Originals S3 and 4 rewriting) and The Sound of Settling (that time I committed coffee shop!AU).

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to always keep up with comments, but I get a little behind from time to time, especially with comments left on older fics. Sorry, folks 🥲 With WIPS, I tend to always reply to comments right before or immediately posting a new chapter.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Pendulum, for sure. The alternative ending is pure angst (and I love it very much, there's so much meaning and to me it's a perfect ending for that story).

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All the others lol All my fics have a happy ending, Pendulum is an exception.

Do you get hate on fics? Not so much anymore, though I did recently get a bitter anon here on tumblr. But yeah, I've received a lot of hate over the years.

Do you write smut? Occasionally, when I feel like the story asks for a smutty scene, but more often than not I go with the classic fade to black.

Craziest crossover: I've never written crossovers, though I have written lots of AUs inspired by other things (I forgot what those are called now).

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, I have. A while back this nutjob stole a bunch of fics and published them as originals on Amazon and The Wolf was among them. I got lots of comments from people warning me about it and I managed to get it taken down.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, I have! To Russian and Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have not, though it's a fun idea.

All time favorite ship? My favorite ship is always the current one and I've been stuck on Klaroline for a few years now. Those two idiots in love have my whole heart.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have so many. 🥲 I really wanted to give the TVD S5 rewrite a chance, but really don't think I have it in me to start something like that again.

What are your writing strengths? Oh boy. I suck at paying myself a compliment. But I've heard I write good action scenes? I don't know if it's true. Personally, I think I do a decent job of writing AUs, as in adapting canon aspects to other universes. I don't just plaster names on characters, I try very hard to make sure everything is still recognizable even in a totally different setting (then again, that's very subjective 😂).

What are your writing weaknesses? Wordiness. I am so freaking wordy, my stories are so goddamn long. I wish I could simplify my writing, shorten sentences, but alas. I have these ideas for writing exercises I would like to try with a couple of ideas I have, but I need to finish the ones I have started before I can jump into something else.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If it's single words or short sentences, it's ok. I kinda like it even, but when it's full dialogues in languages I don't understand, it kind of loses me.

First fandom you wrote in? I think I wrote some semblance of fic when I was like 12 for Charmed, though I didn't even know that was fanfiction. But the first conscious fic I ever wrote was for Torchwood.

Favorite fic you've written? Pendulum. I think it's the most original and profound (lol) thing I ever wrote, it expresses many aspects of how I feel about KC. But I also really, really like The Unexpected Grace of Falling Apart. I LOVE romcoms and I think that story is everything I love in that genre, without being completely silly (in my opinion, ofc). Those two fics couldn't be more different if I wanted to, but one thing they have in common is the fact I spent years working on them.

Tagging @definedareasofuncertainty, @howlingmoonrise, @misssophiachase, @jinxedwood, @bettsfic, @bellemorte180, @marginally-accurate, @b-mina and @austennerdita2533!

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone: Chapter 97

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Rake (OFC)

Warnings: profanity and angst

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @munstysmind @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @asirensrage @residentdormouse @alisbackalleybbq @themaradwrites @ninjasawakenedmystar @kmc1989 @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity @karimac @thebewingedjewelcat

If I forgot someone, please let me know! My brain is mush!

My tag list is OPEN! Just ask if you'd like to be added :)

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/127049641

****

He paces the length of the deck as he waits for K to pick up the phone,  occasionally glancing over his shoulder and into the living room. Millie watches him in nervous curiosity;  undoubtedly concerned about his mental and physical well-being, and wondering about the conversation that will take place.  And when he gives her a reassuring smile, his daughter returns it with a shaky one of her own.  Then stretches out on the couch stomach down and faces the sliding door;  chin on her forearm as she continues to keep an eye on him. 

“Rake?” K’s voice on the other end of the line. 

“I’m here.”

“Sorry to call so late.  I know you’ve got little ones to worry about and…”

“No such things as too early or too late.  Not when it comes to my family.  And especially not when it comes to Esme.  I hope you have some good news for me.  That you’re not calling to stall things even more.”

“I’m not…”

“Where’s my wife?  I’m sick of playing these fucking games. Waiting on you to decide what’s best when it comes to her.  You don’t know her.  You don’t know a damn thing about her.  So how about you cut the shit; tell me where she is and I’ll pay you a little visit.”

“I’m not the enemy in this, Rake.  I’m far from it.  If it wasn’t for me…”

“I never said I didn’t appreciate what you’re doing; putting your ass on the line to make sure she stays safe.  But I’m tired of this shit; waiting on you to decide when you’re going to get off your ass and make things happen. I’m nearly out of patience, kid. And you don’t want to see what I get like when I run completely dry.”

“I’ve had to wait things out.  It isn’t easy, you know; finding the time to contact you. Not with all the bodies coming and going from here, all hours of the goddamn day. If any of them were to find out I was talking to you…”

“They’d put a half dozen or so bullets in you.  I get the risk.  But if you continue to fuck me around, whatever they would do to you?  I’ll make it look tame. Now where’s my wife?”

“I can’t let you just show up.  Do you know what kind of firepower we have here?  What kind of training these guys have?  It’ll only make things worse.  Right now,  she’s safe. But I can guarantee that if I tell you where we are and you decide to show your face around here? It’s not going to end well.  Especially for her.  And I know that’s the last thing you want; to put her further at risk. So how about you…”

“How about you give me something to work with, then? That won’t put an even bigger target on her back.  When are we going to meet?  ‘Cause I’m ready to go when you are.”

“Unless you agree to my terms…”

“I already told you. I’ll be alone.  I won’t try and follow when you leave.  I just want to get these meds to her.  To keep her and my baby safe.   Until you’re able to get her out there. So when is it going to be? Because we’ve wasted enough time.”

“Two days from now.  I’ve already made up an excuse.  Had to lower myself to the gutter and use my son, but…”

“We’ve all done things we wish we never had to.”

“You speaking from experience, or…”

“I’ve got a lot of regrets.  That I don’t wish on anyone.  But you’re going to have a bigger one if you don’t stop fucking me around.  We could settle this right now, mate.  Put this all to bed. Avoid all this needless bullshit. Just tell me where she is, and I will come and get her.  With a lot of people and a lot of firepower backing me up.  So if you want to get out of this alive…”

“Do I need to get her back on the phone? Do I…?”

“Don’t do that,” Tyler warns.  “Don’t weaponize her like that.  It’s a real piece of shit thing to do. Weaponize her like that.”

“Look,  I know you’re used to being the boss.  The one calling the shots.  The legendary mercenary who turned himself into a legendary boss. But I need you to let me take the lead on this. I’m the one that’s right in the trenches; trying to keep her alive. BOTH of us alive, for that matter.  And if you come around and fuck things up,  it’s all going to horribly wrong.  You think you have regrets now? How will it be if something happens to her? Because of YOU?”

“Please, Tyler,” Esme begs in the background. “Please just listen to him.   He knows what he’s talking about.  I know it’s hard for you sometimes;  you react emotionally when it comes to me and the kids.  But I need you to just stop. Please. Just stop and think about all of this.  Think about what he’s saying.”

Both chest and throat tighten.   Nearly brought to his knees by the sound of her voice;  the fear and the desperation that weighs down every tearful plea.   And as his grip tightens around his phone, he briefly closes his eyes, struggling to get the mixture of emotions under control. A combination of intense rage,  profound sadness and near-painful helplessness.  And emptiness and loneliness unlike anything he’s ever experienced before.

“I know what it’s like.”  K’s voice is softer; laced with patience and sympathy.  “Being used to always having a handle on things.  The one everyone turns to when there’s trouble.  And I also know what it’s like to feel all that slipping away.  It’s fucking awful, mate.   no longer being in control of things.   Especially through no fault of your own.”

“I have seven kids here.  That need their mother.   And you keeping her away from them even longer than you need to…”

“I’m doing what’s best for her.   I’m not doing this to cause more problems. Or to punish anyone. I know what these people are like; I know the kind of power they have and I know what kind of resources they have backing them up.  It’s why we can’t just jump into things; we need to play along and gain their trust and their confidence.  I can’t just break her out of here.  It’s not that easy.  And I think if you’d look at this as a mercenary and not as a husband, you’d say the same thing.  You wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks with a client, would you? You’d do whatever it takes to keep them safe, yeah?”

“We’re talking about a client. We’re talking about my wife.”

“Which is exactly why you can’t be taking risks.  Why you shouldn’t be WANTING to.  How many times have you had to talk a husband down? Or a wife? From doing something stupid?”

“More than once.”

“Well, now it’s my turn to talk YOU down. I’m not stalling.   I’m not dragging things out to make things worse on you or those kids.  Everything I do? It’s for Esme’s benefit.  And I know it’s a lot to ask, but you need to trust me.”

“That’s awful damn hard.  I don’t even know you.  I don’t just hand out trust to everyone I come across.  You’re holding my entire life in your hands.  And if there’s something I’m willing to die for, it’s her.  You and your buddies fucked with the wrong man.  And the wrong man’s family.  You do all this damage and then expect me to just blindly trust you? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m the one who is keeping your wife and your baby alive.  And if you want to stay that way…”

“Tyler…”  Esme’s voice once more. Tearful.  Terrified. “...please just listen to him.  I’m begging you. Please.”

“I swear to God…”   Tyler growls through clenched teeth. “...if you hurt her in any way…”

“All I want to do is help.  Without causing more issues.  I tell you where we are and you come storming in here?  It will be the worst possible ending. You want your wife and your kid alive? Then you do exactly as I say.”

“Two days.  I’ll meet you at our place in The Kimberley.  If you don’t show up,  I will hunt you down.  No matter how long it takes.  And I will find you and I will make you suffer. Beyond anything you ever thought possible.”

“I don’t doubt it for one second.  But I WILL be there.  We’re on the same side, Rake.   We both want the same thing.  Your wife…safe and sound…back with you and your kids.  I’m not the enemy here.”

“You were.  Four nights ago.  When you showed up at the place in Tasmania.  When you stood by and watched your buddies take my wife.  And then stayed behind to kill me.”

“But I didn’t do it., did I? I backed out.  Couldn’t go through with that.”

“You’re just a regular bleeding heart, aren’t ya.”

“I’m trying my best here, alright?  I don’t want things to get any worse.   And if you don’t listen to me and you track us down and just show up here…”

“I already said  I’d back off.  But we need to get a couple of things straight.   This change of heart you had? When it came to killing me? Everything you’re doing to keep Esme and the baby safe? Whatever plan you’re cooking up to get her out of there? That doesn’t make us friends.  We’re not buddies. We’re not going to be hanging out or going for beers or sending each other Christmas cards.  Once this is over? You disappear. I better never see or hear from you again.”

“Fair enough.”

“And if anything happens to my wife, you’re going to wish you’d killed me that night.  Because I will hunt you down.  And I will put you in the ground. Don’t fuck me, mate.  Because those stories you’ve heard?  About the things I’ve done? The things I can still do?  They’re all true.”

“I never doubted it for a second.”

“I’ll meet you in two days.  You don’t show up?  I WILL find you.”

“I’ll be there,” K assures him. “And do as I say; don’t bring an army with you, don’t try and stop me from leaving, don’t have anyone follow me. I’m the only thing that stands between your wife and whatever these assholes have planned for her.  I’m sure you don’t want to chance it.”

“You just make sure she stays safe.  That no one lays a hand on her.  And if I find out all this time that you’ve done nothing but fuck me around…”

“If there was ever a time for you to trust someone, this is it. You need to take me at my word.  That I’ll keep her safe and sound and find a way to get her the hell out of here.”

“And what are you going to want in the end? If this all goes according to plan?  If you get her out of there and I bring her home? What are you going to want? As reward? A payment?”

“Just my safety.  All limbs attached to my body. All my internal organs still inside and functioning properly.”

“I guess we’ll just have to see about that.”

“Two days. I’ll be there.”

“Yeah…” Tyler snarls. “...you fucking better be.”

******

He wakes to the sound of little feet and voices overhead.  Addie and Brookie whispering and giggling as they scurry down the hall and towards the stairs. Declan cheerfully obliging Takota’s request to piggyback him to the kitchen as  TJ mutters in that grumpy, first thing of the morning way of his;  yet showing off his unlimited patience when it comes to Tanner’s cheerful, incessant rambling about the dreams he’d had.  And Millie and Alannah, discussing their plans for the day: seeing a movie with Nanny Stel, Addie, Takota and the older kids. 

It resembles a typical morning in the Rake house. A mixture of the immediately cheerful and energetic and their easily annoyed and frustrated counterparts.   Yet the reality will soon set in;  the realization that -as they’re settling into breakfast- that a huge part of their household is missing. An empty chair at the kitchen table serving as a stark reminder of the nightmare that is continuing to unfold around them.   

The little ones greet him with their unusual enthusiasm; Addie declaring how much she’d missed him and the tearfully declaring how she’d been worried when she’d woken up in the big bed and he wasn’t there to snuggle into.  He’s the best for snuggles after all; his body is big and strong and warm and safe.  

The safest place on earth, in her opinion.

With the help of Estelle, he manages to get the day started. Not only Fighting through the incessant pain that inhabits nearly every inch of his body, but struggling with the immense emptiness that Esme’s absence has left him with.

He’s standing on the back deck when Brookie rushes over to him; nursing his second cup of coffee and watching as the kids tend to their weekend chores. Watering the various plants in the garden and cleaning out the animal habitats; making sure food and water dishes are full and showering the ‘pets’ with unlimited love and attention.  They’d all been taught at an early age to put in the work;  learning as they toddled alongside their parents and asked what seemed like a million and one questions.  Their enormous levels of curiosity quickly paying off;  experiencing that rush that comes with the reward of accomplishment and pride.  

 Esme and him had always been on the same page when it came to how to raise a family;  he can easily remember those early days when Millie was still in her belly. Those often emotional late-night chats about the things they’d been robbed of in their childhoods; filled with promises to make sure their offspring never suffered in the same way.  Both determined to provide the same things:  lots of love, acceptance, and support.  While they’d be given both things they would need and desire, they would also be trusted with responsibilities; simply chores that would start in the toddler years. Their parents wanting them to grow up to be not only self-sufficient adults but damn good humans; compassionate and empathetic and blessed with both book smarts and practical hands-on knowledge.

“Daddy!” Brooklyn wraps an entire hand around one of his fingers and gives a firm tug.   “We got a problem!”

“What kind of problem?”

“A big one! No one got Pumpkin Lumpkin’s carrots ready! Momma always does them the night before; she puts them in a bag and puts them with my helmet and my boots.  So we don’t have to rush around and do stuff. But momma isn’t here so now…” Taking a deep breath, she exhales dramatically. “... there’s no carrots to take!”

“We’ll stop at the store.  On the way to the stables. We can run in and…”

“That won’t do! It’s not the same! Pumpkin doesn’t like the ones from the store!”

“I highly doubt Pumpkin knows the difference between store-bought and ones from our garden.”

“She’s REALLY smart, dad.  Super smart! She definitely knows! And she likes mommy’s carrots best. ‘Cause mommy’s are  grown with love.  ‘Cause she sings and talks to her plants and that makes them taste better.  Pumpkin will know something is wrong. If we don’t bring momma’s carrots.  And I don’t want her to know about mumma. I don’t want her to be depressed like us.”

His throat tightens and his heartaches.  Even in the smallest and most mundane of ways, Esme’s absence is an enormous loss to all of them. “I promise I won’t tell her.  And we still have a bit of time before we leave. Why don’t you run and grab some carrots?  That we can take with us.”

Brooklyn’s face visibly brightens at the suggestion. “I’m going to pick the best ones! Pumpkin deserves them!”

“Well, leave some good ones for humans. We gotta eat them too.”  He tousles her hair before she runs off, then calls to Declan to help her in the garden.  He’s inherited his mother’s green thumb; first developing a love for all things gardening when he was merely four years old.  Always excited to be ‘helping her’;  all smiles and giggles and chatter as he walked alongside her, carrying a watering can.

“Looks like ‘business as usual’ around here.”  Riley’s voice comes from behind as she lingers in the open doorway; leaning against the frame with her arms folded against her chest. And Tyler briefly glances over his shoulder; immediately noticing the absence of the vibrance that normally accompanies the redhead. Currently replaced by stormy eyes, furrowed brow,  and tightly set jaw. 

Sighing, he  turns his attention back to the hustle and bustle in the backyard.“Gotta keep things as normal as possible for them.”

“Things are as far from normal as they can possibly get.”

“I need to try to bring them a little bit of happiness.  Not every aspect of their life has to completely suck.”

“You certainly don’t seem to be suffering any.  You’re just back to everyday life.”

He wants to argue about it being the furthest thing from the truth; remind her that he’s the one suffering the most. Both emotionally and physically.  But at the same time, he understands her anger. Albeit misplaced, she’s worried and terrified and desperate to ‘get the show on the road’.  Anxious to do whatever she can to help find her sister.   And it’s her heartache that is convincing her that she needs someone to blame.  That she has to hold someone responsible for what happened.

“I’m just doing my best.  Trying to hold things together.  For my kids.”

Riley joins him, laying both forearms along the top railing of the deck.  “Might be better for them if they see something…anything…from you. Emotion wise.”

“I’ve shown a lot of emotion.   In front of them.  Just because you haven’t personally seen it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.   I could turn the tables and say the same thing about you.  You haven’t exactly shed a tear.  Ranted and raved.  Not since a couple of days ago anyway.”

Scowling, she casts her brother-in-law a sidelong glance.

“I heard what you said.  To Shaena.  I heard ALL of it.  And I wasn’t going to say anything but I totally get where it’s all coming from.  It’s a hell of a thing that happened and we’re all suffering and we’re all trying to find a way to cope.   And I’ve been there myself;  worried and scared and angry and needing to take it all out on someone.  I think it’s pretty normal for a lot of people;  needing someone to place the blame on.  Even if it is no one’s fault.”

“But it IS your fault.  The blame is all on you.  You’re the reason this happened.  You and what you do for a living and all the people you’ve pissed off and…”

“What happened has nothing to do with me.  These people? That took your sister?  They’re from HER past.  Not mine.”

“Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear from you. Victim blaming.  Especially when the victim is your own wife. My sister.”

“That’s NOT what I’m doing.  I’m trying to explain my side of things. I was the one who was there, Riley. Not you.  All these details you have in your head? You put them there. I didn’t.  No one else. You let your imagination run wild; your brain made up all kinds of bullshit and you’re actually believing it.  Everything you said to Shaena? None of it was true.”

“Seems like it’s pretty cut and dry.  Someone is out for revenge. And they’re getting it through my sister.”

“There’s nothing cut and dry about this.  And yeah, they’re out for revenge. But not because of something I did.  Not because of the past I’ve led.   I HAVE crossed a lot of bad people. Stepped out on a lot of toes. Burned a lot of bridges. And I see how it makes sense;  someone out to get me so they chose her as a target. But that’s not what it’s about AT ALL.”

“Don’t even try and pretend you’re innocent in all of this. That who you are and what you do didn’t play some kind of part. Don’t…”

“I wasn’t even going to tell you all of this.  I even asked Shaena and everyone else who knows the details to keep it from you.  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to spare you from all of that.  Because this IS your sister we’re talking about.  But if you’re going to keep up with your bullshit, maybe it’s better if you do know the truth. So you shut the fuck up about me.”

Riley blinks at the vehemence in his voice.

“This is about Mark.  He’s the one behind this.”

“Mark.   Douchebag ex-husband extraordinaire?  That’s who we’re talking about, right? THAT Mark?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.  Don’t be a condescending little bitch. Yes. THAT Mark.”

“The same Mark that cheated on her while coming back from their honeymoon? By joining the mile high with a stewardess?  The same Mark that used to beat her senseless?  Force her to eat food off the floor?  Rape her? That put her in the ICU? TWICE.”

“I know everything he’s done.  Everything that he put her through. I probably know more than you do. Things she never even told you.”

“The same Mark that you ordered someone to kill? Only to later find out he was still alive? The same ‘back from the dead’ Mark you ever told my sister about?  Until it was too late?”

“I had my reasons. For not saying anything to her.  There was a lot going on; I had just been through all that bullshit with Nathan, she was pregnant with the twins. She didn’t need anything else added to her plate. I didn’t think it mattered; whether he was really dead or not.  She THOUGHT he was.  And that made her really feel at peace for the first time in years. I did what I had to do. For HER.”

“How come every time you decide something for her it ends up being the shittiest possible outcome?”

“I had no idea it would come back and bite me in the ass.  He flew under the radar for five years.  I thought he’d just given up; decided to leave us alone and go on with his life. How the fuck was I supposed to know he’d do some shit like this? You think I wanted this to happen? That I somehow ASKED for it to happen? Esme may be your sister, but she’s MY wife.”

“If you’d just left her alone. In Dhaka. If you’d just kept your dick in your pants…”

“Don’t bring that up. You have no idea what happened in Dhaka. During those five days. But it was more than that. Way more.”

“Y0u should have let her walk away. Afterwards.”

“I was in a coma. I woke up, she was there. I didn’t force her to stay.  I didn’t hold a gun to her so she’d stick around. That was HER decision.  Both on the bridge and off it.”

“You should have MADE her.  You should have…”

“She’s a grown woman, Riley.  She was a grown woman when we met.  Every decision she made? She made it on her own.  She stayed because she wanted to. Simple as that. And you know Esme as well as I do. No one tells her what to do. NO ONE.”

“You brought her into this kind of life.  You did whatever it took to KEEP her in it.  Knowing that there were people who would just love to get revenge. And use her to do it.  THAT should have been enough to convince her to walk away. That was selfish, Tyler.  And deep down, I think you realize that. You were selfish to bring her into this life.  And to bring kids into it, too?”

“I love your sister.  More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.  I don’t regret how we met.  I don’t regret not trying harder to push her away.  I don’t regret a goddamn thing when it comes to her.  And yeah, there were times I didn’t do right by her. Where I was a really shit husband.  But we got past all that. We worked on our shit.  We still work at it. Every day.  So for you to stand here and accuse me of manipulating her or bullying her or…”

“What happened, Tyler? The other night? HOW did it happen? Can you at least tell me that? How someone like you -with all your skills and all your strength and experience and all the blood on your hands- could let this happen? How could you let them take her?”

“I didn’t LET them take her.  Look at me! Look how fucked up I am! Does this body look like it belongs to someone who just LET them?”

“She isn’t here, is she?  You have no clue WHERE she is.”

“You weren’t there. In Tasmania. You don’t know what went down.  I didn’t stand a chance.  It wasn’t just one or two guys.  I’m not even sure how many there actually were.  But they knew they had to blindside me; take me down and keep me down.  They knew every weak spot.  Every fucked up part of me.  And that’s how they were able to do it.  They took me out first and then went for her.  Do you really think I’d just let them walk in and grab her? You really think that little of me?”

“I never…”

“I fought. For as long and as hard as I could. I wouldn’t look like this if I didn’t.  And you know what they did? When it still wasn’t enough for him? They used her against me.  They were going to kill her, Riley. If I didn’t stop fighting and I didn’t calm her down.  They would have killed her right in front me. Maybe even done some really sick shit to her before that.  And you know what? They probably would have left me alive. So I’d remember every second of what she went through for the rest of my life.”

“Tyler…”

“Yeah, I gave up.   And that’s the only reason she’s still alive.”

“You don’t know that she is.”

“I DO know that.  I can’t tell you how. But I know that she is.  She’s not a hundred percent safe, but she has someone working damn hard to get her away from these people.  I love your sister.  I’d never do anything to hurt her.  Not intentionally.  I WILL find her. And I will make them pay. For EVER touching her.”

“You promised her.  When you met.  That you’d protect her. No matter what. Against anyone and everything.  You PROMISED,  Tyler.”

“And I meant it.  Every word.  I didn’t have a choice.  It was either lose her right there and then, or keep her alive and then do everything I had to to track her down.  It wasn’t an easy decision, believe me.”

“Promise me you’ll bring her home.  No matter what. Even if she is…”

“She’s NOT dead. She’s very much alive.  And I know you’re stressed and you’re scared and you’re pissed off.  I get it, believe me.  But I’m not the enemy here. I didn’t want any of this to happen.  All I want is for her to be here.  With me, with her kids.  That’s all I want. More than anything.  My entire existence? My world? It begins and ends with her.”

“Daddy! Daddy, look what I got!”  The soles of Brookie’s bare feet slap against the wooden deck as she races towards him.  And Riley mouths a ‘I’m so sorry’ before giving his arm a comforting squeeze and bidding a hasty retreat into the house.

Managing to swallow down the emotions,  he turns to Brookie with a smile.  “What’cha got?”

Frowning, she makes her way to the sliding door and peers inside, looking for her aunt.  “Where’d she go?”

“Who?”

“Auntie Riley. She was here and then she was gone and she looked really upset and…”

“She had a phone call.  What’cha got?”

The four-year-old relents and hurries over to him, proudly holding out a reusable grocery bag. “Look!! Look at all the carrots I got for Pumpkin Lumpkin! Declan helped me pick all the best ones! We put some in there for Bodhi too, but he loves apples more, so…”

“We’ll grab him some, on our way out the door.  You ready to go or…?”

“Daddy?” Brooklyn tilts her head to the side as she peers up at him. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t look okay?”

“Not really.  ‘Cause of what the bad guys did to you. If you don’t feel like going to the horses, it’s okay.  I won’t be upset. I understand. I know that you got a lot of ouchies.”

“Come here.” Scooping her up with his one good hand, he presses a kiss to her temple and then settles her on his hip.  “I WANT to go, alright?  It makes me happy; getting to spend time with you.  And I really need a little bit of happy right now.”

“I need some too.  But you don’t look so happy right this sec.  You look like you’re going to cry. Is it ‘cause you’re hurtin’? And ‘cause you miss mumma?”

“Yeah…” Manages a smile through a threatening flood of tears. “...I miss her a whole lot.”

“I miss her too. We’ll take lots of pictures! At the stables.  Like we always do.  Mumma always asks to see our photos! We can show her. When she comes home.”

“Gives her something to look forward to, yeah?  I’m sure you guys will have a lot of things to tell her.”

“I already have tons! Lots of stories. But I have to get to her before Addie does or I’ll be waiting forever!”

Chuckling, he places a noisy kiss on her forehead, then tightens his hold on her.  His eyes closed, chin resting on the top of her head.

*****

The stables are half an hour north. Sitting hundreds of acres of land that includes riding and jumping facilities,  buildings for boarding, and a modernized, eight-bedroom farmhouse that comfortably fits the owner and his extended family.  An army veteran thirty years Tyler’s senior; highly decorated and renowned for numerous acts of bravery and selflessness.  They’d met him and his wife through a support group for military PTSD sufferers and their partners, and an instant -albeit slightly reluctant on Tyler’s behalf-  friendship had evolved. 

 He finds it hard to be social. Not one for mindless chit chat and an immensely private person;  always desiring to keep certain parts of his life a secret.  But Esme had needed someone to bond with and he couldn’t deny or rob her of that.  Someone who would understand the fear and the worry and desperate need to take care of him; not judge her those feelings of helplessness when it comes to not being able to ‘fix’ him. And it had given her much-needed support, understanding, and guidance; someone -outside of him- that she could cry and vent to when things just became a little too difficult to bear.  

It was through Karl and Rose that they’d learned about equine therapy and the positive effects on many war vets battling various demons.  After six months of using a facility-supplied horse and being unable to deny the sense of calm and control riding gave him, Tyler had decided to purchase one of his own.   In turn, Brookie had shown and expressed an interest at a very young age; barely two years old when she’d first been taken to the stables and immediately toddling over to one of the holding pens and drawing the attention of many of the horses.  By the time she was three she could ride the ponies; showing impeccable balance and control of the animal for someone so young.  While not interested in the ‘higher end’ activities like show jumping,  she loves both her leisurely rides and how the wind blows through her hair during the harder gallops.  And she doesn’t mind the mess;  helping muck stalls and fill the feed and water troughs. 

Always used to being outtalked by Addie, she seizes the opportunity of being alone with him. Sitting on the hood of the truck while he tends to tying her riding boots and securing her helmet;  chattering about her week at school and about her excitement at getting to ride her horse and even cleaning her stall and grooming her afterwards.  And she skips alongside him as they head into the main holding barn; the bag of carrots and apples swinging  from one hand as the other tightly holds onto two of his fingers.

In that moment,  she reminds him so much of her mother. The zest for life and the intense and unwavering passion she commits to the things she loves. The fierceness with which she protects those closest to her and the startling amounts of empathy and patience.  And that smile as she beams up at him in pure delight; bright and beautiful and crinkling the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose. And somehow -in the painful, horrific midst of his worst nightmare- she manages to pierce the dark and stormy veil that’s shrouded him for the last four days.  Bringing a tiny yet much-needed amount of warmth and sunshine.   

“You know what I want to do, dad? When I’m older? And Pumpkin is too? Guess what I want to do!”

“Show jumping?”

“I already told you tons of times! I’m not into that.  That’s NOT my thing.  That’s more something Addie would do. IF she wasn’t scared of horses. I don’t get it, daddy. How is anyone scared of them? Especially Pumpkin Lumpkin and Bodhi. They’re so sweet! They wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I think it’s because she’s so tiny and they’re so big. It scares her; being so high off the ground.   Probably afraid she’s going to fall off. It’s why your mum doesn’t want to ride.  She’s scared of getting hurt.”

“Bodhi is really big but Pumpkin isn’t. She’s still a baby.  Maybe we can get Addie one of those little mini horses. Remember those? The ones I learned on?  They’re mini just like Addie so maybe she wouldn’t be scared of them.  Can we? Get her one?”

“I can definitely talk to your mum about that.”  

His heart sinks the moment the words leave his mouth. Just something else he took for granted;  her presence in his life, home, and bed always a surety.   And now even the basics have been viciously torn away; he can’t just send a quick text or call her on the phone or simply wait to arrive back at the house to share something he’d seen or heard while he was out. 

For thirteen years,   Esme had been the one constant in his life. Her mere presence had gotten him through the darkest and most trying of days following Dhaka; consistently and devotedly camping herself at his bedside and refusing to leave even when given the most dire of prognosis.   She had supported him through the months of recovery;  his one-person cheering section as he laboured and struggled to relearn even the most basics of tasks and functions.  She had taken him back after their sixth-month separation; tearfully calling him in the middle of the night and begging him to come home.  She’d missed him and didn’t want his absence to become permanent; worried his drinking and drug use would only grow in need and intensity and lead to his demise.  And he’d followed every ‘rule’ that she’d put forth; checking himself into rehab and anger management and agreeing to attend both solo and individual counselling.

She’d been there after Nathan had destroyed both his body and his mind.  Accepting the responsibilities of feeding him, washing his hair, helping him in and out of the shower.  Never losing her patience when the lingering effects of his concussion and added brain trauma had caused him to ask the same questions over and again. She had been by his side when he’d been given the CPTSD and Bipolar diagnosis; angrily and adamantly refusing his suggestion that she walk away and spare herself the torment that would come with having to put up with his ‘episodes’. And the very real worry that he’d one day snap and take all his frustration and hurt out on her and the kids.

“We’re better together than we are apart,”  she’d reminded him.  “You said  that yourself. In Dhaka. So if you think I’m letting you deal with this on your own, you’ve got another thing coming.”

So many roles in his life that she fills.  Loyal confidant.  Fervid supporter.  Best friend.  Lover.  Wife. Mother of his children.  And he’s simply not ready to give any of those up. 

But it’s lonely and he feels so empty.  His broken and aching body constantly reminds him that he isn’t the same man he used to be.  And he worries that maybe…just maybe…he really HAD failed her.  Reneging on his wedding day promises to provide for her and love her and cherish her. To keep her safe, happy and warm.

And to always…above all else…protect her. 

“Mumma will say yes!” Brookie declares, oblivious to the darkness that has descended upon him.  “Mumma loves animals! Like me.  And like you! We all love animals!”

“No one loves quite as much as you. And you never did tell me what you wanted to do.  When you’re bigger.”

“I wanna own a ranch! Just like this one. Well maybe not JUST like it, ‘cause I wanna raise cattle and have some alpacas and a pumpkin patch where people come at Halloween! I’m going to decorate it all up and it’s gonna have apple cider and pumpkin muffins and cookies and pie and there’s gonna be a haunted house! And a hayride! There’s GOTTA BE a hayride.”

“What are you going to do the rest of the year?”

“Spend time with my cows. And my alpacas. Don’t worry, I’ll have some chickens for you and some goats for mum.  ‘Cause they’re YOUR faves.   Maybe I’ll even have horse riding lessons and stuff like that. Or have summer camps for kids!”

“Sounds like you got it all planned out.”

“I’m gonna be a cowgirl! I’m going to wear cool cowgirl clothes and hats and on special days Pumpkin will get her hair braided and her ribbons will match what I’m wearing.”

“You’re going to make a mint.  Beef is a huge business around here. Always in demand.”

Brookie stops dead in her tracks; brow furrowed as she stares up at him incredulously.  “Excuse you, dad! The cows aren’t going to be for eating! Those cows are gonna be my pets! You can’t eat my pets! You wouldn’t let anyone eat Mac or Saju, would you?”

“There’s kind of a big difference between a house pet and beef cattle.”

“Listen, you can get your meat somewhere else. Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine! I swear if any of them go missing and up in the freezer, I’m going to know it was you! And I’m really going to be pissed and I’m not going to talk to you  for a long time. Like a week. Or two! Just to teach you a lesson!”

“Oh man,” he heaves a long, dramatic sigh. “How will I ever cope? A week or two of peace and quiet?”

“Dad…”  Planting a hand on her hip, she cocks her head to the side. “...that is NOT friends!”

“You just told me I can’t eat beef again. I’m a carnivore, damn it.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t eat it ever again! I said you have to get it from someone else!  Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine.  That’s eating your own grandchildren, you know.  That’s the only kids you’re getting from me! Why would you eat them?  You’ll be okay. You’ll find meat somewhere else. Just go to the shops!”

“How did you know ‘carnivore’ means someone that eats meat? You’re only four.”

“It’s ‘cause  I’m smart. Like mum.”

Tyler smirks. “Is that a backhanded way of calling me stupid?”

“You’re smart too, daddy.”  Brookie curls her arms around one of his thighs and leans her hand against him; eyes sparkling mischievously as she grins up at him. “In your own way.”

“You’re a real little shithead, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know!”  With a giggle and a squeeze of his leg, she turns on her heel and skips off into the barn. Pausing only long enough to cast a glance over her shoulder and add, “Mum says I get it from you!”

*****

An hour later, he keeps an ear open for any difficulties in the stall next to him.  Brookie tending to Pumpkin; alternating between talking herself through each step of the care routine and repeatedly singing, “Dirty deeds! Done dirt cheap!”. Earlier she’d insisted on carrying the feed and water buckets herself; slow yet steady trips across the barn as she muttered about how heavy the hauls were.  Informing him: “I can do it! I can do it!” each time he offered a hand.

“Daddy?”

Glancing  over his shoulder, he finds his daughter peering through the slats in the wall that separates the horses’ stalls “Brookie?”

“I got a bit of a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Pumpkin is out of those salt licky things and I checked the storage in here and there’s none there.  I know where they keep them. Out back. And I’m not supposed to go anywhere unless I tell you or ask permission. 

So is it okay if I go and grab some? I’ll be really quick. Like a ninja.”

“Promise? Just there and back? No stopping every stall to say hi to the horses?”

“I promise. There and back! No stopping to say ‘hi’. But it’s going to kill me not to!”

“Go ahead then.”

Tyler keeps an eye on her from over the partition; gaze following as she bolts from Pumpkin’s stall and then scurries through the barn and towards the rear exit.  And he returns his attention to Bodhi when the four-year-old steps out into the sunshine;  speaking in a low, smooth tone as he gently glides a brush through the horse’s mane and along his glistening, chestnut coat.  

There’s something so comforting about it;  the smells, sounds, and sights within the barn’s four walls.  The smoothness of the horse’s coat against his palms and the coarseness of the mane as it slips through his fingers.  Far more therapeutic than any counselling session has ever been; no awkwardness between yourself and a doctor,  no embarrassment at some of the secrets and confessions you share.  And he thoroughly enjoys his time at the ranch;  left alone to tend to his own business and the fresh air and rolling hills soothing him in ways no medication ever could.

He’s filling the water and food troughs when it happens.  An ear-piercing scream that he can hear over the din inside the barn; managing to find its way over the rustles of horses within their stalls and the loud chewing and slurping and the grunts and neighing.  And it makes his blood run cold and every hair on his body stands on end;  initially rooted to the spot he stands in before his instincts take over.  Crossing the stall in two long strides and rushing for the exit; hand reaching under the bottom of his t-shirt for the Glock -nestled in its holster- that he’d clipped to his jeans before leaving the house.

“Daddy!” Brookie’s panicked voice floats in the air. “Daddy! Help! Help me please!”

The sunshine burns his eyes when he steps outside; initially blinding him.  When he regains his senses he glances down and finds a panicked Brookie looking up at him;  her vision blurred by tears of both frustration and fear.    And both feet stuck in a large, thick puddle of mud.  

“Daddy, help! I can’t get out!  I can’t move my boots! Not without my feet coming out!”

Relief surges through him and his fingers slip from the handle of the Glock; tucking it back into its resting place and covering the holster with the bottom of his t-shirt.   And he drops to a knee in front of his daughter; her hands immediately clutching his shoulders as he investigates the situation. 

“Calm down. You’re alright. I’ll get you out of there.”

“What if you can’t? What if I have to stay here forever?!”

“That’s not going to happen. It’s just mud.  Not like you’re stuck in concrete.”

“What if it isn’t mud? What if it’s quicksand? What if it’s quicksand and it sucks me under!”

“I won’t let that happen. And besides, it’s NOT quicksand.”

“How do you know?”

“I know everything, remember? Santa’s email and phone number, how to speak kangaroo.  Now just take a breath and calm down and I’ll have you out of there in no time.”

“I don’t want to lose my boots! They’re my favourite! Mummy got them for me.  And it might be the last thing she ever bought me and I won’t have them anymore and…”

“You won’t lose your boots,” he assures her. “Or your mum.  She’s got a long life ahead of her. Lots of time left to buy you things.”

“You sure?”

“I am one hundred percent sure.  I’m going to find her mum and bring her home and she’ll never…ever….get taken away again.”

“You promise?”

Tyler mods.

“Pinkie promise?”

He hooks his little finger around the much tinier one offered to him, then leans in to peck his daughter’s forehead.  “You’re alright, Brookie.  Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re not going to be stuck here forever. Maybe a few days. At the most.  And if that happens, I promise I’ll come visit three times a day and bring you all your favourite snacks.”

She manages a shaky, tearful smile.

“Let’s get you…and your boots…out of there, yeah?  Then we’ll get you clean and finish stuff with Pumpkin and Bodhi and go for ice cream?”

“Can we get a banana split to share? That’s always our special treat.”

“You read my mind. I was just thinking the same thing.  Come on, let’s get you out of this nasty old mud.”

As he begins working at clearing layers of mud with his bare hands,  her much smaller ones come to rest on his shoulders; tiny body leaning into his, her chin resting on the top of his head.  And after several minutes of scooping away muck and wrinkling her legs, she’s finally free and she gives an ecstatic cheer, an enormous sigh of relief, and then promptly bursts into tears.

“Daddy…” Her sobs shake her entire body, and she curls her arm around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder.  “...Daddy…”

He wordlessly comforts her; one muddy hand in her hair and the other on the small of her back.  Waiting until her sobs diminish in frequency and force before speaking.  “This isn’t just about getting stuck in the mud.  And the boots.”

Brookie vigorously shakes her head.

“It’s about your mum, yeah? And how much you miss her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to.  And I’m not going to force you to.  As long as you know that when you’re ready to get it all out, you know where to find me.  You’ll come to me, yeah? And tell me all about it?”

“I don’t want to make you more sad.”

“Listen to me, Brookie.”   Pulling away, he clasps her face in his hands.  “It doesn’t matter what I’m feeling or what I’ve got going on.  Don’t ever worry about that.  You come first. You and your brothers and your sisters. So promise me;  that you’ll come and talk to me. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“ I know you want to be strong.  Especially for Addie.  And you are an incredibly brave and strong little girl for even trying.  But do you know what the best thing is? For your sister?  For her to see you get upset.  Because she might be older, but she idolizes you and wants to be just like you.  And right now? She needs to know it’s alright to be sad.   To get angry. Cry a lot.  That’s what she needs.   I mean look at your brothers;  they’re not afraid to show it.  Even TJ and Delcan, as tough as they are.  Even She-Beast Millie’s been out in the open about it.”

“She-Beast,”  Brookie repeats, and manages a giggle. “And you cry too.”

“I do.  Lots of daddies cry.  Even the really big and really strong ones.  It took me a long time to do it, though. In front of people. And you know who taught me that it was alright? Your mum.  And she is the smartest person I have ever known. Not to mention the strongest.  So don’t hide things, okay?  That’ll just hurt worse in the end. And for a long time.  I don’t want that for you.  I don’t want you to end up like I did.  Understand?”

She nods. “I understand, daddy.”

“I miss your mumma so much.  Every second of every day.  She’s not just my wife and the mother of my kids, but she’s my best friend.  And she’s been all those things for a long time now.”

“You promise you’ll find her? And bring her back?”

“I will do everything I can to make that happen. So that we get a lot more years with her.  So she gets to meet her four-legged grandchildren.”

Laughing, Brookie rests her forehead against his.  “I’m scared, daddy.”

“I know.”  Pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, he again embraces her;  large, muscular arms holding as tightly as that little body will allow.  “So am I.”

[princessofxianle]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

well THANK YOU for asking, you are the first to!

tbh ive been meaning to do this on my main blog bc I take these wayyy too seriously lol but ANYWAY heres my top 10 faves (in no particular order) that I can think of (tbh theres prob more i forgot about, or i wanted to keep only 1 per fandom... except tgcf)

Huge Spoiler Warning: for ALL of tgcf, 2ha, aot, AND JJK MANGA!!!

1. Feng Xin (tgcf)

do i even need to explain this one? loyal to a fault, just a cute lil puppy, one hell of a sculpted archers back, and he's head over heels in love with Xie Lian (but tbh same) i have a lot of thoughts about him on a daily basis on this blog (and also theres the #fx backstory au tag)

2. Noé Archiviste (the Case Study of Vanitas)

MY BABY

the absolute bestest boy of EVER... with a LOAD of unprocessed trauma (yknow the typical stuff like seeing your childhood bff get decapitated in front of you) and a lot more to come once we find out how he kills his boyfriend best friend, Vanitas...

i ALSO think about him a lot but over on @noes-pillow

3. Sejanus Plinth (The Hunger Games: tbosas)

hated reading as a child... HATED it... picked up the og trilogy when i was 12 and i was a goner. The funny thing is i still hated reading for YEARS up until i picked up the prequel novel then in 2020, and now ive read all of tgcf, 2ha, and more fanfic than i could ever imagine... all because this stupid boy (i love him) chose to trust the WORST person as his friend, rip sejanus my baby

the movie is v good btw, if you havent seen it you should

4. Xie Lian (tgcf)

*Taizi Dianxia Fang Xin Guoshi General Hua Xie Lian*

how this man survived 800 years of being physically unable to die and never went insane is a mystery i will never be able to fully comprehend (aaand im in love with him... hmm i wonder why...)

5. Mihael "Mello" Keehl (Death Note)

the chocolate-addicted blonde boi that was my first anime crush... by proxy I must also add Mail "Matt" Jeevas because they are a package deal

these two are also the reason i started writing fanfic so they will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart

6. Xue Meng - (2ha)

*sigh* he's just everyone's fav peacock (yes technically the image is XM 0.5 but he had a cool ass bird so im using this photo bc its COOL anyway...) mengmeng is another one of my trauma bois who has lost next to everything and yet is STILL kicking ass and taking names #thatsmyfuckingsectleader so proud of you my son

also this might get me into hot water here but imma go ahead and say it...

this is what i wanted Jiang Cheng to be... (i LOVE my angy grape but...) through thick and thin, despite EVERYTHING, and even mo ran fucking abandoning him he will still call mo ran his "ge"...

fgjhdfhfdg THEYRE BROTHERS, OKAY???

7. Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

ok this one i just simply do not need to explain... if you think i do, go watch this whole movie and then there ya go thats your answer...

GENDER

8. River Song (Doctor Who)

aside from being the character that unlocked my unhealthy obsession with :) Main Character Death :) at the ripe ol' age of 8 YEARS (although Will Turner from POTC also helped on that front... Orlando Bloom my beloved) River's story was a stroke of absolute GENIUS from start to finish and i simply love how Alex Kingston played her...

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back."

I just love the doomed ones, okay...

9. Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

look... theres *gojo girlies* uwu and then theres GOJO GIRLIES... i couldn't give 2 shits about how he's fan-serviced (tho im not complaining) but have you SEEN the amount of grief pumped into that man? he could explode in a fit of fucking insanity at literally any moment and take the whole goddamn world down with him bc what happened with suguru WASNT FAIR to him and satoru has more than enough power to go apeshit... but he DOESN'T... even after losing so many of his co-sorcerers... he still puts on a brave face to the end in order to protect the childhood of his students even tho his own youth was stolen from him during hidden inventory...

SEE? The DOOMED ones!

10. Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

i read the manga during my last year of uni and when i tell you i SOBBED at the end... yes ofc for obvious reasons, but mostly bc my little Levi loses EVERYTHING. He is the SOLE survivor of the veteran scouts. He's missing multiple fingers, an eye, and the ability to walk. He was the strongest (yowaimo) but wasn't even granted the mercy to die at the end of his narrative! Broke my fucking heart.

BONUS: Morph (Treasure Planet)

he's a morph!!! nuff said <3

fin

[crestfallercanyon]

weekly tag wednesday friday (these last few weeks have been absolute hell so I've missed the last couple i've been tagged in-- but I'm still here!)💞

tagged by the loveliest peoples: @jrooc, @mmmichyyy <3

name and ao3 handle: crest, crestfallercanyon

current location: sitting at my desk at home technically off work but waiting for one person to email me back goddammit

favorite picrew (don't have one?you can skip this or do this one)? (I don't actually smoke btw, but I liked the aesthetic here)

what's one thing you want in a picrew? i hardly ever do them. guess freckles?

favourite thing you’ve created for the fandom? oh that's hard. I loved writing a lot of my fics, but probably was most excited with the final product of all these things I have left to say to you.

why is it your favourite? it'd been a long time since I'd written anything in the first person, especially in an epistolary format. I loved getting in both Ian and Mickey's heads for a fic. I love writing things that are mildly frightening and very surreal, and it was fun to be able to do that here. Especially when people realize what life is like for another person, which Mickey has a moment of clarity when it comes to Ian's BPD in this fic, so. That's probably why.

did it come easily or was it hard to create? It actually came together much faster than I thought it would. I didn't anticipate having much of a part two either, but then I just started going.

last ao3 fic you commented on? Past Anterior by noyeahtotally (Inception) for the third time, I forgot I commented on it previously, but I love that fic.

biggest wip heartache you’ve ever experienced? oh god there's been so many. I'm going to go with the one that immediately came to mind when I thought of this question though and that's A Hundred Thousand Loves (for just this one) by @subjecta5newtella

favorite trope or head canon you like included in a fanfic? don't know if it's a trope, but I do enjoy a good enemies/rivals to lovers. headcanon, for shameless in particular -- which I now realize i don't know if I've ever done this in my fics oops -- but I love when Ian's attention on Mickey feels like a goddamn spotlight. Boy has an intense stare and I think his attention on someone like Mickey, who usually vies for attention via violence and otherwise doesn't want to be bothered, has to both make him itchy and make him preen. I don't know, I just think Ian's full attention, the way he stares, it just seems very focused and I think it'd be a bit like "whoa, shit, okay"

least favourite? love that these are out here for other people, but I personally am not a big fan of a/b/o or mpreg. Also I don't like when characters get super shmoopified by love -- make 'em as lovesick as you want, but even at the most lovesick lovelorn, there are some characters who will not call the object of their affection "pookie"

secret or surprising kink or trope? I love when characters have to pretend to be something they're not? I don't know how else to describe it, but like spontaneous fake dating/fake hating, pretending to be a certain job because they got caught somewhere they shouldn't be, pretending to be an entirely different person in front of the object of their affection because of shenanigans, I find that really fun. Done well, it's just delightful to see the mounting horror of characters look at their loved one like "what in the actual hell are you doing" or having to join in on the charade and be like "what in the actual hell are we doing?"

describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? depends on what I've posted! Sometimes I feel good, sometimes I mainly feel nervous that I fucked something up or forgot something. usually I feel pretty good though.

top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: the discord servers I'm part of are filled with the loveliest hype people -- and then of course I cherish every comment I receive on fics after <3

it's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? read something I've read a thousand times, the same I do with my television -- I go to something I've read or watched so many times that makes my heart happy.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I am already SO late! But thanks for including me still <3

[fantasywritten]

Happy New Year! For my first post of 2023, I just want to spread positivity and thank those who made this year in the tumblr rpc AWESOME! In all honesty, every single one of my mutuals made this past year a great one, so if I forgot to tag you, I’m so sorry! It’s past midnight and I’m EXHAUSTED lol.

@dcmure — I love youuuu!!! You’re such an amazing person and have so much talent! Valerie is one of the best OCs I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with! I can’t wait for more interactions this upcoming year!

@depictedblue — I figured I’d just tag your Cassie blog but this obviously goes for all your blogs lol. I’ve loved writing with you since the moment we met! You’re such a genuinely sweet person and I love every single one of our interactions, no matter which muses we’re using! Here’s to more awesome interactions in 2023!!

@extraordinarygrrls — We didn’t meet that long ago, but ever since we started writing together, I ALWAYS look forward to our threads! You’re such a sweet person ooc and an amazing writer! Plus I love Abby to death lol. More interactions in 2023, coming right up!!

@inkmchine — SAVVY!!! I love youuuu!!! It’s always so much fun to write with you! Your Bendy is AMAZING, and I’ve fallen in love with him (as have two of my muses lmao) because of your spot-on portrayal! There’s a lot of Bendy roleplayers out there, and yours is extra unique because of all your awesome headcanons and all the thought you put into him. Not to mention the fact that you’re an AMAZING artist, like… hello?!? Anyway, I can’t wait to write with you even more!!!

@inkabys — I will literally follow you to the ends of the earth! No matter what blog you’re on, no matter when you’re on tumblr and when you’re not, I always want to write with you! Charlotte’s my favorite XD but all of your other muses are absolutely amazing as well! Always a pleasure interacting with you, and I can’t wait for more of our stuff in 2023!!

@lcveblossomed — Interacting with you is always such a joy!! You somehow manage to bring all these different muses to light! I love all of your OCs, and I love to interact with all your different characters, even if I don’t know their fandoms! Our ships are amazinggg and I’m so glad to have written with you so much last year! I can’t wait to write with you more this year!!

@hellmersmyopathy — I know you’re not super active on this account right now, but I just need you to know how special you are to me. We’ve been friends for a while now and I wouldn’t give that up for anything! The way you write Berlin is INCREDIBLE, and I find myself reading all of your threads just to get more of him! I cannot wait to interact with you more in 2023! Please feel free to reach out to me anytime — I’m always here for you!!! <3

I’m absolutely exhausted so I’m going to bed now, but a special shout-out to the blogs below for being so awesome!

@shireentheunburnt @unsnare @wellfell @chaxticdreamxrs @slashaer @dehvils @auriibus @arcaneprophesied @diviines @hrrorstrie @madeofstxrs @insomniiatic @theolderhenderson @rebelliousfamily @rosydreamiing @wheezycigar @wrenmusezs @queencheer @zoomingupthathill @drecmsdrcwn @familybyerstm @scarednotscary @the-goddamn-babysitter @dcllsent @iworryalotdarling @chocolatercake @thxwxlf @theresastargirl @tragicsongs @killjoysanonymous @truesymphony @hvbris @princewished @lovepurposed

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[covenofthearticulate]

Currents

current time: 11:09pm

current mood: fucking stressed and EXHAUSTED but so so so excited and accomplished. these past 3 weeks I’ve been working a summer camp for middle school kids (the first of FOUR camp sessions throughout the summer hahahaha i’m gonna be dead come august) and tomorrow is our FINAL day of camp with our final performance for friends and family. I’ve spent all week making props and costumes for these little buggers and they look so good, I’m so stoked for tomorrow— we perform on the same stage that LTROI finished on, and it’s MASSIVE so it’s really fun seeing the kids experience ~professional theatre~ for the first time

current activity: whoops I just said this in the last question but LOL i spent the last hour making a cardboard cartoon lightbulb prop and now i have to read an entire 120 page Real Adult Theatre play before a big important grown up meeting tomorrow :/

currently thinking about: i’ll be completely, totally, 100% honest with you: there is not a single goddamn thought in my head right now LOL these last few weeks have left me braindead, i’m just vibing tbh.

current favorite song: disloyal order of water buffaloes by fall out boy LISTEN i’m seeing FOB in 5 fucking days and their tour setlist is so WILD it’s full of random deep cuts which is AMAZING but also i’m kinda freaking out because i feel like a fake fan because even though I do love their early discography I don’t know every single lyric by heart and anyway I’m terrified of them playing a song that I won’t be able to sing along to so I’ve been listening to every album back to front on my commute to work LOL and I just totally forgot what a fucking banger album folie a deux is like jesus christ man. i love fob i don’t care if it’s cringe patrick stump owns my fucking heart.

currently reading:

POTUS: or, behind every great dumbass is seven women trying to keep him alive (for work)

Dracula: A Revenge Tragedy (for funsies)

currently watching: rewatching s1 of The Bear before I can dive into s2! goddamn, the dialogue in that show is so good

current favorite character: ONCE AGAIN i’m in a weird world where i spend my days straddling two fandoms with two characters that are absolute polar opposites. The Louis brainrot is real, but I’m also trying to be consistent in keeping up my Klaus Hargreeves rp blog. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: tumblr roleplay is such a great writing exercise for me because I can write little bite-sized chunks of 3-5 paragraphs and still feel accomplished, so I try to write at least one reply on my Klaus OR my Louis blog every day! Klaus tends to take over my brain in the spring/summer months because he’s extroverted and sunny, whereas my Louis muse tends to peak in autumn/winter months since he’s my cozy introvert boy. 

current WIPs:

Louis/Armand kinkweek bondage/edging session :)

Rue Royale Family Era fluff piece around Bath Time in the Pointe du Lac household

Loustat mirror sex :) 

I’m using this bullet point to formally apologize to folks who sent me prompts that never got filled LOL I do want to try to get to some of them eventually I just have so little spoons it’s tragic lol

tagged by: @hekateinhell hehe ty <3 tagging: @uncivilcivilservice @wicked-felina and anyone else who wants to hop in!!

[grymmnox]

week #36

i forgot it was saturday,, oopsies. tbf im tired

fandom(s): bungo stray dogs, good omens, supernatural

ship(s): soukoku, ranpoe, ineffable husbands, destiel

Oneshots

leaking red glitter; crispy_ceasar - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 2k words | READ TAGS summary: dazai wakes up and he feels like a miracle.

Sunlight; thewritingotter - good omens/spn fusion

teen and up | 12.6k words | aziraphale/crowley, castiel/dean summary: It’s only been a couple of days since their first kiss (the memory of which is seared forever in Crowley’s infernal heart, something he knows he will never allow himself to forget -- not when it’s similarly the most amazing and frightening thing that’s ever happened to him), and while Crowley craves affection and hand holding and all of those soppy things demons aren’t supposed to be in want for, Aziraphale is drastically and very firmly on the other side. He’s stiff and unyielding, and even though Crowley is one of the few who are allowed to touch him, these instances are few and far between. -- Crowley and Aziraphale go on a much needed holiday after the Apocalypse That Didn't Happen.

You're Still A Dream Of Hope To Me; BlackUnicorn - good omens/spn fusion

not rated | 10.1k words | aziraphale/crowley, castiel/dean summary: “There you go, love.” A plate with a generous slice of apple pie was set on the table and the man-shaped being across from Crowley made a face that looked like it was trying very hard to be both exasperated and excited. “You told me to order for you, so I did,” Crowley said, innocently as you please, “And I happen to be rather fond of apples.” *** “What can I get ya?” the waitress asked. “Well – Molly,” Dean read her nametag, “How ‘bout some of that apple pie?” “’fraid that was the last slice,” Molly said and Dean could feel the smile steadily dripping of his face, “We still have cake, though.” “No, thanks,” Dean answered, “Just coffee is fine.” *** It was supposed to be a holiday. Crowley and Aziraphale make a trip to the States for a little change of scenery. Sam and Dean are still recovering from everything that happened. Things sort of go downhill when the Winchesters think they're on a Hunt for a Trickster, then uphill, depending on where you stand, and then they just go sideways.

All In The Pronunciation; Dr_Wahoo - good omens/spn fusion

teen and up | 2.4k words | implied aziraphale/crowley, dean & sam summary: Sam and Dean make the unenviable decision to summon Crowley. However, the demon standing in their summoning circle is decidedly not the right Crowley — or so they think at first.

Complete Fics

I'll crown your inner child with laurel; acuteguwu - bungo stray dogs

mature | 26 chapters, 197k words | chuuya/dazai, chuuya & dazai, poe/ranpo, poe & ranpo | READ TAGS summary: “I didn’t get my education in the best culinary school of France for some mediocre apprentice to tell me how to cook my dishes.” “Just shut it, Chuuya, and salt your goddamn béchamel.” (AU in which Dazai and Chuuya are both competing in the famous culinary contest, but it's more about childhood traumas and attempts to fix them with adult lovestories.)

Incomplete Fics

The Whim of a Cat; Stormlight8 - bungo stray dogs

teen and up | 10/? chapters, 18.1k words | natsume & oda, ango & dazai & oda, dazai & oda, atsushi & oda, ango & oda summary: All it took was a few lines in the Book to change reality. Natsume Soseki, using the page held by the government, wrote a change that came into effect when the Decay of the Angels stole the page: the revival of Oda Sakunosuke. Having not been killed by his battle with Mimic, but believed by everyone to be dead, the ex-mafioso became committed to fulfilling what he had previously failed at. In order to save more innocent children, he had to keep the balance. With the Decay of the Angels disturbing the balance, it was finally time for Oda Sakunosuke to step into the fray. And hopefully, he'd meet a few old friends along the way.

nothing, the wind, the sky; lilydaze (Icosagens) - bungo stray dogs

mature | 2/7 chapters, 19.5k words | chuuya/dazai, (once again, and i cannot stress this enough, past & unhealthy.) dazai/mori | READ TAGS summary: "There's this moment, right before you do it, where your body tries to save you. It's not fear, or hesitance; it's a biological desire to survive that wells up in you and tries to overwhelm you into quitting. It rises up to become this... nearly insurmountable mental block. It's very powerful. It... possesses you. There's a lot of willpower involved in committing suicide, if you didn't know." "Does it," Chuuya asks quietly, "get easier? The more times you do it?" Dazai looks him in the eye. "No," he says. "It doesn't."