#i for one am begging for my life here
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Simone Kessell: Acting at home and abroad... | NZ On Screen
#simone kessell#simonekesselledit#good evening simoaners i hope you like this little gifset <3#i for one am begging for my life here#literally cannot. will not stop thinking about her!!!!#simone the woman that you are i would do anything for you#i am crying on the floor#how can she be ALL THAT. HOW.#i need her so bad#i never had a chance oh mygodd#this is a ten minute interview and i basically giffed everytime she took a fucking breath#i am unwell truly#but thank you simone <3 love u babygirl <3#also @lottiemilfews i remember you using 'simoaning' once and asjfdklas it was so good i just had to borrow it <3#*gdvrx#*alldvrx
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every time someone does “valyrian culture was more egalitarian than andal culture” discourse i point to the fact that jaehaerys invented the doctrine of exceptionalism and was an evil misogynistic menace to every woman he knew, how visenya was not the ruler of their house despite being older, and how the vale which is STEEPED in andal culture & chivalry & the seven regularly has their houses ruled by women in a way that almost no other region outside of dorne has ntm having the ONLY ruling lady of a paramount house INCLUDING VALYRIAN AND FIRST MEN HOUSES and also i start shrieking
#‘the incest isn’t inherently abusive’ i’m begging you to read a single goddamn thing about real life incest. just one.#like sorry u cannot make the argument that valyria was better than the andals when a valyrian house has never been ruled by a woman pre or#post dance and cregan’s sons clearly usurped their own nieces in a parallel to alys.#these people are all misogynistic evil freaks but just in slightly different ways.#the ONLY and i mean O N L Y and i say this as a first men apologist here culture that has even *marginal* respect for women is DORNISH#which is IN FACT a mix of both rhoynish and A N D A L culture. they LITERALLY worship the seven in most of dorne. be serious here.#this is not me discoursing i’m not actually angry the way i am about the butch femme nyra discourse aksjdjd#i find it hilarious avtually that people say the dance is about valyrian women losing power & assimilating into andal culture.#buddy they didn’t have power before the dance either! and the dance doesn’t just fuck over valyrian women it fucks over LITERALLY ALL WOMEN#EVERY SINGLE WOMAN SUFFERS MORE BECAUSE OF THE DANCE. THAT INCLUDES ANDAL AND FIRST MEN DESCENT.#getting on my soap box#gender politics in asoiaf
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Put your lips on my lips, I'll remember your kiss
On the nights when I miss you, uh-uh
Something I can't forget when I'm restless in bed
Yeah, you got me obsessed, hmm-hmm-mmm
#love notes#charli xcx#rina sawayama#beg for you#sometimes i get caught in my brain#my fears bubble when it's late at night#i need you here with me#am i the one you love and want for life#cause you're that one for me#if you have doubts then let me shed some light#i'm so in love with you#there's no question that it's you I've made up my mind
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(rocking back and forth in the corner of an empty room) save me white boy save me white boy save me white boy s
oh my god. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS . BOY.
#my first reaction was ‘what? his eyes do glow!’ and then i proceeded to cry#★ arin rambles#sorry i need to let this out#AVENTURINE. AVENTURINE oh dear#IM DR RATIO YOOHOO#HEYYYYY HEY HEY HEY HEY PLELASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE#IM BEGGING YOU. IM BEGGING YOU#im getting a job so i can e6 him /j#Yall im obsessed with this man i have to have him kill me#like everytime i see him my eyes pop out like those ugly stupid pens with squishy animals on them#i think my body mustve sensed him or something#i literally woke up at 7 am in a cold sweat#im not gonna be normal#IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT#5 DAYS IS TOO LONG YALL IM NOT MAKING IT#IM GOING TO THROW UP#aventurine pleade aventurine please aventurine aventurine save me#AVENTURINE.#Please babygirl what i gotta do to get a suicidal blonde to kiss me around here???????#sorry if you follow me it will get worse#he a masterpiece . he changed my life . he a work of art…….#aventurine honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#AVENTURINE#OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OH MY GOD PLEASEEEE P#PLEASE ONE CHANCE ONE MINUTE ONE SECOND JUST A GLANCE#im gonan thriw up IM GONNA DIE#tears in my eyes
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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i need to know more about tomo pls i love 'dog with separation anxiety' characters
Ok ok I gotta put this under a cut because hes. rotating inside my head always. Going to put a link to his whole little page i posted bc this gives you Some basic information as to his Vibes.
Tomo is a Corrie medic! He’s got a few different like. personas he puts on depending on context. I talk a lot about his Weird Little Unhingedness persona bc thats when he’s letting is all out without hesitation or shame, which is really fun, but he’s a brother first, then a medic, and then a pathetic little creature.
As a vod and a brother, he is very, very loyal and committed to his siblings. His core guiding motivation is to make things better for them, but because of how he thinks this tends to be an individual focus rather than a group focus; he’ll individually get everyone a blanket before pushing for a new project to get everyone blankets, etc.
When he’s off duty and relaxed, he tends to be a friendly, nice guy. Will bend over backwards to help a vod, even one he doesn’t know, with minimal questions asked. Not a whole lot of respect for rules and authority; if you can’t indicate the practical reasons behind a standard or regulation, he will probably ignore it at his convenience. HOWEVER, he is also Definitely younger sibling coded and can be a bit of a shithead as a treat. Kind of a doormat and seems easy to bully but once he realizes he’s being teased or bullied he’ll go from the NOOOO!!! NOOO!!! younger sibling tears to I’m A Medic And I Can Tolerate And Shut Down So Much Bullshit on a dime. Likes people, likes to be around people in general, will worry and fret and scold if you’re being a bit reckless but also the biggest enabler in all of the med corps tbh. Believes in happiness and autonomy as a primary element of wellbeing and this drives a lot of that enabling; is the most likely corrie medic to go out of the way to let u keep a scar you want even if it makes his job fixing underlying structures more difficult.
He’s actually quite good at being professional when hes Being A Medic, and honestly can be a little ruthless, in terms of not hesitating to make calls (because that’s how you get people killed). His specialization is in orthopedic and reconstructive/plastic surgery, which in practice means he’s NOT out of medical much when on shift; if he’s called onto site, things are really bad. On a good day he has no emergency cases, but most of his emergencies are cases where there needs to be immediate and dramatic surgical intervention to prevent fatality. Amputations, skin grafts, major muscular trauma, broken bones; he sees a lot of really nasty shit, in his emergency capacity. In a non-emergency capacity, he still sees a lot of unpleasant and upsetting things, because he’s, yknow. reconstructing things and overseeing recovery from skeletal trauma, but it’s much much safer and less stressful. As a result of all this, he has a really strong stomach and a skewed sense of when gore, blood, or guts gets upsetting.
Also in his capacity as a medic, but off-regulation, Tomo provides a lot of suppourt to trans vode with gender-affirming care! He’ll do just about anything that’s not hazardous; he refers for tracheal shaves and bottom surgeries that require significant specialization or more advanced/specialized equipment than he has. But fillers, FFS, top surgery, horomone access? He’s gotchu.
Also; he knows he's cute. He knows people see him kind of as a pathetic little creature. He ABSOLUTELY weaponizes the shit out of this as a medic. he can cry on command because he learned the magical efficiency of just BURSTING into tears on someone avoiding the medbay. If you aren't guilted/made uncomfortable enough to comply he'll just get someone to drug you and haul you off lol
He’s a really affectionate, friendly, and easygoing guy overall, but the part of him that i talk about most often is his Little Freak setting. This is a manifestation of extreme seperation anxiety. He’s good at respecting verbal boundaries but is a Stage 5 Clinger. He will follow you into the bathroom if ur having a conversation and not notice until ur like excuse me that its weird. He’s really scared of loosing people, either to death or just to the vast distances of the galaxy, so he really really wants to be like. tangibly tied to people. This is where his cannibalism schtick comes from like he cannot imagine a closer intimacy than the physical substance of one’s self being intergrated into the other through consumption…. carry him with you forever and vice versa….. woah…..
@mamuzzy also pulled a GALAXY BRAIN take putting him w Mereel in that one art. Rotted my brain hard for them as a cringefail couple where their respective toxic traits slide off each other like water off a duck. I have a Lot of meta for that im not going to elaborate on too much beyond tomos tendancy towards clinginess being satisfied by mereel pinging him when he’s away, mereel being unbothered and indulgent of his weirdness, and tomo being game enough to help mereel that mereels habit of social engineering and manipulation to get what he wants doesnt have a chance to get toxic bc tomo is already willing give mereel whatever he wants with the ironclad exception of endangering his patients, which he is too stubborn and protective to be manipulated directly about anyway.
I decided that they met bc mereel needed to change his apperance for smth, hooked up w tomo (convenient emotionally vulnerable mark! yippee!) to gain access to medical supplies, was asking about a kind of filler (intended use for joint injuries but off-label use as a filler) to figure out if he can self-administer it and Tomo was immediately like oh i can administer it if you want to try! It’s easy to dissolve if you don’t like it! Mereel agreed, Tomo put in the temporary fillers, and they both walked away from the encounter satisfied and with each other’s contact information in their pocket.
It is very important to note that while Tomo IMMEDIATELY recognized Mereel was interested in the filler’s capacity to change facial structure and apperance, he did not realize Mereel wanted apperance-altering interventions for a mission until months later when someone pointed out he is a black ops specialist and got together with Tomo to use his skills n specializations. He had fully been working on the assumption that Mereel had just been interested in gender exploration even after they had an established pattern of Tomo administering temporary cosmetic procedures for Mereel’s missions
ANYWAY thank u I love him he is so deeply strange. just an odd little dude.
#oc tomo#hes sooooo babygirl#i need to stress: he is so ride or die its literally self destructive#there is a network of squadmates n other medics devised solely to keep assholes from taking advantage#yes they r concerned abt mereel but it seems to be working?? mereel is not Actually asking for anything inappropriate#bc what hes asking tomo to do for him as favors is mostly medical suppourt which is fine#but shinies will beg him for help getting things that r much more dangerous if u dont put a stop to it#he Was accidentally involved in several corrie contraband rings before intervention#i am obsessed w mereel doing his mereel deal of trying to get tomo ingratiated to him only for at every step tomos already there#mereel: *carefully structuring tomos life so he does smth he wants*#tomo as soon as he picks up on it: oh lol here u go [GETTING A GOOD GRADE IN HELPING SOMETHING POSSIBLE TO ACHEIVE AND REASONABLE TO WANT]#mereel: i know i am good at being charming and getting people to give me things but something is definitely wrong with you#dynamic of mereel being like hes kind of like a weird pet and favor machine with absurd kinks i want to study him. i like him tho#and tomo being like yes i fully understand mereel would sell me to satan for 1 corn chip. he is one of my favorite people in the universe#its like 2 people firing dysfunctional relationship grenade launchers at each other n being in a perfect untouched circle after#NOT making each other better or healthier but somehow its working out... failing upwards etc etc#sorry for Massive Dump then Massive Tags i just adore this lil freak
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Me: no really if you missed even one birth control pill you better double check you aren't pregnant.
#can you feel that thick rod begging for entrance#back and forth back and forth across your lips finding the perfect angle of entry#his adidas interfere but his cock is pre'ing let me in#🤔 honey we were never “just friends” it was always way more than that#her & her i like to turn you on baby#when heaven is out on the street with the heat of the the night#It's fine we fuck and I feel better#don't you feel like an owned object when anyone says the magical ownership of All Hallow's Eve though#like you just want to be owned and have attention paid to you#and I can give that to you....we can give that to you#emotional attachment to a chick version of myself? oh I could see that#like she will think my drug use was nothing in comparison I reckon#me: *nods* so she likes ice though huh....yeah I can see that being a thing#you have a few nieces I guess.... 🤔 well a few full ones anyway#a few who have way too much of the other half of us#she's like i smoke because I like it when i smoke#and I'm like oh ok yaaaaaas hypnotize me#when I click those videos I know what I am signing up for#just stare at you for a few minutes no words#yes please do say words to me though let's see how 27 years of hearing have done you.#well we both have the same life path number it's ridiculous to discuss between us#and she's like.....can i play with your 2 2#your destiny is facing and conquering that sexy fear of 7#mine is 7 children I guess*gulp.... fuck*#and two twins for her#his and mine#mine is a freak tho......#here I was in 2014 finally spilling my guts over what you had accused me of to her years ago#except it was like all lowkey and shit as far as the external world knew#...we knew tho.....we knew
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series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems
#dr who#i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life#they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different#like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him#even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT.#but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously#and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show#but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying#the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like#having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy#but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat#i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room#series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short.#i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all#she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving#and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think#it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent#martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME.#anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak#series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2.#even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao#ten and martha#10 era
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there is a hole in my soul in the shape of a cowboy hat and cowboy boots
#life would just be better if i were a cowboy#i do hate horses and am incredibly scared of them#but thats besides the point#its not my fault that when i was 13 at school camp they made me ride the biggest horse they had#im 5 foot (as an adult) on a good day#freaking gigantic horse#and i cried and i wept and begged not to go on the godzilla mutant horse#but yet#they made me ride him#anyways so now i have a fear of horses i dont think ill ever get over#also i think theyre horrendeously ugly and vile creatures with evil in their heart#im deist and dont believe in original sin#except for horses#horses are born with sin and there is no repentance that can save their souls from eternal damnation#anyways#i can totally be a cowboy whilst having a bone deep hatred for horses#the yearning i feel for the wild west is insaitable#now im kind of thinking of seinfeld#and how epic it would be if george had a cowboy arc#he did have that hat that one time#but i mean like#’say kramer#those law breakin trouble makers down at the dusty wagon been causing me some trouble lately#yer see#barman wont let me use his private outhouse#now i got a problem with that#it just aint demoractic im telling yer#so i says to him: partner#what yer doing here aint right by no one#its unlawful im telling yer
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it is painful to learn the "normal" ways that people reasonably around my age were motivated to do things their parents wanted, ie chores or getting good grades in school. this is a pain that has built over time because, seeing it around me as a kid, i could reason that maybe every single one of my friends were just spoiled. but, eerily, every time it seems the topic of motivating children comes up in whatever conversation is bringing it up, it seems like. and it still feels presumptuous to say. but most people as children were rewarded for good behavior. the one i was most envious of as a child was that multiple of my friends got paid money for getting As, and it was actually very shocking to me to find out that that is at least kind of a little more universal than i really really was sure it was not, but that's not the big thing that causes me pause now. generally, it seems, children are rewarded in some way for doing things their parents ask of them. writing and then stepping back and reading such a sentence makes me feel like an alien trying to puzzle out the function of the human pancreas lmfao but i dont know. in the wider conversations where this happens to come up, describing these motivators is never the point, which is maybe part of the difficulty for me. it's really hard to process that not everyone was doing what their parents said to do out of cold pure fear for their life. there's so many things it turns out other kids were getting. stickers and movie tickets and candy and praise and love. i am so sad.
#abuse tw#its hard to evensay because in a way somehow im still sure every single person is going to turn on me#despite this having been a long growing revelation based on things other people have said without it even being possible for me to have#influenced what they were saying i am like#deeply sure somehow that everyone will Know i really am just the entitled spoiled ungrateful one#idiot dont you know everyone gets screamed at and hit and chased down until theyre cowering with their back to the wall begging for mercy#all possible exits blocked because you didnt want to go out to eat with the rest of your family after church service? why would you even sa#something stupid like what you just did. you know it was right after all. just like when you got a B in that class you remember and you kno#you KNOW what happened was right#you only whine to other people because youre such a fucking bitch trying to smear the good name of your poor parents. they suffer to the da#<- in my mind i write this and immediately every person i know comes out of the shadows to say this to me because its what theyve believed#and known all along and then they all leave me and i die here#i probably need to go back to therapy but ive spent 5 years doing weekly sessions + months in an institute and i dont know if at this point#anything is going to help#5 years of my life 5 years#ive heard what feels like fucking everything#i crack open a work book or jusgt a like a normal book on the topic of (insert mental disorder) and i have already read it a billion fuckin#times and i keep up with the meditation and the journaling until it drives me freaking bonkers and i have to take a break from the frustrat#-on like WHAT do i do. at this point fuck it we ball + just make sure to stay on alert for snake oil salesmen bc i know im vulnerable#in this sort of position
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HELLO GOOD EVENING HI 🌹🌹
HELLO!!! I'll give you two scraps! they are thematically related :]
“I’d like to say I’d care for thee but I fear I’ve done a poor job of it.” “Thou art helping now,” Ahab says. “I’m merely repairing the damage I’ve just bidden,” he says, “Before. That time we… God there’s been so many times I failed thee.” Ahab is silent. Starbuck busies himself with replacing the impromptu gauze with that retrieved from Ahab’s supply.
“There must be others who love thee.” “Such as thou?” Ahab says it flatly, coolly, as if it is known fact, as simple and true as laws of physics or the word of God himself.
#cosmo.wip#finally back from grabbing groceries so I could respond#thank you for the request!!!#I am. ill about these two#I will also say. I'm refusing to put it in this one for the sake of the sanity of all#but I did get the line 'I've placed thy hand around my neck- must I beg thee to squeeze?' stuck in my head last night#I'll do something with that uh. eventually. my god#fighting for my life to correctly conjugate thou#but it's really fun#I'm having so much fun here with these goddamn quakers#their speech patterns are damaging me irrevocably#ANYWAYS. enough tags. enjoy 👍
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#I feel like I've barely ever vented here but I fucking need to put this into words#so ignore me if you will but I need to let this out#I dunno what the fuck I'm doing with my degree#I gratuate in june and I have 0 idea what to do#I feel like fucking crying#I do want to do a master's rn#but idk if I can do it later#I don't know it I should take a gap year#I don't know what to apply to#I'm a mess#my father keeps begging me for answers and I don't have any#I feel like I'm failing#I hadn't been suicidal in over a year and now I counting back one month#I wish I'd just get rich so my entire life wasn't on the line for a decision I'm making at 21#someone fucking save me#why am I here#I don't wanna be here#this sucks#everything sucks#fuck#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#foda-se#crlh#n sirvo pra merda nenhuma só pra ser um descompensado do crlh q nem de si sabe cuidar#pra pqp esta desgraça td e o inferno q a carrega q eu n sei se aguento mais#um dia são dias a mais 21 anos é um record do crlh e se terminar por aqui já foi mto#alguém q me ajude ou q me deixe morrer em paz q eu n sei se aguento tomar mais decisões#pfvr
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This has been eye opening for my real life contacts, like who is speaking up and sharing information and who won't stop fucking travel blogging for five minutes to say something, anything. I feel equally heartened by the many people I know who are fighting and equally disheartened by all the people I know who are intentionally looking the other way
#i havent used insta in ages but opening it up and using it as yet another live feed on the continued genocide was a good decision.#not just to hear people's stories and watch what theyre risking their lives to say#but to see the people in my life- most of them people i havent talked to in years and years- either stand up or stay silent#someone i was friends w in hs actually reached out to me after i posted on my story about a protest coming up#so i am not the only one taking notes on who cares.#i know social media doesn't equal real life engagement-#there r countless things in my life i don't talk about on here and this blog is the closest thing i have to a diary (sad!)#but if you are actively posting about your backpacking trip to europe and you're actively ignoring#all of the people in your life who are begging anyone to listen?#no more respect for you. if i had any to begin with
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season of the deep is tomorrow and i haven't done literally ANYTHING for the current season. ive never missed a season since arrivals and i am going CRAZY
#ive been ON IT almost every single week#like. since beyond light#but i did lightfall in the first three days did one day of season of defiance and then NOTHING ELSE#yall the mental illness has been so severe lately i havent been on destiny in WEEKS. maybe longer#and im kind of spiraling about it. i havent missed a season in my life since i figured out what seasons were. and next is Deep and#the ocean is EVERYTHING to me DESTINY is everything to me now there is a DESTINY OCEAN THING GOING ON#AND WHAT IF MY BRAIN ISNT WORKING WELL ENOUGH FOR ME TO ENGAGE IN IT??#i hate it here so much. god please can i have a brain that makes normal amounts of dopamine i am BEGGING YOU#mine#vent
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there was no preparing me for how lonely post-grad life would be lmfao
#I’ve finally cut my mom off#I have like four total friends and only one who lives here#I work 6 days a week at a smoothie shop where the owner treats us horribly#but I stay working 50 hour weeks bc I need the money for a car & to keep saving for grad school#I finally bought my own health insurance#but apparently it doesn’t matter bc no psychiatrists will take me#even tho we’ve called over 10#my therapist has all but ditched me#it’s been almost a year since the most devastating relationship loss of my life#and while most days I have made my peace with it#I am still sometimes so full of hurt & confusion & regret & longing & the urge to beg on my knees for things to be fixed#my relationship with food is so fucked#I am looking everywhere for the joy in living and I am not finding it#I know it’s there I know it is#but I cannot feel it I am so lonely I am so out of my depth#my mom got rid of the dogs without telling me#I am so desperate for help that I can���t seem to get in this useless country#I want a hug so badly that I am literally have dreams where someone hugs me#I want my mom to just be good and normal and not awful to me#I want to go home but it feels like an intangible place I can no longer go to#i don’t know if there’s any fixing that#I am trying so so hard to be good#and yet I still lose everything & I can only assume the problem is me#but I just want#to be fixed
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something something I'm 6 years old again
#omg kiera no one cares#sitting here trying not to cry like I'm sooo cool I'm sooo normal i am sooo not gonna do what i did at 6 because as far as i know this is#literally all in my head#but also I'm 6 years old and I'm about to start begging like my life is on the line
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