#what makes great things great is not their greatness | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baepsays · 3 days ago

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⋆.˚ FAT, JUICY, & WET⭑.ᐟ⸻ Nerdjo.

THAT GOOD KITTY-KITTY, GOOD KITTY-KITTY. MAKE IT MY PET. ᯓ★ When you got involved with Gojo Satoru, you thought—'oh great.' Who knew how great things were about to get for him.

pairings ᯓ★ Nerd Gojo Satoru x reader

cw ᯓ★ NSFW, MDNI, spies, work place romance, fem oriented reader, use of she/her pronouns and the word 'girl', mentions of drugs, human trafficking and illegal activities, lowkey enemies to lovers?, reader is a badass, mention jerking off, hand jobs, biting, fingering, high key exhibitionism, grinding, sneak peek into how big of a whore I am for spanks, some action thriller stuff, pervy Gojo, virgin Gojo, sub Gojo mostly, but on field dom Gojo, switch Gojo, he is such a loser creep, down bad course 101 by Nerdtoru, I do not condone his behavior, lock him up I say u_u, tit play kinda, plot heavy, but also plot is for the smut.

a/n: find 3-aem's art used in the header here, and have funnnn, lol. this is nerd (me) on nerd (Nerdjo) crime.

It was fucked up as it is you have to suddenly work with some new partner now; first train him, and build a rapport with him. The fact that it has to be a complete lost cause loser, who can't hold his liquor, was just the shit on top of your already fungus ridden cake.

“I don't even know the first thing about women!!! How am I supposed to charm them and get information out of them!!??” A very drunk and very sad Gojo cried with the left side of his face squished on the table.

Sitting across from him, getting the front row seat of the nonchalant Gojo Satoru, the intelligence and strategy team wiz, having a meltdown, was great. If only it did not come at the cost of your own job and sanity. Life was good working as a solo spy, where your coworkers in the same division were paired off, you never had to pretend with a colleague. Most of your work involved; breaking in, charming men, sometimes beating up people, if the situation required—get them into bed.

It never really went too far, but you have definitely done some stuff to complete the task. And you wish your job was not as hands on as it was, if only you were Gojo Satoru. Who was having fun being a behind the scenes guy. But there are only so many people working under such a secretive department under the government. Especially spies, they are very limited.

Which leads us to the matter at hand, the whole department drinking and having fun, with the excuse that Gojo got a promotion. Gojo himself would contradict to say this felt more like a demotion. Sure, he got a raise. But who cares about money when your life rides on your sex appeal and you are a pathetic virgin, who'd rather find every single detail about some president by breaking into all his digital devices and every record of his existence. Instead of wooing his secretary for that information.

He does not like the long way around things. He would rather take what he needs the easiest way possible. And preferably behind a screen.

“I AM LITERALLY A VIRGIN! WHAT WAS THE BOSS THINKING!??”

“Give me that glass. You had enough. And stop shouting that you're a virgin.”

“But I am.” Seeing Gojo Satoru pouting and whining to you was not on your annual bingo. Yet here you are.

“What do you want me to do? Make you, not a virgin?” He did not say yes, or nod. But it was clear behind those thick shell frame spectacles, it did not matter to him that you were being sarcastic. He just wanted you to take his goddamn virginity. And he was ready to silently plead like a wet cat to make it happen.

And who knew, you would be giving the biggest loser in the department, a handjob in an alleyway behind the restaurant you regular with your colleagues. Sure it was dark there, but the length on the bastard was not something some dim alley can hide.

“God you’re huge.” you moved your thumb to press on his tip, and felt the vein on the underside of his cock twitch. “B-baby.”

“A few strokes and I am suddenly your baby?”

“Ple-please.”

“Look at you, stuttering for once. No smart explanations or anything?”

You pick up the pace at which you were pumping his cock, while continuing to leave kisses along his, now bare chest, button ups are sure easy to get rid of. Your other hand focused on holding onto his neck, keeping his head low and leaning on your head. His hands were gripping your waist with such desperation, they were bound to leave marks, and you did not mind the thought of it to your surprise.

Just as Satoru started vigorously shaking, seemingly close to his release, his hands roamed lower down your ass. “I think i will-”

“Did you see those two? I swear I saw them going to the restroom.”

Shit. That was your boss.

Both of you looked at each other with complete horror written all over your faces. With speed, you two managed to sneak behind the dumpster in the alley. And waited out for your boss to leave, with Satoru basically half naked, with a now flaccid cock hanging out and about.

“Guess I am not losing my virginity today.” And all you do is roll your eyes in the dark, which despite not being able to see your face—Satoru definitely felt it.

After that nothing really happened. Just that Satoru moved to your section of the department, and made himself cozy in the desk across from you. Until you two got assigned to your first mission together.

“You want me to sneak into an orgy with this guy?” “Hey! I have the appeal!” You really did not have it in you to retort him with any insult.

“Well. Mr. Hashimoto is a regular at this club and at their underground ‘parties’, the people there do not just let anyone in there.”

“So we go there and I keep a close eye on her?” Satoru seemed eased with the simplicity of the task, he just needed to be your bodyguard in the shadows. He can do that! Despite his defensiveness, he definitely was not getting into an orgy, and not that he wanted to be there anyway.

“I wish it was that simple.” Your boss got off his chair to stand in front of you two, to explain further details of the case. “Well, they only let couples in there. Only members and executives are allowed to go in there alone. A lot of stuff goes on there, human trafficking, drugs, money laundering, you name it.”

“So I act like her sleazy boyfriend!?”

“Exactly. Just do enough to have the people scouting there, to let you guys into the private room. Take some pictures of Hashimoto in the act for now. We will assess the situation from there. ”

You knew this was going to be one pain in the ass of a mission.

The plan was simple. Look hot, get in, grind on this loser on the dance floor, get in the private room, look like you want Satoru to fuck your brains out then and there, take incriminating pictures of Hashimoto, and fuck off. If they let you easily get away with it, that is. So far the plan was going smoothly, landing on the dance floor with your back to Satoru’s chest, grinding your ass on him, and making it convincing enough that you were one shameless couple.

“You sure are putting your all into this, baby.” Satoru had his left hand on your hips, helping you grind into his thighs, while his right hand stayed pressed under your breasts. Occasionally the right hand moved up and down your bare thighs, the mini skirt was definitely getting to him on top of your ass. It is not that often he sees you in such attire in the office, on duty and off duty, you were two very different people.

“Talk about yourself. Not looking half bad.” He swapped his usual glasses for shades, got a few fake piercings on his ears, accessories, and a very low neckline black shirt. Paired with his ripped snug fitted denim and boots—he was looking his part, with the tousled hairdo instead of his usual neatly brushed and well kept hair.

“You can just say I look fuckable, baby.” You could not deny that. He was looking really, ‘fuckable’, as he put it. His salty ocean smelling cologne was like a reverie in the mob of sweaty people. Especially now that you know his big words match what is in his pants, it was hard to deny that you found this man hot.

It is not some sort of revolutionary information. Gojo Satoru has always been cute. He was nice to look at from a far, up close whenever he opened his mouth it was just intolerable. Especially when you are coming back straight to the office after some overnight mission.

“Did you pop a boner!?” “Who do you think I am? A monk? You are literally grinding on me.” You might have gotten preoccupied with the not so little problem poking your ass, but Satoru was still keeping a lookout for the people you guys needed. And he found a guy staring at you guys long enough to be assured that he was the guy who could get you two in.

“Follow my lead.” “No way. I am the one in charge here.” Satoru did not waste time fighting you. He dragged you to the nearest booth, closest to the guy, sat you both down and practically jumped you, to lay you down on the seat. His lips ended up on yours, While he pushed you further into the cushion of the seat, going all in, with his tongue. Making sure to explore every crevice of your mouth, with some teeth and all.

He was amateur and inexperienced. And it showed, but that did not shadow the fact that he was pretty good for someone who is basically a digimon frantic loser, chasing down Geto in the halls, almost daily, to show him his new shiny cards.

“Hey guys.” The guy who was looking at you guys for a while came up to you, but his first greeting went unheard to both of your ears. At least to Satoru’s ears it did, but you made sure to not answer him on the first greeting. After his third hey, you pinched Satoru on his nape to snap him out of the make out session he has found himself engrossed in. Luckily the guy, desperate at this point, shouts a greeting loud enough for the booths on either side to hear.

“HELLO!” “Damn dude. Chill, you need something important enough to distract me from my girl?” The way Satoru replied to him so nonchalantly, while picking you up from your spot and sitting you down on his knees, as he sat up himself, made you dizzy in the head. Or maybe it was because you sat up too quickly. Sure, let's say that is the reason.

“You guys wanna get somewhere private? I work for this place and we are particularly accommodating to couples.”

You did not say anything in reply, you left it to Satoru, out of trust? Who knows. But this was again, very unusual of you.

Upon agreement the guy led you two to the private room. He took you to the second floor of the club, then a very well hidden tucked away hallway. After walking down that hallway, it led to a singular door at the very end, which required a password from the guy who led you there, to open it. The guy whispered the password to some guy on the otherwise who unlocked the door from the inside.That was the last you saw that guy before walking into the room, holding Satoru's hand.

Honestly the environment was way off. You've done missions involving large scale parties, galas, and went there by foraging identities. But this was no charity ball. It was littered with groups of people and couples mostly of your age, all over these couches, chairs, and even tables in the middle of this huge room, making out or doing more. Which were surrounded by booths similar to the ones you saw in the actual club. And there were only men, who looked rich enough to buy out this entire place, in those booths. Surrounded by women and lines of substances in front of them, with the smell of alcohol lingering everywhere.

This place was full of trouble. One slip and you can not only lose your life, but maybe worse.

“Are you ok?” Satoru leaned down a bit to whisper in your ear, completely ignoring the guy ahead of you two, who opened and closed the door. Unable to muster any sound out of your throat, you just nodded a yes at him, and went on to look for Hashimoto. This was not the time to get nervous, especially not when you have a rookie with you.

Hashimoto was in a booth at the very corner tucked away from everyone's sight. The only way to get a peek at him, meant getting a seat at the couch adjacent to his booth. Which was fortunately empty for Satoru to drag you there.

“Do you know what you are doing?” He plopped down on the couch, manspreading enough to take up at least three people’s space.

“Trust me, ok angel?” He reassured you as he pulled you down on his lap, making you straddle him, which made you effectively face him—with a pretty clear view of Hashimoto’s table.

“Now I am an angel?” Your eyes flickered back to him, making sure to look as nonchalant as you could have, while adjusting your hands around his neck. Making sure the bracelet on your wrist had the perfect view of the table you wanted to take pictures of.

Meanwhile Satoru got to work with his mouth, making it more productive than running his mouth. With one pull on your waist, you were practically sticking to him, while his mouth roamed from the base of your neck, shoulders to the column of your throat. “Why? Deem yourself devil incarnate?” The smirk on his face, that you felt stretching on your skin, was followed by a nibble and bite.

It was no easy job to take those pictures when Satoru made it his own personal mission to make you squirm and helped you grind on him. His mouth was capable of greatness, that is the conclusion you came to as his tongue and lips gilded all over your exposed skin. From your face, to chin, jaw and lower. Making sure to avoid your lips at any cost, even with you trying to subtly get a kiss out of him. His right hand remained fixed on your waist, pressing down on it from time to time. The other hand was busy and full with your tits. Slightly pulling down on your top to make them spill out just enough for him to slobber all over them. The cold metal rim of his shades was such a contrast to his warm tongue. You had no idea how it was still on him. But it is not like he had any other option. It needed to record everything.

Well maybe not the part that was going on in between you two. Oh well, he is going to edit the footage later anyway. Not that you were thrilled about that.

Such thoughts were of concern for later. Because how is this loser who was crying about being a virgin just a few days ago, absolutely smashed from one drink. And was practically melting under your touch in a random alleyway—transformed into this suave and slick guy.

“Are you making sure to take good enough pictures? Hmm, angel?”

No. No, you were not. You were basically shaking already and all this guy did was feel you up a bit and did not even kiss you yet.

As if right on que, he kissed you. And this time it was less teeth, there were still teeth. Just that this time he was using his teeth for better use, by using them to pull on your lips just enough to make you open your mouth to only shove his tongue up against your tongue. And his left hand slipped under your top, his fingers were sweaty and clammy. And somehow that felt good on your skin, as it felt as if it was burning. It also reminded you that this js still the Gojo Satoru you knew, the little nervous and awkward guy he has always been.

And when his right hand came down to move from grabbing your waist, to groping your ass, to then land a slap loud enough to echo in the room—a moan slipped out of you. It was not the kind to disintegrate into his lips, because even Satoru stopped feverishly kissing you, to stare at you for a second.

He was caught completely off guard, but that did not mean he had the time to register that, he could not make it seem this was the first time he heard you moan. Scratch the fact he is a virgin, he has spent practically every night listening to women scream and moan on at least one of his devices. But this was you. He has recorded you chugging down a water bottle after training, to then later get off to that very innocent clip. So the blush creeping up all over his face was nothing compared to how red he usually becomes while jerking off to thoughts and videos and pictures of you, which he took with his professional grade cameras. He was way too excited to go through the footage from the camera recorder on his shades, not because he is an exemplary officer of the law, who wanted to put these criminals in front of the judiciary with incriminating proof. But because he was going to get the most golden piece of jerk off material to add onto his stash. Thank goodness he was wearing these shades, because you would have definitely deciphered what a guilty little creep he was.

“Guess we are putting on a show huh?” A smirk rolled around the corners of his lips, while you rested your forehead on his shoulder to ground yourself and take pictures of Hashimoto, who was now looking directly at you.

“Shut up. I got the shots.” “Aw, good girl.” You did not have a reply to really retort his statement.

“Keep ‘em safe for me ok?” Satoru slid his shades off his eyes and put them on your eyes, revealing eyes which could devour you whole. The whole room was practically staring at you at this point, but no looks were even half as consuming as those blue ones. “Gotta get everything right?”

One second you are readjusting yourself to get the best angle of Hashimoto, and then you are thrashing forward in Satoru’s arms, as he slides his index finger inside you, all in one go. You had no idea when he pushed your underwear to the side or when did his hand even go under your skirt. Maybe you were too occupied with the mission, or just that his other hand which was tugging on your nipples, was just too much in itself.

“Oh my god, you are sooo wet.” If he was not so enamored by you and your cunt, he would have done something about all the men ogling you, trying to catch a glimpse of your pretty pussy as he slowly moved it around to feel you all up from inside. To see the source of those gushing, squelching noises, and those deafening and lethal moans. He wanted all these people in this room, dead.

“N-no. wait.” You felt a second finger trying to enter you, and you were basically gone. Thank goodness these shades did not need to be manually operated.

“Ah well, made them look and made you stutter. Must be doing something right. Right, baby?”

You had nothing in you to answer him. You were too busy putting on a show. Trying your best to keep your head steady on his shoulder to get the best angel of the guy across you. And while you were fighting for your life, Satoru was having the time of his life. Sliding in a third finger, his eyes stayed trained in the barely existent gap between you two, to get a glimpse or two of his own fingers going in and out of you at a pace too animalistic, even if his arm was getting in the way—he was satisfied with the here and there peaks at your folds swallowing his fingers in. It was all puffy and slick with your own cum, and it felt like the most precious juicy fruit was in his grasp.

“So perfect. It’s like you want to break my fingers, angel.”

“I am-”

“Me too baby. Come for me, won’t you do me that favor hmm? Take all my firsts. Please.” A single miserable plea was enough to have you throw your head back, digging your nails in his neck to the point of breaking his skin, you came all over his fingers and pants—never in your life have you had a man make you cum this hard with his fingers alone. And it was an amateur loser on top of that.

“Done?” He asked while pulling you down on his shoulders once again. He took the shades off you, and patted the back of your head as you twitched in his arms, still high and limp. “D-done.”

“Let’s get out of here then.”

Which is easier said than done. Especially when these men have had the show of their lives, they wanted a taste as well. Just as Satoru moved you in his arms to get you out of there, the guy with the keys to the door came up to you guys.

“Excuse me, but we need you to leave.”

“We are doing exactly that.” Satoru said, with a grin wide and sarcastic enough to piss the guy off. “I meant just you. Leave the girl. One of our patrons has asked for her.” You were sure this was Hashimoto’s request. No one in this room is powerful enough to wield such exclusive amenities.

“Well. Now that I can't do, you know? She’s my girl afterall. ” You were hiding your face in his chest, getting ready to pull out the knife hidden in your boots, but the way Satoru said ‘my girl’ for the second time tonight—maybe you feel a few butterflies in your stomach. Or maybe it was the orgasm.

“Leave her here, and fuck off with some cash in your pocket or we can get rid of you easily.” It took Satoru no more than a second to lift you up in his arms, as he kicked the guy hard enough to fall face first on the floor. Before any of the other staff could get to you two, you jumped out of his arms, to get the keys off that guy’s keyholder dangling on his waist. You grabbed onto Satoru’s hands to run for the door, just as you opened the door, Satoru took out the little smoke bomb hidden away in his belt.

“Disperse. I will go that way, you go the opposite. Jump down the window I showed you. Regroup in the car. Ok?” You explained your best to Satoru as you ran down to the crowded dance floor to catch a bit more time.

“Ok!” You both nodded at each other before heading your respective ways. But before you could leave, He grabbed onto your wrist and pulled you close to him to lean down enough to whisper in your ears, loud enough for you to hear in the sea of people and deafening music.

“Be safe.” You could not see his face, but you could still discern the concern in his voice. And maybe something more.

“You better see me in one piece.” You warned him in return before you two ran in opposite directions.

“Ah. If it is not the dream team!” Your boss exclaimed with joy as you two walked in his office.

It has been two days since the mission. Thankfully you two made it to the getaway car just fine that day. But neither of you said anything the entire car ride as you two got driven down to the base. The next two days you did not see Satoru. You assumed he was too busy editing all the evidence and compiling them. He had more on his plate now, than he was already tasked with before. You did reach out to him to offer help. But he just turned you down with maximum of one worded replies.

“Everything came out fine, right?” Satoru asked as he walked two steps away from you. “Oh yes! Do not worry about it. Our team already seized the place yesterday.”

When you came out of the boss’s chamber, Satoru seemed in a hurry. Rushing as fast as he could, away from you. I mean, it was all for the mission, right? Now that it is over, who even is he to you but some loser who is eerily obsessed with you. Not that you know that. Or maybe you do. Maybe you already know how big of a loser he actually is.

“Trying to run now?” “I don’t know what you mean.” You had to pull Satoru in the closest storage room to corner him. Because why was he being all weird now?

“Sure you do, you-” When you turned the light on, his entire neck and both his ears were beet red. His eyes were looking glossy and not because of his high prescription usual spectacles. And when you got closer to him, you could feel him—warm and stiff in his pants.

“Are you seriously hard right now?” He looked away from you, like he did not dirty talk in your ears and made you cum in front of a room full of dangerous people, just the other day.

“Can you blame me?” When he finally looked into your eyes, you could not help but break into a smile. Somehow you got wrapped around this loser’s fingers, literally.

“Remember how you asked me to take all your firsts?” He started getting more red as he nodded a weak yes.

“Meet me at my place after work.” You got on your tippy toes to kiss him, and pulled on his lips with your teeth, similarly as he did. You grabbed onto the collar of his button up shirt, to drag him down to your face. And when his shaky hands moved up to hold onto your waist, after he barely came down from the initial surprise, you shoved him off you. And he went stumbling into the boxes piled up behind him.

And with that you left the poor guy to tend to the giant mess he made in his pants, and a card in his palm, that had your personal number and address on it. The card also said something else in your handwriting, that almost gave him a nosebleed.

‘Your girl, loser.’

TO FIND MORE OF MY WORKS CLICK HERE.

a/n: divider by @/enchanthings-a and @/omi-resources, pics in header by @/3-aem on (Tumblr and twt) and from Pinterest.

hope after a few here and there drabbles i did justice to Nerdjo. he has been rotting my brain for months. definitely wanted to write something for him and inspiration just came idkkkk how I came up with the whole goverment employed spy stuff. i think i like thinking up this sort of spy and work dynamics and i wanted to write Nerdjo out of academic setting, there are far more superior works about that, I have done enough in academics. just something obscure enough to not only be work place romance but also a bit of a shitty action thriller? so ig you can say this is also spy Gojo. but not really, he is just a weirdo who is definitely not lowkey obsessed with you that is all. put him on field by himself and he is shitting himself.

hope you had fun reading! and enjoyed your stay on my humble humble two cents about nerdjo in the sea of amazing nerdjos. please do lmk your thoughts in the comments and feel free to reach out to me in my ask box.

clan leader Gojo i am so sorry i am getting right back to completing you!

tag list: @cheralith @madamechrissy @gojosperms @naomigojo @naomi-main @cuntphoric @nanamiskentos @cuntyji @cuntphoric @aishi-toru @fushitoru @rriwyu @exquisink @lover-lyn @buckysm @wwwritererm @indiewritesxoxo @moonchhu @shouiow @user25384959574 @dxmnsaera @kazupop @slayzzz @undercvrfan444 @miizuzu @getoistic @infinitatis-ink @theorphicangel @ricecake-mochi

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cecoeur · 3 days ago

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Ricciardo Family Dinner | Drive to Survive S7 Episode 8: Elbows Out

#daniel ricciardo #dr3 #have an insane feeder energy with this man actually #yes good eat #did you enjoy that?#great eat more #I appreciate the Ricciardo’s dedication to warm indirect lighting for ambiance and peak comfort in the family home #but damn if it doesn’t make it harder to gif #also 1000000% filmed post season #WHAT A HUGE FAILURE TO BE BACK IN PERTH WITH HIS FAMILY THAT LOVES HIM UNCONDITIONALLY #:((((( sorry your wife only speaks to you in scripted conversations for netflix #she should divorce your ass but she left girl power behind in the 90s :(((#these tags took a turn sorry #dts #dts7 #drive to survive #if there's one thing i'm going to do it's over sharpen a gif

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marvelstoriesepic · 3 days ago

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Supposed Distraction

Pairing: College!Athlete!Bucky x College!Reader

Summary: It’s Bucky’s birthday and you and your friends are planning a surprise party. That leaves you with the task to distract him while the others prepare.

Prompt 1: “I think we need to talk.”

Prompt 2: “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Prompt 3: “Kiss me.”

Word Count: 7.6k

Warnings: friends to lovers; reader is embarrassed and rather terrible at attempting to distract Bucky; Bucky is smug; Bucky is worried; Sam and Steve are idiots; feels; pining; tension; Bucky is a sweetheart

Author’s Note: This is another entry for the lovely cinema themed writing challenge by @elixirfromthestars ♡ I hope you’re not getting tired of me participating, my dear, but I couldn’t help it. Especially since you were the one inspiring me to write this about college!bucky. I'll have to thank you for that!! Hope you enjoy! ♡

Masterlist

You always knock four times.

It’s instinctive at this point, muscle memory more than conscious thought. You don’t even remember when or how it started, but it's always fours knocks.

The door swings open within seconds, revealing Bucky’s easy and bright grin. He leans against the frame, arms crossed over his broad chest, hair slightly tousled, perhaps from running his hands through it. God, he looks great.

“Hey, doll,” he greets, voice warm. “You’re early.”

You arch a brow, stepping past him when he shifts to let you in. “It’s your birthday, Buck. What kind of friend would I be if I left you alone, huh?”

Bucky exhales a short sigh, but his smile stays in place. “Told you, it’s not a big deal.”

“‘Course it is, Buck,” you argue, almost indignant at the thought. Because if anyone deserves a day where people get to celebrate him, it’s James Buchanan Barnes.

But he doesn’t make much of his birthday. He doesn’t like attention when he hasn’t earned it.

It’s why he loves the mound, standing there under stadium lights with all eyes on him, but loathes things like this - birthdays, personal praise, anything that forces him into a spotlight just for existing. You suppose that’s just part of who he is.

You saw him earlier, in university. You shared one class today. He walked in a few minutes late, baseball cap pulled low, backpack slung lazily over one shoulder.

You had been waiting for him, barely able to contain your excitement as you nearly launched yourself at him in the hallway with a cheerful happy birthday, Bucky!

He had only blinked, slightly startled at your enthusiasm before huffing out a laugh when you crushed him in a tight hug. But he hadn’t complained, only chuckled softly, winding his arms around you and pressing his hands to your back, waiting for you to be the first to pull away again.

You told him he'd receive his present later the day with a grin and Bucky only rolled his eyes with a fond smile, letting you have your moment.

But what Bucky doesn’t know is that there is a surprise party awaiting him later, planned by you and your shared group of friends - because somebody has to make sure that today doesn’t pass like it is just another day.

Sam’s apartment is the only logical choice, given that his roommate dropped out and no one had rushed to fill the space yet. That means lots of room, plus an open invitation to make a mess.

The only issue is that Sam’s apartment is directly across the hall from Bucky and Steve’s.

Which means you have been assigned a very specific task - keep Bucky in his apartment until it’s time.

Not that you had much say in the matter. The moment the question came up about who would be the one distracting him that long, every pair of eyes landed on you.

You are his best friend, but - and that’s how you see it - so is everyone else. Still, they seemed to believe that you could hold his attention for long enough, that you could keep him engaged enough not to notice the shuffle of footsteps and suspicious voices beyond his door. That it would be you who he doesn’t mind having around, lingering in his space.

Honestly, you didn’t argue.

There is not a reason as to why you should. Any excuse to spend time with Bucky is a good one.

After all, you love the guy. But that’s a problem for another day.

You drop your bag on the worn-out armchair by the window, the same spot you always claim when you are here.

Bucky’s jacket is slung over the back of the chair, and the second your bag lands on it, the scent of his cologne drifts up - clean, something woodsy, something him. It distracts you for a second, but then you turn to face him again.

He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans after closing the door again.

“Where’s Steve?” you ask casually, like you don’t already know he is across the hall, making sure everything is set up for the surprise. But you don’t know what he told Bucky.

“He said somethin’ about running some drills with the rookies, helping out the coach, or whatever,” Bucky answers, tilting his head in that unconcerned way. He slowly makes his way toward you. “Guess one of them nearly took his own damn head off trying to hit a curveball.”

One of your brows lifts amused. “And Steve’s the guy to fix that?”

Bucky smirks. “Well, y’know how he is. Someone fucks up a throw, suddenly he’s gotta be the one to teach ‘em how to do it right.” He shakes his head, like the whole thing is ridiculous.

“Yeah, sounds like Steve,” you state, trying to suppress a knowing smile.

You lean your hip against the kitchen counter, arms loosely crossed, trying to keep it casual. The apartment is small, with the kitchen bleeding into the living space, a single couch, and a coffee table taking up a lot of the room. You love it.

“So, what do you feel like doing?” You tip your head toward him. “You’re the birthday boy, you get to decide.”

Bucky scoffs, lips curling, finding your antics amusing. But then, he actually seems to consider it. His hands slip from his pockets, arms crossing as he leans back slightly against the table. His gaze falls to the window. Sunlight spills in, casting golden lines across the floor and making your hair gleam.

“You wanna go get some ice cream or somethin’?” he suggests. “It’s warm out.”

You blink, caught off guard. Bucky isn’t usually the one to propose going out. It takes a little coaxing most days, a push to get him moving and leave his apartment to meet your group of friends somewhere outside. You wonder what he would have said if anyone else were the one distracting him.

But you can’t take him up on it. Because you can’t let him leave and potentially find out.

“Uh-no,” you say, a little too quickly, a little too firmly.

Bucky’s brows lift, a smirk tugging at the edge of his mouth. “No?” He huffs a laugh, shifting his weight onto one foot, arms still folded. His voice takes on that slow, teasing drawl. “You just asked me what I wanna do, doll. Thought I got to decide? Y’know, birthday and all that.”

You just started this distracting thing and you are already messing up. Great.

You scramble for a way to walk it back, to keep him here without making it obvious. “Yeah, you know, I just-” You glance around as if the answer is hidden somewhere in the room. “Why don’t we stay inside?”

Bucky watches you, eyes narrowing just slightly, trying to puzzle you out. He doesn’t look suspicious. But there is a curiosity in it.

“Why?” he drags the word out, tilting his head. “Something wrong with ice cream? We could also go get some tacos maybe-”

“No! Nothing’s wrong with ice cream.” You force a laugh, waving your hand dismissively. “I just figured we could chill here for a bit.” You bite your lip, then continue. “We could bake you a cake?”

You would love to face-palm yourself right now.

Why would you even say that?

There will be plenty of cake at the party. Cake that’s already been ordered, picked out, baked yourself, and waiting across the hall. And yet, here you are, offering something completely unnecessary, completely ridiculous.

God, you are terrible at this.

Bucky’s blue eyes are on you, considering, lips parting, about to say something.

Panic rises.

“Or not,” you blurt, stepping forward too fast, too sudden, hands coming up in a vague, dismissive gesture. “Yeah, maybe not. That’s dumb. Forget I said anything.”

You shift where you stand, fingers twitching at your sides. You don’t get nervous around Bucky - at least, not like this. But something hot and uncomfortable starts to creep up the back of your neck.

A slow smirk pulls at Bucky’s mouth as he watches you with so much amusement in his eyes, enjoying whatever the hell this is turning into.

“You alright over there, doll?” he asks, voice warm, teasing.

You scoff, rolling your eyes, trying to keep your cool. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” He tilts his head, a lock of dark hair falling into his eyes. “Cause you’re actin’ a little funny.”

You open your mouth, a retort or something like it ready, but Bucky suddenly leans in just a fraction, gaze sweeping over your face like he is searching for something. And yeah shit, you need to shut this down. Now. Or you’ll be a hot mess on the floor.

“Just forget it.” You shrug and then move away from him, toward the fridge, suddenly very interested in whatever’s inside. “You want something to drink?”

You don’t look back at him immediately, don’t give him a chance to see the way you feel your face warm up. Instead, you grab two small bottles of orange juice, shoving one in his direction as a distraction.

Bucky takes it easily, but that amused smirk does not waver a tiny bit. He is still watching you.

Bucky is no idiot. And if you’re not careful, he’s going to catch on fast.

You twist the cap of the bottle a little forcefully, the plastic groaning in your grip. The cold of it seeps into your palm, but it’s not enough to steady the way your heart is beating a little too fast. Taking a sip of the juice, you try to swallow past the lump in your throat.

He has always been observant. Even more so when it comes to you. You wish, just this once, that he'd be a little more dense.

“You gonna tell me what’s up with you today?” he asks, voice colored with curiosity, dipping just enough into concern that you flinch internally.

“I don’t owe you an explanation.”

It’s defensive, but all it does is amuse him. His lips curve, his brows shoot high, the lines on his forehead creasing in exaggerated surprise.

Leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, his own bottle loosely held in one hand, he tips his head back and studies you. “That how we’re playin’ it, huh?”

You shrug, taking another sip of your juice, using the movement as an excuse to break eye contact. But you know it does not deter him.

Bucky makes a thoughtful noise, shifting his weight. “Y’know,” he drones out, tone lazy but eyes sharp and smirk sly. “Usually when people get all cagey like this, it means they’re hidin’ something.”

You shoot him a hopefully flat look. “Wow, Barnes. That’s some real detective work. You want to get a notepad? Maybe a magnifying glass?”

His smirk widens. He seems thoroughly entertained. You don’t like it.

“Depends,” he teases, leaning in just a fraction. “Do I need ‘em?”

Your pulse spikes. Bastard.

With an obvious eye roll that unfortunately lacks the conviction you tried to portray, you cross the room, shoulders set, and let yourself drop into the armchair where your bag still rests with a heavy thud. The cushions soften the impact. Trying to feign the usual comfort you feel sitting here, you tuck one leg under the other, leaning back. Your hands tighten around the still cold bottle of juice.

Bucky doesn’t move right away. He is still standing by the counter, bottle in hand, eyes never leaving you.

“Do you want to watch something?” you ask, reaching for the remote, already trying to steer this back into safe waters.

Bucky exhales through his nose, humor lining the corners of his eyes. His stance is easy and relaxed, but he looks at you like he knows something is off.

“Is this me deciding?” he muses, voice smooth. “Or are you just gonna tell me no again?”

There is no accusation in his tone, just that familiar Brooklyn drawl that makes everything sound like an inside joke.

He finally moves, dragging his body toward the couch. He doesn’t plop down like you did. He settles himself with intent and leans forward slightly, elbows resting on his knees, his entire focus trained on you like you are the most interesting thing in the room.

You swallow.

“You’ll get to decide,” you promise, trying for nonchalance.

Bucky glances at the dark TV screen, then back at you.

“Nah,” he claims. “Let’s talk.”

Your stomach drops.

Bucky never lets things go when he is curious. You see the spark in his eyes, the glint of amusement, the way the corners of his mouth twitch with that smirk. He knows you are acting weird. Maybe he doesn’t know why, but he sure as hell knows something is up and he is going to dig.

You inhale deeply, fighting the urge to groan. But all you do is force a casual shrug, stretching your arms over your head before letting them drop back into your lap. “What do you want to talk about?”

Your fingers fidget with the label on the bottle, a nervous little movement you don’t mean to make. Bucky’s gaze flickers down to your hands and you freeze, immediately stilling them, letting the bottle rest in your lap and shoving your hands between your thighs.

His eyes snap back to yours, lips curving up.

“You,” he says simply.

You roll your eyes, feigning playful annoyance, because if you don’t, you might actually combust on the spot. “Oh, come on,” you scoff.

For the next few minutes, you actually manage to let a conversation drift to normal things. The familiar back-and-forth. You talk about classes, you being annoyed at that one professor who has a habit of trailing off mid-lecture, forgetting what he is actually supposed to talk about. Bucky tells you about his brutal morning training session that left half the team groaning like old men.

You bring up his next baseball game, the one you won’t be able to make because of an assignment, and Bucky whines.

He doesn’t just complain a little but rather goes on about it for minutes on end. Arms flailing, huffing dramatically, groaning like you just told him his dog died.

“You could just skip,” he protests, lounging back into the couch.

“I can’t just skip, Bucky.”

“But I need my lucky charm,” he laments, throwing his head back against the cushion as if this is some great tragedy.

You roll your eyes but there is warmth rising in your chest. “I’m sorry, Buck. But I did come to all your games last month.”

“Yeah, which is why you owe me,” Bucky retorts, sitting up again, gesturing with his hands. “I hit a homer 'cause you were there. What if I suck without you?”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” you laugh, but Bucky grumbles under his breath, not quite over it.

It starts to feel normal. Easy. You begin to believe that you might actually pull this off. That you can keep him here, keep him occupied, long enough for your friends across the hall to finish setting up.

But then a loud thump echoes from the hallway.

Your spine goes rigid.

Bucky’s head snaps up, his grin replaced with a furrowed brow.

Another thud.

Yeah, so, that was that.

You fumble for your phone and type out a quick text to Sam.

Y: What are you guys doing out there?

The reply comes almost immediately.

S: Just keep Barnes inside.

You would love to curse loudly right now. Because thank you for nothing, Sam.

Bucky is already standing.

“What are you doing?” you ask, standing up as well, your voice perhaps a little sharper than usual.

Bucky glances at you briefly. There is a tiny bit of concern in his eyes. “There’s something goin’ on out there.” He gestures toward the door. “Think I should check. Might be Miss Nelly.”

Something clenches in your gut.

Miss Nelly, the sweet older woman who lives next door to him and Steve. The one they always help carry groceries up the stairs. The one who has trouble with her hip sometimes. If Bucky thinks she might have fallen, or perhaps tried to carry something on her own, of course, he wants to check.

But that is not what is happening out there.

You rush to step between him and the door. “Let me check.”

Bucky shakes his head. “You wait here, doll. I’ll be back in a sec-”

But you don’t let him finish.

You throw the door open and basically slam it shut behind you before he can follow.

Yes, that was perhaps a little rude. Yes, that will probably only make him more suspicious. Yes, you could have come up with something better. But you certainly did not have the time to think about what exactly.

Right outside, Sam and Steve are standing there - in front of the open door to Sam's apartment where a chair lays with its backside on the floor - wide-eyed, looking about as guilty as two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

You would have laughed at the sight if not for the fact that you just slammed Bucky’s own apartment door basically in his face without an explanation.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” you hiss, voice low, exasperated.

Sam lifts his hands in a calm down gesture. “Listen-”

“No, you listen,” you snap, whisper-shouting, barely resisting the urge to grab them by their collars and shake them. “He’s two seconds away from walking out that door.”

Steve grimaces, rubbing the back of his neck. “We, uh, we miscalculated.”

“Miscalculated?” you repeat, eyes narrowing.

They both exchange a glance.

You sigh in frustration. “Where’s Nat?”

“Out with Bruce getting drinks,” Steve answers, folding his arms. “Wanda, Clint, and Laura are inside, decorating.”

“Look,” Sam starts, raising a brow. “We’re bustin’ our asses for this dickhead, and you’re the one who came up with the whole thing in the first place.”

“That’s not-”

“So you gotta do your part. Go back in and stall him some more” A grin spreads across his face and he waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “I don’t know - offer him a good time.”

Your eyes narrow, hands on your hips. “Sam.”

Steve sighs, shaking his head, but there is an unmistakable smirk tugging at his lips.

You glare at them both, spinning on your heel before they can make this worse, yanking the door open and stepping back inside the apartment.

Bucky is exactly where you left him.

Arms crossed. Eyebrows raised. Lips parted slightly, caught between confusion and suspicion.

He is wearing that what the hell was that expression.

You swallow and shut the door more forcefully than necessary, the sound echoing slightly.

Bucky doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. Just fixes you with a stare so focused, so piecing, seemingly able to look right through you. It makes you shift where you stand, suddenly hyper-aware of every nervous tick in your body.

“Alright,” he starts slowly, carefully, eyes falling to the door before turning back to you. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Not Miss Nelly,” you quip, attempting a light and assuring tone.

It does not work.

Bucky still doesn’t blink. His jaw works. He doesn’t buy a damn thing you’re trying to sell him.

“No, doll.” His voice is lower now, thoughtful, putting together a puzzle in his head. “What’s going on with you?”

You try to press down the lump in your throat.

“You’re actin’ real weird.” His words aren’t harsh, not even accusing. Just observant.

He cocks his head slightly.

Why did the others think you could withstand the way his eyes root you to the spot without flopping down to the ground as a puddle.

You are so screwed.

You push yourself out of the conversation, walking over to the armchair again and trying to find something to keep you busy while plopping down.

“It’s nothing, Bucky.”

Your fingers curl around the juice bottle, bringing it to your lips, but the cold liquid doesn’t do much to cool the heat crawling up your spine. Your thumb works at the label, picking at the paper until it peels away in small, curling strips.

Bucky blows out a breath, rubbing a hand down his face before slowly making his way over to you.

Crouching in front of you, he braces his forearms on his knees, his eyes intently locked onto you.

The sudden closeness forces you to suck in a breath and your fingers tighten around the bottle in your hands.

His expression shifts again, humor creeping into the smirk on his mouth. “Doll,” he starts, voice light, amused. His hands slide up to rest on either side of your chair, effectively caging you in. “Did you plan somethin’ for me?”

Shit.

Your next inhale is a little hesitant. The air thickens. “No.” It sounds too stiff.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. He is smirking so wide. Enjoying this so much, the way you squirm in your seat before him.

You push forward, shaking your head. “No, Buck. I did not.”

“You sure?” He almost laughs.

“Yes, I just-” You are floundering, drowning in your own words. How can you save this now?

“I’m nervous.” Well, at least that’s not a lie.

Bucky’s expression softens immediately, his amusement fading into something quieter. He straightens up, tilting his head tenderly. His full attention is on you.

A gentle crease in his brows forms. “Why are you nervous, sweetheart?” His voice is softer now, lower.

And guilt hits you.

How do you get out of this?

But, hell, he is so close, too close. His eyes are so blue, too blue. His gaze is so intense, too intense. You are feeling hot, too hot - your brain isn’t working, it’s overheating, and your mouth is suddenly moving.

“Because.” Shut up, shut up, shut up. “Because I think we need to talk.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

The entirety of Bucky shifts and you just want the ground to eat you up right this second.

Because now he looks so worried. So genuinely concerned.

You feel yourself start to sweat. Where is this going? Why can’t you stop this? Why did you even start it?

Bucky’s face drops to a frown so deep, lines are forming. A hand of his moves, palm landing lightly on your knee.

“We can talk, doll.” His voice is even softer now, barely above a murmur. “Is something wrong? You alright?”

You just stare at him.

Your heart is hammering.

What the hell are you doing?

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as your fingers keep worrying at the torn label, peeling off strips that crumple beneath your fingertips. It’s the only thing you want to focus on right now with Bucky’s proximity and his intense gaze.

But then his hands replace the bottle and he grasps your fingers, wrapping around them and stilling their fidgeting.

Something electric rushes through your veins so quickly, you couldn’t catch it if you tried.

This is getting way too serious.

Too intimate in a way that sends your pulse skittering up your throat.

You feel like a deer caught in headlights, your body tensing up, lungs forgetting how to work properly. Because this is veering dangerously off course, heading straight for a conversation you’re not sure you’re ready to have. You never thought you’d ever be ready.

But you started this. You walked straight into it with your own words, and there is no backing out now. So you might as well be honest now.

No time like the present.

Bucky must feel the way your hands begin to tremble in his hold, because he adjusts again, shifting closer, his knees pressing against the base of your chair. His thumbs trace over the backs of your hands. His frown deepens.

Why does he have to be so worried? It would make things so much easier if he remained casual and easy. But really, that’s how Bucky always is. Worrying so fast when it comes to you. You can’t really blame this on him now, can you?

His voice drops lower, soft as a whisper. “What is it, sweetheart?” His eyes are full and searching. “Talk to me.”

Air hitches, stalling between your ribs before pushing forward in a rather trembling exhale. Your lungs barely feel full. Your eyes dart away from his, searching the room, the floor, anywhere but him.

“Did I upset you? Is it something I did-”

“No!” you rush out, hastily. “No, you didn’t do anything, Buck.” God, now he even goes that far. This is bad.

Bucky softens a tiny fraction, but he keeps sweeping his eyes over your face, latching on the details, trying to study you, trying to read what this is about. “You can tell me, doll. Always. Whatever it is,” he coos so sweetly, and it makes you want to cry.

How do you even start this?

You open your mouth. You’re certainly not ready to climb the whole mountain, but perhaps you can try a small hill.

“Do you-” You swallow, trying to sound as if you are simply reminiscing. “Do you remember that time after your game last year when it started pouring the second we left the stadium?”

Bucky blinks at the sudden turn. Confusion enters his features but the worry only deepens. “What?”

You push forward, gaze fixed on the arm of your chair as if it might give you the courage you need. “You gave me your jersey, even though I already had a jacket and you were the one soaking wet-”

Bucky’s brows pull further together, his head shaking slowly, not knowing what to do with your words. “Doll-”

“You walked me all the way back to my apartment.” Your voice turns quieter as if you are speaking more to yourself than him. Perhaps you are. Saying those things out loud makes them seem so much more important. “And then you got sick for three days.”

His hands squeeze yours gently. “I mean- Yeah, I remember.” Confusion also settles in his tone. “But what’s that got to do with-”

“I don’t know,” you cut in quickly. “I just-” You exhale a deep sigh. “I think about that a lot.”

Bucky says your name like it is something delicate. Something that might slip away if he is not careful.

“Look at me, please.”

You try, but it’s hard.

It means staring into those impossibly blue eyes that see too much, that strip you bare without even trying, that try to coax something out of you, you didn’t even plan on letting go.

But you force yourself to lift your gaze and it is worse than you expected.

He is watching you with an intensity that makes you stop breathing. His stormy eyes are so full of concern, so desperate to understand what is going on in your head, searching every inch of your face.

His lips are parted slightly. His breathing is sharper. Uneven.

“What’s going on, hm?” he coaxes, so softly, so full of patience you don’t deserve. “What’s this about? You still feelin’ guilty?”

Your heart plummets like a stone.

“Doll, there’s no need to, alright?” His hands squeeze yours, grounding, reassuring. “We talked about this.”

God, why does he have to be so good?

His voice is so warm. Warm like sunlight, like home. It makes the sting behind your eyes grow stronger.

You don’t want to cry.

You don’t want to feel this way. Don’t want to ruin his fucking birthday like this. This is getting so out of hand right now, but what should you do? You are so tangled up in trying to figure out what to say, things you are too much of a coward to finally admit out loud.

Bucky notices your struggles. He sees them. Plain on your face. His thumbs brush over your skin in careful strokes. “And you took such good care of me.” His tone lightens, trying to pull you out of whatever hole you’re sinking into. “Remember that part?”

You nod, swallowing and swallowing but the clump of emotions stays stuck in your throat. “Yeah.” Your voice comes out flat, like you are detached from it. “I do. Sorry for bringing it up.”

Bucky’s lips press together, and then he sighs so deeply, his chest rises and falls profoundly.

“Doll,” he murmurs, straightening up, arms beside you tensing as though he is holding himself back from doing something. “That’s not what you wanted to talk about.”

He’s right.

“Darlin’, please,” he urges, and god, the way that word falls from his lips makes you shudder. His voice is barely above a whisper now, full of something genuine, something tender, something that makes him sound like he wishes you would just talk to him, and it makes you want to shrink down to something he can’t see anymore. “What is it?”

You could lie. Again.

You could laugh it off, steer the conversation away, keep pretending.

You could drag this out further until the others are ready, leaving him worried and slightly upset.

You could tell him the truth about the party.

Or you could finally come clean about the feelings you have held in your heart for so long. Feelings for your best friend.

Drawing in a breath, you straighten slightly. Your hands, still held in his, still shaking, squeeze back. His eyes never waver from your face, tracing the contours of your features.

You clear your throat, but it doesn’t help much. “Uhm,” you croak. “I- I wanted- I need to tell you something.”

His fingers twitch around yours. His features fall into a deep concentration. He doesn’t rush you. Just watches. Waits.

And god, his eyes are pools you never learned to swim in.

You look away, at the wall behind him. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now, I guess. But-” You inhale a quivering breath. “But I was afraid. Because I don’t know how you’ll react.”

Bucky doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. His chest rises and falls deeply, almost mechanically. There is something almost spellbound in the way he stares at you, completely locked in, completely yours. The only sign that he has heard you is the subtle press of his fingers against yours.

His head dips in a nod for you to go on.

You wet your lips. “I, uhm-”

But then something catches your attention.

The door to Bucky’s and Steve’s apartment opens.

Painstakingly slow.

You stiffen.

Bucky is still so enamored with what you were saying, he doesn’t seem to notice at first. His back is to the door.

You see heads peeking through the small gap, cautious, bodies frozen in an awkward crouch as if that makes them less noticeable.

Steve and Sam.

They are trying to slip in without a sound, their movements so unbelievably slow, exaggerated. They resemble cartoon characters sneaking through a heist.

Sam motions at you wildly, gesturing at Bucky, at himself, at the hallway, mouthing something like distract him! Keep him busy.

They almost make it, but Bucky catches the small reaction of you, the surprise. His senses are too tuned in to every little thing about you and with his brows knit together, he shifts to glance over his shoulder.

You don’t think about anything.

Your hands rip from his, and before he can turn fully, before he can see those two idiots, you grab his face.

Bucky jolts, startled, his breath hitching audibly. His skin is warm beneath your palms, the sharp angle of his jaw fitting perfectly against your hands. His wide eyes snap back to you, dumbfounded, searching.

He blinks at you. Then blinks again. Then simply stares.

His lips part slightly, breath brushing over your skin.

Your heart slams against your ribs.

This is close. Too close. Closer than you’ve ever been. Well, but not closer than you’ve let yourself imagine. But having him here in reality is something else entirely.

Sam throws you a thumbs up over Bucky’s head and a wiggle of his brows and the both of them disappear from sight into the hallway.

But you just made this worse.

And you are still holding his face between your hands.

Bucky’s lashes flicker, but he doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t fight it. Just stares at you like you’ve done something earth-shattering, like you’ve just rewritten every unspoken rule between you in a single, desperate motion.

Your pulse is a drum against your throat.

You see Bucky’s pulse thunder in his neck.

But he doesn’t move. You don’t move either.

He doesn’t breathe. You don’t know if you do.

He watches you. You watch him back.

“Doll?” Bucky practically breathes the question.

You swallow hard. Opening your mouth doesn’t help with finding words, so you shut it again. Slowly, you pull your hands away from his face.

But Bucky still doesn’t move.

His breath is still broken, his lips still parted, his brows still slightly drawn, stuck somewhere between surprise and something so deep, you’d be falling endlessly.

He is leaning in just the slightest bit, as though his body hasn’t quite caught up with his mind, not even realizing he is doing it.

And you hate the way your chest aches at the look in his eyes.

There is so much all at once and the more you stare, the harder it gets.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, dropping your gaze.

But there is movement in your peripheral.

Steve and Sam are creeping back out of the hallway, lugging something that looks like Bucky’s speaker system from his room.

And god help you, they are still moving at a snail’s pace, their motions so exaggerated, so painfully slow and obvious that you want to scream. You grit your teeth.

Fortunately, Bucky is still just staring at you, stunned.

The two are just about to reach the door, so close to getting through this ridiculous charade, when Sam’s end of the box bumps against the shoe shelf.

The sound isn’t loud, but it’s enough. Enough for Bucky’s head to instinctively turn toward the noise. Enough for his body to shift just slightly.

Your brain short-circuits.

Like completely.

Totally.

Lacking any sense.

Not only do you pull his face back.

You pull it in.

“Kiss me,” you blurt, and it’s not soft, not sweet, not anything carefully planted - it’s desperate, panicked.

Bucky’s whole face just goes wide, pure shock filtering out anything else.

Another bump.

You’re not sure Bucky even heard it, but your lips crash onto his with urgency.

Bucky freezes.

And when you say freeze, you mean freeze.

Every muscle in his body turns to stone. His hands flex before going rigid, floating in the air. His breath stalls. His spine goes straight, and the grunt he lets out - so low and gravelly, caught deep in his throat - reverberates into your mouth.

But behind him, Steve and Sam go as still. Dead silent.

You can feel them watching, their eyes practically bulging out of their skulls.

For a full few seconds, nothing happens.

But then, there is a shift. You don’t see it, but you know it. The way their disbelief turns into something smug - something amused and downright delighted. You feel the way Sam’s mouth probably stretches into that toothy and knowing, cocky-ass grin. You feel the way Steve simply looks happy.

You don’t pull away.

Instead, you wave one frantic hand behind Bucky’s back, motioning wildly, trying to get them to move.

You open an eye to see them still staring, Steve blinking rapidly, Sam grinning like a fool, nudging Steve.

But then, finally, they start creeping out of the room again.

They are gone now.

Bucky still isn’t moving.

He’s not breathing.

He’s not reacting.

And the tension stretches so tight, you swear the air could snap in half.

Because this isn’t just a distraction anymore.

This isn’t just a cover-up.

Your lips are still on Bucky’s.

Your hands are still gripping his face.

And his are trembling where they hover near your knees, as if he wants to touch you, wants to move, but his brain is still struggling to catch up with what is happening.

Then the tension snaps.

Bucky exhales against you.

It’s not just a breath - it’s a surrender. A sharp and shuddering exhale that stirs against your lips, warm and tentative, as if he is trying to feel what is happening, trying to understand the shape of this moment.

His hands flex and twitch against your legs, but he is hesitant, as if waiting for something, waiting for you to pull back, waiting for this to be some kind of mistake.

But you don’t pull back.

You don’t want to pull back.

And that’s when he melts.

He sinks into the kiss, his body softening, folding inward toward you. His fingers slide up your legs, brushing tenderly against the fabric of your pants before settling on your hips, cautious, like he doesn’t want to break the moment, doesn’t want to take too much.

Then, his lips move. It’s a slow, searching motion, testing the waters, trying to figure you out. His mouth is warm, his lips so much softer than you imagined. And hell, did you imagine.

He makes a sound - low and unsure, a hum deep in his throat that vibrates against your lips. His movements are careful, almost disbelieving. Like he is afraid this will disappear if he lets himself want it too much.

But then something changes.

Your nails lightly run over his neck, thumbs over his jawline.

And you feel the exact second the hesitation snaps.

He pulls you in.

His hands tighten, fingers digging into your hips, pulling you forward to the edge of the seat, into his chest, his grip growing needy, desperate. He seems to have been starving for this, like something in him has just broken loose.

The kiss turns deeper, heavier, a push and pull of breath and movement. He kisses you with searching urgency, trying to memorize the exact shape of your mouth, the way you feel pressed against him, the way you taste.

His lips part, just for a moment, and then he dares to press in a little more, tilting his head, fitting his mouth more firmly against yours.

He makes another sound - this time rougher, needier - a groan that slips through the space between you.

You can feel the want in the way he kisses you, in the way he angles his head to take more, to taste more, and damn if it does not overwhelm you.

The way his fingers tighten their hold, his thumbs brushing just beneath the hem of your shirt, needing to feel your warmth.

And the way he breathes you in, each exhale shaky, each inhale sharper, like he is drunk on this, on you.

Your hands find purchase in his hair, fingers tangling in the strands at the nape of his neck, and the second you pull just so slightly, he makes a sound.

A gravelly noise that shoots straight through you, heat curling at the base of your spine.

He is kissing you like he can’t help it anymore. As if he has been waiting for this exact moment, for you, for so long that he’s past the point of fighting it.

You thought he’d pull away. You thought he’d startle and demand an explanation, eyes sharp with suspicion, voice laced with confusion. But he doesn’t.

His lips only press more firmly against yours, his nose sweeping against your cheek, his chest rising and falling unevenly, breathing erratic as if he is just as lost in this as you are.

Your heart is hammering so violently in your chest, you think he must hear it, must feel it where your body is pressed to his. Your hands are slightly trembling, sliding to curl into the fabric of his shirt, holding onto him. Because you have to hold on. You have to anchor before you fall, before you slip too deep into the intoxicating pull of him and lose all sense of self.

But maybe you already have.

Because he is kissing you as though he’s afraid this is a dream, testing the edges of reality with every careful, exploring movement of his tongue and lips.

He tastes like something warm, something safe, something like the orange juice you two have been drinking, something wholly Bucky. Every press of his lips, every brush of his tongue against yours, is stealing a coherent thought from your mind.

This was supposed to be a distraction. This was supposed to be a lie.

But hell, it’s not.

It’s everything you’ve ever wished for.

When you pull away, both breathless and panting, his forehead stays against yours.

Your pulse is so fast, so fluttering, and you know he can feel it, the way it thrums in your chest, in your throat, in the slight tremor of your fingers still curled loosely in his shirt.

His hot and shuddering exhale fans over your lips and it’s maddening how much you want to taste them again, how much you want to fall right back into him.

You open your eyes.

His are already on you, so close, so intent, so devastatingly blue that they don’t help at all in trying to regain a healthy breathing rate. There is something in them, something soft and devoted, something awed, like he can’t quite believe you are real, that this is real.

A shiver works its way down your spine, leaving goosebumps in its way and Bucky sees it. He feels it. His grin widens, slow and boyish almost, something that makes him look young and light, like something is lifted off his shoulders.

Your name is a breath that leaves his lips with the kind of care reserved for wishes made on falling stars.

It sends another shudder through you, and his grin turns brilliantly wide.

“That the present you were talkin’ about earlier?” he breathes, voice still hoarse, still dazed.

You huff a laugh, shaking your head. Smiling. Grinning. Like a fool. God, you can’t stop. It’s lifting your cheeks and making you feel giddy in a way you haven’t felt in so long.

“No,” you whisper back, voice airy.

“Don’t matter,” Bucky’s voice is full of affection, of something certain. His hands slide up, one cupping your jaw, thumb skimming over your cheek, the other finding the nape of your neck, fingers weaving into your hair. Holding you there. Holding you close. “Best damn present I’ve ever gotten.”

His tone is so sincere, so full of adoration, that your breath turns upside down, and you can’t do anything but feel the way butterflies are dancing in your stomach.

Heat floods your face and Bucky’s fingers flex against your skin, his smile turning impossibly brighter.

His eyes are shining with something you don’t think you’ve ever seen in them before. It’s breathtaking. It’s promising. It’s worshipful.

It’s everything.

You guess you owe him a little bit of an explanation.

There is guilt pooling in the hesitation before you speak. “Buck?” you start, voice quiet.

“Yeah, baby?” he drawls, and the way the new nickname rolls from his tongue so seamlessly makes your next inhale shatter midway, breaking into uneven pieces. You almost feel like choking.

His voice is so full of warmth, so soft, so fond. He is smiling at you and his eyes are sparkling as if you’ve just handed him the world. He is kneeling in front of you, patient and content, as though he’s got all the time in the world if it means spending it with you.

Something dizzying rushes through your veins, sparking at the base of your spine. You have to take a moment, a single, shaky pause to shove the giddiness down for later, to not let it explore the wide landscape of your heart and mind.

You clear your throat, shifting slightly in your seat, still at the edge of the armchair. Your chest almost brushing against Bucky’s. “I, uh- I do have something planned for you.”

Bucky is beaming. His amusement spills over into something so brilliant and blinding. His entire face lights up, so open, so full of adoration that it makes a feeling of pure bliss explode in your chest, sending delightful shivers down to your toes and hell, you don’t think you can handle it.

“Oh, do you?” he muses, dragging the words out slow and teasing. There is something beneath the syrupy sweetness. Something like mischief. His brows raise, eyes glinting, his lips twitch, and you know he is about to be a menace.

Tilting his head, Bucky feigns deep thought, but his eyes stay on you at all times. “Would that involve two idiots tryna sneak around behind my back?”

You blink at him.

Bucky’s grin turns wolfish and he bites his lip to suppress a laugh.

“You were actin’ all off from the beginning, doll. Knew somethin’ was up,” he states, voice a little softer, until he turns on his playful teasing voice again. “Flawless execution, sweetheart. Didn’t notice a damn thing.”

Groaning loudly, you press your hands to your face and Bucky lets the laugh out. It’s full-bodied and wholehearted. His chest shakes, his shoulders lift, his body tilts into it. And it’s such a good sound, such a lovely sound, so rich and free. It makes your own lips curl despite the frustration of the ruined surprise.

Bucky reaches up to gently pry your hands away from your face. His grip lingers, thumbs tracing over your knuckles, his touch so easy and natural.

His expression gives way to something soft. He bites his lip again, before bringing your hands up and kissing them softly, twinkling bright blue eyes trained on you and the deep flush that spreads along your cheeks.

Perhaps Bucky Barnes finally has a reason to start celebrating his birthday.

“But oh baby! Your smile.. Felt like warm sunshine after a heavy storm.. Overdose of it, is still not enough for me..”

- Zankhana

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reidrum · 1 day ago

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you can let it go

note: user reidrum's hurt/comfort demons are back but like don't read into it

summary: in which you feel yourself slipping away but not if spencer can help it

cw: hurt/comfort, reader is depressed, hairwashing, pet names, spencer loves you very much

wc: 1.7k

The soft glow of the television is the only source of light in your apartment, a marathon of sitcom reruns has been burning into the screen for the unknown amount of hours you’ve been laying on the couch.

When the door opens you don’t even notice it, your phone has been dead for the past few hours and so if Spencer or anyone else texted you about their arrival you were none the wiser. You’d feel bad about being unreachable if you knew Spencer wasn’t expecting it—you’ve played this role before, too well actually—and so Spencer knows better than to think otherwise until he’s checked home.

“Sweetheart?” he calls out softly, aware of the vague shape on the couch.

You hide it well, you think. Spencer being gone on cases most of the time makes it easier for you to slip through the cracks undetected, where the weight of the fall needs only to be beared on you and no one else. Spencer loves you, and you know this to be fact. You love Spencer too, so much that it would be the opposite of showing him love if you let him worry about you—so you don’t give him the opportunity to do so.

It’s not that you weren’t cause for worry, people worry for a reason. But the vicious cycle you’ve stuck yourself in means creating a set up for them to leave you. They can only worry about you for so long until they realize you’re not making tangible progress to get better; they’ll never know you don’t have a choice but they’ll know it’s enough for them to abandon you.

But Spencer, he has enough to worry about. His job requires him to see the worst of what humanity has to offer, not to mention he’s already dealing with navigating his own gnarly demons like addiction and incarceration. To add upon that would be selfish and irresponsible, you love him too much to do that to him.

He approaches closer and his heart clenches at how quickly you try to mask whatever emotion you had on your face to a stone cold front.

“I’m fine.” you mumble, “just tired.”

He frowns, because of course he knows. It’s the only thing you don’t like about Spencer—his ability to read you better than anyone.

Spencer finds your achilles heel and lets his arrow aim with accuracy as it disarms and exposes you. To Spencer, he’s just looking for a way in. If that’s through your most vulnerable spot then that’s a trek he’s willing to brave for you.

He kneels in front of the couch to be level with your face, his hand reaching out gently carding through your hair.

“Angel,”

Your eyes squeeze tighter, like if you try hard enough you’ll be engulfed in the darkness it brings you.

“Don’t.”

He sighs, he knows it’s a futile effort to ask you what’s wrong. His fingers don’t stop combing through your hair, and you’re thankful that your dismissiveness wasn’t a deterrent this time. You’re never sure when it’ll be the last time.

“What happened baby?” he whispers softly.

You let out a whine, unsure yourself when or how it got to this point. It just…happened.

His hand holds pressure on your head, “Did you eat anything?”

“Wasn’t hungry.” you claim but your stomach betrays you as you speak.

He’d laugh if he wasn’t as overly concerned as he was, “I’m gonna order food and then we’re going to take a shower, okay?”

You open your mouth to protest, “But—“

“No buts,” he chides, “Just…wait here.” he stands up and walks into the kitchen dialing the restaurant number.

Great, you’ve upset him now. He just came home from a trip after solving what was probably a very exhausting case, and now you’ve selfishly added more to his plate of things to worry about. You should have sorted yourself out before he got home, before you burdened him some more.

Spencer places the order and walks back out into the living room, “Food’s on the way, do you want to walk to the bathroom or I can carry you?”

Your reply is immediate, “I can walk, don’t worry.”

The ghost of a smile teases his face, “You sure? Morgan thinks I gained some muscle since the last case, won’t even strain a thing if I tried.”

You make a poor attempt at matching his joke, “It’s okay, my legs still work I think.”

“Alright baby, come on.” he holds a hand out to help you up and leads you to the bathroom.

You stand in the middle of the bathroom while Spencer turns on the shower making sure it’s in the right temperature setting as it heats up. He returns to you and gestures for you to lift your arms as he gently undresses you, before quickly removing his own clothes to join you. You both get in the shower with your back facing the water stream and Spencer in front of you. The warmth of the water is soothing on you, but the concern rises before you can counter it.

“You’re cold,” you note, as your body takes up all of the water.

“I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry about me.” he whispers gingerly, his hands coming up to frame your face to gently guide you, “Lean your head back, sweet girl.”

You listen and let the pressure consume you as the warmth surrounds you like a halo, his fingers threading through your hair to massage your scalp. It’s almost painful at how tender he’s being with you, you’re not sure what you even did to deserve this treatment.

Spencer removes his hands and pumps shampoo onto them, rubbing and lathering them together before returning to your head. His fingers rethread themselves again but he brings your head slightly closer to him to press a long kiss to your forehead. The familiar sting returns to your eyes and you know it’s not from the shampoo dripping down.

He leans your head back again to the water stream to wash out all the shampoo, before repeating the same process with the conditioner. His fingers spend extra time applying pressure to your scalp in hopes of it relaxing and calming you further. When your eyes flutter shut he smiles to himself softly before kissing your nose.

The intimacy of the moment is not lost on either of you. There’s a version of you that wouldn’t even believe someone cared about you this much to do things like wash your hair for you. Spencer can’t imagine a version of himself where he does otherwise.

Once all the conditioner is lathered out he makes quick to wash your body and his before rinsing you both down and shutting the shower off. He reaches for the hair towel and wraps your hair up, to which you can’t help but smile in amusement at the fact that he even knows how to do that. Spencer must sense your astonishment and chuckles, “I told you I’m a man of many talents.”

You reach for the bigger towel and hand one to Spencer as you both dry off and step out of the bathroom. He perches you on the edge of the bed while he goes to the dresser to grab clothes for you both, coming back to tug one of his sweatshirts over you and a pair of his boxers to slip into.

Spencer puts his own clothes on and grabs your wet hairbrush, cause for another amusing smile because how the hell does he know the difference. He notices a lot more about you than you think, and for him sometimes it’s fun to keep those cards hidden until certain times. Like now, when he props himself against the headboard of your bed and calls for you to sit in between his legs.

Once you situate yourself he leans you forward slightly so he can brush all your hair to your back, and gently brushes out the tangles in your wet hair. The soft stroke of the bristles grounds you back to reality—back to him, and suddenly you don’t feel as heavy anymore.

The last tangle is brushed out and he sweeps your hair to one side and gestures for you to lean back into his chest, his nose burying in the crook of your neck.

“I’m not mad at you,” he says into your neck, “I know you think I am, but I promise you I’m not.”

You swallow a sob, “It’s okay if you are, I don’t mean to be so high maintenance.”

He holds you tighter instinctively, “It is not high maintenance to feel emotions, baby. Or to need support. Taking care of you is a privilege, really.”

Since the day he met you he’s spent everyday cursing and thanking whoever made you feel like this was a normal state to be in. You don’t deserve to feel scared at showing your face to the people who love you in fear they’ll weaponize it against you. But in an odd and maybe slightly selfish way he’s thankful that he gets to be the one who shows you what it means to be loved, that your ability to grow and heal is not sacrificed as a causality of the circumstances you’ve faced.

What he does get upset about is when you hide from him like this—he can’t take care of you if he doesn’t even know something is wrong, and as smart as he is sometimes it’s just not that easy to tell how you’re feeling on calls with you when he’s away.

“I mean it, I love you. Nothing will ever change that. I’ll always be here for you. Just need you to tell me when, okay?”

You angle your head up towards him, “I’m sorry.” you strain.

“Nothing to apologize for, angel,” he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead, shutting his own eyes, “You’re okay, everything’s okay.”

Spencer knows you trust him, and that your reluctance to open up is not personal to him but to who you were before you met him. He hopes that by loving you as much as he does it will be enough to uncross the wires that led you astray, and back into his heart.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x fanfiction #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid criminal minds

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reignpage · 2 days ago

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Frat Boy!Gojo

Mojito: bottomless brunch and bottomless life

Word Count: 3.0k Contents: angst, cursing, some dark themes, threat of violence, not proofread

Still no message from Gojo.

You don’t expect him to reach out. He hates you. And it’s not as if he’s going to say congratulations for your engagement to the Zenin, if only because it won’t be announced until months later, when the forced engagement allegations with the Gojos die down, or so your mother says.

Knowing the probabilities, you still can’t help but check your phone every minute or so.

It had only been hours after your mother had so graciously broken the news to you and despite that, you’ve found yourself at yet another family dinner discussing wedding preparations. It’s some sort of cosmic mockery, you think. This time, however, you’re at the world’s most frigid hellhole.

The Zenin Manor is as repulsive as ever — the decor is gaudy and hideous, with bright red carpeting, random displays of medieval armour and taxidermies ranging from great bears to little rabbits. In every room, and there are many, they’ve hung up chandeliers made of, what you can only guess to be Swarovksy crystals, and even the hand soaps in the bathrooms are Chanel. If you steal one, you could probably fund someone else’s tuition for a year or two and they wouldn’t notice. You’re tempted to try.

And then, there’s the actual inhabitants.

The way they laugh haughtily, flaunt their perfectly aged wine, and look at you with those stone-cold beady eyes all Zenins seem to be born with. It’s all so plastic. A polystyrene bonanza. Women of your age snickered behind manicured hands and French tips, men of all ages leered with sickly sweet gazes, and even the children looked down on you. A baby scoffed at your dress. A fucking baby.

You hated it here when you were a little girl, and when you were a teenage, and you hate it now as a woman about to marry into the damn family.

With the way your life is going, you feel inclined to agree with Nietzsche; God might just be dead.

Or, at the very least, mean.

“You take philosophy, no?” A lady around your mother’s age asks, cutting through the conversations at the long dining table.

Gulping down bitter-tasting wine, you force a smile, your mother’s nails digging into your thigh. Somewhat flustered by the way she seemed to have read your mind, you answer, with a jovial tone, “That’s right. It’s been an interest of—“

“Oh, goodness. Philosophy is such a dreadful subject. All that talk about nihilism and whatnot to no end. Life is so amazing, why ruin it with miserable ideas against capitalism? Capitalism built this country!”

Someone else says, “It’s an awfully useless subject too. As I’ve been discussing with the Ryomens, we should do away with these Mickey Mouse degrees. All these arts and crafts and ridiculous gender studies rubbish! The children need to learn about the economy and maths and science! How else will they ever contribute to our society?”

A round of hums of agreement resound.

You don’t say a thing the rest of dinner. And no one asks you for anything either.

The wedding has been planned without a single input from you, from the peonies that will litter the aisle to the peach bridesmaids dresses on the Zenin girls you don’t even know to the fact that you’ll be dropping out of Eden University to begin your stay-at-home life immediately.

You listen to all that they have to say, static playing in your head, nodding as if on autopilot until you’re guided to your room by a maid. And in there, huddled against the door, you cry.

Within five years, you had lost everything. First your family’s fortune, then your best friend, and now your freedom. You should have taken the engagement With Gojo more seriously, should have tried harder to make him like you, because even if he couldn’t grow to love you, you’re at least confident enough to say he’d never steal your future from you. If anything, it was you stealing his from him.

There’s no one you can talk to. Your only real friend is in a coma, your father is always too drunk to know what’s going on, and your mother?

Not a single memory of a heart-to-heart can be found when you think hard about the last time she was willing to hear you out. In fact, on the car ride over from the hospital to the manor, she only rattled off all the conditions the Zenins had made, the rules and expectations they had.

You have a curfew at six in the evening, you cannot bring friends over (which is fine since you have none you’d want to show this side of your life to), you cannot ever, under any circumstances, be seen with Gojo (also fine since you’ll probably never see him again anyways), and worse of all, your wardrobe will be managed by a family-approved stylist to ‘ensure you don’t tarnish the picture-perfect image they’ve cultivated over centuries.’

This whole thing is fucked.

And you hate that you’re crying over it but nothing can be done, you supposed. At least this way, your family will be taken care of. Your father might just get the help he needs and the stick up your mother’s ass will be taken out and burnt…hopefully.

Not to mention, it’ll be much easier to pay for Asahi’s hospital bills this way.

Right, so it’s okay. It’ll all be okay.

You’re going to be just fine.

No matter how your life is turning out, you’ll find a way to thrive, just as you have done before and you will again. The Zenins will leave you alone as long as you comply — wear their stupid clothes, attend their stupid events, smile like a stupid wife, bear some stupid Zenin babies, and you’ll be fine.

Oh fuck.

You’ve forgotten all about the actual man you’re marrying: Naoya.

There’s no telling what that man is thinking. Maybe he has just as much interest in this marriage as you do, maybe you’ll rarely ever see him, and maybe the rumours are wrong.

Is this all just wishful thinking?

Maybe you need to consider backup plans. But where could you go? Who can you turn to?

You sigh, head thudding back against the door.

This room they shoved you in is just as ugly as the rest of the manor. Everything is so over-the-top and stereotypically feminine you can almost taste the artificiality of it all. There’s a pink lace canopy over some grandmother-like bedsheets, everything’s in pastel, and there are mirrors on every wall as if that’s all a girl could ever want or need. This prison tastes like strawberry-flavoured children’s medicine. And you think you might just throw up the dinner you’ve just eaten.

You need to get out of here.

Sneaking away is a lot easier than you thought it would be. The hallways are empty, and downstairs, past the foyer, you can hear the chattering in the dining room as they plot how to ruin your life and the high-pitched, pretentious laughter is fuelling your escape. There’s no life in this place, like the limp wick of a candle, only being lit to perform, and then blown out again when the watchful eyes are gone.

That will indubitably drive you insane when you’re permanently trapped there. You’ll be brought out like fine china for charity events, to rub elbows and kiss ass, the winding key at your back turned and turned, tightening the spring inside until your smile is pulled higher up your cheeks and you dance like a circus monkey, all cute and whimsical with the threat of a whip always in the shadows, beyond the tent.

Could you last ten years living like that? Even five? One?

You ponder all those questions on your way to the hospital, grateful that your dress, or what remains of it, provides a camouflage in the darkness of the night.

At first, the hospital gave you reprieve every night, allowing you to distance yourself from your family and your own stuffy home, but then university started and you could only go a couple times a week, and then eventually only every Thursday, though here and there you’d visit more often, under the guise of going to the spa for part of your wedding preparation. There’ll be no more of that.

It felt like betrayal to live the life he was supposed to, which is probably why the only friends you made are only good for getting high and accompanying you to raves.

But still, you’re the only one who visits him, and now that you’re getting married to a Zenin, you wonder how often you’ll get to visit now. Once a month? Every year?

Breathing another heavy sigh, you walk through the familiar hallways, the ones that ironically feel much more alive than that god-forsaken place. The nurses smile at you, so do the patients through their open doors. You belong in here just as much as they all do. This is your true home.

“What happened to your dress?”

You look to your left.

A little girl is staring at you through the doorway of her own suite. You smile.

“Hi, Noba. How are you?”

She kicks her little feet out, miles higher than the floor. Despite how late it is, she’s still awake, short hair bobbing with the tilt of her head. “Good. What happened to your dress?”

Stubborn as hell, you know she’ll follow you around and keep asking if you don’t surrender now, so you reply, “Got into a fight. It was terrible. I won, though.”

“Was it with that boy?” The look of confusion on your face makes her roll her eyes, tugging the line of IV with a wave of her arm. “Y’know, that snowman-looking boy. The really loud one. He was asking everyone about you. Even Shoko. She kept telling him to go away because she was helping me eat breakfast but he wouldn’t stop talking.”

Your heart clenches.

“It wasn’t with him. But it’s okay. I’m fine.”

She isn’t convinced, you can see it in her doe eyes but she shrugs and shuffles on her bed. “My mummy says that all the time. I’m always in here but she says she doesn’t mind as long as she gets to be with me. Why do adults lie?”

You don’t have an answer and she doesn’t expect you to. Lying back on her bed, she stares at her pale hand, so small and fragile, and shakes it, entranced by the needle lodged inside.

Your heart clenches again but for a different reason; Nobara’s been here longer than Asahi has. In fact, she hasn’t left since she was born, the nurses say. And yet her headstrong attitude has never wavered and she’s always a ball of light that cheers the other patients on. Sometimes you’d find her in your friend’s room organising the flowers, throwing out the wilted ones. You couldn’t imagine this place without her but more than anything, you really hope you can.

“Are you going to see your friend?”

Nodding, you give her, what you hope is, an encouraging smile. That drops, though, when her head turns, arm dropping, and her eyes meet yours. You feel spine-tingling dread crawl up your spine before she even opens her mouth.

“He’s already got a visitor but I think he’ll be happy to know you came when it isn’t Thursday yet.”

Getting to his room is a blur, your body moved on muscle memory alone, and when you push the door open, the pounding of your heart thudthudthudding against your chest like a bomb ticking, all your worries come alive.

Because, there, standing by an empty bed, is your future husband.

His grin is twisted and shivers rapidly wrack your body, piercing your bones, hooking themselves in your flesh. He’s dressed in hunting clothes, a speckle of blood on his collar the only thing out of place. The bastard’s even brought the gun along, it’s leaning against the foot of the bed.

And he doesn’t look the least bit surprised to see you here.

“Good evening, bride.”

Disgust crawls in your throat. His voice is indescribable but it’s just as plastic as anything else in his home. It’s the kind of voice that speaks nothing but high class politeness even though it’s riddled with thorns of venom. That’s a voice you’ll have to listen to for the rest of your life and it’s coming from a mouth you’ll have to kiss tomorrow.

Carefully, you take a step inside. “What’re you doing here?”

Fingers skimming the sheets on the bed, he lifts a shoulder in a shrug. He’s making it abundantly clear that he’s only answering what he wants to answer at his own pace, on his terms, and not yours.

“I simply wanted to get to know my bride better. It’s been some time now since we last saw each other, no?”

Your hands ball up into fists, nails threatening to draw blood out of your palms. That pounding in your chest isn’t going away and sweat is dripping down your back. It feels as if you’ve wandered to the gates of hell, the threat of judging fire smouldering on your skin.

“I must say,” he begins, eyes scouring your body in both repulsion and intrigue, “your personal style is not quite what I like, but on our wedding day all of that will be taken off, so I suppose it matters very little. They’ve told you your wardrobe will be managed by the estate, yes? You need not answer, I’m sure they have, and if they haven’t, well you know now.”

When you don’t say a thing in response, he continues.

“You might feel like it’s all happening so fast but I must admit,” he muses, exploring fingers reaching the barrel of his gun now and you’re stuck in place when he lifts it up, aiming it at your head, “I’ve been planning this for a while now. I’ve had my eye on you since you were but a child clinging to your mother’s skirt even as she tries to shake you off. It was a curious sight. And when I found out about your engagement to that Gojo, I was livid. Of course, I knew all about your family’s misfortunes, try as your parents did to conceal it all, so I took no offence to the arrangement. No, what upset me most was that he was going to get first taste.”

Even with the distance between you, two metres or so, you can feel the phantom kiss of the cold metal against your forehead. You don’t need to wonder how he managed to bring a gun into a hospital; he’s a Zenin, they do as they please. But the knowledge that if you called out for help no one would come makes you gulp despite the dryness of your mouth.

You won’t humour him. You won’t listen to his spiel, won’t buy into the bullshit he’s spewing. Whether there’s any truth to his words or not doesn’t matter because the intention is all the same: he wants to rattle you. The rumours were true, just as you had suspected — he takes great pleasure in fucking women up, starting with their minds.

Steeling yourself, you ask again, “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?”

His grin grows impossibly wider like he’s glad you caught up on your own. The Zenin watches your eyes scanning the bed and then the room and the bed again; he’s been waiting for you to walk into his trap, an unfortunate deer all vulnerable to his violent desires. That was the real trap.

Carelessly, he throws the shotgun on the bed. It bounces only once, settling in quite comfortably. You grimace. It’s still pointing at you.

“You’ve been visiting another man for years now. That wouldn’t look good for me if my wife paid so much attention to someone else, would it? No, I didn’t think so.”

He steps towards you, adjusting his collar so casually one would think he’s talking about the weather.

“Erasing your party-girl history is easy; most of those ingrates you associated with are too high to even remember their names. But your visits to the hospital? Well, I can’t kill every patient here, can I?”

The twinkle in his eyes tells you he has definitely thought about it and he’d be very eager to try. You know he isn’t bluffing. You’ve always known what men like him, apex predators with limitless money, can do and do do. It was something your father did all the time, until he messed with the wrong people and made the wrong call and then he lost all his influence.

“So, I took matters into my own hands.”

Blood running cold, you ask tentatively, “What did you do?”

You already know the answer. Maybe you knew it before you even came in, before you left the manor, or as soon as you met him at some party and his cold, unfeeling eyes never left yours. r

Every step he takes towards you sends you reeling back until you’re pressed against the wall and goddamn it you hate hospitals. Or better yet, hospitals hate you. His body heat is suffocating, the musky cologne he wears is too strong and it makes your eyes water. Everything about him is wrong. His hair isn’t white, his laugh isn’t addictive, and the windows to the void inside aren’t pretty and blue.

When a hand, baby smooth, brushes your cheek, all you feel are prickles scraping your skin, like the tongue of a cat.

“It was bad enough I had to get a Gojo’s leftover. What I will not put up with is sharing my wife with some no-name dribbling vegetable.”

Leaning in close, you can do nothing but let his lips tease the shell of your ear. No one’s coming. No one will help. No one will see your descent into oblivion as the very last of your spirit is crushed under the weight of his madness. And certainly, no one will catch you.

“You tell me what you think I did.”

He said it like it was some joke. The world’s funniest joke. But you’re not laughing. In fact, when your eyes fall upon that empty bed again, you feel like screaming.

And so you do.

All the way to the altar.

#jjk angst #Gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fic #jjk x you #gojo satoru #modern au

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miedei · 2 days ago

Text

on neurotransmitters and receiving pleasure.

you can't sleep, and spencer takes it upon himself to explain (and enact) how he can help.

cw: fem!reader, established relationship, smut, fingering, lots and lots of hormone talk, slighttt overstim, spencer is hot and gets blue balls but he's too obsessed w you to care

a/n: taking a class that involves a lot of memorising hormones and was thinking about spencer explaining it <33 im also just a sucker for intimate sleepy smut sue me, first proper smut fic!

wc: 2.2k

mlist

(reblogs are the only way to promote fics on tumblr! please reblog if you enjoyed it :) )

Dating Spencer Reid has been decidedly wonderful. He’s sweet, and above all else, attentive. Only a few months into your relationship, he’s somehow learned more about you than you thought was possible, putting that knowledge to good use.

It began with simple things like knowing your coffee order by heart, and remembering the names of your family members after you brought them up. However, it quickly became far deeper than that. He would be bringing oranges to your apartment when you’d gone through a stretch of cold after cold, making sure you don’t run out of the very specific brand of candles you like. You name it, he’s learned it and utilised it for you.

However, a side effect of his perceptive actions is that you feel horribly guilty about taking up too much of his time. He’s so busy, his job and friends and mother are so important to him, that you’re loath to take him away from the things he loves. As a result, you find yourself falling into the insecure trap of making yourself as little a burden as possible, trying to ensure that the things he does for you are because he wants to, not because you need him to.

That’s part of what’s led you here, laying next to him in his far-too-comfortable bed, wide awake.

By all accounts, you should be fast asleep at this point. It’s nearing two am, the curtains drawn so there’s only a soft glow of moonlight coming into the room. Spencer’s left arm is laid over your middle, fingers twitching occasionally to stroke the skin exposed by your (his) shirt riding up. You’re set up for the perfect night of sleep with your perfect boyfriend, but for some reason your mind will not shut up.

Your thoughts are racing from place to place, flitting around like an overexcited butterfly. The interaction you had at the local cafe this morning, the project you’re working on at work, the movie you watched with Spencer a few hours ago, the comfort of the heat radiating from his body.

Letting a soft grumble of frustration escape your lips, you shift, turning to press your back against Spencer’s chest in a vain attempt to use his body warmth to lull you to sleep. Instead, you wind up thinking about him. Him and his pretty eyes, his lips, his hands, one of which is now resting over your stomach.

Great. Now you’re never falling asleep.

You decide to call it, wracking your brain on how to get out of his hold so you can at least wallow in your self pity in the living room without waking him up. Slowly shuffling out from under his arm seems to be the best option, at least to your sleep-deprived brain.

Slowly inching over the mattress, his hand drags over your skin, the slackness of his body allowing you to maneuver yourself halfway out of his grip, when suddenly his hand comes to life, fingers digging softly into your stomach.

“Wh’s going on?” His voice is deeper than it ever is, a slight rasp rattling through his slurred words, which only serves to wake you up further.

You cringe internally, bringing a hand up to cover his.

“Nothing, Spence. Just going into the living room.” He lets out a sleepy groan, attaching himself solidly to your back so there’s no chance of you leaving.

“Why? What happened?” His voice is slowly becoming more clear, lucidity returning to him quicker than you can attempt to soothe him back to sleep.

“I’m fine, nothing happened. Just couldn’t fall asleep, is all.”

He hums softly, the vibrations reverberating against the back of your head. You can feel him waking up, lips moving against your hair.

“What’s wrong? Can’t stop thinking?” You bite back a groan. Of course he knows what’s wrong, even minutes after waking up. Turning in his arms, you bury your face in his chest, mumbling a plaintive yeah.

His hand comes up to play with your hair, the soothing feeling bringing a sense of calm you haven’t had in hours.

“What have you tried? Maybe not counting sheep, because a study at Oxford proved that to be unhelpful, but visualising calm scenes apparently helps.” You shake your head, face still pressed against his sternum.

“Tried it. Didn’t work.”

He lets out a small, reassuring sound that sends shivers down your spine.

“I’m sorry, angel.”

You lay there for a while, but sleep never comes to take you. You’re sure he must be sleepy, but he stays awake, speaking after a long fifteen minutes of silence.

“Hey… Do you want my help?”

Poking your head up to see his face, you question him.

“Help me sleep? How’re you going to do that?” He tilts his head down, and you can just make out the brown of his eyes as he looks at you.

“Orgasms have been proven to be very effective in putting someone to sleep. Y’want me to?” He speaks casually, as if he’s not suggesting anything out of the ordinary. You, however, lose all composure, flushing immediately.

“Spence, I— You’re tired.” He tilts his head to the side, and you observe his eyes sharpen in that unexplainable way they do whenever you’re especially intimate with each other.

“I’m not too tired. Not for you.” It’s like he wants you to melt for him. You can’t help but duck your head, a mortified squeak escaping your lips. He chuckles quietly, hand smoothing the hair at the back of your head as he waits for you to reply.

It takes a few minutes for you to pipe up.

“Do you… Does it really help?”

He presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

“It should. I can explain it to you while I do, if you want.” It takes a beat, but you’re nodding, craning your head up so you can kiss him.

“Okay, baby. Lay back for me? The supine position should make it easier for you, and it’s the best way for you to sleep after if you don’t want neck pain.”

As he speaks, his hand shifts, gripping your waist softly as he helps you lay back against the pillows. He props himself up with an elbow, so he’s hovering slightly next to you. His hand smooths down the fabric of your pyjama top, rubbing soft circles against your stomach with his thumb.

“Sleep deprivation can be caused by a lot of things. Stress, changes in schedules, intake of caffeine.” It shouldn’t be attractive. It really shouldn’t, but you can’t help but let out a shuddering sigh as he speaks, kissing your neck between words. His lips are soft, moulding to the sensitive skin there with reverence that makes you giddy.

His hand begins to move, tracing its way down your front, past your pelvis until it settles on your thigh. There it stays, making broad, sweeping motions on your upper thigh that make you want to squirm.

“Spence…”

He chuckles, pressing one last kiss to the column of your throat before pulling back so he can look at you.

“I’m going to get there, don’t worry.”

You curse at him in your mind, but you can’t bring yourself to make a sound at the moment. Not when his hand is moving dangerously close to the hem of your shorts.

At first contact with the linen material, he pauses the motions, lingering there to play with the fabric. Bending your neck, you watch him, enraptured by the minute movements of his nimble fingers, skin hardened by years of holding his gun. Even the sight of it has you sighing, knowing he’s got you right where he wants you.

The air is thick around you as he slips his hand under the fabric, softly kneading at your inner thighs, only centimetres away from where you need him most. Your hips move without your go ahead, arching down in an attempt to get him closer. The movement doesn’t do anything to get him there, but it clearly causes him to take pity on you.

A smile breaks out on his lips, and he kisses your jaw once before letting his fingers trail up to your core. You flush at the feeling of your wetness on his hand, but he lets out a soft groan, eyes trained down at the bulge of his hand under your shorts.

“Oh, angel…”

You can’t reply, shuddering breaths racking through your body as his fingers trace up and down your drooling slit. It’s overwhelming, the teasing glimpses of pleasure rolling over you until all you can perceive is him.

“You know, sleep deprivation can lead to things like loss of libido. Your circadian rhythms are actually really important to keeping your sex drive steady.”

His middle finger trails up, brushing soft touches against your clit, and you arch your back in response, a soft moan pulling itself from the back of your throat.

“It can be a bit of a vicious cycle, loss of sleep and loss of sex drive. But getting yourself back on track can help with both aspects of your life.”

He moves away from your clit, eliciting a whine that has him kissing your chin in apology. It’s quickly forgotten when the slick-covered digit is slipping into you, the sudden fullness making you squirm against the sheets.

It’s slow, his finger thrusting lazily into you as you pant into the room. Your hands grapple for purchase in the sheets beneath you, your left brushing his free hand. Snatching it up, he helps you stay afloat as the heat bubbles up inside you.

“Arousal and orgasms induce release of the hormones dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is received at different receptors in your body, making you feel comfortable and happy. It’s strongly connected to our reward systems.”

His hand not currently occupied with you brings your hand up to his face, pressing a kiss to your palm as his thumb seeks out your clit, swiping over the sensitive point with practiced precision. It causes you to let out a low, keening moan that encourages him further, his voice gravelly as he continues to speak.

“Oxytocin is released into your bloodstream by the pituitary gland, and is linked with our feelings of love. It’s part of what binds us to our loved ones. It’s controlled by a positive feedback loop, so the more you feel pleasure from it and other stimulants, just like that, the more that’s released.” He pauses to watch you contort with rapture, hips bucking against him as he inserts another finger into you.

You can’t see him, eyes screwed shut with pleasure, but you can imagine him well enough.

His eyes are still hazy with sleepiness, but the glaze of adoration that settles over him whenever he has you like this is surely there too. His hair is messy, falling all over him, but you know he won’t do anything about it, too focused on the task at hand.

“An orgasm will also lower your cortisol levels. That means that you’ll feel less stressed and preoccupied, which should help you sleep.”

You feel a little insane, his low voice sending you hurtling towards greater pleasure. It seems it doesn’t matter what he’s saying, whenever Spencer speaks to you like that, you can’t help but be putty in his hands.

He falls silent now, kissing you once before fixing his intent gaze on you, and you know he’s determined to get you there. His thumb is perfectly synchronized with the two fingers still moving steadily in and out of you, a routine he’s perfected over countless moments just like this one.

He knows steadiness is what gets you over that last hurdle. His hand never falters, the feeling of his calloused fingers dragging against the most intimate parts of your body causing you to puff out shallow gasps. You feel like you’re floating, the feelings so overwhelming that you barely register the feeling of the sheets rustling under your body.

It keeps going, going, going until it happens. One final circle of his thumb against your clit and you fall apart, a cry of his name ringing out in the silence of the room. He doesn’t let up, fingers thrusting lazily in you until you’re whimpering, pushing his forearm with weak hands.

Pulling his hand out of your shorts, he leans over to the nightstand, grabbing a tissue to clean his fingers. Once done, he settles back next to you, pulling the covers snugly under your chin and pulling you toward him. One of his arms lays under your neck, letting you nose into his side and exhale softly.

He’s saying something, voice velvety and comforting, but you can’t register any of it. The chemicals in your brain are swirling pleasantly, and you’re asleep before you can even think about it.

#mdni #mie writes #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer.r #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x fem reader

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