#i fluctuate tho
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neurodivergent people who talk in the third person have my entire heart 💖 /platonic
#starspeak#its me im neurodivergent people#i fluctuate tho#maybe one day the unholy will just do it full time online#idk#anyways#neurodivergent#actually autistic#intellectual disability#brain damage#mogai#idk what else to tag this as i hope it reaches the right people tho
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Do you have a shop? Like a redbubble or something?
WORKIN ON ONE!!!!!
i'm currently a not very financially stable college student atm though and have never really opened a shop before, but i'm working w some pals who have some experience who can help out!!!
i'm hoping to have a bigcartel website set up by december but if i lie and it doesn't happen by then, it will def happen in the summer/before summer next year!!! some things i want to focus on r stickers and keychains but i'm considering selling prints if ppl r interested in that too!
#only dc characters merch tho LOL#sorry everypony else. dc brainrot is too damn big#i might also fluctuate between etsy or bigcartel? it depends on how many ppl get interested!#quynh yaps
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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.
(fics that inspired this at the end)
If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:
The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died
The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.
The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.
(actual idea snippets under the cut)
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Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?
The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.
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Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.
"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."
He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.
There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.
He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.
"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."
He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.
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Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.
He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.
He opens his mouth. Closes it.
Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).
.
Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.
Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.
Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.
Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.
He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.
If if if if if--
.
Inspirations:
Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion
Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm
Verisimilitude by mutemelody
#young justice#young justice cartoon#batfam#batman#dick grayson#thoughts and headcanons#the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life#you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy#until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself#only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it#anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me#the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in#cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu#when they wade into the superhero world#all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol#my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there#he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids#(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids#on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian#on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way#(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age#steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are#i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao#babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless#this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au
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every time this happens i am endlessly sad
#ACTUALLY I HAVE 0 IDEA OF THE TIMELIEN BCS IT LOOKS LIKE BROS AGE FLUCTUATES SO THATS A THING IG#alien stage#alnst#plips rambles#also the unfiroms changed#might be a summer winter summer simulation thing tho
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alfons is really one of those characters that creeps up on u. (all 'flirty' characters are this way for me, i always start out ~iffy~ on them and then my heart grows 15 sizes) when i first started ikevil, i definitely over looked him even though i absolutely adore his design and now i always find myself unconsciously wanting to read anything that has him in it. every time something alfons comes up, im hooked. why am i like this? there is no consistency for me. all characters consume me eventually.
#noxirambles#its truly a problem#i always have a static favorite#but everything below my 1 or 2 favorites is ever fluctuating#:')#its definitely thanks to a certain moot tho
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concept art sera 🐝🏹
#coughs a bit . yes i am reposting#idk if i like this or not . i keep fluctuating between liking it then disliking it !#big fan of sera n her concept art tho . do wish she had a different writer that treated her so much better . do wish that very much#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#sera#digital art#artists on tumblr#dannie arts
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The duality of Alfred...
#hetalia#hws america#my art#tw ed#hes hasn't actually got an ed but just in case#this man has SERIOUS self image issues#like he VAIN AF but also incredibly unsure of himself#if alfred isn't kept constantly busy he falls into self destructive habits#like yknow picking himself apart in the mirror#welllll maybe the t i n i e s t bit if binging#i wouldn't call it an ed tho#just that he binges when upset#he bleaches his teeth AT LEAST once a week#manscapes#GAWD hes so fluckin obsessed w his teefs#its hard work singlehandedly keeping up hollywoods smile reputation#his weight fluctuates A TON cuz he doesn't really move during winter but them is beaching every day during summer#ALSO hc that if a nation doesn't like a tooth (cuz maybe it chipped or got cavities or sm) they just... yank it out#kinda like humans cutting their nails so they grow back better#.txt
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i quite honestly cannot stand this book at the moment
#twist rambles#vc posting#its so funny how everyone is giving it one star reviews on goodreads and not for the reasons im having issues w it lmao. like i think ok#atlantis COULD be interesting in theory ok. understand that i had hope this book would be good. and then its like anne with the steel chair#that is her nonstop racism. and then the like pro monarchy shit that i just dont care abouttttt like. i can be down for royal drama whateve#i love it in got. its fun there. in here tho its like this is the most boring thing ever. so its fluctuating between wow this would be inte#esting if anne wasnt like the most racist that she could possibly be (the fact this is a book written in 2016 makes it worse) and wow this#is boring and tbqh im kind of sick of les.tat atp...
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being bilingual doesnt mean i can write in two languages it means i have two languages fighting inside my brain when i try to write and by fighting i mean blood on the floor of the halls in my mind
#writers on tumblr#writeblr#writers problems#cant i shut down one of them just for a few hours#am i another person in another language google search#is that why my style fluctuates so much in one single chapter#this does not happen with poetry tho#*starts typing in english and switches to portuguese in the middle of the sentence without realizing*#spanish shouting random words at the back#spanish is actually the most romantic of the three#no i can't say “quiero mirarte a los ojos” so shut up#look at me is fine#no one says deixa eu olhar nos seus olhos in portuguese anyways#venting in the hope they SHUT UP
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happy birthday!!! how do you think pre-purpleification twitch and emo phase kik would interact with one another :-P
thank u :) i’ve thought about this… a while ago i thought that twitch would ALSO be a teenager when she was first created bc i associate that hairstyle with younger guys and twitch was not popular for a while (in fact it was less popular than kik was)
if this were the case, i just think twitch would think kik is kinda pathetic and ignore them. tho maybe they would also see themselves in one another…
BUT even if twitch went from teenager to adult within just a couple years, it’d make her relationship w both youtube and steam kinda weird. despite being a fairly mid sized site, i wouldn’t say she HAS to be a teenager bc of that. streaming was a niche that appealed to adults who were 1. able to stream and 2. interested in competitive gaming, speedrunning, etc. so i think its more likely that twitch has always been a proper working adult, compared to kik, which specifically appealed to a younger demographic. twitch was just a young adult who was figuring themself out, lol
they wouldn’t have much to say, but if they met i think twitch would take pity on them and try to be nice. however...twitch was used to fitting in with the more masculine sites while in the closet and involved in gaming culture so she would inadvertently hurt kik's feelings by making fun of her even tho they were trying to be friendly.
its hard for me to say what kik would do bc she was the type who talked a lot over text, but not in person. maybe kik would try to share their own fics, interests or shitty doodles and get attached if twitch reciprocated in any way, and twitch would try to politely turn this guy away bc he actually doesn’t care abt what kik is saying and it’s getting annoying.
#kik quotev friendship real tho#the way the sites age is kinda nonsensical since most of them do not actually “grow up” as they're often created as adults#those who do can fluctuate in how long it takes like for kik it happened pretty fast#but for tiktok it took a couple years#i mean from the point where they go from permanently being teens to being able to grow up#i considered having kik be an adult the entire time but uh idk projection. its more interesting like this#socialstuck#socialstuck cloutchase#ask#kik socialstuck#twitch socialstuck
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i will be taking questions also im legally obligated to clarify sonadow kind of belongs in YEAH but usually because they're funny
#there's less ships than i expected bc off the top of my head i have like two more additions for 'compels me'#local guy who doesn't ship technically ships everything bc i don't really care#bc of this tho some things fluctuate like if i see art cute enough a ship can temporarily skyrocket#speaking
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idk what ramadan is gonna look like for me this year lol
#z.gen#i try to be more on my deen and i will do it this year#like hitting all of my prayers when i normally hit like 3/5 etc#no substances which fluctuates yearly since being calisober is what got me off other drugs but should be fine this yr#a lot of people wont listen to music either but i honestly dont listen to it much during the day regardless#having a very night time schedule is helpful during ramadan#i think im gonna try and focus on establishing all of my prayers#i dont really care to talk about my faith much cause its so genuinely no ones business#but i am muslim i just dont follow the practices of any of the four major sunni schools strongly for other reasons#im not shia either tho... looking#none of it matters rn cause i cant fast anyway LOL but its okay#its just like. kind of hard to celebrate islam with whats going on in palestine#like a lot of my fellow muslims get really obsessed w the aesthetics#but the month is about refraining from worldly desires and practing restraint and is generally anti consumerism#so its like. idk if i care for fun silly ramadan recipes. im gonna try to organize stuff with my mosque again inshallah
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I want to say your style is soft and whimsical? If that's the word. Its a nice variation to a lot of the others I've seen. Sorry if my words are not wording. I love your style is just so fluffy and sweet between Ghost and Soap.
daww thank you! That's so sweet!! Drawing big buff military men has been a challenge for me, it's very different from my usual stuff - but it's fun to love a piece of media so much that it forces you to leave your creative comfort zone. I used to only draw animals when I started out, so that's definitely shaped my style into what it is. But Ghost and Soap deserve a little softness, as a treat, so it’s ok that my style is sorta mismatched with the source material
#ask#xpaintedladyx#warning: rambling in the tags#whimsical is such a sweet word thank uu#like i know making them soft and sweet is ooc but my mental illness demands it#they get to be macho and dudebros in canon#my art style has also changed since getting into cod#believe it or not but I used to draw even more cartoony and that just didn’t fit the vibes I wanted to hit#I didn’t want to make them too dainty so I’ve rly pushed myself to learn how to draw muscles and angular shapes#which probably surprises u considering how soft it still looks XD#it’s also why my art tends to fluctuate a lot bc I’m trying out a bunch of stuff to find a style I’m happy with#going thru my page is just ‘different brushes for lineart’ and ‘different ways of colouring and shading’#I’m getting somewhere slowly tho
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Are you alive??? How is life going for you? (Asking for ooc) (out of character)
hello!!! fortunately i am alive (for the most part) but life seems to enjoy running me over with a truck, the nagito blog curse truly
jokes aside i am alright!!! went through a breakup like 3 days ago but otherwise i am just trying to. Chill out SHDNFB
- mod lillie
#ooc; ik theres asks marinating in the box I'll answer em asap :(#ooc; my motiv fluctuates SM but thats none of ur guys fault obviously SOB#ooc; thank u for checking in tho ur very sweet#ooc; sorries for being so on and off i swear to be consistent at SOME POINT#ooc; i hope i dont sound rude at all WAH but yes i am ok!!#mod lillie🐈#ask; answered!
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went on a walk outside with my friends and realised a lot of this internet shit doesn't matter lol. Gourmand pictures for everyone <3
#....I do have a headache now tho aha ^^; fluctuating in intensity.....wahhh#idk I've been. stressed over tumblr recently like. I am just a guy why do I care so hard sdhdshds#I'm not leaving or anything but. my breaks keep getting longer aha ^^;#Rain World#rw gourmand#Scugplush posting#Android.txt
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No thoughts, just Kaeya getting the equivalent of dunmeshi’s mana sickness when he starts training up his Abyssal abilities during his time with the Ragnvindrs and getting plagued with visions from the leylines near the Winery for a solid Week
#hc; kaeya#//Bc yes#//Its made worse by the fact that health was already p bad as it was at the time#//Now he’s dealing with abrupt nosebleeds and hallucinations; the odd feeling of smth lurking inside and gnawing at him from within#//It violently fluctuating to worse between him avoiding using and actively using#//Until he had to stop bc it rlly started scaring him; both consequences of it in himself & creatures it accidentally lured close#//only for him to pick it up and pick it up for good when he’s older; esp later on in his time with the knights and ESP when Luc left#//And he just got used to the feelings ever since; rationalizing it as a price to pay for another tool in his arsenal#//Still is daunting to randomly see people around the leylines or suddenly manifest in front of him tho#//Or in worse cases; him abruptly getting a nosebleed or dizzy spell bc he’d been using too much of that ability as of late#//Particularly his little teleportation trick; which he HELLA overuses in Dragonspine especially#//Its not as bad as it used to be; though it still happens when he overclocks himself on the off occasion#//But yeah#//Nothing a good drink can’t help him cope with#//Now that just opens opportunities for cracks ideas jfjfnfn#//Luc lecturing Rosie&/or Kae like Be careful dealing with Abyss creatures. too much exposure to their foul miasma can affect yer health-#//And Kae interrupts with a slurred Me when I overload my body on Abyss & see the souls of the damned#//Luc: the WHAT- / Kae: oh so NOW this isn’t a safe space all of a sudden-#//Rosie; idly contemplating either a double homicide or getting Kae to foot her bill as they proceed to bicker
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