#ooc; sorries for being so on and off i swear to be consistent at SOME POINT

[unluckiestluckystudent]

Are you alive??? How is life going for you? (Asking for ooc) (out of character)

hello!!! fortunately i am alive (for the most part) but life seems to enjoy running me over with a truck, the nagito blog curse truly

jokes aside i am alright!!! went through a breakup like 3 days ago but otherwise i am just trying to. Chill out SHDNFB

- mod lillie

[wtfsapien]

hii!

could you please write fluff for any of the mha teachers it and if any black butler characters?

Midnight chaos

I know I disappeared, completely wiped off the face of earth. So now I’m taking my time to finish writing those asks in my inbox rn. Might take some time to finish but I swear all of you will get yours!

Summary: How they would put GN!Reader to sleep after finding out they have been flipping their sleeping schedule around left and right.

Characters: Aizawa Shota (Bnha), Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler), Ciel Phantomhive (Black Butler)

Warnings: None, I hope I didn't make them too OOC IM SORRY-

Contains: Fluff, crack

Aizawa Shota

This man needs to tell me where he got that sleeping bag cause I need it too-

Since he never has a consistent sleep schedule, he knows the importance of having one

One day of coming home earlier than usual and catching you still awake at the wee hours well into the night, he squinted his eyes and just brushed it off because he knows you're an adult and you can chose to do whatever you want with your time.

But after catching you two more times awake in the middle of the night with the excuse of waiting for him even tho he told you not to

Aizawa decided to take matter into his own hands.

It was quite surprising when your world suddenly flipped over, literally when he carried you over his shoulder like a potato sack.

"Wait where are you going-"

"WE are going to spend some quality time"

And that's how you ended up in Aizawa's arms on the couch

No use trying to get out of his arms cause everytime you do he just shushes you and pet your head, telling you to be quiet like you were some child refusing an afternoon nap.

It's only the matter of time where both of you ended up asleep on the couch, dead asleep.

He better not catch you awake late next time

He'll give you that "I'm not mad, just disappointed' look HAHA-

Sebastian Michaelis

Imagine his surprise when he finds you wandering around the halls like some ghost (even tho he probably sensed you a while ago, he didn't think much as he only thought you were just going to the loo or something-)

The dead fish eyes of yours he was met with certainly told him everything

Tho I'm sure he considered just slapping you into some deep ass slumber, he doesn't as he still considers your well being-

But don't think you're getting away with your excuses

Before you know it, you find yourself on your way back to your bedroom with him

The next thing was him reappearing in your room with some warm milk

You better chug it down or else-

This man devil is not leaving until you have fallen asleep so there's no use in faking it

"I know you're not asleep Y/n."

I dare you to open your eyes, you'll find his face just a few inches away from your own.

But his company soon became a comfort to you as you fell asleep

The next few days will go by him personally supervising you to sleep whether you like it or not. It's good for you after all

"A butler's job is to make sure of everyone's well being." BULLSHIT-

Ciel Phantomhive

I'm honestly surprised he didn't resort to violence cause how much he wish he could have a comfortable sleep without any thoughts, worries nor nightmares (but maybe he'll do it verbally)

"Do you know how essential sleep is for people?"

That's the cue for his nagging

This boy is surprisingly naggy and chatty to the people he truely cares about?

"If you have the time refusing to rest, then might as well help me out with these papers-"

Que you immediately disappearing from his study

Staring at the empty space where you stood just a moment ago, a small genuine smile making its appearance at the edge of his lips

The workaholic edge lord hopes that was enough to scare you to the bed

If it didn't then he has plenty of ways to shove that sleep schedule back into your life again-

[gothsuguru]

hi hi! you can ignore this but i was really curious about your writing process?? you just write so well and i’m curious to see how your work starts from an idea all the way to the finished product!!!

the way my jaw DROPPED rn like omfg are you talking to ME??? I’M SHOOK PLEASE YOU ARE WAY TOO KIND AND SO GENEROUS 😭 my writing sucks ASS but thank you SO much you’re so sweet <333 i can try & let you know my process but tbh baby i do NOT have one 😭 but i’ll try to think of something 😭 also i’ll try to be as thorough/concise as possible but i’m sorry if i tangent! ALSO this’ll be long bc i’m a yapper so forgive me <3

1) everyone is different but in my case i have a tendency to ALWAYS think of new ideas for writing (at least for geto!) find a character that you can consistently think of ideas for bc they’ll serve as practice! also i JUST started writing a month or two ago so i, myself, am STILL practicing with every fic & i am always willing to learn!

most importantly, i write based off my whim! whatever idea has me in its clutches is the idea i’m writing for, even if that means i’m leaving other fic ideas in the dust at the moment! i recommend creating a list of fic ideas and save it as a draft (can be a wip list or literally just a random list depending on how many ideas you have!) — for those i tend to jot down random dialogue, vibes i wanna express, plot points i really wanna show, the personality of geto or reader, & whatever randomly comes to mind pertaining to that fic! i write it all down!

2) it honestly changes between fic to fic but i recommend asking for requests in the beginning — even writing just ONE thing will give you practice/an idea! so here are some examples of what i’ve written so far:

- the first thing i wrote was a request for suguru being obsessed w satoru’s girlfriend. the way i started that fic was thinking of the feeling that suguru would ultimately feel which was “guilt, shame, & desire.” and then i… personified? each thing! at first i personified guilt as an arachnid crawling in suguru’s throat but it didn’t work as well for me… and then i thought, “how about a serpent?” and it flowed much better -> slithering down his throat, embedding his fangs into his flesh leaving it raw, mangled, & bloody -> roaming across his heart/ribcage. and for that, and this may sound silly but i SWEAR by it, look up SYNONYMS for words on google! “dances along his bones -> pirouetting across his bones” i think little nods like that can help you not sound too similar all the time or like you’re constantly repeating yourself! shame was expressed in alcohol (amber whiskey ties into his amber eyes as well) & desire was expressed within the flicker of a lighter reader gave him which he holds in his hands (he imagines the cold metal as reader’s hands, which he ends up holding in his warm ones at the end)

- second fic “black is the color of my true love’s hair” was my first time writing a fic and that was because i wanted to write something for v-day & i really love this song! music can be a great inspiration — same w song lyrics! but for that one i had a few ideas i KNEW i wanted to use (knuckle kisses, stargazing, depressive suguru who reader gives a bath to/has a heart to heart with, and reader making a scrapbook for suguru!) he may be ooc but also i’m not afraid of making suguru be soft and quirky, i think that makes him fun! have FUN w different facets of your favorite characters personalities! also personally, i hate when readers don’t have personality/are always too shy/can’t banter/are too serious so i try to make my readers have a personality that align w the fic!

now for the knuckle kisses i knew what i wanted to do and i think that part came pretty easy! just a bit of revising as i was writing so i could be more descriptive in certain areas, change my wording around so it’d be less clunky in others! stargazing idea was incredibly hard & so was the scrapbook… so here’s advice i have for you that SAVED my ass. now. if you just wrote random writing in your drafts, whether it was just stream of consciousness that has nothing to do with the fic or was just a random piece of dialogue you jotted down — DO NOT DELETE IT. two parts of my fics were from RANDOM writing i wrote that had NOTHING to do w a romance fic and with a BIT of tweaking it gave so many ideas/serviced my story perfectly!

ex: i had zero idea of how to start the stargazing part so i just wrote the part i knew i wanted, which would’ve been in the middle of the story! aka reader buying the star for suguru and him being Shook To The Core. i was wondering how the hell i think of the events leading up to that, and one day i randomly just wrote “you zig-zag around the counter like a bumbling fawn” bc i was brainstorming ideas for the fic but was like… this has no place in my story BUT i didn’t delete it i just kept the draft. THEN i was like… wait this can work… so i used it as my beginning to the stargazing section and it flowed wonderfully! same w the scrapbook section! i wrote a series of dialogue that i ACTUALLY intended to use in an angst where reader despises suguru in their relationship, but with a bit of tweaking and deleting parts of reader being apathetic and suguru being toxic, it ended up being a great series of showing suguru’s overthinking nature/his genuine love for reader!

also maybe i do this unintentionally but i usually have a focus into suguru’s thought processes more in my fics… maybe bc i’m just curious abt him more than anything LMAO so that can be useful i think! if you’re like wow i have no idea how to write for my reader, write for suguru!

- third story was a request (shoutout bestie rem 🤝🤭) who gave such a cool idea of twisted suguru watching reader grieve him for leaving. now it wasn’t an actual haunting bc reader & geto are both alive, but i still used words of that nature to express them haunting e/o’s thoughts (mourning, ghost, corporeal phantom, living rigor-mortis etc…) the first thing i wrote for this fic was “prostrate yourself” — a tie-in to cult leader geto & also his confusing feelings about/towards reader. i also wanted to show bleakness so i mentioned suguru likening himself to a plague & a calamity. also don’t be afraid to show the ugly parts of a character — suguru is a bit callous in this but he’s still human and has a push & pull w/in himself! this fic i really tried my hardest to do a “show not tell” for certain paragraphs (bc i personally have trouble with that/dialogue/imagery/descriptions/engaging writing) — so i would constantly go into my “writing tips” tag and try and heed the advice they give!

sorry i don’t think i was of much help bc honestly i do NOT have a process 😭 even when writing my current fic about curator!geto — i just outlined OOOOOH WAIT OKAY HOLD ON YUP MIDTHOUGHT AND NOW I’M JUST PROPERLY ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION 😭

BITCHXHXHBXBX I FORGOT. OUTLINE!!!!!!! THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THIS WHOLE TIME AND I WAS JUST YAPPING AWAY FOR NO REASON I’M SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY OMFGGGGGGG OKAY SO 😭

curator!geto is the FIRST time i’m PROPERLY outlining a fic (so actually i didn’t do anything wrong pleek don’t beat my ass for yapping 😪) so basically since this is the first time i’m outlining i made sure to write the premise of the fic, characters & their jobs, their personalities, their place of work/interactions/relationships there and then also how they would meet! so i wrote how i wanted suguru & reader to meet, a few pieces of random dialogue, and then i also wrote about how they would later on be more romantic (in what way). i’m currently trying to think of a conflict and just now thought of an idea that i may or may not use but i wrote it down anyways! and this is the first fic where i’m properly paying attention to “show not tell” and trying to describe words/paragraphs with more imagery! (esp since it’s an artsy/visual fic!) tbh the “writing tips” tag on my blog will help you more than anything i can say 😭

also! i recommend looking up writing tips and also reading a bunch of fics that you like! my mutuals have some of the BEST fics i have EVER read and reading them is honestly a masterclass in itself of amazing writing/prose/how to flow a story wonderfully! i’m just a beginner so i have lots to learn still about fic-writing BUT just think of each fic as a stepping stone to getting better! write, post, but don’t overwhelm yourself/force yourself to finish a fic you have no ideas for. it’s okay if it takes time but also remember that it won’t ever be perfect so don’t let “perfectionism” stop you from posting your fics! someone will always read it — whether they rb, like, comment, or are a silent reader — someone will take the time out of their day to read your fic! and honestly don’t get caught up on numbers! i’m soooooo thankful that people read my fics & leave tags even if i think my writing sucks! it’s all in good fun at the end of the day! enjoy it however you can and i’m sure you yourself are an amazing writer! good luck bestie! <3

[thefanficmonster]

Few Too Many

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, In-game violence and death, Suggestive comments

Genre: Protective fluff, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Jealousy is a dangerous thing, especially when the jealous person is armed with a gun....in a game of Counter Strike. At least Y/N’s friend will now know not to mess around and flirt with her, especially not with Corpse around.

Requested by 🐐 Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request but here it finally is! I didn’t want to make it IRL violence to avoid triggering anyone while I also felt it’d be very ooc for Corpse to beat someone up but I still hope you enjoy the fic if you come across it and read it! Love, Vy ❤

“Hey everyone!“ Y/N greets her squad as they all customize their characters while I sit there, observing and unknowing of what I’m supposed to do. “I invited Corpse to play with us today, hope y’all don’t mind.”

“Of course not! Nice to finally meet you, Corpse. We’ve heard a ton about you from Y/N, thanks for making our girl the happiest she’s ever been.“ One of her friends says, the tone of his voice suggesting he’s only half-joking with the dad like comment he made.

“Nice to meet you too, man. Glad I’m the one she gave the chance of making her happy. That’s all I ever wanna do.“ Though it may sound cheesy, as guys, her friends can probably read into how genuinely I mean what I’ve said.

Dating a girl with only guy friends has it’s pros and cons. Which outweigh which is still up for debate since I’m still researching, but so far so good in my opinion. This is the first time I’m interacting with them directly so I’ve still got a long way to go in terms of getting to know them and the details of their relationship with Y/N better. Regardless, I at least know they can easily understand me and put themselves in my shoes if I ever ‘mess things up’ with Y/N and she goes to complain to them - something that will most likely never happen. I’d never dare make this girl upset. Chances are, if I do, her friends won’t get to me on time - I would deliver my own punishment just the way I think I deserve it. However, there’s also the chance of them getting super protective of her and ganging up on me over something as small as a fight. By the many things and stories Y/N’s shared with me about them, I believe they wouldn’t think twice about kicking someone’s ass for her. They’re not massive dudes - I’ve seen pictures of them - but I for one don’t ever wanna see em angry.

“Ay bro, what’d you do to score our best girl? You must know what she likes. If so please, by all means, do tell.“ One of them, not the one who was previously talking, speaks up, his words making me furrow my brows in both confusion and irritation.

I open my mouth to complain as I slowly start cracking my knuckles when Y/N and her friends beat me to it. Thing is, Y/N’s friend group consists of three guys and her and yet four voices scolded the guy that made that suggestive comment. That being said, this guy probably isn’t considered to be one of her friends, at least not one that’s a permanent part of her friend group.

“Seth, cut it out!“ The guy I was previously speaking to says sharply before softening his tone to refer to me, “Sorry about my brother, excuse his lack of brain cells, please.“

Just then, I also receive a message from someone. Checking my phone, turns out it’s Y/N who by the way is currently in the living room while I’m in the recording room. Her text reads:

Y/N ~ Ignore Seth. I told Leo to not invite him but he’s still here somehow

I send her back a quick reassuring text before answering the guy I now know is named Leo, “No worries, it’s fine.”

“See? The guy can take a joke, you’re all just freaking out over nothing!“ Seth laughs, reminding me and the others of how loud he is compared to us.

Despite acting like it’s no big deal, I can’t help but admit to myself that this behavior of Seth’s has awoken a deeply buried suspicion of mine that’s not only mine but also arises in every guy whose girlfriend hangs out with a lot of guys. It’s not that I don’t trust Y/N - she could literally blindfold me and tell me to walk through a pool of lava, promising it wouldn’t hurt and I’d do it - but we all know about that saying that every guy in a group with one girl has liked said girl at least once.

Disturbing to think these four, including Seth five, dudes could’ve possibly been my competition at some point. It’s nice that they’re all super chill about it, mostly cause some of them have girlfriends as I was told.

Nevertheless, we get over that hiccup and carry on with the small talk and preparations for the game. Since it’s my first time playing CSGO, Y/N, Leo and her other friend Clancy explain the mechanics to me in detail to avoid me getting confused mid-game and getting myself killed. When they finish, we start the round and wait for the game’s algorithm to separate us into two teams which Y/N jokingly refers to as cops and robbers. Unfortunately, the end result of that separation ends up being me getting put in the terrorists’ force with Leo and Clancy while Y/N’s with the FBI, partnered with Seth and her other friend Evan.

“Alright, team, we shall now disperse. Corpse, remember, if you see more than one of them, radio in and lay low, we’ll be with you as soon as possible.“ Leo informs me as he runs off in one direction, Clancy going in the opposite. I confirm I understand and go along my way too, heading for this ancient looking structure that looks like it could belong in an old-timey movie. 

Walking in, I realize the place is way bigger than it appeared on the outside. A quick look up confirms that there are three fucking floors above, not to mention that the ground floor is huge. Luckily, there are many crates and barrels to hide behind if I come across an FBI agent. I sure as hell hope it’s Y/N, I could maybe even try talking her into giving me a second chance at life and pretend she never saw me. Come to think of it though, I’d probably prefer getting killed by her rather than her friends - especially Seth.

Given that we’re in a Discord call, I can hear all the conversation going on. They are all quiet though, I can just periodically hear the mumbles of someone muttering to themselves as they navigate the map cautiously out of fear of running into their opponent unprepared. The silence is put to an end though when Seth speaks up, addressing Y/N.

“Yo, your boyfriend’s with the terrorists, ain’t he? That’s like the universe giving you a sign that y’all shouldn’t be together.“ The fucker laughs at his own joke while I can literally hear Y/N rolling her eyes.

“Have you heard of Romeo and Juliet, Seth?“ She asks sarcastically, almost getting a chuckle out of me but I suppress it to avoid getting caught listening in.

“Yeah, they both die at the end. Fucking boooriiinngg.“ Just then, I spot two silhouettes entering the building. Aiming my gun at them reveals their names - just the people I’m currently involuntarily eavesdropping on. Seth and Y/N don’t notice me though so I quickly duck behind a crate and prepare to radio in when Seth continues verbally torturing Y/N and dancing on my last nerves, “I personally think the friends-to-lovers trope is far more interesting...“

Did this guy just- no, he’s gotta be fucking kidding me

I’m left with my jaw hanging in disbelief at this guy’s audacity. I have no doubt Y/N’s about to put him in his place herself but I just gotta have my own chat with this guy. And by ‘chat’ I mean I mindlessly rush out from behind the crate towards where I saw him and Y/N and open fire on him.  I hear his startled and upset screams with Y/N’s laughter in the background. She doesn’t try to stop me as a teammate of his should and would, instead she just observes the scene unfold, laughing her ass off.

“Yo man what the fuck was that for?!“ I hear Seth’s yell but only faintly since the sound of gunshots is still echoing through my headphones. Yeah, I’m not done shooting this fucker.

“Corpse...Corpse, buddy...“ Y/N manages through fits of laughter she cannot tame, “That’s a few too many bullets, he’s already dead.”

“And that was a few too many comments for him to be let off the hook.” I answer as sharply as I can with the new-formed smile on my face. What can I say, her happiness is contagious.

“Well, you got your first kill in CSGO. Good job, babe! I’m super proud of you!” She cheers for me, clapping her hands excitedly. 

“Nah that was my first overkill.“ I quickly add, with a more threatening tone: “And it won’t be my last.”

“Let’s just hope there aren’t few too many of these overkills either.“ She snickers.

“That doesn’t depend on me, babe.“ I say smugly, suggestively enough for Seth to pick up the dropped hint. Mother fucker’s officially been put in his place and I couldn’t possibly be happier - with the added bonus of getting a ton of laughter out of Y/N who also decides to walk away, leaving me unharmed but promising to shoot to kill next time she sees me.

I’m ok with that. She could kill me anyday.

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[nomazee]

Thinking Things Up And Not Thinking It Through

iwaizumi hajime x reader, oikawa tooru & reader friendship 

word count: 2300+

content: oblivious & ooc iwaizumi, pining reader, light swearing, (title is a reference to listerine by dayglow)

(i was thinking ab the first iwazumi/oikawa fic i posted (and the first fic i posted....EVER) and almost cried thinking about it cause its SO BAD and i felt like i needed to atone for my sins so here it is!! 

i wrote this in one day, pretty quickly, and it’s unedited & might not make sense in some parts. regardless, i hope it’s concise enough and that you all enjoy it !!

thank you for the continued support on my work. it really makes me happy to see that people enjoy the things i write. i hope i continue to make you guys happy with my stuff!!

also, as always, here’s a reminder that my requests are open!! feel free to send one in after reading my rules :)

happy reading!!)

☾.:°∗★.:☆:.★∗°:.☽

You and Oikawa were friends. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were friends. You and Iwaizumi, however, were not friends. 

It’s not like you two were sworn enemies. You got along quite well, actually. But you just… weren’t close enough to consider yourselves friends. 

It was really a shame. You were sure you were practically in love with the guy. 

Oikawa knew about this--him and his annoying, prying self figured it out after digging it out of you during a sleepover. He laughed hysterically when he found out and developed the habit of throwing teasing remarks your way whenever Iwaizumi was in both of your presences. 

“How do you manage to like someone who barely talks to you?!” He screeched into your ear that night through bouts of laughter. 

You huffed and slapped his shoulder with as much strength as you could gather in your embarrassed state. “Shut up! Half your fangirls have never had a proper conversation with you yet they’re still in love with you.” 

“Yeah, but that’s me. You’re talking about Iwaizu--”

“Can you shut up?!” 

It was just your luck that Iwaizumi seemed to shut down any advances you made towards him. Not really “shut down,” though--if he outright told you he wasn’t interested then you wouldn’t force that on him. It was more like he was completely oblivious to any moves you made to approach him. It was funny. And disappointing. And hysterical, to Oikawa. 

You knew how well Iwaizumi interacted with his teammates, and from your rare moments of sentiment with Oikawa you learned that Iwaizumi was no stranger to adjusting to the needs of his teammates and friends. 

Good to know that you were in neither of those categories. 

You put yourself out there for him more than you normally would, greeting him every morning, starting conversations, even going as far to invite him to outings in an attempt to just get to know the guy, for fuck’s sake. 

“There’s this really nice diner a few blocks down from my house. It’s family-owned and the food there’s really good. Do you maybe want to go there someday?” 

Iwaizumi blinked, looking up from his lunch tray. Oikawa had left one point to “go to the bathroom” (you’d told him of your plan to ask the ace out, and he was supportive enough to give you a window of time to do that without you friend’s presence making you nervous), leaving both of you alone as you grasped at loose threads to try and start a conversation. 

“With Oikawa?” 

“...with me.” 

“....and Oikawa?” 

Oh. Cool. So he just wasn’t comfortable with you in the slightest. Good to know. 

“Yeah. Sure.” 

You had to sit through the humiliation of explaining to Oikawa that it absolutely did not go as planned. He treated you to dango after laughing hysterically. 

You didn’t want to stoop as low as asking Oikawa to interrogate Iwaizumi about his opinion on before, but you were really starting to consider it. 

You figured maybe a gift would be easier than that. This revelation led to you sobbing in your kitchen while on facetime with Tooru as you tried to figure out why the dough for your melonpan had the consistency of thick oatmeal and glopped along your kitchen counter whenever you tried to pick it up. (Yet again, the brunette setter went out of his way to buy another small gift of condolence the next morning after being absolutely no help to you the night before.)

You eventually managed to turn out a few decent looking (and decent tasting) buns, packaging them neatly in paper bags to give to Iwaizumi the next morning. 

Iwaizumi blinked at you, then at the bag you forced into his hands without a word. “...what is this?” 

“Melonpan.” 

“...oh. Thank… you?” 

He didn’t even look into the bag. Didn’t say anything else after that. You stood in your place, expectant for some other response but knowing that, realistically, you wouldn’t be getting one. 

“I hope you like it.” And with that, you spun on your heel, stumbled, and walked away with an awkward awareness of how you were stepping. 

During lunch, Oikawa and you sat separate from his friend, making up some excuse that you two had to review something from class and sneaking away to discuss your next step. Tooru was enthusiastic about this whole thing. You were not. 

“He ate the melonpan, you know,” your friend remarked, taking a sip of canned juice before continuing. “I caught him before I went to class. He seemed to like it.” 

“Oh. Good to know it didn’t taste like shit.” 

“Hopefully it doesn’t give him food poisoning.” 

“Will you--!” Oikawa burst into peals of laughter, body bending at the waist in a show of just how amusing this was to him. You huffed. 

“This is, like, the dumbest thing ever. I’ve done so many things--”

“Like, two things--” 

“--to try and drop a hint, any hint, and he just acts like an oblivious dumbass and ignores everything I throw his way. It’s stupid! He doesn’t even talk to me! How does he put up with you all the time yet when it comes to me he can’t even look me in the eyes?!” 

Oikawa’s laughter quelled as he listened to you ramble momentarily. When you fell silent, he looked up at you and gasped at the sight of your eyes brimming with tears. 

“Hey, [Y/N]--” 

“No! It’s fine! I’m sorry, I’m just dumb and emotional and I’m not actually that upset,” that was doubtful, “but maybe I’m just… not a fun person? Not as fun as I thought I was. Not fun enough for a guy like Iwaizumi to be around.” 

Tooru was silent. He was no stranger to your comedy-induced mood swings but this seemed to be serious. This whole Iwaizumi thing was making you doubt your ability to make friends and it made the brunette’s heart hurt to see you in this state. 

“Hey,” he approached, tone uncharacteristically gentle, “you got me to be your friend. And that’s saying a lot. People like me, sure, but I don’t like a lot of people as much as I like you.” 

Your breaths slowed down. Oikawa snapped back into character. 

“As a friend, obviously. I don’t think I could handle the emotional experience of having to date you.” 

“Asshole!” 

“Love you!” 

You both laughed in the comfortable quiet before Oikawa spoke up again. 

“I don't think it’s that he doesn’t like you. Maybe he’s scared of you.” You furrowed your eyebrows incredulously. 

“How can I be scary to anyone?” 

“Well… scared in the sense that, he’s never really had girls approach him.” 

That was a shocker. Iwaizumi was a looker--a fact no one could deny. And while, yeah, maybe he’s tough-guy disposition made him a little unapproachable, you were still surprised that it wasn’t at least a little common for girls to approach him. 

“Has he ever, like… said anything about me?” 

Oikawa thought for a bit, chewing on a piece of milk bread he’d torn off. “No, not really. When I mention stuff about you, he listens but doesn’t really comment. He gets kind of quiet, really.” 

You hummed. Maybe Oikawa was right about that scared-of-girls thing. You were prepared to go through another set of trials to get this boy to warm up to you at least a little bit. 

A week later, Tooru got sick. You lectured him over the phone about how irresponsible he was with his health before simmering into a soft demeanor and promising to make him soup when you got home. (“Aww, so sweet of you, [Y/N]! It almost feels like I’m your boyfriend, not Iwaizumi.” You screamed at him for that one and threatened to take soup privileges away.) 

At the end of the day (which dragged on longer than usual due to your friend’s lack of presence), you stood under the awning, watching the downpour from beyond the protection the roof gave you. You never picked up the habit of checking the weather forecast, which proved to be your downfall many times. This being one of them. 

You sighed. You couldn’t wait out the rain. It looked like it would probably go on for a while, and you needed to get home to make food for Tooru and finish your homework. Sighing again, you prepared yourself (emotionally more than physically) to run through the rain like a madman. 

Footsteps sounded from behind you. Instinctively, you looked for the source, surprised to see Iwaizumi blinking owlishly at your lone form. 

You looked at his hand. He was holding an umbrella. 

You repressed a smile. Maybe today was actually your lucky day--you’d ask Iwaizumi to walk you home, letting you stay dry while also getting closer to the boy, for once. 

“Hey.” You greeted him. He gave a small smile and nodded back, walking up to be level with you. 

You both stood in silence for a bit, watching cars pass through wet asphalt and kick up puddles. 

You turned to him, mouth parting open to ask if he wanted to walk home together--

“Have a good day, [L/N].” With that, he walked out from under the awning and made his way home. 

Your mouth remained agape, looking at his retreating form with a mix of emotions--frustration, embarrassment, confusion. 

Minutes passed. With a sigh, you realized you didn’t have much of a choice. You took your blazer off, holding it above your head, and ran into the street. 

You got home. Made soup and suppressed shivers from the remaining cold of rain sticking to your skin. Walked to Tooru’s house (with an umbrella this time), relayed what happened to him, and tolerated his hoarse giggles once again. 

Tooru got better quite quickly, and you were lucky enough to not get sick despite sprinting through the rain and spending your evening in the presence of a sick person. 

You felt a sense of deja vu during lunch when Oikawa stood up and excused himself to the bathroom, sending a wink in your direction that made you flush in embarrassment and panic. You certainly hadn’t discussed any future plans with him. Why was he leaving you alone like this?!

Iwaizumi folded hands on top of the lunch table, playing with his fingers absentmindedly as a way to occupy himself. His lunch had been finished a while ago, leaving him with only his hands to fiddle with as he pointedly avoided your gaze and the prospect of interacting with you. You frowned a bit at the action. 

“So…” You were surprised to hear him speak first, but perked up immediately to listen to him. “You and Oikawa…?” 

He didn’t elaborate any further. You stayed quiet, brows knitting together in confusion. Iwaizumi sighed. 

“You guys are a thing.” You choked at how forward he was with his statement, coughing a few times to clear up the invisible ball in your throat. “It’s… that’s cool. You guys are cute. You go together well, and stuff.” 

Oh my God. Oh my…? What?! He could not be this oblivious. He could not be this blind-- You were speechless at the words that were coming out of his mouth. 

“What the fuck.” You hadn’t even noticed the words coming out of your mouth until you saw Iwaizumi’s eyes widen at you. “I-- Sorry-- Tooru and I… are not dating…?” 

It was Iwaizumi’s turn to be confused, apparently. “What? But you guys are so close, and… you’re always around each other, and stuff. And he talks about you sometimes. So I figured, y’know--” 

“Absolutely not.” Your words were choked out between dry laughs, eyes darting left and right as you tried to gain a sense of reality again. “I would never in my life date that boy. Never. No. And don’t you think if he had a girlfriend, he’d tell you? Right off the bat? He’s no stranger to inflating his ego by bragging. How the hell did you even draw that conclusion?!” 

“Well, it’s not my fault! You two are always hanging off each other, who wouldn’t assume there was something going on between you two?!” 

“Who would?!” 

“Me, apparently! Which was stupid, ‘cause for the last six months I’ve been trying to avoid you because I thought you were off-limits and I didn’t want to get my ass beat by Oikawa--” 

“Off-limits?” 

“Well, yeah! Like, for dating.” The both of you quieted down, the silence of your table a great contrast to the petty scuffle you’d just been having. Neither of you dared to look at each other. Neither of you dared to speak. 

Oikawa came back after a few minutes, noticing the tension in the air and becoming too nervous to say anything. When he asked you about it as you left the cafeteria, you muttered harshly under your breath, “Just so you know, I would never in my life date you. Ever.” 

He only laughed, concern still evident in his features but simmering down the slightest bit after realizing you were well enough to joke around. 

Before you could enter through the doorway of your classroom with Tooru, a hand grabbed your forearm harshly, shoving you off balance at the unexpected force. 

You turned around to view your captor, freezing at the sight of Iwaizumi Hajime, in all his glory, panting as if he’d just chased after you. (Which he probably did, let’s be honest.) 

“Um,” his seemingly confident demeanor collapsed in your presence and his eyes left yours to find interest in the floor. “Friday. Let’s go to that diner, the one near your house that you wanted to go to. At noon, if that’s okay with you.” 

You paused. He remembered the diner. A smile slowly found its way onto your face and you laughed a little bit. Iwaizumi’s eyes flicked back up at yours, trying to get a read on your reaction before you could properly give a response. 

“Yeah. That sounds good. And no Oikawa.” 

“God, no Oikawa.”

[zodiyack]

The Artist Behind His Heart

Requested by @morganofthecoves1: Hi! Can I request a Roman Sionis x plus size reader oneshot, if your ok with it. I had the idea that the reader is the one who created most of the art Roman owns. He takes her out for meals and invites her around to 'talk' about art but really he actually likes her. The reader is insecure so she doesn't realise that he flirts with her but she is also wary of him because she's heard rumours about him (AKA he kills people). Thanks!

Pairing: Roman Sionis x Plus sized!Female!Artist!Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, mention of the peeling of faces (it’s Roman guys), swearing, fluff, slight accidental ooc Roman(?), not proofreading

Note: I apologize if this is sucky, again, I ran into a bit of a block. I hope you like it apart from that! And I’m so sorry this took a bit! I’ve been busy and had some more tough writer’s block, but I’m pushing past it! Again, I’m sorry if this is eh

taglist: @stardancerluv @matth1w​ @redspaceace​

masterlist

Roman checked the clock before heading out, fixing his hair and breathing heavily. He breathed into his hand, then popped in a mint. Sionis, sprucing up? It’s a normal sight, but not as normal as him being nervous as he did so. Like a teen boy going to pick up his first date, he was a bit panicky.

Y/n was the woman who did his artwork for him, most of it at least. She was a cute lady, one that Roman had the feels for. He often enjoyed going and eating with her, preferably in places that didn’t know him all too well. He wanted to avoid scaring the girl away, wanted desperately for this to last, and possibly, evolve into something more.

The driver followed his directions, taking him to some random restaurant Victor recommended. There she sat, waiting by the door, sketchbook in hand. He found himself smiling, her state of distraction allowing him to look over her features without being weird. He admired her, her body, her art, and with his eyes- he admired every bit of her every time they met up.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have the guts to ask her out quite yet. Roman was known for peeling the face free from whomever it was that wronged him. Or just lose his temper so bad they had to do it in the end. He wouldn’t be able to take it if Y/n rejected him, so he couldn’t take the chance.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t just demand it of her, it was because he didn’t want to. He always got everything he wanted. Y/n was a bit shy, and was frequently confused by his flirting. Maybe, for once, Roman could get something on his own? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought, Roman was determined.

“Hello, darling.”

Her head shot up, her eyes were the size of saucers. “Hello! I’m sorry if I’m in the way.”

“Don’t fear, dearest, you’re nowhere near in the way. Come, I hate to prevent you from eating any longer.” He walked over to the door and held it open for her, smiling genuinely as she walked past him into the building.

Roman spoke to the waiter, asking for a seat in the spot Y/n liked most, wanting to make her happy. The waiter led them to their seats and handed them menus. “What will you be having, my dear?”

“Uhm... probably the f/f, please.” She smiled shyly and looked down, returning to her sketchbook while she waited for Roman to order.

“So, Y/n, any new projects for me?”

“Actually, yes! I was thinking, perhaps a portrait of you and Mr. Zsasz? Or maybe a new sculpture? You said last time that you wanted more, but you didn’t specify what you wanted more of, so I drew whatever came to my mind.”

She flipped her sketchbook around and let him look through it, nibbling on her lip with anticipation. Roman took his time on each page, not even bothering to hide the smile that grew on his lips. Once he had finished looking through it, he handed it back to her.

“Shit, those are nice!” Y/n thanked him and went back to her sketchbook. An idea popped into his head after the silence took over. “Y/n?”

“Yes?”

“May I ask, are you seeing someone?”

She blushed and looked away, “No.”

“No? Why would a beautiful woman like you be all alone?” He chuckled for a second, “Then again, no one deserves your beauty and talent.”

“Mr. Sionis-”

“Please, call me Roman.”

“Roman, I don’t understand.”

He folded his hands an reclined in his seat. “Don’t understand what?”

Before she could answer, the food was delivered. Roman almost snapped at the waiter for interrupting Y/n, but remembered the exact reason that he Victor chose the place. He wanted to prevent Y/n from seeing the side of him he thought she was most likely to fear, and his emotions were no exception. It took everything, literally everything, in him not to yell. But Y/n was worth it.

“This is good...” Y/n mumbled after a bit. Their food was almost finished and Roman had yet to talk to her about his feelings. “So...what other projects would you like me to work on?”

“Why would I need you to work on anything when there’s already a work of art right in front of me?”

She looked around, still oblivious to his advances. “I guess. This places has some cool works... I should ask who their artist is, maybe I could get some advice from them, ya know?”

Roman sighed. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting his hints. They were becoming more and more obvious too. “Sure. Uh, Y/n, have I ever told you how extraordinary you are?”

“Every time, Mr-” she corrected herself before she could say his last name, “Roman. I just don’t know why you do.”

“Because it’s true. Just like when I say how beautiful you are. I’m an honest man, Y/n.”

“I- I never said you weren’t- my apologies, Roman.”

He frowned. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for, it’s me actually. I can see now that you aren’t interested, yet I keep fucking pushing it. I’m sorry, Y/n.”

She stopped, completely caught off guard by his sentence. “Excuse me?” Her tone probably came of the wrong way, as Roman looked hurt. “No! I mean, no, I didn’t mean it that way...”

The waiter came by to give them a check, then took it back after Roman filled everything out with visible annoyance towards the interruption. The boy turned and left as quickly as he cold.

“Well what way did you mean it then?” He could feel his patience growing thinner, with himself and Y/n.

“I was just curious- you said that I’m not interested? Interested in what?”

Relief. Maybe he did have a chance after all. “I’ve been flirting, Y/n. You don’t react the way I thought you would, so, after a while, I thought you weren’t interested.”

“What?”

“Flirting? The thing you do when you’re romantically interested in someone?”

She rolled her eyes with a small smirk, “I know what flirting is. I’m just... confused. Why you... would flirt... with me.”

“Who wouldn’t flirt with you? You’re fucking breathtaking!” Roman spoke as if her not knowing her own beauty was a personal offense to him. And honestly, he felt it was. “Here, how about this, you let me take you on an actual date, no art, no business, just romance?”

Y/n averted her gaze to think. There were pros and cons to being with Roman Sionis, one major con was the rumors of things he did. Would she want to get involved with that kind of life? Would he force her to get involved?

Then again, Roman was kind to her, saw past her exterior and into her heart. There isn’t that many kind of people in Gotham, especially as many as handsome as Roman.

‘If anything bad happens, I still had my rights of backing out,’ she told herself.

“Y/n?”

“Alright. It’s a date...” He helped her pack up her art supplies, and held the door for her as they exited the restaurant. “But Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Why, exactly, are you asking me out?” It still bothered her. Was he using her as a dare? Was he just using her for her work? He was Roman fucking Sionis, he could do anything he wanted, yet he could use her without her even knowing it.

His smile dropped and his brows raised. “Why?” Roman chuckled loudly. Y/n was thankful they were outside and not in the crowded place anymore. “Look at you! You’re talented, kind, smart, funny! All of you is gorgeous! I’ve been dying to ask you out for a while!”

“You have?”

“Well... yes. Wasn’t it obvious? The consistent flirting and offers?”

Although Y/n hid the blush on her face by looking down, Roman cupped her cheek softly and tilted her head upwards to look at him. They held eye contact for what felt like forever, their orbs were studying each other so intensely, before he finally leaned in and touched his lips to hers.

Y/n was taken aback with shock, but quickly recollected herself and wrapped her arms around his neck. When they separated, Y/n giggled shyly, the blush on her face had spread.

“Don’t hide..you’re beautiful, angel. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, at 7, deal?”

She nodded eagerly. “Deal.”

[chick-from-nz]

Paper, Scissors, Rank (Ch: 3)

CHARACTER/PAIRING: Modern!Carrillo x Army!OC (eventually) 

WARNINGS: maybe some swearing, military slang, spelling and grammatical errors. Could be very OOC/AU for some. Carrillo might not be cannon accurate for some as this is an AU. Flippy, floppy point of views (if it can be called that?), some oc x Army!oc 

AUTHORS NOTE:  hopefully y'all enjoy this chapter, sorry for the high amount of OC on OC content in this chapter, also i was writing this late at night so its probably a lil disjointed, but ah, yeah you’ll see why soon. More of the Colonel is this chapter, finally, but yeah. enjoy!

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

CHAPTER: 3 OF ?

TAG LIST (OPEN) : @girlpornparadise @1zashreena1 @xxidontwikeitxx @nicke0115 @allalngthewtchtower @lettherebrelight

It seemed wishful thinking really did not pay off for Cadet Greyson, the next two days of training went by without so much of a sighting of the Colonel, who at this point, was still nameless to her and her fellow cadets. Maybe he hadn't seen someone worth his while within the current platoon and had instead decided to leave for the main base to find a more adequate soldier. Greyson dismissed that thought as quickly as it came. Surely he would want a fresh little soldier to mold into his perfect team member, why else would he be sniffing round the training grounds if not for that reason. But as it seemed, no one other than herself had seen the Colonel around. So maybe he was really just a figment of her imagination then.

Pffft, as if, you can’t make THAT man up. He is pure sin of the utmost devine kind  Greyson giggled quietly to herself. She had definitely gone mad from the deathly amount of exhaustion they had faced since the assessment day.  That or maybe I hit my head when I fell from that stupid wall.  Again she giggled to herself. Nope , definitely gone mad.

Another thing that struck her as odd was that she hadn’t seen  LT. Colonel Sinclair since their less than professional interactions two days ago. Hopefully he finally came to his senses and decided she wasn't worth the effort and that her rank was far below anything worthy of his attention. For some reason though, that thought struck a cord inside of her, one that frightened her. She was in over her head with this guy, way over her head and rank. Even if he was drop dead gorgeous.  Definitely not as attractive as a certain handsome Colonel.  A little inside voice reminded her. God, that was the last thing she needed, falling for a guy with an even higher rank, if she wasn’t frowned upon already she definitely would be then.

Shaking the idea from her mind, she stood up and continued packing up her kit. The company was to head back to the training base today. A welcome thought for all the recruits within the area. The thought of sleeping on a bed that wasn’t below zero temperature to the touch and fully functioning warm showers seemed to be pushing them to move faster and more fluidly as a team than ever before. There is never a more motivated team than a team that has a single goal in common . Sometimes she hated her father but she never knew that saying to be more true than it was now.

It took the recruits approximately thirty minutes to have the campsite return to the pristine state it was before they laid camp only four days earlier, despite the fact said week had felt like a month long mission.  Despite all the recruits being overworked and their patience stretched thin with each other, all of the thirty recruits had passed their final assessment week, which would mean all of them would graduate together. An accomplishment for all and a first for a company of this size.  Yet, it was obvious from an outsider looking in, that this company was definitely not a team of thirty like they should be. The distinct scores between the top three recruits and the rest had seemingly made the company into two teams. The twenty seven cadets who had done enough to pass, and the three cadets who had excelled beyond all expectations in every single area of the training. The elite cadets of the company some might say.

The next few hours flew by for the cadets, a long bus ride back to base, stowing away their kit and polishing boots to get their rig from exercise standard back  to office standard. Rumors' had been passed around that tonight there was to be a big meeting for the cadets to attend. There was a palpable excitement coursing through the mess as everyone tried to guess what the meeting was about, many speculated that they would be introduced to the Colonel, while others thought it was a congratulations for completing their assessment week. Although, it was safe to say, that many of the recruits were hoping for the former of the two, and maybe if that happened one of them would be formally offered a spot on the Colonel’s intel squad.

Without even knowing the name of the Colonel there was already a bet running between the female cadets about the attractiveness of the foreign officer. Some girls bet that he was going old and undesirable due to his rank,  while others bet he was a “young stud”. Greyson had kept her thoughts to herself but would often scoff at the descriptions the girls came up with, not one of them was even getting close to what the Colonel looked like, which instilled a strange sense of pride within the cadet. But also a high level of confusion as not a single recruit in the platoon had ever mentioned seeing an unknown officer with the instructors a mere two days ago.

As the evening progressed the recruits waited for an announcement to be made over the speakers for them to move to the scran hall or into the common area for the meeting. By eight o’clock the recruits finally heard the speakers crack to live, waking most of them from an evening of well deserved rest. The recruits followed the instructions given to them and made haste towards the common area a short march away from their barracks. Upon arriving, dismissing and gathering in the space many recruits seemed to deflate at the lack of an unfamiliar face.

“Good evening cadets, as you know there is a Columbian Colonel on base observing the ins and outs of some squadrons so he can choose a select few members from different corps so join his intelligence team. Over the past week he was in and out of the training grounds observing most of you knowing. By the end of your longest day he had made a tough decision between two of the cadets sitting in this room, along with choosing your squadron leader, Lieutenant O’Connor here to be a part of his squad. In saying that, the colonel is yet to inform us of which cadet sitting in this room is the lucky new member of his squad. I shall take it upon myself, as the commander of the unit, to inform you as soon as I know” LT. Colonel Sinclair’s speech seemed to drone on for most of the cadets in the room. They were tired, beyond so, and were just wishing he would allow them to leave as soon as possible, but as it seemed, he wasn’t finished yet.

“I will be taking time this coming week to pull each of you into my office to discuss your future in the force and what corps you are now eligible to join due to your overall scores gained from the past twenty weeks of your training. Once you have all been assigned to a core you shall receive your patches and berets and be formally welcomed into your chosen field before you graduate. The last week of training will consist of core introductions and briefs and finalization of drill before your graduation day. I will offer you all a very big congratulations for making it through training and wish you all the best for your futures in the force. You are dismissed”

At the dismissal most of the cadets all but jumped from their chairs, having been given no more orders for the night it was to be a peaceful night ahead. And many of them would be heading straight to the barracks for sleep.  Greyson began to make her way from the room following slightly behind her fellow classmates only to be stopped by the LT. Colonel calling out to her. Stopping abruptly at the order she turned around and walked back towards him, the whole time wondering if this was gonna be another one of his ‘teasing moments’.

“Sir, not to overstep but I would like to get back to the barracks and back to my pit before I drop on my feet” Greyson said kindly to make it very clear to the LT. Colonel in front of her that she was suggesting and definitely not ordering him around, that was the last thing she wanted to do.

“This will only take a moment Greyson, I assure you that...” the LT Colonel trailed off, waiting for his subordinate to acknowledge, before continuing on, “I wanted to congratulate you personally on you achievements over the cadets course, you have set multiple records with the scores you have obtained and I wanted to let you know that you are the top recruit from your intake”

Shifting on her feet awkwardly Greyson nodded in thanks, silently acknowledging her own achievements and also trying to stay awake for the conversation. The LT. Colonel took a step closer to her, again entirely to close from a professional standpoint, and placed his hand on her shoulder, steady and firm, making her whole body tense up at the initial contact before she subtly, or so she thought, relaxed far too much under his touch. She had, after all, had no contact from anyone since joining the army, as was protocol, but it had left her touch starved, and in her tired state, far too ready to throw rank out the window and do something that broke far too many rules.

The LT. Colonel noticed the way she relaxed under his touch and decided to push the boundary a little further bringing the cadet in front of him into a tight hug, to which she returned all too eagerly. While absorbed in each other's embrace they failed to notice one of the other cadets, Cadet Lewis, watching from the door. Lewis was Greyson’s roommate and had stayed behind when she noticed she wasn’t behind her like she should have been.

Greyson sank into the embrace, although knowing that this was highly against almost all rules put in place she couldn’t bring herself to care. Yes he was her commanding officer, and yes she was but a lowly cadet, but in that moment wrapped within his strong arms and snuggled closely into her chest, she had never felt more relaxed. She let out one long shaky breath, one that he definitely felt, and pulled away from him. She needed to keep the relationship professional till she graduated, and probably even after then, god knows her father wouldn't want her to disgrace his name.

As she pulled away from his warm embrace she dared a glance up, there was a look of what almost seemed like longing and affection in the eyes of the man before her, and a look of want, the emotions she found in his intense brown eyes made her shiver. She watched as his eyes glanced down towards her lips, then slowly back up to her eyes as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Shamefully her own eyes were then transfixed on his mouth, and for a small moment, she pushed the thoughts of rank out the window as his head dipped down and his lips captured hers in a bruising kiss. The shock that came from the kiss had her gasping into his mouth, giving him the perfect opportunity to tangle his tongue with hers, she felt his hands start to wander down her back, and further still to her ass. The shock of this seemed to finally bring her to her sense, cause not a second later she was pushing him away and taking a few steps back for good measure.

Standing there staring at the LT Colonel, chest heaving in time with his, sheer horror overcame her sense. What had she just done? Wiping a hand down her face to clear her thoughts she knew she needed to end this before it started, even if the kiss was better than nay she had had.

“Sir, I..” Greyson trailed off, she was struggling to find the right words for the situation, she didn’t want to reject him in a harsh way, or reject him at all if she was being totally honest with herself, but she knew this was the only thing that would save her career from being a shit-fight. “I’m sorry Sir, I can’t do this, I’m sorry” and with those final words she dismissed herself and promptly left the room for the safety of her barracks. In her rush to get away from an awkward moment, she failed to notice the  LT. Colonel’s face fell and the way he had to refrain himself from reaching out to touch her.

Breathing heavily and overcome with emotion, Cadet Greyson finally made it back to her barracks, a room she shared with but one other cadet, the luxury of being an officer in training. To her shock her roommate, Cadet Lewis, was still awake, and by the looks of it, she had been waiting for her to get back.

“So, you're fucking the LT Colonel right? That's how you've made it to the top of the points board” Cadet Lewis hissed at her

“I... what the fuck are you talking about Lewis, I earnt my place on that board by beating the rest of you lazy fucks in the events fair and square. And what the fuck do you mean, fucking the LT. Colonel, what gives you that idea?!” In her already distressed state Greyson was finding it hard to process the accusation thrown at her by the cadet in front of her.

“Oh fuck off Greyson, don’t play dumb with me. All the cadets see the way he looks at you and how he treats you differently from the rest of us! And don't act like you weren’t just smooching up to him in the common room, I saw it all”

Greyson felt sick to her stomach, if Lewis had seen it all she could have just lost the right to be here if she decided to run her mouth. She forced herself to turn around before muttering, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Lewis”

Lewis just scoffed, “yeah right, what you think you are exempt from the rules because your daddy was in the force too? Fuck right off Greyson, you’ve got another thing coming if you think you’re gonna get away with this”

Greyson felt her stomach flip, god, the stupid cadet behind her really just pulled that card. She knew she came from an army background but she definitely was not sleeping her way to the top, no matter what the other cadets thought. But at the mention of her father, the sickness turned to anger and she rounded on Cadet Lewis, giving her the harshest glare she could muster, lips curled up in a snarl and a finger pointed in the direction of the other recruit she growled out, “You bring my fucking father into the mess that you’ve made up in that thick skull of yours and I’ll use my name to my advantage. I’m sure your family would love you to return home with Dishonorable discharge plastered all over your report, wouldn’t they?”

Greyson had to to hold back her smirk when she noticed the way the other cadet clammed up and how her face fell. Yeah that's right, bring my father into this and I’ll use it to my advantage you useless trash. And without so much as another word Greyson walked out of the room, slamming the door to their room for emphasis. She was sure almost all the recruits in the block had heard what had just transpired but she honestly couldn’t care less. She made her way out of the barracks building and towards the gym, she needed to get the tension out of her muscles and a workout would be the easiest outlet.

In her haste and far too deep within her own thoughts, Greyson failed to lift her head to see where she was going, and as she rounded the final corner that led to the gym she came to an abrupt halt, slamming into a wall, or at least that's what it felt like. It wasn't until a pair of strong hands moved to steady her did she realize she hadn’t in fact run into a wall at all, just the widest chest she’d ever felt the pleasure of being this close too. She presumed it was one of the infantry boys, they were usually in the gym this late so it would make sense. Except, as far as she knew, none of the boys had the last name  Carrillo.

[mrsgreenworld]

Sen Çal Kapımı Episode 16 aka Mistrust Is In the Air

Last week brought us another light and funny but, unfortunately, also a filler episode. Actually, for me, it turned out to be one of the most conflicting ones. I absolutely loved it while I was watching it live. I guess it's because the Haunting of Bly Manor / the Haunting of Hill House pulled out all of my insides and then ripped them to shreds so watching SCK was such a reprieve. This episode was even funnier and lighter than episode 15 which still had some lingering angst. I can declare episode 16 almost completely angst-free.

After having rewatched the episode with the subs I've got a feeling that the writers are trying to mess with some of my favourite characters and dynamics. I don't appreciate it. Still love the show, the cast, the characters. Just didn't enjoy certain writing decisions in this episode. Let's get down to it.

Now I'm going to break my habit and start with the one thing I hated:

❌☣️❌ Eda and Ceren: what the hell was that scene in the office when Eda spotted Ceren and Ferit talking and then tried to... do what exactly? warn Ceren? give some constructive relationship advice? support her?🤔

the first and the main problem I had with the scene was the energy - I don't know what caused it but it lacked the love and warmth that had always been there between all the girls; no matter what happened - even in that shitty situation with Kaan and when Ceren was the first to find out about the contract or even when Fifi and Melo finally learned about it - there was true girl power, they didn't allow anything or anyone mess up their friendship, they supported each other, tried not to judge and be understanding; so for me to see Eda so cold and kinda detached towards Ceren was a shock; maybe it would have been ok in a conversation with Pırıl or Selin since they're not friends but given that Eda was talking to one of her closest friends the way she spoke with Ceren was just wrong; moreover, Eda came off downright condescending; that's why Ceren's reaction was understandable in a way; I liked how she called Eda out on her lack of support;

if you think that your friend is making a huge mistake it's ok to show concern, it's ok to even say "hey, what the hell are you doing?" but you have to do this with love, you have to make sure that your friend knows - even if they mess up you will be there not with "I told you so" but with silent support; I didn't see that kind of love from Eda;

and while (as I have already mentioned) I partially understand and support Ceren's reaction I think it was a bit too aggressive;

and the way they parted with *itch faces just left a horrible aftertaste in my mouth 🤢 - THE *UCK THE WRITERS ARE DOING MESSING UP WITH MY GANG LIKE THAT???

The things I didn't like / was annoyed with:

❎ Selin: what's her problem with Ceren? have I missed something and Ceren stole her man?👀🤔 nope, don't recall anything like that happening;

Selin's channelling the kind of behaviour I really hate - she didn't give a shit about Ferit when they were together, was ready to dump him at the snap of Serkan's fingers and now when they're not together she's behaving as if Ferit has no right to even as much as talk to another woman; what's even more infuriating is that it's not jealousy because it would require having some sort of feelings and there are none on Selin's side; which brings us back to her ego and unbelievably self-centred persona;

her mistrust in Ceren as a lawyer also seems to stem from a personal dislike and Ceren's interactions with Ferit (at least it looks like that to me);

all in all this tension between Selin and Ceren is messing with the female dynamics because it's brought something the writers managed to avoid in the past - women being petty and bitchy towards each other;

❎ Efe: man, if he was just shady in the past, in this episode he was freaking snaky 🐍👀;

I understand that Serkan's attitude is unpleasant to say the least and there were moments when he was downright rude but in his case it's not being rude for the sake of rudeness; I think Serkan has excellent gut feeling; he didn't trust Efe even for a second from the very first meeting and his rudeness stems from this mistrust; Serkan is not a type of a person who's going to pretend to like someone for the sake of appearances, hypocrisy is not in his nature (which is one of the things I admire about our precious Scanner 😍❤️);

but back to Efe - yes, Serkan's not making it easy for him but he was like that from the very beginning and Efe seemed so nice, so friendly, so open to this partnership; all smiles and down-to-earth attitude; so what happened to his face in this episode? Serkan spat into his coffee?🙈😆🤣

I mean, really, have I imagined it or there was barely contained irritation and something even darker on his face?👀🤔 there was a small moment when he was moving a chair with a little bit more force than necessary 😬

I also don't like him getting so close to Eda; I still don't see anything romantic there but rather his malicious forethought is becoming more obvious;

also - was I the only one to think that a black rose he talked about with Eda was symbolic? here's what I have found about black roses:

"In the language of flowers, roses have many different meanings, with black roses specifically symbolizing ideas such as hatred, death, and despair"👀😳😱

ok, I am not calling him a Horseman of the Apocalypse quite yet but damn, he's gonna bring chaos, I am sure 😱😳😬

❎ Engin and Serkan: okay, these two dummies deserve the titles of the worst boyfriend and male friend respectively🤦

honestly, Engin forgetting about Pırıl's birthday shows him as careless and superficial; a man who claims to have been in love with Pırıl for years and who's also been friends with her for so long would have remembered such a small fact unless he's got a serious head trauma🧠🔨

as for Serkan, a character whose certain qualities have been constructed with remarkable consistency, forgetting about Pırıl's birthday is just ridiculous, unbelievable and completely OOC; sorry but that's just lazy writing🤷

it could have been avoided with just one line: "Yeah, it's Pırıl's birthday. I had Leyla send her flowers in the morning" - BOOM! that's it!

❎ Edser: yeah, I know, it's unprecedented for my babes to make it into this section 😬 but there were certain things I didn't quite enjoy;

1 - while the office scene where Serkan asked Eda whether or not she had accepted Efe's offer was humourous and funny it was also painfully immature; that's a conversation between two pre-schoolers not a conversation between two adults;

2 - Eda's conversation with Leyla where Eda asked about Selin; I smelled some jealousy and, honestly, I think it was completely out of nowhere; and Serkan's reactions to them talking also seemed kinda weird because he normally looks like that when Efe is around Eda; jealous of Leyla now?👀😆🙈

3 - karaoke bar scenes; Serkan's appearance was also kinda out of nowhere; since he was adamant about not going it would have been nice to see what had changed his mind; didn't like him telling Eda something along the lines of "we're broken up but I don't want to see you with Efe" - it's the type of "I wanna eat a cake and have it too" attitude that I cannot stand; I understand that it's hard for Serkan but he's made a decision, he's made this bed so to speak, now he has to sleep in it; moreover, discussing this with a clearly tipsy Eda - not a very smart idea;

a dance scene - while romantic and all it lacked logic and seemed a little bit like Serkan was taking advantage of the situation;

4 - a visual side of the flashbacks; they looked weird, as if I was looking through dim glass;

And finally the things I liked😏:

☑️ Edser: while immature and all I cannot deny that their kindergarten level fights are cute; it's better than them being petty, angry and cruel towards each other;

the beginning of the episode was just GOLD, with disoriented and doped up Eda and her calling Serkan "Aşkım" and his reaction like WTF?👀😳 and how when she said something nice he was like "ok, I should write that down and then remind you of this" - he's such a little shit😏😆;

there was also a moment when Eda cupped his cheek and I swear I saw Serkan melt, he was a breath away from nuzzling into Eda's palm and purring😹😻

them being in that house broken up, trying to maintain distance, avoiding physical contact - such contrast with the flashbacks where they couldn't keep their hands to themselves, where they were practically glued to each other;

I loved how the flashbacks were shown through Eda and Serkan's eyes - wherever they looked they saw ghosts of those happy moments;

the scene where they tried to talk and Eda asked Serkan to tell about a day he hurt someone, then a day he was hurting, then a day he was the happiest - so painful to see both of them clearly hurting; while Eda was openly crying, Serkan's eyes were red-rimmed and I swear I thought he was going to start crying too; it's so freaking hard for him to see Eda in pain 😭💔

another heartbreaking moment - a parallel scene when they both talked about their rings; I loved how they used the same, word-for-word reasoning for not taking their rings off; must be the soulmate thing😏😊💞

Serkan's inability to say no to Eda even when they're broken up is my gem; if one day they have a daughter her and Eda will have Serkan completely wrapped around their fingers😂😆🙈

in that last scene when Eda was leaving after her meeting with Aydan, when Serkan asked "Did my mother upset you?" - oh boy, could you maybe be less obvious? your love and concern are right there, on your forehead 🙈😆

☑️ Leyla and Erdem: I dunno I kinda ship them now🚢❤️ 🙈😂

honestly I am so over Erdem's obsession with Fifi; him and Leyla, on the other hand, look really cute together, both a bit cray-cray 🤪

the scene with them hangover in the office, wearing dark glasses - cracked me up; also has anyone noticed Erdem's cup with "Ciao" on it? a nice nod to Italy and maybe a bit of foreshadowing? Italy is not going anywhere; I feel like we're going to get the freaking time jump where Eda leaves to go to Italy 👀😬

loved the "I hate you / Our feelings are mutual" parallel with Edser

☑️ Aydan: this lady has a long way to go until she is in my good graces but I really liked that the writers decided to move her storyline forward;

I think lots of her unlikeable qualities stem from her traumatic experiences and in order to make her character grow and develop those experiences need to be addressed so I am all for this therapy thing; I just hope they are going to continue showing us the progress instead of just turning this into a one-time thing;

I actually liked that she reached out to Eda and asked her for help; while it might seem selfish I think it was clear that Aydan hesitated before calling Eda, she didn't want to trouble her, was embarrassed to ask for such a huge favour - that shows a sort of humility I hadn't detected in Aydan before;

☑️ overall mood and humour + I freaking loved that they addressed Serkan's OCD or maybe it's not really OCD, just a symmetry tick 🙈😆😂 we had snippets of it in other episodes and I have seen people wonder if that's Kerem's acting choice or something he himself does; now it's an official canonical part of Serkan's personality 😁🥳

And... that's pretty much it! Yay!

[helihi]

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty: Spop season 5

I’ve stopped screaming, and I took the time to rewatch season 5 with my little brother. So, here are my thoughts:

The Good

Horde Prime - The cult™ : I really dig the aesthetics, that combo of religious fanatics + fascism hit good. The crew did a good job at portraying Horde Prime as the ultimate villain of the show. He was engaging to watch and his ideology was pretty clear. The way they played with the hive mind concept was really fun, and it was Horde Prime’s biggest strength. He was also a very good manipulator, successfully playing with Glimmer and Adora. He was unsuccessful with Catra because she had already hit her lowest point.

Entrapta: honestly, she was the most hilarious character this season. Not only was she engaging to watch and listen to, I felt really connected to her this season. The fight with Mermista hit really good and it hurt, but you could see her trying her best. I love how open she is and how accepting of everyone and everything. I’m glad we got to see so much of her this season.

Scorpia: baby, she only deserves good things in life. When she got mind control, you could see how fucking powerful she is, but luckily for us, we got to see her shine independently before that. Her interactions with Swift Wind, Perfuma, and Double Trouble made her shine. She’s smart, talented, and without an evil bone in her body. I’m happy she can move on from Catra and find love and friendship. (I hope she reconnects with Lonnie, Rogelio and Kyle in the future too)

Mermista: babe, you were always mood. She has been consistently funny, her get ups and plans are so entertaining to watch, but also: her relationship with Sea Hawk is great! They are definitely made for each other. I’m sad she was mine controlled for the other half of the season, but I’m happy we got to see a lot of her before. (Also she burned someone’s ship OMG GANGSTER SUIT)

Sea Hawk: happy to see him back. He was funny as always, and I’m happy he got his moment with Mermista at the end. 

Perfuma: “ADORA, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?” “A TANK” “NO!” Her relationship with Scorpia is so good! I wish we could’ve seen more.

Netossa: I was one of those who was sad to know the 2 canon lesbians of the show were just background characters. I am so incredibly happy to see her shine this season! SHE SAID MY WIFE. She is the queen of the roasts and I stan.

Spinnerella: Dude, I didn’t know you were this powerful what the fuck. Also, your wife is super cute and she draws like Noelle.

Emotional Support Cat: Bro, I love Melog’s design. I think it was a really clever way to have Catra express her feelings and process them out loud for the audience by giving Catra a supernatural cat.

New She-ra design: I see the subtle reference to Bow, Glimmer and Catra in the design. Honestly, Adora looks 100% more badass.

Not Hordak: I really wish he had picked a name from himself. Aside from Entrapta, this might be the other hilarious character of the season. He goes through his individualization process in a healthier way than Hordak and showcases that the clones can be different from Horde Prime and rehabilitated. I wonder how he will feel about Hordak? But we got no epilogue so idk I guess.

Darla: I can’t believe they named the ship, but I love it.

The Best Friends Squad: I swear to god, when Bow, then Glimmer and then Catra interrupted Adora’s train of thought, I knew we were going to have a great dynamic. The way their characters play of each other is hilarious. Bow, who usually has the only braincell, is cautious and a total dad; Adora is the dumb jock with the heart of gold that gets herself into trouble; Glimmer is the chaotic enchantress with no patience; and finally Catra who’s got all her walls up, but gets shit done. I want a show of them together going on misions and almost dying in the process, thank you.

Catra Redemption: You wanted it, and here you have it! I was cheering for Catra this whole season while proclaiming I’d die for her (which I had only reserved for Scopia previously). Though things may be a little rushed, Catra takes her time to process things, and goes back and forth a couple of times. She deflects, lies, and runs away, but in the end she opens up and rushes back.

In general, the season was packed with content. I was never bored through any episodes and I honestly laughed outloud while watching it alone and later with my brother. There were moments when we paused the episode to discuss what had just happened or to process new information. This makes me feel even more weird about the bland season 2/3 division.

The Bad

Okay so, let me make this clear: I will never attack a ship or anyone who supports it. In this blog we multiship like adults and respect other people’s OTPs.

That being said, while this season was long and packed with content, it also felt rushed when it came to the relationships of the main cast

Glimmer - Catra: The prison episodes had barely any interactions between both of them. I wish they’ve had had more time to talk and to connect. There were Glitra moments that make me feel happy, and my brother was for a moment convinced that they could be canon. They are foils of each other after season 4. The conversation they had, where they realize they had a lot of things in common could’ve been a catalyst for both of them to grow and heal. However, Catra has her change of heart really soon and saves Glimmer, which prevents any deep interactions between them in the future. Aside from the jokes, Catra must be with Adora, and Glimmer must be with Bow, so everything else gets dropped.

Glimmer - Adora: The conflict between them after Angela’s “death” was one of the main plot points of last season. When they reunite again, their issues are solved in a couple of minutes and then brushed off. They really don’t have big interactions after that, which feels completely OOC and empty.

Glimmer - Bow: I wasn’t the only one who felt the sharp turn of their relationship. In previous seasons, it was really platonic, but as soon as they see each other again you know they are going to end up together. The camera zoomed on them, Bow was always holding her protectively, the way they looked at each other change. Since Glimmer is not allowed to have intimate moments with anyone else, it kinda dulls everything up. Don’t get me wrong, I love some best friends to lovers, but in this case it felt rushed for me. If I pinpoint the moment things turned romantic for them, it’s the first time they interact in person this season. It didn’t feel organic (contrast with a ship like Korrasami, where you can point at the moment Asami realized she had feelings for Korra, and then later when Korra’s attitude towards Asami changes after the time skip).

Adora - Catra: Honey, we all knew this was going to be end game, and I love the fact that Catra is dealing with her feelings and Adora acknowledges that. However, after the end of season 3, I’d have expected things to progress a little slower. Catra did put some resistance with the chip scene, but even afterwards, what would’ve been better paced with more episodes, was condensed in a few. Don’t get me wrong. I love that Catra redemption, but I’d have loved a better pacing.

BTW for anyone interested: I ship Glitradora, so any of the 3 ships ending up canon were good for me, and I liked Bow/Glimmer, just preferred them as bffs.

There’s a list of characters that barely show up that could’ve had more screentime:

Huntara: barely appears at all. She’s seen fighting, but there are no references to her or a storyline with her.

Lonnie, Rogelio and Kyle: briefly shown. The gay couple of the century have adopted the baby demon and are now the best dads in the desert. Lonnie is their braincell.

Double Trouble: at least they had a scene and lines, but I feel like they could’ve been more involved after they were discovered by Scopria, especially since they escaped with Sea Hawk and Perfuma.

The Star Siblings: idk man, they were part of a whole episode and then faded into the background. It was a glorified cameo for an episode where Glimmer and Bow fight.

Glimmer’s Aunt: sorry but I was asking “where the hell is she?” until she finally showed up late. She barely had any purpose.

The Dirty

Hey, guys, girls, and nonbinary pals, can we sit down and talk about redemptions?

IDK about you, but just because a show is aimed at kids you shouldn’t “redeem” all the villains. This trend bothers me specially when it touches on abuse or totalitarian leaders.

Shadow Weaver was an abuser until the end. She shouldn’t have had a heroic sacrifice, and her “I’m proud of you” line was bitter for me. I’ve said before I was raised in an abusive household and I don’t think it’s healthy to tell children that you can change your abuser or that you can expect them to change without therapy. I’m glad Shadow Weaver died, but I wish her death wasn’t in any way shape or form considered a “redemption”. A heroic act of sacrifice doesn’t erase all the pain she cause and the years of trauma Catra and Adora have had to endure.

Hordak. HEY HEY ETRAPDAK SHIPPERS DON’T COME FOR ME! I was weirded up by the ship until I realized Etrapta is in her late 20s. I’m happy they found each other but I think it’d be better if Hordak had to redeem himself through a life of service to Etheria. He can't erase the horrible things he has done, but with the help of Entrapta and others, he could give back to the community he ruined. Since we don’t have an epilogue, we just see him reuniting with Entrapta at the end and that’s it.

ALSO SOMEONE GIVE MICAH A HAIR TIE. My man, you are not in a hostile island anymore, go rock a dad bun or a dad ponytail!

--

How do you guys feel about it?

I’m here looking at cute GIFs of Catra and that kiss scene on repeat. I want a Rogelio poster, he was my boy.

[carewyncromwell]

[After her abridged reunion with Jacob, Carewyn had fully intended to spend some time by herself. Her heart was still twinging with raw frustration and hurt, and whenever she felt like her emotions could run away with her, she generally thought it safer to isolate herself so she could get a grip.

It seemed that Penny, however, had other plans. Not long at all after Carewyn returned to school, Penny caught up with her outside the Great Hall, looking very excited.

“Carewyn, there you are!” she’d said. “I was looking for you -- do you have time to come to the Courtyard with me? There’s someone you’ve just got to meet.”

Even though she truthfully wasn’t in much of a mood to meet anybody, Carewyn agreed, though she did convince Penny to let her change clothes first, since she’d gotten her Baby Blue Beauxbatons suit wet in her duel with Jacob. Once Carewyn had pulled on a comfier jumper, sweater, and jeans and fixed her hair and make-up, she headed out to the Courtyard.

As soon as Carewyn arrived, she spotted a large group of people already gathered at the back of the courtyard. Some of her friends -- Andre, Charlie, and Diego -- were among them. Penny was waiting just outside the circle. When she spotted Carewyn, her face brightened and she bustled over.]

Penny: “Hey, Carewyn!”

[When Penny reached her, she quickly looped an arm around Carewyn’s and pulled her along after her.]

Penny: “Come on -- I’ll introduce you -- ”

[Penny led Carewyn to join the large group of people, who all seemed to be circled around a single student -- a young boy, probably a first year, with tiny warm brown eyes and a handsome smile, dressed in a yellow jumper.]

[The boy, Cedric, smiled up at Carewyn. Despite his young age, he was already close to Carewyn’s modest height of 5′3″ -- it was clear he’s going to be very tall when he got older. When Cedric spoke, his voice was very unassuming, almost shy.]

[Carewyn crossed her arms loosely over her chest and gave him a small, wry smile.]

“Likewise. When I first met your father, he spoke very highly of you.”

Penny: “Oh, that’s right! Amos Diggory was at that surprise party we threw for Hagrid, back in second year...I’d forgotten!”

[Cedric blushed slightly around his smile.]

Cedric: “Well, ah...Dad does exaggerate a little. I like that he supports me so much, of course -- I’m really grateful...but he just gets really excited, you know?”

Charlie: “(with a grin) If it was about your flying, I reckon he’d have a good reason to be excited, mate.”

Andre: “Right! (to Carewyn) You should see Cedric on a broom, Carewyn -- he’s a Seeker in the making.”

[Carewyn raised her eyebrows. That was high praise, from Andre.

Cedric glanced away shyly.]

Cedric: “I’m not that great. I’ve got nothing on Charlie -- he’s the really great Seeker.”

[The other people in the crowd seemed not to agree at all, for several of them immediately talked over each other to argue the point.

“Oh come on, Ced -- ” “ -- that extreme dive you did -- ” “ -- grabbed that Snitch like it was nothing!” “Charlie’s great, yeah, but still -- ”

The only person who didn’t seem interested in praising Cedric, oddly enough, was Diego. His face was scrunched up in a muted scowl that Carewyn had never seen before: it made him look oddly surly.]

Diego: “(airily) I imagine all that time flying must not leave you much opportunity to practice your spellcasting.”

Cedric: “(uncomfortably) ...I could certainly stand to study more...”

[His eyes flickered to Carewyn again almost guiltily. Was he feeling self-conscious?]

Penny: “(to Carewyn) Don’t listen to him, Carewyn, he’s just being modest -- I overheard Professor Flitwick mention how promising of a duelist Cedric was to Professor Sprout this morning -- “

Well, that explains Diego’s attitude.

[Carewyn glanced at Diego out the side of her eye with some concern. She could swear she sees a vein popping in his jaw.]

Diego: “(sourly) Well, bully for Cedric.”

[Penny, however, seemed blissfully unaware of Diego’s irritation -- she was already rushing onward.]

Penny: “Speaking of bullying, I heard you stopped a Gryffindor from teasing a Ravenclaw this morning, right, Cedric?”

Cedric: “(lowly) I sit behind Aaron in my Charms class -- he’s had a rough time of it lately, he didn’t deserve getting teased because of that. Anyone else would’ve done the same thing...”

Penny: “That’s not true! It was good of you, Cedric, very noble of you! You’d be a brilliant Prefect, with that moral compass -- wouldn’t you say so, Carewyn?”

[Cedric brought up a hand to rub behind his neck uncomfortably.]

[Cedric shot a self-conscious, almost nervous glance at Carewyn. Did he think she felt like Diego, or...was he actually a bit intimidated by her?]

He must feel kind of like how I felt when I first approached Bill...

[Carewyn’s blue eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly, not critically but with empathy.

While everyone had gone on, Carewyn had noticed the first year Hufflepuff’s posture had been pretty consistently shrinking and his gaze had become more prone to wander -- not unlike how Carewyn herself looked away when she was uncomfortable and trying not to show it. Even Cedric’s speaking cadence had become a bit rockier and tentative -- almost like he were passively trying to signal to everyone to stop.

It was very clear to Carewyn that all of this attention was overwhelming Cedric -- and the thought of him being intimidated by her made her feel even more for the poor kid.

She closed her eyes, her lips spreading into a wide smile.]

[She opened her eyes again and gave Cedric a broad, wry smile.]

“(dryly) As flattered as I am to be considered a hero...in the end, I’m just a girl with decent fashion sense who hasn’t really had a chance to breathe since first year.”

[Cedric couldn’t bite back a rather loud, dorky snort of laughter. He flushed a dark shade of red and covers his nose and mouth self-consciously.

Carewyn’s blue eyes softened visibly.]

“(kindly) I know this place can be overwhelming...but at least it seems like you’ve already seen how fun it can be too -- how many awesome, talented people you can meet.”

[She caught Diego’s eye and shot him a proud smile. The Dueling Champion, even if his expression was still oddly irritable, seemed to relax his shoulders slightly, seeing Carewyn’s reassuring expression.

Carewyn then turned back to Cedric.]

“...Just take things at your own pace and do your best, okay?”

[Cedric smiled more fully, his tiny brown eyes a bit brighter than before and his cheeks flushing a dark, happy shade of pink.]

[Carewyn’s attention, however, was commandeered by a familiar black blur dashing across the Courtyard.]

Sickleworth?

[Carewyn had quasi-adopted Rakepick’s Niffler after the ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher left him behind the previous year. She knew it hadn’t been safe to bring him home with her over the summer, given that the Cromwell home was in a well-populated Muggle neighborhood -- so before leaving for the summer, Carewyn had introduced Sickleworth to Wicket, her own trained Niffler in the Magical Creature Preserve, so that the two could sort of “room” in the same burrow while she was away.

Imagine Carewyn’s surprise, therefore, seeing the mischievous little Niffler dashing around on school grounds, not with a piece of shiny loot, but a single bright white feather in his teeth.]

Penny: “(startled) Is that Sickleworth?”

[Carewyn turned back to Cedric.]

“Sorry, Cedric -- I better go catch my Niffler before he gets himself into trouble -- ”

Andre: “(eyebrows raised) Your Niffler?”

[Noticing the piercing look on Charlie’s face, Carewyn shot her friends a rather huffy look.]

“Ben and I found him last year after Rakepick left him behind...and well, someone’s got to look after him -- he’s only a baby!”

[She dashed off, tossing as pleasant of a wave and smile as she could back to Cedric.]

“Catch you later, okay?”

[As she left, Carewyn could’ve sworn she heard Andre’s voice say,

“Something you’ll learn pretty quick about Carewyn, Cedric...she takes care of everybody.”]

((OOC: Oh gosh, I think wittle Ced might have a tiiiiiny crush on Carewyn. XDDD Adorable Puffle boy! I don’t really see the logic in the game’s characters gushing about him quite so much when he’s still only a bloody first year, but Carewyn at least will be 100% okay with him preoccupying her friends while she deals with the Vaults on her own. No jealousy anywhere to be seen from Carey-bear.

Unlike in the game, Carey won’t be seeking out any help in tracking down Sickleworth. She’s perfectly willing to do things on her own, and considering that Sickleworth was once Rakepick’s, Carewyn doesn’t want her friends to help her in case this newest development has something to do with R, which...yeah, it does!))

[valiant-sike-cat-au]

welcome to valiant sike!

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I LIKE TO RAMBLE AUGHHH IF YOU WANNA HELP ME SHORTEN IT IM ALL EARS KASLFKJSAS ASKS ARE OPEN!

characters available!:  -ivy (aka ellie) -coon (aka charles)

SO, WHAT’S THIS AU ABOUT?

-long story short, it’s a henry stickmin askblog but instead of the regular characters, they’re swapped out for cat characters i own! this is mainly a comfort au for me, since its fun brainrot, but i wanted to start up an askblog because i have NOT recovered from VH and i need h e a l i n g. so it should be obvious, but this blog takes place after VH (and all other endings have been done at least once before, but only the CCC and sky (aka henry) know that)

-please note that all characters have been picked for their roles based off personality, not really appearance/gender/sexuality/etc, though they did all get new outfits to match their characters better.

-the plot for this is roughly planned out but EXTREMELY loose and bound to change, and you guys can help shape it! got ideas, or just want to guide the characters in a certain direction? you’re free to do so! this is something i do for fun in my free time and NOT something super serious,so posting will not be consistant! i’ll let you guys know if i have to go on a hiatus.

-for quality of life reasons, if you bring up a character you don’t know the name of in this au, it will be autocorrected with no questions asked! similarly, if a characters name is mentioned, there will be small text underneath with the original name of the character from THSC. if you need any clearing up, don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask/discord message!

ASKING RULES

-M!A are disabled (sorry, guys)

-you are totally free to ask the mun about any character, so if you wanna see what <insert character here> looks like in the cat au, i might throw some doodles your way! just make sure if you’re directing asks at said characters make sure they are available for asks in the first place.

-there will be absolutely NO sexual content. as an aro/ace minor it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. swearing, blood, and mature themes are 100% alright though, as long as its in moderation.

-there will also be extremely little to no romance. i ADORE a lot of the ships in this fandom but as mentioned above, i’m aro/ace and as such do not feel comfortable writing/drawing them

-please don’t be rude to characters unprompted. if they’re being a dick you’re free to get mean, but if they’re just vibing?

-the plot is very loose and you are free to influence the characters in one direction or another, but i dont want them to go completely OOC.

-i may not be able to answer every single ask. please do not get upset with me, i’m not a very fast artist :(

[persephonemine]

roleplay rules.

                                  ⋆          ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ ᴘʀᴇғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇs     ⋆

I.) I prefer roleplaying literate. I really love advanced lit. If the muse is willing, novella. And ask that my partner to be, at least, semi-lit or lit in return. I don’t really like freefrom or non-lit roleplaying as I feel like there’s not enough depth to it. 💔 I apologize in advance if that seems a bit harsh and maybe you can prove me wrong!

II.) I roleplay using third person perspective and would prefer it if my partner did the same. I don’t much like first person and roleplaying it is a bit of a pain for me.

III.) When it comes to genre, I have many favorites. Romance, mystery, thriller, sci-fi, fantasy, drama, horror — just, all of them, hehehe. But especially romance, angst, and humor! Definitely would love it if we can merge a few together.

IV.) I like having the option of adding mature themes to any plots; gore, violence, drugs, etc. I’m perfectly fine with smut! Love it even, but this will only be allowed if my partner is +18.

V.) Swearing does not bother me as I, too, swear. Sometimes I swear a lot and sometimes I don’t; not really consistent with that, haha. Swearing in roleplays is DEFINITELY gonna happen from my end, sorry. ♡

VI.) When it comes to shipping, I’m extremely open but there’s got to be some sort of chemistry or connection between the characters, even if it is just a certain kind of tension. They’ve got to have a sort of spark to be able to go off of and to develop Feelings™️ for one another. 

VII.) I prefer bxg! But I am willing to do gxg, so don’t fret! ♡                            *However, I have kind of a hard time writing bxb, sorry!

VIII.) I’m comfortable with roleplaying with canon characters and original characters! I  L O V E  OCs, gimme them! I usually roleplay as my original characters but I can play a fair amount of canon characters.

                          *I will upload a list of canon characters and from which fandoms I can play!

IX.) Due to life being life, it can take me some time to reply to roleplays. But I will never leave a chat due to inactivity! I will leave if you’re being a meanie. I won’t ever bug or nag you for replies unless it has been more than a few days, then I’ll do a check-in just to make sure that you are okay and that you are still interested.

If you are no longer interested, let me know! We can work out a new plot or try something else!

X.) I am usually a very serious roleplayer, however OOC I’m a big, obnoxious, clingy baby. I'd love it if we could be friends especially if we plan on doing long term roleplays!

XI.) My characters will never do anything out of character. They’re extremely developed and there is just no way I can willingly write them to do something they just don’t do. Unless we’ve plotted they’ve been hypnotised or something.

XII.) I love to plot, headcanon, and just chat — so hit me up!

XII.) I will not force my partner into any plots that they are uncomfortable with! 

All you have to do is tell me once that you do not like something and I will never bring it up again. Comfort and trust in your roleplay partner is everything! ♡

XIV.) I have no triggers or boundaries, as long as such subjects are handled with RESPECT and DELICACY. However, if it gets too much for me, I will let you know and I expect you to do the same. ♡

XV.)  I am fine with roleplaying here on tumblr through posts, through discord, and docs! I prefer not to do RPs through DMs simply because of how small the window is and how poor my eyesight is. XVI.) When it comes to smut, I won’t do a ‘fade to black’ or ‘the next morning’, I don’t really prefer it but if smut makes you uncomfortable, I can do the time skip. ♡

                                  [this list will be updated from time to time —]

                                                                          (     👑     )

*ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴘᴍ ᴍᴇ ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ ʙᴇʟᴏᴡ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪsʜ ᴛᴏ ʀᴘ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ! 👽💕

[escarghosting]

Hello hello @eli-and-fictional-sons​!! Coincidentally, I was also your secret santa for the @vncsecretsanta​! Here’s you’re gift; it’s sort of a college au, but there’s hardly any mention if college so *shrugs* I had fun writing it! This is my first fic for vnc so if either of them seem ooc, that’s why lol. Hope you enjoy it! Happy new years!

Title: Love Thy Neighbor

Rating: T, mostly for swearing

Word count: 1536

Summary: Vanitas really doesn’t like his neighbor. Really. No matter how attractive he may be. So why exactly does he agree let him use his shower?

Vanitas really…didn’t like his next door neighbor.  

Noe was his name. Ever since the guy moved in, there was always something the other did that pissed them off. It all started when Noe started parking in Vanitas’ spot. No matter how often he yelled at him about it, Noe still managed to park in his spot at least once a week. Things just went downhill from there.  

At some point in the past 5 months of living next to each other, Vanitas started going out of his way to piss Noe off; his favorite was playing loud music early in the morning, because Noe was nothing but grumpy without at least 8 hours of sleep. Yes, Vanitas was that petty.  

But what really peeved Vanitas about Noe is how…perfect he was. When Vanitas wasn’t doing things to annoy him, Noe was actually pretty nice. He gave Vanitas rides sometimes when the weather was too bad to take his bike (although music in the car was another source of tension between them), and he checked up on him often to make sure he was eating and sleeping well, because “no one should look as dead as you do” (which, unsurprisingly, aggravated Vanitas to no end). He was naïve, but it was kind of endearing. Sometimes.   

He was also fine as hell, not that Vanitas would ever admit it. Tall, well-built, pretty eyes, and to-the point about everything. Noe might as well be the man of Vanitas’ dreams, and he hated it.  

…Okay, maybe he had a teeny tiny crush.  

 It didn’t matter anyway, nothing would ever come of it. Why would Noe ever like him back? All Vanitas did was purposefully annoy him. Most of their conversations consisted of pointed glares and hardly contained anger, mostly from Vanitas. Noe deserved to be with someone much better than him.  

‘Maybe you guys just need to get together, let out that awkward sexual tension. I bet you that’s the reason you’re always so cranky with each other, idiot.’  

Vanitas slammed the butter knife down on the counter. Screw Dante and his stupid advice! What did he know anyway? He was just some baldy with as much romance experience as a doormat. That was the last thing he needed to be thinking about right now. He stared down at his unfinished peanut butter sandwich. He couldn’t eat now, he was too bitter. Maybe I’ll just take a hot shower and lay down for the night, he thought. It wasn’t even 9:00, but there’s nothing wrong with a little extra sleep, right? In fact, Noe would probably be proud—  

Ohhh, no. That thought was going to end right there. Vanitas dragged himself to the bathroom—which wasn’t very far in this tiny apartment—but before he could turn on the faucet, there was a knock at the door.  

Fan-fucking-tastic.  

“Who could possibly be knocking at this hour?” Vanitas muttered angrily. He was in no mood to humor anyone for anything. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Vanitas stomped over to the door and flung it open. “This had better be impor—” 

Standing in the hallway was none other than Noe himself. He was holding a towel and a hair brush in one arm, dressed in his loose white pajamas. The look on his face was awkward and somewhat...pained? 

Vanitas couldn’t stop himself from admiring the other man. The way strands of white hair fell into his face, or how his shirt hugged his broad shoulders...  

Stooooooop! 

“What do you want?  This had better be important, Noe,” he spat.  

Noe pursed his lips. “I need to use your shower.” 

“…Why can’t you use yours?” At this Noe shuffled his feet, looking anywhere but Vanitas. Was he… embarrassed?

“You see,” he started, “I may have tripped over Murr heading to the shower, and ripped the shower head from the wall trying to catch myself.”

Vanitas just stared. Of course Noe would manage to do something like that.

Thinking it over, he supposed there was no harm in letting him in. Call it payback for all the times Noe’s helped him.  It was a little annoying that he’d have to let Noe take one first, but the was no way he was waiting around Vanitas’ apartment until he was done. Besides, this way he could take as long as he wanted.

“I guess,” he sighed, stepping aside to let him in. He swore Noe had stars in his eyes when he thanked him. Weirdo.

Noe stepped in to the apartment, looking around like he’d never been in there before. “Our showers are probably the same,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “So I don’t think I have to help you—hey! Don’t touch that!”

Vanitas was an art student, but since he and Noe weren’t friends, the other had never seen anything Vanitas had made. He had been working on a minimalist human sculpture for a class earlier, and must’ve forgotten to put it away because Noe was about to pick it up good lord.

He grabbed Noe’s arm before he could touch it, glaring at him. “It’s wet! I don’t need you squishing it with your inhuman strength!”

Noe blinked at him. “Oh. Sorry. I’ve never seen someone make something like this before, I wanted to know what it felt like. You’re really good at this!”

So naïve but so cute. Noe was practically sparkling. He didn’t say anything he didn’t mean; he really thought Vanitas’ half-assed sculpture was cool. Vanitas could feel the annoyance drain from him with every second.

“Whatever. Just go take your shower. You have 10 minutes!”

“Sure, but you’re gonna have to let go of me first, Vanitas.”

Vanitas blinked. He was still holding Noe’s arm. And when did they get so close? Vanitas (very calmly, mind you) let go and stepped back, clearing his throat. “Right.”

Noe nodded and headed to the bathroom. “And don’t touch anything you don’t need to!” Vanitas called after him.

As soon as the door shut, Vanitas was on the couch, internally screaming at himself. How could he be more awkward! All he did was grab his arm! Nothing weird about that. It was the first time he’d ever actually touched Noe though, and he was every bit as muscular as he looked, god damn. It would be a while before he’d forget about that discovery.

By the time the ten minutes were up, Vanitas had mostly gotten himself together. Enough to realize the shower was still running. He got up and banged on the bathroom door. “Noe! Come on! You better not use up all my hot water, I swear.”

The shower quickly shut off, followed by scrambled footsteps. ‘Please don’t slip, I don’t need you breaking my shower, too,’ he hoped.

A minute later, the door opened, and Vanitas thought he actually might die that night.

The first thing he noticed was Noe’s hair. He’d never seen it so curly. In hindsight, it only made sense; Noe’s hair shouldn’t have been that straight. He just couldn’t picture Noe using a straightener without severely burning himself. (Then again, no one should have white hair at 19, so could you really blame him?) It was still soaking wet, dripping down into the towel around his neck.

The next thing he noticed was that Noe Archiviste was shirtless and dripping wet in his apartment.

He just couldn’t catch a break, could he.

Vanitas had never been more grateful for his amazing poker face, because if he was, he’d probably look like a firetruck right then. “It’s about time,” he grumbled, pointedly looking away from Noe. He was dense, but there’s no way he wouldn’t notice Vanitas all but drooling over his body.

“Sorry Vanitas, guess I lost track of time.” Vanitas hummed in acknowledgement. Suddenly, his face was in Vanitas’ line of sight. He was carefully studying Vanitas’ face. “What’s wrong? You seem crankier than usual.”

Damn him and his skill for reading people. He refused to meet Noe’s eyes. “Tch. Nothing’s wrong. Can you just put your shirt on and leave so I can go back to enjoying my night?”

Noe stood back up. He could hear the shirt being pulled over his head. “By the way, your shower curtain’s a horrible color. My eyes hurt just looking at it.”

Vanitas whipped his head around to retort because it was a nice shade of blue dammit, but his words died in his throat. Noe had a soft smile on his face, and he was chuckling softly, and Vanitas felt like he might actually melt.

“Thanks for letting me use your shower,” he said as he started driying his hair. “Hey, I know this place that has amazing tarte tatin; you should come with me sometime.” All Vanitas could do was nod and give a soft “sure”. He was only half-listening; he was too focused on the fact that Noe was actually smiling at him.

Noe nodded. “Great. I guess I’ll see you around then?” he didn’t wait for a response before leaving Vanitas star-struck in his own apartment.

‘Wait a minute. Did Noe just ask me out on a date?’

Maybe this night wasn’t as horrible as he thought.

~~~

(A/N: the little shirtless Noe scene was supposed to be more descriptive with more freaking out from Vani, but half way through writing this, I remembered the Shirtless Kylo Ren meme and I had a hell of a time writing that part without dying of laughter i’m sorry

Also I totally threw in my headcanon that Noe has naturally somewhat-curly hair bc come on he’s black for goodness sake)

[divorcedfiddleford]

i know this is random, but do you have any tips on writing ford and fiddleford? you do a really good job on their characterizations and even though i'm very familiar with their characters i always write people out of character when i'm writing, lol! thanks !!!!

ghhhgg i Kid but anyway im like super distracted so i just made a list of a bunch of common mistakes i see when people r writing themedit: i was so wrong i made such a long fucking post im sorry this was a Mistake (rip mobile users)

first things first everything in the journal was Fake

fiddleford:

“fiddleford is a poor precious cinnamon roll who is helpless and did nothing wrong uwu” fuck off he built all those robots and probably killed a bunch of people in the process he isnt some innocent sunflower he’s more like a rowdy dandelion

yes this applies even if you’re writing young fiddleford he was just more patient and less open with his life of crime because he didnt want to go to jail

his eyes are blue. theyre fucking blue. theyre fucking b

“he doesnt like swears/he’s soft-spoken” wrong he’s literally the only character to have sworn on-screen

“he started the society because he was traumatized by what he’d seen” no, where did you get that idea. he literally says he invented the gun because he was “haunted by the thoughts of what I’d done” >literally stating that it was guilt not fear that was bothering him. eventually yes he used it for erasing scary memories but that was not his initial intent

he’s not bald anymore

really any idea that fiddleford is pathetic is grossly ooc i can think of one situation in the show that he wasn’t able to get himself out of and thats because he was turned into a fucking arras

what is this southern belle bullshit… he chews tobacco and wrestles pigs please stop woobifying this force of nature

a banjo is not the same as a guitar. a banjo is not the same as a guitar. a banjo is not the same as a guitar.

if youre going to write accents don’t be obnoxious about it

EX: “How are y’all doin’ this fine evening?”NOT: “Hower y’all doien’ this fain evenin’?”you don’t have to use the mannerisms in every sentence and you don’t have to drop the g in every -ingphonetic spelling is a pain to read like at the most you should be using apostrophes not respelling words (“Stanferd” more like kill me now)

also make sure your mannerisms are geographically accurate he’s not from texas i never want to see him say “sugah” again

his accent isnt even that strong in the show …what……….

tip: fiddleford is salty as FUCK he has NO MERCY and holds onto grudges like a lifesaver in a storm

tip: he loves being around people and will talk to them about fucking anything such as his multiple cases of manslaughter but doesn’t usually open up about his insecurities unless prompted

further reading: 1 2 3 4

stanford:

“everything that happened to fiddleford is ford’s fault” did ?? you even watch the show??? fiddleford did all that shit himself ford had nothing to do with it

“ford was manipulating dipper and con-” im gonna stop you right there. ford loves his niece and nephew. he agreed to leave the kids alone because stan thought he was too dangerous to be around them. stan only let dipper hang out with ford after dd&md. ford loves dipper and mabel equally and never wanted them to split up or anything. bill fucking knew this hence why he threatened ford with killing them. he made the proposal to dipper about the apprenticeship because he genuinely thought that was the best thing for dipper. he was wrong but he didnt know that

in fact while we’re at it - ford literally always does stuff with the best of intentions he’s just dumb and unlucky as shit

deal with the devil? he thought the devil was his nerdy buddy not the devil. he just was so happy to have a friend who appreciated him he didnt realize he was the fucking devil

abandon your brother? he thought his brother had sabotaged his dreams and that the only person he’d ever trusted had betrayed him. he was wrong but it’s not like stan apologized or denied it. also what was he supposed to do? challenge his dad? in case you didn’t notice filbrick was a fucking terrible dad

building a doomsday device? too bad you’re literally being manipulated and abused by Lucifer The Triangle

“ford didn’t want to make amends with stan” um, no, like obviously he’s still mad and stuff but in dd&md he stops himself from getting super mad and asks stan if he wants to play with him and dipper

“ford wanted to kick stan out” ?? when did he say that??? the closest thing he said to that was that he wanted his house back and while i GUESS you could interpret that as he wanted it back to himself he follows it up directly with “this mystery shack junk is over forever” so its pretty obvious he means he wants the tourist trap that makes a mockery of his entire life’s purpose out of his house

“fords a grumpy guy” he is the opposite . he is overflowing with love and pride for those he holds dear. he might be a little gruff but who wouldnt be after living in hell for 30 years

remember that one asshole whose kink is “ciphord abuse”. dont be that guy. dont write kink shit

just. don’t make ford the villain. dont do it.

this may come as a surprise to you..but….he DOESNT have to bring up his intellect all the time! a shock i know

tip: ford is very excitable he loves getting up and doing things and going on adventures!! he loves interacting with the creatures around gravity falls like the gnomes and steve (see: every gotdamn episode)

he’s also very sympathetic; if someone he knows/cares about is struggling he does whatever he can to help them and comfort them (see: the last mabelcorn, damvtf)

he tends to think more big picture as opposed to worrying about individual details. the priority is always solving the larger problem unless a loved one’s life is ostensibly in danger in which case that takes priority (see: damvtf, wmg1, wmg3)

tip: ford is gay

tip: he’s also anti-social and wouldn’t be very forward with romantic notions like it would take him months before he even THINKS about kissing someone and even then its like a 10 hour loop of beach boys’ wouldn’t it be nice

tip: he is the king of infodumping and explains everything in excruciating detail

tip: he likes to have a good time! don’t be afraid to let him have fun!!

further reading: 1 2 3

for both:

enough of the angst. enough. enough

if you’re going to make them trans don’t milk the dysphoria

tip from my pal rudy @blue-dipper​ (im not trans)

same kinda goes for if youre doing romance dont overplay the internal/external homophobia i made that mistake so many times its just clunky and gets in the way of the characters

the whole idea of “the innocent one” vs “the sinful one” is garbage. abandon it. you will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders

realistically if it’s a reunion thing don’t make them hook up automatically this shit takes time

in general avoid stereotypes. some examples being “the hippie” or “the nerd” just write them like they act on the show its easier and more enjoyable for everyone involved

ALEX HIRSCH ≠ WORD OF GOD only the stuff in the show needs to be considered 100% canon you can pick and choose all the other stuff or ignore it entirely

in conclusion all fiction is subjective and writing someone “in character” all depends on how you perceive the character. these are my perceptions of the character and yeah i get really frustrated when people don’t agree because i believe mine are those that make the most sense and that good representation of neurodivergent and lgbta+ people is important also im petty and annoying. the most important thing is that you be consistent with your portrayals (unless your perception of the character is inconsistency in which case good luck)

[haplesshuman]

Breaking Dawn Book 1

In which the plot...has gone walkabouts.

OK, the Book of Suck has been very handy. Whilst I was reading Breaking Dawn, I made notes in the Book of Suck. I have 35 notes, covering 8 pages.

Eight. A5. Pages. Full. Of. Plot. And. Characer. Issues.

Breaking Dawn is an anomaly in the Twilightverse in that I actually wanted to find out if Bella ended up a vampire. So, I looked at the end of the book, because I didn’t have any spoilers and, at the age of 15, assumed that it would end with Bella as a vampire.

I was wrong.

This is the beginning of the beginning of the end. And I still haven’t found my rubber gloves. And... much soap was needed afterwards.

Also, I need to give you a PSA. Chapter 7 has several ethical issues, particularly regarding abortions and medical consent. It’s bad.

1. The preface. Bella asks, if you were being killed by your s/o, would you give them your life?

Nobody’s killing you, Bella. Not yet.

2. The Truck. Yes, Bella’s ancient truck. You know the one. First of all, when it failed to show up in the book - Bells is now driving what I dub the Gawkmobile, because everyone stares at it - I questioned what happened to it. Had it caught fire? Did it get in the crash?

No, it just broke. Or Edward sabotaged it. And then bought her the Gawkmobile. OK. Wait a second. 

THAT TRUCK WAS A GIFT, DAMN IT! Let’s put it this way. Bella is about to give up humanity, and it means she won’t be able to see her parents. The truck was a gift from her father. She may want something very solid to remember him by. And it ‘breaks down’ (cause never known). 

Also... nobody openly admires cars. 

And how does anyone know that the car is 

3. Staring. Nobody is staring at you. And if you didn’t want to get married, why did you say yes, Bells? I’m just going to headdesk.

5. Black Credit Card. How is this a status symbol, lest it be one for the super rich only? And how did a not-rich teenager get one?

Enjoy the mountain of credit card debt, kiddo.

6. Police Mess up. Charlie, if Billy knows that Jacob is A-OK, take the damn posters down. Put pictures on the corkboard. Decorate it like Homer decorated his workstation. Anything. 

7. The Uninvited: Leah. Her mum was invited. Her brother was invited. Leah was not. DUDE, THAT WILL MAKE HER BITTER IF SHE CARES ABOUT YOU, AND IF SHE DOESN’T, SHE’LL BE MAD SHE WAS LEFT OUT WHEN THE REST OF HER FAMILY WAS INVITED.

8. Charlie and Renee. Sorry, Tumblr doesn’t do accents. Charlie takes it well. I thought for a second Renee’s reaction would be an off-page one, but nope, the anti-marriage Renee Something takes it fine, just to make everything easier for Bells and Edward.

To be honest, it would’ve been better if Renee had actually died, and that was why Bella had come to Forks. 

I’ve seen that done, by the way. It’s the reason why Emily Benedict came to Mullaby in The Girl who Chased the Moon. And it worked fine. Especially since part of the dual plotline was Emily finding out the truth about what caused her mother to leave the town she’s been sent to.

10. Dartmouth. OK. This is actually combining two points from the Book of Suck. First of all, Bells accepted the Dartmouth place that was bought for her. Someone who worked their behind off to get that place didn’t get it.

And then, to make matters worse, Bells decides that she actually wants to go to college, and Edward suddenly says that he doesn’t think she wants to go to college.

If you don’t think she wants to go to college, WHY DID YOU PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO GETTING HER A PLACE?

I’m just going to swear.

11. Turning 19. Another combo point. At one point, Bella calls being frozen at 18 every woman’s dream. I beg to differ, having a sucky time at 18 with only a few bright spots. Turning 19 was fine. Heck, I consider 2nd July International 19-Year-Olds Day. The thing I disliked most about being 19 was spending my last day as a teenager attending yet another funeral. 

Later, Bells changed her mind about not turning 19. Well, of course. Now she’s not going to want to be a vampire ever, right?

12. Jacob at the wedding. Edward has Bells meet Jacob as a surprise, making me hope that the whole wedding was Bells being trolled and Jacob was just picking Edward up so they can elope.

Of course it’s not. And Jacob has a fit when Bella says that she wants to get turned into a vampire after the honeymoon. Jacob, please leave the wedding and get some brain bleach. Just get over yourself. 

13. The Geography Fail. Or rather, consistency fail! Rio de Janeiro isn’t on the west coast of Brazil, because Brazil doesn’t have a west coast. It’s on the east coast. Yet... within two sentences, it’s simultaneously on the east and west coast. The editor missed a trick there.

14. Isle Esme. What a name. Honestly, couldn’t it be Esme Isle? Or Esme Island? Whatever, I’d rather be on Tracy Island than there.

15. The swimming. Seeing as we don’t see Bella actually put on any swimming garb, I’m assuming she’s skinny-dipping, which means I’m just going to go to my happy place and check the Miami Open scores. BRB. I’ll just leave you with a tennis gif whilst I check. 

And now I’m back.

16. I almost forgot... The plot of chapter 2 is... Soppy dialogue, Edward is dragged away, Bells remembers the Denali sisters who I’ve never heard of before and they talk about immortal children.

OK. This is the last book. I have no idea who the Denali sisters are. 

Hapless Human considers putting an appropriate metaphor in, but then remembers how immortal children are created and thinks better of it.

Oh yeah. THEY’RE CREATED BY TURNING SMALL CHILDREN INTO VAMPIRES. BASICALLY, DRINKING THEIR BLOOD AND EFFECTIVELY KILLING THEM.

Wait a second. A telephone is calling. The great white telephone.

And the concept of immortal children was never mentioned before. Someone fired the gun without telling us that there’s a gun to be fired in the first place!

Oh, then we have nightmares. Bells needs a shrink.

17. Stereotypes. Enter stage left, cue unfortunate implications, I need say no more.

18. Alice and Renee. Alice is a sister-in-lawzilla. She’s ended up being more of a bridezilla than the actual bride! 

And as for Renee... she’s so OOC about the wedding I think she’s been possessed.

In the Book of Suck, I said I’d insert the relevant gif. So I shall. Anti-marriage person planning a wedding with the groom’s sisterzilla? I think we need a facepalm,

19. Part 1 of Chapter 7. Bella fails at cooking, and is sick and is convinced she’s pregnant. SEVERAL LAWS OF BIOLOGY HAVE BEEN TORN UP AND SET ON FIRE. Also, we have to talk periods. They’re very irregular, especially in the early days. I should know, I’m a woman and can’t predict my periods from one month to the next. If my period was five days late, I wouldn’t assume I was pregnant.

20. Vampire fertility. You can’t have male vampires be fertile and females infertile. Either BOTH are fertile or BOTH are infertile. Anything else is sexist.

So... Bella turns down calling on a local doctor (because needles) and decides to phone Carlisle. And Carlisle decides to tell all the diagnosis to Edward. This has been done on The Archers. It failed there. The pregnant woman’s diagnosis was told to her abusive husband and he used it to guilt trip her.

They split up.

Unlike that pregnancy, Bella’s pregnancy is a genuine accident. 

21. Pregnancy making you want kids. Bells has this happen to her. I quite honestly believe that the “you don’t want kids now? Just wait till you’re pregnant!” argument is a myth. And I actually want children someday.

22. Edward’s reaction. He’s not to thrilled about being a dad. In fact, he wants Bella to have an abortion. He’s basically told Carlisle that’s what’s going to happen, WITHOUT consulting Bella, who is CARRYING THE GOD DAMN BABY! If my RE classes are anything to go by, the father doesn’t have a say in whether an abortion happens or not. And since Bella’s the one carrying the baby, what she says goes. IT’S HER BODY, NOT YOURS YOU IDIOT!

...Urgh.

Anyway. Next week, we’re doing the second Princess Diaries book. It won’t make me sick, I hope. And I hope I’ll have the rubber gloves for part 2.