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noes-pillow · 2 years ago

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✨️@vncsecretsanta 2022 ✨️ HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! this is dedicated to @lostemotion 💙💜

"They Stumbled in the Shackles of Humanity"

| 2.9k | read on ao3 | vanoé angst |

Summary:

Noé was suddenly surrounded in a familiar black smoke. He clutched his unconscious Vanitas closer to his chest, noting how cold the human’s forehead had become.

His eyes narrowed. “Naenia…” he snarled.

The malnomen chuckled to herself and glanced at the body in the vampire’s arms. She then looked back to Noé, and her smile grew.

“Noé Archiviste… Would you like to make a deal?”

-or-

Noé makes a desperate decision in order to save Vanitas' life.

...

Noé held Vanitas’ body as he ran. The human was barely clinging on to life. With every breath, the human shuddered. He didn’t seem to be in pain any longer, but with so much blood loss, that was what had Noé worried.

His human was terrifyingly close to death, yet Noé could do nothing more than run for their lives.

Alleyway after alleyway, Noé attempted to navigate their way to the nearest Paris hospital, to little success. It was unlikely the sand in Vanitas’ hourglass would last that long even if he knew the way.

Noé was drawn to a stop by his exhaustion to catch his breath, get his bearings, and reassess Vanitas’ condition. The poor human’s breaths were becoming further and further apart and much shallower. Noé was afraid each would be his last.

Noé panicked. He was out of options. He had no idea what to do.

Suddenly, a voice from behind startled him.

“Such a strange sight to see a vampire as strong as yourself drenched in the stench of desperation.”

Noé was suddenly surrounded in a familiar black smoke. He clutched his unconscious Vanitas closer to his chest, noting how cold the human’s forehead had become.

His eyes narrowed. “Naenia…” he snarled.

The malnomen chuckled to herself and glanced at the body in the vampire’s arms. She then looked back to Noé, and her smile grew.

“Noé Archiviste… Would you like to make a deal?”

The thought did cross his mind that he might regret responding as quickly as he did, but his lips moved before his brain could even attempt to talk him out of the idea. “What are your terms?”

Naenia contently sighed.

***

Why was it so unbearably hot in here?

Vanitas awoke in his bed and opened his eyes in search of his partner. He found his counterpart across the room sitting on his bed. He looked anxious. His elbows rested on his knees as he sat on the edge of the mattress, hands holding his head, his whole body shaking rhythmically as he nervously tapped the heel of his foot on the floor.

Upon hearing the sheets rustle on Vanitas’ bed, the vampire suddenly looked up toward his human partner.

“Vanitas, you’re awake!”

The human couldn’t find the energy to reply. He still teetered on the edge of consciousness. And a strange pain in his stomach made him feel very ill.

Dehydrated he assumed. And dismissed the thought altogether.

Vanitas’ senses were evidently still very dull as he didn’t even register the vampire gracelessly stomping across the floor to trap him in a hug.

“I’m so relieved!” Noé hugged him tighter.

For some reason, it seemed like Noé was on the verge of tears.

That dramatic baby.

Vanitas was just about to shrug him off when a feeling of intense thirst from his assumed dehydration rushed over him. Before he could pinpoint it, his body acted on impulse. His exhausted brain was too slow to stop him.

Vanitas pulled Noé’s collar to the side, opened his mouth and hungrily bit down on the vampire’s neck…

…and drank.

The pain of the bite startled Noé, and he grabbed Vanitas’ shoulders to push him away.

The room fell into a deep silence.

The pair stared at each other, each equally in shock. Noé stared into Vanitas’ eyes in a look consisting of both fear and confusion. A look Noé had never given him before. And Vanitas scrutinized the red dripping bite mark on Noé’s neck in disgusted awe.

Vanitas looked at Noé. “Why did I…?” He mindlessly glanced back to where he bit before realizing what he was doing. “Impossible.”

In an adrenaline infused bolt of energy, Vanitas pushed Noé out of his way, jumped from the bed, and bolted to the bathroom. He stopped dead in his tracks staring at himself in the mirror, his breath shaking in his throat, and then immediately bent himself over the toilet to vomit.

Between heaves he managed to utter, “My eyes,” another gag, “are red.”

It explained the surprised look Noé had just given him. Regardless, Noé filled a glass of water and offered it to his partner as he knelt next to Vanitas, but he continued to empty the limited contents of his stomach into the toilet. Noé’s blood and his own bile mixed into the water.

After he was done, he glanced at Noé, then to the still dripping bite on his neck, and then shoved him away with all his remaining might. The water glass shattered on the ground.

“Archiviste!” His eyes turned red once again, the same crimson hue as thick as the fury in his voice. “What in the blue moon have you done?” He shoved Noé out of bathroom and pinned him against a wall, pulling a knife at his throat.

“I… I saved your life.” Noé answered, as earnestly as he could.

Vanitas shoved him harder, the wall cracked from the force. He continued to yell. “Then why are my eyes the same color as yours? Why did I unconsciously have the urge to bite you? Why didn’t I bleed to death after losing that much blood?” He pointed to Noé’s stained coat hanging near the front door.

Noé attempted to deescalate. “Does it matter what I did? It only matters that you are alive.”

Vanitas’ eyes glowed an even deeper red. “I will slit your throat, Archiviste.” He paused. “Why am I a vampire?”

Noé bit his cheek. He didn’t exactly know.

“Tell me this very instant or I swear to Luna I will tie a ribbon around your pretty little neck and leave your head as a gift at Dominique’s door.”

Noé knew he’d have to explain eventually. It wasn’t surprising that Vanitas was this angry. His hatred for vampires would obviously make him this disgusted to be one. But he didn’t realize how careless he’d been when he made the deal.

“Naenia.” Noé answered.

A vision shot through Vanitas’ mind like electricity. A vision of a teary eyed and terrified Noé locking lips with the cunning shapeless malady, Naenia. Vanitas’ own body lay lifeless behind them.

“A contract. My true name for your life.” Noé was ashamed of his impulsive decision, but he did not for a moment regret it. If it meant Vanitas was still alive, it was worth it. He continued, “I just didn’t know you were going to wake up like… this.”

Vanitas was still furious, “You didn’t think to write those tiny important details into your stupid little deal?”

Noé looked back into Vanitas’ eyes and firmly shoved him away. His gaze was now just as hurt as he was angry. “Vanitas, you were dying in my arms. How was I supposed to think out all the details while you were bleeding out in front of me?” The anger in his gaze slowly dissolved. “And the deal wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t stupid because you are still alive.”

Vanitas scoffed and walked away. “You’re right. The deal wasn’t stupid,” he pivoted to shoot a fiery look at Noé, “you are.” He sat back on his bed and muttered to himself, “Imbecile.”

Noé heard.

“I knew associating with an Archiviste might get me killed one day, but never did I think you would turn me into this.” Vanitas looked back at Noé, anger still boiling over. He walked over to Noé and pointed a finger in his face, “I wish you would’ve just let me die.”

Pain darted through Noé’s heart.

Vanitas turned away from Noé one last time and walked to his bed without looking at his partner. “Leave. I want to rest, and I don’t want to see you when I wake up.”

Noé hesitated, but then silently ran out the door, slammed it, and made his way only a few steps down the hallway before he collapsed against a wall and began to cry.

How ungrateful.

That was what he wanted to think. But he also wanted to fix this. And wanted to know why Naenia had turned his beloved Vanitas into the one thing the former human hated the most.

Noé took a deep breath and stood. Vanitas didn’t want him to return until after morning. That was okay. It would take him all night to find what he was looking for anyway. Noé would fix this before his partner even woke up or suspected a thing.

Noé continued down the hallway with only one goal in mind.

She couldn’t have gotten far, he thought.

***

“I knew you would return.” Naenia chided. “I told you before. The deal is final, I won’t reverse it.”

“That’s not what I’m here for.” Noé replied.

“Oh?” the cheeky malnomen slithered her way closer to the vampire.

“I want to make another deal.”

“I can always count on you to be shamelessly bold, Noé Archiviste. What do you want this time?”

“I want you to make Vanitas human again.”

Naenia cocked her head in thought.

“And he needs to stay alive. Not revert to the state he was in before you turned him into a vampire.”

“Oh Noé, you were the one who turned him into a vampire. You neglected to be detailed in your agreement.”

Noé bit his tongue. Of course he wasn’t detailed. He was panicked. He was impulsive. He just wanted to find the easiest and fastest method to save his human. He just… made a bit of an oversight.

“Can you even do what I’m asking?”

“For you? Of course! Silly of me for thinking Louis was the way I would obtain your true name when in fact this insignificant human was your weak spot.”

Noé clenched his fist behind his back. He’d never get what he wanted if he reacted to her cruel words.

“The question is, are you willing to give up what it takes to turn him back?”

Noé took a breath, his eyes lit up. “Anything! Just tell me what it is I must give you.”

“Young vampires are so naïve. But your will is impressive. You never cease to surprise me.”

“I will give you anything. Whatever it takes, just tell me what I must do!”

“Noé…” Naenia trailed off. “Long ago, when the Babel incident occurred and vampires were created, the world was led to believe the beasts known as vampires were a species completely separate from humanity.”

Noé listened.

“But what the world seemed to so conveniently forget, was that vampires were created with the ideal human form in mind.”

“I didn’t come here to get a history lesson.” Noé impatiently interrupted. “Don’t waste my time.”

“Fine, leave if you’d like.”

She wasn’t wrong. Noé had nowhere else to go.

Naenia giggled, unable to control her excitement any longer. “I need your humanity.”

“My… humanity?”

“All vampires are still human at their core. Humans were the source code for vampires when they were created in the Babel Incident. The part of the World Formula for humans and vampires remains very similar.”

“The only force that could tame the bloodlustful urges of the vampire beast was the persevering force and will of humanity.” She continued.

“In other words, your humanity is the only thing keeping you sane right now, having lost your true name in our last agreement. It’s the reason why some curse bearers, like your dear Louis, can go unnoticed for some time. It’s the strength and will of their humanity that keeps them from falling into madness.”

Noé contemplated.

“But once that will is exhausted, their humanity is depleted, and they go mad. And any scrap of their identity is consumed by the beast.” Naenia began to laugh again. “And then their true name is mine.”

“I can try to control it.”

Naenia laughed again. “My child, you can sure try.” The shadow of her hand grabbed Noé’s chin and lifted it. “So, what do you say, Noé Archiviste?”

“I will control it. You watch me,” Noé tried to convince himself.

Naenia smiled. “Would you like me to make your Vanitas a normal living human again in return for all your remaining humanity?”

“Yes.”

Another smile. “Deal.”

Naenia leaned down toward Noé’s face. “It was nice knowing you, my ‘Child of the Ark.’”

And thus, Noé’s second deal was sealed.

***

Vanitas had once again awoken in his bed. It was still dark outside. Early morning perhaps. He no longer felt sick or like he was burning up, and his chronic thirst seemed to have subsided on its own. But this time, Noé was nowhere to be found.

Wait

Vanitas ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. His eyes were no longer red.

Just to be sure, Vanitas raked the nails of his glove along the skin of his right forearm and licked the bubbling blood. He looked back to the mirror.

Still no red.

Well, thank the blue moon for that. Was the condition temporary? It must’ve been. Vanitas immediately felt bad for attacking Noé. He should’ve waited before jumping to conclusions and upsetting his partner.

Speaking of which, where was that damn vampire?

At that exact moment, the door to the room shot open.

“Dante?” the human exclaimed.

“Quack! We need you now. And bring your stupid book.”

“I don’t have time, find someone else to neutralize the threat. The chasseurs maybe. I have a more pressing matter at han…”

Vanitas stopped himself as both the human and dhampir knowingly looked at each other as Vanitas realized the reason why Dante must have been so insistent to find him.

That damn vampire.

Vanitas snatched his book from the desk and ran out the door following Dante.

***

Vanitas followed the carnage. This wake of destruction was the largest he had seen of any curse bearer in his entire time working as a vampire doctor.

It made sense knowing the immense strength of the vampire who made this mess.

And there he was. A shell of his former self. A vampire without his humanity.

Vanitas drew the book from it’s holster to wield it toward Noé’s cursed form and… why wouldn’t it open?

Vanitas ripped off his left glove and stared at his forearm.

The mark.

Luna’s mark was gone.

He ripped off his other glove. Not there either.

He stared into the window of a nearby shop and stopped.

His eyes were indeed no longer red. But they weren’t blue either.

They were black.

The same shade as when he first met Moreau. There was no trace of the Vampire of the Blue Moon or their blood left in his body.

He was human. A normal human.

And the book was useless to him now.

Noé couldn’t be saved.

It was in that moment that Vanitas realized that the part of his identity he thought was unclean or tainted by vampire blood, was the only remaining part of him that made up his identity as the human named “Vanitas.”

In regaining his full humanity, the identity he had developed over all these years was lost.

He was just a normal human now. But didn’t feel like one. He felt like a fraud.

A doctor without his tools and skills was no longer a doctor.

A vampire’s companion without his vampire was no longer a companion.

The human had sought to keep his humanity for so long he never stopped to think if being completely human was what he truly wanted. So much of his life had been affected by vampires: the ones that killed his father, the one that saved him, and the one in front of him now that he could no longer save.

A part of him had been vampire all this time. And now that part was gone. As if his entire purpose was meaningless and existence a lie.

“Vanitas,” as the world knew him, no longer existed.

Maybe being a vampire wouldn’t have been so bad. Not when he’d still have Noé. But he didn’t realize until now. The identity he had been searching for wasn’t to be human. It was to be with Noé.

But now the normal, powerless human was just alone.

So, what was he supposed to do now?

“Vanitas…” a voice growled.

The voice drew the human from his stupor.

The curse-stricken vampire had recognized the familiar presence and struggled to speak but he continued. He really was trying to keep ahold of any remaining scrap of his humanity. “I’m sorry.”

Vanitas.

With Luna’s mark gone, how could he dare call himself by that name anymore.

The vampire who was a little too human and the human who was a little too vampire. Both reduced to the extremes of their identities. And both utterly unrecognizable as a result.

It’s only once you get what you want that you may discover you never wanted it at all.

The human had now reached a conclusion.

When he was a chasseur trainee there was only one other way to dispatch a rogue vampire.

The black-eyed human without a name drew his knife as he charged toward the shell of Noé Archiviste. “No, Noé. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Identity is a powerful thing. But a lack thereof can be even more dangerous.

Dante watched in horror as the next few seconds unfolded.

fin

#title is a quote from HG Wells' 'The Island of Doctor Moreau'#vncsecretsanta #vnc secret santa 2022 #vnc #the case study of vanitas #vanitas #vanitas no carte #noé archiviste #vanoé #vnc fanfic #my writing #they stumbled in the shackles of humanity #naenia #dante

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