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#i finally managed to put this down
haunted-xander · 2 months
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Who's the "real" me?
+ some references for the Rise-related things I included <3
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#im reaaaally happy with this one hehe i had fun putting the stuff from different things shes had/worn#i feel like ppl overlook the massive identity crisis & the accompanying depression & internal conflict rise is going through during the gam#like shes trying to figure out who she is seperate from her idol image (which she constantly still clings to despite her insistance that sh#s done with it bc she does still crave that recognition and attention she got from that position. she literally breaks down crying when her#manager tells her kanami has taken her acting role and is more-or-less set to take her spot now)#and then she also struggles with finding what she wants to do with herself now that she doesnt have showbiz to worry about#i think she kinda unintentionally uses the investigation as an anchor for her to hold onto#something to keep her busy in the absence of the hustling idol life#and then she also like. again she keeps clinging to the idol image and the associated bubbly-ness and bold flirtation#because thats the ''her'' ppl liked#i dont think the way she acts during the game is ENTIRELY an act theres definitely a lot of her true self in it too#but she does have a lot of moments where she leans more heavily into the bubbly & flirty cutie act#her sl shows that for all that she wanted to retire from showbiz she isnt really ready just yet#bc she did actually enjoy being an idol. she did enjoy being able to reach out to people in this way & to finally have ppl like & accept he#the problem is she doesnt know who ''she'' is at this point#im rambling but u get my point. yeah. yeah#rise..............#rise kujikawa#persona#persona 4#p4#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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gunsatthaphan · 1 month
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"is something wrong?"
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canisalbus · 9 months
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To me, Machete kind of has the energy of a secondary villain/coldhearted side character in someone else's story that a lot of fans latch onto, moreso than the protagonist. Question is, would he be the villain in anyone's story?
Why, thank you! I'm actually glad to hear he gives off that vibe. I don't think he set out to become a villain but a lot of people certainly view him as one.
#in the 16th century canon he starts out as an introverted but sincerely well meaning guy that never quite manages to find his social niche#he was a sensitive kid and when subjected to enough pressure#his insecurity fearfulness and powerlessness mutate into distrust resentment aggression suffocating repression and self-restraint#I don't think he's a bad person in fact he consistently tries very hard to do the right thing#do his job properly avoid letting people down and get through life with a sense of dignity#but he is supposed to come across kind of cold impersonable and difficult to be around if you don't know him personally (and very few do)#people can sense there's something wrong with him and are put off by it#Vatican is a nest of vipers and as the stakes rise he retreats deeper into his coldblooded untouchable work persona#he has no choice but to start lying scheming blackmailing and eliminating his enemies#in order to maintain his position keep Vasco safe their relationship under wraps and his own head above water#essentially playing by the same rules everyone else in the holy see has been playing with for centuries#eventually he loses his spot as the secretary of state and is manipulated/forced to take on a role in the roman inquisition#and if people were sort of iffy about him before being the authority overseeing trials torture excommunications and executions doesn't help#and since he has so few allies and such an infamous reputation he's an easy target for scapegoating whenever necessary#towards the end it dawns on him that he's become the kind of twisted cruel corrupt person he used to fear and despise#and the guilt moral injury and abject self-loathing had largely sapped him of his will to live by the time the final assassin gets him#answered#anonymous#Machete#Vaschete lore#he thought his dream of priesthood would make him a better person more worthy of admiration safety and love but he climbed too high#and got roped up in the dangerous games that take place under god's nose and slowly got strangled to death
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drawnfamiliarfaces · 5 months
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<< First - < Prev - here - Next? >
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lalalaugenbrot · 3 months
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Musst keine Angst haben. Jeder hat mal so angefangen.
Coming Out (1989), dir. Heiner Carow
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meimoons-arts · 9 months
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WIP Animatic of "At All Costs"
Asha (Wish 2023) and Star (human form)
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waywardsalt · 26 days
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anyways. my very first attempt at malenia
#elden ring#my post#this starts late (?) bc i didnt want to get the cutscene in the clip but fumbled to start the recording bc she does kinda rush you#and i was not at all prepared#anyways im genuinely tempted to just write a long post dumping my thoughts on malenia and her fight and how im puzzling through it#ive reached peak intrinsic motivation elden ring#the only reason why i probably should wait to make the post is bc ive only gotten as far as first phase half health#i have another recording thats abt a minute and a half long attempt and i gave it a few tries today#its worth mentioning that the night before i decided to finally start fighting malenia i told my friend (who managed to beat her) that bc#a lot of the last few endgame bosses didnt take me too long to beat i was worried that malenia wouldnt take me very long#and he just told me she would throw me into a meat grinder. and i lasted 12 seconds against her after that intro cutscene#anyways the fact that she's a very straightforward and easy to see boss makes it very easy to break her down and figure out how she#works n why she's hard and figure out a plan and everything i really like it. no particle effects just some sparks and sword trail lines#i keep getting caught by her flurry attack n today my plan (while talking to my friend) was to figure out why i kept getting caught by#it despite it being very obviously telegraphed n then putting together why i struggle with it. its REALLY fun to think technically abt her#anyways. fun part abt me getting killed by the grab + impale is that i honestly wasnt sure if that was actually implemented in the game#bc id never seen it in gameplay and. here we go. ten seconds in there it is
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dreamlogic · 3 months
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...
#ctxt#charlie vs mail#ooooohhhhhh my god just let me fucking work alreadyyyyyy#Job Got but now they're like...#well since you had a medical issue within the last 5 years we need a doctor's note confirming you're recovered enough to work#and if we don't get it by X date we'll assume you're no longer interested in the position & nuke you from orbit#like i do get it they're feds & bureaucracy reigns supreme.#& having disability documented will make it easier to get accommodations down the line if needed#but god it's frustrating that i've spent the last 2+ years LITERALLY BEGGING PLEADING W/ EMPLOYERS & DOCTORS TO BELIEVE THAT I'M DISABLED#had to see 4 doctors & go through 3 bosses before i found a provider willing to help me & get work accommodations#and now that i'm finally mostly healed from surgical complications & back to being more or less able-bodied...#NOW they wanna put me under a microscope & be like 'are you suuuuuuure you can really do this job?? PROVE IT.'#bitch i wouldn't have applied in the first place if i wasn't confident that i'm far enough along in recovery to do the damn thing#two extremes on the spectrum i guess#from 'pissing on the clock during an 8.5 hr shift? unnecessary. stop faking or we'll fucking fire you'#to 'sure ur surgery was over 2 years ago & ur almost ready to graduate PT & ur symptoms are effectively managed.... BUT ARE THEY?????'#like i guess i'm grateful that they seem to take health issues seriously. & i do want my dr's honest opinion if i can handle a physical job#at the same time this is the most obnoxiously arduous onboarding process i've ever endured & i wanna bite someone
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brittlebutch · 11 months
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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reticent-fate · 3 months
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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sysig · 1 year
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Hey, it’s not inaccurate! As advertised! (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
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mikimeiko · 2 years
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1899 | Season 1 (2022)
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thedreadvampy · 10 months
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so me and Sam FINALLY watched the last season of Capaldi's Who
and tell me how, after literally over a decade and for perhaps the first time in his fucking career, Steven Moffat wrote a not just tolerable but really actually good two-parter and fully stuck the landing. like the editing and pacing were still a bit off but the storyline was original, fun, interesting and emotionally invested, and most importantly, rather than ending on a damp fart or the most furious autofellatio in history, the final part didn't fumble it and ended in a way that felt emotionally satisfying and like it made sense for the characters. like the last time he successfully wrapped up a multiparter in a way that didn't feel cheap and hollowly disappointing to me was literally The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, and a) that was in 2005 and b) tbh The Doctor Dances is about a tenth as compelling and memorable as The Empty Child.
so after 12 years of either hackery or great ideas that fall apart in the second act, Steven Moffat writes what I would genuinely consider to be a memorable Good Doctor Who serial. it ends with bittersweet pathos, a solid closer for all the main characters, and sends Moffat's showrunning career out on a genuine high despite failing ratings and budget cuts (and the fact Doctor Who hasn't been consistently good since about 2009). good job Steve. with grudging respect I admit you pulled it out of the bag on this one.
wait what's this there's one more episode left? and it stars Mark Gatiss? and you literally spend the whole episode inexplicably just shitting all over the legacy of Doctor Who by inventing a version of the First Doctor that bears literally no resemblance to the character that William Hartnell actually played, just so you can spend the whole episode saying misogynistic things to run yourself off to how much more Totally Feminist your version was than the version you made up in your head of what Doctor Who was like in the 60s? and it added literally nothing to the season except to take all the wind out of the sails of the actually good finale you already wrote?
even when he writes a good episode this fucker still finds ways to disappoint me.
#red said#as I remembered it is by a LONG shot the best that Doctor Who has been under Moffat and I do think giving Capaldi more creative control#helped a lot. cause he's a massive nerd and also he approximately knows how to construct a story.#bill is the first female companion Moffat has ever written with an actual fucking personality#(even if being mean that personality is maybe kind of just what you'd get if you put rose Martha and Donna in a blender)#(at least she's not a blank slate with the words SASSY. SEXY. written on it)#matt Lucas is genuinely surprising bc despite hating the man it's kind of impossible to not like Nardole by the end??#michelle gomez finally gets some room to get her Anthony Ainley on and be the Master PROPERLY#i was hooting and clapping my hands at the John Sim Master's dumb disguise#like the cast is GREAT#(and while he still can't shut the fuck up about her at least Moffat isn't shoving River fucking Song down my throat 24/7)#buuuuuuuut uhhhh the politics are. incoherent and the vibes are rancid in a lot of the episode plots.#they clearly WANT to do Social Commentary but weirdly keep bringing up colonialism and capitalism and then taking the side of the baddies?#how are you doing to do a piece about the British Empire colonising Mars with a posh villain and a whole comparison to the British Raj#then come down on the side of the British state? same with the ninth legion piece? and the zombie spacesuit one is fun#but it wraps up with 'and then they complained to upper management and capitalism ended forever the end'#uhhhhh in the one with the microbot colony again we conclude the Morally Correct Answer is colonialism#don't get me started on the monks plot which is a) literally just ripping off the Year That Never Was but without the emotional impact#but also b) has some really weird and genuinely fucked up ideas about both geopolitics and uhhhh consent????#so yeah the philosophical core is either incoherent or Fucking Horrendous in almost every episode#it's frequently derivative but tbh that's often to its benefit bc it vibes like trying to figure out what actually makes episodes memorable#and the budget is clearly cut to the bone bc the visual effects look worse than 2005 and the post edits are really weird and janky#like the pacing and ordering is weirdly off and a lot of the shot to shot transitions are awkward or confusing.#plus the sound design in the first few eps is. unhinged. it sounds like offbrand versions of standard stings it's all just Slightly Wrong#but for real i liked it more than I've liked any other season of Moffat Who. it's messy incoherent and often politically INFURIATING#but it has some actual heart and energy. and it feels like doctor who. and i would say moffat is spending like 10% as much time#wanking over his own past triumphs (and Alex Kingston)#and a lot more time like. trying to write something which works. he's not like successful 100% of the time. or even 50%.#but there's a lot more warmth and creativity. mackie capaldi and lucas have actual chemistry as a core cast#and i think it helps that everyone in the core cast is SO PSYCHED TO BE THERE. like it just wasn't a slog like all Moffat's other seasons.
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mylittleredgirl · 2 years
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What is your Hogwarts house?
kind of a suspicious question to ask a stranger in the year two thousand and twenty three
i don't have one, because i was never into harry potter. if i did, i would have renounced it by now, because so many trans people in our community have specifically said, repeatedly, that identifying ourselves by hogwarts houses on tumblr either marks us as unsafe people or makes us indistinguishable from them.
asking a tumblr user who has never mentioned reading harry potter about their hogwarts house feels like offering a terf secret handshake.
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acridid-s · 1 month
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I swear to fucking god, if they don't hire some new employees soon, and if that one coworker doesn't come back to help out already, I will lose my fucking mind.
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kutyozh · 3 months
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took me all day to sit my ass down to work on my paper and when I finally did I was not only able to focus for longer than I had planned to, I also churned out a paragraph that I'm very proud of 🥹
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