#bc she did actually enjoy being an idol. she did enjoy being able to reach out to people in this way & to finally have ppl like & accept he

[haunted-xander]

Who's the "real" me?

+ some references for the Rise-related things I included <3

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

[mewberii]

Streamer!Scaramouche [2]

thanks for all the support in the first part! i wrote a second part where scaramouche plays genshin + the reader comes in (i tried to make it as gender neutral as possible, so let me know if there’s something off!). you’re a close friend of scaramouche and also a voice actor!

i had been planning this since i wrote the first part, but because i was busy and uninspired i couldn’t finish it. but here it is and it’s actually pretty long (over 5k words...)! i hope you guys will like this!! obviously he’s a little nicer than he is in game but,,, for the sake of the plot + it being a modern au, it had to be done sjnfdskjf

He was selected to play the beta for genshin because of his popularity and tbh he really wanted to play it

The game hadn’t really caught his eye all that much when he first heard about it but he saw how everyone online went crazy over it (plus other streamers who also were selected to play it in early access kept talking about it) and he became more curious to know what it would be like and if it’d live to everyone’s expectations

However he couldn’t really play it until it was officially released because he had a very busy schedule, and when he saw other streams of people playing it he was,,, lowkey jealous because it did look fun

When it was finally released and the game finished downloading and installing, he went live right away

And since so many people were looking forward to seeing him play plus the game was getting so popular so fast, that stream of when he first played hit his biggest milestone of live viewers ever

ANYWAYS skip forward to further into the game

when it comes to the gacha,,,

we’ve established that this boy is loaded. he won’t hesitate to throw some big amounts of money at the game to get every single character and weapon he wants and get their constellations to the max

i feel like he’d make little bets (and it works as a way to thank the chat for the support) like “if i get (insert newest character) in the first 50 pulls, i will gift 50 subs”

he’d be SOOOOOOO LUCKY it’d make everyone who doesn’t play think that it must be very easy to get the 5 stars or that the drop rate must be very high,,,

so in the end he’d have to gift the subs and it’d be funny to see the chat go absolutely crazy because everyone is commenting at the same time trying to see if they got lucky too and got the sub

but the chat goes so fast that they can’t even see their own comment after they send it sNDJGDJSK 

he’d end up turning subs mode on for a while because it goes crazy

and that’s when he’d see people going “I GOT THE SUB-” all excited and he can’t help but chuckle and congratulate them for being one of the lucky ones

probably another game he can use to play with some subs once in a while! they could play co-op and when he’s a very high level he’d go to the worlds of some of his subs with lower level to help them with whatever they need

SO, LITTLE SKIP HERE

this is where i want the reader to slide into the picture

you’d be a voice actor, and also you have been a friend of his for a very long time

he met you even before he started streaming and you were always so supportive of him, as he was of every and each of your dreams

in fact, he would have invited you over more than once to stream with him

people don’t say anything bc they’re afraid of scaramouche banning them (it’s happened before) + they understand it can be disrespectful... but…

some people lowkey ship you two a little bit,,,,,, you didn’t hear it from me. scaramouche don’t ban me----

so one day he’s making another livestream playing genshin (sponsored by mihoyo to promote the newest update and event) and they’re going to release a new character 

AND he has told everyone that you are the voice actor of the new character, who will be introduced in the event and is also getting their own banner

so everyone is very curious of what they’ll be like, if scaramouche will try to get them (obviously he will, he has every single character…. the amount of money he has put into the game…. just thinking of it gives me the heebie-jeebies) 

could he even,,, main them,,,,

spoiler: he won’t because he’ll stay honest till the end (and no hard feelings) but there are other characters that he has built up to the max just like them and still work better with the way he plays but he’ll still find a chance to use them often

he didn’t know anything of what the character you voiced would be like because you wanted to keep it a surprise and he knew his audience would enjoy seeing his first reactions

I think the character you voice in the game would have the role that Scaramouche has in the actual game, and their design would be fairly similar (maybe similar color palette) to the design fans made for him as a genshin character (the one i mentioned that he uses for popup notifs of subscriptions and all!)

needless to say he’d absolutely love their personality and the charisma you showed in their lines

of course when he finally gets them he shows everything about them including all their voice lines and he compliments y/n’s voice acting… that was the first time people suspected that....

mayhaps… scaramouche….

has feelings for you....

it’s in the soft gaze in his eyes,,, the gentle smile on his lips,,, his soft voice when saying “I think this one is my favorite line of theirs”

and just how BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL his laugh sounds when someone comments he should invite you and ask you to do that voiceline live for him and everyone else

he’d jokingly reach for his phone and be like “should i call them? i could” 

(but he wouldn’t because he doesn’t want to disturb you, you may be busy, considering you still hadn’t replied to the messages he sent to you before he started the stream a few hours ago)

if anyone dares be mean to you saying you got the chance to voice act for genshin just bc of scaramouche

or implies that he did something to get you there he’ll get quite mad even tho he won’t speak up about it (he might if enough people say it) 

people can see something shift in his gaze,,,, and he bans them permanently right away

it’d be kinda funny when he does those “reading unban requests” streams and he goes past immediately rejecting people who said those kind of stuff, not even reading the apologies JSNKJFNDSJKGNSDK

some people say he’s too strict about it but literally his stream his rules. people who don’t like him should just not watch him

and people who like him should NOT speak badly about you or doubt your talent and effort, which is what brought you that opportunity in the first place

one day he’d be streaming playing the game, he had been using your character and gathering materials to get their last ascension

and at one point he’d grab his phone and look at the screen for a second before putting it back down and saying he had planned something else for tonight besides playing genshin for a while

then, the doorbell would ring (before he could even close the game-) and it’d be heard from his setup room so people in the chat heard it and they’re all like???

it’s definitely not takeout because scaramouche never orders takeout when he’s on his own, he usually cooks for himself and just orders it when he’s with friends and they all feel like eating something different

actually, offtopic, but i have a feeling he’d be very responsible when it comes to food and like he’d cook himself proper meals all perfectly balanced and all- he could afford having someone cook for him but his house = his privacy and personal space so he’d rather do it himself

it’s like, past 10pm, so no way it would be a package or mail at that time

and then he says “we have a visitor tonight”

and then the chat goes crazy saying “CHILDE” “HARBINGERS” but mostly “Y/N!??!?/PLEASE LET IT BE Y/N”

AND IT WAS YOU!!!!

and omg you brought takeout--------

it had been a while since they had seen you in scaramouche’s stream and you didn’t have your own channel (even though there were many people who encouraged you to open one)

SO everyone was very excited

i feel like scaramouche wouldn’t be the biggest fan of eating on camera so you guys would put the food away so that you can eat it later on your own without an audience

and you two would just spend a while talking to the chat, watching videos

AND reviewing fanart and fanmade content together!! it’d be so cute especially fanarts of the two of you together, little animatics or comics of funny clips or memes from his streams of you two,,,

someone made a little felt plushie of the genshin character you voiced and the way you COOED because it was SO cute

only those who were truly paying attention were able to notice the soft smile on scaramouche’s lips and the way he looked at you as you gushed over how cute the little plushie is and how talented the person who made it is!!

also you’d tell him you saw signora make a stream where she talked to some of her fans on discord individually to give them advice on their life/problems (nothing too serious) and it was very funny and you wanted to do that with him someday

and he’s like “that… could be a huge mess. people could say some crazy stuff” and you’re like “NO but i talked to her about it and she said she got her mods to talk to them first and approve them before they moved them up to the channel where she was to talk to her”

and he’s like “still…….. what if people lie and then when they get to talk to us they say something-”

and you’re like “BOY!!!! DO YOU NOT TRUST YOUR FANS *GASP*” and everyone in the chat is also going “GASP” “HE DOESN’T TRUST US…” “IS THIS YOUR IDOL…..?” “SAY SORRY” (all good fun, obviously he’d love to talk to everyone if he could make sure there won’t be anything disrespectful said)

SO!!!!! you two say you’ll plan to do something like that soon and everyone is very excited, they can already tell it’ll be both super cute and hilarious

before he ends the stream, you two watch some videos together

some are about some upcoming videogames and he talks about them and what he knows and explaining things to you... he is.. so knowledgeable…

the way you look at him as he goes into a little rant about it… cinematic parallels with the way he looked at you before

ONCE AGAIN, people aren’t blind. they notice. but they keep it to themselves bc scary scara (the way i had to resist overusing this one joke with his name-)

so the stream ends and you two walk out of the setup room to go to his living room and eat the takeout you brought while watching something on tv

he apologises because the food is cold now, but you brush it off saying it’s ok, you had missed being on his streams and you two can just heat up the food again

he doesn’t look at you in the eyes as he mutters that you know you can join his streams whenever, and instead just says it as he makes his way to the kitchen to heat the food

you join him in the kitchen soon after and tell him you also bought something for dessert and put it in the fridge already before

and honestly he didn’t know how much he wanted to eat that dessert until it was in his fridge, so he can’t stop himself from sighing and saying “god, i love you”

there’s silence for a second, right as the microwave beeps as it finished heating the food

it feels eternal to him, but you immediately started laughing and said jokingly “of course you do! you’re welcome!” 

he’s happy you took it as a joke because that’s not how he planned to confess (he didn’t plan to confess anytime soon in the first place) but at the same time ?? he’s lowkey offended inside because? you took it as a joke?? is it so unrealistic that you wouldn’t even think that he meant it romantically?

it’s at that moment that he realises that if he didn’t want to confess before, now he does.

he wouldn’t want anyone to know about how he let that slip because he’s sure no one in you two’s friend group even knows he likes you

but you,,, actually,,,,, were actually caught off guard too because scaramouche wasn’t precisely one for words of affection and he showed his care for everyone with his actions

in fact, you had never heard him say those words before but well- it was kinda nice- if only he meant it as you feel it- but he couldn’t, right? who’d confess their feelings so casually while looking at a dessert in the fridge with desire-------

that night, it gets pretty late and to be honest he’s a little too tired to drive you home as he usually would, so he asks if you’d like to sleep over

it wouldn’t be your first time doing so, not even the first time you stayed unplanned, and he had a couple guest rooms that you could use so you accepted

also, staying for longer meant you could keep watching some more of that series with him without worrying about it getting late

or,,,

“actually” you said in a low voice, almost a whisper, since it was getting late and you two had been in complete silence while watching the series “i lowkey still wanted to stream some more”

he scoffs but then lets out a short chuckle, replying in the same volume

“it’s past 2am, who’s going to watch me stream now?”

“i would” have mercy for his poor heart- “but i’d be the streamer too this time so it doesn’t count” 

“what even would we do”

“can we play that co-op game you played with childe? it was so much fun” 

had you not brought it up, he wouldn’t have offered that ever because? if he had recently played it with childe he didn’t want to stream it again and make it feel repetitive for his audience 

(jokes on him because when genshin came out they put up with it being the only thing he streamed for over a week. they’d rewatch any game if it’s you two playing it)

but to be honest, he didn’t really want to stream anymore that day and just wanted to be with you, just you and no one else

he got up from the couch and walked towards the hallway, making you look up to him in confusion for a second, but then started getting excited knowing this meant he was going to let you play it with him

“i don’t really feel like streaming anymore today, but we can still play it. let’s go”

the next day, you two wake up around the same time and make breakfast together

scaramouche i feel is not very talkative in the mornings 

in fact, i feel like he’s just not the most talkative in general. he’s more the type to listen, but it’s different during his streams because he’s doing what he loves and talking about what he loves

and when it comes to you and he talks more it’s because he’s talking to who he loves----

before you’re going to leave and you’re standing at the door about to say goodbye to him, he suddenly speaks up before you can

“do you want to go somewhere tomorrow?”

you raise your eyebrows in curiosity from the sudden request, but then smile at him and nod

“yeah sure! what do you have in min-”

“it’s a date” he said, interrupting you, which was weird enough of him (since he would never interrupt you), but his words were even weirder-

“h-huh?” you felt the heat rising to your cheeks, and scaramouche just repeated his words

on the outside, he looked so casual and just, confident- bUT INSIDE he was actually panicking a little bit 

but just a little bit.

After a moment, you smiled at him again, this time somewhat more shily but also excited for your date!

“I look forward to it”

Just with that, you two knew you had made the first step

You weren’t just friends anymore

You two had hung out on your own many times before, in fact and as it was mentioned before, you two had even slept over at his house or yours many times before

but it had all always been purely platonic, and you guys had never even questioned that aspect of it even after realising you had romantic feelings for each other

he’d spend the rest of the day thinking of what you could do the next day, as if he hadn’t been brainstorming for ideas all night either

i feel like he hasn’t gone in many (if not any--) dates before

solely because he has never been interested in romance plus he had never liked someone or at least, not as much as he liked you

and even when he found out he felt something for you, he just always told himself he was okay with how things were, because he’d never experienced anything beyond friendship and didn’t feel the need to try and maybe ruin the friendship

SO he didn’t have many ideas of what a good date could be

he definitely didn’t want a cliché corny date, but he really didn’t have any idea of what was good enough for a date

(and if for future dates you want something he’d consider a “”cliché corny date”” he’d do it for you and actually enjoy it)

the last thing he wanted was to have to ask you what you could do for your date

1- because he didn’t want to show you any side of him that didn’t look like he always has everything under control and he’s always composed (as if you wouldn’t want to see every side of him, even his most vulnerable sides- you’d have to work on that with him when you two become official)

2- he… kind of wanted to surprise you…..

but it really got to the point where he really didn’t know what you’d like the most (or what he’d like the most too) and what he wanted most over anything else is to not disappoint you in you two’s first date

SO he finally texted you asking if there was anything special you wanted to do (and therefore indirectly admitting he……….. just really wanted to ask you out. so much he did it without thinking of what he’d do if you said yes--)

you didn’t seem to mind, and in fact you were happy he asked for your opinion 

overall, scaramouche was very independent so he wasn’t one to ask others for advice, opinions or anything, much less for help regarding anything

“how long has it been since we last went to the arcade? we could go there! i heard from childe that they added new games!”

and he’s like !?!?!?? THAT…. is…….. the perfect idea

“that actually sounds perfect” he admitted, and the message brought a big smile to your face 

“just don’t get mad at me when you lose at all of them” he sent right after, teasing you, and you couldn’t help but let out a laugh out loud

“the last time i won in your favorite game” you reminded him, and even after he read your message, he took a little bit to reply

(he needed a second to put the pieces of his pride together SJNFKJDS)

“don’t get used to it, it won’t happen again”

“we will see about that” the more you two joked like this, the more excited you got thinking about tomorrow

scaramouche was sure now that it’d be a great first date that you’d both remember forever

the next day, it was almost the time for the date and scaramouche was going to pick you up at your house

i feel like scaramouche would be very fashionable and even in his style he doesn’t try to hide that he’s loaded…

not that he cares about buying cheap clothes, literally he’d say if he likes it and it’s good (aka it’s not cheap because it’s made of something that won’t make it last longer than 3 weeks) he’ll get it

but it just so happens that many times… the clothes he likes most are from famous brands…

AND THIS DAY!!!!!! he’s putting together one of his favorite outfits because it’s a special day

it almost hurts me just how nonchalant he’d look on the outside, making it a little hard to know exactly just how much this date meant to him (because as i said he’s not one to be very vocal about his feelings or even his thoughts)

BUT i trust that you… since you know him well…. can see past all that and you know that this is not just anything casual to him. this is special.

STILL!!!! he’d try his best to not let the blush rise to his cheeks and show, as well as to not let his voice shake when he complimented that you looked very good

ANYWAYS i think i think Scaramouche wouldn’t be one for big pda

the most he’d do where anyone can see is hold your hand or put his arm around your waist

WHICH IS WHY he’d try to be all smooth (and he would manage) reaching for your hand and lacing his fingers with yours

he wouldn’t make eye contact because then he’s sure it’ll show on his face that he’s getting somewhat flustered, but he’d still ask if you’re okay with it, to which you said yes

the area where the arcade was is always somewhat crowded so when you two were getting there, scaramouche would tighten the grip on your hand a little bit to make sure you wouldn’t let go and you’d be pulled apart by people trying to walk past however they can

you know that if you two got serious about your relationship, he would want to be the first person to share the news with his fans

BUT since he was so popular now, you two lived in a pretty big city and now were at a popular area (+ scaramouche wouldn’t be the type to try and hide his identity because he’s never had people make a fuss when they recognise him)

you were a little worried someone would see you two and maybe take a picture and post it online and it’d go viral before he can admit it himself

because of that, you end up throwing back to him the question he had asked when he held your hand 

“are you sure this is okay?”

your question confused him because he didn’t know what you mean, so he finally looked you in the eyes and waited for you to explain further

“it’s just- what if somebody sees us and recognises you?”

he looked away from you and back at where he was going, taking a few seconds to answer before he just shrugged

“i don’t care”

you softly let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as you waited for him to say something, and almost missed the way he whispered

“as long as it doesn’t affect you”

for someone who seemed and actually tried to seem to self-sufficient, who appreciated his friends but was also okay on his own because he was absolutely comfortable with himself, he was actually…

more selfless than people would ever know, especially when it came to you

you two would have SO much fun in the arcade, trying every single game many times

this time though, scaramouche won in his favorite game so he lived up to his words

you two won so many tickets you literally didn’t even know what to do with them once you got the couple prizes you were interested in

you bumped into a couple fans of his, so you talked for a while

once again, you were met with suggestions of opening your own streaming channel, and even scaramouche said “i’ve told them that many times too, but they always say they think their streams won’t be fun enough”

and the fans are like “NO!! literally everyone thinks you’re super nice and fun!! of course you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but we’d love it!!”

one of the fans (exaggerating a little as a joke) said “i’ll be your number 1 fan i swear” and the three of you laughed, except scaramouche who just scoffed and smirked 

“i am ALREADY their number one fan. but good try” <- scaramouche in his head. say it outloud u coward.

but at the same time it was a joke scaramouche chill pretty much everyone knows you’re their number one fan……. even though you think you’re so smooth………. they just don’t say anything 

they were very nice and fun to talk to and you knew scaramouche and you didn’t really want anything else from the prizes, so you offered you two’s tickets to them

“we don’t really need these anymore so maybe you’ll have more use for them!!”

they got SO excited, the way their eyes lit up :( scaramouche is convinced you’re an angel but he’s also very happy to see how joyful his fans got because those were more than enough for the prize they really wanted-

so after that cute little interaction and having used up your energy for competition, you two leave and think of buying some ice cream or a milkshake or something to end the date nicely and to enjoy while you walk back home

the arcade was not exactly very close to where you two lived (it was far from your house, but even farther from his-) so he asked if you were okay with walking back or if you two should get an uber or something, to which you said you were okay

walking back with him meant!! a little more time you could spend with him

and he was happy you said that because he was feeling the same way and still didn’t want the day to end

we’ll see more about the kind of things he likes and dislikes if he’s released as a playing character BUT FOR NOW i really get this vibe that he’d LOVE boba tea

i even think he’d?? enjoy tea in general??? classy boy…

SO you two would end up going to get some boba 

it was very touching how, when reading the flavors they had that day, he suddenly and casually went “oh, they have your favorite” and you looked at the one he was pointing at and !!! indeed it was your favorite!!!!!!!

he remembers this kind of details very well

you take the chance to talk some more as you’re walking home

scaramouche asks about your job with voice acting and you tell him that you actually have been recording some new lines for your genshin character lately because in the next update there’ll be an event involving them

he’s looking forward to it but he teases you a little asking if it’s okay for you to spoil him with such information

but it’s okay because it’s not like he’d tell anyone, especially knowing it could get you in trouble

when he drops you off at your house, he has a hard time saying goodbye

literally you’re standing at your door and he’s in front of you, a couple steps away, looking away from you

you don’t say goodbye either, mainly because you know scaramouche is working the courage to say something, and you can also sort of guess what he wants to say

you think of saying it first, but then think that it would make scaramouche proud to be honest about his feelings and confess first

“i’ve liked you for a long time”

you can’t help the smile that makes its way onto your face, unconsciously reaching a hand up to slightly cover it

“i feel the same way” you replied to him in a soft voice

he took a deep breath and exhaled it softly, finally lifting up his gaze and making eye contact with you

it was already dark outside, so you couldn’t appreciate the faint rosy blush on his cheeks well

“can i kiss you?”

your eyes widened for a second, not expecting him to ask and if anything, thinking he’d just step forward and do it

so you were a little embarrassed and caught off-guard to reply properly, so you just nodded and put your hand down as he took the last couple steps and his face was right in front of yours

he’d cup your cheek in one of his hands, feeling the warmth of your skin

you closed your eyes, and he looked at you for a second longer before he finally leaned in and closed the short distance that separated your lips

at that moment you both knew that you had been missing on so much more when you two just settled and were content with your friendship

but!! that was about to change now, so it was all worth it

after that, scaramouche would make clear that this would be the first day of your relationship!! and even if he didn’t say it with words, you could just feel his happiness!!

so!! after that, because of work you two got a little busy the next couple months so dates weren’t very frequent 

or at least, they weren’t dates like the one you first had

but still whenever you two were free he’d go over to your house, or you’d come over to his to play, stream together, or literally just spend time together doing anything

he wouldn’t let people know you two had started dating straight away (if anything, only his other streamer friends -aka you two’s friends in common- knew)

but the day he said it, he wanted you to be there

SO one day you two were streaming and you were currently reacting to one fanart of you two together

so he looked at you and you made eye contact and it was like you two spoke with your eyes like

“do we tell them now”

“let’s tell them.”

so scaramouche would clear his throat and without closing the fanart, he’d say he has something he wanted to announce

everyone was excited thinking it’d be some new project, maybe involving you

maybe some merch??? and the fanarts had reminded him of it???????

BUT THEN he straightforwardly said

“y/n and i are dating”

and everyone goes aBSOLUTELY CRAZY

amidst the chaos, you two catch a comment saying “will you unban the people who shipped you two” and you laugh

and you look at each other like “did you read that one?” “yeah”

and scaramouche is like “yeah, i guess i will have to unban some people”

and when some get unbanned they’re like “fREEDOM!!!!”

and jokingly they’re all like “APOLOGISE!!!!!!!! SAY SORRY!!!” so he just laughs and you join them being like “!!! apologise!!! you banned them for it and!! look at you now!!”

so he ends up trying to hold in another laugh as he mutters a halfassed ‘sorry’ and everyone starts commenting claps and hearts and celebrating that he apologised. now justice has been made.

the rest of that stream suddenly feels livelier and brighter!! you two are laughing a lot and so is everyone in the chat!! 

and also the new genshin event would’ve already just been released that same day so you can talk about some of your experiences with recording or what you thought of it

and scaramouche would let you play it yourself!! (he still hadn’t played it) and it was also the first time you played genshin live!! you’d show people the characters you have and everything and tell them some anecdotes

people would be SHOCKED because you!? don’t have the character you voiced!? D:

and you’re like “yeah… i pulled for them and used up all my primogems and… didn’t get them”

and your banner is back because of the event, so scaramouche won’t let this slide!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL GET YOUR CHARACTER.

your luck is terrible compared to his so at one point you’ll literally feel bad for how much he’s spending for you to get it

but he doesn’t mind at all and everyone is having fun so!!

and once you finally get them you’re sO HAPPY and everyone in the chat is celebrating

and you think it’s over but scaramouche is like ???? what are you doing?? open the wish page again. you’re going to get them c6.

and you’re like oh my gOD PLEASE NO DON’T SPEND MORE MONEY ON ME FOR THIS

but he won’t listen and he’ll do it

so!!! he’ll always do his best to be the best boyfriend he can be for you!! so you better give him your heart!!!!

[fantastic-bby]

Can You See The Sounds?

Pairing: Reader x Hongjoong

Word count: 5.7k

Genre: Fluff

Tags: Synesthesia!Hongjoong, non-idol!Reader

Summary:  Whenever Hongjoong makes music, he wondered whether he’ll ever be able to express the colours that he sees to others with synesthesia. When Wooyoung introduced him to an old friend (who just so happened to have synesthesia as well), Hongjoong realised that with her help, he could help bring the colours of his music to life...

A/n: I edited this at 3.30 a.m. so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes shjsjhs. I was inspired bcs one of my friends has synesthesia I think it’s a really cool thing uwu

He sat in front of the computer, the sunlight slowly making its way into his room as the Sun slowly rose. The knock on his door was unheard by him with his headphones on, the composition he had spent weeks making playing through his ears. 

“Hyung,” Yeosang called to him with his head poking into the room. He pursed his lips when Hongjoong didn’t respond nor acknowledge his presence. “Hyung.” He called out louder as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “Hongjoong-ah!” He yelled. Hongjoong jumped at the calling and finally turned around, pulling off his headphones in the process. 

“Oh, hey.” He muttered at him before taking notice of the Sun’s glow, “Is it morning already?” Hongjoong let out a yawn and ran through his messy silver hair as he pulled open the curtains to allow more natural light into his room.

“Did you not sleep at all?” Yeosang questioned from his spot in front of the door, the dark circles under his leader’s eyes growing more prominent with every passing day. Hongjoong shook his head as he turned back to the computer screen, 

“I’ve been working the entire night. I don’t really need sleep. The colours make me feel energised.” He muttered out as he continued to play around with the composition.

“Hyung, you need to sleep at least a few hours.” Yeosang sighed, “Seonghwa hyung made breakfast. He told me to come and see if you’re still working.” The mention of Seonghwa made Hongjoong turn to the beds, only then noticing that Seonghwa’s bed that was sitting on the other side of the room was empty and neatly made. 

“Wow, I didn’t even realise he got up.” Hongjoong chuckled as he paused the composition and placed his headphones on the desk to stand up. “I’ll take a nap after this.” He promised Yeosang with another yawn as the two of them made their way into the dining room to see everyone else had already begun eating.

“Finally.” Seonghwa huffed as he saw Yeosang return with his roommate, “I’ve been trying to call you for the past ten minutes.” He threw him a sharp look. 

“Sorry, I had my headphones in.” He sheepishly apologised as he sat with his bandmates. 

“What were you working on this time?” Mingi asked with a mouthful of food. 

“I’m trying to put together a composition based on what colours look the best together.” Hongjoong hums out in response and stuffed his own mouth with a spoonful of rice. 

“What’s that thing called again?” San asked. 

“Synesthesia, and the colours are getting more vibrant the more I work. I’m testing out the colour thing so that maybe whoever has synesthesia can enjoy the way the music projects the colours to them as well.” Hongjoong spoke.

“It must be so cool to see colours when you hear sounds.” Wooyoung’s voice came out muffled with how full his mouth was and ended up earning a smack to his shoulder, 

“Yah, don’t talk with your mouth full.” Jongho scolded him from his side. Wooyoung gave his younger member a scowl as he chewed his food. 

“It is cool, though. Maybe that’s why Hongjoong hyung always writes the best lyrics.” Yunho smiled at him. Hongjoong couldn’t help but smile at Yunho’s words as a light blush crept on his cheeks. 

“It doesn’t mean you should be staying up all night.” Seonghwa piped in, “You didn’t sleep at all last night.” He stated. 

“I know, Seonghwa. I’ll work on it, I promise. I was just so invested in it.” Hongjoong apologised to him, feeling bad for making his members worry for his sleeping schedule. 

“You better or else you’ll fall asleep at practice again.” Jongho jokes. “The last time you did it, Uzin hyung took selfies while you were sleeping and you didn’t even wake up from that.” He chuckled. Hongjoong’s cheeks flared with embarrassment and he kept his head down, refraining from saying anything that may continue the discussion of his terrible sleeping schedule. 

His idea in creating music that was fitting for others that also had synesthesia was his way of trying to make them feel less alone. It was also a way for him to try and make them feel less insecure of what he considered a gift. He didn’t want others to feel as though they had been given a curse rather than a blessing; a thought he had struggled with for many years. 

“Have you met anyone else that has synesthesia?” Yeosang questioned, making Hongjoong look up at him. 

“Not yet.” He shook his head, “I hope one day I do, though. I’ll finally find someone who’s like me.” He smiled at the thought of it. He had always wanted to find someone else that shared synesthesia, hoping that together they could form something more beautiful than just a composition.

Their breakfast carried on with their usual energy filled conversations. Hongjoong finished his breakfast first, wanting to listen to his composition one more time before taking a nap. The rest of the group watched as he disappeared into his shared bedroom. 

“Is he overworking himself again?” Wooyoung asked once he was out of earshot. 

“A little bit.” Seonghwa sighed as he picked up his now empty plate and moved into the kitchen. 

“Hongjoong hyung’s been working every night until the sun comes up. He barely gets any sleep.” Jongho shook his head. 

“Do you know anything we could try and get his mind away from working for a few days?” Mingi asked, “I mean, we’re off for the next month or so.” 

“Who’s going back to their families?” Seonghwa asked as he approached the dining table. Yeosang, San, Yunho and Mingi raised their hands. “Okay, do any of you know anyone with synesthesia?” He asked towards Jongho and Wooyoung. They both shook their heads. 

“Oh, wait.” Wooyoung perked up, “I know someone who does.” He nodded.

“How old are they?” Seonghwa asked as he sat down at his seat from before. 

“She’s a 99 liner. Her name’s (Y/n). Her brother goes to the same kindergarten as Kyungmin. He goes to their house a lot.” 

“Have you met her before?” Jongho asked. 

“Yeah, back then I would accompany Kyungmin to their house. We used to be quite close.” Wooyoung nodded.

“Say we do get ahold of her, what’s your plan, hyung?” Yunho questioned Seonghwa. 

“We invite her out for lunch to hang out and let them get to know each other. Maybe she can take Hongjoong’s mind off of working for a while and convince him to actually leave the dorms.” He explained to the others. Wooyoung stood up from the table and picked up his plate, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he disappeared into the kitchen. 

“What if it doesn’t work?” Yeosang questioned with pursed lips. “What if they don’t get along?” All their shoulders slumped as the possibility slipped its way into their minds. 

“Well, we just hope that it does. Hongjoong deserves to rest. He’s been working hard ever since our debut.” Seonghwa leaned back into his chair with a sigh. Wooyoung entered the dining room once again with a smile on his face and his phone held up, 

“She agreed to hang out with us.” He announced. 

“Okay, now we just let Hongjoong know we’re going out for lunch with a friend and see if it works.” Seonghwa hoped that maybe this could go well enough that (Y/n) would be able to pull Hongjoong away from his work. 

He stood up from the table, making his way to his bedroom - being sure to remind the group to clean up after themselves - and was greeted with the sight of Hongjoong laying in his bed completely knocked out. 

Seonghwa let out a sigh at the sight of his leader and moved over to Hongjoong's desk, curious to see what he was composing. He lifted the headphones and held one half of it to his ear, reaching for the spacebar to let it play; unaware of the wire knocking against the table.

"Don't you dare." Hongjoong muttered out sleepily. Seonghwa put the headphones down and turned around to see Hongjoong lazily looking at him, "It's not done yet. I'll play it for you when it's done." He yawned and turned over, quickly falling back asleep. 

“How did you wake up from that and not us shaking you that time during practice?” Seonghwa chuckled at him. 

“I saw a green flash. Whenever my headphones knock against something, I see green.” Hongjoong mumbled out from being in and out of his sleep. 

“But our voices don’t make you wake up?” He raised an eyebrow despite Hongjoong’s back facing him. 

“Your voices are blurrier. It’s easier to ignore and harder for me to notice while I’m sleeping.” He explained, words slurred as he was slowly falling back asleep. Seonghwa chuckled at him and looked at his computer monitor. He saw a small notepad open on his desk, taking a glimpse at the lyrics scribbled messily onto the page before deciding to respect Hongjoong’s privacy and left the room to let him rest. 

»»————-　　————-««

“(Y/n)-ie, I promise they’re nice.” Wooyoung told her over the phone. 

“Why do I need to be there again?” She questioned as she looked into the living room from the kitchen, watching her and Wooyoung’s brothers playing with the PS4. “I don’t see how me being able to see colours through sounds is related to you or your friends.”

“You see, that’s exactly what relates you to us!” His raise of voice made (Y/n) move her phone away from her face slightly. “Hongjoong hyung has that syn-synes-synth-”

“It’s synesthesia, Wooyoung-ie.” She finished for him with a chuckle, “Does he really?” She questioned, now more intrigued that there was finally someone else that had synesthesia. When no answer came through she giggled, “Woo, I can’t hear you if you nod.” She stated. 

“Oh, right! Sorry.” He laughed, “Can you come down to Seoul for a few days, please? Hongjoong hyung really needs something to do other than working and we’re hoping that you could help him since you share something special.” He pleaded. “You can stay at the dorms. Yeosang’s going back to Pohang, so you can stay in my room and I can sleep on the couch.”

“Okay, I’ll come.” She agreed, “But I’m getting an AirBnB, I’m not going to sleep in your dorm.” She clarified in slight disgust. 

“There’s nothing bad with our dorm.” He defended. “Seonghwa hyung makes us clean everything and he cleans everything we don’t.”

“It’s still kinda weird, Woo. Let’s just see what happens, okay?” 

“Just let me know if you need anywhere to stay. I’ll convince all of them to move out if I need to!” He joked.

“Okay, Woo.” She chuckled, “Oh wait! What do I tell your brother if he asks why he can’t come?” She asked. 

“Say it’s work related.”

“Can I really not bring him? I think he misses you a lot. He talks about you all the time.” She spoke. 

“Really?” He questioned, feeling slightly guilty that he couldn’t return to his home. “Tell him I’m coming home next month.”

“Okay, Woo. I’ll update you if anything happens.” She hung up and left the kitchen.

“Who was that?” Kyungmin, asked as she walked back into the living room. 

“Your hyung invited me to Seoul to spend time with him and his friends.” She said as she plopped herself beside her younger brother. 

“Can I come?” His brother snapped his head to her, “I haven’t seen hyung in a really long time.” He pouted at her. 

“I don’t think so, Kyungmin.” She shook her head, “It takes a while to get there and it’s grown up stuff.” His brother sulked and sadly turned back to the screen. “He told me to tell you he’s coming back next month, though.” Her words made him turn back to her, 

“Really? I get to see hyung?” He questioned with a smile growing on his face. 

“Yep!” She nodded. “You just have to be patient.” She ruffled his hair as he nodded ecstatically and turned back to the screen. The sound of a gunshot triggered a muddy green colour to flash at her eyes and her entire body flinched as reaction towards the colour, “Woah, that’s ugly.” Her eyes widened, both the younger boys turning to look at her. 

“Noona, are you okay?” Her younger brother asked. 

“I’m fine. The gunshot made me see an ugly colour.” She nodded at him. 

“Why do you see colours when you hear sounds?” Kyungmin asked as both the boys paused the game and turned to her. 

“I don’t know actually.” She shrugged, never knowing why she was born with synesthesia while her brother wasn’t. She hoped that maybe if her younger brother had it, she wouldn’t feel so estranged from the rest of society. “I don’t know why I have it and why you don’t have it.” She looked at her brother. 

“Maybe it’s because you’re special.” He stated. (Y/n) looked at him in slight surprise at his words, 

“I don’t know about that.” She chuckled and ruffled his hair. 

“But (Y/n) noona, you are! Hyung invited you down for work so you must be really important!” Kyungmin exclaimed. She smiled at him and picked him up off the floor and threw him in the air, 

“Aww, I’m that special?” She asked as he giggled when she set him down. Both the boys nodded vigorously, 

“You’re my bestest sister!” Her brother gave her a toothy grin. She smiled at the two of them, 

“Since you said such nice things about me, how about we go and get some ice cream?” She suggested, chuckling as she saw the way their eyes widened with excitement. “Turn off the PS4 and clean up the living room and we’ll go, okay?” They both nodded and immediately started picking the tossed cushions up off the floor. 

»»————-　　————-««

“Hongjoong hyung, let’s go!” Jongho called out from the front door with Seonghwa and Wooyoung. The door to Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s bedroom opened to reveal a very sleepy looking Hongjoong rushing to them. 

“Sorry, I fell asleep while getting ready.” He yawned out. 

“You didn’t sleep last night?” Wooyoung questioned as they stepped out of the dorm and started making their way to the restaurant they promised to meet (Y/n) at. 

“I got about an hour.” He shrugged, struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“I told you we were meeting Wooyoung’s friend today. Why didn’t you sleep earlier?” Seonghwa nagged him. 

“I don’t know ‘mum’, I was busy.” Hongjoong scowled at him. 

“You need to stop overworking yourself, hyung.” Jongho spoke up from beside him, “We’re supposed to be on a break.” 

“I’m managing my schedule, I promise.” He huffed out. The other three gave him a look. “I sleep at least an hour a day.” He shrugged, his crankiness starting to show from his lack of sleep.

“You’re really cranky today.” Wooyoung pointed out. 

“This is why you need sleep.” Jongho stated. 

“Can we change the subject? I’ll get proper sleep after lunch.” Hongjoong snapped at them. “Who are we meeting anyway?” 

“An old friend of Wooyoung. She’s in Seoul for a few days so we might spend the next few days with her.” Seonghwa spoke. 

“Her name’s (Y/n). She’s really nice.” Wooyoung piped in. Hongjoong nodded at him. He felt too tired to care much about what was going on. 

“Don’t be cranky.” Seonghwa reminded him. 

“Stop acting like a parent.” Hongjoong mocked him. 

“Wow, you are seriously cranky today. For once I feel like knocking sense into you more than Wooyoung.” Jongho cringed as they walked into the restaurant that was luckily not too far from both their dorms and (Y/n)’s AirBnB.

“Please don’t do anything that might scare her. I haven’t seen her in awhile.” Wooyoung looked mostly towards Hongjoong who sighed and nodded, finally aware of how snappy he was being. Wooyoung searched the restaurant and his eyes lit up when he saw her waving as she sat at one of the tables. 

They made their way over to her table and Wooyoung immediately hugged her when she stood up,

“(Y/n)-ie! I haven’t seen you in so long! I missed you!” He was lifted her up as he bounced up and down. 

“Ah! Wooyoung-ie!” She yelped in surprise. “You need to call more often.” She scolded him with a slap to his arm once he put her down. 

“I got busy, I’m so sorry.” He sheepishly smiled at her. “Oh! This is Seonghwa hyung, Hongjoong hyung and Jongho.” He turned to his friends who waved at her. She waved back at them as they sat down. Her eyes fell on Hongjoong; remembering why she was there. 

“I ordered fried chicken and bulgogi. I hope that’s okay.” She told them. By the way their eyes lit up, she knew she had made the right choice. 

“So, what are you doing in Seoul?” Hongjoong questioned, feeling strangely intrigued by her presence. 

“I haven’t been here in a while and I thought it’d be nice to drop Wooyoung a visit.” She told. 

“How long have you known Wooyoung hyung?” Jongho asked. 

“We grew up in the same neighbourhood, so we hung out a lot up until he decided he wanted to become an idol and stopped calling me after your debut.” She threw a look at Wooyoung who simply smiled at her. 

Their lunch carried on smoothly, (Y/n) feeling completely natural around them. The feeling was mutual, Seonghwa, Jongho and Hongjoong not once feeling awkward as they conversed with her. (Y/n) noted the way Hongjoong seemed to perk up every time she spoke. 

She glanced up at Seonghwa who was throwing glances to Jongho and Wooyoung, aware of what they wanted to do. Their plan was to try and get her alone with Hongjoong so they could talk about their synesthesia.

“I’ll go pay.” Seonghwa spoke up once they had finished eating. He left the table, Wooyoung managing to find an excuse that would pull Jongho away from the table to leave (Y/n) and Hongjoong alone. The air around the table surprisingly stayed casual. 

“Wooyoung told me you have synesthesia.” (Y/n) said to him. His eyes seemed to light up at the mention of his condition, 

“Yeah, I do. It helps me write songs.” He nodded. 

“What colour am I?” She questioned, resting her elbows on the table and giving him in interested look. He was slightly taken aback, not thinking that she would ask about her colour but he thought about it nonetheless. 

He paused as he thought about it. He hadn’t really been paying attention to the colours that he was seeing throughout lunch but as he thought about it and he realised that’s why he was so intrigued by her; her colour flow was gorgeous. 

“I see a lot of colours.” He nodded at her, “I see purple when you speak. It’s like a flow of purple and when you laugh it spikes violently and turns into a darker, more blueish colour.” He smiled at her. Her heart fluttered at the way he explained the colour. She had never really been able to pinpoint her own colour, but hearing it from someone else was making her heartbeat quicken and her stomach tingle with excitement and warmth. 

“That’s really nice.” She smiled at him, “You’re a deep pastel pink. Whenever you laugh, it turns into a beautiful mellow yellow.” She watched the way his smile dropped and his eyes widened as he leaned away from her. “Your colours blend together well and it’s as soothing as the way your voice sounds. You are pleasing to both the ears and the eyes.” She bit her lip as she saw him increasingly getting flustered and bewildered. 

“Y-You have it too?” His voice was barely audible with how shocked it was, but it (Y/n) could hear him and nodded. “Wow,” He breathed out as a smile grew one his once again and his eyes started to sparkle with wonder. He leaned back towards the table, “You’re the first person that I’ve met that also has synesthesia.” 

“You are too. I’ve always wondered how other people see my colour. Now that you’ve told me, I’m very flattered.” She giggled lightly. 

“When did you realise you had it?” He asked, the excited smile on his face never once faltering. 

“I asked my science teacher about it when I was in middle school. He said that it’s pretty rare and that it’s not anything dangerous, I just associate sounds with colours.” She explained as she recalled the memory. 

“Did you have any trouble with it while growing up?” He questioned further. She nodded at him. The day she found out she had synesthesia, it just made everything more difficult. She was already struggling with trying to fit in and now she had something that just made her feel more out of touch with other people. 

“It was hard. I never saw it as anything special really.” She sighed, “I just thought it was a nuisance since things I would enjoy would make me see really ugly colours like whenever I’d ride roller coasters or whenever my brother plays games with me. The gunshots and the clicking make me see muddy or really dull colours that make it less fun.” She gave him a half smile, “But I got used to it. I learned to ignore the colours.”

Hongjoong pursed his lips at that. “Do you do anything creative with it?” He questioned.

“The most I do is painting, but I don’t really keep up with that anymore.” She shrugged. His eyes lit up once again.

“Can we try something together?” He asked, bringing up his idea with her. At first, (Y/n) found it quite weird. He had been very forward with it and his way of asking her made her think he wanted to do something a bit weirder. Upon hearing his idea, she agreed. 

“But you have to promise me you’ll be letting me do most of the work while you rest.” She extended her pinkie finger out at him.

“I promise.” He chuckled and locked his pinkie around hers. 

“Hey, you ready to go?” Seonghwa returned to the table with Jongho and Wooyoung. 

“That took quite a while.” Hongjoong mentioned as he stood up. 

“Something wrong with the card.” Seonghwa shrugged as he subtly pulled Hongjoong to the front with him and Jongho to let Wooyoung talk to (Y/n).

“Did it work?” He asked, voice low enough that Hongjoong wouldn’t hear. 

“Yea, we vibe pretty well.” She nodded, “He wants to try and make something using his composition, I agreed.” 

“Is he going to be working again?” Wooyoung groaned out but she shook her head. 

“He promised to let me do most of the work and that he’ll rest.” She smiled when he saw his confused look. 

“As long as he’s finally taking it easy, we won’t worry.” He nodded. 

»»————-　　————-««

She sat at Hongjoong’s desk and listened to his composition. Hongjoong stood behind her  nervously as he chewed on the skin on the end of his thumb, a large blank canvas and a set of oil paints in the bag that was slung from his shoulder.

 This was the first time he was showing someone his composition. (Y/n) listened to it, her mind completely immersed with it as the music played. The colours that were blending together just made the composition seem almost magical. 

“Can you see the sounds?” He asked anxiously, watching as she nodded to him slowly as her mind was too entranced with the sounds and colours. She pulled the headphones off slowly when the composition ended and she turned to Hongjoong who was still nervous to hear her thoughts on it. 

“Hongjoong-ssi, that song was amazing.” (Y/n) looked at him in awe, “The song itself is so amazing and the way the colours just blended made it even more beautiful.” A smile made its way on both their faces, “I know exactly what to do but you’ll need to cover the floor with a huge towel or plastic.” She said as she stood up from his chair and gently took the bag off of his shoulder. 

Hongjoong made his way to his closet and pulled out a towel that was large enough to sit under the entire canvas as (Y/n) set the frame down. She handed him a cup that he went into the bathroom to fill up as she got more of her supplies ready. She sat cross-legged in front of the canvas and started working after he set down the cup of water beside her. 

The smell of turpentine quickly filled the room from her oil thinner and forced them to crack open the window to fan out the vague odour. 

He sat on his bed and watched intently as she brushed each colour onto the canvas. Hongjoong found himself growing more and more excited as he watched the way she put the headphones on, painting on what she could see onto the canvas. He wanted to see how other people saw his music and this was bringing (Y/n)’s view of it to life right in front of his eyes. 

The hours passed by as (Y/n) continued to paint the canvas with Hongjoong watching. Seonghwa entered the room once to give them dinner as well as drinks and tried his best not to look at the canvas as to not ruin their surprise for them. 

“Kinda like a mum, huh?” (Y/n) chuckled when Seonghwa left the room, taking a moment to feed herself a bite of the kimbap he had made. 

“A little bit, but it’s good that he cares for us that way. If he didn’t, I think the whole dorm would be either on fire or a complete mess.” Hongjoong joked as he sipped on the orange juice Seonghwa had given them.

“Is he the only one in the dorm who cooks?” She questioned as she put the empty bowl down and picked up her brush once again, 

“Jongho and San usually help him out in the kitchen.” He shook his head, "I cook too, but I’m usually working so I don’t exactly spend much time in the kitchen.”

“How much time do you spend on your computer?” She asked without taking her eyes off of the canvas. 

“A lot. I don’t really sleep and the guys are worried about it.” He sighed, a yawn fighting it’s way past his lips as he realised how exhausted he really felt. (Y/n) turned to him, only then noticing the heavy eyelids and dark circles. 

“Go to sleep, Hongjoong-ssi. I’ll wake you up when I finish this.” She urged him with a soft smile. He pursed his lips as he contemplated just fighting his low energy but she only urged him more. “You promised me you’d rest.” She reminded with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, I’ll sleep.” He chuckled as he moved his empty bowl and glass to his table. He slid under the covers, peeking over at her before letting his exhaustion take over. (Y/n) continued to work as he rested, seeing a very soft and mellow yellow when she heard his soft snores. She turned to him briefly, chuckling to herself at how his lips were parted slightly. 

It only took (Y/n) a few more hours to finally finish her masterpiece. She placed the brush into the cup of water, a small splash followed as she let out a yawn and sat back to look at it. The reddish orange at the top left corner blended into the blue and purple, splotches of a faded green and red painted into the blues and purples. She covered the whole top edge with slate blue and sparkled the lower right corner with golden metallic ripples as though droplets of the gold were being dropped into the blue. 

She stood up and stretched her body, the ache in her back being very obvious when she stood. She turned to the clock that was sitting on Hongjoong’s desk; 2:31 a.m. She had been working for almost 9 hours.

With a gentle shake to the shoulder, Hongjoong’s eyelids fluttered open and he turned to (Y/n). He moved around in his bed before sitting up and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“Is it done?” He asked with a yawn. 

“Yeah, finally.” She nodded and looked at the canvas as it sat on the towel, a smile on her face with how proud she was at how it turned out. Hongjoong pulled the covers off of himself and stood up beside her, stretching his arms out in the air before he looked at the canvas. 

“Holy shit.” He muttered out when he saw it. His eyes widened and whatever was left from his sleep completely disappeared as he stepped closer to the canvas to admire (Y/n)’s work. “Holy shit, this is amazing.” He turned to her with eyes full of awe and a smile on his face. 

“It turned out way better than I thought it would.” She chuckled as she looked at it as well. 

“Should we show the guys?” He asked without taking his eyes off of it, too immersed in the blend of colours. 

“Maybe in the morning since it’s two a.m.” She said as she pointed towards his desk clock. “We can let it dry overnight.”

“You can sleep in Seonghwa’s bed if you’d like.” Hongjoong pointed out as he gently moved the canvas to a safer spot. “Don’t worry. He keeps his side of the room very well taken care of compared to mine.” He joked as he gestured to the mess of his desk. (Y/n) plopped herself onto Seonghwa’s bed without much hesitation, being too tired to argue and wanting nothing but to finally sleep. 

Hongjoong stayed awake, being completely well rested after finally having a decent amount of sleep and continued to look at the painting. He was done with the composition days ago. He was just worried about letting the rest of his group listen to with the worry that he had focused too much on how it would look rather than how it would sound.

As the Sun rose, Hongjoong was on his computer, listening to his composition while looking at the painting. (Y/n) was sleeping soundly, her snores sending his eyes a ripple of pastel blue. The gentle knock on the door made him turn to see Wooyoung peeking his head in, 

“Seonghwa hyung’s calling you guys for breakfast.” He told him, his eyes searching the room and stopping at (Y/n)’s sleeping figure. He stepped into the room and gently closed the door. “Are you guys done with your thing?” He whispered to Hongjoong who nodded, watching the way he slowly made his way to her side. He leaned down and looked at her sleeping face. 

(Y/n) opened her eyes slowly and let out a yelp in surprise as she jerked away from Wooyoung and ended up falling off of the bed. 

“Wooyoung-ie!” She whined as she sat up, “Don’t do that!” She grumbled at him as she stood up. 

“Sorry, (Y/n)-ie.” He giggled mischievously as he hurried out of the room out of fear of being hit by her. (Y/n) continued to grumble under her breath before turning to the very amused Hongjoong. 

“Did you not sleep after I fell asleep?” She questioned with a yawn as she stretched. 

“I slept for quite a bit while you were painting so I didn’t really feel tired.” He shook his head as he turned to the painting, “It’s dry, by the way.” He mentioned and stood up from his chair to lift up the painting. 

“Let’s show it to them?” She suggested and he nodded. He handed her the frame as he pulled out a smaller towel from his closet to cover it and they both left the room. Wooyoung, Jongho and Seonghwa had already begun eating and all their heads lifted from their food as (Y/n) and Hongjoong made their way to the end of the table. 

“Are you guys done?” Jongho asked when he saw the covered painting. Both of them nodded their heads excitedly, (Y/n) holding the frame up. 

“Hongjoong-ssi slept while I was working on it and I slept after, so don’t worry about us getting sleep.” She stated to them, seeing Seonghwa’s worried look that questioned their hours working. 

“(Y/n)-ssi worked really hard on this, and I think it’s amazing.” Hongjoong announced as he pulled away the towel to reveal the painting to his bandmates. The six pairs of eyes widened immediately. 

“Holy shit.” Wooyoung whispered out as he looked at it. 

“It looks so beautiful.” Seonghwa breathed out in awe. 

“You made this?” Jongho asked, his mind completely blown as he looked closer to the painting. 

“This is how I see Hongjoong-ssi’s composition. He said he made it in a way that would be pleasing to the ears as well as the eyes and it honestly worked. It is a masterpiece and I think it’s spectacular.” She turned to Hongjoong who was smiling at her. His heart was fluttering at her words. 

“You’re both awesome!” Wooyoung exclaimed. 

“Let’s frame it in the living room so that everyone can see it when they get back from our break.” Seonghwa suggested with a smile on his face. (Y/n) and Hongjoong’s smiles widened more. They placed the painting leaning on the counter as they ate their breakfast and got to the living room after to find a spot for it. 

“How long are you going to be in Seoul?” Hongojong asked (Y/n) as they hung the painting together. 

“Three more days.” She hummed out as she took a step back after hanging it.

“I think we should spend more time together.” He suggested as they both admired it from the spot it hung on the wall. (Y/n)’s heart jumped. The colours that flashed at his words made her feel more excited and she wanted to see more of his voice. 

“That sounds like a great idea.”

[minijeong]

i was gonna be lazy and go back to sleep but then i saw this ask and got excited 😄😄 thanks for sticking around and enjoying my content anon 🥰🥰my content wouldnt go anywhere without ppl who support!! 🥰🥰 i’d actually love to give thoughts on each of them haha so... under the cut!

wonyoung: she’s baby lol– i feel like a lot of people always forget how young she really is and how emotionally naive and vulnerable you can be at that age, so i wish the internet would be a bit kinder to her :ccc // there’s a lot of controversy around her being centre and people saying that other people suit centre more, but i think wonyoung is doing a fine job. she might not be as good as other members in singing or dancing, but i think she really has a talent in stage presence. // i think that centre wonyoung actually works to bring the team together which i appreciate - she prob relies on all the other members since she’s the youngest (and knows she’s not as experienced in singing/dancing) which, i think, lessens the focus on their rank and brings them together // i love how she loves learning! extracurriculars, instruments, languages, etc.

sakura: respect. hella popular, hella humble, extremely hardworking. to be honest i do not think she has much natural talent for dance, which means she puts a LOT of effort into practicing, and i appreciate that. // she’s been in the industry since a young age so i feel like she’d be able to help wonyo and yujin out so that’s nice to know. // huge fanbase and popularity since before pd48 but i never ever got the feeling that it influenced her ego at all—respect.

yuri: heh // ccc: // an entire baby that hair flipped my soul into oblivion in violeta lol // probably the most baby of ‘01 line lol // clumsy as hell and easily a nervous wreck lol // hearing her sing brightens my day with a 100% probability lol // seeing her rebound after going from A to F class --> this is SO hard and could easily destroy any performer to the core // her busan accent is so cute lol // when she did ayayaya i thought it was cute bc she was an entire baby among unnies lol // but also her voice MADE ayayaya so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yena: LOL // she’s so lame and such a loser in the most freakin endearing way (because i just made a gifset of her getting sassed nonstop by chaewon) // love her voice sm // boyish/rough (? idk word in english) as hell one second but her performance style is really feminine (from her background in ‘girls’ hip hop) and that plays with my heart // stage presence 100 but she keeps using the same hand movements in non-izone song stages LOL cute // if i watched pd48 before lver, she woulda been my one pick // improved a lot since pd48 // tsundere #2

yujin: she’s heckin mature for her age LOL and i think, out of all the members, she has the highest potential esp since she’s so young. tbh did not notice her much during pd48 but after watching her more i realized she’s an all rounder and really reliable on stage. // she’s been improving her stage presence recently and she also has the cutest eye smile and dimples // seems really outgoing but im glad she’s comfortable with the unnies so she has someone to lean on when things get hard

nako: otr pls let her sing lol // i always get surprised at her height lol (im taller than wonyoung by almost 5cm) // super impressed by her korean // i dont like this and i hope she feels different now :( // nako song gets stuck in my head every now and then and idk what to do with myself LOL // seems to support others well (yuri @ nako : “if i didn’t have you i wouldn’t have made izone) and i respect that a lot // hopefully she’s able to/allows herself to receive as much support as she gives // if anyone badmouths nako i’ll fight

eunbi: most respect for eunbi. takes care of all the babies. tbh whenever i think about it, i wouldnt put her in my bias list at all bc she’s kinda on a diff level? i look up to her as a leader and as someone who went through a lot of ‘failure’ to reach her success // right now im studying to bring myself closer to my dream career and i always remember eunbi when i feel like giving up! // i appreciate that she called chaeyeon izone’s pride bc i feel like chaeyeon needs to be gassed often // it can be discouraging when you see a lot of young talent achieve more than you but eunbi either doesnt feel that or doesn’t let it show and i respect that

hyewon: im guessing you saw my post!

hitomi: deserves more screentime lol it was so hard to gif her in buenos aires // one of the sassmasters of izone // side bangs / bangless tomi is the cutest // her dancing is really refreshing to watch bc cheering background // stage presence has improved // tbh has been winning my heart recently // blond tomi + boyfriend jeans tomi 😭😭😭

chaewon: my one pick in pd48! (my #1 bias was actually chaewon until violeta and my url used to be kchaewons lol) // i think out of all the members, chaewon is the one that was most meant to be an idol... it’s like she BELONGS on stage in all aspects and it’s so captivating // she gives me chungha vibes but everyone says im crazy when i say that // she’s sassy and i love it // chaewon on knowing bros // amazing dancer but i can tell she didn’t learn dance foundation from bottom up, so she must have hella talent for it // probably has the best dance textures in izone which is really impressive esp since her team got roasted to hell for it during pd48 to reach you

minju: hands down has had the greatest amount of improvement since pd48 and im v proud // v v v v v proud // can you believe she’s the same age as yuri //  민주가 또오~?!?! // i think part of her improvement can be attributed to the fact that she always thinks the other members are so amazing (from pd48 to now... izone’s #1 fan...) 💯💯💯respect

chaeyeon: tsundere #1 // dance senpai // maybe the member i connect to the most? esp after seeing her break down from byj in 1000% // deserves all her success and more // if u ever watch dance class footage and hear ppl make weird sounds when something cool happens // thats me whenever i watch chaeyeon dance LOL // i honestly dont know how she dances like that (feather) bc i have honestly nEVER seen anyone dance like that in my life lol

tbh none of them would be the bias we love without the support from the rest of the team, so having appreciation for all of them is important to me!

[jae-bummer]

Time in the Sun

Request: Can you do a Xiumin fic where you get sick/in an accident so he takes a hiatus to take care of you and considers leaving the group bc he enjoys temporarily living a normal life with you? It can be angst or fluff and how it ends up to you :)

Pairing: EXO’s Xiumin x Reader (ft. Jongdae)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

“I can do it,” you hissed between labored breaths. Attempting to ease yourself into the wheelchair seemed like an easy challenge until you actually began doing it. 

“I know you can,” Minseok chuckled. “I’m just helping.” 

“But I don’t need-” you groaned, losing your balance. Gripping onto his shoulder, you pushed your weight onto him. He staggered a bit before recovering, holding you in his strong arms, and easing you toward your new mode of transport. 

“What don’t you need?” he hummed with a small smile. Tilting his head as he looked upon you fondly, he placed his hand atop of yours. “Certainly you weren’t going to say Minseok?”

“Of course I wasn’t,” you grumbled. “His help on the other hand...” 

“Oh, you’ll be needing his help,” the nurse clucked from behind him. Swiveling his shoulders, he moved so you could see the sudden appearance of the medical worker. “You’ll be needing all of the help you can get.” 

“I’ll be able to manage just fine,” you huffed. “He has work.” 

“And he can take off work,” Minseok hummed, patting you lightly on the shoulder. “You broke both of your legs, Y/N.” 

“And some toes,” the nurse sighed as she glanced over your paperwork. “What were you doing anyway?” 

“It involved being invited to a roller rink for a birthday party,” MInseok muttered. “Chaos ensued.” 

“I quickly discovered that “Crack the Whip” is a game for those much younger than I,” you grumbled. 

“Serves you right then,” the nurse clucked. “You should know better.” 

“I’ll show you what you should know better,” you grumbled beneath your breath, causing Minseok to turn a wary eye in your direction. 

“Here are care instructions,” the nurse sighed, seemingly not hearing your comment. She handed them over to Minseok who nodded attentively. “We’ll need you to see an orthopedist within the next few days to confirm what we’ve seen and come up with a treatment plan. We’ve also included a list of recommended doctors.

Right now we have you in walking boots to keep your bones stable and protected until the actual orthopedist decides if he wants to put you into casts or-”

“Casts?” you croaked. “How can I move around in two casts?” 

“How can you move around now?” Minseok hummed. “That’s why I helped you into the wheelchair.” 

“No way,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “This isn’t going to cut it. How am I expected to be self sufficient if I can’t even walk around?” 

“You’ll be needing a lot of help,” the nurse nodded. “But luckily, it looks like you have a good support system.” 

Minseok nodded in unison, glancing proudly from the nurse and toward you. 

“Oh, do I?” you whined. “He’s a musician. He has schedules and he-” 

“And he can have a break,” Minseok hissed, his expression urging you to quit talking. “Really.” 

Rolling your eyes, you stuck out your lower lip, and crossed your arms. “We’ll see.” 

And you did see. 

Once you had visited the orthopedist, and it was confirmed that you would need a cast on both legs, Minseok had gone into doting, parent mode. It was hard to go anywhere without the man by your side, granted, he was the one pushing your wheelchair most of the time. After four weeks you would hopefully be able to stand on your own two feet again, but you wouldn’t know until the time came. 

And until that time came, Minseok pretty much lived at your apartment. 

“Do you want cheese in your eggs?” Minseok called over his shoulder, running the hand that he wasn’t holding a spatula with through his hair. “I just put on another pot of coffee. It’s a new blend I got from the-”

Your mind had long since trailed from his initial question as you teetered on the bar stool behind him. You glanced along his shoulders, bare around his tank top. The sight was enough to cause you to choke on your orange juice. You were never quite sure how he looked so good even straight from bed. 

Then again, due to recent events, you had never seen him straight from bed before. 

Straight from...your bed. 

Shaking your head, you attempted to toss the inappropriate thoughts away from your mind. You didn’t realize when you broke both of your legs that it would simultaneously be the best and worst thing to have ever happened to you. While you were hardly mobile on your own, you did have the added bonus of Minseok constantly handling things you would normally do. Your relationship had honestly never been stronger, but then again, you had spent more time together now than you ever had. 

“Hello, earth to Y/N,” Minseok laughed, waving the spatula in front of your face. 

“Cheese!” you spluttered. 

“So...was that a scream for or against cheese?” he asked, lifting a brow. 

“For,” you nodded. “Has there ever been a time I’ve been against cheese?” 

“Fair,” he hummed, spinning back around, and continuing to cook. 

You smiled to yourself as you watched him work, his hips swinging to music only he could hear. Chewing on your lip, you felt a pang of bitterness sweep through your heart. 

He had to have missed dancing. 

Clearing your throat, your mouth attempted to form the question smoothly. “So...have you heard from the guys lately?” 

“Who?” he asked, continuing to casually move his butt to the imaginary music. 

“The guys,” you chirped. “You know...Junmyeon...Baek...Jongdae...any of them?” 

“Oh right,” he hummed, his body finally slowing. He glanced over his shoulder again. “Uh...not really. They know I’ve been busy.” 

“But I’m sure they have been too,” you prompted. “I know you guys were working on the next comeback. I’m sorry my injuries have gotten in the way of-” 

“Hey,” he smiled sadly, spinning with the frying pan in hand. He slowly began to spoon eggs onto your plate. “You can’t control your relationship with gravity. Well...I mean you kind of can, but it wasn’t in the cards that day. You didn’t want two broken legs.”

“And you didn’t expect to have to take care of me,” you teased. 

“I will always take care of you,” he cooed, shuffling to your side of the bar. He placed a soft kiss on your hairline before pulling away. “But for now, I have to take care of myself. I need a shower.” 

“Yes, please take care of your stench,” you grinned. 

“You love my stench,” he smirked. 

“Right, stale coffee smell is my turn on,” you laughed. 

“I can’t help that I sweat mocha,” he muttered, heading down the hall. 

“Actually, I think that is exactly a thing that you can help.” 

Without comment, he shut the bathroom door. You grinned to yourself as you began to spoon the freshly scrambled eggs into your mouth. 

“Mmm,” you hummed happily, just as his phone began to ring. 

“Minseok!” you called, picking up the phone and glancing at the screen. Jongdae’s smiling face filled up the glass. “Minseok!” 

Letting out a deep breath, you accepted the call, slowly waiting for it to connect. 

“Y/N!” Jongdae exclaimed as his actual face mimicked the photo you had just seen. “How are you feeling?” 

“Hey!” you grinned, attempting to swallow all of the food that was left in your mouth. “As good as I can feel I guess! What’s up?” 

“Well, you aren’t Minseok,” he laughed, tilting his head. “Is he still at your place?” 

“Yeah, he’s actually in the bathroom right now,” you hummed, eying the hallway cautiously. “I tried to call for him, but I think his hearing is a bit shot from all of the performing you all do.” 

“And keep trying to do,” Jongdae chuckled. “If he’d show up to practice.” 

“What?” you asked, narrowing your eyes. 

“Practice started about  twenty minutes ago,” he sighed. “Minseok said he would make it, but we haven’t heard anything. He’s been ignoring most of our texts. The last time he had talked to Junmyeon he had mentioned not participating in this comeback.” 

“I’m sorry, but am I hearing you correctly?” you whispered. “Minseok...sitting out of a comeback?” 

“Yeah, so you agree it sounds strange?” Jongdae hummed. 

“It doesn’t sound like him at all,” you muttered. “He’s usually willing to do anything for you guys.” 

“But he’s also willing to do anything for you,” Jongdae smiled sadly. “And unfortunately for us these days, I think one may be a little bit more important to him than another.” 

“Oh,” you croaked. “Do...do you think Minseok has been neglecting EXO because of...me?” 

“I didn’t say it,” Jongdae chuckled. “I just know that he loves you a lot, Y/N...and no one said an idol’s path was easy.” 

“I’ll try talking to him,” you said quietly with a somber nod. “Thanks for calling, Jongdae.” 

“It was good to see your face,” he smiled. “Bye!” 

You hung up the call and slowly set Minseok’s phone on the countertop. You reached forward, taking a deep drink from your juice, and swallowed hard. Why did Minseok lie to you? He hadn’t heard much from the guys? More like the guys hadn’t heard much from him. You knew that he would do anything you asked him to, but you had never quite asked him to take care of you. You had hoped he didn’t feel as if he was obligated to be there just because you were dating. You could manage just fine without him. Surely he knew that. 

After a few more moments of waiting in anxiety, Minseok finally emerged form the restroom, scrubbing a towel through his hair. 

“Did the coffee finish brewing?” he asked, shuffling toward the pot. 

“Jongdae called,” you spat, unable to keep the words from flying out of your lips. “Um...I mean, yeah.” 

Minseok turned to you, eyes wide. “Uh...?”

“Yes, the coffee has finished,” you said calmly. “Also Jongdae called.” 

“You or me?” Minseok asked absently reaching to his phone. 

“You,” you nodded. “I tried to call you, but I don’t think you could hear me over the water.” 

“Did you answer?” he asked, lifting his brows. 

“I...I thought it could have been important,” you said quietly, looking to your hands in your lap. You hadn’t realized that it would reflect poorly on you for answering his calls. 

“And was it?” he questioned. 

“Well, I mean, kind of,” you continued, choosing your words carefully. “He said they had expected you at practice and-” 

“Oh, that’s all it was about?” he asked, a nervous grin taking over his face. He wandered over to the coffee pot and began to pour himself a cup. “Would you like a cup?” 

“No thank you,” you muttered. “But...um...Minseok? I don’t think you should be missing practices on my account...and...and he had mentioned you not wanting to participate in the comeback?” 

Minseok set his cup down, his jaw tightening with your sentence. “Did he?” 

“Yeah,” you whispered. “He...he thinks it may be because you’re caring for me-” 

“That punk,” Minseok said through clenched teeth. Your eyes grew wide at the tone, unfamiliar coming from Minseok in general, but especially in reference to Jongdae. “I’ll punch him in the eye.” 

“Minseok,” you said slowly. “What is going on with you? If I’m the reason you’re skipping out on things, please, I can take care of myself just fine while you’re gone. If you need to focus on work-”

“I need to focus on you,” he said, his tone close to a whine. “You’re my priority.” 

“And what about your career?” you asked, your heart breaking. You knew Minseok loved performing. You didn’t want to stand in the way of that. 

“I’ve paid so much attention to my career,” he said quietly. “I’ve waited so long to be an idol...and I think it’s time that the idol life waited for me.” 

“What about your fans? They’ve waited so long to see you.” 

“If they’re truly my fan, they would understand,” he nodded. “You need me.” 

“Minseok,” you said quietly. “They need you too.”

Letting out a groan, he leaned forward onto the counter, and dropped his face into his hands. “I just...I just want something normal, Y/N.” 

“I’m...I’m sorry?” you asked.

“A normal life,” he croaked. “Being here with you the last few weeks...taking care of you...going places with you. It’s been so normal and I didn’t realize it was something i had craved so badly until now.”

“But there’s time for normal,” you sighed. “And there’s time for work. You’re going to be going to the army soon and-”

“Do you not want to see me as much as possible before that happens?” he asked, his expression one of desperation. 

“Of course I do,” you cooed, placing your palm on his cheek. “But I’ve also learned through this relationship that I can’t be selfish. Maybe the fans can wait, but you shouldn’t make your members wait...your brothers, Minseok. They are your family. Not participating in the comeback is letting them down...and honestly, it’s also letting me down.” 

“It’s...It’s what?” he whimpered. 

“No matter what you say,” you began. “I will think that if you don’t participate, it is because of me. When fans are upset, and when EXO members are upset, it’s on my account. I don’t want to be the reason for hurt feelings...”

“But...” he began, furrowing his brows. “How will you get around?” 

“Very carefully,” you grinned. “And whenever you aren’t practicing, you come here. You come live a normal life with me and spoil me as much as you want.”

“But when do things get to stay normal?” he asked, smiling sadly. “When do I get that?” 

“When work is done,” you cooed, smiling back at him. “Remember that passion that made you want to become an idol. You’re still young, MInseok. It’s time to live your dream. I’ll be here to support you and be as normal as possible when you get back.” 

“You’re never normal,” he grinned. 

“And never planned to be,” you chuckled. “That’s why the whole argument of a normal life was a bit shocking for me.” 

“Hey, you know what I meant,” he laughed. “Non idol living.” 

“I know,” you nodded. “But you’ll have that soon enough. Enjoy your time in the sun. You can enjoy your time in the shadows just as well once it’s all over.” 

Crossing the kitchen, he maneuvered himself to stand behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist. He nuzzled his face in your shoulder and took a deep breath in. “How am I so lucky?” 

“I could ask the same thing,” you hummed, reaching up and running your hands through his damp hair. “But you better get going. I think you’re late for practice.”  

[uruhabuns]

it’s all about the foundation (fem!makeup artist!reader x ruki) (part 1)

A/N: so i’ve been toying with this idea for a while, and after reading true beauty i finally had the guts to write it out LMAO also this is my first dot-point scenario, so I tried to keep it as to-the-point as possible. I hope you guys enjoy!!

_________

(Part 2) / (Part 3)

You were an assistant makeup artist at DeepEnd, and you usually work with KPOP idols when they have promotions in Japan

You were an expert at everything to do with idol makeup (especially glitter, gradients, and dewy looks)

Since you were younger than the senior makeup artists and stylists, you had to stick with being an assistant and helping them

If you were to do makeup, you were never allowed do a full face; either base or eyes or lips

One day kaolu frantically called into management saying that his assistant was deathly sick and needed someone QUICK.

Because guess what

That day was GazettE’s tour final

And coincidentally it was your day off

So your phone went berserk at 6am while you were sleeping

WHAT THE HELL DO THESE GUYS WANT

“H--”

“Sorry to wake you up so early, ______-san, but Kaolu urgently needs an assistant today. Can you help out?”

You wanted to throw your phone away and say no, but that extra cash sounded v tempting, so you accepted.

You knew of Kaolu and that he works with bands and some idols, but you never talked to him because he was always busy, and the assistants don’t usually talk to other makeup artists and stylists who weren’t on their team

So when you got to the company building at 8am with all your gear, you waited nervously for Kaolu, and not knowing who you were going to work on that day

When he arrived, the two of you greeted each other formally before getting into the car to take you to the venue

Which ended up being Shin Kiba Studio Coast

During the car ride, the two of you got to know each other more, and talked about each other’s makeup styles

When you told him you usually work with kpop idols and that you usually use korean makeup brands, he literally made the 😬 face

Welp guess i brought all my stuff for nothing

So then Kaolu showed you his portfolio, so you knew what you were up for

You saw ruki and uruha’s makeup, which looked slightly intimidating because it was so smokey and heavy, and you’ve never worked with this kind of style before

Since korean makeup probably doesn’t have as much impact on the face as western brands, you probably had to use twice as much product as you usually would use

Seeing your reaction, Kaolu told you not to worry bc he would be doing most of the work, and that Ruki and Uruha’s features make it easier to do this type of makeup

When you guys arrived at the venue, he lead you to the makeup room where all the GazettE members and the other makeup artists were waiting

“Sorry we’re late, my assistant called in sick last minute so we had to get another one”

They understood and began to work

You tagged along behind Kaolu to wait for his instructions

“______-san, this is Ruki and Uruha,” he introduced, “Don’t be shy~”

As soon as Ruki saw someone unfamiliar who wasn’t their usual assistant, he immediately noticed how cute and pretty you were

Judging from your makeup and style, he guessed that you probably never worked with visual kei before

You saw the two males, who were already in costume, and bowed, greeting them shyly, to which they returned the greeting.

Kaolu then instructed you to start with Ruki’s base makeup, and to use his makeup products rather than yours, because he felt that yours wouldn’t last as long as his

You had to comply, so you nodded, and took a bottle of hand sanitiser and some hair clips from your duffle bag to start

You sat down in front of Ruki, taking a small breath to calm yourself down

Ruki only smirked softly when he saw how shy you were

He observed the slight blush on your cheeks, the soft brown that coloured your eyebrows, and the glitter on your aegyosal and eyelids that complimented your pinkish coral gradient lips; your makeup style was exactly how he preferred on girls -- fresh and pretty, rather than dramatic and heavy.

You applied the sanitiser onto your hands, rubbing it dry

You brushed his bangs to each side of his face, and clipped them back with the hair clips

When you did so, Ruki couldn’t help but notice the subtle sweet scent of your perfume, and feel how soft the back of your fingers were when they brushed against his forehead

That’s when he decided to start talking. “So...are you new here?”

You nodded. “To visual kei, I am. But I usually work with kpop idols when they come to Japan.”

“Sorry, I meant to DeepEnd.”

“Oh! No, I’ve been here for a year.”

“A young one, then, huh?”

You smiled shyly, and tucked your hair behind your ear, something you usually do when you get shy. “I graduated beauty school last year, but I like to do my own styles too.”

As you reached for the primer that was next to Kaolu as he was working on Uruha, Ruki smirked at how cute you were.

You then asked him if he applied anything before coming to the venue

He said only moisturiser

You then told him you had to refresh his skin because it might have accumulated dust and dirt while he travelled to the venue, so you took out a cotton pad and a bottle of Etude House skin freshener, and sprayed it onto the pad.

Just as you were about to put it on Ruki’s face, Kaolu immediately fREAKED as he was working on Uruha’s base makeup

“______! I said to just do the base!”

His reaction caught the attention of the other members too

You froze in your seat. “W-we usually do this with idols before doing their make-”

“He already applied skincare, don’t try to wipe anything off.”

You chewed on your lower lip and nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

You put the bottle back into your bag and threw the cotton pad into the bin.

“Yo, it’s her first time doing makeup for us. You don’t have to be so hard on her.” Ruki defended you.

He couldn’t help but feel bad for you for being scolded during your first time doing visual kei makeup

You grabbed the MAC makeup base, and pumped it a few times onto the back of your hand.

“Thank you...” you said quietly, careful to avoid eye contact with Ruki.

“It’s nothing. I know it’s hard, but for now just do what your senpais tell you, even if you have better ways to do things. I’ve been there before.”

You nodded and dabbed some primer onto your ring finger, applying it by delicately tapping it evenly across Ruki’s face -- a new technique that he hadn’t come across with Kaolu before that didn’t make his skin feel like it was pulled on

Ruki felt the awkwardness in the air, so he decided to make a conversation with you to make you more comfortable working.

“I guess idol makeup technique is different to visual kei technique, huh?”

You nodded softly. “Y-yes...”

“How so?”

“Everything has to look fresh and clean and flawless. That’s why I needed to clean your face first. After that I would apply essence and moisturiser anyway...”

“Ah...”

You took out your trusty beauty blender and freshening mist from your gear bag, and sprayed the mist onto the sponge.

You squeezed the sponge a few times to let it absorb the mist before spraying again. You repeated this until the sponge was damp enough to be able to blend without absorbing product.

Ruki watched you as you did so, observing your delicate hands, before you began to blend out the primer on his face

After that, you applied Kaolu’s concealer and matte foundation in the same way; spread by tapping with the ring finger, then gently blending out with the beauty blender

Ruki couldn’t help but feel his heart race a bit more every time you came close to him

The smell of your perfume, the feel of your gentle touch, and the sight of your flushed cheeks kicked his senses up several notches

NO THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!

Before he knew it, you were already done with Ruki’s foundation makeup

His skin looked flawless and perfectly matte, and felt fresher with less layers of foundation and powder than how Kaolu would usually do it.

Huh...must be idol technique...Ruki thought, She is really good.

“Kaolu-san, I’m done.”

He went over to Ruki to check your work

“Perfect, _______-san. You did well.”

“She did a great job,” Ruki added, “My face doesn’t feel like a cake, either.”

You couldn’t help but blush slightly at the compliments, feeling accomplished since you’ve never worked with these guys before.

“Great. _______, you can take a break, just come back in half an hour.”

“Thank you. I will.” you said, beginning to make your way out of the room with your handbag.

“Also, I’d hate to ask, but is it okay if you could grab a coffee for me on your way back? There’s a Starbucks nearby the venue. I’ll pay you back.”

You nodded, half-reluctantly. “Of course.”

Once you left the room, Uruha began to tease Ruki.

“I see you.”

“What?”

“Are you really trying to play dumb?”

“Says the actual dumb one. What are you even talking about?”

“You like her, don’t you?”

Ruki flinched at the assumption. “What? Are you out of your mind? You out of all people should know I don’t do love at first sight.”

“RUKI LIKES SOMEONE?!” Reita yelled from the other side of the room, causing his makeup artist to scold him to sit down and stay still.

“Wait, since when did Ruki have crushes on people?” Aoi added.

“I never said I liked anyone!! Geez!”

Uruha smirked in amusement. “It’s been a while since someone made you feel this way, huh? I saw the way you looked at her. I didn’t know you were into the cute girls now.”

“Doesn’t his type always change?” Kai asked with amusement. “How old is she, anyway?”

“Too young for him, obviously.” Aoi replied with a laugh.

“WOAH, HE LIKES THE YOUNG ONES NOW?!” Reita exclaimed, “Why don’t you ever tell us these kinds of things?”

By then, Ruki had enough. “SHUT UP!! You guys are talking fucking nonsense. I have no time for girls or relationships.”

The other members only snorted to contain their laughter.

Uruha lightly poked Ruki’s arm. “Sure, keep telling that to yourself. But if you do end up dating her, or someone like her, don’t break her heart. She seems too innocent for someone like us.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, Ruki felt something spark inside him - a feeling he had learnt to forget.

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 3 - "RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful" - Riley

The 3 tribes of Pendragon, Hatter, and Jenkins have been reorganized and condensed into 2 new Hatter and Pendragon Tribes. Tribal immunity is Scavenger Hunt.

The fact I have Brayden and Toph in my merged tribe boosts my serotonin. i have a feeling colin may be someone to keep an eye out for in the future now...

RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful. I guess we'll see how Pendragon pans out.

yall doin me dirty putting me with brayden i just hope that by some miracle me him anastasia and ellie can work together? like i still dont know if theyre plotting on my ass vdshibshj i know brayden told anastasia to take me out when this game started oop but lemme see if dis works. i hope riley follows the logic of the old tribe sticking together and thatll be 5 votes. im kinda obsessed with toph like since the beginning of the game he looks like someone i could totally play with so def wanna work on that relationship. ava and nya? i believe? lets say hello and work on those relationships as well. dis is a bit overwhelming but we shall see how it goes

uh... well... i am SCREWED. me and ginny were the only ones separated from the Jenkins tribe... RIP. 4 pendragons, 2 hatters, and 2 jenkins... the main things i see here are pendragon yoinking one of the hatters / jenkins and voting the other off... OR a 4-4 tie... OR they're gonna target one of me or ginny cuz none of us have gone to tribal council yet. this is really dicey, and I need to tread very, very carefully from hereon. (ALSO GINNY BARELY TALKS PLS I NEED YOUR HELP GIRL)

This swap actually turned out pretty amazing for me. I still have Keith and Moth who I worked semi-close with in the pre-swap. Additionally, I've met up with Colin and Babs. A little Raffy magic could keep me very safe on this tribe. I think Kenneth is super fun as he is a newbie AND active. He will definitely make it far in this game. I hope, at the very least, that I can be by his side to make that happen. However, I am wary he might just be making these strong social connections with everyone. As a final note, OG Pendragons have this tribe 4 to 8. That's both good and bad. Good because we have numbers. Bad because that may make people target me very early on just for being a part of it. So, I have decided that if I were to throw any of my OG Pendragons to the wolves it would be Jonathan as I haven't been able to connect with them as well as Keith and Moth. Other than that, I hope this tribe doesn't have to go to tribal all that often between now and the next swap/merge. These people are lovely.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Since most of my Jenkins tribemates are on the other tribe, I KNOW they're good cuz we just keep getting W's... so I think there is a good chance we might lose the challenge. I contributed a good amount, so I hope that the target won't be on me if ever we lose the challenge :( I really don't wanna go, and I wanna reunite with Dennis/Ellie and maybe Anastasia and get further in the game.

i worked hard on this confessional

Our tribe did our absolute best in this challenge. I have no idea who is getting targeted if we go to tribal as everyone is so quiet. All I know is that I want to keep Colin, Kenneth, and Keith close to me for this stage of the game. They are the only ones who consistently talk to me. Challenge results: Pendragon wins due to a 10% advantage, Hatter Tribe must go to tribal council the following day.

THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO GO TO A TRIBAL, ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!!

Look, before you go to tribal with a group of people it feels like there’s a barrier of game socialization because you haven’t been able to go to tribal with them. But leading up to tribal and after it, a whole new can of worms is available for game talk. Unfortunately it’s an extremely simple vote because Nya has ghosted all of us, but at least we still get to go to tribal so I can talk game with more people even if it’s only a small amount with this easy vote. But who knows, someone might decide to switch shit up!

And also I absolutely love this tribe (Minus Nya cause I haven’t met them) so I’m glad that I get to go forward with this group although I won’t be nearly as happy if we go to tribal again because as I said, I do enjoy this group of people a lot

Moth (Tumblr will only allow me 10 images so player banners stop now, whoops) I believe the only reason I will make it to the next round is because of Raffys advantage. I’d be so screwed otherwise

I like Babs. They got good vibes.

Also I’d kill to know how the other tribe reacted

Dennis in a perfect world i would try to not vote out nya but bdksksksoksks theyve done it to themselves. no need to make waves. unless someone else is secretly plotting on me i think this is about to be an easy tribal. damn one point. miss ellie had her name down on stuff that she didnt do. also overslept that first challenge is she purposey trying to sabotage and play the villain? who knowssss also ive broken my streak of never going to tribe tribal sigh

Toph So what’s happening, I can’t remember the last time I made a confession but the tea yall ?! Soooo the tribe swap happened and my gut was right soooo okay intuition work ! I feel like I really like everyone from the merge and nya as remained inactive since, after losing the challenge it seems like an easy vote but you can never be to safe, I have my little allinnce with Brayden and Ava which is wig and I really dig Ellie , Anastasia, and Dennis too, I’m gonna be so nervous if we have to go to tribal agian because it could be me ! I’m not to sure about Reilly but they seem nice ! I feel pretty good with Anastasia as well and feel we could rope her into an alliance easily, I’m just gonna due my best right now to play the middle, keep my head down and speak positively. I really need to find an idol or something even better just so I don’t have to worry as super much and just plain worry then lol. If anything I’m gonna stay loyal to brayden and Ava the most since there my day one homies. Brayden seems to be close with Anastasia which could definitely help in are favor of having the numbers on are side. But could mean he would easily cut me for her if needed, so that mean I need to get closer with Ava, just to gaurnetee my safety, I have to look out for me this game and only me, making sure the numbers are kn my side I’m constantly on the right side of the vote should help me strageticly float to the end and win my crown thank you very much. I’m also lowkey worried about alliance’s being made right now without me! Everyone seems to be online but my chats are a bit quite but this could be me overthinking things mmmhmm I’m not sure, we’ll anyways it was nice to vent to y’all. :)

Riley Nooooooo I can't believe we lost by just one point. Damn the Hatter tribe's secret bonus point boost >:(

Kenneth I am honestly in such a shock that we won that challenge... Raffy really came in clutch and helped us win AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now I don't have to worry about being randomly blindsided or targeted for at least a couple more days now pls I just hope we get lucky again and another swap happens where I would be on the right side of the numbers, all prepared for merge domination >:) Raffy Oof. I know the other tribe is MAD because I would be too. Like, we only won because of my advantage giving us a 1 POINT LEAD. That's crazy! Honestly, this works for me as I can still focus o n making strong social connections within this tribe. By the time we go to tribal, I will be so integrated with this tribe that voting me out would do a lot more short-term harm than long-term good. I want to see if Kenneth would start an alliance with me as that is someone I want to work closely with. In this alliance? I have no idea. I'll probably let Kenneth take the lead on that since I want him to feel like he is in charge. Dennis nothing is real

if i go tonight i would applaud it bc i am so sure nya is going. it would be a goop if the vote really wasnt nya but everyone is more or less trying to do the easy thing i think. i just hope she is okay and just too busy for dis.

some time has gone by and im just chilling. im not chilling because i feel safe, im chilling because i dont know what else to do. i cant be all game talk 24/7 because then im an outcast and would get targeted. besides the obvi alliances like a+b and maybe(?!?!??) an e(?!) in there, idk what alliances there are. like there has to be something but i dont have the picture yet. as yall know im not in any alliances in my current tribe besides i guess ellie who i fear is a saboteur lol and most likely working with a+b. a+b are such a double edged sword for me ugh. am i really in their best interests???????????????? am i really in ellies best interest???? do they know about her idol too?????????? likeeeee thats the issue. if im not really in their best interests then im the next to go after nya. i am probs very low if not the lowest on this tribe if dats true. i mean what if i really am in their best interests and theyre all genuinely trying to work with me? idk! if not then im next to go efuhijdhvbf and i fear im probably not.

i really like toph. taurus sun (in the 12th!) gemini everything else king. hes got social game on lock like who wouldnt wanna work with him ?! and hes a cutie ?! ?! ?! but i seen the chart -.- i know what hes doin. i think hes working with ellie. but he reaches out to me and probably others but i like our conversations. (but im sure everyone loves their conversations with toph!! hes great!!!!! friendly ol toph wont harm a fly ?!) i hope he likes me and sees i actually would wanna work with him above all the gorls and chooses me over them too.

ava also knows what theyre doing. saturnian legend. we barely talk but little short bits here and there. i hope its bc theyre busy but im sure ellie is talking to them more than me amongst others too. oop also possible alliance, brayden toph ava who all swapped together. so gotta keep that in mind. but yeah i dont really think im much of their priority esp if theyre on vacay they would hear a name and not stress too much if its mine bc we dont have ties like that.

riley and i talk here and there, had a lil chat today

someone once told me that i just look like someone you cant trust but you can :( sometimes :)

so yeah here i am having lots of thoughts over the last few days.

maybe im not super super invested just yet bc i feel like the rug is gonna get swept out right from under me again :))) also back on my bs telling people im a leo moon. i shouldnt weaponize astrology but hey.

[survivormetaverse]

Rites of Passage

Elle: I never met you, here's a joke!Never trust a pirate duck.They have the power to unleash the quackin'.🦆🏴‍☠️

Amy: I wish I got to meet you! You seem so wonderful.

Jodi: Hey Bri, we never got to play together but you destroyed my guy Jared’s perfect game in the first tribal council and I thought that was pretty funny. Cheers!

Elle: I was SO sad when you were voted out 🥲 because I figured we'd swap into the same tribe or make merge and we could work together and talk about Stardew Valley, I also started listening to the Penumbra podcast (which I know you listen to The Magnus Archives, but there's a lot of overlap between the fandoms so I thought maybeeee you had listened to it too) Anyway! It doesn't really matter I just was really sad when you were voted out ❤️Here's a joke ^_^: I asked a French speaking man if he played video games.He answered, "wii".

Amy: I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you. I loved your intro video and I had heard of you from past games. You seem so cool.

Jodi: Also never got to play with you, but Brayden told me you’re cool so hopefully I’ll meet you some time in a game!

Elle: I just know you from Kyoshi where you voted me out and we didn't really talk that much… so 😅 I hope you had fun in Metaverse?Here's a dad joke: My grandma started walking 5 miles a day when she was 65She’s 91 now! But we have NO idea where she is 🤷🏽‍♀️

Amy: I was so hoping to chat with you again because we barely got the chance in HB. You are wonderful and I hope to one day actually play on the same tribe as you!

Jodi: I heard you were my guy’s ride or die until you weren’t, you won the very first comp of the season so good job, hope to see you around in the community!

Elle: A truly unanimous vote, I never met you, but you dropped this, king 👑✨A joke: There once was a king who was exactly 12 inches tall!Terrible king, but he made a great ruler!📏🤴✨

Amy: The legend! All I know about you is you have some chaotic energy and I love that! 

Jodi: The truly unanimous vote of the season....we really wanted to give you your first W but you literally just did not show up even for your vote out. I still wonder to this day if you’ve found out you got voted out yet. Nevertheless, nice saying hi to you a couple times!

Elle: You were super nice and I'm sad that you were voted out as soon as you were 💔 we should've talked more when we were on the same tribe.You know every time I see a Jennifer Aniston movie, it seems like she's playing the same person.I guess she's a victim of Rachel profiling.

Amy: Girl I wish I got to know you better because once you came back online after the tribe swap you were so sweet. I really enjoyed your presence and I think the game could have been very different had we worked together. Wishing you all the best.

Jodi: I’m glad I got your vengeance :) Sorry you didn’t last longer in the game! Bye mittens

Elle: I don't know you, but here's a dad joke:Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.It was the least I could do for him🖌

Amy: Oh Danny how I wish it would have worked out with us two! You were so fun and I loved working with you but I’ll never forget sitting on call for an hour when you ghosted our challenge. I’m sorry it ended like that, but I hope we get to play again together because I adore your vibe!

Jodi: All my Fools paragraphs are going to involve Jared since that’s the only relation I have with you all, but Danny I heard you’re my guy’s other ride or die and he told you about his idol. I grilled him when he told me about it at the merge because damn you were connected. You would’ve told everyone (but everybody knew already lol) hope to see you around!

Elle: Ginnyyyyy 💔 I'm sorry I didn't really want to vote you out but I wasn't trying to ruffle any feathers that early into merge, I truly did believe you when you said you were done being chaotic. Your lipsync TikToks are very fun🎶A joke for you: What do you call a singing computer?A Dell! 🎤🎶

Amy: I’m so sorry girl. I didn’t want to see you go, but it was decided. I enjoyed playing this game together through all of premerge and making it through the cursed Fools tribe with you and sitting in that hour challenge call just vibing. I hope we can chat more in the future. I am wishing you all the best because you deserve great things.

Jodi: Girl, you were my first comp partner and I wish we got closer and could play together more. I really thought you were super connected with other Stings players and that’s why I had to boot you before the Jury phase, because I wasn’t sure I could get close enough with you to work together. Regardless, you were fun to have on Phantom and I hope we can cross paths again!

Elle: My Libra rising sibling ♎️✨ I wish we got to work together more in this game, without that ‘no items’ twist round you definitely would've made it far. Thank you for talking astrology with me, giving Colin your items which ended up helping my game too, and just the existence of Neptune 🥰 big Brookyln 99 "I've only known [Neptune] for a day but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself" vibes.Le joke: My partner just broke up with me. They're sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.It Taurus apart, I'm in Pisces writing this.(a second one): Why did the nurse carry a red pen?In case she needed to draw blood!💉

Amy: Dennis 😭😭😭!!! I am so so sorry you were voted out that way. There were whispers the previous round too and I was able to squash that, but for your round it was decided before I could act and I saw Colin being villainized for sticking up for you. I am so, so sorry for how things went. I so wish we would have stayed closer in this game because we could have done great things together! I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for our conversations before you went because without them I would not have flipped to protect Colin. You were our guardian angel. Thank you for giving Colin your gifts and still trusting me to confide in me. I hope we can play in another game together because I wanted to work with you from Day 1! You are incredible and I wish you all the good vibes in the world!

Jodi: Dennis, you truly were the one to watch this season, because your reads and intuition were amazing. That’s why I aligned with you, because I like working with other thinkers. I’m really sorry that I voted you out that round, because I knew that if I were to strike, I could not miss with you. I rightfully knew that you had something really good, in not just 1, but 2 idols. After going for 15.5 hours on that Hunt, I knew that the only person that could’ve beaten me was you. You pushed me to be a better player and you definitely made it a very tough hill for me to climb to get to this point. I’m not sure if you gave me your vote this time, and I understand if you didn’t, but I adore your love for the game and I hope that next time we can align and blaze through some games. I give you props for figuring out my game so early on and you were the one that kept me on my toes and pushed me to play harder. I have lots of respect for you as a person and a player of this game, I hope we can be friends after this. 

Elle: From our first real interaction I knew you should be someone I'd work with. Unfortunately, I didn't end up reaching out really until it was a bit too late 😅 And we kinda ended up on opposing ends… whoops!I still think we could get along really well! ☺️ We're both creative and funny (though my humor is more an… acquired taste 😂 dad jokes aren't for everyone, I suppose) and have a lot of the same pop culture references from that one challenge lol.I hope your first ORG experience was still a good one, though 💖. Maybe I'll get to ally with you in the future?Un joke: Whenever my artistic partner is sad, I let them draw on my body,It's always good to have a shoulder to crayon.🖍✨

Amy: Babs! I don’t know how many times I wrote to other contestants and my host chat “I just want to be friends with Babs!” I wish we could have chatted more because I absolutely adore your energy. I had the best times on call listening to you. And like you said, great minds think alike. Our double tie was so fun! Hope to chat more soon!

Jodi: Babs, I truly adore you and you were the light of the tribe. I understand that your vote out seemed like a big betrayal, but I truly did not want you to go there. Colin and Elle both played things and everyone else was immune. I had to pick between you and Jared and I just could not vote out Jared due to our relationship. I hope you can forgive me on a personal level after this and we can talk because a lot of my joy in this game came from you. 

Elle: Well, this turned out better than Kyoshi did between us 😅 so at least there's that. It was fun being allies for a sec, and here's hoping neither of us gets swap screwed in the future 😂.Your joke: I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

Amy: Brayden! Omg Brayden first I am so sorry I gave you that fake idol. I didn’t know it was going to you; I only knew it was going to second place. When Raffy told me it was you I was like omfg I accidentally gave a fake idol to one of my closest allies 🤦‍♀️. I want to see your creative challenge submission bc I think you probably deserved the win over me. Brayden, you were incredible in this game and I kept trying to see if you wanted to flip with me with some hints haha but you were closer with Jodi. Congratulations on graduating and on being Anastasia’s best friend! I loved getting to know you and working with you. I’m so sorry it ended the way it did. Hopefully I’ll see you in another game or mini! You’ll do great things!

Jodi: Brayden, I severely underestimated you in this game, even though I knew that you were going to be incredible since you’ve played before. When we met up at the merge, I was so grateful to have you be somebody I could bounce ideas off of. Anastasia and I said this later in the game, but you two and me and Jared should’ve come and done a 4-person alliance and rip through the late game. You were such a loyal ally and I really hope we get to play again some time. 

Elle: You have a very rational and sort of quietly analyzing mind that I noticed almost immediately and knew that I'd want you on my side, not only because I'd love to be allies with someone like that, but because I knew as an enemy you could easily be a death sentence.I appreciated your love for Survivor and lived in fear of a super idol since the first moment you mentioned their existence 😂. I really wish corn tribe could've made it to FTC 🌽💔, Ohioans for life! (I'm kidding I'm getting out of this state as soon as possible, but it was fun to bond over Ohio with you!)An edited! joke (see that was a slight joke right there… okay I'll see myself out): Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?It was an addition edition audition.

Amy: JAY! My Disney buddy!!! So I didn’t know Raffy and Jay Bee were going to expose me in that all or nothing tribal for being at Disney lol I was trying to keep it on the DL. Otherwise I would have freaked out more with you over WDW and your trip and my upcoming trip the next week haha!!! We have to catch up after this! I adore you and our chats. I hope you don’t have to sleep on any more chairs and you are having a great summer at work! Love your positive energy. You are on your way to big things!

Jodi: Jay, I have so much to say to you both about the game and about you as a person. As an ally, you were so loyal to me even when people were not nice to you about it, and you stood up for me and always had my back. You played your role in the game to perfection and people are mad about it just because you were never actually on the bottom. I’m sorry I had to vote you out because they made me force my hand. I love you to death and I am so glad we got to play this game together. Having this opportunity showed us that we can absolutely do this again and I will be your goat next time we play together. I promise. 

Elle: Colin 🥺🥺🥺💗 When I say I literally almost gave up on this game when you left (Amy can testify). We were a little devious team and it was so much funnn, Amy was the double agent super spy, you were the person on comms with all the connections and gadgets, and I was the nerd in the van planning out the heist routes and typing really fast until I look up really dramatically and say, "I'm in".Also here's the list of book reccs you asked for✨:

The Truly Devious series by Maureen Johnson, it’s a mysteryyyy and it's a lot of fun! A fun little cast of characters to get attached to ^_^

The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, I mentioned this one before, it's a classic but you can read it in one sitting And it's funny. We love to see it💕 Plus it's pride month and we love Victorian era gay poet/playwright/authors.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, Look. This book is amazing, it is queer🏳️‍🌈 (mlm protag relationship but also way more queer characters), it is well written, it's romantic as hell, it's spicy, I don't know how to describe how good it is I'm getting emo thinking about it read ittttttt 💖 (Casey McQuiston also has a new book out with a wlw relationship and we also love to see thattt✨)

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson. Okay soooo this isn't a mystery, but I feel like people into mystery novels would enjoy the way the plot unravels. Also I love this book. That is all ^_^ Also it is queer as well🏳️‍🌈, mlm relationship.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. Haven't read it, but from what I know about it and what books you said you were into and it's acclaim/reputation, I think you'd be into it.

Generally speaking, I am more in the YA/romance/fantasy side of things but I tried to tailor the list to things I genuinely think you'd enjoy ❤️A joke ^_^: Everyone tried so hard to figure out why Mr. Edwards changed his name to Mr. EvansBut after all these years, it's still a Mr. E

Amy: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!! I won’t even lie here before writing this I spent 20 minutes crying thinking about seeing you at FTC because I am just so sorry. I wanted to sit next to you as you won and I feel like I let you down. I am so sorry for how that round went. I was MAD mad after. When you said you, me, Elle F3 I was all in and when I lost you I made it my mission to get both Elle and myself to the end in your honor. I also regret not grabbing drinks with you in KC because that would have been absolutely hilarious even if our planned tribe fight didn’t pan out hahaha. I loved every second of working with you in this wild game. Your social game is incredible and I am so thankful to you for doing everything you did. I’ll never forget sitting on a 20 minute call with Brayden and Jodi about voting you out, hanging up, and immediately calling you to plan how to keep you safe. Sorry I didn’t tell you about the tricks up my sleeve, too. Thank you for making this game so fun to play that I ignored my family in Disney World. All my love ❤️

Jodi: Colin, I wasn’t quite sure what direction to go with this, but I’ll just be open and honest. I really did want to play this game with you, but after realizing the true threat of you having all of Dennis’ stuff (which was correct), I had to get rid of you not because I didn’t want to play, but just because I wanted my game in my own hands, and with 3 immune advantages, you were able to cruise from F7 to F4 with no risk. Sort of like James in China, you have to blindside them before they cruise to F4. That’s one less guaranteed spot for everybody, and I didn’t want to rely on whether you liked me enough to keep me around. For the same reasons that you were upset with Jared and Jay, I too, did not want to play somebody else’s game. I wanted to put my game in my own hands and that’s what I did. You were not supposed to go at F7, we were just trying to get rid of your idol. I was hoping you’d appreciate the gameplay that I was not willing to rely on riding coattails and be in someone else’s good graces to keep me around. Hopefully I’ve explained this well enough during FTC as well. I had no ill will, just wanted to play my own game, not somebody else’s. For the record, if I didn’t make it back into the game or got voted out again with you at the end, I was going to vote for you to win. You pushed me to play harder and be a better player because I knew you would not be easy to outwit and outplay. I’ve told many people this and I can respect and appreciate being outplayed. 

Elle: Joshhhh, my buddy 💔 I'm really sorry you got rocked out, Amy and I were willing to take the risk of being rocked out but we didn't tell you because you had voted for Colin the round previous. To be clear we were still willing to work with you, but the wound was kind of fresh and it seemed silly to give you sensitive information at the time. You did get past F8 this time! But I am sorry about going to rocks, didn't mean to lose you, king.A bit of humor: What does a panda use to make pancakes?A pan...duhI had multiple cooking themed onessss:A student baked a loaf of bread for home economics class.At the end of the class, his teacher returned the loaf and told him that he had gotten an A.The student said: “Thanks, that’s just what I kneaded.”

Amy: Josh I am so sorry you went out on rocks. I know that is the last way you wanted to go. You probably won’t forgive me but I really didn’t want you to go there. I was aiming for Jodi or Jared, but had already mentally prepared for rocks before the twist was announced. I truly hope you get to play again and not be victim to a twist or rocks. You are an absolutely incredible player which made me cautious and frustrated at times haha! Love your energy and I am manifesting that you get a new job that you absolutely love because you deserve it!

Jodi: We had such an incredible story arc to our games. We weren’t close on Phantom, got in touch on SEES, then grew apart again before my vote out, pulled off a beautiful move at F7, and continued to work together until you got rocked out at 6. You were the surprise blessing to my game. When you approached me at F7, I found light in my game again. You had the same agenda as I did, with the same intentions and same concerns. You gave me a real chance to reintegrate into this game and I’m so happy and grateful that you decided to trust me. On top of that, your energy and personality was super fun and I’m glad we got to have fun writing each other’s names down a couple times. I treasured your trust in me a lot and I really wanted to play to the end with you. I think you’d win the game if you were in my spot today. I hope we continue to be friends and good luck with your new game.

Elle: Thank you for remembering my birthday before Raffy reminded everyone 💛 that was very sweet and in my introduction I literally said if anyone remembered it I'd love them forever and then I proceeded to be on opposing sides with you… oops!

Granted, it wasn't really on purpose, I just happened to not be in that alliance of six people and that happened to kind of decide how lines were drawn for the rest of the game in a way.

Impressed with your sudoku skills, being on a tribal call during graduation (congrats again!), and with your coolheadness, if I had an idol while that chaos one was played you bet I'd be playing it 😂 you had a really good game and I hope you think so too ^_^

A fitting joke: If you keep trying the same sudoku puzzle, you willl eventually solve it.

It's just a numbers game, really.

Amy: Jared! You unintentionally became one of my biggest rivals because you are so good at this game! I envy your way to lie in such a believable way that I had to spend so much time convincing Colin you were lying even though I was copy/pasting your exact plan haha! You are great at challenges and frustrated me to no end when you would ONLY tell me lies. You are so smart and I can’t wait to see what you do next. For the cards that were dealt to you, you had an incredible game. Congratulations on graduating! I hope to see you in another game and actually get to work with you.

Jodi: Dear my beloved idol holder, thank you for being my in-game simp. Thank you for having your idol on deck at all times to use on me at my request :) Jared, by now I would’ve shared with everyone at FTC about our 10 year love affair, but I want you to know just how much playing this game has meant to me. After drifting apart for a good 7 years, I’m glad that Survivor brought us close again last year and that you signed up to do this. I couldn’t have played the game that I ended up playing without you despite you WANTING ME OUT AT F4. I’m glad we did this game before signing up for the show together. I cannot wait to do Blood Vs. Water 3 with you. Basing off of our track record this time, we’re going to kill it :)

Elle: Anastasiaaaaaaaaaa💔 I'm not sure how much left I have to say to you 😅 (I am writing this kinda right after tribal so I was talking to you like an hour ago). Congrats on graduating again!! And congrats on this game kinda jealous of your streak so far 😂 you've literally never done worse than F4 do you know how many people can say that? Not many!! Definitely not me lol.

Here's a dad joke!: How do you handle a redhead's temper?

Gingerly!

Amy: Anastasia you are absolutely incredible and I am so thankful Ginny put us in an alliance together on new Fools because I loved playing this game with you. We went back and forth on working together but every time I was glad we were both still together making it farther in the game. I truly meant when I said I would force fire for you, but I respect your decision. I am so sorry I had to keep things from you so much since you were closer with Brayden and Jodi. I hope to play another game with you because you make it so fun and you are such a great player and your social game is so good! I was so excited when you wanted to flip but I am sorry I couldn’t say yet that I already had. Congratulations on graduating and being absolutely incredible!

Jodi: Anastasia, you are the reason I got to the end, and I owe so much to you. In this game, I’ve had to play so dangerously, and my game heavily relied on having ride or dies have my back. When I came back in, we talked immediately about me throwing out your name and you writing my name down, but we got together instantly and made magic happen. You had my back and I had yours. We pulled the most iconic move in this game at the final 7 together (by now you’ll all have heard me talk about it, my plan to create immunity for 3 people) and I truly had you as my ride or die to the end. Thank you so much for playing with me, believing in me and recognizing the game that I played. I love you and can’t wait to be best friends with you and Brayden 

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go 

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh. 

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all. 

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings. 

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways. 

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh. 

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae. 

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it. 

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️ 

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds. 

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know. 

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

[survivesalem]

Episode 3 - “This music video is kinda hot to be quite honest.” - Raffy

I think this may be the end of me. The worst possible thing has happened. We are tribe swapping....I'm the only member of my tribe over here.....its a 5-1-1......oof Can I get an F in chat? Here's to good luck and hope that there is fracture within the 5.

I am kind of glad to be swapped because it means that I am no longer stuck with a losing tribe. But, it seems no one knows how to edit which just sucks because that will surely mean we will lose the challenge. On the plus side, I have Mac and Jay with me. Our alliance will be stronger than ever! However, Mac let slip earlier that he knows a lot more people than he lets on which means I will allow him to choose the target if we go to tribal council as I don't need to accidentally target someone he's friends with. I feel that I can make stronger connections on my current tribe way more easily than with my old tribe.

Ben and Evelyn went. Inacts. Bye. Now it’s swap. I’m down the street when I see the “Announcement” pop up and I’m like AHH SHIT. I look at the tribes.....I wouldn’t say I’m in danger but the division is literally 3-3-1. Jessie as the swing vote. I need to work my ass off or flip to get myself safe. Oof I’m worried. Butttttt MUSIC VIDEO CHALLENGE TIMEEEEE. I was away when people discussed the songs, and it’s literally some random song I’ve never heard of. I’d love to bitch and complain but also not, so I’ll just sell this fucking performance xoxo

So we get tribe swapped and I’m the only og tituba still on the tribe . Gonna list my thoughts on my new tribe members Raft - seems okay we played a game in the past we’re he got out early . Picked the music video song seems to be a take charge personality . Jay : haven’t spoken much don’t vibe yet . Seems very silent Jessie: wow Jessie, it’s finally your challenge please snap or you’ll probably be yeeted off the tribe Lukas: haven’t spoken . Don’t think he’s gonna reach out first so it’s gonna have to be me . Keegan/Harley: played atomic didn’t work together we said we are gonna work together this time so hopefully it happens Mac/ Oak tree man: THIS IS THE MAN I SENT PICTURES OF TREES TO IN ATOMIC. He passes my vibe check . Brien: I’ve actually met him and he seems genuinely hyped that we get to play together . Don’t think he’s voting me off soon Rn my biggest concerns on the tribe are Jay and Lukas due to lack of communication. I’m sure they already have connections most people tend to . Anyways yeah I’m just hoping we win this music video challenge because honestly I love our tribes ideas. Spooky spooky witchy witchy

Despite being hesitant about editing, I think I am actually doing a pretty good job at this! This is probably going to be the best music video I've ever put together. Brien was talking to me earlier about how he thinks this tribe isn't going to be based on tribal lines. That the game would be more dynamic if we play without it. But, here's the thing, I don't believe that. I think we need to get rid of an original Good member since one of those people will come back if we go to tribal. Plus he wanted to get info out of me already on my old tribe like.... we're not that close bro. At least not yet.

My dumbass not submitting any confessionals before episode 3. Gotta love that INV1 rating! So, lots has happened. Gizmo and Cameron are sneaky sneaks who have been playing all sides and just being chaotic little shits. Our tribe had multiple alliances by like day 2, even before the first challenge results. Slow down there! We ended up coming in second in a challenge but since 2/3 tribes we’re going To tribal we still had to go. Eve was voted out 4-1-1 against Cameron and ME! How dare they?? I think it was Eve who voted me but whatever. And then we swapped into two tribes! And this is basically Nova Scotia 2.0. We’ve got me and Mac and Jessie! We’ll see if that goes anywhere if we lose a challenge. (This rounds is music videos 🤮) So anyways Brien, Lukas and I are sticking together for a bit based on OG tribes, and I’ll see if I can’t get Jessie or Jay (who I just voted out of Atomic oop) to work with us. But that leaves Mac and Raffy in the outs? Who I both enjoy a lot. So, we’ll see what happens. I don’t see myself being a target right away but you never know.

Well, I did not like this challenge at all. I'm a pretty shy person so this was really out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately I wasn't able to film a whole lot due to having to travel this weekend, but! I still at least got something in to show I tried. I may have figured a way to get myself into majority which I really need. I just hope we can get it all sorted out today.

This music video is kinda hot to be quite honest. I think we're going to win, unless they have some editing god on the other side. I would be so disappointed in myself if we lost cause I'm just an amateur. However, I believe that people have appreciated my efforts as editor, so I will most likely survive this round. I just need to protect Jay and Mac. I hope they have started being social with everyone. On this tribe, I want to work with Jessie because she's in the middle of the tribe line split. I have not told Jay or Mac this because I want to keep my cards as close to my chest as possible in the pre-merge. I do not even know if I even want to work with anyone in the long term. In any case, I am hoping to target either Lukas or Brien. I have talked to Lukas the least which is problematic, and Brien is always on game mode seemingly. He's been talking strategy despite not even going to tribal. That's a potential threat. However, I am going to let other people take the lead for this vote. I just want to focus on socially and strategically positioning myself with people that like me.

so uhhh....we’re doing my least favorite challenge. Music videos are the bane of my existence. I always end up editing and I refuse to do it now. Paolo is supposed to be our editor, but he has gone AWOL. I mean...I could offer to edit, but like.....why not let Paolo lose the challenge for us and then vote him out? Seems like an easy option to me. 🤷🏼‍♂️

The swap Tituba tribe are safe. HOT. Now. I’m super happy since this is the first time this season I’m immune. I can’t talk game with Liam and I hate this. But omg I need Alex safe. I also need Liam safe. Hopefully someone flops and they can leave. If my tribe lost, I’m pretty sure I would’ve had the numbers to send Keegan home. I make Brien seem like he’s in control of the vote while working with Jay and Raffy for a 4-3 vote or a 5-2 vote. That difference would be if Jessie was on my side or not.

we lost. i’m excited to start the game and go to tribal. idk what i plan to do yet, but I have ideas about who I want to work with.

Sad days. It's my first tribal of the season in the post tribe swap, and I'm not really sure where I've ended up on the tribe. I haven't spoken a word to Alex, and I voted Zach out in a prior game, so I don't know if he'll hold that against me. I like Austin, Gizmo, and Dylan, but we've never had a chance to talk game or work together yet. I'm also nervous that people will target me since I did such a bad job at editing compared to the other team, but who knows. It's gonna be a free for all on my end.

The other tribe, Osbourne, is going to tribal. In our tribe, it’s a 3-3-1 split. On the other tribe, it’s a 5-1-1 split. The 1 person also has the 5 from the other tribe, making all six. That’s worrying. If one of those 5 don’t go home then we may have to throw a challenge or two and make sure the 1 leaves. The only issue, that 1 is Jessie, and I really like them as a person. My new tribe has 3 OG Good; Keegan, Lukas, Brien, as well as 3 Osbourne; myself, Jay and Raffy. Brien is the outlier with Lukas and Keegan being close. Brien fed me useful info of Gizmo being new and close to Lukas and Keegan. On my personal hitlist; is Lukas, Keegan and Austin. I don’t trust those 3 out of the people left in the cast, even despite me and Austin never interacting yet. Austin is sweet but their style gameplay is a lil cutthroat. Pretty much what I’m saying is whoever goes from the opposing tribe is who I target in this tribe when we go to tribal. Either Jessie, or the Keegan/Lukas duo. Anyways, stream Sour Candy by Lady Gaga ft BLACKPINK.

Keegan definitely voted for Cameron bc he was scared of an idol I’m fairly certain of it but I understand why he did so I’m not mad at him and I think I trust him on this new tribe more then Lukas. But I fear they are a duo and I wanna talk to Jessie and tell her my fears so she knows she can trust me and maybe me her and Keegan can be a group. I wanna work with Jessie bc I know her pregame and met her irl but the only problem is her original tribe has not lost a member and if we don’t vote her out here then the other tribe might stick together and get Alex and Gizmo out before turning on eachother then we could have all of them at a merge which would not be ideal. So I gotta weigh if keeping Jessie as an ally is worth that happening. I had a good convo with Mac Idk where will stand on this new tribe but I wanna work with him bc I think he will always be perceived as more threatening then me. He even bought up the idea of a tengagers alliance with everyone in the game that has a tengaged which is me him Liam Alex and Cameron we will see if all of us are still around come merge time but I’m excited to maybe make that reality once we merge. We both kinda agreed Austin is shady. Keegan Mac and Jessie all just played atomic together which worries me that they will want to stick together on this tribe but I definitely want to work with Mac and I need to make sure he knows it. Atm the person I’m least closest to on my tribe is Jay so if we lose I’d want to try to make a move on him possibly. I wanna work with raffy but he sketches me out in our pms and isn’t willing to give me any info. I fear Keegan and Lukas are too close and I’m a 3rd wheel for them I wanna see if I can enlist macs help to take one of them out maybe Lukas because he talks to me less then Keegan does

I can't believe that I won a music video challenge with my editing skills. I am so proud of that video! I am going to take the time that we are immune to bond more with my tribe. I think I have gotten the best vibes from Keegan and Jessie. Brien is middling. Lukas and I don't really connect that well. I think I am still good with Jay and Mac, so there's no worry on that front. Now that I edited my tribe to victory, they will all probably like me and want to work with me a lot more. There's the benefit of volunteering as editor hehe.

So right now I would definitely consider Mac my number one ally and I wanna keep that lowkey so no one sees us as a duo he suggested throwing the next 2 challenges to get a mix of Jessie, Keegan and Lukas out which is interesting and throwing challenges rarely works but I love going to tribal so Im not gonna say no to it. Plus if it helps gizmo stay in the game on the other tribe longer that’s good. I really like him and want to see him make the merge and then maybe we can work together at the merge Mac really seems to think merge will be at 12 and I’m not too sold on that we could have a swap or not merge at 12 So the way this tribe is it’s me and mad together and he is playing Raffy and jay and I’m playing Lukas and Keegan and idk where Jessie figures into all this but I feel bad that she may have to go simply for numbers sake if one of her original tribe doesn’t go at this tribal. I’m trying my best to be social with everyone and I think I’m a good spot to not go if we go to 2 or even 3 tribals in this tribe that’s another reason I’m not opposed to throwing the challenges. I don’t see a reason jay would trust Keegan after he voted him out in atomic so we may be able to get a 5 person majority against Keegan and Lukas who I made sure Mac knew they were right. Or if we have to we can maybe get a unanimous vote against Jessie. Mac and I made all these grand plans to make the end game and have specific numbers come merge but things never work out the way you plan them so I need to have a plans b through z at the ready and I don’t wanna put all my eggs in the Mac train atm even though I think I convinced him to trust me and he can until I feel I can’t beat him or he is more loyal to someone else *cough cough* Liam they are both hosts together on tengaged I played their game so they are close but mac is certainly trying to downplay it I need Keegan and Lukas to trust me until it’s too late for them. Will I have some remorse going for my original tribe ehh not really in games if I see I better route or a better opportunity I’m gonna take it. I think I’m the real swing vote when we have to go to tribal especially if Keegan really thinks he can get Jessie on our side. So that puts me in an interesting spot a spot where I could be loyal to my OG tribe or I could make a move a change the direction of my game for the better. It’s weird bc I’ll have enemies after I make my choice but I need to make sure the allies I make won’t turn on me after I side with them. Idk the choice I’m gonna make yet I need to weigh out the pros and cons and decide accordingly but one thing is for sure I’ll be in charge at the next vote

Well, we lost the music video challenge. Can't say I'm surprised, we took forever to get it together. There isn't as much activity on this tribe as far as I can see at least. I really want to survive this tribal. I think I've gotten myself into a good position. I'm in a 4 person alliance which is majority, but who knows if they're being honest. I'm currently trying to get in with the three other tribe members. If i can position myself as the swing vote I think that would be good for me at least for this vote.

Flirting with Brien is fun. Maybe that'll bring us closer and he'll be my goat hehe. But who can never be sure

Jay brought up in the alliance chat what we are going to do if we have to go to tribal in the future. He's just trying to get out there who would be receptive of working with us (me, Mac, and him). Jay says that he's talked the most with Brien and Lukas. That is strange because I barely talk to Lukas. I probably should get on that. I said I talked the most with Brien and Jessie. I really want to sell them on Jessie so that we can make her work with us which will help us gain a majority on this tribe without stepping on tribal lines. Mac has yet to wake up, so I'm waiting to see what he thinks. It sounds like our alliance might want to work with Brien eventually, but we shall see. I am very hesitant to even mention working with anyone because I do not want to step on toes so early on. Maybe I should try to keep my mouth shut on game talk and work on being social for the time being.

Mac is spilling the hot tea today. He wants to throw the next immunity challenge to take out either Keegan or Lukas. I am in love with this idea as it puts the target on Mac instead of myself since he was the one who said it. I will just let people fight my battles for me until merge to avoid the big target. Apparently, Keegan is a past winner and Lukas is popular in the community. So, if we take them out now, then we can set ourselves up in a power position late down the line. I can see why Mac made POTS. He is definitely a strategic threat and has a very analytical mind. When I backstab him, I need to do it swiftly and effectively. I hoping that Jay follows through with the plan. I believe that we will target Keegan as he has not been the most active in the chats at all. This could make him the easy vote out. I want to include Jessie in on the plan in order to establish a strong connection with her. This is so when we do merge that she won't fall back to her old tribe and will fall back to us.

So uh........,,.,,.,.,..,shit hit the fan. Apparently Austin is targeting Dylan and I do yeehaw. I think Dylan and I are going to try and pull votes for austin.

When that chat was created between Alex, Austin, Gizmo & Myself I knew I had to expose it! AND THAT'S WHAT YA BOI DID! Austin is a rat and I've had shady vibes from him since the beginning and this just confirmed it. I told Dylan, Paolo & Zach what Austin said and some certain people were not that happy. I think it's either Austin or Paolo going but I'm still not 100% but if I managed to get numbers for Austin I'm so SHOOK

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty) 

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe. 

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens. 

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe 

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me. 

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3 

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind! 

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting. 

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right 

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them! 

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass. 

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm

[ukulelewrites]

A Fanta-Sea

A/N: tagging @smols-n-tols bc they’re probably gonna be the ones naming this fic lmAo

Pairing: Wanna One’s Jihoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff (I’m actually getting the hang of it #bless)

Word Count: Roughly 1k

Summary: You, a rookie idol, have a chance encounter with Wanna One’s Park Jihoon, the boy that nae maeum seoge jeojang’d into your heart, in front of a vending machine backstage at M!Countdown.

You were walking down the hallways of the backstage area of M!Countdown with your group, MeloNic, trying to find your dressing room. Your leader, Hani, led the way through the bustling hallway and the remaining six of you followed suit, bowing to the sunbaes you passed by. “How much further are we going to walk? Heels are not the ideal shoes to be walking in,” the group’s maknae, Soorim, complained loudly from the back of the line. Hani shot her a quick glare before returning her attention back to the walls to find the small sign that indicated your dressing room. Hani then stopped abruptly in front of a door, causing you to bump into her, which caused the rest of your group members to just collide into you. 

“You know Hani, maybe the graceful royalty concept wasn’t such a great idea,” you muttered as you assessed the looks coming from the other groups standing in the hallway. “It doesn’t matter now, just get in the room, kids,” she said, once again, leading the way.

You were sprawled on the couch of the dressing room waiting for your members to finish up hair and make-up. A sense of boredom quickly overcame you as Soorim asks the stylist, once again, to redo her braid. “Hani, I’m gonna go to the water fountain,” you shouted over the ruckus of your other members before leaving the room. You found yourself aimlessly wandering the hallway until you reached the vending machine, looking longingly at the soda inside of it; you figured that one soda wouldn’t warrant a harsh scolding from your manager. However, as you were rummaging through your pockets, you realized you left your cash inside your bag, which was all the way back inside the dressing room. 

You let out a huff and proceeded to kick the machine until you heard a voice call out from behind you, “Uh, do you need some spare change?” You turned around to find yourself standing face to face with Wanna One’s Park Jihoon. Your eyes widened; it was common knowledge to your members and your fans that you happened to be a fan of Jihoon since the moment he “nae maeum seoge jeojang’d” into your heart, and it was common knowledge to everyone how obvious you made it known you were a fan of him. You prayed to God he didn’t have any free time to watch last week’s episode of Weekly Idol.

“Welcome to the show everyone, MeloNic!” Doni and Coni exclaimed before you and your group ran out onto the set. 

Hani counted, “1, 2, 3,” and the rest of you completed the greeting, “Me~ Lo~ Nic~ Hello everyone, we’re MeloNic!” 

Doni and Coni clapped for you guys before commenting, “That harmony in your introduction was nice, does that have to do something with your name?” 

As the good rookies you guys were, you nodded eagerly before Hani explained, “MeloNic comes from the combination of the words ‘melody’ and ‘harmonic’ which means that we wish to show you our perfect melody while working in harmony!” 

Fast forward to the profile rewriting time, and Doni commented on your profile, “It says here you’re a big fan of Wanna One’s Park Jihoon, care to elaborate on that?” You blushed at the mention of his name and slapped Soorim on the arm because you knew it was her that wrote such an incriminating fact on your profile. 

“Wannables, please do not misunderstand, I just admire the fact he is able to adapt so well to different concepts on stage, please do not misinterpret my admiration for something else,” you said, going through the generalized statement your company gave you the moment they found out you made your opinion public. 

However, Doni and Coni were not having it, “How about you send a video message to Jihoon? With aegyo, please!” Your members instantly cringed at the word “aegyo,” but Hani nudged your arm, telling you to do as you were said. 

A shy smile crept across your face as you began your message, “Uh, hello Jihoon-sunbaenim, I hope you’re healthy and well, I’m listening to Wanna One’s song well, and it’s ver-” 

Doni and Coni stopped you, “Sola, with aegyo, emphasis on aegyo. Try calling him ‘oppa’” You stared at them in horror; your group will be cast away to nugudom because of you. You tried protesting, but Hani nudged your arm. 

You pouted at your leader before turning towards the camera again, “Jihoon-oppa, neo maeum seoge jeojang!” You even did the little hand symbol with the alternating winks, just to give them the satisfactory video call they wanted. 

Coni stood up and clapped, “Beautiful, did you get that? Jihoon better watch this week’s episode!” You sunk lower into your seat.

“Uh, h-hello Jihoon-sunbaenim, uh, hello I a-am MeloNic’s main dancer, Sola,” you even bowed a perfect 90 degrees just so he couldn’t see your red cheeks. 

“Yeah, I saw you guys perform your new song on Inkigayo last week. ‘White Knight’ right? That’s what your comeback title is called right?” he was in front of the vending machine now, pondering over his options. 

“Uh yeah, it’s called ‘White Knight,’” you applauded yourself for not stuttering this time. 

Jihoon had inserted a bill at this point, “Yeah, your dance break at 2:30 is pretty cool.” You turned to him in shock, 2:30 was a fan dubbed name for your dance solo; the fact Jihoon knew the timing of it piqued your interests. 

“H-how did you know I have a dance break at exactly 2:30 in the song?” you asked. 

He pulled out two drinks from the machine, “Well, you see here, I was in the dorm one day watching Weekly Idol, and suddenly there was a video call directed towards me. Now after watching this adorable idol do aegyo just for me, I had to check them out. I just happened to become a fan for the group in the process, specifically their main dancer, and I am now proud to call myself a Melon.” 

You giggled at the way he unabashedly called himself a Melon, your group’s fans’ name, and blushed at the thought of Jihoon, the Park Jihoon, the nation’s wink fairy, being a fan of you. “T-thank you sunbaenim,” you bowed again, mainly to hide the reddening of your cheeks. 

“No problem, Sola, anyways, here’s your favorite soda as stated in your V-live from Sunday.” He handed you the can and walked away. You, still recovering from the encounter, stayed rooted in place, until you noticed something stuck to the bottom of the can. You flipped it over to find a sticky note that said, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Sola! I became a Melon overnight, and I’ve always wanted to talk to you. If you want, text me at xxx-xxxx, hope you enjoy the soda!” You smiled at the note and pocketed it, making a mental note of the soda Jihoon got for himself from the vending machine.

[siravron]

      MUNDAY QUESTIONS.   

1: name? leilani 2: (optional) desired name? n/a 3: nicknames? leila, lei, L, aesa 4: eye colour? dark brown. like, practically black 5: star sign? taurus 6: tol or smol? am v smol, 5′3″ T^T 7: favourite colour? purple, and all its varying magnificent shades 8: last thing you did? ATE SOME CHEESSY BITES PIZZAAAA, it was greasy and amazing, even if Im gonna have a stomach ache tonight 9: marvel or dc? depends on what we’re talking. movies? swing marvel. tv shows? both. animated shows? DC definitely 10: are you a napper? Not really? I rarely have to take a nap during the day, I’m either too alert to nap or I slept for half a day and therefore won’t let myself sleep more 11: whose a character who inspires you? Daisy Johnson, and more specifically the version shown in Agents of SHIELD. Here’s a woman who was passed around to foster homes, never able to stay long with one or another because they couldn’t handle her. She’s on her own and turns to hacking for some nasty folks, leading her to get picked up by SHIELD. From there she becomes a hero, she becomes a person with amazing abilities, tested and judged for what she is but never letting that stop her from being herself. Still pissed she’s not yet head of SHIELD, but she is a motherfucking idol. 12: is your room tidy/organized or untidy/scattered?: HAHAHAHHA...... It’s a mess. The most organized part is my bookshelf... and I cant reach it bc there’s shit piled up in front of it.... 13: coffee or tea? Teeaaa. I’m from the south, so yeah that means like, boiled on the stove in a saucepan, a shitload of sugar added in until you pretty much can’t taste the actual tea. it’s uncivilized but I can’t help loving it~ 14: favourite pastel shade/colour? lavender is so pretty 15: in your playlist/itunes library, what is the most played song? haha you guessed it another artist that’s with 99lives. Oceanside by 12 Feet Deep. It’s like my anthem. 16: if you were only given five foods/drinks to have for the rest of your life, what would they be? Oh gee. Well I’d hate to have no water available, and if I need something with flavor prob tea, cause that’s not too unhealthy if you drink in moderation w/ minimal sugar. Food tho? God give me pizza and curly fries and like. ice cream sandwhiches for a dessert. Can’t get enough of those 17: are you working towards a career or have one in mind? I’ve got my eyes on the field of animation, ideally like small screen tv shows. I want to be part of the movement that bridges that chasm between kids/teen shows and vulgar adults shows (not that they’re bad ofc!) here in the west. There’s no reason that animated shows can’t be thought provoking w/o being babied down or pandered for filth. 18: favourite movie? Ah man I gotta give that one to Treasure Planet. That’s always gonna be my fave. 19: what are your fears? What aren’t? jkjk, but like. I have a serious thing for heights and experiencing vertigo. I hate bugs and anything similar (creepy crawlies, small vermin). And I’ve discovered I really can’t stand watching really intimate violence? like slowly slicing people up and shit? Bc I get ghost sensations or start imagining what it’d feel like and just. NO. & finally, 20: what is your favourite holiday and explain why! I think I’d have to say Christmas honestly. I’m not the biggest fan of its draw to christian themes and idk, I don’t really love it for the gifts persay (though gifts are always nice to receive). But christmas means going to visit my grandma which, growing up, wasn’t something we did except for that holiday and then for summer vacation. Over the course of the night all the family would gather or drop by to say hi, have some yummy food that everyone baked. It means coming together to enjoy each other’s company, even if we may not all agree on shit or get along. 

                                             NOW TAG 10 PEOPLE!

　　　Tagged by: @starabe​ 　　　Tagging: !!! AAAAhhh i don’t wanna think of ten people... Am too lazy. So you! Yeah you, right there. Wanna do this thing? Cool.

[survivorkochang]

Rites of Passage

Here are Anna Janes and Tobis’ Rites of Passages!

Anna: Cullan! Aka Mercury! Man you were a trip, ok I just opened our messages because a lot has happened this game and I’m having a hard time remembering everything. AH, so I really liked Goodman and you wanted him out over Jayden and I hadn’t talked to Jayden a lot so I wasn’t down for it. Then I think you went for Mitch who was my ride or die and I wasn’t gonna have that. Then there was controversy of “who said Goodmans name!” but regardless, I think if you got further you would have been sooooo entertaining! I wish you nothing but the best and hope you continue to play orgs!

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( 

Tobi: Hihi so actually louise and I both knew you were leaving no matter what and we just voted with you so that our relationship in BAR wasn’t affected and it didn’t really matter in the end bc I flipped anyway LOL

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( JK but wow were you inactive lol, i mean you were in like 5 games and I’m sure Seamus forced you to play/wouldn’t let you withdraw your app so thats probably why LMAO uhh yeah i’m glad you were inactive because you scare me and i think we totally would have butt heads. Your vote out was pretty simple because tobi had got screwed over by his OG tribe and was looking to come over to my side, and you weren’t there so it was really easy. You’re an icon and i’m sure if you were active you would have easily made merge

Tobi: Hey sistur yes I did throw you under the bus and I apologize because it was either you or me and I didn’t want to leave so ya hope ur doing okay tho <3 icon

Anna: oh goodman, how i adored you. It was so obvious this was your first game and i really wanted to just tuck you under my wing and bring you to the end with me LOL but i think you had a hard time keeping secrets…. Like you told Frankie about the plan to blindside him and leave him out of the 2 tribal fiasco and i was like GOODMAN WTPPP but you were so sweet and genuine with me. I think once you get a hand on these orgs you’ll totally be able to rock them out! 

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: a LEGENDARY MESS wow, so like i don't know where to start, it was so funny because we hadn’t even had a conversation yet and you created an alliance with me nicole and mitch. I would like to THANK YOU for starting that alliance because with that, came the me/mitch and nicole alliance that lasted LITERALLY all the way to like f7. But the way you talked to me in the alliances was just very demanding and made me feel icky. I don't rly love being told what to do and in these games i will pretend like i’m following the orders of the people who are doing the demanding just to like boost their ego but in reality im just gonna do my own thing and do whats best for me. The minute u were like really demanding towards me was when i was like ok yeah this isnt gonna work. I like alliances to be a team effort and everyone can speak their mind and do what they want and idkkk it just wasn’t that in ours which is why i flipped on you. You’re truly an icon though!!

Tobi: Okay like noah fence but like you didn’t save me during that f14 tribal I saved myself by my own efforts and u kinda just tried to use that as leverage LMAO but I appreciate ur somewhat help <3

Anna:  Jayden! So you were an easy vote out at this point because it was 3-3 i believe, so it was me u and nicole. Zach was very controlling and i was doing the thing where i like pretend to listen to demands. I knew you were an easy vote out and you leaving wouldn’t impact my game later on so i allowed zach to pick you off. I knew that voting with zach would give me some trust with him so i figured why not, IM SORRY LOL but ya that's why i let you go. You’re a super cool guy and i had a lot of fun during the endurance challenge

Tobi: We didn’t get to talk much but you seemed really sweet and like I hope you’re doing good!!

Anna: oh BOY. first of all you were ROBBED of jury and that is terrible, the hosts should be shunned for that because that was gross. But zach, i enjoyed every conversation we had and you are SO charming. Unfortunately i could see right through it all because i've played too many of these games. I’ve also played with ppl like you so i know how you function LOL omg that sounds mean but like, you were playing like someone who needed control and needed people in his pockets and the way you did that was charming them and being very on top of it all. Does that make sense? The minute we had one world and i could talk to agus he said “zach is controlling my tribe, he has dylan/bo and jones in his pocket” i was like okay i understand. I had to allow myself to seem like someone who was less than you so that you didn’t see me as like a bigger threat than you. So i did that, i voted jayden out. I pretended to give you idol guesses etc. i couldn’t give you all of my trust because i knew that we could NEVER work out together. You were the leader of your tribe and i could be seen as the leader of mine. So if we had gotten any further together, it would have been an all out WAR like could you imagine??? AND i had an idol and SO DID YOU like we were going to go head to head at some point. So when the move presented itself i knew i had to take it so that i could gain the trust of the people that were in your pocket and remove a huge threat to my game. You leaving was so beneficial to me omg, i got jones as an ally from it! But anyway, my gosh are you a great player and i don't think i got to ask about your org history but there is NO way you havent won a game before. You are strong and well spoken and again SO CHARMING like well done, i’m sorry i had to blindside u lol but jones told me about your idol and she told me that you were catching on to me and like wanting nicole out so i was like it is time!! I hope ur doing well and i wish 1 day i could be as cool as u tbh

Tobi: Oh Zach, sorry for playing you as hard as I did but I was planning it ever since you and dylan lied to me at the double tribal thing and I reveled in getting revenge hehe…  I flipped wayyyy back at f14 and started to plan to take you and dylan out ever since then and it worked hehe but you’re definitely a cool guy and we had some awesome convos it was just a shame that the double tribal went the way it did but alas it was fun!

Anna:  :( i don’t know what to say. I was very transparent and honest about your vote out because you are such an awesome person and i value you very much. I do think if you weren’t taken out at this point, it would have been bad for me. I think u had allies in places i didn’t even know about and you are very strategic and just a smart person. Im gonna be honest though and say the main like nail in your coffin was the way jones was pushing me off of you, so in these games its important to separate relationships and like not be obvious about who you DON’T want out. Which is why i dont think many people knew mitch was my ride or die. Maybe because no one really wanted him out so i didnt have the opportunity to campaign for him? But the way jones was campaigning for you to stay was very very intense and made it very obvious that if you had stayed, i would be second in jones’ mind. So voting you out allowed me to become super close to jones and allow her to rely on me more than she would have if you had stayed. I guess you could credit jones for your vote out LMAO because like at first i was fine with going for bo over you because we are friends and i adored you but then jones was like crying and freaking out over you leaving so i was like yaaaaaaaaa sorry friend

Tobi: Ok hi so like we had like one conversation the entire season and you didn’t bother to message me back so that’s on you…  Anyway like if you read zach’s rop you’d know the reason that I flipped was because both of you lied and expected me to be okay with it (which i obviously wasn’t then yall got merge boots lmao) and on TOP of that you throw me under the bus to louise who was the only person i could have a sense of trust with at the f14 tribal… like you reap what you sow sis idk what else to say bc that combination of actions really set me on a mission to take you and zach out xo

Anna: BO!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW you were honestly one of my favorite people in this game because you were so entertaining holy shit like the definition of a messy player, if they have a messy player season than wow are you ON IT. so your vote out was really funny because i was moving into my apartment so i was NOT online. I actually thought there was a chance that i could get voted out at that point. So the whole time i was like yes we can go for david its fine lets do it no problem. I had the votes and it was going to work out but THAN YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You literally went and told david that i was gonna vote him YOU SENT A QUOTE! So then ofc i flipped the switch back onto you and it was no problem but oh my gosh if you had just not gone and told david the plan you wouldn’t have gone home! That move 100% was the reason you received my vote, i hope u play more games because you’re such a character and i had a lot of fun playing with you even though you made me want to rip my hair out at some points

Tobi: You’re a sweet kid and you did good for your first org but you also shot yourself in the foot at your vote out… like literally you weren’t the one who was supposed to go… david was but you HAD to tell david about it which made zero sense considering that vote was between you and david lol… but i dont really hold it against you since im sure you were trying your best hehe!! Hope you’re doing good and you play in more orgs!

Anna: i would like to thank u for ruining my potential perfect game (im writing this before FIC so hence potential) r u d e. BUT my love for you extends so far it could reach where you live and come back to where i live and go back and forth 20834324320842 times. You have been a close friend of mine since JPORG but unfortunately this game we just weren’t on the same side of the tracks. And unfortunately, my side had more people lol but yeah your vote out was simple. We went into that challenge knowing that if you lost, you would go home. If you had won, david would go home. I was lowkey really nervous when you started to like pitch against me lol but i really knew that 1 of the people on my side would tell me so i could idol so i wasn’t like waste my idol nervous if you know what i mean. But i adore you, you’re a scary player and the minute i saw your name on the cast reveal i thought “oh no” because you play like i do, you aren’t afraid to be the big dog and you aren’t afraid to make the moves you need to make when you need to make them. I could sing your praises for days Agustin and you know that.

Tobi: Yoo like i liked talking to you and all and we were on the same page for a lot of the season BUT in my plans to get revenge on zach and dylan i aligned with a group that sadly didn’t include you in it but yeah it was really fun playing with you and omg i LOVED when you called me out in tribal like that was so fun and i really enjoyed it!!

Anna: david, david, david. Your vote out was the craziest and most intense tribal of the game for me. It opened my eyes to so much and allowed me to really dig deep and see what i had to do to get further. So we connected since the beginning and i made sure to watch out for you BUT i saw you as a threat. I saw you as someone who could beat me at challenges and i knew from the beginning of merge that i had to pick off the people that could stop me from winning mandatory immunities. So with that in my head AND the thought that you would be the first to flip on me in the u/me/mitch/tobi/nicole alliance, i knew that you had to go sooner than later. So you found out about nicoles idol and jones and tobi both told me. And then you WOULDN’T tell me who told you about the idol so i went to mitch and was like “hey david told me you told him about my and nicoles idol” even though you didn’t just so i could bait him. It worked, he admitted it. THAT MOMENT WAS CRUCIAL TO EVERYTHING OH MY GOD but yeah i knew that tobi and jones were with me and tobi did NOT benefit at all by voting out nicole. Thats what i dont think a lot of people understood, ya’ll kept trying to pick nicole off to get at me but tobi’s only win con was sitting next to nicole……. So thats how i knew he wasn’t going to do that all the times ya’ll tried it. But yeah, i told you i was voting you out and you know i adore you as a person. I think you’re a bomb ass player and you def gave me a run for my money lol

Tobi: Hey bud so like i know i played you and mitch pretty hard at your vote out and like it was absolutely nothing personal but it was kinda obvious that you and mitch were closer to together than you were to me so like working with you two wasnt super optimal for me and like taking you out helped me achieve a few things like taking out a challenge threat and it threw mitch under the bus which let me last another 2 rounds so like ya that was my thought process behind it and I hope you’re doing well 

Anna: mitch. My GOD did you play me good. You were in my DMs saying how you want me to win and you are so dyingly loyal and blah blah AND THEN YOU FLIPPED ON ME BUT NOT ONLY DID YOU FLIP ON ME BUT YOU FLIPPED ON MY TOOOOOO EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, 

i think of all the ppl that were like GET ANNA OUT GET ANNA OUT u were the person who i think could do it. But regardless, you were my person in this game. Like yes nicole was too but nicole wasn’t online enough to rly RLY be my person that i strategize with and talk to all the time. Like i told you all of my plans and we made moves together. I would NEVER say you were in my pocket and i can honestly say sitting at f3 that i don’t think you were. We were a team and we made moves together. We made plans together, we got the idols together. You and me did this together and i will never take that for granted. I had SO MUCH FUN playing with you mitch and becoming FRIENDS with you and really getting to know you. Our friendship is something i will take away from this game and i am so happy about that. You’re a bad ass mitch, thank you for playing this game by my side

Tobi: Lord like honestly our relationship is so rocky KJHLKJ like im gonna be real and say like I lied maybe a lil too much BUT it was for strategic reasons and letting david go and letting you take the hit for it really let me get through a few rounds with one move and like I also apologize about your own vote out like okay honestly i was already pretty leaning towards voting you out already but then when aj told me you wanted to vote me out (a plan which neither you or jones told me about) really sealed the deal and like i also was in a peculiar situation because nicole is the only person I have a real chance of beating in that f5 so it would've been really dumb for me to vote her out so yeah okay like i always feel like i wanna work with you but our plans never seem to work with each other KJHLKJ but i definitely hope we can work together if we meet each other again!!

Anna: jones, im getting exhausted writing all these but i really want to like be genuine and honest in all of them so here we go, I adore u wow, u are such an honest genuine soul that i know is seriously going to do amazing things in orgs and just life in general. Like i told you, you remind me of myself when i first started playing (which is a good and a bad thing LOL) but you are intense, you are confident in your game, and you are powerful. You should be proud of the way you played and excited for the games you play in the future. Your vote out was actually wild because at no point at all was i ever considering voting tobi out. So you were FLOODING me with messages, emotional intense messages that made me want to rip my hair out. Because you were telling me you weren’t gonna vote tobi, and then you were, and then you weren’t again and i was so confused because your ONLY argument with me was voting tobi out because i told you i was never ever going to vote nicole. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE WANTED TO VOTE OUT NICOLE FOR SO MANY REASONS. But thats neither here nor there lol but yeah you were very aggressive and i was sooo taken back by it. It pretty much solidified my vote for you because tobi wasn’t begging for his life lol which like shows me that YOU were going to fuckin woop my ass at FIC and give the same amount of effort that im about to give to it, like girl you did the logic puzzle for 3 HOURS!!! you just dont give up. You would have fought tooth and nail to wipe the floor with me at that FIC and you cant deny that! But yeah, the begging and the emotional messages def helped ensure me voting for you. AND THEN FUCKIN NICOLE WASNT ONLINE. So this is actually wild what i did here and im sorry in advance but she wasn’t on and i knew me and tobi were voting you so i went to you and was like yo…. Tobi doesn’t have any votes against him you should make him join the votes club OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND YOU SAID YES SO MY LITTLE DEVIL BRAIN WAS LIKE YES BITCH 2-1-1, if you voted nicole it would have been fire making and nicole would have possibly lost. It was genius, it was cruel and i am sorry but i had to do it……… tobi knew too!!!! Ok im tired this was dumb i hate ROP, i adore you, you’re gonna kill muxloe but my one little snippet of advice is to NOT invest yourself into these games in an unhealthy way. I know this from experience because when i first got 4th my first game i SOBBED, the second time i got 4th I SOBBED the first time i got 2nd I SOBBED the second time i got 2nd I SOBBED and like when i say sobbed i mean it tore me up and i was mad and sad and just hurt emotionally so i GET IT. i get it, but its not good for your health!!!! Like once i learned to stop playing like that it helped me soooo much (it took me literally until this game sooooooooooooooooooooo im trash but still) I LOVE U JONESY GUACEY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tobi: Ahhh jones you were honestly a joy to talk to and like I really enjoyed working with you!! Especially on that vote where we successfully flushed nicole’s idol which was honestly like 200iq stuff KLJHKJ and I feel like I came into f5/f4 being like the second least likely person to win with you and AJ being the most likely to win so at f4 the pressure was really on me because it was a choice of definitely making final tribal council but probably losing or having to work so much harder to make final tribal council but also having a real chance to win… and in the end i did what was best for my  game and i’m glad you understood that… but highkey i felt so bad that you voted for me bc if you voted for nicole you legit would’ve put firemaking into play KJHSDF but anyways it was really nice getting to meet you and know you hehe

Anna: I love u with my whole heart and I hope ur okay, I had to write this very fast so I can’t write it how I want to but just know I’m so appreciative of you and am glad I got to know you through this game

Tobi: hihi so like i really do appreciate everything we've done here together and like i really enjoyed our talks and stuff but you just went inactive (for personal reasons which i understand) but like you getting removed at f3 completely fucked over my game LKJHDSLFKJHA but like all that's really important is that you take care of your own stuff okay hehe luv u beecole <#