#i finally have my own designs for the rest of the mane 7

[twilidragonrin-art]

Oh dear...

[bishopony]

Ohhh buddy I have THOUGHTS (This is so long, I'm so sorry)

1. I actually like Twilight better as a unicorn, she should never have became an Alicorn. (And that's coming from someone who first started watching around S5)

2. However, if Twilight becomes an Alicorn then all the Mane 6 should have been Alicorns. Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity did just as much as Twilight! Where are their wings/horns?

(That would have been awesome for the rest of the series!)

3. You are 100% right the tree castle is horrible. It's so barren and empty and so clearly made to sell toys. The library was nice and cozy and fit Twilight perfectly.

4. I absolutely hate redeemed Starlight Glimmer. Words cannot describe how much I despise this mare. You mean to tell me Twilight would throw a child into hell but let Starlight I-broke-space-time Glimmer go?? Absolutely not.

(Sunset Shimmer is a thousand times better and everything Starlight wishes she could be)

5. I actually like that Cozy Glow doesn’t have a backstory. Sometimes villains are just evil to be evil.

That being said, they should have at least tried to reform Cozy Glow. At the bare minimum put her somewhere other than (I can't stress this enough) PONY HELL!! She's like 12 Twilight holy shit-

6. Not enough people read the G4 comics. In fact, you should stop reading this ask and go read the comics instead. Most of them are online for free. I recommend The Return of Queen Chrysalis (1-4), Reflections (17-20), and Siege of the Crystal Empire (31-34).

7. MLP G5 isn't actually that bad, but it took too long to get off the ground. By the time it went from mediocre to good, most people didn't care. (Also Hasbro got greedy and G5 paid the price, but that's a rant for another day)

Also G5 should have been it's own thing, with no ties to G4.

8. Celestia and Luna should not have retired. Celestia I can understand, but Luna? Poor Luna just got back to Earth (or whatever the planet's called), no way is she retiring like 5 years in.

9. The CMC all having the same cutie mark was dumb. (And felt like a cop-out. Let my girls be unique!) Also the cutie mark designs themselves are just the ugliest things ever. Did no one teach that designer color theory??

10. King Sombra is best villain. However they should have picked literally anyone else to voice him in Season 9. Or even have the VA do a different voice! It's not even a bad voice, it's just not King Sombra's voice.

11. The Apples and the Pies are not related. Let me ship Marble Pie and Big Mac in peace. Let people ship Applejack and Pinkie Pie in peace.

12. Sugar Belle and Big Mac are a terrible couple. Maybe they were fine off-screen, but all we see is miscommunication. The only way that marriage is ending is in divorce.

13. I actually like that EQG used pony skin tones instead of human ones. That being said, there was way too much whitewashing—just use the pony's actual coat colors. I promise you can give Luna dark blue skin and it'll be fine. (How the fuck did Habro make the character with literally white skin even whiter?? HOW?? WHY???)

14. And finally (holds up megaphone): Just because Applejack and Rainbow Dash were seen together in the end, that doesn’t automatically mean they’re a couple!!!! —Sincerely, someone who thinks AJ and Rainbow are too similar to be a couple.

Ooooo ok cool I also have some thoughts LMAO. long post so read under the cut

I also like Twilight as a unicorn more than an alicorn but I do think it was right for her to become one since it was the climax of her character arc. The problem is that the show was meant to end after she became an alicorn and it went on for several more season :,) I think she was an alicorn for far too long

Not really sure I agree with this since it was only Twilight's destiny to become an alicorn. While it would've been cool to see them as alicorns and the whole mane 6 put forth equal effort to saving equestria, it just wasn't meant to be lol.

i saw someone's AU where the castle looked more like the student 6's tree of harmony and I like that a lot more, THAT'S how you design a crystal tree house ^^'

I like Starlight Glimmer and her unconventional approaches to problem solving, but man she did get off way easy for nearly destroying the world. I mean, idk, community service or something? Also why is Cozy Glow, a child, in pony hell? Why was she trapped in stone? How did the writers think that was an appropriate punishment but other characters like Starlight and Discord get redemptions? ToT

agreeing, no extra notes lol

I have a few of them! I've read the Nightmare Rarity and mirrorverse ones, I really love the comics

Agree with this one as well. G5's issues all come from Hasbro wanting to make even more money off of G4 and not allowing G5 to be its own thing like it should have. Hasbro, a toy company, should have made way more collectible G5 merch instead of the same cheap brushables of the same 4 characters over and over. I also saw someone on twitter make a good point that the G5 show should've aired on disney+ instead of netflix since that's what most families have nowadays. truly, G5 is just a victim of corporate greed

Yeah I always felt bad for Luna for that lol. If Celestia wants to retire good for her, but at least Luna should've have stuck around and helped Twilight. Can't image Ruler of Equestria is something you just get used to immediately, esp as one person instead of two like before

Totally agree, no extra notes

He's not my favorite villain, but he is fun, and they could've gotten a better VA for him lol. Or at least changed the direction for his voice? The VA is skilled and sounds good but the voice was a little too smooth IMO.

Yeah it was never actually confirmed so it's not canon. I wouldn't worry about shipping them cause the show writers clearly don't care lol

It's kind of forced imo. They're two random characters and I think they just wanted to use Sugar Belle again. I don't remember that episode well but ig discord was stopping them from seeing each other? idk they should've just gone straight to each other. just not anything I'm invested in

Agreed, they should've had their actual pony colors if they're not gonna have realistic skin. It was weird that rarity became pure white and luna was lightened so heavily. and why is celestia pink. if they were trying to avoid racially coding the characters they certainly failed that cause it just implies that they're all white

I think some of the writers said it was canon? Or at least implied since hasbro wouldn't let them confirm it outright. I don't like appledash either way, and can just pretend it isn't real lol.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Dances and Daggers

Summary:   The Summer Festival is upon Asgard, as is the tradition of the dagger ceremony, where each unmarried gentleman chooses a lady to bestow with the honor of carrying his dagger for the night. As Prince Thor’s betrothed, Teki’s only goal is to accept his dagger with grace and hope that her violent stepfather doesn’t find fault with her in the process. But Prince Thor is unpredictable, and when he ignores his engagement on a whim Teki finds herself in a desperate situation. Luckily, Thor isn’t the only prince in Asgard…

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Chapter 7: The Gatekeeper

Previous Chapter |  Next Chapter

Word Count: 2,044

Chapter Summary:  A trip across the Rainbow Bridge seems in order.

Thanks for reading! :)

TW: mentions of child abuse

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae

if you want to be tagged, just send me an ask! :)

Read it on Ao3!

“It doesn’t mention anything about him leaving at all?”

Teki shook her head. “No, nothing.”

She and the prince were huddled in one of the back tables of the library, flipping through the pages of her father’s journal in search of some kind of clue. Teki had wondered if Loki would even be interested in continuing to help her—her life was such a mess, she didn’t see why anyone would want to willingly jump in—but he seemed just as eager to find her father as she was.

Although, neither of them had any idea as to where to start.

Loki had suggested beginning with the journal, since that was their main lead. “If he wrote in it every day, then he probably mentioned something about leaving, right?” he asked. “That couldn’t have been a decision he took lightly.”

Teki thought so as well, but the more she looked, the more it appeared that her father had done nothing of the sort. When he wasn’t writing ballads, it seemed the only thing he wrote about was her.

Teki and I went into town today to watch the parade. She was ecstatic—especially fascinated by the violinists. She’s been dancing around the room, pretending to play violin all night long. She says that she wants to learn, and I have half a mind to start teaching her. After all, she’s picked up the piano like it was nothing. Such a musical heart—I’m so proud of her.

Seeing her name—her nickname, that is—written in her father’s handwriting took her back to the letter he had left behind, the one that dissolved his marriage and rejected her as his daughter.

My dear Tekla…

That letter had been in the box too, along with several other letters he had exchanged with her mother before they were married. Rereading it for the first time since he had left, Teki was once again struck with the belief that there was something dubious about her father’s message. The whole thing was so stilted, so emotionless. It felt… it felt scripted. As if his hand was only transcribing another’s words.

And he called her Tekla.

Next to her, Loki sat straight up. “Why, we don’t have to look through all this!” he cried. “I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before!”

She frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Heimdall!” Loki stood, grinning. “He sees everyone in the universe. We can just ask him where your father is.”

Teki’s heart stuttered. The Gatekeeper stood at the edge of the Bifrost, eyes that protected Asgard from the threats that lurked beyond. Asking him to check for her father seemed… disrespectful. “Are we—are we allowed to do that?”

The prince laughed. “Why wouldn’t we be?” He pulled her to her feet. “Come on, let’s go!”

“I—now?”

“Why not?” He hesitated. “Unless—if you’d prefer, I could just—”

“No.” Teki inhaled. Loki was right. This could be the best way to find her father. It was time she got over her fear of … everything. She took his hand. “Let’s go.”

…

They rode out to the Rainbow Bridge together on Loki’s horse. It was… a bit odd, to be sharing the reins with someone, but Teki didn’t have her own horse and wasn’t keen to wait for the stable hands to pick one out for her. It wouldn’t have even mattered anyways, because they didn’t have any sidesaddles on hand, and Teki knew that in the time it would have taken her to change into slacks, she would have talked herself out of going at all. Instead, she found herself perched awkwardly in the front of Loki’s nightmare black mare, Brynja.

“You—you can still see, right?” she asked as Loki shifted in the saddle behind her.

He hummed in affirmation. “Um—I think—” his hand fluttered stiffly at her waste. “Would it be alright if I—if I held on to you?” Teki twisted around to see his cheeks were bright pink. It reminded her of the night of his Nameday Feast, when she had to ask him to lace her dress up, and her face flushed as well.

Loki coughed. “Just so you don’t fall off,” he added quickly. “Apologies, it’s just that I’ve never ridden like this, and—”

“No, it’s fine,” she interrupted quietly. “You can… hold on to me.” For a moment, Loki didn’t move. Then, very slowly, he brought his arm to rest across her stomach, holding her to his torso. Teki forgot how to breathe.

“Ready?” he whispered, the little puff of breath ticking her hair. She giggled, nodding. With a click of his tongue, Loki spurred the horse forward. Teki was soon grateful for his arm at her waist, because she was certain that without it, she would’ve gone flying when they shot forward like a cannonball.

“Oh!”

She had never ridden across the Bifrost before. Teki could only cling to Brynja’s mane and try not to scream as colors whizzed across her vision, speeding high above the rolling waves of the Asgardian ocean. Loki shouted something, but she couldn’t hear him above the wind roaring in her ears.

By the time they had reached Himinbjorg, she was panting as if she had been the one racing for miles. Loki laughed.

“Have you never galloped before?”

She bristled. “I’ve galloped.” But riding horseback had never been one of Teki’s favorite hobbies, and she felt Loki could tell.

Smiling, he jumped to the ground, helping her slide down as well and offering her his arm. “Let’s go.”

She took it haltingly. “We—we just go in?” she asked. “Don’t we have to… announce ourselves?”

Loki laughed again. “He sees everything! He already knows we’re here.”

“Wait.” Teki froze. “Everything? He sees everything? Even—” Even Osvald?

For a moment, the prince seemed confused, but realization flashed across his face.

“Yes, but Heimdall doesn’t interfere with what he sees, not unless there’s significant threat to Asgard,” he reassured her. Something dark passed across his face. “Not even when he should.”

Teki swallowed. Loki had so far honored his promise to keep what he knew of her family’s dynamic to himself, but he made no secret of the fact that he thought she should tell some higher authority. He was convinced that Osvald could be stopped by someone like his mother. Teki wished she shared his optimism.

Walking into Himinbjorg was like stepping into a whole other world. The spherical walls glowed with an archaic power that seemed to vibrate through her every fiber. The very air seemed to have a different taste, as if flavored by the intricacies of the cosmos. She needed no knowledge of the Bifrost to understand this was sacred ground.

In the middle of the room, a figure stood on the raised platform still as a statue, a golden silhouette cutting through the multicolored stains of the galactic skyline. The curved horns of his helmet glistened in the starlight, completely motionless as Teki and Loki entered.

The prince inhaled. “Good Heimdall,” he said. His voice had taken on a very grandiose tone, and Teki had to suppress the urge to laugh. “We wish to ask a favor—”

Heimdall turned, and the urge died almost instantly. The watcher of the worlds was an imposing form. His helmet cast his face in shadow as he stepped forward, his intricate golden armor echoing the design of the hilt of the giant sword he clutched in his hands. But it was his eyes that sent shivers down her spine. His deep orange irises bored deep into soul, as if he was seeing things about her that she didn’t even know herself. She quickly dropped her eyes to the ground.

When he spoke, it was in a deep baritone that boasted of ancient wisdom. “I know why you’re here.” Even when she wasn’t looking, she felt the weight of his stare. “Lady Tekla. I cannot give you that for which you search.”

“We only wish to know the whereabouts of her father.” Loki interjected. “Steinn—” he looked to Teki questioningly.

“Kjellson,” she whispered. “Steinn Kjellson.” She pulled her gaze from the metal floor, forcing herself to meet his piercing eyes. “Do—do you know where he is?”

He was still looking at her, studying her intently as if she were a piece in an art display. Teki realized suddenly that he had not looked at Loki once since they arrived at Himinbjorg. She squirmed.

“I know of whom you speak,” he said finally. “But it is not my place to speak on the matter.”

“What do you mean?” Loki demanded, frowning. “Is your place not to serve Asgard, and her royal family?” He motioned towards Teki. “She is to be your Queen.”

Heimdall’s gaze didn’t waver. “You’re not asking the right question,” he said directly to her.

“I—what?” What right question? Flickers of irritation began to burn at her nerves. “Can’t you see him?” she asked.

Heimdall only stared.

She scowled. “I haven’t seen my father in years!” she snapped. “Can you at least tell me if he’s safe?”

“You’re not asking the right question,” he repeated.

With a huff, she turned to Loki. “This is a waste of time. He’s not helping us.” The prince nodded, glaring at Heimdall.

“It’s time we left,” he agreed. He held her hand as they stormed out of the building together.

Even as Loki helped her back on to Brynja’s back, Teki felt the gatekeeper’s gaze entrapping her in its scope. She turned around to find that Heimdall had not budged an inch from where they left him, orange eyes piercing hers. She balked.

You’re not asking the right question.

But what other question was there to ask? All she wanted to know was where her father had went. What other way could she ask that? Teki glowered as Loki pulled himself into the saddle.

“I’m sorry Teki,” he was saying. “I really thought he could help.”

“You were right,” she mumbled bitterly. “He could help. He just didn’t.”

Loki sighed, urging Brynja forward, but not too fast yet. “We’ll have to try something else,” he mused. “You said your father used to work as a court musician?”

“Yes. He quit when he married my mother.” Teki pulled at her sash. When she was little, she had always imagined what it would be like to be the daughter of a court musician, what it would be like to not have to worry about curtseys or tea time, to spend her days helping her father prepare for his performances. She had always felt he wished he hadn’t had to leave the musical troop, picked up on the longing even though he did his best to mask it.

“It’s a good thing I’m not in the troop anymore,” he had joked wistfully with her once, after she had finished playing one of his piano pieces without sheet music for the first time. “You’d have me right out of a job!”

Back in the present, Loki seemed to be engrossed in some idea. “Do you know any of his fellow players?” he asked.

Teki frowned. “No. By the time I was born he wasn’t involved with them anymore.” She turned around to face the prince. “Why?”

His face was scrunched up in thought. “Well, maybe they know something,” he said. “If they were close enough, they may have some idea as to where he went. We can check the court records, figure out who was with him when he was working.”

She cocked her head to the side. “You know, there might be something there.” The bitterness in her throat from their visit with Heimdall begin to melt away. She smiled shyly at the prince. “Thank you.”

Loki let out an embarrassed chuckle. “For what?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Everything. Helping me.” Her cheeks were burning. Why was she always such a failure when it came to speaking?

But Loki didn’t seem to mind. “Of course.” He leaned forward to wrap his arm around her waist once more. “Are you ready to go?”

She nodded, unable to hold in her squeal as they shot out once more across the Rainbow Bridge.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Baby queen’s first word and steps; Queen x toddler reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well here we are with another request. This time this one came from my wattpad and it was fairly recently given to me so I just got it done and it’s too adorable to be kept on just wattpad for a few days before I also posted it onto here. So no warnings on this really except TEETH-ROTTING, UNADULTERATED FLUFF (with maybe a hint of swearing) but other than that enjoy you lovely darlings. 

Edit 7-9-19*

SEQUEL IS OUT. PT. 2 I REPEAT PT.2 IS NOW OUT. Click here for the second part.

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@geek-and-proud

____________________________________________________________

*1974*

Rising star and front man of Queen Freddie Mercury had just woken up to see the sun blazing in through the curtains of his and Mary’s apartment.  He reached over to feel if the love of his life was still in bed only to feel it empty and cold.  He looked up and saw a note lying there along her pillow.  He picked it up and it read out.

Work called in earlier than I expected. So sorry I couldn’t stay to greet you Freddie. Have a good day and record a new hit record, I love you Freddie.

-Mary

He smiled and kissed the note before setting it aside and got up to put on his robe before heading into the next room.  The jointed room next to the main bedroom was decorated in pink with flowers and butterflies scattered everywhere (designed by Freddie himself) and lying right by the window was a white crib and as he looked over, there he saw the angel he had been blessed with.

Unexpectedly and unexplainable, in the midst of the early stages of them dating, Mary had fallen pregnant just as Freddie first started off with his new band. It threw him for a shock at first but he was determined to make this work and give Mary the support she needed, and to ensure that the baby did have their father in his or her life.

Then finally on Jan 13th, 1973 their daughter (y/n) Austin-Mercury was born. And the second Freddie stared down at the beautiful baby girl, he was smitten with her.  As were his bandmates, they all helped and got involved with helping to raise their niece.  Each of them loved (y/n) as if she were their own, but none so much more than the drummer Roger Taylor.  He spoiled that girl to no end whether it was for Christmas or just recently her 1 year old birthday.  In fact Roger even went to the extend to have a mini drum kit set out for her with her own customized drumsticks.

Even at the disagreement with the rest of the band saying that she was too young, Roger was determined to turn his niece into a drummer, at least before Brian or Deacy had the chance to teach her guitar or bass.  With all the love and attention Roger had given her, Freddie and Mary both had agreed to name Roger the godfather of little (y/n).  

Of course when he was told by Freddie one rehearsal, he tried his best to keep his emotions in check but when he was finally alone the drummer actually broke down crying (to which Brian had overheard and got a good couple of months of blackmail out of him).

Now at a year and a half old, little (y/n) woke up to see her dad leaning over her crib. She reached out to him and Freddie couldn’t help but smile and pick her up as he cooed.

“Aww there’s my lovely darling. Oh you’re getting bigger every day aren’t you? Please stay this young forever. I don’t want to deal with the nasty little boys that’ll try to take you away from me just yet. With your mother’s looks it’ll be damn near impossible.”  It was true, she inherited most of her looks from her mum minus the hair, that she inherited from Freddie.  So a tuff of ‘long’ black hair covered her head.

(Y/n) babbled and touched her daddy’s face to which he smiled and brought her close before pecking her cheek multiple times making her laugh.

“Ohh you’re so cute darling.” He then went into the kitchen and set her in the highchair that his mum had given him.  He fed his daughter her breakfast before getting her cleaned up and finally changed into clothes before he got dressed to head to the studio.

The phone rang and he answered it.

“Freddie Mercury darling, oh hi Maria when are you coming over?” He stood there in silence before he said, “What? What do you mean you can’t come over? Oh….I’m so sorry. Yes I—I understand, my regards to you and your family. Take care of yourself darling, bye.”

Maria was a friend of Mary’s who was also a coworker with her at Biba.  Apparently she had called to tell Freddie that she couldn’t make it to watch over (y/n) because her mom had passed away from cancer. He hung up the phone and that’s when he realized he was in a bit of a situation.

He had to be in the studio in the next 25 minutes, Mary was at work and he had no babysitter to look after her.  His sister Kash was still in school right now, he’d never want to ask his dad especially since he was at work all day till dark, and his mum was currently fighting a small cold.  He thought and thought and debated long and hard.  Sure he’s taken her to the studio before for rehearsals and all, however this time the boys were in the middle of recording their 3rd album “Sheer Heart Attack” and all of them needed to focus on the recording since the deadline was coming up.

“Hey darling, my beautiful baby girl. How would you like to see your uncles and godfather hmm?” Now she might have been a year and a half year old but she was a clever girl, at the mention of her godfather and uncles a huge smile came on her face.  Seeing the smile on his daughter’s face, Freddie thought that with no other choice, he’d have to take her with him since there was no one else to watch her.

They arrived at the studio 15 minutes late and when Freddie walked in through the door with a baby bag over his shoulder and carrying (y/n) in his arms.

“About bloody time you show up Fred.”

“Relax Brian, had a bring in a little extra baggage.” At the sight of her, the boys all gathered around and fawned over their #1 fan. “Hope you lads don’t mind that I brought our littlest fan. Maria cancelled and I couldn’t find anyone else to look after her.”

“Oh not at all Fred, in fact things will be a lot more peaceful now that she’s here.” Deacy said as he took her from Freddie’s arms.  Deacy lightly bounced her up and down cooing softly at her.

“Deacy darling you are such a pro. Any kids that you’re not telling us?” Freddie teased.

“Oh no. Veronica and I aren’t ready for that step quite yet.”

“Well hurry it up and give my lovely girl a best friend already. Unless it’s a boy then don’t bother.”

“Whys that?”

“Because if he’s a boy he’ll get a crush on her. And as the years go by that crush develop until by the time they’re teenagers that’ll—”

“Enough Fred. That’ll never happen to my beloved goddaughter, not as long as I’m around!” Roger spoke up as he came up and stood beside Deacy.

At the sight of seeing her godfather before her, she fussed as she reached out for him babbling and making fussy noises.  Roger let out a playful gasp as he reached out for (y/n).  “Mhm lovey, come here you.” He then gently took her into his arms.

She stared up at him in awe before reaching out to him, taking a handful of his hair but not pulling it.  Thankfully unlike most babies (y/n) was well behaved and doesn’t pull hair, she just held his hair in her hands as she kept staring up at Roger.  He gave her kisses all over her face even blowing raspberries into her cheek making her laugh which in turn made Roger smile and chuckle.

“Thank god you brought her here Fred, Rog was nearly about to blow his top because of a disagreement we had with a song, now (y/n) can help see the song my way.” Brian spoke up.

“Brian if anyone is to use my daughter to get what he wants, it’s me.” Freddie spoke up.

“Alright lads, let’s start up the recording.” Roy, their recording manager spoke up.  Unpacking some of her favorite toys to keep her occupied from the bag, Freddie took his daughter from Roger’s arms and set her down on the floor and as soon as she saw her toys, (y/n) went right to them.  Freddie kissed the top of her head, thinking she would be fine for now, in order to let them work.

She was a good girl after all.

“Don’t pout Roger, you’ll get your time back with her once you’ve done your bits. Alright my darlings let’s do this!” Freddie then strutted into the recording booth and got himself into position, followed by Brian and Deacy.  Roger who looked toward his backpack before looking down at his goddaughter playing and softly babbling to herself thought before he’d get caught, he’d give her, her surprise now.

He got a small handbag present out from his pack and knelt down before his goddaughter and said.

“Hey lovey,” she immediately looked up and reached out for him.  Roger chuckled and said, “Guess what, I was in the toy market yesterday and saw something I think you would love. You ready?” She babbled as Roger continued, “I’ll take that as a yes.” He waited for dramatic emphasis before finally pulling out a beautifully hand-made stuffed lion.

(Y/n)’s eyes widened and she babbled as she reached out for it.  Roger smiled knowing that she liked it said.

“Yeah that’s my girl. Do you know what the lion sounds like? Huh what’s it say?” She babbled out and Roger said, “That’s right, Rawr!” He playfully shook the lion along her cheek and neck allowing it’s mane to tickle her which made her laugh as Roger continued to playfully roar at her.

“Roger there’s only room in her life for one spoiling father, and that right belongs to me.” Freddie’s voice soon spoke up from the piano.  Roger looked up and he flipped Freddie off and said as he picked her up,

“Your daddy is just a jealous wanker; you love me more don’t you (n/n)? Huh don’t you?” He began to repeatedly peck kisses along her cheek and lightly tickled her tummy which made her laugh some more all the while locking his eyes with Freddie in a mocking matter.  Freddie grinned at him and said.

“You’re playing a war you won’t win Roger dear.”

“We’ll see about that Fred, we’ll see.” He kissed the top of (y/n)’s head before forcing himself to set her down and gave her her new lion before walking in the booth.

As the day went on, (y/n) was fed her food, got her diaper changed whenever she was wet, and of course had her naps.  She was currently napping against Roger’s chest as he sat on the couch while the other three were with Roy listening to the track to see if it was all good and what edits needed to be made.

“Don’t you think I sound like shit?” Freddie spoke out.

“No it’s good.” Brian spoke out naturally.

“Can we redo it from the second verse?” suggested Freddie.  Roy allowed it and Fred went back into the booth and re-recorded his part for the song.  Roger looked down to see his goddaughter still sleeping against his chest, her thumb in her mouth unconsciously sucking it.

He smiled and lightly kissed the top of her head as he gently rocked her back and forth until a voice broke him out of his trance with his goddaughter.

“Okay Rog, your turn now.” He looked up before looking down to see (y/n) was starting to stir from her nap.  He hated to leave her but it was then Brian came up and said.

“I can take her Roger; don’t worry you’ll get her back soon.”

“Fine.” Carefully he handed (y/n) over to Brian and he held her against his chest. (Y/n) who was now wide awake began to cry as she reached out for him.

“Aww hey, he’ll be back love.” Brian tried to soothe her as (y/n) kept whimpering and crying out as she reached out to Roger.  The drummer couldn’t help but kneel down and kiss her tiny little nose and he said.

“Don’t you worry lovey, I’ll just be right across the window, you’ll still see me.” He kissed her cheek this time before standing up and heading into the recording booth.  Brian kept hold of (y/n) until he had to go up and record his bit alongside Roger.

He set her down with her toys in order to keep her occupied.  Even though she did reach out for her lion, she still looked in the direction of where Roger had disappeared to.

After awhile they came back in but were gathered around the control booth in order to hear what their pieces sounded like and what they could do to improve the editing of whether one part should be louder or softer.  It was then (y/n) in her little brain began thinking about trying something.

Seeing the couch she reached out for it and gripped the side of it with her tiny hand as she pulled herself up.  She wobbled as most babies do when they first stand but eventually she took her first step, then her second and just kept walking and walking.

Deacy was the first to turn around and he gasped as he said.

“Lads look!” And when the rest of the band turned around, they were all in shock and awe at seeing (y/n) taking her first steps.  She slowly wobbled as her steps got a little faster.

“That’s it! That’s it my darling come to daddy!” Freddie said as he knelt down before her and held out his arms so that she could come to him.

But to Freddie’s shock, his own daughter went up to Roger.  He happily took her in his arms and playfully tossed her up in the air making her laugh as he praised on how good she did walking all the way across the room.

“I can’t believe it. My own flesh and blood, goes to you instead of me.” Fred said flabbergasted.

“I told you Fred, she loves me more than you.” He pecked kisses all over her face making her smile as the other two gathered around her praising her as well.

“Well I may have lost the battle but not the war. The first word she will say will have nothing to do with you.” Freddie proclaimed.

“What you’ve been trying to make her say dada?” Roger mocked teasingly.

“No. I predict she’ll say mama first. However Mary thinks she’ll say dada first since that’s what her first word was according to her father. But I swear to you her first word will be mama and yours will be last word she’ll ever learn.”

Later on that day as the boys were finishing up, as Roger and Deacy were with (y/n) taking their ‘playtime break’ as the four boys liked to call it.  Deacy had her in his lap while Roger was making her newly gifted stuffed lion walk around and playfully roaring at her as he would tickle her with its mane.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to your godfather’s insanity as you get older. If not then you’ll always have a home with me, right love?”

“It’s not insanity, it’s me loving her.”

“Raw…” (y/n) spoke up.

“That’s right baby bird, that’s what a lion says.”

“Ra—ra….Rog.”

Both Deacy and Roger looked at each other in shock.

“D-did she just say….” Deacy started but Roger hissed out a shush toward him and he knelt down before her and said.

“What did you just say lovely?”

“Rog. Rog! Rog!” She began to chant out.  Roger held his arms up in victory as he took his goddaughter in his arms and lightly spun her around proclaiming.

“Yes! Yes baby love ohh you did it! You’re first word. My name! Oh I’m so proud of you my little lion cub.” He began kissing all over her face and Deacy spoke up.

“Fred will not be pleased about that.”

“Oh he’s never going to hear the end of it.” He went over to the window to see Brian and Fred discussing their business inside the booth and he knocked on the window to get their attention.  He waved them over and the two other band members came out and Brian said.

“What is it this time Roger?”

“You guys will be happy to know that our lovely baby Queen here just said her first word.” Both Freddie and Brian gasped and Freddie proclaimed.

“And I missed it?! Oh you cheeky darling say it again, say it again for daddy!” He took his daughter back into his arms and she chanted out.

“Rog-Rog!” At that his heart dropped and he glared at Roger.

“You are dead meat Taylor.” He handed Brian his daughter and soon Roger took off running as Fred began to chase him screaming out various profanities while Roger just kept taunting and teasing him that he won.

Both guitar players just stood there shaking their heads and Brian said.

“I can tell this little one will have them both killing each other by the time she’s 2.”

“I think she already knows she can do that now.” Deacy stated.

“One thing I do know is that I don’t think Roger’s ever gonna let Fred hear the end of this.” Deacy nodded in agreement.

And that was the truth.  As (y/n) grew older, anytime she was around Roger was always the first one to greet her, and he would always in conversation whether she was there or not, speak up about how his goddaughter’s first steps and words were all for him.

[shadowcipher17]

Ranking the Friendship is Magic Premiere's from Best To Worst

So, today I’m going to rank the Friendship is Magic Premiere's from best to worst and why. So with that being said, let’s get started.

1. Princess Twilight Sparkle- 10/10

I loved this premiere for many reasons and especially since this was the season that kicked off the new visuals for the rest of the series was really good. I particularly liked the lore in these two parts with the Tree Of Harmony and backstories such as Nightmare’s banishment and Discord’s imprisonment. I liked how this premiere put Twilight in a role where she had to step up as princess despite her being nervous about it and how she’s struggles with her wings. The plunderseeds attacking Ponyville and capturing the princesses put her in a position where she had to step up and take charge as a princess and a leader so that she’ll be ready (in Season 4’s case) to take charge if something were to happen to Celestia and Luna. There was nothing wrong with this premiere I enjoyed it and it remains my favorite premiere of the series.

2. The Return Of Harmony- 9.5/10

The Return Of Harmony is second because it was more emotional driven thanks to Discord. Twilight had to overcome the lack of friendship that the Mane 5 had while being corrupted by Discord which made for some funny scenes but also giving Twilight growth from the past season and how after 26 episodes she’s come to care for her friends. Also Discord was a highlight of the episodes. Unfortunately now, I really see Discord as a comedic base character but back in Season 2 he wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. He was technically the only villain to straight up win in Part 1 of the respective premiere. But I liked the friendship struggle that the Mane 6 had to go through while being affected by Discord’s spell and the Rainbow Dash chase scene was great too.

3. The Crystal Empire- 9.5/10

I liked the Crystal Empire a lot because it was nice getting a chance of scenery from Ponyville and Canterlot to see a new kingdom for the first time. I liked the introduction to dark magic and I really liked King Sombra. Despite being in the background for the majority of the two parter he was cunning and was a step ahead of everyone. Also going back on his defeat, the Crystal Empire citizens actually saved the day with their hope and love. I really liked the lore behind Sombra and the Crystal Empire. I liked how Cadance and Shining Armor weren’t one time characters and ended up being useful against the threat for as long as they could. Twilight and the Mane 6 got equals amount of screen time in the second half with Twilight and Spike finding the Crystal Heart while it pans back to one of the Mane 5 trying to keep the Crystal Ponies entertained. And of course Spike had a role in saving the day.

4. Friendship is Magic- 9/10

The premiere that kicked off the series. Right off the bat we start the episode off with narrative and lore about the Two Sisters and how Luna turned into Nightmare Moon. From that point we’re introduced to our main characters in the first half and they each get good amounts of screen time to know who our Mane 7 are and what they’re personalities are like and then at the end of the episode we end with a cliffhanger with Nightmare Moon making her first physical appearance and SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL! Part 2 was also good, with the Mane 5 each displaying their elements through different acts to overcome Nightmare’s obstacles (although Twilight states that they got through all the obstacles Nightmare threw at them, I don’t know how she put two and two together that the cliff was Nightmare’s fault WE as the audience knows but it’still a bit of a stretch). I also thought it was good that Twilight wasn’t easily able to use the elements and she realized that the elements were her friends actions that helped them. Ultimately good characterization for the start of the series.

5. The Beginning Of The End- 6/10

I only liked Sombra, Grogar, and the stakes that Sombra set into the episodes. The rest I didn’t care for because it was executed poorly. I understand passing down the mantle but the only thing Twilight has come close to in terms of royal duties is planning parties and functions. Twilight and the Mane 6 running Equestria when the seven of them are no where near qualified nor have any experience with running a country or the majority of them have actual jobs. Starlight being the principal of the School of Friendship....just no but then again the School was only there to promote the Student 6 so it’s not that important. On the flip side, I liked how Grogar was introduced as a villain who understood the essence of the Mane 6′s success by working together and I really would’ve liked to see Grogar use that strategy against the Mane 6...TOO BAD HE WAS USED FOR THE SAKE OF A FUCKING STUPID PLOT TWIST! (Season 10 comics BETTER elaborate on the REAL Grogar). The only villain I cared about returning was Sombra. Chrysalis and Tirek lost their villain likable status from me when they were turned into comical jokes and Cozy was just flat annoying. Now despite Sombra’s “new personality” he got more things done than the rest of the villains in the finale which I liked. His second death was pretty brutal. But Sombra giving stakes to the episodes were the only good things about this premiere.

6. Celestia Advice- 4/10

The staff learned never to do one episode premiere’s after this episode which I find funny. I’m gonna keep this really short. Seeing the background characters were nice. The new changeling forms were nice to look at. The best part about the episode was Celestia’s story to Twilight about how she had to send her to Ponyville. Everything else I didn’t care for and the episode was pointless by the end of it so it was just a waste of about 15-20 minutes.

7. The Crystalling- 4/10

FLURRY HEART IS THE CUTEST WIDDLE THING! I like how the Mane Cast and all 5 Royals were present in the episode. As far as the B plot I like Sunburst however he’s really just a plot point for Starlight and that’s it and I don’t like that at all. It’s not fair to him, he should be his own character without Starlight always being in range or mentioned. Yes, I get that they’re friends but they don’t have to be together all the time. Which was why I was happy when he got solo spotlight in A Trivial Pursuit. But other than that, it was alright.

8. School Daze- 3/10

I liked the Student 6 and the design of the School of Friendship. Despite Chancellor Neighsay being racial towards the other creatures, he was in the right in shutting down the school. The Mane 6 aren’t qualified as teachers and since they’re the go to heroes for Equestria so they won’t really have time to be at the school as well as the Mane 5 have jobs and professions. But they manage to make it “work” but the School of Friendship was a bad idea.

9. The Cutie Map- 1/10

I liked the Mane 6, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, Night Glider, and Double Diamond. The rest was boring. The town was boring. The colors were boring. Starlight was boring for being YET ANOTHER TWILIGHT COUNTERPART. What made it worse was that this came right after Rainbow Rocks where Starlight actually has similar colors to one of the main antagonists in the movie so much so that there was an actual theory if Starlight was the pony version of Aria Blaze. Another thing that was a turn off was this season starting the trend of non intense premiere’s. I mean if you look at the first 5 rankings on my list all of those have a degree of action and intensity to them as opposed to the bottom four. Another aspect that’s a turn off is the colors. The colors are dull and boring and I didn’t feel invested at all. Honestly, S5 for me was when MLP was slowly going down hill and then S6-S9 was when it really went down hill.

And these are my rankings for the premiere’s of Friendship is Magic. And these are my opinions and everyone has their own opinions so please don’t hate if you thought one premiere was better or worse than what I listed. 

Shadowstorm Out! 💜🖤

[jasperrollswrites]

Brotherhood

A Goron TF, done for gogetyourverb on deviantArt. A lot of fun to do - I do love the chubby Gorons, especially when Twilight Princess introduced them doing sumo.

———————

Goron City was not a comfortable place for a Hylian to be.

Its proximity to Death Mountain meant the place was always warm, and while that was just fine for the Gorons, it meant that Jeremy always felt like taking off his clothes whenever he was there. He'd long since figured out in during his many visits that light clothes were best, the kind of stuff you'd need to go through the desert, long and flowing, airy. The problem was, in a place like the desert, the air was flowing, even if it was harsh. In Goron City, the air was still and stifling.

Sometimes Jeremy wished he could just take off his clothes and wear a loincloth or something, like the Gorons did, but he was too modest for that. He kind of wished he felt that free. It was a trait he admired in the Gorons. They seemed to care little for appearances, preferring to get to know the person behind the face - certainly, it was a trait he had noticed in his best friend, Doga.

Their meeting some years ago had been something of a coincidence. He had been journeying to Kakariko, and had awoken after a night's rest to discover himself surrounded by Moblins, who were already making off with his stuff. Moblins were usually dumb as rocks, but these ones had the sense to take his weapon, a short sword, first, leaving him effectively defenseless. They were ready to slit his throat when he'd heard a loud yell from behind him, and turned around in time to see one of his attackers launched about 20 feet in the air by a powerful Goron fist. Okay, maybe it wasn't that high. But it felt like it.

Doga was something to behold in combat. It was clear to anyone with a knowledge of Goron culture that he had been practicing sumo since a young age, but he didn't let the restrictions of sumo hold him back from letting loose on opponents. The other part of what made him such a sight was that Doga had let his snowy white hair grow out, into a long tangled mane of white hair that reached down towards the middle of his rocky back, tied at the end with a little twine of rope. The way his hair flowed behind him with his hard, heavy punches was almost mesmerising.

He'd been scary as he fought off the invaders, but when he turned to Jeremy on that first day, his wide face, clean-shaven face (Goron's often had beards - Doga elected not to) immediately turned into a kind, warm smile, as he helped Jeremy find his stuff that had been scattered on the plain. His bright red eyes might suggest someone meaner, but as Jeremy would find out, Doga was as kind as they came.

As it turned out, Doga had at the time just been running an errand for his father. It surprised Jeremy to find out the two were basically the same age - Doga was way bigger than Jeremy, a 7 foot tall brute of a Goron, but that was to be expected of Gorons, really.  Doga had just been running an errand, but the young Goron had a deep-seated sense of justice in him. About a year after they had met, Doga confided in Jeremy that he harbored dreams of being a travelling warrior, a Goron that would be written about in legend and remembered for years to come.

Jeremy had laughed and given him a bit of ribbing about it, but he'd admired Doga's direction in life. It was something Jeremy felt he was missing. He'd just been travelling on the plains for a few years now, doing odd jobs to keep himself afloat, but he'd lost all sense of direction in his life. In a way, meeting Doga had saved his life in more ways than one. While he still hadn't found the direction he was looking for, he felt like he was closer to figuring out what that direction was.

In the meantime, Goron City had become something of a home to Jeremy. Doga had invited him to his own home and after that it was kind of like Jeremy never left. He still travelled around, but he always ended up coming back to Doga's place, and he'd gained something of a rapport with the other Gorons in the city. Some of them even called him brother sometimes, although it seemed more like a slip of the tongue than anything else.

But that was enough of taking a trip down memory lane. Right now, Jeremy was returning to Goron City after a good couple of months away. He'd travelled out quite a distance, but he'd come back when he had received a letter from Doga, asking Jeremy to return. The letter was excited, but vague - Doga had something he wanted to give to Jeremy, a "commemoration" of something, but whatever this thing was, Doga hadn't said. So Jeremy had returned, and now here he was, back in Goron City, back to sweltering heat.

He was wearing some pretty light, airy clothing - a shirt coloured a sort of ethereal light blue, which hung loosely off his somewhat thin body, and some kind of baggy black pants. Apparently, they were of Gerudo design, which had kind of made Jeremy a little awkward about wearing them at first - weren't all Gerudos female? - but that had been a few years ago, and Jeremy had learned that they were the best kind of clothing for Goron City, and that Gorons didn't really care what you wore. After all, they didn't wear a whole lot themselves

He wiped some sweat off his brow, shifting his short brown hair a little. Coming back to Goron City always reminded him how much he admired the appearance of the Gorons - their long flowing hair, magnificent beards, big muscles. He'd considered growing his own hair out like Doga's, maybe growing a beard to differentiate them, but for now he was happy the way he was, with his short hair and clean face. His pale skin was flushing red with the heat, but Doga usually had some way to cool down in his home. All Jeremy had to do was get there, which he did easily enough.

He knocked against the door of Doga's home and waited. After a couple of seconds, the door opened, and there was Doga, whose red eyes immediately lit up at the sight of his friend.

"Jeremy!!" he yelled happily, and quickly swept up the Hylian into a tight Goron hug. He'd learned to be a bit more careful about hugging Hylians, since if he went in with full strength, he'd break Jeremy like a twig, but that didn't mean the hug wasn't still a little painful. Jeremy didn't mind too much himself though - he'd gotten stronger and more used to it. They held the hug for a few seconds, Doga nuzzling Jeremy a little, before letting go.

"Oh my...you don't know how glad I am you came back", Doga said excitedly. "You got my letter, didn't you?"

"Yeah, you said you had something for me?" Jeremy replied.

Doga grinned. "Oh yeah. I've got something real good. But first...come in, come on. Tell me about where you've been! I love hearing your travelling stories." Doga stepped to the side, letting Jeremy enter his home once more.

--------

"...and, man that minstrel was something else, I'll tell you. I wish there was some way of...I don't know, repeating it, exactly as it was", Jeremy was saying.

"You could always learn the accordion yourself." Doga suggested, grinning.

"No, no, this is...I dunno how to describe it", Jeremy replied. "Even if I did learn, I wouldn't be able to replicate it. You really just have to be there."

The pair were sitting around a table, Doga listening intently to Jeremy's stories. Everything in Doga's home was made of metal, including the chairs, since if they used wood, it would just burn up from the sheer heat of the nearby volcano. Doga was munching on a rock as he listened - he'd offered some to Jeremy, but Jeremy had politely declined.

"You said he was a travelling minstrel?" Doga asked. "Perhaps I'll run into the fellow myself."

"I hope you do. It's a unique experience." Jeremy replied. "Well, I think that's pretty much everything that happened while I was away. How have you been, Doga?"

"Pretty good, brother!" Doga said. Jeremy smiled at the name. Doga seemed to be the only Goron who used the 'brother' term for him with any sort of sincerity. "In fact, very good. Something I've been waiting a long time has finally come to fruition."

"Oh, really? How long have you been waiting?" Jeremy asked.

Doga scratched his chin. "Hmm, a year, perhaps two", he estimated.

"Two?" Jeremy said, incredulously. "Must be something very important for you to be willing to wait that long."

"Yes, it's not something that's...given very frequently."

"Well, don't dance around it", Jeremy said. "Tell me!"

"I..." Doga faltered. He seemed worried now. "It's...ah, perhaps it was a bad idea."

"Doga, I know you don't do things without thinking about them a lot, so I'd definitely say it's not a bad idea, whatever it is." Jeremy reached out a hand and patted Doga's shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"It has something to do with why I called you back here", Doga said, then reconsidered. "No, no, it has everything to do with why I called you back. It IS why I called you back."

Jeremy looked quietly at his friend, not sure what to think.

"You, of course, know about the nature of brotherhood between Gorons", Doga began. "How could you not, having spent so much time with us?" He chuckled. "But...well, you probably have heard that brotherhood can be extended - we can share brotherhood with those who are not necessarily Gorons."

"Well, they said the King was considered an honorary Goron brother, didn't they?" Jeremy replied.

"Yes, yes...well, people know that about Gorons. And I think you would know that I would consider you a brother, don't you?" Doga continued. Jeremy nodded. "I feel like...perhaps you feel I've failed you a little. We have been friends this long, and I have not put you forward to be considered a brother by the rest of the tribe."

Jeremy shook his head. "I don't mind at all, Doga. It's not up to me to question how Gorons do things."

"What I'm trying to say is..." Doga faltered again. "The reason that...I have not done such a thing is because...well, in a way, I have been trying. But...in a different way.

"It does not happen very often, but very...very occasionally, there have been times when the Gorons have considered a non-Goron a brother, but...they have felt that the non-Goron being only an honorary brother is...it's not good enough. It does not truly describe the bond between them. They feel the only way that brotherhood can be expressed is by...accepting their friend fully, and...that. That is what I have been trying to obtain for these past couple of years."

"Doga, what are you..." Jeremy said, but the Goron cut him off. He seemed solemn.

"I do want you to be a brother, I do want you to be considered a brother by the tribe. I want all the people of Goron City to see you and say to themselves, 'yes, that is my brother'. But being an honorary brother is not enough for you.

"You mean far more than that to me." Doga said, looking up at Jeremy, his red eyes looking right into Jeremy's own.

"What are you saying, Doga?" Jeremy asked.

"I'm saying, that...I want you to be a Goron...brother." Doga said.

Jeremy tried to parse the sentence. Was that pause intentional? Was he...

"Is...is the...brother part...separate from the Goron part?" he asked.

"...Yes and no."

"I don't..."

"I want to make you a brother of the Gorons. But being an honorary brother is not enough. You deserve...I see it in your eyes, when you are here. You belong here. But not as a Hylian."

"...as a Goron?"

"Yes." Doga stared down at Jeremy, awaiting his response. Jeremy was quiet. What could he say?

"But...how would that even be possible?" he started.

"You of all people should know that there is magic in this world. Is it really so impossible to believe?" Doga replied.

"I guess, but...is this really what you are asking of me? To...make me one of your own?" Jeremy said.

"The moment I met you, I knew you were lost in this world." Doga said. "You have made your way on improvisation, on taking things as they come, but you have never found your place. Except for here. When I see you here, I know you belong here. I know in my heart, that you belong with us. But as you are, you cannot survive here. So, when I went to the elders, I asked not that you simply be an honorary brother, but a true brother, a Goron, just like me.

"It has been a long couple of years, and all this time you have been watched. I wanted to show them what I saw in you, and finally, after all this time...they have agreed. They too now believe that you could be one of us. All that remains...is you.

"They have given their blessing, but the final decision lies with you." Doga said. "I know it is...a lot to ask of you, but I would not be doing this if I didn't think...that it was something you wanted too, so...I suppose all that really remains to ask is...would you want this? Do you want to be a Goron, brother?"

There was a long silence as Jeremy considered what was being presented to him. Doga was right in a way. Jeremy certainly did feel more at home in Goron City than he did anywhere else. And sometimes, he had felt a little resentment towards Doga for not asking him to be a brother beforehand, but that was before he knew that what Doga had been fighting for, in private all this time, was this opportunity.

"Would there be no going back?" Jeremy asked, although he wasn't sure the answer would have any effect on his decision.

"What is done through magic can be undone, certainly..." Doga said, "So in a sense, no. But it would not be a limited change. Once it is done, you would be a Goron permanently, until another magic were to change you once more...am I making sense?"

"Yeah, yeah, I..." Jeremy considered. He...he did want this. But at the same time, to cast off...everything he was before...but then, what was he before? Some aimless Hylian, wandering to and fro, no direction in his life. Doga was right. He had been lost since he'd entered this world, and the only true home he'd found was amongst the Gorons. If there was a way to be closer to that, then why would he ever deny that chance? He would regret it for the rest of his life.

"I'll do it." Jeremy said, resolve in his voice.

"You will?" Doga said, his mouth opening into a grin. Jeremy nodded, smiling back. "Oh, you will!" Doga exclaimed with excitement, and stood up, sweeping Jeremy into another hug. "I cannot tell you how long I have waited for this moment!"

"O...kay...okay...Doga..." Jeremy said in pain, feeling the breath being crushed out of him. "You can...give me...a proper hug...once it's done!"

Doga let Jeremy go, a blush on his face as he scratched the back of his head. "Ahaha, I'm sorry, my brother. I was just excited. Let us not delay! Come with me!" He walked past Jeremy, heading towards the bedroom. Jeremy turned, following after, and found that the room had been changed quite a bit since he had last been in it - the most noticeable difference being that there were no beds.

"Where are the--" Jeremy began.

"Out back." Doga responded. "This was the only space I had for the ritual, so they had to be moved."

The bedroom was darkened compared to the rest of Doga's home, the only light coming from the walls that glowed slightly, pulsing red like magma, and some candles set on a low rock shelf. On the floor was a carpet with the symbol of the Gorons on it - the kite shape with three triangles coming away from it, looking like a claw. Next to the candles was a piece of white cloth that looked like a Goron loincloth, not dissimilar to that which Doga was wearing. Doga took up the discarded cloth.

"You'll need to put this on." He said. "And, ah, take off your other clothes."

"That's not a...previously used one is it?" Jeremy asked.

"Haha", Doga chuckled. "No, no. I made it for you. It's part of the ritual."

"Alright..." Jeremy murmured, not quite believing this was happening. Was it a joke on Doga's part? But he wasn't really the type to play jokes...Jeremy began slowly undoing the latches on his clothing, unwrapping them from his body, undoing the sash around his waist. He slowly took the clothes off, feeling exposed as they revealed his lithe frame. He blushed at the thought, at the sensation of letting Doga see him like this.

"Is everything okay?" Doga asked. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, I am, it's just...a little embarrassing." Jeremy said.

"Hahaha! That feeling will be washed away when you are a Goron!" Doga flexed an arm, grinning. "We are proud of our bodies, and you will be too. I can tell you will make a fine Goron already!"

Jeremy smiled. He finished taking off his clothes, and Doga handed the loincloth to him. Jeremy attempted to wrap it around himself, but very quickly there was a problem.

"It's...too big for me." He said. He held the loincloth up with his hands, holding around his waist.

"Well, of course it is!" Doga said. "You're about to be much bigger! If I made it for you as you are now, there would be no point, you'd just tear it apart."

Jeremy nodded, but he felt a little stupid standing there in the middle of the room, with only a too big loincloth to cover himself up. He had to admit he felt the heat less with his clothes off, though.

"Okay, now stand on the carpet. Right in the centre." Doga said, and Jeremy did so, standing directly over the Goron symbol. "I'll just set up everything else..." he began taking the candles and placing them around the carpet, in a circle around Jeremy. As the candles lit up the floor brighter, Jeremy saw a red circle had been painted on the floor, which he hadn't noticed before due to the darkness of the room - Doga was placing the candles on marked spots on the floor.

"Is this safe?" Jeremy asked. 

"As far as I know." Doga said. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, I just...what if one of us kicks over a candle by mistake? It might set the carpet on fire." Jeremy said.

"Well, then we won't do that, will we?" the Goron said, grinning. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

After a few more moments of preparation, it seemed like things were ready. The last thing to happen was Doga taking up a piece of parchment from the shelf, on which had been written some words.

"Now, I just need to say this, and...I think it should begin. Are you ready to become a Goron, brother?" Doga asked.

"Yeah. Definitely. Make it happen." Jeremy said. He felt anticipation in his chest. He couldn't wait now. He knew he needed this more than anything now.

"Then I'll get started." Doga said, and began reading off the parchment. His voice was low, murmuring words Jeremy didn't recognise. He couldn't understand what was being said, but he had the feeling that these were powerful words, and his thoughts were confirmed as the circle the candles were stood atop began to glow with a bright red light that hurt a little to look directly at. Jeremy felt things get hotter, beads of sweat beginning to break on his forehead once again.

Doga kept talking, and the candles seemed to burn brighter with the circle below them glowing. Jeremy looked down at the carpet underneath his bare feet, and saw that the Goron symbol on it was starting to glow a bright white, with a blue edge as it reacted to Doga's words. Doga kept reciting whatever was on the parchment for a while, about half a minute, until he came to an end, and looked up at Jeremy.

"Be prepared, brother. Everything is about to change." He said, simply.

And change it did.

It started in his feet - there was the sensation of a crack in the centre of his foot, and Jeremy looked down to see his feet starting to grow. His soles were getting wider, and a little bit longer. He could feel them hardening already, getting tough, more able to withstand the sharp rocks that made up Goron City and the nearby mountain. His toes were getting bigger to match as well, the toenails thickening. His ankles were starting to swell a little with fat. It was small steps, but Jeremy felt excited already - then it felt like his legs buckled.

There was a weird, but not really painful sensation as his legs seemed to shorten underneath him. His thighs were getting thicker, but his legs were losing their length, the bones under his skin compressing down. "I thought Gorons were meant to be tall..." Jeremy said, a little out of breath.

"Our height is not in our legs, brother, you should know that." Doga responded. "Give it a moment."

His hips were widening as they lowered, and his legs were forced apart, making him stand somewhat rigidly. As his hips increased in width, Jeremy slowly took his hands away from the loincloth, and was happy to see that the cloth in question was now held up by his widened hips, so he didn't need to hold onto it any more.

As his body had begun changing, a change of colour was sweeping up his legs, although it was difficult to see in the dark room. The pink skin on his body was getting redder, like it was getting hotter, differing from the tan colour that the Gorons usually had, although a Goron with red skin wasn't unheard of. Just rarer than usual. Jeremy lifted a leg and shook the foot, experimenting a little with the changed limbs, but he didn't have long to experiment, as the big changes were about to kick in. After all, his hips had widened for a reason.

A grumble emitted from his stomach, and Jeremy instinctively lowered his hands towards it - and then began to feel it grow. It was like his body was exhaling, as his stomach began to swell outwards, musculature and fat growing underneath the skin. His belly button was beginning to stretch, as his torso bloated outwards. He felt his spine pop, as the height he had mentioned was beginning to grow in, his torso getting longer, the spine getting stronger - and it would need to. His torso was bloating out into a magnificent belly, and Jeremy grinned as he felt his gut swell beneath his fingers. The red colour swept up over his belly - and when it touched his hand, the colour spread to his hands.

Jeremy lifted his hands away, smiling as he watched these become larger as well. His fingers were getting fatter, thicker, his palms were becoming broader, his hands were doubling, no, they were tripling in size! His nails thickened like his toenails, yellowing a little, as he felt his hands becoming more powerful, and it was a feeling that only increased as the changes continued up his arms. Doga had been grinning quietly at the spectacle before him, but he had finally noticed the changing Hylian's skin tone.

"Oh my, a red Goron! How exotic!" He exclaimed.

"Ha, that's...exotic to you?" Jeremy said, grinning back.

"Well, most Gorons are here are just tan...it's nice to have a bit more colour around." Doga replied.

Jeremy felt his forearms growing, getting stronger, his biceps and triceps not far behind. He raised his arms up, flexing - and as he did, his muscles swelled before his eyes, thickening to support his gigantic hands. "Haha!" Jeremy said, feeling more confident by the second. "I hope you're ready for a proper Goron hug after this!"

"Absolutely!" Doga said, not bothering to contain his excitement. His red eyes were sparkling in the candlelight.

Jeremy's spine continued to pop as he kept growing taller. The loss of height in his legs was definitely being made up as he rose up towards Doga's height, and as he did, his chest was growing outwards to match his massive belly. It sagged down a little as fat swelled in his chest, becoming a pair of undeniable moobs. Jeremy reached a hand back down to touch one. Was it possible to be more happy than he already was? He squeezed, and felt it resist a little - it wasn't all fat under there - he definitely had muscle to spare. His belly was similarly tough.

His back, meanwhile, was hardening in an altogether different manner. His skin was being pierced, splitting open as hard rocks pushed through. Jeremy winced in pain, but it felt like his threshold was higher, as brown, spiky rocks broke through his skin. Blood trickled between the spikes, a few drips falling to the floor, but Jeremy wasn't in much pain. His spine popped a bit more, bringing him to eye level with Doga. He was almost done - it was a little amusing, seeing the weedy Hylian's head atop a large Goron body, but that was about to change.

His neck was thickening, and Jeremy found himself inexplicably coughing - as he did, both he and Doga heard his voice lowering, getting deeper, causing a rumble in his chest. As Jeremy got over his impromptu coughing fit, he rubbed his thickening neck with a massive hand. "Oh my..." he said - and jumped at his own voice. It was definitely deeper, smoother even, like melted chocolate. As he said that, he felt his jaw crack - and begin to widen. His whole face was starting to get wider, his cheeks swelling a little with fat, as the red colour flowed up his face.

As it crossed his chin, hairs pushed out of his jaw. A beard was growing at rapid speed. Jeremy slid the hand that had been rubbing his neck up the underside of his jaw to feel the beard that was growing in. He pulled at the hairs, coaxing them to grow longer with his thickened hands, while more grew across his upper lip, creating a bushy goatee around his mouth. It quickly became apparent that the hairs were a pure, snowy white, and the white was rising up around his cheeks, connecting with his hair...which was growing longer. It wasn't crawling down his back like Doga's did, but was rather growing outwards into a wild, slightly tangled mess that framed his widening face. The hairs atop his head were losing their colour, the white from the beard 'infecting' the hair, until his hair and beard created a magnificent white mane, not unlike a Lynel.

His lips were getting thicker, his mouth widening to match up with his bigger head. His nose sunk into his face a bit, and the tip rose up, creating a little pig-like nose. His eyebrows became bushier, turning as white as his hair and beard. He blinked a couple of times, and suddenly his eyes had turned a deep, oceanic blue. His body felt warm, something building up inside him, before it suddenly released, and he felt a strange sense of relief...and an overwhelming sense of contentment.

The change had ended, and where had stood a Hylian, there was now a red skinned Goron, with a grin on his face and a fire in his belly. He looked proudly at Doga, and opened his arms wide for a hug.

"How do I look, brother?" he asked.

"Magnificent!" Doga exclaimed. "I knew you would make a fantastic Goron, but I didn't think it would be this incredible! You should see yourself!" He rushed forward, pulling Jeremy into a tight, powerful hug, definitely stronger than any hug he had given Jeremy as a Hylian - but now Jeremy was able to withstand it, and for the first time he returned the hug with just as much power and force as his friend.

After a tight, close hug, the two pulled away from each other, and Doga reached out to give Jeremy's beard a single stroke. "Hmm..." he pondered. "Perhaps I too should grow a beard. It certainly looks good on you, brother Jeremy!"

Jeremy screwed up his face a little, hearing his own name.

"Is something wrong?" Doga asked. "You're not unhappy, are you?"

"No, no, I'm definitely happy, brother, but...that name. 'Jeremy'. It...sounds wrong, now." Jeremy stroked his own beard. It didn't feel like his name any more, because he wasn't that person any more.

"Ah, I see." Doga said, nodding. "It certainly doesn't ring as true as it once did. You should choose your own name."

The newly-changed Goron looked closely at Doga, considering what his new name should be. He wanted something simple, but powerful, memorable like Doga's. Doga...D, something beginning with a D. Do, de, di, da, du...Dadu? No, not quite. Sounded like something a baby learning to speak would say, but the vowels were right. It was just that third letter that needed changing...

"Damu?" he said out loud. He'd meant it merely as a suggestion, but the moment it left his lips, he immediately knew it was his name. The smile on Doga's face only deepened that feeling, as it was clear his old friend approved greatly.

"Damu! A fine name, brother! It fits you perfectly!" He said happily.

"Damu it is, then." Damu said, smiling back. He slung an arm around Doga's shoulder, feeling a sense of camaraderie and joy. Doga was right, as he often had been. Damu had been lost as a Hylian, but now, transformed into a Goron, he knew more than ever that he belonged right here, alongside his true brothers. It was like something in the universe had righted itself, and the world was clearer and more beautiful than ever.

"Before we do anything else, though, I have a couple more gifts for you." Doga said.

"Already?" Damu replied with surprise. "What greater gift could you have than what you have already done for me?"

Doga chuckled. "Haha, it's nothing as grand as that, my brother", he said. "Just a few extra things, to help you acclimatize to our lifestyle." He headed over to the corner of the room, where a metal cabinet sat, and opened up the doors, revealing a couple of items - a pair of large, metallic gauntlets, and a large chain.

"I had one of the smiths make these up for you, although I didn't say that it was for you at the time, since I was not sure that you would agree to this", he said, lifting the items out of the cabinet and presenting them to Damu. Damu took them in his own hands - they were certainly heavy, and if he had still been human, he would've barely been able to lift a single gauntlet. But his changed form, with its increased strength, made carrying all of them at once no harder than holding an apple.

"I assure you, brother, they will not go to waste", Damu said, touched by Doga's forward thinking. His old friend had been doing so much for him, all this time, and he had not been aware. Truly, he deserved the title of brother, just as much as he felt Damu did. Damu strapped the heavy gauntlets tightly to his arms, and lifted the chain over his head, resting it on his shoulder like a sash. Adjusting the chain, it felt strangely warm in his hands.

"They're perfect, Doga", Damu said happily. "I cannot thank you enough."

"Thank me later, brother! For you, it is time to see the elders!" Doga said. "There is a lot you will have to learn about being a Goron that only they can teach you."

"I look forward to it!" Damu replied, enjoying the smooth rumble of his own voice. Together, the pair left the darkened room, and went out into the light, to discover a new life, and a new family.

((Enjoyed this story? If so, please consider commissioning me yourself, or sending me a tip on Ko-fi! https://ko-fi.com/jasrol))

[marvelandponder]

I’m a Little Upset They Made Me Excited for Something Called Hascon

But, they did, and over the past two days (and counting! expect an IDW comic panel on Sunday!), they’ve released some spoilers and news that’s pretty damn cool.

No real movie news aside from Hype! It’s coming in 4 weeks! because they didn’t want to reveal too many spoilers for that (although I’m still waiting for Hasbro to step up its marketing game with this one), but aside from that, let’s see what news we got for MLP this weekend [if you want Movie insight, I actually recommend picking up the art book. I just got mine in the mail and WOW is the concept art ever pretty]! This is your spoiler warning if you don’t like that sort of thing.

UPDATED: TONS OF STUFF! Movie Screenshots, more season 8 news, IDW comics, and more!

MLP: The Movie!

Not much in the way of spoilers (you can read the novelization or the art book for those, I guess was their thinking), but have three stills!

Equestria Girls

New outfits, designed by an actual red carpet stylist, Carol Lam, for both the new doll line and the characters in canon

New Youtube series officially announced, and it’s Choose Your Own Adventure style! Expected in November

Shorts to continue, and one has even been teased

Another one was a “2 minute short about Sunset Shimmer drawing a comic and them animating it... based around [the] girls catching a jewel thief.”

School play is a concept that’s coming up. Whether in short form, 22 minute special form, or perhaps even movie (although please note there has been no explicit mention of an EG5, so lovers of the movies will have to be patient)

“When asked if there is a Sunset Shimmer doppleganger rolling around, one of the panelists noted that her pet theory is that it was always Sunset's fate to travel to humanland, and there isn't an original Sunset in the world. They are leaving this open in canon though.”

No plans for Discord in EQG at the moment, but who knows?

Find EQD’s report on that here.

Okay, so first off? Loving the new outfits. With any other teenager characters, it would be ridiculous that they’re so well dressed and styled (I noticed Sunset’s hair is juuust slightly different, can’t see the others well enough to tell), but for these girls, it makes sense, since they’re all friends with Rarity.

So, yes, Hasbro. I’ll buy your crazy marketing tactics for now, because cute outfits.

As to the Choose Your Own Adventure series, I think that’ll be interesting, but not quite as cool to me as stuff like the shorts, specials, and movies. Just a matter of personal taste, but the world-building going on in the Overpowered short, for instance, is only really cool if it has a lasting effect on the characters and their world (the report said something about a coal miners daughter wanting to disco, and while that sounds possibly cute, it’s not exactly my cup of tea).

But it’ll be fun to try, no doubt! And definitely cool for younger fans!

The post wasn’t super clear on whether the Choose Your Own Adventure stuff was the only EQG content coming to Youtube (we have been teased about a series, similar to the Hana Zuki show Hasbro has on there already), but until we hear otherwise, assume it’s just the CYOA series.

And a school play theme really does sound like it could be used for a movie or a special, if they wanted to keep doing long-form stories, so that’s what I’m hoping for, personally.

Oh and we still don’t know what these are from/for:

A currently unreleased summertime short, most likely a music video.

A Netflix listing we found out about back in August. This might be the place they feature the specials and shorts, but who knows?

Season 7 News

Clips were shown for next week’s episode, It Isn’t the Mane Thing About You (which might end up being a Pinkie and Rarity episode) and Marks and Recreation 

It Isn’t the Mane Thing About (better clip than the first that was released)

Marks and Recreation (featuring the last song of the season)

Find EQD’s report on that here.

In addition, have some stills from a promo yet to be released on the rest of the season!

Likely from Secrets and Pies

Likely from A Health of Information

Likely from A Health of Information

(Not shown: Applejack falling into the party cave) Likely from Secrets and Pies

From It Isn’t the Mane Thing About You

From Once Upon a Zepplin

Likely from A Health of Information

Likely from A Health of Information (mask modelled after Mage Meadowbrook, so this will undoubtedly feature her story in a similar fashion to Daring Done, possibly told by Twilight, from the earlier screenshot)

From Once Upon a Zepplin

From It Isn’t the Mane Thing About You

Additionally, I’ll point out what we know for the season 7 finale: that there’s a tie into the Legends of Magic comics, and it’s called Shadow Play parts 1&2. Whether “shadow” refers to the character Shadowlock from the main comic series or King Sombra or something else entirely, we’ll have to wait and see!

Okay, so the most exciting thing for me is that Vincent Tong, voice of Flash Sentry and Feather Bangs, gets to sing again! As a villain this time! I could make a joke about him embracing the role the fandom has given him this season (Feather Bangs, the waifu stealer, and now Rumble, the antagonist).

Oh and for those who don’t remember, Rumble is Thunderlane’s little brother, who appears in Hurricane Fluttershy. It’s been a while, but he looked cute there.

I wonder if Starlight will have any role in this episode...

The addition of the Cake twins is to Mane Thing also adds hype for me. I’m still on the fence with the episode concept, mostly because I need to see how they’re going to run with it (could be uncomfortable to watch Rares lose her mane if done wrong), but the Cake twins were extremely endearing in Baby Cakes, and it would be nice to see more interaction between them and Pinkie Pie.

This season has been spectacular so far, so I’m glad not too much was spoiled (or you know, leaked...) so we get to enjoy it in full!

Season 8 News

Seaponies confirmed for season 8, the Movie will tie into the show

An animatic was released as well:

Find EQD’s report here.

SHE RETURNS! 

I find it super interesting that Chrysalis is outright ignoring Starlight Glimmer while gathering DNA, given that she swore revenge against her. A large number of fans are speculating that this will be some sort of voodoo plot, where Chrysalis literally turns Starlight’s friends against her, like Starlight did to her.

Not only that, but if you look in the background of that animatic, you’ll find the mane 7 are in a suspiciously new building...

Some have speculated it’s Twilight’s new castle (meaning the crystal castle will get destroyed at the end of season 7, which is alarming because it’s connected to the Tree of Harmony). I feel like it might be more of an addition to her castle, either a school of Twilight’s own (hence, calling the rest of the girls Twilight’s “teachers”) or a house of diplomacy of some kind, like a U.N. building for the different nations that Twilight and company have been befriending (dragons, changelings, griffons, yaks---heck, even Sunset Shimmer could be considered a diplomat from Equestria to the humans).

It’s still a mystery...

Also, sea ponies! And they’re adorable! They translate to show style really well, actually! And it only makes you wonder just how many other things will carry over from the movie....

New info!

Look for a Cheese Sandwhich cameo

G. M. Berrow wrote a Season 8 episode she is super passionate about and her favorite episode overall. Maybe more book tie-ins like in "Daring Done".

Josh Haber's favorite pony is The Great and Probably Going To Be In Season 8 Trixie!

Derpy won't get a featured episode like Episode 100, but she will be around, likely more than season 7.

There will be two-parters, and that's plural, so it sounds like we return to the opening and closing episodes being epic two-parters. So expect You-Know-You that we saw in that animatic to be in one of these!

Things we already know about season 8 that you may have forgotten:

26 episodes confirmed

Orchestra music from the movie to be used in some of the season’s songs, which are all finalized by now

As well, there will be twice as many songs are there are in season 7, since Daniel Ingram’s time won’t be split up between the show and the movie

Discord confirmed

Josh Haber returning as story-editor

Mike Vogel returning finally after working on the movie

IDW Comics

This year’s holiday special!

For those of you who have listened to the Christmas album, that’ll look somewhat familiar...

MLP:FIM #60 Sara Richard cover!

MLP: FIM #61 Cover revealed! A collection of foreign dignitaries, from dragons, to deers, to cats/abyssnians, to gryphons! 

“The story is going to be a "united nations" type gathering where all the various creatures throughout the planet convene to discuss the future of the planet. So think a Meeting of the United Nations but with Dragons, Buffalo, Hippogriffs, Anthro Cats, and a pony who controls the sun with a mere thought. Oh but there is a discovery made at the conference that could lead to trouble for our little ponies! A problem that might end up costing Equestria ownership of Canterlot!”

Legends of Magic #9! Seems to be a continuation of Flash Magnus’s previous issue, if the cover is to be believed.

Aaaand a page from Legends of Magic #6! Yes, that’s right, zombie ponies drawn by Andy Price. If 28 Pranks Later wasn’t grim enough for you, surely the master of expressions will deliver!

Find EQD’s report right here!

Year of the Pony

[i-am-mclovin]

Can you do all the odds please? I know it's a lot so if not I understand

1. If you had to support your hometown team, who would it be?

Erm, well i live in a small town just outside of Liverpool, my options are Liverpool, Everton, Un*ted or City and ever since i first watched a Liverpool game ive kinda been hooked. 

3. If you could design your team's kits, how would they look like?

Im awful creatively so ill just do best home away and alternate kit, home id choose the one we have now (125th anniversary one), away probably the black one from last year and the alternate id go with the 14/15 season which was like black with red on it. I know the away and alternate clash but let me dream. 

5. Best foods to eat whilst watching a match?

i dont really eat during matches because i get stressed i just drink a lot. 

7. Three things that come to mind when thinking of your club.

Happiness (pussy i know), Hillsborough (mainly the memorial which is just lovely) and Istanbul. this one was a bit vague because theres more than just that but thats what ill go for. 9. If your club were to fall apart and players would try leaving and you had the power to keep one player still, which one would it be?

Ben Woodburn and its in fucking bold because this boy is the future of Liverpool11. Any good luck habits you have before watching a game?

I wear my shirt usually, i dont know why i just feel like i have to rep them in some way it doesnt really matter if people see or not but like yeah just more supporting the boys i suppose13. A favorite football memory you'd lose in exchange for a legendary football moment you'd like to witness in the past?

erm, i would trade in the FA Cup final against west ham in 2006 (the 2nd best memory i have btw) in exchange to see Rome ‘77 against Monchengladbach15. If you had the power to erase a player your club owned from everyone's memories, who would it be?

erm this ones hard. just for being an absolute cunt ill go with el hadji diouf17. If you were to become manager of your club, what kind of changes would you make to the squad? What kind of a different lineup? What different tactics?

ooooo this ones right up my alley. Firstly we would not go to a back 3 like every other fucker around we would play a 4-2-3-1 with Studge as the lone striker and Divock as a backup. the 3 behind will be attacking midfielders with mane on the rightmost side (still tight and compact for runs through the middle but freedom to hit the wings when needbe). Couti on the left and either bobby or adam down the middle. obviously all 4 players can occupy any of these 3 positions so feel welcome to rest one when they need resting etc. holding midfielders should be jordan and gini with emre and lucas as backups and the back 4 is simple enough. We need to bring in a new centre back and left back but then clyney and joel are first teamers. milli is a squad rotation player who can play almost anywhere and dejan is a solid backup centre half. Trent can also fill in at right back when needs be. simon in goal i genuinely think hes really underrated  

19. An unpopular opinion you have about football.

You should support your hometown team from your national league and thats it. Also if you do support clubs in other leagues that is fine but supporting more than one club from the same league is just stupid and if you support 2 rivals then in my opinion you dont have the passion of the fans who put everything into that team. 21. Would you date a footballer from your rival club?

well marcus, jesse and david are all hot so yes 23. Would you rather go into the future and see how your club would develop and have the power to change the outcome or go back in the past to a painful moment in your club's history and revert the situation?

Go back to the UCL final in 2007 and make us win25. Your club colors are no longer the ones you had. What colors would you want them to have?

brazil like yellow

27. You can control the fate in /one/ match that has happened in the past. You can choose any match you want. Which one would it be and why?

see question 23 :’) 29. Would you rather your team lose by just a slim score and you know they did absolutely everything they could but they lose a title, or have your team win the title by cheating or referee help?

win obviously 

31. What's the most angry you've ever been at a football game?ive been really bad this season, so probably the match against Un*ted at Anfield were they just defended all game like a BTEC fucking Burnley.33. What do you think about people that support more than two clubs?

So long as theyre in different leagues i dont mind. 2 teams from the same league i really dont like 35. Which player would you bring back that your club once had? Which player would you want in your club that they didn't have?

Luis Suarez and Alan Shearer. 37. Do you feel defenders and goalkeepers are underrated as opposed to midfielders and strikers and why?

Yes i do, look at the transfer prices of strikers and midfielders in comparison. 39. Nike or Adidas?I love them both tbh. Probably Adidas just because i have a little bit more of it but i love both

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Brady Tkachuk Leaving College, Johnny Gaudreau and Ranking Systems (Aug 12)

Brady Tkachuk Leaving College, Johnny Gaudreau and Ranking Systems, plus more…

According to John Buccigross of ESPN, Brady Tkachuk has decided to leave Boston University and sign a pro contract with the Ottawa Senators.  

Brady Tkachuk, son of Keith, has informed Boston University Head Coach Albie O'Connell of his intentions to sign a pro contract. pic.twitter.com/3VziMjCin8

— Bucci Mane (@Buccigross) August 11, 2018

In case you’re wondering, the younger Tkachuk is already listed in the Fantasy Guide as playing for Ottawa this coming season. But there’s still a chance that he may not spend the entire season in Ottawa. This could play out by the Senators keeping Tkachuk around for the nine-game trial, then sending him to the OHL’s London Knights, who own his rights.   

Snooping around on the Brady Tkachuk story, there is a strong belief from most corners that he ends up playing with the London Knights this season.

— Jeff Marek (@JeffMarek) August 11, 2018

In case you’re wondering where Tkachuk might fit in now, the Sens have a number of established NHL-level players at the left wing position. But with the departure of Mike Hoffman, the Sens also lack a true top-liner at that position. So Tkachuk could receive an opportunity to latch on to a scoring line right away.

It's anyone’s guess whether Tkachuk would stay in Ottawa for the full season or not. But it’s worth mentioning that brother Matthew went straight to the Flames right after being drafted and stayed the entire season. So it’s possible that Brady is trying to follow the same path. But ultimately it will be the Senators’ decision. If the Sens are a Canadian tire fire again, then playing in London would be a better option for the 2018-19 season.

One left wing that Tkachuk will be battling for minutes with will be Ryan Dzingel. With all the turmoil in Ottawa last season (and stretching into the offseason), it’s easy to overlook the fact that Dzingel tied for the team lead in goals with 23. There’s lots to like with Dzingel as a potential deep sleeper. Not only is he playing for a contract, but he is also entering his fourth season (if you count his 30-game 2015-16 season). His production climbed as the season went on, which was at least partially due to his deployment with Matt Duchene later in the season.

At this point Dzingel might be the preferred choice on the top line while Tkachuk becomes accustomed to the NHL either this season or next. But long term, he’s probably keeping the seat warm for Tkachuk. In the meantime, you can have fun saying the name "Dzingel!" Doesn't it just roll off the tongue?  

{youtube}u85u2ymDl8M{/youtube}

*

ESPN has recently published its fantasy hockey rankings. Although the World Wide Leader isn’t known for hockey in general or fantasy hockey in particular, these rankings are worth checking out, especially if you play in a fantasy hockey league hosted by ESPN. I know, as a company man, I should suggest that you only go to the Dobber rankings, so I’m not going to disparage them in any way. Rankings are not an easy job, since I’ve compiled them myself. But in past drafts, I’ve used multiple rankings sheets, combined with either my personal rankings sheets or simply my own judgment, to get what I think is a better idea of where I should really draft a player.

So to expand on what different rankings systems mean: ESPN rankings are designed for single-season leagues, particularly those using ESPN default settings, which use multiple categories. Dobber rankings such as the Top 300 Keeper League Skaters rank skaters only using the player’s keeper value in a points-only setting. So that should explain to some degree why Johnny Gaudreau is ranked #7 in the Dobber rankings, but #46 by ESPN. Gaudreau will arguably be a top-10 scorer over the next few seasons, yet he is grouped among the following by the ESPN Player Rater (which I realize is down at the moment, but I was able to access a couple nights ago):  

Rank

Player

G

A

+/-

PIM

PPP

ATOI

SOG

40

Patrice Bergeron

2.32

1.32

2.01

0.08

1.98

0.65

1.79

41

Filip Forsberg

1.89

1.67

2.58

0.62

1.98

0.21

1.17

42

Johnny Gaudreau

1.67

3.22

0.23

0.08

2.36

0.64

1.83

43

Aleksander Barkov

1.99

2.59

0.89

-0.46

1.48

1.23

2.22

44

Vladimir Tarasenko

2.64

1.32

1.45

-0.33

1.35

0.56

2.91

  Aside from the power-play points category, you can see where Gaudreau potentially loses value when compared to other peers in non-straight points categories. In fact, most of Johnny Hockey’s points come in the form of assists, which is a category that he dominates when compared to the rest of this group.

So a Gaudreau multicategory owner (or one in a points league where goals are worth more than assists) would need to ensure that he/she is receiving enough coverage in the goals department from other players. Think of that as needing to eat different types of food in order to ensure a healthy diet. Gaudreau has only reached the 30-goal mark once during his four-year NHL career, but he has recorded at least 40 assists in all four of those seasons.

Keep in mind that you are not restricted to the Top 300 Keeper Skaters when it comes to rankings provided by Dobber Hockey. You also have Roto Rankings on the site, the customizable draft list Excel spreadsheet that is included with the Fantasy Guide, and even the Fantasy Hockey Geek that allows you to customize rankings to your league settings.

The message I want to get across is that before you critique rankings, understand how they are constructed. But if you still believe that a player is ranked too high/too low on any of the rankings lists, please post your comments on the rankings page. Public opinion can at least provide some food for thought.

*

I have to admit that while I was looking up power-play stats over the past few seasons, I stumbled upon the very same stat about Claude Giroux that Cam Robinson did in his previous day’s Ramblings. (Am I allowed to say that great minds think alike?) In case you missed it, Giroux and Nicklas Backstrom are the co-leaders in power-play points over the past five seasons with 168 PPP apiece. Actually, if you go back just four seasons, Giroux leads all players with 131 PPP, seven clear of Backstrom, who is the next highest. And back three seasons, Giroux also leads all players with 94 PPP. Over five of his past seven seasons, Giroux has recorded at least 30 PPP.

Tying into my earlier topic, and maybe this is a coincidence given Gaudreau above: Giroux is ranked number 10 in both Dobber’s Top 300 and on ESPN. Regardless, he’s definitely a name to remember if your league counts power-play points.

*

Finally…

Obviously there isn’t a lot of hockey being played at the moment. One exception, though, is the Hlinka-Gretzky Cup, the under-18 tournament that just finished in Edmonton. Remember the name Alexis Lafreniere, who captained Canada to a gold medal. He will miss out on the 2019 NHL draft by less than a month, yet he should be at or near the top of the list for the 2020 draft. This goal is worth the minute or so of your time to get acquainted with this super prospect. Don’t just watch the live goal – also watch the replay where he strips the puck from the Swedish player.  

Are you SERIOUS Alexis Lafrenière? He does it all himself to put #TeamCanada ahead of #Sweden3-2! #HlinkaGretzkyCup pic.twitter.com/PYAEzjzEWz

— TSN (@TSN_Sports) August 12, 2018

Of course, Canada’s win wasn’t without some controversy. Canada barely escaped the semis with a “buzzer-beater” to send their game with the US into overtime. Looks like the clock showed 0.0 when the puck crossed the line, but the officials ruled it a good goal.  

Canada finds the back of the net as time expires and the officials rule it a good goal to send the game to overtime. #HlinkaGretzkyCup pic.twitter.com/hrvbsKSbmI

— TSN (@TSN_Sports) August 11, 2018

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

  from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-brady-tkachuk-leaving-college-johnny-gaudreau-and-ranking-systems-aug-12/

[bestmovies0]

David Byrne: Im able to talk in a social group now not retreat into a corner

At 65, the phenomenally creative David Byrne is still rocks renaissance human. As he launches his first solo album in 14 years, he discloses why hes started collecting reasons to be cheerful

The first time David Byrne came to the Roundhouse in Camden was in 1977, when his band, Talking Heads, supported the Ramones. Both bands were deluged with phlegm, because that’s what punks thought they were meant to do then. Forty-one years later, the man, the venue and the fans have all changed. Tonight, Byrne is treating a small, respectful audience in the Roundhouse’s Sackler Space to a PowerPoint lecture called ” Reasons to be Cheerful “. Nobody spits.

Byrne came up with the idea two years ago. Obama was on his way out, Trump was on his way up, and Byrne wanted to alleviate the gloomines by collating stories of the positive developments from around the world- not grand strategies but small, pragmatic inventions that work. Seeming like a dapper academic with his sharp grey suit and shock of white mane, the 65 -year-old clicks through his slips: carbon-neutral urban development in Sweden, high-speed bus lanes in South America, an anti-corruption game show in Africa. To quote one of his famous lyrics, this ain’t no disco, but nor is it out of character. For the majority of members of their own lives, Byrne has been asking if things can be done differently.

The following afternoon, folded into the corner of a hotel lounge, I ask him if the exercise has worked. Has it built him more cheerful?

” I don’t know ,” he says.” I belief I’m a naturally cheery person so I don’t have anything to measure it against. Maybe if I didn’t do it I’d be really depressed, but I have no suggestion .” Some of his pals find this confusing.” They do sometimes ask me:’ David, you seem to be fairly happy most of the time. What’s up? What’s going on with you ?'”

Byrne chuckles. He has a selection box of giggles- simmering laughter, conspiratorial laughter, strangled whinny, lusty guffaw, something that sounds like a stifled sneeze- yet remains somewhat detached. He gazes out of the window at the rush-hour crowds, he surveys an unwanted plate of fancy cookies, he looks nowhere in particular. Very occasionally, as if by collision, he makes eye contact.” I’ve changed over the years ,” he insists.” I’m imperfect, but I communicate better. I don’t only interred things and let them explosion at some phase. I’m able to talk in a social group whereas before I would retreat into a corner .”

Stimulating appreciation: Talking Heads in 1977. Photo: Gus Stewart/ Redferns

It makes you wonder how much Byrne would have achieved if he had been naturally sociable. In 1986, he was billed on the encompas of Time magazine as” Rock’s Renaissance Man: Vocalist, Composer, Lyricist, Guitarist, Film Director, Writer, Actor, Video Artist, Designer, Photographer .” Since then, he has liberated six solo albums; recorded with Brian Eno, St Vincent, Arcade Fire and De La Soul; scored movies, play-acts and Tv demonstrates; won an Oscar; founded the Luaka Bop record label; started an online radio station; composed an operetta about Imelda Marcos with Fatboy Slim; exhibited artwork; written books about music and cycling; written volumes of photographs and sketches; designed bike racks; became a ferry terminal into a musical instrument; and played himself on The Simpsons . Like Brian Eno, a pal and collaborator for 40 years, Byrne has parlayed stone celebrity into a life so eventful that it makes simply performing in a band seem parochial.

” There are certainly things I’ve done that weren’t as good as they could have been ,” Byrne says.” Or I’ve taken wrong turnings and there’s no setting it. But then you think, well, move on. Don’t worry about it too much. Better to keep the creative muscles moving rather than sitting and waiting for the great stuff to arrive .”

When he meets Eno, Byrne says, they often don’t talk about music at all. I suspect he wishes his interviews were more like that. Byrne is about to liberate his first solo album in 14 years, American Utopia , and Reasons to be Cheerful is a behavior to stimulate the promotional schedule more interesting.

” I tend to avoid the life story ,” he says. In place of a memoir, his 2012 volume How Music Works was a curious( in both appreciations of the word) amalgam of autobiography, anthropology and theory in which he often came across as a neutral observer of his own life.

‘ I tend to avoid the life story ‘: with ex-wife Adelle Lutz. Photograph: Ted Thai/ The LIFE Picture Collection/ Getty Images

Talking Psyches released their final album in 1988, but their influence suffers. Just last year, Selena Gomez constructed her hit, Bad Liar, all over the groove from 1977′ s Psycho Killer. In the 2016 movie 20 th Century Women , a teenage son in late-7 0s California is bullied for liking” art fags” Talking Heads instead of hardcore punk bands. Byrne detects this so hilarious that he can scarcely speak.

Byrne, bassist Tina Weymouth and drummer Chris Frantz met at the Rhode Island School of Design and formed Talking Heads in 1975; keyboardist/ guitarist Jerry Harrison joined afterwards. They were chronologically punk, but spiritually post-punk, determined to dismantle the cliches of rock’n’roll and write their own regulations.” No boulder moves or poses , no pomp or drama , no stone hair , no rock illuminates , no rehearsed stage patter ,” Byrne wrote in How Music Works . They questioned everything. What is a boulder band? What is a pop anthem? Why this? Why not that? A better name would have been How Does Music Work?

Byrne’s songwriting perspective is summed up on his new single, Everybody’s Coming to My House:” We’re merely tourists in this life/ Simply tourists but the panorama is nice .” Even when he wasn’t sing in character- a sociopath, a televangelist, a domestic terrorist- he had a knack for inducing the familiar strange and unnerving. Animals, vehicles, buildings, Tv, climate, haircuts … everything was visualized with alien eyes. It’s no surprise to learn that his one strive at writing a short story (” truly not my thing “) was science fiction.” I’m not just going to take the received technique ,” he recollects thinking when the band started.” I have to start from scratch and visualize what comes out. I reckoned there’s no regulation that says you can’t do this, so let’s try writing about something that nobody’s written about before .”

To do that, you need an unusual perspective on “the worlds”.” It ever seems entirely natural to me because it’s me ,” Byrne says with delight.” I’ve had enough people tell me that it’s not completely typical that I know, oh, OK, to some people this might seem a little odd. But then often I feel like no, I’m just giving you an objective description of what’s in front of me. What’s so odd about that ?”

The personality that spawned such unique music did not induce him easy to share a band with. A few years ago, I interviewed Tina Weymouth and she was still furious about how she supposes Byrne treated the rest of the band.” David’s a most varied kind of person ,” she told me.” He doesn’t pertain emotionally to things. You cannot guess what’s in his psyche, and what he says and what he does can be two entirely different things .” A few days after I satisfy Byrne, Chris Frantz, who is married to Weymouth, will write online that the vocalist had” humiliated, humiliated and marginalised” her.

Unresolved tension: with band members Jerry Harrison, Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth. Photo: Benno Friedman/ The LIFE Images Collection/ Getty Images

Does Byrne feel bad about this unresolved tension? “Um,” he winces,” she has said some wild things sometimes. I feel bad that the ending was so messy, but that tends to happen. It’s pretty hard to have an amiable divorce .” He brightens.” Although I’ve kind of managed that. We’re actually friends now .”( He entails his 17 -year wedlock to the costume designer Adelle Lutz, which ended in 2004.)” Yes it was uncomfortable ,” he continues.” I guess I probably did not behave all that well all the time. Neither did the others. It was a very messy thing. But to hold on to that seems like …” he shrugs,” well that was quite a while ago .”

Was he a hard person to understand back then?” I was probably a little bit less forthcoming. There were certainly periods when I was singularly focused on getting something accomplished .” He mentions the tour for their 1983 album Speaking in Tongues , which retraced an arc from paranoid solitude to communal ecstasy and was documented by Jonathan Demme in the film Stop Making Sense .” That was a real preoccupation. I can imagine I must at times have been a real pain in the ass to deal with. The depicts were fine but maybe the experience with me was not always pleasant .”

Even if he were to mend that bridge, Byrne would have no interest in a reunion. It’s not as if he’s creatively lonely. American Utopia features contributions from Eno, Sampha and The xx producer Rodaidh McDonald. The seeds were sown years ago, when Byrne read Alexis de Tocqueville’s Democracy in America while on tour( a very Byrne-like thing to do ).” Many of the chapter names are questions ,” he says.” You can tell he wishes America well, but he assures a lot of problems in store. He ensure it as a grand experimentation, which a lot of people did at the time. That utopian sense is still there but it’s very close to being completely extinguished .”

Byrne officially became an American in 2012. Although he has lived in the US since he was eight, he was born in Scotland and didn’t apply for dual citizenship until an awkward dialogue at a polling station.” I’d been occasionally voting before that ,” he acknowledges.” I naively thought it was legal and they never cross-checked. Then eventually they looked at my ID and said:’ You can’t vote !’ So I said OK, I’ve gotta run through this whole thing now .”

Does it make him feel any different?” If you’re going through passport control “youre starting” thinking, what if they think this means I agree with a lot of the things the US get up to? But you could say that about people here as well. They might think they’re more clever but they’re not .”

Rather than get caught up in the” political interference” of Trump, Byrne attempts out smaller, more uplifting tales. One of the modest heroes of Reasons to be Cheerful is Dale Ross, the Republican mayor of Georgetown, Texas, who broke with party creed and are used in clean energy.” That to me was tremendously inspiring ,” Byrne says.” This guy stepped out of the ring and said:’ I’ve done the math and I think this would be preferable for my city .'”

I can portrait Byrne in City Hall , commissioning analyses and introducing practical reforms. Recollecting his own bohemian youth in 70 s New York, he worries about the economic an impediment to ingenuity now.” Things were allowed to flourish ,” he says.” In a city where the rents going to go sky-high, you might need to regulate things so there’s a diversity of activities and incomes rather than closing it off and saying:’ Simply amply successful people live their lives this island. The remainder of you- call us when you’ve got more money .'”

Musician and visionary David Byrne. Photograph: Phil Fisk for the Observer figcaption > source >

Utopia, for Byrne, is not a particular place or system but an aspiration.” It’s more about our yearn for something better ,” he says.” We keep asking ourselves: is there another way to live or is this the only way? Did we have to end up like this or could it have been different ?”

He could be talking about his art. It’s a long way from is in favour of Ramones to writing a disco opu about Imelda Marcos, but Byrne’s philosophy has been remarkably consistent. What he cherished about punk four decades ago was the DIY aspect. “Anyone can do it,” he says.” It was very all-inclusive in that route .” He observed the same DIY spirit at the Mudd Club, the early 80 s New York hangout where you could find Byrne and Blondie, Basquiat and Warhol, Ginsberg and Burroughs.” You’ve got an idea? You’ve got something you want to try? Why not ?” He’s still asking.

* * *

Global reasons to be cheerful

By David Byrne

1. Healing the divide Georgetown is one of Texas’s most conservative suburbiums, but gets all its electricity from renewable sources. Its mayor, Dale Ross, a Republican in what is considered petroleum country, made a decision in 2015. He discounted party orthodoxy and did what was best for his constituents. That folks can imagine rationally and dismiss partisan creed, on both sides, is hugely encouraging.

2. Norway prison reform Most countries’ prison setting are failures- the rate of recidivism is abysmal. But Norway seems to have figured out a successful answer. Their captivity rate is 75 per 100,000 people, compared to 707 per 100,000 in the US. The felony rate is lower, but part of the reason it’s lower is because they focus on genuine reform , not just punishment. The rate at which inmates end up back in prison is 20% in Norway, versus 76.6% in the US. At Halden Prison there are no bars on the windows, they have full kitchens( knives included) and lots of job and vocational training. There’s even a recording studio. So whatever they’re doing, it’s working.

3. Bike sharing has defeated the world Not merely does it feel good to journey, but cycling relieves automobile congestion, it’s good for business, it doesn’t pollute, it’s healthy and it expands the mental maps of occupants … and I’ve found it’s often the fastest style to get around. Cities all over the world have adopted similar systems to the French Velib system, and now some Chinese corporations are introducing stationless systems.

4. Knock-on effects of culture We in the arts and humanities often complain that our work is undervalued, at the least to its implementation of being beneficial to civilization compared to the Stem disciplines. Finally we have some proof, and the effects are somewhat unexpected. A recent learn by the Social Impact of the Artworks Project at the University of Pennsylvania showed that when libraries and other cultural establishments are placed in the boroughs around New York, there are surprising knock-on effects :

a . strong> The children’ exam scores go up b . strong> Spousal abuse goes down c . strong> Obesity goes down d . strong> The felony rate goes down

Things that might seem to be unrelated are actually connected. To lower crime, perhaps we don’t need more prisons or stiffer sentencing; part of the answer might be to build a library.

5. Successfully dealing with drug addiction Fifteen years ago Portugal had a drug problem. Rather than declare a’ war on medications’ as the US and other places did, they took a bold and revolutionary pace, and it was hugely successful. Here’s what they did. They decriminalised all drugs and began a major health campaign. They viewed drug use and craving as a health issue , not a criminal justice issue. Last time there used to be 64,000 overdose deaths in the US. Among Portuguese adults “theres only” 30 drug- overdose demises- which is 1/50 th of the US overdose rate. Seems like they won the war on medications by not joining it. reasonstobecheerful.world

David Byrne’s new album, American Utopia , is released on 9 March by Nonesuch Record. He tours the UK in June

Read more: https :// www.theguardian.com/ music/ 2018/ disfigured/ 04/ david-byrne-i-am-able-to-talk-in-a-social-group-now-american-utopia

from https://bestmovies.fun/2018/03/06/david-byrne-im-able-to-talk-in-a-social-group-now-not-retreat-into-a-corner/

[deadcactuswalking]

PROMISE ME NO PROMISES -- THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017

Let’s just get on with it. I’ll be less intricate and eloquent here – I’m just going to rip and tear into all these songs. Hello and welcome to...

THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017

I would give you dishonourable mentions but I feel there isn’t much here that is truly terrible enough to be noted other than the songs on the list so let’s just get straight into it!

#10

Have you ever hurt so much, physically or emotionally, that the only thing you can do is yell and yell, like a primal release of your...

PAIN!

#10 – Imagine Dragons – “Believer”

There are many, many elements in this song that mesh together like an insipid soup of gouged eyeballs, but on their own are more like slightly expired cheese strings – just that right balance of annoying, gross and still kind of okay, so much that you just don’t notice it if you don’t pay much attention. Let me tell you how about every single one of them:

1) What on earth is that percussion? This was supposed to be powerful but just sounds like the drummer fell asleep on his drum kit, with the bassist swirling his head around when needs be so he can hit the right drums.

2) The buzzing synth that is ever so subtle but ever so murderously annoying.

3) Dan Reynolds’ vocal inflections and singing – we’ll talk about those later.

4) The backing vocals sounding like wolves howling so weakly you’d think they’re in...

PAIN!

5) That.

6) The fact that Dan makes a weak attempt at rapping.

7) The lyrics making next to no sense and having next to no structure.

8) The whole point of the grating-as-all-hell chorus being so it can have that pause and dramatic drop for a movie trailer.

9) The fact that it’s still insanely catchy despite all these flaws.

10) And finally, the collision of all these intestine-munching parasites in the stomach-curling hell of a final chorus, with even more of those shrill additional vocals from the rest of the fantasy dragons that sound like a choir straight out of Robot Hell.

God, and this is only #10.

#9

This will be unpopular. Very unpopular.

#9 – SZA – “Love Galore” featuring Travis Scott

Let’s talk about how much of an autotuned non-prescience Travis Scott is. He sounds like he’s been drowned out entirely by his own waves of sing-rapping. Not to say SZA’s inflections and melody aren’t any more annoying. The “love” melody is, I swear, one of the worst melodies I’ve heard all year. SZA has a faux-Jamaican accent thing going on, which wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t so obnoxious. Those effects piled onto her vocals aren’t doing her any favours, either. The worst part of this song is not Travis and it’s not SZA. It’s the production. The minimalistic, boring production in the intro leads to a bass-boosted apple-picking session where the apples are filled with helium, the tree is shaking and I have a knife to my throat. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere. I would put this in a tied entry higher on the list but I can’t deny the harmony later into the song and Travis’ adlibs are always a treat, honestly. Ya! I don’t know why, but I love them. You could say I low-oh-low-ah-oh-love them. I’m sorry, everyone who like this – and I know, there’s a lot of them – but I’m not a fan.

#8

[chuckling and snickering]

#8 – Drake – “Fake Love”

[bursts out laughing] This song is probably too hilarious to hate, but it’s so pathetic that I just had to put it on here. If you like subtly autotuned wailing leaping out of Drake’s confused, blurred mess of a vocal performance, over steel pans and trap percussion, you’re in luck.

Whole time, they wanna take my place / Whole time, they wanna take my place

That falsetto sounds like a whimpering child whose sandcastle just got stomped on. It’s somehow both cute and ear-shredding.

I’ve been down so long

You were never down; in fact, we’re damn near sick of you, Drake. You don’t sound like you were on any type of downer when you recorded this though.  The sheer emotion in his vocals is clear, but they’re not very good at all. They just aren’t, and I can’t listen to this song without clocking a smile. When I’m sad, I put this song on. It’s that depressingly hilarious.

Fake people showing fake love to me / Straight up to my face

The lyrics to this are blunt but fragile, and are actually a beautiful set of lyrics that really capture Drake’s anger – are people showing him fake love? Probably not, but he’s so paranoid that they are. It’s a great set of lyrics, but Drake’s delivery is equivalent to a parrot who just got dumped and is feeling human emotions like grief, denial and sadness for the first time in its life. This could have easily been the same spot on my best list, so much that I had to go to random.org to decide if this should go on the best or worst list because this is simultaneously terrible and terrific. That Scary Hours EP is pretty cool though, you should check that out... or if you want a laugh, just open up Spotify and listen to “Fake Love”. Better luck next year, better luck next year, ‘cause I’m excited to start giving Drake love next year.

#7

I put two Maroon 5 songs on my best list. I suppose this is my punishment.

#7 – Maroon 5 – “Don’t Wanna Know” featuring Kendrick Lamar

Everyone’s already talked about this song, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse. I’m going to beat a pissy, mind-numbingly repetitive, vocally ear-splitting, blandly tropical, trend-hopping, Kendrick-wasting, badly-tasting, copy-and-pasting, dung-pile of a horse. Oh, wait, I kind of already did that just now. I’ll just leave with you with one of K-Dot’s most fitting lyrics – from this very song:

No more, please stop

#6

This isn’t a hit song; this is a godforsaken nursery rhyme.

#6 – blackbear – “do re mi” (remix) featuring Gucci Mane

The intro to this song is just a bunch of random noises. I’m not kidding, there’s a few synthesizer sounds, a pitched-up reverb-affected sample of blackbear singing the hook, blackbear’s very own ad-libs, some of which are pitched-down, and Gucci Mane yelling “Gucc’!” at the top of his lungs, which I’m surprised isn’t a meme. You know what else is meme-worthy? This dude’s falsetto.

Do re mi, fa, so f**king done with you

And this hook, these lyrics and that melody. Am I the only one who thinks it would somehow be more obnoxious and cringe-worthy if he said “freaking done with you” instead? No?

I think this song is just purely bitter, but not in a way I can relate to, just dark chocolate without flavour or texture. Fittingly, the instrumentation and production is some of the blandest trap-R&B I’ve ever heard. blackbear sounds like a robot for most of the verse until he breaks out as nonsensical child turned angry R&B sing-rapper who broke up with a supposed floozy. Honestly, Gucci Mane’s verse is pretty good but it has hardly any relation to the rest of the song so it’s almost a certainty that I’ll enjoy it, because this song is garbage. How in the hell did this trash make the year-end? I hope blackbear has another hit because frankly, I quite enjoy some of his music, and I don’t want this to be his only hit. Gucci Mane is still awesome though.

#5

There are two songs on this list with a Beyoncé remix, both of which I have credited as the original instead because I don’t want her to be on the list twice when she’s easily the best part of both songs by a landslide. You know why this next one’s on the list, so let’s not waste our time.

#5 – J Balvin and Willy Williams – “Mi Gente”

To describe this song, I have to ask you two questions, the first one being: Have you ever heard a goat or sheep blaring in a farm or zoo? This is what that screeching ear-piercing sample makes you think of – a herd of goats all angry, hungry and confused – which is taken from a song that samples that very sound as well, from another song. The second question is: have you ever heard a reggaeton song? Of course, you have, you’ve heard “Despacito”, haven’t you? Imagine them mixed together, but no, not mixed in a sleekly-designed modern building, collided in a messy derelict ramshackle of an apartment with sweat dripping down every single piece of dirty laundry, in which the sweat is coming from the rats inside the walls instead of the ghastly insane elderly woman who lives there with her ten cats, who is so moist and dry in old age she has lost the ability to sweat, cry or her favourite thing to do, spit on people. Hence, she’s criminally depressed and so am I after listening to this song, as it is so unbearable to the point where I’m flabbergasted at how this became a top 10 hit. Next!

#4

Wait a second... I don’t even know what “mi gente” means. Oh, it means “my people”? Talking about a group of people, here’s our first, last and only tie on the list, and it’s a doozy.

#4 – Yo Gotti  - “Rake it Up” featuring Nicki Minaj / Lil Uzi Vert - “XO Tour Llif3”

These are completely different songs, but they both represent the oversaturation of trap in their sleep-inducing beats, stupid, scatterbrain lyrics that show off every single rap cliché possible (I’ll go into detail some other time in a bonus list after this one) and a whole dose of bad vocal performances, most notably Lil Uzi Vert’s autotuned whining in “XO Tour Llif3”. At least they’re the only God-awful trap songs to be hits this year.

#4 – Kodak Black – “Tunnel Vision”

Oh, yeah, the song about racial profiling that also includes a lyric about or at least implying a reference to your rape charges... I think I know why they want you locked up, mate. While you’re there, we should also give you some basic English education, because anyone who thinks “iggin’” is a perfectly usable word, and that “winning”, “listen” and “iggin’” rhyme with “penitentiary” should probably start re-thinking if the school they went to did the best job they could. Well, at least Rae Sremmurd didn’t have a hit this year.

#4 – Ayo & Teo – “Rolex” / Rae Sremmurd – “Swang”

Two—two of them? We have two of them now?!

Hop out, drop-top, f **k y’all talkin’, I need it right now, right now

What’s with the falsettos this year? Did everyone forget how to sing in a higher pitch properly?

#4 – ZAYN and Taylor Swift – “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Forever)”

Oh, so, that’s a yes, then? How about we just give hits to people who can’t sing at all?

#4 – Julia Michaels – “Issues”

I have issues with this song, but again, it’d be beating a dead horse with a sack of coal. At least it’s a woman who can’t sing this time... Girl power, I guess?

#4 – Halsey – “Now or Never”

Well, at least she can sing, I suppose. It’s just that this song is all over the place, like a bed that’s way too...

#4 – Migos – “Slippery” featuring Gucci Mane

Sorry, Gucc’. I love you, man, I really do, but you associate yourself with some of the worst singers, some of the least interesting rappers, and sometimes...

Two b****es so fine that I masturbated

...some of the worst yet still very interesting lyrics.

Yes, those are all my picks for #4. They are all as equally lazy and incompetent as each other.

#3

Now let’s move onto one song that is somehow worse than every single song in the last spot combined, mostly due to the annoyance of every single possible sound effect the producers crammed into it.

#3 – Hailee Steinfeld and Grey – “Starving” featuring Zedd

I didn’t know that I was starving ‘til I tasted you

Okay, a bit of a weird metaphor, but it adds some sensuality to it all so it gives the relationship some lip-biting romance, so that’s a decent line.

Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo

Oh... never mind. Seriously, the concept of this line is okay on paper, but “the whole damn zoo” is so forced and downright nonsensical that it really takes me out of whatever sensuality, romance or even fun this line was supposed to be portraying. Butterflies aren’t even typically animals that are perceived as “zoo animals”; they’re found in zoos in those enclosures but that’s pretty much it. What were you going for here, five writers? Seriously, you had five writers, none of which are credited because of sampling or interpolation by the way, three of which being professional, two of which being Grey themselves, and none of those grown men and women could figure out any reason to why this line is incredibly corny, or have the gall to object it? Yes, most of this section has been about that lyric but what else is there to criticise other than that lyric and the drop, which is one of the weakest this year? I’ll pass.

#2

So what’s number #2? It can’t be as bad as that song.

#2 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”

...Then dishonourable mentions time it is!

Dishonourable Mentions

Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”

This is in order of the Year-End and not my opinion because I just want to not talk about “Thunder” as easily and as long as I can. If the most popular song of the year is this terrible, it should be a bad sign, but 2017 is great, so I suppose there are exceptions.

Sam Hunt – “Body like a Back Road”

I’ve made a rule to never put country songs on any lists because I have a negative bias towards them; just never enjoyed the genre that much. Sorry.

James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”

Boring.

Kygo and Selena Gomez – “It Ain’t Me”

This drop just completely ruins the song.

Logic – “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid

Khalid saves this.

Who can relate? (whoo!)

Taylor Swift – “Look What You Made Me Do”

This has a really good pre-chorus. That’s about all my positives.

Machine Gun Kelly – “Bad Things” featuring Camila Cabello

“Havana” must have been a fluke.

Ariana Grande – “Side to Side” featuring Nicki Minaj

Wrist icicle, ride d**k bicycle / Come true, yo, get you this type of blow / If you wanna Minaj, I got a tricycle

D**k bicycle... okay, Nicki.

Shawn Mendes – “Mercy”

I suppose this has enough of a rock edge for me to forgive.

Some random teenage nobodies – “that Vine dance song (why do these still exist)”

Dead horse.

Katy Perry – “Chained to the Rhythm”

Are we tone-deaf?

Are you talking to the people who bought your album?

Jon Bellion – “All Time Low”

Out of all of their discography, I can’t believe “Jon Bellion” is the song that got big. “Weightless” is so much better.

Sam Smith – “Too Good at Goodbyes”

This is so perfect that it sickens me.

P!nk – “What About Us”

This is so non-descript that it sickens me.

Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato

Whoever the guy is needs to input the singing codes. It’s D, O, O, R, left.

Shawn Mendes – “Treat You Better”

Ew.

Rita Ora – “Anywhere”

Oh, how I wish you crossed over.

The Chainsmokers – “Closer” featuring Halsey / Future – “Mask Off” / DJ Khaled – “I’m the One” featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne

I’ve yet to decide if these songs are heaven-sent or hells spawn.

Now, let’s talk about the demon that is “Thunder”.

Thunder, feel the thunder

There are so many things about this song that make me want to shrivel up in the corner and rot. First of all, there’s the way-too-bouncy trap production for an otherwise triumphant song; it shouldn’t be this joyful and plucky. Those finger-snaps are so blatantly fake, and that synth sounds like literal yawning edited to sound like a chirping tone that just scratches the surface of unbearable. Dan Reynolds in general is an absolute plonker throughout the verses, with the vocal inflections of a Pez dispenser who just, for no reason, slides off into a spiral of autotuned murmuring in the first verse.

Just a young gun, with a quick fuse / I was uptight, wanna let loose / I was dreaming of bigger things / And wanna leave my whole life behind

The lyrics, by the way, are literally saying “I was into this band before you were cool”, which makes the second verse even more aggravating, especially due to the pitch-shifted vocal that appears on every single one of his terrible vocal inflections.

Kids were laughing in my classes / While I was scheming for the masses

Now I’m smiling from the stage while / You were clapping in the nosebleeds

The verses are terrible, but it’s not the worst part of this song, and neither is the next thing I’m going to bring up, but this is awful too.

You know how Kanye West manipulated samples so they’d sound kind of like a chipmunk? Well, Imagine Dragons do the same, however here, instead of a low-key soul-influenced hip hop track, it’s supposed to be a triumphant synth-pop victory lap, so this repetitious pitch-shifted nonsense is unfitting, unnecessary and unbearable. What are they repeating, you ask? The word “thunder”, which Dan does in the chorus as well. Hence, the word “thunder” is used approximately 78 times, excluding when only one syllable of the word is said (that happens a lot too). This song is just barely over three minutes, and there’s not many instrumental parts, apart from a certain section we’ll get to later. “Thunder” doesn’t have as much of an impact when it’s said nearly 80 times in your relatively short song, that was made for pop radio so of course it’s going to be played frequently.

There’s also that guitar solo... that pathetic wimpy guitar solo. There’s such a leap in hatred and lack of quality and redeemable moments from #3 to #2... what was #1? “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran? Well, I hate that song, but technically, it doesn’t count because it didn’t make the Year-End... screw it.

#10 – Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato

Which means...

#1 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”

You happy, Dan? I’m officially jealous of you, like you wanted me to be. I’m envious of your success despite several attempts to make the radio play garbage – and not even the good kind like recyclable garbage or guilty-pleasure garbage, just plain, unadulterated crap worthy of no more attention. Congratu-freaking-lations. I’ll see you for the next episode of Reviewing the Charts or the next review or whatever, I don’t care. Goodbye. Hopefully next year is the same quality or even better than this year. So far it doesn’t seem to be even close.

Thun-thun-thunder, thunder.

[stylishleeds]

Hey NaturalLeeders! Happy Last Day of the YEAR! & YES I’m leaving you with a REVIEW because I can’t wait until the New Year hits to share these babies with you.

Honey Baby Naturals…

I actually had never heard of them until I attended the Quintessential Natural Hair Tour in Miami last month [see HERE]. I was checking out the vendors at the event and as usual I saw the ‘regulars’…Shea Moisture, Cantu, Mielle, you name it. But what caught my attention was a large group of ladies surrounding one particular table labelled, Honey Baby Naturals.

Immediately I thought they must be brand new because it was the first time I had ever heard that name. But based on the swarm of ladies picking up products at the booth, I figured they couldn’t be that new to the game. Clearly everybody in line knew exactly who they were, and they wanted in on that sweet discount happening that day.

By the time I made it to the front of the line, the CEO, Aisha Crump, was just about to tell her story about how and why she created the line. To sum it up, she worked as a chemical engineer for 15 years, where she worked in the hair & skincare industry, developing products and formulas for several major brand. In 2015, she finally decided to launch her own honey-derived line of skin and hair products, that were safe and effective for the entire family to use.

The thing is, I’ve heard stories like this before. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing about everyones come up and her story was still very unique, especially with her being the first Latin woman to hit the shelves of major retailers. But somehow she didn’t win me over and so I walked away and headed to the Mielle booth to check out their deals for the day. To my dismay Mielle only had 10% OFF! I was hunting bang for your buck type of deals so I circled back to Honey Baby Naturals to feel out the consistency of the products.

So I’m back at the booth and I’m feeling out the products and they all felt too lightweight for my hair. I think the owner picked up that I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her products so she came over to try and sway me and I am so happy she did! She shared a photo of her 3 beautiful children with me, all of which had 3 completely different hair textures. Then she shared that all 3 kids only use her products despite them all having such different hair types. I was SOLD! Though she also had her skincare line on display, I was only interested in her hair care line at the time [man, do I regret that now!]. I purchased, her softening conditioner, a detangler, a hair smoothie and a gel.

[I took these two photos from @aishacrump‘s Instagram page just so you too can get an idea of her beautiful family and the different hair types using these products ]

I’m still not entirely sure how this line managed to fly under the radar for the past 2 years without me hearing about it, but it’s about time they got their shine! After one use of these products, it was all LOVE! Not only did I complete my wash day in record time but my hair felt unbelievably soft, hydrated and not weighed down with product! Plus I absolutely love the design of their packaging. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my childhood love for Winnie The Pooh but I love that the container literally looks like a honey pot!

The scent of the product is sweet but not overpowering and it’s consistent throughout all the products in the line. This is something I appreciate because I don’t have to worry about the scents clashing after using a few of their products in my hair. Don’ you just hate when that happens?

They also get bonus points for creating a line that everyone can use. I mean, who else loves it when everyone in their family can share the same product? Haha, okay I take that back. Who am I kidding? Most of us don’t like sharing since we would hate for our holy grail products to finish too fast. But I must admit, saving storage space in the bathroom becomes much easier when you and your significant other loves the same thing! Okay, enough rambling? Keep scrolling for a quick break down of each product…

Honey Sweet Softening Conditioner

One word…PHENOMENAL! Slip is a must have on any curly girls product checklist, and this conditioner checks that box. The honey sweet softening conditioner definitely lives up to its name because my hair immediately felt soft and my entire bathroom smelled sweet! I was on day 7/8 hair when I first used this conditioner, so I already had an idea that I was going to spend some time trying to detangle my mane. But the moment I put this conditioner on the first of four sections of my hair, it immediately felt softer. I did as the instructions suggested and waited a few minutes before attempting to detangle and I was left in awe!

It was as if the conditioner was breaking down the tangles in my hair. The knots were literally melting away as I ran my fingers, followed by a comb through each section. The slip was intense and within no time my hair was detangled and feeling smoother than ever. When I rinsed out the product my shed hair slipped out with ease and my hair felt super soft. So soft that I wasn’t sure whether or not I still wanted to bother with a Deep Conditioner [I did btw].

All in all, this product is perhaps my new favorite conditioner because this one single product somehow made my entire hair routine super easy and fast. I highly recommend this baby!

Knot My Honey Instant Detangler

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, it did! When I tell you this product does it for me, it truly does! I personally like to layer my hair products and I always start with a water based leave-in before applying my heavier creams or butters. When I purchased the products from Honey Baby Naturals she didn’t have a Leave-In Conditioner in her line, so I opted to use their Knot My Honey Instant Detangler as a substitute leave-in and my hair loved it.

My hair already felt soft after completing my wash, but my hair felt like silk after applying this detangler to it. The detangler melted into my hair and glided effortlessly over my curls. I definitely see this detangler remedying a few things. I plan to use this as a leave-in, as a curl fresher and definitely as a detangler when my hair needs extra TLC.

Worth every penny and I will definitely be buying again!

Honey Shea Butter Hair Smoothie

Typically we want our smoothies, puddings and butters to give our hair long-lasting definition and moisture without the strong hold of a gel, and this Honey Shea Butter Hair Smoothie does exactly that. The cake batter looking smoothie has the perfect consistency of not being too thick and not too thin. For reference no product fell out when I held the jar upside down but it still wiggled when I shook the jar.

My hair absorbed the product well and it felt soft and manageable after applying. Nonetheless the smoothie also had a soft hold so I knew I definitely had to follow up with the styling gel from the line for added hold to my coils.

For Manny’s 3B/3C hair, all he needed was this smoothie to get the job done. His hair was baby soft after applying and the product gave his hair enough hold to define his ringlets.

Hold It Honey Styling Gel

Another star of the show was the Hold It Honey Styling Gel. Now we all know that a styling gel can either break or make your wash and go. So I personally take this one seriously because we want hold and definition without any crunch, and this Honey Baby Naturals Gel nailed it!!!

Thank to this gel I got a full 7 day wear of my wash and go! This gel locked in my curl defintion without leaving behind a hard cast. I must admit, there was a slight crunch once my hair had fully dried but after shaking my hair and applying a ‘dab’ of oil, my coils were PERFECT!

All in all, I LOVE HONEY BABY NATURALS! A new holy grail product line for sure. It’s been a while since an entire product line blew me away, and this one definitely does it all. It softens, detangles, hydrates, moisturizes, defines, smells great and has ‘Ahh-Mazing’ ingredients. Woah, that was a mouth full!

Now you guys know just how much I believe in Deep Conditioner and Leave-In’s, but at the time I purchased these products, Honey Baby Naturals was yet to launch a leave-in conditioner and a hair masque. Sometime over the holidays both products hit the market and best believe I’m going to be placing a full order for everything once I’ve used up this current stash.

Though I’m sure I won’t be disappointed with the new additions to their line. When I do get around to trying out their leave-in and hair masque, rest assured I plan to either update this blog post with my thoughts or create an entirely new post for those two products only. Which do you prefer? Let me know in the comments below. Talk Soon. Nuff Love, Natasha ♥

♦ Conditioner ♦ Detangler ♦ Smoothie ♦ Gel ♦

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Honey Baby Naturals Now Have the Holy Grail Status Hey NaturalLeeders! Happy Last Day of the YEAR! & YES I'm leaving you with a REVIEW because I can't wait until the New Year hits to share these babies with you.

[pagedesignhub-blog]

Rihanna Pulls the Ultimate Purple Carpet beauty Redux

New Post has been published on https://pagedesignhub.com/rihanna-pulls-the-ultimate-purple-carpet-beauty-redux/

Rihanna Pulls the Ultimate Purple Carpet beauty Redux

Whilst you locate an updo that works, you ought to run with it. Simply ask Rihanna, who stepped out in NY the day before today along with her onyx lengths twisted into a sky-attaining topknot that casually mimicked the identical gravity-defying fashion she wore to the Met Gala on Monday night time. A daylight model of the appearance known as for a bun that changed into barely extra mussed, together with her brow-skimming bangs imparting the same piece-y insouciance that made her Purple carpet mane so cursively cool. Even lines of the pop megastar’s pigmented purple flush remained, now reimagined as a sheer dusting of rosy shadow that inched above lid-degree. With a final swipe of gold lipstick, Rihanna’s event-equipped Splendor appearance become primed for a city afternoon—proving that even the most fashionable black-tie moments can be recast with a few simple transfer-ups.

Reality Approximately Kick Butt Cellulite Redux Joey Atlas is a physical teacher who has lots of experience operating with women of every age who have suffered from that unpleasant simply bumpy circumstance referred to as cellulitis. He has a splendid heritage in Exercise Technological know-how and Exercises Physiology. Through his training and revel in he has come to recognize that the trouble known as cellulitis which you will probable come up in opposition to as you mature is sincerely a circumstance which you do not must put up with. The Kick Butt Cellulite Redux is a software that he has to give you that will help you cast off cellulitis and come up with the information which you want to apprehend the trouble so that you can keep it underneath manipulate.

Although it without a doubt isn’t always in your genes, evidently your genes might also make you more liable to the trouble. Cellulitis is without a doubt an trouble with the muscle fiber within the middle portion of your frame. You want some form of the method as a way to treat the atrophy of that muscle fiber that comes About with hormonal modifications as you mature.

This system Joey has developed is referred to as Synergistic Muscle Layer Stimulation. It consists of simple physical activities that will help you dispose of your cellulitis. you may learn to use a recurring scheduled for every other day as a way to take you Thru a series of actions that are designed to do away with your cellulitis by means of firming up those trouble areas which can be so unpleasant. In his Bare Beauty, 7451f44f4142a41b41fe20fbf0d491b7 and video Joey is able to reveal you the way the right physical games at the right intervals will assist you to remove that cellulitis. Then he has an 18-minute anti cellulite aerobic recurring that is designed to interrupt up the cellulite.

The rest of The program that’s the third video includes physical activities a good way to get you that sexy flat stomach you’ve been trying and could assist to tone your higher arms.

The remedy isn’t always going to eliminate your cellulite, it’s going to take some effort in your element but Joey Atlas is a skilled trainer with plenty of revel in those areas. He is the fellow who can give you the facts you should realize Approximately toning up those sagging muscle tissue.

Musings at the unpleasant Beauty of the world Trade Center Let’s face it, the world Trade Middle, without a doubt a complicated of 7 buildings with the centerpieces the towers which as soon as stood majestically in Lower NY, wasn’t exactly an architectural Beauty.

They were even called ugly.

The two primary towers, one rising to 1,368 ft, the alternative to at least one,362 ft, dominated the landscape and have been a supply of boundless pleasure and tributes to the supremacy of yank commerce for politicians and developers at the same time as most New Yorkers regarded them as staggering however basically unattractive oblong packing containers achieving into the skies.

My own family and i visited the sector Alternate Middle in 1988 in conjunction with an aged uncle from Eire. My uncle, frightened of heights, stood petrified towards the back wall of the Top of the world observatory and understatedly remarked that the view turned into “very first-rate.”

Soaring a complete hundred toes above the Empire Kingdom Building, the WTC did indeed offer a “very best” landscape, first-rate, breathtaking perspectives for miles in every route, in fact, even if the layout of the towers changed into less than fascinating. the ones vistas and the pride New Yorkers and all Americans felt for the sector Change Middle absolutely compensated for the towers’ stark severity, defined by one architect as “glass-and-metallic submitting cabinets.”

No matter all their architectural and aesthetic flaws, I nevertheless miss the abnormal, symmetrical beauty of these “filing cabinets” and, In spite of the passage of ten years, I freely admit that I still weep over the occasions of September eleventh, 2001.

None of us ought to have expected the devastation wreaked on us on that brilliantly-shiny morning.

What happened that day didn’t sincerely involve the destruction of human existence and of buildings. It did not merely represent a surprising, unprovoked assault on our hometown. It concerned lots more than the consequent out of the ordinary fees, disruptions, and upheavals.

Manifestly, the finest loss changed into the two,753 lives snuffed out but not to be forgotten both was the loss of americans’ illusory senses of invulnerability and indestructibility, the lack of our collective country wide innocence.

those attributes had been barely shaken by using the failed attempt to knock down the towers in 1993 normally due to the fact they failed. 8 years later they succeeded. What could never appear, took place.

The incomprehensibility of 11th of September turned into perhaps great illustrated in the response of a WTC survivor. Amid all the tales that flowed out of the horror of a decade ago, one was especially putting as emblematic of the quit of yank innocence.

As noted in “3 Retrospectives on the world Change Middle:” “An anonymous lady who had fled the burning but still standing towers had sought safe haven in a nearby retail store a distance faraway from the infernos.

“still in shock, seated on a grimy floor, she listened to the remote thunder and watched Via the store home windows as crazed humans endured to race beyond. She buried her face in her hands until a stranger stated to her, ‘They’re gone.’

[blue-scorpion-king]

The 1st Monster Slayer?? -Silly Self-Insert-

Me/The Bat, if I am an self-insert mage in the universe of Fairy Tail:

-Name:

Cody Michael Hand.

-Nickname:

The First Monster Slayer, the Fiery Calcium Slayer, and nothing else at the moment.

-Age:

22-23 years old.

-Birthday (if known):

September 12th, X761

-Gender:

(Bearded) Male.

-Species:

Monster Slayer Human

-Sexual Orientation:

Straight.

-Birthplace:

The small city of Sterling, Fiore, Earthland.

-Living place:

An apartment, with me as the only person in it, five buildings away from the right of Lucy Heartfilia's apartment, with rent to pay of course.

-Likes:

Music, movies, magic computer time (Which exists in, but not as large of an use in Earthland than in real life), good female asses, since I am an ass man for female asses around my age group, thought breasts are good too, and some more.

-Family:

My mother, my father, Christopher and Michael, 2 younger brothers, Mikaleigh, my younger sister, Bob, the family friend, Sloviaka, the lion-sized orange bat monster that was an part of the family since my dad's younger days, until his death by old age (RIP), Pepper and Pumpkin, the 2 family cats, Glory, the family dog, and an expanded family beyond.

-Weapons:

-An Dane ax from Erza, an falchion sword sidearm, an (Viking) round shield, and throwing stakes.

-This alternate persona of myself is in an "Fant-Earth", with an circumference of 1,600,000,000 kilometers, which is smaller than Bagklock Earth, which has an circumference of 6,400,000,000 kilometers, where many, many continents, alongside the 7 real world continents, has countries from fantasy stories, like Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, He-Man, & Warhammer (Not 40K), certain Shonen, Seinen, Shoujo, light novel, and visual novel stories, like Fairy Tail, Berserk, Toriko, One Piece, Naruto, GATE, Hunter X Hunter, Akatsuki No Yoma, Fate Stay Night, and Soul Eater, JRPG stories, like Valkyria Chronicles, Final Fantasy 1 to XV to Type-0, Dark Souls, Dragon’s Dogma, Demon’s Souls, Pokemon, Dragon Quest, & Fire Emblem, and several other graphic novels and anime/manga that happened in the past, happening right now in the present, and could happen in the future.

-- And I could be like the Reimu of Fairy Tail, who settles 'incidents' that the main cast don't settle, like actually defeat an actual God, not an God Slayer, for causing the problem in the first place.

-

Learned to awaken the Fiery Calcium Monster Slayer Magic Art, which is limited to an degree compared to Fire Dragon Slayer magic, from an sentient, lion-size orange bat, made out of black bone and orange fire, named Sloviaka, that has been an part of my family of 7, including me, since my dad's youth, has been an former Chieftian until he hit 8,000 years old, and has drawn inspiration from old accounts of ‘Stand Users’ from his youth and middle age, expect it goes to all kinds of monsters that I might fight in my future. Then, he died of old age, leaving me with the info that his bat kin, along with several other monster/henry species, mainly lives in caverns in the mountains & in other natural environments, kind of like being neighbors to the dwarves, elves, and men, and has been similar to them since his ancestors first observe them, along with the so called ‘living plants’, called Pents, before drawing his last breath and made me laugh with a joke, even when dying of old age and I was crying. It might have been heart-breaking, but at least Sloviaka lived a long life and died happy. Also, thanks to getting this magick made me near-sighted, which got me to wear glasses ever since.

-Also, ‘Bat Monsters’/Henries have a rocky relationship with Dragons, like the dwarves are to elves, and with Demons, which are like orcs to the Monsters, or Henries. Also, several special monsters/Henries have lived to even 5 million years, but never beyond that, and unlike dragons, there is a still a big population of monsters/Henries around, with many wins at wars against enemies who shoved them down, Dragons and Demons included.

=The Henries are also known to be extremely sturdy, despite their big cat-like sizes (Puma to Liger range), with most of the population having an hefty amount of facial and head hair, just like dwarves, could be made out of any non-overpowered element, have 16 tribes that are like the Knights, the Samurai, the Vikings, the Old West, the Spartans, the Warring States Era Chinese, the Zulu, the Roman Legionaries, Pirates, Ancient Egyptians, the Highlanders, the Huns, the Irish, the Hawaiians, the Aztecs, and the Sioux tribe of the Native Americans.

-Type of Abilities:

Fiery Calcium (Fire + Calcium fusion), in an black and orange color, can only be manipulated to an limited degree, even from within m,y own body, has to eat three whole meals to fully have an backup energy source, I should be careful around flammable objects, I can’t resist fire or thermal heat, lack of oxygen may prevent this ability to activate, not immune to the side effects, or byproducts, of fire, like smoke, weak against explosive negation, affected by my emotions, like anger or rage, which would make the fire stronger, but more dangerous around the area I am in, can be overpowered by ice, water, and/or cold, and I need oxygen, heat, and fuel for my fire generation, which would lead to fire manipulation.

-

Also, I have been trying to effectively use what martial art that Sloviaka taught me in combat, if needed, which is called ‘CQC’, with its meaning not told to me (Street fighting + Muay Thai).

--An Monster Slayer form ability, that I already had, but rarely got used in my youth, and trained with it in secret; Up until the Tenrou Island arc, up against Hades--

"Ainz Henry!!": An advanced Monster Slayer form, that is different from the Dragon Force, for someone like Cody, and shockingly, an permanent change in appearance, unlike Dragon Force.

Their eye sockets sunken a bit and colored black, the hair becomes wild, grows to become an mane, like an lion, and fire-like, while colored orange, makes the calcium part of the fiery calcium element vulcanized & elastic, makes the user gain more muscle mass, but still be lean, even to making the torso wide, and the teeth get really sharp, with 2 different tooth shapes; Lion teeth and bat teeth.

Also gets an coat of white colored thin paint-like calcium to make an skull design, expect for the blackened nose, coat the rest of the body with orange thin calcium 'paint', gain large, retractable into under the flesh, shoulder to hand fiery calcium armor, with black Henry tribal markings, along with retractable hip to feet fiery calcium armor, with lion hand paws/claws and bat feet & claws.

Lastly, there are three organic-bone methane using jet pods on each ankle, and three organic-bone methane using jet pods, with 2 on the shoulder bones and one below the in between of the 2.

(First unveiled partially at the Laxus fight, for a little bit, and in full at the Tenrou Island Arc’s Hades fight.)

-======-

Injuries I received from the Tartaros Arc to the (alternate) aftermath, with no 1 year timeskip:

Right side of my eye socket slashed slightly, top of my left ear cut open, a couple of broken back teeth had to be pulled out, an horizontal slash on my forehead, bludgeoned left elbow, partially gashed off left hand skin, jacked up left knee, gashed top of my right foot, slashed right side of my collar, projectile to my right shoulder, three slashes at my left shoulder, 3 cracked right ribs, large bruises on my torso sides, and abdomen, broken ulna of my right forearm, to where the bone poked out of my skin, an bleeding gash on my head, bruised toes, knuckles, and fingers, bruised left side of my neck, and bludgeoned right side of my back.

-======-

Moved out of my family's house and joined Fairy Tail at Magnolia as my first guild after taking my dream goals to become an writer and be an better Mage than I was in my youth and towards the future.

-

Became an Mage of Fairy Tail a bit before the time of the Thunder Tribe Sabotage arc and was not going to become S-Class just yet, unlike many of my friends. But, after the Tenrou Island arc, I have made it to S-Class, despite my honestly modest view on it.

-Started as an guild member a bit before the Thunder Tribe Sabotage arc all the way through the aftermath of the Tartaros VS Fairy Tail Guild War.-

<=Job experience from slaying monsters like Demons, various monsters, fighting the battles of Fairy Tail, even to Edolas, training myself and with others, and at very dangerous locations that not even Natsu nor Gajeel would step foot into, like going through an journey to get to several treasures from an long 'dead' land in Sweden, next to Norway, which (Bagklock) Earthland is ridge-connected to it, named Lordran (Dark Souls kingdom), while finding the lore through my findings and through texts, like tomes, scrolls, and books. That was my latest job that I took as an legal S-class mage.

-Guild mark location:

Left shoulder, orange in color.

-One of many outfits:

Glasses, small black skull bead necklace, with an golden skull pendant piece with an Native American chieftain headpiece, an orange hoodie jacket, with an t-shirt underneath, one of various sweatpants, and combat boots/Light armor for mobility and an tunic over my jacket. (Main outfit, with an light, casual version, and an full-on version) An dull black and orange Viking attire, with red details, with gambeson, chain-mail, non-horned historical looking helmet, and all, from head to top. But, it is also with Swedish medieval shoulder armor, bicep armor, forearm armor, gauntlets, thigh armor, foreleg armor, and greaves; Along with the oranged colored Fairy Tail symbol on the left shoulder and an owl head belt buckle design.

So, this is just an basic scramble of what I would be as an member of Fairy Tail. As an self-insert Monster Slayer mage on Earthland. owo

But hey. At least I state it out there instead of making an bad 'original character' and even as an self-insert Earthland-born Monster Slayer/Stand User, I would still be human and make mistakes and fail at times.

I hope you like this scramble of something silly. XD

~The Bat~whitew