#i finally did a whole thing by myself
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↳FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD
a Dragon Age rp blog for Sire "ROOK" Laidir loved by Niko he/they/it est 2024
#selfpromo.#fantasy rp#dragon age the veilguard rp#dragon age rp#da rp#datv rp#qunari rp#oc rp#i finally did a whole thing by myself#graphic design is my passion lol
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i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal
#like. recently i’ve been reflecting a lot on this trauma i have with this absolutely godawful english teacher i had in grade 7#he was an absolute creep and even though he never touched me i knew he touched other girls and made even creepier comments to them#than he did to me. and i never really had time to fully understand the gravity of the damage he did to me because i was#so focused on the fact that it could’ve been worse and he never even actually touched me or got that close to me save a few times#but yesterday as i was reflecting on this i finally got myself to admit. i was terrified of him and i was terrified for every fucking minute#that i spent in that class. and i was a child who never should’ve had to deal with that and it’s clear that i still have a lot of problems#from that whole event. and the more times i repeat that and get myself to understand it. the more i’m able to be compassionate to myself now#and patient with myself in the things i struggle with as a result of what happened#childhood trauma#trauma#cptsd healing#cptsd recovery#cptsdawareness#trauma survivor#trauma recovery
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Angel Dust Turns Human Pt8
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Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 Pt6 Pt7
IM SO SORRY FOR THE QUALITY OMG💔 this is so embarrassing; I was uploading the images through my laptop (cuz it's more efficient), and I thought it would look the same on my phone; I guess not☹️...I PROMISE it looks better when you press the images (IM SO SORRYYY😓!!!)
Anyways, it's confirmed now! Angel was deffo a cannibal: like father like son🫡. Idk if I'll explore any further on this topic - as I don't think it'd be something angel would prefer to delve any further about (which will be shown), however just know that he did eat humans unknowingly before knowingly🤫! The first time he eats a human is the exact moment Alastor decided he'd keep the boy to himself once and for all: a declaration🙂!
BEFORE ANYONE ASKS!! Ik vaggie asking Angel about the human thing seems abrupt, but she's a smart gal - also Alastor totally revealed the cannibalism through the joke he told so she was deriving from that and Al's whole behavior going on w Angel‼️ Sorry if the pacing seems rushed, I've just been😮💨😮💨
Don't judge me for how I drew the food on Angel's plate; I know it literally looks like a lump of shit, but pity me for Idk how to draw food😐...
Sorry this part was short, but I hope you liked it!!!♡
!Taglist: @diffidentphantom @cloversnstrawberries @birthrightversemain @dawn-sky-collective
#angel dust#hazbin hotel#alastor#fanart#hazbin art#no romance#/platonic#parental alastor#parental yandere#yandere parent#platonic yandere#yandere#yandere au#found family#father figure#parental figure#charlie morningstar#vaggie#possessive alastor#possesive love#possesive yandere#fatherlylove#I really am sorry ab the quality tho. I just get rlly worried about my laptop glitching so I try to be cautious w the size of my canvas☹️#I just dont want the thing to erase a whole page cuz Idk if I could survive that again tbh😓#But i FINALLY finished this part: I told myself Id finish today#Hint hint: Angel gets in an arguement w someone...I think! Idk I write as I go on haha!#Alastor rlly did enjoy Angel loving the same food as him - in a way it told him that they were practically made for eachother!#Father and son: both cannibals YAYAYA!!#After Alastor died - Angel didnt eat people anymore nor did he actively try even when he was butchering them up#Hed think about it! But. Well. It just seemed like a very personal familial thing he did w sir rather than alone: it made him sad now
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it's really weird to me the way people have been talking about maria lately.... like i know maria wasnt the most developed character in her earlier appearances and she also didnt get to have a normal childhood experience but seeing people say she has no personality and has no joy or whimsy or never got to be a kid at all makes me wonder if im the only person whos actually been paying attention to maria this whole time...???? like do people think she was a sad miserable kid who never got to have fun because of her disability or something ? because that is quite literally the opposite of who she was
and people are being weirdly ableist about it too like talking like her illness is the reason for all those traits she supposedly lacks. implying disabled people cant be happy or have fun or whatever. like come on man
#maria robotnik get behind me ill protect you#and regarding the disability thing i am disabled myself i was a disabled child once i am well aware of the difficulties that come with that#but you can acknowledge the struggles with being disabled and facing ableism and such#without portraying being disabled as constant misery. shoutout to shadow generations + its associated content for getting that right#anyway its especially weird that people Always say this stuff as a way of hyping up movie maria as a better portrayal#like. movie maria is missing so much of what makes game maria interesting ????? what do you mean shes better ....#and again. people are being weirdly ableist about comparing the two#''she finally gets to be a kid/have a personality now that shes not sick''#''movie maria's death is sadder because game maria was just going to die of her illness anyway'' do you not Hear yourselves.#the fact taht they didnt mention her illness at all and people are just Fine with that is bad enough#but did you really HAVE to say with your whole chest that a disabled child's life is worth less than that of a non-disabled one#even if thats not what you meant its what youre implying.#trying not to avoid talking about the movie but my god some of you make me so mad.
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What if Christos Lawton is the one responsible for putting I Say A Little Prayer For You on the official George Hodgson playlist. What then. On the one hand I would have to set myself on fire but on the other hand it would be FANTASTIC news for whoever authored my all time favorite post on the Cold Boys Kink Meme
#I just love the way it's worded. There's something so beautiful about it. Something freeing. Why shouldn't they indeed.#The odds of this are probably even worse than the standard ''1 out of however-many-songs-on-the-playlist chance'' for various reasons.#But I can't stop thinking about it.#Can't believe this prompt is unfilled btw. especially after witnessing the camp discord during the infamous Garrigan/Harris video call.#The RPF fandom very clearly yearns for. well. the RPF.#also yes that link does lead to the famous Epaulette Shimmying video. of course. god bless. my favorite video in the whole world <3#Starky's Original Posts#ok last time I made a post and deliberately did the responsible thing#and kept my ship tag out of the first five tags so it wouldn't pollute the actual ship tag seen by everyone else#but then to my horror it showed up there anyways#hopefully that doesn't happen again smfh#hodgving#the terror#''so did you finally fuckin--'' NO I'm not allowed to look/listen til Tuesday at the earliest. OCD said so and also at this point I need it#to bait myself into getting through the day. there's too much to do and my will to do literally anything at all#is at just about the lowest it's ever been#I haven't eaten anything besides a few crackers and pretzels for three days.#good good. it isn't even hungry anymore. it doesn't even want to live.#BUT. I WANT GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3 SO WE PERSIST
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I did not just scream when Hancho's part in Scarface came on and it's past 12am.
#yes it took me a whole week to finally get around this and yes i'm staying up all night#only slept for 3-4 hours but i feel so much more alive (this is also the first thing i did when i woke up)#but yeah hancho is so daddy i can't help myself#(makes it even funnier that he voices okarin (i7) lol)#my dumbass now has to rewatch the mv to listen to the song in full bc i decided to pause to write this post#(i was gonna listen to it on repeat anyway but yeah)#edit: i will say that i really love the bridge because goddamn#gonna take a break in between the mv and drama sample bc i don't think i'm ready#paradox live#gokuluck#inukai yuto#yuto inukai#shitpost#kia's posts#kia's shitposts#paralive battle of unity
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got dumped 😭💔
#fuuuuuuuuuuck#i have literally never felt this way abt anyone in my life and thought i was incapable of love before i started dating him#and i finally was so happy like yes this is how its supposed to feel#and i knew he was less sure and was busy with work but i thought it would all work out with a little time 💔#but he said our interests are different and he's too busy with work and wants to just be friends#tbh he's busy with more than work he was always going to be busy doing other things for fun too that i couldn't have kept up with#like climbing mountains and shit#but still thought it could work#at first i almost didnt date him because of it then i was like maybe its an unfair assumption that it wouldn't work#and that he wouldn't be able or willing to prioritize a relationship#so i took the risk and got myself hurt 🤡#now we have to be friends after this shit......#and i know thats something people say but i think we could actually do it#and if we did there's a chance we could get back together#but idk#there's no real way to avoid him or some pretense of friendship anyway since he's a permanent fixture of the friend group#unless i abandon the whole group over it which would be extreme#anyway crushed devastated etc#genuinely i am unlovable and will never trust anyone again <3
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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
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FINALLY
#coil#this is the final stretch unironically. all of the writing in this chapter has ultimately been about getting up to this point#this initial ending of my thoughts that i was going to do in chapter 2#also sayori's back yayyyy!#i have a catastrophic amount of editing of the parts leading up here to do because i did cut some corners here and there#and do want my quality to be consistent and to be able to make it all work#but i finally found my transitioning point#and just need to fix it all up#then i can finally just bring it home by writing additional dialogue#which will still take a while. but it finally looks like i'll be able to finish this project before the year ends#i'll probably take a small break after. or i'll throw myself head first into something else#i'll actually probably finish some other pieces of content i've wanted to make before i finish coil#but i finally got to the stopping point i've been trying to reach for weeks#things are moving along! yippeeeeee#i'll be doing a full read through again to really make sure all the quality is up to standard and that it all flows but you know how it is#i have a few other things i want to focus on finishing before the year ends on top of this so that'll be something else on the burners#but the rest of this should be a whole lot smoother from here#i want to let myself flourish for these bits so i feel proud and accomplished and good about finishing this finally#but this has involved a lot of bashing my head against a wall so inevitably that will take time as i cool myself back down#beta reading will happen soonish.
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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hey that's not supposed to be out there (uploaded wrong version at first haha whoops)
#not supposed to be that color either#i wonder who that belongs to#i had a very vague meaning for this in mind but saying it would spoil the fun#christ this took me forever#i wanted to do a quick project to give myself a break from my final#but accidentally made an entirely new kind of nightmare#BUT i can proudly say that i am very proud of this despite how long it took me#alrighty this blog is all about tracking progress so my thought on this;#it's not really as energetic as i had hoped to make it so i think that's the biggest technical issue i have with this#i'll try to get back to doing more gestures soon as a way to help with that#i think my shadows are a bit confusing too#i'm looking at it now and his glasses kinda taper off into the void of his fur bc i didnt mark the shadow along the left of his ear#but the thought of digging back through layers to fix it and blending that mess in is giving me a headache so i'm content with leaving it#i think i learned a lot about light and reflections though#my shadows aren't the greatest but i had so much fun rendering the glasses#and the glow of the soul pushed me to think about bounce light a lot more#figuring out how to make the colors look like they were glowing was a whole separate issue#i did it in the last big ralsei drawing i did but not nearly to this extent#i won't be doing something this large for a while after this but i'll keep trying to work on the things i didn't like about this#i think i'm gonna start putting my self-crit in the tags from now on#it really does bulk up the posts and it's hard to scroll past#i like reflecting on my work like this though#i've been able to draw a lot more since i've started doing it because it helps me create specific goals for myself#lets me keep pushing myself while still having fun with my art#ralsei#deltarune#deltarune fanart
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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Okay now I’ve looked into the whole “Season 6B” thing and it’s extended history… my god. Russel T Davies really took literal decades of Extended Universe media and the closest thing to word of god you’ll probably ever get in the Doctor Who universe behind the shed and shot it stone cold dead huh.
#between this and the whole ‘I haven’t seen Susan since I left her in the future’ (glances at the events of to the death) thing#I am honestly kind of. angry?? at how little respect rtd seems to have for the extended universe#like. I understand that you cannot acknowledge and keep track of every single thing in the dw universe#while also writing satisfying stories for tv#it’s just impossible it can’t be done#however#there are some things that I feel if they are emotionally significant enough to a character or has been held to be collectively true#*have#for a very long time#and have been used as the basic premise for the work of many different writers and creators#as a creator myself#it just feels like insanely disrespectful to ignore all that? Y’know? Like to act like you’re the final authority on everything?#within a universe and continuity that has been forged with the fingerprints of thousands of people#idk. just feels like a dick move.#it’s probably also just because I’m a snobby eight fan but#I’m fine with the tv series ignoring / never referencing the edas or comics or whatever#just slap those bad boys in a parallel universe#but like. the audios? that’s like everything eight has other than a tv movie and a 10 minute special?#and you’re just going to say that one of the most devastating and significant things that happened to him. just. like.#didn’t occur??? hello???#I mean granted Moffat also kind of did this with the doctor’s wife in relation to the zagreus!tardis. but honestly.#I give everything pre-lucie miller a continuity slide anyway. shit got weird it was the wilderness years#I don’t care if they never acknowledge it.#anyway#this was about the second doctor? this was about the second doctor#the war games colourisation#the second doctor#season 6B#the war games
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a modern human au where nothing bad ever happenned to them and they got to grow up together. I am making myself cry with this chat
#north is sad and beige and would have a stupid phone case#also i did a watermark thingy because im such a cool ans serious artist look at me#BTW !!!!! first thing im posting thats drawn on my new tablet :3#north has beige mom energy. idk how i feel about it. im just leettinf it happen#yall have no idea i am SHAKING im so normal about them#i need to get to work on. everything about this. bc i really wanna finally be able to coherebtly tell their story#im very insane about them and THE THEMES !!!!!!!#ARGHHHHH#anyways#murl draws#murls ocs#oc#my oc#oc art#art#my art#artists on tumblr#whatever other tags there are#just you wait. i will make this into something coherent#ughhhg i cant. i need to cope ok#and its smth i myself made up wtf !!!!!#imagine being separated from your sibling who is your whole world at a young age and spending the next several decades being told theyre a#a traitor and eventually hunting them down only to discover that while you werw kept in a bubble where everything stayed the same the rest#of thw world has changed so much including your sibling and you realize the only person you could rely on these past few decades has been l#lying to you and now youre completely unajusted to life and have to deal with the fact everything isnt what you thiugjt it was AND EVERYRHJ#G CHABGED IT CHANGED !!!! CHANGE IS INEVITABLE AND YOU HAVE TO FOR THE FIRST TIME VE FACED WITH LIVING FOR YOURSELF AND DISCIVERING WHO YOU#ARE AS A PERSON HHHHHHHHH I CANTTTT.#i dont event have all the names for characters yet GAHHHHH
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mostly-finished the dlc last night which really made me realize how many npc quests i fucked up or locked myself out of despite trying to be really careful to avoid that lmfao
#[spoilers in the tags]#the only one i DIDNT fuck up was ymir’s and even then i missed a chunk of dialogue and almost missed the spirit ash sisters thing#and i got igon’s quest done#but#i completely locked myself out of freyja’s#i missed a big chunk of stuff from thiollier’s#and thus the dragon priestess’s#i missed a chunk of stuff from ansbach’s which led to fucking over freyja#i think hornsent’s quest fucked ITSELF up because he despawned while invading#i definitely missed some things about leda#and i’m pretty sure i missed some stuff with moore too#i MIGHT have gotten all of dane’s stuff but if so it means all he did was fight me once then get summoned for a boss then fight me again#this is still the most frustrating part of elden ring as a whole to me#i missed ALL the foreshadowing for the final boss because i fucked up freyja’s quest because ansbach just disappeared#lmfao#don’t go to the shadow keep too early kids! it looks like the path you’re supposed to take but it’ll fuck everything up!#speaketh
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Stupid things that have made me jealous recently:
- someone mentioned that the only mental illness they have is mild anxiety
- someone talked about their supportive parents
- someone talked about their UNsupportive parents who aren't ideal but also aren't very extreme in any way
- my roommate made some comment about how they wish they would get heat stroke and end up disabled because it'd be a "permanent vacation" (I am disabled and it is NOT a permanent vacation. I get that work sucks but so does being alone, bored, powerless, and in pain 24/7)
- someone mentioned not being mentally ill as a teenager
- someone mentioned that they had never experienced sleep paralysis or insomnia before
- someone was talking about how they got really dehydrated and felt weak, dizzy, off balance, and like they would pass out and it hit me that most people do not in fact feel like that all the time the way I do
- I was on a call with my friend and her mom kept coming to her room to check on her and bring her things because she didn't feel good
#i feel really bad for being jealous about these things#for like comparing myself to these people and thinking 'oh i had it worse'#like all i have to go off of is the information i have which is only a small sliver of the whole picture#but still...#part of me asks if i DID have it worse#and i think maybe these feelings are me finally starting to accept that i dont deserve the things that happened to me#and that im still mad about it#idk it just hurts a lot all the time and i wish i knew what to do
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