#i felt awkward posting a fully naked child

[taniatas]

[thebawdybaldurian]

BG3FicFeb Day 18

SFW: Angst with a happy ending

Background: Tav, Astarion, and Halsin are in a poly amorous relationship. Tav and Astarion had planned to remain child-free, but when Tav accidentally becomes pregnant, she decides to carry the child so that her lover, Halsin, can have a child of his own.

NSFW: Illithids/Any Monster

I'm not really into monster fucking, so I'm just going to do a little what if drawing of Illithid Tav and Astarion that I'll post of my Twitter and Tumblr.

Tav was near the end of her pregnancy by the time a bout of severe anxiety hit. She was also constantly exhausted, her belly enormous, which she scowled at Halsin for. She fully expected their child to come out half-grown and nearly as big as he was. She stayed in bed most of the time, waddling around the cottage if she needed to use the toilet, which was frequent, or when both her husbands had gone out to get her things. They were both doting on her with all the care they could muster, trying to alleviate her anxiety, but it usually ended in her screaming at them to get out.

She feared she had made a mistake in keeping the child, that she would either hate it or never be able to let it go and become as controlling and emotionally abusive as her own parents had been. She worried the child would tear her body in two coming out or leave her unable to continue her life as a performer. She stressed about her husbands leaving her, raising a child all alone or if the child became very ill. She had made her husbands promise that her parents could never know about the child, because if they learned they had blood kin, they’d do everything they could to take it from her.

She slept fitfully in bed, Halsin and Astarion out dealing with the final preparations for the baby’s arrival. She’d been restless the entire day, trying to rearrange furniture and organize the kitchen despite her awkward size. The men had just been in the way, so she’d shooed them out with a few choice words. She finally awoke in terrible pain, her lower back aching and radiating around her to hips. She thought at first she’d just strained it pushing the couches around, but when she pulled back the covers, she saw both her chemise and the mattress underneath her was wet. “Great, I’ve pissed myself,” she sighed, rocking herself like an upside-down turtle to get out of bed with her enormous belly.

She groaned loudly as she got to her feet, the pain even worse. She immediately felt the urge to use the bathroom again and wondered if the baby was just squeezing her bladder for fun now. She waddled to the bathroom, pulling at the neck of her chemise so she could take it off and put on something dry. As she sat on the toilet with another loud groan, she could see her thighs tinged with blood-streaked mucus. “Oh…” She looked at it, feeling the anxious knot in her stomach squeeze tighter. “Shit, shit, shit, what does this mean?”

She waddled naked into the living room, in search of one of the midwives guides Halsin and Astarion had gotten her, but had only skimmed over because they were either boring or made her more anxious. Both her husbands had read them cover to cover, but neither of them were here now. She found one and began flipping through it before she became overwhelmed by a terrible cramp that doubled her over in pain. “Ahhh, what are you doing? Are you coming out?” She cried. She flipped through it again as the pain subsided and she found a section about preparing for labor. “Bloody mucus…yes…intense cramping…yes…” she continued down to checklist of signs of impending labor. “Shit! You asshole, your fathers aren’t even here to help!” She swore at her unborn child, looking down at her belly.

The bulk of her weight had shifted further down and she knew the baby would be coming anytime now. “Can I delay it in any way?” She looked through the book again before being overwhelmed by another cramp. “Gods! Please!” She yelled, barely able to stay on her feet. She was tempted to slip off the ring that allowed Astarion to walk in the sun, just for a moment, to alert them that something was wrong, but she worried about breaking the blood bond spell completely. It also meant that she couldn’t go for help, as it was still the middle of the day, and his sun affliction had been transferred to her. Halsin had at least coached her on their birth plan, utilizing her enormous bathtub for a water birth.

She waddled back to the bathroom and turned the faucet on the tub on, overcome by another cramp that brought her to her knees this time. By chance, or perhaps husband’s intuition, Halsin and Astarion returned at that moment, hearing her cries from the bathroom as they entered the cottage. “Clataedre!” Halsin tossed everything in his arms onto the kitchen table and ran to the bathroom. He found her leaned up against the tub sobbing. “My heart, what happened?” He helped her up.

“The baby…is…ahhhh coming…right now!” She moaned as the cramping subsided for a moment. “I thought I was going to have to do it alone.”

“I’m here, my queen, my beauty,” he wiped her tears away and kissed her cheeks.

He adjusted the water and helped her into the tub as Astarion came in. “Is it time?” Astarion looked at them.

“We believe so,” Halsin nodded as Tav groaned from another cramp.

“How far apart have the contractions been?” Astarion asked.

“I don’t know!” She yelled, as this one was the most painful yet. “I can barely think. I hate you both.”

“It sounds like she is very close,” Halsin tried to hide a grin.

He stayed at her side, prepared to assist in the delivery, as he’d done with several others both as First Druid and at the commune. Astarion knelt behind her to offer to moral support and a hand to squeeze. “Breath, Clataedre, it will be time to push soon,” Halsin checked her cervix.

“Fuck you!” She growled. “You both did this to me. I going to…argggggghhh…rip your cocks off!”

She squeezed so tightly on Astarion’s hand that he cried out. “Tav, you are hurting me!”

“You think this doesn’t hurt?!” She screamed. “Why are you smiling!?” She turned her attentions back to Halsin, who was grinning widely at her rage.

“I’ve witnessed she-bears give birth with less fury,” he blushed, gently stroking her stomach. He had to admit he was a little turned on by her ferocity.

“Well, if you don’t get this cub out of me, I’m going to feed you to one,” she scowled, having a brief respite from her contractions.

They came again soon enough and then it was time for her to push. She had let go of Astarion’s hand, for fear of breaking it, and gripped the edges of the tub as she growled. “That’s it, my love, I see the head. One or two big pushes and you will be done,” Halsin trembled with excitement, his first and only child nearly here.

She was exhausted and breathing heavy, her rage sapping all her strength. “It hurts so much, I can’t,” she cried as Astarion rubbed her shoulders.

“I know you can do it, my love,” he nuzzled against her neck, wrapping an arm around her chest. “We’ve gotten through worse, yes?”

“Yes,” she cried, preparing to bear down and push again.

She strained her throat as she pushed, groaning loudly as she felt the baby slip free of her hips, a sharp cry filling the bathroom. “It’s here!” Halsin said with more joy in his voice than could ever be contained. He cradled the baby in his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks. “It’s a boy, a beautiful, perfect boy.”

Tav opened her eyes, utterly exhausted and sunk back onto the tub. Halsin was beaming, his cheeks wet from tears, holding an enormous infant with a head of downy silver curls. “His…he has silver hair…just like,” she looked back at Astarion, who was crying as well.

“Silver hair is rare among the Silverboughs,” Halsin smiled. “So we will truly never know who the father is.”

Tav sunk back onto the tub, grasping Astarion’s arm, until she was once again overwhelmed by a terrible contraction. “Agggh, I thought it was over!” She cried, gripping Astarion’s arm tightly.

“It should just be the afterbirth,” Halsin looked her over, handing the boy to Astarion for a moment. He had no idea what to do with his son, having never held an infant before, so he just held him as tightly as Halsin had. Halsin saw movement around her still swollen belly and his heart skipped a beat. He’d listened and sang to her stomach almost nightly for the past few months and once or twice thought he’d heard a second heartbeat, but it had always synced back up to one. “My heart,” he looked in her eyes, his hands still on her stomach. “There is another coming.”

“Another!” Tav and Astarion said at the same time, their son crying out a little as they shouted.

“Another contraction? Another…ahhhhh,” she twisted in pain again, feeling the urge to push.

“I thought I heard a second heartbeat once or twice, but his must have been much louder than this one’s.”

“Twins?” Astarion’s eyes widened.

“They are a little less rare in the Silverboughs. I suppose I should have mentioned that,” Halsin blushed, moving to deliver their second and wholly unexpected child.

“Yes, you should…ahhhh,” Tav panted, barely able to keep her head up.

“This one should be much easier,” Halsin smiled, rubbing her belly. “This child appears much smaller.”

“Than the giant I just squeezed out?” She slumped a little. “I can’t…I’m so tired…”

“I know, my heart. Just a few more pushes…You have now given me the greatest gift in the world twice over…I will carry you everywhere…for the rest of your days.”

“You better,” she scowled, summoning the last of her energy to push.

Her cries were more subdued and she struggled a bit less, finally pushing free their second child, a petite and beautiful girl with the same downy silver curls as her brother. “A girl,” Halsin sobbed, as his daughter looked up at him quietly with the same amethyst eyes as her mother.

“Is she alright?” Tav slumped against the tub again, completely weak and exhausted. “She’s not crying.”

The baby cooed slightly, seemingly content to come into the world with much less bluster than her brother had been. “See for yourself,” he handed her their daughter so he could attend to her afterbirth and heal her. “I think she will be quiet and contemplative like her mother.”

“She has my eyes,” Tav smiled, as the tiny girl cooed softly again.

“He does as well,” Astarion beamed, still holding his son and looking down at his new daughter.

“This won’t be too much for you?” Tav asked sleepily as Halsin healed the tears to her pubic region. “Two infants at once…and all the other children at the commune.”

“I was given two arms for a reason,” his face hurt from smiling so much. He took the child back from Tav and motioned for Astarion to do the same, instructing him to always cradle the boy’s enormous head. “I will get the cubs put in their crib…we will need another at some point. Astarion can get you put into bed to rest,” He leaned in to nuzzle his head against hers and then planted a kiss on Astarion’s cheek. “I love you both more than anything.”

Halsin took the two drowsy infants to the bedroom and got them cleaned up and swaddled, before placing them in their cramped crib. He’d carved it by hand, but he would not have time to make another one. With her brother being much larger, his daughter would need her own as soon as possible. Astarion helped Tav up after kissing her deeply, showering her with affection. He guided her slowly to the bedroom, easing her down into one of the well-stuffed reading chairs they’d brought down from the loft when she’d gotten too big to climb up. He changed the soiled bedding quickly and brought her a clean chemise to wear that tied at the neck so she could nurse.

Their daughter finally began to fuss a little, so Halsin brought her over to nurse for a moment. “I think her brother was hiding her as a surprise,” Halsin smiled, helping Tav ensure she got a good latch. He stroked the infant’s head softly, her downy curls now dry and perfect just like Astarion’s.

“Quite a surprise,” Tav smiled, her eyelids fluttering from exhaustion.

Their daughter drifted off to sleep after a brief suckle, Halsin taking her back so Tav could rest. Astarion helped her into bed and tucked her in with another long kiss. Halsin had taken Tav’s chair, staring down at his daughter as she slept. He already knew she would consume his entire world. Astarion peeked at his son, dozing in his crib and then went to Halsin, planting a kiss on his forehead and stroking his daughter’s curls. “Thank you for doing this for me…both of you. I know neither of you ever expected to be parents…but you can have as much influence in their lives as you wish,” Halsin looked up at him.

“I can’t speak for Tav, since she was the one who actually had to carry them, but your smile made it all worth it,” Astarion grinned, leaning down to kiss him on the lips. “And they both have my amazing hair.”

Halsin laughed quietly, hoping not to disturb his sleeping daughter.

“I’ll head back out and look for another crib. We will need double the supplies now,” Astarion beamed, placing a gentle kiss on his daughter’s soft head.

He floated back down to the market like he was on air. How had his life changed so dramatically in only a few years? He was free of Cazador, in love with two people who adored and doted on him, and now he had two beautiful children he could watch grow up under the care of the most kind and gentle man that he’d ever met. He didn’t care how near impossible it was that they were actually of his seed, despite their hair. Whether or not the tadpole had changed it so he could bear children or that they just shared some of his traits by coincidence, he didn’t care. They were the fruit of a love he could never have imagined.

He found his way to one of the nicest furniture shops in the city, passerbys stopping to comment on his warm smile and glow, and he would announce that he’d just had twins. They’d offer congratulations and some of the other elves, who knew how rare such a birth was, offered gifts. By the time Astarion left the shop, a crib to be delivered to their cottage as soon as possible, he already had an armful of gifts for the infants. It was a good thing, as he’d left most of his coin purse for the crib, the fanciest and most beautiful one they had. Nothing would be good enough for his little princess.

He returned to find both Tav and Halsin sleeping in the bed, the girl still in Halsin’s arms and his son nestled against Tav as he’d nursed and fallen back asleep. He climbed in next to Tav, snuggling against her and taking his son in his arms, so he wouldn’t roll away. The five elves had an hour or two of uninterrupted rest, before everything began at once again. The crib was delivered with a loud knock, which woke everyone, two who needed to be changed right away and one that was so tired, she barely even opened her eyes.

Halsin attended to the crying infants’ diapers while Astarion brought the crib in. The bedroom was cramped now with the two cribs and the changing table and wash basin. They bumped into one another and carefully wound their way around all the furniture trying to attend to everything. This would be the chaos of the next month of their lives. Tav peeked an eye open, taking one glance at the extravagant crib Astarion had purchased, smiled, shook her head, and closed her eyes again.

[merryfortune]

drop me in the water, washing me down

August 13th: Hurt/Comfort | Bathing Together | Mafia/Detective AU

Title: drop me in the water, washing me down

Ship: Raindropshipping | Aqua/Miyu

Series: Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,497

Tags: Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Scars, Non-Sexual Nudity, Kissing

   Steam wafted upwards in delicate curls and the water below was warm. Miyu smiled a small smile as she sank her foot into the bathtub, hesitant at first but immediately charmed by the perfect temperature of her bath and so went the rest of her. Water welled up around her, a wave splashed over the edge of the bathtub as she got comfortable in the depths of it.

   “Aah, perfect.” Miyu said, smacking her lips together.

   She turned her head slightly, she felt weighed down by the towel twisted into her hair to protect it from getting wet and felt it wobble. She looked over towards Aqua who sat perfectly prim in her Duel Disc which was nestled in her discarded clothing.

   Despite being the Water Ignis, Aqua was still an electronic creature and so was hesitant around the real thing.

   “Are you sure you don’t want to join me?” Miyu asked. “The water’s great.” She kicked her foot and purposefully splashed the floor, not caring if the bathmat got too soggy.

   “I’m sure.” Aqua murmured.

   “Oh, okay then…” Miyu replied, visibly dejected.

   Things were… awkward between them. Or maybe just new. After all, here they were, kind of chatting in the bathroom and Aqua had no problem with Miyu being naked around her but other than that, it was awkward. And new.

   Aqua had only recently resurrected after all. Her reappearance had been a hard won by the efforts spearheaded by Playmaker but Aoi assisted also. She felt it was her sacred duty to allow Miyu and Aqua to meet again so she put in the most effort out of everyone in Playmaker’s faction to facilitate Aqua’s return.

   Aqua, getting no say in the matter, felt conflicted. She had died. Now she lived again and that was bittersweet, she was still getting used to it but was, from the bottom of her soul, overjoyed to have been brought face to face with Miyu liked she had dreamed for as long as the Incident. She loved and cherished Aoi, of course, and thanked her tremendously but at her Origin’s side was her rightful place.

   As fraught as it was due to the Sugisaki family politics in the background. Her parents had divorced, her Mother refused to believe a thing like artificial intelligence could exist and let alone be the reason Miyu had been kidnapped as a child. Thus, she was smuggled around like contraband between the two households and even within the sphere of the Zaizen affairs.

   Even so, Aqua wouldn’t have it any other way if it meant she could be close to Miyu but since life was so precious and so fragile, she was worried - waiting - for that bubble to pop. Miyu was too carefree, perhaps. This brought them to friction which pervaded what might have otherwise been a smooth transition if… if many things hadn’t happened.

   Like the arc of Ignis warfare, for example, but what was done was done and they should both be thankful for a fresh start as it was nothing less than a miracle for them to have one.

   Still, there was a distance between them. Ice which had yet to break. They both sensed it even if they wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.

   Miyu played with the meniscus of the bathwater, humming to herself. She glanced at Aqua again, vying for attention.

   “I… I kind of want my back scrubbed.” Miyu said. “Can you help with that?”

   “It would be my pleasure, Miyu.” Aqua replied.

   Miyu smiled again. Thank goodness. Things weren’t fully ice cold between them but even so, Miyu could feel how Aqua looked her over. She knew she didn’t have a typical body. Most girls - no, most people - didn’t have quite so many scars.

   Miyu didn’t mind. She got stared at. A lot. But it came with the territory. She was a competitive swimmer and people didn’t really expect for someone like that to have a body laced with criss-crossing electrical scarring. She got questions from time to time but she point blankly refused to answer them. How could she? Even so, she just let the weird stares and invasive questions roll off her like, well, water off a duck’s back.

   But Aqua’s gaze on her.

   It was different.

   Sadder.

   More understanding.

   Aqua drew in closer to Miyu, transforming from her tiny self akin to a fairy and into more of a monster. She situated herself on the edge of the tub and Miyu made more room for her, offered her back to her and tried to be helpful by getting a loofah but Aqua was quicker. She had six arms though, in this form, so she clearly had an unfair advantage in that department.

   “Tell me if I’m being too rough.” Aqua said.

   “Don’t worry. I hate it when people are too gentle anyway.” Miyu assured her.

   “I see.” Aqua replied.

   She proceeded to oblige Miyu’s request. She dabbed the loofah in the water first and then soaked it in soap. The smell of it - cherry blossoms and vanilla - was heady in the tiny bathroom, it rose above the steam and clouded their senses.

   Aqua then put all her strength into scrubbing Miyu’s back, every inch of her would be spick and span by the time that Aqua was done with her but that gave Aqua plenty of time to think. To ruminate. To acquaint herself with just how scarred Miyu truly was.

   She tried to focus on other things, like the task at hand. Or even how Miyu’s skin was soft where it was unmarred or how the vertebra of her spine jutted out. That she even had a couple moles or freckles here and there but it was her scars that Aqua could not help but fixate on.

   All of the Incident victims had these scars but still. Aqua was harrowed deeply by seeing them, especially upon her Miyu.

   The electrical scarring criss-crossed all over her, the shapes of the scars were thin and flowing, long since healed but what remained was an expansive pattern. Aqua rubbed hard over them with the loofah, it scrunched and fluttered held tightly in the spool of her paddle-cupped tentacles.

   “Aah, yeah, that’s the good stuff.” Miyu complimented Aqua’s technique.

   “I’m glad.” Aqua quietly replied.

   Her tone of voice chilled the bathroom. It was so small but the heaters in the ceiling were whirling, the water was the perfect temperature and yet. Aqua spoiled it. Miyu shivered as Aqua continued to bore into her with the loofah.

   Aqua’s tentacles had quite a bit of force behind them. Aqua was always so earnest in demeanour and it showed, especially when she winced as she went over the ridges of Miyu’s scars and slowed.

   “Y-You can stop now, if you like.” Miyu said, awkwardly.

   “If that’s alright with you.” Aqua bowed her head.

   She wrung out the loofah behind Miyu. Miyu tilted her head forward and felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise as she was misted with water turned cold and the soapy seconds of her body wash. Aqua, of course, did her best not to douse Miyu like this but accidents happened.

   As did thoughtless gestures.

   Aqua placed the loofah on the ceramic inlay on the far side of the bathtub. Her other tentacles, not in intended use, drifted and curled, even ghosted along Miyu’s shoulders. They touched her. Softly, gently, demurely, and left an impression of melancholy upon her skin, like a dew, or so Miyu felt.

   It was all she could feel emanate off Aqua through the whole of her pampering. Aqua did her best to conceal it but she was honest to a fault: she was worried about Miyu’s scars. 

   The moment lingered. Aqua’s tentacle continued to rest on her shoulder and Aqua did not move it even though Aqua had finished her tasks, thus confirming Miyu’s intuition.

   “You don’t have to feel sorry about it, you know…” Miyu whispered, assuringly. She reached over and placed her hand atop Aqua’s tentacle that rested upon her shoulder. “It’s not like you did this to me personally.”

   “Yes, but I- my existence, it was facilitated by your pain.” Aqua pointed out, breaking her own heart as she did so.

   Miyu hummed as she shook her head, she coaxed Aqua closer. Aqua obliged once more. She twisted and curled around, slunk past Miyu’s body and the rubbery sensation of Aqua’s skin against her tickled her. It took some graceful manoeuvring but in the end, Aqua placed herself atop Miyu’s body but Aqua’s synthetic one floated in the water. Miyu had to hold her so she wouldn’t bob up and down on the water.

   “I love me just the way I am and you should too.” Miyu told her.

   She nuzzled Aqua’s face, kissing her gently with her ever present, trademark smile.

   “Trust me, Miyu,” Aqua replied, her voice cracked, “I love you just the way you are, I always have and always will.”

[bumbleklee]

hi um, threesome with- zhongli and childe? 😳

my first nsfw request and post! reader is g/n and is technically in a romantic relationship with zhongli. alcohol is involved but everything is consensual :))

cw: sexual threesome, nsfw under the cut

zhongli, being a kind man, offered childe a room in your shared home during his stay in liyue

at first, it was a bit awkward having a third party around but both you and zhongli soon adjusted

when you cooked, you made extra. when you planned activities, you made sure it was something both childe and zhongli would enjoy. to the open eye, one would think all three of you were in a relationship

but inside the home, you were zhongli’s

childe sometimes heard you two at night and, well, he didn’t blame you

just because he was around didn’t mean you should have to pause your relationship

in fact, it took weeks for zhongli to touch you with childe sleeping in the bedroom next door

anytime you tried to make a move, he would freeze up and his gaze would glance over to the wall (a real mood killer)

but when you finally sunk your claws into him again, your sexual intimacy was sloppy

sometimes you forgot to shut the door fully and childe had walked in on you multiple times

other times childe would make comments the next morning about how loud you were the night before

the threesome happens on a rainy night when the three of you just so happened to be drinking

zhongli hardly ever got drunk but between his flushed cheeks and hands resting on your hips a little too tightly, you knew he was intoxicated

you were leaning against him, your back pressed into his chest, but you attention was on childe who was sitting in front of the fireplace and for the first time ever, you realized how attractive he really was

without realizing, you had crawled away from zhongli and were inches from childe’s face

you both stared at each other for a moment before you looked over your shoulder to give zhongli a pleading stare

to your surprise, he had a similar shimmer of lust in his eyes

“What do you want?” Childe finally asked, knowing the answer already but needing firm confirmation from you. 

You chewed on your bottom lip. Your body felt incredibly warm and you couldn’t tell if it was from the fireplace or your overflowing emotions. To be frank, you weren’t sure how to explain this feeling. Never once had you looked at someone the way you were looking at Childe while dating Zhongli, but something was pulling you towards him. 

Before you could answer, you felt soft hands rest on your shoulders and Zhongli’s words ghosted into your ear, “It’s okay.” 

With his approval, you practically threw yourself at Childe. You nearly knocked him onto the ground as your lips smashed in an erratic fashion. His tongue swept into your mouth and his hands traced your body, pulling at your clothing. You felt Zhongli snake his arms around you waist again, melting his touch to your thighs. His lips pressed against your neck, being careful to leave no marks. 

Your mind was hazy and it didn’t take long for your clothes to be flung away. Zhongli whispered sweet nothings into your ear, reminding you to communicate whenever you needed to and Childe fumbled with his own belt. 

He captures your lips in another swollen kiss before traveling down to your legs. Childe nips at your thighs, hoping Zhongli doesn’t kill him for any hickeys, and you let out a sigh when you feel his hot breath on your heat. 

You reach behind you for Zhongli’s hand and he gives it a reassuring squeeze. Childe’s tongue dances along you and your breath hitches. Soon, you’re a moaning mess and when Childe’s fingers snake their way into you, you come within minutes. 

“Childe...” You breathe out, “Up - couch.” 

He complies and sits on the edge of the couch, his member nearly standing straight up. You feel Zhongli starting to move so you tell him where to sit as well (directly behind you). You move between both men and with Zhongli’s help, you lower yourself onto him. Your legs shake at the feeling of being so full but you refrain from letting go completely to give Childe the attention he deserves. 

As you rock your hips against Zhongli, you mouth dips toward’s Childe’s cock. The room is soon filled with groans and heavy breathing, your own moans being consumed. 

Childe has a hand in your hair and you feel your head behind pushed down further on his cock. “I’m close,” He whimpers and you hollow your cheeks, your hands wrapping around whatever isn’t fitting in your mouth. With a grunt, Childe’s hips jerk upwards and he’s cumming in your mouth. As he comes down from his high, a hand pulls your head back swiftly. Thick streaks of cum run down from your mouth, your tongue hanging out from the abrupt movement. Childe swears he could cum again just from the face you’re making. 

Zhongli’s hand presses your forehead into his shoulder as his hips start moving into you at a rapid rate. You hardly have time to let out full moans as your eyes roll into the back of your head. Childe resumes placing kisses along your body, maybe he’ll even mark a ‘C’ somewhere just to really piss Zhongli off. 

“Oh, oh!” You moan, your hands looking for something, anything. 

“You’re mine,” Zhongli groans into your ear, “Never his.” 

“Always!” You cry out. You feel the familiar build-up of pleasure in the pit of your stomach and Childe reaches over to pull at your nipples. Zhongli feels your walls clench around him and for one last minute, his thrusts feel animalistic. 

You come undone like you never have before and as your head lulls to the side, Zhongli grabs your chin and forces you to look straight ahead. “Don’t break eye contact with Childe,” He says, burying his own face in the crook of your neck as he cums suddenly inside of you. 

Your orgasm rips through your body and like Zhongli said, you stare into Childe’s eyes. He looks absolutely amused and amazed and only realizes his own hand was tugging at himself when he’s cumming for the second time that night. 

The three of you are too exhausted to properly clean up so Childe wets some towels in the kitchen and brings them to the living room. Like your clothes, the dirty towels are thrown about. You and Zhongli are on the couch now next to Childe and as much as you think you should talk about what just happened, your eyes feel so heavy and Zhongli feels so warm against your naked body. All you need is a little nap and then you’ll talk about it. 

Probably. 

a/n: first smut writing literally ever so i hope it was okay!!! it was a little longer than i thought it was going to be lol. requests are still open <3

[mageofseven]

Now it's the younger brothers' turns ^^

The older brothers' post can be found here.

Also, just a little warning, Asmo's section starts out... well, in Asmo's specialty lol. The Avatar of Lust tries to act on said lust before the episode happens and the couple is forced to take a raincheck on it. Just a warning in case that makes anyone uncomfortable.

~

Asmodeus:

Oh boy, was this man terrified.

One minute, he was trying to have smexy time with his girlfriend, trailing down kisses from the top of her belly down towards her underwear, ready to slip it away when the episode started.

MC started screaming and hugging her belly. Since the woman was stripped of most of her clothes, Asmo had clear view of her belly, seeing each kick and jab stretch out and bruise her smooth skin.

The demon quickly jumped back from his human, eyes wide.

"D-Dolly??"

The only response he received was more cries of pain from his girlfriend.

The half naked man rushed out of the room, only to return a minute later with Satan in tow, obviously dragged against his will.

Satan's eye went wide at the scene and his face? Very red. I mean, he was just dragged in by his brother to find a mostly naked MC screaming in pain and with her belly riddled with bruises.

Doesn't understand what's going on, but the blonde makes a mental note to chew the fifth brother out later before rushing up to MC.

Starts trying out different spells on the woman, trying to figure out how to stop her pain, but only after he quickly covered her body with a blanket for the sake of his own comfort and MC's later on.

When the calming spell of all things solved the problem, Asmo pushed past the Wrath demon and wrapped his arms around the human, kissing her head over and over again, tearing up.

Any complaints that Satan shot at him in this moment were completely ignored. All that mattered to him in the moment was that his Dolly was okay.

After the couple had their moment, MC looked to Satan, blushing as she realized the state he had seen her in; that he was still seeing her in.

"I...I'm sorry about this." She said anxiously, wiping the tears from her cheek.

Satan waved away her words. It was an awkward and stressful situation, yes, but he most certainly didn't blame her.

The fourth brother asked the two of them to get dressed and meet him in his room so he could look into this matter more for them.

Discovering that MC's body was struggling with the dark energy absorption and that it was causing great distress within their son made the fifth brother beyond stressed. He tried to smile and pretend he was okay, but even MC could see the anxiety in that smile.

Becomes extremely clingy with his Dolly, more so than usual. Touching her in some way, whether with his arms wrapped around her waist, his hand holding hers, or cuddling up to her in bed, he needed her close; it was the only thing calming the anxiety choking his heart.

Satan was searching for a solution for the couple, but all the lust demon could think about was what if things got worse? What if...what if the pain got worse? What if his son hits some vital organs too hard amidst his panic episodes and ends up killing MC? Asmo was scared for his son too, but his more paralyzing fear was with his Dolly.

If he lost MC because of this...that would mean his own actions had caused the death of the only person he's truly loved in this way, the only person he's really ever opened up to and let himself be vulnerable with. If she dies...Asmo would be all alone again and the demon didn't think he could bear it.

Hearing that just talking to his son could help calm him and stop MC's pain? The man was overjoyed! Talking is definitely a specialty of his so the relief he felt at this news was immeasurable.

The next episode happened one night in his room while he was doing MC's nails. He was in the middle of painting her thumb when she suddenly flung herself into his chest and moaned in pain, tears filling her eyes.

Asmo dropped the nail polish, causing it to spill over the blanket on his bed, but the man paid it no mind.

He remembered the talk method, but didn't jumped into it right away since MC clung to him so tightly. Instead, he rubbed her back and and talked softly to her, trying to comfort his Dolly enough for her to let go.

After a minute or two, the human let go of her grip on his shirt, only to transfer it to his hand. Azzy didn't mind it all and let her squeeze it as much as she needed, but winced from the strength of it that he never realized she possessed.

Lowers his head down to her belly.

"Hey! It's okay. Go easy on your Mommy, Baby Boy."

Speaks softly and even starts gently rubbing MC's belly as he tells his son that he's causing his mommy a lot of pain, but they still love him and that everything will be okay. Tells his son that it's okay to be scared, but everything will be okay as long as he's patient and trusts his mommy. MC will absorb enough dark energy for him eventually so he shouldn't panic!

Slowly, the demon watched his son calm down, his kicks becoming less hard and less frequent till finally settling down.

Azzy kissed MC's belly a few times before rising from his knees and giving his Doll a kiss as well.

The episode ended in roughly eight minutes, but each one after that took less and less time and eventually, become almost non existent.

Asmo spends so much outside of episodes talking to his son and loving on MC's belly that the episodes almost never occur. It became a normal thing for Azzy to stop and talk to Liam as well as kiss and lay his hands on MC's belly. Their son was getting so much attention daily, feeling so loved and protected that his old panic that led to the episodes of him hurting his mother simply didn't happen like before.

Overall, one of the easier timelines for MC since she has a boyfriend who not only can express his love for their child so easily, but cannot help himself but to be a little excessive with it to the point where the problem all but disappears.

Beelzebub:

The couple was walking back from Madam Screams (MC was really craving chocolate and not only is Beely always down for some food, he's also really sweet and makes her cravings a priority) when it happened.

The woman just suddenly collapsed into her boyfriend, screaming in pain as he held her up, eyes wide.

Kept asking the human what was wrong, but she couldn't really answer. She managed to cry out about her stomach, about their babies, but nothing all that clear.

That was enough for the big guy though. He scooped her up and ran her back to House of Lamentation.

Literally broke down Lucifer's study door because he did not even stop to use the door nob. The oldest didn't even have time to get angry because MC was still crying and begging for her girls to be okay.

Lucifer had Beel sit the human on the couch before working his magic (yes, pun intended lol)

After he stopped the pain, the pride demon turned to his brother before asking various questions, trying to figure out what just happened. Beel was just as clueless as him though so the oldest merely sighed before scolding him for breaking down his door. I mean, Lucifer understood the urgency, but the door wasn't even locked 🤦‍♀️

Has Beel go take MC to lay down and send Satan her way to look into the issue before having him come back and fix the door.

So he did. He brought MC to her room and fixed the door while Satan checked her over, skimmed through book after book, and performed various diagnostic magick.

The sixth brother wanted to come back sooner and hold her hand through the process, but sadly the redhead didn't finish with the door till the tail end of the examination.

Luckily, he was right on time to hear the fourth brother's findings, hearing what happened to his Muffin and his girls.

To hear about the low absorption rate for the dark energy and his girls' fear... it broke the big guy's heart 😔

Satan said he'd need at least a few days to find a safe way to remedy the situation, but that'll be a bit of a challenge. Finding some spell or potion that's fully safe for humans and babies that can fix this problem? It was a taller order than some would think.

Though it wasn't safe in the long term, the couple was able to go to Satan or Lucifer for the calming spell to stop episodes in the meantime.

Getting the news from Satan that talking to his girls should help stop the episodes? The big guy was genuinely surprised. I mean, he's basically been talking to his girls since the very day his Muffin developed a baby bump; it never occured to him to talk to them during the episodes though.

"It's okay. Mama and Papa got you. Nothings gonna happen."

Tells his girls that they are safe in a soft, tender voice. Says that he knows it must scary, but things will get better because their Mama and Papa won't let anything happen to them.

The quickest of all the brothers. His girls were already so familiar with his loving voice that their panic died down rather quickly, ending the episode in about three minutes.

Another brother to talk to his kids outside of the episodes. I mean, he did it before he even knew it was necessary so why stop? In fact, just like with Asmo, talking to his girls became a constant daily thing. Like, MC couldn't even leave to use the bathroom without Beely kissing her belly and telling his girls that he'll 'see them when they come back'. Even little moments like that, the redhead just had to say something to his girls.

Because of the sweet excessiveness of it all, the episodes became incredibly rare, even more so than with Asmo.

Belphegor:

The two were taking a nap up in the attic room when the first episode happened.

Belphie woke up, not just from MC's cries, but from the human frantically slapping his chest, desperate for him to wake up

And boy, what a way to wake up. The sloth demon went from relaxed to panicked within a second.

I mean, he was able to keep his cool more so than Mammon or Levi, but the man was still confused and scared as hell for his girlfriend as she gripped his shirt and begged him to make the pain in her belly stop.

Trapped there by the woman's grip, the demon grabbed his phone from the stand and called Lucifer.

"I'm in the attic. Get up here now." He told the oldest impatiently.

Before Lucifer could ask questions or tell the youngest to watch his tone, he heard MC scream in pain in the background. Belphie quickly hung up and held his human close.

"It'll be okay, Butthead. Just hold out a little longer."

Lucifer was upstairs a minute later, rushing over the bed as MC let out a terrible scream. The two men could even see the painful kicks stretch out her skin even through her shirt.

The babies were extra receptive to the calming spell, even more than the babies in the other timelines, so the twins almost instantly settled within her.

MC buried her face in her boyfriend's chest, trying to calm her breathing as her tears slowed.

Lucifer started asking Belphie questions, but the younger brother didn't know much more than him. After all, he literally just woke up with the situation happening.

MC asked Lucifer if her babies were okay; they were now, but the oldest couldn't say anything else for sure.

This was when Satan was brought in and the couple learned about the slow energy absorption for their twins' souls. It broke MC's heart to hear that her twins were so scared and the woman honestly started to blame herself.

However, Belphie was beyond pissed. The babies were abusing his girlfriend because they aren't getting dark energy fast enough?

Still, the man has learned from his past mistakes. Instead of releasing his anger and flinging the blame on his kids in front MC, he left the room. He knew it would just hurt his Human more if she saw him like that.

The demon went to his own room, closed the door, and almost immediately kicked the wall, leaving a hole.

Belphie then sat down on his bed, head in his hands, and stayed silent for a minute.

Despite the thoughts swirling through his head...he knew they weren't true. This wasn't his kids' fault nor is he truly angry at them.

At this point in the pregnancy, he had already worked through his resentment of the twins because he saw that at the heart of it all, it was really just him projecting his self-hatred onto them and he knew it wasn't right. They never asked to be created; they are here inside their mom because of his own actions; his own choices

But since then, he's just had this empty space within him that he didn't know how to fill. Belphie didn't know how to feel about his kids and this situation almost made him fall back into bad thoughts about them.

Now that he's calmed down somewhat...they're all he could think about. At first, he was only worried about MC, but now that he let the whole thing sit within him, another part of it all stuck with him; his twins were scared.

Even though he didn't know how to feel about them, he chalked it up as another thing that was his fault. He... devil, no matter what, the Avatar of Sloth did not want them to feel that way.

After a couple more minutes, the man let out a big sigh and headed back to the attic to be with MC.

When the demon eventually heard from Satan about the talking method and how it could help the episodes, the seventh brother went quiet.

Belphie is simultaneously the brother who is the most uncomfortable with the method and the one who needs it the most; it really helped him grow and sort out his feelings about his kids.

When a new episode occurred and it was time to talk to his kids, the man was honestly at a loss of words at first.

"Enough. She doesn't deserve this!" He began, but then he looked up at his sobbing girlfriend's face before closing his eyes. He needs to do better; she needs him to. Belphie switched to a softer tone. "Your mom loves you more than anything...whatever it is that you guys need, you'll get it. She's not gonna let anything happen to you...I won't let anything happen to you, alright?"

Focuses on telling his kids just how important they are and how they're gonna be okay. Belphie and MC would never let anything happen to them and the man made sure they knew it.

The episode ended in about eight minutes, but they gradually finished quicker as time when on.

Originally, Belphie wasn't one to talk to his kids outside of the episodes, but sometime towards the end of the pregnancy, he sorta fell into the habit.

Only talked to his kids when MC was asleep though (or at least, when he thought she was asleep).

These talks were the main driving force for him to sort out his feelings for his kids. The demon really did love them, but the fact didn't truly hit him till they were born and he held them for the first time.

[angst-fairygodmother]

Hi, I have a Diego x reader request if you’re still taking them. Reader stays over at Diego’s after a date with him and wakes up in the Morning to find a drunk Five asleep on the couch. Reader is uninitiated into the Hargreeves stuff so is supremely confused as to who this drunk child is. Awkward family introductions ensue. Thanks in advance if you write this

A/N: I probably shouldn’t be taking requests with everything else going on right now, but it will be a cold day in hell the day stress and work/school take away writing from me again. Also, Five is my newest Favorite, so I am happy to include his shenaniganary. Although it ended up not so much being drunk Five as Roastmaster Five. Still, I hope you like it. Word Count: 1404 Content Warning: swearing, reference to alcohol, references to season 2

The morning sun’s rays peeking through the only mostly-closed curtain fell gently across your face, their warmth and light stirring you from the most beautiful dream. Stretching languidly, you cracked open your eyes to discover that perhaps it had been less a dream than you thought. Curled up on his side, facing away from you, was Diego Hargreeves, snoring softly and more at peace than you had ever seen him.

It was a sight you could certainly find yourself getting used to, and you hoped you’d have the opportunity. The two of you had only been dating for a month or so, and were still getting to know each other in many ways (including the way you had spent quite a bit of the night…getting to know each other for the first time, which had led you to this very moment). So you didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you could really feel yourself falling for the man just barely waking beside you.

Unfortunately, any romantic thoughts you might have had were interrupted by biological needs, and with a sigh, you rolled out of bed feet touching the cold hardwood floor as you searched for something to put on, not comfortable enough in his place to walk around completely naked. Fumbling, you shrugged on his too-large turtleneck and padded out into the rest of the apartment.

Almost immediately, your eyes fell on a peculiar sight, that definitely wasn’t there the night before.

Hey, um, Diego?” you called over your shoulder, staring openly at the child asleep on his couch. “Why is there a teenager on your couch…?” you peered a little closer, registering the nearly empty glass bottle in his arms. “And who replaced his teddy bear with Smirnoff?”

“Dammit Five,” you heard him growl as he stumbled out of the bedroom, still buttoning his jeans.

“Oh good, so you know him?” you asked, still wide-eyed and curious as you turned back to your boyfriend.

“Yeah,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s my brother, Five.”

“Five? Like the number?”

“Yes like the number,” the annoyed voice startled you and you jumped, not realizing the teen in question had woken up. “Now could you two keep your imbecilic chatter down, I am trying to sleep.”

“You wanna tell me why you’re doing it on my couch?” Diego countered, glaring over your shoulder at Five, who flipped him off and slammed a pillow down over his head to muffle the sound of conversation.

“Why is your brother named after a number?” you asked, trying to keep your voice a little lower.

“We all were,” Five chimed in, voice slightly muffled by the cushion. “The others just chose to replace their numbers when our mother and monkey butler-slash-surrogate-father-figure gave them ‘real’ names when we got older. I chose not to. Because I am not ashamed of who we were.”

“Sorry what?”

“Oh did you not know you were dating Number Two?” the kid sat up, casting you a very uncomfortably judgmental look.

“I would be careful getting involved with this idiot,” he continued. “His last two girlfriends, one ended up dead and the other turned out to be evil.”

“Hey! She wasn’t totally evil, only…sort of,” Diego said, moving to stand protectively in front of you and jabbing a finger toward his brother. “And if anything, that was your fault, not mine. Which is why I was planning to keep you and our entire bullshit family away from Y/N for as long as possible.”

“Diego, I don’t understand,” you said, frowning. “What’s going on?”

“That’s right, I forget that you didn’t grow up around here,” Diego commented softly. “Did you ever hear about The Umbrella Academy?”

“Sure. That was that weirdo superhero family or whatever, occasionally showed up in the news or tabloids after some stunt why?”

Diego looked glum and a little sheepish as he waited for you to put the pieces together like he knew you would.

…oh shit. You mean, you’re…?”

He nodded.

“I’ll be honest, I never really paid attention to all that stuff, it seemed sort of…fake? to me. So I still don’t totally get what’s going on, babe.”

Diego sighed, and then gave you the rundown of their family: how they had all been born at the exact same time down to the second, to different parents around the world, and then they were adopted as infants by eccentric billionaire Reginald Hargreeves. They all had superpowers and Hargreeves had raised them to be an efficient crime-fighting team, at the cost of normal childhoods.

“Five,” he continued, pointing to his brother who was now, seemingly at least, back asleep. “Had the power to teleport, and kept pushing our father to let him try time-travelling with it. When he got shut down for the last time, he tried anyway, and ended up stuck in the post-apocalypse for forty something years before he found his way back.”

“So you want me to believe that the strange drunk teenage boy is actually your 58-year-old twin brother? But you’re not 58, just he is. Because he time travelled?”

“W-we’re not twins. We were just born on the same day.”

“Right…like twins?”

“No, at the exact same time, to different parents. Us, and a lot of other kids.”

“That’s not all that strange. People are born at the same time all the time…”

“She’s not very quick on the uptake is she? Perfect for you then,” Five commented with a smug smirk, evidently giving up on sleep in favor of joining you both in the kitchen.

“Hey!” you shouted, glaring at the littler man. “I didn’t come here to be insulted, okay.”

“No, I’m sure my brother had plenty of other things on his mind than insulting you,” he said, angling his head pointedly, with a raised eyebrow at your very bare legs, which you had frankly forgotten about in all the kerfuffle.

You felt the heat of a blush creeping up around your ears.

“I’m not awake enough to deal with this. I need coffee,” you muttered.

Five perked up at the word, watching you intently as you carefully measured out the grounds and set the pot, which Diego owned despite claiming that his body was in such peak condition that he didn’t need caffeine, to brew. When you silently poured a cup for the younger Hargreeves without asking, and it actually tasted rather decent, he regarded you again with renewed interest.

“What do you see in him?”

“What do you mean?” you studied him over the rim of your mug, not even noticing that Diego had left the room.

“You’re quite pretty, and obviously aren’t in it for the ex-celebrity thing since you didn’t know. Seven billion people on the planet. So why him?”

You sat there for a while, sipping at your coffee, pondering the question. Why had you agreed to go out with Diego in the first place? It had only been a month, but it felt like a lifetime ago for all that you could remember the reasoning.

Finally you shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s just something about him I liked, I guess. He’s always looking out for other people, and he’s sweet, and funny.”

“And he’s got a real nice butt,” you muttered into your coffee, smirking when Five made a disgusted face.

“Ugh!” he cried, setting his coffee down as if another sip after your observation would make him hurl.

“Hey, you asked,” you laughed.

Diego wrapped his arms around you from behind, having come back from getting fully dressed, kissing your cheek as you both watched Five pace and wave his hands around as if trying to fan away the image in his mind.

“I think you broke him,” Diego commented.

You chuckled again, turning to drape your arms over his neck and kiss him properly.

“I couldn’t resist. But I like this kid, he’s…interesting.”

“And you held your own against him impressively.”

You smiled.

“So does that mean I get to meet the rest of your siblings soon?”

“You still want to after that?”

You nodded. “Of course I do, Diego. They’re your family.”

He smiled softly down at you, eyes shining at your unspoken confession, that you wanted to share every part of his life, even the weird bits. And even more, heart feeling strangely fluttery at the fact that he found himself wanting to let you.

“I’ll make a few calls.”

[crystalgirl259]

The Flame and the Dragon Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Brotherly Advice

Cole had to face it, making out with someone was not the worst thing the staff had caught him doing, but that didn't make him or Kai feel any better. Harumi had already left with little Nelson, trying to salvage the boy's remaining innocence while they still could. Shade groaned, crossing his arms with mock annoyance, completely unaffected by Cole's incensed glare. After he had heard Neuro screaming, he took a risk and abandoned his post in the kitchen.

He was shocked to find Neuro and their friends screaming along with Kai and Cole who were both in an awkward position on the bed.

It didn't take him long to figure out what had happened. Neuro just slouched in his seat and pressed his fingers to his lower temple. Across from them, Cole was growling like a caged beast. Jay, Echo, Tox, and Ronin all looked at the floor or off into space, unable to look anyone in the face without blushing. Kai buried his mortified face in his hands, refusing to even meet the perverse chef's smirk. After the incident, Kai had practically kicked everyone out of his room, grabbed the clothes they had bought him, and locked himself in the bathroom.

Though he could still feel the chill of his recent illness, Kai felt an instant relief being fully clothed.

If he simply been naked when everyone arrived he wouldn't have worried. He would have changed into the clothes just as calmly as he had since the day he arrived. However, being caught with his captor, the very Master of the Castle no less, in such a compromising position that shattered the youth's entire demeanor. Though he might be naïve in matters of seduction, he didn't deny that he had enjoyed his time with Cole before they had been interrupted.

Now Kai just wanted to curl up and hide until he forgot this was over.

Despite the thick sweater, warm overcoat, pants, gloves, and socks, Kai felt naked and exposed in front of everyone's awkward eyes. Unable to take anymore, he stood on wobbly legs and headed back to bed. He almost groaned when he saw everyone was still here. He might hide in the library until everyone forgot about this. He wouldn't delude himself into thinking there was any chance Shade wouldn't tell the whole castle about this if they didn't already know.

Shade interrupted, scooping up the abandoned teapot, poured the dark green liquid into a cup, and shoved it into Kai's hands.

"I fixed this for you and you better drink the whole pot while it's still hot 'cause I'm not bringing you another one." He warned and Kai opened his mouth to protest but after a hard look from Cole and Shade and looks of concern from the boys, he sipped the hot tea. Heat immediately filled his being but he grimaced and stiffened at the strange combination of bitter, mint, and sweetness crafting an unpleasant blend. He gasped after swallowing a large gulp and shuddered.

"What's in this?" He asked, pleadingly. The chef plopped onto the edge of Kai's bed, ignoring the teen's disgruntled scowl.

"Just something that should knock that chill right out of your system, and you better drink all of it, or you'll just break my heart." He shrugged as he refilled Kai's cup with a wink. Kai sank into the pillows and downed the cup quickly. His mouth and throat burned from the hot liquid and he felt heat suddenly flood into his system but the bland taste in his mouth made him feel sick.

"Ugh, this tastes awful."

"Most things that are good for you are awful, like staying in bed and getting plenty of sleep." Cole teased lightly. Kai glared and opened his mouth to protest but was instantly silenced when Cole tilted his chin and kissed his cheek. Kai forgot to breathe. For a moment, he forgot everyone else was there. Cole stepped away and fished the comforter off the floor and draped it over Kai's body that was now propped against the pillows. He then took a thicker fur blanket Harumi had left out from the previous night and added that as well until his flame was safely tucked beneath the warmth.

"I'll be checking on you every so often, so don't even think of getting up." He warned, kissing Kai's forehead and ushered his staff out the door. Neuro smirked and dragged Shade behind him back to the kitchen before he faded. Jay, Tox, Ronin, and Echo were not far behind him. Once gone, Cole handed Kai a second teacup. "Make sure you drink that as well, I don't want you dehydrating either; I'll ask Neuro to fix you something but I have no doubt the whole house will know you're awake by the time I get downstairs." He chuckled.

Monetarily breaking his trance, Kai shook his head and pulled on the neck of his thick sweater suddenly feeling very hot.

"Can I at least open the curtain? Get some light in here? It's too stuffy," He complained; the thick air felt hot and bothersome. Cole pondered for a moment before shaking his head.

"I'll put the fire out, but that's all; your immune system is still too weak, and the last thing I want is you catching pneumonia, too." He said as he got up and opened the fireplace across from Kai's bed. With a flap of his wings, the air blew out the flames. The resulting back wave sent a refreshing wind across Kai's front.

"Thank you." He said but glared at the teacup.

"Glaring at it won't make it go away you know," He chuckled and Kai growled in response.

"I really think this is all too much," He sighed as h looked away with a turn of his nose and set the tea on the nightstand.

"Maybe, but I don't like taking chance with someone I care about." He smiled warmly as he removed himself from the fireplace and swept to his flame's side and kissed his forehead. Before Kai could answer, the prince pulled away and left the room, a small smile on his face and he closed the door. Kai touched the cheek Cole had kissed and hissed at how cold his fingertips felt. A sudden lump in his throat made him cough violently until he grabbed the tea and downed as much of it as he could without coughing.

Maybe the tea wasn't such a bad idea.

Kai grimaced and set the empty cup next to the still steaming teapot. Kai pulled off the thick sweater, leaving himself in just his shirt, and gently tossed it to the end of the bed. Then he settled down beneath the thick covers and lied on his flat stomach. He rubbed his shoulders more out of confusion than cold. That had been the first time Cole had shown him any open displays of affection, let alone in front of his staff. Before, anything they had done together had been in the shelter of the library or Cole's room.

The most open they had gone was probably the dining room or outside, but even then it was only when Cole was positive they were alone.

Kai assumed that was for the sake of the servants. It must have been uncomfortable seeing their Lord partake in such open displays of affection, let alone with another person, no matter how much they encouraged it. A flush of heat darkened Kai's face when memories of that morning flashed before his mind. Embarrassment flooded his being at the memory of being caught. What they were about to do suddenly hit him with the blunt force of a sledgehammer.

He buried his face in his pillow dug one hand beneath the pillows, and another through his sweaty bangs.

Shade's bitter tea was working after all, and the crimson blush of the morning's events only made his body heat up unnaturally fast. He didn't know what he was going to do. The brunette released a muffled moan and collapsed as if sleep would erase all his confusion...

****************

True to his word, Kai had obeyed Cole's orders and reluctantly remained on bed rest until Neuro and Echo firmly agreed that he was fully recovered, but by the end of the week, the lack of movement and being trapped in his room had driven Kai to the last of his nerves. He would have left the room if he didn't fear the wrath of the gossiping staff. That and he was worried Cole would get upset if he disobeyed him again. Fortunately, despite Cole's insistence that Kai needed as much rest as possible, Kai had had lots of company since the entire castle had been more than ecstatic when Shade flooded the staff with news of his awakening.

That and the buzzing with gossip about what had occurred in his room after Cole had forbidden the chef from speaking a word.

Ultra Violet and Harumi had come to check up on him occasionally while Neuro and Shade would bring him food. Echo would check his health and on more than one occasion Nelson would be with him, making sure Kai ate or drank all of his medicine he had been given, though most of the time he would just talk to him. Kai had been extremely grateful for the conversations since on more than one occasion he swore he would go insane from lying in bed all day.

Thankfully the boy didn't seem to affect by seeing Cole and Kai making out.

When the brunette thought about it, with what that child and everyone also had been through, seeing two people kissing would be the least of their trauma. Nelson was not much older than Lloyd and Kai could cry at the thought of his little brother and sister going through anything like that. Then again, he could cry just thinking about them at all. He hoped that they were settling into their new normal, without him. Perhaps if things keeping going well for him and Cole, Kai might be able to convince the prince to let him visit them from time to time.

But with what happened the last time Cole thought he would leave, Kai didn't think it would be wise to ask.

That didn't mean he didn't miss them every minute of every day since he was imprisoned in this castle. He also missed the boys always barging into his room asking to play games. He didn't blame them for keeping their distances at first, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to look either one of them in the eyes without blushing. Fortunately, however, on an occasion when the staff was currently occupied, they had been charged with keeping Kai entertained as it was Jay's profession.

That didn't mean it was uncomfortable at first.

After a few awkward stares and embarrassing questions, they confirmed that he was fine. The four servants were happy to finally see with their own eyes that Kai was alright. They were so happy that they all sprang onto his bed and hugged him tightly. Kai thought he would burst, but he just laughed and didn't complain. For the rest of the afternoon, they had done nothing but play games. Since then the quartet made it their personal job to see that Kai was kept happy and entertained while he recovered.

During their time together, Kai admitted that he had been scared about doing the deed with Cole.

He did care about Cole, more than he had anyone other than his siblings, but he wasn't ready for that stage of a relationship. Maybe when he was a little older and dated Cole a little longer he would be ready. They would have to see how things played out between them. However, it didn't solve one problem that had been on Kai's mind for well over a week. Cole hadn't come to see him since the morning he had awakened...

****************

Cole sighed happily as he walked down a familiar hallway, a large bouquet of bright, crimson red roses and Griffin's newest lace creation tucked securely under his arm. His razor-sharp claws were extremely careful not to damage the delicate red petals. Once he concluded that the lace was simply for decorative persons and that the tailor was not attempting anything, he had gladly agreed to bring it to Kai. He had felt insanely giddy when Echo had come back from his daily check-up on Kai.

He confirmed that Kai was finally healthy enough to be up and about but that it was still best he remain indoors and continue to dress appropriately for the Winter to be safe.

Griffin, in his excitement, presented Cole with a new outfit he and the girls had been stitching in their spare time while the others kept Kai company. But at the same time, part of him felt extremely nervous. An emotion previously deemed unthinkable for the Dragon Lord. Yet for all his confidence and arrogance, Cole honestly felt like he had rather face an army than carry on down the hallway to his captive's bedroom. But still, he pressed on.

After all, it would be the first time he had seen him since the morning he and Kai almost slept together.

At least he believed that was the modern term for what it was. The memory made him growl in anger and shame at his own stupidity. How could he allow himself to lose control so easily? In this form with its superior strength, sharp claws, rough scales, and powerful muscle structure he could have easily damaged or severely hurt Kai with his brutality. Never mind the fact that Kai had just woken up from a coma and was recovering from freezing death.

Both of which Cole had caused thanks to his own paranoia.

Cole paused for a bit to cover his face, but his sharp claws gently poked his skin causing him to pull back. He glared at it with a mixture of hatred and disgust. He didn't have fingers, just curved claws that furled and unfurled according to his whim. His palms and hand was nothing more than a paw coated in rough scales and soft underpads. His scaled tail twitched almost arrogantly at his side. His disappointed wings hung limply about his back and he exhaled an exasperated sigh.

He had been very grateful Jay and the others had taken the liberty to keep him informed on Kai's reaction and feelings about what happened between them.

He knew he shouldn't have been surprised by them though. Kai was roughly the same age he was when he had first become interested in physical intimacy. Over the years, curiosity and loneliness had compelled the young king to seek relationships that branched beyond emotional commitments. It didn't surprise him Kai had the same urges. But Cole had to keep reminding himself that Kai was still young, compared to him. He was young enough to be his grandson, even if Cole's personality hadn't evolved much beyond his twenty-one years.

It didn't surprise him that giving himself to someone probably still scared Kai.

Again, he was grateful the others had taken upon themselves to keep Kai company and trusted him with the information they had received. Cole wasn't naïve. He knew even without his dragon form he was an intimidating figure. With it, it only made things more difficult. He knew even if his and Kai's relationship had been healthy and prosperous, and built on their mutual affection and trust in one another rather than the lust for physical contact, the desire was still there.

The emotional attachment only made the need much stronger, and that much more terrifying.

But it didn't change the fact that Kai was still human and he was a dragon and the physical difference created another problem. Cole wasn't about to deny that he wanted Kai, but he had known for a while it was much deeper than lust. He wanted Kai in a way he had never wanted anyone or anything else. Want couldn't even begin to describe what he had felt. Need didn't sound right either. He wanted Kai in mind, body, and soul, but at the same time, he had also wanted Kai to want him in the same way.

Just being near Kai was enough to heighten all of Cole's senses.

Kai's smiles and laughs and clever wit were enough to make him smile, even laugh for the first time in decades. Kai's fiery spirit and temper both challenged and delighted him at every turn, but Kai's kindness and gentle, fun-loving nature never ceased to amaze him, and though his hot-headedness and obstinacy annoyed him to the bitter end, there was simply nothing to dislike about his flame. The fact that Kai was by far the most beautiful person he had ever met.

He possessed gorgeous amber eyes that left him breathless with every gaze was only a bonus.

His flawlessly tanned skin looked like it had been carved by the very sun and glowed in the right light. Kai truly was a gem, and in the past, Cole's arrogant self would have said such a gem should only be his, but now he wondered if he even deserved the right to call Kai his. Not when he had taken so much from him. Not when there was so much he couldn't give him, even if Kai willingly gave him everything. Kai deserved so much more than what Cole could give him.

He deserved everything.

He deserved to live his life as free as a bird. He should be surrounded by everyone that cared about him. To be loved by someone who could love him more than anything else until the end of time. Not a prisoner to the man who tore him away from everything in hopes of using him to break the curse still looming over his head. Even if Kai did return Cole's feelings it wouldn't change anything. Cole swore that come spring the cruel mistress known as fate would return to reap his soul.

Kai deserved better than that.

"Are those for Kai?" A familiar voice suddenly asked and Cole was immediately taken out of his depressing thoughts by the innocent question, but the tone held ulterior motives. Cole stopped and followed the voice of his Steward. Zane leaned against a pillar with his arms crossed over his chest. Instead of his stoic expression, he sported a sharp, proud smile and confidence, almost arrogant eyes. Cole matched the steward's smirk with one of his own.

"As a matter of fact, yes they are, I thought he'd enjoy them, and Griffin was just begging me to let him try them on," Cole said with a confident flare and continued his quest. Zane didn't answer. Instead, he waited. When Cole walked past him he finally replied.

"He's pretty spoiled for a prisoner." He said, causing Cole to stop in his tracks, and whirled around.

"I beg your pardon," He spoke dangerously low. Zane's expression faded in an instant. His neutral mask returned.

"I'm only stating a fact."

"You dare jest about this?!" Cole accused, exasperated.

"I never jest." Zane cut him off and turned around to meet Cole's dangerous eyes with his own grave icy ones. "Think about it Cole, even though no one would dare even think of him as such, and he possesses an extraordinary amount of freedom, he is technically still your prisoner." He explained. Cole wanted to scream, protest, yell, and scold and dismiss his steward in a way that would ensure he never dared to disrespect him again.

Instead, he was silenced by his own anger.

Not at his steward, but at himself. There was no denying the truth in the man's words. He had just confirmed it not moments before. But hearing it from someone else, having that fact that the boy he dared call his own was, in reality, his captive, sent him into such a state of anger and remorse he couldn't speak. His body could only shake in fury. Zane said nothing to that but waited patiently for his Master to regain control of the emotion raging within him.

He watched Cole's trembling paw move to cover his face and run a hand grip his raven locks.

He watched Cole exhale and his posture become that of a man graciously accepting defeat.

"What would you have me do then, Zane? Though I am bitter to admit it, you're correct, Kai is still my prisoner, so how do you suppose I go about fixing it?" He asked.

"I thought that would be obvious; how else? Set him free." Zane chuckled. The words hit Cole like a hurricane knocking him off his feet. Each word dropped like a stone in a well. He had to set Kai free? Send him back to where he came from, away from his side, possibly forever? The thought clutched at his heart like a deathly cold hand squeezing the breath from his body, filling him with a viperous terror he couldn't see.

"How can you even suggest that? You were the one who suggested he might be my key and now you're telling me to send him away" Cole asked, his words were all breath. Zane raised an eyebrow, unaffected by the prince's outburst.

"You misunderstand, I said you should set him free not send him away."

"There's a difference?" Cole hissed.

"Let me finish; first, you should set him free, assure him that he is no longer a prisoner, then ask him to stay with you." He asked but Cole was dumbfounded. "Ask him to stay, not as a prisoner, or captive, or hostage or guest or even as the key; simply because you want him to stay with you, not out of any obligation, but out of his own free will," Zane answered his master's unasked question, his confident smirk more evident.

"You think I should ask him to remain with me, purely because I don't ever want to be parted from him?" Cole asked, bewildered.

"Don't you?"

"More than anything."

"I'm glad." Zane smiled as he removed himself from the pillar and leaned forward against the banister of the hallway. "Everyone in this castle cares for you Cole, we more than just respect you as our Master, we all want you to be happy and Kai makes you happy, and I have little doubt that he's the one for you; all you have to do is accept it and we'll accept you," Zane spoke with the purest of loyalty. Cole nodded, grateful for his Steward's words.

"And what of you, Zane?" He asked, his turn to flash the smirk of a cat with all the cream. Zane's eyes narrowed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He replied, but in his voice, it was a lie.

"Come now, Zane, I know you're not naïve, nor are you oblivious, I severely doubt you haven't noticed your own brother's intrigue?" He smirked but Zane said nothing, choosing to close his eyes. His face was a cross between a pout of annoyance and a scowl of defeat. "How long have you known?" Cole asked, crossing his arms.

"I've known before he did." He answered, knowing it didn't exactly answer the question. A chuckle escaped him. "Back when they were too young to know what it was they were feeling; ironic how romantic feelings are obvious to everyone but those experiencing them."

"Perhaps, but perhaps that's the nature of love, it doesn't see with the eyes," Cole smirked as he leaned against the banister, next to Zane.

"That's true." Zane agreed though he sounded reluctant. Cole gave him a sympathetic smile.

"You do know no one can love him more than Jay does, I think that is more than clear."

"He's the one for Echo," Zane admitted, grudgingly. "I've known that for a while, too."

"You know he's not the child he used to be, Echo, I mean, I remember when he used to be a timid little boy who would follow you everywhere but was always exceedingly shy around you; I always thought that was because you acted more of a father to him than a brother, but not everyone has chosen to remain stoic this last century as I have, some of us have used this time to mature, evolve, and become stronger," Cole explained.

"Yes, Echo doesn't need a father anymore, he needs a brother and not one to take care of him, he has Jay for that, and he's mature enough now to know exactly what that means and what it entitles and to be completely honest," Zane spoke like he was irritated but there was legitimate respect and pride in his voice. "I truly do believe Jay is the one for him, and that just annoys me even more!" He growled as he gripped the banister. Cole couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh come now, Zane, you knew Echo would grow up eventually? That's no reason to treat Jay like he's trying to take Echo away from you."

"He is!" Zane snapped, before regaining his composure. "In a matter of speaking." He sighed and Cole laughed again.

"It's no wonder they've found it impossible to tell you?" He asked with another light laugh and Zane snorted.

"I really do hate being right sometimes." He huffed as he regained his composure and lifted himself to meet the prince. "So, will you be taking my advice then?" He asked and Cole remained still. His face neutral and his eyes betraying no emotion.

"I'm not sure." He replied and it was Zane's turn to smile.

"Do you doubt he will say yes?" He asked, catching Cole off guard. He pondered them for a moment, then turned on his heels and continued towards Kai's room.

"I appreciate your assistance, Zane." He called over his shoulder.

"That is my profession." The Steward nodded as he watched Cole disappear down the hall. A moment later, Cole found himself strolling down a familiar hallway. Zane's words continued to run around in his head. He smiled when he found himself outside Kai and room and shifted his clothed burden to open the door. He already knew Kai's answer...

[atths--twice]

Measure of Love

A mysterious card spans the years, until it is opened, and the words inside are tattooed upon a heart.

I posted this last November and God... as I reread it tonight, I remembered why I love it so much. It is so sad and so beautiful. I hope you enjoy the bittersweet ache...

The plain white envelope sat on the desk, a name not written upon it. Scully’s eyes were drawn to it, wondering why it was there and who it was for. It was standard greeting card size, but it was not her birthday, nor was it Mulder’s either. Of course that did not matter, as he very rarely remembered when it was hers and hated to celebrate his own, and so it intrigued her.

She picked it up, and finding it sealed, she knew she could not open it without arousing suspicion, especially if it was not for her. Mulder would tease her mercilessly, feigning shock that she would open something meant for him. Setting it back down, she stepped away from his desk and left the room to meet him for lunch, though her mind continued to wonder.

__________

Lying naked in his bed, his arm wrapped around her waist and his head at her breast as he breathed deeply, she sighed and closed her eyes. These moments with him, as few as they have had, were the ones when she felt whole and complete. Since the first time, it had felt right, exactly as it should have been.

He shifted and sighed in his sleep, pulling her closer, murmuring her name. She smiled, feeling utterly and whole fully loved by him. Not simply as she had been by his kiss, his touch, and the joining of their bodies, but because she always had. Even from the beginning, when it was small and quiet, it was there. Coming together, in more ways than one, had been a natural progression. Slow as it may have been, it was their journey, and she would not have altered a step.

“Sleep, Scully,” he whispered and she smiled again. “Stop thinking so loudly.”

“Not thinking exactly, just…”

“Hmmm,” he answered, turning and pulling her in, limbs tangled and breaths intermingling. She fell silent, breathing in his scent, memorizing the rise and fall of his chest, the way it felt against her cheek. His leg brushed hers and he hummed. “You’re so goddamn soft, Scully. How is it possible for skin to feel like silk?”

She hummed and chuckled, suddenly exhausted, wanting nothing more than to sleep in his arms, to stay in the warm bed forever. “Sleep, Mulder,” she breathed and he laughed quietly. He ran his fingers up and down her back so softly, she could not know for certain if he was truly touching her.

His breathing slowed and his fingers ceased to move. Snuggling in closer, she matched her breaths to his, drowning in the sensory overload of Mulder all around her.

___________________________

The white envelope was on his dining room table, almost as though it was thrown down as an afterthought and with no concern. Standing there without him, the shower running in the bathroom, she was tempted to take it and then open it when she was home alone. She could find another envelope to replace it. Hell, she probably had one amid the drawers of Christmas cards she bought, fully intending to send, but never did.

As she reached to take it, he called her name and she was powerless to ignore it, her hands already reaching to lift her shirt, well his shirt really, over her head to join him in the shower. She dropped it on the floor, her panties following, as she went to surrender herself to his touch once more.

__________

Sobbing, her heart feeling as though it truly might break or had already broken, she could no longer differentiate between the feeling, she lay once more in his bed.

Alone.

It had been days of fruitless searching and hot dry winds. She had been thrown around, left with cuts and bruises, and breaking down in front of her new and unwanted “partner.”

She hated leaving and coming home without him, sure they were close but knowing she had to think of herself and the baby.

His apartment was smelling stale, the air thick and warm, but she did not want to open the windows. Logic no longer prevailed as she thought that the air she was currently gulping in, was the air Mulder had breathed. The last air they had breathed together.

Wrapping herself in the blankets, laying on his pillow, she placed her hand on her still flat stomach, crying softly.

“Mulder… oh Mulder…” she whispered, closing her eyes, feeling cold without his arms around her. “Please, Mulder… please.”

She cried herself to sleep and the next morning she opened the windows, eyes closed, tears on her face, imagining her cries and pleas being pulled from the apartment and reaching his ears.

Wherever he may be.

___________

She stood in his apartment, belly heavy with their child, and shook her head. Months had gone by. Mulder… gone and never coming back, and yet… she could not let go of his apartment. Not when this was his place, where they shared so much, and then… She rubbed her stomach, feeling the baby moving around, and she sighed.

The guys had been over earlier and helped her clean, not wanting it to remain a mess, regardless if Mulder would be back. Byers had continually stopped her from doing too much and even though she had protested, she appreciated his concern. Langly had been efficient and awkward while Frohike’s sad eyes had followed her everywhere.

Walking around the rooms, she could hear Mulder's laugh as she made a joke, see his anger when she would not listen to his theories, and then as she stood in the doorway of his bedroom, she saw them learning to love each other. Physical love expressed where it had previously only been through looks and brief touches.

“Not enough,” she whispered, tears falling down her face. “We didn’t have enough time. So much of it was wasted denying what we both wanted. God, Mulder…” Wiping her eyes, she shook her head and turned around.

She stepped over by the desk and fed the fish, and as she made to leave, an envelope caught her eye and she gasped. It had been months since she had thought of it, the small square object not high on her list of priorities.

Picking it up, she knew she could not open it, not now. What if it was not for her? What if it was for Mulder from some woman she did not know and…? But, what if it was for her and seeing what was inside broke her heart anew?

She set the envelope down, her heart and body heavy, the ache for him so intense she knew it would never abate. Looking around again, she sighed. It was now too clean, and it made her uneasy, needing to get away from the unfamiliar apartment.

As she closed the door, she looked at the room one more time, the dust floating and settling in the late afternoon light. She saw him there, his hands wide as he excitedly explained a theory, a smile on his face.

“Goodbye, Mulder. I’ll be back soon. I… I love you.” Closing the door, she locked it, touching her lips and then the 42. A hand on her belly, she slowly walked down the hall, the echo of his footsteps ringing in her ears.

_______________

“I don’t remember everything that happened to me,” he whispered as he held her, his apartment once again cluttered and smelling of him, his presence larger than life.

Life. Alive.

Her hand moved to his chest, needing to feel his heart beating, despite the fact that she was held within his arms. Her protruding stomach did not allow them to be as close as before, but she did not care.

Thump thump thump.

The steady beat brought tears to her eyes, sure she would never feel it again. Moving her hand up, she grasped the back of his neck, burrowing her nose under his jaw. His face was scratchy, him too tired to shave, and her not caring if he did. She welcomed the feel of it, further tactile proof that he was there, scratchy face and all.

“I know you want to know, Mulder. But I… I don’t care what happened, I just care that you’re here. You’re alive. Mulder… watching you being put into the ground… I… there are not words to express it.” She pulled him as close as she could and he did the same, breathing her name.

“I love you,” she whispered, not caring if he said it back, not needing to hear it, but needing it to be heard.

“Oh Scully, I love you so much,” he whispered and she cried as she felt him doing the same. “I’ve been such an asshole to you when I shouldn’t have been and I’m sorry. I just…” She sniffed and nodded, pulling back to look at him.

“Yes, you were,” she said, and he nodded. “But Jesus Christ, Mulder, look at what you had been through-”

“And you, Scully. Jesus…” He shook his head and she stopped him, holding his head still, her thumb grazing his rough cheek.

“You’re here, Mulder. We’re here. That’s all I need.” He stared at her and nodded. Moving her thumb to his lips, she ran it across them slowly, stopping in the middle. He kissed it, and then her lips, pulling her closer and whispering his love once again.

____________

William was asleep, the apartment quiet. Scully walked into the living room and found Mulder sitting at her desk, shutting the drawer with a sigh.

“Did you need something?” she asked and he shook his head, standing up and turning around. Smiling, he stepped close to her and looked into her eyes.

“No, my needs are met,” he said quietly, reaching for her hands.

“Mulder…” she began, so many things she wanted to say, but he shook his head.

“Not tonight.”

“It’s all we have,” she whispered, very aware of the suitcases sitting in the room, the ones he would take and the ones he would be leaving behind.

“I know,” he whispered with a nod, and those two words held meaning beyond that moment. He squeezed her hands and pulled her close, his arms around her. “I know, Scully.”

Closing her eyes, she relaxed into his embrace.

________

She knew that somewhere in her desk drawer she had stamps, but she could not find them under all the papers inside. The drawers were normally organized and clean, but with Mulder adding some of his own papers and her being tired with William, some things had taken a backseat.

Sighing, she looked once more in the top drawer, taking out the papers within and searching between them for the rogue stamps. Making a pile, she came upon an envelope; a square greeting card sized envelope that had been taped shut. Turning it over, she saw her name written on it in Mulder’s scrawl.

Her heart raced as she realized that this was the card. The card with the previously unnamed envelope that had piqued her curiosity so long ago. Staring at his familiar handwriting, tears filled her eyes. She missed him so much. Sliding her finger carefully under the tape, she lifted the flap and took out the card inside.

It was a card of dark inky blue, golden stars all over it, a giant round yellow moon in the middle, a rocket ship orbiting beside it along with a small yellow heart. Laughing as she cried, she read the words written upon it.

“Love you…” It said at the top. “To the moon…” Inside the moon. “And back…” At the bottom.

“Oh, Mulder.” She shook her head and wiped her eyes.

Opening the card, she saw his handwriting covering every inch of the once blank card. The left side was dated the day before he left and the right was over a year before it. Starting with the right hand side, her vision slightly blurry, she began to read.

Scully

I want to both give this to you privately and while I stand in front of you. I want to see your eyes roll as you read the front, knowing it seems silly and over the top, or over the moon as it were. But I am also aware that beneath the silly words and way I may behave and joke as you read this, there is an underlying truth to what this card says. I do love you, Scully. I have loved you in some capacity since the moment you listened to me and did not run for the hills, never to be seen again. You gave me credibility when others saw nothing but an alien obsessed man, his theories and approach out there among the stars. How could I be considered too crazy if you stuck by my side, my one constant in this world? If I ever do give this to you, I hope I have the nerve to do it standing face-to-face.

Mulder

Setting the card down, she sobbed into her hands, his love washing over her. It was so new then, she could understand his hesitation. But it was also not new, just as he described. He had loved her and she had loved him for so long, yet they denied themselves what they wanted most - to be together.

Wiping her eyes, she picked up the card and took a deep breath, knowing these words would be harder to read and might possibly leave her broken beyond repair.

Scully

I sit here at your desk, listening to you feeding William, your voice soothing his small cries, as I read my own words from what feels like an eternity ago. Much has changed, but not my love for you. Never that. As I packed my things, preparing to start our life together, I found this card that I bought on a whim and decided to write out my thoughts and feelings thinking I was being brave, and yet I never gave it to you. I brought it to the office, brought it home, both places I knew you would be, and yet, my nerve failed me. You were in my bed, in my heart, and yet I could not hand you a card with my words of love written within. What a coward I was, Scully. Such a coward to be afraid of telling you how I feel.

No longer will I be so afraid.

I love you, Scully. To the moon and back and back again. Forever and always.

Mulder

She held the open card to her chest, wishing the ink he used could be absorbed, his love written on her heart, his love pumping in her veins. Pulling it back, she read his words again, touching the words with her fingers, the proof of his love written for eternity.

A cry cut through the silence and she gave a shaky laugh as further proof of his love called for her attention. Wiping her eyes again, she put the card back in the envelope, touched her name written across it, and placed it at the top of the papers in the drawer. Mulder put it there before he left, and there it would stay until he came home and claimed what had been his since the first day she walked into his office.

Her heart.

[emma-what-son]

(Echee post) Emma Watson gets drunk and scales a fence naked

Posted on March 20, 2014

In her new interview for Elle Emma admitted something that correlates a tweet from a witness from in July 2011 on location filming Perks of being a Wallflower From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "Among her exploits: She dated a costar Johnny Simmons, and she broke into a swimming pool at 3 A.M. "It was at a hotel," she reports happily. "It had a gate around it. My friends turned around and basically, I was gone. And the next thing they saw was me seven feet up in the air, scaling this fence." This, apparently, is not as out of character as we might suppose. Watson says coyly: "I shouldn’t be able to get away with what I’m getting away with." Here is the tweet from July 2011 and here is a POST I originally posted it in at the time "@_MarieChristine $*MarieChristine; Saw @EmWatson get so drunk that she got naked n climbed the fence to go into the swimming pool at my friend's hotel......http://twitter.com/#!/_MarieChristine." So it was true. I'm not posting the quotes here (I'll link the posts with them below) but to generalize this is a girl that claims to be shy and doesn’t like to party and doesn’t drink to have a good time because it makes her really sleepy and she’s just so boring she says and blah, blah blah. She sucks people in with these statements are herself that makes people like her. It's not just about drinking and getting drunk but everything. Nothing about her is genuine in any shape or form. She is a fraud.

In a recent interview for Wonderland Magazine Emma admitted like she always has which has been one big lie that she's boring and doesn't like being the center of attention.

So in her Wonderland magazine Emma says she shy, socially awkward and a introverted person. For some reason I don't believe her. There are certain things about her that leads me to believe she is not shy or the least bit introverted. The first part of this question asked her straight out as she ever wanted to go off the rails and get drunk and she talked about getting a tattoo but never fully answered that question. The follow up question which is split below in two parts was, "But you’re not as puritanical as that, Emma" So let's look at some thing 1.) From wonderlandmagazine.com Feb 2014, "The truth is that I’m genuinely a shy, socially awkward, introverted person." Posing half naked

For years Emma has said she was shy. From topcelebrityheadlines.com June 2011, "I’m shy." From zimbio.com May 2011, "It's really hard to have a love story for me. I'm a famous actress. And I'm shy." From digitalspy.com October 2010, "Actually, I'm quite shy. I've never liked attention." From iheartwatson.net June 2011 “I still feel shy, but I feel more like I can accept it.” Her come hither looks which I limited for space reasons. There are many and I left out new ones from the Noah premiere. This is not a trait of shy and introverted people.

I doubt a truly shy and introverted people are going to say they'll strip to gain approval for anything. From mtv.com November 2010 (NYC Deathly Hallows) When we caught up with Watson just before she ducked into the theater, we informed her that 90 percent of our viewers had given her wardrobe choice — a specially made Calvin Klein gown — an enthusiastic thumbs-up in an MTV News online poll "Awww, really? Wow, that's such a high percentage!" she exclaimed. "Wow, I aced it, obviously. That's great." While 90 percent is definitely a high number, what might she do in order to get the full 100 percent of viewers' approval? "I don't know, take it off?" she quipped. Then there is her modeling which doesn't strike me as someone that is shy or introverted.

So shy and introverted she can tell a radio host some guy thinks she looks good naked From nudography.com 2008 'Harry Potter' film actress Emma Watson has said she would do a nude scene in a future film or stage role if the script called for it. Watson got on the topic of getting naked on BBC's Live Five radio "I think it's wonderful that Daniel is willing to be so brave for his craft. It's a big risk doing something like this while being so internationally known, but he's a true professional". When asked if she would ever bare all for her art, Watson replied, "Yes, absolutely. I would do it if the script called for it. I guess I would be a little nervous, but I've been told I look good naked, so I guess I've got little to worry about". When Shaffer asked Watson who thinks she looks good naked, she playfully said, "Now, now! I won't say. But I trust his expert opinion." Then there is her attention seeking along with her sultry poses and outfits she sometimes wears. Below is a series of photos from the Cannes for TBR. Everyone is walking up the steps arm and arm but Emma stops to grab the spotlight. Once she takes the arm of a cast mate she can't stop turning around smiling, giggling and waving. Once she gets to the top she hooting and hollering and then blows a series of kisses as her cast mates walk inside. This is not someone that is shy and introverted.

Claiming she wished she did more naughty things is yet another example of what a shy and introverted person would not say. From harrypotterfan.net Nov 2010, "I wished I’d done more naughty things. Three months ago I cut my hair and at that moment I felt I became a woman. I’m ready to start taking risks. I feel less girlish than ever." ... cough ... cough... From emma-watson.net September 2013 (GQ awards), “Given the perilousness in the journey from child star to adult, any award with ‘Woman’ in the title is frankly a relief!” <---- thought she, "I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Then there is the choices of some of her outfits. If you're shy and introverted you're not going to show some flesh and you're certainly not going to show some flesh on TV or at a strip club. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. You'd be more than happy to dress modestly. There are just a few and I limited them for space reason as well. I left out her recent plunging neckline outfit from the Noah premiere in Madrid and many others like her famed 2009 HBP premiere wardrobe malfunction outfit.

From Elle magazine April 2011 iheartwatson.net, "Does having short hair make you dress differently? ’I think it’s made me bolder in my fashion choices. It’s allowed me to dress more sexily.’” cough ... cough... From omg.yahoo.com W magazine May 2013, “I’ve never wanted to grow up too fast: I wanted to wear a sports bra until I was 22! The allure of being sexy never really held any excitement for me. I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Never heard of a shy and introverted person want o dress more sexually because of a haircut. Then there is her constant blowing of kisses which she does a lot of which all the classic pin ups like Marilyn Monroe ands other used to do. I guess it has nothing to do with shyness but introverted people are not going to go around blowing kisses at people or into the camera.

Then there are moments like this. Who does this? Shy and introverted? I think not. This is begging for attention and just plain weird.

Blowing kisses, posing, giving that sultry look and just enjoying all the attention is not the trait of a shy and introverted person.

Now the only thing I believe her on is the socially awkward part.

Now to the second part of that quote 2.) "At a big party, I’m like Bambie in the headlights. It’s too much stimulation for me, which is why I end up going to the bathroom! I need time outs! You’ve seen me at parties, Derek. I get anxious. I’m terrible at small talk and I have a ridiculously short attention span." I doubt this is true. She loves to be the center of attention on red carpets. She loves the attention. So why would parties be any different? At Coachella (bottom left photo) she was moshing at some points on stage.

This video shows her dancing on stage but there is another I lost of a video shooting down from the stage over Emma's head and you can see she's in plain view of the thousands in attendance. When I find it I'll post it. Shy and introverted people that can't take all the stimulation like she says would not put themselves out there amongst strangers and onlookers. If so, what kind of shy and introverted person is that? To see her drunk/leaving clubs and to read her contradicting quotes about drinking click these links below Emma doesn't like to party Emma never goes clubbing Emma can drink like sailor Emma lied about not drinking at Brown So basically like so much I covered on this blog by exposing her BS this is yet another example One more thing and it's a quote I've posted many times but she keeps on changing her tune In this new interview I started this post off with she also said From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "I was being offered roles that I didn’t feel were very complicated," she says. "Women that were a bit one-dimensional. Roles that required me to be one thing. Real women never are." So, rather than embrace mediocre work, she hid out in Providence, Rhode Island, emerging only for projects that would both stretch her muscles and challenge her public persona." But yet she said something different during her time at Brown From aceshowbiz.com November 2010 She tells U.S. magazine Parade, "I get some amazing offers to act, and sometimes it's hard to say, 'No, I'm going to stay here and do my homework.' People are like, 'What do you mean she's not available?' This college experience is really important to me, and I won't give it up." And yet it was not about roles at all two years ago. It was about her studying From nytimes.com September 2012, “Why hasn’t she done more films before now? “I think at first I didn’t because I was always either studying or filming, I didn’t have time to go off and do other films or other things to sort of show people that, Oh, she is not just Hermione, she is an actress and she can go and do these other parts and roles." So which is the truth and which is the lie?  So Sam in Perks and Nicki in TBR were complicated roles that she ended up leaving two Universities for? How about her small role in MWWM that took her a little over a week to film?

[thxngam]

hey @the1918, you sent a prompt for stucky, meeting on a train au, and i--stupidly-deleted the post accidently. so, here it is!

Steve hates the train. It makes his back hurt, the people only get weirder and weirder, and, because of NYC, the station only gets crowder and crowder. Penn Station will forever give him nightmares, and it's almost not worth braving it to get onto the train to see his Mama. She'd moved, out of the smoggy, polluted air of Brooklyn for the sake of her aging lungs, and Steve's thrilled that she's happy and healthy...but he hates the annual train station trip. 

Quite possibly the only bright side of this trip is The Man--very hot, Steve would like to add--that Steve keeps making eye contact with for every weirdo who boarded the train. Since Steve had gotten on, there had been a group of men dressed as Mario characters (if Steve wasn't currently enamored by Hot Guy, he'd totally bang Princess Peach), a yeti, a man dressed up like a tomato, 1 guy holding onto the train with a plunger even though seats weren't that full, an entire pitbull inside a woman's tote, and, currently, the grumpiest old lady dressed like an angel. The man cocked an eyebrow at Steve. 'Guardian Angel?' he mouthed. 

Steve shrugged helplessly. 'If that's my guardian angel, I'm fucked,' he mouthed back. The man looked confused. Steve hesitated, and when the man cocked his head like a lost puppy, he scooched over on his seat and patted the space next to him. He had been saving the space for the last three stops, and everyone on the train was giving him dirty looks, but this time if Steve got sick from sitting next to a hot stranger and ended up in the hospital, it would've been worth it. 'Sit here?' he mouthed. The hot stranger's face lit up and--fuck that was a good sight. 

He quickly made his way over to the seat adjacent to Steve's. "Bucky," the man introduced. Before Steve could even respond he knew that he was going to hear that voice inside his dreams for at least months. His mama had always said he had too big a heart, and let too many people in too fast, but with a look like that, and a voice that put the nameless kaleidoscope face of the man in his wet dreams to shame, Steve couldn't even be blamed. 

(Except by Sam. Sam was gonna call him a stupid white boy no matter what he did. Steve has made his peace with that.) 

"Steve," Steve said, cursing the way his voice wobbled. "Steve Rogers." 

Bucky's eyebrows shot up. "Rogers?" 

Steve tilted his head. "What's that to you?" 

"No-I mean-Steve Rogers? Like the artist?" 

Steve sighed. "Yep. That's me." 

Bucky's smile would put angels to shame. "My sister loves your work. And I don't know a thing about art, but looking at you makes me want to." He winked shamelessly. "I'd be into getting to know you." 

Steve blinked. "Are you--flirting with me?" 

Bucky looked unhindered. "Tryin' to, doll." 

And-

Steve quite liked being Bucky's doll. He felt his pale face flush. "Well. I gotta say this the first time I've been flirted on because of my art. Also-" he hesitated. "I draw landscapes and other naked people. Not me naked. Why are you flirting with me?" He hated to say it. “‘Cause I gotta tell you, I don’t look at all like the people I draw.”

“I dunno ‘bout that; you’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever saw on this train.” 

“There’s been an entire, fully grown man dressed in a Teletubbies suit on this train. The standards aren’t high, Buck.” 

“And you’re a drink of water in a desert,” Bucky promised. 

Steve’s mouth parted, and he licked his lips self-conciously. “That’s-oh.” 

Bucky’s hand landed on his knee and squeezed. "My sister, Becca--she loves you by the way and will actually murder me if I don't get your autograph, she's an art student--dragged me to some conference thing in Jersey-"

Steve's nose crinkled in time with Bucky's. 

"-and I was bored, I didn't get anything or the "deeper meaning" of a whole bunch of squares or whatever," he rolled his eyes. Steve ducked his head and smiled, pushing up the bulky rims of his glasses. Steve saw Bucky smirk at him from the corner of his eye. "But then I saw your work.”

"The Lovers," Steve recalled. He was still proud of it. It was two men leaning on each other at a bay window at an unidentifiable time of day as rain pounded the window. "I was lonely, I think when I made that." He smiled ruefully. "It's a little hard to maintain a relationship when you never leave your house for work." 

Bucky's arm came around his shoulders, his bulk dwarfing Steve's slight frame. Steve looked up. Bucky smiled slowly. "I get it," he said gently. Steve leaned hesitantly on Bucky. He froze, and Steve cursed, bracing himself for a hasty retreat and an awkward goodbye--was he pushing it?

Bucky's hand tightened on Steve's shoulder. "I'm an app developer, and I work from home more often than not. I'm at home all the time too." 

Steve's lips quirked up. "That's cool," he said honestly. "I was never interested in the science-y stuff personally, but it looks so cool from a distance." 

Bucky barked a laugh. "yeah, that's about it. Mostly it's a lot of squinting and cursing and coffee chugging. Or whiskey. But then I saw you, at the conference, and I’ve let my sister drag me to every art show within the state in hopes of seeing you. And then I see you here.”

“You saw my ass in suit pants and then traipsed around the state for it?” 

“No, I saw you speak about never seeing gay lovers or anything other than heteronormative art in museums, and that you were painting for every child who thought they were abnormal. I traipsed after that.” 

Steve--well Steve didn’t know what to say to that. He burned pink and fiddled with the rims of his glasses hopelessly, racking his brain for anything to say other than ‘oh’. “I--I don’t know what to say to that.” 

Bucky smiled at him fondly. Steve found himself smiling back. 

"I don't get off for another two hours,” Bucky said instead. “Rockville.” 

“Rockville?” That was Steve’s stop. “My mother lives there; I’m actually going to visit her.” 

If Steve had ovaries, they’d be exploding at Bucky’s smile. “That’s lovely,” he said, laughing. “I guess we’ll see each other there?” He sounded hesitant for the first time of their exchange. “How’s dinner sound?” 

Steve smiled, and, reaching out on a limb, pecked Bucky’s cheek. Bucky’s hand reached up to slowly cup his own cheek, right over where Steve had kissed him. “My mama would love to meet you, and she makes the best damn soda bread I’ve ever had.”

“Your Ma?” Bucky settled back in his seat. Steve couldn’t help but smile like a dork. "Is that an invitation to meet the parents, dollface?" 

Steve leaned wholeheartedly against his bulk. "Depends. Are you gonna say yes?” 

Bucky snorted and pressed a kiss to his hair in affection that mimicked an old married couple more than it did two people who just met. “You damn well know I am.”

[kmomof4]

For the fic-writer meme: all of them! 😁 and if you wanna pick five to ask Hollye, I’ll ask the other five lol 😂😘

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Our secret is out!!! Yes, @hollyethecurious you were right! We conspired to get you to answer all 10 of the questions!!! There is more than one way to de-fur a feline, dontcha know! 😁

Anywho... Hollye also asked for #6, and @snowbellewells asked for 5, 7, 8, and 10.

I’m sorry it took me so long to get to these. It’s been a busy week and I really had to think about some of these! But without further ado, here we go! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

1. What’s your personal favorite thing you wrote this year? 

My personal favorite fic I wrote this year is a tie between Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates, The Moon... Tells the Sea, and State of Emergency: Code White. The first two both written for last summers CSSNS. I don’t have to tell you, Kayla, how much I loved your artwork that inspired TMTtS, but that fic was just so EASY to write. Your artwork just told the whole story and all I had to do was write it down. I want to say that it only took me a couple of weeks to write, once I really sat down and started writing, in the midst of lockdown and the school year coming to a close. And then had to wait like 6wks or something to post it!!!! That was REALLY tough!!! ODVS is a favorite because I loved the premise so much and how hard it was to actually write it. I started working on it in earnest in November of last year, but didn’t finish it until April. I came dangerously close to giving up on it several times but @hollyethecurious and @profdanglaisstuff were the ones who made sure I didn’t. So just by sheer fact of what it took me to finish it makes it a favorite. And finally SoE: CW was a favorite because I wanted to write it for a year before I finally sat down to do it. And while it was hard in that it was entirely out of my own head, I was so happy with how it turned out.

2. What’s your least favorite thing you wrote this year?

Least favorite fic was probably Chosen, Protected, & Saved, written for the CS Movie Marathon.  I wasn’t finished with it when my posting date came around, and so I feel like the ending floundered a bit. I wasn’t overly thrilled with it.

3. Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

I will have to say Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates, linked above. Just about everything I had written up to that point was inspired and/or heavily influenced by some other type of media, either book, movie, or show canon. This was really the first fic that came entirely out of my own head. I don’t really count Arise, My Love because it was basically PWP, just with vampires. This was the first fully fleshed out and plot driven fic out of my own head. There we go, that’s better. It was also the darkest thing I had, and still have, ever written.

4. Which of your fics this year was most successful?

By kudos on ao3, The Moon... Tells the Sea, linked above, sitting at 75. I’m not gonna try and determine the most successful on Tumblr...

5. Which of your fics do you wish was more successful?

I wish that Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates, linked above, had been more successful. Of all the fics I’ve written, that one was the hardest and took the longest to write. So I wish that more people had read and enjoyed it. But I also know that supernatural and vampire fics aren’t on a lot of folks “must read” lists, so I try to keep a balance between that wish and that knowledge.

6. What’s your favorite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

Off the top of my head, I’d have to say this scene from Ch2 of Chosen, Protected, & Saved, linked above. This scene in the movie, The Golden Child, is what inspired the entire fic.  

Emma and Killian somehow made it through customs with the dagger after arriving back in the States. The only thing they could figure was that since the dagger itself was magical, it was magically shielded from anyone but magic wielders.  As they exited the arrivals gate, he startled when he spied the man from his dream, the Dark One, coming toward him followed by several Boston police officers. He sauntered towards them, making a show of the gold tipped cane he carried. He was dressed differently than in his dream with a long greatcoat, in what looked like crocodile skin. Killian felt a chill run down his spine. The coat matches his smile, he thought.

“That’s the man. Killian Jones. If he doesn’t return my property, I want him arrested.”

Killian’s heart raced. He drew Emma’s attention to their adversary as his mind furiously tried to figure out how to get out of the coming confrontation. An idea came to him suddenly and he elbowed Emma, whispering to her to let him do the talking.

“Welcome home, Mr. Jones. You have something for me?” he asked, holding out his hand with a smug smile on his face.

Killian stared into the face that he had only seen in a dream. He looked at Emma, naked fear on her face, at the cops behind the Dark One, and then back at the man or demon before him. He couldn’t help the smirk that broke over his face as he anticipated playing the Dark One like a fiddle.

“I’m sorry, Rumple,” he loudly lamented, reaching for the lapels of the man before him. The Dark One stared at him, utterly taken aback. It only took a moment however, before his face grew red with extreme irritation as Killian released him and turned toward the crowded terminal. “Everyone,” he shouted, drawing the attention of all the people hurrying to catch their flights, “I should be punished. I have stolen from my brother, Rumple.” The Dark One’s jaw clenched with annoyance as Killian continued with his theatrics. Emma looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “Officer,” he continued, pointing at the officers behind the Dark One, “It is your duty to take me in. Please,” he moved toward them holding his wrists out in front of himself, “I am ashamed of myself. I should be arrested.” He walked down the line of officers. “I should be flogged. I don’t deserve to walk among free men.”

Killian repeated his tirade until the Dark One grabbed his arm, motioning toward the officers in a placating manner. “Let me have a word with him, please.”

Killian felt himself being pulled away from the officers, so he turned his attention to Emma and raised his voice once again.

“Emma, I am a swine. You must know what kind of man I am, before we go any further in our dalliance. I am a wretch. I don’t deserve to live.” He winked at her and saw her fear and confusion morph into reluctant amusement. She shook her head as the corner of her mouth lifted in half a smile. He finally turned toward the furious Dark One before him.

“How long do you think you can keep up this miserable masquerade?” he hissed, his eyes blazing with his wrath.

“Well, until I get arrested.” He grinned cockily at him. “Or until you realize the rules of evidence in this country.” The Dark One raised his head slightly and Killian could just see a trace of unease in his eyes. He turned serious. “See, if I get arrested, they take me and put me in a jail cell. And then they take the knife, because it’s a stolen object, and they put that in a little room, and they put ‘Exhibit A,’ a little sticker that says ‘Exhibit A’ on it.” He mimed putting a sticker on something. “And the knife sits in a room and I sit in my room until the trial commences. And that can be anywhere from a month to a year. So if you get me arrested, there’s no telling when you will get your knife.” Killian broke into a wide grin at having the upper hand, thoroughly enjoying himself as he watched a vein pulse in the Dark One’s forehead. He could just imagine what the demon’s blood pressure was at this moment.

“You have no idea who I am, have you?” he sneered.

“Why, yes,” he exclaimed. “You’re my brother Rumple!” He let out an amused chuckle as the Dark One struggled to keep his rage under control. “Look, I know exactly who you are,” Killian’s eyes turned hard and his easy going smile disappeared, “Dark One.” The man before him nearly turned white in fury. Killian’s heart skipped a beat, but he plowed ahead, his own anger coming to the surface. “But, here’s the thing. I. Don’t. Care.” He punctuated each word with a poke to the demon’s chest. “I do care that you kidnapped Henry, though.”

“I could destroy you,” he snapped his fingers in the air, “just like that.”

Killian’s eyebrow raised in bored amusement. “Well, we’ll see about that.” He turned and looked back over at Emma and the officers still waiting off to the side. “Look, I am not going to be giving you this knife. And you do not want to get me arrested. And I will find Henry,” he sneered and snapped his fingers in the Dark One’s face, “just like that.” He patted the demon’s cheek. “See you soon.” He turned back toward the crowd, all smiles and held his arms out as if he wanted to embrace them all. “My brother has forgiven me! Emma, Brother Rumple has forgiven me!” He turned back to the seething Dark One and clapped him on the shoulder in an awkward embrace. “Dear Brother, thank you, thank you, thank you.” He then kissed him loudly on the cheek in a final taunt before releasing him and leading Emma into the crowd.

7. What’s your favorite piece of description or narration?

@searchingwardrobes betaed The Moon... Tells the Sea, linked above, and she told me that it was the most descriptive thing I’d ever written. That comment put me OVER THE MOON. And when I went back and read it the other day, I had to agree. I spent a lot of time describing the woods, Emma and Killian in their wolf forms, and just the general setting. It was so gratifying to hear that from a fellow author that I GREATLY admire and enjoy. I am also very proud of the Prologue of Chosen, Protected, & Saved, linked above, when I described Henry’s room before he is kidnapped.

8. Which fic this year was most fun to write?

I’d have to say that I had the most fun writing either The Moon... Tells the Sea, linked above, or the second chapter of Somewhere Out There. They were both relatively easy to write and I loved how they both turned out.

9. If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

I would change the circumstances around posting Chosen, Protected, and Saved and I’d probably work on the final battle more. I just wasn’t that happy with it.  

10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

I’m gonna try and make more time to write. Since writing Chosen, Protected, & Saved, linked above, I’ve hardly written anything. I love reading and flailing more than anything so writing is very easy to set aside when I’ve got a lot of reading on my agenda, but I’m also bad about putting it on a back burner when RL comes calling. I think just setting the boundary of “I’m gonna write for one hour today” would go a long way toward keeping my mood up and help me get the fics I’ve got notes on in my docs actually written and posted. So we’ll see how that goes.

Thank you all for the asks @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713, @hollyethecurious, and @snowbellewells! Love y'all!!! 😘

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Sweet Dreams Chapter Nine (Final)

Lucid dreaming: The process of being aware that one is dreaming. Some researchers believe that in lucid dreaming, the individual may be able to change the outcome of the dream or control their degree of participation in the imaginary (dream) environment.

Description: Lee Eunbyul has been plagued with hellish nightmares since she was a child. Not the sort of nightmares you may be familiar with. There are no monsters to evade, no serial killers to outrun, no auditoriums of classmates in front of whom to stand naked. Instead there is just…darkness. Endless darkness. With professional help, the dreams come less frequently. But after moving away from home to live with her sister, Eunbyul’s nightmare returns, only this time it’s different. This time…she’s not alone.

What would you do if you had the chance to change the outcome of not only your dreams, but your life?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn

Pairing: Namjoon x (f) OC

Word Count: 8.2k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Producer!Namjoon, Bookstore Clerk!Seokjin, Potter!Jimin, Producer!Yoongi, Dancer!Hoseok

Warnings: Frequent mentions of mental illness, infrequent swearing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: This is it, fellas! It’s been really fun and rewarding to write this story, but I’m excited to get started on my next long-term project! It’s going to be a member x member fanfic, so please let me know if you want me to post it here! I’m posting it on AO3, but I was questioning if you guys would be interested in it too so let me know! Please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all!

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Eunbyul

I lurched awake, heart racing, eyes watering like I may cry. It had been a while since a dream had made me feel that way. Frantic. Panicky. It had been a while since I’d had a dream I could remember in the first place. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair and placed my glasses on the bridge of my nose, glancing at the clock. 4:02.

“What the fuck…,” I whispered, rubbing my temples. Of course, it was always 4:02. Always these days.

I touched the tender skin beneath my eyes, pursing my lips. Unshed tears, but my face was hot. There was in my chest a deep, harrowing empty feeling that I couldn’t place. Not sadness really, something else.

Loss…?

I shook my head and stood to my feet. No getting back to sleep now, not with this unsettling feeling in my body. I sighed and padded barefoot out into the living room. I’d expected darkness, but instead I was greeted by light and the hum of music turned down low. I rubbed my eyes, disrupting my glasses, and furrowed my brow, squinting against the low light.

“Gaeul?” I asked as I approached where she sat at the table, legs crossed, dressed in pajamas, hair a mess of waves. Her eyes bored into the inky screen of her computer, and the bags beneath them were deep purple. “How long have you been up?”

“An hour,” she said without looking at me.

I stiffened. “But you went to bed at like midnight,” I said, eyeing her.

She nodded, typing furiously. “Mhm. Got a report I forgot to finish.”

“Oh…”

Gaeul sighed and pinched her nose bridge, turning to look at me. “You keep getting up early these days,” she said, cocking a brow and pulling one knee up to her chest.

I shrugged and sat in the chair beside her. “Happenstance,” I said absently, running my finger along the edge of the table. “Not like you. Your work ethic is something else.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing special. Just trying to get my shit done before my shift,” she said with a sigh. “Anyway, you’re the one you should be impressed with.”

I glanced at her, brows raised. “Hm? How so?”

“These days…well…,” she began, waving her hands for emphasis. She settled for a sigh, resting her palms on her laptop keyboard. “I dunno, like alive. Working hard.”

I blinked at her. “Alive?”

“Yeah,” she said with a shrug.

I smiled privately to myself as Gaeul began typing again. “I…I guess I’ve become a bit more confident,” I said with a nod.

“I’ll say.”

“When…when I finish my first piece of pottery, I wanna give it to you, okay?” I asked, and I felt shy like a child once again, timid.

She turned to me with a wide grin, face ruddy. “Really?” she asked, and the eagerness in her tone disarmed me a little.

I stiffened, scratching my arm. “Don’t expect too much,” I said. I glanced to the side toward the mural wall and found it nearly finished. I raised my brows and almost made a comment, but paused.

Because, after all, that was Gaeul.

Persistent and courageous, willing to try even if she failed.

I smiled and pressed my lips thin. “I’m looking forward to it, okay? You gotta do it for real now, okay?” she asked, eyeing me.

I laughed, waving a hand. “Sure, sure.”

She sighed, watching be, and nodded once. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this.”

I glanced her way, silhouetted against the rising sun and the pastel blue early morning sky outside the window. She smiled. “Yeah,” I said with a nod.

“You know…there’s a lot I want to apologize to you for,” she said, resting her forehead in her palm, rubbing. “Like…a whole lot.”

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for,” I said.

She shook her head, sighing. “There is. I…I should’ve kept a better eye on you back then in the woods. I let you out of my sight and then…you were gone.”

“Gaeul,” I began, taking her hand. I shook my head. “It wasn’t your fault,” I said, then chuckled. “And besides, I was anxious even before everything happened. There’s no reason for you to carry that guilt.”

She met my eyes, and in her gaze I saw vulnerability unguarded. She inhaled sharply. “Even if you say that, I…”

I shook my head and reached out, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. And even though the embrace was awkward by virtue of our sitting positions, neither of us broke it. I shut my eyes, leaning against her shoulder, and she wrapped one free arm around my waist, nodding against my arm.

“You wouldn’t have talked about all this before,” she remarked.

I nodded. “I know.”

“I’m proud of you,” she said.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and nodded. “I know.”

“Hey Jimin?” I asked, timid, standing behind him as he dipped his porcelain cups in glaze.

He eyed me sidelong and cocked a brow. “What?”

I laced my fingers, chewing on my lip, and hummed a little. “I was just wondering…,” I started, then let the sentence trail into silence.

He sighed and stopped dipping, turning to me fully with two dripping cups in his hands. Impatient, he raised how brows. “You’re gonna have to speak up. I can’t hear you.”

I stiffened, swallowing hard and looked away, avoiding his eyes. “Well…”

He wiggled a little, whining. “Spit it out. I really need to finish this.”

“Could I maybe…practice at the wheel today?” I asked, voice a whisper. “Just with the cheap clay!” I said, waving my hands.

He stared at me slack jawed for a long moment, eyes dull. “That was it?”

“Yeah…”

He sighed. “Of course you can do that, Eunbyul,” he said, rolling his eyes as he returned to his work. “Go set it up yourself.”

I grinned, turning on my heel and running toward the doorway to the shop. I turned over my shoulder to thank him, but paused when I saw him smiling fondly at the unglazed cups, shaking his head a little. Even though he put on such an annoyed facade, he was happy.

He was proud too, huh?

I smiled, nodded once, and walked out into the shop, settling down at the wheel to begin practicing. For once, the thought didn’t send anxiety rattling through me. I sighed, comfortable, and began planning what I’d try to make.

The bookstore was quieter than usual. Fewer patrons milling about. And somehow the greenery looked more alive, vibrant. It hung in the planter baskets and clung to the gaps in the brick walls. I sipped on my coffee, flipping through a fun fantasy novel, and felt a small smile settle on my lips.

Despite my reservations, my practice had gone pretty well at Jimin’s. The final piece — a soup bowl — was still a little lumpy in areas, unrefined, but Jimin had insisted it was fine. He said I could sand it tomorrow so it was smooth and I could paint my own decorations. I wasn’t sure how good I’d be at something like that, but nonetheless for the first time in a long time…

I wanted to try.

“Lost in thought?” asked Seokjin from across the table, helping himself to the empty seat there.

I glanced up at him and smiled. “Just wondering when we’re gonna go out drinking again,” I teased with a smirk.

He stiffened. “Never,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re a demon when you drink.”

I laughed and nodded, shutting the book and sliding it to the side. I met his warm eyes once more. “Do you ever do any work?” I asked.

He clutched his chest and feigned offense, staring at me with wide eyes and parted lips. “Excuse me, ma’am, but I’m doing work right now!” he said, then smiled. “This is called customer service.”

I laughed. “I see.”

“You seem to be in a good mood today,” he remarked, leaning back in his seat.

I smiled a little, shrugging. “I guess so.”

“Good day at the pottery shop?” he asked.

My eyes went wide. “How’d you guess?”

He hummed, examining his palm, and shrugged. “Genius.”

“Hm…”

“Ah, that reminds me! How’s your boss?” he asked.

I furrowed my brow. “Jimin’s the same as always,” I said, then crossed my arms. “Why are you so interested in him anyway?”

He chuckled, raising one brow, and met my eyes. “I mean…I’m interested because…jeez, do I have to spell this out?” he asked, and judging by the way his expression brightened into a smile he definitely did need to spell it out. He rolled his eyes. “I’m interested in him because I’m interested in him, Eunbyul,” he said, meeting my eyes expectantly.

I blinked a few times, mouth agape, before gasping. “Wait, you like him?” I asked, stunned.

He laughed boisterously. “Well let’s not go that far! I said I’m interested, alright? Just that,” he said, waving his hand. “Casually.”

“Wait…so that dating app you have on your phone…?” I asked, piecing it all together.

He laughed again, this time clutching his stomach with the force of it. “So you did peek!” he exclaimed through laughter, causing the few other patrons milling about to glance at him, concerned. He wiped beneath his eyes and fished his cell phone from his pocket. “I can’t believe you looked,” he said, sliding the phone to me.

I glanced down at the app once more, and this time it all made perfect sense.

BoysDate.

I nodded. “Ah…,” I said, glancing at him.

He was still in stitches, nearly crying from laughter, pounding his fist on the table much to the dismay of the other patrons nearby who kept looking at me as if I was responsible for him. I guess I was, in a certain respect. I quietly slid the phone back to him and he didn’t even stop laughing as he took it back and placed it neatly in his pocket.

“Jesus Christ, I haven’t had a laugh this good in years,” he said, wiping his eyes. “Ah, man. You’re gonna have to excuse me. I’ll get in trouble if I keep laughing like this out here,” he said, but nonetheless continued laughing like a windshield wiper.

I cracked a smile too, nodding. “Sorry,” I said, laughing a little too.

He shook his head and stood to his feet. “Ah man,” he said, pointing at me with a grin and barely contained laughter. “You gotta put in a good word for me, okay? Promise?”

I nodded. “I’m sure he’ll be flattered,” I said, chuckling as Jin nodded and waved, covering his mouth with his hand as he staggered into the staff lounge.

I washed my hands, chancing a glance at my reflection in the mirror with raised brows. To my surprise, I found the person staring back at me looking…quite lucid. Clear eyes, tired looking but sharp. Even my hair was behaving. Something in the air, maybe. I wiped my hands with a paper towel and tossed it in the trash bin, turning on my heel.

And, on impulse, I bent at the waist to peer beneath the bathroom stalls. Once my eyes landed on a familiar pair of tennis shoes, I felt my chest crumple a little. What was she doing in here anyway? Part of me was frustrated, but not at her. At the situation, for forcing me to put my money where my mouth was. I’d grown a bit lately, right? I’d gotten a bit better lately, right?

Prove it.

I inhaled sharply and nodded, straightening up and bracing myself for rejection. If she got mad, I’d be fine. A bad experience and nothing more. Nothing debilitating. Something to talk about in therapy in passing and then forget.

That’s all it was.

Nonetheless, my fist was shaking just a little as I raised it to rasp against the stall’s door. I waited with bated breath in the silence that ensued, wondering quietly if perhaps she’d fallen asleep or otherwise decided to ignore me entirely. I could have turned around then, could have spun on my heels and made a beeline for the exit.

But I stayed.

And I knocked again.

“Hey,” I said softly to the door, as if perhaps in speaking tenderly my words would reach her. “I know it’s not my place, and I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, but…I’ve been a bit worried about you for a while. You seem to come here a lot. I guess…I just…want you to know that if there’s a way I can help you with whatever you’re going through, I’d like to.”

The girl on the other side was quiet, but I heard her shuffling. “Toilet paper girl?” she asked, voice low.

I stiffened, face hot, and glanced away even though she couldn’t see me. “Uh…yeah, that’s me…I guess…”

And, surprisingly, she laughed. Heartily. It was a comforting, warm sound and vaguely familiar. I took half a step back from the stall, my fingertips still lingering on the door, and watched the floor intently. She was still laughing with her chest, but I saw her feet disappear as she stood to her feet. Slowly, I heard her shuffle toward me and, after agonizing seconds that felt like time suspended, she stall door clicked unlocked and gave way beneath my fingertips.

And, standing before me was a girl a few years my senior with bloodshot eyes and a dimpled half-smile. She eyed me like I was foreign, like she could’t figure me out. And, to be fair, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was like something foreign to her.

She was beautiful, to be sure, with kind, almond-shaped eyes and dark hair, tanned skin and a strong frame. She looked like someone, but I couldn't really place it. Instead, I simply bowed my head and waited for her to relieve me. To tell me it was okay to stand up, to tell me it was okay in general.

But again, instead of speaking she laughed and again my brain ran in frantic circles trying to figure out just where I’d heard that laugh before. I took the laughter as an acceptance of my gesture and stood up straight again, meeting her eyes from half a head below her.

She exuded a sort of confidence that was hard to define, something that felt inherent about her. About even the way she stood, even the way she examined me with intelligent eyes.

“Are…are you okay?” I asked, taking the chance.

Her smile faltered and she took a deep, steadying breath. It seemed the time for laughter was coming to an end. She smoothed her hands against her thighs, shrugging. “Sorry for worrying you,” she said, and her voice was softer now, subdued, docile.

I shook my head, waving my hands. “Don’t be sorry! I just…is there anything I can do to help?” I asked.

She wiped beneath her eyes. Even without makeup, she was pretty. The kind of girl I’d have looked up to as a kid. She crossed her arms and let her gaze fall to the tiled floor. “No,” she said, then sighed. “It’s just…when things get to be too much, I kind of just found myself coming here I guess. Someplace quiet. Far away from people.”

I swallowed hard. “I…get that,” I said with a nod, stepping back to offer her more space in the small restroom.

She met my eyes at last and raised her brows. “Hm?”

I shrugged. “I mean…we all have our safe, comfortable spaces, right?”

She gave me the ghost of a smile and nodded. “Yeah,” she said, wringing her hands. “Anyway, sorry to have worried you.”

She turned and stepped to the side as if preparing to depart and, without thinking, I placed myself in her path, trapping her at the end of the rows of stalls. Her eyes went wide and her lips parted, but she said nothing.

I stuttered out a string of syllables that didn’t add to much of a sentence and shook my head, lowering my arms. “I…um…h-how often do things become too much?” I asked, desperate to keep her here. If my hunch was right, my invading her safe space made it no longer safe. I’d likely never see her again if I let her leave like this, as she’d probably never come back.

That’s what I’d have done anyway…

She stiffened as if she’d been shocked and blinked down at me with round eyes. “Um…,” she began, then her expression relaxed into something more vulnerable, unguarded. “I guess…pretty often.”

Despite my better judgement, I spoke again. “Why?” I asked. Forget social convention. I could tell from the glassy look in her eye that she needed someone.

She sniffled and rubbed her upper arm with her opposite hand. “I just…have some trouble at home I guess. It’s not a big deal…”

“I’m sorry to be like this, but…if you’re in here crying so often I think it might be a pretty big deal,” I said, shaking my head. She met my eyes and I offered a somber smile. “It’s okay.”

She wiped her eyes again, and it looked like she was fighting tears when she responded. “I’m living with my boyfriend and…at first things were good, but he’s gotten really controlling these past few years and it’s…I dunno, he makes me feel…kinda worthless.”

I felt a chill creep through me. “He’s…abusive?” I asked, trying to be as delicate as possible.

Her eyes went wide. “Oh no! No, not like that. He doesn’t, like…hit me or anything, just…”

“Emotional abuse is…still abuse,” I said carefully, watching her for any change in her expression.

She nodded. “I know,” she said, and a single tear trailed resiliently down her cheek. “He doesn’t like me seeing my family or friends, and since I don’t drive he has to drop me off and pick me up everywhere. I’m lucky he even lets me come here in the first place,” she said, then sighed, raking her fingers through her hair. “It’s stupid, you know? Someone like me in a relationship like this…it makes no sense.”

“Do you…wanna leave?”

She sighed and nodded. “I’ve never really admitted it to anyone…but yeah, I guess. I don’t wanna be a…kept woman, you know?” she said, a few more plump tears falling to the floor below. “I just don’t know how to get out of it. Our lives are so integrated. If I go to my family, he’ll just try and come get me from my mom’s place. Cause trouble for her. And if I tell him directly…he’ll just shout at me until I agree to stay.”

“Are you…safe?” I asked.

Her eyes flashed toward me and there was no small margin of fear there. He hadn’t been physically abusive yet. But this man sounded volatile and emotionally compromised. If she stood up to him…who knew how he’d react?

“Stay with me,” I said too fast. She stared at me straight on like I had three heads. “J-Just for today. You said he’d know how to find you if you went to family right away, but if you stay with me for today while you sort things out…”

She shook her head. “That’s really sweet of you, but I’m fine. Really,” she said with a sad smile and a nod. She reached out and took my shoulder in her hand, squeezing once. “I’ll be fine.”

I furrowed my brow. “I…really don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but…someone who spends hours crying in the bathroom of a local bookstore is probably not…fine, you know?”

She was quiet a moment, still touching my shoulder gently, before she heaved a heavy sigh and shut her swollen eyes, rubbing them with her free hand. “God…,” she breathed out as more tears fell.

I shook my head and, without thinking, stepped forward to give her a hug. She startled a little at my unexpected embrace, but after a moment she eased into it and hugged me back.

I patted her shoulder blade, nodding. “It’ll be okay,” I said.

She sniffled a little. “I know.” She pulled back and examined me for a moment before smiling gently. “I’ll…come with you, if that’s alright.”

Gaeul’s eyes were glittering with tears as the girl detailed her story to her. How she’d met her boyfriend in high school and they’d been together so long they didn’t know really how to be apart. How he was a pretty good boyfriend at first, but became jealous and unstable as time went on. How he began to regulate her activities, her relationships, her finances. How before she even knew it, her life was so entangled with his that she couldn’t really break free. She explained how he’d berate her, call her names and demean her when she tried to break things off. How she started to believe him…

“I’m…so sorry,” said Gaeul, shaking her head.

The girl smiled softly and waved her hands. “Don’t be. I’m…it’s scary, but I’m glad to finally untangle myself, you know? It’ll be okay. I’ll call the police tonight and see about setting up a restraining order. And I’ll call my family,” she said, smiling. “I’ll have my mom wire me some money and I’ll stay in a hotel for a day or two until I have things figured out. I’m just…really glad that your sister stopped me today.”

I stiffened, furrowing my brow. “No, no. You don’t need to go to a hotel. You can stay here,” I said, quickly turning to Gaeul where she sat beside me at the table and raised my brows, expectant.

She jumped. “Oh! Yeah, yeah for sure. You can stay here as long as you need,” she said, nodding.

The girl shook her head. “I couldn’t-,”

“Please,” I said, taking her hand with a smile. “I really want you to. You can take my room tonight.”

She glanced at me with round eyes. “That’s okay-,”

I shook my head. “It’s getting late anyway,” I said, glancing out the window at the evening encroaching on the horizon. “It’ll be safer here anyway.”

She swallowed hard and glanced at her phone which had been lighting up like crazy the whole time she’d been in our care. She rubbed the back of her neck. “Jeez…,” she mumbled. “You’re not gonna take no for an answer are you?”

“No,” said Gaeul, shaking her head with shut eyes.

The girl smiled a little, flipped her phone over, and turned to face Gaeul and me. “Then…I may as well stay, huh?” she said with a chuckle. “Been a while since I’ve had a girls’ night anyway.”

I laughed. “We can braid each others’ hair.”

She smirked. “Yours is too short,” she said with a laugh.

Gaeul stood, smiling at our guest. “If you’re looking for a good longevity activity, I suggest helping me with my mural,” she said, gesturing toward the wall.

The girl nodded and stood to her feet. “I’d love to help,” she said with a laugh. “Makes me feel useful.”

I hummed, standing as well and padding toward the couch with them. “I’ll leave the both of you to that.”

The girl chuckled as Gaeul began preparing her painting station. “Lazy,” she joked before jumping a little. “Ah!” she said, snapping her fingers like she just remembered something. “I didn’t even get your names.”

“Oh! I’m Eunbyul and this is my sister Gaeul,” I said, gesturing toward her.

The girl bowed at each of us, smiling softly. “Nice to meet you,” she said, meeting my eyes once more. “I’m Somi.”

My footsteps were loud and clumsy on the underbrush as I struggled to keep up with Gaeul’s rapidly retreating silhouette. The trees were casting long, eerie shadows on the earth below, and I found myself caught in those shadows with every stumbling step forward as the sun began to dip below the horizon. Night was approaching from every direction, and Gaeul’s back became harder and harder to see the darker the forest became. My heart was a wavering drum beat that couldn’t seem to stay to one tempo and my palms were sweaty. I picked at the skin around my nails, calling out to Gaeul.

“Wait up!” I shouted, but by then she was too far ahead.

The woods had no trail leading directly to Auntie’s shop. You just had to…sort of know the way intuitively. And I didn’t. Gaeul had always been the fearless navigator, and in her excitement she’d gone too far ahead too fast and I couldn’t keep up with her relentless pace on my two short legs. Distantly, I heard the sound of the familiar stream cutting a line through the trees. Perhaps if I waited there for Gaeul to return, she’d find me.

But in the moment it took me to consider the option, Gaeul had disappeared entirely from view, obscured by distance and the unrelenting tree line. My chest constricted and fear seized me. I stood still, paralyzed, and began to wail, shouting for my sister to come back, shouting for someone to find me. But as moments ticked on in the twilight darkness, a horrible thought occurred to me.

If I made too much noise, who was to say Gaeul would be the one to find me?

Were there bears out here in these woods?

I didn’t know. And not knowing made it worse.

I stumbled toward the stream bed and, sobbing, collapsed beside it. I dug my hands into the mud, clenching as I cried and cried. My face was hot, body contorted uncomfortably as I sat immobile in the dirt, watching the stream flow on before me, moving forward while I stayed stagnant, too terrified to even move forward an inch.

And there I stayed until evening bled into pitch dark night.

The day felt endless. I was too frightened to venture far from the stream, thinking that if nothing else I had some water to drink even though I didn’t dare drink it. My family had to be looking for me. They had to be searching. The woods were big and it was difficult to find your way around, so maybe they were just having trouble finding me. Gaeul had been in the lead, so if she just retraced her steps they could have found me. Maybe.

I didn’t sleep. Too restless with the nighttime air and the animals skittering around in the overgrowth. But in the warm afternoon light, sitting beside the flowing stream all alone, I found sleep like a siren song and could fight it no longer. I curled up beneath one of the many trees along the stream bed and shut my tired, swollen eyes.

It was night. I knew that much. And after napping during the day, I couldn’t force myself to sleep again. Was this it for me? Had my parents really forgotten about me? Left me out here to die? I contained my tears, tromping away from the stream and into the woods, never too far to see the water over my shoulder. I didn’t know what else to do, and I’d heard somewhere that when you’re lost you’re supposed to stay in one place and wait to be found.

But it had been a full day and now a full night. I glanced up at the sky, the endless stars, the treetops swaying. It was starting to get lighter, navy blue now and lilac around the edges. Dawn was coming and still I was lost. My throat constricted. Of course, I’d known the danger the entire time I’d been lost out here, but suddenly it felt real, tangible in my dirty, grubby fingertips as they gripped rough tree trunks or pushed aside hip-high shrubbery. My skin was getting really dirty, turning from sandy tan to nearly brown with mud. I wanted to shower, to sleep in my bed, to cry to my mom, to leave the woods.

Wind howled through the trees, whistling around corners as it chilled me to the bone. Beside me, the bushes rustled and I screamed, unable to contain it. I watched in horror as the bush continued moving until after a few seconds it stilled. Likely a small animal, but I was too terrified to think logically.

All I knew was primal fear.

“There’s no end…,” I said to myself, fighting back tears. If I cried, I wouldn’t be able to see properly and then what would I do? What if a bear came along? Or a wolf?

“Yes there is,” replied a voice.

I screamed, this time a guttural screech, and fell to my knees, cowering behind my arms. But the voice didn’t continue, leaving me shaking in silence as I slowly lowered my hands and glanced up toward the source. Backlit against the bright dawn moon was a young boy with skin like honey and curious dark eyes. He blinked down at me, brows raised, and scratched at a scab on his knee, exposed by the hem of his shorts.

“You okay?” he asked, casual.

I sniffled and, without thinking, leapt to my feet and scrambled across the scrubby foliage toward him, throwing my arms around his waist and collapsing into sobs. The force of my wailing shook both of our bodies, but I couldn’t help it as tears streamed down my face, dirtying the boy’s nice polo shirt. I clawed at him, desperate to prove he was real, and shook my head, sobbing. He was surprised at first, but slowly he reached around and patted my back.

“It’s okay,” he said softly.

I backed away and looked up at him, a proper look. He did the same, and once examining me he furrowed his brow and took a half step back. “What’re you doing out here so late?” he asked, consulting his wrist watch. His eyes went wide. “Look at the time.”

He held out his wrist for me to examine.

4:02 AM.

I stiffened. “I…,” I began, but fear seized my voice and I stopped midway, shaking my head.

He scanned me, pursing his lips. “Are you lost?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Ah…,” he said with a sigh. “So am I.” He shrugged. “But there’s a way out.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Huh?” I asked, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose.

He raised his brows and pouted. “Hm…,” he said, gently removing my glasses and pressing the nose pads with his fingers, forcing them closer together. “Were they always this loose?” he asked.

I said nothing.

He replaced them on my nose and bent a little to stare at his work before nodding once. “Let’s find a way out, okay?” he said, holding out his hand for me to take.

I felt hot and tired and terrified, but somehow as I slipped my small, cold hand into his warm one something in me settled down. I wasn’t alone anymore. He was here too. I could rely on him.

That’s the feeling he gave me.

It was a feeling I never forgot, even as an adult. A feeling I tried and failed to find in other people.

He cleared his throat as we walked toward the stream and glanced at me frequently over his shoulder, like he was keeping an eye on me. “Um…,” he began, coughing a little. I wiped my eyes with the back of my free hand and glanced at him. “So…since the stream runs north and south, and the street runs east and west, if we follow the river then we’ll get out, alright?”

I sniffled. “Mhm.”

“So don’t cry anymore, okay?” he asked, pausing along the stream bed with knitted brows.

I nodded. “Okay,” I said, still watching the ground as he tugged me along behind him.

The walk was long, and by the time we finally reached the street the sun had nearly risen and the sky was lightening into pastel shades of purple and blue. The fresh morning felt cold on my skin, but holding the boy’s hand kept me from floating away. Watching his back made my heart settle down. Not once did I worry if perhaps he didn’t know as much as he claimed. Not once did I worry that he’d fail to find a way out.

He was the sort of person you want to believe in.

And when we finally broke through the tree line and emerged on the pavement beside the road, the boy turned to me with a wide, dimpled grin. “We did it!” he said, excitedly bouncing from foot to foot. He still held my hand.

We?

I flushed, staring up at him, and blinked. “Y-Yeah…”

He sighed, glancing over his shoulder down the street. “There’s a convenience store. I bet we could use their phone to call the police,” he said with a nod. “I’m sure your family’s looking for you.” He turned halfway to smile down at me.

I swallowed hard. “What about your family?” I asked quietly.

He raised his brows, mouth agape, before laughing and waving his hand. “Anyway, let’s go there and get help, okay?” he said, smiling.

But in that moment something changed. The memory felt less like a memory and more like…

Real life.

I furrowed my brow, glanced down at our interlocked hands, and inhaled sharply. “I…know you…,” I said, voice fatigued as if I were fighting through a thick fog. That’s how it felt, anyway.

I turned to meet his eyes and all at once he changed. Tall, broad-shouldered with dyed hair and the same dimpled smile. And there it was, there he was, there we were…

I released his hand to cup my mouth, eyes wide. “Namjoon,” I whispered, and I could hear that my voice had aged. I glanced down, noticing at once that I was wearing the same pajamas I’d worn when I’d fallen asleep on the couch.

His expression mirrored mine: eyebrows knit, eyes glassy and filled with tears, lips parted, silently staring down at me. It was so obvious now, so precisely correct. All along, he’d been the one. The one I’d compared Seokjin to. The one I’d credited with my safe return. The one I’d idolized.

The one who’d saved me.

“Byul, I-,” he began, but before he could continue, that same tugging sensation from every night returned and I yelled out in surprise.

“No!” I shouted, and finally the tears fell hot and plump down my cheeks. I shook my head, swinging my arms out to reach Namjoon.

He reached out to, both of us holding on to one another by the forearms. He met my eyes, and his own tears were falling. He shook his head. “I can’t fight it,” he said with strain, face flushed and eyes swollen.

I nodded. “I know,” I said, but the pull was getting stronger. We were waking up. I met his eyes, heartbroken, and sniffled as the tears came faster.

“I love you,” he said suddenly, and without even a second’s pause I responded.

“I love you, too,” I said, nodding once.

And just like that, the dream was over.

“I called my brother to come get me.”

It was all I had in me to turn my head a few inches to the side to see Somi standing in the doorway of my bedroom, dressed in Gaeul’s pajamas. She met my eyes and I tried to force a tight smile, but even that was impossible. All I managed was half a nod.

“No rush,” said Gaeul from where she stood in front of her mural. It was nearly done now, just a few details left to finish. Somi had worked hard.

I rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket up beneath my chin, and shut my hot, swelling eyes. I’d awoken crying and out of breath, and since then…

Well, it was taking a lot for me to even stay awake.

Somi smiled at me and maneuvered around the coffee table to join Gaeul, footsteps crinkling on the plastic tarp. “Hey,” she said quietly, the two of them standing close. “Is she okay?” she asked.

Gaeul glanced at me over her shoulder and responded in a whisper. “I…don’t really know,” she said.

I was sure they meant no harm, as Gaeul had been tossing looks at me over her shoulder since she woke up an hour earlier. But in that moment, I wished for nothing more than to just…be alone.

At about ten there was a frantic knock at the door. Still lying on my stomach on the couch, I didn’t even have the energy to lift my head, leaving Gaeul to answer the door. I heard her breeze past me and opened one eye to watch her feet pad be the side of the couch. Somi stood up from where she sat by my feet and joined Gaeul by the door. I rested my head on the pillow once more, shutting my eyes.

I heard the door open, and footsteps shuffle in, then the sound of bodies colliding, clothing shifting. They were hugging, probably. I felt more settled knowing Somi had someone reliable to help her out in the longterm. I wasn’t so sure I’d get to see her again. And, as much as I’d liked to have given her a proper send-off, if I opened my eyes too long or looked around too much, my throat would constrict and I’d cry.

Why was that?

“Jesus, Somi,” said a deep, rumbling male voice.

Huh.

Kind of familiar.

Somi sighed. “I know, I know. Save the scolding for the bus ride home,” she said, and from her tone I imagined her waving her hand, flippant.

“Thank you so much for taking care of her for the night,” said the man, and I furrowed my brow, unable to ignore it.

Gaeul chuckled. “It was really no big deal, honestly.”

Somi sighed. “I’m really grateful to Eunbyul for helping me at the bookstore.”

“Eunbyul…?” asked the man, like he knew me.

My heart rate kicked up and my eyes flashed open, staring at the floor. I could feel him looking at me. “Ah, yeah. My sister,” said Gaeul. “Sorry she’s…not feeling well.”

The man was quiet for a moment. “Ah, no worries. I…hope she feels better,” he said, and I felt again like I was standing on a precipice, about to fall over the edge.

Only now, I wasn’t so scared of falling.

I sat upright and turned to see the man’s back was facing me now, one hand on Somi’s slender shoulder as he rattled off scoldings. And I recognized him at once.

The guy from the pottery shop.

Small world.

I felt some of my energy return and gave Somi a proper smile as she glanced my way. “Ah! You’re awake!” she called, but before the stranger could turn to look my way, Somi snapped her fingers. “Shoot, I bet you wanna sleep in your bed. Let me go change and I’ll get going.”

Gaeul, standing in front of the door, jumped and followed Somi. “Ah, wait! You can change in my room. I’ll give you some spare clothes to take,” she said.

Somi rolled her eyes. “I’ve got plenty of clothes.”

“Yeah, but how’re you gonna get them?” Gaeul responded, cocking a brow.

Somi shut her mouth, clearing her throat. “Well…that is…a fair point,” she conceded with a smile. “Thanks,” she said, patting Gaeul’s shoulder.

The two walked side by side into Gaeul’s room, and both me and the stranger watched them retreat. I stared after them for a moment longer, suddenly self conscious. What were the two of us supposed to talk about on our own?

I cleared my throat and stood to my feet. Just introduce yourself, I thought, Just be normal and don’t make him feel unwelcome. I turned toward him and, slowly, lifted my eyes to meet his.

Handsome with soft features and a polite, dimpled smile, he locked his warm brown eyes on mine, running a hand through his honey blonde hair. Quickly, though, that smile slipped and his eyes went round with knowing. The weight of remembering came upon me hard like a gut punch. I felt my body go numb and, without realizing it, I fell to my knees, eyes welling with tears.

I covered my lips with both hands, tears flowing freely now. Namjoon approached, sliding in front of me, and without a single word exchanged he wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I felt his tears his my back through my thin pajama shirt. Shaking, I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his firm chest. I could really feel him, feel the warmth coming from his body, the fabric of his shirt. I could smell his cologne, feel the muscles of his back contract beneath my fingertips. He was corporeal, he was here.

“You’re real,” I said in a broken whisper, pulling away to look at his face. His eyes were red from crying and I reached out to smooth my hand against his cheek, swiping away his tears. “You’re real.”

He sniffled, nodding. “You’re real,” he whispered back.

I swallowed hard, laughing in disbelief. “I…I’m…”

He nodded. “I know.” He gently threaded his fingers through my hair and I leaned into his touch, shutting my eyes. “Ah,” he said, removing his hand from my head and reaching for the hair tie on his wrist. “You should have this back,” he said with a tearful chuckle. “Better than that rubber one you’ve been wearing.”

I joined him laughing, but as he worked a finger beneath the hair elastic to remove it, I seized his hands in mine and shook my head. “Keep it,” I said softly with a smile.

He smiled back, face red from crying, and nodded, leaning back on his heels. I mimicked his gesture, but our hands were still knotted, intertwined together. “God…,” he said.

“Yeah.”

He watched me, sitting perfectly still save for his fingertips which smoothed along the skin of my hands, and smiled. There was so much fondness in his eyes, so much that it overwhelmed me. I nearly looked away.

“T-Tell me how you’ve been,” I said, choking back a fresh wave of tears.

“Uh,” he sniffled, wiping beneath his eyes, and nodded. “I met with a professional PD yesterday morning with my roommate and he’s interested in me.”

My eyes went wide and I clamped a hand over my mouth. “Your song!” I exclaimed, pointing at him.

He laughed a little, nodding. “Yeah, he…he wants to see more of my work but my roommate says it’s pretty much decided that I’ll work with them,” he said, smiling at his lap like a bashful kid.

I reached out, cupping his face in my hands, and smiled so big it hurt my cheeks. “Namjoon, that’s so great!”

He smiled softly in response and pressed a hand against mine, chuckling. “How about you? What’s new these days?”

I thought a moment, and watched as he laced our fingers together, guiding our hands to rest against my knees. “I’m…working on making some pottery,” I said with a nod.

He raised his brows. “Really? For real?”

I laughed. “No, I’m just messing with you,” I began, then rolled my eyes. “Of course.”

He grinned. “I’m proud of you,” he said, nodding. “You’ve come a long way since we first met.”

I smiled. “You too,” I said, then hummed. “Grown about two feet too.”

He laughed, brushing his thumb against my burning hot cheek. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me either.”

Gently, he leaned forward on his knees and, now towering over me, he closed the distance between us. He pressed soft lips against mine, and I tilted my head to the side to accommodate him. He was warm, nose pressing into my cheek, hand just barely touching my jaw, not demanding, not impatient. I was certain he felt it too. That we had time. All the time we could ever need.

“You guys good out there?” called Gaeul’s voice from inside her bedroom.

Well, maybe not all the time right now.

Namjoon and I parted, but he pressed his forehead against mine. “To be continued,” he said.

I mimed gagging. “What a cliche,” I teased, but I couldn’t fight my smile.

The two of us stood to our feet and, quickly, I grabbed a scrap of paper from Gaeul’s notebook and scribbled down my number sloppily. Namjoon, brows raised, awaited my return with a smirk. I handed him the paper and met his eyes, holding onto his hand as he took my number.

“We won’t lose each other again,” I said, and I had all the conviction in the world in my voice.

Namjoon smiled softly and nodded. “What a cliche,” he responded as he examined the number fondly. He placed it carefully in the back pocket of his shorts and returned to me with a smile.

He reached out and swept me up in a hug, wrapping both arms around my waist. I held tight to his neck. “There’s still so much I wanna ask you about,” I said against his shoulder.

He chuckled, and I felt it against my own chest. He rubbed my sides gently. “We’ve got time.”

I nodded, pulling back just far enough to press a kiss against his lips. He smiled into it, holding me tightly, and pulled away so he could press a kiss into my cheek. I exhaled slowly and took a step back.

“I’ll text you right away,” he said with an eager smile.

I shook my head and glanced over my shoulder at Gaeul’s bedroom door. “Don’t,” I said. “Right now, I think Somi needs you.”

Namjoon nodded. “You’re right.”

I felt a bit guilty, being out here sharing such a profoundly happy moment during such a profoundly heavy time. And as much as I may have wanted to monopolize Namjoon now that we were finally reunited, this moment wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about us.

This moment was about him and his family.

I turned back to him with a smile, wiping the remnants of my tears from my eyes. “Take care of her, okay?” I asked.

He nodded. “I will.” He pressed a hand against my shoulder. “Thank you, Byul. For helping her.”

I shook my head. “I wish I would’ve done it sooner,” I said with a sigh, recalling the many times I’d simply ignored her cries.

Somi and Gaeul emerged from the bedroom, chatting easily. Somi held one of Gaeul’s travel bags over her shoulder, straining from all the clothes trapped inside. I chuckled and raised a brow at Gaeul.

“Oh! How are you feeling?” she asked, quick to come to my side.

I shook my head. “I’m fine,” I said, smiling at Somi. “I’m sorry I was so weird this morning. I’m better now.”

She returned the smile and, wordlessly, opened her arms for me. Laughing, I fell into her embrace and she rocked us steadily back and forth. “Thanks, kid,” she said.

I chuckled. “Don’t thank me.”

She pulled away and gave Namjoon’s shoulder a punch. “Stop looking at her like that,” she scolded and Namjoon’s face went red.

“I wasn’t looking at her,” he said through a pout.

Somi rolled her eyes. “Wipe your drool before saying goodbye,” she teased, laughing as she cast a wave over her shoulder at me and Gaeul.

I smiled, sneaking a sidelong glance at Namjoon who was indeed still looking at me with a soft, tender gaze. I followed the two of them out into the hallway and leaned a hip against the doorframe. Namjoon turned to give me one last look as Somi waved, walking backwards down the hall. He lifted his right hand in a half-wave and I returned it.

As Gaeul locked the door behind them, she gave me a knowing smirk. “So what was that about?” she asked.

I sighed and fell onto the sofa, flicking on the TV. “Nothing,” I said.

She laughed and crossed her arms, incredulous. “Don’t lie to me.”

I shrugged. “We know each other from the pottery shop,” I said, resting my feet on the coffee table. “That’s all.”

“Oh, that’s all, huh?” she teased, hopping over my legs.

I smiled. “Yeah,” I said, mostly to myself as I examined my hands, the feeling of his fingers laced through mine still lingering there. “That’s all.”

She laughed, kicking my thigh with her socked foot. “Come on and help me, if you’re just gonna sit there and lie.”

I raised my eyes to look at her. “Huh?”

“Let’s get rid of all these tarps,” she said, pointing at the ground. “I finally finished the mural.”

I laughed. “No way. You’ve got Somi to thank for that, huh?” I said, standing nonetheless and bending to remove the tape that held the plastic to the floor.

She hummed. “Mhm. I’ll have to call her up and treat her to some dinner here once the place is cleaned up,” she said, then smirked at me. “You can invite her brother.”

I laughed, but couldn’t help but ease into the comfortable feeling of being teased. Because, in the end, I’d found him. After everything, after all the drama and the pain and the fear…

I’d finally found him.

[inahazzze]

A Long Way From Home

You’re travelling and meet Harry in your hostel when you share a bunk bed in a tiny mixed dorm room. It’s a long week. (5.5k)

***A/N: Thank you for all of your support with It’s None of Your Business! I really hope you enjoy this one :) I’m just as nervous as I was posting my first piece (if not more so!) so please let me know what you think! The opening paragraphs will make more sense by the end and into part 2 btw :) I’m not sure yet how many parts there will be but there will definitely be more to this story!!***

Warnings: MC with anxiety, masturbation

It’s the only bed left. Of the two bunk beds in the tiny, stuffy room of the Vancouver hostel, the top bunk right next to the door is the only untouched space. On the bunk underneath, a black backpack spills its contents over the slept-in sheets. Looking around the room, there isn’t much else to see. The other two beds in the room are clearly occupied as well, but there’s no one currently here. It’s late enough in the morning that you assume people are already out exploring the city, which is what you plan on doing once you’re settled in. Two large backpacker packs and one open suitcase litter the floor, and a few pairs of shoes are piled into a corner. There are two towels hanging from hooks to your left and a tiny window that doesn’t look like it will open. You can’t help but feel the early tugs of anxiety pulling you into your head. You’ve travelled before, even stayed in a few hostels before, but you still wonder if it’s a mistake every time. Sure, you didn’t really have the money to stay anywhere else in this expensive city, but you can’t switch off your racing mind at the realisation that you’re stuck with a top bunk. You feel like a child being afraid of something like this, and have even been made fun of by friends for admitting the fear. You’ve pushed yourself into sleeping on a top bunk before, but every time you try to sleep you can see yourself falling off of the bunk in a half-vision, half-memory of the time that you fell and broke your arm at summer camp. The camp counsellor assigned to your group didn’t believe that you’d really hurt yourself and it took two days to be sent to the nurse. Your parents nearly shut the camp down for good once they found out about it. You stare at the bunk, willing yourself to just move your stuff onto the bed and get over yourself, but you feel paralysed. After a minute, the weight of your pack on your shoulders forces you to begin settling in.

You know that it’s irrational, that a bunk bed is barely off the ground and that you can no longer slip between the bottom of the bed and the protective bar, but your anxiety continues to pester you as you slowly unpack. You’re in the middle of giving yourself a lecture in your head about doing things that make you uncomfortable because you’re an adult, when you hear the accepted beep of a keycard against the other side of the door. You’re standing on the second rung of the bunk’s ladder unloading some of your belongings onto the tiny hanging shelf above your bed, so it’s a difficult spot to turn back to the door. You can hear the door open and shut behind you and suddenly realise that whoever just walked in was probably met with your ass level to their head, sticking out as you bend over the bed. Scrambling to stand straighter on the ladder and shift your knees to the side, you turn your head to greet your new roommate.

You’d hoped that whoever walked in might’ve been on their phone or disinterested in you so that you didn’t have to talk to anyone, but you immediately make eye contact as soon as you turn towards him. If you’d met in any other way, you might first notice the dimples peeking out from behind a budding smile, or the hair that fans down his shoulders. But you don’t think that anyone would begrudge you for your first impression, which is that a naked, slightly dripping man is standing before you in nothing but a flimsy towel. His torso and arms are scattered with tattoos in a patchwork of black ink, the most prominent being a large butterfly on the centre of his abdomen. His hair is sopping wet and collecting in bunches along his collarbone, allowing droplets of water to travel past the butterfly and hit the pink towel settled low on his hips.

You have no idea how much time passes or how long you look down at his body, but he’s fully grinning by the time your eyes meet again. It’s a polite and friendly smile, but there’s also something in it that says, yeah, I saw you looking at my body. You probably weren’t very subtle, given how taken aback you were by his sudden and very naked appearance.

“Hello,” he says.

“Um, hi,” you reply as you awkwardly climb down from the metal bunk bed ladder. You absentmindedly rub at the inside of your arm that was digging in to the bunk’s railing while you were holding your body aloft and staring at the naked stranger.

“Guess we’re bunk mates, then?”

“I guess so,” is all that you can think to say.

You can’t place exactly where his accent is from, but you can tell that it’s from somewhere in England. From travelling a lot, you’re usually pretty good with picking specific accents after hearing someone speak for a little while. You’re already looking forward to listening to his voice more to try and work it out.

“Did you just get in?”

“Yeah, ‘bout ten minutes ago,” you tell him, realising that he must’ve known that already if you weren’t here before he left for his shower. You can’t tell if he’s actually interested in making friendly conversation or just trying to fill the awkward silence. Your eyes keep glancing down his body, almost of their own accord. He hasn’t made any effort to dry off his body or put on clothes, and seems to be nonchalant about his nakedness. He’s incredibly nice to look at, but you don’t want to be rude or creepy. You also don’t want him to bring back that knowing smirk that tells you he can see your wandering eyes.

“How long’re you staying for?”

He didn’t hesitate between questions or seem uncomfortable in the way that you felt and probably looked. It’s a bit of a relief that he’s clearly taken control of the conversation and it makes you feel a bit better about talking to this good looking naked stranger.

‘’I’m actually here a few weeks,” you tell him and his eyebrows shoot up.

“Wow,” he says with a whistle. “Why so long?”

No matter how much you travel, you’ve never mastered this kind of small talk. Especially in hostels where there can be a new roommate every day - it can get tiring asking the same questions and never getting further as people don’t care or leave too soon to make the effort. You wonder if he’s travelled so much that he’s just great at talking to people, or if he’s travelling for the first time and much more optimistic about the ability to make friends here.

“I’m kinda looking for work and seeing if I like the feel of the city enough to live here.”

He nods his head contemplatively, looking off to the side while taking his bottom lip between his thumb and pointer finger. His forehead is wrinkled in thought for a brief moment before he looks up at you with brighter eyes.

“I can show you around,” he says casually, “I mean, if you want.”

“Oh.” It comes out higher pitched than your normal voice, like your throat closed up a little bit at what his offer could mean. “Yeah, sure, thanks. That would be nice.”

His smile widens, teeth and dimples on full display. Your heart starts beating faster and you’re picking at your nails subconsciously as he begins to rifle through his pack for some clothing. He pulls out a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and a pair of black Calvin Klein boxer briefs.

“D’you mind, love?” You look up from the boxer briefs and meet his eyes, now clearly amused by your focus on his underwear. You feel a bit caught in the act, but you’re also enjoying what it seems to bring out in him.

“Right, of course.” Your eyebrows raise once you realise that he’s waiting for you to look away so that he can get dressed, so you turn to face the bed where you can’t see a thing.

You try to busy yourself by untangling some cables that got mixed up in your bag, but you freeze when you hear the sound of towel rubbing against skin. You can’t see him, but the sound alone and the thought of him drying himself right behind you causes a radiating heat to form between your legs. You can hear the rustle of fabric and the distinct slap of underwear elastic on skin. Your fingers move around the cables but they’re only trying to look busy instead of actually working to separate them. You’re too busy thinking about how your fingers would feel slipping under the elastic waistband of the Calvin Klein’s.

“Hey,” you say, cocking your head. “What’s your name?”

“Harry.”

“Nice to meet you, Harry.”

You introduce yourself with a smile, even though you’re still facing the bed and he can’t see you. Hopefully the warmth will translate into your voice – you can certainly hear the warmth in his. You think his name really suits him. You don’t know what it is, but it just seems right.

“You’re all good,” he says, and you take that to mean that he’s finally dressed. You turn back towards him to find him standing in a white Rolling Stones t-shirt and black shorts. You don’t think it’s quite hot enough for it – it may be summer, but it’s still Canada. You were just travelling through California, so it’ll take you some adjustment to feel warm in a t-shirt here.

“You can ride a bike, yeah?” He says as he takes a few steps backward to sit on the other bunk bed across the room. He has to bend his neck and head forward so that he doesn’t hit the metal of the top bunk. It’s such a small room that you’re still not very far apart, even though you haven’t moved from leaning against the bunk that’s yours and Harry’s.

“Yeah,” you tell him hesitantly, not wanting to reveal that you haven’t been on a bike in years. Even if you’d never been on one, you’d probably say yes anyway just to spend more time around him. At least you know how to ride a bike, so figure it’ll probably be fine given the phrase it’s just like riding a bike.

“Alrigh’, well ‘ve just gotta make a phone call real quick, d’you think you’ll be ready in about 20?”

“Sure… uh, where are we going?” You ask him, prompting a smirk.

“You’ll see.”

~

When Harry returns from his phone call, you’ve changed into an appropriate outfit for biking. You look up from your phone when you hear the sound of the keycard, and he opens the door just enough to poke his head through. His hair is dry and thrown into a bun, the flyaways held back by black sunglasses just behind his hairline.

“Ready?”

You nod and grab the tiny lightweight backpack that holds your phone, wallet, keycard and a water bottle. Your shorts didn’t have deep enough pockets to hold your things and you were not about to spend the rest of your day with Harry stressing about lost possessions. You’d brought a padlock to keep the rest of your valuables safe in the room’s small locker.

Harry leads the way on foot and you make light conversation while walking to wherever he has in mind. You find yourself needing to walk a bit faster than you usually do to keep up with his paces as he’s taller and has longer legs than you. While you’re tired, you’re happy that you get to warm up your legs a bit as your knees are still a bit sore from the cramped flight early this morning.

You don’t know what it is, considering you only just met, but there’s something that draws you to him. It wasn’t just pure attraction; there’s something captivating and electric about him that you don’t really know how to explain. You’ve never been that good at making small talk with strangers, but he leads the conversation in a way that makes you feel at ease and immediately comfortable. He lets you take time to think before responding to a question and doesn’t rush you. He’s funny, in an effortlessly charming way, and you find your cheeks hurting and shoulders relaxing before long. You find yourself so mesmerised by his warm smile that you forget to look around at the unfamiliar city around you.

Usually, you prefer to travel alone. If you could afford it, you would have stayed in a private room for your whole trip, but Vancouver is expensive and your stay would have been cut significantly shorter. This way, you’re able to get to know the city a bit better in your own time before rushing into finding a job.

You’ve travelled with friends before and it was always underwhelming, with you being the one to continuously compromise what you wanted to do in favour of someone else’s ideas. You’ve met backpackers before and enjoyed a chat, but this is the first time that you’ve actually wanted to spend time with someone you’ve just met and explore the city with them.

When you arrive at the bike rental, Harry insists on paying for your bike as well. You argue with him and repeatedly insist on paying for it yourself, but he’s unfazed by your persistence and you eventually give in. You’re surprised at his generosity, given that you barely know each other and he’s also sleeping in a cheap hostel dorm room.

Harry smoothly mounts his bike in one fluid motion and glances back towards you to wait until you’re ready to go. You attempt to do the same, but your shoelace gets tangled in one of the wheel’s gears and you stumble into the bike, just catching yourself from falling flat on your ass. You groan when you see that Harry had been watching and is now standing with a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. You roll your eyes at him and bend down to re-tie your loose shoelace, but your elbow hits the bike foot pedal on the way down. Harry cackles so hard that his eyes close tightly while you’re clutching your elbow in pain. Luckily, no one else on the street seemed to notice what happened. After a few more seconds of smug chucking, he gets off of his bike to help you. He looks you in the eye, suddenly more serious, and holds his hands out towards you as if asking if he can touch you. You nod your head and immediately forget that you were mortified by your lack of coordination just moments ago. He rests both hands on either side of your waist, very lightly pressing into your skin. His thumbs hit the hard underwire of your bra, and you can see his Adam’s apple bob in your peripheral vision. This time when you lift your leg over the bike, Harry steadies you and you successfully land on the seat, albeit a bit too hard.

You’ve now realised your newest problem. Harry’s hands linger on your waist for just a bit longer than they needed to, which you can feel through your t-shirt like a brand, and now there’s a solid pressure pushing in between your legs. It’s the perfect combination to heat your whole body up before you’ve even begun exercising. When he lets go, he avoids meeting your eyes and scrambles back onto the bike to get going. You take a deep breath, willing yourself to focus on the path ahead instead of the throbbing that’s trying to draw all of your attention towards its need. You force yourself forwards, very softly moaning at the feeling of moving back and forth on the firm seat. You worry that Harry heard you when he quickly turns his head back to you, but his expression gives nothing away. You mentally zip your mouth shut and try to think of anything other than Harry’s tensed calves and prominent back muscles under his shirt.

It’s only a few minutes of riding when you arrive at the beginning of the Seawall, a snaking bike path that winds around the enormous Stanley Park. You’d already read about it and planned to do some hiking here.

“Gorgeous, innit?” Harry says.

It’s so beautiful that you’re speechless. The harbour curves around the park and continues farther than you can see, and the mixture of greens within the trees is replicated just as vividly in the still water below. The path separates the park from the water and creates a barrier that makes it feel like the boundary between worlds. As the park curves to where you can’t see it, the sight is taken over by the city skyline of North Vancouver, also reflected in the water. The result is a breathtaking vision of opposites and how they can come together in harmony, and you feel emotion well in your chest for some reason. Harry is looking at you, curious as to what you’re thinking about, but unwilling to interrupt your processing.

You come out of your reverie at the sound of a child laughing somewhere nearby. Harry doesn’t ask you anything but watches you closely with curious eyes. He then kicks off from the ground and gestures to you to follow him along the winding path.

The bike lane is too narrow to ride alongside each other, so you follow closely behind him. You notice and appreciate that he glances behind him every few minutes to ensure that you’re still there. You allow yourself to drift off into a state of ease that comes along with your body’s rhythmic movements and the peaceful scenery around you. The winding path is a good distraction, as it forces you to focus on not crashing instead of the pulsing that you can feel emanating from your pelvis.

You’ve ridden around the Seawalk far enough that you can no longer see downtown Vancouver by the time Harry stops for a drink of water. He jumps off of his bike with a childish energy and wipes the sweat off of his forehead with one hand. He turns around to kick out the bike stand and you can see the sheen of sweat shining on his neck and leading to a dark patch on the centre of his t-shirt on his back.

You carefully remove yourself from your bike, mindful not to stumble again, and feel a rush once the pressure is removed from between your legs. You’re partly relieved by the feeling, worried that your pubic bone might be bruised, and partly wishing that you could immediately get back on to help satisfy the itch that has unexpectedly arisen this afternoon. You drink some water, stretch your legs and walk towards the water’s edge to enjoy the view of dense pine trees and distant snowy mountains. Harry’s behind you, writing on his phone and swallowing large sips of water one after the next.

When you’re ready to continue on, you turn to find Harry sitting on a bench and watching you with a gentle smile on his face.

“Ready?” You ask him, and he grins wider because this is the first time you’ve really initiated a conversation. One word was definitely a start, and he can work on that.

“Ready,” he confirms and grabs his bike with a renewed enthusiasm.

This time when you mount your bike, the seat feels slightly softer and more cushioned against your front from how wet you’ve become without release. You shift your hips back and forth to get comfortable and let out a light sigh at the feeling. When you find a position that will be manageable to get you through the rest of the ride, you look up to find Harry looking at you with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly parted. You have no doubt that he watched your display, and his expression gives away his seeming understanding of your current predicament. He closes his mouth and averts his eyes in a hurry, hopping on his bike and kicking away from the curb at once. You follow behind him, thinking about how his eyes bore into your skin before he took off. You’re hot, but your arm hairs stand on end thinking about that piercing glare.

You ride for quite a while longer, lost in your thoughts and the hypnotising motion of your body’s rhythm. Eventually you arrive back where you started at the bike shop to return them and walk back to the hostel. The walk back with Harry is a bit different to the way there, as there is now a palpable tension between you that neither of you want to acknowledge. The only other differences are the shift of the sun in the sky and the sweat soaking through your t-shirts.

When you return to the hostel, you’re exhausted and want to take a nap but you feel disgusting and don’t want to deal with the anxiety of sleeping in the top bunk until you absolutely need to. It’s later in the afternoon than you thought it’d be, as you were enjoying yourself so much with Harry that you forgot to keep track of the time. You both return to your room and Harry slumps down on his bed and starts scrolling through his phone. There’s still no one else here, but one of the packs has moved and is now perched on top of the other lower bunk bed. You’re standing in the middle of the room, undecided on what to do with yourself.

“Might shower, I feel pretty gross,” you say out loud to no one in particular.

Harry looks up from his phone and nods, giving you a look that you can’t quite decipher. It’s a swapping of roles – earlier, you’d been the one to gesture instead of verbally respond. You wonder what changed for him and briefly think back to the same meaningful looks he shot you when you were riding your bikes. You turn your back to him and open your pack to grab your travel towel, toiletries and a change of clothes; careful to hide your underwear and bra in between your other clothes. You can feel that Harry’s eyes are on your back, but make no move to acknowledge him.

You’ve never touched yourself in a hostel shower before as it felt too weird when right next to other occupied stalls, but this hostel has a few standalone individual shower blocks and you’ve been feeling the need since you first turned around to see Harry naked in that pink towel. You make sure to be silent and quick, and end up more relieved and relaxed than you remember being in a while.

When you return to the room, Harry’s nowhere to be found. You weren’t expecting him to wait around for you but your heart still sinks a little in your chest. You have to remind yourself that you only met him this morning and he’s a virtual stranger that already spend the whole afternoon with you.

You walk down the street until you find a sushi restaurant that a girl at the hostel’s front desk recommended. In the end, you’re happy to spend some time alone after your social afternoon to think and recharge your energy. You write in your travel journal, describing your afternoon with Harry and marking off Stanley Park on your ‘to do’ list. After dinner, you walk the streets aimlessly to get more of a feel for the city and its people, and you do some window shopping.

By the time you return to the hostel, it’s dark and you’re tired enough to head straight to bed. There’s a man already sleeping in the other top bunk, and a girl is folding clothes into a suitcase strewn across the small space. Harry’s not here. The girl smiles and waves politely at you, luckily uninterested in a conversation. You’re not in the mood to speak to someone new and you don’t want to wake the sleeping man. You tiptoe around the girl’s suitcase and begin to clamber up to your bunk, heart rate beginning to rise as you climb. You’re proud of yourself for facing your fear, but still can’t help but feel the familiar heavy panic settle under your skin. You figure that your anxiety has to eventually settle as you don’t have much of a choice but to sleep here at this point. You try to distract yourself by reading for a bit with your back safely against the wall, but you can still feel the restless energy coursing through your body and twisting through your mind. You count the spots on the ceiling and get to 326 before someone turns off the overhead light. You try listening to music, meditating, playing a game on your phone. You think about all of the places in the world you’d like to go to that you haven’t been yet, and make up lists of your favourite albums and movies. Your heart rate goes down a bit, but you still can’t sleep. Your mind won’t shut off and stop replaying the terrifying moment that you fell from your camp bed and broke your arm. That whole ordeal was so traumatising that you dreamt about it for months after it happened, waking up as you were about to hit the ground with a hard thump. You’ve avoided bunk beds since, and even started to forget that it was a fear of yours. You’d thought that it would be fine seeing as you’re an adult now and no longer the scared child that badly broke her arm and suffered nightmares from it. But clearly, it’s still an issue.

At some point, the door opens and the metal frame shakes under the weight of Harry climbing into the bottom bed. Your whole body tenses up with terror, convinced that you’re going to fall through and crush him. A sweat breaks out behind your neck at the image playing through your mind. Harry shifts around the bed to get comfortable and the creaks of the frame bounce around your brain like music in a horror film. You’re laying there so long that you start to daydream of flipping a switch somewhere inside you to just turn off. You can tell when Harry is asleep, because you can hear his slow, heavy breathing. You can tell that whoever is snoring is sleeping in the other bunk across the room. You’ve heard far worse in the other few hostels you’ve slept in, so you’re not too bothered by it. As you lie in the dark, you become so delirious that you can’t even tell if your eyes are open or not. The only thing you think about without falling back into the worst of your anxiety is your day with Harry.

~

You must have fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion at some point, because you wake to the sound of whispering. It may be your delirious state, but you don’t think that you’re hearing English. Listening for a minute, it sounds like Japanese, which you can’t understand but recognise from its unique sound. You open your eyes the tiniest bit and groan at the harsh light that immediately wakes you in the most unpleasant way.

The whispering abruptly stops and you can sense that there are eyes on you. You rub at your eyes and open them to the blurred image of Harry standing with the other girl in your room. You’re so confused and tired that you can’t really process anything and just stare at them until your vision becomes clearer. The man who you’d only seen asleep last night is no longer here and his bed is stripped of sheets. Harry’s dressed in a plain black t-shirt and gym shorts. He smiles at you, which you try to reflect back to him but feel like your face isn’t fully cooperating as it’s a bit paralysed from sleep.

The girl looks between the two of you and then says something to Harry in Japanese before she leaves the room. He responds with what is clearly a goodbye. You’d thought that hearing Japanese was part of a dream, but you must have overheard their conversation while still half-asleep.

“You okay? You don’t look so great.”

Harry is watching you closely, looking way too alive and wide-eyed for the early hour.

“Thanks for that, how lovely,” you say through a yawn.

“No, I just mean you look tired, love. Not the most comfortable bed, huh?”

Your mind is split between wanting to melt from the pet name and tell him off for saying that you look like shit. But to be fair, you feel like shit, so it makes sense that you’d look the same.

“Yeah, didn’t really sleep ‘s all,” you tell him.

He tilts his head at you.

“Why not?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” you say, but he clearly doesn’t believe you.

“So I didn’t tire you out enough yesterday, then?”

For a second your mind goes somewhere entirely inappropriate and you blame your lack of sleep and anxiety-riddled brain for the thought of what else he could’ve done to tire you out. You hope that he can’t read what you’re thinking about on your face.

“I was tired enough, just couldn’t sleep. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, you need your sleep.” His concern seems genuine. “It’s not ‘cause the bed isn’t comfortable, is it?”

You don’t say anything, which is answer enough for him.

“What is it?” He prompts when you don’t elaborate.

“It’s stupid.”

“I promise I won’t laugh or judge or say anything. And it’s probably not stupid,” he says.

“Okay… well. I just have some anxiety about sleeping on a top bunk,” you say, and continue once you notice that he hasn’t reacted. “Since I fell off as a kid and broke my arm.”

You brace yourself for a joke or a mocking comment like you’ve received so many times in the past, but none comes.

“I’m sorry, that’s terrible,” he says. His brow furrows in genuine concern. “Why didn’t you say anything yesterday, love?”

Your heart leaps up into your throat once again at him calling you love.

“What, I’d just poke my head down and ask if we could swap beds in the middle of the night because I can’t get over myself?”

“Who said anything about swapping?”

You’re showing the confusion on your face clear as day, so he continues until you catch on to his comment.

“I mean, you could’ve just slept with me instead,” he says with a smirk. “I wouldn’t’ve minded.”

You don’t even know how to respond, not used to anyone being so forward and suggestive, and he cracks up at your shocked speechlessness. It’s like he’s enjoying how uncomfortable he can suddenly make you and he’s using this power to his advantage. You laugh and feel the tightness in your chest ease up just a little. He didn’t make fun of you, or dismiss your irrational fear. In fact, he made you feel a bit better and lightened the mood.

“But in all seriousness, don’t say that,” he says quietly.

“Don’t say what?”

“That you can’t get over yourself. Anxiety and panic attacks are serious, it’s not your fault.”

You’re speechless for a minute, knowing that he’s right but not wanting to admit that your self-deprecation is just as crippling as your anxiety is. It’s one thing to hear that from a doctor or a psychologist, but hearing it from Harry feels different. It isn’t his job to say it - he means it and it’s something that you knew but still really needed to hear.

“I’ll swap with you.”

“No no, you’re already settled and it’s not fair to make you-”

“I insist, it’s really not a problem at all.”

You smile at him, grateful but a bit strained. You’re relieved that you’ll get some sleep from now on, but you also don’t want him to pity you. There’s a few minutes of comfortable silence that you fill by scrolling through your phone for the Vancouver attractions you want to go to today. Harry is also on his phone, typing away. He looks up after a minute, returning to how he’d been acting before you told him about your anxiety. He speaks around a wide, cheeky grin.

“So, what are we doing today?”

PART 2

[qunot]

Lolicon’s Impact on Me

Oh, how I loathe to write this post, but write I must, I don't know if this will sink to the depths of darkness, but I'd like to think that at-least one soul might benefit from it.

I am what society would call a monster or aberration. A being who has no attraction to adults but does have it to kids. Some as young as 9.

Contrary to popular belief, I did not get bored some day and decide, "I am feeling really masochistic today, why don't I do something that is bound to really backfire on me and completely destroy my life, just to spice things up."

No one thinks like that, it is innate. From the very moment you're born to the very moment you die, it is a part of you forever and ever and it sucks. A lot. Having sex? Never. Having a relationship with someone? Never. Looking at porn? Only if you want to go to prison for forty years.

Also contrary to popular belief, I don't have the desire to jump on random people in fits of lust or to seek out sexual encounters just to relieve the pressure. This is similar to how you don't really see hordes of virgin men scouring the streets for every random woman they can forcefully abduct into their homes.

This is not to say that we are completely stable. Societal pressures involved (being called a monster constantly), having nowhere to turn to, etc. conspire to make us a fair bit more unstable than the national average.

I myself am actually fairly well-adjusted compared to many more unfortunate people like me.

Some go insane.

Some just give into temptation and eventually end up in a dark part of the web filled with things which shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Some get all self-loathing and punish themselves every-day to make themselves feel how much of a monster they are.

I on the other-hand manage to stay relatively stable, albeit having to deal with bouts of depression and mood instability. This wasn't always the case, and I attribute much of it to lolicon hentai, which is a sort of cartoon porn.

Unlike real pornography, every character is entirely fictitious and there is no person to horribly traumatize or to soil the reputation of by being associated with naked pictures of kids. Everyone wins. Society gets well-adjusted productive members of society and I get to be sane.

Except, is this really case? You would think that society would rally behind something with such great benefits, right? Sadly, politics is a huge part of anything to do with this, and more often than not, facts are optional.

At this point in the game, not only are the facilities to help support people woefully lacking, but governments have been carrying the flawed mindset that "this is a slippery slope which leads to children getting abused" when every law they pass actually achieves the opposite.

To really understand how this is so however, I am going to have to take you through a little story about myself and how I came to get to the point I'm at now.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I never really thought about sex, it was just something which never really crossed my mind. Other kids would mention a thing or two from time to time, but I would be content to leave that be.

That did end up changing, but not in the ways one might expect, I grew more and more curious towards kids who were far under my age, but were all but present. I would sometimes look at fully clothed images on the internet with a weird feeling.

And one day, I saw perhaps one of the youngest people there who looked a fair bit younger than they actually were, although still a fair bit younger than me who I found extremely cute unlike all of the so called "attractive girls" who the other teenagers would always talk about.

She was far, far less developed than them and that was very enticing.

I very awkwardly tried to make friends with her, and while it very slightly worked, my social awkwardness was off the charts and making it difficult to get much further and eventually it crashed and burned like many unrequited loves too.

During this process, I had a slight feeling that something was wrong, especially with the low age involved, but no one seemed to notice a thing as we were all well within the legal boundaries.

Those were the first encounters with this unique sexuality, although certainly not the last.

At some point, I'm not even sure exactly, , but I drifted away from looking at clothed images of real girls and started looking at random anime (cartoons of sorts which are produced in Japan) ones as I found them particularly cute.

I flicked through lots of them, being pulled more and more towards the young ones who I adored and contained the qualities I loved. I even childishly wanted to leave this world behind entirely.

This continued for a number of years, even past school, although I became more and more conscious of cute school kids roaming by. I didn't have any particularly bad intentions for them, but I did find myself looking whenever they happened to be nearby.

I gradually became more and more disillusioned with reality, especially with this taboo attraction which society all but called the devil and eventually all alone in the depths of depression and repressed self-loathing and after the deaths of several loved ones, I decided to deal with it once and for all.

Through a great deal of research, I discovered that sexual desire had a connection to several hormones within the body, so I thought that if I get rid of those, then I can become normal, right? It's not like these desires are good for anything, right?

Unfortunately, the methods to deal with this involved prescription drugs and getting a hold of them would require going through the right medical channels, but I didn't let this stop me.

I knew that if I let the information about me loose to those professional, then I might well be locked up for the rest of my days in some sort of mental hospital, unable to die. This is how deep the stigma regarding this condition runs, even what may be perfectly reasonable professionals in other times will go crazy at the thought, and I could not take this risk.

I managed to get the pills through sketchy yet perfectly legal channels and began to rid myself of this condition, discarding my former self and being reborn as a normal productive member of society... Except, this did not work, even slightly.

It is true that it somewhat reduced my sex drive, but the romantic attractions, protective instincts for them, etc. simply refused to disappear, so I channeled all my willpower to suppress those and tried to seek relationships with normal adults like any other human being.

As the chief symbol of my depravity, I also cut myself off from all cartoon porn and strived to maintain a porn free life as regular porn could do nothing but conjure up feelings of revulsion in me, as part of this, I slowly brainwashed myself into thinking that all sexual thoughts are evil and clamped down on them viciously.

This too failed as my distorted mental state and already irregular sexuality made it impossible to really get anywhere further than permanent friend zone. They eventually left and looked at me with disgust, or so the distorted feelings said.

As the hormones vanished, my body grew weaker and weaker to the point I would easily run out of breath even for short walks, my bones grew rickety, and I found myself staring listlessly at the wall for many hours at a time, my mind an empty void and occasionally thinking about throwing myself off the tallest building and researching the best way of committing suicide.

I also began to hear faint voices which weren't really there whispering and sometimes saying my name, calling for me and I grew steadily more paranoid about people watching me from outside the window or from behind me, even though there was no one there.

I drifted further and further from the world, continuing the courses of pills like a mindless zombie, and when I was out and about, I felt as if everyone around me was looking at me with the utmost disgust. I even ate a bit of bleach, while thinking about just ending it.

At some point, the pills ran out and I couldn't muster up the will to get more of them at that point, so I continued my suppression exercises and my mindset bit by bit still remained in a weird way, almost like that of an alien and yet I pressed forward convinced by that letting my repressed self out would be a terrible idea.

Eventually, a few more friends abandoned me due to my distorted mind, I pleaded with them to stay, but they took the rational choice. I can hardly fault them for that.

Completely distraught and unable to muster up the energy to continue, I ended up looking at the cartoon porn again and bit by bit reconnected with various people and continued trotting along until I learned that several people near me were arrested for doing the same thing and had their lives destroyed for it.

I freaked out and started looking into various laws and regulations and drifted towards the forums of the various sites which produced my favorite content. I pored over each page and even noticed a few people who were somewhat like me there, and even more surprisingly, they didn't seem to be the evil sadistic monsters which society taught me they were.

I ended up talking to them in a slightly liberating experience and learned a number of things. I also branched out into various other communities.

One of the things I learned is that looking at child abuse images is more of an addiction than being a complete sadistic monster, and that safer content is extremely scarce with people having to dig deeper and deeper into the darkness to find more of what they need.

According to them, it can allow one to vent more effectively than anything else, in practice, a lot of the content is so horrible that it ends up driving you to near suicide.

They also commented that it would have been impossible to escape from that content, if not for the fact that they had an alternate outlet to switch to. This reaffirmed my beliefs that an outlet is vital for dealing with your natural urges and to stay away from that horrible yet addictive content.

Fate tends to make fools of us all, however as while browsing, I stumbled upon a couple of blurry images. I looked in closer and each one was a naked child standing on her own completely naked, I was really surprised that something like this could actually exist on the surface web.

It had a stronger sexual attraction than usual and as I had never seen a naked child (of the right sex) before, I looked curiously at their body structure. Shortly after, I dragged myself away from those images, deciding to stay away from them and just focus on cartoon porn instead.

Several weeks later, I stumbled upon an article about the ban in Japan and discovered that those images in particular were commercially produced thirty years ago back when when it was legal, which made sense considering that the quality of the images was fairly poor by today's standards.

After all these events, I sat down and thought about the poor state of information regarding us.

For instance, there is a misconception that mere thoughts lead to cartoon porn which lead to real porn which lead to rape. Or the very common assumption that we are all crazy rapists by default,  I used to think that too after hearing it so many times.

In truth, I have yet to see anyone who has actually abused someone, they seem vanishingly rare and I'm happy for it as-well as I would be very uncomfortable to be in the same space as someone who abused someone against their will.

This led me to think of ways to try to get information out to people that a lot of things have been massively misunderstood and I decided to write a short post. It won't quite be the most effective thing in the world, but every little bit helps in the grand scheme of things.

In the end, even though I am attracted to them and can fantasize about doing all manner of erotic things with them, I wouldn't actually be able to force them to do things against their will, even thinking of it would weigh too heavily on my conscience.

I don't know what you will make of this post, but I hope it's of use to at-least someone.

[akar0ku]

Right now I’m working on a 100 theme challenge and a 30 kink meme, both for Radiata Stories. The first one I’m trying to get a variety of stuff and am trying to stock pile about 25 fics at a time before posting them over a 25 day period. The kink meme is just for fun and to give me a break since I’m not taking it to seriously. It’s also 100% self serving sooooo I’m just gonna dump a bunch of smut for my favorite character everywhere. If you haven’t guessed this is a part of the kink meme.

p.s. I’m seeing if I like posting the whole story to tumblr better than just sharing the AO3 link. Here’s the AO3 version if that’s easier.

Prompt 1: Cuddling

Summery: Jarvis and Jack find navigating the aftermath of a hook up to be both awkward and a little more guilt ridden then they thought.

Warning: Implied underaged sex, also I did a poor job following the prompt. Cuddling is literally the only one I had a hard time making a plot for, go figure.

Now he’d really done it. Of all the stupid things he had done in his life, in all the ways he had inadvertently fucked himself over, this really took the cake.

“You gonna be okay there?”

No, he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out of this one. As soon as tomorrow hit, everyone would know. The kid would realize how messed up this was and tell everyone they worked with. Hell he’d probably go running to the castle guards over what happened.

“Um, Sarge?”

His life was over now. They’d throw him in the dungeons and leave him there to rot for eternity. He’d forever be known to the world as a degenerate and a pervert. People would tell stories of him to their young ones, of how his wandering soul would abduct them into the night if they didn’t behave.

“So like, is the massive panic attack a common thing for old people after getting laid or is this just a you thing?”

“Aw, can it will you! You have no idea what kind of a predicament this puts me in!” Jarvis hissed as he rolled over to face his bed mate. A huge mistake when he was met with the sight of a young lean naked boy; laying on his side and propping his head up on an open palm, the blanket barely draped across his waist, and large innocent brown eyes staring at him like he was a chore...well the boy wasn’t so innocent anymore, no thanks to him.

“Right, should have guessed it was a you thing. What’s the problem? You seemed into this a few hours ago.”

“How do you NOT see the problem?! I’m twice your age. I just deflowered a damn child.”

“Last I checked I was legally an adult. Also don’t say deflower, I’m not some virgin maiden from a story book.” Jack argued, pouting in response to the older man’s choice of words.

“Well you certainly weren’t experienced by any means.” Jarvis couldn’t help scoffing. He took a small amount of satisfaction in how Jack’s face practically glowed red in the dim light.

“Still doesn’t change that I’m an adult…”

“Hardly!”

“Hey I’m trying to help you feel better!”

“Fine! So maybe I’m not going to jail but people are still going to give me dirty looks. Plus I’ll lose my job now. You’re still my subordinate remember.”

“You’re saying that like we have to tell everyone.” It was probably the most observant thing Jack had said since they met. The thought honestly hadn’t even occurred to him.

“You’re not going to tell anyone or make some story about how I forced you into this?”

“No, why would I want to? Even if I did, who would ever believe that you could MAKE me do anything.” The look on Jack’s face was a mixture of confused, annoyed, and blissfully ignorant. The kid had no clue how precarious the situation was or how easily he could screw him over. Though despite their bickering, Jack had never proven to be the malicious type, not to his coworkers at the very least.

“Don’t paint your flagrant disobedience as a positive quality.” Jarvis huffed. Contrary to the scolding nature of his words he was very clearly relieved.

“Whatever, so what do we do now?”

That was a good question. Typically the people Jarvis brought home left not long after the fact, or if they did end up staying he had no perception of it, usually winding up passed out and waking up long after they had gone. He realized with some degree of embarrassment that this is the first sober hook up he’s had in a long time. Digressing, the sun wasn’t fully set yet so it was kind of early for them to go to sleep. Kicking the kid out seemed a bit crass and cold hearted though.

“Dunno, what do you wanna do?” He supposed he’d just roll with whatever the kid wanted. A part of him wanted Jack to stay...but the thought of vocalizing that felt awkward and needy.

He watched as Jack averted his gaze and stared upwards towards the head of the bed. The look of uncertainty was alien on his usually confident face but clearly showed that the boy did indeed have an idea of what he wanted but was struggling to spit it out. Eventually the boy moved to crawl across the short space separating them. He nuzzled his face into the older man’s bare chest, wrapping one arm around his torso and struggling for a moment to find a place for the other before settling on leaving it awkwardly curled between them.

Despite being well toned, the boy’s body felt oddly small and out of place against him. It’s not the filled out body of a fully grown man yet but he can't really compare it to the feeling of a woman either. His stomach churns when he remembers it's the build of a child, just entering into the realm of adulthood. He knows Jack is of age and is certain he won’t say anything, but he wonders if his conscience can handle keeping this between them. He hasn’t always made the best choices in life, but he wanted to believe he wasn’t so unscrupulous.

“Please stop it with the moral crisis. It’s making you tense up and I’m never going to get to sleep with you making things so heavy.”

...On second thought, why exactly was he feeling so bad about what he’d done to this brat? Whatever, if the kid was going to act so cocky and like he was doing him a favor by staying then he was going to reap what he wanted from this while he could.

He grabs a hold of Jack and rolls onto his back, bringing the younger man with him so he's laying against his chest and straddling his waist. The indignant yelp from the brunette is worth a good laugh and for the moment he’s almost completely forgotten about the guilt he had been struggling with moments ago.

“What? You ready for round two already?” Jack's tone is intended to be snarky but the red flush across his face and the slight waver in his voice clearly betrayed the mix of excitement and nerves he was trying to cover up.

“Tsk, I wish.” As if to mock him, his still overly sensitive cock gives a sad and painful twitch. “I’m not young enough to go at it so soon. You’re just going to have to settle with cuddling.”

“Didn’t think you were such a cuddle bug, Sarge.”

Jarvis knows his face is burning red at the accusation and he covers it with his free hand to hide the fact from the snickering teen. It doesn’t help either that the brat keeps referring to him in that casual honorific.

“Yeah, well I never knew you were such a pervert.” He says to draw attention to the the obvious erection he can feel twitching against his stomach. Wait the kid was seriously ready to go another round? Jeez, if only he were about a decade younger.

Jack’s laughter stops rather abruptly and when Jarvis pulls his hand away to look, he sees Jack’s face burning equally as hot. The flush is clearly not from embarrassment though, he can recognize the look Jack makes when he’s thinking hard on something from a mile away.

“You know…” Jack starts, pushing himself up with his hands against Jarvis’ chest and smirking down at him in a way that Jarvis can only guess is intended to be sultry. “I could always...I dunno, be the one...to...” Jack doesn’t need to finish the sentence for Jarvis to catch on to what he’s trying to ask. The rapid shift from cheeky confidence, to apprehension, and finally sheepish uncertainty makes it even clearer. Jarvis can’t help the patronizing smirk pulling at his lips or the laughter bubbling up from his chest.

“Hey! Stop laughing.”

Jarvis’ barely contained snorts escalated into full on laughter the moment he’s been called out. A part of him feels bad, the boy’s face is so red, he’s surprised his head hasn’t blown up and he could already feel the new erection wilting fast against his stomach. He really shouldn’t be laughing at the fumbling of a sexually awakened teen...but it was just too funny.

Now rife with embarrassment, Jack sunk back down until he was laying flat again. He glared off to the side, a pout on his face and his chin resting against the other man’s still heaving chest. The first thought that came to Jarvis’ mind was that of angered puppy that just had its ball taken away. He had to admit, it was kinda cute and fitting to the boys temperament.

“Nice try,” he ruffled the teens hair with a bit more force than was necessary, earning a disgruntled groan. “But no.”

Jarvis didn’t pay much mind to the younger's continued pouting and settled back into the mattress, keeping one arm firmly wrapped around Jack’s waist while throwing the other up over his head. He busies himself with tracing formless shapes into the younger's back, finding it oddly hypnotic to the point that he’s starting to doze off.

Jack must have found something soothing in the action as well, eventually easing out of whatever indignation he was feeling. He shifting so his cheek was pressed against Jarvis’ collarbone and hooked his arms underneath his shoulders.

Jarvis closed his eyes and savored the intimacy as he started to drift off.

“Hey…” Jack’s voice brought him back from the edges of sleep, making him hum in mild annoyance. “You’re not uncomfortable like this?” He shook his head ‘no’ in reply. If he were honest, he kinda liked the reassuring pressure of another person's weight pressing into him.

“Kay…” A long pause stretched on before Jack admitted with a slightly nervous chuckle. “This is kinda nice, actually.”

Jarvis snorted in amusement. He brought his free hand back down and affectionately combed his fingers thought messy brown hair. The action seemed to elicit a different response then expected though, bringing a sad sigh from Jack’s lungs.

“You still regret doing this?” Now that was a question that had some weight to it. Enough to fully jar the older of the two out of the half asleep state he was in. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to figure out exactly what to say. Here he had been feeling sorry for himself and worrying about the repercussions of his actions, he hadn’t really thought of how Jack could interpret that on his end. It hadn’t occurred to him that maybe Jack was looking for him to show some sign that this was something he had wanted as well.

Did he really regret what he had done? He thinks back on all the times he had caught himself staring for a little too long. The occasions where he felt confusingly overjoyed and shamefully embarrassed to the point of anger when the young corporal would occasionally drag him home when he’d had a few too many. All the moments he’s denied that maybe he felt something a little more than just distaste or at the very least amicable annoyance towards Jack. He’s pretty sure there’s substantial enough evidence to prove he’d do it again if presented with the situation all over. Maybe it’s about time he actually started looking into the nature of whatever attachment he’s been feeling lately. At the very least he needs to admit he’s physically attracted.

“I just feel bad I was your first. You honestly could have done better.” It’s not until he speaks it that it fully dawns on him what had make him so upset earlier. He’s sure if Jack had been more promiscuous by this point he may not feel as torn about the situation.

“Is that really it?” Jack looks both relieved and incredulous. “I already told you, I can make my own choices. So stop feeling bad.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jarvis chided, not fully convinced that Jack wouldn’t change his opinion sometime down the line. “I suppose there’s nothing to be done about it now. Just do me a favor and remember how adamant you were about making your own choices before you decide to report me down the line okay.”

“Stop saying that!” Jack pushes himself back up again, this time glaring down at Jarvis with that angry puppy expression again. Again Jarvis feels laughter bubbling up from deep in his chest. God, when did he have such a soft spot for the kid. Must be some post sex magic heightening the already dubious attraction he’s been harboring.

“Just get back down here and shut up already. You're so needy.” He doesn’t really want to get too involved in the topic at the moment. He’s tired and all he really wants is to bask in the warmth of post-coital intimacy before he winds up falling too far into a guilt trip again.

“How is that being needy? Plus you're the one smothering me right now!” Jack fought against the arms pressing down into his back, but the effort was fruitless as he was simply squashed down into the other man’s chest. The only thing Jack could do at that point was glare and stick his tongue out, an action reciprocated by the second of the pair.

“See, now who’s acting like a kid.” Jack mumbled, almost getting cut off with a stifled yawn.

Jarvis doesn’t even bother with a rebuttal, instead running a hand through Jack’s messy hair, down the length of his back, and repeating the process as if the boy were little more than a tired pet. He watched as Jack struggled to keep his eyes open before eventually succumbing to his fatigue and finally drifting off.

It’s a sweet sight. One that does little to assuage the guilt that’s fighting to rear its head again. He tries with all his might to swallow it back down and has some success. But he can’t get over the fact that this was the boy’s first experience. He’d forever look back on this and even though he’s okay now, there’s little doubt Jack would eventually regret it. There’s nothing special to be had here, just a casual hook up and nothing more. Regardless of what happens further down the line, this instance was driven by little more than lust.

“Too tight.” He hears Jack mumble in his sleep and he realizes he’s stopped petting the sleeping brunette and has been clutching him to his body far too tightly to be comfortable. He eases up on the pressure but doesn’t release his hold. Again he focused on the pleasant feeling of being intimately close with someone, on how warm Jack’s body is, the gentle pressure of his chest expanding as he breathed, the tickle of unruly hair against his neck and face.

It seems to work for the time being. At least well enough that he can start feeling the fog of drowsiness overtaking him again. He supposes he’ll worry about it tomorrow instead, there’s not much he can really do about it now anyway.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Remarks: ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU. What would the story have been like if Ozpin was reincarnated as a 14-year-old boy but was still his own character?

greenfablesinverness replied to your post “AU Where Oscar only went to Mistral cause his uncle Ozpin had written...”

That “Ozpin was originally a de-aged Oscar” actually makes a lot of sense looking back at the beginning of the series. I think this was the original idea, but after Monty died Miles and Kerry felt too uncomfortable since BAM, this is Ruby’s love interest, and it might come off as creepy, so Oscar became a totally knew character entirely.

Squiggles Answers:

Hmm, makes sense. However even if that were true and the original story was for Ozpin to be reincarnated as a teenager after death without Oscar as part of his story, I don’t think the original intention by the CRWBY Writers and the show creator would’ve been to make Ozpin Ruby’s potential love interest. If anything, it makes more sense if the intention was to have Ozpin still be his own character after rebirth and have Ruby gain her love interest as a new character with or without it tying into Ozpin’s story.

As a matter of fact, y’know what? They could have easily done both. Did you know that the CRWBY Writers could have still given us the same Ozpin-reincarnation storyline being intertwined with Oscar’s without having to make them share a body? Let me explain how.

Oz the Kid

Just have Ozpin reincarnate as a young 13-14 year old boy with amnesia to be found in Mistral on the outskirts of the Pine Family farm where he’s discovered by a young Oscar Pine.

Instead of Oscar being inspired by Dorothy Hale from the Wizard of Oz, imagine if… our veteran farm boy was based off of the woodsman who saved Red Riding Hood from the Big Bad Wolf. That could’ve been a nice way to tie Oscar to Ruby’s character which could’ve additionally been used to foreshadow their potential relationship.

Instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s newest form and successor, he could’ve been the old wizard’s young protector. Just as how the woodsman saved Little Red Riding Hood, Oscar could’ve saved a reincarnated young Ozpin and that’s how the two could’ve met. Humour me to rewrite Oscar and Ozpin’s story a wee bit.

Imagine an AU where instead Ozpin’s curse was that he returns as a teenaged boy with no memory of his past self and it was the purpose of the members of his Inner Circle to find and train him back to his former self. This would explain why Qrow had Ozpin’s cane. He was the scout. The proverbial eyes in the sky whose primary responsibility was to search and find the missing Ozpin in the event of reincarnation.

Speaking of Qrow Branwen, what I found odd about V5 is that in the scene where Oscar meets RNJR for the first time after helping a happily drunk Qrow back to their residence in Mistral, Qrow kept muttering that he found Ozpin. As if he had been searching for him since his death. While this provided us with a comical scene and cute introduction into the group finally meeting Oscar, in the context of continuity from V4, it doesn’t really add up.

Back in V4, Qrow was never actually shown searching for Ozpin. He’d been following RNJR since the end of V3. If Qrow had been looking for Oz the entire time during his side of the story for V4 but then later deviates from his duty to Oz after learning that RNJR was being hunted by Tyrian Callows; then that would have made more sense. Not to mention that it would have tied into the joke in V5 a lot cleaner, right?

I know it’s meant to be one of those gags where a character claims to have fulfilled a task that the audience knew they never accomplished. Y’know like that ‘My job here is done’ meme with Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

Nonetheless, that was one nit-pick for me with the writing for V5 because it’s a joke played for laughs that can just as easily double as a small  plot hole. But then again, this is just me.

Back to my AU: in this version of the story, let’s say Oscar is 16-years-old instead of the titular 14. Still young but this time he’s the exact same age as Ruby instead of the two being two years ago---thus killing any potential arguments surrounding the two year age difference.

Oscar’s original background story could still be kept. I do like the concept of Oscar Pine being a 16-year-old farm bred boy who lived in the nowhere of Anima on the outskirts of the Kingdom of Mistral alone with his aunt on their family farm. In my version of the story, Oscar actually has ties to huntsman that he’s fully aware of. His parents were huntsman who once fought bravely for their kingdom but died in the line of duty years prior to the story. This left a young Oscar in the care of his widowed aunt who raised him for another half of his life and who he came to love like a second mother. 

In this AU, Oscar was originally meant to go off to Haven Academy. He had even already excelled at combat school and had passed the entrance exam qualifying him as a student. His aunt was very proud of him when she heard the news as much as he was. Oscar had always wanted to be a huntsman following in his parents’ footsteps to become a hero. However a week before Oscar was meant to depart for Mistral, his aunt suddenly fell very ill. 

Though the neighbourhood doctors did their best to help, in the end, Oscar’s aunt was diagnosed with an illness that rendered her bedridden and too weak to take care of herself. Since she had no one else to look after her, Oscar decided to abandon Haven. 

Though it would mean giving up on his dream, it was a sacrifice the young lad was willing to make for the woman who loved him like he was her own son. Oscar felt morally obligated to look after his aunt even if it meant living the rest of his life taking care of her if he needed too.

Though his aunt was content on having him care for her over a random stranger, that didn’t stop her from feeling remorseful over forcing her own nephew to abandon his own life for hers and the guilt hindered her more than her disease did.

But no matter how many times his aunt used to incline that Oscar move on with his life and not worry about her, the boy would stubbornly ignore her wishes and chose to stay by her side. She needed him and in that moment, Oscar needed to care for her.

Even if it meant spending the rest of his life as a farmhand in Mistral, it was a choice Oscar would willing make for his family because at the end of the day, she was all he had and that was all that mattered to him.

But Oscar’s quite life took another sharp change when, one day, while tending to the farm like he usually did on mornings, he heard a sudden strange noise come from the woods outside the farm. Thinking it might be another one of those occasional small Grimm that liked to wander onto his family property from time to time, Oscar quickly grabbed the axe he had planned on using to chop some wood for his aunt and ran straight towards the outskirts in the direction of the noise.

To Oscar’s surprise, his discovery was not what he was expecting. Wondering the woods alone outside the farm was a young boy. His hair was as silver as starlight and to make the situation more awkward, the boy was also found naked as he was born. The lad couldn’t have been older than fourteen years old though he was rather small and lanky for his age. The minute Oscar called out to the kid; he suddenly keeled over and fainted into Oscar’s arms.

This boy is in fact the reborn Professor Ozpin back as a young boy. However if the story was to be played out like an episode then it would have ended on a cliff-hanger with the audience not knowing the true identity of this young boy who happened to cross Oscar’s path.

The next time the story picks back up, Oscar is forced to care for this young stranger who doesn’t have any recollection of who he is and where he came from.

When Oscar probed the young child with the obvious questions---Where did he come from? How did he end up near his farm? What’s his name?

The only thing Ozpin could tell Oscar, at least the part that made sense to the young farm boy, is that he is Ozpin. Anything else and he would get this pained look on his face as if trying to remember something important. After staying a couple of days on the Pine Family’s farm, young Ozpin eventually regains some of his memories and is able to tell Oscar that he needs to go to Mistral; saying that he has a ‘friend’ over there who could help him.

But his memories come in spasms. One minute he’s an inkling of his old self, remembering important details that he’s able to relate to Oscar. Of course none of it makes sense to Oscar but at least Ozpin is able to tell him. However when Oscar would ask Ozpin to make sense of everything he told him, he would then revert back to the other side. The side of him that was basically a helpless young boy, lost and confused.

Oscar tries to convince Ozpin to stay with him and his aunt on the farm until they could figure out a way to help him get back to where he came from. However, when he’s lucid, Ozpin kept insisting that he needed to leave for to Mistral immediately.

In my AU, Ozpin’s reincarnation suffered some complications.

Let’s say…each time Ozpin reincarnates, in order for the process to work successfully; meaning for him to come back younger but with all of his memories intact, it requires a lot of magic.

Let’s say, Ozpin depleted a lot of his magic during his last stand against Fall Maiden Cinder. As a result, this fight left him with less magic than he needed to reincarnate successfully. So his rebirth was botched.

Despite successfully returning in his adolescent form, his mind and memories became as shattered as a jigsaw puzzle.

Imagine…the Professor Ozpin we all know only with the short term memory akin to Dory from Finding Nemo. Rather than being whole, this new Ozpin is almost like two minds in one. One mind is Ozpin himself---he knows who he is and is quite coherent enough to recount his countless eons of memories.

But on the other mind, he is just a helpless little boy, frightened, confused 200% of the time and needing someone to care for him while also recounting whatever actions his ‘other self’ does---the total opposite of the man we all know Ozpin to be.

And to make matters worse, it doesn’t help that this new younger Ozpin often slips in and out of both personalities. One minute he could be recounting important info that could be helpful to the given scenario and the next minute, he’s like a naive toddler unable to remember anything.

Ozpin has always been portrayed as the man with all the answers. So can you imagine how daunting it would be especially for all the characters who believe in his wisdom like Qrow if the man with all the answers returned as a crippled version of himself unable to help anyone because his mind is too fragmented from his failed rebirth process?

I like this idea because it gives a new perspective of Ozpin while also presenting a new purpose to Oscar Pine.

Y’see in this version of the story, instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s successor and the two being forced to share a body; Oscar would unintentionally be drafted in as a member of Ozpin’s Inner Circle tasked with protecting him during times of reincarnation. Oscar essentially becomes Ozpin’s guardian---his protector as the two journey toward Mistral to rendezvous with one of Ozpin’s allies.

And this time, when Oscar leaves home to go with Ozpin to Mistral where he would also start being trained to become a huntsmen, it’s his choice and something he wanted to do from the start before he met Ozpin.  

If the CRWBY Writers wanted a way to reincarnate Ozpin, have him come back young while still making Oscar his own person, they could have done it like that. But for now, I guess it’ll make for a pretty cool AU.

 As to why Ozpin would reincarnate in Mistral near Oscar’s home of all places, lemme hit you with a solid explanation using some canon evidence. Remember the World of Remnant episode on the Four Maidens? Remember the old wizard who lived like a hermit in the middle of the nowhere?

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

That’s sounds like a cool way to tie Oscar to one of Ozpin’s previous lives and it can even work in the canon AU. But for now, let’s leave it like a cool idea.

The Wizard and the Farm Boy

Imagine…in this AU of mine, Ozpin living with Oscar and Auntie Pine for a short time---probably a couple of weeks giving him enough time to regain some of his more important memories while growing close to the Mistralian farm folk a lot better.

Imagine if…during this time, Ozpin shared a small private talk with Auntie Pine. Going to sound heart-wrenching but the concept I had is that in this AU, Ozpin met Oscar around the time his sick aunt was on her last days.

In her final moment, while Oscar was outside tending to the farm as always, Auntie Pine called Ozpin to her bedside and asked him for a small favour to an elderly woman. At that time he was himself and not his other ‘child-like’ persona who had been christened ‘Ozzy’ by Oscar; just so that he could tell the two minds apart. Auntie Pine beckoned Ozpin to help her write a letter. A letter that she wanted him to give to Oscar.

While Ozpin is helping Auntie Pine, at some point, she turns weakly to the old wizard and lets the truth slip to him about her little condition. I imagined their conversation would go something like this:

Auntie Pine: …I’m sure you’ve noticed but I’m not a well woman. In fact, I’m dying. Have been for some time now and that’s the cold, hard truth, plain as day. And…I don’t think I have much time left.

Ozpin: …I’m…sorry. I---Does Oscar…

Auntie Pine: ---No. I’ve been…trying to think of a more…delicate way to break the news to him for months. It’s hard…not to mention exhausting trying to tell the truth to someone who only wants to hear the good version of the truth all the time. He…used to listen to me y’know. But ever since I got sick, I feel like he listens more to my illness than me. Sounds crazy, right? He’s always been the stubborn type. Just like his father. But he’s got a big heart. He’s…a good boy and he’s…going to make an amazing huntsman one day. Probably one of the best this world has ever seen. But he can’t do that so long as I’m here…holding him back. And I’m ready to go. Heavens, I’ve been preparing to go for a very long time. But I’m worried…no…I’m afraid that if I go now, it might…break him. And I don’t want him to break. I saved him from that the first time after his parents died so…the last thing I want is to be the one responsible for him falling apart…

Ozpin: …Ms Pine…

Auntie Pine: ---Call me Emma, please. You don’t have to be so formal.

Ozpin: …Emma, you should…talk to Oscar.

Auntie Pine: …I told you. He won’t listen to me. But he will listen… to you. I know he’ll listen to you. I’ve heard your talks when Oscar thinks I’m just sleeping. *chuckles* For some strange reason, even with all your crazy talk about magic…and maidens…and people coming back to life and going to the city…he listens to you. Ozpin, I know we haven’t known each other for that long…and I know I have no business asking any personal favours of you. But…you seem like a real level headed young man or…old man, whichever one you prefer. Can you aid an old woman with her final request? Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t let my Oscar fall apart. It’s a lot to ask of a stranger but I like to believe you ended up here with us for a reason…a good reason. One that could change Oscar’s life for the better and give him more than I ever could. So please…I…beg you…please…promise me…

Ozpin: …I…have made more mistakes than any man, woman and child on this planet. I’ve made many promises that I have failed countless of times to uphold. However, in all my lifetimes, this is one promise I swear I’ll do my hardest to keep.

Auntie Pine: *smiling weakly* …You’re a good person Ozpin. I don’t know…what kind of skeletons you have in your closet. But I’ve always prided myself on being a good judge of character. Only a good person would make a promise to a dying woman and shed tears real enough to prove that he’s at least going to try to keep that promise so…thank you…

At this point, Auntie Pine extends a frail finger to touch Ozpin’s cheek as a single tear trailed down his cheek. Ozpin is stunned; not just by the old woman’s gesture but by his own reaction to his emotions. So instead, all he could muster is a silent nod all the while Auntie Pine is beaming at him through a pale face of smiles. Auntie Pine: Tell me…Ozpin…you’ve died before right? Does it…does it get any better…in the afterlife?

Ozpin: …I…I wouldn’t know…but for your sake, I truly hope it does.

Once again, Auntie Pine flashes Ozpin a fragile but contented smile and the old wizard felt his shoulders quake as he finally gave into his own tears.

Auntie Pine: …I think…I think I’m ready to see Oscar now…Can you…can you call him…for me please?

So Auntie Pine passes away after giving her final goodbyes to her beloved nephew. The death, of course, did exactly what Auntie Pine warned Ozpin would happen. It broke Oscar; to the point that he fell into a state of depression. As Oscar once disclosed to Ozpin during his stay, he had no other family. A lot of his past neighbours were either elderly folk who passed away or families who uprooted and moved to the main city. Oscar and his aunt were the only two left from the old neighbourhood. So when it came time for Oscar to bury his aunt, it was to an audience of only Ozpin.

Everyone else was gone. He had no one and for the first time since his parents’ departure, Oscar felt more alone than he ever did in his entire life and the feeling of loneliness devastated him more than the grief.  

At this point, Ozpin had stayed in the Pine residence for a little over two months and he was beginning to turn anxious. He had hoped Qrow would’ve found him by then. However since he didn’t, the old wizard figured something grim must’ve befallen the Branwen man (let’s say this was around the time Qrow had discovered Tyrian Callows was hunting RNJR and had diverted from his search for Oz in order to protect his family and her friends; leading to Qrow getting poisoned and…y’know the rest). This increased Ozpin’s urgency to get to the main kingdom.

Since Qrow hadn’t found him as originally planned, Ozpin had no choice but to journey to Mistral on his own. At least by then, he could rendezvous with the sole Mistral representative in his Inner Circle: Leonardo Lionheart and the two could’ve figured out a way to get in contact with Qrow.

Unfortunately, Ozpin had a problem. Two problems in fact. One, he needed someone to be his guide. Because of his botched rebirth, his memories of how to traverse Mistral were not the best. Not to mention that he wasn’t quite familiar with Oscar’s side of Anima. In this AU, let’s say getting to the train station shown in V4 was a much more perilous trip than what we got for the main series canon.

His only hope was gaining Oscar’s aid in journeying to the nearest train station that would then take them to the Kingdom. This led him to his second problem. Ozpin…did not want to leave Oscar by himself. He couldn’t. Not after the young boy and his family had taken him in the way they did and especially not after what he promised Auntie Pine.

It was then Ozpin made a decision. He was going to take Oscar to Mistral with him. Kill two birds with one stone. That way, Oscar could help him get to the city and Ozpin can keep a watchful eye over the young farm boy. Sounds simple, right?

The only problem was…Oscar refused to go. He just…wanted to remain on the land where his family was buried. Maybe become a hermit left alone to his grievances. It was then when Ozpin saw a connection between himself and Oscar

He was once this same way.

Remember when I said in this AU, Ozpin respawned near the Pine Family Farm because coincidentally the property was the same soil he once lived on alone as a hermit before he met the Maidens?

I like story ideas that in hindsight add up perfectly together. So perhaps this is a nice way to highlight a connection between Oscar and Ozpin for this AU.

I like this idea because I can imagine Ozpin hitting Oscar with the trademark RWBY questions: ‘What’s your favourite fairy tale?’ before telling him the famous The Four Maidens fairy-tale we know of. The twist is that Ozpin would reveal to Oscar that, of course, the fairy tale is true; explaining that the old wizard from the story was him in a past life. Ozpin would admit to Oscar that once upon a time, he too shared his same sentiments of wanting to live alone and isolated from the outside world; believing that a life of solitude was the only purpose left for existence after losing everything he loved.

But it was the kindness of four strangers that ultimately reminded Ozpin of how much more beauty and wonder existed beyond his walls. How his life wasn’t over yet. That he still had a second chance to start anew. Ozpin told Oscar this story in hopes that it would stir him to his senses. Convince him to be his companion on his quest.

It did not unfortunately. Despite his pleas, Oscar still stubbornly refused. This left Ozpin with no choice.

Not wanting to force Oscar to come with him especially in his time of grief, Ozpin solemnly decides to leave him behind and venture on his own. Before leaving, Ozpin gives Oscar the letter Auntie Pine had made him record her final words to Oscar. Of course, Oscar is still acting stubborn and doesn’t even want to read the letter. At this point, Ozpin is out of options and out of time. So he leaves Oscar and begins his own journey.

But as I mentioned earlier, in this AU, Ozpin isn’t familiar with traversing Oscar’s neck of Anima. So even though he left the Pine farm days ago, he eventually got himself lost and ended up wandering aimlessly through the woods for some time. This also led to Ozpin running into the local Grimm inhabiting the area which was a pack of hungry Beowolves. Though Ozpin did his best to combat the ferocious creatures, the old wizard’s luck unfortunately ran out when he reverted to Ozzy in the heat of danger, rendering himself incapable of defend himself further.

To make a long story short, Ozzy is soon rescued by Oscar, much to the child’s surprise. The young farm boy came to Ozzy’s aid wielding a weaponized battle axe which doubled as a Brunswick rifle. I like that as Oscar’s signature weapon in this AU since I talked about it before. Fusing the weapon with fire dust, Oscar torched any oncoming Beowolves attempting to harm Ozzy while sending the others fleeing in a blazing trail of panic.

To make it funny, Ozzy questions Oscar on how he knew where to find him after leaving days ago only for Oscar to respond that since he grew up in the area for most of his life, he knew the woods like the back of his hand so finding Ozpin wasn’t a problem especially since the old wizard had gotten himself lost and had actually been walking in circles for the past few days, much to Ozzy’s embarrassment.

Ozzy then questions Oscar of what made him change his mind about finding him. That’s when Oscar shows Ozpin the letter his aunt had left for him. The teenager apologizes to the old wizard for his behaviour before announcing that he had made up his mind to help him get to Mistral. His Pine pride wouldn’t allow him to allow such a, quote, ‘helpless child’ to wander the dangerous woods all alone even if said child is also a reincarnated 1000+ year old wizard. After all, it was the right thing to do and it’s what Oscar’s Aunt would have wanted him to do.

Despite the initial slip up, Ozpin was more than relieved to have Oscar accompany him. So with that, the two set off towards Mistral together.

 In this AU, part of the story is dedicated to Oscar and Ozpin going through their own journey towards Mistral just like Team RNJR. It isn’t just Ozpin spending time trying to convince Oscar to leave for Mistral before boarding the easy train.

One critique of V4 I’ve seen is the disappointment fans shared about Team RNJR having to make the long journey towards Mistral while all Oscar and Ozpin had to do was hop a train. Never mind that Oscar coincidentally lived within close proximity to a working train station that could instantaneously take him directly to the kingdom citadel.

And never mind that he also coincidentally got through with it despite having no money and needing Hazel Rainart to coincidentally show up at the same train station to help Oscar score a ticket. Yep, all one big coincidinks.

So since this is an AU I’m concocting here, I really like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar going through their own trials and perils on their separate journey to Mistral. They could still hop on a working train and still run into Hazel Rainart along the way for the final part of their Journey to Mistral. I mean RNJR took an airship at the end of their side of the journey which is the next best thing.

But like RNJR, it would’ve been cool to get some travels with Ozpin and Oscar: Fighting more Grimm, giving Oscar more opportunities to show off his capabilities as a huntsmen to protect Ozpin. In this AU, of course.

Not to mention that, since Ozpin wouldn’t have had his signature Oz-cane, I really dig the idea of Oz having to depend solely on utilizing what little magic he had to assist Oscar from time to time.

Referring to the main series now, we’ve never quite seen Ozpin actually perform magic in the canon, have we? We know he’s used his magic before but never actually seen him do it onscreen outside of RWBY Chibi

So imagine how cool it would have been to see a young Ozpin relearning to use his magical powers and this time, we actually get to see him cast spells or whatever the equivalent of performing magic in the RWBY-verse is like. 

I can picture Ozpin or Ozzy casting magic to help him and Oscar get out of tricky situations. Like for example: using magic to conjure up a shield of protection in order to save an overpowered Oscar from a charging Boarbatusk. Y’know like the one he summoned during his clash with Cinder Fall in V3.

Or perhaps using magic to ‘heal’ a serious wound on an injured Oscar by reversing time (like how Rapunzel healed Eugene in Tangled but without the glowing hair and song). Or maybe, just maybe, Ozpin using a wizard mind spell to manipulate someone into handing over a free boarding pass so that he and Oscar could take the train to the city. Those are three ideas.

It’s odd though. Despite Ozpin being confirmed as a legit wizard (a cursed wizard but one nonetheless) and in spite the confirmed existence of magic in Remnant by Ozpin himself, we’ve never actually seen Ozpin perform any feats of magic. Never mind that he used magic to create the Four Maidens and grant the Branwen Twins shapeshifting powers in his past life. Never mind that he did say his magic is finite and dwindling (whether that’s true or not). Still…he’s a wizard! Yes his magic is low but it could be cool to see him do something magical, even if it’s as small as a simple spell.

I don’t expect Ozpin to part the ocean or turn water into wine (although Qrow might enjoy that trick) but…still…it would be cool to see him perform a little something, something magical. Cause y’know…he’s a wizard! My hope is that Oscar is somehow capable of using magic for the main series canon so that we can possibly see some Ozpin magic tricks for V6. Hopefully.

 But for now, I’ll stick with my AU idea.

How would this AU handle the Oscar-Ozpin dynamic?

In this AU of mine, I like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar kinda joint adopting each other in a way. As Ozpin, he decides to take Oscar with him on his journey to Mistral, taking full heed of the promise he made to Auntie Pine that he would ensure the future that her nephew wanted---to become a huntsman; an objective that even Ozpin soon started to believe the boy was strongly capable of as he came to realize Oscar’s potential.

Oscar, in turn, comes to care for Ozpin’s well-being as well and even becomes like his own young protector or Guardian of some kind.

If Oscar was made to be Ozpin’s protector rather than his new vessel as an alternative, then I can definitely see the two sharing a big brother/little brother dynamic. I like the idea of Oscar and Ozpin both being big brothers/proxy dads to one another. One mind provides Oscar (and essentially all the young heroes) with the huntsman training and experience he’s always desired while at the same time, the two build a trusting mentor and apprentice relationship with each other that Ozpin only shares with the closest members of his Inner Circle (such as Glynda and Qrow).

And this dynamic is also transcended into the other side of their relationship where it’s the reverse and Oscar is Ozpin’s caretaker, using his training to protect him when he’s most vulnerable (as Ozzy) while establishing a bond where Oscar actually does look after Ozpin (as Ozzy) despite him being leagues older than him.  

I kind of picture Ozpin and Oscar’s connection in this AU of mine like Kara and Alice from Detroit Become Human.

Originally, both Oscar and Ozpin knew nothing about each other. Only met on coincidence. Yet in some twisted fate, their lives became intertwined and to each other, they suddenly became someone whose well-being they now valued as much as their own and wholeheartedly wanted to help. 

Like I’m imagining both Oz and Oscar both justifying their commitment to helping each other during private talks with Ruby and Qrow. Ozpin is of course talking to Qrow while Oscar is with Ruby.

Oscar to Ruby: 

Oscar: …I don’t think your uncle likes me very much.

Ruby: Don’t be silly. He’s just a little grumpy sometimes…with just you…a lot.  

 Oscar: *laughs* Nice save. Good attempt. But…nah, my aunt trained me well enough to sniff out when someone really doesn’t want me around. And…I think your uncle thinks I shouldn’t be here. I don’t blame him though. He probably thinks I shouldn’t stick around anymore since Oz is back with you guys. Back with his people.

Ruby: You’re his people too. He told us you saved him.

Oscar: I just gave him a place to stay and some food. But…thanks… to both of you for the kind words. I mean, I promised Ozzy I would help him get to the city to meet his friends and I did. I guess…I really have no business sticking around here.

 Ruby: Well…then why are you still here?

 Oscar: …Uhh…I guess… one of the reasons is because of Haven Academy. Lionheart told me that he still has records of my old acceptance letter into the academy. Said…if I still wanted, I can actually become a student here.  It’s a chance for me to finally live my dream of becoming a huntsman which is all I could ever ask for.

But if we’re being honest, the real reason I want to stay is because of Ozzy. Ozpin…needs me. Well…maybe not the version of him that’s a 1000 year old magical wizard guarded by a tall, rugged, mean-faced bird man wielding a giant scythe. Uh…no offense?

 Ruby: *giggles* None taken.

Oscar: But…the part of him that’s just a little kid y’know. When he’s…just a boy---just Ozzy, he reminds me so much of myself before I went to live with my aunt. After my parents died, I was so scared of being alone but my aunt made me feel loved and safe. She stood by me because she knew I needed her. That’s why I want to stay for Ozzy. Ozpin may not need me but Ozzy does and so long as he wants me here, I’ll do everything in my power to protect him.

Ozpin to Qrow

Qrow: Oz, why’d you bring that kid with ya? Who even is this kid? Where’d you even find him?

Ozpin: That kid’s name is Oscar. He’s from Mistral but more outside the kingdom and…he saved my life when you failed to find me, I’m afraid.

Qrow: Well why is he still here? *takes a swig from his flask* Shouldn’t he have gone back to his little house on the prairie now that we’ve met up with Leo?

Ozpin: He’s here because I want him to be here. My reincarnation may have…suffered a few unsettling complications but I wasn’t totally off my rocker when I told you I wanted Oscar to join my Circle. He may be young but within my short time with him, he’s shown me that he has tremendous potential. So with some training and proper guidance, I believe Oscar is destined for greatness.

Besides I…sorta also promised his dead aunt I would look out for him after she died. Can’t break a promise like that now, can I?”

Qrow: *through mid-sip* You did what?

Ozpin: It’s…a long story.

Qrow: Great. So basically you picked up a stray.

Ozpin: A stray with potential. Besides, I took you in once didn’t I? And look how well you turned out.

Qrow quirks a brow at Ozpin while taking another long swig from his flask. At this, Ozpin shook his head and sighed.

Ozpin: …Well���I can’t take full credit for all your quirks.

Qrow: Yeah but at least I grew up already knowing how to fight? What does Farmer Brown know how to do besides swing an axe? Anyone can swing an axe. Heck I can do that blindfolded with both my hands tied behind my back on my worst day. Besides… he’s so…young. He’s younger than I was when I joined the Circle. Ozpin: *amused tone* Why Qrow Branwen, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were a little jealous of Oscar.

Qrow: *almost chokes on his flask* Me? Jealous of that pipsqueak? Oz, I just recovered from my last hangover, please don’t make me vomit. I just don’t like the way he thinks he’s all high and mighty just because he’s the glorified babysitter to your other half.

Ozpin: Oscar isn’t like at all. If anything he’s been the most mature for his age…definitely more mature than certain people I’m looking at right now.

Qrow: *condescending tone* He calls you Ozzy. What is that?

Ozpin: *calmly* It’s just a nickname. A nickname both Ozzy and Ozpin don’t mind.

Qrow: *grumbles* I also don’t like the way he keeps chumming up to Ruby lately.

Ozpin: Really Qrow? He’s 16. She’s 16. They’re allowed to be friends.

Qrow: She’s my niece! Don’t encourage your babysitter to be any kind of ‘friends’ with my niece, capish?

Ozpin: *exasperated*  …Fine. Are there any other complaints you have regarding my ‘babysitter’?

Qrow: Just one. I don’t think this kid’s got the real chops to be a huntsman, let alone someone who’s meant to be a part of your Circle.

Ozpin: Is that right? Well then since we’re both being honest here, I think I have the perfect solution for that. You’re an experienced huntsman Qrow. Previously a teacher at Signal Academy who trained your own niece to be a powerful scythe wielder like yourself. Not to mention you’re one of the few people in this world I would trust with my life.

Qrow: *burps* What’s your point?

Ozpin: You don’t think Oscar’s got what it takes. Then help him. Train him and bring out the best in him; as I did once for you.

In the main series, Qrow is currently Ozpin’s right hand for the Mistral Arc going towards Atlas (since Glynda, his original right hand from the Beacon Trilogy is stuck holding down the fort in Vale with Professor Port and Dr. Oobleck). But what would be cute is if Oscar also unintentionally became Ozpin’s right hand but…more so to young Ozzy, Ozpin’s ‘child-like’ other half in my AU.

I like the idea of both Qrow and Oscar being Ozpin’s right hand men and the two butting heads at first. While Oscar is perfectly okay with the times Ozpin needs to be alone with Qrow since the older huntsman is one of Ozpin’s most trusted.

For this AU, Qrow secretly harbours a bit of jealousy toward Oscar who was only picked as Ozpin’s newest guardian because of the complications of his reincarnation. Whenever Ozpin reverts back to Ozzy, he’s completely intimidated by Qrow and won’t let the Branwen man talk or even be alone with him unless Oscar is present.

In this version of the story, Ozzy is very attached to Oscar. Like a nervous child clinging to their parent.

It’s a different dynamic from the show canon but that’s why I like it as an AU. Plus I really dig the notion of Qrow being tasked to personally train Oscar by Ozpin as he is the newest member of his Circle and his youngest Guardian. I like the parallel of Oscar to Qrow because once upon a time, Qrow was in Oscar’s shoes as the original youngest member of his Circle along with his sister. However, unlike Raven, Ozpin took a greater shine to Qrow due to his loyal nature and provided him with more training and trust; allowing the two to forge a friendship stronger than any relationship Oz had with his remaining Guardians.

I like the idea of Qrow originally being jealous of Oscar only to eventually warm up to him after realizing their commonalities. So in the end, Qrow becomes a surrogate father figure to Oscar and learns to care for him as much as Ozpin did; recognizing his potential as well.

It’s a nice way to have Qrow and Oscar bond through their ties to Ozpin but without Qrow treating Oscar as Ozpin most of the time. As an AU, it can work.

How would this AU handle the RoseGarden relationship/romance?

Well for starters Oscar and Ruby will be the same age of 16 years old in this AU. Oscar would also be his own character. For this AU, I love the idea of Ruby slowly falling in love with Oscar purely for his, quote, ‘big heart’ after observing  his caring nature towards ‘Ozzy’, the childlike persona of Ozpin’s younger form.

Instead of Oscar being based off of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, he’d be based off of the Woodcutter from the Little Red Riding Hood fairy-tale. Though Oscar is Ozpin’s protector who saved Ozpin, his fairy-tale inspiration would share the same origins with Ruby for this AU. That’s the idea I had.

So in conclusion:

This is my first time coming up with an AU idea for RWBY. And for what it’s worth, I really love what I pumped out. It makes me kinda wish things had been done sorta like this in the main series canon. Buuuut... that doesn’t mean I’m not excited to see how the CRWBY Writers will handle developing Oscar and Ozpin’s dynamic in the main series.

They definitely have created a very unique and interesting character in Oscar Pine and his current predicament with Professor Ozpin. So as a proud Pinehead, I’m curious to see how it’s going to be for the following seasons especially with how they plan on balancing development and character growth for both sides of the Man with Two Souls while also showing progress with their relationships; both within Ozpin and Oscar’s ties to each other as well as the other characters they encounter.

But until I get to see more of the planned story for my two favourite characters in RWBY (Oscar and Ozpin), I guess for now I’ll toss out deas for AUs feautring one or two alternate ways the CRWBY could’ve written Ozpin and Oscar’s story; starting with this one. I think my ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU is my best and favourite one written down so far.

It definitely puts together some of the best ideas I could think of in the event that the story had been written like that. Besides if it doesn’t work as an AU for RWBY then it would make one hell of an original adventure inspired by RWBY with maybe a few influences from the Wizard of Oz tale.

Wouldn’t mind playing around with a story like that if I ever felt up to the task. But who knows? For now, it’s just a really neat AU idea brought to you by the squiggle meister. Hope you fellow RWBY fam like it.

  More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)