#i feel the wait is even longer now
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aughdhshfjjsjcjdjfjsbgsknfjs <- leshy in this art probably
#mrk.art#cult of the lamb#cotl fanart#cotl narinder#the one who waits#cotl leshy#blood#eye injury#eyestrain#imagine. you ar— WERE. you were my older brother. you might've had a stick up your ass but i still cared for you. loved you‚ even. and then#suddenly my followers‚ swayed by your experiments‚ left me and worshipped you instead. and i began to grow weak‚ to lose my power#my other siblings also suffered from this‚ allmighty gods no longer‚ for you stood above us in terms of might. and then—#and then— ...i do not know the full extent of what happened. but i know with all my being that you betrayed us.#we fought. godly blood was spilled. the last thing i remember seeing was your claws stained with ichor.#you are gone now‚ imprisoned forever in your realm‚ chained there to *rot*. and no matter how much vindication and hatred i feel for you‚#for the fact that you live still‚ as death could not be killed‚ there's a part of me that still yearns for an older brother who raised me‚#who taught me‚ who loved me‚ who betrayed me. who torn my eyes out of my head‚ ripped off my brothers ears‚ sliced my sister's throat open‚#crushed my sibling's skull.#bishop leshy#LMAO writing a ficlet in the tags. average tumblr user experience. j will now turn into a clam soup. good by e
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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how do we feel about the new episode guys‼️
#the animation was so fluid in this one it’s real pretty#but now we have to wait even longer 😭#i enjoyed it i liked the interactions and i feel like we’re getting somewhere#helluva boss#helluva boss apology tour#blitzo#stolas#verosika mayday
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26 days until gunil's 26nd birthday
day 26 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - gunil's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#gunil#goo gunil#jungsu#junhan#jun han#jooyeon#ode#gaon#kim jungsu#han hyeongjun#lee jooyeon#oh seungmin#kwak jiseok#gunil26#forfreddy#here we are! no i won't joke about how this countdown felt longer than the ones before. even though it would be very gunil like#HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUNIL! ♥ hope the members are nice for once ♥#cAN'T WAIT FOR NEW KISSIES#(quick mention before things get sappy: this was the hardest kissie gifset up to now. different formats?? u G H)#(it was hard enough already to decide which scenes to use and in which order)#so. gunil. i appreciate his way of being a leader sooo much! he can be serious and all and he can actually take over#(ugh there's this one clip where they're in the practice room and gunil is directing them and he KNOWS what he's doing)#but he isn't that much about 'i'm your hyung we need some distance'#and he's okay with not having to carry the burden of being a leader on his own#he isn't this authoritarian kind of guy and thus they feel more like a community and that's so neat ♥#and (now it's time for my personal impression or whatever) he is such a chill guy and i love it! he doesn't care about distance in general#he feels super approachable. like the kind of guy that would get drinks with the fans after a gig under other circumstances#he also takes things seriously and he cares about music and ugh that's so neat#but he's also super super chill and i hope he keeps that part of himself ♥
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have you guys heard of this show called the legend of vox machina it's quite good
#im gonna be grinning like an idiot all day I had so much fun#the wait for thursdays is gonna feel even longer now#tlovm
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Reminds me of “The World Was Wide Enough”, a song from the musical, Hamilton!
youtube
#sonic movie 3#sonicmovie3hype#movie shadow#movie sonic#I’d imagine Movie Sonic being Alexander Hamilton and Movie Shadow as Aaron Burr 😭#🎶The World Was Wide Enough Sayonara… Shadow The Hedgehog🎶#Movie Shadow: 🎶 I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory Is this where it gets me on my feet several feet ahead of me? 🎶#🎶 I see it coming do I run or fire my gun or let it be?🎶 🎶There is no beat no melody 🎶#🎶 Sonic a young hedgehog whom I consider an uneasy ally and had our first rivalry Maybe the last face I ever see 🎶#🎶 If I throw away my shot is this how you'll remember me? 🎶 🎶 What if this sacrifice is my legacy? Legacy what is a legacy? 🎶#🎶 It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see 🎶 🎶 I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me 🎶🎶#🎶Earth you great unfinished symphony it was too much of a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for me 🎶#🎶 You let me make a difference a place where even weird technicolour space alien orphan children 🎶#🎶 Can leave their fingerprints and rise up I'm running out of time I'm running and my time's up 🎶#🎶 Wise up eyes up I catch a glimpse of the other side 🎶 🎶My creator my father Gerald Robotnik is on the other side 🎶#🎶 He's with his granddaughter Maria who’s on the other side Teach me how to say goodbye 🎶 🎶 Rise up rise up rise up MARIA! 🎶#🎶 My best friend my sister I’d love you to take your time 🎶 “I'll give them a chance to be happy…”#Company: 🎶 he uses the very last of his chaos energy- Movie Shadow: “CHAOS CONTROL!” Movie Sonic: “WAIT!”#Movie Sonic: “He was unable to maintain his super transformation form any longer” “I tried to stop him but he punched me away”#“I get a drink” = “I get a chilli dog 💀”#🎶Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah 🎶#“I hear cheering in the streets” 🎶Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah 🎶#🎶 They say Gerald and Shadow Were both at her side when she died 🎶#🎶 Death doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints it takes and it takes and it takes 🎶#🎶History obliterates in every picture it paints It paints me and all my mistakes 🎶#Movie Sonic: 🎶 Before Shadow The Hedgehog feel down to Earth he aimed at the sky He may have been the first one to die 🎶#🎶 But I'm the one who paid for it I survived but I paid for it 🎶 🎶Now I’m the “hero” in your history I was too young and blind to see 🎶#🎶I should've known I should've known the world was wide enough for both The Ultimate Lifeform and me 🎶#🎶The World Was Wide Enough For both The Ultimate Lifeform and me… 😭🎶
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a few Carlos moments from the 2024 Azerbaijan GP
#carlos sainz#charles leclerc#autumn posts#so many insta moments saved!! and most this quality hehe#not HQ but still I fawn!!#the middle especially AHHH his lap 😵💫 ok!!!!#hoping to do this more to share what I have in the backlog that I haven't seen here yet tho totally could've missed someone posting these!!!#I know I talk about it a lot in the tags but ahhhh I'm usually at work 🙃 kinda have a super unbalanced relationship with my job#but it means I'm usually so behind on the dash and there are so many incredible fics I cannot wait to read!!!!!#so many things I miss#thank you everyone for sharing what you create ❤️#and thank you for your patience with me as I catch up!!!#like literally no one is putting pressure on me haha but I do it too much to myself!!#always feeling like I'm running behind but I know that's not how fandom works!!#it's wonderful to pop in and share whenever feels best!!#anyways tl;dr I'm hoping to catch up more soon and just hella thankful for all the kindness here ❤️#I worry way too much (as evident!!) and slowly finding balance where I can have more time to do what I love in life#anyways it means a lot to ramble here!!#I'm a single pringle usually alone in my office or the apartment (except blessed weekends with friends! and stressful work events hehe)#so having this space means so much to me!! and to all the online spaces where it can feel like a little respite#and there is still so much to see!! (I've not even seen dts or Carlos and Daniel's vlogs like!!!! woah!!!! so much!!! 😵💫 but also 🥳)#I've only seen a few of the Don't Blink episodes!! and some races from the past so far!!#and cannot wait to be yelling over fics soon omg the premises I've seen!!!!! AHHHHHH I always want to comment so you'll be hearing from me!!#but now back to work (for just a little longer!!)#hoping everyone is well ❤️ and hope you have a restful evening morning and afternoon too!! 🌃🌇🏙️❤️
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I need a capri sun and then I need to be torn apart molecule by molecule
#ughghghghhh. hellish day.#ALMOST broke my 10+ year streak of not crying in public. didnt though. my car doesnt count as in public!#my uncle is very nice and has invited me out to dinner like every night this week and i feel bad but like.#i keep turning him down bc he always brings his girlfriend and she is incapable of being subtle or nice about things like this#and i KNOW she will talk about it and if she tries to talk to me about it ill start crying!#see my aforementioned streak!!!! im not breaking that for YOU lisa!!!!!!!!!!!#head kn hands. i do not do well when i have to answer the question “how are you holding up'#with the answer “bad''#see: the 8 years of abusive friendship and the 20+ yrars of mental illness i have not gotten help about -_-#tldr my moms surgery got delayed so now we have to wait even LONGER for any solid answers . have i mentioned i hate medical situations.
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also i didn't tell you guys but i was supposed to get a raise this month when i sign a new contract but they already sent it to me and there was no mention of the raise. so i felt horrible and almost cried at work and it took me a few hours but i actually went to talk to them and i will probably get a raise after all
#LIKE WHAT IS THIS WEEK. WHY DO I HAVE TO CONFRONT PEOPLE LIKE THAT AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF!!!!#i was like hey.. you mentioned a raise after the probationary period when i signed the first contract so i'm confused now ??#and they were like we genuinely don't remember but it's alright we can talk about it and change it so just tell us how much do you want#which. is also shitty bc i know the girl who's been here for 3 months longer got it without asking#and i feel like i'm asking too much when it's not even 10%....#but hey!!! i did that instead of just sitting there feeling wronged and waiting 2 years for my contract to end#i'm literally so brave but it doesn't even feel good 😭#as a reward i bought myself train tickets to see my friend next month agjsfjsj and they were really cheap!#and now i'm trying to just. not think about All That. yk#that's why i'm rambling on tumblr dot com ahmsgjsdn#k.txt
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I am in the airport heading back from vacation why do I see notifs for comments asking me to DM them
#from daydreams to text#it's on my post about my TFP fic to like ?????#what about me watching Transformers Prime again and writing fanfic is getting DM requests#also like. weird. Because mine aren't like... closed?#I think they're bots but it's still strange#anyway in the fic Megs just woke up and Starscream is losing his mind#Bronwen is getting the princess treatment from Megs by being allowed to sit on his shoulder#the chapter also had flashbacks of off-screen relationship context for them so it made a bit more sense#since early fic there wasn't MUCH but it was IMPLIED that they spent time together#the previous one had a bit too#but this expanded on some basic levels of their comfort with each other#like Bronwen asking Megatron what lipstick to wear#or his opinion on her dress; or telling him what game she's playing#basic things essentially#also Starscream went kinda petty ego during his monologue earlier#like ''Once YOU'RE out of the way the little prophet is MINE and YOU CAN'T HAVE HER NYEH''#dressed up as ''she is my subordinate who can see the future'' but really it's ''I like her >:| you can't have bleh''#it's very funny to see his ego clash with his feelings#the ego of basically putting a mark on the girl with future vision. the feelings of actually loving her as a person#and the clash of ''I literally cannot let anyone- not even me- know I love this human so I'm gonna tell myself it's all a power trip''#he has the Autobots fooled. Knockout is not. Nor is Megs#it's so much XD in a fun way!#I've gotten a lot done on the plane so far#gonna see if I can wrap up a chapter now while waiting#the wait is longer than the flight so;;; wish me luck
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lesbophobes should kill themselves im tired of being nice about it im so fucking sick of yall. if ur not a lesbian STOP SPEAKING OVER US ABOUT LESBIAN ISSUES. STOP DEMANDING WE CENTER MEN. STOP DEMEANING US. JUST STOP.
#rae.txt#and i DONT care if this makes me a 'mean angry lesbian'#how much longer do lesbians have to tolerate yalls disrespect & be expected not to clap back.#we are not your fucking doormats.#pride fucking sucks now bc the lesbophobia ALWAYS ramps up. its like yall wait for june#just to make us feel even more excluded.
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found a picrew that made everybody so fucking pretty i had to make all of them and post them immediately
#whenever i play with these its so funny doing everybody else and then fluff. its always a flashbang#anyway. this would be so so so close to what i imagine their human versions to look like in my brain EXCEPT stretch's hair#i imagine it with like. orange streak in it. and also usually in a bun but the bun options on this one werent messy enough lmao#also russ's hair would still be slightly longer but not quiiite that long. and i'm still jumping back n forth on facial hair for him tbh#cuz like i am a firm believer that CANON ut pap would definitely be clean-shaven as a human#he does too much questionable skincare to have a beard. all those products would burn any hair follicles out of his face instantly#RUSS though...... russ is a mess with his life actively falling apart. so maybe he can be allowed a very tiny beard. just a bit#probably best he can do is at least keep it trimmed to look slightly more intentional#ayhem anyway last thing i would change is fluff's hair feels just a biiiit off but i cant figure out why. but something is Strange#wait oops its supposed to be longer and it IS longer but the fur is covering it up LMAO thats what it is#but anyway. edge is literally perfect absolutely no notes on him 10/10 best picrew edge i have ever made i think#this is too much thought for me to be putting into designs that literally aren't even canon and in a fucking picrew but whatever#i can be cringe on my cringe blog i do what i want on tumblr dot com and right now i want to ramble about a dress up game
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Ok, been sitting on this for a while, been trying to talk myself out of it, but here goes.
The book doesn't sell me on the love Theoden had for Eowyn.
I tried to read it and find something in his actions towards her that tell me he has proper regard, proper respect for her, that gives any weight or meaning to his love for her, but I can't find anything. He dismisses her before the entire court, doesn't consider her an heir or a proper part of his house, and has to have her virtues called out to him by other people, when she has been serving him for years.
Return Of The King sees him spout platitudes and declare her "dearer than daughter", but none of this is backed up by his general actions to her.
He loves Eowyn, fine. But he doesn't love her the way he loves Eomer, or probably loved Theodred. He doesn't love her as a fully realised being. Nor as someone to take pride in and carry on his legacy. He loves her a crutch, a tool, and something between pet and person.
He has affection for Eowyn, but his love feels more like a trivial thing, than something with any real worth or regard to it.
#Lotr#Lord of the Rings#Eowyn#Theoden#I don't think this is Tolkien's intent#I think I'm meant to believe that Theoden was awesome to Eowyn and did love her more than a daughter#but Tolkien never gave me a reason to believe that#can someone find me a moment in the books where Theoden's love for Eowyn feels like something substantial#where he loves her for who she is and not for the services she has provided#where he shows any respect for her capabilities and pride in her person#and not just going along with it when other people point them out to him#I love them in the films and I want to believe in their love so much#but Theoden's love for Eowyn in the books just feels perfunctory and leaves me feeling empty#I don't think this is how their relationship is meant to make me feel#Eowyn put her life on hold and endured hell for Theoden's sake#and we never even get an implication he regretted what she endured for his sake#we never see a hint of Theoden regretting how he snubbed her before the court#almost every scene between the two of them in Two Towers lacks warmth or regard between them#the minute Theoden's recovered he sends Eowyn away as though she's not longer of use to him#he forgets her bloody existence before everyone in the hall#he has her wait on him while Eomer Aragorn Gimli and Legolas all get to sit with him#and in turn all Eowyn can do is look at him with cool pity#and at their parting she focusses more on Aragorn than Theoden#she clearly isn't feeling the love right now and why should she?#it makes Theoden calling her daughter and showing her some morsels of affection in Return of the King feel empty#like now yeah he can be bothered to acknowledge Eowyn a bit now that it suits him#but when other stuff is going on she falls to the back of his mind#there's enough unseen moments or gaps where perhaps if Tolkien had written them I might have believed in Theoden's love for Eowyn#such as their parting before Pelennor which was described as “painful”#but that pain could have meant a variety of things
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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think i will write a second chapter of a fic nobody cared about, just to assert my own weirdness upon the world/AO3.
#i tend to try and repress these things even they appear almost fully-formed in my head. which this has. (oh no!)#fic related#i forgot this is one of the downsides of having posted WIPs; you feel like you need to write that and only that until it's finished.#you will NOT write that and only that but you will FEEL like you SHOULD.#i did warn any readers of the con artists AU not to expect more any time soon though so they can wait a while longer.#and i updated the other one like yesterday or whenever.#so off i go to anglo-saxon england again which will now actually have a religion because i suddenly need nuns for a plot reason!#as the pope said to his favourite cardinal-nephew (j/k probably)
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