#and in turn all Eowyn can do is look at him with cool pity

[torchwood-99]

Ok, been sitting on this for a while, been trying to talk myself out of it, but here goes.

The book doesn't sell me on the love Theoden had for Eowyn.

I tried to read it and find something in his actions towards her that tell me he has proper regard, proper respect for her, that gives any weight or meaning to his love for her, but I can't find anything. He dismisses her before the entire court, doesn't consider her an heir or a proper part of his house, and has to have her virtues called out to him by other people, when she has been serving him for years.

Return Of The King sees him spout platitudes and declare her "dearer than daughter", but none of this is backed up by his general actions to her.

He loves Eowyn, fine. But he doesn't love her the way he loves Eomer, or probably loved Theodred. He doesn't love her as a fully realised being. Nor as someone to take pride in and carry on his legacy. He loves her a crutch, a tool, and something between pet and person.

He has affection for Eowyn, but his love feels more like a trivial thing, than something with any real worth or regard to it.

[theemightypen]

👀 (fingers crossed for pea in pod)

Ask and ye shall receive, nonny! It should be noted this snippet takes place about 2 months before the story proper and is rather the...catalyst for everything, as it were. 

--

Eowyn and Faramir’s wedding is a beautiful thing. The venue is stunning, the food delicious, the happiness of the bride and groom spilling over into everything, everyone.

Well, everyone, it seems, except her.

Lothiriel idly swirls the champagne around in her glass--this marks her fifth since the reception has begun, and while she’s certainly no lightweight--Boromir had been an excellent teacher, when it came to drinking, after all--the lack of hearty food has left her a little more tipsy than she’d normally be. And she still feels blue, despite all the joy in the room. So she tips her glass back, intending to drink it all--

“Whoa there, half pint,” comes a familiar voice as an equally familiar hand plucks the glass from her fingers, “can’t have one of the bridesmaids drunk before the bouquet toss.”

“Eomer,” she complains, “I wasn’t finished with that.”

Eomer frowns down at her, as absurdly tall as ever. “But you should be. I thought the Dol Amroth sigil was a swan, not a fish.”

She rolls her eyes, turning to face him. “I don’t recall asking you to be my keeper, Eorlsson.”

“Someone has to be, apparently.”

Lothiriel frowns, sticking her tongue out at him. Eomer’s left eyebrow arches, clearly unimpressed at her childish display. They get along well, always have, but tonight she’s feeling melancholy, dammit! She’s a grown woman! If she wants to drown her sorrows in the best champagne Gondor has to offer, why shouldn’t she?

Eomer’s right eyebrow has joined his left--and it dawns on her that she’s said all of that out loud, like some kind of loon.

“I’m sorry,” she blurts, “it’s just--this is the first big event I’ve been to since the whole mess with Gwordir--”

His expression morphs into one of sympathy, though mercifully, not pity. “Come on, half pint. Let’s get you some fresh air.”

He tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow, waving off Elphir and Boromir’s worried expressions as he leads her to the nearest balcony. She does feel a little better, with the cool night air in her lungs and Eomer’s steady presence at her side.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, straight-forward as ever.

“I don’t miss Gwordir, not really,” she admits, twisting a loose piece of hair around her finger, “but I do miss having someone to come with to these sort of things, and it feels like everyone knows that I couldn’t keep a boyfriend--”

“Gwordir is a spineless idiot,” Eomer interrupts gruffly. “I thought so before he cheated on you, and I think it even more now.” 

“Still doesn’t lessen the fact that I wasn’t enough, yeah? Even a spineless toad got tired of me--”

He interrupts her self-criticism with a crooked finger under her jaw, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Any man stupid enough to not realize how lucky he is to have a woman like you in his life isn’t worth your time, Lothiriel.” 

He calls her by her first name so rarely--it’s always ‘half pint’ or ‘princess’--that it startles her. Shocks her, even. That combined with the intense, serious way he’s looking at her and the lingering buzz of champagne is enough to...well, make her be stupid enough herself to stretch up on her tip-toes to press her mouth to his. Valar, she can’t remember the last time she kissed someone other than Gwordir, and Eomer’s lips are soft, and warm, and--

The sudden slide of his tongue along hers has heat lancing sharply through her veins, and she sinks her fingers into his absurdly long, absurdly soft hair--

“Oi, Eomer!” Comes Eothain’s familiar voice. “You out there?”

They break apart quickly, Eomer managing a hoarse, “Yes,” before his best friend can step outside to investigate further. 

“Well, hurry up!” Eothain calls. “They’re about to cut the cake!” 

Lothiriel can feel herself blushing. Oh, Valar, what had she been thinking? Eomer is her friend, Eowyn’s brother, her new cousin-in-law! She could scarcely have picked a worse person to kiss. (Though the embarrassingly strong throb between her legs makes her doubt she could have chosen a better kisser.)

“So, ah,” she says, willing herself not to talk too quickly, “sorry about that.”

She looks up and meets Eomer’s neutral--very, very neutral--expression. “Me too,” he says, though there’s something in his voice that makes her frown, and reach for his elbow.

“No harm done, then,” she says, though it sounds a little hollow even to herself. “Let’s get back inside before the bride and groom send a search party.”

That makes him snort, and the world seems to tilt back on its axis again, back to normal.

--

Or at least, she’d thought it had, until they’re both another half a bottle of champagne deep, stumbling along the carpeted hallway to their respective hotel rooms. They have to pause to laugh at each other’s disheveled hair, the heels dangling from her crooked fingers. 

She’s reaching for his long-undone tie before she can stop herself, and draws him down for a searing kiss. He’s just so...so different from Gwordir, tall where her ex had been short, broad where he’d been slender, and his mouth is infinitely more clever, sweeter, even--

But then Eomer pulls back, looking at her with serious eyes. “I don’t think this is a good idea, half pint.”

You’re right, she thinks, you’re so right, you’re one of my favorite people and that’s not worth risking for a fling--

But instead, Lothiriel finds herself curling her fingers around the button just above his collarbone, and saying, “It doesn’t have to mean anything, Eomer--isn’t this what single people do at weddings?”

He gives an exasperated laugh, running a gentle hand over her side. She thinks he probably means for it to be a soothing gesture, but given the thin fabric of her dress and the sheer amount of heat coming from his hand, it’s anything but. “Well, yeah, but I imagine this particular bride and groom might have something to say about this--”

Lothiriel kisses him again, sighing into his mouth when his arms wrap around her to hold her tighter against him. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” she whispers. 

This strange, new fire between them must be affecting him as much as it is her, because his response is to press her back against the door of her room, a groan rumbling from deep in his throat--

--

“Alright, alright, I don’t want details!” Cries Amrothos, shuddering. “But Valar, Lothiriel, Eomer? Eomer as in Mr. My-Only-Two-Facial-Expressions-Are- Frowning-and-Scowling, Eomer?”

“He only scowls at you constantly because you purposefully bait him,” Lothiriel defends. “He’s a good man, Amrothos, and my friend and--”

“--the father of your child,” he finishes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Who remains, as of now, ignorant of said child.”

“Yes,” she admits, twisting her hair around her finger.

Amrothos hits his head against the side of the tub a few times--dramatic as always, it isn’t as if it’s him having a baby--before hefting himself to his feet. He turns to offer her his hand. “Up and at’em, preggers,” he commands. “You and I have someone to see.”

[big-zube]

the best moments from return of the king that make me Feel a Lot

after gollum frames sam for eating all the lembas bread and then frodo leaves with gollum and sam is left all by himself when everything he's ever done on the trip was to try to help frodo and he's so, so tired

when frodo is in shelob's cave and he realizes how sorry he is and how much he needs his sam and then he collapses and has that vision of galadriel that gives him the strength to get back up

when sam thinks frodo is dead but then he's not and it turns out ok

right after pippin picked up the palantir and he's all shaken up poor bbyyyyy

when pippin is about to leave to gondor with gandalf and merry is pissed at him but he doesn't realize that the reason merry is so upset is that they might not get to see each other again and the moment when innocent lil pippin realizes and merry is choked up and he says "i don't know what's going to happen" and then pippin is whisked away and merry immediately races to the top of the building to watch them ride into the distance

when pippin kneels in front of denethor and offers a lifetime of service in return for boromir's life (HOW IMPOSSIBLY NOBLE AND SELFLESS OF HIM??? HIS HEART IS SO PURE)

when denethor tells faramir that he wishes he died instead of boromir and faramir says he'll do his best to make up for that loss while obviously trying not to cry in front of his stupid bitch of a dad

when arwen has that vision of aragorn with their child and decides once and for all to become mortal no matter what elrond says

when aragorn is about to leave to go rally up the ghost army and eowyn is like "you can't leave on the eve of battle" and aragorn is like dude why are you here and she's like do you really not know and he gives her that slightly pitying look you give when someone loves you and you don't love them back and he just softly goes "eowyn." (and then says something about it's only a shadow and a thought you love which is also a cool line)

pippins gorgeous sad song

eowyn scooping merry up onto her horse so that he can join the battle, and then the way they look out for each other during it all, they're so sweeeet

"A SWORD DAY, A RED DAY" pep talk and then this giant mass of people screaming "DEEAAAAAAATH"

when theoden is dying and he realizes his daughter is the soldier who killed the nazgul dude and the moment they share right when he goes out

WHEN PIPPIN AND GANDALF ARE SITTING TOGETHER IN THE MIDST OF EVERYTHING AND PIPPIN SAYS "i never thought it would end this way" AND GANDALF COMFORTS PIPPIN BY TELLING HIM ABOUT HOW PEACEFUL THE AFTERLIFE IS WITH THE WHITE SHORES AND STUFF

when pippin and merry reunite afterwards and pippin tells merry that hes going to look after him

when aragorn gives his pre-fight pep talk and finishes it with "for frodo" and charges the orcs and there's a pause and the first people to follow him are merry and pippin, the most unlikely soldiers, with hearts so much bigger than their tiny bodies and filled with love for their friend

"what about side by side with a friend"

"I CAN'T CARRY IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN CARRY YOU"

"it's gone. it's done."

"i'm glad to be with you samwise gamgee here at the end of all things"

THAT WHOLE SCENE, AND THEN WHEN THE EAGLES RESCUE THEM, AND THEN WHEN FRODO REUNITES WITH EVERYONE IN BED

when frodo is about to board the ship and everyone is falling apart emotionally and he hugs the other hobbits and each of them cling to him as tight as they can and then. AND THEN. when he gets to sam. and that tender kiss on the forehead. fuck

and then on the ship he turns to look at them one last time and he smiles and its the most beautiful smile you've ever seen because all the color has come back to his face and he's truly at peace for the first time since bearing the ring and his happy ending has finally finally finally come

THE GODDAMN HUG. THE GODDAMN SMILE.

THE WHOLE GODDAMN MOVIE

oh yeah and that gorgeous credits song

[dolamrotha]

Eomer and Lothiriel, 20 + 38

20 - Both are drunk and happy / / 38 - “You just feel really good. Soft and warm…”

Her knock on Boromir’s door is answered by a resounding “COME IN!” bellowed by at least six different voices. When the call dies down, there’s still music and laughter and talking to be heard. For a moment, all she can do is stare at the door, before turning slowly to look at a very amused Eowyn. 

“I’m not sure I want to ‘come in,’“ she whispers, but Eowyn only grins and rolls her eyes before she shoves the door open, into....

Well, Lothiriel’s not exactly sure what they’ve walked into, only that she’s sure almost everyone she knows on God’s green earth is inside: each of her brothers, even Elphir, for starters. Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli. Boromir and Theodred and Faramir. And Eomer. 

Of course he’s here, she thinks, trying to steady the rushing beat of her heart back to a steadier pace. She could have guessed he would be here. Still, the sight of him narrows out everyone else in the room for a moment, until it’s just his eyes meeting hers through all the rest of them, and oh....when did she become such a silly love struck little fool? 

Then again, isn’t she allowed to be a love-struck little fool, these days? Now that they weren’t trying to not-tell their family and friends? Now that they had suffered the worst of her brothers’ suspicions or teasing? 

She had better, she decides. She had better be allowed, because now he’s shouldering his way through the rest of them, and all she can hear is her silly, lovestruck pulse in her ears. 

“Hi,” She manages to say when he’s there right in front of her, the erratic beat of her heart only getting worse at the quirked brow, the soft smile that’s only ever hers. 

His arm is around her waist before she can blink, pulling her in for a kiss that’s both blindingly warm and much, much too chaste for her liking. “Hi.” 

Breathless and blushing, she hides her face against his shoulder for a moment, trying to regain her sense of the rest of the world...and of the rest of the people, at least some of whom, she’s sure, are currently looking right at them. 

“Amrothos is no longer pretending to gag, if that’s what you’re hiding from,” he murmurs, and smooths a hand through her hair as she looks up. 

“For now,” she mutters, much to Eomer’s amusement, glaring daggers at the mentioned brother, who (of course) resumed as soon as she looked at him. 

She can feel Eomer’s chuckle, but she can feel the kiss he presses to her temple even more. 

“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” 

She doesn’t know what time it is when her brothers leave, or when Merry and Pippin fall asleep on the kitchen floor, only that she’s sweetly warm and pleasantly dizzy, and content simply to stretch on her cousin’s couch like a cat and listen to the hum of voices from the patio: Eowyn’s weaving in and out of the deeper tones of Faramir, Boromir, Theodred, and Eomer. She had been out there too, not that long ago, until Erchirion and Amrothos finally decided it was time for them to go, and she’d come in to hug them each goodbye on their way out the door. But the couch had looked simply too inviting to pass up. 

Sleep was mere moments away when she heard the door open and close again, but a breath away as something warm and heavy eased onto the couch with her, half on top of her. 

“What’s this?” she murmurs sleepily, eyes still closed as she slowly lifts a hand to drag it through a tawny mane of hair as Eomer pulls her even closer, nuzzles into her neck. He still smells of the outdoors, and of the cigars that Boromir had bought, and there’s still the coolness of the autumn night on his skin. 

His chuckle rumbles through her, seems to surround her, and she thinks she’d drown in it if she could. Or in the feeling of his hand just beneath her shirt’s hem, warm against her skin. Or in the brief kisses on her neck, her collarbone, before he rests his head on her again. 

“You just feel really good,” he says, words just a little bit slurred by the drinks and by the hour. His nose nuzzles against her neck again, making her giggle and arch up from the couch just a little. “Soft and warm...” 

“Mmmm,” she hums, trailing fingers up and down the arm thrown around her. “You feel really good, too, you know.” 

This chuckle is deeper and slower, and somehow she knows that if they were alone, if they were less sleepy, the night wouldn’t have ended just yet. But all he says is “Good,” and in what might only have been moments, she’s sure he’s asleep, breath warm against her neck. She follows not long after, sleep overtaking her at last, stealing in even around Eomer’s protective arms. 

They don’t notice the steady tick of the clock further on into morning, or the opening and closing of the patio door, or the laughter of their friends filing in from the night. 

“Think we should wake them?” Eowyn asks, lightly nudging her brother’s foot. 

“No, let ‘em sleep,” Theodred replies. “It’d be a pity to wake them.” 

“Do you think she can breathe?” 

This last from Eowyn pulls quickly-hushed laughter from the rest of them, a fond shake of Boromir’s head. 

“I don’t think Thiri would still be there if she couldn’t,” he says. “She once smacked me in the face when she was younger. In her sleep, mind. And that was just for trying to lift her from the window seat she’d fallen asleep on. Let them stay.” 

As though in response, a shift from the couch: Lothiriel murmuring Eomer’s name, his arm tightening around her waist. 

“Like I said,” whispered Theodred into the hush. “It’s be a pity to wake them.” 

[mylittledragonhoard]

Drabble Challenge! From that thing you reblogged earlier. Either "You're not interested, are you?" OR "I'm not wearing a dress/tie." Go as angsty or as silly as you like.

Thank you for the request. I decided to do both! I’ll post the other one tomorrow! And remember you were the one who said go angsty or as silly as I like~ * innocent angel face*

Character death ahead.

“I’m not wearing a dress/tie.”

“I’m notwearing a tie.” Ten-year-old Kili Oakley insisted stubbornly as hisalready frazzled band director held out the solid red material.

“It’s part ofthe uniform, Killian. Everyone has to wear one tonight. You can take it offonce you’re done playing.” She insisted as she shook her hand a bit sohe’d take it.

He didn’t. And eventhe use of his full name wasn’t enough to persuade him. “They chokeme.” He glowered at the offending article of clothing. “I’m notwearing it!”

The director made afrustrated noise and looked as though shewas going to be the one that choked him, but before that happened a voicestopped her.

“Ties are coolman. You should wear it.”

Both Kili and hisband director looked over to find Fili Durin standing there, blond hair slickedback so not a strand was out of place and his own tie neatly in place aroundhis neck.

While the banddirector let out a relieved sigh, Kili stared wide eyed at the coolest kid inthe band. Fili was a year older than Kili and could pretty much play anyinstrument, but he was mainly their only First Clarinet. He was better thananyone else in the band, and Kili had heard rumours that he even played for ahigh school band sometimes. This, of course, made him the coolest person ever.

“Fili, if you canget him to wear his tie, I’ll consider letting you skip practice for the restof the week.” The director handed the material off to the other student beforemoving along to the next crisis that was beginning to happen in the trumpetsection.

Kili fidgeted, facered as Fili looked at him and grinned. They’d never actually had a conversationbefore. Kili was the opposite of cool and could barely play Third Flute letalong First.

“What do you haveagainst ties?” Fili asked even as he stepped closer, straightening the materialin his hands.

Kili wrinkled hisnose, focusing on the tie instead of Fili so that hopefully he’d stop blushing.“They choke me…and they make me look like a dork.” He admitted, but Fili waswearing a tie so they couldn’t be so bad, right?

The blond laughedeven as he held both ends of the tie and threw the loop over Kili’s head, handsimmediately folding it into a proper knot. “The tie isn’t what makes you looklike a dork, you dork.” Fili’s grin softened the insult, and the sight ofdimples on the other boy’s cheeks was enough to make Kili return the grin.“There. If it starts to choke you, just tug down like this.” He explained as hedemonstrated just how to tug the knot.

To Kili’s surprise,the tie didn’t feel too tight at all, and he was able to slide the knot quiteeasily without it coming apart on him. “Thanks.” He could actually wear it now.

“No problem.” Filipromised even as he ruffled Kili’s messy brown hair, making the younger boysqueak and bring his hands up to try to fix what had already been a mess. “Seeyou on stage dork!” Laughing, Fili made his way back to where he’d been settingup his own instrument.

***

“Fili! Help me!”Kili whined from somewhere deep in his closet, clothing getting tossed out andonto the floor. “I don’t know what to wear!” He stumbled out, a t-shirt wrappedaround his neck and a pair of shoes tangled around one ankle.

The blond stretchedout across his bed looked up from his science textbook with an amused grin.“Clothing is always a good choice. That shirt really brings out your eyes.” Heteased, motioning to the shirt around Kili’s neck.

The brunet groanedas he unwrapped it and flung it to the floor. “I’m serious. This is my firstdate and I want to make a good impression! Help me!” Kili literally got down onhis knees and walked to the bed, holding his clasped hands up as hedramatically pleaded to his best friend.

Fili rolled his eyesat Kili’s dramatics – they were teenagers. Dramatics were an everyday thing.“You’re taking Tauriel to the school dance, right?”

“Duh.” Kili rolledhis eyes because that was obvious. “I wish you were going too.” He muttered,allowing his arms to flop along the bed and Fili’s legs.

“Can’t. Gotta study.You know how my dad is.” It had been Fili’s excuse since the dance wasannounced, but Kili knew better. Fili’s father might have been a little bit ofa hardass when it came to his son’s grades, but he still would have let Fili goto a dance.

Deciding not to pushthe subject lest he upset his friend, Kili sighed. “You’re such a nerd.” Hebreathed out, “So help me then. I don’t want to look like a dork when I show upto meet Tauriel.” He mumbled into the mattress as he looked up at the otherboy.

“Well, too late forthat. You’re already a dork.” Fili smirked and reached over to ruffle Kili’shair, laughing when the reaction was a pitiful whine and a lazy swipe of one ofKili’s arms. “But I guess I can help you look less like one.” He decided as heclimbed off the end of the bed and moved over to the closet to look. “Oh god…doyou expect me to work miracles with this stuff?” He huffed even as he reachedinto the space and pulled a few hangers aside.

“Fili.” Kili flopped onto the bed,blankets still warm and still lingering with the scent of the blond. “You’re somean to me.” He complained petulantly.

“You make it soeasy.” Fili stepped away, an outfit held up so Kili could see. “Wear this.”

Kili looked at theoutfit and then looked at Fili. “You can’t be serious. That’s a suit.”

“Thank you CaptainObvious. You’re going to a formal youidiot. Nice suits and fancy dresses. You know Tauriel’s putting a lot of effortinto this.” Fili moved over to the bed where Kili lay, holding out the hanger.“I heard Eowyn say they’re getting their hair done and everything. You don’twant to look like a loser in jeans and a grubby t-shirt when she’s dressed likea princess, do you?”

Kili chewed his lip.Fili had a very good point and he reallywanted to impress Tauriel. He’d been crushing on her for two years and hadfinally gotten the courage to ask her out thanks to Fili’s encouragements.“You’re going to make me wear a tie with this aren’t you.” Brown eyes narrowedat the innocent smile on the blond’s face.

“Yep!” Fili chirpedhappily as he laid the suit out on the bed so Kili could change. He knewexactly where Kili kept the one tie he’d received from his grandmother oneChristmas before high school and moved over to the dresser to dig it out.

Kili groaned butrelented, getting up and changing into the suit. He was surprised it fit sincehe hadn’t worn it in forever. He looked up to find Fili staring at him, and whenthe blond realized it, he smiled and brought the tie over.

“You look good.”Fili promised as he looped the tie around Kili’s neck because Kili had neverlearned how to tie one, and besides, he kind of liked Fili doing it for himanyway. It was how they’d met and became friends after all. It was tradition.“You still look like a dork, but at least you’re a better dressed dork.”

“Thanks!” Kililaughed even as he punched Fili’s shoulder.

“You’d be lostwithout me.” Fili smirked as he pulled the knot up to Kili’s neck, wiggling thematerial until it sat in the right place. “There.” He insisted, “Dressed toimpressed.”  And then Fili did somethingthat neither expected; he kissed the end of Kili’s nose.

They both paused fora moment and stared at each other with wide eyes, blushes slowly beginning tocreep across their cheeks.

It was Fili whoshook himself out of it first and he rolled his eyes at himself, “Oh fuck it.Just have fun, alright? Do you have Tauriel’s corsage?”

“Fun. Yeah.” Kili wasmore focused on the fact that his nose was tingling than what Fili was saying.Until terror struck him hard, “Oh shit! The corsage!”

“Whoa!” Fili’s handson Kili’s shoulders were the only thing grounding the brunet. “Pretty sure yourmom stuck it in the fridge downstairs. Don’t panic, Kee. Things will work out.”He promised, and Kili hoped he was right.

***

Things with Taurieldidn’t end up working out, but things with Fili, on the other hand, did. Kilieventually learned the real reason why Fili hadn’t wanted to go to the dance,and it had pretty much changed their lives.

***

“You’re making mewear a bloody tie?” Kili looked at his boyfriend, stricken to the core as Filithreateningly held the tie in his hands. He wasn’t sure how exactly holding a tie was threateningly, but he feltthreatened.

“I let you get awaywith it at my graduation, but you’re not getting away with it for your own.”Fili insisted. Fili had always been a year ahead of Kili and had graduated theyear before. It had been lonely finishing the last year of high school withoutbeing able to see his best friend in the halls at school or being able to sitwith him at lunch or during band practices and concerts. “Your grandmother willwant pictures and you know she’ll be ecstatic if she sees you all dressed up.”

“Really?” The brunetlaughed as he surrendered and allowed Fili to loop the tie around his neck.“You’re using my grandmother as anexcuse?” He teased as he leaned forward, stealing a few kisses as Fili tried toconcentrate on tying the stupid tie. “Fee~” He sang triumphantly as he noticedthe tips of Fili’s ears turning red. “Fili.” He said more calmly, but the largeshit eating grin that had blossomed on his face wouldn’t go away. He grabbedFili’s hips even as the tie was tied.

“I find you hot in asuit okay?” Fili finally admitted, glancing up at Kili once as he slid the knotto rest just right around Kili’s neck.

This was news toKili, but pleasant news all the same. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You candress me up any time you want as long as you promise to undress me later.” Heeven wiggled his eyebrows for effect, and he got the reaction he was lookingfor.

Fili laughed, “JesusChrist you dork. But at least you’re my dork.” He shook his head beforegrabbing the tie and pulling Kili to him. A kiss was bestowed upon the tip ofKili’s nose, because along with Fili always being the one to tie Kili’s tie,the kiss had become tradition too. Another kiss was pressed to his mouth anddeepened rather quickly. When they pulled apart, they were both a littleflushed and out of breath. “Proud of you.” Fili murmured against his lips evenas their noses rubbed together.

“Thanks.” Kiligrinned, proud of himself too, and happy that things were moving along. The twoplanned on finding a place and moving out together, and who wouldn’t be excitedabout that? “Love you, you know?”

“I love you too.”

***

“Oh my god, Filino!” Kili cried as he let his shoulders slump in defeat as the blond grabbedhim and dragged him closer so that he could swing a tie around Kili’s neck.

Fierce blue eyesglared at him, daring him to put up a fight. Kili wasn’t that brave. “You are wearing a tie to my wedding, Kili,or else you’re no longer invited.” Fili’s voice was firm and all business.

The brunet grinnedeven as he straightened enough to make Fili’s job easier. “Fee, if I don’t showup to the wedding, you won’t be marrying anyone.” He pointed out cheekily,rocking back on his heals just a little because he couldn’t make it that easy, especially not when he wasalready filled to the brim with excitement.

They were getting married.

“Oh, I’m sure Icould find someone who wants to marry me.” Fili mused as he finally finishedwith the tie, straightening it more than it had to be because he was nervousand wanted things to be perfect. “I get along with your cousin. Maybe he’d beinterested.”

Kili reached up andtook a hold of Fili’s hands before his ‘fixing’ ended up untying the materialand starting all over again. “As if I could let you marry Gimli, oh my god no. I’ll wear the tie.” He promised before hebrought his fiancé’s hands up so he could kiss them both. “I’d wear a dress ifit meant marrying you.”

Fili snickered, butKili could tell he was pleased. “The tie will do.” He leaned forward and Kiliclosed his eyes, grinning at the soft press of lips to the tip of his nose. “Readyto spend the rest of our lives together?”

“So ready.”

The door to the roomthey were getting dressed in burst open and a rather frazzled redheaded maid ofhonour stood in the doorway. “Come on you two, are you getting married orwhat?” Tauriel demanded.

And the weddingbegan.

***

Kili was choking.The tie around his neck was way too tight and he couldn’t breathe. It felt likehe was suffocating around the large lump in his throat that wouldn’t go awaynot matter what he tried.

He hooked a fingerin the material and pulled, attempting to loosen it. His mother had tied it andit was uncomfortable and too tight.

“I can’t breathe.”He managed to gasp before all but collapsing on the floor where he stood; theworld beginning to dim as air refused to pass through his lungs.

“Kili. Kili, you’repanicking.” A voice said from far away but it wasn’t the right voice, it wasn’tFili. “It’s okay, just let it happen.” There was the vague sensation of a handrubbing along his back. “I think he just needs a moment. Can everybody give ussome privacy, please?”

A moment? No. Heneeded a lifetime. He couldn’t do this. This wasn’t happening. He was trappedin a nightmare and couldn’t get out. Theywere supposed to spend the rest of their lives together.

“Oh baby.” Hismother was beside him, hands too warm within his own. He felt so cold now.“Just let it happen.” She repeated, used to these panic attacks that had onlyrecently started.

Started since…

“Mom.” He finallymanaged to croak out. “I can’t do this.” He forced the words passed the lumpstill sitting in his throat. “I can’t do this. Please don’t make me do this.”He begged, his voice trembling and breaking into a sob.

“Oh honey.” Shewrapped him up in a hug, rocking him a bit in an attempt to soothe. “I wish itworked that way, baby. I hate seeing you suffer so much.” She kissed the top ofhis head and squeezed him a little tighter. “But you don’t have a choice,sweetie. You have to be strong. Fili would have wanted you to be strong.”

It was hearing thename that finally pushed the lump out of his throat, and Kili burst into messyheart shattering sobs.

How was he supposedto be strong when the only person he’d ever loved lay in the next room in afucking coffin?

He clung to hismother helplessly as his body was racked with grief. “H-how does a-anyoneexpect m-me to go on w-without him?” He whimpered into his mother’s shoulder,soaking her black dress with his tears.

Her fingers combedthrough his hair, her own voice wet with tears. “Nobody expects you to doanything right away, baby.” She promised, “You mourn him for as long as youneed, but then you take it one day at a time. Fili wouldn’t want you to be sadforever.”

“Then he shouldn’thave fucking died!” Kili almost shouted but his voice was muffled in hismother’s shoulder. “He shouldn’t have died…” He repeated brokenly, wishing hecould wake up and have Fili sleeping beside him.

But he’d never havethat again. Kili’s nightmare had just begun.

on AO3