#i feel the fucking rabbit hole consuming me again

[were-my-demons-hide]

Oh Ellie. I think they should be terrified of you.

[sassy-cass-16]

trying to coherently write out my thoughts on monstrosity in the locked tomb unexpectedly led me down a rabbit hole where i've discovered that ianthe tridentarius is the most horrifically tragic literary version of a vampire in existence. more below

Ianthe is kind of a perfect vampire. She “fucking ate Babs” in order to ascend to Lyctorhood, which is a holy position in the setting of the series, but because the whole thing relies so heavily on dramatic irony, the reader is aware that Lyctorhood is a form of monstrosity in itself. while she is a Lyctor, her form becomes more monstrous (her golden skeleton arm), she becomes immortal and gains enhanced magical death-based powers from literally feeding off of a stolen soul.

And the vampires-as-consuming-horror feature blends with the series’ recurring idea that love is an act of consumption. The Unwanted Guest is a perfect microcosm of that: Ianthe is trying to convince Palamedes (and herself) that Naberius is truly and completely dead, when in reality, his soul and hers are permeable, and her act of eating his flesh—an act that her twin sister is jealous of despite the fact that Ianthe loves her too much to kill her—has, in biological fashion, made him an inseparable part of her. She has his memories. She has his opinions on duelling.

Just as meat gives the body protein, as blood continually nourishes the vampire, Naberius gave Ianthe part of himself that she will never be rid of. If Ianthe had consumed Coronabeth, she would have at least spent eternity with the person she loves most in the world. but in believing she outsmarted the system, she became its most unfortunate victim.

Corona is mortal. Corona will age and die and Ianthe will become more and more like Naberius, losing more and more of herself to him, and Corona will never know either of them as themselves again. can you imagine. can you imagine how wretched the Tridentarii must feel?

they've been a single unit since birth. their parents defied cultural naming conventions for the specific purpose of making them into a single unit. Ianthe looks like Corona's shadow and Corona looks like Ianthe if she wasn't vitamin D deficient. can you imagine the horror of watching a part of yourself slowly wither and eventually die because you loved her too much to eat her? can you imagine the horror of your own shadow becoming someone else's, so slowly that neither of you could notice until you couldn't recognize each other anymore?

Ianthe and Harrow have one thing in common and that is loving someone too much to consume them, and paying the price. Corona and Gideon have one thing in common and that is being desperate to be consumed by the person they love the most.

Ianthe is horrible and the Lyctors are horrible because John Gaius is horrible. but the series does such a good job of showcasing what is horrible to them. the horror of god is that he's just some fucking guy. the horror of ianthe is that she's a vampire who ate the wrong person. i am spiritually biting and gnawing on these books.

[anchoeritic]

「 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄. 」

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dbf!jake sully x fem!reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: eighteen plus content (18+), reader is tsu'tey & neytiri's daughter, age gap (9-10 years), clit play, rough-ish intercourse, vaginal intercourse, oral (em rec.), choking kink, praise kink, hair pulling, dacryphilia (crying kink), stomach bulging, vaginal fingering, overstimulation (fem.), multiple orgasms, possessive dominant jake, pet names: 'peach', 'honey', etc.

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: another lonely night leads to a sinful rendezvous with none other than your dad’s best friend: jake sully.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: this is an additional part to the series. pretty much apart of their backstory but i hope you all enjoy this piece that somewhat has plot. reblogs and feedback are always appreciated. ♡

"ONE STEP AT A TIME, PEACH, " Jake led you by the tip of your fingers, dragging you across the illuminated paths.

The plants surrounding your feet slowly lit up one by one, following shortly after each step. Smaller creatures from behind the bushes were peeking out, intrigued by the sudden light fixtures.

You skipped over the rocks with ease, laughing your way across the river hand in hand with Jake. He looked back at you with the biggest smile on his face, wondering how lucky he was to finally have you in his arms at last.

Never in a million years did you expect to fall in love with Jake Sully. He was an avatar, dream walker, Toruk Makto. Most of all, he was your father's long-time friend. Their history was a bit complicated to start out, that's all you knew.

But, it's not a problem if no one finds out about it.

The moon above the two of you shined down, especially spotlighting you in your true beauty. You are in your truest happiness with the love of your life.

"Slow down!" Each step you took, the farther you fell down the rabbit hole of love, letting it consume you entirely. Anything that had to do with him was your way to go. "Jake--"

Suddenly stopped by a pair of arms around your waist, you found yourself laying under the leaves of a home tree, Jake right on top of you holding you down on the floor. You could never grow tired of this sight.

"Hi, sweet girl," he tries to flirt, "I missed you."

His hands are inching further down your body, caressing your curves, exploring his way around those familiar spots.

A low groan could be heard from him as his hand slipped between your thighs, cupping your wet cunt.

"Fuck," licking his lips, "haven't even done anything."

Soft whines left your throat feeling his fingers play around with your arousal through the thin fabric, his lengthy digit pushing it aside to make room for him.

The cold winds of Pandora hit your naked core, sending shivers down your spine. The smell of your arousal filled the air, nearly sending Jake manic at the pure thought of just tasting you.

"Mm, need you," you cry out, spreading your thighs a little wider for more access. "Missed you s'much. You don't even know."

"Tell me more, baby," he whispered.

You felt yourself get wetter thinking about the nights you spent fantasizing about him when he wasn't there; remembering how his tongue felt licking between your folds, sucking on your clit. "had me touching myself thinkin' about you between my thighs. Wish you were there instead of my fingers."

Or how his hands would wrap around your throat, choking you out until you started crying. The best memory would be his cock stretching out your pussy. "Thought about you fucking me with no mercy, Jake," you whined.

"Give it to me, please."

Taking his hand out from between your legs, he licked those same fingers clean of your wetness, sure to not waste any before he devours you whole.

Shuffling lower, he was at eye level with your clothed cunt. Without a second thought, his fingers ripped the fabric of your panties apart, leaving you completely bare once again. The elastic bands slapped against the inside of your thighs making you let out another quiet whimper.

"I'll give you everything you want, peach," he coated his own fingers in your slick, "anything for my favourite girl, you know that."

Before you could agree, his fingers slid into your wet pussy, stretching it out slowly. "J-Jake..."

"Shhh... Quiet, girl." He mumbled with a smirk, "let me make you feel good."

"I've got you, baby." His fingers moved in and out at a controlled pace, the rhythm increasing in speed with every thrust. It wasn't better that his tongue was toying around with your clit, swirling around the swollen little nub with the tip of his tongue.

"Missed this fuckin' pussy so much."

His head moved side to side, looking up at you every now and then to make sure you were only crying out of pleasure. "Jake, shit. Fuck. It was certainly confirmed when the only moans heard were his name followed by profanities.

"I know you can do it, baby."

Your thighs trembled around his head, feeling your release come faster than you thought. His tongue truly touched your soul, the edges of that muscle were indescribable.

"Give it to me. Give me all of you."

"U-Ugh, Jake... 'M cummin'." It didn't take long for you to let out one last wail, falling limp under your release. It washed over you like a tsunami, sending you over the moon.

The release didn’t last long as his fingers kept plunging into you at the same speed, tongue licking up the aftermath like you hadn’t just came. The tension in your stomach was building up again, the knot tightening with every nerve being pleasured.

“I know you have another one in you,” he hummed into your core, sending vibrations throughout your body, “such a good girl.”

Before you knew it, another wave had come crashing down on you; faster and more intense than the last, this one had you pulling at the roots of Jake's hair, trying to pull him away.

"Please, please," You breathe out, "Jake!"

The sound of your cries was like music to his ears, the chords of your plead causing his dick to grow tighter in his underwear, ready to burst from the seams.

Pulling away from your cunt, he dove down to your face, pressing a well-needed kiss to your lips. Not wanting to let go, your arms wrapped around his torso tightly, tugging him closer to you.

His hands were placed at the sides of your head, holding your head upright to deepen the kiss.

Your tongues were fighting for dominance, the ultimate loss coming to your end after your hips started to rock against his thigh, an unexpected sound distracting your own self.

That was his final straw.

His hands came down from your face, grabbing ahold of each of your ankles before pushing them up and resting them against his shoulder blades for support. "I missed you so much, peach."

"Missed you more, Jake."

His clothed cock was sitting right up on your bare pussy, your opening waiting for him to fill you up to the brim.

The kiss came to an end once your hand dipped down between the both of you, wrapping itself around the base of his length. A seductive giggle was only heard from you, the pumps of his cock had Jake groan shortly behind.

"Put it in," he begged, "fuck, sweetheart. Don't play around."

With the swift movement of your hand, you pushed the head of his member inside of you finally, pushing noises out of you both.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the bigger stretch of his cock, prepared to reach the stars outside of Pandora.

He started off with slow thrusts of his hips, gradually growing faster with your begs. "Faster, please!"

Although the stretch stings a little, the fullness is comforting as your hands rest against Jake's chest as you take his cock.

He cries, "Fuck, baby, that's it, you took me, all of me."

You groan as you open your eyes and glance down to see the bulge caused by Jake being seated tightly inside of you.

"Fuck me, use my cock to make yourself feel good," he places a palm to your stomach.

You don't need to be reminded twice, so start swaying your hips.

Everything intensifies as he presses harder on your lower abdomen, and you whimper in agony, "baby..."

He assists, occasionally thrusting into you without warning, which only increases the pressure in your stomach. Despite knowing what would happen, you aren't afraid, only embracing the bliss.

"Nice and slow, baby," he rocks deeper into you, brushing against your cervix, "atta, girl!"

"I know you need to cum, baby," he kisses down your face, "fuckin' squirt like the good girl you are."

That was all it took for you to reach your third high of the night; this one is the best overall.

You couldn't hold back your release, squirting all over his lower half.

Your nails were scratching at his back, dragging across his skin, and leaving engraved lines into him. Teeth biting at his shoulder, nearly drawing crimson as your wetness coated everything of him.

"That's my girl," he continued to coo at you, wiping your tears away from your cheeks, "so proud of you, babygirl."

"Never been so proud of my peach, shhh.."

[exhuastedpigeon]

✨ 2023 writing round-up ✨

I posted the more words to Ao3 this year than I have in any other previous year, which is wild since I only really started writing again in June. It's wild the choke hold that Eddie Diaz and Evan Buckley have on me. Here's my writing round-up for 2023 :)

June

If we’re both still single… Teen || 2.9k

This was my first Buddie fic. Little did I know I was about to fall down the fucking rabbit hole.

“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to repeat that for me?” Eddie had a beer halfway to his lips, his arm slung lazily on the back of the couch. “If we’re both still single when we’re 35, we should just get married,” Buck repeated, as casually as if he was saying they should order pizza or change the channel from the basketball game to hockey. 

let me see them tan lines Teen || 2.8k

Four times the 118 notices Eddie Diaz's ring tan line and one time he was wearing a ring.

give me a sign, I want you next to me Teen || 7k

Buck loves working at the 118. He loves living in LA. He loves his kid. He loves the life they've manage to build. The only thing he doesn't love is that his husband is across the world in a war zone. OR The 118 knows Buck has a really cute kid and a partner he loves, they just think that partner is his husbands ex.

July

it's like everything you say is a sweet revelation Mature || 5.6k

“Marry me,” Eddie said. It wasn’t a question, it was a sentence. He said it like he was commenting on the weather or last night's Dodgers game. Buck slowly lowered his coffee cup, eyes wide. Eddie lifted his drink and took a sip, a satisfied hum escaped him as he did. “Come again?” “Marry me,” Eddie took another sip of his coffee. “Please?”

boiling point Teen || 2k

Growing up, Buck heard the story about frogs and boiling water, that if you put a frog into boiling water, it’ll jump out, but if you put the frog is put in room temperature water and then slowly bring it to a boil, the frog won’t perceive the danger and will be boiled to death. When he was a kid, he had believed it, like so many other stories and fables. OR Evan Buckley's extremely extended metaphor for loving Eddie Diaz.

August

wet your lips (and smile to the camera) Mature || 6.8k

Buck has a problem and that problem is that Eddie Diaz is going to ruin his life. OR Eddie starts modeling on the side and Buck can't stop looking at his pictures, mostly because Eddie's ads are everywhere.

you are the only one that needs to know Teen || 2k

"You're not my dirty little secret. And I never want you to think that,” Buck says it practically into Eddie’s mouth, with a hand on Eddie’s chest. He shoves him, gently, into the Grant-Nash laundry room next to the bathroom. “But…” “But?” Eddie grins, feels the way Buck is grinning against his lips too and lets himself be moved backward until he collides with the washing machine. “But… I will miss sneaking off to make out with you when we finally tell everyone."

this kiss is something I can't resist Mature || 1.6k

Happiness snuck up on Evan Buckley like a summer storm in Florida, but unlike a summer storm, the happiness he was feeling didn’t seem to be going anywhere. If anything, it was getting bigger, the feeling threatening to jump out of his chest at any moment. 

take my hand, don't let it go Teen || 2.3k

In retrospect, dating a death doula pretty soon after one of the most traumatic experiences of Buck’s life, an experience where he actually died, was maybe not Buck’s smartest decision. In which Buck realizes that dating Natalia isn't what he needs and talks to Eddie about their shared death related trauma.

you're the cream in my coffee Explicit || 8.6k

“Dad, did you know there’s a coffee that’s made of poop!” “It’s not actually made of poop, bud,” Buck grinned, handing Eddie Chris’s backpack. “It’s partially digested cherries. The cherries actually ferment as they’re being passed through the civet’s intestines. They disinfect them and everything before they’re consumed.” “Yeah! That! It’s called copy loo-wake” “Kopi luwak.” “Uh huh!” “I take it you had fun with your Buck today, huh?” “Buck's the best dad!”

September

a dream is a wish your heart makes General || 3.3k

It takes a soft, domestic dream about Buck for Eddie to realize what's been true for a long time - he's in love with his best friend.

October

Hot and Heavy Explicit || 9.4k

Eddie can admit without shame that he’s having a bit of a hoe phase. He’s thirty, recently out of the closet, and even more recently single, he’s allowed to have some fun. In fact, he’s pretty sure it’s basically a requirement that he fuck around since he didn’t get to do it when he was younger. OR Five times Eddie had casual sex with someone who wasn't Buck and the time they finally got their shit together

Feels Like Magic Teen || 47.8k

“You used too much magic again,” Buck’s voice was quiet as he spoke, but he knew Eddie heard him. “You’re alive,” Eddie’s eyes were closed, but Buck knew the look Eddie would be giving him if they had been open. It was the same look Eddie had given him when he had said ‘because, Evan, you think you’re expendable but you’re not’. It was a look that made Buck feel truly and completely seen in a way he never had before. “There’s no such thing as too much if it saves you.” “Go to sleep,” Buck said, because if he left himself say anything else he’d be telling Eddie he loved him and he didn’t think in the bunk room at two in the morning after an exhausting call was the right moment, but then again, Buck was pretty sure he’d be taking that secret to his grave.

November

kiss and make up Explicit || 3.3k

Eddie always thought that if he and Buck ever kissed it would be in the heat of the moment, it would be pure relief that they were still alive. Maybe after a big rescue or (another) near death experience. That if it wasn’t in the heat of the moment as they both came down from an adrenaline rush that it would be something soft, probably in one of their kitchens while they did the dishes. He always figured that the first kiss would be like a homecoming. (Not that Eddie thought about kissing Buck often, because he doesn’t do that.) Instead of being soft and sweet or adrenaline fueled and filled with love and thanks that they're both alive, their first kiss comes in the middle of a fight in Eddie’s living room.

gold when you see me Teen || 4.3k

"Ouch,” Eddie says when he lands, his teeth clacking in his head. His ass hurts in an extremely unfun way, his ankle feels terrible, and he’s seeing spots. None of that is good news. “Eddie?” Buck sounds panicked. “Eddie?” “Down here,” Eddie calls up. He’s definitely going to have a bruised tail bone and there’s a pretty decadent chance that he’s sprained his ankle, if not broken it. He’s a little too shaken up to try to get up right now, especially since it's not like he’s not going to be able to get himself out of here. He takes a deep breath and feels every second of it in his ribs. On the bright side, they don't feel broken, just bruised. Buck’s face, illuminated by nothing but Eddie’s flashlight and Buck’s own, appears in the hole that Eddie fell through. “You okay?” Eddie will explore the tremor in Buck’s voice later, right now he needs to get out of this fucking hole before it caves in even more. “Definitely a little banged up, but I landed on the ground, not anything else.”

wanna lose my mind in a hotel room with you Explicit || 4.1k

"Think you’ll ever have that kind of love?” Eddie asks as he leans against the wall with a beer in his hand at Maddie and Chimney’s engagement party. He’s got a fond look on his face, if not a little wistful as he turns to face Buck. “I hope so,” Buck says with a small smile on his face as he looks from Maddie and Chim dancing with Jee-Yun between them to Eddie. He’s pretty sure he’s already got half of a love like that standing next to him, he just isn’t sure if it’s reciprocated. “I-I really hope so.” “Want to dance with me?” Eddie asks after a few seconds of quiet between them, his eyes bright in the yellow light of the string lights that crisscross the patio. 

December

it hurts to hope for more Mature || 15.5k

“I’m never - I’m never going to be a dad,” Buck sobs into Eddie’s shoulder. “She didn’t want kids. Why do I keep dating people who don’t want the same things as me? Is- is the universe telling me that I don’t deserve it?” “Hey, no,” Eddie pulls back from the hug and Buck lets out a pitiful sound at the loss of contact. “The universe doesn’t do that. The universe doesn’t scream and it definitely doesn’t get to tell you what you deserve, because you deserve everything Buck. Everything.” OR Buck wants to be a dad, it takes a couple break-ups and a major non-romantic heartbreak for him to figure out that maybe he already is.

can't make it stop, give me all you got Explicit || 4.1k

“Are we really doing this?” Buck’s lips graze the shell of Eddie’s ear as he speaks. They're in a club, the music is loud, so Eddie would have chalked the proximity of Buck’s mouth up to that, but Buck nips at his earlobe. “I think we are,” Eddie grins and turns his face to capture Buck’s mouth with his. He doesn’t care that they’re probably in view of all of their friends. He doesn’t care that there are sweaty, dancing bodies all around them. All he can think about is the way Buck’s hands feel on his waist, the way Buck’s breath hitches as Eddie grabs a handful of his ass. OR Eddie and Buck fuck in a club at Pride

[bluejeanstrash]

one time I had a dream about cheol (it lasted for only a few seconds so I woke up really mad) but the image was a true vision and I still think about it to this day 😫 it was about him with black hair parted in the middle with one eyebrow raised, fully naked, lounging on soft pink sheets and he was staring right through my soul and flexing those beefy arms. it's tattooed into my brain forever 🫠 also I won't be mad if you write a short drabble on this in fact I encourage it

anon, you’ve sent me down a rabbit hole of cheol thoughts 🫠 also justice for you fr. i hope you dream it again and much much longer 🫶 here’s a very short little drabble because seungcheol’s laying on soft pink sheets.

----- ♡ -----

‘show me’ he says, eyebrow raised, leaning against the cushioned headboard.

you untie the knot on your silk robe as it slips off you, falling to the floor. clinging onto each curve of your body is the lingerie seungcheol’s bought you.

it’s delicate, pretty, feminine, and the blush pink looks beautiful against your skin.

as seungcheol takes it all in - you in lacy, sheer, silky lingerie complete with stockings, and a garter, he’s sick with lust.

and that’s before you’ve even turned around. because when you do, and he sees that satin bow in your hair, he can feel himself losing control.

he’s wanted to see you in this lingerie forever. he’d planned to take his time savouring you in it, and make love to you, gentle and sweet. but actually seeing you wear it makes him want to rip it right off.

you look so angelic, but his mind is consumed with filth. he imagines the lace panties stuffed in your mouth as he enters you, your muffled moans filling the hotel room. he thinks of your head bobbing up and down his cock so all he can see is that pretty bow in your hair. he imagines you with tears streaming down your face, getting fucked so good that you can’t help but cry. he imagines you on your knees, begging for his cum.

snap out of it, he scolds himself.

you run your hands down the silky fabric nervously.

‘do you like it?’ you ask, unsure, because he hasn’t said a word yet.

‘you look gorgeous, doll’ he means it. you do look beautiful. he just thinks you look so beautiful that he wants to ruin you.

----- ♡ -----

drabble 2

[aingeal98]

Ask Meme: 9 People you'd like to get to know better.

Thanks for tagging me! @mysteriousbeetle

Three non romantic duos: Superhero brained at the moment so Babs and Cass obviously but also May and Daisy the best dynamic the mcu ever created. And finally I'm gonna go with Logan and Laura because they've been on my mind since the new deadpool movie.

a ship that might surprise others: For comics fandom the main one I can think of is bbrae since it's usually viewed in comic circles with the same contempt/annoyance as all other comic dynamics that change deliberately and clunkily because of tv/movies. But fuck it the teen titans cartoon was my entry to dc and they made little teen me feel so many emotions. Sorry to raven fans I can't hate them even though I would join u throwing wolfman era gar into a spike pit.

last song: begin again by Purity Ring and Run Away by Tzuyu.

last film: deadpool and wolverine. still think its mediocre still don't regret it

currently reading: just finished The Midnight Library and currently debating which book to start next. In terms of comics there's the orv webtoon and wfa weekly and tec and bop monthly and that's about it at the moment.

currently watching: can't actually remember the last tv show I watched lmao it was probably hotd. I'll just go with youtube right now. Currently going down a Supacell rabbit hole so that might be the next thing I watch.

currently consuming: Every Cass fic on ao3 and every good mom Talia fic. Bookmarking all the Cass fics so I can have my own personal library. Also playing the Sims Medieval a ton because I'm a stubborn completionist and I need ALL the achievements.

currently craving: Sleep and the ability to write more words without needing to stop. Whyyy can't stories just write themselves especially oc lore that's existed in my head for years.

Still too timid to tag anyone so I'll just say as usual, if you feel like piggybacking off of this then please don't hesitate! :D

[1-800-cr33py]

Hi! I recently dive deep into the rabbit hole of your amazing works! I'm impressed by your dedication and work!

Lately, A strong wave of nostalgia washed over my mind and I was wondering if you could write another prompt about HABIT, a darker one. I want to leave further details as a free choice, as that the final result..would be something you never tried before while writing about him.

I don't know how much this is making sense, but...I'm happy you're bearing with me! Thank you so much for your time and understanding! Take care of yourself, your health, eat well, drink well, sleep well! With the best regards and admiration,

-Yours.

a/n: oh my I love getting asks like this ^^! If darker is what you want, then who am I to deny? Something I haven’t written is certainly a broad spectrum but I’ll do my best to deliver! Best wishes to this anon! If this is shorter than wanted I do apologize I’ve been in a mental rut for a while now. a/n #2: this was a harder write for me, seeing as I put my own experiences. If you or anybody you love is experiencing any domestic abuse/suicidal thoughts or actions, please seek immediate help.

TW: Dead Dove Do Not Eat, heavy violence, blood, gore, abuse, If you are not within the right mental frame do consume media like this please do not click read more. I wish you all the best.

His cackle could be the only thing heard despite the distance between the two of you. You’d been running for what seemed like hours, with thick globs of blood burning your eyes, whether it belonged to you wasn’t your main focus. It was some sick game, a game in which you played into like a willful pawn. You thought, that in some way he could love you again if you stayed, if you kept your mouth shut about this. About all of this. The murder, the torture, the sickening shit that lingered within his mind. These type of things were something only a mind as sick as his could concoct, you swear it. It started off slow, it really did. The sudden roughness, the manhandling when it wasn’t called for, then that morphed into the cutting. You can still recall the first time feeling the cold steel of his knife glide across your skin, and it cut so easily, like butter. He, Evan, HABIT- whatever its name was, would tend to them, kissing your tears that spilled from your misty eyes away. He made an effort to praise you then, to congratulate you on making him “so fucking proud”. ‘What a load of bullshit’ you’d think to yourself. Trees and fallen limbs only served to hinder your progress, but the fleeting chance of escaping this monster proved more tempting. This wasn’t your fault, you knew that, no one deserves to go through something like this, but the pit in your stomach told you that you should’ve left when it started, should’ve seen the warning signs. You’re nearing the edges of the forest now, better hurry.

Gasps for air could be heard throughout the house, it echoed down the empty halls that were devoid of anything attached to its previous owner. The only light was pouring from the bathroom, where you and your capture were. His grip upon your hair was tight, leaving your scalp burning. Snot and tears poured down your face as he dunk your head into the water-filled tub, your hands pushing the edge in an attempt to find some kind of leverage against the man above you. Just as your lungs began to burn, you were pulled from the water once more, a sickening cackle permeated from the brunette above. His eyes were dark, lined with malice and hate. Habit muttered something, but in your current state you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You pleaded, begged him to let you go for what seemed like hours now, and all you got in return was a swift plunge into the water once more. Globs of snot rolled from your nose as your lungs begged for oxygen. With your vision hazy, brain reduced to mush as Habit shook your head. You wish you could hear the shouts escaping your once lover’s mouth, but your mind wouldn’t allow it. Dissociation had become your haven during times like this. It was the only way you knew how to survive. Habit threw your head down, scalp burning with the sudden release of his grip. You wanted to thank whatever higher being there was, but you learned long ago that no loving god would allow anyone to experience this. No merciful deity would hear someone so clearly in desperation and despair crying and turn a blind eye to this!

You’d lay awake that night, your bedding cold and a stark reminder of what was once the perfect image of domesticity between the two of you. Habit didn’t sleep much anymore, leaving the bedroom the one place you were truly ever alone. One, two, three, four you’d count the indents within the popcorn ceiling, doing something, anything to keep your mind away from the burn that still lingered within your lungs. Why? Why why why did it have to be you. You did everything right that you could think to do, so why? This existential limbo you’d find yourself trapped in, this cycle of abuse. Why? You knew the answer. You knew it like the back of your hand. You, ever so hopeful you, held onto hope that somewhere between those layers and pools of hate, hope that Evan was still there. Hope that your once doting and happy lover would suddenly form at your feet and kiss the bruises and burns away. Turning to gaze out of the dusty window, pale light spilling into room.

Still.

Everything was so still.

Your hand toyed with the damp hem of your shirt, frayed thread getting caught between your broken nails. You should be crying, running towards said window and finding your own escape; yet you couldn’t. Couldn’t bring your shaky legs to that window. Not when…you didn’t know why actually. The sinking feeling that Evan was never coming back was beginning to cement itself within you. The knowing that this, this cycle was your new reality began to emerge as you turned your head back to the ceiling.

This was it.

There was no light at the end your tunnel, not without the grace of dying to achieve it.

You sighed, and with shaking legs threw your body over the side of the cold bed. There’d been a bottle of pills on your bedside unknown of their usage. He put them there to taunt you, you were sure. He called you weak, stupid for believing he’d ever give a fuck about a useless meat sack like you. You cringed, remembering how demeaning it was to feel his spit land on your face, how degrading. With a trembling hand, you reached for the orange bottle. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. All fear, anxiety, and anger melted away as you opened the bottle.

This was you taking back control.

This was your last chance to save yourself before everything you loved and held dear about your person. This was escape.

You made solace as you held down vomit, every instinct telling you to run to that bathroom and throw your stomach up. You fought, like you always did. This was your running to that window.

This was escape.

[elliethefroggy]

(Based on this prompt)

“You taste like how wet dogs smell,” Chiara complained, retching into the pink bucket they usually reserved for cleaning. She was sitting her coffin, head close to disappearing within the bucket so as to avoid any unwanted spillage. The satin lining her coffin was a bitch to clean after all.

“OK. First, rude. Second, that makes no fucking sense,” Devin said, standing in the doorway of the dark room, his large bulk blocking out most of the light from the hallway, the smell emanating from the bucket keeping him well away.

“You gave me food poisoning!” She hissed at him, fangs extended, eyes blood red.

“You tried to eat me!” Devin squawked back, hands raised in exasperation.

“I only wanted a snack,” Chiara moaned in between retches.

“That’s what the blood bags are for.”

“But they never taste as nice,” she spat out the last of her bile into the bucket. Amazing how much vomit such a small person can expel. “It’s not like I would have killed you,” and then under her breath, “Maybe.”

“Heard that.”

“Stupid werewolf hearing,” she muttered to herself and, subsequently, to the werewolf.

“No,” Devin said, “You’re just a terrible whisperer.”

Chiara hissed again, fangs gleaming under what little of the hallway light managed to sneak past Devin’s mass.

Devin was unimpressed. It’s hard to be intimidated by a vampire cowering her coffin because she’s got a bit of a tummy ache.

“I can’t believe you never told me,” Chiara said, making sure to infuse as much betrayal in her voice as she could.

“Honestly, I thought you knew. I mean, what the fuck do you think I was doing every full moon?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you were PMSing or something.”

“PMSing?” Devin asked, more bewildered than exasperated now.

“Some people’s cycles can get very violent,” Chiara said defensively.

“I don’t think going into the woods to slaughter innocent rabbits to satiate one’s bloodlust is a very common symptom of PMS.”

“Goes to show how much you know,” Chiara huffed and finally done retching, placed the pink bucket on her coffin-side table.

She bundled herself up under layers and layers of deep red blankets, not dissimilar in colour to the blood red satin of her black, ornate coffin which paired nicely with the red and black floral wallpaper. Chiara had a theme and she stuck with it admirably.

“Though that would explain all the raw steaks you consume,” Chiara said, after a moment’s reflection, “And your hatred of the postman.”

“Maybe if Rony were better at his job, I wouldn’t need to hate him.”

Chiara sat up suddenly, dozens of blankets pooling into her lap.

“Wait. Are you the one who’s been digging holes in the garden?”

Devin thought about defending himself, thought about outright lying, but he’d never been very good at that, “I needed somewhere to bury all my bones,” he finally admitted.

“You arsehole! You blamed it on the neighbour’s pomeranian.”

“Sprinkles is hardly innocent; she is an equal participant in the excavation work.”

Chiara was about to retort before she leaned over the coffin, only just managing to get her head over the bucket in time for more fluid to spew out of her mouth.

She groaned as dramatically as she could in her state, and threw her covers over herself, burrowing into the fabric until there was nothing but her deep red eyes and a thin sliver of her pale face—paler than usual—peaking out.

Devin did feel a bit bad about the whole thing, mostly because Chiara was looking especially pathetic and especially small in her oversized coffin (she needed the XL coffin because, apparently, she liked to stretch out during her slumber; Devin thought she just liked to be ostentatious).

“Why don’t I go and find you a nice human you can eat? Would that make you feel better?” Devin asked.

“It might,” she said, her voice muffled. She peered out from underneath the blanket. “Could you get me a type O+?”

“Okay. Type O+.”

“And a virgin?” She asked, pushing her luck.

“Alright, a virgin,” he sighed, rolling his eyes.

He turned away and made to close to the door only to stop when her small voice emanated once again from the pile of blankets.

“Could you clean the bucket before you go?”

“Of course,” Devin stepped into the room, breathing through his mouth.

[enigmatist17]

Okay, I finally have all the episodes done, and man oh man do I have thoughts.

First off, I can see why people compared this a lot to BTAS, and tbf I did too, but it's just not BTAS. While it has a lot of the same vibes, it makes its own 1940's noir style, which I think really works for the most part. Gorgeous city and background, but I can see the Bruce Timm "similar faces for certain characters" thing going on, which does kind of take me out of things a little. Love the fighting, love the gore and deaths that very much feel in tune for the gritty Gotham/DC world, love some takes on early villains that I kind of hope we see later on in more seasons. Over all I think it's a solid 8/10, and I need more of this show.

So there are some...issues ---

I really didn't like how Bruce is such a dick to Alfred, like come on guys :/

I get this is the early years, and usually he's kind of standoffish, but there were a few times he was just downright nasty and I am not with that >:/

Was also not a fan of Harley's redesign and how short her arc was, she needed more time before the big reveal of how she's already down the rabbit hole, which, while that's a nice change, felt very abrupt and I don't like how that all ended with such a small amount of time to see her on the other side. I really hope she kicks ass in a potential second season, and generally I just want to see where she goes before Joker.

Not cool they made Bullock corrupt yet again, poor dude can't catch a break I stg.

ALSO WHY DID YOU KILL HARVEY/TWO-FACE ARE YOU FOR SERIOUS

WE COULD HAVE HAD THINGS MAN, WE COULD HAVE HAD SUCH A COOL FUCKING STORY WITH HIM AAAAAAAAAA

And fuuuuuuuck that reveal at the end

Onto the more positive things ---

I love love love love love the Two-Face angle they went with, where he is the non-aggressor and Harvey is the one off of his nut. It really works with how they showed him to be through the season, kind enough but 100% in it for himself/his campaign, and to let that desire and paranoia to consume him as opposed to pouring it into making Two-Face was a refreshing take for him. It's a FUCKING SHAME THEY KILLED HIM COME ON.

Really liked Nocturna(?), I know she was supposed to be in BTAS but was considered too dark for the time, so it was nice to see some concepts being shown here.

Alfred is and always will be the GOAT, that's about it for him. Same with Jim Gordon, dude was solid as he was practical, and as always I love him <3

Even though her name was dumb, I really didn't care about Oswalda being genderbent? She was ruthless and just as horrendous as I expected, and I'm here for that.

Overall I liked it, 10 episodes is far too short IMO, but hopefully we get more in the future!

[alicethepiper]

hehe i like tag games - nine people I'd like to know better (but I think nini already tagged most of our fellow RE mutuals lol) thank you for tagging me @goodpointsandbadpoints <3

last song i listened to: it was either "Ghosts Embodied" by Nahko And Medicine For The People OR it was "Good Luck, Babe!" by Chappell Roan (are we surprised) - those are the two latest songs i've downloaded and i've just been switch swapping between the two for short drives.

currently watching: okay SO i just finished season 2 of Interview with the Vampire and BROTHER IT WAS SO- RAGGHHHHH i literally binged that all last week. i watched the '94 movie because it had been on my list forever and i was like "this is so gay?? i love this??" and so i booted up the tv show (which i only found out existed because i googled how many books there were in the series) AND IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. I WAS SO FUCKING HOOKED. anyways. that's the last "new" show i watched; the last show i had on and watched was Resident Alien. i rewatch that one constantly. it's just a feel good show at this point even though it's genuinely great (and it having resident in the name is just coincidence).

(rereading this and it actually may have been HBO'S The Last of Us?? another good one for a rewatch. i also did watch World War Z again the other night. it's all jumbling together and i don't remember the order sorry. noticing a theme with the media i consume? it's either zombies, vampires, or residents)

sweet/savory/spicy: ptfff it's a toss up honestly. sweet when it comes to fruity stuff specifically, so i guessss i'd have to go with savory here.

relationship status: single - ive spent the past year planning to move, so ive made no effort to date - and also i spent a good chunk of time in a relationship and feel like im still on reprieve (that may not be the right word but idk). i'll only be moving briefly before heading back to where i am now (hopefully also brief 😭), so i cant imagine the relationship status changing for a while, but im a happy single :)

current obsession: alright bruthers we know the answer to this one. honestly resi has been a consistent obsession among a wider obsession of horror games for the past five years or so, but the past eight months (roughly) ive fallen in DEEP. quite literally alice in the rabbit hole, etc. and i blame all of my lovely mutuals and all of the lovely fanfiction ive read and all of the lovely fanart ive consumed <3

okay i can definitely think of more than nine people but here are some that i didn't see tagged - no pressure to do it and also sorry if you were previously tagged 😭

@resident-rats

@lightenupcowboy

@kinoko-kai

@murderturtles

@samblerambles

@phoenixmetaphor

also - completely off topic but i feel that it is important for the court to know (meaning i just find it fun): @resident-rats and @lightenupcowboy you both have re4r leon as your pfp, so i always get y'all briefly confused, but you are both known to me respectively (and lovingly) as "mr. rats" and "mr. cowboy" - if you ever have a problem with those names please let me know 😭

THANK YOU FOR THE TAG NINI <3

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

cw// vent below the cut!

no outright triggering content mentioned but references to trauma/ptsd (this is vaguely selfship related i promise snjkfhfndsj).

LONG, sorry . beware! but i've been trying to examine myself a little more closely lately and i just got carried away ig

i sort of always feel like i'm alone in this, i guess i was wondering if anyone else feels the same way in any capacity?

so i've always been a really naturally creative person; when i was younger i was the kid that was always doodling all over their assignments; i would win art and writing contests, stuff like that. it's a lot of artists and imaginative ppl on here specially in the selfship community, so i'm sure y'all will understand this, but being "creative" was kind of literally my entire identity growing up. i preferred fiction to reality and never understood how to get along with the other kids, so it became my escape , whether i was creating or consuming media. it was , in entirety, who i was.

except when i got a little older, i went through a traumatic event. i won't get into specifics, but i was diagnosed with ptsd among other things. and i pretty much blocked it all out! only recently, years later, have i started to realize the effects the trauma actually had on me.

i noticed that my creativity is basically GONE. i'm unable to come up with plotlines in my head; only when i'm very strictly guided by a pre-determined objective or assignment requirement. when i was younger i could write elaborate fantasy storylines with dragons n shit, fully fleshed out character archetypes and interactions, but now it's like my mind is a total fucking blank. NOTHING comes up. especially dialogue; i'm just not capable of imagining it. art is the same way.

it's honestly insane. i don't even remember what it was like to have natural imagination. i miss it more than anything and i feel like i've lost something intensely important. not to mention how ingrained it was in my identity. it's all i was, yet it all stopped after i experienced trauma.

i feel so alone, and it really ties into my relationship with self-shipping. as much comfort as self-shipping brings me, i feel so very invalidated by the fact that i'm not able to create or write content for my ship. i try, but i just can't do it in the end. i see others that make these beautiful drawings or these deep meaningful fanfics and i feel so guilty. like i'm less dedicated, and it makes my relationship/my account less valid, not only to myself but to everyone else. my f/o deserves more than that, but i can't give it to them. in real life, they'd probably be with someone else who could instead. yk that sort of thing :'( it's a whole rabbit hole of thinking that i'll just cut off now but yeah u get the point. super guilty.

i could go on with this for hours but it's already super long. but yeah. the original intention of this blog was for me to try writing again but in a way that was comfortable and safe for me, by combining it w my biggest coping mechanism LOL. i've made some baby steps in my drafts but we'll see how it goes ig. just wanted to get this off my chest and see if maybe anyone else has had a similar experience, idk it just makes me feel so guilty and like i'm a fraud of myself in general :'3

[tobisfoundlogs]

The third log..

He missed a couple days before he made this, something he talks about for a little though we don't know the reasoning for why we can infer it was his obsession.

This log is unique like only a couple others me and my team have been able to find. It mentions his life, although not for long we get some insight into his childhood.

1.5.22

Skipping a couple days, huh? Guess even I need a break from this shit sometimes. But here I am again, back at it.

Funny how the mind works, isn't it? How it latches onto something, twists it, turns it into something it was never meant to be. And fuck here I am, caught in its tangled web, unable to break free.

Sometimes, when I'm not drowning in thoughts of Kurt and the stupid case, I think back to my old school days. Middle school, specifically. The time when I first came out as trans and gay. Yeah, that was fucking fun.

The stares, the whispers behind my back, the isolation. God fuck, I was so fucking lonely back then. But I guess I've always been good at pushing people away. A defense mechanism you could call it. Can't get hurt if you don't let anyone in, right?

But enough about that. Back to Kurt. Because of fucking course, it always comes back to him. The enigma, the mystery that's slowly consuming me from the inside fucking out.

I still don't know what I'm hoping to find. Closure, maybe? Answers? Or fuck maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to keep digging deeper, to keep running from whatever demons lurk in the darkest corners of my mind.

Either way, I can feel myself slipping further down the rabbit hole with each passing day. And part of me wonders if I'll ever find my way back out again

[chipped-chimera]

FOR THE TIRED PEOPLE: Some new research about Chronic + ADHD(inattentive) related fatigue, and BCAAs

[DISCLAIMER // I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PRACTITIONER. I AM NOT A DIETICIAN. I'm just a big tired nerd with way too much time on my hands who likes science. I am however, sharing this because this could potentially help others and BCAAs are already safe for human consumption, widely used and easily accessible. If you are uncertain about adding BCAAs to your diet please talk to your doctor first. There are also some medications which interact negatively with BCAA's. Do your research. Also generally be careful about taking medical advice from the internet! ]

I was going to post about something else but I went down the rabbit hole of explaining this study I read and decided that no, this needed it's own thing or it's gonna be a mile long.

So in one of my usual weekly fatigue breakdowns where I was scraping the internet for any kind of information that might point out something I've SURELY missed to explain why I feel the way I do, I stumbled across this study published last year (2022) -

[ The relationship between central fatigue and Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder of the inattentive type ]

The TL;DR on the paper - our previous assumptions about the tryptophan-serotonin system might be wrong (tryptophan being the precursor for a bunch of stuff, including melatonin which is the sleepy chemical - aka why people say drink warm milk before bed to help sleep, that's tryptophan) what was previously assumed was reducing tryptophan = bad because it could affect serotonin production.

Testing in rats (so grain of salt here) indicated that higher levels of tryptophan =/= higher levels of serotonin and when reducing the level of free tryptophan in the bloodstream it returned to baseline. High levels of tryptophan were associated with fatigue and inattention, and rats on a tryptophan deficient diet by contrast took longer to reach a state of exhaustion. I'm skipping over a bunch of stuff but basically - research is now pointing to both Chronic Fatigue and ADHD related fatigue being related to Central Nervous System Fatigue which up until now, has only really been associated with the fatigue athletes experience when exercising really hard (now just picture me doing jack shit and feeling like that every day. Yeah). I've only just stared to see bits and pieces pop up about this recently but nothing in relation to this tryptophan study.

Anyway, the thing about BCAAs: BCAAs (Branched Chain Amino Acids) are currently used to reduce the uptake of tryptophan in the brain for better performance in athletes, help with reduction of exercise fatigue (CNS fatigue) and muscle building. You can pretty easily find BCAA's added to protein-shakes or in it's own kind of supplement. It also occurs naturally in some foods (Beef, Chicken, Eggs, Lentils, Chickpeas, Brown Rice etc.) so it is absolutely safe to consume. It's also generally fairly affordable (especially compared to the lengthy process of treatment + medications that might not even work and you have to keep changing them, yes I am talking from personal experience).

Again, this is all very new and absolutely needs so much more research because up until now, no one has really been sure what causes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but tests have shown that those suffering CFS demonstrate similar activation of their muscles as fatigued athletes - as in they could activate them but not to their full capacity. This connection is only considered 'possible' and it might take a good few years before we can say anything with certainty.

But as an extremely tired bitch who is extremely tired of being extremely fucking tired, I am sharing this because it's easy to get, safe, and affordable and if you're like me you're about ready to try anything. And it's not another goddamn pill (I'm on 14 a day).

Also for the ADHDers specifically: protein rich diets are usually advised for us because it helps with the metabolism of stimulants, and can help with softening medication crashes when they wear off. So adding a protein shake with BCAAs to your morning routine might be a good idea. Or just any protein shake in general.

There can be side effects to taking BCAAs, but it is considered rare and this depends entirely on the person. Cross check existing medications, talk to your doc etc. if you are not 100% certain adding BCAAs to your diet is possible. Stay safe peeps.

[xythlia]

I wanna tell a story about my friend.

My friend McKenna died at 21 from a massive heart attack, and it surprised absolutely everyone because she was the epitome of Instagram fitness girlie. To the outside observer, she was the picture of health for a 21 woman. During her autopsy they realized she had severe damage to several organs, including the heart, because in order to achieve that level of "fitness" she had been abusing drugs (steroids & amphetamines) as well as engaging in incredibly dangerous disordered eating which had just left her body so vulnerable to something like a massive cardiac event there was no way she could've survived it.

I just want people to keep this in mind when you're consuming that type of content online because most of the time these people are achieving that look by using things like steroids and amphetamine. It doesn't align with the usual mental image of some roided out huge dude but it's actually the truth because those "results" really aren't achievable without putting yourself in incredible danger. It hurts, still, to know she felt so much mental anguish over her looks & how people perceived her that she went to those lengths to be "pretty" and it ultimately killed her. She loved her purple silk bedsheets more than anything because she said everyone deserves to sleep on whatever makes them feel like a princess/prince, her favorite animal was actually a butterfly & loved going to butterfly gardens, she was incredibly smart with her degree in chemistry, when I went through an incredibly horrible event on campus she walked me to and from anywhere I needed to go so I wouldn't be by myself and would feel safe even if it was entirely out of her way. That's who she was. Not some stupid fucking number or any of the mean nasty things I'm sure she heard at one time or another about herself.

She deserved a wonderful long life full of joy and so do you. There is no point in flinging yourself down that rabbit hole of fake fitness & fake health content because that's what it is: fake. And death doesn't just happen to you, it happens to everyone else too. I see a butterfly & still even about a year later I get so sad because I can't send her a picture of it. I see someone online who posted about getting coffee and it strikes me that wow that's exactly what she always ordered, but I can't tell her I saw that. I can't say thank you, again, for being such an amazing friend to me through one of the worst periods of my life. And I can't say sorry, I'm sorry you had all of that on your shoulders and I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell anyone about it not even me.

You are exactly who you are supposed to be. You know yourself better than anyone, you know what you need and what you don't need. I know it's incredibly hard to avoid that content sometimes & the mental spiral it can send you down but you're beyond that. And most importantly you're loved & you matter simply because you exist all that other means spirited shit doesn't matter.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Hey. I saw your post about gftwd wanting revenge, and I feel like I have to say something because this situation is so out of hand. You can read this or you can tell me to fuck off, but I want this off my chest and you should know what’s happening. It’s gonna be long, but sorry. I was a follower of her original account from very early on and one of her ''Discord girls'' who she became tight with. I’m ashamed to say that I went along with the questionable things she said and did because I lowkey felt flattered she was my friend and shared stuff with me she didn’t post on her blog, like Evan’s Amazon profile and his Airbnb profile. This was before he privated them and only a few of us had that info back then and I never saw it talked about on here or anywhere else like Twitter. She is not a mentally stable person, she seriously got consumed with Frances before and now she is consumed with your blog and followers. She never deleted Discord, at least not her own account because we had a private DM chat going that went on even after she archived her other blog.. yes, archived. It’s not deleted. Ever since your blog appeared she has made no secret of absolutely loathing you, mostly because her former followers went over to vent to you and she blames you for anons attacking her over Frances, because you said she slut shamed her. She feels humiliated by the situation and mad that now she only has a handful of followers since you ‘’made’’ her delete. When she remade her blog she made some post about having been in the hospital for treatment and that wasn’t even true. She is hellbent on getting revenge, and she is doing everything she can to dox you. She is always talking about an uncle she has who works in cyber-security and I think she really believes she can track people down and make them pay in some sort of way. For all her talk of IP addresses and legal action, she has told me that the only info she has is based on visits to her page so she doesn’t actually know for certain who is individually sending each ask. But she has said she has your IG profile (IDK if that’s true) and that she feels like you’ve wronged her so severely she is willing to lie in order to ruin your reputation in the way she feels you ruined hers. This includes spoofing IP addresses and doctoring screenshots/photos, which she asked ME to do because she knows I do a bit of photo editing and graphic design (not for bad sh*t, legitimately). I didn’t do it. That was the last straw. I told her I feel like this isn’t necessary and that it’s better to move on and never post about this situation again so people will forget, to just be the bigger person in this situation and take the high road.. but she doesn’t plan to do that. When I told her I feel like this has gone way too far and that I can’t support doing this stuff she just blocked me on Discord. If you post this she’ll see it and obviously know who it is but I don’t give a sh*t anymore. I deleted my own Tumblr a while back due to mental health concerns and the amount of time I was spending here and I think she needs to do the same for her OWN good. I regret ever visiting her page and involving myself in any way. I wasn’t even a huge stan of Evan’s, I was just curious and went down the rabbit hole. I’m deleting this app off my phone so even if she decides to make a post calling me out and threatening to sue me I won’t be here to see it. Peace.

well, here we go :) i really have very little else i can say about this situation, other than... well, you know. this is not anywhere even in the ball park of normal and acceptable behavior. and i already knew that someone on here was stalking my IG page because i received an anonymous ask about it a couple of weeks back (march 7). i guessed it was her, because i don't know who else would care enough to do something creepy like that. you would have to make an effort to connect a cartoony AI generated photo of me i posted on here to an IG profile following people associated with evan. i do not post anything fandom related on my IG profile so it's not like you would just stumble upon it like whoopsie i think that's tweam. i privated my page and got a request right after from a nondescript profile and deleted it. for someone who has spent the last several weeks proclaiming they are not a bully, but rather, the bullied.. this behavior is mighty strange. oh well. the fact remains, you cannot control what other people do. but i sincerely hope that she seeks help and stops posting about my blog, sending me anonymous threats, and now i guess attempting to doxx me! oh what fun it is to be on tumblr in 2023.

i'm going to bed. this shit seems exhausting to me, i can't imagine how much mental energy it takes up to be hyper-focused on being hateful when you can literally just do anything else and be better spending your precious time. i'll resume my regular evan peters gossip tomorrow as time permits. or maybe gftwd will show up at my front door with a chainsaw or some shit lmfao goodnight.

[appreciatingtokrev]

OKAY SO during the like week or so while you were gone i got really really REALLY fucking deep into my emo punk bands/bandom hyperfixation and oh my god someone please save me

you don't really have to hear too much abt it if youre uninterested atm since ive infodumped abt this to nearly all my irls who'd listen but if u do thatz cool to :) but yeah uh my bandom hyperfixation got/is getting so bad to the point im referencing real events/theories in my band au fic 😭? esp cuz the two ppl surrounding it are in bands that i headcanon on the tokyorev dudes so yeah it worked way too fucking perfect and im here for it!

but lil spoiler its abt a lot of unrequited izakaku<3333 if you remember that one sanzu x mucho breakup fic i wrote before i kinda hinted the arrival of izana coming back into mucho's life so thatz where the angst comes from. its ur good ol 'i'd die for you but i don't really think you know how serious i am about it' dynamic (again, projecting)

but yes. going into the bandom rabbit hole unexpectedly and never being able to look back has been one of the best and the worst things to happen to me /affectionate. like my sleep schedule is at an all time low my grades arent getting any better and my bf is already having problems of his own with HIS boyfriend (who is also sadly my ex. fucked up i know) BUT. staying up all not consuming media and content from these lil fandoms make that lil whole in my heart rn full for just a few hours so- it means a lot to me yk <3

ANYWAYS i love my emo boys pls ask me abt my emo boys. (u dont have to btw im just insane abt them)

oh oh i am definitely listening!! this feels kinda embarassing to say tbh i know like. zero things abt music most of the time i’m just not interested in more than like three songs from a specific artist/band so yeah never hyperfixated or anything. which means taku dear i have no clue what i should even ask you 😭😭 but but but i am listening, feel free to infodump!! i love absorbing new information <3

also. unrequited izakaku :((( <33