#i feel so sick from being hungry i feel like my stomachs gonna eat itself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

noodle-slurp · 2 years ago

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Hi, yes, can i interest you in part 2 of the thing? Figured i may as well spend my time on the bus doing SOMETHING.

Sorry idk how to add readmores anymore, especially on mobile

Content warnings: animal death (deer), implied vore, sfw vore, safe vore, fear play(?)

When they wake, the first thing they notice, is that they're sticky. Uncomfortably sticky. Dried leaves and dirt stick to them in scratchy clumps that they barely have the strength to swipe from their face as they sit up.

It's early morning, the sky still dark, but the air crisp, and the crickets calm in the dew soaked grass. It's ... peaceful

The second thing they notice, is a burnt smell. They look towards the fire, brain fuzzy and struggling to remember what had happened. A handful of logs still burned, weak flames licking over charred wood as they scrabbled for life - over them hung the pot they had been cooking stew in. Their stomach growls and tightens painfully, reminding them they were hungry, and they begrudgingly get to their feet to stumble forward to inspect what might be left.

The stew had devolved into a thick sludge, the water having mostly evaporated and the meat dried into a former husk of itself. They stir it, the potatoes falling apart to become part of the sludge - and their mind strays to unpleasant thoughts. They wonder if that's what it's like to be digested, to fall apart and become an unrecognizeable sludge, forgotten and used to fuel something else much larger than themself.

Their heart skips a beat as they remember -why- they're sticky. They remember the giant, his fangs framing their view, the cavernous depths of his throat...They remember the feeling of being swallowed, of laying in that dark, heated chamber awaiting the worst...

The spoon drops back into the pot noisily and they realize they had been staring at nothing for a minute. They shake the thoughts from their mind and reach into the cooling 'stew' to fish out a piece of dried meat. It's not great, but, they needed something, and they needed it now. They pretended it was the blandest jerky in the world and managed to swallow the scratchy chunk.

"You're eating that?" Comes a disgusted voice from behind them, making them freeze.

"It's not bad." They lie casually, not turning to face him. "Better than airline food." Not that either of them knew what airline food was.

There's a skeptical pause. "If you say so..." He doesn't believe them.

Frustration spikes through them suddenly as they look down into that pot at the saddest stew on the planet. "I just...really wanted this." They sigh, unable to hide their disappointment. "No point wasting it..."

Another pause as they shuffle around for another chunk of meat that may as well have been dry grass. "I don't know much about humans, but I know just smelling that is making me sick...."

They ignore him and shove another chunk into their mouth.

There's a disgusted sound before a shadow falls over them and they are being pried away from the pot.

"Don't eat that" the giant chastises as he settles back onto his knees and plops them down in front of him. "Making me regret letting you go. Almost feel like it would have been a *mercy* to eat you if you're just gonna eat...whatever that is and die anyway."

They wince, unable to look up at him still. They're confused and scared, but most of all, they're upset. The stew would have been perfect if he'd just let them eat it earlier.

"What else am I gonna eat? If you'd just let me eat it earlier, if you'd just -" They find themselves snapping before mentally kicking themselves and putting their head in their hands. They're tired, their body aches, and most of all, they're hungry. "I was really looking forward to it..." they say, deflating. They bite their lip to keep from crying...God, imagine, crying over burnt soup...stupid. They could have died, they still could, and yet, all they could focus on was SOUP.

The giant sits silently stunned a moment, not expecting this reaction from his prey. Normally, people in this position were terrified of returning to their former occupation of 'food'. They should be thanking him, they should be running away, they should be...a lot of things.

Still, he notes the crack in their voice, the defeated posture, and he remembers his own frustration when he had missed meals....

Humans. Pathetic.

He sighs and gets to his feet. "Stay here." He rumbles, annoyed before vanishing into the trees, leaving only crickets and stillness.

They wait for him to return for a time, uncertain of how he'd react if he found them eating from the pot after telling them not to. Would he kill them? Would he eat them again? They mull over the possibilities far too long before their hunger wins out. They eat a few more chunks of those disappointing meat cubes while he's away. They're unsatisfying, and tough to swallow, but it's something to take the edge off their hunger. They spend the time alone collecting thoughts, collecting questions. They wonder if they'll have the courage to ask them when he returns. They wonder if they should even voice them... They wonder alot of things.

A low vibration runs through their bones after some time, soundless and deceptively light, and a moment later, the giant appears from the brush once more. There's a buck in his grasp and a roundness to his belly that wasn't there previously.

"Here." He tosses the carcass onto the ground near them, causing them to scramble back in fear of it falling on top of them. "That should be more than enough, right?"

They eye the buck, then tilt their gaze to the man as he settles cross-legged nearby. Their brows furrow as even more questions fill their head.

"Thank? You?" They say tilting their head, feeling uncertain.

"Your welcome." He says plainly, looking judgementally at the pot of burnt stew until they were certain he knew of their 'crime' and was going to punish them for it. He never says a word.

They spend the next hour and a half processing the body, they'd spend even longer fleshing and preparing the hide later, but for now, they simply butchered it and seperated the parts. Once they'd cleaned the pot out in a creek nearby, they filled it and set the salted meat water to boil. They may not have any more potatoes, or much more than spices to put into this, but meat soup would work just fine. What they didn't put in the soup, they would smoke later as jerky.

They settle across the fire from the giant as they wait for the stew to finish. He'd closed his eyes at some point, but they knew he was still awake. They wondered how to breech the topic they wished to discuss... Eventually they decide, fuck it, just ask. They doubted he was going to eat them again - at least for today, not after he had hunted food for them.

"Why did you let me go?" They ask more meekly than they liked.

He doesn't respond right away, he doesn't even hint that he had heard them. They wonder if he dozed off... He takes a deep breath through his nose and exhales slowly.

"You were giving me a stomach ache." He shrugs out.

They furrow their brow and look away from him, unclear how they feel about that statement. On the one hand, they lived, on the other hand, did that make them so disgusting they were inedible? Their brain buzzes in self deprecation, but they focus on the fur in their hands, and a follow up comes to them.

"And...the deer?" They ask, looking up.

A long pause, a frown. "Couldn't stand your whining."

A lie. They think it's a lie anyway. They don't know why he'd lie about that, but it's a comfort, and they'll take it.

He rubs his stomach and their eyes catch on the movement. Did his stomach look like that when they were in it? What had he eaten to fill it now? Who? Were they in pain? Something stirs in them, dark and distressing. They look away and tuck those feelings in a box, never to open again, they hope.

They focus on scraping the fat from the fur for a moment, content to lose themselves in their work. They had more questions, but, they could wait.

After about ten minutes, they feel like they're being watched. They look up to see those silver eyes on them, watching them, the giants brows furrowed as he mulled over something.

"Why are you here?" He asks, finally. "Like, of all the places in this land, why come back to a place you knew you could die?"

They feel their face redden, though they aren't sure why. "I didn't know where else to go..."

"You have a home, don't ya?" He asks, raising a brow. "A place in that town a few miles to the west..."

They open their mouth to answer - then close it and look away. "It's gone."

He blinks and boggles at this. He opens his mouth to ask for clarification, but he's cut off by the answer.

"I was out of town for a few days," they press their thumb into their palm nervously. "And when I got back...it was destroyed."

He tilts his head, thinking, remembering something. "Is that what that was...?" He murmurs aloud.

"What?" They ask.

He debates answering them, but, eh, why not. "A month ago I smelled a group of monsters in the woods. A lot of them. Like, more than 10." He does a swirl with his finger. "Scents get too hard to follow at a certain point, but I know it was a lot. They seemed in a hurry to get somewhere. I -uh" he pauses, suddenly uncomfortable. "I didn't feel like I asking them about it."

They tilt their head again. "And you think they did it? But why?"

An exasperated sigh. "I don't know! I just told you, I didn't ask."

A pause, they look away. "Sorry."

"For what?" He asks, sinking back against the tree and crossing his arms.

They don't know how to respond.

"Annnyway" he continues, looking away and changing the subject. "So, you return and your first thought is "'Ah yes, lets go to the woods with that man eating giant. Getting eaten seems like a great idea!'" He snorts.

"I was...scared..."

"Of what?" He scoffs baffled by this human. "Because it's clearly not of me." A tinge of frustration tarnishes his tone.

There's a long awkward pause as they decide how to answer. "I'm unfamiliar with the world outside of that town and these woods." Green eyes focus back on the giant. "This was the only other place I felt comfortable being - even if a grumpy jackass made it his home." They grin, hoping he takes it for the playful jab it was meant as.

He blinks - not understanding.

"Besides, i thought, maybe it'd be nice to-"

They cut themselves off and look away, bashful and unwilling to say their second reason.

"Nice to what?" He prods, curious.

Their throat tightens and they work the flesh in their hands, focusing on the cold greasey feeling and the softness of the contrasting fur.

"To see you again." They murmur so low they hope the giant doesn't hear.

The giants ears twitch and he goes through an array of expressions, doubt, thought, confusion, more thought, disgust - it settles on confused. "You *wanted* me to eat you?" He asks, disturbed.

It's their turn to splutter disbelief. "N-no!" They correct, eyes wide. "No! I just. It's just - I've never seen anything like you before, and you hinted at there being more things like you - or maybe not like you at all. You hinted at there being More and I just..." their articulating flustered gestures with their hands "I wanted to learn more..."

He blinks blankly at them. "But I told you-"

They roll their eyes, exasperated with their feelings on this matter. "I know! I just...kind of hoped...you wouldn't..."

Another series of blinks. "So you just hoped...I'd find you and...- what?... Be friends or some shit?"

They feel their face redden and they can't look at him, "I know it's stupid, but..."

He stares at them blankly a moment before he can't hold his disbelief any longer and belts out laughing. "You've got to be either the dumbest or the -boldest- human I ever saw."

They grin sheepishly but don't look up. "Boldness and stupidity often go hand in hand..." they say more to themselves.

He wipes at a tear in his eye, struggling to speak as the laughter comes and goes. Eventually, it peters away and, after a few deep breaths - "You're prey." He says simply, amused crooked grin on his face. "That's all you'll ever be to me. Prey."

They frown down at the pelt in their hands, a sadness eating at them.

"Buuut-" he breathes out as he stands and stretches, the weight in his middle shifting in an uncomfortable looking way as his shirt pulls up over it. "If you really have nowhere else to go - I suppose you can stay here. I wouldn't stay out in the open if I were you though." A pause, a pointed and hungry look "Afterall, this is still my territory - and as long as you stay here - I will hunt you."

They tense and slouch in on themselves, their heart twisting in a painful way, dejected and shattered. They can't speak, they know if they try, they'll just start to cry, so they say nothing.

"Enjoy your soup." The giant huffs, readjusting his shirt over his middle. "You know the rules. Next time..." he snickers grimly, "Well, you know"

They sit hunched for sometime, even after he leaves, something inside broken and painful to swallow. Morning birds begin their songs, squirrels rattle the branches above, and as the sun breaks the horizon, a dam breaks and they begin to sob into the fur clutched in their hands.

#Sfw vore #G/t #Vore writing

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hotwings0203 · 4 years ago

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now we need a part 4 with izuku and bakugo on what happens next to the poor reader 😩✋🏼

Aight imma do a two for one here so MASSIVE BET

Tw:noncon, gangbang

When your hand reaches the doorknob, you know something is off only half a millisecond before another large hand settles itself on your wrist and another one caressing your side.

You freeze immediately at the voices that croon and snarl to you.

“Open the door quietly and we don’t have to make this any more difficult than it’s already gonna be.”

“God, you smell so good. You still haven’t changed your shampoo even after all these weeks huh? I like it.”

Your hand starts to shake and your body starts to sweat as you wildly try to find a way out of this situation. The voices sound eerily familiar, with one being higher and the other more aggressive and raspy, but you don’t dare turn around to locate the faces.

One of them seems to be catching onto your hesitation, because your wrist is crushed underneath a hard grasp and you cry out softly as they growl.

“Open. This. Fucking. Door. Right now.”

It takes a good 15 more seconds to jimmy the lock open, and once you do all three of you go tumbling in.

You whip back around to see both men standing over you, merely watching you with crossed arms and equally perverse leers.

“D-deku? Bakugo? What’s going on?”

Deku practically bounces on the balls of his feet, itching with inappropriate anticipation for what’s to come.

“We wanted to play with you! Are you ready? You can’t fucking ignore me anymore!” His voice is cheery as always but it breaks when he curses, the strains in his vocal cords sticking out while he forces himself from holding back.

Bakugo steps forward.

“Didnt I tell you I was gonna come again for you, you teasing cunt? Didn’t I say to watch your back? Now look at you, sprawled on the floor like rapetoys should be.”

Both men start slowly uncrossing their arms and advance towards you.

“No-no please, why? I didn’t do anything to you! Deku, please!” You blubber as you scuttle backwards, their strides equally as long.

You continue evading them as they play around with you.

“Oh, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words. ‘Deku, please.’ Although, I’d very much rather you moan it for me.” He has the audacity to blush, and then Bakugo interjects.

“You deserve this y’know, so don’t start crying now. We haven’t even gotten to the fun part yet.” He spreads his hands and his uncharacteristic grin stretches from ear to ear, his vermillion eyes flashing in the dim light of your dorm.

“Anyone whose stupid enough to not realize how this creep has been sniffin’ your panties for months-hell, maybe even years now should get raped. You’re so fucking stupid, you didn’t realize I was protecting you from him.”

“But now look at you. Alone, afraid, vulnerable…oh, and going to the bedroom. You really are an easy slut, huh?”

Deku’s eyes light up when he realizes you truly are unknowingly backing up into the bedroom, but you realize it too late.

It’s only after Bakugo’s words come out that you try to look for a detour for the lock-induced bathroom, but Deku has a different idea.

Out of pure excitement he laughs and sprints towards you, hands outreached to touch your pretty skin, mouth open with drool softly filling the tile below him and eyes bloodshot with lust.

He looks like a creature from hell, and in the pure terror of watching him come at you like that your plan to detour was thwarted and you mindlessly trip back over your feet onto the bed, scrambling as far away as you can from them to the headboard.

You look to your left and quickly seize your bedside lamp, raising it above your head.

“Domt come any closer you closer perv. God, I shouldve known you were fucked in the head. I kept trying to make excuses for you, I thought you were my friend-“ you break down in sobs as the green haired man continues looking at you like you’re a piece of meat, absentmindedly wiping his hand across his mouth.

“And you,” you point to Bakugo who bares his teeth and smirks madly, “I already knew you were the embodiment of hell, but I thought you had a limit of how low you could stoop. You didn’t protect me from shit, you forced your way inside of me day in and day out.”

“Well now that your useless little monologue is over, Deku, tie her legs to the posts. I swear Y/N, you’re making this way too easy for me. It’s almost boring, I already know what I’m gonna get.” He raises his eyebrows at you while he lets his minion do all the work for him, goosebumps racing up his arm at the sight of you screaming and fighting tooth and nail against your fate.

But at the end of the day, after all your curses and sobs and monologues, you’re no match for either of them, especially Deku, who cooes at you to scream louder while he caresses your face and uses nylon string to secure your wrists to the wooden posts. Your legs are also bound after Bakugo seizes them from kicking, and a gag is placed over your mouth by his hands.

He roughly taps the tape covering your trembling lips and smiles condescendingly down at you.

“You’re doing so well for us, rapemeat. Keep up the good work and try to spread those legs as much as you can.” He chuckles when you scream your lungs out, thrashing as he yanks your knees apart.

“Aw, Kacchan, can’t we take the gag off? I wanted to hear her in my ears,” he pouts and looks glumly at your writhing figure.

“No, how fucked in the head are you? Someones gonna come down if she’s hollering for the whole building to hear. And cut her clothes off, I’m getting impatient.”

It seems like Deku too was at his last fiber of self control as his hands shake equally as much as yours, except for an entirely different reason altogether, the opposite reason of yours in fact.

He fishes in his back pockets for something, and produces a glinting steel knife with a black handle.

You still immediately as his descends his hands to the top of your v-neck shirt, right above your collarbones. His eyes fog up as your satiny smooth skin comes in contact with the blade, the coldness of the steel sending shivers down your spine and making you sob harder.

“Kacchan…did you ever get a taste of her blood? How does she taste?” He lifts his head to look into your tear-streaked eyes, but he addresses his childhood friend.

Bakugo snorts. “Calm down Toga, don’t get too crazy yet. We’ll have some more fun later, right now my dick is about to explode. ‘Need a hole,” he mumbles at the end and finally clambers onto the bed right atop your legs.

You stay absolutely silent as pressure from the knife rips the thin strands of your clothes apart, and Deku takes careful care to ensure you at least have thin red lines running down your stomach if not for actual blood.

“Oh fuckkkk,just look at her. You look good enough to eat…” he looks at you and licks his lips, salivating when you whine and twist at your restraints.

“Yeah yeah, you do whatever the fuck you want. Just choose what you’re gonna stick it in and hurry up.”

The blond looks bored almost as the more eager one whips to the side to face him.

“You mean it Kacchan? I can pick?”

They speak as if you’re not alive, no feelings or humanity involved. All you can do is watch and yell into your makeshift gag as the blond waves him off.

“Go for it. It’s your first time satisfying that sick head of yours, ‘must get boring doing it from behind a screen all the time.”

His slowly turns to face you, a kind leer etched across his features, eyebrows slanted and hand coming up to pull your ripped clothes apart.

You struggle and spit muffled profanities out as he slowly drags the bridge of your bra down, eyes wide open as your nipples pop out and eventually both of your tits bounce out.

He hisses and takes his nails up your stomach to fondle your breast. You can tell Deku’s too excited, too inexperienced from the way he handles them like stress balls. You grunt as his mouth latches onto a pert nipple, suckling and looking up at you as if he were some kind of demonic baby.

Bakugo watches all this with a dark glint in his eyes, absentmindedly palming himself as he watches the show unfold in front of him.

It’s entertaining seeing all of the creep’s hormones spiral out of control from years of pent-up lust. He’s never seen the dork so fired up and hungry, he’s never seen him so brutal with a civilian before, the type of people he used to say he’d protect at all costs.

After he’s done playing with your sore tits, he wasted no time in yanking your sweats off. You don’t even trash around anymore, the only thing you’re capable of in this state of terror and shock is weak moans and little sobs, maybe a writhe or two here and there.

Your panties are also torn off and you howl when the elastic cuts into your skin within the process. Bakugo takes this last stripping as an indication for him to move now. He lifts himself up on his knees and moves around your head while Deku situates himself between your violently twitching legs.

“I’m gonna take the gag out now. If you scream or pull any funny business I’ll plug your pussy and your throat with this knife, got it?” He snatches the weapon from the bed and waves it dangerously close to your face.

You nod frantically and try to turn your head to the side, but he yanks you back into place and decides to have his own fun.

While Izuku hurriedly takes his own shorts off the hothead slowly takes the tape off your mouth, staring down at you with unblinking eyes. The knife which you’re so afraid of is traced around your own squeezed shut eyes, down your cheeks and around your lips.

But the horrified trance on which he keeps you in is broken when Izuku suddenly shoved his entire length inside your dry cavern.

Luckily Bakugo has enough foresight to slam a hand over your howling mouth before the entire building can be woken up, and he glares at the sheepish-looking man down the bed from him.

“Are you a fucking virgin? At least rub her clit or something so she doesn’t go hollering at every thrust you damn nerd!”

The man between your legs winces and rubs the back of his neck, chuckling nervously.

“Oops, sorry, got a little carried away there.”

He doesn’t pull out, he merely thrusts slower, trying to fit his fat dick inside your unwilling cunt.

A string of curses leaves your lips and you grimace as the pain becomes near blinding.

Bakugo looks down at you again, the knife forgotten.

“No teeth either.” Your breaths come out in little frantic pants when his bare cock springs out of his own pants.

He taps the leaking purple tip on your lips and you open hesitantly. There’s no point in resisting anymore, they’ve got you quite literally cornered.

“Wider, slut,” he snarls, and you do-but only because Deku’s paps get more aggressive, causing your mouth to fall open in a long whine.

The blond takes this opportunity to slam his length down your throat, groaning around when he sees your throat swell with his bulge.

You immediately start gagging and trying to pull at your restraints for air, his heavy balls rest right on top of your nose and you feel like you’re going to pass out.

You can barely hear him over Deku’s animalistic grunts and whines. He’s going way too fast, as if he’s possessed by your pussy. It numbs you, taking away some of the pain in a flip side.

But on the other end of your body, you’re desperate for air while a fuzzy ballsack paps against your nose and eyes.

Each sadistic stroke he puts inside of you widens your sore esophagus, bringing bile up sometimes and large amounts of saliva too.

He’s not as loud as Deku, but he’s equally as greedy with your holes.

Your body literally hovers up almost in midair as Bakugo thrusts in and lifts his hips up, taking your upper half along with it and Deku does the same unconsciously, trying to fuck up into your womb.

It’s an exact replica of a perverted spit roast, with both of them catching each other’s rhythm and slamming inside your holes at the same time.

Your clit is suddenly rubbed inexpertly to the point of overstimulation, and the incoming sob forced out of your throat warps into a pained scream.

The vibrations of your scream makes Bakugo cum suddenly with a hoarse groan. He doubled over your body and gnaws at your bouncing tits, licking and teething at them the same way his counterpart did.

The sight of copious amounts of cum being leaked out of your filled mouth propels the green-haired man to whimper and shove himself back in one more time, hitting your cervix and causing both his and your eyes to roll back.

He cums too, but both men keep their semi-hard cocks inside of your aching body.

You don’t know what’s worse, having both of them by your side or both of them inside.

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empressofdiamonds · 4 years ago

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Queen of Nutrition

This ain't gonna be a guide how to be skinny or lose 20 pounds. Y'all see that everywhere and ya know what to do. Calories in, calories out. Nah. Instead, I'll show you HOW to GLOW UP from eating FOOD.

I generally follow three principles:

1. Never eat foods that make you feel...

Queasy, heavy stomach, stomach reflux, lethargic, sleepy, any negative reaction/feeling. I strongly recommend to note down every meal (takes about 1 min per day, can be done on cellphone in your notepad app!), It will prove itself to be very useful to see if you have sickness triggers. Like sugar obviously triggers my own acne, potatoes make me nauseous (no matter how fresh they are). Meat in the morning makes me lethargic the whole day. Etc. And I only found that way by journaling my meals, and now applying my restrictions makes me feel insanely BETTER. Else I'd have blamed that on the woes of Destiny.

Once you've found your trigger foods, keep them away from your home. If your trigger is sugar, don't buy at the grocery store cookies or anything sugary. No see? No crave! That way you won't be tempted to eat it!

Also, very important, EAT A NUTRITIOUS MEAL BEFORE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE! You won't concede to cravings that way. I'm really serious, I noticed a difference.

2. Prioritize colorful and light foods over heavy brown food, and low-processed over high-processed

Have you eaten an Big Mac & fries, then feel like crap and groggy, then feel hungry just 2-3 hours later? Those meals aren't filling, pumped with Only God Knows, and drenched in suffocating amounts of fat. It's brown, it's sad, it's not good for our bodies and We Know That. Then why are you going back again to McDo? Are you some weird type of maso?

Brown food is related to comfort food, and that's totally understandable. It's strongly associated to cozy feelings, the meals you get if you're sick, it's comfortable... But they lack nutrition 99% of the time.

I'm not asking you to cut off completely "brown foods", but instead, give a higher percentage of your plate to vegetables and fruits and low-processed stuff. If you aren't used to that new lifestyle, introduce slowly easy to use options. Fresh spinach are amazing in sauteed stuff or in pasta sauces. Carrot sticks are one of the easiest snacks to have. Have a counter basket with apples, oranges and bananas, so easy to catch something and fill a tiny hunger!

Buy that artisan small loaf (that you will eat one slice at a time, how it is filling and delicious) instead of that square cake-like magic bread (bland as hell, you don't even feel full after one slice of sadness), buy the whole chicken breasts and prepare them yourself with delicious spices and flavors instead of buying that pack of frozen chicken tendies.

Take some time to enjoy your time cooking, instead of considering it like a chore.

Instead of eating to fill your stomach, eat to enjoy high quality food that'll nourish every cell of your being and honor your Goddess body you have.

Life's too short for sad, brown, color-bland food, unrecognizable food.

3. Eat to fill your stomach to 80% capacity

This wonderful Japanese principle is called Hara hachi bun me ("belly 80% full"). You eat until you feel like there's still 20% space left in the stomach.

It means that you eat to enjoy life and good food. You're not afraid that you won't have food in the future. That means you store away the excess food in a plate. That means you DON'T have to empty the plate. That means you shouldn't feel nauseous from eating too much, or wanting to sleep because of food comatose. Seriously, when we think about the massive holiday/party binges, it's not hedonism, but gluttony. You often feel like crap which is not a good feeling to have.

You turn off the TV, the cellphone, everything that distracts you, you prepare yourself a nice meal. Matiscating slowly to enjoy the goddamn amazing food you did prepare also helps making you feel fuller, and liberate the good stuff in your food too. You take your time to eat it, enjoy the sensations you feel. It smells good, it tastes good, it makes your mind happy, it's like a buccal orgasm. It's just perfect. A meal fit for a queen.

In summary, I recommend to romanticize your life, down to every last minute detail.

Romanticize how you cut your tomatoes, taking your time to enjoy the popping splash of color under your eyes, and to enjoy the juicy goodness in them.

Romanticize how you drink your water, adding some cute refreshing mint and sliced strawberries to add some tinge of flavor to your water.

Have fun cooking, babes!

#food #levelup #glowup #hypergamy #get your shit straight #SeriesQueenOf

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writers-blogck · 4 years ago

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A House, Not a Home ( Dabi x Todoroki!Reader )

Warning(s): This is siblings. It is not a romantic story. Don't be gross. This will have spoilers for the current Manga arc, though not many. A little bit of health-related issues but nothing too graphic. Title inspired by Madds Buckley's Dabi song.

Title: A House, Not a Home Pairing: Dabi x Reader (Little Sister) Fandom: My Hero Academia Word Count: 5,405

Ages: 0 and 6

Rei sat on the futon, legs tucked under her as she held you close to her chest. Her fourth child, smaller than the other three had been. She loved all of her children but as she looked down at the crying newborn, she knew this wouldn't be enough for her husband. He would want another one to get the perfect prodigy. A small sigh left the woman's mouth. She was getting tired. She knew she had to keep it together for her children but she wasn't sure how long she would be able to keep this up.

Everyone else was asleep as she rocked you in the main room, or so she thought. Bright turquoise eyes came into view and she couldn't help but let her heart speed up. Enji had been a good husband once but after Fuyumi, he could no longer focus on anything but his legacy. He needed to be first and if he couldn't, then he would create the next number one hero. This kept him from ever being soft to his children or wife. Had you woken him up? He was never pleasant during the middle of the night... She had learned that the hard way just after Touya was born.

As smaller feet shuffled closer, Rei felt her shoulders relax. She couldn't help but be frightened by her son Touya at times. He had the same eyes as his father, so extreme and filled with a fire she couldn't describe. There had been nights where she worried Touya would follow his father's footsteps of intensity but moments like these gave her hope. He only ever acted this way when it was just the two of them. He had to be the cool big brother around his siblings and he dare not show any weakness in front of Enji. Rei wished she could change that, she really did. But, she was only one woman.

"Is she alright?" He spoke softly, eyes as wide as the moon itself as he stared down at your flushed face.

"Yes, she's just hungry is all. Babies need to eat a lot you know. You'll probably hear her cry a lot during the night but you don't have to worry. Mommy will take care of her." Rei ran her hand ever so slightly over your fuzzy head. What color hair would you have? White like her own? Red like your father's? She was just gratefully you had inherited her eyes. She didn't know if she could take another pair of those piercing eyes.

"Won't she get fat if she eats all the time?" Touya quietly sat down next to his mother, shoulders brushing against one another in a silent piece of affection. Love was shared in secret in this house. Enji didn't want Rei to make his boys soft because she babied them. He was better with Fuyumi but Natsuo proved that he hadn't learned his lesson.

Touya was too young to remember Natsuo or Fuyumi when they were babies. He had been four when Natsuo was brought home and barely over a year with Fuyumi. This was the first time he would ever truly get to experience the troubles that came along with a newborn. Natsuo still cried a lot but he just was scared to sleep by himself.

"Oh no, darling. She's growing and needs all that energy. Just like you are a growing boy. You know, she's lucky to have a big brother like you...."

"Really?"

"Of course. All of your siblings are grateful for you, Touya. Don't ever think differently." She ran her free hand through his white hair, caressing his face as she pulled away, attention shifting back to you.

As you squirmed in her arms, she feared for your safety. She didn't have the best of health and Touya had inherited that, though not as severely as her own. Rei feared that you had inherited it more than any of the other children. Giving birth had been hard and there was a moment there when they didn't know if you were going to survive. She never wanted to admit that Enji was right but you were weak. Just a baby born into a harsh world. How would she be able to keep you safe?

"Touya, I need you to promise me something."

"Anything!" Touya could be described as a mommy's boy, though he hid it as much as he could. All of her children preferred her, as most children do prefer their mothers. It didn't help that Enji was as rough and intimidating as he was added onto that.

"This is your little sister and it's your job as a big brother to protect her. She is going to need you more than Fuyumi or Natsuo. She's sick and could really use a good big brother in her life." Rei spoke softly, eyes shifting between her two children who were awake. She didn't want to put such a burden on her eldest but something in her stomach made her fear for your future. Enji would see you as weak and interact with you as little as possible. Natsuo was too young to be a real big brother to you just yet. Touya was the best chance for you to get a good male figure in your life.

"Can you promise me that you'll always protect her?"

"Of course, mommy! I'll be the best big brother you've ever seen! I'll make sure she never cries around me!"

Rei smiled and hoped that was true. She knew if her children were going to get affection from somewhere other than her, it was going to have to be with each other. Enji was a demanding father and while Rei tried her best, she couldn't help but get tired at times from her own health issues. Touya had taken on the duty of leading his younger siblings as soon as he could walk but this was different. She could feel it and she didn't know if that was going to be a good thing or bad.

"Would you like to hold her?" Touya nodded in awe as his mother placed you in his arms, keeping her own hands there as a safety precaution. You were still so young, it would be some time before she really trusted Touya to hold you all on his own. But, she would teach him. There was so much in store for all of her children, that much was certain.

You looked so fragile like you could break if Touya even looked at you the wrong way. He could play rough with Natsuo, though he would get in trouble if he made his brother cry. Fuyumi was only two years younger than him and though she was his little sister, this felt different. So tiny...So little.

Your sobs quieted as you were moved into your brother's arms, your attention now shifting to this new person in front of you. At that moment, Touya felt his heartache for the future. He knew his dad wasn't the nicest but he wouldn't let his dad do anything to you. Not while he was around. He would be your guardian angel.

"Don't worry," He whispered as you stared up at him with watery eyes, "I'm gonna make sure you never get hurt. You'll never have to cry when I'm around. I'm gonna be your new big brother and I won't let anything happen to you.

Ages: 3 and 9

A sharp yelp followed by loud cries brought Touya rushing to the backyard. How had you even gotten out? Was no one watching you? Mom should have been...But since Shoto was born, her attention shifted to focus on him. She didn't do it on purpose but she gave him most of her attention. It was more likely to be Touya who calmed you after a nightmare, not Rei. He was the one who cleaned your cuts and put a bandaid on them.

As he ran outside, he was shocked to see you sitting on the ground, tiny fires alight on the blades of grass surrounding you. It wasn't hard to stomp out such small fires before they got big but he was more concerned about you. Why were you crying so much? What happened? Someone was always watching you, or at least he thought so. He had slipped when doing his homework. If you got hurt, it was his fault.

"What is it? Tell me, show me." He spoke, moving to where you were sitting with your legs pulled close to your chest. You were hiding your chubby hands behind your knees, shoulders shaking as you let out sobs. He was never the best when it came to you crying. He normally would just curl up next to you when you had a nightmare but it was different when you were hurt. You were always the one to go to him crying when you got a small cut or when you fell. Yet, now you were cowering away from him.

"Show me." His tone was more serious this time as he wrestled with you, finally getting a hold of your chubby hands. He felt bad when he saw you wince but he needed to see what was wrong. What if you had broken your wrist or cut off your fingers? How would you do that? He didn't know but he was sure going to find out if you had. He hadn't been expecting what actually had happened. How could he? You were still so young...

As you unfolded your hands, he was greeted with the sight of harsh burns. There was nothing around you that could have burnt you, nothing obvious anyway. He looked over your arms quickly, in a small state of panic. He may be more mature than some kids but he was still only nine. He only knew so much. The next thing he noticed was how hot your arms had become, something he had only ever felt between two people.

Taking a closer look, he noticed the dim light shining through your skin where your veins would be. When he ran his finger along the lines, he could tell they were the hottest part. The rest of the heat was dispersing from those areas. His stomach began to drop as he realized what had happened. He had hoped, dreamed, prayed that you would inherit everything from your mother. Sitting here on the grass with you now proved to him that he was wrong.

"It's okay! I know how to deal with this, you just burnt yourself a bit. It's going to be okay. Nii-chan gets burned all the time. I'll make it feel better. Let's go inside and we can watch a movie, how about it? We can do that after we get your hands fixed up." Even though he was still young, he was able to hoist your body up and carry you inside, though he was shakily wobbling the entire time. One day he would be big enough to carry you without having trouble. He hoped it wasn't obvious how worried he was about the situation.

He hadn't been prepared for when you would show your quirk for the first time. He had hoped that it would have been something ice-related. Something like Natsuo or Fuyumi. Something like your mother's. A quirk that wouldn't hurt you but he hadn't gotten that lucky. You shared the same fire that your father and Touya had within them. Would yours be as harsh as his own? The flames had been red so that was a good sign.

He was skilled at taking care of burns at this point because of his own quirk. Touya knew he was going to have to tell your father about your quirk appearing but, what if that made him focus on you more and make you train like him? This was still a little young to be showing your quirk. Maybe he could just hide it for some time while he taught you how to control your power. Touya could still remember how painful it had been when his father tried to teach him to hold his fire in. He wouldn't let that happen to you, he couldn't.

He would never let your father hurt you. Not while he was around.

Ages: 9 and 15

It was late in the night when you heard someone walking around when everyone was supposed to be asleep. Who would be up at this time? Shoto would be asleep for sure...Fuyumi too. Perhaps Natsuo had gotten hungry in the middle of the night? It wouldn't be the first time he had snuck around at night to fill his stomach. If you didn't know any better, you would think his quirk was a black hole in his stomach. You would never understand how he could eat as much as he did. Still, a snack didn't sound that bad.

Wrapping yourself up in your blanket, you made your way to the main room of the house where the front door was. Instead of seeing Natsuo as you had assumed, you saw your eldest brother Touya instead. He wasn't in his pajamas like he should have been...As you looked him over, you noticed that he even had his shoes on and was tugging on his leather jacket.

"Nii-chan?"

Touya's head shot in your direction, a wild look in his eyes. His neck was bandaged up and you weren't sure if it was because of his quirk or if your father had done something to him. Enji was roughest on Touya. Both verbally and physically, Enji always would hurt his eldest son. Touya had been good at hiding it but there were still rare occasions where you saw something you weren't supposed to. Glimpses of the truth.

"Where are you going?"

"(Y/N)..." His voice was hoarse. Had he been screaming? Was he getting sick? He crouched down, eyes staring at the wood of the floor as you moved closer to him. How would he explain this to you? You were the closest with him out of all of his siblings. He had been hoping to slip out without having to say goodbye to anyone. It would hurt less and it would leave less of a chance that he would be caught.

He could still hear what his mother had told him the day she brought you home as you moved closer. He was supposed to protect you but he couldn't stay there anymore. It was too much. You would be fine with Fuyumi and Natsuo to protect you. Plus, there was Shoto, you weren't the youngest anymore. You could live without him.

"I need to go away for a while, okay?" Slowly, his head moved up to make eye contact with you. He had to keep it level even as you began to tremble and form tears in your own eyes. He had to do this, no matter what. If he stayed tonight, then he would just be reminded tomorrow why he wanted to leave tonight. It was the best opportunity that he would have for some time. Your dad had drunk some alcohol tonight and would be passed out upstairs.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

You shuffled over, unable to truly understand what was going on. Touya reached out, pulling you into his arms, and began to run his hand through your hair. Your mother would be so disappointed with what he was doing but he had to be selfish. Sometimes you had to look out for number one. Sure, you would have a crappy childhood but your dad never hurt you. If Touya stayed, he didn't know if he would make it to his next birthday. He had to plan for his own survival.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

"Will you be back?" This question was quieter than before. Timider, meeker. He could hear the fear in your voice but knew what he had to do. He knew what the answer was. No, he wouldn't be coming back. He was running away for good this time but how do you tell your kid sister that? Plus, if he did explain, there was a chance that you would tattle.

Without answering, he let go and stood up, pushing you back a bit so there was space between the two of you. A few stray tears were running down your cheeks, had Touya seen it as he turned his back on you and opened the door? He had to leave before he changed his mind.

"I love you!" You whisper-shouted as the door shut behind his retreating figure. Touya was walking away from the life he knew and walking into a new one where he would become an entirely different man.

Had he heard you?

You knew you should have gone and woken up your father but something kept you from telling. You trusted your big brother and he had gone away before in the past. Maybe this would just be like those times and he would be back within a day or two. That had to be it. If not, where was he going to go? Even after the door was closed, you couldn't move from the entrance, eyes trained on the door as if he would walk in any minute.

This would be the last time you would ever get to hug your brother.

Ages: 15 and 21

It had taken some convincing to be allowed but somehow you got your father to let you attend UA. Today would be your first day and while you were excited, you were scared at the same time. It had never been easy being the daughter of a top hero. It was hard to know when someone really wanted to be your friend versus those who are just sucking up in hopes of meeting your dad. Would that be worse here since these people actually wanted to be heroes?

A small sigh left your lips as you brushed a stray tear away. Shoto would be coming here in two years. He was already the pride and joy of your father. You had times where you would doubt whether or not he actually loved you or not. He would rather see you locked up in your room than out. Fuyumi said he was just being overprotective but you weren't so sure. You thought it was because he was ashamed of you.

This was to prove him wrong. Was that the wrong reason to become a hero? To prove someone wrong? Maybe...You liked the idea of saving people but the biggest thing pushing you was your father. There was a fire inside of you that yearned to prove him wrong and get his approval. Still, Shoto didn't always have it easier than you. While your father barely paid attention to you, it was rare that he wasn't pushing some training on your younger brother. Ever since your mother...No, you shouldn't think about that. The past would only ever haunt you and cause nightmares. Both the events with your mother and Touya's death. You kept telling yourself that you needed to move forward. Today was a new day.

"Hey, are you lost? Whatcha looking for? Maybe we can help you find it!" A loud and booming voice spoke, laced with nothing but kindness. Quickly turning, you were greeted by a blonde boy and a black-haired boy. The blonde had a huge smile on his face while the black-haired one was trying everything he could to keep you from paying attention to him.

Instinctively, you tugged at your sleeve to hide your arms even more. People always would look at you weird if they noticed the scars covering your arms. They would judge you, just like everyone does. For once, you wanted someone to be willing to get to know the real you and not assume things because of your appearance and your father's reputation. Even still, the blonde seemed to radiate sunshine and you almost changed your mind on how they would react. Almost.

"Oh!" With a small sniffle, you pointed quickly at the main building of UA, "I'm looking for 1-A. This is my first year going here and I guess I'm just a bit nervous. I don't know anyone who is going here so...It's just been one of those days, you know?"

"Really?! We both are going to 1-A too! We are gonna be in the same class!" The blonde wrapped an arm around his shy partner, pulling him into the conversation whether he wanted to be a part of it or not, "Why don't we walk there together? We'd be happy to be your new friends if you want! The more friends, the better, right Tama-chan?"

The black-haired boy didn't respond.

This would be your first time ever meeting your two future best friends. Mirio and Tamaki would become almost as close as family to you. How many nights would you end up staying at Mirio's just to stay away from home? Late night walks with Tamaki because you couldn't sleep due to your nightmares?

Dabi was making his own friends on the streets, or whatever you could call friends. He was filled with rage and a fire that had only grown since he had left home. He would see clips of his father saving the day and reporters gushing over him. If they knew the truth, they wouldn't be acting like that. Someone just needed to prove it to them.

And Endeavor? He deserved to pay for everything he had done to Dabi. He needed to hurt as much as he made Dabi hurt. The older boy knew he wouldn't be able to do that alone and began to make allies in the underground areas of the city. Drug dealers and gang members. He would climb the ladder and become a true villain but everyone had to start somewhere. He would need help to get his revenge and he was okay with playing the long-con.

Ages: 17 and 23

Civilians were running in a panicked state as fire surrounded them. Screams were all you could hear save for the blood pumping in your ears. As you searched the crowd for a hero, you were greeted with the sight that you were terrified of. There were no heroes in the area. Not yet. They would be here in less than fifteen minutes but you knew how crucial that time could be.

Fifteen minutes.

As everyone around you ran from the flames, you ran into them. The flames licked at your skin as you entered the chaos but your skin allowed it to glance off of you. You had grown used to the feeling of being burnt due to your own quirk. Deep red scars that followed the patterns of your veins littered your body due to the fire inside of you. In certain lights, your scars could even come out to be slightly purple in color.

You had been going to UA for three years now and this was the exact situation you were being trained for. It was this pulling inside of you that lead you towards the danger that made you a real hero. You were a real hero. You wanted to be a real hero...When would a real hero get here?

"Oh, do we have someone playing a hero here? A schoolgirl come to save the day from the big, bad villain?" Black boots crunched against the gravel of the road, each step as casual as the last as he stalked closer. Burned flesh greeted your eyes as Dabi emerged from the flames. You knew it was him, the blue flames made it obvious. You had seen video footage from the training camp. This was a specific type of fire. This was Hellfire.

"You can't do this!" Your hands clenched into fists, veins burning as your emotions began to run wild. You were terrified. This would be the first time you faced a villain by yourself without active-backup on the way. Interning at your father's agency could have its perks but it also meant you never got dangerous tasks. Even with Shoto just starting, your father took him on more hero-like outings. He was playing favorites and it hurt. Did he not think you could be a hero? Were you too weak in his eyes?

"Aw, and why not, little Matchstick?" A devilish grin spread over the burnt face, stables keeping the two pieces together as one, "Whose going to stop me? You?"

"Yes!" The quiver in your voice alerted to how scared you actually were. Just remember Mirio and Tamaki. Remember how brave they were. You wanted to be just like them and this was the perfect time to do that. They wouldn't run when people were in danger. Even if they were scared, they would go running towards the danger because they were true heroes. Mirio had saved Eri and Tamaki had protected Kirishima more times than you could count. Your heart was telling you to run as it pumped quickly but your feet were planted as if held by concrete. You wanted to be like them.

You wanted to be like your dad.

"What do you even want?" You continued, hoping to distract the man just long enough for the heroes to make their way here. Maybe Hawks would be the first to arrive. He did have his wings. Perhaps your father could use his flames as he had when fighting the nomu. It didn't matter who the hero was as long as they got there as fast as possible. You would even take Mount Lady, a hero who you had a hard time dealing with.

"What do I want? I want what every man wants!" His arms extended as his trenchcoat billowed around him, a crazed look on his face. Fire surrounded the two of you, catching anything that it could on fire. You could see why the bottom was as tattered as it was as the fire singed the fabric, but if Dabi cared, he didn't show it.

The man walked closer to you but you kept yourself in a defensive position. You couldn't run, you could end up leading him right to the majority of panicked citizens who were trying to evacuate. The best course of action, even if it meant you could end up getting hurt, was to stay right where you were. You wanted to be a hero. You were a hero! No matter how your father acted, you were a hero. How many nights had you stayed up late, practicing to control your quirk for moments like this? All you really wanted was for your father to finally see how strong you could be.

Ten minutes.

Before you knew what was happening, you felt your back hit a hard chest and a hand much larger than your own wrap around your neck. No matter how you struggled, Dabi kept you from escaping with the force he was pressing against your neck. The other hand gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at your assailant. There was a crazed look in his eyes that were as blue as his flames. It made tears well up in your eyes from fear.

The edges of your vision were beginning to blur with the lack of oxygen. Just before you felt your legs begin to give out, the man loosened his grip just enough for you to gasp at the air around you. Coughs filled the air as you dealt with the lack of oxygen as well as smoke that was staining anything it could.

"Revenge. That's what I want." His lips whispered next to your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine. This wouldn't be the first time a villain wanted revenge and it wouldn't be the last time. You used all the force you could muster and kicked the villain in the shin.

This seemed to work as he let you go, but it wasn't for long. He snatched your wrists in one hand while the other went back to its place on your neck. This time he only used enough force to keep you from breathing comfortably. This was starting to look worse and worse for you with each passing moment. Still, you just had to remember heroes were on the way. They would save you.

"And you, my Little Matchstick, are perfect for my plan."

"Let me go!" Your shrill voice screamed as you felt the flames burst around your wrists, using your own quirk now. A grunt of pain and some mumbled cursing escaped Dabi but instead of losing his grip, you felt a searing pain spread over your own skin. The pain caused you to lose concentration of your quirk, all too focused on the blue flames that the man emitted from his hands. For a split moment, the two of your flames seemed to dance around each other and turn the light a purple like Dabi's scars.

The hand at your wrists lit up like a beacon as Dabi's quirk began to come out. Screams would have escaped your lips if not for the hand constricting your breathing which was now burning your neck as well. All you could see was white as the worst pain you had ever felt kept you writhing. The flames began to creep down your arm, spreading towards your body. The hand on your neck reminded you more of an iron as there were no actual flames appearing. Some sick version of a human cattle prod. His hand print would be scarred over your neck, a permanent reminder of this night.

The next thing you could remember, you were slumped on the ground like dirty laundry. The world around you was spinning. It was beginning to darken in a mixture of you losing consciousness and smoke as the seconds ticked by. Tears streamed down your face from the pain and ash filling the air. A horrid smell wafted around and you feared that was coming from you.

"Come now, the heroes aren't going to save you. They always break their promises, just like villains. Hell, I couldn't tell you how many promises I've broken in this day alone! Heros and villains are one and the same when it comes down to it! The only difference is that villains are seen as a disgrace while heroes are praised for doing publicity stunts!"

Five minutes.

Dabi's boot came crashing down on your throat, pushing as hard as he could. You could feel the heat of life begin to diminish with each passing moment you lacked oxygen. Shouts in the distance could be heard, the heroes were almost here. Yet, they wouldn't be here soon enough. They wouldn't be here to save you. Was this really how you were going to die?

One particular loud shout registered as your father and for once, you felt grateful that he was around. He didn't even know you were here, you hadn't told him where you had gone after school. Would he be moving faster if he knew you were there? If anyone could save you, it would be him. You wanted to feel his arms wrap around you, holding you and making you feel safe one more time. He could save you.

Or at least he could be here as you died.

"Poor Little Todoroki, it seems like you are going to just miss out on the fun." The rest of the world was blurring and disappearing into the growing darkness, leaving the fire illuminated Dabi as the only thing visible.

With a smirk illuminated by the sharp blue flames, you stared up at the eyes that would be the last thing you would ever see. They were eyes that seemed so familiar to you. They were...your father's eyes. No, not your father's. That wouldn't make sense, you weren't hallucinating. No, they were eyes filled with the flames you had only seen in two people before. These were the eyes of the one who had cared for you the most once upon a time. How had it come to this? How could it be true? He wouldn't hurt you but as you lay dying at his feet, you knew there was no denying it.

"Dad isn't going to like this, now is he?"

They were Touya's.

457 notes · View notes

cryptiql · 4 years ago

Text

untitled god song

pairing: bakugou/m!reader (trans reader in mind you can see it if you squint but can also be read as cis)

words: 2k

warnings: themes of religious trauma, homophobia, mentions of blood, the author projecting their mommy issues

a/n: this is purely self indulgent, don't mind me 😩✋ (written in first person)

i wish i had known him before the pain started. perhaps it is a fools dream to think that his presence would have solved anything, and it is likely that he might blown me sky high at the time, if given the chance, but i often ponder his place in my narrative. he is nothing less than a king—nay, a god—and what else am i to be except his humble servant, adoring him in the only way i've been taught?

i would bruise my knees as i kneel for him, and should he turn me away, i shall be lost and without purpose. but he does not, and instead, he snorts out a laugh and pulls me to my feet, roughly squeezing my cheeks together with a shit-eating grin. he'll tell me a joke i've heard a thousand times, and yet i laugh with him anyways, the pads of my fingers idly tapping the pulse on his wrists.

"dumbass, at least take me out to dinner first."

i never thought i'd ache to hear such a demeaning nickname, but it's like birdsong to my ears, and i long for the myriad of butterflies it provokes.

i would heed his every word like a faithful disciple, and—if i knew he would not use this power for the wrong reasons—carry it out without question. he'll roll his eyes at the notion, far too prideful at the idea of being praised, and card hands through my hair, gripping softly. "right. and if i told you to go to bed before five in the morning, would you listen?"

my smiles are genuine, as they all are with him.

"no." i wish my mother had been more open-minded; more loving to those she claimed were goners. maybe then, i could still call her my mother, and not a snarled version of her first name steeped in vinegar. maybe she could have met him, and maybe she would have keeled over in the process, but that is how we put it "killing two birds with one stone".

he was a fallen angel if ever i saw one—emblazoned in smog and ravenous inferno, the pieces of child-like innocence turning to ash. something happened to him when he was a kid, just as all gifted children, and oh, what a fool i was to let my gaze dawdle on his gorgeous form. but i will never regret it—no, not ever—for there is no such feeling that can compare to his eyes on mine, burning with a mind-fogging intensity.

it was instantaneous, the moment my thoughts turned on me with malicious intent, her voice ringing out like a gunshot.

you'll never be him.

his hand slots with mine perfectly; deliciously warm and comforting in a way i haven't felt in years; and hauls me up, the flecks of dirt and rubble from the road clinging to my jeans.

"watch it, pretty boy. i won't always be here to save you, y'know."

my heart batters against my ribs like a caged bird, screeching and wailing to be set free, and i wonder in a haze if i've died. judgement day must have come early, i think, not realizing that it was spoken aloud until the blonde quirks a brow inquisitively. he does not speak on the matter, but continues on his merry way, leaving my helpless; hopelessly enamored; and praying that we will meet again.

no, i could never be him. but i am like him. he has a sureness in his walk and fervor in the way he talks that is only recognizable when i look in the mirror. and we do meet again. it is a shame, however, that i must burden him with the weight of my past. i remember too often the troubles of my youth, even when all has passed into fleeting memories that haunt me as ghosts do to an abandoned house. yet, i still live in this house, and the ghosts are here to keep me company.

i remember the church, first and foremost; nestled between the barren country road and the outback; a beacon of hope to all those who stood in its doors. the luster of freshly polished wood still sits in my mind, accompanied by the echoing remnants of dulcet tones and multicolored bands of light, glaring from the stained glass windows and dancing across the musty carpet floor. the doddering pews were just as uncomfortable as the poorly padded chairs squatting in the front row, but every sunday, they were filled to the brim with hungry worshippers. they sang praise as though they were starved, but i was too young to understand for what. i am older now, and i still don't understand. all i know is that despite its reputation, the church was a cursed place, and i should never set foot in it again lest i go mad. i remember the creaking stairs which lead downstairs, and the winding halls that reeked of torment where shadows loomed. the paint was corroding and foul, and my conscious always loitered too long on the merlot stain on the ceiling; its origin unknown, but nevertheless urging my stomach to twist with nausea.

i remember the feeling of tall grass grazing my ankles; itching horribly from the old moth-eaten socks i was forced to wear. it had become second nature—running and hiding from my problems, from the church, from her. i shall never know a greater animosity than the likes that my mother encouraged, although unintentionally, with her pressuring views and sickeningly sweet smile. it's fake, and i would know, because ours are the same.

we are too similar, and i am sickened by the fact. will i become the wretched woman she is? will i fail to be the father i've dreamt of being? it is an easy thing to fall prey to haunting questions, and it serves as brain rot for every moment of silence that leaves me clawing at my skin, trying to reap the memory of her touch. then i began to think—about nothing and everything—and it does not stop. i will be kind; unforgivingly so, and without biased judgement; like my mother never was, and i'll make her hate me for it. i will grow in leaps and bounds, not for her sake or for god's, but for mine, as it always should have been. i will drink and curse with reckless abandon and kiss who i damn well please, because in no life does she have have the power to make me something i'm not. why should i feel sorry when the tears she wept were forged by my own blood; by the childhood memories locked away to rot in my subconscious? yes, she has suffered too, but it is through clenched teeth and raw-bitten lips that i must confess this, for her suffering was born in me and grew from a seedling into a thorned flower, nourished by her hatred and mine. she'll tell me the lie of all mothers before her: that she knows best, and i'll never know joy that is not from my savior's gracious hands.

one day, when she lies not with words but in silence, under worm-filled earth and withering pastures, i'll tell her that she was right. i'll tell her, with his hand in mine, that my savior arrived with hellfire in his eyes and fury unrelenting. his tongue holds venom that would make the devil blush, but he tastes of a sinful sweetness that i've drowned in more times than i care to count.

mother you should know, my god is like no other. he has a broad chest and muscles, i attest, that are sculpted like fine marble and smooth to the test.

my god is a man who loves other men, unashamedly; in all that is true; and kisses me like real people do. and i know it sounds silly, and a bit cliché, and he'd surely make a mockery of me if ever he heard, but i love him. i love him as passionately as you she does lord above, and it is a crime in itself how much i crave him, so yes, i will burn for this—not because my mother said so or by the ancient script that foretells it, but because i promise it. i promise to let neither hell or high water deter me from that which gives me life, and i'll do so with a ring.

"you hear that mom?" i'll whisper in the dead of night, his body flushed against mine in the most delightful way; his fingers curled into my nightshirt, pulling me closer as listless mumbles fall from his parted lips. he is dead to the world amid his dream ridden stupor, but still leans into my touch when i smooth back the wild tufts of hair to kiss his forehead.

"i'm gonna marry him." part of me wishes she didn't live on the other side of the planet, just so i could rub it in her face, but i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me again. i won't let her think she's won, because i know, and katsuki knows, that he and i are one in the same.

i do not know who i should thank for my stubbornness, be it my mother or my father, so i will thank the pain they both caused me, for it made me stronger than they ever could. no, i did not become a better person, because the scars have yet to heal from how deep they cut, and the smell of blood still lingers, and i am angrier than i once was, but i cherish my wounds. the stench of my agony has long since been subdued, and i have learned to swallow the sickness it evokes. and yes, this anger is unhealthy and i've chosen not to purge it from my mind like the weed it is, but how lucky am i to have found one whose malice rivals my own?

the tales of his glory have littered my notebooks in smudged ink. you would hate him, is scrawled messily on the last page, but i only feel giddy with excitement. you would hate him for his spite and his unapologetic behavior, and that is why he's perfect. he's everything you hate about this world, but everything i love.

so when she gets to heaven and asks the angels "why?", they'll tell her it was him who made the devil cry. him, who held me like she should have—could have, if she hadn't terrified me—and who chased the nightmarish visions of her from my weary mind with his callous palms and soft-spoken reassurances. i wish i had known him when we were young; when things were not so simple and i needed a hand to hold; but i suppose we'll have to settle for faded photographs and stories told through the bitter aroma of alcohol. that's more than enough, i muse to myself, legs hooked over his as i rest my head on his shoulder, keening softly at the gentle scrape of his nails on my scalp. his arms wind around my waist as he mutters something along the lines of "i love you", his lips curling into a smile, illuminated by the televisions glow.

so when they ask of my religion, i will think of only him. i will recall the way he looks at me, the sound of my name on his tongue, the feeling of his lips trailing between the valley of my breast; featherlight, cautious and unfitting for a man of his nature. i've written songs of praise, all dedicated to him, and if only he knew, oh how smug he would be. but i love him, i love him, i love him. and when he spins me around like a marionette, it is with overwhelming pride and joy that i tell him this, and with rose hued cheeks and bashful grumbles, he tells me the same. so mother, wherever you are, i hope you know i've found my god.

#💥.katsuki #bakugou x trans reader #bakugou x trans male reader #bakugou x male reader #katsuki bakugou x male reader #male reader insert #mha x male reader #boku no hero x reader #bakugou x you #trans reader

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builder051 · 3 years ago

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Marvel Disabilities Celebration Week: Day 1

We fit like an Enfit (tube 'verse)--Captain America AU

______________________

Steve's been up since before dawn, clutching James's arm and retching into the mixing bowl in his lap. They're both bleary; James's hearing aids lie forgotten on the bedside table, and Steve's hair stands on end, now that James's fingers have run through it possibly a thousand times.

"You think you're about done?" James asks, patting Steve's bony shoulder as he spits dregs of bile into the bowl.

"Mmm," Steve muses, as if he really has a say in the decision. Stomach matter has been forcing itself up his throat for... hours now, it must be. The faintly glowing clock under the TV has pushed forward from five to six to seven in the morning, but to Steve, it doesn't feel like that much time passed.

Steve's last heave has been clear tinged with mucousy yellow. This one looks whitish, and it tastes like warm, chalky milk. A feeling of dread runs through him as he realizes it's his formula, intestinal sludge now coming back up through his mouth to haunt him.

"Ugh." He spits, hard, attempting to detach the thick stream of enteral nutrition from his lower lip. This stuff isn't supposed to come up. He's not meant to vomit up stuff that starts off below his stomach to begin with. But he supposes that, as an individual with gastrointestinal disease, he should be prepared for the weird shit to happen every once in a while.

"What is that?" James seems to be catching on.

"Formula, I think," Steve chokes.

"What?" James leans his head closer, nearly dipping a lock of his hair into the bowl of sick in his attempt to get close enough to hear Steve's answer.

"Nasty shit." Steve then realizes he's probably lucky that he's not literally vomiting up his shit, what with his digestive system going in reverse as it currently is.

James pats Steve gently on the back. Steve coughs. His eyes and nose start to stream, and his mouth stretches wide for a pitiful dribble of bile, which is badly aimed and catches the edge of the bowl and the front of his shirt.

"Sorry," James whispers.

"'S ok." Steve finally detaches the long, wet string from his face with the back of his hand. He pants for a few moments, struggling to find his breath. Then he tips his head sideways to lay against James's shoulder.

James continues to hold the metal mixing bowl in his lap, his prosthetic arm balancing it in place while his flesh one snuggles Steve close.

More time passes. The clock flips on to read that it's now after eight. "I think..." Steve says tentatively. "I think... I'm done."

"You sure?" James checks in. "You said that the last, like, three times as well."

"I really think there's nothing left." Steve grips James around the waist and shoves himself up into a fully seated position. "I... My throat hurts, but my stomach is alright, I think."

James slowly nods. "Ok. D'you think you can handle a sip of water? Or, like a couple ounces of water in your tube?"

Steve considers. "Maybe you can do a little water bolus in a minute. For now, I just want to... sit a minute."

"Sure." James nods, the movement carrying into Steve's body and making him feel comforted and nauseated at the same time.

The sound of a jingling bell collar comes bounding down the hall, and Steve's partially closed eyes snap open. "Alpine!"

"He's not gonna eat your tubes..." James begins to roll his eyes.

"C'mon, cat, you know better--" Steve makes a shooing motion as the petite white cat makes to rub against his legs and sniff at the feeding tube dangling off the edge of the sofa.

Just as James said, Alpine leaves the tube alone and instead crouches, leaps, and lands in Steve's lap, narrowly avoiding upsetting the wobbling bowl of sick.

"Of course," Steve mutters under his breath, convincing himself that he's well and truly done puking.

"I'll get your water, shall I?" James offers, standing up and taking the bowl toward the kitchen. "And dispose of this?"

Steve nods, then looks down at Alpine. "And I guess I'm supposed to pet this?"

"Aren't you?" James raises his eyebrows at the cat's cocked head, one ear flattened as if inviting a hand to come down perfectly in that spot.

"Sure." Steve can't help hide his grin.

James takes off for the kitchen, and Steve strokes Alpine behind the ear, both enamored and annoyed with the cat's immediate purr.

When James comes back a moment later, he has his phone clutched in his hand and a water bottle and syringe resting in his prosthetic grip.

"What's up?" Steve asks.

"Yeah. Just called into work," James says. "Well, texted. Can't hear worth shit on this thing without bluetooth." He gestures down the hall, toward the bedroom, and, ostensibly, toward his aids, which have the magical ability of bluetooth connectivity.

"Oh." Steve does a quick self-inventory, then says, "I'm, well, I'm actually ok, I think. It was a bad minute, but I think I'm done puking my guts up."

"A bad minute?" James looks down at his watch. "Try, like, four hours."

"Really?"

"...yeah..."

"I was gonna say we should maybe make toast and watch some TV before you have to leave for work," Steve says guiltily.

"Fucking... toast?" James shakes his head. "Are you nuts?"

"I'm hungry..."

"You're fucking empty." James sits down on the edge of the couch and places the water bottle and syringe on the side table. "I think you should stay that way for a few, then I'll give you some water. If you haven't puked again by, like, lunchtime, then maybe I'll give you some toast."

"Ok, point taken." Steve pets Alpine again. "Since you're home today, what do you want to do?"

"I thought you wanted to watch TV," James says. "Isn't it Shark Week?"

"Yeah." Steve isn't sure if he's proud or self-conscious that he keeps up with these things.

James hands him the remote and reaches over to give the cat a few strokes down the tail.

"Thanks," Steve whispers. "I don't know what I'd do without you. Really, I don't."

"You don't know what you'd do without Alpine, you mean." James grins.

"Oh, I suppose he's ok." Steve returns the expression.

"You're pretty ok, too."

"Yeah? Well you're the okayest."

James leans in to kiss Steve on the cheek. "I love you. Even when you puke all over me all night."

"I'll try not to do it again." Steve crosses his heart. Alpine looks disappointed at the pause in the petting.

"Liar."

"Well, you know the risks of being with me..."

"Stevie, stop." James places his hand on Steve's chest. "I took the whole day off to watch stupid real-life Jaws with you, just to be sure you don't pass out when your blood pressure tanks when you stand up."

"Buck, I'm fine--"

"Yeah, you say you are. But, let me be the expert here, ok? I don't think you're good to be alone right now."

"Alpine would look after me," Steve says definitively, his smile returning.

"Can't say I don't trust him to do a good job. But there are some things I want to do myself, I guess," James says.

"Well, if you say so." Steve sinks low in his seat and rests his head against James's arm. He turns on the television and flips through the channels until a great white fills the screen, blue tinged with the aura of an underwater camera.

James pets Alpine again, then reaches his fingers upward to pull them through Steve's messy mop. "Glad you're ok."

"Me, too." Steve looks up at him. "I love you."

"I love you too. No matter what."

#marvel #mcu #fanfic #fanfiction #hurt/comfort #emeto #emetophilia #illumivomi #caretaking #sickfic #captain america #steve rogers #bucky barnes #winter soldier #feeding tube #we fit like an enfit #alpine the cat #marvel disability celebration

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moony-artnstuff · 4 years ago

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Commission @smol-wincheeseter

Note: @smol-wincheeseter Hi hun! Here is your commission. Sorry that I didn’t post it yesterday, my computer crashed☹ I tried to add as many elements as possible, hope you like it, and I hope you’re doing alright!

WARNING: Depression, suicidal thought, self-harm (although prevented) Please read carefully and stay safe!

“Lassie? Is everything alright?”

You were shaken out of your thoughts by the sound of a voice. As you blinked your eyes and became aware of your surroundings again, you noticed Bofur had placed his hand over yours, which were resting in your lap. You turned your head to look at the dwarf and were met with his concerned gaze.

“Bofur?” you asked confused.

“You suddenly stopped carving,” he explained, motioning to the half-finished wooden figure beside you, “and then when I looked up you were scratching your hands and clenching your teeth. Are ya doing okay?” For a moment you just blinked, still processing the words. Then you put up the smile you always wore, and answered,

“Yeah, I’m fine, I was just… distracted for a moment. Thinking about my own world, you know?” and you hoped he would believe you. Bofur simply gave you a sympathetic smile.

“If you ever feel the need to talk about it, or anything at all, I’m always here.” and he gave your hand a friendly squeeze before standing up.

“Now, if my nose isn’t betraying me, I’d say Bombur has finished cooking us dinner, let’s go see what he’s made us.” and he offered you his arm. As you took it you hoped the smile was still present on your face, as only the thought of food made you want to throw up. When the two of you arrived you sat down next to Fili and Kili, quickly joining them in their conversation. Laughter soon filled the air, as you started to crack jokes, making Fili clutch his stomach while his brother almost fell off the log you were sitting on. And then Bombur handed you your plate with food.

“Here you go, y/n!” he said cheerfully, a kind smile on his face, “We got lucky today. I’ve found some really good spices to make it taste extra good, I hope you enjoy it!” and his gaze almost seemed hopeful as he handed you your dinner. You assured him his cooking skills were most excellent, while trying to force down the nauseous feeling in your stomach. Even though it wasn’t a lot of food - the companies rations were scarce, and it was a matter of luck whether or not hunting would offer any food - but you could already feel the calories adding to your body, and it made you sick. Most of the evening you just played around with your food, listening to the talking around you, and every now and then putting a small bite into your mouth when a member of the company was looking your way, when all of the sudden you heard a strange sound next to you. As you turned your head you saw Bilbo trying to sneakily put some of his food on your plate. He abruptly stopped his movements when he noticed you looking at him, and he went beat-red.

“I- I um…”

“Bilbo? What are you doing?” You asked, wondering why that sweet little hobbit, who already had to deal with less meals than he was used to, was putting his food on your still almost full plate.

“Um.. I just- I didn’t mean…” he stammered, before taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I just thought that- you haven’t been eating a lot lately, and- and I’m worried about your health so I… I thought you could do with a little more food.” Bilbo had placed his plate back in his lap with his gaze fixed on his feet, hoping you were not mad at him.

“That’s very sweet of you, Bilbo” you swallowed, willing down the upcoming tears, “but you needn't worry about me, I’m just not that hungry.” You quickly stood up, flashing him a grin before continuing,

“I am rather tired however, so I’ll be heading off to bed now. Good night!” and before Bilbo could say another word you had turned around and made your way for your bedroll, even though you knew sleep wouldn’t come to you that night. You weren’t angry at Bilbo. You knew he only meant to do good, but you couldn’t stand eating the food, couldn’t even bear the thought of having to eat more of the food. As your head hit the pillow, dark thoughts started to consume your mind. How long would you have to go on like this?

As the night got darker more and more members of the company made their way to their bedrolls, until eventually only Dwalin and Fili - who were on nightwatch together - and Bofur remained. The latter sat on a big rock overlooking the valley below, smoking his pipe as he was lost in thought. He worried about you. A lot. He noticed you acted rather strange as of late, even though you seemed to try and hide it. At first Bofur figured it was simply the homesickness for your own world that made you seem detached from reality, and that, being as young as you were, it were the travel circumstances that made you seem so tense and exhausted at moments. But then his brother informed him that you started to eat less and less, and he heard from Fili and Kili that most nights you would barely sleep at all. And then there was your strange humming. Now, there was nothing wrong with humming of course, Bofur himself was always singing one kind of folk song or another, so it wasn’t the humming itself that was strange. No, it was what would happen after that. You would get up in the middle of the night and start to wander around, seemingly in trance until Ori had shaken you out of it, or when not even a few days ago, you had come back from bathing in the river, and had cut off all of your hair up until your ears. Bofur had worriedly asked you what happened, but you simply said you had wanted a change of style, and so he had reluctantly dropped the subject.

“You’re thinking about y/n too?” Fili’s voice startled Bofur out of his thoughts, and made him turn his head to look at the blond haired prince.

“Aye, I am.” he sighed.

“She’s been getting worse lately,” Fili continued, “I’m not sure what exactly is going on but, I- I fear she might be hurting herself, and she’s not reaching out for help, so I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ve been trying to keep an eye on her,” Dwalin spoke, who had joined them on Bofur’s other side, “been tryin’ to make sure the lass was eating and stayed in her bedroll, but I can’t stay awake all night.” and the warrior let out an audible sigh. Bofur fondly shaked his head at the warrior.

“Softy.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all.” and the three dwarves let out a chuckle, but it was short-lived when they simultaneously realized; humming. They whipped their heads around to look at your bedroll, only to find you gone, and so was Fili’s knife. Then Dwalin saw a glimpse of your form disappearing into the forest, and he ran after you, Bofur and Kili hot on his heels.

You only faintly realized you were humming as you wandered into the forest, some distant kind of melody from the subconscious of your mind. You didn’t feel the sting of sharp rocks under your bare feet, or the cold wind chilling you to the bone. You just felt tired. Tired and numb. When you stopped walking you had arrived at a small clearing. As you let yourself sink to your knees you started to toy with Fili’s knife, looking at the runes and marking embedded in the blade. It wasn’t your intention to take it without asking, but it was the closest sharp object you could find. You didn’t like the sting of the blade on your skin, you knew you shouldn’t be doing this, but you felt like such a burden to the company of Thorin Oakenshield. You deserved to be punished, didn’t you? You deserved to-

“STOP!”

A startled cry made you look up, and before you knew it someone removed the knife out of your reach and warmth enveloped your body as Fili wrapped his fur coat around you.

“What in Mahal’s name do you think yer doing lass?! Ya could’ve seriously injured yourself!” You recognized Dwalin’s voice. He sounded… almost concerned?

“Y/n… please, don’t do these things to yourself, we care too much for you to hurt yourself.” and it was as you met Bofur’s glassy eyes that tears started to form in yours. A broken sob left your throat as you tried to bury yourself further in Fili’s coat.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to- I’m so sorry!” and you wept as three pairs of arms surrounded you in a hug, letting out all the hurt and anguish you had bottled up inside you.

“It’s alright lassie,” Bofur choked, “you’re gonna be alright.”

Dwalin carried you back to camp as Bofur collected some extra tunics and some warm socks for you to put on. While they helped you get dressed, Fili went to quietly wake up Oìn, softly explaining what had happened. The old dwarf tended to your cuts; cleaning and bandaging them, making no comment except for the shake of his head. When he was finished, he took both of your hands in his, squeezing softly to make sure he had your full attention as he said,

“If you ever need me to patch you up after these kinds of things, don’t be afraid to ask. I will not judge or make any comments, as long as I get to make sure you get looked after.” then he patted your hands one more time, before making his way back to his bedroll.

After that Fili and Dwalin went back to their nightwatch, but not before Fili insisted you kept wearing his fur coat. “You need it more than I do”, he had said. As you looked their way, you noticed Dwalin glancing at you from time to time, as if to make sure you were still there.

“Lassie?” Bofur said, and you turned to meet his gaze.

“I just want you to know that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Life isn’t always gonna be great, sometimes it just sucks, and makes you believe you’re things that you're not, that you’re someone who doesn’t deserve to be here, and when that happens I want you to come to me. I want you to know that you are worth it, so much. And that you are loved, and cared for, and irreplaceable. So please…” and he took his hat off and plopped it onto yours,

“Keep on living, and I promise you, the sun will shine on you again.” and that’s when you knew. That’s when you knew that you deserve people to care for you, you deserve people to tend to your wounds, to tell you it’s gonna be okay, and people to hold you when life feels like drowning you. Fondly gazing at your bandaged wrists, with Fili’s coat around you, Dwalin’s watchful gaze and Bofur’s caring smile, you knew;

You are loved.

#commission #the hobbit #the hobbit x reader #bofur x reader #Bofur #dwalin #dwalin x reader #fili #fili x reader #platonic #the company #the company of thorin

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smarchit · 4 years ago

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Look Around, Look Around pt 6

Summary: You escaped an abusive marriage, pregnant with your husband’s child. He sends a bounty hunter after you to bring you back. Everything changes. Din Djarin/pregnant!reader, no use of y/n

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: Pregnancy/related topics, implied/referenced rape, mentions of abuse, blood, labor

Notes: Blown away by Tumblr’s response to this tbh. I’m absolutely overwhelmed by all the kind comments <3

He was supposed to take you back to Sorgan after that job. Supposed to take you back and let you spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy in comfort, let you give birth there in safety.

You managed to convince him to take you to a few more planets under the guise of wanting to see if there were any cities with salt baths that would help your swollen feet and legs. He knew you were lying through your teeth, but he never said anything one way or the other.

Now at a little over eight months pregnant and with your own gravitational pull, you walked through a vibrant market place of a large, exotic city during the height of their local fertility festival. You had been given baskets laden with blankets, food, and natural home remedies for easing the pain of birth.

People threw colorful powders and fragrant flowers in the streets at one another and it was extremely difficult not to get caught in their crossfire. You were certain that you were covered in vibrant color - you may have even been the target on more than one occasion because of your pregnancy. Not that you minded. You were having too much fun.

The little one was captivated by brightly colored dancers that spit fire in brilliant arcs across the path. The bells on their ankles caught his attention more and whenever one would cartwheel in front of his pod, he would make a grab for them, despite the gentle scolds from Mando.

You currently were sitting at a round patio table at an outdoor café. Lively music from a nearby band was muffled slightly by the crowd enough that you could speak without losing your voice.

"This is amazing!" you said to Mando, who looked incredibly out of place amidst bright colors and bare skin of the locals. He shifted in his seat and you knew he was scanning the crowd for potential threats. It wasn't personal, and it wasn't anything against the planet or its inhabitants, but more just who Mando was as a person.

Good gods, did the man ever relax?

Mando had ordered a cup of soup for the child, and expressed his displeasure for you turning down food.

"You need to eat something," he said firmly, straightening his back.

"I'm not hungry," you sighed. "The moon is currently displacing my vital organs."

"Your moon is exactly why you have to try to eat something," he said with a sigh. He shook his head and looked back over at the child, who was glancing between the two of you. When Mando looked at him, he smiled and babbled.

"She's moving around a lot in there today," you groaned, rubbing one side of your belly. "Take it easy, little moon. We're not going anywhere."

"Must be getting cramped in there," Mando hummed without looking back at you. He did another once over of the crowd and then sighed.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

He shrugged. "Just too crowded."

"Not a people-person, Mando?" you hummed.

"You wouldn't be either if you were me."

You supposed that was true. Even a few months ago you wouldn't have come to a place like this where bodies touched and jostled on either side of you. You got comfortable, but you imagined if you were in his boots, you would hate places like this. Too much chaos. Too many things that could go wrong.

"We should go," he said after a moment. He grabbed a basket and helped you to your feet before guiding you through a dip in the crowd.

It took a while to reach the hangar where the Crest was located due to the throng of bodies in your way.

Once you arrived back, Mando handed you a towel to wipe powder from your hair and clothes.

"The puck got activated," he said grimly as he locked the hatch.

You were shaking flower petals from your hair and the smile instantly dropped from your face.

"What?"

Mando turned to you. "I knew it was too easy. He let you go too easily for that to be the end of it."

You walked backwards until you found a seat and lowered yourself into it. Your heart pounded in your ears and you barely registered his words.

Your husband knows exactly where you are.

He knew what you were doing, where you were going, he might even know where you planned on giving birth. Would he attack then? When you were raw and vulnerable, bed soaked in your blood and eyes wild with instinct?

Like a caged animal. Though injured animals will do anything to protect themselves.

"Hey, hey, don't give out on me," Mando said loud enough to draw you from your fear. He grabbed your shoulders and shook you gently so you would look at him. "You're safe with me, okay? I'm not going to let him take you."

"Why is he-- Why is he doing this?" you whispered as you felt tears start to fall. You could barely speak. The thought of him finding you touching you, putting his hands on you... On your baby. It made you sick. It made you scared. It made you angry.

"Because he's a coward," Mando said softly, guiding your face back to look at him when you glanced away. "He's small; he has to hurt others to feel better. You are safe. You and your moon." He placed a warm hand on your belly. The baby flip flopped in response.

"Please don't let him get me," you begged. "Promise me. Not me. Not my baby."

Mando looked at you and nodded. "I promise." He leaned up on his knees and pressed his forehead to yours. He held the position for a moment before he got to his feet.

"We're leaving this planet right now," he said. He picked up the baby and set him back in his pod and turned to set coordinates.

"Where will we go?" you asked, suddenly feeling like the smallest person in the galaxy. "Where will we go that he can't find us?"

"I have a few places in mind," he said as the ship dragged itself out of the planet's atmosphere. "Safe places."

"Sorgan?" you asked hopefully.

He paused for a minute. "Sorgan isn't safe. If he knows you were there he'll have people there waiting."

You held on tight as he punched in the coordinates for some unknown planet in on the pad.

What would you do if it came down to capture and return?

You couldn't help but cry. You looked down at your stomach and cupped both hands around it.

"I'm so sorry, little one," you whispered.

***

A few hours later, Mando dropped the ship out of hyperspace. A planet lay before you, dark and unfriendly looking in the blackness of space. There were a few lights from cities spread out in the far reaches of the large sprawling continent, but beyond that, you could see nothing.

"What is this place?" you asked.

"Arvala-7," he replied. "I had a... Friend who lived here. Worked on a moisture farm. Helped me with the kid."

"He doesn't live here anymore?" you asked, forcing yourself out of your seat with difficulty. You ignored the pain in your belly and back - normal for this late in your pregnancy. False labor couldn't detract from your fears right now.

"He died," Mando said softly.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't reply and started the deceleration to land in a remote section of desert.

"You should be safe here," he said as he lowered the hatch for the two of you to step out.

"Should be?"

He nodded. "Should be."

"How could he find me?" you asked softly as Mando set about shouldering open the long-locked front door.

"Tracking pucks," he grunted, throwing his whole body against the door. He let out a rather undignified cry as he fell inside when the lock finally gave way and the door banged open. When he stood he fished one out of his pocket and held it out in his palm to you. It flashed a rapid red as it neared you. "That's how."

"Why now?" you asked. Rage welled up in your heart at the thought of this vile man getting a hold of you again.

"Probably just wants to scare you," he said as he set about tidying the little house up. "Knows that baby is coming soon. Just wants to stress you out more."

As if on cue, a particularly rough false contraction hit and you vaulted forward to grip the edge of the table. You arched your back, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure.

"Oh, kriff," you gasped, gritting your teeth. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a few deep breaths in and out. "Maker, I don't want to know how bad the real thing is gonna be."

"You won't be alone," Mando said softly as he placed a hand on your back.

"Yeah, well," you gasped, "No offense, but have you ever delivered a baby?"

Mando was quiet.

"Yeah, didn't think so."

"You'll be fine," he assured. "Sit. I'm gonna go look around, see what we can salvage and use."

You sighed and nodded. "If you need help, let me know. Sometimes walking helps with the pain."

He looked around at the state of the main living room. "Okay. Here, I'm gonna fix the bed. You go and get the blankets from the ship. Take a few trips if they're heavy."

You took the key from him and started back towards the ship, a hand grasping your belly. It's okay, my moon.

As you boarded the ship and headed towards the bedroom, you heard what sounded like voices from the cockpit. Taunting voices drifted down the ladder and through the corridor to you, though you couldn't make out what was being said. As your heart hammered away in your chest, you tiptoed to the ladder to ascend to the cockpit.

It became obvious to you as soon as you breached the top of the ladder that the voices were on a recording, an old transmission that must've automatically started playing when the ship picked up a bio feedback on board.

"...don't worry, Mando. We just want the little whore you been travelling with. Not that ugly kid," a low voice growled up at you from the holopad. A thin blue image of a burly, bald man was staring up at you and illuminating the otherwise dark cockpit. "Ain't got nothin' to worry about with us. In and out, like always. She got a good price out on her, and with that baby intact, there's a double offer on 'em. So we call it even, got it? Besides, Xi'an misses you."

Your heart was pounding in your throat as you sank into the pilot's chair. Mando was right. People were looking for you.

A chilling thought entered your mind and no matter how much you tried, you couldn't shake it.

Did Mando turn you in?

You broke out in a cold sweat as you glanced around the cockpit for something that could be used as a weapon. If he knew that you saw this message...

Maybe he didn't have to know you saw it. After all, he just sent you in here to get the bedding. He wouldn't know... You hit delete, hoping maybe he wouldn't find out about it.

You quickly descended the ladder and retrieved some of the bedding and carried it down the ramp of the ship.

Mando was tending to the moisture tanks a little way away from the house and you eyed him warily. It was the first time in six months you had not trusted him.

Why would he wait until now? Were he and his friends waiting to literally snatch the baby from between your legs and drag you by your hair, kicking and screaming to your ex-husband, a bloody trail dragging behind you?

Mando wouldn't do that. You knew he wouldn't. So why now were you so afraid? Was it just the mounting anxiety of new motherhood catching up to you?

You busied yourself as best you could while you waited for him to come back to the house, both by trying to clean up all the dust that gathered and by watching the baby.

He had been uneasy the last few days, especially around you. He would babble softly and reach for you to pick him up, which you had been having trouble doing due to the fact that you could barely bend over.

One time he cried so hard and so loud that Mando ended up taking him for a walk off the ship until he fell asleep so your breasts would stop leaking and soaking through your shirt.

The lights came on automatically a few hours later and were droning steadily for half an hour by the time Mando came back inside

"So bad news," he said with a tired sigh as he dropped into a chair at the rickety kitchen table. "Moisture tanks are busted to hell. Looks like Jawas scavved the machinery. I tried to salvage what I could but no luck."

"What are we going to do?" you asked softly.

Mando shrugged. "Gonna have to go find somewhere. We're gonna need a lot of it, especially when that baby decides to make an appearance."

"Should I come with y--"

"No. You're gonna stay here," he said firmly. "I'll leave my gun and a knife for you."

"You're going to leave?" you asked, heart racing.

"I'll only be gone a couple of hours," he said, getting to his feet. He unholstered his blaster and took a knife from his sheath. "Safety is off on that. Use it like I taught you if something happens, okay?"

He handed them both to you and picked up the baby. "I'll leave the ship. If anyone comes, you go inside and you lock that door. Nothing on this planet will get inside. I'll be back by morning."

Mando came over to you and cupped his hand around the back of your head and pulled you close to press his forehead against yours. Second time he's done that...

He seemed hesitant to pull away from you. He placed the baby in his pod and looked back at you, his shoulders tense and squared.

"You'll be safe here. I promise," he said as he opened the door. "I'm gonna take the kid with me. You need to take it easy and he'll just be upset the whole time."

You looked at him, eyes wide with fear as you watched him leave.

For a moment, you debated telling him about the message on his ship. But you knew then he wouldn't leave - and you needed water. Washing, cleaning, sanitation, drinking. A lot of water was necessary, especially if you were going to be here for a while.

He shut the door behind him and you waited a few minutes before you got up and shoved a broom through the door handle, effectively locking it from the inside. If you needed to escape out the back door, it would buy you a moment of time.

He knows where I am. He knows I'm with the Mandalorian... He knows that I am alone.

You had to do something to keep your mind busy and off of the thought of being taken back to evil himself. It wasn't easy, and you desperately wished that he left the baby. He was right though. You needed to rest and sleep as much as you possibly could.

You also wished that you brought something to do to distract you from the excruciating pain that was now tearing itself through your lower body. As quickly as you could, you ran to the section of the abandoned homestead that had once been used to repair the moisture tanks, both now stripped bare of essentials. A passing knowledge of some of how some of this stuff works comes in handy every now and then. You had a timer fastened together in no time, set to beep once a minute. It would keep you alert, at least.

As you made your way back to the main part of the house, the pain subsided. You allowed yourself to eat part of the food that Mando had brought in, hoping that would quell the gnawing feeling in your stomach.

The baby turned and shifted as the night went on, even as you bedded down to for the evening.

Sleep didn't come easy that night for you and as you lay awake in the darkness of Arvala-7. All you could do was hope that you wouldn't be alone when the baby came.

***

Mando wasn't back the next morning. He wasn't there to help you out of bed, or to call you me'suum. The Crest was still there though, which brought a little comfort to you that he hadn't simply abandoned you on this desert planet to die of thirst.

He didn't come back by lunchtime.

Or dinner.

Or long after the lights came on.

You found a small leather skin under the bed that had about a day's worth of water in it. It was warm and had a bit of a sandy grit to it, but you drank deeply from it all the same.

That night, in the early hours of the morning, your waters broke.

And you were utterly alone.

***

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added!):

@miscellaneous-mando @lestrange2703 @someplace-darker @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @poeticparker @blackbird337 @the-last-twin-of-krypton @divineangelix @c1996 @mell-bell @qhbr2013 @bookszazzy @marvelbros-oneshots @cuteboyking @boomtownboy @connor-challoner @fandom-lover-4 @itsmysticalmystery @love-struck-aries

#my writing #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #the mandalorian fic #the mandalorian #no use of y/n #look around fic

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marbleheavy · 4 years ago

Text

Flowers for You, From Me

Solangelo Hanahaki Disease AU

Word Count: 8,621

Rating: Teen and Up ( for language)

Read on AO3!

It started with a petal, just one.

Nico shot up in his bed, Tartarus itself lingering behind his eyes even when he was faced with just his empty cabin. It felt like he was still choking on the river phlegethon but wait, no, he was actually choking. He was heaving, his throat closing around something as he clutched at his chest. Sharp coughs were racking him, his chest tightening painfully and he thought that maybe he was dying. Panic was filling his chest, he was terrified that he was still in the pit. That the cabin around him was an illusion, a trick of the mind, another torture of Tartarus. Nico was taking gasping breaths and coughing and suddenly he was tumbling out of his bed. Even as he could barely breathe, he was clambering toward his door and ripping it open, moonlight pouring into the cabin. He was desperately trying to prove to himself that he hadn’t somehow been dragged back down, that he was still at Camp Half-Blood, still safe.

He raised his hands to his face as he crumpled to his knees, coughing and coughing and coughing. Nico could taste blood in his mouth, metallic and sharp on his tongue and his lungs were burning. He was gagging at this point, nearly vomiting as it felt like his windpipe was battling between climbing out or closing entirely. And then he coughed something into his hand, something that left a sweet flavor beneath all the blood. He sucked in a shuddering breath and looked at his palm, where a single, blood-coated petal lay, a yellow edge peeking out.

‘Is that a fucking sunflower?’ he thought, ‘What kind of sick joke is this?’

Nico blinked, his lungs still heaving even as his coughing stopped. He looked up and out his door, camp was quiet and dark, but it was camp. He wasn’t in Tartarus, he was in his cabin, and he had coughed up a flower petal. Nico closed his fist around the petal and stood up on trembling legs, shutting his door as he walked back to his bed. He perched on the edge of the mattress, holding out the hand fisted around the petal in front of him hesitantly. He still felt high on adrenaline and panic and couldn’t quite catch his breath. His chest was aching but he couldn’t focus on anything, his mind was a mess of fear and confusion and exhaustion. He laid back, his head hitting the pillow, and brought his hands to his chest. Nico stared at the ceiling, barely blinking and trying to slow his thoughts down to something he could actually process.

After hours, when the sun was filtering in through his windows, he was able to recognize that, beneath the weakness of his lungs and the fear, there was a profound longing for something he couldn’t really name.

——

Nico sat down at the Hades table in a huff. Percy and Jason were already there, watching him with amusement as he grumbled about being ‘so fucking tired’ and ‘needing a cup of fucking coffee’. “Rough night?” Percy asked, laughing slightly.

Nico looked up and frowned, “Yeah, something like that.”

He reached forward and grabbed his goblet now full of coffee and drank some quickly. It burned his throat raw from coughing and he barely hid his wince. He thought of the petal that was now sitting in his trash can, his stomach twisting. Jason was looking at him quizzically but Nico ignored him and took another gulp of coffee.

“Are you gonna eat anything?” Jason asked.

Nico thought of trying to swallow anything when he could barely handle a warm drink, “Not hungry.”

“Your boyfriend isn’t going to be too happy about that,” Percy teased.

Nico tensed, “My what?”

Percy smiled that stupid smile that used to make Nico weak in the knees but right now, it was turning his stomach, “You know, your boyfriend. The doctor. Blondie. Son of Apollo. Will,” he sang.

Nico set his goblet down harshly, coffee splashing out over the sides. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he mumbled.

“Not yet,” Percy said.

Nico stood up, “Not ever.”

“Whoa, dude,” Percy raised his hands up, “Chill out.”

Nico rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, storming away from the dining pavilion. He heard Jason call after him but he ignored him, his hands shoved in his pockets as he stared at the ground. He didn’t see the person approaching until he was right in front of them, centimeters away from running face first into their chest. He looked up from the flip flops in front of him to see Will looking down at him, smiling lazily with bright eyes and freckles, and it made his chest hurt. “Hey there, Death Boy. Hope you at least ate some toast before you stormed off,” Will said.

Nico scoffed and stepped back slightly, “Whatever you need to hear.”

“Aw, isn’t it a little early for all that snark?” Will laughed.

“Nope,” Nico said, pushing down the warmth he felt in his chest.

“Tell me more about the breakfast that I know you ate because I have told you a million times about how important three balanced meals a day are,” Will insisted.

“Wholesome and delicious,” Nico tried to step past him, “Now I have to go.”

“I can’t say that I believe you,” Will sighed, “So I guess I’ll just make you eat a granola bar when you come visit me in the infirmary when my shift starts in fifteen minutes.”

Nico could feel the itch of a cough start in his throat and he sucked in a breath, “Yeah, fine.”

Will smiled widely at him and Nico held his breath, his chest hitching. “See you soon, Death Boy,” Will said, waving as Nico pushed past him again.

When he was certain that Will was out of ear shot, and when he couldn’t hold his breath anymore, Nico ducked behind a tree and started coughing. He slid his back down the tree as he heaved, the crook of his elbow pressed over his mouth to muffle the sound and catch the blood splatter. Panic welled up in him again as he gagged, no longer because he thought he was in hell again but at the thought of anyone hearing him or finding him. Nico didn’t know what was happening to him but it terrified him. This fit seemed to last longer than the last and at the end of it, he coughed up three petals, all as blood-coated as the first one. He tipped his head back, closing his eyes. After a moment, he brushed the petals from his sleeve and onto the ground, breathing raspily.

Distantly, he heard other campers start to walk around camp to their various lessons and chores. He pushed himself up, standing wobbly, and peered around the tree. There was no one nearby so he darted out, walking briskly toward the infirmary. As he thought, ‘Will is probably waiting for me,’ he felt his lungs start to tense again, becoming tighter almost, like he was running out of space for air.

——

Nico met Will in the infirmary and was immediately handed a granola bar and a clementine. “This is more than I agreed to,” Nico said.

Will smiled at him, “Think of it as a bonus. You need some fruit in your life.”

Nico rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of an infirmary bed. He placed the granola bar beside him and started peeling the clementine, the scent of sweet citrus immediately hitting him. He peeled it gently and intently, trying to avoid squishing any of the fruit. Nico could feel Will’s eyes on him after a moment and he glanced up, blushing as their gazes met. “What?” he asked quietly, looking back down again.

“Nothing,” Will smiled, “You’re just so delicate with that clementine.”

“I don’t want to squish it,” Nico muttered.

Will laughed and Nico’s stomach flipped pleasantly. “You don’t want to squish it?” Will asked.

“Yes,” Nico huffed, “It gets all sticky and ruins the whole experience.”

“Oh, so they’re an experience now?” Will was still laughing.

Nico popped a piece of the fruit into his mouth, “Obviously.”

“You’re so cute,” Will said, looking Nico in the eyes and smiling.

Nico blushed brighter and butterflies were erupting in him. He shoved another piece in his mouth to avoid saying anything back and Will shook his head fondly. Nico’s heart was racing and he felt like he was going to implode from the weight of Will’s gaze. ‘You’re reading into this,’ he told himself as he took a shaky breath, ‘Calm down.’ He deflated slightly and ate another segment.

“You up for cutting bandages?” the blonde asked after a moment.

Nico looked up, “Don’t you have enough? That’s like all I ever do.”

“You’ve played capture the flag, you know how intense it gets. We go through bandages like they’re nothing,” Will said.

“Still, I’ve cut enough bandages to wrap the entire Roman legion from head to toe, including the elephants,” Nico scoffed.

Will stood up and grabbed a roll of bandages and a pair of scissors, handing them to Nico. “Yeah, yeah,” Will sighed, “Just get cutting, Death Boy.”

Nico grabbed the supplies, setting the half finished clementine beside him.

“Hey! Finish your breakfast!” Will scolded.

“You’re extra bossy today,” Nico mumbled.

“Oh darling, you haven’t seen bossy,” Will smiled widely and winked at him, “Plus, I don’t think you mind it all that much.”

Nico’s heart stuttered and he looked down, grumbling as he started to unroll the bandages and cut strips. Will just laughed at him and turned back to his own work.

——

Nico was in his cabin before dinner, reading on his bed but barely comprehending a word. His mind was racing with thoughts of Will, Will, Will. The way that he never flinched at Nico’s presence or sharp words, or the way he smiled like a kid on Christmas when Nico laughed. He wanted to believe that maybe he wasn’t reading into things, that maybe Nico wasn’t the only one who felt the way he did about the other. But then, a voice in the back of his head reminded him of all the things wrong with him and all the things so right about Will and ‘Nobody like Will would ever love you.’

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door. “Come in,” he called out.

Jason pushed the door open and walked in and Nico ignored the spike of disappointment he felt because it wasn’t Will. The son of Jupiter was standing stiffly in front of him and Nico looked up at him, raising an eyebrow as he put his book down and stood up. “Hey, Nico,” Jason said awkwardly.

“What do you want, Jason?” Nico asked.

“I wanted to talk about breakfast today,” Jason told him, shifting on his feet.

Nico’s blood ran cold and he straightened up. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said coldly.

Jason scratched the back of his neck. “Percy shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t cool. I know that you aren’t totally comfortable with,” he paused, “With being who you are. And Percy shouldn’t tease you about it.”

“It’s Percy,” he sighed.

“Yeah,” Jason conceded, “But it still wasn’t okay. And it won’t be until you say it is.”

Nico scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious, Nico. Being gay,” Nico bit back a wince a Jason’s words, “And coming out and everything in between belongs to you. You get to decide what you want and what you’re okay with. I know that Eros took that away from you, but it doesn’t have to happen again. You get to choose who to tell, what is okay for people to say and joke about, how to live. I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with such bullshit but you don’t have to anymore.”

Nico almost laughed at the end, feeling bitter and spiteful. It wasn’t like Jason knew what was happening but it still made his hands shake. He looked down, blinking back tears of frustration. He sucked in a breath and looked back up at Jason, nodding once. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Jason smiled hesitantly at him, “Of course.”

Nico cleared his throat and put his hands in his pockets, “Do you want to go to dinner?”

“Gods, yes,” Jason groaned, “I’m starving.”

Nico chuckled and followed the taller boy as they left his cabin, walking quickly to the dining pavilion. As they made it there and grabbed their food, Nico couldn’t bring himself to pray to his father (or any god) about the fucking petals he was coughing up. He sat down at the Hades table across from Jason. When Percy joined them later, he smiled apologetically and then launched into a story about a young son of Hermes nearly decapitating himself with a sword earlier that day. Nico was grateful for the ramblings, it meant he didn’t have to say much.

Still, occasionally, as he looked past Jason and Percy, he met Will’s eyes and the blonde would smile and Nico would melt. He found it hard to focus on whatever was being said when he could feel the weight of Will’s gaze but gods, he didn’t really care at all.

That night, as Nico thought about Will’s smile and the timbre of his voice and the way he looked at Nico, he coughed up another petal.

——

After two or three weeks, Nico’s coughing and subsequent petal expulsion fits happened two or three times a day. The trash can in his room was filled with bloody petals and he was afraid to take it out in case someone saw it. They hit him often in the middle of the night, jerking him from dreams of his worst memories. Nights spent desperately trying to clear his airway or even just take a single breath. The fits were harder to hide when they happened during the day. He would basically sprint from the infirmary or the dining pavilion and hide behind the nearest building while he nearly coughed his lungs out, but it was always just petals.

And then one day it wasn’t.

Nico was trying to cough quietly as Will talked to him. He knew that this wouldn’t pass until the petals came out but he didn’t want to draw attention to his issue or do anything that would encourage Will to ask questions or examine him. But still, the blonde was shooting him questioning looks and Nico knew that he had to get out of there.

“Are you okay?” Will asked.

“Yup,” Nico coughed, “I just need to get some, uh, water.”

Nico rushed from the examination room and out of the infirmary, praying that Will wouldn’t follow him. He looked over his shoulder and didn’t see anyone, so he ran as fast as he could to the nearest building and ducked behind it.

He tried to suck in a breath, soothe the ache in his lungs, but he was choking instantly. Nico placed a hand at the base of his throat, his fingers digging into his skin as he leaned against the wall. He was coughing and hacking, blood splattering out of his mouth. He could taste it on his tongue and on his lips but he was getting light headed from lack of air. Nico fell forward on his knees, one hand braced on the ground in front of him as he leaned over. His lungs were burning and tightening unbearably so and this was so much worse than it has ever been.

‘Maybe I am dying,’ he thought, ‘Maybe this is it. I’m going to die alone and hiding, coughing up petals.’

He managed to take a gasping breath, it was shallow and weak and only fueled the next bout of heaves. Nico was gagging, bloody saliva dripping from his mouth to the grass in front of him, and his arms were shaking with effort to keep himself up. He retched, expecting a handful of petals to hit the ground in front of him, but it was an entire flower this time. He coughed up an entire flower, mostly intact if he ignored some crumpled petals and a lot of blood. Nico stared at it as he gulped in air, entirely shocked.

He sat back on his knees, his hands trembling as he shuddered. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to think of what to do but as he looked back down of the flower that had come out of him, the only thing he could think was, ‘At least it isn’t actually a sunflower.’

He heard voices approaching and panic raced up his spine. He couldn’t be seen, he couldn’t bear the thought of anyone knowing what was happening to him. He grabbed the flower carefully and stood up, walking around the corner, away from the approaching people. Nico tucked the flower gently into the pocket of his jacket and hurried back to the infirmary. He knew he was gone too long for just a water break and was desperately trying to think of a cover story as he was stepping back into the room. A second before Will looked up, Nico remembered the blood that was on his mouth and he brought the edge of his sleeve up, wiping at away just as Will met his eyes and smiled at him. “Get lost on your way to the water fountain?” Will teased.

Nico cleared his throat, the action painful, but smiled slightly anyway, “Jason saw me and decided he needed to talk for the longest time ever.”

“Ah, of course,” Will nodded, “Jason is always stealing you away from me.”

Nico’s heart fluttered and lungs hitched as Will spoke but he couldn’t help the smile that broke out across his face.

—-

Later that day, Nico brought the flower that he had carefully and diligently rinsed off to Katie Gardener. He knocked on the Demeter cabin door and it opened quickly. She blinked at him curiously and smiled kindly, if not slightly hesitant. “Hey Nico, what’s up?” she asked.

“Uh,” he mumbled, pulling the flower carefully from his pocket and presenting it to her in the palm of his hand, “Do you know what kind of flower this is?’

She cocked her head and leaned against the door frame. “It looks like a yellow chrysanthemum,” she told him, “We don’t grow those here. Where did you get it?”

Nico’s blood ran cold and he shifted on his feet. “Uh,” he tried to think of a convincing lie, “Persephone grows them in her garden, you know, at my dad’s place. She gave me a bunch of them last time I was running errands down there.”

Katie didn’t seem to really believe him but she nodded slowly anyway, “Oh, well it’s pretty. Persephone really does know her flowers.”

“Yup,” Nico’s hand with the flower was shaking so he pulled it back, crushing it in his fist, “Um, thanks.”

She looked down at the hand closed around the flower and then looked back up at him with concern, “Is everything alright, Nico?”

He took a step back. “Yes,” he said quickly, “I have to go, but thank you, really.”

She smiled at him hesitantly and he turned on his heel, walking briskly back to his cabin, letting the crushed flower fall from his hand and the grass.

——

A week later and it was whole flowers every time an attack happened. Nico coughed up entire chrysanthemums multiple times a day, his throat was raw and he could barely ever catch his breath. His lungs felt like they were running out of room for air, like they were going to burst from his chest. His mouth constantly tasted of blood and honey and it made him nauseous. He started buying gum from the Stolls to try and cover the flavor but nothing was ever quite enough. Nico didn’t know what was happening and he was scared. Terrified of dying, of dying alone, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone. So he just continued on, pretending that he could breathe and that he wasn’t afraid he was going to die.

He met Jason at the arena to spar like they did every week. Lately, it had felt infinitely harder when he couldn’t catch his breath but he didn’t dare try to skip out on it. Jason would chase him down, demanding answers that Nico didn’t want to give.

He stood in front of Jason, leaning against his sword, as the taller boy strapped on his armor.

“Are you ready yet?” Nico asked impatiently.

“Yes,” Jason mocked, “Chill out.”

“Then let’s get on with it,” Nico said, grabbing his sword and raising it in front of him.

“Excited to lose?” Jason teased.

“Please,” Nico scoffed, twirling his sword once for good measure, “I don’t lose.”

Jason didn’t say anything back, instead raising his gladius and charging. Nico met his blow easily, forcing it down and then swinging his sword upward. They met each other in a clash of metal again and again, easily parrying and pushing each other forward and backward. But still, their fighting styles were distinctly different and it was evident in Jason’s measured jabs and Nico’s elegant slashes. The raven was whirling around Jason, graceful and poised as he aimed to cut the taller boy down. But his chest was tightening painfully and he was trying to hide his gasping breaths. Jason caught on still and between blows, he panted out “You okay, dude?”

Nico grunted and bit back a cough, pushing forward still. He swung down harder and knocked Jason back, taking advantage of his stumble to thrust his sword forward. He nearly disarmed him, seconds away from winning, when he couldn’t hold back his fit anymore. He coughed harshly, his hands shaking, and Jason pushed him away, knocking him to his back. The son of Jupiter held his gladius victoriously over Nico’s throat but the smaller boy barely registered it. He was lurching and hacking as he turned his head to the side and rolled onto his stomach, pushing up onto his knees and bracing himself with his hands. Blood splattered onto the ground in front of him and he still couldn’t breathe.

“Holy shit, Nico. Are you okay?” Jason asked, dropping beside him.

Nico nodded and tried to wave Jason away but he didn’t move. ‘Of course,’ Nico thought, ‘This had to happen in front of him.’ Jason placed a hand on his back hesitantly and Nico jerked away from the touch but couldn’t escape it between coughs. He gagged and felt his chest squeeze painfully.

“Nico seriously, what’s going on? Should I get Will?”

Nico shook his head, panic racing up his spine at the thought of Will ever seeing him like this. His arms were shaking and he nearly fell forward on his face but then he gagged again and threw up, a flower hitting the ground in front of him. Jason jumped back beside him. Nico sat back on his knees, wiping the blood from his mouth as he inhaled deeply. His throat was burning and felt like it was being shredded every time he breathed but he couldn’t help but be grateful for the air.

“I’m going to get Will,” Jason said, standing up.

“No,” Nico croaked, “No, please don’t.”

“Nico, you need medical attention,” Jason exclaimed.

“I’m fine,” Nico looked up at him, “Seriously. It’s not a big deal.”

“It seems like a big fucking deal!” Jason’s voice was nearly a screech, “You just coughed up a ton of blood and a weird ball! What the hell just happened?”

Nico pushed himself up to his feet. “It was a flower,” Nico told him, “I coughed up a flower.”

“A flower?” Jason questioned, his eyes wide in a panic.

“A chrysanthemum to be specific,” Nico picked up his sword.

“And you’re cool with that?” Jason asked.

“It happens sometimes,” Nico said calmly, avoiding meeting Jason’s eyes.

“Sometimes? How often is ‘sometimes’?” Jason questioned.

“A few times a day, I guess.”

“A few times a day? For how long?”

“The whole flowers started sometime last week. It was just petals for a few weeks before that.”

“You’ve been coughing up petals and flowers for weeks and didn’t tell anybody?”

“Yes,” Nico stated.

Jason was looking at him incredulously. “You need help! This is dangerous! We have to tell someone!” he shouted.

“No,” Nico said curtly, glaring at Jason coldly, “You can’t tell anybody. You have to swear that you won’t.”

“No! I’m not doing that!” Jason insisted.

“Yes, you are,” Nico raised his sword and pointed it at Jason’s chest, “You have to swear.”

“No! Threaten me all you’d like,” Jason pushed the blade away from himself, “You aren’t going to do anything. Nico, you cough so violently that blood and flowers come out. That isn’t normal or safe, you need help!” he pleaded.

“I know that, Jason!” Nico raised his voice, “I just don’t care. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but it’s mine to figure out and deal with alone.”

“You can’t do this alone, Nico!” Jason shouted, “You need help. Let me help you! Let someone help you!”

“No, Jason, No! I don’t want your help!” Nico yelled, “I don’t know why this is happening. All I know is that I cough up chrysanthemums a few times a day and that it feels like I can’t breathe. I don’t know if this is Demeter getting back at Hades or Eros fucking with me again but I don’t care. It will either go away or it won’t, but it hasn’t killed me yet. Jason, you’re the one that told me that only I get to decide who to tell about me being-” his voice cracked, “And I’m done letting anybody get to try and force me into anything. So if I choke on flowers then so be it, but I get to choose!” Nico was nearly hysterical, “I just want to make one fucking choice about my own life!”

Jason stared at him with an unreadable expression. “You’re choosing to die, Nico,” his voice had lost all it’s fire, “Do you get that? Asking me to not tell anyone is asking me to let you die.”

Nico blinked at him and then let his face drop but his eyes were pleading. “Let me die,” he said.

“What?” Jason asked.

“I get what I’m asking. Let me die. Please,” his voice cracked, “Let me choose to die.”

Jason recoiled like he had been burned by Nico’s words. “No! Absolutely not!”

“Then at least give me some time to think it over,” Nico pleaded.

“I’m not stupid. I’m not going to just back off!” Jason yelled.

“Please, Jason!” Nico stepped forward, “Three days! Give me three days! And after that, you can tell whoever you want.”

“For what? So you can figure out how to run away from help?” Jason sneered.

“So I can try and figure out what's happening to me,” Nico said.

Jason paused and took a deep breath, “You have to let me help you.”

“After three days,” Nico promised.

“No,” Jason sighed, “You have to let me help you figure out what’s happening. If you want me to keep this a secret for three days, you at least have to let me keep an eye on you.”

Nico stilled, his mind racing. He didn’t want Jason’s help, he didn’t want anyone’s help. But he knew that this wasn’t going to be a secret anymore but he could at least buy himself a few more days to figure something out, even if it meant dealing with Jason. He nodded slowly, “Yeah, okay.”

“And you have to tell me when you have those fits,” Jason added.

“Fine,” Nico shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll meet you in your cabin tomorrow morning and we can start,” the blonde told him.

“Start what?” Nico asked.

“Research,” Jason said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “To figure out why you’re coughing up flowers.”

“And you won’t tell anyone?” Nico insisted.

Jason made a pained face but nodded. Nico rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, stalking away and out of the arena. His lungs were still burning and he was desperately trying to push down the panic threatening to bubble over. ‘He knows,’ his mind screamed, ‘Jason knows and soon everyone will know. They’ll know you can’t keep it together and that you’re just as weak and broken as they thought.’ He was breathing rapidly, sharp and shallow pants that did nothing to soothe the ache for air. He was rushing away, trying to make it to his cabin as fast as possible. He ignored all the people he was running past, focusing only on staying calm until he could hide away. Nico stumbled as someone grabbed his arm, slowing him down. The warmth of Will’s touch was familiar and it made his heart clench painfully.

“Hey, Nico, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.

Nico didn’t look at Will, refusing to meet his eyes because he knew he would crumble instantly. He wanted to scold himself for becoming so soft for a stupid son of Apollo but he couldn’t quite bring himself to regret anything as he remembered the way that Will tossed his head back when he laughed or the way his eyes crinkled around the edges and shined when he smiled. The raven said nothing as he ripped his arm from Will’s grip and broke out into a sprint. He could barely hear Will calling out for him and running after him over his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. He slammed his cabin door as soon as he made it inside, leaning against it as he tried to catch his breath. After just a few seconds, Will was knocking on the other side and pleading for Nico to let him in. Nico squeezed his eyes shut and tipped his head back. “Go away, Will,” he called.

“Nico, what happened?” Will asked.

Nico clenched his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his palms painfully. Every fiber of his being was screaming to let Will in, to let him help him and comfort him and to tell him everything. He took a deep, rasping breath that hurt. “Nothing,” he said, “Just leave me alone.”

“I don’t believe you. Let me in so I can help, please,” Will insisted.

“I don’t want your help, Will!” Nico lied through his teeth, “Go away!”

“Nico, please,” Will’s voice was desperate and it made Nico want to cry, “I don’t want to leave you alone. Let me in, please.”

Nico slid down against the door, his stomach turning. He sucked in a breath and steeled his nerves. ‘He’s going to hate me,’ Nico thought, ‘He has to hate me.’

“I don’t care what you want,” Nico worked to keep his voice cold and unfeeling, “I don’t care about you. Just walk away.”

It was silent for a moment. “What?” Will asked, so quiet that it was barely audible.

Nico gasped, his heart falling apart with every passing second. “You heard me,” his voice cracked, “Go away.”

There was a thud against the door, like Will had dropped his forehead against it. Then, Nico heard the porch creak as Will stepped back. Part of him, a large part of him, wanted Will to keep knocking, to keep trying, to please don’t leave him alone. But he heard him walk down the steps, retreating because that’s what Nico told him to do and gods, what he felt in that moment was worse than any time he had heaved and choked on petals.

——

Nico woke up the next morning to Jason banging on his door and letting himself in. Normally that would warrant a cold glare at least, but he just raised his head and looked at him with no expression. Jason was holding a stack of books and he kicked the door shut. Nico sat up and kicked his legs over the side of the bed, standing on shaky legs and walking over to stand next to Jason. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to wake himself up, “Where’d you get those?” he croaked.

“Some are from the Big House, a few from the Athena cabin, and just a couple of the medical ones from the Apollo cabin,” Jason told him.

Nico nearly flinched as Jason mentioned the Apollo cabin but he bit his tongue and reached out for a book. “Let’s get started, I guess,” he said.

Jason picked one up as well, “You should go to breakfast, I can get started.”

Nico thought about trying to swallow down any food when his throat felt like it was coated in acid. “I’m not hungry,” he mumbled.

“If you skip, Will is gonna track you down,” Jason insisted.

Nico’s heart clenched and he looked down. “No, he won’t,” Nico said.

When he looked back up, Jason was watching him with concern and he looked like he wanted to say something. Instead, he just muttered out a hesitant, “Alright.”

Nico was grateful for Jason not pushing him as he sat down on the floor, back against the frame of his bed. Jason sat beside him and huffed. “What kind of flowers are they again?” he asked.

Nico opened the book on his lap, flipping to a table of contents. “Yellow chrysanthemums,” he said.

Jason flipped through his own book and from the corner of his eye, Nico saw him stop abruptly and scan the page he landed on. “Oh,” Jason said after a moment.

Nico looked over at him, anxiety racing down his spine, “What?”

“Different flowers symbolize different things. I thought that if we knew what your flower meant then it might help us figure out what’s happening,” Jason explained.

“And?” Nico pressed.

“Yellow chrysanthemums mean love,” Nico felt nauseous as Jason spoke, “But a sorrowful love. Or, um, unrequited love.”

Nico thought he was going to pass out. He looked at the book on his lap, blinking dumbly as his ears rang, barely processing the world around him.

Jason spoke carefully beside him, “Nico, I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to not send me to the Underworld.”

Nico grunted in agreement and kept his eyes down.

“Do you still love Percy?” Jason asked.

His reaction was instantaneous. Nico recoiled violently, the book flipping off of his lap as he glared at Jason, his fury visible in every way he held himself. “No!” he sneered, “Why would you ask me that?”

Jason raised his hands in defense, “I’m sorry! But you can’t really blame me for it! The only chance we have at figuring this out is if we are on the same page. Clearly what’s happening to you isn’t natural and it has to be for a reason. The flowers are chrysanthemums for a reason.”

“I’m not in love with Percy!” Nico shouted.

“Then I don’t know what else it could be,” Jason, “But it has to be something!”

Nico coughed, once, twice, “It doesn’t matter! We know what they mean, so drop it!”

Jason stared at him, his mouth in a tight line and then he looked back down harshly. He closed his book roughly. “You don’t have to do everything alone, Nico,” he whispered after a moment, “I know that you think that you deserve to be alone, but you don’t.”

Nico couldn’t respond, he was biting his lip to try and ignore the itch in his lungs. He was jerking forward as he spasmed with suppressed coughs but he couldn’t hold them back any longer as blood filled his mouth. He leaned forward and gagged, blood spilling down his chin and onto the floor as he heaved. Jason placed a hand on his back reassuringly but Nico barely felt it as he started to cough, every inhale and hack felt like his throat was being shredded. It was raw like an open wound and it just kept getting worse with every fit.

He was retching, petals hitting the ground in clots. He felt dizzy and braced a hand on the ground, trying to keep himself from falling over but it was in vain. Nico rolled out from Jason’s touch, his back hitting the ground as he stared up at the ceiling in a daze. He was really, truly choking then, unable to breathe for even a moment. His eyes widened in a panic as Jason leaned over him, his face in a panic and mouth moving but the raven couldn’t make out his words. He reached a hand up, grabbing Jason’s arm tightly. He could feel tears streaming down his cheeks and distantly he realized that he was going to die. Nico was going to die and he was terrified. His coughing became interspersed with sobs and he was blacking out from lack of air. He was sure Jason was screaming now but all he could hear was his own heaving and spluttering and the blood rushing in his ears. His fingers tightened around Jason’s arm again and then loosened, his vision going black.

——

Nico woke up in the infirmary and his heart dropped. Jason was sitting in a chair next to his bed, asleep. Will was on his other side, his head laid down on the edge of the mattress. He blinked blearily and as he shifted, Will shot up and whipped his head to look at him. In an instant, he placed a hand on the side of Nico’s face and the other on his shoulder. “Oh gods, Nico, you’re awake,” Will exclaimed, scanning over his face for any sign of distress.

The commotion woke Jason, who was already up and standing beside him, a hand placed on his other shoulder. Nico was overwhelmed and the panic he felt must have been visible on his face because Will and Jason both pulled away quickly, watching him with such worry that Nico felt like he was drowning in guilt. “What happened?” he croaked, his voice was like gravel and it felt like he was swallowing razor blades.

“You almost died, Nico,” Will told him, his face suddenly set, “And you weren’t going to tell anyone.”

Nico looked down, blinking slowly. “How did I get here?” he mumbled.

“I carried you after you went unconscious in your cabin,” Jason said.

“You scared the shit out of us, Nico,” Will’s voice cracked.

“I’m sorry,” Nico whispered.

“Jason said this has been happening for weeks. If you had said something, we could have helped you sooner.”

“How?” Nico scoffed, “We don’t even know what this is.”

Jason and Will shared a look and Jason sighed. “Yes, we do,” Jason told him, “We figured it out while you were asleep.”

Nico looked up but neither Jason or Will would meet his eyes. “What?” Nico asked, “What is it?”

“Um, it’s called Hanahaki disease,” Will explained, “It’s almost like a curse. We aren’t sure you catch it, but it happens when the victim feels profound unrequited love.”

Nico was certain he was going to throw up and he flinched as Will continued, “Flowers grow in their lungs and will continue to until the patient confesses to the object of their affections and the love is returned, or, um, until they die.”

Nico felt his face burn and his throat was itching again. “Oh,” he muttered.

“There’s a procedure, though,” Will added, “To remove the flowers and stop you from dying. But when the flowers are removed, so are the feelings. And not just the feelings for that one person, all feelings of love for anyone.”

Nico froze. He glanced at Will and thought of confessing. He could imagine the way that Will would recoil in disgust but still try so hard to be nice because that’s who Will was. And it wouldn’t matter, he would die anyways. He thought of choking on flowers and his own blood, how it felt to not be able to breathe and his lungs tightening and flowers coming up his throat and tearing it to pieces. He thought of never loving Will again. Never truly appreciating how the sun caught his hair and how warm he was all the time and the way his nose scrunched when he grinned. And that was so much worse than dying painfully. He nodded and sat straighter in the bed. “Okay,” he stated.

Will looked at him with such pain in his eyes that for a moment Nico wanted to risk a confession. “You’re going to get the procedure?” Will questioned.

Nico frowned, “No, of course not.”

Will seemed to relax slightly but Jason stood just as tense beside him. “So who are we going to find?” Jason asked.

“Why do you need to find anybody?” Nico asked him back.

“So you can tell them that you love them,” Jason clarified.

Nico visibly lurched back, “Nobody. I’m not confessing anything.”

Jason and Will looked at him desperately and both launched forward at him. “That’s not an option,” Jason said, his voice stern.

“Yes it is, you just told me. I’m not getting the flowers removed and I’m not going to confess. I’m going to die and that’s okay,” Nico was trying his best to stay calm.

He didn’t want to die, he really, really didn’t and he was so afraid. But that felt like his only option so he was going to ignore the terror coursing through him and be whatever fucked up kind of brave this was. Will grabbed his hand and pulled his attention to him. “No,” he begged, “Nico, no. Please don’t do this. We can help you, please let us help you.”

Will’s eyes were shining and so blue and gods, maybe if Nico died right now, with Will looking at him like that and holding his hand, he would be okay. He placed a hand on Will’s cheek gently, and looked at him softly. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “Really, I’m okay with this.”

“I’m not,” Will was hysterical, “I’m not okay with you dying, Nico.”

Nico shook his head, “Will, it isn’t your choice. I’m not going to choose to stop loving y-,” he sucked in a breath, “To stop loving them forever. And they don’t love me back. So I’m going to die and that’s okay.”

Jason stepped forward as Will blinked back tears. “Nico, just let me go get them. Maybe Percy-” he started.

Nico cut him off harshly as he dropped his hand from Will’s face, “It’s not Percy, Jason. I don’t love him and I don’t think I ever did, not really and not like this.”

Will was crying and it broke Nico’s heart. He coughed, feeling another fit start. He wondered for a moment why another one was starting so quickly after the first but quickly realized that this was the end. Of his life, but of the pain too. It probably didn’t help that Will was there too and Nico felt like he was bursting with affection for him, with love. He inhaled raspily and coughed again. Will and Jason both flinched but Nico couldn’t tear his eyes away from the son of Apollo. He loved Will, so much and so completely that his heart felt like it was failing faster than his lungs.

“Nico, please,” Will cried, “You can’t die.”

He dropped his head beside onto the mattress again and Nico placed a hand in his hair, dragging his fingers through the curls. The raven looked at Jason, smiling painfully. The son of Jupiter was watching him with a guarded look. He glanced down at where Nico was running his fingers through Will’s hair and then back up at Nico. A look of understanding crossed his face and he blinked, lips parting. “Oh,” he whispered.

Nico felt panicked again and he shook his head. “Jason, please,” he said.

Jason met his eyes and smiled wryly, “You’re a fucking idiot, Nico.”

Nico winced but didn’t drop his eyes, “Let me do this, Jason. Please.”

“No,” Jason told him, “I won’t let you choose to kill yourself because you’re stupid and oblivious.”

Will raised his head, tear tracks down his cheeks, and looked between the two. “What do you mean, Jason?”

Jason didn’t break away from Nico’s gaze but spoke carefully anyways. “Will, Nico isn’t going to say anything so you have to.”

“What else can I say that will change his mind?” Will asked.

“You know,” Jason told him, “You have to tell him.”

Nico could hear Will’s breath hitch but he didn’t dare look away from Jason, afraid that if he did for even a second that Jason would say the one thing he couldn’t bear to say himself. It didn’t matter though, because Will grabbed his face and forced Nico to look at him instead. His eyes were red and watery and pleading and still he was beautiful. They stared at each other, neither saying anything and he heard Jason clear his throat. “I’m going to Iris message Hazel and Reyna, let them know what’s happening, just in case. I’ll give you two a second,” Jason started to walk out of the room but he stopped in the doorway and glanced back at Nico, “When I come back, if you’re still…” he trailed off, “I’m not gonna let you die.”

Nico flickered his gaze between Will and Jason as he left, his stomach churning and heart racing while he tried his best to keep himself calm and to stop himself from gagging on blood. Nico jerked, trying to contain another cough. Will let out a sob as he watched Nico and then they were both crying.

“It’s going to be okay, Will,” Nico whispered.

“No it won’t,” Will cried, “Because you’re going to die. You aren’t going to be here anymore and that isn’t okay. It will never be okay.”

“You’ll move on, I’m sure you can find someone else to cut bandages for you,” Nico tried to joke, “And this is what I want to do. I-I can’t not love them. I haven’t loved anybody like this in so long and even though it’s killing me, I will choose it every time.”

“You don’t get it, Nico! You don’t just cut bandages! You’re my best friend and I can’t watch you die. I can’t,” Will was nearly shouting but Nico didn’t flinch.

Nico’s heart was crumbling to pieces at Will’s tears and words. “Sunshine,” he mumbled, “I promise that it will be alright. That you will be alright.”

“Stop saying that! It’s not true! I’m not going to be alright because I-” Will wiped Nico’s tears away with his thumb and took a breath, “Nico, I love you.”

Nico’s heart stopped, his mind froze, everything was still for a moment. And then everything was rushing at him all at once. Blood was pounding in his ears and every nerve felt like it was on fire, he felt like he was burning up under the weight of Will’s gaze and his touch. He couldn’t process what he said. “What?” he whispered brokenly.

“I love you,” Will repeated, “I love you and I don’t want you to die, so please don’t die.”

“Really?” Nico asked softly.

“Yes, really,” Will’s voice was a strange mix of annoyed and desperate and broken.

Nico blinked and he registered that for the first time in a while he didn’t have to cough. He gasped and then he couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed like a child, wet and broken up by sobs but it was laughter all the same. Will recoiled like he was hurt but Nico followed his retreating hands, never wanting to pull away from him again. “Really,” Nico repeated again, his voice breathy like he was speaking of a dream.

Will didn’t pull away again but he was looking at Nico with apprehension. Nico didn’t know what to say to explain and he just gaped. “I can breathe,” he said after a moment.

“What?” Will asked.

“I can breathe and I love you. Will Solace, I love you,” Nico whispered.

Will smiled widely and Nico was gone. Totally and completely in love with Will and he was euphoric. The blonde dropped his head forward and pressed their foreheads together, his breath fluttering across Nico’s cheeks wonderfully. “Good,” Will chuckled, “Or this would be really awkward.”

“Please,” Nico teased, “You weren’t the one who was going to die.”

Will blinked and then pulled back, shoving Nico’s shoulder harshly. “You were going to die!” he shouted, “You are such an idiot!”

Nico’s face slacked in surprise but he recovered quickly. “I’m not anymore,” he reached a hand out for Will.

The son of Apollo grabbed it but still looked angry, “But you were going to. You were going to choose to die and that isn’t okay. And you are so dumb for thinking that I didn’t love you just as much!”

“I’m sorry. I-” Nico stuttered, “I really didn’t think that you loved me, would ever love me.”

Will deflated and squeezed his fingers. “Why?” he asked, voice cracking.

Nico lowered his eyes, “You’re so good. And kind and smart and wonderful and just, you. And I’m just me.”

“Yeah, you,” Will scoffed, “Son of Hades, hero, deliverer of the Athena Parthenos, the Ghost King. You’re brave and passionate and intelligent and gods, I love you. There’s nothing about you that makes you unlovable. There’s nothing that scares me,” he shoved Nico’s shoulder again, “Except for your ridiculous lack of self preservation. That scares me to death.”

Nico chuckled and looked at Will’s face, his breath catching. “Do you believe me?” Will asked insistently.

Nico paused, focusing for a moment and how clear his chest felt. He nodded slowly, “I think so. Mostly at least. I don’t think there are chrysanthemums choking me anymore.”

“You’ll probably cough up a few more petals. I’m not sure how this works, really,” Will said softly.

“I can deal with that,” Nico mumbled.

“I should probably keep you for observation,” Will whispered as he leaned down.

“Yeah probably,” Nico tipped his chin up, “Just to make sure.”

“Mmhmm,” Will agreed, “We don’t want you to relapse.”

“Maybe you should tell me you love me again, you know, just in case,” Nico’s breath hitched.

Will’s nose brushed against his. “I love you,” he sighed.

“And maybe,” Nico muttered, their lips centimeters apart, “Maybe you should kiss me.”

Nico was shocked by his own words but he told himself the adrenaline of almost dying was giving him the confidence. And he really did want Will to kiss him. Will’s mouth was so close to his, their lips barely brushing.

“Oh?” Will breathed.

Nico hummed and then Will kissed him. It was so soft it made him shiver, pleasure shocking him. Will’s lips were warm and insistent against his own as he gently cupped the blonde’s jaw. Will pulled away and Nico couldn't help but pout. “You taste like blood,” Will told him.

Nico grimaced, “Sorry.”

Will didn’t seem to mind as he kissed Nico again and again and again, peppering kisses across his lips and cheeks and nose and forehead. It made Nico laugh warmly. He felt better than he had in weeks, in years, really. Will wasn’t a fix-all but not to hide or lie or fake it was invigorating. The weight on his shoulders wasn’t gone but it felt like maybe he could share it now, maybe someone was willing to listen and care for him. He closed his eyes, felt Will’s lips flutter across his cheeks. He smiled, exhaling a deep and flowerless breath.

#solangelo #Will solace #Nico di Angelo #jason grace #katie gardner #solangelo fanfiction #angst #solangelo angst #solangelo fluff #hanahaki #hanahaki disease #solangelo au #nico and jason #nico and jason friendship #pining #percy jackson #Percy Jackon and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus

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nowoyas · 5 years ago

Text

Bunny Eyes

A/N: I JUST WANTED TO WRITE BUNNYZUKU GETTING DISAPPOINTED AND BEING CUTE HOW DID THIS HAPPEN BUT Y’ALL WANTED THE SICKFIC SO HERE’S THE SICKFIC

Summary: Saying 'no' to your boyfriend is hard enough, does he have to make you feel so guilty when you’re already sick? (bunny!Izuku x sick!reader, fluff)

Warnings: uh none, the reader has the flu and has flu symptoms but I didn’t go into like, gross descriptions

Word count: 2600+ (HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT AND SWEET)

Your boyfriend might be just a little bit evil.

Not in the traditional sense, no, Izuku's too pure and kind and good for this world. Reckless, selfless, and all around perfect.

But he's evil and he knows if he just looks at you just right, you won't be able to say no.

Currently, you're bed-bound from a nasty flu that's been making you feel absolutely miserable. When you're not asleep, the farthest you've been able to go is being miserable on your balcony in the fresh air (usually at night, since this damn flu has absolutely slam dunked your sleep schedule) or sneaking on to your computer to game, exhaustion and dizziness and all manner of symptoms making even sitting up for too long a chore.

You have to thank whatever powers are out there for Izuku's loving hand in your recovery. You don't trust yourself to make it all the way downstairs to the kitchen from your fourth-floor dorm room, and without even asking, he's stopped by every morning and afternoon since you got sick to bring you food, including a few simple pre-packed things to choke down for lunch and extra bottles of water. Not that you've been particularly hungry, but on the rare occasion you feel well enough to choke something down, thanks to him, you've actually been able to.

He's constantly been worried over you, since even before you started dating in your first year, but the flu picking you up and effortlessly slamming you through the floor certainly hasn't helped that. Still, he's so sweet, and by this point (day 5 since you got sick, but who’s counting?) he's basically the only sunshine you're getting. You're sure if your bunny-eared boyfriend didn't have class to go to (and Aizawa was adamant that he still attend class), he'd be at your side every moment, fussing over you and making sure you eat, stay hydrated, and take your medicine.

Unluckily for you (or perhaps luckily—your medicine tastes utterly vile and isn't helping your stomach settle any more), he's had class every day since you got sick, and he can't afford to fall behind even if he's apparently spending most of his time in class worrying over how you're doing alone in your dorm.

Whether him being at class every day is lucky or unlucky, the opposite is true for today. (Or is it tomorrow? What time is it again?) It's the weekend, meaning he's got no other obligations to deal with, so you can and do expect him to want to spend every moment doting and fussing and using those damn eyes to get you to relent and take your disgusting medicine.

On one hand, score, cute boy acting as your nurse. On the other hand, if he spends all day in your room tending to your sick-people needs, he's gonna get sick, and it'll be an utter nightmare trying to get him to take his medicine and actually rest. God knows he'll be trying to sneak in studying when you're not keeping an eye on him. You'll probably have to confiscate his weights so he doesn't try to work out while he's still sick. (Not that you aren't almost just as bad, but at least you're not a rabbit with godlike ability in terms of sheer power and speed to make it harder to deal with.)

As much as you'd adore having his presence with you to make you go from miserable to "miserable but also very aware of how in love you are and being forced to take gross meds" (which kinda cancels itself out), you don't want him getting sick or wasting his whole day on you. Also, you get the feeling he's probably smart enough to figure out that you haven't been resting as much as you say you have. For now, at least, you're sat on your balcony, leaned up against the railing lightly to get some fresh air. And that's where you fall asleep, exhaustion hitting you like so many trucks.

When you wake up, you're being cradled against Izuku's chest and carried to your bed. You shiver, feeling both heat and cold overtake you, and tears prick at your eyes as you realize your fever has almost definitely come back in full force. Izuku pulls back your covers and lays you down, not noticing you're awake until he moves to drape the blanket back over your body. His rabbit ears stand at full attention, his face lighting up just a moment before a playfully chiding look comes on his face.

"You shouldn't be sleeping outside like that, love, you'll get even more sick. And based on how hot you felt when I picked you up, you did." He places his hands on his hips, frowning even as you note the sparkle of affection in his eyes. You're not sure he's even capable of getting actually mad at you.

"Sorry," you mumble, bringing the covers up to hide your face and how utterly awful you look before deciding almost immediately that you're going to overheat under these covers. You writhe about just enough to kick them off, already feeling sweat form on your skin. "The air felt really nice."

You end up throwing a pillow over your face so at least the worst part of you is hidden, hugging it close when Izuku laughs and tries to move it away. "I brought breakfast, please quit hiding so you can eat?"

"But I look like shit," you whine into the pillow. "I don't even have the energy to get downstairs. I had to wash my hair in my bathroom sink."

Warm hands find their way to your wrists, gently prying your hands and the pillow away so you can meet his adoring gaze. If you weren't already flushed from fever, you'd probably have the energy for a blush to find its way to your face. "You're perfect, starshine," he says softly, causing your heart to stutter and your body to instantly melt. His library of pet names never ceases to pull you further into love.

Before you can find some response, he crosses the room to your desk, where he apparently set his Nurse Deku Kit™ so he could carry you back inside. You shift a bit to lean up against your wall, watching in amusement as the giant cotton ball he calls a tail twitches a little bit. You hope, idly, that he doesn't notice that your computer's only in sleep mo—

He bumps the mouse by accident, and the screen lights up immediately, showing your games library with a very obvious "recently played" list. Busted.

He lets out a little sigh as he turns back to you with a thermometer in hand. "Princess..."

You try hard not to look like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and smile innocently at him as he approaches. He sits on the side of your bed, and you tilt your head. "Something wrong?"

He holds out the thermometer, and you obediently let him stick it underneath your tongue, knowing he won't let you out of having your temperature taken. "Have you been resting?"

You nod. He hums, clearly not believing you. "Are you feeling up to eating anything?"

Your nose scrunches up, your stomach turning at the thought. "Ughf," you force out around the thermometer.

Izuku frowns, ruffling your hair as the thermometer beeps. He takes it from you, and his nose twitches as he reads the number. You'd fawn over how adorable it is if not for the look of worry that crosses his features. "Your fever's back, starshine. I really need you to rest more for me, okay?"

Not that you're planning on arguing, but it's really hard to have the will to when his ears drop down and he gives you a look like you just kicked a puppy. You nod, and he perks up just a bit, placing a new water bottle on your nightstand and reaching for a box of crackers. "I know you're not feeling up to eating, but can you do me a favor and eat just one cracker?"

You compromise with half a cracker before your body threatens to revolt for your hubris. You pause, forcing yourself to swallow it, and chase it with a bit of water. With Izuku's coaxing words and a minor break, you manage to choke down the rest without getting even sicker, and he gives you a strained smile that still manages to light up the room.

He leans forward, and you sense his intentions, narrowing your eyes and putting a hand up in front of his lips. "No."

Izuku lets out a disgruntled noise that's a mix between a grunt and a whine when his lips meet your fingers. "Baby," he whines out.

"No!" you insist. "You'll get sick, 'Zuku."

"But I miss you," he says as his ears fall all the way back, his eyes reminding you of one of those adoption commercials with all the sad animals that make you cry every time. "Please, starshine?"

Shit. You're already desperately trying to bring your resolve back. You swear he's figured out exactly how to get you to do what he wants, but you won't falter this time! "No kisses. I shouldn't even be letting you stay in the room to take care of me."

As if the bunny eyes and the oh-so-adorably-expressive ears weren't enough, he wiggles closer to you, taking your hand in both of his and running his thumb over it. "I got my flu shot, I'll be fine! I promise!" He pauses, pouting a bit. You can't tell if it's him thinking or another way to express how disappointed he is. "Please baby? Honey? Sweetheart? Starshine? Princess? Rosebud? Light of my life?"

"Nooo," you press with a giggle as he continues running through every possible pet name he can in a playfully pleading tone. "I know you got your flu shot, but so did I, and here I am."

"Still..." He keeps those damn green eyes (that's the official name for that shade, damn green) locked on yours sadly, and the guilt spikes in your stomach. "Just one?"

And like that, your resolve crumbles. "You're evil, you know that?" you mumble, tearing your eyes away. They dart back just in time to see his whole being light up, rabbit ears effortlessly perking up from their previous saddened position. "Using such a dirty trick. You get one."

You'd continue berating him for the crime of using his adorable face to get what he wants, but he immediately takes your face in his hands and begins showering your face with kisses–your cheeks, your nose, your forehead–everywhere except your lips, which he saves for last, a slow, sweet, chaste kiss that leaves you melting.

"Izuku..." you whine as he pulls away. "I said one."

He chuckles, resting his forehead against yours. "Sorry, starshine. I couldn't help myself."

Your playful ire melts at the way his eyes flutter shut in contentment, small smiles on both of your lips. He surely knows by now that it's impossible for you to say no, not when he's this damn cute.

A giggle surges out of you, followed by a coughing fit that you desperately cover in your elbow. When you catch your breath, you smirk at him, eyes sparkling. "If you get sick because of this, I'm confiscating your weights so you can't try to train."

"Alright, alright, I get it. You haven't taken your medicine yet today, right?" You wince, turning your head away preemptively. "'Zu-kun..." you whine.

"[name]..." His tone is gently chiding as he prepares the medicine, unscrewing the cap with one hand and gently placing the other under your cheek and pushing you back to face him. "You're not gonna get better if you keep trying to skip your medicine and sneak onto the computer instead of resting."

"But if I take the medicine, I might throw up the cracker, and it was so hard to eat just the one..." You give him your best puppy eyes, but he only smiles fondly and shakes his head, continuing to measure out your dose.

“You'll get all the cuddles when you're better if you take your medicine like you're supposed to," he promises.

You pout, but when he extends the dose cup filled with liquid distaste, you begrudgingly take it, downing it like the least pleasant shot you've ever had in your life. You gag on the swallow, but you down every drop, pouting at Izuku when it's all down. "Happy?"

"Very. You did a good job, princess." He ruffles your hair, and you really wish you could muster the energy to be flustered at the praise like you normally would, but honestly, you already feel yourself kind of drifting back off. Determined, you shoot him a smile and try to distract yourself from sleepiness.

"I know it's a weekend, but if I stay in bed and promise to get rest, can I get away with asking to see your notes from class?" You plead, giving him your best puppy-eyed look.

"I don't know, you haven't shown me a very good track record of actually resting," he says teasingly, not yet having looked at you as he rifles through his little kit for something else.

"'Zu-kun," you whine, stifling a yawn. "I don't wanna go to sleep yet. Please?"

Izuku disappears into your bathroom for a moment, followed shortly by the sound of running water, and when he emerges to see your pleading look, you can see his own resolve crumble.

Two can play at his little pleading game.

He smooths a hand over your forehead to move your hair out of the way, laying a blue towel over your sweat-slicked forehead that's cold, far too cold—

You let out a whine as you shiver. "How is it even that cold?" You mumble, shifting into your blankets more in an attempt to balance the heat.

"Oh, it's one of those exercise towels," he explains. "They're made so they get really cold when they're wet. I want to try to bring your temperature down, but if it's way too cold, I can get a regular towel instead–"

You shake your head. The cold does feel soothing, underneath all the cold cold cold so cold making you shiver. "Notes?" you remind him.

He leans forward and presses a quick peck to the towel in your forehead before you can stop him. "I love you, [name], but it can wait until you're feeling better."

"So can kisses," you retort, swatting at him lightly. "I don't wanna be useless the whole time I'm sick, so—" You break off into a yawn. "—so please let me study a bit?"

"Try to eat half of one more cracker before you fall asleep and I might consider it when you wake up," he says with a teasing grin. You pout and hold out your hand for him to place the broken cracker in.

"I hate having crumbs in my bed," you mutter, nibbling away at the cracker. You barely manage to eat the half you were given, your body protesting your attempts to actually eat and keep something down all the while, but you do manage it.

Izuku's fingers entwine with your own, a fond smile on his face as you feel yourself nodding off. "[Name]?"

"Mm?"

"I love you. Get better soon, okay?"

"Love you too," you reply sleepily, another yawn wracking your body. "Sorry. I wanted to stay up and... talk with you... but..."

A hand finds its way into your hair to play with it as your eyes drift shut. "It's okay," he says adoringly, "We'll talk later. Get some rest, princess."

#midoriya izuku x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bunny!izuku #deku x reader #my fics

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floral-and-fine · 4 years ago

Text

Curious Misfortune part 1

Modern AU

Sandor Clegane x female reader

Warnings: part with guys acting like jerks/creeps

Summary: During the holiday season, the reader finds herself in a small town after she breaks up with her boyfriend.

A/n: The whole inspiration for me starting this fic is the idea of Sandor in flannel. Thank you @luna-xial @ewokiee and @liamakorn for the help

“Damn,” you muttered to yourself, as you passed another sign on the highway. None of the small town names looked familiar, and it was far too dark out for you to recognize any landmarks.

You clutched the wheel tightly, angry, and upset over the whole situation you found yourself in. Your damn phone didn’t get any reception out here, wherever you were, and you were hungry, tired, but mostly pissed.

In fact, you wouldn’t have been driving at all tonight on this unfamiliar highway if it hadn’t been for your now ex-boyfriend.

You had come out all this way to spend a nice Thanksgiving with his family, but when you and him arrived, his family had been nothing but rude to you. They nitpicked about everything, your outfit, your job, your education, nothing was good enough for them.

You had hoped that Jaime would’ve done something about it, stick up for you, defend you, however, he pretended not to notice. When you finally couldn’t take it any longer, and you brought it up to him, he acted like an ass and tried to convince you that you were overreacting.

God, you wanted to smack him across the face. You really were better off without him.

You groaned as you glanced at the time, you should be somewhere warm right now, eating pumpkin pie covered with whip cream, but instead, you were...lost, most likely.

Yet to be perfectly honest with yourself, you weren’t in a rush to get back home, because being there meant you’d have to face the aftermath of your failed relationship. Who would move out? Who gets to keep what? If only it could all resolve itself on its own.

You passed a sign, this one indicating that the next town was a mile away. You really ought to stop somewhere, get something to eat at least, that is if anything was still open, it was a holiday after all.

Taking the exit, it led you to a small community, a simple kind of place with small homes and just the basics. As you drove down the main road, you noted that most of the businesses including small diners and restaurants were closed.

It figured the best you could probably do now would be to get a bag of chips or something from the gas station. Just as you were about to give up your search, the blinking red light of an open sign caught your attention. The establishment was just some local bar with just a couple of beat-up old trucks parked out front.

As you got out of your car, you hoped they served food, or at least something besides peanuts, noticing that you were hungrier than you had originally thought.

Opening the door, the few patrons inside turned their heads. You could tell they weren’t used to unfamiliar faces stopping by. There were only a handful of people, a small group of guys by the pool table, a large man in a flannel shirt at the bar, and an old bartender.

You smiled shyly as they watched you walk up to the bar, finally returning to whatever they were doing before once you sat down.

You sat on a stool that was a couple of seats away from the stranger, he didn’t seem to want any company or make any small talk.

“What can I get ya?” The bartender asked, approaching you.

“Are you still serving food?” You asked hopefully.

“Yep,” he nodded, reaching down and then handing you a menu.

“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” you said practically giddy. Quickly, you looked over the options and gave him your order.

As you waited for your food, your eyes wandered over to the man at the other end of the bar. He had dark brown hair and a thick beard, even with him sitting you could tell he was easily over 6’. He sat there quietly, eyes focused on the TV above as he drank his beer. There was something about his posture and intense gaze on the screen that made you feel as though he was avoiding turning his head to look at you.

As you wondered why you almost jumped out of your seat when the bartender placed a plate in front of you. You grinned looking at the spread, before picking up your fork and digging in.

Distracted by the food, you didn’t notice the man taking a quick glance in your direction. He’d never say anything out loud, but you were rather pretty and awfully sweet it seemed.

He couldn’t help but overhear you tell the bartender all about your woes. You talked about your damn ex and his stuck up family and how you had no idea where the hell you were.

Seems like your Thanksgiving was worse than his.

Just as you were about halfway through a slice of pie, the group of boys by the pool table were starting to get rowdy. They were so drunk that they were practically spilling beer on each other and the floor and yelling about stupid bullshit.

The man tsked, annoyed with their behavior, as you tried your best to ignore them and focused on finishing your pie.

“Alright fellas,” the bartender started. “I’m cutting you all off for tonight.”

“C'mon old man,” one of the guys started, most likely the leader of the group. “We’re just having some fun.”

It was obvious they were all looking for trouble, from the smirks on their faces to the way they were holding the pool cues. They slowly closed in on you and the bartender like prey.

“I ain’t gonna repeat myself,” my bartender stuttered. “Get out.”

“Why don’t you make us,“ the leader sneered looking down at the old bartender.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat as they crowded around you. Clasping your hands on top of your lap, you looked down anxious over what might unfold. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end as one of the boys gazed at you like a piece of meat.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning in so close, that you could feel his breath on the side of your face. “That pie looks pretty sweet,” he purred before he swiped some whipped cream off your plate and licked his finger.

You clenched your eyes shut, feeling sick to your stomach, as he then proceeded to touch your hair.

However it didn’t last long, the man at the end of the bar roughly yanked the boy away from you and practically threw him across the room, before addressing the group.

“Listen you little fucks, unless you’d like me to drag each one of ya out by your hair, you better fuck off,” he snarled.

Swallowing thickly, they scurried to exit, looking absolutely terrified.

You took a few deep breaths to calm your nerves and opened your eyes, quickly wiping away a couple of tears.

Turning around, you looked over to the stranger to thank him, but your mouth hung open for a moment as you noticed the burn scars on the side of his face. They were all over his cheek, forehead, and part of his jaw.

Immediately, he turned away, taking his wallet from his back pocket and leaving some cash on the counter.

The bartender shook his head, grabbing the money and handing it back to the man, “Keep it, Sandor, it’s the least I can do.”

“It was nothing,” Sandor replied, heading towards the door.

Quickly, you got up from your seat and made your way over to him, you couldn’t let him leave without thanking him properly.

Gently you reached out grabbing his hand to stop him. “Thank you,” you said, giving his hand a light squeeze.

He glanced down at you, keeping the scarred side of his turned away from you. “Don’t worry about it.”

You shook your head and smiled up at him, “I was really freaked out, I’m glad you intervened.”

Sandor flushed a little under your gaze, making you smile more. He really seemed like a sweet man underneath it all, maybe a little rough around the edges, but still sweet.

Standing on your tiptoes, you kissed his cheek. “Good night.”

“Night,” he mumbled, the blush on his cheeks had now spread to his ears.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and took out his keys, giving you a nod before pushing the door open. Sandor paused letting out an exasperated sigh when he saw the condition of your car outside.

“Those fucking cunts,” he muttered under his breath. They had smashed the windshields, busted the headlights, and slashed all the tires.

“Girl,” he started, turning back around and looking at you.

“Yes?”

He rubbed the back of his head, “looks like you won’t be getting anywhere tonight.”

“What?” You squeezed past Sandor to get a good look. Your eyes went wide over the state of your car. This fucking day had to have been the worst one in your entire life. Not being able to hold back any longer, you started to cry.

Sandor stood there awkwardly, watching as sobbed into your hands.

It was getting late now, almost midnight, the bar would be closing soon, and he already knew none of the local mechanics were open.

“C’mon, I’ll give you a ride,” he said, placing a large hand on the small of your back. “We’ll get this all figured out in the morning.”

You peeked up at him, lowering your hands slightly. “What?” You hiccuped.

“You can stay at a motel for the night,” he explained. Sandor wouldn’t blame you if you said no, figured you might be cautious accepting a ride from him, but the least he could do was offer. He wasn’t sure what other options you had.

Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you nodded, “Alright, thank you.”

“My trucks this way,” he said, guiding you towards it with his hand still on your back.

“Oh,” you perked up. “I need to grab my bag.”

You grimaced looking at the state of your car up close. Those jerks, hopefully, your insurance would cover the damage.

Popping open the trunk, your face fell when you found it empty. In your rush to leave that dreadful house, you must have left your luggage with your ex and his horrible family.

“Fuck,” you huffed, startling Sandor.

He watched in amusement as you stomped around yelling, cursing up a storm, and waving your arms around. You even kicked your car a few times.

Finally, getting it all out of your system, your attention turned to him. “Could we please stop at a convenience store or something on the way,” you said in a defeated voice.

“Get in the truck,” he nodded, opening the passenger side door.

The drive was a quiet one, giving you a chance to admire the small town’s charm. Besides the assholes from the bar, it seemed like a decent place. You were fortunate that Sandor was around to help you, who knows how this night may have unfolded without him.

“Sandor,” you started, curiosity getting the best of you. “Why aren’t you with your family for Thanksgiving?”

His eyes stayed focused on the road ahead as he answered you dryly. “Don’t really have one. I’ve got a brother but I’d rather eat shit than spend a minute with him.”

“I see,” you muttered. “I’m not close to mine either.”

He pulled up in front of a small store, the sign indicating it was 24 hours.

You were pleasantly surprised that Sandor joined you inside to shop, he followed behind you as you browsed, his hands tucked into his pockets as shuffled along. You told him that he could’ve waited in the truck, but he shook his head, muttering that it was fine.

It didn't take long, you only needed a few things to get you through until tomorrow, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant.

You placed the shopping basket on the counter, the cashier gave you a polite smile, but it faded when she noticed Sandor standing beside you. She intentionally avoided making any eye contact with him.

Before you could get your wallet out from your purse, Sandor had already handed the cashier some cash. Before you could protest, he grabbed the plastic bags and headed for the exit.

“I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to do that,” you said, once both of you were back in the truck.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve had a rough day,” Sandor interjected.

As he drove, you took a moment to admire him like you had done back at the bar. He was an intense person to be around, but what caught you off guard the most was his thoughtful and considerate behavior.

Arriving at the motel, Sandor sighed, “I know it doesn’t look like the nicest place, but the staff are decent people.”

You smiled, “Thank you again, tonight probably would’ve been a lot worse without you.”

As you were climbing out of the truck, Sandor stopped you.

“Here,” he grabbed something from the back and thrust it at you. “You can wear that instead of having to sleep in your dress.”

You looked at the flannel shirt in your hands, your eyes crinkling as you grinned, “Good night, Sandor.”

He nodded, “I’ll be back in the morning.”

He watched from the truck as you went into the lobby, wanting to be sure everything was alright before putting the truck in reverse and leaving.

#got fanfic #game of thrones fanfiction #game of thrones fanfic #got fanfiction #sandor clegane #sandor clegane x reader #sandor clegane fanfic #reader insert #Female reader #modern au #the hound #the hound x reader

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willowbird · 4 years ago

Note

prompt: aaron had a slight ED that he developed as a kid and is now being noticeable to the rest of the foxes even andrew and nicky kinda knew he forgot to eat but the stress from school and exy makes it worse....

I could easily expand on this and maybe one day I will. It hits kinda close to home tho so I’m going to err on the side of brevity just for my own mental space. Thank you so much for the ask! I hope this is what you’re looking for ❤️ ❤️ Take care of yourselves!

Warnings for depression, eating disorder.

Edit: this has been expanded and can also be found on my ao3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Ao3

-----

Wednesday | 6:04am

The alarm was screaming.

Its cries crashed against his senses like sea-storm waves and Aaron was without shelter. The sound had been crowding him for four minutes now, and he still couldn't lift a hand to make it stop -- even though he was perfectly aware and wide awake. He wanted to stop the sound, he needed the quiet back, but for whatever reason his hand just wouldn't listen to his brain no matter how many times he willed it to move.

Aaron hated days like this.

Wednesday | 8:43am

Nicky slung his arm around Aaron’s shoulders, a grin plastered on his face. His hair was slicked back like a low-budget greaser, halfway between wet and just damp. They’d just finished morning practice and he, Nicky, and Kevin were waiting out in the player’s lobby for Neil and Andrew to finish showering and changing so they could leave.

“Aw man, I am hungry. Please tell me that Andrew and Neil are gonna finish up soon so that we can go get a real breakfast.” Nicky's whining was easy enough to ignore most of the time, but today Aaron was tired and his patience was thin. He had three tests to study for, two essays to write, they had a game coming up on Friday, and Aaron didn't have the bandwidth for Nicky, too.

He shruged his cousin off with a snort. "I'm just gonna hitch a ride to the library." There were still a few hours before his first class of the day, and he needed to use that time for something productive.

"Aww, c'mon Aaron come to breakfast with us! We'll drop you at the library when we're done. It won't take too long!"

"What won't take too long?" When Aaron looked over, he saw Neil and Andrew coming out of the locker room, clean and changed.

"Breakfast!" Nicky announced. "Neil, tell Aaron to join us! It's a family breakfast -- he should be there!"

"You can't just label things "family" events as a way to require people to be there," Kevin said with a long-suffering sigh. Even so, Aaron noticed he already had the menu of their usual breakfast joint pulled up on his phone. The pictures of pancakes topped with glistening syrup and fluffy omelets made his stomach clench in an unpleasant way.

Aaron looked away.

"I've got a shit to do," he said. That would be his final word on it, and to demonstrate, Aaron turned to head toward the doors.

Except Andrew had moved to block him, though Aaron hadn't registered when his twin had circled them. Aaron frowned, lifting his chin in challenge.

Andrew just studied him for a long moment before looking just past Aaron, gaze darting over his shoulder to the others behind him. He lifted a hand and a second later a slim object snapped into it. When Andrew then held it out to him, Aaron saw it was a granola bar.

A quick glance over his shoulder exposed the granola bar thrower as Kevin, who was zipping his backpack shut. They matched gazes briefly and Kevin nodded toward the granola bar in Andrew's hand.

"If you aren't going to come to breakfast with us make sure you get something on your way to the library."

Aaron glared at him, then rolled his eyes and turned back to his brother. Andrew just looked at him, expression blank, and continued to hold out the damn granola bar like he could stand there all day without a care in the world.

A flash of resentment boiled through him. Of course Andrew could stand there so fucking unbothered. Barely anything affected him at all.

With an annoyed huff, Aaron snatched the bar out of Andrew's hand and shoved it into his pocket before stalking out of the building.

Wednesday | 1:15pm

Katelyn ❤️ (13:15): Hey baby! Prof Dixon bailed again ~ you free?

Aa. Min. (13:15): McCallister's?

Katelyn ❤️ (13:16): See u in 5! 😘

Wednesday | 1:23pm

Aaron stood inside the confused cacophony that was McCallister's, an on-campus restaurant that was the love child of a deli and a pub but four times too big, regretting his choices.

It wasn't even the noise that was bothering him the most. It was the smell.

Aaron took two steps into the restaurant and his stomach roiled. It twisted and tightened, curling in on itself in disgust at the sharp, slimy stench of cold cut deli meat cushioned on a waft of double-baked potatoes that filled the restaurant like wildfire's haze. He and Katelyn met here for lunch two or three times a week when their schedules lined up. They both liked the food and they had several corner booths where they could hide in and study together after eating. It was one of their favorite places. But right now, Aaron was fighting not to gag.

“Aaron!” Relief warred with dread at the sound of Katelyn’s voice and he hastily plastered on an imitation of the smile he usually didn’t even have to think about, that always rose to his lips whenever she was around all on its own. It didn’t today, but for Katelyn he could make the effort. For Katelyn, Aaron could do anything.

He turned around once that smile was fixed in place and wrapped his arms around her when she joined him, indulging in a quick kiss that soothed some of the nausea churning in his gut. When they broke apart, Aaron turned to lead them toward their usual booth but Katelyn stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Babe is everything alright?” Worry painted a crease between her eyebrows, her mouth drawn down as she studied him.

Most days, Katelyn’s concern warmed him. It made him feel seen and loved and cherished. Today it put a slash of anxiety through his lungs, breath seeping out through the cut and concaving his chest under the weight of her scrutiny.

Aaron arranged his smile into something tired and unalarmed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long week, y’know?”

Katelyn hummed like she wasn’t sure she believed him but was deciding to trust him anyway, then she smiled and she released his arm only to take his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Alright, then let’s get some lunch and shut out the rest of the world for at least a little bit, yeah?”

The smell of the restaurant was still choking him and even his skin felt tight. The absolute last thing he wanted to do right now was stay there another second, let alone the hour he had until he needed to think about heading to his next class.

“I’m so sorry Kate, I’ve got to meet with the TA for my history class. I remembered right after I texted you but I still wanted to see you so I figured I’d just tell you when you got here.” He offered an apologetic smile and did his best to ignore the way guilt was now mixing uncomfortably well with the sick already sloshing around in his stomach. Aaron did not like lying to Katelyn, it felt wrong. But he also couldn’t... he couldn’t explain what was wrong with him right now -- not because he didn’t know, but because he was sure explaining it was going to make him sound crazy and that was just the last thing he needed right now. It was better to slip away, go somewhere he could focus on homework or something and just... wait for it to pass.

Katelyn’s expression fell, flashing disappointment, then a sad understanding as she nodded. “Of course. It’s okay babe, really. I’m just glad I got to see you at all.” She smiled then -- that bright, warm, just-for-him smile that always had Aaron’s heart skipping. A small knot of tension loosened in his lower chest, just enough that he was able to take a small breath and offer a more genuine smile of his own in return.

“I love you,” he told her.

“I love you too, Aaron. Take care of yourself and I’ll see you later, okay?”

He made no promises before he made his escape, just a smile and a wave.

Wednesday | 3:37pm

The granola bar tasted like ash in his mouth. It felt like there were iron weights attached to his jaw, making it impossible for him to chew. A fist of repulsion locked around his throat, and it was a physical struggle to swallow.

This was the worst part about days like this.

Aaron knew he had to eat something, because he knew what could happen if he didn’t and the only thing worse than having to put up with feeling this way, dragging himself through the mud of his own psychosis one step, one mile, at a time -- was doing it with everyone watching him struggle.

So he forced himself through half the granola bar. He knew better than to push for more than that, or all his efforts would be wasted into the nearest trash can.

Wednesday | 7:51pm

Practice had been brutal. It had been so bad that even Nicky hadn’t been able to cheer himself through it and was just as bitter and on edge as the rest of them by the time they hit the showers.

Aaron sat in the lobby and waited for the others, feeling old. He felt tired. He just wanted these stupid pissing contests to stop and everyone to shut up. He wanted the world to be completely silent, completely empty. Emptiness sounded nice. Sounded peaceful. Sounded right.

The sharp scuff of shoe-rubber against tile had him cringing so hard his shoulders ached and he peeled his eyes open to glare at the source. Andrew stood there, hands in his pockets, blank-faced and too knowing.

Aaron snorted and looked away.

The couch shifted slightly as Andrew took the spot next to him. There was the soft shk of a blade cutting into something crisp and when Aaron looked over, Andrew was holding out a small sliver of apple. His brother wasn’t looking at him. Instead, the other Minyard was dispassionately staring at the tv, which was playing some sports channel that Aaron knew very well Andrew didn’t give a single shit about.

For a long moment Aaron just stared at the side of his twin’s face, but it was impossible to know what, if anything, he was thinking about. Finally, he looked at the sliver of apple. It was pale, small, unobtrusive. Aaron’s stomach clenched, a mix between hunger and repulsion. All he’d had today was that half a granola bar -- which had been both too much and not enough. His throat tightened as he stared at that innocuous slice of fruit, but he was almost focused more on the hand holding it. His eyes burned and he looked away, but not before taking the slice.

#aftg #aftg fanfic #tw: depression #tw: eating disorder #tw: ed #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #twinyards #of course i made it a twinyard drabble #because i'm a sucker for the boys supporting each other #going into a small headcanon in the tags here #i hc andrew struggles with food #similar to what aaron goes through here #but more intense #because he has a very complex relationship with food #based on his past #and then the manifestation of his depression does not help #i actually have a wip based on this #from andrew's pov #where we see him dealing with his ed #and the way the monsters support him through it #sometimes his ed crops up due to his depression #and sometimes its separate #anyway #this was an unnecessary a/n in the tags here #but that's why andrew took the approach he did in the drabble #because how he treats aaron in this is how he needs to be handled when he has his own episodes

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moonflower-31 · 4 years ago

Text

I Won’t Forget You - Spencer x Reader

Masterlist

Part 18

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Warnings: Rape, degrading language, mention of abuse and the selling of other people (not necessarily slavery, but kinda), talk of impregnation.

A/N: So, I didn’t get around to the 4 thousand words. If I’m honest, I also needed the extra day to get ready to write this part. I’ve included a little warning and area that you can skip to to avoid the rape part. And don’t worry about missing anything, I remention something Peter mentions when I go into Spencer’s POV. So feel free to skip.

Tags: @dra-reid, @eevee0722, @ceeellewrites, @anotherr-fine-mess, @ssahoodrathotchner, @egg-boy03, @helena-way07, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @serendipity-imagines

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4 days, 8 hours, and 53 minutes you'd been here. Not that you were counting. And you hadn't seen Peter in three. He had dropped off your food, but then neglected to feed you for two days when he discovered you'd been feeding Derek as well. Sharing with him was apparently off-limits.

You felt the gentle but painful rumble of your stomach announce itself as you tried to curl up on the floor. Peter had already tried to come onto you, but you had put up a hell of a fight enough that he couldn't even get your pants off. Maybe that was also why he hadn't dropped off food for three days. He had left plenty of water though, at least he knew how to keep the two of you alive.

You coughed softly and shivered. You assumed you'd gained a fever, but then again there was no way to be sure. But the way you felt miserable, even more-so than you had been the first day you were in this cellar, seemed to count for something.

Derek was still asleep against the wall. His head had a semi healed gash that you would have bandaged if you had the chance, but you were too far away for the chains to reach. You held your stomach, thankful that you still had enough strength to fight Peter off. But you didn't know how much longer without food you could do so.

You squeezed your abdomen a little tighter, biting your lip to distract yourself from the pain in your stomach. Whatever Peter had been putting in your food had been causing your sex drive to become overly active, making you desperate and uncomfortable at the same time. You both thankfully had something to use the bath room, but it was always painful for you. But you had worse things going for you, so you didn't mention it to Morgan.

Slowly though, Morgan began to wake up, rubbing his eyes to the best of his ability. He cracked his neck a little, wincing at the pop that resulted. He turned his gaze towards you, immediately sighing. "K-kid? You still alive?" He asks. You let out a small chuckle.

"Not any more than I was… 6 hours ago when you asked me that." You tease tiredly, groaning at the way your chest ached. Morgan sighed again but harder, blowing out his exhale sharply. "Maybe you shouldn't have shared your food with me. Maybe you'd have more food." Derek shifted uncomfortably against the wall, stretching his arms as much as he could and adjusting his injured leg that was healing nicely. The only good thing about the situation.

"You could've died if I didn't feed you. Don't give me that crap." You grunted, sitting back up as you gave up on trying to sleep again. "I don't care if he kills me for feeding you. I wouldn't be able to sit here and eat all of it without giving you some. You know it." You insist, falling into a heavy coughing fit.

"Kid, you got a fever. If we don't get you something soon, you're just gonna get worse." Derek sighed. You let out tsk and smiled tiredly.

"Oh he doesn't care. As long as I still conceive he doesn't care if I'm sick or healthy. After I'm pregnant is when he'll 'care'." Derek groaned and shook his head. He didn't know what to say. They had no real way out and with no real end to the madness in sight, it was dwindling his hope for being found, let alone rescued.

You leaned your head back against the wall again, having no more tears left to shed. That was all you did for the first two days. Now you knew that wasn't going to get you anything except a pounding headache. You sniffled and wiped your nose gently, feeling exhausted. You swallowed harshly and kept your eyes closed. You had a feeling in your gut that told you today was going to be different. A bad kind of different.

Five minutes after you both grew quiet, you heard the rumbling of gravel under tires, causing you to tense up. Derek widened his eyes and cursed under his breath, his arms already pulling against the chains again as he willed himself to be able to protect you.

The jingle of keys echoed outside the cellar until it finally stopped and the doors creaked open. You backed up against the wall and looked at the floor, unwilling to view your captor.

"Oh come on now, (Y/N/N), where's that fight you had the first day you were here? The first day I met you you were so willing to deny the rules. Defy them, even. But now here you are, an obedient bitch." Peter sneered. You could feel the burn of his gaze on you. It was almost so overwhelming that you almost didn't smell the food.

The loud grumble of your stomach gave you away, making your mouth water at the idea of even a little food. Peter smirked. "You want this? You hungry, whore?" Peter shook the bag in front of you tauntingly. You refused to look up at him still, knowing he was going to turn this all back around to hurt you.

"Peter, man, infertility is a product of excessive starvation. You really wanna keep starving her?" Morgan tried. You smiled just barely, knowing Spencer had to have been the one to teach him that.

Peter sneered. "Yeah, I do. But this food isn't for her. It's for you. If she'll do what I ask." He smirked. You could already sense what he had planned, and your heart sank to your stomach when you realized it. Derek did too soon after you did.

Derek looked to you desperately, shaking his head. "K-kid, don't. I don't care if I don't eat! Don't give into him!" He begged.

You looked at him with a weakening smile. "I-I have to feed you Derek…." You begin, causing the mischievous grin to grow on Peter’s face.

Derek looked at you guiltily, shaking his head desperately. "B-but… h-he's gotta feed me eventually. S-so I'm sorry. I-I can't give into him." You apologized, squeezing your eyes shut.

Peter's smile immediately fell into a scowl. He tossed the food at Morgan’s feet, sneering at him. "Eat, you bastard. She's gonna let me. Whether she likes it or not." Peter hisses.

Morgan immediately starts pulling at the chains, wishing they were looser on him for him to fight Peter off of you.

You kept your eyes shut and swallowed harshly you knew you couldn't fight back against him, yet you still found enough strength to keep your thighs closed tightly. Peter growled and his hand soon swatted across your face.

Morgan called out to you, encouraging you to fight him off, but you could barely hear him. You were falling into your subconscious to hopefully pass through what you knew was going to happen eventually.

Peter forced your legs apart and tore your pants off without caring about the seams. They became a shredded heap beside you as he made quick work of your underwear as well.

"It's about time I got to experience this."

🛑RAPE WARNING!!⚠️ if you would like to skip this, please scroll down to the ⚜.

Peter then began pulling off his belt and shoving his pants down enough to reveal his rather wimpy groin. You kept your eyes closed though, not wanting to experience this any more than you had to.

Peter then smirked down at you, grabbing your hips tightly and pushing himself into you just as harshly. You grew choked up, finding tears bursting from your eyes despite your desperate attempt to escape through your subconscious.

Peter let out a sigh, as if this was getting him off having you finally underneath him. He knew you didn't want this. Nor were you letting him. His weight was crushing you against the ground and the wall.

"You know, I have to give your mom some credit. After all she is the one who gave me your location. What luck that the world decided to give you back to me by chance." Peter admitted almost euphorically, beginning his uncomfortable thrusts into your unwelcome entrance.

You squeezed a sob in your throat, covering your mouth with a hand. Peter had pinned your legs under him, keeping you from kicking him off of you. Derek had grown quiet after his curses and begging had done nothing. He wished he could look away, but he couldn't. You didn't blame him. Nor would you ever. He wasn't making Peter do this.

Peter continued, his thrusts only growing harsher and brutal as he continued. He rolled his eyes into the back of his head, pulling back almost before shoving back into you. "Ngh… damn, how long has it been since you've really had a man in you? You're as tight as a pathetic virgin."

You hiccup and coughed into your hand, feeling your body's heat growing warmer and warmer. You were overheating and sweating profusely from your forehead. You kept attempting the subconscious state you desperately wanted to achieve, growing closer with each of his thrusts.

"Am I really popping your cherry? Did none of those men convince you to put out?" He taunted, causing you to fall even farther away from reality.

"Bet if I threatened your brother again you'd put out for me. Always caring so much about everyone. You sacrifice everything for them. Just like you ran away from me to keep him safe, right?" Peter hissed, gripping your hair at the scalp and pulling your head forward.

Your head hit the wall hard, causing your vision to grow blurry. You felt your hand become weaker until it fell from your mouth and you closed your eyes again, falling into a sleep you didn't want to wake from.

°•⚜•°

Again you woke, feeling a heavy and aching pain in your lower half. Your eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each, but you managed to keep them open slightly. You slowly adjusted your position, trying to hold your head up.

"(Y/N)?!"

You lifted your head up again as far as you could, seeing Morgan’s distressed face looking towards you.

"H-hey, Derek…" you coughed, soon grimacing as you felt the disgusting feeling of what remained of Peter fall from inside you.

Derek sighed, swallowing softly. "Hey…" he whispered, reaching as far as he could towards you. You eased up and tried to reach over, barely being able to touch his hand.

"Is… is he gone?" You ask.

"Yeah, he left an hour ago. I…" Derek sighed, trailing from his in coming question. You shook your head and squeezed your eyes shut.

"No… I…" you whimper and for the first time in a few days you begin to cry. You pulled your legs closer to you, wincing at the incredible pain you felt in your core.

Derek gritted his teeth and tightened his fists. He just sat there. He didn't do anything. He hated himself for it. He wished he could've done something.

You sobbed hard, hugging your knees as you tried desperately to disappear. You wanted to leave. Anything seemed better than this hell.

Derek struggled to grab his phone from his pocket, sending their current area one last time. He looked over to you, and knew he had to do something. It had only been four days and you were deteriorating before his eyes. He looked over at the cold bag of food and eased it over towards you.

You shrunk back away from the noise, shaking your head At the bag. That food was what got you into this position. You didn't want it.

Derek exhaled softly and eased it again towards you. "(Y/N/N)... kid you gotta eat. I know this… this food isn't ideal. I haven't even touched it. But if you don't eat, you're not gonna have enough strength to escape with me." He insisted. You then begin to laugh miserably.

"I'm not escaping until I get pregnant, Derek. Then I'll be a prisoner in his home until after I have the kid. Then I'll be stuck. You, I might be able to get out."

"What do you mean?"

"He wants me to give in, Derek. That's all he wants. For me to finally consent. And not fight him. And I'll give him that. If, he lets you go." You explain.

Derek's pupils grew large, his eyes doing the same. "Kid--No! I'm not gonna let you let him rape you again just so I can get out!" He exclaims in disbelief. "You don't deserve this, believe me."

You sighed and smiled at him. "I know, Derek. But I'm never going to forget this. You might be able to make peace with it. And even then, if you get out, find your way to town, you can call Hotch and the team. Find me then." You propositioned. Derek's eyebrows tilted up on his face, his heart breaking.

"Kid… i-I…"

"You don't have a choice, Derek. The next time he comes in here, I'll make him the offer. If I eat now… I'll have enough strength to fight him off next time if he doesn't agree. He'll have to eventually, if he really wants me to submit to him."

Derek sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. You were right. No matter how many other escape plans there were, this one seemed the most likely to work. He would be allowed to escape and he could find better cell reception than one bar that liked to fade out and come back on. Once he did, he could call the police, the team. Get them here. And pull you out of the fire. Some sacrifices had to be made. He just wished it wasn't you who had to make them.

○●♡●○

"Garcia, what do you mean there's no good in here?" Spencer asks.

"I mean there is absolutely no good to her past. When she was 7 her family started abusing her after she began to refuse the family company. At least, that's what she told the doctors and they did nothing since her parents were one of the main stock holders of the hospital." Garcia began. Spencer looked down at the file Garcia had handed him in shock, reading through each legalized detail of your life was laid out in front of him. Garcia was telling the truth. Every bit of it.

"Why even do that to her own child? They groomed her to be someone she wasn't. Why take away her freedom of choice too?" Spencer asked as he sped through the details in your file, finding his heart aching with each and every word.

"I don't know, but it doesn't end there. Her brother was the result of an affair her mother had with (Y/N)'s tutor, made her raise him as a sort of punishment. She was bullied throughout her highschool years for her memory and her smarts, earning her a week in a mental hospital that the school counselor made her attend. Her parents had tried everything to discharge her early, stating she 'is an overreacting, selfish brat and drama queen. She isn't depressed.'" Penelope read off, looking down at Spencer with an uncomfortable look. "I wish I could say I was exaggerating but unfortunately I am not."

Spencer read through all the horrors you'd faced from your parents and suddenly his issues felt very small compared to yours. Yet you still held your head high. You still found the strength to laugh, to talk, to be a normal human being. Anyone who knew all of you would understand if you needed a break. But you never took one.

"She went to multiple universities under a false name to avoid suspicions from her parents after paying her universities to send her parents updates on diplomas she wasn't working towards. All of this to avoid her parents? Just because they have money doesn't mean they get to control her life--" Spencer began to rant. He felt his mind rushing with anger filled thoughts. He wished he had hurt your mother a little physically when he met her.

"When she turned 18 her parents received a payment of 10,000 from a mister Peter Calvin in exchange for their daughter's hand in marriage, to which she refused for a whole year until she finally gave in exactly a year after the first. After that year of engagement she bought a plane ticket and changed her name. After that she continued going to school. Then the rest is almost history." Penelope rambled on, detailing everything Spencer already knew. He just felt angry at himself for letting this get so bad so fast. Then he read a little lower, and his heart sunk. And his hatred for your mother grew.

"'Recently there was a wiring of cash to a Mrs. Grant in exchange for the location of her daughter. When asked on this information, she quoted this by saying 'She needs to learn to grow up. Life isn't about getting what you want.'" Spencer read, feeling as though the words were poison on his tongue.

"So she sold her own daughter, twice." Penelope answered, nodding with a sad look on her face. Spencer felt his hands tightening harshly against his pants. If he didn't do something right now he was going to hit something. No he needed to hit something. Preferably Peter. And in his family jewels.

"Yeah. She did." Spencer spat. "Garcia, can we get a hold of this brother of hers? I wanna talk to him. And her mother. I wanna talk to her too." Spencer sneered again. Penelope nodded, slightly afraid of Spencer’s current state.

Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and stood up, resisting the urge to throw the chair he was sitting in. So instead he thrusted his pen at the closed door and found himself a comfortable part of the floor to crouch and release his anger.

He needed to find you. He had to.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader fic #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer x y/n #spencer x reader fanfic #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds family #criminal minds fanfic

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stardustdaemon · 4 years ago

Text

Promise? (Saeyoung x Reader)

I found this in my documents and had comepletely forgotten about it so, I finished it off!!! I hope you Enjoy!!! <3

Words:3556

-------------------------------------------------------

He hated this. He hated the life he’d found himself in, the sick jokes fate constantly played on him. From birth he just guessed he was unlucky, that God had punished him for being an illegitimate child. Even after opening up his soul to God, he couldn’t get rid of that feeling, a sense of betrayal.

He’d entered the church and found what he thought was solace in a coupe older than him. But the only way they could save him and his brother, was to separate them. The idea hurt, of leaving his weak yet beautiful brother alone. But it hurt more to let him continue living however many days he had left in that household. So he took the options given to him. To walk away from his brother and trust that he would be cared for and that maybe, if God would allow it, they could see each other again.

Years and years passed and he slipped through so many names he didn’t know who he was anymore. He still wondered how his brother was everyday and even though he’d risked his job and life demanding information on him, treasuring the few pictures and anecdotes he’d been allowed to know and see, it wasn’t enough.

One day, he hoped, that they could live happily together again.

Hoped he’d live happily too.

“I’m only here to protect you. I’ll be over there. Don’t bother me.”

This was the second joke that life had played on him. It had given him a soulmate, somebody to love, somebody that could maybe understand and accept him… Somebody to protect.

But fate had decided that was all he was allowed to do. He couldn’t love you, he couldn’t hold you, kiss you, care for you. He couldn’t even smile for you.

He could protect you, but you could never be close.

“We can neither be friends or family.”

He hated having to pretend like being with you was the biggest inconvenience of his life. That you were nothing but a nuisance, a hindrance and he was only there for work. God, how he wanted to hold you, run his hand through your hair, link his fingers with yours and walk beside you at night.

The best he could do was close his ears to the sounds of your sobs at night, curl his back and tilt his head down to tell you not to bother him.

He hated having to push you away, but you couldn’t love him. You were so bright, you deserved the sun. He couldn’t provide that for you, he was dangerous.

“I told you to stay away from me!” He didn’t mean to shout and his heart broke at the way you curled in on yourself slightly.

“I just… Wanted to make sure you weren’t hungry… I made you some food but I guess I can p-put it in the fridge. S-sorry.” Your voice shook slightly as you turned around, shoulders slumped.

He couldn’t take it anymore, reaching out to grab your wrist before he could think, pulling you back against his chest.

“I’m sorry I’m just…Stressed. I’m worried about you… About Saeran. If you get involved with all of this, with me then you’ll be in danger and I can’t risk that. I can’t risk you.” He mumbled against your hair, arms wrapped tight around your waist. You both stayed that way for a while, listening to each others breathing, each others heartbeat. It felt like an eternity before you reached down to tug at his wrists.

“I can take care of myself Luciel. I’m not scared with you beside me.” You spoke quietly, careful not to enrage him again as you slowly turned around to meet his eyes. He stared into yours, his gold eyes worried and glistening with tears before you hugged him tight, burying your face in his shoulder.

“I want to be with you. No matter how dangerous you say you are. I want this. Please, don’t decide for me… I know this is hard, I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now but please. Just stay with me for now… Even if after all of this, you have to disappear… I want to remember you as my first love.” You smiled, a soft, sad smile and his heart shattered into a thousand pieces but mended itself at the same time. Your first love. The words echoed around his head on a loop as he blinked at you.

You wanted to love him. You wanted to be beside him and you wanted him at your side too. If he’d learnt anything about you over the past few days it was that you were undeniably stubborn, unmoveable. You were bright and open, friendly and cheery, stubborn and strong and he knew all of that. He loved you for that, the openness of your heart, how willing you were to help, even if you’d been throw into a situation you had no control over, no facts about.

At first he’d thought you were weak maybe, after all, who agrees to help a group of strangers after being led to an apartment? Who happily stays in somebody else’s home to continue their work with such little information?

But after a few days, he realised you weren’t weak at all. Naïve maybe. But you were strong. You let your heart drive you, you were friendly and there was so much of you to give to others. He still thought he didn’t deserve you, that he should make you hate him, leave him behind. Somebody better for you will turn up right?

You gently brushed his cheek to bring him back from his thoughts.

“Did you go back to space just then?” You asked quietly and he couldn’t help the laugh that spread through his body. You always knew what to say.

“Yeah, I think I did.” Luciel admitted sheepishly, his lips curved upwards oh so gently. Your eyes crinkled as you giggled before stepping away.

“Come on, please eat.” You tugged at his sleeve and he nodded weakly, following you into the small kitchen. You let go to reheat the food and he nearly whimpered at the loss of your warmth before you shot him a grin.

This was why you were strong. He knew you were hurt, that you were scared this moment would fall through and he’d push you away again. But on the outside you acted so calm and careful, it made him feel bad that you had to act that way because of him. As you moved around the kitchen he watched your every movement, eyes drawn to the way your hands shook and you kept pausing to take deep breaths. Your eyes glancing at him every now and then as if to check he was still there.

He couldn’t stand it. He moved towards you in two large strides, behind you within seconds with his arms around your waist, chin on your shoulder. You stiffened ever so slightly before relaxing against him, your hands immediately more steady.

He’d had enough of serious and danger.

“Hmmmm, looks good!” He cheered by your ear, making you bark out a laugh.

“Really, looks like shit from where I’m standing.” You mumbled, opening the microwave door and setting the time.

“Must be height perspective. I read somewhere that things look better from an angle.” Luciel teased and you reached back to slap at his thigh. He laughed, pulling a strand of your hair into his mouth. When the microwave pinged, you went to move to open it but he wouldn’t let you.

“Luciel come on, I need to get that.” You whined and he laughed into your shoulder before reaching for the bowl himself, hissing lightly as the heated ceramic made contact with his hand. Before you knew it, you two were part of a weird dance, waddling over to the table with one of his arms still wrapped tight around your waist, the other holding the bowl in front of him. You started to giggle loudly, shaking both of you with each step.

“Hey MC! We’re gonna fall over!” Luciel wailed dramatically and you snorted before he placed the bowl down. You attempted to untangle yourself from his grip but instead he swung you up over his shoulder and headed back to the kitchen side, ignoring your undignified squawk.

“This is much easier, I should’ve done this earlier.” He thought aloud, glancing at you to shift you into position before giggling. “Nice underwear~” He sang, making your face light up.

“When you’re done being a pervert, please put me down, all I can see is your ass.” You mumbled, patting it for reaffirmation and relishing in the way his body jolted.

“Ohohoho, who’s the pervert now?” He queried before making his way back to the table with the other bowl in one hand. You couldn’t help but shake your head as he slowly lifted you off his shoulder before placing you in one of the chairs. You smiled gently before picking up your spoon, motioning for him to follow.

And he did, he sat down in his chair and spun his spoon between his fingers before his eyes widened and his mouth formed a cute little ‘O’. Raising an eyebrow curiously, you watched as he put his spoon down, sliding the bowl over to you and you were about to complain about him not eating before he started scooting his chair around the table.

The sight was hilarious. You couldn’t contain your laughter as you watched him awkwardly shuffle over, his torso jerking, his knee occasionally hitting a table leg, his hair bouncing with every movement. The sound of the chair scratching against the floor should’ve gotten on your nerves, but still twenty seconds in and you were doubled over, hands over your stomach as you laughed tears into your eyes. When he finally reached your side he was slightly out of breath, his cheeks flushed from either embarrassment or the energy he’d expended travelling half way around the table.

Without saying a word, he reached across the table to retrieve his spoon, smiling at you before digging in. He was happy. He’d only ever witnessed you laugh that hard through the chatroom, only imagined the obnoxious but cute rhythm of your laugh, the way you couldn’t even cover your mouth with your hands because your stomach hurt. The tears pricking at the corner of your eyes and streaming down your face.

You calmed down eventually, nudging his knee with yours and began to eat. Both of you were silent, bar the occasional snort on your behalf and the ashamed mumble from him.

“Oh man that was hilarious. If only I’d filmed it.” You voiced to yourself, smiling at him as you placed your spoon down. You stood up, picking up both your bowls before heading over to the sink. After rinsing them both out with water you turned around, smiling at Luciel as he stood up to put his chair back in its rightful place.

It was weird. Not an hour earlier you were stood here alone, staring at his back hunched over in the dark corner, trying to ignore the way your heart ached.

Now you were met with a gentle smile, him rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. You didn’t have 100% trust in the situation. You knew you were both in danger, with the bomb in the apartment and his agency chasing him but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at that moment. Even if it was the first and last time he was so bright towards you in person, you were going to treasure it.

Because it was a sign he felt something right? He wasn’t just… Here to protect you, under obligation. But by his own will. That’s what you hoped for anyway.

“Hey you said we’d go to space together next time!” You heard him whisper. He was suddenly stood in front of you, hand resting on your cheek. You blinked once, twice before nodding.

“Ahahah, sorry, got caught up.” You murmured. All you wanted was to see that gentle warmth in his eyes but the sight of it made your stomach turn. What if he just shut down again? What if you pushed him too far? What if you scared him away?

Shaking your head, you rubbed at your eyes hastily before grinning up at him, hoping he wouldn’t see through it.

“So, I um… I got you to eat so… You can go back to working now…” You mumbled, gesturing to his computer. The way his eyes widened made you flinch; he looked hurt. But you’d thought about it. And maybe, for now, it was better if you stopped trying to make him love you.

There were so many things happening right now, big things. His brother is his enemy, his agency is after him, he had to fix the special security system. There wasn’t any room for you, not right now, not when he needed to save his brother.

“Hey you okay?” He asked as you nodded slowly, moving to the doorway.

“Yeah I’m fine, just need to go lay down.” You put managed to draw up a light smile, pumping your fist in the air in hopes that he’d let you go. He nodded slowly, stepping up to you and placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Sorry again about earlier. Rest well.” And then he was gone. His back facing you once again as you watched him sit back down on the floor, hands stretching over his keyboard.

You hurried to you room, leaning against the door as soon as you closed it.

You spent a few hours just sat in the dark room, thinking about what to do. When he’d first said he was coming you couldn’t help but get excited. Talking to him in the chatroom was one thing but how much fun would it be in person?

But after he’d saved you from Saeran, he’d become cold, distant and you realised that maybe you didn’t know him at all. Everyone else said you understood him perfectly and you’d thought so too for a few days until he was right in front of you.

It made you feel terrible. Expecting his bubbly warm personality… Expected 707 to come see you. But 707 was a persona, to hide the real him. All you wanted was to get to know him, but he seemed against the idea and it gave you doubts.

Luciel was such a nice guy and… nothing he did with you was too friendly. Just jokes, playful acts. He knew your feelings for him. But maybe they weren’t mutual. You wanted to believe they were but, there was still a chance they weren’t.

Knocking above your head pushed you back into reality and you leant your head against the door.

“Hello?” You called out, coughing at how hoarse your voice sounded.

“It’s me. Could we talk?” Luciel’s voice rang through the door and you nodded to yourself, standing and opening the door for him. The corners of his mouth turned up the smallest amount before he stepped in, hand moving for the light. You grabbed it, shaking your head and led him to the bed instead, taking a seat on the edge and motioning him over. He seemed flustered but moved over anyway, carefully sitting down beside you.

“Why do you want the lights off?” He whispered and you shuffled a little bit closer, hooking your pinkie finger with his.

“Because I want to ask you some questions but I want to hear the answers from your heart… The dark comforts me.” You explained as he gently soothed circles into the back of your hand. You were silent for a while before he spoke up again.

“I know… I know I said we can’t be friends or family and… Honestly I still think it’s better for you to stay away from me.” You winced but he shushed you. “But… I wanted to apologise. My brain has been in overdrive since you first arrived, I don’t know what you did to me but I couldn’t focus. I thought coming to work here would make it easier. But coming to you in person only made me remember the rules I set myself years ago.” You leant your head on his shoulder.

“I told myself to get close to nobody. That way nobody will remember me when I disappear, nobody gets hurt. I don’t want to see you hurt… But I already have and that’s only because of my stupid fears. But, selfishly, I want you to remember me. If something happens to me and I do disappear… I want you to remember who I was.” His eyes stared into yours, shining even in the low light of the room. The words he spoke made your head light. You nodded after a few seconds of silence, a gentle smile gracing your mouth to show him you understood. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes.

“You kind of answered one of my questions already. But I still have a few more.” You spoke quietly, pulling your hands back to place them in your lap as he made a noise of understanding. Taking a few deep breaths, you linked your fingers together.

“Who are you, really? And I don’t mean 707 or Luciel, who is the you that you keep hidden, close to your heart?” You kept your gaze to the floor, breathing becoming sharp when you felt him tense just slightly underneath you. The silence that took over the room was heavy, suffocating and you were about to move away and tell him not to worry when he sighed.

“I... Don’t really know how to answer that question. 707 who you met in the chat, the me before you in this very second, they’re not completely fake. They’re aspects of who I am, but they aren’t me. I guess the real me, the one I refuse to let out is... dark. He’s alone and he’s scared. He’s done bad things and has become to accustomed to those acts, he’s... blunt.” His voice was shaking as he spoke, eyes hesitant to look into yours. You smiled, nodding and leaning up slightly, face in line with his.

“That’s okay. Thank you, for being honest.” You spoke quietly, smiling gently as his lips twitch up at the corners. You stayed silent, watching him for any signs he was uncomfortable but he just sighed, hand gently framing your face.

“What were the other questions?” He asked gently, voice fragile and fear buried in the depths of his eyes. You just shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter, not right now. I don’t want to push you. Or break this moment.” Your voice was a whisper, eyes gently closing as you dropped your head back to his shoulder. He just shrugged, gently laying you both down, your legs still over the edge of the bed, his hand running through your hair.

“I want to hear it, so I can know if my answer is correct.” His voice was quiet, almost lost in the darkness of your room. You took a breath, sitting up to face him, hands fidgeting with your shirt.

“My last question is for my own peace of mind. Selfish. A question for my own healing.” You warned him, watching for any signs of anger or distrust. His expression stayed open as he pulled himself up slightly, weight resting on his elbows, tilting his head for you to continue.

“Do you love me?” The words left your throat before you could think, eyes unable to leave his, even as you felt the tears bubbling. His silence was a constraint on your heart, heavy and crushing before you heard him laugh. A small, breathy sound.

“Of course I do. I’m not supposed to, and up until ten minutes ago, I was never going to admit it to you. But here we are.” He smiled, causing you to burst out in tears, sobs racking your body, full of relief. His arms were around you at some point, his thumbs brushing away your seemingly endless tears.

You cried for a while, quiet sobs echoing throughout the room, body shaking with relief and fear. Relief that you weren’t alone in your feelings, fear he’d return back to normal when you woke up tomorrow, empty and dismissive of you.

“Come on, I’m not going to leave.” He whispered into your hair and you only nodded, not yet trusting your voice.

He got you into bed, tucked you in and ran his finger down the side of your face, his expression fond. You had calmed down now, breathing mismatched but feeling more stable. As he stood you felt your heart pinch again, preparing yourself to be alone but he only shifted to a cross-legged position, back resting against the headboard.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. We can talk more in the morning, you need the rest.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes to himself as you reached for his hand, interlinking your fingers with a smile.

“Promise?” You mumbled, eyes suddenly feeling heavy with the weight of sleep and he hummed in affirmation, leaning down to press a kiss to your hair.

“Promise.”

#mao writes #mysmes #mystic messenger #Saeyoung choi #Luciel choi #707 #707 x reader #saeyoung x reader #luciel x reader #mc

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