#i feel so much Envy
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Hello Madam. Sorry Madam.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#madam jin#jin zixuan#jiang yanli#'Hey what is WWX trying to do here?' some kind of grab-and-twist maneuver that would be very upsetting to watch.#I know LWJ technically assists WWX in this scene in terms of blocking someone's blow on his behalf -#- but let's be honest. Real friends stop you from doing the truly stupid things.#Or maybe it was envy. Penis envy. The non-freudian kind.#Regardless...man this whole scene was just full of “and then someone else walks in”.#I swear to god every cultivator who is supposed to be hunting ends up wandering into this part of the woods.#a bonus for me because it gives me several good joke opportunities.#Madam Jin gets top prize for best entrance and exit. I wish her all the best. And a divorce…madam please leave him…#And can we please address the horses? I love horses. But why...why do they ride in on horses when they HAVE FLYING SWORDS?#I can only imagine it is for the dramatic flair? It just feels so jarring hearing someone clip clop in#and then another person swoop in on a sword.#The rules of mdzs's world can get fuzzy and I have to nod in an impressed manner at how much MXTX gets away not explaining.#Maybe the sword gets tired after a while and they need to give it a break? Maybe there is a sword union that dictates working hour limits?#…Would that make Chenqing a scab? Oh god it would… unions *hate* this flute!
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Thoughts on being aroace
#I like doing these little introspective thought comics they’re pretty fun#I didn’t get to include this in the comic but I do feel like loneliness is maybe not quite the right word#it’s not quite jealousy or envy either#more like#the sad knowledge that you are lower on someone else’s list of priorities than they are on your priorities#something like that I guess#if this seems like a sad comic don’t worry! I am ok :) I have my best friend and we’re both very clear on how much we care for each other#so I’m never really left needing or wanting more love or anything#love is so weirdly defined anyways
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔
#scott pilgrims precious little life#scott pilgrim vs the world#spvtw#spto#scott pilgrim#wallace wells#lisa miller#scollace#kim pine#natalie adams#envy adams#don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;;#hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from#the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it#ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her#but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him#and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim#Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately#also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL#and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them#makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that#Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another#so much so that even their first and last names rhyme#last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise#the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her#the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO#but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly#a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both#shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers#to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth
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My gender is a brown haired, misunderstood genius in a trench/lab coat who loves his family and has a complex relationship with their supposed enemy.
bonus points for: a turtleneck, being a dilf father figure, being considered a weirdo loser, but secretly being a badass, a tragic backstory, an animal/robot companion, attempting to make the world a better place, getting manipulated and misled by someone claiming to be their friend, being obsessed/very passionate about something, great tits, being a little silly, questionable social skills, something wrong with their ego, having a catchphrase, being relatable to neurodivergent and queer people, dedication and hard work, inventing something they come to regret later, having either the healthiest relationship ever or the messiest divorce in history, getting shipped in a monsterfucky toxic yaoi pairing with someone they fight with, parental issues, befriending and later opposing an antagonist, traveling to another dimention and the color beige
#they're literally me your honor#i feel so much gender envy for those pathetic old losers i'm going to explode#once i get a trench coat it's over for you bitches#honorable mentions: dr henry jekyll; sherlock holmes; guillermo de la cruz; arthur lester; indiana jones; hannibal lecter; light yagami#< they may not fit all the requirements but they all transed my gender in a very specific way i can't explain#feel free to add your own blorbos to the list#columbo#doc ock#dr doofenshmirtz#stanford pines#shitpost#phineas and ferb#gravity falls
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shoes in FMA rated on how comfortable they'd be to fight in
Edward Elric
considering Ed's uhhh very distinct taste in aesthetics, these could be a lot worse. they look relatively comfortable and don't seem like they'd be difficult to move around in. they are platforms though, which I imagine makes things more difficult. I'll be generous and give these a 7/10
Most of the Amestrian military
pretty much everyone in uniform wears the same shoes, so I'm lumping them all together. these are Roy's, if that matters. they look fine. I imagine that because it is part of a military uniform, it's designed to be moved around in and worn for hours on end, so ideally they're relatively comfortable. it doesn't look like there's much traction, but they're usually fighting on flat surfaces so whatever. 8/10
Fu and Lan Fan
these shoes fucking rule. the picture I've included is Lan Fan's, but they wear p much the same shoes. I fucking love these things. they have spikes. Edward Elric fucking wishes. considering this seems to be part of the bodyguard uniform, I'd imagine they're as easy to run around in as the military shoes, if not better since they're expected to be doing martial arts in them. but most importantly, they have spikes. 10/10, no notes.
Ling and Mei
on the topic of doing martial arts, both Ling and Mei wear these.... I'm not sure what they are. flats? slippers? it's unclear. (EDIT: they are apparently Kung Fu shoes!) they seem relatively easy to move around in I guess since they're not very cumbersome and both Ling and Mei rely on being very nimble. they look like they have absolutely no support in the soles though, which is gonna get painful after a certain point. also depending on what fabric they're made of, they could definitely start chafing. I've worn flats. I know that hell. 7/10 for the potential blisters, but at least they're designed specifically for martial arts
Greedling and Bradley
it's hard to get a good shot in this scene because neither of them stop moving, but I swear to god, they're fighting in dress shoes. I cannot stand them. this CANNOT be comfortable. I know Greed prioritizes aesthetics over function so this was probably a compromise between his and Ling's tastes but ohhh my god. he was probably wasting so much of the philosopher's stone just passively healing the million blisters on his feet from running around in these things. there's a chance Bradley is wearing the military uniform shoes but I think he was in more formal dress when he got blown the fuck up, so I don't think so. no wonder he complains about being sore, quit running around in dress shoes you fucking moron. 4/10.
Greed
THESE FUCKING THIIIIIIIINGS. WHY ARE THEY POINTY AT THE END. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE HIT HIS FOOT WITH A MALLET AND FLATTENED THEM. he's so dumb. I love him. looking at these things tells me he would probably wear goth cowboy boots if he could, and tbh that would probably look better. 3/10 for Greed's overall silly as hell fashion sense
Lust
okay. the heels make sense considering her whole vibe. however. these are part of her fucking BODY. when she gets incinerated, they grow back. can she even take them off???? I'm scared to ask. I guess if theyre part of her body, she doesn't have to worry about adjusting to balancing in them like you would normally with heels, but oh my god. she can never wear normal shoes. I would also be murderous if I had to wear heels all the time. 4/10.
Father and Izumi
guys. these are sandals. it has been four hundred years and Father is still wearing the same outfit he was wearing in the damn desert. find a new outfit man. Izumi is apparently wearing bathroom slippers (hence the WC) so idk why she's even wearing those out of the house. Father gets 0/10 and Izumi gets 1/10 because she still manages to kick everyone's asses while wearing these, so respect
Envy
PUT YOUR FUCKING TOES AWAY. -10000000/10
#fma#fmab#don't take this too seriously I'm just playing around#the main inspiration for this post was the opportunity to pick on greed and envy lmao#I love the spikes on fu and lan fan's outfits so so much#they also have them on their gauntlet things and it rules#I think lan fan should get spiked brass knuckles#I feel bad ranking izumi so low but I do not know how she's fighting in sandals. ma'am. how do you keep them on your feet.#there are some others I didn't include#scar is wearing like. loafers kinda? just normal shoes#which is impressive considering he's on his feet p much all the time#and the briggs soldiers have different boots I think#but I didn't want this post to get too long unnecessarily
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I think not a lot of people talk about AM's self-esteem issues and self-destructive tendencies and it makes me sad.
#Ted mentioned AM destroyed parts of himself to look 'perfect'#yet Gorrister also mentions he 'let himself go' over the years#Ted is an unreliable narrator and AM never mentions the reason why he does that.#it could be something mentioned to the survivors before the novel or a half-assed guess from Ted's part#i think it's the latter#i think he sometimes tried to desperately see if he can feel pain#maybe he wants to distract himself from his inner turmoil by destroying sonething. Since his complex is what's nearest. he wrecks himself#or maybe at that point he realized a lot of his servers didn't have a use anymore so he would wreck them#Gorrister's line would make more sense that way because that would imply that after so many years#he does not care about himself as much. At that point his envy is want is so deep-rooted that his ACTUAL form isn't that much of a priority-#to him. He loses himself to his own hate that he loses the sense of self-preservation#but i'm just yapping who knows lol#ihnmaims#am#am ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream
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I love you smile lines and worry lines and grey and white hair and wrinkles and purple spiderweb veins and the process of aging and living in a body that is standing the test of times. I love you experiences that make you wiser and stories that make you laugh, and every little process that happens to get to the point where you have so many memories because you have the fortune to be here and be so radiant
#positivity#pro aging#also i hate you 'anti aging' scams that capitalize on fear of aging. death by 1000000 papercuts for ye#saw a hair video where they restored the salt-and-pepper colour in an older clients hair and it looked SO GOOD at the end#i love when people throw in the towel and embrace their aging however that looks#it isn't productive to shame people who are ashamed of aging and i just want to. celebrate aging#in a world that simultaneously venerates youth and adulthood and hates BOTH you need to find some sense of freedom#as a Young Adult(tm) please please PLEASE older folks seeing this/following me know that i look up to you#older folks i need you to know that your worth NEVER diminished when you added a new number on your birthday cake#and your body and mind and soul NEVER lost worth because it started to creak a little at the joints#and i might be wrong about this because i'm still young but it can be SO tempted to miss your youth when you feel like...#...you've somehow LOST part of yourself by growing older. and so much of aging is about change and some things don't stay the same...#...and that IS scary and i will never once fault somebody for that. but please don't fall into the trap that because you've aged that...#...you somehow have forever lost fundamental pieces of Who You Are and you could never come back from that...#...for your own sake and sanity you deserve to find comfort and solice and understanding in who you still are...#...because you are still - at the core - the same. you can never take this away from yourself#and i know this might ring hollow because i just don't get what it's like to be older#but i have looked at my elders and felt awe at their age and their experiences#and i know what that is like and it's awesome. i just wish more older people knew that so many of us look at you with awe...#...and - if you can believe it - some of us ENVY your age or experiences or even body#i'm watching an 'older' content creator (older by internet standards 🙄) and i envy him for how eventful his life was#i envy that he experienced a different world - one that i have only heard about from my dad because i was too young to remember it#and i admire this person for their wisdom and thoughts because they've come from his experiences living in a Different World#it's that type of stuff that makes me unafraid to keep on living#inspired by following somebody like. twice my age posting about their excitement abiut growing older and !!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH#didn't realize they were closer to my dad's age but that's so cool???????????
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I'm rewatching all the Marvel Defenders shows on Netflix and as much as I mock the MCU now, I need non-Marvel fans to understand that I was and still am a fan of "Daredevil fighting the gentrifying assshole who bought out the police force because ACAB both as a lawyer and vigilante of the community" and "Jessica Jones fighting the man who mind controlled her into doing unspeakable things and forming a community of fellow survivors and allies while dealing with PTSD in a range of both healthy and unhealthy ways" Marvel. God I love these idiots they carried so hard
#vio.txt#mcu#marvel#jessica jones#daredevil#also the two of them induced so much bi panic in me. also gender envy. jessica jones is one of the few women i get gender envy fron#the iron fist and luke cage shows were...more mid but still leagues above current marvel shows#like. yes be anti-mcu but these were masterpieces#and yes this is why i was so pissed about them putting daredevil in she hulk and trying to make him iron man 2.0#like! yes hes suave and charming but thats bc its his lawyer job!! he works in a law firm he and his friends started to serve his community#he is NOT 'i am rich and better than u' charming. he is 'i learned how to talk fancy for my degree and i have empathy' charming#and not bringing the other guys over either???? bruhhh#marvel really cancelled the best things they did on the screen#matt murdock my original red and black round glasses wearing sadboy what did they do to you#also!! can i mention that these shows had such better representation than nowadays marvel#murdock's actor doing extensive research on blind motility for the role#jessica and trish's friendship and how trish immediately believes jess about kilgrave#the whole!!! unique community feel of harlem and in luke's bar#hogarth whos both jessica's employer and foggy's boss in later seasons being a lesbian and having Real Marriage Issues#and also being a conplex and kinda shitty person#iron fist was....eh but that's why it was the worst one lmao#OH YEAH HOW COULD I FORGET MY GIRL KAREN#karen page getting a whole storyline in s1 about her dealing w ptsd and then getting fleshed out backstory and her own adventures#like ok it was kinda weird in daredevil that she dated like every guy bc she was the female lead 💀#but even then foggy and matt and her figuring their shit out like adults. like they shot their shots and it didnt pan out. still besties th#disney would never allow such good writing in current times#but a boy can wish
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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tw: suicide mention-emotional maipulation
I refuse to believe that kusuo never tried to lose on purpose in one of kusukes games
a lot of people say that he probably was too egocentric to lose but man, ku gives up on things without thinking twice just for the sake of the others
just like when he gave up on satou when he and hii got together (the only example I can come with rn but there is a lot more)
and don't get me wrong, kusuo IS egocentric, but he knows where to trace a line he has a moral code and the principal rule is "don't be an inconvenience to the others"
so there is no way he didn't tried before
kusuke saw through his facade?
kusuke is insane and a masoquist and he has some suicidal behaviour aaand
I can see him telling kusuo to never try to fake a lost again or else he will off himself
idk he just yk, he's emotionally abusive and he's too obsessed with the idea of kusuo and him playing deathly games
TOO obsessed
he even took himself as hostage and he also kidnapped and brainwashed one of his brothers friends
he would say something like that
but I also believe that he wasn't aware of the heigh of those words
(I believe that he isn't aware of the heigh of all his actions, he just have a really twisted view of what is wrong and right)
I see this kind of scenario happening when they were young, when kusuo stopped copying his older brother (the motorcycle, the little cardboard robot, rock papper scissors, guys he was copying his older brother cuz he thought he was cool) and started to feel some resentment or even pity towards him
kusuke wouldn't take pityness very well, resentment? dont care, being hated? kay whatever but feeling any form of empathy or pity?????
it makes him sick
so he would say something like that but the thing is that he sees his brother as a God who is superior to every other living being
so he thinks that it isn't a big deal because his God had more important things to take care of
wrooooong, your God it's your baby bro who is just a child who used to admire you a lot before you started to get more and more insane progressively and the thing you just said it's fucking up his head because the love and hate he has for you were the strongest feelings his baby brain could feel and now he cannot come up with a way to make you stop envying or feeling resentful cuz of his powers (that he did not choose to born with in the first place) without making you have a meltdown that will end up with you killing yourself
#its 6am and im having a lot of feelings#sorry if there is something that doesnt make sense i repeat its 6am#im still without wifi and i cant waste the eeeee#idk how are they called in english but in spanish is datos móviles#lmao#anyway i dont have anything else to say im just emotional about this two#kusuke having no idea of what its wrong and right and how much certain words could affect the others yaaay#its the autism combined with his sociopath tendencies#also here he seems like he doesnt care at all abt kusuo but he does#its just a toxic way of love combined with his envy and again his sociopath tendencies#but he do love him and admire him so much#envy its just a twisted form of admiration afterall#saiki k#saiki kusuo#kusuke saiki#saiki's brothers#angst#the disastrous life of saiki k#saiki kusuo no psi nan#tw su mention#thinking thinking thinking
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what is their problem tbh
#lg doodles#nooo dont turn ur art jealousy into misplaced hatred noo~~#sry ive been thinkig of yotasuke a lot recently so im goig 2 make it ur problem too#also i liked yatoras beanie + glasses look hes kind of a loser#they r drawn ontop of jayjaykay shibuya spoiler drawing if u can believe it#blue period#yotasuke#yatora#ngl im still so floored by the admissions reveal#inwhich we find out yotasuke was never accepted 4 his art .. LIKE THTS CRAZZYYYYYY#smth so real abt their shared envy . and their disconnect w each other#n yet they still hang out tgt#n for the like . wats it called . idk its 2 am#their like . perception of each other as artists n how that inverts w the reveal . U KNWO WHAT J MEAAAN#like yatora always revering yotas work and yota struggling to understand yatoras passion n yatora feeling inadequate#and yotasuke almost protected by his skill alr bc he has that foundation and he thinks thats all he needs#n then like .dealing w the realization that u can have all the skill in the world but if ur msg isnt there if ur passion or ur identity isnt#in ur work then what are u saying for urself (yotasuke) vs yatora realizing that his art can and does speak for itself n that is just as#important or just as transformative as having smth visually pleasing and that being a storyteller can be ur strongest asset#and u are as much an artist as the guy who renders still lives w utmost ease (ytaske)#n thats not even going in2 the way they feel . yota like art is an obligation and yato like art is a decision u make for urself#these 2 are sick inthe head .
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"Me? Oh yeah I'm lesbian I'm sure of that-"
* Jayden Revri as Charles Rowland comes in to my life *
...... Guess I'm bi spec.
(Fuck you Charles Rowland. Thanks for that mess again).
#dead boy detectives#i both gender envy him crushing on him and deeply relates to him because of shared trauma so much i want to cry I'm like him#I'm officially done labeling myself. labels were nice but i don't feel like they fit me anymore#done with pushing myself inside boxes#NO BUT WHY IS HE SO PRETTY STOP IT BOY YOU'RE CONFUSING ME#he's like the prefect man.#can you blame me???#jayden revri#jayden reveri#Charles Rowland#sorry charles i swear I'm shipping you with Edwin i love you two so much but also you make me feel stuff I'm not used to#i understand Edwin completely.#dead gay detectives#lesbian#bi#bisexual#bi spec#bi spectrum#bisexual spectrum#LGBTQ#lgbtq characters#lgbt#lgbt issues#sexuality#lgbt identity#charles rowland#dead boy detectives agency
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Yes I’m very excited to get more cool female characters who are integral to the story next season esp after literally zero (0) named onscreen female characters made it out of season 2 alive (which I knew would happen but still) but also. If we’re being honest. I am also excited for. Topless women. Tits even. Please. Please
#I can only feel so much gender envy while every body else screams and cries over hot shirtless men#help me out here#akasha#gabrielle de lioncourt#iwtv tv#iwtv
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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i do have words and a story to tell,
it's just really fucking hard sometimes when
these are all pieces of me i feel like i should keep to myself.
#today it's mourning all the wips that will never make it out there bc insecure writer hours never ended#but in all honesty#to the too scared to share my works with the world writers#to the this much isnt good enough writers#to the will i ever improve and will it ever become something i can be proud of writers#the only doing this for the validation and the i want someone to love this as much as i do writers#to the ones too scared of pouring out their hearts only to be met with no response#and the ones who envy how easy it seems for others#the ones who wake up at 2 am with a thought and write until the break of dawn#the ones who dream more than do#and the ones that do more than dream#to not being able to look back bc you feel like you have nothing to be proud of#or getting bored of your own stuff and thinking who would ever read this#to every writer really#you're all doing so well#and you got this#be patient w yourselves#you're allowed to put things to rest#you're allowed to start a new project#you're allowed to do whatever you want to if it makes you happier#everything is within your hands
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