#i feel so conflicted about these things sometimes

[argonautsoul]

“Oh, to be able to be admired, cared for, loved, without needing to do any other thing than existing. No need to fight. Just to care, and nourish one and each other...”

Love isn’t something you feel, though. It’s something you do. And so,

loving someone is loving who they are.

When people feel that they are not understood, it frequently is due to not enough empathy going both ways...

[Text ID: “I would have preferred if you had loved me less and understood me more.”]

Here, one is actually saying: “I was in love with the fantasy relationship I wanted him/her to give me, but s/he wasn't offering me that; (I didn't like the way s/he was treating me)”.

Whatever you understand about your partner is your perspective. It is not what s/he really is. Whatever you attribute to your partner is in relation to you.

True love is based on accepting each other as they are... and you can't love something that you actually don't like... you can't love the other one if you don't actually enjoy the way s/he makes you feel.

Preferences are more about us than the other person, so first, try to give yourself what you are seeking from your date or partner.

Love isn't about trying to change someone to fit our idea of perfect.

What's more,

Forever, one can not fully understand the other one at all. This is the beauty of how they were created. Therefore, there is conflict between them.

Even within ourselves, there are/can be some deep-seated subconscious behaviours and beliefs that we don’t understand.

It is about accepting the whole person, even the parts you don't fully understand or agree with.

People's personalities change and grow over time. As you go through life together, you'll see new sides of each other. True love allows for that growth and accepts the ever-changing nature of your partner, even as their outer personality shifts. 

Any relationship is in a state of change, part of which is continuous knowledge of the other.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”

 — Fred Rogers

And hence, constant effort is needed to accept and adjust themselves to keep up with the changing lifestyles along the way with the changing society.

It takes time to grow together. And we want the maturity in a relationship that comes with time, the emotional connect that develops over years, that sense of belonging when we barely even know the other person... Apparently, nothing is worth our time, effort, and patience. Not even love. Relationships, however, require energy and participation.

Cognitive biases can be particularly damaging because they distort our perceptions and interpretations of our partners' actions and motives.

Cognitive bias is so difficult to acknowledge, understand, or be aware of within ourselves because we actively protect our beliefs. Sometimes, this means denying truth or new information that comes to us (a la cognitive dissonance).

In addition,

Depressed people don’t have the energy, and if they are caught up in the very common mode of isolation because of their depression they are definitely not participating... sometimes, there is an element of mental illness involved in this arena in general.

Lastly,

We don't really need an intellectual twin who can finish our sentences.

And that level of interconnection isn’t necessary. As long as they treat you appropriately, even if they don’t understand you completely, you can still have a very fulfilling relationship.

Love is a commitment, not about the mushy gushy feelings.

Let the commitment be the beginning of understanding. 

══════☸☸☸══════

Too often, in this culture, we cloud the picture, overanalyze, fear those conscious efforts, and insist that love means something very definable and ultimately acceptable — don’t get sucked into the madness, stay in your true path and please, please find a partner who is similar to you (i.e., hold similar values), who cares about your thoughts and feelings, and genuinely enjoys your company.

And read “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It’s eye-opening to realize that someone may be figuratively shouting their love from the rooftops — but you aren’t “hearing” it. Communication is key, as long as you understand your partner’s language.

.

Margarita Karapanou, tr. by Karen Emmerich, from Rien ne va plus

[Text ID: “I would have preferred if you had loved me less and understood me more.”]

[deonsx]

Relationship life with blue lock boys

Feat: Nagi,Bachira,Rin

Nagi Seishiro

Nagi wouldn't likely be one for grand romantic gestures or constant displays of affection. His approach would focus on spending quiet, peaceful time with his partner, avoiding overly emotional or complex matters that might feel tiring to him. Not Clingy, but Devoted While Nagi might appear indifferent at times, his devotion would run deep. If he trusts his partner, they would become his "comfort zone," and he would try to keep the relationship stable in his own way

Nagi would enjoy low-effort activities like playing video games, watching movies, or just relaxing with his partner. For him, spending time together should feel natural and unforced. Drama is not something Nagi would tolerate in a relationship. He'd avoid conflict and might retreat if things get too tense

Nagi isn't someone who openly expresses his emotions, so his love would show through small actions rather than words.For example, setting aside time from football or gaming to be with his partner would be a sign of his affection.Building an emotional bond with Nagi would take time, but once he's attached, he would be loyal and reliable. As he grows more comfortable, he'd gradually open up and show more warmth in the relationship

Bachira Meguru

Bachira is full of energy, and he would bring that same enthusiasm into his romantic relationship. He loves making things fun and exciting, so a relationship with him would always be lively, with lots of spontaneous moments. He might not take everything seriously, but his playful nature would keep things light-hearted and joyful

Bachira isn't shy about showing affection.

He would probably express his feelings openly, even in a somewhat exaggerated or dramatic way. Expect lots of playful gestures like hugs, teasing, and spontaneous compliments. He would make sure his partner knows they're special to him

With Bachira, life would never be boring. He's always looking for new experiences and would likely try to pull his partner into spontaneous adventures, whether it's playing soccer, going to new places, or doing something completely out of the ordinary. His partner would need to be ready for unpredictability!

Despite his playful and sometimes wild personality, Bachira is a team player and would be a supportive partner. He would encourage his significant other to follow their passions, and even if things get tough, he'd cheer them on with a smile. His positive attitude would help keep the relationship feeling upbeat

Rin Itoshi

Rin is emotionally closed off and tends to keep his feelings to himself, so a relationship with him would require patience. He's not someone who easily opens up, and he might take a while to trust his partner fully. It would take time to break through his cold exterior and show him that it's okay to be vulnerable. Loyal and Protective (Once He's Involved)Once Rin is committed to someone, he would be fiercely loyal and protective. His sense of duty and responsibility extends to his relationships, and he would do whatever it takes to support his partner, even if he doesn't always express it in the most conventional ways

Rin's life revolves around soccer, and that drive can sometimes consume him. A relationship with Rin would need to fit into his intense schedule and ambitious goals. He might not always have time for his partner, but when he does, he would expect them to understand and respect his dedication to the sport

While he may not be the most outgoing or playful partner, Rin enjoys simple, quiet moments. The relationship would likely involve spending time together in peace, such as watching soccer games, training together, or just being around each other in silence. His partner would need to understand that his focus on soccer doesn't mean he doesn't value them

Enjoy!

I WANT TONS OF REQUESTS I NEED TO DO ANYTHING RELATED TO BLUELOCK I WILL SPEND MY ENERGY ON THIS

[itslikesearcingforsomething]

elephant in the room

now if we’re being serious, what is about to happen with stranger things is incredibly important for queer people all around the world in our reality today. i’m not comparing it to legal actions but representation is extremely significant and sometimes even more than reforms, because being queer legally doesn’t equal being socially acceptable. with that, i’d like to make my point clear, stranger things has the opportunity to make a real impact on current state of society.

i don’t say anything about actors here, because it’s not what my blog is about, but i would betray my own beliefs and appear hypocritical if i won’t mention one issue, actor that plays the most important character in this context being a zionist, that makes a lot of people hard to relate and feel for will byers, wich is valid. we’re people and we feel conflicted about most things in life, especially when it comes to politics, everything is political. i know that majority of our byler fandom supports this actor, i don’t. i won’t discuss this, but read the rest, it’s not my main point.

with that being said, stranger things just ended filming. no matter what we think, writers already did the thing. honest to heart, i’m really anxious. i’m stressed out thinking how did they handle everything? how did they make a choice, what kind of? ten years of hard work and millions of viewers, the stakes are high. i feel like stranger things in s5 will do a lot of tip toeing around, slowly getting GA warmer and warmer for the big “plot” wich is byler endgame. they have a lot of work and pressure, it leaves me wondering how good they did. they have to make will byers very likeable, so everyone can empathise with him, root for him. they have to make mike’s subtle internal conflict (for byler audience it’s clear) really well written and direct at the same time. they have to make mileven break up right, without damaging characters of eleven, will and mike. it’s hard, it’s scary. i don’t think any show this big did something like that. the power that we have now in our lack of knowledge of what will be in season five is huge. let’s cherish this calm before the storm.

[tiger333k]

there are a lot of people complaining about Arcane season 2, and yes, I get it, it is a bit rushed at times and it would do well if they did a little extra explaining on some parts but honestly it feels like people are just nitpicking sometimes

example: just saw a video about someone complaining about ep7 about Powder and Ekko getting together, and just, wtf??? yes, I know it's because of Ekko's tip that vi died and I know the characters should've it weird when Ekko woke up and just started pointing about things in the past that they really don't want to be reminded of... but if you found this a problem you really didn't watch the show. the main theme about this alternate universe is forgiveness, powder forgave Ekko (though tbh, it was really Vi's plan to go rob someone the whole time), vander and silco forgave each other etc etc. alt Ekko was slaving away at this project when Ekko (firelight) got thrust into his body. powder said it herself, genius and insanity go hand in hand, Ekko saying random things like this probably wasn't even a surprise. also saw a thumbnail where Ekko and powder were kissing and they put 'cheating' beside the image. hopefully I won't have to explain how stupid this is.

Ekko didnt just kiss powder and go 'I can fix jinx'. he doesn't want to change jinx into powder, he even admits that jinx has something good that powder doesn't, jinx's ideas can change the world. what Ekko learned from the alt universe and powder is forgiveness, to look at the past and move forward, leaving a few things behind, leaving behind hate, anger, for the present, for the future. he learned to forgive jinx, so they could build something new.

also adding the fact that it wasn't vi's death that changed everything, it was the act of a child, the fact that someone had been killed that points out how dangerous hextech is, and that's why it was never developed.

personal opinion here, I don't think it was just the death and the letter that changed everything, I think it was little details leading up to the moment silco forgave vander, the moment everything went right. it wasn't one spontaneous event that changed it. we don't know what happened in the alt universe, we don't know if the fight went differently, or if slico had done anything different... maybe he never developed shimmer, maybe he wasn't so set on revenge. we don't know, so maybe don't jump to conclusions so quickly?

another point: jinx didn't just magically lose her trauma because of Isha, dunno what you guys were thinking.

jinx in season one had obvious mental issues, and we always see her drowning out the noise with blaring music. the reason why she was like that was because of her internal conflict, of powder and jinx clashing. jinx was trying to forget the past, and powder was the one that kept remembering it. powder was the one that kept trying to insist it wasn't her fault. powder was the one that held on to everything, and jinx hated powder. and in S1E9 we see her let powder die.

she accepts that she is a jinx to people she loves. the voices stop calling her a jinx, because she already knows this. she accepts this. jinx ruin everything. jinx is a curse. it isn't a case where some kid comes in and changes everything, jinx isn't healed in season 2, she just accepts that she is a catastrophe.

the only thing Isha changes is that jinx learns to love powder through Isha, and maybe even lets a bit of powder come back through. and that's why, when Isha is thrown into Stillwater, the voices come back before jinx takes control again.

three: Caitlyn was done dirty, her entire character was ooc

no it was not. you just saw it through a different lens and decided you didn't like it.

like it or not, Cait has always been privileged. she goes where she wants, does what she likes because she has the kirramman family name to protect her. Marcus says it himself in S1, we just chose to ignore it because that's when cait was doing what we thought was right, investigating and helping Vi, although she was not an enforcer, had no right to be there, we liked it because, well, because we hate Marcus, and she was actually doing something right back then

till season 2, where she gasses Zaun, goes all hitler, and... acts exactly how she acted in S1. she does what she wants, goes where she likes, to achieve one thing: get revenge on jinx.

cait has never lost a parent, she has never learned to cope with such a loss, so she reacts in a wrong way, reacts so drastically that we feel is out of character, its not. we merely see her previous traits painted in a different light and y'all decided you hate it.

I could go on forever honestly, but these three points got on my nerves the most, so I decided to say something about it. there.

this is way too long, my god.

[transgender-mothman]

Maybe your biggest concern should just be playing with people who vibe with your style and not worrying about how or why other people do it the way they do if it’s not effecting you in any way?

If someone is being a jerk about it, sure, go off! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with deep discussions about rules, or following them to the letter, or even having (good natured) arguments about a play choice. But just like playing house rules in Monopoly, or doing your own version of hopscotch, there’s nothing wrong with taking what you like and turning the volume down on the rest.

Unless you are playing in a professional or otherwise regulated setting like at your LGS, and everyone is in agreement, it’s fine to do your own thing. I am not here for people being jerks in any game spaces, so by all means, stop someone if they’re being a Problem™. I feel very strongly that you should play at a table that suits what you want out of the game. And that you should, as a DM, discuss this stuff with your players and see what everyone wants to get out of the campaign.

There is still a lot to gain from playing any ttrpg while still being lenient with rules (be it for rule of cool, or home brew, or just omitting things you don’t like). There are set skills, set things you can do, methods to resolve conflict, and additional impetus to advance the story beyond just roleplay. Not everyone is comfortable doing everything off the dome, and a game like d&d, used even with some leniency and wiggle room, offers some structure and building blocks that can make jumping into roleplaying a lot less intimidating. There is a book to read and reference. You can get an idea how the system works, how games flow, and build based off the knowledge you have and tweak as you and your table see fit. And that’s to say nothing of how having a rubric can help (not entirely prevent, but help!) avoid people who just want to continuously one up and have More Powers Than You At All Times. And you have the fun of randomized results due to stats and dice rolls, so things go in different directions than they would just writing or role playing without a ttrpg structure.

For clarification, I’ve been running 5e for the better part of a decade now (plus forays into other systems), and my campaigns are very story and character heavy… and I am lenient about rules, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there. Depending on the campaign, the players, and the length/frequency of play, sometimes myself and my players feel it’s best to sand down some edges and play a little softball for the sake of time, flow, and fun. And sometimes people come up with super creative and cool ways to use skills or spells or mechanics that are unconventional, and for the sake of everyone having a good time, it’s a fun to bend the rules a bit just to get the pop from the group and make the gang happy.

There’s no ignoring the rules en masse in my case, I’m still running D&D. Sometimes it’s just allowing things to ride for the drama/cool of it in a scene, or just deciding campaign x doesn’t require mechanic y. It’s all in fun, and so long as my players have a good time and we tell a good story, that’s what matters at my table. I do require people to read the PHB, but not everything applies to every campaign, so I provide abridged reading or clarify what I want people to absorb and what to leave.

Am I gonna be running any professional games? Nah. Am I the best DM? Nope. Do I feel my way to play is superior? No! But I don’t think it’s inferior either because the value is in how much everyone enjoys playing together. Just play with whoever suits your style and vibe and have fun. It’s a game, it’s not that serious.

I think an important part of the "D&D is easy to learn" argument is that a lot of those people don't actually know how to play D&D. They know they need to roll a d20 and add some numbers and sometimes they need to roll another type of die for damage. A part of it is the culture of basically fucking around and letting the GM sort it out. Players don't actually feel the need to learn the rules.

Now I don't think the above actually counts as knowing the rules. D&D is a relatively crunchy game that actually rewards system mastery and actually learning how to play D&D well, as in to make mechanically informed tactical decisions and utilizing the mechanics to your advantage, is actually a skill that needs to be learned and cultivated. None of that is to say that you need to be a perfectly tuned CharOp machine to know how to play D&D. But to actually start to make the sorts of decisions D&D as a game rewards you kind of need to know the rules.

And like, a lot of people don't seem to know the rules. They know how to play D&D in the most abstract sense of knowing that they need to say things and sometimes the person scowling at them from behind the screen will ask them to roll a die. But that's hardly engaging with the mechanics of the game, like the actual game part.

And to paraphrase @prokopetz this also contributes to the impression that other games are hard to learn: because a lot of other games don't have the same culture of play of D&D so like instead of letting new players coast by with a shallow understanding of the rules and letting the GM do all the work, they ask players to start making mechanically informed decisions right away. Sure, it can suck for onboarding, but learning from your mistakes can often be a great way to learn.

[osohchoso]

Under the Mistletoe

bf!Choso x Reader

“I just don't get what the big deal is about this Christmas thing.” He admits, his eyes flicking back to the screen for a brief second. Then it hits you. Sometimes you forget that there are still many things that feel foreign to the half-curse. Things that you grew up with and felt natural to you. Your sweet boyfriend has never experienced this magical winter holiday.

Content: fluff, fluff and more FLUFF, reader has no given gender or description, no use of y/n, established relationship, reader is homesick, reader is implied sorcerer, comfort, christmas and winter activities, pet names (baby, babe, love), found family, a bit cheesy, links to Twitter for visuals :)

SFW!

WC: 7.2k

December 1st

You and Choso are cuddling together on the couch as your fireplace crackles in the background, filling the house with a comfortable warmth that contrasts from the chilly outdoors. Eyes glued to the TV screen as you watch the first Christmas movie of the year. A large quilt wrapped around both of you, hands locked together beneath the blanket. His calloused thumb caresses the back of your hand, the only sign he was still awake. The warmth from his body acts as your personal heater as you lean your head against his shoulder. You exhale a pleasant sigh, this is exactly what you needed.

This would be your first year spending the holidays away from family. Now that December has come, you can’t stop thinking about how much you miss them. Christmas was always such a big deal back home, but you weren't able to accrue enough time off to fly back home. Last year you moved across the country for a job position at Jujutsu Tech, personally picked by Satoru Gojo himself. So you picked up and moved, essentially starting a whole new life. As scary as it was, you were welcomed into their community, making friends quickly with the other sorcerers and students. Through them, you also met your loving boyfriend Choso. Whose cheek is currently pressed against the top of your head as he stares at the TV screen. 

“I just don't get it,” he mutters suddenly, more to himself than you.

“Get what baby?” You ask as he lifts his head, your gaze meeting his conflicted brown eyes.

“This” he waves his free hand wildly toward the movie you put on in hopes of curing your winter blues. 

“Oh? You don’t understand the movie?” You ask, cocking your head. You thought it was a pretty straight forward story, it was a children’s movie after all. Before you can open your mouth to break down the plot of the animated film, he interrupts you.

“I just don't get what the big deal is about this Christmas thing.” He admits, his eyes flicking back to the screen for a brief second. Then it hits you. Sometimes you forget that there are still many things that feel foreign to the half-curse. Things that you grew up with and felt natural to you. Your sweet boyfriend has never experienced this magical winter holiday.

“Oh! Christmas? It’s a holiday Cho. It happens once every year during December. It’s a special celebration where you gather with your loved ones and make lots of memories.” 

“And…you're required to bring the trees in the house?” He points to the screen as the characters decorate a Christmas tree, a skeptical look on his face causing you to giggle. 

“There is more than just that. It’s baking cookies and giving gifts, parties and hot cocoa!” As you gush about your favorite traditions, you feel a spark set off inside you. Igniting the Christmas spirit that the dreary weather had locked away from you, thawing the excitement you used to feel toward this season. “Most importantly, it's about spending time with family.” You add.

“I still don't think I fully understand.” He sighs, scratching the back of his neck as he processes your words. 

That's when you realize, you don’t have to fly all the way back home to celebrate. Choso is your family now, and he’s right here. With the cutest confused look plastered to his face as he waits for you to reply. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you.” You smile warmly before leaning in to plant a light kiss to his cheek. 

After 150 years, Choso would be celebrating his first Christmas.

December 8th

Both you and Choso were lucky enough to only work a half day today. Warnings of a looming snowstorm caused the school to close early, wanting the students and staff to take necessary precautions. The two of you decide to head back to your place together after leaving Jujutsu Tech, snow already lightly falling. He opens the front door for you, always such a gentleman, and follows you inside.

“Can we watch another Christmas Movie?” He asks slightly excited before he's even finished sliding his boots off. His sudden interest in the holiday catches you by surprise. You have both been so busy with work the past week you haven’t had any time to relax together, let alone indulge in some holiday festivities. 

“Sure Choso.” You smile as you lead him over to the couch, throwing a couple blankets over the two of you. You find another holiday classic and press play.

“Yuji told me about Christmas,” he mentions, eyes glued to the screen. “It sounds very fun and I can’t wait to celebrate it with you.” He whispers as he presses his lips to your temple in a soft kiss. His sweet words warm your soul. 

“Me too Cho. I’m glad I get to spend my Christmas with you.” You melt into his embrace as the movie plays. 

“I've been researching it. Christmas” he explains. “It’s something you love, so I want to know all there is about it.” He admits. How did you end up with such a thoughtful man?

As the movie continues, you notice Choso paying attention less and less, his eyes drawn to the heavy snow falling outside your window. Eventually, he ignored the movie completely, the movie he requested to watch. Mesmerized by the falling specks of white. You reach for the remote to pause the film. 

“Baby, you aren’t even watching” you laugh slightly, elbowing him in the side.

“Sorry. It's just…look.” He doesnt turn back to you as he speaks, eyes still watching the window. His index finger pointing. “It’s beautiful.” He exhales dreamily. The way he speaks about the weather, something so common this type of year, makes you smile wide. 

“It is isn't it. Do you want to go outside and watch?” You ask. 

“Yes! Can we?” He nods furiously, excited with the chance to see his first snowfall up close, to observe it fall from the sky. 

The two of you stand and move toward the door. He reaches for the door handle to rush out but you stop him. He looks at you, confused and cocking his head to the side. First you offer to go outside and now you're telling him no.

“Wait, you need to bundle up first. I don't want you to catch a cold.” You grab a knit beanie and slip it over his pigtails, making the hat bulge awkwardly from the amount of hair stuffed underneath. Then wrapping a red scarf around his neck and face, making sure it stays snug against his cheeks. You repeat the same process for yourself before allowing him to exit the house. 

Once outside, he stares up at the sky. Snow collects on his dark lashes as he watches it fall from the source. Struck by fascination. He doesn't speak a word, just watches the powder fall to earth, and you can't help but watch him in return. The way he gazes up with child-like wonder. 

A light bulb flashes in your head. You walk across the yard, Choso not even noticing your disappearance. Reaching down, you scoop up a handful of snow. An icy chill spreading through your bare fingers. Smashing it together to form a tight ball and tossing it directly into his side. He flinches and turns at you, an almost startled look on his face.

“What the heck was that for?” he tilts his head to the side, almost looking offended by your attack.

“Time for a snowball fight!” you declare as you reach down and grab another handful, packing the ball and launching at his stomach. He lets out a small huff before bending down to mimic your actions, tossing it back. Of course, his aim is perfect. Not once failing to miss his target, you. No matter how much you try and dodge, they all land. While you throw them with all your might, Choso tosses them gently. Like he's afraid one wrong throw would break you. Treating you like you're more fragile than a glass sculpture.

“Ok truce, truce!” you throw your freezing hands up, he drops the snowball he had been preparing in his hands. You jog back to his side, seeing his bangs poke out from under the beanie, caked in the falling snow. Reaching up, your fingers brush against the brown strands, shaking it free of the white powder clinging to it. The scarf loosened, revealing his smiling face, his nose and cheeks tinted a bright red from the winter wind.

“Let's go inside my pretty boy.”

December 10th

You enter Jujutsu Tech in the morning, walking to the break room and making a pot of coffee for you and the other staff members. Once it is brewed you pour yourself a mug and walk down the hall toward the classrooms. You notice Yuji as he enters the building, alone. Him and Choso always arrive together. Seeing him walk in alone is just odd.

“Yuji? Where is your brother?” You ask, sipping from the mug, trying to distract yourself from the concern brewing in your stomach. 

“Um…Choso caught a cold.” He says sheepishly. Your instincts were right to worry. Of course he did, and of course he wouldn't tell you. He has a bad habit of hiding his issues from you so you won't worry. He hates to see you worry, especially if it’s about him. Probably even begged his younger brother not to tell you, but Yuji knew better than to keep secrets from you. 

“Thanks for telling me” You say softly to Yuji, smiling as you pat his shoulder. 

You decide to just work another half day today, dismissing the students early. They have been working hard these last few months, and with Christmas break fast approaching you decided to take it easy on them. They deserved some rest time too. Gathering your things, you leave quickly and make your way to Choso’s place. 

You stopped at a convenience store on the way, making sure to pick up some cold fighting essentials. You can’t help but feel partially at fault. Just two days ago you were both outside playing in the snow. While you made sure to layer him in winter clothing beforehand, you may have stayed out a little too long. 

You unlace your boots and shed your winter layers when you enter the front door, tossing them onto the bench in the entryway. An earth shattering sneeze coming from the bedroom makes you jump out of your skin, the noise leading to Choso’s bedroom. Walking down the hall to his room, plastic bed crinkling in hand with each movement.

Peering into his room, you see him lying in his bed, bed sheets pulled up to his chin. Noticing your footsteps, he turns on his side to look at you. The poor boy is in a rough state. His hair messy as it lays spread over his pillow and his cheeks slightly flushed. His nose is red and angry, raw from the tissues. A big, dramatic pout on his lips when his eyes fall on your form.

“You got sick?” You ask as you walk forward and sit on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on his back through the blankets. He nods, almost disappointed looking.

“Yuji said I have a cold.” His voice is so rough and raspy it makes you wince. “What if I'm not better in time for Christmas?” he looks up at you, wide eyed and slightly panicked. 

“It’s common this time of year Cho, the cold changing weather seems to bring it on for a lot of people.” You speak softly as you continue to rub his back through the blanket. “Don’t worry, it should only last a few days.”

“You shouldn’t be here, you could get sick too,” he frowns. While that is true, you don’t care right now. Not when your poor boyfriend looks as miserable as he does, fighting the first cold of his lifetime. Catching his sickness was a risk you were willing to take. 

“I’m here to make you feel better.” You whisper, pressing your lips to his forehead in a feather-light kiss. No fever, that’s good. He opens his mouth to protest again but breaks off in a fit of painful coughs. Your hands firmly rubbing his back as he works through it. Once he stops, he looks at you with glassy eyes. A look of defeat and acceptance as he shifts over in his bed to make room next to him.

“Here, sit up” You ask, and he complies. Adjusting so his back is against the headboard. You rustle around in the bag and pull out some medicine and a cold bottle of water. When you place the pills in his hand, he looks at you with unease. This is all a new and unpleasant experience for him.

“Trust me, it will help.” You murmur, holding out the water bottle for him. 

“I do trust you” He rasps, popping the pills in his mouth and washing them down with cool water, easing his throat.

“Try not to talk so much, you're just going to make your throat worse.” He responds with a nod. 

After he eats a bowl of warm chicken noodle soup, the two of you lay down in bed as yet another animated Christmas movie plays on the screen. The fatigue must have finally caught up to him. His head resting against your shoulder as the rest of his body leans on you like dead weight. Congested snores leaving his open mouth. 

As you look at him, it's hard to believe that a man so big and strong can look so small and vulnerable at this moment. You lay him down to settle comfortably on his bed, tucking him in nice and tight. 

“My poor big baby” you whisper to no one but yourself as your fingers brush a strand of hair out of his face. For a slight moment, you catch his lips twitch into a quick smile, reacting to your touch even in his sleep.

December 14th

Thanks to your care, Choso is back to normal in no time, and luckily you also dodged the bullet of catching his cold. He joins you back at work by the end of the week, sitting in the breakroom together on lunch break. A few of the other teachers and staff are also eating with you.

“I just feel bad.” Shoko’s voice catches your attention. You notice her shoving a tomato in her salad bowl around with her fork. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask her, taking a bite of your sandwich. 

“A lot of the students here won’t be able to go home for the holidays, and some just don't have family to return to if they wanted.” She lets out a long sigh.

“It’s not just the students.” Satoru continues. “I know neither of you are going home, and I’m staying right here too.” His fingers drum on the table in thought.

“It’s rough. I really miss my family, Christmas was such a big thing for us” You pout, setting your sandwich down. Suddenly you don’t feel hungry anymore, the homesickness striking your stomach. While you were thankful you get to spend the holiday with your boyfriend, you still yearn for the comfort of home. You can feel Choso’s gaze on you without even looking at him.

“Who says we can’t celebrate Christmas with friends?” Choso asks quietly, chewing his food. Everyone turns to look at him. Noticing he has everyone’s attention, he freezes. “Did I say something wrong?” he asks quickly with pink tinted cheeks. Looking from Satoru, Shoko then finally to you.

“No! That's a great idea Cho!” You exclaim, throwing your arms around him in a hug.

“Yeah, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Let's throw a party! And do something nice for the students too!” Satoru jumps up from his seat and yells. 

“Great idea, we are practically all family here anyway” Shoko gives a small smile.

“I'll host it at my house!” You offer, excited to have everyone over and celebrating with you. This will fill the void of missing home. 

At the end of the day, all the staff and students who are staying home this holiday gather in one room. You and Satoru seem to have the most excitement out of anyone here, explaining the plans quickly and watching the smiles grow on the student’s faces. 

“And no presents, just show up and have a good time with everyone” You tell them, not wanting the students to have to spend a dime. You and the rest of the staff will have everything covered, you just want everyone to enjoy each other's company. The way the holidays should be spent.

And you will do everything in your power to make sure they have the perfect Christmas. 

“But what if we did secret santa?” Nobara questions, hand on her hip as she looks directly at you. Yuji stands next to her shaking his head vigorously in agreement. 

“Great idea!” Satoru chimes in before you have a chance to respond. You have to admit it’s not a bad idea. As long as everyone keeps it simple and no one goes overboard, it should be fine. 

“Sure, we can do secret santa. But no other gifts! And keep it under 25 dollars” you explain as Shoko passes around a slip of paper for everyone to write their name on and a few ideas of things they want. 

“Um…what’s secret santa?” Choso whispers in your ear so only you can hear, likely embarrassed by yet another holiday activity he doesn’t understand.

“It’s kinda like a gift giving game” you start to explain, writing your name on the paper. “You will randomly get assigned a person to bring a gift for, but you have to keep it a surprise. Don’t let them know it’s you though.” He nods his head then starts to scribble his name on this slip of paper. Satoru then collects everyone’s and puts them inside a cowboy hat (why he had that in his office, no one knows). He walks around and holds the hat out for everyone to draw a name.

You reach inside, feeling around and plucking out a paper between two fingers. Opening it, you see the neat letters spelling out NOBARA inside. Along with a lengthy list of items she wants.

Choso reaches in next, dark brows drawn together as he focuses. It’s almost as if picking out the paper slip was more important than any mission he’s ever been sent on. Finally, he picks one. Pulling it out and slowly unfolding the note. You watch as he reads the name, a wide toothy grin spreads across his face. 

Wonder who he pulled?

December 16th

With Christmas barely over a week away you have been spending much of your free time preparing your home. Dusting every nook and cranny, polishing the windows until they were shinier than the north star. It was a bit excessive, but it was the first time you would have everyone from the school in your house all at once. You needed it to be perfect. 

All that's left to do is decorate. Red and green totes sit in the living room unopened. All filled with Christmas decorations your parent’s sent with you when you moved. You haven't even peeked inside, no clue what sort of things they may have given you. You were waiting on Choso and Yuji to come back, that way the three of you could decorate together. 

You forgot that this is also Yuji’s first Christmas with his big brother, you needed to share. The two of them need time to create their own special memories. Which is why today, you sent the pair on a mission. A mission to find and bring home the perfect tree from the Christmas tree farm. Even though Choso still thinks it's a bit ridiculous to bring nature inside.

While today wasn't particularly snowy, it was still chilly. Hopefully they won’t come back as two human popsicles. You stand at the stove stirring a pot of chocolate and milk, watching the ingredients swirl together. Preparing a sweet surprise to warm them up when they return. You also prepared the fireplace for them to thaw their frozen fingers. 

As you finish the hot chocolate and pour it into three mugs, the front door opens. The brothers carry the tree in together, then lean it against the wall so they can take their boots and coats off. As Choso peels off his layers, he reveals the purple knitted sweater underneath. The one your mom sent as an early present for him, a little too small as it clings to his sculpted muscles. It makes you smile to see him wearing the handmade gift. 

“Hot chocolate!?” Yuji exclaims as he runs over to you, your hands extended out with a mug for each of them. You nod, and Yuji takes it. Eagerly taking the first sip and letting out a relieved sigh. Choso walks up to you, taking the mug from your hands and wrapping his fingers around it.

“Thank you” he whispers, pressing his icy nose to your cheek to nuzzle against your warm skin. Even with his still frozen body, you can feel the warmth of his happy smile radiate on you. He takes the first sip, a low hum as he savors the taste. “Mmmm…this is really good” 

Once the boys were thoroughly warmed up, it was time to begin decorating. They set the tree up in the corner, a beautiful blue spruce. Its large triangle shape fits perfectly in the spot you picked out for it. 

“What do you think?” Yuji asks you, taking a step back as he admires their tree. Choso still adjusting it so it stands the way he invisions. 

“It's perfect, the best Christmas tree I’ve ever seen.” You smile at the pink-haired boy.

“Choso picked it out. He saw this one and said ‘it’’s the one’” Yuji imitates his brother’s deep voice as he copies his words. Choso overhears and quickly looks away, pretending to still be busy with situating the already perfect looking tree. The tips of his ears turning pink.

You leave the boys to decorate the tree, letting them rummage through the boxes of Christmas ornaments and fumble with the tangled string of lights. The two of them smile and laugh amongst themselves as they work. An occasional cuss as they poke their finger on a needle.  

A Christmas playlist emanating from the speakers. You sing along as you put up the other decorations. Hanging up garland and strings of dried oranges in the hallways, lights in the window and wreaths on the door. Three stockings hung up on the fireplace, your name along with Choso and Yuji’s printed on the front. Even though you three agreed to no presents, that wouldn’t stop you from filling their stockings to the brim. You already planned to spoil them with their favorite snacks and other things they enjoy. 

A surprised gasp from Choso catches your attention, you rush over to him and see him cradling a small ornament in his hands. Looking down at it with a big smile. 

“What is it?” You ask, trying to catch a glimpse of what he's holding so delicately, but he moves, holding the ornament out of view as he continues to stare with a big goofy grin. 

“Babe…” He trails off, his eyes looking from the ornament then to you. “Is this you?” He finally turns it around to show you. A printed baby picture of you inside a snowman shaped frame, you weren't even a year old yet. Red letters at the bottom have your birth year and ‘First Christmas’ written on it. 

“That is so embarrassing” you mumble, honestly you thought your parents would have kept that for their own tree instead of sending it with you. “You don’t have to put it on the tree.” You try to swipe it out of his hand but he holds it up higher.

“Nu uh. This is so cute. It’s definitely going on.” He steps away from your reaching arms and hangs it up high, admiring your baby face with a smile. 

Once all the ornaments are hung, you plug in the lights strung around it. The three of you standing back to admire it. Twinkling brightly in the corner of the room. Choso stands in the middle, wrapping an arm around you and Yuji. His two favorite people in the world. 

“It’s beautiful” You smile as you gaze on the most perfect Christmas tree you ever set eyes on, the star shining brightly at the top.

“Yeah” Is all Choso manages to say, though his eyes are on you instead of the tree. 

After a moment of silence, Yuji speaks up.

“Let's take a picture together!”

December 24th

Christmas eve is here and everything for the party is ready for tomorrow. You felt like a little kid who couldn't wait until morning to see what Santa brought. To make things more exciting, Choso decided to stay the night tonight. He said Christmas morning wouldn’t feel right if he didn't wake up with his family. 

Yuji had also planned to stay the night, but decided at the last minute to have a sleepover with Megumi and the other students instead. You could tell Choso wanted to tell him no, but let him anyway. He can never deny his brother anything. Plus, Yuji promised to be here first thing in the morning.

You and the other staff decided to each make a dish for the party, you and Choso getting assigned dessert duty. Tonight, the two of you planned to bake gingerbread cookies together. All the ingredients are laid out on the counter as you reach for two aprons. You tie one around yourself first, then grab the other and turn to Choso who is standing in the kitchen watching you with a way too serious look. You throw the loop around his head then move behind him, reaching your hands around his waist to tie the strings in a neat little bow. 

“I look ridiculous” he grumbles, his fingers tugging at the slightly frilly ends. 

“No, you look cute” You wrap your arms around him in a hug, chest pressed against his back. 

“Are you sure this is necessary?” He asks, looking over his shoulder at you with uncertinty. 

“Yup. Don’t want your clothes to get dirty.” The clothes could easily be washed after, you know this. But seeing Choso in the pink and frilly apron just makes your heart flutter.

“Whatever.” He sighs, leaning into your hug and relaxing a bit.

The two of you work away at making the cookies. Holding a hand mixer, you mix the molasses into the batter. The thick and sticky substance dancing around the bow with the other ingredients. 

“Next we need the flour mixture, can you add that, Cho?” With the mixer still in hand, you angle your head toward the glass bowl containing the flour and mixed in spices. He nods and reaches for it, tilting the bowl to pour it into the one you're stirring. A little too fast it seems as a puff of powdery smoke hits you right in the face. 

“Too fast Choso!” you cough out the flour as you slow the mixer to a stop. He laughs and grabs your chin gently with his fingers, turning you to look at him. The thumb on his other hand wipes away the flour clinging to your face. 

“Sorry” He struggles to stop his laughter as he cleans your face off.

Once the dough is complete, Choso uses the rolling pin to flatten it. His forearm muscles flexing as he rolls it out. The two of you cut out the gingerbread and place them on a cookie sheet, into the oven they go. The fragrant smell of cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg wafting through the air as they bake.

In the meantime, you prepare the icing. Whisking together milk and powdered sugar to create frosting thick enough to pipe. You set the whisk into the sink, only turning your back for a moment but when you look back you caught Choso red handed. His finger in the bowl as he scoops out a glob, then quickly pops the finger in his mouth to taste the sweet icing. He doesn't realize you were watching and his finger darts back in for a second taste.

“Hey!” you smack his hand before it makes contact for the frosting. His face turns red as he gives you a sheepish smile, caught in the act. “Save some for the cookies Cho!” you laugh. 

With the cookies now cool, the two of you begin to decorate. Piping eyes and cute little smiles on their gingerbread faces. Adding hearts as buttons. You had to admit, they were looking so cute. Looking over at Choso, who has remained quiet for some time, you notice the intense concentration on his face as he decorates. His eyes narrowed and brows furrowed as his hand delicately squeezed the piping bag. You want to ask what he's creating but you are afraid of breaking his focus and messing him up.

“Look” he finally says, turning the cookie around to reveal his masterpiece. It was a cookie version of Yuji! An almost perfect replica. Complete with his spiky hair and school uniform. Even a crack in the cookie to replicate the scar over his eyebrow.

“Wow! That's so amazing, I had no clue you were an artist Choso.” You exclaim with a smile.

“Thanks” he says shyly, setting cookie Yuji with the rest of your completed cookies. He picks up the next one, his focus returning as he creates more. Probably wanting to make Megumi and Nobara too. 

You grab another blank cookie, an idea forming in your brain. Using the icing as glue, you stick together matching spikes crafted from cookie scraps on either side of the gingerbread man’s head. Choso is off in his own world, not even paying attention. Leaving you to work on your creation unquestioned. You carefully piped the icing, occasionally looking up to glance at your muse across the table. Once you finished, you turned it over to show him. 

“Choso, look what I made” you say to get his attention, his eyes widen as they scan the details of the cookie. The line across the face, the twin pigtails. 

“You made…me?” he says surprised, pointing at himself. 

“Yes” You smile, and watch as he unveils his most recent creation to you. Your own cookie mini-me. Every detail was placed with care, and you have to admit, he did a great job replicating you.

Once all the cookies were decorated to the nines and the kitchen cleaned, the two of you started to unwind in bed, yet another Christmas movie playing on the TV. Changed into a pair of matching pajamas. Red fleece with a pattern of tiny snowflakes and snowmen. It was kinda cheesy, but you wanted Choso to experience the full Christmas morning experience. To your surprise, he absolutely loved the idea of wearing matching pjs with you.

Cozy and warm, Choso drifts to sleep under the mountain of blankets before reaching the halfway point of the movie. A peaceful expression on his face, leaving you to wonder if visions of sugar-plums danced in his head. 

As quiet as a mouse, you crept out of bed. Grabbing the items hidden away in the closet and walking out to the living room. There by the fireplace, three stockings hung with care. You fill Yuji’s with his favorite snacks and a couple gift cards. Inside of Choso’s you place the same, but with the addition of one extra special wrapped gift. 

You can’t wait to see the look on his face when he opens it tomorrow.

December 25th

“Wake up!” Choso’s excited voice jolts you awake, peeling open your sleepy eyelids. He has you caged under him, a giant smile plastered to his face and his bed hair falling messily around him. Like a child waking up their parents on Christmas morning. “Good morning sleepy head” He coos, bending his head down to pepper your cheek in kisses. 

“Good morning Cho” you say groggily, stretching your arms out. 

“You gotta get up! It’s Christmas!” He pokes your cheek a few times, like it’s a button that will make you move faster. As he looks down on you with his charming smile, you can’t help but smile back. His happiness is infectious. It’s hard to believe that 25 days ago, this man didn’t have a clue what Christmas was. Now look at him.

“Okay okay, get off me so I can get up” You laugh, he immediately steps off the bed and holds a hand out for you. You place your hand in his palm as he hoists you up and out, pulling you into his chest and wrapping you in a tight hug. 

“Merry Christmas, love” he murmurs onto the top of your head..

“Merry Christmas” You echo, savouring the warmth of his hug.

“Come on! I have a surprise for you!” He breaks the hug and reaches for your hand, dragging you out of the bedroom. He pulls you past the illuminated tree and into the kitchen. The smell of freshly baked cinnamon rolls fills the air. The smell transports you back to your childhood, your mother always would bake a batch of cinnamon rolls with orange glaze every Christmas morning. But that was something you never mentioned, Choso couldn't have possibly known that. Right?

He hands you a plate with a large cinnamon roll, your mouth watering. You don’t even wait to sit down for the first bite, fingers sticky with icing as you lift it to your lips. Teeth sinking into the still warm baked good. The sweet flavors coat your palette, and somehow they tasted exactly like your Mom’s famous treats. Her secret recipe that she refused to pass onto anyone, not even you. 

“Choso…” you trail off, setting the cinnamon roll down on the plate and turning your gaze to his. He watches you full of pride and love. “How..” you start to ask, wanting to know how on earth he knew to make these, but he cuts you off.

“Come on” he says, one hand on your shoulder as he leads you over to the dining table. Your laptop propped open in front of two chairs. The second you can view the screen, you see them. Your parents.

“Merry Christmas honey!” they exclaim as you take a seat in front of them. A few tears spilling from your eye you didn't know were forming. 

This was Choso’s big surprise. Ever so observant, he saw how much you were missing home and how much you wanted to see your family. He set the whole morning up, with help from your mom of course. He wanted you to be able to eat breakfast with your family just like you used to, no matter how far away they were. 

His mom even taught him how to make her cinnamon rolls you loved so much, that way all of you could enjoy the same breakfast at the same time. Separated by a computer screen that felt barely there in the moment. It was like you teleported back home, eating with the family again. 

After breakfast, it was Choso’s turn to get emotional. 

The two of you sit on the floor in front of the Chtistmas tree, feeling like two little kids digging through your stockings. You were surprised to see he filled yours as well. Candy and your favorite collectable trinkets. He digs through his, making sure to mutter a ‘thank you’ for every little item he finds inside. 

He pulls out the last item, the small wrapped box you placed inside last night. He holds it up, tossing a skeptical look your way.

“Thought we agreed to no presents?” he asks.

“I think it’s a bit too late for that.” you point to the contents from both of your stockings. He says nothing in response, knowing you're right. Neither of you ever had any intention of following the ‘no presents’ rule. “Just open it” you urge him. 

His fingers slowly pull on the delicate ribbon until it falls away, then ripping away the wrapping paper. A small red box inside. He lifts off the lid and he stops. Momentarily stunned as he stares at the contents inside. Then, the waterworks start. Drops slipping from his eyes as he holds up the small ornament. 

“Thank you! I love it.” he sniffles, wiping away the ever falling tears. You found the small snowman ornament online, one that was identical to yours and able to hold a picture inside. Inside the frame was a picture of you and Choso, standing in front of the freshly decorated tree. Your hand writing at the bottom saying ‘our first Christmas’ in red.

Your intention wasn't to make him cry, and you almost felt bad seeing him in this blubbering state. But your worries melt away as he pulls you in close, burying his face into the crook of your neck until the tears slow. He was always such a big softie, even though he pretends not to be.

“Thank you, this means so much to me” he whispers once he's calmed back down. Standing up to place his gift on the tree next to your matching first Christmas ornament. 

Later that evening, the party is in full swing. Yuji and Nobara each with an arm linked around a grumpy Megumi, matching sweaters on the three of them. Maki and Yuta watch as Toge and Panda dance wildly to Rockin’ around the Christmas tree. Shoko scolds a tummy-aching Satoru for eating too many sweets after dinner. 

Dinner was phenomenal, it was so fun to get everyone together in one place for a feast. A wide variety of food brought by the other staff, enough for everyone to get their fill and then some. You couldn’t believe how full you were, and judging by the look on your boyfriend’s face, he may have overindulged too. Even with the full bellies, everyone was excited to find the cookie versions of themself that Choso created.  

Sitting in the living room, everyone starts to find their secret santa gifts. You watch as Nobara opens the one from you. Her eyes lighting up as she pulls out the tube of lipgloss. It’s from a brand she hasn't stopped talking about for the past four weeks. Yes, it may have been a tiny bit over the 25 dollar budget you set, but you wanted to splurge on your students. Nobara says a thousand thank yous as she applies it immediately, the color looking perfect on her. 

You open your gift next, a large box with blue snowflake wrapping paper. Inside, it was filled to the brim with all sorts of candy. Many from luxury brands you have never heard of. While it wasn’t exactly what you wanted, you are still thankful. You are also excited to try the fancy chocolate bar with a name you can't pronounce. You know exactly who this is from, you spot the white haired sorcerer who is mouthing ‘you're welcome’ in your direction with a smirk.

Yuji opens his, pulling out a shirt with the letters spelling out ‘#1 LITTLE BROTHER’ across the front. Plastered on the back is a picture of him and Choso together, both making equally silly faces. Yuji breaks out in laughter as he holds the shirt up to show it off.

“Oh! I wonder who my secret santa could be!” He says sarcastically, smiling at his older brother.

It’s ironic really, as Choso pulls out his present. A red mug with the words ‘#1 BIG BROTHER’ across the side. Of course those two would get each other. 

As the party starts to wind down, Choso stands up and waves a hand, beckoning you to follow him down the hall. You excuse yourself from the conversation with Shoko and trail after him. He stands in the middle of the hallway, the sounds of laughter getting fainter as you join him.

“I have one more gift for you” He whispers, pulling a small rectangle box behind his back. It’s beautifully wrapped, the paper resembling the bark from a birch tree. A neat green ribbon tying it together. 

“You shouldn't have” You murmur, taking the gift from his hands. A small smirk tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Well…I wanted to.” He waits for you to open it. Part of you doesn’t want to disturb the expertly wrapped paper, the other part is dying to know what's inside. You tear it open, revealing a velvet black box. You hinge open the lid, inside is a pretty silver necklace. The charm at the end is a teardrop shaped gem, your birthstone. 

“It’s so pretty” You say as you lift it out of the box, dangling the pendent in front of you. Your eyes catching on the way the gem dances in the light. “Put it on me?” you ask, holding it out for him. He takes it from you as you turn around, wrapping the chain around and gently securing the clasp, his breath hot on your neck. You turn back to face him, adjusting how the charm sits against your neck.

“How does it look?” You ask, he eyes you up and down.

“Beautiful, it looks amazing on you. I knew it would.” He smiles softly, taking a step closer, a hand placing itself on the small of your back. You suddenly feel a little guilty. The necklace seemed expensive, and you didn’t get him much in return. Just some treats and the Christmas ornament. 

“Choso…I wish I would have gotten you something more in return.” you frown, but he just shakes his head.

“No, I don’t need fancy things. Besides, you already gave me the best present of all. You gave me the gift of Christmas. And I spent the whole day…no, the whole month, making precious memories with you. What more could I ask for?” His words touch your soul, burning hotter than the warmest summer day.

“Look up,” he says suddenly, pointing toward the ceiling with the hand not on your back. A small bundle of green leaves and white berries hang, tied together with a red bow. Mistletoe. You didn’t put this here when you were decorating, it must have been his doing.

“Did you do this?” you laugh looking into his eyes. He nods.

“When I was studying Christmas stuff...” he trails off sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink. “I read that this is a symbol of love. You know what people do under the mistletoe, right?” He asks, his eyes traveling to your lips as they curve in a smile. 

“Yes, I know,” You say, wrapping your hands around his neck. One hand cradling the back of his head as you pull him closer. He keeps his hand pressed to your back while the other cups your cheek, his thumb stoking your soft skin as his lips close the distance. His lips moving against yours in a sweet and tender kiss. Pouring all of his burning love into the moment.

He pulls back, hooded eyes roaming your face. Hot breath as he whispers your name.

“I love you” He whispers against your lips before he goes in for another kiss. “I’ll always love you”

A/N: I hope all of you lovely readers have an amazing holiday!! :)

The linked pictures of the cookies were made by me. Feel free to follow my twitter!

If you enjoyed this fic, I have two ongoing JJK fanfics you may also like. Check out them out here.

dividers by: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[inert-displacement]

Hey! Just wanted to. I guess speak on behalf of everyone. Something I am definitely in a position to do.

First, absolutely without a doubt, your word should be final when it comes to your body. Only you know what you want, and no-one else has the authority or the right to tell you what to do with it.

I think people might just be a little. Confused? I guess? Coz like you said, you don't take sexual satisfaction from gaining weight or maintaining a heavier weight. In itself, completely fine - gaining definitely isn't for everyone - but you do run a gaining blog. Using gaining tags. And post in a very pro-gaining way a lot of the time. And it kinda feels like you snap between being very pro- and very anti-gaining...suddenly. And often. Which can be a bit disorienting from an outside perspective.

If you dislike being skinny, also perfectly fine - but if you don't like gaining, it strikes people who do as quite an unusual avenue by which to address disliking being skinny.

To speak personally, it sounds like you might be experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia - not gender dysphoria, which sounds similar but is very different - where you dislike how you perceive yourself physically. It sounds like you're addressing that in a very intuitive and sensible way: changing how your body looks. But if you don't like how your body looks now either, it might be worth just chatting with someone with some professional experience about addressing it, coz it might run deeper than what your body looks like.

If you do like how your body looks now though, you just don't want to be involved in gaining: brilliant! Being heavier doesn't have to be a kinky thing: it's a kinky thing for us, but it's also just a completely neutral fact about a person.

What can happen, and I've seen happen before, is people can enter the gaining scene because they enjoy being a little heavier in a completely non-sexual way, but the people around them in their everyday lives are like. Vehemently against it. So they find communities online that support them. But the thing is, there's a middle ground between people who are totally anti-fat and. Y'know. Fetishists. It's what we talk about when we talk about the body positivity movement! If you're healthy and happy, it isn't for anyone else to make you feel bad about how you look. And there's a thriving online space for that as well! Hell, a lot of us are kind of part-and-parcel members in a non-sexual context.

I would say, in either case, the online gaining community might not be for you. We totally support whatever decision you choose to make, but if gaining fundamentally isn't your thing, we're ill-suited to help you get what you want from your body or environment.

Let me rephrase something. I completely love the idea of getting bigger and fatter. Makes me aroused every single time. But the actual eating part I can’t get aroused by like others can.

I enjoy getting bigger than what I was and at time it is very intoxicating and erotic. But being a cheerleader I’ve learned to become very vain with how I look because the culture I’ve been apart of is just very self deprecating.

I do enjoy this community it’s very lovely i just tend to get very down on myself sometimes and often very ashamed of myself.

Because I live in the south anything that’s sexually deviant is shameful. And I feel that this fetish is very deviant from traditional sexual behavior. So I often get conflicted about myself.

I have had this kink since forever, I used to shove pillows

In my shirt as a kid, blow balloons up in my shirt. And that was at a time when I had anorexia (ironic asf) but my relationship with food is better but I don’t want to be gluttonous or greed because as a kid I’d get yelled at for that!

Sorry for the long long long post but I hope this has cleared up a lot and makes my mindset more clear to all of you🫶🏻

[candy-fae]

Not to rant on a side blog but I just found out in mufasa they retconned scar and mufasa to NOT be brothers and like. That was my first hyperfixation so I am upset about this for a few reasons!!! Incoming rant.

I'm gonna call it the princess Luna effect. Scar is getting princess Luna'd and let me explain how.

Disney would never make a villain kill someone now. Maybe in the background have it be implied. Maybe IMPLY some degree of violence. But they would never put on a production of hamlet in a different font, because killing people is bad, and Disney doesn't WANT parents to be mad and not give them money. We already know this, and yes, it severely limits them giving their villains credible weight, thus struggling to make us engage in a conflict that isn't environmental. But aside from the fact that this is an OBVIOUS crab for cash and their copywrite, they've managed to try and make scar more palatable.

Hmm. Let's see. I want to be a king. I was born the spare, to my stronger, prouder older brother. I now have to wait for him to die to rule. But I can't fight him. He's too good. Oh! He has a son. GREAT. now I'll never be king. Unless the little hairball dies. Hmm. And he'd do anything for his son. I know! I'm going to kill my son by putting my nephew in danger, then when he's dead, just for SHITS AND GIGGLES- I'm gonna tell him it was his fault. I plan to kill him anyway. But I'm just such a devious asshole and don't wanna get my hands dirty, it would be easier to send him the wrong way, then send my guys on him.

And so he does. And was it jealousy, horrible and churning an corrupting that did it? Absolutely. And is it mufasas fault? Not at all. People hate you because you are loved by others and that a shitty of them. Scar is a murderer, and responsible for one of the greatest betrayals of animation.

What I'm having the issue with is- there's old canon that I'm pretty positive straight up gives them canon parents. They are blood related and surprise!! Siblings look different sometimes. Hamlet was a stage play and animation is like a mask. They drew the fucker like a snake because he is one.

And secondly- I get the feeling they did it so we could empathize with him. But he doesn't need empathizing!!! He has one purpose in the story and that IS to be horrific!! It's FUN to think about "what if the bad guy...... WASN'T the bad guy!!!"

But he is. And attempting to add more depth by retconning and making it so mufasa STOLE the throne in someway- just weakens his original betrayal. We are suppose to be horrified. We are suppose to cry when mufasa dies. I saw some people saying it's to set up love and Kiara but- kovu is stated in the lion King 2 to NOT be scars son. So the only thing I can think here is "oh. They want to make scar palatable. That's stupid."

What do you think?

"You are my blood brother I've known since I was born. But I will kill you and my nephew if it means I get what you have."

Or

"This thing was SUPPOSE to be mine and you STOLE it from me. I'm taking it back!"

Scar is no suppose to be justified. He's just suppose to be cruel. Let your bad guys be bad. I'm so sick of watering down evil. Makes the story much less about overcoming it.

[vermillyons]

me reading this:

no, seriously, this was so cute AAAAA

i love zoro x reader fics where he's a dumbass in love. the way you characterize zoro manages to hit all my personal preferences when reading fics about him. he's sincere, clumsy, a bit oblivious, sometimes too harsh without realizing, but he always pulls through for those he loves 😤

the way zoro's jealousy of sanji is described?

if Zoro had to choose a past feeling that comes the closest to comparing, it would have to be when he’d challenged Dracule Mihawk to a duel and lost.

dead. he's so smitten 😭💖

i like how nuanced the conflict is. sure, on the surface it's a simple one but you really get into zoro's head and understand where he's coming from and why things turned out this way. it also helps that zoro is self-aware to know that he's just running away and it likely isn't helping things but there's a part of his brain just going, "NOPE. RUN."

also this bit with chopper was so cute 🥹💕

“i-i know,” he chokes, reaching out to hug Robin’s leg, “i was faking it at first but now i’m scared something will happen and they really do break up.” Chopper lets out another cry, smooshing his face into the archeologist’s pants as he wonders if this is what children feel like when their parents get divorced.

ngl i thought the kidnapping was real at first bc chopper was sobbing and i was like, "well, chopper sucks at lying so i guess y/n did get kidnapped". i've been bamboozled.

the rush of thoughts and regrets zoro had was also good. and the way he consciously keeps trying to keep himself on track so he doesn't get lost.

”i’d love anything you make for me,” he mumbles before capturing your lips with his own, pulling away only when his lungs begin to scream for air. “thank you for the surprise, (Y/N). i love you.” "love you, too."

aaand we've got our happy ending 🥳💖

i just need more time to be loved by you (zoro x reader)

req: Could you please do a Zoro x reader (fem or gn)  where the reader is trying to plan a surprise thing for him and has been hanging around Sanji more to help get stuff prepared and in the process accidentally is ignoring Zoro. Zoro starts to worry that he isn't romantic or affectionate enough like Sanji and will loose the reader to him. Maybe Zoro even starts purposefully avoiding the reader like the mindset of 'if we don't talk I can't be broken up with'. Idk hurt comfort please make me cry but end nice 🩷

a/n: ngl i rubbed my hands together like a raccoon or smth when i was brainstorming for this req bc i’m just a sucker for hurt/comfort that isn’t dramatic hehe anyway thanks for 100 followers! :D i’ve been having a great time writing for one piece these past few weeks, everyone has been so kind :3c

contents: some suggestive content (16+ only ty!), insecure! jealous!Zoro, suspicions of cheating (but no actual cheating ofc), miscommunication, hurt/comfort and reverse comfort, angst to fluff

wc. 3.9k

wanna be on my taglist?

i. 

for the first time in over a year, Zoro wakes up in an empty bed.

the absence of a familiar weight resting on his chest nearly startles him awake, his brain skipping over the initial first few minutes of grogginess most feel when they’ve just woken up. he runs his hands over your side of the mattress before crawling over it just enough to check if you’re on the floor. 

it dawns on him, in that moment, that this is the first time you’ve gotten up and left before him since you began seeing each other. usually Zoro would be the one waking up at the break of dawn to get some early morning training in, always carefully taking a few minutes to lift your sleeping form off his body and place you back on your assigned end of the bed without waking you. it never seems to matter if you went to bed cuddling or not, somehow, throughout the night, you always find your way on top of him.

setting aside the foreign feeling in his stomach, Zoro decides to go look for you–he tells himself he’s just curious about the reason for your absence but the part he won’t admit is that he just misses seeing you first thing in the morning. 

it doesn’t take him long to find you, catching a glimpse of your back when he’s walking past the open kitchen door. before he can decide to get your attention, however, Zoro realises you’re not alone.

in front of a counter upon which is laid half-used utensils and uncooked ingredients stands you and the crew’s one and only chef. you’re both deeply engaged in a conversation spoken in a volume low enough that the swordsman can barely make out any of the words. he does, however, notice that you’re wearing Sanji’s favourite apron–it’s a tad too long for someone of your height, or maybe the stupid chef just has freakishly long legs, who knows? –and it causes his heart to stir in a way he struggles to describe to even himself.

if Zoro had to choose a past feeling that comes the closest to comparing, it would have to be when he’d challenged Dracule Mihawk to a duel and lost.

“oh, no, my sweet,” Sanji finally says something loud enough for Zoro to hear from behind the two of you. “you’d want to pinch it more than just squish it,” he continues before repositioning himself behind you to demonstrate. it’s hard to see exactly what the two of you are doing but it’s clear to the swordsman that the pervert chef’s most likely cupping your hands in his to guide your movement with whatever dish you’re seemingly making together.

Zoro isn’t surprised that you don’t try to push Sanji away in any capacity, not due to any lack of trust between him and you but because you’ve always been a very physically affectionate person. it was one of his first impressions of you when you joined the crew at the behest of Luffy. it was common on the Merry–and still is on the Sunny–to see you hugging, holding the hands or even kissing the cheeks of your companions in the most platonic sense. it’s just the way you show your happiness.

although every bone in Zoro’s body is screaming at him to storm in and tear Sanji away from you, a sudden realisation washing over him roots his feet to the ground.

is this what you actually need from me? if i touch you more, would you need it less from the others?

the swordsman can’t help but recall how just last night you’d kept bugging him for pre-sleep cuddles but he pushed your needy hands away every time.

“it’s too hot and humid tonight for that,” he grumbled after you frowned at his rejection.

“you’ve been saying that for the past two weeks,” you whined, wiggling around your side of the bed in protest.

“well, too bad the weather’s just been too hot. it’s not my fault.” he shrugged. when your frown only deepened, he decided to give you a few forehead kisses as compensation. “now stop being a brat and go to sleep.” 

Zoro walks away from the kitchen, opting to leave you and the chef alone; and wonders if you would’ve been in bed this morning when he woke up had he caved in and given you the cuddles you so wanted just last night.

he only sees you again when the sun’s started to set and all of the Straw Hats begin to gather for dinner. instead of taking your usual seat beside him, you end up serving him a plate of onigiri with a wide grin on your face instead.

“here’s your serving, my love,” you say with a satisfied hum that only serves to confuse the man. surely these are just the usual onigiri Sanji occasionally makes for meals, right? “how does it taste?” you ask after he takes a bite.

it tastes richer today and the rice is fluffier.

“it tastes the same as always.” the swordsman shrugs, physically incapable of praising anything remotely made by the crew’s dedicated cook. “why?” he adds when he catches the way your smile falters at his reply.

“nothing, it’s nothing.” you lean over to kiss his temple. his heart has been so deprived of your affection for the entire day that the simple gesture is enough to make him forget about your faltering smile from just mere seconds ago.

ii.

the next morning, after the Thousand Sunny has docked at a new island, Zoro wakes up yet again to an empty bed. this time, though, he wastes no time getting up and jumping into the shower after remembering a specific conversation from a week ago.

“we should go out on a date when we reach the next island,” you’d said, your bare sweaty chest sticking to his as you rested on top of him after an eventful night together.

“whatever you want,” he’d hummed in agreement as he rubbed your sides and back in an attempt to soothe the parts of your skin he’d been a bit too rough with. “we can even go right after we dock.”

rushing out the door of your shared quarters, green locks still dripping with water, Zoro makes it out just in time to catch you alighting the Sunny with two of your fellow Straw Hats: Chopper and, much to his dismay, Sanji. the three of you walk towards the bustling town together with the reindeer in between you and the chef with one hoof holding your right hand as his other holds Sanji’s left. 

Zoro feels the same stirring sensation from yesterday in his chest, except this time its intensity has increased tenfold. a bitterness forms in the back of his throat when he realises, if he wasn’t really paying attention, how much the three of you look like a family: a mother, a father and their child.

for a split second he imagines the kind of future you could have with someone like Sanji–someone who could provide for you and your children in a more meaningful way than a swordsman can. after all, what’s the point of teaching your kid how to wield a sword if you can’t even feed them properly, right?

a part of Zoro considers catching up to your little group and grabbing the basket from your other hand to replace it with his own. it would be a foreign experience to him, not usually being one to initiate even something as simple as hand-holding—aside from the times when your lives were being threatened and he needed to make sure you escaped safely with him.

the swordsman feels his face heat up at the thought of holding your hand for no reason other than the action itself. he tries to recall the last time you wormed your hand into his, intertwining your fingers with his calloused digits. Zoro remembers how soft your skin felt, how cold your hand initially was before it was engulfed in his warmer palm, and his heart skips a beat. 

by the time he snaps himself out of his reverie, he realises you’re nowhere to be seen.

”what’s bothering you, swordsman?” a familiar voice speaks from behind him. without turning around, Zoro simply shrugs in response.

”i don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

he hears Robin chuckle before he feels her hands sprouting from his shoulders to gently turn him around. though he really doesn’t want to talk about his feelings to the archeologist, he decides it’s better to comply than to fight it.

her arms are crossed as she looks at him with a smile. Zoro can’t help but compare her expression to that of a person seeing a pitiful baby animal struggling with eating solid foods for the first time—they know the only thing they can really do is watch.

”i think you should talk to her. you won’t know what she’s thinking unless you ask.”

Zoro curses under his breath. had he really been that obvious with his pining? how pathetic he must look to the rest of his crewmates.

how pathetic.

still, he can’t deny that she’s right—Robin always is, most of the time. he knows he’s been making a lot of assumptions lately and it’s not fair to either of you; and yet when he thinks about sitting you down to hear your actual feelings, he fears that not only will he be unable to offer you what you need, you would realise it as well.

would it really be the end of the world? if we go back to just being friends? 

Zoro’s lived his entire life up to this point without any romance, having deluded himself into thinking that any relationship—platonic or romantic—wouldn’t serve his goal of being the best swordsman. if anything, it would only be a distraction. he’d made it far in life with this belief and then, of course, he had to meet Luffy and subsequently: you.

he realises then that he can’t remember what it’s like not being your partner; to not have the privilege of being the one who sleeps beside you every night, to touch and hold and kiss you in ways only appropriate behind closed doors. when he thinks about his future as the world’s greatest swordsman, he can only imagine it with you by his side. it wouldn’t be the same otherwise.

maybe… if we just never talk about this, i can be yours for a little while longer. with a bit more time, maybe i can convince you to keep loving me.

iii.

a few days later, on the morning of the day you’ve been anxiously preparing for for a week now, you wake up, once again, to an empty bed and your heart sinks lower than it did yesterday.

Zoro has been waking up earlier these past few days and you’re unable to find out why. anytime you try to look for him during his usual training hours, you struggle to even find him, let alone spend time with him. for some reason that even the others are unsure of, he’s been training in odd places around the Thousand Sunny, seemingly forgoing the crow’s nest altogether. on the off chance you do manage to run into him, he’ll give you some random excuse for why he “can’t talk right now”.

”Luffy needs me to run some errands.”

”i have an appointment with the local blacksmith.”

”i think i see Chopper drowning.”

clenching your fists in your lap, you stay sitting in bed for a while longer, your heart pounding faster and faster no matter how hard you try to calm it down. you feel your eyes begin to burn with tears as you come to the realisation that maybe Zoro isn’t interested in you anymore. 

under your breath, you curse at whatever god is listening for their horrific timing. you’d spent the past week with Sanji and Chopper meticulously planning for tonight’s surprise birthday picnic and now you’re not sure if you’ll be able to convince your boyfriend to even look at you.

mind racing, you try to recall if you’d done anything to remotely upset him lately but you draw a blank. if anything, you’ve been spending more time away from Zoro in order to maintain the secrecy of your plans but surely that’s not what he’s upset over, right? wouldn’t he have welcomed the me-time with open arms?

finally deciding that it’s really not the time to be overthinking about this, you wipe away your tears and get ready to freshen up for the day. you and the others have put in too much effort into tonight to just throw it all away so you decide that no matter what, you will see it through, even if it ends up being the last time you spend with him as his partner.

iv. 

Zoro’s on the verge of falling asleep whilst sitting upright in bed when the door to your shared quarters bursts open and startles him awake. before he can beat the crap out of whoever it is, Nami’s frantic shouting freezes him in place.

��(Y/N)’s been taken!” his throat tightens as he feels his heart drop and his skin go cold. “quick you need to hurry!” the navigator yells. instinctively he grabs his three swords and leaps out of bed towards the door, more of the Straw Hats coming into view as he exits the room.

”you fucking dumbass mosshead!” Sanji shouts, furious, “sweet (Y/N)’s been kidnapped and you’ve been asleep this whole time?!”

”i-i last saw her being taken away towards the southmost cliff,” Chopper sobs, words muffled by his hooves as he frantically rubs away his never ending tears.

”remember, Zoro,” Sanji grabs the swordsman’s shoulders firmly, “southmost. SOUTH. it’s literally the closest cliff to the dock.”

it does cross Zoro’s mind that the chef’s acting fucking weird but right now isn’t the time for that. without a word, he takes off, running as fast as his legs can carry him toward what he hopes is the right direction. once he’s out of earshot, the Straw Hats let out a collective sigh.

”do you think he’ll make it?” Nami asks no one in particular.

”seeing as he really thinks (Y/N)’s in danger, i’d say so,” Robin replies.

”well, at least we have Usopp keeping an eye on him,” Sanji adds, “if mosshead really gets lost, we can at least rely on Usopp to get him back on the right track.”

a moment of silence passes as they all watch Zoro gradually disappear from view—all except for the sound of Chopper’s sobbing.

”he’s not here anymore, you don’t need to keep crying, Chopper,” Nami says to the doctor. he sniffles as he pulls his hooves away from his face, revealing a mess of snot and tears. 

“i-i know,” he chokes, reaching out to hug Robin’s leg, “i was faking it at first but now i’m scared something will happen and they really do break up.” Chopper lets out another cry, smooshing his face into the archeologist’s pants as he wonders if this is what children feel like when their parents get divorced.

“don’t be silly,” Nami leans down to pat his head, “i’m pretty sure hell would freeze over first before they decide to break up. besides, once Zoro sees all the stuff (Y/N)’s prepared, i think that’ll be the last thing on his mind.” 

v.

the swordsman barely thinks about where he’s going as he makes his way to you, his legs carrying him through twists and turns as though they have a mind of their own. all he can really focus on right now is the sound of his scabbards clicking against one another and the way you’ve been looking at him these past few days.

how your smile would melt away when he gave you another half-assed excuse to leave. how he felt you lingering a distance behind him so many times before your presence disappeared without saying a word. how just last night it seemed like you wanted to ask him something before going to bed, your mouth opening and closing as you laid down beside him, head turned just enough for your eyes to meet his. he’d almost asked you what’s wrong but before he could, you simply shook your head and turned around to go to sleep with your back facing his way.

i’m sorry. i’m sorry i kept avoiding you. i’m sorry i hurt your feelings.

Zoro takes a sharp left turn before he’s halted in his tracks when an entire tree branch falls just a few steps in front of him. before he can manoeuvre his way around the unexpected obstacle, he realises he’s going the wrong way; so he turns around.

i just needed more time to think. i just wanted a bit more time to figure out how to fix myself for you.

through the darkness of the night, his eyes catch a glimpse of light as he nears the edge of the forest that leads to the southmost cliff of the island. heart pounding rapidly in his chest as he continues to run, Zoro readies himself for a fight, to shed as much blood as necessary to bring you home without so much as a scratch on your skin. 

please be okay. this can’t be how it ends for us. i need to tell you that i—

he comes to a sudden stop, the inertia from running at top speed causing him to nearly stumble forwards. still panting heavily as he holds his unsheathed swords by his sides, Zoro simply stands there wordlessly as his eyes take in the sight before him.

you’re by yourself, sitting cross-legged on a large picnic blanket with a large array of food and bottles of alcohol surrounding you. you’re wearing a dress he’s never seen before but it fits you perfectly and he wonders if you’d gotten it just for tonight. you simply smile at Zoro as you wait a good while for the truth to fully dawn on him; to be honest you didn’t expect him to show up so frazzled and upset.

”happy birthday?” you eventually say, unsure yourself why the phrase comes out sounding like a question. still donning a look of shock on his face, Zoro sinks to his knees, dropping his swords onto the grass. he furrows his eyebrows, clearly deep in thought and your own eyes widen when you realise— “did you forget today’s your birthday?”

”i…” he murmurs, “… yeah, i forgot.” he swallows thickly. “is this all for me?”

”of course it is,” you can’t help but laugh a little as you reply, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that he truly did not see this coming at all. “i spent the whole week getting ready for this.”

Zoro feels a pang in his chest.

”you’re not breaking up with me?” he asks, stunning you into silence. for a second you think he’s trying to make some kind of sick joke but you know him well enough to tell from the way he’s staring at you so intensely that he’s being completely honest. “i thought…” the swordsman steadies his voice as best as he can, unable to help the words he’s been keeping hidden from spilling out of his lips, “you’d fallen out of love with me. i thought you just didn’t want to be around me anymore.”

you feel your eyes burn with tears as you hear your own thoughts being spoken aloud in his voice. your bottom lip quivers as you feel an odd mix of relief and sadness wash over you. upon seeing you cry, Zoro scrambles towards you until he’s within arm’s reach.

”no, no,” he clumsily wipes away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he cups your face in between his hands gently, “please don’t cry. don’t be sad.” you place your own hands over his, keeping them held to your face as you give him a wobbly smile.

”i’m not sad, you silly man,” you reply with fresh tears still running down your face. “i’m so relieved. this whole time i thought you were going to break up with me.”

”what made you think that?” Zoro can’t help but speak with a hint of indignance in his voice.

”you’ve been avoiding me the past few days,” you sniffle, the sound alone twisting his heart even further. “i thought you’d gotten sick of me or something but i didn’t wanna waste all the effort me and the others put into tonight so i thought we could at least have one last date together before you break up with me.” you feel his hands tense up as you speak before a frown spreads across his handsome face once you finish saying your piece.

”i could never,” he responds resolutely, as though offended by the mere idea of ever falling out of love with you. Zoro admits he’d been dodging you in order to avoid being broken up with. “i just thought,” he says, face turning red as he realises how dumb it all sounds now that he’s saying it out loud, “that if i didn’t give you the chance to leave me, i’d have more time to fix myself… to have more time being yours.”

”what’s there to fix?” you can’t help but ask, turning your head ever so slightly to press a kiss against the palm of his right hand. you smile when you notice Zoro’s already blushing face turning a deeper shade of red. “i already love every part of you. don’t you ever dare think again you need to change.”

you let out a squeak of surprise when Zoro lunges towards you without warning, tackling you into a tight hug. his hand reaches out to cushion the back of your head as you fall backwards onto your back with him laying on top of you. running his fingers through your hair, the swordsman gazes down at you warmly as he just now registers the smell of onigiri and sashimi.

”you made all this for me?” he asks in a soft voice, his breath brushing against your face. you nod, smile growing even wider when he leans down to kiss the tip of your nose. “is that why you were hanging around the shitty chef so much?” 

you hum affirmative in response, unable to help the racing of your heart as you bask in the sudden display of physical intimacy he rarely shows you outside of the bedroom. you wonder if he can feel your rapid heartbeat from how closely his chest is pressed against yours.

”the onigiri from earlier this week was my first attempt at making it,” you share before you feel Zoro start to pepper kisses all over your face.

”i lied when i said they tasted the same,” he admits, the occasional syllable muffling from when his lips make contact with your skin. “they tasted really good. i just thought the shitty cook made them so i lied.”

”oh really?” you chuckle as you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “i hope you like the ones i made today then.” Zoro brushes the tip of his nose against yours.

”i’d love anything you make for me,” he mumbles before capturing your lips with his own, pulling away only when his lungs begin to scream for air. “thank you for the surprise, (Y/N). i love you.”

”love you, too.” 

—

taglist: @irethepotato @i-reblog-fics-i-like

[captainuranium543]

I feel so conflicted about fairy tail continuing after 100 year because on the one hand I know it's probably a bad idea. A lot of fairy tail current issues are symptomatic of it just going on too long, and that's fine, sometimes the things you love need to end. But at the same time it feels like such a waste because I KNOW fairy tail can be better, I KNOW it has potential and there's so much that could be explored even now. If fairy tail ends after 100 year I will be sad because as much as I think the time has come it has so much to it that has gone unexplored and if it ends then that possibility will end with it.

[blueblossomrose]

Pleaseeeee I wanna see more on leona from the parent thing 🥺

Course! Here we go!

This post is part of the Twisted Parents Series.

Content: Post-canon, Leona being a tired dad, fem!afab!mc, fluffy.

Comments and reblogs are very welcome ♡

Being a father was never something that really crossed his mind. Dealing with Cheka, and his own childhood problems, made him skeptical about the idea.

MC kind of knew about it, but she was ready to tell him anyway.

Leona was surprised and at the same time not. He wouldn't verbalize about it, but after the wedding, his mind turned to children for the first time.

He wouldn't say it was a desire to have children, but more like a concept, imagination.

Well, now he didn't have to imagine anymore.

In the first few months, he's sounds neutral. He doesn't hate it, but he has confused mixed feelings about it.

He doesn't feel the huge appeal, and deep down that makes him angry and sad.

Because he knows he's probably not making you feel safe, because he knows he is behaving exactly like his own parents, ignorants of love.

He refuses to ask Farena anything at first, but it gets to a point where he's so upset that he ends up venting to him.

Farena was straightforward in pointing out that Leona doesn't need to force himself to be something he's not. That he doesn't need to doubt his own emotions because of other people's emotions.

And after this conversation, he goes to talk to MC. She, despite being slightly confused too, didn't crucify him for it. Leona continued to protect her with all his might throughout her pregnancy.

When MC's belly grows and he feels the first kick, his mental confusion worsened, conflicting feelings hitting each other, and even though he still seemed indifferent... there was something between and MC notice.

When he held the babies in his arms for the first time, however... his gaze, which had been different, changed completely.

He loved those children. There was no way he could hate them.

He was: "I'm not going to let anything bad happen to them."

And MC was: "I know 😊"

He is a tired father, as expected of him. Yet, he's doing well there.

One of the common scenes is him lying on your lap while you fold clothes or do some other activity, and your children on top of him, pulling his ears and tail while he sleeps.

When they are babies, Leona is ok to stay up with them while MC sleeps. He understands how tiring it is. Plus, he likes to feel important when he sees that the little ones fall asleep more easily when they are in his arms.

Many times you wake up with the babies on top of you because Leona put them in bed to sleep with you two.

As the babies grow, you notice more clearly how docile Leona is with his daughter.

As if anything Zuri asked for, Leona would give it to her.

He would play with her dolls wearing a pink dress if she asked.

Which honestly wouldn't be impossible for her to ask for. Zuri is very demanding.

Totally different from Zayne and Sekani. Zayne is calmer, really quiet. Sekani is a shy, very sweet boy, and slightly fearful...

Zayne enjoys playing board games even at a young age. Leona doesn't mind playing with him often. It's pretty funny when sometimes he ends up losing and looks at his 6 year old son like this: 🤨

He compliments Zayne anyway.

Sekani is undeniably more attached to his mother, since he is the type of child who likes to be pampered with affection and MC is always holding him in her arms.

But Leona also showers him with affection (in a more discreet way), so he enjoys being with his father as well. Leona makes him feel safe, so whenever he is scared, Sekani runs to his father.

Despite sometimes complaining, Leona spends a lot of time with them. A lot of time. MC soon realizes that it is him giving his children the affection and attention that he did not receive.

Also, Cheka joins his cousins to go and bother his uncle. He loves having someone to play with now!

Leona having his three children and nephew glued to him 24 hours a day. Okay, maybe I exaggerated. 8 hours a day.

MC often joins in on the fun. When playing tag, Leona is usually quick to catch her because he knows where she usually hides. He will jump on you without mercy and probably scare you, but he will quickly make you laugh with involuntary tickles.

Leona finds the kids easily. And the kids can find you easily when it's their turn. Hide and seek with beastmen is no fun.

At the end of the day, Leona watches you sleeping in his arms along with the children... and he thinks that love and being loved like that isn't bad at all.

[bluedalahorse]

An Ode to August’s Black Turtleneck

A post written for YRFavesFest2024, graciously hosted by @youngroyals-events. This is in response to prompt #32.

credit to @all-things-sigust for the screencap

August’s black turtleneck is pitch-perfect characterization via costuming.

Why?

Let’s start with color, because it’s an obvious place to start. August isn’t a straightforward villain, but he plays a villainous role in season one. Villains traditionally wear a lot of black in western media, so it fits in with that aspect of his characterization. This is the part of my post that almost felt silly to write, because it’s so obvious, but it must be stated all the same.

Then there’s the high collar. It’s a guarded look, which goes well with August having so many walls up in the first season. It continues with the villain-coding theme by reminding us of vampire capes and other such sinister accessories. For those of you who are also Interview with the Vampire fans, you’ll probably be reminded of Armand’s turtleneck in season 2 episode 5, which he wears in a scene where he’s finally put on the defensive. Young Royals often communicates August’s vulnerability by showing him naked or half-naked, and what is August’s turtleneck if not the opposite of his nakedness?

credit to @andthatisnotfake for the screencap

The last thing I want to note about August’s turtleneck is the striking contrast with his “white party” outfit in season three. August has dramatic character growth over the course of the series (yes, he does) and the costuming team chooses to reflect this in his changing outfits. The first season gives us August in a lot of darker colors as he plays the antagonist. In season 3, as we learn about August’s past as a victim of the initiations and as someone who wants to change, he wears lighter colors. The guardedness also falls away and we see more open collars. (Not to mention the scene during the sit-in, where August wears a goldish turtleneck and an open white jacket and starts to open up—not all the way—about his eating disorder. Conflicted August, perhaps?) What can I say? We love when costuming reflects a character arc!

You should own a black turtleneck too, by the way.

Unless you don’t want to, or you don’t like the way turtlenecks feel. I mean. Whatever. I’m not the boss of you.

(This is the Fashion Notes With Blue section of the post.)

Fun fact: I owned a black turtleneck sweater even before I started watching Young Royals, and I love it. It’s a classic piece I can pair with lots of other wardrobe items, so it feels like a good investment. It also keeps me warm on my winter commutes.

Generally I tend to style my own turtleneck as part of a mod ensemble or dark academia look. Sometimes I pair it with a coral jumper/pinafore dress, leggings, and boots. Other times I’ll try it with a plaid or tweet skirt, and sometimes a blazer or beret. I have a copper-ish raven skeleton necklace that stands out well against it. All of these looks help me to project a certain level of don’t fuck with me, so I wear them on days when I want that for myself.

I always recommend acquiring a clothing item that reminds you of a blorbo, especially when it’s a solid, comfortable, and versatile wardrobe staple. That’s what my black turtleneck sweater is for me. 

What are some of your favorite fandom-inspired wardrobe pieces?

This American Girl doll also wanted to model a black turtleneck for this post. If you think she looks like August’s daughter in an AU fic, no she doesn’t.

[sophieinwonderland]

Four Essential Features Of a Headmate

What is this for?

The goal here is to create an objective criteria for what is or isn't a headmate. This criteria can be useful for questioning systems, for plural media analysis, for studying plural groups that don't identify by the label, for differentiating between different types of entities within a system, and for tulpamancers wanting to better judge when a tulpa goes from a proto-headmate to a full headmate.

Nobody is forced to use these criteria if they don't think it fits for their system.

It's important to note that each feature here needs to be somewhat present, but these features don't need to be strong.

If you rated an entity on a scale of 0 to 10 on each of these and it gets all 1s, it's a headmate. Conversely, if it gets all 10s but has a single 0, it doesn't fit the criteria. Essentially, the degree that these qualities are present does not matter for determining if it's a headmate.

Autonomy

An entity is autonomous when it can think for itself and make its own decisions. An autonomous entity will not feel like you're controlling it. This entity thinks for itself and makes its own decisions, and feels emotions that seem real.

If an autonomous entity is sad, for example, you can't simply fix it by imagining it being happy again.

Autonomous entities may sometimes do things that surprise you or act in ways you can't predict.

If they're very strong willed, you may come to arguments with each other. But arguments aren't required to demonstrate autonomy and expecting arguments to prove an entity can think for itself can lead to toxic dynamics. Any level of autonomy is sufficient to fulfill this criteria.

Importance: Being able to imagine conversations with someone and to direct those conversations is a pretty common skill possessed by most singlets. Additionally, imaginary friends of children can come in different varieties. Some are autonomous, being able to control their own actions, while others are not, being fully controlled by the host child.

Perspective

A headmate must have its own perspective it can think from. This does not mean necessarily "seeing" in 1st person in the inner world or something of that nature, but pertains more to how it relates to others in the system.

A headmate with its own perspective can acknowledge itself as its own self in some form. It might say something to another member like "I think you should listen to me more often." Statements like this acknowledge itself as something separate from the other members.

While all that's necessary is to have that base level of perspective, for those who want to develop a headmate more, an advanced version of this that should be encouraged is introspection. This is a headmate thinking about themselves and their own nature, and can be fostered by asking them questions about themselves.

Importance: It's common for singlets to feel internal conflict and to think about this through an internal monologue. This might looks something like this: "I really want to take this cookie from the cookie jar. I'm trying to watch me weight. But I worked hard today so I deserve a treat."

When a singlet describes a sense of "part of me wants X but another part of me wants Y," this is the type of conflict they're generally referring to. The thing about these parts is that they often don't feel like separate people because they lack dissociation between them.

This criteria is to help distinguish between dissociative and non-dissociative parts.

Note: sometimes, even a denial can end up implying perspective. Even just saying, "I'm just part of you" carries an implication that there is an "I" and a "you."

Memory

Specifically, autobiographical memory of in-system experiences

A headmate should be able to recall past interactions that they've had. Recall of course does not need to be perfect. Even most singlets don't have perfect recall of their lives, and dissociative barriers can complicate matters. One of the core features of dissociative identity disorder is amnesia, after all.

The bare minimum is at least one memory of an event you experienced from a different day. Also, because amnesia can be episodic and be worse at times, this does not need to be constant. Having an episode where you can't remember anything about your past doesn't retroactively make you less of a headmate. (Although I suppose that if you are able to remember that you used to remember things, that itself is a memory about yourself. 🤷‍♀️)

I cannot reiterate enough that the memories can be very basic and do not need to be in vivid detail. They do not even need to be visual. As long as you have a sense of "I did this, I thought this before, I felt this way," or anything of that sort, it is enough of a memory to qualify.

Importance:

This is to help distinguish from temporary entities. In other posts, I have called these temporary headmates ephemerals. An ephemeral is an entity that exists for only a short time. It does not maintain memory or a consistent sense of self outside of memories assigned to it. For example, there is a popular practice writers may use where they will interview a character in their head. These characters may seem to have their own perspective and they may seem autonomous at the time. But they only exist briefly for the length of the interview. When the interview is over, the character is gone.

If you imagine a scene with that character again, the character in the scene will not remember you. If you interview them again, it will be like the first time you've ever spoken. Ephemerals are not headmates. They are temporary and not built to last. And there is no moral obligation to continue interacting with them.

A very common example of an ephemeral is a dream character. Dream characters are contained within their dream and when the dream ends, will disappear. Being able to create these types of temporary simulations of people is an innate human ability and these sorts of temporary entities aren't really part of the system.

Gnosis

I have previously referred to this as meta-awareness. But I am using gnosis here because I'm sticking with the one word theme for these qualities. There isn't really a word that exists that completely describes this so I will be using my own definition.

Gnosis means knowledge. In gnosticism, this was a specific type of knowledge that would allow one to ascend to a higher level of existence.

So in relation to plurality, this is knowledge of the existence of the external reality beyond the inner world or the fiction that the character originates from. You do not need to identify as a headmate for this to be true. You don't even need to feel like a part of the system. But you need to have the KNOWLEDGE that the body exists in an external reality outside of the inner world.

Importance: this is to help differentiate hadmates from other types of daydream characters or writing characters. A normal daydream character only operates in the daydream. They should not be aware of a real world outside of that daydream. Likewise, a writing character has no knowledge of the writers or the external world, and only exists within its own narrative.

A writing character may appear to have their own perspective and be somewhat autonomous when imagining scenes with them. But if a writing character becomes a headmate, the character may start to talk to the writer about the book. They may complain about the way the writer is writing them within the fiction. This is a writing character that has undergone gnosis. They have ascended beyond their fiction and developed awareness of the external reality.

The checklist

Autonomy: Does the entity have some level of independence where you are not consciously controlling them?

Perspective: Does the entity possess its own perspective with some level of awareness of itself as being its own thing separate to some degree from other entities within the system?

Memory: is the entity the same being in different times and places? If you had a conversation with it one day, could you ask it again about that conversation another day and have it remember?

Gnosis: Does the entity possess knowledge of the external world, the body, and its life?

If the answer is yes to all these questions, then you have a headmate on your hands.

And just because something isn't currently a headmate, doesn't mean that the potential isn't there. In the next section I want to discuss some techniques to help a headmate develop these features.

Tulpa Tips

Having gotten the basics out of the way, let's discuss on how to build these traits. This is a brief guide for developing full headmates from entities that are only lacking in one of the above traits.

Autonomy: if there is a character that you have imagined a lot but it feels like you are controlling them and you want this character to become a full headmate, just try letting go of the reins. Ask the character questions, and wait for a response. Do not try to dictate the response, and when the response comes, accept it. If the response is weird, ask them for further elaboration. But don't try to correct it or rewind or otherwise control the proto-headmate. You want to train your brain to produce the headmate's thoughts without any conscious input from yourself. See: Overcoming Parrotnoia for advice on conquering the fear you may be unconsciously controlling your headmate.

After enough time training autonomy, you are likely to find that you can't control them even when actively trying. But do not test this while you are training autonomy. Do not try to control the headmate during this period because these tests can set back or interfere with your progress.

Perspective: if you have a non-headmate part that you want to become a headmate, try to identify features of that part and when it influences you. Reframe the part as its own entity in your head, ask it what it wants to be called so that you can give a name to it.

These sorts of parts, in theory, should already have autonomy and should be able to respond when questioned. You are not making something new, you are just helping something that is already there differentiate itself more from you.

While just treating it like its own separate person is enough to achieve the bare minimum, I would advise continuing to ask it introspective questions to encourage it to think of itself as its own person. Especially things that are unrelated to its original role, whatever that was. And try to expose it to new experiences where you can.

Memory: The key to memory is making sure that you are interacting with the same instance of the character every time. If this is something that you are struggling with, my advice would be to end every session that you interact with your proto-headmate by asking them what they want to do the next time you interact with them. This will signal to the brain that this isn't done yet and that it needs to "save" this particular instance of the entity rather than creating a new one the next time. Then when you interact with them again, try to start off by asking them questions about the previous times that you have interacted with them in order to ensure that the memories have stuck. (These types of questions also encourage introspection.)

Gnosis: Of all of these qualities, this one is actually the easiest to reliably induce. You can trigger a gnosis event simply by telling a character with the other qualities about the outside world. Ideally, you should try to show them mental images and memories as well. You can also try imposing them externally so that they can see the outside world for themselves and walk around the space the body occupies.

As a warning, be aware that a well-developed entity discovering that the world that it knew was created from someone's head can sometimes trigger an existential crisis. While this is the easiest quality to attain, it also carries a risk if it's not attained before the other qualities. On the other hand, some headmates may enjoy the revelation and the new option that give them. Especially since they can now theoretically shape the inner world to their desires. Just be ready to catch them in case they fall when revealing this.

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading! 😁

If you enjoyed this post and my categorizations, you may also enjoy my posts on headmate Foundations and Manifestations, and the Dimensions of Fronting.

[prettyboykatsuki]

u don’t have to answer but how do u long for someone u loved so much at 14 while also being deeply committed to your partner. no judgement in pbk land i am just a lil drunk and trying to understand

i will try my best to explain this but being very frank (and not at all in a negative way!!) i think we are probably just two fundamentally different people with two vastly different concepts of what constitutes love and longing

the short answer is simply bc they are different people. my love for this person (ill call them j) and my partner are separate things. because they are just separate humans and separate experiences. the things i love about them sometimes overlap but they are both my people in different ways. i would never compare them.

its all very messy but all three of us are close also. like this person is my partners best friend and the whole arrangement is kind of complicated and idk how much i wanna air my business out kfjfshdkj. tldr is that me and j love each other very deeply in a way that is not romantic nor quite platonic and they are someone that will always be in my life. we did try romance sort of but they are aro and i dont think that feeling is what i feel for them anyway. its different to what my partner makes me feel.

so the sense of love and longing is not the exact same though it's probably closer to 'romance' then what we view typically as friendship. like i hold them in my lap and other gay shit lol

im the kind of queer that is very free love about these kinds of things. my partner has a qpr who i dont know and everything too

my partner is my life partner and the person i feel closest to in my life. it is romantic of course but its also more than that. i talk to him about everything and trust in him to communicate and vice versa. if im jealous or lonely or scared - i tell him and we work it out and he does the same for me and we check in on each other all the time. he comes first and he always will.

but my love and affection for someone else does not dim my love for him. love isnt a scarce resource i have to preserve but something i give of my own will. its not a threat because there's nothing to threaten. no love will replace him because it's not like anyone can be him any way.

when your love for someone transcends the role they fill in your life, a lot of doors open about who and how you love i think. i fall in love and experience affection for people as they are if i had to put it to words. not because of what they can do or a desire for connection but because the experience of them, specifically, moves me. i cant really speak for other people but for me its like that.

im not someone who really personally subscribes to monogamy and i never really have. my partner and i have had a more open relationship for all of it pretty much with some years and my trust in him has only deepened over time and through several wounds.

i long and crave and miss people because they are who they are. no person is replaceable ykwim. so the absence of someone cant be filled by someone else and it also cant be changed by another person. my partner is my life partner and the man i want to marry someday.

but j is my j. i love them because they have silly idiosyncrasies. theyre a talented artist and skittish with affection and sensitive. and i love them so deeply it makes me sick. i love how much they try for me.

and i love my partner just as much. we'll spend new years together, all three of us (and j's whole family dsjfjsld) - but im seeing them both separately and im sure they'll see each other separately too

so its like these things are not contradictory to me in anyway. they're not feelings in conflict with one another inside of me at all. its complicated but relationships are always that way

i hope that made a little sense!! its kind of hard to explain without extra context!!

[clarasghosts]

I haven't seen the wwdits finale yet, and based on what I've read about it (critical praise, fan complaints, and some plot points), I don't know that I ever will. one thing (but not the only) that annoys me is this insistence that "nothing ever changes", like that's somehow been the theme of the show all along. but the truth is that didn't become the theme until season four. things very much did change in seasons one through three. guillermo was always a dynamic character from the start of the series, and the discovery of his van helsing side affected members of the household and created tension, ultimately leading to growth and a changing role for him in season three (which seemed to be largely retconned in later seasons). nandor was weary of his long life, which propelled a story arc leading to him leaving the household to travel. after guillermo's arc led to them becoming the new vampiric council, nadja took to power and ambition, and looked forward to what she might be able to do as she rose in status. laszlo's discovery of colin's impending death changed how he behaved toward colin, leading him to do the unthinkable - lie to and separate from nadja in order to take care of a newly birthed baby colin.

these were massive fucking changes in the lives of the characters. season three ended on the note that nothing would be the same. nandor believed he'd been abandoned, nadja was heading to england where she would be in a greater position of power, not knowing her husband had left her at the last moment and trapped guillermo into accompanying her.

and then the start of season four deliberately ignored all of these conflicts and stakes. nadja wasn't actually mad at laszlo. nandor wasn't mad at guillermo or laszlo. baby colin was still there, but by the end of the season, that wouldn't matter either. nadja's vampire council storyline was thrown away with a quick line and brief flashback.

I get that they probably didn't have the budget for something huge abroad, but some close-up exterior shots in some of the older streets on the east coast could pass for some english town, and the rest could be interior shots. the characters could even return to new york without immediately erasing all the conflicts set up at the end of season three. the only real answer for what we ultimately got was bad writing.

I often see people complain that the show went downhill after jemaine left, and I think that's always been more in terms of humor than plot because the season three plot built directly from the season two plot (in all honesty, the humor has been fine for me personally). to me, the writing started to decline after stefani left, and the writers that remained all got hung up on their own egos.

sometimes I wonder what happened behind the scenes. why did stefani leave? she's listed as the co-writer for the season four premiere (which is the start of what I'm complaining about here), but was already no longer an executive producer (no longer had creative control) and then disappears from the writing credits altogether. and, whether related to her or not, I've wondered what led to the writers deciding that, not only would nothing really change in the household going forward, but that the audience should feel foolish for believing things would change. after the disappointment of the writers just throwing away the season three finale, the audience was willing (largely) to go with whatever happened next, embracing marwa's character. only for that to be thrown in our faces by the end of the season. then came the mystery behind guillermo's failed transformation and laszlo's experiments, only for the latter to be dropped as if it never happened.

I don't understand the critical praise for this all being so clever, when it's really just the end product of writers who can write funny scenes and good individual episodes, but largely don't seem able to write actual arcs or plots. it's not just threads never getting resolved, it's also threads never connecting. it's not clever to consistently have no larger vision of what you're writing or not be able to maintain a long and cohesive plot.

[gifti3]

How do you form a group that is open and welcoming and supportive to everyone who feels like they need said support but also make sure it doesnt get "highjacked" by people who fall much closer to what is considered "acceptable"?