#i feel like they're just fine as is and i don't have to give into all the scammy ways to 'get rid of them'. they're there and it's fine

[awkward-teabag]

I'm already seeing people gloss over and whitewash what he's done. With some, it was the NDP who proposed and did the legwork for positive changes and it was the Liberals who had to be forced kicking and screaming to implement a lesser version (e.g. Pharmacare, the Dental Benefit) and only did so because the NDP would have pulled support if they didn't.

CERB and the like left out a hell of a lot of people because there was a minimum threshold required to qualify. If you made too much, you didn't qualify. If you made too little and/or didn't work, you didn't.

Meanwhile the Liberals spent a lot of time and money on propping up businesses with no intention of recouping the money or forcing benefits to be passed on to customers (so of course that money largely went into pockets of people who didn't need more money).

He's done nothing about the obvious gouging going on with the telecoms, grocery prices, and housing prices. Two of which were an issue before 2020 so blaming covid doesn't really work.

Sure he acted like he was all for reconciliation but his government also fought against paying out in multiple class-action lawsuits for things like RCMP brutality and compensation for child welfare. It was lip service to look good (to other white people) but he wasn't inclined to do anything willingly unless it cost him nothing.

Similar with women and his faux feminism. He made a big show of it initially but when the cameras weren't on him the same way and he wasn't making covers/headlines, his cabinet shifted to once again be more men than women. He also didn't do much to codify protections so a tory government couldn't strip women of their rights.

Then there's voting reform and how he ran on (and was elected) with the promise he'd do it. Yeah that never happened and he's said he was only going to listen and had no intention of actually doing it. He's talking now about how Canadians deserve more of a choice and he regrets not going through with it but when he was benefiting from FPTP, he was fine with keeping it.

Oh and how about his government buying an oil pipeline for billions (which has now ballooned into dozens of billions) for no real reason while also saying there's not enough money for things like social services or clean drinking water.

He's been a status quo neoliberal for damn near his entire tenure. Some things can definitely be attributed to covid and global economics rather than him specifically, but he's not a passive player who got dealt a bad hand.

That's not even getting into the scandals or blackface or his refusal to step down until the entire party was about to mutiny and force him to step down. Or how he (and various Liberal supporters) utilized the fear of Pierre Poilievre as a reason to support Trudeau. Not policies or anything like that but banking on "we're not as bad as that guy".

He had nearly a decade to create policies and do things that would win or maintain voter support—half of which were before covid—but he didn't. He's been draining built up good will for years rather than adding to it which subsequently means the Liberals have been pulling from it. After so long, those stores are damn near dry.

Maybe the next leader will actually be inclined to do things.

Under growing pressure from his own party, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he will step down and end his nine-year stretch as leader.

Trudeau said he would stay on in office until his Liberal Party can choose a new leader, and that parliament would be prorogued - or suspended - until 24 March.

"This country deserves a real choice in the next election and it has become clear to me that if I'm having to fight internal battles, I cannot be the best option in that election," he said during a press conference Monday.

Trudeau's personal unpopularity with Canadians had become an increasing drag on his party's fortunes in advance of federal elections later this year. [...]

Continue Reading.

[peachesofteal]

I know Azriel has amassed a ton of wealth over centuries from doing the dirtiest work, and rarely spends it. He's never really had a need to. Of course, he buys gifts for his family, covers tabs at Rita's, buys himself things, essentials, etc but when it comes to spending for enjoyment or spending to indulge, it just doesn't happen.

He's not looking for reasons, either, until he literally stumbles into one.

You trip and fall into him in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. Trip over something on the ground, get twisted up, and flail forward, right into his path. You're rose and pink pepper, floral, sharp, sweet in a way he cannot fathom, and he doesn't think before stopping your fall. He just reacts, grabbing you around the arms and pulling you upright, holding you steady as you recalibrate your balance, looking up into his face, eyes shining bright like the stars. They're brilliant, full of life, but lined with an undercurrent of stress, of worry, he does not understand.

You're fumbling over an apology as he studies you, scrutinizing every detail on your face, down to the chap of your lips.

He's never seen a High Fae look so... off before, and they're not known to be clumsy.

"Are you alright?" It's polite to inquire, he assures himself, it's the right thing to do.

"I'm fine," you smile but it doesn't touch your eyes, "thanks. Sorry about that. I wasn't watching where I was going." He's unsure what to say next but before he can come up with something, you're giving him a quick thank you, and then disappearing into market.

He thinks about you that night. Wonders about you, as he stares at the bedroom ceiling. You obviously weren't well. Maybe he should have done more. It's his duty, isn't it? To Velaris? To care for it and its citizens, to protect them. Or at least, you. Do something to care for you, protect you.

He's not sure what to do, so he pushes the lingering questions from his mind.

And then the following week, he sees you at Rita's.

You're waiting tables, waltzing across the floor delivering drinks with a smile, the same one that slips away as soon as you're out of sight. Your shoulders slump as you stand at the corner of the bar, covering your mouth with your palm, yawning into it again and again.

Maybe he should do something, maybe you need a healer, maybe he could help-

No. He shouldn't. You probably wouldn't want him to, anyway. Right?

He shakes it off, tries to shake you off but can't stop himself from watching every step you take, trying to diagnose the problem.

It takes too long for it to click.

You're not sick, or clumsy.

You're exhausted, and it makes him irrationally angry, fills him with a need to drag you away from Rita's and tuck you up into a house somewhere, a place you'll never have to lift a finger again if you so choose. A place where you could be taken care of-

maybe even by him.

It takes him very little time to find the ramshackle duplex you live in on the outskirts of town, the roof too sloped, the wooden steps too rotted, the siding too loose.

It makes him uneasy, makes his skin crawl. Why are you here, in a place like this? Who has allowed this?

Why does a place like this even exist when Velaris has such wealth?

He begins to play a game, and at first, he tells himself it's to make himself feel better, that he's doing it for selfish reasons.

It's winter, and you don't have gloves, so he buys a pair and the shadows deposit them on your front step, and it makes the sick feeling in his stomach go away. For a few days.

When it returns, he buys you a hat, and this time, he delivers it himself, eager to see your reaction.

He doesn't expect to see the gloves still sitting on the porch, and he frowns. Did you not see them? Did you not like them? He leaves the hat at their side and lurks on the roof of the house across from yours, hiding in shadow, in wait.

The sun is still rising when you leave for your first job of the day, and you stop short at the sight of the hat. He perks up, expecting to see you relax with relief, or happiness, but is left confused when you hold the hat in your hands for a moment, reverently tracing the stitching, before dropping it back next to the gloves.

Why? You need these things. They're being given anonymously, alleviating some of awkwardness of accepting gifts, and he had hoped it would spare you from feelings of obligation or embarrassment. Perhaps you are too proud, he wonders, but shadows echo a different sentiment, one of distrust, of wariness.

The gifts scare you.

The guilt churns the bile in his stomach, and he flexes his fingers into fists before flying away, cursing himself the whole way home.

Idiot.

You're very surprised when he approaches you on your walk from the Palace to Rita's, so much so that you jerk to a dead stop, staring at him with your mouth dropped open as he tries to explain he has something to give you.

Yes, he knows you don't know him. Yes, he's aware how strange this is.

Yes, you will be taking this scarf whether you like it or not.

"I'm sorry?"

"This is for you." He extends the scarf towards you, holding his breath. Your eyes narrow.

"Have you been leaving things on my porch?"

"Yes." There's no point in lying. He's standing here trying to gift you a scarf, for Cauldron's sake.

"Why?" Your voice is tight, anxious, and he wishes there was a way he could reassure you without frightening you further.

"You needed them." It comes off as arrogant, but he doesn't care. He's getting to the point where he's past caring, where he's past watching you freeze and work yourself to the bone. His jaw is clenched so tight the muscles are straining, and it takes effort to steady his voice. "You're freezing."

"I-"

"I want you to have this." Just take it. The shadows skitter around him, trawling across the brick to where you stand, and you glance at them briefly, surprisingly unafraid, before looking back at him. He expects a fight, some kind of resistance, but it's all been bled dry. The only thing he sees is defeat, and it stings. You're suffering, you're suffering and he's got everything he could ever want, material wise, and then some. "Please," he murmurs, stepping forward, and you shake your head.

"I shouldn't."

"It's just a gift, I don't expect anything in return."

"You say that now." Your voice trembles. Anger cracks like lightning through his veins. Is this what you fear? A transaction? An exchange for help? There are only so many things one could want in a situation like this, and all of the them fill him with rage.

"I promise you," his voice is steel, firm and unrelenting, "I want nothing in return."

"You promise." It's not a question, and you won't meet his gaze, but he pushes on.

"I do." You reach for it hesitantly and wrap it around your neck, tucking your chin into the softly spun wool, cheeks lifting in a very small, shy smile. Good girl.

He chose perfectly. It complements your skin, your eyes, illuminates your already striking beauty.

"I... thank you. This is really nice. It's lovely." The shadows hum, and he secretly preens, the warmth in his chest spreading as you tell him your name.

"I'm Azriel," he says in return, and you nod.

"I know." You sigh, and look past him, down the street to where he knows your work awaits. "I have to go."

Or he could take you. It's tempting, so, so tempting. It's wicked, and rotten, but satisfying at the same time, and it soothes the reckless pieces of him calling out to you.

No. He shouldn't. He settles on a different course instead.

"I'll see you soon." Your brow furrows.

"You will?" He nods, spreading his wings, preparing to launch into the sky, pleased by how you marvel at them.

"And you'll wear both the gloves and hat when you're outside from now on." Your lips part with surprise. "Yes?" It takes a beat, and then two-

"Yes."

[smellslikechahnspirit]

heyyy chan’s spirit!! I love your writing so much and had a little fic idea I wanted to share! Could you write something where channie’s wife asks him to get intimate for the first time after they find out she’s pregnant? It doesn’t need to be explicit—just soft and emotional, focusing on their love and connection. Totally okay if it’s not your vibe, but I’d love to see your take on it!

Ofcourse! It's a bit short, but I hope you still like it :)

Absolutely 🤍

[Husband Channie and y/n being intimate after finding out their pregnant for the first time (not NSFW)]

BangChan x Reader

🤍 read guide lines in Masterlist!

THIS IS (OBVIOUSLY) ALL FICTION AND IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY! THIS IS MY PERCEPTION OF HOW I THINK SKZ WOULD BEHAVE IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS AKA, NOT REAL.

[8:05 PM]

You both were on the couch, watching Arcane. It was the weekend. Not any kind of weekend. This weekend was special. It officially has been 2 months since you two found out you were having a little baby. Both of you have wanted this for quite a while and were very excited to finally share the news with everyone. But it was Friday night. You wanted to announce it first thing tomorrow morning. Today was the last day it would just be between you two.

''I still can't believe it...'', you said out of the blue. ''Hm?'', Channie replied who was sleepily laying with his head on you lap. He looked up at your face which was shining bright. ''Our baby. I can't believe it's finally happening.'', you spoke swiftly.

He smiled at you, turning around a bit so his face faced your tummy. ''I know baby, me too. Can't wait to see the members faces tomorrow haha.'', he said. You laughed. ''They're gonna be great uncles.'' ''I'm sure they will honey.'', he replied. ''Kinda liked the little secret we had for a while tho.''. After you said that you pouted. ''Hm me too.'', he said as he kissed your stomach softly. ''Can't believe it's been 2 months already...'', Chan said right after. ''Yea, 7 more to go.''. As you said this you kinda looked..I don't know how to put it...off? You looked disappointed. Or rather annoyed.

''Something wrong baby? You feeling okay?''. ''Nah, I'm fine.'', you said as you pushed him off your lap soflty, so you could get up. Since you're pregnant, he kind of just let you. Normally he would've made you stay and talk it out right then and there, but he knew you were uncomfortable enough as it is.

''Sure?'', he asked you while watching you walk towards your shared bedroom. He only saw you nod and disappear behind the door.

He got concerned, more then confused.

He knew your emotions were all over the place, but seeing you raise a wall was never a good sign. After a good 5 minutes he decided to check up on you.

He walked into the bedroom. The door was still slightly opened. ''Knock knock...can I come in darling?''. ''Ofcourse.'', you said smiling soflty. He walked in slowly, holding a cup of your favoured tea. ''Got ya this.''. He put it down next to you. He kept looking at your face, trying to decipher what was the matter.

''Y/n, please tell me..what's going on. Are you feeling sick? Worried? Don't deal with this by yourself baby, please.'', he said as he rubbed your arm soflty. ''It's just...''. He looked you in the eyes, making you look back at him. ''It's what?'', he said very quiet. ''I guess I'm just a bit worried.'' ''Hmhm, worried bout what sweetie?''.

He now sat down next to you, giving you a small kiss. Patiently waiting for you to tell him what was bothering you. ''Do you still love me? Or just because I'm pregnant now, you feel like you have to?''. He was shook by your words. Completely unaware that you felt this way. ''Y/n? Are you...okay? How...what??? Why would you ask me that. I love you to death. Does it look like I don't love you anymore?''. He was really confused. ''No, I mean...I don't know...''. ''Baby...?'', he asked confused. ''Well...since you found out I was pregnant...we haven't...had sex. Like not even once. Are you not willing to have sex with me, for the next 7 months either?''.

He now understood your thought, but this was never his intention. ''Babe...first of all, why didn't you tell me this sooner? And second...it's not that I don't wanna have sex with you. I just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.''.

''Uncomfortable?'', you looked up with big eyes. ''Well, I don't know...since that day we found out...you kind of have been all about the safety of the baby, and health for your body and doing yoga and etc. Just everything. I felt like, me bothering you with my needs, was something that would stress you out. I just didn't want to put pressure on you, into thinking you had to, since your body is now a temple to keep safe.''.

''What does sex have to do with that?''. He also didn't think this through too much. These last 8 weeks have been stressful for the both of you. ''I don't know what else to say... I never meant for it to seem like I didn't want to, I wanted to...everyday actually.''.

Your eyes lit up. ''Really? You don't think it's weird now?'' ''Weird? No. Do I feel like we have to be carefull and mindfull about this? Yes. I don't wanna hurt you in any way baby.'', he said wisely.

Instead of worry, all you felt now was happiness, being in a position that a man like this was the man who you were having a baby with. ''You're actually amazing, you know that babe?''. He smiled, then giving you a deep kiss. And the kiss kept going. And going. When after a while he was laying on top of you.

''Let me take care of you tonight. I will be gentle in every way. You deserve a treat, after this long.''.

He knew how these 8 weeks have been on your body, let alone how difficult the other 7 months are gonna be on you.

''You sure you wanna do this?'', you asked. ''Absolutely.''.

...Masterlist...

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

© 2022-2025, smellslikechahnspirit • No posting on other sites or platforms, rewrites, or translations

[alphafratworship]

It didn't take much to get him there did it. The FAGGOT came to me begging for me to give him a bigger dick. Gave me a whole sob story about how he was stuck bottoming with the 1 inchr the universe gave him that he'd do anything to TOP with a REAL COCK . Who am I to deny a FAG's request like that especially with such vague wording.

Bitch was a real Twink if you can imagine, played into the " HOLE " hyper femme stereotype. lean build, bubble butt with slutty clothes just begging for some attention and thinking they're so high and mighty until they were fucked silly by a real man. I have no problems with COCKSUCKERS , a HOLES A HOLE but when they are a whiney little fairy I need them to change.

When I agreed to help him after he begged he immediately got excited, especially when I told him to undress. "The process is simple BRO , I'm going to give you MY DICK , then you'll have more then enough meat to satisfy any bitch you want" his lil DICKLET betrayed his face, I know he didn't want to think of people like bitches, scrunching his face in false superiority as the idea of ​​giving him MORE then he wanted to make him hard.

"No offense to you don't call me BRO , bu..but like I don't think like that, just want a bi..bi.bigger penis to please my boyf.." he stuttered out before I laughed.

"I don't need to know that shit bro, all guys want BIGGER FUCKSTICKS it's normal!" I say slapping him on the shoulder emphasizing fuckstick by thrusting forward a little, getting him hooked on me with each movement.

"So you're just going to like give me your dick, like what about you? And how are...." He began to ask before I cut his whiney ass off. "Listen BOY I have no problem with you having my COCK , I'll be fine no worries and it's easier to just do it then tell ya! You good with that." The eager slut agreed

He only got harder when I adjusted myself before pulling down my pants, my 12 inches of man meat hard as I pictured the transformation this FAG was going to go through. His face flushed and he moaned as I turned him around and pushed him against the sink of the bathroom. He even tried to beg for lube as I pressed my raging cock head against his experienced hole but I just laughed and told him it had to be all natural. Spitting on it as I pushed in easily, his pain turning to pleasure as Alpha spit entered into his system. Warmth filling his body as I thrust in and out.

He tried to grab onto his cock but I shouted not yet, pushing his hands to the sink as I felt his ass take me all the way to the root. Plunging past his prostate and making him wail in pleasure. Once I was all the way in I felt it, the heat filling my member as my bull balls slapped against his smaller nuts. It was starting.

I could look in the mirror, my cocky sneer as I grunted thrusting into him grew wider as I saw him throw his head back, eyes rolling. The warmth turning to heat as inch by inch my cock shrank and his GREW. His moans and his begging first started getting louder, before they started cracking as he proclaimed he could feel it and finally his voice dropped deeper and slower. MORE MANLY. His ass meeting my thrust as pleasured over took rationality, his hole which started off loose became like a vice trying to milk me. It was working.

By the first two inches he'd grown taller, as the testosterone shot him up from his pathetic 5'5 to a modest 6 foot. The next two I watched as his muscles bulged out in his back, up his neck and shoulders, down his arms. His noodle arms became bulging biceps and carved forearms that anyone would fawn over as his back muscles became wide and defined giving his body a Doritos like shape. His body creaking as his moans turned to grunting, a panicked look on his face as his features hardened and he was worried about the transformation.

"N..NOO l.. I don't want...want like big muscles... BRO !" He cried out, his voice cracking before the word BRO forced itself out of his mouth, scaring him more. His body and face changing against his wishes as I kept pumping into him. "What are you talking about BRO , you LOVE MUSCLES , you're a giant MEATHEAD !" A shit eating grin formed on my face as my COCK and Alpha spit hammered my words into him.

"No BROO , not..not... I'm not.. a.. I'm a.. MEATHEAD I like MUSCLES on other.. ME n.. BROS !" his eyes rolling back as he tries to fight my words and pleasure in this losing battle. My cock shrinks another two inches dissolving into him as his body explodes with muscles, his pecs getting plumper, and abs shredded as his face loses the last bit of softness. His hole around my cock TIGHTENS again as his mind starts to give way to my ideas as his life flooded down to his balls inflating them.

"Yeah BRO , you like your muscles DUDE . You're a DUMB , MEATHEAD , who only cares about LIFTIN , GAINS and getting PUSSY !" I emphasize each word with a thrust as I see his face twist in confusion and pleasure. His FUCKSTICK growing bigger as mine shrinks again going down to four inches while his soon to be BABYMAKER hits 9.

"I... I don't like pu... GA...FAGS...im...GAY...FAGS.... BRO I just wanted a big dick what the fuck are you doing to me " He moans his ass thrusting back as his body tries to take the last inches of my cock. Craving it's virile, alpha, straight energy as I grab him by his muscle tits with one hand, the other going down to his cock. His eyes were heavy now his brain filled with images of lifting weights partying, tits and pussy.

"Bro I'm just giving you what you wanted, you wanted a my big dick. I gave you MY big STRAIGHT dick! It just also comes with muscle, a need for partying and 100% straight sexuality!" I laugh as he cries out. The pleasure was erasing who he was and dropping it down to his balls permanently where he cum it all out.

I let the last two inches go as I moaned NO HOMO in his ear, watching as his cock got to a size twelve, his ass so tight mine barely got in his hole. My balls here pent up I was close and so was he I just needed him to do one last thing.

" No...NO HOMO BRO , your..myour cock...sp big dude I can't take it..mneed to get into the frat NO MATTER WHAT! !!" There it was. My new bro didn't know how big I was but his ass thought I was huge still so it quickly made it so (god I loved magic)

When I came from the gigantic growth of my dick in such a tight bussy, bros he launched out a waterfall of cum. Guess that fag lived a big life but it wasn't nearly big enough for him obviously. But now, now it would be.

I mean one look at this studs pussy pounder is all it takes to get them wet

[strawberrysugar71]

I've actually had enough and I'm going to fucking scream (LOTS OF SWEARING, passive aggressive - I think - and rant :3)

(I probably put this really horribly and I'm sorry about that but I'm genuinely so pissed off I actually can't find a shit to give.)

"SHE TOLD GANGLE SHE'S ANNOYING! RAGATHA IS A HORRIBLE PERSON!"

HAHA NO SHE'S NOT 😝😝😝 GET OVER IT. SHE'S TROUBLED LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE THERE. SHE LIES TO KEEP EVERYBODY SANE, WHICH TBF HARMS HERSELF MORE THAN IT DOES ANYBODY ELSE. BUT THE SECOND SHE'S HONEST ABOUT SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S WHAT'S HEALTHY FOR HER SHE'S A HORRIBLE PERSON AND IS EVERYBODY'S LEAST FAVOURITE CHARACTER. LET IT GO. SHE WAS INTOXICATED TOO, AND PEOPLE DO DUMB SHIT WHILST INTOXICATED. (literally common sense that 17-20 year olds are ignoring that even a 13 yo understands?!). NOT TO MENTION 2 SECONDS LATER SHE ACKNOWLEDGED WHAT SHE SAID WAS MEAN. EVEN I - ONE OF THE BIGGEST RAGATHA FANS YOU'LL EVER MEET - WAS UPSET AT HER WHEN SHE SAID THAT. IF YOU WANNA ACCUSE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS OF BEING A PRICK, MOVE ALONG TO JAX. THANKS.

Also she doesn't ACTUALLY hate Jax. That's common knowledge, I fear... If she really hated him, why is she always with him? Why is she sharing the spotlight of the next TWO episodes with him? Huh? Huh? HUH?

"THEY HAVE AN EIGHT YEAR AGE GAP!!!"

😱😱😱 OMG I NEVER FUCKING KNEW THANK YOU FOR THIS BRAND NEW LIFE CHANGING INFORMATION!! 8 YEARS IS NOTHING, GET OVER IT. BRUTAL TRUTH. YOU'RE JUST FINDING PATHETIC EXCUSES TO HATE ON A SHIP YOU LOATHE. BUT THE SECOND I EXPRESS MY MASSIVE HATRED FOR FUNNYBUNNY/BUNNYJESTER I'M A BAD FUCKING PERSON?! (You ship it? Totally fine by me! Ship whatever the hell you want, I'm just tryna make a point.) WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! AND LET'S JUST BE REAL FOR A MINUTE, NOBODY WOULD ACTUALLY GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT THE AGE GAP IF JAX WAS OLDER! JUST BECAUSE THE WOMAN IS OLDER FOR A CHANGE!!! stoopid.

JUST BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE DOESN'T MEAN IT'S AN ILLEGAL SHIP! FUNNYBUNNY MAKES ME HELLA UNCOMFORTABLE BUT YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME HATING ON THE SHIP BECAUSE OF IT!!!

"THEY'RE SIBLINGS THOUGH!!!"

😱 THAT'S YOUR HEAD CANON BITCH! UNLESS GOOSE SPECIFICALLY SAYS "yo chat mb Jax and Ragatha are siblings lol" THEN IT ISN'T CANON! SORRY NOT SORRY! TRYNA RUIN PEOPLE'S FUN BY MAKING THEM FEEL LIKE BAD PEOPLE FOR SHIPPING 'InCeSt' HAHA VERY FUNNY. THEY DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE SIBLINGS. SAID IT AND I'M PROUD OF IT.

RAGATHA'S NOT A BAD PERSON, AND BUNNYDOLL ISN'T BAD. (also Funnybunny shippers ily, you're some of the sweetest ppl ever. Mwah!)

YOU'RE WELCOME.

PASS ME THE NEXT ONE.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[cielosafeplace]

going out with 141 partying would be something like this...

(Short as your ex's dick) 💋

Imagine you're going out partying with the guys from 141 but they're just your friends (for now) you went to their house, where the 4 of them live because they're polyamorous boyfriends and you were already ready so they let you occupy their guest bed to wait for them but you fall asleep in the most tender way these men could have ever seen. With your feet off the bed so as not to get it dirty, your hair against the pillow and a little saliva touching your lipstick and makeup. Johnny is the first to see you, he walks into the room yelling something about how in Scotland they drink a lot and blah blah until he looks at the bed and sees you there almost curled up with your hand under the pillow and the other with your phone in your hand, he carefully calls Kyle who was passing by the hall cursing because Johnny stole his belt, as soon as he entered the room he was speechless. Simon was already ready when he found Kyle and Johnny watching something very calm and quiet as soon as he saw you he felt like he could bite you until you ripped off your flesh because of the aggressive tenderness you caused him and John was already going to scold them all because they are missing and he joined the group of observers but he decided to intervene..

- Honey ...- John spoke very softly, to which you moved coming out of your nap - Honey can you hear me? -

- Hey cap, oh I'm sorry I fell asleep - You stretched and your shiny crop top rose revealing your abdomen

- Bonnie if you don't feel energetic we can stay here - Johnny approached when he realized that continuing to look at your ass in those shorts was wrong - We can order food if you want

- I'm fine I just relaxed too much, are you ready? - you sat on the bed with John's arms still on either side of your legs, when you sat down you stayed close to his face but you didn't give it any importance

This little approach left the three boys stunned, because something as simple as that could leave them so stupid and horny. Definitely everyone thought they were degenerates

- no no, look at my makeup, my hair, I'm not going to waste this outfit, come on - you put your hand on John's chest so he would get up.

Without anything else to say and obeying your word everyone left, John drove the entire trip there and back, Johnny and you being the most affected by the alcohol filled with jokes and shameless flirting towards Kyle and Simon. You ended up asleep in the boys' bed after accidentally kissing John when he was helping you with your makeup and changing clothes. A party with your friends at a random club, who would say that a few weeks later they would ask you to join their polyamorous relationship.

[ethereallyjade]

Pick a Card: How Will Next Semester Go?

Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message. As always, this is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. If you're interested in personal tarot readings and want to support me, check out my Paid Readings! Masterlist

1 - 4

Images are not mine

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟙

It's gonna be real smooth. You're getting it all put together. I'm sensing that many of you may be graduating this semester. Older sibling/senior energy. There's a sense of everything finally coming together or something wrapping up nicely. Something is finished. I'm hearing 'Good riddance!' Signed, sealed, and delivered!

Your grades are going to be gorgeous. There's some kind of celebration, lots of smiling. You're going to feel very happy and abundant this upcoming semester. You'll have all your ducks in a row and feel very ready for whatever is next for you.

ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟚

I'm getting a kinda ridged energy here, but you guys will make it through. You might have a really hard class this semester, but I'm seeing that the thing that's standing in your way the most is yourself. Do not be afraid to ask for help: talk to your teachers, find tutors, watch youtube videos, etc. Put the time in. But most of all, don't allow negative thinking to get in your way. Don't tell yourself that you're gonna fail or that you can't do it, especially before the class even starts. That kind of self talk feels like nothing in the moment, but if you keep doing it it will affect you in the long run and not only adds unnecessary stress on you but can lead to other disorders. So, like, nip in before it gets out of hand.

Give yourself the chance, do your best. You might not get the grade you want, but you will pass this class or whatever it may be. Things might start rough or confusing, but I'm seeing that you'll start catching on towards the end. So, just put in that extra work when you can and you'll be fine.

ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟛

Similar to the last group, things might be a struggle at first, but you will catch on fast. Are some of you doing something new? A freshman? I keep seeing a young person going into college for the first time. Like, they didn't take things seriously, they were partying, going out to eat too much, hanging with friends, not doing homework, but then something happens and they're like 'Oh sh*t, this is real.' Can you relate to this? I'm seeing that you're gonna get hit with that wave of 'Oh, I actually have to lock in this time around.' There will be no avoidance or immature behavior this semester. The cards are saying to start getting your sh*t together lmao.

Not to wish bad fortune on any of you, but I'm really getting the sense of like... you will fail if you don't put in the effort. Like, go talk with your advisors, talk to your teachers, get a calendar. Everything you need to succeed is right in front of you, but no one can help you if you never ask. Watch your spending habits, don't cheat, do your homework, surround yourself with supportive good people, organize you work and time. This semester is really what you make it.

ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟜

I'm seeing giddy, more energetic, friends, and fun. This is a more laid back semester. You've been working hard, been very mature in your schooling so far, and I'm seeing that you'll just be reaping the rewards from your past efforts. Maybe you'll be working on a passion project or doing an internship. Something that doesn't feel like real work, because you'll be so into it. You'll be feeling stable and calm this semester, feeling accomplished and just better.

You might be getting more popular. I keep seeing that kind of student that walks into any room or class and just knows somebody. If that's not you, you might just be a familiar face to a lot of people because they've seen you all over campus or at events. Either way, others are starting to recognize you for something. If you don't have good and supportive friends already, you might find them this semester.

[irrealisms]

Hey so I want to get into lifesteal. I don’t exactly feel like watching hundreds of hours of vods. I did also watch one of the three hour long summaries by one of the members but most of it went right over my head. At this point I’m mainly interested in watching pangi’s and clown’s pov. Could you catch me up with the lore and maybe recommend a few vods?

absolutely!!! the first thing i'll say is that lifesteal is sort of like hermitcraft or the life series (if you're familiar with those), in that it has multiple seasons, each of which is on a different server and comes with new teams/plotlines/builds/etc., although they do sometimes reference past seasons. so if you want to only watch some seasons and not others, that's an option! both pangi and clown joined in s2 and are still members today in s6; clown is imo most famous for his s3, which is where clownzy comes from.

(if you don't want to watch hundreds of hours of vods but don't mind watching like a hundred hours of edited videos i also have playlists of all the edited videos buuuuuut i assume that you do not want to do that either lol. i'll link the playlists of Just clown and Just pangi povs though bc those should b shorter!)

the good news is that clown doesn't really stream and does make edited videos, and pangi is also pretty good at making edited videos. the bad news is that pangi streams a lot. the other good news is that i love Talking About Lifesteal.

uhhhh first off. some edited-video playlists:

clownpierce s2 (11 videos, 2.5 hours)

pangi s2 (2 videos, 15 minutes)

clownpierce s3 (9 videos, 3.5 hours)

pangi s3 (5 videos, 45 minutes)

clownpierce s4 (3 videos, 1 hour)

pangi s4 (10 videos, 2 hours; has some videos not by pangi if they are relevant to pangi's story)

clownpierce s5 (7 videos, 3 hours)

pangi s5 (2 videos, 30 minutes)

[there are no clownpierce videos for s6]

pangi s6 (16 videos, 2.5 hours)

general overviews of the seasons and whether/how much i recommend them:

i quite like clownpierce's s2; it's kinda old and a bit messy, it's from when he and lifesteal really blew up as youtubers, and also from when he was cracked at crystal pvp. he's very involved in the ~main plot, between the M.O.B. (clown's team) and the Poggies (parrot's team). he gets some delightful monologues and fun moments. if you have derangements about Content and Narrative within mcyt the way i do i definitely recommend his s2. pangi ... only joins halfway through s2 and doesn't really do much lol

clownpierce's s3 is REALLY good. there is a reason that clownzy is the #1 lifesteal ship on ao3, and it's because of clown and branzy's s3. i personally prefer branzy pov of s3 tbh but clown pov is also quite good! evil clown runs casino, falls in love, does a lot of scamming and murder. very good imo. pangi's s3 is good but kind of forgettable imo, although it (especially the last video) is good as leadup for...

pangi's s4! once again i REALLY like pangi's s4. (not to brag but you can spot me in the twitch chat of one of his videos.) he gets very involved in the plot this season; he starts shit with the NPPP, clownpierce, and team awesome, in that order, and has a deeply messy relationship with princezam, including "princezam literally flying to the netherlands and using pangi's minecraft account to give pangi's hearts to his enemies", "princezam pretending to be on pangi's side when pangi declares himself king only to actually be double-agenting", and "pangi traps a suicidal princezam in bedrock". love those guys. and pangi's s2-3 (but ESPECIALLY the princezam empire) sets up their friendship a bit more if you end up interested in them! you can skip the valentines date & escape room if you are primarily watching for major plot events, they're very filler-y, but they're a fun time and they were pangi videos from s4 so

clown's s4 is. fine? it's got one video of "this event is also covered in the pangi playlist" (shades vs clown duel) and two videos that are fun for clown but pretty disconnected from The Rest Of The Server. that said if s3 got you invested in clownzy you should check out I Trapped Him In Minecraft's Safest Base. clown basically did not log on for most of s4 and it shows ToT

pangi's s5 is another. it's fine? it's really really short. it is literally two videos. one of my favorite s5 streams that never went anywhere or got made into a video is related to pangi but it, uh, never went anywhere or got made into a video lol. tl;dr: he and zam are teammates this season! for real this time and they aren't going to have a big dramatic breakup!!! this lasts...about half the season until they have a big dramatic breakup (not shown in the youtube videos, which are all set before that). he also got involved in some Dragon Egg Shenanigans and started some shit with subz early-season but nothing huge.

clown gets more involved again in s5! he's not quite as involved as he was in s2-3 but he is There for a lot of stuff: he makes the PMC with Minutetech, Leowook, and Sort Of Branzy, doesn't log on for a while, logs back on to help with the scavenger hunt during void arc (aka "do our scavenger hunt or else we turn all of spawn into void"), and then betrays the PMC for end-of-server. there's some good stuff in there imo.

pangi's s6 is ... mostly just Silly Bits rather than Getting Involved, both in videos and vods. that said it might be worth watching some of it as a realm viewer bc it's the origin of his current bits--eg the therapy thing is a lifesteal s6 original!

in terms of character stuff about the two of them:

with clown there are a couple things i want to talk about. the main thing everyone talks about is clownzy, and i'd also like to talk about the broader phenomenon that creates clownzy, which is that clown really loves having a Little Guy: someone who's kind of pathetic and bad at pvp, so that clown can Protect Them and be a little threatening to them and even more threatening to their enemies. the other thing i want to talk about is actually not clownzy-related? clown likes (and is quite good at!) playing evil menacing villains, but he's in many ways a believer in politeness and fair play; he's a very gracious loser, to the point where lifestealers have said before that they feel kinda bad when they win against him, and he tends to strongly favor fair fights over traps or exploits. which is interesting to me! uhhhh another thing that's interesting is that (as is the case with many/most lifestealers) his videos tend to editorialize; his s3 especially stands out to me for this, for a few moments but one that stands out to me is that when mr. cube successfully rigs the casino against him he just cuts this out of his video even though he's got the moments right before and right after it in his video.

with pangi something that sticks out to me is .... well first of all i could talk about his relationship with zam for aaaaaaages. there's a thing there of. he and zam are quite close ooc, and so zam tends to take him for granted as an ally, even when zam treats him quite poorly and doesn't prioritize him? this was most obvious in s4 but i would say even in s5 when they teamed up again uhhhhhh zam does very much (a) find another team that zam ends up much closer with (b) plan to spawnkill pangi. but pangi's still very much in a position where his strongest/closest relationship is usually zam. there's also a thing where he's currently known as a Silly Lighthearted Bits guy and not someone who gets seriously involved in the LoreTM and i think sometimes people forget that this wasn't always true? but even in s4 when he was much more involved in things there's some level of disconnect; in late s4 there was a lot of "major developments happen while pangi's asleep, the next day zam catches pangi up on everything that happened". and i would also argue that all of this is v related to pangi being european time zone and lifesteal being overwhelmingly american. it's harder for pangi to form strong bonds or get super involved in things when people are just... not online at the same time as him.

uhhhh also if u just want to jump in w s6 u can do that. pangi hasn't had any Big Lore this season you can just start watching him. go for it. clown doesn't really stream it bc he hates us but he hasn't done much in s6 so far so if he starts doing stuff, again, you won't be missing things, u can just jump in

i was going to talk more about the lore for each season beyond whether i recommend it, since you mostly wanted me to give summaries that catch you up, buuuuuut this post is already absurdly long. most of my favorite pangi vods either got made into videos or i mostly enjoy them for other characters (e.g. there are at least three pangi s4 vods i really like because zam is being incredibly suicidal in them lol) BUT. have the princezam-pangi divorce vod from s5 in which zam tries to spawnkill pangi bc zam needs hearts and pangi gets away and then they argue for like an hour. this is the aforementioned stream that never got made into a video. i know it is a zam pov stream but i really like it for pangi as well :3

if you prefer vods to edited videos and want me to recommend a few others that did make it to videos, or if you want a more in-depth summary of any of the seasons: just send another ask and i will happily yap more!!! this is kinda all over the place bc i'm sick rn but i will do my best. i am torn between "i hope this wasn't too long" and "i am worried it should have been significantly longer in order to actually answer your questions abt lore instead of just linking videos" lol but ! as i said feel free to just, send another ask, u have no idea how excited i was to get this ask, i love talking about lifesteal ^w^

[froggerland]

"send me a character and I'll give you my opinion on them" henry peglar!

First Impression: I'm gonna be so fr with you and say that I didn't clock he and Bridgens were a thing basically until the final boat scene bc I thought they were father and son sggdhshsu (I'm so sorry, I did my first terror watch with 20% attention max, many more such cases). I liked him well enough tho, he has sad puppy energy but in a very different way than Ned

Impression Now: My God homosexuals are real. I adore Bridglar, I honestly can't believe it's canon and not just vaguely hinted at but no they are real and they're fucking tragic. I gotta say besides his dynamic with Bridgens there isn't much to him in my eyes, I'm not in deep enough to recall every scene hes ever in, he's really just a side character but that's totally fine with me

Favorite Moment: The frightened puppy eyes he gives Bridgens after showing him the bruises from his scurvy onset and the way he clings to him. They share the most "romantic affection through physical touch (as much as victorian society would allow even at the other end of the world because its chokehold is THAT tight)" moments in the whole show and it just kills me. I feel like they both know Bridgens is lying but what else can he say, all they have is hope and each other

Idea For A Story: I want to see him and Bridgens being domestic. Idk if Stewards got their own quarters but I want to see them nestled under 726362 blankets and furs, drinking tea and reading something together. Let them be happy and touchy with one another in PEACE for once

Unpopular Opinion: I don't think there's any hot takes out there about this little man lmao. Too little screentime to be problematic

Favorite Relationship: Bridglar obv

Favorite Headcanon: In a modern setting he would either be the sweetest guy ever, that brother/uncle who everyone loves who is super good with kids and loves to babysit OR he would be the biggest incel bc of his height (Bridgens would un-incel him <3)

[topbottomswitchblade]

all trans kink group update

they're having the parties once a month now (it was every other before)

i have now fucked for an audience. my stamina was commented on by more than one person.

my partner came with me this time and we actually make a great tag team bc i like don't talk at all p much so he will do the dirty talk while holding the bottom (down or comfortingly) and tease them while i cut and/or fuck them

i also got to hold him while he subbed for impact play with someone else

i had made plans to hook up with someone, and then my partner started making plans to hook up with that person's spouse, so i said, "Wife Swap." and he relayed that to the other couple and the person he was hooking up with had made the same joke to their partner

literally putting a dragon dick in the harness to fuck this person and i see their spouse through the doorway and wave and they give me a thumbs up lmao

also the awkward social interaction that became a whole problem back in like the summer or whatever did get resolved but it took a While. for no reason. but it's all good now.

you have to get ~vetted~ for knifeplay and for a minute it was just me but i think one other person also got approved and i was like :/ that's my thing tho......... but as of now i am still the go-to Knifeplay Guy. that is how i introduce myself.

obviously it's fine if other people do knifeplay (I GUESSSSS) it was just like the thing that made me like Known and also Desirable. but i feel like i have established myself in the group enough at this point that i'm not gonna like lose my in or whatever

actually i did knifeplay with 2 ppl i had already played with and 1 new person. someone else asked me about it just out of curiosity and one person has been debating trying it so we shall see.

and i made sure to mark up my partner the night before so they had my name on their leg and "HIT HERE" on his lower back with arrows pointing to his ass

[wardingshout]

Since I didn't draw anything for like half of 2024 I did an updated colour wheel instead! featuring only the newest of stuff I could find that fit.

I have also compiled a dump of many thoughts I want out of my head, like a little text post dump I guess. the tldr I guess I will just make "thank you".

Putting the most important thing first here which is. Every single time I catch myself thinking "no I need to draw smth other than alttp" a couple of very specific tags and messages pop into my head and I get so fired up to draw more alttp !!! the power I feel from that!!!!!

IIIIII feel like there used to be a way to do linebreaks but I can't remember how so my new text bit divider is random crap I can find lying around in my files

Ok here goes me being dramatic about something that only matters to me but feels so very important to get out for the sake of others too. I guess the gist of it is that tumblr is a rly important place to me and I'm so endlessly grateful for people always being so nice. at the end of the day I don't think I really care about much else in life than drawing and getting to share it with others makes it a much less lonely experience for me. I mostly just for myself, but I'm so grateful for the extra joy associated with posting it online too.

I feel a bit bad I can never seem to give back the kind of nice energy you guys give me. despite how much joy this place brings me, I'm just a naturally anxious person and I often chicken out of doing things myself. I'm so endlessly happy that people still bear with me or at least stick around to look at my art.

thanks to people's kindness I often find myself breaking out of the anxiety and getting a lot closer to initiating stuff myself, but I always get run over by some kind of irl issue instead, usually mental, but recently also physical health. I had so much fun on here this summer especially and I was so certain that this was the time I would make it last only for irl stuff to yet again show up and knock me out completely. every time that happens I feel like I have to rebuild whatever social bravery I had aquired from the beginning again and at this rate I won't ever get anywhere.

after weeks of very few work days, I feel like I'm finally rebuilding the courage to post and the concentration to manage drawing at all. it's not a lot of progress but I can feel it growing. from tomorrow it's back to full time work with no other breaks in sight and I'm scared my groove will be cut short already... I like my job but I've acknowledged I just can't thrive with full time work. I can bear it fine though, but it doesn't leave energy for much else in life.

I think the point here is. I know it's just social media but I've had so many good experiences on here and they're really precious to me. I hope one day I can be well enough to be that kind of influence for others too. my activity with art and presence online has become surprisingly reflective of how well or bad I'm doing irl, so I never I never want to give up on become a more present person.

the most important thing is art though, so finding the courage to get back to posting even if it's all I do, makes me happy too. thank you so much to everyone else who posts are too. I'm endlessly excited about all the cool things I get to experience and see online, thank you!

it is absolutely absurd how many drafts I have of just very frustrated moments where literally all I type is "if I have to be sick one more time I will lose my absolute mind holy shit" and having just been sick again? really feeling that !!!! it's also like. frustrating to feel you're making progress mentally and then you constantly get knocked into bed by phsyical health instead like come on I'm finally learning how to get Out of that place... and then every time you get sick, routunes have to be rebuild all over after, it suuuuucks....

I finally got a PC which has been absolutely life saving, However. I am still drawing on tegaki only... I'm so excited I can get back to bigger works on csp but I've gotten so used to seeing only my tegaki stuff, I'm scared of how much I'll suddenly hate my art when I see it differently again... hating your own art is probably a feeling that will never disappear but even so. I think I'm at a pretty content place right now and I'm worried about shaking it up. I can't let something like that knock me down when I'm only finally getting back to drawing regularly again... I already copied over the palette for some comfort so hopefully I can find a brush that feels similar too! at least I'm super excited about getting to pick some more colours !

and a very belated tag game thing !! I completely lost the original post by now but it was from @lele5429 and I've had it in my drafts this whole time, so better late than never to fill it out!

Last song: Alt Hvad Jeg Vil by Von Quar

Fav colours: warm yellows or light oranges!

Last book: switching between Assassin's Quest and Our Wives Under The Sea!

Last movie: The Princess Bride I think?? it was long ago so I feel like I'm forgetting something else though...

Last tv show: my roomie and I binged Twin Peaks season 3 as well as most of True Detective over christmas break we went Ham

Sweet/spicy/savoury: sweet !!

Relationship status: not interested

Last thing I googled: "nosferatu rats"... I see.....

Current obsession: alttp auish shenanigans... this one has not changed since I first drafted my response to this... on one hand I feel like I'm just filling out the gaps between games, but on the other it's getting very close to full au stuff... I always wanted to draw comics but had no ideas and for the first time in my life I'm drowning in ideas and fully held back by fear and skills haha

Looking forward to: actually surprisingly nothing at all? I'm looking forward to whatever good times I can create for myself I guess. the last few things I was looking forward to didn't go so well, so maybe it's nice to have nothing but the most normal and boring daily life ahead haha

[july-19th-club]

everybody in the goodreads one-stars dislikes outlander because it's got too much rape and dubcon in it, which is fair and is in fact what turned me off of the show in college. but many of them dont like the sex in this book in a puritanical way and they're WRONG it's not bad because it's sex! it's not even necessarily bad because it's sexualized violence. it's bad because it's poorly contextualized, not justified by the text enough to bear as much repetition as it gets, and neither fits nor deconstructs the genre it's trying to play around with.

like, the marriage/sex/punishment-by-force fantasy is clearly a fetish of gabaldon's, so the book bends over backwards to present opportunities for it whether they make story sense or not, and in so doing gives readers a skewed understanding of the period and location it's simultaneously attempting to do historical fiction in. WHICH WOULD BE FINE IF: this was georgette heyer we were talking about, por ejemplo, and the whole scene was established as the kind of pseudo-history fantasy realm such fetishes often take place in. after all, there's a particular brand of time-tested romance fiction where the whole conceit is a fluttery but undeniable "but you don't understand - i had no other choice!" which allows our heroine the chance to indulge sexually without being considered a slut (see dan lavery's piece on this subject). which i think is what gabaldon's trying to do with the plot contortions that require claire to get married, and then REQUIRE their marriage to be consummated With Witnesses, and then REQUIRE him to beat her in order to maintain standing...etc, etc, etc. a good british woman doesn't want to commit adultery, a good british woman doesn't like it rough, a good british woman doesn't get off on humiliation, etc. which, described that way, almost talks me back into the whole idea.

except the description i just gave is not how it reads in the book. in the book there's no indication that she's performing mental gymnastics to get past her hangups, or that there's some underlying Understanding between characters, author, and reader. it reads like she's married a budding young abuser who claims 'this is normal here' to get what he wants. WHICH brings us to the whole 'savage man-beast...but i WANT him...but he's so violent! but i can TAME him' trope. it's only this side of racist here because the scottish people in this book are white. this man can't be expected to have respectful attitudes, those are modern. and he's from a strong, manly culture! and there's no use looking around for some other kind of guy, because everybody's like that here, and that's history, man. there's a scene in this book where her tarzan in tartan believes that all sex is doggie style and is shocked to learn it isn't. this scene made it into the show.

what im trying to say is. she's both trying to write serious hist fic AND trying to have the protagonist get raped every other page so as to justify the amount of sex in the book. like...i feel insane saying she's doing it wrong when i read carey with gusto, but again, there we are in the 'context' issue. carey's context is that the protagonist is a) a professional sex worker and b) a confirmed masochist, so it's no shock to the reader when she goes to have sex with a patron and he lays into her with a flail. people who don't want BDSM aren't going to be reading Jacqueline Carey. she even has goddamn safewords, for chrissake. and while it absolutely can be argued that the absence of a declared scene in-text IS part of the fantasy for some readers - and must be for at least a few of the outlander fanbase, since people think these books are sexy - there's just too much failure to commit. either claire is into it or she's not, either this is a wish fulfillment kink book or it's hist fic. a better writer might be able to thread that needle in such a way as to keep it both sexy and consistent, but gabaldon's not that writer. her fetishes come off uncomfortably; her details are sometimes wrong enough that even not very historically minded readers point them out and find themselves jarred out of the story.

and...worst of all? she's not at all interested in the time travel aspect of her book, which may not seem like the worst sin here, but let me go out by tying this into its origins. she based the books on doctor who, a show about travel through time and space. rarely do her 1740s characters make it to the 1940s, where the story starts - she doesn't care about the nineteen forties, or later the sixties, after the time skip. they are where stodgy frank is from. they are where claire is exiled after she's torn away from her highland lover! she doesn't care about this timeline except insofar as they constitute a Modern place (but not too modern!) to act as a bland counterweight to the pull of those glorious days of old. the interplay of timelines is never really about culture shock or culture sharing, never really about what it would be like to survive culloden and then find out about the nineteen sixties. not in a funny, lighthearted way; not in a serious, all-implications-delved-into way. in diana gabaldon's time travel, the twentieth century is only there to get away from, to leave for some imagined romantic past where men are real men, women are real women, and small furry creatures from alpha centauri - except, wait. we don't know, do we, if the small furry creatures from alpha centauri are real small furry creatures from alpha centauri. in diana gabaldon's story, the scottish guy doesn't even go anywhere near alpha centaurai. truly there's no fixing this one.

[veggiesxxx]

POV: You spend time with a guy "behind their back." (Part 3/4)

(reader is NOT cheating!!)

ft. Jealousy, fluff,

𝒵𝒶𝓎𝓃𝑒

3pm. Your upcoming consultation with Dr. Zayne was in about...15 minutes, give or take if he wasn't too busy with a troublesome patient. You sat in the waiting room of Akso hospital, fiddling with your fingers, waiting for your appointment with the surgeon.

"Y/N! Hey, hey... Long time no see!" A cheerful voice pulled you from the mindless gazing around the room you had been doing. You straightened out your shirt, not wanting to look sloppy in front of an acquaintance.

"Oh, hey..!' Your lips played into a smile, quickly taking in your friend's appearance. You noticed a small box of exquisite chocolates in his hand, and they had a cute ribbon tied to it, like a gift. "Who's the lucky girl?" You teased, eyeing the box.

"Ah.. They're just for you. Don't think so much about it.. Didn't know what you liked– and I know I missed your birthday. Sorry about that." He answered sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, eyes on the polished floor.

'Oh- me? That's sweet. Thank you so much-" you said, touched by the gesture. You were just about to take the chocolate from him, when an authoritative voice rang out.

"She can't have them."

Huh?

You raised your head, averting your gaze to the direction the familiar voice had come from. Your friend looked up, puzzled, arm still outstretched to give you the box, pausing mid-way. You blinked in confusion.

"Dr. Zayne?"

"Sorry.. who is this?" Your friend's confused voice echoed your own perplexed remark.

"I'm her doctor," He replied coolly, expression somewhere between subtle annoyance and false politeness. He placed himself a little between you and your coworker, effectively joining the little exchange. Your friend's outstretched arm fell to his side, the chocolate box hanging loosely in his grip.

"Is she sick? Y/N, are you allergic? I'm so sorry-"

"No- no, I'm not." You quickly clarified, not wanting to tell an untruth to someone who you didn't meet too long ago. The man tried to hand you the box again after your confirmation, only to be blocked by Zayne.

"She can't have sugar.. You'll have to keep them." Zayne used a gloved hand to push the chocolate box back firmly towards the other man, his words telling him one thing, but his eyes were telling a different story.

"She says she's fine, though." Your friend tilted his head, obviously skeptical.

"Sorry. Doctor's orders."

After a moment, you sighed, defeated, shifting in your seat to make eye contact with your friend. Apologetically, you shook your head. "Uhm.. You should go, I'll see you another day."

At a loss of what to do, he heeded your advice and nodded, bidding an awkward goodbye to you and Zayne before heading out of the hospital.

"What was that about?" you frowned, standing up.

"Your health."

"Really? Well then, I'm sure everything is alright now." Your eyes narrowed, tone sarcastic, moving to look Zayne in the eye. He turned around to face you. 'You can't just do that," you added.

He didn't respond, expression softening, though his posture remained unyielding. He gestured for you to follow him to his office for your consult. You first wanted to refuse, and not follow until he apologised or something, but you also wanted to have the freedom to chide him.

"I 'can't have sugar'? Aren't we going to a dessert café right after your shift?" You replied, trailing behind him.

"It's different."

"How?"

"I'll supervise whatever you consume."

You realised it was quite impossible to argue with Zayne a long time ago— this man could be so very stubborn if he wanted to. Like an unmoving ice wall.

"You could've let me handle it-"

"I could've," he acknowledged. "But that would have also included you accepting the gift."

You sighed, shaking your head, though a small, fluttery feeling bubbled up in your chest despite your annoyance. “Zayne, you can’t just scare off everyone who gives me a gift.”

“I didn’t scare him,” Zayne said defensively, his voice lowering as he leaned in slightly. “I just… prioritised your health."

"Right.. because doctor's orders.." You mocked lightly.

"I did him a favour. He just doesn't know it yet." He answered nonchalantly, pushing open the door to his office, letting you in. You took a seat on his little sofa.

"A favour?" You repeated incredulously, raising a brow. "For what, exactly?"

"To not waste his time on someone he can't have." Zayne sounded calm, casually adjusting the stethoscope into his ear, pressing the cold chest piece over your heart. After a minute, he removed it. "It's fast,"

"What?"

"Your heart. But there's no fluctuation. Still, would be safer if I conducted a quick test."

"You're being ridiculous.. You can't scare off my colleague then proceed like nothing happened-!" you complained, but not resisting when his fingers lightly pushed against your shoulder, lowering you to lay on the sofa. He pushed up his glasses, expression unchanged, raising his eyes to look at you.

"Consider this an official prescription then: No accepting gifts from other men." He had a little smile on his face, like he was very happy with himself.

"...Why do I put up with you?" you asked, exasperated.

"..Because you know I'll always take care of you."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧༶

Hope you enjoyed!!

Next :

╰┈➤ Xavier (Part 4/4) [coming soon]

Previously :

╰┈➤ Sylus (Part 2/4)

[gnckholin]

okay I need to preface this with yes I like having representation and anyone who's been around my blog long enough should know that renarin is my specialest little guy him and him and rlain are very cute and if y'all really need it this is coming from the perspective of a queer man if you turn this into a pissing on the poor type deal I will simply block you but. now that I've had time to stew on it.

the rlainarin arc was a bit boring.

part of this is I think rooted in Brandon trying to be a Good Ally™ doing Good Representation™ and he worked a lot with sensitivity readers to make sure things are handled well but it just felt a bit... tokenizing? like they were in the spiritual realm as a bit of plot convenience but also it kinda felt like an excuse to keep them relevant enough to give them pov chapters. and it's cute! don't get me wrong! but also every other characters get emotional arcs about growing as a person and they got...trying to ask your crush out? it felt very out of place.

now you might be saying hold on! they're not primarily pov characters you can't expect as much nuance emotionally as someone like kaladin. and you're right! but let's look at the other supporting cast members here. jasnah gets the struggle of power and her entire attempt to keep thaylenah which results in a meaningful paradigm shift for her! navani gets to work on her connection with the sibling and uncover the past. we don't even really see much of relationship between renarin and glys much less rlain and tumi. sure they may have been good representation! but they were mediocre arcs. even in the discussions I'm seeing lately of favorite parts, it's not that people have disliked it it's just...nothing to write home about?

it also feels particularly weird to have an arc around "my family will think it's weird" when it's been pretty well established that alethi in general are like. fine with queerness. and sure you can say "well they're nobles" but at this point renarin is in line for 0 titles. dalinar was only going to give king of urithiru to someone who wanted it, jasnah planned on being the last queen of alethkar, there's literally no point? it feels a little love Simon. and yes absolutely in modern western culture people can feel weird about coming out to people who would be accepting and that's fine! but that's also rooted in real world homophobia which alethkar doesn't seem to have.

even when we compare with the other canonically queer stormlight character, it just kinda. . .falls flat. part of this is that shallan wasn't intended to be queer but honestly it feels like it reads well. she doesn't have to turn to camera and say she's different she's bisexual she can just be a person. she can fall in love with adolin she can get flustered around jasnah veil can call women hot and it's like. fine. and it feels more authentic to the setting! a lot of the rlainarin arc in WAT felt like it was meant to be educational. for cishet people. and like that's fine! but it doesn't make for an engaging character arc. I can't even say it really makes for good reading.

and look, I get it, we all like seeing them get flustered and worry about what the other one thinks and we all get to be excited when they confess their feelings and kiss but it just feels so tonally dissonant that like. I can't believe this was intended to fit into the main plot. it feels a bit patronizing - like look we have good healthy representation now! I'm doing so good at this! and genuinely from the bottom of my heart it's thrilling that the largest name in fantasy is willing to do this even more so considering the religious background he's writing from I'm not writing all this to say Brandon is a bad guy or secretly a homophobe I'm just saying. I wish we had more, y'know? something less feel good for the cishets for being good allies something with more of a real plot that engages with the themes of the series and whatnot. I'm looking forward to arc 2 (in like 10-15 years)! I'm looking forward to more rlain and renarin and their dynamic! I just hope it feels less. educational.

anyway a lot of this was directly inspired by verilybitchie's video on good representation it really helped me out my finger on why their arc felt a bit flat so please go check it out she's a great creator.

[eggrollforyou]

First Tattoo

Law x F!reader

CW: sfw, fluff and silliness

Summary: a (not so short- I swear I can't write anything short) blurb about reader being nervous for her first tattoo and asks Law to come to settle her nerves

A/N: thanks for this request @dreamcastgirl99 ! I had fun with it. Especially trying to incorporate the last lines. Every time I get a tattoo I hear it from the artists when I don't flinch 🤣 I hope you enjoy!! 💚

Your mind was made up, you had your tattoo design picked out, you had your appointment set up and suddenly, it was appointment day. Being your first tattoo you were SUPER nervous. It hurts right? It's gotta hurt. How bad does it hurt? Oh my God what am I doing? This is permanent. Do I really like the design we discussed? You think to yourself in rapid succession, biting your nails. Your face and chest feel hot. Your nerves are getting to you, quickly. “L-law?” You cry out, panic in your voice. He pokes his head into the room, “Hmm?” He says your name, “what's up?” his response laced with concern.

“I don't think I can do this. What if I regret this tattoo? It's stuck with me forever!” your voice on the verge of breaking. He chuckles, “It’ll be FINE! What you want is beautiful and you'll cherish it. It's just nerves. Want me to come with you for comfort?” He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Yes, please,” you whisper sheepishly, feeling slightly better knowing he'll be there with you.

You're on the island where you have your tattoo scheduled. Walking to the shop, you find yourself rambling- word vomit, when you're nervous. “They're going to disinfect the area, shave any hair, he'll put the stencil where you want it, and they just follow the stencil. It's really routine. You'll be fine,” Law attempts to reassure you for the umpteenth time. You shake your nerves out of your hands as you stand in front of the shop. “Ok. That sounds easy enough. Let's do this,” as Law presses a quick kiss on your temple.

“Alright, little lady. You ready to do this?” The tattoo artist has your tattoo stencil placed, he's got his gun, needle ready as he looks up at you from his chair. Your heart starts pounding again, you feel it like your heart will burst from your chest.

Hearing only the roar of your blood in your ears, you take a deep breath looking at Law. Your eyes are wide, you're trying to center yourself instead of panicking. He moves his chair next to you and grabs your hand, “You don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he whispers. “Will it hurt?” you ask with a slight tremble in your voice. As he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, you take another breath. “Well, yea. I mean it hurts like hell,” Law was never one to mince words, even with you, despite the softness he showed only to you.

He senses your unease and clears his throat “But the spot you picked isn't super sensitive. Plus, you're YOU. You're tough. I've seen you go toe to toe with the scrappiest pirates in dark, dingy, bars,” he winks. You chuckle with him, taking a breath, and nod at the tattoo artist, “I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.” He presses the needle to start and you twinge in pain, trying your hardest to keep still. It's a strange sensation. Like your skin is being scraped and pinched at the same time. After about 30 seconds you realize This actually isn't as bad as I thought. I can handle this.

You look over at Law and he smiles at you, “See? Everything is fine, right?” He studies your face to gauge where you're at. You exhale a long forceful breath, “Yea, it's actually not as bad as I thought. It was the nerves making it worse,” you chuckle. After an hour and a half, your tattoo is done. The artist moves so you can check it out in the mirror leaning against the wall. “So? How do you like it?” The artist and Law both ask. Your heart skips at the sight and you shake your hands in excitement, “Oh my gosh, I LOVE it! And it barely even hurt!” Law scoffs, “Tch, barely hurt? What are you talking about?” The tattoo artist laughed, throwing his head back, “Women always handle the pain better than men.” You can't help but laugh when you see Law glaring daggers at the shop owner.

Tags: @shy-writer-999

Dividers by @/cafekitsune