#i feel like myself in way i haven’t in a while??
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what do u think riki’s kinks are
KINKS
PAIRING — ni-ki + f!reader
WARNINGS — dom riki mostly, it’s just descriptive with some lines here and there, we’re talking about kinks so there’s that
WORDCOUNT — 0.8K
NOTE — i don’t want to be repeating myself from my previous works so let’s do with the ones i haven’t done yet. it’s ok if yall don’t agree with me, these are just my personal opinions !
Toys. He’d love the idea of teasing you with them, maybe fucking a dildo into you or pressing a vibrator against your clit until you were trembling. And if he caught you using them while he was gone? Oh, he’d make sure to turn it into some sort of punishment.
“C’mon, angel,” he taunted, his voice low and teasing as he pressed the vibrator against your clit just enough to make you squirm. His other hand worked the dildo in and out of you at a slow, deliberate pace. “You were fucking yourself on this earlier, couldn’t even wait for me. So now, this is all you get.”
Bondage. He’d definitely be the type to tie you up, relishing the control it gave him. Whether it was your hands bound behind your back or stretched upright, or your legs tied open to keep you completely exposed, he didn’t care as long as you couldn’t stop him from doing exactly what he wanted. He loved the sight of you spread out, helpless to his every touch, unable to hide from the pleasure he gave or the punishment he delivered.
“You’re sensitive?” he’d murmur, a sly grin spreading across his face as he pounded into you relentlessly. “I never imagined you’d be this sensitive, but I love it.”
Size kink. Have you seen his build? He’d absolutely use it to his advantage. His massive hands would engulf yours, his broad frame could easily cover you completely, and no matter your height or build, he’d always make you feel small. Especially when it came to the size of his cock—he’d relish the way it stretched you, the slight bulge it created against your stomach, or how easily he could manhandle you into positions you never thought possible. Greedy and insatiable, he’d do whatever it took to have you just the way he wanted.
“You’re so tiny beneath me, baby,” he groaned, his voice thick with satisfaction. His hand drifted down, caressing the visible bulge in your stomach. “Look at you,” he murmured, his tone low and teasing, “taking my cock so perfectly.”
“Too much?” he’d tease, thrusting in slowly, his grin widening. “But I’m not even fully in yet. Just wrap your legs around me, angel. I know you can take all of me. Wanna be a good girl for me, right?”
Dacryphilia. He probably didn’t even realize it until he saw you like this—your lips stretched around his cock, tears and drool spilling down your face as you took him deeper. The sight drove him wild, something about you spurring him on, sending a rush of heat straight through him. He’d wipe away your tears with his thumb, the motion surprisingly tender, even as his hips kept moving, his voice low and strained.
“F-Fuck, you’re so pretty like this,” he’d groan, his head falling back for a moment before his eyes met yours again. “Feels so good, angel. You’re the only one who can make me feel like this, y’know?”
Choking. He loved using his big hands to grip your neck, especially when he was wearing rings. The cold metal pressing against your flushed skin made your head spin. His grip was firm, just enough to leave you breathless, or sometimes he’d use it to hold you up from behind.
Neck grabs, deep grunts, the desperate roll of his hips against yours. “You wanna cum, yeah? Then cum for me, baby,” he growled, his voice heavy with need.
“Haa, tired already?” he mocked, his tongue clicking in feigned disapproval. “Tsk, tsk, tsk... always leaving me to do all the work.” His hand tightened around your neck as he pulled you up, continuing to thrust into you without missing a beat.
Missionary. He’d absolutely thrive on seeing the raw effect he had on you. With his cock buried deep inside you, he’d watch every flicker of pleasure on your face, loving the way your lips parted for soft moans or how your body twitches when he teased your sensitive nipples.
“Look at me, pretty,” he’d murmur, his voice deep and commanding. “I wanna see how good I make you feel.”
Eye contact would be non-negotiable. He needed to see the way your gaze melted with desire, and if you wanted to cum, you’d have to look right at him.
“You’re close?” he’d ask, smirking as he slowed to a torturous pace, drawing a whine from you. You begged him, finally locking your eyes with his.
If you didn’t? He’d slow down, torturously edging you, leaving you trembling, desperate, and on the brink of tears. Only when you finally obeyed, locking your eyes with his, would he give in, pounding into you relentlessly until you were completely undone.
“Eyes open, sweetheart,” he cooed, his thrusts picking up again. “Yeah, that’s my girl. Gonna cum for me now, mhm?”
#( tfwbluu )#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#enhypen smut#enha smut#niki smut#niki x reader#riki smut#riki x reader#ni ki smut#ni ki x reader
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Suppose to be You
•🖤🍑🏹🧟♀️•
Summary: You’re Shane’s girlfriend but when the apocalypse hits you find him changing and find yourself leaning more towards the only person who gives you the time of day, also you’re Rick’s younger sister
Pairing: Shane x f!reader, Daryl Dixon x f!reader
Warning: Shane’s a cheater obvi, harsh words, Merle
•Masterlist•
I first met Shane when my older brother Rick first started bringing him around the house, I never thought much of him but as we got older he started flirting and we only started dating when I turned 22, about a year ago, it’s been fun but then I lost my brother and then the world got taken over by walkers and that leads to now, camped out in a quarry on the outskirts of Atlanta
We took my sister in law, Lori and my nephew with us but after being here for a while Shane’s been treating me differently, like I’m just a burden to him
Sitting around the fire I’m sat across from Shane as he’s right next to Lori, I understand him wanting to console her her husband died, but he was my brother and I’m Shane’s girlfriend I just thought he’d try to console me even just a little
“You alright sweetie?” Dale asks from next to me
“Oh I’m fine thanks for asking though” I smile trying to brush it off but inside I’m hurting deeply like I’m loosing everything
“I think I’m just gonna head to bed early” I say standing up to leave, all Shane did was glance at me before his eyes went back to the fire, Carl got up and gave me a quick hug
“Night auntie y/n” he smiles, he’s always been the sweetest kid
“Night honey” I walk away as the cool of the night started to envelope me, instead of going back to the tent I went down to the quarry shore, I knew how to take care of myself around walkers I just need to be alone
I sat down feeling all the pressure weighing down on my chest, I lost my brother, then the world ends and now my boyfriend treats me like garbage, what else do I have…….whats the point
Finally letting the tears fall I let it all out before I hear branched snapping behind me, I turn nervously wiping the tears away sighing in relief when I realize it’s just Daryl Dixon, thankfully not accompanied by his ass of a brother Merle
“What’re ya doin down here alone” he asks his eyes squinted at me but for some reason he didn’t make me nervous
“Ummm just needed to get away, what’re you doing down here?”
“Just came back from a hunt saw ya down here……wanted ta check on ya”
My heart skipped a beat, something I haven’t felt in a long time now
“Come on let’s get ya ta bed” he huffed motioning back towards the path, it was a silent walk up to the camp but it was a comfortable silence
I got to mine and Shane’s tent when I hear his fast heavy footsteps heading our way
“The hell are you doing alone with Daryl Dixon” he groans gripping my arm and roughly pulling me away from Daryl
“Shane that hurts, he was just keeping me company” I look back at Daryl and I swear if looks could kill Shane would definitely be dead on the ground
“Get lost Dixon, go back to your dick of a brother” Daryl’s eyes landed on mine and I could see them soften before he left, the further the got the more I wanted to run to him instead of being near the person I should be safe with
“The hell were you thinking”
“Like you’d care” I sigh looking down to the ground
“What’re you talking about you’re my girlfriend of course I care”
“I can’t do this right now Shane I just wanna go to bed, I think I’m gonna stay with Carl tonight, Lori can stay with you bet she’ll love that” I brush him off and walk past him to the smaller tent Carl and Lori stayed in, thankfully they were still out so I could just finally have a moment of peace
How could I feel more peace and safety around a redneck man that I barely know, than my boyfriend I’ve known almost my whole life
I quickly drifted off to sleep welcoming the darkness
•
I woke up early the next morning to the subtle chirping of birds, I quietly left the tent trying not to wake up a still sleeping Carl
Looking around there wasn’t anyone up yet so I went at sat at the camp fire that still had some embers burning
“Hey, what’re ya doing up so early” I hear next to me seeing it’s Daryl again, usually he’d have a snippy attitude with the others in the camp but lately he’s been nice to me and I honestly didn’t care why I just needed someone to cheer me up
“Just couldn’t sleep much I guess, I’ve got a lot on my mind” I say poking at the fire
“Here” he grunted handing me a granola bar he must’ve gotten from his stash
“Thanks”
Then he was gone dissapearing through the thick tree line most likely going for a hunt again
Slowly people started to filter out of their tents and start getting ready for the day, I see Shane making his way towards me with his typical scowl that he never use to use towards me, I look away and turn my back to him
“Have you calmed down since last night” I scoff looking up at him as he towered over me trying to scare me asserting his dominance
“Just leave me alone, you only act like I matter when someone else is giving me attention, tell me do you even love me anymore?” He paused for a moment before answering
“Of course you just gotta stop being selfish I’m trying to console a grieving widow”
“Yeah well he was my brother Shane, did you forget that, just get away from me” I brush past him going towards the trees for some peace and quiet but when I’m deeper in the woods I feel him behind me squeezing my shoulder and he pushes me against a tree
“Shane what are you doing let me go”
“You better watch your mouth don’t forget who saved you when all this started” now he’s trying to guilt trip me
“I could’ve made it on my own, I probably would’ve been happier alone” he raised his hand before a bow zipped between us landing on the tree next to us
“You touch her like that again don’t think I would beat your ass down” Daryl growled coming closer taking my hand and putting me behind him as he stared down Shane
“You think you could take me Dixon, you may be a filthy redneck but don’t think I won’t take YOU”
“Shane just go away, why don’t you go check on poor Lori” I say holding onto Daryl’s arm tighter out of fear, a fear I’ve never felt around Shane before
He huffed before tromping off back towards the camp, when he was far enough away I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as I let all the emotions flood me
“God Daryl I’m so sorry to get you mixed in this, I don’t…..I don’t know why he’s like this, he never us to treat me like this and I’m…..I’m scared to be around him now” he takes both my shoulders in his hands and makes me face him gently
“It ain’t yer fault peach, I’ve been around my share of angry men and he’s a ticking time bomb, ya can’t be stay around him”
“If you can’t tell I don’t have no where else to go” my chest felt like it had a thousand bricks on it
“Ya can stay next ta me, we got an extra tent”
“Are you sure, what about Merle won’t he be mad”
“I can deal with that grump, come on let’s get ya settled” I’ve never heard Daryl speak so much but I can’t complain he’s like my saviour right now
•
We got the little tent sat up next to him that was a bit further away from the others but I didn’t care much, the further I am from Shane the better
“Thanks for all this Daryl” I say as we both finally settle down around the fire he sat up since night was falling
“Look at this, my lil bro got himself some tail” Daryl was cut of before he could speak by Merle’s grating voice as he plopped down across from us at the fire
“Merle give it up”
“She staying here now, good ta know we got some action right next door” he grins that sends unsettling chills down my spine
“I’m not doing that Merle for the thousandth time, I just needed some space”
“Finally figured out yer cop boyfriend is cheatin on ya?” My heart stopped, suddenly everything made sense, why he always stayed with Lori, why they’d both dissapear at the same time, why Lori could barely look me in the eyes
“Oh my god I feel so stupid how did I not notice I must look so pathetic to everyone” I groan as I drop my head in my hands
“He dont deserve ya, he’s the pathetic one” Daryl said softly as I heard Merle’s steps retreating into his tent, Daryl must’ve shooed him off
“You know why my brother first got shot I was a mess, couldn’t leave his side I was always so filled with anxiety I was basically wasting away but one day Shane convinced me to take a day to myself so I did, I went home and cleaned up and everything, the next thing I know Shane is busting in dragging me to the truck telling me everyone is dropping like flies and my brothers dead, then suddenly he treats me like a piece of trash, only Lori mattered, and…..he almost hit me today, that’s not the man I knew something’s wrong with him, sure he’s always been a bit hot tempered but this is different and all I can think about is……what is he comes after me again but no one’s there to help me” I sigh finally letting everything off my chest
“Ya ain’t goin no where alone anymore, I’ll protect ya” he said gently placing a hand on my back for a moment before it was gone again
“I can’t ask that of you, I’m not your problem”
“Believe it or not, yer the only person in this camp that doesn’t drive me up the wall, I’d like ta keep ya around a lil longer” he smiled as his words cheered me up a bit, I’ve never seen him genuinely smile and it’s making me feel all light headed
“Let’s head to bed……it’s been a long day” I stand up heading to my little tent as he did his next to mine
“Night D”
“Night Peach” his gaze stayed on me for a moment longer before he entered his tent, only making me think what life would be like if I had met Daryl first maybe I’d me happier
•
Part.2<-
#twd fanfiction#twd daryl#twd x reader#daryl dixion imagine#daryl dixon#twd fluff#daryl dixon x reader#twd negan#twd rick#daryl dixon twd#shane walsh#daryl x reader#daryl imagines#daryl fanfiction#shane walsh x reader#Rick grimes x sister#daryl dixion smut#daryl dixon smut#the walking dead daryl#twd
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ᯓᡣ𐭩better every time˖ ݁𖥔
paige x reader (18+)
𐙚 part 1🐈⬛
˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ wc : 2.5k
𖥔 ݁˖ cw : SMUT, first person p.o.v, petplay ahhh, the word sl*t, swearing, all that great stuff
˖ ݁𖥔 summary : a package arrives from paige, what could it be?
˖ ݁ a/n : hii srry if this sucks i haven’t written smut in years. not rlly edited.
p.b
did you get my gift,kitten?
me
yes, but i haven’t opened it
this kitten thing is just forever now huh :/
p.b
lol open the box and you tell me
We hadn’t seen each other in a week now, and even our last time was brief. Practice, games, school preoccupied all Paiges’ time, and I was getting swamped with work and my demanding minimum wage job. Still managing to slip a suggestive message or picture in between.
We had responsibilities. It was best for it to stay that way. For me to stay busy. That time apart would help me ground myself from getting completely enthralled in the tall girls icey eyes.
I felt embarrassingly moody last month when we didn’t meet up for a week opposed to our normal 2-4 times throughout it. Which in truthfulness, was too often. A few times us not having the sex our relationship was supposed to be exclusive to.
Like when she invited me over her place to watch the worst movies we could find on Netflix, intertwined lazily on her couch until I had to go to work.
Staring sleepily at the ceiling in the dark talking to each other about anything. Everything. Until one of our tired states doesn’t let us respond anymore.
Or when she’d pleaded to come over after a long practice, showering and plopping into my bed like it was hers. I had been the big spoon, combing my hands through her hair that was still damp, until she fell asleep. This one happened more than once.
I sat up on my elbow and watched her breathe slowly, my arm wrapped around her waist from behind, thinking how she was so effortlessly cute, and sexy.How she smelled good. How she blurted out my name without me giving it to her, our first night together.
I still haven’t gathered the courage to ask how she knew it.
“God, (y/n), you’re even prettier up close...”
It rolled out like she moaned it a million times.
By now, she probably has.
I wondered, if our meeting was such a coincidence after all.
My theory made me feel full of myself. How could have Paige known me? No mutual friends, and mine sure as hell wouldn’t have forgotten to tell me Paige Bueckers asked about me. We had no classes. Paige was a year ahead of me. Sure, I seen her on campus. She never seen me. Had she? I’d have to ask if I wanted to know.
Regardless of why we saw each other, we were getting dangerously closer than usual fuck-buddies. Pushing past the boundaries of friends with benefits. The special time together, the vulnerability.
Especially now, with her sending me stuff. First, it was [your fav flower] which I offhandedly mentioned I liked. We hadn’t talked in days and then, there was a delivery guy holding them in a vase of my favorite color outside my door.
She was thinking of me. couldn’t she just text it? No, this was way more sentimental than a text. It was meant to leave me thinking about her even more than I was. To show me she was thinking of me. It wasn’t just store bought, she had to have gotten it from a florist.
I almost knocked her over the next time i saw her, saying it was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me, because it was. Paige held me while I gushed, swaying me slightly, with a smirk that read I successfully stroked her ego.
“A good way to say ‘thank you’ is for you to let me between those pretty thighs, kitty.” A chuckle escaped as she said it, though she was serious, she lets me know this with a firm grip behind me. That damn nickname. Whenever I wasn’t completely under her spell, I felt almost embarrassed hearing her say it. Responding to it. Then wasn’t one of those times. I was on my back with her perfect mouth wet from me in minutes.
p.b
omg y/n
p.b
open it alreadyyy
My phone snapped me out of my thoughts. I shuffled to my kitchen counter to open the package waiting for me. I took a picture of me from above so the box was also in frame. Smiling to myself before I hit send, knowing the sight of me in her hoodie with nothing but panties she couldn’t see underneath would drive her crazy.
me
[image]
patienceee, i’m about to rn
p.b
[hearted an attachment]
oh yea? i’ll teach u alllll abt patience ;p
Blush crept to my cheeks with a grin I couldn’t help, while I wondered what she meant.
I tore the tape down the middle and the box opened slightly on its own before I peeled both tabs back all the way. My mouth slowly falling and flustered giggles erupting from me.
It was a pink collar with a silver bell hanging from it. Next to it was a shiny chain leash, with a handle to match waiting to be attached.
me
ohmygoodness
p.b
:) yeahhhh???
p.b
you like it or you luv it ??
me
you’re insane
p.b
insanely attracted to you. yes.
p.b
now be a goodgirl & put the collar on, i’ll be there to hook the leash to it later <3
She was coming tonight? I felt nervous as if I hadn’t been on my knees for her a few nights ago, congratulating her on a win. I looked closely at what I was getting myself into.
That tingling feeling came while I went lifted it near my neck.
This girl was awakening things in me.
I’m up to the door in seconds when I hear a knock against it. It’s in a goofy rhythm, so I know exactly who it is. My hands go to fix my hair even though whatever condition it’s in is going to be gone in a minute anyway. I open it a little, then step away, and Paige happily invites herself the rest of the way in.
“My kitty.” Her pink lips give me a smile that’s so warm I feel it. That could be something else. She’s in sweatpants, air forces that always seemed to look new, and another graphic hoodie I’m eager to collect. I’m in the skimpiest nightgown I could find, with the collar snug around my neck.
She opens her arms beckoning me to hug her, it’s tight and I melt in, getting a whiff of her shampoo, her laundry detergent. Paige pulls me back and runs her hands to my butt while she takes my appearance in.
I know she’s pleased from the way she licks her top lip slightly, while her slim fingers slip underneath the fabric that stopped at the beginning of my thighs.
“Look at you, such an obedient sweetheart for me, aren’t you, mamas?” Her voice hums in my ear. “So gorgeous. I knew it’d be perfect on you.” I’m pulled into a deep kiss that makes a thick smack when we pull away, I can’t help but whimper. She goes at the crook of my neck, which is her favorite place when we see each other. Well, one of them.
Paige leaves hickies on me that I stopped bothering to cover up since the second time she proved she couldn’t help herself. I remember her telling me how it turns her on knowing I walked around with her love bites all over me. The way she knows my friends will ask, and I’ll just blush in response.
Pulling away like it pains her to, she admires her work. Her muscular body pressed against me still.
“Missed you so bad..” She says in an innocent tone, flicking the bell on my neck and mouth curling into a mischievous expression when it rings back in response. “Where’s the leash, hm?”
“Bedroom.” I tilt my head towards its direction. Blood starting to rush thinking of which scenario in my head was about to happen next. I knew she’d surprise me anyway. She grabs my hand and gently guides me there, and I follow, unapologetically looking at her with needy eyes.
As soon as we walk in it’s like a switch flips in Paige. Pushing me onto the bed, her lashes low, and her ponytail falling over her shoulder as she stares down at me, eyes full of lust, and ideas. Both her hands hold my face then they move down my neck to my shoulders, so she can push the straps to the gown away. Her mouth is on mine again as she slides it down, beyond ready to feel what’s underneath.
Traveling down my neck again with her lips that seem to get softer every-time I feel them, but this time she stops and pays special attention to my nipples that are already hard from her touch and the air. When she’s not sucking, running her tongue over, and slightly biting one she’s fondling the other gently. Moaning even as she’s doing that, which is making deep inside me stir knowing she’s just as wet as I am right now. I can’t take the teasing anymore. I need her.
“Paige..” I drag her name out with a soft whine. “I..” Stopping because she knows what it is. Her clothed body is pressing against my heat, I roll my hips so she feels it. That’s the only way she snaps out of her trance with my breasts, she gives me a mocking pout.
“Aw, what, kitty?” Her full bottom lip pokes out, but the smile she fights back still curls in the corner. “hmm? tell me, ma..”
“Fuck me,” I breathe. Her smile is full fledged now. But she waits for more. “Ugh, please, baby..I need you..” my body loved the way she forced words out of me. If she opened my legs right now the teasing wouldn’t stop, it’d just move to how wet I am.
She doesn’t open them. Paige gets up and grabs the leash from my dresser, before returning back to standing over me, legs pressed tightly together on the bed, dress down my chest nearly off.
“Turn around.” Paige says. Not asking. More than happily, I sit up. Before I can turn over she flips me herself by my hips. I let out a gasp, it turns grows into a giggle that doesn’t hide how much that turned me on. Turning to look at her, my hands and knees on the mattress, batting my lashes, my back arching. From how she mumbled profanities, as she crawled near me, my taunting did what it was supposed to.
Her fingers go in my hair to pull it to the side, and the other hand loops the collar to the leash with a satisfying click. I start to squirm.
“Too cute...” She slides the dress further down my legs, I’m basically naked, getting unreasonably flustered at her staring at my wet slit. I hear an amused grin in her voice. “Don’t you dare move.” Paige mumbles. I feel a tug on the collar, the bell chimes, a moan hums in my mouth. My eyes closing, immersing into her taking care of me.
I hear her start to slide her clothes off, them dropping to the floor. Then she’s back hovering over me, and her finger slides down me slowly. I can’t help but let my head lower down, Paige grabs the leash up.
“Noo, I wanna to hear you kitty…” She coos, leaning down near my ear. The leash making me arch until I see her face, upside down, eyes still visible against the darkness. She slides her index inside of me, I sharply inhale, and breathe out a low moan.
More are pounded out of me as she adds another digit into where I’m now practically drooling from, twisting and curling them, trying to coax my orgasm out of me. Paige stares down at me, entertained, her mouth slightly open while she works inside me. Fingers so close to her lap she’s moving her hips and hand, bouncing me up and down off them, with the help of the leash.
My eyes are hitting the back of my head, I have to concentrate to focus back in on her gaze. Her expression making my sounds of pleasure louder, closer together. I hear her grunts in her throat each time my ass hits her hips, coming down on her hand.
A knot ties tight inside me. It’s about to snap. Paige doesn’t lighten up on the leash or her strokes. The collar chokes me, and instead of complaining, I wish she’d pull tighter.
“You’re such a slut..gripping me like this…” She huffs. Her fingers rub profusely on my G spot. “About to cum, hm kitten?” Paige breaths out with a small chuckle, leaning down to kiss my back, sweat on her upper lip.
I yelp in response, barley able to grip the covers anymore, reaching back to put my hand on her hip, it makes her add another.
“P-paige, I love-“ I force myself to stop and squeal instead.
“I know, baby. Me too.” She grunts lowly back. My head is spinning, even though we probably thought the sentence ended in different ways.
My legs start trembling as a wave relief and instant exhaustion ripple through me. I feel myself go limp, the third finger sending me over the edge.
Paige lets me face plant into the duvet, letting go of the leash, cold metal hitting my sweaty back. We’re both panting, I hear Paige’s stop in between while she’s licking herself clean of me. She rubs my back with her free hand, an exhausted satisfied laugh comes from behind me. I’m not looking, I just know a smug look is plastered.
Rolling over to look at her, and she’s undoing her hair tie with the facial expression I predicted, blonde strands falling down her back, studying my flushed face. She was still naked, which makes me giddy for some reason, knowing she used to rush to throw her clothes back on.
“Come here..” I lazily wave her over. This time she does what I say. I think about saying it to tease her, but she looks so cute when she crawls on top of my chest and looks up to me, doe eyed, I kiss her forehead instead.
“It was good?” Paige asks soft, seeking reassurance, like I’m not still feeling the after effects of her hands on me. I stroke her hair tenderly, getting turned on by her warm body pressed against mine, her face on my chest.
“Great. Amazing.” I chirp back with confidence. “It gets better every time.”
“Really? I dunno if I believe that…” A toothy grin stretches on her face instead. “I guess we’ll have to go again to test it out..” she shrugs, watching me as she glided her palm up my stomach to my chest again.
I nod eagerly in agreement. I had something to ask her. I can’t remember what.
niyafics©️
#paige bueckers fanfiction#paige bueckers smut#wlw smut#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers x y/n
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Whenever I see people scrambling to dismiss the possibility that Jimin and Jungkook might be more than friends by resorting to arguments like “They’re brothers” or “Jimin said Jungkook is like his brother,” I can’t help but feel perplexed.
It’s genuinely baffling to me because, what did you expect Jimin to say? “Jungkook is my lover”? The lack of awareness in such arguments is striking, and honestly a little disheartening especially when it’s clear that many of these people haven’t taken the time to understand even the basics of queer history, the reality of being closeted, or the necessity of concealing relationships to protect oneself and loved ones in the face of societal prejudice.
When people bring up these points, I find myself asking the question “When did Jimin and Jungkook officially come out as a couple?” The answer, of course, is they haven’t. So why would anyone expect them to act in ways that are only possible for people who are openly out? If our (Jikookers) speculations about them are correct, it’s likely they are still closeted and may even be hiding their relationship from close friends and family.
This opinion might be unpopular, especially among jikookers who believe that if Jimin and Jungkook are together, their families would undoubtedly know. But I don’t think it’s that simple. In my experience, coming out isn’t an easy or universal process. It’s deeply personal and often influenced by cultural, familial, and societal factors, particularly in environments where homophobia is pervasive. I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty of why I think their parents and families might not be looped in because for many, unless you’ve lived it, known someone who has, or experienced such societal pressures firsthand, it’s difficult to fully grasp the complexities involved……..So I truly don’t see them letting their parents and families in on things as easy as many people believe it would be.
I think Jimin and Jungkook present themselves to the world as they believe the world sees them: bandmates, friends, and “brothers” from the same town. This aligns with public expectations and offers them a layer of protection. So how else would people expect them to describe their relationship?
Some might argue that they could avoid using terms like “brother,” altogether but let’s be realistic here……it likely doesn’t bother them. They know they’re not actually brothers and probably don’t view each other in that way. What’s more, I doubt they have any desire to let the public into the deeply personal aspects of their lives. While there may be a part of them that wishes to be accepted and loved for who they truly are, they likely understand that this isn’t a viable option right now.
The fear of opening a Pandora’s box of judgment and backlash likely keeps them from revealing anything beyond the surface. If calling each other “brothers” or even something as absurd as “father and son” ensures the safety of their bond, they’ll do whatever it takes to protect themselves and their relationship. That, unfortunately is what closeting sometimes entails so before you rush into my inbox thinking you’ve got a gotcha moment, remember this.
I hope people come to realize that this situation is far more complex than it seems. It’s easy to oversimplify or underestimate the challenges Jimin and Jungkook and other closeted people in homophobic societies might face but it’s crucial to remember that not everyone shares the same privileges or cultural realities. Not every society or culture is as accepting as yours might be. Not everyone has the opportunity to live their truth openly and without fear. You may not understand their choices, and you might not even relate to their struggles, but that doesn’t give you the right to dismiss or minimize them simply because their experiences don’t mirror your own.
Empathy and understanding are essential. Respect the fact that their journey, whatever it may be, is shaped by circumstances most of us can’t begin to imagine.
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Love is in Mallorca (chapter 5)
Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Fem!reader
Warnings: none
Summary: Y/n goes to Mallorca intending to leave her life behind, at least for a while. Then she meets a mysterious guy who makes this trip, to say the least, unforgettable.
Previous chapter
In the days that followed, that feeling of floating between the unknown and the familiar lingered. It was as if, with every conversation, every walk, we were getting closer to a truth he refused to reveal. Mornings were spent exploring hidden corners of the island, and nights, under the stars, were filled with laughter, casual conversations, and, underlying it all, a silence as dense as fog.
I should have been satisfied. Any ordinary person would have enjoyed the experience to the fullest, without questioning, without trying to look beneath the surface. But something in me longed for more. There was something about him that sparked my curiosity—and my heart—in a way no one else ever had.
It was on the third day, after breakfast in the village, that everything began to change.
We were standing at the top of a cliff, watching the waves crash violently against the rocks below. The wind tossed my hair, and the salty sea breeze reached us. He stood beside me, hands in his pockets, his gaze lost on the horizon.
“It’s beautiful here,” I murmured, more to myself than to him.
“It is,” he replied, his voice low, almost distant.
I looked at him, trying to understand what was going through his mind. He always seemed so present, yet so far away.
“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to just disappear for a while?” he asked suddenly, without taking his eyes off the sea.
The question caught me off guard. It wasn’t something I expected to hear, and the vulnerability in his voice made me hesitate before answering.
“Disappear?” I repeated, as if I needed time to process. “You mean… run away?”
He finally turned to me, and there was something in his eyes I had never seen before. A deep sadness, a weariness that seemed to carry the weight of the world.
“Not necessarily run away, but… hide. Find a place where you’re nobody. Where no one expects anything from you, where you can just… be yourself.”
I watched him closely, my heart pounding in my chest. This was the window I had been waiting for, the moment he might, finally, let his guard down.
“I understand,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “Sometimes it feels like the whole world is watching you, expecting you to be something you might not even want to be.”
He nodded, his intense gaze never leaving mine.
“Exactly,” he whispered.
There was a long silence, broken only by the sound of the waves crashing below. I knew I was on the verge of discovering something important, but at the same time, I feared what it might mean. Then, he took a step closer to me.
“I like who you are,” he said, his voice firm. “You see me in a way few people can. You have no expectations, no desire to fit me into a mold. And that… is something I haven’t had in a long time.”
Words stuck in my throat, because for a moment, I thought he was going to tell me who he really was. But instead, he looked away again, fixing his eyes on the distant horizon.
“I don’t know how this will end,” he continued. “But I’m grateful for every moment we’ve spent together.”
My heart ached at the sincerity of his words. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but in a way, it was what I needed.
“You know you can trust me, right?” I asked softly, trying to get him to open up, even just a little more.
He smiled, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I trust you,” he replied, but there was something in his tone that told me he was still holding back. Something that, for some reason, he couldn’t share.
We stood there, at the edge of the cliff, with the wind tossing our hair back and the constant sound of the sea crashing against the rocks below us. The physical closeness between us seemed to heighten the invisible tension, and I knew that, sooner or later, the bubble we were living in would burst.
I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t know what he was hiding or why he seemed so desperate to keep his identity a secret. But in that moment, I decided it didn’t matter. What mattered was that, no matter what he was hiding, there was a greater truth there: he was struggling with something far deeper than I could understand.
As the sun began to set, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, he turned to me again, his gaze softer than before.
“Want to have dinner?” he asked, as if the previous conversation had never happened.
I smiled, even though inside I was wondering how long he would continue avoiding the truth.
“Yes, I’d love to.”
We made our way down the slope to a small wooden cabin he had mentioned earlier. The smell of fresh food filled the air, and the sound of people laughing and chatting animatedly added life to the atmosphere. He chose a discreet table, away from the main bustle, and we sat across from each other.
This time, though, the silence between us wasn’t heavy. It was more like a temporary truce, an unspoken understanding that, at some point, everything would come to light.
While we waited for our food, he looked at me for a long moment, as if he were trying to memorize every detail of my face.
“Can I ask you a question?” he said finally, breaking the silence.
“Sure.”
“If you knew someone you met was hiding something important but wasn’t ready to tell you, would you push them? Or would you wait until they were ready?”
I swallowed hard, fully understanding what he was asking me.
“I think… I’d wait,” I replied honestly. “Because sometimes, the person needs time. And sometimes, forcing the truth can push them even further away.”
He nodded, as if relieved by my answer.
“That’s good to hear.”
The food arrived, and we began to eat, but the conversation faded into the background. The feeling that we were on the brink of something important, something that could change everything, lingered in the air.
I knew he would tell me, sooner or later. But until then, I would have to be content with the mystery and trust that, when the truth came out, I’d be ready to handle it.
And somehow, I knew that whatever he was hiding would change everything between us.
I just didn’t know if I was ready for it.
Bonus scene!
Cs55private Instagram stories
“Beautiful days with this beautiful lady”
@landonorris maaate, you went to Mallorca for 3 weeks and already found someone to spend your vacation time with?
Wow, I’m impress with your rizz
@Cs55private mate, I think I’m in love with these woman
@landonorris wait, really?
@Cs55private yes man, I’m down bad
Tag list: @lieslostinsilence @iloveallmyboys @r4zberrygirl @hoya122 @sid-is-gr8 @marvel-ous-miss-maisie @barcelonaloverf1life @dark-night-sky-99 @willowsnook @thegirlamongthestars
Next chapter
#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 x you#f1 instagram au#f1#carlos sainz smut#carlos sainz headers#carlos sainz one shot#carlos sainz 55#carlos sainz icons#carlos sainz edit#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz fanfic#carlos sainz f1#carlos sainz junior#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x female reader#carlos sainz x oc#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz masterlist#carlos sainz social media au#carlos sainz sr#carlos sainz au#carlos sainz angst#carlos sainz blurb#carlos sainz drabble#carlos sainz fluff#carlos sainz ferrari
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okay, so, i decided to make a 2024 wrapped after all. i constrained myself to works which are complete, and which i wrote on my own. i also tried to avoid including fics that are part of a wider series, and focused on standalone stories, though there is one exception.
2024 was a wild year for me! i posted / updated 53 works, and wrote 158k words. yesterday (12/25) was two years since i posted my first fic for mello/near. in those two years— and especially throughout 2024— the death note fan community has come to mean more to me than i could have ever predicted. i'm excited to keep writing and sharing my work with you all in 2025 (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
a world transformed
near POV; no kira, wammy's era
F/F | rated T | 1,700 words
In which a gift transforms the way Near understands the world.
the frost
mello POV; post-explosion kira investigation
M/M | rated T | 1,620 words
“So?” Mello shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Brushes his wrist against the handle of his gun, just to remind himself that it’s there. “What the hell do you want?” Near smirks. “Who said I wanted anything but your company?” He twirls a strand of hair around his finger. The gesture is so familiar that it makes Mello’s chest ache. “Perhaps I wished to spend time with an old friend. It’s been a long while, hasn’t it?” Mello scoffs. “Oh, is that what we are?” A tilt of Near’s head. His smile skews, bafflingly, a bit more genuine. Bizarre little bastard. “Isn’t it?”
THE END IS NEAR
near POV; post-explosion kira investigation
M/M | rated T | 1,725 words
So here they are now, in the middle of the bible belt with a disposable camera and an unspoken agreement to ignore the elephant in the room. Or— elephants, plural, because there are a whole host of things they aren’t discussing. The Kira case is one, and maybe the biggest, but they also haven’t talked about Mello’s photo or the words on the back of it, and Near hasn’t dared to voice the question that he keeps asking himself: Why am I here?
august 18, 2010 (two-hundred days)
near POV; post-kira, mello lives
M/M | rated M | 1,650 words
Near is sitting in his office. He is sitting at his desk in his office, which is also Mello’s office, because they share one, now. Mello is under two meters away from him, sitting at his own desk and glaring at his backlit monitor like he wants to kill it. This has been their status quo for about seven months. Near knows the exact figure— two-hundred days— but he usually avoids acknowledging that he knows it, even in his own mind. Having this information on hand feels slightly illicit, because he knows the only reason he recalls the duration of their professional partnership with this degree of precision is because of what happened immediately before it began.
starving
mello POV; post-kira, mello lives
M/M | rated M | 2,720 words
Near is hungry. No— not hungry. Near is famished. He’s starving. Mello can see it in the pronounced pallor of his face, the dullness of his eyes. In life, he could go for a day and a half without eating and barely notice. It wasn’t good for him, but he could do it without issue. In undeath, he is not so resilient.
to have & to hurt
near POV; wammy's era to post-kira
M/M | rated E | 7,000 words
Five times Mello is harsh with Near, and one time he is very tender.
compromised
near POV; pre-explosion kira investigation
M/M | rated E | 2,850 words
The door has only just shut behind them when Mello slams him against it, forcing the air from Near’s lungs in a painful wheeze. Hands fisted in white fabric, he gets right up in Near’s face. It is meant to be frightening, menacing, but more than anything Near finds it nostalgic, really. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Mello hisses. Near blinks, feigning innocence. “Visiting.” — In which Near finds both Mello’s base and a suitable compromise.
good boy
near POV; post-kira, mello lives
M/M | rated E | 5,350 words
Mello’s stare is warm and constant, and the comforting exhilaration of it builds and builds within Near until he feels like he may burst. There is something he wants to say to Mello, but he doesn’t know what it is. Before he can ever say anything at all, though, Mello stands to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says. Before he goes, he gives Near two lists. One for the night. One for the next morning. Near always follows them to the letter. — In which Mello and Near form a dom-sub relationship centered entirely around shared meals and to-do lists.
one in the same
near POV; post-kira, mello lives
M/M | rated E | 3,500 words
“Fuck,” Mello whispers. His hands shake against Near’s chest. “Good boy,” Near repeats, experimental, smiling as he watches Mello’s eyes flutter shut again. “The very best.” A small frown tugs at Mello’s lips. Near tries to kiss it away, but it lingers. He still has work to do.
we'll pretend it ends tomorrow
mello POV; no kira, post-wammy's
M/M | rated E | 5,775 words
“What’s happening?” Near asks. “I’m not sure,” Mello says. “I think we might’ve been kidnapped.” Near makes a soft sound of disapproval. Mello bristles at this, because it sounds like Near is mad at him over their abduction, even though it’s obviously not Mello’s fault. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he reminds himself that Near is probably feeling super-scared and vulnerable, and that, considering the situation, he may not be thinking through the potential implications of the sounds he’s making. He probably didn’t mean for it to seem accusatory. -- A dire situation tests Mello and Near’s ability to work together, bringing out the good, the bad, and the intensely sexual.
#death note#mello death note#near death note#mihael keehl#nate river#meronia#mellonear#anyway. keep your eyes peeled for my rec list (of other people's stuff!!) in a few days time!! 🫶#thanks everyone for a nice year <3
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The gamut of emotions she is experiencing are similar to when she first set out on her field assignment with Roberto. It feels like ages since that day, running into Vash when he’d been hanging upside down, courtesy of bandits, but memorable enough that she can clearly picture every moment from that day with the utmost clarity.
There are…others, as well, that come to mind, but Meryl does her best to focus on the positives.
She barely registers Knives’s warning about bringing a flashlight and with as many spare batteries as she can carry—and the very obvious threat of not wandering off where humans have seldom gone; if they’ve even gone there before.
Her experience being underground, even inside a giant worm, still counts and is not something she wants to repeat. Under any circumstance.
The reality of what they’re about to do makes her halt in her tracks as she composes herself, nearly forgetting the company she is with, and those memories make her snap to when she remembers that long tendril whip made of sharp blades that could have easily turned her into ribbons.
“O-of course! I’ll keep it to myself!”
Not that she has anyone to talk to. The Bernardelli news agency has been feeling a little hostile towards her lately and Meryl is being careful where she treads. There’s been things going on that don’t quite add up—not like they are supposed to, and she’s being careful where she digs.
At the mention of Nicholas’s moniker, Meryl stops in her tracks like she’s been hit with a compulsion to remain frozen in place.
They had said their goodbyes when it was decided that Home would be where they would part ways.
“I…I don’t know where he is, actually. So, there’s really no point.”
Meryl grits her teeth at the slight tremble in her voice—not because she misses the Undertaker—well…that’s not entirely true but she refuses to admit it—but it is more so of the fact that she doesn’t have anyone she can really talk to. Vash can’t be found; Roberto is dead; Nicholas is…well, she doesn’t know where he is and she’s not about to start looking.
However, that doesn’t mean she’s about to let go of him entirely.
“I’ll need about a day to figure out how I’m gonna pack what I need,” she says, relieved that he’s not demanding they depart right away. It would make sense for him to find someone to look after the farm while he’s gone. “Well, I better get started…”
She gives one last look towards Knives, like she’s waiting for him to change his mind; when it’s clear he is not going to, Meryl books it and the first place she goes to is the nearest saloon. Out of breath, she reaches the counter, she procures a piece of paper from her notebook and a pen that can barely write but this may be its last note it will ever write before the ink completely dries out.
Despite the urgency, Meryl is careful to write clearly, and to not give too much information away. If there is one person who should know about her whereabouts, it has to be Nicholas.
To Nicholas,
Travelling far on the other side, with sharp company. Safe and doing okay. Can’t call you, no signal down here. Haven’t stopped looking. Hope you haven’t, either.
-Meryl Stryfe
She signals for the barkeep and hands him the note and gives a description of what Nicholas looks like. If he’s not changed since, she’ll expect he’s still carrying around that giant cross and looking as disheveled as ever.
Before she knows it, she’s meeting Knives back at the designated spot, a pack ready of what she considers essential to bring, and feels more nervous than excited at this point.
“Just promise me there won’t be any need to get swallowed up by a giant worm. I’ve already done that and am not a fan. Not a fan at all.”
"Home won't be much use. I said no one's seen them in a century, didn't I?" And the fleet had, of course, been rather busy trying to save themselves. None of the surviving ships would have had anywhere near the time to grab coordinates for the other falling ships when they barely managed to save themselves. And then they'd had to rebuild and survival was more important than looking for lost ships where none had survived.
"If you want coordinates you're gonna need a bug." That is how Knives knew where they were, after all. He considers, contemplates who would care for the farm if he left it behind. Someone in town, if given instructions... Another moment of thought, before Knives sighs. "We'll leave after I arrange someone to care for the farm." He's put a lot of work into this place, he isn't going to leave it to die without some sort of supervision. "I suggest getting yourself a working flashlight and as many batteries as you can shove into your pack." A mental apology to Zazie, who was definitely going to complain at him, later.
"You will not discuss our travel methods with anyone else." It's not a request, an edge of danger curling around the words in a way that's been absent in their conversations so far. "I won't have your kind invading down there."
If he's honest she's probably going to want to pack for a fairly long trip. The lack of a road beneath the sands means no truck, and Knives is already making a mental map of the tunnels he knows and where each of them may pass towns they can resupply at. The trouble, he figures, is going to be once they pass the invisible boundary of human settlement into the true wilds where no humans have set up camp. There won't be any towns to resupply out there, and they can only carry so much at once...
He glances down at his hands, frowning. How much can he create, if he regulates properly? Would it be worth it when they could find a way to carry more supplies? Perhaps Zazie–but no, he doesn't want to make Zazie play pack bug either. Knives drags a dirty hand through his hair, scowling as he watches the reporter stumble around like a newborn tomas just finding its legs. She looks ridiculous–maybe that's what Vash sees.
"This isn't going to be a short trip so you better say your farewells to Punisher before you go."
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the healing and purest form of comfort that you feel when you’re reunited with your best friend—when you just feel fully yourself, like everything’s gonna be okay >>
#my bestfriend went abroad for college and she’s back rn for vacation#but its rlly been a while since we got to fully hang out#maybe 2 years ??#we’ve been bestfriends since high school and i just#love that girl#i have so many emotions for her#we r literally like that tiktok/reel of bff duos that are like: the wild one v the calm one OR the more outgoing one vs calmer quieter one#we are also the angry vs soft one#i am all of the latters 😭😭 but god i love her no matter how different we are#and in hs she was rlly like my little sister !!! and having her around now !! spending time w her !!#i feel like myself in way i haven’t in a while??#and we also aren’t very affectionate#thats why i hold !! so many feelings for her !!! that i just dont express a lot#but she means so much to me!!!!!#and we might not rlly talk everyday but we’re always there for eachother in the impt things#and sigh#love ur best friends everyone !!!#idk like my bf is also my best friend but its still so diff#bc this person !! just knows me in ways he doesnt and vice versa#but its still love all the same !!!#anyway this got long im sentimental rn#sigh
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Magma art dump of random gay Stanley things (Featuring me! Go figure!)
Anything that isn’t in some kind of blue or yellow is by one of my friends
#my art stuff#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#mabel pines#durjas#tiefling OC#stanley x oc#art dump#if you’re curious about some in particular - feel free to DM me or send an Ask or something#there’s too much going on here for me to bother listing right now#I give him freckles cus of that one flashback inside Stanley’s brain#even if they dropped it later - I REALLY like him with freckles#I haven’t started giving them to ford yet like my friend cus I’m biased#and I don’t draw him enough either way to bother remembering it#also kinda using it as an anchor for myself to tell them apart better cus my brain is slow sometimes#uhhh what else to tag#disaster bi#digital art#magma#sketches#doodles#memes#one of these is dedicated to my fading strength to not draw Stanley with his concept art balls#shielding my friends from them while LOUDLY complaining the entire time#I genuinely just want him to be allowed his ball freedom without judgement#I don’t mind it attractive in any sort of way - he’s just been casually depicted like that -#- so it feels like a very HIM thing to my brain and he deserves not to be censored!!!!!#…But I also love my friends and so I have to be strong 😔#suggestive
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Slow writers of tumblr: has anyone figured out The Key to not comparing yourself to your peers who hit massive word counts daily? Or is this something we all struggle with together?
#kaitlyn talks for once#writeblr#writblr#writers of tumblr#writing#I’d be okay either one tbh#i just. would love to be able to support my productive friends while not feeling like shit and being jealous and hating myself#please#if anyone found the key#tell me#I’d be alright with support too#it’s just hard#you know?#rough to deal with#the jealousy. i want to be supportive without hating myself#is there a way?#i’m desperate#please just tell me what to do to stop hating myself and I will#i don’t know.#maybe I’m just hungry and tired and drained. it’s been a long day and I haven’t eaten anything#maybe tomorrow will be better
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thanks for the tags @dwarvenagenda & @pricegouge !! 💓
it was fun to check my stats for this year :3
funny to compare how i started my year vs how its ending (fandoms im writing for, fic length range, themes and tropes i’m preferring, etc).
i’ve found that although ive maybe written less and had less interaction in general from readers this year i’ve truly found some amazing people that i consider good friends on here now :’) and i wouldn’t swap that for anything!!
blank copy below and npt: @pricetagged @ohlawdthebirds @sentientcave @syoddeye @gloard @wraithdance @buttdumplin @luvrodite @mikichko @lewistoferrari @disgustingtwitches
#very ironic that my top fic is inspired by the same tv show that my top spotify song came from too#like it truly took over my year apparently…#i’m trying not to push myself to suddenly go on a writing rampage bc i really wanted to hit 200k by the end of the year BUT#it’s meant to be fun not about hitting goals so this is teaching me restraint lmao#i know i’ll have written a lil bit more that’s just not posted on ao3 but not enough to make a difference#plus i had suuuuper bad writers block and a major confidence crisis mid year and i haven’t had that in a while before#i think having a community helps and is lovely in a way i’ve never experienced but it also made me feel like i had to compete (totally my#own feelings and anxiety at play. not at all anyone else putting on that pressure)#but it’s been a learning curve for me to try and just enjoy it and not focus on stats and churning out content - previously i’ve only ever#interacted with people through comments so i had quite a skewed view of ‘if i want to talk to people about this then i have to create to#get their attention.’ which isn’t true or healthy! but i know that now and im going my best not to fall back into bad habits#tag games#tag game
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ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.
#i don’t want to feel this way#but i don’t know how to stop it#i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it#it wont leave me alone#i want it to leave me alone#i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think#but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else#i feel so empty and weird and vague#december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction#i’m always on the verge of crying and#i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work#and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting#you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down#ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing#how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head#part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics#idk#just haven’t felt this bad in a while#i just want to get out of my head so bad#i wish i could turn thinking off#sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own#but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that#i don’t mean to vent#i just feel really hopeless and shit rn#anyway#i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning#it wont be tho lol#nothing is ever better#bc the universe and god hate me
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i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)
#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didn’t point out: cuphead’s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved#cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther#also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD#double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts#autism-related btw. it’s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language#so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever#floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isn’t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he#was younger#cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL#even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who i’ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now#LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy#OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you 😭😭😭#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice#i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i don’t ship uhh i don’t remember what it’s called#i don’t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and i’m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL#but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork#FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cuphead’s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior#mugman’s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more#meltdowns between the two cups#he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in#more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal#which isn’t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same#OK that’s all the ones i want to share right now. i also haven’t shared her human or cup design i did but i’m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much#ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio#cuphead
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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it’s the last Sunday before Sunday’s banner ends so i suppose it’s about time for me to finally boot up HSR and pull him home… wish me luck
#i’m gonna need it bc i haven’t rlly played much since 2.3 so my savings are.. not Great#honkai star rail#hsr sunday#viddy game stuff#Seven.txt#it’s not that i don’t Want to play i just haven’t made the time to do so lately#i’m trying to juggle 4 live service gacha games at the same time and i am dropping all of the balls constantly 😔#i don’t feel like i’m doing much more than i used to but for some reason i seem to have a lot less free time for gaming lately#idk it’s probably just my time management getting worse#Anyways so yeah i haven’t played much since the Boothill hype. and i haven’t pulled a single new 5 star since his release#but i also haven’t played much at all during that time so i’ve only got 54 pulls saved :)#and if that’s enough to get me Sunday and his LC i’ll lose my fucking mind bc ain’t no way i’ll get that lucky#i Do have a good luck streak with Light Cones but i’ve only pulled for 3 so that’s not that impressive#i got Acheron’s on a won 50/50 at 14(!!!) pity and Aventurine’s on a won 50/50 at 22 pity so those were kinda insane to me#but then i don’t remember how it went for Boothill’s LC and i didnt log those pulls so i couldnt tell ya if the good luck streak continued#so anyways yeah probably gonna have to whale a lil bit but that’s ok bc it’s christmas time#i allow myself to whale (or. more like Dolphin perhaps) guilt-free on these games a lil bit on my birthday and christmas as gifts to myself#i used it on Xilonen and her sig weapon back around my birthday and now i’ll use this one on Sunday#ain’t no way i’m letting him pass me by when he’s the one that really hooked me into HSR in the first place#i was halfheartedly playing for a while but as soon as i saw the first hint of him on that livestream Penacony teaser i was Obsessed#don’t think i’ve ever been that excited for a character that i knew next to nothing about aside from a lil chibi avatar -#- and some line about him being malevolent. and i don’t even like the chibi style At All so that speaks to how strong his design was#or maybe it just shows how i see an angel coded character with weird-cool-head-wings and a halo and my brain worms start raving#well it’s 1am here so Technically it’s Monday now but shhhhhh it’s still Sunday in my Heart ok? and that’s what matters#and it’s still kinda Sunday on the American server bc the daily reset isn’t until like. 3am for me#but it’ll still probably record it as me having pulled him on the 23rd :/ oh well can’t turn back time#i guess i Could wait until Christmas morning but i don’t wanna flirt with the deadline so closely#this is close enough for me to count it as my Christmas pulls#and we spent Too Damn long without confirmation of his playability (though i always had faith in the leaks 😤🙏🏻) so i deserve this lmao#i mean i’ve waited longer. i waited for Scara! i waited for Baizhu! but still. all the ‘he wont be playable’ fearmongerers can kiss my ass
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