#i think having a community helps and is lovely in a way i’ve never experienced but it also made me feel like i had to compete (totally my

[stellewriites]

thanks for the tags @dwarvenagenda & @pricegouge !! 💓

it was fun to check my stats for this year :3

funny to compare how i started my year vs how its ending (fandoms im writing for, fic length range, themes and tropes i’m preferring, etc).

i’ve found that although ive maybe written less and had less interaction in general from readers this year i’ve truly found some amazing people that i consider good friends on here now :’) and i wouldn’t swap that for anything!!

blank copy below and npt: @pricetagged @ohlawdthebirds @sentientcave @syoddeye @gloard @wraithdance @buttdumplin @luvrodite @mikichko @lewistoferrari @disgustingtwitches

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[cultofdixon]

Plagued by the horrors of the past

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • All Daryl wants to do is make sure his pregnant partner remains safe, even from the nightmares • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy / Nightmares / Minor Injuries

Requested by: Anon

Eeny…WACK

Meeny…WACK

Miny…WACK

Negan stopped right in front of Y/N gripping the handle of Lucille with both hands.

“Moe” and right before the bat met her skull

Y/N opened her eyes feeling the tightness in her chest grow worse but she relaxed slightly when feeling her husband secure his arm around her middle just above her bump. She gently tapped his arm indicating for him to let go so she could get up and pee. At least that’s what Daryl thinks.

But all she did was sit on the edge of the bathtub holding her belly and thinking about her nightmare.

It’s been happening since she found out she was pregnant. Along with a million other things that made her feel guilty since the end of the Savior’s war.

How could you?

How could you be happy and pregnant with a loving husband when your best friend lost hers?

He will never get to see his son grow up.

Never get to hold his loving wife at night and whisper sweet nothings to her.

Same with Abe and Sasha.

They never got the life they wanted to share with each other.

But you did.

Isn’t that selfish?

“Sunshine…”

His voice startled her slightly as she lifted her head showing the exhaustion written all over her face.

“Are you feeling alright?” Daryl knelt on the cold tile positioning himself in front of her and resting his hand on her belly which brought out a more concerned look. “She giving you trouble?”

“No she’s perfect…and I’m just. Tired” Y/N sighs running her hand through her hair as she watches Daryl bring himself back to a standing position, extending his hands to her.

“I don’t think being in here will help much with that” Daryl knew about the nightmares. He tries to help in any way without addressing it because Y/N would deny that she’s not ok. Constantly telling him she’s fine.

He knows she’s not.

Y/N did manage to get at least three hours in before she received a hard kick in the ribs which woke her that time. Besides it was the now morning instead of late in the night when she woke so time to do things around the place. Even if Daryl tells her not to do a lot of things. But to his surprise…

“I think you should take it—-“

“I’m gonna lay in bed for a bit longer…don’t let me hold you back from your day, Dar” Y/N didn’t see the worry in his face when she said such, even if it’s what he wanted. For her to take it easy.

Daryl readjusted himself to lean against the headboard noticing Y/N inch closer when he did such. He brought his arm around her shoulders leading her to lay on him and while she was hesitant at first, she didn’t care for much long and brought herself to lay on him.

“You won’t be late for anything?”

“Don’t got stuff til the afternoon.” Daryl gave her a soft smile that she didn’t see. But it was obvious to why. Y/N fell back asleep in his embrace, snuggling closer when she felt his lips press a soft kiss to her hairline. He did have stuff in the morning. But didn’t care.

When it came to actually help around the community, Daryl kept his attention on Y/N whenever he saw her while he helped Aaron fix the gate mechanism. Aaron would glance over every time Daryl did and that would spark a few things.

“How far along?”

“What?”

“Y/N. When are you going to experience the joys of a baby like I’ve been experiencing?

“Didn’t you say Gracie projectile vomit on your shirt this morning?”

“Yeah…but there are other things” Aaron laughs handing Daryl the new wheel. “You can see the exhaustion on Y/N’s face so she must be far”

“Six months, and it ain’t cuz she’s carrying” Daryl knelt to the floor with what he needed to replace the gate wheel. “She hasn’t been sleeping”

“No? Think she’d need a sedative? I bet you Siddiq can find something that will be fine for her and the baby” Aaron tried to find a solution as Daryl kept his focus on finishing the task at hand so he could keep an eye on her.

But she was simply reading another baby book that Carol found for Daryl originally while sat on the porch. Which also meant Y/N put herself in a position for anybody to approach her.

“Do you think he looks like Glenn?”

Y/N shot her head up from her book with a confused look being met with an equally confused one from Rick. “What?”

“I asked how are you feeling”

“Oh, I’m just…tired.” She breathed out a laugh, setting her book down for a moment.

“I bet. Lori used to fall asleep anywhere when she was pregnant with Carl, then well. With Judith she kept having to move around remember?” Rick invited himself to sit with Y/N which made her tense slightly but he didn’t read that. “I would appreciate the shit we have now. You’re safe to have your baby. Have a doctor. Can rest when you want. The whole package…”

“Are you…trying to make me feel bad?” Y/N questioned watching Rick instantly turn his head at her.

“No why would you say that?”

“Because I know what we have now compared to when times were extremely difficult…are you…” Y/N didn’t know where she was going with her words and decided to forget it. She grabbed her book along with the mug she brought out earlier and made her way inside. “I’m sorry” she whispered before shutting the door behind her.

Rick sat there for a moment, feeling more confused than anything. But there was a hint of regret for his words. He struck something and she wasn’t going to tell him. Especially not him. As he left the porch to take care of something, Daryl noticed from his spot and wanted to leave his task to check on his wife because at one point she was outside, then Rick appeared, now she’s nowhere in sight.

“Go”

“Huh?”

“Go check on her. I know you want to” Aaron has been around Daryl long enough to understand his body language.

“I owe yea, Aaron” Daryl tells him while setting his tools back in their box along with his gloves before leaving.

The sound of the door opening snapped Y/N out of her thoughts as she lifted her head from resting against the couch watching Daryl look for her and instantly lock onto her in the living room.

“Are you okay?” Daryl brought himself to sit with her watching her nod with a small smile. “Are you sure?”

Y/N didn’t know what to say as all she did was shake her head before bringing herself into his lap keeping mind of her bump. Daryl instantly wrapped his arms around her after helping her get comfortable.

“Can you stay home the rest of the day?” She whispers feeling his hand sprawl itself on her bump as she rest her hand on top of his.

“Of course, sunshine” He felt her relax when he said such.

The rest of their day consisted of staying on the couch, making dinner together, running a bath for Y/N, working on Daryl’s bike while she relaxed in the bath, and then helping her with her night routine before going to bed together like every night.

“What do you have to do tomorrow?” Y/N asked as she adjusted her pillows for her to sit up while Daryl rubbed her feet using a lotion gifted from Carol.

“Mmm. Just a watch shift I think, and to check the snares. I shouldn’t be out long”

“…can I join you?”

His immediate answer would be no and the look in his eyes gave that away. But Daryl seemed to go against what his mind was telling him.

“As long as yea take it easy” Daryl says calmly while working on a knot in her sole. “You can even bring your hunting rifle and we’ll check out the closest hunting grounds”

“Babe…are you messing with me?” Y/N pulled her foot away watching Daryl bring himself to lay beside her propped up.

“When was the last time I messed with yea?”

“I dunno…”

“Then I ain’t messing with yea. As long as yea take it easy, and follow my lead. We can do this. Okay?” He gave her a smile as she nods before shifting to lay down watching him do the same after he turned off the lamp.

Listen carefully…I will always have a chokehold on your life. That when you least expect it

Daryl and your baby are as good as dead

Y/N jolted awake instantly reaching for her belly making sure everything was alright as for her movement she woke her partner.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing. It’s…” Y/N felt the baby kick and only started to sob afterward. Daryl fully brought himself to wrap around her bringing her close to him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay” Daryl held her close in hopes the sobbing would stop. But she cried for an hour and he did his best to calm her even if after the sobbing resulted in both staying up the remainder of the night.

When the next day came around, Michonne took it upon herself to check on the Dixons given Daryl didn’t relieve her of her watch and an Alexandrian had to take it. She knocked a few times and waited an appropriate amount of time before letting herself in finding Daryl blankly staring at a French press he found to make coffee for him and tea for his partner. But when Michonne drew close, he snapped out of his daze and realized he didn’t even get it ready with either caffeinated beverage.

“Long night?”

Daryl quickly turned to her realizing he forgot and cursed under his breath. “Sorry. I was supposed to take watch after yea”

“It’s okay, someone took care of it” Michonne gestured for him to sit as she took care of getting the coffee and tea ready for them. “Where’s Y/N?”

“Nesting. She didn’t want me to help until I’ve made tea for her but I honestly think she said that so I wouldn’t talk about last night”

“What happened last night?”

“A night terror? Nightmare. Whichever. She had a bad reaction and couldn’t sleep. So I didn’t sleep” Daryl frowns watching a cup of coffee come into view giving his thanks.

“Yknow. Rick won’t admit it. Nor would he tell you what he thinks he did.” Michonne poured herself a cup given her early morning shift. “He gets nightmares about Carl and his…failure in saving him. He gets a few about the line up and he cries in his sleep.”

Daryl took in a sharp inhale before sipping his coffee. He knew what could be plaguing his wife’s mind during these moments, but never thought she would be too afraid to tell him about them.

“What did Rick do?”

“He thinks he made Y/N feel guilty for the luxuries we have that clearly…those we’ve lost will never have.”

“Well. He’d have to pay for that” Daryl jokes, for the most part. “But her nightmares started since before she was pregnant. They weren’t as bad…guess her emotions are all over the place because of the pregnancy”

“It does that” Michonne laughs lightly as the lightheartedness only lasted a few seconds when they both heard a crash upstairs. Resulting in both of them quickly running to the commotion.

Y/N tried to move the crib and given its weight, she misstepped accidentally cutting herself on a sharp corner which Daryl took note to sand down later.

Now in the infirmary, Siddiq had checked the baby before taking the time to stitch up her arm so it would less likely scar. Not that she minded scars but after being told neither of them have slept and have been having a hard time, he wanted to bring some relief in it all.

“Do I need to be forced on bed rest?”

“No? You only cut yourself and your blood pressure went down after the crisis was averted. I’d take it easy but you don’t have to be confined to a bed” Siddiq finished with the wrap and handed Daryl extra bandages for the future redressing.

“She’s uh. She’s been having—-“

“Nightmares…” Y/N frowns. “Do you think you have sleep medication?”

“I do…but I don’t think you’ll need it” Siddiq taped the bandage to be secure, giving the rest of the roll to Daryl. “I think you’ll do better with a change in scenery”

“And what do you suggest?”

It took about two weeks to plan this out and Carol was more than happy to welcome her two closest friends, her family, into the Kingdom to stay for a while. Even if it meant living in a studio like apartment, not that Y/N cared. She was just happy to be with Carol and Ezekiel…while outside the radius of Negan’s presence.

“I’m surprised Daryl let you drive here”

“It’s just so he could have his bike” Y/N laughs softly.

“His first love if you will” Carol jokes receiving a hearty laugh from Y/N as she took her hands into hers admiring her and the bump for a moment. “He really is getting the life he’s always deserved”

“He sure is”

“Cmon, let me help you get settled. Let him scout around the place” Carol smiles wrapping her arm around Y/N leading her to the living quarters.

After a while Daryl found himself sat on the edge of the bed in sweats waiting for his wife to finish getting ready. He brought his attention from the floor toward the sound of the bathroom door opening and Y/N making her way toward him.

“You don’t like it here”

“What do you mean?”

“New place. For however long…you know we’ll go back right?”

“What if you don’t want to?”

“Alexandria is my home, Daryl. Where we found security, where we got married…and I want to raise our baby there. I just…needed a break, from being constantly reminded that Negan is still alive and what he took from us”

“Rick was a moron for keeping him alive” Daryl frowns as Y/N sat beside him taking his hand resting it on her bump letting their little one kick against the touch making his frown fade. “All I want to do is take care of you. The both of you”

“And you are. We will go home”

“Once you’re comfortable. Okay? I’ll help around the Kingdom and Carol will definitely hover around yea if I’m not”

“That’s okay” She laughs resting her head on his shoulder. “You better take it easy too. Negan took a lot from the both of us”

“I will”

The night progressed as Daryl found himself wrapped around Y/N, hand on her bump as her hand rested on top of his. Her finally asleep without stirring to anything but his small movements and even then, she went back to sleep immediately.

Honestly they’ve stayed in bed for a few days…enjoying the quiet and peacefulness

[blerb-f1]

"The Future" - Sebastian Vettel x reader

The news truly shocked me and compelled me to write this.

Lewis Hamilton is a side character in this.

not proofread i dont have the mental capacity rn

This fic also is kinda part of a series, but it can stand on it's own! For more, view my masterlist.

-------

“Have you considered it at least?”

A fragmented voice sounding through a tin-like phone speaker asked with a certain pressure behind it. The kind of pressure you’d only hear from people who wanted something. Something important.

Sebastian eyed the phone hesitantly, placing it on the windowsill while holding his watering can. Little droplets sliding down it’s side as he attempted to water his dried pot of basil - traveling was never something that helped in plantkeeping, not when you’d spend half the year in random hotels somewhere in the world.

He did not feel the need to return to the circus known as Formula 1, having enjoyed his time there but entirely content with retirement. Opposed to some of the others, he thought, he knew when to quit. No longer circling the biggest cities on earth but the supermarket parking lot in hopes of finding an empty spot. More importantly, waking up in his own bed for 7/7 days a week was a major joy to him, a feeling he didn’t feel like giving up.

“You know as well as i do, that we need an  experienced driver. George’s good but… He just can’t give us the direction needed.” Toto sounded quite serious at that moment - Lewis deciding to leave must have hurt him badly, considering him approaching Sebastian.

“Also… I just want someone i can trust to be around me”

Looking up in surprise, Seb almost dropped the watering can on the floor. Lewis leaving had REALLY hurt him.

“I’ve been thinking about retiring from F1 now. But they’d probably cancel F1 Academy without me around. Force Susie into Submission. I don’t want that. Fuck no.”

“Toto, I-” Sebastian started speaking, plucking the dead leaves from his pot of basil. “I like life. I love peaceful mornings.”

Silence. The phone speaker didn’t echo out for a few moments. 

“What would you say, if i told you we had a championship winning car?”

—-----------------------------------------------

“You really agree to it?” Sebastian asked, Surprise lingering on his voice.

“Of course i do, i’ve seen you thirst for racing while you yourself didn’t. I was with you from the beginning till the end of your career, don’t you think i’d be able to read you by now?” Y/N answered him, their eyebrows pulled together in a mild emotion.

“But there’s a catch.”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be your race engineer. Like i’ve always been”

“Huh?” Seb asked again, this time even more surprised than before. Y/N nodded seriously. “I can’t see you race with another Engineer at your side. It feels wrong.”

The man man pondered for a moment, his brain racking. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Toto.”

A week later, Mercedes made an announcement. For the 2025 season, Bono would be moving to the lead Race Engineer position, not being directly responsible for a single racer. The community was confused, unsure of what was happening. Would they be promoting a rookie racer and engineer to grow their youth? Would they be getting a driver and engineer paring from another team?

Twitter and Reddit Artists were working hard, creating shitpost after shitpost, pundits podcast over podcast as the season progressed, trying to figure out who’d be the next racer.

Meanwhile Sebastian and Y/N were busy in their own ways. Practicing their communication again, the driver getting physically fit and in shape again. Moreso than he had been during his time at Aston Martin. This was going to be serious - no more lazing around. Go hard or go home.

Y/N worked with Bono - the man they used to work against- to get used to the Mercedes way of communication. It was very difficult, more strict compared to the free Red Bull. More lenient compared to the crazy Ferrari. More rule governed, compared to Aston Martin. Peter Bonnington was surprised in his own way, understanding why L/N and Vettel were the scary Duo they had been all this time. They had been a team since 2008, their shared time rivaling his and Lewis. Lewis- that was a mental direction he shouldn’t go to. Mercedes would need to win the championship, no time to waste on stupid thoughts.

As the season progressed and Fans grew mad with their speculation, Mercedes made a post on their instagram. It was a Photo of one of the trees outside their HQ, with a little bee fluttering around it. One single Description. “We love nature”.

Fans went wild with speculation, thinking, planning, shitposting. 

Then one day, two weeks away from the season beginning, the news fell. Two announcement posts in a single day. Y/N L/N heading to Mercedes as Race Engineer, Sebastian Vettel as driver. Mercedes returning back to their silver arrows livery.

The community went wild, the thing they’d never expected had happened.

Lewis meanwhile, was downtrodden. He had expected this move to work out differently. Ferrari clearly designated Charles as Driver 1, not adjusting around him like he’d gotten used to. Their bad race engineering got him into trouble many times. Seeing this news almost broke him. They had replaced him with his friend, who didn’t speak a single word of this? Shame on him.

Shortly after, a Video went online on the Mercedes Account. Sebastian and Y/N were seated among the many championships belonging to Mercedes, clad in white teamgear. Their eyes were determined, telling people they hadn’t arrived to play. As Sebastian took of his hat, people noticed the change. His own cold smile had returned, the one that caused people to call him a smiling assassin. His locks short again, like when he’d won his own championships. Y/N had assimilated, they’re hair bleached and dyed into a silvery colour. 

Fans once again were shocked, they truly hadn’t expected Sebastian to return like this. More akin to the way Schumacher returned but apparently that was not the choice Vettel made - he was here to win, not for the participation trophy.

As the season opener in Australia rolled around, many eyes were glued to the screen. Y/N was sitting on a bicycle along with their driver on his own, passing over the track. Taking in texture, dirt and heat. The media approached them back in the pits, shoving microphones in their face. Y/N just grunted, showing the media a literal middle finger before dipping into the Mercedes pitwall. 

This was the same paring as back in 2011, ready to fight. Qualifying went well, dangerously well. It was as if Seb hadn’t left F1. But not the 2022 Version, the 2012 Version. His defense was ruthless, his attacks even more. He utilised all the skills he had honed over years, even the smallest tricks Michael had once explained to him to gain a faster time. As he crossed over the finish line in first position, Martin Brundle screamed out loud. Nobody had expected this, nobody thought he could win a race again. Toto was jumping in the Mercedes Garage, Y/N jumping along and almost throwing the headset down.

Sebastian on the radio was back to his own, singing, cheering and screaming absolute gibberish. Pulling into Parc Fermé, he was surprised at having the camera and microphone pushed into his face. This new way of doing things was very unusual to him. 

“So Sebastian, tell us how you’re feeling.”

“I feel like i belong” was his simple answer, pushing the camera out of his face as he headed to get weighed. He took a short look at the staircase leading up to the podium. It had been a while since he had last set foot onto them. They were almost scary but he knew, he was secure. A hand placed on his shoulder, one that he had felt there for many years. Y/N was there to get the constructors trophy, truely the only appropriate person today.

The clothing wasn’t the same as in the past, but the energy was. People were cheering, even more were booing. Not wanting another Era of Mercedes Dominance. Booing however, did nothing to deter Sebastian or Y/N. After all, they were the original Red Bull Villains. 

Ignoring the rules, they let the champagne down to the team to enjoy. This was their first victory after a few years as well, they deserved it after sacrificing two seasons to get this car made.

Then, a lone camera man captured an almost painfull view. Lewis Hamilton, clad in the strong Ferrari Red standing aside, looking up to the silver team with sadness and longing in his eyes. This hurt him, it truly did. Tears were welling in his eyes as the camera man moved away tactfully, instead capturing the celebrating couple instead.

The season progressed, a grandslam in all eyes. Win after win - not a single Race lost. As the Final in Bahrain rolled around and Sebastian collected his fifth driver’s championship, he knew he had found a new family and home. Y/N and him were celebrating wildly, the basil on the windowsill long forgotten among the glory and the parties, the heat and the energy.

It was that day, that a man entered a plane back to his new home in Italy. Eying the still not fully unpacked furniture, he settled onto a lightly dusted chair. Had leaving Mercedes truly not been the right decision? Lewis looked at a photobook a fan had gotten him. From winning with McLaren, the years with Nico and Valtteri, Mercedes had truly grown into his home and Family. What had made him leave them then? Was it the thirst for glory? Had he not enjoyed the atmosphere anymore? He felt conflicted. People had told him that Ferrari would break him. He didn’t want to believe them, but they were right. The red team had once again done what it did best. Destroy someone. Lewis looked back on Sebastian’s Face, remembering his defeated expression after the years of fighting with the red team. Of getting recognition for Kimi as well. Of standing up against Charles.

Lewis considered his options, putting his own life on the golden scale. Then, he made a decision. Opening instagram, he made a single post. Cuddling Roscoe, the description was simple, something nostalgic almost. “I hereby announce my retirement from Formula 1”

[hypermania]

transcript of the full thread:

"A very long thread: To the League fans, We found out this news along with you on Friday. I see the pain and anger and worry out there, which for the LGBTQIA+ fans of the show is of course compounded by what’s happening across the country right now. #ALeagueOfTheirOwn

So the first and most important thing to say is: Before anything, before you fight for the show or each other, please take care of yourselves. Reach out to your community and ask for help if you need it. You aren’t alone. Please be kind to yourselves.

As I’ve been thinking about what’s happened, I come back to a quote from Penny Marshall’s film: “The hard is what makes it great.” Making this show is so hard and so great. There’s quite a bit to say about what’s been hard, but at this point that’s in the past.

Of course, if we have an avenue to do it well, we will continue the show, and I love seeing the noise you’re making in support of that. The noise matters!

And it’s hard for me to imagine there wouldn’t be a home for a show that thanks to you was in the Nielsen Top 10 for three weeks, was the top show on Amazon for a month and in the top five for six, that was recognized by critics as something special, that’s been recognized…

…with awards from GLAAD, HRC and a million other organizations, that was on a million year-end top ten lists, and that has a built in and deeply passionate audience.

Amazon is pursuing different kinds of programming, but to the rest of the world this show is a hit and has huge value and even greater potential. But first things first, we have to win this strike and get a fair deal before we can explore what comes next.

But for a moment, I want to talk about what happens if the world didn’t quite change quickly enough for you to have all the seasons of this show that we want to give you.

If we don’t find a good path forward, I will still know that League did what it came here to do and, in its own small way, changed the world.

And that’s because of all of you, and the light you continue to shine on the show — How you let it matter to you, how you let it become a mirror, how you let it change you.

I’ve never experienced a response to a show that’s as deep, personal, creative and meaningful as what the fans have done with League. When we were making the season 1, we all wondered and worried about whether people would accept it on its own terms next to the film.

They have, and you did that, and so much more. You lit up the internet on your first watch throughs of the show, when you realized where it was going (and made all of us laugh in the process).

You wrote enough fan fiction for 100 novels and created an outpouring of art and creativity that could fill its own museum — I’ve truly never seen anything like it.

You lifted up a 95 year old who had just come out of the closet and made her into a celebrity who gets recognized wherever she goes. Every time any member of the cast appears at anything, you turn it into a convention.

You stop Abbi wherever she goes, and though I’m a happily inconspicuous person, and you constantly find me and stop me and give me gifts that now have a shelf in my house.

When thousands of you appeared to see D’Arcy at the stage door of The Thanksgiving Play over its run, you turned it into the hottest queer bar in New York. You made Max’s suit and Chante’s beautiful performance into a movement.

A mob of you went to Pittsburgh and saw all of our locations. You dressed as the characters and made our characters into one of the biggest halloween costumes of last year.

You came out, you changed pronouns, you started living more openly, you gave sermons in church about the show, you opened bars, and you got a truly mind boggling number of tattoos that say “to the five” and “rob the bank.” What else am I forgetting? I'm sure you'll remind me.

But most importantly, you made a community, you found each other and found joy, which of course is what the show is about. In many more ways than I would ever have let myself imagine while we were making it, you literally bring the show to life every day.

Thank you for making our work mean something bigger. We’ve heard from so many different kinds of people around the world who are watching League.

But, in a time when all queer people are personally and politically under attack across the country and HRC has declared a “state of emergency,” my biggest fear is that the many queer fans of League will take this reversal as one more invalidation, one more blow, one more…

…effect of the general politicization of our identities. Most of us grew up feeling invisible, and as we gain strength, the predictable backlash forces are trying their hardest to get us to go back underground.

In case anyone needs to hear it: You are not small, niche, modest, off-putting or marginal, and neither are your stories. You are multitudes, you are building, and your stories are universal. You are the most rapidly growing audience and consumer group in this country.

You are powerful. You are the future, and the people who don’t recognize your importance now will feel be clamoring to catch up in a few years. As Chante said so beautifully when we received the Human Right Campaign Visionary award, you are the main characters. Be proud.

Be angry if you that’s how you feel, but know that we are going to win, and don’t ever let this moment or any other make you small. The biggest lesson of the characters in this show is that, in a world that had no space for them at all, they LIVED. (Continued)

They found love, they did the things they loved, they won. You’re doing the same thing, and just like them, you are heroes. We are still fighting for League. But whether we win or lose this one, I’m so proud.

From the time when we began working on the season, Abbi, Deta and I said to each other — Let’s not hold anything back, for as long as we get to be here, let’s do this the right way.

We got so many notes wondering if the exploration of the queer world of the 1940s or Max’s world would be better saved for season 2, if people needed to start somewhere a little more familiar. I’m so glad we didn’t listen, cause now I’m sitting here without any regrets.

And no matter what happens, the people behind League aren’t going anywhere. Give us a minute, we will be back with more for you to watch and read and feel. We’re going to win.

And you’re not going anywhere either, because what you’ve built and what you are is bigger than this show. It’s the story of our community, that comes to us through the hidden history that League shows just one small part of: The bars got raided and shut down.

But the people didn’t go anywhere, and they opened a new bar, and out of those spaces came music, cinema, dance, culture — What we now see as mainstream was birthed from the spaces our predecessors were forced to hide in. They made joy there."

[mercuriouss]

EA Spoilers

This is not coherent at all and nobody will see this but I get anxious after a lore heavy video :,) I need to get my energy out and keeping them in drafts ain’t helpin

The ‘it was all a dream’ trope coming in clutch!! A pleasant surprise, I’m very happy about this. It begs many questions though about the average empowered persons knowledge on the Meridian and the Sovereigns… (Rewriting this because I’m an idiot and forgot it’s literally mentioned) The labyrinth played on the fear/theories about the Sovereigns/Deltas/Solitaires that they’ve seen in the news. What are the stories though? Where has the information come from if Demons are so tight-lipped about it.

Also, the trauma they went through to set off their powers being sexual trauma is interesting… I’m gonna benefit of the doubt assume they talked about that specifically with Marc otherwise that’s really creepy. Them kicking him out and bringing in a fake James is funny though. The fact their mind went down the ‘saving the world’ route is so :(( They just wanna be useful :(( I imagine that chat with dream!James before real!James pulls them back was cathartic for them, they deserve to hear that.

I have never loved the Asset more. I better not be seeing any Asset slander🫵 They’re just a guy your honour!! A (probably) mentally ill and (definitely) traumatised guy!! A latent born into an empowered family, how awful must that feel?? The powerlessness, how out of place they are in their own community, the detailed knowledge of what they’re missing out on. Living their entire life expecting to have this thing, their entire life is this thing, waiting and waiting and never getting it. Then wilfully traumatising themself mere weeks, maybe even days, after experiencing a traumatising vamp attack?? You need therapy bbg (gn). I like that they have a sister I think that’s really cute, especially the fact it was the memory with her before the attack that made the record play No More Tears :(( “Lesley Gore was wild”, I love the crumbs of this relationship, walking through a park at night listening to Lesley Gore. I am deeply attached to these fictional siblings that we see interact once<3 “And a sister that’s going to be very happy to see you again.” AHHHHH CUTE.

AAAND THEY’RE A DREAMWALKER!! I love Dreamwalkers so much. Considering Marc was surprised by Asset taking over the labyrinth I’ll take it their immediate family aren’t Dreamwalkers? I mean they could be but surely their family’s magical history was brought up so he would’ve considered the possibility of them taking over. Then again he’s a weirdo so who knows.

Love that they’re McKinley based!! I’ve been wanting non-Dahlia stories, I love how connected everything is in a smaller city like that but I like extra world building.

Anton my beloved? An Investigator?? A wolf shifter??? AND he saved Asset&Sister from QUINN? Fooliverse!Anton… The way he’s putting pressure on their wounds so they don’t bleed out because he’s not good at healing magic that is so mortifying. Him being this comforting, warm presence in the Asset’s dream because of what they did for him :(( and because they’re latent they didn’t know what empowered race he was so the labyrinth made him unempowered :((

QUINN WAS IN MCKINLEY? nvm no he wasn’t “Gore, did you say?” GO AWAY. What a pos, he’s such a creep... ‘blood bag’ is giving me Adam flashbacks. His attack amplifying Asset’s feelings of powerlessness and desperation - they could never make me stop hating you Quinn Fox <33 It does help put the timeline together though, May 2023! He is captured the day after he attacks Asset&Sister.

Marcus being a shady Dreamwalker doing creepy labyrinth-memory suppressant-latent manifestation work in his BASEMENT is so funny, what a weirdo lmao I love that. Taking advantage of desperate, vulnerable people who don’t have the ability to protect themselves… that’s sooo shady lmao.

James my EXTRA beloved, the way he’s just a guy I love him. He’s humanborn!! A humanborn telepath, that’s gotta be hard. His spouse is confirmed unempowered and their relationship isn’t actually on the fritz!! Hurray!! Thinking of Fooliverse!James… I feel like he’ll need a high after that mess lol. Thank you for helping the Asset, they need it🫡

The ending is a little unsettling in that we now know NOTHING about the state of the Meridian, what the Department is doing with Starlight’s information or the Chorus with Avior’s, what the Sovereigns are up to, what Blake and D’Deridahn are up to, what Hush is up to… I need to know where Hush fits on the timeline, sometime in 2022?

Overall, very fun, did enjoy! Mr. Redacted your brain is too big. This scratched many itches, Project Meridian ily <333 I doubt we’ll see any more of the Asset&Marc but Anton&James are still a possibility sooo that’s fun. Even if we don’t I’m veeery happy with what we have :) I will now spend the next weeks fleshing out Dreamwalker!Asset’s story<3 I love listeners.

[aro-culture-is]

Hey, I’m still a minor but I’ve been really stressing about this lately. I really want to know if aromantic is the right label for me, since I previously identified as a bisexual.

I’ve, like, NEVER had a crush. I want to. I love romance novels, couples, the idea of romance. But then I talked to my friends and family and realized that what I thought was a crush just…wasn’t.

I didn’t feel butterflies, or nervous, or ANYTHING. I genuinely thought butterflies in your stomach was something that people made up, like getting nosebleeds when something is sexually implicit or shirtless ppl r shown (stupid, I know, but heteronormativity is really ingrained in me). I wasn’t even INTERESTED in the person. Examples, if it would help: first grade, I saw pretty boy, tried to play with him and followed him around at recess, looking back I just wanted a friend and he just happened to be attractive. Third grade, saw pretty boy, literally did not interact with him nor did I want to, but called him my crush bc I thought finding someone attractive=crush. My friend got with him, I wasn’t heartbroken and even tried to set them up and tried to tell them of the other’s feelings (despite the two of them being aware) like I was a little Cupid. Third grade pt 2, saw second most pretty boy imo (notice a theme here?) had dreams of both of my third grade crushes saving me from monkeys and I was a princess and they were in knight armor until the end where they’d take off the helmet n kiss me, but I had to consciously change the face after my friend got w the guy bc I felt bad. BUT I NEVER TALKED TO EITHER OF THEM????? Like, with pretty boy 3, let’s call him C, I didn’t really talk or try to get close with him or even was interested in him, same w the previous two. I thought I had fictional crushes on both boys and girls (hence the bisexuality identification) only to realize finding someone attractive=/= having a crush. And now I’m so confused and devastated????????

I am interested in both romance and sex, but I just don’t have crushes??? I know that, most likely, there is nothing wrong with me, like rationally, but I don’t feel that way???? I’ve always wanted a wedding n kids, but I’ve never imagined it with another person, like having a wedding n there being my partner. I always imagined going solo in my beautiful dress, never stopping to consider that a partner would be there. I also think I want kids, but that might be my parent’s pressures talking. My dad has also said that “there’s only one natural orientation” and says there’s nothing wrong with having a crush (I don’t think he realizes that I genuinely never had a crush) so I’m also really upset on that part. All I want to do is fit in socially, to make my parents happy, to do what I love, and have someone to love. I’m upset and confused and I took a quiz, twice, got cupioromantic, searched up the definition, realized it was me, got scared, so I’m just fishing for validation at this point. I hope I’m at least grey romantic, because I WANT to have romance, and be happy with one person. I don’t want to be a single cat lady (no hate if that’s you, keep slaying). I want someone to love me, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to love them back.

If you read this far, thanks, it means a lot.

So, I have a few thoughts after reading this, and I'm just gonna do my best to lay out some of them

All that introductory section about never having had a crush? Absolutely classic aromantic life story. Completely the sort of thing where if someone told me that IRL, my immediate thoughts would be "oh, they're probably aromantic", and "I want to let them know we're community in some fashion, and I get it."

Secondarily, on the note of finding someone attractive: folks so frequently discover their a-spec identities by starting with "I'm equally or similarly attracted to all genders, so I must be bi/pan/etc", and then get hit by the phenomena that 0=0. Also, aesthetic and sexual attraction are typically experienced quite differently - despite not being talked about as such, usually because it's not socially acceptable to talk about sex except when shaming others for interacting with the concept from any angle, including not wanting it. Yay society! (/sarcasm)

Next: yeah, cupioromantic absolutely fits what you've described so far. But I have some news for you: you can be aromantic and still have a wonderful, healthy romantic relationship with others. Some of the very, very early first followers of this blog - and i'm talking first 30 out of over 10k - have openly talked about being married as aro people to alloros for longer than I've run this blog. It's possible, it's been done, and if that works for you and any future partners, fantastic!

But. That said, I don't get the impression that your approach to this is coming from a place of necessarily wanting romance? I could absolutely be projecting, and that's on me, but between what your dad said and the desperation in your message, I have to wonder if what you want is a close, healthy relationship where you are able to feel safe discussing yourself, where you feel like your emotions are validated, and you can engage in a kind and mutually open hearted way. And y'know? Especially as a minor, that can be so hard to handle. You deserve to be listened to, for your feelings to be validated, and to know that who you are is as natural as anything.

Side note. natural is such a cop-out word. Speaking as someone in a multidisciplinary STEM field: natural means it happens. Not 'is the norm', not 'comes from plants', not 'works exactly the same way every time'. Consider the platypus is a natural creature, despite being a wild abomination of every 'normal' trait it could fit in its weird little body. Consider that even in humans, sex is not a dichotomy and for the most part, sex is a socially defined set of characteristics. Consider how many birds and fish have 4 or more sexes. Consider the fungi, weep, and learn that defining them by sex is an absolute nightmare of thousands of possible sexes and matches and honestly, what even??? Consider that even if we only look at similarly sexed creatures to us, dolphins, penguins, so many birds, octopuses, dogs, spiders, cats, and more that I can't name in the literal 10 seconds I spent on that list, engage in clear same-sex sexual and romantic bonding. You ever seen a boy dog just jump anything that exists? I don't think Fido gives a shit about "natural orientations". Unless he can eat it and poop it out, and eat that. (/affectionate)

Some final thoughts: you will be okay. Being a minor is so incredibly hard, and the more you grow into adulthood, the more clear it becomes that literally everyone is following all sorts of rules that they learned once upon a time because it's hard to change the system, hard to change your thoughts, and not because it ever made sense to follow those rules. The idea that two people have to love the same way to enjoy each other is bullshit. The idea that you can't just experience all sorts of weird things, even though the human brain is among the most complicated things known to science and does so much we'll never live to know, is wild.

You will be okay. Everything will get better, and I believe you. Teen years are a lovely blend of the worst and best decisions you'll ever make because your brain and body are doing some phenomenally complicated things, and society said "hey, what if we shove all of them into an institution because labor laws say we can't put them in the mines anymore?", and this is understandably a really terrible idea. Promise you, the tigers and lions in the average zoo get better enrichment than teens seem to be allowed.

The longer you have to experience the world and its weird and inconsistent ways, the more you learn to just... be. You don't have to question it every step of the way. Maybe you do get a crush. Maybe you don't. Maybe you find yourself being visited by the cat adoption fairy, and oops, there's another, and suddenly there's several creatures who bring you warmth - and maybe being a crazy cat lady is for you. Adulthood is weird, just to be honest. This has actually happened to several people I know. So many "oops I have a cat now? help?" messages.

[tens-girl]

Had a couple of days to process now, and put together my thoughts on Macbeth. Putting them under the cut to avoid spoilers!

The whole show is astonishingly good; the staging, the lighting, the costume, the sound - oh goodness, the sound - and the performances from the whole cast.

Every decision makes sense, it adds to the storytelling, it helps you understand the characters and their experiences. It’s hard to put into words how well put together and immersive the whole experience is.

The two things that I took away most strongly were the sound and David’s performance.

It’s well-documented that the audience experience the play through headphones, but nothing can prepare you for what they actually do with it. There is a sense in which experiencing the sound in this way creates a dissociation between the actors and the audience (which in itself has a point), but it achieves so much I can forgive it. The immediacy and intimacy is incredible.

Right from the beginning, the sound of the witches creates a truly unnerving atmosphere, and then throughout the play that is how their presence is communicated. It’s a beautiful solution to an age-old problem - how to make the witches scary not silly. The sound and the smoke, perfect.

The sound effects and music are beautifully atmospheric and not overused. The freedom the actors have to face away from the audience, to whisper and modulate their vocal performances in ways entirely unlike what is normally possible in theatre, is used brilliantly to communicate quieter moments and private asides. Some of the moments between Cush and David are just haunting and gorgeous, intimate moments that should be like this rather than projected to the back of a theatre.

I think David used the sound incredibly well though. More than the others, he made such great use of the way pauses between lines offered silence, that could be filled with breaths that tell the audience so much about what the character is feeling. I wasn’t expecting quite so much ‘David breathing’ but I was delighted with it. And the sounds he made during that scene with the witches - *chef’s kiss*. These are things that cannot normally form part of theatre acting, and they were fantastic as part of this performance, getting you right into the heart of this character who is falling apart in front of you.

Now, David.

There were two versions of me in the theatre that night. The former theatre studies student and literature post-grad who was excited to see such a lauded production of this play starring an exceptional actor who I’ve admired for 20years, and the slightly feral David fangirl born approx 13 months ago when I experienced Crowley for the first time. I want to speak firstly as the former!

I’ve read so many times that you can’t truly appreciate David’s talent until you see him live, particularly in Shakespeare. You honestly can’t know how true that is until you do. He is phenomenal. His presence is compelling; while not stealing from others, he still doesn’t really allow you to take your eyes from him. So much of it is what you’re used to seeing in his other work, but there is something special too.

David understands Shakespeare. Many actors can study it and learn it and perform the lines, communicating the meaning and bringing it to life. David does something that is clearly more natural and special than that. The language just feels natural, he plays with it, he enjoys it, he lets it breathe and play back. I understood every line, grasped meaning I hadn’t before, and never once thought that this language was old or strange or hard. It lives on his tongue, and it’s magical. David doing Shakespeare is something truly special.

On top of that, he is also still *him*. There are moments of pure David. He makes you laugh and cry and smile and shiver. He throws every cell of his body into every moment.

There are so many moments I loved, but I’ll pick one. After Macbeth is told of his wife’s death, his speech broke me, the vulnerability and quiet pain and heartbreak was stunning. When David does vulnerable, his whole face changes, and he sheds 20years from it, looking young and soft and devastating. It’s his special skill, and it’s the one I hate him most for because it works every time and I can’t forgive him for always breaking my heart, but boy is it beautiful.

And now the feral fangirl bit. Everyone always says that David is so very nice and kind and generous and perfect. It’s almost a cliche. But genuinely, after seeing him so powerful in all his outstanding glory on the stage, to be face to face with the unassuming, soft, and patient guy that is David, seeing him proceed calmly along the line of tensely excited fans desperate for his signature, steadily signing for everyone, calmly interacting - he is simply gorgeous in every way, inside and out.

I was desperately uncool, garbled something dreadful about how good he was. He looked me in the eye, smiled, and said thank you. He is beautiful.

There is only one way to sum up my experience…

[mushroomlasagna]

I've been thinking about eldritch horror, and how it pertains to Sunless Skies and its universe at large.

You see, a lot of eldritch horror focuses on a realisation of incomprehensibility. The realisation that there is something out there, much larger than you, a being so vast and clever and different from you, with goals and hopes and desires that you could never hope to understand, that it drives you to despair and madness.

But in Sunless Skies, and the universe it represents, well...the beings aren't really incomprehensible. Yes, they speak a language that burns, but personality wise? They're positively ordinary. They fall in love, they have preferences, they betray or are betrayed. They have siblings and children. Sometimes, they come off as petty and petulant rather than mighty and powerful.

And yet, there's still that classic eldritch horror mind-shattering realisation in the world. It's just not about the incomprehensibility of the universe, and the struggle to understand the universe as a tiny human.

No, it's the realisation of authority. It's the realisation that so many of the world's rules are not some quirk of mathematics, but put in place by someone who sees you as not worth considering. Gravity or death are not the natural state of the world, they are there because someone decided they should be. Someone who, when you really get down to it, doesn't seem that different to you. None of the rules, or the cruelty and suffering that you've experienced because of the rules, actually have to exist. I can only imagine that to live in this world and to realise this fact could drive you just as mad as any other eldritch horror.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. After all, one of the true horrors of this game isn't the giant monsters or the cannibalism or the devils. It's the Victorian-era exploitation of labour and the suffering of the working class, turned up to a hundred through the magic of this world. When you first enter Albion, the place that you are told is the beating heart of your people's community and the place that connects to the last games, the first place you are likely to find is Brabazon.

Nowhere is this horror more manifest than Brabazon, the place where you can help countless people escape and yet never see any changes. And all of this suffering, the rules and regulations that say this workworld has to be here and that it is right and good, don't have to exist. The rules were put in place by a queen rather than a sun but still here, again, the rules are not immutable facts of nature, but put deliberately in place. Put in place by someone who is in many ways so normal, so like yourself, but also so difficult to defeat. It seems so impossible, to resist authority and change the system that you live under, to make a world without unjust laws. To overthrow not just the monarchy, but all authoritarians who rule unfairly, and to create a world that is truly equal is so difficult. Sometimes it feels like its own eldritch horror, that though it's no tentacled monster or sun shining darkness it still causes that same madness and despair.

But there is hope. After all, what was the tagline for Sunless Skies? Sail the stars. Betray your Queen.

Murder a sun.

[being-a-human-isnt-very-fun]

Therianthropy Alphabet

credit to @local-xenogender-icon for the alphabet!

A - awakening

I always remember running around pretending to be a deer and always drawing/seeing myself as a deer. I used to push these away when I was older and never thought about it until I realized that therianthropy was a thing and I wasn’t the only one experiencing it. After that I narrowed my theriotype down to a caribou (yes, I know there are subspecies but they’re all very similar so I just say caribou).

B - balance

My therianthropy affects the way I communicate with other people, and my hobbies. It doesn’t affect my work/school/life balance as much, aside from little “quirks” like being afraid of loud noises, being very attached to people, etc

C - city

I don’t live in a city, I live in a rural area, which I’m very grateful for.

D - diary

I do have an alter human diary! It’s mostly just documenting shifts or drawing, and also functions as a regular journal.

E - experience in the community

I’ve had an extremely positive experience in the alterhuman community on Tumblr, and I’m eternally grateful for this because it helped me untangle my therianthropy identity and figure out who I am. Other social media platforms, not so much.

F - friends

None of my friends know I’m a therian, but I have a friend who is a furry who I think suspects.

G - gear

I don’t really feel the need for gear, but I get why people like it. If I had enough money, I might look into buying something, but mostly gear is centered around foxes/wolves/cats, and it would be hard to find caribou gear. I would have to buy a commission which is very expensive.

I - identity

I only have one theriotype, which is a caribou. I’ve yet to meet another caribou, but I have met so many other deer, who have all been super cool!

J - jokes

I love making little jokes about my identity, because it is very silly if you think about it.

K - knowldege

On a scale of 1-10, I would say my knowledge of alterhumanity is a 7 or 8. I still have a lot to learn.

L - liking, loving

I don’t think I could’ve had a “better” theriotype, a caribou is a lovely animal that I am grateful to be.

N - nature

My theriotype lives in northern parts of North America, and in Europe. They are migratory, so they don’t have one specific territory or anything.

O - otherhearted

Tbh I don’t really know the difference between otherhearted and therianthropy but I don’t think I’m otherhearted.

P - popularity

My theriotype isn’t very popular (unless it’s Christmas). Fun fact: in North America, caribou are called reindeer when they’re domesticated, but in Europe, they’re always called reindeer.

R - real body

I get species dysphoria from time to time.

S - sex

I never really thought about the sex of my theriotype? It’s kind of hard to tell really.

T - traits

-fear of loud noises/sudden noise

-foraging for food (gardening mostly)

-head butting things

-communicating with grunts, moving my head, pointing with my feet, or flicking my “ears” (that don’t exist bc phantom shift)

-running/hiking in the woods and swimming

-flight instinct

Urges

I think this question was centered more towards therians with prey drive instincts, because my urges are mostly just to run away, swim in random bodies of water, eat the grass, and restlessness.

W - wondering

Leaving the question here for context: “How do you think you would look like, if you could psychically shapeshift into your therio/kintype? (Describe or put an image here!)”

Y - yarn

Leaving this question for context too: “If you wanted to buy/make a tail, would it be real fur or fake/yarn fur?”

Caribou don’t have tails…

Z - zoo (as in the place)

I like zoos that are there for protection of a species or rehabilitation. I think there can be a lot of abuse involved, though.

[hiswordsarekisses]

It took me a very long time to realize that just because someone is mad at me does not mean that they stopped loving me or don’t like me. Some things along the way in life had caused me to think in this particular way - but I didn’t realize it - I thought it was normal.

I realize that I am never done learning, but I will be 62 in November and I’m shocked that I’ve only just recently realized that God was trying to change the way I saw this particular thing.

I knew it in my “heart” but I had such an awful time trying to wrap my mind around it - because as a result of seeing it this way - I have always been softhearted towards others (even if I am angry with them) because I didn’t want to make them feel the way that I feel when someone is angry with me! THIS made it even harder to comprehend… (and this is the important part) - - -

…because they may not have experienced what I have experienced!!!

Which is why they are not careful with “my” feelings!

It’s not something they are aware of - that I would think they were done with me.

But because I thought this was “normal” according to my personal experiences - I took it completely the wrong way - and VERY personal.

I said all that - to say this:

You just never know how or why we ALL think, feel, and see the way we all do until God opens our eyes to understand.

But we do have to want to understand, and even ask the Lord to help sometimes, not only to be understood by others. but also to understand others as well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just because something seems normal to us, does not mean that it is normal to someone else. Communication is SO important. Communication with each other, and with the Lord!!!

[codfanficedits]

Don't fall in love - Part four

Summary:

You get warned not to fall in love with Ghost, but you did anyways. Final part!

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 901 | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: a healthy conversation.

Part one - two - three here.

“I don’t understand.” How could anyone really want you?

“Why not?”

“I’m just, me? I have too much issues for you to really want me. I’m too damaged to be loved by anyone. You can get any woman you like, you shouldn’t want me.”

“Stop filling in what I want.”

Simple words, yet they’re so effective.

“What do you want?”

“You.”

But what if you hurt him again? What if that is the final strike and he leaves you? What if you let him into your heart, what if you let him become your home and he grows tired of you?

“You’re doing it again.”

“Sorry.”

“Tell me what is going on inside of you.”

You’re amazed he can keep such a calm attitude while you feel a storm brewing inside of you. You’re amazed he can keep driving the car without crashing the both of you.

“I’m worried.” You begin. “Worried you’ll hurt me. Worried we will get into an argument and you’ll leave me. Worried I will let you in, and you see me for what I am and you decide you don’t like it.”

“I can’t promise you we won’t get into an argument.” He starts. “We’re both human, arguments happen, feelings happen. But I can promise you we can communicate about it.”

It was hard to hear this, because all you wanted was for him to promise you empty promises, promises he couldn’t keep, so you could throw it in his face. This was a nice change of pace, but boy was it terrifying. Terrifying yet exciting.

“Would you stay the night if I asked you again?” His voice breaks your inner turmoil.

“Yes.”

“What made you change your mind from last time?”

“Well..” Your voice dies out, and your mind starts to wander again, going into territory you don’t want it to go. And there comes the worry again. Because you had just told him how afraid you were, what must he think of you if his words weren’t enough to calm you down? God it felt as if you were already behind in whatever the fuck it was the two of you were sharing.

“You’re so in your head, you can’t even enjoy where you are.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” His eyes meet yours for a short moment before he focuses on the road again. “You’re so in your head, so worried what I will think of you, so worried what others will think of you. Please try to let that go.” His voice is soft, softer than you’ve ever heard before. “I’ve slept around after I’ve slept with you, and while I’m sure you don’t like it, you don’t bring it up, you don’t judge me for it. So why treat yourself different.”

“Well, you’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.” You protest.

“Neither are you.”

“This is difficult Simon. I can’t see what you see in me. I avoid my gaze in the mirror. I have no interest in learning what it feels like to meet my eyes.”

“But meeting your eyes is beautiful.”

“And all beautiful things come and go.”

“But they come.”

This man had a way with words you had never experienced before, and it brought you a sense of relief.

“Why do you know so well what to say to me?”

Simon is reluctant to answer you, but does so anyway. “Because I am telling you the things I wish someone else would’ve told me.”

“Oh.”

“But that is okay. I found my strength and I can use it to guide you. I can’t do the healing for you, but I can try to understand how it feels and help you.”

“That’s the kindest anyone has ever been to me.”

“And you do deserve so much more of it.” For the first time in ages Simon finally allows himself to have the conversations he has been craving so much. No longer is he Ghost, the man to just have a shallow one night stand with, now he is just Simon and Simon cares.

“Thank you.”

You take a deep breath, excitement and fear dancing together inside of your soul.

“Where do we go from here?” A question you hate to ask.

“I think we need to take it slow. You’re a giver, always pouring out too much love. But you don’t realize yet that watering a rock doesn’t make it soft.” He looks at you again before he continues. “You are yours before you are anyone else’s, and I would like to be next to you while you figure that out.”

You can feel your heart starting to race again, your mind filling again with the insecurities, clouding your happiness, but this time it’s you who breaks the silence.

“But I want us to be inclusive. Seeing you sleep around breaks my heart.”

“I won’t, but you have to actually stay the night if you promise me it.” A little playfulness to ease the mood.

“Do you promise to stay alongside me, even when it get’s difficult?”

“I promise.”

“Even at my worst?”

“Even at your worst.” The words leave his lips without thinking about it, as if staying with you at your worst is so natural for him.

“Ask me to stay, and I will. I will drop everything else if you ask me to stay.” He whispers.

“Then please stay.”

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Amplification: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: A deadly spread of Anthrax is going around infecting and killing people. One of your own is affected that completely tears your world into two. How will you over come this?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

The bookstore has been closed ever since Albert died, and Gayle's purchase happened right before it closed down. It would explain why only three people were hit, and when General Whitworth sent his men in for testing, they came back positive for Anthrax.

Albert's bookstore was the unsub's test run. He's gotta have a history with the place, so Penelope needs to come up with a list of present and past employees of the place, customers with grievances against the owner, and if any of them had a science background.

An attack of Anthrax isn't meant to kill three people inside a bookstore, it wants to be out in the open where it can feed and multiply in the way that it wants to. Just a small amount can wipe everyone out, and they'd never see it coming.

Another hour goes by and the six survivors of the attack are now down to four. This attack is killing people left and right and there is nothing you can do about it. The more they die off, the more family members demand answers for what's happening.

"It feels like the plague of Egypt," Linda says.

"Ten scourges created by God. Plague six was unhealable boils believed by biblical scholars to be caused by Anthrax."

"You never missed Sunday school, did you?"

"Actually, I've never been before. How is she doing?" Spencer asks about Abby.

"She's a fighter. She's held on this long because she's young and strong, but she's started to bleed into her lungs. We're running into another problem, though. When the next of kin have questions, what do we tell them about the cause of death?"

That is a question only Hotch and General Whitworth can answer. You can't tell anyone anything without punishment if it didn't come from Hotch. Instead of thinking things like that, you can try and think of the unsub and profile you have on him. It might help your team catch whoever is doing this.

Because the locations aren't symbolically significant, the attacks are personal. Understanding the significance of the locations will be the key to identifying the unsub.

This personal element strongly indicates a home-grown terrorist like the Amerithrax case. This is someone from the science or defense community. That's why the CIA is here. Hotch thinks they may know him. These home-grown terrorists are myopic zealots that believe that their work is of the greatest importance.

He may have preached about the threat of an attack on America. His coworkers would describe him as histrionic, paranoid, and secretive. He may have logged excess hours at work in the past weeks preparing for the attack. He even might have taken the full dosage of Anthrax vaccines over the recommended eighteen-month schedule and had yearly boosters.

This guy has his own workspace where he makes his product in privacy. He also has access to large, expensive, industrial-grade equipment at work. He's written about the threats of Anthrax attacks and published papers about it, yet he feels no one is listening, and that angers him. Now, he may have recently experienced some sort of professional humiliation like being demoted or fired. Now, that would have been his trigger, the moment he decided to go rogue.

He may have betrayed his loved ones to his cause and may be recently separated or divorced. This is somebody who knows every detail of the 2001 Anthrax attack and has talked about what that suspect did right or wrong. He's watching the news very closely to see how the country reacts, and it's not a good one.

The CIA dug deep into their records and found a video of a classified hearing with the Subcommittee on Defense and Homeland Security in January of 2002. Dr. Lawrence Nichols used to work at the institution and left in 2002. The video is sent to your team at the hospital, Derek's team in Maryland, and the main office with everyone else. You and Spencer go into an empty hospital room to watch the video. Dr. Nichols went to the Senator to ask for money for a project he wanted to do with dangerous chemicals. He went to talk to the Senator about the attack in 2001 and why he should have funding for his project.

"Five people died. If you ask me, we're lucky it was just five. We're lucky that whoever sent these letters used cheap porous envelopes and not a crop duster. America's enemies are capable of wiping out entire cities, and we are woefully unprepared."

"I'm looking at your proposal--"

"Yes, sir," Dr. Nichols cuts the Senator off. "Every household needs gas masks and a two-month supply of Cipro for each resident. Every major city needs hospitals with bio-safety decontamination capabilities."

"Regarding the budget you propose for this operation--"

"Anything short of fifty billion would be grossly negligent."

"Dr. Nichols, you've got to realize how unrealistic that is. We can't justify spending that kind of money on an attack that may not happen."

"You people are in denial!" Dr. Nichols exclaims.

"Doing this would incite fear and panic among the public."

"This country should be panicked! We should live in utter fear of being attacked! We live in a time of war and WMD proliferation. If you continue to be blind to our lack of preparedness, then Americans will die, and I will have no problem in pointing the blame at you!"

The committee didn't fund his project and rejected him because he was becoming unstable and fanatical, which is why they removed him from Fort Detrick and blacklisted him from other prominent positions. Even though he believes in preparedness, he felt like people weren't listening. He might have done this to prove a point.

He fits the profile of the unsub to a T. He had access to research on Anthrax, had the resources available to do something like this, lost a highly respected job, and got divorced in the process. The job he has now is through a company called Bio-Design Technology that doesn't deal with Anthrax but with the Flu. If he got demoted from working with such deadly diseases to working with the flu, he might be angry enough to use Anthrax as a weapon.

Either way, you need to bring him in.

Derek pulled you and Spencer from the hospital to go to his house while Emily and Rossi went to his work to see if he was there. Along with you, Spencer, and Derek, a hazmat team joined you so they can clear the inside of his house. You have to wait outside until they're done with their investigation.

"It's clear so far," one of the members says when he hears from one of his men inside.

"Alright, keep me posted." Derek turns to you and Spencer. "This guy just had people over for a charity event last month."

"We should probably take a look around anyway."

You three walk to the backside of the property when Spencer hisses in pain. You look over to see rose bushes with thorns sticking out of the stems. He must have cut himself on the thorns but isn't too concerned about it. For someone who messes with Anthrax, his backyard isn't too sketchy. There is a pool with a beautiful gazebo area and lots of blooming flowers. Derek's phone rings and he answers whoever it is.

"Yeah, Princess, what's up? ... Uh-huh. Yeah, we're here now. ... Sorry. what? The lab is clean? ... You're sure? ... All right." You watch Derek as he talks to Emily. You're not paying attention to Spencer who goes off on his own. He turns to you and Spencer to tell you what she said. "They got nothin'--Where's Reid?"

You look behind you to see Spencer run into the large shed in the backyard. You and Derek quickly follow after him, but he slams the glass door to keep you and Derek out of some kind of lab.

"Spencer!" you gasp.

"Morgan! Y/N! Get back!"

"What the hell are you doing? What's wrong?"

"Believe me, get back."

"Reid, open this door!"

"Spencer, open the damn door!" you yell and slam your hands on the glass.

"I'm sorry. You can't come in here."

"No, open the door," you whimper. The only reason he would be trapped inside there and refuses to let anyone inside is that this is the place where Dr. Nichols created his Anthrax poison. "Spencer, no, open the door."

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

"Come on," Derek says and puts his hands on your shoulders.

"No!" you gasp. "I can't leave him. I'm not leaving him. Call Hotch and get people out here now! I'm not going anywhere!"

Derek has no choice but to listen to you. He needs people out here now if Spencer has any hope of making it out of this alive. Derek leaves and gets Hotch on the phone, and you look at your boyfriend with tears in your eyes.

"Open this door, Spencer, or I'm gonna break it."

"Don't, Y/N. There is white powder in here, and the air is blasting."

You let out a heartbreaking sob and put your hands to your mouth to quiet them. Spencer's heart breaks at the sight of you crying for him. Hotch and the biohazard team arrive quicker than you thought they would, and Derek tells Hotch where you are.

"Y/N, get out of there."

"I can't leave him," you cry. "I'm not leaving him alone!"

"Please don't cry."

"Spencer, I've seen what this does to people. There has not been one survivor and you're infected now. If the cure is not in there, then you're gonna..." You can't even say it. "I can't lose you. I love you so much."

You place your hand flat on the glass and Spencer puts his hand over yours.

"You need to get out of here."

"I can't leave you!"

"I will be fine."

He doesn't believe what he's telling you because he doesn't know if he's going to make it out of here alive or not. He's lying to protect your feelings but he forgets that you can tell when someone is lying. Your chest feels heavy and your whole body is shaking from fear. Your legs can't hold you up any longer so you fall to the ground in a heap of tears. Someone from the biohazard team comes in and places their hand on your shoulder.

"Ma'am, you need to leave."

"Y/N, listen to them."

"Spencer," you gasp.

The man practically forces you out of the shed to where Hotch and Derek are. Derek catches you when your legs wobble.

"I need to be in there, please. I can't leave him alone. He's scared, Hotch," you cry.

"Y/N, you need to calm down."

"I can't," you hiccup. "I can't lose him."

Hotch needs you to calm down so he calls Spencer and places him on speakerphone so you can hear his voice.

"Hotch, I really messed up this time," Spencer sighs.

"Reid, we need to get you out and to the hospital."

"No, I'm staying right here."

The tears won't stop rolling down your cheeks.

"No, Spencer, please leave. You need medical attention," you cry. "Please!"

"Y/N, I'm already exposed. It's not gonna do me any good to stop working on the case."

"He's already infected," General Whitworth says. "If Nichols created the strain, he may have also created the cure."

"Look, Dr. Nichols is in here but he's dead. Someone must have bashed something in his head. My best chance is to stay here, see if there's a cure, and try to figure out who killed Dr. Nichols."

"Hotch, say something to him!"

"He's right. His best chance is inside. We're gonna get a suit and mask into you right away."

"Don't bother. it's not gonna do me any good. I'm already infected."

This thing killed the first three victims within hours.

The thought of losing Spencer is something you can't even fathom. The thought hurts too much, and your chest starts closing up.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[avastrasposts]

Some end of year mush for my readers

Below is a longer message that’s more personal so I’ll hide that below the cut for anyone who’s not interested. But before I get to that I just wanted to send a message to all of those who have read my fics this past year. You’re often a bit more anonymous to me than the people I count as friends, but that’s only because I don’t know you yet (seriously, come yell in my inbox, that’s how all friendships here start!).

But I see you all, whether you’re liking your way through 300k+ words of The Pilot and his Girl or just randomly reblogging something short I wrote back in March, I see and appreciate you all. I love hearing what you think about what you’ve read, but if you’re more comfortable just reblogging or liking, that’s more than fine. But I do really notice and appreciate all of you who read and react what I publish. I hope my stories bring a little bit of entertainment and distraction from whatever else your life is. The responses you’ve all given me, it really means the world. Love you all ❤

/M

So to the more personal message.

I want to send a little message out (who am I kidding, I’m unable to keep things short) at the end of the year and tell you all what a difference some things make. But first, to be honest, I haven’t had a very difficult year, I’m ridiculously privileged, and I try to remember and appreciate that. I count my blessings because life hasn’t always been this easy. But I think it makes me notice the difference small actions make, how one act of kindness really creates ripple effects. 

I know others have had very real struggles in 2023 and have overcome, or are still struggling with, real issues and this year has given me the opportunity to see how much of a difference a small online community can make. I appreciate and love everyone of you who has had the guts to open up when things are tough and ask for help, who opened their (digital) arms and inboxes and wanted to help, genuinely help, those who were struggling, by sending a friendly message, by understanding and responding, offering to help, to let them know that they’re not alone. And to let us all have a safe space online where we can be as weird and sad and irrational and deluded (and horny) as we want. 

I know all fandoms have drama but the amount of nice people I’ve met on Tumblr this year by far outweighs any drama. For 99.9% of us, Pedro should be so lucky to have us as his fans! I feel like the goodness that he seems to spread, is emulated among those who go slightly feral (in the best possible way) for him. 

I’ve been fortunate enough to have made a small group of friends this year in the fandom, and these past few months with you guys (you know who you are), have been the best. You’ve made me laugh and cry (and stress out over how the hell I’m supposed to read all of your amazing fics!). I’m constantly amazed by how supportive and kind you are, how, by pure chance, we all stumbled into each other's paths at just the right time and how we now just seem to fit together. Whether it’s about how we’re going to survive the release of Gladiator 2 (seriously, we’re going to need a phone chain or something for welfare checks….) or how to handle any number of just “life” things that we all have to combat. You lot are always there with sage advice, supportive words and encouragement in a way I’ve never experienced with a group of friends before. Seriously, you’re all the best and I’m so happy to be your friend. 

And here's my our sweet Pedro just because this man somehow inspired me to write so many words this year...

[devildevotee]

Hi I was wondering if you have any advice on dealing with one sided communication/worship of deities and demons? I’ve been worshipping Lucifer for a few years but have always struggled with reading energy/signs. There are some times where I ask for confirmation or a sign from them but never feel like I get a response. I’m not sure if my expectations are too high or maybe my intuition isn’t strong enough to know if I receive a sign or not, or even if I’m doing something wrong? Idk but would love to hear your thoughts if you wanna share!

i'd say what you're experiencing is normal, to be honest. generally two-sided communication seems to be normalised more often than not because it's an exciting thing! it really is! but it's nowhere near as common as what we're lead to believe. it just gets more attention, and that's about as deep as it goes. additionally, during that time where two-sided communication is normalised, any other form of communication is pushed to the side and treated as... less common. which i really really don't believe is true, i just think people tend to talk about it less.

point being, while you can certainly train yourself to be more attuned to any signs lucifer may send your way, i bring up the above to just tell you it's not necessary to have a worthwhile relationship with them. it doesn't mean they love you any less, nor does it mean you're inherently lacking something. it's just different to what gets a lot of attention on social media, but different does not mean lesser. not at all.

idk, sometimes i get signs - really obvious ones! and sometimes i get a dry spell for months to years at a time. it's unpredictable like that, but it doesn't make me love the demon any less. while yes, it's wonderful to experience some form of feedback from the spirit, ultimately what is the cornerstone of my faith is. well, faith. faith that they're listening, and working actively in my life whether i see it or i don't. faith that they love me. faith that they want what's best for me.

and if it helps any, i barely get signs from lucifer too (or i don't see them, much like you). but what fuels me is my faith and commitment, not signs or godphoning or anything of the like. if i never get a sign from lucifer for the rest of my life, that's okay with me. :) i'm just here to love them, talk to them, and trust them.

so, all this added together - you're not alone! there are many MANY people experiencing the same thing as you, and it's okay to have it be that way! it's okay! lucifer still clearly wants to be in your life (my most common "sign" is passion or inspiration for the demon in question or even just thinking about them unprompted - and you clearly have been thinking about them for a while!)

you'll be alright, keep going for as long as this benefits you! you haven't done a SINGLE thing wrong. just do what works!

[justforbooks]

Matthew Perry was a Friend to all, known the world over as Chandler Bing, always seconds away from a great wisecrack and a show-stopping grin. But he was also an addict. That was the “big, terrible thing” Perry referenced in the title of his memoir last year, giving it equal weighting with the TV series that made him an indelible celebrity, long after he had largely retreated from screens.

I read Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing last year and found it a jarring, often uncomfortable experience. It was one part juicy celebrity memoir, enlivened by the flashes of humour and winning self-deprecation that Perry (by his own admission) shared with his defining character; and one part harrowing account of a man intent on his own destruction.

Perry characterised himself as a ready-made, just-add-water addict: an alcoholic with his first drink at the age of 14, and hooked on painkillers with his first pill, prescribed after a jetski accident. High, he drove a red Mustang convertible across the desert, feeling “complete and utter euphoria”: “I remember thinking, ‘If this doesn’t kill me, I’m doing this again.’” It didn’t then.

Nearly a year to the day after Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing was published, Perry was found dead at his Los Angeles home in an apparent drowning. He was 54. Tributes from his friends and fans have rightly focused on Perry’s character and talent, with actors Morgan Fairchild (who played Perry’s on-screen mother) mourning “the loss of such a brilliant young actor” and Mira Sorvino of his “singular wit”. Even the Canadian prime minister, Justin Trudeau, (who knew Perry as a boy, and whom Perry claimed in his memoir to have beaten up) paid tribute to the “schoolyard games we used to play … Thanks for all the laughs, Matthew”.

Indeed, though Perry’s career never took off beyond Friends, he was arguably the standout performer in a talented cast of six. Any good-looking guy can be the smart-aleck, cracking jokes in the corner, but Perry imbued Chandler with energy and emotional depth.

Though defined by his deadpan delivery – Perry is right, when he wrote “that Chandler Bing transformed the way that America spoke” – he also had exceptional comic timing, and was a great physical performer. No one else has so effectively communicated combined dating anxiety and needing to pee. The fact that Perry managed to more or less keep it together over 10 seasons and 236 episodes, often while juggling ferocious substance abuse, is only further testament to his talent.

The success of Friends – not to mention the support from his castmates, his real-life friends – was what helped him to survive, Perry wrote. “There was no way I could have been a journeyman actor. I wouldn’t have stayed sober for that; it was not worth not doing heroin for that … When you’re earning $1m a week, you can’t afford to have the 17th drink.”

Perry also had a tricky part to play within the ensemble, in taking a platonic friendship between two cynics into a heartfelt romance. Chandler and Monica was Friend’s central love story, with none of the cushioning contrivances and strategic “breaks” of the series’ other pairings. In TV, as well as life, it’s harder to make yourself vulnerable and offer love steadily than it is to give in to doubt and run hot-and-cool: Perry showed that the smart guy, even the mean guy, could also be the nice guy you’d do well to marry.

In a series that has otherwise aged fairly poorly, Chandler and Monica are still an aspirational model for an equal partnership. As a teenager, I found it sweet when Chandler told Monica: “They can say that you’re high maintenance, but it’s OK, because I like … maintaining you.” As a far-from-easygoing, thirtysomething single woman, it is perhaps the most desirable declaration of love I’ve ever seen.

It is no wonder Perry was so beloved for his character. “For the longest time,” he wrote, he experienced it as a burden, though he had lately reached some kind of peace with Friends as his legacy. “If you’re going to be typecast, that’s the way to do it.” But at the widespread shock at his death, as the world woke up to the news on Sunday morning, you can picture Perry raising one quizzical eyebrow. As he wrote himself: “I didn’t stand a fucking chance.”

Perry might not have risked 17 drinks on set – but he would certainly try for 16. Especially during the later seasons of Friends, he was routinely drunk, high or hungover on set, prompting concern from Jennifer Aniston. (“‘We can smell it,’ she said, in a kind of weird but loving way.”) Even a “sober companion” to shadow him at work proved insufficient safeguard: when a read-through was cut short by Perry’s incoherence, the entire cast staged an intervention. When The One With Monica and Chandler’s Wedding aired, in May 2001, Perry was living in rehab.

For all Perry’s amusing celebrity anecdotes and determined good cheer, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing reads primarily as an addiction memoir without an ending. Indeed, it read as though it had almost been written in real time: Perry’s colon had exploded in July 2019, only three years before its publication, and in January 2022 he underwent his 14th surgery relating to his drug addiction. “I finally have rock-hard abs, but they aren’t from sit-ups,” he wrote, perkily.

Perry described, often, the reward he drew from supporting other addicts: “The best thing about me, bar none, is that … I can help a desperate man get sober.” Nonetheless, I was struck while reading it that the more recent timeline of Perry’s using and abusing was somewhat opaque. It felt somewhat strategic: an attempt to obscure his current reality and lend heft to the suggestion that the worst of his troubles were behind him. But even Perry himself – no doubt encouraged to come to a positive conclusion – could not find a more upbeat note with which to end on than the fact that he was alive at all.

For all its gestures to sobriety, “looking forward” and moving into the future, the final chapter reads like Perry speaking from beyond the grave, reflecting on the faces of his loved ones as if he has already passed on.

The world might be shocked at his untimely death, but Perry knew that his addiction was going to kill him; he told us in print a year ago, in a book that reached six figures in sales. Indeed, he wrote, his most surprising takeaway was that it hadn’t already.

“There are two kinds of drug addicts,” Perry wrote of his preference for opiates over cocaine. “The ones who want to go up, and the ones who want to go down … I wanted to melt into my couch and feel wonderful.” You can only hope that, now, he is as close to happiness as he felt that morning in the red Mustang.

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?