#i think having a community helps and is lovely in a way i’ve never experienced but it also made me feel like i had to compete (totally my

[stellewriites]

thanks for the tags @dwarvenagenda & @pricegouge !! 💓

it was fun to check my stats for this year :3

funny to compare how i started my year vs how its ending (fandoms im writing for, fic length range, themes and tropes i’m preferring, etc).

i’ve found that although ive maybe written less and had less interaction in general from readers this year i’ve truly found some amazing people that i consider good friends on here now :’) and i wouldn’t swap that for anything!!

blank copy below and npt: @pricetagged @ohlawdthebirds @sentientcave @syoddeye @gloard @wraithdance @buttdumplin @luvrodite @mikichko @lewistoferrari @disgustingtwitches

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[dionysianchub]

Hi! Was just wondering if I could ask for some advice! Long story short I recently realized I was into soft feedism as a male feeder! I brought it up to my partner who LOVES to eat and eating already makes her feel so happy well we tried to connect food and pleasure and unfortunately it brought up trauma and insecurities! Well we are conditioning her to become a hopelessly addicted fvck toy already so I decided to start trying to subconsciously condition her to connect the two! I think it’s going good within the last week I’ve been praising her when it comes to eating lots of you’re doing good or good job when she finishes asking if she’s excited for her meals or snacks as well as praising burps and telling her she’s a good girl when she eats until she says she’s full which latley she says that then has a couple sweets on top of it! She’s starting to mindlessly moan while eating eyes rolling back and all! As well as eating more than she ever has before and now I can visually tell she’s more rounded and stuffed throughout the day this past week with no complaints like before!! Also the past couple days specifically when I’m pleasuring her I make sure to do lots of belly rubs during especially during cumming or orgasms! In fact last night I’m pretty sure I caught her rubbing and kneading her stomach by herself while I was pleasuring her! Do you think these are good signs? Also do you have any tips?

I have to be honest, this sounds Super Duper Not Okay. I actually put my phone down and came back to this to read a second time, just to make sure I wasn't misreading, and it sounds like you're saying that you're trying to subconsciously coerce her to be okay with something that was very traumatic for her, without her express consent. I truly, sincerely hope I'm misunderstanding the situation; because if I AM reading this right, this is intensely fucked up and something that is never okay to do to your partner. CNC is great and can be very pleasurable, but the key is the consent and verbal communication of intent. She may be happy right now, feeling like she can eat whatever she wants and is getting praise for it, but if Feedism was already triggering for her, it is likely to be problematic down the road. Best case, she decides she's okay with it, but you tricked her into it. Worst case, she's having a bad day or is already down about something and realizes that she's gained weight, and it retriggers that trauma she already expressed - the trauma you chose to ignore and take it upon yourself to condition her without her input. Based on her current responses, she very well could be into this, but weight gain can still be deeply traumatizing for people who have experienced fatphobia or abuse. I myself spent years unlearning the things that were inflicted on me to feel comfortable as a gainer, and I STILL have my off days. It is so, so important that she has a voice in this.

I always tell people Feedism is, in my opinion, one of the most extreme kink/fetishes you can have, because most other kinks can be put away in a drawer when you're done, or washed away in the shower. This is permanent. The subject of the weight gain has their body physically and visibly altered, in a way that can be traumatic and severely detrimental to their long term health. You have to make a conscious choice to do it anyways.

I really do hope that a word or two were left out that would help me realize this was her decision too, and if that's the case, I am very sorry to have soapboxed at you - you can let me know, and I'll be happy to give my input based on my own experience bringing partners into this space.

But if anyone reading this thinks the above is ok, the thought I want to leave you with is that this is exactly the scenario - that maybe (hopefully) only a fraction of a percent of us actually do to our partners - that gives everyone outside this kink the impression that we're evil, manipulative, and creepy. If you do this, they're not wrong.

[cultofdixon]

Plagued by the horrors of the past

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • All Daryl wants to do is make sure his pregnant partner remains safe, even from the nightmares • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy / Nightmares / Minor Injuries

Requested by: Anon

Eeny…WACK

Meeny…WACK

Miny…WACK

Negan stopped right in front of Y/N gripping the handle of Lucille with both hands.

“Moe” and right before the bat met her skull

Y/N opened her eyes feeling the tightness in her chest grow worse but she relaxed slightly when feeling her husband secure his arm around her middle just above her bump. She gently tapped his arm indicating for him to let go so she could get up and pee. At least that’s what Daryl thinks.

But all she did was sit on the edge of the bathtub holding her belly and thinking about her nightmare.

It’s been happening since she found out she was pregnant. Along with a million other things that made her feel guilty since the end of the Savior’s war.

How could you?

How could you be happy and pregnant with a loving husband when your best friend lost hers?

He will never get to see his son grow up.

Never get to hold his loving wife at night and whisper sweet nothings to her.

Same with Abe and Sasha.

They never got the life they wanted to share with each other.

But you did.

Isn’t that selfish?

“Sunshine…”

His voice startled her slightly as she lifted her head showing the exhaustion written all over her face.

“Are you feeling alright?” Daryl knelt on the cold tile positioning himself in front of her and resting his hand on her belly which brought out a more concerned look. “She giving you trouble?”

“No she’s perfect…and I’m just. Tired” Y/N sighs running her hand through her hair as she watches Daryl bring himself back to a standing position, extending his hands to her.

“I don’t think being in here will help much with that” Daryl knew about the nightmares. He tries to help in any way without addressing it because Y/N would deny that she’s not ok. Constantly telling him she’s fine.

He knows she’s not.

Y/N did manage to get at least three hours in before she received a hard kick in the ribs which woke her that time. Besides it was the now morning instead of late in the night when she woke so time to do things around the place. Even if Daryl tells her not to do a lot of things. But to his surprise…

“I think you should take it—-“

“I’m gonna lay in bed for a bit longer…don’t let me hold you back from your day, Dar” Y/N didn’t see the worry in his face when she said such, even if it’s what he wanted. For her to take it easy.

Daryl readjusted himself to lean against the headboard noticing Y/N inch closer when he did such. He brought his arm around her shoulders leading her to lay on him and while she was hesitant at first, she didn’t care for much long and brought herself to lay on him.

“You won’t be late for anything?”

“Don’t got stuff til the afternoon.” Daryl gave her a soft smile that she didn’t see. But it was obvious to why. Y/N fell back asleep in his embrace, snuggling closer when she felt his lips press a soft kiss to her hairline. He did have stuff in the morning. But didn’t care.

When it came to actually help around the community, Daryl kept his attention on Y/N whenever he saw her while he helped Aaron fix the gate mechanism. Aaron would glance over every time Daryl did and that would spark a few things.

“How far along?”

“What?”

“Y/N. When are you going to experience the joys of a baby like I’ve been experiencing?

“Didn’t you say Gracie projectile vomit on your shirt this morning?”

“Yeah…but there are other things” Aaron laughs handing Daryl the new wheel. “You can see the exhaustion on Y/N’s face so she must be far”

“Six months, and it ain’t cuz she’s carrying” Daryl knelt to the floor with what he needed to replace the gate wheel. “She hasn’t been sleeping”

“No? Think she’d need a sedative? I bet you Siddiq can find something that will be fine for her and the baby” Aaron tried to find a solution as Daryl kept his focus on finishing the task at hand so he could keep an eye on her.

But she was simply reading another baby book that Carol found for Daryl originally while sat on the porch. Which also meant Y/N put herself in a position for anybody to approach her.

“Do you think he looks like Glenn?”

Y/N shot her head up from her book with a confused look being met with an equally confused one from Rick. “What?”

“I asked how are you feeling”

“Oh, I’m just…tired.” She breathed out a laugh, setting her book down for a moment.

“I bet. Lori used to fall asleep anywhere when she was pregnant with Carl, then well. With Judith she kept having to move around remember?” Rick invited himself to sit with Y/N which made her tense slightly but he didn’t read that. “I would appreciate the shit we have now. You’re safe to have your baby. Have a doctor. Can rest when you want. The whole package…”

“Are you…trying to make me feel bad?” Y/N questioned watching Rick instantly turn his head at her.

“No why would you say that?”

“Because I know what we have now compared to when times were extremely difficult…are you…” Y/N didn’t know where she was going with her words and decided to forget it. She grabbed her book along with the mug she brought out earlier and made her way inside. “I’m sorry” she whispered before shutting the door behind her.

Rick sat there for a moment, feeling more confused than anything. But there was a hint of regret for his words. He struck something and she wasn’t going to tell him. Especially not him. As he left the porch to take care of something, Daryl noticed from his spot and wanted to leave his task to check on his wife because at one point she was outside, then Rick appeared, now she’s nowhere in sight.

“Go”

“Huh?”

“Go check on her. I know you want to” Aaron has been around Daryl long enough to understand his body language.

“I owe yea, Aaron” Daryl tells him while setting his tools back in their box along with his gloves before leaving.

The sound of the door opening snapped Y/N out of her thoughts as she lifted her head from resting against the couch watching Daryl look for her and instantly lock onto her in the living room.

“Are you okay?” Daryl brought himself to sit with her watching her nod with a small smile. “Are you sure?”

Y/N didn’t know what to say as all she did was shake her head before bringing herself into his lap keeping mind of her bump. Daryl instantly wrapped his arms around her after helping her get comfortable.

“Can you stay home the rest of the day?” She whispers feeling his hand sprawl itself on her bump as she rest her hand on top of his.

“Of course, sunshine” He felt her relax when he said such.

The rest of their day consisted of staying on the couch, making dinner together, running a bath for Y/N, working on Daryl’s bike while she relaxed in the bath, and then helping her with her night routine before going to bed together like every night.

“What do you have to do tomorrow?” Y/N asked as she adjusted her pillows for her to sit up while Daryl rubbed her feet using a lotion gifted from Carol.

“Mmm. Just a watch shift I think, and to check the snares. I shouldn’t be out long”

“…can I join you?”

His immediate answer would be no and the look in his eyes gave that away. But Daryl seemed to go against what his mind was telling him.

“As long as yea take it easy” Daryl says calmly while working on a knot in her sole. “You can even bring your hunting rifle and we’ll check out the closest hunting grounds”

“Babe…are you messing with me?” Y/N pulled her foot away watching Daryl bring himself to lay beside her propped up.

“When was the last time I messed with yea?”

“I dunno…”

“Then I ain’t messing with yea. As long as yea take it easy, and follow my lead. We can do this. Okay?” He gave her a smile as she nods before shifting to lay down watching him do the same after he turned off the lamp.

Listen carefully…I will always have a chokehold on your life. That when you least expect it

Daryl and your baby are as good as dead

Y/N jolted awake instantly reaching for her belly making sure everything was alright as for her movement she woke her partner.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing. It’s…” Y/N felt the baby kick and only started to sob afterward. Daryl fully brought himself to wrap around her bringing her close to him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay” Daryl held her close in hopes the sobbing would stop. But she cried for an hour and he did his best to calm her even if after the sobbing resulted in both staying up the remainder of the night.

When the next day came around, Michonne took it upon herself to check on the Dixons given Daryl didn’t relieve her of her watch and an Alexandrian had to take it. She knocked a few times and waited an appropriate amount of time before letting herself in finding Daryl blankly staring at a French press he found to make coffee for him and tea for his partner. But when Michonne drew close, he snapped out of his daze and realized he didn’t even get it ready with either caffeinated beverage.

“Long night?”

Daryl quickly turned to her realizing he forgot and cursed under his breath. “Sorry. I was supposed to take watch after yea”

“It’s okay, someone took care of it” Michonne gestured for him to sit as she took care of getting the coffee and tea ready for them. “Where’s Y/N?”

“Nesting. She didn’t want me to help until I’ve made tea for her but I honestly think she said that so I wouldn’t talk about last night”

“What happened last night?”

“A night terror? Nightmare. Whichever. She had a bad reaction and couldn’t sleep. So I didn’t sleep” Daryl frowns watching a cup of coffee come into view giving his thanks.

“Yknow. Rick won’t admit it. Nor would he tell you what he thinks he did.” Michonne poured herself a cup given her early morning shift. “He gets nightmares about Carl and his…failure in saving him. He gets a few about the line up and he cries in his sleep.”

Daryl took in a sharp inhale before sipping his coffee. He knew what could be plaguing his wife’s mind during these moments, but never thought she would be too afraid to tell him about them.

“What did Rick do?”

“He thinks he made Y/N feel guilty for the luxuries we have that clearly…those we’ve lost will never have.”

“Well. He’d have to pay for that” Daryl jokes, for the most part. “But her nightmares started since before she was pregnant. They weren’t as bad…guess her emotions are all over the place because of the pregnancy”

“It does that” Michonne laughs lightly as the lightheartedness only lasted a few seconds when they both heard a crash upstairs. Resulting in both of them quickly running to the commotion.

Y/N tried to move the crib and given its weight, she misstepped accidentally cutting herself on a sharp corner which Daryl took note to sand down later.

Now in the infirmary, Siddiq had checked the baby before taking the time to stitch up her arm so it would less likely scar. Not that she minded scars but after being told neither of them have slept and have been having a hard time, he wanted to bring some relief in it all.

“Do I need to be forced on bed rest?”

“No? You only cut yourself and your blood pressure went down after the crisis was averted. I’d take it easy but you don’t have to be confined to a bed” Siddiq finished with the wrap and handed Daryl extra bandages for the future redressing.

“She’s uh. She’s been having—-“

“Nightmares…” Y/N frowns. “Do you think you have sleep medication?”

“I do…but I don’t think you’ll need it” Siddiq taped the bandage to be secure, giving the rest of the roll to Daryl. “I think you’ll do better with a change in scenery”

“And what do you suggest?”

It took about two weeks to plan this out and Carol was more than happy to welcome her two closest friends, her family, into the Kingdom to stay for a while. Even if it meant living in a studio like apartment, not that Y/N cared. She was just happy to be with Carol and Ezekiel…while outside the radius of Negan’s presence.

“I’m surprised Daryl let you drive here”

“It’s just so he could have his bike” Y/N laughs softly.

“His first love if you will” Carol jokes receiving a hearty laugh from Y/N as she took her hands into hers admiring her and the bump for a moment. “He really is getting the life he’s always deserved”

“He sure is”

“Cmon, let me help you get settled. Let him scout around the place” Carol smiles wrapping her arm around Y/N leading her to the living quarters.

After a while Daryl found himself sat on the edge of the bed in sweats waiting for his wife to finish getting ready. He brought his attention from the floor toward the sound of the bathroom door opening and Y/N making her way toward him.

“You don’t like it here”

“What do you mean?”

“New place. For however long…you know we’ll go back right?”

“What if you don’t want to?”

“Alexandria is my home, Daryl. Where we found security, where we got married…and I want to raise our baby there. I just…needed a break, from being constantly reminded that Negan is still alive and what he took from us”

“Rick was a moron for keeping him alive” Daryl frowns as Y/N sat beside him taking his hand resting it on her bump letting their little one kick against the touch making his frown fade. “All I want to do is take care of you. The both of you”

“And you are. We will go home”

“Once you’re comfortable. Okay? I’ll help around the Kingdom and Carol will definitely hover around yea if I’m not”

“That’s okay” She laughs resting her head on his shoulder. “You better take it easy too. Negan took a lot from the both of us”

“I will”

The night progressed as Daryl found himself wrapped around Y/N, hand on her bump as her hand rested on top of his. Her finally asleep without stirring to anything but his small movements and even then, she went back to sleep immediately.

Honestly they’ve stayed in bed for a few days…enjoying the quiet and peacefulness

[blerb-f1]

"The Future" - Sebastian Vettel x reader

The news truly shocked me and compelled me to write this.

Lewis Hamilton is a side character in this.

not proofread i dont have the mental capacity rn

This fic also is kinda part of a series, but it can stand on it's own! For more, view my masterlist.

-------

“Have you considered it at least?”

A fragmented voice sounding through a tin-like phone speaker asked with a certain pressure behind it. The kind of pressure you’d only hear from people who wanted something. Something important.

Sebastian eyed the phone hesitantly, placing it on the windowsill while holding his watering can. Little droplets sliding down it’s side as he attempted to water his dried pot of basil - traveling was never something that helped in plantkeeping, not when you’d spend half the year in random hotels somewhere in the world.

He did not feel the need to return to the circus known as Formula 1, having enjoyed his time there but entirely content with retirement. Opposed to some of the others, he thought, he knew when to quit. No longer circling the biggest cities on earth but the supermarket parking lot in hopes of finding an empty spot. More importantly, waking up in his own bed for 7/7 days a week was a major joy to him, a feeling he didn’t feel like giving up.

“You know as well as i do, that we need an  experienced driver. George’s good but… He just can’t give us the direction needed.” Toto sounded quite serious at that moment - Lewis deciding to leave must have hurt him badly, considering him approaching Sebastian.

“Also… I just want someone i can trust to be around me”

Looking up in surprise, Seb almost dropped the watering can on the floor. Lewis leaving had REALLY hurt him.

“I’ve been thinking about retiring from F1 now. But they’d probably cancel F1 Academy without me around. Force Susie into Submission. I don’t want that. Fuck no.”

“Toto, I-” Sebastian started speaking, plucking the dead leaves from his pot of basil. “I like life. I love peaceful mornings.”

Silence. The phone speaker didn’t echo out for a few moments. 

“What would you say, if i told you we had a championship winning car?”

—-----------------------------------------------

“You really agree to it?” Sebastian asked, Surprise lingering on his voice.

“Of course i do, i’ve seen you thirst for racing while you yourself didn’t. I was with you from the beginning till the end of your career, don’t you think i’d be able to read you by now?” Y/N answered him, their eyebrows pulled together in a mild emotion.

“But there’s a catch.”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be your race engineer. Like i’ve always been”

“Huh?” Seb asked again, this time even more surprised than before. Y/N nodded seriously. “I can’t see you race with another Engineer at your side. It feels wrong.”

The man man pondered for a moment, his brain racking. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Toto.”

A week later, Mercedes made an announcement. For the 2025 season, Bono would be moving to the lead Race Engineer position, not being directly responsible for a single racer. The community was confused, unsure of what was happening. Would they be promoting a rookie racer and engineer to grow their youth? Would they be getting a driver and engineer paring from another team?

Twitter and Reddit Artists were working hard, creating shitpost after shitpost, pundits podcast over podcast as the season progressed, trying to figure out who’d be the next racer.

Meanwhile Sebastian and Y/N were busy in their own ways. Practicing their communication again, the driver getting physically fit and in shape again. Moreso than he had been during his time at Aston Martin. This was going to be serious - no more lazing around. Go hard or go home.

Y/N worked with Bono - the man they used to work against- to get used to the Mercedes way of communication. It was very difficult, more strict compared to the free Red Bull. More lenient compared to the crazy Ferrari. More rule governed, compared to Aston Martin. Peter Bonnington was surprised in his own way, understanding why L/N and Vettel were the scary Duo they had been all this time. They had been a team since 2008, their shared time rivaling his and Lewis. Lewis- that was a mental direction he shouldn’t go to. Mercedes would need to win the championship, no time to waste on stupid thoughts.

As the season progressed and Fans grew mad with their speculation, Mercedes made a post on their instagram. It was a Photo of one of the trees outside their HQ, with a little bee fluttering around it. One single Description. “We love nature”.

Fans went wild with speculation, thinking, planning, shitposting. 

Then one day, two weeks away from the season beginning, the news fell. Two announcement posts in a single day. Y/N L/N heading to Mercedes as Race Engineer, Sebastian Vettel as driver. Mercedes returning back to their silver arrows livery.

The community went wild, the thing they’d never expected had happened.

Lewis meanwhile, was downtrodden. He had expected this move to work out differently. Ferrari clearly designated Charles as Driver 1, not adjusting around him like he’d gotten used to. Their bad race engineering got him into trouble many times. Seeing this news almost broke him. They had replaced him with his friend, who didn’t speak a single word of this? Shame on him.

Shortly after, a Video went online on the Mercedes Account. Sebastian and Y/N were seated among the many championships belonging to Mercedes, clad in white teamgear. Their eyes were determined, telling people they hadn’t arrived to play. As Sebastian took of his hat, people noticed the change. His own cold smile had returned, the one that caused people to call him a smiling assassin. His locks short again, like when he’d won his own championships. Y/N had assimilated, they’re hair bleached and dyed into a silvery colour. 

Fans once again were shocked, they truly hadn’t expected Sebastian to return like this. More akin to the way Schumacher returned but apparently that was not the choice Vettel made - he was here to win, not for the participation trophy.

As the season opener in Australia rolled around, many eyes were glued to the screen. Y/N was sitting on a bicycle along with their driver on his own, passing over the track. Taking in texture, dirt and heat. The media approached them back in the pits, shoving microphones in their face. Y/N just grunted, showing the media a literal middle finger before dipping into the Mercedes pitwall. 

This was the same paring as back in 2011, ready to fight. Qualifying went well, dangerously well. It was as if Seb hadn’t left F1. But not the 2022 Version, the 2012 Version. His defense was ruthless, his attacks even more. He utilised all the skills he had honed over years, even the smallest tricks Michael had once explained to him to gain a faster time. As he crossed over the finish line in first position, Martin Brundle screamed out loud. Nobody had expected this, nobody thought he could win a race again. Toto was jumping in the Mercedes Garage, Y/N jumping along and almost throwing the headset down.

Sebastian on the radio was back to his own, singing, cheering and screaming absolute gibberish. Pulling into Parc Fermé, he was surprised at having the camera and microphone pushed into his face. This new way of doing things was very unusual to him. 

“So Sebastian, tell us how you’re feeling.”

“I feel like i belong” was his simple answer, pushing the camera out of his face as he headed to get weighed. He took a short look at the staircase leading up to the podium. It had been a while since he had last set foot onto them. They were almost scary but he knew, he was secure. A hand placed on his shoulder, one that he had felt there for many years. Y/N was there to get the constructors trophy, truely the only appropriate person today.

The clothing wasn’t the same as in the past, but the energy was. People were cheering, even more were booing. Not wanting another Era of Mercedes Dominance. Booing however, did nothing to deter Sebastian or Y/N. After all, they were the original Red Bull Villains. 

Ignoring the rules, they let the champagne down to the team to enjoy. This was their first victory after a few years as well, they deserved it after sacrificing two seasons to get this car made.

Then, a lone camera man captured an almost painfull view. Lewis Hamilton, clad in the strong Ferrari Red standing aside, looking up to the silver team with sadness and longing in his eyes. This hurt him, it truly did. Tears were welling in his eyes as the camera man moved away tactfully, instead capturing the celebrating couple instead.

The season progressed, a grandslam in all eyes. Win after win - not a single Race lost. As the Final in Bahrain rolled around and Sebastian collected his fifth driver’s championship, he knew he had found a new family and home. Y/N and him were celebrating wildly, the basil on the windowsill long forgotten among the glory and the parties, the heat and the energy.

It was that day, that a man entered a plane back to his new home in Italy. Eying the still not fully unpacked furniture, he settled onto a lightly dusted chair. Had leaving Mercedes truly not been the right decision? Lewis looked at a photobook a fan had gotten him. From winning with McLaren, the years with Nico and Valtteri, Mercedes had truly grown into his home and Family. What had made him leave them then? Was it the thirst for glory? Had he not enjoyed the atmosphere anymore? He felt conflicted. People had told him that Ferrari would break him. He didn’t want to believe them, but they were right. The red team had once again done what it did best. Destroy someone. Lewis looked back on Sebastian’s Face, remembering his defeated expression after the years of fighting with the red team. Of getting recognition for Kimi as well. Of standing up against Charles.

Lewis considered his options, putting his own life on the golden scale. Then, he made a decision. Opening instagram, he made a single post. Cuddling Roscoe, the description was simple, something nostalgic almost. “I hereby announce my retirement from Formula 1”

[noodle-is-unstable]

Please know that my words were in no meant to be a jab. I didn’t even know anything about your sexual orientation at all actually. I was scrolling and something told me to stop. I was just drawn and felt the need to tell you. Anyone who has ever used Christianity or any other religion to be cruel to you in any capacity was awful and that’s not at all how one should treat people. Nor is it the way that Christianity is supposed to be practiced. The love God has and his people has is supposed to be unconditional. There’s no place for cruelty, bullying, alienating or violence among people who are different and have different and beliefs. I genuinely apologize that you’ve come across individuals who have used it as an excuse and a warrant to do so. You didn’t deserve that condescending attitude towards you and those people heavily miscommunicated and misrepresented what Christianity is supposed to be about. I myself have church hurt due to the mistreatment of people and it took me pursuing my own personal relationship with God to hear his voice and be exposed to what his love is truly supposed to be like. I realized I let the misrepresentation of his people determine my perspective on the entire faith all together. It’s not about being perfect or judging other people and pointing fingers at people who are different and go through certain struggles and things. I grew up in the church thinking the strict suffocating and hyper judgmental environment was normal. I promise it’s not supposed to be like that. It’s supposed to be a safe space and a genuine relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit where you’re loved and guided regardless of where you are in life and what you do. Please know I never meant any harm or hurt towards you in any way. I feel like it’s a good thing you’ve set boundaries but just know to distinguish between genuine and disingenuous people. The same way that a person can get one idea about an entire sexuality is the same way a person forms a belief on an entire people. Prime example: you mentioned being mistreated for being apart of the LGBTQ+ community by people of religions. I as a Christian is flat out tell you that some of the most helpful, sweetest and accepting people I’ve met in life have been members of the LGBTQ+ community. A lot of believers have this idea that they need to point fingers and mistreat people who’s lifestyles don’t align with the gospel and they have this idea that you’re all evil in some way and unworthy or love and kindness. It’s the furthest thing from the truth ever and the absolute opposite of what Jesus God stands for. He doesn’t pick and choose who to love and it’s in his word to love your neighbor. It doesn’t say straight neighbor, gay neighbor, tall short white brown fat or skinny neighbor. It just. Says. Neighbor. And that’s where the foul ups are. The only job we have as Christians is to show love and kindness people regardless of their lifestyle, personality etc and spread the word of God. Christians aren’t supposed to in anyway shape or form make you feel less than or correct/judge you with a heart full of distaste or hate in any way. Realizing that has helped me find clarity and peace with forming a consistent relationship with God. Because I got a genuine idea of who he was and how loving his is first hand. That could be the starting point of your relationship. Address the fact that you’ve been hurt by his people. Talk to him and tell him every cruel word ever uttered to you and all the tears you’ve cried and pain you’ve felt and after all is said and done listen to any guidance or peace of mind he offers so you can understand what following him and experiencing his love is supposed to be like opposed to how the people who mistreated you represent the faith. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but just know you’re loved and seen by God. He won’t force you to have a relationship because he wants it to be genuine and he won’t intervene with anything in your life unless you go to him and ask. He’ll provide so much if you let him. 🩷

You're no better than any of the people you're talking about for one simple reason

I told you I'm agnostic and don't want religion on my page. You disrespected my right to not participate in religion by coming onto my page to push your religion

You clearly have no respect for me and my choices even it you claim to. Your words are nothing but a gross attempt at justification

Pushing religion on people, especially people that have already stated their beliefs, is a disgusting overstepping of boundaries

Not so kindly fuck off my page. Show up in my asks again and I'll block you. Have some fucking respect for other people religious choices

[ierofrnkk]

Of Starships and Songcords [1]

Poe Dameron x Na’vi Reader

summary: Poe Dameron is doing reconnaissance for the Resistance, and ends up on a moon far, far away from home. (1.7k)

content: all ages, Poe is in unfamiliar territory, gender neutral reader, not beta read, Poe POV for this first chapter

a/n: starting a series!!! how about that!! I’ve been hyperfixating on Avatar for years now, and my little monkey brain couldn’t let go of the idea of Poe somehow ending up on Pandora and finding a hot 9’ tall blue partner. Thankful for the Kelutral community for helping me with the Na’vi dialogue! Also my fic, I make the rules, don’t talk 2 me about how these universes are so far apart ok !!!!!!

—

Poe Dameron was in a very, very bad situation.

He had no idea how he’d ended up here, in the farthest reaches of the galaxy, in a system much more unfamiliar than anything he’d ever experienced.

He’d been sent out to do recon, to see if there were any Resistance members far beyond the looming shadow of the First Order.

There was a point during his flight when he lost contact with home base, his comms fizzling out from being so far out of range; it was terrifying, admittedly, and now was a time he would’ve loved to have been hearing BB-8’s frantic, nervous beeps.

There was nothing but silence, but he persisted onward, long enough until he’d found a planet—much larger than anything he’d been on recently—with several moons.

This was purely unfamiliar territory here for Poe, but the readings from his ship were telling him that one of the planet’s moons was habitable, and he prepared for a quick landing, hopefully finding what he was looking for so he could return home.

The descent was a lot different than he had expected. The atmosphere was dense, but finally gave way to sprawling forests and clear skies.

He didn’t really notice it until he’d begun looking for a place to land, but the trees on this planet were massive, much bigger than anything he’d ever seen before anywhere.

He was certainly, definitely far away from home.

Poe managed to find a clearing, enough for him to land Black One safely and assess his surroundings.

It looked like there had been people living here at one point, the remnants of their presence left behind like echoes. Concrete buildings, vehicles left abandoned and overgrown.

Whoever used to live here hasn’t for a long time.

He knows that there isn’t much else for him to do besides leave the cockpit and seek out anyone that can help him get in touch with home.

This is a completely different system, so he brings his rebreather mask, knowing full well that the atmosphere might be completely toxic to him.

After a few more beats of preparation, Poe opens the hatch of his X-Wing, swings his legs over the side of the ship, and drops down to the ground without any more hesitation.

The flora of this moon was like nothing he’d ever heard of—massive trees, stretching to the heavens, the strangest shaped plants in the most bizarre of colors. It fascinated him.

Poe begins walking, picking a direction and deciding to go in it. He can hear the soft chitter of unfamiliar animals through the thick brush of the forest, and he keeps a wary hand on the holster that holds his blaster to his belt.

In his life, he’s encountered lots of different creatures—some of which he still owes credits to—but the fauna of this moon is a lot for even him.

He’d never think he’d ever be wishing to see a bantha, but he would do anything right now to see one.

Poe treads carefully through the forest, and it feels like he walks for forever before he comes across one of the seemingly abandoned buildings. It’s eerie, the sight of something that clearly was once teeming with life, now having fallen silent and into disrepair.

He’d hoped that this had become a new resistance base, but that doesn’t look to be so.

No ships here are like anything he’s familiar with; no speeders, no X-Wings or quad jumpers. It all looks incredibly…sad. Dull and grey. Military. This was something very far out of his realm of expertise.

Grass has begun growing through the cracks in the concrete, reclaiming the land as it’s been left abandoned for what must be years at this point.

He keeps walking, finding very little of any use to him.

He does, though, manage to find what was helpfully labeled ‘Exopacks’, opening the steel cabinet to find a much better rebreather pack than anything he’d had with him.

He takes the pack, getting one last good breath in before he takes off his rebreather, exchanging it for the Perspex mask that fits nicely around his face. What he assumes is the filter pack is clipped to his belt, and after a few brief moments, he gets the mask sealed on properly, continuing on his way as he explores this unfamiliar space.

As he gets away from the hard stone of the building and returns to the soft grass and lush flora of the forest, he gets the strangest feeling; a tingle on the back of his neck, the slightest bit of unease that makes him feel as though he’s being watched.

But that can’t be, can it? Who would be watching him?

Poe isn’t even sure where he’s going at this point, besides walking in the hopes of finding someone familiar; a resistance member, something.

He continues through the forest, the trees stretching high into the sky, with leaves bigger than himself. He catches a glimpse of a creature through the brush, something that can only be closely compared to a fathier, but much different; skin like a lizard, all different shades of teal and blue and yellow, with six legs.

It notices Poe briefly, its frill going up in defense, before it takes off running in the opposite direction.

Poe relaxes once the creature’s run away, the knowledge that he’s in unfamiliar territory being solidified even further with every passing minute.

That feeling remains, though, the feeling of being watched. He keeps glancing upwards, trying to parse anything out of the thick foliage, hoping to see someone or something there, watching him.

But nothing. Not at first, at least.

Light is beginning to dim, the brightness of the daylight giving way to something beautiful. Every plant glows, a bright and incredible bioluminescence that seems to react to every step he takes.

The entire forest is blooming with life, with a fascinating brightness and beauty that—of all the planets and moons he’s been to—he’s never seen before.

Another creature chittering, the sound akin to laughter, putting him on edge.

He fumbles for his flashlight, needing some better visibility, even in such a beautifully lit space. When the light goes on, is when he sees exactly what’s been laughing at him.

A creature, one that he at first mistakes for a vornskr—but with six legs instead of four, and with much nastier teeth and claws—circles him. His light catches the eyes of a few more, lurking in the shadows and making him feel more vulnerable and exposed.

He fumbles for his blaster, the weapon still set to stun as he aims it at one of the creatures, and fires.

The bolt hits it somewhere in the shoulder, and it whimpers, falling to the ground briefly before getting up dashing away.

Another one emerges from the shadows, baring its teeth to him as it circles. Poe fires again, this time the bolt hitting more in the chest. It drops to the ground, whimpering and wheezing as its legs kick aimlessly.

A third comes out, teeth bared in the low light as it prepares to lunge at him. Just as it jumps, though, an arrow is fired from somewhere unseen, the point landing square in the creature’s throat, dropping it right where it had hit.

The fletching of the arrow glows like the plants do, feathers brilliant and bright, and it doesn’t take him very long to find the source of such a thing.

A humanoid drops from one of the trees, and Poe is immediately intimidated.

Taller than him, at least twice his height. Skin blue like the clearest oceans. Pointed ears, a tail. Big, beautiful eyes.

They look down at him, gaze narrow and bow drawn.

“Kempe si nga?”

Poe puts his hands up defensively—quickly holstering his blaster—and looks up at the humanoid with frightened, wide eyes.

“What?” Is the first thing he asks, the language unfamiliar to him and seemingly only making things worse.

They repeat themselves, this time a bit more firmly.

After another beat of him not responding, certainly looking confused and bewildered in this situation, they loosen the draw of their bow slightly, their gaze still hard and narrow as they look down on him.

“What are you doing?”

It takes Poe a few seconds too many to realize that he can understand them, and he manages a response.

“What—you— you can speak Basic?”

They ignore the question, waiting for him to give a better answer than that.

“I- I needed a place to land, my ship’s—“ he gestures vaguely in one direction, hoping it’s where he’s landed Black One.

“—it’s over there, I was looking for a Resistance base, I didn’t mean to- to intrude or anything..”

Cautious, they lower their bow, taking in the sight of him.

“Are there more of you?” They ask him, ears lowered defensively.

He shakes his head so fast he’s sure that the mask is going to come flying off.

“No! No, it’s just—it’s just me, I swear, I—“

He stops when they reach down, wrap a hand around his bicep and begin pulling him along. He stumbles and rushes to keep up, the fact that they’re twice his height not helping in the slightest.

“What are you—where are you taking me? Oh, kriff.”

Poe is certain he’s just been captured again. Probably by some race that has an alliance with the First Order, and now they have the Resistance’s poster boy on their turf.

“Taking you to the Olo’eyktan. He will decide what to do with you.”

Poe follows along as quickly as he can, doing his best to keep up, the ground beneath their feet lighting up with each step they take. It’s beautiful, and he wishes that he was able to capture the sight of it all.

Thankfully, the journey doesn’t take very long, and they end up at a tree so much larger than any of the other ones. If he was flying, he’d be concerned about such a tree being in his flight path.

This is definitely not good, Poe thinks as he’s pulled along into the base of the massive tree, where dozens more of similar-looking humanoids stand, watching them as they enter.

Maker, how he wishes he could record this moment, remember it forever, especially since this confrontation is not looking promising, and the last thing he wants is to be held hostage by a First Order ally.

Again.

—

First chapter complete!! If you haven’t noticed, this is loosely going to follow the plot of the first Avatar film, but obviously a little different and hopefully enjoyable! I don’t have a set schedule for these, but I hope to put chapters out semi-regularly! Thank you again for reading! <3

Next Chapter

tags: @winniethewife @ominoose @reallyrallyauthor @my-secret-shame @silvernight-m @faretheeoscar @midgardian-witch

[bambimeadows]

*spoilers afoot and long probably nonsensical musings regarding the Manfred-Lichdom thing*

Had a tough time deciding on the Manfred/Lichdom ultimatum with Emmrich but after experiencing both options I think it’s pretty clear which choice at the very least feels more natural and right.

When you choose Lichdom (which was the option I went with at first after spending 5 minutes staring at my tv in despair I know I’m sorry) Emmrich comes across as something that doesn’t suit him. Self important and righteous, over explaining his decision in a way that almost makes it seem like he’s trying to cope because he knows he didn’t do the right thing, rather gave into his self indulgence. Almost kind of bratty and petulant. It’s actually kind of awkward to watch. When he presented himself to everyone in his lichdom form and they were just like “…okay?” I think making him appear as this petty, vapid man in that scene was a way of communicating certain (accurate) troupes of self serving men who throw away their morals, compassion and humanity for the sake of gaining more power and fulfilling their deepest desires. And don’t even get me started on that dialogue between him and Spite if we chose the path to not save Manfred “He should be here” haunted me and was enough to make me go back to the previous save after a few hours and pick the other option just to see what that would entail.

When you go with saving Manfred however, this feels smoother, more attuned with his character. The humility of throwing away his ultimate end goal in favour of finding joy and peace with his dear friend excelling and developing is really very very sweet. Their bond is beautiful and adorable in such an authentic way. There’s a lot of purity in it and I think it really attributes to his character. An endearing-ness that is not so easily captured in any media, let alone in video games. And let’s face it, it’s always going to more interesting to watch a character face their fears rather than seek comfort for themselves.

It’s a shame however, as the concept of Lichdom is a fascinating one. The idea of sweet gentle Emmrich becoming that is so intriguing to explore. The circumstances of being in a romance with Emmrich in that state is such an ingenious take on gothic romance. I and I’m sure many others grew to adore him and just want him to be happy and get everything he wants, but as in real life, that’s seldom possible. But I think all of this is the point in making us chose between those two options and reflects Emmrich’s own internal conflict. So I applaud the writers of this game, despite all the heinous feedback they’ve gotten, for throwing us a real, complex moral dilemma. They knew Manfred was adorable and we’d all fall in love with him, they also knew many of us would fall in love with Emmrich. They highlighted the timeless truth that, no, you cannot have everything you want without sacrifice, your most selfish desires will usually come at a cost. Putting yourself first will not usually feel right when it’s at the detriment of innocents and you’ll find helping others, especially those you love, can bring you a unique happiness and peace that chasing your own selfish desires could never. And what’s more saving Manfred was shown to be so fruitful. It would be good even if he returned to how he was before, but there was so much payoff for everyone to helping him in the end and I think that’s the main take away here. He was able to develop and flourish when we just showed a little bit of compassion and followed our heart instead of cold logic, Emmrich’s sacrifice was very very much not without reward.

I really do love Emmrich either way, and I plan to explore every possible piece of this game that he is involved in. He’s the best character I’ve seen for a very long time, no matter how we chose to shape his journey.

[mostlikelymortal]

House of Leaves by Mark Z Danielewski

Or: “What does it take to support someone with severe mental illness?”

(This post contains spoilers for the entirety of the novel - proceed at your own risk)

- -

I’ve just finished my first read through of House of Leaves, and I was so struck by the final section (Johnny’s mother’s letters) and how it redefined the entirety of the novel that preceded it that I spent the next several hours pouring through the entire story, and this post is the result.

I’ll first say that this book in and of itself is a masterclass of horror and ergodic literature. Taken at its bare state, it succeeds in drawing the reader into a lull of discomfort, taunting them into deeper and deeper senses of confusion, frustration, and (at least in my case) obsession. I myself couldn’t FIND damn near half of the cyphers, let alone SOLVE them, but just the knowledge that they existed meant that MZD was issuing a challenge to the reader to dive deeper, to think more laterally and “four dimensionally” in order to eek out one more ounce of actual truth from the story. The chapters where everything “falls apart” (Chapter IX, etc) are equal parts enticing and nauseating, matching the sense of navigating the house perfectly. This book is more of a wild ride than anything I’d previously picked up in my reading career.

However, once you read the letters, whatever opinion of Johnny Truant you had previously is “brought into the light”, as it were, and you’re forced to reckon with the truer nature of the pages you’d spent days, weeks, months, or even above a year navigating. Johnny was FAR from a perfect person (nor was he anything CLOSE to a reliable narrator, even going so far as to laugh at the reader for daring to believe his words), but to his mother, he was one of the only anchors into reality that she could rely on. You learn so much about Johnny’s character and skillset in those letters, including 1) the fact he was incredibly loving towards his mother and understanding of the issues that plagued her, sticking with her as best he could until the end and 2) she had spent many of his formative years drilling him in the study of language, the classics, and even taught him cyphers as a way of communicating when reality was a bit more difficult to believe. And that’s when you as a reader can put the final puzzle piece together and understand the novel as a singular argument, namely that in order to truly care for someone experiencing severe mental illness, you have to truly try and understand their fragmented reality, step into the darkness with them, and calmly yet compassionately and patiently love them in a way that their symptoms cannot misconstrue. And the three stories of Will Navidson, Zampano, and Johnny Truant exemplify the different approaches people take towards interacting with this group of people, and especially, how so many people perform that task WRONG.

Johnny’s descent into paranoia, mania, hallucinations, obsession, and compulsion is reacted to in half a dozen ways by more than half a dozen characters. Some of it is marginally helpful (consider; the shop manager giving him simple monotonous tasks to ground him and plenty of leniency in his ability to come to work on time; his many run-ins with women who appreciate his company and allow him not to be isolated, even if the content of those run-ins were nothing more than base sex; Thumper, who listened more intently and empathetically to Johnny’s predicament than anyone else, though eventually failing to truly get through to him; and Lude’s, however shallow, friendship). However, given that Johnny never once has a truly “good”support system in his life, he can never truly get a handle on his symptoms, and they end up eating him alive, at least for the better part of the story. Lude, being the selfish type who could never truly empathize with this kind of problem, decided to lambast Johnny with distractions and fun in the vain attempt to get as much entertainment as he can before the end (I’m sure we all have had friends like this). The tattoo shop did all they could and truly wished Johnny the best, though in the end they cut their losses and replaced him (not something we can totally blame them for but it was a limitation on their ability to truly get to him). His numerous sexual partners (outside of Kyrie) all were shown to have some kind of genuine empathy towards him, but their brief and base meetings ensured that no true intervention could take place. Kyrie and the Gdansk man, however, represented another type of intervention for those with severe mental illness, being the kind that actively ridicule and hunt them for entertainment, a force that to this day haunts folks. And Thumper, who gets the closest to being an actual intervention and positive social support for him, ultimately fails at doing so, though it could be argued it was not her failing but a failure of the circumstance. All of these characters have varied levels of true connection to Johnny, but because those connections are rife with ulterior motives, they cannot truly help him in a way that ultimately matters. I imagine that folks with severe mental illness most commonly experience these types of relationships.

Zampano, while we don’t have a TON to go on regarding his actual life outside the few attempts Johnny has to speak to people he knew, is reticent of the times, when confronted with severe mental illness, that people instead choose to enable the hallucinations, mania, obsessions, and compulsions instead of actively trying to dismiss them. The women who interact with him in life are paid to research and document his break in reality. Every single one does so without question, and in doing so, perpetuates his symptoms further until his timely, or rather untimely, death. And while we see the bulk of the novel focus on Zampano’s obsession, that only reinforces how far the rabbit hole will go if their support system will allow it to.

Finally, Will Navidson has perhaps the most healthy support system of the three, having a loving wife, two children, and a cadre of acquaintances who are skilled and capable in their own right. However, because they are unable to fully and properly step into his shoes, namely how they are unable to address (or even recognize) Will’s trauma surrounding the Delial photograph, they are unable to truly intervene on his mental descent in the house on ash tree lane. Karen, largely out of fear, refuses to step into the darkness embodying Will’s struggle to navigate reality, instead first distracting herself with friends and chores and later trying to intervene through faux-spiritual means (Feng Shui). Holloway represents the brute force approach to mental illness that pays no heed to the human being who is suffering, refusing to accept any detour on his pre-prescribed path towards a “solution” (no wonder his approach ended up being the most volatile). Tom, while assisting in SOME capacity during Exploration #4, and valiantly saving/caring for the children when things got too rough, was never able to truly get to the heart of Will’s issues, and therefore could not truly help him in the ways he needed. It is ONLY when Karen truly sees the man calling out for the things he loves, and the supports he needs, when the darkness allows her in, and upon embracing Will for the person he is, the issue (house) in itself disappears, allowing them both to walk forwards into the future.

This book is a thing of genius on so many levels, in a matter of composition, art, storytelling, and most importantly, as a plea to those who have people in their lives trapped in their own house of leaves due to severe mental illness. I absolutely will treasure it on my bookshelf for quite some time, I think.

(Also, just to be 100% on the level, I don’t think the book dismisses the VERY important support system that is medical/pharmaceutical intervention for severe mental illness, nor do I want folks to misconstrue my words as saying they are less than important. I am simply saying, and I think MZD would agree, that medical/pharmaceutical interventions can never be the ONLY thing that keeps people afloat, and that’s it’s EVERYONE’s responsibility in a social support group to help fight the fight with that person).

(Also, as another aside, I think the interpretation of the novel as being something Johnny either fully or in large part made up as a way to discuss the above themes is a valid one supported by the literature in some crucial ways. Way early in the novel, we learn he is incredibly apt at “making stories up”, after all, and we later learn that he worked, likely tirelessly, with the editors to publish the work. Just something else to put out into the discourse. And if it IS true, then that should elevate folks’ appreciation of the character that much more).

[hypermania]

transcript of the full thread:

"A very long thread: To the League fans, We found out this news along with you on Friday. I see the pain and anger and worry out there, which for the LGBTQIA+ fans of the show is of course compounded by what’s happening across the country right now. #ALeagueOfTheirOwn

So the first and most important thing to say is: Before anything, before you fight for the show or each other, please take care of yourselves. Reach out to your community and ask for help if you need it. You aren’t alone. Please be kind to yourselves.

As I’ve been thinking about what’s happened, I come back to a quote from Penny Marshall’s film: “The hard is what makes it great.” Making this show is so hard and so great. There’s quite a bit to say about what’s been hard, but at this point that’s in the past.

Of course, if we have an avenue to do it well, we will continue the show, and I love seeing the noise you’re making in support of that. The noise matters!

And it’s hard for me to imagine there wouldn’t be a home for a show that thanks to you was in the Nielsen Top 10 for three weeks, was the top show on Amazon for a month and in the top five for six, that was recognized by critics as something special, that’s been recognized…

…with awards from GLAAD, HRC and a million other organizations, that was on a million year-end top ten lists, and that has a built in and deeply passionate audience.

Amazon is pursuing different kinds of programming, but to the rest of the world this show is a hit and has huge value and even greater potential. But first things first, we have to win this strike and get a fair deal before we can explore what comes next.

But for a moment, I want to talk about what happens if the world didn’t quite change quickly enough for you to have all the seasons of this show that we want to give you.

If we don’t find a good path forward, I will still know that League did what it came here to do and, in its own small way, changed the world.

And that’s because of all of you, and the light you continue to shine on the show — How you let it matter to you, how you let it become a mirror, how you let it change you.

I’ve never experienced a response to a show that’s as deep, personal, creative and meaningful as what the fans have done with League. When we were making the season 1, we all wondered and worried about whether people would accept it on its own terms next to the film.

They have, and you did that, and so much more. You lit up the internet on your first watch throughs of the show, when you realized where it was going (and made all of us laugh in the process).

You wrote enough fan fiction for 100 novels and created an outpouring of art and creativity that could fill its own museum — I’ve truly never seen anything like it.

You lifted up a 95 year old who had just come out of the closet and made her into a celebrity who gets recognized wherever she goes. Every time any member of the cast appears at anything, you turn it into a convention.

You stop Abbi wherever she goes, and though I’m a happily inconspicuous person, and you constantly find me and stop me and give me gifts that now have a shelf in my house.

When thousands of you appeared to see D’Arcy at the stage door of The Thanksgiving Play over its run, you turned it into the hottest queer bar in New York. You made Max’s suit and Chante’s beautiful performance into a movement.

A mob of you went to Pittsburgh and saw all of our locations. You dressed as the characters and made our characters into one of the biggest halloween costumes of last year.

You came out, you changed pronouns, you started living more openly, you gave sermons in church about the show, you opened bars, and you got a truly mind boggling number of tattoos that say “to the five” and “rob the bank.” What else am I forgetting? I'm sure you'll remind me.

But most importantly, you made a community, you found each other and found joy, which of course is what the show is about. In many more ways than I would ever have let myself imagine while we were making it, you literally bring the show to life every day.

Thank you for making our work mean something bigger. We’ve heard from so many different kinds of people around the world who are watching League.

But, in a time when all queer people are personally and politically under attack across the country and HRC has declared a “state of emergency,” my biggest fear is that the many queer fans of League will take this reversal as one more invalidation, one more blow, one more…

…effect of the general politicization of our identities. Most of us grew up feeling invisible, and as we gain strength, the predictable backlash forces are trying their hardest to get us to go back underground.

In case anyone needs to hear it: You are not small, niche, modest, off-putting or marginal, and neither are your stories. You are multitudes, you are building, and your stories are universal. You are the most rapidly growing audience and consumer group in this country.

You are powerful. You are the future, and the people who don’t recognize your importance now will feel be clamoring to catch up in a few years. As Chante said so beautifully when we received the Human Right Campaign Visionary award, you are the main characters. Be proud.

Be angry if you that’s how you feel, but know that we are going to win, and don’t ever let this moment or any other make you small. The biggest lesson of the characters in this show is that, in a world that had no space for them at all, they LIVED. (Continued)

They found love, they did the things they loved, they won. You’re doing the same thing, and just like them, you are heroes. We are still fighting for League. But whether we win or lose this one, I’m so proud.

From the time when we began working on the season, Abbi, Deta and I said to each other — Let’s not hold anything back, for as long as we get to be here, let’s do this the right way.

We got so many notes wondering if the exploration of the queer world of the 1940s or Max’s world would be better saved for season 2, if people needed to start somewhere a little more familiar. I’m so glad we didn’t listen, cause now I’m sitting here without any regrets.

And no matter what happens, the people behind League aren’t going anywhere. Give us a minute, we will be back with more for you to watch and read and feel. We’re going to win.

And you’re not going anywhere either, because what you’ve built and what you are is bigger than this show. It’s the story of our community, that comes to us through the hidden history that League shows just one small part of: The bars got raided and shut down.

But the people didn’t go anywhere, and they opened a new bar, and out of those spaces came music, cinema, dance, culture — What we now see as mainstream was birthed from the spaces our predecessors were forced to hide in. They made joy there."

[aro-culture-is]

Hey, I’m still a minor but I’ve been really stressing about this lately. I really want to know if aromantic is the right label for me, since I previously identified as a bisexual.

I’ve, like, NEVER had a crush. I want to. I love romance novels, couples, the idea of romance. But then I talked to my friends and family and realized that what I thought was a crush just…wasn’t.

I didn’t feel butterflies, or nervous, or ANYTHING. I genuinely thought butterflies in your stomach was something that people made up, like getting nosebleeds when something is sexually implicit or shirtless ppl r shown (stupid, I know, but heteronormativity is really ingrained in me). I wasn’t even INTERESTED in the person. Examples, if it would help: first grade, I saw pretty boy, tried to play with him and followed him around at recess, looking back I just wanted a friend and he just happened to be attractive. Third grade, saw pretty boy, literally did not interact with him nor did I want to, but called him my crush bc I thought finding someone attractive=crush. My friend got with him, I wasn’t heartbroken and even tried to set them up and tried to tell them of the other’s feelings (despite the two of them being aware) like I was a little Cupid. Third grade pt 2, saw second most pretty boy imo (notice a theme here?) had dreams of both of my third grade crushes saving me from monkeys and I was a princess and they were in knight armor until the end where they’d take off the helmet n kiss me, but I had to consciously change the face after my friend got w the guy bc I felt bad. BUT I NEVER TALKED TO EITHER OF THEM????? Like, with pretty boy 3, let’s call him C, I didn’t really talk or try to get close with him or even was interested in him, same w the previous two. I thought I had fictional crushes on both boys and girls (hence the bisexuality identification) only to realize finding someone attractive=/= having a crush. And now I’m so confused and devastated????????

I am interested in both romance and sex, but I just don’t have crushes??? I know that, most likely, there is nothing wrong with me, like rationally, but I don’t feel that way???? I’ve always wanted a wedding n kids, but I’ve never imagined it with another person, like having a wedding n there being my partner. I always imagined going solo in my beautiful dress, never stopping to consider that a partner would be there. I also think I want kids, but that might be my parent’s pressures talking. My dad has also said that “there’s only one natural orientation” and says there’s nothing wrong with having a crush (I don’t think he realizes that I genuinely never had a crush) so I’m also really upset on that part. All I want to do is fit in socially, to make my parents happy, to do what I love, and have someone to love. I’m upset and confused and I took a quiz, twice, got cupioromantic, searched up the definition, realized it was me, got scared, so I’m just fishing for validation at this point. I hope I’m at least grey romantic, because I WANT to have romance, and be happy with one person. I don’t want to be a single cat lady (no hate if that’s you, keep slaying). I want someone to love me, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to love them back.

If you read this far, thanks, it means a lot.

So, I have a few thoughts after reading this, and I'm just gonna do my best to lay out some of them

All that introductory section about never having had a crush? Absolutely classic aromantic life story. Completely the sort of thing where if someone told me that IRL, my immediate thoughts would be "oh, they're probably aromantic", and "I want to let them know we're community in some fashion, and I get it."

Secondarily, on the note of finding someone attractive: folks so frequently discover their a-spec identities by starting with "I'm equally or similarly attracted to all genders, so I must be bi/pan/etc", and then get hit by the phenomena that 0=0. Also, aesthetic and sexual attraction are typically experienced quite differently - despite not being talked about as such, usually because it's not socially acceptable to talk about sex except when shaming others for interacting with the concept from any angle, including not wanting it. Yay society! (/sarcasm)

Next: yeah, cupioromantic absolutely fits what you've described so far. But I have some news for you: you can be aromantic and still have a wonderful, healthy romantic relationship with others. Some of the very, very early first followers of this blog - and i'm talking first 30 out of over 10k - have openly talked about being married as aro people to alloros for longer than I've run this blog. It's possible, it's been done, and if that works for you and any future partners, fantastic!

But. That said, I don't get the impression that your approach to this is coming from a place of necessarily wanting romance? I could absolutely be projecting, and that's on me, but between what your dad said and the desperation in your message, I have to wonder if what you want is a close, healthy relationship where you are able to feel safe discussing yourself, where you feel like your emotions are validated, and you can engage in a kind and mutually open hearted way. And y'know? Especially as a minor, that can be so hard to handle. You deserve to be listened to, for your feelings to be validated, and to know that who you are is as natural as anything.

Side note. natural is such a cop-out word. Speaking as someone in a multidisciplinary STEM field: natural means it happens. Not 'is the norm', not 'comes from plants', not 'works exactly the same way every time'. Consider the platypus is a natural creature, despite being a wild abomination of every 'normal' trait it could fit in its weird little body. Consider that even in humans, sex is not a dichotomy and for the most part, sex is a socially defined set of characteristics. Consider how many birds and fish have 4 or more sexes. Consider the fungi, weep, and learn that defining them by sex is an absolute nightmare of thousands of possible sexes and matches and honestly, what even??? Consider that even if we only look at similarly sexed creatures to us, dolphins, penguins, so many birds, octopuses, dogs, spiders, cats, and more that I can't name in the literal 10 seconds I spent on that list, engage in clear same-sex sexual and romantic bonding. You ever seen a boy dog just jump anything that exists? I don't think Fido gives a shit about "natural orientations". Unless he can eat it and poop it out, and eat that. (/affectionate)

Some final thoughts: you will be okay. Being a minor is so incredibly hard, and the more you grow into adulthood, the more clear it becomes that literally everyone is following all sorts of rules that they learned once upon a time because it's hard to change the system, hard to change your thoughts, and not because it ever made sense to follow those rules. The idea that two people have to love the same way to enjoy each other is bullshit. The idea that you can't just experience all sorts of weird things, even though the human brain is among the most complicated things known to science and does so much we'll never live to know, is wild.

You will be okay. Everything will get better, and I believe you. Teen years are a lovely blend of the worst and best decisions you'll ever make because your brain and body are doing some phenomenally complicated things, and society said "hey, what if we shove all of them into an institution because labor laws say we can't put them in the mines anymore?", and this is understandably a really terrible idea. Promise you, the tigers and lions in the average zoo get better enrichment than teens seem to be allowed.

The longer you have to experience the world and its weird and inconsistent ways, the more you learn to just... be. You don't have to question it every step of the way. Maybe you do get a crush. Maybe you don't. Maybe you find yourself being visited by the cat adoption fairy, and oops, there's another, and suddenly there's several creatures who bring you warmth - and maybe being a crazy cat lady is for you. Adulthood is weird, just to be honest. This has actually happened to several people I know. So many "oops I have a cat now? help?" messages.

[tens-girl]

Had a couple of days to process now, and put together my thoughts on Macbeth. Putting them under the cut to avoid spoilers!

The whole show is astonishingly good; the staging, the lighting, the costume, the sound - oh goodness, the sound - and the performances from the whole cast.

Every decision makes sense, it adds to the storytelling, it helps you understand the characters and their experiences. It’s hard to put into words how well put together and immersive the whole experience is.

The two things that I took away most strongly were the sound and David’s performance.

It’s well-documented that the audience experience the play through headphones, but nothing can prepare you for what they actually do with it. There is a sense in which experiencing the sound in this way creates a dissociation between the actors and the audience (which in itself has a point), but it achieves so much I can forgive it. The immediacy and intimacy is incredible.

Right from the beginning, the sound of the witches creates a truly unnerving atmosphere, and then throughout the play that is how their presence is communicated. It’s a beautiful solution to an age-old problem - how to make the witches scary not silly. The sound and the smoke, perfect.

The sound effects and music are beautifully atmospheric and not overused. The freedom the actors have to face away from the audience, to whisper and modulate their vocal performances in ways entirely unlike what is normally possible in theatre, is used brilliantly to communicate quieter moments and private asides. Some of the moments between Cush and David are just haunting and gorgeous, intimate moments that should be like this rather than projected to the back of a theatre.

I think David used the sound incredibly well though. More than the others, he made such great use of the way pauses between lines offered silence, that could be filled with breaths that tell the audience so much about what the character is feeling. I wasn’t expecting quite so much ‘David breathing’ but I was delighted with it. And the sounds he made during that scene with the witches - *chef’s kiss*. These are things that cannot normally form part of theatre acting, and they were fantastic as part of this performance, getting you right into the heart of this character who is falling apart in front of you.

Now, David.

There were two versions of me in the theatre that night. The former theatre studies student and literature post-grad who was excited to see such a lauded production of this play starring an exceptional actor who I’ve admired for 20years, and the slightly feral David fangirl born approx 13 months ago when I experienced Crowley for the first time. I want to speak firstly as the former!

I’ve read so many times that you can’t truly appreciate David’s talent until you see him live, particularly in Shakespeare. You honestly can’t know how true that is until you do. He is phenomenal. His presence is compelling; while not stealing from others, he still doesn’t really allow you to take your eyes from him. So much of it is what you’re used to seeing in his other work, but there is something special too.

David understands Shakespeare. Many actors can study it and learn it and perform the lines, communicating the meaning and bringing it to life. David does something that is clearly more natural and special than that. The language just feels natural, he plays with it, he enjoys it, he lets it breathe and play back. I understood every line, grasped meaning I hadn’t before, and never once thought that this language was old or strange or hard. It lives on his tongue, and it’s magical. David doing Shakespeare is something truly special.

On top of that, he is also still *him*. There are moments of pure David. He makes you laugh and cry and smile and shiver. He throws every cell of his body into every moment.

There are so many moments I loved, but I’ll pick one. After Macbeth is told of his wife’s death, his speech broke me, the vulnerability and quiet pain and heartbreak was stunning. When David does vulnerable, his whole face changes, and he sheds 20years from it, looking young and soft and devastating. It’s his special skill, and it’s the one I hate him most for because it works every time and I can’t forgive him for always breaking my heart, but boy is it beautiful.

And now the feral fangirl bit. Everyone always says that David is so very nice and kind and generous and perfect. It’s almost a cliche. But genuinely, after seeing him so powerful in all his outstanding glory on the stage, to be face to face with the unassuming, soft, and patient guy that is David, seeing him proceed calmly along the line of tensely excited fans desperate for his signature, steadily signing for everyone, calmly interacting - he is simply gorgeous in every way, inside and out.

I was desperately uncool, garbled something dreadful about how good he was. He looked me in the eye, smiled, and said thank you. He is beautiful.

There is only one way to sum up my experience…

[being-a-human-isnt-very-fun]

Therianthropy Alphabet

credit to @local-xenogender-icon for the alphabet!

A - awakening

I always remember running around pretending to be a deer and always drawing/seeing myself as a deer. I used to push these away when I was older and never thought about it until I realized that therianthropy was a thing and I wasn’t the only one experiencing it. After that I narrowed my theriotype down to a caribou (yes, I know there are subspecies but they’re all very similar so I just say caribou).

B - balance

My therianthropy affects the way I communicate with other people, and my hobbies. It doesn’t affect my work/school/life balance as much, aside from little “quirks” like being afraid of loud noises, being very attached to people, etc

C - city

I don’t live in a city, I live in a rural area, which I’m very grateful for.

D - diary

I do have an alter human diary! It’s mostly just documenting shifts or drawing, and also functions as a regular journal.

E - experience in the community

I’ve had an extremely positive experience in the alterhuman community on Tumblr, and I’m eternally grateful for this because it helped me untangle my therianthropy identity and figure out who I am. Other social media platforms, not so much.

F - friends

None of my friends know I’m a therian, but I have a friend who is a furry who I think suspects.

G - gear

I don’t really feel the need for gear, but I get why people like it. If I had enough money, I might look into buying something, but mostly gear is centered around foxes/wolves/cats, and it would be hard to find caribou gear. I would have to buy a commission which is very expensive.

I - identity

I only have one theriotype, which is a caribou. I’ve yet to meet another caribou, but I have met so many other deer, who have all been super cool!

J - jokes

I love making little jokes about my identity, because it is very silly if you think about it.

K - knowldege

On a scale of 1-10, I would say my knowledge of alterhumanity is a 7 or 8. I still have a lot to learn.

L - liking, loving

I don’t think I could’ve had a “better” theriotype, a caribou is a lovely animal that I am grateful to be.

N - nature

My theriotype lives in northern parts of North America, and in Europe. They are migratory, so they don’t have one specific territory or anything.

O - otherhearted

Tbh I don’t really know the difference between otherhearted and therianthropy but I don’t think I’m otherhearted.

P - popularity

My theriotype isn’t very popular (unless it’s Christmas). Fun fact: in North America, caribou are called reindeer when they’re domesticated, but in Europe, they’re always called reindeer.

R - real body

I get species dysphoria from time to time.

S - sex

I never really thought about the sex of my theriotype? It’s kind of hard to tell really.

T - traits

-fear of loud noises/sudden noise

-foraging for food (gardening mostly)

-head butting things

-communicating with grunts, moving my head, pointing with my feet, or flicking my “ears” (that don’t exist bc phantom shift)

-running/hiking in the woods and swimming

-flight instinct

Urges

I think this question was centered more towards therians with prey drive instincts, because my urges are mostly just to run away, swim in random bodies of water, eat the grass, and restlessness.

W - wondering

Leaving the question here for context: “How do you think you would look like, if you could psychically shapeshift into your therio/kintype? (Describe or put an image here!)”

Y - yarn

Leaving this question for context too: “If you wanted to buy/make a tail, would it be real fur or fake/yarn fur?”

Caribou don’t have tails…

Z - zoo (as in the place)

I like zoos that are there for protection of a species or rehabilitation. I think there can be a lot of abuse involved, though.

[weaselnerd]

January 25, the day I found out about the toon patrol for the first time!

Story time: about the day that changed my life!

It was a cold day, and I was sitting on a bench near my next class. I was having a rough time—2024 hadn’t started off great for me. I remember feeling sad, wishing my problems would just disappear. Absentmindedly, I opened TikTok and started scrolling through my usual feed. At the time, I was in the Splatoon and Godzilla fandoms, though I didn’t have many mutuals in those communities. Unfortunately, I’d had to block a lot of people due to toxicity. As I kept scrolling, something caught my eye: a speed-draw of a character I didn’t recognize (who I later learned was Wheezy) from a page called “weaselstan2005.” Intrigued, I dove into their content, watching every video and slowly learning the characters’ names. A little research revealed that they were called the Toon Patrol, and they appeared in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I’d never fully seen the movie before—just snippets of Roger and Jessica Rabbit—but I decided to watch it when I got home.

That day at school, I couldn’t stop thinking about the Toon Patrol. I was so distracted I kept zoning out during class. As soon as I got home, I went straight to my room and started the movie. Watching it was a transformative experience. I laughed and felt a kind of happiness I hadn’t experienced in a long time, especially whenever the Toon Patrol appeared on screen. After that, I spent the rest of the day watching clips of them, reading every wiki page I could find, and learning all I could about the characters. I even started trying to draw them, and it’s fun to look back now and see how much my art has improved since then.

I soon fell down the rabbit hole of fanart and noticed that many fans had original characters, so naturally, I decided to make one too. It’s become a tradition for me to create clown OCs in every fandom I join because I love clowns. My first OC was Jokes, who back then was inspired by Italian opera clowns. Originally, Jokes was supposed to be a character the Toon Patrol didn’t like because he tried to make them laugh—which, could literally kill them. But since I loved Wheezy so much, I made them close friends instead. However that did change and now they don’t know eachother

My second OC, Rollerblade, was created on February 27. At first, he was going to be a spy for the Toon Patrol, with the codename “Bomber,” which later changed to “Roller.” Eventually, while I was on a plane to Japan during spring break, I settled on the name Rollerblade. His role evolved too; instead of being a spy who threw bombs at Roger Rabbit, he became Smartass’s so-called “enemy,” even though Smartass doesn’t even know Rollerblade exists.

More OCs came to life during my time in Japan, and I discovered new art styles along the way. While there, I also stumbled upon Wacky from Bonkers and Br’er Weasel from the Song of the South comics, which sent me further down the rabbit hole of Disney weasels. Over the months, I found more artists and characters, and it all made me happier, helping me forget my problems for a while.

When summer break arrived, I doubled down on my research, explored more art styles, and followed my favorite artists across platforms. That’s when I found Tumblr. I created an account under the name “Soapywoozle” and made my first post on July 1. Joining Tumblr turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve met so many amazing, kind, and creative people here. For the first time, I feel like I truly belong in a fandom—I feel seen instead of ignored. I’m so grateful for everyone I’ve met, and I can’t wait to keep sharing this journey with all of you! ❤️

@marinerainbow @shy-nightmare @basiabd @los-angeles-toon-patrol @loveforskekshod @lastofautumn @sammyanimates @alexissoosigma52288

Thank you all for being the best people I’ve could’ve met! This fandom has made me so happy and has helped me a lot with my mental health! In a way I would like to Thank wheezy in particular since he got me into this fandom! I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t see him!

Maybe if wanted I’ll show all my old toon patrol art and show how my oc’s look back then to show how they’ve changed.

As a small tribute here is some old splatoon clips and photos!

[ellieeatsnot]

vent abt $h:

About two days about i relapsed after two weeks clean. it was just after a rough start to my morning, snow ruined my attempt to get help with a therapist and it through me threw a loop.

the funny thing (that’s prob just funny to me) is that i accidentally dropped my last blade into the sink while using it to pop my cystic acne lmao. it was a wood burning kit tool blade. one of the sharper things i’ve used.

anyway my dumb ass self bought like a whole ass $h kit the next day. i bought shaving razors primarily because i needed to shave and had none, but then proceeded to buy new bandaids (because the old ones were giving me gross blistering rashes) and scar healing stuff. then broke open a razor when i got home. i didn’t do anything that day but the next i had my rough start and bla bla bla relapsed.

i wasn’t expecting this flimsy ass sheet metal of a razor to cvt as deep as it did. like instant gratification, straight to white. something that in the past i would have needed to go over multiple times to achieve. i kinda scared myself but the blood stopped relatively fast and i was able to put on a bandage and yeah.

today was definitely a wake up call though. it’s about 3pm and i get a call from my best friend. she has frequently struggled with $h, far more than me and has in the past used it to try and off herself. almost worked she had to get surgery and whatnot. i’m so glad it didn’t because i probably wouldn’t be around if she didn’t come into my life. a few months ago she expressed to me about a deeper cvt she did in her thigh at the start of 2024. which relates to this story because she went through the same emotions she did today as then except im so happy i could be there to calm her and reassure her things are going to be okay.

anyway, i get her call and of course i immediately answer. i’ll always answer her calls after all it’s probably one of my greatest fears something could happen to her. i answer and at first im not gonna lie i thought she was laughing but then i realized she was actually crying. i hate the way i responded. “woah! what’s wrong are you okay” i mean it could have been way less shocked and a whole lot more respectful and calm. i think i reacted the way i did because i thought she was laughing at first.

but she then goes on to explain to me, panicked, that she cvt too far. i’m shaking i don’t know if she’s hit a vein or something. i don’t know if it’s in need of stitches, she’s just expressing to me how she has no one to go to and how scared she is and how she doesn’t want it to get infected. i manage to calm her down a little bit, i tried to figure out where it was but she broke down a little so i missed that. once she’s semi calmed down again i tell her and ask her what she can do. and eventually she’s laughing at my jokes and we talk for a good 30min on the phone.

i know that this really scared her. i’ll never be upset with her for scaring or asking me for help. never. i love her so much i just hope that she can genuinely see that i am so happy to support her and love her when she doesn’t have that support at home.

the point of sharing this story is to show to myself that i need to be strong for her. i can’t let stupid things trigger me to cvt deeper. i need to work on my emotional intelligence with reassuring and understanding people. my best friend is so strong and so intelligent and im so grateful to have her in my life. but in a way, and i don’t know how to express this without sounding like a dick, but i am thankful she shows me how serious and intense $h can be if im not careful. she is also teaching me how to trust and form deep emotional relationships where i can learn how to comfort and communicate these difficult situations and feelings. now of course i dont like that she’s experiencing this. i’m not sadistic. i love her so much and she absolutely deserves to live out her dream life, marrying a kind and caring man, having kids, and enjoying the rest of her life in peace and i would do anything to provide that to her. but i can appreciate that i can be there for her and learn from these things.

[jeanie-beanie-98]

Felix Gaeta is autism coded ( at least to me)

Now I understand a lot of what I’m about to say they seem like me projecting (it probably is) but there’s just so much to this character that seems INCREDIBLY autistic (I say this as a person with autism). Now keep in mind that not every person with autism has the same experiences, and that we’re all on a spectrum. Therefore, there are no symptoms that are one size fits all. With that in mind, there are so many moments in the show that signify ( at least to me) that he’s at least neurodivergent.

Needing a routine or structure

For many autistic adults, there is a strong need for a structure or a routine in order to get through the day. It’s incredibly helpful when we have our thoughts, organized and set up in a way that makes life easier to manage. For example, during my last semester, I realized that I have sensory issues when it comes to touching charcoal. For my class, I needed to create a charcoal portrait. Therefore, I had to wear gloves the majority of the time in order to make it easier for me to finish. As such, for those days, I had to plan to have those gloves in my backpack.

In the second season, episode eight, Final Cut, ( when interviewed by Deanna) Felix talks about training his whole life so that he can be assigned to working on Galactica. Now this is just a fan theory, but what if he wanted this due to the fact that he wanted more structure? A place where he not only has a comfortable routine, but a place where he could make a difference?

Trusting the wrong people, but having good intentions

So one thing that I’ve experienced as an autistic adult is that there are many times where I have misread a person or a situation and thought that said person or situation was good. Autism affects communication, after all.

One thing that I’ve noticed about many people both in the show and in the fandom is that many people get rather annoyed that Felix had trusted a lot of shady people, for example :

Gaius ( as much as I love him and ship him with Felix)

Sweet Eight

Tom Zarek

I’ve seen the common complaint that people think he’s stupid. But to me, this signifies that maybe he doesn’t understand social cues completely. For example, there in the episode, Unfinished Business, there is a scene where President Roslyn and Admiral Adama were both listening to Felix excitedly info dump about the infrastructural plans that would be implemented on New Caprica.

Once he left, Roslyn states that, “ I’d never thought he’d leave,”

to which Admiral Adama replied,

“ he’s a good kid.”

Never in my life could I relate more to a character! There were so many times where I thought people liked me, or listening to me because they cared, only to find out from others that those people made similar comments. And that’s not all. There were many times where I thought that I was doing the right thing by trusting these people. I remember distinctly going to therapy in order to understand social cues. I don’t always pick up on things like facial expressions, sarcasm, or different tones in voice. So when I saw that scene, everything clicked to me that maybe just maybe, Felix Gaeta was autistic. Which leads me to my next point: his strong convictions and morality.

Doing what he thought was right

So an intriguing point that I’d like to bring up is that with a lot of autistic people (myself included) have a strong sense of justice, as well as a strong sense of morals. So oftentimes, if there is someone who we think is someone doing something wrong, we call them out on it ( even if it’s not socially acceptable).

All throughout the first three seasons of the show, it’s been established that the Cylons are the enemy of humanity. Sure, there are plenty of shades of gray within the show, but for a long time, both sides were fighting each other.

Now there are plenty of nuanced character characters, such as Gina, but Felix never got to truly know all of them. So, from his perspective, he just sees innocent human civilians and soldiers getting killed by Cylons left and right. And with the betrayal from Sweet Eight, it was no wonder that he developed a hatred for the Cylons.

Imagine trusting someone with your life, only to find out that they had been using you the entire time to kill off other people. Imagine caring about someone, only to be used by them over and over again. It was even a point that multiple characters throughout the series had brought up- his naivety.

This happens to autistic adults a lot! This has happened to me a lot!

Hell, this man was kidnapped by his own peers, accused of collaborating with the enemy ( with two jurors being Cylons) , and nearly murdered for even looking like an enemy.

Eventually , his leg is shot off by a cylon!

And after the whole thing with finding out that earth was a nuclear wasteland? And losing Dee?!

To see the leaders that he looked up to *suddenly* side with the beings who he knew killed his people was probably the final straw. And I don’t think that he liked rebelling against Admiral Adama either. He cried when holding the pins in Adams’s office. He tried to give him a fair trial by bringing Romo Lampkin in. It was like watching an angry son trying to understand his parents.

Now, both Loius and Gaius brought up Felix’s moral center quite a bit! In webisodes, Louis mentioned how that’s what he admired about Felix. And during the mutiny, Gaius tells Felix that he’s an honorable man who wants to do the right thing.

I genuinely believe that if there was an episode where if he was formally diagnosed, and he actually received help, he wouldn’t have spiraled the way that he did. And maybe just maybe, things could’ve turned out differently for him.

And while many of his actions were very screwed up, I can’t help but feel for him. While yes, Felix has his flaws, his flaws are essentially what humanize him for me. His flaws and his mannerisms show his humanity, but to me, they show that Felix is a very well written, complex autistic coded character.

And I think for me, that’s why he’s so relatable.