#i feel like my whole soul has been exposed

[hopeinthebox]

HI BABE 1, 50, 100 because i wanna hit the whole list👀 and a secret fourth option if you want hehehe -ryen mwah mwah

ryen my BELOVED <33 big reveal here goes:

1. Mama You've Been On My Mind - Jeff Buckley

50. Champagne Shit - Janelle Monáe

100. HUH?! (feat. j-hope) - Agust D

+ secret 20. Automatic - The Pointer Sisters

send me numbers 1-100 and i’ll share the song from my top songs of 2023 💜

[vaguely-concerned]

for what it's worth I personally don't believe spite had anything to do with the pantry near-kiss experience at all. I think that was a 100% lucanis naturel disaster no supernatural additives present or indeed required. at most spite was watching that whole situation go down with mild puzzlement about approximately every part of it, I don't think he'd have much interest in it one way or the other. the explanation seems much more mundane and grounded and in some ways much sadder to me.

if your nervous system has never been in a place where any surge of emotion, even -- in fact sometimes especially! -- a good and exciting one makes you feel like your soul just touched a hot stove it can't get away from, then sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and without a trace of snark, thank goodness and I hope you never experience it. For the rest of you... fistbump of solidarity it's rough out here but *grits teeth* we stay silly etc. In the place lucanis is in during that part of the game, feeling like you're losing control (again even for ostensibly good happy reasons) can feel an awful lot like you're dying, or worse. on top of everything else going on for him -- again going only with non-supernatural elements and not even comprehensive: a year of non-stop horrific trauma added to pile of previous mountain of childhood and attachment trauma. chronic sleep deprivation. apparently dead grandma doubling as mother figure. cousin-brother aggressively fucking around and in real danger of finding out. fucked up the ONE thing he thought he knew how to do that's been the central pillar of his identity. the world might be ending even more than it already was because of it. keeps faceplanting with barely any dignity and having to get up again with alarming regularity GOD how could I ever not save treviso this man desperately needs a W (just one!!) like few people in the history of the world have before him. he's more caffeine than man because the alternative feels worse. it's bad in here. and ON TOP of all that he's in the process of falling just. appallingly soul-shrivingly in love, which can notably be playing on hard mode even when you're in a mostly functional place, that shit routinely rocks people to the core under the best of circumstances.

so I'm not surprised it's too overwhelming for him to handle when he tries to throw himself in head first -- in fact I'd have been more surprised if it weren't lol. he clearly wants it so much, which only makes it so much more painful that he can't actually bear to touch it when it's offered to him freely and eagerly. this is the tantalus-level awfulness of this kind of attachment trauma; food seems to be right there, you can see it, almost smell it sometimes, but no matter what you just can't seem to reach it. seemingly not for any flaw in the existence of the food, but because of something broken in you that can't or can't bear to actually eat. his deliberate flirting routine is kind of deeply dorky tbh lol (in the most endearing way possible let's be perfectly clear) and I don't think it's entirely natural to him -- that's a hastily cobbled together 'oh god I am getting the vibes here it is happening for some reason they like me for my personality quick what would illario do' approach if ever I saw it, supported by the fact that it never really makes a return after this --

BUT I do think his obvious near-unbearable delight with rook's existence and person that shines through in that scene is entirely real and unfeigned. he likes them so much. he wants so bad to be able to be close to them. he's so hungry for the reprieve and release and relief they represent to him, just for one moment, just one break from all the awfulness to have something uncomplicatedly good. and it's here, it's been offered, he's welcome!!! and he has to flinch away at the last minute anyway because he's an exposed nerve of a human being. there's a point at which every sensation including joy becomes indistinguishable from agony. he's pretty much exactly at that point. for the love of god have some mercy on him people. the feeling that salvation is right here but you're too broken a vessel to hold it is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. let him have a few moments to stare into the void before he's ready to get back up and try again surely we all deserve at least that much lol

[importantpuppystarfish]

I fell in love with my sister

Male reader x Yuna

Warnings: Incest, totally blood related siblings

I had never thought I would fell in love with my own sister.

Maybe its because I have been watching too much stepsister porn which leaded me to have the same attraction over my own blood related sister. I had always wished I had a sister to fuck and luckily I found my sister attractive. My love for her has grown stronger ever since she became a member of Itzy.

Her busy schedule as an idol means I rarely get to see her at home; coming by once in a while to spend time with her family. I know its totally wrong to think of her like that but the way she dances and reveals a lot of skin lately makes me uncontrollable to have feelings for her. I have mastrubated quite a few times watching her fancams. My phone gallery is full of her hot fancams & images which I use to imagine nasty stuff. I’m sure plenty of guys think the same way about her, but I’m fortunate that she’s my sister.

I am not even sure if she is a virgin or not, who knows, her company managers might have taken some advantage of her body. I don't know if she feels the same for me. I am left wondering; could she possibly like me?

On a certain night, within the summer hiatus, she reappeared at home. She was dressed in extraordinarily short clothes that exposed her sexy waist. Our eyes locked, and a profound connection seemed to pass between us. We stare into each others soul through our eyes. The home seemed to be empty. Yuna asked curiously "Yo Oppa? Where's mom and dad?". “They’re currently away to village on some business,” I replied. Yuna’s lips curled into a smile as she bit them, displaying a seductive expression. "Guess we gotta be alone and sleeping together then!" said Yuna. I felt a surge of motivation and realized this might be my opportunity to express my feelings for her.

After she took a bath and changed into a T-shirt and shorts, the fragrance of her body was pleasantly appealing. Her body smell was better than flowers and it was turning me on so hard. We cooked the dinner together and had a few talks about our recent lives, how is it going and our memories when we used to live together. While preparing the meal together, we exchanged glances. I look a peek at her tits and ass a lot. It seemed she was aware of my gaze, yet she seemed comfortable with it.

After having dinner and brushing our teeth, it was time for bed. We both felt a subtle attraction between us. I went to toilet to pee. Yeah, I always had a habit of not locking my phone with a PIN or passcode since my parents did not know how to use smartphone so I thought it wasn't necessary. After coming out from the washroom, I realized I was in a difficult situation when I noticed Yuna was browsing through my gallery. She seem to be shocked to discover what she found.

Yuna ~ "So is this the reason you've been peeking at my body while we were cooking? Are you somehow sexually attracted over me?"

I started feeling submissive and scared at what she said.. She seem to be not angry but waiting for my reply.

Yuna speaks again ~ "It's ok.. I understand how boys feel, I know what would've been going through."

Yuna starts approaching towards me. Putting her hands over my arms, head to head looking at each other eyes. She leaned and kiss at my lips aggressively.. Our lips meeting each other aggressively. Her eyes closed but mines open in shock. The whole room was quite, we started getting sweaty due to tensions. She started sliding her tongue inside my mouth leading for a french kiss.. We kissed romantically exchanging our tongues and salivas through our mouth. The kiss lasted pretty long. She opened her tshirt and was wearing a simple bra. Oh god damn she looked like an angel. Yuna starts unbuttoning my pants and said in a freaky way smiling "damn its hard, isn't it? looks like the size is huge".. She made a wow expression in an impressed way looking at my dick.. I was shy and nervous what to do.. This was the time i feel it is heaven.. I never imagined my sister in this position in real life..

Yuna starts to put my cock inside her mouth, she started licking the head with her tongue and starts sucking it like a pro.. It seemed that she was already experienced, she sucked it very well with hesitation and i was moaning really loud in heaven.. I literally cummed inside her mouth that time without permission. Yuna seemed to swallow the cum inside her mouth already. She was smiling. I start making my first move by unbuttoning her bra. She helped me unbutton it, the bra fell off.

She seem to have pink nipples since her skin was really pale. Her tits were massive enough to squeeze really good with my hand.. I start squeezing her boobs, trying to put it on my mouth. She laughed a bit because i was nervous.. She lay down on the bed, allowing me to suck her tits. She put her hands on my head, moaning in joy.. I started exploring her body more downwards.. I started licking her belly, navel & thighs.. Her skin is so fucking delicious.. It was so warm. As i move more downwards, i pulled down her panties. Her pussy looks like flowers! How clean and shaved it is! It was damn wet as well.. I started eating her pussy without hesitation.. I can hear Yuna moaning.. She locked my face and mouth inside her pussy with her thighs & legs.. Eventually she was enjoying and calling me for a kiss to taste herself

We kissed passionately, enjoying each others breathe. Now I started getting out of control and wanting to slide my cock inside her. I started fucking her, it was my first time ever. It felt so good pounding her. Yuna seemed to enjoy her brother's dick inside her. I wanted to cum inside. "Yuna, do you think I should do this?" "Yes i want ur cum inside me oppa!" replied Yuna in excitement. "Oppa please! I want ur cum inside me! Breed me!"

I couldn't control anymore hearing at her sexual seductive words. I instantly cummed inside her without a 2nd thought. I leaned to her face for a kissed. We both French kissed passionately.. Laying both besides each other in the bed. Its late middle night.. All silent in the room.. We can hear our huge breathing. I asked Yuna "What about our parents? What will we explain about our children or should we do an abortion? "

Yuna replied in an odd way "I guess we have to hide them. Lets live together in a another place and start a family. I love you Oppa!". From that day, Yuna is my sister, my wife and the mother of my children!

[evilgwrl]

Neighbour!Simon Riley x Reader

Girl Next Door (Three)

CW: Someone breaks into your garden but nothing violent occurs (beside Simon having a gun), u share a bed (nothing happens yet sorry...), simon also has very perverted thoughts about you and wants to act on them very badly!!!!

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

Note: sorry I haven’t been posting as much I’ve been out 24/7!!!!! I will make up for it 🥲 sorry if this is bad

Your fingers coiled into a tight fist, ramming against the door with obscene force. You weren’t even 100% sure what time it was, or if he would answer but you were desperate and scared. Simon’s eyes jolted open at the disturbance, groaning in annoyance as he rolled out of bed. His body was clad with loose checkered sleep shorts, his hip bones peeking out as he etched towards the noise.

Beady pools of brown leaned into the peephole, the sight of you nearly sending him into anaphylactic shock as he took in your appearance. Your cleavage was plush against the silken material, nipples pearling under the twilight. His cock chubbed as he took you in briefly before he opened the door, your eyes wide with… fear?

“Simon, I’m so sorry, I’m-“ You stammered over your words, rushing frantically back and forth as you rubbed your arms anxiously, your hair raised with the static of consternation.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” His tone was curt, almost confused as he took in your frantic state. What on earth could you need him for at this time of night?

“There’s someone in my backyard.”

Simon looked at you briefly, taking in what you said before reacting, pushing you inside as you stumbled to the couch. He moved with urgency, grabbing you by the arm and leading you to his bedroom as he ordered you to stay put, digging around in his nightstand before feverish hands wrapped around carbon steel, the all too familiar feel of a gun sending his body into over-drive as he slammed his door shut.

You panted, your heart exceeding against the walls of your rib cage, creasing through every crevice as your throat wound up, not only at the intruder but how it was almost second nature for Simon to protect you, to kill for you if needed. Were guns even legal here?

Your back was flush against his singular pillow, your thighs nestled together before a small gasp left your lip. You weren’t even wearing panties. Jesus Christ. You were in your hot neighbour’s house, in his bed, panty-less. You almost laughed at how cliché it was, and if the timing had been better, maybe you wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable by it, but you were scared.

What if the man next door was a serial killer and he took out Simon and was coming for you next? What if he was out to get you? What if the police don’t come in time and he gets away? Simon wouldn’t let that happen, you thought to yourself. Who were you kidding? You barely knew Simon.

Your hands pooled with sweat as you rubbed them together, your head now caged in by his pillow. The silence was perpetual, almost suffocating, the hairs in your ear tickling your nerves as you closed your eyes, praying for the sound of sirens or even yelling.

You felt like you had been here for hours, your muscles locked up, spine tense with perturbation, nails drawing blood at the flesh of your exposed thigh, the light patter of hair standing up straight as you listened to the sound of your breathing, the agitation and struggle behind it.

It was soft but you heard it — the normally dreadful sound of sirens, etching closer and closer by the second as your taughtened limbs relaxed slightly, the sound of Simon’s voice calling out to you, almost as if he was permitting you to move. Your bare feet padded against the floor; your arms self-unconsciously wrapped around your chest as you were greeted by bright, blaring lights.

You watched as a man was handcuffed, his skin a deep olive, arms littered with tattoos and a deep scar that ran from his wrist to elbow. His eyes were almost violent, a putrid green staring into your soul, almost swallowed whole by his pupils. You felt chills as he turned to face you, pointy canines lashing out of his thin lips, the stained colour glistening with spit as his voice sounded out to you, “I’m sorry Ma’am, got the wrong house, you see. Didn’t mean you any harm.”

He was ushered into the back of the cop car, your throat parched as your eyes narrowed in on the intruder, your breathing still shallowed as you felt a cold hand placed on your shoulder. Your body reacted, skin crawling with fear as you turned to look at Simon. You took in his face, the tone of pink that flushed his lips, the blonde lashes that concealed his bistre eyes, the slight imperfections in his skin that made him more masculine.

You read his lips, your ears ringing with a deafening tone as you grounded yourself.

“Y’ alright?”

“I- Uh, I guess. I don’t know. It was scary, I was- caught up in something and I looked out the window and just saw a figure. I’m sorry for d-“

“Don’t apologise. I’m glad you came to me, I’m sorry if I scared you.. with the gun and all. I, uh, work in the military so it’s kind of second nature to me.”

You were right. He did work in the military. You smiled, almost too softly, the crease of your cheeks barely evident but he noticed it. His eyes milked in how nervous you looked, how frightened your body stood and how thankful you were that he was able to help you. Simon didn’t join the military to protect neighbours, even the pretty ones, but he was sure glad it gave him the ability to do so.

The night dragged on, a female cop with rugged eyes grabbing a statement from you before they finally deemed it okay to go, patrolling the man off for further questioning. You felt almost relieved. You should feel better now. It was over and you were safe but the reaction your body felt towards the man wasn’t normal, the way your skin crawled, almost as if infested internally, bugs burrowing between your veins.

Simon’s voice cut your thoughts off again, his hand on the small of your back as your eyes connected. He could read the fear in them, the way your irises dilated, and your lashes burrowed into slick eyelids.

“Y’ gonna be alright tonight?” He asked, his body standing tall as he looked down on you. He felt like shrinking, his spine folding so he could feel less intimidating, to seem more caring, compassionate even.

Your tongue stilled, tying a knot in your mouth as you stuttered over the pools of spit that coiled between your teeth. “I think so.” Your tone was hesitant, your legs shaking against the porch as you rubbed your arms with both hands.

“Do you- Do you wanna sleep at mine tonight? I’ll take the couch.”

Your eyes met Simon’s, lapping in the sincerity that rattled between each syllable he spoke. “Oh no! I couldn’t possibly put you off anymore, I don’t want to cause any more disturbance, you’ve done enough.”

“I promise it’s no effort, it would make me feel better anyway if I thought you were more comfortable here.”

“Are you sure?” Your voice was small as you shuffled nervously. Surprisingly, he smiled, pushing his front door open further as you huddled in. You took in the atmosphere once more, noting how clean it was, how untouched. He set up his room for you, offering you another blanket to which you politely declined, your body felt like molten lava, pure heat scorching through your skin as you settled onto the mattress. You watched the way his body contracted, finally being able to admire the way his muscles flexed, arms stained with a plethora of drawn ink. His back was rough, detailed with a litter of scars, supported by his burly physique.

“Simon,” you called out as he began to shut the door. His eyebrow perked. “I feel bad about you sleeping on the couch. I- I don’t mind sharing, I don’t want to be weird, I just feel like I’m taking away your bed.”

“Just want you to be comfortable, love, that’s all.”

You patted the sheets next to you, offering him a smile, the light rosiness of your cheeks visible in the soft shimmer of the moonlight. Your body curled to the side, your back to him as you whispered a soft ‘good night’. It was strange. You had shared a bed with previous partners, but it never felt like this. Maybe it was the taboo of it all, your body heat melting into the sheets of your neighbour who you had only properly met yesterday.

Your thighs knocked together, settling at the edge of the bed as you shut your eyes, lashes flickering open occasionally when you were greeted with the eerie sight of the man who broke into your backyard.

Simon struggled to sleep too, his cock throbbing as he faced you. He took in the way your hair fell softly against the apple of your cheek, and the way your eyes would open on occasion which he assumed was due to nerves. He took in the way your nightgown had ridden up the back of your thighs, your legs coiled together in an attempt to not break his personal space.

He almost felt like flushing up against you, letting you feel the ache of his member, the way his tip leaked with pearly pre-cum, staining his sleep shorts. His fingers nearly reached out, pulling your legs apart to rock his tongue into your bare cunt, fucking your entrance with vigour as you soaked his muscle with your slick. He wanted to split you open on his cock, let his length stain your walls with every vein that flushed his shaft, spilling his hot seed into your womb as you begged him for more.

But he didn’t. He just turned around.

[redwinelew]

knee socks | lewis hamilton

summary | singer!y/n released a song which exposes lewis' lack of attention toward her in their relationship and he isn't too pleased with it.

warnings | 18+. smut. oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, vaginal sex, dirty talk, lewis being a little mean, english is not my first language, pls lmk what else i missed

author's note | i have nothing to post rn and this has been sitting in my drafts so weeks so here you go. lmk if u guys enjoy this and if u want me to write more written fics.

lewis is a private man, he made that clear all throughout his life, since the first world championship trophy was handed to him, the moments everybody's eyes in the world started to set on him, following his every move, to this day. he doesn't like channeling his personal matters to the public. sure there are a lot of people who'd be interested to know, journalists who would sell their souls for an exclusive interview with him, but nothing can make him give up his peace anymore. he had his moments when he was younger. everything was open to interpretation for the media and fans. but as he gets older, things changed. private life should stay private.

you are a musician. and it's risky, dating a musician. he's seen it. he's been with one, and he is one. he thought he already knew, he thought he understood what he was getting himself back into. you are different from his ex. you make your own music, write your own songs, not afraid to be vulnerable through your art, never care however fans and media are going to interpret them. they'll never know the truth. it's none of their business anyway. he doesn't regret dating you, though. nothing could make him regret being with you. he wouldn't trade it even for his 8th championship.

but deep down, lewis knows this day will come. where a little inconvenience happens in your relationship was enough to set you off completely. the day where you stopped listening to the logical part of your brain and follow your heart instead. the day you pissed off enough to finally say fuck it.

in your defense, you were so caught up in your feelings. part of you also honestly didn't care. you are a singer, a musician, as much as he is. this is how you express yourself. he should have known that by now. if he didn't want the whole world to know how fucking busy he is with the race season to the point where he never spent time with you anymore, he should have pay more attention to you.

you would have argued with that if only you could form a single coherent sentence right now. but all you could say was—

"please...."

do not ask how long has this been going on. he could lie and say hours and you'll believe it. he could ask you to do anything and you'll obey. it's not like you have a choice. if it pleases him, if it will somehow get you the release you have been desperately craving, fucking hell, you'll do it. that's how it is right now. you, half naked on the bed. pants discarded somewhere on the carpeted bedroom floor. panties gone to fuck knows where. his old band t-shirt that you're wearing is pushed up, exposing your belly and almost your chest.

him? in between your legs. inked hands holding your thighs open for his tongue to explore your folds in every way he knows, drawing all kinds of sounds out of you, pushing you to the edge again and again but not quite giving you the release you've been desperately needing. not after what you said about him in the song, no.

a whine escapes your lips yet again when he pulls himself off of you just as you're about to reach another peak. he looks up, a smirk decorating his face as his tongue licks your arousal from his thick lips.

bastard.

"i didn't ask you to beg." he replies calmly, caressing your inner thigh all the way up to your knee, making you almost jerk up at the slightest of his touch.

of course he is calm. he's enjoying this. torturing you. driving you insane. god how you wish the tables are turn right now. how you wish that you have the energy to flip the two of you and get your revenge on him, showing him how it feels to be in your shoes. he'd be worse than you are right now. you can say that confidently because you've seen it. some rare moments where he handed over the control to you, letting you take charge in bed and do whatever you wanted to him. easiest way to say, he was a mess.

"you're not being fair—" was instead all you could say in such a pathetic tone that even you did not recognize yourself.

"i wasn't planning to be."

your pussy clenches around nothing at the casualness of his reply. your mind is pissed at him for ruining your orgasms but your body couldn't help but craving for his touch. you've seen the dominance side of him almost every night and yet the calmness that he's radiating right now even though you know how angry he is at you and your song is enough to send shivers down your spine.

there's something about lewis being angry and yet not completely showing it.

it turns you on even more.

"tell me what i want to hear first." he demands, his thick digits rubbing your bundle of nerves. your back arches into his touch. your eyelids flutter, broken moans fall from your lips.

the pleasure didn't last long. a soft, frustrated sigh leaves you as do his fingers from your clit. just when you were going to try catching your breath, he plunges two fingers inside without warning.

"fuck— oh my god—"

he hovers above you, eyes never leaving your face, watching your every reaction, the way your jaw hangs low. the thickness of his digits makes you feel so full already, you couldn't form neither words nor sounds.

"fuck, fuck—" and when he moves his fingers, you already saw heaven. the wet squelching sound from your arousal is so sinful it almost made you feel embarrassed at how wet you still are even after having your pleasure punished by him. your hand reaches up to his free arm near your head, clinging to him for support. your nails dig deep into his inked skin, drawing a silent hiss from him.

"come on," he says again. "tell me what i want to hear."

this might be it. he's fingering you with passion, hitting that sweet spot over and over again, making your legs tremble. he never half-assed anything in his life, especially when it comes to your pleasure but something tells you that maybe this is when he thinks that you have had your lesson and it's time you give you that release. he just loves you that much. and you always get what you want.

"n-no." you stutter in defiance.

he smirks again. your denial only makes this more fun for him, which is apparent in the way his fingers move rougher and faster right now. and you notice how his other digits are avoiding your clit, making it a little harder for you to reach another peak.

"four orgasms denied and you still wanna be stubborn?"

only four? it felt like hundreds, you manage to think to yourself despite how hazy your mind feels right now.

"please...." you croak out, and that's how far you'll beg for his forgiveness.

but he's not satisfied. he pulls out his fingers, and you would have groaned if you could even speak right now.

"no...."

"don't worry, sweetie," he cuts you off surprisingly, sitting up straight again. you prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he lines up the tip of his cock against your entrance, teasing your folds slightly. you feel as if air has been knocked out of your lungs. you didn't even think that this was a possibility tonight, to be fucked by him. to feel his thick cock inside you. genuinely you thought he would leave you high and dry, though it's very unlikely for him. but still. he could truly be that cruel when he wants to.

"i'll make you come if that's what you wanted so badly. but only on my cock. and i'll make you come again and again until i finally get my apology."

you swallow thickly.

that is certainly a promise.

[fy-perspectives]

A Letter to Self

Dear Future Me,

As I write this letter, my mind drifts to the deepest recesses of what it means to live a life of true meaning. Right now, I stand on the edge of the unknown, with a vision in my heart and a longing for something that feels both timeless and elusive. I feel the urgency of the moment, but also the understanding that this is not just a race to accomplish, but a journey of becoming.

I do not know where I will be when you read this letter, but I know that you are the culmination of all the choices I make today. The person you have become is the result of the small, quiet moments of reflection, the moments of profound silence, and the decisions to push through even when I felt lost. I hope you have not lost touch with the essence of who you are, for the journey ahead is not just about what we achieve, but about the way we evolve at the deepest level.

Health: A Sacred Vessel for the Soul At the core of my being is the understanding that health is not just the absence of illness but a sacred vessel that supports the unfolding of my purpose. It is not simply about eating the right foods or maintaining a routine; it is about honoring the very body that houses my soul. I feel an increasing awareness that health is intertwined with spiritual vitality—that what I feed my body, mind, and spirit creates the energy from which all else flows. I have worked to care for my body as an act of reverence, to move with intention, to breathe deeply, and to eat with gratitude. Yet, I know that true health goes beyond the physical. It lies in accepting my vulnerabilities, in cultivating emotional resilience, and in nurturing the peace within.

I hope that, by the time you read this, you have transcended the common notion of health. Have you come to understand that true vitality is a sacred alignment of the physical, mental, and spiritual planes? Do you still honor your body with the same reverence that you once set as your intention? Health is a daily commitment to being whole in every aspect of yourself, and I trust that you’ve continued to care for your vessel with the wisdom that only deep reflection and experience can bring.

Creativity: The Expression of the Soul's Truth Creativity, for me, has become something far deeper than simply producing. It has become the expression of my soul's truth. Every word I write, every brushstroke I make, every idea I birth is not just a reflection of what I know, but a reflection of who I am. I’m no longer driven by the desire to merely create for recognition or external approval, but because it is through creation that I remember myself—the raw, untamed essence of my being.

I’ve come to see creativity as an act of surrender—to let go of control and allow the work to emerge from the deepest recesses of my heart. The journey of creativity has shown me that vulnerability is at its core, and it is only by being authentically exposed that I can produce something that truly resonates. I have faced the fear of judgment, the self-doubt that lingers like a shadow, but through it all, I have learned that creativity is not about perfection—it is about truth. The truth of who I am, in each moment, in each breath.

Have you, by now, been able to create freely, without the weight of self-imposed expectations? Have you allowed yourself to simply create for the sake of being rather than doing? I trust that by now, your creative spirit has transcended the confines of the mind and entered into the realm of pure expression, where the boundaries between creator and creation no longer exist. May you be forever unafraid to express what lives in the deepest places of your soul, regardless of the outcome, for in that expression lies your freedom.

Long-Term Vision: The Pursuit of Meaning Beyond Success When I look into the future, I don’t see a destination as much as I see a continuous unfolding. The world speaks of success, wealth, and status as though they are the ultimate goals of life, but I have come to realize that they are mere illusions compared to the true purpose of living. My vision is not simply to achieve, but to become. To become the person who is not just successful by external measures, but fulfilled at the deepest level. My goal is to live a life of meaning, one in which I serve not from a place of obligation, but from a place of love, generosity, and purpose.

This vision is not limited to material goals; it extends into the realm of soulful abundance—a life lived with presence, awareness, and a deep commitment to contributing something of real value to the world. I understand that I am not just here to exist but to leave a legacy—not one of grand monuments or accolades, but one of quiet impact, where the ripples of my actions touch lives in ways I may never fully see.

Have you reached a place where your vision is no longer shaped by what others expect but by the pull of your own heart? Have you found the courage to pursue a life that feels aligned with your soul’s deepest desires, regardless of how unconventional it may appear to others? I trust that you are living in harmony with your truth, and that your work, whatever it may be, is not just fulfilling but deeply connected to the greater good. In your daily actions, do you embody the very values you hold dear? I hope so. For success is not measured by what we accumulate, but by the love and light we bring into the world.

Facing the Abyss: The Inner Journey of Transformation The most profound aspect of my life’s journey is perhaps the one that is the most difficult to articulate—the internal transformation that takes place beneath the surface. This journey is not always visible to others, and sometimes, it is not even visible to me. But I know that this transformation is real. It is the shift from fear to courage, from lack to abundance, from confusion to clarity. It is the process of shedding old identities, beliefs, and limitations that no longer serve my highest self.

In these moments, when the world feels like it is crumbling or when doubt and fear grip my heart, I remember that true growth comes from surrendering—surrendering to the uncertainty of life, to the knowing that I do not have all the answers, and that I am not meant to. I have learned that trusting the process is the key to peace, and that in the darkest moments, there is always light waiting to emerge.

Have you fully surrendered to the unfolding of life, knowing that everything, even the most painful moments, is part of the grand design? Have you accepted that the challenges you’ve faced are not obstacles to overcome, but the very soil from which your wisdom and growth have sprouted? I trust that you’ve learned to let go of all that no longer serves you and embraced the unfolding of your true self, free from attachment to outcomes.

Relationships: The Sacred Dance of Connection The relationships I hold closest to my heart are the ones that remind me of who I am and why I’m here. These connections are not defined by superficial exchanges, but by the deep, sacred bond that exists between two souls. I’ve learned that love is not just an emotion, but a sacred act of vulnerability, a constant flow of giving and receiving, where both individuals are free to be their most authentic selves.

In these relationships, I have come to understand the importance of both self-love and love for others. I cannot truly love others if I do not first love and honor myself. This is a profound truth that continues to unfold. Have you, by now, mastered the art of presence—of truly being with others in moments of silence, joy, and grief? Have you let go of expectations and embraced the beauty of unconditional love? I trust that you have nurtured your relationships with the depth, care, and love they deserve.

The Unfolding Journey I cannot know exactly what the future holds. But I do know this: I am here to become. To evolve. To step into the fullest expression of my soul's purpose. This journey is not about destination, but about becoming more authentically me with every step I take. I trust that wherever you are, you are living in alignment with this deep truth.

May you look back with gratitude for the pain and the joy, for all that has shaped you into who you are today. And as you move forward, may you do so with courage, faith, and a deep, unshakable knowing that you are exactly where you need to be.

With all my love, faith, and trust in the unfolding of your journey,

Sincerely Yours

[greenandsorrow]

the price for misbehaving (ii)

post rut Alastor x gn!reader

WARNINGS; the aftermath of a very horny fic, mentions of deer mating season, friends to lovers, deer/doe!demon!reader, reader with self worth doubts, a sprinkle of angst, curly-haired!Alastor, undertones of Alastor being a momma's boy, mentions of his past, making out, fluff (literally), there's plot

Dividers by; @saradika-graphics & @cafekitsune

Please do not repost or directly copy my work and don't use it on AI platforms either ❤️

From a smutty oneshot to a multi chap fic. Nothing can compare to the chunkiness of the 1st chapter, but I'm satisfied with this one as well. Enjoy you lovely beings and thanks for being patient with me!!! The art above is by @kalico-of-doom.

~masterpost~

The only time Alastor isn't smiling is when he's sleeping, you have come to realize. You can't help but notice how tired he looks as you lay motionless beside him. You start petting his ears and he groans softly, nuzzling deeper into your touch without even bothering to open his eyes. A small smile forms on his mouth, a real one. Is this really the same man that has been fucking you until your legs stop working?

In the morning you wake up in his bed, a daily occurrence at this point. However, you weren't expecting him to be staring deeply into your contemned soul.

"A- Al?"

Your voice is hoarse from sleep. You scratch your deer ears, flop on your back and stretch. Alastor keeps staring, studying you and every micro expression you make.

You can feel fear creeping into your gut. Is this the end? Is the rutting season gone? Does he want to kill you and eat you now? Will he kick you out? One thing is certain.

He doesn't need you anymore.

After all, you were just a friend helping him go through a difficult time. Nothing more. Still, you would be lying to yourself if you said that you haven't caught any feelings. From his forceful claiming -that hid a great deal of desperation- to his tender love making last night, Alastor has left more than just his mark on you. One could say that he owns you in the most primal and raw of ways, but if he chooses to deny that... -that's all it takes really- then you were nothing but a fucktoy.

"Um... I- I'm gonna take a shower"

Is that you doing the walk of shame? Alastor is a gentleman, why isn't he saying anything?! Not a single thing that could make you feel less terrible about the whole situation!

Now that his hormones have died down and you are far from aroused as well, getting out of bed and standing completely naked in front of him... It makes you feel exposed, vulnerable, small and inferior...

This new emotion, the deep embarrassment that has your face feeling hot and your stomach churning with anxiety makes you dress up and leave "your friend's" room in the speed of light.

You lock yourself in your much smaller room, preparing a bubble bath for your spent and tired body. You smile to yourself a little, remembering how Charlie had made sure you'd have your own bathtub so that you can read your books while soaking in the warm water.

Sinking in the now filled tub, having the water envelope your frame, cleanse your energy and take his scent off of you feels nice. You let your eyes droop until they close lazily, you allow your shoulders to relax, your jaw to unclench.

A long and audible sigh.

Your hands around your frame.

You start crying.

If another deer demon resided in the hotel, he might as well had spent his breeding season with them. You weren't special. The mere thought of such a thing is killing you. You were just another victim of the radio demon's manipulation.

Still, it's your fault as well. For believing this was more than what it appeared to be? Maybe. You are getting more and more confused by the minute.

But oh... the way he had been repeating your name like a prayer... It must mean something to him -you being there for him. You didn't even judge the way he had spilled tears of sexual frustration when handjobs weren't enough to relieve the ache in his loins.

Who else has seen Alastor Hartfelt of Pride under this light? No one. You are the only exception. He wouldn't have allowed you to get so close to him if he didn't trust you... Right?

As your thoughts keep overlapping and fighting with each other and you continue to cry softly, you peak up the all too familiar sound of static.

Another unfair thing! He can melt into shadow and go anywhere he pleases... The sound intensifies as he approaches... you? Is he really thinking of invading your space like that? You can't even cry and be miserable in peace! Not like you're in Hell.

"Bonjou! Konmen s'apé kouri? Huh?"

Not only are you not in the mood to ask him to translate what he just said, but Alastor literally spawned in your bathroom and he's now acting like this is an okay thing to do. The way he's readjusting his lapels and smiling smugly like he wasn't a grunting mess last night infuriates you even further.

"Can you please get the fuck out of here?"

"Mh?" he just stands there in his usual apathy. He's even holding his cane.

"Can you at least stop smiling for a second?"

"Oh ho! I'm afraid I can't do that my deer!"

"But you can definitely get your ass out of my room! I-"

The sound of your voice carries to your ears like a whining child. There's a lump in your throat that you're beginning to fear you won't be able to keep down for much longer. If your face and hair weren't already wet from the bath, then it would be crystal clear that you were weeping like an idiot before he saw himself in.

Alastor is quick to gauge your body language. You're hugging your knees -shielding your naked body from him. Sometimes you swear he can tell your emotional state by sniffing the air around you. It's like your scent is enough for him to piece together the puzzle that you are.

The radio demon scranches his nose.

"What's there to be so sad over y/n? Today is a beautiful day!"

Is he playing stupid?! Because if he's doing this on purpose... Well, there's not much you can do now that he doesn't need you anymore.

Your lower lip trembles at this terrible thought and the lump in your throat escapes your notice, resulting in a broken and weak sob to come out of you.

Tilting his head to the side way more than necessary and squinting his eyes, Alastor asks "Are you pregnant?"

You freeze and widen your eyes. "I- Is that even... even fuckin' possible in the afterlife?"

The fucker chuckles!

"Oh, I don't think so, at least not for lowly demons such as yourself!" The worst part is that he wasn't trying to insult you by saying that, but rather calm you down.

"Go to Hell."

"Ironic."

You can't help it now. You break down in tears. Your chest feels tight as the sobs ripple through your body and make your frame retreat to itself. In addition to your general misery, the water has gone cold, causing you to shiver.

The overlord places his cane against the tiles of the bathroom wall and crouches down so he is level with you. He won't let it show just yet, but Alastor is very worried. There's guilt eating him from the inside.

While he was in musth, in breeding mode -or in whatever you wanna call it-, he wasn't fully aware of his actions. Alastor's mind was blurred from the desire to mate and basically reproduce. Now that he's back to his senses, he has come to the unpleasant realisation that he might have caused you harm in the process of letting out his passion.

And this simply won't do! This deer demon has done cruel and vile things he doesn't even feel particularly bad about... but hurting you... He would never be able to forgive himself.

You were there for him and showed him a great deal of love and understanding.

So, that's the reason you left so hurriedly from his quarters... He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. HE DID THIS TO YOU.

Alastor's permanent grin fades just slightly. It is replaced by concern, evident in the way he looks at your trembling body in the water. He reaches out to gently touch your skin, checking for any signs of pain or discomfort. Your friend's voice softens, it's now filled with genuine worry and regret.

"I'm so sorry darling... I didn't know I caused you... pain."

It's true that you have many bruises and hickeys decorating various places on your body, but that's not the reason behind your breakdown.

"I- It's not th-" you just look down. You can't even explain yourself.

The radio demon's worry only deepens after your vague response and he quickly takes action to be by your side, pulling you out of the bathtub and into a tight hug. Alastor whispers reassurances in your ear, his voice filled with remorse.

"I'm so sorry... We should have stopped when it got too much."

No one has heard Alastor apologize before -not even God, for all that's worth.

His expression softens even further as he sees your tears that just keep coming. He carefully brushes them away, worry etched into every line of his handsome face.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. You must know that."

"I'm not in pain... Just sad."

You do look rather devastated.

Alastor is almost frozen in place from all the guilt since he can now see the bruises forming on your skin. The water camouflaged them, but now they are exposed for him to observe and take in.

He swallows hard, his voice shaking with emotion like never before. "Y/n... I didn't mean to do that. I didn't. None of it."

"None of it?"

Your voice is muffled due to how you have hid your face in his chest. At least he's warm.

"My intention wasn't to cause you injury or physical pain."

You look up at him, finally making eye contact. He's looking at you as well, eyes shining with regret, guilt and what appears to be shame.

What really surprises you, though, is the pleading tone of his voice. It's one thing to be vulnerable because he's hungry for sexual contact and another because he genuinely cares for you.

"Can you ever forgive me for this? I promise, it was never my true intention. I just... I got carried away. And now... It's not an excuse..."

"You really meant none of it to happen between us?"

"Now, now, little deer! Someone's getting ahead of themselves! That's not what I implied at all."

You sigh and settle in his lap.

"Oh mon cher, did you really think I regret our... stimulating times?"

Alastor's long arms press you against him, his clothes absorbing the water on your still bare skin. He then picks you up bridal style and carries you to your bed. It's not king sized like his, but he doesn't seem to care for such details right now.

"Now... Let me see you."

"I said I'm fine!"

"The artist will be the evaluator of his work."

"No Al! Artists get critics to evaluate their work."

"Hmmm, did you say something, dear? Cause I didn't hear you!"

It's a common tactic of his to hide his real feelings by being chatty and pleasant. You of course know that, but in your current state, it's very validating to have him take care of you.

So he did care. And he still does after having stopped necessarily needing you.

Alastor isn't joking around. He's searching your body, subconsciously writing down every scratch, every bruise and hickey, every bite mark.

Ears alert on top of his head, eyes wide open. He can even make out the shape of his fingertips on your hips... He turns you on your stomach only to discover his whole palms are imprinted on your buttocks. Meanwhile, you just allow him to inspect your body for as long as he wishes. All the crying has left you drained but also tranquil and calm.

"I'm fine Al. Really."

"Shhh, I'm not done evaluating the damage."

"It's just a bite or two."

"I drew so much blood..."

"Yes and?"

He just keeps observing, keeps rolling you this way and that. The scratches and the bruises are the most triggering to him. They remind Alastor of unhappy memories -back when he still hadn't taken good care of his father.

As long as he hasn't permanently marked you, it should be fine.

"I'll ask Niffty for some ice."

"N- no... Can we just... sit here? Like... cuddle?"

"You were my solace."

"What-"

He gently presses a finger on your lips to shush you.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to say that. It's not like I helped you with a flat tire or something."

"I don't do cuddling."

"Nor touching for that matter. But... It's not that bad, huh? Just let me put something on first."

You stand up and go to your closet to pick something to put on. Your hair is still wet and your legs still feel sore from your intense moments -but it was a big relief to know he still wants you in his life now the rut has ended.

Alastor's behaviour makes you wonder. He's contradictory. From fucking your throat in his radio station, to bending you over various objects in the hotel, taking you in missionary, against walls, windows and doors, he still seems pretty reluctant to give himself to intimacy. Unlike those times, his mind is now clear -no overwhelming heat involved. Intimacy equals vulnerability ...and to him vulnerability equals pain. The inevitable way in which things had worked out in his life.

"But we did sleep together until yesterday."

The radio demon cannot deny you. He's already sat at the edge of your bed, taking off his coat, shoes and anything else that could make the experience any less enjoyable.

"I wish I could say you'll take this to your grave."

You grin brightly and chuckle at his silly, little remark. Your confidence has been restored -to an extent- after he made it clear that he does concern himself with your wellbeing.

"But why don't you like being touched? Physical contact is a form of affection."

"Or a form of punishment, of intimidation, domination and... many other vile things, my dear deer..." His voice is too low for your liking as he says that.

You don't know what burdens Alastor's shoulders, but it can't be good -and I'm not even referring to his own cruelty and the pain he has inflicted on others. Maybe his opinion on physical contact is connected to the endless scars on his body.

"Oh well whatevs Al. I just want my cuddles."

The way his ears are pulled back and he looks at you almost like he's a shy and innocent boy makes your heart bit faster. At least there's no velvet rubbing off his antlers this time.

Alastor is extremely gentle and cautious in the way he handles you this time. He lays down on his back and you use his chest as a pillow.

It's a cozy place.

His chest. He has some fluff there, just like Angel, but unlike the former, he hides it under layers of clothing and keeps it unstyled. Still, it's undoubtedly soft and fuzzy and you like to sink your hand in it or swirl the soft fur around your fingertips. The radio demon isn't complaining -as one would expect. It's soothing to have someone touch his body in a non-hostile manner. It's refreshing to have someone appreciate his body as it is.

Would you also appreciate it if you saw him as he once was?

His father hadn't. He could handle the child of a mixed marriage, but Alastor wasn't just mixed, but also looked the part -and according to the racist beliefs of his father in the 1900's, that was a bad thing.

As you're happily nuzzled against his long and elegant neck, your friend's mind wanders. You lived during the 90's. What would it have been like if he had also lived during that period? Everything would have been different. The town he grew up in, his relationship with his parents, his career as a radio host -and a serial killer.

"Did you know that my hair is naturally curly?"

Your ears perk up at that and Alastor gently takes hold of them and pulls at them from the root, just slightly.

"That feels nice..."

"Oh I know."

"What were you saying?"

"Oh yes, my hair's curly! Since I was nothing but a tiny, adorable, baby boy! ...my mother... she..."

His hand lets go of your ears and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long sigh.

There's a melancholy about him now and you feel the need to comfort him. He's opening up to you by being genuine and vulnerable. Alastor is sharing a part of who he used to be and the least you can do is listen. You resume your activities on his fluff, almost massaging the area. He seems to like it, for a moment closing his eyes and letting a sound like purring.

"Can you keep this up?"

"Sure Al."

"Merci. What was I saying...? Oh yes, of course... Mama and my curly mop."

The radio effect of his voice and his arms around you make you feel like you're a kid being told a bedtime story.

It's a good thing the other residents have gotten used to you and Alastor disappearing together for long periods of time. His soft chest fluff under the pads of your fingers only intensifies the feeling of being told a story while tucked in bed, warm and safe from the outside world.

"It's truly amazing how much power is given to hair in certain cultures. In my culture, dear y/n, hair texture served as an indicator of social status. My family -a wedding between a white man and a creole woman of colour... Oh ho dear! It was something else back then...-

As a kid, I was always the one teased for having “weird hair”, as if it didn’t match my other facial features. When school began, my sweet mama, she... she would put my hair in locs to protect the curls. Apparently, they didn't like that at school! So my father... he -radio static intensifies- he made my mother shave it. He claimed that if my mother and I wore our hair differently, then no one would take us seriously."

You take a moment to digest this new piece information. It's true that locs enclose the natural hair and help it stay intact. It's also true that Alastor grew up in a time when it was very difficult to be of a cultural background which was different to the majority's. You choose to not comment on anything -that's not your job.

You swirl some more of his fluff around your fingertips before moving your hand to his hair.

"Well, it's not curly in the afterlife."

You feel the vibration of his chuckle through your check that's resting on his chest.

"But it is!"

Alastor lets out a satisfied sound as he presses you even tighter against him and begins rumbling about his hair care routine. He uses anti frizz oils, heat protection oils and then blow dries it. Truth is, that's just the steps you managed to actually register in your brain, because a sleepiness started overtaking you as you stayed laying in his embrace.

You're now fading between consciousness and unconsciousness. It almost feels like you're floating. Is this what Heaven is like?

Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But you did manage to find your little oasis in Hell. And so did he.

Alastor looks down at your much smaller frame curled up against him. Your breath has slowed down and your eyes are closing. Why does it feel so warm and soft to have you close to him like this? He knows he shouldn't be letting his guard down, but he can't help it when it comes to you.

The radio demon is enamoured with you.

Wanting to make the experience even cozier and dreamier for his favourite sinner, Alastor starts singing quietly. His sense of rhythm is immaculate and his jazzy tunes make you fall sound asleep in no time whatsoever.

When you wake up an hour or so later, he still hasn't moved, but he acknowledges that you're awake with a small hum.

"Oh wakey wakey my darling y/n!" had been his usual response to you waking up while he was in the rut. However, right now he appears to be much more unguarded and raw than his usual persona -no need to put up a show. You haven't even woken up properly and you're already wondering about this new side of him.

"Al? Is everything okay?"

"Oh why, yes it is, but there's this thought occupying my brilliant mind..."

"Care to share it with my not so brilliant one?"

You expected him to laugh or even chuckle, but Alastor goes straight to the point.

"All this... making love and we still haven't kissed. Not really."

Kissing him would mean you actually view him romantically and whatever "friends with benefits" situation you have going on will be destroyed. That's not a bad thing though. Despite your initial fears of your fellow deer demon being too emotionally unavailable and only needing you to calm down the torment of his lust, a kiss wouldn't hurt. Kisses are good.

"We can change that y'know."

You make the first step by leaning towards him, basically giving him the green light that you're consenting to this. Alastor notices it and wastes no time, pressing his lips against yours while wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close into another embrace. He smiles widely as you kiss, his head tilting slightly as he runs his fingers through your hair. After a few seconds pass, he pulls his head back, slowly breaking the kiss as he looks into your eyes with a broad smile -that reaches his eyes.

"Aren't you delightful?!" and he dives back in.

Alastor's second kiss with you is firm and passionate -but not overly aggressive. His lips are warm and he seems to enjoy the intimacy of it -taking his time to explore your mouth. As the kiss progresses, he gradually increases the pressure of his lips on yours. His arms wrap around your waist and his tongue slowly wanders further into the welcoming heat of your mouth.

Once again -just like when it came to sex-, you have come to the conclusion that Alastor isn't that experienced, but some raw power -an instinct if you will- provides him with the ability to do all the right moves at the right time.

And then, you just break character. You burst into laughter. His large and pointed ears twitch at that change of pace.

"When I thought I was doing a good job~"

"Oh no, that's not it at all. I'm just happy." You're giddy and so is he.

Maybe not needing you but actually wanting you isn't the worst case scenario.

To be continued.

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[chaoticace2005]

Reasons the Mothman should die, collectively written by the residents of the Hazbin Hotel:

Coding for Characters: Vaggie, Charlie, Pentious, Alastor, Niffty, Husk, pretty much everyone

TW: References to abuse

He’s holding back Angel’s progress. (Vaggie, is killing really necessary?) (I am concerned about going after a Vee)

I’m hungry (ALASTOR!)

Ms. Angel gets nervous when on the phone with him.

His coat is tacky.

He’s a bug! And bugs must be DESTROYED!

So Angel stops feeling like he has to be so damn fake. This is getting on my fucking nerves.

HE LICKED CHARLIE!!! (Vaggie, wait it’s okay.)

Color scheme sucks. Purple AND red?!

He makes Angel sad, NOBODY should make Angel sad.

Those obnoxious glasses just make him look stupid.

He’s a manipulative, abusive prick.

ANGEL DIDN'T KNOW BOUNDARIES WERE A THING?!?!?!?!?!? (Honestly that explains a lot.)

NOBODY deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

Too many arms. Nobody needs that many. (...Angel has that many?) (Well maybe he shouldn't.)

Ms. Angel keeps coming home all messy!!

He’s ruining hearts for everyone. Me and Angel already have enough. At least those are on our bodies, what’s his excuse?

Hearts should not even be ASSOCIATED with Valentino, THIS IS NOT LOVE.

I can do without all the sexual depravity. While I am in Hell this is NOT one of the reasons.

If I have to hear that ringtone one more damn time-

The Eggies found some of his films. They should never be exposed to such horrors. Now I have to explain what “a sex” is.

Makes picture shows that are a disgrace to the idea of “entertainment.”

He’s making a bad name for Uncle Ozzie. This is NOT “lust.”

So we don’t have to listen to another one of Angel’s pornos. (Agreed, it’s quite horrifying!!)

So Ms. Angel isn’t tired when she gets home and can save the kinky stuff for then :) (Niff, really?)

So the kid stops coming home with bruises and cuts that I fix up at 3 am. (Husk, what the fuck?)

Because what the FUCK Valentino?

He keeps forcing Angel to do drugs. (HE WHAT?! Like crack??) (That but also I’m pretty sure whatever comes out of him is an aphrodisiac.)

I want to use his antenna as a backscratcher

Has that whole red color thing going on. Only I am allowed to wear red :) (Al, your text isn’t even red.) (My what?)

What is up with his red spit and smoke? Seriously disgusting.

The red stuff from him may be what allows Velvette to create her “Love Potions” which funds Vax’s stupid endeavors (Do you mean Vox?) (Who?)

FOR MY COLLECTION :D (…yeah okay.)

Really is making a bad name for Overlords. And not in the fun way.

Angel’s shown trauma signs of abuse in our meetings. Im pretty sure it’s Valentino.

Make a doll out of his fur so I have a main villain for roach puppet shows!!!

His only purpose is to keep Veks occupied but considering Vixen’s inane attempts to catch my attention it isn’t working.

So Angel can have his soul and he and Husk can run off into the sunset together like in a fanfiction!!! (Ah, yes that would be nice.) (WE WHAT?!) (Oh Husker, denial doesn’t suit you.)

So Angel can get a good boyfriend THAT’S NOT ME to stop these bullshit allegations.

So Angel can admit his feelings to Husker because our cat surely isn’t going to be the first to do it. (ALASTOR I SWEAR TO GOD!)

Who knows how many other people he’s abusing.

Seems to give Vicks confidence. He has enough of that as is. It much more fun to destroy him.

He makes Angel sad which makes Cherri sad!

HE HIT ANGEL!!!

Called my dear Rosie an "old hag" NOBODY CALLS ROSIE AN OLD HAG.

Angel is a good friend and deserves so much better.

I’ve forgotten what moths taste like.

He keeps trying to get Angel to move out :(

Told the kid he had to lose weight. What the actual FUCK. (Ill kill him.)

He’s annoying and looks quite stupid. How has this not been added yet?!

He’s making a bad name for Spanish speakers everywhere. (Yeah it’s embarrassing.) (Wait… what?)

He’s making a bad name for pansexuals everywhere.

He’s making a bad name for wing-holders everywhere. (HE HAS FUCKING WINGS?!) (Oh, yeah, I didn’t tell you?)

Too tall. This is ridiculous.

Won’t admit he’s blind so he’s become even more of a public safety hazard.

If I get one more transmission of him and Box commiting lascivious acts someone will be eaten. I don’t care who. What the purpose of these are I don’t know. Advertisement? (I think it’s to make you jealous boss.) (Ha! Jealous of what? Mediocre sex with a pathetic excuse for a businessman with a TV as a head?)

Because Angel deserves fucking better.

[evilminji]

:T Hello there, Thought(tm) of the day...

I? Just remembered that Constantine's "Laughing Magician"(?) title is... f*ckin HEREDITARY?

Like?? As in The Constantine Meances have been out here, harrasing divinity and demons alike for GENERATIONS on behalf of a Good Time, the Lols, and probably Humanity if they can be arsed and you make a good case.

W... What chance would there even BE of at least like? HALF those f*ckers(conflicted but affectionate) NOT becoming Realms Ghosts? With the sh*t they're exposed too? With THEIR luck??

You think DEATH can trick them? Take them away for good? Take away the local Rat B@stard, Tricks Gods Just To See If He Can, Fate Is My Second Mistress and I Cuckold Glory On Your Mother's Bed, Constantine?

They run down main street, *ss in the breeze, wearing someone else's shirt and two shoes that don't match, not a stitch else, like run away lovers. Let Death TRY and catch them. Sorry, Luv, it's not them, it's definitely you.

..........I bet they're the wooooorst~~✨️

No joke, I bet they set up a whole *ss TOWN of Constantine.

Where the odds are in THEIR favor, gods fear to tread, and reality straight out stops working right. Like Diagonal Ally for B*stards, extended to a whole floating island. Everyone's related. It's Chaos. They can barely stand each other. Would sell each other for a toothpick.

Mess with ANY off them... and you can kiss your afterlife good bye.

They have NO neighbors because both no ones dumb enough to get NEAR them AND no one can stand to be around that many Constantines at once. The physical Manifestation of Fate wants to take the whole LOT of the handsy F*CKS to court for child support and a restraining order.

Somehow... they keep getting Earth Booze.

They SHOULDN'T have access. It's been anywhere from decade to centuries since they died. Millennium for a few. Howms't The F*CK, do they keep getting cheap gin and vodka? Bourbon and beer? Even the odd fruity cocktail for funnies.

Please... PLEASE! Tell the Zone at large, that their innate birthright powers STOPPED at Death. They... they are just REALLY good at smuggling right? Excellent con men?

Tell us they can't f*ckin PREDICT AND INFLUENCE Natural Portals!!!

*smug sipping noises from a large room full of Dead @ssholes*

Okay... They Won't Tell You~ 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*

Now! I hear you ask? Why are John's Terrible, Terrible, God Awful Ghostly Relatives relevant? Absurdly powerful as they are... they seem to take the afterlife as an extended "Ha! GET F*CKED, DEMONS WHO WANTED MY SOUL!" Vacation/Family get together.

Minded their business and expected everyone to mind THEIRS, or ELSE.

Didn't give two solitary SH*TS that Pariah woke from his little nappy-poo to cause a tantrum. After all, in their family? When DOESN'T some "great and terrible Power That Be" get itself in a snit? Meh... it's baby Johnny's turn to clean sh*t up. Best of luck to 'im~!

But THEN!

They must've been drinking... making out with their equally terrible and bamf trainwreck significant others... sitting around playing "who can cheat best at cards"... when? Huh.

Never seen the Fate and The Odds... STRANGLE like that.

Billions of billions of What-Ifs, Maybes, Could-bes, and more... suddenly YANKED towards a single spot. The allowance of Only One Outcome. Almost like what they can do, but... not, WRONG, per say...

Just... impossible.

There's NEVER.. JUST one way this plays out. You can control the big notes. The script. But the details and set dressing will always decide themselves.

NO ONE can just... Decide What Will Happen. And yet?

...............was....... was that Little Johnny? Has to be. Right? Where's his old man? Oi! Was that your Kid??! John's closest relatives are baffled. Nope. They can still feel him laying a beat down on some demon in Norway. So then? Who?

How?

Well mark them CURIOUS(tm).

They decide to actually get up. Put their various drinks and cards down. Put pants on. Somebody's done something... INTERESTING(TM) and they want to know what's up. So? Off they trot.

It's traumatizing for everyone who sees them. The Constantines have breached f*ckin B*stard Containment and are spilling into the Zone. On this! The DAY Pariah Waged A War! THEY JUST GOT RID OF HIM!

And Danny? His everything hurts. The Eyeballs are starting to come out of the woodwork and ARGUE about him like he's not even there. He's DANGEROUS blah blah blah. Give them the crown. Right now! Etc etc.

Somethings telling him not too.

It's... it's HIS isn't it? Has been for centuries and seconds. And... and... everyone one of him is King. There is only one of him. The Zone covers all the multiverse and all of the Hims that were and aren't here and helped and... and...! His head is starting to hurt.

But the more they try to push him to hand it over, the less he feels like unhanding the dang gaudy thing. No. His now. He'll use it as a DOOR stopper if he dang well feels like it! Stop yelling.

Then all these blonde ghosts saunter in... and all he can think is "F*ck. I think they noticed."

Huh?

@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites @bjurnberg @the-witchhunter @hdgnj

[kitasgloves]

Follow You

tracklist

— ♬ "I'll be your gravity, you'll be my oxygen"

— ♬ Chuuya Nakahara x Reader, SFW, gender-neutral reader, depictions of stalking, violence, and obsessive behavior, abandonment issues, Chuuya being deranged when he's in love, 3.5k words, no beta

— ♬ NOTE: I DO NOT CONDONE NOR ROMANTISIZE WHAT IS DEPICTED IN THIS STORY. EVERYTHING IS A WORK OF FICTION. READER'S DESCRETION IS ADVISED.

There's this hollow feeling that swallows one's whole consciousness like a black hole. It's greedy as it feeds on your light and energy. It leaves you empty, like a void. And to feel that void grow within you as it devours all the remnants of your being, it's a painful tragedy. Nakahara Chuuya felt that void in him widen from time to time. That void was born when he lost those who were close to his heart. By then, he learned how to surround his heart with walls. But there's always something unexpected that would tear those walls down and pierce through his heart.

Chuuya struggled with finding his humanity. As much as his mind reminds him that he is human, his soul isn't convinced. As he grew older and learned how unjust the world is, that void slowly ate away the remainder of his 'humanity'. Chuuya still believed there was an uncontrollable monster in him, a monster that claws at the remnants of his control until it takes over him completely. No matter how many good deeds he performed, it would not erase the feeling. And Chuuya has already accepted long ago that he wasn't a good person, and he's not going to waste his life trying to be one.

What does make one human? Was it your anatomy? Emotions? Consciousness? Or Purpose? The answer seemed to be one of the secrets of the universe. Chuuya doesn't ponder about what the answer will be. He's content where he is now, after all, he's been through a lot. Being an executive in the Port Mafia pays a lot and he can afford the luxury he wants. He has bursts of anger out of nowhere but he's getting the hang of controlling it. He has matured greatly but he knows he has so much to learn.

It was a domino effect when you stepped into Chuuya's life. One look, one smile, and everything came crumbling down. He regretted saving your life at first. You just happened to be an unsuspecting victim caught in a conflict between the Port Mafia and another group. You were caught in the gunfire at a restaurant, and you could've lost your life if it weren't for the gravity manipulator. He shielded you from the bullets and from witnessing the rest of the violence. Chuuya won effortlessly against his enemies while leaving a trail of destruction. But instead of focusing on the bloody disaster the man has left, your eyes glimmered at him.

"Thank you!"

You reached to clasp his hands and smile gratefully at him. Chuuya snarled at you as he snatched his hands back. He scoffed at the idea of you thinking he saved you out of the goodness of his heart. He only did that because you were getting in his way! But somehow, he couldn't look away from your glimmering gaze on him. You were abundant of life and he's sure that you weren't exposed to violence on a daily, unlike him. A tiny part of him wanted to keep it that way, you were just an innocent civilian. He may not be a good man, but he's not a cruel person to inflict his brutality on you.

It began with curiosity. Chuuya looked into your background. You worked at that restaurant, a minimum wage job. You lived alone in a humble apartment. From the looks of it, you were comfortable. Anyone who hasn't suffered so much like him would be content with your lifestyle. You seemed comfortable with your life, something Chuuya was a bit envious of. He can scowl and scoff all he wants but there's nothing he can do about it.

The gravity manipulator squinted his eyes and observed more about you. From what he gathered; you looked average. There was nothing out of place. He found out about the places you frequent, where you went to college and even the hometown you grew up in. He felt invested in finding out about your interests. Dare he says, he's impressed with your taste. It may not show in your appearance, but you had an elegant taste. Whether in music, food, or clothing, Chuuya found himself approving of it. 

He may have intentionally followed you when he wasn't busy and noticed you were shopping for wine. Chuuya can't help but gasp silently at how exquisite your choice of wine was. You were looking at underrated but delectable brands of wine, seemingly conflicted on which to buy. The Mafioso watched you look at one of the price tags and staggered back at how much it cost. He can understand that that brand of wine was way above your budget, but he can feel his chest tighten at your deflated figure walking away without purchasing the bottle of wine.

You noticed a small package delicately wrapped in red ribbon on your front door. You raised a brow and reluctantly brought the package inside. Suspicion filled you since you weren't expecting to receive any packages today. But as you unwrapped the ribbon and saw what was inside, your jaw drops. It was that expensive-ass wine you were eyeing earlier! You couldn't believe your eyes as you inspected the bottle. There was a tiny note attached to it.

Enjoy it while it lasts, sweetheart - C

You admit that the message left you both flushed but more suspicious. You took out one of your wine glasses and did a taste test. Your tastebuds screamed with delight at how delectable the wine was. Whoever that 'C' person was, they're most likely rich. They could have some sort of motive to send you this wine. Nonetheless, you enjoyed your evening with that heavenly bottle.

Chuuya had no idea what had gotten into him when he began anonymously sending you expensive gifts at your doorstep. That expensive wine was a random act of kindness that happens once in a blue moon. The limited-edition vinyl of your favorite artist was out of boredom. That expensive watch was only to see you smile as you wore it at work. That silk robe, that perfume, and that diamond ring were only an impulsive decision. Chuuya was hastily spending his money on you, and you kept accepting them not knowing who it was from. That was a stupid move from you, but you're lucky it was from him and not from somebody else.

You're beginning to fall for the 'C' person behind all the luxurious gifts that they send every week. You felt properly spoiled as you kept accepting more and more. You can't help it, it's not like you could afford all of those with your paycheck. One evening, you waited again for another gift from your mysterious admirer (if you can call them that). But what you weren't expecting was the guy who saved you from the gunfire weeks ago, waiting for you at your front door, with a bouquet of red roses. 

Chuuya gulped as he sweats in his expensive tailored suit, he takes in your bewildered gaze on him. He blushed as red as the bouquet before thrusting it towards you.

"...Were you the one sending me those gifts?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh"

You blinked and stared down at the roses. You looked up at Chuuya and gave him a sweet smile before walking over to him.

"That's so sweet of you, but why?"

"I—I was only curious and...and you had good taste"

"Okay. So, what's your name?"

"Nakahara Chuuya"

"I'm [Surname] [Name], do you want to go inside?"

You asked and Chuuya nodded, almost in a trance. He can't help but feel weak at the knees at how you smile at him. The moment you shut your door the Mafioso couldn't contain himself as he pounced at you, capturing your lips into an intense kiss. That evening ended with his and your clothes scattered all over your bedroom floor.

A relationship bloomed afterward. Chuuya took you out on proper dates and continued to spoil you endlessly. What he thought was only curiosity or boredom became a passion for him. Truthfully, loving Chuuya was difficult from the start. He has a temper and often keeps his guard up, and it took time and effort for you to help him be vulnerable with you. It tugged on your heartstrings to find out that under that tough exterior was someone who was starving for affection.

When Chuuya loved, he loved deeply. When he couldn't express his tenderness to the people who meant a lot to him back then, he did with you. With every waking hour, he'll make sure that you feel loved and that you are aware of it. He'd trace every curve of your body and mark your skin with love bites. He'll give you gifts and smother you with his kisses. Chuuya made it his top priority to make you feel safe and secure. He even convinced you to move into his large house so he could keep an eye on you.

It had something to do with his past, but he couldn't stand the thought of you leaving him. So, the gravity manipulator would follow you around on a daily. To your work, to go out with friends, or even at the grocery store. Chuuya was constantly on your tail without your knowledge. He'd disguise himself in various outfits and behave like a normal civilian to not draw suspicion. He'd smile to himself knowing that you're safe from danger because of him.

However, when you got involved in conflicts, Chuuya would take it upon himself to resolve them. That drunk man who kept flirting with you at the bar? He was found with broken bones in an alleyway. That woman who was rude to you at work? She was arrested for a crime she claimed she didn't commit. And that fucking creep that followed you home one night? He was beaten to death with his face disfigured. The Mafioso made sure everything was taken care of and you're none the wiser.

It became clear to him that you have come to his life to fill that void in him. When you wrap your arms around him and whisper sweet nothings against his ear, it brings his body back to life. It revives that hope in him that he thought he had lost. You have made him feel truly human.

Back then, his head was haunting him, and his heart feels like a ghost. He needs to feel something 'cause he's still so far from home. Chuuya hopes that you'll cross your heart and hope to die, promise him you'll never leave his side. Show him what he can't see when the spark in your eyes is gone. You've got him on your knees, he's your one-man cult. Cross his heart and hope to die, he promises you that he'll never leave your side.

'Cause he's telling you, you're all he needs. He promises you, you're all he sees. He's telling you you're all he needs. He'll never leave. So, you can drag him through hell, if it meant he can hold your hand. He will follow you, 'cause he's under your spell. And you can throw him to the flames. Chuuya will follow you, he will follow you.

Lately, you have been getting this feeling like you were being constantly followed everywhere. You were beginning to feel restless about it. When you expressed this to your boyfriend, he would coo at you and pull you into an embrace as he littered kisses all over your face. It would temporarily soothe you until you get separated from him. You'd carefully travel to work and feel the discomfort grow during your shift at the restaurant. You would try to call Chuuya during your break and he'll reassure you with a few words. You had no idea what Chuuya's occupation was, but you had an assumption that he was constantly busy and paid handsomely.

This discomfort developed into paranoia. You couldn't even tell anybody anymore because you're convinced that you would sound crazy. You had no evidence to link the cause of your paranoia. Your senses are heightened as you begin to notice things that you haven't before. All the people you had bad interactions with either ended up severely injured, arrested, or dead in the news. It sent an uncomfortable shiver down your spine. It seemed like you were the cause of their misfortune.

Chuuya was aware of your growing suspicion as he continued to follow you around. That ugly monster in him kept telling him that you'll abandon him sooner and it disturbs him so much that he starts to follow you even more. There wasn't a moment you weren't alone. He needed to prove that stupid monster wrong and that you wouldn't leave him. There was no way, and he wouldn't allow it. He has you now, and he won't let you leave him like everybody else did. If you did, you'd bring the end of him and the world.

On the way home, you kept a cautious eye out. You looked closely at each person you passed by. You felt like you were growing insane with each minute as you entered a discreet alleyway. All of a sudden, somebody sharply tugged on your bag making you twist your body, and your forehead was met with a gun. You freeze, feeling your body run immediately cold.

"Let go of the bag and I won't shoot, yeah?"

The gruff voice of a man said. Your lip wobbled as you shakily released the bag. But before the man could run off, he was attacked with a kick to the face. You stumbled back with a gasp as you watched in horror when the man was being brutally beaten by a smaller man dressed in a leather jacket with a hood over his head. You were unable to make out the shorter man's features as he punched the man's face to the point of almost disfiguring him. You have never witnessed such a brutal attack before. The man who snatched your bag had the upper hand with the gun but was bested by the other who had no other weapon in him but his fists.

You quivered in the corner with wet eyes as the shorter man finished beating up the bag-snatcher. His fists were bloodied, and you could tell that he was used to violence. Fear floods your heart when he starts to approach you with your bag in his bloody hands. The alleyway was dark, and it didn't provide the proper light for you to see the man's face. You had sunk into your knees, prepared to beg if the man was planning to beat you up too. However, you were taken aback when the man gently took your hand and returned your bag. Stray tears fall down from your lash line as the man immediately reaches his bloody hand to wipe them away, smudging some of the blood on your face by accident.

You recognized his touch, and it made your heartbeat stop. You blinked up at the man and reached out for his face. As you pulled his face closer, it revealed none other than your boyfriend, Chuuya.

"Chuuya?"

"You weren't meant to see that, darling"

He says lowly to you. When you draw your hands back, he swiftly grabs your wrists and pulls you close to him. His hands began to caress your hair and cheek.

"I'm glad you're safe"

"But you...you just beat up that man—"

"He fucking deserved it"

Your boyfriend growled making your lips shut. Realizing that he had startled you, Chuuya sighs and pulls you into an embrace, but it does not bring you any comfort.

"Why...? You didn't have to do that, Chuuya"

"I was trying to keep you safe, [Name]"

"You nearly beat him to death!"

"That's what he gets for messing with you!"

You pulled away from him. You could faintly see the look on his face, and it didn't look like the man who saved you from the gunfight long ago. You took a step back, clutching your bag against your body, and preparing to run. Chuuya's jaw was tight as he stalked closer to you, almost like a wolf.

"Chuuya, stop"

"Please, doll. I need you, come here"

He couldn't comprehend the petrified look in your face. You shook your head as you slowly processed what was happening.

"...Were you the one following me around?"

"I needed to, babe. I need to keep you safe"

"Following me everywhere does not make me feel safe, Chuuya"

"It's for the best! I need you, [Name]. And you need me. I can't..."

He trails off as he corners you against a brick wall. Your breath hitches as he places his hands on each of your sides, trapping you. Chuuya gives you a desperate look.

"I can't exist without you. Please, [Name]. I'll...I'll give you anything you want. I'll be anything you need"

Chuuya pleads with his face inches away from yours. You felt deeply disturbed by his behavior as you craned your neck and turned your face away. Chuuya just wants you to come sink into him and let him breathe you in.

"I'll be your gravity, you'll be my oxygen"

Yes, that's it. He'll be your gravity, keeping grounded here on earth and keeping you safe, keeping you from floating away from him. And you'll be his oxygen, the only thing that he needs to stay alive. But Chuuya can feel it, he's losing you. And it's tearing his heart apart so violently that a raw ache filled his senses. You no longer looked at him with those glimmering eyes. You looked at him as if you saw the monster he desperately kept away from you. He can feel it, the ugly monster in him laughing victoriously, laughing at how he lost another. But Chuuya kept grasping on, hoping you'd see through the darkness and see his good intentions. 

However, the longer the Mafioso gazed at your face, he realized that you had made your decision. Chuuya reluctantly pulls himself away. He could see it, the end of him and the end of the world. The moment you looked at him frightfully and walked out of that alleyway, leaving him alone in the darkness, the void in him grew larger. But he knows his heart is still beating, and longing for you, and you only. He'll never learn to yearn for anybody else. So, dig two graves 'cause when you die, he'll swear that he'll be leaving by your side.

Since that night, you ran to Chuuya's house collected every single one of your belongings, and left without wasting a minute. You've decided to move somewhere else, preferably away from Yokohama. You've quit your job and found a new apartment to live in. It was in another city, and it took a while for you to find a new job. All that mattered was that you were out of Chuuya's reach. You felt at ease at the thought he would never find you at your new home and that you would truly be safe now.

However, Chuuya thinks that things never ended. He never ceased to give up. You've never told him to his face that you and he are over, and he took it as another chance. It's not the end, he thinks. It wasn't a hassle to find you, considering the number of resources and connections he had, he found your new home in no time. Chuuya found out about your new job and your newly discreet lifestyle. He finds it adorable that you're trying to hide from him. It will never be over. Chuuya will follow to the ends of the earth. He will still remain to ensure that you're alive.

So, you can drag him through hell, if it meant he can hold your hand. He will follow you, 'cause he's under your spell. And you can throw him to the flames. Chuuya will follow you, he will follow you.

Adjusting to your new environment and lifestyle wasn't easy, so you were naturally stressed. Juggling with the adjustment and hiding from Chuuya drained your energy. So, when you caught a glimpse of ginger hair on the way to work, you almost doubled over. But you sighed in relief when you realized it was just a harmless stranger. You're convinced that you're just stressed when you thought you saw Chuuya amongst the customers you were serving in your new job, you checked again and were reassured that he wasn't hiding amongst those faces. You really think you could use a break because you bumped into a guy on the way home and he had the same azure eyes as Chuuya, you wanted to apologize to the stranger, but he has vanished.

Little by little, the gravity manipulator slowly inserted himself into your life again. He blended into the crowd as he followed you to work. He pretended to be somebody else as you served him at your job. And he would deliberately make contact with you in inconspicuous ways to satisfy his yearning for you. To Chuuya, he's willing to suffer just to have you again.

You can drag him through hell, if it meant he can hold your hand. He will follow you, 'cause he's under your spell. And you can throw him to the flames. Chuuya will follow you, he will follow you. 

©kitasgloves (do not steal or copy)

[vaguely-concerned]

when spite describes itself in lucanis' journals, it seems to consistently use the wording 'a small shade'. self-identified 'just a little guy (threat)' fhsak. I really like that wording, though. a shade, something cut off from the wholeness and living light that is the fade and made a shadow cast by someone else in the real world. 'small', under threat, vulnerable, sort of scrappy (and perhaps a little pathetic but in a 'don't touch me I'll bite!!!' kind of way haha).

I'm so in my feelings over how in the last journal it/he describes the two of them as 'a small shade and a wounded spirit sitting together', though. he's so confused and frustrated about what's going on with lucanis at the beginning, but once rook explains that lucanis isn't intentionally fucking with him, he's just hurting, spite seems to understand and accept that pretty readily (if not without some initial 'ugh FINE physical reality rules are so DUMB bitch you guys live like this' frustration lol). lucanis' early statements that spite doesn't, can't or won't learn are obviously bullshit and the game basically tells you so the moment he says it haha, but you know what. that is some deep learning spite is doing, and in like a year of being in the physical world too. I know plenty of actual real adult human beings who are not capable of that level of insight.

and also, as an aside... I think it's pretty conclusively proven in the series that spirits do have the ability to change and learn all on their own when they get the opportunity to and that it gets turbocharged for good or ill when they're exposed to the physical world. but I also wonder if some of it is the other side of the two way connection. just as spite flows into lucanis, surely that must happen after some fashion the other way too. does spite have some access to/come into contact with lucanis' kneejerk empathy response? to be in opposition to something or someone is not the same thing as not understanding them or where they're coming from, after all. in fact sometimes that can amplify the 'no no trust me I get it I understand. but fuck you doubly for it actually you still suck that why only makes it worse', so I don't feel that would go against spite's nature, even. lucanis already has such an interesting relationship to his own empathy all on his own -- he's a prime example of how 'empathy' and 'compassion' are not inherently the same process and one need not accompany the other. when he's in contract mode, empathy is just a knife, a way to understand people deeply so he can stab them better and more efficiently. when he's in family mode, empathy is accompanied with enough tenderness and compassion and warmth that it makes me feel ill to consider and makes it a bit hard for him to stay with, sometimes. it's the same skill/instinct, but shows up differently based on the context he's in. sure why not drop a demon in there and see what happens I guess lol. 'smells like tears and lying' anyone. spite's response to meeting compassion out in the world is 'GOD no don't make eye contact keep walking this is so fucking cringe', but uh. there's no way for him to escape it within the bounds of the person he's been frankensteined into, is there. aaaah it's so interesting.

there's something so fascinating to me about two souls who are so close they can't help but reflect and bleed into each other, but also remain two separate entities who can look at each other. and be mutually protective about it, clearly. augh.

[panlight]

Imagine Bella being immune to vampire venom. Edward wasn't able to suck all the venom out and her body ended up used to the small amount of venom left over and she's bitten again and can't change.

GENINUELY one of my favorite AU scenarios.

And I personally think it makes more sense than the biology behind Renesmee's existence, but your mileage may vary.

In my head it works sort of like a vaccine; she's been exposed and now has the antibodies to fight off the effects of venom. She doesn't feel pain when bitten (other than the pain of teeth breaking her skin) and she can't be turned.

It totally upends all her plans and puts a REAL obstacle in place for her and Edward to be together. Before it was just Edward not wanting to turn her which, sure, is a problem but a fairly easy one to get around: she knows a bunch of other vampires, one willing to try to turn her (Alice) and another with a proven track record of successful turnings (Carlisle). It's not impossible.

Her being immune does make it impossible though. I could be here for the tragic impossibility, how there's no way for them to be together forever now.

But I ALSO think that in such a scenario it might be possible to make a cure for vampirism from Bella's blood. I think if you want happy fairy tale ending for your vampire story, the way to do it is 'unhappy vampires become human' not 'unhappy human becomes vampire; other vampires still have same problems that made them unhappy.' Good for Bella she was following her bliss as a vampire in BD, but I never got how Bella being happy made things any better for Rosalie, or Esme, or Carlisle, or Jasper. Emmett and Alice were reasonably happy as vampires already, or Alice at least didn't know anything different. Rosalie and Esme wanted to be mothers, not aunt/grandma. And Renesmee literally grows up so fast they're missing out at most of those baby/toddler/childhood experiences anyway. Plus Breaking Dawn doesn't really address the issue of whether Bella lost her soul or not, or if Renesmee even has one at all. Edward's happy in BD but will it last or will his worry start creeping back in with time? He's got plenty of it.

But if Bella's blood could be used to make a cure and the option to become human is a thing . . . that gets SUPER interesting to me. Who would take it? Is it reversible? Like, could Rosalie and Emmett become human, have a couple of kids, age until their 30s or 40s and then ask Alice and Jasper (who presumably stay vampires) to turn them back? Or is it one way choice and they become immune to venom like Bella is? Part of me thinks Carlisle deep down wants to be human more than Edward and Rosalie even do (he has crafted his whole vampire lifestyle around being as a human as possible--a job, a wife, kids, a house . . . all very weird for a Twilight vampire) but would the knowledge that he could help more humans as an immortal doctor than a mortal one hold him back? Would he and Esme stay vampires to watch over Edward and Rosalie/Emmett if they all became human? Would the Volturi see this power to turn vampires human as a threat, a weapon?

And just the irony of the one person who wanted to be a vampire being the one who can't become one and whose blood has the power to turn the vampires she loves and envies human. Delicious.

[13as07]

My Son

(Sasuke Uchiha)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Pizaya]

Requested by: Myself

Word Count: 4,256

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Implied Sex

Teen Pregnancy

Childbirth

Sorry, it jumps around a lot at the start

Angst :)

———————————————————————

"Thank you," Sasuke mutters, his blood-red sharingans glowing in the darkness of the room, slowly rolling across my face. His nose is rested against me, moving just as slow as his eyes, back and forth against mine. It's the only part of himself he lets touch me despite the recent events that took place between us.

We're both laid under my bedsheets, the black cloth being the only thing covering the two of us. Sasuke is still dripping out of me, promising to stain my sheets, but I don't care. I don't want to get up and break the small moment I have with him. It's been years since we've had a second alone, much less a whole night. How long has it been? Three or four years? I don't have the energy to figure it out.

It's strange, how being apart so long hasn't broken our infatuation with each other. It's also strange how quick we were to connect in such a way. How quickly he brushed his lips against mine, how quickly his hands were under my nightshirt, how quickly he was to kneel on the floor to please me.

"I should be thanking you," I murmur, my eyes dancing over his pale skin, missing the soft pink they held a few moments ago.

"You do not have to thank me," Sasuke whispers, tipping his head so his lips can brush against mine. "Happy seventeenth, Beloved," he mutters before fully resting his lips against mine. They're still tainted with the taste of me, a tad sour but he doesn't seem to mind.

If anything, he seems to enjoy it, proven further when he pulls away from me. His tongue slips out, sliding across his bottom lip as his eyes fall off my face, dropping toward my breasts again. Sasuke's eyes seem to glow more as his advanced sight stumbles across every inch of exposed skin.

"Let me gift you again," he coos, his hands sliding under the bed sheets, quickly gripping my thigh. "If you wish for that, Beloved."

"Please?"

A grin quickly spreads across his face, cockiness instantly waving off of him. "Whatever the birthday girl wishes," he mutters, dipping below the sheets, and floating his way between my knees.

"Stay?" I slowly ask, my hands stumbling around to find his hair, wrapping around the raven-colored locks.

Sasuke's head pops up, the blanket spilling off of me and ending on his back. The gentleness of his face is gone, replaced with the usual stone expression he wears. "No."

I tilt my head back, staring at the ceiling as my eyes blink rapidly, trying to push back the tears. "Why?" I peep out, trying to keep my voice steady.

Sasuke crawls up my body, his lips slowly kissing up my stomach the whole way. "You know why," he whispers against my neck, finishing the short path to my lips. His nose settles on mine again, his eyes baring into me. "Don't cry, Beloved," he coos, kissing away the tears that spill down my cheeks. "Let's enjoy our night. Stop crying over me, just enjoy what I'm able to offer you."

"Alright," I breathe out, my voice shaking with the single word. "I love you."

"I know."

————————————

"I can't. I can't. I can't do this! I can't do this!" I scream, my body ravaged in pain. It feels like I'm being torn in two, every inch of my body screams at me to make it stop.

"You're doing great. Just breath. In and out," Naruto coos, his hands wrapped around one of mine. He exaggerates his breathing, trying to model the breathing the doctors and nurses and every other soul in the room keep trying to make me do.

"Take your breathing and shove it up your ass!" I screech, digging my nails into his hand. Another loud groan of pain follows the insult, my eyes burning and blurred with tears. Why do people have kids? It's not worth it. This baby better be the next goddamn Hokage if I'm going through all this pain for it. "Make it stop. Please. Naruto, make it stop."

"I can't. I'm sorry. You're doing great," he continues to coddle, peppering kisses across my knuckles.

"Come on, Mama, we need another push. You can do this."

"I can't," I cry, my mind foggy, not being able to focus on anything except the tearing happening between my legs. "Where's Kakashi? I need Kakashi. Where is he?" I sob, being able to focus on something else for a split second. The sting of my Sensei not being here after promising almost hurts more... just kidding.

My abdomen cramps again, tearing a pain-filled scream from my lungs. Fuck Sasuke. Fuck him abandoning the village. Abandoning me, not being here when he should be. Fuck him for not pulling out. Fuck Kakashi for not being here. Fuck Sakura for being away on a mission. Fuck Naruto and his dumbass optimism.

"Just breathe. We're almost there. We got this."

"We?! We?!" I yell at him, snapping my head to glare at him. "Are we pushing a baby out of our vagina? Are we getting ripped to shreds? Were we stuck eating ice chips for the past two hours? There's no we in this situation. Fuck. Off," I lecture, tugging my hand out of his hold before I try - and fall - to shove him away from me. "Go away. I don't want you here. I want Sensei. Where is Kakashi? Go fucking find him."

"Right. Kakashi. I'll go find Kakashi!" Naruto babbles, slamming a kiss to my sweaty forehead before he races out of the room, listening to me for once today.

"We need you to push, Mama. Come on, push," the doctor orders again, instantly filling my chest with a mix of fear and dread. I do, reluctantly, listen, trying to push this fucking bowling ball out of me. My voice is raspy and strained, another long and high-pitched screech tearing from my throat. "You're doing great. Breath Mama. Deep breath and another push. You got this. You're amazing."

"I can't. I really can't," I sob, rapidly shaking my head, no.

"Yes, you can. You're strong," my Sensei's soothing voice butts in from beside my hospital bed, cutting in before the doctor can respond.

"Fuck you. You're a terrible person. I hate you," I wail, snapping my head toward his voice.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry," he soothes, his hands cupping my cheeks. Kakashi's fingers feel cool against my face, eating away at some of the heat burning my skin. His fingertips are quickly getting wet, some strands of my sweat-soaked hair are wrapped around his digits. "I thought I'd be back before you went into labor," he explains, his thumbs rubbing against my cheeks.

"I hate you. I hate Sasuke. I hate everything. Fuck you. Fuck him. He's a terrible person. I hope he burns in hell. I hope you burn in hell. Why weren't you here? I asked you to be here."

"I know, Honey. I know," Kakashi keeps repeating, his head tipping down to smother my face in mask-covered kisses. "You need to keep pushing, though. You need to push."

"I can't," I yelp, my hands jumping up to cling to his wrists, digging my nails into his skin, not caring if I rip at his flesh. "Please, Sensei, make it stop."

"Sweetheart, I can't. The only way it's going to stop is if you keep pushing. You need to push. You got this."

Hissy breathes, steaming tears and more pain-filled sounds spill out, mixing with the chatter of the doctor, nurses, and my Sensei cooing at me. It feels like forever has passed, but Kakashi keeps insisting it's only been an hour. After a few more pushes, something loosens in me, forcing a shaky and airy breath out of my lungs.

A screech fills the room, a new kind of fear weighing on my chest when the sound hits my ears. "My baby," I yelp, jerking forward to lunge at the doctor. Instantly, strong ripples of pain shoot through me, feeling worse than the labor itself.

"Honey," Sensei snaps, trying to keep his voice light as he gently pushes me back down. "You need to lay down. You're in no condition to be jerking around like that."

"My baby," I wail, shoving to get Kakashi off of me so I can try and grab my newborn again. "He's crying. I need to fix it. Give me my baby. Make them give me my baby."

"Please, Sweetheart, you have to let the doctors do their job."

"I want my baby!" I shriek, my eyes falling on a very pale-looking Naruto. His eyes are wide, looking at the scissors a nurse is holding out to him.

"I know. I know, but you have to wait. They have to make sure he's okay, that you're okay."

I fall silent, tears still rolling down my face because of the pain I'm in and the sounds of my baby - of my son - screaming. "He?" I ask, my mind too foggy to process what my friend is saying as he cuts the umbilical cord.

"Yes, he," Kakashi repeats, his hand wrapping around mine, clinging to it as his free fingers slide through my hair. "You did great, Honey. Your son is beautiful. You are absolutely beautiful."

"I want my baby," I repeat, the sound of him wailing being the only thing I can focus on. My chest feels hollow, filled with dread and fear. Why haven't they given me my baby? I want to see him, hold him. I need him. I need Kakashi to make them give him to me.

"I know. You can have him soon, I promise," Sensei coos, helping me lay back down as he nods along to whatever the doctors are saying. His head settles pressed against mine again, more masked kisses stamped to my face as he plays with my hair. "You need to take care of yourself right now. We need to make sure you're okay. The nurses will make sure your baby is alright, okay?"

"I want my baby."

My son falls quiet, only making me more fearful. Why is he so quiet? How am I supposed to know where he is? I can't see him and now I can't even hear him.

Kakashi keeps cooing at me, petting my hair and smothering me in affection as he tries to keep me calm. The doctor is talking to me too, explaining what she's doing to me, but I can't process anything except the continued screams of my son. Every second that passes feels like an eternity, the abyss of dread deepening the longer he's apart from me.

"Alright, Mama, are you ready to hold your son?" A nurse asks, breaking the frozen time it felt like I was in.

"I want my baby."

"He's all yours," the nurse murmurs, carefully resting my baby on my chest.

The weight of my son on my body instantly drains the sea of negativity in my chest, quickly filling it with love instead. "My baby," I whisper, carefully resting my hand on his back. He feels so warm yet so small against me. "It's my baby."

"It's your baby, and you are my baby," Sensei coos, his fingertips feathering over the hand I have rested against my son's back, more kisses being stamped into my mess of hair. "My strong, powerful, beautiful baby."

Slowly, I turn my head to the side, finally getting to see what my child looks like. He's fast asleep, his back repeatedly rising with his breaths. With every breath I watch him take, it feels like it's easier for me to breathe too. His cheeks are pink. Well, all of him is tinted a bit pink, but his cheeks more so than the rest of him. There's a tuff of black hair on his head, more hair than I'd expect for a newborn. The same beautiful hair his father has.

"He's beautiful," I whisper, fresh tears pricking my eyes.

"Just like his mommy," Naruto mutters, slowly approaching the side of the bed and taking the spot next to our Sensei. "Did you pick a name yet?"

"Mikoto," I whisper, resting my head against the pillows and finally letting my eyes fall closed. "Mikoto Uchiha. After Sasuke's..." I fall silent, wanting to hold on to one of the only parts of my son's father I still have. That secret will stay with me, sealed behind my lips until my son is old enough to know his history, his father's history, and his clan's history.

"It's a beautiful name, Honey," Kakashi murmurs, coasting his hand through my hair again. "You did a good job."

————————————

"Mikoto!" I lash my son's name out, sending him a pointed look. Instantly, my son's dark eyes are on me, a weary smile on his face as his hands fall away from his shirt. His newest obsession is randomly taking his shirt off and running around topless. Usually, that's fine, but I don't think Naruto and Hinata would enjoy their nephew lacking a shirt at their wedding, especially since he's the ring bear.

"Sorry Mommy," he mutters, his smile strengthening before he dashes away, back to bother Naruto and his groomsmen. Mikoto has been running between the bridal shower dressing room and the groom's dressing room. At least he's entertained, I guess.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, rubbing my temples as I apologize to Hinata.

     "It's alright. I know Oto and you come as a packaged deal with Naruto," the bride-to-be whispers, smiling at me in the mirror she's staring into. "Not that I mind, Mikoto is adorable," she adds, tilting her head to avoid her hairstylist cutting off her view of me. "I'm excited he's going to be in the wedding."

     "Well, that makes one of us," I chuckle, dropping my hands away from my head. "I'm terrified he's going to strip down the aisle." That causes the rest of the girls to softly laugh too, the joyful noise filling the room.

At least until there's a crashing noise outside of the room. "Grapa Kash!" My son yelps, instantly shoving me into overdrive.

"Oto?!" I yell, slamming the door open before racing my way through it. "Oto!" I repeat, heading toward the direction the crash came from. When I turn the corner of the hallway, the sound of glass under my shoes fills my ears, sending fear-filled shivers down my spine.

I coddle my son a lot, probably more than necessary, but I feel justified in my choice to do so. His whole family - both by blood and water - is made up of powerful shinobis. Powerful shinobis with many powerful enemies. Pair that with the fact I have no clue where his father is, what he's been doing, or who he's pissed off, and it leaves me with a lot of anxiety, a lot of things to worry about, especially since he's the spitting image of his father.

"Mikoto?" I snap out, scanning the hallway for him. My eyes fall on Kakashi, kneeling on the ground as his hands shift up and down.

"Mommy!" He chirps, his head popping over my Sensei's shoulder, his floppy black hair bouncing as he moves his head.

My chest loosens at the sight of Mikoto's smiling face, starting to put my nerves at ease. I swear my son's eyes melt all my worries away in seconds. "You scared me, baby," I sigh, quickly making my way over to the two.

"That's because mommy doesn't know how to loosen the apron strings," Sensei mocks, still patting my son down, checking for any possible injuries.

"Maybe if Grandpa and Uncle Naruto and Aunt Sakura weren't such legendarily hated shinobis it would be easier to loosen them," I hiss, squatting down next to them. "Come here, baby." Mikoto leaps forward, his arms wrapping around my neck as he shoves his cheek against mine. My eyes flutter closed, letting the weight of my son hugging me eat away at the rest of my worries. "What happened?"

Mikoto loosens our hug, his small hands gripping my hair, trying to play with it the way he's seen Kakashi do a million times. "I was seeing Naru and Shi and Cho-Cho."

I hum along to his story, sliding my hands up his sides just to double-check for injuries. Just in case. Maybe Kakashi missed something.

"Then weird guy and then he drop cups and then Grapa and then you."

"Weird guy?" I mutter, tightening my arms around my son, and tugging him against me. "What weird guy?" I ask, barely picking up on the rest of Mikoto's story. "Oto, what weird guy?" I push, my anxiety quickly picking up again. My head is on a swivel, looking around the hallway as I climb to my feet, keeping my son as close to me as possible.

"That one," he mutters, pointing down the hallway. The door to the groom's men's changing room is open, white light and hushed voices spilling out from it. Mikoto is luckily not picking up on my worries, unbothered as he fists my hair again. "I want Naru."

"No," I yelp, trying not to squeeze him any tighter. My head is running a million a minute, my lungs... not so much. It feels like they're not working at all.

"Calm down," Kakashi softly shushes, his hands falling to my shoulders, softly massaging them. "It wasn't anyone bad. Just an old friend. One that Mikoto doesn't know. He's fine, he's safe. Calm yourself." A deep sigh leaves my parted lips, my body relaxing at the explanation. It was probably just Gaara. That's no biggie.

My arms loosen on my son, my eyes closing for a moment before I flutter them open again. "Kisses," I mutter, puckering my lips. Oto's attention shifts from my hair to my face, his lips puckering. I litter him in kisses as he tries doing the same, my lipstick smearing on his cheeks. "What are you?"

"Two!"

"Yes, you're two," I giggle, my breath still edged. "But what are you?"

"Strong."

"And?"

"Hun-some."

"And?"

"Mommy's!" He cheers, arms around my beck again as he clings to me.

"Yes, you are. You are mommy's everything. Mommy's heart. Mommy's soul. Mommy's baby."

"And the root of mommy's anxiety," Kakashi pokes at me, his arms slipping between the two of us to take my son from my arms. "Let's go get you cleaned up, Oto."

"You shouldn't say stuff like that in front of him," I lecture my Sensei, glaring at him as I hold my son's hand. It's weird how it can seem so small yet so big at the same time. It's a lot bigger than it was when I first held it, but it still feels so small in my hand.

Kakashi rolls his eyes, taking Mikoto's hand from me. "You should go say hello," he tells - more like orders me, shifting my son in his hold. "And the two of us are going to go wash that lipstick off of you, aren't we?" He coos at his grandson, walking away, leaving me alone in the hallway.

My eyes trail after them, locked on my son until Sensei turns the corner, cutting off my sight of Oto. My nerves are still on edge, anxious about having my son parted from me, but Kakashi does have a bit of a point. I'm too attached and need to start getting my worries under control, especially with him starting preschool next year.

My eyes fall closed again, inhaling a few deep breaths before slowly releasing them. Mikoto is fine, he's with Kakashi. The whole place is littered with the top shinobis of our village. Nothing is going to happen to him. It's fine, he's fine, I'm fine. It was just Gaara who got startled seeing a child. That's not surprising, he's always jumpy with kids.

Once my worries are mostly packed away, I shake my shoulders, trying to wiggle the rest of my nerves off as I head down the hallway. Sending Oto to preschool next year is going to kill me.

"Are you kidding me? You... you can't just... you have to be kidding me, Naruto," a voice picks up the closer to the room I get.

I stall next to the door, leaning against the wall so I can continue eavesdropping without being seen. "I don't know what you expected from me. I did - and still do - what I think you would want," Naruto responds, his voice strained as he fights with whoever. I'm starting to think it's not Gaara.

"I would have wanted a letter. From someone. From her, from you, Sakura, Kakashi, anybody in this damn village."

"It wasn't our place, for starters, and you just recently... I don't even know. Stopped trying to destroy the village? I don't exactly think that's what she would want for him."

"Does she even know? Anything?"

"Of course not," Naruto snorts, anger slowly trickling into his voice. "She's been stressed enough. Stressed with you leaving her again and again, stressed with Oto, stressed with the war, with life. The last thing she needed was to worry about what you were doing. What crimes you were committing. She was a wreck when I told her about our fight. She is riddled with so much anxiety that it makes me anxious."

"Who names their kid Oto?" The other man complains, a displeased chuckle huffing out after the question.

"It's short for Mikoto. After your mom, jackass," Shikamaru grumbles, spilling out the secret meaning behind my son's name. Shika has filled in a lot in my son's life, being there when Kakashi and Naruto can't be. One night, I got a little too anxious and balled in his arms, crying about how I regretted naming my son after his grandmother.

As soon as the memory fades away, the realization of what he said - more specifically, who he said it to - sets in. The weird guy wasn't, isn't Gaara. The weird guy is Mikoto's father, the village's biggest threat, Naruto's greatest rival, and the biggest heartbreak of my life.

My body moves forward before I can think about it, jaggedly making my way to standing in the frame of the room's door. My hands cling to the wood of the frame, my breath caught in my throat as I look into the room.

"Hey, you shouldn't - "

"Please shut up," I mutter, cutting off Naruto who freezes his steps toward me. "You... you don't get to... you," I mutter, ridgly shaking my head as my voice struggles to work its way out. My mind is both blank and so packed, making it difficult to form any thought even if my voice could work.

"You named him after my mom?" Sasuke asks, his face twisted with so many unreadable emotions, his eyes jerking around my face. One of his eyes is the natural black color I'm used to, the natural dark color our son inherited from him. The other is made of purple swirls; a lot different than the last time I stared into his eyes.

"Ya," I exhale, my chest pumping one overdrive as my eyes prick with tears, a mix of happiness, sadness, longing, and the pain from struggling to breathe. "He's two."

"I... figured," he whispers, his eyes falling down my form, making me self-conscious and spiking my anxiety even more. I don't look anything like I did when we were seventeen. I've gained weight, courtesy of the pregnancy and retiring from the shinobi life. "You... you were pregnant. You gave birth. You... you have a son. You have my son. You carried my son, you birthed my son, you are raising my son. You - "

"My son," I cut him off, my voice coming out shaky despite my attempt to sound strong. I don't sound strong, I don't feel strong. I feel like a deer staring into the eyes of a wolf. "I... I have done all of it. I... I gave birth to him without you. I carried out the... the whole pregnancy without you. He... he is two. Two years without you. His whole life without you. I did that. I did that. Because you... you ranked your anger and... and vengeance higher than me, then us. He's my son."

Sasuke's eyes stay frozen on my face, his expression still mixing as he looks at me. "Okay," he finally answers, breathing out the word as his eyes droop over me again. "Does... does he..."

"Ya, he does," I answer the unspoken question, already knowing the only thing Mikoto's father could possibly care about at the moment. "I made sure he had your name. I made sure I wouldn't raise my son to be ashamed of his heritage, which is more than you could ever do."

"Beloved - "

I turn away, trying to keep it together as I walk away from the room. I get more light-headed with every step I take, my lungs feeling like they're trying to suck oxygen in through a blocked straw. "You're okay," Shikamaru mutters, popping out of nowhere, his hand clinging to my elbow to help keep me steady. "Oto is okay too. Kakashi won't let Sasuke anywhere near him without your approval. Your son is safe."

I am safe. My son is safe. Safe from the world, safe from his father, safe from Sasuke's mistakes. My son is safe.

[semisgroupie]

I SEE A REFLECTION OF MY SINS IN YOU

priest!getou suguru x fem. reader

wc: 2.6k

warnings: HEAVILY sacrilegious, blasphemy, use of a Bible verse during sex, unprotected sex, creampie, piercings (pierced getou makes the brain go brr), light choking, oral sex (m!receiving), spit, mention of having sex in a church

synopsis: who said priests can’t have a little fun? just make sure they repent on sunday

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe priests were one of the biggest hypocrites of them all.

They’re the people that everyone sees as the closest beings to god, the people that could save you from the fiery depths of hell, the people that could save your soul from eternal damnation and the people that are trusted among all. But maybe, just maybe, that’s not the truth. Maybe we should rip them down from that pedestal they’re atop of, maybe we should expose them for their sins and make them worry about the consequences of their actions.

Or maybe, we should let them continue to sin. At the end of the day, they are still going to church on Sunday, they are still repenting for their sins. Continue to let them be sinners especially when you benefit from it the most.

You have never been the sweet church girl your parents tried to raise you to be. Being innocent and complacent never appealed to you but when you were under your parents roof, you followed whatever rule book they laid out for you. There were moments where you disobeyed but only with minor things, sneaking out once they were asleep, coming back home past curfew reeking of alcohol and weed, making out with your boyfriend at the time in the church’s parking lot during Bible study.

Then once you moved out to college you were free to do whatever you wanted, and you did whatever your heart desired. Even to this day you still do as your heart desires. Which has led you to your current relationship, fuck buddy situationship, with the priest at your local church.

Suguru had joined the church almost a year ago due to the former priest falling ill. He immediately caught your attention and you immediately caught his. During his sermons, his eyes would scan the crowd until he could see you. Whenever you would visit him after mass for extra guidance, he was never able to hide the way his hungry eyes roamed your body, drinking in all of your curves like they were the last thing he would see.

After a month of being at the church, he couldn’t take it anymore. His fist was no longer satisfactory, he needed to feel your flesh against his, he needed his cock to delve into the warmth of your mouth and cunt, he needed you to be his salvation. So one Sunday morning, as he was picking up and organizing the Bible’s for morning mass he saw you standing at the entrance. A warm smile hiding devious intent graced his face as it did yours. You begged him for a quick confession, you needed to absolve yourself of the sins that plagued your mind and soul. He obliged, of course, what kind of priest would he be if he didn’t? He listened to your confession with open ears and by the time you were done, his cock ached and throbbed underneath his cassock. He couldn’t let you go away without doing something so he did something completely unorthodox and confessed to you, confessed how you’ve plagued his mind every night while he pumped his cock, how he so desperately wanted to bend you over one of the pews and fuck you senseless until you cried out his name like a prayer.

You took his words as some twisted sign from God. Then after mass you stood behind to fulfill both of your desires. He pulled you into the confessional booth and made you ride him while you recited some of the Bible verses he brought up during mass. The whole experience made you both crave more so you established a plan and schedule for regular hookups.

Today was the day that you two were supposed to meet up. You sat on the queen sized bed of the motel you two frequently went to and awaited his arrival. That’s how it would always go since today he had to conduct Bible study. Some time passed and you finally saw the door knob turn, he opened it and looked at you with a soft smile. “You look as beautiful as always, dear.” Your eyes scanned his body, he was wearing black slacks with a black button up and right at his neck was his clerical collar, you rolled your eyes at the sight of it as he closed the door and moved closer to you.

“If you keep wearing that to our little meetings then word will spread, Father. Imagine how bad it’ll be, the young priest that everyone has grown to love is the biggest sinner of them all.” You both knew nothing would happen. The motel was a few miles away from town and was just used as a rest stop for anyone on a road trip or truckers that needed somewhere to sleep for the night. Even the woman at the front desk didn’t care, as long as money would enter her pocket, she could care less about what happened behind the closed doors of her motel rooms. He chuckled at your words as he moved closer to you and took your chin between his thumb and index finger, “then I’ll just tell them you’re a temptress. You and I both know they’ll believe anything I say, my word is as good as God’s.” You fight the urge to roll your eyes again so instead you drop your head a little to take his thumb into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it before releasing it with a soft pop.

He groaned and felt his cock throb in his pants and leaned down to press his lips against yours in a lust-filled kiss. You lifted your hands to grab at his shirt as his tongue slipped into your mouth, the cool metal that decorated his tongue grazed against yours and made you moan against his lips. When you first found out about his many piercings, you were surprised to say the least. He was able to cover the ear piercings with his hair and somehow hid his tongue piercing from everyone and the piercings that surprised you the most were the four barbells that were tucked away in his pants.

His hands moved underneath your top and pulled it off of you rather roughly. You decided not to wear a bra and he immediately dove down to take your sensitive nipples into his mouth, he groaned as the taste of your skin hit his tongue and looked up at you as you began to thread your fingers through his dark locks. He released the bud from his mouth and dragged his tongue to the other before latching onto it to give it the same treatment. His cock throbbed and ached for release and soon he would grant himself the serenity, he just wanted to hear more beautiful sounds fall from your lips. You moaned his name and after a few moments he released your nipple and stood up.

“You have such a beautiful mouth, makes the most beautiful sounds. Now I want you to put it to work, okay?” He undressed himself, first his shirt, then his pants and briefs until you could finally see his rock hard cock.

It sprung out of its confines and slapped against his toned stomach and the silver piercings caught your eye. You licked your lips at the sight before sticking your tongue out to run it along the underside of his cock, feeling the metal that decorated it. Once you reached the head of his cock you wrapped your lips around it, suckling on it for a few moments before opening your mouth to take more of his cock in your mouth. He groaned and rolled his head back, “God granted me the gift of your sinful mouth and body. Oh how lucky am I.” He placed one hand on top of your head to guide your movements, moving you along his cock and trying to restrain himself from forcing you to take him entirely down your throat. Patience was a virtue he held dear, until he met you. He let you continue to take your time for a few more moments before shoving his cock down your throat, using both of his hands to keep you in place.

“That’s much better, a mouth like yours needs to be purged forcefully. Taking my time won’t do you any justice.” You felt his piercings along your tongue as he started thrusting into your mouth. The tip of his cock nestled in the back of your throat and his balls slapped against your chin with each thrust. You felt the burning ache between your thighs and you had to satiate yourself before you grow mad. So, you snaked one hand down and started to rub your clit, your moans vibrated along his cock and it made him twitch in your mouth. He bit his lip as he pulled out of your mouth completely, only a few strings of saliva connect you to the tip of his cock. He shuddered as the cold air hit his cock, since it was no longer basked in the warmth of your mouth and it craved more, he craved more.

“So, what are your plans now? Want to watch me pant and pleasure myself like a heathen? Or do you finally want to fuck me?” You bit your lip as your hand continued to rub quick circles along the swollen bundle of nerves, a low moan left your lips and his cock twitched again. He leaned down and hooked his hand under your arm, tugging you up from your position and pushing you on the bed so you’re bent over it. His hands moved along your plush thighs and moved up to push your flimsy skirt up, giving him a better view of your soaked panties. “You drive me crazy when you wear these little skirts to mass, always distracting me whenever you cross your legs. I remember the first time you surprised me by not wearing panties underneath, I almost choked on my spit when I saw this needy cunt, glistening under the lord’s light.” He hooked his lithe fingers underneath the waistband of your panties and pulled them down, tossing them to the side since they were no longer needed.

Your need grew with each passing second and you could feel yourself clench around nothing. You let out a low wanton whine, you were waiting for this all week and now that he was finally behind you, you couldn’t wait any longer. “Suguru, please — fuck!” Your whines were quickly replaced with a loud moan, he pushed himself into you so suddenly, your legs shook and your hands flew to the sheets, gripping them tightly in your fists. “No need to whine or complain, I was giving you what you wanted. I need this just as bad as you do, my sweet temptress.” He gripped your hips tight enough to bruise the skin and started to thrust, each drag of his cock along your walls was beyond blissful. His piercings rubbing along your walls made your toes curl. He first started off with slow thrusts despite his abrupt entrance inside you then began to thrust faster and harder.

Low grunts and groans left his lips while whines, mewls and cries left yours. It felt like angels were singing in his ears each time you cried out his name. He moved one hand up from your hips and brought it to your neck. He wrapped his hand around it and brought you up, making his cock hit even deeper. His mouth was pressed right against the shell of your ear, his breath fanning your skin before he started to speak. “You know, this reminds me of one of the verses we went over today in Bible study. Mind if I recite it to you?” You nodded dumbly at his words and he knew you couldn’t comprehend whatever he told you. “It's from the epistle of James, ‘But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.’ We have been tempted by each other and now engage in a constant ritual of sin, if God were to strike us dead right now, I’d die the most blissful death known to man. I think it's pretty ironic, I am a man who has devoted himself to God and I have planned to live a life free of sin, yet here I am, committing some of the worst sins known to man. I should be leading you away from temptation yet here I am, pushing you headfirst into the fiery depths.”

He snaps his hips into yours harder, almost animalistically and drags his tongue along the side of your neck. You bring one of your hands up and wrap it around his wrist, holding onto him as best as you can as he continues to fuck you senseless. Choked out gasps and moans leave you and you grip his wrist tighter and you edge closer and closer to an orgasm. “Gonna cum!” You gasped out and he moved his hand from the front of your throat to the back of your neck to push you down against the bed. Your cheek pressed against the soft fabric as he drills into you mercilessly. “Oh god! Oh fuck!” You babble out and tremble underneath him more, making him chuckle. “You should never use the Lord’s name in vain, especially during a time like this. But, I’ll just make sure you repent later during your confession. I think 10 hail mary’s while I’m edging you will do just fine, I’ll make sure you don’t cum until you say your last one. But for now, cum. Make a mess all over my cock and I’ll give you my own blessing and coat your insides in cum.”

He snaked his other hand down to rub your clit, finally sending you over the edge into your own paradise. A cry of his name paired with thank you’s left your lips as he fucked you through your orgasm. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes and threatened to spill and with a few more heavy thrusts from him, they finally ran. He continued to snap his hips into yours, greedily chasing his own release until he finally came inside of you. His cock twitched as heavy spurts of cum flooded your cunt. If you weren’t on birth control then you were sure that you would’ve been bearing his child. He released his grip on the back of your neck and leaned down to pepper kisses along your spine and shoulder blades as he came down from his high.

Heavy breaths left the both of you and he slowly pulled out to drop on the bed beside you. He opened his arms to let you cuddle close to him and he wrapped his arms around you. You both basked in the comfortable silence before he finally spoke, “I know it’ll sound cheesy but I am thankful that God put us in each other’s paths. You’ve made priesthood much more enjoyable.” You smile at his words and press a few kisses along his chest before lifting yourself up to press your lips against his. “It is cheesy but I am thankful as well. It’s not everyday where you get the chance to fuck the hot priest.” You laughed as he shook his head and pinched your side. You swatted his hand away and rested your chin on his chest, taking a strand of his hair between your fingers to twirl it. He watched you with a smile on his face while his fingers danced along your skin.

You were both convinced that in some twisted way, you were meant to be together like this, you were both meant to indulge in sin and then use prayers to cleanse your souls. It was in your nature to sin and why go against nature and God’s wishes?

taglist: @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @hellsingalucard18 @suyacho @cherrykamado @satmitsuplanet @benkeibear @watyousayin

[fanby-fckry]

You know what, I’m just gonna say it. I think that Alastor being aroace is part of the reason he’s so shippable to me.

Before you come at me, check the flag in my pfp; I’m aroace-spec.

Maybe it’s me projecting, maybe it’s because I love exploring relationships through an aroace lens, but goddamn. I ship him more than any other character and every time I do, his aroaceness is a major component in the ship.

Examples below the cut because it’s gonna get long:

📻🍎 || RadioApple:

There are so many versions of this dynamic and I am here for all of them.

We have the pre-canon kinky QPR that I show in UH3. I could talk about that all day, but to summarize:

Aroace x genuinely respectful allo is a dynamic that heals my soul.

Lucifer is less tied down by human constructs like amatonormativity, having never been human himself.

The Devil values consent.

Kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky ca- *I am removed from the stage with a comically large hook*

Then we have the Evil and fucked up QPR dynamic:

And of course, trying to get along for Charlie’s sake and eventually bonding over their shared love of dad jokes and musical theatre, both being violinists (yup, Alastor plays violin too, check the wiki) with niche hobbies/interests (ducks, furby organ) and accidentally winding up in a loving, healthy QPR.

📻🕸️ || RadioDust:

There’s something about an aroace and a sex worker who very rarely falls in love.

Angel would know that Alastor isn’t with him for sex, would know that he values Angel beyond his body.

With greyro Alastor, Angel and Alastor would both be inexperienced with romance, but in wildly different ways. Angel has never had a healthy romantic relationship and therefor tries not to fall in love. Greyro Alastor has probably experienced romantic attraction like less than three times in his 100+ years of existence.

And if Alastor never gains romantic attraction for Angel, that’s a whole other level to the dynamic.

It’s got some great angst potential with Angel wondering if he’s not good enough to love romantically or Alastor feeling guilty or confused as to Why It Hasn’t Happened Yet when he cares for Angel so deeply, and eventually it gets resolved with the two of them accepting that their attractions don’t have to match up for them to love/appreciate/care for each other and they smash the amatonormative relationship hierarchy as queer platonic partners.

Or, Angel’s just totally cool with it from the start because he’s spent decades in the kink scene and has potentially been exposed to more relationship anarchy than Alastor.

Kink and queerness have a great deal of historical and cultural overlap, and that includes aroace queerness. Because Angel’s had way more canon exposure to both, it’s possible he knows more about Alastor’s orientation than Alastor does, and I love the idea of Angel introducing him to terms or just being super chill about not labeling things.

📻♥️ || RadioHusk:

Drawing like 90% from pilot dynamic and headcanon on this. They’re just two old men. They get drunk and cuddle. Alastor is one of the few people who knows Husk can purr and takes advantage of this fact. Alastor considers Husk a friend in a fucked up, possessive way. Husk considers Alastor a pain in the ass, but does care about him on some level.

It’s Fucked Up and Evil QPR: Remix Edition.

And the versions where the author puts them through fanfic couple’s therapy and actually gets them into a healthy point in their relationship? One where Alastor no longer owns Husk’s Soul? *chef’s kiss*

📻🌹 || RadioRose:

For me, personally, this is an exclusively nonsexual, non-romantic ship. They’re besties; they’re QPPs. They’re married for the tax benefits and so that they cannot be forced to testify against each other in court.

Rosie knew Alastor was aroace before he did and rather than sit down and explain it to him, she decided to make ace puns.

📻🖤 || RadioSiren: [edit, context here] RadioFemme

Ok, so this is entirely based on non-canon-compliant Lilith. Or, I guess, non-series-compliant Lilith. More of the old WOG stuff from the pilot era, with a healthy dose of headcanon for flavor.

I love the idea of Lilith and Lucifer having an open marriage; I love the UH3 style polycule dynamic.

Lilith being the original seductress and Alastor being aesthetically but not sexually or romantically attracted to her is very near and dear to my heart.

I’m an aroace with a voice kink who is aesthetically attracted to Lilith and I think Alastor is an aroace with a voice kink who would be aesthetically attracted to Lilith, ok?

📻📺 || RadioStatic:

I’m gonna be real with you, 90% of my interest in RadioStatic is in the one-sided version where Vox is a pathetic little incel simp and Alastor is either oblivious, mildly annoyed, or finds the whole thing hilarious.

Whenever there’s any reciprocation on Alastor’s part, I always imagine it being in a very aroace, very Alastor-esque way. He needs to be get something out of it completely unrelated to sex/romance. And he needs to be manipulative and sadistic in the process.

Whether that something is kink-related, a business transaction, or simply the quality entertainment provided by Vox being a cringefail TV-headed little bitch, I love to see it.

[letters-unsending]

No. 50

////

Hero and Villain, fake relationship

////

“How are you feeling, dear?”

“My ears keep ringing,” Hero sighed, tucking his icepack further into his neck, “and don’t call me dear. There’s not a soul who needs to hear that anymore. It’s just us.”

“Oh, it’s just us, isn’t it?” Villain smiled and leaned back their head, as if in bliss. The movement exposed a dark cleft of red. A cut ran like spilled wine down from their lips and to the gully of their clavicle, and it gleamed with a satin sheen, obscenely fresh. Hero averted his eyes.

“Yes, just us,” Hero agreed, indulging in Villain’s cryptic mood, “unless we’ve got ourselves a visitor you’re not telling me about.”

“I would tell you. I’ll always tell you,” Villain turned their head back down, leveling Hero with a stare, “this is our home after all.”

Hero stared back and wondered if his ears were ringing Villain’s words into nonsense. Beneath his gaze, Villain sprawled, languid and liquid as a cat, in their armchair.

They’d bought the chair–a chaise so high-backed it looked like it’d grown wings–the first week of their contract and displaced the original furniture that had come with the pre-furnished house. Quickly thereafter, they’d taken to redecorating the rest of their temporary rooms with utmost fervor. Decor spilled out, the chair its center point: fur rugs, velvet throws, glass-shaded lamps.

“You can keep the house,” Hero blurted, “it's not ours anymore. Contract’s over.”

“My, how generous,” Villain smiled wider, snake-like, and Hero feared they would bleed from the strain, “would you really leave this all to me?”

“Sure, you seem comfortable here,” Hero shrugged, “you put a lot of time into the place. I don’t want to get in the way.”

“You’ve decorated over the past year as well. Don’t give me all the credit, darling.” Villain waved their hand, nails flashing in the light. Following their fingers, Hero recognized his coat tossed over the back of Villain’s chair. Pens and papers, which he’d sworn to clean up, lay sprawled over the oil-dark coffee table.

“I only left a mess. That’s hardly decor.”

“It could never be a mess.” Villain reached a hand back and rested their palm over Hero’s coat. “I enjoy your additions. They make the place feel lived in.”

“Lived in,” Hero echoed, “guess it helped with our cover. Probably made this whole sham marriage look real enough.”

Villain’s face turned flat. The curl of their smile snapped like elastic, pinching into a terse line, and a bead of blood rounded their chin as they spoke.

“Why are you still wearing the ring?”

Hero let go of the icepack and it tumbled into a heap in his lap. “If it bothers you, I’ll just go on and take it off.”

“It does not.” Villain drawled, sweeping out their hand. “I am far from bothered.”

Their ring and its exquisite gem fluoresced upon their finger, a beacon casting its gleam over the mountain of their knuckles.

“It just, you know, feels wrong to take it off after so long.” Hero muttered, squeezing at his wrist. “I even have tanline from it.”

Villain smiled again, soft, but their skin still broke. Blood slipped along the underside of their jaw and Hero swallowed; he could almost feel it roll down his own throat.

“You shouldn’t have taken the bandage off.”

Hero glanced once more at his ring, before pushing himself off his chair. Pain shot like a bolt through his wrist. Staggering, he snagged a tissue from a box on the coffee table and then shuffled toward Villain, who met his approach with gleam in their eye.

“I don’t like being restricted.” Villain explained as Hero propped his hip into the chair arm and leaned over. “I couldn’t speak or move my head with that infernal contraption on.”

“Must’ve been hard for you to be so quiet.” Hero grabbed Villain’s chin and tilted their head back. “You had a long time for reflection in that hospital, didn’t you? Might be why you’re being so odd.”

“I didn’t need time to reflect,” Villain murmured, suddenly quiet, “I have considered this for a long time.”

“And what have you considered?” Hero set the tissue upon Villain’s skin, feigning focus, avoiding Villain’s gaze crawling shamelessly over his face.

“You.”

“Me?” Hero dabbed their throat, careful of the scab. He moved his steadying hand to the side of Villain’s neck.

“The both of us, [Hero].” Villain grabbed Hero’s wrist, draping their fingers and the gleaming ring over his arm, trapping Hero’s touch to his throat. Their carotid pulse drummed against his fingertips. “You see, my dear, I want to keep living in this house. I want to keep my ring. You must understand what I mean when I say this.”

“[Villain], you couldn’t possibly–”

“Will you stay?”