#i feel like ive lost my mind
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I'm still not over what happened, but I have brain worms and they most likely make absolutely no sense and don't even go together but I need to get them out, so heh... guess you guys have to suffer.
THIS PROBABLY WILL INCLUDE A LOT OF TINHATTING BOTH FOR DESTIEL AND COCKLES.
You still there? Great, let's get into my not medicated adhd brain a little.
First of all, starting Friday: The Album Drop
...do I need to say more? No? Well too bad, because I'm going to 😂 I'm a huge music freak, been singing since I was four, play guitar and the piano (I didn't say good okay, I'm actually very jealous of Jensen) and I've been obsessed with lyrics for pretty much forever. Alright, call me crazy but this album is so Dean Winchester coded it's unreal. Every song could be put together with Dean and I'm not even joking. You know what's even funnier? THAT THE DAMN SONG JENSEN AND MISHA PUT TOGETHER YESTERDAY COULD VERY WELL END UP AS A RADIO COMPANY SONG. The lyrics definitely needs some work (probably making it more vague), but... come on. The first thing my mind jumped to when I realized what Jensen was singing was Watching Over Me. MOVING ON.
Second: Jensen's answer about the Destiel reunion
This hole thing still drives me crazy. This was probably the clearest answer we've even gotten from Jensen, plus we got confirmation that he'd like to see a Destiel reunion AND ADDRESSING CAS' GOODBYE (I wanna say here that at this point I have no idea how that would play out if it would be something like "Hey buddy, I don't feel that way but I don't wanna lose you" or a full on love confession from Dean... I have no idea and that's okay, because I know Jensen knows how important that confession was to a lot of us, so I trust him not to invalidate Cas' feelings). Now, I paid a little attention to the words he said about maybe seeing it: first, he said that hopefully we'll get to see that at some point, and later he said maybe we won't. This immediately jumped out to me and you know what my brain did? Let me tell you: Jensen said that he doesn't talk about possible project before they aren't under the wraps because he doesn't wanna jinx them. Now hear me out: first, he said maybe we'll get to see it. Then he backtracked. He's talked about a reboot/6-10 episode thing for forever now. He WANTS to come back. My tinhat is firmly in place when I say that I have no doubt he's working on it already, but it isn't greenlit yet (hence the backtrack later). The description was just too specific to be made up out of thin air. (Watch me regretting those words later because I'm just too hopeful.)
Third and last: Whatever that Cockles Panel was
Listen, I could scream about them forever, we all know what went down, the only thing I wanna point out is: When Jensen said "...which is funny because so do I" he looked flustered as hell, we all know that by now. What gets me is that Misha had basically no reaction to this (he looked down, but that's it). So, did they plan something like that? I don't know, I just think it's weird as hell to have no reaction to something like this, especially when it's your "best friend" and he says that in front of hundreds of people.
(Plus, a little side note: still not over how you can SEE Jensens brain working while he's nervously rubbing his thigh.)
I don't even wanna go into the lyrics they wrote together, I've talked about it during the first point already, but something I wanna add is that I loved jensens face journey as Misha first mentioned the brothers but then immediately jumped to "The Angel". That was hilarious and by God, Jensen was planning on throwing together something romantic.
I'm very much not fine as you can tell, but it feels like the universe has shifted after the non-existent finale and now it's our turn. I always try to keep my expectations low, but the album and this whole weekend catapulted me right into the sun, so now all I can see is light and stars and it's wonderful.
#how do i even tag this#cockles#destiel#cockles tinhatting#destiel tinhatting#i guess#i feel like ive lost my mind#somebody pull me down to earth again#i cant take another hit#i need to lower my expectations but how does one do that#idek#if youve read all of this im so sorry
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IDK who needs to hear this, but Egon and Ray aren't the only autistic og ghostbusters
Peter is too
Your telling me this man with two PhDs related to psychology, who always has the exact right thing to say to manipulate a situation to his favour (when it's a planned/known situation), but cocks up massively when it's an unknown situation, who has a massive reaction to getting slimed (more so than the others), who would rather joke all the time than take a situation seriously because wtf should he say
you're telling me this man is neurotypical?
nah
Winston's the only NT in this group (idk how he deals with these weirdos (affectionate))
#rambles#ghostbusters#the real ghostbusters#to be specific i guess#peter venkman#egon spengler#ray stantz#winston zeddemore#i've encountered a few autistic people like peter#it's mainly the focus on business and the intense interest in studying people and behaviour and the mind#but he gets so irritated and angry when he gets slimed#the same way i feel when oil or glue gets stuck on my skin#“but he's so good at social situations-” but that's just it!#he is!#because he studies people - studies their reactions - their interactions#a business chat always goes the same way so he can plan what to say to get the best thing out of it#when he flirts with women it seems to be the same way each time - like he's planned it - because he thinks it'll get a reaction he wants#and i dare say that Peter masks a lot more than Ray and Egon. i mean he was a probably more of a cool slacker type at uni and got on well#with more popular students (sorority house students? idk im not american) and yknow it was the 70s! couldnt exactly be fully himself#idk where im going with this - ive lost my train of thought#but yeah#peter is autistic as well and i'll die on this hill
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Anyone got any recs for actual play dnd (or other ttrpg) podcast thats actually intended to be audio based and not "Visual but we turned the audio into a podcast"??
#ive got over an hour commute EACH WAY 5 days a week now and theres only so many educational podcasts you can listen to before realising that#youve essentially extended your workday another 2-3 hours each day. oh and i also have trainings which are another 40 minute commute IN THE#OPPOSITE DIRECTION#:'(#but yeah i digress. i need podcasts where i get to turn my mind off#ive been through taz and ive tried cr and dimention20 but its too visually based and i feel like im missing out or have to focus way toomuch#also did listen to dungeons and daddies but parents loosing their kids is a trigger for me so yeah...#so preferably tips where child endangerment / looking for lost kids / losing parents isnt a big plot point#not space
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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i pray my bf never finds out how friendless i am its so embarrassing . i havent been sad about it in a long time. but i kinda am tonight
#i have coworkers i get along really well with but i dont feel any way i can connect with them outside of work nor do i feel they want to#i have ghosted every guy friend online because they were more like guys that hit on me and sometimes we talked about games#and ive been okay since then with just my bf. but sometimes on my days off when hes busy. i feel really alone#i dont want to be isolated but i always end up this way.....i wish i had girl friends....v_v#and as per my post im obviously not going to tell my bf im struggling with my loneliness lol hell no....ill just get over it by tomorrow...#i go to work and it takes my mind off everything else#need some hobbies need to get lost in something on my off days#squeaks
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im a eurydice = solas truther btw and ill die for my beliefs
be so serious........ and lavellan as orpheus......
#I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED. TRULY.#i dont even know where to start i feel like i cant even post abt this bc theres no way all my thoughts can fit coherently lol#like the 2nd act/hadestown soul-selling business is just solas committing to his goals....#who would win eurydice/solas ''i walk the dinan'shiral - there is only death on this journey'' or orpheus/lavellan walking it anyway lol#to find them and bring them home again#also if the solas-is-a-spirit-that-mythal-bound theory turns out true then the hades = mythal parallels well. they are parelleling <3#''And the choice is yours / if you're willing to choose / Seeing as you've got nothing to lose / And I could use a canary'' HELLO????#ik the other popular interpretation is solas as orpheus but idk solas/eurydice just makes me crazy . it works so well#like theres that one interaction thats like#eurydice: “i havent seen a spring or fall since.... i cant recall”#orpheus "thats what im working on / a song to fix what's wrong / take whats broken#make it whole / a song so beautiful / it brings the world back into tune''#and thats very solas coded. BUT its also such a good parellel to high approval lavellan's fixing the world thru the inquisition/anchor#and thru their kindness and curiosity and all the things he thought were lost in arlathan. the things that make him think maybe shes Real#and it could all be real and worthwhile.#solas recognising the depth and personhood of lavellan thru their [from his pov endearingly naive] actions and spirit#''i havent seen a spring or fall since...i cant recall'' / ''you show a wisdom i have not seen since.... since my deepest journeys into the#ancient memories of the fade'' what if i lost my entire goddamn mind. what if i just completely lost it lol#ok im done im so sorry i feel like harrassing every single person ive ever met with this information like idek what to do with myself lol
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I've noticed this tendency I have in which my thoughts on specific rollercoasters are the same as my thoughts on specific foods. Like I'll look at a picture of Banshee and think "......buffalo wings....", or I'll look at El Toro and think "....cheeseburgers...." or even Millennium Force which is lemonade. Why is Millennium Force lemonade
#ive probably just lost my mind tho#does this feel like insane ramblings to yall#rollercoasters i guess lol
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Didn't post anything about quali cuz I woke up just after Logan crashed and wasn't thrilled about the results overall tbh
I mean, at this point, whatever
Logans gone and Williams are never gonna favor or praise him so I don't really care about p13-14
This tracks hard to overtake and Williams are historically shit here
Just whatever
#ive gone full pessimism on this team#just whatever#I've given up on an f1 contract for Logan#or a renewal#just ride it out and try not to get pissed at this team every weekend#hope to god he's not replaced mid-season#this team has taken all my hope and good-will#they've treated him like shit and I just can find it in myself to care about this#I'll care so much for Logan and his results#but Williams as a team has lost me#just dc about quali anymore#need a Ferrari masterclass to not lose my mind#or max at this point#I'd accept either#no matter what Logan does#it never feels like enough
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youth by daughter is 09 soap in mw3, bitter and defeated after losing ghost, talking to 22 soap who’s so hopeful and secretly in love with his lieutenant
#just mw3 soap being broken after losing his entire team as well as ghost#talking to 22 soap who still has everything and is so full of love it almost makes 09 sick with grief#its a blend of him talking to 22 soap and almost warning him#‘and if youre still breathing youre the lucky ones. cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs’#‘and if youre still bleeding youre the lucky ones. cause most of our feelings they are dead and they are gone’#‘well ive lost it all im just a silhouette’#‘and if youre in love then you are the lucky one cause most of us are bitter over someone. setting fire to our insides for fun#to distract our hearts from ever missing them. but im forever missing him’#as well as him talking to his ghost#‘shadows settle on the place that you left. our minds are troubled by the emptiness’#‘destroy the middle its a waste of time. from the perfect start to the finish line’#‘my eyes are damp from the words you left ringing in my head when you broke my chest’#theres a fic by m1ckstar i think? something like that#about soap worshipping price and him just slowly losing it after he comes back and breaks his perception of him as a god#and mourning ghost at the same time#and i never shouldve read bc fuck if it didnt hurt#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk to me ghost#soapghost#ghostsoap#09 soapghost#09 soap#09 ghost#soap cod#soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#we’re a team. ghost team
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Smoke In The Breeze, You In My Lungs.
The one where V/ash gives W/olfwood a gift, and W/olfwood gives V/ash a show. Feat. sneezy W/olfwood, and smitten V/ash. (Shipped, though not entirely ‘dating’, just more like ‘will be dating.’ Pre-dating. Also known as head over heels for each other, secretly). Also there’s totally a few not so secret moments about it~
First time attempting T/rigun S/tampede, so the characters voices are still new to me, hopefully this will be an acceptable addition to the AMAZING collection of V/ashwood fics already on here! For anyone bothering to read this, thank you~ Hope you enjoy~~
(References to smoking and swearing, incase you don’t like those)
Characters: V/ash, W/olfwood, and a surprisingly cool desert night. Word Count: 3.5k ~~~~~~~
The first time Vash remembered seeing Wolfwood smoke was almost immediately after meeting him. Since then, he seemed to always be either stuffing a cigarette between his teeth, crushing one on the ground, or somewhere in between. Despite this, cigarettes remain just as expensive as always, and Wolfwood remains the same short on cash grifter. Turns out addiction doesn’t pay for itself. That’s why when Vash saw the pack of cigarettes sitting on the counter of a bar they had passed through on their last round of plant repairs, he had asked the man they were attached to where he’d found them. Turns out, there was a peddler in this town that sold rare and exotic types. Vash had gotten his money together and managed to afford a single pack. Tonight was the first time since then that the opportunity had presented itself to offer the gift without too much explanation needed as to its meanings. “Hey, Nicho-” Vash starts, a light shove in response nearly sending him over the edge of the rock they find themselves balanced on. “Watch it Blondie, I told you, unless we’re alone, it’s Wolfwood.” Vash lets their eyes meet, before gesturing to the desert around them, barren aside from the car they’d ‘borrowed’ for this little trip. “Oh, yes, of course, I must have forgotten about the invisible forces watching us from- ouch! Okay, okay, sorry.” The laughter in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed, a sharp smile in response forming on Wolfwood’s face. His smiles always had this edge to them, as if simply a touch from his lips would be enough to slice you open. Staring at him in the moonlight, Vash nearly thought about testing the theory. “Hey, blondie?” “Hmm?” “I assumed you had an end to that sentence you started before? Unless it was just a veiled attempt at getting yourself sent careening off a real high rock for the fun of it?” “Right, sorry. Yeah, I just… here.” Vash reached into his pocket, pulling out the pack of cigarettes and sticking them in Wolfwood’s hands, not missing the baffled look that slipped across the normally fixed features. “As payment, for that bread you spotted me the other day.” “You mean… the piece of bread that we got as payment for the job…?” Vash feels his hand graze the back of his neck before he even registers that he’s moved it. “W-well… I mean I guess… just consider it a gift then!” Wolfwood looks like he’s planning to say more, but once his eyes have finished tracing Vash’s face, he’s decided against it. Settling instead for flashing him a smirk, and pulling out the first one. Sticking it between his teeth, Wolfwood leans towards him. “Light me up, blondie.” A blush spreads like wildfire against Vash’s cheeks, and he pulls out the lighter Wolfwood had tossed him a few towns back, bringing it carefully to the cigarette. The glow of the flame lights up the mischief in Wolfwood’s eyes as he inhales, then gently blows the smoke right at Vash’s face. “Hey-!” Coughing, Vash waves his hand in the air, giving Wolfwood a playful punch in return, laughing a bit at the grimace he receives. “Bit rough there, Blondie. Hm.. these taste a bit different than normal, are they the regular packs I get?” “You’re the one who blew smoke in my face! You’re lucky I’m wearing my sunglasses, or that would have gone right in my eyes! And um… I think they’re a different brand maybe?” Wolfwood hums lightly, choosing to focus his attention on the first part of what Vash said. “Why are you wearing them at night? Are even the moons too bright for you?” “Wha- no! I just got so used to the feeling of them on my face that…” Vash rubs his neck, offering a sheepish smile, “It starts to feel weird without them. Not quite like being naked, more like walking around without a shirt on. Technically acceptable, but still quite weird. Feels vulnerable almost. Though sometimes if I- hey, you alright?” Wolfwood’s eyes have been captured by a far off look, his head slightly tilting back until- “hIH’ktsSHH’yue-! hAH’ZSHH’oo-!” “Oh, bless you!” With a rough sniff, Wolfwood brings his wrist back down from where it had assumed position under his nose. He gives Vash a sharp grin, taking another drag from the cigarette in lieu of a thank you. “What were you on about then?” “Hm? Oh, it was nothing really. Honestly I don’t even remember where I was going with that.” “Alright.” And with that, they’re back to staring out at the desert sky. Not a cloud in sight, but somehow, it was darker than usual. ‘That wouldn’t normally be a bad thing, but… it makes it harder to see him’ Vash thinks, allowing his eyes to trace over to Wolfwood. The light of the cigarette glows faintly against the darkness of his clothes. His eyes though… they shine without any light at all. Somehow, despite being dark, Vash has always noticed the glow they seem to give off. “Hehh- hH’kttZSHH’yuee-!” “Ble-” “Nohhht- not done Blondieehhhh-! hEH’ZZSCHH’OO-! hahh’ASHH’yuee-!” “Triple bless you!” “Cute, needle-noggin.” Vash smiles, the laughter dancing in Wolfwood’s eyes filling him with warmth, despite the cold air. “You alright though? Something setting you off?” Wolfwood gives a deep sniff before answering, apparently trying to see if he can smell anything unusual. Unfortunately, he’s already way too stuffed up to let anything pass, including air. “Can’t tell. Doubt it though, likely just something irritating my allergies.” “In the middle of a desert…?” “You’d be surprised at the kind of flowering plants you can still find ‘round here. One time I walked into a town that had a full blooming cactus- flower- thing. Still don’t know exactly what it was, but damn it was potent. Was sneezing nearly the whole night, but it was too late to go find another place to stay.” Wolfwood seems to shudder a little at the memory, his hand coming up to rub at his nose as if even the thought of it was starting to irritate him. “Pretty sure I woke everyone in that motel, got some real dirty looks the next morning.” Vash laughs, dodging a punch thrown at his good arm. Wolfwood gives him a glare, but there’s no fire in his eyes. Only warmth. The cigarette he’s been smoking has reached its last legs, and Wolfwood crushes it, before pulling out another, leaning in once again for Vash to light it. “Might as well treat myself to a few tonight, it’s a gift after all, right Blondie?” Vash obliges, lighting it up and letting his head tilt with a nod, partially to agree, mostly to hide the flush starting to fill his cheeks at the mention of the gift. Thankfully, he’s soon distracted, as Wolfwood lets out another itchy gasp, this time barely managing to turn away from Vash before the sneezes break free. “hihh’ZZSH’yuee-! heHH- hAH’ktSHHH’ooo-! hh’RRUSHH’ueee-! Fuck- hah’ASHH’ooo-! Hehh… ihhh’hEH’ZSHH’OOO-!” “Jeez, Nico. Bless you, are you alright?” A shiver runs through Wolfwood, his cheeks slightly pink as he turns back to face Vash. “‘Scuse me. I’m alright. Just somethin’ tick-hhH’ZSHHH’OO-! Oh god, not doohhhne!” Vash wants to turn away, give him some privacy, but something about the vulnerability of the display has him captivated. Wolfwood’s eyes are fighting to stay open, fluttering against the depth of the tickle. His mouth hangs open, breath hitching wildly as his nose practically trembles. “hHH’KSHH’yuee-! Huhhh- hEH’RSHHH-ISHHH-ZSCHHH’ooo-! Wheww~ Ohgod- iHh’NGXttt’shiew-!” Desperate to stop the onslaught, he attempts to stifle the last one, Vash not missing the shivers it sends down his spine. Both of them know what a stupid choice that was, as Wolfwood can do nothing but gasp against the cold air, before ducking into his arm with another rapid, yet softer, fit. “hhH’ishh’iew-! tiSHH’iew-! hehh’ASHH’iew-! Hehh- hH’DTshhh’iew-!” “Bless you. You really shouldn’t hold them in like that, you know it just makes you sneeze more afterwards.” A blush spreads across Wolfwood’s face, Vash not missing the way the dark eyes refuse to meet his own. “Yeah, yeah. Thank you Dr. Blondie, I’ll keep that in mind.” The tone is light and teasing, but there’s a deeper mood to it that Vash can’t quite put his finger on. This isn’t new to him, Wolfwood quite often uses humour or charm to mask deeper, actual emotions. Deciding to let him keep what dignity he has left after the fits, Vash just offers a sweet smile, and a tissue from his pocket. Wolfwood greedily reaches for it before pausing, and gently handing Vash the cigarette to hold before grabbing the tissue. Offering a ‘thanks’ over his shoulder as he turns away, he roughly blows his nose, Vash wincing at the congested sounds. Turning back with his mouth still slightly hanging open, ‘likely to breathe’ Wolfwood gives Vash a tight smile, before taking the cigarette back. “Are you sure you don’t know what’s causing this? You’re not getting sick, are you? You could tell me if you were, ya know. It’s not a bad thing to admit-” “I’m not sick. Just itchy.” “And stuffed up.” There’s a pause, Wolfwood seemingly taking stock of his symptoms. Vash attempts to do the same. “Yeah. Still, it feels like allergies. If I was getting sick I’d be feeling it in my throat by now.” “Hm… normally you’d be coughing by now too.” Wolfwood shoots him a look, and Vash blushes a bit, rushing through an explanation before he can stop himself. “We just spend a lot of time together, and I noticed that usually when you get sick you get a cough pretty quickly- not first though, first comes a sore throat- usually I can tell because you don’t talk as much- not that you talk too much! You just talk more than I do sometimes, and well, when you’re sick you don’t, and that’s how I can tell it’s starting- but yeah usually the coughing starts before the sne-” “Blondie, take a breath.” Vash chuckles nervously, aiming his gaze at the ground where the crushed cigarette lays, still slightly smouldering, so he grinds it a bit further into the rock. “hH’ZSCHH’ooo-! hehh’ktCHH’iew-! haHH’DNNGT’shhh-!” “Didn’t we just go over th-” “hIH’ISHH’iew-! Tishh’iew-! hH’ZSHH’iew-! heH’ashh’iew-! HH’zshh’IEW-!” “-this. Bless you.” His tone is teasing, and Wolfwood shoots him an exasperated look, rolling his eyes dramatically, though Vash can’t quite tell if that was meant for him, or the sneezes that seemed to still be dancing through his sinuses. “Hehhh- hH’HDT- guhhh…” “Still need to sneeze?” “Whaahhhht do you hehhh…. hH’IHH-uhhhhh what do you think?” Vash blushes, the desperation in Wolfwood’s words simmering in his stomach in ways he’d rather not dwell on. Instead, he reaches over and runs a single finger down the bridge of Wolfwood’s pronounced nose, smirking at the way his eyes tear up immediately. He manages to keep enough wits about him to aim away from Vash’s hand, but doesn’t even attempt to cover as the sneezes blast out of him. “HH’ZSCHHH’OO-! hah’ASHH’ooo-! RRUSHHH’UEE-! HAHH’ZSHHH’YUEE-! Hehh… hehH’KTSHH’ooo-! hh’zzUSHH’ooo-! Jeez, ‘scuse me. Thanks for that, Blondie. They were really tormenting me there.” “Bless you. Seemed like you needed a little help, is all.” “Yeah. Damn, still itches something fierce. Really don’t know what’s got me so irritated.” Vash glances around the desert once more. Nothing catches his eye, the vast open space still empty of anything more than sand and their car. “We seem to be the only things around. Unless you’ve suddenly developed an allergy to sand. Oh god, that would be- “hEH’KISHH’ooo-!” “Exactly! Took the words right out of my mo- ouch! Okay, okay, jeez. No need to beat me up! I’m not the one causing this.” They pause for a minute, Wolfwood’s eyes watery and glossed over, but Vash’s suddenly wide and frantic. “Wait, you don’t think you’re allergic to me, do you?! I mean, I’m the only thing around, and you’re having an allergy attack, so it figures that you have to be allergic to something nearby, and since I’m the only thin-” “Blondie, you’re giving me a headache.” “Sorry…” “Don’t worry so much. I’m not allergic to you. I’d be long dead by now if I was, what with how much you cling to my side.” “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who just decided to invite yourself along on everything I do.” “Regardless of the details, my point stands. I can’t possibly be allergic to you. Besides, it only started recen- hehH- hold on-” Wolfwood pauses, voice entirely air. His breath catches, then releases once more, stuck right on the edge of sneezing and hitching. Vash feels a pang of sympathy at the desperate look in his eyes as they flutter between closed and open. Wolfwood is stuck, mouth ajar, head slightly tilted. One hand is hovering in front of his face, lightly fanning, the other holding his cigarette as it burns closer and closer to his fingers. Noticing the pain that’s sure to occur soon, Vash knocks it down, crushing it beneath his boot, not missing the growl of protest Wolfwood manages to slip out between gasps. “You’re a bit too preoccupied to be smoking that right now, and I don’t think either of us want you getting burned by it.” All he gets are hitches in return, the groaning starting to air on the side of moans as Wolfwood tries frantically to get the sneezes to come out. Finally he reaches over, grabbing Vash’s hand, sending chills down his spine. He’s too far gone to speak, but he doesn’t need words. Vash knows what to do. Gently taking his finger, and running it down the bridge of his nose like he did before, Vash nearly faints at the deep and airy moan that escapes Wolfwood’s throat, before he lunges forward with a harsh fit, lightly misting Vash’s hand as he attempts to move out of the way. “hEH’ISHH’YIUU-! ASHHH’YUUE-! ZSSHHH-DTSHH-KTSHHH’OOO-! hehh- heH’kNXGT’SHOO-! heH’ISHH’iew-! hh’zzSHH’ooo-! What the fuck- RSHHH’ooo-! hh’ktSHH’ooo-! heH’RSHHHH’yuue-! Oh thank god.” “Bless you Nicholas. Better?” He receives a desperate sniff in response, wet and heady, and Vash searches through his pockets for another tissue, handing over a pack he forgot he was carrying. “You been holdin’ out on me.” Wolfwood mutters, crushing his nose into them and letting out a harsh blow. “Forgot I had them, sorry ‘bout that, I woulda handed ‘em over sooner if I remembered.” Wolfwood comes up for air, his nose twitching in the cold night air, before pressing it back into the tissues for another blow. Finally, seeming to get enough relief to satisfy him, his watery glance meets Vash’s, an itchy sigh releasing from his chest. “All is forgiven, feels much better now. Except that you crushed my smoke before I was finished with it!” “Ah, sorry ‘bout that too, but it was for the best.” Already pulling another out, Wolfwood gives him another sharp smile, this time laced with something that makes Vash’s heart flutter before he has a chance to stop it. “At this rate I’m gonna finish the pack before morning.” As he reaches over to get it lit, Vash gently pulls it out from between his lips. Wolfwood raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say a word, and doesn’t move back either, their faces close enough to feel the other’s breath. Vash places the smoke in his mouth, lights it, and takes a drag, ‘Hm, it does taste a bit different… what is this, I wonder.’ before letting Wolfwood remove it, and place it between his own lips. Neither moves, Wolfwood breathing in too, Vash still holding his breath, though not by choice anymore. They stay like this for a beat, before Wolfwood turns to the side, blowing out, before turning back, eyes aglow. Vash finally realizes he’s still holding the smoke in his lungs, and goes to exhale, before pausing. ‘Time for a little revenge for the earlier smoke blowing’. He lets his breath go, smoke drifting right into Wolfwood’s face. The reaction is instantaneous, Wolfwood using every fiber of his being to aim for Vash’s shoulder instead of his face as the sneezes burst out of him, forcing the cigarette to drop onto the ground where Vash crushes it. “hhH’zzSHH’ooo-! hh’ASHHH’ooo-! heH’ihhDSHH’ieew-! hUH’RUSHHH’yuee-! B- Blond- hAH’KTSHHH’ooo-! hihh’ZZCHH’OOO-! hH’EDDshh’yue-! RSHHH’ooo-!” “Oh god, bless you Nico!” Vash pauses for a second, before realization sets across his face, immediately replaced by panic as he turns over the pack in his hand, reading the label. “Shit- Nicholas, oh damn it-” Through congested sniffles, Wolfwood manages to shoot him a questioning gaze, before another desperate sneezes rips through him, this time giving him enough time to aim for the ground. “hEHH’KTSHH’shiew-!” “Bless you. I’m so sorry!” “What are you sorry for, I’m the one who just… juuhhhst… hhh’ISHH’yue-! ktSHH’ooo-! Scuse me- just sneezed against your shoulder.” “Bless yo- huh? Oh, that’s nothing, don’t worry about it. It’s my fault anyways, I really should have seen it sooner, I was just… kinda distracted… I’m so sorry!” “Seen what…? What am I missing here Blondie?” Vash blushes, this time deep enough that Wolfwood can’t help but raise an eyebrow at the colour shift. “T- the… the pack of smokes I gave you… you said they tasted different, and I thought it was just the brand, but when I had one I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was- it tasted like more than just a different brand- I mean I should have smelled it in the smoke but I wasn’t paying attention- and you were too stuffed up to smell or taste it anymore- I’d heard of flavoured cigarettes before but I’ve never seen them around here so I didn’t even think to-” “Blondie, rambling again. Is there a point you’re gettin’ to?” “.....They’re cinnamon flavoured. Which means the smoke is cinnamon scented too.” Wolfwood stares for a moment, before letting out a laugh that nearly startles Vash off the rock. “That’s all? Blondie, with the way you were goin’ on, I thought they were poisoned or something!” “B- but… you’re allergic to cinnamon..? That’s why you’re sneezing so much, and… and it’s all my fault…” Vash feels his face flushing again, tears starting to form in his eyes before he can fight them off. ‘Why are you crying, you’re the one who caused this, you don’t get to cry-’. His thoughts are cut off by the feeling of soft hands against his cheeks. One hand wipes away the tears, lingering just a moment on his cheek, while the other runs up into his hair, eliciting a soft sigh that he can’t stop. “I’m not angry at you, Vash.” Vash manages to clear his head enough to recognize the hands belong to Nicholas. The voice that spoke up belongs to him too, and there’s a gentle tone in it he’s never heard before. The eyes staring back at him belong to the man as well, and the kindness seeping through them nearly starts Vash crying again. “Y… you’re not…?” A light chuckle breaks through, and Vash feels his heart drowning in longing. “It’s just some sneezing, Blondie. We both know I’ve had worse. Plus, I was still enjoying the smoke, even with the unfortunate byproduct.” Vash stares, head filling with thoughts he can’t ignore. ‘Why isn’t he angry?’ ‘He was still enjoying them?’ ‘Is he okay with this?’ and front and center, ‘His hands are still touching me, does he know that?’ One hand still cups his face, thumb running along his chin, while the other seems content to pet through his hair. Vash can’t help but gasp as Nicholas suddenly pulls back, both hands leaving his skin, prompting his own to reach out for them. “hihh’KTshhh’iew-!” ‘Oh.’ With that, Nicholas lets Vash’s hands grab his own, returning the grasp. Neither of them pulls closer, but neither pulls away. They just sit there for a minute letting the contact send burning chills through their bodies, almost as if they were being electrocuted. And yet… it was the most soothing feeling either had ever had. After a few minutes of this, Vash broke off first, barely catching the airy sigh that escaped between Nicholas’s teeth. Vash could see his nose was still twitching, a red sheen on it glowing in the moonlight. ‘When did it get so much brighter out here?’ “We should get you some allergy meds, or you’re gonna be sneezing the rest of the night. Neither of us will get any sleep if that happens.” “Right, Blondie. Lead the way.” Neither of them says a word about the contact, the electricity, or the burning urge to do it again that bangs against each of their chests. Somehow, an unspoken agreement has been made, one that both of them seem desperate to keep. ‘That didn’t happen, I didn’t love it, and it will never happen again.’ Of course, both of them also know it’s a lie, and are eagerly awaiting the next excuse to feel that softness again. Somewhere, in the middle of a surprisingly cool desert night, under a dark sky, one touch lights a spark, and two cold hearts start to thaw in the heat.
#waterfallwrites#oh god guys another one this week??? ive lost my mind i apologize#it just wouldnt leave me alone so i wrote it#and then bc i have a problem i decided i should post it too#i like other people seeing what ive wrote okay??? is that so wrong????#well it certainly FEELS wrong#but im gonna try to get past it and just put this here#hey maybe only i will like it but thats okay#gotta be able to enjoy your own stuff sometimes right#okay okay okay ill stop rambling to stall like i do every time and just post it#if anyone reads these tags- hello- thank you for reading- i hope you enjoy this!!#snz#snzkink#snzfic#t/rigun s/tampede#v/ash and w/olfwood#my beloveds
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I cannot fucking believe that it took me a MONTH'S worth of phone tag to finally get my doctor's appointments booked. Like I'm actually really fucking pissed it took me this long.
#i was supposed to have a follow up in a week after my appointment last time#erm#but for some reason i couldn't book when i was leaving ghe office so they told me they'd call me to schedule it out.#that was a month ago#i literally called the offices like multiple times a day at different times#listened to hold music in the robot system for fifteen minutes multiple times#im.... just so annoyed#ive just had the stupidest hardest time trying to know whats going on with me and im feel so fucking lost and stuck#and this whole process made it worse#dont mind me
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Every week, when it's time to sit down and write a new chapter, I repeat the same cycle
- I want to put my Blorbos in Situations
- how do I make those situations make sense
- aight I have words on paper, sick
- nothing makes sense
- I don't know how to write
- oh wait it's actually coming together now
- what if THIS happened instead...
- this is my magnum opus
- I stand on the shoulders of giants
Then I post it, and suddenly, 10 grammatical errors and 4 continuity mistakes appear.
#i should maybe look into a beta reader#ive lost all perspective on this fic#i feel out of my mIND#like smiles in the rain#frog rambles#writing#writer#ao3
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hot take but honestly. astarions friendship route feels better than his romance, and its the one he needs the most right now.
im not saying he's incapable of being in a relationship... but killing cazador and reclaiming himself? having to live with himself, trying to forgive himself for everything he did? i think he needs time to heal and become comfortable with himself again. and i feel like a romanced tav at that stage would just make him feel like he owes them something. of course it's not true, but that feeling doesn't just go away after killing cazador. all of his negative thoughts and habits won't suddenly stop. the real work would start after cazador, and what he needs is a group of friends to support him, who he knows unconditionally love him. maybe down the line, sure, he could find someone, but i think he needs space and time to heal without any unintentional pressure.
#the friendship one feels better bc he has people who like him for him not bc of what he can give them. its more transparent to him#personally i think they could've done more with all the friendships... but i get it romance is more popular whatever#you cant even hug him as a friend. cant even visit his grave and be there for him . ok guys whatever#astarion ancunin#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#six speaks#honestly if it were me id be so frustrated that tav was trying to make moves on me while i had a mental breakdown💀#astarion stronger than me fr i would've lost my mind#also i have never romanced him this is just what ive seen people talk about and. it felt weird to me#cant even romance him for science ill cringe too much and die. that's my brother
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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10 Characters/10 Fandoms
Rules: list 10 favourite characters from separate fandoms/media, then tag (10) people
tagged by @solcarow hiiii hihi
Skyward Sword: Link
NOTW: Kvothe/Auri -> i will die before i choose one
ORV: Jung Heewon
Traitor Baru Cormorant: Tain Hu
HxH: Alluka
No Home: Eunyung Baek
RGU: Utena/Anthy -> bonded pair do not separate
Cardcaptor Sakura: Yukito
Ib: Garry
Death Note: Matt
@jfkisonthemoon @evanlisk @ablogbyacryptid @why-fren im too nervy to tag people kejfnks open invitation to participate
#i like. too many things. too much#ripped my hair out deciding what to include#i had to favor specific characters ive lost my mind over above shows/books/games i enjoyed overall#but my guys.. my little guys….. feels so unfair………#ask game
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to be honest with everybody I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else
#talking#when i was young i would play the same games over and over and i would think obsessively about what was beyond the area provided#i wanted so desperately to see the inside of the apartments in castelia city i would spend hours thinking about it#imagining what im missing#thinking with certainty there would be more to the game if i could just get to the points out of reach somehow#that same feeling of believing theres more out there but being locked out of it by some third party keeps happening#ill have dreams that feel infinitely more familiar and certain than the memories and experiences i have in real life#ill be gone for months only to wake up and learn none of it happened and it was just another product of my imagination#feels like im going nuts when i say i dont think the life im living is correct or accurate or. what word do i want#genuine? i dont feel like this is as real as it presents itself to be#i really dont know how to explain any of what im feeling without sounding like ive absolutely lost my mind. honestly maybe i have lost it#i just know that in my dreams the 'abnormal' events that occur feel infinitely more organic & real than the events that occur when im awake#like at some point in my childhood i fell into this parallel universe and nobody ever came to retrieve me so now this is how i live#all the surrealist media was right. i think im supposed to live somewhere more infinite and less. real? grounded?#i dont know. thinking about it makes my chest hurt#i dont know what the hell any of this is todays tag talk sort of got away from me and for that i applogize#ill toss it in the queue since ive been so chatty lately#saw this was still in the queue so im coming back to say i watched a movie about things like this#and i truly felt like i was dying#very fun
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