#i feel like it’s becoming more and more evident that i’m a little silly

[timblrdrake]

You want a bug? Uh, the bugs I have on hand are mayflies, fruit flies, cicada husks, freeze dried mealworms, freeze dried blood worms, and freeze dried crickets. Tomorrow I'm catching fresh grasshoppers, katydids, and crickets if you want those instead

(Nonny nonny)

PS,

I'm not the one eating the bugs

see, initially i didn’t think you were the one eating the bugs, but now i kind of do.

i appreciate the offer but i’m okay, the anonsects need to find me on their own, it’s about the journey not the destination

[lilislegacy]

Okay, I’ve been thinking about something lately

All the time I see people make statements about Percy that start with “Percy would never…”

Some examples I’ve seen: “percy would never kill someone/something in front of his mom” “percy would never yell at someone he loves” “percy would never get drunk” “percy would never let his child go to camp-half blood”

Now if you passionately believe one of those, hear me out. I’m not necessarily saying I disagree!

I’m saying… who would have ever thought Percy would torture a goddess and choke her on her own poison? And…. enjoy doing it? If someone had said that on tumblr pre-HoH, every single comment and reblog would have been “PERCY WOULD NEVER!!” I mean, who would have thought Percy would do a million things he’s done? He’s done some very not so ‘silly little guy’ stuff. He is an extremely complex character. In his own head and to some people, he’s sweet and fun and silly, but to many people he’s reckless and scary and dangerous. Some people see him as someone who’s very gentle and relaxed, but some people see him as someone who’s quick to get very angry and cause destruction. And the truth is, he’s all of it. It depends on his mood. Consistency does not apply to him in many aspects. He has consistent traits, like loyalty, humor, and bravery, but his actual actions and reactions are NOT consistent. I understand why we think Percy would never do certain things. We think we know based off of his past and his history with his mom, or with Gabe, or with Luke. And I’m not saying I think he would do those things, but unless he specifically states it, we can NOT, ever, infer what Percy Jackson might or might not do.

Like for instance, the drinking thing. I am not saying percy would be a big drinker, if one at all. And he probably does have an aversion to the smell of beer because of how the apartment used to smell when he was young. But we have no evidence that Percy associates all alcohol with Gabe. Alcoholic drinks aren’t just foul smelling hard liquors. There are a million different forms that you can consume alcohol in - some of which don’t even smell like alcohol, and barely taste like it. And in The Chalice of the Gods, it’s said that Sally drinks a glass of wine every night. And Percy thinks Sally hangs the freaking moon. So if his mom drinks, he definitely doesn’t believe that alcoholic beverages = the enemy. And here’s the thing, if Annabeth and Piper and Leo were all drinking and having a good time, like college students do, and they go “Hey Percy, come sit and have a drink with us!” there’s a very good chance that he’s so comfortable with his best friends, and just wants to let loose and be a college kid, that he wouldn’t even think about Gabe. He’d just be like “Sounds fun! Count me in!” But I don’t know. That’s the point. I don’t know. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. I truly think it could go either way. And even if he does drink, maybe he never - not even once - gets drunk. Maybe he’d drink in college and as a young adult, but when he becomes a father one day, he decides he doesn’t want his children to ever smell so much as a drop of alcohol on his breath, and therefore completely stops drinking. Or maybe he doesn’t ever like it, even in college. Or maybe he’s like his mom, and he and Annabeth just have a glass of wine with dinner. Who knows?

Not us. That’s what I’m saying. WE don’t know.

I’m not saying we can’t have headcanons based on what we know about him. I have a million. But the point is, I feel like we can’t try to pretend like we actually know what Percy wouldn’t do. As a fandom, we analyze him and his choices WAY more than he ever thinks about a single choice. He definitely does not think about his life and his actions as much as we do. (I’m not saying that he’s dumb or doesn’t contemplate his life and his actions, but he doesn’t nearly do it to the degree that we do.) Us, we pretend like it’s simple math. (Our first mistake, since math is consistent and full of rules, which is the exact opposite of Percy’s character.) We go “okay luke did this and gabe did this so therefore percy would never do this.” But Percy doesn’t think that way most of the time, especially not in heat of the moment matters. The only thing we 100% know about Percy is that he will always be loyal to his loved ones. But even then, we don’t know what that loyalty will look like. Is it sacrificing himself for someone? Is it murdering the enemy? Is it manipulating someone else? Percy lives in the moment. He doesn’t often think too much before he acts. He just acts. Whether it’s in a life of death situation, or his after school activity for the day. He is unpredictable, like the ocean. It’s one of his defining traits.

Honestly, I think that’s why annabeth is so drawn to him. With everyone else, she can read them super easily and know their next move. But with Percy, she has no idea. Which is frustrating to her, but also exciting. It’s a big part of her initial attraction to him. It’s also why many of us like him so much. We don’t know what’s coming next, and we never know what he will do in a situation. Like, how could we possibly know what he would or wouldn’t do when HE doesn’t even know? Half the time I don’t think Rick himself even knows.

We become so sure that Percy wouldn’t do something because we understand his character so well, right? But I think the truth is, the minute we become certain about what Percy would or wouldn’t do, is the minute we don’t understand his character at all.

Thank you for reading my analysis of Percy on why we can’t reliably analyze Percy

[shadowbriar]

Diego Hargreeves - Patches

Pairing : Diego Hargreeves x (she/her) Reader Word Count : 1.2k Warning : None. Notes : This might be the introduction of a story I'm working on. I cannot guarantee that I'll have the commitment to continue until it's end so don't have too much hope for this. I am open if you have any The Umbrella Academy requests at the moment, so do hit me up! If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕

He got eight of them.

For the longest time in her life, she’s never understood the silly yet cruel joke life cursed upon her. To be able to heal everyone but herself, no matter the wound or injury one might have, she’ll cure it in no time, so long as it wasn’t inflicted on her.

Once, it wasn’t this pathetic nor lonely. She had her brothers and sisters to weather to storm through. There were Pogo and Mum to share cookies and stories with. It’s been years since she felt such comfort and to have to drag her feet back to the house that had turned itself from a warm home into a prison before the last days of her departure is surely weighing on her heart.

“Welcome home, dear.”

Her heart was filled with warmth once the familiar motherly voice greets her. The corners of her lips curved into a big smile as she dropped her bags, running to the dearly missed figure, “Mum.”

It took the bot a couple seconds to return the embrace. No doubt that she’s been lacking a lot of upgrades ever since she left. When the two broke the hug, she stared at the ageless caregiver with fulfilled eyes as it stared back at her with its bright smile, blank and not blinking. This might have been the most home she could feel while she’s here.

“You’re not supposed to come,” another voice echoes from the stairs.

“Diego, that’s not very nice.” Mum scolded lightly “Your sister has returned to us.”

The boy showed a thin smile to the bot, patting her lightly on the shoulder, “I think Pogo was looking for you, Mum.”

With a slight nod, the android excused herself out of the room.

Now if Grace’s presence lightened her heart, the sight of this black suited man certainly plummets it.

“You look awful,” She greets, noticing the scars that litter his face “Surely couldn’t find a better nurse than me now, can you?”

“Please,” Diego snorted “You’re more of a deadweight than a nurse, if ever.”

Ouch.

She lets out an exasperated exhale, folding her hands in front of her chest in defence, “Well, I’m not here for you and I don’t take joy either on coming back to this circus, so if you could just get yourself off that non-existent high horse—”

Before she could finish her words, Diego had already walked away as if she wasn’t there to begin with. His back becomes the abundant evidence that whatever bad blood they had years ago is still staining his skin.

It wasn’t always like this, him and her. In fact, they were the inseparable two growing up. If Luther had Allison, Diego had her. The many times she healed his wounds had led them to grow closer as the years went by. He was the one with the most injury to heal, after all. The most careless in battle out of the eight, never backing down from a close combat. Though he would always come out triumphant, a little cut here and there would be something he never escaped from.

“Don’t mind him, he’s giving us all the sour comments,” Allison said as she linked her arms to her “I’m glad to see you.”

She smiles at her sister, squeezing her hand slightly in reassurance, “As I am to see you.”

—-

“You should really learn how to dodge a punch, Diego,” She says as she runs her thumb through his bruise “One of these days you’re going to go home and I may not be able to heal you.”

“Is that a loss on your part or my part?”

Her eyebrow rose, purposely pressing on his bruise without healing it that he winces a little, “Or maybe I just won’t heal you, that’s definitely a loss on your part.”

“As if you’ll ever do that.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Diego tries his best to bite the grin but it proved to be an even harder task than to back out of a fight. He stares at her fondly, finding the jitters in his stomach to amplify the longer he stares yet it feels impossible for him to break the contact. Perhaps she casts a little of her magic everytime she heals him.

“Don’t stare at me like that.”

“Like what?” He asks.

“Like Klaus stares at a bottle of gin,” She says, now examining his other cuts “Like I stare at Mum’s cookies.”

Diego smiles.

“Like Luther stares at Allison.”

“Would it be so bad if I stare that way?”

The wake from the unintended nap hurts her head. Her bed is much smaller than she last remembered with her feet slightly dangling on the edge and how the pillows have certainly lost their fluffiness. Everything in her room stays the same yet at the same time, everything has changed.

—-

Diego defeatedly threw himself to the sofa. He sighs, his knuckles cracking as he tries to ball his fists. The tidal wave of emotions were beating him black and blue in silence. It feels as if he was swallowed by a giant blackhole with no light nor guidance to get out of.

There was no need for him to be rude to her, he knew that. He didn’t want to do it, but seeing her back in their house, hugging and talking to Grace, hurts. It took him years to try and ignore the ghost of her. She was the one force that would fuel his mornings and ease him to sleep at night. She was the one soul that he would always go to seek refuge. She was the one that he would lay his life on the line for without a second of doubt.

But he had to lose it all after one stupid night.

A night that he would never be able to grow out of, both from the horror and the guilt. Diego shut himself out for days following that terrifying night, locking his doors and skipping meals as he tries to think of all the what-if scenarios.

What if he stayed home that night?

What if he forced her to stay home that night?

What if he saved her before she saved him?

What if?

Mindlessly, he reaches for a knife on his left chest. It was a stranger to the rest of his knives collection. Compared to the polished lightweight knives he tucked in his suit, this one butter knife was rather dull. It would serve no harm to anyone, yet he kept it closest to his heart as if it was his most prized possession.

Diego stared at the knife. His brows knitted, examining the item as if it held the answer to all of his questions. Or perhaps some guidance. Anything to help him keep his sanity and not lose the plot now that she’s back in his life. Was she staying or was she leaving for the night? He wasn’t sure. But even if she is leaving, the hours he’d have to spend with her would suffocate nonetheless.

His thumb traces the engraving on the knife’s handle. A little trace of an infinite loop that had somehow become his stress outlet: the number eight.

[hearts4hughes]

green-eyed boy | jack hughes

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which jack’s jealousy takes control of him when you grow closer to an old friend.

note: this is so rushed and short, but i was in need of some jealousy jack on this rainy monday. i apologize for any mistakes in the writing, i wrote this whole watching the bruins’ game tonight.

jealousy had consumed him, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. it all began with seemingly insignificant occurrences, like you exchanging texts and snapchats with your old friend, dominic. gradually, it escalated into something more significant—breakfasts, morning calls, and inside jokes. despite its innocent nature, it all remained purely platonic. after all, dominic was only in town for the week, and you wished to maximize your time together.

but for jack, it felt like torment. each mention of dominic's name triggered a surge of his insecurities. he trusted you unquestionably, yet he couldn't help but feel a growing sense of irritation at having to share your attention.

"hey, baby." jack greeted, taking note of your smiley face. "whatcha laughing at?"

"oh nothing," you dismissed. he furrowed his brows, lips forming a small pout. "just an inside joke with dom."

jack rolled his eyes, and you couldn't help but furrow your brows. "so he's 'dom' now. didn't realize that," he mumbled, more to himself than to you.

you exchanged a puzzled glance with jack, sensing that something was amiss. his jealousy was becoming more apparent with each passing day.

"jack, is something bothering you?" you asked, genuinely concerned.

he averted his gaze, his irritation evident. "nah, it's nothing," he muttered, crossing his arms defensively.

"oh, i know what it is!" you teased, "someone's a little jealous."

jack's eyes narrowed, his lips pressing into a tight line. he refused to acknowledge your playful taunt.

you couldn't help but push a little further, your playfulness mixing with a hint of concern. "come on, jack, don't be like that. you know there's no reason to be jealous. it's just dominic, and i love you."

instead of responding, jack turned away, his stubborn silence filling the air. he gave you the silent treatment, which was a tactic he sometimes used when his emotions got the better of him.

you sighed and decided it was time to change your approach. you slid closer to him, gently tracing your fingers along his arm. "okay, i get it. you're not in the mood to talk right now."

jack remained silent but didn't move away from your touch.

you leaned in closer, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "you know i love you, right?"

jack's shoulders seemed to relax ever so slightly, but he still avoided eye contact.

your teasing had brought a playful twist to this situation, but you knew it was essential to reassure jack. you traced your fingertips along his jawline, turning his face to meet your gaze. "jack, you're the only one i want, and nothing's going to change that. dominic's just a friend, but you, you're my love."

finally, jack couldn't resist the warmth in your eyes and the sincerity in your words. he met your gaze, and his icy demeanor began to melt away. "i know, y/n. i just can't help it sometimes. it's silly, i know."

you grinned and pecked his lips gently. "it's not silly, it's cute. it's hot when you get jealous, but remember, i'm all yours."

jack's pout turned into a sly smirk. “you think i’m hot?” his voice was smug. it seemed like he had gotten over his mini-fit.

“i think you're more than hot, baby.” you played into his ego. his face flushed as it dropped into the crook of your neck, planting wet kisses along your jawline. you giggled, allowing your hands to entangle with his locks, tugging gently as he sucked on your sweet spot.

“i’m so lucky to have you.” his breath was hot in your ear. your lips curved up into a goofy grin. “now, let me show you how much you mean to me.” his tone was sultry and his hand dropped to your waist, repositioning into his lap.

[cryptictongues]

To Kiss is to Hunger

pairing: Joshua Rosfield x Fem!Reader rating: Mature word count: 5.0K summary: You are terrified to kiss Joshua. Joshua has an idea to remedy that.

warnings: practice kissing, grinding, touching, intimacy, mutual pining, insecurities and self-doubt, just straight up romance

Author’s Notes: Ngl I know I said it would be a little frisky, but just so happens I made it just a little bit friskier because Joshua is just a touch starved man. Just a heads up, please read my pinned post before following me! Minors and ageless blogs will be blocked as this blog’s content is NSFW.

[AO3 link]

You couldn’t fathom why you are in the Shelves this late into the night. ‘It’s silly.” You think, walking around, trying to find anything to help you with your little dilemma. You tried to put your brain to rest, to calm its ravenous thoughts of anxiety, but the efforts were futile. And it is all because a teasing strawberry blond tried to kiss you.

You and the young Lord got quite close after his arrival to the Hideaway. You help out as a barmaid for Molly in the Ale House, and the first night of Joshua being out of the infirmary after the fall of Drake’s Tail had been all the talk. You would overhear conversations about how charming he was, how he was very knowledgeable about the lands of Valisthea, and how he is the brother of the leader of the Hideaway. He piqued your curiosity, as most newcomers do, but you didn’t think anything to come of it.

There was one night, however, where service wasn’t off its rig, and you had decided to take that time to practice your reading. Reading and writing are forbidden practices for Branded, and you were only able to learn reading due to old, scribbled writings thrown into the trash bins. You would rummage through for every written scrap in the dead of night and return it before your enslavers came to. To you, it was a piece to the puzzle of your freedom. But only a piece. 

You were reading an old children’s fairytale: a prince in search of the long-lost princess who searched day and night to find her. You were immersed, so much so you hadn’t noticed the presence in front of you, seemingly still but present all the same. 

“Ah, I read that story many times as a child. A true classic.”

Your head had snapped so far back you thought you would’ve fallen backwards. Your eyes jumped until they landed on the man before you, and you remember how wonderstruck you felt. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen, and the way he was looking at you had your stomach producing butterflies. You felt a sense of embarrassment, however, as the book you were reading was adapted for children. You knew those born with a silver spoon were highly educated, so to have someone as handsome and surely intelligent as he watching you read made you nervous to be a laughing stock. 

“Yeah, but it’s more of a watered down version of it. I’m sure I’ll get to read the original someday.” You had awkwardly explained, waiting for him to make a joke of your lack of ability to read at a level that matched your maturity. That joke, however, never came. He stayed and asked you questions, such as who your favorite character was, what your favorite part of the story was, and so on. That conversation led beyond the book, and it is a fond memory of the golden boy.

It wasn’t long after that he offered to tutor you and made an extraordinary effort to give you books about topics you liked. Hell, he would even bring books back from long expeditions that him, Clive, and Jill would go on. “I found this story about sea fairies that I thought you would like.” “I saw a merchant selling a copy of this book I think you’ll enjoy.” “This book made me think of you.”

After many nights and days passing, it had become apparent that your heart had let him in, and you were relieved to know that his heart blazed for you also. However, unlike you, he is very evident about how he shows his feelings for you. He initiated the first hand holding, the first embrace, every tender moment you both have shared has been started by him. It makes you nervous, he makes you nervous, but in a conflicting way because you want everything he has to offer, yet your life of being treated less than for so long has put in the fear of not being enough. You fear you will misstep, embarrass yourself, he will realize he can have someone better, and let you down gently. He is a gentleman, after all.

All of the insecurities and doubts you hold have led you to the shelves due to this past evening's events.

-

A gathering of many members of the Hideaway was taking place, enjoying each other’s company, exchanging stories from the road, and eating and drinking so good that spirits were at an all time high. About halfway through the evening, Joshua and Clive had returned from their mission that had kept them away for well over a week, and joined everyone in the festivities. You could feel Joshua’s eyes on you constantly as you worked, soft gazes in your direction as you brought over more ale. You hadn’t seen each other since he had left, and you could see from the look in his eyes that he wanted you close, longing for your time. 

And you weren’t the only one to sense it.

“Go on.” You heard Molly speak as you polished the cups.

“Hmmm?” You turned to see her smirking at you, nudging her head in the direction of the young Rosfield. 

“You are free of your duties. You spend some time with everyone, especially you know who.” 

You shook your head, your cheeks flushed. “I appreciate it, but Molly there is a lot to clean up. I can’t ask you to do this all by yourself.”

“Nonsense.” She scoffed, walking to you, taking the scrub and cup out of your hands, only to set them aside to grab your own. “We all deserve a little down time. Please, I insist.”

You hesitated, and her eyes softened. “In these troubling times, every moment counts; for anything can happen at any time. We must be selfish with our time.” 

That alone had set you into motion. You had walked over to sit beside him, hip to hip, his arm draped around your side with his head leaning slightly against your own as Clive shared his and his brother’s adventures. 

You could tell Joshua was more touchy than normal, not that you minded. You would feel him squeeze you from time to time. If you shifted slightly, he would adjust so you were still close to him. You would feel him turn his head to bury his face into your hair, gentle caresses of his lips against your scalp. No words were spoken between the two of you, just enjoying the night together with everyone. But even nights like these had to end. 

You called it a night, telling everyone that you were going to head to the bed chambers, but not before Joshua insisted on walking you there. The two of you had bid goodnight to the others, and with your hand in Joshua’s grasp, the two of you walked to the bed chambers, small talk between the two of you as you both headed there slowly.  

“I can’t believe you let Clive do that.” You giggled, Joshua’s story about his older brother shoving a carrot into his mouth to make him sick. 

“He had reason, for we were in an unfortunate situation. We needed a reason to slip away.” Joshua grimaced, vaguely remembering the taste of the raw carrot. “Besides, I have always had a soft spot for my brother. I’d do anything for him.”

“I know having him back in your life has been a gift.” You smiled, waving his arm back and forth as you both approached the bed chambers. He pulled your arm back gently, causing you to turn into his arms. The way he was looking at you left you speechless; a thousand words being spoken through one look. 

“Why yes, it has truly been a gift by the Founder to be reunited with my brother.” He brings your hand up to his chest, right above his heart; the thumping gingerly warming up your palm. “It has also been a gift to have the honor of being allowed your time, my lady.”

You shook your head, but before you could’ve said anything, Joshua had spoken once more. “On the topic of gifts, I have something for you.” 

He slipped his free hand into the large pouch of his belt and pulled out what you can see is a book. He placed the book in both of your hands, grazing them before allowing you to inspect it. You recognized the artistry of the book: hardbound leather, intricate gold lining, and a sturdy weight in your hand. You looked at the title and you found yourself releasing a shaky breath. 

“I thought you said there were no more copies.” You whispered, in disbelief as to what you were seeing. Enchanting thy Fair Maiden. It was a copy of a book Joshua has praised over. He would recite lines to you from what he memorized as a child, and you would ask him to retell them to you over and over again, never tiring from hearing his smooth voice telling you a tale.

“It took some bartering, but it was worth it if it means I could grant you a copy.” 

Snapping from your mind, you looked to him, shaking your head in disbelief. “Joshua, I can’t accept this. This is one of your favorite stories. You should keep it.” 

You tried pushing the book back into Joshua’s, but not before him grasping both of your hands and gently pushing it back into your vicinity. “My lady.” He begged. “I can reassure you that nothing would please me more than you accepting this gift.”

You stayed silent for a moment, a brief pause in the timeline aside from you and him, before smiling shyly, looking away from him in a flush. “I will cherish this for all days, Joshua. Maybe you can read it to me properly sometime.”

“Anything for you, dearest.” 

Your gaze stayed down, not knowing how to bid farewell for the night, before you felt Joshua’s hand lightly touch your cheek, lifting your face for him to look upon. You sensed a certain hesitancy, his eyes seeking for something on your face before landing back on your own. 

“May I try something?” 

Everything started to go slow and fast at the same time, your mind racing and hyper focusing on every detail. You focused on how much closer Joshua had gotten to you, how his body heat had your body melting tenfold, how his face leaned down to yours, his hand stroking your cheek. You realized what he was asking to do: he was asking to kiss you.

Sudden flashes of self-doubt came crashing down onto you, Joshua’s hand on your branded cheek making you feel self-conscious. What is he doing? How can he want to kiss me? Oh, Greagor be with me, I have never kissed anyone. I am going to make a fool of myself!

Out of reflex and fear, you stepped back and away from Joshua’s reach. He looked startled, not expecting your reaction, and all you could do was stare at him as you calmed your heart down. You felt embarrassment shudder down your spine, but you knew that it would have been worse if you had attempted to kiss him. 

You tried to shrug it off, chuckling awkwardly as if that would erase the last few seconds of shame you felt. “It is late. I’m afraid I must turn in. Goodnight, Joshua.” 

You flung the chamber door open and closed it just as fast without a glance in Joshua’s direction, your back hitting the wood as you worked your anxieties down.

Now you’ve really done it stupid stupid STUPID!

-

So here you are, looking for a kissing manual that doesn’t exist.

“I can’t believe it has come to this.” You moan, shaking your head at how pathetic you currently feel. You want to kiss him; of course you want to kiss him! But the thought of kissing him and making a complete fool out of yourself has strung itself high in your head. You will do anything to ease your anxieties, and if finding literature that will help you is the way, then so be it. 

You keep searching the shelves, and finally you see something that catches your attention. You see a book with a deep red spine, and immediately you become curious. Red means romance which maybe means kissing, right? you think and go to reach for it, your tippy toes giving you an extra inch that helps you grab the old spine of the book. Once the book is grasped, you give it a once over and what you see is nothing at all. The book has no title, no author, no nothing. Just hardbound leather that looks as if it had been dyed with blood. 

You move to sit at a table, the kissing debacle hiding in the back of your skull as a new curiosity peeks. You stare at the book intently, like it was going to open up for you to tell you all of its secrets. A book with no visible identity, no mark.

The curiosity killed the cat as you finally flipped it open, the crackle of the pages singing, showing its age. The first few pages are barren with no offering until you reach the first official page. You read, smiling because you can read everything on the page in comprehension, but also because it’s a love poem. You never have had the chance to read poetry thus far, so this was a treat for you. Just the thing I need to ease my mind.

You continue reading the poems, most being about love, companionship, and things in the realm of romance. As you read them, you picture Joshua and yourself, like the two of you were living in the reality of this book full of lovely prose. In a way, it makes you recognize that maybe what Joshua sees in you is what you are imagining right now: a lover, a partner for life. You feel a sense of confidence swell in you, so you read on, addicted to the words written out.

Until you get to the next page.

What you read next halts your breathing, slowing it down to stop fire from growing in your chest. This poem is about the same things previously stated, love, romance, companionship, but in a much more intimate form. The words strung together formed the most erotic sentences, words of longing for the senses. They make you blush hotly; they make you antsy in your chair while locked in, but most especially they make your mind run wild with fantasies of you and him. 

Oh, you and him.

You mind wanders as you read, zoning out into a reality where you exude the confidence to give into Joshua’s desires and more. The words dig into your skin, warming you up that your thin nightgown felt like plenty of layers on this cool night. You are so immersed that you don’t hear the large doors open, and the calling of your name feels like a figment of your imagination. It’s not until you feel the warmth on your shoulders that you are brought back, feeling like a bucket of cold water has been dropped over your head from the cold sweat.

You slam the book shut, turning so quickly that the room starts to spin before the warmth on your shoulders grows firm, steadying you in your seat. You look to see Joshua staring at you, worry showing on his face seemingly from your reaction. “I deeply apologize, my lady. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

You breathe a chuckle, seeing him here at a time like this would be your luck. You cross your arms, becoming extremely aware of your lack of clothing under his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you.” He retorts and pulls out a chair to sit facing you. “Truthfully, I couldn’t sleep much. I came here to see if doing more research would tire me, but it seems fate has chosen a more direct route to my restlessness.”

You see why he can’t sleep, and sigh because this is from your doing. “Joshua, you have nothing to fret over. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I’m afraid you are wrong, my lady. I shouldn’t have been so forward, and to know I put you in an uncomfortable position upsets me greatly. I would never dream of making you uneasy, and for my mishaps I must apologize to you. I cannot bear the thought of you keeping your distance because of my foolishness.” 

You watch him as he apologizes for his directness, which internally makes you laugh because that isn’t the issue. You love his directness, just as he is being direct with you right now. It’s you. It’s your cowardice for wanting something more and not having the courage to pursue because of the what ifs, the buts, the howevers. It’s your fear of rejection because of your lived experiences. It’s you, not him. 

“Joshua.” You state, moving to grab his hands within your own. “You did nothing wrong.”

“My lady, please I-” 

“Shhh,” you hush. “Let me speak.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, and I apologize for making you feel you need to.” You exhale, preparing to open yourself up for display. “It’s all me. I’m inexperienced, and I’ve been viewed as nothing for so long that I’m fearful that one misstep will set you away; that you can have someone who knows what they are doing and have the confidence to show for it.”

“Is that really what this is about?” Joshua asks.

You nod, looking down at the two of your intertwined hands. You see Joshua’s hands pull away from yours and your breath shakes. This is it. He is going to leave. That’s until you feel the heat that only the Phoenix could exude on your cheeks, your head being brought up to see him smiling. “My dearest,” Joshua whispers, as if talking any louder would damn him. “You are my everything, for you have captured me: mind, body, and soul. Also, your inexperience mirrors mine, I can assure you.”

Your eyes widen. “There is no way that can be true. You are a Lord.”

He’s laughing now, shaking his head as his hands go back to you, grasping them with care. “I was only a child then. Besides, the Undying were very protective of me under their care. There was no time nor place for such things. Even then, the only person that was always allowed in my vicinity was Jote, and we have never viewed each other romantically.”

“So, there really has been no one?” You whisper, your mind stuck between disbelief and credence.

“No. Not until now.” He squeezes your hands. “My heart belongs to you, and you alone. There is no one else I’d rather give myself to.”

You shiver, the idea of experiencing forms of intimacy together for the first time spreads a raging fire in your stomach. “You sure have a way with words, Joshua Rosfield.”

“You can thank all of the romance novels I read in my youth.” He chuckles. “Speaking of books, what were you reading?”

“What?” You ask, forgetting about the erotica sitting inches away from you. 

“The book you were reading. I don’t believe I have read that one yet. May I take a look?” 

You are panicking, knowing the contents of the book and who is asking to take a peek. You go to grab it, reacting as fast as you could, but alas you reacted too late. Joshua now has the book, opening the page you had left off on, and starts to read. You see his eyes go wide, his pupils dilating, his fingers fidgeting against the page he is holding. You freak out, going to reach for the book before he reads further. “Okay Joshua, that’s enough.” A smile creeps up slowly on his face, humming as he moves to stand up before your fingertips touch the book, backing away slowly as he continues. You stand up, walking up to him to get that god forsaken book away from him. 

“Oh Joshua, please give me back the book!” You panic. 

“By the Founder, what possessed you to read this smut?” Joshua smirks, seamlessly avoiding your grabby hands as he reads the pages. “Especially in the middle of the night?”

He wasn’t meant to see this! He wasn’t meant to see you reading the abhorrent words you were consuming. He wasn’t meant to see you like this in your flimsy gown. Damn me! Why did I not cover up more?!

“To taste the lips is to be fulfilled, for the instinct of man is to claim, conquer, and revel in the midst of her flesh. To kiss is to hunger, to feast among the softest of petals that call to him, beckoning for his return to get both of their fills.”

You are internally screaming now. You can’t believe he is tormenting you like this. You are still reaching for the book, desperate for this nightmare to end, before you hear an “oomph” as Joshua’s back collides into one of the shelves. You snatch the book from him, running back to put it back where it came from. “Okay, enough please!”

“Forgive me.” Joshua says, although it is said with a devilish grin. “I just didn’t know you had such… exquisite taste.”

“I didn’t even know what was in the book when I pulled it.” You say defensively, hands waving manically in front of you like they would make you more convincing. “I was just trying to find something that would help give me the courage.”

As if that isn’t as embarrassing, or even more so.

“What if we do something that helps us both gain courage? A practice session if you will.” Joshua says from the other side of the room, keeping his distance to see what tone you will take.

“What do you have in mind?” You draw out nervously, twiddling your thumbs in anticipation.

Joshua walks back over to where you both had sat, moving the chair so it was facing you before sitting down. He rubs his thighs a little as if he needed to warm them up, before patting his lap. “Come take a seat.”

Instinct has you taking a step forward before a hitch finds itself in your feet, stopping them all together. 

“Do you trust me?” He asks sincerely.

“Of course, I do.” You quickly blurt out, as if answering a second later would draw doubt. 

He smiles, his hand reaching out to invite you over. “Then please, my dearest, come to me.”

You take a deep breath and walk over till you stand before him. You grasp his hand, tingles running up your arm as he pulls you to him and guides you onto his lap. Your hands move to steady yourself on his shoulders, while he places his hands on your lower back to support you. Your legs dangle on either side of the chair, your gown riding up your thighs which you are all too aware of. However, you note that Joshua is only looking at you, gauging to see where your head is. “Is this okay, my lady?”

“Mhmm.” You hum, trying to calm your rapid heart. This is so intimate, too intimate, but you want it. You want him. You want to create every kind of intimacy with him, and this is a start. You knew that it is time to take that leap, especially since he will take that leap with you. 

“Joshua,” you murmur, eyes still on his. “Will you kiss me?”

“As you wish, my love.” 

You close your eyes, leaning in slightly to show that you aren’t backing out. You feel one of Joshua’s hands move to your left cheek, your branded cheek, tracing it with his thumb gently. Soon you feel him move forward, his forehead sitting against yours, his breath hitting your lips in puffs. The anticipation was killing you, your hands squeezing his shoulders to urge him on, and before you know it his lips are against your own. The kiss is light, a sweet peck before pulling away slightly, only to go back to give one more. You both are testing the waters, giving into each other slowly until the two of you start to grow peckish.

The kiss is gradual, pecks graduating to long lip locks and more movement. Your hands have found homage in Joshua’s hair, gripping not too hard but enough to show him how much you are enjoying him. His hands found their way to the crease of your hips, gripping the flesh to keep you in place. You can feel yourself growing restless, needing more of him within your senses. 

It’s like he can read your mind as his hands bring your body closer. A gasp leaves your lips as his groin settles against your heat, leaving your head spinning. His kisses become feverish, his hands roaming up and down your thighs, your nightgown receding higher in the process. You sense satiability is nowhere in sight, the movements of his body proving to you that the absence of intimate touch has turned him into a depraved man. Because even though Joshua Rosfield is a gentleman with a heart of selflessness, he is still a man with selfish desires and needs.

Your hands go back to grip at his shoulders, trying to calm yourself from his ministrations. A wetness hits your lips, and your mouth opens willingly, needing to taste him further. Your tongues melt together, creating a unique taste between the two of you that’s so addicting you don’t know how either of you will stop. You lean more into him, your hands going back to his hair to control his movements, causing him to groan in the most sinful way. You pull away, giggling knowing you got him to make such pretty sounds. The confidence from it goes straight to your head, going right back in for his lips to have him make more delicious sounds. 

A deep feral groan is released from Joshua’s throat, causing him to pull away in heavy breaths. He looks at you with hazy eyes, smiling deliriously. “You will be the death of me, my love.”

Your hands are now trailing from his hair to his chest, your hands running up and down the fabric of his tunic, feeling the toned body beneath it all. Your head leans back against his forehead, both of your breaths heavy on each other’s lips. “Then shall death keep us together, never parted.”

Joshua leans up back to your lips, kissing you hungrily, your declaration causing him to hunger for more. You still had the high ground, you being on top giving you more opportunity to take the lead. You knew this could be too soon, a little risky, but your sureness that Joshua feels the same hunger as you do is enough to convince you. You start to grind down slowly on top of him, your undergarments and his matching tunic pants the only barriers. 

“Fuck,” Joshua draws out breathless, his arms coming up to wrap around you to ground himself. 

“Does that feel good, my Lord?” You smile, feeling over the moon that you are making him act this way. 

“You have no idea.” Joshua gasps. “You have turned me into a new man.”

You giggle as you continue your movements. “Is that so?”

“By the Founder, yes!” He groans loudly at a particular movement of your hips. “How about I show you.”

Suddenly you are being lifted up, your butt settled onto a hard surface, legs spread apart by Joshua’s hips, and warm lips ravishing your own. Your nightgown is definitely way past your legs now, bunched up at your hips with Joshua’s hands right under the fabric. This new side of Joshua has you addicted, the push and pull the both of you are playing at exciting you more. You release his lips and lean up to his neck, nipping at the skin at the juncture of his neck and jaw. His breath hitches, leaning into you as you nip and kiss his neck. It’s as if he is hypnotized by your love bites, casting a spell on him. Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to you, but in an instant everything stops.

You open your eyes to see Joshua breathing hard, his hands gripping the table. Your hands go to his face, worry etching into your brain. “Darling, did I do something wrong?”

Joshua laughs, his eyes opening to look right back at you. “Absolutely not.” His hands go to yours on his face, holding onto each one as he brings them down. “I just don’t want to accomplish everything in one night, especially here in the Shelves.”

He pulls you up to your feet, your hands still in his as he looks at you with the brightest smile on his face. “I want to have time to savor you when the time is right.”

Even after all of that, he is still ever the gentleman. 

“I agree. I’m sorry if I went too far.” You chuckle, a tinge of embarrassment in your tone. 

Joshua embraces you, his head tucked into your neck. “You have nothing to apologize for. I hope you don’t think I had ulterior motives.”

“Never,” you say quickly, squeezing him to you.

“We should head back to our respective beds before people notice we’ve disappeared.” Joshua hums.

You hum in agreement and pull back, so you are now under Joshua’s arm. Both of you head out the doors of the Shelves into the cool night air. You shiver, and Joshua brings you in closer to shield you from the cold. He walks you back to the bed chambers, and before he departs, he places a light kiss on your lips, causing your eyes to flutter close at the bliss you feel in the moment. 

“Goodnight, my dearest. I shall see you in the morning.” Joshua says after he pulls away.

“Goodnight, Joshua. But before you go, may I request something?” 

“Anything for you, my dearest.” 

“Can we practice some more later? You are my tutor after all.” And my lover, my partner for life.

Joshua beams at you. “I would love nothing more.”

[riiwrites]

“my kind of woman”

featuring : satoru gojo, chuuya nakahara

requested by : anon

request : “could i please have headcanons for ideal type of woman and what they would choose to do as a first date for chuuya and gojo please”

if anybody knows who created the gojo fanart, please let me know so I can credit them!

masterlist main page

SATORU GOJO

• For Gojo, I think he’d want someone who can handle most of his teasing.

• But someone who can also defend themselves and tease him back.

• He’d never want to actually cross the point where he’d hurt you or make you cry, so he prefers you to be a lot more strong willed instead of accidentally saying something that could potentially hurt you.

• He does love the cuties, someone with a cute smile and chubby cheeks to them and all.

• The happy cheery girls with such a positive outlook on situations.

• It just makes him so giddy, having such a cutie like you on his hip to match his energy with.

• An absolute bonus if you have a sweet tooth just like him.

• That way you guys could just binge snacks and shows and debate about the silliest things.

• I don’t think he’s one to care for looks

• Although we know he finds Inoue Waka hot, he wouldn’t really care how his woman looks 🤷🏼‍♀️

• For a first date, I think he’d take you on a tour to all of the sweet shops in Japan.

• And not just any ordinary sweet shop, oh no.

• The most expensive ones.

• And if you’d feel guilty that he’s spending too much on you?

• “I have too much! My bank account is overflowing with money it should be illegal, and what better way to spend it all is to spend it on my princess?”

• A gentleman and a sweetheart i say.

-

“Toru..where are we going?” You say with a little giggle escaping your lips. You were accompanied with his big hands over your eyes and your back against his chest as he guided you carefully through the streets of Tokyo.

“Shhhhh, sweets..you’ll see in just a second.”

“I’m becoming concerned..”

“What?! Have a little faith in me why don’t ya??” You can tell the smiles evident in his voice as he places a chaste kiss on the top of your head.

You giggle once again, finding his childish request laughable. Once you finally reach your destination after what felt like a forever duration of walking due to Gojo being extremely careful for you not to bump into anyone, you can feel him lean down and his breath tickles your ear as he speaks.

“Okay, on the count of three sweets, kay?”

“Kay!”

“One, two, three!!” As he shouts the three with such excitement he takes his hands off your eyes, now revealing the grand surprise Gojo had planned for you two.

And oh my, it was a grand surprise - he wasn’t kidding.

“Toru..isn’t this?-“

“Yes, yes it is.”

“…”

“But, Toru isn’t it-“

“Uh-huh”

“…”

“But Toru it looks so-“

He places a finger over your lips, still smiling as he leans closer to your face.

“Why are you asking so many questions, sweet girl?”

You pout, furrowing your eyebrows.

“It looks so expensive..I don’t want you to waste that kind of money, especially for a first date..”

His smile fades into a look of confusion, tilting his head to the side.

“What? Are you crazy?” He begins, leaning back up and placing his hands on his hips.

“This type of money I choose to spend practically deserves to be spent on you!”

“But why?” You ask.

He sighs dramatically, making tutting sounds with his mouth as he shakes his hand and his smile returns.

“So many questions..its because i like you, silly girl.” He boops your nose, earning a blush from you as you melt at his words. He extends a hand out to you, in which you take without anymore questions.

“Now, I desperately need to try the newest flavour of kikufuku that they have!”

CHUUYA NAKAHARA

• I honestly think Chuuya and Gojo have similar tastes in woman.

• But Chuuya especially doesn’t care for the looks, he cares for the personality.

• But overall, I believe he loves a woman who is well organised and has a rather calm nature.

• Not that he wouldn’t mind having a bubbly cutie, just that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with her excitement or match her energy.

• He loves a woman to be carefree and kind, not mean or bratty.

• He wouldn’t want to take care of someone who acts like a child, he wants someone who takes care of themselves thoroughly and can manage things on their own.

• I can imagine he’d love to see his S/O in red.

• Just absolutely melts at the sight of it.

• He loves the cuties he can spoil.

• As long as they’re presentable, kind and respectful he wouldn’t want anything less.

• For a first date, you know he’d be the one to treat you right.

• Getting you a gift especially is such a must for him too.

• He wants you to believe you’re worth it and that he’s in for the long run, bumps and all.

• Which is why taking you to the fanciest restaurant in Yokohama that he rented out specifically just for you and him with his money was the best chance to prove it.

-

“You like it doll?” Chuuya asks with a smile, placing his hand on his cheek as he stares at you adoringly.

“Chuuya, it’s absolutely beautiful..” You say breathlessly as you stare at the gorgeous gold necklace you have in your grasp.

“What can I say? The best for the best. You wan’ me to help you put it on?”

You nod with a sweet smile graced on your lips.

At this he smiles wider, getting up from his seat as he comes over behind you to take the necklace off your hands and place it around your neck, clasping it together as you feel his cold hands on the back of your neck.

The atmosphere was beyond perfect. Nobody in sight besides you, him and one or two waiters in sight as the slow piano music fills the comforting silence in the room as he helps you with the jewellery, his movements careful and gentle.

It was all so romantic, so perfect.

He heads back to his seat, sitting down and looking at you with so much love in his eyes that if anybody within his work life saw him like this, they wouldn’t believe it.

“So, why here?” You ask, your beautiful smile tinted in red lipstick was all Chuuya could focus on as of now, before returning his gaze to your eyes.

“Just thought for a first date I’d do something special for ya, doll.” He says, stretching his arm out as he props his other elbow up on the other side of the table, returning to place his cheek on there once again.

“I don’t get to do this often, considering my job. So I don’t want you to think I’m all talk and don’t do, y’know?”

At this you giggle, reaching out for his extended arm as you take his hand, your hands meeting and intertwining at the middle of the table.

“I know you’re anything but that, Mr. Nakahara.”

He chuckles, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a kiss on your knuckles, staring at you whilst doing so.

“I knew from the very first moment that you were gonna be mine, and now i have ya.”

@/riiwrites reblogs are always appreciated ❤︎︎

[liyawritesss]

ᖴᒪOᗯEᖇᔕ Iᑎ ᗷᒪOOᗰ - ᐯᗩᒪEᑎTIᑎEᔕ ᗪᖇᗩᗷᗷᒪEᔕ

Ｄａｙ ３ － Ｆｌｏｗｅｒｓ

－ Dandelions - 1610!Miles Morales - Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse

－ In which Miles makes a wish on a dandelion flower he finds peeking out from the schools garden.

－ Check out more prompts and other activities on the Flowers In Bloom Event Masterlist!

Miles remembers the white puffy flowers he’d often see peeking out from the sidewalks in his neighborhood. He remembers the silly myth his parents told him at that tender age, where mystic and wonder was still the core of his innocence. Blow onto a dandelion and make a wish, and it’ll come true so long as you have faith in it.

He’d made many dandelion wishes in his childhood, but this one had to have been the silliest amongst them. He didn’t know which was more embarrassing; the fact that he was making a wish on a dandelion that seemed to survive the winter cold and be the first sign of spring to grace Visions Academy, or the fact that what he had wished for was among the most childish of things he’d ever done.

Yet, here he was, bent down at the knees in front of the school garden, holding the intact dandelion in his hand, twisting it around and examining it, the imagery of his crush sneaking into his mind as he did so. 

It was childish, silly, downright embarrassing what he had wished for, and yet, he still did it. The evidence being the now empty dandelion head and the pieces of white wisp flowing into the cool spring breeze. Perhaps there was an inkling of childish hope in him that wondered if such a wish would come true - if his wish for his crush to notice him would actually come to fruition if he’d manifested the little bit of childhood magic he held onto for times like these, where hope was diminishing and he had no other avenues to turn to.

He didn’t believe it would work. He discarded the empty stem and made his way back to his dorm room afterwards, not thinking much of the subject. His evening was spent doing homework and arguing with Ganke on how to beat the Tetris level he was stuck on. Before the night was over, Miles had forgotten about the dandelion and the wish he made.

Then, the next day, as he was exiting his third period, he was reminded of it when he saw you approach him. It crept up on him like a spider on a wall, the realization coming after a conversation was sparked between the two of you.

“You’re Miles, right? From World History?” You said, and the boy has to remind himself what speaking is and how to do so, his voice coming out high-pitched from his anxiety.

“Y-yeah, yep! That’s me!”

“I knew you looked familiar!” You said with a smile, and Miles feels like he should be dreaming, but the weakness in his knees lets him know he is well awake and struggling against everything in the universe to not make a fool of himself. 

“I know you’re a super science wiz,” you begin, “I’m ashamed to say I’m not as good as most of the kids here are when it comes to STEM.” What? You have a flaw? Impossible, he thinks, as he watches you shift your weight, a hint of nervousness in your voice. “Maybe I can tutor you in history sometime, if you’re willing to give me some pointers for my science class?”

There is nothing in the world that would get Miles to trust his voice after such an encounter; so he nods with a confirming hum to your proposal, and that seems to satisfy you enough, as a triumphant smile graces your lips.

“Great!” You chime, “See you around, Miles!”

The second you turn your back to leave, Miles Morales becomes a puddle of overwhelming emotions, heart thumping like a hammer against a wall, his school uniform suddenly becoming too hot to bear. He just talked to his crush, and didn’t make a complete fool of himself. Maybe that wish was worth something after all.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[zorosleftshoe]

Loveless - (c.b)

Pairing: Colby Brock x Fem!reader

Summary: Colby is always showing up a new girl on his arm. This time? It’s just too much.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst

“Some of us love others badly, love ourselves worse. Some of us love horrid, love beastly, love sick, love anti light. Sometimes the love can’t go home at night, can’t sleep with itself, cannot contain itself, catches fire, destroys the belly, strips buildings, goes missing. Punches. Smashes heirlooms. Tells lies. The best lies.”

It was never supposed to be anything more than a silly crush. You know, that feeling you get when he looks at you and your cheeks flush that bright cherry red that your cousin used to make fun of you for. Or when his hand bumps yours and those damn butterflies start erupting in your stomach? I never meant for it to become this.

I’m sure if anyone looked at me and saw the way my eyes glistened at Colby as his head was thrown back and a deep laugh rumbled through his stomach they would say I was infatuated. Unfortunately for myself, they would be right. I was fucked. It wasn’t a secret that Colby didn’t date. After Shea he built brick walls around his heart that even the most experienced thief couldn’t break in. I spent months chiseling away at brick after brick, begging him to let me have a peek inside, but the walls were sealed and cement was poured.

Days felt like years when I was near him. As if I was constantly being pulled towards him as if we were magnets that were always meant to collide. It was exhausting. Harboring a secret that I knew would destroy our friendship was slowly creeping under my skin and I knew it would only be so long before I caved under the pressure. I feared losing the only stability I had ever known.

So I kept quiet and smiled wide even when he would show up to group hangouts with his arm slung around another girl who was pressed up firmly against his side. Even now, as my mouth was pressed into a tight lipped smile, I could feel my heart breaking as I watched Colby laugh with Amber. Everyone knew they were friends. Much like him and I were. The only difference? I noticed how every so often her hand would glide down his arm and rest atop his for a few moments before gliding back up to his shoulder. I let out a heavy exhale and slumped further into my seat.

“Are you in?” Kat’s voice pulled me out of my negative thoughts and I hummed in response. “We were talking about going to get some burgers later. Were you too busy staring to notice?” Her question fell so effortlessly from her lips that the daggers I shot with my eyes could have pierced her. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards in a devilish smirk at my reaction. “Burgers? Yes? No?”

“If I say yes, will you let me wallow in self-pity for just a bit longer?” At my words, I couldn’t help but notice how Colby glanced towards me. His eyes finally leaving Amber and remembering my existence. He completely detached himself from her grasp and leaned forward to rest his elbows against the table.

“Self-pity? Why?” I shrugged at his response before pulling my sleeves over my knuckles and taking sanctuary in the oversized sweater. His eyebrows furrowed at my silence but he decided it was best to not poke the bear and leaned back to engage with Amber once more.

As the evening progressed the bubbling feeling in my stomach became harder to ignore and the little green monster on my shoulder more and more evident. Every giggle that fell from her rosey red lips. Every graze of the hand. Every stare that lasted a second too long. No matter what it was, my patience was thinning, and fast. The last blow was when Amber leaned in close to his ear and whispered her sweet little nothings. His hand creeped up her thigh and I couldn’t bare to watch any longer.

“Excuse me.” I pushed myself from my spot on the couch where I sat next to Kat who was nuzzled up against Sam while we all watched a few episodes of Stranger Things.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked. Concern lacing his voice. I nodded before glancing quickly over Colby who was now focused on my exit. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Just gotta go to the bathroom.” Sam hummed in response before turning back to the TV. I could hear the soft chatter from the living room with every step I took further and further away. Just as I was about to round the corner into the bathroom I felt a soft tug on my wrist. Before I could protest I was pushed into a dark room. “What the hell?” The light flickered on and I shielded my eyes before looking up to see Colby staring back at me. “Wha-“

“What’s going on? And please don’t lie to me. I’m your best friend. I know when something is up and something is up. Don’t push me away, okay?” He took a few short steps towards me but I took two steps back. “Oky, what’s your deal?” His words began to spark an anger in me. A rage that burned deep below the surface like a volcano waiting to erupt.

“My deal? What ever do you mean?” He moved passed me to sit on the bed but I didn’t dare turn around to look at him. This time I was holding my ground and pushing my feelings to the side. He scoffed at my response.

“You’re being distant. Almost hostile towards me.” At his words I spun on my heels to lock eyes with him.

“I’ll be damned if you pin this on me, Colby.” His demeanor changed at the mention of his full name. From the start of our friendship it was odd for either of us to call the other out of name. Strictly sticking to nicknames or pet names. This coldness I had towards him now was new to him. “I have not been distant. I have been supportive. I have sat on the sidelines and let you have your space while you went on how many dates now?” He cocked his head at me almost stunned by the question.

“Wha?” He paused looking at me with widened eyes. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“How many in the last week?” He thought for a moment before exhaling heavily.

“Four.” He looked up at me with heavy eyelids. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it just does, Colby.” He rose to his feet at the mention of his name and pointed a finger at me.

“Stop with the names. We don’t do that. You know we don’t do that.” I scoffed. “Tell me what the issue really is.” It’s like playing poker. You have the worst hand and you know it’s time to fold. I took two large steps up to him till we were toe to toe.

“You really wanna know?” I watched as he visibly gulped but nodded in response. “I can’t play this game with you anymore.” His face washes over in a sheet of confusion. He truly has no idea what I mean.

“I’m confused now. What game?” He moves his hand to brush a couple strands of hair out of my face and I move away from his touch. “Are you seriously okay, sweetheart?” Before I can stop it a bitter laugh escapes my lips in the form of an exhale.

“This,” I pause motioning between us with a single finger. “I’m not a naive person, Colby. I know your track record when it comes to past girlfriends. I know that if anything I would only ever be another notch in your belt, yet, as foolish as it was, I fell in love with you.” He went to speak but I shook my head. “And I’ve carried this secret with me for months because I know that nothing will ever happen between us. I know that you don’t feel as I do. Because the way I feel about you makes me physically ill. It keeps me up at night. The way I love you is like a poison in my blood slowly killing me but I allow it because if it’s the only way I get to have you, then so be it.” By now the tears were flowing and Colby stood motionless.

“I don’t know what to say.” My eyes closed and I chuckled sadly.

“Honestly, Colby? I didn’t even expect you to.” Without another word I turned on my heels and retreated from the room. I didn’t dare look back in fear if I did I would see Colby standing with my bleeding heart at his feet.

In the weeks that followed I had been radio silent. Kat and Sam had gone out of their way to reach out to me. Even swinging by my apartment to drop off necessities they knew I would need. According to a long and thought out text from Kat, my mother became worried and had reached out to her. If anyone could get me to talk, it would be Kat.

But three weeks and two days wasn’t enough to drown the pain of losing Colby. Not even enough to dull it, make it bearable. Just as I thought I would break the surface and take that breath I so desperately needed, another wave came crashing into me, dragging me further into the abyss.

Most days I wanted to blame him. Blame him for not returning the feelings that had crept up on me but I knew it wasn’t his fault. He swore off love and it didn’t matter who tried to rescue him from the tower and slay the dragon. He was content.

A knock on my door pulled my attention away from the movie playing on the TV. I sighed heavily. The walk to the door felt as if it were miles but as the door opened my heart dropped into my stomach.

“Hey, can we talk?” Colby looked down at his shoes and used the tip of his boot to scuff the floor. “I feel like we’ve had enough time apart to figure shit out.” He motioned passed me as if asking if he could come into my apartment. Hesitantly I opened the door wider and stepped to the side allowing him to move beside me. I followed close behind Colby into the living room and watched as he sat on the couch. For a moment he dropped his head into his hands before rubbing his face and looking up at me. “Will you sit please?”

“What do you want to talk about?” I knew. The hollowness in my chest where my heart had previously been was a clear indicator but I needed to hear him say it.

“Can we please not do this today?” He questioned sadly. “I’ve spent the last three weeks trying to decide time and time again what I wanted to say to you. I still don’t know if I’ve got it right, but I want to give it a shot.” I nodded for him to continue. “For starters, I’m sorry that I didn’t come after you that night. That was my first mistake. Then I started thinking about what you said.” He paused looking down at his hands and fiddling with his fingers.

“We can just forget that it happened.” I wagered. That’s what was best. It’s what we were good at.

“I don’t,” he paused again. “I don’t want to forget it. But, you have to know that I would never love you the way you deserve. I would love you badly. Wrongly.” My chest felt heavy at his words. “That’s not me saying I don’t return your feelings either. I do love you. I just,” he paused shaking his head and looking around the room. “I would mess this up. I can never be the person you’re looking for.” His words angered me.

“Who are you to decide that for me?” He went to speak but I raised my hand. “You make it sound like you don’t want to give me a chance because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me? Well, guess what, Colby? You already did that. Because of you I spent the last three years in fucking armor making sure no one gets close enough to fucking hurt me. Waiting on you! Loving you! You do not get to make the hard decisions for me.” Colby sighed heavily.

“What do you want me to do? You said it yourself. I don’t date. I love you but I don’t make exceptions.” I scoffed angrily.

“Because of Shea?” His shoulders dropped at my words. “Yeah. It always comes back to her doesn’t it?” Colby went to reach for my hand but I rose to my feet. “You should go.”

“Sweetheart-“

“Don’t. Just get out.” Colby groaned before standing up and spinning around to look out the window. “I’m serious, Colby. Get out, now-“

“Would you listen to me?” His voice was rising in volume and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Our expressions mirrored each other, ones of sadness and longing. The tears now rolling freely down both of our faces. “You were there. You saw what loving her did to me. It fucking broke me. When she left I was a shell of the man I once was. It took months, hell, years for me to come back to everyone.”

“Then why are we fighting over this? Why are we wasting each others time?” I could see the frustration in his eyes as he watched me intently. Neither of us moved.

“Because I’m afraid if I walk out that door, this is the last memory I’ll ever have of you.” His words were nothing but a whisper as his eyes pleaded with me. “I’ve lost so many people. I don’t know how to survive losing you.”

“I don’t know how to get passed this.” All of the anger in the room had vanished. It was replaced with an emptiness. A darkness that was slowly enveloping Colby and I. “I’m sorry.” His body began to tremble at my apology and a few seconds later sobs wracked his body. “I’m just sorry.”

“What if we try?” I let out a breathy chuckle and took a seat on the couch.

“Try what?”

“Dating. If it means that you’ll stay, I’ll do it.” I shook my head at his offer.

“Absolutely not, Colby. I’m not forcing you into a relationship you don’t want.” He sat down next to me and took my hands. By now his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot by the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

“No one forces me to do anything.” He used his hands to cup my cheeks and lock eyes with him. “If you want this, I will do it. Because you’re allowed to be happy. And I want you to be happy. More than anything. So please, sweetheart, just give me the word, and I’ll be yours.”

“Colby-“

“I mean it. Please.” I nodded and he let out a sigh of relief before resting his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I really do love you. I have for awhile. I just never thought I could be the man you need. I’m still not sure-“ his words were silenced by my lips against his. He moved one hand to my neck as the other held tighter my jaw holding me in place.

“I love you, Colbs.” I said once we pulled away, desperate for air. He smiled before resting his head against my shoulder.

“I love you, sweetheart. I promise I’ll never let you go.” I sighed happily at his words before looking down at our intwined fingers.

“Think you could hold off on that promise for an hour? I have to make dinner.” Colby chuckled before collapsing onto the couch and turning the TV on.

“Sure. Just know we’ve got three weeks to make up for when you’re done.” If there were one word to describe what I felt looking at him as the TV light illuminated his face it would be magic. Absolute magic.

[shittalkcornstalk]

“Take One For The Team”

Part 5

A/n: Ahhhhhhhhh sad! Maybe I wasn’t in the best mood while writing this, but what’s a good Buggy narrative without a little angst? I really thought with the themes manipulation I have set up it’d be so much more interesting for the reader to be the one to get hurt by it first! Next chapter is juicy! I will keep writing. As always feel free to let me know if I missed a warning or if I didn’t do the taglist correctly :)

Synopsis: Your self respect and public perception make you question all your feelings for your Captain. Were you ever in control of the situation?

Warnings- xfemreader! 18+ minors dni, angst ,manipulation, slut shaming, harassment, kissing without consent, internalized self hatred, alcohol, eventual smut, power dynamics

Word Count ~3.8k

Taglist- @fluffybunnyu @fanshavegottensotoxic

Chapter 5 “An Audience”

The next week in the small town was a rabid mix of fluttering emotions. It was kind of crazy how quick seeing Captain Buggy in this new light made you change. You used to be so cynical and sarcastic, mocking and berating your friends and the Captain. You remember the sick feeling you got when you first learned about his desires but now, it has been replaced with butterflies. It felt like you’d become a different person, like a sappy teenage girl again, and you loathed it. You protested to Alvida as you walked to the ship after a small girl’s outing.

“It’s fine… I’m fine…I’m completely normal about him, it’s just a bit of attraction is all, a little crush.” You said lying through your teeth. You desperately wanted to underplay how bad you’d fallen. You’d been so impersonal around your fellow crew before, you didn’t need to be seen as weak.

Alvida smirked and snickered. “Yes, you are the utmost of grace and composure, you would be perfectly unfazed by the clown if you saw him right now…”

Feigning a classy confidence you turn your nose up “That’s right-”

“Then it really wouldn’t matter if I pointed out that-” Alvida nods over to Buggy.

He was on the deck in combat with Cabaji, training his knife skills. His overcoat and hat we tossed aside. He lunged towards Cabaji with great force. You saw how his muscular arms contracted and tightened with each movement. His eyes were determined and his teeth bared in aggression.You hadn’t seen him with his hair down often, but his long ponytail felt like something out of a romance novel protagonist.This burning attraction welled up in you. It left you stammering. He was far too caught up in the moment to notice you were across the deck gawking at him.

“Aren’t you the poster child of composure, get your jaw up before you embarrass yourself even more…” Alvida nudges you and laughs at your expense.

“What? No! I barely even looked at his…rippling arms..or his firm chest..or his-” You feel yourself lose focus again at the sight of Buggy.

“Gross, for both our’s sake I’ll stop you right there.” Alvida cuts you off. “So you’ve developed some feelings for the Captain, that is well evident, why don’t you do something about it, save me from having to hear this conversation again... You are well aware of the Captain’s opinion of you, so what’s stopping you? What happened to that flirtatious little minx I schemed with a few weeks ago?” Alvida was exhausted hearing the both of you ramble on like kids about silly crushes. Her impatience with Buggy had well hit it’s breaking point and with you it was getting pretty damn close.

“It’s different now that I actually like him” You half-whine. “I’m worried about looking stupid in front of him”

“Have you met the man?” She spoke flatly. “Honey there’s very little you can do to lose that guy’s image of you, look at him-” She points over to show Buggy has managed to accidentally hoist himself up the mast, tied in a rope, dangling around screaming for someone to cut him down. You would’ve mocked him endlessly in the past for this error but right now all you can do is giggle. He looked so goofy up there.

“You might be a bit right- I’m going to go cut him down…” You walk away from Alvida and approach the dangling Captain. He is flailing around trying to dissect his body in a way that would set him free but with little luck. You call out to him as he makes another attempt. “Hey Buggy do you need some help up there?” You chuckle at the sight.

“Gah y/n! I thought you were out for the afternoon…” He sounds so exposed. You weren’t supposed to see this. The rope contracted one more time before his head popped off at the shock of your sudden appearance. It falls down and you manage to catch him before hitting the ground. His head in your hands he looks up at you with a bright red face.

“Are you alright Captain?’ You look down at him, your fingered just slightly nestled in the back of his head, his hair really is soft.

“Yes, very fine y/n, I actually was just doing a safety demonstration for these idiots about tying down any ropes to avoid this very situation-” He puffed, you didn’t buy it for a second, but you weren’t gonna tell him that.

‘How very conscientious of you Captain Buggy” You say with a smile. “Don’t worry I’ll cut you down-” You take his head into one arm tightly and climb up the mast to the rest of Buggy’s body. Buggy is held tightly as you use your free arm to slash through the ropes. If it were up to him he wouldn’t leave this close encounter. His face buried in your chest taking in all your scents, his forehead pressing very conveniently on your soft exposed skin. It was worth making himself look like a fool for just this. You saw his body reconnect as the ropes dropped, his head lingering for just a moment before popping back in at the neck. You hadn’t clocked just how pressed his face was to you until you noticed a bit of smeared paint on your chest. Buggy saw it almost immediately taking a deep breath.

“Sorry Captain, I didn't realize how tightly I was holding on to your head! I hope your makeup didn’t get ruined…”

“Don’t worry about it…” His voice sounded distant, he was lost in his train of impure thoughts.

“Are you feeling okay Captain, it looks like the blood is rushing to your head…” Some concerned crew members called out.

He walks away a bit dazed. “It's definitely rushing somewhere…” He mumbles to himself as he leaves for his private quarters to save himself from further embarrassment.

You stay behind and help clean up some of the loose rope on the ground walking them to a scrap pile. You feel a pat on your back as two crew men laugh openly.

“Thank god you were here to help the Captain yet again- what would we do without you y/n” He speaks jokingly.

“Yeah could you imagine how much pissier he’d be without you around-” The other remarks.

“Mhm, well I try to be a good crewmate when I can be…” You try to wave off some of the mocking energy in the room. You didn’t love what they were implying about you, even if it was a half truth.

“Well keep it up girly, for all our sake…” The two snicker, one pats you a little too low on your back for your liking.

You’d been accustomed to a pirate’s sense of humor at this point. Well aware of how to joke at another's expense. You’ve had Buggy’s men call you all sorts of demeaning names. You’ve been called a bitch, you’ve had shots taken at your appearance, your intelligence, but this felt different. Maybe because it was a little true. You did keep Buggy entertained and he hired you with that in mind. You were eye candy to the man even if you proved to be a good pirate. You had to learn that, but those two men who barely knew you, already were well aware of your role with the captain. They didn't need to hear your private conversations, they didn't need to be one of his trusted right hand men to know. Buggy had marked you as his from the very beginning to everyone else on the crew while you were none the wiser.

The rest of the week made you hyper aware of how the other men looked at your interactions with Buggy. Mumbled whispers and knowing glances were passed around at meals when you sat next to the Captain. You’d never noticed how front and center you were next to Buggy at dinner, until all those knowing eyes sat on you waiting for you to do your job. You didn’t sit next to him after that. You’d planned to confess to the man at the end of the week and you refused to have an audience.

Buggy's crew celebrated the last night on this island before the dreaded expanse of sea with drinking and partying. Many were trying to get their last chance at some action with any woman they ran into. You’d seen this act before and it was always so pitiful. Usually it was an act of desperation, these men wanted a woman's company so bad, but it never seemed to affect you. Sure you had your private room which avoided any awkward scenarios, but Buggy's men never even really fully acknowledged you beyond being a fellow crewmate for reasons you were now well aware of. You plopped down at the Captain’s booth along with a couple familiar faces and some others who you were less acquainted with. Cabaji and Moji were talking together ignoring whatever tirade the captain was going on about. As he saw you get closer he pulled you in a bit.

"You should’ve seen it y/n monsters the size of ships, twice the size even, and your fearless captain was taking them all down with a butter knife no less!” He obviously added some embellishments, but you still laughed along. He continued with these tales of him as a young pirate, no crew with a rinky dink ship. “ I had to go through it all alone, but it was the only way to do it!” He laughs out and slams his empty beer mug on the table. You’d also finished what you'd been drinking in the time it took for him to finish his stories.

"Why don't I freshen us up?” You smile and grab both glasses.

“Sounds great sweetheart!” He pats you on the back roughly taking the wind out your sails. His eyes follow you to the bar. The men around him start mumbling something but you are too far to hear anything. Buggy looks over to you, cups his hand over his mouth leaning into his audience. Whatever he said got a raucous applause from the crewmates and Buggy leaned back to take it all in.

You headed back over with the drinks and sat yourself back down to the captain’s side. He grabs the beer and sloshes it down. He looks at you, face flushed from what you presumed to be the alcohol running through his system, only proving to be more true when he leaned into and you could smell it on him.

“Beers great but it can’t beat the shit I’ve got back on the ship, you’d love it, remind me to let you try it when we get back- hic -” He leans into you more with his arms moving dangerously low on your back.

“Buggy I think you’ve had plenty” You laugh it off. He's been drunker before, but he’s not usually this handsy. You were hoping this would be a sign to slow down.

“Cmon baby- I know my limits! I was just telling the boys here about the deal I scored in that deal at the weapons and ammunition dealer thanks to my lovely girlfriend~” His arm returns to the small of your back holding you tightly to him. You don’t say anything, that joke was supposed to be just for you two, and he’s shared it to the table with hoots and hollers. “I even got you that pretty little pistol…which I don’t think I’ve been properly thanked for..” He slurs his words and looks at you teasingly.

“Thank you Buggy again, it was a very nice gift.” You feel yourself shrinking.

“Aw what was that! I think I’ve earned a little more than a thank you…” His eyes are indirect, they switch from looking at you and the rest of the people surrounding you. He’s waiting for you. “I know exactly how you can show your appreciation” His gaze darkens as his hand tugs at your chin and your lips meet his. It only lasts for a second, but you can taste the beer and face paint on your lips lingering. He looks back at you and smiles wide. “There, that wasn’t too bad right?” The table bursts into laughter except for a couple people. Cabaji and Moji stare silently realizing the plan has gone too far, and Alvida walks from the scene immediately. You sit there motionless.

In front of people this moment was taken from you, something that was supposed to be special and fulfilling was ripped from your control. It was quick and impersonal, maybe that was for the better, playing it up as a joke.It was your first kiss with the captain and it was to serve what? To let everyone know you were there to give him attention. Maybe you were overthinking it , but seeing a crew's worth of men applaud at your little performance did not sit so right with you. Buggy hired you for this. He hired you to eventually have you and you never really took the time to think about those implications. You took advantage of it and now you even started liking it, but it was a role that was laid out for you from the very beginning. Everyone seemed to know that and Buggy soaked it all up. Gripping your waist tight he looked at you with that stupid big smile. You smile back, but you don't want to. You didn't want to cause a scene so you waited in the moment. Taking it all in the eyes of you you feel your breath quicken. Everything you were doing for him was exposed from the start. You played it up, but the captain wasn't the only one who saw your little outfits and heard your flirty voice. All his men saw that and they had well made up their minds about you. You were there to keep Captain happy, and you did. You did your job. Was this it? You hear the crowd die down and rush for the bathroom.

Looking at yourself it felt different, you felt used and cheap. A toy, a tool, a little dog at his beck and call. Were you ever in control of this? Buggy was your captain and he always got what he wanted, it was only a matter of time before he locked you in too. You hear the door open and rush to a stall to hide, a couple of low ranking men walked into laughing about something..laughing at you.

“Buggy better keep that bitch on a tight leash, gold digging skank is probably gonna jump ship if she finds some deeper pockets-”

“I'm just happy she's actually putting out for him. Tramp was teasing the captain for so long it was giving me blue balls!”

“I'm sure she’s keeping captain plenty taken care of, see they were out all day last week, probably held up in some inn.”

“You're probably right she’s been quiet all night, the poor things throat must be sore!”

The men all toss around these accusations and spit out profanities like it was just all agreed upon knowledge. You were a whore, a gold digger, Buggy’s property. You wanted to be somewhere else, you wanted to be anyone else in this moment, Anyone but his… You hear them leave and make your way to the ship after rushing through the crowds of the bar. Buggy and the others celebrated as if nothing happened. You duck your head down to go unnoticed and leave out the door. Nobody seemed to notice, but Buggy did. Buggy could always spot you in a crowded room.

You stumble through the streets a little dazed and drunk. You looked around at the warmth of light in the passing houses, but bypassed them all to the dark and empty ship. Making your way up to your room you slam the door behind you and see the small constraint space. You see your outfit for the next day lined up, it feels all too much like a costume to you, short and tight with Buggy’s colors. You toss it to the floor and look at yourself. Makeup rushes down the sides of your face and you rip off the outfit you were wearing to throw on a nightgown. Folding yourself into your bed you clung to your pillow and cried.About an hour in you hear a knock at your door. You try to calm yourself and clear your throat.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Buggy…why'd you leave so soon doll, the fun was just getting started?” He chuckled a bit, but his sobering voice still held some concern. “Listen if it was that bad of a kiss, just forget it, it was just a silly joke…”

“It wasn’t a joke to me-” You swung the door open to meet his gaze. He sees your face all puffy and stained. This was new for him, seeing you break like this. It made his stomach churn.

Buggy didn’t know how to respond, he could clearly hear some bite behind your words. Were you that disgusted by him? It had to be that. He walked deeper into your room and kept his eye contact. You gulp his closeness, you hate how he makes you feel.

“Look, I get it, I’m an old, ugly, clown. I won’t make any more moves on you, it was stupid to even think I had a chance-” He turns to leave and you grab his wrist.

He gives up on you so easily. What is he playing at? Is this a way to make you pity him? Is this just another way for him to manipulate the situation?

“Stop that shit right now, you can’t play these little games with my head-” You yell out at him panicked.

“Y/n what do you mean by that…” He looks at you.

“Ugh! You should know! You’re the one who hired me to be your little toy. You are the one who got me all those presents to woo me over, you are the one who’s spent all this time making it so I’d fall for you so I could fulfill every little freaky fantasy you have. I really like you Buggy, but it's hard to know if that's how I feel, or how I'm supposed to feel-”

Buggy takes a step back, he wanted you to like him back for so long, but now you do and he's being confronted for it. He’s not good in these types of situations.

“I don’t want to be relegated to just the Captain’s slut, when you kissed me in front of everyone… who was that for? Me or just another way to flaunt your power-”

“Slut…No it wasn’t meant to be like that, I just got caught up in the moment, giving the crew a little performance, but I have wanted to kiss you for so long, it just seemed like the only time I had the balls to do it, you couldn't reject me that way”

“Buggy I wouldn’t have rejected you if you tried any other time, I just wanted it to be special…I wanted it to be private.” You get a bit quieter and lower your head in embarrassment.

Buggy’s eyes widen and he takes a stepforward seeing your apprehension. He sees your eyes are misty when he lifts your head up in your hands. He wants this argument to end, he wants to forgive him like nothing. Maybe he’s blinded by the fact you just admitted you liked him back he asks you quietly.

“Would you say no if I asked you to kiss me again?”

You did want to kiss him again, you wanted this from the moment you had realized your feelings. Your cheek nuzzled into his warm and calloused hand. It was just the two of you; quiet and personal. He was looking at you, not with impatience or hurt, just longing. His face stood still and didn't get any closer to you. You leaned in and your lips hovered over his, feeling his breath against yours. He closed his eyes, but nothing else moved. His lip slightly trembled with desire, he was waiting for you. You sigh and place your lips upon his. It was gentle, your mouth parted slightly as you deepened it for just a moment. You turned your head and locked in.Buggy melted onto you, still letting you take the lead. Your hands traced along his neck and hair. You’d always imagined a kiss with a swashbuckling pirate captain would be this intense clashing of teeth and yet this was different. It was a warmth that enveloped tightly and made you feel safer. You took a step back to see Buggy’s lashes fluttering open, his paint smeared. Your head clears feeling yourself come down from the volatile state you were in. You catch your breath and speak directly.

“Buggy I want you, but I can’t be with you if you only see me as a toy-”

“I've been obsessed with you since the day I met ya, you are so much more than that. I don’t know who let you believe all that shit you were spitting off. Y/n I want you to want me more than anything, but I can’t force you to do anything. When I first met you, you were so bold, you didn’t let me get to you. And all these months you never waivered, you never let anything phase you, why is this happening all of a sudden?”

“It was nobody just a couple of guys-”

“What the fuck where they saying about you to get you like this? Do you know their names? I’ll rip out their tongues talking about you like that.” Buggy is quick to break the comfortable silence in the room with blame that isn't placed on him.

You laugh a little at his reaction, putting your hand on his face. “I didn’t get a look at their faces, I’m sure they were nobodies..” You knew they were on Buggy’s crew and you didn't need that blood on your hands.

Buggy turns again to look at you, he barely even noticed you were only in your nightgown until now. Coincidentally he left the rest of the crew at the bar, the ship was still and silent as you looked into his wandering eyes. You see his breath quicken and hands shake as one rests itself on your waist.

“I’d hate to push my luck for a thir-“

[agent-whiskeys-sweetheart]

Oxytocin (ii)

Pairing: Egon Spengler x F!Reader

Summary: While looking for a new research assistant Egon finds you, a parapsychologist whose always wanted to be a Ghostbuster. Little did you both know that there would be a lot more than research and ghostbusting that would bring the two of you together.

Warnings: Some suspense. Mostly fluff. 

The following weeks seemed to pass quickly and slowly all at once. Everything was such a whirlwind of excitement that time seemed to speed however you also found a way to enjoy every single moment, making it easier to savor your time on the Ghostbusters crew. Each and every team member had a special relationship with you. It was better than you could have dreamt it, exceeding your expectations. 

With Winston, you two were the best of pals. You were always cracking jokes with each other and he was very protective over you. He was like your big brother. Peter warmed up to you pretty quickly and his flirting decreased the longer you were around. It wasn’t long before he had faith in your every word, considering you a colleague and a friend. Ray was like the best friend you never had. He was always such a beam of sunshine in your life. He was so encouraging and really helped to nurture your research. Despite your position as a research assistant, you had become inseparable from the group. 

Then there was Egon. That relationship was something entirely different. It was almost impossible to deny the fact that your attraction to Egon had increased since you had started working there. Despite his outwardly awkward appearance he had quite a way with words. He always knew just what to say to make you smile or blush, whether he knew that part or not. No matter what was going on in the lab, he always had your back. If you wanted to test a theory, he would be all for it. If he needed anything at all, you were his go to person. It was all you could to try not to fall head over heels for him. Seeing him doing what he loved, sharing so much passion for science with you, it was more and more difficult by the day. 

However, you knew the feelings were unrequited. Egon viewed you as a research assistant and only a research assistant. You didn’t dare push your luck on that. It was amazing enough that you got to spend nearly every day with him. You didn’t wanna risk jeopardizing that. Therefore all those thoughts of romance would stay in your mind. 

“Y/N?” Egon’s voice brought you out of your daydreaming. “The PKE meter?” He asked again, pointing to the tool in front of you. 

Snapping out of it you reached for the meter and passed it over to him. “Right, here you go. Sorry about that.” You said shyly. 

“That’s alright.” After another moment of silence he shared a glance with you. “Are you feeling okay? You seem distracted today.” 

“I feel fine, Egon.” You assured him. 

“You know, if I’m working you too hard you can tell me. I know we’ve been going at this research pretty hot and heavy recently. If it’s too much, I can give you more time off. It’s not a problem at all.” Egon said, his concern for you very heartfelt and evident. 

“I appreciate that but I’m fine. I’ve just got something on my mind, that’s all. Nothing big. Just ... life things, you know?” Egon swallowed thickly, knowing that you were getting into feelings territory. Usually during your time in the lab together you discussed science almost exclusively. There wasn’t much time for other topics of discussion with so much to get done. However, he wanted you to feel at ease with him. He couldn’t quite explain it but there was this overwhelming sense to make sure that you were okay at all times. The thought of you in any upset or pain made him feel horrible. 

“You know, if you need to ... talk about anything ... you can talk to me. I want you to consider me ... a friend.” That was all he could manage to which you nodded. Somehow the word friend stung like a sharp slap. You knew you were being silly so you ignored your thoughts. 

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” You continued your work for a moment, not looking up at him. “Same for you.” 

“What?” Egon prompted, not hearing you as he worked. 

“You can talk to me too. If you ever ... need to.” You felt just as awkward as he did but you still meant every word that you said. 

“Thank you, Y/N. I-- well, thank you.” You could tell that your statement had taken him completely aback. From there you both decided it was best to just continue your work. It was business as usual that day. He conducted experiments while you observed and took notes for him. When he was done with one study he would look over your notes, praising you on your work as he always did. 

“This is really wonderful work.” He uttered as he looked over your handwriting. “Just wonderful.” He continued. 

“Well, thank you Dr. Spengler.” With that, he gives you a look. 

“I’m glad you have respect for my title but you know you can call me Egon.” As he said this he didn’t look up from the vat of slime. 

“Yes, I know.” You couldn’t admit to him that the whole reason you called him that in the first place was because just saying it excited you. The fact that he was so highly educated, that he had earned that title. It just made you all the more attracted to him. It was a personal little indulgence. “It’s like you said, I just respect your title.” 

“Well I appreciate that. But you can also respect me as a friend and call me by my name.” At this he turned to crook an eyebrow at you. This was his way of joking with you. Dry and sarcastic. You loved it. 

“I can do that then. Egon.” You said pointedly. 

As you looked over at the clock on the edge on the wall you could see that it was almost the end of business hours which meant he was about to send you home for the day. Not only that but tomorrow was Saturday so you wouldn’t be coming in. The weekends were the worst. You were always so ready to continue working that when you had to stop it was like torture, especially for two whole days. 

As if by clockwork, Egon stretches and gives you a sideways glance. “Well, I think that just about wraps it up for today.” 

“Right. Well, I’ll see you Monday.” Gathering up your bags, you head for the door. Before you can Egon clears his throat. 

“Y/N ... have a good weekend. Try to get some rest.” You nod with a small smile before leaving for the night. Hailing a cab you make your way down to your apartment building, ready for a good night’s sleep. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” When you had picked up the phone you hadn’t bothered to check who it was, too tired to do so. 

“What? Yeah, I can hear you. Who is this?” 

“It’s Egon! I need you to get over here right away. I’ve just made an incredible discovery and I need you in on this.” When you finally turned over to look at the clock you realized that it was 3am. 

“Okay. I’ll meet you at the lab in 20 minutes.”

“Good. I’ll see you then.” He hangs up right after that, leaving you to gather up your things and throw on a change of clothes. 

When you finally arrived at the Firehouse it was almost completely black inside. You felt your way towards the lab, stepping into the lit room and letting your eyes adjust. You were sure you looked a mess but it had sounded like the matter was urgent so you weren’t too worried about that. Egon was standing in front of a door on the far side of the room, beckoning you over. He looked like he hadn’t even gone to bed yet and knowing him, he probably hadn’t. 

Once you had jogged over to where he stood, he escorted you inside the tiny room. It was a darkroom, flooded with red light. Inside you could see that there were a number of pictures clipped up. They were all of the same subject. Vigo the Carpathian. It was a painting at the museum which exhibited high levels of supernatural activity. Egon was fully convinced that this painting was directly connected to the river of slime under the city. You just weren’t sure how yet. You and the others had visited the museum a few weeks back and had taken these pictures while you were there. It looked like Egon was done developing them. You had to admit, that Vigo was one ugly dude. 

“I’m so glad you’re here. Take a look at this.” He steps inside after you, closing the door behind him. He points to the furthest picture and walks you down the line. As you go, the pictures get more and more distorted. Until finally you arrive at the final picture. Vigo’s face was completely different than the original painting and behind him there appears to be a river of the pink ooze that you had discovered. 

“Is that--” You point to the slime and Egon nods enthusiastically. 

“I imagine if we get Ray in on this, he’ll tell us that’s the river of slime he saw under the city.” You study it carefully, pulling out a notepad to begin writing down notes. When Egon sees this, he beams happily. 

“Well this is great! What a discovery. Who knows what this could mean but it feels like we’re just one step closer to the truth.” 

“Exactly!” He exclaims. The two of you turn to one another, all smiles and excitement. Something in the pit of your stomach prompted you to hug him but you decided not to give in to the impulse. As excellent a discovery as this was, you weren’t at the finish line quite yet. 

Extending an arm towards the door, Egon follows you towards the exit. Just then something strange happens. The door doesn’t open. You immediately turn towards him, a concerned look painting your face. You pull on the doorknob again but it still doesn’t budge. 

“Did you lock the door, Egon?” 

“No. It locks from ... the outside.” That’s when both of you come to the same terrifying realization. Putting your shoulder into it you try to force the door open but nothing is happening. Just as you’re about to give up, you both take a whiff of the air. Something was ... burning. Turning around quickly you see that all of the photos have burst into flames. Your eyes widen and you begin shouldering the door again, hoping that some amount of effort will get it to open. As you do so Egon calls out for Ray as loud as he can. You join him, hollering for one of the other Ghostbusters that are in the building. The man beside you takes your arms, rushing you back into the far corner as far away from the fire as possible. He covers your body with his own, protecting you from the growing flames as he holds you close. Fear seizes your mind as you contemplate that this might be the end for the both of you. Something in you tells you to speak up since this may be your last chance to tell him your real feelings. 

“Egon!” You holler over the roaring fire. He looks down at you, fear residing in his eyes as well. You’d never seen him like this before. “I--” Before you can begin to gather your thoughts there is a slamming sound from the other side of the door. You both turn to look, seeing a crack form in the door. Suddenly, just when you think it’s over for you both, the door comes flying off the hinges. Ray is standing on the other side, extending an arm to help you out of the room. Egon pushes you towards the door first, wanting to make sure you get to safety as soon as possible. Once you’re both clear, Ray uses the fire extinguisher he had busted the door open with to douse the fire.

Looking back into the room which was filled with white foam you felt yourself beginning to get choked up. You knew that this would potentially be a dangerous gig, seeing as the whole thing involved catching ghosts for a living. However, you didn’t expect to almost be burned alive. Turning back to the other two, they could tell how shaken you were. You opened your mouth as if to speak but couldn’t. 

“Are you okay?” Egon asked, arms clasping your shoulders. 

“I’m--” You couldn’t hardly gather your thoughts. He knew what was going through your mind since he had just shared the same experience. Pulling you in, Egon nestled you against his chest. Hugging you tightly, he realized that he never wanted to let you go. 

Recognizing the severity of the situation, Ray joined in. Snuggling in on the other side of you, he hugged you tightly as well. The way they both enveloped you eased your mind considerably. It was enough to help you swallow your tears before they could leave your eyes. 

“I’m okay, boys. Thank you, I’m okay.” They back off as you say this, still staying close by in case you should need them. 

“I’m sorry. I had no idea. I never would have brought you here if--” 

“Egon.” You place a hand on his arm, rubbing his bicep with your thumb. “It’s okay. Trust me. We’ll call it an ... occupational hazard.” 

He searches your eyes for some sign of anger but finds nothing. Unable to contain himself he pulls you into him again, hugging you even tighter than before. God, he was so scared. He couldn’t admit to you how truly shaken he was but the thought of losing you had scared him more than anything in his life ever had. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He mutters against your shoulder.

After a moment he finally pulled away, giving you one last longing look. “Ray, I’d like to scan this room with the PKE meter. I just wanna see if there’s still a spike in activity.” The other man nods, going to fetch the tool. As he does so, Egon escorts you over to the couch. You follow him willingly, not complaining about the ability to take a seat after your ordeal. Once you’re sat down he pulls a small drawer out from under the couch, pulling out a blanket and wrapping it around your shoulders. You gladly accept the gesture. Once he knows you’re safe and comfortable he joins Ray in the darkroom.

You sit there for a few minutes watching the two men talk and scan the room. When they come back out they both share a knowing look. “Y/N.” Ray begins. “I think, if you’re up for it, we’d like to keep you here for observation tonight. Just to play it safe.” 

“Observation?” You inquire. 

“Nothing scary.” Egon adds on. “We just want to make sure you’re safe. We’ve got plenty of room upstairs. Not to mention it’s pretty late. Finding a cab at this hour would be a nightmare. Will you stay with us? Just for tonight?” If you hadn’t known any better, you’d think the man was almost desperate to have you stay. Surely not though. He just wanted to make sure his friend didn’t get in harms way.

“Um.” You contemplated for a moment. After all, this was Egon Spengler literally begging you to stay the night with him. How could you pass this opportunity up? “Sure, Egon. Whatever you think.”  

“Good, good.” He says, helping you up. Ray, Egon, and you all made your way out of the lab, shutting the doors and turning off the lights behind you. They lead you up the stairs to the sleeping quarters on the second floor. Peter wasn’t there, staying at his own apartment with Dana. However, with so much work to be done, Egon and Ray had been staying the Firehouse. That meant there was an extra bed for you. The room was bare, only filled with the three beds. All three were already made and you were grateful, nearly ready to pass out. 

“You’ll sleep here.” Egon gestures to the furthest bed. You follow his hand, plopping down on the edge of the bed. The man sits on the bed next closest to you, facing you as his hands rest on his thighs. 

“You know, I’m really okay.” You reassure him, sensing his unease. 

“I just feel so bad. I blame myself.” He replies. You reach out for him, resting a hand on his knee as you scoot closer. 

“Don’t. It’s really alright. I promise it wasn’t your fault.” Egon nods, still not convinced. “Let’s just get some rest, huh?” 

“Alright. I honestly need it.” 

“Me too.” You chuckle. With that you turn over in the bed, laying down. The bed is almost too soft and too comfortable. 

It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep. However, your rest would not be peaceful. Within an hour of passing out, you were plagued with horrible nightmares. You weren’t sure if it was some residual supernatural presence leftover from your little ordeal back to haunt you or if it was just the fear you felt. Whatever it was though had you tossing and turning, nearly in tears with the terror you felt. When you were finally able to wake yourself up, you bolted upright in bed. You were unable to stop the tears from streaming down your face. Rubbing your eyes, you looked around the dark room. You were hardly able to see anything but the one thing you could see was Egon’s outline beside you. For a moment you hesitated. However the fright won out over your silly thoughts of embarrassing yourself. You simply couldn’t sleep like this. Pushing yourself off the edge of the bed you slunk down to the floor, crawling over to Egon’s bed. Placing a hand on his arm, you whispered his name. “Egon. Egon!” 

“Y/N?” He inquired, rousing from his sleep. “Is something wrong?” As soon as he realized it was you he jumped immediately to concern. 

“Yes. I mean, no. I just ... I had a nightmare.” You say, stumbling over your words. “I was wondering--” You cut yourself off, suddenly afraid to ask for what you needed. Noticing your hesitation he sits up in bed, reaching out to grab your forearm in an attempt at comfort. 

“It’s okay. What do you need?” He always knew just what to say.

“Can I lay with you?” You finally ask. His hand tenses lightly on your forearm. Not much but enough that you notice the difference.

“Yes. Of course. Whatever will help you sleep.” You nod in gratitude. Egon begins to scoot over in the bed, making room for you. It was a particularly small bed so you knew it would be a tight fit. You weren’t even sure if it would be worth it but at this point, you had to try. 

Once he’s moved far enough over to make room for you, you stand just long enough to lower yourself down into his bed. You are immediately very aware of his warmth beside you. Stretching out onto your side, you position yourself just right so that your back is pressed against his chest. You expect to feel his hand drape over your side but when you turn to look back at him you see it pinned tightly to his side. With a gentle hand you guide his arm over your waist.

“It’s okay, Egon. I want you to be comfortable.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to touch you in a way you don’t want.” Little did he know just how much you wanted him to touch you. 

“I promise. I don’t mind.” That was all you wanted to say, afraid to give yourself away to him. You both laid there in stiffness for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Should you say good night? Did he want to talk? Or should you just go to sleep? You didn’t know the etiquette for this. Just as you were about to close your eyes, he whispered your name. You turned your head to face him. 

“Yes?” 

“In the darkroom, when the fire started ... you said my name. You said my name like you wanted to tell me something but Ray busted in before you got a chance to finish. What were you going to tell me?” 

God, of course he’d have to ask you that. “I was just going to thank you for being so kind to me. You’ve always been so wonderful and I’m very grateful. I didn’t want us to ... die ... without getting a chance to tell you.” Hopefully that sounded convincing enough to him.

“It’s the least I can do.” He begins. “And frankly, you’re very easy to be kind to.” The two of you lay there in silence but you can practically hear the wheels turning in Egon’s head. There’s something else he wants to say and you would wait forever if you had to. “You’re ... not like anyone I’ve ever met before. From that first interview, I knew I wanted to keep you around. Oh god. That makes it sound like you’re my pet.” You swallow hard at the thought, not sure where he was going with this. “I don’t mean it like that, I just mean I thought you’d make a good addition to the team. I’m very glad that I was right. You’ve been invaluable to me. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself once this is all over.” He admits. You’re speechless. His tone sounded almost like he was confessing something to you. You knew he couldn’t mean it like that but you wished he did. He had just found a faithful friend in you. Nothing more. You knew that. 

However, something he had said did stick out in your mind. ‘When this is all over.’ You hadn’t even begun to think about that. Once your research was complete, what would happen to you? Was he going to let you go? You didn’t even remotely want to think about that possibility so you pushed the thought away from your mind. 

“Thank you, Egon. It’s nice to hear you say that.” You tell him. As you do so you suddenly notice that your hand has found its place resting gently on top of his. You’re so close that you could intertwine your fingers with his. However, you don’t. You just wait there, hoping that he hasn’t noticed. Or if he has, that it doesn’t bother him. It’s silent for a few more moments, the air heavy with your lack of sleep. 

“Good night, Y/N.” He mutters sleepily. 

“Good night, Egon.” You say back before letting your eyes shut, drifting off into a nearly dreamless sleep, much more at peace now. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Light streams in through the window on the far wall of the bedroom. When you wake, you realize you’ve changed positions in the night. Your chest is now pressed against Egon’s, his arms wrapped around your body as he sleeps soundly. In the peace of the morning hours, you can’t help but smile as you rest calmly in his arms. In this moment, there’s nothing wrong in the world. No slime. No Vigo the Carpathian. No near death experiences in sight. Just you and Egon. In bed. Together. You thought you might still be dreaming. 

After an hour, Egon’s eyes started to blink open. It took him a minute to realize what was going on but once he did you couldn’t help but notice the blush that rose to his cheeks. He let go of you, straightening his arms by his side. However, neither of you moved to get out of the bed. Not yet. Just a few more minutes of bliss. 

“Good morning.” You uttered, voice still hoarse with sleep.

“Good morning.” God, Egon’s morning voice was certainly a sound you could get used to. “How did you end up sleeping?” 

“Like a baby.” You say with a smile. “And you?” 

“Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.” He admits. The two of you look into each other’s eyes, getting lost for just a moment. “We probably should get up. I’m sure you’d like to get back home.” Egon says, clearing his throat briefly. You push yourself onto your elbows.

“Yeah. Sounds good.” You finally fling your legs over the edge of the bed, standing to your full height and stretching. Egon does the same. You take in the sight of him as he does, noticing that he slept in his day clothes. You chuckled lightly, wondering what kind of pajamas he wore under normal circumstances. Once you were both good and awake, you headed downstairs. On the way out the door you saw that Ray wasn’t in bed. That must have meant he saw you and Egon when he had woken up. That was surely going to be a pleasant point of discussion this morning. You winced at the thought alone. 

“Would you like some breakfast?” He asks over his shoulder. 

“Breakfast would be great.” You say with a smile. Once you’ve made it into the kitchen area you can see Ray standing at the counter, making himself a bowl of cereal. Here it comes, you think. 

“Good morning, you two. Sleep well?” Ray asks in a seemingly innocent tone. You’re immediately suspicious of him.

“Yeah. Slept really well.” Egon replies, pulling two bowls down from the cabinet. You exchange a glance between the two men. 

“Yeah. I slept well too.” You add. 

“Oh good.” Ray says with a tone of finality before sitting down next to you, bowl still in hand. Huh. Guess he wasn’t going to bring it up. You certainly weren’t complaining. Egon works in the kitchen for a moment and you suddenly remember your manners. 

“Do you need my help with that, Egon?” 

“Oh no, don’t worry. I’ve got it.” Soon enough he’s handing you a bowl of cereal, sitting down on your other side. As he does his knee brushes up against yours and you try not to blush. The three of you eat in silence, enjoying the peaceful moment. After you’ve finished Ray takes your bowl along with his own, piling them in the sink. 

“Thank you.” You say in earnest. 

“Of course.” He says, a bright smile on his face. 

“Well.” Egon begins, wiping off his mouth. “You probably want to get headed home. You’ve had a long night.” You nod. 

“A long night indeed. I think a shower sounds like heaven right about now.” You admit, gathering up your bag and throwing it over your shoulder. The two men escort you towards the main door. When you step outside it is blindingly bright. You shield your eyes with a hand, turning back to thank them. “Well, I appreciate everything you two have done for me. Thanks for keeping me safe. I’ll see you on Monday.” Egon stops you as you start to walk off. 

“Why don’t you take Monday off. I’m afraid I’ve put too much strain on you recently. Especially after last night, you should take a break.” He says. With a smile you step forward and pat his arm. 

“Egon. I will see you on Monday.” With that, you turn around and head for the curb to hail a cab. The man simply stands there and watches you, taking in the sight of you in the morning light. 

“Spengs? Come talk to me.” Ray says, tugging him inside by his shirt sleeve. The two close the doors behind them and you give the Firehouse one last look as you get into your cab. That was the scariest and most exciting night of your life. You could do without the near death experience but it was honestly worth it to sleep in the same bed as Egon. You hoped for more nights like it in the future.

Tags: @localsimpmigraine​ @theespookybitch​ @twinkie-buttercream​ @fizzyfazzy420​ @boneless07​ @holewithinahole​ @spengler-in-a-jar​ @the-hidden-pages​ @the-mechanical-angel​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @egonscalculator​ @sporesmoldsfungus​ @tedesquire​ @killerheelsonadiscodancefloor​ @emeraldborealis​ @bisexual-thoughtss​ @notquitecanon​ @finniestoncrane​ @lonelyridesinecto-one​ ​​@tinyvesselhearts

[puckleberryfinnie]

covey!reader in the quarter quell (the interviews - part one)

wanted to give you guys a little bit of the next section! if I’m being honest, I don’t think the long written type of stuff is for me </3 how would you guys feel about more of a head cannon type of feel? I can definitely continue w this format though, we’ll see<33

summary: you receive a special message from someone and prepare for your interview!

You walked into your luxurious dressing room, expecting a rack of dresses for you to choose from. That’s how it had been throughout your entire tour- dressed up to unimaginable lengths, makeup caked on. Not that you minded, really. You’d always put in an effort of sorts when you had nights out performing with the Covey, though the Capitals luxurious full-coverage makeup was a bit varying from your mom’s old eyeshadow compact.

But this time was different. Walking into your dressing room, there was a singular dress hanging from the closet door. The dress was beautiful; though a bit simple for an event of this magnitude. There were tulle ruffles of varying colors tiered on top of each other for a skirt, and a corset-like bodice to match.

And there was a note laying on a table in front of it, a white rose laid on its side, adjacent to it. You cautiously picked up the note. It read:

Dear Miss Y/n,

I hope this letter finds you well. I enjoy the performance you’ve been putting on recently. I hope you don’t mind the last minute change of plans, but I would like you to choose a song of yours to sing to those in attendance tonight. I'm sure you’ll comply to these wishes, given you’ve been so insistent to do so on prior occasions.

You’ve become somewhat of a beacon of hope to the other tributes- make sure you’re spreading the message that will not leave those in charge in a distasteful situation. I can promise you that it will not end well for you.

I hope you find the dress I picked out to your liking- it was something of a style with your people when I was younger.

Wishing you well in the games this year- as well as you can, in any case

C.S.

You knew President Snow’s name from the stories told in the Covey. The songs still written on yellowed, crinkled music sheets by Miss Lucy Gray told you everything you needed to know about that man. You resented him for what he did to you and the rest of your family. So you picked a song you knew this man would remember. You’d memorized it at this point, as it was your favorite song of Lucy Gray’s. You remember To My Coriolanus had been written in between the lines of music notes- This piece would do just perfectly.

The threat was evident, of course, and you knew his powers well enough to comply to his guidelines. But the Covey could also put a little bit of a twist on anything- even in the face of a challenge.

You pressed your hands against the soft tulle, spinning around as the fabric twirled around you. It was a pretty dress that’s for sure. A little simple, compared to the many extravagant outfits surrounding you, but unique in every sense.

“Y/N, that’s such an certainly a colorful look you’ve got there. I like it,” said a glamoured Peeta leaning against a wall behind you. He gave you a silly smirk, tilting his head, watching you as you stopped your dancing,

“Oh, I mean, wasn’t really my choice, but thank you, Mellark.”

“Guess it’s a comfort to know I’m not the only one who had a something thrown on them without their opinion,” commented Katniss, stepping out from the shadows behind her partner. She, unlike you, had one of the most expensive, beautiful pieces you’d ever seen on- a wedding dress!

“Oh, Katniss, it’s truly-“

Welcome to the 75th’s Hunger Games’ tribute interviews! Be prepared for a night of glamor and drama, people!

You stood up, brushing the skirt once more and giving it a final look before getting into line. It’d be a moment, of course. But you, like everyone else, wanted to be prepared. Wanted to do everything you could with your likely final words to the public. That’s one way all the press training they’d put you through had backfired. You all knew how to work a crowd in any way possible. It made you powerful.

When your name was called, your level of popularity in the Capital was evident. Sure, they had handsome Finnick and love birds to fawn over, but you had something extra to you. You gave them something to grasp onto. Looks could fade, and, love could too, if you were honest. But music and art stayed forever. That showed with your performances.

The looks part couldn’t hurt anything, though, so you smiled as you walked across the stage to Caesar. You gave a wave to the audience, sitting down after giving a little twirl in your dress.

“Wow! Just… wow, darling! You certainly have something quite interesting on, don’t you? It’s lovely to see you, by the way.”

“Oh, same to you, Caesar!” You gave one of those fake giggled of yours, saved for only the situations in which they were necessary. “It certainly is something, I must agree.”

“Well, well, I did hear from a little birdie… that you have a little treat for us tonight… would you please tell us what that might be?”

“Of course! I’ll be singing for you all. Just something I whipped together for everyone tonight!”

The audience erupted with noise. The excitement filled the air quickly. It been a moment since you had sung for them last, and the Capitol was beyond excited. A live performance from you was something many had dreamed of. You stood up, getting closer to the microphone that’d been set up for you.

ok ok there you guys go!! you were just about to start singing but you’ll have to wait a little longer for that😚

to anyone who’s shown support in anyway, I love you soso much. It means so much to me <33

ps: this was briefly released for my birthday last week but I didn’t like it enough yet so if you saw it then- no you didn’t ;)

taglist (❤️🎀):

@randomgurl2326

@marvelescvpe

@h-kitty-world

love ya!!

[gunnrblze]

Someone I knew lost their life in an accident earlier today and it made me think about how spontaneous life is.

I'd like to thank you for taking time out of your day to interact with us, write, and everything else that you do. You're a funny and kind person who has had a positive influence on my life, and I hope I can be there to help you if you ever need it.

I can't thank you enough for what you've done, even if you see it as miniscule. I've learned that the tiniest things can have the biggest impact, and you're evidence of that as I feel you've helped me become more social. You and your blog bring me joy that helps me get out of bed and trudge through college.

I'm always here if you need me, even if I take a while to respond. You're appreciated and loved more than you may know.

Thank you for everything, friend.

Oh my dear, I am so sorry for your loss :( tearing up a little reading all this tbh. I’m so happy you enjoy my silly content and blog so much. The fact that it’s helped you become more social and get through your days makes me feel beyond delighted and grateful.

You are such a sweet and lovely person, my friend. And I am so very thankful for your kindness and support, more than I can express. I enjoy talking and interacting with y’all so much, and I appreciate you and this fandom a ton. Thank you honey. 🩶

[night-chant]

Temporary Trouble, Permanent Promise (MLQC One-Shot)

Hello hello greetings it’s me :) Thank you @krishastumblernow​ for this request! I hope you like it!! It is really refreshing and fun talking about MLQC and Lucien with you :))) He is such an interesting love interest (To this day, I still have no idea what goes on in his mind lool)

Featuring: Lucien x afab reader

Word Count: 3103

Summary: Lucien observed that you were in deep thought again, lost in your own world. Fortunately, he had methods to bring you back into his arms and to ensure that nothing would steal you away from him again.

Warnings: 18+ (minors do not interact please! I beg)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The late afternoon sky was clear and beautiful but why was your mind not feeling the same way?

Last week, Anna and Kiki were snooping into your love life for the umpteenth time ever since they had spotted your frequent visits to the university carrying pastries that they craved so badly. 

“I knew the gardenia bouquet was from Professor Lucien!” Kiki squealed at the occupied vase on your desk. 

You sighed. “Anna, please tell me you don’t take part in office gossip too.”

She managed a sheepish smile. “But how has he been treating you? You've been together for almost a year now. How many dates have you gone on?”

With your mysterious boyfriend, a coincidental encounter often ended up as one. It was kind of hard to link a number with that. Wait, why were you even entertaining Anna’s question?

“What is this, an interrogation?” you asked in a huff, hoping they did not catch the waver in your voice. “It doesn’t matter. We haven’t really gone on one for a while now.”

Anna contemplated that scrap of information. “That makes sense. It is students’ midterm season afterall and who knows what sort of complicated research he could be working on? It was so hard to even arrange a time for him to be our consultant for the next show.”

Kiki pinched your cheek as you wrung a magazine tightly. “Don’t worry! He made time to send flowers for you. I’m sure another date will be set or I’m gonna make sure of it! Maybe some sort of amusement park, the beach or maybe Netflix and chill---”

You bonked her head with the rolled-up magazine. “I thought I gave you enough proposals to draft up to keep you busy, Kiki!”

Anna hastily steered Kiki away before the list could become more inappropriate for a workplace environment. 

“Fine! Fine! Just make sure he is not dating his work instead!” Kiki called back, her last words echoing in your mind.

***

The click of silverware broke the trance and brought you back to the cafe where you sat across from your boyfriend in a secluded table at the corner away from the lively chatter.

“It seems like you have stirred your drink into a little caffeinated whirlpool,” Lucien said, amusement evident across his lips.

Instantly, you dropped the slim spoon, spilling droplets of lukewarm coffee over your fingers. “Ah! Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“First at my lecture and now here. What am I going to do with my silly girl?” Feigning a helpless sigh, Lucien gestured for your hand. His dark bangs hung low as he concentrated on patting a napkin across your skin. 

You scowled. “You mean your 8 o’clock lecture.”

“Hm, perhaps I need to resort to other methods that will keep your eyes on me.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, silencing your grumbling. Lucien’s sensual purple eyes did not break contact with yours as his tongue swiped over the last drop of coffee on your skin.

You drew your hand away before anyone nearby would notice. “H-Hey!”

Lucien let out a chuckle with his smiling eyes. He would snatch every single opportunity he got just to see your face burn pink. It didn’t help how easy it was for him either. No matter how much you prepared for his sudden attacks, he would always manage to surprise you, whether it was when he prepared dinner with you or when he laid beside you in bed. 

Just like the sly fox he was. 

Lucien adjusted the sleeves of his dress shirt before leaning forward. “Well, now that I have your undivided attention, why don’t you tell me what is on your mind, Kris?”

Despite his ever-attentive nature, you weren’t afraid to try to escape, undiscovered. “Nothing worth noting,” you simply said, fidgeting with strands of your hair under his scrutiny. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? I would not consider it ‘nothing’ if it stole your attention from me --- not once but twice today.”

If he stared a moment longer, you might’ve caved in. His dark overcoat hung over his chair but it easily reminded you of his long white lab coat, of his status as a professor, neuroscientist---heck, even as a consultant. They all reminded you of his duties, responsibilities and surely as a result, the inevitable workload. 

Instead, you grabbed your cup and downed the last of your coffee as you hastily shrugged into your coat. “I-It really doesn’t matter. Let’s go home.” 

Studying your every move, Lucien let you put his coat over him and drag him out of the cafe in silence.

***

The bright red and orange leaves swirled through the cool breeze down the streets of Loveland City. The calling geese soared across the sunset toward the direction of the south. The scenery did its best to distract you but it was too late.

Suddenly, a warm hand held yours and you looked up at Lucien, whose eyes were unreadable. You two stopped walking in the middle of the vacant walkway by the river, barely able to hear the calls of the geese that were now so far away so quickly.

“Something is troubling your mind,” Lucien insisted, reaching for your other hand, shielding them both from the frigid air. “I can’t help but seek the answers to your worries.” He managed a tender smile. “Your scowl is endearing but I prefer your lovely smile the most.”

His quiet, pleading eyes were going to be the death of you. You couldn’t help but smile the smile he cherished above all. It encapsulated the innocence that he would do anything to preserve from the crooked world. He was patient, caring, and intelligent. Maybe, just maybe, it would be unreasonable to turn away from his offer of support.

“I’ve been just thinking . . .” you began but trailed off, fidgeting with his hands that were much larger than you own.

“An awful lot, unfortunately.” 

You held your gaze with his. “Y-You’re not dating your work, are you?”

For a long moment, Lucien did not speak. The breeze was tousling his stubbornly straight hair, rustling his long coat, and rippling the waves of the river. His eyes narrowed as he analyzed your expression as if it was a complex thesis.

Then he let out a soft laugh. 

“So you’ve been scowling all day and lost in your thoughts all because you convinced yourself that I am unfaithful to my dear girlfriend?”

Sheepishly, you rubbed your arm. “Now that you phrased it like that, it really does sound silly.” When he tried to suppress his chuckle, you pouted. “Okay, now you’re making fun of me.”

You were about to turn away, but he caught your wrist. 

“Now, now, there’s no need to turn from me. I still need you so.”

“No, you don’t. You need your work more,” you said but you couldn’t stop the small smile forming when he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. 

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, nudging your scarf aside with his chin until his lips had access to your bare skin. You giggled against his insistent kisses, squirming from the cold.

“Although I admit I have been busier than usual,” he mused, “it was to ensure that my weekend is free. My weekends are always reserved for you. I will make time for you no matter what.” He turned you around, the last rays of sunlight gleaming against his deep purple gaze. “However, I can’t read your mind, so you will have to let me know what your heart desires from me.” He leaned close to your ear. “And I will provide whatever way I can.”

You blinked, your senses sharpened at his soothing voice and determined devotion. When you didn’t respond, Lucien caressed your hands again. “Ah, it seems like I have not convinced my silly girl.” Before you could protest, he pulled you along, resuming the interrupted stroll down the waterway. “What shall I ever do with you?”

***

There were wonderful perks of dating your next-door neighbour. It almost felt like you were living together, judging by how often you visited each other for simple domestic reasons. You would drop by to water Lucien’s plants, especially since he had convinced you that they grew vibrantly whenever you were around. He would invite you over for dinner after you two went grocery shopping the day before. Sometimes, you two would share coffee on separate balconies, both leaning on the railing, subconsciously, trying to be close even in the early morning.

Tonight, Lucien triumphed as he proposed to invite you over before you could offer the same yourself. I will beat him next time, you promised to yourself as he motioned you inside. You removed your thick coat, deeply sighing into the comforting warmth of Lucien’s apartment, the scent of cinnamon and lavender wafted to you. You started wandering down the hallway, failing to notice how he was locking the door and flipping the latch over the door frame with his eyes trained on your figure, as if the great big fox finally cornered the oblivious rabbit. 

“I left some lettuce in your fridge yesterday,” you mused as you stretched your arms over your head, realizing how stiff you had gotten because of the filming sessions lately. “Maybe we can start with that for dinner. Mm, what goes well with lettuce?” No answer. “Lucien?”

Unfortunately, your momentarily raised arms left you vulnerable as a strong pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Lucien pressed his nose along the side of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent. This did not seem to be the same Lucien as the one at the walkway. This time, a lingering presence of possession hovered in the air. 

“Wait, Lucien??” You tried to squirm out of his grasp, but it was futile against his strength. He always wore that flowing lab coat, making you forget how much muscle was hidden from plain sight. Although your heart was racing, his warmth was soothing as if determined to alleviate the initial panic. “W-What are you doing?”

You could feel Lucien hum against your exposed skin. His soft hair brushing your cheek as his hands began drifting upwards. “I have drawn my conclusions,” he murmured in your ear. “I know what I shall do with you.”

Lucien’s voice was too close to your sensitive ear. He tightened his embrace when you weakly struggled again. “Are you trying to run away from me? After your accusation of my unfaithfulness?” He sighed. “You are truly cruel.”

“I-Is that what this is all about? I wasn’t! That was not what I meant to do!” you protested as you looked over your shoulder, only to find his amused smile and darkening eyes.

You pouted, frustrated you still fell for it. “Hey, you’re just teasing me! Again!” You were about to call him some creative names but his lips met yours, silencing your train of thought in an instant. 

Little did you know that you had always managed to turn such a tranquil professor into a competitive madman with your unintentional provocations. You still thought he was just teasing you even when his hands were all over your body, from tracing your collarbone to squeezing your inner thighs? He’d make sure you retract your words. As every second passed, the gentleness of the kiss slowly but surely became more passionate and dominating, revealing his inner desire. 

You were beginning to feel light-headed and tugged at his sleeve, hoping to take a very much needed breath of air. However, Lucien was insistent that you learn your lesson for doubting the true extent of his love for you, as nothing was more of a priority than his own queen. He yearned for your lips more than he ever yearned for air. His greedy hands craved to feel you more intimately than your clothes were allowing him.

By the time you were able to successfully push his broad shoulders away to breathe, you realized your back was not pressed against his chest anymore, but on a soft comforter instead. Lucien had discarded his overcoat long ago and he was loosening his tie. The blue moonlight streaming through the translucent curtains emphasized his defined biceps and abdomen as he threw his dress shirt behind him.

Lucien was towering over you on his bed, his arms at both sides of your face and his knee between your thighs. Slowly, he stroked your silky hair from your face. His distinct scent surrounded you, overwhelming your senses as it engulfed your own.

Feeling self-conscious, you tried to turn your head to the side to break the intense stare but his slender index finger halted your meek attempt. 

“There’s no need to be shy anymore,” Lucien murmured. “It is just the two of us.” The lightning of frustration had long vanished from your veins. Your heartbeat echoed in your ears, praying to survive his abundant hunger for you. 

Yet your thighs pressed against his leg, your body was instinctively willing to appease his demands.

Lucien ran his lips across your neck, his soft breath fanning over your sensitive skin. “I love you so much, more than anything,” he whispered. “Why won’t you believe me? What must I do to convince such a stubborn heart?”

You made a feeble attempt to pull your sweater off but to no avail with the position you found yourself in, trapped in your boyfriend’s possessive grasp.

“I don’t hear an answer.” Delight creeped into his voice. “I can’t read minds, silly. Tell me what you desire.”

You couldn’t help but let out a whimper, not knowing you ignited a darker desire deep within Lucien. He was being so unfair. With your glossy eyes and small pout, you said, “Please, help me, Professor. It feels too warm.”

One second, your body felt stuffy in thick cotton. The next second, cool air rushed over your chest and stomach. You gasped, almost missing the sound of ripping from your sweater. Hasty fingers pulled your long skirt and tights off, leaving them to pool below your dangling feet. Lucien pressed his toned chest over yours, shielding you from the autumn chill before it could rob your body of warmth.

“Is that all?” he prompted as you squirmed for any sort of friction but he remained still, awaiting your words.

You whined as you clawed your straps off your shoulders. “It’s still too hot, please, take it all off.”

“As you wish.”

Lucien kissed your shoulder as he unclipped and slipped your bra off, caressing your chest, a bit rougher than expected. You whined again and he couldn’t help but chuckle at your impatience. Yanking your undergarment away, he was about to give you another hungry kiss, but you put your palm over his firm chest. His eyes darkened at your sudden refusal yet his smile indicated he was very much entertained by your trembling movements.

“And what else must I do to win your affections, my dear?” Lucien asked, his steady tone almost couldn’t hide his wild instincts to ravish you completely. Then, he felt your thighs shifting against his dress pants. He let out a chuckle. The ringing of his brass buckle and rustling as he removed the rest of his clothes felt much louder in his usually silent bedroom. 

As Lucien was slowly pushing himself in you, you hummed with pleasure. “Faster, Lucien,” you pleaded. Despite the contrasting size difference, you didn’t care. You wanted all of him now. Your welcoming arms felt so inviting as he was pulled right on top of you suddenly, eliciting a groan from him due to your tightness. You let out a moan as you felt the friction you craved from his steady thrusts.

As Lucien marked you with multiple lovebites over your throat and chest, your fingers ran through his hair, dishevelling it into something that was sin to professionalism. He was panting, his pale complexion becoming rosy as you kept moaning his name, desperate for his full attention.

Satisfied with the dozen marks, he gave you a passionate kiss, his lustful tongue meeting yours. As you sucked on his in such a shy yet nevertheless seductive way, his thrusts against you grew more erratic.

“Ah Lucien~” you mewled, clawing your dainty nails deep into his broad back while your limp legs jolted around with his every thrust. “P-Please more~”

Your constant pleads seemed to paint you into the insatiable one but his quickening, deep thrusts said otherwise. Lucien could not break the kiss and his unyielding embrace around you.

Suddenly, the inevitable tension within you grew impossibly tight until you reached your high, eyes slowly unfocusing. Your raw moans for Lucien were muffled by his deep, eager kisses as he continued thrusting in, extending the euphoric feeling. 

With your remaining strength, you wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist before you rocked yourself against him. A deep rumble arose from his chest. You broke the kiss (much to his dismay) before you pressed your lips against his ear: “I love you so very much, Lucien.”

The gentle sincerity and the purity of your sweet voice squeezed his pounding heart, driving him over the edge. He groaned against the crook of your neck as you felt the thick and warm sensation deep in your core. Slowly, it started to trickle down your thighs as well. 

Neither of you moved from your position as you both gathered your laboured breaths finally. You combed your fingers through Lucien’s hair and he nuzzled against your neck, scattering butterfly kisses across your marked skin. 

“I love you more than you will ever know,” your boyfriend murmured, more to himself. He never told you how deep he had fallen for you. He never registered emotions that were this strong in nature before he had met you again after so many years apart. It felt like he fell into an endless abyss, in the realm of the unknown yet there was a sense of comfort indescribable every time you smiled at him.

You pressed your lips onto his forehead to break his trance before craning over to check the clock. “Are you hungry yet? There is still some time to make a quick dinn---Ah, Lucien!”

Before you could get far, his hand pinned your wrists over your head on the mattress. “Yes,” he said, leering at your confused state. “As a matter of fact, I am still very hungry for someone.” Before you could retort against his unreasonableness, he nipped at your ear. “I have reserved my entire weekend to prove my devotion for you, remember? I don’t want to waste any of it until I have thoroughly convinced you with my evidence.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please take my offer of the second smut I’ve written -- I hope you enjoyed it :))

Masterlist

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies!

Anonymous asked:

Do you have an Ao3 account?

I honestly forgot that I had one because I don’t read or write fics… so it’s just for leaving kudos from time to time when I remember to log in lol

Katsu’s account isn’t as empty as mine though! But Katsu doesn’t write fanfics very often; the one I posted a sketch for yesterday was the first twst one Katsu wrote.

Anonymous asked:

I was looking at Union birthday interviews again, and the deserted island answers spark some really really reallyinteresting scenarios... Stuck in a deserted island without Internet with a guy who now can do whatever he wants with you(r body) 👀👀👀 And you can't even complain because YOU chose him!!!

Truth to be told, I originally thought of this with Lilia/Vil considering how Lilia behaved back in Stitch event, but then I realized it could be so scrumptious with other ships too! Ruggie/Deuce, Kalim/Leona, Jack/Jamil (and these three who picked victims to stuck with on an deserted island: Jack/Epel, Rook/Silver, Ortho/Malleus)

I really love this question, I wish the next bunch of birthday interviews would have more “theoretical scenario” questions like this one. It’s like the characters themselves give us a prompt for a fic or a doujin lol Stuck in a deserted island…together…

Lilia/Vil on a deserted island sounds like a delightful time, but I also don’t know what Lilia did in the Stitch event, so maybe it’s not as delightful as I picture it LOL But all of these combinations are so fun… I think Rook/Silver and Ortho/Malleus are the ones I would love to see the most.

Also, if I remember correctly, Idia went through an entire list of characters before making his pick, the boy ANALYSED IT he is so picky!!

Anonymous asked:

I was rereading Lilia's union birthday card (spoilers now if you haven't watched it— you should!!!) And thinking that his ideal brother being someone who is not "boring or too independent" but more unpredictable and interesting is really silly when it sounds like his ideal "baby brother" is the total opposite of Silver lol 😭 I can't help but think Lilia has been waiting Silver's whole life for him to hit his rebellious phase and start acting out, but Silver remains as adoring and steadfast as ever... I wonder what Silver would think of this lol

OH I remember that one!! It’s funny how pretty much the first thing he said was “well not Vil or Trey”, like why would you even mention them then, Peepaw? So mean lol

It really is very easy to imagine Lilia waiting for Silver to become a little rebel… If he had had a moment of disobedience or brattiness, Lilia would’ve probably secretly be very pleased. It’s like wow! I’m raising a little firecracker. Or maybe it was a pleasant contrast with Malleus: finally, a child that isn’t trying to burn your face out of pettiness lol

Maybe Silver would get confused and/or upset by it… he is trying his best to be the best son for Lilia, and all this time Lilia just wanted more trouble?

Anonymous asked:

do you ever intend to watch cloudcalling on the savanna/tamashina mina? i know you’re not a big fan of leona and leona’s the star of the show, and i honestly can’t say i disagree with your criticisms of book 2 — frankly, if you said it’s the weakest book, the majority of the fandom would agree with you (and idk if you know but there’s a theory that book 2 was originally book 6, bc when the books were being announced before the game’s release, they were largely in order except savanaclaw being 6 instead of 2. which is admittedly not amazing evidence that the order was rearranged way too late in development, but it’d explain why b2 is so rushed and just… bad, and p. much all other advertisement and promotional material for the game since then has been in the current order). however i feel that this event does a lot for leona’s character, and also offers a lot of worldbuilding for the savanna and context for the way he is. almost like an apology for fumbling the bag on book 2 haha. i’m not trying to force you btw and it’s totally fair if you don’t want to or have other things you want to watch first!!! i’m just a faceless blob on the internet and i obviously can’t (and don’t want to!) force you. i just recommend this event, as a resident catboy lover and lion snuggler!! :3

besides that, are there any potential events that you want to see? for example i’d love an event that takes us to the coral sea, briar valley, or even the isle of woe!!

In general, Anon, we would love to watch all the events at some point (or at least the majority of them), but yeah to be honest Tamashina Mina isn’t really in our top-10 when it comes to priority.

Even though it has Lilia, Vil and Kalim, whom we love a lot, and actually learning more about Savanna would be very cool, and the idea of Leona’s character being better written there is inviting, I guess we’re just not in a Leona mood most of the times lol It all boils down to how I just don’t like the way he is written the majority of times. This balance always feels off somehow, and the way he bounces off other characters doesn’t feel as fun, but maybe it’s due to my personal taste and me disliking this type of character in general. I don’t even know how to describe it in a way that makes sense.

But the thing is, Leona has moments that I genuinely enjoy; for example, I love it when he gets called out or when he is stuck in a funny situation. I liked his fighting scene in the Playful Land event (if you know you know, I’m not spoiling it since it’s not out in EN yet) because it shows him being smart and skilled and then adds a punchline on top of it. So it’s not completely impossible even for me have fun with Leona, and I hope this event has moments like this. But we’ll see… eventually.

The theory that Book 2 was originally Book 6 makes sense because it feels super rushed and ���raw” with writing all over the place at times… Honestly, I hope we’ll get some info on it at some point! I doubt we ever will unfortunately, but it would explain a lot. But I’m happy with their order now because we got a lot of stuff from Book 6, which we love so dearly. If Leona had to be sacrificed for it, so be it, we won’t complain lol

THE CORAL SEA EVENT, YES!!! This is the one we are the most excited about, I really hope we’ll get to see it soon! And Briar Valley too of course, and the Isle of Woe since in my head I almost always picture S.T.Y.X. facility, which is so unfair because they have their own (fake) ecosystem underwater, so it’s pretty much Greece-like place!

More events…. more….

It also depends a little bit on the character combo which participates in the event, we clearly have our biases too lol Events with the characters that we strongly ship will most likely get our attention asap. We actually planned on watching the Stitch event back in April, but personal stuff made us delay it for so long that it actually came out in English. We didn’t want to overlap with the Western fanbase, so instead we watched White Rabbit Fest and Ghost Marriage Event or whatever it’s called. The second one is not fully watched though, I’ll mention the reason below. And now I’m not at home so we won’t be able to finish it properly.

What hinders us in most cases is the lack of non-official translations because as soon as the official one is out, nobody is going to bother with translating the event since it doesn’t make sense. But it matters to us :c Same with vignettes, which are even less likely to get translated after their EN release. It ruins the flow of watching TWST by making us constantly looking for videos with the events being unfinished or nobody bothering with the vignettes for the event. It’s a pity, but I understand that it’s a very hard work to translate stuff in general and not to get demotivated by the official translations, because who then needs yours? I NEED!!! Please...

[quillyfied]

Alright, this is mostly a reaction post to Helluva Boss s2e8: Full Moon, but since I’ve watched the episode three times now and have been thinking about it for the better part of the day…more cerebral than a true reaction, I guess. And not chronological, either; this is divided into two sections, Plot and Feels. Please accept this wild spilling of my guts on this, my first episode since I found the show in February. (Obviously spoilers for Full Moon, but also for Hazbin Hotel.)

First things first: for anyone who hated the CHERUB/DHORKS plot this episode specifically because it distracted from the Stolitz trainwreck, you’re valid, but also, this is QUIET UNDERSTATED HUGE BACKGROUND PLOT CALLING, something that’s been building since s1e3: Spring Broken AT LEAST, and it’s MASSIVELY IMPORTANT, OKAY. I am losing my mind over all the foreshadowing and implications here, folks. And that little interaction between Collin and the rest of CHERUB, where they’re trying to justify their actions and he goes “I don’t think that’s how that works.” GET IT BC ACCORDING TO HAZBIN HOTEL NOBODY KNOWS HOW ANYONE GETS INTO HEAVEN. GET IT. GET IT.

ANYWAY.

My ongoing “IMP and Stolas are in deep legal shit” theory, which I need to condense into one post or tag or something to point at bc there’s too much evidence stacked up now to just summarize what I mean, gets not just more fodder in the form of DHORKS giving CHERUB mech suits that LOOK LIKE IMP, but Stolas outright saying Blitzo can now go about his business WITHOUT BREAKING DEMON LAW. We know that there’s a trial of sorts near the end of the season (or I’m guessing it’s at the end; I thought the fight sequence here was going to be during Mastermind so I’m already wrong on that count), we know Stolas appears to be in some real trouble, and now knowing that Blitzo and IMP are operating on Earth under Ozzie’s jurisdiction, there’s now more at stake for their shenanigans to drag Ozzie into some actual legal shit, not just general classist asshattery for dating an imp. From what we can tell from the trailer it seems like post-crystal IMP is at least trying to go more incognito, though all we have to go on is snapshots from Ghostfuckers, but IMP’s general indiscretion is going to backfire very badly on them, on Stolas, and now maybe even on Ozzie, and I am RABID FOR IT OKAY. CONSEQUENCES?? IN MY SILLY DARK MURDER COMEDY??? UNEXPECTED BUT PLEASE DO EXPLORE THEM.

Also, the sheer horror of DHORKS having a PRIEST ARMY?? The fact that they sent some kids through the portal, that they got EVISCERATED by EYED TENTACLES, and they AREN’T EVEN SURE HELL IS WHERE THEY WOUND UP?? JUST POUR THE FERTILIZER ON MY “ROO EXISTS ON A BOTTOM LEVEL OF REALITY SOMEWHERE AND IS GROWING MORE POWERFUL (PROBABLY THANKS TO THE EXTERMINATIONS)” THEORY, IT’S GROWING LIKE WEEDS. And beyond that, even if this scene doesn’t have more cosmic implications (it does look me in my eyes IT DOES), the basic surface-level plot issues that are going to come from a HUMAN ARMY looking to WIPE OUT HELL is bad enough. But this show isn’t Hazbin Hotel. The stakes aren’t going to wind up being that cosmic and fundamental to existence. If the priest army ever actually makes it to Hell, I’ll be very surprised. What will NOT surprise me is Blitzo facing consequences for his recklessness and everyone he dragged into it with him, because surprisingly real consequences for silly shenanigans has really started to become something I expect from this show as it grows, and I am being FED, alright. Also I’m going full Charlie Day with the corkboard now, I’m aware of that, but I need to get all of this out of the way so I can start to examine the blood spatter of my exploded heart thanks to Stolas and Blitzo.

Because Moxxie says that business is going well for them right now. IMP follows Blitzo to make sure he’s not going to fuck up their meal ticket. IMP is making a MESS of downtown Lust because CHERUBS ARE IN HELL. ANGELIC BEINGS ARE IN HELL. AND ALSO YEAH HOW IN HECK DOES CHERUB KNOW ABOUT EXORCISTS?? Thought they were supposed to be a secret in Heaven. So. Throws the timing of this into question, really. Unless Exorcists are a known category of angel, but their exact duties are unknown, which is likely tbh. But again ANGELS IN HELL AND NOT IN PRIDE GOING AFTER SINNERS, BUT IN LUST GOING AFTER HELLBORN. LIKE. THIS SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY BIG DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT ACTUALLY. Y’know. If it wasn’t just cherubs and imps and anybody actually cared outside of the massive property damage. The crystal is already registered to Blitzo at this point, even if he doesn’t have it yet…look I’m gonna be spinning my wheels about this for a while, let me have this.

(…why do they have Mothman in a demonic containment cell.)

(and something with a lot of tentacles)

(how many cryptids are in this place??? LET THEM OUT)

Now where in the several planes of reality did they get an extradimensional portal generator? Like, I know that of all things THIS is probably not gonna get explained and I’m okay with that, but I’m deeply curious about how they developed this technology. Still holding to my theory that Stolas’ summoning of himself might have had something to do with it, but for now it’s unclear.

Also the American-centrism of it all. The layers of fourth-wall sarcasm are STIFLING.

And Collin. I see your continued reluctance and horror. I hope you get your vindication. Though it is interesting that even though he’s clearly scared out of his mind, he does still manage to hurt Loona. He had a clear shot on Blitzo but hesitates. He is dragging his feet every inch he can muster in his Moxxie suit. He can’t even fly like the other two can. Collin is a sore thumb in about every way he can be during this episode. I want that payoff. I want it bad.

You know what else I want bad? An explanation of what Cherub Towne and Heaven in general is really like, if these dweebs don’t know what sex shops or a club is. Sex shop, I kinda get, given their and Vaggie’s reaction to BDMS gear, Heaven being prudish seems like a fair assumption to make. But. Heaven doesn’t have CLUBS? And Adam was OKAY WITH THAT?? Boggles the mind, I tell you. Boggles.

(…maybe it was just a budget issue but I do wonder at how none of the Cherubs had gold blood anywhere. Plenty of bruises, but Moxxie and Millie and Loona all got stabbed, shot, or bruised enough to show plenty of black blood. CHERUB got their asses kicked just as hard, but no gold blood? Could be time and budget issues. Could be…something else. I’ve got my eye on you, Helluva Boss.)

Because I think I’m more or less done now…and it’s time to get to the main event:

I have been purposely avoiding any footage or sound of the duet until this moment. And I am SO GLAD I DID, because When I See Him Tonight is a TREASURE, a MASTER CLASS in both recap and foreshadowing. Because it’s the summary of Everything Wrong Up Until This Point, and a blueprint for How It Will Go Wrong Shortly. Because, I want to point this out up front: nothing that happens in this episode between Blitzo and Stolas is a surprise. Nothing said, nothing done—none of this is a surprise. To us. The audience. The ones not just watching them both go through this, but chewing the plot down to the marrow for meaning, interpreting based on our understanding of the characters and world, extrapolating, iterating, writing so many of our own theories and fics about how this moment would go that the fact that it plays out pretty much true to the tone we were predicting makes it all the more satisfying. Or it does for me, anyway; let me not accidentally speak for more than just myself. Don’t get me wrong, it’s heartbreaking, but it’s such a RELIEF, honestly. It’s a necessary breaking down, burning away what wasn’t working and was actively hurting them both to start the hard work of rebuilding. THIS has been building since s1e1, THIS has been the emotional heart of the show, and watching it reach a breaking point is DELICIOUS.

The buildup is so perfect, too: Blitzo is having a good day. Blitzo NEVER has good days. Blitzo’s good days get dunked straight into the toilet, either because of his own actions or because the universe (or his subconscious) can’t let him have nice things. Juxtapose that with Stolas’ nerves, the knowing that he’s going to do something that will change the nature of their relationship, and while we know it’s necessary, Blitzo making the active choice to ignore the storm he can feel coming in favor of fixing it with sex (GREAT sex, mind, sex that he has every intention of making good for both of them; I want to stress very much that while Stolas and Blitzo are ill-equipped to talk to each other in emotionally vulnerable ways, their sexual compatibility appears to be solid as ever, so good for them)…it just makes Stolas’ anxiety (AND APPARENTLY NOT BEING ON HIS MEDS SOMEONE HELP THIS BIRD MAN) that much more sharp in comparison. It is a perfect teeing up of a golf shot that’s going straight through someone’s windows and causing thousands of dollars in property damage.

…and dear sweet Loona, who isn’t exactly wrong but isn’t exactly right either, pouring gasoline on this situation and activating Blitzo’s already-awakened anxiety about his and Stolas’ relationship is just. Mwah. Perfect. Cherry on top of this shit sundae. The last perfect condition to make this a supercell feels tornado. LET’S DO THIS.

(Side note but exactly how much money did Blitzo spend on his bag of tricks because YOWZA, does he go throwing around a sack about as big as the one he tossed down to his dad full of stolen stuff back in s2e1.)

HEY BLITZO AND FIZZ FRIENDSHIP HANG ON LET ME BASK. Especially at how effortlessly flirty and touchy they are with each other, that’s just a really nice touch for both of them (pun not intended). Also the fact that Blitzo is VERY CONFIDENT that Stolas is into the Dragon Driller 5000 raises some…questions. I will file them along with the questions I have about Stolas’ lack of reaction to getting his leg snapped and then stabbed in Western Energy.

(CLOACA MENTION)

Right off the bat the tension in this scene is unbearable. There’s the real-world tension of having waited for this moment for literal months. There’s the in-universe tension of Stolas being nervous about what he’s about to do. There’s the in-universe tension of Blitzo hoping things just go back to normal and being excited about that. There’s the dramatic irony of the audience knowing this is about to fall to shit and neither of these chuckleheads being fully aware of what exactly the other guy is about to do, compounding with the underlying cracks that they are BOTH feeling in their relationship and are BOTH very insecure about. But there’s a special sort of pain in seeing Blitzo so excited and trying so hard to get Stolas excited too and it just not working, because it’s the exact opposite of their usual dynamic. The script has flipped, for some reason.

For SOME reason. Ha. As if the miscommunication horse wasn’t galloping as fast as she could FROM THE START OF THE EPISODE.

I want to stress here that this mess of a situation that Blitzo and Stolas are in doesn’t have fault or blame in it. Or, rather, it’s a mutually-created tar pit of both of their mistakes and assumptions and hurts. They’re BOTH at fault, they are BOTH to blame, and in a way, neither of them are, either. This is the ugly truth of damage scraping damage: more often than not…it causes MORE damage. Blitzo and Stolas could be really good for each other, but they have to clear away the blockages first, and that can be really painful, especially when Blitzo’s self-hatred and Stolas’ self-hatred causes them both to misinterpret each other in the worst possible ways that reinforces those self-hatreds. The ways that this show hammers home how destructive self-hatred can be is COMING FOR MY ASS, OKAY. I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT IT THAT I’M NOT SURE I CAN REALLY TALK ABOUT IT COHERENTLY.

Look, so many people are going to say it so much better, are going to analyze the ways that Stolas and Blitzo are talking past each other, but saying what they individually need to in order to start that necessary brush fire is what we all knew was coming. Stolitz isn’t going to get together this season, not with how much work they both need to put into themselves first. Blitzo has to want to be better for HIMSELF, not just for Stolas, not just for Loona, not just for all the friends he has and once had. Stolas has to learn who HE is, not as a parent or a husband or a lover, but as a person. The nuanced truth to “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” is “you accept the love you think you deserve,” and right now neither one of these poor bitches is in a place to accept the love they want to give each other. Blitzo isn’t even in a place to acknowledge that what HE feels is love, let alone that what STOLAS feels is love. He’s still in a world where his love spells disaster for everyone close to him. Reconciling with Fizz has started the hard work of dismantling that view of himself, but Blitzo isn’t ready yet, and he needs time to think and process. Stolas is so ready to begin his life at last that it doesn’t occur to him that Blitzo hasn’t been really hearing him or understanding his overtures and teasing (or that his overtures and teasing have often been classist AF, reinforcing Blitzo’s belief in Stolas’ view of him as a toy and not a person). I think given time, maybe what they’ve each been saying to each other in this scene will hit. But in the moment, oh my WORD it's a trash fire, the prophecy of the duet come to pass in glorious HD.

Side note to talk about how it looks like everything in Stolas’ house is covered, as if Stolas is leaving: HEY WTF??? Like on the one hand oh my LORD ABOVE, the parallels of Stolas covering himself up in portraits but leaving Via uncovered to Blitzo scribbling himself out of pictures. On the other hand, WHERE IS HE GOING?? Like. Drop cloths are used to keep the dust off of things when going on a trip, or leaving for a long time, or just not using that wing of the house anymore, but they’re walking through what is directly outside of Stolas’ room (and coming to stop at the very chandelier where they played as children, KILL ME). Why does it feel like Stolas was already leaving even before this rupture? Why is this teaming up with Loona’s observation that Stolas must be getting bored of Blitzo to punch me repeatedly in the gut? And does this have anything to do with the upcoming trial and what very much appears to be Andrealphus about to attack Blitzo and Stolas outside of his house? (I’m now doubting if it was Andrealphus’ house, or if he just froze over Stolas’ palace to take as his own, because the cobblestone pattern looks similar to what’s outside of Stolas’ place and Andrealphus’ Let It Go castle doesn’t appear to have the same in the brief shot we get of it I AM GOING INSANE.)

…I do love, though, how even though Blitzo is aggressive about it, he DOES want to keep talking it out, he just needs time to process. Stolas needs space to grieve, to be hurt without being seen. They’re both seeing it as the other guy just not taking them seriously, not wanting them around, how the FUCK can these two morons want the same thing but be so wrong about each other at the same time (I know, I know why, I watch the show, I’m just in despair right now). I don’t think Apology Tour is going to fix everything, not by a long shot, but if it can get these two to at least understand each other enough to realize that neither of them was actually being rejected…it’s a tall order, Viv, but I believe in your team. And this certainly explains why Stolas would have Bitch Supreme expressions at Blitzo approaching him after this, assuming Short Robe Stolas is in Apology Tour (I am on my hands and knees begging PLEASE); his feelings were mocked, the depths of his misconceptions were revealed, and his boundaries were pushed when he tried to escape. Though why Blitzo is coming for Stolas after this…can’t quite say, but it might have something to do with why IMP is on the run (unless that’s in early Ghostfuckers, which it could be, but hOW LONG IS THAT EPISODE GONNA BE, SAKES ALIVE). Because Blitzo was sexually rebuffed, given a consolation prize after being discarded, and subjected to way too much honesty without any time to prepare or process (or any immediate violence to keep his adrenaline up so he has no choice but to process, or whatever magic happened with Fizz), then dumped after spilling his vitriolic guts in an attempt to talk it out.

THEY. ARE. A. GOD. DAMNED. MESS.

And I am SO looking forward to the cleanup :P

[rinnelovebot]

Reqs openn?? May i request reader taking care of a sick HiMERU :3

A/N: oh my god I looove this prompt .. also sorry for not posting any writing for like three weeks, the writers block demons swallowed me whole for a while there

*ೃ༄ Taking care of a sick HiMERU

⤷ Initially, he refuses to acknowledge that he’s sick in the first place. To the public, at least. He does know that he’s ill, but in order to maintain his sophisticated image as Himeru, he tries his hardest to hide the bright red flush of his cheeks, and he seldom lets a cough escape his lips. It’s troublesome to hide, but he thinks he’s doing a well enough job to keep anyone from becoming suspicious of his paler than usual complexion, or the way he seems to stumble rather than walk.

⤷ As his partner, you just so happen to know him better than most, and you’re immediately put on edge at the sight of his furrowed brows and sweat-sheened forehead. Himeru knows it’s over for him once you gently raise the back of your hand to his forehead, and begin to frown at the head radiating off of his skin. He somewhat expects you to be upset, but more than anything, you feel sympathetic. You didn’t understand why he believed he needed to hide his symptoms — but now that you were aware, you definitely would be sure to take care of him.

⤷ You start off slow and easy, keeping a steady hand on the small of his back to keep him from stumbling over his own feet as the two of you walk back to his dorm. Himeru hesitantly laces an arm around your shoulder, and presses a silent kiss to the shell of your ear, as if to whisper “I’m sorry”. You can only send a reassuring grin his way, making sure that he knows you aren’t upset with him. After all, great feelings of shame and embarrassment definitely won’t help him return back to health whatsoever.

⤷ With tender hands, you carefully guide him into bed, helping him to remove any extra layers of clothing that had contributed to his fever. You feel your heart dully ache within your chest at the sight of him, pale and fragile, as he lays his head back against his pillow. It’s common for the two of you to lie in bed together, but this time, you’d need to sit on the edge of the comforter and monitor Himeru and his symptoms. A daunting task, but one that you’d always be willing to do for your lover.

⤷ Himeru feels a smile dance across his lips as you pamper him, and evidently, he’s grateful — for you, and for the things you do for him. Sickness is no fun, of course, but with you at his side, his symptoms feel more manageable, and he feels himself returning back to normal in no time. He’s never been taken care of in this way, and he feels a little silly, if he’s being honest. But the foreign feeling is a welcome one, and as you cup his cheeks and press cool lips to his warm forehead, he can feel the strength returning to his body, little by little.