#i feel like im in mourning
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ghostlyclementiny · 1 year ago
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I lied about coping normally
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inkskinned · 10 days ago
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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opikiquu · 10 months ago
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onboardsorasora · 4 months ago
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My dash is very sad right now and I get it, it feels like the end. But please understand and appreciate that I do not share the sentiments that this is 'it'.
This is allllll too very fishy and weird and the more I think about it, the more i step away from the emotion of it all. The more I'm sticking to my guns that this isn't over.
This is entirely the media's fault.
They kept badgering him while he was mentally and physically exhausted. If he kept hearing it over and over- we can't blame him for starting to believe it.
Anyhoo. I hope he has a lovely break at home, fills his cup and lets his team deal with holding RBR/VCARB responsible for this shit storm. And when he comes to work in COTA I hope he's tanned and happy and doing the most.
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soulmvtes · 5 months ago
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i always take co-star with a pinch of salt but idk this rly spoke to me rn
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thedeadthree · 7 months ago
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𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐆𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃 ➸ irulanne . the rook .
𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 . 𝐄𝐋𝐅 . 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐄 .
-`. template by @kanos . coloring . icons .
✧ �� 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 (ask to be added or removed or interact 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞!!):
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#oc: irulanne#leg.ocs#leg.edits#*myedits#*ocedit#dragon age rook#da:tv#datv#my necromancer !!!!!!! my baby she’s here!!#teehee the first of the rooks !! so far i have 4 on standby for the fall the brainworms are brainwormingg jnhdkhnsk#spot the lucanne reference hehee twas a must to add something of luca in there he and lanna have had me in a CHOKEHOLD all a week hehe <3#colorings by cavalier remainn ICONIC andd SPEAKING OF WHICH THIS TEMPLATE GOLLY HOLLY#ty tyy orion this template was SOO good *screams* i had SO much fun working with it!!!!!#alsoo the official tarot for necromancers / mages / sidony from inky youll always be loved by MEE.#i am not sure if i want to go too much into her lore yet as its so early but the brainrot is brainrotting and i have SOO many thoughts!!#her history her lore how i see her interacting with the world and the world with her lanna's personality and her dynamic with luca AHHHH#*rattling the bars of my cage* FALL COME SOONER !!#lanna has had the braincell for the week STRAIGHT hdbjh <33#the high stakes tennis match between dragon show and dragon game brainrot hehe <33#ill hopefully have something for them too soooon I MISSED THEMM SO MUCHH#her lighthouse outfit + luca's outfit hehe couples that wear *almost* matching outfits thats soulmates or something (im normal) HEHEE#her name (hopefully the last time i change it djksncks) is inspired by i*rulan from d*une !!#an arcane prodigy entering her girlfailure era <33 girlbossed too close to the sun if u will JNDKJDSN#seemingly puts on an air of confidence but hides BIIIG time nervous wreck energy shes gonna take messing things up well i can feel it :')#i feel like a lot of clothes for her are sort of reminiscent of her time in the mourn watchers? all based on aspects of the dead??#like bones or etc?? but i also love that she could be a lightning learning mage with other magic so she takes to that more ethereal nature#to her style !! she’s also a BIG fan of the opera and was sort of praised as this golden child an arcane prodigy#the gifted kid to burnout adult pipeline she is really feeling it now 🥀🤧#hi hi moots if u read all that i am baking you cookies as we speak THERES SO MUCH MORE LOREE on her i have im screaming she’s everythingg#AHH IT WORKED IT POSTED <33 so so happy i can yell about her now HEHE 🥀💌
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quilleth · 1 month ago
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Listening to vows and vengeance (yeah yeah I'm doing things backwards starting the game first xD) and nothing could have prepared me for Lucanis pretending to be a servant. But also the power of one man with big brown eyes and a soft voice to make you go "yep he's trustworthy" in like 2 seconds flat. I too would take him at his word if he just appeared and happened to know an awful lot about poison. I mean I'd want to know how he knows so much about poison, but it's also Antiva and that seems to be a pretty normal thing there.
And now I'm wondering if poison/ deadly gardens are a common thing there (and my fanfic brain is going "we can make them be :3")
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technicalthinker · 2 days ago
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inspired by this post and others that have pointed similiar things out: the thing about sang-woo hunting the narrative in squid game season 2 is that he does it in two different ways
like first of all: gi-hun takes on the role of sang-woo. he does things that sang-woo did. he brings up the voting, informs about the red light/green light situation, but he also just acts more like him. gi-hun is more subdued than ever, and plays his cards closer to his chest. when his cheery friend from the outside world runs up to him he is not like himself. the friend notices but sticks to his side anyways. towards the end of the season, he gets into the "we need to make sacrifices" mindset. they need to win the game no matter the cost, the idea of winning is just different.
but also: in-ho takes on the role of young-il, who is not only similiar to sang-woo, but he's also sort of who gi-hun wished sang-woo was. intentionally or not. like they're similiar: collected, steady and focused. sort of the same hair and physicality. but young-il is also easier than sang-woo. he opens up about his situation unprompted. he'll apologize for stepping out of line. he states clearly how much he trusts gi-hun. he is the one who initiates teaming up. he asks for gi-huns opinions and plans. when young-il suggests something he checks if it's alright with gi-hun. he risks his life for others, especially the ones considered weak. young-il shares a lot of traits with sang-woo, but ultimately is not burdened or guarded in the same way. so young-il is both a stranger and something familiar to gi-hun. but also young-il is not real. not in the perfect way in-ho tries to present him. beneath it all there is that flawed and cold complicated person. gi-hun hasn't discovered that person yet, like he once discovered that side of sang-woo.
but sang-woo is still dead. he's haunting it in two different ways but also kind of a third one, which is arguably a combination of the two: he's simply a dead man and gi-hun wishes he lived. gi-hun has nightmares about his decapitated head. he looks after sang-woos mother. his money might as well be covered in sang-woo's blood. gi-hun looked up to him and admired him (feeling like he never could be as good as him, but maybe hoped). sang-woo failed and betrayed him, but was still redeemable (there was a good well-meaning person underneath but it was ripped away from him by circumstance). sang-woo was real but now he haunts the narrative and haunts gi-hun and haunts us all. but he's still dead.
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hanzajesthanza · 10 months ago
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andrzej sapkowski in the witcher presents his reader with many curious and refreshing takes on the fantasy genre, such as "what if dragons were good" and "what if elves were incels"
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kimokura · 2 years ago
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i realized i've never drawn majima with two eyes before so i did a little redraw
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moeblob · 2 months ago
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Huevember 11
Karen and Rick but in the DND AU. (I just look at this and think 'Barbie learned eldritch blast' but ya know. Whatever.)
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snowangeldotmp3 · 8 months ago
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once again i am thinking about the tragedy in little women. like in the text itself and in the 2019 movie. how beth has to die. there’s no way around it. all of the girls get to grow up, except beth. beth represents childhood, even if she’s not exactly the youngest, she’s the most childlike—still carrying that doll around and having that inherent goodness about her, that naïveté about her. “beth was the best of us.” beth must die, because she represents their childhood and her death signifies their change into adulthood.
and even then, it’s jo who tries her damndest to stop it. “i’ll stop it. i’ve stopped it before.” “god hasn’t met my will yet. what jo wills shall be done.” jo march will do all that she can, she will fight and kick and scream to keep time from marching on. she will not allow it. she will cling to her childhood, and beth, as long as she possibly can. so in order for her to grow up, beth must die.
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thegreatyin · 7 months ago
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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fruk-choosing-a-username · 3 months ago
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broke: start a new game as a different character when finishing veilguard
woke: get too attached to current rook and instead just make them and the crew in the sims 4
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traaumaa · 4 months ago
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a reason i want to commit suicide is because i want to die while i still have people to mourn me, i want to die before anyone i care about can die because i won't survive the loss of them, death is the ultimate abandonment to me and i don't want it to happen it'll drive me more insane than i already am, i need to die before anyone can, i need to die while i still have people who love me
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queen0fm0nsterz · 1 year ago
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Ended up pirating all of Hazbin for the sake of my younger days (used to be a fan when I was around 14/15, before all the stuff with Viv came out) and I am so surprised by how I felt... nothing for the most part. Like a lot of the show's storylines feel like they was crammed in there with no real pacing. A lot of this should have been season 2 territory, which is a sentiment I've seen echoed around, but also... it feels as if the show is trying to be episodic while also having a long narrative thread, which just doesn't work with just 8 episodes. Especially not when paced like this. So I kinda ended up feeling nothing for the most part. All the events got a "Oh, great, so what?" reaction out of me because there was little to no buildup to most of them.
Sir Pentious was always a fave of mine so I was glad to see they kept him around and, though I think we should have had more episodes with him as a villain, I think how he ended up was fitting for what little of an arc he had. I am livid about what they did to Cherri and Mimzy.
I fucking loved Mimzy, I have no idea why they sent her away -- having someone like her at the Hotel would have been a blast considering how the others are already on the road to redemption. She would have balanced it out by being a regular sinner, someone who doesn't care about redemption and won't probably ever care unless it's in her best interests to. Plus her friendship with Alastor was quite cute, they bounce off of each other very well imo. Plus I could see her have a bit of a conflict with both Charlie and Vaggie because of her ways of acting. I'm so sorry they took that from you girlboss.
And Cherri... dear lord where WAS she? She should have been a lot more present. I used to like her relationship with Angel and I even think Cherrisnake is cute conceptually, but both these relationship had... little to no room to breathe imo.
#hazbin hotel critical#not putting this in the main tag#i wouldnt call myself a fan but i guess i can mourn what could have been#not considering viv and her controversities for a second... the pilot had a very nice feeling to it#that the series was not able to replicate#i think my liking of mimzy should come as a surprise to NO ONE LMAOOOO#i love evil selfish women im sorry ... sue me#we need to save mimzy sir pen and cherribomb from hazbin everyone else can rot#ok in all fairness i will give the show credit for ONE thing#i kind of enjoyed adam and lute as antagonists. adam is insufferable which is awesome#it makes it easy to hate him as a villain. and lute being his right hand woman makes sense#they read like a christian couple (term used loosely) where the man is a misogynistic asshole and the woman just kinda endorses it#which is perfect if you wanna make a critique of heaven and the humans who go in it because they repented or whatever#i always love dumbass villains who are easy to hate (mamoon from helluva being another example of a villain i enjoy)#thats it. thats all i have in terms of compliments#would love to adress the Angel Dust controversy because as a victim of SA (and CSA) myself I think there is nuance to be found in --#-- having a discussion about how we see survivors and how we portray the abuse they endure#i was an unconventional victim too. i kind of see a glimpse of me in Angel which is why I was LIVID when I got the full picture of the --#-- situation. but still
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