#i feel like i don't express my love for isaac enough

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Uh hi! So I know you usually do ship stuff, but I am desperate for some Isaac Henderson angst content. I’ve found a few here and there but most of them aren’t actually super angsty and a lot somehow feel more about the other characters even if they’re meant to be about Isaac. They’re good but nothings really scratched that itch so far. Could you write something using #12 from the angsty dialogue prompts? Or honestly if you’d rather not do that one, any one of the prompts would be great. I’ll leave it up to you what exactly it’s about and who the line is directed at, I just wanna see my fave go through it.

hello!! i'm sorry this took so long! i would like to clarify that i started it ages ago, but it was at less than 1000 words yesterday evening, and then it was finished at 2am last night. (i got so into it i'm currently in the mindset of "that's it, i'm going to try and post at least a fic a week now 😤", but we will see if that actually happens.) so, i hope if nothing else it's sufficiently angsty and not too ooc. you did give me quite a bit of freedom, and it remains unclear if that was a good choice or not 😅 anyway, enjoy!!

12. "Help me."

Post-prom, Isaac felt out of sorts. 

His situation with James and his odd encounter at Elle’s exhibition had been eye-opening, to say the least. Angela Chen’s Ace still resided on his nightstand, though he’d finished reading it two days after lifting it from the library. He couldn’t bring himself to return it just yet; he found himself going back to it at night, rereading sections over again as if they would tell him something new, feeling he was still missing something. And anyway, they were still on summer holidays. The school wouldn’t miss it for now. 

No one seemed to be missing him much, either.

It was becoming more noticeable, this summer break, how he was the odd one out. He’d been aware his friends were essentially coupled off for months now, and Paris had cemented it, but Paris had also kept them stuck together as a group. 

(Plus, most of the Paris trip had been before things had become royally awkward with James, but he was mostly avoiding thinking about all that.)

The situation with Darcy had understandably taken a bit of a priority in the past couple of weeks, but it didn’t explain the shift that had seemed to happen within all his friends since prom. Isaac had figured for a while that Elle would be leaving, and he assumed it was why she and Tao had been attached at the hip. He didn’t begrudge them it, really. He had watched them pine over each other long enough that leaving them this time together felt warranted. Besides, it wasn’t like they were asking Charlie to movie nights recently, either. 

But it also wasn’t likely Charlie was waiting to be asked, these days. He and Nick had seemingly re-entered their honeymoon phase, which was fair given that they finally could be as coupley as they wanted wherever and whenever they wanted. Isaac just found it odd that it seemed to be more since prom than Nick’s coming out, but he was not going to ask about that. It made sense he didn’t want to think about. The intense, somewhat dark cloud that seemed to still hang over Nick around Charlie was more worth questioning, but it was also part of what kept Isaac from encroaching on them recently. 

Everyone seemed to have something going on. His going-ons felt a little unworthy, in comparison. He wasn’t sure if he was feeling shit about himself because he didn’t want to put an extra burden on his friends and it was a bit sad he considered his feelings a burden, or if that was an excuse for not having to talk about it because he didn’t really know how and it was making him feel shit. 

So, yes. Out of sorts. 

Out of sorts and alone, most of the time. 

He was not in the habit of pitying himself, however, and he was not about to start now. So what if he was having some life-defining realisations about himself and he had no one to share them with? He’d coped with life mostly on his own so far and he’d continue to do so. 

And he was coping. Perfectly. 

Kind of. 

Sitting in one of his best friend’s houses, surrounded by their other friends and staring into a book was how he always coped, so this was perfectly normal. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t absorbing the words and everyone seemed louder than usual. He hadn’t been sleeping well. He was tired. That’s all he was feeling. 

Tara tugged at his foot from where she and Darcy were perched on the floor by his armchair. “Isaac, we're gonna play a boardgame. Put the book down and come join us!”

Isaac looked, but Tao and Elle were still wrapped up in each other in the corner and Nick and Charlie were nowhere in sight. He raised an eyebrow at Tara. “We are?”

“Yes! Nick and Charlie are away to get them right now, so come get comfy.”

Darcy snorted. “Good idea, because we could be waiting for a bit.”

Tara slugged her shoulder and Darcy only giggled again. 

“Shouldn't they have passed the honeymoon phase by now?” Isaac asked, lowering his book slightly but not yet closing it. 

“Nick and Charlie?” Tara grinned. “I'm not sure those two will ever come out of it.”

“Well, I can't say I don't understand,” Darcy quipped, leaning in to Tara with a grin. Tara turned towards her, and their smiles melded as they kissed.

Isaac snapped his book closed. “Actually, I think I'll go to the loo while we're waiting.”

No one gave any sign of hearing him, so Isaac slipped quietly out of the room and up to the bathroom. He rolled his eyes at the giggles coming from Charlie's room and didn't pause. Closing the bathroom door behind him, he finally released a sharp breath. He perched himself on the edge of the bath and pulled out his phone.

Instagram was a distraction he did not often indulge in. His follow count was small—only his friends and favourite authors alongside a small cluster of bookstagrammers he'd found to have good taste. He saved a couple of recommendation posts, then began clicking through stories, pausing when he reached James's. 

The story was almost timed out, all of it from last night, seemingly at a party. Isaac had stopped on a video where James appeared to be singing along to the song playing with another boy. In the middle of it, the boy had swooped forward to kiss James on the cheek. 

Isaac stared at James’s delighted expression and something complicated clenched in his chest. He quickly locked the phone and set it beside him, directing his focus to the wall. 

It was good, he rationalised. James was wonderful; he deserved to be going out and having fun, and he deserved, without question, to have a handsome boy having fun with him. Whether they were friends or something more didn't matter, but the something more definitely seemed possible, if not likely. And James deserved someone who could give him that. 

Isaac had not been able to give him that—did not want to give anyone that, could not derive any joy from it, even from the chance of it giving joy to someone else. 

He was not incapable of love. He knew that. When he looked at his family, when he looked at Charlie and Tao and Elle, he was always so full of love he felt he might explode from it. It wasn't romantic, and it wasn't physical, but it was love, in its purest form it seemed, to him, given he did not want anything in return for it but their happiness and their continued place in his life. 

It was love, uncomplicated, unconditional love, and why wouldn't that be enough? 

He never seemed to be enough. 

He always did what he could to be a good son and a good friend, and he had never doubted it until recently. James had been one of those good friends. He still was, as far as Isaac was concerned, but their relationship had undeniably changed. Maybe it was simply in an awkward phase that would pass, but Isaac, at the moment, could not believe it would ever be the same. For a time, James had been something of his best friend—not because Isaac liked him more than Charlie or Tao or Elle, or because he really spent more time with him, but because James was Isaac’s friend in a way they were not. They spent time together, the two of them, and shared interests the two of them, and when they had been together they had not felt the need for any company outside of the two of them. 

But that had not meant the same to James as it had to Isaac, and Isaac could not give him anything more. He understood that his rejection would not be taken without consequence, but he hadn't been prepared to be, in a way, rejected in return. 

Was this all he would ever achieve? Having friends who would always be somewhat distant—who would always have someone closer, someone better—or having someone close who would eventually want that closeness in a way he did not. Before, he'd worried he was not worthy of that want to begin with. Never had he thought it would be his inability to return it that would be the issue. Could he be upset, that it was his not wanting to be too close that lost him all closeness as a result? 

He was alone on an island of his own making. He couldn't blame anyone for leaving him there if he wasn't going to invite them in, could he? 

Was this, then—alone in the bathroom of his best friend's house with his phone locked beside him and tears in his throat—all he was destined for? 

Isaac Island, party of one. 

A knock on the door startled him, and he swore quietly as he knocked his phone onto the tiles. As he picked it up, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and blanched. There were no tears, but his eyes were red and his face was blotchy and the tears were waiting in his throat, they surely would be there if he went back downstairs to—

Another knock.

“One—one minute,” he tried, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. He quickly turned on the tap and ran his hands and wrists under the cool water, but it did nothing to steady his breathing. The thought of his aloneness had choked him, but the thought of returning into company strangled him. It was not his friends’ fault—he refused to make it his friends’ fault—but at the moment, he couldn't bear them all the same. 

He cupped more cold water in his hands and scrubbed it over his face, but it did not shock him out of the spiral of his thoughts. The third knock barely registered over the growing ringing in his ears. 

“Isaac?” Not Charlie, like Isaac had thought. Not Nick either, or Tara, or any of them. “Are you okay? I'd really like to use the loo.”

His island, he thought deliriously, was sinking; he was drowning, and still, he could do nothing but soak his hands under the tap and soak his face in turn and suck in breaths that did not hold enough oxygen. He was drowning, he was sinking, he could not see it but his body felt it and his lungs were going to seize, he was dying—

He cut the knocking off by throwing open the door and gasping, “Help me.”

Isaac had one second to appreciate Tori’s bewildered expression before it turned serious and she took to action. “Isaac? Hey. Look at me.” She set her hands on his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around his middle, still heaving. “I'm assuming you didn't just get diagnosed with asthma,” Tori said, still impossibly calm—perhaps he was actually the sea, he thought, undefinable and raving, and she the island, unravagable. Isaac shook his head. “Alright. I think, then, this is likely a panic attack. Would it help if I get Charlie?”

Isaac shook his head more vigorously. 

To her credit, Tori only considered him for a few seconds, and didn't argue. She guided him back into the bathroom and gently kicked the door closed. “Sit,” she told him. He did, and she crouched in front of him. Immediately, with his knees pulled to his chest and the bath supporting his back, it was better. He was not so adrift. “You're alright. It will pass. I know it's stupid, but you really do just have to focus on breathing.”

She started counting. It was only when she'd repeated the numbers four times that he understood she was telling him how long to breathe in and out for. Then he tried to follow it, and slowly, air felt like it was moving through him regularly again. 

Isaac wiped at his cheek. To his embarrassment, his fingers came away damp. He didn't look at Tori, but he said, “Thank you.” Then, “Sorry.”

She didn't brush off his apology, or tell him to get out now so she could actually use the loo—both of which would have been fair and not unexpected responses. Instead, she turned and sat next to him. She leaned against the bath to his left, a few inches between their shoulders, and stared at the wall quietly with him. 

When his skin stopped vibrating, he tucked his arms around his middle again and breathed out. “How did you know what to do?” he asked. 

She glanced at him and shrugged. “I didn't, really.”

It was all she offered, but it seemed honest. Isaac decided not to push. He was too grateful to care much. 

“Do you want to tell me what it was about?” she asked, softly. 

Isaac looked over at her. She was looking back, unsmiling but not unhappy. She reminded him a lot of Charlie, Isaac had always thought. They seemed similar in ways they likely weren't even aware of. It was both comforting and unnerving. “Do you really want me to?”

Tori shrugged again. “I'd prefer it if you told Charlie or your other friends, because I think that would be more helpful. But I don't think you want to. So you can tell me, if you need to tell someone.”

That was—exactly what Isaac needed, really. He didn't exactly think it should be Tori. They'd known each other a while, and they liked each other well enough, but they weren't friends. Plus, Isaac knew she and Charlie were actually close; it felt weird and unfair to tell her something and then ask her to keep it from him. 

But in this moment, he could not think of a better option, and the mere thought of getting the weight off his chest was a relief. 

“I think I'm going to end up alone,” he said, blunt and ridiculous. Tori, completely fairly, raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Not because I think I'm unlovable or something like that.” Although that was part of it. “But because—” Could he say the actual words? “—I think I'm asexual, and aromantic, so I don't think I'll ever love love anyone, and I think that means I'll always be a bit alone.”

He could. 

It still seemed sad and pathetic when he said it out loud, maybe even more so, but the act of it—the unretractable reality of it—settled something in him. 

Tori's expression, a little confused but free of judgement, only added to that feeling. “So, you don't feel romantic or sexual attraction,” she said slowly. “At all. Is that what you mean?”

Isaac was vaguely impressed. He nodded. 

“When did you figure this out?”

Isaac took a long, heavy breath. “I think, properly, I started to figure it out in Paris, when I realised this guy liked me and I was trying to figure out if I liked him back? But I think I'd been starting to realise it long before then. I just…hadn't known what to call it, or what it meant.”

Tori, he noticed gratefully, took time to process this before nodding. “And now?”

Isaac blinked. “Now?”

“What do you think it means now?”

Oh. Isaac hadn't expected the question, and he found himself unsure of how to answer. “I think it means I'm always going to be lonely.”

Tori tilted her head. “But you didn't think that before.”

“What?”

“You said you don't think you're unlovable. And I agree. I think Charlie loves you a lot. I think most people would, because you are a very nice person. You didn't think of that as less important because it wasn't romantic before. What changed?”

Changed? Nothing. Everything. They were growing up, and love had more meanings when you grew up, and some of those meanings became less important. He looked at the wall again. “They have other people they love more,” he said softly. 

“And you won't ever have that,” Tori returned, equally soft. Not a barb, not a rebuke, nothing negative at all. Just realising; working through it alongside him. “So you think you won't ever be the most important person to someone.”

Isaac swallowed, unable to answer. Not because he didn't know the answer—because it was yes, it was true, she was right, of course she was—but because it was impossible to admit. 

“I think that's the case for most people,” Tori said, at once blunt and thoughtful. Isaac looked back at her, awaiting an explanation. “Think about it. Even the most in love people usually have children, and then their children are the most important people, or at least equally important. And if they have more than one child, no one of them is the most important, and neither of the parents are the most important to the other. I think, instead of having one supremely important person, most people have a group of important people in their life.”

She looked over at him and continued. “There probably are different levels and different kinds of importance, but I don't think that necessarily means one is worth less than the other.”

Isaac sat, for a moment, and absorbed that. Could it be true? He thought of his family. He was lucky, in that scenario. His parents were kind, were wonderful, and he knew without question that they loved him, and he loved them. Neither one of them, he realised, was more important to him than the other. He had different relationships with them both, but each of their losses would leave an equally sized hole in his heart. 

He knew that probably wasn't the same for most people, but if he could find that one example in his own life so easily, he couldn't deny it was possible in others. 

“I suppose,” Isaac said. “I think I know what you mean. I don't think it's the same, but—I know what you mean.”

Tori did smile, now. A barely there thing, but warm and kind, all the same. “It probably isn't the same. I know me saying I love my brothers equally and neither of them are less important doesn't mean anything for your friends treating you the same as their partners, or even other friends. But I think—every relationship is as important as you make it. And sometimes, people might not know they aren't making it important, if they don't know what's important about it to you.”

“Has important stopped sounding like a real word to you, too?” Isaac asked. 

“About six ‘important’s ago,” Tori agreed. 

Isaac laughed, and his relief grew. Tori's smile also grew, just a tick. 

“You're saying I should just talk to my friends,” Isaac noted, eventually, and Tori's smile grew wry. 

“I did say that at the very beginning, yes.” Isaac laughed again, and she shook her head. “But I am saying you should explain to them. I can't promise you're wrong, or tell you everything will be fine,” she said truthfully. “But I don't think you can assume people can't give you what you need, if you don't tell them what that is and let them try.”

Isaac’s chest tightened again, but it was different to the breathless feeling from before. Instead of hopelessness, it was an anticipatory sort of buzz. There was a sureness that hadn't been there before. 

There was a clatter from outside, and this time it was Charlie's voice that called out. “Isaac! Are you still up here? We have the game set up.”

Isaac looked from the door back to Tori. She gave him another smile and nodded. “Go on. I have really needed to pee for about ten minutes now.”

Isaac laughed, again, and got to his feet. Tori passed his phone up to him, and he thanked her once more. He knew she could tell he meant for everything, and she wouldn't appreciate him making more of it, so he took his leave without another word, leaving her to pee in peace. 

Charlie was hovering at the top of the stairs. His face broke into a smile at Isaac’s appearance. “There you are. You've been up here ages.” His smile drooped slightly as Isaac came closer. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Isaac nodded. “Sorry, I got caught talking to Tori.”

“In the bathroom?” Charlie huffed, bewildered but amused. For a moment Isaac pictured Tori's expression when he'd opened the door to her, and he smiled. 

He only hesitated for a second before saying, “I wanted to talk to all of you about something, actually.”

Immediately, Charlie's expression softened. “Yeah?” When Isaac nodded, Charlie smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him towards the staircase. “Come on, then. The game can wait.”

[verystrxxwberry]

MY CANDY LOVE; “Could you hug me?”

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: fluff, MCL routes (all of them), comfort. ↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Well, as promised, here it is the last part with mcl! Sorry if it isn’t the best content, I’ve made this while being sick :’)

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

❖ CASTIEL ;; His eyebrow rises the moment he hears you say that, and you see him hesitate for a few seconds about why you need such a hug. Still, with a neutral expression, he shrugs and says "sure, if you need it". His arm reaches out and invites you into his embrace. Castiel is not very good at comforting, but he cares about you and is worried. His hand rubs your side gently. His scent of strong deodorant, mixed with cologne and tobacco essence is somewhat comforting in a way; it reminds you that it's him. And that he is also allowing you to be in an embrace with him.

❖ NATHANIEL ;; A small smile breaks out on his face when you ask him, plus his cheeks painting in a reddish color. "Oh, does anyone need some cuddles?" He would say in a slightly teasing manner, coming over to wrap his arms around you. He loves having you close and being able to smell your scent. Nathaniel loves to feel the shape of your body against his, caressing your waist, back and shoulders. In fact, it would be on your shoulders where he would take the opportunity to leave some delicate kisses. "Better this way?" he would whisper, while only separating his face to look at you, probably sticking his forehead against yours, keeping his eyes closed and waiting for you to be the one to initiate the separation of the embrace.

❖ LYSANDER ;; Lysander's hugs feel like an event capable of renewing your life towards a better one. The moment you ask him, a concern shows through his eyes, and by a hand on your hip he draws you into his lap. Then he hugs you carefully not to squeeze you too tightly, as if you were a delicate flower. "Is there a specific reason for requesting a hug, my dear?" He would ask, but not even showing discomfort. One of his hands caresses your hair, while holding you close to him, he would even begin to sing some secret soft melody he has composed, trying to get you to relax.

❖ KENTIN ;; The things I would do to bury myself in those pecs.... The proposal makes him quite shy, but his gaze would soften and he would undoubtedly draw you in for a hug. "You don't even have to ask." His grip is firm and warm, while remaining static so you can enjoy every second of the moment. At some point his hand cups your cheek and he plants a small kiss on your lips. "Everything okay?" he would ask you, checking your face down to the smallest detail to see that you are really okay. 

❖ ARMIN ;; The hugs with Armin are spontaneous and crushing, just like those with Alexy. It is very common that while he or you are playing on the computer, he sits you on his lap and hugs you with one or two arms around your waist. But the moment you ask him for a hug while he is in the middle of a game, he doesn't bother to pause the game (unless it costs him sweat and tears) and holds you in his arms. "Do you want to pass this isaac run for me?" he would ask you with a playful tone, as he pulls you to him to invite you into his lap. His way of comforting and cheer you up is to offer you his games for you to enjoy and play while he spreads caresses and kisses all over your back.

❖ RAYAN ;; He would close his book and patpat beside him for you to sit down, then he would put his arm around both your shoulders and draw you in to rest on his chest. "Close your eyes and rest, I'll be here" As he holds the book with one hand, with the other he strokes your head to relax you. He is worried about you, but he prefers give you enough time to organize your thoughts as long as you talk to him about it later. He likes to help you with any issues or overthinking. A pretty and smart brain like yours shouldn't be wasting time on other unnecessary stuff.

❖ HYUN ;; His heart skips a beat the moment you ask him that question, and he nervously starts to laugh. "Oh, how sweet! Of course yes, I couldn't say no to something so adorable." He says as he reaches over to squeeze you for several seconds. He'd mumble a few questions, but generally keep his smile full of love knowing that you've chosen to turn to him when you needed something as comforting as a hug. He loves them!

❖ PRIYA ;; Her presence is already enough to give comfort, imagine her hugs. In addition to the sweet scent of her perfume and the affection of her touch, her soft and low voice in accordance with the environment. Priya also often resorts to hugging you to release stress, asking you in the same way so she can spend a few good minutes cuddling with you. So in the same way, she would take you somewhere private if you are not already, and spend the necessary time snuggling you against her. "You're doing great, honey" she whispers to you from time to time, kissing the top of your head; whether something has happened or not, she wants you to know how proud she is of you.

✩; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you enjoyed it!

[writingduhh]

HIII ok so can you write a sfw fic where reader feels like she can’t properly show her love to Isaac? Like she gets awkward and shy whenever he compliments her and she feels bad for it? SORRY IF THAT DIDNT MAKE SENSE 😭❤️

I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU MEAN DONT EVEN APOLOGIZE 😤😤❤️ Hope you enjoyyy

Isaacwhy || Shy Love

Isaac had a way of making everything seem brighter. His smile was infectious, his laugh could light up a room, and his kind words always made you feel special. But every time he complimented you, you felt a rush of shyness that left you fumbling for words, unable to express how much you appreciated him.

You had met at a mutual friend's party, and from that moment, you and Isaac had been inseparable. He was charismatic and outgoing, while you were quieter, more reserved. Despite your differences, there was an undeniable chemistry between the two of you. Isaac never missed a chance to tell you how beautiful you were, how much he adored your laugh, or how lucky he felt to have you in his life.

Yet, every time he showered you with compliments, you would blush furiously, mind scrambling for the right thing to say. It wasn't that you didn't appreciate his words—you cherished them more than he knew—but you felt this intense pressure to respond perfectly, to show him that you felt the same way. And you always felt like you failed.

One evening, you were sitting on your couch, watching a movie. Isaac had his arm around you, and you nestled comfortably against his side. He turned to you during a quiet moment in the film and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

"You know, you're the most amazing person I've ever met," he said softly, his eyes full of sincerity.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you felt your face heat up. "I... um, thank you," you mumbled, cursing yourself for not finding a better response. Your mind raced, trying to find the words to express how much he meant to you, but all you could manage was a shy smile.

Isaac chuckled, a gentle sound that only made you feel more embarrassed. "Why do you always get so shy when I compliment you?" he asked, his tone light and curious.

You bit your lip, feeling the familiar knot of anxiety in your stomach. "I don't know," you admitted quietly. "I guess I just... I don't know how to respond. I feel like I can't show you how much I care about you properly."

Isaac's expression softened, and he took your hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, you don't need to worry about that," he said gently. "I know you care about me. You don't have to say anything special or do anything grand. Just being with you is enough."

You looked down at your intertwined hands, feeling a mix of relief and guilt. "I just... I feel bad. Like I'm not good enough at showing you how much you mean to me."

Isaac tilted your chin up so you were looking into his eyes. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for," he said firmly. "I love you for who you are, not for how you respond to my compliments. Your presence, your kindness, your smile—those are the things that matter to me."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, and you nodded, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. "I love you too, Isaac," you whispered, finally finding the words that had eluded you for so long.

Isaac's face lit up with a smile, and he pulled you into a warm embrace. "That's all I need to hear," he murmured into your hair. "Just knowing that you feel the same way makes me the happiest guy in the world."

You hugged him tightly, feeling a sense of peace and happiness that you hadn't felt in a long time. In that moment, you realized that love wasn't about saying the right things or doing the right things. It was about being there for each other, accepting each other, and knowing that, no matter what, you were enough just as you were. And with Isaac, you felt more than enough.

[mitsukitsume]

I saw this idea from anonymous confession and wanted to write it out myself. I hope it did it well because English isn't my first language and I don't know how to write that good!.

Pov: He won't let you go.

TW!:  Toxic Isaac Au. Dark themes, suggestive content and toxic possessive Isaac. 

Living with Isaac had been one of your most comfortable and best years of your life. You did not have to worry about anything. Your previous life was the complete opposite. Switching between one problem to another. You could never find yourself at peace. Having faced abuse from a young age even made your love life difficult. You couldn't afford to pay for college either so you had to work minimal pay jobs which barely got you by. You were always left wondering if you'd even be able to eat today.

But all that had changed ever since you met him. Your prince charming saving you from distress. At first you were, obviously unclear of his intentions and were somewhat afraid of him but you realised soon enough that he genuinely wanted to help you. All your life, you had been made feel utterly useless and pathetic. Isaac changed that. He gave you a purpose, strength, courage , a new will to live and enjoy life to the fullest. You wanted the same for him. You wanted him to see more than his work and live life...with you as a team. You wanted him to be free of his past trauma and insecurity. Isaac couldn't resist and fell for you eventually. He softened towards you and you were beyond happy to find a life partner that treated you so well and make sure you were comfortable in every way. It almost all felt like a dream.

But it was not. 

There was always one problem. Going outside. You had always encouraged him to let go of his past and live life without being bound to the chains of his trauma. You understood why he was the way he was. You knew how much of a effect that one event had on his life. You sympathised with him but after all you were also human that craved to be free. You hadn't step a foot outside since his parents anniversary and that was only in the garden too. Whenever you tried to talk with him he'd turn the topic down. You were given everything except freedom. 

Isaac had just returned from Vic's funeral. You two were again having that same talk.

"I'd be happy to keep you locked up in here if that's what it takes."

What? Did you actually hear him right? You knew Isaac was possessive over you but you had no idea it was this much. You were taken a back by his words but quickly gained your composure.

"Isaac, you can't keep me here forever! I want to live a life too.. I know I said I wanted it to be with you but that meant being free together from our past!"

Why couldn't you just understand? It was dangerous for you to be out there. You needed him to protect you. You couldn't live without him. He had already seen proof of that. He won't let you ever slip out his hands again. He had lost everyone in his life but not you...no no no..Only death could separate you two. 

"You are free to do whatever you want pickle. Just not outside."

He said with a serious expression. Isaac was not budging when it came to let you go.

"What's the point of that!? You said we can be free and go outside... together...Isaac I feel like a prisoner here..this can't go on forever."

You told him while slightly raising your  voice at him.

He let out a big sigh before begining to speak again.

"For the last time, we will when the time is right. I can never be too sure. You know how dangerous my work is, yo-.....we..are never safe. I want to keep you protected here"

"I don't need your protection!"

You yelled.

In return , he let out a bitter chuckle. One that was clearly mocking you.

"Don't need my protection? You'd be...dead...if it wasn't for me. I saved you...and I will protect you. You need to admit to yourself that you... can't ever survive on your own." 

You heart ached upon hearing his words thrown against you. All this time...you thought Isaac thought of you as a strong person with courage and determination...but to him you were just a stupid damsel he saved...He thought of you as someone who couldn't survive on their own. He thought you needed him. The worst part of it all.....He wasn't lying.

You knew what the truth was but couldn't never bring yourself to admit it. You always tried to make yourself believe you could live without Isaac. But now hearing the same words you keep pushing away brought tears to your eyes. How could he ever?

"S-So...is..that seriously all you think of me...?

"A fool who can't look after themself!?!"

Tears were starting to blur your vision. It became hard for you to say anything as the lump in your throat became heavier and heavier. 

Isaac again let out a mocking scoff to your exclamation.

"I don't I need to remind you do I? How easy was your life when you were "protecting" yourself? I don't understand possibly why you'd find a reason to leave. I give you everything here..."

"Except freedom that is!"

"You don't NEED freedom! I have given you everything here! There is nothing for you OUTSIDE! My god! Why don't you just understand? It's dangerous! You can't be left alone on your own. You are never safe unless you are here with me. You are NOT  going outside and that's my final word."

You were standing there like a fool with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart. You were more disheartened by Isaac's words than angry. Just as you were about to run to your room, you felt Isaac grab your shoulders to keep a firm but not painful grip on them. You looked up at him with still teary eyes. 

Isaac's heart ached at the sight of tears in his love's eyes. He never wanted to hurt you. He's just trying to protect you! 

"I...I..am..sorry.. listen...I shouldn't have yelled like that...I just wanted you to understand..."

And with that Isaac pulled you into his arms and wrapped his arms around you in a protective embrace. You hesitantly leaned into his touch. He rubbed his hand up and down your back in a soothing manner. You felt your heart rate start to slow down. Even though you were mad at him, you couldn't deny the effect he had on you. Whenever you felt anxious. He was like a drug that calmed you down instantly. Once Isaac felt your calm, he gently pulled you to look into your eyes, your face was stained with a few tears. He leaned down and kissed your lips to which you kissed him back. He looked up again and looked straight into your eyes.

"Don't ever ask to go outside again."

His expression had completely changed. His face darkened with...anger? You couldn't even tell and for the first time in a while,

You were afraid of him...

A few days pass since that, things weren't really he same. You just saw Isaac in a different light . You still loved him to death and would do anything for him, but it was just

... different now. For him, it was still the same. Everything seemed to be okay for him. He knew how you felt and tried his best to make it as comfortable for you as possible.  Weather it be by spending loads of time with you or piling gifts for you. 

It was 7 pm currently. You were washing the dishes after dinner. The sun was just about to set and you looked outside through the glass window to see the beautiful canvas nature had painted. A smile crept to your lips as you saw the scene before you. You finished up your dishes and just as you were about to go, you thought of Isaac. For the past few days, you haven't been the best to him. Giving him the cold shoulder. You made your way into his study. He was there seemingly lost in thought with his work. You smiled and hugged him from behind. He felt your warm embrace and turned his chair around to see you. He smiled up at you. You couldn't help yourself but plant a kiss to his stupidly handsome face. You were suprised he never considered being a model. 

"And how can I serve you today...?"

You chuckled at his attempts of trying to sound formal.

"Hmm...I demand cuddles in my room at 7:20 sharp."

"Sorry...we might have to make a compromise...how about....7:50? I still some work to finish up. I'll be right there okay?"

You nodded and have him a final peck on the lips before leaving and making your way to your own bed. You laid down and made your self comfortable. The curtains were open and the sun had already set. The atmosphere in the room was... calm and relaxing. The light was off and the only source of light was from the window that had faint light from the dark blue sky. You passed some time on your phone until you heard footsteps coming towards your direction. You sat up and waited for the door to open and see Isaac come in. Isaac came in the room with a tired look. You smiled and opened your arms gesturing for to lay down with you. He smiled back and made himself comfortable between your arms.

"Are you tired..?"

You asked him while running your fingers through his silky hair.

"Mhmm..."

You further laid down in the bed and Isaac started to spoon you in his arms. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and planted soft kisses. You wrapped an arm around his shoulder and one in his hair. Isaac made his way down and kissed the sensitive spot right beneath your ear making you let out soft moans. He pulled his head up from his neck and kissed your lips. You reciprocated the kiss and pulled him a bit more closer. He pushed his tongue against your lips seemingly asking for entrance and deepend the kiss. You hadn't gotten any time to be close with Isaac for the past few days so you were both now enjoying this intimate moment to the fullest. You were both lost in the moment until you pulled back to catch your breath. Isaac grabbed the nearby blanket and pulled it over you two...

                                   🕘

The clock had just struck 9 pm. Isaac was fast asleep in your arms. You had just woken up still feeling sore from the previous events. 

Isaac was sleeping beside you. You must have rolled out his arms. You get up to drink a glass of water and fix yourself in mirror. Your mouth felt very dry so you made your way to the kitchen to eat something. It was a comfort knowing you could eat anything, anytime now.

As you were preparing to make something quietly so Isaac doesn't wake up, you noticed the front door and an idea came to your mind...

"Should I go outside?" 

Not too far or anything...just a walk outside...in the garden..just to feel the fresh air...you were tired of seeing the beautiful moon through the glass only. You wanted to see the stars and moon with a clear view...

Isaac is sleeping...he wouldn't know if you just slipped outside for a bit...right?

You took a peak in your shared room with Isaac, he was was fast asleep. You went up to him to make sure and he was sleeping peacefully. You walked back to the living room. You could feel your heart thumping. The front door has a code that you often saw Isaac put in, you had memorized it. You quickly typed in "6250" . It didn't work. You thought you had made a mistake. Again you typed it in carefully. It did not work. For the last time you typed in 6259. And that was wrong as well. You sighed but then your heart dropped as the house started to ring extremely loud like an emergency alarm. It was so loud. Isaac immediately woke up and ran towards the living room where he saw you standing there frozen in shock.

"What's wrong!?" 

He asked in a hurry. 

"I-I...just tried..to..o-open the front d-door.."

Isaac sighed in relief and dialed in a code to turn off the alarm. It had startled you to your core. But what came after was more intimidating. You were now standing Infront of Isaac unable to meet his gaze. 

"What.were.you.doing?"

".... trying to go in the garden..."

"At this time!? And why on earth would you go there in the first place?"

"BECAUSE!...I want to go outside! I am tired of staying indoors! I need fresh air! This is unbelievable Isaac!" 

"Oh my god...why dont you just...! We've already had this talk and I am not having it again with you."

"Yes you are! This can't go on forever! I won't let you control me!"

"Oh? And how are you going to stop me? Please enlighten me."

"I...I am going to leave the house!"

"And how would you do that..? And even if you did..you'd have no chance but to come back to me.."

"If....if...you don't let me leave...I'll...c-call...s-someone...t-the...c-cops.....or anything!" 

He laughed bitterly at your exclamation. Did you seriously not know who you were dealing with..?

"Go on....you have my full permission to. There's nothing they can do...and there's nothing you can do..if I let you go...where the hell would you even go...hmm? Back on the streets? I can take away every penny from your account...and there's nothing you can do. There is no official document..or any contract that says you work for me. You have no home, no one , no money, no education, just me. Someone who wants to keep you safe and cherish you...but you just don't understand that don't you...?"

You were silent or more so silenced. As much as it hurts to admit...he was right. There was nothing you could do. You were now forever dependent on him unless you try to make a career of your own but you know how that ends up. Again, tears started to swell up in your eyes as you realized the gravity of the situation. You felt like the same little child years ago standing Infront their parents feeling helpless and hopeless...

Isaac wiped the tear that escaped from your eyes. You just didn't know how to react...weather to push him away or lean into him. A million things were going into your mind right now. 

" There's no need to cry...that's the last thing I want pickle..."

He didn't understand why it was such a big deal for you. You were getting everything here so why outside? The more you wanted to go outside...the more he wanted to keep you with him. It had to be that way. He can't and won't lose you. Isaac hesitatently opened his arms to hug you. He pulled you into his arms and ran his hand up and down your back to sooth you.

"Please ..calm down.. try to understand...I just want to protect you.."

Isaac said to you although it seemed like he was reassuring himself more than he was reassuring you. You didn't push him away or protest. For some reason, even this man treated you like a pet or value able to keep rather than a human, you still loved him. You just couldn't help yourself. No matter what happens you always found yourself wanting to be in his arms. Being treated so harshly by other people all your life had left a big negative impact on you. The way others pushed you away but he held you closer...the way they used you and discarded you...while he was always there. You loved him despite it all. Maybe Isaac was initially right...maybe you do in fact have Stockholm syndrome. You didn't want to leave Isaac but also didn't want to continue life as it was. But going but your old life was nothing less than a nightmare. You held onto him a bit tighter. He carried you back to bed and you fell asleep still tired from the events that had just occurred.

This was your new life now. And you just have to accept it. No matter what.

[literary-motif]

Time Stands Still

Isaac Rhoades x Reader

Warnings: insomnia, talk of guns

Isaac suffers from insomnia.

Your heartfelt chuckle sounded through the bedroom unprompted, the vibrations of your chest reverberating against Isaac’s side. “I just remembered what I dreamed about last night,” you said, smiling to yourself. 

Isaac hummed, burying his nose in your hair and inhaling your unmistakable scent. The comfort you gave him made his heart ache, and he could no longer imagine lying in this bed, living in this house without you by his side. “Oh?” he answered in a breath, curious to hear about your dream.

“Well, I was lying in bed with you, but it was somehow made of clouds,” you answered, tilting your head to look up at him and shooting him a beaming smile, “and we were floating over the city until we somehow reached England. Then we got dinner at the Rizz and took a walk in St. James Park. You fell asleep on my chest on the way back to the States while I looked at the stars.” 

The description of your dream made Isaac smile, but it was accompanied by the hollow feeling that much time would pass until he would be comfortable enough to take you out, let alone to London. Too much could happen. Too many people — enemies he’d made — could rip you away from him in an instant, and he knew he would not survive losing you.

“It’s silly, I know,” you said, nuzzling your face into his neck and peppering kisses along his jaw in the way you knew made him melt. “What did you dream about?” you asked absentmindedly, ready to have Isaac tell you about something absurd, like making a three-course meal out of pickles and uncooked pasta. 

He sighed, unraveling under your lips and allowing himself to relax into your touch. “I don’t remember,” he said honestly, noting your grunt of disapproval. “It’s better that way,” he added under his breath, something about the softness of the moment unwrapping the many layers of secrecy he kept around himself at all times. He had told you he trusted you countless times, but he was still working on showing it to you. 

Isaac’s admission made your ears perk up, halting you mid-kiss for a moment. Patiently, you waited for him to continue.

Taking a deep breath, Isaac fought the instinct to draw up his walls again and tense. He trusted you, he did, but being vulnerable was still a novelty to him and no matter how much he wanted to lay his should bare before you, he could was still not entirely comfortable doing so.

“When I do sleep, my dreams are always nightmares. I don’t remember any other,” he admitted softly, keeping his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he felt you raise your head, undoubtedly looking at him with a compassionate expression, “I’ve grown used to them, so don't start worrying.”

“Look at me,” you whispered, and his eyes flickered down to meet yours. “I’m sorry,” you said, caressing his cheek tenderly and leaning up to place a kiss against his lips. You wanted to comfort him, but were not sure how to go about it as he looked back at you with slight amusement in his eyes.

“It’s fine,” he murmured, running his fingers through your hair and scratching slightly against your scalp, knowing how much you liked it. “They don't bother me.” You relaxed against him, sinking deeper into his chest as his gentle touch chased away all the tension in your body.

“This feels nice,” you mumbled, shifting the covers around you to make sure they were wrapped around Isaac as well before closing your eyes, surrendering to the increasing pull of sleep. You were exhausted. The work as a private investigator, while thrilling, was also draining and extremely stressful.

On the edge of sleep, you heard Isaac’s soft voice, whispering into the secure darkness of your shared bedroom, “Now I have you to chase away my nightmares. Good night, I love you.” The brush of his lips on your forehead was the last thing you felt before drifting off to sleep, leaving Isaac behind in the realm of waking.

He couldn’t sleep. Of course he couldn't.

There was never a specific reason for it, he just couldn’t, and it was extremely aggravating to have Asirel take a single glance at the dark shadows beneath his eyes and ‘tsk’ him, commanding him to take better care of himself or else. As if he wasn’t trying to. 

As if he hadn’t tried everything already and then some to fight off whatever spell of wakefulness was put on him as the world around him slept. It wasn’t fair, but he had resigned himself to his fate long ago after one too many times of trying whispered remedies and magic cures that were supposed to work without fail, trust me.

They never did, and he was tired of searching for them, instead keeping his tired eyes open, staring into the darkness surrounding him until the first rays of the golden morning sun illuminated the bedroom, his thoughts going haywire through the silent night. 

After lying in bed for one, two hours, he used to get up and just return to his study to work through the dull paperwork he had put off during the day with the quiet hope that it would bore him enough to fall asleep at his desk late at night. He never managed to fall asleep, but at least he got some work done.

That had become impossible to do since you began sharing his bed, using him as a pillow to keep your own nightmares at bay. You had told him that his presence made you feel safe, that the sound of his heartbeat calmed you down, and that the feeling of his arms around you had a fuzzy feeling settling in your chest, making you feel warm. He did not dare to shift away, nor loosen his secure embrace around you. 

No, you were much too precious for him to let go of.

It did not help that in the dead of night, every strange noise sounded more threatening to his sleep-deprived brain than it would have been during the day. Everything felt like a threat, an imminent attack. Isaac perked up at every little noise come three o’clock in the morning, too tired to keep up the reasoning that his house was safe. He had bulletproof glass, for god’s sake. 

That did not convince him though, and he spent every moment listening, waiting for the tell-tale sound of someone picking the high-security lock or smashing the windows that would halt a bullet in its path, breaking into his home. What would he do?

How fast could the intruders ascend the stairs? How much time would he have to reach for the gun in his bedside drawer? What if he didn’t notice? What if they were just too quiet for him to realize what was going on, understanding only dawning when they swung open the bedroom door? How much time would it take for him to push you away from the path of a flying bullet? He would fail. 

The thought made him shiver, arms tightening around you. Isaac inhaled deeply, counting the seconds before exhaling, hoping that you could not feel his heart hammering almost painfully against his ribcage. Slowly, adamant not to wake you, he reached toward the bedside table, needing to check the security cameras. 

He would spend hours staring at the screen, needing to be certain that there was nobody there, needing to make sure that you were safe with him.

In the morning, you awoke to Isaac’s arms still wrapped around you, the display showing the security cameras resting in his limp hand. You could not help but sigh, placing it back on the bedside table and intertwining your fingers with his instead. 

Not daring to get up, lest you should wake him from the sleep he so rarely got, you settled on gazing at his expression. Isaac’s brows were furrowed, evidence of the nightmare plaguing him, and you traced a feather-light touch across his brow to smooth out his frown. 

Seeing the shadows on his face made your heart ache, wishing he could catch at least a few hours of precious, restful sleep. You shifted slowly, placing a soft kiss under his tired eyes. "I wish I truly could chase away your nightmares," you whispered.

[cycat4077]

Going off of the question raised by @sunset-bobby, here's my wild guess at Hetty's ghost power...

I think it has something to do with healing, maybe even affecting livings (?)

Why? Well:

Hetty is the lady of the house. It would be fitting if she had the most powerful ghost ability.

She spent her whole life and afterlife feeling as though she failed as a mother. We saw her express her desire to be like a mother to Sam and she confessed her insecurities during Holes Are Bad.

She is often portrayed as selfish, but if Hetty wasn't shaped by the society she lived in and her circumstances, I think she would have been a more selfless person. (i.e., if she chose love over money all those years ago). So, having a ghost power that would allow her to care for others would help put her on a path of redemption.

Similarly, she helped run that whole chîld labør thing, often coldly retelling factory accidents to the rest of the ghosts. Being able to atone for that part of her life through helping and healing others would be huge for her.

She also made the ultimate sacrifice for her sons - what she thought was the best choice. She is ashamed and regrets her decision. Hetty's biggest hurdle is that she needs to heal herself, and in doing so, maybe she could discover the ability to heal others as well.

Right now, I don't think Hetty would be ready to wield such a powerful ability, but she is making strides towards it 😊

EDIT:

If Prudence is powerful enough to harm Isaac, then maybe it will unlock Hetty's ghost power when trying to save her best friend. 🥺

[thebluestbluewords]

time travel shenanigans again

Rise of Red is driving me SLIGHTLY crazy with the time travel retcon, but in a way that’s making me want to write about how the timeline shifts COULD have worked. loosely inspired by this post.

"I don't know what that's like," Bridget says. Her expression, which Red is just starting to understand as perpetually stuck in a sweet, bright smile, falls blank for a moment. "I love my mom. It must be awful, not having someone who really loves you. If you were my daughter, I'd think you're the coolest daughter ever." 

Oh, if you only knew. 

"Thanks." Red manages, around the lump that shouldn't be in her throat. Bridget isn't her mom yet, not really. There's nothing for her to get upset over. "That's sweet of you." 

"And speaking of sweet," Chloe jumps in, giving Red's hand a little squeeze. Oh, please. Like the perfect princess knows anything about having a tyrant as a mother. "We're looking for a cookbook. Your cupcakes were amazing, so we thought maybe you'd have what we're looking for." 

Bridget beams. "Of course! I have almost every cookbook ever. Except like, the super illegal ones. I don't have those. Did you want to make something special?" 

"Just a little magical baking. I think the recipe we need is in the sourcer's spellbook?" 

Bridget's face falls again. "That one's illegal. I might be breaking the Wonderland laws that you remember, Red, but I don't break international law. At least not while I'm at school."

"But you'd break them out of school," Red drawls. If they can't get the cookbook they need, they can at least pump Bridget for information about herself. Half of her pranks back home only worked because she was able to get classified information from Maddox, or Isaac and the other guards, or swipe it from her mother's writing desk before she noticed a letter had even arrived. "That's pretty cool." 

Bridget giggles. "Well, I wouldn't say that. I...." 

She stops. 

"You?" Chloe prompts. 

Bridget doesn't move. Doesn't even blink. 

"Bridget? Hello?" 

"She's breathing." Red says. It's all she's doing. Just standing there, completely frozen, breathing. She's not even smiling. Her face is just....blank. 

Chloe steps close enough to wave her hand an inch from Red's mom's nose. "Hello? Can you hear me?" 

Red sidesteps around her princess sidekick to slip the back of cards out of Bridget's pajama pocket. It's not the same pack that she's seen her mom use in their timeline, but disarming her future mom makes her feel a little better. "She's broken, princess. We froze her." 

"People don't just freeze. That's not how human bodies work, even if we are in the past. My mom never mentioned freezing up like this." 

"I bet your mom never mentioned knowing my mom either." Red shoots back. "Or Merlin Academy, or how gross that Alchemy class was." 

"My mom," Chloe starts, and then stops. Just like Bridget. 

"Princess?" 

"My mom never mentioned attending Merlin Academy." Chloe says, bursting into motion again. "She only mentioned it once, and that wasn't until we were in the carriage on our way to school, a few hours ago." 

"Or twenty years in the future." Red reminds her. 

Chloe spins around, her hair flying out in a fluffy blue halo around her head. Her empty sword belt swings with the rhythm of her pacing. "More like thirty-five. Maybe more. I have an older brother, and my parents didn't have him until they were already  married for like, ten years. So we don't know exactly how far back we are, and my mom never talked about attending school until we were already in the carriage. And more importantly, you were in your carriage." 

"So what?" 

"So I think we started changing the flow of time the minute your mom let you leave Wonderland. I mean, think about it. The timing makes sense." 

Red considers the facts. 

Her mom never mentioned attending school - check. But her mom hardly mentions anything to her aside from how inadequate she is, so that's off their evidence list. Bridget is acting really weird - sure. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything, because Red's mom is really weird. Whatever statue Bridget's become, it could just be her brain rebooting to be even more evil. Or maybe she started rewriting time from the moment she grabbed the pocketwatch, and everything that's happened since then really is all her fault, and her mom would never have turned evil in the first place if Red hadn't gone back in time to try and fix her. 

Or maybe time travel logic is bullshit, and they're doing the right thing. 

"Whatever." Red declares. "We can think about it after we search this place for secret evil cookbooks." 

[chorus-the-mutate]

This is an edited repost of the Erzsebet Bathory character analysis I wrote yesterday that I refuse to let go to waste. I tried doing the right thing and tagging all of the necessary trigger warnings only for this post to be completely hidden from the Castlevania Nocturne and Erzsebet Bathory tags. Since I can't afford to tag the proper trigger warnings without being punished please do not read this post if discussions of rape or sexual assault triggers or upsets you in any way. I don't take these topics lightly and they are vital to this analysis of Erzsebet Bathory.

This post also contains major spoilers for this first season of Castlevania Nocturne.

This may seem presumptive of me to say but this thought has been stuck in my head for several hours: Erzsebet Bathory is the most rapist adjacent villainess I've ever seen without her actually being a rapist.

The first and smallest point against her is how often she mentions virgins. I know that Erzsebet's initial mention of virgin sacrifices is supposed to tie into the origin of her alter ego and consumption of Sekhmet but it's super fucking weird that it played into why she wanted to sacrifice Maria.

Next point against her is the lawyer's daughter. I'm not sure if this lady was a virgin but when she's first brought to Erzsebet she's already terrified and too dazed to fight back. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be there and that even if she did that she can't really express that desire. But Erzsebet still takes this lady out of a literal gilded cage, sits down and sits this lady on her dress to admire her despair before drinking her blood. The next time we see the lady she's still dazed. The only differences are that she's dolled up and seems more suggestible. Even with hundreds of people in this ballroom scene the lady is literally ignored by everyone except for Erzsebet who dances with her and parades her around for her own amusement. Everyone else knows that Erzsebet likes to make her victims suffer and they still refuse to acknowledge the lady because Erzsebet has made it clear that she's her possession. Hell the only person who is unhappy enough with Erzsebet to go rogue at this point is Olrox and he STILL IGNORES THIS LADY. When the lady is dragged outside to be fed on again without anyone batting an eye it reminds me of a rapist roofying their target and proceeding to do everything in their power to seem interested in their victim's well-being in order to take them to a second location. And no one speaks up since Erzsebet is the Harvey Weinstein, Prince Andrew or Thomas Jefferson of the vampire world; the embodiment of people in power getting away with abuse until the damage has already been done.

The last and biggest point against Erzsebet is the entire scene where she turns Tera into a vampire. For me personally that is just an allegorical rape scene and it's executed very well. Erzsebet makes her entrance at the abbey as a lioness of a woman, a literal predator who wants to take Maria as a sacrifice and turn her into a vampire to ensure Emmanuel the Abbot's loyalty. Tera protests and offers herself to Erzsebet instead. This is such blatant coercion that Tera refers to herself as the ram Abraham sacrificed to God instead of Isaac. And the only question or concern Erzsebet has at this point is if her sacrifice should be a virgin. The only reasons she accepts the sacrifice are Emmanuel's genuine love for Tera and the fact that Tera is a powerful sorceress. Once Erzsebet settles for Tera and physically lifts her to her level no one can stop her. Maria gets knocked out for trying and Richter gets bodied immediately after. Their only option is to get the hell out of there once Annette makes an opening and Richter rightfully runs for his life. Even Maria, the only person that could look back and see Tera turn, is knocked out and that feels like an intentional writing choice to give Tera one last shred of dignity. Erzsebet holds Tera really close in this sort of hug as she feeds on her and once she's fed she literally sits Tera on her lap for her turn to feed. Then Erzsebet cuts herself and the blood starts dripping down on Tera, starting at her skirt, going to her blouse and reaching her face. At first Tera doesn't react but then her body responds to the blood and she feeds even though she doesn't want to. Even though no one wants this for her. And that is exactly what it's like when someone has an unwanted orgasm. Tera's body is protecting itself the same way a victim of assault would and that paired with the blood on her skirt being reminiscent of the blood on a woman's thigh in the aftermath of an assault hammers home the rape allegory. It's very sad and uncomfortable to think of Tera's turn to vampirism this way but the thought lingers hours after like a grimy film on my brain.

I 100,000% believe that Erzsebet would have been an actual rapist if Netflix Castlevania didn't romanticize Lenore raping Hector and ending their relationship on friendly terms. Not to mention Sumi and Taka's sudden shift from allies to sexually assaulting Alucard out of spite. Castlevania Nocturne seems to shy away from rape and sexual assault in favor of allegories or moments so brief that I missed them unlike its predecessor. So I'm blaming the gratuitous depictions of sexual assault in Castlevania on Warren Ellis, the creator of Netflix Castlevania, who doesn't work on this show for a very good reason.

Everything from her size as Sekhmet to her tendency to torture women and girls before killing them contributes to the allegory of Erzsebet being the vampire equivalent of a rapist. She exudes power and not only does she enjoy making others feel helpless she's also great at it. She is a sadist without honor, willing to parade her lady victim of choice around vampire high society or hang a young girl on hooks to drain dry rather than let any of them die a quick death. The dragged out, needless suffering Erzsebet inflicts along with her preference for women and virgins frames her feeding as something more sexual in nature than the other vampire nobles who simply indulge in their gluttony. Even Olrox feeding on his former boyfriend isn't framed sexually, it's framed as a desperate, romantic gesture to keep his lover alive. And every vampire I remember from Castlevania has their feeding framed as a tool for political power or sheer, simple gluttony. Even the vampire general Cho was shown to be more of a tyrant or a general sadist clinging to power in Japan than a deviant.

Erzsebet's sheer sadism actually contrasts quite well with Dracula's humanity and restraint. He understood humanity, only feeding to survive or strike down the merchants who slighted him. (He probably also used feeding as a tool for political power but I don't think we saw that directly.) Dracula ultimately came to understand humanity so well that he fell for Lisa Tepes, the exemplar of what it means to be human. And that love is why I believe he respected Lisa's wishes and let her keep that humanity instead of turning her into a vampire. And after Lisa's death Dracula stopped feeding entirely, hoping to extinguish his life and take out as many people as he could because he believed that humanity should've been better. He believed that the people who lived alongside Lisa would've stood up for her and they betrayed her out of a mix of fear, religious reverence and apathy. Meanwhile Erzsebet doesn't care about humanity, seeing people like the lawyer's daughter as possessions or people like Tera and Emmanuel the Abbot as pawns to further her own rule. She might be taken aback by Drolta's death once she learns of it but there's an equal chance that she wouldn't even bat an eye.

So what do these points of analysis mean for Erzsebet and Tera's future dynamic as master and pawn? The one thing that's certain is that Tera has been fundamentally changed, forced into an unprecedented nightmare scenario that will drag her down a dark path. But I'm an optimist and I believe that Tera will ultimately be redeemed. She may never be human again but her humanity, her love for her son and daughter will save her soul. Ultimately I hope that Tera lives and recovers from the trauma of Erzsebet turning her. I hope that she goes home to her children and is taken in with open arms. But if Tera dies she will die as Tera, not as a pawn, and that is because Erzsebet could never kill her humanity.

[takaraphoenix]

WIP Whenever

I got tagged by @clareguilty - thank you dear <3 - and oh boy yeah, I got too many things I am working on parallel right now so I am spoiled for choice (I do not like this, because I usually write one oneshot at a time and don't start four to shuffle between, it's dizzying). HOWEVER since you posted a Stetopher snippet, you're getting a Stetopher snippet in return ;D

Have a sneak peek into Surprise Wedding Guest, a Stetopher Neckz 'n Throats AU based on a prompt from my wonderful @kimmycup to be posted on November 27th. Malia and Allison invite Peter and Chris' celebrity crush, famous Neckz 'n Throats model Stiles, to Peter and Chris' wedding in the hopes that maybe his PR team will send them a signed picture or something. Unexpectedly, Stiles actually shows up.

(Once again, this was meant to be short but then I accidentally also gave Stiles a stalker who's trying to kill him and Stiles ends up hiring Chris' security firm for protection and there were a lot of Pack Feels as per usual and platonic bestieisms for Sciles and Sterica and Sterek and now I'm 16k into this somehow. That's enough rambling, sorry. On to the sneak peek.)

--

“Hi, Batman! Isaac said you’re here!”

The next second, he had the blonde draped over him, scent-marking and hugging him. Yeah, Derek was right. There really were people outside his pack now who he cared about. He grinned as he scent-marked her back, earning a very pleased noise from the wolf.

“We should hang out more,” Stiles declared impulsively. “You mostly live in my phone and that’s a shame. I should get to see you more often, it’s a treat for my eyes.”

He winked, causing Erica to cackle. “Says the literal model.”

“Girl, have you seen yourself,” Stiles raised his eyebrows and dragged his eyes over her. “I can picture you in multiple shoots as we speak.”

“That’d be fun,” Erica grinned amused.

“Okay. Tell me when you’re free.”

The grin turned into a surprised expression as Erica blinked at him. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“Sure,” Stiles shrugged. “I mean it, you’re a total bombshell. If you’re interested in actually doing a shoot, I can arrange that.”

“You… can? And you would? Really?”

Shit, it was too adorable when people got surprised by him doing something for them. Made him feel all giddy and happy, because it showed that they didn’t expect it. That he was more than just his connections and money to them. He’d been used too many times at this point and every time he had someone who really did spend time with him just to spend time with him, without wanting or expecting something from him in return, that meant the world to him.

Stiles raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Yeah, I can. Beyond the fact that everyone in the industry is ready to bend over backward to please me and be on my good side, I really do think that you got the face, and the body, for the job, so what’s the harm in trying if you really are interested.”

“Holy shit,” Erica squealed and fully launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. “I gotta tell Boyd!”

As soon as their hug ended, she rushed off to the kitchen again, leaving Stiles with an amused smile on his lips before he sat down. The smile dimmed a little when he saw the frown Chris and Peter aimed at him. Oh. Had he… Had he overstepped? They were Erica’s Alphas, maybe they didn’t want one of their pack-members to do something like this. He felt weirdly disappointed and sad at that thought, that they may judge his profession. There were enough people like that, he knew it from his own experience. People who looked at the porn and enjoyed it but still looked down on the models for doing the job. He hated the thought that Chris and Peter may be looking down on him.

“You didn’t have to do that, Stiles,” Chris spoke softly. “You know that Erica didn’t befriend you to get a job, right?”

“Huh,” Stiles blinked surprised.

“She loves you a lot,” Peter added, voice as gentle as his husband’s. “You just told us about how most people want to gain something from you. Erica doesn’t.”

Oh. The sad feeling dispersed and was replaced by comfortable warmth again. A soft smile spread over his lips as he regarded them.

“That’s not…” Stiles shook his head. “That’s sweet of you to say, but I’m actually aware of that. She never asked me for anything, she didn’t ask for the shoot either. I offered. I like doing nice things for the people I care about, if it’s in my power to do it. Pulling some strings is nothing.”

He watched the frowns on Chris and Peter’s face to slowly fade as they nodded. It made him smile. They’d been worried about him. That was… nice. He bit his lips, watching Isaac carry over their food. It smelt as divine as always. Boyd seriously was an amazing chef and this place should be booked out at all times. Looking around, he saw far too many empty tables for a Friday night.

He knew his post during the wedding had gained them some traction, but that had been five or six months ago now, hadn’t it? Celebrity craze tended to die down. Well, Stiles couldn’t let that stand. He got his phone out and took a moderately indecent picture of himself eating – he knew full-well what his lips looked like and the effect they had on horny people – and then posted it to his insta, tagging the restaurant again.

“Put your phone down,” Chris ordered, very sternly.

It startled Stiles into nearly dropping it because holy shit that bossy voice was hot. When he looked up at the man, he must have looked like a deer in the headlights, even as he obeyed.

“In our pack, there are no phones allowed during dinner. If you eat with us, you follow our rules,” Peter clarified, voice as serious as his husband’s.

Stiles bit back the ‘Yes, sir’ that threatened to spill from his lips at the commanding voices. He would not mind following their rules in other settings either.

--

Tagging @kimmycup @blairwaldcrf @miazeklos

[scummy-writes]

Scum talks about OCs

In this I'm just going to go over my Ocs in sections of their own. I'm not really using a special Oc template, I'm just talking about them and what fics they appear in, because to be blunt, I do write 'reader inserts', but some fics are written with these ocs in mind even if they're not detailed out specifically.

I'm just chatting about for fun, this will not change how I write currently. I would not expect fanfics about these characters specifically.

Amélie - Drawn by @beni-draw-ikemen-please. (Full picture is her in a chair with Isaac sittin on the arm of it, and Arthur resting his head on her lap <3 I love it)

Anju, made with a Picrew here. I think her expression is a bit too gentle here, and she would mainly wear warmer yellows or cool toned blues, not the shirt in the image.

SS from Prince of my WIP OC for it, since she's fuckin impossible to make on picrews. Her current name is Constance.

I am honestly surprised people showed some interest in this, so bear with me through my bumbling please. A lot of these say 'mc' but they are 'reader insert' fics still. Previous fandoms had 'mc' interchangable with 'reader' so...

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, just know I might not have all the answered.

╰❧ Amélie

Amélie has been around for a few years, and Beni has been a saint for letting me comm her to draw her. Because of this, I was able to make a character profile for her Here. Additionally, a much older one Here that details some vague things about her past, and including her past with Sebastian (Childhood friends).

-> Fanfics she has been 'in': Breathless Discoveries (Isaac/Mc), Mental Gravity (Isaac/Mc), Blessed Accidents (Isaac/Mc), Exercise in Restraint (Isaac/Mc), Temptations (Arthur/Mc), A Helping Hand (Arthur/Mc), His (Theo/Mc), Playful Punishments [vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Midnight Impulses [Vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Musings (Isaac/Mc), Oral Prompt with Isaac, First Steps (Isaac/Mc), The Talk (Isaac/Mc), The Shirt Thief (Isaac/Mc), Isaac Overworking (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Awkward Dates (Isaac/Mc), and likely some other small drabbles I have missed...!

─❧ Summary: (Brief mentions of abuse/SA/Trauma but not explicit details)

A lot of her general background is covered in the second character profile I linked above. It sounds vague, and well! That is because it is a bit traumatic. I don't want to gloss over the fact that she has been through a lot, primarily SA, but I don't like focusing entirely on it to where that is the Only thing about her. Her previous job was ... an 'idol'? I never fleshed it out fully, due to self embarassment, but I wanted her to be a singer with a 'small' following, who got connected with shitty producers and signed a contract way too young without understanding the full implications of it, which caused most of her money to not actually be Hers. Due to her parents strongly against her career choice, going as far as rushing a contract ended up having her cut off from her family. With Sebastian gone, her support network disappeared completely.

She Vaguely goes over this in Patchworked Pieces (be mindful of tags), which was supposed to be a full fanfic detailing her story, but I am not meant for long fanfics at all so I posted what scenes I had typed enough with. on the chapter On Failed Attempts, she details a bit more of her experiences.

How she met Comte was through the normal opening of visiting the muesuem. She did it under distress and wanting a distraction, she was weighing options and considing some pretty awful things! I like to think Comte could tell she was beside herself and trying to calm down a little. I like to think he could sense the distress and the thing she was contemplating, and led her back to the mansion.

Which! Is rocky. She's terrified of everyone, until she sees Sebastian, and he helps ease her into her mansion life. She never tells Sebastian what she went through, due to worries and fears that he would manage to blame himself. So in her story, he never finds out.

Isaac is the primary person who knows some details, but not everything. She'd tell both him and Arthur some bare minimums, just so that when things got intimate, her panic attacks for 'random' reasons wouldn't make them believe it was because of them.

As for how they all entangle with each other? Well... Amélie is not what brings them together, necessarily.

Before she arrives, Arthur attempts to get close to Isaac. It is platonic at first, perhaps he had a crush on him but waves it off. But alcohol is introduced, they start 'drinking' together (Isaac is still a lightweight so he barely builds up his tolerance, mostly keeps Arthur some company), and...They get too tipsy and adventurous with each other. Arthur gets ashamed immediately. Not out of doing things with another man, because it was clear he was using Isaac to get over some trauma. So he avoids, hides, and their friendship crumbles.

And after that is when Amélie stumbles into the mansion.

Her friendship with Isaac is the most prevelant. And after getting on a better start with Arthur, they end up slowly getting entangled with each other. Isaac, unfortunately, deals with the brunt of her panic attacks. Finds scars, attempts to heal them.

It's through healing that they all twine together. Helping each other face their traumas, face what happened between them all.

Ironically, her love for singing was bounced in and out of the story. I wanted a few scenes where she tries to play in one of the many secluded rooms in the mansion- finds an old piano while cleaning, places a few notes. But I don't think she'd be able to any time soon. I think she would need a break for a year or two, before she started exploring music again. Or anything super creative.

I like to imagine that she is friends with a majority of the residents. When she is faring better, she paints with Leonardo and Vincent. She listens to Mozart play, reads what Dazai and Arthur write, so on so forth. I want her to live in a house with Arthur and Isaac, later on, visiting the mansion weekly or every two weeks, happy with her new life.

Sometimes I pair her with Theo, because I think they could help each other, but I think she is fated to be with Isaac and Arthur.

In AUs, I like to imagine Anju as her older friend. Anju does not tolerate a lot of bullshit with Amélie, and would be a bit like a guard dog. But. an unassuming one. She would treat Arthur very harshly until he proves himself. (I am unsure if I ever posted it, but I wrote a few chapters to go with This Au Fic for Isaac week. The second chapter, Anju was supposed to be a witch to help Amélie out after some events [was gonna have Isaac die and then it turn into a reincarnation au thing where they meet again in modern day, and in modern day Anju was gonna be around], and Anju has to help her move forward.)

I've been typing this on and off for a few hours and I am struggling with some details HAHA for now, I will stop here. She's the one OC that has a lot out there for her.

Oh. Amélie is not her 'real' name, but it is now. I am unsure if it is in poor taste or not, but in an attempt to heal she abandoned a lot of her old life. Not Herself, but trying to let go of the past until she could confront it more. She goes by Amélie until the end of her days, and only Sebas and likely Comte know her old name.

╰❧ Anju

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Training Theo (Theo/Reader)

─❧ Summary: (Vague mentions of parental issues)

OoooOOoooOh Anju....anju....wails.

She is such a complicated Oc for me. She was originally for Shingen in ikes*n (i dont want this on the tags on accident). I still debate if the character she is now still stems from that relationship or not. Because if so, that means she left the past and came back to the present because her and Shingen didn't work out. Not in a TERRIBLE way but probably a sad mutual understanding.

It's either that, or she's just pretty sour from general past relationships not working out.

I like to imagine that she is in her thirties, and that she lives in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other in friendly ways. She is a 'seamstress' just due to how Sengoku has that set up for the Mc. I decied that her grandmother taught her how to sew, and her grandmother owned a small shop to repair peoples clothes and sew clothes for commission as well (i know nothing about how this works so). She would help her grandmother at her shop, and later on when her grandmother passed, she would take over the shop.

As for her parents, I never fully fleshed them out. I just know her mother was constantly comparing herself to other children/people around her, and that their relationship dissolved to the point of Anju refusing to aknowledge her as a mother any longer. The crux of this would cause Anju to move the shop to a different location completely to sever ties. (not move physically, but open another shop elsewhere after funds were saved with the same name).

For Vamp, she relocates her ass to France for Reasons. And here is where it is... well. I don't think a shop like this could exist, but i wish it would. pls spare me from laughs HAHA

The shop I always imagined is the type where the ground floor is the shop, and upstairs is where Anju lives. So upstairs would house her kitchen, living room, and Bedroom and bathroom, a balcony connected to the kitchen would be. great. Lower floor would have the shop, her sewing area, a room to hang up comms and etc, and the 'front' of the shop. Front of the shop is the porch and the actual like...foyer area....of the shop.

She spends a lot of her time sitting in the foyer area at a desk, if she is not actively working on sewing. .....I like to imagine she has a small sitting area set up there for people (children, family, friends, partners, etc) waiting while whoever she is working on measurements and etc with is getting their stuff. With....a lil coffee/tea area....very very small like a coffee maker and some stuff....but cozy vibes... (and she wanted a coffee machine near her while working).

She'll sit on the porch often in the mornings while waiting for customers or going through shop bills and whatever, and that is how she meets Arthur in a modern day setting. By him taking 'Vic' (or whatever pet he is on now) on a walk, Vic escaping, and running up to Anju because he wants pets HAHA.

For first meeting, Anju thinks Arthur is cute, but recognizes the fuckboy tendances. However, i feel like at this point of living as a vampire for so long, Arthur wouldn't be how he is in the game currently. As in, not entirely as self destructive and a smidgen more at peace with himself, but still has the tendencies. She doesn't think too much on the meeting, loves Vic though, and goes from there...

But Arthur doesn't. He gets hung up on her a little, and finds excuses to run into her a bit more. Nothing crazy, but primarily just walking Vic by there and seeing if he can catch her on the porch again, waving, exchanging greetings and pets for Vic. It would turn into him eventually finding an excuse to get some clothing mended, which she can very easily tell is bullshit, but she entertains it because... he's respectful the whole time. She enjoys the company and the innocent flirting.

It comes to a clusterfuck when they spot each other at a bar though. Where he sees how differently she's dressed, where it's clear she's looking for one night stands and nothing else. (He is also alarmed at her smoking HAHA). Arthur doesn't do much with this information, but she immediately tries shutting him out because. Well, she isn't ashamed to have casual sex with others, but she doesn't want the fuckboy tendancies to come back for him. She doesn't want this fake relationship to delve into sex and nothing more. So she puts up walls, and Arthur has to slowly take them down. And it is a rocky thing, because Anju is so independant and refuses to rely on anyone else, so it's a LOT of trouble HAHA a lot of dramatics.

They do fuck, because well they both enjoy sex so why not!!!!! but ah. it's complicated. I think I have a scene of that somewhere. I cannot remember if I have that happen before or after him visiting her home/shop at night when he's drunk. I think it was before.

But Arthur was supposed to go to her place, drunk, because she has such a schedule with her shop/hobbies that it's easy to piece together that she's home, and she essentially lets him stay over in pity because he's wailing about messing up his friendship with Theo.

From there it turns into awkward, more up in the air things. I played with her getting with Arthur only, Theo only, Arthur and Theo, or even Vincent! But the Arthur/Theo subplot would have been too similar to the Isaac/Arthur one in Amélie's story. (Sorry for causing you so much distress, Arthur).

I like to imagine her in her shop. Arthur flirting with her while the neighborhood granny laughs at her attempts to ignore the flirting.

╰❧ Constance

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Sinking (Gilbert/Reader) [Descriptions of Self Harm], First Time (Gilbert/Reader), Chev comforts Mc

─❧ Summary: (Mentions of self harm, abuse)

Constance....! Is still a running name. I may change it, I may not. I'm unsure about her appearance, I know I want her to have the split hair and to dress in similar colors though, but her eyecolor I am so conflicted on...

But...! Her story is still being fleshed out, and she has changed a lot. She is now strictly for Gilbert, whereas she was supposed to be a flexible oc for either Clavis or Gilbert. (Maybe she still could be?)

So far, her story is still like Emma's so far. her and Rio friends for years, Akatsuki taking her in, etc. In my mind, she doesn't know who her parents are and is somewhat in peace of that.

I've bounced around a lot with her though, to where the Rio and Akatsuki being in her BG makes little sense. i've wanted her to be someone who writes and sings, but does not preform and instead has a friend that preforms for her. Where they have private sessions of Constance singing and exampling some of the dancing to her friend, and later on watching her friend preform the songs and bringing her visions to life. (i like this a lot but it feels...odd.)

I want her carrying a notebook around the palace, filled with her drawings and songwriting. Far in the journal, there is drawings of Gilbert- not because she knows him, but because long before she saw him slinking around Rhodolite and drew him out of facination of how he looked (did not piece together he was a Scary Dude). (would add a lot of fuel to fire if anyone saw those drawings COUGHS)

In another bouncing, I have her as a secret wrtier/artist that writes songs that are never preformed. I thought it would be funny if she wrote the erotica that Jin apparently reads??? I can never fgure out if thats canon or not because i never see it Mentioend in the game.

In both possible backgrounds for her, she is still a quiet and reserved person who suffers from a lot of depression, and struggles with herself a lot. The two toned hair was for fun at first, but now I'm realizing it would probably be a good symbol for her inner issues. How she has a lot of 'darkness' inside of her, that she feels disgusted by and upset with, while there is a purity she wishes she had (but fails to come to terms with how that is unreasonable).

To be paired with Clavis, she was supposed to be much more shy, and his antics were supposed to draw her out of her shell more.

But now it's more solidifies that she will be primarily paired with Gilbert due to the purity/darkness thing. She is a little dramatic in her thoughts with that, and is now a bit more serious toned rather than her shyness being played for antics.

She believes Gilbert over his refusal to 'lie', and that draws her in a lot.

Discussion of self harming/SA, when text is blue I am finished.

Something I am struggling with is that with many Ocs, i often have them go through some sexual trauma just due to it being an outlet for myself (i have also had sexual trauma). This may be why you see some themes of this in some fanfics I write, where there is something the reader is struggling with sexually and the suitor is extremely patient with them- it's usually tied to stuff like this (unsure of how obvious that is since no one ever says anything! which feels like an act of kindness, if it is obvious).

For her, I am struggling with adding that into her background as something that is fairly recent with her. Rio doesn't know, she refuses to tell him, and his fondness of her and constantly...hm...i don't mean this poorly, but building her up to be so 'perfect' sometimes causes a lot of issues when she reflects on herself, and she uses those words against herself often.

I don't know if the self harm would be. Due to that SA event or not. I don't know if this is soemthing that has plagued her for years, or if it spiked as her emotions got out of control.

Gilbert would not know. I don't really care if JP spoilers suggest otherwise, as there are already hints that make it clear he doesn't know Everything (he just knows a Lot). A lot of their relationship would be them struggling with self harm and the SA. A lot of her trust gets put into him (even if she dislikes it), because he doesn't lie to her like others do, and it is a comfort. (blah blah gilbert does lie blah blah)

It's hard to explain their relationship. I assume i'll have more figured out as his route comes out. Right now, she's who I imagine when I write some stuff with him, but not all of it.

With Clavis, the relationship would have been more healthy, and so would she. I think she would still struggle with both things, as it could be used as a mutual understanding when they discuss needing to be loved fully and not half-heartedly.

That is a rough gist of what I have for her? I have been typing this for hours and I am running out of steam.

Annnd....That is that! At least for now. Another detail I will share for all of them is that they are all bi :) All my ocs are always bi.

Again, you guys are free to ask questions. I may update this over time as well. I don't really want criticisms for my ocs though since you guys don't actually deal with them past them popping up as the voice for some reader insert fics. they just sorta rot in my brain and I get comms of them at times.

[verdemoun]

please can we have a non-canon to the timewarp post about maeves death pleaseee😭

special thanks to australian television drama love my way which traumatized me as a young lad

completely normal average typical day. taking maeve to the park because sugar might as well be cocaine to her, lenny telling her to stay where they can see her because he's that parent while she's already sprinting down the footpath like a wild animal

lenny and sean getting a chance to gossip. circa 2013 so there's loads to gossip about. davey's out of jail again, wonder how long that's gonna last. for all the shit he talks about abigail's cooking, john marston in the kitchen both looks wrong and never produces edible food. isaac's course should be wrapping up soon! but bullshit that kid is graduating

when they come around the corner to maeve on the ground, sean laughs. it's not the first time maeve macsummers has tripped over her own feet, shouts to her to hop up and dust it off

lenny's already frowning when she doesn't immediately, because maeve can and has run on a twisted ankle before. having the same thought, sean awkwardly jogs a few strides and kneels beside her, her she's fine, then asking her if she's alright, nudging her gently

looks up at lenny with an expression of mulled terror that will haunt him the rest of his days as lenny finally gets there and kneels, realizing how pale his little irish warrior princess has gone. did she hit her head? is she bleeding? is she breathing?

huh?

is she breathing?

is she - jesus christ i don't fucking know

soon enough panicked shouting attracts the attention of onlookers, someone thinks to call an ambulance as sean sits petrified as stone and watches lenny start cpr

lenny in tears himself having to hold sean back from fighting the paramedics as they take over, and someone says her heart's stopped

one by one the gang hear, via call, or text, and trickle into a private hospital room with only the news maeve's been taken to hospital, she's not breathing

the absolutely guttural wailing echoing down the hall, that only pauses when sean has to take an ugly shuddered gasp of air, tells them before they see this tiny girl laying perfectly, unnaturally still on a hospital bed.

everything they've gone through, it's just... not fair. the youngest, the brightest, hair like fire and the energy like a spark to gunpowder, the first to be buried. no one else could have taken the bullet, or saved her. none of them should feel guilt, but they all do, all wish they could trade places as their lives fall apart.

some genetic condition none of them had a chance of understanding. a massive heart attack. 6 years old, and a massive heart attack

karen drinks, and sleeps, and wakes up to drink until she passes out again, for months. jenny runs away, vanishes like she isn't willing to wait to see if the grief of losing maeve destroys what good she had in her life.

sean and lenny sit on the roof together, where they used to find maeve sitting on nights she climbed out her bedroom window to stare at the sky because she had no fear of anything, and wonder what would happen if they threw themselves off.

sean believes in heaven. he thinks he'll see her again. lenny doesn't believe in anything, thinks oblivion would just be an end to the pain. both just sit, and do nothing.

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

CBS Ghost Pilot -Sophie & Trevor

Here's the first of my Metas for CBS Ghosts. I've made some updates to it. OG Post on Jmaganbo92.

In the first scene, most of the ghosts have taken light of Sophie’s death.  They’ve been dead for ages and are happy that she’s at least comfortable (although many of them express sadness - anger in Thor’s case - that she got ‘sucked off’ when they haven’t).  But you know who doesn’t react that way?  Trevor.

He looks and behaves quite solemnly.  Why?  Because he’s the Baby Ghost - not only is this probably the FIRST time that he’s seen anyone die.  

There’s also a good chance that he's met Sophie in life - David Woodstone (one of his bros) is her son and given that he mentions ‘hitting the country estate’ and the group familiar with ‘Woodstone’s secret Drug Drawer’, there’s a good chance they go there for special parties and a good chance Trevor met her.  

Imagine what he’s feeling right now.  This woman, who’s been dying all alone, the woman who was his friend’s mother, is dying and it’s the first person since his OWN death to die.  We see a glimpse of his not quite used to be a ghost as everyone else is later on, but I wanted to bring attention to this first moment.  

Trevor’s sitting beside her, note he’s the only one sitting.  He speaks quietly, respectfully and he looks quite saddened.  The only other ghosts that show similar behavior are Hetty (because it’s her relative), but she’s easily distracted.  And Sass, who shushes everyone when it’s about to happen.  

It's interesting that the other ghosts focus on their own deaths, although making it about them, rather than Sophie.

I wonder if other deaths in the house of Hetty's relatives had Alberta wanting to sing for them, and that's why Hetty seems a bit sour at the idea that Alberta's singing is making it about her.

I do love the groups' faces and that Hetty gets to introduce herself first.

Flower's intro is hilarious when you consider the faces of Isaac and Sass behind her. Plus, making a joke about her death like the others dislike, but she's a younger ghost, so it makes sense.

LMAO - Thor! He's like "Name - Cod". The looks on their faces are just like Seriously, man?

Isaac's like "Gotta get this back on track".

Isaac doesn't introduce himself, interesting. But he does begin his "we are ghosts" speech, which I'm pretty sure he invented because he was disappointed with Thor and Sass' intros to him.

It's interesting that they all have different reactions. Isaac's disappointed, Pete's happy for her, Hetty's looks happy and sad, Thor's upset because he wants to be sucked off, Crash is like "what a drag", Alberta questions what's going to happen to their home, which prompts Hetty's worries... I like how Irishmen are on par with Murderers and Perverts. LMAO Hetty!

They abandoned her body pretty quick. Just like "Meh". Also, interesting, how long were they standing there?

Pete's already talking about the possibilities for the next owner, but back to Trevor.

He’s the last to leave interestingly enough.  I don’t know - I just wonder what he was thinking.  How he was feeling.  Feels different for him & perhaps Hetty.  

Perhaps this should’ve been my first point regarding my HMoney scenes - the connection with Sophie’s death COULD be why she’s holding onto him later on.

I also wonder if the reason we see him telling a party story in the next scene is because Pete's like 'we need to cheer him up, so it's his turn'. Trevor's very much a 'avoid sad things' person, so I could see this being his idea to try and get passed the sadness.

ANYWAY, feel free to chat. I'm reposting rather than reblogging because it wasn't showing up in the tag and I feel like there's no use if things don't work as intended.

[vole-mon-amour]

3x11, part 1.

i was determined to wake up at my own pace but then I saw the pic that Phil posted and it woke me right up. good thing i didn't look at it at 6 am, lol. it's 9:22 am, here we go. (upd: and when i finished with this post, it was 10:23. this is a three hour watch at the very least.)

Colin really is reborn, huh? I'd expect this from Isaac, but I'm glad it's Colin who stops them.

What he should have said: "Well guys, you ask Ted first and if he's up to it, we're talking/I'm in."

Husbands. IDC anymore. They're besties either way.

"Letting my mom stay with me is the right thing to do, but damn it, it's a pain in the ass."

Sooo... Jamie really is a nail chewer, huh? Baby boy, that's such a bad habit. Works as a coping mechanism though (probably).

Jamie is THRILLED to be there.

The scar. He's such a pretty boy, for real. Leaving Brendan and Jason's name in on purpose bc yeah.

Might start wailing right here bc Jamie's constant feeling of self-worth aka not being enough in everything aka not deserving other's people love and admiration aka Roy and Keeley can get back together, I don't deserve to be happy with them/one of them. Yeah, this hurts.

I wonder what triggered (dad? :)))) bc Jamie is usually a sunshine, but to see a glimpse of what's actually going on inside Jamie's head is... yeah. Gosh, I love this kid so much.

What a woman, my goodness. A goddess for real.

And his hair? :D

this is a renaissance painting. Bumbercatch is on full adoration mode. Dottie wanting to meet Dani and immediately befriending him. Trent <3333

The fact that she keep using Oklahoma (and Ted is responding to it like a Pavlov's dog, heh) but that they're CLEARLY best PLATONIC friends. There's no romantic chemistry but a lot of trust and I LOVE seeing it. It would make all the sense in the world if they stay platonic till the end and eventually have their own partners and have double dates and all. Ted with Trent when? Rebecca maybe with her Dutch guy? Someone that would feel her striked by a fucking lightning.

Now tell me Ted is staying in England.

A throwback to the first season? Where Rebecca wanted to destroy Ted and knew the owner of the Sun?

I'm sorry, Rebecca is buying A HORSE?? While living in a house in London? It would make way more sense to me if she had a huge territory where she can keep the horse and take care of it and ride it when/if she wants to and spend time with it in general.

"I'm your future husband-in-law." HE'S SO POLITE. SO GENTLE. IDK about Rebecca's partner, but I know who I want Ted with.

Baby boy. Baby. Jamie, tell me who hurt you, I'll kill them.

Are you going to finally kiss Jamie?

IS HE GOING TO FINALLY KISS JAMIE? I know he won't but omg, everyone else in the room can see it. Everyone else but the main fucking audience.

"I love your son & I like you very much." HE. HIM. That soft expression, that smile.

[thephoenixdescendant]

HEADCANON: HOW THE BF5 TEXT YOU

a/n: hello hello how are ya? I know I've been fucking dead for what, 2 years and then I come back giving ya random headcanons and disappear again for a few months and again randomly come back. I'm a goddamn mess and I'm sooo sorry. I just have poor time management skills and poor mental health. And also lack of motivation. Anywayyyys, here are some headcanons which I have been planning to write for a long time but keep forgetting to do so (also I don't know whether this headcanon was already done or not).

Vert Wheeler

Okay, so this man likes to use proper grammar. Will take his time to text back and NEVER the type to leave you on read, because he thinks it’s rude to do so.

He don’t really use the newer slang a lot.

Uses emojis as a way to express his emotions, and it’s quite literal.

Like this man uses the “😭” as a sign that he’s upset.

Uses the “😂”, “😄”, “❤️”, emoji’s quite a lot.

Long paragraphs about how much he loves you, paragraphs about what happened during missions are to be expected.

Agura Ibaden

Just like Vert, she doesn’t really use newer slang.

Only uses ”😀” emoji.

Will only leave you on read if she’s busy. Otherwise she’ll text back.

Will send you multiple texts but not enough for her to blow up your phone with notifications.

Flirts with you A TON. She may not look like a flirt but, she is. Only to you.

Zoom Takazeumi

Uses a TON of newer slang.

He sends you loooong paragraphs if he’s feeling very romantic and if he deeply misses you if you’re away. But if he’s feeling normal and as always being the goofball he is, he likes to send you short multiple messages.

Uses a lot of emojis.

Zoom: Babe, I miss you so much aaaahhhhh Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️💗💗💗💗💗💞💞💕💓💓💓💋💋💋💋💋❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️❤️‍🔥❤️🥰💗💘💓💞💋💞💋💗💘💓💋💞💕💜🧡🩵💚💕💞💋❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💕💋💞💕💋❤️🥰❤️❤️🥰❤️🥰🥰💕💕❤️

Never leaves you on read.

Sherman Cortez

Sometimes, you wonder whether if it’s his grandma texting because he texts are so….old people-ish?

He will legit sends you Good Morning and Good Night Images. Something like this:

Very sweet and romantic when he has a full on convo with you.

He usually never leaves you on read and when he does, expect a bunch of apologies and a string of “I love you”’s

His texts range from short to large paragraphs.

He uses slang rarely

Uses a shit ton of emoji’s like Zoom.

Spinner Cortez

Uses a lot of slang

Uses emoji’s more than words tbh.

Obviously, short texts.

Will leave you on read, and will apologize if you get pissed off.

The type to send you a lot of memes. If someone looks through your text messages with him, it’ll mostly be memes that you send each other and reactions from both of you.

Stanford Isaac Rhodes

He’s British and from the royal family…so no slang. He kind of hates it tbh.

Flirts with you (obviously) and also will have a full on convo with you while he’s on the mission (Vert doesn’t appreciate this)

Will send you audios of him singing songs that he wrote. It’s obviously about you.

Sends you selfies of him with a text saying “I miss you, my little angel”

Short texts, but like a bunch of them. Enough to blow up your phone.

Will get insanely nervous if you don’t text him back within an hour if you’re away.

Tezz Volitov

This man is complicated.

This man just doesn’t text and it’s not because he doesn’t like it. He forgets to message people and let them know that he’s fucking alive.

You have to be the one to message him first and he’ll message you back shortly after. (Or like a day later. Depends on how busy he is)

Does not use emoji’s.

There are days were he is the first one to text and those are verrryyy rare. (DO NOT poke him too much on that, that will make him sulk)

AJ Dalton

Blows up your fucking phone with a long line of messages.

And half of the long line of texts are just him correcting himself from that fucking annoying autocorrect.

Sends a bunch of pictures of himself. Either of him taking selfies with random things he finds during missions or of him making goofy faces.

Replies to your messages INSTANTLY. He’s actually looking forward for your message.

Uses a shit ton of emoji’s as well.

[gelatomesomeironqrow]

I'm not sure if I already made a blog post about characters I believe to be part of the Asexual/Aromantic spectrum community but I'm bored and AO3 is down and I have a headache so I can't even attempt to write any of my fanfictions like I want to so here we go.

Starting off with my baby.

Ikkaku Madarame. I personally headcanon this wonderful man to be Demisexual. I would say he is aromantic but honestly I feel like a man who writes poetry. Yes, he writes poetry, and makes accessories for children, has a romantic side.

In the anime he has not once expressed interest in anyone, be it the most attractive woman or man, and yet... he is so in tune with Yumichika that he can recognize his laughter from across a battlefield while in the midst of a fight. So, yes, he is demi for Yumichika. The only one who he fully trusts and respects, such is the ways of a Demisexual.

Moving on from this wonderful specimen of a man... we enter the world of dreams.

Yes. Dream of the Endless. The man of everyone's dreams and nightmares. The dude is so much of a Demisexual that it took thousands of years for him to even admit to himself that Hodge is his friend, let alone the potential of a future love interest. Yes. I know he has had romantic relationships in the past, and that he had a kid with a gorgeous woman. Demis still have sex. He trusted her enough that he came to her aid to save her. He just wants intimacy with someone but it takes him forever to trust and let someone in.

Also, the dude has canonically turned into a black cat. Cats don't trust as easily as dogs.

Anyways. Moving on to a character that is canonically AroAce.

Isaac Henderson and this other kid that I don't know if we ever got a name from.

I, too, would prefer books over being in a relationship but alas... with my personal health issues, I need someone to be somewhat intimate with.

Now... I have watched many, many shows and movies and I try to find myself in so many of them. I know. Weird. Trying to find relation in entertainment to better enjoy something. I can still watch and read things if I don't have someone like myself in there. Anyways...

Going into the world of MDZS.

Nie Huaisang.

This man is 100% an Asexual who thrives on finding queer platonic friendships.

Also. The guy has hyperfixations in birds, fans, art, and getting revenge for his older brother's murder.

I love him. I can relate with hyperfixating, I cannot relate in the art of revenge. His level of dedication is unmatched.

Moving on.

Arcane is something I'm currently obsessing over so... let's dive into the world of headcanons since everyone has a million and no one knows for sure what is Canon.

Viktor. My man. The Jesus of Hextech.

It took getting rid of his emotions to realize that Jayce was the only one he ever wanted but it was too late. Such a doomed situationship. Anyways. I think of him as an asexual who valued companionship and wanted that intimacy. Again. With Jayce. The himbo who didn't realize what he lost until he lost it twice.

Hot take... and I could be completely wrong... but Jinx, herself.

I think if it came down to it. She would have sex but she hates physical intimacy. To the point where the only ones she willingly ever approached for human contact were Vi, Isha, Vander and Silco. Her found family that she had no romantic or sexual feelings for. I know alot of people ship her and Ekko. I can see it. But the girl is traumatized and has so many mental health problems. Maybe more of a Gray ace/Aego spectrum?

Speaking of. Let's talk about Silco.

I think he would be Asexual. Similar to Jinx if I'm being honest. He would be open to that level of intimacy, with the right people. But he has never had that kind of connection with anyone besides, possibly Vander. But... that situationship ended in tragedy and bitter feelings so... yep. Welcome to the Ace community, my love.

Ignoring that and moving on...

RWBY.

Miss Ruby herself.

Honestly. She needs that level of connection and trust before she would even consider that form of intimacy. If she ever thought about it. Which. I don't think she does.

Ending with my main girl... Neopolitan, would be a Demiromantic Ace. She has romantic feelings for Torchwick. But that's it. Girl really chose to become one with a mystical tree so she could finally move on from him.

There are plenty of more. Penny Polendina from RWBY. Castiel from Supernatural. The only one confirmed on this list is Isaac but, I mean. Come on. Look at all these neurodivergent, lovely people and tell me otherwise.

[the-crow-binary]

Multiple ships >:3c

Leon/Sara

Walter/Joachim

Hector/Rosaly

(Isaac/BB)

Nice choices... >:3 Welp. Let's start with the OG tragic straight couple (well I guess Mathias x Elisabetha was the OG because they're older and Elisabetha died before Sara but whatever, Sara at least had more than one picture to serve as screentime ;c) <3

Was very closed to check "i can make it SO fucked up <3" but tbh i like them the way they are <3 All soft and nice and """"""clean"""""" <3 Sara is underrated smh. She did not gave up her soul to complete the whip that will eventually save humans over and over again just to get ignored like that >:l (i also like the tragic idea that the family eventually forgot about her <3 Something about Leon keeping the fact he put his ex betrothed in his whip a family secret so the other people wouldn't... you know... do what they did anyway and shit on them lmao. And eventually, it just faded away) But other than just Sara, the couple they formed with Leon was pretty cute <3 At least we can easily imagine it was. Because we know Leon and we saw enough of Sara to know her too, sefless and sweet. Not that her 3D facial expressions are helping in showing that...

Next is THE OG WORSTIES !!

They're both fucking Mathias. And maybe Leon too. And no i take no criticism. The game might not have given us much about their backstory together. But what we do know is enough to understand that THEY FUCKED. THEY SO FUCKED AND THEY WERE SO TOXIC ABOUT IT. Walter manipulating Joachim <3 Joachim attempting to murder him <3 Joachim being TURNED INTO A SLAVE BY WALTER. AAAAAAAA I WISH WE HAD SEEN MORE OF THEM TOGETHER AND MORE OF JOACHIM ALONE. Also love the idea of "not dating but married nonetheless" dynamic with them... ;3 (do not do this at home kids) Didn't check "compatible brand of freaks" because i couldn't decide if they were compatible or not. I guess yes in a way, but also no ? Consider it is both.

So... Hector/Rosaly, huh...

They live in my heart rent free <3 ROSALY THANKING HECTOR FOR BEING BORN IS MAKING MY HEART MELT I'M A SCREAMING YES PLEASE GIVE MORE LOVE TO THIS MAN aaaaand then she died. FUCKING DAMNIT ISAAC. Can't believe i didn't check the "oh the devotion" box- my mistake. Consider it checked. Because Hector is SO DEVOTED TO HER IT'S BRINGING ME TO TEARS also this is your fault. I never used to care so much about any of them >:( but then you arrived and BOOM. ANGST. ANGST AND FEELS EVERYWHERE. FUCK YOU BEEVEAN. Mwah <3

And now the last AND MOST IMPORTANT ONE

FUCKING. THEM !!! <3 <3 <3 My BB and his twisted fucked up gay mentor <3 (I just realised "inherent eroticim of attempted murder" actually worked for them since Isaac did wanted to kill BB when they met. And then I guess Isaac wasn't exactly gentle when training BB... homoeroticism. Homoeroticism everywhere.) Are they fated ennemies though ?? Benedict IS a Belmont after all. And Isaac IS a general of Dracula. And a simp of his. But he was also supposed to be dead ages ago and the Belmont clan's thing is more about killing Drac than killing his servants (it's just a secondary thing lmao). Idk i let y'all decide. The ending stays the same anyway: they fock <3 They have no one but each other and they fock <3 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE AT THAT POINT. BUT THEY ARE. AND THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME.