#Chris Argent

[kymera219]

Dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I got this stuck in my head, and the important thing is I made *myself* laugh.

[teenwolf-in-2025]

Eli (not Hale)'s nicknames for various Teen Wolf characters! pt.2

Melissa:

"Ms. McCall" Not even really a nickname, respects her too much to call her anything else

Chris Argent:

"Silver Senior" In reference to Allison's nickname

"The Silver Ranger" It thinks the idea of Argent being sworn to protect the human race like a Power Ranger is hilarious

Noah:

"Pig" Will oink at him when he is on duty. Eli is a punk, what did you expect?

"Dad of the year" Eli genuinely thinks he is a good dad, calls him this unironically

Rafael:

"Top Pig" a play on Scott's top dog nickname

"Dad of the year" in the most sarcastic voice you have EVER heard

Parrish:

"Pork chop/Bacon" or really any cooked pig dish

"Roast Beef" He roasts and is beefy, Eli just put the two together

"(my/our) Knight in fiery armor" it actually really likes Jordan and wanted to subtly thank him for protecting them all, thus came the nickname

Kira:

"Vixen" Lydia said it and Eli rolled with it

"Ninetales" Pokémon reference

"Kit/Kitty" A play on the word Kitsune

Liam:

"EF-[x] Liamnado" The rating changes based on how angry Liam is

"Alpha in training" It's just a true statement

Theo:

"Hurricane Theo" Matches with Liam's nickname, he also reminds Eli of the song Hurricane by The Coathangers

"The bomb squad" Because he is the best at defusing Liam

"Kitty Cat" He has always reminded Eli of a cat more than any canine, had to distinguish from Kira's nickname so it added cat

Jackson:

"Syzoth" A reference to Reptile from Mortal Kombat

"Pretty boy" In the most patronizing tone possible

"Closet case" only called him that once and felt bad about it after, turns out it was right

Danny:

"Dan the man" He calls himself that, why shouldn't Eli

"Undercover agent" Eli knows Danny knows about the supernaturals in Beacon Hills and refuses to explain the nickname to anyone

[takaraphoenix]

I'm working on my next Neckz 'n Throats AU and I'm mixing things up a little this time. Rich and famous model Stiles and his husband and photographer Chris book the Hale Ranch for a cowboy themed photoshoot and they will seduce themselves a cowboy in Cowboyz 'n Lassos, coming to an AO3 near you on March 19th, but for now have a little excerpt:

Being good hosts, the Hales invited their guests to the main house for dinner that evening. Peter might have suggested it in passing and his mother may have pushed the matter. And nobody said no to Dalia Hale (even though Peter had seen Chris try, before the man gave in).

“A week seems quite long for a photoshoot,” Talia noted in a neutral voice during the salads.

“Oh, yeah no,” Stiles laughed. “A day for the shoot, a second day for potential reshoots. But the rest is vacation. I kind of pushed the shoot to overlap with Chris and my anniversary. Which is also why we’re here with this particular lineup.”

Peter raised an eyebrow and looked at the Neckz ‘n Throats crew one by one, wondering what Stiles meant, until the boy continued. “Theo’s the new guy so he agreed without knowing what he was agreeing to. And Isaac and Allison are our kids and we’re making it a family vacation.”

“Your kids,” Derek repeated with a snort, looking between Stiles, Isaac and Allison.

It was Chris who heaved a long-suffering sigh and rubbed his face. “Allison is my daughter from my first marriage and I adopted Isaac when he was a teenager. Stiles is, legally and technically, their stepfather. And he likes to use this fact to torment all three of us.”

“Look at my precious pup,” Stiles cooed and pinched Isaac’s cheek. “Momma’s boy.”

“Momma’s boy,” Peter blinked repeatedly at the model.

“Well, I’m not calling myself daddy,” Stiles’ smirk was all teeth and wickedness as he winked at Peter. “In this relationship, Chris is daddy.”

Somehow, Chris managed an even deeper and more long-suffering sigh. Peter shifted uncomfortably as thoughts filled his head that were not appropriate for dinner with the family and their guests. Talia shot him a sharp, devastating warning-look. He opted to ignore his sister. Thankfully, their mother broke the tension by bursting into laughter.

“I like you, Stiles,” Dalia patted Stiles’ hand. “You’re a delight. Are you, perhaps, up for adoption?”

“I’m afraid not, ma’am,” Stiles grinned back at her. “Dad would protest that.”

“That’s alright,” Dalia’s smile turned more mischievous. “You could marry my son then you would also legally and technically be my son, yes?”

Stiles looked surprised before he laughed a little. “I’m afraid this one would protest that.”

He took Chris’ hand, interlacing their fingers in a way that lined up their wedding bands while the husbands stared lovingly at each other. Peter was only allowed a brief moment of envy, before his mother decided to further torment him.

“That’s alright, this one can also marry my son.”

“Mother,” Peter’s voice pitched in mortified frustration.

[shipping-world1994]

Chris: Has anyone ever diagnosed you as a sociopath?

Peter: Diagnosed? No.

[shitpostingsterek]

credit

[headcanonthings]

Chris: The McCall pack has a plan. Derek: Without Stiles and Lydia, McCall's pack has the collective intelligence of a pineapple.

[kymera219]

Me everytime a Teen Wolf anti pops into my feed 💅

[itbeaheadcannon]

i've always just headcannoned that Stiles has keys, passkeys and codes to everyones stuff. you have a house key, car key, or something needing a code? Stiles has several copies on himself and hidden elsewhere.

like this dude has sticky fingers, and eyes everywhere. he's got the ability to get it into the sheriff's station, the school, hospital and vet. like if it's a mildly important place or is just slightly interesting, chances are high; he's got a key and code to get in

every time they try to change codes or keys, he has copies made a day later. no one is safe. no one.

people try to complain to the Sheriff, in the hopes he'll be able to stop him

he tells them all to suck it up.

while Stiles is the light of his life, he's also a feral gremlin,

the sheriff has been trying to keep him out of his stuff since he could walk

stiles also 100% has house and car keys to all of the pack

it drives argent insane that he can't keep him out

they've tried changing their stuff

it doesn't work

he also somehow got their passwords

(it wasn't hard, they're all stupid and have easy to guess passwords)

((besides Lydia and Danny))

[theking-mustdie]

how it feels to be a teen wolf fan in the year of our lord 2024

[slimeyslimeyballsack]

[incorrect-teenwolf-quotes]

Chris: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?

Stiles: Okay.

*later*

Derek: Stiles! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.

Chris, whispering: Deny everything.

Stiles, loudly: That isn't a chair.

[mxflora]

[sototallynormaliswear]

yeah anyway part of the reason that season 2 felt so weird to me is the insistence that the hunters and werewolves of beacon hills are going to war when its AT BEST six werewolves and a stiles (three of which turned for less then two months, another just back from the dead) against 30+ fully trained professional hunters?? not really a war there guys. pretty. pretty one sided actually.

and they were "going to war" over a woman who has been publicly proven to have murdered a family of eleven people, including KIDS, by trapping and burning them alive? who was killed?? by a guy who's family she murdered??? and now HES dead????

like. this season wants you to see Derek as at least a minor antagonist. but his competition is a stalker that kills like ten people and a GUY WITH A SWORD DEDICATED TO CUTTING WEREWOLVES IN HALF. GERARDS INTRO SCENE IS LITERALKY HUM TELLING HUNTERS TO KILL EVERY SINGLE WEREWOLF POSSIBLE NO MATTER HOW HARMLESS. YOU CANNOT TELL ME HES EVEN XLOSE TO A GUY WHOS MAIN CRIME IS STANDING OMNIOUSLY

anyway. I do not care for the Argent family. or the way this season tries to make this a two sided conflict when it very much is not.

[omgtheywereawooomates]

Chris: You ever get so tired you start seeing spiders?

Stiles: Me after I take 17 Benadryl and start seeing The Hat Man

Peter: I'm sorry, you see the wHO?

Stiles: Oooooh, this is not a safe space suddenly.

[shipping-world1994]

Peter: [during the final battle] Christopher Argent, do you take me to be your husband?

Chris: I do.

Peter: Great!

[more fighting]

Chris: Peter Hale, do you take me to be your husband, in sickness and in health, with health being less likely?

Peter: I do.

[more fighting]

Sheriff: As Sheriff, I now pronounce you...

[interrupted by fighting]

Sheriff: You may kiss...

[more fighting]

Sheriff: ...You may kiss...

[more fighting]

Sheriff: ...JUST KISS!

[jessmalia]

Mal's Teen Wolf rewatch: Fireflies (3x03)