#i feel like i do so much anderperry so i wanted to give these two some spotlight

[cupiiid]

//March 27th 1967//

Chris heard the door close from her place on the floor. "Babe, I'm home!" Ginny's cheery voice bounced from the doorway. She heard the clatter of keys and the dropping of a bag. it all she could think about was how much of a disaster her day had been. First, she'd been late to the office because her train had been late, then she realised she'd forgotten her lunch and finally, the asshole higher-ups had humiliated her again because she was a woman. If was bullshit! She was better than half the fuckers there.

"Honey?" Chris was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of her lover's voice searching for her.

"'M in here, Gin," she whined from the floor of their living room. Before she knew it, Ginny was standing over her, a confused look on her face, tilting he'd head in that adorable way she did that made her look a lot like a puppy, a habit she'd adopted from Neil.

"What're you doing down there, love?" Chris groaned again and put her hands over her eyes. She felt Ginny sit down next to her and pull her head into her lap, gently stroking her hair.

"Rough day?" She asked gently. Chris nodded, not removing her hands from her face. "D'you wanna talk about it." Chris sighed.

"It's just been a bunch of shit honestly." She removed her hands to get a look at Ginny, resting them on her stomach instead. She saw her lover's face harden.

"Is it those squares from the office again? If they've messed with you again, I'll kill them myself." Chris huffed a laugh at her lover's antics.

"It's just the normal stuff, no need to get involved." Ginny gave an irritated sigh.

"It's not fine, Chris. They're treating you like shit for no reason. Your writing is incredible! Why does it matter that you're a woman?" Chris smiled up at her, the other woman didn't notice, too caught up in her antics. "It's such bullshit! Do you think Todd would have to go through shit like that? No. You've worked just as hard as he has and and people still don't take you seriously." Chris hummed and traced Ginny's lips with her fingers.

"Todd still has to deal with a lot of shit. Being a woman just isn't one of them." Ginny frowned.

"Yeah, that's true. Still sucks though. I hate having to watch people belittle you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met." Chris grinned and sat up, facing her lover. She took the brunette's face in her hands.

"Look, it sucks. I'm not going to tell you it doesn't. Everyday, I wish it wasn't like this and that I'd be respected by everyone but that's just the way it is." Ginny was about to cut in but she didn't let her. "But, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop fighting. I've earned my place here. Plus, I have you and Todd and Neil and Charlie and while I'd love outside approval, the only real approval I need is you guys'." Ginny's hands came up and over her own, smiling proudly.

"I love you. I love you so much." Chris leaned forward and met her in a dizzying kiss, trying to communicate the pure love and adoration she had for the woman in front of her.

"I love you too." She whispered into her lips. "I love you more than anything." Ginny's lips traveled down her throat and for a while, she didn't think of work (or anything other than Ginny for that matter) at all.

Some while later, the two of them sat of the couch together, watching the Andy Griffith Show. It was a nice evening, it was sprinkling lightly outside and the cool weather made Chris feel better. Around five thirty, Ginny checked her watch.

"Shit," she muttered. Chris pressed a kiss to her jaw.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Todd's out late tonight, meeting with someone about his book or something and I don't think he left Neil anything to eat." Chris snickered. Neil, as lovely as he was, couldn't cook for shit. If they left him to his own devices, he'd end up with burnt mac and cheese and half the kitchen blacked with soot.

"Should we invite him over for dinner then?" Ginny looked at her.

"Are you sure? We can just relax with the two of us if you're not up to it."

"Have him over, he is your husband after all." Ginny huffed before speaking.

"You know that's only a technicality, Noel!" She said before playfully hitting Chris on the shoulder as she laughed. Once their laughter died down, Ginny pressed her lips go Chris' in a silent thank you.

It was true. Earlier that year, all four of them had a wedding ceremony. First, a hurried one at a cheap chapel where Neil and Ginny exchanged vows (trying their hardest to make the other laugh) before Chris and Todd did the same thing (also making up total bullshit). Then, after that trainwreck, once they were legally married to avoid suspicion, the four met their friends in Chris and Ginny's living room for a real (and very much illegal) wedding.

Neil and Todd went first, Charlie as Neil's best man and Jeff as Todd's while Knox 'officiated' the rest of them crowded around in the way too small room and cheered once they kissed at the end.

Ginny and Chris were second. It's still the happiest day of her life. Even though she's legally married to Todd, the look on Ginny's face when she read her vows and the hollering and champagne and cake made everything worth it. Cameron was her own best man, Charlie's partner, Alex, being Ginny's (those two had made fast friends and they were overjoyed to be Ginny's best person)

They were luckier than most. They had managed to find a house for people like them in New York, two buildings connected by a basement door. Chris and Ginny lived in one with Neil and Todd in the other, creating an allusion of two straight couples living next to each other instead of the truth, one person from each household being able to switch quickly if necessary. She wouldn't give up this little life if hers for the world.

Chris got up to start making the pasta as Ginny ran to go fetch Neil. As the water was boiling, the two brunette's trailed into the kitchen, Neil carrying a bottle. He smiled brightly when he saw her.

"Chris! Thank you for having me over." He pressed a kiss to her cheek before passing the bottle to Ginny and leaning against their dining table. "I brought some wine as a way to thank you." He smiled his classic Neil Perry grin as Ginny examined the label.

"Neil," she snorted, reading the label. "this is grape juice." Chris burst out laughing as Neil hurried over and took the bottle from Ginny.

"No, no, I could've sworn this was wine." The two women laughed at Neil's fumbling.

"Jesus Perry, you get one role without me and you become a mess!" It was true, for one of the first times in their careers, Neil had gotten a rather large role without her. Shortly after, Ginny had managed to snag an equally impressive part in another show but it still felt weird not seeing them together.

Neil grinned and rolled his eyes. "Well, it'll have to do."

Neil sat at the dining table as they worked on the spaghetti, not trusting him to help after what happened last time. Once the dish was done, the three of them migrated to the living room with their plates and glasses of grape juice.

They squished on the couch that was really only made for two (there was another couch plus a couple of arm chairs but that couch had the best view of the television and none of them were going to give that up) and watched some sappy soap opera that was playing while laughing at the characters and talking about their days.

"...and then Lizzie stepped on my toes again!" The girls wheezed, almost falling off the couch in the process. "It's not funny! This is the seventh time it's happened!" Ginny wiped tears from her eyes.

"Like you didn't do that when I taught you how to dance, you hypocrite!" Neil waved his hand around wildly.

"Yeah- when I was seventeen!" The hysterics dies down after a while and they all sat in a comfortable silence.

"Do you remember when I taught you to dance so you could impress Todd at the Welton-Henley dance in highschool? The one Chris snuck into." Neil nodded along knowingly. Chris looked at them shocked.

"That's what you two were up to?" She asked. Neil nodded.

"Yep. And if didn't even work." He sighed. Chris looked at him indignantly.

"Are you kidding?!? You should have seen him, he was all over you when you danced with Ginny. We couldn't stop looking at you two all night." Neil blushed before realising her words.

"Wait- we? You were looking at Gin?" Now it was Chris' turn to flush as she felt Ginny's eyes on her.

"Well... yeah. That's what got Todd and I bonding in the first place. Both of our pining for two hopeless theatre kids." She was met with two sharp 'hey!'s.

After Neil had left, they got into their bed and Ginny circled her arms around Chris' waist, resting her head on the nape of her neck. Chris hummed in content. "Was what you said earlier true? About watching me that dance?" Chris laughed and placed her hands on top of Ginny's.

"Of course. I couldn't take my eyes off you. I drank so much spiked punch just to get away from the feeling really." She felt a soft press of lips to her neck.

"I love you, Chris. I love you so much I don't even know how to describe it." Chris turned in her arms to face her lover.

"You're such a sap." She said lightly, tracing her face with her fingers. Ginny closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling. "I love you too. So much." A smile tugged on the brunette's lips.

Chris' life wasn't perfect by any means. She was living as a lesbian with a secret lover in 1967 and trying to make her way as a journalist in a male dominated industry while misogyny ran rampant without consequence. It would always be hard, at least to a degree, but right here, in bed with the person she loved more than anything in this world, all was good.

[noelliza]

Early Bird - Anderperry

Hi guys! This is a quick fic I wrote impulsively a couple nights ago. You can also read this on ao3 here. Enjoy! :)

Summary: Cameron has the audacity to wake Charlie up every morning at the crack of dawn with his obnoxious morning routine. What else does he have to do besides make his other friends suffer along with him?

Or: 5 times Nuwanda almost caught Neil and Todd snuggling in bed together + the 1 time he did.

~

1

Charlie pounds on the door with all his might. “Open up!”

��Go away Charlie,” Neil growls.

“Come on! Cameron woke me up again with his Grandma morning routine.”

Cameron does this every morning, and he’s never able to go about his business quietly. Charlie swears he moves around their room like an elephant, knocking into furniture and shutting the door loudly. If he has to deal with this, then he wants others to suffer along with him.

“IT IS NOT!” Cameron shouts from their room.

“KICK ROCKS OLD BAG!”

“Charlie, leave us alone,” Neil says, his voice groggy from sleep.

“Oh why is that? You two naked in bed together? All the better, I’ll get a bed to myself,” he says with a smirk.

“N-no Charlie, we’re tired,” Neil stammers.

“So it’s true! Alright, I’ll leave you alone. Be safe!” He calls back.

“Charlie—”

Charlie slams the door shut behind him, his plan hatching in his mind.

***

2

This time, Charlie gives no warning as he twists the handle of their door—to no avail. It’s locked.

Thump, thump, thump. “You locked it?? What are you hiding? A body? If so, why am I not in on this?”

No response, odd.

“Or are you two in the middle of something? Some early morning cuddles? Come on, learn to share the love!”

“Charlie,” Neil calls impatiently. There it is. “It’s way too damn early for this.”

“Yeah no shit, I didn’t ask to be woken up this early—”

“—I am not that loud, you exaggerate!” Cameron insists like the liar he is.

Charlie turns back toward his room, glaring at the door despite Cameron not seeing it. It’s a matter of principle. “I SPEAK THE TRUTH! Dead poets honor.”

He hears Cameron groan from their room.

“Charlie, you have three seconds to go back to your room before I go out there and tackle you,” he threatens.

“Ha, yeah right—“

“One.”

“Neil, come on you’re my—

“Two.”

“—best friend! You wouldn’t—”

“Three.”

The door flies open, revealing a charging Neil, making Charlie yell and run back into his room. He slams the door before Neil gets close enough. After a few seconds, he hears Neil stomp back to his room and shut his door. He releases a breath. Damn.

“Dramatic much?” Cameron mutters under his breath, shaking his head as he sips his tea.

Charlie groans despairingly, diving back into bed.

***

3

Charlie clears his throat, puffing his chest out. “Mr. Perry,” he says, his voice deep and assertive, “Mr. Anderson, you have been summoned to the dean's office immediately for… important matters.”

“Charlie, are you serious right now?” Neil gripes.

“This is not Mr. Dalton, this is Dr. Hager instructing you to go to the office this instant. I will have no further objections.”

“Fuck off,” Todd calls, the tone of his voice almost sending Charlie into a fit of laughter.

Charlie coughs, keeping his voice even. “That is a demerit Mr.—“

“What is going on?”

Charlie jumps, turning to see Hager standing there looking ruffled and displeased in his nightclothes.

“Uh, nothing sir. Sleepwalking,” he says hastily, closing his eyes and putting his arms out like a mummy before stumbling back into his room. He slams the door behind him quickly, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Idiot,” Cameron mumbles.

“Shut up, geezer.”

***

4

Charlie knocks a gentle pattern on the door. “Wakey wakey eggs and bakey! If you let me in, I’ll bring you both some nice, warm breakfast provided by the—”

The door swings open, revealing a sleepy, irritated Todd. His hair is sticking up in all directions, and he’s suspiciously missing a shirt. Charlie grins. “Well, good morning Todd! How are—”

Todd smacks Charlie’s head roughly before closing the door again, which Charlie blocks as he inserts his foot. “Why—must you be—DIFFICULT!?” Charlie cries.

“And why do you insist on waking us up before the roosters crow?” Neil pipes in, his head peeking out from the comforter. Charlie catches a glimpse of a head-shaped indent on the pillow beside his head as he wrestles Todd, pushing heavily against the door.

“I WAS RIGHT WASN’T I?”

Todd makes a noise of embarrassment and his efforts double, managing to shove Charlie out entirely within a few seconds. The door slams shut in his face.

“I’ll catch you eventually! Just you wait!” Charlie declares, walking back into his room.

“You’re louder than I am,” Cameron says with a frown.

“Not as loud as your mom was last night.” Charlie winks.

Cameron groans.

***

5

Charlie stands behind the door, buzzing with excitement. He takes a deep, long breath, and pushes it out with all his might into the saxophone. A startling, loud note booms from the instrument, and Charlie hears a loud thud to the floor come from inside Neil and Todd’s room, followed by panicked footsteps and springs of a bed squeaking from added weight.

Charlie throws the door open with a flourish, watching as Todd begins to crawl into his bed, freezing as his eyes lay on Charlie in the doorway. The three look at each other for a moment, no one moving an inch.

“You alright there Toddsie?” Charlie asks smugly, leaning against the door frame. “Fumbled a bit as you were rushing back to your own bed?”

“No, I fell off my own. You startled me,” he says, not looking up from the floor.

“Then you already would have been back under the duvet.”

“That proves nothing Charlie,” Neil chimes in, his eyebrows furrowed.

Charlie shakes his head. “Oh but it does!” He cheers, slapping the doorframe as he dashes out of the room.

“Got what you wanted yet?” Cameron asks as he enters the room.

“Not yet, but I’m close,” Charlie replies, grinning as he leaps back into bed.

***

+ 1

Charlie gives it a few days before returning, ignoring the questions Todd and Neil shoot his way about his sudden absence at their door at sunrise.

Charlie tip toes across the hall, turning the knob inch by inch without making a sound. He pushes it open a crack, peeping an eye through. There, beneath the warm covers of Neil’s bed, are two figures, snuggled up in their own cocoon of love. Only the tops of their heads can be seen above the duvet, but Charlie can tell Todd’s head is tucked into the crook on Neil’s neck. It feels private, too precious for Charlie to be witnessing. Charlie smiles, staring for a bit longer before closing the door with a soft, almost inaudible click.

[duxpuella]

i absolutely adore your writing!! i was wondering if you can maybe write an steven meeks x reader, where they both like eachother, and the other poets make a plan to get them together! <3

Headcanons for (gn!) reader being setted up with Steven M. by the other poets

<Atention: Modern AU where Neil lives, and Welton’s a boys & girls school.

Warnings: Fluff, Cursing, Anderperry, >

Note: Y/n - your name/ Y/Ln - your last name/ Y/fn - your friend’s, the song quoted is Falling for U by Peachy! and mxmtoon;

Also, here’s my Meeks playlist, hope you enjoy it!

font;

Okay, so you and Steven had been friends for a few months. He liked you, and it was so obvious, the fact was almost materializing itself into a neon sign. He didn't tell his friends, but they realized it.

Well, more specifically, Todd realized it. He noticed the classical signs of it. Steven was more nervous and anxious than usual (especially around you). Glancing at you from a distance and then blushing lightly and looking away. Todd had his theories, but he wasn't sure of anything yet.

That was until he presenced Steven showing you a song he had been practicing on the piano. But the thing is, Todd knew that melody somewhere in the back of his mind.

He spent an entire week trying to remember it until it played on Neil's phone. Todd was reading as he heard the first notes and looked straight up to Neil.

I was hangin' with you and then I realized I didn't think it was true, I was surprised When I found out I've fallen for you

"I KNEW IT! SHIT, I KNEW I COULDN'T BE IMAGINING IT!" Neil jumped on his sit "jESUS TODD, YOU SCARED THE FUCK OUT ME," "sHUSH, LISTEN," and they stood there for two minutes, listening.

But I can't help it I'm falling for you And I can't quit it 'Cause I'm stuck on you And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical But I just want to be with you Please tell me, boy Can you get a clue? Or come through 'cause I just want to be with you

"yES, I WAS RIGHT!" "What are you even talking about?" Neil asked in utter confusion as Todd proceeded to explain everything, his theories, the signs he noticed. "We need to get them together." "I agree in part, but shouldn't we just let it be? Steven might be taking his own time on it, it takes one a lot of courage to confess your feeling to a friend." "It took you?" Neil asked, flirtingly, as Todd blushed, "Oh, shut up. But I'll tell you if it was me instead of him, I wouldn't like for anyone to set us up." Neil gave a mischievous grin, "Well... who said they'll know?"

They both came up with multiple different plans that week, but none was good enough. Soon enough, the other boys ended up joining. "I think I got it!" said Knox, "I could buy two cinema tickets and give them to them!" "You should add 'Here, go on a free date' as you give it to them, Knoxious," said Charlie, turning over his eyes. "No, no! Is a good idea, we just need a good strategy!" Pitts added. "Oh, you could say you tried to invite Chris, but she dumped you!" "Good one, Neil!" Todd said, giving him a high five.

Next week, Knox stopped you and Steven on the corridor with two tickets to a sci-fi movie you both had been planning to watch for a while, "Hey! I uh... I bought these and tried to invite Chris, but she dumped me, and now I don't feel like going by myself. Do you guys would like it?" Steven stared at him, suspiciously for a moment and then at you, "Wanna go?" "Are you kidding me? OF COURSE, I DO! We will have SO MUCH FUN! Thank you, Overstreet!" You said as you got on the tip of your feet to hug him. Steven looked at the ground, uncomfortable with light pink dust on his cheeks.

At nighttime, you and Steven went to the cinema. As the other poets stayed across the street, spying. Pitts was inside the room with you, undercover and at a safe distance, and a few people. He texted a 'mission accomplished to Neil when you kissed Steven and then left the room.

They watched and silently celebrated from afar once you walked out of the movies holding Steven's hand as you both talked about the film. After that, they all went home to wait in Pitts's dorm room and ask for the details.

Hope you like it! I take requests by ask! (info on requests);

Also, you’ll find more of my writing here.

[gomgeomeogmeogmy]

Hi :) my friend recommended me your Tumblr and I've asked stuff before so I thought maybe I should do it again

I really like the theme of this fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/33668362/chapters/83671462 and it hasnt been updated

TW: s3lfh@rm

I'd like to ask for headcanons about Todd dealing with depression and self harm (with Neil helping him cuz i luv anderperry)

I'm sorry if this triggers you, i wanted to see my favourite character dealing with similar struggles as me

Tysm anyways

Okay!! So, before I get into this, I do want to put a HUGE TW on this post, this post WILL mention self-harm and struggles with depression and anxiety.

I want to make it clear: I am by no means attempting to romanticize this topic, as someone who struggles with SH, that is the last thing I ever want to do. If I write something that seems like that, please do not hesitate to call me out.

Here we go! Last TW

Todd dealing with SH and depression/anxiety

Switching to Welton was extremely difficult for Todd, we know this

He felt the pressure of living up to his brothers standards, pleasing his parents, his teachers, and worrying about not fitting in

He always struggled with SH, since he was in grade school, so it was nothing new, but it definitely got a lot worse once he started at Welton

Meeting Neil, Charlie and all the others helped him feel more comfortable, but at the same point it kind of made it harder for him

He couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding in their dynamic, all of them having been friends for their previous years at Welton, a few even before that, and here he was trying to shove his way in

One night, Neil was out late at a play rehearsal and Todd had one of the worst anxiety attacks of his teen years

He wanted so desperately to go get Charlie or Knox, maybe even Meeks, but he couldn’t get himself to, he was so scared of what they would think about him, so he resorted to his usual coping mechanism, self harm

He didn’t want to, but it didn’t feel like he was in control, he didn’t feel like he had a choice

The next few days after that, he was really off, everyone noticed

He was talking even less than usual, walking behind the group instead of with them, wearing extra layers, always seemed to be making himself as small as he possibly could

What really worried them was the way he winced Every time someone touched his leg

Neil and Charlie were the first two who saw it

Charlie had gone to pat Todd’s leg after making a joke, but he quickly pulled his hand away when he saw the pained wince

He and Neil shared a quick, knowing look. Something was seriously wrong

Neil was cautious with Todd the rest of the day, keeping a close eye on him to notice every change in his behavior to see if he could figure out what was wrong

That night, when Todd got up to go to the restroom, Neil got a gut feeling that he needed to look through the trash

He felt weird about it, but he did it, and his heart suck to his feet when he saw the bloodied tissues. Him and charlie were right

Todd walked in right as Neil found them, both of them stopped and stared at each other

“Todd…?”

Todd broke down again, instantly hyperventilating and sobbing and apologizing profusely

Neil panicked, no doubt crying himself as he attempted to comfort his friend

He quickly pulled todd into a tight hug, carefully sitting both of them down on Neil’s bed as he shushed and comforted Todd

After about a half an hour, todd stopped crying, but he was still shaking and refusing to meet Neil’s eyes

(The rest of this will be in writing/story form)

“Todd, you know I’m not angry, right?”

Todd stayed silent, keeping his head down.

“I��m really not mad. I’m just- worried about you… we all are.”

Todd’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and afraid.

“The others know too?!”

“No no no! And-and they won’t know if you don’t want me to tell them, I promise, but you’ve been off for the last few days, we’ve all been worried sick about you, Todd.”

“I’m…im sorry, I don’t want to worry you guys-“

“Well, that’s part of what being a friend is. We love you Todd, I love you, we all just want you to be okay. Can… can I ask why?”

Todd went quiet again, the tension so thick you could slice it with a knife.

“I didn’t want to… I was just-I had an anxiety attack, and I didn’t want to annoy Charlie or Knox or any of the guys, I tried to stop myself but it didn’t feel like I was in control, I’m sor-“

“Todd, you don’t need to apologize. Look, I’ve been there before, okay? I’ve done the same thing, I know exactly what it feels like. I also know that Charlie, Knox and any of the others would never be annoyed if you came to them for help, shit, I think most of them would be flattered that you trusted them enough.”

Todd looked away again, obviously not believing a word Neil said. Neil sighed and grabbed Todd’s hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“I know it’s hard, I know that better than anyone, but we love you, so much todd, all of us do, and we want you to be okay. You don’t have to ever tell us anything you don’t want to, but please, if you ever get the urge again can you just…come to one of us? Any of us, really. You don’t need to give details just-just talk to us, be with us, we care, and we’ll all help as much as we possibly can.”

Todd met Neil’s eyes, and Neil gave him a soft smile. Todd’s eyes grew glossy, a single tear slipping down his cheek.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll try…”

Neil’s smile grew. He pulled Todd into a tight hug, and Todd couldn’t help but melt into the comforting touch.

“You’re so important to us Todd. Don’t ever think for a second that we don’t want you around, or that you’re annoying us. We love you so so so much. I love you, so much more than you know. Everyone here just wants you to be okay.”

“I…thank you, Neil.”

Back to HC style

The next day, Todd was already seeming a little better

Neil made sure to keep a close eye on him, but he acted like everything was normal, he knew it sucked to have the attention drawn to you when you weren’t feeling good, so he tried to avoid making that happen

The group was obviously thrilled that they had their Todd back, all of them talking to him and joking with him like they hadn’t seen him in days

Neil and Charlie looked at each other again, charlie giving him an “is everything okay?” Look, to which Neil simply nodded and grinned

Todd might not have been fantastic right now, but he was better than yesterday, and that’s all that really mattered

Please, if you ever have the urge to hurt yourself, reach out to someone you trust or find a way to distract yourself. I know what the feeling is like, I know it all too well, but I can also promise you that it is not worth it.

You are so important, and you do not deserve to be hurt.

If you need alternatives to self harming, please look at this list. It gives lots of good alternatives that are far better than harming yourself in anyway

You are loved, you are important, and you matter. <3

[puckandperry]

if you send for me

anderperry

synopsis: au in which welton academy isn’t a boarding school, and neil goes to todd’s house to throw pebbles at his bedroom window, and todd realises when it's his turn to throw the pebbles— before it’s too late.

warnings: slight sentiments of sadness. nothing too extreme!

w/c: 5.8k

a/n: hello all! this is my first time writing for these two, and the dps world in general, but i’ve done my best to capture the characters, and so i hope it’s worked. enjoy <3

⭒

The windows are dark, they always are. 

Todd’s parents have always been strict about that sort of thing— lights out after a certain hour, no going out on school nights, curfew and all that. 

Neil’s parents have always been like that too, but he’s learned to slip out of doors unnoticed, silent upon socked feet as he steals through the dark, only stepping on floorboards that don’t creak. Neil is a shadow, Neil is a thief. But the prize is far more precious than silver or gold. 

⭒

When the first pebble hits the window, Todd’s still asleep, and he doesn’t notice. 

The sound of the second pebble against the glass is conveniently part of his dream, and fades into the abyss of sleep, a drop of water in an ocean. 

The third is when he wakes properly, and he thinks that maybe footsteps are approaching his bedside. He shifts disconcertedly, sleep still trailing in the wake of his consciousness, the brush of a lover’s hand. 

But at the fourth, he sits bolt upright at the sound, eyes bright and wide in the dark, though moonlight spills onto the floor from the window, from behind those curtains that never consent to be fully closed. 

He slips his toes out from beneath the covers and winces at the cold when they meet the wooden floor, but he’s quick to recover from the tingle of frost down his spine, and he walks toward the window in three quick, short strides. 

When he brushes away the curtains and twines his fingers around the window latches to push the contraption from its frame, he finds Neil on the ground below, a hand raised with a fifth pebble, the other cradling several more. 

Neil’s face breaks into a smile when he catches Todd’s eyes, and Todd fights the flutter of his heart, coaxes his own smile into a grimace; he should not be happy that Neil is here, in the middle of the night. He should be cross, and worried about his parents finding him up after bedtime, and grouchy with his lingering drowsiness. 

But he is none of those things. He is decidedly lighthearted, awake and spirited and warm, despite the coldness of the night. He is how he always is, when he is with Neil. 

“What’re you doing here?” he hisses, his elbows on the windowsill as he leans farther out into the night, the breeze beginning to ruffle his hair. 

Neil smiles, like Neil always does. “What does it look like?” he says. “I’m here to see you, of course.”

“You can’t—” Feigned indignation has raised Todd’s voice on no account of his own, and he has to swallow to bring his volume back down. “You can’t be here,” he says. 

Neil folds his arms. “Why not?”

“Because it’s the middle of the night!” Todd sputters. “Because you should be asleep!”

Neil only grins. “You’re not asleep,” he counters easily. His tongue is poking out between his teeth, his eyes vivid in the moonlight. 

“Because you woke me,” says Todd, but it’s a lame attempt at an excuse, and Neil is already climbing the bush that twists up the wall by Todd’s bedroom, his sweater sleeves snagging on the brambles. 

And Todd is leaning out the window, biting his lip as his fingers tighten on the windowsill and he pleads with the darkness not to let Neil fall, because he’d never forgive himself if Neil fell for him, for his sake, for the sake of seeing him. 

And why? Why is the other question that nags at Todd as Neil skirts the windowsill, swings one leg up to clamber into his bedroom. Sure, they’re friends, but midnight visits in solemn shadow, pebbles thrown like stars, one leaning out the window to speak to the other like Shakespearian lovers.

It doesn’t make any sense. 

Todd isn’t paying attention when Neil finally tumbles through the window, making a shushing noise as though his shoes will obey him and not make a sound. 

He straightens up, and when he does, he’s nose-to-nose with Todd, who seizes up when he realises the position they’re in. 

But Neil only laughs, his perfect hair hanging into his perfect eyes, and Todd wants to reach up and brush it away, to see the other boy better. He doesn’t, though, and Neil is left with that task for himself. He takes it in stride, and when he smiles down at Todd, his eyes crinkle. 

Instinctively, Todd smiles back. 

“Hi,” says Neil. 

Todd’s reply is breathless, and Neil’s smile broadens. 

“Scared ya, did I?”

“Well who the hell prances about throwing pebbles past midnight?” asks Todd, as though expecting a legitimate answer. But for all Neil’s openness, his vibrant personality, he is noticeably quiet on certain topics. 

He snorts. “Prancing? I prefer gallivanting.”

Todd rolls his eyes in response. “Keating is getting to your head.”

“And yours,” says Neil, with twinkling eyes. “Can’t help but love him, though.”

Neil is often bold, but he rarely talks of love. Todd wonders faintly if it's because he’s never been loved wholly, properly. Only fragments here and there, what can be scavenged. Though Todd doesn’t understand how anyone could love Neil any less than wholly. Neil is magnetic, beautiful, powerful in his sense of self and conscious of the world around him. Todd has never met anyone like him. 

“So what are you doing?”

“Doing? Neil, I was asleep.”

He shrugs almost apologetically, then fishes a leather-bound book from the inside pocket of the jacket he’s wearing. “Feel like reading some poetry?”

⭒

It starts off with Whitman, and Byron quickly follows, to precede Shakespeare and Wilde, and then they halt with Wilde, because their voices have grown languid with the passing time, and it takes longer now to recite a poem than it did an hour ago. 

They’re sitting on the floor, leaned against Todd’s bed although the floor is cold, and Neil isn’t quite sure why they’re sitting on the floor, but he thinks it has something to do with the intimacy of sharing the space of someone else’s bed, a line Todd hasn’t offered to cross, and one Neil doesn’t dare to suggest— even if the floor is freezing.

But Todd’s side is pressed up against his, and so Neil is not as cold as he would have been. They lean against each other, and Neil reads aloud. 

In the words of Wilde he tells of the sun and the moon, of the moon retreating to her sombre cave as the night wanes to day, and the silence that love makes of a person. He reads of feelings seldom felt, though they are ones he feels strongly, and he thinks that he must be wrong in his assessment of himself, because surely, his heart should not be beating out of his chest for the one who sits beside him.

“But surely unto Thee mine eyes did show/Why I am silent, and my lute unstrung; Else it were better we should part, and go,” Neil reads, and he thinks that Todd is falling asleep beside him. “Thou to some lips of sweeter melody,” and Todd is most definitely asleep, because his head rests upon Neil’s shoulder, and Neil thinks of how lucky he is for Todd to trust him this way, “And I to nurse the barren memory/Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung.”

He finishes the verse, the poem, and there is a silence like that after rain. Soft, pure, and the world beneath is untouched, new, as the sun flits through the leaves to colour the Earth below in warm hues, firelight remnants. 

Or perhaps the silence is not what gives Neil this feeling, but Todd’s soft exhale on his shoulder. 

Neil smiles to himself. 

There’s a blanket on the end of the bed, and he reaches for it, drapes it over the boy beside him. Then slowly, carefully, he eases Todd’s head from his shoulder, and lets him curl up with his head upon a pillow, still on the floor, because Neil worries he’ll wake Todd if he tries to move him back to bed. But at least now the other boy is cocooned in warmth, and unbothered by the world around him. 

His cheeks are a little flushed, lips parted against the pillow. His hair is in his eyes, as Neil’s often is. Neil never brushes his own hair away. His mother used to do that. She doesn’t anymore, but he still hopes that one day she’ll return to her old habit. Neil wonders if Todd’s mother brushes his hair from his eyes. 

Neil resolves that it does not matter whether or not she does, but that one of the most gentle things in this world is to have one’s hair combed away from one’s eyes, and Todd is the gentlest person Neil has ever known. He’s fierce when sufficiently provoked, but quiet up until that point, and Neil admires that betwixt the cruelties of this world, there are still people like Todd who find it within themselves to be gentle. 

He stoops, and brushes the hair from his friend’s eyes, lets his touch linger. 

“Adieu, adieu, adieu,” he murmurs, because he has no words of his own for this moment, and must borrow from Shakespeare. 

Neil climbs out the window, finds footholds in the bush against the brick of the house, closes the window, and slips out into the night.

⭒

Todd wakes alone, and goes to school as usual. 

When he meets Neil in the morning, they do not speak of the night before. Still, Neil’s smile is bright and warm as the sun, and they talk between classes, stifle laughter at the same stiff-necked teachers that they always do, exchange glances with one another as Keating’s lesson of the day proves even more adventurous as the previous. 

He is getting to be better friends with the boys whom Neil keeps in company, as well, beginning to settle into a comfortable routine, and the lot of them meet in the cave on weekend nights as they always do. In content, it is much like the nights Todd spends with Neil, yet, the cave meetings have a different air about them. 

The days pass with school and homework, the bore of scholarly tasks made lively by the asides of his friends.

Todd loves the days, but he lives for the nights. 

Neil has now made a habit of coming to visit, sneaking up the climbing bush and letting Todd help him the last of the way through the window. 

He brings a book, or a leaflet, something to read, or the script for the play he’s in, so that Todd can help him to practice lines. Neil hasn’t told his parents about the play, so Todd’s house, in the middle of the night, is the safest place to practice. 

But Neil projects, as all good actors know to do, and Todd shushes him.

“My parents!” he reminds him, because they are asleep downstairs. But Neil’s speech only gives way to laughter, muffled by the wool of his sweater sleeve as he covers his mouth vainly, in an attempt to drown the sound. 

Soon Todd is laughing as well, and they’re not laughing, but giggling, and the sound is so absurdly childish that Todd shushes Neil with new fervour. However, Neil does not take note, rather throws his head back as his shoulders shake, and Todd reaches up and covers Neil’s mouth with his hands. 

Neil tries to bat away Todd’s hands, but Todd does not relent, a warning in his eyes. Neil ceases his giggling, and nods, to assure Todd that he will not laugh any more. 

Ever-trusting, Todd removes his hands from Neil’s person, but Neil starts laughing again as soon as he is free. 

Todd reaches up to cover Neil’s mouth again, more playful than in actual effectiveness, but immediately, Neil presses a kiss to Todd’s fingers, and Todd leaps back. 

“Neil!” he says, but Neil only laughs, and when the latter leaves in the twilight of the youthful morning, it’s with extra care to move in silence, as though to make up for the ruckus of earlier. 

Sometimes Neil brings food, pilfered from his own pantry, or from the dining hall at school, cookies and pieces of cake, fruit slightly bruised from being stolen and hidden away, but still always ripe and sweet. 

They read books and poetry, learn Shakespeare, trade stories over their pillaged feasts, listen to records at the lowest volume possible, parting in the morning with no word of the night. 

There is something comfortable about simply being in Neil’s presence. There is no pressure to do anything, to be anything in particular, and yet Todd feels that he could do anything, be anything— whatever he likes. So, in a rare moment of truth, he chooses to simply be himself.

He likes being himself. 

⭒

As midnight decisions often do, the lack of sleep earned by Todd and Neil in the company of one another catches up with them, and one day, the two are awoken by someone clearing their throat. 

But they are not in Todd’s bedroom when Neil lifts his head, lifts his head up from a desk and blinks sleepily to find Todd on his left doing the same. The classroom is otherwise empty, before they each notice Keating leaned against the table between them, his arms folded and his eyes crinkling at the corners as his gaze darts between them. 

“Morning, boys,” he says, and Neil thinks his smile broadens. 

“Mr. Keating,” he blurts, at the same time Todd says, 

“I uh—”

But Keating waves his hands, smiling still. “No, no. No trouble. I imagine my voice has a bit of a droll to it. I’m sure that’s why my first thesis presentation went as badly as it did.” He shifts, lifts his chin, narrows his eyes. “So, what’s keeping you up at night? Dreams? Or fears?”

Neil glances at Todd to see if he’s going to respond, but Todd only smiles, as though he knows something Neil doesn’t. 

A moment later, Neil realises that his glasses are askew on his nose, and adjusts them hurriedly, making a face at the other boy. 

Todd makes a face back, before they both remember Keating, and turn their heads in his direction once more.

His eyes twinkle. “Or,” he says thoughtfully, “each other?”

Neil swallows.

“We’ve been reading poetry,” says Todd, and Neil looks upon him with pleasant surprise. It is not often Todd speaks unprompted. 

Todd’s words are of truth, and Keating knows of the Dead Poets Society meetings in the cave. He should not, however, know of Neil’s late-night visits to Todd. And yet, something in his countenance persuades Neil that Keating does know.

“And poetry is all well and fine,” Keating responds, with his easy smile, “but you cannot dream if you do not sleep. And if you sleep in my class, you will miss some golden opportunities to follow your dreams.”

Neil fights laughter, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees that Todd is already in the throes of it, and so he gives up his solemnity and grins. 

“We are such stuff as dreams are made of,” Neil quotes, “and our little life is rounded with sleep.”

“Ah,” says Keating, “our good friend William. But, Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks/Within his bending sickle's compass come;/Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,/But bears it out even to the edge of doom. Love waits,” he says, “and you have time. So long as in sleeping, you wait as well.”

The eyes of their teacher twinkle again as he gathers up his things and proceeds to the open classroom door.

Todd turns to Neil. “What— what d’you think he meant by that?”

Neil stares after Keating, though he feels Todd’s eyes upon him. 

“No idea,” he says. 

He lies.

⭒

Todd has been keeping Neil’s secret for months now. Two months, to be exact, and all he has to do is keep it for one more night, because Neil’s father mustn’t find out. Neil’s father mustn’t find out that Neil is going to be in a play. 

But be in a play Neil will, and Todd has never seen him as happy as he is now. 

They’re all here in the wings. Todd and Charlie and Meeks and Pitts and Knox, with Chris, and Ca— well, actually, Cameron seems not to be here. Todd has no idea where he’s got to, but he hasn’t seen him, and to be honest, he doesn’t rightly care where Cameron is. But Keating is here too and Neil— beautiful, brilliant Neil— waiting for the lights to dim and for the last of the audience to take their seats. 

Neil is in costume— a simple thing, matching greenish-grey trousers and shirt, a crown of twining twigs and ruby berries upon his hair. The lot of them have been talking animatedly for the past few minutes, Neil the most animated of them all, but now Keating glances at his wristwatch and announces that they should probably make their way to their seats, before the theatre falls entirely dark. Murmurs of agreement ensue, and the gaggle of boys turn to follow Keating. 

Keating pauses, touches Neil’s shoulder. 

“Break a leg, ye merry Puck.” He grins, and Neil smiles happily. 

Meeks and Pitts wish Neil the same, and he nods his thanks. Knox tells Neil good luck, to the uproar of Charlie.

Charlie cuffs the back of Knox’s head, and Knox yelps. “What kind of idiot are you?” 

“You tell me!” says Knox. “What kind of idiot am I, Charlie?” 

“You don’t tell actors good luck!” Charlie rebuts. “That’s the kind of idiot you are.”

Charlie stalks off, and Knox runs after him. Their conversation floats back to Neil and Todd, who stare after them. 

“But what kind?! CHARLIE!”

Todd finds Neil laughing when he turns back to his friend. 

“They’re both idiots,” he says. “The same kind.”

“S why they get along so well,” Todd responds, and Neil nods his agreement. 

Then at once, his eyes flit away from the shrinking figures of Charlie and Knox, and when Todd looks at him, Neil’s gaze dances with light.

“What?” says Todd, a half-smile already upon his face. 

Neil’s eyes meet with Todd’s, and he grins. “I’m just so excited! I’ve never been this excited before, I mean, to be in a play, to be in an actual play, and not just any play, but Shakespeare— Todd!” Neil laughs delightedly, spinning in a wild circle with his arms outstretched, so that he nearly whacks Todd in the process. 

Todd laughs as well, and marvels at the colour of Neil’s eyes, a colour for which he has no name but the-colour-of-Neil’s-eyes-colour. He’s never seen a colour like this anywhere else, with the sheer spirit and liveliness it bears, despite the fact that it is only a colour, and colours cannot be neither spirited nor lively. But then there are Neil’s eyes, staring back into his, and Todd thinks that colours can most certainly be both spirited and lively.

“I’m so excited, I swear I could do anything.”

“Anything?” says Todd, as the lights begin to dim. 

“Anything! I could run a marathon—”

Todd laughs. 

“— scale a mountain, write a poem far better than yours—”

Todd scoffs, not at that Neil should be able to write something better than he, but at that Neil thinks Todd sets a standard for poem-writing in the first place. 

“— alright,” says Neil, “maybe not a poem better than yours, but still!” He’s breathless, now, eyes flitting from the stage lights to the stage itself, all about the world around him, and back to Todd. Always back to Todd. “I could fly,” Neil says. “I really think I could fly. I have this feeling.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah, a feeling,” he breathes. “Like I’m invincible. Like I could do anything.”

“That’s generally the definition of the word ‘invincible’,” Todd deadpans. But nothing can or will faze Neil Perry. 

“I’m so excited I could dance. Sing—”

“Yeah, got that. You could do anything.”

“Todd, I could kiss you, I’m so excited!”

It slips out, just slips out. That much is apparent to Todd, even as his cheeks flush crimson in the waning light, even as Neil’s eyes grow soft and Todd finds he can’t look away. 

It slips out, but Neil is entirely serious. 

Todd’s stomach does somersaults as he opens his mouth to stammer out that it’s fine, they can forget about what Neil’s said, but then Neil stoops and kisses him. 

Gently. Quickly. He’s drawn back again before Todd can think to respond, though he realises his eyelids have fluttered shut. 

When he opens his eyes, there’s a sigh on his parted lips, and he’s taken half a step forward, drifted toward Neil.

Neil’s face is impassive as he straightens up, but his eyes are soft and searching. 

Todd wonders what he’s searching for, but he once again has no time to react before someone calls,

“Neil, showtime!”

Neil drops his gaze to the floor and spins away from Todd, showing no signs of the adrenaline high that presently has Todd in its thrall, rushing through him like an opened dam— there’s no coming back from this. 

But before Neil gets too far away, Todd grabs his hand and squeezes. 

Neil doesn’t look back, though his fingers curl in Todd’s grasp. 

He disappears amongst the crowd of cast and crew before another word can be exchanged. 

Todd doesn’t think anyone saw them, but he understands Neil’s caution, even as his heart twists in his chest and he makes his way to Mr. Keating and the others in the audience. 

He settles into his seat as the lights finally fade into shadows, and Keating glances at Todd as though to ask if he’s okay. 

Todd gives a brief nod and turns his head toward the stage, hoping Keating cannot see the apprehension in his eyes. 

But as Neil and his castmates take the stage, Todd forgets everything but the show, and how talented Neil is as part of it. He chortles alongside the rest of the audience, smiles upon Neil with reverence, the way an astronomer would look upon a star, an artist upon their paints, an adventurer upon the undiscovered secrets of the universe. 

His heart is full, his hands are warm.

And Neil lights up the stage.

⭒

They’re taking their bows upon the edge of the stage, striding forward to be met with the standing ovation gifted to them by the audience, and as the house lights come back up, Neil sees his friends and Keating applauding, whistling, cheering for him. Sees Todd cheering for him, for once the loudest of them all.

And then the curtains are closing and Neil exhales the high coursing through his veins, throws back his head and laughs as his castmates shout and celebrate around him. They jostle, congratulating one another and him, and Neil congratulates them in turn. 

But then there's a cloud, because he’s being told that his father is waiting for him. 

He changes briskly, takes his duffle bag in one hand and his crooked crown in the other, and parts the grand drape. He doesn’t breathe as he lifts his gaze, and makes eye contact with his father.

Any hopes he had of his father understanding this talent of his, this acting, which is not a fleeting love but an enduring one, disappears when he next exhales, a puff of air in the coldness of night, gone before you have time to fully realise that it is there. 

Silently, Neil follows his father out the door. His friends fall upon him, some of them calling to him to congratulate him on his performance, others to invite him to some kind of afterparty. 

“I can’t, guys,” he is forced to say, though really he has no idea why it is that he can’t. Neil was good as Puck. Neil knows he was good. Can’t his father see that too?

Somebody says his name as he’s walking, but it’s not until the repetition of it that Neil startles to perceive Keating beside him.

“You have the gift! What a performance!” 

Keating is smiling and Neil smiles back, momentarily lost in that someone has spoken what he wants to hear. “You left even me speechless!”

It does not last. 

“Stay in the car,” Neil’s father growls. “And Keating. You stay away from my son.”

Charlie is shouting Neil’s name, shouting an appeal to Neil’s father, but the latter only glares, and Neil gets into the car without argument. 

As the car is started and driven away, Neil’s gaze lingers on Todd’s, through the window, through the snow. 

⭒

They’re walking back to school, where they’ve left their bikes, when Todd stops in his tracks.

The others have been talking, but Todd has been thinking. Thinking about earlier.

He can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. Or that something was wrong. Or will be wrong. 

And suddenly there’s an urgency that plagues him, and he has to see Neil, or he won’t be able to sleep that night, or any night.

He stops, turns, and then simply starts running. 

Carpe fucking diem.

“Hey— Todd!” Charlie is the one shouting, again. “What’re you—  where are you—”

“I’ll catch up with you guys later!” Todd calls back. 

“But where’re you going?!” says Meeks.

“Neil’s!” 

He begins to run properly, pumping his arms, letting the wind assault his senses as it whips the hair about his face, as he throws himself forward like he’s falling. And he is falling. But not because of gravity.

He barely knows where he’s going, but he and Neil have walked home together plenty a time, and so he remembers what street Neil lives on, by intuition, if not by name. 

When he reaches the street he’s looking for, he slows and nearly slips in the snow when he makes a hairpin turn onto the lane. 

From a run to a jog to a walk he slows, because now he’s looking for Neil’s father’s car to identify the house. 

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” Todd mutters as he hurries up the road, scanning left and right, left, right, left— right again. 

His heart is sinking and he bites his lip, starts to notice the cold, how his fingers tremble with it, his cheeks burning from the wind. 

And then he sees it. 

And he runs. 

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do once he gets there, but within moments, he’s there. He has to be here. 

He runs across the grass, and then, by sheer luck, he sees it: Neil’s crown from the play, sitting atop a windowsill in the upper floor of the house. 

Todd’s eyes scour the ground, but the snow is thick, and there are no pebbles. 

He glances up again, and that desperation seizes him. Back down to the ground, and still he sees nothing. But then the next time he looks up, there’s Neil, standing in the window, and the crown is upon his head. 

He stares forward into the darkness of the night, blankly, and Todd has rarely seen him this colourless. Still, there is something beautiful in those dark eyes, in the curve of his mouth and how it matches that of his shoulders. 

Todd considers shouting, but then he doesn’t want to wake the whole of the Perry household.

In one moment, Todd is watching Neil through the window, and in the next he has formed a snowball in his hands. 

He arcs it toward the window with a huff, never dreaming that it will land.

Much less dreaming that it will sail straight through the window— which appears to be open— and catch Neil upon his bare shoulder.

Neil startles with a gasp, the coldness of the snow instantaneous in reviving him from his reverie, and when he sees from whence the projectile came, his mouth falls agape. 

“Todd?”

“I— I don’t know how I’m going to climb a drainpipe in a suit but I’m—” Todd swallows, steels himself. “I’m going to do it.”

He braces one foot against the brick and grasps the drainpipe with both hands, attempts to hoist himself upward. 

“Todd, you’re crazy,” says Neil, and he’s leaning against the windowsill, the way Todd did the first time when Neil came to visit him. “This is crazy. Get down from there, you’ll fall!”

Sure enough, Todd slips, but he wasn’t really off of the ground in the first place, so it doesn’t matter. He looks up at Neil, standing in the window. 

“You’re crazy,” he replies. “And you’ll freeze to death. Get back inside.”

But Neil shakes his head. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Todd huffs in indignation. “Well, what then?”

Neil smiles. “Hang on.”

“Hang on?” Todd mutters, as Neil disappears from the window. “I’m still on the ground, how can I hang on?”

But then Neil reappears in the window, and drops a length of bundled bed sheets out the window. 

Todd dodges before they smack him in the head, then takes the end like a rope that’s meant for climbing. 

He calls to Neil in a stage whisper, “How do you just so happen to have bed sheets made into a rope?” 

“Silly goose,” says Neil. “How do you think I get out of the house when I go to visit you?’

Todd grins in response, and Neil mirrors. 

“Now come on. I’ve got you.”

With one final eyebrow raise directed at Neil, Todd shrugs and begins his ascent up the brick. 

It’s an arduous climb, particularly since Todd has never done anything like this before, but Neil’s grip does not falter, and soon Neil is pulling Todd through the window, and Todd is collapsing atop Neil on the bedroom floor. 

Todd blushes, embarrassed, but Neil laughs and winds Todd in his arms, and Todd feels as though his heart will burst. 

“What are you doing here?” Neil asks, when he stops laughing. But it’s more habit than actual askance, and Neil has rolled over so that the two of them are on the floor beside one another. He props himself up on one elbow and stares at Todd, that soft expression ever-prevailing. 

Todd shrugs, because he doesn’t know how to answer, doesn’t actually know what made him turn around and sprint through ice and snow to Neil’s house, and really, now that he’s here, it seems sort of ridiculous.

“Dunno. Couldn’t let you leave like that.” He’s mumbling, and something about what he says makes Neil’s face fall. It breaks Todd’s heart a little. “Neil?”

Neil presses his lips together, and Todd’s eyes trace constellations in the spattering of freckles that cover Neil’s shoulders. He repeats the other boy’s name quietly, and Neil inhales stutteringly. 

“My father’s sending me to military school.”

“What?” Todd says. “Military school?”

Neil nods, avoiding Todd’s gaze. 

“But what about Welton?”

“Pulling me out tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, but that’s— he can’t do that, can he? In the middle of the year?”

“He can,” says Neil morosely. 

Todd doesn’t know what it is that’s driving him any longer, but it certainly is not his head, because he grabs Neil’s hand. 

Neil looks up. 

“It’ll be okay,” Todd says. “I’ll write to you. We’ll all write to you. In a year, you’ll be eighteen, and then—” Todd’s being bold, forward, doesn’t know how he’s doing it, but he’s doing it, pushing his fingers through the hair that falls loosely over Neil’s forehead— “then you can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever?” inquires Neil, and the smile has returned to his voice, his eyes. 

Todd cants his head to one side, and he thinks that Neil has moved closer. Any closer at all, and Todd swears he will disintegrate. “Whatever you want,” he murmurs. But in truth, he’s not really thinking anymore, as Neil’s sigh fans his lips. 

“Can I kiss you again?”

Todd lets out a nervous giggle. “I don’t know, Neil. Can you?”

And Neil does. 

Neil kisses Todd deeply and steals the air from his lungs, the thoughts from his mind, the senses from his body, until there is nothing but thoughts of Neil and the curve of Neil’s body against his own. Neil is soft, like his smiles, and Todd feels himself melt, helplessly tracing fingertips over Neil’s skin, to touch those constellations he has only ever looked upon— and even so, rarely— lets Neil push the hair back from his face and kiss him with the lips that have for weeks read him poetry, shared emotions never shared with anyone else, breathed encouragement and compliment to no end, with ardour, with truth, with love. 

Then abruptly, Neil’s mouth is gone from Todd’s, and Todd groans his discontent.

“Do you really think I could do anything?” says Neil, his hands resting on either side of Todd’s face.

“Anything,” says Todd.

“So you think I could be an actor, for real?”

Todd snorts. “For real, I think you could do anything. Most easily of all become an actor. You were good, Neil,” he whispers. “Really good.”

Neil positively beams, and Todd resolves that he wants to see Neil smiling like this forever and always. 

He loves that he, of all people, can make Neil smile like this. 

“Come see me tomorrow,” Neil breathes, “before I go.” 

Todd promises to.

Neil seals the promise with a kiss. 

The two part, and Todd departs, but they reunite upon the morrow.

And when they part again, Todd begins his first letter to Neil, writes to him then and there. Tells him of how he and the others already miss him terribly, though in truth, Neil cannot yet be far down the road that leads from Welton. 

Todd writes to Neil that day, and the day after, and every day after that. 

A year later, he stops writing to Neil, and Neil stops replying, because they see one another every day, free of parents and free of Welton, free to be with their friends and with each other, free to meet their former English teacher for coffee on Thursday afternoons, because that is simply how it is supposed to be.

They are living their dreams, and they are truly free.

Twas thus, and always thus will be.

[ivyaugustetc]

@poetrusicperry: so i struggle with describing myself bc i tend to leave details out/forget about certain things and also don't like being perceived so it causes me to leave out details sometimes, sigh. but with that being said, here we go lol:

i'm 5'2 with super dark brown hair, super dark brown eyes, and a black hoop lip piercing. i'm *severely* introverted and have a hard time finding people who don't drain my social battery (since it dies out a lot faster than the average person); my alone time is what keeps me sane, and i always prefer to do things by myself. there are times when i do get super clingy and want to be held or talk to people, though. i have a lot of struggles with anxiety and depression. i've played hockey for fourteen years and i play in college rn along with being a writing major. i love to read, write, watch movies (i prefer movies to shows), spend an ungodly amount of time at the beach/on the coast (the beach/coast is one of the only places i feel completely at ease). ii love letter writing/receiving letters and wish ii had a pen pal. if i'm not wearing leggings/sweats and a hoodie, i'm probably in mom jeans and a cropped tank top. i absolutely ADORE cold weather, and any kind of heat (past like 80ºf makes me feel really sick). i drink a *lot* of tea, get really startled by loud noises or jump scares, and listen to music at any chance i get. neil is my fav poet and i love todd bc we're very similar socially. i don't have many friends, though i'm usually the "mom" of the group. i like to wake up early to get the most out of my day and i'm a huge sucker for retro anything (typewriters, polaroids, turntables, vinyls, etc.). i think that's all heh. sorry it was so long, but thank you in advance !!<3 (oh one last thing, i wear two necklaces that i never ever take off, and bracelets that i never take off either)

i love all of this. all of it. thank you so much for sharing it all!! it gave me so much inspiration omg here it is:

ship: i'm going to ship you with my sweet boy pitts + i think you would be besties with anderperry

notes:

you and pitts would meet because his younger sister would want to play hockey and her team would practice the same place you practice

you become friends with his sister first. she thinks you're legit the coolest person ever and one day she drags you over to meet pitts and announces that she wants to be just like you

so you see him every time he goes to pick up his sister but you never really talk until welton and he's like "hey isn't that the one that i literally fell in love with and then forced myself to realize i'd never see again? i think i'm seeing her again"

he would become your safe space at Welton, if that makes any sense (but he understands that sometimes you need your space ofc)

normally i don't feed into tropes but you guys are the epitome of the small and tall trope it's simply,,,, adorable

you'd meet the rest of the poets and suddenly you and pitts are the parents of the group, making sure no one does anything too stupid and that charlie doesn't evaporate or sumn

when there were times when you were feeling down or upset or something, pitts would not hesitate to sneak you out of whatever was stressing you out and go sit with you somewhere for as long as you wanted and talk about whatever you wanted

i get the feeling you'd watch a lot of movies together and make a big, big list of all the movies you watched together and which ones were your favorite

no horror movies though because neither of you like jump scares

"wait, wait i liked that one. can we watch that one again?" "you gave it a 4/10." "it was a bad day! and you gave it a 9/10 so i know you liked it."

you would bond over liking tea over coffee no matter how much shit charlie would give you (he lives off of plain black coffee)

he would go out in the snow and have snowball fights with you because he knows how much you love cold weather even though he kinda doesn't but whatever you're there so it's nice

but he loves the beach too! so it works out!

pitts would recognize how much you love your jewelry and would agonize for MONTHS trying to find a necklace or a bracelet to give you

when he finally does find the perfect one and give it to you, literally nothing makes him happier than seeing you wearing it every day

okie dokie onto you and anderperry!

neil loves anyone that's passionate about anything. doesn't matter what it is, but if its something you'll talk about for hours, he'll listen

he is,,,, incredibly impressed that you stick with hockey for so long (and a bit envious that you had the means to pursue your passions but WHATEVER)

he eventually talks to you about acting and how much he loves it, and seeing you stick with hockey for so long reminds him that having passion for things isn't something that goes away easily, and it gives him hope :')

you want a pen pal? here's todd anderson, someone who wants THE SAME THING.

you would break the ice by talking about writing and poetry and vintage stuff (because he loves vintage stuff because it romanticizes the past and what is poetry if not romanticizing the shit out of everything)

and one day you make a small comment in passing about how you want a pen pal and he's immediately like "...yes." "what?" "you said you wanted a pen pal? i w-i'll-yeah. yes."

long story short, you and pitts are the parents of the group who keep everything from falling to shit and i love that for both of you <3

[awanderingdeal]

5 times a Tremblay sibling kept a secret and 1 time they did not - Sydney

 The second part of this fic! And it’s Sydney’s turn. For the record, I know zero about hockey or Canadian prep schools, so despite some research there are probably many inaccuracies in this. Sorry!

CW: Pressure to go to university. Please message me if you would like any content tags added or feel I need to add to this list. 

Rating: G

See my masterlist for future and previous chapters

Thank you to @the-mouse-in-a-jumper and @anderperries for betaing this for me :)

And last, but most certainly not least, a massive thank you to @lumosinlove for the creation of the sweater weather universe and the wonderful OC’s (including the Tremblay siblings) within it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sydney felt like she couldn’t breathe as she walked the halls. She was supposed to be heading to math, but her mind was spinning and there was no way she was going to be able focus on derivatives at the moment. 

When her coach had sent for her, Sydney had assumed that it was a quick last minute question or update before the game this evening. That had been two class periods ago and she had only just left.

She found her favourite place to sneak an unauthorised break, a quiet corner where there were only bathrooms, and checked her watch as she slid down a wall. In fifteen minutes, the deserted oasis would be a jungle as students rushed to relieve their bladders in between classes. Sydney breathed in and out slowly, trying to control her breathing in the way her yoga teacher always told her to.   

She had asked her coach to print out a copy of the email that she had received. The paper it was printed on felt like it had weight. One letter sized piece of paper had never been so heavy. 

Coach Figg, 

Thank you for sending Sydney's tape. After reviewing it, I would be very interested in coming to see Sydney play in person. I took the liberty of checking your fixtures and noticed you have a game this evening. I am watching another player in your local area this morning and as such, would be available to see Sydney in the evening. Please get back to me as soon as possible to confirm this would be okay. 

Ryan Lemont,

Montreal Stars Scout. 

As she read the words again, it dawned on Sydney that this was actually real. It was actually happening. She’d dreamed of playing hockey professionally since her first fumbling steps onto the ice. She had to tell her parents. 

Of course her parents knew she played hockey. They even knew she planned to continue playing hockey after high school. This prep school; renowned for both its academics and its hockey programme, had been a compromise on the travel hockey that Sydney had wanted to play. It allowed her to play competitively whilst still leaving her eligible for NCAA schools in the US. The fact that she was going to college was assumed. 

When she had given her coach permission to send the tape, it had been with the belief that nothing was going to come of it. It would put her on the radar for when she was ready in a few years time. 

Sydney wasn’t self-depreciating, she knew that she had talent. A local newspaper had once described her as ‘a budding young talent. Quite the goalkeeper, even at fifteen.’ Scouting started early in hockey. American schools trying to halt young Canadians on their path to junior league hockey, so they could play for their colleges later. She'd spoken to schools and had good feedback. She was confident that she’d play hockey somewhere. This was different though. A professional team. It was too much for her barely 17 year old brain to comprehend. 

"Squid?" Logan, her brother, interrupted Sydney's thoughts. "Ca va?" he asked, walking towards her. The students in this school came from all over Canada, and so, despite being in the countryside of Quebec, people usually leaned towards talking in English. Logan clung onto his native language more than most. 

"Hey Lo," Sydney smiled up at him. He'd had a growth spurt in the last few months and her baby brother was looking more and more like a man as the days passed. "What are you doing here?"

Logan gestured to the doors further down the corridor, " J'allais aux toilettes," He glanced at Sydney before joining her on the floor, "I could ask you the same. C'est quoi?" 

Sydney didn't have time to answer Logan's question about what the paper was before it was being plucked from her hands. His eyes widened more and more as he read. 

"Sydney," Logan gasped. "The Stars! What did Papa et Maman say?" 

Trust Logan to get to the tricky questions straight away. Sydney played with her lip between her teeth, "I just found out, Lo. I'm still processing." 

"What about university? You know Papa will say that you have to go," Logan asked, playing with the edges of the paper. 

"Don't do that," Sydney grabbed the letter back, smoothing the wrinkles out. Superstitions were rife in hockey, and she couldn't shake the feeling that if the paper got damaged it would affect her performance tonight. "You think I haven’t considered that?" she whined, pushing her knees up and dropping her head into them before letting out a noise of frustration.

"My sister, playing for the Montreal Stars. That is so cool," Logan said, and Sydney could hear the grin in his voice. 

She looked up at him, "Calm down. They haven't even seen me play yet. It could be nothing." 

"And it could be everything," Logan argued. "You have to be positive. I'm going to go to Harvard and then I'm going to play for the NHL.” The confidence in the words reminded Sydney of their older sister, Aubrey. Most would have dismissed it as the lofty dream of a fourteen year old, but if anybody was determined enough to make it come true then it was her brother. “Just tell Papa et Maman. They'll come around," Logan continued. There was that confidence again. 

Sydney scoffed, "Easy enough for you to say. You could tell them that you had murdered somebody and they would help you cover it up. You're spoiled." 

"I can't help being charming," Logan said with a laugh. "Non, mais sérieusement, tell them. Papa is not a tyrant, he wants you to be happy. He just thinks university will give you the best start in life. I’m sure he can be convinced otherwise.”

"When did you get so wise, little brother?" Sydney smiled, pulling Logan close to her side. He pretended to resist for a token few seconds, but he had always been affectionate and soon squirreled in to her. "If you plan on going to Harvard, you should probably stop skipping English" 

"I told you..." Logan started, but Sydney waved him off.

"There are three sets of bathrooms between here and your classroom. Trois," Sydney smirked. "You might have the rest of the world wrapped around your little finger, but you forget I know you, Lo."

"You forget I know you, Lo," Logan mocked before his features morphed into a picture of perfect innocence. "You're still going to give me your English notes though, aren't you?" 

"More than likely, yeah." Sydney laughed. "Maybe I'm not so immune to those puppy dog eyes after all."

"Thanks, squid, you're the best," Logan hugged her a little tighter. "And you're going to be amazing tonight. Papa et Maman are going to be so proud, I promise."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just remember me when you're hoisting the Stanley cup, eh?" Sydney said, flicking Logan on his forehead. 

"Oww, that is assault," Logan whined, rubbing at his brow far more dramatically than warranted, making Sydney snicker. "I think you'll be lifting a cup before me anyway," he added.

"Alright, enough with the sucking up. Class is about to change. Maybe actually go to your next one?" Sydney said, shoving Logan away from her with a grin. 

[taelover]

13, anderperry ;)

Hi!! It’s the first time ever that I post a fic on Tumblr. It’s really exciting. For this, I made Neil and Todd as theater partners. Let’s say that Welton regularly do theater and you know, since it’s a all boys school, someones gotta play the girl. I got inspired by Tom Hiddlestone’s story about how Eddie Redmayne played a girl in a all boys school theater show. So, get ready!

Send me a ship from IT or Dead Poets Society and I’ll write a fic!

———

Todd wasn’t sure about the whole theater thing until Neil approached him.

“You’ve gotta do it!” Neil said, while holding the script in his hands. “It’s Shakespeare for Christ’s sake!”

Todd rolled his eyes and continued looking up on the ceiling. “Yeah but what about the role, huh? It’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t they find a girl outside school? I mean, Steven could do it too.”

He heard Neil’s giggle. “Meeks would only stutter, in fact, I can’t imagine him in a wig.”

“What makes you imagine me? Do I look like a girl? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Todd finally looked away from the ceiling to his roommate.

“No, that’s not what I am trying to say. Also, there’s no such a thing like ‘look like a girl’. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He had one his charming smiles on his face. “Let’s say you have a charm.”

“Charm of a girl?” “Charm of beauty.” Todd huffed and stood up. “It doesn’t make any fucking sense.”

“You’re pretty is all I’m trying to say.” Neil looked into Todd’s eyes and smiled widely. “And it’s a good thing, you’re different.”

Todd gulped and grabbed the script out of Neil’s hands. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot.” He opened a random page and tried to act like he doesn’t what Neil just said or in general, what he thinks about him. “But I’m only doing it because Keating said that it would effect out grades, that’s all.”

Neil immediately hugged his roommate. “Yes! Thank god! Go to Mr. Keating! I bet he would be really happy as well.”

———

“Hey Juliet, mind if I say, you look so pretty tonight!” Todd heard his friend, Charlie Dalton yell into the whole hall.

“Mr. Dalton, please, would you mind keeping it quiet?” Mr. Keating turned around to face one his favorite students with a calm smile on.

“Sorry, Mr. Keating. Won’t happen again.” Charlie grinned. He was sitting next to his friend, Knox Overstreet. Knox covered his mouth to stop his laughter. It wasn’t helping much.

“Todd, don’t listen to them. You look great.” Mr. Keating whispered to his worried student who had a huge blonde wig with a braid. “We need to have one last rehearsal and then we are done.”

Neil walked up behind Todd’s back and held one of his shoulders. “It’s been going great Mr. Keating.”

Mr. Keating just smiled and nodded. “Well, beware of the kissing scene. I didn’t let you two kiss, because I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable but please try to do it natural on the stage. You don’t have to feel ashamed.” He left before his students would reply back.

“You heard him, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Neil smiled at his co-star. “It will last in a second. You’ve done that before, right?”

Todd gulped. “Yeah, sure.” His friend didn’t seem to believe it but he went along with it.

“It’s not much of a romantic kiss, you know. Just play along.”

———

“Your hand is like a holy place that my hand is unworthy to visit. If you’re offended by the touch of my hand, my two lips are standing here like blushing pilgrims, ready to make things better with a kiss.” Todd felt like he was going to faint when Neil said these words to him for the hundredth time. He knew that nothing has changed over the script, but now they were on the stage, people were watching them and they were going to finally kiss.

“Good pilgrim, you don’t give your hand enough credit. By holding my hand you show polite devotion. After all, pilgrims touch the hands of statues of saints. Holding one palm against another is like a kiss.”

“Don’t saints and pilgrims have lips too?”

“Yes, pilgrim—they have lips that they’re supposed to pray with.”

“Well then, saint, let lips do what hands do. I’m praying for you to kiss me. Please grant my prayer so my faith doesn’t turn to despair.” They heard some of the people from the crowd cheer. With Charlie’s lead.

“Saints don’t move, even when they grant prayers.”

“Then don’t move while I act out my prayer.” Todd gulped and slowly turned his face towards Neil. He had a half smile, which turned Todd on, leaned towards to him. They both closed their as they kissed each other. Neil’s lips were gentle and warm. Todd didn’t think Neil had the same pleasure as he did. Todd felt butterflies in his stomach.

“Now my sin has been taken from my lips by yours.” Neil as Romeo said. Whole crowd went crazy about it. Everyone was cheering and some of them were whistling.

“Then do my lips now have the sin they took from yours?”

“Sin from my lips? You encourage crime with your sweetness. Give me my sin back.” Todd could see that Neil’s eyes were sparkling. He was a great actor, indeed. Even his eyes could act better than Todd. They leaned forward to each other for an another kiss but this time, more intense. Todd held Neil’s cheek as he held his waist.

———

The play went well. Neil did good as always and Todd was unsure of himself, as always. After they closed the stage and claps went away, all the cast members were by themselves, talking about how the night was so epic.

“I want to thank everyone,” Mr. Keating made a surprise entrance. “who helped us along the way and of course, all of you. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t cherish Shakespeare’s work.” Everyone started to clap.

Neil glanced at Todd for a second. They both had wiped away their makeup but Todd still looked glamorous. Maybe it was the effect of the stage.

———

“It was amazing! I can’t-“ Neil was still energetic after they walked into their dorm room.

Todd only giggled but he still felt weird after their many amounts of kisses on the stage that night. Neil was his first kiss and some of the things about this was making him feel weird. First of all, he had to do it in front of the whole school. Secondly, it was with Neil. Thirdly, he was a guy, fourth he was his roommate. And lastly, he enjoyed it. He couldn’t exactly verify that he wouldn’t have enjoyed the kiss if it was with a girl because he had never kissed one but even though he had all of those weird feelings inside of him, he was glad that he had to do it first with Neil.

“Can’t you hear me?” Neil touched Todd’s shoulder. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Todd shrugged. “It was really great, thank you for pushing me to get my act on.”

“No worries, in fact, I think you should join the drama club.”

“Never in a million years.” Todd smiled lightly. “It was only one time thing. First and the last.”

Neil sat down on his bed and stared at Todd for a while. “Was it the first?”

“Yeah, I just said it. First and the last.”

“I didn’t mean the play. I meant the kiss.” Todd gulped and looked Neil in the eye. He nodded and quickly looked away.

“I knew it.” Neil smirked. “I hope it was okay for you, because it was for me.”

“Really?” “Yeah, maybe more than okay.” “You’re just saying that to make me feel okay.”

Neil stood up and now he was taller than Todd. “Would I do this if I just wanted make you feel better?”

He leaned over to the shorter guy to kiss him again after the play. It was more soft and real than the ones they shared before.

Todd backed away slowly. “Why did you do that?”

Neil bit his bottom lip. “Because I wanted to make sure if you would want to do it a dozen of time in the future. I had to make it clear.”

Todd giggled. “I’d like that.” Their foreheads were touching. “Actually, I want one more.”

They smiled into their kiss as Todd hand went through Neil’s hair.

He knew that this story wasn’t like a story that Shakespeare has written but it was a story that his story had caused.

And he couldn’t thank Shakespeare, Mr. Keating and Welton (for not having girls in the school) enough.

[wordshakers]

Breathless- an Anderperry oneshot

It’s been years since I’ve attempted writing any fanfiction, but something about Anderperry literally inspired me to the point where I HAD to write something. 

Rated: M for language

Todd’s trying to write a poem about the boy he’s fallen for, without much luck. Neil shows up and distracts him. Fluffy first kiss stuff bc I love them.

Let me know what you guys think, and if you’d read more if I wrote it. I’m so inspired by these two oh my god

God, why was this so difficult?

Autumn sunlight streamed through the window, casting uneven shadows on Todd’s notebook as he sat on his bed, racking his brain for words that could somehow encapsulate how he felt.

Normally, he didn’t have issues like this when it came to his poetry. Nature, freedom, truth— for any other topic, words seemed to flow directly onto the page, as if he hardly needed to try at all.

But this was different. This was Neil.

Neil. Even thinking the name was enough to make Todd’s stomach explode with butterflies and his heart pound in his chest. He honestly couldn’t tell if he was lucky or unlucky to have this boy as his roommate, this boy whose smile and eyes lingered in his head for hours, relentlessly distracting him from anything and everything.

No words seemed good enough to describe Neil. Nothing seemed to do him justice, to articulate just how goddamn perfect he was to Todd. And although Todd was certain that this poem would never be shared, for some reason that made it all the more important to get right. At least he had at least another ten minutes before Neil got back from rehearsal.

Suddenly, the door opened, and there he was.

Todd’s face flushed pink as Neil entered the room, script in hand, grinning. He was back early. Neil shut the door behind him and pressed his back up against it, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly. “Todd, I swear to God, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

Paranoid as he was that Neil would see the title of the poem that was sitting in his lap, Todd couldn’t hold back a smile. “Neil, I’m so happy for you.”

“I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round, through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier,” Neil recited, ecstatic, dropping his script and running right up to Todd with that smile that made his knees go weak, “Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound, a hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire!”

Todd laughed, Neil’s joy was more infectious than anything he had ever known before. He was so lost in Neil’s excitement that he almost forgot about the notebook in his lap, until—

“Hey, have you been writing? What about?”

Todd panicked, grabbing the notebook and pressing it up against his chest. “Um, I— it’s nothing,” he stammered. The last thing he needed was for Neil to find out… well, everything.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Todd, I’m sure it’s great. Remember your poem in Mr. Keating’s class? You’re a natural.” Neil said kindly, sitting down next to him on the bed.

“Um.. it’s not finished yet… I…” Todd scrambled to come up with an explanation, gripping the notebook against his chest for dear life, trying to ignore the fact that Neil was sitting so close to him, let alone where they were sitting.

Neil smirked at him, making Todd’s breath catch in his throat. “Okay,” Neil said cheekily, as if he was hiding something. He began to stand up, and Todd finally began to relax, when suddenly—

Neil grabbed the notebook out of Todd’s hands and Todd’s stomach dropped. Shit!

Neil started running to the other side of the room, and Todd chased after him in a panic. “Neil, please, give it back!” he begged, not wanting Neil to see the title on the page, really not wanting Neil to see the little hearts. He was so focused on his task that he completely forgot that Neil had dropped his script on the floor.

Just as Neil turned back to look at him, grinning, Todd tripped over Neil’s script and stumbled, falling forward. Seeing the shock on the other boy’s face as he started to fall, Neil reacted without even thinking, reaching out and grabbing Todd, preventing him from falling and dropping the notebook in the process.

It had all happened so fast, Todd could barely believe the moment was real. Neil’s left arm was firmly grabbing his, and his right arm was wrapped around the small of Todd’s back. And on top of all that, their faces were barely a few inches apart. Todd was suddenly breathless.

The eye contact was electric, intense, and unblinking. Neil’s eyes flickered down to Todd’s lips for not even half a second, and Todd’s knees went so weak that he silently thanked God that Neil was already holding him up.

Todd could barely process reality as he became aware of Neil’s breath against his lips and holy shit he’s so close and his heart was pounding as he realized the three inches between their faces had shrunk down to two… one…

“N-Neil,” he began to stammer, but he could barely form the word before Neil’s lips were on his.

It was like nothing Todd had ever felt before, like fireworks and electricity deep inside him. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined he would ever actually get to kiss Neil Perry, and here he was, lips soft and full and delicious, kissing him back more passionately than Todd could have ever dreamed. He felt intoxicated, his knees completely buckling from under him, Neil’s vice grip on his back tighter than ever. Todd never wanted this to end.

The kiss couldn’t have lasted longer than ten seconds, but when the two boys finally pulled apart Todd could have sworn that it lasted at least ten minutes. Dizzy, flustered, and breathless, Todd almost refused to believe that they really just kissed, but when he opened his eyes, there was Neil, looking just as stunned and red-faced as him.

‘Neil?” Todd said softly, hesitantly, looking up into the other boy’s eyes. “Did that really just happen? Did— did you just kiss me?”

Neil nodded, staring so intently at Todd that he almost felt Neil could see inside his head. “You… you kissed me back.”

“Of course I kissed you back,” Todd breathed out, unable to hold back with Neil still holding him like this. “I thought— I mean, I never wanted to assume that you were—”

“I know. I know. I didn’t either—”

“But this means you are—”

“Yes, Todd, I am gay, and—”

Neil was cut off by Todd’s eager lips on his this time, and he melted into the kiss, Todd suddenly feeling vastly more sure of himself than he did a minute ago.

When the kiss broke, Neil’s eyes stayed shut for half a second longer, as if he was trying to process that this was reality, his breaths coming slow and heavy.

“Todd… I… I’ve wanted this for so long,” he finally said, opening his eyes to look at the blond boy.

“You too?” Todd asked breathlessly, still in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Neil said, unable to keep himself from smiling. “I feel like I need to pinch myself.”

“So do I,” said Todd, before suddenly realizing the possible consequences of this. “Neil, but what about your father?”

Neil’s brow furrowed, concerned, before he suddenly and decidedly shook his head. “No. Fuck my father, he’s not taking this away from me too.”

“Are you sure?”

“More than I’ve ever been.”

Todd looked at Neil for a moment, and his mind began to buzz through the realm of possibilities opening up before him now that his feelings were confirmed to be reciprocal. Holy shit. Is this heaven?

“So…” Todd said knowingly, confidence rising. “There’s nobody else in here.”

Neil raised his eyebrows. “That’s true,” he started, a smirk forming on his lips. “What do you suggest we do?”

Todd’s heart skipped a beat, enjoying the building tension. “Clearly, what we should always aim to do.” He looked directly into Neil’s eyes. “Seize the day.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” Neil breathed out, pressing his forehead against Todd’s. “Carpe diem.”

And with that, they were kissing again, and Todd knew that from now on, he would never run out of words when it came to describing Neil. This poem had practically written itself.

[cupiiid]

some HAPPY anderperry headcanons (which is really more of a short story) because im sad and want to do something nice :')

-it was todd who made the first move

-after the play (which mr perry never found out about), back in their dorm, todd kissed neil and then told him how much he meant to him (in that order)

-neil just had this surprised look on his face, like he couldn't believe it was happening ('you like me??' 'yeah?? why'd you think i kissed you??')

-neil is over the moon

-they take things slow because it's their first relationship and it has to be a secret of course because it's the 1950s but they couldn't be more happy

-its charlie who works it out first, being neil's best friend and all

-charlies known about neil's feelings for todd for ages. hell, he was the first person neil ever came out to as well as his first kiss and he is awfully perceptive, more than the poets ever give him credit for. he noticed the small changes in neil's demeanor as well as todd's

-one day, neil and todd are making out in their dorm. they were too caught up in each other to lock the door so all of a sudden, charlie bursts in

-they break apart quickly but charlie's already seen them kissing ('aha! i knew it!!' 'charlie, please don't tell anyone')

-charlie promises to keep their secret but soon meeks starts to look at them suspiciously and they decide (after much input from charlie) to tell their friends they're together

-even though they're all close as hell, it's still a massive risk that scares them to death. cameron is their biggest worry but charlie assures them he'll do everything to protect them if something goes wrong

-one dps meeting, they're in the cave and it just feels right, so neil looks at todd and it's like they're thinking the exact same thing so neil just comes out with it and tells them they're together

-they're mostly met with confused looks ('oh..?' 'oh?' 'we kind of already knew' 'what??') turns out neil and todd weren't as slick as they thought. meeks and pitts put it together ages ago, cameron had his suspicions and knox... knox had no idea

-meeks and pitts are supportive of the relationship obviously. surprisingly, knox is the one who takes a little while to convince. he's not against it per se, just confused. ('wait, neil, i though you were into ginny danburry??' 'w h a t')

-everyone waits for cameron's opinion. he's stiff and a little uncomfortable but doesn't really care that much ('oh okay' '...that's it? that's all you have to say?' 'yep') however, neil and todd don't miss the way cameron's eyes wander over to charlie every now and again, looking awfully like they used to look at each other before they got together

-todd makes a mental note to talk to cameron about it at some point

-neil and todd are still scared about the future especially as two gay people in the 1950s but they know they'll always have their friends and each other for support

-in the end, all is well and no one dies :)

[maxinewrites]

To be or not to be.

I rewatched Dead Poets Society earlier this year, and for some reason this rewatch really resonated with me. And I’ve fallen down the anderperry rabbit hole. Enjoy. 

Brief mention of suicide a few paragraphs in. //

___

Should I tear my arms out now? I wanna feel your touch.

Should  I tear my eyes out now? Everything I see returns to you somehow. 

Should I tear my heart out now? Everything I feel returns to you somehow.

Sufjan Stevens. 

___

Todd doubts he knew what love was before Neil; his parents prove to only spare enough for one son.

Neil showed him how it felt to be loved. He dared to believe in him when no one else would. Perhaps because his parents didn’t believe in him, either.

It’s been two months since he died.

Todd tosses and turns. With each blink, he sees Neil’s breath as it trailed from his lips in the cave. He sees him blowing warmth into his hands, he sees the fire that crackled in his eyes, the kind  that threatened to burn and consume him. Neil reminds him of snow, of freezing, trembling, red fingers wrapping around a jacket, snapping branches underfoot. Childish whispers in the dark. The taste of blood on chapped lips; a flickering lantern.

He looks at the night’s shadow and how it makes a home out of Neil’s bed. He blinks twice; he wonders where Neil is, and if he should go find him.

A dreadful, dreadful cold claws at the windowpanes and swallows Todd whole.

He’d given himself six months at most at Welton before pulling the trigger.

But Neil stepped between him and the gun as soon as their eyes met on Todd’s first day, and something told him, something pulled him by the neck and begged him. He shouldn’t go through with it.

He couldn’t.

Todd turns over.

He is continuously chewed and spit out by grief. 

___

Guilt is purgatory in its purest form.

He should’ve known after many early mornings at the cave, where both of them knew nothing of consequences. When Neil started to waver onto uncharted territory; into someone Todd didn’t know anymore. Into someone no one knew about. Somewhere he didn’t hide behind capital-N Neil, who was supposed to come into a room and charm everyone off their feet like a thunderstorm raging at sea.

That was who he was supposed to be. In the cave, he was who he was meant to be.

He was just a boy.

He was just a frightened boy.

But he wasn’t just anyone to Todd.

His brain was a broken, static ridden radio, fading in and out.

He...should...have. Known...should. he...should’ve-

Had Neil known? What had he seen when he’d looked into Todd’s eyes?

Those three words stung like a whip to his back.

Had he seen someone worth saving?

Todd is numb.

He has so much love in his body, a love which could break every one of his bones if the universe allowed it. A love that was so reckless within him that it tore through every single thought, every single excuse and every single anxiety.

Yet, it cowers before his lips and stays imprisoned in his teeth; yet through all of this, Todd only knew one thing:

In the end, his love wouldn’t have been enough to save him. God knows he would’ve tried anything, every goddamn thing, regardless.

He had given himself a year before he’d confess his love to Neil. After Welton, at most. He blushed at how obnoxiously childish it all was; it made his head spin.

He started to write Neil poems. He’d write Neil poems and drop them in all his schoolbooks, or his jacket pockets. They were about everything that Todd loves about Neil. Except Todd never signs them, or gives out any clues. A secret admirer. 

Todd remembers so clearly how Neil  would come into the room and start to mumble excitedly to him that he had found a new one. How it seemed to be this electrifying moment that existed only between them. Powerful,  intimate, subtle and quiet. A brush of hands, crinkling paper and a quivering knee.

They had come to clear out his space of the dormitory at the end of the week. An overwhelming, crippling terror overcame Todd’s heart.

He kept them. And Todd had absolutely no idea where Neil could’ve hid them.

Todd couldn’t breathe. He choked, sobbed and trembled, red faced and desperate up the stairs.  Before they could get to them - unless they already had. He tripped at the threshold of the door, nearly taking the aging knob clean off.

Todd tore through Neil’s desk,he threw the drawers off to the side, he shuffled through papers and books, finding nothing, until -

Until, amidst the tornado of paper, he found a shoebox at the furthest end of Neil’s bed; out of reach and out of sight through thick cobwebs and the smell of must. He had read them multiple times, the pages wilting at the corners, showing hints of miniscule rips at the bottom edges.

___

Todd had gone home for the holidays. His face was tinted in orange; his eyes reflected not life, but flames. A bead of sweat made its way down his forehead.

Todd’s bony hands shook as they held the notebook of poems. Each letter weighed tons.

He threw them in. The fire crackled and popped indifferently, taking over not only the notebook, but the entire room, consuming the lanky, worn, weary boy who stood in front of it. He was nothing more than a shadow.

He walked away.

He remembered every single one of them anyway.

___

Todd’s breath moves like a spirit throughout the cave. Sometimes, he comes here to see if he’d feel anything; but it had been so long since their last dead poets meeting that all sense of warmth, all sense of belonging, was gone.

He won’t allow himself to remember.

He won’t allow himself to remember how Neil’s eyes would hold his. Todd could never drown in them; they made him feel invincible, they took him to a place within himself where he felt safe. Todd felt so vulnerable during these moments, yet so, so exhilarated all at once; he’d follow Neil to the ends of the universe.

When he looked into Neil’s eyes, for once in his life, he wasn’t afraid.

When Neil had spoken so tenderly to the dark, after the others had left, Todd would let himself create a future in which they could be together. In which they didn’t have to be half asleep messes, sleepwalking through their sentences. In the morning, their words became dreams they couldn’t quite recall.

The moments they could recall were the ones where they didn’t have to speak at all. The ones where their eyes would chase each other playfully over the planes of their faces. Teasing. Testing. Their hearts playing a dangerous game.

Neil had almost given in. Almost.

Those moments hurt the most.

His mouth had been open, slightly, shuddering out nervous exhalations.  It almost didn’t feel real, the way the light of the flashlight elongated his eyelashes and made his eyes look like two individual suns; he was just a projection flickering on the wall. Todd had no choice but to rotate around them, never getting the courage to get too close, but yearning for his heat. His cheeks were pink. He couldn’t look away.

Todd was so intrigued by how nervous Neil became around him. Neil  wanted to love him, he wanted Todd to feel as special as he thought him to be. He knew that words, poetry... wasn’t enough.

Neil blinked twice and looked down. Click click. Switch. In his mind, the clock had struck midnight. Reality beckoned them with a gust of wind. The breeze had swept the moment up like it was nothing, blowing out the fire in Neil’s eyes like a birthday candle.

He wasn’t enough for Todd.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

Charlie.

Charlie sits beside him. He stares; two months ago they would’ve felt miles away from each other.  Slouching in the cave now, they look the same. Pale, red eyed and betrayed.

“When I first came to Welton, I was scared out of my mind. I wasn’t like the other boys. My family, they aren’t rich, Anderson. While the others strive to be scientists or doctors like their fathers, my parents sacrifice every penny so that I can avoid being like them,”

Todd had never heard Charlie be this open about his feelings. I guess the cave brought that out in everyone. That was the magic.

“I never spoke up in class, because I thought I’d never measure up. The other boys, they’re so much smarter than me, they have the money, the contacts. A future. And no matter how hard I tried, I was still lagging behind.”

Charlie laughs humorlessly. “I looked at Neil and wanted to be like him. Involved, confident, charming and smart,” he swallows. “And somewhere along the way, I started having feelings for him. I don’t know if they were real, or if I was just attracted to the fact that he was someone I could never be.”

Todd finally looks him in the eye.

Charlie knew. Charlie understood.

“He taught me that I could be all of those things. Those weren’t things you could buy. He taught me that I needed to use my struggle as a strength. Because all of them know how to crunch numbers, but none of them know what it’s like to be poor. None of them know gratefulness like I do. Thanks to Neil, my differences gave me a voice. And I will forever be in debt to him for that. I can tell he gave you a voice, too.”

Except it was gone, except Neil was gone, except Todd hadn’t spoken since Keating left.

Tears fall silently from Charlie’s face, but he makes no effort to wipe them away. He looks Todd in the eyes and holds his hand like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.

“I want you to know that he loved you.”

“But did he know that? That I-”

Charlie holds him, because that’s what friends do;  put each other back together again, piece by piece.  His jacket is patched with tears.

“He didn’t know he was loved, Charlie.”

They sit there, shivering. The silence feels different when it allows another person; suddenly it didn’t feel like the world was crashing down on his shoulders.

“Tell Meeks you love him,” Todd says, “before it kills you.”

Charlie’s mouth tilts up slightly, but he doesn’t reply.

___

The sun was starting to rise over the city. For the first time in a long time, Todd wasn’t awake to greet it.

He slept through the night.

Every morning, an inexplicable joy seizes his heart, because he’s in New York City! The home of dreamers and word weavers.

New York! He studies literature, writing and poetry. He’d published his first set of poems just the week before.

It has been two years since he died.

Except now, he doesn’t wonder where Neil is.

He never left.

Neil is within every word, every stanza he breathes.

Being up on stage, projecting his voice out to the audience, it didn’t scare him like it used to.

He had grown to love the vulnerability. Vulnerability gave him a power he couldn’t explain.

When he was on stage, he could see Neil in his periphery, smiling at him. Looking at him like he was the only voice in the room. The only person that mattered.

He goes to plays every few months.

He remembers the first few he ever went to, and how he could never make it towards the end. He’d rush outside for a breath of fresh air.

For a second, just one, he’d see Neil on stage, elegantly reciting his lines. He’d be moving gracefully away into a universe in which he didn’t have to be himself.

The world would rotate on its axis a tad too fast. His head would spin and start to hurt. He could taste bile at the back of his throat. For a second, just for a second, he would be furious with Keating. If he hadn’t opened up the book of verse, if he hadn’t tried out for goddamn Midsummer Night’s Dream...Neil would still be here, snoring softly from the bed across!

But it wouldn’t have mattered. Neil would’ve been a slave to his father’s wishes and felt trapped in a job he didn’t choose. He would’ve drowned in the regret. Maybe it was inevitable. Todd wondered if it was meant to be. More meant to be than a relationship between them.

He’d slump down on the brick wall and stare into space. He’d feel numb all over again.

God, he was so tired of the crying…what good did it do? Todd had nothing more to get rid of. He’d worn himself thin.

“Hey. Hey, are you alright?”

A warm hand rested on his shoulder. It took him nearly a minute to register it.

A man was kneeling in front of him, a concerned look in his pretty green eyes. His face still had a dash of makeup on it. He must’ve been one of the actors. Everything was bleak in Todd’s mind. He couldn’t remember seeing him on stage.

“Can you hear me? Are you okay?” It still sounded distant, but closer to Earth than before.

“Y-yes,” Todd managed  to reply. The cold bit him fiercely and he remembered he’d ran out without his coat.

The stranger helped him up. His brown hair was dotted with snowflakes.

“Jesus, you’re freezing. Have my coat.”

He helped Todd put it on, talking to him softly, as one would a child. It was incredibly comfortable and smelled a bit like pine…

“I’m William,” he told Todd, “William Allen.”

And suddenly, Todd remembered his face from the playbill; he was playing Puck.

William’s eyes were warm like a campfire. Kind of like Neil’s, Todd thought, but they didn’t consume him. They made him feel loved, nurtured and not like he was a phoenix being burned alive and reborn. It didn’t hurt, looking at him. It wasn’t so goddamn complicated.

Except Todd didn’t know this at the time, and he wanted to just jump in the flames. He was made stupid by his pain. Anything to fill the lack.

“T-todd. Todd A-anderson.”

“Well, Todd Anderson,” he began, his breath visible in the late night, “I know it’s not exactly the best idea to go home with strangers in New York City, but I don’t trust you on your own. Do you want to stay at my apartment for tonight? I’ll hail a cab,”

Todd was so unbelievably cold that he could only nod. William blew warmth into his hands as they waited. He didn’t ask any more questions that night.

Leave it to Todd to fall for another actor. Leave it to Todd to fall for a Puck.

___

It was alright for a while, Todd supposed. Though not nearly as perfect as he’d hoped, or envisioned it. The artist’s curse.

He’s been dating William since that moment outside the theatre.  It’s lovely; he;s always running from place to place, getting Todd out of the house on his bad days. Sometimes, he can barely keep up. William keeps him busy, keeps him on his toes and steers Todd back to sanity again when he strays.

Todd doesn’t know why he bothers.

Because when the sun came down, those terrors still crept in, tiptoeing around his brain. In the mornings, Neil’s name would be on his lips, and William just held him. He wonders how much longer until his love wouldn’t envelope them both.

He loves Neil, he does, but sometimes, Todd wishes he’d let him go. He wishes he’d make enough room in his own heart for another person.

I want you to know that he loved you.

Todd awoke, gasping softly into the cool bedroom.

He looks at William now, asleep next to him. His mouth is open, his glasses askew. A book lays  face down on his chest.

He had stayed up in case Todd awoke.

Todd smiles, subtly.

He decides that maybe it’s time to love himself.

It’s time he let others love him.

Neil never got a happy ending, but that didn’t mean that Todd didn’t deserve one.

That was the only thing Neil would have wanted.

[plagg-wants-cheese]

Uhh okay so I'm copying and pasting this but it's like a list of fics I like because my friends told me to give them fic recs or pay their therapy because I made them watch dps with me kdksks- also this was originally written in Spanish so I blame the translator for anything

- Speak Low: a modern AU in which Neil lets daddy issues keep him from telling Todd how he feels, Charlie doesn't know how to knock, Meeks and Pitts are the only characters with brain cells, and the Neil Perry Support Group is born.

This fic my reason for living.

I would read this 10 times instead of watching dps. I read it 2 times in it's entirety, it's 17 chapters long enough but I totally recommend it. It is Anderperry centric but has Knarlie in the background. It does Cameron justice without taking away that he did bad things. It talks about Neil's depression and Todd's anxiety with seriousness. They drink, they fight, they're all queer and they're teenagers being teenagers.

It has a short story in the same series called A Pair of Us that happens at the same time as Speak Low but it's about Meeks and what it's like to be aroace in the group.

- If I Needed Someone: After having an awkward encounter with his ex at the grocery store, Knox pretends to go out with his best friend until, finally, they go out for real.

This fic is the reason I want to die.

Starting because, and don't say I didn't warn you, it's not finished yet and it was updated at ✨ f e b r e e r o ✨ but I love it. It's the reason why I shipe Knarlie. At the beginning if it's annoying that there isn't more but it doesn't stay on bad terms then it could be some questionable ending.

It has comparisons to Speak Low because the authors are friends and helped each other in the editing.

There is a L O T of Beatles references, of course because If I needed someone, and Charlie is chaotic but he is super in love and super soft for Knox and Knox is awkward af and listens to too much 60s music.

Implied sexual content because Charlie is Charlie and flirts with Knox from paragraph 2.

They do stupid things, dance in the middle of nowhere and throw around amounts of money it would take me a lifetime to earn on t-shirts and a Beatles vinyl.

- The Other Prince: The King requests that the guard Neil be the prince's bodyguard.

Anderperry. Royal!AU where Neil is a knight and Todd is a prince. 

Charlie is disaster <3

8 chapters so far still in progress. 

- Not that Type of Party: When Mr. Keating gives Neil two very large, very heavy, and very much loved books titled "The Dungeon Master's Guide" and "The Player's Handbook" and a bag full of seven sets of dice, no one could have expected what was about to begin at Welton Academy.

Besides, it's just a game, anyway. It's not like it's going to change lives or anything, right?

AKA what if the Dead Poets Society was a Dungeons and Dragons party?

What can I tell you, it sounds ridiculous? But it's really good

Anderperry. Fluff and angst. Chaos in Welton.

4 chapters, in progress.

- He, who inspires me: where Neil finds Todd's poetry book and reads it out of curiosity, but also discovers his own feelings.

Anderperry. It's very nice, soft midnight walks, Neil is super regretful, Charlie has neurons when he wants them.

It's very very very veryyy well written, the poems too and it has 3 chapters. It's finished.

- Walking Clichés: Neil and Todd. Their relationship has been riddled with clichés from the beginning, why not start this new page of their lives the same way?

Neil wants to propose to Todd.

Todd wants to propose to Neil.

The poets are going to have a crisis because they're both equally dumb and in love.

Time of death: 3 am. HAS EVERYTHING BUT THE PROPOSAL. I THINK I CHECK THE FIC EVERY DAY AND I'M STILL MISSING THE LAST CHAPTER.

NEIL AND TODD DESERVE THE WORLD AND I DESERVE THE LAST CHAPTER.

2 chapters, missing 3.

- The Pursuit of Two Left Feet: Neil made the mistake of telling Charlie about his feelings for a certain blond poet and, in true Nuwanda style, did some mischief. Now, caught up in a plan to sneak out of school to go to an underground swing dance club, Neil has to do his best and pray to God that his father doesn't find out. Hopefully, Neil will get something out of this excursion, perhaps the heart of the object of his affection. He thinks it's nothing more than a dream, a wish. However, Todd Anderson is more likely to fall in love with Neil than he thinks.

For the love of Walt Whitman please read it. It's among my favorites.

And above all ✨swing✨.

2 chapters. It's finished.

- The fire that melts the snow: Todd hasn't stopped thinking about Neil Perry since his death. How could he have left so many questions unanswered the day he left?

It only takes a knock on the door to answer them.

In which Neil does shoot himself but makes it to the hospital and survives but his father lies about the suicide and locks him in his house and won't let him out. 7 years later Neil manages to find Todd, a famous poet and answers all his questions.

I LOVE this okay? It's simply wonderful. The girl Todd lives with is a sweetheart and reminds me of Mulan's grandmother "Do you want to stay for dinner?" "Stay forever!"

- May you bury me

Keating stood before the slate and wrote, and as he wrote, he said, "There is a word in Arabic that has no direct translation into English."

Ya'arburnee, read the slate in the hurried scrawl that everyone longed to translate. It was a sad word, a mournful word, Todd could decipher, as he turned it over in his mind testing what it might feel like to ooze off his tongue in so many vowels.

Keating asks his students to write a poem to their Ya'arburnee, the person they love and want to bury them first because they could not live in a world without them.

Todd as always amazes.

But Neil has other plans, he doesn't write a poem and instead tells Keating he is going to confess to his Ya'arburnee.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE AFTER SPEAK LOW ESQ THERE IS NO WAY I CAN EXPRESS HOW BEAUTIFUL, MAGNIFICENT, SPLENDID, AMAZING, THIS FIC IS.

IT IS EVERYTHING THAT IS RIGHT ON EARTH.

- My stars shine darkly over me:

Neil and Todd spend their quarantine talking on the phone.

Abusive parents, boring classes and hours of loneliness but Neil and Todd have each other and Neil? well maybe he has something that is Todd Anderson's property.

I know no one wants to hear about quarantines but this one came out when the thing was kind of new and everyone thought they were going to die kdkwks and it's soft.

So thats it, you have enough to cry to.

okay my dps mutuals, i need help. i haven't read almost any fanfic, let's say i haven't read any. so could you give me some recommendations, the ones everyone should have read, please! i'm in need of more content lmao, ty <3 /gen

[noelliza]

The Pursuit of Two Left Feet Ch 2 - Anderperry

Hey guys! Here‘s the final part of the fic. I hope you enjoy it! You can also read this on ao3 here.

Summary: Neil made the mistake of telling Charlie about his feelings for a certain poetic blonde, and in true Nuwanda fashion, he got up to some mischief. Now, stuck in a plan to sneak out of school to go to an underground swing dance club, Neil has to make the best of it and pray to God his father doesn’t find out. Hopefully, Neil will get something out of this excursion, perhaps the heart of the object of his affection. He believes it’s nothing more than a dream, a wish. However, Todd Anderson falling for Neil is more likely to happen than he thinks.

Part 1

~

Neil, Todd, you two ready for tonight?” Charlie asks, wiggling his eyebrows as he peeks his head into their room Friday morning.

“As ready as ever,” Neil says, the pit in his stomach growing at the reminder. He still doesn’t know what he’ll do if and when his father finds out.

Charlie pats the doorframe and winks at them before disappearing down the hall.

Neil turns to Todd who’s putting his sweater on, not phased by Charlie’s appearance. “This is not gonna go well,” Neil grumbles.

Todd laughs as the two grab their bags and decide to head down to breakfast.

The whole school day Neil’s thoughts are directed to the vision of sitting in Nolan’s office with his father, his life officially over. If this goes south, Neil’s father will never let him down for it. He wants to have faith in Charlie, but part of him struggles to. Charlie doesn’t care about getting in trouble, he wants to get kicked out. Neil just doesn’t think he’s really thinking this whole thing through.

During english, Neil notices that Mr. Keating shoots him a couple knowing looks, a flash of a smile that’s gone before Neil can process it. It makes him nervous, wondering if somehow he found out about their plan and therefore so did Nolan. Keating would never fink, but Charlie isn’t particularly great at keeping his mouth shut.

That night, Charlie grabs Neil’s suit and drags him to the bathroom,  shoving a hair comb and gel into his hands.

“Charlie, aren’t we making this a bit obvious if we’re getting ready in the bathrooms? Hager is gonna see us.”

“Relax, there’s no reason to hide. This is allowed,” Charlie says. “But I won’t be getting ready here, I have a new suit to give Todd, so we’ll be in my room. See ya!”

Before Neil can object and question his motive, Charlie is out of sight. Neil shakes his head and begins changing into the suit, trying to push back the looming anxiety of his father finding out about this scheme.

As he's combing his hair into place, he hears two pairs of feet barge into the bathroom, and in the reflection of the mirror is Charlie with Todd in tow.

“Perry! Lookin’ like a dreamboat!”

Neil nods in thanks before turning to Todd, whose mouth is open slightly, his eyes roaming up and down his body. “Um, you… you look… really nice,” Todd mutters with a gulp.

“Thank you, uh, so do you,” Neil replies distractedly, his eyes unable to focus on a single part of Todd as he takes in the sight of him. Todd looks incredible in his suit, and he’s surprised Charlie did such an amazing job dressing him. It fits him perfectly, as if it tailored to his exact measurements—he wouldn’t be surprised if that was intentional on Charlie’s part. The coat, tie and slacks are a rich navy blue with a white button up underneath, and the color makes his eyes gleam. His hair is slicked back with gel, revealing more of his face, his cheekbones appearing more prominent. It makes him look more open, soft, and Neil is completely stunned. He’s always thought Todd is handsome, but right now he’s completely mesmerizing.

“Earth to Neil?” Charlie calls, waving a hand in his face. Neil blinks rapidly and clears his throat. “Hey, your bow tie’s crooked. Todd, fix it for him, yeah? I’ll be right back,” he says, giving Todd’s shoulder a firm pat before swaggering over to Meeks who’s combing his hair at the other side of the bathroom.

“Uh, sure,” Todd stammers a beat late, his eyes darting around nervously. He steps up to Neil, reaching out with slight hesitation. Neil holds in a breath as he adjusts the tie back into place. He inadvertently stares at Todd's focused face, tempted to press a soft kiss to his now exposed forehead.

“Alright, let's head out!” Charlie shouts, motioning for them to head out into the hall. Todd pulls back, ducking his head and walking out of the bathroom in one swift motion. Neil sighs, turning his head and catching Charlie’s knowing gaze as he heads towards him. He throws an arm around Neil’s shoulder and leads him out.

Together, the boys make their way outside into the cold night, all of them chattering excitedly. Awaiting them, leaning against his car looking ready for a night out, is Mr. Keating.

Neil gapes. “Charlie, how did you…”

“Amazing, right?” Charlie says proudly, stalking off to the car.

“Hello boys, you all look fetching. Ready?” Mr. Keating greets the noisy bunch, a wide grin on his face as they approach him.

Before Neil can even say anything, he’s being shoved into the backseat, smushed between Todd and Charlie in the third row. Knox lays himself across the boys, his face right in front of Charlie’s.

“I’m liking this view,” Charlie smirks.

Knox rolls his eyes, slapping Charlie’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“Wait, Captain, are you coming with us to the club?” Pitts asks as he slides into the second row after Meeks, closing the door.

“Oh no,” Keating chuckles, turning the car on. “I’m much too old for a hullabaloo. Don’t sweat it, this old man has plans of his own with a special lady tonight.”

The boys all holler and whistle, making Keating flush in embarrassment. “Yes, yes, your teacher has a real life too, I know it’s surprising. Let’s get rolling!” He calls, putting the car in motion.

“Captain, how did the school allow this?” Neil can’t help asking. Charlie gives him a look, but he ignores it.

“Well, they think we’re off to see an invigorating show about the life and work of William Shakespeare. As illuminating as I imagine it would be, that is not on the itinerary for you boys tonight. You’re off to a much more exciting endeavor filled with music, dancing, and a bit of romance,” he says, and Neil swears Keating meets his eyes through the rear view mirror. He looks away hastily.

“Aww, that actually sounded pretty interesting…” Cameron mutters, trailing off forlornly and glancing out the window.

Charlie elbows Neil in the ribs to make a point, and he makes an effort to hold in a groan. “We can drop you off there if you’d like Cameron?” Charlie smirks.

Neil returns the elbow in reprimand and Charlie squawks indignantly. “We can all go see that another time. I’m sure it’s quite interesting,” he says, sending Charlie a glare that he responds to with sticking his tongue out childishly. Knox snorts, resulting in a jab in the ribs courtesy of Charlie.

“Good idea,” Cameron says, his face lighting up. “You know, something  interesting about Shakespeare is that there was a seven year period between 1585 and 1592 where no one knew—”

“I’m going to claw my ears out before the end of this car ride and you’ll be next,” Charlie whispers aggravatedly in Neil’s ear.

“You’ll forget that as soon as we get there and you spot someone attractive,” Neil says wryly.

Charlie leans back, taking a deep breath with a startling, fierce look in his eye. Oh God…

“Thou doth thinketh I'm a predictable young squire? I willith kick thy bosom!” Charlie pronounces, sticking his finger in the air. Knox rolls his eyes.

“Charlie, a bosom is a woman’s chest,” Neil chuckles.

“Thine ears will suffer great of mine Shakespearean drivel until a most suffering death graces itself upon thee when mine fist meetseth thy cheek,” he says, folding his hand into a tight fist.

“I feel like you speak Shakespeare a bit too well for you to hate it as much as you say you do,” Knox prods with a crooked smile.

Charlie turns to Knox, leaning into his face. “Thou wilist meet a fate much alike if thou speaketh onward.”

“Bite me, nerd,” Knox grins.

In a blink, Charlie attacks Knox with his fingers, tickling his armpits and ribcage fervently as he cackles wickedly. Knox yelps and squirms fiercely, kicking his legs erratically, his arms flailing.

“Boy, boys, I’m all for a bit of roughhousing but please settle down until we get there,” Mr. Keating cuts in.

Charlie lets off, allowing Knox to catch his breath, and they both call back a low ‘yes, Captain.’ Neil feels Todd’s quiet laughs beside him, the breath hot beside his ear. He tries not to shiver at the sensation by focusing on the road ahead. They pass by trees lining both sides of the street, and in the distance he can see the beginnings of the town. As they proceed, he can make out the buildings, growing larger with each passing second. The illuminating signs on the buildings shine high above the people walking merrily down the sidewalk, contrasting the subdued ambience of their school. Neil thrums in excitement, and he tries to stay hopeful, pushing down the looming anxiety that this will all suddenly go wrong.

“I-I guess Charlie was right. This is working out.”

Neil looks at Todd, an amused smile gracing his face. “Yes, for now. Though any minute I anticipate something to blow up,” Neil jokes, knowing Charlie can hear him.

“Hey now, we’re off to fill our minds with the knowledge of the legendary William Shakespeare. If anything, Nolan is happy that a select few of Keating’s students seek such a riveting educational opportunity,” Charlie says in his most dramatic tone, and Knox sends him an exasperated look.

“Right.” Neil scoffs, earning poke on the cheek. Neil responds with a quick pinch on Charlie’s thigh, eliciting a yelp from him. Knox cackles as Charlie attempts to attack back with jabs to his arm and ribs, Neil giving a harder pinch on his arm. Before he can continue the attack, a hand wraps around his wrist, stopping his movement.

“I- we can’t until we get there. Captain’s orders,“ Todd says, flushing.

“It’s alright, trouble is what I live for,” Charlie says though he lets off, leaning over the seat to pull Meek’s hair. “Right Meeks?”

Neil hasn’t moved, his brain still frozen at Todd’s touch. “I- right.” Neil laughs faintly. He shakes his head and pulls his hand into his lap, ignoring the looks he’s getting from Charlie and Knox.

Neil stays silent the rest of the car ride, tuning out everyone’s voices around him. He’s fighting to ignore the feel of Todd’s leg pressed against his, the slight shake of his leg as he bounces it anxiously, the sight of his fingers tapping on his leg in repeated patterns. It’s also impossible to forget the feel of Todd’s hand circling his arm, his touch soft, almost like a caress. Neil aches to place his hand in Todd’s lap and let him hold it how he wants, yearning to feel his palm against his skin, perhaps in his own hand, once again.

Eventually, Keating pulls over in front of a lit up, cozy diner, with a neon sign hanging up titled “Leggy’s Breakfast Town.” Next to it is a smaller sign that reads, “Open 24 hours.”

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow,” Mr. Keating says as the boys all climb out of the car.

“Romeo and Juliet!” Knox calls back proudly, closing the door once he steps onto the pavement.

“You got it Mr. Overstreet! Have fun!” Mr. Keating drives off, waving at them through the window before disappearing down the street.

Suddenly, Neil hears a car door open. He turns to see a green car parked up ahead, and stepping out of it is Chris in a flowy, emerald dress reaching her knees, fit slim on her waist. When Knox catches sight of her, he stares, drooling.

“Hey Knox,” Chris says with a radiant smile as she walks over to the group, her heels clicking on the sidewalk with each step.

“Chris… wow, you look…” he stumbles.

“Knox, save it for the club, come on buddy,” Charlie cuts in, clapping his shoulder and steering him inside. The other boys and Chris all tumble into the diner, following Charlie and Knox into the diner. The place is packed, filled with loud families and couples, eating burgers and dipping their fries in milkshakes, so no one bats an eye as the group crowds in the entrance.

Charlie stops and looks around before spotting a waiter cleaning behind the counter. He approaches the counter and leans over, resting his elbows on the surface with his famous Charlie smirk in place. “Hello, we’re here about your duck special,” he says in a low yet overly casual tone.

The waiter, a long haired boy looking about their age, holds Charlie’s gaze for a moment before nodding. “Yes, right this way,” he says, walking toward a long hallway. Neil glances at Todd who looks just as confused as he does before they walk after them. They reach a door that opens to a flight of dark, descending stairs, and the waiter leads them down, instructing the last person to close the door behind them.

“Isn’t it a bit noticeable when they take a bunch of teenagers to the back room that they’re not here for dinner?” Neil whispers furiously in Charlie’s ear after catching up to him.

“Relax, everyone here knows about the club, but no one says anything about it. They make major dough, so no one complains. The customers get good food, and the city makes capital. It’s a win win.”

Neil shakes his head as they reach the bottom, and the waiter opens the door, revealing a huge, bright room buzzing with life. It’s packed with people dressed in their most fancy attire—women in stunning, flowy dresses and men wearing fine suits. He sees numerous couples dancing across the expansive dance floor and others chatting away with cocktails in hand and wide smiles on their faces. Neil stares in awe, taking in the sight, unable to fathom that he’s standing here right now. He’s half expecting his father to appear any moment to shut down the place, ready to drag Neil home and give him the reprimand of his life. Abruptly, he feels Charlie pat his shoulder, which brings him back to himself.

“Alright mates, I’ve got some ladies to charm and men to woo, enjoy yourselves,” he says to the group with a wink before disappearing into the fray.

Neil stands there dumbly as the other boys start wandering off into the room. Since when does Charlie say ‘mates’? he wonders bemusedly. He hears someone clear their throat beside him and he turns to see Todd still standing there, looking at him with a nervous but expectant expression. A flash of panic shoots through him. This is it, the moment he’s been dreading and waiting for this entire week. He opens his mouth, the words on his lips, and panics.

“So… a drink?” Neil suggests, hating himself.

“I- uh, yeah sure. I’ll come with you..?”

“No, no. I’ll go. Find us a table?”

“Yeah sure,” he says, looking almost disappointed.

At that, Neil flees to the bar to get away from Todd, his heart crying more the further he goes. As he approaches, he schools his features into a more mature, serious look and straightens his posture. He leans over the counter until the bar man catches sight of him.

“I’ll have your strongest, please, and something sweet,” he says hastily as the bar man walks over. He frowns slightly, but just nods. “You got it.”

When he turns around, Neil releases a long breath, slouching over the bar. He’s such a fucking coward. Charlie put too much faith in him, there’s no way he can do this. Todd is just going to reject him and that’ll be the end of their friendship. He can’t afford to lose it.

Soon, the bar man returns with the drinks before turning to another customer. Neil grabs them and turns around, taking a step away from the bar to scan for Todd. He walks listlessly as he looks, but stumbles when he catches Todd on the dance floor with some random guy.

Suddenly, he collides into someone’s chest, and he returns his gaze in front of him to see his drinks spill right onto a man’s shirt, staining the white button up red. Neil pales in horror. “Oh my— I’m so sorry, I—”

“No! Don’t worry about it, nothing I can’t get out later,” the man says, sending Neil a reassuring smile. Neil’s face heats up at the sight—he’s quite attractive. He’s tall and lean with golden hair and a charming smile. His eyes are a blinding blue, shining in amusement.

“Want this one? I have an extra. They’re not the best here, but they sure do the trick,” he says, holding out a small, dark colored drink.

“Sure, thanks,” Neil says, putting his emptied drinks onto the bar with a grimace and accepting the glass. He takes a quick sip and has to withhold a cough at the strength of the drink, not wanting to embarrass himself.

“What are you doing on your own? Come here with anyone? Surely you didn’t have two drinks for yourself,” he chuckles softly.

“Yeah, my friends,” he says solemnly, his eyes glued to Todd across the room, having a grand old time with some stranger.

“Where are they?” he asks.

Neil watches dolefully as Todd is swung around the dance floor, his smile bright, blinding. He feels the man follow his gaze and soon he makes a noise of realization.

“Ah, I get it. You like him?”

Neil flushes, almost choking on his drink. “Wha— um… it’s…”

“No judgement, that charming fella over there is my boyfriend,” he says, pointing to the far corner of the dance floor where he’s dancing with a woman around his age, tall and gorgeous. They’re moving together like water, twirling around the floor without missing a single beat. It’s incredible. “Plus, this place is meant for people like us, so don’t sweat it,” the man adds.

People like us, Neil repeats internally. He supposes the man’s not wrong. Neil has come to accept that he isn't like most other boys his age, especially not the kind his father wants him to be. He relents with a sigh. “Well, yeah, fine. I do. Like him, that is.”

The man hums understandingly, taking a swig of his drink. “Does he know it?”

Neil shakes his head. “No, it’d ruin… everything.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well… I don’t think he’s…” Neil trails off, a part of him still terrified of saying the word.

The man laughs, which makes Neil frown. “I’ve been there too. I get that it’s scary, risking your friendship like that. But that’s the thing about life, sometimes it’s worth taking that leap. What’s that one saying… carpa dem…”

“Carpe diem,” Neil corrects, hiding a smile.

He snaps his fingers. “Yes! Carpe diem.”

Neil huffs a laugh at the irony. “Yeah, I try to live by that every day, actually.”

“Well, then why is this any different?”

“Because… he’s the most important person in my life. If I lost him…” Neil swallows, looking away.

“I see,” he says, taking a breath. “Well, I’m not gonna sit here and force you to do anything, this is your life. But take it from someone who was in your shoes once. If he’s meant to be in your life, telling him won’t ruin a thing. If not, then it means there’s someone else out there who’s meant for you.”

Neil simply nods. This man doesn’t understand that no one could ever replace Todd, but he doesn’t bother explaining it. “Yeah, well my father wouldn’t be pleased by this either.”

“Not accepting?”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Neil says. “He’s trying to take hold of my entire life, insisting I have to go to Harvard, go to medical school and become a doctor.”

The man sighs sympathetically. “That’s a tough situation, what do you want to do instead?”

“Act, but that’s never going to happen,” he snorts.

“You know, my boyfriend said the same thing when he was around your age.”

Neil whips his head towards him in shock. “Really? He’s an actor?”

“Yeah, and he loved it. Now, he owns a small, local theater for children and teens in New York.

“That’s amazing,” Neil breathes.

“It is, I’m proud of him,” he says with a fond smile.

A part of Neil wonders if that future is possible for him, that despite everything, he has a shot. But even that doesn't overpower the voice in his head telling him it’s impossible, so he moves on from the thought. “What do you do?” Neil asks, taking a large sip of his drink, ignoring the burning in his throat as he swallows.

“Nothing nearly as exciting. I’m a lawyer,” he laughs. Neil nods. “Do you like it?”

The man shrugs slightly with a smile. “I do now, but I didn’t at first. Too much paperwork and talking to a bunch of stuck up people in overpriced suits. But then I got a case where I was defending this girl who was getting abused by her boyfriend. We won the case, and when I saw her face, it reminded me why I wanted to do this in the first place, to help people. It’s cheesy, but true.

“That’s really great,” Neil says.

“Thanks. But just know I’m not saying that to make you feel bad for not wanting to be a doctor,” he clarifies.

“Oh, no of course, I get it,” he says, not offended. He understands that helping others that way is their calling, but in Neil’s heart he knows it's not meant for him.

“My mother wasn’t very accepting of my choice of career either. Growing up, she wanted me to take over the family business. We own a restaurant in town called “Leandro’s Italian Restaurant.” My grandfather opened it, and after he got old, he passed it onto my mom. But let me tell you, I’m the last person you want in the kitchen. I manage to burn anything I lay my eyes on. Andrew won’t let me lift a finger when making dinner,” he chuckles.

“But she let you pursue that career instead when you told her?”

“Yeah, but I know it’s only because it pays well,” he says regretfully. “Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Andrew’s parents were horrified at the idea of him becoming an actor. He told me about how they fought all the time, his father insisting he needs to have a real career with a steady income, but my stubborn Andy refused, of course. He worked as much as he could in school, saving up his money. Once he graduated, he got a second job and worked day and night until he was able to support himself and move out. It took him a few years to get it together, but eventually he made it onto the stage. He told me it was gruesome in the beginning, but that he’s never regretted it for a second. Such an optimist he is,” he says admiringly.

Neil nods absently, completely absorbed in the story. It’s possible, a small, hopeful voice in his head says. But that was one person… what if he’s not so lucky?

“Alright, I’ve chatted your ear off enough,” the man says, breaking Neil out of his thoughts as he pats his shoulder. “Go out there and dance! You’re young, enjoy it!”

“Okay. Thank you though, Mister…?”

“Emerson. But call me G.”

“You like poetry?” Neil asks with a playful smile.

G laughs, throwing this head back. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who hasn’t asked me some version of that question. I do, but not Emerson, funny enough. I’m more into the beat poets like Gary Snyder. Some powerful words, I’ll say. You?”

“Nice, I prefer Whitman,” Neil smiles. “Thanks for the drink!” He says, swallowing the rest before placing the glass on the table.

“Of course, don’t go too crazy though! Enough of those and you’ll wake up in the alleyway next to the diner. Trust me, I’ve been there,” G says slyly.

Neil laughs with a nod, holding G’s gaze for a moment longer before striding to the dance floor in pursuit of Todd. He supposes there's truth to the phrase “liquid courage,” because with just a glass of alcohol in his system, he feels unstoppable. Carpe fucking diem.

He taps on his shoulder and Todd spins around, his face lighting up at the sight of Neil. “Neil, you’re here! Oh, I-I’m so glad. I missed you!” Todd shouts, clearly very drunk.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he says, not feeling sorry in the slightest, “but Todd… will you dance with me?”

The guy Todd was just dancing with gives him a nasty look, but doesn’t protest. “I- of course! I’ve been waiting all night for you to ask!” Todd beams, stumbling over to him.

“Well, here I am,” Neil laughs, taking in Todd’s smile.

“Y-you should try the drinks I had. They sucked b-but my anxiety, it went POOF!” He says, making an exploding gesture with his hand, swaying closer to Neil.

“I’m glad, but I’ll try it later. Come on,” he says, leading Todd gently to an open spot on the dance floor with a guiding hand on the small of his back.

Neil takes deep breaths, trying to control his nervousness. He may have learned ballroom dancing, but swing dancing is a foreign concept to him. He’s going to embarrass himself and Todd will laugh at him. He darts his eyes around, trying to see how the other couples are dancing. As he’s about to begin his attempt, Todd takes hold of his arms, leaning in close.

“Don’t worry,” Todd says, “I-I think I have the hang of it. Follow my lead.”

Neil gasps as Todd pulls him around, bouncing on his heels a bit unevenly. Neil copies his movements, trying to let his body feel the music. The pair are off beat to the music, but Neil doesn’t care. They could be tap dancing to an opera ballad and he would be over the moon, just happy to be dancing with Todd, holding his hand and moving around the space together.

At first, Neil fumbles a bit, tripping over his feet a few times and moving his limbs in awkward motions, but eventually, he starts getting into the groove. Todd still misses a few steps every so often, but he laughs it off and warmth spreads through Neil’s chest at the sound. He laughs breathlessly, boldly deciding to pick Todd up by his hips and swinging him around his body. Todd lets out a surprised gasp, giggling as Neil moves him through the air, holding on for dear life. Neil keeps a firm hand on his waist and places him back on his feet carefully. Once Todd finds his balance, he haphazardly reaches out for Neil’s hand again, losing his grip a couple times, and twirls him around, pulling him into his chest and spinning him back out again. Neil’s heart is soaring, and he can’t hear anything besides the music ringing in his ears and Todd’s unrestrained laughter.

They dance song after song, and Neil loses track of how long they’ve been there, moving under the flashing lights and through the bodies of the crowd, throwing one another into the air. Eventually, Todd leans close to his ear, clutching his shoulder to keep balance. “‘ve gotta go to the bathroom,” he mumbles, his words slurred and breathy.

“Oh, ok! Want me to come with…?”

Todd shakes his head smiling, placing his hand on Neil’s chest. “No, no, ‘m alright. I’ll be… right back,” he slurs.

“Alright, I’ll be at the bar. I’m gonna get another drink,” Neil says.

Todd nods, staring at him for a moment before stalking off the dance floor towards the bathroom. Neil breathes out, trying to settle his nerves down. Adrenaline is coursing through his body, and his heart is thumping out of his chest. Dancing with Todd is exhilarating, and Neil could do it for the rest of his life—even as an old man in a wheelchair.

He walks off, ready to drown himself in liquor until he can gather enough courage to tell Todd how he really feels. But he’s quickly intercepted by Charlie who jumps in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Having a good time?” He asks smugly.

“Yes!” Neil shouts. “I feel… I feel so alive!”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Charlie cheers. “Next thing you know you’ll be getting at it like bunnies in the bathroom stall,” he winks.

Neil tries not to choke on air as he stares at Charlie, his eyes wide. “Charlie, stop! But it doesn’t matter, Todd was dancing with someone earlier. I don’t think he… he can’t.”

Charlie rolls his eyes, letting out an overly exasperated sigh as if Neil is out of his mind (which he isn’t). “Oh sit on it Neil, did you miss the way he looked at you? He looks like a lovesick puppy.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Neil mutters.

“Not now no, if anything I’m understating it. Go over there and swap some spit with him before I do it myself.”

“Charlie! It’s- you don’t understand. He’s my best friend, besides you of course. We… it’s not like that,” Neil stresses.

Charlie doesn’t look the least bit swayed by his words, giving him a wry look. “Neil, Todd only wants to dance with you. The only reason he was with that chump was because I made him. I know how possessive you can get.”

“Nuwanda…”

“Hey, I needed something to push him onto the dance floor, loosen up a bit, you’re welcome. Later, lover boy!” Charlie hurries off into the crowd, and Neil sighs. Of course Charlie would meddle like that.

Neil heads to the bar, already plotting Charlie’s murder when he spots Cameron leaning against the counter talking to a young, gorgeous blonde woman.

“Hey Cameron! Who’s this?” He asks as he approaches them, clapping his shoulder and turning to the woman with a smile.

“Neil! This is Caroline, she goes to Ridgewood,” Cameron says. He looks happier than Neil has ever seen him.

“Neil, nice to meet you! Cameron’s such a charmer isn’t he? I could just drown in those freckles,” she says dreamily, kissing his cheek.

Neil refrains from laughing as Cameron’s face turns beat red, more fiery than his hair. “I’m glad you’re having a good time!”

“The best! Thanks for inviting me, I know Charlie didn’t really want to,” he says.

“Oh, it’s nothing, you know how Charlie can be, he doesn’t really mean it,” Neil says with a nervous laugh, feeling guilty at how transparent Charlie’s disdain has been. He doesn’t think Cameron deserves it.

“If you say so, but you’re cool, Neil. So thanks,” Cameron says gratefully.

Neil gives a quick nod, feeling a bit embarrassed at the praise. “Course, don’t mention it. Anyway, Caroline, it was lovely to meet you, but I’ve gotta get a drink before my… friend returns from the bathroom.”

“Ooh, Todd?” Cameron ribs, elbowing him and raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Uh, yeah,” he stammers. Neil turns to the bar man walking in their direction as a distraction from this topic. “Excuse me, can I have—“

“OH!” Cameron lights up with a thought, cutting him off. “Get a pina colada, they’re really good!”

“You might also like a dirty martini!” Caroline chimes in, winking at him.

Neil blinks and looks back at the waiter who’s waiting patiently. “I’ll take both,” he says. The bartender nods and promptly grabs a glass and a vodka bottle.

Not even a moment later, Cameron and Caroline start making out passionately next to him. Neil turns away awkwardly, hoping that Todd comes back from the bathroom soon. He looks at the dance floor and spots Knox and Chris together, laughing as Knox spins her in the air. Off to the side, he notices Meeks and Pitts dancing to the music at their own speed, away from the throng. Charlie, however, is nowhere to be seen, which is never a good thing.

After what feels like an eternity, the bartender slides his drinks across the bar, and Neil hands him a few dollar bills. “Keep the change,” he says quickly and turns away from the bar, desperate to get away from their slobbering and moaning. As soon as he takes a step, he crashes into someone, once again spilling the drinks he was just holding. He refrains from cursing, almost choking on air when he recognizes the victim of his clumsiness as G’s boyfriend.

“Oh, hey, you alright bud?” He asks, his voice deep and warm. He’s tall with curly, brown hair gelled back, and his smile is friendly, his green eyes soft and benevolent. The drinks drip down his cream colored suit, the large stains prominent.

Neil lets out a long breath and closes his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I’m not having the best luck with carrying drinks tonight.”

“No it’s alright, now my boyfriend and I can have matching, stained shirts,” he says with a hearty laugh. Normally, Neil would feel like he’s being made fun of, but from his sincere expression, it comes off lighthearted.

“Yeah, that was me…”

His eyes widen in recognition. “Oh! He mentioned you. Neil, right? Potentially an Armstrong?”

“Yes, I’m Neil, but no, unfortunately not related,” he says with an embarrassed laugh.

“Damn, that’s too bad. I’m Andrew McDorman,” he says, holding out his hand. Neil grips it, Andrew’s handshake solid and firm. “Giovanni told me you act!”

“Well… I’d like to, yes. But, my father wants me to become a doctor,” he says, pausing as a thought hits him. “And he told me he goes by G.”

He laughs. “Yeah of course he did. He’s been trying to sound younger now, but I refuse to call him that. He’ll always be my Giovanni, even if I always butcher the pronunciation, according to him,” he says with a sappy expression. Neil can tell they both truly love each other, and it makes him ache to have this with Todd, speaking of one another fondly, others sensing how close the two of them are.

“And about your father,” he adds, going back to the original topic, “mine wanted me to become a dentist. It’s not easy, I know. You feel like you’re stuck, that there’s nowhere to go. But trust me, Neil, there is.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you were able to pursue your dreams, but I’m not sure if I can…”

Andrew sighs with a smile. “Okay, you got me”eks planning that” an idea has dawned on him. “Tell you what, you wanna follow your own path, get away from your shitty father? Our door is always open, alright? I know, I know, stranger danger, but the offer is there. Actors gotta support each other, and I wanna be able to help out someone who’s in the same situation I was,” he says earnestly, the unspoken homosexuals falling between them.

Neil stands there completely speechless, his mind whirling in a million directions. This sounds too good to be true, because there’s no way he could escape his father’s grasp. He’d track him down, make him come home and ensure he makes it to medical school. But… what if…?

“No pressure kid. Here, let me replace those drinks. On me,” he offers kindly before Neil is able to respond. He’s left with his mouth hanging open as the man passes him, walking up to the bar to order.

“Neil!”

Neil turns to see Todd walking towards him, and his distress melts away as his eyes lay on Todd. His hair is slightly disarrayed, a few hairs drooping down his forehead, his cheeks still red from the dancing. He’s absolutely perfect. “There you are,” he says breathlessly.

“Hey, there was a guy in there who said I looked like uhh Nikola Tesla,” he giggles.

“Huh, not a bad guy to be compared to I guess,” Neil says, amused.

“Here we are!” Andrew says, holding out the drinks.

“Oh! Pina colada, I had one earlier and it was great!” Todd shouts gleefully, taking the glass and sucking the drink down, practically inhaling it.

“Ah, is this your boyfriend?” Andrew asks, directing the question to Neil, handing him his martini.

“N-no I wish,” Todd answers, swallowing his drink before returning to it promptly, the glass already halfway empty.

“I- he’s had a lot to drink…” Neil says, taking a big gulp of his drink.

Andrew gives him a knowing look. “Don’t fret, I’ve been there,” he says quietly so only Neil can hear him. “Alright cool cats, I gotta scoot, have fun and stay safe!” Andrew says to the pair, giving them both a wide grin before walking off.

As Neil turns to Todd, getting the nerve to ask him to dance again, a voice booms through the room.

“All the lovers to the dance floor! For this next song, we’re going to slow things down a bit. This is a special request from a man who goes by the name Nuwanda, and this is dedicated to Neil and Todd,” the singer announces.

Neil stares at the stage, noticing Charlie standing nearby with a shiteating grin. Charlie catches his eye and winks. Bastard.

“Um, Neil?” Todd asks, his voice cracking.

Neil turns to him and stops breathing at the look on Todd’s face. His eyes are wide, appearing anxious but hopeful, like he’s placing his heart in the palm of Neil’s hand for safe keeping. Neil hopes to God it doesn’t slip from his grasp.

“Yes?” He says, almost in a whisper.

Todd slowly reaches his hand out, palm up. “W-will you dance with me?”

A smile grows on his face. “Always.” Neil accepts his hand, placing his glass down on the table beside him, and allows Todd to walk him to the dance floor. He can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or his nerves, but Neil can’t feel the floor beneath his feet as he moves through the crowd, almost like he’s floating.

When I fall in love it will be forever

Todd positions them both, placing a gentle hand on Neil’s back. His face heats up inadvertently at the touch, his back tingling at the sensation. Todd looks at him, his eyes steady. “I’ll lead,” he says.

Or I'll never fall in love

Neil smiles in response, and it doesn’t wane even the slightest as Todd stamps right on his toes. Neil breaks out in a laugh, resting his forehead on Todd’s shoulder. Todd doesn’t move or make a sound, so Neil pulls back and gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s ok,” he says softly.

In a restless world like this is

Todd looks down at his feet self-consciously and Neil tilts his head back up with a finger under his chin. “Don’t worry about it, really.”

Love is ended before it's begun

Todd takes a hesitant step, breathing out as he manages to avoid Neil’s foot. Slowly, he takes another, and another, and Neil follows, feeling gratified that Todd is so dedicated to this.

And too many moonlight kisses

Neil revels in the feel of Todd’s hand in his own, his fingers wrapped around it firmly as they step around. Until this moment, Neil hasn’t realized how desperately he needs Todd in his life. How he wants to wake up beside him in the morning, make him breakfast in bed, go on walks with him through a park full of birds and laughing children, listen to him read poetry as they sit by a toasty fire. These images flood his mind, and he’s overwhelmed by how much he craves for this to become reality.

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

Neil gazes into those soft, blue eyes, never wanting to escape their grasp ever again. As they stare at one another, drowning in each other, their movements slow. Neil is too distracted by the sight to acknowledge it. His body is moving on his own accord, leaning in to take in his face, the scent of strong cologne he assumes Charlie sprayed all over him.

When I give my heart it will be completely

“Todd—”

In a blink, Todd grabs both sides of his face and in a singular movement he crashes their lips together, cutting him off with a bruising kiss. Neil doesn’t react at first, completely stunned by the feel of Todd’s lips. He quickly comes back to himself, sliding his hands behind Todd’s neck, cradling it as he moves his lips, taking him in. Todd places a hand on his cheek, which sends a shiver down his neck. After a moment, they slow, and Neil gradually pulls back to look at him, aware that he’s now plunged in the water, completely head over heels for this boy.

Or I'll never give my heart

“Todd,” he breathes.

A flash of worry crosses Todd’s eyes. “Y-yeah?”

Neil stares at him before speaking. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

“O-oh sorry you can—”

“Todd,” he laughs fondly.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too

Before Todd starts to ramble, Neil shuts him up with another kiss, slotting his lips between his with a hmph. This one is softer, more tender than the last, yet just as remarkable. He pours out every emotion he can into the kiss, wanting Todd to understand how he loves every inch, every quirk, every fiber of his being.

Is when I'll fall in love with you

As the last note rings through the room, Neil hears a sudden whoop. He turns, watching in horror as Charlie barrels towards them in glee. “Fucking finally you nimrods!” He shouts, giving Neil a quick noogie. “I thought I was gonna have to smash your faces together myself.”

Neil can’t hold back a grin as he rolls his eyes. “Get out of here, you’re kind of ruining the moment, you know,” he teases.

“That was the most romantic kiss I’ve ever seen!” Charlie exclaims, completely missing the hint, or purposefully ignoring it. “Knox wishes he could be on that level.”

“Charlie, I heard that!” Knox calls, pacing over to them.

“That’s my queue to leave, see you!” Charlie says, dashing away as Knox chases after him.

Neil laughs and looks back at Todd who’s smiling dazedly at him. He swipes his thumb across Todd’s cheek, and leans in for a quick kiss. “Sorry, I just can’t help it now.”

Todd blinks. “D-don’t apologize for that. Ever,” he breathes.

“Okay,” Neil says, recapturing his lips in a searing kiss. He doesn’t care that they’re surrounded by a bunch of strangers, any care in the world is lost among the feel of Todd’s lips between his own. After a moment, Todd pulls back, his eyes taking in every feature of Neil’s face.

“What is it?” Neil asks, smiling. He hears the lively music pick up again, everyone dancing around them, but he doesn’t move.

“I- nothing I… just never thought you’d…”

“I thought the same about you,” Neil admits.

“But.. how?” He asks, astonished. “Y-you’re… you’re literally perfect, Neil.”

Neil shakes his head. “No, I’m far from it. But Todd, you’re incredible. You’re better than any dream I could ever fathom, you’re single handedly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You always listen when I rattle nonsense to you as if every word I say is meaningful, you’re there for me on my low days, ready with an open ear and a shoulder to lay on, you write the most outstanding poetry known to man. How could I not be completely in love with you?”

Todd gapes at him, disbelieving. “You… you love me?”

Neil laughs. “Of course, dummy,” he says affectionately.

“I- I do too. Love you. I… I love you,” Todd says.

An overwhelming sense of joy floods through him, and without thinking, Neil wraps his arms around Todd’s waist and picks him up, spinning him around as he shouts in elation. Soon, Neil sets him back down and brings him into a tight embrace, nuzzling into his neck. Todd returns it, sliding his arms around his back, holding him close.

Suddenly, someone bumps into Todd’s back as they dance, shouting a quick apology as they pass, and it seems to send them both back into reality. They pull back and glance around, watching as everyone is jiving to the upbeat music. Neil looks back at Todd who returns his gaze and they break out into a fit of laughter, making their way over to a table.

They collapse into some seats, breathing heavily. Neil is relieved to have a break; he’s starting to come back down from his rush of energy, and his eyelids are getting heavy.

“Neil,” Todd says, shaking his shoulder lightly.

He lifts his head and looks at him questioningly.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, wait until we get in the car.”

Neil makes a noise of complaint. “I’m tired. Be my pillow, Todd?” He asks, leaning his head over onto Todd’s shoulder.

Todd sighs defeatedly, raising a hand to card through Neil’s hair. They stay like that for a few minutes, relaxed and at ease, until Charlie approaches their table.

“Seems it's a general consensus that it’s time to go,” Charlie says, plopping into the seat across from them and taking a swig from his drink. “The others are starting to get tired too. They wanna grab a bite upstairs before Keating comes. What do you say?”

Neil lifts his head, sitting up in his chair. “Sure, Todd?” He nods in agreement.

“Alright, perfect. I’ll go grab the others, be back in a flash,” he says, darting away.

“Tell Charlie to wait up, I got to say bye to some people first.”

Todd’s eyebrows raise in remembrance. “Oh, that man who gave us the drinks?”

“Yeah, and his boyfriend.”

“O-okay I’ll tell him,” Todd says.

Neil leans over and kisses his cheek before walking off in search of G and Andrew. He goes toward the bar first and doesn’t see them, so he looks through the crowd of the dance floor. After a few seconds, he feels a hand clap his shoulder. Neil whips around.

“Hey kid! How you doing? I saw you and that boy earlier, I’m proud of you,” G says. “And you’ve got one hell of a friend to request a song for you two like that.”

“Yeah, that was more romantic than our first kiss,” Andrew adds, sliding an arm behind G’s back. “You’re gonna have to step up your game.”

“Hey, don't you forget my proposal, I spent weeks planning that!”

Andrew sighs with a smile. “Okay, you got me.”

G gives him a quick peck before returning his attention to Neil.

“I’m- we’re great. I’m… really happy,” Neil says, beaming. “And yeah, Charlie is not one to be subtle about anything.”

The couple laugh. “Well, I’m glad it worked out,” G says sincerely.

As Neil nods in thanks, Andrew gasps in realization. “Give me your hand,” he requests.

Neil complies, pulling back his sleeve. Andrew pulls a pen out of his pocket and writes on the back of his hand. Once he’s done he releases his arm and caps the pen. “In case of anything, don’t hesitate to call us. If things don’t bode well with your father, we’ll be here for you, okay? Any hour of any day. I never really sleep anyway,” Andrew says with a crooked smile.

Neil looks down at the phone number written on his hand, and holds in the tears welling up in his eyes. “Thank you,” he croaks, keeping his eyes down and wiping them surreptitiously.

“Any time,” G says, a smile in his voice.

Finally he looks up at them both, feeling fiercely grateful for them—despite the unideal introduction of Neil ruining their clothes.

“My friends and I are heading up to the diner before we leave. But it was great to meet you both. Sorry again for spilling the drinks on you. Both of you,” he says, wincing as he peers at their stained outfits.

“Oh, don’t even stress it. It’s a good thing you did now, isn’t it?”

Neil laughs. “I suppose it is.”

There’s a beat of silence between them before they bid each other good night, Neil returning to his table. Todd looks up at him as he approaches. “They’re all waiting by the door. Ready?” Todd asks, standing from his seat.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something first,” Neil says, his heart pounding out of his chest.

Todd blinks. “Okay,” he says, anxiety creeping into his features. Neil reaches out and strokes his cheek in reassurance.

“I just wanted to know… now that we’ve… you know, told each other how we feel… where are we?”

Todd’s eyes widen in understanding. “Um, I mean what can two guys be to each other?” He asks.

“Boyfriends?” Neil tries, unable to breath.

Todd’s face lights up, and it sends a flood of relief over Neil. “Uh, Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Todd nods, beaming, and Neil can’t resist leaning over to give his nose a quick peck. He never thought this would ever be possible, and yet here he is, able to call Todd his boyfriend. With Todd by his side, he’s willing to take anything his father tries to throw at him.

Neil slots their fingers together and the pair walk over to the other poets who are standing by the door. Upon seeing them, Charlie grins. “The new lovely couple has arrived! Let’s go!”

The boys make their way up to the diner and slide into a booth, ready for a late dinner before Mr. Keating arrives to pick them up. Todd seats himself beside Neil, and he wraps an arm around his shoulder, kissing Todd’s forehead.

“Alright, as happy as I am that you two finally got your act together, please don’t be necking each other and being all lovey dovey in front of me. I don’t need it getting in my food,” Charlie says.

“No promises,” Todd says.

Neil laughs breathlessly, at Todd’s bold comment and the way Charlie gapes, shellshocked. “Yeah, don’t be a hypocrite. If you had someone you’d be slobbering all over them any second you could.”

“I guess you’re not wrong there, but it makes me wish I did.” Charlie winks. Neil and Todd grimace, and at that the subject is dropped.

“So Cameron, who was that girl I saw you all cozy with?” Meeks asks, his eyebrows raised suggestively.

“Cameron was with a girl?” Charlie asks, nonplused. “Did someone give you drugs, Meeks? You might have been hallucinating.”

“No, I saw. They were locking lips,” Neil adds.

“No way!” Charlie calls, his eyes blown wide.

Cameron blushes, staring down at the table, “Yeah, I did. I saw her at the bar and we started talking. She’s… great.”

Knox leans over and high fives him with a proud smile as Charlie chokes on air. Once he recovers, he shakes his head and huffs a laugh. “Well… atta boy Cameron!” Charlie hollers, smacking his back.

Cameron looks at him for a moment before smiling back. “Thanks, Charlie.”

Soon, the food arrives and after much more rowdy laughter and chatter, the boys pile back into Keating’s car.

“Enjoy yourselves boys?”

The boys all agree and over the rest, Charlie shouts, “Hell yeah!”

“Thank you for your exuberance, Mr. Dalton,” Keating deadpans, chuckling.

“Enjoy your date, Captain?” Pitts asks.

“Yes, thank you,” he smiles.

“What’d you do? Spend any cozy alone time together,” Charlie asks, grinning mischievously.

“If you’re insinuating what I think you are, then I am not at liberty to discuss that with my students. However, we went for a nice dinner and afterwards we walked along a nearby lake. They’re quite a lovely spot to bring your significant other, actually,” he says, and Neil catches his eyes in the rear view mirror. Neil’s face flushes and he looks away, unable to hold back a smile.

Multiple different conversations among the other boys pick up after that, but Neil stays quiet, taking time to enjoy the moment. A few minutes later, when Todd lays his head on his shoulder as he dozes to sleep and Charlie gives him a smug look, Neil feels truly grateful for his friends, Keating, and Todd. He looks down at the number scrawled on his hand and realizes that he’s no longer dreading the future. His future. It won’t be easy, but with Todd by his side, Neil can do anything. And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

[indeedbeagod]

date night

for the lovely @guccimetti for @dpsficexchange!!! i tried to work in charlie/meeks and anderperry, and i’m not sure if this is quite what you had in mind, but i hope you like it and i hope you don’t mind if i’m a little late on posting this!! college is hard and time draining

but basically charlie, steven, neil and todd sneak out to go on a double date at a diner. shamelessly self-indulgent cute first date anderperry with a little cheeks on the side. the original prompt was “anderperry or charlie/steven ditching welton for the weekend to go on a date in canon time frame” so here’s hoping i did that justice.

Charlie is the one who suggests the double date. Which is funny, because as far as Neil knows, Charlie isn't dating anyone. Neil isn't even dating anyone. But apparently one night of talking about Todd was enough to convince Charlie that a date was necessary, and that Charlie had to be there if only to "keep you from fainting or something, jesus christ". (To be fair, Neil had spent nearly forty-five minutes on just the topic of Todd's smile, and about four hours talking about the rest of him. And yes, maybe he would possibly lose consciousness if Todd laughed at too many of his jokes. But that was a slim chance at best, really, and anyways, what license was a few hours of venting for scheduling a date?) It's a rather one-sided conversation- Neil can't get a word in to protest or even to ask who Charlie plans on taking- and by the time he's alone again in his room, he's got plans to not only go out, but sneak out. And true to Charlie Dalton fashion, there had been no specifics, only a request (a demand, really) to meet by the clock tower at 10:30. Neil wanted to chase him down the hall and grill him for details (was he supposed to ask Todd? Where were they going? How in the hell did he plan to not get caught sneaking out on a Friday night? What was even open that late around Welton on a Friday night?), but by the time he'd managed to get through the door, the other was nowhere to be found. Todd follows the same pattern. Neil doesn't see him once for the entire day, not even in Keating's class, not even during evening common room study. In fact, he's not even there when Neil goes back to their room that night, and something between confusion and worry worms its way into his stomach at the sight of the empty bed. But he believes in Charlie's haphazard planning (for what reason, he doesn't know), and at 10:25, he slips out his window and heads towards the tower. The three shadows backlit by the clock (one, Neil notes with relief, is Todd-shaped and seems fully intact) come into focus as he approaches, but it's not until he's three feet away until he can make out faces. Charlie's there, grinning like he's pulled off some extraordinary bank heist, and Todd has a scarf piled around his shoulders covering his face to the nose. The third figure, he realizes, is Meeks, and he has to cover his mouth to stifle the surprised noise that escapes him. "What- why- since when is this-" "I told you I was coming, didn't I?" Charlie's shit-eating grin is ever-present, and he slings an arm around Steven's waist as he speaks. The latter rolls his eyes, even as he leans into the grip. "I wasn't about to be the sad lonely one in this situation, who do you think I am?" Neil can't help at laugh at that, if only because it's the most Charlie response he could've received. Todd smiles too, and Neil's heart jumps a little into his throat. It's nothing, it's nothing. Half an hour later, they're trudging along the path off campus, chilled night air occasionally blowing upwards what fall leaves don't crunch beneath their feet. Neil and Todd trail behind Steven and Charlie, the latter leading the way towards whatever destination he's got planned. Steven's tried his hardest to wheedle it out of him- constant complaining questions of "where the hell are we even going, oh my God, why did I agree to this"- but as far as Neil can tell, there hasn't been any response past gentle refusals and the occasional "breathe, you nervous wreck, you'll see soon". He can't help but be jealous of how comfortable they seem to be; they haven't separated more than a couple inches, and the way they touch is so comfortable, so /easy/. He doesn't know how nobody's noticed them, because it's clear they've been doing this for awhile now. He looks over at Todd, like he has about a million times since they set off, and when he gets a small smile in response he ventures his hand out to lace their fingers together. He hopes he's not imagining the gentle squeeze Todd gives him. "So where've you been all day, huh?" Neil asks, quiet even though they're far enough from Welton that there's no need to be. "Just dropped off the face of the earth." That elicits a chuckle from Todd, muffled behind the scarf. He pulls the fabric down to speak, though, and Neil can't help but notice that his cheeks are wind-flushed pink. It's almost painful how much he wants to kiss them. "Charlie helped me. Said something about, uh, keeping me from flaking out? I think he thought I'd get too nervous if I had to- had to see you all day. I've been in his room instead." Todd's voice is just shaky enough for Neil to hear the falter, and it makes his chest warm in a way he almost feels guilty for. It feels good to know that the nerves are mutual. "So were you going to?" Neil asks after a moment. "What?" "Flake out. Were you going to?" The flush in Todd's cheeks goes darker. "No," he answers quietly. His eyes are trained diligently on the ground below, but the grip on Neil's hand tightens a bit. "No, I wanted to see you." It takes Neil a minute to remember how to operate his mouth. "Well in that case," he manages, "I'm sorry Charlie kept you hostage all that time." When Todd laughs again, Neil makes a mental note to thank every deity he can think of for this night. He also sends out a general prayer that he doesn't mess this up too badly.

It turns out that the only place open at this time of night is a 24-hour diner a short ways away. Charlie and Meeks must come here often, because they both address the ancient woman behind the counter by name ("Joanie! Babe!" "Hey Joan- I'm trying to get him to stop that, I promise"). Joan, on her part, seems to have been in on the whole...thing they're doing, because the table in the back corner of the building is decorated with a couple candles and a pretty, if worn, red-checked tablecloth. Neil is in the middle of gauging how many times the other two have come to this place when Todd squeezes his hand lightly. "You wanna sit?" he asks, nodding to the table. Somehow Meeks and Charlie have sat down already, and from the way Todd is looking at him (somewhere between confusion and worry) Neil realizes he's been thinking longer than he thought, so he nods and lets Todd lead him forward. The meal goes about as well as any plan of Charlie's can be expected to go; in fact, it goes better than most of Charlie's plans can be hoped to. Neil chalks a good amount of that up to Meeks, who, as usual, seems to have been the mediating factor in this whole event even without knowing exactly where they were going. The pie Joan brings out towards the end also looks suspiciously similar to the ones that appear in Neil and Todd's room during finals week, so Steven's either been stress baking or he just wanted to make this special. From the way he keeps glancing at Todd and him, Neil would guess it was the latter. For his part, the blond boy stays relatively quiet, but the smile on his face doesn't leave for more than a few seconds at a time. It must be some blessing, Neil knows, and for once there's no overstatement in his thought.

It's not until on they're safely back in their rooms (two close calls with professors on night rounds and about twelve snarky comments from Charlie later) that Todd manages to speak past a few words. "Thank you," he says, his initiative almost as uncharacteristic as the way he sits beside Neil on his bed to say the words. "For tonight. I, uh- I didn't know if you'd like it, y'know? Like, the whole dinner thing. Charlie said you would, but- I mean, I couldn't be sure till it actually happened, and I'm terrible at planning so I had no idea what I was doing, thank god Charlie and Meeks helped me-" Neil cuts him off the moment his brain makes the connection. "Helped you?" he asked. "This wasn't Charlie's idea?" His mind is working a mile a minute, simultaneously trying to process the fact that he didn't catch this earlier and that, more importantly, Todd Anderson had had the organic desire to go on a date with him. The chaos in his head is only compounded by the way the other's face goes red at the question; it's not a distraction he needs right now. "No." The word is said through a nervous laugh, and Todd's toying with his hands as he speaks. Neil has to suppress the impulse to grab them. "I mean, um, the restaurant and the timing and stuff was the other two's planning, I wouldn't have known the first thing about where to go, but-" He takes a deep breath like he's trying to steady himself. "-I told Charlie about wanting to ask you to dinner and he helped me from there. I think I might've spent half an hour stumbling if I tried to ask you myself." The shaky smile Todd manages is enough to make Neil want to kiss him then and there. As it is, he reaches over, taking his hand like he'd wanted to and shifting close enough to lean into the other's side. "Well you know what this means," he replies after a moment, thumb tracing over skin lightly. "I'm gonna have to repay you for all this. But do you mind if we don't sneak out next time? I think worrying that much took a year off my life." Todd's laughter is a yes before he even says the word.

[ihadnotyetlived]

Modern Fem Au

-Niels name would be Nielia or smth like that -Todds name would be Tara or smth idk -Charlie would be the same (Charlie is nonbianary as well) -Meeks would be named Stephanie -Pitts would be Geraldine -Pitts and Meeks are still called by their last names tho bc why not -Knox still likes to be called Knox -Cameron is called Rita (I guess) -Neilia is diagnosed with ADHD and her parents tell her to s i t t h e f u c k d o w n and be a “lady” but she c a n t - At the beginning of the year all cell phones have to be turned in and since Charlie’s parents get them so many gifts to “make up” for the neglect they give out devices to their friends -Neilia’ s parents are also incredibly controlling and want her to marry some dude bc they want grand kids. They’re okay with her becoming a doctor or something like that, but they’d rather her marry someone instead -Nelia wants to act and sing and write music instead -Mrs. Keating is lit (and gay: language was created to woo women) -Instead of old white men (but Whalt is still used) Keating teaches them bad ass women poets and the school gets pissed -Keating is still all about free thinking and becoming your own person -The school is pretty old fashioned, so the administration told Mrs. Keating not to say anything about her wife -The girls classes consist of math, science language English and mainly home ec kind of stuff - The dead poets don’t really enjoy it that much tho -Instead of wearing the school designated skirts, Charlie wears pants instead and gets in trouble with Mrs. Nolan all. The. Time. -In the “no” scene Tara and Neilia fall and their faces are so close together they could kiss but don’t bc the other girls in the hallway start coming in -Even though Neilia is p good at writing, Tara is incredible. Like Neilia literally fell head over heels for Tara when she whipped that poem from nowhere -Every poem Neilia writes for Keating is about Tara -Knox is still straight in love with Chris and tries to get him away from his gf (or bf male au Chris could be bi) -Theres some local musical Nelia wants to do - Charlie brings boys to the cave and the girls (except Cameron) don’t really care -I mean Meeks is jealous af and in an inbetween scene you can hear Charlie apologize to Meeks over and over telling her that she’s the only one for them -Anderperry is cannon -Their first (and only) kiss happens after the flying desk set scene -Everyone in the DPS are super chill with is (as meeks and Charlie are dating) Cameron isn’t cool with it but she doesn’t say anything -We get more backstory with Tara- how her parents prefer her sister over her and they see her as worthless but Neilia makes her feel like she’s worth something -Mr. And Mrs. Perry hear about the musical and tells Neilia to drop it and after school she’s marrying some dude -Of course she’s in love with Tara so she freaks out -She tells Mrs. Keating about everything; the musical, the dude, Tara and Mrs. Keating tells her to tell her parents how she feels about the musical, and try to wiggle her way out of marriage by saying that she needs a few years to get to even know him -Neilia actually takes her advice, but her parents don’t care but she’ll be dammed if she doesn’t do this musical -She does the musical and of course her parents show up. - As they’re pulling her out of the theatre Tara’ s band brushes hers and her eyes communicate nothing but worry and fear but of course Neilia reassures her - Charlie is LITTERALLY about to fight the Perry’s -We get a shot of Neilia’ s diaries seeing that she’s considered thos before -Neilia writes Tara a note hoping her parents will be kind enough to give it to her. They don’t -Afer her death, Tara takes Neilia’ s sweater she left and wears it all the time even if she’s dress coded for it -She writes so many poems for her and puts them on her grave -She breaks down and Mrs. Keating tries to calm her for hours with no success -Tara shuts down after Keating leaves,not even Charlie can bring her back (Charlie sneaks on campus every weekend) -When the Perry’s came to collect Nelias things the DPS (minis Cameron) were in Tara and Neils room and Tara litterally lunged at them -“Where are her final words?! She wouldn’t leave without telling us anything! What did you do to them?!” The girls have to pull her back and apologize (halfheartedly and not meaning it of course) - Charlie was on the outside of the campus and spat at the Perry’s as they left - At night she cuddles the pillow like they used to so, two bodies too big for one bed, limbs intertwined and breaks down crying -She wails so loud that Meeks, Pitts, Knox and even Cameron try their best to keep her quiet - The school does not give a shit about the way the girls feel -Tara got demerits for not being able to get out of bed for a week -Meeks got in trouble for sneaking food up to Tara so she didn’t starve -Pitts can no longer focus and is failing all his classes -Knox cries in every class and gets detention -Camerons grades are fine, just her emotions are out of whack -She tries her best to make it somewhat right and the girls appreciate her -Even though Meeks is strong throughout the day, she cries until the early hours with no one to hold her -Tara keeps the book and re reads the poems over and over again for memories

[fandomfiish]

@aedan-mills I'M SORRY I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS AND HAVE JUST WOKE UP NOW!

but I love how this just turned into anderperry and chameron now

indeed the romance do start when Mr. Keating comes back. And maybe when their favorite teacher returned, some semblance of peace returned to Welton, all the boys could feel it in their bones, yet they still knew there were still two things that needs to be worked on by Cam and he knew that as well.

-

That's why by the end of one of Keating's classes he and Neil device a plan which resulted in both Cam and Todd get locked on the other room inside the classroom, with Neil being the one to lock them in and they hear Mr. Keating say, "Now boy I would just leave you be to work on this quarrel but Mr. Perry decided to take the matter to his own hands."

"Neil, open the door!" Todd said, anxiousness evident from his tone.

"I'm sorry Todd, but you both need to talk." Neil said before prompting to sit down in his own chair. The other poets were there playing as spectators to whatever this will result in.

"Todd."

"Let me ask you one thing, Richard. Why the change of heart?"

"What?" Cameron looked genuinely surprised at the question.

"I mean why did you suddenly want Mr. Keating back?" Todd looked at him and Cameron shuddered, Todd was still angry, very so but he looked so calm that Cameron's afraid that he might punch him in any second, and he's afraid he's right if he doesn't say the right thing.

"I mean what happened to 'Moral code to not lie to and teacher when asked' or 'Let Mr. Keating Fry' huh?" The bitterness was evident to his tone. "Or what about 'If it wasn't for Mr. Keating Neil would still be cozy up in his room studying chemistry', what about that? What happened to those words you so utterly believed in that made you betray us in the first place?"

It's surprising how much you can hear the usually quiet Todd, speak when he's angry.

"I," Cameron took a deep breath. "I was wrong."

Two set of eyebrows were raised when he said that.

"I shouldn't have disregarded not only Neil and Mr. Keating to save my own skin, but I shouldn't have disregarded what you and the others feel before I made those decisions. I know me explaining the reasoning of why I did it would only muddy up the progress I've been making, but I do really want to make it up to you all, especially to Mr. Keating and Neil."

A few tense minutes of silence ensured with Todd just looking at Cameron who was waiting for a response. To the poets and Mr. Keating in the classroom, waiting for how it'll end.

That is until they heard Todd let out a sigh.

"I still can't forgive you." Cameron frowned, guess he'll just try-

"But I'm gonna give you a second chance."

Cameron eyes widened and he stared at Todd like her grew a new pair of head.

"What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself Cameron." Todd looked away bashfully. Though he could some happy noises from the classroom, mostly from Neil.

"But remember this Cameron." Todd said tone serious once more. "If ever I hear you insulting or even disregarding my boyfriend once more, I won't hesitate to smash your face, more than what Nuwanda would do."

Cameron stared again.

And there were a few seconds of silence as Todd finally realized what he has said, and his face grew red quickly in a second, he's about to speak to explain what he has to say but it was too late.

"BOYFRIEND?"

"WAIT WAIT WAIT, WHEN WERE YOU TWO A THING?"

"CONGRATULATION NEIL AND TODD!"

"Now, Mr. Dalton I believe you owe me 10 bucks."

"Aww dammit, thought you'd forget Mr. Keating."

The door opened to a very similar red Neil yet he has the biggest grin on his face.

"I'm your boyfriend now huh?" Neil said softly to Todd who smiled back. "Yeah."

"Good." And without question, Neil pressed his lips to Todd's.

And Cameron was glad it worked out.

----

Charlie left the classroom early, his heart beating a million times faster yet has no known explanation why.

That was a lie and he knew it.

The moment he lay his eyes on Cameron smiling thanks to Anderperry he knew he needed to leave.

"Stupid Cameron and his stupid smile, and his stupid stupid face" He grumbled as he enters the shared room.

Todd has more or less given Cameron a second chance now, and Charlie knew he was next.

And he still doesn't want to give him a second chance.

The disappointment he felt when he betrayed him, although he predicted it and wish it would never come true, still happened. And that's what hurts him.

He expected better of Cam, he really did, he got to know him better as a roommate, and maybe even if they always clash they somehow managed to work well together despite the odds.

He stared at his first, the one that socked Cameron a month ago.

He felt it shake, as the feeling of disappointment seeps in once more, not only for his disappointment for Cameron who he really really wanted to be someone who he thought would be, and yet ultimately betray and disappoint him, and his disappointment to himself for punching Cameron, although it was well deserved he felt empty after.

No euphoria, no bliss, just the endless plane of nothingness.

He know's what he's feeling, it's not just disappointment, or heartbreak.

He scared.

He's scared that if he forgives Cameron, which as much as he won't admit he would've forgiven him quite easily. He'll fall into this fall sense of security once more, before Cameron would betray him once more.

He's scared of Cameron and it's not just because of his betrayal.

The heavy thumps inside Charlie's chest seem to agree with him.

His fear lies deep, and have more nuance that he needs help in understanding it.

Maybe a talk with Anderperry and Mr. Keating wouldn't hurt.

Operation: "Make it that Todd and Charlie won't kill Cameron whenever their eyes meet in the hallways" is a go!

@aedan-mills skskskskskks

First question is, who other than the two and Neil would forgive Cameron and would help him in this operation though?