wordshakers

[wordshakers]

have realized that while i am not a fan necessarily of "people meet and immediately fall in love" i am a fan of "people meet and are immediately obsessed with each other." the love can come later but the absolute fixation should be immediate

[wordshakers]

Every time a small child starts crying or having a tantrum in my vicinity and I catch the parents glancing at me I’ve started saying “me when…”.

Friend kept trying to tell his crying kindergartener to calm down and relax and the kid growled “I AM relaxed” while visibly tensing every muscle in his body and I was like “oh that’s me at work every day” and we had a chuckle.

Parents look to other adults like “shit are they mad? Do they think my kid is acting like a demon?” And this response is my attempt to say “no. I think your kid is just acting like a human being.”

I WISH I could fling myself on the ground and cry because I experienced a minor inconvenience.

[wordshakers]

[wordshakers]

Me: man I wish there was something to make this bread more interesting :/

The saporous garlic bulb:

[wordshakers]

just got jumpscared at work today

[wordshakers]

To this day one of the heaviest, most load bearing tweets of all time

[wordshakers]

if house was transgender he’d bring it up all the time.

[wordshakers]

[wordshakers]

For Years my brother has been fucking with me by periodically texting me to say Jimmy Carter had finally died. Today the bit has paid off.

The response to my reaction at work was “what do you MEAN ‘for real this time’?????”

I fucking hate it here I’m crying

[wordshakers]

how do you draw wet hair

[wordshakers]

i wish depriving yourself of food and sleep wasn't seen as fun and quirky. like listen man i get it, you tell people how little you survive on and they go "omg you're crazy how are you standing!!" and you feel cool and special. but it's not worth it dude. sleep more than 4 hours before class. have more for breakfast than a single coffee. please.

[wordshakers]

u heard him ladies

[wordshakers]

party rockers in their bed tonight. every body just have a good night

[wordshakers]

WHEN YOU ADD A DRY BEVERAGE POWDER (SAY, ORANGE GATORADE) TO CARBONATED WATER (SAY, IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE SOMETHING RESEMBLING ORANGE SODA) THE CARBONATION REACTS WITH EACH INDIVIDUAL MOTE OF POWDER ALL AT ONCE AND YOUR DRINK EXPLODES, SCARING THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND MAKING A MESS IN YOUR KITCHEN. FOR AN OPTIMAL CARBONATED GATORADE EXPERIENCE, I RECOMMEND POURING THE CARBONATED WATER OVER THE POWDER, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

[wordshakers]

I hope you guys are also being kind to people you don't wanna fuck.

[wordshakers]

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

[wordshakers]