#i feel just outed myself as a loser in this post
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dont get annoyed at me, sorry in advanced
would it be too crazy to say this about nanami? hes fictional anyway so it wouldn’t matter. but as much as I say this, yeah I do want him to fuck the living shit out of me until I pass out.
I want him to show me off so bad to the point he literally makes a pornhub page and posts the both of us fucking in every fucking position possible and doing every kinky thing possible. id let him rail me as my wrists are chained up on the bed frame and im gagged (or blindfolded) with his tie as he fucks me so well. I need him to cum inside me, continuously until I end up almost pregnant with just his cum and he has to shove his fingers back inside me to pull out everything. as much as I hate the thought of period sex I wouldn't mind trying it out just with nanami. I wish I could give him head while hes in a work meeting and he has to refrain himself from making too much noise while talking. I wish he could cheat on me and fuck another girl in front of me so I could just get mad at him. I wish I could peg him. I wish he would let people watch us fuck. I wish he could fuck into my mouth until I remember each vein and how long and thick it is, (hard and soft). same goes for his cum, I wish he would load a nut into my mouth until I remember the exact taste. I wish he would jerk off in front of me everyday so I can watch his rough large hands wrap around his cock so perfectly, as he strokes up and down faster and faster while staring into my eyes with his flushed face. I wish he would let me ride his nose every day and let me ride him every day, until he memorizes the rhythm and he fucks me in the same movement. I wish he could kidnap me and trap me in his place forever, id develop Stockholm syndrome if it meant staying with nanami. I wish he stalk me like a creepy man and take secret pictures of me, framing them all over his room and jerking off to them every night. I wish he could eat me out every night and drink up all of me, I want to disintegrate in his arms and make sure im left with my soul-less body with him and he has to keep it as a memory, caging up my remains and keeping it by his side until he dies, and we die together. I wish he could fuck me in semi public areas to the point we almost get caught. I wish he could slit my wrists and fuck the cuts. I wish he could love me to the point im all he needs. I wish he could fuck me in the small bathroom In an airplane and only telling me we have a few minutes before they call everyone back to their seats, I wish we could drink all night and get severely drunk to the point of almost getting alcohol poisoning but we still have time to fuck. I wish we could have sex in the ocean as he dunks my head towards the deep end letting all the sea animals see us, I wish he could watch me fuck myself. I wish he could fuck me with his weapon, I wish he could use ratio on me.
he could chain me up and blindfold me with his tie, but yet, thats still not enough. I need more. Ive never been a sex addict in my life and or never had sex before, so of course I sound like a loser virgin with no logic in sex but this man makes it seem so UGHHHHH. my biggest hc is that hes an experimentalist and he will try ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING no matter what. this part may be weird but I kinda want him to abuse me.. I dont even know where to let this out but I know as bad as it sounds I actually wouldn't be mind thrown across the room, pushed, slapped, punched, anything physical I wouldn't mind. I honestly would let him leave bruises on me and mark me as his any way he wants (ofc my statement wasn't a healthy option though) but still!!!!! fucking hell I feel the things I say aren't enough and im just repeating myself a bunch of times without actually thinking of anything new to say but I swear theres so much I wish to say but I can't seem to word it properly. anyway this obsession has gone way too insane if I see other people mention nanami and say that hes their man, my mood immediately changes, like this is MY MAN. MY MANNNNN MINE MINE MINE MINEEEE we are literally soulmates and everything!!!!! this is probably the second or third fictional man ive self shipped myself with because I genuinely love him so much and I dont think this obsession will go away in the next two or so years but telling people I know about this obsession is such a struggle mainly cause they think im a weird gooner or that I sound dumb so I only ever told my close friends who actually watch jjk and they dont get me at all :( sighs nanami is so adorable I want to squish him and hug him and throw him across the world until he comes crawling back to me cause GOD as im writing this im listening to music and everything reminds me of him, I can't handle this I wish to have a read man who can act like nanami and come to my life because im so close to manifesting nanami to come to me. I can't even handle this obsession enough I dont know why but I want him to be my everything I need every person in my life to be replaced with nanami. my doctor, dentist, teacher, friend, LITERALLY ANYTHING!!!!!!! ugh those fuckign biceps pleas ehe can choke me with them and id literally beg, BEG, for moreeee I need more, I need everything, and I need Nanami.
#jjk#nanami kento#jujutsu kaisen#i love nanami kento#jjk nanami#i need him#im going insane#hes so fine#nanami x reader#nanami my love#my man#nanami x me#nanami smut#jujutsu nanami#Nanami Kento wouldn't do this im sorry#nanami fluff
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i was outside studying all day today and literally was the happiest i’ve been in months. maybe going outside is about the bee’s circling the honeysuckle right above me, and the stray cats walking up to me, and about how cool dr. pepper feels when you’ve been in the sun all day
#groundbreaking i KNOWWWW#i feel just outed myself as a loser in this post#maybe i have more time and energy than i think maybe i just needed to feel the sun against my skin#going outside is awesome but feeling present when you’re outside is awesome-er#i forgot to mention the smell of dried grass in the sun to my list of descriptions but i feel like i talked too much already#but to me summer smells like dried grass and burning tree bark#BY THE WAY dr. pepper literally tastes like a smell and i think that’s their marketing tactic. that’s why i keep getting it#i’m trying to find out what it actually tastes like. i do this over and over and i’m tangled within her soda shackles#talking#op
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vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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me stressing over writing johan's manipulation, mind-games, smooth-talking qualities and general demeanor in monster... but then suddenly remembering I already made a loser post-rurenheim version of himself that shares near NOTHING in common with his manga or anime self, has zero charisma or put-togetherness, probably gets high, cries, and passes out in a 7/11 parking lot, and can't even have the social aptitude to hold a normal conversation with people anymore... so now I don't gotta stress about writing him anymore <33
#me when I look back on my post-rurenheim johan thoughts and babbling: “I miss her......”#I feel like it's so hard to get back into my post-rurenheim loser johan mindset with how much disdain I grew for my johan writing.#but I'm slowly getting over my fear of “”“OOC”“ johan. and just enjoying it all over again.#like who tf said we HAVE to write johan as accurately as possible? 😭 (me trying to convince myself LMAOO).#AND I LOWKEY MISS LOSER JOHAN WHO I HAVE STRIPPED OFF ALL HIS CHARISMA AND SUAVENESS OFF. I NEED HIM BACK.#SANTA GIVE ME BACK MY BURNT OUT GIFTED KID WASHED OUT LOSER OF A MAN BACK FOR THIS CHRISTMAS. PLEASE AND THANK YOU <33#like i don't know why I stopped myself for writing him when I was genuinely having THE most fun when writing post-rurenheim loser johan.#like i need him to not look at anyone with a fake plastic ass smile anymore and just look at them like he did tenma after waking from a com#pre-rurenheim johan: 😊😇😊#post-rurenheim johan: 😐😕😒😒#suusoh speaks
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Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!
It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!
I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.
Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!
#i don't JUST like posts too often#really the only posts i dont reblog but like are to save for later or if it's too personal/explicit#or i guess i have nothing to add and OP has said it all yknow#but if i see some writing or art i love then hell yeah i always force myself to add at least one tag i like just so the artist/author sees#otherwise it feels like a hollow transaction and i really want people to know i appreciate their art more than just pressing a button yknow#and I KNOW it's intimidating at first to interact with others!! TRUST ME i get it and i'm still awful at it#but just one little comment can make someone feel so good about their writing... why wouldn't someone want to try that at least#especially if you enjoyed it!!! even a key smash or a string of emojis!!!#and the death of the tumblr tag is SO SAD because where else am i meant to talk to you lot?#i mean these tags are longer than my actual post and that's the beauty of tumblr#you don't have to perceive me down here but you can if you wish and i love you for that!#and it's a nice way to organise your blog to make it navigable for others#ANYWAY said i was done whining and continued whining down here so there's that LOL but i always want to interact with more people#please do not be afraid of reaching out to me! scroll through my blog for 5 seconds and you'll see what a nerdy loser i am#akdjgds i mean aren't we all here#spud rants#writing#but thanks again to anyone who leaves nice comments im giving you a (consensual) forehead smooch MWAH
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not to 21 pilots post in 2024 but there's truly nothing like crying and listening to Truce
#spotify very helpfully made me a playlist for crying#im just feeling so isolated lately#i just wish somebody cared#like at all#it makes me want to act out and scare people tbh#just scream that im not fine#im not tough#im not strong#im hurting#im just not ok anymore#its getting bad#truly feels like nobody cares who isnt blood related to me#my mom and my sister are the people who keep me from killing myself tbh#they need me#i really think everyone else would get over it in a year or so#and i feel so stupid for being 25 and still feeling so powerless and stupid#im here posting on tumblr to nobody#like a fucking loser#personal
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#I do genuinely feel jealous at those who managed to move away from their dickhead family and forever not associated with them.#Like. It's stupid. I should feel happy for them#But i'm also a dickhead myself so...damn. wish that could have been me#Everyone in this family is just...worse and worse...including me#Like. How many times i vent and finding reasons to talk shit about them#I'm still the loser that stuck here#Instead of...idk...actually working up the skills and courage to move out#Now i'm just being a moron sitting here and listen to their “i'll kill myself” jokes#It's not jokes. Cuz' 65% they will do it. Or just die to natural causes. Pffr#But they keep confessing it to me out of the blue that i feel like it's a running gag#Like. Man. I'm trying#Or am i????#Just...looking for motivations from every small joys from messages or stupid things i did or said to coworkers#But in the end. I'm still here#Will i ever get out????#Maybe?????#Man. Either i died in this shit hole. Hopefully before them.#Or died outside due to proverty but maybe i would feel a bit of happiness of not being with them anymore#Blergh. Whatever happens happens i guess#Or however people say it#Back to liking tumblr post or playing video games because i literally has no other hobbies
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Ur a curly enjoyer and thats so based. I still havent played mouthwashing but i like the look of him
his design is absolutely one of the main reasons i decided to look into the game its so good, i havent played it yet either (just watched a play through) but im thinking about it tbh 👀
#mw#ask the loser#just-spacetrash#i heard the company that made the game is planning on releasing merch for it and i really want them to make a curly plushie tbh#like guppyscolita's havik plushie lol#also i saw someone complaining a bit about people just thinking curly is hot#but like. they didnt specify if it was pre-crash or post-crash curly#and like if its pre-crash i guess i can understand that (tho i feel like i havent seen that much of it myself)#but if its people thinking post-crash curly is hot. where are they and can i hang out with them 👀#anyways u should definitely play/watch it i think you would like it
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Actually the sims is fun for helping with not only outfits but also like. Silly character stuff. I've already got a few silly traits I'm gonna give Riku based on his Sim self.
#oc tag#i might have an addiction to this game i literally have to time myself so i wont play too much#i might put the traits in a reblog maybe his sim self too if anyone wants to see#idk i feel like i want to stop being so shy about posting about him like what happened lmao#anyways he is kind of a loser in the game ngl. lore accurate#riku k.#finally got some ideas for fits for him too#and also it helped me sort out my yuna design - still gonna make some changes when it comes to my drawings of her but i like how she looks#shes just a kid in the game because i changed the age difference between them#he's 16/17 in captain and shes 11/12... roughly#shes much younger than before anyway
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okay the defense for seunghan on tt is rubbing me the wrong way, of fucking course having to apologise for having a gf predebut is ridiculous and the people blaming him for it might do that out of dissatisfaction with their own love lives HOWEVER I keep seeing videos quite seriously saying "sorry he wasn't a pathetic loser and actually pulled bitches" and at first I was like okay you're emphasizing the reason people are attacking him..but at some point I realise that people are being literal like to them not having had a partner is actually smth shameful?
defending seunghan against the most unreasonable hate ever is the right thing to do but why you gotta phrase it like that??
am i being too sensitive? I can't tell
#i for one am somewhat of a 'pathetic loser' myself and i feel no shame about it whatsoever#im not sensitive about it cause of my own insecurity#but ive seen posts on here talking about virgin shaming and how it relates to acephobia etc#so its smth that kinda stuck out to me#idk let me know if im reading into it i might just be misunderstanding
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if i dont see my friends tomorrow i will literally die
#i know im always so dramatic about this but im so alone it's pathetic.......#like everyone always has other people and im always asking people to pleeeeease pay attention to me like a pathetic dog#i keep asking people 'so are we meeting this week' 😥 like i swear im always asking this#and i just feel so pathetic about this like. heeyyy hiii please meet me someone im so normal hahaha pleaseeee 😥#and i dont want to blame people because like yeah. life. in general#but also it just keeps happening how we specifically set up a possible time and#then that time comes and TO ME it's supposed to be like the best day ever. literally the only time i can ever feel happiness. ONLY time fr#and then it's just another thursday for them like they promised someone else something.#and then i have to be like okay :') what about next week x day then :')#and then i ALWAYS end up making myself believe that this time it's actually gonna work out!!!! really!!!!!!!#and then it never does!!!!!! for such a long time!!!!#and i know like. whatever. life. it's literally normal i know and im not blaming them i really am not#but im just blaming myself for being so pathetic that the only sliver of happiness in my life is#meeting other people every few weeks if im lucky lmao#like. truly loser behavior#before anyone says i should meet new people maybe. that's true probably#but. :')#that post that goes like 'how it feels to be in a transitional period in your life' lmaoooooooooooo ooooo ooooo you know#anyway. i will probably delete this when i realize how unwell i sound but. well#🗒
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man i got into so many loser media this year..... proud of me
#j.txt#damnation has like 3 people still posting about it. i am one of the 3#got unironically into tswift because all her songs are about kendall roy. loser in spirit not numbers unfortunately#finally watched rings of power lol. self explanatory but that gay elf and his gay dwarf guy are there. so#life is strange 2 came out like 5 years ago and nobody liked it even then fuck you btw for that <3#my niche riverdale fics get like 200 hits now which is a beautiful number but compared to fics before they are loser stats let's be honest#can't remember if i watched or just rewatched wheel of time this year but NONE of my mutuals post about her so she is on this list#but she's the baddest bitch on here#and the lazarus project literally has 5 works on ao3 and i can't read any of them#i do love it though it feels good it feels right. builds character#and creative works that i am forced to make myself :(
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🚩 Whatever's on your mind bc I can't think of a topic. c':
send me a 🚩 and i'll share my unpopular rpc opinions and hot takes.
[[ It's okay to have favorites. Everyone has favorites. People should understand that sometimes you just have muse for a certain thread/type of threads for a few days and that's completely okay.
But if you ignore certain people for WEEKS all while being active every single day... Just be honest and admit you're not interested. Be honest with them and be honest with yourself. You have to make this into a comfortable place for you first and foremost, but being a decent person is actually super easy. Honesty hurts but it's 100% better than leaving people hanging and waiting and hoping for something that you cannot provide for them. ]]
#mask off / ooc post#[[like man. if you're only here for ships and the other person doesn't have the sort of muse for that just be upfront about it#you can't just feed people crumbs every month or two and still expect them to grovel at your feet#we are all equal here. we are all just nerd losers who care too much about ficitional characters#it's not hard to be respectful and to treat others like humans with feelings]]#[[like idk i have real nasty rsd i feel like people hate my guts and talk about me behind my back all the time but also#i'm adult enough not to listen to those impulses and appreciate when people do reach out to me#i balance between quick replies to threads i hyperfocus on and queue system to make sure i get back to everyone within 2-3 weeks#because if i don't see myself writing with someone i just. don't follow]]
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AAAGHAGAGAJHA I HATE being too much for people
#“youre not too much for me” my friends will cry out#and theyre WRONG#because i have not been all of myself to ANYONE in a very long time#and even the parts of me that are seen are too much#im tired of randomly bursting into tears today because i remember times people told me they wished i would shut up#or that i talk too much#or that my interests are silly or make me a “loser”#and im tired of people who say theyre interested in my ideas even though they arent and just want to be nice#i miss middle school and my one friend who could take me in all of my entirety#and i miss you erri.#you never wanted to make me feel weird or too much#im just#God#will anyone actually love me in my entirety#or am i just being selfish about this#maybe i am#i dont know#i just wish i didnt hate myself around people#anyways#vent post
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Another night I feel like my world is ending, so I went for a drive. Tried to sleep earlier. Nothing doing. Took a couple antianxieties. Surprisingly, not much help. Made me a little sleepy, cried a little, maybe a little more relaxed, but still…. blegh.
So, I’ve got my beeg drink, a podcast going, and I’m sitting in the Kroger parking lot because it’s 4:30+ in the morning and I need to see actual humans walking around. I don’t know how to explain it. Seeing other people continue on with their lives helps calm my doomer anxiety.
This sucks.
#going to give up on sleeping tonight because…#because because because because…#because my brain hates me and whenever I try to sleep now I feel like I’m going to die#I NEED to schedule more appointments#I don’t know why I didn’t. I mean#I mean I do know why I didn’t. it’s because I think I had a couple good days and didn’t want to stress myself#which is stupid. a little stress scheduling today stops me from stressing more later#I need drugs! I need therapy. I might need to see an ENT again bc I’m paranoid about my sinuses#sorry I got annoyed this week seeing posts talking shit about therapy and it just made me feel shitty for needing it#but whatever. whatever works for you. this is rambling#I’m gonna stay up. try to see the sunrise. see more people walking around.#I miss having friends… but damn that was a long time ago#that nice sweet spot right around highschool and right after where we would all hang out all night#just driving around or loitering or watching movies at each other’s places#do you ever really get to have friends like that again?#seems like you’d have to make a bunch of friends in school and then hold onto them as hard as you can#or maybe I just need to be more social. but that’s rough. how’s a 35 year old introvert loser supposed to be social in a normal way?#also…#I just want to be held#that’s all I wanted earlier. to be held for awhile. to have someone comfort me physically.#just hang out with me. sit on your phone next to me. let me know I’m not doing this alone.#be a bro! jeez!#okay it’s almost 5. guess I should get back to driving#whatever. this sucks. I’m so anxious.#you can ignore this#text
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