#i feel ashamed of where i am

[hughiecampbelle]

2025 is going to be so gentle I promise 💕

[retributory]

kind of irritates me a little bit when people act like it's weird or wrong or ooc for sy to have internalized homophobia as if that isn't probably the most realistic thing about the plot to begin with. he's a chinese man who grew up in the late 90s - early 00s and spent all his time online i would be frankly more surprised if he had ZERO hangups about being gay. this is explicitly presented as a character flaw so i'm not sure why people act like mxtx is homophobic for writing a guy with internalized homophobia. also he like gets over it in volume 4 anyways you gotta give him some time dude he died like 3 times and he keeps getting force-fed blood he's got a lot on his plate

[ganondoodle]

although i know i wont ever be able to truly convey how i feel or think about something (which is fine) i have this extreme desire ... need even to attempt it anyway, i am constantly burning with needing to show people what im feeling, what i care about, i dont consider myself a good writer, i draw more than i write, i talk ... or try to, in pictures, that is how i connect with others

not being able to achieve it, or way too little with more and more piling up for so long feels like its killing me from the inside

[yanderespamton78]

what do you mean there are people who played undertale and deltarune and just like. got on with their lives. what the fuck. you sir or ma'am or gender neutral equivalent have been exposed to the most emotional, influencial, heart wrenching, interesting, unique, life altering piece of media that could ever exist and you are just gonna like. go on with your life???? how. teach me your ways

[arendaes]

It's 5:30am, I can't sleep because I had a bad night last night and I need to vent.

Sometimes I wonder if not being more open about my offline life is to my detriment, because it never fails that I seem to attract people who see me as someone who's easy to walk all over. So many people I've known both online and off really like to treat me however they like, including being rude, condescending, and sometimes just downright cruelly, but the moment I have enough and draw a line in the sand they just want to wipe it away and tell me all about how I'm the one in the wrong.

I once had a friend who ignored my existence for six months and then got mad when I told her I wasn't coming to her son's birthday party. When I say "ignored my existence", I don't just mean unanswered texts; I mean I worked at a store in town and saw her in there multiple times. Every time I would wave and say hi while she was looking right at me and she would walk right by me as if I wasn't there. She knew I worked there too because we met working there. Literally we went from hanging out every day off we had together to that and still she got mad when I was hurt and just didn't want to come to a child's goddamned birthday party (when I have no kid of my own) because of it. The kid was only a year old so it wasn't like he knew who I was, either.

And online has been worse in a lot of ways. I made a friend a few years ago back when I first started getting involved in fandom. At the time I was resistant to the idea but now I realize I befriended him out of pity, because no one seemed to really want to be involved with him and he'd always been so nice to me. That was a mistake, because it turned out he was an alt-right chud who waited until he thought we were close enough and then started deliberately baiting me into arguments where he'd say horrible shit to me and make me upset and then fucking laugh He admitted it was fun for him to upset me. He stopped laughing when I finally stood up for myself and cut him out of my life, only to repeatedly ignore my requests for him to leave me alone. He would send me messages and like my posts, along with asking his friends to do the same and even writing a fic about one of my favorite characters where an unnamed OC treated said character poorly (all while said OC said things that were word for word things I said to him in out last conversation) and posting it where he knew I'd see it. Thankfully his conscience got the better of him with that last one and he took it down just a few days after posting, but the damage was done. He's the reason my ask box is closed most of the time and I have it set to where only followers can message me or comment on my posts. I think he's moved on - I hope he's moved on - but I live with this ever-present fear he hasn't and if I let my guard drop he'll start again.

And this is just two of the biggest incidents in a long line of family members saying I can't have boundaries with them because they're faaaamily and honest conversations with friends about how they've hurt me only to have them turn around and blame that hurt on myself. I'm just...so confused about what I can even do anymore. It feels like no matter what I do I just attract people who want to use and abuse my good nature. Hell, it's been so bad that I typed that and immediately thought "are you good-natured or do you just have an unnecessarily high opinion of yourself?" Which I know is the brain demon talking, but sometimes it's hard to drown it out, especially when this is all I've ever known.

[mothinabottle]

Had PC Hana go through all kinds of temple shit just to see Jordan's scenes one more time cuz my other PCs were well past it (Loaded a previous save after that. She really is no material for the temple lol). And god...They actually have so much personality in the Kylar manor rescue scenes, and even afterwards.

I found myself feeling bad for them again and reminding myself why I like Jordan so much in the first place (Though Sirris still has me in a chokehold).

The way they can be so expressive in certain occasions. Wincing, getting flustered, being overprotective and sometimes funnily clumsy.

I wish we had more scenes with them, more hints as to why they have their hands tied when it comes to helping PC with some things. They are both an oblivious prick and a huge sweetheart.

[fridayyy-13th]

having several sleep-deprived Thoughts and Feelings about a series that technically doesn't exist yet how are y'all doing this morning

[panicbones]

maybe its cuz basically all of the figures i own come from media whos intended audience is children but ive always found it a little ridiculous when folks cant cope with liking media for kids and have to insist Its Really Grown Up and Serious Actually. i think childrens media is able to be so impactful BECAUSE its for children-- it lacks the scorn and irony so prevalent in shit for adults. at least thats why i like it; its a reprieve from how awful the world is. and also its so unapologetically campy. anyways. * holds out my hand * lets unlearn shame together

[esterzach]

"Let me back in" Yesssss! I knew it! Them!!! Thank you! That was so beautiful!

[mars-ipan]

still insane to me how ppl pretend fatphobia is about health only to continue to be fatphobic when someone gains weight or even just looks somewhat fatter as a result of improving health

[dessa-banks]

I should not have to feel ashamed for being transmasculine. I cannot believe this is a ""hot take""

[quailsprout]

just when i thought jayce couldn't get any more peak he instantly and wholly surrenders to viktor on the rooftop when he realizes he is in the very spot where he is destined to fail. and then mind meld psychosex partners "in every timeline" happens. love wins YIPPEE

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[lumiilys]

What if I just rambled in the tags rn?

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

[jeremy-pakhitou]

I did that the other day but I was too embarrassed to format it and/or post it but shame got nothing on me at night 👍🏻

Still, the story is that Eunyung got drunk and he kisses people when he's drunk so yeah make with that what you want I lied I'm still ashamed 🙈