#i feel a little hollowed out

[isthisjackie]

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[lilybug-02]

Tis but a scratch!

Bug Fact:  Stick Bugs will often imitate twigs swaying in the wind by rocking back and forth as they move.

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[cerulean-crow]

I was a creepypasta and mlp grimdark kid- I absolutely loved them and they definitely shaped my interests in horror and gore that I have now! I am not immune to the nostalgia of these infection au’s, and honestly I am thriving. I love reading everyone’s ideas and seeing everyone’s art, and I got inspired to try my own hand at one!

I’ve been calling it the Crystal Heart Contagion. I am not sure how far I’ll take this but it’s fun to draw and think about. I considered going a bit crazy with actual gore, but this was just supposed to be a concept page and I wanted to keep it simple and just flesh out some ideas I had bouncing around in my head. Besides, I actually really like body horror that doesn’t involve a ton of gore- and like that note says, has an air of beauty alongside the disturbing elements.

Again, not sure how far I’ll take this- so I’m just gonna jot down some thoughts and notes! I’ll put ‘em under the cut because I am very wordy <3

Also I try to tag my stuff as best as possible because I know not everyone loves horror and these Mlp horror au’s as much as I do! I don’t want people to interact with my posts if it makes them uncomfortable, so if I miss a tag please let me know.

The Crystal Heart Contagion is transmitted when infected crystals come into contact with one’s bloodstream. The afflicted will experience body pains and stiffness at first, hemophilia, and symptoms like lethargy and migraines. The crystals will begin to form in clusters on the skeletal system, eventually breaking through the skin and, after a long enough period of time, will completely petrify the afflicted in solid crystal.

I imagine that one’s teeth, hooves, and horns are where crystals will begin to break through first. I like the idea of stylizing manes as they crystalize- but that’s exploration for another day!

I am currently thinking of the infection more like a parasite of some kind. Parasitic crystals that feed on magic and rely on living creatures to carry them farther in order to spread themselves.

The infection originally didn’t do much to change one’s personality, they would just get weaker and weaker as they were overtaken by the crystals. It was only when the infection started again, when Equestria was home to many more different species and overflowing with way more magic, that the crystals would begin to mutate at a rapid rate. Those afflicted would begin to show signs of aggression that would have them attacking others, thus leading to further spreading.

Some physical details I like is the eyes hollowing out and resembling geodes! Crystals emerging from the spines, horns becoming crystallized, and crystals forming over teeth and jaw to create fangs are all stuff I would love to flesh out in further detail.

I also love the idea of the chest ripping open to reveal a crystal heart held in a crystallized ribcage! I think I will forever be influenced by the Angel Trap in Saw 3

The idea of this infection is still developing and I’m still doing a lot of research and thinking on the words to describe it. My original thoughts took inspiration from a parasitic infection and rabies. My brain also likes thinking of it like a mold in how it spreads or thinking of the crystals like a coral reef (mostly as a visual inspiration)

The background and timeline is all still a work in progress. I haven’t rewatched the full series in so long and I’m implementing plenty of my own headcanons- so it’s all very vague right now.

The original idea is that the infection started during King Sombra’s reign. He created these parasitic crystals and unleashed them upon Celelstia and Luna’s army with the hopes of dwindling their numbers and expanding the reach of the Crystal Empire further through the Frozen North. When he was sealed away, Celestia and Luna would bring several of the infected back to Equestria for study. They would hide them away deep underground beneath a mountain, where the lack of nutrients in the rock would eventually cause the crystals to stop forming and enter some kind of hibernation.

Celestia would later build Canterlot after the banishment of Nightmare Moon, and she would use the very kingdom itself to block off the caverns and keep them hidden for everyone’s safety.

The Crystal Caverns would become known again during the Canterlot Wedding when Cadance and Twilight escaped from them. However, nothing would ever happen after the fact, and Celestia and Luna would continue to hope that with Sombra sealed away and the crystals dormant for so long, that this infection was truly no more.

When I first got this all in my head, the idea was that Flurry Heart’s Crystalling was what caused the parasitic-crystals to get a kickstart of energy and begin spreading again.

That is the part where the timeline starts getting really wonky. Cause I think I’d want Twilight to be running her school and have the young six around, but that’s in season 8 and the crystalling was in season 6. But I can honestly fudge the timeline however I want, it’s an alternate universe after all.

I think that Celestia sacrifices herself in order to save Luna and help as many people flee Canterlot as possible. This was when I still very early into thinking this au through and a potential story that could be told with it- and with the worldbuilding I’ve been doing over the last few days I don’t entirely know if it still fits. I love the scene in my head that comes from it though- so I decided to keep the sketch of crystallized Celestia in the end.

I love the idea of crystals on her head mimicking sun rays! And her forelegs and wings becoming one so she staggers around like a wyvern. That’s definitely a design I would love to flesh out if I get the time.

I am having fun!

[lloydfrontera]

wait lmao what I didn't know there was such a skip. I'm sorry this is comedy to me. so you're telling me they have this crazy ass dimension-jumping shenanigans with Javier tearing up as he finally finds Lloyd, his best friend, the most important person in his life, while it's a mutual statement for the both of them, and then we get no dialogue. and skip to Lloyd getting shoved into a hetero romance with no build up. sorry I can't believe this is real. this sounds like a joke and I choose to treat is as such. this is the most hilarious ending and the marriage now feels even more out of place hdufiskaoa9o

OH MY FUCKING GOD RIGHT?!?!?!! it is weird isn't it???? i'm not being crazy for feeling like it's a weird ass choice??? i felt like i was going insane!! i swear to god i felt like i was being gaslighted when i read it!!! there was no way that was the ending!! there was no way that ch 401 ended with one of the most romantic and heartfelt scenes i have ever read and then the next chapter just????? did a time skip where none of that was acknowledged and lloyd was just fucking married off to alicia??? completely off-screen if i may add!

i made a post about it before but i simply need to rant all over again oh my god

general warning for spoilers because i'm about to dissect the entire novel through a llojavi lens

AGAIN. SPOILERS WARNING FOR THE ENDING OF TGED.

i literally cannot express how much of a mid fuck it is when you realize that lloyd and javier's relationship is very much Thee Slowburn of tged. like. this is an indisputable fact. even if you don't think there's anything romantic between them, which, holy fuck that's such a fucking reach one must be really be in denial to not see it but whatever, even then you simply cannot argue that their relationship isn't the most important one in the entire story.

javier is the very first person lloyd talks to in the first chapter. he's the first person that welcomes him into his new life. he's the one he has to work the hardest to endear himself to. he's the one he spends the most time with. he's the one that follows him around literally everywhere he goes.

from the very beginning their relationship is given a special attention that few other things get in the plot.

through the entire story we get constant moments of them getting to know each other as people and getting closer as a result. they're constantly in each other's thoughts, which is very natural as they're in each other's company almost 24/7. it is actually hard to find a chapter where they not talking to each other or at the very least together. i cannot emphasize enough how,,, enmeshed and entangled they are with one another as characters. i mean it when i say they are a set do not separate them.

it takes lloyd 222 chapters to even admit to himself that javier is his friend and that he wants to keep him safe not because he's the protagonist of the story or useful to him or anything like that but simply because he cares for him and doesn't want him to die. because, and i quote, 'he thought he'd always be with javier for the rest of his life. just like now, he thought they'd spend all their time together moving forward. and like they always did, they'd be by each other's side during hard times. happy moments. relaxed days. they'd share all these moments as they exchanged insults and corny jokes, growing old as a lazy lord of a fiefdom and his knight. lloyd always thought so. the thought just came naturally, without much effort from him, much like breathing. lloyd believed that javier would always remain by his side as that was how it had been until now.' (ch222) <- actual textual quote. btw. if you even care.

and then. it takes javier 320 chapters, a hundred chapters more, to realize that he cares about lloyd much more than a knight cares about his lord's son. because he, and once again i quote, 'is [his] true master in [his] heart. lloyd was his friend. and now, javier wanted to protect lloyd. he would sincerely protect him with everything he had.' <- this is, if i may add some context, said as javier is fighting against a goddamn angel, literally heaven's will, to protect lloyd. after figuring out lloyd is a fake. that he's been lying to javier for several years about almost everything including who he is. and yet. this is what javier feels for him.

they are the definition of a slowburn. it takes them this long to even admit they are friends. and this is with us getting to see them together almost every chapter of the way. we get to see every step of the way. we see their relationship develop with all manner of detail.

and then. when you think you cannot get even more dramatic about them. guess what the major conflict of the plot is. guess fucking what the last obstacle for the story to get a happy ending is.

let me set the scene for you:

lloyd has just finished the jewel of truth, the artifact that will get him the answer he seeks on how to stop the restoration of fate, how he can stop destiny from making the original events of the novel come true and destroy everything he has worked and kill everyone he loves. he has javier at his side, who rushed to join him underwater to make sure he was safe and sound while using it, and he can't help but fondly think how lucky he is to have javier, who is loyal and true and has never abandoned him.

a quote of lloyd's thoughts in this scene:

That’s why, you bastard. I’m going to take care of you until the very end. Once I, your wise and older friend, solve the restoration of destiny problem, you’re going to enjoy the rest of your life by my side in peace. [...] He smiled at Javier and thought to himself. You’re my only friend, Javier. I couldn’t have overcome all the obstacles in front of me without your help. So, my trustworthy and reliable comrade, stick with me until I become a lazy lord and you become my personal guard. I hope we will be able to grow old together… -ch 327

as you can see. he's once again planning on spending the rest of his life with javier. canonically. not even an interpretation this is straight up textual i cannot emphasize enough

and then. the jewel of truth gives him the answer. how to stop the restoration of fate. it's very easy. very simple solution in fact.

either lloyd or javier have to die or otherwise vanish from existence.

that's it. there can only be one protagonist in the world and because of everything lloyd has done he's now being acknowledged by fate as the protagonist of the story along with javier. which cannot stand.

so that's the only thing stopping lloyd from getting his happy ending. he just,,, has to either kill his best friend or kill himself.

let me rephrase this from a narrative perspective: the major conflict of the story is now lloyd facing either the choice of letting everything he's achieved and everyone he loves be destroyed. losing his best friend, the person he cares the most about and has been developing an extremely close relationship through the entire plot. or dying himself.

lloyd of course then spends the rest of the plot trying to find a way to avoid having to die. that's literally what the rest of the novel is about. lloyd trying by all means possible seeking a way to not having to die. because at no point, does he ever consider letting javier die in his place even an option. he doesn't want to die of course, but he never saw javier sacrificing himself as the solution to that problem.

the entire conflict of the last part of the novel is lloyd finding a way for him and javier to be able to remain together without either of them having to sacrifice their lives for the other.

he doesn't succeed.

they end up in a battle down in hell where both of them try to give for one another leading to this absolutely delightful parallel

so fucking tasty oh my god i still go crazy when i see this set of illustrations actually

lloyd wins btw. he gets to sacrifice his life for javier. to javier's absolute heartbreak.

but lloyd doesn't die. he does end up stuck in korea tho, a place he would've rather died than go back to, so he has that going on for him. he's back in his goshiwon, absolutely heartbroken and without knowing what to do.

and then we end up with that scene. javier at his doorstep, having crossed dimensions, tearing up as he sees him and tells him how much he's missed him, looking at him with this face:

now. let's pause here. let's take a moment. take in everything i've just explained. everything that has happened to get to this point.

be honest with me. what would you say is the most natural way the story can progress from here.

take into account all that i have recounted and that i skipped so many other things of the same nature so we wouldn't be here all day.

what do you as a reader would expect to happen next

well, i'll tell you:

cut to black we're now an unspecified amount of time later lloyd has already had all the important conversations we've been waiting to see the entire time off screen and is now preparing himself for his wedding to alicia that we will also not get to see by the way

and you know what the funniest thing is. you know what is the cherry on top.

fucking guess who's the last person we see him talk with.

guess who's the person he ends the novel sharing a smile with.

yeah. Yeah.

i really don't know what else to say. i don't know how else to explain how insane this feels. how incredibly dissonant it comes across. i don't want to use the worse gaslighting like this but it's the closest word i can find to describe what it feels like. i feel like i'm being told something is happening when i can see with my own eyes it is not. or rather that i'm seeing something happen and i'm being told that no it is not and that i'm making it up.

i don't know what bk moon was going for. i really don't. especially when this is what he has to say about chapter 401 aka the chapter with javier coming to find lloyd in korea

clearly he feels very strongly about this scene too. it's the one he's been wanting to show the most, he must have analyzed it from every angle possible, must have put special care to get across what he wanted to convey with it.

so why does it feel like the last true chapter of the novel is meant to,,, undercut the feeling of it?? it almost feels as if the last chapter is telling us 'yeah yeah those two are extremely devoted to each other and would and have given their lives for one another and plan on growing old at each other's sides but don't worry :) it's nothing more than them being pals :) just two guys being really good friends :) see, lloyd is even getting married to a woman that's his real happy ending he's not gay or anything :)'

and this is not me saying that two friends cannot be devoted to each other. absolutely not of course friends can love each other platonically and that be more than enough to justify their devotion to one another.

but. it feels weird when the entire novel is dedicated to building up the relationship between lloyd and javier, taking so much time to make us really feel like their relationship is growing at a realistic pace, take almost 3/4 of the novel to even make them come to terms with how much they care for one another, spend actual years following their development,,, and then make lloyd just marry someone else. someone the novel really didn't spend enough time with to justify him developing feels for her.

this is not a diss against alicia i have nothing against her i just don't... buy that lloyd developed romantic feelings for her. much less that he acted on them that easily.

this is a man who took 222 chapters and several years in-universe to even accept that javier, the person he spent all day with, with whom he spoke almost every single day, who he had risked his life for and had been saved by several times at that point, was even his friend.

and now i'm expected to believe he's in love with someone else who, by comparison, he meets a couple of times and spends a little amount of time with.

well. i don't! it's not in character, it wasn't properly built up in the text and truthfully they don't have enough chemistry to make up for it.

i don't know what happened there. i don't know why bk moon decided to add a romance when the novel didn't need it. i don't know why he chose to make it happen between two characters that didn't have a relationship as deep as the one he spent the entire novel building up and promoting as the most important one. which may i add was between his two protagonists. y'know. the ones the novel is supposed to be centered around.

i don't know. i don't know what happened. i don't know if it was censorship, last minute panic, fear of opposition or rejection or actual obliviousness to what he had written looked like, i simply do not know.

i really hope it wasn't homophobia tho that would absolutely suck lmao

but uh. yeah. i do think the ending is very funny when you put it like that askhdsjkfds

[alsojnpie]

it's so annoying that your heart can get broken so hard that it never gets better. that shouldn't be allowed. i want to believe in healing so badly but when i look at myself closely i can see all the cracks. they never went away. i was so worried when i broke my wrist that it would never heal, or even worse that it would heal improperly and hurt forever. it's still a little sore but that didn't happen i don't think, since i can use it 90% of normal now without pain. so why did my heart heal back misshapen. why do i think everyone is going to reject me just because almost every person that i bonded deeply with has rejected me. is solace possible with a mind like this. even when love is offered to me it often feels like i just can't enjoy it. even when people say sorry i just can't staunch the bleeding. the most infuriating part of all this is that it's getting in the way of my feelings for papyrus. that is so annoying. i know all those feelings were real because i made them myself!! give back my favorite toy!!!!!!! you stupid knee jerk reaction to previous experiences!!!!!!!!

[lunathrix]

iirc a spiders legs uses blood pressure instead of muscles to move. so if hornet gets low blood pressure, she gets all floppy. this means that in order to function and stand, she has to constantly be in a state of high blood pressure, which means she can just have chronic anger

I looked it up and you do recall it (mostly) correctly, and its super cool! I didn't find anything about all spiders therefore being inflicted with constant anger but I do wholeheartedly believe that this is the case for Hornet. Which made me think of the following scenario:

[fly-sky-high-bug-games]

DAY 11: ESCAPE -- DAY 12 DAMAGE

Out of the fire, into the frying pan...

[nonuggetshere]

PK: "...Kid..."

PV: "What? I'm just pointing out the obvious."

PK: "You're being a little shit is what you are."

WL: "Well, they're not wrong–"

PK: "Don't enable this."

(ID start: A picture of The Pale King, The White Lady and the Pure Vessel from Hollow Knight as humans. They're all wearing matching golden roses, a pin for Pure Vessel, a hair clip for the Pale King and a corsage for the White Lady. The Pure Vessel has their hand at the head height of their father, laughing about his height with their mother, much to the displeasure of the king. End ID.)

They're making fun of the monochronic manlet

[dairyfreenugget]

(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)

Hey hey hey

May I interest you in

(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)

Teehee

[dreamlogic]

musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"

[thefrogdalorian]

Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!

It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!

I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.

Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!

[mossyflowers]

Wanted to redo a pretty old human hornet design, so :]c

[skunkes]

guess who was not in the right emotional state to finish watching lars and the real girl

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

[huccimermaidshirts]

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[acheronidae]

It's gonna be a fuckin while before I have any art or writting that's publishable, but if I don't share this AU sooner or later I will explode, so we're going to avoid that for now.

Lunar Eclipse AU

My answer to the question "what if the dream and nightmare realms never split?" which isn't entirely accurate because they still do split eventually, just way after we can safely assume they did in canon, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

(I'm putting the rest under the cut for your convenience)

So, does the dream and nightmare realms staying together longer mean that Grimm and the Radiance had a more functional relationship as siblings? Funny you should ask that, because hahaha, absolutely not!

The Radiance is incredibly abusive towards Grimm, treating him as a tool rather than as his own god with his own life. This backfires horribly, because her practically raising him surrounded on all sides by lies and manipulation only made him really good at lying and manipulating. That was the only reason he managed to create the troupe without drawing her suspicion that maybe the group of "puppets" he has aren't under as much strict control as she thinks they are("worship? meaningful connection? no, that's ridiculous"/s)

The main story of the AU revolves around Grimm's interactions with the Pale King. The Radiance orders Grimm to kill him and at first he's up for it, viewing it as an opportunity to prove his loyalty and to avoid getting on her bad side should be succeed. His plan is to earn the King's trust, get him alone, and then strike; his plan is to make him suffer all while stirring up trouble behind the scenes to secure her worship and drive the wyrm to desperation.

But...as he's spending time with the wyrm, he starts getting this odd feeling in his chest and throat. When his soon-to-be victim first drops the formalities and speaks to him as an equal, when he thanks Grimm for rescuing him from a (staged) assassination attempt, and when he kisses him on the cheek and Grimm reacts just how you might expect. He's able to explain these moments away to his sister by telling her he was acting as though he felt genuine connection and that he couldn't possibly be dumb enough to fall in love with the man he was told to kill...right?

And when the moment finally arrives, when the two of them are alone together and the wyrm has made himself more vulnerable than he ever had been before...

...Grimm hesitates.