#i fear it might be tho oops

[set-phasers-to-whump]

reflection

prompt: "just a little more"

whumpee: lech wicinski

fandom: slough house

hiii everyone this is a missing scene from joe country ft. my beloved lech. it's basically an exploration of what happens in the bathroom and after, and bc of that it's pretty graphic self-harm adjacent kinda stuff and also includes brief suicidal ideation. please be mindful of that, but otherwise i hope you enjoy :)

Lech stares at his reflection in the pitted and green surface of the mirror. Stares at the letters carved into his cheeks, as though they’ll have changed somehow since he last got a glimpse of them. 

They burn, each letter individually, the painkillers Catherine had given him earlier having all but worn off already. It fucking hurts. 

And there’s nothing for it but to make the pain worse. 

Lamb’s razor in hand, he tries and fails to take a deep, steadying breath. It’s like shaving, he tells himself. 

Except it’s really fucking not. 

The blade is incredibly sharp, cutting into his flesh easily and with no resistance. The pain isn’t immediate, but lags behind the action by a few seconds. Then it begins, burning and hot, as fresh blood trickles down his face. 

He doesn’t want to do it again. It hurts. 

But there is nothing in the way of an alternative. 

He keeps going, cutting over the letters that already stand out against his skin. His face quickly becomes a mask of blood, his hands and the handle of the blade grow slick with it, it stains the sink and drips onto the floor. 

He moves mechanically, not paying attention to the pain. Just a little more, he tells himself, every few seconds, every few cuts. Just a little more, and the word will be obliterated. 

Except it’s still fucking there. He keeps hoping that with the next slice of blade across skin, the word will disappear, buried forever beneath tens of other marks. But he keeps catching sight of those letters. 

It takes an eternity. By the time he’s really sure that all traces of the original lettering on his face have been destroyed, he can barely even see the cuts for the blood. 

He drops the blade into the sink and the noise is deafening. 

Lech braces trembling hands against the porcelain, rests his forehead—the only part of his face not coated in warm blood—against the mirror, and cries. 

The tears burn their way down his face, making the pain, already nearly unbearable now that he has stopped doing anything, unspeakably worse. For a fraction of a second he thinks again about picking up the razor and ending it all, right then and there, but he doesn’t so much as move. 

He’s done this. He won’t let it be for nothing. 

He pushes back from the mirror. The sight of his face is shocking. He barely recognizes this man as himself. Bitterly wonders what Sara would say, if she saw him now. Imagines comfort, an apology, it’s going to be okay. Then thinks of her voice, bitter and vindictive, it’s what you deserve. 

He washes his hands. They’re still shaking. 

Washing his face is harder. He doesn’t entirely trust the towel hanging on the wall, and so he sort of sticks his head under the faucet, cups water into his hands, prays that the plumbing is reasonably looked-after, and carefully washes away the blood. 

Which fucking hurts, just like everything else. The water runs red for ages, and Lech vaguely wonders whether it’s possible to bleed out through one’s face. But finally, the bleeding slows and seems to stop. 

He straightens back up. The face in the mirror is relatively clean, littered with angry red cuts. He can’t decide whether it looks more or less like his own than it had before. 

Lech looks away from his reflection. Rummages in the cabinet beneath the sink and finds a reasonably well-maintained first-aid kit (thanks, once again, he’s sure, to Catherine). He locates a tube of antibiotic ointment and more large plasters, as well as a small packet of painkillers. 

He swallows the pills, then washes his hands once more before applying the ointment. It stings and burns and he blinks away tears, tips his head back to give them nowhere to go. 

He affixes the plasters to either side of his face, then levels his gaze with the mirror. 

The man looking back at him is pale and miserable. His eyes are rimmed with red and filled with a mixture of exhaustion and pain. His skin is the wrong shade, as if he’s ill. There are unidentified bits of rubbish in his hair and on his clothes. But the cuts have disappeared beneath the bandages, and Lech recognizes himself, a bit. 

He rinses off the razor, snaps it shut, and then makes his way to Lamb’s office. 

He drops the razor onto the desk, and Lamb looks up at him and nods, the barest acknowledgement of the damage he must know Lech has inflicted upon himself. 

Lech turns to leave, though there’s really nowhere for him to go, but is stopped by the sound of a door opening behind him. 

“Lech?”

Catherine’s voice is gentle, and he thinks of earlier. Of when she’d sat over him, cleaning blood off his face. Of her insistence that he get the cuts seen to, of her concern for his ability to live like that. Of the silent handing over of painkillers, loose in her hand, the maximum safe dosage. 

He turns around, slightly. 

“Have you thought about going to the hospital any more?”

He shakes his head. He probably could go, now, and no one would know what word had been spelled out across his skin a few hours ago. But the nagging fear remains, that someone, somehow, will be able to tell. Plus, he lacks the energy. He thinks he might lie down right here on the floor of Lamb’s office, if he wasn’t reasonably certain that Lamb would kick him, again. 

Catherine frowns. “Come in here?” she asks, gesturing to her own office. 

Lech follows, for lack of anything better to do. Catherine pulls the door shut behind him, then gestures to a chair. 

He sits, and she sits down behind the desk. He can feel her eyes on him and does his best not to return her gaze. 

“What did you do?” she asks. 

He shrugs. “What I had to.”

He chances a look at her face, and knows she knows what he’s done. 

Her expression is concerned and perhaps a bit pitying, but not disgusted. 

“Do you have anywhere you can go?” she asks. “You must be wanting a shower and some sleep.”

He wants nothing more. But—

He shakes his head. There’s nowhere. 

Catherine nods, as if she’d been expecting this. Businesslike, she stands up, gathers her things. 

“Come on, then,” she offers. “I’ll take you to a hotel.”

Her voice is soft and kind but there’s a note of authority behind this that makes Lech think that he had better not say no. Besides, if he refuses, he’ll be sleeping at Slough House once again. The thought of this is enough to make him want to weep. 

They end up at a mid-range hotel not altogether far from Aldersgate Street. Lech stands behind Catherine, eyes fixed on the floor, while she negotiates with the man behind the desk. He can feel people staring at him. He supposes, like Lamb had told him, that he’s going to have to get used to it. 

A few moments later, he’s in a small room on the third floor, and Catherine is standing in the doorway. 

“I’ll see whether I can’t fetch some of your clothes and things,” she offers. “And I’ll come round after work.”

He’s too exhausted to protest this kindness, to question how she plans on getting his things when she doesn’t even know where he lives. He just nods. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly, as she turns to leave. 

She says nothing, just gives him a kind of sad smile, and then shuts the door. 

Alone, Lech strips off his filthy clothes, turns the shower as hot as he can stand it and then a little more, and stays beneath the water until it runs cold. 

After, he has to replace the plasters—Catherine had given him a whole stack. He avoids looking in the mirror as he does so, only meeting his own eyes when the cuts have been once again hidden away. 

Lacking any clean clothes, he wraps himself in the complimentary robe, then staggers towards the desk, where a phone and small menu sit, waiting. 

The hunger has intensified, combined with the alcohol and painkillers, and twisted itself into nausea. He orders room service without letting himself think about how much it costs. While he waits, he forces himself not to so much as sit down, out of fear that he’ll immediately fall asleep. 

When the food comes, he eats it so quickly he barely tastes it at all. It’s not quite enough to fully get rid of the hunger, but it helps. 

After, at long last, Lech collapses into a real bed, and immediately falls asleep.

thanks for reading! i've been wanting to write this for a hot minute and was looking at today's prompts like 'wait a minute i can make this work' lol. i had a good time with it, hope you enjoyed!

[givemeuniversalcrossovers]

HEYYYYY!!!!!!

VEEVEE SPOTTED!!!!

Next

:3

This took FOREVER to finish, I might not put some much detail into the next one… How you guys appreciate how much work it put into it xD

As promised, the comic has done a small time skip from October to December (current IRL time). Iris is 5 months old here, but she is about the age of a 9 year old human in Mew years.

[starlost-mochi-x]

General fluff headcanons with skz

(If not all then just with Chan and Hyunjin!!) ♥️

hihi sweet anon i'm sorry this took so astronomically long ... it's here now tho oops . i got hit with writer's block and lost motivation sigh ... hyunjin version is dropping later tonight, and i might continue the headcanon series if people request for the other members :] we'll see tho <3

bang chan - skz fluff headcanons

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: chan headcanons

genre: fluff, idol! au, comfort, general fluff headcanons, chan is just a silly lil thing

a/n: i hate writer's block . divider from @aewinse

masterlist

...

first of all

lots of physical affection

like, lots

anywhere he can get you, anywhere he can find you, he's coiling his arms around your waist or around your shoulders, leaning over your shoulder to nosily look at whatever it is you're doing

sometimes, if he wants attention, and is in a whiny mood, he'll drape himself over you and let his weight sag onto your body from behind

which usually results in a panicked squeal from you, a chuckle from chan, and therefore the two of you sprawled in a heap on the floor

from there, you're not getting up

say goodbye to whatever it was you were doing because chan will happily lie on top of you for as long as he pleases

unless you urgently need to get up, like to turn off the stove or go to the bathroom, chan will keep you in his arms for a very long time

the fact that your legs go numb after a while because of his weight is also an advantage in chan's eyes

he can literally just lift you up and place you on the bed or the couch to cuddle with him like a little plush toy

albeit a very whiny one

when he's feeling a little more playful, and in need of your affection, he'll come up behind you and suddenly throw you over his shoulder

the world goes upside down and before you know it, you're cozied up with a giggly chan

he loves taking naps with you fr

we all know this man does not sleep like at all but somehow having you near him helps a lot

he always finds that your warmth makes him feel relaxed and cozy, and he doesn't have to worry about what comes next because it's just you and him, right now

even if he doesn't manage to get to sleep, he's content with just peacefully watching you sleep, and likes to stroke your hair or talk to you softly

even though you can't hear him

chan also loves to cook for you !!

he's always bugging minho to teach him new recipes so he can cook really good food for you

eventually minho just sends him a list of recipe blogs and websites and you usually come home to something hot on the stove

chan's super busy, so on the days he can't be there to cook for you, he'll prepare food beforehand and freeze several containers so you don't have to cook

he gets to take care of you, and you get to eat well

win win

you always save half the portion of your food so that when chan comes home, he can eat quickly before slipping into bed next to your sleeping figure

he doesn't like it much when you do that, since he wants you to eat well without having to worry about him

you do it anyway, knowing that chan often doesn't have the energy or time to make food for himself after a tiring day at the company

also !!

he likes inviting you to his solo studio sessions, usually late at night or during his free time at the company

sits you on his lap without fear because he always locks the door beforehand

"can't have the kids walking in on us,"

or so he says

he just wants you all to himself

you trace the veins on his hands and forearms while he mixes beats and adds elements to his tracks

hums softly into your ear while you lay your head against his chest

and when you get tired, he'll lift you carefully and place you on the studio couch, draping his thick, cologne-scented leather jacket over you

also i just know he smells so good okay

like

i'm thinking like spicy, smoky sort of scent

but not like bushfire smoky or whatever

like a soft, subtle, masculine smell

more woodsy and leather-like

ughhh

he always pulls up these fragrance websites on his phone, maybe from fendi or another fashion house

he'll let you sit on his lap and choose whichever you think will suit him best

and he always buys the ones you choose, wearing your three favourites on alternate weeks so you have an excuse to be close to him

you just want to smell him

don't tell him that though kekeke

chan also loves buying you stuff though you always tell him not to

on your bad days especially, when you get home, there'll be a little care package on the bed in a pretty box tied with a ribbon

he always puts your favourite snacks, sweets, skincare products, and little gifts inside because he knows it makes you feel so much better

also always adds two facemasks so you can both do them when chan comes home

obviously you get first pick tho

chan also likes buying you little things from tour that remind you of him, or things that match the vibe of the songs they performed

when he came back from the maniac tour it was an oversized hoodie with green and purple accents, just like the theme of maniac

when he travelled to seoul for the five-star tour, he came back with a pair of black leather combat boots

and they had these little silver stars studded all over the sides, and thick silver zips

you wear both items as often as you can, trying to incorporate chan's little gifts into your everyday life

you feel bad sometimes because he keeps buying you stuff and you don't want to be a bother, but chan firmly insists on it

"baby, you're never a bother,"

please step on me ugh

aHem

moving on

in return, you always take chan's insta posts and some of his bubble pics too

he always lets you choose which ones he should post, though over time they get less and less thirty bc chan is yours and not stay's

as much as you and chan love the fans, there are some select photos you would much rather keep to yourself

it's more special that way in your opinion

chan likes to take pretty photos of you too

you get like really shy though, and chan can't have that

so he just sits you opposite him, takes your wrists in one hand, and snaps a shit ton of photos of you with the other

there's no way to get out of it

he keeps all his photos of you in a special folder on his phone, and his favourites pictures of you in a locked, password-protected folder

like your anniversary pictures, and other special memories he doesn't want other people to see

the kids nag him to show them the photos but chan never relents, wanting to keep those special memories private

your camera roll is much the same

you're also the number one supplier of bang chan blackmail material

the boys, especially minho and felix, always come to you for blackmail material and stupid photos of chan that he hates

you think they're cute but chan violently disagrees

anyways

chan honestly doesn't mind you having his less-than-favourite photos on your phone

as long as you're happy <3

a/n: reblogs and comments appreciated

[cocoreallylovesraiden]

How MK1 characters sleep with their S/O (liu kang, bi han, kung lao, raiden, shang tsung)

This is very casual and nonsensical but pointless useless headcanons give me life sorry; I might do this for other characters but idk which oops

Liu Kang

- I am in-between the idea of him needing sleep at all (being a god and all), but either way I think he would be in bed with them to spend time together.

- Mattress hard like a rock, so you’d be better off laying on top of him for any kind of soft squishy comfort.

- Likes the physical pressure on being laid on, would secure you in place with a hand on the small of your back, or cradling you closer if you lay your head in his chest.

- During the summer months he would be too hot to comfortably lay on, so either he just longingly stares at you back (rip) or holds your hand in the middle of the bed.

- Wakes up/ gets out of bed at the asscrack of dawn and folds the spare blanket next to you so its like he’s still there… and then becomes annoyed that you’d rather cuddle the blanket than wake up and see him.

- Laughs at you when you want to buy more western soft pillows or fluffy blankets, but he gets them anyways and then now HE can’t sleep bc it’s weirdly soft.

- Will read as you sleep in his arms, and has resorted to using your unconscious elbows to flip the page bc his hands are being held hostage.

- Likes to watch you as you sleep and tries not to smile when you twitch from a dream, even when you drool onto the pillows; is content to do so until sunrise.

- Sometimes tho in the middle of the night when you roll over you just see two military grade flashlight beacons glowing in the dark staring at you like an eldritch monster.

- “Hello, dearest 😊.”

- He says, like you didn’t almost piss the bed in fear.

Bi Han

- Has a meticulous string of tasks and duties he must fulfil before he can even think of getting into bed, and he still manages to be under the covers same time every night.

- Becomes VERY cranky if you are not in bed with him within 15 minutes and when you eventually settle into bed, his back is turned towards you and he huffs like a dramatic housewife.

- Self-assigned big spoon (non-negotiable) and loves resting his face in the crook of your neck, his favourite way to rest after a long day. He isn’t the best with words (in terms of emotional vulnerability) and uses little actions to let you know how he feels.

- His hair gets EVERYWHERE. It’s in his mouth. It’s in YOUR mouth. If you have long hair, have fun waking up 20 minutes earlier to sleepily untangle your newfound spiderweb of human hair.

- Doesn’t toss and turn and is a very light sleeper- it’s required of his job. At the smallest sound his eyes are open, and he cannot rest until he’s gone and checked the locks and such.

- You know when Asian dads wake up at 4am and just go hack and cough in the bathroom yeah that’s him… that’s how YOU wake up.

- You both look like hot fucking garbage in the morning it constantly looks you both are two struggling new parents who had a metaphorical baby keeping them up all night.

- Debates smothering you with a pillow if you snore and keep him up before a busy day.

Kung Lao

- I hope you’re a heavy sleeper.

- His snoring sounds like sails ripping, it’s so loud he scares himself awake sometimes.

- “BABE WHAT WAS THAT?”

- You girl….

- Doesn’t matter what season it is, what temperate, you two are always still too hot and on the verge of breaking into sweat, even after you’re dressed down to just underwear.

- Maybe you fall asleep a safe distance away from him, but halfway through the night its like looking an abstract painting of human limbs, his foot is on your stomach and your face is smashed against his knees. Chiropractors are scared of you two.

- You both complain about how annoying the other person is to sleep next to, but can’t sleep alone at night- the bed feels too big or too cold.

- It’s like when you wake up from a nap not knowing what country you’re in, drenched in sweat and covered in those red lines but every morning.

- Talks in his sleep and you have several videos in your camera roll having incoherent conversations with sleepy Lao.

- “Hey baby… Are you asleep?” “Not now babe imgndh tm running for presdidentnt”

- Yeah king you do that!

- He SWEARS that he’s a big spoon but likes being the little tiny eeny weeny teaspoon looks at you with the ugly goo goo gaga eyes until you relent and wrap your arms around his waist.

Raiden

- I don’t care unless it’s past a certain time in your relationship he will sleep on the couch or DIE

- He is traditional to an almost irritating extent YOU WILL NOT DIE IF YOU SEE MY UPPER THIGH OH MY GOD

- But let me tell you once y’all do share a sleeping space its over for you… He uses that farmer strength to squeeze the life out of you. Like Kung Lao where you fall asleep laying next to him and wake up in the alligator death roll fighting to breathe.

- Death by beefy man arms sounds great until you need to pee and have to scrap at 6am against an unconscious man (he is winning).

- Likes it when you nuzzle under his chin, but when he’s really tired, he really just wants to lay on your chest and have you smooth his hair.

- Feels a certain need to be the Bigger Strong Man but secretly wants to be cuddled and babied a little, just doesn’t want to ask for it.

- Doesn’t matter because however you sleep, you’re waking up to that child-holding-their-favourite-teddy-bear GRIP.

- Likes to chat about both your days before falling asleep, and will verbally ask like “are you asleep?” And then stop moving, breathing, thinking because he’s scared to wake you up. You have to smack his face half-awake like RAIDEN YOU CAN BREATHE before he relaxes.

Shang Tsung

- Idgaf if he’s a man and if you’re a woman, he is the girlfriend.

- Wants you to kiss the top of his head and stroke his hair, you can feel his ugly ass smug smile against your skin the entire time.

- Even if he does love you, I can see him being unable to sleep with his back turned to you; he has to be acutely away of what you’re doing (sleeping. Your tired ass is sleeping.)

- Unless of course he’s being the little spoon. Rolling eyes emoji.

- Another very light sleeper, but when he’s deep in sleep he has reoccurring night terrors, and maybe even sleep paralysis, so he clutches you tightly like he’s scared you’ll up and leave him.

- When he wakes up he’s probably frozen, so he grounds himself by listening to your heartbeat or readjusting your hold so it’s tighter and more compressing.

- Doesn’t matter if it’s a big ass bed or stack of pelts on the forest floor, you are not allowed to move a SINGLE INCH away from him. You two occupy 25% of this bed’s real estate.

- If he wakes up first, he is slipping out without a word. If you wake up first and god forbid, try to let him go, his eyes are snapping open and looking at you so judgementally.

- Throws your boots at you if you oversleep like. Wake up you Lug. We have things to do.

- Looks amazing the moment he wakes up and makes fun of you for having bed hair and overall being uglier than he is.

- Pokes your cheek and makes your head loll about if he wakes up first and chuckles at how cute he finds it, catches himself being mushy, then pinches your nose so you wake up.

[citysuk]

echoes of us | anakin skywalker

pairing: anakin skywalker x fem!reader

summary: anakin has spent the last four years away from you, consumed by his duties as a jedi, trying to move past the pain of your departure. although seeing you again wasn't something that he was expecting, the reunion leads to a tense confrontation, where anakin's deep-seated feelings clash with his lover's sense of duty, highlighting the tragic consequences of their forbidden relationship.

words: 7,1k words (oops)

warnings: please, you already know me so ANGST. kinda manipulative anakin¿ only a little bit. stubborn reader for the sake of the plot, i'm sorry (i'm not). a little bit of spicy hehehhe. no smut tho. no use of y/n but no oc neither. no proofread. i won't say a word about the finale so read to know what happens at the end 😤

notes: i just- (SATURATED SCREAMS). i'm on a star wars binge and i just couldn't help myself, i needed to write this. all i want in life is someone to love me like anakin loves her.

It's been four long years since you left, and Anakin Skywalker has tried to move on with his life. He throws himself into his duties as a Jedi, taking on more missions and responsibilities. He pushes himself to his limits and beyond, trying to forget about the pain of losing you. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to shake the memories. You're always there, lurking in the back of his mind, a constant reminder of what he lost. His heart still aches for you, and he still feels a sense of emptiness inside him.

As the years have passed, he has become more stoic, more reserved. He barely smiles anymore, and his laugh is rare. His fellow Jedi see these changes in him and wonder what has happened to make him so serious and cold. But Anakin keeps his emotions buried deep inside, never letting them surface, never letting anyone see the pain he's feeling. He's become a shadow of his former self, the bright-eyed and carefree Padawan replaced by a hardened and withdrawn Jedi Knight.

As the Clone Wars rage on, Anakin throws himself into battle, fighting with a ferocity and intensity that borders on feral. He's become a skilled and feared warrior, known for his bravery and skill, but also for his ruthless efficiency and lack of mercy towards his enemies. Even his fellow Jedi, the ones who are closest to him, cannot penetrate the shell he’s built around himself. He hides his emotions so well that it’s as if they don’t exist anymore, and no one suspects the depth of the pain he’s carrying inside him. He still feels your loss like a physical wound, and he fears that it will never heal. But he cannot let himself think of it, cannot allow himself to dwell on the past. He has a duty to the Jedi Order and the Republic, and longing can distract him from that.

So he goes through the motions of being a Jedi, fighting in the war, protecting the innocent, and doing his best to serve the greater good. But deep down, he knows that he'll never be truly happy again, that he'll carry his pain to the grave.

There are times, when he’s alone in the darkness of night, that he lets his guard down, that is when he allows his emotions to surface. And in those moments, he allows himself to think of you, to remember the happy times you had together, to ache for what might have been. But then, as the night ends and the morning comes, he pushes those thoughts away, locking them back up inside him, and he goes back to being the stoic and reserved Jedi Knight that everyone expects him to be.

And the cycle of pain and loneliness continues day after day, year after year. He keeps on living, fighting, and serving, but deep down, he knows that a part of him will always be empty, the part that you took when you left.

He wonders sometimes if you ever think of him and if you ever reflect on your time together with the same sense of melancholy and regret that he does. But he doesn’t allow himself to hope for that. It’s better to just keep pushing forward, to keep fighting the war and doing his duty.

That's until he hears the news that your father is coming to visit the Order. His heart skips a beat it's the first thing that he feels. He knows that since you went back to your planet your father never travels without you by his side, and this won't be the exception. His mind reels at the possibility of seeing you again. It’s been four years since you left to help your father in his political arrangements. Four long and lonely years. The thought of being in your presence again, even for a brief moment, fills him with a mix of emotions. Anticipation and dread, hope and fear.

He tries to keep his emotions in check, not wanting to get his hopes up too high. The idea of seeing you again after all this time is too good to be true. Besides, he knows that there is a small chance that you will not come to the temple, but he decides to embrace the possibility of at least seeing you.

When the masters of the Order confirmed that you would arrive with your father, he couldn't help but feel a rush of adrenaline running through his whole body. There's gotta be some sort of catch in this whole situation. But the more he thinks about it, the more he wants it and needs it.

As the day of your arrival approaches, he can't help but feel anxious. He doesn't know what to expect, how he'll react when he sees you. Will he be able to keep his emotions in check? Or will they surface in a wave of longing and regret? He tries to prepare himself, to steel himself for the moment. He tells himself it's just a visit, that it doesn't mean anything. But deep down, he knows that's not true. He's been waiting for this moment for years, and he can't deny the excitement and anticipation that's building inside him.

When the day finally arrives, he waits anxiously in the Temple, trying to remain calm. But his heart is racing, his palms are sweaty, and he can barely keep still. He's acutely aware of every passing moment, every second that brings him closer to seeing you again. His fellow Jedi notice his change in demeanor. He's usually so stoic and collected, but now he's jittery and restless, out of character for him. They wonder what could be causing this change, and they eye him with curious and sometimes amused glances. But Anakin ignores them, his thoughts solely focused on the moment ahead. He rehearses different scenarios in his head, trying to figure out how he’ll act when he sees you. But no matter how he imagines it, he can’t quite predict what will happen. The thought of facing you again after so long both thrills and terrifies him.

And then, finally, the moment arrives. He sees you walking through the Temple, in the company of your father and a few other dignitaries. The sight of you takes his breath away. You’ve grown, your features more mature and defined. But the sight of you holding the hand of another young politician he heard being called Kenth Cardas it's what makes him feel sick to the stomach. His heart clenches as he watches you, a sudden realization hitting him like a knife to the heart. You’re with someone else. Another man. And the pain that washes over him is sharper and more intense than any pain he’s ever felt before.

It takes all his willpower to keep his composure, to keep the expression of his face neutral. But inside, he’s seething with jealousy and hurt. He had been hoping, even expecting, for you to be single.

The thought of another man’s hands on you, another man’s eyes taking in your beauty, it’s almost too much for him to bear. He watches as you, your father, and your companion make your way through the Temple, greeting the Jedi and discussing diplomatic matters. Every step you take, every word you utter, it feels like the knife is being twisted in his heart. He wants to walk up to you, to pull you away from the other man and take you for himself. But he knows that’s not an option. You’re not his. You never were.

The scene is too abhorrent for him, he cannot bear another second of seeing you with another man that isn't him. With a lump in his throat and tears of frustration pricking at his eyes, Anakin turns and strides away from the scene, the sound of your laugh following him as he goes. He can’t stay there, can’t watch you pretending to be happy with someone else. It’s too painful, too agonizing. He needs to get away, to be alone, and try to process the torrent of emotions that threatens to overwhelm him. He heads to one of the quieter parts of the Temple, a place where he can be alone and try to get his emotions under control. He leans against the cold stone wall, his hands clenching into fists. He tries to push the image of you with another man out of his mind, but it’s burned into his memory, seared into his eyeballs. He’s never felt this level of jealousy and hurt before, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He feels like he’s unraveling like everything he’s worked to keep under control is suddenly slipping through his fingers. He punches the wall in impotent rage, the pain in his knuckles a welcome distraction from the pain in his heart. He wants to scream, to shout, to let out all the emotions that are boiling inside him. He stays still there for a few minutes which seems like hours, until he feels a presence behind him.

He turns, his heart racing as he senses who it is. And sure enough, there you are, standing a few feet away from him, looking at him with a mixture of concern and uncertainty. An uncomfortable silence settles between them as they stare at each other. The air is thick with emotion and tension, and Anakin feels his heart thudding in his chest. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to react.

He studies you as you stand there, his eyes roving over your face, taking in every detail. You’re even more beautiful than he remembers, but there’s a sense of sadness and resignation in your eyes that he doesn’t quite understand. He wants to say something, to break the silence that hangs between you like a thick fog. But the words stick in his throat, and he can’t force them out. Instead, he just stands there, staring at you like an idiot.

Taking a deep breath, you break the silence, your voice soft and hesitant. “Ani... Can I talk to you? For a moment.”

Anakin nods, barely able to speak. His heart is racing, his mind spinning. He can’t believe you’re really standing here in front of him, that he’s actually talking to you again after all this time. “Of course,” he manages to say, his voice rough and raspy.

You take another step closer, the distance between you feeling like an eternity. You look up at him, your eyes searching his face as if you’re looking for something. “It’s been a long time, you've grown,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

He nods again, feeling a lump in his throat. He wants to tell you how much he’s missed you, how many nights he’s spent thinking of you, yearning for you. But the words won’t come. He’s scared, scared to show you the depth of his feelings, scared that you’ll reject him. “Yeah, it has,” he manages to reply, his voice flat and emotionless.

You notice his tone, the way he’s putting up his walls, trying to keep his emotions in check. You know him too well, you can sense how he was feeling, the storm of emotions raging inside him. But you also know how stubborn he can be, how he’s willing to suffer in silence rather than admit his true feelings. You take another step closer, closing the distance between you even further. You reach out to touch his arm, your hand tentative and gentle, like you’re handling a wild animal. He freezes at your touch, his breath catching in his throat. He can feel the heat of your hand through the fabric of his sleeve, the warmth of your touch seeping into his skin. He wants to reach out and pull you to him, bury his face in your hair, and breathe in your scent. But he stands still, frozen in the moment, unable to move. You can feel his tension, the way his body is coiled tight like a spring. But you can also see the flicker of emotions in his eyes, the way his walls are crumbling as he stares at you. You know that underneath the hard exterior, there’s a part of him that’s aching to be let out, yearning for affection and connection.

You move closer still, your hand still gently resting on his arm. You’re so close now that he can feel your breath on his skin, the warmth of your body almost touching his. He shivers involuntarily, overwhelmed by your proximity. He wants to pull you to him, to hold you tight, and never let you go. He looks down at you, his eyes roving over your face, taking in every detail. He notices the flecks of gold in your eyes, the slight blush on your cheeks, the curve of your lips. It’s all he can do to keep his composure, to keep his emotions in check. But seeing you this close to him, feeling your touch on his skin, it’s like a dam breaking inside him. He takes a shuddering breath, trying to steady himself. He wants to tell you how much he’s missed you, how much he’s still in love with you, and how much he’s been hurting since you left. But the words won’t come, stuck in his throat like they’re glued there.

He’s torn between the conflicting desires to push you away and to pull you closer. Part of him wants to protect himself from further hurt, but a greater part of him is desperate to have you close, to feel your touch, and to hear your voice. He stands there, caught in an agony of indecision, his heart and his mind warring with each other. He wants to do the right thing, the sensible thing. But when it comes to you, he’s never been able to do what’s smart or pragmatic. He’s always been guided by his emotions, and right now, his emotions are screaming at him to take what he wants, consequences be damned. He can feel his resolve weakening, the walls he’s built around his heart crumbling. He’s always been a man of action, but right now, he doesn't know what to do.

You look up at him, your heart racing in your chest. You can sense the turmoil inside him, the storm of emotions raging in his eyes. You know that he’s struggling to keep his composure, but you also know how much he’s hurting. You take a deep breath, summoning up the courage to say what you need to say. “Ani, I didn’t forget the time we spent together, the promises we made.”

His eyes widen at your words, his heart skipping a beat. He hadn’t expected you to say that, to admit that you’ve been thinking of him all this time. He feels a surge of hope and longing rise in his chest, his breath catching in his throat. You pressed on, your voice was soft but firm. “The friendship we maintained for so many years will always be marked in my mind, no matter where I am.”

He feels his heart skip a beat at your words. It’s what he’s wanted to hear for so long, the confirmation that you still think of him, that there’s still a chance for them.

He stands there, frozen in the moment, caught between the desire to pull you to him and the fear that if he does, it will only end in heartbreak. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to react. He feels like he’s in a dream like this isn’t happening.

He looks down at you, his eyes roving over your face. He sees the honesty and vulnerability you’re showing him. He wants to believe you, he wants to let himself hope. But he can’t shake the feeling that this is just a cruel trick, the vision of you holding that man's hand it's something that he can't shake off his head. He feels that he’s going to wake up any minute and find himself alone again.

He starts to pull away, his walls going up again. “I don’t believe you,” he says, his voice cold and distant.

Your eyes widen at his words, your heart sinking at the tone of his voice. You had expected some resistance, but you didn’t expect him to deny your feelings outright. "What I'm saying it's truthful, I never stopped thinking about you"

He shakes his head, his eyes hard and cold. He wants to push you away, to protect himself from the pain. “I don’t want to hear it,” he says gruffly. “It’s too late, it’s been four years. You made your choice when I asked you to stay but you left.”

You blink back tears at his words, the hurt and anger in his voice like a knife to your gut. You had hoped that he would understand, that he would see how much you still cared for him. “You know that what we were feeling exceeded friendliness and was wrong, the attachments are prohibited. This was for something bigger than you and me both,” you say, looking at him almost guilty.

He scoffs at your words, his anger rising. “Don’t talk to me about attachments. I know the Code, I know about the stupid rules. But don’t tell me that what we had meant anything to you since you come here now holding another man's hand.” Anakin is seething with jealousy now, his hands clenching into fists. The thought of you with another man, another man touching you and holding you, it’s more than he can bear. He wants to grab you and shake you, to make you understand how much the sight of you with someone else hurts him.

He takes a step closer, looming over you. He’s taller and stronger than you, and he towers above you, his presence intimidating. “Tell me the truth,” he growls. “Did you ever really love me, or was it all just a lie?”

Your heart is racing in your chest as he looms over you, his eyes flashing with anger and hurt. You can feel the tension in the air, the danger and volatility of the situation. “Of course I loved you,” you say, your voice shaking just a little. “I loved you with all my heart, and I still do.”

He sneers at your words, his face twisting into a cruel smile. He doesn’t believe you, doesn’t want to believe you. It’s easier to think that you’re lying, that you never really loved him at all. “Prove it,” he snaps. “Prove that you love me.”

You’re taken aback by his challenge, his demand. You didn’t expect him to ask you to prove your feelings, to put them to the test. “What… what do you mean, prove it?” you ask, your voice small and uncertain.

He takes another step closer, his body almost touching yours. He’s so close that you can feel the heat of his skin, the tension radiating off him in waves. “Kiss me,” he says, his voice low and dangerous. “Kiss me like you mean it. Show me that you’re not just playing with me.”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the intensity of his gaze, and the heat of his body. You’re nervous and hesitant, but you also feel a pang of longing and desire. You want to prove to him that your feelings are real, that you’re not just toying with him. You can feel his breath on your lips, the heat of his mouth just inches away from yours. "I'm engaged." You blurt out.

His face darkens at your words, the mention of your engagement like a slap in the face. He feels a surge of irrational jealousy and anger, the idea of you marrying someone else infuriating him. “So what?” he snaps. “You’re engaged to someone else, but you’re still here, standing here in front of me, telling me that you love me. Kiss me. You said you still love me. Prove it.”

You're taken aback by his insistence, his refusal to listen to reason. "It's not that simple, Ani," you say, trying to maintain your composure. "I'm with another person now, and it wouldn't be right to-"

He cuts you off, grabbing you by the wrists and pulling you to him so that your bodies are pressed together. He’s breathing heavily, his chest heaving with emotion. He’s on the edge, barely holding it together. He can feel the warmth of your body pressed against his, the scent of your skin, the beat of your heart. “Damn the rules, damn the Code,” he says, his voice low and dangerous. “I want to feel your lips on mine. I want to taste you, I want to hold you. I don’t care about anything else.”

You can see the desperation in his eyes, the hunger and need. You’re torn, part of you wants to give in to his demand, to give yourself over to the passion and desire that always existed between you. But another part of you is wary, knowing that this is dangerous, that indulging in this could lead to nothing but pain and heartache. "Ani, stop," you say, your voice gentle but firm. "We can't do this. We can't let ourselves go down this path."

He scoffs at your words, his grip on your wrists tightening. He can’t believe you’re still resisting him, still holding back when you’ve already admitted that you still love him. “Why not?” he asks, his voice a low growl. “What’s stopping us? You said you love me. You can’t deny that you want this. I can see it in your eyes.”

You feel your resolve weakening, the heat of his body and the intensity of his gaze making it hard to think straight. "I can't do this to Kenth," you say, trying to hold onto your reasoning. "I can't just throw away what I have with him. I can't hurt him like that. He's a good man."

He scoffs again, his jealousy flaring at the mention of your fiancé. To him, he's nothing more than a rival, a hindrance to what he wants. "A good man," he sneers. "What does he have that I don’t? What can he give you that I can’t?"

You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of his question. You know that your fiancé is a good person, kind and respectful, but you also know that he’s not the same as Ani. There’s something about your history with Anakin, something about the passion and intensity of your connection, that’s unique and special. “It’s not about what he has or what he can give me,” you say, your voice quiet but firm. "It's about the future and following the rules for the sake of everyone."

He feels a pang of jealousy and bitterness at your words, the idea of you building a life with someone else it's like his biggest nightmare turning into reality.

“You’re mine,” he says through clenched teeth. “You will always be mine. I don’t care about your fiancé, your future, or anything else. I only care about you. So stop thinking about what you should do, and what you shouldn’t do, and just feel. For once in your life, just let yourself feel what you know you want.”

His words strike a chord within you, the intensity and possessiveness of his declaration igniting a spark of desire deep inside you. You can feel yourself weakening, your resolve cracking under the weight of his words. “Ani, please,” you say, your voice little more than a whisper. “This isn’t fair.”His words send a shiver down your spine, the heat of his body and the strength of his grip making it impossible to resist him. You’re caught between reason and emotion, torn between your loyalty to your fiancé and the deep-seated love you still feel for him. “Please…” you whisper, your voice breaking. “You’re not thinking straight. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

He looks down at you, his eyes burning with intensity. “I know exactly what I’m doing,” he says, his voice fierce and determined. “I’m claiming what should have always been mine. I’m taking what I want. You.” He leans down, his mouth hovering mere inches from yours, his breath hot against your skin. The tension between you is electric, the air thick with desire and need. Your breath catches in your throat, your heart racing in your chest. You can feel the heat and power radiating off of him, the primal force of his need and desire nearly overpowering your senses. You know that you should resist, that you should push him away and run before it’s too late. But you can’t bring yourself to do it. Your body is drawn to his, your mind consumed with the need to feel his lips on yours.

He can see the conflict in your eyes, the battle between your loyalty and your desires. He can tell that you’re close to breaking, close to giving in to what you both want. He leans in even closer, his lips practically touching yours. “Stop fighting it,” he whispers, his voice low and sultry. “Stop trying to be strong, and just let go. I know you want this. You’ve always wanted this.“ His words send a jolt of electricity through your body, the truth of them hitting you like a ton of bricks. You know that he’s right, that deep down you’ve always wanted this, always wanted him. You know that no matter how hard you try to deny it, there will be a part of you that will always belong to him. You can feel your resistance crumbling, your body and mind completely under his control.

He senses your surrender, the last of your resistance crumbling beneath the weight of his words and his touch. He can feel the heat and desire radiating off you, the air between you electric and charged. Without another word, he closes the tiny gap between you and captures your lips with his own. The moment his lips meet yours, it’s like a circuit is completed. The floodgates of long-suppressed desire burst open, and you kiss him back with a passion that takes your breath away. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, the intensity and heat of it like a storm, crashing over you and consuming you whole. You respond to the kiss with equal hunger and fervor, his hands moving to cup your face, to pull you closer to him. He wants to devour you, to possess you completely. He can feel the tension building between you, the passion and need threatening to overwhelm you both.

You wrap your arms around him, pulling him towards you and molding your body against his. You can feel his strength, his power, the taut muscles of his back, and the heat of his skin beneath his robes. The kiss deepens, your mouths moving together in a dance of desire and need. Your hearts are racing, your bodies electrified by the heat of the kiss.

You feel the possessive urgency in his touch, the hunger and need in his every movement. You can feel the jealousy and the anger, the primal need to possess you completely. And despite yourself, you feel your body responding to his touch, igniting a fire deep within you that you thought was long extinguished.

He breaks the kiss, his eyes burning into yours, his body still pressing you against the wall. He’s panting, his breathing ragged and uneven, his body vibrating with need. “You’re mine,” he growls, his voice raw and hoarse. “No one else is ever going to touch you, no one else is going to have you. I want you to leave him.“

Your mind is hazy, your thoughts clouded by the heat and desire coursing through your body. You know that you should resist him, however, you want to tell him that he owns your body and soul completely. But your mind betrays you, your words coming out in little more than a breath. "I... I can't," you whisper, your voice trembling.

The words are like a cold bucket of water to his face, his eyes flashing with a mixture of hurt and anger. He pulls back from you slightly, his hands still on your hips, anchoring you to the wall. “Why not?” he bites out, his voice rough and sharp. “What’s stopping you?“

You try to find the words to explain, to tell him that it’s too much, that you’re still engaged to someone else. But before you can form the words, he’s leaning back in, his body pressing against yours once again. “Tell me,” he says, his voice a low growl in your ear. “Tell me why you can’t be mine. I want to hear you say it.“ The heat and desire that was coursing through you moments ago has faded, replaced by a sense of guilt and confusion. You know that you should put your foot down, that you should remind him of your engagement. But you’re finding it increasingly hard to think straight as he presses his body against yours, his voice a seductive whisper in your ear. “It's a political arrangement.” You manage to say, the words coming out in a shaky breath.

A low, possessive growl escapes his throat as he hears your words. "What do you mean, a 'political arrangement'?" he snaps, his hands tightening on your hips. "Explain."

You take a shaky breath, your body still pressed against the cool surface of the wall. The primal possessiveness of his touch sends a shiver down your spine. “My marriage. It’s an arrangement made by our families,” you explain, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s meant to strengthen our families’ political relationships.”

His jaw clenches at your words. The thought of you entering into a political arrangement with someone else, someone who didn’t deserve you, is enough to make his blood boil. He moves his body impossibly closer, his hands shifting to cup your face, his voice a low growl. “So your family basically sold you to someone else for political gain?”

Your heart sinks at the harsh truth of his words. In the back of your mind, you’ve always known that the engagement was more about politics than love. But the truth hurts, especially hearing it said out loud. You can feel the tension and possessive anger in his body, the way his body is pressed against yours like a cage. You know he’s not going to let this go easily. You nod, your voice barely above a whisper. “Essentially, yes.“

His mind reels at your admission, his anger and jealousy growing even stronger. He can’t believe that your family would treat you like a bargaining chip like a possession to be traded away for political gain. “And you agreed to this?” he practically spits out, his voice thick with anger. “You agreed to marry someone you don’t even love?“

Your heart twists at the anger and hurt in his voice, but you can’t deny the truth of his words. You did agree to marry someone you don’t love, all because of your family’s political aspirations. You nod again, your eyes downcast. You’re ashamed and embarrassed, and guilt washes over you like a wave. You know you’ve hurt him by agreeing to marry someone else, but you don’t know how to fix it.

He pulls back slightly, his hands falling from your face. He feels a mix of anger, hurt, and jealousy coursing through him, the primal possessiveness warring with the need to protect you. “So you’re going to marry him?” he asks, his voice low and hoarse. “You’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t even love? Are you gonna be happy with that?“

You find yourself unable to meet his gaze. You’ve never thought about it that way before, but there isn't much that you can do. You shake your head slowly, your voice barely above a whisper. “It's the best outcome for everyone. For my family, the Order, the Force... and for you.“

His jaw clamps shut at your words, a surge of anger and frustration coursing through him. The thought of you marrying someone else, settling for a life that is anything less than what you deserve, is unbearable to him. “Best outcome for everyone?” he grits out, his voice raw with emotion. “Except for you. What about what you want? What about your happiness?“ His words sting bitterly, the shame and guilt you feel growing stronger. You know that your happiness is not a priority in this arrangement, that it never has been. But the truth hurts, especially when it’s said out loud. You shake your head again, your voice trembling. “It doesn’t matter. I have a duty, the responsibility to see this through.“

His heart aches at your words, the fact that you’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of duty is something he can’t understand. It goes against everything he believes in, against everything he fights for. “Duty and responsibility be damned,” he snaps, his voice edged with anger and frustration. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, who worships the ground you walk on. Not some political arrangement.“

Your heart clenches at his words, the mix of anger and desperation in his voice bringing tears to your eyes. You know he’s right, deep down you’ve always known that you deserve more than you’re settling for. But duty and responsibility have always been pounded into you, and the thought of going against them is terrifying. “It’s not that simple,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. “It’s not just about me. It’s about the Republic, the Jedi Order…”

He scoffs at your words, the anger and frustration growing stronger. The fact that you’re still focusing on what's expected of you, even after everything you’ve just shared, is frustrating for him. “None of that matters if you’re not happy. You’re not some pawn to be used in someone else’s game.“

Your heart aches more with every word he says, the truth of them echoing in your head. You know he’s right, you know that your happiness should come first, but the years of conditioning and expectations are hard to break. “I can’t just... abandon everything...” you say, your voice weak. “I can’t disappoint them.“

His eyes flash with anger and disbelief, his patience wearing thin. “You’re more worried about disappointing them than about your happiness? That’s a load of Bantha poodoo and you know it. They don’t deserve your loyalty.”

He's right, you know he is. You've been putting everyone else's needs above your own for so long that it's become second nature. You look up at him, tears streaming down your face. "But what about you?" you whisper, your voice trembling.

“What about me?” he echoes, his voice hoarse with emotion. “You’re choosing someone else over me. You’re choosing a life of political duty over our happiness, over what we could have together.“ He steps closer to you again, his body once again pinning you against the wall. His hands reach out to cup your face, his touch gentle despite the storm of emotion raging within him. “We could have a life together. We could be happy.“

Your heart clenches at his words, the weight of the decision you’re facing hitting you like a ton of durasteel. You know what you want, deep down you know that you’d give anything to be with him. But responsibility, a lifetime of conditioning, is still weighing heavily on you. You lean into his touch, your eyes falling closed. Your voice is a whisper, choked with emotion. “Is that possible?” He feels a pang of pain at your question, the doubt in your voice makes him want to just keep you in his arms until you understand what you mean to him. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “Yes,” he says, his voice steady and firm, despite the emotions churning inside him. “It’s possible. It’s more than possible. It’s what I want, what I’ve wanted since I met you.“ His hands tighten on your face, his touch gentle yet possessive. “Please, don’t marry him. Choose me.“

His words and touch cut through the fog of doubt and confusion surrounding you. The thought of choosing him, of having a life with him, fills you with a sense of longing and hope that you’ve never known before. For the first time, the thought of your future isn’t shrouded in obligations, it’s filled with love and happiness. You let out a ragged breath, your body tense. “I don’t want to marry Kenth.” You whisper.

His heart nearly leaps out of his chest at your words, a surge of triumph and relief coursing through him. He pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around you like a vise, pulling you flush against him. His body is taut with need and desire, the primal possessiveness in him raging stronger than ever. “Then don’t.” he whispers into your ear, his voice a low growl. “Be with me.“

Your body melds against him, your trembling hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. You feel a mix of relief and desire and fear coursing through you as you look into his eyes, your voice a whisper. “What if they find out? What if they try to... stop us? Or worse, haunt us?“

He pulls back slightly to look at you, his eyes burning with a mix of passion and determination. The thought of anyone trying to stop or hurt you fills him with a fierce, protective rage. “They’ll try,” he says, his voice hard. “But I’ll never let anything happen to you. I’ll protect you, no matter what. And if anyone tries to stop us, they’ll have to go through me first.“

His words, full of certainty and strength, send a shiver down your spine. You’ve never felt so wanted, so desired, so protected. The thought of being with him, of having his love and loyalty, is both exhilarating and terrifying. You look into his eyes, searching for reassurance. “And what if it doesn’t work?” you ask hesitantly. “What if we can’t make it?“

He sees the doubt and fear in your eyes, and his heart clenches at the thought of losing you. He pulls you even closer, his body pressed against yours, his arms wrapped around you fiercely. “It will work,” he says, his voice firm and unwavering. “I’ll make sure it does. I won’t let anything come between us.“ He leans in, his lips brushing against your ear, his voice a low growl. “I love you. And I won’t let anyone or anything take you away from me.“

His words, spoken with such unwavering conviction, send a jolt of hope and love through you. You’ve never felt so safe, so cherished, so loved. You can feel the heat and strength of his body against yours, the possessiveness and determination radiating off him in waves. You close your eyes, leaning into him, his lips at your ear. “I love you too,“ you whisper, your voice cracking with emotion. “I’ve always loved you.“

Anakin for the first time in his life, feels complete, whole. He embraces you tightly, his hands roaming over your body, possessive and protective. “You’re mine,” he whispers, his voice rough with emotion. “And I’m yours. No one can keep us apart again. Not the Order, not the Republic, not the universe.“

You can feel the possessiveness in his touch, the way his hands roam over your body as though he owns it. And a part of you, a primal, feminine part of you, longs to be owned by him, to belong to him completely. You nod, your body molding against his, your voice a whisper. “I’m yours. Completely yours.“

His heart nearly bursts at your words, your surrender and acceptance igniting a primal, possessive need in him that nearly takes his breath away. He leans in, his lips against your neck, his voice a low, ragged growl. “Say it again. Say you’re mine.“

You tilt your head slightly, giving him better access to your neck, your body melting against his. You feel a shiver of desire run down your spine at his words, his possessive tone sending a wave of heat through you. You let out a shaky breath, your voice a ragged whisper. “I’m yours. I belong to you, completely and utterly.“

Anakin’s eyes lock onto yours, the intensity and determination in his gaze making your breath hitch. His hands coming up to cup your face, his touch achingly gentle. “There are so many words I want to say to you,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “Words that will never do justice to how I feel about you. You’re the air that I breathe, the thought that consumes me, the obsession that drives me to the brink of madness.“ He leans in closer, his forehead pressing against yours. "You’re the reason I feel alive, the reason I’ll do anything, give anything, to be with you.“ His hands move to your back, his body pressed against yours, the raw need and desire in him almost feral. “I’ve tried to fight it for years, to deny it, but I can't. I can't pretend anymore that I don't want you, that I don't need you. Because I do. I need you more than anything. I’m obsessed with you, completely and utterly obsessed. Living without you it's like not having a soul inside of my body.“

He pulls back slightly, his eyes burning into yours, the force of his emotions like a tidal wave washing over you. “I will do whatever it takes, I will risk everything, I will defy the universe itself, to keep you by my side. You’re mine, and I will never let you go. You’re my love, my every thought, my every dream, my entire existence.“

Your heart is pounding in your chest, the intensity and passion in his words, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. Your hands reach up, touching his face, your fingers tracing over his features gently. “Ani…“ You whisper, your voice thick with emotion. “I… I don’t know what to say. You… you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. You make me feel loved, wanted, desired… worshipped.“

He leans into your touch, his eyes closing as he savors the feeling of your fingers on his skin. A small, vulnerable smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he looks at you. “Say you’ll be mine,” he whispers, his voice gruff with emotion. “Say you’ll stay with me, that you’ll be my everything. I need to hear it, I need to know that you want this as much as I do.“

His vulnerability in that moment, so different from the fierce and possessive man he usually is, makes your heart pound even harder. You look into his eyes, seeing the love, the fear, the need in them. You never knew he was capable of such emotion, such passion. “I’ll stay with you,” you murmur, your voice soft yet filled with conviction. “I’ll be yours, yours completely. For as long as you’ll have me.“

He lets out a ragged breath, his body visibly relaxing as your words sink in. The fear, the doubt, that had been lurking in his eyes vanishes, replaced by something wild and primal, something that nearly takes your breath away. “Forever,” he whispers, his voice hoarse and fierce. “I want you forever. I need you forever. You’re mine now, and I’m never letting you go. Together, we will defy the odds, we will fight fate, we will prove that love, true love, can conquer all."

His lips brush against yours, soft and gentle at first, but quickly turning hungry and demanding. His body presses against yours, the heat of his desire like a fever burning through you. The world around you falls away, leaving only you and him, lost in a moment of complete and utter obsession and love. You’re his and he's yours, and nothing else matters.

[burstbubbbles]

things im noticing as i rewatch bnha, an ongoing thread:

SEASON 1

- deku really was such a nerd lmao he's just like me fr (like i KNEW but i didn't remember how much i could relate to it. oops.)

- it's also interesting that he always fights back against bakugo and calls him an idiot a lot. idk why (probably because of fandom characterization) i remembered early-seasons deku as a lot more innocent and scared of bakugo. like, here's the thing, deku is scared of pretty much everything at the start because he's shy/anxious. he gets nervous talking to most of his classmates (especially, but not only, girls) when he first meets them and starts trembling when he gets elected as class president before handing the role to iida. so basically, his anxiety isn't reserved to bakugo like i remembered – if anything, he seems to get over his fear of getting bullied by him pretty quickly once he realizes he can fight back.

- kaminari tried to ask uraraka out in their first or second day of school and she was like "uhhh i like to eat... uhh... WAIT DEKU CAME BACK FROM THE NURSE'S OFFICE" lol i really didn't remember that

- bakugo's insecurity was always there. as you're reading this you might be thinking i first watched mha with my eyes closed or sth, and you're not very far from the truth. here's the thing, i first watched it when i was like 14-15, so all i knew back then was that bakugo was insufferable and i didn't think further than that. of course, he ended up becoming one of my favorite bnha characters after reading all of the manga, but it's cool to realize his character arc was foreshadowed from the beginning and didn't just magically start around season 3.

- but yeah, anyway, bakugo's insecurity and his envy over deku's natural noble nature was always there, since season 1. also, deku's real admiration over bakugo was also there. like, going back to my other point, deku wasn't just Not Overly Scared of bakugo, he actually looked up to him despite knowing he was deeply flawed. tbh they were always a bit crazy about each other.

- uraraka is so funny i love her.

- all of class 1A was so chaotic good coded

- like they collectively made fun of bakugo on the bus to USJ for being rude lol. they really bonded over their shared dislike for the guy.

- bakugo gets fucking HUMBLED all of s1. i would also be irrationally angry ngl.

- the dialogues in the first season sometimes are so unnatural for the sake of exposition, like all might telling recovery girl: "do you mind not talking so loudly ab OFA? only you, a close friend, the principal, and midoriya know about OFA. but most professors and some pro heroes also know about my condition and not being able to fight for more than 3 hours a day" like WHO TALKS LIKE THAT ??!1?1?

- deku had to go to recovery girl's office a total of 4 times (if i counted correctly) for broken limbs of fingers in HIS FIRST WEEK of school. which is funnier considering no one else from class 1A had to go even once.

- damn shigaraki was a skinny legend before he got OP

- aizawa did not react at all when he first saw kurogiri (about the shirakumo thing). that was surprising.

- also. AIZAWA IS SO BADASS?? like yes i knew he was badass from the later seasons, but i genuinely didn't remember his first fighting sequence at USJ where he single-handedly fights like at least 20 villains.

- i had also forgotten that shigaraki calls eraserhead "really cool" so early on in the anime, i thought it was a later-seasons thing.

- this is really obvious but i had forgotten the all might theme's resemblance to superman's theme. it's such a cool little detail tho!

- uraraka and deku definitely were crushing on each other when they first met, but i think it's nice that they ended up developing a really strong friendship instead of getting together after hori didn't consistently develop them romantically. it also makes a lot more sense narratively, like why would we care who deku ends up with at the end of his first year of UA when the story actually ends 8 years after that, and it's very unlikely that you marry the same person you started dating when you were 15. idk, i liked that. i like that you can have two characters who maybe have a crush on each other but can't focus on that due to Circumstances and eventually move on and become good friends. it's a win for the platonic department!

- the animation was kinda bad in the first season 😭 but it's understandable and i had fun watching it regardless.

okay im done with s1 tune in for s2 !!

[blitzwhore]

That ask you got made me realize that Blitzø and Stolas both show 4 of those 5 responses at various points, which I think is very interesting. I really never thought about it before but that's actually pretty impressive bc it never seems "out of character" for them. I think Blitzø leans more towards fight tho we see a lot of fawning from him too, and I think Stolas leans more towards fawn but I guess Blitzø really did make him feel braver bc he shows a lot of fight too.

Fight: Blitzø in FM ballroom + after Striker steals the phone from Stolas + both fighting with and saving Fizz in Oops // Stolas confronting Stella on his balcony + most of his interactions with Striker in WE + most of his scenes in Truth Seekers

Flight: Blitzø avoiding Stolas once things got complicated + not giving Fizz the love letter // Stolas in FM hallway + trying to escape Striker in the café

Fawn: Blitzø to the client in Murder Family + in FM bedroom + trying to talk to Loona in Seeing Stars about her people skills // Stolas when Blitzø comments on his Ozzie's outfit + to Stella in LLL + in a lot of his texts to Blitzø post-Ozzie's

Freeze: both freeze up in Ozzie's + potentially Stolas in the FM ballroom bc we don't see him move except to flinch until the very end but that might just be him forcing himself to stop running

Listing it out like that also made me realize that those two spend a good chunk of the series some degree of scared, nervous, or feeling unsafe. These poor guys 😭😭

Yeah, once you start to think about how present their trauma is in their lives, you can't help but notice that they're both extremely traumatised and broken people. It's really sad, and really well done, in my opinion.

I really like how complex they both are and how many different symptoms of trauma they show—both survival reactions like the ones listed here, and just their thoughts and fears and how they handle their relationships.

What's really interesting and compelling to me is how similar they are despite how different their lives have been. And how the more episodes come out, the more obvious this becomes.

Like, up until now, we knew that Stolas often fawned to keep the peace for fear of being a burden or making others uncomfortable, like he did in his text messages to Blitz, and in Ozzie's when he immediately agreed to leave when Blitz said so. And we knew that Blitz hated himself, that his biggest fear was dying alone, that he couldn't even bear to look at his own face in pictures.

And then, in The Full Moon, we get Blitz going into an extremely childish and heartbreaking fawn spiral with his "I can always do better", making himself smaller, smiling, wagging his tail. And we get Stolas covering every single picture (and item) in his house, and then taking the time to uncover Via so she's visible, but not himself. And we get Stolas terrified of dying alone.

And to me, this conveys really well how no one's trauma is worse than others', how no traumatised person is more or less broken or hurt than the rest, how there's no "lesser" trauma. How traumatised people can't be neatly divided into "people who become sensitive and weak" and "people who develop thick skin". How your trauma may present differently and uniquely depending on the circumstances, but deep down the truth is always that you were deeply hurt, and you can't bear to be hurt again, and your life has become a constant cycle of trying (and failing, due to self-fulfilled prophecies) to avoid going through that pain again.

Truly, masterfully done ❤️

[fatuismooches]

(About the Dottore sugar tax)

I like to imagine that some members of the Fatui are very discreet in handing out the sweets.

Oh, one of their comrades is getting a scolding and it looks like it's escalating? Quick! Sneak a sweet nearby that the Lord Harbinger could spot easily!

And what happens is that mid-rant, the segment would glance just a little to the side behind the researcher and he sees - what the fuck?? Why is there a Charcoal-Baked Ajilenakh Cake on the desk??? How? When???

And he just gets so confused that he kinda momentarily short-circuits

The Fatui can't keep using the sweets tactics too often tho, they might accidentally pavlov their lord into hating sweets if he keeps receiving them when he's angry!

It happened with Omega already, he scowled at the Fatui Skirmisher and demanded if the agent thought of him as a dog that could be placated with a mere treat. Yeah that guy is dead now.

And of course the segments start to get suspicious by the sixth incident of receiving a sweet out of nowhere.

Zandik is baffled, because somehow everyone and their damn mother knows he has a sweet tooth and he is convinced that Pantalone has something to do with it (probably the ninth trying to gain his favour for a new gadget to sell)

Reader: sweating in the background.

Wait no I got pavlov's experiment mixed up: It would be more accurate to say that since Dottore keeps receiving sweets when he's angry - he starts to subconsciously expect sweets when he's frustrated. Which is even funnier because imagine how confused he'd be. He's stressing about failed results, why is he salivating???

OH MY GOSH... THIS IS LIKE THE FUNNIEST AND CUTEST THING EVER AHH!! When you work for someone such as Il Dottore, it is important to stick together with your fellow co-workers. Because you never know what will happen. And also, you don't really want to be carrying your new friend's dead body to the experimentation room. So it's important to look out for each other every now and then. This includes distracting the Harbinger's attention in any way possible from the target of his assault. Even if it means sneaking sweets into the lab. Yes, it is truly terrifying work, but it is necessary, especially when you were so kind to bestow this protection upon them.

THE WHOLE ASS CHARCOAL CAKE IS WHAT MAKES ME DIE... 😭 Was he really so caught up in his ranting that he didn't notice it? Actually, never mind that, how did they know he likes sweets, much less prefers Sumerian sweets compared to any other nation? All the agents have the exact same poker face, betraying absolutely nothing, for their lives are genuinely on the line right now. It was all riding on this Charcoal-Baked Ajilenakh Cake. Yes, this was 100% serious.

Ugh... if i was a regular agent think i'd rather die than present the OMEGA segment of all a piece of candy. The courage it'd take is insane. But oops. The other agents knew from that day they needed to be more careful with their tactics... yes, they have to add this to the handbook now. 😭 I imagine, the method begins to be used sparsely because the segments are not going to let their reputation be dumbed down to the guys who can be won over by mere sweets. Nope, not happening, they should be feared! Not known to the Fatui as being a sweets lover! So subduing the segments with sweets only happens on very violent days. Or if you happen to be in the room, you'll happily take the sweets offered by the agents and share them with the segment to make him calm down.

EBWKBEWEW DOTTORE BLAMING PANTALONE FOR ALL HIS PROBLEMS!! 😭 ah he would, despite how smart he is, it just completely slips his mind that you could have done this as well. Oh well! You just hope he doesn't find out! *nervous sweating intensifies*

Teehee him stressing not only over his failed results but his sudden urge to devour some sweets... it's really annoying for him though, usually, he ignores his growling stomach for a long time but, the taste of sweets is just haunting him and his tastebuds.

Maybe if he asks you, you can make some that lasts a few days... because at this rate, he expects to be thinking about sweets for a while with how poorly his experiments are going.

[viperwhispered]

It is here! The playlist for Emi's first year at NRC, and her relationship with Jamil.

Don’t get spooked by the Finnish in the first song, the rest are in English.

Basically, this mostly follows the timeline of Emi’s first year in NRC (for more details, you can check her intro post and the timeline of her relationship with Jamil). All from her pov, pretty much.

You can probably tell when the Jamil feelings start to take hold, lol.

Funnily enough, My Land was the first specific song that came to my mind when I started this up (hi Azul apparently the mood for your schemes is very specific). For the rest, I combed through my spotify library (and oop did it take longer than I anticipated).

There’ll also be a few bonus songs in a reblog, including some for Jamil's point of view (because tumblr likes to be silly about showing posts with links and I don't wanna try my luck more than I already am).

Also if someone would prefer a youtube version to more easily access the songs, do let me know!

Anyways, there'll be some rambles and explanations under the cut, both for my thought process and for what each song was chosen to represent.

Taikatalvi

I wanted to start off with something in Finnish, to express where Emi’s coming from before waking up in the coffin at NRC. Palasia by Harmaja was also a very strong contender, but I figured this had more of a magical and fairytale vibe which suited this occasion. Plus, like, Nightwish as a band has been with me about forever, so it was quite fitting from that perspective, too.

The Worlds Forgotten, The Words Forbidden

It seems to me this one might be reasonably self-explanatory. Emi doesn’t know where she is, she doesn’t remember where she’s coming from, and she’s not exactly having a great time trying to figure out what is happening. The joys of surprise isekai 🙃

Whatever Makes You Feel Superior

Our first overblot song. Emi’s rule following has its limits, too, and her first impressions of Riddle sure ain’t the most favorable.

Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams

Basically, about Emi generally trying to cope with her situation and keep her hopes up. I also thought of using Turn the Page by Blind Guardian or Wishmaster by Nightwish to specifically refer to her escapism via books, but unfortunately those had to go when I was cutting down the playlist.

Mindfall Remedy

For Leona’s overblot - yep, Emi doesn’t have a huge amount of sympathy for Leona either, at least in the moment when she’s just scared. It Won’t Fade by Sonata Arctica was also a strong contender, especially with all the pack and animal imagery, but it didn’t quite fit - plus we already had another song from that album, and I figured I’d go for more variety instead.

Day Three: Pain

Emi struggling to come to terms with the fact that welp, she could’ve died, and this place is dangerous, and scary, and strange, and everything. Basically, things are not great.

My Land

I felt the mood suited book 3 and Emi’s feelings there quite well. Azul basically got Emi on a warpath - Azul’s taken something of hers, her home as much as she has one, and she wants it back.

Plus, this has been a very motivational / inspiring / uplifting song for me for ages, getting me pumped up for dealing with difficult things, so I figured it’d be very fitting here, with Emi squaring up to deal with Azul’s schemes.

The Rest Of The Sun Belongs To Me

Basically Emi’s mood after book 3 / as winter break approaches. She’s still struggling, but she is hanging on, and seeing more of a light at the end of the tunnel as she’s adjusting more.

Asking For It

For Jamil’s overblot. This was a tricky one to pick a song for, because it’s like Emi’s angry and hurt, but not completely without sympathy. My other options were Chameleon Halo by Entwine or Sin With a Grin by Shinedown. Honestly, all of them could’ve worked, but again trying to pick just one. Girl’s fear and all sure is turning into anger here, tho - and she sure doesn’t appreciate the feeling of being fooled and used.

Life

For ADeuce and friendship in general. It’s not all bad here, is it, and Emi’s gonna be very touched when she realizes the lengths they both are willing to go for her.

Clevermind

Some reflections post Jamil’s overblot. Honestly partially included this just since it talks about what could've been in December, it just felt too fitting. Like, Jamil could've had more sympathy and stuff from Emi, and Emi recognizes it, but boy did he squander it.

Arabesque

I’m sure y’all can figure out who this refers to. (I’m thinking the Scarabia duo in general, tbh, but yeah Jamil in particular when book 5 rolls around.)

Plastic World

For Vil’s overblot. I also considered Curtained Life by Entwine. Nothing much to say tbh, I feel it fits quite nicely.

State of My Head

Grim’s gone (and so are a few others), and turns out Emi cares enough to be feeling very protective. Not like she can rush STYX guns blazing but yeah, she’s not exactly feeling meek here.

Bleeding for the Cure

For Idia’s overblot. Was a bit tricky finding something exact for this, but I think the mood’s pretty fitting here. Plus how Idia's feeling like she doesn't have a chance for a future outside STYX and all that fun stuff.

The Symphony

Things are looking more up, Ramshackle’s starting to get more cozy with what Emi & Jamil have been doing to fix it up, some of the anxieties have been leaving Emi. And, mayhaps, there are some feelings stirring?

A Dark Switch & Aquaman

Emi’s starting to realize her feelings for Jamil and commit to it. I could've stuck with just one song but I could not bring myself to do so.

The Looking Glass

For book 7. Comatose by Ayreon would’ve also been great, but again, trying to cull things down.

The rest is basically more or less sappy love songs for Jamemi’s future, lol. Still, it’s not all sunshine and roses - there’s times of separation in their future, with them being on different years on NRC, they gotta lean on each other, and it’s not like they always see eye to eye.

Honestly it was so hard not to make this too long with all the songs I wanted to include, but I’m quite happy with the range here.

And like, how could I not dedicate some time to being thoroughly sappy with these two.

Tagging @scint1llat3 @moonyasnow @bibi-cha

If anyone else would like to be tagged for Emi things, do let me know!

[rebornologist]

Hi! I read your KHR works on your tumblr and it’s so good !! Can I have a request for Xanxus and Squalo (separately) nsfw headcanon — if their s/o want to help them relax (in sex) and initiate??

It’s alright if you’re not comfortable for writing this tho. Please take your time and have a good day!!

warnings: mentions of sex and feat. established relationships, but nothing really that graphic or alarming (surprisingly, but these are just some headcanons so ig it checks)

♡ For Squalo, chances are that his S/O is the person who initiates more often than him. The reason that he isn’t the one propositioning is because he’s often tired after a long day at work and sex isn’t the number one thing on his mind. That can be changed, quite easily, might I add. I’ve said before that his ego is huge and it takes just a little stroking before he’s absolutely wrapped around your finger and letting you stroke something else of his.

He’s open to his partner taking the lead, and especially loves a good soak in the bath with them that turns a little more slippery. It’s not something that happens every time they bathe together, but he knows when his partner has that in mind for them when they join him with a knowing smirk and a certain look in their eyes.

୨୧ ⁺˳₊

♡ With Xanxus, it can go either way. If he’s in a bad mood, it’s more difficult to change his mind and suggest that he expel his anger with some action (I fear you would not want to bear the brunt of his annoyance, anyway). But in the case that he’s in a good mood, he’s even easier to charm into the bedroom.. or on top of his office table�� or under the luxury waterfall shower… or… you get the picture.

Xanxus would have to be in a very good mood to let his partner take the lead in any way. You know the quote, “everything is about sex, but sex is about power”? That’s what comes to mind with him. He’s adamant about liking sex his way, and doesn’t have the curiosity or patience to put up with exploring too much outside of his comfort zone. On the flip side, he’s not difficult to please… kind of. I think his partner would just have to have quite a bit of stamina, because that guy fucks… He’s quite animalistic, almost shameless in his approach and always ends up in situations that are very heated.. and messy… and noisy.

He would greatly appreciate an invitation from his partner for him to lie back and let them ride him, granted he still is given free reign to grip them roughly by the hips or grope their ass and run his thick fingers up the column of their throat and around to the back of their neck, controlling the pace from under them. Even if you did intend to do most of the work, there’s not a lot of control that he is willing to give up. Regardless, he appreciates the gesture and begins to expect it from time to time, since it reassures him of your interest in him. He’s a confident and powerful man, but there’s a deep-seated insecurity that he’s slowly been tending to and healing from via the respect and loyalty of the people who stick by him.

accidentally forgor to insert a cut.. oops

[bihanspookies]

I’ll probably never do anything for them since I don’t really have them fleshed out but I wanted to post my 2 demon slayer oc’s since I caught up with the latest season and I’m living in fear for the movies

Making two sep posts since there’s minor spoilers for Infinity Castle in Azusa’s ⬇️

Name: Azusa

Age: 22

Height: 5’8

Breathing Technique: I originally had her as the Lotus Hashira but then I read the manga and found out about Kanae and went OOP gotta change it lmao. I thought about her being a Crystal Hashira, derived/trained from Gyomei but I never fully decided.

Personality: She’s very calm, cool and collected, kinda like the mediator and has a “mom” presence about her. Whenever inosuke was being Chaotic, she’d walk over, place her hand on his head and go “Now, now, let’s calm down a little hm?”

And as much as inosuke wants to be like 🤬🤬🤬, she has this calming presence around so he grumbles and is like “I’ll try my best I GUESS.”

History: im 100% Just copying and pasting with minor edits what i sent to my friend bc i don’t want to write it properly lmao.

So her family and the Wisteria estate were close friends. When she was 10 her family was killed by demons but she survived and the Wisteria family took her in bc: Friendship™️ and they had a son who she was really close to and they were best friends and whatnot.

Growing up he always said he wanted to become a Hashira bc that’s who his family protects and he wants to honor them, so it was his ultimate dream. And when she was 16 the son admitted to being in love with her but she didn’t reciprocate. So even though he was hurt, he accepted her decision and went off by himself at night to have some alone time.

W E L L He dies By demons And Azusa blames herself bc she tells herself that if she just told him she loved him back then he wouldn’t have gone off on his own and gotten killed. Which is one of the reasons she went off to become a Hashira so she could protect her loved ones and also fulfill the son’s dream . So she goes off, joins demon corps And it’s all good and dandy.

She’s super focused on achieving Hashira status And then she meets: Rengoku And at first she was friendly with him, ya know being civil but then he kept being extra nice to her and just treating her so sweet etc etc etc that she could not help but fall in love with him even tho she was scared bc she’s just reminded of The Son.

They eventually start “dating” but in secret and the only person who’s aware of it is Ubuyashiki.

First Kiss: Their whole relationship, they’re basically dating without actually saying it. One night they’re alone and Rengoku just suddenly asks “my love, will you do me the honor of being mine?”

And Azusa just looks at him and goes “if you’re calling me “my love” then you already know the answer. I’m already yours.”

And then she gently grabs his face and gives him a Kiss™️

Mugen Train Arc: I decided that Azusa is not there on the train but back at home. I also decided that they were engaged and her ring is on her finger while Rengoku’s is a necklace. Rengoku tells Tanjiro to tell his wife that even though they weren’t officially married, it felt like they were every second they spent together. Tanjiro doesn’t understand at first but then Rengoku pulls out his necklace and he recognizes it as the same ring on Azusa’s hand.

Very much movie scene in my head when I pictured this but when the other Hashira find out about Rengoku’s death, Azusa’s crow is the one to come tell her. You never fully see her face, just her walking with the camera stopping right under her eyes or an aerial view from behind as her crow flies next to her head. She gets the news and clutches her ring to her chest.

Infinity Castle Arc: Tanjiro and Giyu are the ones that go and fight Akaza and Azusa is there too. So when Akaza sees her he’s like “and who might you be?”. And she’s staring at him and says “my name is Azusa Rengoku, you killed my husband”

She’s about to just go straight in and murk but then this other demon shows up like “no no sister, you gotta go through me first”. So Azusa ends up fighting that demon while tanjiro and giyu fight Akaza.

But long story short the demon incapacitates her and is all “I think you’d make a good edition to the team, let’s see how you handle killing your teammates” and then forces her to drink muzans blood, turning her into a demon. She’s struggling to not fight tanjiro and the others but either he or someone else has to kill her bc it's too much to fight her/keep her away while also fighting Akaza.

They successfully kill her but right before she dies she sees Rengoku above her and holding his hand out for her to take.

[nowordsformylove]

Do you have any jonesmith headcanons (or just lil thoughts)?

I accidentally ended up doing a Mike character analysis instead of cute headcanons oops

My general headcanon is Mike gay Davy bi (I’m not strict about these types of headcanons tho). I think Mike realized he was gay before even moving to L.A. and joining the Monkees, and maybe that’s partly why he wanted to get out of his small hick town. I think growing up in a small conservative hick town would have a major effect on his acceptance of his sexuality. Plus the time period and being raised religious he would have insane guilt and self disgust and shove all of it into a tiny box and lock it away in the back of his brain. Once he moved to L.A. he would get way better about it, especially during the era of hippies bc even tho it’s still not legal people are way more chill and open about it and seeing that would allow him to reflect on it and accept it, BUT I think he would still have a lot of personal internalized homophobia to work through. I actually think he’d probably still be dealing with it even after he and Davy get together, but I don’t have any actual deep thoughts on the topic (bc I tend to only think about them in a fluffy/happy way,,, BUT if you happen to have thoughts on this I would love to hear them).

Davy hmm, I’ve read fics where he knew he was into guys when he lived in England and it’s just never come up bc getting with girls is easier, but I kinda like the idea of him not knowing until he falls for Mike. Actually I was just thinking earlier about him having a starry eyes + butterflies moment upon meeting Mike and not realizing he has feelings for him bc he’s never had feelings for a guy before so he just assumes it’s admiration bc Mike is so cool and mature and handsome and wonderful.

When they first get together Davy wants so badly to impress/woo Mike, which is silly bc they’ve been living together for years so Mike has seen him at his best and worst moments (grumpy, pissed off, upset, sick, he’s seen it all) and is still in love with him. Mike sees this happening and just goes along with it bc Davy is so cute trying to be all charming and gentlemanly, and while it doesn’t make him swoon in the same way it does all the girls Davy used to date it does give Mike a bubbly I’m in love with a huge dork feeling.

I know I’ve said that Mike def uses cute nicknames for Davy but I actually think verbal intimacy could be difficult for him, at least in terms of actually saying the words I love you (maybe he uses cute nicknames bc its an easier way to express his feelings than saying i love you 🤔)  I think this is an interesting dynamic for them since Davy’s thing is “hi my name is Davy Jones and I love you”. Davy might try to hold off saying it in fear that it will frighten Mike away or he could also drop it pretty early but not expect Mike to say it back right away. I kinda wrote that dynamic into my last fic (the trans mike fic) with Davy saying “I love you, I love you” to Mike and Mike responding not verbally but by pulling him into a passionate kiss that Davy understood was a mirroring of his feelings.

Mike would also have some insecurities, self-worth, and jealousy problems. I think even though Davy is obviously happy and loves him a lot Mike would get really in his head and be like Davy’s going to find someone better, he misses being with girls, stuff like that. And it might manifest as jealousy because he doesn’t want to lose Davy but thinks that it’s very possible it could happen. I can definitely see Mike lashing out/starting a fight over this in a moment of fear and self-loathing, and Davy would hate being told how he feels (he knows he’s happy with Mike and wants to be with him forever and hates being accused of feeling otherwise) but as long as they’re able to talk it out in the end everything would be fine. And besides they have a great support system in Micky and Peter so if they need to talk to them about problems or get advice I think they would be really helpful. (Though, again, Mike seems like the type to bottle up his problems so Micky would probably have to chip away at him, without trying to seem nosy, to get Mike to talk about what’s wrong).

[scumpatrol]

tag people you want to get to know better

ty @pylonium for tagging meeeee its been a few days oop

last song: movement of fear - tones on tail (spotify embeds suck ass)

currently watching: nothing rn, i binged so many shows last month and i need a break.. i might rewatch succession sooon tho

three ships: i like my friendSHIPS

favorite color: i have many but burgundy is probably the fave if i cant say black lol

currently consuming: popcorn and iced coffee

first ship: uhh idk tbh

place of birth: southern california, usa

current location: chonkers speedway

relationship status: i have many internet wifes and a boyf

last movie: uhhhh party monster ???

currently working on: finishing this bowl of popcorn, starting layne's npv, chipping away at higgs npv, idk need to be productive and create AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA probably some actual pix tomorrow or wednesday 🚬

imma tag

@ugh-my-back @cyberspacerunner @gloryride @fereldanwench @wanderingaldecaldo @dustymagpie @imaginarycyberpunk2023 @corpocookie @sidver @faarkas @barcus-wroot @skelior

or if you see this and want to do it!

[jingledbells]

random stuff about leo

he once tricked a guy at a casino to get him free top surgery(bet his tits while gambling)

he used to use glasses but uses contacts now since its harder for him to wear glasses on the run(he prefers the glasses tho. if he could ever settle down/be on the run less he'd choose the glasses in a second)

cass and corvi(I haven't mentioned corvi yet oop) call him dad sometimes and at first he pretended not to like it and got irritated but deep down he loves it and is glad to give these kids a home and family no matter how messed up it is and he loves them sm and he is. basically a dad sm

he can be a drama queen sometimes lol. especially with his hair he's very finicky with his hair(needs to always be purple but. there's actually a deeper reason behind that and its meaning that I can go into depth later)

he seems very confident and cool at times but he really has a lot of fears and anxiety and over the years and in canon timeline its gotten better but later it starts to slip up more

although he might not necessarily look it, hes a brilliant scientist and inventor !! hes incredibly smart and designs and builds a lot of the equipment/weapons/etc that the crew uses !!

hes inspired by fiddleford lol. I came up with astrolina late at night and I took fiddleford and made him purple and then took hints of other characters like captain spaceboy, Marceline, Betty grof, quicksilver(some more I cant remember) and the BOOM he was born

[prismbearer]

I'm aware it's probably paranoia, but I'm slightly concerned that when Haarlep mentions you'll have a "crueler" master than Raphael through this encounter, he doesn't actually mean himself but rather Mephistopheles who he actually serves.

Probably not though. I mean, there's no signature or contract beyond the verbal declaration and their access to your form for their use. But then like. The espionage and political manipulation potential of having access to a newly-minted hero of Baldur's Gate... Sure, the indignity and violation of the use is spoken of, but what about the souls that could be feasibly gathered to power the hells using your face as the bait?

Also. Haarlep is all, "little thief" as if you're a random stranger to him, but he also says specifically that Raphael can keep nothing from him. We know Raphael writes his idealized future plans as potential history books for his reign and leaves them laying about as WIPs... 100% Haarlep knows exactly who the player character is and their importance in Raphael's plans, and I'm sure is quite capable in seeing the "potential" in acquiring their form for themself. (I absolutely believe Raphael and Haarlep run lines and Haarlep helps him with the creative process. He has the persona down.) Anyway, I feel like it's a mistake to assume those intentions are only about fulfilling some desire for sex that Haarlep might have, more likely the potential for them to use it to empower their position with or without Raphael present. (That said, I think it's also important to consider that knowing who you are, there is potential for Raphael to die of hubris in the hells, a fate even the Lords of the Hells fear... I think wanting a benefit in the face of such a change, a Boon for their theoretical true master... makes sense. I don't necessarily believe Mephistopheles would hold killing Raphael against anyone, ultimately he was aware his son had plans against him and familial strife is considered the norm for advancement of power... however that could be wrong as there are exceptions where there is codependence amongst infernal family - Belial etc)

And typically within the system of the hells, the main concern is acquiring souls. Honestly the measly information you get for that, while interesting, is very much weighted in Haarleps favor, tho I suppose you could include your survival as a boon as he says if you were concerned about fighting him off. (Like myself, who foolishly snuck in alone through the balcony to rob the boudoir not knowing you could get an actual invitation, much less that there was an occupant... oops.)

And then, having been so present and so privy to Raphael for potentially a very long time, who is to say that Haarlep didn't actually influence events or plans himself? Not to undermine Raphael's efforts, because I do feel by large he isn't given enough credit for the true depths of his evil and depravity in fan interpretation, (NGL I enjoy making fun a little too because they did surprise us) but I think to assume Haarlep is innocent or not plotting is a mistake. If you "lose'" the game, which I found interesting is a choice and not a roll (???) he claims everything you are (soul/heart/body) to turn you into a "loving doll" for him and Raphael under their power. (Which is a Game Over. Haarlep just lounges in bed by your prone drained body. But you don't have to fight for your life feasibly, his ultimate goal is your form. He does not want to physically fight the player, but he's unwilling to allow you to leave without having insurance or benefit to himself. (Also, since the Emperor cannot reach you in the hells from the astral plane or whatever, I assume that you might actually be beyond the influence of the netherbrain transforming you as well. Another bit of interest. I have not made a pact with Raphael, but theoretically he could save you from it by trapping you in the House of Hope and keep his word depending on the terms of the contract?)

To continue onto my Raphael thoughts, it is interesting to me that he is acquiring all these souls in those pillars and has all these cambion following him. All of his supporters in the fight (other than potentially , Yurgir) were Cambion, like himself. I wonder if that is an intentional move. It seems likely to me that he might be trying to amass a following amongst other cambions with the promise of power and control in a place where they have little position due to their parentage in canon. (Raphael is just lucky my comparison due to who his father is, power wise?) Obviously, we know he intends to become the most powerful figure in the hells if possible. I'm not sure if he intended to stop short of Asmodeus, or if he intended to achieve godhood to challenge even him and the nature of the hells. We know devils plot, but if they push too far are exiled or punished by Asmodeus. Along with having us get him Yurgir, he is trying to amass followers to ascend to higher power, even if only as a powerful Archdevil. I do wonder if he was still acquiring the power for that (the Archdevil form) and we saw the first draft/prototype or if he had already kept his amassed power in secret, and the crown was the cherry on the top to push him above the competition without having to risk openly acting out amongst the powerful Archdevils who are already about.

And then damn I could really fixate on Mephistopheles - Raphael - Enver Gortash and the themes therein as well... I think you can really see the influence of presentation.

[raeyapper]

tortured poets department song opinions if you don't care then don't continue reading

Fortnight ft post malone

i like this song so much more then I thought I would

like it's actually so good

not how I expected "I love you it's ruining my life" to be used but by gods do I love it

Overall 8.3/10

The tortured poets department

Its really good

Unexpected name drop in like the first minute

Okay just drop the fucking f bomb go off taylor

Oh shit she actually name dropped jack antinoff(?)

Overall 6.9/10 (haha 6.9)

My boy only breaks his favorite toys

I was actually scared for this one

HOW DOES THIS SONG ONLY HAVE 5K LIKES

This song isn't what I expected but at the same time it is

I really like it. It's giving delulu.

It's stuck in my head now tho.

Overall 7.7/10

Down bad

unexpected but totally welcome

I think this is one of my favorites so far

Also another f bomb in the chorus holy shit taylor.

Very katniss and peeta coded

This whole album is unexpected

I expect folklore Evermore type album, but it's like synth

which is fine it's still great just unexpected

Overall 9.2/10

So long London

Track 5 wish me luck :)

I am OBSESSED (with your ex) with the call and answer in the beginning ahfjdhsjdhchfj

I will never be the same after this song

This has changed me forever

But I love it so

Overall 8.9/10

But Daddy I love him

This right here is fear

Side note: Thank God this draft saved

THIS IS THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM I LOVE IT SM

girl taylor you can't just say shit like that then go "no I'm not"

I feel like this whole songs reason for existence was to freak people the fuck out.

Like that one line "I'm having his baby no I'm not but you should see your faces"

Taylor was like "what if I pranked their asses?"

But still my favorite so far

Overall 9.5/10

Fresh out the slammer

it was really good I liked it. Not as much as the others but I did like it.

Also why did the beat randomly change near the end. I'm not crazy that happened right?

Also that beat change was kinda giving reputation soooo

Overall 7.0/10

Florida!!! Ft Florence +the machine

I don't really know if I love it or like it yet

Its either gonna be one of my favorites or I will only listen to it once or twice.

But I will say Florence's voice is heavenly

Also f bomb number 3 taylor.

Overall either 6.3/10 or 8.4/10

Who's afraid of little old me? (I am. I'm afraid)

THIS THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT THE WHOLE ALBUM WOULD BE

I LOVE THIS ONE ITS MY FAVORITE PERIOD DONE THATS IT.

Hfjchdjdbfjfjd holy shit I am in love with you taylor swift

Overall 10.5/10 exquisite

I can fix him (no really I can)

AGAIN THE FOLKLORE EVERMORE VIBES IS WHAT I EXPECTED

this song is better than I thought and I love it oh so much

I envisioned mist or fog for this song idk why

It just has misty vibes

Still I love this song soo much

Overall 10.8/10 (they are just gonna keep going up I think)

loml

loss of my life at the end 😭😭😭

Literally the saddest song on the album

I love it sooooo much though

I just realized I think I forgot guilty as sin? Oops

Still 10/10 song

Overall 11/10

Guilty as sin?

I predicted that this song would be my favorite and it might be if I listen to it more but rn it isn't

It is the most relatable tho.

Am j allowed to cry apparently not.

I do really like this song tho

Overall 9.8/10

I can do it with a broken heart

I have 2 thoughts

1 this song is so relatable its funny

"I'm so miserable and nobody even knows"

This whole song is just like:

✨✨️✨️✨️ I'm super depressed ✨ ✨️✨️✨️

And she's so real for that

But thought 2

This song is so sad and now every time I watch the eras tour I will think of "the crowd keeps chanting more"

Overall 12/10

The smallest man who ever lived

H my God this is like literally a diss track

Like dam taylor he's already dead.

The bridge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I was like "OH YEAH HERE WE GO" when that bridge started.

Overall 7.3/10

The alchemy

not what I expected

Definitely my least favorite

I don't know why but I don't like this one as much as the other ones

Overall 5.9/10

Clara Bow (again we are afraid)

this one was really nice

I like the message of like hey there were people before me and there will be people after me

Ya know like everyone is like omg your the next taylor swift

I like that she's addressing that.

Overall 9.8/10

Okay that's it I did the whole album. I will do the other bonus(???) Tracks later cause Jesus christ there is a lot of them. But thanks for reading my shit opinions on @taylorswift and the new album.