#starlost mochi

[starlost-mochi-x]

lonely st. ✧ chapter iv : falling

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)

warnings: lonely reader, school!au, hyunjin's knees are finally healing, someone else is kinda mean to y/n, swearing, descriptions of panic attacks and forced isolation, hyunjin is the sweetest softest boy ever

a/n: ...this took a while

series masterlist | skz masterlist

"Yah, Hyunjin, what the fuck did you do to your knees?"

Hyunjin looked across at Jisung, pulling his basketball jersey on.

"Oh," he said calmly. "I fell."

Jisung tutted at him, waggling a finger in Hyunjin's face. They were the last three boys in the changing rooms, having been split into smaller teams for longer, more individualized training. Felix watched the interaction with interest, piping up.

"You fall over a lot, you know," he observed. "Surprisingly often for the school's star basketball player."

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, turning back to his locker, tying the cords of his shorts. His gaze flitted down to his knees, where he'd stuck the bandaids Y/n had given him. They were quite sticky considering the designs; Hyunjin had seen Jisung buy colourful bandaids that didn't last more than ten minutes.

Two of the bandages were stuck to his left knee, one yellow with a smiley face across it, and the other solid stripes of light pink and purple, like a Cheshire cat. The one on his right knee was lime green, with solid black writing that detailed 'I'M OKAY' in wobbly writing. He loved them so much.

The fourth bandaid he'd stuck to his face, replacing the little chicken one that had peeled off. It was white, with a little pink and black spider in the middle, his favourite one so far. Truthfully, the little cut on his cheekbone had practically healed by now and didn't need anything covering it, but Hyunjin liked wearing the bandaids. It made him feel connected to Y/n, and he felt brighter somehow, as if he was one of her colourful keychains or pins.

Shaking his head, he turned back to Jisung and Felix with a smile. "Just a clumsy spell, I guess. It should heal before the championship."

Felix side-eyed him from his own locker. "It better. Jisung is hopeless on offense-"

"I'm not!"

Hyunjin let a small laugh escape his mouth. He looked across at his friends, neatly folding his uniform and placing it neatly on the shelf. He paused in his actions.

Jisung was holding his shirt above Felix's head, clearly attempting to hit him, the other boy's arms braced against his temples. They were both frozen, staring at Hyunjin with gaping mouths.

Hyunjin blinked, cutting himself off. "You know, I- what?"

Jisung whispered. "You laughed."

Hyunjin frowned. "What? Is it illegal now?"

Felix scrambled up from his position. "No, no, it's just- you've been so downcast lately. We thought something was really wrong."

Jisung chimed in. "Yeah. First it was the falling over at practice, then the being distracted during class. We were pretty worried, dude."

Hyunjin felt a little guilty at having worried his friends. His cheeks flushed and the bandaids on his knees and face suddenly felt like burning beacons. Jisung had promised not to tell anyone about his attempts to befriend Y/n, but he hadn't approved or disapproved of it. And Felix was a close friend too, but Hyunjin felt there would always be a possibility that they might not like it. Either that, or they would think he liked her. Most likely the second option.

His voice was quiet as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "I just felt stressed the last few days. I've just had a lot to do."

Felix's eyes narrowed. "You're literally never busy...?"

Panic set into Hyunjin's gut, frantic and buzzing. He stuttered a little, trying to come up with a quick lie to fool his friend.

"It's because of Y/n," Jisung blurted out suddenly.

Hyunjin threw his hands up in exasperation. "Jisung! I told you not to say anything!"

Felix's eyes bounced between them. He walked closer to Hyunjin, his gaze confused. "Y/n? You mean the weird loner girl in our class? The one who always disappears at breaktimes?"

"She's not weird," Hyunjin snapped at him, voice echoing in the locker room.

Felix's eyes widened a little, clearly taken aback. Jisung shut his mouth immediately, his friend's unusual outburst blanketing the room in a thick, heavy silence.

"You don't have to be such a jerk, Felix," Hyunjin flared at him again, well aware of the nastiness in his voice.

"Alright, man. Sorry."

Felix's voice was quiet, subdued, and Hyunjin felt a rush of remorse settle heavily in his stomach, the feeling sour in his mouth. He exhaled and sat down on the bench, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Just- she's not weird."

Felix gingerly sat down next to him. He was shirtless, having been halfway through taping his shoulder, and Hyunjin could feel the heat radiating off his skin. Felix placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as Jisung moved to sit down on his other side.

"I didn't mean it, Hyunjin," Felix's voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Hyunjin exhaled, running a hand through his dark, sleek hair. "It's fine. Just- she's not mean and intense and cold like everyone thinks she is. She gave me the chicken bandaid after I fell that time at practice, and all of these too." He gestured to his knees.

"I was wondering where you got those from," Felix chuckled, touching the one on his friend's face. "They're cute. Did you ask her for them?"

"No," Hyunjin replied softly, the ghost of a smile on his face. "She noticed both times and gave them to me. Felix, you don't understand, she's really sweet. Maybe a bit shy and awkward, but not cold. Not at all."

Felix smiled across at Jisung as Hyunjin talked. Jisung pouted cutely, pressing a hand discreetly to his heart in an 'aww' gesture.

"I wonder if she carries them around," Jisung said thoughtfully. "Maybe she's clumsy just like you, Hyunjin."

Hyunjin nodded silently in response. Now that he thought of it, he couldn't actually recall seeing her wear any of the colourful bandaids, not even on her hands or under the hem of her skirt. He wondered what she could possibly need them for.

Jisung leaned his head against Hyunjin's shoulder as Felix spoke up.

"Are you gonna get mad at me if I ask if you maybe, possibly, sort of like her?"

Hyunjin shook his head. "No, I don't. But there's no harm in being her friend. I don't know her that well, like, at all, but if I can make her life a little easier, then I should."

Jisung smiled. "That's sweet, dude. Maybe, once you get closer with her, we could start talking to her too."

Felix grinned, agreeing.

"Thanks," Hyunjin said softly. "I'm just going to be cautious around her from now on because I don't want to scare her off again. But maybe, once she opens up a little bit."

Jisung stood up, slapping his friend on the back. "Alright, that's settled, then. Let's go out to practice now. Oh, and Hyunjin, don't worry us like that again, man... It was weird not hearing your 1000 decibel laugh."

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, Felix snickering in the background.

"Don't worry," he said. "I won't."

Y/n kept her head down as she weaved throughout the students laughing and shouting in the hallways. The corridors were always busiest at lunchtimes. She ducked her head to avoid a tall senior who was wildly gesturing his arms in an animated retelling to his friend.

Looking behind her to make sure she wasn't about to get hit in the head, Y/n came up short just as she almost bumped headlong into Yeji. Her heart sank.

"Hey!" she greeted, smiling. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Y/n's fingers tightened around her sketchbook, fingers digging into the smooth, sticker-bombed surface. She gulped, palms beginning to sweat as she stared at Yeji. She'd been friends with her for almost three years, and there were not grudges between them, but for some reason Y/n found she couldn't reply.

"Um, yeah," she replied rather stiffly.

Yeji tilted her head, waving a hand in Y/n's face. "Helloooo? Anyone home?" She giggled.

Y/n flinched as Yeji's perfectly manicured hand waved in her face. She felt a searing pang of frustration and irritation shoot through her. Stepping back, she clutched her sketchbook to her chest, not knowing how to get out of the situation. The air around her suddenly felt hotter, and her shoulders were tense, like stretched rubber bands.

"Hey, Y/n!"

Y/n let out a tiny, gasping breath as Hyunjin jogged up to them. His hair was mussed and slightly slick, his tie loose and shirtsleeves rolled up messily. He must have come straight from playing basketball on the courts. Y/n saw Yeji subconsciously reach up to fix her hair, drawing a pale, pretty hand through the dark orange locks, pressing her lips together to even out the sparkly pink gloss smeared across them.

But Hyunjin paid her no mind, his smile directing its force towards Y/n. She noticed a textbook under his arm.

He tilted his head at her, inviting. "Did you wanna go to the library?"

Y/n was taken aback. There was a look in Hyunjin's eyes, some sort of layer to them that Y/n had never seen before. They were sort of slitted, his eyebrows slightly raised.

He's trying to get me out of the situation, she realised.

"S-sure," she stuttered, cursing herself inwardly.

Hyunjin gave Yeji an effortless smile and gestured for Y/n to walk alongside him. Yeji's smile dropped as he walked a few paces past her to Y/n.

Dropping her head, Y/n shuffled to him and he began to make casual, friendly conversation as they walked down the hallway. clearly attempting to distract her.

Yeji glared after them.

Hyunjin glanced across at Y/n as she slumped down into her usual seat, the table hidden from the rest of the library by the tall, slightly dusty shelves. He sat down delicately next to her, shuffling his chair a little bit away from her so as to give her space.

Her head was down on the desk and Hyunjin sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, wondering if he'd messed things up. But she hadn't looked exactly comfortable when he'd seen her talking to Yeji. He'd calmly observed from a distance, until Yeji had waved her hand in Y/n's face.

He knew she probably meant no harm, but it was clear that Y/n was beginning to panic after she flinched, so he had jogged up to her to try and give her an excuse to leave.

Hyunjin wondered if Y/n and Yeji were really friends. He'd seen them together a few times, talking, usually in a group with Ha-eun, Aeri, and Sangmi, but for some reason Y/n always seemed like she wasn't enjoying herself, usually quietly listening to the others talk excitedly or with her face buried in her sketchbook.

Hyunjin frowned a little, running his fingertips along the side of his closed textbook. If she had friends, why did she choose to be alone? Were they bullying her?

"Hey," he whispered. "You okay?"

He could hear tiny, short gasps coming from her side of the table and he fidgeted desperately, not sure what to do. He was pretty sure she was panicking. He'd heard Jisung do the same thing a couple times, usually after really important basketball matches. But he didn't understand why it happened, or what it was. Jisung kept it quiet, and Hyunjin didn't wish to intrude, so he'd patted his friend on the back and fetched his coach.

Then he had left.

You can't do that to Y/n, Hyunjin thought. I can't leave her, but I'm afraid if I stay, I might make it worse.

He scooted his chair just a tiny bit closer, keeping note of her breathing. His hand hovered unsurely over her back, wanting to offer some sort of comfort. Jisung had told him that different people liked to be comforted in different ways. He wondered how Y/n preferred to be treated when she was upset. He made a mental note to ask her later.

Leaning down to her level, Hyunjin placed one arm on the table, turning his head towards her. He exhaled and the warm breath stirred Y/n's hair. She didn't move. Hyunjin could see one hand pressed to her mouth, covering it. The other was hidden by her blazer lapel, pressed against her chest. Her knee was bouncing up and down rapidly and Hyunjin bit his lip, reaching out a feather-light hand to gently still it. Her knee stopped bouncing.

Hyunjin whispered to her worriedly. "Y/n, are you sick?"

A slight shake of the head. Hyunjin looked around for someone who could help, but he couldn't see past the library shelves. He stood up slowly, bending down to whisper to her.

"I'm gonna go find someone, okay?" He told her determinedly. "They can help-"

"No," she whimpered, almost inaudibly.

Hyunjin's eyes widened. Sitting down again, he leant close to her. Her hand, much smaller than his, moved to grip his wrist. It didn't even go all the way round. Hyunjin blinked, taken aback, but Y/n's tiny, hiccupping voice directed his attention to her instantly.

"Don't leave me," she gasped, a tiny sob leaving her mouth. Her head was still down on the desk. "Hyunjin, don't go, please-"

Hyunjin's brow creased in worry and he couldn't hold himself back any longer. Placing a gentle arm around her, he shuffled closer and leaned his head on the table next to hers.

"It's okay," he said as comfortingly as he could. "I won't leave. Just try and breathe, okay?"

He suddenly became aware that telling her to breathe wasn't really helpful advice, but he didn't know what else to do. What were you supposed to do when things like this happened? Was he supposed to stay? What was he supposed to say to her?

Tears pricked at the corners of Hyunjin's eyes.

Help her, Hyunjin. Do something.

Not knowing what else to do, he quietly began telling her about his day. About how he had to do his homework while the teacher was collecting it because basketball practice ran late last night and he didn't have time. About how he had seen Jisung, his friend, inhale half his food the second the bell went so he could go talk to a girl he liked from his English class.

"They spent literally the whole first breaktime flirting," he told her quietly. "My friend Felix had to grab him by his collar because we all share a class. Jisung always makes us late."

Hyunjin fought a relieved smile as he saw Y/n turn her head just a little, indicating she was listening. Her breathing was evening out and Hyunjin kept talking in a low, reassuring voice until he was positive she had calmed down completely.

"We had practice again this morning, and championships are soon, so we got split up into teams. Coach also told me after practice that he liked my bandaids. See?"

Y/n turned her head a little more as he shuffled back in his chair, facing his legs towards her. He pointed to the lime green one on his right knee, with the 'I'M OKAY' wobbly black writing.

"That one's my favourite," he said softly, sincerely. He pointed to the pink and purple striped one. "And this one reminds me of you, because it's like your bag, all these cool, colourful pins and keyrings."

He tapped his cheek, where the white bandaid with the pink and black spider symbol was stuck. "This one's my favourite, so I put it on my cheek. The cut's actually healed now, but I like it. I feel all decorated."

Y/n lifted her head slightly, a tiny sniff coming from her. He still couldn't see her face, so he brought his arm up a little, giving her comfort. He knew people didn't like to be seen crying.

"Hey," he whispered to her sincerely. "Are you feeling a little bit better?"

She nodded, lifting her head. There were tear stains down her cheeks, and her nose and eyes were red. Hyunjin dug in his pocket and produced a tissue, handing it to her. He always carried them around, finding them useful at random times, but he'd been secretly keeping one in his pocket in case his new friend needed it.

He silently congratulated himself as Y/n took the tissue with a tiny nod of thanks.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Hyunjin met her eyes with a soft, worried gaze. "Why would you be sorry?"

"I wasted your time and now you have to sit here with me while I be a drama queen and cry-"

Hyunjin cut her off determinedly. "No, Y/n... I saw you were uncomfortable, and I did it because of that, but also..." His cheeks flushed, feeling warm. "I wanted to spend time with you." He finished quietly, admitting.

Y/n's gaze flitted to him, confused. She sniffed. "Why?"

He smiled back, a little embarrassed, but intent on telling her his intentions.

"It's actually really nice here. Besides, sometimes I don't feel like hanging out with my friends Jisung and Felix, or playing basketball, or talking at all, to be honest. Especially when I'm tired. But I always did it anyway because I didn't have anywhere else to go during lunchtimes."

He poked her shoulder gently, smiling. "And now I do, and I've got a new friend to do it with as well. Or classmate, who likes talking to me... At least I hope you do."

Y/n looked anywhere but him, feeling that strange, warm feeling settle in her stomach again. For some unknown reason it only happened around the dark-haired basketballer.

Hyunjin let out a little cheer of joy just as a tiny, reluctant smile cracked Y/n's mask.

Felix turned to Hyunjin as they walked down the little path leading to the bus stop. Jisung was walking ahead, seemingly in a better mood than usual; for Felix and Hyunjin, that meant supervising him while he bounced off the walls and stole random leaves off the trees on the sidewalk.

Felix huffed and called out a warning to Jisung who had almost tripped up ahead, before turning to Hyunjin.

"You catching the bus with us today?"

Hyunjin shook his head. "I found out that me and Y/n pretty much live really close, and we both go down the same street, so I asked her to walk with me like I did yesterday."

Felix grinned. "Seems like she's coming around."

"I hope so," he said quietly. "Sorry about leaving you with Jisung. I think he had one of those sugary energy drinks earlier between classes."

Felix rolled his eyes. "I'll be lucky if I get him onto the bus without him tripping and starting a fire of some sort."

Hyunjin laughed and squeezed his friend's arm just as the bus rolled up. He waited until Felix and Jisung had both entered and sat down, then he began turning and walking back the way he'd came. He'd asked Y/n to come with him while he walked his friends to the bus stop, but she had shyly declined, shaking her head before he had even finished his question. She seemed avoidant of being around large groups of people, Hyunjin observed.

She'd settled to wait at the school gates while he had walked the short distance to the bus stop. Looking up, she noticed Hyunjin approaching with a smile.

"Hey," he greeted. "Thanks for waiting for me."

Y/n nodded and they began to walk in silence. Hyunjin kept up a constant stream of cheerful chatter as they walked, skipping over stones. They passed the spot where Hyunjin had fallen and scraped his knees, and Y/n took his arm cautiously, eliciting a small, affectionate smile from the boy.

Reaching the willow tree, Hyunjin rounded the corner, gesturing for Y/n to follow him with a smile. She tilted her head in confusion.

"Let's go for a while longer, down to the shops," he told her. He hurriedly corrected himself at her expression. "Y-you don't have to. If you want to, though...? It doesn't have to be for long-"

Y/n nodded solemnly. "Okay."

Hyunjin let out a breath of relief as they continued walking. It felt new and different walking past the usual route to his house. He glanced sideways at Y/n, who was busy looking up at the sky. He let one of his hands fall from his pocket and dangle at his side so he could catch her just in case she fell. Looking down at the pavement as they walked towards the shops, he let his other hand fall from his pocket too, mistrusting his own steps, though he was being as careful as he could.

He had enough bandaids on his body already.

Y/n's phone buzzed. Setting her sketchbook down, and slightly jarred at the interruption, she crawled across the bed and picked it up from the bedside. Turning the screen on, and hissing at the brightness, she slammed it down on the pillow.

Staying up late at night was one of Y/n's favourite things to do. It was the reason her eyes were always dark and strained, but the night brought a peace and serenity the daylight could never give her. She'd been sketching in her pad by the light of a little pocket torch when her phone had gone off.

Sighing and turning the torch off, she squeezed her eyes shut tight, adjusting them, before picking up her phone once more. Swiping into her home screen, she noticed several message notifications. Her heart jolted unpleasantly.

It was none other than Yeji. The last message had been sent a minute ago.

yeji 🌷: you up?

Y/n gulped before texting back.

y/n ⛓️: yeah y/n ⛓️: what's wrong? it's late yeji 🌷: i was just wondering something... i couldn't sleep so i thought i'd ask you anyway. sorry if i woke you y/n ⛓️: no, it's okay. what is it? yeji 🌷: today, when we were talking... you and hyunjin yeji 🌷: are you dating him?

Y/n buried her face in her pillow, letting out a muffled groan. She knew this was bound to happen. Not that she didn't appreciate Hyunjin's help for getting her out of the situation. She had no clue why she had become so upset when she'd run into Yeji. Maybe it was the fact that Yeji was smart, pretty, funny, loved by most of the girls in their grade. She was just so normal.

Y/n was well aware that she had no reason to really hate Yeji. After all, they were friends.

Then why did Yeji irritate her so much?

y/n ⛓️: what makes you say that? yeji 🌷: you guys have been hanging out a lot lately... yeji 🌷: i didn't think he would be into someone like you

Y/n frowned, turning the screen off suddenly. What did she mean, 'someone like her'? Someone as quiet or lonely as she was? Someone who was the outcast of the school?

She turned the screen back on, flicking into the messages.

y/n ⛓️: we're not dating yeji 🌷: then why does he keep talking to you? y/n ⛓️: because he's my friend, and he's in most of my classes too. why? yeji 🌷: just wondering, haha

Huffing, Y/n glared at Yeji's reply message. Just wondering, totally. Anticipating an argument building, Y/n exhaled before typing out a final message.

y/n ⛓️: my phone's about to die. sorry.

Then she turned it off.

Hyunjin absentmindedly tossed his basketball between his hands, watching as the sunlight cast patterns across the vibrant orange material. It was pretty early, with some students milling through the halls, but mostly the corridors were empty. Basketball practice had finished pretty early that morning. His knees were healing well, and he was feeling ready and prepared for the upcoming championship matches.

Jisung and Felix had stayed behind to run some training drills. Hyunjin knew that 'training drills' meant messing around and trying to hang from the hoops by their arms while their coach wasn't there. He appreciated the opportunity to quietly walk by himself nonetheless, smiling as he thought of the way Jisung would excitedly tell him about the morning's antics in form class.

Turning a corner, he ran directly into someone, dropping the basketball in surprise.

"Yeji," he said, blinking. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

She grinned at him, teasing. "Am I that short, Mr. Hwang?"

Hyunjin chuckled. Him and Yeji were somewhat close, having been in the same inner circle of their old friend group before it had eventually split. Hyunjin went with the boys on his basketball team and Yeji stuck with the other girls, some of which he'd seen with Y/n. Or around her, to be more specific. They usually ignored her, chatting excitedly, while she was left in the dust. Maybe they thought that there was no need to talk to her unless she talked first. The thought made his fingers tighten around the basketball as he moved to pick it up.

"Haven't seen you in a while, Yeji."

She smiled back, clearly pleased to have ran into him. "Yeah. How's basketball?"

"Good." They began walking down the hallways in silence. Yeji was seemingly expectant, and Hyunjin wondered if there was a group event or hangout he'd missed that she was about to pester him about. Maybe she was just waiting for his reply.

"So," Yeji began, eyes glinting as she looked up at Hyunjin. "You and Y/n, huh?"

There it is. Hyunjin fought the urge to roll his eyes as he replied.

"No, we're friends."

"That's what everyone says. Why else would you befriend her?"

Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, basketball slipping a little under his arm. He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

Yeji flicked a long strand of orange hair behind her shoulder, looking up at him innocently. "I mean," she said breezily, "she's kind of an outcast."

Hyunjin fought the urge to snap at her, or throw his basketball in her face, or tug her hair out. Or all three, preferably. But he kept his cool with some effort, masking his anger with the fake guise of coughing suddenly. His breath suddenly caught in his throat and he actually started coughing.

Yeji placed a manicured hand on his back in concern, leaning closer to him.

"You okay?" she said gently, in concern that Hyunjin had a feeling was entirely fake and most likely an excuse to get closer to him.

"Yeah," he said wheezily, knocking a fist against his chest. "All good."

Yeji tilted her head and they kept walking. Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to slap her in the face, but something in his gut told him to play along and see what Yeji said.

"So, about Y/n," he started hesitantly. "What do you mean, 'why else would i befriend her'?"

Yeji sighed. "Hyunjin, literally no one likes her. I'm only friends with her because she hangs around me like a fly. I was just wondering why you were friends with her."

Hyunjin's mouth pressed into a thin line. Yeji had always been pretty upfront and honest with him. But it was still jarring listening to her admit that three years of friendship with Y/n had been a lie. That she was just a pity friend. Hyunjin was disgusted.

But he couldn't tell Yeji that. Otherwise she would tell everyone and perhaps make up a few lies along the way. He'd seen her do it to another guy from the soccer team and it hadn't ended well. He'd left the school.

"It's just that I need help to pass English this semester," he said to her as honestly as he could. It was surprisingly convincing, considering it was a complete lie. "She's pretty smart."

Yeji blinked up at him through long lashes. "Is that why you keep going to the library with her? So she can tutor you?"

Hyunjin nodded.

Yeji continued, a hint of suspicion in her voice. "Y/n's pretty socially dumb, but not that much. What did you offer her in return for the tutoring? I doubt she would've done it for free."

Hyunjin blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "A date with me."

Yeji let out a short, high-pitched laugh. "No waaayyy, Hyunjin. That's so sneaky of you. I bet she didn't suspect a thing."

Hyunjin let out a short, forced laugh. "Yeah. I just really need to pass English, otherwise I might get kicked off the basketball team..."

They reached the end of the hallway. Yeji stopped and turned to him, tilting her head and smiling. "You don't have to rely on that loser to tutor you. I'm doing pretty well in English right now. I'll tutor you instead."

Panic seized Hyunjin's gut. "Oh, uhm- I'd hate to trouble you. Wouldn't wanna take up any of your time."

Yeji shook her head eagerly. "No, it's fine," she pulled out her phone and waved it in Hyunjin's face. "Text me a time and then you can come over to mine tonight, okay? It'll be fun."

Hyunjin had no choice but to nod. "Um, sure. I guess."

Yeji giggled, touching his arm. "And remember, this conversation stays between us. Don't tell your little friend Y/n, okay?"

Hyunjin nodded, forcing a smile onto his face.

"Sure, Yeji."

taglist (open) : @kozumesphone @bangchansgirlsblog @ms-flowergirl

✨ send a request or DM to be added / removed !

[jeonginsleftcheek]

The Dolly series (TAGLIST & MASTERLIST) (CLOSED)

THE TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!

For everyone who has read my Hyunjin Dolly fic, I'm making this post where you will be able to comment if you want to be added or removed from the taglist to this series.

The series will consist of 8 chapters, each for one individual doll, and they will tie in together in the final chapter.

I will edit this post more later, this is just to have the taglist in one place.

Taglist & Masterlist under the cut.

Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @simpforleeknaur @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @juskz @quokkacidal @chuuyaobsessed @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @lixies-favorite-cookie @thelostprincessofasgard @linocvp1d @stayjinnie @portgasdbru @lilgothhishhh @selinia86 @felixsbabe @staytinyluva @sadroses98 @katexstay @gnabnahcsworld @hazelbazil @iwannahugchangbin @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @skzfelixlove @skzjen @syedazarintasnim @geektacularmommom-blog @cookiesnmilfx @kayleefriedchicken @stxt-bby @strykdsstanot8 @hyunjinhwang2018 @binniesbabygirl @hyunjiniretti @linavc @julciaqwerty @salemluvsmusic @diipsy

~ bolded couldn't be tagged

Summary of the series:

A line of eight unique sex dolls has been released for the public to try out.

It's fun to play with them, but there is a truth waiting to be discovered under that guise of fun.

Which doll would you like to order?

Masterlist

1. Hyunjin, the romantic doll

2. Seungmin, the mischievous doll

3. ???, ???

4. ???, ???

5. ???, ???

6. ???, ???

7. ???, ???

8. ???, ???

[onementally-unstabel-kid]

(For the ask from before)

Fem or gn readerrr^^

sorry for the last one tumbl decided too do me dirty thank you for your patience 😭

Do you trust me @hannamoon143

(Dog)whistle tone @feelbokkie

Search for the light @hannamoon143

Stay forever (if you'd like) @soobnny

Skz + ways they show I love you @jeondesu

Your awake @skzstannie

Bff skz and the little things they do when they have a cruch on you @lixie-phoria

Before we go to bed @chachachannah

Early morning moments with skz @hyunebunx

Wrong number @sheerfreesia007

Besides you @strrykais

Hwang hyunjin - skz fluff headcanon @starlost-mochi-x

This was harder then it looks I'll add more in the future I just can't find the others 😭

Ik you said skz but ii couldn't help myself I added this one ni-ki fic it's spiderman au I really like It you don't have to read it😭🙏🏻

To weave my love @mygnolia

[jeonginsleftcheek]

thank you for tagging me love🫶🏻

@moonlightndaydreams @moonchild9350 @jehhskz @spookwyrdie @hanniebaeee @skzdust @lixies-favorite-cookie @fruityuncleskeletor @seungfl0wer @dwaekkicidal @seospicybin @starlostseungmin @gamercookies @quokkacidal @httpdwaekki @starlost-mochi-x @catiuskaa @changisworld @hyunebunx @hyuniepies @hwanghyunjinismybae @binniemaru @bbokicidal @frehyun @stayconnecteed @astraystayyh

love u babies🥹🩷

positivity train!

if you see this or are tagged in it, tag a couple of your favorite mutuals/blogs and let them know you appreciate seeing them on your dash!

@h0neysugarfree @blueberrylovv @bequiteanddriveeeeeee @cherri-bomb-bomb @eg0mechan1c @fatrexicisback

[starlost-mochi-x]

hwang hyunjin - skz fluff headcanons

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

summary: hyunjin headcanons

genre: fluff, idol! au, comfort, general fluff headcanons, get you a man like hyune

a/n: divider from @aewinse (or not) rightful owner of this cute divider, please don't be mad at me i'm just a lil thing

masterlist

so

we all know how perceptive hyunjin is

super emotionally aware

not that the other members of skz aren't, it's just that hyunjin seems to sense your emotions the best

i stand by the opinion that he's actually the most sensitive member of skz

anyway

he can always tell when something is off

and he isn't usually upfront about it

like when you come home upset about something, or something bad happens, hyunjin doesn't shove himself in your face

instead, he just quietly stays by your side and offers you little things like hugs or tissues

and unless you ask him for space he's staying right by your side

sometimes he closes his eyes really tight and tries to take the pain away for you

crying

he also brings kkami with him and sits him down next to you because he knows stroking the soft, warm fur helps keep you grounded

just know that whenever you're upset, hyunjin will be right there with gentle words of reassurance and lots of affection to give if you want it

also always has pocket tissues and a bottle of water in every room of the house so if you do end up upset, he doesn't have to leave you

speaking of leaving

hyunjin is always dragging you out of the house on little dates

we all know this man is a hopeless romantic so of course you expected this when you started dating him

usually it's art gallery dates

sometimes it can also be things like visiting pop-up stores

or just random restaurants that look interesting

once hyunjin dragged you to a slightly suspicious pop up food stall

needless to say, you both ended up at the jeongchan dorm for two weeks because of food poisoning

on the bright side you did get to be around him nonstop for a whole fortnight

neither of you complained

jeongin did tho

"chan-hyung, y/n just threw up on my hoodie!"

lmao

hyunjin is also the type of guy to invite you over to his very often

changbin is usually at the gym so you both get quiet time to yourselves

you both have a watch list

most of the time it's cuddling and watching the dramas and movies

snuggling in bed with lots of snacks and warmth

at this point you and hyune both have designated blankets to use when movie nights happen

they usually end up on the floor tho bc you both just tangle yourselves in each other's arms

oh well

forget about the blankets

if it's warm, it works

hyunjin also likes to keep physical contact with you

if you're working, he'll sit beside you and quietly draw in his sketchbook

or on your forearms

as long as it doesn't disturb you, but you don't really mind bc his drawings and doodles are cute

if you wear jewelry, he'll be fiddling with it

or your hair

and he loves your hair so much !!

always messing around with it, suggesting different looks and styles

as someone who dyes their hair a lot, hyunjin knows a surprising amount about the whole process

you could suggest a colour and he'd tell you the whole process

gesturing and making cute faces and holding up strands of his own hair to demonstrate

as much as you love him, you don't really want him to cut or style or colour it for you

sorry hyunjin

he likes it when you try and style his hair tho

whenever you're out, you look for little cute hair accessories and ties you think he might like

then when he gets home

he sits between your legs while holding a mirror, and you clip hairpins and tie elastics into every section of his locks

he loves it

the feeling of your hands against his scalp is so relaxing to him

multiple times he's fallen asleep like that

with his hair full of ridiculous accessories

this makes for a lot of cute photos

hyunjin is pretty much the fashionista in the relationship so he's always down for things like new makeup looks or nail designs

if you're a makeup artist, stylist, or nail tech, even better

if you're not, that's okay too !!

he loves watching your little focused face as you draw clumsy designs on his nails, style jewelry against his skin, and draw on him

he thinks it's like you making your mark on him

so wherever he goes, he always has a little piece of you by his side, whether it's a cute ring you bought for him, a silly drawing on his forearm, or a slightly mismatched outfit

the rest of the members tease him relentlessly but he doesn't care 70

he just likes the feeling of you being comfortable enough around him to share your ideas through styling

he'll also do the same for you, wanting to pick your outfits, especially for the bigger events where you're also invited, like award shows

or versace runway events where you're his plus one

you have a closet at your place which is full of stunning, custom made items hyunjin got for you, designed by donatella versace herself

but even though they're expensive, hyunjin expects nothing in return, only wanting you to look and feel beautiful and stunning

he'll also show his love by buying the both of you matching items

it's a little tradition between the both of you

you both now have matching phone cases, rings, necklaces, bracelets, hairpins, and a variety of other items

to outsiders, you and hyunjin and hopelessly in love

and they're right

usually you guys go out with matching outfits too

because it's whimsical and romantic and you both believe that it showcases your love to outsiders, and bonus, if either of you gets lost, you know exactly what colour shirt to look for in the crowd

needless to say, you're always the matching couple on the block <3

a/n: hyune for the win !

[starlost-mochi-x]

fever - kim seungmin

pairing: kim seungmin x reader

summary: seungmin's sick and you try to take care of him

genre: fluff, idol! au, descriptions of having an illness (obvs), sick seungmin :(

a/n: everyone say it with me, my fics are yet again... not proofread ! yay ! (no one's surprised)

You shut the apartment door and hurriedly slip your shoes off, depositing your bag on the table and moving through to the hallway. You half-undress as you go, loosening your tie and almost tripping trying to pull one of your socks off. Finally making it to the bedroom, you glance at the bed, hair half-hanging down, your tie and pins a cluttered mess in the palm of your hand.

"Seung?" you say softly.

A muffled groan sounds from under the rumpled duvet. Seungmin's head pops up into view, hair ruffled every which way, and your heart twinges. He must have been tossing and turning for most of the morning.

He sits up with some difficulty, the mattress under the blankets a mess of crumpled tissues. He's taken his hoodie and sweats off, and you can see some of his hair plastered to his nape. Sighing and moving to turn the fan on, you direct it at him in a gentle flow and move to sit on the end of the bed.

You place a hand against his forehead. "You were fine yesterday, hmm? What happened?"

Seungmin groans, clearly not pleased with the prospect of being ill. "Just felt ill this morning, and next thing I know, Chan-hyung is manhandling me out of the studio. And then he told you that I was sick. Such a snitch."

You push his shoulder gently. "Don't get mad at him for caring about your wellbeing. Better to heal now than work while you're sick and end up feeling even worse."

Seungmin groans and flops onto the bed again, his hair mussing even more. You touch his bare chest lightly, reassuring; it's covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and the skin feels like it's burning.

Probably a good thing Chan told me, you think. He must be feeling really ill if even the fan isn't helping cool him down.

"You're burning up, Seung-"

"I'm sorry I distracted you from work."

His sudden apology comes as a surprise; Seungmin isn't really one to apologise or talk about his feelings much. The sudden admission makes your mouth press into a thin line.

"It's not your fault, okay? You're ill. And I'm glad Chan called me. You must be feeling terrible with a fever like this."

He responds with a muffled whine, burying his head in the sheets. His arm moves to fling itself dramatically over the side of the bed. You chuckle and pat his forearm softly, moving to get up.

"I'll go get the medicine, okay?" you pick up his half-empty waterbottle from the bedside table. "Drink that while you wait, and stop pulling the duvet over your head, it'll only make you feel worse."

A high-pitched, mimicking, whiny lilt comes from under the covers, and you punch the sheets lightly, not enough to cause any damage, but still making Seungmin yelp. A smirk makes its way onto your face.

"You're well enough to make fun of me, so I should just leave, then-"

"No- wait.."

You chuckle and pat the duvet, pulling it down to reveal his sweaty, flushed face. You stand and begin moving towards the door, intending to go fetch medicine and a snack for him.

"Give me a minute. I'll be right back, okay?"

a/n: this is so rushed i'm sorry

[starlost-mochi-x]

General fluff headcanons with skz

(If not all then just with Chan and Hyunjin!!) ♥️

hihi sweet anon i'm sorry this took so astronomically long ... it's here now tho oops . i got hit with writer's block and lost motivation sigh ... hyunjin version is dropping later tonight, and i might continue the headcanon series if people request for the other members :] we'll see tho <3

bang chan - skz fluff headcanons

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: chan headcanons

genre: fluff, idol! au, comfort, general fluff headcanons, chan is just a silly lil thing

a/n: i hate writer's block . divider from @aewinse

masterlist

...

first of all

lots of physical affection

like, lots

anywhere he can get you, anywhere he can find you, he's coiling his arms around your waist or around your shoulders, leaning over your shoulder to nosily look at whatever it is you're doing

sometimes, if he wants attention, and is in a whiny mood, he'll drape himself over you and let his weight sag onto your body from behind

which usually results in a panicked squeal from you, a chuckle from chan, and therefore the two of you sprawled in a heap on the floor

from there, you're not getting up

say goodbye to whatever it was you were doing because chan will happily lie on top of you for as long as he pleases

unless you urgently need to get up, like to turn off the stove or go to the bathroom, chan will keep you in his arms for a very long time

the fact that your legs go numb after a while because of his weight is also an advantage in chan's eyes

he can literally just lift you up and place you on the bed or the couch to cuddle with him like a little plush toy

albeit a very whiny one

when he's feeling a little more playful, and in need of your affection, he'll come up behind you and suddenly throw you over his shoulder

the world goes upside down and before you know it, you're cozied up with a giggly chan

he loves taking naps with you fr

we all know this man does not sleep like at all but somehow having you near him helps a lot

he always finds that your warmth makes him feel relaxed and cozy, and he doesn't have to worry about what comes next because it's just you and him, right now

even if he doesn't manage to get to sleep, he's content with just peacefully watching you sleep, and likes to stroke your hair or talk to you softly

even though you can't hear him

chan also loves to cook for you !!

he's always bugging minho to teach him new recipes so he can cook really good food for you

eventually minho just sends him a list of recipe blogs and websites and you usually come home to something hot on the stove

chan's super busy, so on the days he can't be there to cook for you, he'll prepare food beforehand and freeze several containers so you don't have to cook

he gets to take care of you, and you get to eat well

win win

you always save half the portion of your food so that when chan comes home, he can eat quickly before slipping into bed next to your sleeping figure

he doesn't like it much when you do that, since he wants you to eat well without having to worry about him

you do it anyway, knowing that chan often doesn't have the energy or time to make food for himself after a tiring day at the company

also !!

he likes inviting you to his solo studio sessions, usually late at night or during his free time at the company

sits you on his lap without fear because he always locks the door beforehand

"can't have the kids walking in on us,"

or so he says

he just wants you all to himself

you trace the veins on his hands and forearms while he mixes beats and adds elements to his tracks

hums softly into your ear while you lay your head against his chest

and when you get tired, he'll lift you carefully and place you on the studio couch, draping his thick, cologne-scented leather jacket over you

also i just know he smells so good okay

like

i'm thinking like spicy, smoky sort of scent

but not like bushfire smoky or whatever

like a soft, subtle, masculine smell

more woodsy and leather-like

ughhh

he always pulls up these fragrance websites on his phone, maybe from fendi or another fashion house

he'll let you sit on his lap and choose whichever you think will suit him best

and he always buys the ones you choose, wearing your three favourites on alternate weeks so you have an excuse to be close to him

you just want to smell him

don't tell him that though kekeke

chan also loves buying you stuff though you always tell him not to

on your bad days especially, when you get home, there'll be a little care package on the bed in a pretty box tied with a ribbon

he always puts your favourite snacks, sweets, skincare products, and little gifts inside because he knows it makes you feel so much better

also always adds two facemasks so you can both do them when chan comes home

obviously you get first pick tho

chan also likes buying you little things from tour that remind you of him, or things that match the vibe of the songs they performed

when he came back from the maniac tour it was an oversized hoodie with green and purple accents, just like the theme of maniac

when he travelled to seoul for the five-star tour, he came back with a pair of black leather combat boots

and they had these little silver stars studded all over the sides, and thick silver zips

you wear both items as often as you can, trying to incorporate chan's little gifts into your everyday life

you feel bad sometimes because he keeps buying you stuff and you don't want to be a bother, but chan firmly insists on it

"baby, you're never a bother,"

please step on me ugh

aHem

moving on

in return, you always take chan's insta posts and some of his bubble pics too

he always lets you choose which ones he should post, though over time they get less and less thirty bc chan is yours and not stay's

as much as you and chan love the fans, there are some select photos you would much rather keep to yourself

it's more special that way in your opinion

chan likes to take pretty photos of you too

you get like really shy though, and chan can't have that

so he just sits you opposite him, takes your wrists in one hand, and snaps a shit ton of photos of you with the other

there's no way to get out of it

he keeps all his photos of you in a special folder on his phone, and his favourites pictures of you in a locked, password-protected folder

like your anniversary pictures, and other special memories he doesn't want other people to see

the kids nag him to show them the photos but chan never relents, wanting to keep those special memories private

your camera roll is much the same

you're also the number one supplier of bang chan blackmail material

the boys, especially minho and felix, always come to you for blackmail material and stupid photos of chan that he hates

you think they're cute but chan violently disagrees

anyways

chan honestly doesn't mind you having his less-than-favourite photos on your phone

as long as you're happy <3

a/n: reblogs and comments appreciated

[jeonginsleftcheek]

ty for tagging me🫶🏻

even tho i'm listening to a lot of liminal music and horror game soundtracks lately i guess spotify chose this

no pressure tags: @moonchild9350 @jehhskz @lixies-favorite-cookie @seungfl0wer @dwaekkicidal @hyunebunx @seospicybin @starlost-mochi-x @starlostseungmin @quokkacidal @spookwyrdie & anyone else who wants to join🩷

Tag Game!

shuffle your “on repeat” playlist & list the first 10 songs.

from @calypsohan

Here are my current 10 biggest favourites :)

I tag: anyone who comes across this post and wants to hop on.

I would be especially curious to see what @jeonginsleftcheek and @hardcandythinking have as their favourites these days. Yeah I am vibin with Mette a lot these days and if you look into her, so will you.

[starlost-mochi-x]

chrome nails - hwang hyunjin

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

summary: hyunjin lets you do his nails

genre: fluff, idol! au, comfort, i know nothing about doing nails btw, crack at the end

a/n: hyunjin, just one chance, let me do your nails PLEASEEE

"Hyunjin, stay still-"

"I'm trying..."

You sigh and readjust yourself on the floorboards, trying not to jolt Hyunjin's slender, pretty hand, which is currently covered in several tiny smears of nail polish around his cuticles. He's whining as you tell him to stay still, and you fight a smile at the lilting, childlike tone in his voice.

Lifting the brush applicator, you carefully paint three, neat, dark strokes down his middle finger nail, working until you reach his pinky finger. Guiding his hand to the mini UV light you gifted for his birthday, you move to his other hand, before recapping the little glass bottle.

"What do you want drawn on them?"

Hyunjin smiles softly, his previous tantrum simmering down. "Anything you want. But it has to look super cool. I want Stay to see it."

You grin and get up, moving to the vanity, where you pull out a small case and return to Hyunjin's side. He's busy curing his other hand now, and he watches intently with a small smirk as you open the case. You pull out a tiny nail art brush, a bottle of silver chrome polish, and several metallic eyeshadows. You set them down in an orderly line and Hyunjin immediately moves to cheekily mess it up, rearranging the bottles and eyeshadows, the disorder now matching the rest of the room and the floor around you both.

There's a mess of different nail polish shades and tools scattering the floorboards, and you and Hyunjin half-lie down in the mess, limbs awkwardly positioned to avoid knocking anything over.

You carefully pull out his hand from the UV curer light and inspect each nail, gingerly tapping each one to check if the polish is dried. His nails are now a deep, solid black, the surface smooth and unmarred, and you smile in satisfaction at the neatness. His other hand's nails are just as perfect.

Picking up the chrome polish and thin brush, you detail tiny, Y2K style waves and lines over every second nail, leaving his thumbs. Hyunjin watches with an amused smile on his face as you meticulously refine each stroke with the tool, hand close to shaking with how focused you are. The room is quiet and silent, save for Hyunjin's slight shuffling as he waits for you to finish. You move to his other hand while he cures the first.

While he waits for his second hand to dry, you pick up one of your unused makeup brushes and brush a silvery eyeshadow from the top of each nail, creating an ombre effect on every other nail. You do a little for his thumb, leaving majority of the dark nail for the design you have in mind.

Brushing away the excess, you move to his other hand, and Hyunjin lets out a little 'ooh', apparently pleased with the style.

Smiling once more, you pick up the chrome and draw a tiny, silvery star on his thumbnails, writing 'STAY' in tiny, bold letters underneath. You detail the letters 'SKZ' on his middle fingers, curing them quickly before letting him inspect his digits. He kisses your forehead and tells you he loves them.

Later, both of you head to the JYP building, with Hyunjin saying that he needed to rerecord some of his lines for a song. As soon as he skips into the recording studio, he's excitedly shoving his nails into everyone's faces, wanting his members to see his new set, designed and created by you. Han lets out an enraged shriek, questioning why you're not on the stylist team, and you flush at the praise. Chan nods approvingly (though you suspect it's only because of the black element) and Felix and Changbin crowd around Hyunjin, fighting to see the chrome detailing, the smooth black polish, and the silvery stars and lettering that spell out 'SKZ' and 'STAY'.

You catch Minho's eyes, his eyebrows raised, and you grin just as you hold up your hands, where your nails are decorated the exact same.

a/n: every day i try to be loyal to chan and every day i fail (i'm sorry channie i still love you)

[starlost-mochi-x]

Hellooo!! I say your requests open and wanted to ask a changbin fluff basically remember the interview where he said he only uses body lotion on his face and the others were disguised? I want him to be in a relationship with the reader and for the reader to show him a few skincare products and do it in him xd the girlfriend effect is reall

that interview made me laugh so hard lol. the others' faces were priceless. also, i don't have a particular order for reader's skincare routine so yea. here you go, anon <3

lotion - seo changbin

pairing: seo changbin x reader

summary: you're doing your skincare, and decide to try it on changbin too

genre: fluff, non-idol! au, crack, skincare stuff, changbin tries to eat hand cream, not proofread please don't come for me

a/n: changbin, if you're reading this, please, for the love of stay, get rid of the body lotion

"Binnie, please don't eat that.."

"But it smells so good!"

You sigh for the fifth time and swipe the bottle of strawberry-scented hand cream out of Changbin's grip. He whines and flops onto the bathroom counter before climbing onto it completely. He plops down and surveys you, your face glowing with different products under the bathroom lights. You pick up your intense moisturizer and begin rubbing it into your skin gently. Changbin watches in fascination and slight irritation.

"Bunny, you do this every night," he whines. "Why can't you just skip it and go straight to bed?'

You sigh before picking up your acne cream and dotting it over your face.

"Because I want my skin to look really good."

Changbin pokes your cheek, smearing some of the cream. He surveys his fingertip with slight wariness before wiping it back onto your face with a grin. He doesn't respond this time, having given up n trying to persuade you to skip your skincare routine for the night.

Come to think of it, you haven't really seen your boyfriend using many skin products. While your side of the counter is scattered with different bottles, serums, and face creams, his side has hardly anything. Just a bottle of moisturizer, his shaving stuff, and his toothbrush. You glance at the bottle of his moisturizer before picking up your antibacterial facial serum. Focusing on your reflection, you lean closer to the mirror and carefully dispense a few drops of the serum onto each cheek. Changbin blinks in confusion.

"What's that for?"

You chuckle before setting the bottle down and using gentle motions to rub the serum into your skin.

"It's to stop breakouts on my skin," you pick up the bottle and show him, grinning devilishly as an idea pops into your head. "Do you want some?"

-

Ten minutes later, you've finally coaxed Changbin off the counter. You're now sitting in his spot, and he's standing between your legs, looking up at your face as you rub multiple different products into his skin (with some difficulty).

"Binnie, stop moving, you're going to spill it everywhere-"

"The body lotion works just fine though-"

You bonk him gently on the head with the tube of scented face cream you're using. A giggle escapes your mouth as you readjust the fluffy pink cosmetics headband on his head. Picking up the serum you were using earlier, you begin dispensing it onto his cheeks, rubbing it into the skin. He sighs and closes his eyes, his previous complaints forgotten. Setting the glass dispenser and bottle onto the counter with a small clink, you reach down to pull open one of the drawers and pull out a tube of chapstick.

Uncapping the tube, you carefully twist the bottom before applying it to Changbin's mouth. He pouts exaggeratedly, making a stupid face, and you laugh, leaning backwards.

Several things happen very fast.

Your head hits the mirror behind you with a small thud, making your hands fly to the back of your head. Changbin's hands go to your head too, concerned, checking you over for injury. You're both still laughing until you lose balance and grip the edge of the counter to steady yourself, knocking over Changbin's singular bottle of body lotion onto the tiled floor. The lid snaps off with a dull crack and the bottle bounces across the tiles, sending reverberating sounds echoing through the bathroom, mixing with your laughter. You stop laughing suddenly, smile fading.

The moisturizer is everywhere.

Changbin throws his head back and cackles. Some specks of the lotion have made its way onto his face, and onto yours too. There's a massive, sticky, vanilla-scented, puddly mess splattered over the tiles. Changbin turns to look at you.

"Oh, well," he says, still laughing. His eyes are crinkled at the corners.

You blink in shock. "I swear, Binnie, I didn't mean to- my hand, it just-"

Changbin cuts you off with another high-pitched laugh, smirking cheekily.

"Guess I'll have to use your lotion instead."

"No!"

a/n: comments, likes, reblogs appreciated <3

[starlost-mochi-x]

Low-key can I pls request Chris comforting reader on her period because I'm on my right now and I want him as my personal hot water bottle.

Thank you!!

omg first request!!

hopefully this meets your expectations hahah... i wrote reader having a really bad period... hopefully that's fine for you <3 feel better!

he comforts you on your period - bang chan

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: you're struggling with your period and chan helps you out

genre: fluff, non-idol! au, comfort, lil bit angsty. mentions of undressing, feeling nauseous & dizzy, cramps and period pain, reader has a period (obviously)

a/n: comments are appreciated... and whoever's reading this, feel better! and eat some dark chocolate <3

You groan for the fourth time as another debilitating cramp whacks you right in the gut, followed straight after by a dizzying wave of nausea. You're helpless to do anything but whine and writhe weakly on the bed, tangling the sheets and causing uncomfortable lumps of the blanket to pool up around you. It's too hot, too cold, too much pain, too sharp, too dull, never-ending.

You can't even call for Chan.

He's working from home today due to the severe weather, shut in his little studio down the apartment hallway. The rain clatters and thunders against the windows and balcony door, speckled with tiny crystal shards of hail ice. He's probably busy working away at some song while on call with the rest of 3RACHA. You can picture him busily writing down song lyrics in his notebook, headphones and black cap askew on his head, and hand messily smudging the dark, scented ink of his words on the page. His pretty, dark eyes shining, wide and focused as he does what he does best.

That pleasing mental image of your boyfriend is quickly chased away by another wave of nausea and you curl in on yourself, fighting the desperate urge to scream with whatever you have left. You didn't bother taking painkillers when the first cramp hit this morning, thinking you could muscle through it. Every time, you think you can handle the pain, and every time, you're proven completely and utterly wrong. And now you're immobilised on the bed, unable to do anything but face the bloody wrath of your monthly cycle.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Groaning, you shift achingly slowly to the side, trying to alleviate the pain. For a moment, you consider calling for Chan, but you doubt you'd be able to shout loud enough, and more so, you don't want to disturb him. The comeback is soon, and he was stressed enough at not being able to go to the company after seeing the state of the weather. He'd woken you up with a kiss, ordered breakfast to be delivered to the door, and disappeared, only pausing to throw on a hoodie and his usual cap. The studio door had shut and you had heard no more. He's been working all morning. He had said to try not to disturb him unless you really needed something, but you understood. He had a lot to do. But...

Biting your lip guiltily, and then wincing at the dull pain pooling in your stomach, you do your best to slide off the bed. It doesn't matter how much it hurts; you need painkillers. And right now, Chan can't afford to be distracted, so you muster up all of your strength to sit upright.

One foot touches the cold floor, and then the other. Both hands fly to your stomach and you double over, hair brushing your knees as you wait for the dizzying nausea to pass. It feels like you're being slammed in the gut with a sledgehammer set on fire. Attempting to regain your bearings, you sit up and wait for a few minutes. The pain dulls for a few moments and so does the headache, so you shakily stand, reaching for the wall in case your knees give out. Walking to the kitchen is a colossal effort, and a slow one at that too. The short walk down the hallway feels like a year.

Finally slumping against the counter, feet numb from the cold tiles, you take a glass from the dishrack and fill it halfway with water, spilling most of it on the counter in your hazy, aching state. Your vision is spotted with stars as you reach up on tiptoes and open the medicine cabinet to reach the painkillers.

You swallow two and move to make your way back to the bedroom. Turning, you're suddenly hit with the most awful, searing, intolerable pain. You jackknife to the floor, knees throbbing from the solid impact as they thud against the tiles. Leaning heavily on the cabinet, you rest your forehead against the cool, slightly chilled surface, and feel a liquid smearing onto the cupboard door. Pulling away slightly, you realise you're covered in a sheen of sweat. Your clothes stick uncomfortably to your body. It's too hot, too cold, too much pain, too sharp, too dull, never-ending but even worse than before.

Your breath comes in short, sharp gasps, every heave sapping your energy. Sagging forward, you rest your face against the cool tiles, trying to stay conscious. Your surroundings blur out, replaced with an unpleasant echoing ring and the sound of Chan's footsteps.

Chan's footsteps?

He's holding his drained waterbottle in one hand and his phone in the other, eyebrows furrowing as he reads some lyric notes he typed earlier. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he turns into the kitchen and is immediately met with the sight of you slumped on the floor, coated in sweat and curled up like a dying insect in the summer.

His eyes widen and he drops to his knees, phone clattering to the side and waterbottle clanging loudly. The sound makes you wince.

"Love? Hey-" his warm, calloused hands run over your shoulders, panicked and wide-eyed. "What happened?"

You can't even respond.

Chan swears a few colorful, fluent phrases as he stands and dashes down the hallway, returning with a damp rag. He gently but hurriedly mops the sweat off your forehead and nape before tossing it aside and carefully lifting you into his firm, toned arms. Deadlifting you from the floor, he carries you back to the bedroom and sets you down gently, pulling the rumpled covers back. He rushes out of the room for what feels like hours but is probably only a few minutes. Hurrying into the bedroom, he sets a few things down on the bedside before gently freeing you from your sweaty clothes.

In another scenario, you would be embarrassed, but right now you can't care less. It feels freeing and the cold air in the apartment seeps into your body, providing a welcome coolness. He lifts a hot water bottle and places it onto your lower stomach, tucking it slightly into the waistband of your underwear to keep it in place. He presses down lightly and you groan weakly, the heat providing almost immediate relief from the aching.

You don't register what happens after that; only the feeling of the damp cloth sweeping over your forehead and neck and Chan's warm, gentle touch keep you connected to consciousness. He begins to sing softly, lulling you into the heavy, dreamless sleep of the sick. HIs voice floats in the air like a wisp, light and airy and lilting, yet deep, accented, and rich. You gather all your remaining strength.

"Channie," you croak.

He looks up, brows knitted together in worry. He stops his ministrations, hand hovering over your shoulder.

Tears well in your eyes. Whether it's from the jumbled mess that the morning has been, the maelstrom of hormones, emotions and guilt in your system, the debilitating pain, or Chan's seemingly endless love, you're not entirely sure. Your voice is an almost inaudible whisper.

"I'm sorry i disturbed you. I went to take painkillers so i wouldn't disturb you because i know you're busy with the comeback-"

He cuts you off, expression gentle yet concerned. "I know i was busy, but you should have called me, love. Look at the state of you."

A hot tear spills down your cheek. "I'm sorry, Channie."

He shushes you, stroking your hair back from your forehead. "Don't apologise, yeah? If you need me, i'll come to you. Please don't ever feel that you're a bother to me or that you're disturbing me. Especially when it comes to things like this," he rubs your hipbone softly with his thumb, in soothing, relieving circles.

"Channie, can you cuddle me?"

He smiles softly. Pressing himself to your back, he bends his knees, spooning and tucking you into his chest. A surge of intoxicating warmth seeps pleasantly into your body and you sigh contentedly. His toned arm snakes around your waist, pressing the hot water bottle to your stomach so you don't have to hold it there yourself. Kissing your neck softly, he nuzzles into your shoulder, telling you to sleep and that he would be there when you wake up. It feels so warm, so cosy, so safe. But the guilt of having tore him away from his work doesn't slip your hazy, fatigued mind.

"Channie, i'm sorry for being a bother."

He exhales a small, sincere chuckle through his nose, tucking his head further into your shoulder.

"You're never a bother to me, love."

a/n: how'd i do? do we like it? likes, reblogs, comments are appreciated <3

[jeonginsleftcheek]

thank you for the tag @nxtt2-u & @catiuskaa 🫶🏻

pls i can't choose one bias i go through phases😩

i know not all of them are in the selfie but i just think that pic is passive-aggresively chaotic and i find that funny😩

no pressure tags: @moonchild9350 @lixies-favorite-cookie @jehhskz @fruityuncleskeletor @torialefay @starlost-mochi-x @seungfl0wer & any of my other mutuals or anyone who finds this fun🩷

tagged by @tamburins <3

my response is under the cut cus im doing this on laptop

tagging @flurrys-creativity @potatomountain @arafilez @moccahobi

[starlost-mochi-x]

day6 got a comeback~ what about reader and seungmin fangirling about it and listening to the album togheter?

...so the only reason i know day6 is because of lee know's 'love me or leave me' cover lol. also i know nothing about albums (can you tell) anyway here you go, anon <3

band aid - kim seungmin

pairing: kim seungmin x reader

summary: you and seungmin listen to the new day6 album together

genre: fluff, idol! au, seungmin and reader both love day6, not proofread i couldn't be bothered, sue me

a/n: comments, likes, reblogs appreciated <3 divider from @wonjuii

"Seung, the album arrived!"

There's a bang from down the hallway, the sound of what is most likely your boyfriend tripping, a muttered curse word, and then the padding of hurried footsteps as Seungmin makes his way down the corridor. He appears in the living room, dressed in a tee and shorts. His toothbrush is hanging out of his mouth as he hastily runs his hands through his hair, trying to make himself look presentable.

You laugh. "You didn't have to run. I would have waited."

He opens his mouth to speak, the toothbrush slipping out. It clinks against the floor and Seungmin groans, making his way to the kitchen for paper towels. Returning, he wipes away the toothpaste foam from the floorboards and glances at the DAY6 album in your hands. You sit down and gesture to him, grinning at his cutely disheveled morning state.

"Go and wash up first. I'll wait."

-

Ten minutes and two cups of coffee later, you and Seungmin are sitting in the bedroom cross-legged, the album between you. You glance at each other before Seungmin reaches to tear off the thin, shiny, protective plastic. He picks up the photobook and begins flipping through it while you reach for the CD. The words 'BAND AID' stand out in bold black lettering and you tilt the CD from side to side, admiring it, just as Seungmin whistles, showing you a photo from the photobook. The smell of glossy magazine-type paper fills the room and you grin just as Seungmin reaches for the lyric sheets.

The lyric sheets are always his favourite part. Once, you bought a Stray Kids album, and Seungmin had sat with you, even if he already knew what was inside. He'd immediately reached for the lyric sheets, reading over them with wide, fascinated eyes. You'd simply laughed and left him to his devices, deducing that he was simply fond of the poetic lyricism skills involved, being a talented singer himself. Every album since then, Seungmin had always claimed the lyrics. But you never minded, having shown more interest in the photocards and stickers anyway.

It was a win-win situation.

You grin and peel off a holographic sticker, picking up your phone and sticking it to the case. Handing the sheet to Seungmin, you laugh as he does the exact same, selecting one carefully, even going so far to put a similar sticker in the exact same position as yours on his own phone case.

Sifting through the various album paraphernalia, you and Seungmin lock eyes just as the two photocards appear from the pile. Taking one, you hand the other to your boyfriend face down. Locking eyes, you grin, a little apprehensively. Your bias is Sungjin. His bias is Dowoon. There's a good chance either you or him will pull your bias. Either that, or you'll fight over the photocards (Seungmin always lets you have the photocards anyway, so you're not too bothered). The tradition is to hold the photocards face down, and then count down from three before flipping them. Readjusting yourself in your cross-legged position, you grin.

"Three," you say. "Two. One."

You flip the photocards. Seungmin pulled Sungjin. You pulled Dowoon. There's a moment of stunned silence between the both of you before Seungmin screeches, lunging for the photocard of his bias, still in your grip. There's a brief kerfuffle of shrieking and flapping before Seungmin settles back into his spot, an iron grip on the little card of Dowoon. You grin, cheeks flushed from the sudden exertion, and look down at the card of Sungjin. You thump Seungmin on the shoulder.

"You could literally go and ask DAY6 themselves for a free album," you whine, reminding him. "No need to get so frantic about it."

"No."

You flop onto your back, gazing up at Seungmin as you lay your legs across his lap. "You're literally friends with your bias."

Seungmin sighs and slips the photocard into his phone case, glaring at you as you eye the card of Dowoon. He reaches across and puts his phone on the bed, out of your grasp. Just in case.

"Don't even think about it," he huffs.

You roll your eyes at his overdramatic behaviour. "You might as well join DAY6 at this rate. You own more of their albums than you do of your own group," you gesture to the bookshelf in the corner of the bedroom. True to your word, at least two of the shelves are filled with DAY6 merchandise and albums. Stray Kids' albums make up about half a shelf below them, and PuppyM is beginning to collect dust on the shelf.

Seungmin whines. "But I'm in Stray Kids."

"I thought you were in the building," you giggle as you pick up the album, yelping as it's snatched out of your grip.

"No," Seungmin grumbles, hugging the DAY6 album to his chest. "Seungmin in the album."

You laugh and thwack him in the chest, nimble fingers picking up the CD.

"Let's go listen to the tracks."

a/n: seungmin in the album yall

[starlost-mochi-x]

hello 🤗 saw that yours reqs are open and i was thinking about a anxious reader that can't sleep and is tired and changbin calming and lulling them to sleep

hello lovely anon ! ooo this is a good request. i didn't know if you wanted reader to be feeling anxious about something in particular, so i just did general worry and anxiety. enjoy <3

insomnia - seo changbin

pairing: seo changbin x reader

summary: you're struggling to fall asleep due to anxiety, but changbin is there to help.

genre: fluff, non-idol! au, comfort, reader struggles to fall asleep, mentions of anxiety, slight mentions of a panic attack

a/n: comments are appreciated <3

The night is cold.

Everything is perfect; outside is quiet, immured in the sheath of a late-night sky, there's no traffic outside the apartment, and the lights inside are off. The bedroom is dark, and at the perfect temperature. The hum of the AC sends cooling waves of chilly air over the room, contrasting with the warm duvet.

But you can't sleep.

Tossing onto your side for the fifth time, you huff frustratedly and almost whack Changbin in the process as you shift. He's fast asleep next to you, his face lit only by the dimmed purple and green lights emitting from the gaming setup in the corner. The bedsheets are tangled round his bulky frame, muscly arms splayed over your waist. His jet-black hair fans out messily against the stark white of the pillow. His mouth is slightly open, and he's lost in the deep, dreamless sleep of the utterly exhausted. He'd had a massive day at work, and had come home late at night and gone straight to sleep after quickly eating. He hadn't moved since collapsing onto the bed.

In the dim lights, you can just barely see him, and you pause to gaze at his face, highlighted in muted tones of violet and lime green. He looks so relaxed, so at peace.

You wish you could feel the same way.

Your brain is wide-awake, but you feel absolutely shattered. The anxiety and worry gnawing at the lining of your stomach isn't helping much either. A million thoughts race through your head, swirling and zooming and cluttering your mind. The storm rages and thunders until all you can hear is the deafening rush of your worries drowning you in a tidal wave of uneasiness and apprehension.

Turning to lie on your back, you gently pry Changbin's arm off your waist, laying it carefully by his side. You trace a little pattern on his arm before pulling away and clenching your hand in a fist by your side. The last thing you want to do right now is wake him up.

Blinking to try and clear your mind, you try to think of a logical solution to your worries. But it's like your rationality has ceased to exist, throwing you further into the raging storm. No matter what you do, it doesn't feel like it'd help at all. You think you've run through almost every possible but useless solution to your problem by the time the LED clock on the bedside table hits midnight. Nothing is working, nothing will help.

Exhaling harshly through your nose, you throw off the duvet and shiver as your bare feet hit the cold floor. You tuck the blanket into the crook of Changbin's arm so he doesn't feel your absence in his sleep. You hear him grunt softly in his sleep and tug the blanket closer.

Once you're sure he won't wake up, you creep to the window and sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall. The night is cool and serene, and you close your eyes, envisioning yourself becoming part of the night sky, a symbol of peace and tranquility. You shiver again, more intensely this time, as the cold begins to seep into your bones beneath your thin nightclothes. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you take a shaky breath, trying to keep it together.

Why can't I just fall asleep? Why can't I stop worrying?

The more you question yourself, the more your anxiety increases. It peaks and takes a firm hold of your mind, gripping it and squeezing until all that is left is a mess of uncontrollable chaos and jumbled thoughts. You don't even realise when your breathing begins to speed up and you cover your mouth, desperately trying not to make noise. The storm thunders wildly in your head, pounding and raging, and you feel yourself falling into the deep abyss, perhaps forever. Never to be found again, like a sinking stone at the bottom, of a deep, dark, cold, lonely ocean.

It's too much it's too much it's too much-

You feel a pair of strong, warm arms wrap around your torso. You gasp like you've been lifted out of the ocean you were drowning in. Changbin's arms are a life ring, floating you back upwards, helping you break the surface with a heavy, gasping breath that makes you slump into his chest with a choked sob.

"Binnie," you cry weakly, clinging to him.

He shushes you gently, rocking back and forth with you in his arms. His big, warm hand rubs soothing circles on your back as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, hushing you and carefully bringing you down from the panic.

He keeps gently rocking like that, and you close your eyes against his chest, relishing his warmth. Your tears stain salty tracks down your face and seep into the material of his shirt, but Changbin doesn't mind. He kisses your forehead lightly and whispers an "i love you" in your ear before picking you up gently and taking you to bed. The warmth of the bedsheets and the heat from Changbin's body as he tucks you into his chest slowly lull you to sleep.

The storm finally settles.

a/n: for anyone who has anxiety or similar conditions, feel better ! i tried to write this as accurately as possible, and i based the panic attack off a personal experience i had. everyone's different but i hope this helped. thank you anon <3

[starlost-mochi-x]

lee know - skz fluff headcanons

pairing: lee know x reader

summary: lee know headcanons

genre: fluff, idol! au, comfort, general fluff headcanons, i'm calling him minho bc it's easier to type sorry not sorry

a/n: posting for the first time in a while. divider from @plutism

masterlist

we all know how much minho loves his dancing

so he'll often drag you to the studio to teach you some moves

since you're into stray kids as a whole, you're often trying to learn the choreo

it helps when your boyfriend is the one who helps make it lol

so whenever he can

he's teaching you the moves and how to make them look fluid

you're bored? studio. you just woke up? studio. it's the middle of the night and you can't sleep?

studio

he also likes performing the choreo for you so he can get your feedback

doesn't matter if you're a dancer or not

he just likes doing it for you so he can get another perspective on how he can do better

of course, it's not always helpful because you're always so enthusiastic and think he's amazing at it

he doesn't mind though, as long as you're happy

will tease you when you try and execute the movements like he does with varying levels of success

actually, when i think of it, i think he would love teaching you because it helps him understand the routine better

sometimes even drags you along to the group practices so you can give little opinions and try the moves yourself

likes watching his members show you how to move your arms in legs in a particular position

but he does get a bit irritated when hyunjin gets a little too close to you

airfryer

minho also loves cooking, we all know him as the chef of skz

and you're often hungry at night time for some reason

so you usually just roll over in bed and lightly shake him awake

he'll carry you to the kitchen and sit you down on the counter before turning a nearby lamp on

you might tell him what you're craving or tell him to just surprise you

one night it might be ramen, another it might be a simple sandwich

but whatever he makes for you, it's always really tasty and you have a little tradition of splitting it in half so he can eat too

he doesn't have much of an appetite at night time but he eats his half anyway to make you happy

you always feel super sleepy afterwards so you just let him carry you back to bed

he'll just wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your neck

he's out within a minute

he likes waking up early too, and just breathing you in next to him, fast asleep

for him, it's the highest form of vulnerability

trusting him to be around you when you're unconscious

he's honoured and it's not a surprise when you wake up to see him sleepily smiling next to you

also i feel like he sniffs a lot in the mornings

like he's a sniffy boy when he wakes up

anyways

minho loves anything cosy and warm

he's a whole cat

so expect lots of blanket forts and plush cushions in your living room

you two like collecting knitted blankies and little plush toys cos it makes for super cosy nights in

you could get home at the end of the day and just see him up to his neck in plushies and cushions

usually with a blanket all balled up next to him so the cats can share it

and he's usually asleep too after a long day at the company

so you just collapse into the fluffy mess next to him and take it easy

you and minho also have a friendly competition of who can come up with the most pet names

knowing how teasing this man is, he'll be coming up with the most disgustingly cringy sweet nicknames

he'll say one out of the blue and you'll fire right back, equally as saccharine

then it's usually a back and forth to see how unhinged it'll get

'honey pie' 'sweet pookums' 'fluffy wuffy cupcake' 'my darling toenail' and so forth

they just get more and more ridiculous and by the end of the back-and-forth you're both fighting not to throw up

still funny tho

despite the teasing, minho is the sweetest guy you've ever known

also so supportive of your dreams and ambitions

he also encourages you to talk about your feelings with him

if you're the trusting type, great

but if you're a little more wary, he'll gently encourage you to open up

but he never pushes you beyond your limits, since he hates being pushed past his boundaries himself

that's the thing about minho

he knows what he hates and so he doesn't tend to do those things to other people

he doesn't like it when people ask him why he's quiet sometimes and so he doesn't ask you the same thing

he just sorta knows

he's also very gentle with you in private, always making sure you're comfortable

around the guys he'll be a lot more teasing but you don't mind

in turn, you encourage him to do the same

you know some people call him cold or heartless

it often affects him when he feels he can't convey his feelings about you as well as he wants to

you know he means well and you know he loves you

he's very clear about that

so whatever he gives you, whether it's a little gift or a compliment or even just physical affection, you accept it

and it must be enough because he always gets all smiley

you know his little smile? yeah, that one

he compliments you? you'll thank him happily and he starts getting that little shy smile on his face

it's so cute so you make sure to be as open as you can towards him

there's nothing you both love more than each other <3

a/n: legend says hyunjin is still in the airfryer

[starlost-mochi-x]

raspberries - hwang hyunjin

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

summary: hyunjin comforts you after a long, painful day

genre: idk!au, soft hyunjin, really angsty, comfort, fluffy, sad, reader is depressed and is having a tough time, mention of throwing up, mentions of eating and ed, please be safe, and remember that you are loved

a/n: sad :( also requests open

You storm through the front door, almost tripping over before tugging off your shoes and slamming the door shut. Huffing, and on the verge of tears, you trudge down the hallway, every single step aching with a week's worth of disappointments, one after the other.

Entering the bedroom, you throw yourself on the bed, rolling over. Tugging off your work shirt, you groan and run tired, aching hands through your hair, just before the nauseating sense of overwhelm sets in.

You bury your face in the bedding and cry.

.

"Love, I'm home," Hyunjin calls from the doorway.

He's busy kicking off his shoes, about to leave them in their haphazard position on the floor, before he notices something. Your own shoes are strewn messily in the gangway, something that normally never happens.

Hyunjin can recall hundreds of times when you'd made him retrace his steps to the door and put his shoes away neatly in the cupboard. It was a familiar and somewhat comforting routine (though a little unnecessary, Hyunjin thinks).

He frowns before picking each shoe up and putting them carefully in the cupboard. Satisfied, he begins moving through the hallway, before quickly retracing his steps and putting his own footwear meticulously into the cupboard next to yours.

Hyunjin moves through the house, peeking into each room, trying to find you. He pokes his head into the bedroom, immediately noticing your spreadeagled state. He chuckles before moving to your dazed form, lying face down on the mattress.

Hyunjin pokes your side. Nothing.

He figures you're asleep before his hand moves to your hair, ruffling it gently. You let out a muffled whine and shake your head, batting his hand away.

Retracting his hand in surprise and mild confusion, Hyunjin peers down at you as you raise your head. His brow furrows in concern as your eyes meet his.

You look miserable.

Lowering his voice, Hyunjin kneels by the bed, cooing softly.

"Hi," he says quietly. "What happened, my muse?"

A fresh wave of tears fills your eyes and you choke back a cry, mouth parting in distress. Hyunjin is immediately next to you, tugging you gently into his lap, rocking back and forth. Sweet nothings and whispered reassurances leave his mouth in a steady, comforting stream, but his usually soothing voice does nothing to calm your frazzled nerves.

It's all too much.

You sob like a child, leaning into Hyunjin. He notices with some worry how your shoulders are tightening in anxiety, and your hands that are balled into fists, clutching his shirt. Like you don't want him to leave, like he might disappear at any given moment.

You don't know how long it's been before your sobs quieten down. Hyunjin is still rocking you gently, kissing the crown of your forehead every now and then. You raise your head and look at him with red, puffy, exhausted eyes, cheeks streaked with hot, sticky tears.

Hyunjin smiles warmly at you regardless, seemingly not minding the large, soaked patch on his white shirt or the mess you've made of your hair and face. The adoring look in his eyes makes you want to cry and sob into him for another hour. It feels like it's been an hour.

At least, your current feelings are so overwhelming that you can do nothing but open your mouth, staring up at Hyunjin like he's the cure. But the usual, pretty, princely smile doesn't penetrate your heart with a beam of sunlight, and the sky outside feels so much dimmer. Everything feels lonely, like you're a sinking stone, trapped under the cool, dark, icy surface, chilled to the bone.

Like you're watching everything going on above water, where there is warmth and smiles and laughter and compassion, while you sink to the bottom of the deep, dark ocean, heavy and burdened and forgotten.

Hyunjin has been speaking for the last few minutes, his voice careful and soft, but you haven't been listening, too occupied with the numbing, aching feeling settling unpleasantly in the pit of your gut. An uncomfortable cloud of guilt settles over your head, sinking into your being and infusing through your skin like the cloying, sharp scent of cheap perfume.

Your head begins to swirl with a mass of racing thoughts, so fast you can't even comprehend. You feel like you're being squeezed, the life draining out of you, the edges of your vision blurring and darkening.

It's not enough. You're not enough, nothing will ever be good enough, no wonder people don't like you, why can't you just be normal, why can't you just be normal-

"Love, you need to breathe, okay? In and out for me, come on. You can do it."

He sounds so far away...

"Jinnie," you choke out, heaving. Tears stream down your stained cheeks.

"I'm here, I'll always be here, okay?"

You shake your head, sobbing. Your hands are tingling but you can vaguely feel something solid and warm against your palm. Looking up with a tremendous amount of effort, you notice Hyunjin pressing your palm to his heart. Through a haze of tears, you can feel the steady, solid thrum of his heart against your tingling, shaking fingertips.

"You're safe, okay? I'm gonna stay right here with you, just breathe in and out, you can do it, love. You're doing so well."

You choke in a heaving breath and Hyunjin coos encouragingly, still rocking you gently in his lap. Your breathing begins to even out, albeit extremely slowly.

Hyunjin doesn't let go.

.

You wake to something cold and damp being swiped gently across your face. Spluttering, you shove it away before sitting bolt upright, immediately regretting it as you feel the strength pour out of your body in a dizzying wave.

Hyunjin pushes you to lie back gently against the pillows, picking up the damp cloth and continuing to wipe gently at your stained, sticky cheeks and nose. You flush, feeling a bit pathetic, but he doesn't seem to care. His voice is soft.

"You fell asleep again, so I laid you down. What happened, hmm?"

You sniffle. "Everything is a mess."

Hyunjin nods understandingly, cooing as your hands come up to gently clutch at his wrist. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

You shake your head, even that simple motion feeling like a test of ultimate strength. And you're losing the battle.

Hyunjin lets out a soft noise, gesturing to the bedside. "That's okay. Whenever you're ready, my muse. I just want you to drink water and eat something, and then we can do whatever you want."

You sniff and look to your right. On the bedside is a bottle of water, a hydration sachet, a couple of painkillers, and a little bowl of something fresh and red.

You look at Hyunjin, voice croaky. "Raspberries?"

He smiles, nodding. "Bought them this morning. It'll help you feel better, they're really good."

"Jinnie-"

"You need to eat something, okay?" Hyunjin's voice is soft but firm. "Please. It'll help, I promise. You've been running on fumes lately."

You look away guiltily, feeling a bit sick. Hyunjin's long, slender fingers come up to your face, the other holding one of the little berries.

You sigh and relent, chewing slowly on the fruit. And he's right. They are really good.

Hyunjin smiles proudly, like you've done something incredibly amazing. Ruefully, you think that in his eyes, you probably have. And it makes you feel just a tiny bit better inside.

He kisses your forehead. "I'm going to get changed, and then we can watch a movie or cuddle, or do whatever you want, okay?"

You nod silently, exhausted.

Hyunjin leaves and shuts the bathroom door, leaving you with the bowl of little red fruits. You eat slowly, nibbling, not wanting it all to come back up. Every movement is an effort, but slowly, you feel your strength ebbing back in tiny, flowing rivers.

The sky outside lightens, just a little.

a/n: *incoherent sobbing* *sniff sniff*