#i explained it like this to my sister: | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

natjennie · 11 months ago

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i think mostly we as a culture need to stop pretending media is for us and instead recognize that it's for the people making it. "the show didn't do the thing I wanted it to" is so not the point. did it do what the people making it wanted it to do? did it tell the story they were trying to tell? than it was successful. if that doesn't align with what you wanted to happen, don't get up in arms about it. don't badmouth the creators and throw a tantrum. that's what fan works are for. the text is the text, and it told the story it was telling. you wouldn't be like "ugh shakespeare is insane for act v btw like there was no reason for juliet to kill herself she should've just waited and then her and romeo could have been together wtf this ruined the whole play" like no!!! the themes were there the set-up was there the foreshadowing was there shakespeare did what he intended to. just because it wasn't a happy ending and just because you thought it should've went differently doesn't mean it was bad. read a fic where juliet lives and move on.

#this is about ghosts but honestly fandom in general #stop pretending the creators of things owe you certain story lines. they're making it not you #i explained it like this to my sister:#imagine you're reading a book and there are sort of hints and scenes that you take to interpret a character as gay #you cite quotes and talk about the themes and the impact of your interpretation #and then at the end of the book the character comes out as asexual.#and then a lot of those scenes and quotes that you were using as evidence for your interpretation-#now they could be construed to have been pointing towards them being ace all along #just because it wasnt the end you fabricated in your head based on your understanding of the hints #doesn't mean it wasnt always the writers plan from the beginning.#AND it doesnt mean you can't keep imagining a world where they're gay instead #it just means that the writer was leaving those clues to point you towards the ending #and you interpreted the clues differently #bbc ghosts #ghosts spoilers #bc like. if last resort was the ending #you could 'read' the whole series with the understanding that they weren't going to leave the house #and the foreshadowing would add up #but now with the special. you can go back and 'read' the series with the understanding that they leave #and it still all adds up. the foreshadowing was there it just meant something different than you thought.#stories have beginnings middles and ends #you predetermined the ending while still in the middle and got mad when you weren't right.#does that make sense?

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maxgicalgirl · 9 months ago

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Being a “Fun Fact !” kind of autistic is all fun and games until you get halfway through sharing an interesting tidbit and realize that it probably wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company and now you have to deal with the consequences :(

#autism #neurodivergent #adhd #fun facts #GOD I’m such an idiot #anyways now a 10 year old is out there looking up swear words online and it’s all my fault :(#I got so excited by the fact that I knew a fun fact #that I didn’t stop to think that maybe not everyone knows that fun fact for a reason :(#it’s like explaining how to successfully bury a body at a book club #or explaining the dangers of Scientology to your sister’s boyfriend the first time you meet him #or debating gay sex positions with your best friend in front of your mom #no matter how much I wish to be a beacon of knowledge in this world #sometimes there are things others just don’t want to know #and consciously that’s valid but the autism ? I does not care

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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gert-the-disaster · 4 months ago

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what’s the matter is he stupid?? (haha did this fnaf challenge cause it looked real funny)

og image 🤘

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catmask · 5 months ago

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my sister texted me smthing going on at home thats making me sad but im trying not to think about it and stay whimsical. its fursona friday..... its fursona feidayyyy...

#not unexpected just like. transphobia. u know the deal #her bf came to visit and my family wont call me my name which is what he knows me by #so now she has to like explain to him that im trans....#she was trying to be respectful and let me do it if i felt the need to #but basically texted me distraught like 'im so sorry i dont know why they cant just be respectful to you its not fair'#i love my sisters i wish that none of us had to go through this anymore #her bfs chill too like he knew me as 'allies gay older brother' (#(close enough) so i dont think this will b an issue for him Or them ots just like. Man.

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sanguinewolves · 2 years ago

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ppl will say “i hate being seen with you in public because you stand funny and wear your headphones all the time and talk too loud” and then get all defensive when you say thats ableist

#ppl being my sister #like explain to me again how thinking my visible autistic traits are inherently embarrassing is not ableist?#she also said that autistic people in general are annoying #again while getting upset when i said that was ableist #i even word it really carefully so she cant accuse me of saying that she is ableist #but no the girl is just aggressively against admitting she has any kind of bias at all ever #autism #actually autistic #autistic #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #adhd #autism/adhd #actuallyautistic #actually adhd #neurodivergence #autistic experiences #tw ableism

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try-set-me-on-fire · 8 days ago

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The thing about it is that I watch 911/Dr Odyssey/Grey’s Anatomy with most of my household now and when 911 is bad you’re embarrassing me in front of my family. Tim. Tim can you hear me

#911 spoilers #I haven’t watched yet this just sounds like an episode that if I were watching on my own #I would be skipping around just to the buck scenes #but now I have to sit here for an hour and explain to my mother and sister that I do actually have good taste #no matter what this dumbass show may indicate

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ghostyyboii · 20 days ago

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Uhhh hi five pvp civ fans sorry I was being cringe

#I'm lowkey scared to post my art #Like I post all the time on other platforms but tumblr?#I haven't posted my own art since January eugh #Honestly wouldn't post this if my sister didn't tell me to #I put so much thought into some things that just got covered up #I'm gonna make a video explaining it #pvp civilization #pvp civ spoilers #evbo #mcyt #pvp evbo #fanart #my art #digital art #art #artists on tumblr #evbo fanart

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crocuta1 · 3 months ago

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Marie's Spinosaurus 💔💔💔💔

I haven't decided if I like the name Calzone or Hot-pocket for maries spino :/. WHICH ONE SUITS HIM BETTER GUYS......

#splatoon #marie cuttlefish #marie splatoon #squid sisters #agent 3 #captain 3 #agent 8 #craig cuttlefish #captain cuttlefish #smallfry #spinosaurus #spinosaurus aegyptiacus #spinosauridae #paleoart #artists on tumblr #im going to try to explain my reasoning for giving callie and marie the dinosaurs i did jsjsjsjsks #So do you know how Callie is a roller main and Marie mains Chargers?#well #I compared each dinosaurs hunting style to both of there suited method of turf war #callie gets a t rex because they are oportunistic hunters and strike with powerful bites #like when you swing the roller horizontally #and marie gets a spinosaurus because they are thought to have been ambush predators #they would have to have been patient and it takes a lot of patients to use a charger #sorry if this sounds like ramblings of insanity i just want to explain my thought process 😭😭😭

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jamandjazz · 12 days ago

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My personal headcanon is that Pony got his love for reading from Darry. When Darry was in high school he’d read the books he got in class out loud to Ponyboy and straight up just handed him some of the easier ones so they could talk about it later. In my brain the reason Ponyboy clings onto it so much is because it’s one of the things he and Darry REALLY bonded over when he was a kid and it just brings back good memories of when they got along better.

#he begged Darry to keep reading ‘just one more chapter’#one of his favorite memories is reading an entire book one day with Darry #this comes from me and my siblings ngl #my sister used to hand me books she liked and told me to tell her all of my thoughts on it #she was REALLY happy I read above my grade level enough that I could talk to her about it #and I read the books out loud to my brother bc he CANT read above grade level #I have a five year age gap with my sister and a five year age gap with HIM #so like #the books r pretty complicated #today he was mad I didn’t wanna finish reading the book to him which was so cute #the downside to having to read out loud is my voice gets tired #but the bright side is I get to explain everything he doesn’t understand in depth and it’s a #well I wouldn’t say BETTER bonding experience bc I love my sister #but it’s different #more…. connected ig #damn I’m yapping a lot #just imagine it’s all abt pony and Darry #that’s why he read out loud to Johnny #it’s like something he thinks of as an ultimate bonding experience #guys trust #they’re besties #the outsiders #the outsiders 1983 #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #the outsiders hcs

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jade-len · 4 months ago

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dude i sound fucking insane trying to explain why a borderline insane bipolar manipulative two-faced vengeful maniac manwhore tyrannical domestic terrorist demonic emperor is my pathetic poor little meowmeow and how much i wanna put him in a warm blankie as i read him a nice bedtime story

#i wanna. put him in a jar and shake him #i explained all of this to my sister btw #not to mention i want him to cry and sob like a little pathetic slu #i did not say that to her #dont worry #luo binghe #luo bingge #original luo binghe #svsss #mxtx svsss #pidw

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shorthaltsjester · 5 months ago

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"And you loved her once, too. You were inseparable. I remember the day the Featheringtons moved in across the square. From that day on, it was, “Penelope this,” and “Penelope that,” and “Penelope and I are going to read Don Quixote, and we are going to be knights.”"

Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton // We're In Love by boygenius

#she is to be your sister #there is a time when that would've been your dream #me writing a dissertation explaining the metaphorical karaoke that is eloise taking part in the social season the year that she is without #penelope and the year that penelope has started actively seeking a husband. do you get it. lady whistledown pays attention to society #and eloise scorned and heartbroken only readily walks into it when shes lonely and missing the friend who writes about society.#anyway. it makes sense to me . this is just an expression of the rot so I can try and fuckin. do my job instead of thinking about this #fictional lesbian who keeps falling in love with her friends without realizing it because she doesn't know about lesbianism.#bridgerton writers you are torturing her!!#eloise bridgerton #penelope featherington #peneloise #bridgerton #eloise & penelope #constantly thinking about colin essentially calling out his sister for being in love with his wife #and then whiffing it by saying or something like. lets think on that one colin #rent the musical voice “sisters?” “we're close”

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bisaster-energy · 9 months ago

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woe kuwameshi meme be upon ye