#i even apologized for it being kinda tmi and he was like oh I don’t care lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluecloudious · 4 years ago

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Kinda angst I guess (but it has Zanaz so take that with a grain of salt)

Trying out writing a story this time.

I mean, yeah, I wrote for the comics, but not long dialog.

So yea, as per both the funni boys mature content warning. (There's no canoodling, there is talk of it tho.)

Also there's quite a bit of text (8 pages worth on Word)

So ye:

“Get up, I have some juicy gossip for you.”

...What?

I open my eyes and the world around me is blinding. It’s so bright that it takes a second to adjust to it. There’s nothing around me other than vast white and empty space.

This definitely isn’t Nevada anymore. (Unless Hank managed to ruin everything even further somehow.)

“Get up now, I know you heard me.”

I get up and look around. Who the hell is talking? There’s literally nothing but white for miles.

“I’m in your head, pretty boy.”

Uh, that…

“I’m holding my eyes closed, don’t worry. I regret ever having them open in here, in fact.”

Welp, that answers that. Now for the other question.

“Who I am is not important. What info I have, may be of interest, though.”

Alright?

“There’s a deal attached to this knowledge, Zanaz. Hear me out before you start fidgeting.”

I’ll sure try.

“You know Kits, right?”

No duh, he’s my best friend.

“Excellent. He’s going to die soon.”

…

What?! Wha, when, how, uh--

“Calm down, jitterbug. There’s nothing you can do to stop his fate, so don’t try. If he doesn’t die one way, another thing will go wrong. Understand?”

I-- NO! What the fuck?! Are you gonna kill him?!

“No, not me. I’m just sharing the news.”

Yeah, right, sure. Fucking… When then?

“Soon.”

How soon? In a month, week or a few days?

“Hm… A month then, give or take.”

...Fuck… How?

“Depends on what leads up to it.”

So, there are a lot of different ways it can happen, right?

“Indeed there are.”

...Do I die with him?

“No.”

NO?! In none of the different variations, I don’t die by his side?

“Oh, you can be by his side, of course. But death isn’t after you.”

What if I try to block a bullet, but it goes through both of us.

“Oddly specific. You’ll still survive.”

What if I block it with my head?!

“Brain damage, possible vegetable state. Will still survive though.”

What if Hank slices us with one of his multiple katanas?!

“People have lived through being sliced in half before.”

WHAT.

“This world has zombie clowns with god like powers and the AAHW is lead by a man consisting of black fire.”

...Ugh, fair enough. So… Wait those are all possible deaths for him?

“If you do everything in your power for it to happen, then yes.”

I… I can kill him before his time?

“Of course! You have free will, don’t you? It’s more of a question if you want to.”

Of course I fucking don’t! I care about him!

“I saw. You daydream about him an uncomfortable amount.”

He’s the main person I’m around, give me a break!

“Have you ever considered not being horny?”

Until I’m castrated, there’ll be nothing of the sorts.

“You’re not even fertile! None of the clones are!”

You think I’m tryna get anyone pregnant at this sausage fest? Besides, that has not stopped me before.

“I refuse to believe that any of those scenes I saw play out in your head happened for real.”

You’d be surprised then.

“WHICH?!?”

Those are for me to treasure.

“...You’re pulling my leg.”

Believe what you want.

“Augh, never mind, TMI. Back onto the topic at hand.”

Oh, yeah, right. Kit… Dying…

Could you for real not give me a date?

“If it depends on the circumstances beforehand, then there’s no possible way to tell which one belongs to this timeline.”

And that means…?

“I don’t know how this Kits dies.”

Can I at least warn him?

“Well, there’s where the other side of the deal comes in. If you tell him, then the effect kicks in immediately.”

What effect? Death?

“Precisely.”

...Ah. Wait, so if I don’t tell him, he dies in a month but if I do, he dies immediately? Of what?

“Stroke, heart attack or brain aneurysm. Chosen at random. Oh, also sneak assassination. That’s also a valid option.”

...This feels set up.

“Mh?”

This feels like either you or whoever sent you here set this up so I’d suffer. You enjoy the pain of others, don’t you?

“I’m only the messen--”

Yeah, yeah, Messenger Bullshit. Then whoever decided this is probably a reality tv producer, who is jacking off to someone pushing in the soft part of a baby’s skull as we speak. You encourage such behaviour by working with them, ya know.

“...Do you think you sound smart?”

I know for a fact I’m not, so no. I’m pretty sure I’m on the money with this one though.

“If I wasn’t here then Kits’ death would come as a surprise to you though!”

I’d prefer that, actually! Now I have to deal with knowing that he… He… Won’t be here anymore soon.

“Well, knowing how overwhelmingly perverted you are, wouldn’t you wanna grab this opportunity?”

...What?

“Shoot your shot, ask him out. Not like you could do it with a corpse… …Right…?”

I may be horny, but I’m not messed up.

“Had to make sure.”

Ugh, you’re just making fun of me, aren’t you?

“Which instance are you referring to?”

Kit would never date me.

“And why exactly do you think that?”

He has standards?

“You’re a decently handsome fellow. You also get along with him just fine.”

That… That’s not a determinant of shit like that. There’s way better out there for him.

“He won’t meet em then. Only a month to live, remember?”

I… It’s not worth it.

“What isn’t?”

I know he’ll say no, there’s no point in trying.

“How do you know for sure until you actually ask?”

Cause it’s obvious! He’s actually got a brain in his noggin and he knows me way too well! He’d be fucking disgusted, man! We’re just friends and that’s that.

“Do you not want to then?”

...Why do you assume I do? How do you know that those aren’t just blissful fantasies like the rest of them?

“He’s the only one that you dream of in a non-perverted way. I see no other person in this graphic landscape that you want to hold hands with. (Also, I am closing my eyes again now, Jebus Christoff.)”

...Ffffuck.

“Well, did hit the nail on the head?”

Y-You’re stupid and gay!

“I’m rubber, you’re glue.”

That doesn’t affect me, I’m already openly gay and stupid!

“I guess we’re both such then.”

Dammit.

“So, you gonna give him a month to remember or not?”

…Eh?

“Come on, how much romance could a member of the A.A.H.W. really experience throughout their lifetime? If you’d make this month worth his and your own time, perhaps it would be less painful to see him go? At least he died happy?”

THAT WOULD BE EXTRA PAINFUL FOR ME, THOUGH!

“Oop, Zanaz selfish, you heard it here first, folks.”

That’s not what I meant. I’d already be upset over losing my best friend, imagine how fucking devastating losing a sweetheart would be.

“…I dunno, still sounds selfish to me. Does his happiness not mean anything to you?”

Who says he’d be happy with me?

“I know you want to make him happy, at least. You dream about his smile.”

STOP FUCKING LOOKING THOUGH MY THOUGHTS!!

“I’m not looking anymore, I just memorized the ones I already saw. (I wish I couldn’t.)”

I- You- Fucking-- UggHHH! It’s not worth it!

“What exactly do you imagine will happen if you tell him how you feel, huh? World combusts?”

I already told you, he already knows way too much about me! He’d be fucking grossed out and we’ll… We’ll stop being friends.

He’d quicken his pace whenever we’d have to pass each other in one of the halls. He’d desperately keep his glance away from me. He’d… I’d stop being the main person he talks and comes to company for a-and I can’t fucking have that, man!

I-I wouldn’t be able to handle it. He means too much to me.

“…I had no idea you were this insecure.”

FUCK OFF! It’s a bitter reality that I’ve come to accept!

“You haven’t even given it a shot!”

You don’t need to get crushed by a piano to know you’d die on impact!

“Those two things don’t correlate even remotely!”

It’s a metaphor!

“I know that, I’m saying that Kits has a thing for you too!”

…He what?

“He has major league crush on you! The things you say when play-flirting excite him! He’s gotten off to the thought of you touching him up! The works! (Why did I word it like that?)”

Whuh-- How the fuck do you know this??

“While you were monologuing, I visited his subconscious and confirmed it for myself.”

You can do that??

“You don’t even know my name.”

...Fair nuff. So, wait, he’s actually gotten off thinking about me?

“I don’t even need to open my eyes to already know you’re imagining it. Short answer, yes. He’s into you, Zanaz.”

Augh, I dunno what to do with this info. It’s kinda... Overwhelming in a way.

Actually, wait, how do I know you haven’t been lying to me this whole time?

“I’m an incorporeal voice in your head that’s having a back and forth with you in a white void.”

Yeah, and?

“…I’m supernatural?”

Yeah, and?

“Come on! I just know, okay?!”

Sounds fake, not gonna lie.

“The part where I knew that Kits was gonna die was convincing, but the moment I mention that he might have a thing for you, you question the validity of my claims thus far??”

One sounds way more far-fetched than the other, you gotta admit.

“NO IT DOESN’T?!?!”

For you maybe! I’ve known him since I’ve been out the cloning tube! We became agents together! I think I’d know what kinda stuff is off the table for him, buddy.

“Well, not only are you wrong, you’re in denial.”

I am not!

“Then try it! Just attempt asking him out! In the very least, you’ll remain friends after. I promise you. Cross my heart and all that jazz.”

…

…You’re absolutely positive? You are also the person that told me he’d die in a month’s time.

“A hundred percent positive. I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

You have a life?

“Unfortunately. So, you’ll do it?”

Why’re you so adamant about me fucking Kits?

“Affgdgfdgfg, it’s not about you fucking him, it’s you making his last living month worthwhile!”

Okay, so, why do you want me to do that?

“…Do you not??”

I mean, I guess that sounds worth my time. But you didn’t answer my question.

“Sorry for assuming that you want the person you’re madly in love with to be happy, I guess??”

Apology accepted. Now, how do I get outta here?

“Ugh, just wake up.”

Whu--

And I’m sitting up in my own mat, back at the facility. The clock shows that it’s early morning.

What the fuck do I make of what I just saw? Or heard, for that matter? It clearly wasn’t a normal dream, I never remember those. Plus the topic tends to blur together usually.

I gotta tell-- Wait, I can’t do that, fuck.

…

It’s way to early for shit like this, man!!

Augh…

#It's got pictures <:)#OC #Madness combat #I took my time with this one and like how it came out #Augh I had to even edit the text and shit on Tumblr...#I be like *gives Zanaz even more personality*#KitZan

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thebellekeys · 4 years ago

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I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

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somerpmemes · 4 years ago

Text

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist S1 Starters

Change as needed. More under the cut.

“Quick question: do you always have to play and sing your music that loud?”

“Why are you up so early anyways?”

“Oh, I didn’t go to bed.”

“So, you’re ready for this?”

“I just really don’t wanna screw this up.”

“Keeping it lean for the ladies.”

“I need to expand my horizons.”

“It was literally all you.”

“Now is not the time to be modest.”

“Let’s face it, the woman’s a narcissist.”

“Work your magic, feel the glory, in it to win it.”

“Well I’m not really comfortable with anything.”

“Alright, who wants some freshly delivered, slightly cold, mediocre pizza!”

“Could we maybe open a window or something?”

“They’re not that scary.”

“Are you sure this isn’t an elaborate teleportation device that will take me to an alternate universe?”

“I just wanna get this over with.”

“Is this supposed to be happening?”

“That sounds really sad.”

“Why are you singing right now?”

“Why would I sing to you? You don’t even like me.”

“Can I get you anything? Water? Vodka? Xanax?”

“Quick question: did you recently imbibe or inject anything that came from a “medicinal” type shop?”

“But I’m an open-minded person, I’m willing to roll with this.”

“Maybe you’re operating on a higher plane than the rest of us.”

“Child, I’m completely baked. Ain’t nothing going on in my head right now.”

“This is the first thing that I find remotely interesting about you.”

“Will we ever have joie de vivre?”

“My mom left me when I was young and my whole life has been a series of rejections from the opposite sex.”

“You sure you don’t hear that?”

“Let’s party like it’s 1978!”

“And you should really take everything I say when I’m high with a grain of salt.”

“That song is real dark.”

“Good music can make you feel things you can’t express in words.”

“Hey, not that I’m keeping tabs or anything but that’s like your fourth cup of coffee today.”

“That’s a whole lot of tmi I just spewed on you.”

“Who knows what other people are really thinking, right?”

“I’ve found in general death and dying tend not to be the best conversation starters.”

“If I show you something can you promise to keep it only between us?”

“This is the only thing that I can hold onto.”

“I’ve become a real expert on bottling my shame and pain and hiding it from the world.”

“Listen, I’m not an expert on this or anything but you can't just keep it in.”

“I should’ve been the one this happened to.”

“I think we’re just gonna have to stumble through it together. The blind leading the blind.”

“If you had the power to know what was going on in other people’s heads, do you think you’d feel guilty?”

“I’m going to be uncharacteristically honest with you so don’t get used to it.”

“I notice everything.”

“I just feel like everyone’s against me.”

“Two more hours and I would’ve gotten it, just saying.”

“There’s gonna be good days and bad days, remember? Let’s chalk this up to one of the good ones.”

“Mama needs an update.”

“No, no, don’t be flattered.”

“I view you more as a social experiment, like a rat running through a maze.”

“Sounds bougie, I’m in.”

“I'm not in trouble, am I?”

“Bottom line, please?”

“You’re yelling, bro.”

“I’m acting weirder than normal?”

“Believe it or not I didn’t really play any sports growing up.”

“This power is wasted on you!”

“Is this weird? This feels weird.”

“I gotta say, I am loving the energy.”

“I’m pretty sure nobody cares.”

“Any desire to tell me what this is all about?”

“Of course I know that song, it’s a very famous song. Do YOU know that song?”

“With great power comes a lot of nasty stuff don’t nobody wanna do.”

“I’m not NOT mortified right now.”

“Please tell me your day was better than mine.”

“Do I need to hide all of my breakables?”

“I can’t cook. You should see the inside of my fridge.”

“I guess we’ve just breezed right past the whole “knocking-and-waiting-for-the-other-person-to-answer” phase.”

“When I get inspired no doors will stand in my way.”

“Creative. Absolutely terrifying..”

“Could be cool. Could be confusing. Could be both. Let’s see.”

“And I’m kinda obsessed with you.”

“Door’s always open, honey.”

“So could everyone please act as if they care?”

“I haven’t breathed outside air in over forty-three hours.”

“Why did we come up with this stupid, stupid plan?”

“Dolly Parton is my spirit animal.”

“There are lots of reasons why people are unsatisfied, ___. 80% of it is sex related.”

“Do you just make these statistics up?”

“I’m gonna keep this one simple.”

“The only place I’m comfortable dancing is in my bedroom… closet.”

“Don’t ever say that again.”

“First of all, that’s terrible grammar.”

“I was a drum major in high school and that mess would not have been tolerated.”

“I have always found it helpful to vent when I’m feeling dissatisfied.”

“I don’t vent, I scream into a pillow.”

“You dress like a docent at a folk art museum.”

“Wow, we’re still talking about this?”

“___, are you growing as a person?”

“And the good news is I’ve been banned from the grocery store.”

“There’s been a radical shift in the way I perceive the world, you wouldn’t understand.”

“There is nothing in the world that I love more than your smile. But not if it isn’t real.”

“Don’t make this into a thing right now.”

“That term hasn’t been used in well over a decade.”

“I can see your side eye.”

“You can take the fifth and stop telling me about it.”

“Do you know anything about faith at all?”

“I think we might be vibing again.”

“Are you sure that everything’s okay with you because I feel like maybe it’s not.”

“See, that whole “leap of faith” thing really doesn’t work for me.”

“Empathy is a wonderful gift to have.”

“I have faith. You should too.”

“I recognize your tiny footsteps.”

“Okay, that’s enough gaping at the shut in for one day.”

“I swear this is the last one.”

“Why so secretive?”

“I am very aware of what a duet is.”

“Why do I even answer the phone this early?”

“My brain does not like functioning until night o’clock.”

“What’s the good of bad news if you can’t share it?”

“I love barely meeting expectations!”

“Is it great? Feels not so great.”

“I think you’re crushing it, that’s all that matters.”

“You two would be great in a female cop show.”

“Something’s going on with you, I can tell.”

“How do you do that? Really see me. No one else has the ability.”

“I’m just not used to negative feedback.”

“Care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Can I take a picture? I’m gonna take a picture.”

“Uh oh. Don’t tell me you’re depressed too.”

“My body’s doing all sorts of disgusting things to me like making liquid appear in my eyes.”

“It’s too gutless, it’s too passive-aggressive. I like aggressive-aggressive.”

“I just feel like I’m failing.”

“Why do you put so much pressure on yourself?”

“Wow. I just got a window into your soul and, baby, it is not a place I wanna visit.”

“Did you know I once stared at the ocean for literally seven hours?”

“How about you lead the way and I’ll just holler if I need any medical assistance?”

“You’d tell me if you weren’t good, right?”

“So, tell me some good news please.”

“Thank you for not trying to fix me or make me feel better. Thanks for just being real.”

“Why are you smirking?”

“Sometimes I just feel like I can’t do anything right.”

“Someone sounds like they’re in a good mood.”

“The world is waiting, so am I.”

“I have no interest in hanging around a bunch of 20-somethings talking about artisanal beer all night.”

“___, this is a classy affair. Of course they’ll be pigs in a blanket.”

“Now it’s time for a makeover which is literally my favorite thing to do.”

“No matter how hard I try I just never say the right thing.”

“At least let me help you accessorize.”

“I gotta admit this is kinda fun.”

“Now they just taste like water.”

“Who do we know with a hot tub?”

“You are super fun. Like sloppy, dance on a bar fun.”

“I might also be drunk.”

“I’m a mess… and emotional… also vodka.”

“Life doesn’t always go as planned. It just doesn’t.”

“Is it weird that I want one of those?”

“Yeah, nothing good happens after someone sings that song.”

“I hate when people assume I know their names.”

“So, you’re attractive and talented.”

“I can’t believe that happened, and how quickly…”

“If there’s something going on I’d love all our friends to hear about it.”

“You should probably leave this party before you burn something else down.”

“That’s almost funny.”

“I need that thing more than you’ve ever needed anything in your entire life and I’m ready to fight you for it if you make me.”

“I wouldn’t trust myself to ride that thing sober let alone now still halfway drunk.”

“The last thing I want to hear from you is another apology.”

“I really need to be mad at you right now.”

“Are you crying?”

“What? I’m not allowed to get emotional at a superhero movie? Lives were lost, ___. Ethical questions were raised!”

“He only responds in one letter. ‘K’? Who does that?”

“Just— let’s talk about you.”

“It’s hard to accept that I can’t do this all on my own anymore.”

“Wouldn’t peg you for a food court guy.”

“We are gonna be ultra professional from now on.”

“What’s the crisis? Did I cause it?”

“Can you believe it?! ...apparently you can and perhaps already knew?”

“___, are you okay? You look paler than usual.”

“You okay? You look shaken.”

“But I feel great and I’m gonna be totally fine.”

“Can you google that for me?”

“Are you seriously hiding from me?”

“I listen to true crime to calm myself.”

“Look, we both know I’m not good with feelings or emotions.”

“Mad respect for your pun game.”

“Men don’t check on men in bathrooms, it’s not a thing.”

“Well now I know you’re telling the truth because no one would ever lie about doing something that heartless.”

“Were we ever even friends at all?”

“Real friends have hard conversations. They owe it to each other.”

“I’m gonna get deep for a hot second so bear with me.”

“Stuff like this has been going on for a while now. You wanna tell me what’s up?”

“You’re starting to seem like a liability, man.”

“What’s the point of rising if we can’t do it together?”

“Here to pour salt on my wounds?”

“It’s all coming from a place of love.”

“It is not exactly what I expected but I’m rolling with it.”

“Watch how fast I nail this.”

“Are we talking witchcraft or just shameless career advancing?”

“I’ve got a super chill brain that never needs calming, so…”

“Was I just singing out loud?”

“Am I going crazy? I feel like I am. I mean, I don’t know what crazy feels like but I feel like this is it.”

“That’s… bad.”

“Are you fine? I mean, I know you’re not fine but…”

“Can you schedule your nervous breakdown for another day?”

“In solving one problem I’ve created another.”

“I… I don’t know why that happened.”

“Okay, yes, I’ll admit I’m in a good mood but it’s for completely unrelated reasons.”

“Okay, this is getting worse by the second.”

“I apologize in advance for whatever’s about to come out of mouth.”

“I'm really sorry. Just know, it’s not me, it’s my body.”

“That’s such a strange way to phrase that.”

“There you go, now you know. Hey, that rhymed.”

“I will go to the supermarket… one day.”

“I ruined my entire life yesterday.”

“I just call that uninspired.”

“Honestly, I think I’m broken.”

“What exactly is going on here? A creative inspiration or a massive cry for help?”

“I’m broken and I’m gonna die alone.”

“How do you go through all that suffering and not let it break you?”

“I don’t know what to do. And it’s tearing me up inside.”

“Hurt people hurt people.”

“I think it’s best if you don’t look at me or worry about and focus on what I’m thinking or feeling.”

“It can be challenging sometimes, knowing the right way and the wrong way to care for somebody.”

“Well, it’s the almost-thought that counts.”

“That’s a terrible surprise face.”

“I think it’s finally time I focus on my own happiness for a change.”

“I don’t want to talk. Lord knows that we’ve done enough talking.”

“I’m exhausted. And exhilarated. And thoroughly depleted.”

“Stay aloof, reveal nothing, keep small talk down to a minimum.”

“You’ve been there for me, I wanna be there for you.”

“Don’t smile at me, I don’t wanna look at your sad, appreciative eyes.”

“What? He’s hot, I’m weak, you do the math.”

“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a hoodie before.”

“This would be a great place to murder someone, huh?”

“So, who’s ready to talk about death?”

“It doesn’t have to go down like this, ___.”

“You can only postpone the inevitable for so long.”

“In moments like these sometimes you have to haul out the big guns.”

“Someone better be dead or dying, I’m not in the mood.”

“I am worried. This is how I compensate.”

“I find you charming and disturbing, like a Pomeranian wearing a tutu.”

“I go big or go home.”

“Death is hideous and ugly and grotesque and wildly, wildly unfair.”

“Believe me, I’m not doing well but I’m not doing that badly either.”

“I guess we gotta face the music sometime, right?”

#zep #zoey's extraordinary playlist #rp #rp meme #rp starters #starters #sentence starters #sentence starter meme #ask meme

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toomanytakennamesagh · 4 years ago

Text

(A very detailed) TMI Hogwarts AU

Cuz it’s been stuck in my head and I don’t have the time, patience, or talent to write an actual fic

This is part 1

Clary’s the quintessential Gryffindor- Good, brave, willing to fight and do anything for her friends, ridiculously impulsive and stubborn

Simon’s Gryffindor

Isabelle’s Gryffindor

Jace’s Gryffindor- It was a tie between that or Slytherin

Alec’s a definite Hufflepuff

Y’know what Imma put Magnus in Ravenclaw. He’s a witty dude, clever, super wise. Does really well in exams even though the teachers see him mostly chatting or distracted in class.

So yeah Jocelyn ran away. She found Luke, who helped her find a job and a life in the small town he lived in.

She did not try to find a way to suppress Clary’s magic when it did show up. Mostly she just put up a bunch of wards and booby trapped parts of their house, keeping secret Portkey’s in random locations.

And because I hate it when parents keep a super important secret from their kids, and it’d be hard to explain away the weird stuff that happens around her, Clary grows up knowing about her magical heritage. She’s been told time and time again to keep it a secret from her classmates, so she never really found any close friends she could confide in

UNTIL Simon moves into town, and gets introduced to her third grade class. He’s kind awkward and shy (his dad just died, but no one really knows about that yet), so it wasn’t long before a couple of bigger boys decided to pick on the new kid. Clary hated seeing people get hurt, so she quickly stepped in and threw stuff towards them until they ran away.

She had to get benched for three recesses, but it was worth it, and Simon came by every time to make sure the girl who helped him wasn’t too lonely

They were best friends after that

Another thing about Simon: Weird stuff happened around him his whole life. It’s actually why his family had to move- people were starting to talk about that Lewis kid who somehow swept a table full of legos clean, made toilets explode into mean kids’ faces, turned lights on and off whenever he started crying

Rebecca, his (wonderful, loyal, I loved her scenes in the series oh my gosh) big sister who walked him back and forth from places, because people they knew their whole lives were starting to look and say and act mean towards her brother, and she wasn’t having any of it.

His mom was terrified of him, after the denial wore off. It was his dad who calmed her down, telling her that it was still their little boy, that Simon was just as confused just as confused as she was.

It wasn’t long before Simon had one of his accidents, but fortunately it was in private, and Clary was there too.

They were playing hide and seek on Simon’s house, and somehow when Clary found him, his left leg was completely invisible. For a moment Simon was quiet, looking at his first and only friend and wondering if she was going to get scared and call him a freak like the others.

But no, Clary’s eyes got big and wide, and she breathed out, “You’re like me.”

The next day Jocelyn came over to Simon’s place, sat his mom down, and explained everything to her: The wizarding world, Simon being a muggle born, magic schools. It took awhile but his mom was on board with it, relieved that there was an explanation, that somebody else knew what was happening.

Rebecca and Simon were eavesdropping. Afterwards they went to the library and checked out as many fantasy novels as they could, with Clary looking them over and saying which ones sounded close enough to the world her mother told her about.

The mom’s became as close as Clary and Simon are, often sharing stories of their kids, with Simon’s mom coming and asking Jocelyn for advice whenever he had accidents.

The Hogwarts letter came when they were eleven. Clary ran to Simon’s house the moment she got hers, and they both jumped around and screamed together.

The first trip to Diagon Alley was terrifying for the Lewis’s. Jocelyn helped them with most of the shopping list, whispering warnings and tips throughout for the next year, and everyone carefully ignored how they were being stared at- their weird clothes, gadgets, obvious confusion at some of the stores. They got out relatively unscathed, until Jocelyn got recognized by one of her old classmates from Hogwarts, who she pretended not to see and quickly walked away from.

Clary and Simon, on the other hand, were having the time of their lives. They ran from shop to shop, whispering excitedly about all the candies and toys there.

The only thing that dampened their mood was when they got to the robe shop for their fitting, and met the meanest, rudest, (prettiest) boy.

He had looked over at Simon’s and Clary’s clothes, then at the Lewis’s who were standing a distance away, and snorted. Said something about muggleborns and mudbloods with this look on his face, like they were smaller than him.

Even though Simon didn’t know the M word, Clary very well did. How dare this (really cute why does someone this mean so cute it’s not fair) say that about her best friend.

And since Clary couldn’t stand bullies, she shoved him hard, until he fell down. Then yelled at him extensively about rude words, he had no right to say that about his friends, how dare he, until Jocelyn heard the commotion and had to physically drag Clary off of him.

And Simon was there, not knowing what the big deal was but feeling touched anyways. And then a ridiculously good-looking family came over, finding a boy on the ground and a mother scolding her redhead. Jocelyn saw them, and froze.

It was the Lightwoods. So the parents kinda both stop for a second, and it would’ve been more than a second if Alec and Izzy didn’t see Jace and run over, Alec glaring daggers at Clary, and Isabelle going forward and preparing to punch the girl for hurting her brother.

And then after enough prodding, they find out what happened and force the two to apologize. Well, Clary had to apologize to Jace, and Jace had to apologize to Simon.

Like, I headcanon that the Lightwoods are pretty snobby in this au, okay?

But they’re trying to get better

Like they look at Simon and his family in the distance, and a part of them still thinks they’re better than them, but they also recognize that it’s not okay

Backstory on Jace: He was born by Stephen and Celine before Celine died in childbirth, and Stephen got sent to Azkaban (and died a few months later), so he got raised by someone who was really Valentine Morgenstern.

Michael Wayland is not dead in this fic and he is not used as Valentine’s alias. I want him to live. I got too attached to him too quickly in the short story.

AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JACE IS A HERONDALE THERE WILL BE NO SURPRISE SIBLING TWIST IN THIS AU PLS

So he’s been raised on these elitist beliefs, and is still, like, eleven years old, and he’s being slowly trained out of it by the Lightwoods

And getting smacked by an angry (cute) eleven year old girl definitely did help

Or at least it seemed to. Jace got really quiet when they left the shop, but not in a sullen way.

It was similar to the way Alec and Izzy saw him looking at broomsticks, or quidditch matches, or hearing about magical weapons and wars, or when he was listening to the prettiest piano music

I just wanna imagine tiny Jace looking up at a yelling Clary and getting starry eyed, because (barring his sister Izzy) here was the coolest girl he’s ever seen

Like he got fond of Clary when she slapped him “For the other ten percent” tell me this isn’t how Jace gets a crush on her.

They don’t see them when boarding the train, though. The crowd was too big for that. Clary and Simon shared a coach. They kept whispering to each other about all the plans they have, the nights they’ll sneak out of their dorm room and just explore the grounds.

#tmi #the mortal insturment #hogwarts au #tmi hogwarts au #clace #clary fairchild #simon lewis #isabelle lightwood #jocelyn fairchild #alec lightwood #jace herondale #maryse lightwood #robert lightwood #the mortal instruments #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles

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winterbuckytho · 4 years ago

Text

When Is It Over

After being missing for 48 hours, Tony Stark comes into the restaurant and is escorted to the table James Rhodey was waiting for him at. Rhodey, always a patient and understanding man wanted to give Tony an absolute earful for disappearing like that. He and Happy had been just about to raise alarms when he got the text "I'm a genius and you know that but I had major breakthrough and can't talk to anyone else. You will never guess who's bed I woke up in."

Rhodey guessed wrong 17 times then finally gave up by texting back. "Uuuugh, I hate it when you’re right! Just tell me!!"

"One Sargent James Buchanan Barnes, the Manchurian Candidate himself. TMI, but we have no boundaries, he's an awesome lay btw. I'll send you info for a meetup and brunch. I need so much coffee."

And so not long after the two sat in a little known upscale place seated at a privately reserved table on a terrace over looking the sea, Rhodey asking how in the flying fuck Tony had ended up at a dick appointment in Wakanda.

"It all started a while ago but what happened last night started the night before last. I kept having this nightmare where Barnes is bearing down on Pepper and my reactor is busted and I'm trapped in my suit, pinned to the floor like a butterfly to a card by one of those creepy bug collectors. Pepper is right there but I can never convince him to not hurt her. Sometimes it's you or Steve and I guess because I watched footage of him before he started remembering stuff... God, the way he gunned after Steve, like a pretty Ultron. And I fought him myself in trigger mode, Christ, his eyes were colder than dry ice and emptier than Bruce's apartment right now... I had it again and sitting up after with a glass of warm milk thought about that exposure therapy thing, what is it called?"

"Systemic Desensitization?"

"Right, anyway, so I called King T'challa and it turned out Barnes was awake. So i asked to see him, explain what I want to try and do because I already have 15 flavors of PTSD, I didn't need a special designer one and reassured nothing like vengeance was even remotely on my mind. I just needed to see him outside the context I had him in before in Siberia so he agreed to have me."

"Whoa, that's a stupid idea. So what happened?"

"Well, he has a convalescent suite in the mines, most secure place on the planet I bet. From himself and from others. I went straight there and was on his doorstep at 2 the next morning. He was still willing to see me and the Princess seems to have figured out how to end his following through with the programming, so he opened the door and..."

"Stark, I understand I never even knew you and I fucked up half your lif-" Bucky Barnes began.

“I don't wanna talk about that Barnes..." Tony replied.

"Then what do you want?" Buck asked shaking his head a little at a loss as to why Stark would need to see him this bad. A cold fright made his belly feel full of squirming eels as he wondered what in God's name he had done now. 'Th-they say I'm alright now but before... I hardly remember being brought to Wakanda, everything after my arm was fried off... is just a smudge of awareness. Did I hurt him bad that day, he looks okay but what did I do..?'

"I... fuck, okay, this is one of those times where I am doing a crazy rich person thing, you know. I keep having these dreams... "I remember them all." you said. That's what you said and ever since I feel like I need to face you in a.... I don't know... unfiltered way? I need to know you're not going to... hurt me or Pepper or Steve or Rh-"

Bucky stood in the doorway his blood chilled to slush in his veins. What did Tony want him to do? Act out some death wish? 'Absolutely fucking not. I will eat a gun before I endanger anyone else. I can't, I literally can't let it happen, even by the most unpredictable accident...' "Tony, what is it you mean for me to do? I'm not gonna fight you, I-i can't, I-"

"Shit, Sarge..."Tony says and aggressively goes in for a kiss. A hard confused long and breathless kiss.

"Oh my God, you did not!" Rhodey exclaimed his incredulity impossible to contain.

"You going keep talking or are you going eat your lunch and let me finish?" Stark says a little miffed even if he wouldn't say that word unironically.

"I thought you were in like, regular killer robots trouble, but this takes the cake, please do go on. I want every sordid detail. I can't tell if I'm more horrified at your taste in guys or frustrated with you for not telling me about what you were going to do."

'Oh god my heart is racing faster than that time it almost got its promised dose of metal shards before I could get the other reactor in. I might throw up. But uh yeah, I'll admit it. I'm definitely getting hard. Is this it? Is this what I need to make myself understand he's not a killing machine anymore? For an engineering genius I'm so fuckin' stupid... O-oh ah, is- is he... holding me?' Tony's mind went from one thought to the next so rapidly it almost made him dizzy. But as Barnes wrapped an arm gently about his waist and pulled him closer over the threshold and into his suite, his initial fright at his own actions became quieter and slowed till he was thinking nothing and only letting the electricity of it flow as neurons and synapses and receptors did their work. He could feel Barnes' lips tremble slightly against his as they kissed, cold metal under his palm as it slid up over the smooth curves up to the other man's shoulder, his need now becoming clearer by the second.

Bucky didn't understand what was happening and in ordinary circumstances would like to know and love someone before getting closer this way. It felt wrong at first and he was so hypervigilant he was half convinced his body was acting on its own to attack Tony until the man moaned deeply in to the kiss, the sound of it long and greatly pleased. Barnes pulled away a moment looking at Stark. "What is this? I... I’m afraid I don't understand..."

"You and me both, pal. Oh no, Steve is rubbing off on me.... But yes... I'm figuring something out. Can we go to your room?"

"I- uhm sure it's... uhm... on the left. End of the hall."

"Come on, I can make it fast."

"I... had no idea you..."

"Again. You and me both, pal. Turned out my heterosexual philandering was me performing gender conformity and trying to hide from anything real about myself. I think I swing both ways. Or multiple ways at once." Tony said leading to the bedroom. He took off his jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair by a small table in the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

Buck sat next to him and said "Ah. Well, you're not alone in that. If I had a nickel for all the girls I had hanging on my arm while hiding the truth..."

"Wow. I mean... The length Steve was going for you... I didn't realize it was a two way street."

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' stupid for that boy. All those years... and then the first one I see his face again, the curse was lifted. Kinda like a fairytale." Barnes laughed.

Tony laughed too. A genuine happy sound he had been too anxious to properly make the last few months. Hearing Bucky say it like that, he knew they both loved the same things in their favorite star spangled dumbass. Another layer of fear melted and he grasped Bucky's metal hand. "Is this going to hurt what you got going for him? I can stop, find some other way to work through how I'm feeling about everything..."

"No, its okay. I...think I understand what you need."

"Oh yeah?"

"We were never properly introduced and until you know who a man is, he will always be a stranger."

'I'll be damned... that's kinda exactly what this is. I need to know him. I need to know him inside out like how I know Steve. It took almost dying together a few times for us to become friends. This is the express route for me and Barnes.' Stark sniffed and nodded then said abruptly, "But first I... I’m sorry. I'm sorry things went down how they did for you, I'm sorry for reacting that way when I found out our... connection. I- well I was going to say I'm sorry I blew your arm off but I'll say it when I'm sure I won't be lying. I had seen you kill a dozen people that day and I'm still scared shitless of you."

The room was quiet a moment as Bucky carefully gathered so he wouldn't burst in to tears before he could say it. "I'm sorry as well. I never got to apologize to any of their families before. So thank you too."

"Hey." Stark said quietly. He was beginning to truly feel something about Bucky other then that fever pitch fear. The time Barnes had come within a second of shooting Tony straight in the god-damned face came back to him but he didn't see that man in this moment. "I want to believe you so, come on. Make love to me and show me who you really are."

"Oo, you was being all smooth with it, okay, alright, Mr Stark, turn the swag on..." Said Rhodey.

"One of these days, Alice, right to the moon." Replied Tony.

"Ha ha, okay, I'll stop. One of these days...”

Barnes nodded and turned further to Tony reaching a hand out. He used the side of his index finger to take Stark's chin and tug lightly guiding him towards himself and beginning to kiss him in soft slow motions. "Do you want me to take charge a bit? Because I don't think I want you to make it fast."

"Hah~ I uh... don't mind, bottom, top as long as you're comfortable."

"How bout we work it both ways. I mean sure I'm big and can probably punch out that whole wall down in less than 3 minutes but I have a... softer side too."

"Being little spoon is nice..." Stark replied with a small smile pulling his tie vest and shirt off. He was endeared further to see Bucky blushing in the low warm light.

Bucky pressed him back on the bed and rolled half on top of him. His was so effortlessly strong his weight could barely be felt as he held himself from simply pinning Tony to the bed under him. Heat began to flush his body as the gentle kisses they traded became more passionate and hungry. A thrum of pleasure pulses outward from his pelvis and Bucky groaned in the ecstasy of it thinking 'Guess it's like riding a bicycle... it's all coming back to me now, huh?...uhn~' while his hips rocked forward pressing down against Tony.

It was a small gesture but so erotically charged, Stark's breath caught in his chest a second then he mirrored it with his hand sliding downwards to explore the stiffening shaft pressed against his thigh. He squeezed and stroked it marveling it a little for it's size and immediately wondering how much of Bucky's size was from the serum. He suspected from the way Barnes handled himself though that it was all Buck. He pulled the waist band of Bucky's pajama bottoms out and down exposing him. Tony's hand wrapped around it and he watched as Bucky's eyelids lowered and he breathed quietly "Oh God hahn..." pecs heaving as he gasped. Stark bit into his lower lip surprised how a sight like that could turn him on and quiet still more of his fear of the man. It humanized Barnes instantly like nothing else he could have made in the Avengers tower r & d labs.

Bucky's erection throbbed, Tony's hand feeling cool on it's hot skin as he took in the sensation just made it even more captivating but he paused a moment before raising himself to stand and pulled his pants off. As he did Tony took off the remainder of his clothes as well and soon they reconvened on the bed together. Tony waited for Buck to lie down then took a position that would serve well for oral. He was surprised to be further guided gently to straddle Barnes' face. They each used oral to the pleasure of the other and it was not long before the room was full of moans and sighs.

Barnes could never explain it but serving someone willingly in this scenario nearly made his mind melt with the extreme arousal building inside him. He moans softly his tongue massaging and circling sensitive skin, probing flicking at the entrance. He can't help how he is drawn in to the movement both soothed and excited by it, all the while feeling heat and soft textures and slick saliva slowly slathered up and down his length paired with a delicious friction he couldn't withstand in stoicism. His hips jerk and thrust up and his arms wrap around Stark's thighs pulling him down against his now wildly thrashing tongue.

"O-ohn hah! Mmm~!" Tony's breathes come fast and eratic as he tries to not be distracted from the task at hand. Which was enjoying Barnes' response to his sucking and licking of the man's cock. He is becoming increasingly intensely aroused to the point of loosing much of his control leaving him trembling and squirming as he struggles to keep his tongue moving. Finally unable to do much else he accepts Bucky's entire length in to his mouth allowing him to thrust himself in and out while Stark groans in deep pleasure at the many sensations.

Bucky came to a point where it wasn't enough and he needed to see his lovers face as well as become the more active party. He slowed his licking and paused one hand grasping Tony's arm and pulling him up to head of the bed French kissing him and enjoying the feel of their tongues sliding about one another. After a few moments they worked into missionary position. Bucky licked his fingers, massaged and stretching Stark making the man whimper and gasp pressing his head back into the pillows. Then he began to penetrate working his tip in slowly, setting urgency aside for a bit to be sure they were both on the same page.

Tony, experiencing great pleasure eagerly thrust his hips up as his calves rested on Barnes' broad strong shoulders. "I-it's okay, I'm experienced, you can go harder, go faster. Oh god~!" Even as he did it he was having a strong sense of sorrow derived from the way Bucky handled his body, with such a care, terrified of himself of hurting anyone. He knew this was because of who he was as a person and not just special treatment. Hydra had commited a deep sin against humanity by making such a man kill against his own will and every minute with the former Sargent made Stark's heart break for him, drowning the animal fear right out with the deep kindness that had stayed true in Barnes’ heart all these years.

Buck nodded now breathing heavily and started to thrust deep and hard at an almost relentless pace, grunting in a low tone his eyes scanning Tony's face drinking the pleasure he caused, this somehow just as pleasing as the direct stimulation of the sex itself. But still he maintained responsibility for both of their well being and carefully examined himself to be sure he could warn if he lost control of himself somehow. His ardor rose and swelled around him and to this he was perfectly happy to lose himself in the moment, his breaths harsh and fast as his powerful thighs and hips worked to thrust and his hands rose to lace his finger with those of both of Tony's hands holding them pressed to the pillow beside Stark's head on either side, Bucky's mouth exploring licking kissing Tony's throat and chest.

"That's it , oh don't stop, don't stop huhn!! Ah aaah hah~!" Tony groaned as he chased his orgasm.

"Yeah? Ohn~ come on, come with me, come on baby..." Bucky told him between gasps and moans speaking softly into his ear.

It was one of the best climaxes he had ever had and he supposed it had something to do with how emotional the sex had been paired with Barnes commanding him to do it. 'I didn't even feel submissive till he took the reigns, and that's kinda how I like it.' Tony thought. Panting he said "You really must have given those girls a run for their money. And Steve?"

Bucky paused and smiled. It was honestly one of the most beautiful smiles Tony had ever seen. "Actually, I'd bet my left arm he's still a virgin. He's always so focused, no one ever wonders. They think a man like that would have been taken such a thing the first time it presented itself but our history together says otherwise. His birthday wasn't always July 4th, you know?"

"Meaning he didn't always appear to be the reserved type, a no kiss and tell sort of guy. Oh my God, that explains so much. Does he think it's too dirty or something?"

"Nah. He just wants the moment to be right. And it never can be with the world at stake every other day. He says to me, 'We can move to the country or the sea shore and no one will bat a lash. The ring can be made of the perfect materials for your hand and we can just settle down, when the fight is over��. He doesn't know... living is always going to be a fight. There's always a fight. It doesn't end until your heart stops. So he'll always be waiting for the right time and I'll always be waiting for him." His gaze was a bit melancholic, a bit proud and a lot yearning. His crystalline cerulean eyes swam with tears a moment before he closed them and leaned in to kiss Tony.

Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and now he felt more real than ever, there was no monster here. Just a man who was having the most rotten luck in history. And he still fought for more each day. 'Men like them really are cut from different cloth. I always thought my dad was just being a righteous asshole when he said that but no...'

"And I'm cured! Turns out the right guy can heal you with magic peen." Strk said sarcastically.

"Pft, really?"

"Well, of that one thing. My mind is still fucked pretty hard from everything else though. But I'm glad it's finally laid to rest. Dad would have wanted it that way. Mom would forgive him, why shouldn't I?”

"Jesus, did you just mature before my very eyes?" Rhodey said with a smile reaching out to put a hand on Tony's shoulder with a squeeze.

"Yep. Let's hope I don't have to fuck everyone who has wronged me to finally put my suit away." Tony sassed back patting the hand of his best friend.

He hoped that day would come though. That Steve and Nat and Bruce and Vision and Wanda and Sam and Clint could set down their suits and anger issues and come home so they could all be worth the wait together.

#winteriron #for no real reason at all #ns.fw #Bucky X Tony

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weirdponytail · 5 years ago

Text

MIC!Arya and the Infamous Tarnag Temple Argument in IC Canon (AKA Modern Inheritance’s Take on Trauma, Religion, and Arya F***ing Apologizing)

Everyone gives Canon!Arya shit for the scene in the books where she gives Gannel shit in his own temple for having religion. I agree that it’s a bad moment for her character. I also feel it comes out of left field for Arya’s character up to that point but I’ll get smacked from here to the core mantle boundary for that by some of the fandom. I digress. This is very much not about my feelings on the canon version.

Let’s move on to how it might go for my Modern Inheritance!Arya and my version of events.

A lot of what I write about in MIC is trauma related. Arya’s one of the easiest characters for me to write for in that regard for obvious reasons, and because I’ve shaped my mental picture of her over the years so she’s the one I have the most practice with. Please note that usually when I go to bat for Arya I tend to get my MIC version of her muddled in with canon, so I apologize for any sharp words, brow beating, etc. Anyway...what was I talking about? OH RIGHT, TRAUMA AND THAT WHOLE TARNAG THING.

So just to further stress, this is Modern Inheritance/MIC right now.

Arya’s coming off from a hell of a time. You don’t exactly process deaths of loved ones very well while being tortured, and while she’s juggling all that plus two near death experiences that occurred probably within a week of each other, Eragon nearly dying and his back spasms, the guy that tortured her and killed her best friend and her mate is dead but she didn’t get to have a swing at him, mentally preparing to face her queen/mother, the ‘a whole clan now wants to murder Saphira and Eragon’ situation, civil unrest in the city they’re in, just Brom being Brom, physical stresses from the whole *waves hands at previous paragraph*, she’s suddenly reminded that hey...the dwarves and humans have something that elves don’t.

What’s that? Religion. And what usually comes with a religion?

The concept of an afterlife. The general idea that when someone dies they have not really left. The comfort that if you pray, meditate, visit a grave, do something special to you/your faith then you can make a connection to your lost loved ones and friends. The promise that even though they’ve left this world, they’re still looking out for you. And one day you’ll see them again. The separation is only brief.

And damn. Right then, that hurts for Arya. It’s like being kicked while you’re down.

TMI and on but off topic: My mother died when I was 12. She had a progressive neural disease which pretty much destroyed her mentally and physically over the course of a year or so. During that year, there were a bunch of ‘spiritual’ people coming over. Not mainstream religion types, but still.

I hated them with a passion. I hated them, the stuff they said about any type of afterlife or spirituality, prayer, the idea that the dead were not all gone, I fucking HATED that bumper sticker that says ‘if anything can go well, it will’ because ho BOY did that say something for the shit I was seeing and going through at the time.

I had been agnostic bordering on atheist before but this was the nail in it for me. After mom finally died I was a real sourpuss/snarky little shit whenever religion came up. I insulted every religion any time it came up. I shut down anything having to do with my mom ‘watching over me’ or ‘being with me/us in spirit.’

It took me years to understand it. I was angry because I couldn’t bring myself to believe that after all the shit I saw, the pain my dad went through, that I went through, and the whole year of watching a bright, loving, intelligent woman that was my whole world turn to a fully paralyzed drooling mess with mood swings and no voice besides a pained moan...that there was any sort of god or spiritual energy or other bullshit out there. Because then why would it happen? And why to her? People say that ‘well if there is a god then why does war/famine/assault/torture/disease/etc. happen?’ but when it happens to you, and you were already teetering on the edge of ‘does it or does it not, maybe there is something out there…’ it’s like being smacked in the face with a shovel.

I’ve got nothing against religion now, as long as it isn’t toxic or manipulative, etc. But I can see where Arya would be coming from.

Because deep down, Arya sees what the dwarves have. This comfort in thinking that the dead aren’t all gone, and that all it takes is reaching out to them to share thoughts and feelings, and that you’ll see them again.

And she wants that too. She wants it so badly. She envies their ability to think that way, to simply have faith in what they cannot see. She wants to talk to Fäolin and Glenwing (who is still alive in MIC but at this point she doesn’t know that) again, she wants to tell them that she misses them and that Eragon and Saphira exist and their deaths weren’t for nothing and tell them all the things unsaid...but no matter how much she wants to, she can’t get past everything thats happened in the past 6+ months and her own cultural beliefs.

It hurts. She can’t think of anything else to say past the hurt and so she lashes out like I did. She doesn’t understand why really, but knows that religion and afterlives and all of it just make her...angry. Because what else could that cold rock in her chest be?

In MIC, Arya is not as stubborn when it comes to atheism or other cultures. Before the ambush, she frequently asked questions about the dwarvish religion, not exactly realizing that her questions could be considered more of ‘you dare question the faith’ than ‘so wait what if this happens? Do you still get to go to the afterlife? But what about when you feel a mind die? Where does it go?’ innocent type questions that come from curiosity. She still has the feeling that the money donated to religions could go to better places, but also realizes that sometimes the religions actually send said donations TO those places/the needy, and that structures/art/etc that were built long ago do kinda need upkeep. So instead of being a dick about it, when the dwarves at the temple bluntly tell her ‘would you shut up and leave already we don’t want to answer your questions’ she adds a cheeky ‘sure I’ll go as long as you donate to the Varden’s current fundraiser’ and goes on her way when they agree to donate.

But Arya still blatantly crosses a line by confronting Gannel rather sharply about her newfound feelings on religion while Eragon is there. She’s been following them as Eragon’s bodyguard (why the HELL did canon!Arya leave Eragon alone, even in a temple full of warrior monks, wheN A WHOLE CLAN WAS TRYING TO KILL HIM?!) and she doesn’t even realize that she’s said anything until Eragon looks back at her like ‘ooooh nooooooOO ARYA WHAT THE HELL?! WAS THAT?!’ and she sees that the back of Gannel’s head is turning purple with rage.

Eragon manages to extricate himself from it all and meet up with Saphira, and after a rather...heated...uh…”discussion,” Gannel finally flames that while Arya’s questions before pushed the limit, this was beyond unacceptable and asks what the fuck is wrong with her. Arya just storms out.

Arya comes back to the temple later that night, asks for Gannel, and pretty much kneels down and puts her forehead on the floor in front of him (MIC elves do this only when they realize they REALLY fucked up and use this stance as an open way of saying that they fucked up, apologize, and will accept the consequences) with a sincere apology for her earlier conduct. Honestly, her ear is still red from where Brom had twisted it when he caught wind of what she had done, but she’s not apologizing just because of that.

She wants to learn how to pray.

Not to a god or spirit, but how to talk to the ones she’s lost. The idea of religion giving a false sense of hope still hurts and angers her...but she’s realized that maybe there’s a reason why it can bring comfort.

Gannel awkwardly explains that a way to get started is to simply speak aloud, as if talking to someone that isn’t there. When he realizes Arya isn’t pulling his leg or going to go off on him again, he decides to give her the ‘how to talk to dead people’ primer course over some mead and does his best to keep the more hard religion stuff out of it. As a priest/monk, he’s used to consoling people who have lost family and loved ones. He can pick up the signs easily enough...when the person isn’t ready to punch a hole in his fancy history wall.

As she leaves, Arya apologizes again.

And prods Gannel to donate to the Varden’s current fundraiser.

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fotiathymos · 4 years ago

Note

do you have trans hcs for any other characters in promare? :0

I do! under cut cause im a TALKER whoops.

uhhh trigger warning that i do talk a bit about transphobia and unsupportive family.

I realize in my last post I didn’t mention it but Gueira and Meis aren’t cis!

Gueira was born intersex and doesn’t agree to calling himself cis or trans. He is proud to be intersex. (do know this is a fictional character and not all real life people who are intersex agree or disagree with calling themselves cis or trans.)

Gueira uses he/him pronouns but doesn’t strictly dress masculine. Really just a comfy clothes wearer.

Meis is trans genderfluid. Mostly uses they/them pronouns and has girl days or boy days sometimes where they can be more okay with she/her or he/him. Just leans into a mix usually. Actually doesn’t like being called Gueira’s boyfriend and rather ‘partner’. Gueira says it like a cowboy usually to make Meis giggle.

I do enjoy Ignis being an trans elder. (He is like 55 in my mind not 40 as i think canon states?) Ignis knew Galo was trans upon entering the job but of course did not out Galo to everyone. Galo isn’t secretive about being trans though. When Galo finds out Ignis is trans he cries happy tears and hugs him, making Ignis just a lil uncomfortable but not rejecting the hug.. hes got a reputation Galo.

I always had it in my head that Galo joined Burning Rescue and challenged all their thoughts on gender and etc. Considering they all grew up in a strict propaganda filled city some of them mightve just heard of terms but not thought about it too hard for..reasons. But then Galo comes into the work place being the ‘queer kid’ and wouldn’t take any bullshit. He grew up mostly by themself, discovered things on his own and does still feel that outward pressure to conform (esp with Kray, Galo is the most ‘passing as cis’ as he can be around Kray most times). So I thought mostly about everyone in BR were cis, not all of them straight but cis...bbuuutttt

Galo makes everyone question their thoughts on gender cause Galo is so open about his own and loves helping others. Galo does ‘mask’ themself sometimes and at first joining didn’t go full blown open. But one day Lucia needs a tampon and Galo had one in his bag and Lucia is like ‘um what?’ Galo goes casual and just ‘oh yeah.. i don’t need them anymore but its become habit to carry it around yaknow and you never know when it could come in handy!’

Lucia is the first to question if its okay to be non-binary lesbian, like maybe shes not entirely strictly ‘girl’. She’s loud and proud about being gay, lesbian flag above her desk, talks bout going to lesbian bars and wanting to just hold a girls hand. So she’s the first to feel okay enough to question herself gender wise.

Varys is that guy you might know in life who is just chill about everything. Galo comes out to Varys casually one day and Varys doesn’t linger on it at all. “Trans? Hell yeah! We still going out for bbq? Double hell yeah!” But he’s also a guy you never know whats going on in their head. He just remembers weirdly specific things you say sometimes and comes back at you with them later. Galo mentioned briefly that sunflowers remind him of his mother. Varys mails Galo sunflowers when Galo takes the day off on his mothers bday. Varys also randomly texts Galo ‘hey you know how youre trans, can i be like not always a man?’

Remi............................reMI UH. Remi is weird in my head. I feel hes that guy who just makes everything into a TMI or sex joke or just awkwardly flirts with everyone he becomes friendly with. Like just pushes the boundaries cause he thinks were friends now i can do this, without realizing hes over stepped them. That guy who thinks just cause your his friend now we can talk about sex casually. Hes quick to apologize when told off but still. I’m horrible I feel like Remi is that guy who’d consider him getting pegged by his girlfriend means he’s in with the lgbt crowd. He’s cis and comfortable with that and is confused by non-binary identities but won’t insult his coworkers and respect them. Eventually he’ll learn that just cause you are over 18 now, not everything in the world is related to sex. Idk if that made sense or if I threw him under the die-cis-scum buss too hard.

AND THEN THERE IS AINA.

Who... I adore. And even my head canons for her contrast and complement Galo like her story/character in the movie. So....shes trans.

We don’t get info about her family life but I’m assuming her sister raised her by herself and the parents weren’t in the picture. Aina came out to her sister right out of high school. Heris was starting college and working to provide for her and Aina. She flipped out on her and her words were ‘i dont care if youre a girl or a boy but those hormones can be pricey we dont have insurance you cant get surgery your too young, etc etc’ Unsupported in misreading the situation as an inconvenience to money and life and not the actuality of Aina just being herself and wanting to be honest about it.

Aina gets ignored as her sisters career and life revolves around a sudden job with the Foundation. But Heris has money now. And is “supportive” in giving Aina money. Pays for her HRT, doctor visits, therapy, and then eventually training to be in Burning Rescue. And Heris is adamant that Aina never, EVER tells anyone she’s trans. Sweeps up any possible info about that under the rug. Doesn’t want to be looked at with a bad eye from Foresight. What Heris feels is a safety measure for her family is what Aina sees as shame. Kinda reflecting how Heris in the movie sees that shes doing ‘all this for you, Aina’ only for it to be cruel and harmful directly to Aina.

Aina doesn’t know what drew her to Galo. He’s cute and nice and friendly. Maybe it’s a crush? He understands me and no one ever did. He respects me for me. “Youre you Aina and theres nothing wrong with that.” (I forget the exact quote) The words play in her head for the longest time. She never came out to Burning Rescue for fear, cause Heris said not to, cause its ‘inconvenient’. And suddenly Galo is loud and proud about being trans??? Should she be too??

Eventually she confides in Galo. Probably after the Parnassus events. She realizes she doesn’t have a crush and was just not use to someone being nice to her and accepting her. She eventually tells the rest of Burning Rescue. Finds out Ignis knew all along due to paperwork but just once again, Captain isn’t gonna out his team member.

And then finally during a late night movie sleepover. Galo’s like ‘you know we should hang the trans and non binary flag on the front of the station.’ Lucia goes ‘YEAH a big FUCK YOU to the Foundations normies!!!!’ Aina says ‘we should really run that past Captain first...’ Finally Ignis walks in, tilts down his sunglasses and says ‘I planned for this’ and unveils a flag that just says ‘fight the cis-tem’ and Galo and Lucia SCREAM. Only Galo knew Ignis was trans til that point..

I made a STORY damn.

I hope that wasn’t... too much... thank for reading.... ;u;/

#boop answers #boops hcs #WORDS #i gotta not look at a screen for a while im shakinG #Anonymous #boop merps

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potteresque-ire · 5 years ago

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Writing Tag!

Tagged by @bounding-heart ❤️❤️❤️. Sorry for taking forever to reply! I also just realised there’s a “Statistics” page on AO3 to answer the questions. Yes, I’m hopeless 😅.

AO3 name: potteresque_ire

Fandoms: Harry Potter (Drarry), have also dipped my toes in Yuri!On Ice (Victuuri), Good Omens (Ineffable Hubbies).

Tropes: Hmm. I don’t think of fics by tropes -- I don’t search for fics by tropes or start writing with a trope in mind, but I do enjoy many of them and they do pop up in my stories every now and then. Enemies-to-lovers is always good. Yes to pining, hurt/comfort...

Number of fics: Leaving out drabbles and ficlets ... around 25 (I know it’s a small number * bows head in shame *)

Fic I spent the most time on: The fic that felt like I spent the longest on was Twelve Days of Christmas. Its premise, with Draco as someone who might or might not have lost his mind and Harry, who might or might not have got there before Draco, was kinda beyond my skills to execute at the time but I tried anyway 😊. It’s also the only fic I’ve written that I found truly depressing, because it’s got the worst fate I’ve given Harry by far (and I’ve assigned MCD to him several times)(sorry).

Fic I spent the least time on: For time-spent-per-word, The Kitchen Thieves (and the Kitchen Herself).

Longest Fic: Also The Kitchen Thieves (and the Kitchen Herself) (67k).

Shortest Fic: Among those I’ve given fic-level attention -- written with recipient in mind, edited and beta’ed — probably Owlcards and Letters from Beyond the Storm (~3.6k). Its time-per-word ratio was high though, because it was in a mixed media format and much time was spent on the images and fitting the text to them.

Most hits: Evolution, which has never ceased to surprise me. I assumed, at the time of posting, that this fic would be too event-less (opposite of eventful) to attract readership.

Most kudos: Evolution

Most comment threads: Owlcards and Letters from Beyond the Storm (published on LiveJournal; the fic is celebrating its 10th birthday this year.)

Most bookmarks: Evolution

Total word count: 362,612 according to AO3. It counts all the shorts and metas as well.

Favourite fic I wrote: Oh, this is difficult! My feelings towards my work tend to stem from the memories I have of the writing period, from who I was at the time, rather than from how the story turned out or how well it’s been received. Owlcards, for example, is highly significant for personal reasons but given the special circumstances of its birth, I doubt I can create something similar again even if I dearly wish I could.

From a more fannish perspective, I think my answer would be The Kitchen Thieves (and the Kitchen Herself), because I felt it best captured the Harry/Draco dynamics I was aiming for.

Why it was so, I think, is the same reason why this fic hasn’t been attractive to potential readers: its narration came from neither character of the main ship (it’s only after this fic that I learned it’s quite an unpopular thing to do). I’m not good at thinking like a person in love (deep-end aro-ace reporting here 😊) and while I’m getting better at “faking it”, I suspect there’s still a whole plethora of emotions I’m missing. But I’ve trained myself to read the signs of romance for years, taught myself how to approach people, real or fictional, caught in that whirlwind of emotions that leave me confused more often than I’d like to admit. Tumblr fandom is so much about pointing at a pair of characters and saying “they’re in love” (or, ”that’s gay”)... and I don’t really possess that drive, or insight, inherently. (For those who know Good Omens the series, I totally missed Aziraphale’s look after Crowley handed him back the books. That’s how bad I can be at picking up the signs of romance.) I’m therefore used to being a … somewhat removed observer of ships, sympathetic (hopefully) but not necessarily empathetic, and it’s easier for me to write about them that way. TL;DR: Kate the kitchen spirit in The Kitchen Thieves has a bit of me sometimes, staring at Harry’s and Draco’s crazy way of loving and going Whoa???

(Apologies for the TMI! I’ve got a super lovely string reviews on AO3 this week (thank you so much ❤️, V, I treasure all of them) and it got me thinking, it got me to notice that aside from the “you make me cry” comments, I also get a lot of reviews that mention the complexity, the ... heavy-handedness of my writing. I wonder if some of it is compensation. Because I don’t feel the romance of the story as much as many readers probably do, I layer on more emotions because I fear they don’t feel present, that they read inadequate. True? Not true? Something for me to think about. Regardless, I’ll probably keep layering because the emotions are there for myself, as well.)

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: The only fic I’ve ever had a sequel for in my mind is Memoria in Aeterna (yes, @bounding-heart, the bee fic!). The third Wizarding War would’ve broken out, and Draco, who’d long sequestered himself in the Water Quadrant, would’ve found the courage to re-enter society and join Harry for the fight. No happy endings for anyone. I don’t think I’ll write it up though; the climate of fandom has changed so much.

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: Here’s a bit from the (very) long Good Omens fic I’m currently struggling with:

===

Dead too, by the end of that snow shower, was any prospect of a future together between an angel and a human. Please forgive me for prying, Robbie would say to Aziraphale one day, while standing in front of the photo in the gentlemen club in Pall Mall. But I can’t be in love with someone I don’t even know the name of. Aziraphale would hold on to the books he’d been gifted, a collection of the Writer’s first edition works, nod and say lightly, I forgive you, before swallowing the words he’d practised saying over and over again in the bookshop.

My name is Aziraphale.

I’m an angel.

He wept that night, and several nights after, but unlike the many times he’d watched Romeo and Juliet, nobody was watching over him in the shadows.

Aziraphale was alone.

Meanwhile, a few districts down from Mayfair, the demon who’d known this all along, that mortals and immortals could never be mates without deceit and heartbreak, was stirring on a beam. The floor of the living room had disappeared under the letters her colleagues had slipped under the door over the years—commendations addressed to A. J. Crowley, DR letters complaining about the humanity of her new name. They’d piled high, and in twenty-four more years, one of them would reach high enough to tickle the demon’s nose.

She’d wake with a sneeze.

===

Tagging everyone who wants to do it!! :)

#pie memes

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theshinsun · 5 years ago

Note

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy.

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl.

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw.

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood.

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next.

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has.

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

#shin speaks #answered #finally getting to this a million years later #thanks friend!!#i'll get to the other prompts in a second but i felt bad about not finishing this one #tw death mention #tw alcohol mention #just to be safe

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ninatastic · 5 years ago

Photo

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c:

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

#ask #jeezus

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gwiiyeoweo · 6 years ago

Link

Gladio and Prompto walk past just in time to hear Noctis mention the trauma of ten years ago. Except, it turns out he’s talking about a different kind of ring entirely, and they wish they could scrub their ears clean of what they just heard because, uh, yeah TMI much.

Situational: Ignis and Noctis talk about Ignis putting on the ring Pairing: Ignis/Noctis, Prompto/Gladio (brief) Rating: T @ignoctweek

During the ten years of darkness, they learned a lot of and from each other.

Gladio, having spent nearly all his life learning the in's and out's of wilderness survival, still found himself challenged with the new dangers the constant night brought. He had to figure out new tactics, find ground that was decently safe since the havens no longer held their protective magic, learn to sleep with one eye open when he was forced to keep outside when he ventured too far from civilization and proper shelter.

Prompto forced himself to tuck away his camera in favor of not getting mauled by some daemon or Scourge-infected beast, no matter how perfect the snapshot would have looked. Sometimes, not even the most well-timed joke or gentlest smile could soften the blows of grief and desolation, and he had to let people ride out their own waves of sorrow.

They also learned just how Ignis had almost lost his life. Between horror and understanding, all they could do was bow their heads and take it as it was. A valiant effort made in the past, to keep their future king safe and alive. Neither could blame Ignis, especially knowing that any of them would have done much the same, if not something more drastic.

It was done out of love and loyalty, but dead kings didn't care for heart-rending stories. Gladio and Prompto couldn't fathom the idea of standing before the great phantoms, feeling their burning gaze cut deep into their very souls, to have them cut through their chests and gauge their hearts for whatever criteria of arbitrary "worthiness" the old beings held. Gladio never considered himself a coward; he's stared at death reflected in daemons and beasts, but something about having his soul dissected and laid bare before ancient kings did not strike any fancies. Prompto, well, was understandably not on board with the whole thing to begin with.

And the pain? Wretched, horrid, unimaginable. They could see only a glimpse of what he must have endured — despite his guard, there was the tell of his set jaw and the crawl of his hand toward his scarred finger — but they knew to not press. When they had first found him, crumpled to the ground and barely clinging to life, they almost feared to breathe as Noctis begged the Crystal to return what had been almost stolen.

It was a sight no one wanted to remember ever again.

"Ignis, did it uh… Hurt? Putting the ring on."

So when Gladio and Prompto cross the hall and hear Noctis' question through the crack of Ignis' office door, they thought better of their king.

Noctis, of all people, should be most understanding of Ignis' trauma, having watched the Ring drain the life of his father throughout his childhood and after the fall, feel its terrifying draw on his own life.

Gladio remembers racking his brain of all the first aid and emergency lessons he's been ingrained with, trying in vain to find a solution to the ashen skin and burning veins that crawled up his King's arm and neck. Prompto deleted every photo he managed to snap of Noctis using the Ring, feeling what little remained in his stomach threatening to climb up his throat. During the ten years, they managed to cull the daemon numbers around Insomnia but the city was still a nest itself; upon Noctis' return, they tried to pick off as many as they could before the Ring had to be used, and it was still used too many times in their opinions.

“I was nervous the first time I’ll admit,” they hear Ignis say, “but by the second try, I rather enjoyed the pressure.”

Gladio and Prompto jerk their heads to stare at each other in disbelief. There was a second try? What in the gods’ name happened that warranted Ignis wearing the Ring again? The first attempt should have never happened; it was a miracle the man survived the power of Kings, and he was bedridden for days even after the Crystal healed him of most of the injuries. And he enjoyed it? What.

Prompto reaches for Gladio’s arm before either of them can barge in there and demand an explanation, but Gladio is too quick (despite his massive bulk) and shoves the office door wide open.

“Oh, okay. It’s just, I just thought it might be interesting to try too so — “

Noctis cuts himself off the second Gladio stomps inside, Prompto quickly following after and having the mind to close the door behind them.

“Gladio? Prompto? Is something wrong?” Ignis rises from his seat, slightly alarmed at the urgency the two carry themselves with.

“Damn straight something’s wrong.” Gladio barely keeps his hands from slamming against the desk, and he leans over to see almost nose-to-nose with Ignis. “What’s this about wearing the Ring again? You know what happened the last time! We all do, Iggy, so why in the hell would you even — “

“Holy shit.” Noctis flies both his hands to his face and groans.

Ignis' eyebrows almost meet his hairline.

“Uh, yeah? Holy shit is kinda right, buddy. Seriously, Ignis, how come you two didn’t tell us?” It's Prompto's turn now, and though he doesn't share Gladio's tactic of getting up close and personal, his disapproving frown and crossed arms are just as potent.

“It’s a, ah, rather… private matter between Noct and I." Ignis slowly lowers himself back into his seat, pulling at his collar that seems just a tad too tight all of a sudden. "Really, you two, it isn't what you think it is."

“Dude. We know you’re a pair but we’re your best buds too! You can’t keep these sort of secrets from us.”

Noctis hunches over in his lap and whines like a dying dog, and he still hasn’t bothered to look them in the eyes.

Gladio notices and turns his eyes to Noctis, seeing that his loyal advisor refused to peep a word. “Hey, Majesty. Wanna explain?” he says in an impatient tone, narrowing his eyes. Noctis may not see, but he's sure his King can feel his scathing look.

“Gladiolus Amicitia,” Ignis nearly hisses, resorting to full names now. "I promise you it is not a topic for your ears —"

"Iggy! C'mon, don't keep something like this from us."

"Prompto's right. All these years together, the daemons, the battles. We have each other's backs, and we always will. You can tell us —"

“For fuck’s sake, it’s a cock ring!” Noctis yells, ripping his hands from his face, red as a ripe tomato. But just as quickly as he raised his head to finally give them the answer they so demanded, he ducks his face again into his hands.

A deafening silence follows, and the air suddenly becomes too warm. Ignis breaks the pregnant pause with a sigh and an irritated tap of his pen.

“Ohhh-kay then.” Prompto laughs nervously, already taking a few steps backward toward the door. "Yeah, that's uh. That's a ring alright."

Gladio takes a few extra beats to comprehend exactly what just transpired. He blinks, opens his mouth to speak, then closes it before any words come out. He ends up making a sour face as if he took a nice bite out of a rotten fruit; he almost wishes he had one just to chuck it at Noctis because why the hell are they talking about their sex life?

"For your information, this is my private office, and you two happened to barge in here by your own volition."

Gladio doesn't realize his thought must have slipped out, as Ignis answers him anyway. Before his big mouth starts blabbering on without his consent, he mutters an apology and turns on his heel to leave. Sure, he's an adult, he's no blushing maiden. But hearing about his King's kinks and sex life? Yeah, that was just weird. It's like learning about his brother's sex life, and considering Noctis is practically one, kinda gross. Super TMI.

He and Prompto walk down the corridor in silence, each digesting what they had heard in Ignis' office and wondering about the unfortunate circumstances that led to the misunderstanding. Perhaps, in a couple of weeks, they'll look back on it with good humor and maybe some whiskey; but for now, they'd rather just have the whiskey to forget about the whole thing.

"Hey, Gladio, you think we should buy one too?"

Ah, fuck it.

"Sure."

#ff15 #final fantasy xv #noctis lucis caelum #ignis scientia #prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia #ignoctweek #i can type

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therealcalicali · 7 years ago

Text

CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 3

Synopsis: Upon moving to a new city, the Reader crosses paths with Ivar, Hvitserk and the rest of the Lothbrok clan. Since her own life is already filled with internal demons from a strict upbringing, their introduction into her life only adds to the drama. As things progress, Reader discovers that there is more to her interactions with Ivar and Hvisterk than meets the eye.

Read the Prologue here: CLOSER TO ME: PROLOGUE

Read Chapter 1 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 1

Read Chapter 2 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 2

Read Chapter 4 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 4

Read Chapter 5 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 5

Read Chapter 6 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 6

Read Chapter 7 here: CLOSER TO ME: CHAPTER 7

Read Chapter 8 here: CLOSER TO ME CHAPTER 8

_____________________

Chapter 2 Warnings: Angst and Foreplay

Word Count: 8000+

Setting: Modern Vikings

Genre: Romance/Drama

Pairing: Ivar x Reader x Hvitserk (Love Triangle)

Tagged: @irishhiggins @mblaqgi @i-care-bout-you-boo @peaches-seed @sajess98

The following day, which was Sunday, you went to pick up your car from Club 52 with the help of Folaki. Hvitserk had promised to drive you but called last minute saying plans had changed. He didn't go into detail and basically said something very important had come up and he had to take care of it ASAP. You were a bit disappointed but understood that things like that happened. Him being unable to make it actually worked out fine since Folaki had been eager to see you anyway. She had been texting you incessantly saying she had allot to tell you. Naturally when you called her for the ride, she jumped at the chance to to spend time with you.

After you got your vehicle, you parked it at your apartment and the two of you drove to a trendy nearby coffee shop. It seemed that Folaki had quite a good time after you had left the party because she wouldn’t stop grinning the entire ride. When the you arrived at the BEAN THERE, the two of you took the booth furthest in the back.

So..?” You said in an inquisitive way as you both sat down.

“So.....” Folaki said with a huge smile. “I slept with him.”

Her frankness almost made you choke on your water. You started laughing and kicked her under the table.

“What?” Folaki smirked with a fake innocent shrug. “You think we stayed up all night talking about the meaning of life?” She seemed to reminisce a bit about her escapade with Bjorn as she spoke. “Don’t get me wrong we talked about allot of things but the sexual tension was just too much. And let me just say, it was AMAZING!” She was practically hopping up and down in her seat as she spoke. “I don’t know what it is....but those Danish men...........” She pretended to fan herself. “they sure know how to please a woman. I had to beg him to stop cause I couldn’t take any more orgasms.”

“Okay!’ You said scrunching your brows. “I think you’ve wandered into the TMI zone.”

Folaki shrugged and looked at you with a teasing expression.

“It is what it is. She laughed and straightened up in her seat. “We’re going to the movies tonight.”

“Wow. You guys are in a whirlwind romance.”

“Life’s too short to waste time trying to play it safe all the time, you know. Just my little two cents Y/N. Anyway...” Folaki shot you a devious smirk. “What about you? What happened with Hvitserk?”

You shyly stirred your iced water and poked at the lemon wedge inside. Finally, you looked at your friend and told her that he had indeed come to see you.

“I knew it!” An excited Folaki said nearly screaming. “I knew he liked you more than he liked that bat-shit crazy blonde. So what happened?”

“Well, first of all, I was hanging out with Ivar, you know, his younger brother--”

“Ivar? A stunned Folaki said leaning closer. "Wait! The the dark, brooding one that was picking on you all night during the birthday party?” Folaki asked totally confused. “That Ivar?”

“Yeah. I know. I didn’t understand why he came to see me either. In fact, I still don’t but, it wasn’t bad actually.” You paused remembering how he had held your hand. “He was pretty okay to be around....at least when he wasn’t complaining about one thing or another.” You laughed.

Folaki raised an eyebrow raised with curiosity.

“Hmmm. I don’t know. That’s kinda odd don’t you think?” She asked in a singy-songy tone.

“Yeah. But maybe he wants to make amends. Like a restart.”

“Come on Y/N. Just think about it. Why would he want to be around you after the way he treated you?” Folaki thought for a moment and looked like she wanted to say something else. Instead, she just cocked her head at you. “Besides, if he wanted to apologize, he could have done that at Bjorn’s house.....I think there's more to it." She gave you a look to convey that you were being naive. "Anyway, your’re a better person than me because I wouldn’t have let him in.”

“I know but, I think I've developed a soft spot for him. I’m certain that he’s so moody because of his....you know...disability.” You said honestly. “I feel kind of bad for him, despite how he treated me before.”

Folaki shook her head and stated that you were one of the nicest people she knew before asking you to continue your story. After you ran down the entire night to her, she sat back in her seat and looked at you for a moment.

“Wait, let me get this straight. You guys were making out while Ivar was still there?” She shook her head. “Geez! Wasn’t that a bit awkward?”

“Not really.” You replied as you looked over the menu. “And it wasn’t like it was intentional.”You added. “Anyway, he was gone by the time Hvitserk and I returned to the living room. Hvitty said he probably had to pick up his girlfriend or something.”

“Hvitty?” Folaki echoed. “So we’re giving out nicknames now? When should I expect my invitation to the wedding?”

You laughed and rolled your eyes before explaining that ‘Hvitty’ was a nickname that close family called him. Surprisingly, he had asked you to feel free to call him that as well. As you two were speaking, Jason, you coworker and friend came and sat down. The three of you exchanged pleasantries as he took off his denim jacket.

“So, how was work yesterday?”

“Ugh! It was crazy packed. But Skrillex was performing though so I can’t complain.” He paused. “You guys ordered yet?”

“No, we were waiting for you.” You replied.

After you guys ordered your food, the drinks arrived. As you all were in the middle of a casual conversation, you remembered the promise Folaki had made.

“So tell me about the Lothbroks.”

“Oh yeah. I guess I did promise to fill you in.” Folaki said with a little bit of a sigh. “First, you have to promise that you won’t freak out.”

Initially, you laughed until you realized that she was dead serious. Even Jason looked at you with a serious expression as if he agreed with Folaki’s request. Their change in demeanor made you even more curious so naturally, you promised.

“I’m serious. You can’t get upset or--”

“Or go running to ask them about it.” Jason interrupted. “It’s not the world’s best kept secret but I doubt they would want you bringing up their family reputation. Especially if you’re going to be hanging around them.”

“I..I promise.” You said eagerly waiting to hear what they had to say.

Folaki looked at Jason and then back at you before she began.

“The truth is, the Lothbroks are wealthy, but they built their wealth by......they're--.”

“They’re one of the most powerful mafia clans around.” An excited Jason blurted. “They’re billionaires. He shook his head in disbelief as he sipped his coffee. “I can’t believe you’ve never heard of them before though. I’m not here to judge. Just get me into the parties and stuff and I’ll be straight.”

You were absolutely floored. All along you thought your friends were going to say something like the Lothbroks embezzled money or masterminded a stock-market scam. Never in a million years would you have guessed that they were going to tell you that Hvitserk’s family was a criminal syndicate.

“Are you okay?” Folaki asked as the food arrived at the table.

“Yeah. I’m...I’m a little shocked to tell you the truth.”

“There’s no need to start acting different or anything.” She said as she bit a french fry. “After all, they’re the same people they were before we said anything.”

“Exactly.” Jason said in agreement.

“Yeah.” You managed to say wearily.

_______________________________________

Back at home, you threw your purse on the counter in the kitchen and sat down on the couch to sort your thoughts. As you got comfortable, you received a call from Hvitserk. After what you had been told by your friends, you hesitated. You finally decided to pick up after the third ring though. A relieved Hvitserk immediately stated that he was glad that he got a hold of you instead of having to leave a message. He then informed you that he was at the airport waiting to board a private jet for an unexpected business trip.

“I’m so sorry. I know we had plans to meet up tomorrow before you went to work in the evening. But I’ll bring you back something cool.”

“Where are you going??” You asked as you tried to sound as normal as possible.

You were still thinking about the fact that his family was basically mafia. Criminals to be exact. Since you had intended to read more about them online prior to him calling, it was awkward as hell.

“I’m headed to Dubai to take care of some development deals for my Father’s company. I should be back in less than a week if things go as expected.” As he was speaking, the other line of his phone lit up.

It was Margrethe but he ignored her call, sending it straight to voicemail. You and Hvitserk chatted for roughly twenty minutes about random things like your favorite movies as he waited for the Pilot to inform him of departure time.

“Alight, min dagdrømmer (Danish: My daydreamer), I guess they’re ready for me. I’ll call you as soon as I get a chance, okay?”

“Okay. But can I ask you something before you go?”

“Sure.”

“What is it that you’re calling me?”

“Min dagdrømmer? Hvitserk chuckled. It just means My Daydreamer. Why? Do you mind having a nickname?”

“No, I don’t mind. I was just curious about what you were saying.” You laughed.

“What so funny Y/N?” An amused Hvitserk asked.

“You’re actually on the nose with that nickname. I’ve been called a daydreamer all my life.”

“Well, that’s not a bad thing you know.” He said with sincerity. “Anyway, I gotta run.”

“Okay Hvitty. Have safe flight.” You said as the two of you ended the call.

Despite now being aware of his families activities, you still liked Hvitserk a great deal. Perhaps they weren’t as bad as you were thinking. After all, the Kennedys were a crime family before getting into politics. Barely five minutes after you got off the line with Hvitserk, you received a text from a private number.

When you were done conversing with Ivar, you were still even more confused as to why he suddenly seemed to like interacting with you.

“It’s like dealing with two different people. One minute he’s nice, the next he’s an ass” You laughed to yourself.

________________________________

A very exhausted Hvitserk boarded the private jet and removed his stylish Burberry trench coat He made himself comfortable in the main seating area as the crew prepared for takeoff.

Turning on the television, he glanced at his phone and noticed that Margrethe had called him seven times during his call with you. Exhaling deeply, he sent her a text that he was headed to Dubai and that he would call her when he got a chance.

Immediately, he received a text back from a very livid Margrethe asking why he couldn’t call her once it was safe to do so in the plane. Rolling his eyes, Hvitserk replied that he was very tired and not in the mood to talk. He threw his phone to the side and pressed a button to recline the luxurious leather seat. He could hear his phone vibrate signaling that Margrethe was sending more texts but he ignored it. Instead, he grabbed his business cell and called Sigurd.

“Hey. I just got off the phone with Lagertha. You boarded yet?” Sigurd asked as soon as he picked up.

“Yeah.” Hvitserk said as a stewardess placed a glass of champagne in front of him as well as a platter of fresh fruit. “I don’t see why one of you couldn’t go. I’m always globetrotting. I still feel like I jut got back from South Africa yesterday.”

“I know but you’re the only one that has no specific project at the moment. And Ivar’s doctors forbid him to fly until he’s fully healed and done with physical therapy. I would have gone in your place but....well, you know.” Sigurd with sincerity.

“I know. You and Alfred have tons to do at the label. Well, at least this gives me a break from Margrethe.” Hvisterk chuckled.

“You should really resolve that Hvitty.” Sigurd said with firmness. “You talk to me about Y/N but it seems like you’re still entangled with Margrethe.”

“I like Y/N allot but, things are just........complicated.”

“Not really! If you’re done with Margrethe, just be done with her!” Sigurd advised as Hvitserk sighed knowing very well his little brother was right.

“Hey, before I let you go, do me a favor.” A tired Hvitserk said as he stretched. “Watch over Y/N for me. You know just in case she needs anything or something like that.”

“No problem. I’ll assign someone to be your eyes.” Sigurd said with a hint of disgust. “Later.”

“Later.”

_______________________

“So, are you going to help me or not?” Margrethe’s cousin Frida asked her dark haired male friend as he took a seat on her couch.

He shrugged as she got up and opened up the balcony window. Asking him to follow her outdoors, they two of them went to her backyard so she could get a smoke while they continued the conversation.

“Just cut straight to the chase Frida. Who’s the job for and who’s it on? The very serious Gils asked as he took a cigarette from the pack of Marlboro Reds she offered him.

As Frida lit her cigarette and handed him the lighter, she nodded.

She knew that Gils liked to do clean jobs only. He didn’t like complications and he liked to know that whomever he hit, wasn’t protected or connected. Meaning, they weren’t in a family or clan that could hand out serious retribution. He was a professional and that’s what Frida loved about him. The fact that they had once dated gave her an advantage as she tried to convince him to help her fulfill Margrethe’s wish.

“I get your apprehension but you don’t have to worry. It’s my cousin Margrethe so you don’t have to worry about about it being as a set-up.” Puffing her cigarette and letting out the smoke slowly, Frida continued. “The girl is a random with no connections. So that means we don’t have to worry about retaliation if we’re ever found out.........” She paused. “Not like that would ever happen.”

Gils looked at Frida for a little while as he smoked the cigarette down. As the smoke rose into the night sky, he finally looked at Frida and nodded, agreeing to do the contract. Very happy to have his expertise on board, Frida gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks doll. I knew you’d come through for me.”

“Anything for you Frida, you know that. But before I regret saying yes, how much is it paying?” He added as he took a drag.

“Five grand each.”

“That’s too low Frida. Bump it to Ten. I know it’s your cousin and all but shit like this costs money. If it were anyone else, I’d charge double that.”

“Fine. I’ll going to see her tomorrow so I’ll let her know.”

“Nah, text her now.”

Nodding, Frida grabbed her cell and sent a text message to Margrethe letting her know ‘Make it 10 each.’ The message was vague enough for Margrethe to understand and not incriminating if anyone else saw it.

Passing a beer to Gils, Frida clinked their bottles together.

“To a good job and a good payday.

“You said it, now let’s go eat something sweetie, I’m starved.”

______________________________

Somewhere around 9:45 pm while you were doing your laundry, you received a call from Alfred. Very glad that he had returned your text, you immediately picked up. After all, the two of you had a ‘date’ coming up. You thanked him for returning your text as soon as you answered.

“I’m sorry for contacting you so late. I would have text you earlier but the time got away from me.” You truthfully said.

“I totally understand. We all get tied up with life now and then.. How has your day been?”

“It’s been fine. And yourself?”

“It’s been good. Not really over yet thought. I’m still at work but that’s part of the territory.”

“If you don’t mind me being nosy, what do you do Alfred?”

“I don’t mind at all. I’m the VP of LMG Records.”

Your ears perked up big time. LMG Records was one of the biggest music labels next to Sony, Universal and Warner. It was an upstart company that rose very quickly to become one of the ‘Big 4′. You were impressed with Alfred’s achievement because you knew to be in such an important position meant he was very intelligent.

“That’s amazing. So do you like it......by that I mean, do you get to have fun sometimes? Like release parties and things like that?”

“I have access but I typically don’t attend.”

“Oh my God, why not?” You asked totally surprised by his ability to be nonchalant about celebrity filled parties. “Is it because of your schedule?”

“No, they make sure we have time to attend those events but I’ve just never had good reason to go.” He paused. “Perhaps next time something comes up, I’ll take you. You seem to be the adventurous type.”

You laughed and thanked him but insisted that he give you a chance to earn the right to attend such parties.

“You’re already taking me to meet my idol and that’s like beyond my wildest dreams. Let me at least buy you a coffee or something before I feel like a selfish creep.” You giggled which made Alfred smile despite you being totally unaware. “Maybe after a few scones, we can call it even and I can accept more invitations.”

“Okay. We’ll go to a French cafe I know afterwards.” He went silent a moment and came back onto the line. “I really hate to cut our conversation short but I need to wrap up some paperwork. If it’s alright, I’ll call you tomorrow evening.”

“That’s cool. But I start work at eight.”

“I was planning to call you later than that.”

“Well, I do take a break around 1:00 am. But that’ll be super late for you won’t it?”

“No. I’ll be awake. I stay at the office extremely late on Mondays. I’ll call you.”

“Great. Have a great night Alfred.”

“You too.”

_____________________________

When Alfred hung up, his brother Aethelred walked in with his briefcase and coat in hand. He looked around his brother’s office and noticed he had not shut down his computer. From the looks of it, his half-brother was intending to stay late yet again.

“You know, I overheard you talking to that girl. Y/N wasn’t it?”

“Yes?

“Well, I think it is a good thing. She seems sweet and perhaps might rub off on you if we’re lucky.” Alfred titled his head and looked at his brother with a confused expression.He folded his hands on his desk and sat up very straight.

“Rub off on me? Meaning what exactly?”

“Perhaps she can get you to enjoy life a little. You can’t go from work-to-home and home-to-work all the time. It’s ridiculous.”

“Brother, I find solace in work. I enjoy it. Perhaps you better spend more time concerning yourself with the grand opening of the Mercia Casino. Our Fathers and Ragnar are counting on you to make it a massive success.”

“It will be.”

“You’re quite relaxed for a man with a 3.9 billion dollar project in his hands.” Alfred smiled as he leaned back in his executive seat.

“I have everything in order. Besides, with all the investors being friends and family, I’ve taken extra care, overseeing every detail.” A very confident Aethelred said as he shot his brother a proud expression. “Anyway, I’m headed home. Thanks again for letting me and my team use the premises.”

“No problem. It’s all yours until your executive offices are finished.”

“Goodnight.......and don’t stay too long.” Aethelred yelled as he exited Alfred's’ office towards the elevators.

Alfred stood up from his desk and stretched as he went over to the massive windows that overlooked the city. As he enjoyed the the site of the dancing lights that twinkled in the darkness, he ran his hand through his long hair. He stood there a while as he pondered what Aethelred had said.

______________________________

Boom! Boom! Boom! Came the pounding on your door. Sitting up in bed, you looked at the time on your alarm clock.

“What the hell? It’s after midnight. Who’s insane enough to come to someone's house at this hour?” You said to yourself then as you slowly went to the living room and then the front door.

When you looked through the peephole who expected to see Folaki or Jason but instead were met with the site of Ivar. He had his hair down and was wearing an expensive tailor-made dark grey suit. You opened the door and and yawned as he walked past you into the apartment.

He sat on the couch without saying anything and put his crutch down before removing the blazer and throwing it on your love-seat. You waited for him to say something, anything to explain why he was at your house at such an ungodly hour but he didn’t. Instead, Ivar grabbed the remote and turned on the television.

“Ivar!”

“Y/N!” He mimicked your tone and cadence.

You groggily walked over to where he was on the couch to try to take the remote from him but he spotted you from the corner of his eye. As soon as you reached for the remote, Ivar grabbed your wrist. He then tossed the remote aside and used his two hands to bring you across his lap.

“Ivar, I don’t want to sit in your lap”

“Of course you do.” He said as if it was a definite fact. “I want you to watch this show with me. It’s really good.”

Despite all your struggling , you were still seated in his lap with his arms firmly wrapped around your waist.

“Ivar!” You shouted in frustration.

“Why do you love screaming my name so much Y/N?” He smirked alluringly as you sighed loudly with irritation.

“First of all, it’s too late for me to watch television. Secondly, I want to sleep.”

“Okay. Then..... go to sleep.” Ivar said nonchalantly with his hands still around you.

“I swear--.”

“You shouldn’t swear!” He chuckled as he interrupted you.”Listen mus (Danish: mouse), you need to calm down. I wanted to see you so I came over. What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m.....you........ugh!!!” You were so exasperated you couldn't even find the words to express what you wanted to say.

Ivar shrugged and gave you a very mischievous grin as you turned to look at the TV.

“Look at me.” He said softly when realized you were trying to ignore him.

Still annoyed, you looked at him. Making sure to let him know that you had an attitude, you folded your arms and furrowed your brow. However, Ivar totally no sold it and acted oblivious to all your pouting.

“What is it?” You said with a frown which, for some reason, made him smile.

Since you were sitting in his lap, you were looking downwards at Ivar. Despite being very angry with him, it dawned on you in that moment just how extremely gorgeous he looked. The white dress shirt, blue tie and grey slacks all screamed runway model. Being very perceptive, Ivar noticed that you were taking-in his appearance. He intentionally stared into Y/N eye so intensely that you had no choice but to look away.

“What’s the matter?” He asked knowing full well what he was doing.

“Ivar! For the love of God, let me go to bed.” You shouted.

Finally, it seemed like you got through to him. He released his hold of you which finally allowed you to stand. Immediately you left the living room towards your bedroom. If he wanted to watch television, it was fine with you, but you wanted to get some rest.

_______________________________

As you got comfortable in you Queen size bed, you slipped off your pajama bottoms because the weather was sweltering. If Ivar wasn’t there, you would have loved to sleep in just your panties.

Not even five minutes into settling in comfortably and trying to drift off, you felt the mattress sink a little. You turned over and there getting comfortable next to you was Ivar wearing only his black boxer briefs.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you sat up in the bed. “And where are your clothes?”

“It’s too hot for clothes”

“So?”

“So, I want to be comfortable.” He smiled as he laid his head on a pillow. “Just like you.”

Ivar looked you up and down and chuckled. You quickly remembered that you had taken off your pajama bottoms for that very reason.

“You know what?...........” You looked at a smug Ivar who gave you a wink. It made you lose your train of thought so you gave up. “I swear, you’re worse than my little sister.”

“You have a sister?”

You wanted to ignore him, you really did. He was annoying you beyond anything you had experienced outside of your sibling but you couldn’t. Ivar had a way of sounding innocent and nice at times. Since he seemed really interested in what you had said, you decided to respond.

“Yeah. Emma. She’s nine. My parents call her ‘the unexpected little miracle’.” You smiled as you thought about how much you missed seeing her everyday.

“Do you have other siblings or just her?” He asked while swooping his long dark hair to one side.

The motion caused his biceps and shoulder muscles to flex. It was quite distracting as one could imagine. You tried your best not to stare at his very toned upper body and six pack but it wasn’t working. You decided it was best for you to lay back down so you didn’t have to see him.

“I have one more. My nineteen year old brother Ryan is away at Princeton.” You sighed because you recollected how much your parents bragged about his achievement to make you feel unaccomplished.

It was still so very hard for you to accept how differently they treated you ever since you changed majors from Laboratory Science to Fine Arts. Not that you didn’t expect them to be dissapointed but you didn’t expect them to be, well, so harsh.

“What’s wrong, mus?” Ivar asked as he stroked your cheek very gently.

He was practically hovering over you as he propped himself with his elbow.Since he was looking down at you, his hair fell forward veiling his face and tickling your cheeks. You hadn’t realized that you had zoned out thinking about all your family problems and the evidence of it was written all over your face. You did look quite sad. Ivar could tell something was wrong as he looked into Y/C eyes with suspicion.

“I asked you a question.” He reaffirmed trying to goad you into talking.

“It’s....it’s not important.” You said as you tried to pull a sheet over your lower half.

The last thing you wanted was for Ivar to see your panties should your pajama top ride up. You turned on your side facing away from him and attempted to drift off to sleep but he turned you over again.

“Will you stop it already?”

“But I haven’t done anything.” He said innocently as he pulled you closer.

He laid his arm over your waist and snuggled his face into the crook of your neck. The intoxicating scent of his skin mingled with his woody and spicy cologne was almost too much to take. Add to that, the warmth of his muscular body against yours, it was all surely a recipe for disaster.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” You said as you tried to move away from him.

As crazy as it was, you had actually started thinking Ivar was fun to be around. Was he irritating, mean and demanding? Yes! But he was also funny when he wanted to be and had the ability to make you smile. However, this, was not good. Laying in bed with him was not cool.

Despite telling yourself all this, you didn’t stop Ivar as he began to trace his fingers lightly against your skin. He stopped abruptly and you sensed he was looking at you to gauge your reaction before proceeding. Laying his head closer to your neck, he began to slowly pull the pajama top upwards making the fabric glide against your skin, tickling you slightly. When he had finally exposed your panties and stomach, he moved his hand higher towards your chest all while still looking at you.

Since your eyes had been closed, you opened them only to find yourself looking directly into Ivar’s intense blue eyes that were now full of lust. He wet his pouty lips with his tongue as you stared at each other causing you to gasp slightly.

“This must be the sexual tension Folaki was talking about.” You thought.

Knowing you had to make a decision quickly before things got out of hand, you opened your mouth to speak but Ivar took that opportunity to do what he’d been dying to do since he laid eyes on you. His lips came crashing onto yours softly as he kissed you hungrily. He caught you so off guard that you left out a soft whimper which aroused him further as he drove his tongue into your mouth. You could hear Ivar’s breathing become erratic as kissed you deeper. Your own heart raced uncontrollably as you felt his free hand run up your body eventually cupping your breast. The sensation of Ivar’s hand on your breasts sent waves of arousal throughout your body. When he felt you giving in to his touch, Ivar gently pulled your pajama buttons open.

In one swift move, he pushed your bra downward exposing your bare breast as he continued kissing you. Slowly, Ivar ran the palm of his hand against your nipple sending, what felt like electricity, to your core. It was all too much for your senses. You tried to push him off but he leaned over you further pressing you into the pillow in a helpless position.

Your mind was racing with many thoughts but despite wanting to stop, you were definitely enjoying it. Ivar nibbled, bit and tongued your mouth and neck in ways you had not experienced. Hvitserk was amazing but Ivar was like a man possessed. It was as if he wanted to possess your body. The kissing seemed to be his way of giving you a preview of the kind of lover he was, should you give in.

Ivar pulled you closer and then moved his hand to your neck, gently gripping it dominantly. Brushing his nose against yours, he looked at you a moment before placing a peck on your lips. He then brushed his lips against yours tenderly and smiled.

“You’re a great kisser Y/N.” He said in a seductive tone before giving you another peck.

He ran his fingers against the small of your back causing you to to wrigle a little at the sensation.

“You surprise me.” He smiled as he placed another kiss on your forehead. “I thought you’d be very stiff and frigid. You seemed like the type.”

You started getting annoyed but he smiled innocently at you and brought his lips to yours for another heart-stopping kiss. You knew in the back of your mind that this was just so wrong but it felt................so incredible.

After breaking the kiss, Ivar pulled you closer and yawned. Apparently, he was just as tired as you were. He softly kissed your cheek as he snuggled you into his arms. It didn’t take long for a very tired Ivar to drift off to sleep, his face buried in the crook of your neck. You laid awake a while longer tracing you fingers along his fingers that rested on your bare stomach. Then it hit you. The massive pangs of guilt came all at once. This was Hvitserk’s little brother you just made out with!!! If you really wanted to try to build something with him, you couldn’t let yourself be weak with Ivar again.

You had no excuses to give. Ivar was a hot guy and you made-out with him despite knowing full well that if Hvitserk found out, things would end before they even began. As you closed your eyes and drifted to sleep, you resolved to keep Ivar at a distance from now on.

_________________________________

“Son of a bitch!” Ingrid said as she called Ivar for the eight time. Fed up, she threw her cell phone and pouted on the couch.

She was spending the night at Margrethe’s since Bjorn and Ubbe refused to let her stay at their home if Ivar wasn’t around. Not that she didn’t have her own apartment to go home to but, she preferred being around luxurious things, and dating Ivar afforded her that quite well.

“Where the fuck is he? He promised to pick me up after the event.” The blonde said as she shifted on the couch.”I don’t understand why Rangar and Lagertha hate me so much. This wouldn’t have happened if they had allowed me to attend.”

Taking a drag of her marijuana vape pen, she shot an angry look at a now chuckling Margrethe.

“What’s so funny? Last time I checked, you don’t get to go to their family events anymore either.”

Margrethe shrugged and propped her head up as she laid on the floor near the television.

“I’m just laughing at how you’re stressing over Ivar. You’re totally overreacting. He’s a cripple! You act like he’s not grateful that someone like you actually decided to date him.” She laughed. “He probably got drunk and crashed at someone's house.

“You’re probably right.” Ingrid said thoughtfully as she calmed herself. “What about Hvitserk, did he call you from the plane?”

“Nope.”

“Why? You can make calls once it reaches a certain altitude. Everyone knows that.” A nosey Ingrid pushed.

“I know. He’s been acting a little weird since...” Margrethe made a disgusted face. “Since he got caught kissing that....that...that bitch!”

Ingrid twisted her lips in a show of understanding. She then asked if Hvitserk had said anything about the incident since that night.

“He just keeps telling me that he likes her but he doesn’t know her that well yet so...”

“So he doesn’t know if he’s going to take you back or start dating Y/N?”

Margrethe sighed and laid back down. She ran her hands through her hair and let out a scream of frustration. Ingrid looked at her like she was crazy but kept her comments to herself.

“I’m going to see how things play out. After what happened, any decent girl would leave him alone. If she doesn't stay away from him, I already have an ace up my sleeve.” A very confident Margrethe said as she rolled onto her side and looked at Ingrid.

“And what’s that?”

“Let’s just say that if she keeps messing with Hvitty, she’ll regret the day she met him.”

_______________________

On Monday morning, you woke up a little after noon and discovered that Ivar was not there. Not just in the bed, but in the apartment. You had no idea when he had left, but you were sort of glad he was gone. The guilt of making out with him was eating you up and the last thing you wanted to do was to face him. As you took a brisk shower, your thoughts kept going back to all the heavy petting and kissing.

You were reliving it all despite not wanting to. You mind was doing it’s own things and it was getting on your nerves. After putting on a pair of denim shorts and a white t-shirt, you brushed your hair into a ponytail and applied some eyeliner and mascara because it was just too hot to do anything else.

Your first thought was to go to the grocery store, buy a few things for the week and then lounge around till it was time for work. Looking at your phone you were surprised to see that Hvitserk had sent you a text. He stated that he was still on the plane which made you laugh.

“Wow. It must take forever to get to Dubai.” You thought.

You immediately text him back and asked how much longer he had to go. To your surprise, he called you not even two minutes after you sent the message.

“Hey, miss me?” Hvitserk asked sounding a bit tired.

“Of course.” You replied as you laughed at how tired he sounded. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Yes. I’m actually still in bed--”

“Bed?” You asked a bit confused but then you remembered he was on a private jet and some of them were posher than most homes.

“So, you have to work today?” He asked.

You put your car keys down and sat at the dining table as you continued conversing with Hvitserk. He was tired but definitely in the mood to chat because the two of you had talked for almost an hour when suddenly, you heard a knock. After asking him to hold on, you walked to the door and looked to see who it was. It was Ivar. He had a bag in his hand that you assumed was from a restaurant. So, despite not wanting to let him in, you did.

Before Ivar could speak, you put your finger to your lips, to instruct him to be quiet. Instantly, his smile became a frightening scowl.

To help him out, you took the restaurant bag from him as he entered the apartment. Taking a seat on the couch, Ivar frowned at you as he placed his crutch against the coffee table.

It was obvious that he had went home for a shower and change of clothes but what you didn’t understand was why he wanted to be around you again. You thought that he would have felt as guilty as you did about what had happened between you two. But obviously, he didn’t.

“Everything okay?” A curious Hvitserk asked since you had been quiet for a little while.

“Uh, yeah. It’s...”

As you tried to answer, you kept getting distracted by Ivar. He kept asking who you were talking to in a very low whisper. When you kept ignoring his question, he cocked his head and glared at you.

“Who are you talking to?” Ivar’s voiced boomed.

You were mortified because he had been so intentionally loud, there was no way that Hvitserk had not heard him.

“Ivar’s there?”

“He...just got here.” You said to Hvitserk as you frowned at Ivar. “He was the one at the door when I told you to hold on.”

Despite you looking upset, Ivar shrugged and turned on the television. He was determined to not allow you to ignore him. The fact that Hvitserk was on the line with you, didn’t phase him one bit. If you were mad, he felt you should have been mad at yourself for not answering his question. And for not being truthful with Hvitserk about his presence in the first place

You conversed with Hvitserk a while longer until he abruptly asked you to put Ivar on the phone. Taking the phone over to him, you rolled your eyes and told Ivar that his brother wanted to speak to him. He took your cellphone from you but as you walked away, Ivar grabbed you onto his lap. The two of you struggled a moment until you realized that if you kept going, you would make too much noise. The last thing you wanted was for Hvitserk to wonder what was happening. Giving in, you sat on his lap as he began speaking with Hvitserk.

‘Hey.”

“How was your appointment?”

“Not you too.” Ivar scoffed. “You’re beginning to act like Ubbe.”

“I don’t see why you get so mad when all we’re trying to do is be supportive.” Hvitserk countered a bit annoyed that Ivar always got an attitude whenever they tried to show concern for his health. “It’s what families do.”

“That’s all good and well but I don’t like to be coddled.” Ivar said before looking directly at you. “So, how’s Margrethe?” He asked his stunned brother.

If you and Hvitserk could have seen each other’s reactions, it would have been priceless. Both of you cringed at the mention of her name. Which, of course, was exactly what Ivar had intended. You knew that Margrethe was still an open issue. Since Hvitserk had not provided clear answers about his status with her, you felt a sting of jealously upon hearing her name. As for Hvitserk, he felt the the awkwardness as well. She was a topic he had hoped to avoid for at least a little while longer. Obviously, he was very angry that Ivar had brought Margrethe up in your presence.

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typeonebro · 5 years ago

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Hi, I’m probably just some rando and you’re seeing my post because of the tag or something. That’s fine. I just think this is a good way to get my feelings out. So, uh...you can keep scrolling :)

Anywhoo. I’m gonna just tell the story of my diagnosis and how, 3 months ago, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. Some info to know before I start: I’m 15 (sixteen in April (just had to mention that)), I’m still new and confused, and I’m really putting myself out there by doing this. But the anonymity makes me feel better tbh. That’s all so ill start...

In July of 2019, I weighed 152 lbs. I wasn’t upset about it and I didn’t have any plans of losing it. But by the time mid-August came around, i weighed 132 lbs. It was odd to me because I wasn’t trying to lose weight. Sure, I was eating less, but I assumed I was growing because I grew half a foot in 7th grade when I lost my appetite. I told my grandparents and they blew it off, so I did too and eventually forgot to even mention it to my dad.

That was just the start. In September and October, my nose, which was previously red, became worse and I got really thirsty. And I mean really thirsty. After school every day, my dad would take my brother and i to the gas station and he’d let us get a drink and a snack. I got two drinks and would have them both finished within 20 minutes. After finishing a liter of Coke and a large bottle of orange juice, I would think ‘wow, that’s new. must be my new thing instead of eating a lot’. And, honestly, drinking a gallon of oj and finishing a whole box of caprisuns did become my trademark. My grandpa began to buy two gallons of orange juice just for me. Yeah...we were that clueless.

On top of the constant drinking, there was also constant peeing. In October, it was every hour and a half, two hours. By November, i was using the bathroom every thirty minutes to an hour. And it might be a little tmi, but this led to a yeast infection :\. I really don’t want to tell anyone that. Not even my closest friends know. But it’s a lesser spoken about thing with diabetes. And it’s not that gross. Okay, it is, but it’s important to talk about.

So, November is kinda when things started to go south. I had been feeling weak since October and I started to miss school with a urinary tract infection, stomach viruses, and more. I was drinking more than ever, my tongue was sticking to the top of my mouth, I was awake every hour of the night; either peeing or trying to soothe my cramping legs. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I knew I was dying. I was just too numb to speak up about it.

SO. The climax of the story: the last week of November. Sunday at the Christmas service at church, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe throughout the week, but the ironic part was on a Tuesday. I was feeling sick (as always at this point) and I told my friend, “Every time I look up my symptoms, diabetes comes up. I think I have diabetes”.

Ok--break. I should mention that I was (and still am) one of those people who joked about it. In my defense, I was half-serious because I had experienced hypoglycemia many times since I was ten and I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. But I was still joking. And I would like to apologize. I’m sorry, fellow diabetics.

Back to the story: my friend told me that I should talk to my dad and tell him what I told her. So I did. He told me that I shouldn’t self-diagnose and that I was just being a hypochondriac. I said ok and we went on with our day.

Two days later, I’m still waking up every hour to pee and my leg is still cramping. But today, I feel a bit worse than usual. I don’t have the energy to squeeze myself into a pair of new jeans and I go to school, hoping my dad will see the pain I’m in. We go to school, he wishes me a good day, and I go to the cafe that my friends and i hang out in. There, I find two friends. They see that I’m still unwell, and don't mention it until I buy water and drop it on the table by accident, laughing, “haha I'm so dizzy”. That’s when one of them tells me that I should see a dr. I mention telling my dad and the bell rings, leading me down the hall to English.

In there, I lay my head down. Before long, I have to pee once again. I pull myself up and walk out into the hall. The teacher stops me and asks me if I'm okay. No. No, I'm not okay. I've gotta pee. She tells me that I look sick and writes me a pass to the nurse despite my refusal. At this point, i’ve missed wayyy too much school. But she sends me anyway. I go to the nurse, she sees that im having trouble breathing and lays me on one of the bed thingys. This woman pulls out a finger heart rate things, a blood pressure arm thingy, and a thermometer. I have no fever, but my heart rate and my blood pressure are a bit high. High enough to call my dad.

Eventually, he comes to the school, picks me up and takes me home. Let’s wait for a few hours and see what happens. We wait from nine to twelve forty-five and he goes to get my brother from school. I’ve been in and out of sleep, but when he gets back, he puts everything down and leads me to the car. We go to the ER.

In the car, I’m laid in the back on a pillow and my dad is driving while googling things on his phone. “I think you might have diabetes”

Ya think?

We get to the hospital, I’m shoeless and having the worst time of my life, and we walk into the wrong wing. A woman sees this and points us in the right direction, clearly seeing how sick I am--which, according to my dad, I looked like the personification of death. My dad was rushing my and I really had to restrain myself from snapping. Dude, I can't breathe and you're asking me to hurry. Chill.

So we reach the actual emergency room, people are staring, dad sits me down, and he goes to get my wrist band. I specifically remember looking down at my arms and rolling my sleeves up to see a red and purple arm. It scared me.

We didn’t wait long and a doctor lady came to get me to weigh me, get my heart rate, and check my blood pressure. “Do you smoke?” “Um, no?” “Oh wow”.

Turns out, I went from weighing 152 to 132 to 114 lbs.

The real reason I was put into a wheelchair and rushed back to an actual room was that my heart rate was 172. That was scary.

I was taken back, still holding my pee in, and they stuck sticky things to me and began to rapid-fire questions at myself and my dad. I remember noting that my dad told them I was taller than I actually was (I corrected him when things calmed down and he left the room). More doctors arrived to draw blood, give me ice chips and water, and to ask more questions.

Something that I’ve known since I was in the third grade is the fact that I have extremely small veins. It's hard for a lot of drs to draw blood. This time was no different. Twenty times, the same nurses came in to try different veins. A bruise was already forming in the crook of my right arm.

I remember one of the older nurses walking in and sitting next to me. She said, “Looks like we’ve got a diabetic on our hands.”

After that, I didn’t really experience much shock. Really just thoughts of “when will I get to go home?” and “oh so now I've gotta prick my finger and watch what i eat”.

It was then that they decided to tell me that an ambulance was on its way to carry me to another hospital. The county I live in is small and doesn't have whatever was needed for me at the time, so I was sent to the larger county that I go to school in.

The ambulance came, my dad rode with me, and I texted my friends. They didn’t believe me. Apparently, I joke too much about that type of thing.

After forty minutes, the ambulance stops, and I’m wheeled out of the ambulance, and into my new home for the next four days.

To be continued...?

#my story #type one diabetic #type one diabetes #type 1 diabetes #dka #diabetic ketoacidosis #t1d #diabetes #diabetic #type one #my diagnosis

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kinetic-elaboration · 8 years ago

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April 19: i.Zombie Ranting

I wrote this long rant-y thing partially before I watched iZ.ombie 3x03 and partially after—which is to say it started out with a coherent over-arching idea and then just devolved into a straight up spew of barely-coherent anger.

Total honesty here: this is literally 1.6k of me hating on Ravi / Peyton. I don’t want to offend anyone and I also don’t want to clutter anyone’s dash so it’s all below the cut. You’re welcome.

I’m sorry but I’m actually not sorry at all: Ravi/Peyton is the WORST. Why am I supposed to like them? When I was supposed to board this ship?

Was it in S1, when they dated for like 3 days entirely off-screen, so we never got any sense of their dynamic, how they got on, how their personalities meshed?

Was it when Peyton left Seattle, suddenly, for months, without giving Ravi the slightest heads up, on the eve of their big going-away-together date?

Or how about when we did get some actual scenes of them in S2, during which we see them drinking heavily and Ravi regretting it the next day? Because that showed me, first, that they’re pretty incompatible in the one shared activity we’ve actually observed, and second, that they can’t even TALK about their incompatibility. Either Ravi doesn’t let on to Peyton that their drinking together is bad for him, or they’re just not around each other enough for her to have any chance to see its effects, or she does notice and doesn’t care (I assume it’s the second but IDK). In all cases, wow, I’m blown away by the chemistry, real OTP material.

Then of course we get into late S2/S3 territory where the great couple moments just pile on. There’s the time when Ravi is a total pissbaby about a sexual relationship she had when they weren’t even together. Wait, did I say “time”? I meant “times” as in pretty much constantly through the first two episodes and into the third. He acts like an immature little brat during a group conversation, embarrassing both himself and her by association. He’s so up his own ass he doesn’t even answer her call when she needs him—doesn’t even listen to her voicemail! When she was scared and needed a friend. I know, he was distracted by Major before he could listen to the message, but my point is that if he REALLY cared about her, if she really was so “”precious”” to him, he would have just answered the phone in the first place. Because talking to her would be more important than his issues with his own fragile sense of masculinity.

But of course Ravi doesn’t care about Peyton because he doesn’t know who she is. She’s Lawyer Barbie. She’s “precious” Peyton. She’s a series of benign, generic adjectives. She’s not the tough ADA who took on a crime boss pretty much by herself at great personal risk—she’s his sweet fragile Peyton, irredeemably sullied by murderer cock.

Oh and even into episode 3: negative bonus points here for using his “love” declaration—ridiculous because as already established he “loves” the idea of Peyton, not her as a person—as a way of getting his way in an argument he was losing. Way to manipulate the room, Ravi. Not selfish or dickish at all.

I really really hopped on the Ravi/Peyton train when he went to (allegedly) apologize her, started out by telling her that his time was more important than hers—she was literally on her way to a prior commitment, this is during the day, she’s at fucking work—then let his “I’m sorry” slide into “I’m sorry BUT” as if “I can’t stop creepily thinking about you and some other man” was a legitimate excuse for being a massive jerk to her for days, maybe weeks. Yes, he acknowledged some of the ways he was wrong, but as Peyton pointed out, he hasn’t really learned his lesson; there’s obviously still a part of him that thinks this is a two-way apology street, that they both were a little wrong.

I’ll be honest: I’ve never liked Ravi/Peyton. I never thought they had chemistry, and I never got why I was supposed to think they should be a thing (I still kinda think the viewer was supposed to like this couple in S1-S2).

And I’ll be further honest: I was neutral on Blaine/Peyton in S2 but now I’m 100% I-will-go-down-with-this-ship about them and I’m going to be bitter on a deeply personal level if this whole B/R/P love triangle shit ultimately comes down to using Blaine as an obstacle to Ravi/Petyon’s twoo wuv.

I don’t say any of this because I hate Ravi, even though it probably sounds like I hate Ravi a lot. I hate S3 Ravi. But this is all the more painful for me because S1 and S2 Ravi was my favorite character. He’s the nerdy eccentric best friend/side kick figure and that’s pretty much always my favorite character, plus he’s super hot, which is always nice. And I wouldn’t be opposed to a Ravi love interest—like the Ravi version of Clive/Dale, perhaps. (Or at least I wouldn’t have been opposed as of the end of S2, now I’m less sure.) But this side of Ravi we’re seeing in the Peyton story line is pretty much the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s like one big walking Entitled Nice Guy stereotype: he thinks he deserves Peyton because, hey, he’s a good person! Good people get good things! He literally says as much before their make out at the end of S2, which pissed me off because I didn’t think the narrative should have rewarded him for that nonsense.

As far as what the narrative is doing now... I’m confused, honestly. At first, with the first “apology” scene, I was optimistic, because I felt like the narrative-through-Peyton was calling Ravi out on some first class shitty behavior.

But then…at the end… First, I felt like his love confession, as I said above, was super manipulative and I can’t tell if I was supposed to see it that way, or if I was supposed to see it as genuine and, like, relevant. Because even if it were true, it’s not relevant. Does loving someone excuse asshole behavior? Entitlement? Being a bad friend? NO! But the way it was framed, the big ‘surprise’ reaction everyone had, and then when she showed up later at his house all on edge about the state of their relationship…all of this made me think that the reaction of the audience was supposed to be “oh well it all makes sense NOW—he was acting so unconscionably because he was in LOVE and it made him all ~ crazy and shit lol silly man in love how romantic.”

I also severely disliked Petyon’s line in their last scene that the only thing stopping them from being together is him/how he’s acting. First of all, that’s not the only thing keeping them apart imo because they had no chemistry even before Blaine. But let’s just say that’s my personal opinion and set it aside. It’s just a nonsense sentence even if they did used to have a special connection. As if there were only two options in the world, nothing and Ravi, and as soon as Ravi lightens up she’ll just shoot toward him like a magnet because there’s no other possible mate out there for her (I’m not even talking about Blaine, I’m talking about, like, literally any single man in Seattle). As if the measure of someone’s character ISN’T their behavior but like some weird intangible Other Thing, like Ravi’s decidedly a Good Person and a Good Boyfriend except, you know, he acts like a shitty person all the time to her and has been nothing but an immature brat for the space of three episodes but if he just changes what seem to be his new main personality traits and becomes like a totally different person THEN it will be true love forever. As if she were the prize in his personal quest and as soon as he learns to be a Better Man, he’ll get the Pretty Girl because women aren’t people we’re objects to be won.

(I know she meant “it’s you that’s the problem” with an implied “it’s not Blaine who’s the problem” but like I stand by all of this because the line implies that she wants to be with him except for him being a Dick to her All the Time now and I just don’t get that--WHY?? WHY Peyton??)

Like look it’s not that hard: if a guy is consistently a jerk to you like Ravi has been to Peyton, you find a new guy.

(Also not to get tmi about this but my ex-bf was definitely the “omigod I’m obsessed with your prior hookups” kind of person and in my personal experience, this isn’t something someone just declares to be over and drops; it’s the kind of thing that sticks around and casts a dark shadow over an entire relationship.)

Finally, what to make of Ravi fucking Dr. Kupps or whoever? Because first of all I saw that coming. To me, with my reading of this entire situation, this is just another example of Ravi being Bad for Peyton, someone she should drop like so much dead weight. But the way he looked so ~sad after Peyton stormed out, like “oh poor me, woe is me, how could this decision I made myself as an autonomous agent have happened to poor innocent me?”, and the way the camera focused on him for such a long time, made me think I was supposed to see this little hiccup as just another obstacle between Ravi and the Attainment of his Goal—whoops I mean his happily ever after with the love of his life.

I’m not saying Ravi can’t learn and be better. But I’m going to need to see some ACTUAL learning and ACTUAL getting better, not just declarations that he’s cured of his Douchebaggery and some overly dramatic love declarations.

Again, like I said, Ravi was my favorite character for two seasons, so my perhaps excessive anger can partially be explained by feeling betrayed by a fictional person I used to love so much. (Not that there weren’t signs of this before: not just in his prior dealings with Peyton, but in, for example, how he dumped Stephanie the morning after—so uncool man.)

Upside: my favorite character is now Clive, and I don’t think he’ll ever betray me like this.

#the year 2017 #2017: fandom thoughts #dont get me wrong i still love this show #but like man all my buttons are so pressed rn #also my mom and i agree that clive is perfect and can do no wrong ever

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