#i dont wanna freak anyone out w it idk
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ppinksun · 1 year ago
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silly oc stuff
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hannyoontify · 5 months ago
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quick ramble abt ikea shopping w jun as a couple
i rlly wanna turn this into a fic but i’m currently too lazy to get out of bed to grab my laptop so i’ll js type it out on my phone
ygs have a contest on who can find the ugliest piece of furniture (he wins almost every single time)
one time he tried to climb the showroom of a kid’s bedroom that had a bunk bed even though there was a piece of plastic that blocked off the ladder said ‘don’t climb’
he kept sliding off the ladder and plastic sign and got all pouty so you had to buy him two ice cream cones that day
insists on taking a nap in the armchairs department
jun will find the biggest armchair in the showroom and pull you into his lap and call for a ‘cat nap’
insists on ‘testing the beds’ by taking off his shoes and jumping on the beds
yells ‘parkour!’ and jumps from bed to bed until an employee tells him to get down
yeah ygs r really close to being blacklisted by your local ikea
says hi to every. single. baby. he. sees.
and he does that royal queen wave too like
forgets to pace himself and becomes overstimulated by the time ygs reach the end of the showrooms section so you have to basically drag jun through the entire marketplace and warehouse to check out
one time, jun tried to enroll himself into the kid’s daycare play area and got confused as to why they wouldn’t let a 28 year old in
‘my partner’s doing all the shopping! i’m js here to carry all the heavy stuff to the car so can i pleaseee go play in the ball pit’
but he also insists on doing all the heavy work
once ygs reach the warehouse, you’re not lifting a SINGLE finger
‘dont worry baby, your super strong, reliable boyfi- OOMF’
you end up helping him at the end but hey, it’s the thought that counts!
idk if this is a very specific childhood memory but there were these computers at the entrance of the warehouse, i think it was meant to help people find specific areas that had the furniture they were looking for
and idk if anyone knows what i’m talking abt but the unoccupied computers has a screen saver of a vide of a man in an ikea uniform waving at you and gesturing you to come over to use the computer
but every time jun sees those, he freaks out
‘he js waved at me’ ‘honey that’s a video’
‘NO BUT WHEN I POINTED AT ME HE NODDED’
tries pick a fight with the man on the screen (saying this from personal experience)
once ygs check out, ice cream cones are a MUST
ygs aren’t big on the dining hall tho bc jun insists that the meatballs make him gassy
so ygs always get a vanilla ice cream cone, and if you feel like it, a box of cinnamon rolls
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ivanisdying · 6 months ago
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ranting (blitz&stolas relationship)
(ive been very inactive i apologise..)
i cannot fathom how angrynthe whole blitz n stolas thing is making me.. ppl hating on both sides but they r both in the wrong??? stolas saying hes never looked down on him when he HAS. has bro forgot the entirity of season 1?? stolas constantly called him his 'little imp' or his 'little plaything', and never really took him seriously. blitz could see that as mocking. but even then stolas's nickname for blitz is blitzy and he uses it infront of striker implying its a petname not that hes mocking blitz. in the first pilot ep he says along thw lines u do ur job and ill do mine. the whole deal was that in order for blitz to keep using the book was for him to have sex w stolas. so idk... another thing about the book. i think it was his only excuse to keep seeing stolas which is why he begged and begged for it. saying he NEEDS the book. he was about to apologise and you CAN HEAR IT "stolas, wait, im s-" AND THEN HE GETS TELEPORTED OUT... YOU COULD SEE HIM REACHING FOR HIS ROBE.. the fact their argument was where the crystal thing was and its when everything started. . . in an episode when stolas is laying down in the bed and blitz is crawling over to him he eyes the book as its the reason why he was doing it. in apology tour he pushes the book out of the way and is only looking at stolas !>!@>?!?!!@?! he doesnt care ab the book he cares ab STOLAS they both said what they needed to say but i dont think either of them fully took it in. stolas shpuldve let blitz talk but HE DIDNT.. in apology tour you can see his expression change whenever he looks at stolas and it BREAKS ME. and blitz apologises to verosika i think she actually forgave him. instead of calling him blitz-O she just calls him blitz which might imply a friendship or acquaintance in the future.. she gave him cake and left n i think she realised blitz is his own biggest hater. iv3 kinned blitz since the beginning tho i rlly liked moxxie.. silly guy stolas has complete right to be mad at blitz because he cant keep giving himself to someone who wont hear him out. but i beleive when blitz realises he loves him itll be too late. "im not in love w u anymore" "i didnt know u ever were" GHJRHFJDHFJH when blitz got jealous over stolas making out w another guy.. jealousy = feelings
blitz is harder to understand and sympathise for because he lashes out and gets upset by anger. it def has to do with his self hatred. notice how when stolas mentions anything about him leaving blitz splits and starts freaking out. he def has abandoment issues or bpd.. i think him n verosika is a reason why hes too scared to actually commit to another relationship.
they NEED to short shit out and have a gen talk or their situationship will go nowhere. it pains me knowing how bad they both struggle. in apology tour when blitz starts looking at him with a guilty look he sees stolas as his depressed and alcoholic self. and even when the guy asked to dance HE STILL LOOKED AT BLITZ FOR APPROVAL. i dont get why ppl hate on stolas for making out w a guy drunk when blitz did the same thing?? when they are walking down the hall stolas had covered every family photo except for leaving a space for where octavia was and rhat broke me... blitz doesnt believe anyone could actually love him. let alone a prince. and he says this multiple times but i dont think stolas really hears him. their trope is that stolas fell too early and blitz fell too late owls only fall in love once and he's pinged on him since they were kids LIKE ?!!?!?!? if stolas found out that he was bought to spend the day w him i think he'd distance himself even more. i need blitz to break down in stolas's arms like js something. im beginning to believe blitz does feel remorse for his actions and actually starts to feel bad ab what hes done. ghgghghhg this relationship makes me wanna rip my hair out and scream and roll on the floor (I mightve missed some things but this will conclude my rant)
I SWEAR vizzie is allergic to happiness ....
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tinkonka · 2 months ago
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hellooo!! im kind of new?? to ur blog (i came from ao3 ehxhbrfj) and i was wondering abt what ur top three ships are?? and uhhh what u personally like most about their dynamic orrr what u’d like to see in future events regarding them? thank you!!
UAHH HELLO!! THANK YOU FOR READING MY STUFF ON AO3 <:)) I so happy
okay. get ready for it baebyyy. gonna go 3rd most fave to 1st fave. Guess the #1 fave (Impossible)
3. Akian
im going to be Honest and Admit that i only started shipping it out of spite but as i got more into the game and more into vbs i like. Really fucking appreciate it. Very much. i WILL SAY THOUGH I honestly don't mind consuming it on a platonic context either i JUST REALLY LIKE THE TWO OF THEM
I really appreciate the subtle shows of their care for eachother, akito noticing that something is off with her, an going Specifically TO akito and miku in. in wtwg i believe (i could be remembering this wrong) and in turn an, although she does like to tease him a lot, believes in his ability to contribute to the team and. IDK. THEY CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER!!! THERE IS SO MUCH. LOVE. in their hearts. An made him a cheesecake for his birthday. akito notices she looks tired lately and tells her not to push it. i want to complain about people boiling their relationship down to .. wlw mlm hostility and completely removing any notion that they like eachother . BUT THIS IS A POST ABOUT APPRECAITION SO IWONT TALK ABOUT IT.
even just. like. Vocal wise. their voices go so so well together. Traffic jam is one of my favorite vbs covers. i love the akian rap in it. I love their dynamic . I don't really have. MUCH ? i want down the line. (I do keep up w vbs but theyre not my favorite) so i kinda just enjoy them hwenever theyre on screen
2. Mizumafu
Its such a travesty that i have not written them yet but they are the dynamic i go batshit insane over. The Parallels. the. The Difference in. In how they mask. Their hearts. Their kindness. Its so similar. to eachother. mafuyus little "i havent seen you in a while... im glad" with her little smile. Mizuki saying that it'd just be the four of them at scramble fan festa so mafuyu wouldnt have to mask the entire time i fucking LOVE them
even like on a surface level theyre so freaking cute. girl whos like :D and guy whos like o_o (I love it when they transmasc mafuyu its wonderful) I just love them so terribly. I need them to hug i need them. to kiss eachother maybe.
In terms of what i wantfor them down the line... i'd love to see a sort of thing after ena5 maybe where. Mizukis not been to school in a WHILE and has a lot of stuff to catch up on so mafuyu sits with her and helps her. and mizukis like. kind of low energy but mafuyu doenst question it, just lets her sit there, just helps her with the equations a bit. mafuyu chan. I love them
Ruinene
Go on guys act surprised
GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. WITH THEM? I think i actually started liking them a while ago by proxy because i had a Friend who liked it.. i dont remember much but it was jun22 (july?) that i got into pjsk and right off the bat i really liked them. and then i got more into it and i liked them even more.
Their dynamic... i've always been a sucker for. "i'd die for you" x "Please live for me" . i love it terribly. I LOVE HOW INTRICATE IT IS i could go on forever about it. actually i am going to. sorry buckle the fuck up
I feel like ... i feel like a lot of Nene's attitude. toward everyone near the beginning of the wxs story. And toward herself really. It's just a big. Culmination of self hatred. She hates herself because she can't even talk to anyone without shaking, can't go on stage, lets people down... and she's bitter toward Rui because she hated that she couldn't do anything about their relationship. Letting people down.
i wanna draw attention to the way she talks about him near the beginning vs after her talk with tsukasa:
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Do you see the difference? "he just has to try it out. people avoid him. heres the things hes done" vs "he gets absorbed in his work, and he's alone but i dont think he wants that". One is pointed, the other is sympathetic.
DO I THINK NENE HATES RUI. NO. But that's the thing with her. Her self hatred. she projects it onto others. Like in smile of a dreamer when she snapped at Tsukasa. And rui knows this behavior because he's immediately like "oh you must be worried about emu". because she didnt know what to do.
But then they grow together, and nenes attitude toward herself becomes kinder, and gradually her problems can be shared with them and it all just. becomes better. They Grow. And that's what i love about them. Rui "i've never seen nene shine like that before" kamishiro. Nene "i like your shows" kusanagi. I just i love them so much.
Ruinene i also consume both platonically and romantically but with like. a veer toward romantic. the way i write them is like if theyre dating but i rarely ever establish that fact (like i'll never have them outright say it) unless i'm writing with Explicit Polysho. I jjust. I love them so bad. I write the most for them i. draw the most for them. I love them.
in terms of what i want for future events WELL NENE5 IS LITERALLY RIIIIGHT AROUND THE CORNER and i i OUGH i do want rui to give a little help to her. i want rui to be there for her again. maybe a bit more forward this time because nene might go "oh i should handle this by mself" when shes in need ofhelp. Lalala. God save us all
AND I THINK THATS IT. HTNAK YOU FOR THE ASK>!!! I ENJOYED TALKING
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xoxochb · 1 month ago
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(this is lowk giving middle school so bear with me here)
okay so im tryna shorten this up but it all happened in like the past two weeks or so but like i came to realization that i was in denial about liking this guy but then i found out he liked someone else so i was like lowk rly rly sad but then my straightforward ass was like hey ik u like someone but i like u and i just needed to let u know and then he was like k i dont actually like anyone i was just telling people that but anyways fast forward like two days at school i have the wonderful idea of asking him out to a date at a roller rink near the area BUT IN JANUARY BECAUSE IM GOING ON A TRIP FOR A MONTH so my friends got tired of me getting too scared to asked him and helped me but were all friends w the guy so its okay but what my friend didnt say when asking the guy out for me was that jt was a date so the guy was like oh just the two of us? that kinda sounds like a date but he didnt get to ask me during the school day cz there was always a lot of people around us and so later that night he texted me saying like hey idk if this is kinda weird but were you asking me out??? and he already said yea at school so i was like so do u still wanna go? and hes like yea ofc but like i was obviously still questioning that so the next day during my layovers cz this is when my flight for my vacation was i texted him and i was like are you aware that this is a date and he was like yes and i was like and you still wanna go???? and then he was like yes 😭 SO THEN NOTHING HAPPENS RELATED TO THAT FOR THE NEXT 4ISH DAYS AND WE'RE ALL NORMAL BUT THEN HE TEXTS ME AND HES LIKE im sorry to tell u this but we cant date SO OBVIOUSLY I KINDA LIKE ASK WHY AND ITS CZ HIS PARENTS WERE UNCOMFORTABLE W THE IDEA OF HIM GOING ON A DATE???? WHEN HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND LAST YEAR AND THEY KNEW???? AND IK IT SOUNDS LIKE A STUPID COVERUP TO REJECT ME BUT HE WAS ALSO KIND OF LIKE WHAT so then the next two weeks is just mixed signals and its kind of realt fucking annoying cz then hes like yea i dont rly like anyone rn LIKE OKAY... and so fast forward to yesterday my friend texted me when he got back from school and it was like 6am for me so i was out of it but anyways he was like telling me about how they were like hanging out (with the guy and like 2 other people) and then suddenly it was brought up that i liked him and one pf the two other people (whos lowk my opp) was like omg she likes you(the guy)??? and then my friend was like yea they were supposed to go out and ACCORDING TO MY FRIEND THE GUY WAS LIKE i hope we still are AND IM LIKE AHSJDJDJ CZ I WAS OVERTHINKING THAT THE PARENT THING WAS JUST AN EXCUSE BUT APPARENTLY NOW HES JS GONNA TELL HIS PARENTS HES GOING OUT W HIS FRIENDS AND THEN WE GO ON THE DATE AND LIKE AHDHSJJDSJ *BUT* the problem is that as of now he has not told me yet but he mentioned it to my friend and i dont think he knows i know but i need to ask him abt it and dont know if thats a good idea or not
holy freaking shit. like, I don’t even know what to say this went all different ways I’m flabbergasted 😭😭
I would not put up with his bullshit lowkey but u do u. but like the breaking his parents rules for u is kinda cute tho like hello
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missmeinyourbones · 2 years ago
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kin assign your moots :)
ok this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and kin is too hard so i decided to ship my mutuals... so basically i am not answering ur question but alas here we are
also i have a lot of mutuals so i think im just gonna do a few rn... maybe the ones i interact w the most or who i see the most on my dash ???? idk i also haven't talked to some of my mutuals bc im a dumb scared baby so if you are not on this list please do not crucify me i love u and if anyone wants a ship/more of these pls ask me i swear i can be normal
@crysugu - why do i wanna say... d-d-deku.... I DONT KNOW something about him is making a lot of sense with you! two lil sweethearts who are so so selflessly kind but ik u guys are Freaks when it comes to one another....
@soumies - i know megumi is such a safe answer but its so real... like so real i cant even think of another name to put down here. my two sweet little babies !!! :3 ;P you match one another energies so well... i trust him in ur hands (and more importantly, i trust u in his)
@alert-arlert - porco LMFAO its always gonna be porco with you ryn! i want you to walk him like a dog so fucking badly. he is so annoying and you are so powerful i just KNOW you have the ability to tame him. close second is hange tho for similar but less intense reasons
@ghostbeam - again there is no answer that is not dabi... but weirdly... i see you with dabi more than touya ??? idk something about the dabi-eqsue yearning closed barriers angsty dark love that shouldn't work but it does fits you guys so well. an icon in the dabi universe is what you are
@demxnscous - im fearful that im saying osamu. and im saying this because the way u write him is so RAW that you cant not be soulmates. i swear you could turn anyone on to him and THAT right there is such a power to wield.... the power of ur love for that man deserves this title
@izurou - SUNA please my favorite suna baby. he annoys you and you let him and its so beautiful. you just get him !!!!! which is tough but you're tougher. i think about ur characterization of him all the time, specifically in the routine and thursday and i could cry with how lovely he is when it comes to you
@augustinewrites - augustine.... you feel so Classy to me. like in my mind u radiate the purest of elegance. a god-tier creator on this app amongst us mere mortals. i feel like your poetic way of existing could compliment sakusa really well! the two of you are so sexi you look like you'd bully people but in reality are so kind just a bit intimidating
@maplesuna - maple i love the idea of you and atsumu becuase i cant stand him half of the time and i absolutely adore you so i love the concept him just being absolutely whipped for you. like u boss him around and he adores it and i get to watch it all front row w some buttery popcorn
@touyangel - sunny my baby you are so sugary sweet i know that hawks would treat u sooooo good. because hes kind and a little fucked up but you truly see the very best in everyone and i think you could save that man from himself. also pls take his #2 hero money u deserve fancy things
@utahimeow - gojo!!!! char u are one of my go to gojo babies whenever i want to giggle and make fun of him or completely tear my hair out thinking about him...i know ur always game. u understand him so well!!!! u are also not afraid to humble him <3 which i love
@kentoangel - choso. choso choso and choso. i know u love him but it feels so right. u guys are like a quiet kind of morning love... like when you sit in a sunlit window and don't need words to explain how you feel. also i think about your mango piece every day of my life... need i say more?
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hello gamers here is another one of my infamous rants you can all ignore but im saying this all to countless people on Tumblr coz none of you know me irl so its less embarrassing but like...
I know ive complained about this before but ive had some realisations but im literally 21 tomorrow (in a few hours) and it still really upsets me that ive never had a relationship but ive been thinking about it and it literally is all my fault like... I have such cripplingly low self esteem I physically cannot believe that someone would ever be into me and just for example, there was this guy I went on a date w from tinder like a year ago now and he was rly nice but I freaked out bc he wanted to sleep w me on the fist date and that terrified me coz it was the first date I went on since I was assaulted so I just ignored him after that... but he messaged me again a few months later wanting to meet up again and I was fucking stupid and cancelled last minute.. like sorry for the long story but just an example of how I freak the fuck out whenever someone shows any interest in me.. and also I found out a few days ago that he has a gf now and I just hate myself sm coz that couldve been me yk?? but its happened so many times where someone asks me out or shows interest and I just reject them.. and then I wonder why ive never been in a relationship like it literally is all my fault.. there was this girl I was sort of seeing for a bit but she just texted me one day and now she's dating her housemate and there was this guy a bit ago that I really fucking liked but he messaged me at fucking 4am one day saying 'sorry for leading u on but im not ready for a relationship' and like???? why were you on hinge then??? and why did you spend all night every night for god knows how long saying how u can't wait to see me again???? like I know a relationship isn't the point of life but when nearly all my friends are in v serious relationships, like moving in together and talking about family shit, I just rly feel like ive missed out and I just wanna know what it feels like to love someone and have my heartbroken and shit like that what every other person I know has and... idk sorry this is so long its just rly upsetting me but I dont have anyone else to talk to coz I dont know anyone else in this situation sorry guys
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spacexcowgirl · 1 year ago
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rose i've come here to bug u w questions 🐛
first of all what are ur thoughts on james potter 👀
2. u have to fight one of the marauders (think long and hard about this), and they get to use magic BUT you get to be a vampire (like twilight style with the sparkly skin and vampire powers). who are you fighting and what would your vampire magic trick be to fight them. both u and the character are at full potential
and 3. what is ur hottest marauders take?
MAGGIE
I was on the Tumblr app and I had to grab my laptop and pull up Tumblr.com just to respond to this first one. I have all the thoughts about James Potter. Always. Everyday. Everywhere.
James Potter to me is just. He is everything. He is naturally charismatic, and lovable, and maybe he doesn't even think about it, but he brightens spaces. But, in my head, he's also trying so fucking hard. Because he's had it so good, he loves his parents, he loves his friends, and everything is right, but it shouldn't be, you know? Sirius is struggling, Remus is struggling, Peter is (quietly) struggling, and James sees that, and he's just. trying to pick up the slack. he is trying to rest the world on his shoulders for the people he loves, and that's beautiful to me.
BUT. what's most beautiful to me about James, in my head, is the way he feels. Obviously we are limited with what we know about him in canon, but even canon aside, he's just this character that to me is operating under the pretense of helping/"fixing" the people he loves, and he's fucking it up. He's making it harder for himself. He's causing collateral damage. he's doing what he can and what he can do isn't always enough.
He's trying, and it's slipping through his fingers.
I DONT KNOW MAGGIE. I've gone on plenty of James rants to you, but I love him deeply, and I see him clearly in my head, and I just get him. I get his struggles, I get his guilt, I get his arrogance, I get all of it. He's doing his best, and he's a kid who's always had it easy, and he's learning now that sometimes your best isn't always enough. Sometimes it's out of your hands. Sometimes you hurt people. It's all growth, and I love that.
2. Maggie BABES thank you for this question.
I'm not even worrying about the marauders character yet. I am first and foremost thinking of my twilight vampire power, and I think the answer is obvious.
I can have any power in the twilight universe world? I'm taking Zafrina and Senna, who have this visual projection power. Like these bitches can completely change your perception of reality with their MINDS. That's what I want.
I could fight anyone with that power and still win (cocky assumption probably idc) but like. You wanna point your lil wand at me? where am I? you don't know. We are now in the amazon rainforest and there are 6 of me. Try to figure it out.
to completely finish your question, though, I will choose someone. I'm gonna go with mmmm... James. my angel. I think I hc ADHD (bc same) onto him, so this is unfair, but I could just completely overwhelm him and win. and if the goal is to win, that's the choice I'm making.
3. oooooh my hottest marauders take. I feel like I could go a few ways with this.
first of all, I think the fandom as a whole is too discourse-y. Especially for a fandom that is like. completely made up. Like how are you about to argue about how a character is portrayed when we have almost 0 basis in it? just let people think what they think. it does not matter that much, just don't engage with what you don't agree with.
for a hot take on the actual characters??? I think that Sirius would not freak out about jegulus. SORRY. but like. I love the idea of dramatic Sirius, and I get it, but also, no. Maybe I'm just biased because I have younger sisters and I can't imagine being that dramatic over what they do, but idk. Realistically, I imagine Sirius would just be like "ew. Okay. don't hurt each other bc I don't want to deal w it." and that would be that. I can still accept a dramatic Sirius freak out, but it's just not the way I see it typically going. (this is also based on the backstory, and I do think there is sometimes reason for Sirius to freak out, but usually it would be more for James than for regulus. idk)
anyways! thank u for the questions Maggie I love writing random essays <3
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luv-beam · 15 days ago
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IM BAAAACK!!! i was gonna save this as my bedtime story, but then i realized i can't stay up tonight 😭 but all the better for me bc i get to read this little masterpiece early 😌:
• when you don't just have a feeling that today isn't going to go well, but it's DESTINED not to go well... good lord time to panic! also the description of the dress is so pretty rah like the quiet dignity and refinement over opulence, rhe soft rustling of the skirts,, u can really feel the vibe of the family thru this and also the tension w the fact that yn feels everything BUT perfect
• WHISPERING THAT A LADY'S VIRTUE LIES IN RESTRAINT OHHHHHH U CANT DO THIS TO ME NOT WHEN YN LITERALLY IS LIKE RESTRAINING HERSELF FROM HER OWN DESIRES THIS WHOLE FIC U CANT
• fun fact but corsets were never meant to be suffocatingly tight; its kind of just a modern stereotype, but im not mentioning this to diss ur writing or anything !!! 😭😭 i think the tightness of the corset and yns lack of room to breathe is a really important symbol that lends to how she's really feeling. like the physical connecting to the emotional
• okay another comment abt ur imagery bc ur descriptions of the palace are utterly breathtaking 🤧 like White Room Syndrome is scared of u, tara
• i know whats gonna happen, but like the tension and suspense u create is enough to have anyone on the edge of their seats!! like u dont need future sight to be anxious abt what's gonna happen. like will yn get out of this scot-free or will something horrible happen?
• "you are a xu, do not falter" ugh all the pressure and expectations yn is burdening herself w just continue to distress and weigh her down further...
• GIVE THIS GIRL A HUG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
• i hate that i like,,, get their mother's argument. like im on yn and hao's side fs but also... idk i think she just had sm going on and like mental struggles can be just as harmful as physical ones. im glad hao is so compassionate, and that her mother does have some sympathy for her daughter
• (but i know what comes next 😭😭😭😭😭)
• "a splendid display of athleticism" PLS IM GONNA SNORT SKFNDKFNFNF seokmin does have a knack for brightening the room :'))) even i was trying to mope w our mc, but then that line made me break lol
• HOPE CAN BE A SLIPPERY CREATURE YES WE KNOW .
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• TARA U WANT ME TO CRY DONT U (´Д⊂ヽ NOT IN THE WAY U LONG FOR?? THE CHASM BTWN UR FEELINGS AND HIS INDIFFERENCE???? EEEUUUGHHHH!!!
• i hate how supportive seok is being, like hope truly is a slippery creature. i feel like me and the mc both r getting strung along goddamn......
• love the details of the lady's tea and the garden party — great worldbuilding details to get me even more immersed
• AWWWH THE NEW DRESS, HER MAMA'S ADORATION FOR HER UGH 😭😭😭 i hate knowing the future. besides that, love the imagery of the dress like i can piece it together in my mind as if im sketching it out!! its so pretty :')) def befitting of a princess
• such a "slipping thru my fingers" moment 🤧🤧 like it's so starkly different from the time yn was getting ready for the debut presentation where she was just worried and freaking out; now she and her mom are /laughing/ and tho there r expectations, this will undoubtedly ease a couple of those worries
• oh the the anticipation is killing me — and then the ball is positively dismal >~<
• I WAS WAITING FOR SEOK TO FINALLY COME BY AND OFFER A DANCE LIKE UR YNS BESTIE COME HERE AND GIVE HER A HAND BY ASKING FOR HER HAND WINK WINK
• the mamas leading an army line is so funny lol and who said women cant fight??
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• BRUH i just speedran five different emotions like HOLY SHIT I LOVE SEOK > holy shit. does he love yn back? > holy shit this hurts > holy... shit... > oh fck. like the immediate realization that snaps into place when u out two and two together. i wanna say she's jumping to conclusions based on seok's initial surprise, but im also cynical like yn is being in this moment and yeah... idk
• OPEN HONEST DEVASTATING. TAKE A KNIFE THROUGH MY HEART ALREADY THE WAY THOSE THREE WORDS PUNCTURE MY CHEST
• the "how foolish of me" not only meant for the fact that she thought he'd gone into this w pure intentions, but also foolish of herself for believeing he actually wanted to dance w her, that she actually had a chance w him... oh i want to yeet myself off a cliff
• omg the argument btwn yn and hao... tensions were high, im afraid... like idk if chucking a shoe at his face was supposed to be funny but i feel yns fury and the angry tears like i know there were better ways to go abt this, but i am all for female rage!!!
• "the bitterness in ur chest is a wellspring of anguish" OHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭 oh 😭 like it's catching up to her now. also, just the fact that hope is so slippery and caused her to make her entire reputation crumble is just... someone give this girl a hug, she was not built for this
• YOU'VE TAKEN SOMETHING PRECIOUS FROM ME???? some might say its her dignity, her reputation, her agency,,,, but we all know what it really was... or who...... i love snarling female rage dialogue
• do u know the taylor swift "right where u left me"? yeah thats this whole next section 😭💔 baby just becomes a ghost who haunts the place she was abandoned and wronged
• THAT LAST LINE IS LIKE THE EXECUTIONER'S PULL ON THE PULLEY TO LET THE GUILLOTINE BLADE FLY. LIKE OH THE POWER OF A SINGLE LINE LIKE THAT
despite knowing what was gonna happen, it still hit so hard, or rather, EVEN HARDER this time 😭😭😭 like my mouth is pulled into a permanent frown skcnekfnjf IM SO SAD FOR HER LIKE I DONT MIND BEING A SPINSTER MYSELF, BUT THE EXPECTATIONS THAT COME W HER SOCIAL STATION WONT ALLOW HER TO BE 😭😭😭 she will forecer be haunted by her choises and foolishness and im so sad for her 😭😭😭 tara, u are a cruel (yet talented...) mistress 😭
i... will be back tmrw... 🥲👍
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The Somerset Affair | Chapter 2: When the Music Stops
pairing: lsk x fem!reader genre: Bridgerton AU, friends to (?????) to eventual lovers, brother’s best friend, SLOWWWW BURNNN chapter wc: 8.8k warnings: alcohol consumption, societal expectations, crying, mentions of a panic attack (not being able to breathe), eventual smut, more to be added a/n: sorry sorry i know ch 2 took forever // as always, ENORMOUS thanks to indi @wongyuseokie for this GORGEOUSSSS banner // and to my lovely betas shu @welcometomyoasis lou @tusswrites haneul @chanranghaeys this could not have happened without you // 3rd chapter will be up faster than this one i swear!!!
summary: when the music stops and everything goes wrong, will seokmin always be there to defend you?
comment to be tagged when chapters are posted, or join the fic taglist here!
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The morning of your debut should have been perfect. Every detail had been painstakingly planned over months, from the delicate lace of your gown to the pearls in your hair. But as you sit in front of your vanity, eyes bloodshot and heavy with fatigue, you know deep in your bones that this day is not destined to go smoothly.
You had stayed up the entire night, restless, thinking about Seokmin. Every word he had said, every smile, every fleeting touch that had seemed so innocent before now felt charged with meaning, occupying your thoughts and stealing away any hope of restful sleep. The result was staring back at you in the mirror: bloodshot eyes, dark circles beneath them, and lips that trembled as your maid worked tirelessly to dress you. It’s a pity – no amount of powders or rouge can hide the exhaustion and heartbreak written plainly across your face.
The soft rustling of your white debutante gown fills the room, each movement whispering of elegance and careful tradition. The gown is a masterful creation, carefully chosen by your mother months ago to reflect the quiet dignity of your family’s name. Its bodice is fitted, meticulously embroidered with the finest ivory threads that weave delicate patterns of lilies and vines across the fabric, adding dimension without overpowering.
Around the neckline, a border of tiny pearls catches the morning light, giving the gown a subtle shimmer that, like everything else about it, speaks of refinement over opulence. The gown’s sleeves, long and sheer, are trimmed in lace as fine as a spider’s web, designed to lay gently against your skin rather than cling, as if even the gown itself recognizes the demands of decorum.
The skirts cascade from the waist in a perfect fall of lace and satin, layers upon layers of gossamer fabric that float with your every step. Each layer, though fragile to the touch, is artfully arranged to maintain the gown’s perfect shape, a testament to the skill of its makers and the patience it took to assemble. At the hem, more intricate lacework peeks out, creating a subtle scalloped edge that brushes softly against the floor, finishing the gown with a grace that echoes the restraint of your mother’s discerning eye.
You cannot deny that the gown itself is a marvel, designed to highlight and enhance rather than dominate. It is beautiful, in the way a rose is beautiful—with an elegance that feels both timeless and delicate, whispering that a lady’s virtue lies in restraint, in never asking to be noticed and yet never failing to command attention.
But the corset. Oh, the corset. It felt as though it were designed to squeeze the very life from you.
“Breathe in, my lady,” your maid instructs, her voice strained from the effort of pulling at the stiff fabric. She pulls at the stays until your ribs protest in pain.
“I can’t breathe in anymore,” you bite out, trying and failing to draw in a proper breath. The corset feels like it’s made of iron, constricting your lungs until your vision begins to blur. “It’s too tight. I— I can’t—”
But your lady’s maid is relentless, ignoring your protests as she cinches you even tighter. She ties the final knot with a satisfied sigh. “There. That should hold.”
Hold? It felt more like it was keeping you prisoner, you think grimly, but before you can voice any more complaints, your mother sweeps into the room, her graceful presence filling the space with a quiet authority. Dressed in an elegant gown of soft gray silk, she pauses to take in your appearance, her sharp eyes noting every detail.
Your mother’s eyes scan your dress approvingly, but when her gaze lands on your face, her expression falters. “Dearest, you look... unwell.”
Your heart sinks. “I didn’t sleep much last night,” you confess, eyes cast downward, though you don’t dare mention why. The last thing you need is your mother knowing Seokmin has occupied your thoughts in such a way.
Your mother sighs softly and moves to stand beside you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “This day is important, darling. I had hoped you would be well-rested, but...” She trails off, her tone not unkind, but laced with concern. “There is no time now to dwell on it. The Queen waits for no one.”
You nod, feeling a rush of guilt, knowing how much effort has gone into preparing you for this moment. But the weight of the corset and your sleepless night are conspiring to make you feel utterly overwhelmed. Your mother notices, of course. She always does.
“Try not to worry too much,” she says, her voice softening, though it still holds that undercurrent of expectation. “You must keep your chin high, shoulders back. No one need know what little sleep you had. You are beautiful, my dear, no matter the circumstances.”
Her words, though comforting, do little to ease the anxiety building in your chest. But there’s no time left. Your lady’s maid places the final pearl pins in your hair, and your mother gives you a reassuring squeeze before she gestures toward the door. “It’s time.”
Your nerves flutter violently as you’re escorted downstairs and into the awaiting carriage. The ride to the palace feels both endless and far too short. Every bump in the road jostles your already-tight corset, pressing against your ribs and leaving you breathless. The palace is as magnificent as you had heard—no, it’s more. The palace itself is a marvel of architecture, an opulent structure that seems more the work of fantasy than reality. Vaulted ceilings soar impossibly high, held aloft by marble columns adorned with delicate carvings of ivy and mythical creatures that seem to come to life in the flickering candlelight. Every archway is flanked by gilded moldings, winding and curling like golden vines, each detail rendered with the precision of a master sculptor.
Each corner, each angle of the palace seems to lead to something grander than the last, as if it were designed to swallow you whole in beauty. And perhaps it is, you think, as you press a hand over your fluttering heart. For despite the elegance, there is an undeniable sense of intimidation in the sheer scale of it all—a reminder of how small you are in the face of such a place, and of the scrutiny that awaits within these towering, timeworn walls.
You can feel the architecture itself imposing upon you, weighing down like the firm hand of tradition. For a fleeting moment, you imagine yourself wandering through the palace alone, exploring every column and arch, free of the hundreds of eyes upon you. But here, now, with the gaze of history and expectation pressing down, you straighten your shoulders, drawing in a steadying breath, and follow your Mama into the Great Hall. 
The hall is grander than anything you had even dared to imagine. The polished marble floors shine like glass, capturing reflections in delicate ripples that turn the passing gowns of debutantes into pools of lace and silk. Chandeliers hang from above, so immense and dazzling that they appear to drip crystal stars. They illuminate the room with a glow that is almost celestial, casting every inch of the hall in a warmth befitting the Queen herself.
To your right and left, mirrors taller than any man stretch to the ceiling, framed in gold leaf as intricate as lacework. The mirrors hold your gaze as you pass, capturing the girls beside you as they float forward with their mothers, each one a shimmering, blushing vision in white. You see yourself in these mirrors too, and although the gown fits you perfectly, somehow you feel like you’re wearing another’s skin. For a moment, you imagine your reflection whispering back, “Are you really here?”
The walls are covered in the richest velvet, deep greens and ruby reds that somehow make the hall feel even grander, as if you’ve stepped into the very heart of royalty itself. Enormous portraits of past queens and kings line the hall, each gaze strong and serene, as if they’re assessing every girl who dares to walk beneath their painted eyes. Somewhere in your chest, a knot forms and tightens. It’s strange, the feeling of being surrounded by so much opulence, as if the walls are watching, waiting for something that only they understand.
And perhaps that’s why your breath is so unsteady, why your heartbeat seems to echo through the hall in time with your footsteps. The palace, beautiful as it is, leaves you feeling like a creature of some lesser world, an intruder who has somehow wandered into a realm that does not belong to you. It’s not so much a place as a spectacle, a stunning, overbearing reminder of all that you must live up to, of all the scrutiny you’ll face from these grand walls, these glittering chandeliers, and yes, the very Queen herself. Every step feels like you are walking deeper into a lion’s den, where your every move will be scrutinized, your worth as a young lady judged by the sharpest eyes in the kingdom.
You move with the other debutantes, each girl dressed in white, adorned with jewels and delicate veils, the picture of youth and grace. The line seems to stretch forever as you wait your turn to be announced. The air is thick with anticipation, the rustle of satin and silk as the ladies murmur quietly to one another, some excited, others as nervous as you feel. Your own dress, despite its beauty, feels like a trap. The corset restricts your every breath, and the weight of expectation presses on your shoulders like a leaden cloak.
Your heart pounds in your chest as you scan the room, your nerves growing worse by the second. And then, in the far corner, you spot them. Minghao stands with an air of composure, his eyes quietly observing the room, his presence as regal as ever. Your brother watches the proceedings with a detached elegance, his eyes flickering over the debutantes without much interest. His gaze flicks to you, and for a moment, you feel a strange sense of calm knowing your brother is watching.
But next to him, is Seokmin.
He stands taller than most, his posture rigid but his face warm, though tinged with concern. While your brother is a portrait of his birthright and title, Seokmin is different. His gaze is sharper, more intent, and when his eyes find yours, the familiar comfort of his presence makes your heart stutter. You try to remind yourself to breathe, but the memory of his touch, his words, from the night prior clings to you like a shadow.
Seokmin’s expression softens when he sees you, and for a moment, the whole room seems to fall away. His lips quirk in a small, reassuring smile, and though you try to return it, your own face feels tight, your nerves too frayed to muster anything convincing.
As if sensing your unease, Seokmin’s eyes narrow with concern. Does he notice how your corset presses too tightly into your ribs? Or how your eyes are puffy from lack of sleep? The warmth in his gaze is mixed with a flicker of something unreadable, something almost protective. You are painfully aware of his gaze, and the thought of him watching you stumble through this day feels like too much to bear.
The line of debutantes inches forward, each young lady presented with grace and poise, or at least, the appearance of it. Your nerves churn violently in your stomach as your name is finally called. Your mother tightens her grip, ever so slightly, and it’s a silent reminder – You are a Xu. Do not falter. 
“Miss Y/N Xu, sister of the Duke of Somerset,” the herald crows, and every eye in the room fixes on you. “Presented by her mother, the Right Honorable Dowager Duchess of Somerset.”
Your legs feel like jelly as you take your first step forward, your skirts swishing around you. The weight of the gown, the tightness of your corset, and the heavy stares from all corners of the room press down on you. You try to steady your breathing, but the corset refuses to allow for even that small comfort.
Just as you take a step, disaster strikes.
Your heel catches on the hem of your gown.
You stumble forward, arms flailing slightly to catch yourself, but the weight of your skirts and the tightness of your corset make it impossible to recover gracefully. A collective gasp echoes through the room, and you feel your cheeks flush with mortification.
The whispers are instant, rippling through the crowd like wildfire. You can feel the stares—sharp, judgmental, unforgiving. Your mother’s grip tightens, and though she says nothing, you can feel her disapproval radiating through her hold. She doesn’t need to scold you—not in public. But the sting of her disappointment is enough to make you want to shrink into the floor.
Still, you manage to regain your footing, if only barely. You take a shaky breath and continue forward, your knees trembling with each step. But it gets worse. With every move, the corset seems to tighten further, squeezing the breath from your lungs until black spots dance in the corners of your vision.
Just as you’re about to curtsy before the Queen, your knees buckle.
A choking cough rips from your throat, loud and desperate, echoing through the grand hall. You’re bent over at the waist, gasping for breath, your corset pressing tighter with every moment. You cough again, and again, unable to stop, your eyes watering as you struggle to compose yourself.
The Queen, perched on her throne in all her regal glory, watches with a raised eyebrow, her disapproval palpable. Her expression is one of distaste, as if you are a spectacle—an amusing disaster.
Your mother murmurs beside you, “Steady yourself,” and her grip tightens with fury and disappointment in equal measure. It’s too late. Your corset has robbed you of the ability to breathe, and the weight of the entire room’s gaze crushes you. Your vision swims again, and for one horrifying moment, you think you might faint right there in front of the Queen.
Finally, you manage to straighten yourself, gasping for air, your face flushed and tear-streaked. You risk a glance toward the far side of the room, where Minghao and Seokmin still stand.
Minghao’s face is impassive, though his eyes are dark with what could only be disappointment. Seokmin, on the other hand, looks as though he might bolt across the room to help you. His hands clench at his sides, his jaw tight as his eyes flick between you and the Queen.
The Queen’s cold, cutting voice slices through the silence. “Miss Xu,” she says slowly, her tone dripping with disapproval. “It seems you are... unwell.”
Your heart sinks into your stomach. You manage a wobbly curtsy, your knees nearly giving out beneath you again as you lower yourself.
“Perhaps Miss Y/N should reconsider her readiness for society,” the Queen continues icily. “A young lady of such delicate constitution may not be suited for the rigors of court.”
Her words land like a blow. You rise slowly, trying to keep your chin held high, though your hands tremble and your vision remains blurry from the humiliation. All you want is for this moment to end. To disappear.
As you retreat, the whispers rise in volume, filling the grand hall with gossip and speculation. You can feel the weight of every gaze on you, every judgment passed in an instant. But it is Seokmin’s gaze that you search for in the crowd. His eyes meet yours, and though they are filled with concern, they are also gentle, understanding. A small comfort in the midst of your disaster.
Your mother, ever composed, whispers to you as she leads you from the room, her voice calm but firm. “We will speak of this later, darling. But for now, we must leave with grace.”
You nod weakly, still too breathless and embarrassed to respond. And as you step out of the grand hall, the day that was supposed to mark your entrance into society feels like anything but. All you can think about is how miserably everything went wrong—and how, even in the midst of it all, Seokmin’s gaze had found yours, steady and unwavering.
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The silence presses on as the carriage trundles through the city streets, each wheel hitting the cobbles with a sound like a hammer to your heart. You’re trapped, here in this carriage, with no escape from your mother’s disappointment or the day’s memories—the whispered laughter, the blunder before the Queen, and the sheer, unbearable heat of your mortification.
Minghao’s hand rests over yours for only a heartbeat, but it’s enough to keep you from crumbling entirely. Though he releases your hand quickly to avoid Mama’s watchful eye, the gesture is enough to ground you, pulling you back to this place instead of letting you spiral into all the things you could have, should have done differently.
At last, your mother clears her throat, a carefully composed sound that cuts through the quiet like a knife.
“Well,” she says, her voice clipped and precise, “that was… quite the spectacle.” Her tone is a blend of disappointment and a tight, forced restraint. “I had hoped, naturally, for a… more dignified presentation.”
You swallow, feeling the flush of embarrassment burn anew. “I—” you start, but the words catch, failing under the weight of everything you wish to explain and the knowledge that no explanation will undo what’s done.
She adjusts her gloves with a sharp, precise tug, a calculated movement that somehow manages to convey her frustration without a single word. “I trust,” she begins slowly, every syllable measured, “that you understand the gravity of today’s events.”
You swallow, focusing on the intricate embroidery of your gown, tracing the delicate threads to distract yourself from the pressing sting of her words.
“Mother, I—” you stammer, but she holds up a gloved hand, silencing you before the words even form.
“We spent months preparing for this moment,” she continues, her voice tight with restrained emotion. “Months, to ensure you would have the debut any young lady of our family should. Your dress, your bearing, every detail was attended to so you would represent us with grace, with decorum. And yet, today…” She trails off, her eyes gliding over you with a look that could curdle milk.
“It wasn’t her fault,” Minghao interjects quietly, and though his tone is gentle, there’s a faint edge to his words, as though even he cannot quite hold back his defense. He shoots a quick, sidelong glance at you, a small, reluctant smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “The Queen’s hall was suffocating, and the entire affair was clearly designed to unnerve anyone in attendance.”
Your mother’s expression softens just a fraction as she regards her son, but she’s hardly swayed. “The Queen’s hall has been the site of countless debuts. If anything, the occasion called for composure, not… fainting spells.”
You clench your fists, the fabric of your dress twisting between your fingers, and look resolutely at the floor. As painful as it is to hear, you know your mother is not entirely wrong. Today was supposed to be your moment of triumph, the day you stepped forward as a young woman ready for society, carrying your family’s reputation with poise and dignity.
But instead, you remember the heat that had pressed in from all sides, the feeling of your corset cutting into your ribs, how your hands had trembled with each step. It was supposed to have been an easy task, to walk forward, cursty, and meet the Queen’s gaze with calm respect. And yet, you had felt every gaze upon you like a burn, each stumble echoing through the endless hall. And then, Seokmin’s eyes finding yours, calm and steady…
The memory stirs something warm within you, a faint flicker of relief that somehow dampens the embarrassment. The Queen’s gaze may have been unyielding, your mother’s disappointment all-consuming, but for that one moment, you had felt tethered, no longer alone.
Outside, the sun dips lower, casting long shadows across the city as the carriage continues its steady roll homeward. The silence stretches again, and the weight of it settles around you like an invisible veil. Minghao catches your eye, and though he says nothing, the look he gives you speaks volumes—a quiet reassurance, a reminder that this one day does not define you, that he still believes in you despite every misstep.
Your mother finally sighs, a faint softening in her shoulders. “We’ll regroup,” she murmurs, almost to herself. “There will be more opportunities, of course, but we’ll need to be mindful, thoughtful. A second chance may not be as kind.” She glances at you, and though her expression remains stern, there’s a glimmer of something almost like understanding.
The carriage ride stretches on in silence once more, each of you lost in thoughts. You glance out the window, watching the city roll by, lanterns casting fleeting golden glows against the carriage walls. It feels surreal, how a day so longed for turned into a series of mishaps, one after another. But as the carriage rounds a corner, you catch a memory from earlier: Seokmin’s eyes, grounding you, unwavering, somehow knowing how terrifying each step felt, how every misstep seemed amplified beneath the weight of so many watching.
As the carriage wheels finally begin to slow, approaching the gates of your family estate, you feel a shift within yourself. Today may have been a disaster, and yet, Seokmin’s gaze and Minghao’s quiet support linger, like small anchors in the storm of the day.
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The drawing room is a sanctuary of elegance, its ornate moldings and rich fabrics designed to impress. Tall windows frame the view of the manicured gardens outside, sunlight pouring through in golden streams that dance across the polished wooden floor. Yet, despite the beauty surrounding you, it feels more like a gilded cage today. The delicate scent of lavender from the nearby vase does little to soothe the turmoil within.
You sit hunched over a needlepoint project, your fingers fumbling with the bright threads that feel foreign against your skin. The canvas before you, a swirl of colors and patterns, seems to mock your inability to focus. Your mind wanders far beyond the needlework, replaying the events of your disastrous debut like a never-ending nightmare. Each time you think of it, a fresh wave of humiliation washes over you, sharp and unyielding, like a thorn that refuses to dislodge itself from your heart.
“Goodness, how is one expected to focus with this nonsense?” you mutter under your breath, the needle slipping from your fingers yet again and leaving a careless knot in the thread. You curse softly, frustration bubbling to the surface.
Your mother sits comfortably in her armchair, her brow slightly furrowed as she loses herself in the pages of a novel, the rustle of paper punctuating the silence. Minghao lounges on the settee across from you, flipping through a collection of sketches, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement at his artistic efforts. Every so often, his gaze flickers towards you, a mixture of concern and curiosity etched into his features, but he respects your silence, understanding that you are still recovering from the scarring events of your debut into polite society.
Just then, the door swings open, and Seokmin steps into the room, his presence a burst of light that seems to chase away the shadows clinging to your thoughts. It has been years since the butler last announced his arrival—his visits are far too frequent now, and you can’t help but feel a mix of warmth and apprehension at his entrance. His usually buoyant demeanor is tempered by a trace of concern as he takes in the scene before him, the way your shoulders droop as if weighed down by invisible chains.
“Good morning!” he declares, his voice bright yet careful, testing the waters of your melancholy. “I do hope I’m not intruding.”
“Not at all,” your mother replies, glancing up from her book, her eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief. “In fact, you may be just what our dear girl needs.”
You offer a small, half-hearted smile, the corners of your lips barely lifting. “And what would that be? A distraction or a dose of reality?”
Seokmin approaches, his smile as warm as the sunlight flooding the room. “A bit of both, if you’ll allow me.” He perches himself on the arm of your chair, leaning in just enough to draw your focus from the needlepoint chaos. “That was quite the debut you had, dear friend. How are you holding up?”
“Barely,” you sigh, tossing the errant needlepoint aside as if it were the source of all your woes. “I feel as if I’ve stumbled through a door marked ‘exit’ into an abyss of mortification.”
His eyes widen with sympathy, and in that moment, your heart flutters, torn between admiration and the painful reality that he may never feel the same. Seokmin has a way of making the world feel lighter, yet your feelings for him are a weight that often threatens to pull you under.
“Ah, yes,” he nods sagely, as if you have just shared the most profound wisdom. “The abyss of polite society can be quite unforgiving. I believe it’s marked with ‘no entrance’ signs, but alas, they are easily overlooked.”
Minghao chuckles softly, his attention now fully diverted from his sketches. “You do have a gift for exaggeration, Seokmin.”
“It’s a talent,” Seokmin replies, feigning an air of grandeur, his hand pressing dramatically to his heart. “But truly, do not let the Queen’s judgment define you. You are far too radiant for that.”
You snort, the sound escaping before you can suppress it. “Radiant? Is that what you call it when one trips over their own gown and nearly faints in front of our sovereign?”
“Why, yes! A splendid display of athleticism!” he shoots back, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’ve inadvertently entertained a room full of people—something they are certain to remember for ages.”
“But not in the way I had hoped,” you reply, frustration seeping into your voice as the memory of the evening flashes before your eyes, a storm of embarrassment churning within you.
“Ah, but hope can be a slippery creature,” he counters, tilting his head to meet your gaze. “What matters is how you choose to move forward. I have heard of many a lady whose debut was marred by similar accidents—yet they rise from the ashes like phoenixes, dazzling everyone with their resilience.”
“Is that your way of saying I should make a grand return to society?” You raise an eyebrow, your heart flickering with the suggestion. “Perhaps adorned in feathers and sequins to distract from my previous mistake?”
“I’d be the first to support such a feat,” he replies earnestly, the sincerity in his voice a soothing balm for your frayed nerves. But beneath your amusement lies an aching truth: his encouragement only highlights the chasm between your feelings and his indifference. He will never look at you the way you long for.
“Yes, Lord Lee, what a wonderful idea!” your mother exclaims, her book long forgotten. “The Fitzwilliam Ball is to be held in the coming weeks—what a splendid way for our darling girl to re-enter society!”
Your face falls. A ball? So soon? The very thought sends a tremor of panic racing through you. “Mama, I—”
“Yes, Mother, a splendid idea indeed,” Minghao muses, a teasing glint in his eye. When you turn your glare to him, he sticks his tongue out meanly, and Seokmin suppresses a chuckle.
You take a deep breath, fighting against the swell of anxiety rising in your chest. “I’m not certain I’m ready for another ball, not after—” you start, but the words die on your lips as Seokmin’s gaze locks onto yours. His expression is gentle yet determined, a silent encouragement that stirs something deep within you.
“Ready or not, life moves on,” he says softly, leaning closer as if sharing a secret. “You have to take the reins, even if the prospect is daunting.”
You want to believe him, to embrace his unwavering optimism, but doubt gnaws at you. Can you truly face another crowd, the whispers, the judgment? Your heart flutters erratically, caught in a tempest of affection and despair. Seokmin’s eyes shine with an earnestness that quickens your pulse, yet it only reminds you of the gulf that lies between your feelings and his casual indifference.
“Life indeed moves on,” you echo, your voice barely above a whisper, more to yourself than to anyone else. “But what if I stumble again? What if I make an even greater fool of myself?”
Seokmin’s smile falters for just a moment, replaced by a flicker of understanding that cuts through the air like a knife. “We all stumble, but that’s how we learn to rise,” he replies, his tone steady yet soft. “And besides, I’ll be there. I promise I’ll help you navigate any disaster.”
His words wrap around you like a lifeline, a flicker of hope igniting your heart. But as the warmth of his promise settles in, a cold weight begins to press upon you. You look into his eyes, searching for something more, but find only the steadfast gaze of a friend—someone who would catch you if you fell, but only as a friend.
“Right,” you murmur, the pain of acceptance settling in your chest like a stone, heavy and unyielding, a reminder of the distance between you.
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The late evening light filters softly through the sheer curtains of your room, casting a warm glow that barely reaches the pile of books haphazardly stacked beside your bed. These books, filled with tales of love and adventure, have provided a much-needed refuge from the reality of your recent debut. For days now, you’ve chosen to cocoon yourself in their comforting embrace, avoiding the whispers and curious glances of society that followed you after your disastrous introduction.
You had resolutely refused to attend any of the society events your mother deemed essential—the lady’s tea, with its orchestrated conversations and veiled judgments, or the garden party, where laughter seemed to echo around you while you felt only isolation. The thought of facing the same debutantes, the same mamas, their glances lingering a moment too long on you, made your stomach churn. Instead, you preferred the solace of your room, the pages of your books offering both distraction and comfort as you lost yourself in worlds far removed from the judgmental eyes of the ton.
But tonight, your mother is insistent. At last, the Fitzwilliam Ball is upon you, and you have no escape from your mother’s gentle chiding. “Darling,” she calls gently, her voice a melody that pulls you from the pages of your latest escape. The delicate scent of lavender wafts through the air as she steps into the room, her presence commanding yet warm. It is an unusual moment—your lady’s maid typically oversees your dressing, managing the layers of fabric and the intricate details of your ensemble. But today, it is your mother who steps into that role, a significant act that carries with it the weight of her affection and a chance to bridge the gap that your previous missteps had created.
“It’s time to get ready, my dear,” she says, her tone gentle but firm, as she approaches your wardrobe. As she opens the doors, the sight of your gown hanging inside takes your breath away.
The dress, an ethereal creation of lavender silk, shimmers like moonlight trapped in fabric. The bodice is adorned with intricate embroidery that depicts delicate vines and blossoms, each stitch telling a story of artistry and care. The sleeves are fitted, with lace cascading down to create a soft ruffle at the wrist, and the skirt flows in layers, each tier of lace and silk billowing like clouds as it moves. It is a gown befitting a princess, meticulously designed to showcase your family’s esteemed standing while allowing a hint of youthful exuberance to shine through.
“This gown is truly magnificent,” you murmur, your fingers tracing the embroidered flowers as your mother gently lifts it from the wardrobe. “I can’t believe you chose it yourself.”
“Of course, I did. It’s time for your grand re-entrance to society, after all,” she replies, a smile dancing on her lips as she helps you into the gown. The fabric wraps around you like a dream, soft and luxurious, but as your mother laces the bodice, the realization of how tightly it pulls leaves you breathless. Each tug of the laces feels like a reminder of the expectations that have come to define you, but your mother’s presence softens the edges of that pressure.
Yet, it is not discomfort that fills the room. Instead, the sounds of your mother’s laughter and intelligence wrap themselves around you. Your mother’s hands are gentle as she fastens each lace, her fingers brushing against your skin in a manner that reassures you. The stern disappointment of your debut, where you felt like a shadow beneath the weight of expectations, seems to dissipate, replaced by her usual grace and kindness. As she works, her voice drifts like a melody, recounting stories from her own youth, her laughter echoing softly against the mirror as if the memories bring light to the room.
With every loop of ribbon and every gentle tug, she weaves a tapestry of love and support, a tangible reminder that tonight is not merely a duty but a celebration of who you are. As she arranges your hair into an elegant updo, delicately weaving in pearl pins that glimmer like stars, you catch a glimpse of the woman she has always been beneath the layers of propriety. The warmth of her presence washes over you, igniting a flicker of hope that perhaps tonight will mark a new beginning.
“Are you ready?” she asks, stepping back to admire her handiwork, a satisfied gleam in her eyes.
“I suppose as ready as I’ll ever be,” you reply, taking a moment to admire your reflection. The gown transforms you into a vision of beauty, yet beneath the surface, you feel a tempest of uncertainty swirling within you.
“Now, let’s see what your brother thinks.” Your mother gestures toward the door, and as you descend the staircase, your heart quickens with every step.
At the foot of the stairs, Minghao waits patiently, the embodiment of duty and familial pride. His presence, regal and calm, adds to the moment’s gravity. Dressed in a tailored coat that accentuates his stature, he stands as the dutiful son and duke, ready to escort both you and your mother to the ball. The contrast between his composed demeanor and your own fluttering heart is stark, yet comforting. As you make your way down the stairs, your mother’s gentle squeeze of your hand gives you a modicum of strength, each step drawing you closer to the world outside that awaits your return.
“Sister,” Mighao greets, mirth dancing in his eyes. “I suppose if tonight is your big night, this gown does not offend the eyes.”
“Minghao!” Your mother’s rebuke is instant, a gentle reprimand that lightens the atmosphere with her authority.
“For goodness’ sake, brother,” you admonish, donning a façade of false bravado to hide the anxiety swirling within. “It seems as if you would simply keel over before you ever paid me a proper compliment!” You attempt to feign indignation, but the corners of your mouth betray you with the hint of a smile.
As you reach the bottom step, he extends his arm, a silent invitation to escort both you and your mother to the ball. It’s a gesture of duty, but there’s an undertone of affection that brings warmth to your heart. He may be the dutiful son and duke, poised and impeccably dressed in his tailored attire, but in this moment, he is simply your brother—standing beside you as a steadfast protector against the uncertainties of the evening ahead.
Your mother glances at both of you, her eyes sparkling with pride and a hint of nostalgia. “Shall we?” she prompts, her voice carrying a note of excitement that sends a flutter through your stomach.
With a deep breath, you take Minghao’s arm, feeling the reassuring strength of his presence as he leads you both toward the waiting carriage. The air outside is brisk, filled with the scent of blooming jasmine and the distant hum of music preparing to fill the grand halls. Each step you take resonates with the rhythm of your heartbeat, a mix of trepidation and hope.
As you settle into the plush interior of the carriage, the door closes with a soft click, sealing you away from the familiar confines of home and ushering you into a world of possibility. The grandeur of the evening awaits, and as the carriage rolls forward, the cobblestones beneath you echo with the anticipation of what’s to come.
You can’t shake the feeling that this night holds the promise of something new—perhaps redemption, or at the very least, the opportunity to reclaim your place among the society that had once felt so cruel. As the carriage sways gently with each turn, you steal a glance at your mother and brother, their expressions a blend of excitement and encouragement. In this moment, surrounded by their unwavering support, you begin to believe that maybe, just maybe, tonight could be different.
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Fate is certainly a cruel mistress—despite your greatest hopes, the ball is positively dismal.
The ballroom is every bit as grand as you’d imagined—no, grander. Chandeliers dripping with golden light cascade overhead, casting a warm, ethereal glow over the polished marble floor. The air is thick with the intoxicating scent of roses and jasmine, mingling with the lively music of the orchestra, where violins soar and the occasional trill of laughter punctuates the harmony. Silks and satins swirl in every direction as the season’s debutantes twirl with their suitors, their gowns a riot of color that makes you feel like a ghost in comparison.
But none of it feels as magical as you once thought it would. Instead, you stand to the side, clutching the silk of your gown, its intricate lace and delicate pearls feeling like a weight rather than a luxury. Your mother had ensured that every stitch was perfect, every detail immaculate, to help erase the memory of your disastrous debut. Yet, it hasn’t worked. The whispers haven’t stopped. Even here, amidst the splendor, you can feel the gazes sliding over you, only to dart away, as if your very presence is a reminder of your failure.
The other debutantes are radiant, their smiles bright as they are swept onto the dance floor by handsome, eligible gentlemen. But you... you might as well be invisible.
Your heart sinks as you watch them, a heavy weight settling in your chest. This is meant to be a night of joy and celebration, yet you feel like a fragile glass ornament left behind, forgotten in the bustle of a festive occasion. The laughter and music create a vibrant tapestry of life around you, but inside, you’re drowning in a sea of insecurity and self-doubt.
Just when despair threatens to envelop you entirely, a presence beside you breaks through the haze. Seokmin, as effortlessly charming as ever, sidles up, his dark eyes twinkling with mischief. “Quite the spectacle, isn’t it?” he remarks, his voice low so only you can hear. “I’m certain some of these mamas could lead an army with the way they maneuver their daughters.”
You blink at him, surprised by his lightheartedness. Despite the heat of embarrassment burning your cheeks, a smile pulls at your lips, momentarily pushing aside the shadows clouding your heart.
Before you can respond, he holds his hand out to you, a silent invitation, and for a moment, you hesitate. Seokmin, who could have any lady in the room, is asking you to dance? Your heart stutters, a wild flutter of hope mingling with anxiety, and you glance around, acutely aware of the whispers beginning to stir again. People are noticing the exchange, their eyes narrowing in speculation. But Seokmin stands before you, his hand outstretched, waiting with an easy confidence that momentarily disarms you.
With a deep breath, you place your gloved hand in his, and he leads you to the center of the ballroom as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The moment your feet hit the floor, however, the murmurs begin in earnest, slicing through the enchantment that had briefly settled around you.
“Isn’t that the girl?” someone whispers, just loud enough for you to hear. “The one who fainted?”
“I’d heard,” another voice chimes in, “that no one would ask her to dance. Poor dear, but what did she expect after such a performance?”
You keep your eyes firmly fixed on Seokmin, but each word is like a needle, sharp and painful, pricking at your composure. The worst of it comes when you catch sight of one of the mamas, her face set in a smirk as she whispers to her daughter—the same daughter you had once taken pianoforte lessons with. The girl lets out a small, mean-spirited laugh, and your stomach twists, the laughter echoing like a death toll.
The memory of your debut hangs over you like a dark cloud, heavy and suffocating. Your embarrassment simmers, threatening to boil over. The murmurs become unbearable, and instinctively, you move to pull away from Seokmin, ready to flee. But before you can, his grip tightens, firm but gentle.
“Leaving so soon?” he teases, his voice low and playful, a lifeline in the midst of the storm. “Didn’t your mama teach you it’s bad manners to leave in the middle of a dance?”
You try to focus on his words, on the feel of his hand in yours, but it’s no use. You feel like every eye is on you, dissecting your every movement, judging, whispering, laughing. Seokmin is a shield, but he can’t block all the venom aimed at you.
“I can’t—” you begin, your voice thick with emotion, but Seokmin cuts you off.
He reaches up, loosening a perfectly pinned curl from your hair, letting it fall gently by your cheek. His eyes are soft, almost tender, and in that moment, you feel something flutter to life in your chest. “Eyes on me, Tulip,” he murmurs, and the way he says it—so calm, so sure—makes your heart skip a beat.
For the briefest moment, you think he might love you. That despite the gossip, despite the humiliation, Seokmin sees you—the girl beneath the debutante, the one who has admired him from afar for so long. But then, out of the corner of your eye, you see Minghao. He stands by the edge of the ballroom, watching. And then—he nods. It’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but Seokmin notices, and he nods back.
Your blood runs cold.
You blink up at Seokmin, the warmth in your chest turning to ice. “Did you do this because Minghao asked you to?” The words slip out before you can stop them, low and desperate, laced with betrayal.
Seokmin’s brow furrows. “Do what?”
“This. The dance.” You glance around at the swirling crowd, the eyes that have never left you. “The attention. Did you ask me because he wanted you to? To salvage my prospects?”
His confusion is genuine, but the truth is written in his face—open, honest, and devastating. He hesitates, and it’s all you need to know.
“Damn you,” you whisper, voice shaking with fury and hurt. His eyes widen, shocked by the venom in your voice, the curse slipping from your lips like something foreign. “Damn you, Lee Seokmin.”
“Y/N—” he starts, his voice softening, trying to explain, to defend himself. But you don’t give him the chance.
“I thought,” you continue, the words tumbling out in a rush, “I thought you asked me because you wanted to, not because you were told to. I thought you held me in higher regard than this.” You laugh bitterly, a sound that catches in your throat. “How foolish of me.”
The onlookers are whispering more now, their curiosity piqued by the tension in the air, the way your voice trembles with barely contained emotion. But you don’t care. You’re done caring.
With a mocking curtsy, you drop your hands from his and step back. “My lord,” you say, dripping with sarcasm, “I do apologize for any inconvenience to your social standing.”
Seokmin’s eyes widen, panic flashing in them as he realizes the gravity of your words, the weight of what you’re about to do. “Y/N, wait—”
But you don’t wait. You turn on your heel and stalk toward the ballroom’s exit, your skirts swirling around you in a flurry of lilac silk and lace, your heart pounding painfully in your chest. The gasps and murmurs of the guests fade into the background as you flee, your vision blurred with unshed tears.
Behind you, Seokmin’s voice calls out, desperate, pleading. “Y/N, please—stay—”
But you don’t look back. You run.
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The chill of the night air bites at your skin as you emerge from the grand ballroom, the sounds of the festivities quickly swallowed by the night. Minghao is hot on your heels, and you hear the familiar click of his shoes echoing against the cobblestone streets. As you enter the carriage, your fury erupts like a dam breaking.
“How dare you meddle in my life?” you exclaim, the words bursting forth with a fervor that sends a shiver down your spine. The tears spill over, mingling with the delicate fabric, each droplet a testament to your exasperation. “I wish to be left alone!”
Minghao, ever the picture of serene composure, raises an eyebrow, though his calm demeanor only serves to ignite your temper further. “I’m only trying to help you, dear sister,” he replies, his voice as soothing as a summer breeze.
“Help? Is that what you call this? You think I’m some delicate flower that requires your constant tending?” Your heart beats faster, each pulse an echo of your indignation. “You are not my keeper, Minghao!”
He opens his mouth, surely to deliver some well-meaning retort, but you are not in the mood for restraint. “You think I can’t manage my own affairs? That I need you to dictate who I should associate with? Let me remind you, I am not a child!”
In a fit of fury, you throw one of your shoes toward him, the delicate slipper soaring through the air; Minghao ducks just in time, the shoe landing with a soft thud against the carriage wall.
“Is this truly your idea of a civilized discussion?” he remarks, feigning offense. “Throwing footwear instead of engaging in rational discourse? My, how you’ve mastered the art of temper tantrums!”
“Better to throw a shoe than to be lectured like a schoolgirl!” you counter, your voice rising to match his. “You presume to know what is best for me, but you are merely reflecting your own apprehensions! You have no concept of my struggles!”
Minghao’s brow furrows, and for a fleeting moment, his expression softens, as if he might relent. But then he leans forward, his voice low and fervent. “And you believe that sulking in the corner will resolve anything? You are only isolating yourself further!”
“Perhaps I wish to be alone!” you declare, your voice ringing with defiance, the words spilling out like water from a broken dam. “Perhaps I grow weary of this charade, that everything is perfect when it is most decidedly not!”
A tense silence envelops the carriage, the air thick with unspoken words. You both breathe heavily, the conflict hanging between you like a fine silk thread ready to snap. The rest of the ride is steeped in a heavy silence, each passing moment thickening the air with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. You lean against the plush seat of the carriage, your gaze fixed on the world outside. The blurred lights of the city flicker past, dimming into the encroaching darkness, and with each glimmer that fades from view, a piece of your heart seems to shatter.
Inside, your thoughts spiral. Betrayal gnaws at you like a ravenous beast, devouring any remnants of confidence you had managed to muster before the ball. Seokmin was supposed to be your ally in this fight, your so-called “loyal servant”; a beacon of warmth amidst hushed whispers. Yet now, as the reality settles in, you realize he is merely Minghao's friend, not yours. 
How could you have been so naïve? Your mind races back to moments you once cherished: the laughter shared over private nicknames, the comfort of his presence when you felt small and insignificant. He had danced with you, yes, but it had been an act of duty, an obligation to your brother, not a genuine desire to hold you close. You had hoped, foolishly, that he might look beyond your failed debut, that he might understand the person beneath the gown and lace. Yet here you are, reduced to a mere pawn in a game you didn’t even want to play.
A sob catches in your throat, but you swallow it down. Instead, you grip the edges of your gown tightly, feeling the intricate lace and delicate pearls dig into your palms, until you are sure you will have bruises in the morning.
How could Seokmin have allowed himself to be used this way? Did he not care enough to stand by you when it mattered most? He had seen you, yes, but only through the lens of loyalty to Minghao, not as the woman you wished to be, not as the friend you had thought he saw.
By the time the carriage arrives at your home, the bitterness in your chest is a wellspring of anguish. The vibrant ball is now a distant memory, a dream turned nightmare, and all you can do is silently mourn the friendship you thought would endure. You glance at Minghao, his face set in a mask of determination, oblivious to the storm of emotion swirling inside you.
As you step out of the carriage, he follows closely behind, his footsteps heavy with regret. “Y/N,” he begins, his voice low and earnest, “I thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought—”
You cut him off, spinning to face him, your expression fierce with hurt. “It’s too late, brother,” you declare, the words like shards of glass spilling from your lips. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. You’ve ruined everything.”
His eyes widen, a mixture of shock and remorse flooding his features. “I never meant to hurt you—”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant!” you snap, frustration and pain intertwining in a chaotic dance. “You acted without thinking. You’ve taken something precious from me.”
Minghao opens his mouth to argue, to defend himself, but the words die on his lips. The truth hangs in the air, heavy and palpable, as the reality of your fractured trust settles between you.
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For the rest of the season, you do your best to blend into the walls at every ball, and you succeed. You become a shadow flitting between vibrant gowns and boisterous laughter. Each event becomes a blur of swirling colors and muffled sounds. You move quietly, navigating the sea of opulence with a heavy heart, wearing a mask of indifference that hides the turmoil brewing just beneath the surface.
You linger in corners, your fingers tracing the intricate patterns of wallpaper as if seeking solace in their delicate designs. The bright chandeliers above cast their warm glow on the happy couples swirling in perfect harmony, while you remain firmly anchored in your solitude, an invisible wall erected around your heart. You watch as others twirl and laugh, and your heart aches for Seokmin’s easy companionship, the lively conversations and playful banter that now feel like a distant memory.
With each passing ball, the weight of your isolation grows heavier. Minghao’s well-intentioned apologies echo in your mind, but their impact fades against the reality of your existence. You’ve become an expert at deflecting curious gazes, practicing the art of blending in so well that the laughter and music seem to wash over you like water off a duck’s back.
But it is Seokmin’s absence that echoes loudest in your heart. He might have always been your brother’s best friend, but you had hoped he would be something more—something real. As the music swells, the realization settles heavily on your shoulders: you are utterly, irrevocably alone.
Seokmin doesn’t ask you to dance again for the rest of the season. 
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Tagging: @kibs-and-bits@moondustmemories@shinwonderful@ivehypnosis@gwend0lyne @thestoryofana13 @mellowamour @blissedjoon @begentlewithme-please @xabsolutelynothingx @reiofsuns2001 @mngyulvrs @mooniewrld @archivistworld @lexyraeworld @ateez-atiny380 @walkinganxiety01 @lovecleastrange
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neige-leblanche · 9 months ago
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kinda stupid vent post, gonna try not to let it show up in any searches but sorry if it does, also mentions of ñsfw so i'd prefer minors didn't read
i just found out the frontman of the o/rion experience flirted with a bunch of minors & besides obviously being upset bc i'd loved their music, i had their song sugar on my r/ookneige playlist which . with the added context some of the lyrics are INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. & like. i do like r/ookneige in part bc r/ook is almost uncannily worldly whereas n/eige is sweet & a little stupid. and i was reminded of a time i read a ñsfw fanfic that i loved in part bc it involved a lot of doting & praising and then when i went to the author's profile to see their other fics was immediately smacked with adult/minor fic (sh/eith specifically, not like a 16 & 18y/o). which was just like. chilling bc the signs were there in the fic that i *did* like. and both of these experiences just make me feel like. am i disgusting in that way?????? i would never support fooling around with teenagers like that & i feel shocked and disgusted as anyone else when i hear about it. but like,, im terrified im just naturally predisposed to be gross like that & everything i enjoy is just a sign pointing towards the fact.
i don't wanna put anything in the tags bc that would be visible without the readmore so im gonna spitball a little in the next paragraph but u dont have to read it
and like. im on the asexual spectrum so this isnt entirely relevant to me. and also ive been in online kink spaces that v much stress the safe sane & consensual thing so i think of myself as someone w a fair enough grasp of that & sex-positivity in general. but stuff like this never fails to freak me out bc as clear as the line between Pervert (affectionate) & Pervert (derogatory) can be, im always gonna be scared of being the latter . or like. somebody seeing me as the latter whose values r different than mine (which ig is bound to happen to anyone talking outright abt ñsfw & kink since views vary so much; nobodys harrassed me yet bc i do try to be clear & respectful always; hopefully can keep that up🙏) but yeah. these situations always end up with Me feeling dirty too not just disgusted @ something external and i guess im just. terrified of the day when i realize im an awful person who's been disgusting everyone i've come into contact with & when no amount of sex positivity can save me . and idk if everybody has these fears or not. or like. the evidence backing up said fears
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oflgtfol · 9 months ago
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so for context me and this guy went to the same college for undergrad together. we were in the astronomy club together. we didnt start talking until the last like two years of my time there? because my first two years were spent with me being a reclusive freak who couldnt make friends or speak to anyone, and then online meetings because of covid. it was just casual like oh hi we are in the same club together to then like him being one of the people i gravitated towards for small talk because i didnt know anyone wlse in the club but he was really outgoing and became a board member so it was still like. We’re friendly and will chat but we arent friends yknow!
he wound up graduating before me by like a year but he met up with us for an astro club trip during the fall semester of my senior year. he had mentioned he worked at [redacted place] and so i was like 👉👈 how do u get a job there. and he gave me his boss’s email and then lo and behold when i graduated i emailed him and got the job as well
Now additional context this guy is like, 30? i think somewhere around there. and so by now he’s worked here for years enough to where he actually has a full time job elsewhere and only comes in here once a week
and so yknow once i got hired i didnt work a shift with him till like months after i started so then it was like oh im working X shift i’ll finally get to catch up with him lol!! but nowadays im working much more consistent and nearly full time hours here so i overlap with him at least once a month and so i’d say after actually working with him like we’re real friends now not just friendly hi there clubmates lulz
so then last weekend, the day before i overlapped a shift wirh him, i was alone in the building and panicking cuz i needed something so i was in the company slack like Hi everyone. Do you know where this important object is. and this guy was the first one to respond and was the only one whose response was actually helpful. so then when i worked with him rhe following day he asked how that went and i was filling him in and he was like, wait how do i not have your number? cuz u could just text me instead of feeling embarrassed for going into the whole company slack asking for help. so yknow like we’re friends AND coworkers now so its like whatevers yeah lol lets swap numbers who cares
but im so used to like, when swapping numbers w coworkers, to pretty much only talk about work stuff until we get more comfy talking outside work, and then occassionally move into brief casual conversations. so imagine my surprise when he just comes right out the bat swinging w the casual conversations. and its like yeah ok like we have years long history prior to working together as coworkers but its also like, i feel like we only actually became legit friends after working together??? so like idk there is still the coworkerly aspect to it that i cant shake
And so i start my joking along bc yeah whayever im not gonna make it weird but then like. i am an atrocious texter. i can and will take days to respond if not entire weeks. but yknow i have to work with this guy so i dont wanna leave him hanging and make things weird so after like 2-3 days i make sure to respond but then still leave things sparse, mostly because i was busy as fuck this week
so today he texts me while im on my break. the daily break schedules are posted publicly basically for anyone in our department to see regardless of if theyre actively working at the momsnt. so he texts me maybe 5 mins into my break and im like oh man is this a coincidence or not. and his text was like “why dont you stay late today so we can work a full shift together. no reason. just to hang out haha” LIKE HUH?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? and thats what prompted me to make that hmmmm post earlier today. like its not weird enough for my hackles to rise but its also like. Im baffled? im gobsmacked?
so im like man he can see im on my break i have no excuse to not text to finally i respond again and im like lol sorry i cant im so tired ive been working a lot this week (A. ive been looking forward to finishing malevolent s4 tonight all week long and i cannot do that if im working a surprise 14 hour shift. B. i am genuinely so tired and i really just need a nice night in. it was indeed a long week and C. it is a casual hint that like hi im not like purposefully ignoring you i just suck at texting because im so incredibly busy all the time)
AND HIS RESPONSE IS “AWW YEAH YOU WORK A LOT 🥺” LIKE. HUH ?!?! HUH ⁉️⁉️ Im even MORE baffled, even MORE gobsmacked than i was before. why are you a 30 year old man using 🥺 ????? and he says “no worries, our shifts still overlap so i’ll see you tonight” LIKE YEAH I KNOW ALREADY. I ACTUALLY LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE (he also has famously announced he never looks at the schedule because he always works the same singular shift every week - why is he looking at the schedule suddenly ????) HUH? HUH??? HUH?
like i really feel like im overthinking this and he’s just being friendly and potentially we have different ideas of what exactly our friendship entails and so i do not want to be like hey hi yeah we were classmates and all and you were one of the few friendly faces to me back when i was struggling to make any friends at all, and i do not want to insult those years by implying that like we arent actually friends enough to joke around and tex outside work related stuff, but also like. I am someone who requires either a decade of talking to someone daily, or like a trauma filled blood pact, to become actual friends with. so like yeah i would in fact call our friendliness in college something akin to friends but theres a difference between friends and Friends(TM) yknow? so im just left feeling absolutely fucking baffled by all this. Im baffled. bewildered even
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strwbrymlkshake · 3 years ago
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so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3
#mine#💿#im not upset bc of him im upset bc of something else but i wanna rant abt him anyways#he isnt good at holding conversations w me but tried to cheer me up which is nice. an attempt was made#im being less of a weirdo freak around him and distancing more ?? which is good i suppose#i love yandere culture and everything but i only want a yandere relationship thats not based on exploiting weaknesses#like a thing where each partner consents to whatever non traditional act etc. none of this weird stuff#the thing im upset about is sort of regarding my views abt it but not a ref to anything on here ugugugghrg#i dont understand why thered be people who want to see the light of their life in pain and hurting. its about worship and adoration#and treating your love like the object nearest to your heart. like an extension of you. not fucking abusing them#not abusing those who cant do anything for themselves. who cant fight back. who dont have the slightest idea#dont drag people into your sick fantasy just because it gets you off usdhwkffjdkgke im seething rn#anyway i tagged this abt my cd guy so i will continue to talk abt him. when he was messaging me i was very happy#i was so happy i could make him laugh and his happiness made me happy<3 but like literally i cant trust anyone anymore#i know one person cant take care of all my problems but i feel like they could contribute a little more. instead of ignoring me#idk maybe im being weird and everyone acknowledges me a normal amount.. i have irreversible damage in my brain<3#im being good about not obsessing. having other interests and goals. having a LIFE on my own without craving him everyday#i dont know if im doing it purposefully though or im just afraid. i know i am afraid but is that the only reason? i really am trying#i feel so heartbroken the way i felt more love when a cashier was being nicer to me than almost any of my friends#im like oh ill get doxxed writing that. but i dont think anyone is paying enough attention or cares enough to find me out anyway.#i will settle for second best even if it means they simply regard me positively :( i want to be liked so so badly. just for who i am#not anything like talents or appearance. just me. why doesnt anyone desire me for who i am? maybe its because who i am isnt the best yet#but i want to be loved even if im not the greatest and i dont think thats too much to ask. i want to be loved the way all humans love#but there isnt much of that any more. or if there is they sure have a funny way of showing it. im not supposed to rely on people for things#like this. but i cant just keep telling MYSELF i accept me. that i love me. because i know this already. im fine with me. but no one else#is. ive submitted to the ordeal of being known. to being vulnerable. to pouring my heart out. but everyone who touches it is filthy.#ive fixed myself to the best of my ability yet why am i not being taken notice of. i make myself look nice everyday. what does it take#its so sickening that its hard to find a kind person in the world. you ignore me. i was going to go great lengths to get you a present too#i was gna try so hard but its so easy for you to not try at all. oh well i cant cntrol others i can only sit being tormented by thr actions#i cant work hard enough to make you care about persevering. to not be indifferent. to not be boring. to not be neglectful
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lifealteringtimesandwich · 1 year ago
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HIIII errrrmmmm
1. are you named after anyone?
nah i mean i picked my name and i think i got it from some random person in the forum post but thats just like. where i saw the name n it stuck w me
2. when was the last time you cried?
i like actually never cry its really weird. probably when i thought to hard abt seeing idkhow live that never fails to freak me out
3. do you have kids?
oh hell nah mans i am in highschool
4. what sports do you play?
none!!!!!
5. do you use sarcasm?
yes alot
6. whats the first thing you notice about people?
i mean how they look idk how you can notice anything else FIRST
7. whats your eye color?
hazel!!! i have central heterochromia tho so i have like these dark blue rings around them
8. scary movies or happy endings?
im not a huge movie guy like at all n i like horror but ig happy wndings??? if its done right idk
9. any talents?
i dont have any talents but im okay at drawing and not great at playing bass
10. where were you born?
the us :P
11. what are your hobbies?
listening to music, playing bass, drawing, consuming the content i enjoy incredibly obsessively, playing da video games
12. do you have any pets?
two cats!!!!! <3
13. how tall are you?
5’6, maybe 5’6 and 1/2??? i forgor
14. favorite subject in school?
idk it rly depends on the teacher.. in terms of just general subject i’d say art or like science or history??? but this year soooo many of my teachers suck.. maybe spanish??? ive always liked spanish. i also like chem cuz i got friendz in it
15. dream job?
idk!!! if go 2 college i wanna go for like zoology but currently my hope is to be like a roadie for a bit!!!!!!
i never @ anyone but uhh do this if u want itz fun!!!
15 Questions 15 Mutuals
The rules are: Answer the 15 questions and tag 15 of your mutuals.
ty @trvbblemaker for the tag :D
Are you named after anyone?
not that i know of
2. When was the last time you cried?
like last week after the orthodontist lmao
3. Do you have kids?
i have plants
4. What sports do you play/have played?
i did gymnastics and dance now i do nothing~
5. Do you use sarcasm?
it's somewhat of a coping mechanism
6. What's the first thing you notice about people?
how they dress/their hair
7. What's your eye color?
hell if i know
8. Scary movies or Happy endings
happy endings :]
9. Any talents?
i'm rlly good at overthinking and ignoring problems (like genuinely tho ig i'm good at art)
10. Where were you born?
america 🇺🇸 (i hate it here)
11. What are your hobbies?
crocheting, watching shows, drawing
12. Do you have any pets?
cat named otis <3
13. How tall are you?
i think technically 5'4 1/2"
14. Favorite subject in school
art
15. Dream Job?
something i don't hate hopefully in an art field
no pressure tags: @newtness532 @lirdgorl @rainysaturdayafternoon @justkeepwalkingnothinghere @snek-amiga @deusetco @crayonssmellgood @arshemelsoe @lizvi @bbreaddog @noworneverphantom + open tag
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pepprs · 4 years ago
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this kinda fucking sucks actually!
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brieffs · 5 years ago
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junipeach · 5 years ago
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