#i dont tolerate his actions on the movie

[creatingblackcharacters]

Where is the line when it comes to calling out how people draw black characters? Im genuinely asking. Just did some digging in the elphaba tag. 28/35 of the top art did a great job of depicting her microbraids. Of those 7 that did a bad job, all but 2 of them put in effort to draw microbraids, its just that some of those artists arent very good. So… theyre practicing. Additionally, there were 2 pieces of art (in addition to that 35) that were clearly depicting the musical and book art (obvious fans for years, from before cynthia was cast and the movie). So… wheres the line? Do we call out just those 2 who didnt put in a real effort to draw her microbraids? Do we call out all 7 who didnt draw them well? Do we message them privately, even though we really dont know them at all besides this one piece we happened to come across? Do we send them an ask about it and hope they arent malicious? It stands to reason that they KNOW they should put in an effort, theyre in the *obvious* minority of artists in this fandom so… odds are they do not give a fuck about depicting Black hairstyles well. I dont want to make a fuss where its not beneficial, especially as a non black person, for the obvious reasons of how fandoms typically treat black fans. But, there IS an issue, however small a percentage… so wheres the line?

I must admit, this one gave me an off vibe 😅 To one of your concerns, Let me put it this way:

"I know that Nazi will never change his mind, so I'll let him keep speaking loudly in the room where I and everyone else is sitting. It won't make a difference if I say anything to him. If we ignore him, he'll go away."

Is that true?

Or will speaking up let that Nazi know that at least ONE person in the room hears their bullshit and doesn't accept it? Will speaking up let the people in the room that the Nazi was targeting realize that everyone else in the room isn't also a Nazi that condones the way they're being treated? Will it allow them to feel stronger in speaking up? Will it at least show that you are not a fellow Nazi, because your actions are what deliver- and silence and tolerance delivers nothing, in this case?

"Making a fuss where it's not beneficial"- I always say here that my entire purpose is not to change your minds, but to shatter the excuse of your ignorance. I could have always just ended it with "everyone's a goddamn racist for funsies on here and I hate all of you"- because in my experience when we talk about "where's the line" on here, it's almost non-existent for the majority, not the minority! It's incredibly tempting to damn you all!

Instead, I made an entire blog to give people a chance. If I, who actually undergoes the very bigotry I teach about, have the grace to do that for you, I do believe that everyone else can reach inside for the strength to apply and hold accountable. There's always a benefit to speaking up against racism and injustice, even if it's not "changing their mind".

Now, if you genuinely just don't want to do that, then don't- but recognize that that's not because nothing can be done! That said, you don't have to fight every battle, and every battle doesn't have to be a fight! For those who you genuinely think are just "new" or "learning" artists, when you point out the issue, you can offer guidance. "Hey, here's an idea on how to better capture this braid pattern in a way that more accurately reflects Black hair". It doesn't have to be a "callout" off rip. If they don't take it well, then that's on them. That's a reflection of their character, not yours. And as a nonblack person, that is a role in your allyship that is important, because I don't expect Black people to have to show grace and teach to those who do wrong by us.

So no, I can't give you some statistically defined line of "oh this is antiblackness". because it's not that simple and it never has been.

[sylwanin-was-right]

Cameron making Spider a child character, let alone a Tarzan-esque "native on the inside" side-protagonist would make certain ppl so obsessed w him for such troubling reasons, to me 😭.

His character is the best foil to his violent military father bc he's the perfect character to project guilt and accomplishment onto. He's made too young and too helpless to blame yet just principled enough (loyal to fya Na'viyä way) to distract from his privilege as a human among the RDA. In the movie we saw how little it mattered that Spider had a specific place assimilated among the Na'vi, just that he wanted to be Na'vi and was assumingly tolerated by them by walking thru camp and being friends to Jake and Neytiri's kids. In The High Ground, Spider expressed to Neytiri an entitlement to be part of the family (and by extension Omaticaya Na'vi) despite not necessarily being invited to be Na'vi anywhere, as we dont see him go thru any rites of passage adjusted for his humanness and just introduced as someone with a fancy for Na'vi lifestyle (with the unfortunate, and also convenient case that he was the only kid born on Pandora).

Spider retains principle of being loyal to the Na'vi in very little parts of the movie, dressing, moving, and speaking like them, even emulating their skin markings with paint, and of course militantly protecting them when he could in the behinning and very end. Yet it takes this distance between scenes to make his sideplot seem relevant to anything and make his drastic straying frlm principles seem particularly justified, especially his fixation to kame his father despite his associations and actions against him and the Na'vi. As soon as his character and conflicts are introduced, he is made helpless to uphold his principles as a prisoner of war, teaching recoms intricate details of na'vi life and navigation, including speaking the language and the utility of tsaheylu, to preserve himself after a precedent scene of onscreen sacrifice (the brain interrogation torture). It seems easy for Spider to exchange his secrets for preservation and safety against the labcoats and to fufill his personal interest in knowing his father in his new form and this is strangely justified because.... Spider just had to be Quaritch's son, too? And its even easier for Spider to seem principled in his passivity by juxtaposing his simple plea to Quaritch's major damage and affect on years of slaughtering. A wooden "this is wrong" and "I'm sorry" gives certain audiences a sense of relief, a character to ease their guilt onto when a movie metaphorically calls them out too hard. "I'm not as bad as the other guy" when the guys are still in cahoots by the end.

In the comics, Spider is more on principle, but acts very entitled to be part of the Na'vi bc of bis friendship with Jake and Neytiri's kids and his appeal to the Na'vi, despite not having gone thru any rites of passage, not given any special role among the people, and not being entirely accepted. I really didnt like how Spider basically told Neytiri he was part of the family whether she liked it or not and how often Neytiri was set up to look as if she was irrational against Spider for not immediately accepting him and being a liability to their navigation. Its the sort of entitlement privileged ppl have when they think they deserve a place among another group because they oversimplify what being part of that group means in order to enjoy it more readily.

Spider is not played by the most expressive actor nor written in the comics as a likable character. He's easily distrustful to me despite his deliberate age and racial/ethnic position obscuring his role in the films and thus is not interesting to me. But I knew he'd get ppl's attention so much by having interesting commentary about other topics (which rlly should have been introduced in another film rather than jampacked into AWOW lol) obfuscated by his privilege. Its disappointing and gets me a little resentful 💀.

[juicezone]

and for shark ! 7, 11, 14, 15, 20?

(Game here!) (Character here!)

7: do they have a caregiver? are they a caregiver/flip?

I don't think Sharky has a strict caregiver, but they don't get bothered when Vesper's there and includes him when she's caring for Rory, and Sharky doesnt mind being kinda like an older brother to Rory! But it's... kinda more like the "why doesnt the baby wanna play fighting" "well. baby is baby" "okay????" way rather than gentle doting or anything like that

11: do they fall into any 'regressor stereotypes' (baby talk, loving disney movies, liking pastels, etc.), or do they diverge from the 'norm' (liking horror media, regressing to an older age, etc.)?

I would definitely say Sharky is more middle regression than anything smaller- I think maybe around 8-14 kind of range! they're pretty rowdy at times, and Vesper occasionally has to remind them to be gentle. Horror games, video games, rough housing, action movies and explosions - that kind of stuff!

Definitely likes to play water games and chase and terrorize fish in the rivers and stuff, and Shark LOVES playing with like pool toys and diving toys i think

14: what kind of snacks/drinks do they gravitate towards when regressed? do they use a sippy cup or bottle? how about those little divider plates/trays?

Sippy cups are SOMETIMES tolerable it depends on the design. a lot of Rory's are very baby and cutesy though, so Sharky either brings his own or eventually starts leaving some at Rory's place. Robots and dinosaurs and like. video game themed ones but regular (kids) water bottles with straws > sippy cup tops

Every food is a finger food to Sharkey and they shrimply do not care too much for the idea of food being separated, like they're not mashing it together, but they WILL grab a fish stick w the same hand they grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes with

15: what do they wear when they're regressed? do they have specific clothes, or do they just wear whatever is most comfortable? do they have a comfort article of clothing?

Comfortable clothes! pajama pants, worn out hoodies, jeans with holes - BUT it does have to be "cool" so like. t shirt with a kitty and rainbows? NO WAY. t shirt with kitty and like giant robots? WAY COOL

but honestly like, the more casual/comfortable the better. stuff you can run around and play in, and they have a lot of specially designed clothes that are like. designed to be both In Water and Out of water. its my world i can magic the nonsense

20: what is age regression to them? what do they like/dislike? are they proud of their regression, or feel a bit more insecure about it?

I THINK SHARKY'S LORE IS GONNA BE... that they were part of a royal/high end family in the oceans and never got to relax and play around, it was always being proper and behaved and such

so to them it's like.. freedom to do whatever they want whenever they want, and sometimes i think Sharky can be a little bit mean about it without intending to, because he just does not care for responsibilities anymore and is like "i dont have to care about what ANYONE thinks!" and then they say something mean to rory and they're like "uhh. sorry. awkward. didnt mean to..."

but they're very loud and in charge about it, and they do WHATEVER they want and you can either play along or they're like "whatever ill go hang out on my own idc"

[whoneedssexed]

Hi. I need advice. My bf has depression and while it hasn't been terrible while we have been dating , recently he seems more distant and has mentioned he feels stuck in life, he's constantly unsure now which is very not him and keeps quiet and says "I dont know" alot. We and his friends think his depression is slowly coming back, because obviously it doesn't go away. I dont know how to help, because I do feel like its putting a strain on our relationship, we're currently doing long distance due to work so we arnt able to have our similar routine. His communication skills are not the best, we have small arguments frequently mainly due to his lack of interest on the conversation or his small outbursts. Which at the time I didnt put two and two together but now it kinda make sense. I feel like he has become distant and dont seem engaged at all when we have little time to talk. While I feel for him, im getting frustrated because our fight seem to be the same pattern, of him not being able to communicate properly. I've expressed this before as this is all we have at the moment and he seems to understand but doesn't seem to make much effort of trying. I do think the distance has affected this and he doesn't seem to realize, he a very actions person and he has expressed that he feels useless bc he can't do much for me while I'm away. Were so well together in person but lately we seem like a completely different couple . I'm not sure what to do, I think I want to give him some space , which makes me a bit sad bc we hardly have much time to chat. I ask him if he needs alone time ,etc but he can't seem to answer me with a direct answer. During our relationship his depression hasn't been bad , its been maybe mild but nothing to this effect, it's never caused a shift in our relationship but this time it feels different. So im.not sure how to go about this. Any advice would help, I do love him and want our relationship to grow but the past couple of months it seems more draining and mentally exhausting.

I know this is a very, very late response, but when things get like this for depressed people, it can be a red flag for potential suicidal ideation.

That said, being depressed can also cause a lot of brain fog, which makes people indecisive, dissociative, unable to think to the future, etc. This happens because of how exhausting and draining depression can be, especially in a world that demands you always be doing something, anything, at every moment. People with depression are extremely susceptible to burnout.

He could need a change in medication/treatment, or a change in environment, or a change in his support systems. Or sometimes, it's just a temporary rut in life. Doing more positive and/or relaxing things can also help, such as colouring in books, going to a movie, starting a new series, visiting an animal sanctuary, going on a hike, going to an amusement park, etc. Things that don't require a lot of effort and can be simply enjoyed, depending on social tolerances (ex: a museum could be a bad idea because there's too many people and it overwhelms).

There's also the fact that the strain on your relationship could be the cause of the depression and not the other way around. Which is to say, because you guys aren't in your usual routines and aren't able to experience each other often, his depression is returning. A lot of depressed people rely on routine and partner support to supplement their treatments. Breaking routine in particular can leave someone feeling lost, hopeless, confused, stuck, and so on. Plenty of people need routine to feel purpose and direction in their lives.

Depression can cause more arguing because it can deplete one's ability to tolerate others. Again, this is because of how draining depression is, which leaves someone with significantly less spoons and overwhelmed easily. Shutting down is a natural defense mechanism and presents itself as aloofness, sudden bouts of anger, disinterest in anything, inability to conversate, and so on. There can be different ways to treat these individual symptoms which can improve the overall depression.

If he seems to struggle still with communication or explaining what he wants and thinks, have him start keeping a journal or notebook where he writes everything he is feeling, or even draws pictures. Have him jot down any time his mood dips and what happened at the time it did, and maybe he can find triggers for what's going on with him.

But, it is fair to be frustrated. You have your own feelings and likely own problems as well and for the support YOU needed to be taken away is absolutely a frustrating thing. It's a good idea for you to find other support in this trying time to maybe take the pressure off of him.

If you haven't already, I would communicate to him exactly how you're feeling, and that you want to help but you don't know what to do. Ask him what he needs most right now - a distraction? a discussion? a solution? - and follow through. If he can't decide about it, emphasize you're there for when he knows. Additionally, explain to him that there's always gonna be sometimes when you two can't be in person and that he can't fix everything every time, and that you don't expect him to.

Here are some resources for both of you:

Getting Out of a Funk: How to Help Yourself Through Depression

Tips for managing depression in relationships

Babylon: How Depression Can Affect Relationships

Self-care Wellness Toolkit

Worksheet for depression coping skills

How to talk to someone who has depression

How and Why to Practice Self-Care

How can I communicate with someone with depression?

Depression in relationships

How to Tell Someone You're Depressed

Helping Someone with Depression

The Impact Your Mental Health Can Have on Communication

PsychCentral: 10 Self Care Tips for When You Have Depression

Anna Freud: Self Care

What Not to Say or Do to Someone Who Has Depression

Coping with Depression

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Depression

How Depression Affects My Ability to Communicate

Psychology Today: Why Self Care is Hard for Depressed Individuals

The Royal Australian & New Zealand College of Psychiatrists: Self-care for depression

6 Powerful and Effective Ways to Communicate Better in Relationships

5 Signs that Depression is Eroding Your Relationship

How to Talk about Depression with Family and Friends

Tips On Communicating With Those Who Have Depression

6 Dos and Don'ts for Supporting Someone Who Has Depression

22 Ways to Cope with Your Depression

NIH: Caring For Your Mental Health

Depression Self Help Guide

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques to Help with Depression Symptoms

Healthy Coping Skills for Depression, Anxiety, and Anger

Clear Minds Center: Tips for Communicating with Someone Who is Depressed

How Depression Effects Relationships and What You Can Do

What to Know About Dating Someone With Depression

Relationships and Communication

How to use mindfulness for depression

Depression in Relationships: When to Say Goodbye

-Mod BP

[nani-nonny]

Okay I HATE HOW WHEN AM DONE READING A CHAPTER OF YOURS AND WANNA KUDO IT, IT SAYS THAT I ALREADY DID, YPU DON'T UNDERSTAND I WANT AND NEED TO KUDO MORE OF YOUR WORK!!!

Ch 17 was oh my god *chef kiss* i would kiss this chapter if it was a book!

The first Paragraph was a great info and i love; of course when leo wants to be alone he would go places he knows his family can't find him and the older he gets he not only can hide better BUT HE KNOWS OTHER PEOPLE'S HIDING SPOTS!! Like imagine; an young adult with some problems was in an area but vanished - let's say park - leo can think of where this young adult can hide!!✨✨

But all of this hard thinking wasn't needed as leo was behind a couch - big bruh - and he joined the train but very late on " i want to spend my time with big blue as my father figure " is both awe and funny.

A soap opera marathon is something i think good because i don't know much about soap opera but it's hella long and above that Spanish?! Yeah that would be difficult for me buddy.

April pointing out that big blue is like Jupiter jim is so beautiful - despite the fact that i HATE HIM - but still adorable, and he offered to take blue to see his older brothers and sister!! That's a great treat, now i wonder if other siblings can see the older ver of them or not somehow, someway...

BAM! Little blue enters the big blue core chat and meet his older siblings, seeing older April is THE BEST because god we need more big sis April!! Then mikey pull him like how a puppeteer catch a puppet and PULL his shell into the group pile LOL. (It would be funny imagine how the little turtles fight older mikey and he just tie them around chains and just throw them left and right XD)

Then here comes big raph AND HE'S BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF!! Awwwww seeing how baby blue go and try to hug him 🥺🥺🥺

Then comes Donnie... Oh Donnie the " not nice and more mean Donnie " LOL

He just picked him up, dropped few words before " okay am done with him " LMFAOO and mikey calling him " rude goods " XD

And the adusity of playing volleyball while big blue is SLEEPING!! Ahahaha it's like some loading screen or when you wait in elevator to reach your floor, and mikey just turned leo's core into sims 4 XDDD

I can't wait to see leo's react from " you're the turtle's dad now!! " more then anything!!✨✨✨✨

aksjakshak it’s fine just one kudo is more than enough :))))))

vvvvvv

Leo being an unpredictable person in his family and able to predict what said family are doing down to a T really gets my brain going. It’s such an interesting concept that is so bittersweet in context.

You can’t leave little blue out of the peepaw itinerary lolll he’s the first of the brothers to witness the peepaw in action

The soap opera marathon will definitely be a doozy for me to write… if I planned to write it out but I won’t. Mainly to save time so that we dont get lost in the story and dive into the marathon with them (/j) but because it’ll be a pain in the ass to write. It’ll just be a time skip to the aftermath where they’ve accumulated weeks of stank /hj

April mentioning Little Blue’s childlike wonder to how he viewed Jupiter Jim made my heart warm :) and of course she doesn’t mean the way Jupiter Jim had treated them irl but to the excitement of their eyes locked on the screen watching all Jupiter Jim movies

(And we’ll have to see what happens in the future of this story in terms of the past turtles meeting the future turtles)

Raphael being the biggest, warmest, cuddliest teddy bear and so full of love but then there’s Donatello and Michelangelo being the “uncle figure that have a favorite and that one child is not the favorite” /j and really harnessing that “I will tolerate you for this amount of time but if you exceed that time then you can only blame yourself” /j

The future turtles playing volleyball makes me laugh a little too much because they have to do something while Leonardo is sleeping.

We’ll have to see where we go from here on hahah! Thank you for reading <3333

[imsoglitter]

Hi kate! Idk if you’ll see this or answer but I wanted to send bc I’ve been following u for awhile and see u as sort of a big sibling/mentor that reminds me that it gets better and one day everything will be okay :’) do u have advice on how to move on? I’m femme and had my first ever kinda relationship w a butch and it was nice but they abandoned me on my bday celebration after blowing up on me saying that I was too high maintenance, materialistic, sparkly, and pink and my emotions were “too much to process” and “my presence was unhealthy” 6 months later they’re engaged to another femme who is more slow living and earthy. sucked a lot bc from day 1 they said I WASNT too much and that they would never leave. Idk I’m not sad I dont wish I was the soon wife but I’m convinced now that I’ll never find anyone bc all butches/mascs at the end of the day want that & I’ll be alone 4evr. I noticed all of my butch/femm couple friends are kinda same the same (earthy, natural, no glitz or glamour, etc). Feeling v high femme camp antics essay rn and having trouble coping. I tried changing my aesthetic and being minimalist but it put in deep depression so idk what to do. I’m unlikeable to all the ppl I’m attracted to but fitting in to be likable makes me want to kms. Any thoughts or ideas?? Hope this doesn’t come off as trauma dumping 😖

Hi anon! I don't know if I'm the right person to answer this bc I'm definitely a lazy femme who doesn't have the energy to be high femme, and the advice I'm going to give you is something you've probably heard a million times before.

If someone dislikes you enough to dump you on your birthday, you are better off without them. This goes for any other special occasion as well. The first time I got dumped, they very politely waited until I got back from a special trip I was on so it wouldn't be ruined, and I'm really glad for that. It made everything amicable and we're still penpals to this day. It sounds like your ex was bad at communicating the problems they were having in the relationship, given the blowup, and reacted pretty immaturely tbh. That's not the kind of person you want to spend your life with. (I'm also very wary of people who get married after less than a year of knowing each other, but that's a separate issue)

Honestly the best advice I can give you, and you're probably going to hate this, is take a break from looking for a sexual/romantic relationship. Focus on the other relationships in your life, whether they're with friends or family or even coworkers. And spend time with yourself. Definitely don't change everything about yourself to be with someone because you're going to have to live with yourself your whole life. The most important person to like you is going to be yourself. If you want to change think about expanding rather than dumping everything and picking something new.

And on the topic of finding someone who will love you the way you are, your best goal is to be patient, and to take action when you feel ready. Don't settle with someone who tolerates you or you'll end up like my parents (bad). And if you feel like there's potential, don't be afraid to make the first move. Pining is fun until it's not anymore so it's better to skip that part sometimes lol

Practical speaking here's my advice:

Delete your dating apps for a while

Get yourself a vibrator

Go to the movies by yourself

Pick up a new physical hobby like gardening or woodworking or cooking, something you can touch

If you hate your new hobby drop it and try something else

Try a new restaurant you've never been to before

Go for a walk/sit in a park weather permitting and birdwatch

And if you're seriously suicidal, take inventory of yourself and see if you can come up with a plan to avoid that headspace. Therapy and meds helped for me, but the main thing was moving out of a toxic environment. Plus I'm not stupid enough to pretend that therapy fixes everything all the time

I guess I'm saying you should date yourself, but trying to not make it sound super corny lol. I hope this helps and I hope you can figure out how to get out of your rut. I'm rooting for you!

[away-ward]

might be an unpopular opinion

kill switch was the most boring book i have ever read. it took me nearly 4 weeks to finish and i went through with it only because i usually dont dnf but i was tempted to. winter was boring so was damon. the Damon we saw in the first two books was the not the Damon in kill switch. i didn't like him corrupt, tolerated him in hideaway because of his past but i HATED kill switch damon. he took himself too seriously. he was basically a 25 or smthg year old rich privileged prick who thought everyone feared him. but he was such a dummy. all that build-up in the first two books by the author for this guy. seriously he was all talk no action. they should have made someone else the villain in hideaway. the no of times i rolled my eyes during kill switch while he was interacting with erika was more than i did during corrupt and thats saying something because the MCs in corrupt were erika and michael. if anyone says you are more boring than erika and michael then you should just die in my opinion. and winter was just not it. her monologue was just bland and it is not because she is blind. she was like erika 2.0. "oh danger turns me on. i like sex but i am not a slut. i want to look down on the world. Damon is rude to me but that makes me feel alive... blah blah and blah". it was just a rinse and repeat of the first book, and that almost threesome was my snapping point. it is a pattern with Penelope's books. and they just want their favorite characters to be the center of attention everywhere. it happened with Tatum in Fall Away series and with Erika in Devil's Night. it should be noted that both are blonde-haired and blue-eyed females who crave adventure, are soft, nice to everybody and everybody wants them. and so is winter and guess what she falls under the above pattern too. and these characters get more screen time in other's books more than the MCs as well. the whole series revolves around them. the author is projecting so hard and they are not even trying to be discreet. honestly this series will be so much better if we get some time with the ACTUAL interesting characters instead of the author's favourite.

Ohhh a KS rant. It's been awhile.

unpopular opinion kill switch was the most boring book i have ever read.

Um. Maybe unpopular elsewhere, but I wouldn’t disagree. It might have been the hardest book for me to get through too. I didn’t like Kai in HA, but Banks didn’t annoy me as much as Winter. And Damon wasn’t as unhinged as I expected, so it was a bit of a slog to push through for me.

 He was basically a 25 or smthg year old rich privileged prick who thought everyone feared him. But he was such a dummy. All that build-up in the first two books by the author for this guy. Seriously he was all talk no action

Going off of this, I was thinking about the rescue scene in NF and how… unbelievable it is. Kind of like when a movie franchise starts off somewhat realistic and then somewhere along the way we end up with cars in space (looking at you, F&F)?

Corrupt shows up young adults using their wealth and influence to torment each other and NF ends with them breaking a friend out of a secret prison and taking over their city. I mean, it’s not totally egregious, but if they had been actual criminals who did actual heists and stuff in the past books, that level of competency would be a little more in line with the story. But maybe that’s just my unpopular opinion.

she was like erika 2.0. "oh danger turns me on. i like sex but i am not a slut. i want to look down on the world. Damon is rude to me but that makes me feel alive... blah blah and blah". it was just a rinse and repeat of the first book,

Yeah, I noticed that. The blondes are soft and nice, with a side of craving danger, and the brunettes are snarky and sarcastic with a side of trauma. It seems to be a character mold that PD likes the most.

honestly this series will be so much better if we get some time with the ACTUAL interesting characters instead of the author's favourite.

I agree. But I guess that’s what HC and fan content is for. For me, I respect canon to a certain point and try to use canon to build on and further my own ideas, but I don’t have to live and die by the author’s words. I don’t have to care about the author at all.

I guess we should just be happy PD hasn’t tried to pull an Ann Rice. I think that would be the final straw for me.

But as for KS being boring, I don’t think you’ll find it’s so unpopular in this corner of the fandom. You might have found your fandom friends here.

Thanks for the message! Take care until next time.

-KO

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Let's Talk About That Black Butler Live Action Movie That Came Out In 2014

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/147Tq36dpUkPMP6KFBuK4B4R4skpA3Msx

I recently watched the Black Butler live action movie and then I spent 4 days making an english subtitle file for the german dub (which is you can both download from the drive I made) so I made a lot of…. Observations about it that I would like to share.

Before that, Id like to apologize for any mistakes I made in my translation and Im sorry, but I will not be correcting them because Im never watching this stupid movie again. Its bad. Its a fun bad, but if youre like me and you like translating stuff and you wanna make subtitles for a movie please for the love of god pick a movie thats like, good or atleast tolerable to watch more than once in one week.

I'm gonna start off with some non-spoilery stuff and then I'll break down the entire movie in excruciating detail under the cut because there is A Lot. Like with basically all of my long posts, sorry if this gets rambly

The movie takes place in modern times, rather than the 19th century. In fact, the times are so modern that this movie takes place in 2021 even though it came out in 2014. We follow some guy whose name I somehow keep forgetting even after making those subtitle files, it mightve been Kyoharu?? His last name is Genpo and I remember his deadname being Shiori bc thats what all the summaries insist on calling him. Im just gonna call him not!Ciel for simplicities sake. The Genpos are descendants of the Phantomhives, who decided to settle in Japan (or 'The East') at some indeterminate point in the past and are now working as watchdogs for the Queen of Japan (or 'The East') rather than the Queen of England (or 'The West'). Not!Ciel is 17 and his backstory is basically his Book Of Circus anime backstory of him watching his parents get shot in their own manor, minus the human trafficking and the nonce who had a weird obsession with him. He made a contract with Sebastian, who is still more or less the same, shortly after his parents got shot and has just kinda been doing his thing for the past like, 10 years, being the Watchdog, running his company with the help of his aunt.

The actual plot of the movie kicks off when not!Ciel receives an order from the Queen to investigate the 'Devil's Curse', a series of deaths where the victims were "mummified" alive (their bodies started rotting while they were still fully alive and stopped functioning after less than an hour, idk why they say they were mummified). Then the rest of the movie is essentially just that investigation and then they stop a terrorist attack at the very end

Before I talk about my actual thoughts on the way this plot was executed, I want to talk a bit about anime adaptations in general, so Im going to go on a small tangent about the Death Note Adaptations since I watched the 2017 Netflix movie and the two Nippon Television movies from the 2000s for the sake of comparing them to this one.

The Netflix movie is bad, we all know its bad, I dont need to tell you that its bad. And like, there are a lot of things that make it bad, but if you asked me to describe why its that bad in one sentence it would be: The writers had bad ideas that wouldnt make for a particularly good adaptation to begin with and then also executed them poorly. If you then asked me about any other issues, Id say that the writers clearly just, didnt understand the source material and what makes it good.

I would describe the Nippon Television movies as the opposite of that: the writers thought of good ways to streamline the story into something more fitting for two 2-hour movies and then executed those pretty well.

The Black Butler movie is kind of a weird middle ground between those two while still being about as bad as the Netflix movie. Like, its clear to me that the filmmakers understood a lot of what makes the anime and manga good but then they still made all of these weird, baffling changes for no reason?? And also, basically none of them were well executed. 

(Also, idk where to put this but Light's girlfriend's name from the movie is Shiori, which is also not!Ciel's deadname, I thought that was a weird coincidence)

I'll talk about that in more detail when I get into spoilers and stuff though, for now I'd like to talk about the other more 'superficial' non-story stuff (which is also most of what I genuinely liked lol)

The acting is uhhhhhh weird. I will say that Im really bad at judging performances like this and Ive also only watched the german dub (and german dubs of Live Action Stuff tend to have kind of a weird uncanny fake feel to them because its incredibly clear that the words arent coming out of the actors mouths), but it doesnt seem great. I couldnt help but feel like the german VAs were actually doing a better job than the japanese actors at times. Like, it felt like the actual acting was kinda stiff (particularly for not!Ciel and Sebastian, although I have some other issues with his actor as well) but the german voice acting is very idk, emotional?? I have no idea how to describe it properly but it feels like the VAs were putting more emotions into it than the actors, again, particularly not!Ciel and Sebastian. The only actress that I didnt notice having this issue was the one playing not!Ciels aunt (whos basically like the budget version of Madame Red), although she was still unfortunately plagued by all the German Dub Issues, so yea

The biggest saving grace in all of this is Bernhard Völger, who voices Sebastian. He gives the exact same performance here as he does in the anime, which means that I like it so much that I actually thought "hm, this movie wouldnt have been so bad if they just animated it" when I first watched it. Basically my only complaint is that Im pretty sure he never says "Jawohl, mein junger Herr" which is ESSENTIAL. Like, idk about other dubs, but imagine Sebastian never going "Yes, Mylord" in a BLACK BUTLER ADAPTATION. disgraceful

Anyway, while I really enjoyed Sebastians voice, the same cannot be said for the actor. Honestly, I couldnt even tell you if the actual acting is that good or that bad because I just hated looking at the actors face. I dont even know why, its not like hes ugly or anything, but theres something wrong with it. its like if Tommy Wiseau was conventionally attractive. His mannerisms were fine i guess?? Idk, I was doing my best not to look at the movie anytime he was onscreen. Also, why is his hair like that?? Nothing more to say, I just hate it. I also dont like his eyes, they look weird and wrong. Its pretty obvious to me that they didnt use a lot of CGI for this movie (which I actually like, the practical effects were pretty good for the most part, although its clear that they didnt have the biggest budget), so they just had him wear contacts but. they really shouldve touched them up in post, because they look more brown than red, even in close ups n shit. Which wouldve been fine I guess, but its like, a weird, fucked up and evil brown that Ive never seen as an eye color and it just makes him look so much more uncanny. I suppose thats kinda fitting for a demon, but its still really ugly to look at.

Speaking of eyes, while I liked the effects for the most part, not!Ciels Contract Seal Eye was really underwhelming. Like, I get that they couldnt have made it as striking as in the manga/anime bc Actual Human Eyes dont take up a third of the average human face, but. its literally just blue. You can kinda see the contract seal during close ups, but its so faint and its so lame and disappointing and I hate it. They shouldve straight up made it purple, maybe make it glow too, idk man anything to make it look magical/demonic/whatever

Also, this is such an insanely minor thing, but I HATE how they didnt use the anime music for the opening and ending credits. I get it, Monochrome no Kiss is too upbeat for this Gritty Live Action Not-An-Anime-Black-Comedy Shit™, but if theres one thing Ive learned from listening to Youtube Fancovers, its that any song can sound Moody and Dark if you make it a Piano Cover, so yeah. And there was LITERALLY no reason for them to not use Lacrimosa for the ending like cmon. Instead all we got was this stupid generic love song about kissing at twilight or some shit idk man (I mean, I guess thats atleast fitting but man-) 

That being said, I did enjoy the score. I dont usually pay attention to the music in movies, but I kinda did here and Im glad to say that its bc it was good. One moment that particularly stood out to me was this small bit right before the climax kicks in where they have this fancy violin music mixed with this electric synth-kinda music and its just so good, it feels like thats the exact vibe they wanted to have for this adaptation and they just. couldnt capture it. But atleast the music is good, so whatever ig

Thats basically all of the non-spoilery stuff, if theres anything else I'll talk about it during my extensive breakdown of this movie now anyway, so yeah. What Im gonna do now is watch the movie again to check over my subtitles and then describe what happens to you and also write all of my thoughts down here, kinda like a liveblog but more detailed and (hopefully) more coherent. Let us begin.

After the logos, we're starting off strong with some good old White Text On Black Screen Exposition. The first sentence of the movie is "The world was divided into West and East" which is. more funny to me than it should be. Okay so, they do a really bad job at actually explaining this and I had to figure this out via a summary that I randomly stumbled upon when I downloaded this movie, but this movie takes place in 2021 in some kind of alternate universe where, instead of like, the individual continents (and countries? questionmark?) we have in the modern day we have like, the Western Coalition (which is led by a Queen) and the Eastern Coalition (which is led by a different Queen). So thats what theyre talking about here

As we continue with our Black Screen Exposition, they attempt to explain what I just explained, but they never ever specify that this movie takes place in The Modern Day first, so while it makes some sense upon rewatch, its really weird and confusing when youre watching it for the first time. Like, the first movie summary I found did not mention the fact that it would be set in 2020, so I naturally assumed that it would take place in Victorian Times, so when they explain that the Western Nations are led by a queen and that the Eastern Nations are their opposition, I was just kinda like, "Ah yes, we got typical Victorian Era xenophobia/orientalism bullshit right out of the gate, nothing out of the ordinary here", yknow? I was sitting there, thinking "why are these jokers explaining real life political tensions to me like theyre made up fantasy worldbuilding"

Then they explain what the Queen's Watchdogs are and what they do and its like, whatever. I dont like the definition they give here, but Im not gonna into everything that bothers me, otherwise we'll end up with a 100k words long post. Not that it matters, bc not!Ciel basically does the same shit OG!Ciel does anyway: every once in a while, he gets a letter from the Queen thats like "Boy, theres some weird shit going on. Investigate" and then he investigates the weird shit (with his demon ofc)

We fade to a random car radio telling us about how another mummified body has been found in the commercial district. I kinda already talked about how I dont like that they call those "mummified bodies" or "mummies" because Im pretty sure thats not, what mummies are?? But that might just be a german dub thing, so whatever. We also find out that Western Governments have offered their support for investigating these weird deaths, while the Ministry of State Security has yet to make any kind of statement.

Then we start zooming out of the car until we can see a big metropolis in the background and then some text saying "An Eastern Nation" fades in and its so funny. Like, even when you know the weird worldbuilding of this movie, it feels like theyre just being vague for no fucking reason. Its like they made this whole ass movie and then just as they were about to release it some producer stormed in like "NO. GET RID OF ALL THE REFERENCES TO ACTUAL COUNTRIES WE CANT LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS TAKES PLACE IN JAPAN (even though it very obviously takes place in japan)"

Anyway, cut to a dark and rainy street where someone almost gets hit by a car. The guy who almost got hit decides to idk, check on the person inside?? Maybe chastise them?? Either way, it turns out that *gasp* a 'mummy' was driving that car?!!?!? After that little jumpscare, we get to see inside the car and watch a guy's flesh rotting while hes still alive and screaming in terror. We cut to a card on a bloody handkerchief with a spooky image of the devil and a pentagram on it. The screen turns gray scale and white text informs us that the Queen is ordering "someone" to investigate the Strange Mummification Serial Murders.

Smash Cut to the inside of a sketchy warehouse where a bunch of grown men are stuffing a bunch of girls into crates. This is where we meet our boy not!Ciel (whose actual name is Kiyoharu, but its not like that matters), who informs us that those guys cant be human traffickers bc theyre handling their "goods" to roughly and wonders what they need the girls for then via voice over. Not that he'd know that much about this kinda stuff, since they decided not to make human trafficking part of his backstory for some reason.

Hes currently disguised as a girl, but the audience doesnt know that yet and we also dont know his name and also all the summaries call him Shiori and. I'll address the thing with not!Ciel's gender in more detail later, for now I'll just say hes a trans guy and leave it at that

Anyway, the ring leader comes up to him and slaps him around a bit, before asking him who he is and how he managed to get his hands on some incriminating photos. Not!Ciel points out that all the people who turned into mummies were in contact with this guy and asks him about an envelope that appears in all of the pictures. The mafia-esque ring leader guy kicks him in the face instead of answering because of course. Cut to the outside of the warehouse where we get to see a ~Menacing Shadowey Man~ approaching. Its ya boi, Sebastian, entering with Ominous Booming Footsteps babeyyyyyyy

Sebastian introduces himself as belonging to the House of Genpo, our bargain bin Phantomhives for this movie, and we get a really awful close-up of his horrible uncanny brownish eyes before dramatically pulling a butterknife out of his tailcoat. The mafia goons dont know that theyre in a Black Butler movie so, of course, they laugh at him bc this is absolutely hilarious (and its not even the funniest part of this!). 

When one of them pulls a gun at him and just kinda stands there instead of shooting him right away, not!Ciel orders him to kill them. We zoom in on Sebastian's face while he says "Sehr wohl" ["Very well"] and NOT "Jawohl, mein junger Herr" ["Yes, my Young Master"] and i swear to fucking god the fact that he never says it is gonna drive me insane literally why would you bring Bernhard Völger into this if he wasn't gonna sAY IT

Anyway, cue the Action Scene. There are a couple of those in this movie and theyre pretty Sebastian-heavy, so I did my best to not look at the screen which means that I can't actually say much about them. I can tell you that this first one where he kills all these goons with his little knife is absolutely hilarious to me for some reason (probably bc of the actors face, sorry that I keep pointing it out).

The whole thing ends with him doing some bullshit that makes some explosives go off and set the warehouse on fire but not actually damage it.

Obviously the ring leader guy starts freaking tf out and yelling at Sebastian who taunts him for a bit. yknow how it goes, the guy threatens to shoot not!Ciel, Sebastian drops his butter knife and then promptly gets shot himself. Uh oh.

Not!Ciel makes a comment about how he calls Sebastian like a dog which is. okay, so, its heavily implied that the actual Ciel Phantomhive still existed in this timeline AND that Sebastian was still his butler. Does not!Ciel have the same dead-dog-he-named-his-demon-butler-after-thing?? Did he just say that to seem edgy and cool?? Who knows idk why this stuck out to me like this

Moving on, the ring leader guy takes not!Ciel's eyepatch off, talks about how he'll sell him at a high price and asks him about the incriminating pictures again. Not!Ciel, who has been completely unfazed all this time btw, ignores him and calls out to Sebastian. Sebastian lets the guy threaten not!Ciel one more time before rising up from the ground and coughing up the bullet along with some blood, like some fucked up hairball. 

At this point, I'd like to mention that I appreciate the fact that Sebastian can still bleed bc I feel like supernatural hot guys just dont, do that nowadays?? Do you know what I mean?? Like, maybe I just need to consume better and more diverse media lol but I feel like a lot of these Hot Guy But He's Actually Some Fucked Up But Still Hot (And Humanoid) Creature are just. fully invincible now (which is something I 100% blame on Twilight btw). And its so frustrating bc its like, WHAT. IS THE POINT. OF HAVING AN IMMORTAL HOT GUY BE TOTALLY DEVOTED TO ME. IF HE CANT EVEN BLEED FOR ME

Anyway, I just went on a long ass tangent, lets move on.

The mafia guy starts freaking out bc why wouldnt he, while Sebastian and not!Ciel start bickering in the foreground. 

Sebastian's all like "Oh~ it appears that the coat my young master provided has gotten…. dirty" and not!Ciel goes "Yea, cuz you keep fucking around you stupid idiot" wonderful. Also, Sebastian Fucking Around is gonna be kind of A Thing in this movie and its gonna stress me tf out. I mean, yeah, Sebastian fucks around plenty in the manga as well but. Idk it just stresses me out when he does it here for some reason?? Or, well, this particular scene actually didnt stress me out at all when I watched it the first time, but it does upon rewatches, this shit makes me lose my mind. I think it might be bc I have a decent grasp and Ciel and Sebastian's relationship in the manga and I know that Sebastian… well, idk if he cares about Ciel, but he's gonna do his best to not let him get seriously injured. 

But I have to watch this fhvking scene here fully knowing that later on, not!Ciel is gonna get shot and this joker is gonna do FUCK ALL about it, like, ATLEAST TRY AND STOP THE BLEEDING YOU ASSHOLE and. oh god. And then not!Ciel will order Sebastian to kill the person who shot him, but she has this body guard guy who stops him somehow so then Sebastian fights this random ass guy instead of just. following his orders and barely even pays attention to not!Ciel while his life is STILL IN DANGER only to then demonstrate, that its actually incredibly easy for him to just kill the bodyguard guy, like. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THAT

Ugh. But we'll get there when we get there. Before we move on, I did want to say that I do kinda enjoy Sebastian being a little shit in this. Like, I dont give a fuck about not!Ciel, hes lame and stupid, so Sebastian doing shit like this is pretty funny to me when its not, yknow, making my blood pressure spike

Anyway, Sebastian responds to not!Ciel being like "yea cuz you keep fucking around, stupid" by saying "I did what was necessary. Just as you have ordered me to."

This is actually a very subtle setup to some stuff thats gonna be important later. Its stupid bullshit, but I do appreciate the fact that they have the decency to atleast have a setup and a payoff for their stupid bullshit, yknow

Mafia Guy tries to shoot Sebastian who just kinda shrugs it off in favor of telling not!Ciel that he "took pleasure in watching him for a while" and that seeing him being "pitiful and unbearable" while being all tied up is wonderful and that "being so fragile and helpless suits him excellently". Idk if I mentioned this already, but not!Ciel is 17 which makes it. slightly less bad than it could be.

Not!Ciel calls him a cretin, which is already funny in concept, and the fact that its german and he pronounces it kinda like 'crouton' makes it even more funny.

The guy stops trying to shoot Sebastian, who's been slowly menacingly walking towards him btw, since Thats Not Working At All and threatens to shoot not!Ciel again instead. 

Sebastian's smiling like a little shit, asking not!Ciel like "Well :) What do you want me to do >:)", whos not having any of it because these restraints hurt, dammit! but Sebastian just keeps going like "Well :) If I come any closer this guy will kill you >:) Young Master <3" like. ughhhhhhhh Im gonna lose my fucking patience with this guy. Not!Ciel calls him a bastard and accuses him of going against their contract and then Sebastian explains the terms of their contract to the audience with the most shit-eating grin while the mafia guy is just losing his mind in the background and theyre just completely ignoring him.

We also get some stuff about how Sebastian cant eat his soul if he dies in some other way, meaning, if Sebastian isnt the one to kill him, hes just gonna die normally and Sebastian is just gonna. not have something to eat ig. This is kinda gonna be semi-important later and I forgot if this was A Thing in the manga, so Im pointing it out.

Not!Ciel loses the last of his patience and starts getting louder and Sebastian just interrupts him by going "Young Master. … You know exactly.. which words you should use" and. its kinda hard to describe what the vibe is, but if you watch you'll probably see why I thought this was worth mentioning (didnt I say I wasnt gonna get into that much detail earlier-)

Anyway, not!Ciel orders him to save him, we get another awful close up of Sebastian's fucked up eyes, Mafia Guy tries to shoot not!Ciel but Sebastian catches the bullet (?), twists his arm and takes the gun away from him. 

The guy offers to pay him ten times as much as not!Ciel, to which Sebastian is all like "Ah, but Ive no interest in these trivial huuuuuuuman things, for I am simply One Hell Of A Butler™"

Not!Ciel asks him about the envelopes again while Sebastian threatens him with a gun. He doesnt answer and just tells them that they'll go to hell very soon, like ohohohoohohooh how ironic…….. I suppose. 

So yeah, he gets shot dead and not!Ciel goes all emo on us for a moment like "Ive already seen hell". 

Throughout all of this you could kinda see these other girls who've also been kidnapped (and who witnessed all of that shit) in the background, occasionally reacting to stuff. One of them inexplicably has this cross and starts praying bc thats what ya do ig and not!Ciel just goes from Emo to Edgy Atheist in like 5 seconds and tells her that there is no god, that praying won't help her bc no one is coming to save her

Sebastian and not!Ciel go to leave but before that, we get some really baffling, hard-to-describe editing as not!Ciel takes off the wig he's been wearing. 

They walk out of the building, which has been on fire this whole time in case you forgot, like the Cool Guys they are. Cut to the… Opening Credits?? Idk what you would call this Sequence exactly but whatever

We get some weird, but kinda neat visuals here, interspersed with these little flashbacks of not!Ciel's traumatic past that will get elaborated upon later. Also, Sebastian is wearing like, a black robe in this?? Presumably to represent his demonic form, kinda like they did it in the musicals ig but. this is a movie. They don't have the limitations of a stage production, even if their budget isnt that great, they could've just shown little glimpses of his demonic form like in the manga. Yknow, his eyes w/ the slit pupils, his claws, his…. high heels. One of my favorite little moments/panels was during the whole Manor Murder Arc when theyre searching Sebastian's room and Ciel explains that he doesnt ask about his past and he doesn't care, bc he wouldve taken anyone willing to work for him at the time, and they show Sebastian wiping away one of Ciel's tears and/or putting the contract seal in his eye with one of his fucked up little claws, like !! they should've done that!! But whatever,

Anyway, the title screen rolls and then we cut to not!Ciel waking up from what is presumably a nightmare. Then we get some exposition via Sebastian Voiceover, while we get some establishing shots of the manor and him walking around. He interacts with Rin, our bargain bin Mey-Rin, and mentally roasts her for a bit. Tanaka is also there and Sebastian introduces him by saying smth like "This is Tanaka, the steward. There is lemonade in his tea cup." ???? nothing else to say really Im just confused

ALSO Bard and Finnian arent there :( disgraceful.

Moving on from that, we cut to Sebastian helping not!Ciel with his morning routine n all that shit. This is where we find out that his name is Kiyoharu, not that it matters, that he runs the Funtom Company, that he's a Watchdog of the Queen and that he's 17. 

We also get to see that scar on his back from when he was…. not human trafficked, bc that doesnt seem to be part of his backstory. I guess he just got branded by the people who shot his parents for no reason?? Idk they wouldve probably expanded on this in a sequel, but we dont have a sequel, so. yea

I also wanted to mention that not!Ciel appears to bind his chest using bandages, which Ive heard is a really unsafe way to bind, but that's honestly the least of his problems. 

While not!Ciel is getting ready, Sebastian asks him if he had a nightmare, he goes "Yeah, same one as always, whatever". There's a small pause before Sebastian says "Man, wouldnt it be nice if I could stay by your side in your dreams as well" and not!Ciel just goes "Nah, then I'd have to see ur stupid face in my dreams too lol". Sebastian like, leans in?? squints?? Idk what he's doing, but he calls not!Ciel a little wretch under his breath, which is kinda funny.

He distracts him by expositing some more. Sebastian basically just clarifies that thing they talked about earlier, about how he wont get to eat not!Ciel's soul if he dies 'prematurely'. However, that "rule" doesnt apply if he decides to kill himself out of his own volition, in which case he would get his soul anyway. He LITERALLY tells him "If you want to commit suicide, be my guest". wonderful

Not!Ciel assures him that he won't die as long as he hasnt reached his goal while putting on an eyepatch thats wayyyyyy too small imo. 

Cut to not!Ciel playing chess with some guy in a garden. That guy is the secretary directly subordinate to the Queen and also our bargain bin Charles Grey, Charles B. Sato. They talk about the Devil's Curse, which what they call those mysterious mummification murders and we find out that eight people, all diplomats, have died so far and that the most recent victim was an ambassador called Anthony Campelle. In case you couldnt tell from the fact that people call it the Devil's Curse, people think its a devil's curse, so a bunch of important people from all over the world are gonna attend a big christian purification ceremony to… idk, prevent more murders?? protect themselves?? This is an important plot point and I think it works well enough as a Thing in a Black Butler story, but it feels so out of place in the modern day, like they originally had this movie taking place in victorian times but then changed their minds and never bothered to change this plot point.

In any case, he tells not!Ciel that the Queen wants the matter settled as quickly as possible before we cut back to the Genpo manor, where he leans over a table with all the evidence theyve found and Sebastian gives us a quick recap of the case so far: the first body was found three weeks ago, this mummification-phenomenon has repeatedly occurred since then and…… thats it. Cool, very necessary.

Not!Ciel asks Sebastian if he has the power to do that to humans and hes just like "eheheh. who knows >:) I am very skilled at coaxing the juice out of fruits tho" and. okay, listen, a lot of the dialogue I describe here is gonna seem wonky bc Im translating it into english from german, but I can promise you that atleast 6 times out of 10 the dialogue is Just Like That and this is one of those times. Also, I was so baffled by this line when I first watched this, that I had to share it w/ the lads over on discord and while I was typing it into DeepL to translate it my brain went "heh, sounds like a euphemism for a gay blowjob". I have nothing else to say.

Okay, well, aside from the fact that Sebastian is making some orange juice during this scene and while hes saying that hes holding the squeezed fruit and looking at it weirdly

Also, idk where to mention this, but while I was looking up character and VA names for this post, I found out that Bernhard Völger also did the voice direction and script for this movie on top of voicing Sebastian, and I was like what??? wait did he write the script for the anime as well AND HE DID?? like, the dialogue in the german anime dub is good! Its no masterwork but its good!! HOW DOES THE DIALOGUE SUCK THIS BAD. MISTER VÖGLER WERE U PHONING IT IN FOR THIS. or was the original script just that bad???? Idk man, lets keep going

Not!Ciel just kinda moves on, bc yeah, what the fuck are you supposed to say to that. He tells Sebastian to go get the police investigation file about the case and we cut over to the Office for Foreign Affairs at the Ministry of State Security. Some guy called Tokizawa approaches some guy behind a desk, I dont know if they mention his name and I dont feel like looking it up, so Im calling him Desk Guy. 

Desk Guy tells Tokizawa that he's been waiting for him because he wont have to worry about anything with him on board. He makes a stupid unfunny joke and Tokizawa just stares at him blankly before giving him the report on the suspected mafia guys who died in the introduction. Desk Guy (his name is Saneatsu Nekoma but idc) is like "Bro dont come to me, head of the Ministry of State Security, with this petty bullshit, leave that to the police, we've already got enough to deal with", but Tokizawa just keeps going and tells him that, according to eyewitnesses, a single man in a black tailcoat killed all twelve of them. He also shows him like, a button, I think? which has the Genpo coat of arms on it as well as a newspaper article calling the Queen of the Wests intelligence agency into question or smth like that idk. Tokizawa starts expositing and we find out that the Queen's Watchdogs carry out assassinations?? I already mentioned that I have some issues with this movies definition of 'Watchdog', but watching not!Ciel and Sebastian carry out an assassination and trying to like, cover it up n shit would probably be more interesting than the plot we got ngl (thats your cue to spend 2 hours watching Book of Murder rather than watch this movie for 2 hours btw)

Desk Guy is like "those are all just rumors man", but Tokizawa insists that, if this Watchdog does exist, then hes a danger that they need to get rid of, to which the desk guy basically responds with "Nah, we're not doing that". So yeah, he takes all of his stuff and goes to leave, but Desk Guy stops him before he can do that by telling him "This conversation never took place, but… Listen Tokizawa, when you get rid of a watchdog… the owner cannot notice". Then he starts playing around with a lighter while the camera seems to put a strange amount of emphasis on his weird cat head ring and the scene ends.

Im gonna be real with you, this scene is pretty pointless but they do both make like, one and a half other appearances in this movie so. yea whatever

Cut to the Funtom Company Headquarters or whatever that building is, where we see a board meeting concluding. After everyone else left, Hanae Wakatsuki, not!Ciel's aunt and our bargain bin Madame Red, approaches not!Ciel like "Are you so distracted bc of Family Stuff that you cant work properly?" and he has to apologize. Not!Madame Red asks him if he found anything in regards to the Devil's Curse and tells him that she supports him n stuff and not!Ciel is just kinda shaking his and nodding, its very awkward

So awkward in fact, that the movie decides to spare us from the rest of this conversation by cutting away to some exposition abt the Genpo family, which is being told to Tokizawa by. someone, i dont fuckin know. 

So, at some point in time, a guy called Earl Ernest Phantomhive decided to change the name of his famous noble family and settle in The East. I already have some stuff to say about this: I looked it up, and there doesnt seem to be a guy with that name anywhere else in Black Butler Canon (although I hesitate to call this movie canon lol), and they mention that the previous head was the third generation head. Later on we're gonna get a line thats like "The Genpo family has been employing demons for generations" which, to me, implies that Ciel Phantomhive existed and that he did what he did in canon, which means that he had a child and didnt die incredibly young, somehow apparently.

Moving on with the exposition, we get the line "Over generations, the House of Genpo created a huge fortune for itself as toy manufacturer", which throws a bit of a wrench into things, bc it implies that the Funtom Company hasnt existed since the 19th century, which would mean that this movie doesnt really line up with either the manga or the anime canon.

Anyway, next we find out that the previous head of the Genpos got shot dead along with his wife for unknown reasons and that their only daughter, Shiori, has been missing without a trace since then, so, thats….. interesting, for sure. Whats more interesting is that two weeks after the murders, some little boy called Kiyoharu (thats our boi not!Ciel in case you forgot) and this weirdo in a tailcoat (that's our boi Sebastian in case you. cant read context clues i guess) just Appeared, claiming to be the illegitimate child of the previous Genpo-head. Im sure those two things are completely unrelated :)

Also, theres apparently some stupid bullshit-tradition where only a maaaaaaale can take over as head of the Genpos and. Okay. First of all, correct me if Im wrong (Im only on volume 21 of the manga) but I was under the impression that, in canon, the person who takes over as Watchdog is the person who was born into the Phantomhive family?? Like, its still the Victorian Times, so I'd imagine that the sons were favoured when it came to that obviously, but if they could only have one child and it turned out to be a girl, I figured that she would take over Watchdog duties regardless. In the case of the Phantomhives specifically, I guess she wouldnt be able to (officially) run the company, maybe?? Idk what the consensus was about that kinda stuff at the time

Yknow what, I feel like this is about as good a time as any to address the whole thing with not!Ciel being trans. Now, I have a bit of a conspiracy theory about the Doylist reason for all of this, but we'll get to that later. For now, I'll just talk about this from a Watsonian, in-universe perspective. The main thing is just, if he was a cis girl, I dont think he would feel that comfortable being misgendered all day every day. Source: I am a cis girl and if I had to pretend to be a boy out in public for some stupid reason, I would definitely tell all three (3) of my servants to address me by my proper name and title while we're chilling in our big empty manor on our own bc fuck it, I'm not getting misgendered in my own house as well. 

Sidenote but, from what I can tell, not!Ciel was around 6 or 7 when his parents got shot. Do you mean to tell me that these people were perfectly fine letting a literal fucking not-even-a-preteen child take over Watchdog duties and carry out assassinations and investigate these insane ass murders, but GOD FORBID a girl tries to do the same

Anyway, thats basically it as far as exposition goes, we also find out that not!Madame Red always supported not!Ciel as his only living relative and as a custodian.

Smash Cut to not!Ciel hangin out w/ our bargain bin boi, Charles B. Sato in his garden again, discussing the Anthony Campelle Case. He hands him the police investigation file and when Charles asks him how he keeps getting his hands on them and not!Ciel is just like "Oh, you know, the Queen's Watchdog has a rather useful tracking dog of his own" while we get some really subtle filmmaking while Sebastian's feeding a cat in the background.

Charles just sorta leaves after that?? even though its his own garden, presumably. Idk, not!Ciel stands up and approaches Sebastian like "Bro whats it w/ you and cats" and Sebastian responds "They are my only conversation partners" which. ughhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like this is a thing that I see quite frequently in remakes and live action adaptations, where they feel the need to 'explain' a fun character quirk rather than just being like "Yeah, this is just part of this guys personality, no explanation needed". Like, Sebastian liking cats is just a cute and endearing Thing, I dont need any reason beyond that for it to be there

That being said, this is gonna be important later, so you should remember this bullshit

So yeah, they leave and we cut to them driving around the city at night. Sebastian tells us that Anthony Campelle's body will be flown back home tonight, that they will reach some meeting point shortly and that they can probably buy themselves about five minutes. OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO damn I wonder who theyre gonna meet.

They arrive at a theme park, which is obviously the best place to meet some guy to look at a decayed corpse. So yeah, theyre meeting the Undertaker, obviously. It's a tad unclear if that's supposed to be the OG Undertaker, but judging by the fact that his voice is different and they list him as 'Undertaker Jay', Im guessing not. 

We find out that not!Ciel falsified some documents to make sure that the body goes to this guy bc they know that they can bribe him. 

The undertaker makes weird awkward eye contact with Sebastian and then gets paid in… money. and not laughter, which is really disappointing, but I guess I get it, shit like that works in a dark comedy but would seem weird in this thriller-ish live action movie. But still

Undertaker sniffs the money (?) and agrees to let them look at Anthony for five minutes, so they do that. 

They made like, a puppet/sculpture-thingy for his rotten body and I already mentioned that I like the practical effects for the most part, so yeah, I think it looks pretty good. It looks pretty fake, especially upon rewatches, but idk I dont really mind I thinks its charming (if thats the right word lol)

Sebastian and not!Ciel look over the body and pull a piece of a tobacco leaf from Cuban production out from between his teeth. Cool. We get a really weird shot of the undertaker eating a bone-shaped cookie. Idk. Its only been like, a minute at best but our bargain bin Undertaker is all like "Ey ur time is up btw", so they go to leave but before that, Sebastian smugly pulls a handkerchief out of his suit pocket and reveals that *gasp* its got wine stains on it??!!? Insane

Anyway, the undertaker drives off and not!Ciel is so pissed off at Sebastian being so good at his job even though it benefits him too, it's hilarious. He asks him how he knew there was a stain on the back of Anthony's handkerchief and Sebastian goes on this whole explanation tangent where hes all like "Well, if there was some tobacco between his teeth, he mustve bitten the cigar open instead of using a cigar cutter however I can tell that hes a rich gentleman by his suit, so the only reason he wouldve done that, is if he was drunk and if he was drunk, he probably had some wine stains that he had to wipe away". Cool. Wtf is up with rich people man

Not!Ciel begrudgingly compliments him for that and Sebastian is all like "Oh, no, its no big deal and besides, Im sure you noticed the same thing, Young Master :)", to which he responds by being like "Hmpf, tch. And Im sure you know which exact wine it is too >:|" and. he does, it's apparently a Chateau Bonheur vintage '75. Neato.

Not!Ciel tells him to investigate the distribution channels of both the wine and the cigar bc theyre expensive (and presumably rare) brand products

Smash Cut back to the manor, our boi Sebastian's done investigating and tells not!Ciel that the only place where they have that specific wine and that specific kind of cigar together is some high society club. Like the stuff with the purification ceremony, this feels like it would play a lot better if this movie took place in the 19th century bc yknow, theres a lot less people around. It's not a huge deal, but still, kinda takes me out of it.

Another thing that kinda takes me out of it is the dialogue here, Idk whats wrong with it, but it's just weird. Sebastian explains that it seems like a regular Rich People Club on the outside, but they have special rooms in the basement that only selected members have access to, where they like, do drugs n shit. 

Not!Ciel works out that the envelopes in those pictures of that mafia guy were invitations to those special rooms. Yeah, remember those? Bc I didnt but then again, Ive been writing this post for like a week now. And we're only around 30 minutes in, oh boy.

Anyway, he tells Sebastian to make a list of the party guests and hes like "I already did lol" (you might wanna remember that, although its not that important tbh).

Sebastian tells him that he needs a recommendation in order to get the invitation, which is really annoying and inconvenient, but not!Ciel looks over the list and goes "Hm, there are probably some of my aunt's acquaintances on here", which. doesn't really make things any less annoying and inconvenient bc he really hates interacting with her outside of work. 

Sebastian is like "Being shy to too great of an extend can be a disease" and i swear to god, he has the most rancid-without-being-like,-actually-toxic-or-abusive Dad Energy ever while he says it, next thing you know he's gonna tell not!Ciel that "If he can't change the situation hes in, he should change his attitude about the situation hes in" (this is Foreshadowing btw, remember this)

He doesnt say anything like that though, thank god, he just tells him to be confident and graceful as is befitting for the head of the Genpo family. And. oh god, this fuckin moment. So, not!Ciel is frowning bc hes not looking forward to meeting not!Madame Red and Sebastian tells him that thats rude and grabs his cheeks to 'make' him smile. First off, this kinda shit just doesnt play well in live action, it's incredibly awkward. And to make things even worse, he goes "Come on, smile" and it's supposed to be playful, I think?? but its so dead-pan and weird and oh good god, its awful, Berhard, why did you deliver it like thaaaaaat

Not!Ciel slaps him away like "Stop it! Ive forgotten what it is to be happy after that day". Cut to Sebastian looking at him really fucking strangely, while not!Ciel has flashbacks of a bunch of people wearing blank white masks shooting his parents right in front of him and also branding him, but seemingly without the human trafficking stuff as a reason for him being branded, like, thats just something they did for no reason here i guess. I'll get more into that later though

ANYWAY, Smash Cut to the next day in not!Ciel's fancy dining room (?), where he and not!Madame Red are discussing the case while eating some Rich People Bullshit Food and some fancy ass piano music plays in the background. Also, not!Madame Red is being accompanied by this bodyguard guy, I dont remember his name and it doesnt really matter tbh bc he's not Grell or even a Grell-stand-in so why should I care. 

Sebastian is like, preparing/presenting/whatever I forgot the word, the Rich People Bullshit Food and their drinks and while he's doing that, he and not!Ciel exchange a weird look and Sebastian does some strange shit with his face to indicate that he should smile. Not!Ciel starts contorting his face in a weird way in response and Sebastian is like "oh no, nvm this is worse actually"

So yeah, once we're done with… that, we get not!Madame Red agreeing to get him the recommendation. She asks him what not!Ciel is trying to find out, which ??? Th The Devil's Curse?? What else could he possibly be investigating, not!Madame Red??? Idk, maybe this is actually some 1000 IQ foreshadowing or smth.

Not!Ciel doesnt answer and we get a really awkward moment of silence, she tries to alleviate somewhat by being like "You're always silent when it comes to the most important things" and then launching into this thing about how he shouldnt forget that his mother was her sister and how she wants to take revenge too. 

But then, she suddenly has this spasm?? this attack?? seizure??? Idk, she starts breathing really heavily and holds out her hand for her bodyguard to give her this bottle full of white tablet/pill thingies. She takes one and calms down again, we get a quick shot showing that Sebastian is Observing and not!Ciel just goes "I will avenge them" like that didnt just happen ?

Whatever, we just cut to later in the same dinner and not!Madame Red is looking over the list of secret party guests like "Okay yeah, I know some of these guys, getting you an invitation will be no problemo… however, you gotta bring a date". Man, the amatonormativity here is staggering, but we're also in like, Rich People Land so what am I even expecting

Anyway, not!Madame Red asks not!Ciel if he knows anyone who could accompany him and Rin runs over to the table for reasons that arent conveyed well and, of course, trips and its a fucking catastrophe i guess. 

Those white pills get spilled, not!Madame Red knocks a glass off the table but obviously Sebastian swoops in and catches everything, including Rin, who was about to fall down as well. He apologizes for her clumsiness and not!Madame Red is all like "Woaaaaa that was soooooo impressive, Ive been watching you for a long time, yknow :)"

Not!Ciel gets all pissed at her complimenting him and goes "Yeah, he sure is like an extension of my limbs, but Im still the head and he shouldnt do shit without my explicit orders" and ????? this is really, really stupid but it's pretty important, so remember this  

Cut to them arriving at the club, not!Ciel is NOT crossdressing and going with Sebastian here, he's just gonna go with Rin as his date. He like, looks her up and down and goes "Hm. Not bad at all" and Rin is all like "U-Uwahh (〃＞＿＜;〃) Young Master pls dont look at me like that" and. okay.

Moving on, Sebastian is like "Rin, I'm begging you, do not fuck this up" and not!Madame Red hands not!Ciel the invitation. He just takes it but YOOOOOO the wax seal is the same symbol/crest thingy that got burned into not!Ciel's back?!!?!? So, yeah he has a brief flashback and asks his aunt who's hosting this party. Its some guy called Shinpei Kuzo from Epsilon Pharmaceuticals, a company that creates new medicines, so he tells Sebastian to go investigate their laboratory before going into the club with Rin. 

As we enter the club, we are bombarded with a barrage of techno music and colorful flashing lights and strippers and people doing drugs while wearing fancy masquerade masks. Rin, our sweet innocent summer child, is like "Oh dear what is this place??" while not!Ciel just completely ignores her in favor of informing the audience of the fact that the attendees of this party are important and/or well-known personalities from all over the world via voiceover. 

Then he proceeds to notice some guy called Shinozaki, an arms dealer who allegedly does business with terrorist organisations. Hes kinda like our Viscount Druitt stand-in bc hes like, the red herring basically. I say 'kinda' because its pretty hard to tell and like, I get that they didn't want to call him Druitt but come on throw a blonde wig on that man, please

That one guy, Shinpei Kuzo, comes up on this balcony thingy above the dance floor, introduces himself and tells everyone to please enjoy the evening. Everyone applauds and Shinozaki joins him on the balcony thingy before they both leave, which makes not!Ciel go "Aha! Theres our guys!". So then he just kinda tells Rin to stay put and fucks off to follow them. Cut to not!Ciel sneaking about in an oddly blue hallway but then Rin is suddenly right behind him bc Sebastian told her not to leave him alone. He's all like "I dont care!! Gtfo!!!" and tries to push her out of the hallway by force (?) but oh shit! that Shinpei Kuzo guy is suddenly right there! 

Not!Ciel tries to play it off by being like "Heyyyyyyy, I followed you because I really wanted to meet you in person :D" He also tries to introduce himself but Shinpei Kuzo is like "I already know" and proceeds to tell us some stuff we already know about not!Ciel but like, menacingly. 

Rin gets knocked out, not!Ciel asks him what hes doing in a weirdly whiny way but that might just be the german dub, gets punched twice, calls him a miserable bastard  and then gets knocked out. But before he passes out, Shinpei Kuzo goes "Your yapping and howling is useless" and then proceeds to. howl. Then we cut to a black screen and the man howling transitions into a cat meowing.

Smash Cut to Sebastian fucking around with a cat on some stairs at the Epsilon Pharmaceuticals Laboratory Complex. He checks his pocket watch (?) and then goes "I shouldve known better" ?? Idk what that's about.

Anyway, he breaks into the oddly blue glowing lab and has a good look around at all the Sketchy Science Equipment and Mysterious Old Parchment in some glass cabinets. One of them has an open book that has "Grand Elixir" written in it, Sebastian takes it out to read a bit before he shifts his attention to some other cabinet-thingy, but this is one is like, metal and he needs a key to open it (he has one of those circles with a bunch of keys on it during this sequence). 

The music swells dramatically as we get a shot of a bunch of neatly sorted drugs. They come in three kinds: transparent sphere with yellow liquid inside, transparent sphere with dark red liquid inside and flat white tablet. 

Sebastian takes and eats a yellow one in the funniest way Ive ever seen like, listen, if you don't plan on watching this movie, PLEASE i am begging you to look this movie up and go to the timestamp 0:45:30 and tell me Im not insane for thinking that its funny. 

Anyway, its Piss. He ate a capsule full of piss. Idk what its doing at the Illegal Drug Facility, but its there. HAH just kidding, this is but a Highly Amusing Jest of mine and you totally fell for it, probably. We'll find out whats up w/ that capsule soon enough though, dw. 

He also eats the other two types of drugs and then proceeds to only steal a bunch of the red drugs. These are our Chekhov's Drugs, remember them. Then he looks to the side for some reason, where he sees a doorknob (?) that looks exactly like that symbol that was burned into not!Ciel's back, ooooooooooooooo intrigue

Cut to a bunch of unconscious young girls laying around on some tables (?) with a bunch of tubes sticking out of them, it looks pretty fucked up ngl. Sebastian comes up to one of the girls and holds his hand over her mouth for a moment before going "Ah, yes of course. I see" like something completely obvious is going on here. But we don't have time to dwell on that bc theres suddenly a beeping sound effect fading in and we all know what that means: Explosion Time. 

He finger guns at a blinking red light in the corner of the room, says "Ive got you now" to no one, does an adorable little jump and then the lab fucking explodes

SMASH CUT to not!Ciel and Rin laying in the corner of some room, tied up and with burlap sacks over their heads. Idk whats up w/ Rin, but I do know that ya boi not!Ciel is waking up to conveniently overhear an Obviously Evil Conversation between Shinpei Kuzo and Shinozaki. Shinpei Kuzo is all like "muhahahha I can finally show the fruits of my (EVIL) research to you :)" 

We briefly cut back to not!Ciel and discover that hes got a knife in the heel of shoe (?? somehow idk) and he starts cutting his restraints.

Meanwhile Shinpei Kuzo continues to evilly monologue while Shinozaki stays completely silent (remember this). He explains that all the people 'out there' are addicted to the drugs that he created and that he's gonna turn them all into guinea pigs (also, hes evilly fondling a ceramic skull during this scene). I specify 'out there', bc the people he's referring to arent the ones we saw in that rave-strip club, theyre other people hanging out in another room, thats really brightly lit and has a bunch of mirrors. the mirrors are like, those mirrors that are just mirrors on one side but you can look through them on the other side, Idk what you call them.

Anyway, Shinpei Kuzo continues with his monologue like "In a moment, we'll see the most thrilling show of all time" and then starts announcing some stuff to the secret club attendees. The important part is that he supposedly created The Ultimate Drug and its called Necrosis. Hmmm I wonder if that means anything………

Since none of these people know anything about medical terms or ancient greek they just kinda start clapping. 

A trio of white-robed men with pointy white hoods Suddenly Appears and while watching this for the first time I was like "Oh god. There are black people at this party, this is noooooot gonna go well" and. I mean, I was right about it not going well, but dont worry, these guys are NOT white supremacists. 

Each of them is carrying a weirdly shallow fancy glass with exactly one (1) drug on them because rich people are insane. But wait…. That drug, oh my god! Its that yellow capsule that Sebastian found!! One of them waves the capsule around in front of the crowd, who react really strangely but theyre all drugged up and horny so, whatever. The hooded man then crushes the Necrosis capsule while Shinpei Kuzo tells everyone how to take it via loudspeaker: you just breathe it in after its crushed and the liquid evaporates, basically. If that seems like it would be an unsafe nightmare, well…. You're lucky its not commercially available i guess. 

Whatever, they start smelling the hood guy's hand and theyre all blissed out for a hot minute, before…. blood starts running out of their noses. *GASP* you mean to tell me that the drug called NECROSIS is bad for you?!??? One of the people rips the hood off the hooded guy's head to reveal a gas mask underneath and everyone starts freaking tf out right about now. The other two guys also dramatically pull their hoods off at this point. 

Shinpei is being a huge dick and mocking them from the safety of his secret hiding place like "Well, how does it feel when you're ascending the steps to heaven? Is it not more exhilarating than any high?"

And then the weird gas mask guys pull out one of those devil's card because yeah, this is the Thing behind the Devil's Curse, what a shocker

Then we get some important exposition regarding Necrosis: after you breathe it in your nose starts bleeding, then your ears start bleeding, then you start crying blood, your pulse starts racing before you 'turn into a mummy' at last. You have 15 minutes after breathing it in before you start fully dying and the only way you can be saved (and have all the effects completely reversed) is by taking two capsules of the antidote, which is those red capsules that Sebastian stole (if you only take one, you can survive but will likely sustain brain damage). So yeah, one of the guys pulls out a bunch of Antidote Capsules, but theyre obviously not enough so everyone starts fighting over them. 

Cut to Shinpei Kuzo in his hiding place, giving his big speech to Shinozaki thats like "HAH, something something the nature of humanity selfish, something something that room there is representative of the entire world" and its like. whatever, I dont care about this guy, the most entertaining thing he did was howl at not!Ciel and that was ages ago at this point.

Anyway, he gives Shinozaki the chemical formula to produce Necrosis and then acts all surprised when he pulls a gun on him and shoots him dead. Its kinda funny hes like "This is a bad joke o_o" bro this whole movie is a bad joke.

Shinozaki stands up and aims his gun at not!Ciel…. but doesnt shoot him. Instead he shoots that two-way mirror (?? is that what you call them) and then just kinda leaves. It's worth noting that we dont actually get to see his face throughout this entire sequence (remember that)

Rin wakes up and says "Young Master" a bunch of times while not!Ciel manages to free himself from his restraints using that knife he's got in his heels. Also the drugged up dying club attendees are trying to smash the window/mirror for some reason?? Idk. Maybe because they noticed a bullet coming out of it or smth.

He helps Rin up, they escape into the oddly blue hallway and run into Sebastian, whos just kinda standing there, holding a cat, doing like, the Nya Gesture. Yknow what I mean???

Not!Ciel calls him a miserable idiot because yeah, he's just kinda fucking around rn. He tells him to cut the crap while he's just smugly smirking and Im like. godddddd he doesnt even slap him for that, OG Ciel wouldve slapped him for that. Maybe thats why Sebastian keeps fucking around bc not!Ciel isnt gonna do anything about it anyway lol

Smash Cut to not!Ciel giving our bargain bin boi Charles Sato a quick recap of everything. He explains how Anthony Campelle was probably given a cigar containing Necrosis and that devil's card and then died in his car when he lit it and the vapor or whatever was released. We get some flashbacks as he's explaining it, the editing is kinda neat here. 

So yeah, he tells Charles that Shinozaki commissioned the creation of Necrosis and not to worry bc he's gonna find him and. ughhhhhhhhh. Im getting preemptively annoyed bc hes gonna go out basically by himself to find him like, BRO you have a fucking demon, use him for the love of god. Like, he tells him to "take the precautions" or whatever but ughhhhhhhhh. 

Anyway, Rin interrupts them because theres a police officer at the door and he wants to speak to not!Ciel and Sebastian. They exchange a look and. and Sebastian pulls a fuckinh butterknife out of like, the inside pocket of his tailcoat. Cut to Charles completely ignoring this bullshit and telling them that that purification ceremony is today. I was originally gonna go on this giant tangent here abt how it doesnt make sense for them to do that now that case is solved but whatever, they probably just didnt wanna cancel this big fancy ceremony on such short notice idc. 

Not!Ciel is like "ugh, how annoying. Whatever, Sebastian go talk to the police officer, do whats necessary". Remember this. Sebastian sticks the knife back into his suit and thats the end of the scene.

We get a brief shot of like, a train station with a bunch of police guys standing around and no other people whatsoever bc the people of this world are smart and avoid cops. Then we're w/ Sebastian and some unrelated cops in this dark sketchy warehouse-lookin place, but some white text tells us that this is actually the Interrogation Room at the Ministry of State Security. Also, I wanted to point out that, as he's entering the room you can see that he has to duck a little to not hit his head on the doorframe, and I thought that was funny.

The police officer is that Tokizawa guy btw, he's here for his half a scene and he's like "You know… theres an exception for everything. And in this room of the police department, exceptions tend to become the rule" Get it? Its bc cops are corrupt as fuck

(Theres also a bunch of other guys with him and theyre all surrounding Sebastian but idk their names)

Meanwhile not!Ciel is just kinda waltzin around the completely empty headquarters of Shinozaki LTD. He does remark that its strange, so its not like this is some kinda filmmaking mistake

Back to Sebastian n the other guys, he's standing around in some dimly lit room thats probably in the basement somewhere, squinting while our boi Tokizawa kinda circles him and menacingly says "These three gentlemen will take care of you, Im gonna leave brb" and then he tells his Three Guys to "do whats necessary" before going to leave. oooooooooooooooo ~parallels~ 

Theres not really a point to it, but its neat nonetheless.

Right as he's about to go out the door Sebastian is like "Take your time" ??? Idk but it really grinds Tokizawas gears, he menacingly steps towards him like "You wont be this calm for much longer. Believe me you'll be missing me soon enough" and then he finally leaves. 

I feel the need to point out that Sebastian's actor is squinting for, honestly, the entire movie but its distractingly noticeable in this scene. ALSO those three guys are in SUITS and one of them is like "Alriiight, shall we begin with the interrogation" while loosening his fucking tie like hes switching from Rich Private School Student Mode to Violent Delinquent Mode.

Sebastian is like "Oh, we're having an interrogation in the Interrogation Room of the Ministry of State Security?? Thats what we're doing here?? I'm afraid I can stay for that" and one of the guys tries to attack him but ofc he cant bc yknow. sebastian. We get a fight scene thats like, kinda cool ig?? One of the guys gets thrown into a desk thats just Standing There like yeah, thats the kinda thing you need in your dingy basement at the State Security Investigation Room where you Actually Just Beat The Shit Out Of People And/Or Kill Them. 

Let's check back in with our boi not!Ciel whos walking around a similarly sketchy dingy dirty place. Btw he's wearing a top hat here and thats really funny to for some reason. Like, I get that he. actually, nvm I dont get why he's wearing a fancy ass suit and hat when he was presumably just gonna kill Shinozaki but idk, we've already established that rich people are fucking insane, maybe its literally just that. 

Whatever, GUN SHOT.

Not!Ciel turns the corner and theres a bunch of guys shooting (presumably) all the people Shinozaki employed on a tarp (so they dont have to clean up the blood n shit)

Smash Cut back to Sebastian, he's leaving the interrogation room and says "What's necessary has been done, Young Master" to no one and then we get a brief shot of the three guys being dead (?) in the dingy basement room, before he leaves.

Back to not!Ciel, he's trying watch all those people get murdered but Rin interrupts him. He grabs her by the shoulders like "WHAT are you doing here??!?" and shes just like "Ive been told not to leave you alone under any circumstances" like. sure, whatver. 

Two guys come up behind them and point guns at them, oh no. They start like, herding them towards the tarp, so they can shoot them and not!Ciel pushes Rin away and tells her to run and and none of the guys there stop and try to kill Rin, they just keep dragging not!Ciel over to the tarp and dont do anything about her, how sexist of them. Or, maybe theyre actually radical feminists for this. Oh god, no one tell them that not!Ciel is trans, radfems hate that.

But then they dont actually put him on the tarp, they just kinda push him on the naked ground ?? Idk, the important part is that not!Ciel sees that one of the people who got shot is Shinozaki. What???? But. if he shot that other guy at the club (forgot his name sry) and he's dead now too….. WHOS PULLING THE STRINGS. So yeah, ya bois brain starts firing up and he goes "The culprit only added the cards to stage the murders even more dramatically, if he only had the development of the drug in mind, that wouldn't have been necessary" which means that they wanted the attention of the entire world and the best way to do that is to attack the place that everyone all kver the world is gonna be paying attention to: the purification ceremony.

And the reason he didnt kill not!Ciel was so that he would report back to the Queen that Shinozaki was behind it so they could have a scapegoat and also make it clear to everyone that this insanely dangerous weapon is now in the hands of terrorists (bc Shinozaki had a reputation for doing business w/ terrorists, idk if I mentioned that yet)

We get flashes of like, stuff thats happening at that ceremony while not!Ciel is having his little monologue about it and it ends with a shot of a statue of the Virgin Mary holding Baby Jesus and the way its shot/framed makes it seem like theyre trying to draw a parallel between Mary and not!Ciel, but I cant think of a reason why theyd do that?? Considering whats gonna happen later on, you'd think that they would try to draw a more direct parallel between Jesus and not!Ciel but whatever, I didnt make this stupid movie why do I care

Anyway, someone finally tries getting not!Ciel on that damn tarp after they just let him lie there for like, a minute and they do it by picking him up by his fancy jacket like hes a wittle kitten. Rin also finally tries to intervene and they finally threaten her with a gun. Cool.

So, he's on the tarp and one of the guys aims at him, doesnt shoot him even though he has every opportunity to while Rin is being held back (and also not shot) by another guy who also has a gun. And she let's her glasses fall off her face, thus activating her Bargain Bin Mey-Rin Badass Mode. Also, I dont think I mentioned it so far and Idk where else to put this, but they pronounce Rin really weirdly in the german dub. They pronounce it like Reen/Rene bc shes called Maylene in the german version of the manga (i dont remember how she's called/how they say her name in the german dub of the anime, its either Maylene like the manga or May-Rene/May-Reen).

Whatever, Rin saves not!Ciel and they manage to hide behind a concrete pillar-thingy and all the guys are like "Ugh, we cant let them get away, I go that way, you look for them there" as if they wouldnt have seen them hide and as if they couldnt easily get to them??? Idk, who cares, time for a  semi-emotional moment where Rin is all like "I'll distract them, you get the hell out". Our boi not!Ciel is basically completely shellshocked and makes a noise that I wouldve just translated as "???????" in my subtitles if I didnt take this as seriously as I do.  

Rin responds by telling him that she was trained to protect him from birth and that her family was trained to protect the Genpos for generations, which implies that this is one of Mey-Rins ancestors and possibly that the Phantomhives/Genpos like, selectively bred these people for their eye sight which is. normal and cool and neat. 

And then she deadnames and misgenders him and not!Ciel is like "?????? how did you know????" and she just goes on this whole mini-monologue about how upset she is that she couldnt protect not!Ciels parents and how grateful she is to him which. doesnt explain anything but who cares

Not!Ciel runs off, cue Action Scene. 

Im just gonna say that this is the best action scene in the movie but I might just think that bc its the only one that doesnt have Sebastian, so I dont have to look at his face while watching. It ends with Rin falling down after killing basically everyone and she goes to crawl away bc she cant walk for some reason and then we get a guncocking noise, to which she responds by being like "I serve the Aristocrat of Darkness I die with honor!!" but OOOOOOOOOOO speak of the devil, Sebastian shows up and kills (?) the guy before he can kill Rin (even though he couldve easily killed her, like, he had a gun and he was holding it literally centimeters before her forehead, why does no one i this fucking movie just kill people normally jesus) by stabbing him with one of his butter knives, ayyyyyyyyyyyy

Rin is confused and we rewind to the point where not!Ciel ran off and we see what happened to him while Rin was having her Action Scene. He runs outside and gets caught by Sebastian who was just. hanging around outside the building i guess. Im not bringing up how Sebastian is just fucking around bc we're gonna get to the worst of this soon trust me (also he kinda has an excuse here but idrc). The editing is kinda strange here in a way thats kinda hard to describe and everything gets all desaturated, but the movie is already really desaturated and theyre also in this colorless industrial-lookin place on an insanely mediocre afternoon, so its all just gray.

Anyway, then not!Madame Red and her stupid bodyguard/servant guy who isnt even supposed to resemble Grell in the slightest so who cares about him, drive up.

not!Ciel is like "Quick! We gotta get to the purification ceremony!" and shes like "???¿? are you sure". He doesnt answer, we just Smash Cut to him sitting next to his aunt in the car and he tells Sebastian to go save Rin and then go to the purification ceremony, no matter what. Also, he tells him to "Do whats necessary" (REMEMBER THIS)

Cut back to the present, Rin is all like "But… I dont deserve this :'("  and then passes out. Sebastian catches her and goes "Well then, I hope youre prepared for anything". That doesnt mean anything

Since The Climax is about to kick off, I would just like to say that this post is currently almost 12,900 words long. For reference, the public domain english translation of the Communist Manifesto is 11,450 words. We are an hour and eight minutes into this two hour movie.

We get to that bit I mentioned aaaaaaaaall the way back in the non-spoilery part where the music gets really good while we get some establishing shots and exposition about the purification ceremony via radio broadcast. It's being held in the King's Rich Cathedral or some shit and apparently part of the ceremony was that the attendees as well as a big portion of the population have been praying for an entire night. cool. 

Cut to some fancyass church where a priest or a pastor or whatever is reading some lines from the bible about how like, god is good or smth idk you know how it is with the bible. He's reading psalms 56,14 and 57,2 here and its…. ironic?? questionmark??? Idk man

Smash Cut to not!Ciel noticing that hey, we're not actually driving to the church wtf is going on. This doesnt really make sense for reasons we'll get into later. For now though, not!Madame Red just says "No, this is the right way" in a menacingly monotone voice and then points a gun at his head. Its worth pointing out that the car theyre driving doesnt have a roof, so literally anyone could just. see this shit happening out in the road. 

Whatever, *GASP* the gun has the symbol that was burned into not!Ciel's back on it!! Also, idk if I mentioned this, but that symbol was also on the gun that they shot his parents with, so this is probably that same gun. 

Then we get a flashback-shot of Sebastian bridal carrying Rin for some reason as we continue with the ironic (?) bible verses. We get psalms 57,3-4 which is something like "I call out to God Most High, / to God who stands with me" "He sends me help from heaven; / my enemies revile me" like, yeah, I see what youre doing here.

Here's a bit of behind-the-scenes trivia for my translation of this part: I was originally just translating these bible verses like I did all the other lines, but then I decided that it might be better if I look up actual "official" english translations (that are close to whats being said in german) and use them before realizing that thats dumb and now Im just doing it like I was going to from the start. The reason I bring that up is that this line was originally "I call out to God Most High, / to God who takes care of me" which wouldve been even more on the nose somehow

Cut to not!Ciel being lead into some industrial-warehouse-lookin place while we get more on the nose verses, this is psalm 57,5: "I must camp in the midst of lions, / who are greedy for men. Their teeth are spears and arrows, / a sharp sword their tongue." Like, YEAH I GET IT.

There's a big ol' fan here thats like, blowing in front of this opening that lets sunlight in and idk if Im describing that well lol but I just wanted to mention it bc it makes for some neat lighting during this climax.

Then not!Madame Red's bodyguard puts down this suitcase that can only be opened via secret four-letter password (foreshadowing~) while she's pointing a gun at not!Ciel. He opens it and we see that theres a bomb and a whole bunch of Necrosis inside and that its set to blow up in thirty minutes. Keep this mind for the rest of the climax. 

Bodyguard Guy also hands not!Ciel one of the capsules bc hes a moron ig and not!Madame Red takes a picture of him holding it. So then she launches into some Obviously Villainous Reveal Exposition Stuff or smth where she's basically like "Have you ever seen it up close? Ehehheheh no, of course you havent… couldnt see well with that sack over your face, could you >:)" and we realize that *GASP* she was actually Shinozaki during that one scene???? Woaaaaaaaaa

I know Ive been complaining about this stupid movie for over 13.5k words and will continue to complain for many more words BUT Im a sucker for this kinda setup and payoff and this movie delivers on that, if pretty much nothing else

Now is when Bodyguard Guy actually sets the bomb so it actually starts counting down. Not!Madame Red is like "everyone in the vicinity will fucken die and it will be the biggest terrorist attack ever!!" which, to me, implies that this warehouse-lookin place is like, close enough to that church that the Necrosis vapor could reach it or close enough that they could just, get over there and put the suitcase there in under 30 minutes, but if thats the case, why was not!Ciel all like "where are we going" when they had to have gone in the direction of the church??? Ughhhhh whatever, I'll just move on before my brain fuckinh explodes.

She then holds the camera up and tells not!Ciel that she'll bring that image of him holding Necrosis into circulation after the attack, which. sure. whatever. Also, she says that they want to put the blame on her majesty, the Queen, which implies that she's not at this purification ceremony?? I mean, thats smart but still

One hour, eleven minutes and forty seconds into the movie, not!Ciel gets shot. This will not matter, but I am going to keep reminding you.

He falls to the floor and barely even blinks before trying to tackle her and calling her a traitor. Her bodyguard interferes by smacking him in the face with a cane twice, causing his eyepatch to dramatically fall to the floor and reveal his…….. heterochromia!!! 

Not!Madame Red is like "Oh yea, that reminds me… Sebastian isnt gonna rescue you, after all, you ordered him to go to the church right away, didnt you? That demon" YOOOOOOOOO, she knew??? How??? Well, she doesnt really say. She just kinda goes "like many a Genpo before you, you sold your soul to the devil" cool. I kinda mentioned this earlier, but the way I interpreted this initially was that she's referencing OG Ciel and OG Ciel only, and I think thats still the intent, but the other way to interpret this is that multiple of Ciel's descendants also summoned a demon. Specifically, Ciel's descendants who are the Genpos. If you remember that big ol' exposition dump about not!Ciel's parents, they mentioned that a guy called Ernest Phantomhive changed their name and that not!Ciel's dad is the third generation head. So, we have three options as far as Genpos who also summoned a demon and sold their soul: Ernest, not!Ciel's unnamed grandparent and Arihito, who is not!Ciel's dad. Personally, if we're going with that interpretation, I think Ernest is the guy who did it. 

I dont have a reason for thinking that and also it doesnt matter, lets move on

Not!Madame Red is pointing a gun at him like "If I kill you now, I'll have nothing to fear" WELL WHY DONT YOU. istg I dont usually complain about stuff like this, but its so noticeable how everyone wants not!Ciel dead and yet no one ever shoots him even when they have the opportunity to, the only guy that had any kind of excuse was that mafia ringleader guy from the very beginning. 

Anyway, we get a flashback of not!Ciel getting tucked in by his dad as a little kid. He sits on the edge of his bed and strokes his wittle face and it makes lil not!Ciel smile :) Then his mom comes in to be a Doting Housewife or whatever. Smash Cut to a bunch of weirdos with white masks menacingly walking up the stairs and one of them has a knife/sword for some reason?? They do have a gun, but still. 

Then we get a shot of not!Ciel expressionlessly looking at his crying mom, whos been gagged even though she also immediately gets shot, cut back to not!Ciel who has like, iron shackles around his neck and hands and feet, we get another shot of him expressionlessly looking at his dad who got shot in the head and is now bleeding out, another shot of not!Ciel's crying mom, he finally shows some emotion. Not!Ciel from the present day swoops in via voice over to inform us that his parents Were Indeed Murdered and that thats when he summoned a demon, on that day. I might talk more about that later.

For now, we just get some really weird editing and potential Jesus imagery (?) as Sebastian appears and…. carries not!Ciel away or something, idk man

Back in the present, not!Ciel tries to tackle not!Madame Red again and gets smacked with a cane twice. again. He also gets pinned against the wall by the bodyguard guy with the cane and hes fighting back n shit before he just kinda ends up on the floor like "I cannot die!!" and not!Madame Red is like, irritated but still doesnt shoot him like. girl please. 

Anyway, then she walks towards him and goes "You didnt sell your soul to the devil for nothing. But unfortunately… just wishing for something isnt enough sometimes" ??? Who knows. She FINALLY shoots him, hell yea!! but wouldnt ya know it, the bullet doesnt hit.

So yeah, Sebastian just Fucking Appears behind her like "I think you lost something, gracious lady :) May I return this bullet to you :)" Not!Madame Red has a little freak out while he goes to help not!Ciel stand up and not do Literally Anything about the bullet wound in his arm. Not!Madame Red asks him how he found them. Cut back to that scene right before not!Ciel sent Sebastian off to save Rin, if you remember, he told him to "Do whats necesarry" WELL as it turns out, thats some kinda weird fucking code for "Yeah you can to whatever, as long as it protects me" which. What exactly are the terms of their contract??? Bc in the manga "Sebastian has to protect Ciel" is like, part of the foundation of their whole deal, to the point where Sebastian will disobey his orders if obeying would put Ciel's life in danger, but here its this stupid bullshit.

Whatever, Sebastian explains that he found not!Ciel via talking to some cats, so theres the payoff to that. And. once again, how does the contract work in this movie?? And like, to be fair I dont remember this being in the manga, but in the anime its implied that they have some weird mindlink because of that contract mark. Why didnt they just do that I feel like that wouldve made much more sense and fit the tone of this story far better. But I guess its kinda funny or something idk man this stupid movie has destroyed everything dear to me

Sebastian keeps going and explains that hes had his suspicions about not!Madame Red since he was at the lab because the white tablets she has and the white tablets they were making at the lab are the same. Well, he doesnt explain it like that ig, but thats definitely how he found out. No the way he explains it is like "I found a bunch of ancient documents about immortality n shit in that lab and those white tablets" and then we get a flashback showing that he actually took one of not!Madam Red's that she spilled during the dinner earlier (thats another payoff for ya). He explains that the tablets dont make you immortal, BUT it confers eternal youth, which means that it might prolong your lifespan??? ……… idk Im not getting into this. 

Not!Ciel goes "ok…. Whats Necrosis tho??" and its like, a byproduct of the white tablets. cool. We also find out that the white tablets are made from hormones and enzymes that can only be found in living young girls and thats why they were putting them in crates in the opening scene AND why there were all those girl w/ fucked up tubes sticking out of them at Epsilon Pharmaceuticals. cool coolio. 

Obviously not!Ciel is horrified and not!Madame Red starts laughing maniacally like "I KIDNAPPED AND DRAINED THOSE GIRLS OF THEIR HORMONES BECAUSE OF SOCIETY bottom text" or well, because of the traditions of the Genpos, ig. Idk, then she explains her motivations to us, which are basically that she was supposed to marry not!Ciel's dad and even had his child, but then she got attacked, lost the baby and was told she would never have another child. Because she couldnt give birth to a successor they just kinda left her on the streets and not!Ciel's dad married her sister instead. Also, while shes saying all of this we get like, flashbacks showing all of this shit. 

Shes also like "The traditions of the Genpo fjcking suck you even pretend to be a man because of them" and hhhhhhhhhhhh Ive already talked about the gender stuff, Im not getting into it again. What I will say here is that its a shame we dont get one of those "I am Ciel Phantomhive and by my cursed name, I will do this and that"-moments bc that could be pretty helpful in figuring out what he actually thinks of himself, but alas

Not!Ciel is yelling about how his father wouldnt have done that but not!Madame Red just steamrolls right past that and keeps monologuing. We find out that she always has those weird spasms? when she thinks of her sisters happiness but that those white tablets somehow help with them??? cool

That  that moment when your immortality pills made from little girl hormones also help with your rage induced heart palpitations

Whatever, then we get one of the best lines in the movie from not!Madam Red which is: "But at some point I realized that… if I cant have a child, then… I just have to find a way to become immortal!" Nothing more to say, really.

She also directly follows it up with "And when all the people who hold on to these traditions are dead, I will reign and dictate the rules!" Thats a category 6 girlboss moment babey, a bunch of people are gonna die 

And then not!Madame Red tells not!Ciel that she wishes he had never been born and it does not have the same emotional impact like, at all. Like, ughhhhhhhh why did they make it so that she hates her sister? Part of what made the OG Madame Red compelling was that she genuinely loved her sister and Ciel too, and that killing him was the line she wouldnt cross even when she was at her worst but in this movie its just like, yea she shot him in the arm, did you forget that she shot him in the arm btw bc the writers sure did, and she had no qualms about shooting him in the head.

Not!Ciel is about fucking break down crying and we cut go Sebastian whos like "Mmmmmh the nature of humanity amuses me >:)" like cool, thanks for nothing man. Actually no, we get a voice crack from Bernhard Völger when he delivers that line and its funny to me, but other than that we get literally nothing. 

We just cut right back to not!Ciel whos like "Did you really kill them :'(" and not!Madame Red responds "Yes :) I did :)" and his face starts Emotionally Convulsing in anger.

Then we get a flashback that shows us that not!Madame Red let the murderers into the house and that she was taking a bath with milk and rose petals while the murder took place like a #girlboss. We also see that she has a Special Locket thats gonna be kinda important later I guess

Back to the present, not!Ciel yells at Sebastian to go kill her, so he tries stabbing with a butterknife but he gets stopped by *gasp* not!Madame Red's bodyguard guy!! Did you forget that he was there, bc I forget that he was there when I first watched it and when I rewatched it just now, I was like "damn, I dont remember her dying like that and we're also only an hour and 24 minutes in, I wonder whats gonna happen in the remaining 30". But yeah, somehow this random guy can hold Sebastian "The Actual Fucking Demon" Michaelis back except not really?? Idk, I'll get into it later ig.

Sebastian doesnt just kick this joker in the balls and then goes and does what not!Ciel told him to bc we need an Action Scene babey!! 

I forgot to mention this, but theyve all been standing on like, a platform thingy in this warehouse-place and it collapses (?) beneath Sebastian and Bodyguard Guy and they roll onto the floor while not!Ciel calls out to him. Not!Madame Red points a gun at him from behind and, instead of just shooting him now that his demon is distracted, tells us that her bodyguard's body was somehow enhanced by pharmacy and thats why he can take him on ig

You know, I would complain about how in the anime and manga (which this movie seems to at least try to follow somewhat) you had to be some supernatural creature or blessed by some goddess to even have a chance against him and in this movie its just like, a guy whose existence is being sponsored by Big Pharma or smth BUT they actually establish later that Sebastian couldve killed this joker at any time, which means that I'm gonna complain about him fucking around instead.

Like ugh I mentioned this earlier but this stresses me out so badly I just wanna take him by the collar of his stupid tailcoat and shake him around like "SEBASTIAN. SEBASTIAN YOUR HUMAN. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FUCKING HUMAN HES GONNA DIE SEBASTIAN WE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU WONT GET TO EAT HIS SOUL IF HE DIES NOW BRO" and ughhhhhh. I get that his soul is probably like, mediocre as fuck especially compared to OG Ciel's soul but hes been at this for 10 years now like cmon. And yeah, 10 years is probably nothing to a Literal Demon or whatever but like, if I was hungry and I took ten seconds out of my day to make a really mediocre sandwich and then someone shot it with a gun and I couldnt eat it anymore, I'd be pretty upset yknow

Moving on, not!Madame Red is like "Can your demon stand against a miracle of god?" which. doesnt ? make sense?? This is so out of context, why didnt she just say smth like "Can your supernatural demon stand against a Creation of Medical Science™?"

Whatever, they keep fighting and Sebastian is lowkey getting his ass kicked which is. man, I dont even have the energy to get that mad at this point Im just exhausted.

A definitive highlight of this fight is Sebastian getting pinned against the wall by Bodyguard Guy in a vaguely gay way. Also, Bodyguard Guy has been fighting with a cane and while pinning him he reveals that theres actually like, a sword inside so thats cool. He also manages to give Sebastian a cut on the cheek despite not touching him. at all. 

They pause their fight so Sebastian can gingerly touch his injured cheek while the bodyguard is like "As far as I know, you need a silver stake to kill a vampire… Whaddaya say, how'd this silver sword taste??" ??? what. I can see why not!Madame Red hired this guy, he also says random barely-in-context bullshit. Anyway, Sebestian responds by being like "Ugh dont compare me to such a vulgar species >:|" and then they continue fighting while some honestly pretty sick orchestral music plays in the background

Not!Ciel and not!Madame Red, who is still holding a gun to his head btw and also he still has a bullet wound in his arm in case you forgot bc the writers sure did, come down from their platform-thingy for some reason. Meanwhile Sebastian's gaining the upper hand and manages to knock the sword-cane out of Bodyguard Guy's hands and starts threatening him with his Singular Butterknife. Like, holy shit, I cannot possibly describe to you how lame this is. Obviously this kinda shit works a lot better in animation but also, theres a reason he uses multiple knives and theres a reason he uses them either like wolverine-esque claws or like throwing knives and not like A FUCKEN SWORD; its because its LAME you need something longer for Sword Shenanigans yknow.

Thank god our #girlboss is there to break this cringe up. She's like "Oh you'll lose her soul if I shoot him dead now dont you" like GIRL you want him dead just shoot him!! You literally have the gun to his head!!! Ugh, #girlfailure. Then Sebastian releases the bodyguard guy, turns towards not!Madame Red and lets his knife clatter to the ground. You know, like a moron. 

Obviously Bodyguard Guy tackles him and he slides across the floor like a wet towel in the wind, gets kicked in the face and almost falls into this Inexplicable Pit thats just there, beneath them, in this warehouse-thingy, but he manages to hold onto a Convenient Railing so its all good.

We get a brief shot of not!Ciel sorta stumbling and holding his arm because the actress didnt forget about the bullet wound even though the writers did at some point. Then we're back to the bois, Bodyguard Guy is picking up his sword-cane, we're immediately back to not!Madame Red being like "AHAHHAHA I wonder if you can kill a devil >:D" She's laughing manically and not!Ciel seizes the opportunity to knock the gun out of her hand and try to punch her and fail bc she just catches his hand no problem. 

BUT not!Ciel smirks :o so shes like "wtf" AND THEN he opens his fist to reveal….. Necrosis. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO obviously not!Madame Red is all smug like "How unwise, because without the antidote youre gonna fuckin die :)" but she reaches to like, a little chain on her shirt and she goes "Its gone!! o_o" Uh oh. She turns to not!Ciel like "DO YOU HAVE IT" and he opens his other hand to reveal a little charm-thingie with two capsules of the antidote. 

We get a lil flashback to when Sebastian first appeared behind not!Madame Red in this warehouse-place, apparently not!Ciel took that opportunity to steal her little antidote-charm and she didnt notice somehow. whatever. 

Cut back to the present, not!Ciel crushes the capsules beneath his boot and goes "And just like that, the roles are reassigned" and. dare I say, thats a #boyboss moment. Not!Madame Red starts nose-bleeding and panicking, so she calls out to her bodyguard guy to give her the emergency antidote capsules or whatever only to discover that *GASP* he doesnt have it either….. Uh oh. 

Guess who has it thats RIGHT its ya boi, Sebastian, turns out he grabbed em while Bodyguard Guy was homoerotically pinning him against the wall. Anyway, he just eats them like the stone cold mf he is.

Not!Madame Red starts freaking tf out while not!Ciel grabs the gun and completely forgets about the bullet wound in his arm, just like the writers. He and Sebastian exchange A Look for some reason?? Whatever, Sebastian turns to Bodyguard Guy like "If you wanna defeat me, do it now" He also does a weird little thing with his hand where he covers the cut on his cheek for a moment and then takes it away to reveal that its gone ?? Idk but I kinda love this moment ngl, so i dont really care. Bodyguard Guy goes to tackle him but Sebastian does some bullshit and then stabs him with his own cane-sword in 10 seconds like, what was the point man. And then he lets his body fall into the Inexplicable Pit. cool. 

Our gal not!Madame Red is on the floor, begging Sebastian to help like the #girlfailure she is unfortunately, but just walks right past her towards not!Ciel. He's like "hey remember the antidotes I stole from the laboratory, here they are so that you dont fucking die" so thats our payoff for those. Not!Ciel just kinda wipes the blood from his nose and goes "I don't need them, you'll eat my soul after this anyway why bother" but not!Madame Red sprints over to him and grabs his shoulders like "NO please I didnt kill your parents!!" and. yeah, but you still let them in didnt ya. Idk, she means like "Oh no, I was just someone else's tool during all of this" and I dont really see how that makes a difference tbh because not!Ciel already knew that she wasnt literally the person who shot his parents dead and he wouldve still considered her dying a suitable revenge or whatever (atleast I think he knew?? Idk at this point). 

We get a flashback of that mafia guy from the beginning introducing her to someone. Apparently she was approached by some organization to help with an assassination and she went "well, I fucking hate my sister so sure thing". cool. Not!Madame Red tries to be all "The head of that organization is the real mastermind!!" and ughhhhhhh Im sorry but why would not!Ciel care? Like idk, imagine if Ciel at the end of the anime, after Sebastian defeated the angel went "ok but we still gotta kill the queen bc she ordered this" like no man, you already killed the person directly involved with his parents death (and the person behind the cult that trafficked and further traumatized him) you dont need this

Whatever, he asks her what the guys name is, shes like "I honestly dont know!!" and not!Ciel drops the gun bc hes a moron ig. Sebastian's like "what are you gonna do now" and. ughhhhhhhhhh he's not gonna kill her as long as hes not sure she's the murderer or whatever. Hes like "young master are you sure. theres only two capsules left" and yes, yes he is sure for some fucking reason. So yeah, he offers her one of the capsules so they can at least both survive, meanwhile Sebastian is burying his head in his hand in the background like boiiiiiiiii same tbh. We get a moment where she thanks him and is genuinely touched and then she SNATCHES BOTH OF THE CAPSULES WHO COULDVE SEEN THIS COMING. 

She starts laughing maniacally and going "I DID IT HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO STUPID" ya girl is having a full joker moment. Not!Ciel is devastated and asks her if she just lied to him and shes like "Nah, I was telling the truth" like idgaf, if I was not!Ciel I wouldve definitely killed her after this anyway out of pure spite but whatever. Not!Madame Red starts laughing even more maniacally somehow BUT THEN she starts like, choking ?? I think?? Idk

Anyway! Sebastian starts giggling in the corner and its kinda cute ngl, I dont think hes ever laughed like that in the anime. Not!Madame Red doesnt seem to agree though, shes crying blood and being like "you monster, what the fuck did you do". He's like "Oh :) This was just a :) tiny little experient of mine :) I was wondering how a greedy human would act if only two capsules of the life-saving antidote were left :)" and then. holy shit. Then he reveals that those two capsules weren't actually the antidote; they were two Necrosis capsules MIXED WITH HIS OWN BLOOD. 

I mean. at least he finally stopped just fucking around, so thats somethin

He also goes "I did what was necessary just as the young master ordered" and Im like, better late than never i guess. Also, we dont ever get to see not!Ciel's reaction to all of this, he's completely out of frame during all of this. ALSO he still has that bullet wound in his arm did you forget bc the writers sure did.

 But anyway, we cut to not!Madame Red standing in front of those two fans I mentioned earlier and ngl, this shot is actually pretty sick its so dramatic, I really like the music too. We get some flashbacks with her and not!Ciel's dad that we've already seen earlier and she cries an actual tear and it like, dilutes the blood running down her cheek, its good stuff. And then she uhm. dissolves into ashes. Like, straight up Im not lying here, I remember watching this, losing my mind and feeling like I had to take a walk but I couldnt bc it was like 11pm at that point and Ive been watching this movie for over 4 hours. 

So uh. Madame Red? More like Madamn Red bc ya girl is going to hell for sure

We finally get to see not!Ciel's reaction and hes absolutely horrified. He walks over to her remains, which is to say, her clothes and her locket, and he opens it and theres a picture of her and his dad inside. cool. Then he puts it down like some kinda memorial I guess. 

Sebastian goes "Hey we gotta get to your aunts house now" for some reason ?? and we get some more bibles verses, this is psalms 60,13-14: "Help us in the battle with the enemy! For the help of men is useless" "With God we shall accomplish great things; He Himself shall trample our enemies" great. Not!Ciel completely ignores Sebastian and instead turns around to the locked briefcase with the bomb and all the Necrosis, while we get psalms 61,2-3: "God, hear my plea, / pay heed to my prayer!" "From the ends of the earth I call to You; / for my heart is despondent" 

Then not!Ciel starts slowly walking towards the suitcase while Sebastian is all like "What are you doing :( You havent reached your goal yet :|" and he responds "Yeah….. I know…." like ???? Oh god, everything after this is gonna be so fucking stupid. 

Sebastian asks him if he really thinks its more important to save other people when he's slowly dying from Necrosis as we speak and also he has a bullet wound in his arm and is slowly bleeding out did you forget bc the writers sure did. His voice has a very subtle and strangely soft edge to it, it almost reads as though he's in like, disbelief that a human could be that selfless or something ?? Idk, put a pin this ig.

Not!Ciel fully ignores him again and just keeps going towards that suitcase, while a weird sad japanese pop song starts playing very quietly in the background ?? Okay, cool. He tries to crack the suitcase by entering not!Madame Red's birthday as a code and it doesnt work, his dad's birthday doesnt work either and hes all out of ideas ig, so that sucks. Sebastian Suddenly Appears behind him to say "You wont be able to carry out your revenge. Is that really what you want?" while not!Ciel just hhhhhhhhhh keeps fucking ignoring him.  

Honestly, this is kind of power move but I cant really endorse it because its just so stupid and infuriating. Like, you have a demon. Use him. WHY ARENT YOU TELLING HIM TO HELP YOU SOMEHOW THERES NOTHING PREVENTING YOU FROM DOING THAT. Also the fact that Sebastian isnt doing jack shit on his own aaaaaaaaaaaaaa I wanna commit a crime.

So then not!Ciel apologizes to his parents, grabs the suitcase and starts making a run for it while Sebastian looks on after him with a weird unreadable expression AND we get more on the nose bible verses :D 

This is psalm 61,4-5 "You are my refuge, / a strong tower against the enemies." "In your tent I want to be a guest forever, / I want to nestle in the shelter of your wings.", we get to hear it while our boi is dragging himself to some stairs and stumbles bc hes trying to quickly go up the stairs in heels. 

So yeah, he drops the suitcase obviously and hes like, weakened and panting and shit and ayyyyyyyyy, Sebastian's still here for some reason. Not!Ciel calls out to him but he just looks down at him like that 'Pathetic' meme and goes "It seems that I have picked an extraordinarily average master" which. Okay, I'll get into that later. He also tells him that he's not obliged to help him if he voluntarily dies bc its basically like suicide, so theres our payoff for that ig. Also, I guess this is supposed to be the justification for why not!Ciel doesnt just. order him to help, but like, if he ordered him to help, he'd have to do it, right. Right?? Honestly who cares at this point. 

They exchange a weird look before not!Ciel picks himself off the ground and the pop music (which has been playing in the background this whole time btw) starts getting louder as footage of him dragging himself up the stairs intercuts with footage of the purification ceremony. 

And also while hes doing that, Sebastian Suddenly Appears in his path but he just keep ignoring him #boyboss. I can only assume this bit is supposed to be tense or emotional or whatever but its just kinda strange and awkward, which is this stupid movie in a nutshell tbh

So, he finally arrives at the roof of this warehouse-thingy and thinks "wait. THE DATE OF MY DAD'S DEATH" so he enters that as the code and he winds up being right, ayyyyyyyyyy!! So he opens it and *GASP* the bomb is about to go off in 10 seconds, oh no!! Not!Ciel gasps, grabs the bomb, runs up to the ledge of the roof in slow-motion and throws it off just in time for it to explode in midair. Also, the pop song stopped at some point, but I wasnt keeping track of that. 

We get a close up of not!Ciels face and see that he has these fucked up veins spreading up to his cheeks but hes also clearly Not Rotting Alive (or even crying blood!) bc he's gotta stay pretty or whatever. I also wanted to mention that the color grading is really gray here just like that scene outside of the other warehouse place.

Not!Ciel collapses onto his back, breathing really heavily from the sheer catharsis like "I DID IT". Cut to a blurry shot from his POV where we can see Sebastian looking down on him, that lasts for just a beat too long which makes it really awkward, but what else is new. He's all like "To choose death for oneself for the sake of others… Well, that saves me a lot of effort. insert laugh track Under these circumstances, i may take your soul, Young Master" to which not!Ciel responds by being like "Just take it" and honestly yeah, please just put all of us out of our misery at this point man. Sighhhhhhh but before we get that, we gotta have some Vague Philosophical Dialogue between not!Ciel n Sebastian bc thats what they do in Black Butler ig. And yeah, they do have those in the anime and manga n shit but idk. They probably come across better when its animated and also when not!Ciel isnt laying flat on the ground, slowly dying in the most pathetic way. 

Ughhhhhh whatever, not!Ciel goes "It was my decision to take this path" and Sebastian says "You lie to yourself and pretend to be strong. You won't be able to avenge your parents anymore. Oh I really do pity you" and ??? whatever Im this close to finishing this, I'll try to be less nitpicky. 

Then not!Ciel is like "No, Sebastian, YOU'RE lying to yourself" and he goes on being like "You really wanted to watch and experience what it must be like for someone to throw away his life and sacrifice himself for others" and Im just gonna stop right here bc I just realized that he used he/him here or rather, that I translated it using he/him pronouns. 

So, the german sentence (the important part of it, anyway) is "[...] wie es wohl ist wenn jemand sein Leben wegwirft und sich für andere opfert…" 'Sein' is a masculine pronoun, however since we dont really have gender neutral pronouns aside from 'es' (it), we mostly just use the masculine ones by default (they do it in english too, but they have the "option" of using 'they', which is not really something you can do in german). So yeah, this doesnt really put the nail in the coffin as far as not!Ciel's gender goes for me, however, if they went of their way to use the feminine pronouns for this ("[...] wie es wohl ist wenn jemand ihr Leben wegwirft und sich für andere opfert…"), I wouldve been like "Oh thats a girl 100%". I mightve mentioned this before, but like, not!Ciel himself never refers to himself as a girl, its always other people.  

Anyway, lets get back to their Vaguely Philosophical Dialogue. Not!Ciel goes "After all, the feelings of humans seem to be of great importance to you in some way. Thats the only reason youre in this world" okay, lets start with the thing that bothers me for obvious reasons: my brother in christ, hes in this world bc he needs to eat. hes a demon they eat souls shouldnt you know this. 

The second, less obvious thing is YES, human emotions DO seem to be important to Sebastian somehow in the manga too and YES it is an interesting aspect of his character, but whyyyyyyyy would you just SAY that here?? Like yeah, I was able to figure that out from reading the manga, but theres still a level of ambiguity to it yknow?? 

Sebastian does deny it here, but ughhhhhhhh I just hate it man, why do I have to justify myself.

Then he goes "Mindful of their own gain, egoistical, immoral and not afraid to murder: That's what humans are truly like. As I know them." like, I'll get into why this is annoying later, for now I'll just say sighhhhhhhhh not!Ciel is his magic pixie dream girl. awesomeeeeeeeee. 

And then not!Ciel says "I've heard that the devil was an angel at first. But his goals had been too lofty after which he had fallen into hell and became the devil" while we get a shot of Sebastian looking down at him with an unreadable expression that looks vaguely like disappointment, but I kinda doubt that its supposed to be disappointment lol. He also says "But it doesnt really matter" which is the first smart thing he said in this movie, before passing tf out. And I want go make this absolutely clear, he is NOT DEAD, he passed out, alright?? alright.

So, Sebastian looks down on him for an uncomfortably long moment, we get a shot of his closed fist and he opens it to reveal…… two capsules of the antidote :O woaaaaaaa. Cut to a close up of not!Ciel's lifeless-but-not-actually-dead face, then a shot of him just kinda leaning against Sebastian's chest and. oh good lord. so, guess what he does with the antidote. Heeeeeeeeeee eats it ayyyyyyyyyy

Alright, at this point during my first watch of the movie I noticed that I needed to go to the bathroom and that I was also pretty thirsty, so I paused the movie to pee and then fill up my water bottle. I actually needed to go to the bathroom for a while at this point and was originally going to do it after I finished watching, but I was like "whatever, I already know how this is gonna end anyway". Needless to say, I was wrong. Idk, if youve watched this movie please tell me what you thought was gonna happen at this point or if youve only read this post, please tell me what you think is gonna happen next before you keep reading.

Heres what I thought was gonna happen: Sebastian would eat the capsules, then we would get to see the conclusion of the purification ceremony intercut with him holding not!Ciel, we'd probably get some more on the nose bible verses. Cut to a news broadcast being shown in some public place thats like "its been 2 weeks since the ceremony and we havent had any more Devil's Curse related deaths :D god be praised" or whatever and then we'd get a shot of a crowd watching it and in that crowd is *gasp* Sebastian?? And then he'd disappear into some dark alleyway and its implied that he went back to hell or whatever. And the thematic point would be smth like "humans are capable of both good and bad things, of creating both their own destruction and their own salvation but the devil destroys all of that i guess" which. yeah, thats relevant to real things happening in real life, good job on the themes bro. 

But, this isnt what happens. What happens instead is much simpler and also so much worse. Get ready

Sebastian kisses not!Ciel. He's got the antidote in his mouth and he administers it via kiss. ayyyyyyyyyy. 

Here's where that conspiracy theory I mentioned earlier comes in: I think the reason they did this stuff w/ not!Ciel being trans/a girl pretending to be a guy is that they wanted to have this moment. Thats pretty much it. Mainly bc nothing actually comes of the fact that not!Ciel is AFAB and like, Im not one of those people whos like "hurr durr any character whos not a cishet guy needs a justification for not being a cishet guy", however, a lot of mainstream filmmakers do think like that, so yeah. Sorry, I'm having some trouble properly explaining this, I hope you get what I mean. 

The kiss ends, we get a shot of Sebastian's unreadable expression, then a shot of not!Ciel and see those fucked up veins fading away. Then he wakes up. neato. Not!Ciel goes "what did you do?!?" and Sebastian basically responds like "I gave you the antidote dont. dont worry abt it". Obviously not!Ciel is confused because "You werent obliged to save me" like, YEA we KNOW youve told us THREE TIMES, if he voluntarily kills himself, Sebastian gets his soul and wouldnt have to interfere. Whatever, Sebastian explains that taking his soul under these circumstances wouldnt be very appealing, whatever that means, and that hes going to expose it to the darkness for a while longer so that it grows into a powerful black soul. 

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST youve been at this for like, 10 years if his soul is still mediocre its gonna stay mediocre, sorry not sorry.

Also, the way he phrases that kinda implies that hes going to traumatize not!Ciel further in order to like, make his soul taste better somehow, which could be an interesting concept i guess, its just. ughhh, I already really dislike this version of the Ciel/Sebastian dynamic and this just makes everything worse. Also, even if the concept is kinda interesting, we didnt get a sequel so it doesnt really matter, does it. I guess you could also see that as an explanation for why Sebastian's been doin such a bad job at yknow, protecting him, but I just see it as stupid, sorry

Whatever, they exchange A Look and then we get a shot of the slightly-better-than-mediocre afternoon sun over the city skyline. Fade to Sebastian bridal-carrying not!Ciel over to the manor, at least they got that right yknow what I mean? I only really noticed that when I started reading the manga recently, but Sebastian is always just picking Ciel up its kinda funny. Anyway, do you remember the bullet wound, the one that writers forgot about?? well, its been finally bandaged up, presumably by Sebastian. Better late than never, king.

Also Rin n Tanaka are there to greet them, so thats sweet. 

ALSO also, I just noticed this now, but holy fuck, not!Ciel has been wearing so many fucking bead necklaces throughout all of this. 

Cut to an uncomfortably long shot of Sebastian staring directly into the camera as we fade to a scene thats completely irrelevant! Yayyyy!!

So yeah, basically we're back with Desk Guy, do yall remember him? The Ministry of State Security guy that wasnt Tokizawa, yeah that one. Basically, we find out that he has some connection to the guys who killed not!Ciel's parents and its like, sequelbait that doesnt matter bc we didnt get a sequel lmao. The best way I can describe it is, this would be the post-credits scene if this was a Marvel movie which. no offense to anyone who likes those, but literally the only way I can imagine this movie being worse is if it was a Marvel, so thank god its not. 

Smash Cut back to the Genpo Manor, not!Ciel is in bed recovering from almost rotting to death and also getting shot in the arm did you forget that he got shot in the arm btw. Sebastian is standing next to it and asks him what he was planning to do if he didnt give him the antidote in the right moment. Idk, die? He was lying dead on the concrete wtf do you mean "what wouldve been the end of it?"??

not!Ciel responds by being like "idk I just kinda knew you would save me" ?? You have that level of trust in the guy who just kinda fucks around and barely protects you when your life is in danger?? And then he continues like "...If I had ordered you" ?? Im pretty sure this is supposed to imply smth like "ohohoh ehehhe I know you caaaaare about meeee <3 >:)" but my brain is kinda turning into mush rn, so I cant say for sure. 

Then we basically get the exchange they had at the end of the Circus Arc with him being like "Demons suck but humans, including me btw, suck in complex and layered ways, thats why you can never ever betray me, Sebastian!! I order you to!!" and Sebastian being like "Very well" (ONCE AGAIN NOT "Yes, Young Master" Im gonna tear my fucking hair out), except the vibe is so… off. Like, in the manga (and the anime), this exchange takes place in this mostly empty field among the ruins of some workhouse, but here it takes place in not!Ciel's bedroom and it has this layer of intimacy now but bc his and Sebastian's dynamic fucking sucks it feels unearned and weird. Also, Sebastian looks like he just swallowed a bee and that really isnt helping either

Sebastian stares at him for just a moment too long and starts tucking him in. cool. So then he goes to leave but obviously not!Ciel calls him back like "Stay. Until Ive fallen asleep". He's mildly surprised but then smirks and, rather than stand a good two meters away from the bed and loom over him the whole night like some kind of weirdo, sits down on the edge of not!Ciel's bed without any prompting on his part like a different kind of weirdo. Speaking of Sebastian being a weirdo and doing shit without prompting, he starts stroking not!Ciel's face. And. oh my good lord, this. 

So, at this point we intercut this moment with a flashback of not!Ciel's dad stroking his face and it makes him smile so its fiiiiine. its fine. Yep totally. And Sebastian is also smiling/looking at him in fascination ?? and hey, pro-tip: dont. do this. That is all. 

He says "Yes, Young Master… I will always be with you. I promise. Until that moment when your life ends", cut to black, roll credits and play a sad pop song bc this movie is fucking DONE babeyyyyyyyy I just hit 21k words on this post and I definitely have No Regrets about. anything….

AND YET i am not done, because I somehow still have Thoughts about this movie, so here they are, in no particular order:

So, I feel like I need to clarify some stuff about not!Ciel's gender thing yet again, which is that Im not against the idea of having like, a female version of Ciel for an adaptation, its just that, if they wanted to do that, they shouldve just done it, yknow? Like, dont do this "disguising yourself as a guy bullshit" that doesnt even fucking matter in the end and just have him be a girl!! Its fine!! If you still wanted to have some vaguely feminist-esque stuff in your movie (without actually making it part of the story in a meaninvful way obvs), you could have a scene where some stuffy old execs are being misogynistic and then not!Ciel sticks it to em somehow idk. 

Like, not!Madame Red's whole backstory is clearly trying to say something about the way women are like, dehumanized and reduced to baby-making-machines to be discarded if they cant fulfill their One True Purpose, but just feels so hollow bc it comes up for the first and only time like, 90 minutes into the movie, doesnt get expanded upon in the slightest and then she acts completely horrible towards not!Ciel before dying of Dissolving Into Ash. phenomenal. 

Also, not to be That Guy™, but all of that isnt helped by the story itself being really sexist, especially compared to the original. Like, she despised her fully innocent sister until the end huh. And her sister's (at the time) innocent child that, if the movie summaries I found online are any indication, we are supposed to see as a girl. Because of a GUY who was TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO EVEN TRY TO STAND UP TO STUPID PATRIARCHAL TRADITIONS. IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2020. god

Whatever. Next I would like to complain about the scene I just described at the very end of the movie, with not!Ciel and Sebastian having that interaction in his bedroom. While rewatching it I couldnt help but be reminded of a scene from a fanfic I read recently (not accusing this movie of copying that fanfic ofc, it came out like 3 years after the movie). It was a longer fanfic w/ like 30 chapters, I only read 24 of them for reasons I shall explain shortly, and it was basically just a series of loosely connected scenes where Ciel and Sebastian's relationship grows from pining into like, love or whatever. Idk, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with Sebaciel as a ship bc Im weirded out by it for The Obvious Reasons but like, it scratches literally all of my itches as far as fictional relationships of any kind go and I obviously wanna read fanfics about that, so I just kinda read them anyway and just pretend that Ciel isnt 13 in them. ALSO im a big fan of Seemingly Completely Emotionally Unaffected Characters breaking down and screaming and crying and throwing up and having to be vulnerable n shit, but the thing is, its pretty difficult to do that with Sebastian specifically bc its hard to traumatize a guy like him (without it seeming out of character I mean), so I guess I'll have to settle on him being vulnerable because of luuuuuuuuv <3 Like, Ive only read one (1) fanfic that did it right and it handles topics that are so intense and triggering that the writer went on a hiatus for the sake of their mental health after four chapters. 

But whatever, Im going on a tangent within a larger tangent, lets just move on. 

Anyway, so in this fanfic theyre getting closer and stuff and theyre kinda worrying about their future in the background bc yknow, Sebastian's probably gonna eat his soul soon. Then, with basically no build-up we get chapter 24, where he carries Ciel off to that bench from the last episode of season 1 and apparently Ciel already completed his revenge at some point so Sebastian is going to eat his soul now. Like in the anime, he sits him down on the bench and they have their little conversation before Ciel closes his eyes and waits for him to start eating or whatever. But… he's not doing anything :o So yeah, he cant do it, he cant eat his soul because of luuuuuuuv <3 and he just kinda. rests his head in his lap. And like, the way Im describing it here does not do it justice at all, I need you to know that I was reading this shit at 2am literally shivering because. oughhhhhhh its just so intimate, yknow?? 

And I couldnt help but think about that while watching Sebastian stroke not!Ciel's face in the movie, because its just so euwghhhhh in comparison, yknow?

Like, okay, I know for a fact that I wouldnt like a scene like the one from the fanfic in the actual manga (atleast not at this point, when we havent really had the buildup for something like that), because Ive read standalone oneshots that were basically just that scene, but without the buildup from the rest of the fanfic and I dont particularly like those. 

However, they still dont feel as euwghhhhh as the scene in the movie because theyre still based on Sebastian and Ciel's manga/anime relationship, which is a very solid and interesting one, while Sebastian and not!Ciel's movie relationship is just so euwghhhhh, yknow?? And, Im gonna be honest, if I had watched this movie without knowing the source material, I wouldve probably liked it, however since I do know the source material Im gonna bitch about it anyway. 

Im gonna have some trouble properly explaining this because I honestly have trouble understanding what they were even trying to do with not!Ciel's character here. Literally, when I finished watching this movie after five fucken hours the first thing I did was go into my discord server and write smth like "I just finished watching [the black butler live action movie] and I just gotta say, wtf was the point of any of that" and its because I was just so confused by everything they tried to do with his character.

Okay so, I guess I'll start by bringing up the 2017 Death Note movie again. That movie takes place in The Modern Day as opposed to the early 2000s like the source material, just like this movie takes place in The Modern Day as opposed to the late 19th century. However, unlike the Death Note movie, which has completely divorced itself from the canon of the source material, thus presenting itself as more of an alternate timeline, the Black Butler is very explicitly a continuation of the original's timeline, featuring different characters (with Sebastian being the only one carried over from the original) which… muddles things in a weird way.

To put it another way, 2017 movie!Light is explicitly a different version of the original Light Yagami in a world where the events of the source material never happened, while not!Ciel is essentially an original character in a world where the events of the source material did happen, except this character is just, inexplicably almost the same as the protagonist of the source material, even though the way they decided to adapt it wouldnt have necessitated doing it that way. 

Like, they could've given not!Ciel a totally different personality and backstory, but they didnt, they kept it pretty close to the original, BUT ALSO they DID change some stuff and that, combined with the fact that the original storyline did happen in the past makes for experience thats like. being gaslit through character writing, basically

And the worst part of it is, that those small changes do sooooooo much to rob this version of Ciel of so much complexity and so much of what makes OG Ciel interesting and unique. So yeah, lets go through those now I guess:

The biggest Thing here is probably the way not!Ciel's trauma is handled and before I get into that in more detail I just wanna put this disclaimer here: Im not gonna be approaching this from the perspective of portraying things like trauma realistically/responsibly, Im approaching this as a writer and someone who generally loves a lot of angst and drama and big emotional reactions to things, because its fiction, yknow? Like, you might as well go all out right??

So, in the original, Ciel's backstory/timeline goes like this: the manor burns down and his parents get killed when he's like 10 years old, he gets kidnapped and trafficked immediately afterwards, gets branded and then he gets tortured by the traffickers for a few months before he summons Sebastian and escapes. The story takes place around 2 and a half years after all of that, when Ciel is 12-going-to-turn-13-years-old-soon.

In the movie, not!Ciel's backstory/timeline goes like this: his parents get shot when hes like 6 or 7 years old, he gets branded immediately afterwards, presumably summons Sebastian immediately afterwards, disappears for two weeks for no reason before coming back with a new identity and claiming his place as head of the Genpo. The story takes place around 10 years after all of that when not!Ciel is 17 years old.

PROBLEM NUMBER ONE, we're following not!Ciel wayyy too late in his story and it just doesnt work at all. (And like, I know why they wanted him to be 17 in this, but really, they couldnt have adjusted the timeline a little bit??) I remember watching that scene where Rin and not!Ciel talk in their hiding place before she tells him to run and thinking "hmm….. something's off here but idk what" and its the fact that not!Ciel is just so fucking oblivious. Like, in the original, he knew that Mey-Rin was this insane badass beast of a woman the entire time, when she starts fucking shit up with her guns its a surprise to the audience, not to Ciel bc he like, personally hired her specifically because she was this sharpshooter with amazing eyesight. Also, we havent really gotten her backstory in the manga yet but she probably has some kinda trauma because Ciel seems to really like adopting traumatized little freaks into his household. 

In the movie though, Rin is just like, someone who worked for the Genpos before and not!Ciel didnt fire her even though she sucks at her job because…. he has a soft spot for her?? maybe??? Idk man. And it bothers me because it kind of takes a lot of the agency away from him because yknow, he doesnt actually have all the information in any given situation. Thats probably why the parts where Sebastian was just kinda fucking around upset me so much, especially when he did all of that bullshit during the climax. Or well, I guess the thing that was upsetting me the most was that not!Ciel barely reacted. A thing about OG Ciel is that he's very used to being In Control, so he kinda freaks out when hes not and that makes sense when you consider yknow, All Of The Trauma, but this joker barely does anything about it and its just ughhhhhhh. so annoying

I just realized that I started that tangent by bringing up their ages and then proceeded to talk about some shit that barely had anything to do with that lol

The age thing is like, okay. OG Ciel is only 13 but hes already acting like a jaded adult and then you also realize that he's been acting like that since he was like 10 and basically had no personal growth since then and thats like, the tragedy of his character. He was forced to grow up way too soon and now hes got that depressed-suicidal "whatever, I dont need to anything except achieve this goal and then I'll just die" mindset and he sold his soul to a demon, so its not even like hes wrong. 

And then you watch this movie and not!Ciel is 17 and he just kinda acts like a (aside from the fact that hes like, a CEO) normal 17 year old would in basically every scene except the very first one where he's totally unfazed by being held at gunpoint and. that sucks. Like, okay, Im gonna put the fact that this movie takes place in modern times and not!Ciel really has no reason not to just go to therapy aside, just say that this sucks sooooooo much of the impact out of his story and move on.

You know what else sucks a lot of the impact out of this adaptation of Ciel's story? The lack of human trafficking. I made sure to point this out at the start of my big summary and you mightve noticed this when I summed up both of their backstories, but not!Ciel didnt get human trafficked here. And I find that to be quite a strange decision. 

Like, in the manga, the stuff that he experienced while trafficked kind of defines him as a person, more so than the death of his parents (atleast in my opinion) and while the anime definitely put more emphasis on it, I wouldnt say his parents dying affected him more than the torture, it feels like more of a 50/50 thing. Theres a reason most of the musicals start with Ciel locked in a cage, surrounded by creepy weirdos, going "God is dead, I want power"!! and NOT with the house being on fire and him stumbling upon his dead parents!!! 

I also feel like it makes his motivations less interesting. Admittedly, I had some trouble figuring out what those were initially because Ciel explicitly says that he summoned Sebastian so he could help him with his revenge but he also explicitly says that revenge is futile and stupid and he wouldnt do it or smth like that. And like, maybe he does think that all revenge is futile and stupid, but he still wants to take revenge on the people who humiliated him for himself, NOT for his parents. 

And then we get fucken not!Ciel in this stupid movie being all like "Im going to avenge my parents" or whatever and its just sooooooo uninteresting man. Also, I just hate it when stories have the young protagonist's entire motivation revolve around their parents (usually their fathers). Its a personal thing and I used to not really mind, but ive been having some realizations about my actual feelings towards my parents lately and the way I deal with that is by mercilessly shitting on every fictional parent from every piece of media I consume. 

Whatever, you might remember that bit towards the end where Sebastian tells not!Ciel that hes extraordinarily average or some shit and you might remember me saying that I was gonna get into that later. It is now later. 

That scene was so weird to me because. its so similar to a scene between Claude and Alois in season 2 and it kinda made me realize that not!Ciel is less like Ciel and more like Alois if he was wayyyyyyyyy way way less unhinged, which is to say he's BORING AF. And ughhhhhhh I dont even wanna go into more detail at this point

Anyway, Im pretty sure I had a little bit more to say but I forgot what it was and I already wrote over 23.5k words about this mistake of a movie and I feel like the points I made just now about not!Ciel's character were just kinda getting progressively less and less coherent bc my brain was kinda progressively turning more and more into mush, so yeah. 

Whatever, watch the movie, its right up there in the google drive, you have no excuse not to watch it and then let me know what you think. have a nice day 

[roughentumble]

the girl character's actions made marginally more sense knowing the Third Act Twist, but no they dont because her being into armie hammer is still WEIRD and DOESNT MAKE SENSE and made me uncomfortable. the movie got uncomfortable everytime they were on screen at the same time. BUT as soon as they were seperated, the movie became.... more tolerable.

it's kind of hilarious casting, to try and make me believe armie hammer is a giant supersoldier powerhouse next to henry cavill, who needs to keep swooping in and saving him from harm, but i almost dont have it in me to complain about casting because i enjoyed cavill so much in his role. someone else acting beside cavill wouldve made more sense, and i dont think im wrong to say it, but keep cavill where he's at. (tho i think they couldve swapped roles and it'd make just as much if not more casting sense)

some of the action sequences were definitely fun, i liked the vault door scene, the ending wasnt bad. again, unfortunately my ability to really judge it was uhhhhh Hampered and Impaired. but. i think mostly it was alright. again, i only really noticed hcav, but that might be because i'd decided i liked him at that point, instead of any true weakness of performance from other actors or any flaws behind the camera. bias will cloud your judgement that way

likeable enough film, though a little part of me wants to watch it with my mom just to see if she also gets freaked out by the quote unquote "romance" in this film, which made me viscerally uncomfortable.

definitely wouldnt have been watchable if i didnt enjoy cavill's gay little art thief so much, though

[creepypocky]

Hi can I request a matchup please! Thank you if you do.

I want both if that's okay!

My pronouns are they/them but they change bc im genderfluid

My sexuality is bi

My style is vampire goth I wear rings, fishnets, black and red dresses! But sometimes I like to mixed my style up. Im usually grunge, goth, or sometimes scene it depends on the day and mood!

My hobbies are playing video games, watching movies, hanging out with friends, and going out to do fun things!

My goal is to be a more out going person!

My ideals with my s/o are going out to eat, looking at the night sky, going to the beach and going to arcades!!

My favorite kind of person is a person that would be loyal to a fault (like I am), have a strong but kind personality! They work towards they're goals but also have fun along the way <3

The kind of person I hate is stuck-up, selfish, jealous,snobby, nosey, and just plain rude to others or their own friends/family kind of like a basic stereotypical white girl in movies that does eye rolls lmaoooo

I like exploring nature and new places thats what I like. What I dislike is going somewhere new and getting lost. Or being stuck too.

My zodiac sign is pisces, my moon is in Sagittarius and my rising sign is virgo if that helps any!

Im mostly an introvert but I try my best to socialize with new people!

For NSFW: I dont have any kinks but what turns me on is neck kissing, biting, touching my legs or thighs tbh aftercare is the best to me

For a bonus: winter and autumn give me so much comfort, Halloween is my most loved holiday and Christmas is too <33 I love it when its chilly in autumn and when its snowing in winter it calms me so much even though I get cold way too easy lmaoooo

I hope your day/night is good!

Hii <3

You can most definitely get a matchup :)

I match you with: Ticci Toby!

First off, he thinks your style is really cool and sometimes when he's out on missions he will randomly buy clothes or small things for you and when he comes back he'll be really excited to just smother you in gifts and see the smile that comes up on your face because of him. Sometimes he'll even match styles with you just to show off to other people or just for the sake of it.

Toby is really interested in having fun and stuff despite the kind of person he is because he rarely gets to have fun because of Slender, but once you two start hanging out he always has these crazy ideas for the both of you to try out that he's never been able to do with people other than just doing stuff with himself.

When he's free, he likes to take you to arcades and skating rings to get you away from the other pastas because he knows they can be pretty rude or weird but also because he likes playing the games with you (especially the racing ones because they let him get his pent up emotions out by raging since he doesn't want to accidentally let it out on you) and he also loves the look of determination or amusement that you have when playing them.

He doesn't have as many games as Ben does back where he lives, but if you take interest in a game or mention one to him he always takes note of it and gets the game for you whenever he's able to without you knowing. He's really keen on spoiling you all the time and it's super cute when he goes out of his way to get you stuff even though he doesn't have to.

When it's a quiet night and he doesn't have to go out to do his job, he likes to cuddle up to you in bed and watch movies with you on his laptop. He mostly enjoys watching really bad horror movies just because it's fun to make fun of them, but if you're in a more serious mood he doesn't mind at all putting on whatever you want and just enjoying the moment with you.

He loves that you strive to have more friends and to be more outgoing even though you're mostly introverted because he knows most really introverted people wouldn't really bother with trying that, so he respects you a lot and admires your determination.

He can be pretty immature at times especially around the other pastas and his emotions can be confusing to even him, but despite everything he is still fairly loyal, especially to you. He can definitely be big on pranks but he always makes sure not to hurt you too bad or ever take interest in another person more than you because you're the main person who makes him feel human and/or normal, so he wants to show that same kind of contribution towards you.

Since he's bipolar and has to deal with depression due to his past and current job, he's pretty strong for going through it for so long and being with you only makes him stronger and reminds him of how lucky he is to still be breathing even though Slender could easily get rid of him if he wanted to, it gives Toby adrenaline and determination to keep on going and keep living with you whilst knowing the risk of it all.

He understands hating people who are really stuck up and selfish because before he became a proxy he would constantly get bullied by people like that and seeing others act the same way only reminds him of those bullies, so if you two ever encounter people like that he's always quick to take your side on it and get you away from them. He even hates some of the pastas because they can be like that too and it bothers him a lot because their actions are really unnecessary.

If you ever ended up getting lost somewhere new he would focus all of his time on finding you or getting you to someplace familiar because he hates seeing you upset and also doesn't want you to be in danger. He wants you to feel reassured that he'd have your back.

He also goes out into the woods often so if you ever feel like it he'll bring you and let you look around while he does what Slender tells him, and if it gets dark and you two are still out he'll look at the stars with you with his arm around your back.

Toby really loves winter too, if it ever snows he loves to just randomly pull you outside and mess with you with the snow, but if you're having a more calm and settled day he'll probably make hot chocolate for you or bake something with you (even though he's not the best at cooking or baking so it'll most likely be chaos lmao) and then just look at the snow outside while drinking or eating with you.

NSFW:

I canon Toby as mostly vanilla too but he's fairly passionate during sex and will mostly definitely pamper your neck, leaving sloppy kisses and hickeys as he holds you in his arms and massages around your body and legs.

No matter who is topping or subbing he always has a thing for squeezing your thighs or your hips while holding your hand and its the sweetest thing especially when he groans in your ear and tries to pull you even closer to him.

He loves loves loves body worship so if you're ever having a hard day he loves to just lay you down and kiss all over your body to show his appreciation for you and you should probably just expect a bunch of bite marks on your body in the morning.

When the deed is done he loves to just hold you close against him and talk about random things with you if hes not too tired, will most definitely give you so many face kisses especially on the forehead and nose. He's just so happy he gets to have these kinds of experiences with you and is able to show you how much he appreciates you for being with him despite the shit he does.

There you go!! :) I hope you liked this matchup, and tysm I am having a good day despite feeling a bit sick but it's tolerable. I hope you're also having a great day and taking care of yourself. I enjoyed writing this a lot and learning about you, even if you think some of the parts in this matchup may be inaccurate.

<3

[diavolosthots]

Hi, sweetie! I wonder if you may write a headcanon about sinblings (undateables too if it's okay) with a crybaby darling. Like, she's weak and cries bc of that. Something made her extremely angry? She cries bc she can't do anything about it (abusive relationships in movies for example). A cat in a game died? She cries. Maybe the reason of this are in her parents. Even if they love her, they argue, which is scary and make her cry. Thanks, have a nice day!

Hey love! I'm going to be honest:

!Warning! Before I answer this, I want you to know that I try to stay as true to the being "demon" as possible. So some of these answers are not wholesome.

THE BROTHERS + UNDATEABLES reacting to a crybaby MC

Lucifer:

It doesnt fly with him. First of all, as much as he promised Lord Diavolo, he cant protect you from literally everything. Second of all, hes on the verge of begging for a demon to eat you. He knows not all humans are like this, so why in the world are you? On the off chance that it doesn't bother him to the moon and back, he'll manipulate you through your vulnerability to his every desire instead.

Mammon:

He took it as an opportunity at first. "The great Mammon jumping to your rescue" but he quickly became overwhelmed and he could feel himself turn from hero to villain in his own story. He cant even handle himself; save himself. How in the hell would he save someone else? Constantly, too.

Leviathan:

Make it stop. Make it stop! Why are you crying? Literally nothing happened? So what, he raised his voice at another game! Its not the end of the world and quite honestly it's getting annoying as, dare he say, hell! Just stop! He gets angry, frustrated; those are his least favorite types of people. He already whines a lot himself, he cant handle someone actually crying.

Satan:

He tries to understand, he really does. But you're such an easy target and God if your tears dont bring some sick pleasure to him. At first, he mightve been concerned, but as time went on, it became a game to him. You didnt think you could survive in the Devildom with no backbone, did you?

Asmodeus:

Another one who'd use it to his advantage. Come to Asmo for comfort; for talk and wandering hands at your most vulnerable. He will use your instability to his advantage. Will make you rely on him and the worst part? You know what hes doing, but you wont be able to save yourself.

Beelzebub:

In some way, it hurts his nonexistent heart, and he does try to comfort you a lot, but he cant help the annoyance he feels. He wouldn't voice that, of course, not when he knows you'd just cry again. But it shows in his actions. His words would become less comforting, his hugs not as tight anymore; it's almost as if hes losing interest.

Belphegor:

Much like Satan, he finds some sick pleasure in it. That is, at least, if he cares enough to pay attention to every single time you cry in the first place. And much like Levi, if it interrupts his sleep, he might also raise his voice. Its not in a demons nature to be sympathetic.

Diavolo:

He wanted to be nice. To be peaceful. To tolerate it. But everyone has a breaking point and he was inching closer to his own every day, with every passing tear, every incident that arose. He shouldve never brought you here. It was bothersome and interrupting his every day. This was more trouble than it was worth and he has no problem switching you out with someone who can actually... Survive.

Barbatos:

Unlike the façade he shows around Diavolo, he actually does not have a lot of patience, and is quick to grow tired of your antics. He doesnt have time to wipe away your tears at any given moment and if you were just a random human, he would've devoured you a long time ago; wouldve fed you to either himself or Cerberus a long time ago.

Simeon:

He's your best shot. The one who protects you and comforts you from anything; quite literally an angel. He cares about you; about all of God's creation, and he wants you to be strong and be sensitive. It's not a sign of weakness, it's strength. And until you realize your own strength, he will be your strength for you.

Solomon:

Interesting. He'll analyze you, try to figure out whats wrong and dive deep into your psyche. He's not the world's best comforter, but his arms are open and hes good at distractions. Sure, the Devildom can be scary, but humans have to stick together in a world full of demons.

[sepialunaris]

Besides the crazy stupid plot twist and dumb character actions I think the big problen why Jurassic World is a failure of a narrative is that it constantly confuses its own tone and what idea it wants to convey. And as a whole it just sounds like singing praises to capitalism and pinning problems on other aspects instead of the root of the problem.

So JW is said to have been open for 15 years, and its said people are bored with classic InGen retrosaurs hence initiating the creation of Indominus, and yet from the other perspective people are enjoying the retrosaurs just fine? It is not even hinted a bit that they did not not enjoy them besides that bit of exposition.

And our audience perspective character doesn't work. Gray and Zach seems to come from a middle-upper class family and yet they never visited the park for years despite having a family member as a high level staff? Knowing their son is obsessed with dinosaurs? And the only reason they were sent there was because it was an excuse to cover up their parent's divorce? In the case of Darius Bowman from CC it makes sense, but this is weird. It's kind of nitpicky, but okay my point is, what makes them ineffective is that they are new eyes to the park and Zach cannot represent "ahh ppl who already seen this many times get inspired to see the beauty of ugly 1993 retrosaurs" because he has never been there either. So its just weird to include their POV when it deosnt complement the Indominus narrative and if it does it feels forced and loose.

And its more bizarre when the movie seems to be more obsessed with showing "oh my god look at this capitalist paradise! John Hammond's gentrification deeam fulfilled!" and panning on random buildings and starbucks with the Jurassic Park theme. Besides "do you have dinosaurs in your dinosaur park" it just wooshes the anti-capitalist social commentary of JP, more crazy when its loads of product placement. I know that they did plan a panning shot with dinosaurs which would've been effective and narratively fitting rather than *pan to giant building* so idk why they even did that. And so idk if this movie wants to criticize capitalism and consumerism combined with the privatizing of the genetics could give way to ethical and environmental issues or do they want to say "god powers are allowed for capitalists if they are nice" (ahh and based on leaks for JWD, its the latter. They made John Hammond a messiah for protecting his unethical business from the 'bad capitalists' omg)

There's also the issue of 'authentic' dinosaurs (hence why I keep mentioning retrosaurs from the start 😂, i want to talk about this too). The scene with Wu and Masrani works, but ultimately the whole movie fails it. It is lifted from one of the few good scenes from the oroginal movel with Wu and Hammond, and concerns about how ALL dinosaurs from this park are genetic hybrids from the start. And well it would've worked well to explore the ethics and capitalism approach but honestly with the whole movie as comparison it just sounds like "guys this is the reason why they are not realistic and feathered please dont ask us about it again." The fact that they are hybridized retrosaurs get ignored and thrown under the rug besides that one scene, and we never again explore how unnatural all of them are as the movie time to time again keeps promoting a division between "legit" dinosaurs and Indominus, the character Lowery keeps pushing. And the latter... aslo shows how much they want to praise the first park and John Hammond despite it being a metaphor of capitalism failing from wanting to conquer nature, despite it being the exact same thing as modern JW. "They didnt need these hybrids they only had real dinosaurs" is already an errornous statement since all of them were frog hybrids, so if its wrong... what was the point of bringing it up? JP didn't just fail because Dennis Nedry sabotaged it, it was bound to fail for its attempt to control nature as Ian said. However JW attributes the singular creation of Indominus as the reason for its failure (and by attribute hoo boy how many plotholes did they engineer to pin it the blame. Suddenly it knows its being thermally monitored? Or does it just releases electromagnetic energy to make ppl around it dumb or jam cellphones, god im rambling), and if they continued making retrosaurs it would've been fine? So what was the message? "Its okay to mix dinosaur dna with frogs but don't add to much to the mixture"? "Its okay to play god with capitalism but dont go too far"? Instead of mentioning both concepts as unethical and the concept of Indominus as an already flawed concept pushed even more unethically, the increasing level of tolerance for playing god already shows a shift of morals from the JP and JW. So once again its 'capitalism is actually good, its just the evil ppl thats the problem'

It honestly just erases the brilliant potential of how that narrative could be engaged. Of course its obvious the park would want to promote their retrosaurs as legit and Indominus as a different flavor despite both being hybrids but the latter being pushed to the max, so both of them are bound to have intersecting problems. However not everyone would've been fooled by such promotion. And yet from our POV only Wu was aware of it; the view of them as retrosaurs is treated as an understatement to be ignored as we are only allowed to see things and agree with opinions from the POV of Lowery or the kids against Hoskins' cartoony "lets convince our president to use dinos to steal oil" idea.

It could've honestly touched on many aspects of de-extinction or concepts like the Chickenosaurus, as well as the complex moral dillema around many genetic issues, but the movie just wants to shy away from it and impose a black and white morality of "Indominus bad unnatural" and "retrosaurs good natural." Not unnesary military commentary that doesn't work (dinosaur's effect in the environment would be more devastating than them acting as military weapons so pro-US imperialists can be proud (one bullet will kill them, I swear yeah ik this is a 'scifi' franchise, but the logic hoops you need to jump from that. One raptor died from getting hit by a rocket launcher as they should. So what US wants to use these bags of flesh as weapons to steal oil? There is nothing they can do that dogs or dolphins can't do better). The only time its kinda shown is when Indominus is killing Apatosaurus for fun, but... real animals like humans, dolphins, chimps do that too. And the movie treats this as something unnatural or makes it evil. Scorpios rex despite being ugly actually accomplishes the ecological horror of having an invasive creature invade an ecosystem (despite the ecosystem itself alr being flawed and superficially created) and being able to reproduce through parthenogenesis). And I doubt they would touch on this in JWD despite the variance of animals they will show, as even Atrociraptor is not going to be called out by name in that film, that they can change its name in post production.

[shinymooncolor]

It’s Thursday, I’ve got a long weekend - so here’s a new sweater weather chat!

@lumosinlove is the mastermind behind these hilarious characters. I just play around and pretend my life is half as exciting as these guys’ lives are.

@wxlfstxrx and @siriuslyqueer are my best bro’s and always support my crazy ideas with no hesitation. 🙏🏻

If you have prompts - let me know! 👀

Sweater weather chat #4

Dumo panics. Celeste is disappointed. Tyler’s mom is thirsty. Logan has heard too much. Leo is scolded. Kuny is hungover. Nado has been dumped. He is also the king of nicknames. Walker brags. We spend another Sunday in the bat cave. I want to live there now.

———-

Wednesday, 4.32 pm

Nadotheman: @talkiewalkie I’m now at a record 8200 viewers for my live workout. 💪🏻👀

Talkiewalkie: whatever. I’m still more ripped than you.

Russiangod: I read blog. I think old ladies like

Tylerthemighty: my mom asked for your number. 61 y/o divorcee. Her book club wants to come to next match. I gave them tickets 🤓🤓🤓🤓

Eliascookie: 😂 thirsty housewives

Prongstar: nado got them old ladies. Sure you could learn a thing or two!!

Nadotheman: I am epic and my sexual encounters are epic

Russiangod: 5 minutes epic? Americans are strange

Siriously: savage

Nadotheman: fuxk off Evwhiny, Not my fault you’ve struck out for three fucking months. Remmy gotta worry about that wrist of kun(t)y’s

Fruitloops: leave me out. Also @prongstar stop changing my name.

Fruitloops changed their name to remuslupin

Prongstar changed remuslupin to fruitloops

RussianGod: not three month. Ur mom here last week. Show her good time.

Timmyforrealz: 😂😂😂 fucking got you there Nado.

Nadotheman: I hate you all. And he didn’t fuck my mom he’s scared of her. Bitch

DumoDad: language. And fruit loops is cute.

——-

Saturday 11.27 am

Dumodad created a group.

Dumodad named the group: grabby teen boy alert.

Dumodad added: talkiewalkie, newt-leo, carbo’hara, loganTremblayzzz, nado the man, RussianGod

Dumodad: first of all. This group does not exist. You know nothing. Celeste must not know anything.

Newt-leo: dumo you alright?

Dumodad: No! drove Adele to the mall. She said she was going out with friends. When I got home Celeste says it’s a date. She is 14?!?!?! My baby is in the mall with a perverted football player called Chuck? Someone has to go to the mall. NOW. I will give you my 1954 Stanley cup game puck. I cannot leave. Celeste has me under strict supervision.

CarbO’Hara: were already at the mall. @nadotheman got dumped so we’ve gone to watch a movie.

Nadotheman: I was not dumped. I ended things. I don’t get dumped.

RussianGod: she said sex was fine. She not call back. You were dumped also she winked at me when she tied shoes. Also u want buy her stuff. She just using u. Better off no girls. Poor baby Nado.

Nado the man: traitor. I didn’t sleep with that fan you took back to the hotel in philly or tell on you. So what they’re using me? I get more action than the rest of you babies combined. (Not you Dumo, don’t think I haven’t noticed those scratch mArks)

DumoDAD: I married well. Go back to rescuing my girl from that deprived creep. A footballer. Of all the idiots in that school and she chooses a footballer. Merde.

Logantremblayzzz: NO! DONT TALT ABOUT THAT he’s like my dad 😫😫😫

RussianGod: grow up. Where u think 4 baby come from? 🍆🍆🍆

DumoDAD: go back to looking for my daughter and leave my (active) sex life out of it

Talkiewalkie: @russiangod you dog!! Roadie one nighter. I’m so proud. Also go dumo!!!!

Nado the man: she was hot. No idea how he got her. Also @talkiewalkie like you’ve ever had the balls for a one nighter

Talkiewalkie: @nadotheman back off man, you’re just a baby compared to my epic sexual history

Nadotheman: @talkiewalkie huh you didn’t even play the v-card until you were 17

Talkiewalkie: @nadotheman not true. That was my first fan. V-card was my JUNIOR prom with the head cheerleader (she was totally a senior)

Dumodad: @walkietalkie no one cares you lost your virginity in the back of a Buick. My daughter is out there with a BOY. ALONE.

Talkiewalkie: @dumodad wrong username and it was a CAMRY and she was a SENIOR

LoganTremblayzzz: were at the mall. Finn and Leo scouting food hall. I’m covering first floor. @nadotheman any luck on second floor?

RussianGod: someone having sex in the bathroom

Logantremblayzzz: @newt-leo @CarbO’Hara behave. Also don’t leave me out.

Newt-leo: she’s in the food court. Also @russiangod they’re not having sex they’re fighting

Dumodad: IS HE TOUCHITN MY NAB GIRLv

Newt-leo: stress texting? Calm down they’re just talking

Newt-leo: okay he’s got his arm around her

CarbO’Hara: abort abort she saw us

—-

Saturday 11.54 am

Adele: MAMA! Leo and finn and kuny are stalking me. You promised not to tell dad. Charlie is terrified and he wants to leave and he didn’t ask me to prom

Mama: sorry mon Cherie. Your dad is in big trouble. Please call me

——

Saturday 12.01 pm

Carb’OHara: @russiangod just got scolded by guard for sitting without a tray and Adele is yelling at him too 😂😂😂😂😂😂

*pic of kuny sitting looking guilty while tiny Adele is shouting*

Dumodad: gentlemen. Why is my daughter calling me, crying cause you scared off her date? I don’t care what my imbecile of a husband has told you. You are all going home and you are all going to think about this. And NO DESSERT FOR ANY OF YOU. I am sorry you got dumped @nadotheman. @talkiewalkie don’t brag about losing your virginity in a car.

Saturday 2.43 pm

Logantremblayzzz: shit! Celeste is furious. Dumo is def sleeping on the couch. Oh fuck. She’s grounded him 😂 this is hilarious.

RussianGod: 😛

Logantremblayzzz: don’t have to worry about baby #5. He’s in the dog house for a month 😂😂😂

Dumodad: she wasn’t kidding. I’m banished to the couch for the foreseeable future. Don’t think you’re not in trouble, Logan. She wants to talk to you now.

RussianGod: nice knowing u Logan.

DumoDAD: 😬🙏🏻🥺😫

—

Saturday 3.44 pm

Celeste: Leo, I am very disappointed.

I expected this from the others but I thought you were better.

Leo: I’m so sorry!!

——-

Sunday 11.34 am

Kuny: my head hurts. I need food

Nado: it’s your own fault dumbass. Chucking vodka like it’s fucking water. Not gonna feel bad for ya

Kuny: I was homesick. U not feel bad today?

Nado: nah I can handle my liquor, you sad excuse for a Russian. What if I told your fellow countrymen you’re currently whining like a baby...

Kuny: I drink better than u. No one believe that.

Kuny: need water pleas. Also want fries

Kuny: pleas i pay.

Nado: stop texting me, I’m trying to watch a movie. Also you’re disturbing my sexting go away

Kuny: who u sext? Girl from bar? Pretty one or scary one?

Nado: I’m not telling you and maybe it’s both. Also quit texting me. Can’t keep this clever dirty talk up when I have to deal with your whining.

Kuny: I can help

Nado: you’re not helping me fucking sext now go back to sleep you big baby

Kuny: stupid also don’t wank with door open

Nado: then go fucking close it you ungrateful dick. Also you know wank but sergei and I had to sit there and help you fucking answer interview questions. Your little game of pretending not to know English is sad. Also your whole “baby face Russian giant with cute accent” bit is getting old.

Kuny: my accent is cute and I know wank cause walker told Me. Am not ungrateful u are. I not tell team lots of things

Nado: oh don’t even go there.

Kuny: I thought u busy sexting

Nado: u fucking ruined it ok. Are you clothed? I’m coming in there now.

Kuny: not naked also u lie about sexitng girls. He he. now bring me food. And Diet Coke.

Nado: ungrateful fucking hungover Russian waste of space. I hate you.

Kuny: u love me. Bring more blanket for room we can make fort and see Disney. I like little green eye

Nado: ordered some French fries and shakes now. In season. So naughty. Also We’re not watching monsters inc again. You’ve got a weird obsession with that film. Moana or the Scottish one.

Kuny: rude. Ok. Just bring food and blanket.

——

“You’re such an ungrateful roomie, scoot over you big lump. You’re hogging my blanket”

“No am not. U love me - DONT TOUCH MY CURLY FRIES”

“Funny you can speak English when people are stealing your food. Stop yelling. I don’t love you. I tolerate you”

“Shut up. Funny chicken, look like peanut When he drink”

“I’m telling him you said that”

——

Did they build a massive blanket fort in their epic cinema/game room? You bet. Does drunk Leo look like the chicken from Moana? I think he does.

[queenofwerewolves]

Oh oh!! What about Cinderella? :D

Favorite thing about her?: The ability to stay kind even to those who wronged and abused her, Im very vengeful and aggressive, I would never had tolerated her family the way she did, and she even forgave them in the end, truly a golden heart.

Least favorite thing about her?: Honestly? Same statement from above, I think her stepsisters and stepmother deserved SOME kind of punishment, they dont even deserve her forgiveness in my opinion, she let them scott-free just like that.

Do I like her movie?: WHO DOESNT? I love both the animated version and the live-action one!

Favorite outfit she wears?: The big sparkly blue dress from the live-action movie

Favorite song from her movie?: BIBBITY-BOBBITY-BOO

Favorite animal (or human) friend she has?: The mice! I forgot their names tho

Which trait of her personality do I most see in myself?: Cleaning and organizing pro

How would I rate her prince?: Blind as fuck, didnt ask her name before she left, but believed something was wrong in the third movie and jumped out of a fucking window for his wife. 7/10

Where does she rank on my top 10 favorite princesses?: probably... 7th

[nxsmss]

movies I watched in March

I made some changes about how I will post these. first of all, I won't be adding the cast and plot because I'm too lazy, sorry. second, I added if I would watch the movie again, and lastly I'm gonna post my reviews every week because doing it monthly makes the list too long imo

wonder woman

finding ohana

the lost city of z

promising young woman

the last sharknado: it's about time

secret society of second born royals

sentinelle

captain america civil war

doctor strange

guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

deadpool

instant family

spiderman homecoming

deadpool 2

rock it

groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yes day

the amazing spiderman

mulan (2020)

happy death day 2U

contagion

jumanji

thor ragnarok

guns akimbo

black panther

infinity war

1. wonder woman

okay, first of all it's an amazing movie there's no doubt in that but there are just two tiny things that are bugging me and maybe it's just because it's a DC movie and my dad basically punched it into me to be a marvel fan since I was 10. so, i did not like those shots were the characters were either falling because of a punch or jumping several hundred meters. it just looks weird and unnatural in my opinion. and the other thing... could they give her any less clothing?!?! I know it's very comic accurate but c'mon

7.5/10

would I watch it again? probably ya

2. finding ohana

this was such a cute fun little movie. i really enjoyed. it's kinda like 'journey to the center of earth' just made for today's generation and it made me feel a little nostalgic. I fuxking loved ioane's throwing up noises

8/10

would I watch it again? hm I'm gonna go with yes

3. the lost city of z

its a good movie, i can't deny that and I should definitely give it a higher rating but I thought it was like this exciting adventure movie, which it wasn't, it is based on real events and I didn't know that starting this movie. what didnt help, was that I was really tired when I watched it. I fell asleep for a bit and even my dad fell asleep, which kinda says a lot cause he never falls asleep during a movie (only if it's really late, which it wasn't. we finished it before 11)

I have to admit I think my rating would be a lot higher if I went into this movie with a different mindset!! I feel sorry only giving it 4 stars :(

4/10

would I watch it again? yes when I'm in the right mood

4. promising young woman

oh I liked this, I really did and I can recommend watching this. I did like the end, not cassie's end tho, but u like that they all kind got what they deserve. (little spoiler I was really rooting for ryan and him turning out to be an ass kinda crushed me a little)

8/10

would I watch it again? hm not sure

5. the last sharknado: it's about time

my friends hate me for watching all of these movies and tbh I hate myself too for doing so🤦🏻‍♀️ they are all so terrible!! and I have no idea if they do that on purpose or not, I really hope so. it's just so fucking bad that it's funny again. the plot is just stupid and we do not talk about the special effects. I cant really give a serious rating to this movie because it would have to be like a 0. but I feel like I cant rate it like that because I still fuckifn enjoyed watching it haha

I fucking lost it when fin pulled the sword out of the stone and it was a chainsaw

would I watch it again? yes and I hate myself for this answer

6. secret society of second born royals

fun little family movie, makes me wish I was a second born haha. it's good, there was a very very unexpected twist in this movie that neither me or my family saw coming. I just think it wasn't exactly my type

4/10

would I watch it again? nah

7. sentinelle

yea um.. it's a no from me. it was kinda really boring and it felt like there wasn't happening anything. it was supposed to be an action movie but there was hardly any action in it

2/10

would I watch it again? no

8. captain america civil war

another one of my favorite marvel movies

10/10

would I watch it again? yes

9. doctor strange

dont know what to say hahaha but if i could be a character in the mcu i would very much like it if i was a sorceress

9/10

would I watch it again? yes

10. guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

I think this is in general one of the least favourite movies in the fandom but I like it a lot. think i actually like it more that the first one and I love that we saw more of yondu in this, I really like his "powers" and the end was really sad.

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

11. deadpool + 14. deadpool 2

love love love the deadpool movies!!! can only recommend them. I like the second a bit more tho. what I was disappointed in, before it was released they made such a big deal about the rating saying "oh its gonna be so brutal and blah blah blah" and then, both of the movies are rated age 16+. I remember, for the first one I was so excited and then i watched it and i was like "well.. that wasn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be but okay

8/10

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yup

12. instant family

this is one of my absolute favorite movies ever. god I love it so much and the end always makes me cry (not in a sad way)

10/10 definitely

would I watch it again? YES

13. spiderman homecoming

I dont know what it is with me and this movie but I just dont really like it. I cant explain it. I'm also not the biggest mcu spiderman fan (sorry, please dont hate on me)

5/10

would I watch it again? yes if I'm doing a mcu rewatch but I don't think I would ever pick homecoming to watch when I'm bored

15. rock it

this has to be one of my favourite childhood movies (I dont even knowing I can say childhood, I was like 10 when it came out haha) I feel so sorry for all you non german speakers that cant enjoy this movie as much as i/we do. god I love it so much😂 and why the fuck isn't the soundtrack on spotify, I hate it

if you're german and you didn't watch this movie as a child I am very sorry for you.

I can already see myself watching "groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück" sometime soon🤦🏻‍♀️

10/10 (god I had to) actually no 9/10 because of the ending. I'd liked it more if they would have kicked her out of the school and they got the band back together

would I watch it again? duh

16. groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yup, I watched it. and I dont like it that I did because my aggression level was already high when I started and this movie did not help with it. the main actress is just no. I'm not sure if it's her or the character but I absolutely do not like her performance in this. argh it makes me want to break something. the songs slap tho!!

this movie is just straight up 1D fanfiction from 2013

4/10 but the songs are definitely 10/10 (they definitely got inspired by green day)

would I watch it again? ugh I hope not.

17. yes day

oh I loved this movie!! fun little family movie. it only has 5.7 stars on IMDb which i totally dont get, should be higher imo. loved seeing edgar ramirez in something other than an action/thriller kinda movie.

9/10

would I watch it again? yes but I don't think anytime soon

18. the amazing spiderman

aahh the feelings I got watching this movie. like I was 12 again... I love it and this movie. andrew garfield is my favorite spiderman and no one can change my mind.

9/10

would I watch it again? yup

19. mulan (2020)

I liked it. I don't know/remember the original disney movie so maybe that's why I like it. to me it feels like they got inspired by the original movie and made a version for (young) adults. it definitely didn't feel like a kids movie

5/10

would I watch it again? I think so yea

20. happy death day 2u

naahh I didnt like this one. the first one was good (I think, I dont remember) but this one was really boring. if it wasn't for my dad I would've stopped the movie half way through

1/10

would I watch it again? no.

21. contagion

it's a very good and interesting movie but tbh i was a bit bored towards the end but maybe that was just because of my mood

6/10

would I watch it again? hm, yea probably

22. jumanji

I'm not really a fan of Dwayne Johnson but I like/tolerate him in this haha. it's a fun adventure movie, I really like it, can recommend. when I watched it in theaters I didn't know nick jonas was in it and when he showed up my sister and I completely lost it

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

23. thor ragnarok

another one of my favorite marvel movie. I think definitely top 5. cinematography, soundtrack, jeff goldblum, everything is just 😚👌🏼 I just realised I really miss heimdall. such an underrated character and I wish he didn't die in infinity war

god the memories I get watching this movie. I think since ultron, my family and i have been to the premiere/the first screening, whatever, of every marvel movie and for some reason this was monday midnight, no idea why... but we went anyways. my mom drank 2 liters of cola, we were home again at like 3am and everyone had to get up by like 7 the next day because of school and work.

10/10

would I watch it again? hell yes haha

24. guns akimbo

wow. I gotta say I went into this with very low expectations but I was pleasantly surprised. nice fun action movie but it also made you think about some serious issues afterwards. I loved the camera work on most of the action scenes.

7.5/10

would I watch it again? yea maybe

25. black panther

it's a fucking masterpiece!!

10/10

would I watch it again? stupid question

26. infinity war

painful

10/10

would I watch it again? another stupid question

[tenshindon]

Zamasu or stinky fruit man Turles for the character meme? 👉👈

I will do both because thye’re my favorite villains HAHA

Zamasu

Give Me A Character and I Will Answer:

Why I like them:

He had... such good potential.... He had such an INTERESTING set up too!! Also he’s over dramatic LMAO LIKE SHUT UP YOU LITERAL FRUIT

Why I don’t:

Again, phenomenal potential gone to waste.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Love the episode where he becomes gooey Fused Zamasu- like it’s just a perfect metaphor for how corrupt he’s become and how far he’s fallen as he feebly attempts to justify his actions and fight for his cause.

Favorite season/movie:

I MEAN. HE ONLY SHOWS UP IN ONE SAGA SO.

Favorite line:

"Once again mortals imitate the gods, as they always do... And why is that? Because the gods are great? Because the gods are too beautiful?" -Dragon Ball Fighterz; Fused Zamasu’s introduction quote against Vegito 

He’s so dramatic shut UP you pompous prick but he Also appeals to the nihilistic part of my soul I Am Attempting To Bury :))

Favorite outfit:

It’s manga-exclusive BUT I adore his North Kai outfit!! It’s really neat and I wish we could see it in color!

OTP:

Him and himself?? I don’t know LMAO that’s the only person he could love.

Brotp:

Him and Gowasu- obviously canon divergent, but I just love the potential to explore their relationship and to see all of the possible outcomes. Especially the outcome where Gowasu was successful in tutoring Zamasu and they become close, thus leading Zamasu to lashing out against Goku Black when Gowasu is inevitably killed.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I Really Like A What If Scenario LMAO

Head Canon:

Not really a headcanon but kind of I guess? But Zamasu doesn’t like civilized mortal lives but has an appreciation for nature and non-destructive lifeforms (or at least is willing to tolerate them).

Unpopular opinion:

I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but Zamasu’s arc deserves a rewrite because I Have Said It Like Three Times Now there was so much potential and there was so many interesting concepts!!

A wish:

See above so I don’t repeat myself for the fourth time <3

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Keep Zamasu dead I swear to the heavens if you fuckers somehow bullshit him back into existence I will do a backflip.

5 words to best describe them:

Misguided deity obsessed with perfection

My nickname for them:

Fruit Boy

Turles

Give Me A Character and I Will Answer:

Why I like them:

He’s literally just evil Goku that’s so fucking funny to me. Also he’s just unapologetically evil like why is he like this <3

Why I don’t:

I don’t have anything against him he’s just an asshole and he’s proud to admit that LMAO- what a fun guy.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Him spinning Gohan around in the air like an American football will never Not be the funniest thing to me.

Favorite season/movie:

He appears in One Movie :)

Favorite line:

I haven’t watched the Tree of Might in years so I don’t remember anything he specifically said :))

Favorite outfit:

His Saiyan armor but With The Cape!!!

OTP:

No one really oops

Brotp:

AGAIN no one, really.

Head Canon:

I don’t really have any HC’s for my man sorry Turles :(

Unpopular opinion:

I don’t think there are ANY opinions about him honestly--

A wish:

It’d be hilarious if he came back into canon and the whole episode was just Turles running around town being a dick in the name of Goku- that’s all I could ever want. He never does anything too bad (okay he can level One (1) city) and after the gang realizes Turles is Not Goku Turles just leaves with the promise to come back (but then he never does).

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Don’t bring him back and have him be lame I don’t know that’s all I could ask for.

5 words to best describe them:

Fruit-obsessed Goku-lookin’ headass

My nickname for them:

Fruit Man, Turtle, and Evil Goku!