#i dont think i ever ‘hate’ drawing but i DO get extremely frustrated some times | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

amazingorangedangantrash · 3 years ago

Note

Excuse me Orange. I have seen the posts of Makoto interacting with class 77 and as much as I would love to hear about it I'm really curious about how a relationship with class 79 and Makoto would be. More specifically Makoto and Kokichi.

Yes this is because I can't get the fic "Rosemary" out of my head. In summary, Makoto loses his memories and becomes a counsellor at a school in Germany after meeting Rantaro and adopts Kokichi. Besties Rantaro and Makoto with the disaster child that is Kokichi.

Hello anon! Thank you ever so much for being so polite and patient with me :). This post has been a long time coming, and people have requested it ever since I made those class 77 headcanons. I put it off partly because I was worried I wouldn't do the V3 characterisation justice. I based a lot of this off the wiki info, so I highly encourage anyone to add their thoughts or counter if they think of something different!

(Also since pre-game personalities are basically non-existent outside of headcanons, this is based off their killing game personas)

Makoto is excited to greet another school year, and some underclassmen along with it! With all the... interesting characters (turned friends) he's encountered in both his own and the above year, he can only wonder what the new students will be like...

Kaede- out of all the protagonists, I'd say Kaede shares the most similarities with Makoto, moreso than his own sister. These two would definitely get along and make a great tag team- watch out Hope's Peak, because these two will have befriended you before you know it! Makoto definitely admires Kaede's straightforwardness and her optimistic nature. They act as great support for each other if tag teaming another person/persons, as Kaede is bolder then Makoto, whilst Makoto acts well as a medium. They're both extremely loyal, arguably to a fault. Both Kaede and Makoto have lied in a class trial to protective their friend (a detective each time too, lmao). Apparently she also lied for his sake in the demo, which is sweet. I feel like they'd connect well over their mutual optimism and kind hearts. I think Makoto would convince Kaede to step out of her comfort zone- socially, she's very bold, but she strays away from activities that could affect her piano playing (by hurting her fingers) and can waste away a lot of time in the practice room. She misses out on a lot of potentially fun activities that way. On an outing with some others, she accidentally cuts her finger, and whilst Makoto apologises and tells her she was right to be cautious, she waves him aside. Despite being unable to play the piano for a few days, she fills her time with other activities and it actually... doesn't bother her so much. As an 'ordinary person', Makoto helps a lot of talented students by opening their eyes to seeing that their identity doesn't revolve around their talents. In return, Kaede offers to teach Makoto whilst he spends time with her in the practice room. Whilst piano is her favourite, she knows how to play other instruments, and teaches Makoto the violin (maybe you think he'd play a different instrument but violins are my favourite so I'm going with that-). They even practice together, and whilst Kaede still practices nearly every day, she finds that it can actually be even more fun with company.

Shuichi- ah yes, yet another detective. Makoto was initially surprised that they'd accepted another Ultimate Detective, since there's normally only one ultimate at a time in the school (aside from Luck, which is decided each year with a raffle or draw or whatever). It's revealed that Shuichi is actually undergoing part of a new tutoring programme, in order to increase the number of people with talents especially useful to society. He's to be tutored by his upperclassman... *drumroll* Kyoko! Being close with Kyoko and with Kaede, Makoto sees a lot of Shuichi and befriends him too. He helps out with Shuichi's lack of confidence and feelings of inadequacy. Unlike Makoto, Shuichi has an obvious role model that he both aspires to and compares himself against. Unlike Kyoko, Shuichi is much more connected to and feels responsible for the people his detective work condemns. Whereas Kyoko is confident in her goal to obtain the truth, in totally neutrality, Shuichi is hesitant about it, unable to feel unbiased and take a neutral stand. Makoto convinces him this is a good thing, that feeling guilt is normal and is a sign of being a passionate and sympathetic soul. Shuichi doesn't have to be the kind of detective Kyoko is- sometimes that kind of compassionate and caring person is exactly the mindset people want. He also reassures Shuichi that as painful as the truth is, uncovering it means being able to eventually move on, and embrace hope. (He also tells Kyoko to maybe be a bit more... /welcoming/ in their lessons, and eventually Kyoko grows quite fond of her student, discovering a fondess for teaching she didn't know she had).

They're both very humble and polite, and whilst Makoto isn't reserved, he can be very passive. I think the two would appreciate having more of a calm relationship, typical of a 'normal' friendship that is often er- 'lacking' at Hope's Peak. With Kaede's help, Shuichi would open up to Makoto and others over time. I personally headcanon Shuichi to have an anxiety disorder and depressive bouts, so I think someone like Makoto would be a great support friend, for him to go to when he needs company and comfort, someone to listen and to understand, and vice versa to an extent. I like to imagine Makoto, Shuichi and Kaede often spend time together (with Hajime too protag gang ftw). Shuichi likes to study in the music room with them. He's already good at research, but the music actually helps him... enjoy it more. (Maybe he takes up an instrument too, to give him a hobby to focus on, hmm).

Kokichi- Kokichi Ouma. Kokichi Ouma... what do I even say? Trying to wrap my head around his character is like trying to clear the death road of despair in your first try. Still, I'll try my best!

I've seen a headcanon before (i dont remember by who, if you know lmk and I'll credit them) that Makoto via his unpredictable luck would be immune to Kokichi's pranks, and I think that'd set up a pretty good basis for their introduction. I think if Kokichi and Makoto had to describe the other in one word, it would be... "frustrating". At first glance, they're practically opposites- someone like Kokichi, who seems to breathe lies instead of air, and a person like Makoto, who's so honest and open it's almost stupid. Makoto doesn't like how Kokichi lies so much, even if it means people hating him. He almost seems to WANT people to hate him (I think he said once that honest people scare him more than strangers). Makoto has a tendency to break down even the most difficult characters (coughcoguuh class 78 coughcofuh), and that both scares but intrigues Kokichi. Makoto couldn't hate him if he tried (literally the only person he ever even /disliked/ was Junko. Not /hate/, but just /dislike/? Really???), and it frustrates Kokichi that Makoto is so willing to trust him and put faith in him. Makoto isn't blindly optimistic either, he genuinely believes in people, and I think Kokichi would feel envious towards being able to trust so... freely. Part of Kokichi's childish and carefee personality and his perchance for lies is the manifestation of his desire for freedom. If no-one knows what he's thinking, if no one can guess his moves, if no one can use emotions or weaknesses against him, and he can do whatever he wants, isn't that freedom? Except it isn't. By not letting his guard down and being honest with people, in a way, Kokichi's lies have left him trapped, unable to open up out of a fear of vulnerability. Whilst Kokichi would be initially suspicious of Makoto, maybe even distrustful of or uncomfortable around his personality, I think having such a grounded, honest individual whom he can /rely/ on would be... comforting. Kokichi would warm up to him, and see that with Makoto, what you see is what you get. He's above all else, a /genuine/ person, though certainly not an ordinary one, and Kokichi learns to respect and even admire that. Kokichi intentionally pushes people away to avoid expressing vulnerability, by being intentionally unlikeable, but even so I think he's lonely. Pushing away others isn't out of a true desire to be alone (it never is), but a defense mechanism. That tactic wouldn't work on Makoto, and so Makoto could become someone who Kokichi not only considers a friend, but who wholeheartedly returns the sentiment.

Makoto isn't sure what to think of Kokichi at first. He's heard so much about this terrifying new student, an overlord of a secret underground organisation with roots all over the globe... and yet the first time they meet Kokichi is trying to drop a bucket of custard on him. I don't think Makoto would like how Kokichi lies so much- especially about things like killing people or sending them away to never be seen again. It upsets him how Kokichi can joke about it, and how he seems to enjoy toying with people's feelings. When Makoto has a goal, he'll follow it through to the end, so when he's determined to break through Kokichi's walls... well, it's not easy at first. He's also willing to keep Kokichi company and give him attention and hear him out, which Kokichi admittedly likes. Whilst Makoto isn't a pushover, he's also not going to threaten Kokichi or retaliate with mean words, he genuinely listens and entertains Kokichi even though he knows Kokichi is messing with him, which is.. really nice, actually. Even if he tries he can't really shake Makoto that much (pls after all the other -weirdos- people he's met?). Like oh-? They have to duel to the death with yu-gi-oh cards? It's lucky Makoto brought his stack with him! Kokichi orders him to play tea party with him? He loved playing it with Komaru when she was younger and was sad when she stopped! Kokichi tricks him into eating a really gross weird food? How did you know that was a family favourite! Kokichi is fond of Makoto, and is desperate to keep Makoto's attention on him, whilst at the same time not wanting to reveal his true feelings, leading to plenty of complicated situations. Eventually they reach a breaking point (i love drama ok) and whilst Makoto doesn't lash out at him, exactly, he admits that maybe it's best he leaves Kokichi alone, believing that maybe Kokichi truly is content to be the way he is. It's this event that causes Kokichi to realise that Makoto really is someone he'd rather not hurt- that he doesn't just 'like' him but truly cares for him. From then on he tries to dial it down a bit, and Makoto comes to understand how Kokichi's lying and 'cruelty' stems from a place of insecurity and fear of trust. He promises to be a person Kokichi can trust, to show him that vulnerability doesn't have to mean gettint hurt. Whenever the two are around each other all kind of wacky hijinks are bound to ensure, really. Kokichi loves having someone around to not only give him attention, but want to as well, and Makoto enjoys how Kokichi is willing to spend time with and entertain him, pushing him and supporting him in ways that he didn't realise initially. They both find the other extremely interesting, and their encounters usually lead to significant changes in their relationship and mindsets.

I like to imagine they'd spend time playing games and fanboying together- Kokichi adores video games, and it always poses a challenge going against Makoto's luck, which is great for someone competitive as he is. Kokichi also seems a fan of the shounen genre, and 'basic' Makoto is the only other person in the school aside from Hifumi and Tsumugi to even watch anime so you know those two nerds geek out constantly. Kokichi likes to play other kinds of games with Makoto too- and they really like word games- especially two truths one lie. Makoto is... suprisingly good at it. He's pretty poetic, and his genuineness makes it hard to disbelieve him. Which makes it all the more fun when going against Kokichi!

Rantaro- how would these two describe each other in 5 words? "A breath of fresh air". They're both some of the "normal-est" in the school tbh. It's really great for both of them to have someone to do normal teen stuff with. They love going shopping together, hanging out at cafes and arcades. They actually meet when looking for a birthday present for their sister(s). They both reach for the same one before apologising and insisting the other have it. Rantaro insists Makoto take it, since, well, it's not like /his/ sister would get it anytime soon... confused, Makoto asks why and somehow Rantaro ends up confessing the whole thing about his sisters' disappearances, and how he always buys a present for each of their birthdays, waiting for the day when he can give them to them in person. (Pls why does this always end up with makoto counselling the students akdhsjsj-). Makoto could definitely sympathise, having a younger sister of his own. I think they'd bond over that "older brother" role they share, and Makoto would definitely help alleviate some of Rantaro's guilt. I like to imagine that Makoto, whilst being a 'typical teenage boy', also has a lot of feminine interests that he might be a bit insecure about. I love the idea of Rantaro encouraging him to embrace that (guy has like 12 sisters, he gave up feeling shy about makeup, nail polish, jewellery and dressing up in tiaras years ago). Rantaro is the first person to paint Makoto's nails and he loves it so much-!!! They go out for boba together and wear matching green nail polish pls its awesome. Rantaro also tells Makoto stories from when he was travelling and its also amazing- Makoto loves hearing all about it, and Rantaro is actually an incredible storyteller. Though Rantaro initially adventured to find his sister(s), he remembers why he loved travelling in the first place, and he's able to look back fondly on those memories that used to be clouded with the despair of his sisters' disappearance. They even go on vacation together to a tropical island at some point (maybe with friends). I'd like to say Makoto's luck might even lead to them finding one of the sisters, but maybe that's a bit too coincidental ahaha.

Miu- hmm. I think Makoto would be a little put off at first by her vulgarity and very openly sexual and crude behaviour. It's not that he dislikes her, he just isn't really sure... how to react around her? Her and Kaede don't get along, and Makoto often finds himself playing peacemaker when he stumbles upon their arguments. To his surprise, though, she seems to actually... like it when they fight? In fact- she seems to like it when people give her the time of day at all, really. Maybe she's just... lonely? And well, she can be a bit... um- /obnoxious/, but she can't be that bad! Making him go to see her weird (weird) inventions, that must be her way of reaching out and trying to spend time with him, right?

And then she starts calling him "Ma-crap-to", "Naegidiot", "Makusoto", and "Na-unchi"

nevermind she sucks

Makoto, with his saintly patience, would probably end up getting closer to her similar how Shuichi does in his FTEs. (I'll be honest there's not much difference I can think of akdjsjjssksj-)

Kaito- Kaito! Who doesn't love Kaito. It's no secret Kaito thinks himself the centre of the Universe (insert space joke here haha)- he's the protagonist of his own life, and luckily for him, Makoto fits quite nicely into the sidekick role. Both of them are passionate, with big hearts and strong spirits. Kaito is really good at seeing through people too- (idk how accurate this is but apparently in the wiki it says he sees that Nagito isn't interested in his talent or him as a person so much as him as a symbol). Whilst Makoto obviously has a lot of respect and admiration for all the talented students, I feel like it's a lot more... genuine? In a way that he can appreciate the person behind the talent, more than the talent itself. Kaito is someone who likes to inspire people and I think this would resonate with him. I think the two could seriously get along! They're both hopeless (haha) romantics and stupidly optimistic lmao. Kaito can be a little hotheaded at times, so I also like the idea that Makoto could calm him down, or at least reel him in a bit. He's stubborn when it comes to... um.. certain types of people (kokichi) so maybe Makoto could open his mind a bit.

Maki: MAKI ROLLLL. Ok I'm sure she'd probably have to hide her talent until it all came out at some point. I think Makoto is someone who's very against killing (even Junko he believed there was a better way for), so whilst he wouldn't agree with her talent, I think he wouldn't hold it against Maki, especially because he's very good at separating person from talent. Makoto is very understanding, and I think that like with Kaito, he would try to befriend her and open her up. He'd probably feel bad for her, not knowing what a "normal" life was like, so he'd try his best to do that. I think Maki in turn would appreciate that, and slowly get to know him like she did with Kaito and Shuichi. (She also likes complaining to him about Kaito lmao).

(he also takes her out for sushi so she can see for herself what a harumaki is LOL)

I'm sorry anon, this is as far as I could go aksnjjssj. When I feel up to it I'll try and make a part 2 to this, but I hope this is good for now?

(Also that fic sounds awesome and I'll definitely have to read it at some point)

#makoto naegi #v3 #drv3 #makoto + class 79 #anon #my post

37 notes · View notes

snkpolls · 4 years ago

Text

SnK Chapter 134 Poll Results

The chapter poll closed with 1747 responses. This month’s poll results were brought to you by /u/_Puppet_, /u/berthototototo, /u/staraves and @momtaku.

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,675 Responses

Chapter 134 “Depths of Despair” was another solid chapter with an average rating of 4.52, making it the highest rated chapter of the volume and 15th highest since we started keeping records.

The art was incredible

The best chapter in the volume, bar none.

it was really fucking cool and a definite step up from Chapter 133. This chapter does well to inform you that we *are* at the final battle now, and nothing is stopping this story from crashing to a sudden end pretty damn soon.

This chapter, like every other in the volume, feels like it was stretching. I was actively bored reading it. With so few chapters left, does Isayama really have time to stretch this much? He has so many loose ends to tie up and it's concerning. He obviously wanted a volume cliffhanger with the alliance facing Eren so I hope that his pacing next volume is much tighter because this ain't it, chief

This has easily become one of my favourite chapters in the while manga. [...] Overall, it's as good as 112, 122, 131 and other popular "masterpieces" in my opinion

Bruh I have been waiting for this so long and Isayama fucking DELIVERED. I was so worried with all the build-up and sometimes sloppy pacing that the final Eren vs Alliance showdown wouldn't live up to the hype but NOPE, it was amazing and beyond expectations. The moment where the refugees realize that Paradis forces had come to save them?? Gold. Beautiful. 10/10. Isayama I am sorry for ever doubting you, you are a god and I am thankful for your existence.

Rank this chapter a 5 for the Source of All Organic YEEKS.

Is there any button to press in order to rate this chapter 20/10?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,692 Responses

It was a very close race, but “the crowd attempting to save the baby” ultimately came out on top and once again demonstrated the fanbase’s affinity for despair… or was it hope this time? In a close second comes Armin’s cliffhanger question to Eren, third place going to Reiner stomping the Beast Titan, which beat the rumbling scenery across the world by a single vote, which beat seeing the final audio by a single vote. If the extremely close results mean anything, this chapter certainly had something for everyone.

The crowd lifting the baby to safety is an image that will leave a permanent mark on me. I don’t have words to describe that scene.

Honestly, each goddamn panel is impacting, exciting or badass. I love the Historia scene, the chaos and destruction left me speechless, Karina and Mr. Leonhart's reflexion was heartbreaking, as well as the Marleyan general's.

“That Fucking Monkey!”

Reiner Helos was the most hype part of the chapter.

I could never really decide what’s my favorite scene or anything, it’s all just amazing.

as an eren stan it was rly brutal and eye opening to actually see all the innocent people and kids dying, overall it was a great chapter, just very gruesome

Reiners armored body slam and Levi’s monkey comment were best moments. Really appreciated seeing the worlds POV one more time.

I loved Reiner's moment but otherwise boring chapter.

I loved armin in this chapter he finally looks like hes acting as a commander.hopefully we will get more of this.

I love how much of other countries we get to see through rumbling, it helps to show more details for the wolrd building.

I liked Levi calling Zeke a “Big, furry bastard”.

We finally see Eren's new titan for doing something other than moving forward, and the beast titan scene was epic.

i cried when i saw the families saying goodbye. seeing eren as the founding titan hurts too.

Amazing. Literally lost for words. The last panel with Armin was so emotional/amazing. His character growth is phenomenal. Cannot wait for the next one

The tower guard's words were too much but I LOVED the moment with the baby on the cliff. I wasn't expecting something like that.

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER'S MVP? 1,669 Responses

As well as earning the favorite moment this month, the crowd at the cliffs also scored a collective MVP, showing that teamwork does indeed make the dream work. Closely coming in second is Reiner, no doubt from his valiant attack on the Beast Titan, and in third place is the commander of the alliance, Armin.

ARMIN GOAT

I love reiner so much :D

CHADERENFTW

The final pages just shows why i love Armin so much

Karina's regret was one of best parts of this chapter.

Reiner such a badass.

Wow just wow, the crowd, the alliance with their shit together (for the most part) can’t wait to see how this ends

WE SEE HISTORIA AGAIN! FOR ONE PAGE… THOUGHTS ON HER GOING INTO LABOR? 1,666 Responses

28 months since we last saw Historia in the present time, and now we finally see her again. But is this one page worth the wait? 36.6% are glad that this plot point is finally coming back, 33.1% are glad to see her but wish we’d gotten her side of the story, 12.3% are glad it seems to be a real pregnancy, and 11.6% are done with Isayama’s handling of her in the story.

I thought she was only like five months pregnant.

i hope she survives this :(

I just want this subplot to be over.

It's alright? I still wish she would have joined the scouts in the final battle instead of the pregnancy tho…

I'm so disgusted by the whole Historia situation. The execution of this plot point was abysmal from the beginning and I hate it

None of the above options square with how I feel. Historia's perspective (in addition to Eren's) is being set up as the final "basement"; so while I can see why some are frustrated, it has actually piqued my interest to see where this may end up

EH is endgame

EreHisu would ruin the manga

Each chapter I become increasingly pessimistic about Historia as a character. In the beginning of this chapter when we got the close-up of her eyes as she closed them in pain, I was certain the next page would have her inner monologue as she thought back on how she got into this position. But instead it cuts away, us seeing absolutely nothing from Historia, and I'm back to thinking she really has no agency anymore. Even if she is super important in the ending and a pivotal player in determining the state of the world after the rumbling, it won't be worth what she's been reduced to. To be fair, she was in one scene in Return to Shiganshina, no scenes in Marley arc, and this arc... well, we know how she's been treated. So maybe I should have seen this coming, but it was still disappointing for Isayama to hint that she will have a role this arc like in Uprising arc, only for that to be a breeding machine.

Why Historia was crying when she was having a child?

She finally is realizing the regret of the pregnancy decision and that she once again chose something she didn't necessarily want to do.

her life was always miserable and I don't believe that she will get some ray of light. She was the happiest when she had Ymir by her side. Now, even if she survives and has her child with her, she will always feel the heavy weight of her decision and the blood of millions innocent people will always stay on her hands.

I'm dropping the series after this. It just hurts seeing a queer-coded character like Historia constantly being beaten and reduced to literally nothing. First it was Ymir's death. Then Zeke's plan that involved her having children to be eaten by them (WHY NOT HAVE ZEKE IMPREGNATE WOMEN? WHY MUST IT BE THE QUEER FEMALE CHARACTER?? WHO'S ALSO THE QUEEN?). Then all the talk about her as a mere breeder, as a not-so-walking womb. Then the awful, awful ship-tease with Eren. Then her not opposing Eren's plan?? This is just it. I was holding onto the fake pregnancy, but now I envy the people who dropped the series once they saw the first panel of her pregnant.

I am tired of Tumblr crying over Historia. You are taking this pregnancy plot way too seriously. Newsflash: women don't automatically lose their agency when they get pregnant, kinda problematic of you to think that's what's going on. Historia has a plan and we will hear it

I think this may be a HUGE death flag for her. I mean if he can kill Sasha off with a gun says who histortia can’t be killed off by child birth?

I DONT WANT HER TO DIE

Historia gets what she deserves. She agreed to help Eren and now A LOT of innocent mothers and children is losing their lives in the rumbling. Historia has their blood on her hands and she won't be free from it. I don't feel sorry for her, at all.

If there's any character, besides Eren, who has humanity's blood on their hands, it's Historia, and her labor acting as a prelude to the moment that will decide the fate of humanity is incredibly poetic.

Hisu's baby is definitely having a titan inherited. So someone with titan powers will die in the final battle.

Don’t care about her

Well I guess she aint faking it after all

She's committing to the bit. There's no baby, it's all an act

WHO IS THE FATHER AAAAAAAAAA

Why did she want this child?

...all i can think is why does yams draw mouths/teeth like that? it’s so weird...

WHICH OF THE NEW LOCALS HAVE YOU FOUND MOST INTERESTING? 1,669 Responses

We get to see new corners of the earth… just before seeing them crushed. 37.3% found the cliffside of chaos to be the best, 31.3% enjoyed seeing Onynakopon’s London-esque homeland, and 23.9% enjoyed the scenery of the shrines in what could be Hizuru.

the panel with the people praying in the shrine was amazing also the cliff, these rumbling chapters are really dark yet visually beautiful (maybe I'm sick for finding it beautiful lol). "

The Titans drove Pennywise off that cliff

I really liked how it shows the different places where the rumblings is effecting like the Snk London etc

I’m a little confused about the timeline and placement of the cliffs and where the Titans are. Can someone explain how the Titans were seen pushing people off the cliff sides (also how were so many people herded into the middle of nowhere to be shoved off the cliffs?) and then also seen heading toward the fleeing Eldian/Marleyans? Are those two different places, a montage, etc? Do we suspend some disbelief to take in the apocalyptic scene of people falling from the cliffs into the sea? The opening scenes had me a bit turned around.

These shots where absolute nightmare fuel and they did an amazing job at showing how horrifying this situation is

HOW DO THE DEPICTIONS OF THE RUMBLING IN THIS CHAPTER, INCLUDING THE CROWD HOLDING THE BABY AWAY FROM THE CLIFF, RANK IN TERMS OF DARK MOMENTS INVOLVING CHILDREN? 1,652 Responses

Let’s just rename the series “In the Depths of Despair”. 39.2% think this chapter ranks near the top of the darkest moments in the series, 28.1% think Ymir’s daughters cannibalizing their dead mother is the darkest, while 19.1% hold to the other incredibly dark rumbling chapter we got with Ramzi and Halil.

All are equally dark.

Eternal winner is Udo trampled to death by a crowd while trying to save crushed Zofia

Every scene of children's deaths are all gruesome. Not one tops each other.

the mother throwing her baby away hoping to save them made me feel something and it broke my heart

I didn't think the cliff scene was that dark tbh, it was actually faintly uplifting. Though I also felt that way after reading chapter 131, so maybe I think that about any tragedy Isayama depicts.

Kruger saw his entire Family burn to death

It's a dark moment but I also think it's sort of hopeful, that humanity isn't completely fucked and they're all eager to try save this child rather than let it fall and die.

The entire imagery of masses of people barely hanging for their lives at the edge of a cliff is so abyssmal and daunting. This is seriously peak bleakness SnK. I still can't believe that there are people that support Eren after this.

he opening panels of the Rumbling were some of the most horrifying so far, especially the one with the baby.

This was, to me, possibly the single most powerful moment in the ENTIRE series -- and that's not something I say lightly.

Very little about this manga shocks me anymore. This moment is really no worse or better compared to every other disturbing scene

All the above are horrendous. I cannot choose.

TV Tropes has an entry called Darkness Induced Audience Apathy and that pretty much sums up my feelings at this point. Everything is so unrelentingly bleak and miserable that I’m rapidly losing my ability to care about these characters and what happens to them anymore.

The Rumbling; Yam's biggest middle finger to the world. Can't wait for this shit to end so my life can continue. Forever Yeagerist, because I am free, and Floch did nothing wrong.

THE GENERAL AT FORT SALTA GAVE A SPEECH ABOUT HATE AND MISTAKES, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT? 1,663 Responses

In the face of annihilation, the general stationed at Fort Salta has an epiphany on the path that brought everyone there. A solid 60% of respondents thought it was a great speech – it covers perhaps the grandest theme of the final arc of the story and someone needed to hammer home the message. 27.3% liked the message of the speech but thought it was a little too ham-fisted for the moment, but 6.8% just thought it was silly.

The general at Fort Salta’s words were really... desperate. It showed the truth of Eren’s rampage as the founding and I think it showed that Eren was more than what he hoped to become. He shows no pity now: I don’t even think he cares about the 104th and co. anymore. Really dark and I’m living for it.

The parts with no speech was great. Isayama is great with visuals which I love. The Marleyan speech was very cringe unfortunately.

Great to see the world let go of their hatred for the enemy. Still, Eren's stubborn charge is pissing me off!

FUCKING FINALLY. All this bullshit and guilting of the children and Eldians and we finally get SOMEONE owning up that their bigotry is the fucking problem here. And of course, too fucking late. But that seems to be how real history is

Nothing unrealistic about desperate people about to die thinking of second chances.

Great message, but would've meant more if it came from a more significant character such as Magath

Great speech showing that people always have the biggest realization when it's already too late and you can only count on miracles

I think it was honestly fine, but one tiny change could have been made to make it flow more naturally and not be so jarring to so many people: Rather than having the general talk about "us adults", and how "we" used hatred, I think it would have been more natural if he only talked about himself. This is a very common trope in war movies, and we're all capable of reading in between the lines and understanding how what he says applies to the different characters and the world as a whole. For him to point it out for us is a little jarring

hammy, but on theme

I feel like it's isayama's way of forcing his audience to understand his narrative by spelling it out for us. indicating that he has failed as a writer to just make his narrative naturally understood

IF the rumbling get stopped are they gonna still gonna keep their promise

In context it is fine, but I'm cautious about it being the end solution.

It was a desperate man's final words, and it showed.

It was a fitting speech that showed the Marleyans were finally ready to let go of their hatred towards the Eldians. It also felt like last-ditch speech to try to move Eren into reconsidering flattering the whole world with the Rumbling, but knowing Eren, the speech wouldn't sway him at all.

It was way to convenient and unrealistic for the general and the liberio Eldians to realize that they were wrong and I hope they die. That is all.

It was good to see they realized how terrible they were but as a wise man once said... “It’s too laaate to apologiiize. It’s too laaaaaaaate! Ay. Ay. Ay.”

Its good because its shows the message of the series of trying to stop the cycle of hate by either changing our actions or by sacrificing others for the "greater good". Placement is not bad tho, the general is realizing it is the true end

It’s okay, everyone has their own opinion. The general's opinion just happened to be like that.

I understand it, but I’m also bothered by the suggested idea that it took total annihilation to make people decide to finally “be considerate” of each other. It also feels very black and white to me, some of the subtleties of this whole situation was lost I think.

It was a great speech and super satisfying moment to see non-Eldians recognize how they played a part leading up to this, but there's no guarantee there won't be residual hatred for Eldians once all of this is over.

i honestly loved it. i don't mind the cheese one bit

KARINA THINKS BACK TO A YOUNG REINER AND REGRETS HER ACTIONS AS A MOTHER. WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? 1,659 Responses

There are many bad parents in SnK, and Karina has certainly been one of them. The majority of fans accept her seeking redemption, while 25% think it’s too little too late. 20.8% are willing to give her a chance if she proves she means it through her actions.

I liked the moment between Karina and Mr. Leonhardt. Awful parents unite. XD At least they showed a change of heart, even if it was too late.

Felt like she just wanted to live a normal life

Anyways, Karina saved the chapter. We've seen a more logical character evolution than in Annie's father, and at least she got to see Reiner again.

IF the rumbling stopped are they still gonna keep their promise

the attempt to make me feel sympathy for Karina Braun was just obnoxious

Only took advantage of the boy

I’m glad Reiner mom is realizing her mistake of using her son as a tool but there’s not really much she can do.

Fuck Karina in particular.

Am I the only one who thought that Karina and Mr Leonhart looked good together? 😳

WHAT DID KARINA MEAN WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHE USED REINER AS A TOOL OF REVENGE? 1,653 Responses

Karina mentions that she only ever used Reiner as a tool for revenge. 31.1% think he was a tool to use against her former lover, 19.1% think he was primarily a tool for Marley, but 47.9% believe it to be a mix of both purposes.

All of the above and perhaps just a general narcissistic “I’ll show all of you how special I am by proxy of my child. Reiner being a Warrior means I am a Good Mother TM”

Reiner was a tool to make Karina feel like she had worth in a world where everyone, from the man she may have loved to her nation to the rest of the world was telling her she was worthless.

Karina hated Paradis' Eldians for "abandoning" her and the others to the mainland and wanted revenge on them for that.

Clearly revenge on his father and if anyone thinks Karina intended on Reiner being used to get revenge on Paradis is really reaching to villify Karina.

She said it on panel: Why did Karl Fritz leave them in Marley's power?

I believe it's "both of the above", but with the revenge on Paradis being from Karina, not Marley, as an allegory for Reiner's father. She always talks about how Paradis abandoned the Eldians on Marley, and I figured this was her way of expressing the sorrow and anger at Reiner's father for abandoning her and Reiner. So she did believe Paradis were devils who abandoned them, but that was fuelled by her personal issue

I didn’t and still don’t understand what Karina means by revenge.

It was both but also to give herself a higher status given her self-hatred.

WHAT IS THE BEAST TITAN WE SAW? 1,668 Responses

That was unexpected! The Beast Titan showed up, but not in a way we saw anyone predict. A very close tie between it being Zeke’s beast being controlled/manipulated and it being a War Hammer formation created by Eren, with the former just edging out the latter. 14% believe Eren can make titans however he wants via the Founding Titan/paths, and 2.4% think this was just straight up Zeke.

Don’t know, very confused. But whenever I don’t clearly see the eyes of a character, I usually feel like something fishy is going on....

Eren ate zeke and took his power.

Eren using the WHT to generate a Zeke dummy, using Zeke's titan blueprints.

I think he used the Founding Titan powers, not the WH. Ymir/the founding titan is the one that builds the titan forms so I think that makes more sense.

I do believe eren is controlling him since his titan was attached to eren at the neck, and then reiner broke that off.

I think it's Zeke being mind controlled and treated like a puppet by Eren.

I think Zeke is crystalized somewhere in the Founders body and Eren is using him to create a zombie Beast Titan.

It could be Zeke in there, it could be a clone. Nonetheless it's a puppet and he still needs Zeke to do a complete exact rendition.

It took Eren all three powers of the Founder, WHT, and Beast Titan, combined to pull this off. The WHT alone can create anything with hardening but i doubt it could create another titan moving by itself.

It's obviously a War Hammer construct, but I can't stop laughing at the idea that the Alliance don't realise how vastly different he looks. It kind of reminds me of when they would go "There's no opening in the Armored Titan's armor, it's covering everything" even though there's clearly spaces in between where you can see the red muscle

YFW another Beast Titan clone shows up next chapter

if monke isn't a Warhammer construct, where the heck does he get those rocks?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EREN SEEMINGLY CONTROLLING THE BEAST? 1,656 Responses

So we’ve discussed what you think the Beast is, now what do fans think of the development from a narrative standpoint? Most fans are happy with this development finding it cool and surprising, with 17.9% being happy just to see monke again. 12.1% feel it’s another ability coming out of nowhere, and 9.4% don’t like Zeke being handled this way. 4.4% think Zeke is in full autonomy, which is somehow 33 more people than when that was an option last question...

ZEKE DEAD IN BEAST TITAN BODY AND EREN CONTROLLING HIM

I just wanna see Zeke :(

I was so happy to finally see Zeke but all along it was just a puppet Beast Titan :(

If Zeke is just going to be a mindless powerup for Eren to keep Levi or Reiner busy, he'd better have been dead. We already had the Warhammer doing that job, why this again?

Tired of the Eren OPness to be honest, its stale and old and overall poorly writter. It's clear from the start Isayama's willing to bend backwards to not only power up Eren randomly but to try and justify everything he does.

THE ALLIANCE CONTINUES TO FOCUS ON ZEKE DESPITE EREN STANDING WITH YMIR IN THE PATHS REALM LAST CHAPTER. WHY HAVE NONE OF THE CHARACTERS MENTIONED HER? 1,650 Responses

Despite us fans freaking out every time we see Ymir, the alliance doesn’t seem to care. 43.9% believe they’ve just been a little too busy to focus on the minutiae of the lore, while 39.5% just have no idea. 11.1% don’t think they saw her standing there in the first place.

Did any of them really know who the little girl was?

Easier to focus on what they know than what they don’t

Do they recognize her! Are they familiar with the iconography of this creation story? Either way, they’re probably at the “Oh look, Eren’s in his child body and standing with a little girl who is the progenitor of our race. This might as well happen.”

I'm pretty sure they at least discussed it and formed a plan in the plane

They don't wanna face the fact they have to kill Eren, plus killing the beast titan may be easier than killing the founding titan

They still are still not as informed of the relationship between Eren and Ymir, their first goal is to rid the connection of royal blood to Eren preventing further destruction

Wait, are you saying we as the readers can see Ymir but the others can't? in that case, Ymir may have appeared multiple times throughout this mess and yet we've only seen her for Ramzi's death and when the alliance were in paths…

Only Eren can see Ymir since he has the founding Titan, as well as Zeke since he has royal blood. The rest can see Eren because he has the founding Titan and is connected to all Eldians and Ackermanns via paths.

seems like they hold Zeke more accountable to the rumbling than Eren himself. Yeah I get it, he's their friend. But fuck that, humanity is at stakes, and when Zeke turned against the warriors, they accepted that they had to kill him, even if they didn't wan't to (especially Pieck), even if he was their comrade and leader, even if they grew up together, because it needed to done.

They’re saving it for when they discuss Levi’s hand

They're like Ramzi -- they have no bloody idea who this loli is.

Nothing to do with the question but I'm bummed the official translation for this image was not "THAT FUCKING MONKEY!" like earlier ones

Alliance are stupid Motherfuckers

THE BLIMPS CERTAINLY TRIED THEIR BEST, HOW WOULD YOU RATE THEIR PERFORMANCE? 1,646 Responses

Surprising no one (except for 5.6% of you from last month who predicted the blimps would deal a decisive blow), Eren tore through the bombing fleet like it was nothing. On a 1-5 scale from “Abysmal” to “They tried their best, okay?”, the plurality of you have decided to lend some sympathy to the squadron, with some erring on the side of neutrality. Low expectations seem to have prevented disappointment, as not many people are criticizing them in the write ins either.

as a WWI nerd I really disappointed by the airship "battle." Isayama has done his research on some aspects of early modern day tech (like the detail on the firearms), but then has the airships dropping what looks like submarine depth charges instead of zeppelin bombs (I was like--why are they dropping oil canisters?!) and then has the airships go down in Hollywood-style explosions from having rocks thrown on them.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART IN THE PLANE’S ARRIVAL? 1,659 Responses

35.4% of respondents loved Reiner’s dynamic entry, followed by 23.6% of respondents who loved Levi’s war cry of MOONNKEEEE. 17.1% were happy to see the image of Armin leading the charge that we’ve been expecting since hearing that final audio sample. 9.1% embrace the ongoing Avengers theme of everyone jumping into battle at once. 8.3% appreciated Onyankopon’s sweet fighter pilot moves, and 5.2% liked seeing the Eldian evacuees getting a glimmer of hope.

Finally, shoutouts to the handful of people whose favourite moment was Pieck bounding out with the bombs like a happy dog with sausage links.

This chapter was pure adrenaline. The Alliance's entrance in the plane was seriously badass. I can't wait for 135!!

Reiner with the Buddha's Palm. Respect!

I love how Levi is still so focused on killing Monke. Avenge your husband, sweetie.

Armin is finally grabbing Eren by the collar again and I like that. Safe to assume we're going to see more of the Eren vs Armin showdown now. Armin delivered a truly powerful line, "Which part of you is free" and I'm curious how Eren will respond to that

Reiner's transformation is probably my favourite one, and seeing the rest of the alliance jumping down in a tense but at the same time epic scene was priceless.

It was impossible to choose what part of the plane scene was the best, it was *chef's kiss* all of it.

PIECK TRANSFORMED AND GOT THE BOMBS IN THE CART’S MOUTH WITHOUT BLOWING THEM UP. IS THIS UNREALISTIC BASED ON THE WORLD’S RULES TO YOU? 1,602 Responses

Chekhov’s bombs are now in the hands, er, mouth, of Pieck Finger, via grabbing them from the plane and transforming into a titan while holding them. About half of fans had no issue with this, seeing that titan transformations are just summoning flesh around you. 17.5% did think the transformation explosion should have detonated them, and 30% are just wondering how she also managed to perfectly unravel the bombs midair.

Bold of you to imply Isayama cares about physics after the wet gun and the plane being ready in 5 minut... 1 hour excuse me.

Bombs are detonated through fire reacting to the gunpowder right? Do we know that the Titan's 'explosions' are made from fire?

Pieck has probably done this many times before, the cart titan is mainly used as a war mule after all.

She's just very very gentle ok ?

Cart titan has experienced in carrying things in different situations and the explosives shown could be improvised. Also, these types are initiated with fire and will not explode with any impact occurred.

I assumed that she let go of the bombs, transformed, then caught them. This does not bother me in the slightest.

I think it's kinda like Eren with the spoon, the objective was holding it, which is why it wan't damaged when Hanji noticed it. Same thing with Pieck and the explosives.

Rule of Cool, doesn't matter either way to me.

No, Cart Titan is especially a strange titan to begin with and a use for delicate and ambushing situations(read the chapters where Pieck transport Bertold in a barrel before the attack on Paradise)

It's kinda unrealistic, but falling from 50 meters with all your body burned and survive is way worse.

WAS THIS THE START OF REINER’S HELOS MOMENT? 1,615 Responses

Reiner being Helos has been a popular theory for a while, and now he seems to be acting as a hero to those left at Fort Salta. 54.4% believe this is the start of Reiner embodying the idea of Helos, while 12.9% are holding out for if he kills Eren. 27.9% don’t believe Reiner to be connected to Helos in any way.

Appeared as a small hope

Are people really still going on about Helos?

can he kill Eren? If he can, then hes Helos

H E L O S

What is Helos

Half-Eldian, half-Marleyan -- he represents so much more than Helos ever did.

He could be Helos, but I think Armin will be the one to save humanity, but Reiner can join him

I dont really like the whole X is helos thing, reiner definately is acting the part of the hero but i think its more redemption for reiner than trying to be some kimd of savior of humanity and i think that fots his character better.

The real "Helos" is not just Reiner, but the whole alliance.

He going to be Helos not when he kills Eren, but when he makes a sacrifice of some sorts.

He's not Helos, and will never be, but he is definitely a big hope

Who is Helos

Reiner does not deserve to be a ‘Helos’

HELL YEAH REINER

He'll do something sick

Helos was a fake hero, just a mask. Their is no comparison with Reiner's journey to maturity..

I won’t compare him to Helos. But this is sure a hero moment

Captain Suicide to the rescue

I think he’s helos but it’s gonna be armin who saves the day

I’m not sure if he’ll be helos but he’s still going to be essential to the story

Helos was a hollow and fake historical figure made up to push the "Eldians are evil" narrative. Reiner, on the other hand, is someone who was raised with a hatred for Eldians and committed atrocities because of it, but came to face his past actions and save the world as a true hero. Reiner isn't Helos, he's so much better than that.

WITH THE BEAST TITAN THROWING AT THE PLANE AND SKYDIVERS INDISCRIMINATELY, IT SEEMS LIKE EREN IS OK WITH KILLING ANY OF HIS FRIENDS. THOUGHTS? 1,630 Responses

The question of how far Eren would go to achieve his goal of freedom has plagued the community for a while, and this chapter seemingly confirmed his willingness to even kill his friends, as seen by the deadly projectiles that the alliance only narrowly avoided. 61.8% of respondents aren’t surprised by this, despite Armin and Mikasa, who were in the line of fire, being voted as very unlikely for Eren to willingly kill last month. While 16.6% were indeed shocked by this, 19.1% believe this can be explained away by Eren knowing his friends aren’t in any serious danger.

Eren has to kill everybody, the rest of the world and if they don't stop even the alliance. Otherwise this story will be worse then Game of Thrones Season 8.

Scared that eren is fine with killing the friends he wants to protect

ARMIN SEEMS TO RECALL THE 112 CONVERSATION WHEN HE SAYS HE WANTS TO ASK EREN ONE MORE QUESTION HE WON’T LIKE, “WHAT ABOUT YOU IS FREE”. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 1,636 Responses

Eren’s quest for freedom and Armin’s quest for understanding come to a head in this chapter’s cliffhanger question from the latter: “What about you is free?” More of you think he is still in the reasoning stage (37%) than those who think the question was an affirmation of his determination to say goodbye to his old friend (30.1%). Some of you think the callback to chapter 112 is indicative of Armin believing Eren to be controlled in some way (27.6%).

Armin is trying to manipulate Eren like what he did with Berthold but I think he will 100% fail .

Armin is really being built up here for an amazing redemption. These last three chapters we've seen him carefully being inserted into the pivotal role in the series just like in RtS. I'm 90% confident the biggest plot twist of the entire series is coming, and Armin is the catalyst as he's always been for every amazing moment in the show prior to chapter 91. I think the ending is going to blow everyone out of the water, and that everyone predicting a side to win is missing entirely how the manga will end.

I'm so happy to see that Armin is basically done coddling Erin. He's ready to take him out, especially since he's become the commander

in line with what kenny ackerman said, armin thinks eren is a slave of his own obsession.

Please stop blaming Eren for everything, he needs Help. It makes me sad to see Eren has to face his best friends, and I dont like Armins way of confronting him, it looks like Armin has erased his memory of his best friend…

He's a fucking clown, I can't stand his shit. Still selfishly trying to talk Eren out of it when he's causing the fucking apocalypse and asserted many times that no, he won't stop. Who cares about Eren's vision of freedom when he's killing millions of people ? Just nuke him, you're supposed to be the colossal titan ffs

Their ideas clash at the moment. However, Armin still believes that his friend behaves unnaturally and won't let go until he discovers the truth.

we have continuously witnessed Eren being a hypocrite it makes perfect sense why he would say that

We need Armin's POV to know if he's now fully prepared to kill Eren or not

What I think is that armin might think that eren is being controlled by the attack Titan

Perhaps to get a rise or reaction out of him? Or just a cool way to introduce himself to the conflict!

that seashell fucker joke of a commander still wants to talk rather than kill him when Eren repeatedly made it clear that he won't ever stop the rumbling.

Hoping to see how this ideological conflict between Eren and Armin will end.

THIS CHAPTER HAS AN EMPHASIS ON THE SURVIVAL OF CHILDREN. WHICH ONES DO YOU SEE SURVIVING THIS CONFLICT? 1,649 Responses

This chapter’s repeated motif of humans coming together to save children, especially infants, has been noticed by many. As for what it means for the survival of the ones in this chapter, the majority of readers believe Historia’s child is in the clear (81.4%). The children at the fort appear to have much less of a chance (32.8%), but are believed to be comparatively less doomed than the baby at the cliff (26.1%). On the bright side, only about a hundred of you (7.6%) think they will all perish.

Great chapter showing the contrast between a child being born in Paradis and a child dying on the other side of the world.

Sometimes people will trample each other to escape (as we've seen in Marley), but sometimes through the mindless fear people try and protect a tiny helpless thing for a few moments. Whether the baby lives or not it was amazing imagery.

The crowd trying to save the baby from the cliff as the Wall Titans arrived was very dark, but I still think Ymir's daughters eating their own mother is still the darkest moment in the series involving the children, while the runner-up is Faye's death.

we all theorized that the final panel was Historia's child but maybe it's the baby at the cliff. Eren might actually win and destroy the world, then through the wreckage he approaches the child and picks it up and tells it that's it's free

Cliff baby is toast

While the Rumbling is still as horrible as ever, this time it didn't feel quite as hopeless as when we saw Ramzi and his brother. The baby lifting scene was chilling and yet strangely inspiring.

damn bruh seriously the poor kids

MANY CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN SHOWN TAKING ON THE BLAME FOR THE CURRENT SITUATION, INSTEAD OF POINTING TO EREN. DOES ISAYAMA WANT THE WORLD TO BE AT FAULT INSTEAD OF EREN? 1,636 Responses

With the story presenting us a complicated situation, does Isayama’s approach lead to the wrong conclusions? Almost 70% of fans believe that he wants us to view both parties as at fault for the current situation. About 17% believe the hatred of the world is squarely to blame, while 8.3% think it all lands on Eren for his own actions. 5.3% think Isayama is just really clumsy with his messaging.

this chapter makes you realise that eren is actually at fault. I used to make more excuses for him, but this chapter really sealed the deal for me atleast. No one deserves this pain. It is not marley vs eldians anymore it is everyone vs Eren.

While it makes sense for them to feel regret, I still disagree that its their fault. Like look at Grisha's parents, they didnt do any wrong to deserve this. They just lived their life the way they were told to. Thats why i dislike the argumentations. Most people just were forced to hate someone they never met, so I dont this like the speech that much.

i think isayama states that the alliance is at fault too because they decided to still fight on eren's side until it was already too late and he activated the rumbling. not because they are killing people directly.

while I think that Eren is the main culprit of the Rumbling, true peace cannot be reached if everyone acts all high and mighty ""well, it wasn't MY fault"". After all this, the whole world has to be humble and willing to work together, otherwise it has all been for nothing.

I find it weird everyone (SC, warriors, the world) is blaming themselves for everything and readers are using their pre-death laments as a confirmation that Eren is right/justified. I don't like Eren being portrayed just like the product of his context, especially because he himself deny it and many chapters exist to reforce that (100, 121, 123, 130, 131, etc). I feel nobody is treating Eren as an individual, but as a force of nature coming to punish humanity for their sins. It's uncomfortable, because he's just a person like everybody else and not a god even if he has some god-like powers.

I don’t think the narrative is on eren side, but it also doesn’t absolve the rest of the world, the narrative shows that both sides have good and bad people, innocent and guilty, how each decision affect each character, and what they feel about it all. This story is about a cycle of hate, eldia used titan power to attack the world, then the world revolted and decided to attack eldia, now eldia (eren) attacks the world again, cycles have no end unless someone interrupts it, the question is; What is the most effective way to end this cycle?

Eren already lost. He wanted protect people on Paradis, his friends and Historia but it looks like his actions only have created more sadness and misery. A lot of people on the island died when the walls collapsed and now they most likely will have a civil war. Two of his closest friends are already dead and the rest feels depressed and miserable. The things for Historia don't look good either. Even if he fully rumbles the world, he will never really save anyone.

I think genocide is the solution to stop Racism

AS THE ALLIANCE PREPARES TO FIGHT EREN, ONYANKOPON IS MAKING AN EMERGENCY LANDING WITH THE PLANE. HOW WILL THIS GO? 1,638 Responses

Onyankopon flew the alliance where they needed to go, but the plane’s in trouble and he might be as well! 44.5% think he’s going to die or has already died in a crash, 41.3% think he’ll land with injuries, and 14.2% think he’ll be a-ok and join the onlookers for the battle.

Onyankopon is probably dead but I really hope he’s not.

WHO DO YOU SEE DYING BEFORE THE MANGA ENDS? 1,602 Responses

Going into the final battle, it’s useful to have some data on everybody’s predictions, as well as a follow-up to the same question that was asked for the chapter 127 poll, back in March. The characters who were voted more likely to die than survive are led by Zeke, who has a clear majority (78.1%), followed by Connie (59.8%), Onyankopon (59.2%), Levi (57.5%) and Eren (54.6%). Coming close, but still more likely to survive according to voters, is Pieck (48.9%), Reiner (47.9%) and Yelena (44.9%). Gabi (11.5%), Falco (15.1%), Armin (16.2%) and Historia (17.4%) are expected to make it till the end.

Interestingly, as we approach the end, every single character who was present in the March poll has increased in perceived likelihood of dying. Except for one, Yelena, who dropped 6.6% in votes, perhaps due to her injury rendering her a more sidelined and subdued character. The characters that the fandom changed their mind on the most are Levi (+39.1%), Onyankopon (+37.3%) and Connie (+23.8%). The characters that have remained relatively unchanged include Gabi (+3.5%), Jean (+1%) and Kiyomi (+1%).

if he kills Jean without giving him anything important in the whole arc I'm going feral.

I really hope there’ll be no casualties to any of my favorite characters

IM FUCKING SCARED TO SEE LEVI DIE

i hope reiner didn't die untill the last chap

I sadly think everyone will die besides the main three and levi since he’s an ackerman.

ARMIN, SON, PLEASE DON'T DIE. YOU'RE THE MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE BUNDLE OF HOPE. PLEASE DON'T DIE!! 😭

WE’RE STEALING THIS ONE FROM THE WIKI. ARE YOU MORE EXCITED FOR CHAPTER 135 OR THE SEASON 4 ANIME PREMIERE NEXT MONTH? 1,661 Responses

Monthly waits between chapters are rough, but so are the years between seasons! Luckily we have both with the next chapter and the Final Season coming out within days of each other. 57.9% are more excited for the next chapter following the pretty popular 134, and 42.1% are more excited for the anime to kick off.

FINAL SEASON HYPE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO

Can't wait to see what will happen 135 and beyond!

I am overall completely hooked on the manga chapters, and I love Eren’s characteristic traits and mental strength. I am really excited on the final season.

can't wait for the final season!! It's going to be EPIC

Super emotional, everything seems to be leading to a tragic crescendo and all of this is going to look bonkers if MAPPA adapts it well for the final season

Incrediblesuperawesomethebestimsohypedineedchapter135

Cant wait for the next chapter and the final season!!

DESCRIBE THE CHAPTER IN ONE WORD 1,181 Responses

The top 5 words used to describe the chapter this month are below. As opposed to the usual superlatives as well as a resurfacing of pain, the standout this month is monke, thanks to Zeke’s return. We seem to be fully done with the recipe shenanigans after a few months.

Amazing [60] Monke [38] Epic [36] Pain [33] Awesome [31]

ISAYAMA RECENTLY ESTIMATED THERE IS 1-2% LEFT OF THE STORY. WHAT CHAPTER DO YOU THINK THE MANGA WILL END AT? 1,657 Responses

At the statue unveiling on November 7th, Isayama dropped another clue in the ever evolving mystery of when this series will end. His new estimate of 1-2% would translate into two more chapters (!). That estimate did little to dissuade our fandom from our most popular choice of 138.

Between Isayama's comments and this chapter, I'm really afraid there's 1 volume left and Isayama might rush everything, thus giving a shitty ending for everyone.

I really hope it doesn’t end at 135, there’s no way Isayama can muster a proper conclusion out of that unless it was all a dream or some dumb shit.

I'm confused as to how there is 1-2% left. Is Isayama really going to make Eren a cold-blooded killer after all the character development, I wonder. Honestly, I constantly feel like it's going to fast and that there are some things that need to go into more detail.

I fear the ending could feel too rushed if it really ends in ~4 chapters from now.

I'm glad we're closer to the ending. I just want to leave this series behind me and never look back again.

idk but i just dont want it to end too fast😭😭😭

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,657 Responses

The countdown clock is ticking away but there are still plot points to be completed and mysteries to be solved. To kick off what is likely the final volume of this series, nearly half of us hope the focus next month is The Alliance vs Eren (45%). In second place with slightly over 1/5 of the fandom, is interest in Eren POV (21.7%). Falco’s Flying Titan (9.2%), Historia (9.1%) and Zeke (8.1%) fill out the remainder of the pie with the smallest fraction (5.6%) wanting to know what is up with OG Ymir.

I still want to see Eren redeemed and saved, as that felt teased too much. Eren vs Zeke also felt teased too much. I also wanted to see Historia in action again. And how will Annie and Falco fit into the equation? And what of the titan powers? And the aftermath?

Kinda want to see this conversation between Eren and Armin more than anything

I want to see more Mikasa action.

i want armin to shift into the colossal titan and give spider-eren a big smooch on the lips

I personally would like to see Historia's pov because we still haven't gotten it and I want to know if Zeke is actually dead or not

I want to see more of Historia

v excited to see Zeke again, same w historia, hope eren pov is soon, liked seeing more of the world

Has Hajime forgotten Riko or will she have an interesting role in this ending? Can she be the child's mother in the end?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING PLATFORMS DO YOU USE TO DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,562 Responses

It’s official, after months of steady growth since we allowed multiple social media to be chosen, twitter has finally dethroned reddit on the polls as the most popular platform to discuss SNK. The more distant third place goes to real life, which managed to overtake discord again after falling behind a little last month. And 38 snapchatters now! Are you multiplying?!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 479 Responses

this chapter got me fucked up.

Isayama: Hold my plum wine.

I haven’t seen anyone talk about it yet but in one of the manga panel you can see levi holding his sword in his way as if he had all his fingers back. So I think he does.

Save for chapters 130-131, the manga has been noticeably become underwhelming since 124. Like I implied above, there are many hints that this manga is going to have a GOT season 8 tier ending. Eren will be defeated and all the hate in the world will magically disappear. There will be some sort of unity between Marley and Cringevengers that brings peace to the world even though it shouldn't realistically be possible. And lastly, that baby near the cliff will end up living at the last moment and will end up being the baby from the final panel. "You are free", most likely being held by Armin or Reiner.

Go get him, Armin!

ALLIANCE HAS ME SO HYPED BYE

I wish it were longer but no thoughts my heart is heavy

I know Eren wants to destroy the world but HOLY FUCK.

I just, really hope that baby will be ok

I LOVED EVERY PANEL !!!!! I WAS FILLED WITH EMOTIONS WHILST READING 😭😭😭

I’m just really excited to see what’s gonna happen on the next chapter because everything is really chaotic and I’m just curious what’s the ending really like after years of making up theories and stories in my head.

I’m just so ready to see what’s really going on with Eren and which side will win. Also Armin is amazing in this chapter and his last question to Eren in this chapter gave me chills

I think Isayama is trying too hard to excuse Eren. Despite everything, he exterminted humanity instead of saving it. Other have gone trhough worst and would never have gone that far.

I’m not sure how to word it for English isn’t my first language, but it’s kinda sad to see a fictional world realize their mistakes/bad things they’ve done and how hatred can affect things

is the baby in the final panel (the « you’re free » one) the one that was saved or historias??? 😳

I'm so tired.

I think it will be more clear if we got eren pov sooner

I think that it doesn't make any sense if Isayama gave us Historia in labor for nothing. I want to know more about her and her baby, how have they been all these times after the squad left the island and before the rumbling. And Zeke, too. We haven't seen him for a while so i'm glad that he's back, but i think he's under Eren's control now. The chapter is kinda short for me. It's gonna perfect if we have more scenes of Historia and her baby, or at least Zeke's POV.

I think that we will have a lot of deaths in the next chapter

I think the current titan shifters will die. And then it will be reborn by historia's child. In short, the titan shifting powers won't end

I think this will end bittersweet at best

I think what Eren will do when seeing his friends are fighting him. Does him will hurt them back

Big fan of seeing Historia again, and that baby being held up is a very chilling image we haven’t seen the likes of for a few months.

I think with all the hype, it still was a setup chapter and I think the last 4-6 chapters will be monstrous and very bitter sweet.

I think zeke is there but only partially controlled, but the titan is formed by warhammer capability

I thought it was a very good chapter to end the volume off of. Now I expect the next 4 final chapters to be amazing Isyama writing we are use too.

I thought that it was interesting because we got to see zeke again and the alliance going to try to save eren and to fight again

I thought that that eren will go back to mikasa

I want a goodass ending

Rumbling hits Hiruzu but the base is still there? That can't happening at the same time.

SADDDDD

i have no idea I just stressed out with this chapter.

Safe pregnancy for Historia

THAT FUCKING MONKEY 🐒

the art is amazing but i'd like to see more dialogue

so much happened in a single chapter, i can't believe we're reaching the end

I've been here since 2013, and it's finally at the final volume, AND I'M NOT READY! ALL HAIL ELDIA! ALL HAIL EREN!

Isayama's art keeps evolving every month, it was live watching anime key frames before any color was applied.

it made me cry so much i hope it will have a happy ending

It was a rollercoaster of hype and regret lmao

yams says fuck dem kids

Can’t wait to see this animated

It was awful. All those big questions without answer... And I hate what he did with Hisu. I hate it as a woman.

It was cool like always hope isayama feels good like we do

It was cool, but it had some cheesy moments. Does the title suggest that History is in despair too? Is she having complications in her labor or is feeling guilty because of the rumbling? Or both?

It was cruel, it made me uncomfortable, I don't understand Isayama's joy in drawing scenes of suffering without a reason. And Historia, wow, I don't even know what to say, I still don't understand why she's pregnant.

wondering why she’s giving birth 2-3 months earlier, and why she lied to the mps. Unless it’s a premature birth but I doubt it.

astonishing, astounding, surprising, bewildering, stunning, staggering, shocking, startling, stupefying, breathtaking, perplexing, confounding, dismaying, disconcerting, shattering.

At last the end is near, but despite that the ending is not clear, it can end in so many ways but I don't think Isayama will disappoints us.

Avengers will beat the bad guy.

The biggest victims are always innocent children and that's the darkest and saddest part for me.

Great setup for the final battle, and that cliff scene broke me.

i tilt with helos theories :)

Armin and company, except Mikasa, are NOW ready to fight Eren to the death. Eren is also prepare to finish what he started, no matter who dies. Final result could go either way as Falco, Gabi, and Annie will come eventually, and their arrival will turn the tide one way or the other.

I hope armin and the gang can get through to eren :(

I hope eren kills them all

i hope eren win, to show the consequence of hatred

I just don’t care anymore

I just dont want that if the alliance wins, the marleyans and other races forgive eldia because that does not even make any type of sense

If it somehow wasn't clear before, this manga's message is about peace. It is NOT some n*zi propaganda, and it never has been. This chapter perfectly conveyed that.

Confusing but interesting alliance is making me angry they don’t understand Eren still think he’s being controlled

When a host for one of the Nine Titans dies without being devoured, their powers are transferred to an Eldian child through Paths. If one, some or all of the Nine Titan holders die during the current battle, would it be possible that the newborn, which is also of royal blood, inherits the Titan power?

Death Flags for Armin give me joy…

Why are men so afraid of letting lesbians be lesbians

did eren awake? will the wall titam fall off the cliff because it sweeps the area there? i always think about this, does eren have any secret plans behind this rumble? lol maybe, find a path tree and destroy it? lmao

downer chapter, I expected something better for the chapter where we see the final audio at last

Eren already won.

Eren and the rumbling is reminding me of Shin Godzilla

Eren best character

Eren goat, hisu goat

Eren holding his and historias baby in final panel seems more and more likely

EREN IS 100% THE FATHER AFTER THIS CHAPTER, IT'S NO LONGER EVEN A DEBATE

EreHisu would ruin the series

Eren, please stop the Fucking rumblimg. You killed A lot of innocent people.

Eren's eaten Zeke, and that's why he can form and control a beast titan. Sorry Levi, the only person that your gonna beat up is Eren yet again.

eren’s face with this dino titan just creeps me the fuck out, and i don’t look forward to the transformation being animated.

It was definitely surprising for me when I saw historia while some people predict she will die when giving birth although that could be a possibility I see her dying due to either old age or somehow her inheriting the beast titan since the Ymir curse exists

It was epic!

It was great but can we see eren and Mikasa moments in the upcoming chapters before the manga ends and also show some light on how to cure ymir's curse and stuffs

It was great to see Historia again.

It was necessary to show all the chaos Eren is doing, and i'm so excited to see the Alliance fight him!

It was really good set up for 135

all the violence !! Like was this even necessary ?? No ! Too much violence just "kills" the whole thing ! Damn it was just awful and a waste of time to read for me !

This is probably going to be the most disturbing episode in the show's history once it gets animated, even if it's heavily censored. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up having to put a disclaimer at the beginning as well. I can already see it now, God this is going to be insane...

This is the first chapter that has really felt like the end REALLY is here. The gang is engaged in battle with Eren, there is no turning back from this point. They will either succeed, or perish in the attempt.

This story used to have the character growth and the plot at the center of the focus. I'm sad that it is all blown away in favor of cheap spectacle.

This won't end well, for anyone. I know Isayama has something significant planned for Historia's baby (my pet theory is that all the titans will die without heirs, be recombined with OG Ymir, and then she can finally be reborn and GTFO of PATHS), but thanks, I hate it.

Armin already grew up. he was from a coward child and now he is a brave man. i wanna cry

Geez, I hope the alliance can stop eren

This is all a series of bad plot choices falling like domino. Are things gonna work out once we get to final revelations? Probably. Is it gonna feel earned? At this point I doubt it. I miss the passion in this story. Char. develp. has never been the finest but they've always been human. Historia's a uterus. Eren just cares about his freedom. Dialogue falls flat as if Isayama didn't believe in what he writes and he's trying so hard to force feed the reader. If the rumbling is the final stop why was half of this necessary when it gave no closure to any character? But if it isn't, we deserved a real build up of events.

Zeke finally back but we still didn't know if he being controlled or willingly

Zeke is not being controlled and instead helping his brother, Eren is going to win and killed some of his friends, Levi is going to survive, Historia is going to survive with her baby and showed up at the final chapter. That's all I'm sure at this point. Mark my words.

it was sad

It was so cool but very chaotic I feel like I need a flashback or something or a tiny break.

It was so depressing, I can't imagine how Isayama would end this manga in only 1-2 chapters, it definitely need more

Omg this chaoter make me cry and relived, im just relieved that marleyan know they are wrong, that paradis not a devil blooded

one of the best chapters

Poor pacing and seems like a lot of unnecessary convolutions to the overall message

Pure masterpiece! Thanks Isayama

The chapter is fine but ,The story is leading to an obvious ending .I want to be wrong about that . I want a satisfying end . But part of knows that is not possible , let's watch isayama handle this shitshow he created.

The chapter leaves you with just the right question.

ERREEHH REINEERR!!???

Even if I don't want many people to die, I think that everyone will die, humanity will go extinct :(

Ever since 133, it's two chapters which have amazing elements but ultimately falls off as dissapointing. The plot needs to move forward. I thought we were going to have Bertholttalk and Ackertalk. 132 was such a masterpiece of a chapter that it becomes a let down.

Everyone told Eren early on that he'd have to abandon his humanity to make a difference, to save Paradis- especially Armin. Regardless of whose on which side, its ironic that now Armin is the one who can't accept this.

Excitement😎

There are two panels where Levi and mikasa are showing a shocked expression, idk if it’s just coincidence but can this possibly be relating to the Ackerman instinct?

This chapter is amazing good job isayama thx for a another masterpiece chapter

This chapter is really intense. Also, I wish I could've seen Zeke's POV.

Waiting for royal blooded Armin

was good until it spoke

We miss you, Hange, fly high our angel

We're finally at the final showdown boys and girls

We're truly at the beginning of the end for my favorite anime/manga series, huh?

What a series!

What happens with Yelena when either Falco or Annie transforms on the ship? Kiyomi said she‘s ready to sink with it but Yelena?

i hope eren isn't the father

What’s up to come seems uncertain.

Where is Ymir

falco or annie is definitely gna come flying in sooner or later

I really hope we don’t get a peace treaty ending.

I really hope we get a good ending... not happy necesarily....but good.....

I really just don’t care anymore. Yet I come back for more every time. Curse my completionism nature.

I really liked it. Definitely worth the month wait.

I really love the detail from this chapter and my favourite was when seeing Isayama drawing all those colossal titans and those people being crush. That's so amazing.

The end is near. I think we'll see Eren's next (final) POV in the final chapter.

Very cinematic, impressive setup/start to the alliance vs Eren fight

Very devastating

WHY is historia pregnant? (idc about father) Please give us the real answer yams! It was nice to see final audio. I loved Armin’s final comments and can’t wait to see the EMA confrontation.

Wonderful chapter, it's nice seeing another of Armin's plans. Reiner decking the beast titan was hype. The babies and the rumbling were a great juxtaposition too.

Would love to see if eren is really being controlled or if he’s willingly doing this to be stopped and perhaps killed?

I still wanna hope Hänge IS alive

i still wanna know how the hell eren's titan moves forward. the only thing i can imagine is some of the big bois carrying him. i can't get over it

I suffer

#snk poll #snk polls #snk chapter 134 #snk 134 #snk poll results

29 notes · View notes

justanothersyscourse · 4 years ago

Note

As someone whose DID is a direct result of being a survivor of a bad cult from childhood, I think you are doing a lot of twisting to make the endo community fit that mold. Don't get me wrong, I hate endos just as much as the next guy, but I feel like you miss the point more than once trying to explain why the community is "cultlike" and it feels extremely disrespectful to me as someone who has actual trauma related to that.

Endos are (usually) an internet community and you even admit that they dont really have leaders. Their actions arent often centralized and there's no real pressure to devote more time to it if you don't want to. I have not interacted with them enough to really get a full idea of what goes on but nothing I've ever seen really proves what you say is as bad as you're trying to make it seem here.

This is an argument in bad faith and theres easily ways to debunk it, but I am going to make it because then you maybe understand my problem here: Someone anti science could make many of the same arguments about anti endos, because we hold research to a high standard, expect others to also understand the science behind DID and don't accept people who claim to be endogenic, expect people with these disorders to make this a part of their identity and associate with he community, spend money to guarantee a diagnosis... It's not a good argument. You don't need to debunk it because I already know that. But your arguments are not all solid either and I'm trying to demonstrate how dangerous and frustrating it is when something is called cultlike/cult when it really isn't.

I can see some of your points and understand why you could want to use that word, but I feel like the smarter choice would be to listen to actual victims instead of doubling down and trying to justify a word with some flimsy arguments that just further trivialize the experiences actual cult survivors go trough.

Also English isnt my first language and I'm sorry if I messed things up somehow.

I’m posting this because I’m not hiding it away. Your thoughts and feelings are completely and entirely valid, as are your arguments, and perhaps I am in the wrong, and if I am, I take full responsibility for that.

I am curious if there’s a cultural difference regarding the connotation of the term “cult-like”, and your post does bring up good points about whether the DID/OSDD could also be considered as such.

In Canada, money isn’t needed for a diagnosis, but you can donate to funding for research if you choose to. There are no such DID/OSDD groups looking for donations-- only endogenic communities. DID/OSDD systems are also too “gatekeep-y” to try to “recruit” the way endos do. As well, the DID/OSDD community is open to any kind of research that might prove or disprove the existence of endogenics, so long as it has scientific backing. We’re not hiding or relying entirely on anecdotes or self-IDs.

In my opinion, there’s a lot of differences between the communities that would make one more volatile than the other.

The only thing I want to say is that this isn’t a “competition”, I can absolutely appreciate the things you’ve been through as being terrible and horrible, and yes, worse than what the endogenic community is doing, but it doesn’t change my opinion. I’m a firm believer in “trauma is trauma and abuse is abuse”. You don’t need to have experienced more or worse for what happened to you to still be valid.

Yes, what happened to you was horrible, and I hope no one goes through that, but just because someone is experiencing it on a smaller scale doesn’t make it any less horrible for them, either. Acknowledging cult-like tendencies in a group does not in any way diminish what cult survivors have gone through. In fact, it’s from experiences like yours that I can look at the group and say, “Hey, I’m seeing some very questionable behaviour here that I’d like to draw attention to before it gets worse.” Right now it’s cult-like, let’s do something before it gets worse.

In the end, though, you have my sincere apologies for wording it in a way that offends cult survivors. It’s not my intention to diminish what cult-survivors have gone through, and if I have done that, I’m so sorry.

6 notes · View notes

karmanticmoved · 5 years ago

Note

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

#asks #long post #friends

2 notes · View notes

banavalope · 7 years ago

Note

I love all of your troll ocs! I was wondering if you ever thought of making some more?? :0

you fool. you absolute buffoon. these are my activation words.

honestly i actually have like… two seadwellers i never talked about because years ago i never bothered to flesh them out. I’ve also got kidcestors for The Gang that i love to bits and also have never talked about much, and i’d love to make more bc its just… so fun and customizable.

Anyway bold and foolish of you to make the mistake of asking this expecting me to not doodle & talk about eight individual fantrolls so here’s all of that cool information under a nifty little read more

please look at my good kids:

Ulyxes Romeda’s a violet blood and almost 8 sweeps old. This right here’s a sweet boy, he loves muscle theater and ancient battle history involving heroes that were probably fake but they were REALLY heroic and that’s!!! What he loves!!!!! He’s adventurous and positive, the kind of guy with an infectious happy attitude, people typically get along with Ulyxes and feel safe around him. He’s definitely not okay with the power structure on Alternia and WANTS to lead a revolution, he’s got the fire in him to change the way things are around him, but he’s dense, and not a big details kind of person so he’s not really gonna be a Leader anytime soon, but a bold hero in a blaze of glory in some way, probably absolutely.

This boi loves to rough house, he luv gettin into scraps with things BIGGER and STRONGER than him!! He’s so strong, he hasn’t found a big scary thing yet that he wasn’t able to toss. Good child. One of his hopes is to fight with Audrit to see which one of them is stronger, he holds Aud in high regard. Audrit thinks Ulyxes is really… fucking dumb, but the guy is nice and a great hand when you need one so, like, who’s he to judge.

His quirk is pretty uncreative, he “T4lks with gre4t 2e4l! =:D” replacing Z’s and A’s with 2’s and 4’s, and overusing emotes bc he’s an expressive boy.

His title is the Prince of Doom and his lusus is a bullfrog, a frog with a bullshark’s head and gills.

Calgia Atlais is either a violet blood or, if you have fun good times like I do and roll hard in your life, a fuschia blood and an heiress in line for the throne. She’s Ulyxes best friend and Audrit’s FLARP partner. Callie has a problem with being misunderstood in her intentions by people, the way she words things oftentimes denotes the wrong connotations. Maybe it’s because of her high social status, people just go into conversation with her expecting a superior and cold attitude that they just allow it to be their assumption of her without thinking any deeper into it. She gets frustrated easily by it, but she doesn’t have this problem with Ulyxes or Audrit though.

She’s got a heavy belief and investment in witchcraft and practices a sort of mix and match of wicca. Callie casts incantations and makes potions for the protection of her friends - especially Ulyxes with his rebellious attitude that’s dangerous to have - though whether her “spells” really DO anything is questionable. The results always vary, but she’s pretty sure she’s doing something good.

Arpegi particularly can’t stand Cal, because she’s got it in her head that Callie is trying to “steal” Ulyxes away from her - RP is convinced he’s supposed to be the Prince that saves her :Y - but the unfortunate thing is Callie has a huge flushcrush on Arpegi, and she really can’t seem to just tell her how she actually feels.

She “whisp3rs in the 14ngu4g3 0f th3 f0rg0tt3n c0v3n” by which I mean, the assigned asteroid numbers of Pluto, 134340.

Her title is Witch of Rage and her lusus - depending on what you subscribe to with fuchsias - is a clobster. a crab lobster with lots of claws that it fucking punches with.

*wrings my little hands* And then there’s dancestors…….. hueheueuhe

Artmis “But my friends call me Arttie” Mazdak is my fucking hero and I love him so much. God. He’s 9 sweeps old and grew up on an island with a small community of other islanders of varying bloodcasts and he dreamed of being out at sea, exploring a world he literally knows nothing about. He’s really dorky, for someone so charismatic and seemingly sure of himself he’s got some shakey self esteem and suffers sometimes in putting real faith in himself. Arttie and Audrit are a lot alike in their code of conduct, if they aren’t anything alike in personality: he has deep and unfaltering loyalty to his friends, isn’t one to question someones close held beliefs, and will without a doubt go to any means or lay down his own life for the greater good. Eyes on the prize for the benefit of others. The Mazdak boys are all about truth, justice,,,, and zestiness…….

Arttie builds boats hoping to get off his boring ass island and go be a real adventurer, he knows everything there is to know about navigation and always seems to find the best route to take even when he’s lost as shit, though “best” doesn’t always mean “right”, he got himself stranded once in the middle of the sea, but he met his flushcrush that way so WORKED OUT FOR HIM :Y

Anyway Art’s quirk is sort of particular compared to everyone’s. Basically though, he’s “Not tryin to brag or nofin> but ain’t nobody as exshiptional at knowin directions as him> an he’d be happy to kelp if he can*” this boy loves nautical wordplay and has an accent that makes him sound stupid (hes not stupid).

Jesus christ I love Arttie, i dont care that trolls dont have families he’s audrit’s big fucking brother and they love each other so much and hes so proud of his liTTLE BRO. ARGH.

His title is Mage of Hope and his Alternian counterpart is the Awakened Stargate, a famous historical figure who helped make important progress with intergalactic travel and laid the foundation for ethical “debates”, aka philoseviscery AKA “if your opinion is majority voted as bullshit you die”. He was secretly a passionate revolutionist and used his high social status to liberate lowblooded prisoners to freedom, taking them and himself to an unknown galaxy via an advanced starship he built. a legend as a boy and a man.

Fionah Trebol is Artmis’ kismesis, she’s 8 sweeps and a very trim and proper lady. Her soul dedication is in being a Tutor of Etiquette, she’s got no sense of humor and finds everything about Arttie to be a personal offense to everything she stands for. Disgusting.

Fionah is a stickler for rules and regulation, she keeps a tight schedule that seems to make everything around her bend to her will and keep to her rhythm. Things cower before her unreadable aura, which she loves, but Artmis doesn’t, which she hates.

She’s a private person in her beliefs, but she has some pretty strong ones. Religeon is a touchy topic and it would be rude manners to discuss it so openly, is her stance on the matter. Nobody bothers.

A cool fact: she has a trick weapon in the form of the strife specibus “hairclipkind”, she has a clip for the band at the end of her braid that turns into an axehead, and she wails it around like a flying guillotine. When you need some tough love.

She “~speaks QUITE LOUDLY and with a GR& SENSE OF &UTHORITY~ even if it RE&LLY ISN’T NECESS&RY~”. So she basically emphasizes her sentences where she doesn’t need to and replaces capital A’s (or “and” sounds) with &, all punctuation with ~’s

Her title’s Bard of Breath and her Alternian counterpart is the Lyricist, damned to a lifetime locked away in a sky high prison because her hypnotic voice would draw seadwellers to land where marauders would then jump them.

Kertez “Kurtis” Romeda is also my favorite child??? Next to Artmis???? He’s also 9 sweeps and is just. A Moron. He’s sporty, kind of like a typical jock hangin out with THE BOYS. Ruff about his turf, likes to surf, is a jerk. Kurt is extremely nihilistic and kind of rude, he’s spoiled so he sees himself as being above everyone else, even people in his own caste, but he’s private about his superiority complex which is… not better, but I guess he at least keeps it to himself? It certainly shows but he doesn’t rub his high opinion on himself in the face of others, not actively anyway.

Kertez is the reason Arttie got out of a bad situation, when Art stranded himself Kurt ended up finding him and helped him back to shore (degrading him the whole way). He REALLY thinks Art is out of his fucking mind and also thinks the nautical puns are lame, but he’s got a big gay secret crush on him anyway the fucking idiot. He’s so enamoured, his type is thick and cheesy.Artmis has gotten all their friends to think Kertez’s name is Kurtis because he heard him wrong when they met, and Kertez just… never corrected him.

He’s “4 little le22 enthu2i42tic 4bout being here, if you*re hone2tly wondering.”

He’s an Heir of Doom and his Alternian counterpart is the Achillan Watchman, who was in charge of guarding the Lyricist specifically. He disagreed with the Empress and in conjunction with the Stargate, helped free the Lyricist and thousands of other prisoners at the expense of his own life and reputation. He took the fall for the Stargate so his work wouldnt be wiped from history due to the betrayal.

Etheus and Isyfus Appate are younger, they’re like 7.5 sweeps, and unlike their descendants they aren’t attached at the horn, but they did hatch from the same egg and regard each other as two halves of the same whole person. Etheus acts as the mind and Isyfus takes over matters of the heart. He’s also the eyes of the operation, because Etheus was born blind.

They use their psychic abilities to help people struggling emotionally and are much kinder than their counterparts. They both offer phenomenal advice to due with personal growth and finding your inner self. Etheus and Isyfus claim they can commune with the past lives of an individual and doing so is part of their schtick.

On their own, Etheus doesn’t like to interact with anyone. They speak almost primarily through or with their brother, so doing so on their own is difficult and as a result they don’t have any close friends outside of Isyfus. They’re not extremely confident operating as a single unit, very much like their descendant. Out of selfishness, really, they don’t tell their brother that their spacial awareness is well enough that they can actually “"see”“ just fine without him.

Isyfus actually gets really exhausted operating as his other’s caretaker, he’s kind of a downer when he’s on his own and doesn’t have it in him to really give himself emotionally to anyone when he’s finally got time to himself to recharge. He’ll take long naps, either to try and get some energy back or to escape his other for a bit. He loves them, he really does, but it’s trying.

Etheus “doesn’t lyke takyng anyythyng from theyr brother yt myght make hym xpset”, and Isyfus “Ys happx to extend the same kyndness bx beyng juust as couurteous.” However “They both lYke to share, jUst when Yt reallY coUnts.”

Their titles are Maid of Space (Etheus) and Sylph of Time (Isyfus) and their Alternian counterparts were the Banyshed Apostyles - enslaved clairvoyants that predicted the coming of a prophet adopted in trust by the Empress’ higher court, using that trust to perform an act of Ultimate Betrayal. Their prediction wasn’t appreciated, so they were abandoned like garbage, and later down the line it was assumed the prophet was the Watchman.

LAAAAASTLY is Megera Atlais who is like, the least fleshed out of these losers because I like Calgia more than her lmao. A lot of her info is subject to change i think, but she’s 9 sweeps and very open and loud about her opinions and thoughts, so immediately everybody knows what she’s about. She loves juicy gossip and runs a cybernews blog about Big Internet Celebs for the express purpose of being a dickhead and spreading rumors.

She’s a nuisance to Kertez, they don’t get along very well but still stick to each other, she’s a lot like a little sister is to their older sibling. The only reason Kertez doesn’t just stop. Interacting with her, since she’s sort of toxic to his own sense of self worth, is because he knows at least a bit of her brash personality is all a front to keep people from picking on her relentlessly. She figures if she’s the first one to talk some shit then it makes her invincible to what anyone else says, and people will avoid getting on her bad side. It’s not great or healthy and Kurt feels pretty fucking sorry for her, but he ain’t her moirail so it’s not really his problem ykno.

Her quirk is to “talk mad shit o)+n anyo)+ne We want”, her O’s are replaced with o)+ and she uses royal We/Us (capitalized) in reference to herself instead of I’s and Me’s

Her title is Page of Rage and her Alternian counterpart was an Empress who lived hard and fast but not long, only long enough to have a solid reign of terror. She fucking hated lowbloods and wanted to keep them all in chains if she could, like most empresses so she wasn’t anyone special. She was dethroned after the Stargate rebellion destroyed her will and another heiress was able to take her life in her moment of weakness. She’s a very forgotten ruler.

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#anonymous #my fantrolls #homestuck #doddleys #fantrolls #im not tagging all these names individually

55 notes · View notes

unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

Text

tfw hating life enough for a reeadmooore

‪yesterday afternoon i’d blocked out 3 pgs in my sketchbook & by that night i was thinking like well i’m so close to finished the sketchbook finally (ive been using it about a yr and a half by now) that i could just stop drawing when i hit the end there‬

but i’d mentioned the impending end of my sketchbook space a friend is already in the process of sending over some they havent ever used so that will at least mean if i stop drawing it’ll just have to be because i want to lol

like in this case it’s special b/c of course i’ve had periods where i’m like smh what if i just don’t draw anymore, but that’s tended to be about being frustrated w some element or other of it all. this time it was mostly just that every day of my life i have a tiny bit less motivation or energy or etc. yesterday i was thinking all day about offing myself, which i’d done the day before, and done today too

like, it’s nothing new, i’ve been hating being alive and wanting to kms and only moving in the direction of less disappointment to more disappointment and having to care less about things i previously cared about because for one reason or another things get to a point where it only adds frustration to my life anymore

but despite depression and wanting to die and life being miserble all being Not New, that doesn’t mean that it doesnt matter anymore, because after day after day after day after day after day of it for years and years, you’re in a worse place than you were a while back, even if you do feel the same. even a single day of wishing you were dead the whole time is shitty enough. feeling overall like even if you’re in a good mood now, you know your life is trash and you’re going to go back to feeling bad soon, is also shitty enough

like the thing that drawing had going for me is that, like reading and writing sometimes and even some other shit, it’s something i like to do. i do it for myself, really. but it helps that its the way i trick ppl into being here in the first place to see anything i’m talking about. i have really crap appeal. i mean i’m bad at being appealing thru shit i draw, but it’s still way more of something anybody wants vs like five yrs worth of my text posts. like...i have over 10x more followers than i did on a blog where i rarely drew anything ever

but anyways despite me drawing b/c i enjoy it, i enjoy enjoying things less. always in the middle of that “loss of interest in pleasure” life lol.......it doesn’t really matter how long i do or don’t keep drawing, b/c i mean, it doesn’t much matter to me whether i’m having fun or not. i can be enjoying drawing and still wanting to die, because that’s whats happening lol.....nothing that’s a personal factor of my life is all that important to me, because my personal existence is not that important to the person living it

also it sure hasnt helped that my sense of things like whether my life can get better or i’ll have the opportunity to pursue my nonexistent dreams or live an ideal version of my life that also doesn’t exist are all at all-time lows and only just getting lower day by week by month by year. the only way i can even look at cheering myself up is from a day-to-day perspective. and i can have a slightly more fun day than usual and then be extra down on the very next day b/c of how being a bit less numb means you’re crap-feeling emotions are now game too. and i’m very aware of how, if you’re not in a position that insulates you enough, if things get worse for you, that makes “things getting worse for you” more likely, and it’s an exponential drop that gets harder and harder to climb out of, and even if you move back up a notch out of good luck, you’re still just as likely to be knocked back down to where you were. the odds of me suddenly not only not fucking hating being alive but also having a life that doesnt fucking make me hate being alive? that’s a funny joke

‪also it’s frustrating that whether i feel good or miserable on any given day only really exists if i say something about it in a post like this lol... like i might feel awful one day but if i dont have it in me to spend ages writing about it, which is difficult also b/c putting feelings into words where ppl will only fully Get It if they’ve felt that way too, anyways if i dont write about how shitty i feel and post it then maybe later on when i’m feeling a little better or feeling a different kind of shitty, i also won’t be interested in being like “oh btw i felt awful the other day.” and if i don’t mention it, as far as everyone in the world knows, it was never a thing that happened, so it might as well not have. i mean, as a person i might as well not be happening, especially since i don’t want me to be happening lol‬

and like i was saying to someone the other day, its a lot harder via text to talk about shit b/c like, if you’re with a friend in person, you can talk abt boring or silly things and its easy and makes a good conversation. whereas talking via twitter means it would be clunky and time consuming to layout exactly had empty and depressing my existence is, and silly shit isn’t even worth the energy when you’re having a convo w lengthy gaps in it, so you can only really talk about the broadest, most interesting shit. which i don’t have much of, oh well

i do like talking and talking to people actually, it’s just rough when it’s all a few ppl online, even though i alsp extremely appreciate those people and enjoy the talking. it’s like, chatting to ppl online is like a piece of chocolate cake. it’s delicious and you love it, but it would be amazing if it was the extra bonus on top of getting solid meals every day, instead of it being the only thing you have to eat and you get it maybe once or twice a week and it’s still wonderful and is all the more valuable for it, but it isnt the same as getting enough to eat always, or Knowing you’ll keep getting enough to eat

anyways my social life is always its own special kind of depressing, even when i AM in the same place as friends. you’d have a hard time finding a situation where the concept of What I Have To Say seems interesting or even relevant to other ppl. and im not sure i’ve ever been in groups where i feel totally comfortable with everyone there and don’t feel out of place. so talking about the idea of knowing you always have access to someone to talk to or be with in person or having friends who you know you can hang out with and they actually like you and you still expect to have them a few yrs down the road—all that’s always been a “well, in theory i mean” or “at least, i imagine it would be like that” issue for me

tbh i generally feel the most comfortable enjoying myself when i do something alone; maybe it’s because i have more experience of ppl im around treating me really shittily than treating me well

ohhhhhh wellllllllllllllll what else do i have to talk about. hmmm the fact that feeling like i wanna die only seems to be regarded as an issue of “well are you gonna or not,” aka if you havent its a Victory and a happy situation instead of it being a matter of EVERY DAY I’M A CONSCIOUS ORGANISM I WISH I WAS DEAD AND MY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION FOR AT LEAST THE LAST HALF OF IT

like how heartwarming that i’ve been actively suicidal for how many years? 6? 8? but i havent yet!! i always want to but just never get around to it and so this time for sure lol no more fooling around!! oh dammit and there goes another birthday still alive. like this is some elusive new years resolution or novel i mean to write.

funny i mention it because there’s practically nothing anymore that i want to do. even if i THOUGHT my life would ever become okay, i want fuckall out of it. i only exist, baby............and it’s like i said earlier, whenever i try to come up with a sad amount of potential motivations NOT to die, i have to realize that none of the shit is actually for me, or directly about me, or centered on me. like, this shit lost its charm ages ago.

well anyways. i suppose thats all i can think to say now. and it doesn’t make a difference whether i talk about my shitass existence and how crap i feel or not. it just gives the chance for a bit of it to exist in the world via a few other ppl being aware of it for a few minutes maybe, because who DOESNT want to thoroughly read a shit essay by some random weirdo about how everything sucks. the end

#i was innovative and typed this in twitter dark mode so my phone could have a break from me embedding the keyboard in the screen #anyways i wanna dye 😂😂😂

9 notes · View notes

imzephyrkai · 7 years ago

Text

All night i have been ranting on twitter. Tweet after tweet about several different topics, I am sure i am gonna lose a ton of followers for it on there. I dont really care at this time. I feel so hopeless. I am so depressed.. I just wanna die. I feel like i am never gonna get better and it sucks. I feel so not motivated to do anything. All i do are some chores but only because they have to be done and someone has to do them. When it comes to my creative stuff, I no longer feel the motivation. I have fallen into a even deeper depression because of it. I felt a tiny bit of want to draw at 11:30 last night so i got paper and some pencils and sat down to draw and nothing. I was so pissed so at midnight i took about 60MGs of adderall thinking maybe it would help me but no, I sat and did nothing for hours. Its now 6am and i hate myself even more now. I use to at least draw, do photography and write to help with my problems because it was the only thing keeping me sane but i just dont feel it anymore. Its really hard to explain because i dont hate those creative activities i use to do, I still actually love them, more than anything but i feel as if i dont see a point in doing them. So extreme that my mind wont let me do things, I feel as if ive gotten so depressed my mind has said fuck it, you arent gonna do anything at all even the things that are gonna probably help you. I really miss drawing guys, i really do, i wasnt the best artist or anything but some of it was okay. Some of the photography is more of an issue i have no idea how to connect my camera or SD card to my mac since i just got this computer and have never really used one. I tried googling it but i cant figure it out, see here is another problem, i should just find someone on facebook that knows how to connect the camera to a mac because i am sure at least one person on my facebook knows how.. but because i really dont like asking for help, i probably will never figure it out and my camera will just collect dust... i can tell you even if i could get those photos off of my camera i probably wouldnt edit them like i should, Id probably just upload them as is because i feel like my passion for my loves has been sucked completely out of me. Its such a horrible feeling. Like seriously i still actually love photography, drawing and writing its just my mind doesnt see a reason to let me enjoy things. Because i have been let down, mistreated and abused so much that my mind is like done. I think everyday about wanting to kill myself. Sometimes i wish i would wake up. That this is just a bad dream, that no one could have such a hard time and frustrating life but i dont wake up and i just wish i wasnt so chicken about killing myself. I dont know if its possible to get better, I dont know if i will ever be happy. So truly i dont know what the point in living is. Dont you think it would just make sense for me to kill myself? than i wont be suffering anymore. I wouldnt have to live a life that is just hurting me anyway. Its complete torture not being able to draw. It was the one thing i did for a long time to help me with my depression and anxiety. It was my escape, Seriously my mind will not let me do anything, i feel like i am being controlled. I feel like someone or something is controlling me and not letting me do things or be happy.

#depressed #tw

1 note · View note

homestucky · 7 years ago

Text

i need to have a nonsense rant because i need to say something bcaus its messing with my head (if u read all this u will probabky be like wtf why are u even thinking about that drama queen)

i been working on 4 courseworks over the past couple weeks and its been legit mad ive had two but deadlines the past 3 days and more to come

also ive been looking for a house for a next year which has been rlly stressful a) because it just is, looking for houses is stressful, and b) because i really wanted to live with someone else and not with some of the people im living with now but i was terrified of upsetting people so that was an ethical dilemma (spoiler alert i just ended up not saying anything so next yr i will be living with my current housemates)

anyways i tried to delegate responsibility because i was the only person trying to find somewhere for us to live but my housemates were barely doing anything which was annoying

anyways we went to view a house yesterday (which i found :^)) and afterwards one of my housemates who is like a really hard to read guy wouldnt say what he thought of it but eventually he was like yeah its good id happily live there

i told him to tell the truth and say somethng if he didnt like the house but he insisted he did

so i was like cool cool lets go for it

then my other housemate who exhausts me so much was like ‘but what if hes just saying that and he actually does mind’

and i was like well that would be on him wouldnt it because weve given him every opportunity to speak up

and he was like but i would still feel bad for him if we went for the house and he lived there the whole year and hated it

and i was like yeah but itd be on him

and he was like no but see im an extremely empathetic person. like, its a curse. i cant help it. if people feel bad then it makes me feel bad

and rfor some reason it just made me so angry because like. this is a guy who is completely clueless, obnoxious, self centred and irresponsible. he doesnt know how people are feeling and if he is confronted with people talking about their feelings he responds really badly (weve argued about it before)

so for him to turn around and humblebrag about what a nice person he is just made me so angry like he upsets me and frustrates me so much and he cant even tell most of the time so to say like ‘see it might not bother you but see unlike you i actually have empathy’ it just like really upset me because it was such a lazy use of ‘empathy’ like he never actually has to deal with peoples actual real important emotions because he never makes any decisions and if people mention their feelings he essentially tells them to shut up and im over here doing my best for people and having to draw a line sometimes because i know that if you TRULY are sympathetic to everyone who ever had a bad feeling i really doubt you’d have the energy to worry about one of your housemates not getting their first choice accommodation wise like jesus some people are out here dealing with real problems and youre acting like a martyr bcaus u pretend to be concerned about fake surface level easy problems

he refuses to take responsibility for anything real or important. ive basically been made ‘group mother’ bcaus of stuff like this which i never even wanted bcaus im so tired. like i do something for the group and hes like lol thanks mum ur so responsible anyways im gonna go get drunk and not answer my phone for 3 days like NO this is not for you!! im not looking after you!!! this is because someone HAS TO !! you can say see im just not that kind of person im irresponsible haha lol but that is a CHOICE and sometimes people ask things of you and sometimes you have to take responsibility and youre there with a doctors note like sorry i cant do anything of use its because of my inherent personality that i cant change

does he think i want to be doing this? making these decisions? does he think that answering peoples messages is something that he inherently, medically, is incapable of? becuase he is making DECISIONS in order to be this way and it makes me ANGRY

he always does this stuff that seems nice on the surface level but it always ALWAYS feels like its for show and it makes me so uncomfortable and i hate it. like when he cleans the house all while insisting he doesnt mind but then makes passive aggressive comments about how much he does for us under his breath for days i hate it

and he does stuff like light a candle for the memorial where a drunk student died last year every time we go past which is nice and all in theory but he always makes a thing of it like we will walk past and he’ll be like OH NO IVE FORGOTTEN MY LIGHTER. *no one responds* I WAS GOING TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR THE GUY YOU SEE. or running off to i quote ‘feed a homeless guy a churro’ like idk its nice in theory and so i feel crappy being critical of these actions but there is a level of it where im like .. he only puts effort into good, kind ‘empathetic’ things which require little to none actual emotional labour, then acts superior about it like everyone else is a monster

so much of what he does is a front and i guess when its a front he uses to do nice things thats not the end of the world

he just bothers me so much and i would love to not live with him but i also know that he doesnt know how much e bothers me and that i feel that way and i also know that he secretly is really sensitive (but i dont even think he knows he is) and he just constantly ‘’’’’’’’’mansplains’’’’’’’’’’ and corrects peioples grammar and he makes me so angry jashoferofnondcoamfcerfmperfihfouhqaofuh why do i make myself spend time with people who make me so unhappy

#personal // sorry #some #caps lock #i feel like a crappy person for this but ukno

2 notes · View notes

roaringheat · 6 years ago

Note

Wait so what happened to barrett, pleasE, i want to know more!

Im so happy you asked holy shit

Under a read more cause it’s just as long as the last one lmao

I really should have done this before talking about Morgan but im doing it now i guess!! So, starting over again, Barrett goes into the woods to experiment with plant photography cause Morgan likes the outdoors and Barrett wanted to gift him those plant photos as a kinda thank you for the camera thing. I also want to mention that both Barrett and Morgan are in their early to mid 20s rn. He’s wandering and taking pics along the way when suddenly he spots a big bush of pink marigolds. The kind of marigolds that are bigger and have a bunch of smaller ruffled looking petals. He’s immediately intrigued and he doesn’t know exactly why but he starts walking towards it. He’s never seen pink marigolds before and there seemed to be some kind of glow about them so because of that, he crouches down to get some close up pics. The bush suddenly lashes out, immediately grabbing hold of him and dragging him in and thorns that weren’t there before are now suddenly digging into his skin. At this point, he’s thrashing around and being pretty loud which catches the attention of someone named Muriel as she steps into view. She’s a black woman in her late 30s who could be described as a “witch” kind of but i dont really think that term suits her. She’s brandishing an axe covered in charms, got this iridescent cloak sort of outfit, has some gold lines on her face, and both her eyes are this solid dark blue. No pupils or anything. But yea she happens upon this scene cause she was out on a routine check to find and destroy things that have gotten mutated due to the “magic” she does in her house nearby. This plant in particular had basically mutated pretty far to the point where it became basically a carnivore. The reason Barrett was attracted to it so quickly was,because of the mutation, the plant could attract/lure humans and some animals within reaching distance so it could attack and eat them. Everything caused by the mutation is the “glow” Barrett saw which was actually a faint pink aura, the ability to move, and the thorns which were used kinda like venom in the way that with enough of it its supposed to kill the victim quickly so that the attacker can eat with ease. So Muriel is feeling pretty responsible for Barrett being in this position so she goes over and gets him out of there and kills the bush with her axe. The plant managed to get a bit of the venom stuff in Barrett’s system so he’s weak and kinda just passes out after getting saved. Muriel hoists him over her shoulder and takes him back to her house a little further into the woods. She genuinely feels like shit for indirectly being responsible for this so she decides to keep an eye on him til he’s ok again. Barret wakes up in a spare shitty bed in Muriel’s place in the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt all over him as if his whole body was on fire. He launches himself out of bed but just drops to the ground again basically screaming. and Muriel bursts into the room and doesn’t know what to do but she sees him on the ground in pain and then notices he now has this pink aura around him and it starts clicking into place for her. Basically with the venom from the plant, its kinda like a zombie bite. The intent is to kill but if bitten and then left alive, the person would turn into a zombie. In this situation with the plant, the venom was never meant to turn others but yet since Barrett got the venom in his bloodstream and wasnt killed, the plant has basically grown in his body and given him all it’s abilities including some extra stuff. But yea back to the scene, he’s basically begging her to stop the pain in any way possible and so she knocks him out. When he wakes up the 2nd time, the pain is a lot more dull but now he’s freaking out cause he’s now noticing the pink aura and like he almost fuckin died and now he’s in some stranger’s house. Muriel explains to him all of what happened and Barrett is kinda a dick to her cause he absolutely doesnt trust her and i mean like he’s a white man in the 1920s. Ofc Muriel doesn’t take too kindly to that but she’s convinced if she lets him leave while he has no control over the shit that he got into, he’ll get killed. So he stays with her for about a year and eventually they warm up to eachother. That whole year, they both learn most of what exactly Barrett can do now. As far as appearance, his eyes have changed into this shimmery pastel pink and he’s gained that same pink aura that the plant had so his whole body looks tinted pink. They make him look pretty fuckin inhuman so Muriel teaches him how to suppress it so he look normal. It’s easy for him to do (just a bit uncomfortable) as long as he’s in a stable mental state and as soon as he stops holding it back, it’ll come right back out again. As for abilities, He can grow and control those marigolds branches/vines from his skin, heal quicker and more efficiently so he’s a lot harder to kill (although serious wounds can still take him a couple days to heal), and he’s gained the same attraction ability that the plant used to lure victims. This mainly makes people immediately trust him and easier for him to manipulate which comes into play a lot later on. Then they find another ability of his thats completely different than anything the plant had and this one is 100% my favorite. If Barrett is making physical contact with someone else’s skin, he can bring out the most recent emotion that person is feeling towards the person theyre looking at and like amplify it to the extreme. So like for example, if person A is mildy frustrated at that moment with person B and theyre looking person B, when Barrett uses that ability on person A, itll amplify that frustration and make person A suddenly extremely hostile towards person B even if they would never hurt person B normally. It always depends on the most recent feeling towards someone so a lot of the time Barrett has no way of knowing what he’s amplifying and which emotion will come out. Depending on how much effort he puts into using this ability, this effect can last from 15 minutes - an hour. Its harder for him to use it on anyone who isnt human so he has to put significantly more effort and usually wont last as long as it would on a human which i absolutely did on purpose cause i introduce more nonhuman characters later and its really cool. The way to tell if someone is under that effect (other than the abnormal behavior ofc) is that theyre eyes will turn the same shade of pink as Barrett’s are when he’s not holding everything back. The draw backs to using this though is that the more effort he puts, the harder it is for him to keep himself looking normal. So if he were to use that ability with like full force, he wouldnt be able to hold back the aura, eye color, or any branches growing from him. So basically he has to be real careful. Its really useful for fights/ self defense tho which i have a lot of scenes like that planned out. But yea Barrett and Muriel find this out cause he accidentally does it on Muriel during an arguement. Muriel is looking at Barrett at that moment and was currently feeling immense guilt for everything that happened to him so when Barrett accidently amplified that she just starts sobbing. It doesnt last long cause although Muriel is technically human, she has some powers herself due to “worshipping” this beetle god which is a whole nother story lmao. But yea anyway, Barrett learns how to control all his shit over that whole year staying with Muriel and once they both think he’s gotten a decent amount of control, Barrett goes back to normal society and brings Muriel with him since theyve gotten really close in that period of time. Muriel tells him not to tell anyone in fear that he’ll be hurt but he doesn’t really listen. And like you guys already know he goes to Morgan and then Virginia and tells them all about everything that happened. Virginia takes it a lot better than Morgan obviously. For a short period of time before Morgan starts going crazy, Barrett, Muriel, Virginia, and Morgan all become like a kind of friend group. Once Morgan starts getting paranoid and reclusive, it gradually falls apart. Muriel has been staying with Virginia since coming with Barrett back to society which is why she was there when the hitman Morgan hires is threatening Virginia. You guys know the basics of all of what happens next pretty much. There’s more scenes with Virgina in between this and Morgan’s death but they aren’t really major scenes. She does try a few times to fix everything with Barrett and Morgan but obviously it doesn’t work out. So skipping to after Barrett and Muriel flee, like i said Barrett is never caught cause ya know 1920s crime investigations were shit lmao. The murder does cause uproar for a while cause of how weird it is what with all the flowers and Morgan’s weird behavior before his death. and cause Morgan was almost famous. Barrett becomes pretty untrusting towards humans after this and as the years pass with Muriel he gets to the point of just straight up hating them and hating being referred to as one. I have ideas for events that happen in between the 1920s and modern times for Barrett and Muriel but don’t have anything set in stone yet. Around late 1920s early 1930s they discover that Barrett’s aging has also been affected. At this point they dont know how much but its obvious hes gonna have a longer life span than most humans. Barrett gets really upset thinking about out living Muriel and basically begs her to work some “magic” so she’ll live longer cause she’s pretty much the only person he trusts completely. Muriel says no cause tampering with the natural cycle of things rubbed her the wrong way. They get into an argument where Barrett is mainly just pleading with her and she storms out. While she’s out tho she decides to do it for him and arranges some stuff to pause her aging until she decides to let it keep going again. There’s drawbacks to this kinda magic of course but i still havent decided what exactly. So basically after this point her body stays aged in her early 40s. Years past and its modern times and Barrett and Muriel are now a little over 100 years old. Barrett’s only aged about 15 years since now he looks to be in his early 40s as well. He’s definitely adapted with the current life style a little bit but still really keeps an old timey way of speech and clothing style. He’s changed a bit personality wise due to being alive so long tho. Him and Muriel have become very nihilistic. Barrett still really resents humans especially with how his attraction ability makes them all so trusting of him and predictable which has gotten boring for him. He’s kinda gotten a bit of a superiority complex due to believing he’s above humans in every way but learns to be charming and fake nice around them to not raise suspicion. Then they meet those 2 nonhuman ocs i briefly mentioned earlier! I got a lot of plot stuff for modern times as well as currently working on figuring out more stuff for Muriel and Barrett back in the 1930s and 40s but this has gotten insanely long and probably more than you even wanted to know so ill leave it at that!

#acro rambles #it means a lot that you actually wanted to hear more you have no idea #i never get to talk about my ocs despite how much i love this particular group of them #lmk what u guys think im really proud of this!!#this whole storyline is far from done and im absolutely gonna add tons more stuff in the 1930s and 40s #but yea if you guys are interested ill post some art of Barrett and any other characters u want to see #i love Barrett so damn much tbh he's the first oc in this whole storyline and he sparked the whole thing #what started it all was i had a really vivd dream like 2 years ago and Barrett was someone in it #obvs he was just an idea then but i took that and ran with it and now here he is being a fully fleshed out character with unique qualities #and a whole ass story #also if yall wanna hear more about Muriel or those 2 nonhuman ocs i didnt introduce hmu #i dont have as individual story for them yet but i got their characters down pretty well #if you read this whole post btw ily #anon #ask

0 notes

monsterloveday · 7 years ago

Text

The Wonderful Struggles Of The Creative Mind.

So if your a creative you will understand this. If you are not - you wont. There seems to be a “Im a creative” community where we all seem to understand each other with our frustrating complications. That stamp on our heads that causes SO much complexity in life. But its something that we don't dare wish to trade. It is definitely a love hate relationship.

Its like an annoying pain that you don't wish to cure because in the end you get so much out of it - you grow from it, you progress from it, but it never comes easy or for free. You have to go through that bit of suffering for it. For some reason it always reminds me of pregnancy and childbirth, when you finally get to see your finished piece and you think “it was all worth it” haha. And when its done you feel relieved, exhausted, but that natural high is luring you in to do another piece soon - yet you know you will stress to high hell when your in the process again. But you want to get better, you want to learn more and more - it almost feels like there is no end to it as your work or the stage you're in will never be enough. Im not saying Im this pro artist, I am still just dipping my toes into the creative pool, but I know its something that is naturally within me, I definitely need to improve and learn as much as I can, but I know that ‘seed’ needs to be nurtured, its up to me to help it grow, that I would have failed or wasted it if I don't bring out. Its a ‘gift’ that was given to me, its my way of contributing to the world - well thats the way I see it. Kinda of like if you imagine a beautiful violin made from the finest materials, with hours of craftsmanship being put into it, but it never gets played.

Looking at other peoples work can be good and bad. Its good for inspiration / ideas. But sometimes you'll look at other peoples work and it kicks your works ass. ”I want to be as good as that, but will I ever be?” - the feeling of inadequacy and constant competition will never leave you - so its best to just embrace your particular skill or look and see that as your personal stamp on it. It is best to only be in a competition with yourself.

But sometimes that is so hard. There is never a 50 50 life with us, we are one extreme to the other - so focused and in the zone and determined to get somewhere with this ‘gift’ or so unfocused and completely lost because our art isn't going as we want and with that everything else in life seems to follow suit. Art is very emotionally draining for me. Its like a domino effect for me, when I am happy in life, my art stuff blossoms and I feel like my life has purpose and is on the way to going somewhere, whereas when I am not doing life so well, my art and everything I once took pleasure in falls to the wayside, which again leads to a downward spiral. Its a hard thing to get out of once it happens, I think thats why we have terms like ‘Art block’ / ‘Writers block’. I think creatives expect more from life. From seeing so much beauty around us, we also see so much pain - we are the happiest and most depressed. If I were to only work in a job I didn't give a crap about for my rest of my life and just exist, Id be left thinking... “Is this it?, is this ALL there is too it?, what about reaching my goals and having that reassurance that I got to the place I was REALLY meant to be in, that I knew there was something better destined for me, I wasn't supposed to just ‘work to live’.

I dont think we have it in us to just do ‘the simple life’. How wonderfully annoying this is, because having a simple life would indeed be a lot less stressful, but it would certainly be a lot less magical - this is why its so hard to obtain but we refuse to live without it. It steers us to a path that is stressful yet so for filling. Dont get me started on job hunting in an academic world. Creative jobs are nearly always seen as ‘unrealistic’ and the world tries to suck you in into the office / mundane jobs of life that are easy to obtain and you can stay in for years and years and years because you will always need to pay the bills. Its a inner battle with yourself - what you want, and what is easy. Just seeing the words ‘Company’ / Insurance / Admin just sucks the life out of me. Its because I JUST. DONT. CARE. I dont care about these kinds of jobs, I don't care if I never progress in them, I don't care if Im crap at them. Because I just don't give a shit about them and I hate not giving a shit!. I want to love what I do, I want to be skilled and I want to care. I want to be used. But unfortunately the jobs that will for fill you are like hidden gems and very rare. This is another temptation to just let it all go. But I cant. Imagine a world where you Google jobs and it gives endless artistic options and not academic crap where you don't actually understand the job description and you don't have to pretend to be ‘one of them’ and you don't end up re evaluating your whole life! haha. I would love to see a load of academics / uncreatives apply for things like drawing, painting, singing, acting or sculpting when they know they have no interest or skill for it whatsoever but they have to force themselves to do it just to pay their way in life!. THIS is what its like! This isn't to say that you need to get a job related to your craft, just doing it as a hobby can be enough to get the fix in you. Its hard to figure all this stuff out, and which direction you should take. I also find not being around creative people is so hard. Being around creative people that understand, that encourage you and push you, its like we are all so supportive of each other and understand the struggles. We can look at things and dissect whats awesome about it and talk for ages. I always say that being around creatives ‘Feels like home’. I miss this so much and its almost like the creative part of me gets sucked out of me when Im not around my ‘fellow creatives’. Its like they say being around negative people makes you feel negative - this works in the same respect when it comes to creative people - they make you thrive!. But what ever your art may be... It is your freedom, it is your voice, it is your expression. It is so personal and unique to you - its important. It makes the world beautiful, more interesting and way more enjoyable and exciting. The arts are everything good about life and we would be lost without them. It is a huge part of what makes you you, don't let that go, even though it can be the most annoying thing about you. Show the whole world what you have and don't stop, regardless of the constant battles having it will throw at you. Im a hypocrite for saying this, and I should say it to myself - Don't give up. It may take years and years of sacrifice, being poor, not having your own place or car haha!. But good things take time. Don't give up on you. I like to think and hope that if you keep working at it, it will repay you in some way, whether this means in a job or just a personal achievement. I hope i am right about this =). (Id also like to say that being talented in something is VERY sexy ;P) Be back soon Jay Monster.

1 note · View note

dennysverse · 8 years ago

Note

Sect 19, 22, 24, 31, 34 thats a lot oops hope thats cool w you

its ALWAYS cool w me dont worry!!also whhooops i wrote a lot and im on mobile so i cant tag rip

19 - What do they think about before falling asleep at night?this is an odd one, because sect lives by the advice that people give you about sleep hygiene taken to a whole new extreme. you know, the stuff about how beds are for sleeping and you should go find something else to do if you find yourself awake for too long. well, in sect’s mind, if he’s awake for more than ten minutes while trying to sleep, that means that he obviously doesn’t need to sleep yet, and he’s totally good to spend another 12 to 72 hours awake doing things besides worrying about potential nightmares or thinking about tragic backstories. so if sect is going to sleep, it’s highly likely it won’t even be at night, and he probably will have been awake long enough to be incapable of doing much thinking before he passes out from exhaustion.

22 - Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?notes. so many notes. this is the guy that you put into any kind of survival situation and the first thing he goes for is a pen and paper. he pretty much lives this scenario in hexxit, spending his time recording everything and anything that wanders into his train of thought. if there’s absolutely nothing to do or write about, he tends to resort to re-recording old notes or inventing new shit- even if it’s just on paper. give him an hour and enough paper and he’ll produce some complicated theoretical doohickey just shy of completely useless.

24 - Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?sect exists to intellectually pursue things. there’s no real singular subject he’s focused on, dabbling in pretty much anything that will occupy him for a significant amount of time. the name of the game is “keep sect busy enough to not think too hard about the inevitability of death,” and sect has been winning it for about 40 years now. there is one skill that he completely lacks any talent in, and that’s languages. while most riots have a knack for learning new langauges, sect totally fails at it. communication is pretty hard for him- more on that later.

31 - Most prized possession?most riots’ prized possessions are their goggles. that’s a pretty obvious one. however, you might notice that if sect owns a pair, he doesn’t ever wear them.and that’d be because he doesn’t own a pair. most of his family’s precious possessions were left behind when he was a small child, so there’s no family heirlooms to cling on to. sect has basically none of the normal things that would allow him to fit in with other riots. no goggles, no skill with languages… what he does have, however, is a wedding ring.it’s both a cursed item for him and his most prized possession. he’s tried to get rid of it in fits of manic rage more than once, but he always tearfully goes back for it when he’s exhausted himself. he doesn’t wear it on his finger, he keeps it on a simple cord around his neck. (his other, even more secret prized possession is a simple drawing that he keeps tucked in one of his many journals that he keeps hidden in the walls of his own ship.)

34 - Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)sect is weird about privacy. sometimes he’ll shut himself away at even the most well-meaning prodding, sometimes he’ll callously admit to existing in a continuous state of anxiety and self loathing with zero visible emotional attachment. he has trouble with communication in a lot of ways, the first and foremost being that his brain works against him. he often ends up with racing thoughts that go too fast for him to properly articulate, which leaves him irritated when he makes a logistical leap and leaves everyone else in the conversation behind. he’s really really bad at explaining anything to anyone. do not ask him to teach you anything. it’ll just frustrate both of you.he also has paranoid and psychotic tendencies because, yknow, this is my character we’re talking about here, and what would my characters be without paranoia and the horrible experiences that are tactile hallucinations!so my point is that sect doesn’t really LIKE his privacy. sect feels like he REQUIRES his privacy or else any number of horrible things (that he’s trying not to worry about and failing) can and WILL occur because he’s renat volkov- and the statement falls a little flat because he doesn’t go by riot anymore- and the universe HATES him.so depending on the alignment of the stars, the phase of the moon, and where sect is in the endless cycle of hell that is bipolar depression, a well meaning question about his sleeping habits will either get you a surprisingly accurate impression of a hissing cat scuttling away into the darkness, or a bright smile and a ten minute lecture on the incredible meaninglessness of your small corner of the infinite universe and how absolutely nothing any of us do can change anything. or as a third option, decided completely randomly, he might just tell you the truth, or an elaborate lie, or both at once. in short, sect is fairly unpredictable.

#sect #lore #renat #too

2 notes · View notes

bookwormruler-blog · 8 years ago

Photo

So this wonderful and amazing image belongs to the even amazing artist @jamjams-doodledees check their awesome art! Dont forget to comment and heart!

CHAPTER 1

How old is something before it’s considered history? How long must it sit, buried far from the eyes of time? And why must we dig it up?

“Huh,” I huffed as I read the sort inquiry on the brochure. On the front was a photo of the museum that I stood in. So far I found nothing, but a few pieces on the history of my small town. I lived in a relatively city, known to most as Arcadia Oaks. Mostly simple businesses, a hospital, high school, and a wonderful little café not far from where I lived.

But to most of us who live here, we know it as home.

“Alright class, let’s keep moving. We have lots to see and not enough time.” Our teacher, Mr. Stricklander yelled out over the mingling voices of teens. Mr. Stricklander was an odd fellow, or at least that’s how my mother puts it. Though I conquer with her, that’s not how I would put it. More so, he's… weird.

Really I don’t know how to put it. The man seems like a gentlemen, talks like a gentlemen, even breathes like a gentlemen. But there something different about the man. I just feel it. Maybe it’s the fact that he stands 6’, looks like s textbook college professor. From the turtleneck sweater to the men’s shoes, I’m tellin’ you, something about this man screams weirdness.

Stricklander clears his throat rather loudly in attempt to gain the attention of the class. Doesn’t work. So he put two fingers to his mouth and gives off a shrill whistle. Ow… that hurt. Yet, it works. Fifteen sets of eyes meet his.

“Thank you. Shall we?” He said tersely. The large group of students followed on his heels. I stayed to the back so that I wouldn’t be trampled. Since I could remember, I’ve had this frustrating ability to not be seen. I don’t know if people just don’t like seeing me or they simply can’t. And I absolutely hate it. Though sometimes it does have its pros, such as when fleeing from unneeded confrontations.

“Don’t fall behind Ms. Judges, don’t want you to get lost.” Of course my teacher would be the one to see me. I puffed out my cheeks and turned scarlet from embarrassment. “Yes sir.” I nodded.

A couple of my peers whispered and laughed at me, pointing their fingers in my direction. No discretion in their part. I pulled into myself, but followed. I’ve gotten used to it, but still it hurts.

Stricklander led us to different exhibits. Some interesting, some not so much. I was losing interest very quickly, yawning with boredom. But then we came to one of the last exhibits. Suddenly, all tiredness was gone. I piqued.

It was a glass container, in the middle was a teal blue pillow, and on the pillow was a stone. Really, it looked like a cross between a gem and a stone. It was a small tanzanite, barely the size of my pinky nail. Yet, in terms of this gem, that is quite large.

It would seem that I wasn’t the only one who paid more attention here, a pair of boys were spying the gem with a gleeful look. It was Jason and Erik, two of the world’s dickiest people. Numerous times I’ve come home with bruises to both my skin and pride because of them. It always feel like I’m their favorite target.

I pushed my way through the gaggle of students to the front. Coming face to face with the gem, a shiver ran up my spine. I stared at the purplish-blue stone, the longer I stared the more I saw of the gem. I almost missed how the tanzanite seemed to hold a flame in the center of it. Just the way it glistened and shone.

Stricklander grinned at the enthusiasm the class showed at this certain exhibit. “Can anyone tell me what kind of stone this is without reading the sign?” A hand in the middle went up. Stricklander pointed to it, “Yes, Mr. Palchuk?”

Steve smiled arrogantly, “It’s a shiny stone.” And there went all my faith in humans. I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. A student to my left stifled a laugh by covering their mouth. Steve wasn’t the smartest cookie in the tin. In all honest reality, the dude was an idiot. He was your everyday jock. Wearing a blue polo shirt everyday and parting his hay blond hair.

Stricklander’s right eye twitched comically, “Close but not close enough Mr. Palchuk. Anyone else care to try?” A pregnant pause befell the group of teens. No one was going to answer, so raised my hand.

“Go ahead Ms. Judges.”

“It’s a tanzanite. One of the world’s rarest gem due to how sparsely located they are geographically.” I said timidly, but clearly. Oh now you people see me? Stricklander’s eyebrows rose in surprise. I guess he didn’t think I would know that.

Ha! Take that.

My teacher folded his arms, “Care to elaborate in further detail?” Fourteen pairs of eyes snapped to mine. See me now do we?

“Sure. Like I said before, they are extremely rare because they are only found in small part of Tanzania. Before they are cut the stone look mostly like the one you see here, but when cut, they become more of a blue color,” I motion to the glistening gem. “Though it is said that their prices now will go up even more when the mines are stripped.” A couple jaws dropped. What? So I like shiny things, as Steve puts it.

Stricklander chuckled and thanked me. He told us about this particular gem and why it was here at the museum. Apparently, it was found by the founders of the town back why then, but they didn’t know at the time what gem it was so they thought it held magical properties. For a long time it was lost to the eye of the public for fear of it being stolen, only recently it was reopened for the public.

Glancing to the two boys staring at the gem I could wonder why.

Finally, Stricklander informed us that that was the end of our field trip. Some of us were in walking distance of home while the rest were taking the bus back to school. However, I wanted to stay a little longer.

Waiting for the rest of the class to disperse and then walking up to Stricklander. “Mr. Stricklander, is okay if I call my mom and ask if I may stay a little longer? There are some exhibits that I saw but we didn’t have time for them.”

“Do you have a way to get home?” He asked.

“It’s not a far walk from here to my house. Besides it would be for me to get some exercise. Please?”

Stricklander looked at me from the corner of his eye, contemplated it, “Very well, but call you mother first. I don’t want you to be left here with out her knowing.” I grinned and nodded enthusiastically. Stepping away, I pulled out my phone. I entered my password and pulled up the dial. Mom was on speed dial so I was soon listening to a ring speaker.

:‘Hello?’: Mom’s voice crackled.

I smiled, “Hey Mom, is okay if I stay behind at the museum? There’s some more I wanted to see.”

I heard her setting something down, more than likely a cup.

:'Sure. Just be home before they lock you in.’: She joked. I smiled and we said our goodbyes and our I-love-yous. I informed Stricklander of Mom’s decision and he bid me farewell, telling me he’d see me on Monday. Thank god today was Friday!

I watched with glee as the rest of my class went their separate ways, leaving me alone here. “Finally, peace and quiet.” I sighed with relief. A quick once over of the museum, I was surprised to find it empty apart from me. I suppose there were some workers here.

“Now what to do,” I tapped my chin. I settled on wondering around the large building. My shoes made a tapping sound that echoed through the hollow hallways. Just to counteract the silence, I started humming a song. And I let my feet take me.

………….

“Okay now I’m lost.” I admitted. Doing a 360’, I didn’t recognize a damn thing. White walls rose up all around me, columns and arches created shadows signaling that it was late. Probably time to get my behind home. If only I can… Ah ha! With glee I rushed to a door that had an 'Employees Only’ sign on it. Maybe I can ask for some directions.

Just as I gripped the cool metal handle a crash came from down the hall. Down the dark hall. I slowly let go of the handle and silently made my way to the location of the crash. Being cautious with my steps, until they were nothing.

When another crash sounded, I pressed myself against the wall. A column was shielding from view. Someone was yelling. Boy did they sound mad! I held my breath at the sound of footsteps. They were a haunting sound.

“I swear those things are the most idiotic beings ever!” Wait, I recognize that voice! Air got stuck in my throat as Mr. Stricklander walked out from the room directly in front of me. The one that was only separated from me by the thick column.

If I was a animal, I’d be pinning my ears to my head in an attempt to hide better. But I was up against a wall.

Stricklander was acting odd, odder than normal. He was pacing and ranting on about some bridge. Was he thinking of becoming an architect? Could be doing some landscaping. Then something freaky happened. He turned to face me, but not see me, and his eyes were freakin’ glowing!

Straight up night lights! Unlike their normal green eyes with the whites they were now yellow, like headlights on a car. There went the neighborhood.

A chill went up my spine. What. The. Hell? What was he?

He grumbled something under his breath before stomping back into the unknown room. I scrunched up my face, did my teacher just throw a fit?

Wait. He’s my teacher. Monday’s gonna be weird…

Mom used to tell me that I got into the most trouble when I was little, said it was because I was so curious. I wanted to know everything and why. Still do get into trouble, but not as much due to the angel on my shoulder.

But I guess my angel wanted to know what was in that room just as much as I did.

Drawing up as much as my fleeting courage, I peeked my head around the column wearily. At first I didn’t see anything other than more walls and columns, but then a light came from the room Stricklander walked into.

I had to see what was in there.

So far I hadn’t been seen, so I peeked out a little further. I saw a little bit of the room, mostly just coverings on the walls. Taking a step out from the behind the column, I saw more. Just I don’t think I was supposed to. Because the moment I saw what looked to be a pile of stone, I noticed Stricklander exchanging a conversation with something that looked like a lovechild between a mountain and a bigfoot.

And that lovechild saw me.

He said something to my teacher who snapped his head to me. I will never forget Stricklander’s expression. A mix between shock and… fear? He yelled something out, but it was too late. I turned foot and ran.

“Shitshitshitshitshit…” I cussed and I ran. The word almost serving as a chant, telling to get my shit together and ran like hell!

I slid around a corner, almost falling, would have if not for stabilizing with my hand. I could hear the lovechild on my heels. Dude sounded heavy.

Dear god, is this how I’m gonna die? Death by evil villain who was corroborating with my weird teachers? Could be worse.

Damn asthma… my chest was already burning. Breathing was getting harder and harder to do. But I pushed past it, my will to stay alive was stronger.

I didn’t know where I was going. I was taking random corners hoping to throw the creature off. But it still kept on my ass. At this point I was tempted to stop and quit. Never was a big runner.

However, I saw an exhibit that I recognized. It was the tanzanite! Which meant the entrance wasn’t far, maybe once I was outside I could loose this lug! With renewed hope and determination I hauled ass to the door.

So close! So close to freedom and life!

I was about two feet from the door handles when the lovechild dropped down from the skies, blocking me. I yelped as I collided with its stone hard body. Ow… that’s going to leave a mark. If I live…

Everything was fuzzy. I must have hit my head.

Laughter.

It was laughing at me. Laughing at me! I gazed up with a dazed look at the creature. Even with the daze, I could see some key features. Such as the yellow and red eyes, dude, those are brighter than Stricklander’s! The creature’s main color variation was black and grey. It hand small tusks that jutted out from its bottom jaw, making me assume it had an underbite. Two horns curved down and in from its head. One looked like it had been broken off, the tip was gone.

Two straps made of something I didn’t recognize crossed over its chest, they met at a kilt like cover. It had its cover decorated with skulls of unknown creatures. On its right forearm is had a band. And two… swords?

It was also buff. Like… REALLY… buff. If I wasn’t so dazed, I’d say it wasn’t bad lookin’. Better than some humans I’ve seen.

I met its glowing orbs and wasn’t scared. Woah. I must have it my head pretty hard. I blinked and tried to push myself away from the creature. But then it spoke.

“Keep running. I like a good chase.” Oh. My. God.

With a voice like that, I’m good right here. Dear lord I sound like a hormonal teenage girl, oh wait, I am one. I giggle drunkenly at my joke. The creature furrowed its brows in confusion.

“Help me up and I’ll get back to running.” I huffed.

“Why would I help you when I’m just gonna kill you?” It asked snarkly.

I stuck my tongue out at it. Fine be that way, then I wont be going anywhere with you. I shakily got to my, thinking I was doing it gracefully like a deer, in reality, I looked like a newborn giraffe. When I started to tremble, I boldly put a hand on tall dark and stone.

Now stabled, I took some steps. Only to fall back on the ground.

“You know this ground is actually comfier than it looks. I think I’ll go to sleep right here.” I yawned and curled into a ball.

A pair of footsteps came running in mine and the creature’s direction. I was too tired to see who it was. All I wanted was sleep. And damn it, I was gonna get some.

“What happened?!” Oh it was Stricklander. He sounded exasperated, maybe from running? The creature leaned over my curled up form. I hummed and rolled over to look back at it.

“This fleshbag’s still alive… I’ll grab her.”

“Don’t eat her, Bular.” Stricklander’s voice was commanding. Even more than he is in school. He’d been holding out no me, I feel so offended.

Wait. He said the creature’s name. Bular… actually that’s a cool name. Cool name to go with a cool creature.

“I won’t.” Bular stated as he leaned closer to my face. His features were shimmering away in black particles, along with everything else. Slowly, my sight turned dark.

#bular #trollhunters #stricklander #walter strickler

96 notes · View notes