#i dont think he realises what it does to other people too

[subway-intercom]

.

[gu6chan]

the brief mention that 1.3 leonard could still be feeling some deep lingering grief over his brothers' deaths still never fails to fascinate me tbh like, does he think of the standards he must have lost since their passing and feel guilt? or does he see them in every child he abuses??? does he keep his grief to himself or does he find it a useful anecdote to what must be a countless number of families dealing with loss??? does the green dragon know? does he confide in it????? since leonard seems to be aware of what arioch lost to the union, just how aware is/was she in what HE lost???????? did they have a role in each other's loss? is THAT where their beef came from??????? im going to merge into a wall

[lemmetreatya]

actor!armin who always plays innocent, helpful characters on screen but is a manipulative menace in real life.

when press conferences and interviews come around, he knows how to put on an act; sweet smiles, careful attention to younger children and their fumbled words, barely any contact when it comes to female colleagues. when fans catch him outside of the studio, he’s friendly and never shuns admirers away. actor!armin knows he has the whole thing down to a T and has never had to worry about his exposure of behind the scenes behaviour.

but when it comes to you, his most trusted fan site runner, actor!armin doesnt know what draws him to you.

you’re fucking crazy, he thinks — follow his press tour routes, know most of his family and friends on a personal level. hell, sometimes you post updates on schedules even he hasn’t found out yet

actor!armin wants to get rid of you; really and truly, because you make him feel a way about himself that no one else does. you seem to glorify him on a level he’d hate to attain. yes, actor!armin wants people to worship the ground he walks on, but you seem to worship his very being.

“don’t you have any family to fucking attend to? friends? a life?”

actor!armins cornered you around the block wall of the studio although hes due up on stage in 15 for the press release of his latest action film. all he wanted to do was take a quick smoke break, have a breather! but he couldn’t even have that as you too seem to be round the back too.

with a snort, you dont even mind the way he heaves a wad of spit near your foot. did he think that was going to push you away??

“what, you think i do this for free?” a sweet giggle leaves your mouth along with the wad of smoke you puff into his face. “your pa pays me too handsomely for me to walk away because simply because you told me to.”

actor!armin wheres a confused look on his face because actually yes, he did think you did this for free. now that he thinks about it, the fact you were being paid for this makes sense, but he just never thought that was the case. as you watch his face, you realise that too.

“you didnt know?! fuck, you’re more pathetic than i imagined.”

actor!armin doesnt know why but he feels his straight trousers grow slightly uncomfortable at your words. and of course you notice that too because as his mouth gaps for lack of answer, you’re raising your knee between his crotch — the ghosting sensation causing him to slip out an unsolicited moan.

“just think…” your free hand comes down to palm at his trousers in replacement of your knee, your other hand letting you take another drag of your cigarette.

“imagine if people knew just how nasty you were. if all your fans were aware about what the sick type of fuck you were — mighty and worshipped armin arlert getting off to user arminofficialupdates at the back of a conference building, gets hard off of an insult. fucking lame.”

actor!armin starts to let out watery whimpers as he hears you talk down at him. he didnt even realise your hand had slipped past his trousers or boxer briefs until he feels the icy cold air of your hands invading from outside.

actor!armin had his head dipped just over your shoulder whilst his hand stayed on the brick wall by your head for support. your hand dryly ran up and down his cock. the shick, shick of his handjob over powered by actor!armin’s pathetic whines. you continue to finish your cigarette, throwing the stub to the ground once it burnt to the filter. all throughout, your face was unbothered as you continued to degrade the blonde in spouts of annoyance — the occasional “good boy” added in for affect.

actor!armin messily finished over your clenched fist and the light grey of his suit jacket — the material now blotched dark.

the blonde pants for his breath, still stood in the same position. however, you duck under his arm to escape his grasp, but not before wiping the semen that was on your hand onto the back of his jacket. actor!armin whips round as soon as you do it but you dont stay long enough to face the brunt of his reaction. you only smugly walk back into the building through the side door, the fire exit shutting with a grinded halt.

actor!armin lets out a loud “fuck” as he angrily shrugs off his suit jacket — the item soiled. his pa was so gonna kill him.

[kindestofkings]

what came first, the chicken or the dickhead?

[smau]

f1driver!reader x lando norris (eventually, friends to lovers ofc)

authors note: this is so dramatic and for what! sorry to pierre for making you the villian, and lets pretend ferrari isnt as shit as it currently is! lol enjoy, would love to know what you think <333

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo and others

yourusername tough day in the office today, mexico '22 is just not to be I guess. As always a learning curve and we will grow from todays DNF 😞

See you soon Brazil !!

view all 500 comments

ynfan1 we are still so proud of you! keep pushing 👍

f1fan this is literally what you get for trying to compete in a MALE sport

f1fan2 fr she's bringing down pierre and the team f1fan3 too emotional for the big leagues ynfan2 stfu you do realise your favourite MALE drivers dnf all the time aswell

alphataurif1 we come back stronger!!

yourusername 👊👊

alex_albon lily is wondering would going for ice cream cheer you up?

yourusername I love her, yes please 🥹 landonorris I'm coming yourusername nuh huh its for us pointless drivers! landonorris come on it was only 2..

f1fan4 lando norizz trying to make it a double date lollll

f1fan5 bro chill these two have been friends since literal birth

alphataurif1

liked by yourusername and others

alphataurif1 the difference 2 weeks can make! our girl yourusername is starting pole position on sunday here in brazil 🔥

view all 150 comments

yourusername woohoo roll on sunday!!

ynfan1 go bestie go !

ynfan2 AT moving up💪

yourusername

liked by landonorris and others 

yourusername great work achieved today, the car and track felt good. hopefully we can convert this position into some points to finish of the season on a high, all we need is team work on the track (and for max's alarm to not go off so he misses the race 😀)

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maxverstappen1 why the personal attack

yourusername WHY do you have to win every week, surely you are bored by it by now ... charles_leclerc I agree, maybe take a week off? f1fan2 hahah these two i'm obsessed

landonorris please do well but not TOO well, just stay behind me 👍

yourusername and look at your ass all race? hard pass

ynfan1 that mention of teamwork is a lil suss...

ynfan2 not really?? it is a team sport ynfan1 yeah but do you not find it weird how unfriendly yourusername and pierregasly are, despite them being on the same team? f1fan tbf I have always noticed how forced their videos are together. and they dont even follow each other

yourusername

liked by landonorris and others 

yourusername lollll ruining my career one interview at a time, but at least we hit the clubs looking fire 🔥

p.s. I stand by what I've said I only have apologies for two people 1) my pr manager (who I dont pay enough for this) and 2) charles for linking your name to this hot mess!

view all 660 comments

landonorris it's so great being the unproblematic one 😎

yourusername does mcclaren need another golden driver from bristol??? I fear im out of a seat soon .. ynfan1 this is so sad you are way to talented of a driver to be out of a suit

charles_leclerc No worries 😅 Just make sure you buy me dinner next time before dragging me into the chaos. 🍽️🤷‍♂️

yourusername you got it prince of monaco! f1fan2 PLEASE PLEASE DATE ynfan2 ewww no her and lando are so so in love they're just too blind and stupid

danielricciardo absolute legend behaviour mate!!

yourusername learning from the best danny ric 😎

alphataurif1 and yourusername

Liked by landonorris and others

alphataurif1 From grid battles to glory laps! 🏁✨ Our unstoppable driver just clinched her FIRST WIN at the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix! 🏆 Watch out, world – she's rewriting the history books and leaving her mark on the track. 🚀🌟

#AlphaQueen #AbuDhabiWinner

view all 444 comments

danielricciardo What a race! Big congrats, yourusername. That first win feeling is something else! Enjoy every moment!

alex_albon: absolutely smashed it! huge congratulations on your first win!

carlossainz55 felicidades!!

susie_wolff: breaking barriers and making history! huge congratulations on your first win!

yourusername AHHHHH I CANT BELIEVE IT ! I LOVE YOU TEAM !!

ynfan1 lando where is your congrats you are slippinnn!!

landonorris

Liked by yourusername and others

landonorris I've never been this happy to lose, but it's pretty cool seeing your best friend win in her rookie year. EVEN if she beaten me to it 😞

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yourusername LANDOOOO you are a the bestest friend ever

yourusername would not have gotten here with out you, my partner in crime <3

ynfan1 best friend?? y'all are still so blind

f1fan everytime you call her your best friend you reaffirm the lando NORIZZ name

danielricciardo facts alex_albon facts carlossainz55 facts charles_leclerc facts yukitsunoda0511 facts maxverstappen1 facts landonorris CAN YOU SHUT UP

scuderiaferrari

liked by landonorris and others

scuderiaferrari oh we thought we should just let you know our driver line up for 2023 👀 say hello to the dynamic addition to the Ferrari family, the wonderfully feisty yourusername! get ready for a season full of speed, passion, and fierce competition. Welcome to Maranello! 🇮🇹

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ynfan1 HOLY F*CK

susie_wolff wow congrats yourusername!! wishing you all the best !

yourusername thank you so much susie! your advice the last few weeks has help me so much ! ynfan1 I love when girls support girls 💓

yourusername can't wait to get started! forza ferrari ❤️❤️

charles_leclerc this is going to be incredible! congrats !!

yourusername thank you charles <33 be prepared to be sick of me lol ynfan1 so happy shes got a teammate who acc is a decent guy

ynfan2 LOLLLL I bet pierre is sick

landonorris slayed 💅

yourusername 😂😂 f1fan watch out mr norizz her new teammate is mr steal-your-girl

[valtsv]

i dont think youve posted much about kabru so i was wondering what your thoughts were on him? i feel like you'd enjoy him a lot. and any opinions on labru (laios x kabru)?

i'm a kabumisu guy sorry to disappoint on that front i'm into a different kind of weirdguy yaoi. but as a character i fucking love kabru so much. he's such an incredibly good and realistic portrayal of someone with complex ptsd from an unresolved and violent traumatic event - his hypervigilance particularly stands out as both an asset and a detriment to his character; it drives him to hone his skills of observation and action, but also blinds him to the possibility that people might be capable of being kind or helpful out of the genuine goodness of their hearts with no ulterior motive. he's such a layered character, too; at first he comes across as an experienced but cocky young adventurer, then you wonder if perhaps he's an antagonistic force to laios' party and their goals, and then you realise that he does, in fact, care a great deal about the future of humanity and the safety and wellbeing of others, as much as any of the other big players in the story, and the way he expresses that has simply been shaped by his unique life experiences. kabru is very much the 'team humanity' character, but in a way that isn't eye-rollingly sanctimonious. he's the straight man (in the trope sense of the word) who has the power to influence a great deal of change and good just by being willing to know when to act to ensure those aims prevail, and when to trust someone else's judgement to see it through, which he comes to learn better as his arc and the story progresses. also, i fucking cheered when i realised that the reason he fares so poorly against the monsters of the dungeon is because he's learned how to disarm and kill other people. i LOVE a character who is fundamentally in favour of protecting human life and safety, but who also sees humanity as its own greatest threat to itself.

[boycaca]

I think people saying that ei discarded scara because he was too “fragile” or too “emotional” is a bit… meh for me. It feels like people are calling him… idk… too emotional?? Even if they dont mean it literally

Ei needed an unfeeling puppet to pursue her ideals of eternity, and upon scara’s creation she noticed that she had made a sentient being. And not wanting to destroy a creation that is far too human for what she needed him for, she put him to sleep in shakkei pavillion.

And thats the thing… he was too human for her ultimate goal. When he awakened due the unknown error, he misunderstood it as him being abandoned because he was not the prefect tool for her. Rather than realising that maybe, just maybe this might have been an act of mercy on him (i mean, look at what happened to furina. A human having to play god for 500 years is definitely no walk in the park), he saw it as ei throwing away a broken toy and removing the battery he needed to work for a different, better toy.

I think ei’s and scara’s dynamic is much more complex than just simply being “mother and son” (although it would be a bold-faced lie if i said i hated or didnt like that type of dynamic for them). I think scara likening his creator to a parent is very human of him, and exactly what ei didnt need. Although ei does call him “child” (at least… in cn) its more like a term of endearment rather than her genuinely seeing him as her child. But because ei needed a tool, scara also ends up seeing himself as nothing but a tool and an asset for others once he decides to abandon his human emotions after everything that happened in tatarasuna.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about them…. I do believe ei was not in the wrong for not wanting to have a very human puppet serve for her, but i also do not think ei is completely in the right for abandoning scara, as he is was created by her own hands the same way a mother would give life to a child (big fan of frankenstein and the question of “who was the true evil? Victor or the monster?”). Hmmm….

I want them to interact in the future 😮‍💨

[southparktexts]

Enemies to lovers with the main four?

i love this concept so much anon !! thank you !!!

Enemies to lovers w/ main four

Kyle :

- i know damn well you guys became enemies because of grades.

- academic award fights.

- this literally all happened because you two wrote on the same topic but you had one mark more than kyle.

- gave you the biggest side eye

“I can’t believe that THEY out of all people got 100! i got 99 why couldn’t i just get a 100, it was the same topic!”

“…dude. y/n is kinda smart its not that surprising.”

- he complains about you whenever you ‘beat’ him with grades

- you dont even know he got beef with you tbh 😭

- you guys didnt even talk at all, you were just in the same class as him unironically.

- one day, you got paired up with him for a history presentation

- he literally rolled his eyes when he heard that and had a mood when you talked to him.

“so.. ill to information and research and you can summarise my points?”

“yeah. whatever. i don’t care.”

- eventually, after days of the two of you guys doing the project he realised you weren’t that bad of a person.

- i can see, after you guys did your presentation he would ask to be your partner more and you happily accepted

- one day, after having kyle over to do another assignment the two of you went to mcdonald’s together.

- that was probably the first time he talked to you, outside of school work.

- he definitely caught feels for you

- unironically invited you to game night with the main 4

“..dude i thought you hated her.”

“….shes not that bad.”

“I TOLD YOU THAT??”

- definitely got jealous when kenny tried flirting with you.

- after that he unironically got more touchy with you.

- holding hands when you guys hung out after studying maths together.

- one day he asked his dad for advice and he said just to ask you out.

- he did… on text.

- my guy wrote a whole essay on you.

Eric :

- you guys definitely became prank wars enemies. full stop.

- prank wars.

- this definitely started because eric thought it would be funny to put a whopee cushion on your seat

- you saw it before you sat down and he got so fucking pissed.

“WHO DOES THIS BITCH THINK THEY ARE? NOT EVEN SITTING DOWN ON IT. WHAT THE FUCK.”

“fatass it isn’t that personal.”

- from there you and him back to back prank each other.

- ..they got worse as they progressed.

- he put a lot of laxatives and arbys sauce into your lunch once

- in return you put a lot of melatonin into his milk and made him sleep during an exam.

- yall are both fucked up like that 😭

- definitely spends a lot of time thinking how he can prank you and you do the same.

- you’re the only thing on his mind at this point.

“i fucking hate how that BITCH is always one step ahead of me.”

“you gotta admit.. theyre kinda hot..”

“NO KENNY. NO.”

“cartman you talk about them a little too much, its like you like them or something.”

“WHAT?! NO. CMON GUYS.”

“..sure fatass.”

- after stan said that he started questioning his feelings towards you.

- he kinda realised you both are kinda similar in your own fucked up way.

- after that day he made a glitter bomb card with a note inside telling you to meet him at his house.

- you arrived and you guys actually worked out well..

- gradually eric started introducing kenny into the group.

- the three of you started planning pranks on the teacher.

- eventually eric started falling. hard.

- you were always so funny and unique with pranks and he loved that.

- eventually asked you out with a cupcake.

“will you go out with me?”

“hm? yeah sure. ..this cupcake doesn’t have arbys sauce and laxatives in it, does it..?”

Kenny :

- to be honest time !! i personally think you guys wouldn’t be enemies.

- more just mutual annoyance.

- i feel like hes not the type to personally hate someone.

- the only reason he would find you annoying is because you would take the girls when he was trying to flirt with them.

“hey doll.”

“you’re talking to me?”

“oh tammy !! exactly who i was looking for!”

- he gets so annoyed because each time he was trying to talk to them you’d interrupt and drag them away to talk to them.

- one day he was fed up with it but didn’t do anything about it.

“how come y/n knows literally every girl i try to flirt with?!”

“because dude, y/n is cool and popular. their going to know everyone dude.”

“yeah bro.”

“plus they hang around the girls as well”

- after that, you kinda stopped hanging around the girls since they were doing a whole protest about something that you didnt want to be involved with.

- kenny eventually just say you walking around the school, just being yourself.

- he oddly, like it. he liked seeing you act like yourself. not pretend like you did with the girls.

- eventually he invited you to game night with the boys.

- you guys played dnd and had fun!

- after that, kenny would invite you to game night more and you eventually unironically replaced butters.

- you and kenny slowly became close friends and he became more possessive over you.

- one day he had enough of these thoughts about you and just asked you out out of the blue.

“hey y/n! doll!”

“hm? oh hey ken.”

“wanna date?”

“uh sure?”

Stan :

- if im going to be honest.. he doesn’t get enemies, except for craig.

- he definitely gets angry but doesn’t hate you.

- he probably got jealous because of you though, that what ticked him off.

- this is probably right after stan and wendy broke up

- you were wendy’s friend but also being stans.

- he once saw you comforting wendy and he got jealous.

“that backstabbing bitch! y/n is with wendy right now.”

“..dude i thought you said you were over wendy.”

“i- i am but still!”

- complained about you to the boys, slowly he would have something against you.

- since you were also friends with him he would give you a moody response when he replied back.

“how are you holding up, stan?”

“fine. just fine. its not like you care.”

- became more cold and colder.

“god look at y/n over there. at the swings with wendy.”

“dude, why are you looking at y/n so much. do you like them or something.”

“what?? no?”

- he kept looking over at you and he slowly started noticed little details of you.

- how you bite your nails when your shy, how pretty you look when your studyin.. wait.. what..

- slowly started noticing more details about you and since you were friends with him he would hang out with you more.

- became more touchy while you hang out.

- he realised now you were just being nice to both sides. trying to be there for both.

- wrapping his arms around your waist while you two walked together.

- blushing as you talk to him.

- eventually he bottles up all his feels about you and breaks down but in a good way?

- going to your house at 3am, crying as you hold him in your arms on your bed.

“and- and my dad keeps putting all this pressure and me and i love you and its so fucking difficult.”

“i know stan, i know… its alright.. wait. you love me..?”

[kaphzzz]

so i saw a couple posts about how arthur is sexist and racist and i'm not defending him because ive got a filter on but i do think some things are debatable. a few things got blown out of proportion and overanalysed i think.

first off i agree by today's standards hes definitely got some views to correct such as gender roles and not resorting to telling a woman to go to the kitchen as an insult, but at that time hes about as feminist as you get from a man. he says he doesnt think women and men are all that different, and he doesnt show any doubt at all regarding the capabilities of the women in the gang. many times hes expressed his belief that the women such as tilly or mary beth are skilled and capable of fending for themselves. he frequently shows his vulnerable side to the women in camp. when sadie made it firm that she wanted to be a fighter he allowed her to do it, barely even hesitated. i think he only mocked her because hes irritated at the commotion she and pearson caused in the middle of the camp, and also when isnt he sarcastic?

about the womens suffrage march: yeah he goes only because he's getting paid but he doesnt mock them for their cause and isnt afraid to be seen among them or to be perceived as an ally to their cause. considering the amount of angry men gathered at the protest who would have died of shame if anyone thought they were allies to feminism i think the contrast is clear enough.

'arthur as a lover would force gender roles' i genuinely dont think he would. the girls in the gang do chores because ms grimshaw is in charge of them and arthur has nothing to do with it, hes in fact more assured of their mission success when the girls are involved. he trusts sadie in a fight with his life. he meets charlotte and offers to teach her, without her asking him, to handle a gun to hunt and be independent, not once does he tell her to go back to her cozy life in the city or find another man to rely on beyond offering to get her somewhere she can get food. he goes out of his way to help mary, even when he realises he has nothing to gain from it. these are his views on what a woman should or shouldnt do and it wont change just because said woman is his partner. and i dont even ship him and sadie but i totally get it, i think he'd love a woman who can handle herself both in life and in a fight. this is also why so many people thought he had insane chemistry with black belle and there are even fanworks out there of the two. he doesnt get to meet too many but he's nothing but impressed and respectful when he meets a strong woman. and sure, if his partner is and just wants to be a wife in a traditional wife role, arthur'd be totally fine with it, he'd probably love to have someone stay in their home caring for it and waiting for him. but i also think he wouldnt be opposed to someone who can accompany him when hes out and about and who he can entrust his life to either.

'he lost his temper at mary' okay why wouldnt anyone? thats an understandable reaction for anyone in the circumstances. he's gone to meet who is probably the only person he has ever loved romantically and still loves, and all she does is criticise him for his outlaw lifestyle while at the same time expecting him to help her using the skills he gained from that life. im not going to say shes using him or being manipulative but it comes close, which is a whole other debate and i dont want to get into it but mary isn't in the right either. they talk to each other as equals too, their argument and the way they talk to each othet just supports that. when he got angry he realises his mistake and tries to calm himself down immediately when mary tells him to be kind to her. any truly sexist man who believes in a man's role in a relationship wouldnt even have listened. there were and are enough men in relationships who dont listen to their female partners or accept criticism from them or would even escalate the situation but arthur is not one of them.

about him being racist - this is a no brainer honestly he wasnt racist in 1899 and not racist now. sure you can say hes ignorant and uneducated on racism issues but thats not the same as being racist or accusing him of racism. the only thing i see people have to support the racism argument is that he referred to javier as a 'greaser' during the boat heist, but thats i think the only time he says a slur and thats only because he's got a role to play and hes simply saying whatever the manager expected from his act. he thinks of javier as family and all of the non white people in the gang too, quite obviously.

and lastly yes i agree hes a flawed person, charles calls him out on not wanting to help the germans or the tribe of his own will, lenny calls him out on not realising that the south is dangerous for him and tilly and charles to be in, in fact many people put him in his place by telling him exactly where hes wrong. he is often offending people whether he means to or not, and in certain situations quick to lose his temper or resort to violence, but he is also a kind and caring and sensitive person. i dont think we need to be squinting so hard between the lines to know that hes a good person when he doesnt have to be the violent brute dutch shaped him into for the gang.

so anyway i totally agree hes not some pure pookie wookie cinammon roll capable of no wrong and definitely has a lot of flaws besides the crimes, but i dont think racism or sexism are among them.

everyone has their own understanding of a character, i dont normally want to get involved in debate but if anyone does want to discuss then do but keep it civil

[thelov3lybookworm]

My Fault (part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Starting over.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: Lol i just know half of you all gonna hate me for this, but this is the only way i could think of that would be good. I dont think making her end up with someone ese would have helped, so if you dont want her to end up with cass, then please dont read this.

also, why does sarah not tell us how people who cant winnow travel??? 😭😭😭

anyways, enjoy!

•○🌑○•

Nina's excitement was palpable as Y/n slowly inserted the key into the front door of the home she shared with her husband, trying not to make too much noise in case he was in there, probably sleeping.

It was no use though, Y/n found out once she entered and ran up to her bedroom. Nina had just plopped down unceremoniously on the couch, telling Y/n to hurry up.

The moment Y/n pushed open the closed door to her and Cassian's bedroom -which she was sure was open when she left- she was hit with the strong scent of her husband.

Y/n froze on the threshold, staring wide eyed at her husband, who was on his knees in the middle of the room, fat tears rolling down his face.

He looked up, his eyes containing a world of pain and sadness and guilt and too may emotions that Y/n could not categorise them all.

"Cass?" Y/n mumbled, daring to take a step towards him. He released an anguished cry and launched forward, a dull thud echoing in his wake.

Cassian wrapped himself around Y/n's legs, sobbing into her abdomen. Y/n stared at the top of his head with furrowed brows, then rose her eyes to where he had been kneeling previously.

There, she found a worn diary lying on the wooden floor, left haphazardly. Y/n's blood chilled.

It was her diary.

Y/n usually hid it in her drawer, but she had been writing in it before she left to get coffee with Nina and everything went south.

Cassian had been gone more and more in the recent months, and to cope with all the sadness and need, Y/n began jotting down all that she felt in her empty diary.

And now he had read it all.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Y/n was still frozen when she realised that her blouse was sticking to her skin because of his tears. "Tell you what?"

"Everything. Why did you not tell me how much you'd been hurting? Why did you not tell me that I'd been a shitty husband?"

Y/n watched his shoulder shake with every violent sob that ripped out of his chest, numbness spreading through her. "You were never around long enough for me to say anything."

He sobbed harder at that, and Y/n couldn't take it anymore. She let her hand drift to the top of his head, gently caressing his soft hair.

"My love, why are you crying?" Y/n reached down, cupping his jaw and tilting his head back. She ran her thumb across his cheek, wiping away the tears that never stopped, her other hand still resting in his hair.

More tears flowed from his eyes, and he opened his mouth to speak, but right at that moment, Nina spoke up from behind Y/n. Y/n hadn't even heard Nina walk up the stairs, so busy was she getting lost in her lover's eyes.

"Get away from her you bastard."

Y/n turned halfway, Cassian's death grip on her lessening just a little as he too peered from around Y/n. Y/n absently noted that Nina had left her bag down in the living room.

"Nina, please-"

"Y/n, don't. You just told me you wanted to leave, heal. What happened now? Are you having second thoughts?"

Y/n felt Cassian freeze, and she sighed, glaring at Nina. "You... you are leaving?"

"Thank you so much Nina, just what I needed." Y/n bit out, turning her back to her friend and glancing down at her kneeling husband. His skin was pale, paler than Y/n had ever seen him.

"What! I just helped you out! You had to tell him anyways!"

"Yes Nina, but I would have been more gentle!"

Nina huffed as Y/n grabbed Cassian's forearms and tugged. He complied, climbing to his feet as new tears gathered in his eyes. Y/n ignored her friend and grabbed Cassian's face tenderly in her hands.

"Cass? I... I need to leave."

"Why?" He whispered.

"I don't think I can handle letting your family walk all over me anymore. I need to stand up for myself. I'm sorry Cass, but I need to do this. Even if it kills me, I need to leave."

"I- they're your family too." His voice was quiet and uncertain, as though he knew Y/n would not believe him.

Y/n gave him a small, pained smile. "I don't think they feel that way."

"Please don't go Y/n. Rhys is feeling guilty for what he did. I'm sure everyone else is too. Maybe they're on their way here to apologise."

"Never seen anyone more delusional." Nina murmured from behind Y/n.

"Cass-"

Before Y/n could even get a word out, Nina piped up.

"If you really want to be with her, you can come with us. Leave this hell court."

Cassian ignored Nina again.

"Y/n, please don't go. I need you. We can all start over again. I promise they will realise how wrong they were."

"It's too late now. Give us a straight answer. If you love her, leave this place and come with us. If not, stay here and rot."

"Come on, Y/n. I can't leave them. They're my family."

"And she is not? You should not feel obligated to love someone because they're your family or whatever."

Cassian glared at Nina, then mumbled to Y/n. "Are you not going to defend me from her?"

"Like you defended her from your asshole family?"

Y/n could see Cassian trying to hold back a snarl at that, and she sighed, pinching her nose bridge between her forefinger and thumb. "Y/n. We need to talk. Alone."

Y/n nodded, glancing at her friend, who rolled her eyes. "I will be standing outside. Call for me when you're done."

She looked like she wanted to slam the door shut as she left, but she simply pulled it until it made a soft click.

Y/n turned to Cassian, offering him a tentative smile.

"Yes?"

Cassian took a step back. "I- I'll start from the beginning."

Y/n nodded uncertainly, wondering what he wanted to tell her. He grabbed Y/n's hand, gently tugging her to the end of the bed and sitting her down onto it.

"I... I don't know how to explain, but I'll try." Cassian took a deep breath as he settled into a kneeling position in front of Y/n. "First of all, I need you to know that I only ever kissed Nesta, and that was when I was drunk out of my mind."

He released a breath before continuing, clutching Y/n's hands as if they were his lifeline. "I... I know that isn't an excuse for what I did, and I never should have been at Rita's that night, but it happened, and I don't think anything I do or say will justify it.

"It started that day a year ago. When Rhys wanted to send me on a month long mission. Asshole, now that I think of it. I just now realise it for the plot it was." Cassian shook his head in disbelief. "He told me no one else could do it and that only I could do it. That should have alerted me, but alas, I now know that I'm very thick skulled."

A small giggle left Y/n, and Cassian's eyes rose to her lips, a little of life returning to the dull hazel. He smiled softly as his eyes met Y/n's, and her breath hitched. It had been far too long since the two of them had time like this.

"I remember you cried that day. That was the first time I'd seen you cry. I was so stressed because I did not want to leave you. That would have been the first time that I would be away from you for longer than a day. You told me you would write to me everyday."

Y/n could remember it very vividly. The way she had sobbed into Cassian's chest just as he was about to leave, the way she had stared up at him as his tears fell too. It had been a nightmare, to put it nicely.

"But you never did-"

Y/n interrupted him. "What do you mean I never did?"

Cassian glanced up at Y/n from where he was playing with her fingers, meeting her eyes with furrowed brows. "You never wrote to me? I never received any letters."

Y/n's lips parted in confusion. "I- I wrote to you everyday Cass. Sometime even multiple times a day."

Cassian stared at her in disbelief, and Y/n could see the gears in his brain churning. His mouth opened a few times, wanting to speak but no words coming out before realisation set in his features.

"Rhysand."

Y/n searched Cassian's eyes as anger and betrayal entered them, coming to the same realisation.

"Oh Cass." Y/n mumbled, reaching up to cup his cheek.

"Fucker." Cassian said under his breath, his wings flaring slightly.

After a moment of Cassian cursing Rhys and his entire family line, he continued. "I never received those letters, so I was a little upset because I was looking forward to writing you. When I returned, I decided that it would be best to give Rhys all the information I had before coming home so I could spend some days with you, locked away with no one interrupting us.

"But when I arrived, Rhysand said things about you that riled me up. He told me that he had asked you multiple times if you had to send any letters and that each time you told him to, basically, fuck off. I did not believe him, but it kept happening every time I was gone, to the point where I was starting to wonder if you liked me at all."

Cassian rested his head on their joined hands, releasing a deep breath. "I never should have believed that bastard, never should have doubted you. And I will forever regret that. Rhys also kept up with his manipulating to get me away from you, I see that now. I should have stopped him the first time he said things about you, but I guess I didn't want to upset him after everything he's done for me."

"He is your family, isn't he? He would not have expected anything of you." Y/n told him, making him nod.

"I know. Recently, after Feyre and her sister's arrival, Rhys started to gaslight me into thinking I liked Nesta. He made me spend more time with her, train her. He got so much out of it. For one, he could get me away from you, whatever his reasons. By assigning me to Nesta, he could keep her busy and out of the way.

"He... he really fucked up my mind. He is a daemati after all. Yesterday at Rita's, I realised something was wrong. That I couldn't put up my shields properly. Then the next thing I knew, I was kissing Nesta. I left soon after, not wanting to be near any longer."

He sucked in a tired breath, his hold tightening on Y/n's hands. She gave him a gentle squeeze and he continued. "Today, when I was about to come home, Rhys convinced me to stay till dinner. And I just... somehow couldn't say no. It was like- like..."

Cassian trailed off, his wide eyes meeting his wife's.

"Oh Cassian." Y/n slid onto his lap, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry he did that to you. I wish I had known what was happening sooner so I could stop it from ever happening."

Cassian shook his head, staring at the wall behind Y/n's head, his features distant.

"Not your fault. You could not have stopped it from happening."

Y/n knew that, but that didn't stop her from wanting to rip off Cassian's brother's head. Hell, she wished at least she's gotten a little bit of power from her parents so she could do anything to stop what Rhys had been doing to Cassian.

She could not even winnow, so what was she even worth? At least this Nesta was powerful enough to be mated to Cassian.

"I just- I just don't understand why he wanted you to be with Nesta."

Without moving his eyes, still that far off look on his face, Cassian mumbled. "She is my mate, and the mother pairs people who can produce the strongest offspring." Finally, Cassian met Y/n's gaze, his eyes haunted. "He wanted me to produce as strong as an offspring I could."

Y/n's heart broke for her husband. She knew how much the high lord mattered to him, and the betrayal she felt would probably not even compare to what he was feeling.

Cassian opened his mouth on a gasp, about to say something when knock drew their attention, stopping Cassian from speaking.

"Are you done yet?" Nina's voice called out. Y/n looked from the door to Cassian. He stared at the door like it had caused him some personal offence. "The caravan will not wait up for us, and only an hour is left-"

"Caravan?" Cassian questioned Y/n, turning to look at her as his hands fell to her waist. Y/n nodded.

"Neither of us can winnow, so Nina had to contact a friend who knew of an agent. He technically transports people from one court to another on horse and carriages."

Understanding entered his eyes. "You- you really were going to leave."

Y/n nodded, making to pull away from him so she could start packing up. His hold on her tightened.

"Please don't go. I need you. I will make it up to you, I promise. I will wait forever if that's what it takes to earn your forgiveness." His eyes were again filled with tears, making it harder for Y/n to turn away.

"Cass... I won't forgive you. Not anytime soon at least. But... maybe I can give you one last chance."

The tears overflowed from his eyes even as a huge grin split his face. "Thank you. Thank you so much my heart. I will not let you down again."

Y/n studied him for a moment, smiling when he started laughing softly while wiping at his tear stained cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. Y/n gently pushed back some stray strands of hair from his face, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Maybe we can start all over again. Like we never knew each other."

Cassian nodded. "Even though what good times we had together are precious to me, I don't think we can mend this. We need to start over."

Y/n smiled wide for the first time in what felt like months, genuine joy singing through her blood. "Let's get ready then."

•○🌑○•

Nina's pov.

It was around ten minutes after that the door opened, and Nina nearly fell to her knees and thanked the mother for it. She was getting bored standing out here all by herself.

And in the next moment Nina wondered if she was dreaming.

Y/n stood in the doorway, a huge smile and blush on her face. That was not what shocked Nina, though it played a part in it.

No, it was Cassian, who stood behind Y/n, holding two duffel bags over his shoulder, a quiet joy on his face.

Nina rose a brow at the couple, who only grinned. Releasing a disbelieving sigh, Nina pushed away from the wall she was leaning against.

"I had booked an extra seat just in case. Thank the mother I did."

Y/n grabbed Nina in a quick hug, and her happiness brought a small smile to Nina's lips as well.

Y/n turned and practically skipped down the stairs, happy to leave. Cassian moved to follow, but Nina caught his arm. He looked down at her, his brows raised high.

"Don't you dare hurt her now. Or I will fucking carve your wings from your back. Understood?" If possible, his eyebrows rose higher, almost disappearing into his hairline. Obviously, Nina wished Y/n never forgive him, but Nina also knew how happy the brute made her best friend, and that was all Nina could ask for.

He studied her for a moment, then nodded, pulling his arm away from her. "Hmm. Good."

With that, both of them followed Y/n, ready to start all over again, make a new life.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @awkwardnerd @cleverzonkwombatsludge @blogforficslol @fasoaurore @fanboyluvr @darling006 @sonics-atelier @saltedcoffeescotch @lees-chaotic-brain @leeknows-wife

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa

Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts

[testosteroneb0y]

NSFW alphabet - HABIT emH

-Cross posted on ao3-

CW: explicit/18+ content below the cut, A lot of kinks are implied but not directly mentioned and there is probably things I could add in here but I'm too lazy, just know it's kinky and smutty and all that jazz

Author's Note: this is the first thing I've written in a while and most of it is just me yapping. I tried to go over it and fix any mistakes but I've been too tired to properly proofread it. I also tried to keep it mostly in character but Habit is just such a questionable character it's rather hard to make it not end up being ooc. Gender neutral but made with afab body parts in mind.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I would like to think there would be a little bit but tbh it seems like a no. He'd probably make you see stars and then go straight back to murdering people or something <3

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His : hands. This fella probably has hands that would be on the larger side (which is shocking) and he just loves that, he can do so much more whether it's wrapping a hand around your wrists to hold them together or something else (that I can't think of rn😔 I'm too tired) he just loves the fact that it gives him more control

Partner : thighs, hips. I don't really have a good reason for this, he just seems like the type of guy to love leaving handprints from grabbing too hard on thighs 😇 similar to the thighs part, he probably just loves gripping onto them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he cums inside, there's no denying it. He'll say things like "'gonna fill you up so good, m'kay, rabbit?" I don't even think he would be that big on breeding but my god does that man love seeing his seed dripping out of you

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Jerked off and came into a pair of your underwear and put it back into your drawer. He would be soossososoooo obsessed with the fact that you'd end up not realising and wearing them will they were still dirty

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Habit knows his stuff and I stand by that. Evan, not so much. From being in so many different people's bodies he has to have gotten some action. He was probably pissed off when he realised Evan's body couldn't take as much as he would like to.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Literally any as long as he can grab at your ass, or thighs, or hips. Also doggy style occasionally because he just loves absolutely pounding down into you, shoving your face into a pillow and going to town.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(This is more my Evan hcs bcuz yk its his body n stuff !!)

Naturally doesn't have much hair down there besides a little happy trail

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

honestly, canon habit probably would not give a fuck, as long as he gets to cum then he is fine but I'm a fanboy and dont care, i like that anyway :3

on the more ooc side, I think if he was truly inlove with you he would try to be more romantic but it's hard for him considering his violent nature

He would always try his best to make sure you have a nice (well...as nice as getting your brain fucked out of you can be) time.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he is shameless. He will leave a room and go to the bathroom or something and have a wank, he doesn't care if people in the other room hear him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

CHOKING. He fucking loves choking people because he likes the way they try to grasp for air. The light leaving their eyes is enough to get this man GOING.🥰 he loves pain, inflicting it mainly. I think it would be kinda obvious considering his...occupation, if you will. He is big on corruption. He just loves turning a little innocent "rabbit" into the freakiest person :3

I could go on and on about his kinks but I'm trying to contain myself.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Despite popular belief, I think he probably prefers being in his own house, but he would do it anywhere in the house.

If he is reeeally horny then he might pull you into an alley or something for a quickie

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Anything and everything you do will turn him on. I'm leaving it at that.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Im a strong believer that tbis man likes everything no matter how weird but maaaybe like scat n stuff, I can just see him not really being the biggest fan of things like that, he probably thinks it's too gross (and will say that while being covered in like 6 different peoples blood)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves receiving, Face fucking is one of his favourite things. Everything from how you look in the aftermath of it, to (going back to the choking thing) Your eyes rolling back as he just shoves his cock down into your throat.

Although he likes receiving, I think he would be pretty good at giving. It's almost like a wasted talent of his.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I don't even know why I have to say this but he definitely is rough ASSSSFFFFF. He will plow into you like there's no tomorrow. If he is feeling really cruel he will go super slow at first, only moving very slightly, making it almost like new form of torture.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he is even slightly pent up he most definitely will let it out. He seems like the typa guy that hates being sexually frustrated and he HAS to have some sort of release to calm him down or he is just rougher later on in the day.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is down to try everything and if I'm being honest he probably has already tried everything, and I genuinely mean every single thing a person could like. This isn't to say he likes everything, but he does probably enjoys mostly everything being the 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 he is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He could and would go all day, all night. Unfortunately, he has other business to attend to. (Brutally murdering people 😍)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

oh brother, he has toys, TOO many toys. Mainly to use on other people but I can see him using a vibrator on himself on occasion. He also would own everything that could he used for bondage, which also happens to come in handy when he gets a bit silly and kidnaps people ! This is kind of random but I can see him loving nip clamps.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

So much, too much. I personally would not be able to stand the amount that he would tease, and I can put up with more than the average person. He is just a cruel motherfucker.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I can't imagine him being very loud. Evan whimpers, Habit himself wouldn't WANT to but that's the price that he has to pay when he uses other people's bodies.

He will talk and whisper dirty stuff into your ears most of the time but sometimes if he has had a bad day and is just really angry he will just shut up and get it over with.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves putting you in your place, even the slightest little bit of back chat and you are done for.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I think he would be pretty average in size, maybe even slightly smaller considering Evan's height, but he would make up for it in other ways.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It doesn't take much to get him going so even just the simple act of bending down infront of him, whether it was purposely or not, and he will have you bent over.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Habit himself wouldn't be tired because of the whole being an entity but he would realise "oh shit this body is so tired" and he would just force himself to go to sleep.

[shaunashipman]

https://www.tumblr.com/shaunashipman/757637707809914880/what-i-dont-understand-about-the-whole-feeling

jumping into this to say: 100% agree.

for me the confirmation that buddie wasn’t going to happen was the lighting strike, actually. i remember thinking: okay, this is the moment they realize their feelings for each other. if it doesn’t happen now, it most likely will never happen.

but here is the thing! i think this whole point is one of the things that have Bobs MAD. because they have been ‘waiting’ for either side of buddie to finally realise their feelings and declare their undying love for each other. they’re pretty sure it’ll happen after eddie is buried alive - it doesn’t happen. they’re pretty sure it’ll happen after eddie gets shot - it doesn’t happen. they’re pretty sure it’ll happen after eddie’s breakdown - it doesn’t happen. and they’re for sure sure it’ll happen after buck wakes up from his coma - and OF COURSE it doesn’t happen. bc buddie isn’t happening.

and then tommy comes along, and buck has an immediate connection with him, and it is mutual. and instead of waiting years, BT shippers get their ship together in literally an episode. and even with the hiccup in 705, they stay solid.

long story short: they hate how easy it is to prove buck does not have feelings for eddie. because he clearly has those for tommy, and realizing he’s into men hasn’t changed the way he sees eddie. not even coming back from the dead (pre realization) will change it

I remember the lightning strike, and the build up to it, and the reactions afterwards. before 6x11 aired it was all "bedside confession!" and "eddie's gonna wake him up!" and that shit. then after the ep aired and eddie was barely in it (which 1. we were literally told beforehand that it would be chim and bobby with the most focus, and 2. I actually think we should have gotten more of eddie, instead of two forced forgiveness of parents) it became "eddie was too grief stricken, canon buddie right around the corner" like the goal posts moving is insane.

buck had 5-14 years of working with eddie, hanging out with eddie, being naked with eddie in the locker room and showers, and it never sparked a a realization because he does not now, nor has he ever, had romantic feelings for eddie. yes, he found him physically attractive, and yes he probably had a crush on him at the beginning. but he never liked-liked him. because all it took was tommy showing up and being his cool confident self for buck to lose his mind and hop on that dick.

like you said, they've almost died in front of each other multiple times, they've seen the other date other people, they practically live out of each other's pockets at times, what more is it supposed to take for them to have a feelings realization?

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[lululandd]

Cod boys x reader who struggle with self harm

vacant surrender;

pairing: simon ‘ghost’ riley x reader

word count: 397

warnings: self harm, angst, but the good feel kinda angst lmfao

note: loosely based on personal experience (im legit incapable of writing for people i dont have a hyperfixation on, so im throwing ghost under the bus for this one)

summary: scars and all

The first thing Simon does when he comes home is always to check on you. You might think you can fool him with your sweet smile and cheerful voice, but he knows you better than that. This is what happens when you willingly date the Ghost himself, you are always under his watch.

He can see you try not to flinch when he moves closer, chapped lips skimming your bare shoulder. Goosebumps exploded across your skin; he’s pleased that he still has that effect on you. An arm snaked around your waist, he bends down so his tongue can lap slow circles on your neck. You were too engrossed in the moment to notice he has been feeling around your arms down to your wrist.

He turned you around and placed his mouth against the back of your neck, he knows it’s your weak place, and as a low moan escaped your trembling lips, his hand travelled down your thigh. You gasped, and Simon’s lips drew into a tight line. He instantly knew it wasn’t from whatever he’s doing to you right now. 

Letting out a sigh, he knelt down to check on whatever wound he reopened on your thigh. 

“What happened this time, love?”

With experience, you know where to cut so people don’t notice new ones, and to place strategic ones so you can tell them you got it by accident. But he’s not most people, isn’t he? He always notices.

Simon’s brows furrow, twisting his expression into something severe, ten different scenarios have run through his head, each worse than the last. The darkness of his eyes seemed endless as he stared at your marred skin.

Loving you was a choice.

A choice he consciously made, something he fully understood and accepted. He chose to care, chose to adore you, he chose to be by your side.

When he looks up, he sees you coming back to reality, that he had noticed the new wounds, and sees the tear about to form in your eyes.

“I’m not angry at you.” He exhaled your name softly, “Will you tell me what happened?”

His hands are not clean; they’ve killed and mangled and will continue to do so. His hands are dirty with all the blood of his enemies and the innocents, they will never wash away. But if you let him he will use them to love you fully. 

Scars and all.

hewwo! author here :3 please know you are loved and there are people that loves you and think about you; there will always be friends that are willing to listen to your problems and hardships. things might seem bleak and inescapable right now but i promise things do get better. ages ago i thought cutting would lessen emotional pain that i was experiencing and lmfao it took me a wholeass year to realise i was just feeling emotional pain and unnecessary physical pain so i started getting better friends and getting some other outlet for all the feelings bottled up inside. after a couple months i realised certain people makes me feel like shit so i cut ties with those and boy those felt liberating af. i hope your situation gets better soon. my dms are always open if you want to shittalk and vent :3

[iravinirattu]

ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

[uneednotknow]

Vaughn Morozov

A hc of what I imagine him to be like.

Vaughn Morozov, the Pakhan's heir. The Gentleman of the Bratva. The Manipulator. The Mastermind.

He isnt necessarily silent and quiet but he doesn't talk much, either. He got the manners, the charm and the etiquette of what one would call the ideal man. He has the looks, the body, the height, the hair and the money. But above all he is responsible and a smart man.

He knows when and how to use his charm especially in terms of business to either get the deal done or to deceit. He knows and plans things so effortlessly well, its almost flawless. He is also 10 steps ahead of everyone. He is analytical and calculative. A Mastermind. He rules the game, the world and the people, and he would do it so easily that they won't even realise it.

He isnt known as the gentleman for no reason. He is respectful and straightforward. Unlike most of the ruthless men in the Bratva, who springs to brutal actions almost immediately, he is calm. He resorts to let the mind games play, he likes messing up the mentality of the people, because he understands that mental pain is possibly more cruel and painful than physical pain. He resorts to quietly finishing the job because he isnt a fan of showcasing his work to the people.

He is so eloquent with his words and works. He dont need to talk much to get people to his side. He is a man of his words but mostly a man of actions. He won't hesitate to strike when nobody is looking, he won't hesitate to manipulate and make things work out on his favour.

He is a smart man, he knows what strings to pull, what steps to take. And it all comes from being a logical thinker, it comes from having parents who are one of the most important figures in the Bratva, he knows he needs to be well aware of his surroundings in case trouble strikes. It comes from seeing situations through every looking glass. It comes from being a great born-leader.

He likes to keep the side of his street clean and that's very hard to maintain especially being in the mafia. But nobody knows what happens to people who has crossed him or his loved ones. You just know they have suffered gravely. He keeps his business private. Those who needs to know will know and that's it.

He drives. Really, really well. The Mercesdes-Benz, his parents got him for his 18th birthday is one of his prized possessions. He dont ask for much from his parents, he rarely does. Mostly because they have provided him with all that he needed. And it's because he doesn't want to leech off people, he doesn't want to ask things from anyone when he knows he is equally capable of being able to do things for himself.

When he is in the UK, he rides his bike, going for joy rides with them. Though he maybe the youngest, he is undoubtedly a brilliant and mature one. Sophisticated and intimidating, Vaughn enjoys his chase. But he also let's down his guard and takes in the fresh air of youth, he knows how to enjoy his life while learning not to be vulnerable in the eyes of the people.

He can cook, clean, fend for himself. He is self-sufficient and has learned from a young age that there is no other way to success other than hard work along with smart work.

He likes to read. He like to solve puzzles, play chess, watch crime documentaries and just solve anything that needs to be solved. Maybe that's boring for most but that's how he keeps his brain to actively work and think strategically.

He is also athletic, joining the school's sports team to keep himself physically fit. He may not be the best at it but he is above average, he plays football, basketball, tennis. Exceptionally great at ice hockey (according to my headcannon.)

Because he likes to keep himself updated with the people around him and the world, he knows many things about people. If he wants he can extract informations that people have tried their best to hide too.

He might even enlist in the military, just like his mom and dad and climb ranks, but he might not stay long to accomplish that, maybe for 2 or 3 years. Because he has other responsibilities. But he will be there for the experience and knowledge.

He is academically thriving as well. Taking up computer science, physics or any of the challenging STEM subjects, because like mentioned above he likes to keep his brain to actively work to find solutions.

He is without a doubt a great son and a great friend. He won't say it out loud but he will, for sure, be their for people who needs him. Be it for advise or just be there for them. He is a great companion to his dad, helping him with works, though his father never asks him to burden himself with such works at a young age. He is a great son to his mom, driving her to places, going shopping for anything, helping his mom around the house though they have people for that.

He is the type of son, whose parents need not worry about him doing the wrong thing or being in thr wrong place. They only worry about him over working himself. He likes to be in his best behaviour, be the best in what he do.

Overall, Vaughn Morozov, is a man, who obviously has his flaws but doesn't shy away from correcting himself and move forward to be better and stronger.

He made a cameo and im intrigued by him. But honestly, as much as I want to read about him judging by how RK has disappointed some(most) of her characters in their own books, I'm afraid she might do the same to Vaughn too. So in a way, it's better to leave him as he is, but at the same time he seems to be a character full of potential, to me at least.

Anyways, thank you for reading my previous post.

Hope you enjoy this as well.

[omgwhatchloe]

rdr2 characters as year 7s FOR MY BRITISH BROS also i WILL be working on my askbox asap when i get motivation

john

-skips lessons whenever hes lost (I DID THIS IN YEAR 7😭)

-everyone knows him because of arthur

-plays football and yells at the quiet kids instead of getting food

-hosea found this out and was fuming (now makes him a packlunch and forces arthur who is in year 11 to check if hes eaten it at break)

-texts dutch to pick him up early (he never does)

-tried to act like a badman until his english teacher rung home (he cried on the bus home)

-arthur helped him with his supplies so he didnt get bullied

-tells people arthur will beat them up (he wont)

-“i taught your brother!!”

-has all his lessons with kieran and makes them all miserable for him

sean

-him and lenny are ultimate duo from primary school

-gets angry phone calls from darragh after buying his entire friendgroup paninis

-throws his radnor fizz down the stairs

-gets adopted by year 10s because of his accent

-iso at least once a week

-him and lenny insist on sitting at the back of the bus to the point the year 11s dont even fight it anymore

-diabolical concoctions in food tech when he actually remembers his stuff

-considered popular

-misses the bus to school and just sneaks back into bed only to scare darragh an hour later when the school asks where he is and he replies “HE ISNT AT SCHOOL???”

-only hits other peoples vapes

-has a football tiktok account

-most negatives/detentions in year 7

lenny

-teachers hate the fact hes friends with sean, they think seans a bad influence

-they dont realise lenny just has the same amount of evil in him

-absolutely refuses to vape

-brought a nike backpack to seem cool but cant fit all his stuff in there

-starts fights in the canteen queue

-surprising amount of teachers like him

-regularly misses the bus too school but isnt allowed to just go back to bed, either gets driven or has to walk

-always get crushed on his way to lesson

-always makes sean late because he begs him to walk him to lesson

kieran

-gets lost almost everyday and freaks out

-giant backpack so he can bring every bit of stationary on earth (ppl steal pencils from him)

-hides in his english teachers room at break because john wants to beat him up

-missed the bus home because he fell over and absolutely bawled

-he thought his parents would be mad but they were actually shitting themselves (it took him FOURTY MINUTES to tell a teacher he’d missed the bus and asked them to call his parents because he had no data)

-refuses to queue for food at lunch so takes a packup instead

-he moved from the opposite high school everyone hated (he was in that school for a day) so they all hate him too

-also hate him because hes an easy target

-runs to lesson

mary beth

-runs the year 7 school tiktok account and ships people

-had a meltdown in the school bathrooms after shipping her science and english teachers (both males) because they were launching a “full investigation”

-they never found out it was her

-used a tiktok slideshow to decide what to bring to school

-was doing super well popularity wise until she went in the library one break…

-also runs to lesson

-year 11s call her cute and laugh about how small

-reads on the bus but no one bullies her because karen sits next to her

karen

-mary beths og primary school friend no matter how different they are in high school

-follows tutorials on how to skip lesson and always gets caught

-drowns the classroom in her body spray

-genuinely looks like a chav because she doesnt know makeup

-proudly beefs year 8s and wins

-lies abt her age on snap

-denies the fact shes lost and comes to almost all her lessons late

-vapes on the bus and physically fights with sean

-both of them end up getting kicked off and continue to fight

-hated by everyone on the bus because shes yelling at 8am

javier

-walks to lesson with john and gets them both lost

-coats his hair in gel every single day

-makes tiktoks on the bus until his phone dies

-spent extreme time and effort planning how he was going to look at school

-the teachers think hes funny at first but he actually is infuriating

-will probably pick music as a gcse

-john accidentally smashed his chromebook

-has all the gaming websites

-got iso for calling john a slur

micah

-immediately expelled for a hatecrime in the first week and was never heard from again