#i dont think community does this on purpose but i do think its abt time we all get it a bit together honestly

[ultrasopp]

Bla bla bla sleepdeprived rambles and im not online enough for this (aka no tiktok) but. Is the obsession with trans men's hair truly that big? I see too much 1) the ideal of a hairy daddy body being pushed when testo just does not do that for everyone and 2) the CONSTANT list of products and treatments to avoid the gross receding hairline illness!!!!! Literally are we supporting trans people or are we not? fuck this honestly

(post is brought to u by cis friend 1 calling me 'hairy ass donkey' for having chest hair and cis friend 2 saying 'congrats on the receding hairline' like it was an inside joke??? girl we havent seen each other in months? hello??? i know this is tiktok's fault bc she said 'receding hairline' in english lmao)

[damagedcoda6669]

hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3

ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p

there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^

u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!

1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.

2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.

this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.

3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.

u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.

4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(

5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.

i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.

6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)

intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks

7: chronic feelings of emptiness.

this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.

8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

angy

(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)

9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!

personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!

self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3

bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!

[nugget-gender]

🎹🧠💎 :3

you didnt specify so im going to use a large amount of Guys

Asera: In terms of hobbies. She doesn't do much on account of Actually Socializing a lot. He does collect things though, like figurines or limited edition plushies. I think my favorite thing abt her is. well. the angst potential.

Viktor: Does reading City Wikipedia count? He mostly just works and researches. The research holds no real purpose, though. Sometimes he argues with people on City Reddit. I like him for his loser energy and cringefail personality <3

Scarlett: Once she realizes that she is a person with actual feelings, I think she likes cooking and baking. I loooove the uber autism it makes me very happy

Ruby: Sleeping with coworkers. Also singing, but she's shy about it. Sometimes it tries to cook. I like when I get to push down her facade because it is Tiring to maintain in rp. good lord girl

Adam: Reading Bible. He probably plays golf or something. He would. I like playing with how faith interacts with. The City.

Slips: Nobody expects this, but he is absurdly good at turn-based strategy. Real time strategy, not so much. Very good comic relief, and some angst potential when you think abt it.

Tetra: Avid reader. Does some writing, but nobody sees it. Could probably be convinced to release the fanfics. I fucking love having such a Normal Man. he isnt but hes the closes i have

Parker: Smoking weed counts if its a communal activity, right? Otherwise participates in the hobbies of others, but doesn't have any of their own. I gotta love having an oc that is unarguably horrible. You dont have to make everyone redeemable

Mary: She enjoys sewing, and occasionally tries to get into knitting. She can also play piano. I enjoy her fixation on her abnormality son(Child of the Galaxy)

Maritza: Enjoys reading, but more as visual novels or webcomics than books. She's also getting into programming. Token straight woman. At the very least, she maintains that she is.

Myukeu: Roleplays online. It also collects rocks. I love the prey animal nature of the myooks.

Evgeni: They do a lot of working. She also likes to look at bugs, but doesn't care to collect them. He does have a pet frog, though, and raises some beetles for it. Excellent thingy. Very Normal(odd).

Katya: She works out. It makes her uncomfortable when people are stronger than her. Nobody is allowed to see the hello kitty collection. Parker did somehow, and it makes Katya Very Not Happy. I enjoy having her to enforce the realization that Parker Bad, but in her own right shes pretty fun :3

These are all lobotomy corp ocs by origin. yes, i have definitely thought about murdering them in cold blood.

[quirkthieves]

pulling a lot of this from my dms with lys but what really pushed me to change up ibara's backstory was re-examining the way she talks to and about things

ibaras ocd just seems so deeply unmanaged/overlooked that i have to wonder if shes just been in an environment that encourages it yknow. like there is no self soothing happening here she is collapsing in public

she thinks its appropriate to tell people they need to be flogged like i feel like at some point this has to have been encouraged bc she doesnt seem to feel the shame of it being "socially abnormal" the way it feels with ocd when you know its kinda irrational and nobody thinks that way. in general honestly she communicates in a way that indicates she doesnt understand that nobody else understands the religious talk + jargon, even when theyre clearly taken aback by it. i cant imagine she called shishida "beast of revelations" out of any malice or even to be mischievious, i think to her thats just basically a synonym for him. while she clearly gets upset and embarrassed abt other things, it feels like her fundamental reality hinges on Everyone Being On The Same Page With Her when they very much are NOT

Ibara is obsessed with things being completely clear to the point of getting upset at mic for a funny one-liner i cant IMAGINE shes trying to be obtuse on purpose. but she even uses a personal pronoun thats so formal and archaic its not used by anyone except corporations/politicians making official apology statements theres also in LN2, at a girls slumber party at the training camp, a gag where mina brings up love and yaomomo is like "Love?! before marriage?!" and shiozaki agrees and says something abt marriage being a promise before god. which like is just meant to be a silly gag abt how sheltered yaomomo is but again that + the way ibara speaks + other things seem to indicate not even just a religious upbringing but an incredibly insular one. when the girls in that chapter are talking abt potential dates, ibara says she thinks someone needs to "pull the thorn from endeavors heart" and everyones like. YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ENDEAVOR? GIRL? and shes like. what? no. i just think he needs help like mentally

& ibara never tries to proselytize in canon. she talks abt the lord vaguely, but she never mentions it in a way that insinuates she expects her classmates to convert, just that she holds them to the same moral standard she holds herself, and a general obliviousness to the fact they dont know what shes talking about to her it seems like god is just a literal physical reality untethered to personal affiliation in fact shes like. bizarrely un-denominational in her christianity she never references things outside of allusions to bible stories, the lord as a concept, or her moral ethos. and again, in all the christmas material we see of her she almost looks confused as to why shes there

which. sure in part probably has more to do with horikoshi but the way i interpret it is just that these "official cultural aspects" like the celebrations themselves / decorations / etc are completely divorced from "actual christmas" in her mind. she has no fucking clue why there are elves involved what the fuck does this have to do with jesus which again would point to an incredibly, incredibly insular upbringing. like, more than MLA insular shes completely alienated from the culture of her peers but doesnt understand why because she still hasnt felt any need to question her concept of culture or reality in general. so instead shes just baffled all the time. no wonder shes so high strung. AUGH

[the-astrophel-system]

took those questions from one of the "system ask games" and answering them here. why? bc i wanna answer them, i dont wanna wait for asks, and you cant stop me /lh

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

yeah we do! or at least try to. we personally have done it through journalling and using simply plural. we mainly use sp now, as journalling is more so for communication / vent / memory purposes.

🫀 - do you have non-human alters? what species are they?

yeah! just over half of us are 'non-human', but that varies from part human (fae, hybrids, mermaids, etc) to full animals (cat, fox) and even objects.

🍄 - when did you realise you had a complex dissociative disorder?

i believe the body was 13? eh ill say 13-14 years old, as a bit of a range because there was about a year and a bit of researching and tracking symptoms and whatnot before we really understood / knew we had it.

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

yes a lot. whether it emotional amnesia or grey outs, or forgetting day-to-day things, yeah. a lot of amnesia can happen with switches, though its rarely black-outs for us, and sometimes we have amnesia even when there hasn't been a switch.

🥩 - who was the most recent split?

for personal reasons, not gonna answer this one <33

🦴 - do you have an innerworld? what does it look like?

oh my fuck, we could make a whole post about our innerworld and all the different areas. we do have an innerworld, and its existed for as long as i can remember. its changed over time and some places change how it looks daily, but we can make a whole post about it all.

🦷 - what’s a fun fact about the current fronter(s)?

ooooh a fun fact abt me. i would sayyyy, i named myself after a character in a fanfiction <3

💀 - is your system more overt or covert?

covert. when we're with people we trust and feel safe with, we present more overtly. however with day-to-day, its definitely covert. our switches can be smooth, or sometimes we straight up leave the room and have privacy. we all tend to mask, even if its just a little bit. if you knew we were a system, you might be able to catch a switch here or there. but i think thats only if you know what you're looking for.

🍷 - does your music taste differ from alter to alter? how?

a bit, yeah. mostly all of us kinda like alt or indie music. some of us love musicials while others dont. skye, she fucking loves raps, while others cant stand rap music. some like more heavier music, while pretty much all our syskids like soft songs. we have different playlists on spotify that haven't been updated in months </3

🦇 - do you have any friends with CDDs?

yes we have one with a cdd <3

📺 - are you “heavy” with any type of alter? (e.g. syskid-heavy, introject-heavy, etc.)

we are non-human (57.6%), and 'brainmade' heavy (65.8%). were the percentages needed? ofc not. did i still spend 20 mins figuring it out? yeah.

if you have any questions abt our system, or want us to do another of these (if we can find another) just let us know!

- clem (she/her)

[aorish]

lots of people, especially trans people who are undergoing physical transition, (including myself and several of my friends) get asked invasive questions all the time. (are u rly unaware of all the cis people who think its a-ok to ask trans ppl abt their genitals?) but even outside of trans ppl, sexual harassment exists and often takes the form of invasive questions.

the purpose of asking "do you think thats an appropriate question?" is twofold: one, it shows ppl being purposefully malicious that their behavior will not be rewarded, and two, when asked genuinely (as it should be) it can help people who genuinely dont know that its invasive to understand that, if theyve been asked this question before (and thats why they think its normal), that being asked that question is not normal and is in fact invasive.

also just as a general rule, just because you personally havent experienced something, doesnt mean other people are "making up a guy to be mad at"

huh. interesting, I haven't experienced that and would certainly not ask someone about their genitals, but that's gross and invasive and I agree that people shouldn't do that, and I'm very sorry that it does.

I don't think that this is a particularly useful response, though! I think a plain e.g. "I'm not comfortable answering that question" is the best, most polite, and unambiguous response. In a more general sense it communicates to the other person that you do not want to discuss a topic and then lets them infer that other people may not want to answer as appropriate.

Unless it is genuine malice, in which case I also kind of doubt that snark is going to help you here? That sounds like it would encourage that sort of behavior. If someone is trying to troll or harass you, a clap-back is generally not useful to you! But being flat and boring about your boundaries is going to encourage them to bother someone else.

But like, personally? I think if someone in real life ever responded "Do you think that's an appropriate question to ask someone?" to something I asked in good faith, uh, I would probably not want to interact with them ever again, no matter what tone of voice they said it in. I would probably be too hurt if I still didn't think it was a personal question upon further reflection, or too embarrassed if I did!

So it seems more like with this confrontational, passive aggressive strategy that you're encouraging malicious people to interact with you more while driving away people who are simply awkward or don't understand their own personal boundaries. Uh, that doesn't seem great to me!

[phantom-bleu]

I think people can be a little too harsh on the tlers its smth ive thought abt for a while. Like ppl criticised wizard cookie for being much “meaner” in the revised english translation but actually he was always a pretty snarky kid even back in ovenbreak, they just dialled it up and also gave him jabs in his dialogue that made more sense in english. And espressos supposed diff personality in eng to kr bc thanks to koreans grammar systems he slips from polite/formal into informal on occasion to make a point abt his upbringing. You obviously cant do that in english so expecting translators to just magically come up w a faithful tl for that isnt fair. Except english does have a form of the same thing which they did use, espresso talks in such contrived formal sentences w zero contractions or any figures of speech to the complexity that ive seen a couple of instances where ppl didnt even understand what his dialogue meant. And we can ask ourselves why that was their chosen method. While i cant read korean we can only assume espressos formal speech is to adapt to high republic society which hes not born into and treats him worse for it, and hes on the defence to prove his place there. And we can also only assume his informal tense is more true 2 his natural way of talking. In english espressos so well-spoken its jarring compared with other charas, esp latte who is a similar position to him but so much more relaxed, and he comes across as stuck-up and rude for it. But doesnt that also serve the same purpose as being a voice he puts on to prove he belongs in academia/high society/etc bc if you really thought abt it his manner of speaking just wouldnt naturally happen. Does this kind of alter his personality? Yeah but in the case where they struggled to tl a largely grammar-based point of characterisation into a language where u just cant do the same thing he would probably come across as so much drier. A localisation being different to the original text isnt a bad thing, its often necessary to rephrase things or make changes to a character so that these small things abt charas r communicated more intuitively without you having to think abt them or keeping in mind that the game isnt originally english. Like they arent trying to sabotage a characters personality most of the time they have to make minor sacrifices so that you arent completely lost trying to pick up on all the subtext and cues from a culture u arent from. This is the point where id also defend the 1 dchoco line in the dark cacao kingdom storyline everyone and their mother had a problem with but i dont remember it so im not gonna

[qrichas]

vent post. fandom neg, not abt any specific situation, feel free to ignore and scroll past

i get so tired of the overprotection the fandom has regarding characters and actions sometimes it feels too annoying to bear seeing stuff anywhere anymore. i understand when its done with the purpose to avoid miscaracterization from people who dont watch them and try to paint anything they do as the completly opposite or even false stuff at all also ofc its natural to have a bias towards your favorite, you like them and want people to understad them. but its tiring as fuck seeing posts like "how dare x character say something about y like that" when y character did something that bothered x and its normal they react like that, or "the situation between a b c and d is so sad bc no one takes into account a's feelings about this and how much they went thru" when 'a' never communicated properly what they go thru neither b c or d interacts in their pov the moment things happened, being impossible to know what happened without metagaming, or "h never gave any reason to distrust j about this" when they dont need to, even if its a tragic situation, characters will simply choose if they want to trust someone or not.

and the "trust" part is also something that makes me very pissed bc ppl act like any minor misstep someone makes is a "break of [characters] trust" and that they should isolate bc theyre oh so sad and no one cares about them and life is tragedy for them. when the people on the server are literally friends in real life and not always theyre gonna be full time roleplaying so ofc theyre gonna want to spend time with people regardless if their characters have beef with each other. i get you want to engage with the themes that are presented with a character and the story in general and discuss the analysis behing it but not everything is to be taken 100% seriously in need of deep discussions or long threads, sometimes things can change in the blink of an eye if the cc wants to, bc thats their character and their playstyle and they can do whatever they want with it. and i say this as a person with favorite characters, favorite themes i like to engage and discuss abt them, and that wants others to understand their actions and how their trajectory in the story is non-linear. but im also aware i dont need to excuse everything they do to make them seem like they're never wrong in any situation and theyre in fact the one who suffered most and people who are reacting negatively or having their own opinions abt them are, in fact, wrong and never understood the character as a person. not everything is abt your main pov and you have to be aware of this (tho its fine to joke like "they did nothing wrong!!!!" i myself do that, just be self aware). even if i dont like the way a character reacted to something my favorite has done/said (because its normal to be upset abt these things) or i think its unfair, its literally not on me to say what that character does or has to do and only them can choose what to do abt it, because after all this is a medium of semi improv roleplay, its not a fictional world with fleshed out characters with a start and an end. the ccs will say or do things they dont actually mean to say or do in character sometimes, and without counting the language barrier factor. anyway, ppl are free to complain abt stuff thats their blog and their own opinions and they can keep doing whatever. however ill be blocking posts and blogs that annoy me to no end regarding this situation in specific and then enjoying what my mutuals are posting or talking abt. i just wanted to put this vent out here bc thats something ive been bothered with for a long time and i cant vent this properly nowhere else lol.

[railway-lands]

I think that ronan (unintentionally, mind you) dreamt bryde because he was so lonely and alone in dreaming (he even says this to hennessy - i've been alone a long time, at the moment he feels like he belongs and understands what he is) and never had someone to guide him with such a strange and mysterious power. (this might be a weak comparison but imagine having to learn math without a teacher or help or anything, and no one else you know is learning math or even knows it exists) at the end of the day, he was just a naive kid and then traumatised teen and then just as equally confused and scared young adult. (and he always had big emotions, and was never taught how to regulate them, besides who could, when your father is niall lynch who lives life like its a story, and your brother is declan "repression attic" lynch who has never known how to healthily express emotions a day in his life, and matthew "my only emotion is varying degrees of happiness" lynch.) bryde provided that sense of belonging and bringing him community and such (such as bringing him other dreamers, explaining his power, etc.) (and the "older than he looks" thing with bryde reminds me of the way that queer people are relieved to see older queers - we do survive longer than we think / there is happiness at some point type mentality. after all, ronan is trapped by the nightwash, which threatens to kill him. and just in general he's very self destructive.)

and, niall never explained how to dream. he told fantastical stories about it but never taught ronan how to dream deliberately, how to do it safely, even about the nightwash? surely he must have known about the nightwash. and aurora told him to hide it, as does declan (keep it a secret - forever? in mister impossible) (and in the holiday short a very declan christmas, we see that he constantly tries to discourage ronan from dreaming. i want a bird army. also go read it its online somewhere im normal abt it pleas please pleas)

(now i do acknowledge that there was kavinsky who did teach ronan some stuff about dreaming, but also. kavinsky does not have the credibility that bryde appears to have, and he was also a shitbag who kidnapped matthew. also the entire time he was vaguely flirting with ronan in a way that made it feel like the dreaming was secondary to the goal of getting ronan. so. he doesn't really count?)

also, ronan has depression, which definitely adds to this sense of confusion and desire to belong and understand. he frequently wonders what his purpose is, and also prays (on several? occasions) about what he's supposed to do. (ive also seen a couple interpretations where ronans dreams are also somewhat a metaphor for grief? the blood and talons and anger and self-hatred that are a common theme of his.)

as for the dragging him away from his family, that's one im not too sure abt but the best guess i can give is that: bryde wasnt intentional right. he was created mostly sad (matthew picks up on this in his chapter at the end like. whyre you such a sad sack of shit man.) with a fierce desire to Dream and Protect dreams and dreamers and Make a space in the world for dreamers to exist without hiding. (and the answer was... commit ecoterrorism!! /j )

the entire "on the run bit" as you put it i feel is also spun in a way that reminds me of nialls stories. it feels almost lighthearted and more dramatic. ronan gets to be the hero and save the ley energy and all that, and in part that is probably also a part of bryde that was unintentionally incorporated. (he tells stories just like niall; has the same confidence and purpose and makes him feel special. perhaps that was part of the reason ronan almost immediately latched on to him)

i also dont think he ever really had malicious intent. he was just. doing what he thought was right, and because ronans a follower (as declan states when he meets with carmen in the diner) he wasn't going to question it. it all feeds into the you are made of dreams and this world is not for you thing.

Just finished the Dreamer Trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater and I have questions. Namely, why bring alien beings into it?

While this series reads like a fever dream, that twist felt oddly unnecessary and kind of undermined the Dreamer concept. Am I missing something?

🚩 Spoilers Below Cut 🚩

This whole threesome between Ronan’s parents and an alien just felt like it was added to explain away his mother’s abandonment without bothering to develop her character. Is there another take on this?

Having the mentor be one of Ronan’s dreams was a weird spin too. Why is he mentoring himself? And why is his mentor purposefully separating him from his family if he’s the product of Ronan’s dreams? This entire “on the run” bit had no point then?

[skincafe]

the signs as skincare

i like astrology and skincare so here we go

this is also just my opinion :)

aries- face masks

aries being the first sign is all about establishing their own identity and purpose. masks tend to have a focus on a specific purpose or skin issue, such as hydration or unclogging pores

they will have active ingredients selected and tailored to their purpose and active ingredients can be found in higher concentration which means they are meant to have a significant impact, def cardinal energy

debating btw aries and libra but aries is a more personal sign while libra is an air sign, more outward

taurus- moisturizer

at first moisturizer was giving me water sign probably bc of the name but it was also giving me fixed sign energy bc its a rlly foundational step of the routine that can be built upon

but fixed and water is scorpio and that did not make sense

but taurus makes sense bc moisturizer locks in all the other beneficial ingredients and steps in the routine and allows the skin to take them in

it also feels nice and soothing to apply

taurus being venusian and fixed is here for locking in actives, the benefits, the feel, and the dewy glow

gemini- retinol

ik every derm and skincare person has preached abt retinol and its wide range of benfits

also retinol is only one type of vitamin a derivative but i used it as an all-encompassing term here bc most ppl know it as retinol

bc of the various benefits, aging, acne, pigmentation, brightness etc. def a mutable sign very adaptable

also definitely a mercurial sign since it is one of the most well-researched ingredients and clinically approved

i was debating btw virgo and gemini, but i went with gemini for their air sign qualities, able to set their mind to various endeavors at once whereas virgo would focus on a single goal

cancer- spf

cancer is very protective and so is sunscreen, it is crucial to protect against skin damage from the sun, aging, and skin conditions

cancer is sometimes referred to as the mother of the zodiac (in reference to archetype), it is a necessary step to allow all the other ingredients to have a lasting effect

cancer is also the cardinal sign in western astrology that begins the summer szn

you should wear sunscreen yr round tho

just as uv filters can help absorb uv rays into the skin without damage, cancer is empathetic and can absorb the emotions around them

leo- toner and essence

originally this gave me water sign energy and ik leo would want to be a spotlight skincare step BUT here’s my reasoning

leos actually enjoy helping and protecting others, think the “king of the zodiac” archetype, but more of a benevolent ruler. they enjoy seeing their friends prosper with their help. they’re also a fixed sign

fixed signs do not like change, they prefer consistency and toners were originally created to re-balance the ph level of the skin (back when cleansers were too harsh). nowadays different toners do a lot to balance out the skin: manage oil production, hydration levels, calm irritation, etc.

essences allow for products to absorb better into the skin and work better.

leos are also very creative and toners and essences tend to have many new and interesting ingredients in them, unlike spf or moisturizers which have multiple trusted and reliable ingredients and less experimental ones.

virgo- salicylic acid & benzoyl peroxide

salicylic acid is a BHA which is an exfoliant too but this is more in an acne fighting sense, exfoliation is lower

these are both two very common but very effective acne fighting ingredients

similar to gemini, virgo is mercurial and would appreciate that both these products are well researched and clinically approved i had a prescription w benzoyl peroxide before

also have many great uses and can work with different skin types and different types of acne

libra- spot treatment

spot treatments are fast-acting, filled with active ingredients usually at higher concentrations than all-over-the-face products, usually work quickly and effectively

definitely cardinal energy since w/ a good spot treatment we see the results quick, and expect that change

i was thinking libra or aries, but libra is more about relationships and communication with others/ the outside world. it is also venusian so more about aesthetics than aries

the skin is one of the outermost parts of our body and the outermost organ, so naturally it will communicate more. whether you are blushing bc you are happy, or look tired, or pale bc you dont feel well etc.

scorpio- exfoliation

all about intimacy, finding what is hidden, transformation, and deeper meaning

exfoliation is all about removing the dead skin, and (if its an intense professional chemical peel it will remove a whole layer of skin), and seeing the healthier skin underneath, very transformative, very scorpio

can also be a bit intense depending on the strength of the product

sagittarius- serums

serums are definitely a mutable sign, the most adaptable and people often change them for different needs, i think you are more likely to buy an anti-aging serum to add to a routine or an anti-redness serum or a vitacin c serum, than you are to buy a whole new moisturizer with each active

constantly exploring new and interesting ingredients in serums, provide a lot of variety

sag does not like to be tied down and is always exploring new philosophies

capricorn- facials

while chemical peels and the laser treatments fall under this category, this is less specific, just the overall variety professional facials

capricorn is a very trusted and reliable sign and very wise and pragmatic. they are also a cardinal sign making them ambitious

with professional facials, you are going to get very effective, reliable treatment based on expertise just like a cap

and you expect to see a significant change, reflecting the cardinal qualities.

professionals would alter the facial to meet your needs making it very practical and no nonsense as well.

aquarius- laser and led treatments

aquarius is very innovative and seeks new technology to better the world around them

in more recent years, a lot of new technology is being introduced into the realm of skincare, which all screams aquarius to me but i put laser and led treatments bc they are pretty well known

i feel like new technology could give cardinal sign energy but i think fixed energy makes sense. it indicates a time of focus imo. there is less influence from a changing environment

pisces- cleansing

cleansing has mutable energy to me, i think of taking the entire day’s worth of makeup and dirt and oil off

mutable signs indicate the changing of the seasons, and pisces is the end of winter, like the end of day

pisces is very reflective and being the final zodiac sign they can look towards all the past experiences and bring the cycle to an end.

[wickedpact]

Wildly unpopular opinion time: i love Nile, I do.

But narratively it made the least sense for her to kill Merrick. She literally only has one scene with him and that’s the scene where she kills him. Imo it was badass but it felt empty, lacking of any real emotional pull. She only kills him because she’s the main character if we’re being honest. Otherwise it makes zero sense. It would have felt more rewarding if Joe or Nicky had killed him as they’ve had the most scenes with him out of all the OG crew. It would have even been more rewarding if it had been Booker, redeeming himself. But honestly Nile, who virtually has no real idea who Merrick is, killing him, the big bad? Felt like a I’m The Main Character So This Is Why It’s Happening And No Other Reason moment. Sorry??

i get what youre saying but.. idk i like that nile kills merrick. or to be specific, i like that nile&andy kill merrick. bc the movie is all about nile and andy’s relationship, theyre the two heroic leads, and merrick is the one villain lead. it makes sense that the Big Bad would get killed by the Big Good (ie. nile and andy) rather than one of the borderline-side characters (as much as i do love joe and nicky and booker) (also the idea of booker killing merrick to redeem himself is fascinating)

idk its like... merrick is both reminiscent of & the exact opposite of what the old guard stands for. merrick is, essentially, a man who does bad things for a good outcome. he kidnaps and tortures the squad for cancer research. but the thing is abt him is... hes not doing it for good reasons. hes doing it for money. greg talks a little in the podcasts about how good should be done for the purpose of Doing Good, not for moral desserts.

meanwhile the immortal squad is both That and the exact opposite. they do bad things (murder) for a good outcome(to save people) and the thing is abt merrick vs. the squad is that merrick gets rewarded for doing that (money) and the squad doesnt. they dont even get the reward of knowing for certain that theyve done a good thing, they just have to kind of believe. they get literally no reward for it. killing merrick is a bit like rejecting the idea of doing ‘good’ for selfish reasons

so it makes sense to me in that regard that nile and andy kill merrick. especially considering how they do it -- with an inside joke/reference (do you think he speaks russian), which the squad passes around throughout the whole movie (bedhead/malta, sao paulo 34, etc). its like a shorthand to show how close they all are, that they can communicate so easily that they rarely have to say exactly what theyre thinking. nile being involved in one of those jokes for the first time shows how shes beginning to actually be a part of the group, and nile killing the guy who stands for the opposite of what the old guard does also accomplishes a similar purpose

& like you said it is kind of ‘I’m The Main Character So This Is Why It’s Happening‘ but it would feel kind of weird if nile, the protagonist, wasnt involved in the killing of the main villain. if joe or nicky had done it, itd make sense in that they have the most beef with merrick, and it would kind of be a ‘GET HIS ASS’ moment, but it would kind of derail the story too. is this narrative about nile growing into her immortality or is it about Joe And Nicky’s Torture Vacation? if it were the latter, joe and nicky killing merrick would make sense, but its not. joe and nicky are there to be the Sexy Kidnapped Lamp and to add thematic and narrative flavor. they arent the focus of the story, nile is

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[wamiandayne]

i love this post. "you made it 13 hours ago" i know im gonna expand on it

so like obviously i love the final girl trope and rn esp the inversion of the final girl trope (think butcher baker nightmare maker, society, etc) but the point of it is that its like. horrifying to be the last one. think scream. think clear rivers final destination. you are the final girl. you are alone. forever. no one is there to help you. everyone else is gone. everyone who remains is there to hurt you, to hinder you, to undermine you. like it is no coincidence that 9 times out of 10 our final girl is young & white. something abt white feminity means a rejection of true, close, friendships (see this like. shown to the extreme in flicks like jennifers body) bc everything is a competition. the final girl is pretty. the final girl is rich. the final girl is a virgin. the final girl is pure. the final girl is what a woman (girl) should be.

then we get into the more psychological horror side of it (thinking specifically of suspiria/possession/black swan/mother!) where one of the most important themes of all of those movies is how alone our protagonists are the entire time. suspiria starts with the mc moving away from home to a country where she doesnt know anyone and the first thing she witnesses are people fighting, and death. possession where anna feels no connection to her husband and son. where she is constantly seeking connection and locks herself away in an empty rotting house fucking and building a monster for companionship. (possession being about divorce and lonlieness is still the funniest thing in the world to me btw. i love possession but it really did not click into place at all until i knew it was made immediately after the directors divorce). the subway scene in possession is like. the epitome. she is screaming and screaming and screaming but it isnt performance. its not for anyone. she does it cause shes alone. she can only do it because she is so utterly alone. black swan mirrors what i mentioned w the final girl trope; the lack of community, of camaraderie especially. natalie portmans character being so alone allows her to fall victim to rhe monster (the man). her solitude and disconnect from everyone who isnt her mother (which is very.... the piano teacher. i despise that movie but i recognize now with the months and months of distance what it was trying to do and what it accomplished. but our protagonist only having a connection with their mother does not limit the lonliness- they usually have a shitty relationship, and children [newborns] dont understand theyre separate entities from their mother anyways) leads to the entire plot of the movie. she is alone on purpose because everyone else is trying to win. to beat her. to be the best. again- no community. her death. this is emphasized with the lack of a black swan (or white swan). she plays both. there isnt another person there to understand her. to be with her. she fufills every role alone. mother! is another fantastic example shout out aronofsky for real Personally i love mother! i think its really good bur i prefer to read it biblically rather than about nature. mother! is just like suspiria, like possession, like black swan. she moves away alone and is haunted by the man. who cannot connect with her. because of the disconnect between man and woman. and the only thing to keep her going is her child, who isnt a separate entity from her yet. vs possession where anna cannot relate to her son because he is independent now- he is seeking out the teacher. am i blending my movies? dont care. white feminity and womanhood in horror.........the inherent lack of culture and connection. beau is afraid. I see.

hm.

this is less about isolation now im onto something

a significant theme in horror is isolation. being alone. its what allows our final girl to exist. its scary because youre alone. its scary because theres no one you can trust. slashers. psychological thrillers. no one else is like you and no one else can help you. this is a reflection on human nature. safety in numbers. love. community. solidarity. this is why white people will never prosper

[matoitech]

Different anon but I would love to hear more about how Galo being autistic affects his relationship with Aina

oh i would love to talk about this cuz i think its an interesting example we have of galo being autistic and most other characters not rly making much effort to understand where hes coming from or connect w him! so first i gotta mention that in canon theres a lot of wiggle room for interpretation with aina and her and galos relationship just due to how little time its given, but to me it FEELS like they want her to be a parallel to galo (ESPECIALLY true w the lake scene) so sometimes she comes off more as like, also autistic and just doesnt rly mesh in communication styles or understanding why her own attempts at reaching out 2 galo arent working (same as he struggles w his relationship w aina and other ppl, and why theres so many songs abt him and lio Getting Each Other) so like autistic in an opposite direction from him, and sometimes (esp in the ova) it feels like shes meant to b read as allistic and thats why they arent rly meshing. i think the latter is probably more likely to be the intention but the former can b a lot of fun cuz autistic aina <3 anyway moving on

so like to make this more organized im gonna skim thru the ova and the major scene w them from the movie, galo and burning rescue meet in his ova when he introduces himself to them by way of bringing up his special interests and what he assumes are their shared passion for firefighting and everything that goes along w that. ive talked abt this b4 w this scene, but galo bringing his special interests in2 the convo right away and introducing them alongside himself is both a super common autistic way to try to connect w people as well as say hey this is what im about. that obviously doesnt go that well as we get our first introduction of how burning rescue is gonna treat him for the ova and duration of the movie, aina included, in being kind of rude to him (except remi whose very ableist compared to the others) abt it n immediately treating him like an idiot for trying to communicate w them the way thats natural for him. this kind of solidifies how theyll talk abt him and communicate w him for the movie, even as they gain some respect 4 him for saving thyma they dont change how they talk w/about him

im not gonna go over everything in the movie but the lake scene w galo and aina has the very obvious purpose of showing that galo isnt interested in like the potential woman love interest the movie is pushing at him but IS interested in lio, it also serves various other functions some of which being 1) exposition 2) introducing galo and aina as being more alike (paralleled even) than they can rly understand thru their previous attempts at getting 2 know each other 3) SHOWING more how aina and galo have not rly gotten along b4 and showing thru their faltering attempts 2 connect that even if they have stuff in common this is not the romance u r going to get i this movie and they just dont like each other like that

aina and galos communication styles and humor both feel different to me and dont mesh that well, theyre both blunt tho in different ways (aina even told heris galo was ‘honest and too blunt for his own good’ which i think is funny coming from her lol) like galo tries to be expressive and hes got this thing abt Proving himself while aina more quietly does her own thing, galos rly genuine and doesnt rly get that other ppl might not b being genuine (which is smth kr*y took advantage of to lie to him and manipulate him), aina however is rly dry so it comes off as barbed when i think its unintentional and while there r points when shes kind of mean i dont think shes like, going out of her way to hurt his feelings i just think she doesnt rly recognize that galo.. HAS feelings? theres a certain way burning rescue (and in general other characters in promare) treat galo where hes dismissed as being just an idiot for.. being autistic rly and i think thats just smth aina did b4 they had more of a chance to talk one on one and make more of an effort. i dont think she rly treats him the same way she did in the start of the movie and the ova as she does the further the movie goes on. they just didnt know each other very well and no one rly made much of an effort w him b4 then

the long and short of it is that from what we see in the movie it affects his relationship w aina a very similar way it does w burning rescue as general (they function sort of like a single character at times) and galo and aina having dif communication styles (galos very explicitely bcuz he is autistic) shows in making it harder for him to have like, genuine connections and relationships bcuz while galo and aina both sometimes try to extend olive branches to each other (like i think they have trouble getting along but it helped to find common ground) them not rly understanding each other or why the other person does things the way they do was smth intentionally included 4 the straightbaiting bit to work and showing galo and aina wouldnt rly work together and galo and lio r more like. attracted to/intrigued by/instinctively understanding of each other and have that compelling them to get to know each other, n their experiences lend them dif levels of respect towards each other that galo and his coworkers never had. in a way even tho aina made an effort w galo later he had kind of moved on from trying to be friends with his coworkers by then and pursued his relationship w lio instead (again lots of dif reasons they get each other and vibed on a dif level than he had w other ppl, the obvious among them being theyre gay 4 each other lol), tho thats not set in stone n after the events of the movie maybe they can b friends now

anyway umm yes i think post promare galo and aina find ways to communicate better and i would like for them to be friends but like galo being autistic is legitimately the reason trigger gave for him getting off on the wrong foot with burning rescue lmao. it definitely affects his relationship w aina in that way even tho i think she started being more receptive 2 his way of communicating later on. hope this somewhat answered ur question, i have a lot of dif ways of viewing their relationship and characters. as always if anyone has specifics u want elaborated on or has smth 2 add i would luv to hear it

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.