#i dont remember the last time we talked
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adambomb82 · 11 months ago
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It's that time again
#hello friend#i dont remember the last time we talked#or rather you listened#i find myself in an odd situation#i keep having reoccuringdreams that feel like all the progress ive made has been for nothing#visions of past memories and also a future in which things stayed the same#things happening that could have happened but also would not happen#interactions with people long since past all in an effort to find some closure#i fear that this will forever mark me somehow and i will not be able to escape this#have i trapped myself? are the circumstances in my control?#to some extent i blieve they are but its so hard to force my mind one direction when it clearly has its own plans#i miss my friends so dearly#i miss what could have been#im currently on vacation and while i am having fun i cant help but feel half of a whole#i feel like i would enjoy this so much more if it were with a companion or someone i loved dearly#because promises were made long ago that never came to fruition#and now i am experiencing those things alone and feel as though ive robbed myself and her of these experiences#i find myself thinking about you once again and wondering when our paths will cross again#or if i even want that to happen#if i left for good would you turn and look?#time will tell#so many words and thoughts and not enough time to tell them all in a way thats coherent#a stream of consciousness that will find its path#i miss you#i miss all of you#i hope one day i can be at ease#everything will be okay because it has to be#this too shall pass
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cthulhum · 11 months ago
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
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clouvu · 1 year ago
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Save me french yuri... Save me
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thegenderfluidace · 30 days ago
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brainrot continues with the tried and true method of messing around and finding out(mainly with the brushes tbh(always fun to add more detail when the brushes be finer)) still figuring out how i wanna draw this guy but i am forcing the lil star/twinkle freckles because i will put those on any characters i can make it work with and what do ya know dude used to have twinkly hair so yeyeyeye
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girlwiththegreenhat · 7 months ago
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hey when they wrote "knight behind bars" and they wrote kitt helping a couple get together and they gave him the line "Some day, it will be my turn" [to find love]. did they know what they were doing. did they know that in some 40 years some gay autistic robot-obsessed little freak on tumblr would not stop thinking about it for weeks and write literal dozens of paragraphs screaming about it on discord. did they know they were going to ruin Me, Specifically, with this concept that feels like the culmination of everything kitt has gone through through the show and such a fascinating thing to think about in regards to michael and kitt's relationship,
one of the themes of knight rider is kitt developing as a Person, developing a line between the Knight Industries Two-Thousand, and Kitt. discovering humanity, his own emotions, the joys of the seemingly and logically pointless, and often through the lens of his own driver, his partner, his friend, Michael - his primary guide through all these experiences, his reference for those human things he doesn't understand. and as much as he initially claims to not be capable of experiencing emotions, of understanding feelings, he learns to. he experiences a wide range of emotions through the show even while claiming he doesn't, he even learns fear and insecurity. perhaps it's only natural a robot would learn to love, or at the very least be terribly curious about it and wonder if such a thing could ever exist for Him
the majority of people are not exactly kind to kitt. they talk about him like he's not there, they talk about him like he's a machine, a novelty, some people are even scared of or disturbed by him when all he's trying to do is make polite conversation and company. he's always Othered - there's no other cars like him (at least not anymore), but there's no other person like him either, he doesn't truly belong among humans or vehicles. some of the technicians at FLAG don't even seem to fully respect him as a person, at least they don't based on my vague recollection of how they talk about him in Junkyard Dog. when Michael asks him after KARR is destroyed if it feels good to be one of a kind again, he doesn't say yes or no - he only says it's a "familiar feeling." it may be familiar, but it's surely also isolating, and i think that's something he'd realize as he slowly picks up this curiosity about love. where could he even find it when so few people see him as an equal person to begin with?
and then there's michael. oh my god, and then there's michael. no matter what flavor you choose to read it in, the whole show is about their relationship, they're a duo, a set Not to be separated, they're Partners. they work together, they worry about and look after each other (forever insane about when kitt was a melted shell, Michael stuck around the garage for hours, waiting for any news like a worried spouse, constantly checking on him every opportunity he got... encouraging him to recover, and even helping paint back on his protective coating... kitt always looks after michael, but for once, it's michael's turn to look after Him), in a way they were Made for each other - Kitt more literally, being programmed for Michael and holding his namesake, but Michael was also made in a sense for the pilot program, hand picked and given a second life to work for the foundation and with this strange supercar. and even if they had a rocky start, michael comes to view kitt as a person - car, TV set, or computer core, Kitt is his partner, his buddy. he helps him find himself, guides him and teaches him about these things that make us human, and in a way, kitt becomes human - but his entire experience is still through the perspective of an AI in a car, it's still very unique and isolating, and I think he sort of grows into his own limitations, he's finally brushing against the walls that define him.
he learns of love, and then he learns to dream Of love. these things he sees in the movies, that michael tells him about, that he so often sees michael Partaking in that he gets so oddly jealous of, doesn't it all seem so wonderful? he's very curious. but who could ever love steel and circuitry, who could ever see him as an equal let alone a partner in a romantic sense? who would ever love a car and all the limitations That comes with? it's a problem for a hypothetical hopeful Some Day, in the meantime stuck between two worlds where he doesn't perfectly belong to either, where no car Can love him and no human seemingly Would love him...
and michael loves him anyway. before either of them really realize or talk about it, in spite of everything, in any form, regardless of the fact it wouldn't be a typical relationship by absolutely any means, michael loves him anyway. kitt is as much a person to him as bonnie or devon or RC, and that person is someone he loves and cares for deeply. the feeling is mutual, kitt's world revolves around michael, he's one of the most important people in kitt's life, and he'd do anything to protect him.
and it is michael that will finally teach him to love, and what it means to feel loved in turn, to be loved as the person he undoubtedly is.
#liz blogs#kr#knight rider#michael knight#kitt#robots#gay#this isnt writing. its rambling. its very insane rambling.#WHAT is the ship tag. i dont even know. fuck it we ball#michael x kitt#sure#knight rider spoilers#i saw someone make up a really good one but i cant remember what it was-- oh my god was it MK2000. was it. was that iT-#mk2000#retroactively gonna go tag all the fruity posts with that i dont care#do not even get me started on michael learning to love for the first time in This lifetime. ... literally dont get me started i havent seen#the last stevie episode yet. thats next weeks crying fit. but i feel like that's a piece i need#but stevie was michael Long's girl. part of His life. michael Knight can't go back to that. and maybe he Shouldn't#listen. its about michael teaching kitt to love. and kitt Letting him learn to love Again. something real besides his weekend flings#i need a lobotomyyyyyyy i need an ice pick to the brain i need to stop being completely fucking insane about robots#IF BEING INSANE ABOUT FICTIONAL ROBOTS WAS A JOB I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE#anyway michael is bisexual and a dashboard smoocher thanks for coming to my ted talk#homosexuality is rampant in the military jerry. thats a bisexual if ever i saw one. have you seen the way he dresses. he calls his car baby#if you dont watch knight rider and you read this i'm sorry i must look deranged#this ship is queer flavored even besides the fact its two guys. there's like four levels of queer flavoring in this bitch
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froschli96 · 7 months ago
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago
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theres something really funny about how the other day i was talkin bout majima fans complaining and then like three days ago yokoyama says something and now theyre complaining again
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seventh-district · 4 months ago
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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alchemiclee · 7 months ago
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to “educate” me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic 💀 they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my “anti ship propaganda” in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right 😅#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will 💀#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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rexscanonwife · 1 year ago
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Good afternoon everypony!! Last night my partner and I got a little silly and rewatched the episode of PPG where Utonium and Ms. Keane start dating and ugghh....why he so FUCKING cute 😭😭💖💖
And tbhhh the reason they sorta didn't work out is cause they weren't able to balance the lives they had with their infatuation with each other (tbh if the cat argument hadn't happened when it did any ol thing would have caused them to break up methinks) and y'know...I think that's why he'd work so well with my s/i 🥺👉👈
Theyre allowed to still be their own people and have their own things even if they do become a couple! Even if they get married! They're still individuals who support their own passions as well as each other's. And they certainly don't need/want to change themselves for each other 💖💖💖
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littlest-bugz · 6 months ago
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Dissociative barriers have been high as fuck for a minute, and when I feel like talking abt it w/ my friends, I feel like I just shouldn't iykwim. Like they don't need to hear it.
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pawbeanies · 9 months ago
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every so often i think abt the first time i smoked A Weed (hotboxed in my friends car and them hung out w them and their boyfriend) and in the moment i was Mega Nervous about third wheeling but when i relayed my Experience to my friends they were all like "chuu .......... i dont think you were third wheeling.... i think they were inviting u to join them ............" like how was I supposed to figure that out from them inviting me to snuggle with them on the couch and both of them running their hands through my hair and going on about how soft it was and telling me it was ok for me to come closer and that i could "take what i needed" and
on the otjer hand it was also the first time i ever had italian beef sandwiches so like i think it was a rlly formative experience for me. the moral of the story here is italian beef sandwiches are good
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bunnyboy-juice · 4 days ago
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i guess this is a vent? idk I'm talk to myself some is all
the thing ab CAB is she will literally experience us having coughing fits every couple of hours overnight, waking up drowsy and dizzy with a sore throat, clutching her stomach as the sick affects the tummy and also the pre-existing GI issues, and brain empty bc sick brain fog + grief brain fog + already have brain problems. and her ass will still try to take over and be like NO WE'RE OKAY EVERYTHINGS OKAY LETS GO TO WORK OKIE DOKIE LETS GO YOU'RE LETTING EVERYONE DOWN (< who i have no idea btw. everyone in my life is telling me to stay home & rest. probably dad cus he doesnt believe in covid but he also doesnt mean shit anymore in our lives bby I promise) LETS GO. like girl. we literally cant even stand without getting dizzy and we got terrible sleep last night AND our boss is letting us "wfh" instead of exhausting our eto. could you be any more .... oh god word dont elude me now ..... whatever. anyway. CAB shut the fuck up challenge
#bunny rambles#i know she started as a way to protect me mentally at work i know i know#i know she exists bc my dad treated us like future employees/interview candidates and not entirely as people#i know she just wants to protect me but also girl shut the fuck up we have COVID if there was ever a time to rest its now#why are you even awake! you dont need to be! she literally freaked out immediately when waking up today and demanded we take a covid test#which like. i have enough of but also ofc nothing's changed cus we're still sick!! but i can smell and taste just a little more everyday and#she's taking that alone as a sign of faking being sick like GIRL CHILL ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS we can wfh today pls#I'll even indulge u with tasks just pls girl take a fuckin nap i beg u#on a funnier note: yesterday i was talking to my therapist ab this bitch and yk the fact that when things are hard in my life i dissociate#more/less with Responsibilities & i gave examples of a few times in the past i literally didnt realize there was Actual Harm happening to/in#my body until i literally Snapped out of the dissociation (like my appendix nearly bursting. or when i put the blade thru my kneecap at my#last job and str8 up didnt know i was gushing blood until i peed an indeterminate am of time later)#and i was comparing the sensations of my body and explaining between the grief & sick i Literally dont know where my creatures are bc#everything is dampened for Me but also i KNOW they're coming out bc i cant remember some days at work last week/breakdowns ive had but cant#remember the inside only the sobbing coming down this past week. and also we were IDing the fact that 16 (a conglomerate of my teen years)#is like. Here. and maybe me constantly saying “i feel like 16” when im in this distressed headspace is more of a sign that like. i should#explore and listen to those parts (and oooh boy did they talk yesterday) and um. wait there was a point#OH RIGHT my therapist was like “you know. you use different pronouns for your parts” and i honestly didnt realize that#but i Was able to give her a mapping of when every name in my name pile came into existence/was a primary name#and as i/16 was mapping the name pile (16 did most and then u could tell where 16 wasnt as sure bc it was the 21+ names pile which is#complicated but of 16 dont know that. not the point) um anyway. this is a very long crazy sounding ramble#im just talking to myself mostly but if u read this then thanks for listening to me ramble ig
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8-rae-rae-8 · 16 days ago
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I wasn't prepared for how wanting a hug from a friend that's thousands of miles away would feel like a stab in the chest. They don't tell you that shit hurts and you can't do anything about it
#light vent#personal rant#vent except its mostly in the tags#vent#dare i say i wanna feel *safe*. dare i say i wanna be *warm*#who else out here yearning to be loved like you're truly worth something#there was a time when I was little that i wouldnt fall asleep unless i was bein held. cant go back to that without rlly having someone there#they don't tell you how isolating it is to only be able to hold friendships online. I think there's just something wrong with me#I dont get to feel warm and loved and safe irl. i cant remember the last time i did#i should be able to walk into my friends rooms and annoy them bc we know no ones really angry. BUT NO. other side of the country or canadian#i should be able to show them reels in a silent room where we laugh every so often but it's quiet otherwise#I should be able to give them random rocks I find but no#and i hate knowing im one of the only people who cant seem to hold a friendship irl. i wanna know whats wrong with me so ppl dont leave irl#what is so wrong with me that i cant love correctly? why cant i say i love you back? why does my chest tighten and i get scared? why why#its not fair?? theres gotta be something wrong with me for ppl to not like me irl i text first im nice i engage in their interests i help em#what am i missing?? we hang out for so long then BOOM ghosted. they were so cool and fun but no matter how many times i did anythin. NOTHING#i cant even say it's because i didnt get a cue or anything because they were autistic/adhd/disabled too. i didnt do anything mean did i?#i feel like im missing something that makes people human or something because i never know what i did and no one ever says i did anything#am i doing something wrong? do i like things wrong? do i love wrong? do i laugh wrong or smile wrong or talk wrong I DONT UNDERSTAND#the only place i feel safe and loved is with my friends online. they're *safe*. I'm not scared to laugh or talk. I feel at home with em#i havent felt at home in a while. they're all *home* to me. im glad y'all convinced me to make a server.
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toesuckler · 23 days ago
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see maybe the social aspects of my mental illness are worse than i present them. i just always forget until it strikes.
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hackfurs · 10 months ago
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i feel bad about all the people who don't message me anymore because i was in my turbo flop era back then and they caught the ick
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